The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 340 - Live! Hamish Blake, Peter Helliar, Kitty Flanagan & Greg Larsen

Episode Date: April 12, 2017

Trestle Tables, Cakes and Andy Lee.  Recorded LIVE at the European Bier Cafe on Sunday April 9, 2017.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, another huge live episode from Melbourne with guests Peter Hellier, Hamish Blake and Kitty Flanagan. But first we need to tell you that this week's episode is brought to you by Dave Thornton and Dilruk Jai Singer. Oh, it's like Fat Man and Robin. Together at last. The dynamic dumb cunts. Yes. What do you think about that? These two guys teaming up to... Now, hang on. They're not teaming up.

Let's make it clear. It's not a Frank Woodley, it's not a Lena and Woodley deal. They're not a double act now. It is. It is. They've started a double act and that's why they're sponsoring the show, to get the word out. Dil's a double D act.

I feel like Thornton maybe is going to get lost in the mix of this ad. Thornton, you successful, handsome idiot. Yeah, got him. Got him. So, yeah, these two guys are currently in the middle of doing their shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. And, again, they are regular guests of ours, great, great friends of the show.

So they wanted to let you guys know about their shows. Yeah, so what is – Dilrock Dreyfussing's show is called Art of the Dil. Yes. Fucking hell. What? What's wrong with him? Yeah.

What would you call that for? Yeah, so. I tried to tell him not to do it, but he's done it anyway. Well. He's done it again. I don't know if I should, should I reveal what he was going to call it? Because I think it's better. I do too.

I don't want to reveal it because maybe he's going to use it next year. But hey, maybe this just, maybe we can sting him for more money because we're inadvertently advertising his next year's show as well. Very nice. He was going to call it Dil year. But hey, maybe we can sting him for more money because we're inadvertently advertising his next year show as well. Very nice. He was going to call it Dill Breaker. Yeah. So much better.

I like that a lot. So much better. Yeah. Anyway. I think what happened was he based it on that Donald Trump book that he thinks, I don't think as many people know that as he thinks, first of all. I agree. And then second of all, you know, you have to put in all your title and your photos and everything so far in advance for these comedy festivals.

And I think he, like all of us, thought this Trump guy, he's cooked. He's got no chance. So it'll be a funny footnote. I disagree. I think he did it. I think Trump's great. Yeah, exactly. He's a massive right wing crazy person.

That's what Dill is. No, but he was doing that before the election, before the US elections. And I was like, man, Trump's not going to get in. And then he's going to be this weird footnote and no one's going to even remember, let alone his book. And then Trump gets in and Dil goes, thank you very much. I know the world is on fire, but there's slightly more relevance to my show title than there was before.

It's like that video that surfaced of Dilruch a few years ago saying, grab it by the chicken wing. So these guys have both of their shows on. Fuck, should we, I mean for balance, they both want to be in the ad. Should we drag Thornton through the mud

in some way if we're going to talk shit about Dil? Well, Thornton's the anti-Dil. You know, in shape, successful. Doesn't, you know, left wing rather than, you know, wanting to keep all the boat people out like Dill does. Has a kid, so he's had sex at least once, unlike Dill Rook. What's Thornton's show called this year? Onwards and Upwards. Another classic Trump reference.

The comedy festival's full of them this year. So now we're smearing both of them with Trump, are we? Yeah, sure. All right. No, Thornton, great stand-up. Again, another one of these guys who, in the lead-up to the festival, popping up at both of our gigs pretty regularly, trying his new stuff.

A regular bloody gig pig. Super reliable. You never see him struggle. You'd never see Dave Thornton have a bad show or even an average show so um yeah look if you're if you're on your if you're on a big night out if you don't get out of the house too often and you're on a friday night saturday night you're away from the kids or you know you're impressing a date or something you want to lock something in the bank boom dave money thornton well yeah and also if you're if you want to impress a date you want to take him to a great show,

and physically maybe if you're not quite up to scratch and you want to really look good in comparison, Dil Rook's the show for you. Don't chew ice right into the microphone. Oh, sorry. So anyway, they're both on at 7pm, so they're head-to-head. Thornton is on Tuesday to Sunday at Max Watts. And of course this is if you're in Melbourne.

Yes, if you're in Melbourne for the Comedy Festival. Dil Rook is on, what's he, Thursday to Sunday at Max Watts. And, of course, this is if you're in Melbourne. Yes, if you're in Melbourne for the Comedy Festival. Dilruch is on, what's he, Thursday to Sunday, 7pm at the Victoria Hotel, 6pm on Sundays. And tickets for both of those shows, comedy.com.au. And, yeah, two, like we've said, two guys that we've been, you know, friends with for a very long time. Dave Thornton's kind of a, what's he on, like, episode three of the show or something.

So you guys have been listening to him on this for years and years. When it got good. Yeah. When he revealed what my real last name is. Yes. Yeah, he's been part of this show for many, many, many years. You guys have heard him on this. You always love him.

He's always awesome on the podcast. Go check out his stand-up. Dil, I mean, you guys. I mean, Dil should be advertising us, really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he sort of is a little bit, I think, isn't he? I think that gets revealed

oh that got revealed last week wasn't it I think he he plugs us in his show he plugs us in his show and someone booed my name right I thought you meant

he's I got confused when you said he already is plugging us I was like just because he's the size of a billboard doesn't mean he actually is a billboard

so go check those guys out comedy.com.au you have two weeks left from when this comes out to get down April 23rd is when those shows end go and see them oh and you know two weeks left from when this comes out to get down april 23rd is one of those shows and go and see them oh and you know if you're listening to this straight away get ready for the deal rock roast it's sold out but uh if you're listening to it straight away

good friday get the ticket put it in the glove box of your car so it's ready to go yeah don't forget some people do that some people i'm always surprised by how many people buy a ticket to something and then not turn up we talked talked about this before. Great for us. Yeah. Nothing more joyous as a promoter than a sold-out gig, people who don't show up, people turn up on the door. Tonight, we're recording this straight after we did both of our solo shows. And as I started, Vicky that was doing the door for us said to me,

seven people have bought tickets and not turned up. I'm like, fuck, yes. And then sort of opened with just started telling people, fucking how good is this? I, seven people have bought tickets and not turned up. I'm like, fuck yes. And that's what I opened with, just started telling people, fucking how good is this? I got seven people's money. It's so good. And I didn't have to do anything for it. And then about ten minutes in, they turned up. I'm like, fucking get out. Really brought me down.

Yeah, that's disappointing. Okay, so yeah, the Dulbrook roast. Now we need to talk about you are about to hear the second of our live podcasts from Melbourne. We have two more left. And boy, howdy, those tickets are moving pretty quick. Lots of people hitting us up at the moment individually. They're hounding me.

Every time I see someone in person or they're texting me, they're going, oh, yeah, just get us a ticket to the Dulrook Roast or get us a ticket to the drunk cast. It's like, no, man. Wipe my bum for me. Yeah, these tickets have been on sale for ages. Yeah. Surprise, surprise, guys.

We've got a lot of listeners. People want to fucking come to these things. Buy a ticket early. This isn't fucking Adelaide. You know what I've noticed a big spike in this year? People messaging me and going, I've accidentally brought a ticket to the wrong day. Oh, really? Big spike in that.

I had one for my solo show just today. Something's going on out there. It's almost like the people who like us aren't quite right. Someone sent me an email to explain this to me about my solo show, and the subject line was, your fans are fucking idiots. And I was like, oh, here we go. What's this going to be a story about? But it was about himself.

It was reflected back on him, which I quite liked. So, yeah, you're about to hear the second of our – in about 45 minutes, you'll hear the second of our massive live shows from Melbourne. Yeah, again, we're having another – these just get better and better every year. We're in the middle of it now. It's an awesome run. It's awesome seeing you guys every Sunday down here at the European Beer Cafe. Yeah, not many left, not many tickets left.

Especially if you've never been to one before, come and join the fun. It's really nice to talk to people when they haven't actually been to one. They get here and they're genuinely excited. And I know, again, we know you can just listen to it on the feed for free, like a few days later. It is so much better in the room. So much better. Yeah.

So do that. Because you can come along and buy merch. So we've got our solo shows happening on Sundays. They happen directly afterwards afterwards after the podcast at 4 30 and 5 45 uh for yours and then mine respectively and then during the week we are on at 8 15 for you and 9 30 for me at the european beer cafe of course all this info is on little dumb dumb club.com you don't even memorize these times and dates just you know what if you got that handcrank for both of our solo shows you go to little dynamic club.com right now yes and find out what's fucking cracking and both

our shows have started now i'm feeling really good about mine i'm happy with it now finally so that's good um good get down check them out i'm having fuck things happen during mine as usual uh the show's going good but you know it's because i've got that thing as you guys know i've got the heckler and every night so i've gone gone through some cool friends of the show already. So it's been a lot of fun, a lot of shit being hung back and forth. So it's working to plan. Oh, and let's say we've launched this just as of today. You know, Wednesday is traditionally the hardest night of the comedy festival.

So we're, you know, we want to give you guys a good deal. We want to make it easier for ourselves. So we've launched Westgate Wednesdays for both of our shows, you have to do them separately. If you book both of our shows on the Try Booking page, when you get to the checkout, if you enter the code WESTGATE, you'll get $15 tickets to both of our shows on Wednesdays, on the final two Wednesdays of the festival. So that means you can come see us both for $30 in the one night.

It means we get a sweet crowd on what is the quietest night of the festival for everyone else and we get to hang out at the bar afterwards and be like suck shit everyone yeah we made a joke about suicide in our promo code and now we're reaping the benefits and and we get super fans that are coming in um i mean costume as the west uh and you know anyone can come on a friday or a Saturday or even a Sunday. They're the busy ones. So, look, the final week of our stand-up is filling up and just like the podcast, they're nearly sold out. I've got a feeling the last day of the festival, man, I don't know what your ticket sales are like for solo,

but mine are really going up. I feel like everyone's going to come and just the whole last day of the festival is going to be us going fucking crazy. Yeah, well, I don't know what we do because we mentioned this. Normally we run pretty much straight into the drunk cast, but this year we're so early on a Sunday that we'll be done at seven. So then we've got, what do we do? We've got like four hours until the drunk cast.

I wonder what we could do. Maybe get drunk? Let's go get a massage. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this will be the first time where we actually have time to get drunk before the drunk cast. Yeah. this will be the first time where we actually have time to get drunk before the drunk cast. Because the last couple of years I haven't. I've turned up sober and had to kind of

catch up immediately. If only there was an eccentric Serbian that we knew that could facilitate this in some way. So we will be doing, if you've been to a drunk cast before, you know what to expect. Of course, our little rule is that, it's like a cloudy rule, I guess. If you've been to a drunk cast before, you know what to expect. Of course, our little rule is that it's like a cloudy rule.

I guess if you've got a season pass, you can get in straight away. Priority seating is for the season passes to the Dum Dum Club podcast. You come in straight away. And then, look, there's probably about 100 seats left for everyone else. So that means out of all the people that have a ticket to one of the live podcasts, that's the rule. You go into the draw basically. Well, it's not really a draw.

You just line up. We're just going to make sure. We're going to need to have two separate lines. Season pass holders for them and then everyone else, you're in your own line. Well, season pass holders. Do you need to line up if you know you've got that in your little sweaty mitt?

Sure. Some people just like lining up, Carl. A few hype beasts out there, they've put the practice in lining up for fresh new Adidas kicks the day that they launch. They've got their tent, they've got their fold-up chair ready to go. Fuck.

Someone camp out Saturday night. That's what I want to see. Someone start a line on the Saturday night. People did a couple of hours before last time, and I've got to say, it made my dickie very hard. Now, you've got to say that, according to you. You've got to say that it makey my dickie very hard. Now you've got to say that. According to you.

You've got to say that it makey your dickie very hard. No, it's great. It's great to see us being treated like fucking One Direction or something. Yeah, One Erection.

One Direction off the West Gate. So come and line up and do your thing. We'll fit in as many people as we can, but there's no fairer way to do it than that. So next year we'll figure out a better way. But this year, that's the deal. If you've got a season pass, you come straight into the drunk cast.

If you don't have one, you're going to have to fight it out with everyone else that bought one or two tickets. Bring your little evidence. We'll fit in as many people as we can, but we cannot physically fit everyone in. Yes. But you know what? That sorts a way out from the job because we forget. Normal people don't want to go and get blind at 11 o'clock on a Sunday night.

So not everyone wants to do that. I keep saying to mates, oh, you've got to come. You've got to come check it out. It's amazing. And they're like, no. I don't care how good it is. It's 11 p.m. on a Sunday. I have a job that I care about that I'll lose if I go to this and turn up in a bad state

on Monday morning. Yeah. And so we got into costume last year. We tend to dress up a little bit for it. I think we've got plans again for that. We've got a few plans. But again, with the roast and everything else, after next week, I think is going to be the big planning thing of working that out.

That's going to be fun. There's costumes involved again. So all of your friends, all completely unrecorded as well, of course. So there's no evidence of this. So you're not one of these guys that – there's some of these guys that hit me up and they go, so you're going to just record it and send it to me? No. Why?

What's fucking in it for me? Nothing. Just come along. Earn your stripes and come to a drunk cast. This will enrage those people we've got recordings of all of them we've got them

we've recorded all of them they're all sitting there on my hard drive at home they're in the dumb dumb club dark web they're in the vault should we release it

like the Wu-Tang did and just made that one album and made it for 10 million dollars yeah get that get some real piece of shit to buy

you know that they got bought by that dude what was it the cancer medication no it was like aids medication and he jacked it up to like a million dollars or whatever yeah yeah if you get the recording of the drunk cast it will cure your aids is that what you're saying yeah and you know the other they made him sign a clause whoever bought it that they weren't allowed to do anything with it for like 30 years or something yeah so we do that i bet only when both of us have passed, only when every single person who's on that drunk cast

is dead, only then can you release it. Right. I bet that Wu-Tang album was a piece of shit as well. Yeah. Oh, totally. It's not like it came from their peak period. It came at the end where you couldn't even give the other ones away. Yeah.

Like old, like, yeah, old rappers with too much money and no, no drive, no reason for it to want to be good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so the Wu-Tang Clan appearing at the drunk cast 2017. Put that in your diaries. Old dirty dumb cunt. I wish I knew more about the Wu-Tang. Yeah.

Who else is there? There's GhostfaceDumbCunt. Fuck, I think that's about it. RZA? There's always, yeah, there's RZA, but RZA doesn't turn into anything else. RZA, or if it's Dill, it's Rizz-Ole. Oh, yeah, that's good. Rizz-Ole.

Excellent. Now we're cooking. Yep. Now that'll do. Yep. Puns are good. So, yeah, get ready for that. That's going to be really fun.

And then we move into the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. We give our liver a rest for about a month. Yeah. And then we move it into hyperdrive. I'm honestly going to not. I'm going to have a very quiet, between comedy festival and going to Koh Samui, I am going to have a very quiet month, I think. Yeah.

Yeah. I might cryogenically freeze myself for the month. Yeah, I might have a holiday and go to Thailand before that. Just to prep myself. It's hard to laugh at that because I don't reckon that's much of a joke. I reckon that's a thing that would happen. I'd love it. So, yes, that is Gathering Steam again.

May 31. So, yes, that is Gathering Steam. Again, thank you to people that continue to chip in to the GoFundMe page for all the sweet extra content that we are going to make over there. We are just at $5,500, which is incredible, given that our target initially was $2,000. Yeah, so we can now – we're going to get a doco made. We're talking to a person about filming it. It's going to be, you're going to get some really, really sweet stuff if you chip in and by all means.

And we've got a really pro guy flying over to do it. Like a guy, a legitimate, proper dude. Well, it's not locked in yet, so maybe let's not jinx it. Well, it sounds pretty locked in. So if not him, then I'll fucking hire Spielberg, mate. We've got five grand. We've got five grand. How much could he possibly charge?

Rich Young. Rich Young, chip in more so we can get Spielberg. Oh, Jesus. So that's going to be awesome. That is May 31 to June 5. Of course, it is co-sponsored or whatever you want to say. It's certainly associated with the fine folk at the Ozo Choeng Samui Resort, the best resort, in my opinion, on Choeng Beach,

which is on the east side of the island. It is a beautiful... Oh, the east side. Yes. Yeah, the nice... You don't want the west side, you know, the Bronx of Koh Samui. It's like the Turak, the Turak of Koh Samui. Oh, nice.

It's very la-di-da. We have done very well. Is it genuinely? It's just the busy part. Okay, sweet. Yeah, it's where shit goes on. It's, yeah,di-da. We have done very well. Is it genuinely? It's just the busy part. Okay, sweet. Yeah, it's where shit goes on. It's the busy... Where we've all got shit going on.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So it's, like I said, I've said it before, it's actually on a really nice bit of the beach. The sand's really soft. No, but it is. You sound like an alien describing the beach. No, but I've always... Water feel nice on foot.

I've always stayed on the other end of the beach where it's a bit of an inlet and it's quite flat sand and there's no surf, there's no deep water, there's no nothing. Up here, I stayed at the Ozo for one night and I was like, fuck, this is where I should have been all along. Right, you like it better because the surf's better? Well, it's just a bit like a proper beach. There's no depth to the water.

There's no luster to the sand. It's just absurd. Yeah. I can't wait to visit this west beach now and just try and make sense of what the fuck it is that you're going on about right now. It's got a great pool. That's the number one thing. When you look for a resort, you've got to make sure there's a big pool.

This has got a massive pool. Cool. And it's got a really pool. That's the number one thing. When you look for a resort, you've got to make sure there's a big pool. This has got a massive pool. Cool. And it's got a really good breakfast buffet. Oh. Yeah. Why have you not bought this up yet? Talk me. Sorry.

Sorry. Why have you not brought this up yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't handle fucking hearing about this again. It's a very high quality one because it's a new resort. So some of those resorts over there, you know what? A lot of resorts in Thailand get built like 30, 40 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then they just sort of leave them. Yeah. That's it. But this one, this is like a brand new one. I don't know how this relates to the quality of the breakfast buffet, but talk me through it. Because they let themselves go. If they let the resort go, of course they're going to not really care about the fucking

eggs and all that shit. So what have they got? Have they got omelette bar? Of course. Of course. Have they got a cooking new omelette? They're not fucking idiots. Great. Yeah. Hash browns. Of course. They got omelette bar? Of course. A guy cooking you omelette? They're not fucking idiots. Great.

Hash browns. Of course. It's quite a big one. I'm going to go through all the stuff I like. Sausages. Little pork breakfast sausages. I think you're just speculating now. Yes.

I stayed there for one day. As if I fucking remember every raisin and every fucking nut that they've got there. It was excellent. They had everything. I don't remember anything being bad i remember thinking this is great i fucking love a breakfast buffet more than anything more than anything yeah but what about this when you if when you go away for a while and then you do the breakfast buffet every time the first day i do a thing where i go out and i get two plates full

i'm like fuck the breakfast buffet is the best by By the last day, I'm going, I'm skipping breakfast. I'll just have lunch. I'm off it. I get – because I'm always eating – yeah. I'm completely off it. For me, it's kind of like an exercise in refinement. So first day, I go too hard. I make myself sick because I want to try everything. And then what I eventually end up doing is let's try and instead of just getting everything,

let's try and craft the perfect one plate. So I kind of, I go really big on the first day and then I just gradually whittle myself down until my goal is the final breakfast I go, this is perfect. This is all you needed from day one. Oh, okay. You just whittle it into shape. Yeah. It's like a comedy festival show.

Just by the last night, you got it perfect. It goes for 10 minutes. You get a full house of people watching you eat om. Just by the last night, you got it perfect. It goes for ten minutes. You get a full house of people watching you eat omelettes by the end. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Love an omelette bar. Fuck yeah. Yeah, it's good.

There's so much room in this venue where we're doing our comedy festival shows. Put an omelette bar over there. It actually does look like a breakfast hall where we're recording this right now because you would have all the different foods along that bar there and around the corner i i i do like a bit of telling the omelette bar guy how to do how to fucking suck eggs i'll bet you do yeah bet you do you like a bit of telling everyone how to do everything it's just a shame you can't really understand me it's a shame so what do you do you're into his flipping technique you You're not into... I'm into, you know what,

with the eggs, I always find that they cook the eggs too long. It's a bit of scrambled eggs and they go, they just cook it till it's dry. It's like, mate, no, there's got to be moisture. There's got to be a bit of liquid going on. You're right, but that's I mean, that's a fundamental flaw in his teachings. Just you being a hard-ass, you can't

undo that. Yeah, yeah, so I don't blame myself for that at all. But this is my thing. I have a good crack of breakfast like the first day, maybe a bit the second day. And then because I don't appreciate breakfast as much as the other meals, I go, you know what? I'll fucking skip it. I'll have basically nothing.

I'll have maybe a fried egg or something because I'm thinking I'm making room for lunch. Lunch is way better than breakfast. What do you think? You think um eggs and shit like that anywhere but i'm over there i want to eat as much thai food as i can i'm making room for it so i can go out and have lunch yeah you have too big of a breakfast common thing done over there in a resort you skip lunch yeah that's what they that's what they're trying to get you i don't want to skip lunch yeah yeah i i mean i'm just i'm not just basing this purely on Thailand, but I don't know. I'm not too fussed because you've always got dinner

and I love a good breakfast. I don't know. You know what I like when you're in another country? I like where they've got the buffet breakfast and they've got your Western stuff and then they start to sneak a bit of... Oh, yeah. They start to sneak a bit of...

Have a bit of pad thai for breakfast if you like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do like a bit of that. I do like that where they chuck a bit of – they start to sneak a bit of – have a bit of pad thai for breakfast if you like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do like a bit of that. I do like that where they chuck a bit of curry and a bit of trout in there and stuff and it's like, oh, okay. Is this – I don't reckon – like I know that this is your culture but I don't reckon you guys are eating Massaman curry for breakfast. Yeah.

Are they? I don't think they are. Well, yeah, because I stayed at a hotel in Japan with my parents and it was very Western. And so it was breakfast buffet and it literally was all Western stuff and then just a grab bag of what your average fucking English speaking dumb cunt would think that Japanese people are eating all the time. So it's just like, it literally was just like sushi, rice with a bit of chicken on it. Yeah. Some bloody udon noodles in a bit of soup.

It was like, no one over here is eating this for breakfast. You know why I don't eat as much breakfast over there as well? It's because I get there and then I go for a run every morning and then I come back and I've got a diminished appetite because I've just run for half an hour. People, I reckon, have been fast-forwarding through this constantly going, I'll hit this little forward button a few times and then surely they'll be done talking about breakfast.

And guess what? We're still going. Who doesn't want to hear about breakfast? It's so good. It's very relatable. All right. So you know what? That's an idea.

I always, when I go to Thailand, I run every morning. All the people that are coming over, I'm going to fucking start a running group. Oh, no. I'm going to get a running group. No. People that have signed up for Samui who are coming to the Coast Samui Podcast Festival,

not only do you get some sweet podcasts and entertainment at night, you get to go for a bit of a runny run with me in the morning. All right, let's split this off. You have to choose. You have to go to running club with you or you have to come to breakfast club with me. Oh, yeah. And let's see who gets the numbers. Well, you know what?

If you go on the run with you, you're banned from having breakfast. Yeah, but I reckon I'll… And if you're eating with me, you are not? If you go on the run with you, you're banned from having breakfast. Yeah, but I reckon I'll... And if you're eating with me, you are not allowed to exercise at all. I reckon I'll get up before you, though. I'll do the run, I'll come back. You'll be just having breakfast then. I'll come in in time to... No, but that's my point.

People have to choose. It's one or the other. Okay. It's one or the other. But that makes no sense because then I come back with my running group. You're having breakfast. And what do we do? Just sit there and wait until you're done.

Yeah. Breakfast club's starting to sound pretty fucking good, isn't it? I don't think you can make this rule. I'm allowed to have breakfast. It's my holiday too. You get to sleep in and you get breakfast. Guys, just so you know. Less time spent in your company.

It's all sounding pretty good. You're allowed to run and eat breakfast, guys. We're not banning you from doing both, all right? All right. So we've also got to mention the Patreon. Thank you to everyone. And, of course, the merchandise that is going out in the mail at the moment. Oh, yes, yes. The Coastal Millie Podcast Festival T-shirt with the elephant and us riding it.

And the singlet that is fashioned into something that some people have said is similar to a beer logo. Nah. Nah, just random colours and fonts. I don't know what the fuck they're on about, but it just says Dum Dum on it to me. So you can see, if you haven't seen the visuals of them, go onto the website and you'll see them. They are shooting out the door into little bags, into the post box.

There's some method that they use where they then put in vans and planes and then they bring it to your house. So get onto that. Wow, people thought talking about breakfast for 20 minutes was boring. Now we're explaining the postal process. It was entertaining me. I just realised how they did it to your house. So get on to that. Wow, people thought talking about breakfast for 20 minutes was boring. Now we're explaining the postal process. It was entertaining me. I just realised how they did it. It's magic.

Okay, so yeah, we need to talk about the Patreon. Yep. Thank you to everyone who is supporting us on that. Every month we send out bonus episodes. We send out a bonus newsletter, a magazine that you can, yeah, that's got all extra stuff in it from us and friends of the show. And also as part of it, we read your name out at the start of this episode to thank all these people who support us month after month.

Let's get into it. Thank you to Patreon subscribers. Here's someone that annoyed me a little while ago and I've finally gotten around to doing it. And that's fair enough. He's been on the books, on the books of Dumb Dumb Inc. for a little while now. Brad Laurent. Thanks, now. Brad Laurent.

Thanks, Brad. Brad Laurent. Yeah, a little bit Frenchy in the name. Laurent, the fancy chain of French cafes. French thinker. Can you be fancy and a chain? Oh, yeah. To me, it's like nothing immediately qualifies itself as not being fancy like being a chain. Yeah, yeah.

Because if you're fancy, you're a bit unique. And if you're the – you're just an expensive McDonald's. Yeah, that's pretty much what they are. Yeah. I do like their desserts though. Like, I mean, I've got a massive sweet tooth. They've got some good desserts. They've got a bit of mousse involved in multiple of their desserts.

Really? So, of course, I am a fan. I got a coffee from there recently and it was, I've got to say, a piece of shit. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm glad because, you know what, for a second I thought, we're giving these cunts a free ad. I'm glad you didn't like it.

No, a free anti-ad. Yeah, alright. And I can't help but feel that maybe, I mean, maybe this Brad guy, you know, where's he getting this money to chip in? Oh. Maybe he's part of the Laurent dynasty. Right. Despite the fact that he's spelt differently.

Yeah, sure. I can see why he's changed his name to disassociate himself with his shitty coffee house. Thanks, Brad. Thanks, Brad. Thank you to Steph Hume. Hume. Yeah. Down the Hume Highway.

Exactly. I imagine that's, I mean, you can probably take an exit off that and that's going to lead you towards a certain bridge. Is that correct? I thought you were going to say connected to another highway you know of. The Hershey Highway? Yes. I'm very familiar with that highway.

The Hume Highway. Yeah, the Hume. Can you get to the West Gate from the Hume? Can you? Where's the Hume? Where's the Hume take you? Is that Ballarat? Fuck, I should know this.

Yeah, I'm so bad with all. I just get on the, I just follow, I don't know what any street or anything is called yeah i just i just i listen to the voice yeah i do i don't know i i'm so bad at street names i don't know any of the street names around my house like this i know i don't know the main road that goes like literally 10 meters away from my house yeah i don't know fucking anything yeah oh the worst i know i know i in Daly Street in Maribor when I was a kid. Yeah. But that was it. Daly Street in Maribor, Ghazi Court, and then that was it. I like that you said, I don't know the road near my house.

I don't know fucking anything. Yeah. Big leap there. Well, if you don't know where you live, then you basically don't know anything, do you? Yeah. Fuck, that's basic. That's basic stuff you should know, but I don't know.

Yeah. Anyway, thanks, Steph. Thanks, Steph. Thanks for that highway. Thanks for reminding me that I don't know where I live. Now, is she spelt the same as the highway? It certainly is. Good. She's not trying to hide.

She's not a coward like Brad. Yeah. How else would you spell Hume? There's a very limited way. Oh, H, well, Lockie Hume. H-U-L-E. Oh, you're right. You're absolutely correct.

I know. Yeah. Thank you. Well done. Thank you to Ben Wonders. That's a great name. Wow, that's doing, I tell you what, that's doing, him sending us money is doing wonders for my little dicky.

I've said this to you before and maybe this is not funny. I don't know. It always tickled me a lot. Good start. This tickles me a lot, though. I used to work at a place where a guy would have a very loud ringtone, and it was the VB ringtone. Yes.

And he didn't program it himself. It was his son that did it. Yeah. And he couldn't change it, and he never changed the volume either. So we'd be in an office, crowded office, and it'd be all silent and then you'd just hear... And everyone would sing along to the ringtone until he answered it and the only person who ever rang him was a guy with a nickname called Wonder.

And so every day would be the ringtone for ages, everyone singing it and then just him going, Wonder! And it tickled me a lot. Very, very good. Thanks, Ben. Wanda! Wanda! Thank you to Glenn Chamberlain.

Chamber? Yeah, Chamber. I think they may even be. Look, I might be completely wrong now. I'm going to do a little bit of research as I speak, but I reckon that may be the first Glenn that's ever sponsored us. Ooh. That is a first.

I don't remember ever. Yep, there you go. I've confirmed it. First Glenn. Wow. That's a bit of a milestone episode for us. That's something. Yeah, that's really something.

Yeah. I'm amazed. I mean, there's so many Glens out there in the world. Yeah. It's actually now annoying me that another Glenn hadn't thought of fucking giving us a bit of coin before now. Look, if you're a Glenn and you're listening- Except for Glenn Chamberlain. Yeah. Fuck you. Look, if you're a Glenn and you're listening...

Except for Glenn Chamberlain. Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah, but also, you know, chip in and we guarantee we'll read you out next week. Yeah. Yeah. We'll run you up the flagpole. Who wouldn't want to be the second Glenn on this program?

We've never had a Glenn as a guest either. It's been a fucking pretty... No, we've had Glenn Robbins on. Oh, yeah. All right. Oh, yeah. Well... Story checks on. Oh, yeah. All right. Oh, yeah. Well, story checks out. Well, there you go.

We've had one Patreon Glenn and one guest Glenn and that's it. Yeah. So is that how it works? Like one Patreon name for every name of a guest that we've had on the show? I guess so. I guess that makes a lot of sense. We should have about 40 Dilruks by this point. Fuck.

Have we got any... Is there any Glenn guests in the pipeline? I don't think there's any other Glenns that we could possibly have on the show yeah um would you have it you ideally if you could have i mean there's john glenn the astronaut i don't think he's a big chance of coming in but but i might be wrong prove me wrong john glenn i don't know how you know of that person but not my street name yeah i got a lot of useless info up here fuck given how what was he the third man on the moon i don't know i mean i didn't have to be there to learn his name you can always look this this stuff up in books doesn't sound like it right you only know stuff that happens in front of you

do it's right okay that's fair enough um thanks glenn thanks glenn and thank you thanks lastly oh last one last one okay got room for one more yeah pretty easy one thank you to Henry Young

thanks Henry or in the opposite order you would say thanks to Young Henry oh just the just the singular Young Henry yeah

he sounds delicious on a after a tough day of work, knocking a cold Henry Young back at your house. Yeah. I can't wait to hear. Maybe we'll hear a little bit more about this particular gentleman in this episode.

Maybe we will. I look forward to listening to this episode. Well, should we leave it there? Yeah. Should we throw to the episode? So, guys, littledumbdumbclub.com Go see Dave Thornton. Go see Dilwit Jai Singer. Come see our

solo shows. They're both really fun so far. We have a week and a half left. The podcasts on the Sunday afternoons at the European Beer Cafe. The roast of Dilwit Jai Singer. The drunk cast on the final Sunday. The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. And you know what? With that festival, you want to start cracking

now. If you're on the fence, you know, how far are we at? If you're listening to it right now, we are a month and a half out. That's the sort of time when you start to need to get your shit together and go, man, if I'm going to get a holiday, I've got to ask for time off, I've got to ask for a couple of days off, I've got to book in a flight deal while it's

cheap. Of course, if you hit up the Ozo's Choeing Samui Resort, I didn't say that before, but the password, of course, is podcast, and you get a very cheap deal. And I've had a lot of lovely listeners message me and say, thank you for the deal because they've got great deals in a great room. So you need to get on that shit now, I reckon. I mean, maybe people are hooked up differently to me,

but you want to give it a bit of notice, don't you? Who's making these calls like a week out going, fuck it, I reckon. I mean, maybe people are hooked up differently to me, but you want to give it a bit of notice, don't you? Yeah, totally. Who's making these calls like a week out going, fuck it, I'm doing this? Well, I'll tell you what, I don't want to spend time

over there with the kind of person who can do that at the last minute. Fuck. I do, because they sound rich. Let's get them. Let's get them over. All right, guys,

littledumbdumbclub.com for all that information. Enjoy this episode live from Melbourne with Hamish Blake, Peter, Hellia and Kitty Flanagan. Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dazzolo. Standing next to me is the other half of the program, Carl Chan.

G'day, dickheads. Some interesting level stuff going on already. Who would have fucking thunk it? Numo's done it again. Fucking hell. Hey. Take that pillow off your mic and talk into it properly. So thanks, guys, for turning up.

Despite the fact that the Bureau of Meteorology is telling people not to leave the house today. So they are, in effect effect acting just like you guys towards our solo shows afterwards. Yeah, is that a true thing? I didn't know that. How did the Bureau of Meteorology know that this podcast is on? Don't fucking go to it, guys. If you've got a season ticket, cop the loss and stay home. Hang on, did someone just say they work

there? It's your cot fault, you cunt. It's your cot fault? Do you really work there? It's your cot fault, you cunt. It's your cot fault? Do you really work there? Wait, so you put out the notice saying don't leave the house, and then you left the fucking house? Do as I say, not as I do.

I hope a branch hits you on the head on the way home. Are you sure you're not from the Bureau of Dumb Cunts? What do you do at the Bureau of Meteorology? Please, tell us more. Is it a bit of this stuff? For people at home, I lick my finger and put it upwards.

My arsehole. It's hot up there, by the way. Stay home. 28, it feels like 26. 40, looks like 50. No. So sum it up. What do you do?

What do you do at the Bureau of Meteorology? Boring! Oh, what a mistake. Don't trust your instincts, Tommy. Yeah, let's open with a bit of fucking weather talk. Awesome. Stay indoors instead of talking to this idiot. Is anyone from the paint drying bureau in tonight? Hey, thanks for coming.

Let me talk about this. A friend of mine recently, she gave me permission to tell this story. She went on a date with a gentleman and she went back to his house and fully fucked him. Anyway, the end. What have you got? No, that'll do me. But then the next day they were lying there and they were talking about

what they do and he was saying he has a big commute for work and she was like, oh, what do you do on your long drives to work? And he goes, oh, I listen to podcasts actually. And he brings up his app and he shows her what he listens to on the way to work. And wouldn't you know it, a little dum-dum club sitting right there on the Q'd list. And she goes, oh, wow, that's hilarious because Tommy's one of my best friends, like Tommy from the podcast. And he goes, oh, wow.

Anyway, they exchanged numbers. She left. She never heard from him again. Oh, nice. Did we do that? Is it that toxic being in any way affiliated with us? Is it the guy from the Bureau of Meteorology?

Because there's probably another reason. What? It's probably not the podcast's fault is what I'm trying to say. There's probably other things going on. No, he didn't call her back. Oh, he didn't call her? Yeah.

Oh, right. Yeah. Okay, I fucked the story up. Yeah. Glad I wasn't the only one who was confused by what was going on just there. I'm like, this is a long bow. Is he here? All right, so what am I asking podcast fans?

Has anyone fucked anyone lately? So, yeah, this guy, if you're out there, give her a call. All right, so what am I asking podcast fans? Has anyone fucked anyone lately? So yeah, this guy, if you're out there, give her a call. You know, she's cool. She was in tears when she told me this story. I think she's in love with you, dude. Can I say this? I'll try and wrap this up quickly.

So for people at home, we do the live podcast on a Sunday afternoon, European Beer Cafe cafe we do it upstairs uh packed house last week we did that last week's episode and then we go straight downstairs afterwards in the basement to do our solo shows uh uh you know we had a good crowd down there about a fifth of what's here um that's fine i get it so uh it was good last week. Who came to my show last week? That's all of them. And the enthusiasm. Don't make us admit it in public. So, we went down there, we did the show last week and it was fun, it was very loose. So, what was funny about it was I started and I said to everyone, like I assumed that they're all podcast fans obviously, I said, who was upstairs before?

Everyone goes, yeah. I said, absolutely no exceptions. No. Okay, great. I know that I'm playing to the Dumb Dumb fans. Right, great. Awesome. So I do it without really explaining it.

I've got two hecklers in. I've got Nick Cody and Adam Richard just throwing shit at me for an hour. Anyway, this couple start to heckle a bit pretty early on. It's like going, oh, what the fuck is this? Tell some jokes. And I'm like, this doesn't seem right. No one's usually asking me to tell jokes. In my job as comedian.

Yeah, but these people don't want that. So we keep going. They keep arcing up the whole show until they get really angry, about I reckon three quarters of the way through. The woman is just openly going, I want my money back. he's going this is no good i'm hating it i'm like really i'm like how are you hiding this you you went to the podcast she's like what podcast i go but i said were you upstairs before she goes this is a basement everyone was upstairs before Very fair. Finally, and some comedy in that solo show of yours. Yeah, then I had a third necklace.

So she's just going, I fucking hate it. I'm like, oh, right, so you... That's great. Hands up in the audience if you're burrowed into this venue from the centre of the earth. Let me see you. Come on, mole people, where are you at? Anyone here covered in magma?

Let's see you. Anyone here from a cartoon coming from China tonight? Anyone got lost on the way to Albuquerque? Come on, fess up. So, sweet Bugs Bunny reference there. Thank you. So, you are truly one of the Warner Brothers. So, she just keeps arcing up and going,

and I'm going, do you like this in any way? And she's like, absolutely not. I'm fucking hating this. So because everyone else is a Dum Dum fan, I start playing to it and go, you know what? This wasn't going to be in the show,

but I know one way I can turn you around, the absolute fail-proof joke that will turn anyone's head. So I was in a cafe, and I was looking on the menu. There was an item called a duck sandwich. And so everyone there just goes fuck yeah!

Oh he's playing Summer of 69! Yes! Exactly. So everyone goes fuck yeah. He's almost like standing up going fuck the joke yeah! So I do the joke. Everyone else plays along and just goes oh fuck! And so the joke is literally, you know, I was in a cafe item called a duck sandwich. I kind of find that sad in a way And so the joke is literally, you know, I was in a cafe, I had a duck sandwich.

I kind of find that sad in a way because finally the duck is literally surrounded by bread. Now he's in no position to enjoy it. So, yeah. Not my usual delivery, but anyway. So everyone goes crazy and then it all calms down and I said to the lady, what did you think of the joke? And she goes, when I was a kid I had a pet duck and it died.

It's funny hearing the context of that now because I came into the venue just at that moment as you were telling Duck Sandwich. And so you'd been telling me all day, you're like, fuck, I don't think I've got my solo show in order at all. I'm fucked. I did not have any of this new stuff memorised. You could have done without saying all that, by the way.

As I come in, you're telling a joke from three years ago i'm like fuck he is desperate is he gonna do some old hughesy stuff from the gala next jesus yeah so then the gig finishes they go to everyone files out they stop the husband stops because he's sort of been won over by it a bit but the the lady just will not even look at me on the way out. I mean, thanks for coming. She's like, will not look at me. The husband has sort of been won over by the way everyone's reacted to the last joke. And so he's like, oh, yeah, that wasn't bad in the end. It's pretty funny, you know, the idea of having a duck in a sandwich.

Yeah, that was the joke. Sandwich? Yeah, that was the joke. Should we dip back into a certain email thread that we've been talking about recently on the show? All right, but we need to get prepared for this. Yes, okay, so some of you might know what I'm talking about. So a few weeks ago I sent out a Patreon bonus email, and instead of putting everyone in the BCC category, I just put them right in there, just right in. So now it's a reply all thread.

In return for people on Patreon giving us a lot of money, we've fucked their lives. So we're now... So can we say that this starts a bit grim and then we're all going to be okay at the end of the story? Is that cool? So this has been going on for like five weeks now, this email thread, where people are constantly chiming in and going,

yeah, anyone else a dumb cunt today? You know, nothing as funny as that. But, you know, still kind of keeping it going. And then, you know, the thread will kind of die down for a couple of days and then someone else will get bored and hit reply all and come in. So a few weeks ago... Are any of you people here tonight in the email thread? Yeah, okay.

Are you enjoying it? Anyone in the email thread? Yeah, okay. So, yeah. Are you enjoying it? Well, you know what? I was in a cafe the other day. I'll get you back. Okay, so in the middle of the night, this message pops up in the thread. A guy sends this to the email thread.

Hey, everyone. Done a Westgate attempt without the decency to get in the car and drive to the appropriate venue and try tonight, guys. I could really do with some support right now. So this comes through in the middle of the night. So this is full-on stuff, right? This is for real. So this is for real.

So then a lot of people in the email thread, they start replying to kind of see if this guy's okay. One guy goes, where are you? Another guy goes, I think messaged him directly and sort of gave him his phone number and said, get in touch with me, I'll come find you,

we can talk. Someone said, this just got a bit real. I've emailed this guy directly to my response, I don't know if this is a joke or not. So this goes on, everyone quite concerned

for a couple of hours. All of a sudden, one guy gets in and goes, fuck off cunts, it's 6.30 in the morning. Everyone knows that's not the Westgate hour. Everyone knows right before you go to sleep,

you put the fucking email tone notification on your phone. Just have that beeping away. So then someone goes, remember you can always call 13 11 14 if you need someone to talk to. Failing that, give 0438. Which is a change. Usually people are ringing me telling me to do that. So then this guy gets in and he comes back later that day

and he goes, thanks, cheers for the support, guys. Really appreciate it. I've got things in order. I'm seeing someone and everything. I think a good break might be in order. Can anyone suggest a good holiday destination? I'm quite a fan of Southeast Asia. So then I...

So, yeah, it was fine in the end. I actually just... I did email this guy just to... We've been in contact with him to see if he's OK. And also, I actually talked to Fiona O'Loughlin about it and she recorded a video and she sent it to him and it was, like, a really lovely video, basically, that said, you know, it gets better, it's all good, hang around,

you know what, if things get too hard, fuck it, let's me and you go to Amsterdam and get fucked up, which is nice, but I'm not sure if that solves the problem, but for either person. So I just checked up on him today and I was like, hey man, we were thinking we'd read this out, we'd sort of talk about this on the show, but only if it's okay with you, and he writes back and he goes, thanks man, I'm doing well, I've got a plan, I'm talking to people, like my partner's been very, very supportive. And sure, talk about it.

It'll be very weird to hear you guys talk about it. But at the end of the day, I understand that content is content. So... Oh, we got through it. We did it. I didn't think we were going to get through that then. Fuck. Anyway, lovely.

Hey, I mean, I know it's a bit of a grim subject, but it is a lovely culture of everyone. A lot of people do come up to us at live shows and go, and thanks for talking about the topic because a lot of people do think about it and whatever, and it's a real thing, and it's a good thing to make light of and humanise. So, awesome. Thanks, guys, for doing all that stuff.

Thanks, guys. We'll see you next week. Stick around for our solo shows. Thanks, guys, for doing all that stuff. Thanks, guys. We'll see you next week. Stick around for our solo shows. Hey, so we should talk about this a little bit. So we forgot to mention it last week, but we have a bit of an ongoing relationship with Young Henry's, a brand of beer that you cannot buy inside this venue, so it's not the best place to be promoting it.

But, yeah, we've been talking about them recently on the show. They've given us a bit of stock. They've given us a bit of sweet bunts to kind of talk about them and get the name out there. Now, they want this to be an ongoing relationship. They want to do more stuff with us in the future. And I don't know how... And after hearing that last story, I'm sure they'll be right on board. Oh, we got away with it.

Don't call back to us. I'm sorry. Just be happy. We're out of the woods. Don't call back to it. I'm sorry. Just be happy. We're out of the woods. Don't look backwards. So there's a band called the Dune Rats, and I don't know if you guys know this, but Young Henrys did a thing with them where they kind of had a bet with them

that if their album came out and went to number one, they would make a Dune Rats-themed beer and start selling it, which they've started doing. So we were thinking... So which is called what? I think it's called just Young Henrys's June Rats something. Does anyone know? June. June. June Northern.

The June Northern Rats. I'll just have one last beer. One very last beer. Shut the fuck up. Oh, they're back. I was in a cafe. So we were thinking like we could maybe, like maybe we could put it out there down the line to Young Henry's if we can get this podcast to number one on the iTunes charts.

Maybe we could get them to make a dum-dum flavoured beer. Yeah. Like a dum-dum themed beer. Which is a good idea, yeah. I mean, iTunes is driven by downloads, by reviews, by ratings and whatever. So if you guys go and do all that work for us, that would be awesome. And then we would have a beer named after us. Yeah, we're not going to try and make this show any better.

That's too fucking hard. If you guys could just go grassroots on it, that'd be great. Awesome. So we decided, we were like, okay, let's get gear up for this. They had a beer named after them. What would we call our beer?

Yeah. So we had a bit of a think tank. Here's a few ideas. Not all to do with directly us, but maybe some friends of the show. So potentially we could have the Dilruch Jai singer, Very Stout. The Dilruch Jai singer's

Miller, Not So Light. The Fiona O'Loughlin Sleeping Pilsner. It's a good one. Or, of course, coming from me, Thailand's favourite beer, the Jaya Singha. Should have done that one first. Although what I want to pitch,

I reckon the best thing would be a Tommy Dasolo-themed beer, a she'll-be-back-bitter. There's this little mug on the can. What do you reckon, guys? Or alternatively, if it doesn't work out, we can always go into the soft drink game and get the Tommy Dasolo. High in voice so you can slam him down fast?

I would have gone with low on hair. Or Coke. That's just a tribute to Fleety. When he was doing well. Or instead of now stay with me, instead of Fanta, aware of the show-ta.

Looks better on paper, guys. And you know, Dr. Dr. Pepper. And the good thing is, if young Henrys don't want any of these, we can just launch our own brand, Old Carl's. Thanks for somehow being on my side with that one. Okay, very quickly before we get a guest out here, we do need to give another quick update on a

certain overseas podcast festival that's happening at the end of May. The official Rich Young is a fucking idiot and his fucked YouTube channel, Koh Samui Podcast Festival. Yeah, so for those of you that weren't here last week or haven't caught up on the last episode, we've had a weirdo online give us $2,000 to go towards flying guests over to the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. He wants us to promote his shitty YouTube channel. It's very unclear what the fucking videos are.

Some audio editing software that he's making. It looks like a piece of shit. This is what he wanted. He gave us $2,000 to insult him and his product and his brand and his YouTube channel and everything about his personal character. The stupid cunt. And he's given us $2,000 as a result. So he listened to the podcast last week. He was very finely happy with it.

Yep. His comment was, much better job, boys. I laughed a lot. I have no plans to go to any of your live gigs. Showing his credentials as a true fan. Exactly. Great. Okay.

Well, yeah. So that's... I thought there was going to be... I was really... I'm disappointed. I was really hoping he still wouldn't be happy and we'd get another

fucking grand out of this guy. He did say potentially maybe. So, yeah. Well, you know, we've had Rich Young chip in $2,000. We also had during the week someone chipped in $10

by the name Poor Old. So... Okay. Hey, I didn't write it some idiot on the internet did and I tried to spit it into gold oh let's get a guest out here I reckon let's go back to the good gear that suicide stuff Jesus Christ uh guys it is always uh such a treat when we have this guy down here uh he's come down the last couple of comedy festivals and he's always fucking awesome. So good to have him back on the show. Please go crazy and welcome back into the little dum-dum club,

Hamish Blake! Hey! How's it going, guys? Thank you. I assume this is me. You didn't want me to sit down the end. No, go stand over the other side of the room and talk to us from there.

Have an awkward face-off. So, ten bucks. No, go stand over the other side of the room and talk to us from there. Have an awkward face-off. So $10, was that the second highest donation? Because you jumped from $2,000 to $10 pretty quickly. Someone donated $79 and I was like, why would you chip in $79? And then in his message he said, I was going to give you a sweet $69, but I wanted to make it $10 more to get you to $5,000. Oh, that's sweet. It's nice of him, but I wanted to make it 10 more to get you to five grand. Oh, that's sweet.

It's nice of him, but also I would have rather the dinner for two. It would have been so much better. Look, I mean, I hope this can help in some way, but obviously I've got a podcast or I'm part of a podcast myself. I mean, you know, fake podcast because radio show repurposed. What's it called? Rebadged. It's called TED Talks and we're pretty happy with how it's going. We have to do different voices every week and do a lot of research.

So it's getting fatiguing and it's pretty low on lols. Something we have in common. That's true. Actually, a lot of our comments are like, I came here for a little dum-dum. This is quite a bit funny. Came here for a refreshing change. But thinking, I mean, I just love,

I love the podcasting festival idea. I mean, I wish we'd had it ourselves. I mean, this is... It's one of the few... If you can't invent your own festival, what are you doing? Yeah, it's very much in your guys' wheelhouse, isn't it? And I'd like to personally see,

if we could get our names out there. So what's the guy's name? Rich Young. So we've now branded it the Rich Young is a fucking stupid idiot and his shitty YouTube channel, Kosamui International Podcast Festival. Similar to Panty Thief Rich Young. Am I insulting him as well? Or is it just you guys?

You're more than welcome to, yeah. Similar to Panty Thief Rich Young. Love to get the Hamish Andy name out there. Could we sponsor promotional stubby holders? Sure. Because it's going to be hot over there. Oh, yeah. I've got a merch contact.

I do quite a bit of merch for our show against Andy's will. This sounds more like a warehouse full of stock that you couldn't get rid of yourself. I got a guy. I got a guy. I got a guy. I think we've still got about 22,000 napkins sitting around the office.

But, I mean, forget about that. I reckon I can get in touch with this guy and make up like 100 little Dum Dum Club posters. Yeah, great. And then just on the back, proudly brought to you by Hamish and Andy Podcast. Well, I mean, It's a podcasting festival so we've

got to get our name out there. We don't know who in the podcasting world is going to be. We can make that on the posters.

Rich Young is a fucking idiot and his YouTube channel presents Cozumel podcast festival starring Little Dumb Dumb Club and Hamish and

Andy's. Beholders. Special appearance keep your eyes peeled. This is a good idea. We'll run it up

the ladder to the festival directors and see what we can do. I understand. I appearance, keep your eyes peeled. This is a good idea. I mean, we'll run it up the ladder to the festival directors and see what we can do, see if they're into it. I understand. I'm not going to get a green light today. A lot of admin, you can't beat City Hall, et cetera. I am interested, though, when you say posters, because who's going again? Like, do you need posters?

We literally have... Just for when the delegates land and they're like, oh, which way, where you need posters? We literally have... Just for when the delegates land and they're like, oh, which way? Where's the bus? We do want to get that happening. Yeah. So, no, we do. We're having a bus sent out for us because we are partially sponsored

by the Ozo Chuang Samui Resort. Partially sponsored? Well, they're giving us a deal. So is that a sponsorship? That's a sponsorship, yeah. Oh, right. My beer coaster guy is giving me, like, my subbie holder guy is giving me a deal. Yeah, yeah. Oh, right. My beer coaster guy is giving me a deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Exactly. So there are literally at the moment I think we're up to 70 punters that are flying over specifically for it. Just to confirm, we have zero fans in Thailand. Sure, sure. But, I mean, there's no one in Australia that could hold this level of festival. You guys are just going to get hammered and forget about podcasting for a week and then right at the end go,

shit, we didn't do a podcast. Get out, mate. You enjoying the departure lounge? Yeah, special one-off show from Koh Samui Airport. I love the arts. Koh Samui just comes alive at this time of year when the podcast festival rolls into town. There's just so much to do.

Well, I mean, look, it's right. I don't know why I thought of this, but I stayed at a hostel in New York once where like under attractions, it had listed. So it was like, you know, hostel attractions and it was like, you know, lounge area, which was like at reception. Lounge area, which was on couch.

Then it went Chinatown, but like they didn't invent Chinatown. Like that's just, that just next to the hostel. And it had vending machine listed as one of the top three attractions. Oh, nice. And I feel like the podcasting festival could be that to Thailand. Oh, yeah. One of Thailand's shittier attractions.

Yeah. This is all good stuff. Yeah. We still need to think of other stuff to do while we're over there. We've got ideas for shows and stuff. If you were in the mix of this, what would you be looking to do? Because you guys do this sort of stuff all the time. In terms of organising, you have registration obviously

that's going to chew up a few minutes in the morning. You probably want a mixer, like a professional mixer where podcasting fans can come and mingle with high-powered podcasters. I thought you meant mixer like a thing microphones go into. I'm like, how fucking incompetent do you think we are? Yeah, we're on it, mate. You'll need electricity. So make sure you're not at an Amish resort.

I mean, then I suppose like, you know, do you know what your goal should be? I mean, then I suppose, like, you know, do you know what your goal should be? If you can get one Thai-based podcast to turn up genuinely thinking it's a podcast festival, like, that's the goal. Then everyone, then just, then if you can seriously invite them to a seminar or a lecture

and then vox pop them afterwards, like, mission accomplished. And then they can be the sister program for the show. I will say I did get in touch with a podcast over there about this very thing and they in their reply email were way too excited and I immediately felt guilty. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's bullshit. We just want to come over for possible

sex massages. Don't tell my mum, please don't tell my mum. Sorry, this is an elaborate cover for wristies. I'm so sorry. That would have been good, Brendan. The elaborate cover for Ristys International Podcast Festival. No, the poorly disguised Risty trip podcasting festival. No, the tax-deductible Risty podcast festival.

Oh, man. I guess the question here is you guys have done so many seasons now of your Gap Year show. How much money has Rich Young given you? Yeah, what an arsehole. I mean, I'd have to go back through the books, but yeah, I'll check our donors. I don't think he's on there.

Oh, because that's the other thing we didn't get to before. So we talked about him last week, this guy Rich Young. We know nothing about this guy. And this is a mark of what our fans are like. During the week we get an email, someone goes, got some information on Rich Young for you. And this guy's just looking him up. Currently tailing Rich Young.

Let me know, do you want us to physically insult him? Should I bust his knees? Yeah. So this guy emails us and goes, I looked him up on the ABN database. Here you go, boys. And he just sends us a link to this outdated ABN that was cancelled in 2007.

Like, what the fuck can we do with that? Who is Rich? And we know he's rich because he's giving two grand to you guys to be insulted. But is he young? That's probably the big question. It's like you guys have entered into this weird podcast S&M relationship, isn't it? You're being paid to be his masters.

Yeah. Like he just wants you to like verbally spit on him and call him a fuckhead. Yeah. But you didn't question that for a second. You're like, yeah, great, give us some money. We'll do whatever you want. Yeah. No problemo.

You're just funding a risky trip anyways. Absolutely. Absolutely. Should we get our second guest on? Yes, let's get our second guest on here. Folks, again, it's been a while since this guy has been on the podcast, but he's always awesome. You know him from

The Project. Please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club, Peter Hellier. Whoop whoop. Hey Pete, enjoying that young Henry? This is a lovely

young Henry. Not sure why the fuck they put it in that Erdinger glass. It's a fucking great name for a beer, isn't it? Erdinger. Oh, I love it. Sounds like something a dad asked mum before they fucking did it.

If you're going to do it, do it with Erdinger. Save yourself some money. Wait, so now we're sponsoring Erdinger and the whole concept of safe sex at the same time, yeah? I'm just not sure if I'm comfortable drinking something in an erdinger, to be honest. Or drinking from an erdinger. Where's the guy from the Bureau of Meteorology? I don't know, it was a while ago.

It was about an hour ago now. And it's tough to say bureau after a few words. Bureau of Meteorology. After a couple of delicious young Henrys. I felt sorry for him, Tommy, because you called him a dumb cunt. Sorry, can you say cunt on this show? I'm not sure. After 500, it scrubs the podcast from your phone.

Tell me you're not tempted pretty regularly on the project when you get a good bit of vision. Instead of a witty callback, just being like, what a dumb cunt, ladies and gentlemen. That's what we're all thinking when we watch at home. We're going to say cunt once a year, and I haven't used it yet. Watch out. Well, that's it for the project this year,

and thanks a lot for watching. Oh, you're cunts. I still had it up my sleeve. Are you hoping to bank up ten years' worth and just go crazy one night on the show? Just unload on Steve Price in one fucking... Hardouken style, yeah. No, you called him a dumb cunt and I thought that was a bit harsh

because basically, so he said that he works at the... You remember Rodger? And that he put out the warning and then he left his house. Yes. And you called him a dumb cunt for that. I think it's a fucking genius move, to be honest. If I was going out and I could fucking clear the roads... Oh his house. Yes. And you called him a dumb cunt for that. I think it's a fucking genius move, to be honest. If I was going out and I could fucking clear the roads. Oh, yes.

What else? You're a smart cunt, man. Try that on the project if you want to get a clear run home after the show. Oh, we just got a word in. Poisonous gas all over the streets, guys. Don't go outside. Godzilla's on punt road. Fuck.

Don't go outside. Godzilla's on punt road. Fuck. So, Pete, you just actually probably weird segue into this, just recently put out a children's book. Can you say cunt in that? You get one. I got one. I got one.

I got one. It's written in pig Latin. Look out for it. Un-kay, page 42. Yes, I did. I did. I'm not sure if the kids listen to this show, to be honest. I'm not sure if it's...

Sure, mums and dads do, so go and buy it for your gorgeous little cunts. But if you did get one for a kid's book, surely you'd put it next to the ISBN number or something and go, what are you reading this for, you cunt? How bored are you on the toilet? You've read the whole book what are you reading the ISBN number for? Well yeah, you make it like, one of the barcode is just like, can't extend it.

Well that thing where, I mean this is visual but if you do that with your head like it have you seen those lights that are all LED? It doesn't even work if it's visual. Just realised the visual disclaimer turned tended to be not enough Sorry, this is visual, abstract and not funny So here we go

Hey, it'll play in Thailand It'll be good over there When do you go to Thailand? When is it? It is May 31 to June 5 I'm busy Do keep a trestle table free for us, though. In case we want to come up and exhibit at the expo.

How many people in this room have a trestle table? I've got two. You have one. If you move to a new city and you're unconfident making friends, get a trestle table. I'm a trestle table guy in our friendship group. You know you've got trailer guy caravan guy

like big ladder guy like helpful guys every time a two year old's birthday comes around I'm like oh hey can we get the trestle table no worries guys

no worries I bring it over it collapses down super conveniently I mean you could be at a party every weekend if you had a trestle table

people fucking love them and they're great tables lot of surface area young Henry's trestle tables click the link click the link. Click the link in the podcast now. But really,

trestle tables, yeah, they're a great way. Great way to be a very useful friend. Because, you know, no one likes me, but I can provide surface area. Should we get our third guest out before we talk too much more? She's got a brain like a trestle table. And that's a compliment.

Everyone needs one. Good at markets. Yeah, folks, first time on the show. Very excited to have her. You'll know her from Utopia and from The Weekly. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Kitty Flanagan. Yeah. Thank you.

Yes. Brain like a trestle table. Nothing worth taking off there. Absolutely. Nothing of value in there. It collapses up and you can pop it in the basement. Now, Kitty. And yes, I am drinking white wine with ice.

Classy. She's marking her out. It's a young Henry. It's very watered down. That's marking her out. It's a young Henry. It's very watered down. That's shit and refreshing. How long have you had that wine for now? It was starting to run out so I topped it up with ice. Oh, look out.

Hey, can I just say something? For any ladies going to the Thailand trip, fucking like there'd be ladies going to the Thailand trip. But if there are, I've been there once. Brilliant opportunity to go shoplifting. Absolutely no one can see a white woman in Thailand. We are invisible.

So get over there and start shoplifting now. Break the law. Do whatever you want. You are invisible in Thailand. Save yourself a sweet three cents on every item. Not to be confused with Bali. White women are visible there. Chappelle can vouch for that. bar invisible in Thailand. Save yourself a sweet three cents on every item. Not to be confused with Bali. White women are visible there.

Chappelle can vouch for that. They definitely saw her at the airport. What's this floating boogie board bag? Oh, no, someone's on it. Yep, got it. Now, Kitty, you have been asking me quite a few questions about the podcast because you've never been on it, so you're a little bit worried. What have you picked up on what you've seen so far?

I haven't heard much since you said someone fully fucked him because I just... I've been out there trying to imagine what halfly fucked him is. Well, you should come to the podcasting festival and see what 400 Bart will get you, like these guys are doing. Fully fucked. Fully fucked. Yeah. And see what 400 baht will get you. Like these guys are doing. Fully fucked.

Fully fucked. Yeah. I think I stopped fully fucking people a while ago. What are you, three quarters now? No, I'm at that age where you just kind of, you get to a point when you're dating someone and you think, oh, can I be nude with a new person? I don't think I can. And I don't have body image issues.

I know people are thinking, oh, come on, you look fine. I look fine in this firm exoskeleton of clothing. But I just think I'm at the age now where you take that firm exoskeleton of clothing off and I'm a little bit like a cake that hasn't been quite cooked properly. You know when you turn it out of the tin and you take the tin off and for a second you go, ooh, and then flump. It's all just a little bit disappointing. and that's why I just, you know... But Kitty, you still eat the cake, don't you?

Yeah. Don't you? Yeah. Don't you? You do. You do. You do. That uncooked cake in the bowl, that's the best bit. You just... You fully eat that cake. You fully eat the fuck out of that cake

You fucking lick those beaters I feel like we should stop talking about you like a cake now Because it's getting to the point where you're passing the bowl around And that's The analogy has died The analogy has stopped Baskin and Robbins I feel strangely

positive about it now. I feel like I'm going to walk away from here with my head held high. I'm going to get out there and fully fuck people. She's back. Now you are currently shooting a new season of Utopia. Yeah.

There was a recent addition to the cast. It's a a recent addition to the cast. Yes. It's a fairly big friend of the show. Yes. He's a little, not little, sorry. I know. Nazeem Hussain has really stacked it on, but he's doing,

he's going really great in the show. We love having him there. Dilwark Jai Singer, friend of the show, yes. Oh, seriously. This is not public yet. Is this not public? Yes, it is now. Someone open a window. We're going public.

I'm so glad I can't get into trouble because I called him Nazeem. I said Fat Nazeem had joined the show. That is very soft for this show. So you're working with Dilruch. How is he as an actor? How has he affected the catering budget basically? He's alright. I wouldn't

rave about him. Would you go home and learn your lines, you fat cunt? No, you know what happened? He heard you talking about cake. It's weird that he's here. It's four o'clock. Isn't it time for third lunch at this point?

All right, so he is here. So, yeah, he's an alright actor. He's alright to deal with. He's... No? Can He's alright to deal with. No? Can't talk about him now. He's here. I was really going to get stuck in, but now it's awkward.

No, no. If there's one thing you know about this show, it's everyone really tries to protect Dil's feelings. There's one area we will not tread. Yeah, that's fair. So, well, what about this? We'll go back instead of doing that, that dicey area of somehow insulting Dilrick. Pete, your kids' book.

So we've been inspired by your kids' book because I think, I believe, are you working on a second one already? I am, yes. It's a trilogy. Right, how's that going? It's all right? Well, yep.

No, well, the first book has gone really well. It's the number one kids' book in the country. The name of the book is? If you're American, you'd be fucking clapping that. And there's one under every seat. No way. Just like Oprah, we're all going to Australia. Oh no, we're here.

Yeah, we're writing the second one now. Right, and the name of it? Frankie Fish in a Sonic Suitcase. Right, lovely, name of it? Frankie Fish in a Sonic Suitcase. Right, lovely. Awesome. So, Frankie Fish in a Cunting Suitcase. Huzzah! And is it a true story?

It's basically a true story. I went time travelling with my grandad when I was 12. Right. And you ended up here. Nice. Can I just ask, do you know where the second book's going? Or are you just writing and talking? I do now.

No, I didn't for quite a while. I bet Frankie does a podcast. And goes to Thailand. Magic trestle table. All things we mentioned before. So we've... This guy gets comedy.

Please see the footnotes for backlinks. So we've been inspired by that. We're trying to pitch a kids' book ourselves, The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Publishers will be mad not to go with you guys. Yeah, exactly. Is it going to be about suicide?

That seemed popular. One for the kids getting early. You can never be too young. Wow, you finally went too far. I can't believe it. I'm going to drop my mic in the young Henry here and have you handle that. So we are currently pitching our story around the publishing world.

Great. So maybe we'll give you an excerpt of what we've got so far. Because you've been cleared, we've been rejected by quite a lot of publishing houses already. I find it hard to believe. So, if you've got any ideas, any tips at all, we thought we'd read out a bit of it now.

So, if we've got the background music that might lend itself. You don't get background music in books. You don't get that in books. Okay, these are good notes. Just save them all for the end though. This would be great for those kids' audiobooks that they like to just sit back don't get that in books. That doesn't happen. Okay, these are good notes. Just save them all for the end, though. This would be great for those kids' audio books that they like to just sit back, relax on a long drive. All right, so presenting our kids' book,

Tommy Daslow and the Wizard of Tim. Tommy Daslow always knew he was special. He knew he had magic powers, even from a young age. He could make the money from his mum's purse disappear. One day he ran into a magical ancient wizard. I mean, he was over 40 years old. He was from a far away

land called Meriburra. And he was called Dumblecunt. Hello little boy, said Dumblecunt. I've been watching you for a long time i bet you have you weird old fuck said tommy i can see you have great potential and i'd like you to go to my special magic school wow that sounds amazing said tommy great we can go there right now just hop in the back of my van said double cunt uh no i've fallen for that one before. I got tricked by another bloke who said he was a wizard. Is there any other way I can get there? Can't I just run head first into the platform

wall at Flinders Street Station? Close, said the wizard. You can run head first off the Westgate. Where is this school anyway? asked Tommy. Tommy Why in the most magical place of all Replied the wizard In Thailand A land you can visit three times a year And all of your dodgy dreams can come true And that's the bit where all of the publishing houses Seem to have a problem after that

It wasn't at the Westgate Bridge bit Sorry I mean I cheated Because I could see the notes Let's definitely leave this music on For the whole rest of the podcast by the way Sorry, I mean, I cheated because I could see the notes. Let's definitely leave this music on for the whole rest of the podcast, by the way. And let's definitely put the music on that I said not to put on. I believe, is that what I think it is?

That's, what is it? I mean, it felt like thinking music. Or massage music. Oh, yeah, that's fair. Which tied in nicely to the Thailand stuff. But over at the end where you mentioned the Thailand bit, I could just see in brackets Tommy had written, like, good place for scratch and sniff panel. And I don't think you should.

Not for the dodgy Thailand stuff. You've got to bring scratch and sniff back. It's been out of form for too long. That would be my only note. All right. I'll make that note now. I believe that, I think that music might have been, our tech came up and said to me, hey, man,

I reckon I've got the perfect music for that storybook bit and he just had selected on Spotify, theme from Schindler's List. It was actually not that. Right. I did ask for the Harry Potter music, but that was not Harry Potter music. Your book was darker than Schindler's List, that's probably. I'm not sure we really should be pointing fingers at the backing track. I'm not sure we really should be pointing fingers at the backing track.

If we're going for a literary deconstruction here. So what do you guys think? Any feedback? No, that's a winner. Yeah, that's a winner. Oh, done. All right. I didn't like it. And for that reason, I'm out.

Probably, how many times did you say cunt? Three or four? Oh, not in that. No? It's a double cunt. You can't say cunt? Three or four Oh, none in that No, no, yeah Double cunt You can't bury cunt in another word There's no space It's a new word

Yeah, exactly That's just someone's name That's not a word anymore Yeah, it's a proper name This isn't Scrabble We can do it We can get away with it I'm not sure if you can

No, it's good Another note Email me at my hotmail address And I'll pass it on Alright, very good Get away with it. I'm not sure if you can. No, it's good. Another note. Email me at my hotmail address and I'll pass it on. All right. Very good. We were going to have a scene where we recreate a Quidditch match but with a ping pong ball. What do you think about that?

Sounds like a YouTube channel. Tommy's a guy though, right? Yeah. All right. I'd be like... Yeah, I'd be up for that because I've seen the other one and to be honest, I'm looking for something different. So, yeah.

Good. Another note. Finally, a positive note. Great. So, we obviously do a lot of research on this show. Anytime we have big famous people on, I do a lot of research on a little place called VIPFAQ.com, which one of the leading

parts on that is just saying percentage of how gay the celebrity is. It's a very weird thing. These are things that must be known. Yeah, exactly. Hamish, I looked you up and you are apparently 37%. I'll take that. Yeah.

I mean, I'd love a little bit more but look, I know I've got dirty jeans and bad shoes on. I'm not very fashionable, so I'll take 37. Just more than a third. That's pretty good. I'll take it. Yeah. I don't really know how the science works,

but I'm happy with my mix. Yeah. So what the bit that stood out for me was, on the profile, was there was a question. A lot of this is written by someone whose English is not their first or second or third language. Oh, Christ. Here we go.

No, I'm just quoting from the site. It's like Dumblecunt all over again. People thought they were tense when we read out the email thread. It says, how does Hamish Blake look like? That's right. He does say, how does Hamish Blake look like? How does he look like? Maybe he's born with it.

How did Hamish look like young? That was the question. And the answer was, this is how Hamish Blake looks like. The photo hopefully gives you an impression of Hamish Blake's life and work. And the picture is you playing poker with Andrew G. Spot on. I lured him. life and work. And the picture is you playing poker with Andrew G. Spot on. Yeah.

I lured him to my house to play No Limit Hold'em for I Wanted a Spot on Australian Idol. No, that was on a show called Joker Poker. Right. Which was on like, did you ever do that, Pete? I feel like you would have got roped into that. No, I think I got asked. Oh, you had morals. And you didn't need $750.

Which I invested and then turned that into $2,000 and then later anonymously donated to a podcasting trip under a pseudonym. Great. Yeah, that was a show called Joker Poker. Right. And it was hosted by Mike Goldman. Have you guys had any run-ins? The Big Brother.

The Big Brother Uplight voice. Do you guys know? I know he was the voice and then he ran Big Brother Uplight. You were just about to say, have you had any run-ins with him? Well, I mean, I don't know if he's been on or if he's like in your circle or not. Because I'm going to tell a story that doesn't paint Mike Goldman in the greatest light. Oh, we're against that. He's going to look a bit more like Mike Plated Brassman here.

But he's... Nice. Thank you. I have no story about him. I just wanted to do a precious medals joke. Do you write for Mad Magazine? They're waiting to get back to me. So at the start, so the whole thing was done at Sydney's casino

and it was just going to be like poker. It was during that two or three years when everyone was like, oh, this could be a spectator sport. And so it was like me, Andy, Andrew G, Arj Barker was on our episode, just a mishmash of people just playing poker for cameras and for $750. And

Mike Goldman was hosting and at the start we were all up some stairs and you walk down the stairs and there's a poker table there and he turns to Andy and I and goes, hey guys, just a little something. Stand back, stand back, stand back a bit. Like when they introduce me, like I'm going to do a big, I'm going to do a thing, so just stand back.

So like, oh, there we go, Mike Platinum, man, we were thinking. Here we go. And so they're like, they do the big opening. There's lights going everywhere. And they're like, ladies and gentlemen, live from Star City Casino, here's Juggabugger. Here's yours, Mike Goldman. And he does this ultra showbiz kind of sideways run down the stairs.

And then sort of pretends to trip and points back to where he tripped and dusts himself off and mimes it and does a big Austin Powers run up to the camera. He goes, hey, everybody. And then they're like, cut, sorry, guys, cut, cut. And that whole run down took like 40 seconds. And they're like, okay, Mike, where's he going to go again? Can you just do a normal walk, please?

And it was the longest walk of shame for him to come back up the stairs to go, hey, they didn't like my walk. So everyone has to reset and everyone's just like, fuck this gig. Like, looking at their... I feel like camera guys are hating it because it's like the worst job in TV.

They're like, here we go again, please welcome Mike Goldman. And he just slunk down the stairs. Like he just had a vasectomy. It's a good, you can't open the show like that. You can't rev the audience up before they're about to watch people play cards. It's not fair. It's not fair. Let's get down to business.

Jack Spades and two of clubs. It was, but that was probably the greatest gift from getting to meet Andrew G that day, playing Joker poker. That and the fact that someone said to Andy before we went on, like makeup-wise, and this was like our first year in TV, they were like, hey, do you want us to straighten your hair?

Do any? Andy goes, oh, no, no. And they're like, yeah, we do it to all the people that come in. I wish I could find this makeup lady and give her all my money. All that $750 because it was the greatest. Because then he was like, oh, really? Is that what people do? Like, yeah. Did everyone think he was Charlie Pickering?

They straightened Ando's hair and he had this gorgeous straight bob. And in just like that one moment of makeup, peer pressure really threw him and he just couldn't focus the whole game and was terrible at poker. He had bad poker hair. I just kept going, this is delightful.

Actually, I remember now, I did do that show. My hair was crimped. Yeah, cornrows, pee. So in answer to VIPFAQ.com's question, that's how you look so young? That's how I look so young. I was smiling. There's like a fascination of how you haven't changed.

It's not like you look like Fred Savage 10 years ago. What do you look like before that long grey beard came? Yeah, I was probably like 25 then and I'm 35 now. It's all those gap years you keep taking, man. You're so well rested yeah looks like 10 years older

I suppose yeah um that's that's was I meant to talk there I was just

was I answering your question or were we just letting that trail out yeah I think we're

just doing the trail out that's kind of the motto of this podcast yeah come on the little dum-dum

club podcast you won't be 100% sure when you're meant to talk. Yeah. I wish we had more ads to throw to. But we do have another special guest. Well, yeah, someone just signalled at me from the side of stage

that we've had someone. This is pretty rare that someone's dropped in and wants to get on the podcast. They've been on the show before. This is very exciting. Especially considering who we've already got on stage yeah this is crazy it's pretty rare that you get to see these guys uh together live on stage like you'd know them from radio and from tv but um guys give it up and welcome back into

little dum-dum club andy lee oh my god it's the real andy it's the real how are you babe yeah really good, babe. Yeah, look at that curly thing. You've got to straighten that out, boy. And wearing your signature line of clothing too. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, this is my Andy Lee shirt that I wear because I'm Andy Lee. Hey, you do say that every day.

And sometimes I go, you're Hamish, I'm Andy. We're Hamish and Andy. We'll both laugh. You'd think it would get old, but it doesn't. It never gets old. We love the brand, don't we? We love the brand. It's a good brand.

Our friendship's a brand. It's a brand that we solidified in 2003 while we were studying at Melbourne University. That's right, Andy, and I'm Hamish. And you're Hamish That's right, Andy. And I'm Hamish. And you're Hamish. And I'm Andy. And I'm also Hamish.

And you're Hamish. We do often try and have the last word. And I'm Hamish. And I'm Andy. As mentioned, I'm Hamish. Wow, you must have a lot of stories about starting out with Hamish. Oh, man, you'd remember. I remember them all. What about when you first ever met?

There must have been a really good story. We first ever met in 2001 at the university that we were at. How do you remember this stuff? I guess I had a huge impact on you. I saw him from across the room and I went, we are going to become one of Australia's most beloved comedy duos. I know it. But do you remember what we did later that day?

Yeah. Cool. We ate a big pie. And it was like a cheese and bacon pie. I still remember walking into Mick's pie emporium and yelling, hey Mick

C and B for two. And we just it was a little lady and the tramp wasn't it? You had the cheese I had the bacon we mixed it up

oh my goodness. I do remember saying to him afterwards hey like in future pies mix them up. Don't do one half cheese and one half bacon because the bacon side

is thick and salty. Yeah. And that cheese side, the pastry can't hold it in. It just... That is the difference between radio and podcast. We wouldn't have thought of that.

That's very good. Well, you're dealing with two of the most elite minds in radio. One of them. Anyway. Well, sorry, Andy. I mean, the brains of the operation.

I am Andy. And I am Hamish. Still straight in your hair? Yeah. It's gone all frizzy today because of the fucking weather And I am Hamish Still straight in your hair? Yeah It's gone all frizzy today Because of the fucking weather Because of that cunt Because of the fucking

That's my Andy Sorry man But he's a bit of a hothead You were asking for it By just being here I'm not sure Andy I'm not sure he's the one Who programs it

Well we'll see Will we? Well, shut up. I got to say... Now you're getting two barrels of Andy Lee. Look out. A puss puss. He's been doing that for years.

That's my catchphrase, it's puss puss, you know. How many times have I been called a puss puss all year? Have you sent me that in a message with a question mark after it and I've had to respond, I'm married, stop doing this. But you are 37% gay. 37% gay, yeah. 37%. And counting.

Andy, over the years there's been a lot of pranks, a lot of stunts that you guys have pulled together. You must have one favourite that you just could not get across the line. Oh, yes. When we were doing our gotcha calls, we did one. TM. TM. Yeah, the TM gotcha calls.

Invented them. Copyright. I technically came up with gotcha. I came up with a gotch, and he came up with a. Because I was actually in the middle of going, ah, that's clever. Call someone not as ourselves. Oh, Hamish and Andy. I'm Hamish.

So what we did, my favourite gotcha call, we called these blokes. Here we go. We called them and we were like, oh, we're a big network. We're a big radio network. You guys are on the radio. Drive time. We told them. And then

Carl, he cried. He actually, you wouldn't think it from his cracked and withered face, but he has emotions. He wept tears of joy. It's not a cracked and withered face. It's just a very small face. There's no need to be unkind. It was like in Attenborough, wasn't it?

Middle of Australia getting the first rain in 200 years. Just the dust pinging and lizards going, oh, we're on here. That was a great prank. hundred years. Just the dust pinging and lizards going, oh, we're on here. Oh. And then... That was a great prank. It was a great prank to break their hearts like that. It just... And I remember we got off the phone after a prank and we were like, see, you don't really need

an idea. No. You can just call people and go, you're on the radio right now. Oh, yeah. Great question, Pete. Great question. I might just... We might open it up to a couple of calls. So, guys, if you want to call in the show, just call 0438...

No, no, don't do that one. 660... No, don't do that one! And when we field in your calls, you've got to figure out the last three digits. It's Carl's number is the joke there. Thanks for doing your research there, Andy. Yeah to figure out the last three digits. It's Carl's number is the joke there. Thanks for doing your research there, Andy. No worries, I'm Andy.

Hey, Andy. And I'm Hamish. Andy from Hamish and Andy, now you guys have done many seasons of your popular show Gap Year. What's your favourite place that you've been, your favourite Gap Year show that you've done? I always say that, you know, I can't pick one, but you. I know you've got

a certain. I remember watching a YouTube video and also being there. Of course. Of course. The one where one of us got bitten by a lot of ants. Always nice to double check on YouTube if it was you or me. Yeah. And then still not remember after you've watched it.

We do so much, Ando. We do so much. I know. There's the ant biting. There was the seal clubbing. That was fun. That's on YouTube on the dark web. Was there a Gap Year Antarctica? That's on BlackTube.

We had a whole different persona. It didn't make it to air officially. Yeah, we did not. That was a bad time for everyone. Sure was, Andy. Oh, yeah. Thailand, Gap Year Thailand. That was good. and Hamish. Thailand, gap year Thailand, that was good. Shit, man, yeah. Saw Carl's second

family. Got to meet them. Yeah. Saw people just sweeping out the convention centre, getting ready, putting up the lanyard stand. What do you do to organise a convention? You've never been to any kind of festival before, have you,

Hamish? Oh, really? Then where do you get your lanyards from, Einstein? Oh, bus, bus. Fucking hell. Oh, no. That's my boy. That's my boy. Yeah, you find shots over here, you're going to get retaliation from a boy and a thing.

Now I'm crying. I'm an idiot. You were on the Clio Bachelor of the Year list one year. Talk us through, I through... Sorry, obviously. I've only gotten hotter. God, it really is Andy. I actually thought that snuck an imposter in it. I was playing along, but now I know it's really you.

It's really me. Those cheese and bacon pies, I never stopped. That's what got me Cleo Bachelor of the Year. It was my hot body. What can I say? It was my hot body and they said that I won or was nominated for Cleo Bachelor of the Year in 2006 or 2007. I think it's the cake batter look you're going for. It's just delicious.

The cake batter look is a hot look. I love the cake batter look. I love the cake batter look. I love the cake batter taste. I love to eat cake batter. I want to stop talking. Hang on. You never know on this podcast. You never know. It's crazy what happens with Hamish and Andy.

You like the cake batter taste but you just said you're the cake. You like to taste yourself. Yeah. Uh oh, Ando. I did say that. Sometimes words come in. Tell them. No, tell them. Tell them.

Okay. Tell them. I'll tell them the story. You're with mates. Tell them. Tell them. Tell them about Hawaii. I was in Hawaii.

Here we go. And I got into a vat of oil. Here we go. Oh, boy. I can see how this cleanly goes off the back of the cake batter story. And so then I started licking the oil off myself like a hungry dog. And I can't figure out what happened now. But I am in the lead.

Someone is working very hard. I feel like I was going very well at the start and it's really petered out. No, look, I mean, long story short, that Gap Year Hawaii was the other episode that never aired because that was fucking full on. And it was super confronting to see you devour yourself covered in oil. I devoured myself and, yeah, just turned myself inside out.

You're dirty, aren't you, Andy? I'm a dirty, dirty boy. And that's Andy Lee. And I'm Hamish Blake. Good night. Andy Lee. Andy Lee, everyone. Andy Lee.

Get out of here, you bastard. I'll see you later on. Yeah. Don't go home just yet, we'll split an Uber. Andy and I live together like Bert and Ernie. I think it's a good time to get the guest off when people start walking out. So that was a good time. That might have been Andy.

How dare you tell everyone about Hawaii. Kitty, again, any questions about what's going on? Anything you'd like us to brief you on before we start the podcast? Can I get more wine? More wine for Kitty? Don't worry, Kitty, this is just the dress rehearsal. The actual thing is going to go a lot more smoother than this. When do we go live?

We should go live soon. Yeah, all right, let's start it now. I thought you were going to tell us all how gay we were. I was actually going to pour it to my percentage. I was quite excited by that and I was like fuck only Hamish is a bit gay.

I thought I was going to go through the fucking roof with a percentage. I thought you were going to go and Flanagan 97!

I was like I win all those gayness. Holy shit I'm calling mum and dad. Did you look at what was it VIPGAY

what was it? I forget the name. A little bit of respect to the clinical gay testing machine, which is... Is VIPFAQ, is it like Wikipedia? Can anyone edit it? Can we put 97%...

Oh, you can vote on it. Oh, you can vote on it? It's scientific. You can vote on people's gayness. That's what we need to do. We need to all go home, go on to VIPFAQ.com and vote Kitty through the roof. 97% gay.

If people just left to their own devices to say how gay they were, I mean, that's an inaccurate system. Let the market decide. It's democracy. Crowdsource this opinion. Yeah, exactly. No, sorry, I'm sorry. There was no information.

I did look up you on all of the very terrible websites that I can find. That sounds dodgy. I mean, not like that. Visit Thailand.com. I've been to that quite a bit. I'm sorry, there was no information on you. I'm sorry. I was looking forward to knowing because I'm not actually gay

but I feel like I'm getting to the age where maybe I could be. Maybe I could be a lesbian. This is the website to find out. And also to find out if you played poker once with Andrew G and forgot about it. It's a pretty confronting website. Maybe we should just vote. I just want to put out there, I could only be like,

like I don't want to be, because I'm not ready yet, so I reckon at the moment I could only be like a waist up lesbian. Just top half only. I'm just not ready for fingers in the tail. I'm just saying top half. So like Hamish, like 37%. Yeah, I suppose 37% is like armpits. Yeah, you're right.

49. 50, it's 50. Yeah, 49 has got a 1% degree of error. It's 50. 49 because I don't even want pubes. But I know 50% is like cutting you. I know how you've worked that out mathematically. But surely that area is worth more of a percentage.

How much percentage? I don't know, Pete. What about your brain? You piece of shit. Acting like a real rich young. Spoken like a real lesbian. Spoken like somebody who's 37% gay. What about Kitty's trestle table?

I think we should wrap it up there for this week For the little dum-dum club Big round of applause Kitty Flanagan Peter Hellyer Hamish Blake Sorry, can I just thank you very much Because I really thought we were going to be thanked there as Cunts 1, two and three.

So that was very nice to be named. At the end of the episode you have to decide who do you want to date, cunt one, cunt two. And a big round of applause for Andy Lee and for no real reason our friend Greg Larson. Give him a round of applause. Guys, thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates!