The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 350 - Live! Dave O'Neil, Harley Breen, Gen Fricker, Xavier Michelides & Josh Earl

Episode Date: June 20, 2017

Comas, Bank Balances and Parody Songs. Recorded LIVE at the European Bier Cafe on June 18, 2017.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a special 350th episode with guests Dave O'Neill, Harley Breen, Jen Frickert, Josh Earle and Xavier Michaelides. Carl, did you ever think that we'd make it to 350 episodes? Absolutely. I knew it and just as I know now, we're going to make it to 1600. Wow. I don't feel like having you in my life for that long. Well, it's happening. I'm sure of it. As sure as I was for 350, I am of 1,600.

I have to say it felt like neither of us thought we would make it to 350 two weeks ago when we were at a pool in Koh Samui and we suddenly remembered, oh, yeah, we have this milestone coming up as soon as we get back. Yeah, but then we did a little dick swinging thing and we went, what if we literally said, what if we call this episode out? What if we say, right, this, we're going to do a live show about 48 hours out. Let's see if we can pack out a venue with only 48 hours notice. And we, we, we did a pretty good job, I think.

Yeah, I think we did a great job. Yeah. You know what I think was good was this episode I think was really fun because I think that everyone who was there just wanted to be there at that time you know i mean like if you book for something well in advance yeah there's probably a lot of people that turn up on the day that don't really want to be there right aren't really into it because they've had the tickets sitting there and they're like i have to go to this thing no one was under any obligation to go so i felt like there was a ripper of an energy in

that room there was a great energy um i did there was a little bit of a shame because we didn't get any of those people to buy tickets and then don't show up, which I love that money. That's true, yeah. That money in particular. Maybe we did. Maybe some people came and gave us their cash on the door and then something came up. Who knows?

Maybe some people came in, paid their $20 on the door and then went to the bathroom for an hour. Yes. Yeah. Could have happened. Yeah, okay. Let us know if you did that because that would be amazing if we've pulled that off.

Yeah, but this was really fun. So you're about to hear it. We also need to thank the Patreon subscribers. Well, let's do a quick little roundup quickly saying, you know, this is the end. We've done the Costa Mui Podcast Festival. So thanks to everyone involved in all of that. Thanks to all the audience. Thanks to all the audience.

Thanks to all the listeners that came along for that, that concluded last episode. It was a pretty amazing trip, I think. I think we should properly thank those guys for coming along and making such a great energy. And everyone had amazing feedback. So, yeah, I mean, let's take a little while, but then we'll start thinking about the next stupid idea.

Hair brand idea. Yeah, exactly. And we've got a couple, you know, and we've been hinting that last couple of weeks about like where we're going. You know, we want to come back to Canberra. We want to go back to Perth. We want to go to, we've got a big Sydney, a big surprise Sydney thing coming up. And sorry, we still, we thought we'd be able to confirm details by now, but it hasn't quite happened. Let's just say this much. We are having our dicks jacked by a third party.

Is that fair? Let's not say that. You don't feel a sweet little sensation down there? You're just really, you're getting close. It's feeling good. Sorry, I thought you meant dicks jacked in a bad way, but you're saying it in a good way. When is that ever in a bad way?

I don't know. I felt like you were saying it was like dicks are in a wrench or something like that, you know, like in a bad way. What's going on in your boudoir? Yeah, well, I don't like my dick being jacked, that's all. I guess that's why. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's weird that I haven't found that out in 350 of these.

Yeah, I'm allergic to masturbation. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, I'm just ready to nut. And you like it. I want these guys to just pull the trigger and get me there. So you like that? Yeah. Right.

I like it. We are the original odd couple, aren't we? That's why this show works so well. It's boring if we agree on everything. I'm the one who hates masturbation. That's the only way to tell us. And I love it. Every afternoon at four. Why are we on commercial radio? That's the only way to tell us. And I love it. Every afternoon at four.

Why aren't we on commercial radio? That's the only way to tell us apart. Have you ever hated getting your dick jacked? Call in. 13-69-69. Well, speaking of jacking dicks, let's do some Patreon reads. Yes, so we're going to read out some names. This is where people subscribe to us on Patreon.

It helps us keep the show going. We give you little rewards, little incentives, including having your name read out at the start of the program. And in honour of the 350th episode, we are going to read out 350 of these names today on the show. My favourite names I've found in 300 – no, not at all. Oh, greatest hits. A clip show.

Just the first five I've found. What if we do a clip show of the ad one episode? Oh, greatest hits. A clip show. Just the first five I found. What if we do a clip show of the ad one episode? Oh, wow. Where we just put in our – we go into a coma and we're just remembering all our favourite Patreon reads that we've done. I would still love to do just a live show of just Patreon reads. Yeah, I think we should do that. We've come close a couple of times.

Yeah. Yeah, actually, not live because I don't know. I feel like it's a weird thing to do live. But just hit this. Just this. Do this for an hour. Yeah, just a recorded hour of reading names. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it unless I was charging a room full of people for the

privilege. I would want more people to suffer as much as we are. Again, that's where we differ. Yeah. That's just another. And I would want my dick to be jacked while I'm doing it. That is why you are the Felix to my Oscar. That's for sure.

All right, let's crack in. Let's go. How many? Five? I usually do five. And of course the Patreon subscribers get more than just their name read out. They get... As if you need more than that, but we foolishly...

Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, there's a magazine that you can get $5 plus. There's a bonus episode at $10 plus of course the people who chipped in last month got a heap of

Koso Mui Podcast Festival bonus material plus there's more to come so look forward to that thanks for all the people that got on board quite a lot of people

got on board to that and jumped on the Patreon train so thanks a lot of bootlegging too really yeah like so the guy who is filming them for us to that and jumped on the Patreon train. A lot of bootlegging too. Really? Yeah. So the guy who was

filming them for us, who it's on his account, Jackson, it's on his Vimeo account, he said to me, oh, how many people are on that email list that you send the videos out to? And I said a number and he goes, okay, it has this many views currently. And it was like triple the number.

So a few people sharing it around a few little work email chains. Don't think we didn't notice. Fuck you, pieces of dirt. Maybe everyone just watched it three times. It's not how it works. Unless they went to a different location, like a different ISP to watch it.

Those fucks. I'm ending the podcast. I can't work under these conditions. I knew you'd hate that. People unscrupulously getting content that they're not yet entitled to is a real bugbear of yours. Oh, especially just fucking give us some money for it. Fucking hell. I just have to drive over at fucking late at night to do this Patreon read.

We didn't record this at the same time as the episode. I'm so rooted. I've got to go home and fucking do more work when i get home and then go to bed get up early to do more work oh i'm fucking i hate everyone just described most people's average lives that they use this show to get them through no but i'm doing multiple jobs i'm fucking rooted and i got up to do pt this morning really early as well personal training i'm fucking so tired oh the guy fucked me over this morning too page the the patron like fuck you are fucked the patreon trainer i was about to say my patreon trainer yep i just do push-ups while he reads out names yeah no rapid fire you have to quickly come up with the funniest dick jacking reference that you can.

All right, let's do this. So thank you to Patreon subscriber Will Marshall. Will Marshall. Okay, Marshall Mathers. Yeah. Eminem. Mom's spaghetti all over our Patreon bank account. Yeah, yeah. Fuck, I'm tired. What's your excuse? I'm tired too. I just did bank account. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

I'm tired. What's your excuse? I'm tired too. I just did a gig. Okay. All right. Will Marshall. Air Marshall, like kind of bringing the plane in full of money to go into our bank account.

More like this. Will Marshall give us some money? Yes. Marshall will. We got there. All right. Thanks, Will. We should do these half asleep more often. We got there Alright Thanks Will We should do these half asleep more often

We should do these hating the world every week Oh fuck Thank you Now look Here's someone that complained about not being on so far Someone who's claimed that they were One of the very very first Patreon subscribers And I have somehow ignored them

The entire time Wow So your time has come I can't wait to hear a name that you've already read out three times first Patreon subscribers and I have somehow ignored them the entire time. Wow. So your time has come. I can't wait to hear a name that you've already read out three times and forgotten to write it down. Well, they have said that that hasn't happened. Okay. So, and you know, maybe I knew about it all along and I was saving this name for the 350th

episode. Maybe you were. Yeah, maybe. Probably you weren't. I wasn't, but maybe. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Beck Hillis. Beck you were. Yeah, maybe. Probably you weren't. I wasn't, but maybe. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Beck Hillis. Beck Hillis. Now that's a name I recognise from the

socials. Yes. From way back I reckon. From one of the, maybe even the first listener of this podcast. Do you remember the first time we put out a podcast and that name came up as one listener in? Yes, I do remember that. Remember how that works? Because I said, check out this funny name. Jack and Jill name came up as your as one listener in yes i do remember that remember how that works because i said check out this funny name yeah jack and gillis went up a hillis

what i don't know this is the 350th episode tommy it's your fucking game i feel like we should have not done one of these for this landmark episode this is really kind of like taking the wind out of the sails of what a grand occasion this episode is. You know what? I'm fucking turning on now. I wasn't turned on and now I'm all cylinders go. This is it. Somehow I've got a

burst of adrenaline and this is about to become A plus content. If you enjoyed getting jacked off more, you could have this all the time. Oh, right. Okay. That's the problem. I get it. Well, I'm about to audibly jack myself off more. You could have this all the time. Oh, right. Okay. That's the problem. Yes. I get it. All right. Well, I'm about to audibly jack myself off. Thanks, Beck. Oh, are we done with that one?

Okay. Yeah. Thanks for being alongside us the whole time, Beck. Thanks for... You know what? As I always say, I appreciate people complaining and saying they haven't been read out yet because then the squeaky wheel gets the grease. That's what I say. Yep.

The whinging Patreon subscriber gets the name read out. Gets bullied. Yeah. Gets the name hung shit on. Thanks, Beck. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jeremy Ashmore. Ashmore. Ashmore.

Jezza. Jezza, J-A, Ashmore. How did you go living your life with the word more in your name? I don't know. It's not – it lends itself to things. What would you get in primary school? You'd get a lot of Ash-less. Yeah, you get a bit –

Fuck, you could nearly stretch it into being – Oh, I've got it. What? When it comes to Patreon, more like Jeremy Cashmore. Oh, very good. Not bad. That's what he got in high school. Now, that is what the 350th deserves.

Yeah. That level of quality. This is becoming like, this is sort of like the queen reading out, you know, sending telegrams now in a way. This is sort of like a comedy podcast. I wouldn't say that. Not quite, but it's getting there. It's labelled as one

We're getting closer And closer each week To achieving our goal Of doing a comedy podcast Of just competence Very good At what episode number Do you think this will

Officially become comedy Is that what We're getting incrementally Better and better at it Each week Is that what we're aiming at Are we Will we retire when it

Officially becomes comedy When this is officially comedy Yeah Yeah When it becomes actually entertaining We're done So let us know guys Will we retire when it officially becomes comedy? When this is officially comedy. Yeah. Yeah. When it becomes actually entertaining, we're done. So let us know, guys. We need a majority vote and then we'll quit.

So thank you. Thanks, Jez. Thanks, Jeremy. Thanks, big Jez. Thank you too. Lachlan McBriety. Lachlan McBriety. Why do you have to make a name so complicated? McBriety Why do you have to make a name so complicated? McBriety

It's a poor choice by him upon birth Yeah, even just the name Briety, there's too much going on Why would you, why bother? Why is there a need in the world to complicate a name that you're going to have to deal with every single fucking day? I mean, I don't think I've ever seen a name where I've gone like When there's a Mac on it where it's like, the Mac is improving this You know. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen a name where I've gone like when there's a Mac on it where it's like the Mac is improving this. You know what I mean? Most Macs you could just like cut that off.

Yeah. Like what if the restaurant was just called Donald's? How much better would that be? I watched that movie The Founder the other day. Instead of driving towards the Golden Arches, you could drive towards the Golden D, get a big old feed for the whole family. But no, please, tell me about that movie you watched.

The Golden D. With a big old... Why don't you wrap your lips around a big old D burger? The Big D. That's the big D Yeah Alright I watched The Founder the other day

The movie about Michael Keaton Flick About the creation of McDonald's And they were talking in that About how Just phonetically McDonald's just sounds good

Just sounds like somewhere you want to go Just sounds like a Like a wholesome sort of Nice place I imagine that movie is riddled with like – I love a bit of biopic stuff where it's like there's no way this conversation happened this clearly and this conveniently.

Totally. We'll call it McDonald's. What's the moment where they come up with that name? What does he do? No, no, no. There's people with the last name McDonald's. Oh, okay. So there's not even – No. Okay. No, there's no – There's people with the last name McDonald's. Oh, okay. So there's not even...

No. Okay. No, there's no... But he still has to decide to call it after them. No, because the first ever McDonald's was run by the two brothers McDonald. Okay. The guy that comes in, the story is the guy comes in and says, hey, I've got this great idea.

You should franchise. You should make more of this incredibly successful shop. But the point is they still decided to call that first shop after themselves. Yeah. Instead of just calling it like the cunt factory or something. Oh, that took me unawares. I had a sneaky suspicion that it'd get you.

What a different movie. What a different movie. What a different movie. To be honest, I put that up there with McDonald's as a nice phonetically sounding name. The gun factory? Yeah. It does. There's something about that name that makes me hungry.

Think of all they could have done to de-stigmatise that word if it was just one of the biggest franchises in the world just had that word in the title. I don't think it'd have the same kind of weight that it does. You know what got me about that name? It's just got the two curse to it. The cunt factory. That's what got me.

And also, it's a restaurant and you've decided to call it that. I'll tell you that this is the bit that you might enjoy in that movie where where like when you've got a biopic where you you're doing a lot of that great sort of looking backwards going oh i've got a great idea how about we call them fries yeah yeah yeah um there was one bit that they centered on that was was quite a sort of a little through line there for quite a

while which was they just they just made a they just got obsessed with the idea of the main guy, the Michael Keaton character, not using ice cream in the milkshakes anymore. Oh, really? It was this long fucking winded thing of them using powder instead of ice cream. And it was like, the way it was staged was like, that's how mcdonald's came to be as you know it today right because we've powdered the fucking milkshakes and we got rid of all the and it was like this it was fucking admin for half an hour is is there any discussion on why they decided to call it a filet of fish instead of just a fish burger no that's what i want to know there was you know what i honestly think I would prefer to just ask questions of you about this movie

than to ever see it myself. This is way more interesting. And not only that, it got to the end and there was a genuine pang of disappointment when the credits rolled where I was like, they didn't even fucking tackle Ronald McDonald. What? Nothing. See, this is what I think about a movie like that.

I kind of go, that story could be interesting as a movie, but anything that's big enough if they're making a biopic all the people who are actually part of the thing in real life have to sign off on it to get it made yeah so you're never going to get the warts and all story yeah you know what i mean you're never going to get the story where ronald's there because the main guy got fingered by a clown and yeah whatever it is you know the the first burgers were that everyone loved was because people jerked off into them. Yes.

There wasn't gherkin at all. It was more jerkin than gherkin. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You're not going to have that. That's what they should do in like Thailand and countries where they bootleg movies.

Now that they – like no one wants to buy DVDs. What they should do instead is take biopics and just make the unfiltered version where they put all the real shit in. That would be great if you could go to like, you know, if you could go to a third world country from a market and just buy the real McDonald's story. Yeah, right. Or like, you know, the real fucking…

What about this for an idea? Now, we haven't done this officially before. We've done like live commentaries of DVDs, of comedy DVDs of our friends. This is something I could get behind, us watching The Founder. Yeah. The movie The Founder. I was actually about to say that. Yeah.

We should do a live commentary on it. Yeah. Maybe we should get behind that and make that a bonus Patreon episode or something. That's not a bad idea. Yeah. Do we just do it here or do we do it as an event? I don't know.

Let's look into it. Okay. But I definitely think it's worth discussing. I'm completely fine with talking about McDonald's for 90 minutes or whatever it is. That would be really good. Yeah. Yeah. How long would you need?

Would you be able to watch it again now like, you know, pretty quickly? Yes. Okay. Because I'm talking over the top of it now. And we eat McDonald's while we're doing it. Oh, we could just do that. I think we just do this at my house and we put it out as a thing. Okay, let's do that then.

You know what I realised? We need to put it out and let people know to bootleg the movie so they can sync it up. Well, you know what I realised is a dumb thing that we don't do on Patreon that we should have done to make it easier for ourselves. We do if you put in this amount each month, we'll send you this. You can do it in a way where it's like once we hit this amount, then we'll start doing this stuff.

Right. Do you know what I mean? Vaguely. So what should we be doing? So instead of going if you give us $5 a month, we'll send you this. What you can do instead is, hey, if we hit two grand, then we'll make this thing for you. Right.

So maybe we make it as that. Maybe we hit a goal. We put a goal for Patreon. We hit a certain amount. Let's just put it out as an episode. Yeah, let's just not do it at all. Let's move on. Let's just put it out as an episode one month.

Thanks. Who is this guy, Ronald? No, what was his name? Lachlan McBridey. That's how we got that out of that. Oh, I get it now, yeah. Yeah, there was a Mac in there. Yeah.

Yeah, that's how we got that. of that. Oh, I get it now, yeah. There was a Mac in there. Yeah. Yeah, that's how we got that. Thanks for inspiring that, Lachlan. You know, in hindsight, I can't say how else we were going to describe your name, but get to... Hey, he's, you know, he's given us an idea for the next round of content that we do. Yeah. You know,

that's rare. Some of these fucking idiots who write in on Patreon, they got jack shit going on in their names. Will Marshall. We get no new ideas for content out of it. Yeah, Will Marshall. Yeah. Fuck, didn't even get one fucking 90-minute worth of content out of that.

Anyway, so there's four. Oh, this is number five. So this is number five. We usually do five, so we'll do the fifth one. Now? Okay. Yeah, now is good. Now is as good a time as any. Okay. I'm glad I didn'll do the fifth one. Now? Okay. Yeah, now is good. Now is as good a time as any.

Okay. I'm glad I didn't do the fifth one first now. You don't want to give me a review of the KFC movie or? Is there one? Kentucky Fried Movie. Great movie. I've never seen it. Oh, it's a great movie.

I've got to see it. I don't know if I've ever said this on the podcast, but great movie. And I have a very, very fond memory of watching it one time, like probably for the third or fourth or fifth time at that stage. And one of my friends that I was living with in Ballarat in a share house at the time was on a first date, first or second date with a girl. And he insanely thought, you know what?

I'm going to bring this girl over to our share house and I'm going to watch Kentucky Fried movie with her on a first or second date. With all of my friends? Well, it was only me. Okay. Even worse. Even worse. Even weirder.

It was only me. And then in his head he went, you know what? This is my sense of humor so this will be a good insight for her into me. So what better time than on the first or the second day, let's just watch Kentucky Fried Movie together. And then we started watching it, and then we started realising how much nudity is in that movie. Oh, really?

And in the first 20, 30 minutes, there is so much nudity and so many stupid, fucked up things happening, including a donkey's arse getting hit by a cream pie. And did they continue to see each other after that? They did, but it literally crippled me so bad. I was watching it with them and cringing and just laughing and crying so much at how much of a fucked insane idea it was where she's just watching it quite plainly just going, why am I here?

And my friend is slowly realizing why the fuck did I do this? Great. And I'm so embarrassed and hysterical. I was crying and I was lying on the floor at one stage and then I just get up and went, I can't do this anymore and walked out. See, I reckon that's the thing that's worse than the movie. You're laughing at that, but that's actually the thing that's making it bad. I know, but there was so much nudity there. Is this freak rolling around on the ground crying?

Who hasn't taken the hint to vacate the communal area and let them have a date? I'm pretty sure I was like, do you want me to leave? No, no, no, no, no, that's fine. Yeah, you still go because no one in that situation is going to go, yes, please, fuck off. Yeah, but I wanted to see the donkeys ask it by the pie. The first time you met, one of the first times you met my girlfriend was she was in Adelaide when we were there doing our show last year

and one of the first things you said to her was, so what do you think of comedy? I stand by that question. I don't think she ever answered. I'll have to get to the bottom of this. Oh, yeah. I'll follow up. A little bit rude.

That can be a cliffhanger. Next week on the show you can find out what she thinks of comedy. If you hit the five million mark of Patreon, we will find out what Tommy's girlfriend thinks of comedy. We'll find out what Tommy's girlfriend thinks of comedy. We'll do a reveal of what she thinks of comedy. I think she might hate it after this episode. All right. Yeah, it's been a long time coming.

Let's get to the number five. Yes. The fifth person, the fifth Patreon subscriber for this week, for this episode. So, we all ready? Yes. Let's go. For this week, for this episode.

So, we all ready? Yes. Let's go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Rebecca Jones. As in... Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Sorry, there's a hyphen there. I've missed the last bit of it. Rebecca Jones hyphen comedy.

So, there's someone who's married into the comedy family. So, yeah, or is she – has she taken the comedy – has she hyphened the name or she could be the child of a hyphened name? Ah, right. That's probably more likely. That might be it, yeah. So there's a – again, just to – I know you hate it when I do this, but this is just how my brain works,

to further speculate on potential other members of the comedy family. Yeah, I don't like that. There could be – I mean, there could be her parents, you know. Well, her parents could be, you know, Mr Comedy. That sometimes happens though, doesn't it, where parents will keep their names But then they give the kid a hyphened Thing of their two last names

Right That's a thing that people do right Yeah Could Mr. and Mrs. Comedy have broken up I don't know I mean I wish I had that information in front of me But I don't think I'm the one to speculate on that Maybe his uncle Comedy has remarried And that's what's happened no well it could be he's remarried it could be

uncle comedy's gay gay husband steve steve yes i could be great memory you've got great memory you've got i'm reading it off here but yes oh So he's brought in – Steve's brought in Rebecca from a previous marriage. I'm loathe to do this too much because it has become kind of an overused catchphrase on podcast, but if someone could draw up the comedy family tree as it currently stands, I think it would be interesting to see and also it would help us a lot. Moving forward, it would be a great help to us. The comedy family tree. All right.

So this is the bonus now of doing a late night intro. Yeah. Now I'm delirious. Now I'm not tired and fucked anymore intro yeah now i'm delirious now i'm not tired and fucked anymore now i'm just delirious so we got mr comedy mrs comedy master comedy little miss little miss comedy yep and then uh grandpa comedy grandpa comedy yep grandma comedy comedy so they're both still in the picture uncle comedy comedy. Uncle comedy. And Uncle comedy's gay husband. Uncle comedy's gay husband, Steve.

Yes. And now we've got Rebecca Jones comedy. Yeah. So I reckon, yeah, I reckon that's Mr. Comedy's daughter from another marriage. Right. Okay. Yeah, from an earlier marriage. Let's speculate.

Let's, let's. Or no, yeah, okay. Let's pencil that in at the moment. And, you know, look, they're obviously listeners, so they'll probably correct us. Yes, yes. It would be great for them to let us know. Or maybe, I don't want to push the envelope too hard,

but maybe there'll be another subscriber down the track that'll maybe be a piece of the puzzle that'll fit in and explain it. I wonder if there's a comedy dog. Oh, again, skipping ahead, I think. Hang on, let me just write down something unrelated. Just – let me just – Why are you typing I'm horny under your keyboard? Milk and bread on the way home tonight.

Just writing that down. Great. I don't know why I'm buying stale bread at this time of night, but I'm a wild guy. All right, great. All right. Well, thanks, great. I don't know why I'm buying stale bread at this time of night, but I'm a wild guy. All right, great. All right, well, thanks, Rebecca. Thanks, Rebecca Jones slash comedy or hyphen comedy, I should say. Thank you.

Thanks once again to all the Patreon subscribers that have stuck with us, that pay for this. I think it's a bit of a shame that, you know, more listeners aren't taking a cue from the comedy family and get mum and dad, grandpa and grandpa uncles, gay husbands of uncles get it

make it a family affair I think at most who do you reckon are the most from maybe like there's probably like a brother and sister who both contribute but that's it I imagine that would be rare though. Like if I, like if, if, if my girlfriend chipped into a Patreon or something, I'd go, well, I'm off the hook here.

She's doing this for both of us. Yeah. But, but you know, if, if, especially if you're a family, if there's a bunch of you as well, you know, I really appreciate the detail that we got last week with how Uncle Comedy, we got the Uncle Comedy gay husbands. Yes. Which, you know, is, is beyond what you need to do. But thanks for the extra colour.

And also, as if we couldn't have gotten all that just from the name Steve. Steve Comedy. Yes. That's the first place my head goes. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's go. All right, guys, thanks for chipping in on Patreon, supporting the show.

We still have merchandise available at the website. T-shirts from the Costa Mui Podcast Festival, which look great. We're about to do a new drop of merch soon. We're about to announce more shows around the country soon, as soon as we lock them in. Keep your eyes on our socials for all those details. But please, please get to the merch.

If you haven't been to the website, the littledumbdumbclub.com, if you haven't gone there before, go there. Have a look at the merch. It's available. We have very, very, very limited numbers of some of the previous shirts that we may be reprinting at some stage. But have a look at what's there. But definitely we've got a bunch of the Koh Samui stuff,

which is the elephant T-shirt and the singlet. Yeah. So get into that, especially the shirt, just so I can get rid of stuff out of my room. Yeah. And thanks, guys. Thanks for listening every week, for sending us your comments. The only reason that we were able to do 350 of these is because of people

like you who like the show and let us know that you like the show. So enjoy this episode. It's a great one with Dave O'Neill, Harley Breen, Jen Fricker, Josh Erland, Xavier Michaelides. Hey, mates! Welcome to the 350th episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and standing next to me is the other hub of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads. Yay! Welcome to our 350th episode celebration slash a celebration of us not getting arrested in Thailand.

We did it! We did it. I don't know if you heard but we've been away. We snuck out of the country, kept it very under the radar. Yeah. It may have shown up in the spotted section of the paper, but... I literally tried to hit up the Koh Samui Times and they wouldn't run the story.

Is that true? Yes. Did they write back and say absolutely not or did you just never hear from them? Just nothing. But I kept looking at their website. There's no news stories popping up. There's nothing better than us coming over.

I reckon they probably looked at the name and went, I think you've been in our paper enough by now, sir. By the way, we were delayed a little bit. We had a slightly late start today, mainly because none of our guests fucking showed up. But also, Tommy told me he was going to dress up, he was going to get in a suit, which everyone at home is now appreciating.

Hang on. By the way, you may have seen this young man working with David Strasman in the past. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And how did the court case go this morning? Mate,

they've never caught me. So, but with my suit, so we delayed slightly because he had his shit together and I didn't. I left home without the suit, forgot about it,

then got in and went, oh fuck. So I rang my girlfriend and said, can you please just grab a suit, grab a suit and bring it in

and she was stuck in traffic or whatever. She just got here before and gave me the suit. I went to try it on. This is... She gave me a 3XL shirt.

Is my girlfriend rooting Dilruch? Where has this come from? There's no one in my house that is this big. She saw him at a buffet and went, now that's commitment. That's the kind of guy. That's what I need in my life.

Will you marinate me? We're back, baby. I didn't like this kind of shit over in Samui. It's good to be back on home soil. It's lucky you're allowed to fat shame on podcasts these days. Anyway, you know him from Hey Hey It's Saturday.'re allowed to fat shame on podcasts these days. Anyway, you know him from Hey Hey It's Saturday. Please welcome Red Simon to everyone.

The gumption. The gumption to make fun of another race without also making fun of them for being autistic. I mean, where does that guy, where the fuck does he get off? Stupid fucking idiot. Thank you for inviting me on. Me likey very much. Imagine if you hadn't

heard that news story yet. I feel like there's a few in here that haven't. It doesn't seem to make any difference to the general vibe of the show. People are like, yeah, this is on brand. I don't get it, but it fits in with the rest of the stuff they do. I'm surprised they weren't racist earlier. What was all that suit bullshit getting

in the way of the good stuff? We're downstairs at this salubrious European beer cafe in the basement and we've got a big whiteboard out the front and we're starting the show basically when the footy has just finished. So there's a lot of... Someone's agreeing, thank you. Thank you, because I saw a lot of people with scarves and that could have been anything.

So people are just walking by. I went out the front to wait for my suit, for my 3XL shirt to come in. And I saw people walking into the pub and going to go downstairs and then looking at the sign and literally this lady goes, live podcast.

We are not going to that. Well, so this is the thing. So we organised this kind of last minute because we were so busy planning Koh Samui and everything that we kind of didn't factor in that like, oh, as soon as we get back, the next episode we have to do is episode 350 and so we wanted to do something for that.

And we were like, hey, this will be fun. Let's just announce it last minute. You know, see what happens. See how many people turn up. Cash tickets on the door. See what kind of guests we can get. So far in the last, like, three hours, we had three guests pull out. Yeah.

Our only three guests. Yeah. And then we had, and no offence to the guests who are here who we asked today. To be fair, the guests who pulled out, we only asked yesterday, so. And then we got people walking past out the front saying they don't want to come in in samui all of our guests that we had booked turned up yeah and people were walking past us at the resort actually deciding to come and watch it yeah we got

to go back man we get treated better over there exactly that's how that's our proper home ground um it's it's funny when when we did come back the other day when we did come to the airport and it's like uh visitors or people that live here, I was tempted to go into the visitors in Melbourne. But hey, let's do a bit of catch up for the Coast of Moody International Podcast Festival. Who here went, by the way? Yeah!

We could have just done this by the pool back there. Why don't we do another one? So it was great. Thank you for everyone that came. It was a lot of fun. We were talking for a while about we wanted to find out who was the most last minute fan to come along. Yeah. And so we were talking about that for a fair while.

And then mid-festival, we were doing the stand-up show over there. And a couple of people went, oh, by the way, we've got the winner. We've got the winner here. We've got your last minute fan. Like the absolute, like they only got here today, like day three of the festival. How last minute is that? Here they are.

Your biggest, you know, your most last minute fan. And then the guy turns to me and goes, happy to be here, Tommy. I mean, that's pretty last minute. Like he's booked the plane ticket before he's even learnt who the host is. That's dedication. It's last minute,'s booked the plane ticket before he's even learnt who the host is. That's dedication. It's last minute, not so much fans.

Yeah, true. Fucking hell. Because we didn't really talk about this on the episodes there, but we did have a few interesting people in the group. One guy was telling me that the main reason he came was because his job is he builds houses, and he was building this house, and around that time he started listening to our podcast

and listening to it would kind of like inspire him during the day and it made the days go really quick and he finished building this house like two weeks earlier than he thought he was going to and so he went, well I've saved all this money, I'll go to Thailand with the podcast. Oh, I thought you were going to tell the other

story. What's the other, that's the story that's the story that you told me to tell. No, no, no. The one that, like, nearly killed himself listening to the podcast. That's what... That's what I wanted. I don't know what that story is. That sounds like a lot of people, to be fair.

But, um... Wasn't there a guy that was listening to us up a pole, fixing, building something, and he was listening to... Yes? Is this this guy? No, it's not me, but the wall collapsed on him. The wall... What? Hang on, hang on, building something. And he was listening to... Yes? Is this this guy? No, it's not me, but the wall collapsed on him. The wall...

What? Hang on, hang on, hang on. So a guy was listening to our podcast. The wall collapsed on him. He was up the ladder. He was up the ladder. On a brick wall. On a brick wall.

The brick wall fell over. The brick wall fell over. He woke up. I'm doing this for people at home, by the way. Yeah. You sound... This sounds like Lassie is communicating with you what's that i'm just translating from english to english what's that boy it was great content

god's god's tim uh what's this this podcast sounds like it was recorded down a well. Sorry, go on. And he woke up. Hang on, the wall fell over and then he woke up. Wait, hang on, get on mic. Yeah. He was unconscious with like a broken leg and shit like that because the wall had collapsed on top of him as well. Quick question for any medics in here.

Does a broken leg make people go unconscious or... Go on. The ladder and the wall falling on him part did though. Right, right. Alright, Dr. Huxtable, whatever. Oh, it's a medicine off, is it? Fantastic. You can't just have that

mic from now on, by the way. You're sitting down with it. You can't have that now. It's nearly done. So he woke up with ambulance people around him and you guys in his ears talking shit. You're welcome. Is that like one of those stories that you hear where some kid's been in a coma

and then Michael Jordan talks to him and he's like, oh my God, I'm alive. Yeah. That's the first time I've heard that story, by the way. Is it? Yeah. Well, I thought he was you. Yeah.

Oh, by the way, for everyone at home and in the room, that guy was with us in Samui. That's how he's heard that story from us. He's not just like some freak who just knows all the details off the top of his head. I was the wall. It's not just like some freak who just knows all the details off the top of his head. I was the wall. We kept meeting to talk about this on the show at the time when we were over there.

We cannot work out the story behind this, but there was a guy who was going to come who at the last minute was messaging us going, guys, I got turned back at the airport. I couldn't get on the plane because my cat spilt water on my passport. And now I'm going, wow, that's insane. You don't believe it. Who believes that story? No, there's a lot of... No, no.

Yell out if you don't believe that story. Yell out if you do. Yes. Maybe he's from some country where they print their passport on dunny paper or something, because otherwise, like, those are thick. That's, alright, you don't have a mic. You fucking sound like you do, but

but yeah, so, but then he doubled down on it. He was like, oh yeah, my cat spilt water on my passport, which is the classic, you know, dog ate my homework bullshit. And then, then he sent us a message the next day going oh well i was supposed to be on that malaysia air flight that got turned back anyway it's like mate you had your excuse you don't need two of them yeah well is that was that person from melbourne yes i think so is he here is he here oh no probably

the fucking dog probably ate his shoe so cat spilled water on that fragile 20 note that he has no the dog spilled water on his mikey card i mean we need to get to the bottom of this because yeah a very generous listener over there bought one of the t-shirts that we had on sale and got everyone there to sign it for him it's like a bit of a uh as a bit of a you know sorry you couldn't make it i think and then he gave it and then the guy who bought it who got it signed i think was trying to give it to tom ballard to give off to this guy somehow was like well i've done this good work you take care of this now it's like i don't know who the fuck this guy is he might he might end up in the audience of q and a

just give it to him there every time you do anything from now on in the audience of Q&A. Just give it to him then. Every time you do anything from now on, ask the audience, is the cat guy here or what? Yeah. So, I mean, if this is a lie, if he's made it up just to get a free signed T-shirt, then, I mean, it's a hell of a scam. Yeah. It's a weird way of going about it. Where usually we can't give our autograph away.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've got to find out. If you're listening at home, Mr. Fucking Cat Piss Man or whatever our autograph away. Yeah. Well, we've got to find out. If you're listening at home, Mr. Fucking Cat Piss Man or whatever your name is. Yes. By the way, I also love how vague it is. My cat spilt water on it.

I'm going to need a few more details out of this guy. But aren't passports made to withstand water? It's not like for a hundred years people have gone, well, I hope no one brings this in the pool. And aren't cats trained to not spill water on passports? I don't know about that one.

But yeah, so that doesn't sound right to me. It sounds like there's some arguments happening. Oh no, my cat has spilled water on my passport and it was fucked, so he's right. It's not a cat, but ours did get wet before we came and we had to get replacements. What? Hang on, what? Ours got delivered by a

shonky postman. I'm going to have to do this again. So your passport got delivered by a shonky postman. And he got them drenched on one day of piss down rain. He got them drenched in the rain. All my stuff going on mate. This right this this went weird like a minute ago like this this was just kind of a fun comedy show and then something clicked all of a sudden and it went

really well as soon as we said our guests didn't turn up they're all like no we'll fuck me the guess we'll see about that. Shut up! I've got funny stuff written down. I need to get out. This isn't one of his... Oh my god. This isn't one of his stand-up shows, okay? Yeah, because there's people here. Hooray, I'm unpopular.

I reckon we shut it down after this. $350 is a good number to go out on. Fucking hell, fucking hell. How's this? Reminds me of that last story. How is this? Reminds me. So when we finished the podcast festival,

you went off to Vietnam, I went off to... A different part of Koh Samui. Yes. And I was walking down the street late one night and And your eyes beheld a fearsome sight? No. There's a lot of people that are always asking you to go to tailors or taxis

or whatever it is, people yelling at. I walked past this guy who it was only about like 9.30 at night. He was just turned around like on a shop taking a piss. And so I just walked past him. He's just like, you know, just very obviously taking a piss. And so I just walked past him. He's just sitting, like, you know, just very obviously taking a piss. And I, of course, I'm walking past going, I'm going to look at this.

Like, this is... But you don't see that every day. So I'm just looking at it, looking at the guy. And then he does this. He, like, he's just having a piss. And then he notices me walking past and he goes, taxi? As he's taking it. He had his dick in his hand. Yes.

And he was asking me if I wanted to go on the back of his bike. And did you? No. Well, I went to, after we went to, straight after Samui, I went to Singapore for a few days with my girlfriend and we went to Universal Studios. Say the line again. with my girlfriend and we went to Universal Studios.

Say the line again. You're supposed to say we've all got shit going on. You fucked it. Choked under pressure. We went to Universal Studios and we went on a ride and it's one of those roller coasters where you get like at the end, they take a photo of you midway through at one of the drop bits and then there's like it displayed when you walk out. Big photo of you on the ride.

So we come off the ride and we're all gathered around looking at the photo. And we were up the front and the photo has just fully upskirted my girlfriend. Like, I saw everything. It was fucking real cool. Like, fuck, it was cool. Was that your first time? Yeah. She has a huge cock.

I had no idea. Like, nice. Wow, travel really does broaden the mind. So we're standing there. There's like a group of all of us that have been on the ride and no one's saying anything. And my girlfriend just very loudly goes, oh, yeah, the camera's upskirted me.

And the guy who's running the photo booth just turns to the crowd and goes, nice. Surely we should get that photo for free. Like the fact that they still tried to gouge us for 30 bucks. That's unfair. That should be the rule. There's someone fucking gouging themselves. That's for sure. The old Singapore sling.

Are we introducing this into the D-dum lexicon? You've got a girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, cool, she's canon now. Great. She was fanfic for a few months and now she's... Disney brought out our relationship and now she's part of it.

All right. No, it's just good to know what we can refer to and what we cannot refer to. Sure. All right. So now to work on Dazzle Girlfriend jokes. Good. I'll have a think and let's all say our favourites at the end of the show. We did stay at the beautiful Ozo Chaweng Samui Resort.

It was awesome. For the people that are here that stayed there, it was awesome, yeah? Yeah, totally, totally. Shout out to the couple of guests that were there that we got word were trying to charge stuff to our rooms without our permission. Thanks to the couple of you that tried to do that. What did actually happen? I had three different people come up and go,

people are trying to charge stuff to your, like their room, to your room. I don't even know how the fuck that works. So we super enjoyed our time there. It was excellent. In fact, we hope everyone enjoyed it. In fact the manager of the Ozo Chiu Wing Samui Resort has rung in just to say I presume thanks for

us staying. So let's cross to him now. This should be very boring and respectful guys. So sorry for making you sort of sit through this catch up. I'm not sure I've got the name of this guy anyway but hello. Hello boys. How are we? Does it sound like I'm on a phone right now? It sounds

more like you're holding a cup about 10 centimetres away from your face, but... Okay. Because I'm wondering if I should keep doing this or just put a cup down because it's hard to hold three things at once. And it's a commitment early on that might not be worth it.

Hypothetically, were I in your position, I'd say probably put the cup down. Yeah, I mean, the cup's really paying off, but I reckon you can go without it. Look, if the cup gets a laugh, keep it in, you know. I mean, if you maybe had a phone in that hand as well that had important information on it that you needed to make the bit run,

I would say keep the phone and lose the cup. But hey, I'm just talking purely hypothetically. This is how phones work in Thailand. It's a cup and a microphone. Hey boys, good to hear from you. I really miss both of you. Especially you, Carl. I haven't heard from you since this

morning. Because you're always calling Thailand. What's your name, by the way, sir? Louis. Louis Hotel Owner. in Thailand. What's your name by the way, sir? Louis. Louis hotel owner. Can I just say, this is a crystal clear line we've got. This is

amazing. I know, it's amazing. So, oh no, we've been riffing for so long the phone turned itself off. Hey Carl, thanks for the spotless upkeep of your hotel room. Absolutely perfect. It's almost as if you didn't sleep in it at all.

Almost as if you have other homes over there. Other family homes. Yeah, you've got secret families. And you stayed with them instead of my one hotel room. That's the joke. All right. instead of my one of hotel room. That's the joke.

All right. I'll continue saying hello to all the Mrs. Chandlers I see back here. All your wives. You've got multiple wives. There's one thing I say about you, Carl. You love a wedding. What? Anyway.

Riffing. Just want to say, Dilruk, some of the guests damaged their room. Dilruk did even worse. Dilruk ate his room! Because he eats so much! Somehow he ate the whole room! I love that Thai humour.

Well, no, raw humour. We haven't charged damages because after he was swimming in the pool, suddenly a lot of Japanese fishermen started booking with us. Because he's a whale! Get it? That's how to spell out a joke. Yeah, you gotta spell

them out sometimes. This guy's almost as good at spelling out jokes as he is at managing hotels. It's a real skill. Louis Hotel Owner. Louis Hotel Owner, that's my name. Louis, if you could just step out of the spotlight. Sorry! So there can be a shot.

The cameraman's filming me right then. I didn't want any evidence of this happening. I thought I'd rather the audience see me than this be on camera forever. I don't care what these people think, but I care what potential people think. Hey! Nothing against you guys.

All stay at my hotel. My name's Louis. Now, come on. There might be some people up the back who are still in the bit, okay? Let's do this for them. Just for them. Tom Ballard.

He came as well, didn't he? Yes. He was the opposite of Kyle Chandler's situation. One of our maids went to his room to his room service and found 72 Syrian refugees here's a bit of Q&A for you Tom Ballard

can you stop stuffing boat people under the bed I'm just joking you didn't do that everyone had a good time and I love everyone and I really appreciate you coming and I think you guys are good boys and I hope you've all the best.

Good luck and thank you. I love you both. And here's to another 350 episodes. Oh, thank you, Louis. Yeah, you know. No, stop clapping. This is, I really want to say, you know, you guys,

a lot of people say you guys are cunts. A lot of people. Truly, and I live in Thailand, but I know in the Melbourne comedy industry, you are known as real cunts. You only met us for four days. It seems like a wild thing to jump to, but okay. Every guest came up and told me in person this.

They took me aside and said, look, we're not doing this because we like these guys. They're real cunts. You know, we're only doing it because it's a free trip to Thailand. We hate these boys. And again, thank you to the Ozo Chaweng Samui Resort. Thank you so much. And stay there and you'll get beautiful hospitality like he's giving us right now.

But I just want to say you... Oh, you're still going? Cool. Yes. I thought that might have been an out, but let's hear more. No, we're going to keep going. Because I know what it's like waiting to go on this podcast. How annoying it is when you think,

fuck, I just want to be the guest and wait for this dumb shit beginning to finish. I would make this go for literally an hour now. This is an hour of this sucked in. Fuck, this call is going to cost us a fortune. Oh, I better go. Dil just drowned. Oh, he went back.

Oh, okay. Thank you, Louis. Louis, hotel owner. Dil drowned a great bit. Hotel owner by name, hotel owner by nature. Fantastic stuff. What are the odds? Okay, let's get our first guest out here.

Folks, I do not know if this person knows that they are on right now, but let's find out. Folks, please welcome back into the little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave O'Neill. Yes. Hooray. Hey, poofs. How are you? Catchphrase of a generation.

Didn't you hear what happened to Red Simon? She can't say that stuff. I know. Hey, Asian poofs. How are you? Catchphrase of a generation. Didn't you hear what happened to Red Simon? You can't say that stuff. I know. Hey, Asian poofs too. So I'm inclusive. Sorry I'm late. My cat spilled water on my passport. You don't need a passport to go to another suburb, Dave.

What? You don't? I'm very much zone three these days. You know that. You know that. Yeah, this is a rare gig for you to be in the city. It is. It's very rare. Right. It's rare. I often go that way. I'm very much zone three these days. You know that. You know that. Yeah, this is a rare gig for you to be in the city. It is. It's very rare.

You're right. It's rare. I often go that way. I'm like Toadie. I go that way. I don't know why I said that from Toadie, but I remember working at Channel 10 in Nutterwadding, which is in the outer suburbs of Melbourne.

Yeah. What's the nightclub out there? Oh, fuck. Good question. There's a Burba. Lasseter's. Lasseter's. Yeah, Lasseter's.

Well done. I don't know. But you used to see Toadie at the Keg drinking and stuff like that. At the Keg? Is that a bar? The Keg was a bar, yeah. Well, that's your bar. That's a bar. He was there. And then you'd see him get into his V8 and just do a burnout and go further out. Not only was he too close to the inner city, he lived way out somewhere, Toadie.

Great story. Let's get Louis Hotel Owner back on. He was very funny. Anyway, congratulations, 350 episodes. Thank you.

Well done, yeah. Thank you. For 350, how many of them do you estimate have been good? Oh, 349. I don't know.

I did Google 350 episodes and one of the few shows that's done 350, The Simpsons oh very very alike and on their 350th episode

they had Ray Romano and Stephen Hawking so I'll be Ray and you've got the Stephen's coming

but he's having problems with the stairs so hey Red Simons yay I do work at the ABC occasionally I would say you had the mind of Ray Romano Hey, Red Simons, yay! I do work at the ABC occasionally.

I would say you had the mind of Ray Romano in the body of Stephen Hawking. It's crumbling, it's crumbling. But you look like Freemasons, actually, for people at home. The bow tie and that, it's very Freemason-ish. Is the bow tie very Freemason-ish? Yes. I did a gig at the Freemasons the other night.

It was very disturbing. Of course you did. Of course I did. I do everywhere. And my dad found out, because he's very Freemason-ish? Yes. I did a gig at the Freemasons the other night. It was very disturbing. Of course you did. Of course I did. I do everywhere. And my dad found out because he's a Freemason and he said they're not a proper lodge. I don't know what that means. So he turned up for a face-off with the...

He wore all these medals. It's sort of like because he was in a war once. He's got actually more. I think he's buying them on eBay. I don't remember you fighting for the Third Reich, Kev. What's that like? What is the deal with the Freemasons these days? Because people don't talk about it anymore.

It's like they talk about the Illuminati and stuff like that. The Freemasons are just a bit sad now. Yeah, the old guys. This guy goes, we're a younger lodge, but they're all like 60, 70 plus kind of thing. And I had to do stand up for them. Anyway. What sort of gear were you doing? I, I just did my noise. Bit of secret handshake gear? Yeah, I was trying to hang

shit on them and then Kev's like, he's the Grand Wizard, don't talk to him. The Grand Wizard, isn't that the KKK? No, that's Grand Dragon. Oh, okay. Yeah, the Grand... Someone's very quick on that noise. Oh, gee. Fucking... Greg Simon's over here.

Yeah, no, it call it a different term. I don't know. It's a different... Grand Pooh Bar. Yeah, something like that. But he was there. That's the Flintstones. Yeah, he was there.

So you're performing for the main Freemason dude? Yeah, he was there. He seemed like a normal... He looked like Daryl Sumlin. You were eating? In fact... Sorry, I'll take my chewy out. Sorry. Sorry. This is the

350th episode, mate. Don't take the chewy out and stick it on one of our seats. That's worse. I was going to put it on the wall but no one was looking. I put it in my pocket. I've got plenty. I've got... Chewy in your pocket? Well, that's right. That's the thing that... But you can't even get it out There's a lot of paper and stuff in there

So I've got a lot of notes and things like that In fact, I've got a note from when I was on stage last night In Geelong that was handed to me And I'll read it Because Fiona Lachlan was meant to turn up And the note says Fiona is not coming Don't tell anyone

Do as long as you can That's it Fiona is not coming. Don't tell anyone. Do as long as you can. That's it. That sounds like a ransom note. Is it all the letters cut out from different magazines? Do as long as you can. Should we explain this? Because Fiona was another one of the guests that pulled out today.

Man, we had... Hey, it's not our fault. So this might explain it, right? So apparently last night... Now tell us if this is wrong. We were doing a gig in Geelong for a school, me and Tom Seagate and Fiona O'Loughlin. Right. And I get there. I'd already done a gig at a golf club.

I'm fucking happy. Don't worry about that. Are you doing another podcast after this? And the guy said, the guy organising said, you've got to go on next because Fiona's not here. I'm picking her up from the railway station. And so he goes to Geelong railway station and he's driving around and she's on on next because Fiona's not here. I'm picking her up from the railway station. And so he goes to Geelong Railway Station and he's driving around and she's on the phone going, I'm here, I'm here.

I'm near the big building. He goes, I'm near the big building. And then she got into a taxi and said, take me to St Mary's. And the guy said, there is no St Mary's footy club here. And she said, where is this? And he goes, you're in Bendigo. So she got the train to Bendigo when she meant to get the train to Geelong. That would have been late at night.

Would she have got back last night? Yeah, she was on a train back. Yeah, she's got a train back. And that's what I thought too. So that's what I was kind of thinking. She's not here tonight. She's probably fucking got on a plane to LA to do what the fuck with Mark Maron.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I did a gig with her this time last week and she was great. In Lawn. I mean, it's two hours from Melbourne. Well, there's no train there, is there? There's no train. There's a bus.

But I picked her up. So it's important to give her a lift, I think, and not put her on public transport. So how long did you end up doing when you had to just kill time and not tell people that Fiona O'Loughlin was meant to be there? No, I just did 45. It was fine. That's easy for me, boys.

That's not a problem at all. I know there's been a lot of aspersions on this podcast about how much money I earn. Yes, that's why we're going on. Aspersions? Isn't that what Ronnie Chang has? No, it's what he is. Again, Red Simons over here.

And I have to... So I do a lot of gigs, yeah. And also, they're all parents at this gig, so it's easy for me, that kind of thing. Right, right. But not all gigs are easy. It's easy for you going on your fucking sex tour to Thailand where...

And you're saying, how much money does O'Neill earn? I do a lot of gigs but they're not I did a cement factory the other day where they made cement and sand and they had a

they made sand they made I know this is the thing you're in a sand factory I was in a sand factory where they made the guy said

it has to be mate we get it you do gigs you don't have to make up gigs you didn't gig at a sand factory. I did a gig at a sand factory where they sold sand in plastic bags. And it goes through a process.

This is a fucking drug deal. It was a proper sand factory. They were called BS Sand. This just sounds like you went and saw the Baywatch movie and got confused. Boy, I'm killing up here. What are they making sand out of? Sand. It's they making sand out of? Sand. It's a

recycling sand plant. No. I assume they get the sand from somewhere. They purify it. Right. And then they have this... What happened? They have that little stage in the loading bay and they had all these tradies that buy the sand off them. And so they've got to suck up to them. So they get a comedian and a couple of

barbecues. This is a front for something. No, no, no. It's proper business. And then the guy... Did you get paid in cash? Yeah, whatever. How does this gig sound more sus

than our Koh Samui tour? And then the guy goes, look, we're going to take the tradies on a tour of the bagging plant where they bag the sand up and then you're on. And he goes, so...

That's the sweet bit of the tour, by the way. He goes, so you've just got to be more entertaining than the bagging plant. I went, yeah, no problem. But halfway during the tour, I just went, fuck, I'm not as good as this. The bagging plant was really impressive. So they had, like, robots that put sand in bags

and flipped them over and put them on trucks and that kind of thing. And then a big New Zealand guy started heckling the tour. Like, oh, call yourself a robot, eh, mate? It's like... And the guy taking the tour actually said, hey, mate, save it for the comedian. I'm like, no, don't save it.

So it didn't end well, the gig. I got off my stage at the cement factory and sand factory and all this... Was the stage made of sand? Was everything just sand? No, they had others. They had like soil too. Bloody fucking hell.

Sand seemed to be a focus. I don't know why sand was such a big part of their business. I don't know why you keep talking about it. Yeah, exactly. You're right. I'm just trying to illustrate that I do a lot of gigs. We've all got shit going on, all right? How much did that pay?

Whatever. That's not important. Why would we talk about money? All the sand you could eat. Why would we talk about money on this podcast? Because you've got heaps of it and we don't. I've been into comedy for 26 years. It's been a long time.

Dave Hughes used to be my support act. Anyway, whatever. Speaking of earnings, I was in a cafe the other day that I go to a lot and the guy's going, you know Hughes. I'm like, yeah, I know Hughes. He goes, so how much would he earn a year? Like 150, 175? Oh, he's ripping our gear. And I'm like, yeah, I know. He goes, so how much would he earn a year, like 150, 175? Oh, he's ripping

our gear. And I'm like, no, I think he earns a bit more than that. He goes, no, bullshit. No, no way. He'd be 200 max.

I went, fuck, let's ring him, mate. So we rang Hughsy and Hughsy's like this, I don't feel comfortable giving my salary to a stranger over the

phone. But anyway, he believed him that he earned more than, you know. I'll give you my salary to a stranger over the phone. But anyway, he believed him that he earned more than, you know. So there wasn't any ballpark figure? No, but you can Google that kind of thing and it'll come up. Like, what these guys on radio can pay. What do you reckon, though? What do you reckon, five? Oh, 500 probably for radio, yeah.

And then what else? I remember one day when we were doing Nova, I don't know if anyone knows this, I was the first person on Nova in Melbourne. I tell my teenager that doesn't believe me, he goes, Dad, everyone at school doesn't remember you from Nova. I'm like, yeah, because they're fucking 13. That's right.

They weren't alive. Anyway, and he usually had this thing with Nathan Buckley and the Collingwood, whatever he does, he does something. No, it's Collingwood, Nathan Buckley. Collingwood coach. Collingwood coach. And he used to be our correspondent. And Hughie goes, I reckon I earn more than you, Nathan.

And Nathan Buckley just goes, sponsorship alone, million dollars. And Hughie's like, yeah, nah, maybe not. That's more like Dave O'Neill money, I reckon. I'm not on that money. I'm mid-range. I'm like in the middle. What are we then? Yeah, well, you're all right.

You're like... We can see the ladder from where we are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm middle, middle class. You're lower middle class. For the listeners at home, Dave O'Neill did the hand gesture that went way down. Yeah, that went... Hey, I met one of your fans the other day,

and she wasn't obese, which was... LAUGHTER All right, Mia Friedman, take it easy. Yeah, Mia Friedman. All right, Mia Free Feed. I'm like, I'm loving the references. No, because I do meet a lot of your... Actually, this was the first female fan I'd ever met.

Yes. I normally meet bigger guys at Weight Watchers, and they... Because I'm fat, I can do fat jokes, and, hey, mate, you know what I love listening to? I'm like, I think it's going to be the Dum Dum Club anyway. This... Sure enough,

there's that big hand with the big sausages come to shake my hand it's a dumb dumb listener so but I did I did some gig for the

building apprentice of the year awards and there was a woman presenting awards and she said she's a massive fan of you guys and she

yeah very normal looking so I was I can't just come up here and you've listed all the gigs you've done in the last six we're not your accountant this is a podcast let's get out here folks please welcome back into the little dumb club Harley brain Hey!

Hey, how are you? Yeah, fuckers! I did not know you were here. Yeah, good. I literally just walked in. Oh, right. And I went, I'll get a beer and then I might go outside and then I got introduced. Yeah, there you go.

So take a punt. What do you think's been happening in your absence? Couldn't give a fuck. You guys went on a sex pest trip. That's been said several times. You were talking about last minute that you were maybe going to come over just for a weekend. Yes, I was. And then you said that you couldn't because you said something important was happening here.

And then while we were gone, you got engaged. That's true. But not exactly what... Thank you. She had already given birth to our child, so I felt like I backed myself in on that one, to be honest with you. I proposed to her while she was wearing the baby.

I'm like, pretty sure I'm going to get a yes out of this. One of the options. I am a massive fuck-up. So she could have gone, you know, I'll have a baby with you, but there's no way I'm committing to it. So how long do you give it until the second car's gone? Oh, dear. I had to.

Yeah. I had to. Well, you didn't. If you were a friend, you wouldn't have. As we know, you're a little cunt. So there you go, take it off. Oh, it's like my 21st again. Well, your parents are here.

I saw them up the back. That's true. Yeah, I know. I'm I saw them up the back. It's true. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry that I called your child a cunt. Did they pay? And I'm also sorry that your child's a cunt. But he's a nice one. He's a lovely boy.

This is the first time I think you've been on since you've become a big time radio guy. Yes, I am big time. You're now earning O'Neill levels of money. O'Neill's about here. I'm big time. You're now earning O'Neill levels of money. O'Neill's about here. I'm about here. I got a small amount of money on Nova now that I think about it. Anyway, go on. So how's it going?

I'm not bitter or anything. But you are on the radio. You're earning good money. I live in Sydney. Yeah. You're doing breakfast radio in Sydney. Yes. Better money than Melbourne.

Right. Yeah, yeah. Sydney's the peak. How much do you reckon he's on? Harley. Well, first year, though, you've sort of got to take a bit of a pay. M would be on massive amount. And then Harley would be probably on less. But anyway, that's

not... That's correct. Give us a number. I would say $300. $250, $300. $250, $300. Price of, $300. Price is right. Higher, lower? Sure. Jill, let's go with that. Okay.

Oh, maybe... Woo, mate. I think you might be on a bit more. Bring out your wallet. How much you got in there? You've got new pants on. Oh, he must be on $400. It's a great day for a comedian.

He's got new pants. He's doing well. Do they have the price tag on them? Get a look. My pants are shit. There's my wallet. It's a great day for a comedian. He's got new pants. He's doing well. Do they have the price tag on them? Get a look. My pants are shit. There's my wallet. There's what? Fuck, no money in there.

No money, no. It's old school. I need plastic. For cutting up all the drives. He's got a driver's license. There's a clue. You want cash, you get an O'Neill, mate. He's got the...

Oh, there we go. You are such an 80s dad. You just pulled out a wallet. That is my wallet. That is full of sand factory cash. No wonder you work with a limp. You put your back out. I know, you're right.

And what have I got in here? And also, I love the priority on your cards. Medicare is number one. He's probably trying to use that in the drive-thru. Fucking so many. Look at all his dependents on his Medicare card. Your life is fucked. And I lost my car, so...

There's a few I don't know about. I don't know. Are you right? My wallet is very big. Talk into the microphone. My wallet's very big. I'm just shocked by this now. Money, yes.

Anyway, we'll go through that one day. We'll sort that out. But we won't do it now because we're on radio. Great. How are you enjoying the early mornings? I don't like them. I set my alarm at 4.20. Remember, 3.50, 4.00 a year, guys.

So, you know. You didn't get the 4.20 reference, you old man. Alright, Dad. Oh, Dad. Put your wallet back in your pocket. But yeah, Dad. Oh, Dad. Put your wallet back in your pocket. But yeah, 4.20 and then I regret everything for about 20 minutes and then I have a shower and then everything's fine.

Yeah, that's true. It's just very fucking early. It is early. It's very early. And it's commercial radio. You should make sure you've got your net bank client open on your laptop and every morning when the alarm goes off you just whack that open, have a gurns and then that'll make it easier. did miss you in samui we were sort of hoping that you would

turn up unannounced but uh i very much wanted to be there it looked like i've never had more fomo in my life yeah i dave that's fear of missing out yeah i know that i know you've got to understand i've got teenagers now so uh don't let me i just annoy them oh yeah what was the last what was the last teenager thing you learnt about? Oh, we talked about Katy Perry and Katy Perry. What did you talk about her for? Well, I've got an 11-year-old daughter

so she loves Katy Perry and Katy Perry's coming out with my radio station. We're doing an exclusive rooftop. Really? And I'm not going to be there because don't give a fuck. Can I go as you? That's great. That sounded like a sting that they'd play on your station.

I mean, I'm very happy for Katy Perry and whatever the fuck it is she does, but I'm not going to be there. What do you care about then? Who would you like to meet? What famous musician or person would you? Chickens. Chickens. If you've got a fucking listener.

I care about chickens are your chickens still alive? marijuana and I can't talk about that on commercial radio but fuck me do I allude to it a lot I care about

I'm very left and very green and that doesn't go well they're not interested in that you've got to get on the ABC. Yes. Well, you know, I love ABC. Very misleading.

Red Simons. There might be a spot coming up. I take it. I love it. You know my goal. Yeah, no, you were an early ABC listener. I want a Richard Stubbs job. I want the afternoon slot.

Just glide in there in my mid-40s. That's not interactive. It is the best slot. Afternoons is the afternoon slot. Just glide in there in my mid-40s. That's not interactive. It is the best slot. Afternoons is the best slot. Absolutely. We're going to have this conversation off air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll say that about nearly everything on this podcast, but sure.

Yeah, let's get another guest on. I'll just finish what I was saying about Samui. We were missing you. I just wanted to use that excuse to say this. When everyone took off, I stayed on Koh Samui for a couple more days. That's unlike you. Yeah. This guy gets it.

We're doing running clubs. I had to run by myself in the end, which is fine. Which is fine. And I was running one day, and there's still a few dodgy sort of massage parlours on that island. No. What? But I was...

A few? I was running past one and there was a bunch of masseuses out the front and as I run past, one of them just tried to stop me and goes, come in here, I'll give you real exercise. And a bit of respect for not doing the voice, so... Yeah, yeah. How is getting your dick jacked at the end of a massage real exercise? That's like super passive.

But I love that idea that... Prove it, prove it, prove it. I love that idea that someone's going to say, you're halfway through a jog and they've gone, real exercise. I'm like, you know what, fuck it, all right. Yeah, it's appealing to the real alpha personality. Like, yeah, that's where you gotta go to really get fucking shredded. But just...

Well, I guess you're gonna sweat the same amount. Yeah, sure. Alright. Cool. So, you went in and... How are you getting wanked off? If you're sweating the same amount, getting wanked off as a run. Don't... Just thrashing around.

Stop it! Stop it! I didn't say where I was sweating out of. Remember, he's never been into one of those places. That just means more questions. So your dick sweats as it's getting jacked off? You've got a self-lubricating penis. Well done. Save it for today, Finn.

Come on. I think that's a very appropriate time to get our third guest. I don't feel good about bringing a guest on in this climate. Folks, please welcome back into the Little Dino Club, Jen Fricker. Yeah. Yes. Hi. Hi, Jen Fricker.

Hey, guys. It feels impolite to ask a woman how much she earns. How much do you weigh? Oh, Mia Friedman's turned up again. The same as I earn $70 a week. Yeah, your triple J money. Yeah, I'm the ABC. Like, as if, like, they're like, it's a privilege for you to work here.

And I'm like, okay, is it? Because I'm in a cage all the time alone. And if I stop running, then Adam Hills won't get his program on the ABC2. The whole generator goes down. So since the last time you were on the show, this year you've been doing lunch, the lunch shift, which is during the day. The best. It's very chill.

It's great. I hear you show a bit when I'm driving around. There was a point recently where you were wanting the person to call in who was listening from the highest altitude. Yeah. And you were saying, we want to hear from the highest listener. And then you had to correct yourself and go, I mean altitude wise. And you had to stress that several times.

And I was thinking. Because Harley kept calling. And I was like, dude, it's a conflict. Hey, Jen, I'm just calling from Today FM. We're whacking. We're baked, man. It's 4.20 but it's also 4.20. Actually, tune in on Monday.

I don't know why I even said that. I don't want to kill myself. What's happening? Tune in on Monday because I talk smack about Jen Frigger on air it's live I'll be listening it's a pre-recorded

interview we make it seem like it's live it's fucking not I do it on Thursday why don't you just tell us now so I interviewed

Peking Duck fuck that was easy we got an exclusive gave it up I interviewed Peking Duck

and I'd heard them interviewed by Jen a couple of weeks earlier and so I just said, am I your favourite radio announcer? And they were like, yeah, totally. And I went, take that, Jen Fricker. A couple of DJs don't like me. No. My life's over. Sorry, Dad.

What's Peaking Duck? No, they like you. I don't. They're a triple J band? They're a rhythm and blues act. Oh, okay. Right, yeah. What's Peking Duck? No, they like you. I don't. They're a Triple J band? They're a rhythm and blues act. Oh, okay. Right, yeah. From America or England?

Jen, do a quick impression of a Peking Duck song for Dad. Okay, so there's a bit where it's like, and then it's like, and then you do drugs. I guess like the Beatles in your day. Love the Beatles. So you know, Dave, they're called Peaking Duck because when you're peaking, you do a duck face.

Oh, really? I didn't know that. See, last time I listened to Triple J, Michael Tunn was doing nights. You know? What are you doing? Are you doing your homework? Yeah, I'm doing your homework. Hang on, hang on. Was Husey on Triple J?

I've only got one invitation anyway. Tunny was great. Request fest. Anyway, good work. I love the story of Tunny getting on Triple J. Was he a listener? Yeah, he was a listener. So he kept calling up Triple J and being like, you guys are fucked. Which is most of the audience in Triple J.

That's our main interaction with them. Anyway, so he kept calling up being like, you guys are fucked. You guys suck. And then the guy hosting was like, well, can you do any better? And then he fucking smashed it. And they gave him a job. Yeah. Oh, wow.

That's just us crazy kids over on the ABC. We do anything Hey Carl I'm gonna get us on Triple J Fuck you Fricka You fucking idiot Yeah nah Fair enough

Please take it Yes we did it Let's ring Harley On Monday morning You guys are fucked And Harley will go Yeah I am Yeah I'm fucked

Jen the last time We had you on You were telling One of my favourite stories That's come up on this show About a guy that you did a gig for who you then had to harass to get the money back from him. I called his mum Oh wow

You were telling me off stage you've since had two more Gronk related incidents Man I tracked them into my life I'm like a magnet for Gronks I was walking A Gronk is a not cool person Sounds like a magnet for gronks. I was walking... A gronk is a not cool person. I thought it was like a caveman or something.

But I kind of get the general gist of it. I'm getting the gist. Good word. I like gronk. It's very fun. You'll hear it on today, next week. Yeah, we do it on Triple J first and then today does it. Six months later.

We do a whole campaign around it. Tommy, do you understand any of these radio terms? No, not at all. Today, what's that? Next week, what does that mean? The future, what's that? We plan this with three hours to go. Financial independence, what does that mean?

Buying a house. They're here. But yeah, so I was flying, not to brag, on an aeroplane down to Melbourne from Sydney where I live. And there was this guy. I also live there. Pardon? No.

Oh, you live there? No. No. Yes. You just get radio magicked into there. That's sick. Anyway, sorry. Anyway, there was a guy i sat next to you on

the plane and it was just this thing of like um i checked in early because i love my space and i want my window seat and there was like a three seater and i was like it's too empty next to me it'll be fine like i've picked a great time i'm gonna have my own space and then this guy got the aisle seat and he sat down and he pulled the middle tray down and then the next tray down just to rest his arms. Oh, gee. And I was like, this is going to be an interesting hour, you know, in the air, right? So he pulls it down and then he pulls out his like little shitty

cracked iPhone 4. Oh, it's fun to say brand names. McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's. Oh, McDonald's. So good. You don't have to say tablet or something like that. Your smartphone. Your smartphone, a tablet. Yeah.

Anyway, so he pulls out like each tray just to rest his arm. And I'm like, okay, this guy is like, you know when sometimes someone's so obnoxious that you can't even be angry at them, you just pay the craft're like fuck yeah i've never had that feeling well you've never been a woman i guess i'll let it go oh yeah anyway so you like he like he's like spread spread out and i'm like that's fine like you you that's fine i deserve this and um then he, like, I made a list of, like, the things he did because I just found him much more interesting than any of the virgin Australia in-flight entertainment. Oh, shit.

One of my favorite airlines, yeah. Anyway, so then he, like, ordered three bourbon and Cokes and I was like, this is an hour flight, but good on you. So did, what, three all at once? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, keep them coming. And the lady was like, okay. And then, and like, you know what? She all at once? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, keep him coming. And the lady was like, okay. And then, and like, you know what?

She already looks scared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, this guy either like wants to sleep or is going to blow us up and just needs like the courage. Free bourbon and coals. He's fighting his best friend. I've done that before. It's never good when the flight attendant has to tell you

that you're not allowed to order booze until the plane's taken off. I've made that mistake. It's a couple of beers, thanks. Man, we're still waiting for people to sit down and then you can have as much as you want. A couple of beers, thanks. You're not in a plane, you're in a taxi still, mate. Yes, a couple of beers, thanks.

And then anyway, oh, side note, I always order a coffee before I get on the plane because I like needing to shit but not being able to get up until the plane takes off. Anyway. That's not in here. I just thought I'd share. Let's talk about that.

All right. You like needing to shit, but not getting up. It's a bit like deprivation. I don't know. You like holding on. Yeah. I just needed to shit for three days. Wow.

What? And then, anyway, so he's like... Save it for Monday morning. I will then. No, he means the content of the shit. No, I'm saving the shit. Both, both. So he starts watching Suicide Squad.

Great. Which I love because you can't even watch the whole movie on the fly. Yes, yes. And I was like, good on you. And then the trolley with the food comes around and, you know, we all get like a snack or whatever and he's like, actually, can I order something else? And she's like, okay, well, like the menu's just in front pocket.

He's like, no, no, no, no, no. I want a beef sandwich. I want the crust cut off. Oh, wow. And I don't want any butter. And I was just like, this guy's fucking ordering off menu Oh wow. And I don't want any butter. Wow. And I was just like this guy's fucking ordering off menu. Yeah.

On an aeroplane. He thinks there's a guy back there. Yeah. In a little, he thinks Ratatouille's there in a little hat. Short order chef. Can I be honest, when you get to sit at the part of the plane that I get to sit on. Oh. Someone has had money for two months.

Is this up the back near the toilets and the babies? Is that where I sit? By the way, I don't think I've ever heard the term a beef sandwich. Yes. I hadn't either. That's why I wrote it down. And can I ask, what time of day was this? Like late afternoon. Okay, so not...

4.20, Harley. Not anywhere near a meal time. At that time, you'll eat anything. And then the other notes I have, I didn't cover his mouth when he yawned and terrible burps. And that's it. Terrible burps. I guess from...

Thank you. I had on my flight back from Vietnam the other day. Flight was delayed in little 15-minute increments. And all of a sudden it's been an hour and we're still at the gate waiting to go. And so then the captain comes out and you go, and this will be good. So he comes out and he gets on the mic and he goes, hey, everyone, just wanted to give you a bit of a personal update as to what's going on.

Flight was meant to leave an hour ago. We're still trying to get the plane fixed up because on the flight over here, a passenger got a little bit aggressive and broke the floor of the plane. What? The floor? So we're currently trying to fix the floor. Now, once that's all sorted out, then we've got to get it signed off by a bunch of different people. And so we're trying to rush that through as quickly as we can to get you out of here.

I'm going, nah, take your time, I reckon. Don't rush. We've all got insurance. We can get a hotel for the night. It's fine. But I reckon, have you ever had that where they give you, because I'm a very paranoid person, so I don't want the details. No.

They need to give you an opt-out period where you can just go, or if you're going to give that information, I want the whole fucking story. Like, I need to know what this guy was doing. How do you fucking break the floor of a plane? I can only think of he picked up the food trolley and then threw it down again. I said I wanted a beef sandwich.

I'm so mad. And so then we get on the plane like half an hour later and I'm walking down the aisle and I feel like a bit of the floor under me just goes, I'm like, here we fucking go. That'll be it. That's where he was sitting. Tom is in cargo. Sorry, there'll be a delay. Someone's

cat spilled water on their passport. Genuinely fucking terrifying. Should we get a little segment happening now? Yes. I think we should. I think we're running a bit late. As the 350th episode, you know, we would be remiss of us not to bring back a regular and favourite segment of a lot of people who listen to this podcast.

Folks, please give it up and welcome a very special edition of Xavier's Corner. Fashion. Topics. Cancer. You're standing at Xavier's corner. Hi, I'm replacing Xavier Michaelides. This is Louis Hotel owner. Everyone's favorite character. Here to look back at the Dum Dum Club. The Dum Dum Club.

What a great little part of it is so many wonderful moments like the first episode where Nick Cody appears a young

happy Nick Cody when I grow up I'm going to be an army man and a men's rights activist what about when we talked to the man who cured Tommy's dick cancer, Dr. Ramsey? Thanks, Dr. Ramsey, for curing my dick cancer.

You're welcome, Tommy. I don't know how you lived without a dick for so long. I'm real good at finger banging. All right. Quick shout out to Mr and Mrs Allsop again Yeah What about the first time Carl called Tommy a dickhead

G'day dickhead Carl don't call me that It's very disrespectful I'm saying it every episode Oh no the cracks in our relationship Are starting to show But let's pretend to be friends From now on Oh no, the cracks in our relationship are starting to show. But let's pretend to be friends from now on.

But secretly we hate each other. We sure do. Right, um... What about when Dilruch lost all that weight? Well done, Dilruch died four days later. Oh, what about that special episode with Fiona O'Loughlin? Calm down, I won't go there.

Hi, Fiona! Shut up, cunt! Which one of you is Hamish? Spot on. What about the first episode with Luke McGregor? What's the... Sorry, fucked it. Hey, guys, what's the deal with Asians?

That's what Red Simon said. Or what about... Just play the song again I've got like 10 more minutes Goes to 10 more minutes Or what about the first episode With Ronnie Chang Hey guys What's the deal with white people

I mean what's the deal With white That's what Red Simon said What another Another 350 years Little Dum Dum Club I just want to say you guys are great boys

and I think it's a great show and a lot of people say you guys are cunts but I think you're really good and I love you guys and good luck with it and I hope it goes well

another 350 I think are you doing the thing where you stretch it out again yeah yeah doing it again doing it all again thanks for ringing in Are you doing the thing where you stretch it out again? Yeah, yeah, doing it again. Doing it all again.

Thanks for ringing in. Xavier Michaelis. There he goes. And for anyone here who hasn't heard all the other 349 episodes, now you don't need to. You've had a complete catch-up. What a great wrap-up of of three people somehow Red Simon's got mentioned more

than anyone else someone who has never been on the show and only got referenced for the first time just a moment ago yeah yeah great

well what do we want to go do now we have we have still got two things let's do we've got an episode of Rad Dad Written

well it's Rad Dad written. Well, it's Rad Dad here. I'm here to say I'm just ratting around in a Rad Dad way. Got to have a kid, cat and a dog. Send me the rat in your catalogue. Yeah. Word to your mother. That's actually what we got him in for.

Alright, here we go. Raddad, I can't believe you've dragged me all the way overseas to come to this lame, stupid festival. Lame? What's lame about the Kosamui International Fidget Spinner Festival? Everyone here is such a loser. Why are they wearing singlets that look like the Bintane logo and say Fidget Spinner? And why did fans of Fidget Spinners have to crowdfund this Fidget Spinner Festival when they didn't even get to go? And why did they fly over a fat Sri have to crowdfund this fidget spinner festival when they didn't even get to go?

And why did they fly over a fat Sri Lankan to this fidget spinner festival? And why did we have to catch a boat here? Why didn't we fly? Well, Jenny, I spent all of our money sponsoring this festival. Didn't you see the posters? Oh, yes. The rad dad is a fucking idiot and his fuck daughter, Jenny,

present the Koh Samui International Fidget Spinner Festival. Get it? It's like that other thing. What other thing? Anyway, here's the organiser of the festival now. Excuse me, sir, what inspired you to start this festival? Hi, dodgy-looking cunt.

In answer to your question, if you're going to fundraise a festival overseas, you really have to have nothing else going on back home. No career, no opportunities. And to be honest, I wanted to do an overseas festival so I could travel in a plane. Since my wife took my car.

Fuck heads. Talk about that on Monday, cunt. Will do, fuckface. With my full bank account. That's amazing. The writing in this episode is superb. Now, Jenny, let's get back to the boring written stuff.

I have to be honest, part of the reason I wanted to bring you here today Was to meet someone very special to me You may have noticed that I come over to Thailand a fair bit And you may have been wondering why that is Not really It's pretty obvious that you have a second family over here This might be a massive shock But I have a secret to share with you

About you having a second family over here I don't just come here for the cheap beer and the sunshine You don't have to tease this out Every time I call your phone you ask Is this Jenny from my first family or my second family over here. I don't just come here for the cheap beer and the sunshine. You don't have to tease this out. Every time I call your phone, you ask, is this Jenny from my first family or my second family that are Thai and they live in Thailand? Look, Jenny, the truth is I have a second family in Thailand. Well, you barely have a first family, but anyway.

Jenny, I'd like you to meet my Thai wife. Her name is Fiona. This was obviously written about a couple of hours ago. Ah, yes, Fiona. That traditional Thai name, Fiona, meaning didn't rock up to the podcast. Fiona, say hello to my daughter Jenny and please, I beg you, don't do the accent.

Hello, Rad Dad. Good to see you for the 11th time this month. I think we got together and you said you'd support me from Australia. I didn't think you meant that you just sent over Billabong board shorts and Ugly Kid Joe albums. Hey, that cassette cost me $30 from brushes. Love the reference because I'm old. I wouldn't even get $10 for it down the markets. You fucking shit stirrer. I'm sorry Rad markets, you fucking shit-stirrer.

I'm sorry, Red Dad, but this ain't working for me. I'll admit someone else over here, someone who doesn't go back to Australia all the time, likes to meet my new boyfriend, Sex Tourist Dad. What's up? I think we handed out the wrong sheets. I did not know this was the character I was going to be playing. We didn't have a third guest book when we wrote this,

so we just had to make it kind of generic. Sex tourist, Dad, my old nemesis. That's right, Rad Dad. I got tired of living in your shadow back in Australia. You were always so much cooler than me, with your bum bags and your stussy hats. I decided I had to get away and move to Thailand, where I discovered a new passion, sex tourism.

So your name is Sex Tourist Dad, and yet sex tourism is a new thing for you. Correct. It was a very weird name to have for all those years. I got a lot of questions about my name badge when I was working at Subway. Also, how exactly are we differentiating between rad dad and sex tourist dad when they seem to be essentially the same thing?

Anyway, we'll talk about it in the post-show meeting. So, anyway, I can't believe it. The love of my life has fallen for another man. Don't worry, mate. The Thai people have a saying for this sort of thing. Hoosah Klabma? It roughly translates to, she'll be back. Rad Dad, I feel bad about how this has played out.

As an olive branch, please accept a free ticket to an event that I'm running later this afternoon, the Koh Samui International Sex Tourist Festival. Wow, did you start this festival just because the Melbourne International Sex Tourist Festival. Wow, did you start this festival just because the Melbourne International Sex Tourist Festival wouldn't give you a go on the gala? Or any roadshow gigs? Or sort of anything?

I've done a bit of that stuff. Anyway. No. Only losers would give up and flee with their careers to a third world country like that. Hey, look, some of the festival attendees are already arriving. That's weird. They're all wearing matching T-shirts.

What do they say on them? I'm aware of the little dum-dum club. Your listeners are sex pests. Like, actually, your listeners are sex pests. Okay, come on, that's not completely true. Some of our guests are too. Okay, well... Now that this has gotten nice and convoluted like it always does,

let's end this shitty play and get back to the thing that this audience has paid for, calling each other cunts. Sure thing, Jenny, just as soon as I find myself a supple 12-year-old bride. What? Just kidding, an 12-year-old bride. What? Just kidding. An 11-year-old bride. Oh, right, Dad.

Hey, you wanted it. All right, folks, we have one thing left for this evening, for this 350th episode. A very dear friend of ours has written a song in tribute of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Please welcome Josh Earle! So I got the text from Tommy yesterday at five. So can you write us a parody?

And so I'm like, all right, tonight I'm Drab Rossy. So here we go. Ah! So it's a parody of it. Look in my eyes. Okay, good job. Thanks, Tom. Another episode with an hour-long intro.

Tom Carpenter made some do-it-awful intro. Get to the guests while we all download. Stop banging on about the coast of all these shows I want to hear fat jokes that do not people who subscribe Which we know just pays for cars to tie and ride I skip ahead some more and they're both still banging on About the show that is sponsored by that idiot Rich Young Remember when the show would just begin

And they had great guests like Luke and Ronnie Ching Now Brett breaks on every show like who the fuck is he? That's right, he's Jetstar Nick Cody. Alright, big shout out to Patreon subscriber Steph Morgan. Steph, what do you reckon? Audio for that, Tommy. Steph, I know. Steph Hardon, so I'm going to

hard on the subscriber of our show. Yeah. This guy gets it. Alright, how about a big thank you to Patreon subscriber Sinclair Bree. There you go, Sinclair Bree. What do you reckon? Oh no, Sinclair Pean. My peans are thanks to their money. Alright! They're actually good ones. Do you think they're alright for us?

We'll do one more and I'm too busy writing down every good one of these fucking banners. Alright, one more, one more. What have we got here? What have we got here? Okay, one more. First name Sandwich. Last name Duck. Yeah. Thanks, Duck. There's something wrong with both their bowels. Their arses are not right.

The content has become nearly shed on Mike. Three hundred and fifty episodes, but nah, you're both alright. I can't believe you haven't taken both your lives. Joshua! Joshua! Oh, I'm tearing up. What sort of show gets a round of applause for saying the host should kill themselves?

Fucking hell. So good. Oh, all right, folks. We have got to wrap up this episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Can we get a huge round of applause for Dave O'Neill, Harley Green, Jen Fricker. Xavier Michaelides. Xavier Michaelides Xavier Michaelides of course

Josh Earl Also hey fuckheads When you started this I didn't think you were going to last two weeks So big round of applause For Tommy Dazzler Kyle Chandler Thank you to everyone at home

Who listens and subscribes every week And for coming out to the live shows Thank you so much for your support We love you guys and we'll see you next time. See you mates!