The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 353 - Russell Howard & Harley Breen

Episode Date: July 11, 2017

Dumb Waiters, The Rock and Missionary.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode with Russell Howard and Harley Breen. But before that, we need to tell you about a couple of things that we have coming up. As you will have seen all across social media and heard on this show, we are heading off to the Montreal Just for Laughs Festival in a couple of weeks. Now, there's a lot less lead time for this than the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, so you're not going to have to hear about us banging on about it for as long as we did with that. And we're not trying to make you fly overseas. Yes.

Not this time. But what we do, I mean, we've looked at the stats and there's plenty of people in Canada. We'd love to see you. Or there's people in America that want to make the trip or thereabouts. Please come along if you can. But especially those people in Canada. I mean, this is the one time we're going to come there. So, you know, have a little bit of a trip.

Come down. Treat yourself. There's plenty of stuff on during the festival, during the JFL festival. It's like, it's ridiculous. If you look at the website, we are part of a festival that's got Jerry Seinfeld and Jim Carey involved. Yeah, pretty amazing. It's stupid.

There's like just even looking at the same day that we are on in Montreal, there's all these amazing shows on that are on after us. So you can come and see us at lunchtime. We're on at 12 o'clock. And then afterwards, you can see all these amazing shows that night from six onwards. There's all these absolutely, you know, world-class,

you know, fellow world-class comedians. Yes, our peers now, officially. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that is Saturday, July the 29th, midday at the Hyatt Regency. You can get tickets for – well, there's a link through our website, littledumbdumbclub.com. We are then going to be doing a show in Los Angeles,

Saturday, August the 5th, 2 p.m. at the Lyric Hyperion Theatre and Cafe. Yeah, that's going to be a lot of fun. And if you, again, if you're close by, if you're a couple of hours away, you know, make the effort. We haven't been there for a long, long time and we didn't have many listeners back when we did that. So not many people come along. But now it feels like we've got quite a few listeners in the Americas. So it feels like on social media there's plenty of people at either end of the country. So keep looking at the social medias.

We're trying to lock in a New York date. It may have already been announced by the time this comes out. Yeah, we're recording this a bit in advance. So I hope to God that we've got it locked in by the time this goes out. I dare say it'll be out there somewhere on social media. Yeah, if it's not already on sale, have a look at the website. If you live in New York, if you want to make a trip to New York, have a look at our website. It might be on sale.

If it's not on sale by now, maybe we're not doing it. But we are confirming. Trying our hardest. We're doing a lot of emailing at the moment. We're confirmed for LA. We're confirmed for Montreal. So if you're in North America, there is no excuse to not come along and see us unless you have a good excuse.

Yeah. Oh, wow. You really gave him a get-out-of-jail-free card there. Yeah, you've got two options there. So we'd love to see you. You know what? We're bloody little crocodile dundies in a big strange land. We don't understand how things work.

Fish out of water. People are trying to mug us. We're misunderstanding. We think they're trying to suck us off. Yeah, we're pulling out. We're saying, that's not a dick. This is a dick and pulling that out. And it's going to be very confusing.

A bloke dressed like Michael Jackson is trying to take our money away from us and we're just bloody yokels from a different continent. So come and help us out. Also, news a lot closer to home. We have been wanting to announce this for ages. This finally has been confirmed. We can finally put this out there. We are doing the long-promised Sydney live show.

It is happening Thursday, September the 14th at, do you want to say the venue? All right. Basically, it's a purpose-built venue for our podcast, I believe. I think it's the perfect place for us. They built it a little while back, but they've sort of tailored it to what we need, the class of what we need. It was built before we started this podcast, and it's just been sitting there waiting for the perfect thing to come along to perform in it.

Yeah. Never before performed in, but now, finally, we've got to a level where we can perform in it. So we are, and this got to a level where we can uh we can perform in it so we are and this is not a joke we are performing we are doing a live little dum-dum club episode at the sydney opera house yes i know it sounds like a joke yeah but it's not a joke we are actually doing it yeah and another bit that's serious is that it's going to be on the forecourt out the front like those crowded house concerts at the start of the year oh man yeah that would be awesome but it's it's not it's inside we are in a big old room inside we are doing a live podcast at the sydney opera house that's right guys the sydney opera house

fuck knows how or why but um this is this is pretty amazing and a bit of a sad time for the sydney opera house yes yeah i feel like it's expensive for us to do the show there. I feel like the rental costs are going to go way down after we've been in there. Yeah, there goes the neighbourhood. But, yeah, that's pretty amazing. That's part of the Just for Life Sydney Festival. And, yeah, we are stoked to be doing that. And, again, it's another show for the JFL, for the Just for Life Festival.

You might have seen them on the telly. They always have their little galas from over in Canada or from around here, but you see a lot of it on the telly. That is us. That's the mob with the little… The little green man. The little green meanie down the bottom of the screen, Just for Laughs. So it is the most prestigious comedy festival in the world,

and we've bunked up with them both in Montreal and in Sydney. Yeah, I think we're in talks to do a new season of their prank show. Oh, that would be the dream. I know, let's be the little meanies. Let's be two little animated Tommy and Carl down the bottom. Not bad. As it goes to a break, it's a bit of a segue between two stand-ups and it's us going, fuck off, cunt.

Where's the next cunt? Well, I said to you I was considering doing a poster for the Montreal gig that was a very explicitly drawn illustration of us having sex with the green genie. And then I thought, I wonder how much these guys monitor social media and would protest to us putting that out there. No, that would be a very bad idea.

Maybe that can go to the Patreon subscribers, I would say. Oh, one for the magazine. That's not bad. Okay, I'll do that for the magazine. Yeah, please. All right, cool. As long as someone called Just For, surname laughs, doesn't start subscribing, that would be great.

Could that possibly be a French cousin of the comedy family? Oh, man. Let's see who comes up this week. So, yeah, that is going to be great fun. So all you Sydney guys, you've been clamoring it for it for ages once again the website little dumdum club.com for all that info yep and brisbane you guys are so good at buying tickets it is unbelievable there are it like a dozen tickets left or something it won't be that many yeah well at the time that we're recording this it'll be

less than that so there's every chance that he by the time you're listening to point it won't be that many yeah well at the time that we're recording this it'll be less than that so there's every chance that by the time you're listening to this it may even be sold out so if you're thinking about coming then do not sleep on it because this is

we've never had a response to a live show like this this is crazy rush to the website right now we are recording this basically a week in advance

so I would say you'd be very lucky to nab a ticket by now. But get on it. Get on it. Keep looking at the social medias. We always implore you to find out the updates of these sort of things.

But Brisbane, yeah, there is no room to move. There's no – don't complain. Don't complain when we get up there that it's all sold out because that is exactly what's going to happen very, very soon. So please do that. It's going to be a heap of fun. We've got great guests confirmed with us. We're doing our stand-up show whether you like it or not.

And it's going to be – we always have a lot of fun up there, especially at the beautiful Hayar Bar. It's a cool little place that we love very much. They look after us very nicely. They've got great food and it's just a fun little venue, isn't it? Yeah. I mean I don't have a great idea about Brisbane but it always feels like that's a bit of an oasis in the middle of a place

that's maybe not that great in that area. Yeah, I've been taken a task previously for expressing my feelings about capital cities that we visit on this podcast. So I will refrain from saying what I think of Brisbane right now. But, yeah. I like it. I like it. Really?

Yeah, I do like Brisbane. But there's like that little shitty mall that's near Hayar Bar that you just look at and go, oh, the Valley, which is a bit shit. Yeah. The Valley's shit, right? I think even people that like and defend Brisbane would agree that the Valley is pretty shit. I used to like the Valley, like years and years and years ago. Right.

But I think it's, yeah, it's a big old turd. It's bad in the way that it's where all the bars and nightclubs and stuff are, and then there's not even a road, it's just a mall. So there's nothing dividing the trash on either side. It's just pure it's just, it's chaos. Anyway, we're not part of that.

So that is Saturday, August the 26th. It'll be my first gig that I do as a 31 year old. Oh, very nice. Very, very nice. I wonder what we're going to do there. Are we going to go up there a day early and have a birthday drink somewhere?

Yeah, I don't want to. Okay. Well, it's not happening then. I don't really want to go. Yeah, I did think about that. I'm like, I don't really want to. No offence, Brisbane. Hey, you know what?

The people of Brisbane that come to our shows, love them. Lovely people. Don't really feel like spending the night of my birthday uh in the town of brisbane not being able to get a drink after 10 p.m oh it doesn't sound like fun to me okay all right um anyway little dumdum club.com yeah for those scant few tickets that are left uh perth is the next one keep watching out perth we will be announcing very soon once we confirm our little venue and times and dates and everything. So that is coming in the pipeline. And I think, yeah, look, you know, they're still vague.

We're trying to figure out something with Canberra, but it's a bit hard. Just to find time, to be honest. And also we're not having a great lot of luck with venues up there at the moment. Yep. But, hey, you know what? Thanks for listening and thanks for contributing. If you are one of those lovely Patreon subscribers that we have have if you give anything back to us we much appreciate because man fuck these things take a bit big chunk out of our day to record all this sort of stuff yeah i

just had this massive to-do list to do today we've recorded episode we're doing this it's like fuck i've done nothing else but do this podcast today yep i'm the same yeah so thank you for contributing and making it worth our while because without that sort of kickback coming towards us, we start to go, what the fuck are we doing this for? This is a waste of everyone's time. Why should we do this? Yeah. So thank you.

You make – we do this for you guys. You make it possible. We are – you are our bosses. You keep paying us. We keep making it until you stop paying us, thus fire us, and then we don't do it anymore. Or you sexually harass us. We go to HR. Yep.

And say, do it more. So that's your complaint at HR is that it's not happening enough. Well, can I go to HR and say, can I just get the money replaced with sexual harassment from now on? Can I just do this podcast in return for sexual harassment? Can I go to HR and say that they look good enough for a good poking? Fuck. No, you can't say that.

Who watches The Watchmen? So, but thank you, everyone. Of course, you know by now, or if you are a new listener, you get beautiful kickbacks. We, if you subscribe to Patreon, a lot of podcasts out there, they offer you nothing. You know, they're laughing at you. They're pointing at you and going,

we'll take money off these fucking idiots and give you nothing in return. Not us. Most of them offer you nothing. Yeah, we're take money off these fucking idiots and give you nothing in return. Not us. Most of them offer you nothing. Yeah, we're too stupid for that. We make big promises early on and then hate the fact that we've got to fulfil them. We didn't really research it at all. We didn't really do any kind of like looking at what the other podcasts do

and going, we'll match that. We just blindly went, oh, a magazine. Yeah. Little fucking drawings every month. Yeah, an extra podcast that will take a day to make. Oh, a magazine that will take three or four days to make. Fucking great. We've got nothing better to do with our time except jobs.

Jesus Christ. So anyway, all of that. If you're on board, I hope you appreciate that stuff because we appreciate your dollars. So get on board. We are the best value for money, extra content givers in the game, I say. We're the Bertie Beadle show bag of Patreon-based podcasting. Bang for your buck.

Yeah. You get $2 worth if you pay $2. $2 worth of entertainment in every Patreon bag we've got. Well, hey, reach into that sack and pull out a couple of delicious little chocolates for us now. Let's do some of these name rings. I got my hand on the sack already, buddy. Don't worry about that.

How? So let's do five this week. Okay. Five names. Change it up. Just do five. Let's do this week week Okay Five names Change it up Just do five Let's do this week We'll do

Just to Yeah Yeah Make it a little bit different Thank you to Patreon subscriber Dan Dennis Dan Dennis

Yeah Now I've talked about alliteration in names before Not a huge fan of it Oh well You've changed your mind here Because this is a good one Dan Dennis Dan Dennis

Old double D Oh well there you go Who your mind here because this is a good one. Dan Dennis. Dan Dennis, old double D. Oh, well, there you go. Who's not a fan of that? Wait, what if it's Danielle? And what I've said is, you know, it's funny if I've said that about a guy, but if I've said that about a girl, that's not cool. Isn't it? Is that the HR department coming in again?

Yeah, they're in the earpiece right now. By the way, we went off about a Karen Rhodes last week. Yes. And we found out that Karen was in fact a bloke. Yes. So I was going to say sorry but I'm not sorry. Suck shit.

Eat a shit. Get your pussy out, Karen. Yeah. Thank you to... Big double D. Double D. Big Danny Dennis. Do you ever get the double D? Dan D. Big Danny Dennis. Yeah, do you ever cop that? Do you ever get the Double D, Dan Dennis?

I would say maybe you get that. Danny Dennis. Daniel Dennis. Have we said your name enough? Yeah. It's just us looking for something, like a hidden little kind of funny thing in it that's not coming. It's us trying to ignore the fact that Double D and we could keep going on that, but we probably shouldn't. Yeah.

What's the biggest bra size on a girlfriend you've ever had, Tommy? Great question. Yeah. Yeah, my first girl – am I really saying this? Yes. Am I really saying this? That exasperated sigh means yes. Yeah, one of my first girlfriends had a very large pair of breasts. Oh I really saying this? That exasperated sigh means yes. Yeah.

One of my first girlfriends had a very large pair of breasts. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. So there you go. I don't know if that's not cool to say. It's a fact. She did. Yeah.

I'm not naming her. Yeah. Did you name them? They'll be back. All right. You've got your bang for your buck there, Dan. There you go, Dan. I think you letting everyone know that you are responsible for the knowledge now that

Tommy Daslow's first girlfriend was very buxom. Yeah. Good for you, Columbo. You've dragged that out. I'm not sure if that girl listens and I cannot wait to find out. Wow. Okay. Thanks, Dan.

That's your fault. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Bryce Stevens. Oh, Bryce Stevens. Now, this reminds me of my second girlfriend's kids. Bryce, what was it? Bryce Stevens. Bryce Stevens. Bryce is a bit of a, I don't know, I feel like it's an Adelaide name.

Very uncommon name. There's also a bit of the two S sounds very close together. Bryce. I think it makes it difficult. Bryce Stevens. Yeah, it runs into each other. Yeah. Yeah.

Bryce Stevens. Thanks, Bryce, for, you know, each of these Patreon subscribers is just letting us reminisce about old girlfriends and conquests. Yes. So thanks for your part in that, Bryce Stevens. What's all this us talk? You haven't brought anything to the table yet. Oh, I can't.

Maybe the next one will remind me of a past night encounter. Number three. Right. Number three for this week. Oh, I think this does ring a bell already. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jason Ballard. Well, this reminds me of the time I fucked Tom Ballard. And he was built.

He's stacked. He's like a double F's on him, on that baby. Very good stuff from him. This is... I hope he doesn't listen. This is one of... Two thoughts. This is one of the worst things I've ever been involved in.

And two, I cannot wait to hit the stage at the Opera House. We should make an exception for that episode. We should do the Patreon as part of the actual live show. I think someone already, someone I think on social media already suggested like we should use Montreal as like the debut of our all Patreon subscriber naming episode. Well, no one in the audience will know what the fuck we are anyway, so we can just sort of do what we want.

We can just reboot the show. Yep. Thanks, Jason Ballard. Fourth one, number four for this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ryan Young. And that reminds me of when I had a very young girlfriend. Yes. We've been in each other's company pretty much all day now. I've hit the delirium.

It's really sunk in. That's my thing. I had a young girlfriend once when I was... Oh God, he's elaborating. A girlfriend. Oh, well, just because you did, I figured it's only fair for me to say something. I've told you about this. I had a girlfriend that was like about 10 years younger than me.

Very interesting concept. Yeah, very. And what's it like dating a 40-year-old? Very good. I dated a girl who was just. That's great. You're 60 and you're dating a 40-year-old. You're like, check out this piece of prime meat.

Oh, that would be good. Hey, when I'm 60, I'm sure that would be, yeah, good. I did go out with a girl. Now, I'll paint myself in a negative fashion here for once. For a change. Yeah. I did have a girlfriend that was just finished high school when I started going out with her and I was about 10 years older and she'd just finished high school. So, she was out of high school, a couple of months there and I was about 10 years older. And she'd just finished high school.

So she was out of high school, a couple of months out. Were you a PE teacher or something? No. Fuck, imagine that though. And I was like, so, you know, at any stage are you going to crack out the uniform or anything? And she's like, no. Like, really?

But you've only just been in it. Like, it's not like you're not going to fit into it or you've chucked – you know, it's long gone or anything. It would still be in the cupboard and it never came out and it always – it stuck with me. I never got some of that school uniform action. And you'd be – that's genuinely a thing that you would have been into? I would have been fine to have a go at it.

Oh, you would have been fine. Yeah. Meaning I would have been happy. Yes. What else it. Oh, you would have been fine. Yeah. Meaning I would have been happy. Yes. What else did you want? Yes. Yes, absolutely. Okay.

I said I was asking for it. I was saying, can you do this? And she was like, no. I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah. That's a shame. Yeah. I wasn't on my hands and knees.

I wasn't angry. I was just like, be nice though. You're still thinking about it all these years. Yeah. The one that got away. Yes, exactly. Do you know what she does now? What she does for a living?

Yeah. I've sort of got a bit of an idea. Yeah. She's in the armed forces. Oh, okay. Yep. So if you listen and you want to put it on, it's too late, baby. What, the school uniform or the army fatigues?

No. I mean, I assume that's what she wears all the time now. No wonder I haven't seen her for 10 years. She's been camouflage. Thanks, Ryan. All right. Let's do it. I'm sick of kind of, you know, taking these too seriously.

Let's lighten up with this last one. Is this the last one? Yeah, this is the last one for this week. Let's lighten up. Let's be a bit silly with this one. Be a bit silly? Yeah. Be a bit more playful, you know.

Okay. All right. Up to you. Your call. All I do is read them out. You get the first crack at it. You're merely a conduit. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. I'll just put my hand into the old Patreon lottery basket again this week. Last week it was a random name generator. We've gotten rid of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we've picked up a basket. Yeah. It's like the Tats Lotto draw now.

It's just put the hand in, grab a ping pong ball, pull it out and see what it says. Oh, okay. All right. I've got one. We've got one. This is – you know what? I hope this person could even possibly come on to Montreal.

Okay, here we go. Yeah, could come on to Montreal. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Uncle Med Comedy. Uncle Shit Comedy. What? Uncle Med. Yeah, yeah, Med. Uncle Shit in French. Oh, really. Yeah, yeah, Med. Med is shit in French.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. So Uncle Shit Comedy. Oh, fuck. That's why I started again. You keep spitting everywhere. Because you are making me laugh with your funny take on this name. That's very funny. I'm just translating

it. Oh, well, you've done it again. Med is shit in French Well I didn't know that It's a very funny take It's not a take it's just a translation You've done what you said you were going to do You said let's be playful and you've done it You've found a funny angle on that name

You tell me what you think is so funny About a person being called Uncle Shit Comedy And Two thirds Two thirds of their name are in English. And then for some reason, one-third of it is in another language. Well, it says – look, I didn't even get to read the bracket a bit after. Oh, the bracket. The little detail bit.

Yes, yes. Which is the comedy family's distant uncle that lives in Canada. Yeah. Uncle Merd Comedy. So big chance of rocking up to Montreal, which is very nice. It's nice to know that the comedy family does have some links into another country. Is it actually Merd or is Merd, is that you just mumbling something and hoping that it sounds vaguely French?

No, that's... Mird, that's what it says here. Uncle Mird Comedy. That's his name. So distant French-Canadian relative. Yeah. Well, I mean, you'd hope he's coming. He's chipping in.

He's supporting the show on Patreon. It'd be a wild move to do that and then not bother coming to the gig. But he could be one of these people that sometimes hit us up going, well, we can't make it to your shows, but we'd like to chip in somehow. So put in a few Canadian dollars. So very nice, or francs, or whatever they use over there. Maybe, yeah.

Yeah, well, yeah. But it all just gets kind of converted into Australian dollars. We're not having to sort out Drachma and all that bullshit. No, no, no. Look, I'm sure it's Canadian dollars, isn't it? So this is another uncle.

Yeah. So this is now, so there's two, so we now know of there being three brothers of the comedy dynasty. No, no, no, no, no, no, because there's uncle comedy and he's married. Yeah. But there's no second uncle apart from now. That's what I'm saying. But no, but there's original Mr. Comedy.

Sorry, Mr. Comedy, you're right. Then there's English-speaking Uncle Comedy and then French-speaking Uncle Shit Comedy. Yes, yes. Fuck, you always crack me up with that take. Is Mird the middle name? No, no, no. Or the first name?

Uncle, well, his name's not Uncle. That would be a weird name. It's Mird. Okay. It's Uncle Mird Comedy. Shit Comedy. Yes. name uncle well his name's not uncle that would be a weird name it's mirrored okay it's uncle mirrored okay comedy shit comedy yes uncle yes okay yeah all right well uh thanks uncle thanks uncle mirrored uh hopefully we see you in a couple of weeks time in the front row there at montreal uh everyone else who's listening please you know if this if you're just tuning in because you're a Russell Howard fan please stick with it it's about to get a lot better just fast forward

another 15 seconds and you'll be right I reckon so all those gigs that we announced all of them littledumbdumbclub.com for all those details and tickets heaps of merch we've replenished a bunch of our merchandise our t-shirts we have got a full order of the burger logo shirts in.

We have reordered the I'm Aware black shirt. So all sizes available. And then we've still got a big bunch of Koh Samui Podcast Festival merchandise, the beautiful elephant T-shirt that has been designed by Tommy Dassler with us riding it with a big logo on the side. They're selling along. They're still dribbling out the door. You know what?

We've got a lot of oversized. So if you're an oversized person and you want to get one of your two to five XLs, we particularly have a bunch of them for the festival merchandise. But we've still got with the, you know, if it's hot where you are, we've got the singlets, the Dum Dum singlets on sale. If you're in Australia, you're going to have to wait a few months for that to become applicable to you. But yeah, heaps of t-shirts and stuff like that so get onto that that would be great to get them out of my spare room yep that would be terrific great little

dum-dum club.com for all of that and enjoy today's episode with harley breen and russell howard Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Now, we've been shouting this from the rooftops for a couple of weeks now. We are two weeks away from heading off to the Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, which is very exciting. Now,

I told my dad about this the other day, and he was very excited. And, you know, we talked about it for a bit, and then he kind of paused and he went, it's an interesting relationship, you and Carl, isn't it? Because you work well together, and you seem to have a great deal of kind of working respect for each other, but you're not really friends, are you? Why do you say that? I was like, that's a bit, I don't know that I'd put it like that. I don't know that respect is a word I would use. Yeah, yeah.

Very odd way of him looking at it because I don't think that's the impression that I would think we give off. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, where has he pulled that from? I don't know. I actually don't know. I mean, where has he pulled that from? I don't know. I actually don't know. Has he looked into our Facebook chats or something? You know what?

Half an hour before that I'd said, I hate Carl Chandler, he's not my friend. So maybe it had something to do with that. Well, there's one clue. He probably just looked inside your soul. Do you think he might have been about to tell you that your parents are getting divorced and he was trying to figure out how he could explain it in a sort of way you'd understand.

Right. So do you think that's softening the blow? I think he was about to build up to his main point. And you kind of left before your head. Now, son, you know the relationship you've got with the main person in your life. Speaking of a lack of respect. How did they get on? How did they get on?

My parents. Yeah, yeah. Really well. Oh, good. Yeah. Well, let's introduce our guests. First of all. Whoever could a lack of respect. How did they get on? How did they get on? Met my parents. Yeah, yeah. Really well. Oh, good. Yeah. Well, let's introduce our guests. First of all. Whoever could they be?

Yeah. Well, yeah. Today on the show, Harley, Brain and Russell Howell. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yay. Hello, by the way. That's probably the worst way of saying hello.

Yeah. I'm sure your parents are fantastic and the relationship is solid. I feel like, I always find it weird when I hear about people whose parents got divorced when the child was like well into adulthood.

Yes. So I kind of go, if my parents were going to split up, it would have happened a long time ago. Like they seem rock solid. But who knows? Maybe I'll hit 40 and they'll go, yeah, we can't be fucked. You're not hitting 40. You always hit 40, don't you?

You never kind of slump into it. Yeah. If he gets there, he's going to slump into it. Yeah. How old are you, Tommy? I'm 30. I'm 31 in a few weeks. Okay.

Yeah. Oh, look at you, cute. Just still saying, I'm going to be 31 soon. I'm 30 and three quarters. That's when you're five. I'm going to be six soon. Which means you met Russell when you were 20. Yeah, absolutely.

Just about to turn 21. So there's a bit of history here. Yeah, so we talk a little bit on this show about the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Roadshow. Yes. I believe it was, yeah, bang on a decade ago. We talk about it more than being on it. Well, yeah, 10 years ago I did a tour of the Northern Territory with Sam Simmons, Terry

Siakas, Harley Breen and Russell Howard. Yes. In fact, I've got a photo, which won't be a lot of help to people at home, that my girlfriend sent me yesterday of me and Harley. Oh, wow. As you can see there, if you want to describe what's happening there. It's me 10 years ago and 10 kilograms heavier. What exactly are you doing?

We're making love to, I believe, an ant mound. We're pretending an ant mound is a cock. Right, very good. Well, it must be fun on Roadshow, guys. I believe an ant hill an ant mound we're pretending an ant mound is a cock yeah right very good well it must be fun on Roadshow guys yeah

Carl wants to move on very quick we went to do you remember that night we went to the the Air Guitar Championships in Darwin

it was the semi-final do you remember that that's right yes and it was oh fuck do you remember there was an amazing

bit of commentary do you remember the bloke went yeah so that concludes the winner tonight is like Dave or something like that

and then he goes do you remember he said this over the tannoy and everyone was quite excited they'd just seen some good air guitar

and he went yeah Jennifer's serving drinks today 16 today and he genuinely went what a result do you remember that do you remember that

and the whole bar went oh and it was like this kind of awful moment when everyone looked at her and she was like yeah like that

and you sort of knew that this wasn't the first time that everyone would go hey Jennifer's serving me it's legal fellas it's legal like it was just horrible is that legal to serve

when you're 16 anyway no but I think it was referring to sexual activity yeah it was properly bleak but it was so like bend her over a cake right think it was referring to sexual activity. It was properly bleak. But it was so like, bend her over a cake, right boys? It was horrible, wasn't it? Get that annual result. Yeah, it was just so bleak.

Do you remember that? It just all went, uh. I can't, that is an incredible memory. I was struggling to remember your last name on the way over here. Oh, right. All these details. That's amazing. It's my one skill. And the only person on that tour at Argyle whose memories are as good as mine is Sam, who still is furious with me because I didn't – That doesn't sound like him.

Yeah, I didn't fly over Uluru. Yes. Do you remember this? And we did a TV show in England and he went mad. And he was like, I'll never fucking forgive you. But let's talk that through. What you gave up on was we got gifted a chartered flight over Uluru. Here we go. Look at this. Sorry, we've

just had a delivery of coffees. This is brilliant. This is an episode of Mad Men. We've just had coffees delivered. Beautiful secretary bringing in a seat. I'm thirsty today. What a result. That isn't as creepy as I've made it, honey. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Sorry. I was going to say it sort of makes sense. So Sam was getting mad about a flyover. So we got given a flyover, a chartered flyover, flying over Uluru, and everyone was very excited about it. The main reason we were gifted this chartered flight was that Russell was on the tour

and it was also Edwina Lunn's last year with the festival. Our tour manager. Our tour manager. So we were very excited and then on the day, Russ and his girlfriend, Keris, were like, nah, can't be arsed. And didn't come. On probably one of the most unique opportunities

that you can have anywhere in the world. Okay, to put this into context, we'd invented a really brilliant game in the swimming pool of the most unique opportunities that you can have anywhere in the world. But what, okay, to put this into context, we'd invented a really brilliant game in the swimming pool of the hotel called Po Lilo. But basically, you play polo on a sort of lilo. Yep. And for me, that's still a better... I believe that the indigenous people of Australia

probably believe that too. Well, exactly. If we'd have brought them into the pool, it could have been a real cross-cultural moment. Now, that is the real dream time. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Well, that have brought them into the pool, it could have been a real cross-cultural moment. Now, that is the real dream time. Yes, sir. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what I said to them.

I think it ruined Sam's whole experience of that day because we're all there going, this is, how amazingly beautiful is this? And Sam's just there going, that fucking weird Englishman. I can't believe he turned this down. And then he was, yeah, he was getting stuck into you all night at the gig.

It's been a 10 year it's still you just can't believe it you know that thing where like like you said we did this TV show and it's like a

three hour record it's going fine and I can see in his eyes every so often he's glazing over who the fuck is this fuck it was so funny

you knocked back all the room yeah but then the funny thing is I'm sure it's amazing I will never go there ever I think that's more as a point to prove until I find out back Uluru. Yeah, but then the funny thing is, I'm sure it's amazing, I will never go there. Yeah. Ever.

I think that's what is a point to prove. Until I find out that Simmons is on his deathbed and then there'll be a live feed from me at Uluru and just as I get there, I'll turn back.

Yeah, nice, nice. Or something like he, yeah, oh no, if he'd invited, if he'd invited you

to his wedding or something, you'd turn down like, no, I'm finally doing Uluru. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's really going to conflict with what he's doing. I think it was actually you not going to Uluru which made him shower himself in tacos.

Like he went proper mental. If not that, something else. Like if you had flown over there, it would have been because you put the shoe on the wrong foot at the sunning. It's always something with Simmons. But isn't it funny that if I had gone to Ilaro he'd be a really

straight observational comic he'd be like fuck this I'm putting my feet in fucking bread he'd be this Australian Seinfeld

right what's the deal with putting tacos on your nipples I think it might have been after the night where we saw the

air guitar championships that you Harley you and Sam back at the hotel we were staying at you stuffed me in a dumbwaiter. That's right. We did. We put you in a dumbwaiter.

In a masterful display of bullying. I'm just going to need some explaining to me. A dumbwaiter is not a slow, retarded person who serves you food. I thought that was some sort of homophobic hate crime. It is a, it's like a mini elevator the dumb waiter

is like a there has to be an English term oh I know yeah yeah yeah and you kind of I think dumb waiter is the English term

I've just spilt tea over your new house oh that's the worst sorry mate sorry I thought you blokes had had tea before when you

I just wanted to live up to expectations there's coffee now as well yeah great let's move on I want to go back to the fact that dumbwaiter is a term that you don't have in Britain. I think we probably do have it, but I'm not aware of it.

But I know what you mean now. Transporting food up to another. You can fit a meal or a small human person. But it's an odd, you'd have thought that it would have evolved in these politically correct times, Not to be called a dumb waiter It probably has That's why you haven't heard it It's evolved everywhere else in the world

But we're real backwards here It's called a learning challenge Pulley system now But it's closely related To a lazy Susan And a dumb waiter Are very close That is interesting as well

Because the lazy Susan Is just spinning Yeah And the dumb waiter Just goes up and down Yeah Right right right Can't come to your table

Yeah Russell so you're here On tour at the moment Yes And Harley is your Big support act Absolutely In Australia and New Zealand

In every sense yeah Now Your These shows that you're Doing at the moment Yeah They went on sale Two years ago

That's right yeah Two years ago Now we noticed this Two years ago Is this some sort of A misprint or Yeah yeah yeah Like it got to the stage where a year ago,

like we were now a year anniversary of it going on sale and still a year to go. And I was so fascinated with the idea of I wanted to go down to the venue where the show was just to see if someone got it a year off. We did. Like at the Albert Hall. Yeah. Yeah, so they went on sale.

So we did ten nights there and people turned up every single night and they were kind of, what the fuck's going on? A year ago? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. And they were just kind of like, well, can we get,

because they've got hotels and flights and all that kind of stuff. And you're like, yeah, no, it's kind of weird. That's great. They're hitting you up for refunds because they can't read

a ticket properly. This is it, yeah. That's great. I can explain why it went on sale two years in events though. It's very hard to lock me in. Yeah. I'm very busy. Well, that was it went on sale two years in advance, though. It was very hard to lock me in. Yeah. I'm very busy.

Well, that was it. We very nearly got 2016, and the email came in that Breen won't do it. That was it. Yeah. But speaking of Albert Hall… Breen's not clean, I believe it was. You were going through that. Breen's not clean.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. It was a rough period in 2016. Did you know that you're in the company of a Guinness World Record holder? Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Albert Hall, he is the longest consecutive night.

The most people that have turned up wanting their money back from a year too early. Exactly. The most disgruntled. Longest to run up to a gig. Do you know what? I probably have got that. Yeah. Something funny happened on the way to the gig a year and a half ago.

Is it, when you decide your tour dates, is it sort of like the Olympics Where they sort of pluck the name out of the hat and go Right, in four years time It's Greek Easter The winner is Sydney Yeah, well, you know, I do think that's interesting To put something on sale, you know, that far in advance Because you're sort of really

Time stamping yourself You don't know what could happen in that amount of time. It's a long time to have something locked in. You could get off at another free flight

around Uluru and decide that you have to take it up. This is it, man. The main reason we did it is because it was the last series of Good News

and then I was travelling around America for three months with my mum and I had loads of stuff to do in America. So it was basically a way of saying, right, let's put the tickets on sale whilst I'm on telly.

So that was the cynical reason for it. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Completely, yeah. It's a shit hard terrain. But you want to go, I just wanted a year of space to understand myself. I just had loads of stuff to do. Well, the real cynical part of me is like, you know,

you get asked to do a gig in town that you just don't want to do and the person like won't stop hitting you up and you're like yeah yeah oh yeah mate december's good i'm sort of busy until then and you sort of book it in and go yeah future me can worry about that and not have to really think about it yeah i'll pull out of this before then and then it comes up oh no now i've got to fucking actually go do it oh no that's i mean oh i love i love gigging man it's been amazing but also we were doing we did gigs in like Finland and you know all across

Scandinavia and America it's been fucking great and now this is the final bit so we've got 14 more gigs and then the show will never be so

wow and this is the best bit because brains on it because brains on it yeah yeah it just changes the whole dynamic it really does it's quite nice to have like

like because we haven't had a support only in England we had like my mate Steve Hall and Steve Williams did it. Oh yeah, we know Steve Hall. Oh do you?

Yeah, he's a good guy. And he, so they did it. And then in Europe, we had a different person every night who very often were performing stand-up in their second language. Oh wow. Which is kind of mad

and they were really nervous and so it's that odd thing of seeing somebody, seeing a comic with their notes all written out and you're like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. And they're like, I'm learning it.

Like that. In English. Yeah, I'm learning it. Like that. So they were just doing it. Yeah, it was so weird. But did they forget one of their own jokes in the opening three minutes in front of a couple of thousand people? They didn't, Harley.

Harley did that. And what the best thing about... Well, to be fair, he's using another language he's not familiar with either. Yeah. But mate, honestly, like, where was it?

It was Christchurch where Harley had this bit about going on a cannabis march. And I thought he was, I thought, bloody, that's really good. He's becoming the role of the kind of slightly foggy, stoned guy.

But it turns out, he's just a fuckwit and he'd forgotten his stone. I was like, you're really in the moment in that. You're really... And then, I said said fucking hell

did you forget that or were you being the stone and you're like no I forgot it and then they did it the next night again

I forgot a different thing you forgot the city I forgot the name Auckland you turned up a year late is that why these gigs were booked so far

in advance to give you time to fucking learn your shit it's so horrible when that happens you time to fucking learn your shit? It's so horrible when that happens. You know when your brain won't summon that word? I remember having it years ago.

We did a radio show when I was 17, me and my friend Sam. And we had this feature that we were going to do where we got the hottest girl in the school to kind of basically do a little jingle with us or something like that. And through some miracle, I managed to kind of get her number. And then I kind of called her up. She was ann and i was and i was like proper i was shaking she was so kind of hot and i was like you're right yeah great so it's just gonna be a little silly thing is that right she's like yeah it's fine it's fine and all i had to do was yeah i'll see you at break time and i fucking couldn't remember the word you know that thing i was like oh um you know you eat sort of a sandwich or crisps and there's that bit and there's just before it's like not learning but you're it's like the rest from learning

genuinely she's like do you mean break time that's the one see you then well you're just screaming at yourself like i remember looking at my my dog our dog at the time bonnie was watching me and you know when you sort of had that moment and it looked like the dog was going, you fucking idiot. There's a real opportunity there. Your lack of lyrical dexterity. It happened to me a little bit on stage, but the very first time it happened to me

was in 2007 in Alice Springs as I was about to introduce you on stage. Oh, God. I was the host. I'd brought everybody else on and Russell Howard was the big international guest. I was excited. We'd just become friends.

I want to introduce him to the audience in Alice Springs. I went, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to stage and just had a complete blank. And they're already clapping and cheering. And I just kept pointing and waiting for my brain to start and went, Russell Howard, like so quick. Did it arrive? Yeah. Have you ever done it when you've forgotten though?

Yes. I was with a friend of the show, Joel Creasy, in Asian Roadshow. We were in Singapore or something and I did the same thing. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage. And then I walked to the side of the stage and the stage manager was sitting there and I yelled at him. I went, what's his name? He went, what?

And I went, say it. Say his name. And he went, Joel. And I went, thank you. And walked back over and went, what's his name? He went, what? And I went, say it! Say his name! And he went, Joel, and I went, thank you, and walked back over and went, Joel Kizzee! This episode is a great resume for you. You're going to get a lot of bookings off the back of this, I reckon. What happens to you when you tour? It's never in Melbourne.

As soon as you leave this postcode, your brain doesn't work anymore. That's about correct. I don't know what goes on. One of my big memories of that trip was it was the first time that I ever met friend of the show, Fiona O'Loughlin. Same here. Yeah.

She came along to our show and then we went and- And this is in Alice Springs, is it? This is in Alice Springs where, yeah, she was living at the time and we, yeah, we went and had drinks at their house afterwards. Hang on, hang on. What? What? You went and had drinks with Fiona O'Loughlin?

No. Hmm. What? Sounds weird. It was a different time, mate. Right. But I recently, I was overseas and I caught up with, I happened to see on Facebook that Tess O'Loughlin,

one of Fiona's daughters, was over there. And I caught up with her and had drinks and I was just like reminiscing and like, oh, you remember the first time I met your mum? It was, yeah, we ended up at the house after the gig and we were drinking. It was like a lot of fun and sort of kicked onto all hours. And she goes, yeah, I remember that. I was fucking trying to sleep.

Oh, yeah, and she came out, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of the kids were there going, mum, what's happening? She's like, it's just some show business friends. We're all just having a good time. Do you remember what happened to Fiona's son that night? The oldest one. Yeah, Henry went back into town.

That's right. And he got attacked by some... Some guy went to attack him with a machete. Yeah. And then a taxi driver came along and hit that guy. And the way... Hit the guy that tried to attack him. And the way Henry told us over breakfast,

so dryly was, you can always rely on a racist to get you out of trouble like that and it was just like it was just mind blowing to me and I just thought tomorrow we're going to stay

in the hotel and not visit a rock if that's the kind of stuff that's going on in the streets what's it going to be like out in the desert that's what I thought yeah yeah

what I like is that with you guys telling this stuff, immediately I'm going, oh, you guys were all on the same leg of Roadshow and you've ended up doing this and selling at stadiums, having your own TV show

around the world. You fucking idiots. Look how far he's gone. Look where you guys are. But then I've realised, oh, hang on, I couldn't even get on that Roadshow. Well, Russell,

just to bring you up to speed, so that was 10 years ago. Since then, I mean... Yeah, what's been happening? I did great at those gigs. Yeah, you did. I'm the first person they call every year so much roadshow yeah i had to cancel a leg of it today to come and do this episode now i've never been invited back so well

that's bullshit you prove that you can get inside a dumb waiter they don't even have to get yeah they don't have to get a seat for you they just put you in the top bit you know on a plane even if i don't do well at the gigs i bring mirth to everyone else who's around that's right you know i put myself on the line for the enjoyment of others but is that not very often the way it seems that i'm always slightly baffled by um the people that don't get gigs we've discussed this many times yeah yeah always like i wasn't really aware because i was just i was not as young as you but i was 27 first time i came out and it was just like i was doing tv stuff in england it was like oh yeah there's there's a TV gig here. Great, I'm doing that and I'm doing Rove.

Yeah, brilliant. And I sort of didn't realise how fucking annoying that would be to everyone else that you've just rocked up and just gone,

yeah, I'll do this. And then everyone else is going, well, I'm kind of an expert here and I could kind of fucking do it.

So why have they thrown this prick over? So yeah, I feel your pain. If you're fascinated by people not getting gigs, you've got two incredible case studies right here

to have a good old gurns at. However, I feel your pain. If you're fascinated by people not getting gigs, you've got two incredible case studies right here to have a good old gurns at. However, sorry it took me so long to get around to this, big congratulations on your Montreal. Yeah, that's pretty amazing. And we kind of can't really play this angle anymore now that we've been invited to that. It's the best as well. It's a really great festival because you just get to see,

like last year I saw CK and Chappelle like just doing like little warm up gigs amazing it's really great and I saw Patton Oswalt do either last year or the year before he did a podcast

as well they're quite big on that they do them in the hotel is that what you're doing yours yeah it'll be amazing

we're in a hotel conference room at midday yeah it's cool man who've you got great questions okay you gonna be near there or I'm not man I'm not but I'm trying to think who's doing it at midday. Yeah, it's cool, man. Who have you got? Great question. Okay.

Are you going to be near there or? I'm not, man. I'm not. I'm trying to think who's doing it from England. Well, it's funny because Russ said to me, do I need to do any preparation for this podcast that we're doing? I'm like, let me try to explain Dum Dum to you. Basically, it's run by a couple of dickheads.

All their fans are fat and Tommy's mum pays for everything. So that is pretty much. No, I thought maybe you'd had a little bit of an inkling into our fans already because I noticed on Twitter this week you put out a tweet that said, if you live in Australia, you can catch me on tonight's episode of The Project on Channel 10. Now, one of our mutual fans has obviously seen that and replied, at Russell Howard at Channel 10, get this can't on at Dum Dum Club.

Nice. That's a very nice... And here I am. You asked nicely. I did see that and thought, if we get a call at the last minute saying the interview's off, I'll totally understand. I don't know.

That was the thing that swung it for me. I've never been invited with that level of grace. That's how the queen addresses all her telegrams now. You made it to 100, cunt. Now when are you doing dumb, Dom? Why won't those guys get the recognition

they deserve? He can fit in a fucking lazy suit. She would know what a dumbwait is well this should be a tv show like what can what can tommy not fit in yeah and we sort of travel you around um australia and then we sort of branch out to different nations we see what we can get you in what we can't oh yeah so we so then it's like later seasons we're going to new countries where they've got brand new things that i've never even heard and we Brand new small things. And we shove you in the water or not. It'd be really great.

Imagine that half an hour round. No, it's not going to fit into this thimble. Sardelli's a great place. I want to know, at what point does the show jump the shark? Like, when do the fans start turning on you? Episode one. Episode one, we start in mid-air over the shark. On Dumb Way to Roadshow.

Well, so the project, I do a little bit of work on the project. So when you were on, I was doing a bit of behind-the-scenes writing stuff. Yeah, I do some writing. Oh, great. Yeah. Now, part of the job, though, when you work there, is to go through the social media as well, is to go through messages that have been sent directly to the Facebook page.

So when you were there I was getting a lot of messages going, oh, when's Russell going to be in the studio? You know, I want to come and see him live and can I get tickets and stuff? So you get quite a lot of that.

If there's a bit of advertising or the big name people want to get in there and get their free ticket to see him live in the studio. So that same day I get a message through the social media

that says from a teenage girl called Maddie Hi! I saw that Lorde is on the show next week. My friend and I I get a message through the social media that says, from a teenage girl called Maddie, Hi, I saw that Lorde is on the show next week. My friend and I are her number one Melbourne fans and are flying to Sydney to see her later in the week. And we were wondering if she's going to be live on the panel and if we can please, please, please get tickets to see her.

So my job is to respond to this. And so I put, Hi, Maddie. Unfortunately, she's not actually live in the studio. Apologies. Her response, suck my ass. Wow. So that's the sort of,

I'm copying that blend of abuse. Hang on, hang on. Is there a question mark on the end of that? No, no, no. Exclamation. I don't know whether

that was her being angry or was a second option. You're not up with that. I mean, you're not up with that. Come on, come to the studio or suck my ass. Suck my ass.

She sent me a lovely offer And you've completely Misinterpreted that There's probably some Young maiden with her ass Swinging in the breeze Waiting for it to be sucked You're not exactly up

With current music That could just be One of Lorde's songs Oh right She's saying she's a huge fan Maybe that was a YouTube link To a new music video Or something

Right I saw Lorde at Coachella She does a lot of In between banter oh is she funny or not oh no no you know when you

sort of I don't know if you saw when you like Miley Cyrus did the Manchester concert it's just the in between song banter fuck me gently

makes you realise how good we are guys yeah yeah it really does there is people that can't remember our own jokes we're still better than that

it does it yeah it is amazing like when you can be that level of famous as a musician. No one's tapping you on the shoulder and going, just give this a rest in between the songs. Absolutely. You know who should do that is someone senior in that industry that's good at it.

So, for instance, Adele, who is impeccable. Whatever. Oh, he's done it again. I've done it again. Is this one of your people names? Impeccable? His name is Joel Creasy. Impeccable. Impeccable. Whatever. Oh, he's done it again. I've done it again. Is this one of your people's names? Impeccable? His name is Joel Creasy. Impeccable.

Impeccable. At it. Right. If you've seen her live, it's brilliant. She should tap Lorde on the shoulder and go, listen, love, you're not any good at that. Yeah. Step out.

Yeah, there are funny musos. There are non-funny musos. Oh, yeah. We did an episode of this with Scott Alckerman, and we were having an off-air conversation. We are both big Elvis Costello fans, and so we were talking about that, and he had Nick Lowe,

who was another musician of the time. He had Nick Lowe on the show, and he said, oh, man, he was the funniest. He was great. And then we both said, yeah, what about Elvis? And then we both said at the same time, no, he's not funny. He thinks he's funny, not funny.

All right. Does all the banter in between songs. He's got all the hallmarks of thinking he's a very funny man without any of the funniness what if you did the reverse of it as a comic so it's like musicians trying to you know be funny for 30 seconds in between a song so you get to the end of a routine and then you just bring out a ukulele for 30 seconds mate there's plenty of musical comedians that were not funny as well yeah oh although what we'd say when it when they get it right

like Rufus Winer it's very funny between songs is he? yeah yeah that surprises me yeah so it's kind of things he'll sort of

depending on I think he's great so you'd sort of see him sing a really beautiful song and then tell a really funny little story and you're like fucking hell this is good

do you know what I mean it's like it's total entertainment it makes you kind of go oh god I need to write some songs what about John Mayer isn't he Isn't he, doesn't he do like stand up

at the comedy cell in New York? Oh yeah, that's right. He was for a bit but I don't think he is anymore. Didn't he do like, he did a gig with like Chris Rock and Chappelle.

Yeah. I think all three of them went on stage. Yeah, yeah. I think he did Roadshow as well. Well, that's so easy to get on.

You're not putting me in that. I remember the one time I've been in a gym There being a Matchbox 20 DVD playing And what's the guy's name? Rob Thomas? Yes His between song banter would go for like seven minutes And it's literally like he's doing a routine But you know he's famous enough that he thinks That everything he's ever done is interesting

So it's just a story about him Oh the time I had to walk down to the shops and get something for myself and then we'd just get to the end and everyone in the crowd's just going, what the fuck's this? Everyone's going, I can't believe I'm saying this, but play more Music Matchbox 20. Hey, guys, just sliding on into the middle of this episode to let you know that this week we have been brought to you

by comedian Rhys Darby doing his new show, Mystic Timebird, all around Australia. Carl, what are those dates? He is touring all around our fine nation. He's going to be in Sydney on Friday, 18th of August. He's going to be in Brisbane. Wow, and they love their comedy up there in Brisbane. Sunday, 20th of August, then down to our in Brisbane. Wow. And they love their comedy up there in Brisbane. Sunday,

20th of August, then down to our comedy city, I call it, Melbourne. The comedy capital of Australia. Where we are. Monday, the 21st of August, then over in the opposite of Ticket Buying Central, Adelaide. Good luck with that one Rhys Wednesday 23rd of August And then over to the fine folk That we will hopefully be heading over Towards the end of the year Perth Friday 25th of August

So he is going all the way around What are you laughing at? It's just the most narcissistic plug Like relating all of his dates Back to stuff that we're doing It's just so when people listen to it And they go What the fuck is Perth?

Oh the place Dum Dum are going to in November or December or something. Sweet. Now we know what that is. We didn't know. But, wow, Reece Dubby. And you know what? Because he's touring all around the place, what we would love to do is get him on the pod.

So, yeah, go and get your tickets. The more you buy tickets and hit him up on social media, maybe there's a bigger chance of him doing a show. We'd love to. We're a fan of his work, of course. If you don't know him that well, he was the manager on Flight of the Conchords, wasn't he? Yep.

He's in Yes Man with Jim Carrey. Yeah. He's very funny in that. What a fine body of work he's got. He was on Who's Line Is It Anyway Australia? Yes. Weird inclusion, given that he's not Australian. I was about to say technically not Australian, but he's not Australian by any measure.

Yet still, he snuck in there. He was on the Australian show. That's something. He's close enough. He's, you know, just over the river. No? Well, I mean, it's called Whose Line Is It Anyway Australia. Whose fucking nationality is it anyway, if you ask me?

Why not get Crowded House in the cast? Why not get Russell Crowe in the cast? That's right. The people that are paying for us to advertise the show, we are saying he shouldn't have been on a TV show. That's what's happening in this ad. No, I'm not levelling this at him. I'm levelling this at the producers of Whose Line Is It Anyway,

who we have no affiliation with. The people that could potentially give you a right work in the future. I don't think that's going to happen. Why not? Fuck, well well not anymore. But yeah, go check out Rhys Darby. I have seen him do stand-up before, many years ago in Edinburgh,

Klang, and it was awesome. He's real good. Really, really good. And I hope all you guys are really taking this information in and appreciating the Trojan horse nature of this ad, where we've kind of just wedged it in the middle and given you no chance to skip it. So –

Yeah, fuck you. Go on. Go on. We're getting – this is how we get our money. So go on. We advertise only the best possible products including Mr. Rhys Darby. So we wholeheartedly recommend that you go and see him. And like I said, we'll be busting our little balls to get him on our show because I think

he'd be particularly good at this. Yeah, he'd be great. He'd get it. Yeah. Yeah. That guy. All right. Is that all we need to show because I think he'd be particularly good at this. Yeah, he'd be great. He'd get it. Yeah, that guy. All right. Is that all we need to say?

I think so. So please go to abpresents.com.au for all those tickets to find folk that are in conjunction with the Just for Laughs Festival of which we are going to be part of very, very soon in Sydney. So please look up abpresents.com.au and at the same time have a look at littledunlunclub.com because if you're buying tickets in Sydney, you might want to buy tickets to our big show. All right.

Enjoy the rest of the episode. Now you were saying we got short sidelined there for a second Guinness Book of Records holder for what? I did 10 Nights at the Albert Hall

Oh right And who was the last person you may have heard of this person that held that record? I beat two of them in one night Oh two? Yeah

Barry Manilow and Frank Sinatra Oh They both went down Brilliant Again are they funny though? This is what I said, yeah. No, Manolo was livid. Well, Sinatra,

I thought he was in the mold, but that was pretty funny. And it was in the paper, it was old blue eyes beaten by young wonky eyes. That's not true. This brief moment of kind of, oh, that's pretty cool,

and everyone's like, he's got a genetic defect though, so let's not let him get above his station well you know he punched in the gut I know yeah yeah

I have an odd looking yeah you're right I reckon literally two months ago we did an episode of this and we had the same set up it was like do you know

we've got a guest that's got a Guinness Book of World Records holder right here and it was Luke Heggy going I had a leg hair that was that long once so slightly different

slightly different records. And how did he, what, it just, was he actually in the record for? He got, well, that was the initial pitch.

He said he was the record holder, but then it turns out he wasn't at all. He got those, he went. Doesn't surprise me. Yeah, he had, he reckoned he was going to have the record,

so he was going to get the person that, you have to pay the person to come around. Yeah, it's kind of weird, this authentication guy. Yeah, yeah, but then he was like,

oh, it's 200 bucks, I can't be bothered. Well, that means you're not... He just one day noticed you had this really long flowing hair just coming out. Yeah, I think it wasn't something like, he woke up one morning, it was like a leg hair and it had just fallen out. And he's like, oh, well, that's the end of that. Yeah, yeah, right. To put this guy in context too, he's a brilliant, dry Australian comic,

but he also spent a whole year recording his own farts and then put them together into songs and released an album. Nice. And I said to him, do you know that you can just get an app that makes fart sounds? And he went, yeah, but they're not my farts, are they? Yeah, exactly. Is it a bit like when you smell your own fart, you really like it?

Is it a similar thing? When you hear own fart you really like it is it a similar thing when you hear it you're like that's me well if he's using other people if he's using other people he's basically a cover actor isn't he that's right

he's an original artist what's the banter like between the farts that's what I want to know everything that he does after each one he just shits himself it's a really good

oh fuck I can't perform live Steve Hall can do that he can make himself fart at will like as in on his own it's a really good oh fuck I can't perform live Steve Steve Hall can do that he can make himself fart at will like as in on his own

not at our future king is he real Mr Meathay yeah but he can genuinely sort of like you know guff

and it's hideous yeah but it's it smells like Rotorua in the scene it's that kind of crazy sulfur

but he can fart the national anthem that was his thing that's impressive and his daughter I think is three and I reckon she's about a year away from having It's that kind of crazy, sulfuric, but he can fart the National Anthem. That was his thing. That's impressive. And his daughter, I think, is three,

and I reckon she's about a year away from having her mind blown by sort of seeing her dad do that. And then maybe three years after that, it becomes really embarrassing. And then three years later, he's back in golf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three years,

do you know what I mean? It's a bit like, kind of like, it's a three year cycle of embarrassment. Yeah. And glory. Exactly. Every three years, it's the worst, and every three years of like... It's a three-year cycle of embarrassment and glory. Exactly.

Every three years, it's the worst. And every three years, like when he's 60, he'll be doing it and his daughters will be laughing. Yeah. Well, we got... We were at your place at the moment, Harley. Oh, what's a place? Let's not fuck about. It's lovely, isn't it?

Very nice. I really like the flooring. That's my number one feature. How about you guys? Yeah, well, I like the greeting we got because we went out the back. There's a chicken coop out the back with your son Leonard

you had locked him in or he had locked himself in he locked himself in the chicken coop yeah and we the first we walked out the back and said hello and the first thing he said to us was what are you doing here and we're like oh good question we talked to him we said what's the name of the chickens when he said oh this and this

and this but then he goes yeah this. Jenny and Horace. And then he goes, yeah. He goes, Jenny and Horace. He goes, yeah. But anyway, but seriously, what are you doing here? Well, he wasn't expecting you to hear. He was expecting Russ and Kay. Right.

Kumar is Russell's tour manager. And so you guys were right out of left field for him. Right. And he had a tough night. I mean, we went for food yesterday at an amazing restaurant called Tokyo Tina's which was sensational and I thought I was getting on very well

I was making Leonard laugh and then we played Hangman and I won and I made him cry and he did get quite upset I felt awful man I genuinely you know when you kind of go

because I thought oh god I'm being funny here I'm being listen to how much of a whore I am I'm generally going I'm making this kid laugh I was about to stop it because I could see

what was happening in him you couldn't because he was still doing this is the sneakiness about my boy he was still doing the giggling along with your ribbing

and I was like he is one rib away from crying and I didn't see any of this and I'm like I'll let him go yeah and I was sort of

deliberately playing the villain so I kind of beat him at hangman and then lifted up a big bottle of water and kissed it like it was the World Cup because I thought

it was all funny and just went I can't be beaten and then he started crying and I felt like shit like honestly I was saying to Kay

on the way I couldn't sleep I was like fuck because the last time I met him he was we'd gotten so well

and he was three and I told him that if I touched my nose i could run through walls and then basically touched my nose ran into walls and didn't get through it and he found that hilarious yeah and he said to me halfway through the meal yesterday he goes why did you do that uh nose thing and i and i genuinely i didn't know i don't know how you talked to a seven and i honestly said oh it was a different me. Like, in this sort of desperate attempt to go,

you know, you go through phases. Every three years, that's kind of through the walls. Funny. Come back when he's 10, you'll get him back.

When you do your 2020 tour, which I believe is going to be on sale tomorrow, you'll be able to come back and deal with that bit. He was so bad, though. He's all right, though, isn't he?

He's fine, good. He's bounced back. Oh, yeah, he locked himself in a chicken coop, but he's fine. But that's's bounced back. Oh yeah, he locked himself in a chicken coop but he's fine. But that's what he had to escape from me. The last time I saw him was on my birthday two or three years ago

where he gave me a massage. That's right. That kid has tender hands. That was great. And I still have the picture of that as well. He gave me a massage last night as well. He loves it. As I went to the toilet,

he said, do you want a massage? And I kind of went, I said, I'm fine. He went, go on. This sounds like the episode we did back in Thailand. Fuck me, talking of that, right.

Let me explain this. Oh, Thailand talk. I'm sitting up. I was telling you about it. It's like a friend of mine saw what I believe to be the worst hotel instruction. It actually was in Cambodia. And it said, please don't have sex with children

and it's one of those where you don't need to please do you know what I mean like do you know what I mean who's complained about hey hey hey

don't tell me what to do actually you've been pretty pleasant as a favour to us just you know it was awful but it's the idea that somebody's had to

write that you know it's just say that please and pop it somewhere else yeah who saw that song without the please and went

well where are your manners? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For pity's sake. We're talking about children here. Yeah, yeah. Put your manners back in. And your cock. Russell, you're big now.

You did an interview in the paper a couple of weeks ago that came out, and what I was fascinated with was that it was in the Herald Sun, it was in the Hit magazine, it was all about you coming out, and the whole thing, I loved it, the whole thing you sidetracked it, it was all about Liverpool Football Club, which is very close to my heart. Yes. But I did read that and thought, I'd better do a bit of research here because in a few weeks, a few months or whatever,

Harley said he's going to get his mate on the podcast, this will be great, I'll learn about this. And then the whole thing was just inside football, inside Liverpool, and I was laughing because you have come dressed up I have come dressed up I've got the shirt on

I've got the hat on I've just made sure I've got my credentials on I did read that that you're a big Liverpool supporter and then I picked Carl up from his house

and saw him wearing the full regalia and went yep someone's looked on the Wikipedia but in fact I'm going to get something here

that's going to blow your mind it's a picture of me at Anfield that I've sent to the something here that's going to blow your mind. It's a picture of me at Anfield. The only thing that's going to blow is a curl. Anfield's the home ground of Liverpool Football Club. That's right, yeah. And there it is. That's me scoring a penalty.

If you notice where my foot is, that's what's known as a Rabona kick. Oh, yeah, the kick behind your leg. You kind of go like that, yeah. Oh, wow. Can I have a closer look? Absolutely, of course you can. Why did you take the piss like that? What happened?

Because sometimes you have ice in your veins and you know what the correct thing to do is in life. And you think, if you're... And nothing about that photo has let me down except for my tongue, if you notice, which is just popping out to try and get me through those. You were looking a bit Lucas Levi there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the look, yeah.

Where is this image from? What was the game? It was a charity game. It was actually for one of the Hillsborough Memorial Games. So it was a big charity game where kind of, you know, ex-pros and celebs play. And I came on at halftime to take a penalty with a bunch of us. Who did you replace?

I didn't replace anyone. It was like a penalty competition. I thought I was going to play, but I wasn't deemed good enough, which broke my fucking heart. And I literally was watching the game in a full football kit. So it's just that weird thing being in the stand

like just the fucking maddest supporter of just go, any second now, it ain't going to happen, Dave. Any moment. Who got in front of you? Who was better than your football name? Well, exactly. A lot of the ex-pros were shit.

That's what killed me. John Aldridge. I'm better at football than him now. Right. He's like 57 or something. Completely. Yeah. Steve McMahon.

In his heyday, I'm sure he was good. But yeah. It was a river of shit. I was just... And then I came on and I thought, well, I'm going to leave my mark in some way. Yeah. Did you score that goal?

Yeah. Brilliant. Who passed? Who was the keeper? Well, this is the interesting story. It was a mascot dressed as a dragon. Hang on. This is starting to make sense why you decided to take it like that.

The great thing about that photo, nobody sees who the penalty was against. It's that. Yeah. It's literally a 16-year-old kid dressed up as a dragon. But to be fair... And they do have a tail, and that makes it hard to score a goal. That's true, yeah. Yeah. It's a dragon. It's a 16-year-old kid dressed up as a dragon. But to be fair, they do have a tail, and that makes it hard to score a goal. That's true. Yeah, yeah.

And they can still save it. If you drive it up the middle and it just hits them and bounces off, now that would be the true tragedy. Yeah, that would have been awful. But it was that weird moment of sort of, like, I've done quite big gigs. Hang on, I've just realised I've said, that would be the true tragedy about the Hillsborough

if I'd done a few gigs. But it's that thing of being in front of that many people. How many? I don't know how many people are in the cop, but it feels like,

I want to say probably about 20,000. And my arse went completely, like properly, sort of that thing of walking onto Anfield. You suddenly just go, oh my God.

And it's real insight into why they sometimes freeze up. Because it's one of the few jobs where they're doing their job, people are allowed to sing songs about them. Like if you think about it, they're allowed to sort of just go,

do you fuck your wife up the ass, you cunt? And you can't just get them on my job. Do you know what I mean? Like it's a real window into, oh my God. Another one of the jobs is at our live shows. We tend to get that a bit as well. Do you? What, you've had songs sung at you?

Not songs, but let's not put that idea into people's heads. Too late. This is going to be a big deal. We do. Well, you know, the tweet that you got, the abusive tweet that you got, it was generally just aimed at us instead of the guests, to be fair. I mean, you know, this is quite a hacky question, but given that you guys seem to operate in the crazier realms,

what's the oddest thing that you've had thrown at you? Dill Rourke with no clothes on. Like by listeners? Yeah, or an audience. Not your everyday life. I'm just sort of saying, but all your everyday life. I don't know if Harley's filled you in on this,

but we just recently went and did some shows in Thailand. We organised our own podcast festival in Koh Samui. Please don't throw children at the… So we organised shows over there and we had like 80 of our listeners come and stay at the same resort as us where we were doing these shows. And so it was regularly getting up to go to the breakfast buffet and our listeners being there wearing our merch.

And, yeah, you know, you've just woken up, you're getting some breakfast and there's someone there going, hey, dumb cunt, just in this nice resort. So, I mean, is that the sort of thing you were after? Does that answer your question? But it's fucking great though. That must have been cool. Yeah, no, it was great. But yeah, we do have a very weird relationship with the listeners where they

this is generally what happens. They get on the social media and just calls for everything and they literally just go, they've got a running joke where they hate our stand-up to start with yeah they'll just get on and go you're shit you're and i've done this twice this week already this this happens over and over where they'll just go you're shit you're shit and i'll go yeah fuck off and they go yeah yeah you you're still shit you're fucking hopeless i'm like seriously last warning they go you're a cunt and And I go, all right, block. And then about three hours later I'll get an email going,

well, you've taken that the wrong way. I'm like, no, I asked you to stop three times and then you kept saying you're fucked, you're fucking mentally disabled, you're no good at comedy, I hate you. And I've said I don't want to read that every day. And they keep doing it. Yeah, but then I get the begging email going oh well actually

you know I really love you guys and I can't believe you blocked your number one fan I'm like well you fucking didn't sound like a number one fan let's go back to Liverpool because that's

that's how this all started please who's your favourite footballer of all time of all time that plays for Liverpool well I will give you a big clue

by showing you my is it Gerrard the one tattoo that I have okay there's a 10 there. Is that a 10? Yeah. Yeah, so it's Coutinho.

No. And it's not a current... John Barnes. John Barnes. Yeah, yeah. Wonderful. I met John Barnes. He came on my show. Do you want to hear a beautiful story?

Please. So John Barnes... My favourite player of all time. So he won championships in the last times that Liverpool won the championships. Yeah, 89-90. Yeah, yeah. And the great team of 87-88. Yes.

Stuff like that. So, yeah, he's been gone for a while. Beautiful footballer. Lovely bloke. He's got three kids, I think all of whom are doctors. Very clever bloke. Yeah, he's amazing.

His kids are amazing. They came to the show. He was a guest on the show and we sort of chatted. How lovely is this? He gave me a little trophy that he had given to him from soccer AM, which is a show in England saying that he was like,

um, the number one nice guy in football. And he gave it to me, which kind of blew my mind. Cause like I say, he's kind of hero mind. And we sort of chat afterwards and he said, Oh,

is there any food going around? And I said, yeah, of course, um, grab a sandwich. Cause we had like sandwiches after the show and John Barnes, uh,

picked up the entire plate of sandwiches and left. And it was kind of this moment where you go um like but i couldn't feel like i could say john and everyone else came in the room though where the fuck's all the sandwiches like that and it was just my way john barnes out of my way like that he just took them home he took them all like and they were big There must have honestly been about 40 sandwiches there. He's clearly got money. He's three kids of doctors. Well, that's what I love about it. But it was the fact that I'd given him.

I said, yeah, have a couple of sandwiches. So I'd given him permission. But it was so brilliant the way he took it. And I still don't know whether it was a joke or whether it was. No, I've seen the size of him these days. That was not a joke. Yeah, it was amazing. I mean, that's how he can afford that good education for those kids

you know like that's lunch and dinner for weeks you know stockpiling but what a lovely fella as well and a mercurial left foot

that's not a fuck around the best he was amazing he was I used to he was my hero when I was a teenager growing up

and I used to play soccer outdoor and I would be I would try and be him I'd try and be a left winger I'd try and play the way he played and whatever down to the down to the way that I would be I would try and be him I'd try and be a left winger I'd try and play the way he played And whatever Down to the

Down to the way that I would watch footage of him playing In the middle of winter In England In gloves Yes And tights Yeah and tights

So I would start wearing gloves When I was playing under 16s Yeah But I would be playing In September And it would be 33 degrees And I would have gloves on and just continually

opposition players would be going what the fuck are you wearing gloves for and I'm like John Barnes and they're like

we don't know who that is do you know the rap the Anfield rap the one he did for we're singing for England for New Order

yeah for New Order yes because he came there's only one way to beat them yeah get round the back he did a rap rad dad for England. For New Order. Yeah, for New Order, yes. Because he came... There's only one way to beat them. Yeah, get round the back. He did a rap... Rad dad.

Rad dad. He did a rap for... That's another sign that they have in that hotel in Cambodia. Because I did meet John Barnes. I met John Barnes about two years ago.

He came to Melbourne. He's like, do you want a sandwich? Fucking stuffed it. You've got bread all over your face, Barnes. He's like, do you want a sandwich? Fucking stuffed it. You've got bread all over your face, Ponzi. He just got out of quarantine. So he did a speech, he did a talk and whatever. And it was funny because he is a nice guy and whatever,

but he just was antagonising the crowd. They just wanted to hear him say certain stories and go, you know what, I'm not going to talk about that. I'm going to talk about this and start talking about all these other issues in England and people were like, fucking hell, just tell us about how big John Aldridge's dick is or something. Do duck sandwich. Then at the end they were like, he was like,

do you want to hear me do the rapper for New Order? And everyone's like, yes. He goes, not going to do that one. I'm going to do this song instead and just sang this other song that no one else knew and everyone just walked out going. do that one. I'm going to do this song instead and just sang this other song that no one else knew and everyone just walked out going, brutal. Well, good player, I guess,

but not much of an orator. All right. Yeah. He sang a song on ours as well. I think it's because he gets PRS for him. He gets what? You know, like you get,

if you perform it live, you get like a little bit of money. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Not bad. You get an apathy in this country. You get an apathy from singing your own song. That's it, yeah.

And it's that weird thing I've got. I get royalties every year, I think for something like £1.52 for basically six songs that I've written on my TV show that are just sort of little odd songs. And it's that weird thing where you go, how the fuck does that work? So who are you getting that money from being played on TV? played from them being repeated and then you get a fee because they're

held as songs but if it were to be released as an album they'd be i'd argue the worst album songs you'd ever have because it's just these pointless fucking songs but it's really weird how it works hey it's really musical to be honest it's really weird how you get on tv to us but yeah that's the confusing bit because this feels a bit like Wayne's World but like Aussie style I like it that is the best that's basically

what it is they're dumber Wayne's World but what would you what would you like what TV shows would you like to be doing let's discuss this

how do we a reboot of The Wire oh nice yeah with you two as sort of slightly inept detectives

slightly that's a nice way of putting it. That's a good point, actually. Has that been done yet? Sort of a detective show with fucking awful detectives. Like True Detective, but it's just you two and you fuck it up. People keep dying. You're like, I don't know.

There was one in this country called Blue Heelers. Horrible detectives. I guess it's a little bit too close to real life. But I like the idea of that. Why don't you remake True Detective Just the pilot remake it Scene for scene with you two Just making the wrong decision every time This is literally what I'm working on at the moment

We talked about this a fair while ago But there's a show called 20 to 1 in Australia And what it is They pick the 20 weirdest things to happen You'll have a version of it in the UK It's a celebrity host And then a whole lot of celebrities commenting on – Yeah, talking heads commenting on the top 20 pop culture events of a subject each week.

Oh, okay. There's a different subject. Top 20 whatever, sex scenes in movies. Yes. And so they play clips of them and you have comedians and stuff. No, that would be too interesting. Yeah. It would be top 20 celebrity dogs.

Okay. Yes. Something terrible like that. And then they get in people who aren't particularly funny to talk about it and then, you know, it's a bit bland. It's a bit whatever. Yeah. I worked on it anyway.

So what I want to do is I want to make our version where we're the host and we call it 19 to 1. Yeah. Just to cover us legally. Yeah. Obviously. That could never go to court. Yeah.

But then just go our level of stuff. So it's just top 20 dumbest cunts of all time. Great. Top 20 shit out of... Top 19. Top 19. Sorry. Fuck, that was close.

Thank you. Thank you, Perry Mason. So top 20 worst fans of all time. Top 19. Fucking idiot. Fucking idiot. Sweet Jesus. Yeah. Okay, put this glove

on. We're going to have to put it on an autocue. We're going to top 2019. Can we get that zero on that tattoo change to a nine? Yeah, I like that. And how is that going to get made? But yeah, so if we're going to...

No, it's these two. It's not getting made. You know what? Someone will hear it and they'll make it with you and me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they won't hear it. That Top 18 show is brilliant, isn't it? We've had to double steal the idea.

Yeah, because if I get it on, I'd be mistakenly saying 19 all the time. Yes. We do it. We do it. Except on something like 20 to 1, it's all a bit too nice. It's not funny enough. It's just, you know, people just saying,

he was the biggest thing in the 80s and that would be about it. We get on there. Top 20, top 19, dumbest council of all time. It's not going to know who number one with a bullet is going to be. Yeah. I corrected myself. I'm learning. Go on, go on.

I'm getting there. That's right. And then we get people that are actually going to get stuck in boots first into someone instead of just saying normal stuff. We get Harley Breen. We get Lawrence Mooney. We get Fiona O'Loughlin. We get Joel Creasy.

We get Russell Howard. Yes. What's our first? Let's come up with a topic now. We're getting in two years time. Let's have a little pilot. Top 19 dumbest cunts of all time. Okay.

I think that's an easy one. We're really jumping in feet first, aren't we? That's got to be episode number one for the little dumb dumb c pilot top 19 dumbest cunts of all time we're really jumping in feet first aren't we that's got to be episode number one for the little dumb dumb cunts top 19

biggest dumb cunts of all time exactly straight away we've all seen the grainy footage of that guy the fuck

the chicken in the cave not sure we have talk us through that well years ago there's a picture that was quite famous in the mid 90s

and there was a guy that was discovered he died a mid-90s, and there was a guy that was discovered. He died, a rock fell on him, and he had his penis inside a chicken, and he died. Yeah, he got the Darwin Award. Yes, that's right. I do remember that story. Yeah, yeah, so you put him right up there.

And from, you know, to... I mean, we now know why the chicken was crossing the road. It was to get away from him trying to fuck him. But if you're going to take a chicken out for a walk, why go in a cave? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if you're going to fuck it, fuck it in your own house. Yeah, don't go into a cave.

Exactly. Rocks could fall on you. Rocks, there could be goblins there, bears. You're opening yourself up to all kind of man of trouble. But it must have been a sensational moment when they kind of went in there and found that and somebody took that photo. But he must have thought in that moment

as the rock landed on his back and he, I mean, presumably it's probably not the worst way of dying because he must have had that final thrust. And he thought,

I die, but at least this is, it can't get worse than this. Do you know what I mean? I fucked a chicken, a rock's come in, there's a real thrust at the end, done.

And yet, for the rest of, it doesn't matter chicken, a rock's come in, there's a real thrust at the end, done. And yet, for the rest of, it doesn't matter what he did up to that moment, he's always known as the cave chicken fucker. He probably made some amazing discoveries that no one's bothered looking into his notebooks because they're like, no, the chicken fucker guy. He can't have done anything productive. Completely, yeah.

And maybe all he was doing was just a brief break. He was like, fucking hell, I'm so close to the cure for cancer. And I think if somebody looked at my research, they'd definitely get there. I'm going to take ten minutes off to fuck Barry. Yeah, I've earned this. But not here, I'm going to go for a bit of a cave,

because I like stalactites and chicken arse. Hey, so he may not have gone down in history as being the guy that cured cancer, but he did make the first ever episode of 19 to 1. Yeah, so I put him in. So that's my suggestion. How about you guys? Well, I was thinking more celebrity, you know,

because you're looking for, you know, big targets. Well, he's a celebrity now. He fucked a chicken in the cave. Yeah, but we still don't know his name. He's not a celebrity though. That's true. Is he? Yes.

You're trying to think of – but, I mean, that's a good point. I didn't think of that because that gets around it legally because I'm thinking, oh, yeah, I'll just go and slag off famous people. You know, I'm obviously not the proper person to be thinking about how this should be working considering I can't even get the name of the fucking show right. I have a nominee. The guy who was kind of behind the Let's Get Coney video

who then went mental and started jacking off in public. Right. Ran down the street in the nude. I've got to put out a previous PM of this country, Tony Abbott, for simply eating an onion raw on national television. Wow. He toured an onion farm and the farmer, who you presume was a bit of an Abbott supporter

because he was happy to see him and a lot of people at that time weren't happy to see him. He's like, oh, this is what we've been growling out of the field, hands him an onion. Yeah. He didn't even peel it. I don't know what's odder, that it's raw or unpeeled, but he just, our Prime Minister went in, bites it,

doesn't wince either, looks at the guy and goes, no, that's a good onion, and then moves on. Do you think he's done that before? Well, he did it again two weeks later. Yeah, it was awful. Have you seen that footage when he's going to that orphanage? You fucking crazy cunt. He has to bite stuff.

Someone from Cambodia just holds a sign up. He's awful. Have you seen that footage when he's going to that orphanage? Like, you fucking crazy cunt. He has to bite stuff. That's his thing. Someone from Cambodia just holds a sign up. Don't eat the baby ever. That's fucking mad. Yeah. Because how would you, like, know that you can't even decipher

what's a good or a bad, because onions, when you eat them raw, make you go... They're rough. Exactly. So, you know, there's nothing you can get from that. I think it's the sign of his insanity that he didn't go,

when he ate it. No, that's what makes you go, he does this regularly. That's just how he eats. But that's also because he was Prime Minister at the time and whatever happens, he's gotten to where he is, Tony Abbott, by not backing down on anything. That's right. So he's a person that says something,

he's like Trump. He'll say something and it'll be fucked and he'll go, I don't care, that's the way it is. And then everyone goes, oh, okay, and then he wins. What a fucking life though. But imagine all those onions underground sort of living their lives and kind of, where do you think you'll end up?

Oh, probably a casserole or something. And then just one of them is like, fuck, I'm on telly. I'm dead. I've been spat out by a beggar. I hope someone grabbed it and put it in a museum somewhere, like the actual onion. No one's doing that.

It's Tony Abbott. Do you remember him? That farmer must have it, you know, sitting on a shelf. Yeah, I bet he does, actually. Put it on a plaque. But then that's like, he's doing this, he's honking into an onion, and then he's like, what, going out and having a meeting or meeting with other world leaders with gross onion bread.

And a bit of peel. Onion peel, it's very hard, you can't chew it. Is that a phrase, honking into an onion? So you'd say... It is now. or meeting with other world leaders with gross onion bread and a bit of peel like onion peel it's very hard you can't chew it is that a phrase honking into an onion so you'd say it is now

if you were eating something you were honking into it fucking great I'm going to use that I like that would you say that in Australia

you'd say it's not the first time I've heard it you'd understand I know I completely get it but it's just I quite like it honk into that

if you take anything out of this show, please take that. What's the oddest thing you've ever eaten while we're talking weird onions? I've seen my brother eat dog food for a £20 bet. I bet him £20 to eat dog food. And he said, all right, I'm on. Wet or dry? Dry. Sorry, wet.

Yeah, that's weird. He was eating, he had two of them, two sort of spoonfuls and then threw up in the sink and then I threw up in the sink because it was disgusting. Awful.

And then he said, give him a 20 quid and I said, you didn't eat the whole tin. So he's in the top 19? Yeah, yeah. My brother's definitely in there.

He's a sensation though. But see, this is the thing because he's a dump, he's But see, this is the thing, because he's a dumb... He's wonderful, though. But I put him in a separate episode of 19 to 1, which would be wonderful dumb cunts. Feel free not to tell this.

I'm kind of putting you in it here. But can you please tell me the story about him being at home with your mum? You told me the other night. This is the best. But this is one of my favourite... I hope this... I love this story,

because it sums up my brother. So where they live in Bath, in England, there's a nice sort of my favorites. I hope this, I love this story because it sums up my brother. So where they live in Bath in England, there's a nice sort of like gorge and there's a hot air balloon festival in Bristol and all these sort of hot air balloons just sort of fly through the West country. It's really beautiful. And my mum and dad live in this place in Bath

and my brother's room, he doesn't live at home, but when he's there, that's his room, is the top floor and my mum was going to and my brother's room he doesn't live at home but when he's there that's his room is the top uh floor and um my mum was going to get my brother to sort of where daniel your food's ready food's ready and it's not getting so she kind of walks up the stairs opens the door and she sees my brother my brother's just had a shower he's just got a towel on just as this hot air balloon is going past the window my brother drops the towel

he doesn't know mum's behind him drops the towel and just flips the bird out and just swears like that and then my and my mum sees this and just goes what the fuck are you doing and then my brother kind of goes oh yeah so my brother goes from he kind of goes from a moment of that's what i do i'm the king of my castle and if i want to swear and show my dick to anyone flying through my house i'm sorry mom i didn't read like it was just i can't get the image of it out of my head i think it's the funniest moment that's ever been recorded in human history it's just but it's like oh mom yes and it's just it's that flip of like, fucking hell, mum. Jesus, knock, will you? Oh, shit. Oh, mum.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Mum. Oh, you smashed the... I've just broken a cup. I was telling a story about my brother. What a great ending. That's two drinks you've spilled.

It is. Yeah. I think they're special to Hannah. The flipping the bird while you've got your dick out, I have to say, is kind of gilding the lily a little bit. Yes. My one complaint is I'd worry that there'd be people that would

miss out on the dick being there because they're focusing on the bird and to me that's a bit of a shame you know not everyone can kind of handle it I agree I agree yeah what do you think there'd be someone hanging out the bloom going there's a lot going on there yeah I mean certainly physically it's equivalent of like yeah it's like a Bob Dylan trap with techno over the top Boy that's easy But yeah I mean Certainly physically Too many cooks

Yeah It's like a Bob Dylan track With Techno over the top Do you know what I mean How many roads It's like rap Over the top of Dylan Motherfucker

Got some roads So many No it's looking a bit Sgt Pepper's cover Yeah There's too much going on I agree But it's

Yeah I mean I just love it But I like He didn't know anyone was there. That's what I like. And he just made a decision just to kind of go, well, that's a family out enjoying their day. I'll spoil that.

Which one of the two of them told you that story? Were you in the hot air balloon? No, yeah, yeah, exactly. Hang on a minute. Which explains his behaviour a little bit more. Yeah, we were in the hot air balloon. I would never get in a hot air balloon. Fuck that, no. He won't even fly over Uluru. No, no. He's not taking a hot air balloon through Bath.

Fuck that. Well, maybe did you get stopped from flying over Uluru because they knew the family history? Yeah, exactly. We don't know his rock, getting the dick and the bird. Getting the bird. Yeah, I've heard it from both my mum's POV and my brother's. My brother's is very much like, what the fuck?

And my brother's is like, I'm a grown man. Fucking tell him my tea's ready or come down when I'm hungry. My mum's point of view is, fucking disgusting. I'd put me off my tea, I couldn't eat my dinner. So the real tragedy of the story is that there were two plates of food that went. Oh, really? Where was John Barnes? Your story that you told me. Oh, that's John Barnes? Your story.

Your story that you told me. Oh, that's how they should get kids to eat. Like that. Like, you know, like the whole kind of story. Like,

when are you going to watch out, Barns is here. And, yeah, if kids won't eat their dinner, like children, we just put on a John Barnes mask. Oh,

no, I thought you meant, you'd say, eat your dinner. I'm not eating it. There are John Barnes starving in London doing this. Or Barnes are just constantly on a wander. Your story, Carly, you told me a little while ago

about when you were like a teenager or whatever and your mum walking in on you, having a bit of time to yourself. Oh, yeah. I've heard about that. Have you heard of this one? Well. It was like late in the afternoon. She kind of busts you doing that

And it was her coming in to tell you that dinner was ready And you going Well now I just can't have dinner And so you just sat in your room all night No I think it was more like I was actually having sex In that story With your hand

No my mum walked in And I was actually having sex with a girlfriend. This is years and years and years and years ago. What were we talking? What position? Very traditional Chandler style missionary. Okay, fine. What mode of transport were you giving the bird to while you were doing this?

A bit of mish. Just to really put us there, what kind of tunes were playing or do you do it to your own grunts? Yeah, no, I'd get distracted by music. The Liverpool You'll Never Walk Alone I was listening to. So hang on, you're doing it to your own grunt so that means that you're, this act of you making this noise is then

propelling you on further to keep the act going. Oh, that's an interesting way of looking at it. It's a bit of a feedback loop. I don't listen to music, I sing so I'm just singing my Sharona as I'm doing it. You're singing the John Barnes rap. And that way

you're getting PRS on top. I sing one of my own songs whenever I make love. That's another $1.52. Is that just in case someone's taping it as a celebrity sex tape, it goes out there

and you're still making coin off it? Exactly, yeah, double whammy because I'm making money off the views but I'm also making money off the views but I'm also making

money off the tune so we're talking straight up Mish and your sweet sweet mum

what's your name again my name Carl what are we 50 minutes in this guy

gets it one hour poor emaciated Carl up there I'll just go and

give him his food I love my go and give him his food God I love my son and then she comes in like like that and your girlfriend's there like

like that no she's still in the basement she's going so we're there so she walks in and here's the thing. I think my mum was sort of half confused and half... I haven't got a Siamese twin.

Dear Lord. She was half going, you know what? It's like Tony Abbott. You just commit. If you don't blink, you just commit. So she comes in. It's halfway into the room and then just commit. If you don't blink, you just commit. So she comes in. It's halfway into the room. Please tell me she goes, it's dinner time.

And you went, you're goddamn right it is. Like that. But presumably you didn't do that. Mum, I'm already having a dinner for two if you can't already see. No, but she walks in. I'm on top of my girlfriend. And she walks in. And then I just look at her and go, yes.

And then she's sort of, me thinking she's immediately just going to give up and then run out of the room. And she goes, well, we're setting up for dinner. And I go, and she just keeps talking. I go, mummy, you're looking at this? And are you both like, are you instantly rigid or are you both like are you are you instantly rigid or are you still

are you still slowly moving I know because that's the thing you've got to keep it going yeah that's what I'm sort of saying is that instant like

because surely I mean that's on your mum your mum should just go it's dinner time and leave not we're setting up for dinner yeah yeah yeah

who says that anyway I was setting up for dinner yeah yeah just wanted to get your drinks ordered I'm setting up for dinner. Just wanted to get your drinks orders in. I'm setting up for an orgasm at the moment.

I'll be back in 15 with a progress update. I'll let you know how we're going. If you can come back in 10 minutes when I'm done with dinner that would really help me.

So your girlfriend's the chicken, your bedroom's the cave and your mum's the rock falling on top of you. To be honest that sounds like a movie. So we get it set up

and your mum is played by The Rock. It's time or time. All right, Rock, fucking fair game. And that's the entry, number 15 in the top 19, Dumbest Cunts of All Time. Yes, yes. So what did you do for sustenance that night? Did you and your girlfriend ever deliver?

The story you told me, you were like, well, I can't go out there. And you just sat in your room hungry all night. Yeah. But what happened to in your room hungry all night. Yeah. But what happened to her? Did she leave? I don't know because we were sitting. She probably went to dinner. Yeah.

We were sitting in there. She was hungry. Yeah, she had dinner and you just stayed in there. Yeah, you should. She just came in, oh, yeah, cheers, Mrs. What's your surname? Chandler. Chandler.

We really should have introduced each other before the show started. Well, when we met, there were chickens outside and there was skateboarding going on. Yeah, Leonard was throwing rocks at us. What's your full name? Yeah, that's fair enough. Okay, well, that's pretty, yeah. But it is better than her catching you just wanking.

Yeah. At least you were kind of, you know. Yeah, it was, look, I don't know. I think my girlfriend may have even gone out to dinner. I don't know because that could have possibly happened. How much longer did you stay with her after that? I think my girlfriend may have even gone out to dinner. I don't know because that could have possibly happened. How much longer did you stay with her after that? I'm about to marry her.

No, no, no, no. Oh, I thought you meant living at home. I thought, okay, yeah, I got the wrong end of that. How long did you stay at home? I was at home. I was living at home. Are you still at home now? No. Okay.

No, not now. Did it affect you sexually in the future? Did you... No, no. It did take him 10 years to propose to his current fiancée Yeah, but I don't think I was thinking of my mum I reckon you were Have you read Freud?

I think there was a lot of your mum going on in that relationship Do you always put a door stop into the door before you make love now? Are you very aware of the door? Do you lock it? No, I just don't invite my mother in anymore actually it's funny that you bring that up

because he got me around to his house to make his door easier to open I did too interesting and I do believe that was Mother's Day

you did that so it all makes complete sense you actually swine alright yeah sorry no no what do you have

now it's the end Howard let's go they fucking dragged this shit All right. Yeah, sorry. No, no. What did you have? No, it's the end, Howard. Let's go. Well, you know what? They fucking dragged this shit out of these two. No, I've got to go for a sweet massage. I've got really bad... Oh, how was the one you had the other day? Absolutely wonderful, yeah.

Are you going back to the same place? I am, yeah. She really knew her way around her back. Hey, if you like massages, you should come to the 2018 Kosa Mui Podcast Festival and we do it again. As long as we had invited him five years ago, he could have made it. We're in St Kilda and we did just go and have lunch just before we got here.

What did you have? Very weirdly enough, we went to a lovely restaurant called Barla's and as we got there, we both went, oh, yeah, we'll go to this place. We both know this place. We got there. We sat down, ate our dinner, ate our lunch, and then talked and then realised that both of us were sort of, you know, entwined in this restaurant for old relationships.

Yeah. We kind of just had a little bit of a DNM then going. Did you? Oh, it's tied to the same girlfriend that I was caught with my mum with. Oh, really? That was our restaurant and it felt like that was your restaurant with your ex-partner as well. Yeah, and now, Carl, it's our restaurant.

Yeah, and that's how we evolve. Yeah. It's going to be all right. Russell, I have one last question for you before we wrap this up. Keep me sugar, what is it? I looked on your Wikipedia and I saw that, I think it was in 2009,

there was a newspaper that claimed that you had made four million pounds in that year. That's right. Which it's on your Wikipedia that you deny that. Now, this show doesn't really have a theme, but if it does have one, recently it's been just grilling people about their income and what's in their bank accounts.

So what are you making for this tour? What I'm making for this tour? A lot less when you've got Breen on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ain't cheap. Exactly. I mean, already we're way down on expenses. I'm doing all right.

It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. It's not bad at all. Pretty good. Yeah. Can't help but not hear a number there.

Oh, do you want an actual number? Yeah, yeah. That's all right. Okay. Open your net bank

right now. I'll give him the Wi-Fi password. It doesn't go for free. But I'll tell you what, if you do arenas, the one password I um that shit doesn't go for free but I'll tell you what is the if you do arenas

the one thing I would say is very scary I'm fucking out hang on Tom are we writing this down this is a first world problem if ever there was

that you like you know when you do a tour you start off in the red before you get into the into the green as it were well when you do an arena tour

you really start off in the red. Like, fucking red. If nothing sells, you're fucked. Mate, and then you get to 73% and then you're fine. So, yeah, that's another reason why. You've got to get to 73% before you're in profit. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah.

Not doing it. It's crazy. I will not do an arena tour. But once you get there... I'm glad I'm not doing well. Yeah, but it's pretty strange. How do you work tour but once you get there I'm glad I'm not doing well yeah but it's it's pretty strange how do you manage

how do you work it so that you're not in the red at the end of the tour as well that's what we need to work out I don't know fellas it's always just been so easy for me I

I just I just I don't know I just ever since I didn't look at Uluru it's it's just gone great and the rest of you got cursed by that big red rock.

Something happened to me and Harley that day. Maybe it was when we got our dick out and flipped the bird and that fucking witch doctor was standing up there. But it's interesting. It's just been so sweet for me since I didn't look at Uluru. What was the first really good thing that happened to you after not looking at Uluru? Leaving Australia.

I got a tv show um uh days afterwards after literally a week after i didn't look at that rock i um was invited to spend time in ireland to do a stand-up show and then about a month after i didn't look at that rock um i got sort of a my own tv show that ran for 10 series and it's almost every year when i wasn't looking at that rock more and more great things were happening yeah it's just been like simmons has just cracked a king this weekend he's just holding it above his head yeah weeping but it'll be what i'll do next time i come to australia as an experiment i'll look at that rock to see if it all goes to and i'll get back to you

we can sort that out i really enjoyed that. That was an absolute treat. Harley said you were a gentleman and he was entirely right. I feel bad because I've spilt two drinks and broke another. But it's been a lot of fun, hasn't it? Yeah.

It's been really, I've really enjoyed it. That's the first time I've had coconut milk as well and I didn't mind it. That's what happens at my house. Well, that's not really part of the podcast.

That's more to do with Harley's partner and the hospitality here. But yeah, I mean, we'll take it. Thank you. What are you doing this week? What's the vibe for the rest of the week? Like more to do with Harley's partner and the hospitality here but yeah I mean we'll take it thank you what are you doing this week what's the vibe for the rest of the week

like now when we're recording this or when this comes out when does it come out this will come out a week Wednesday Wednesday okay

yeah so what are you doing what are we doing we what are we we're preparing to go to Canada oh fucking hell yeah yeah and New York and LA

we're doing live shows oh now what you need to do go to a place it's right preparing to go to Canada. Oh, fucking hell, yeah, yeah. And New York and LA. We're doing live shows. Oh, now, what you need to do, go to a place, it's right next to the hotel called Eggspectation. Oh, hell yeah. Sensational. So there's a thing there called a California Benedict, which me and Greg Davies, who's a comedian from the UK, a very tall guy who's in the in-between,

and it's very, very funny indeed. We came up with an American stand-up character called California Benedict. And he had a whole host. He had 10 fake albums. He was very much a shock American comic. And the first album was called Dropped in the Woods. The second album that he did was called Shut Up, I'm Thinking.

And the picture of that was a bruised woman and the police outside and him looking very stoic. And the third album was called Doctors Don't Know Shit. And the fourth album was recorded after he died. And we came up with them. So have the California Benedict. Can you talk me through what's in the California Benedict? I love a Benedict.

I believe it's, I think it's chicken. It's like a chicken breast see it's difficult because see here's me giving an Australian like a breakfast tip because I mean there's many fabulous things about this country

but one of the best is your breakfast is fucking mental but I'm English so we don't really do breakfast to the same I mean what you fuckers won't do with an avocado is sensational and it's fucking amazing buying houses

but even as yeah I saw that hey but even even a shit old like calf here is is a better breakfast than you'll get in England and it's the willingness what I love me and Kate were on about this yesterday we went to Windsor is that where we went yesterday fucking brilliant place and what I love most about it is like the idea that you just kind of go, right, put that sashimi in a fucking donut. And then just kind of ram it. And then what we'll do, we'll give it a name so that nobody will know what we do inside this place. Do you know what I mean? So it's called like the fucking otter's eyelash.

Something like that. And you kind of walk past it and you're like, what are you doing? Yeah, fucking sashimi in a donut. Doshishi. Yeah. But if you, so it won't be as good as the breakfast you have here. But what you need to imagine, Tommy, is that you're an Englishman and all you've ever eaten is Weetabix and cornflakes

and possibly a fried egg that looks like it's had the worst life. Not far off the truth. I'm not doing that well, but yeah. No, but you are. You're pretty similar to Mum's house, isn't it, Tommy? Yes. So do you still live home?

No, I don't still live home. No, it's just a running joke. Oh, I see. Mum paid for him to go to Japan. Oh, really? No, not true. It's true. it's not true I was fucking my girlfriend

and she came in and said it's time to go to Japan did she did she fly you to Japan so that you wouldn't walk in on your parents making love

is that true have you here's a question has anyone I've not seen them but I've heard them make love my parents

in my house as well. Very odd experience. Yeah, they came over and they didn't know that I was back and they were on manoeuvres. It was weird. What position?

I didn't know. I just heard it. It sounded like my dad was on top really thrusting. That's what it sounded like. Yeah, yeah. But it sounded like always going well.

They were both into it. It was really, you know. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah. That's what I remember thinking. I remember thinking, well, it sounds like they're both having a splendid was really you know oh that's nice yeah yeah that's what I remember thinking I remember thinking well it sounds like

they're both having a splendid time I'm going to go outside and vomit in the street but yeah it was very yeah

is that because you just did a show taking your mum around the states is that why you did that just so your dad couldn't have his

hands on her all the time some peace of mind they're not doing it this is the only thing that was no give your mum a break genuinely from the vigorous humping that's

been going on right mom i know the real reason why i did it that we had a conversation and i said what do you want to do with the rest of your life we were like christmas or we'd had like christmas port and all of it drunk and i sort of said you know you're getting on is there anything you want to do and my mom i think this is the bleakest most british working class reaction my mum genuinely nothing really all i want to do is be in an old folks home when i'm older where they don't hit you that was it and it was so bleak i genuinely thought the very least i can do as her oldest son is give her memories to enjoy in between the beatings so i hope that in 20 years beatings. So I hope that

in 20 years time mum will go yeah we went to that lovely place and we chased UFOs and some guy just cracks her with a belt and she's happy

for a nanosecond. Mum do you want to come to America? Not really. Come here. But yeah but she just doesn't want to be hit by

she doesn't want to be in an old folks home where they thrash you which is a big thing in the UK. That's fair. Yeah. Yep.

Yeah. And sounds like a challenge these days if the news programs are to believe, to be believed, to find one that's not going to do that. Yeah, this is it. They all strike you. But I, yeah. I love it when we get political. We'd better wrap this up for another week on the Little Dundum Club.

Sweet. That was a fucking pleasure, gentlemen. I really enjoyed that. Thank you guys so much. So by the time this comes out, I think you have shows left in Perth and Sydney? Yes. And Adelaide good luck it'll come out

on the day yeah the day we do Adelaide okay how's Adelaide selling they're all sold out like I say since I didn't look

at that rock it's been absolutely sweet hang on hang on if you guys listen to this you want to meet me outside come and have a chat you are sold out

in Adelaide yeah of course no not of course normal people can do that Carl and Tommy you know Adelaide is cursed

Adelaide looked at the rock I think it doesn't you don't do pre-sales in Adelaide oh really we'll check back in

we'll let you know it might seem like it's sold out but we get there there's just 10 blokes and a chicken squished I'll look at it let me have a look

this is the final thing I looked at this sales this is two days ago and I'll tell you exactly right and I can't wait to see the look on his face

when he rewrites this here we go sorry for the people at home Russell Howard sales 5th of July this is from Kumar Adelaide Adelaide

here it is Adelaide where the 30% that's not the date, that's the number I was going to say the Barton but yeah, Theberton is right 13th, it's a Thursday We have sold 1,681

and we have it's 1,717 so we're officially at 98% which means there's 36 And we have... It's 1,717. So we're officially at 98%, which means there's 36 tickets left. There you go. So all of the Dumb Dumb fans in Adelaide can still come to your show. They can.

And it'll be a pleasure to see... It wouldn't be great if just 19 of them come. Oh, we saw that at our own show. Exactly. But 19 to one who isn't a fan and that's how we end it if you want we can put on a one of our live shows on that same night and then all our fans it despite us will go to your gig instead so that'll fill those 36 seats up and what we'll do is the next time that your parents are fucking yep what i'll do i'll rock up and just

ask them if they want a new tea. I'll send your mum to Japan and I'll buy Harley some crockery. It's been a genuine pleasure. I really enjoyed that. Thanks, guys. We got all our stuff on sale. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Guys, thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates!