The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 354 - Claire Hooper & Adam Knox

Episode Date: July 19, 2017

Dream Logies, Wet Faces and Falling Over. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's episode of the Little Dum Dum Club with Adam Knox and Claire Hooper is brought to you by the Just for Laughs Sydney Festival. Carl, why would we be having anything to do with them? They are the biggest things in the world, Tommy, and they want us because we are the second biggest thing in the world and we are joining forces to become an even bigger thing in the world. It's pretty rare that you get that happening. You would generally think we would want to compete with them and overtake them and become the first biggest thing. But no, they're like, let's team up. We rolled over straight away.

So all air shows are happening in the Sydney Opera House. Of course, we are doing a live podcast, Tommy. Believe it or not, I don't know if you've heard the news, but me and you are doing a live podcast in the Sydney Opera House. That does sound familiar now that you mention it. Rings a little bell. Rings a bell. That's kind of reminding me of a few things that I've tweeted over the last week or so.

Oh, right. It's starting to ring a few bells. It's all starting to come back to you. All right. So as we're recording, we're not that far away from selling out. Yeah. So there was a day where they put the tickets on pre-sale for one day. Then they took the tickets off sale for four days.

And then now the tickets have been fully on sale for a couple of days. And they've like, even just on that pre-sale day, they raced out the door at a rate that I'm going to say took us both a bit by surprise. And by pre-sale, you shouldn't be able to buy things if it's on pre-sale, should you? Because that's before a sale. Yeah. You can only buy things during a sale. Yeah.

So did people steal the tickets? Yeah, I don't quite get what happened. I don't know quite what they're doing in there at the ticketing agency at the Opera House, but hey. What those little meanie things are doing. Yeah, it's got a nice little map that we get to look on. Yeah. At the moment, pretty much the entire first,

nearly the whole first half of the theatre is sold out. More than the first half. Save for one seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About four rows back. Yeah. If you want to have a good seat, if you want to get the closest seat you can currently buy and you don't mind sitting by yourself, well then, brother or sister, you're in luck.

Yeah, there's one seat in the first two thirds. So go for it. Go for it. And I'm obsessing over it. I log on every two hours and I have a look at that map because I'm living for the day where that gets snapped up. Let us know if you buy that ticket. Yeah.

Let's mark it down and let's do something special at the show for the loner who buys that ticket. For the fucking saddo who decides to sit there by themselves. Let's put some car keys underneath it that don't belong to us. So that's going to be awesome. Let's boost a car't belong to us. So that's going to be awesome. Let's boost a car in Sydney the night before. That's going to be awesome.

So that's coming up. That is Thursday, September the 14th at the Sydney Opera House. Yeah, tickets are not going to last very long. So, yeah, jump on it. Yeah. Speaking of Just for Laughs, we are not only doing the Sydney branch of that, we are doing the ultimate branch of it. We are going to Montreal very, very, very soon. Just for Laughs Road we are not only doing the Sydney branch of that, we are doing the ultimate branch of it. We are going to Montreal very, very, very soon.

Just for Laughs Roadshow. Yeah, yes. Finally, it's happened for us. So it's the biggest thing in the world, comedy festival-wise, and we have been invited to this invite-only festival, which we are very excited about. So basically, what, the next episode you hear is probably us from there, is it? Maybe, yeah, probably. Or maybe one more, maybe in a couple of episodes yeah so um that's so exciting

if you are anywhere near canada or montreal in particular please come along we we found out we've got a bunch of canadian listeners if you can do uh the right thing is it the right thing i don't know if you can just do a cool thing and come along and uh we will hang out with you afterwards and we'll have drinks and we've got a certain Serbian war criminal that's hanging out with us. So, you know that's going to be fun. And this is a rare show for us where we're not kind of running it ourselves. So, we don't have access to what the sales are looking like.

Boy, I can't wait to turn up to that room and see what's going on. Yeah, yeah. This is, you know, they're organizing it. We're just turning up and dancing on stage for an hour. Yes. So it'll be interesting. Of course, we're in the middle of the biggest festival in the world, so we'll be aiming to bring some absolutely amazing guests.

We do have one big name confirmed already. So we've got to lock down another two, which will be a lot of fun. We are going to be in Canada for four days. And then, of course, Tommy, after that, we are then going on our little North American tour. Yes. So this is breaking news since last week's episode.

We hadn't put this on sale yet. New York, Wednesday, August the 2nd at the Union Hall. We are doing a live Little Dum Dum Club. Tickets are on sale now. If you go to our website, littledumdumclub.com, you can find them. And yeah, that's going to be heaps of fun. And we have some confirmed guests there already. Some,

uh, some friends of the show have actually put their hands up already. Uh, so we are chasing a few other, uh, big name acts, but that's going to be heaps of fun. We're in a really cool venue at Brooklyn.

Yeah. Uh, our East coast debut in the U S. So yeah, heaps of people over there that hit us up every now and then would be great to see you guys and meet you guys. And, I think the show, yeah, the show is at like 8 p.m. So, yeah, we'll be hanging out afterwards.

And, yeah, it's just going to be really cool to finally get over there. And, you know, if you're from a city that's not too far away that's doable, come down for the night. Come on. It's New York. You don't have to message us and go, oh, I would, but I live an hour away. Guess what, idiot? We live 20 hours away and we're doing it.

There's absolutely no excuse to not come down and watch a thing that you can listen to for free a week later. Yes. So get off your, as you guys would call it, fanny and get on a bloody bus or a train or a plane or however you want to get there. And us being transformed into classic New Yorkers, as you guys walk in in we'll be like

Hey we're talking here Yeah exactly The Midnight Cowboys of podcasting That's me and Tommy The two Joe Bucks So there's going to be heaps of fun Doing a podcast in New York, New York Awesome, awesome

Some say the greatest city in the world Some say the Big Easy So we're going to take off from there And we're going to go to the other coast We're creating a podcast, Coastal Rivalry, the East versus the West Coast. It's going to be Tupac and Biggie Smalls all over again. Wait, but the rivalry is just us? Yeah, between us.

Two competing episodes. Between those two episodes, yeah. They're going to shoot each other. That's not bad. So whichever one is the best, whichever episode listeners prefer, that will finally settle it. Which coast is the better one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. It's the podcasting Olympics. I quite like that. All within one country.

So yeah, that is Saturday, August the 5th at the Lyric Hyperion Theatre and Cafe at 2 in the afternoon. Yeah, again, we are looking at having some big guests come down. Yeah, again, if you're over that side of the country, we've only been there once before, years and years and years ago.

Unbeknownst to us, we'd booked in the show on Thanksgiving weekend, not knowing, A, not knowing that it was Thanksgiving, and B, not knowing that everyone fucks off from town on Thanksgiving. So, yeah, it would be great to do a show to an actual room of people. That's the reason no one turned up last time. That's right. So, look, hey, all those shows, we do actually know that we have dozens of people coming already.

So you're not just coming and sitting on a stool in front of me and Tommy and whatever homeless person walks by that we see a microphone in front of. It's going to be a fun show. We'd love to see you. We'll be in the middle of nowhere with people that we don't know. So anyone that's listened to us. I don't know that I'd call New York the middle of nowhere. Well, you know, it's no Melbourne.

It's no podcast city. They don't even have Pie Face over there. Yeah. Yuck. They did. Did they? They nearly brought the city down. Did they really?

Yeah, they seriously... Was Pie Face international? Yeah. Oh, right. And it brought down Pie Face. Right. Okay, I never knew that. Because they were selling a heap of pies in Melbourne.

They were like, well, why wouldn't we bring it to New York? And then they found out why they shouldn't bring it to New York. It fucked their whole company. If you can't make it there, then fuck off everywhere else. If you can't make it there, you've pretty much fucked it everywhere. You know what I'm looking forward to? Shake Shack. Oh, yeah.

I can't wait to go back to Shake Shack. Yeah. And Artichokes Pizza. Oh, yeah. Yeah, those are my two big ones. We had that last time, didn't we? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Very sweet. That'll be awesome. Thank you. Yeah. You're a sweet boy. Nicest thing you last time, didn't we? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Very sweet. That'll be awesome. Thank you. Yeah. You're a sweet boy. Nicest thing you've ever said to me. You're a sweet little boy. So that is our big tour.

That's our big tour coming up. Of course, you know what? To do a little ad for the end of the episode, we are announcing something else at the end of the episode, just stretching this out. Yeah. This is exciting, us going to the States. And I reckon we're just going to – I mean, this is –

I reckon we're going to break big over there while we're over there for these two weeks. I reckon it's going to be like Rebel Wilson, man. We're just going to be fucking huge. We're going to get really fat and start lying about our age. Sweet. I'm looking forward to it. All right. Great.

Well, at least half of that will definitely happen, by the way. I rooted Walt Disney. Come on, Bauer Media. Have a fucking crack. Let's go. I'm going to star in groomsman too okay so what if that does work and we come back and we get cast in the reboot of fat pizza oh not bad not that would be awesome. Fat pie face. Okay, so yeah, all of that is happening.

Please, we do not have much time. We had to kind of, all this stuff came up pretty late, so we put these shows on sale with not as much notice as we normally would for a live show, so we really need you guys. Hey, and you know what? Maybe you're out there and you're thinking, yeah, I'm going to go to this. There's no need for me to pre-book tickets.

I'll be able to buy on the door. Do us a favour, heading over there, just for looking at the numbers before we set off. Just buy a ticket in advance. If for no other reason than just for our sanity. And also – Don't adelaide it. Also, just bring some mates. Bring some mates because, you know, it's that thing where some people go,

oh, my mates aren't going to understand or whatever. You know what? We're going to have such good guests. They don't need to fucking give a shit who we are. They can look at these other people. Yeah. Comedy is the universal language. Yeah.

Yeah. It's going to be sweet. It's going to be worth coming up for the surprise awesome guests that we have, even if you hate me and Tommy, which I find hard to believe. Strange that you're listening to this if that's the case. But anyway. Well, do that. Bring some mates.

That would be awesome. Let's make this a great experience for everyone involved. Yeah. So, yeah, so that's all happening. You can find all that detail on our website. We have also just reprinted a bunch of our T-shirts, the burger logo, which you're probably looking at right now on your little iPhone as you listen to this

and jacking your little dicky. Yeah. And the I'm aware of the little Dum Dum Club T-shirts as well. That has not really been in stock for quite a while, the old black I'm aware of shirt. So if you were a bit jealous of not getting that a year or two ago, get on to that now. Is it technically retro at this point?

Oh. Is this what we're – are we kind of cashing it on – are we kind of now cashing it on the nostalgia for our own podcast? Yeah, yeah. It does feel a bit like that. It feels like we're – yeah, what if we just started bootlegging our own shirts? Yeah, not bad.

That would be good. So, yeah, there's – and, bootlegging our own shirts? Yeah, not bad. That would be good. So, yeah, those, and of course the burger shirt was out of a few sizes as well, so people have been hitting us up quite a bit to ask when it was going to be reprinted. So, there you go. Our two most popular shirts are back in full printage. Plus, they still did Koh Samui sort of merchandise and stuff as well. And you know what? If you are in the Americas, or Canadas, as they call it,

and you want us to bring over some shirts, give us a private message. Send us something. Send us a tweet. Get on social media and hit us up or send us an email because we'll drag some over there. We won't have unlimited room in the old suitcase, but we will do our best to bring some stuff over. We won't have unlimited room.

No, but I want to make that – Is this a scoop? This is an exclusive statement. I want to make that... Is this a scoop? This is an exclusive statement. I want to make that clear. Not only do we not have a TARDIS for a suitcase... Fuck, well, when were you planning on letting me know about this? Well, I like to withhold that sort of information because it feels like I get a good reaction off you on the podcast.

Hearing it fresh, I feel like I've really been sandbagged here, learning this information about having limited luggage space. Thanks a lot, mate. Hey, it was all worth it for that passion. That's a real fly in the ointment for my travel plans. For... What an episode already. Alright, so that's all that housekeeping, and of course

we always enjoy the contributions of you guys on patreon.com slash a little dum-dum club, because it keeps this little locomotive moving along. It puts the wood in our little oven. It gets the steam coming out of our fucking assholes,

and we chug along the tracks to Podcast City. I think all those metaphors are correct. Almost perfect except for one minor detail that I think some locomotion enthusiasts may have to take umbrage with. Yes. So you know what you get for that. You get love from us. Most importantly, you keep this thing alive.

You get bonus episodes all the time if you're $10 plus. You get magazines that we work very hard on. And you get your little name read out. card on and you get your little name read out. Those two words that your mum and dad slapped onto the old birth certificate right after the doctor himself pulled you out, gave you a little spank on the butt, those two sweet words that you've been identifying under for your whole life, they come under our intense microscope on this show. It's a real expose. So let's kick it off. They come under our intense microscope on this show.

It's a real expose. So let's kick it off. This week let's do, I reckon we've only got time for five this week, so let's do that this week. Yeah, okay. Cut down from normal. Just do five. Just do that. You know what we should do one week?

We could even do this now if you feel like it. Instead of ripping on the name, why don't we do a bit of like star sign action and just based on the name we try and predict what kind of week this person's going to have. Well, look, I read out the name, so you get first crack at whatever we do. So whatever you feel like doing today. Oh, excellent. Okay. Yeah.

All right. All right. So let's do five. We said five, didn't we? Yeah. Five. Right. Right.

Okay. So number one, first cab off the rank, we will go with, thank you to Patreon subscriber, James Radcliffe. James Radcliffe james radcliffe um i think i think radcliffe's gonna have a bad week oh really i think he's in for a pretty bad week well his name if you just went off his name i mean it sounds like a really cool way of necking yourself jumping off a radcliffe so is that part of his bad week that's part of it. I think he must get this a lot, but I think this week he's going to get even more people than usual asking if he's related to Daniel.

Oh, yeah. Plus this week he's going to cop shit from two idiots on a podcast. So it's already off to a bad start. The week starts as soon as he listens to this. Right, right, right. So assuming he listens on Wednesday. Okay. Wednesday to Wednesday.

Yep. Yeah, I'm not feeling good about it. I'm not feeling. I feel like, yeah, he's going to be, yeah, in seven days' time, he's going to have had such a bad week that he'll just be looking at that back end of his name, of his surname, and just thinking, yeah, that had. More like James Badcliffe by the end of it.

Yes. By the end of seven days. More like James Badweek is what he'll be saying in the mirror. thinking yeah that'd more like james bad cliff yes the end of it yes by the end of seven like james bad week yeah is what he'll be saying in the mirror is he gonna cop the phone call and say seven days seven days from him yeah till he next himself yeah yeah anyway thanks for your money james uh second cab off is rowan thank you to rowan cook Rowan Cook how's he gonna go I think Rowan's gonna have a good week okay

I'm glad I would have felt bad if we had two bad weeks yeah back to back there yeah I haven't really thought this through

no that's clear no it's a it's a bright name you know what I mean I think he's a I think he's a person that makes

you're getting a more of a light coloured aura coming from that man. Yeah, Rowan Cook. It makes me think that people see him and... You just like the word cook. It's getting close to dinner and you're going, this sounds good to me.

I'm really hungry. So, yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe that's just it now. But, hey, I can't be the only one who has that experience when they hear the word cook. Yeah. That must be pretty common. Right.

Because it's spelt C-O-O-K-E, meaning he's only one letter off being cookie. So he's pretty close to being the Rowan Cookie Monster. I actually know Rowan Cook. Oh, do you? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I went to school with him.

Oh, you should know what sort of – you've got an actual better idea of what sort of week he's – like, is he a good bloke or not? He's a good bloke. He lives in San Francisco. Wow. So I'm going to call him out publicly and say, hey man, make the trip up to Los Angeles. Yeah. Or you're about to,

or next week you're going to have a very bad week. Because I'm going to shit on you all over this podcast. Whoa, he's going to go all James Radcliffe like next week. Oh, Rowan Cook. Well, I look forward to seeing you in the City of Angels, my friend. Yeah, I've been meaning to message Rowan and see if he'll be around. But hey, Rowan, take this as me reaching out through the medium of Angels, my friend. Yeah, I've been meaning to message Rowan and see if he'll be around. But, hey, Rowan, take this as me reaching out through the medium

of your favourite podcast. And apparently your friend paying you some money, which is a nice way of having a friendship. Hey, you know what? I haven't run this by Carl yet, but I'll put you on the door. If you come up to LA, bring a couple of people. Oh, okay, that's fair. I'll put you on the door.

Yeah, yeah, all right. All right, I'm going to take you as my friend you on the door. Yeah, yeah. All right. All right. I'm going to take you as my friend as well now, Rowan, if you do that. All right. Thanks, Rowan. Thanks, Rowan. Thanks in advance, Rowan. Third.

Third this week. And how many is this? Five. Okay. We're doing five. Not quite halfway. I can't stress that enough. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jason Ballard.

Ah. Now, is this a bit of fake name action going on? I reckon you read this out last week. Really? Yeah. Because you then went into a sweet riff about his name reminding you of the time that you fucked Tom Ballard. Oh, okay. Interesting that that would just not even Stick in the memory

For even For even five days No Really? Did I You know we have done that guy before Fuck We did him the other week

I know Fuck We did him We did do him last week Yes This is what I'm saying Fuck Alright alright

I'm deleting that name Okay Alright Thank you to Third this week We are doing Thank you to Patreon subscribers I'm saying. Fuck. All right. I'm deleting that name. Okay. All right. Thank you to third this week. We are doing, thank you to Patreon subscriber Jacob Walder. Walder. W-A-L-D-E-R. Walder.

What's he got coming up? He's going to have, I think he's going to have a pretty standard week for him. Like not, you know, not exceptionally good, not exceptionally bad. It's going to be very average for him in the sense that he's constantly going to have to be spelling his last name when he goes to shops and stuff like that. When he goes to shops, he's spelling his own name. As he walks in, he just introduces himself, then spells his name.

Yeah, that's what I've had to start doing. Really? Just in case it comes up. Right. Just walk in, A-L- really yeah and what do people so you walk in that's the first thing that happens you spell your own name yep and then what do people say they're like oh like jane the actress right i go like that but with one less l right yeah okay and then then you just go on and buy stuff.

Yeah. And does your name come up after that or anything? Well, they already know it, so they don't need to ask. Right. So I have no way of knowing whether they would have asked had I not spelt it out. I'm going to say that I don't think there's many times when anyone ever needs to know anyone's surname in a shop because even if they do need to know it, you're bringing out your credit card or something. I don't want to say you're wasting your life.

But I am sitting here recording a podcast. I would say that about every other aspect of your life. I'm not saying it about that bit that you do in shops. I have had to do it a couple of times of late because I've gotten quite into, and this is very la-di-da of me, the products that they have in there at the Aesop store. Oh. So, yeah, they keep your account on file.

And so they have a list of, and so they want to like attach what you buy to your profile when you go in. And so I have to spell it out. In the physical shop, Aesop shop? Yeah. Right. So when you go to the end, they're like, what's your last name? Right.

And I go, and so I go all SOP. And I look down on the screen. They always start O-R-L. And I go, no, no, A-L-S-O-P. Right. And then every time I go, you know, it's like this shop, but just one letter different. And it's yet to get a laugh. Right.

I think that's why I keep going back in there. Right. I just want that to play well once. You're just working up some gear at the moment. Yeah. Right. Okay. It's like if there was a skincare shop called Changla.

Yep. Wouldn't you want to go in there all the time? I'd certainly get pictures out the front. Yes, would you? Yes. Because there's one, there's a shop in Thailand called Chandra. And I think I've got three pictures in front of that. Chandra.

You barely need one and yet you've got three. Yeah. Can you print them – can you like stick them all together and like print them out and have them hanging on your wall? Yeah, maybe. I'll go back through the files. Okay. Of all the cool photos I have.

Send it to me. I'll measure it and I'll get you a frame for it and that'll be my wedding present to you. Oh, wow. Okay, sweet. I do need some pictures on my wall actually. Thank you. Thanks, Jacob Walder. Right.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber someone, and this is someone who's been whinging for it lately, so the squeaky wheel gets the grease, shall we say. This person absolutely gagging for it. Certainly. It's very true. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jackie Carter. Ah, JC.

Yeah. She is a listener that came on the Koh Samui trip. Yep. And she's made it very clear this week that she should be read out. So she's gone on the list. How long has she been subscribing for? Look, I'll say not... You know what?

I'll say this about Jackie Carter. Here we go. She's very generous. Very generous. But she carries on like she's been listening forever. She hasn't even been listening that long. Oh, okay. She's just got really into it lately.

Okay. Yeah. But she bloody carries on. But I reckon that almost makes her even more generous. Like someone who's been listening for six years and they chip in like 50 bucks or whatever, you could go, well, they're paying in lieu for all the free content that they get over the years.

Someone listening for a month and putting in a big amount of money. I mean, that's the ratio of that is huge. Yep. Yeah, I agree. You seem pissed off about this. Well, I'm always pissed off about something. This just happened to come into your field of vision at the right time.

There was a gap in the market. There were three names there that I hadn't been pissed off at. I'm like, well, Forza Charm. Yep. I did not know that about Jackie, that she was a recent convert. Yes. Right. I met her one night and she made it very clear to me

that she did not listen to the podcast. Okay. Was this in Thailand? No. But then, I don't know what happened, but she started listening and then she's vehemently into it. So, yeah. So, anyway, she's got her name read out.

It's all good. I don't have that complaint leveled against me anymore, so that's good. But more importantly, what sort of week is she going to have, Tommy? Oh, interesting question. You're like the weatherman, but for life. Yeah, yeah. I'd say probably a good weekend. I'd say heading into the weekend not so good,

because I know she comes to your gig on Thursday nights pretty frequently. Sometimes. So I'm predicting she'll come this week and maybe have a bit too much to drink, maybe be a bit antagonistic towards you, and you won't like that. Yeah. And so, you know, you'll kind of go...

That sounds like classic behaviour from all people involved, to be honest. Yes. You'll kind of go back at her in typical fashion, which she might not like. But then, hey, she'll wake up Friday morning and tomorrow's a new day. It feels like I'm finding out about my week coming up as well. Yeah.

Wow, I've got a free prediction. Surprise, surprise. You're going to be a prick to some people. All right. Well, there you go, Jackie. You've got the full treatment this week. Right. And so how many were we doing?

Were we doing ten? Five. Oh, five. We're only doing five. We're doing five this week. Oh, that must mean we're – So that's four. Four done. Four done now. Right. We're only doing five. We're doing five this week. Oh, that must mean we're... So that's four... Four done.

Four done now. Right. Which means... Hang on. You don't want to read out... One to go. Okay, one to go. You don't want to read out the same one again by accident.

No. No. So four down, one to go, one to go. Okay, here we go. Yep. One person, one patron... Oh, well, actually, when I say one patron subscriber to go, it's actually... Well, it's a bit of a novelty this week.

It's a bit of a shared one is the fifth one this week. How long is this run-up going to go for this week? Who knows? Let's see. One to go, but it's shared. I'm not sure if we've had this happen before, but this is a shared Patreon subscription between two people. Right, okay.

This is quite a setup. Is this the first time this has ever happened? I believe so. Right. Yeah. I'm not advertising it. I'm not saying people should go halves in it. But anyway, this is what's happened.

And it's got a bit of description as well of who these people are as well. Now, this is a recent thing that I actually was not aware that you could do in Patreon. Yeah, apparently. It seems like no one's aware that you can do it because it hasn't really happened until the last sort of three weeks. Well, it's happened at least once a week for a while. People have discovered that you can sort of put your name and then you can kind of like there's a thing that 99% of people seem to just leave empty.

Well, four-fifths of people leave empty every week by the feel of it, actually. So, all right. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscribers. actually um so all right here we go thank you to patreon subscribers the identical twins wobzy and wopsy comedy okay yeah so wobzy comedy yep and and wopsy comedy wadzy wadzy yeah right wobzy and wadzy comedy wadzy and wadzy comedy. Wobzy and Wadzy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if your last name's comedy. Yeah.

And. Yes. And you've already had one kid called Wobzy comedy. Yeah. Don't call your other kid Wadzy comedy. That's, it's going to be slightly confusing. I mean, it's confusing that they've got similar names, let alone, even if they, even if there's only one of them, that's slightly confusing, having a kid called Wobbsy. So where do these two fit in on the family tree?

I don't have the full details here, but, yeah, I believe that they're the children of Uncle Murd. Oh, right. So these are on the French side. Yeah. So Wobbsy and Wobbsy, these are French names. They're French names. Classic French names.

Okay. And I'm not sure because, you know, I think we may have talked about it last week. I don't know if they live in France or maybe they live in Canada. Maybe they'll be coming down. That would be very exciting to me. Well, you've had your thing. You've said, you know, that Rowan Cook is going to be on the door in LA. Well, you know what?

Wobbsy and Wobbsy, you are on the door in Montreal. But what about their dear old dad? Wow. We've got to get him money somehow. What about, and I'll say his name in English, Uncle Shit Comedy. Whoa. Hey, Wobzy and Wodzy might be listening to this. Please.

Language. I'm just translating his name into English. And anyway, what sort of weeks are they going to have? Oh, I fail to see how you could have anything less than a spectacular week every week with the names Wobbsy and Wadsy Comedy. They are unusual names. I'll give them that. Yeah, I don't know.

I wonder if that's in their family lineage, if that's an old school name or something maybe. If it's like a great-grandpa. Yeah. Two twin. No, wait. Yeah, a great-grandpa and then like a great-grandpa Yeah Two twin No, wait Yeah A great-grandpa and then like a great-grandpa's brother Yeah

Yeah, I wonder if that's a thing or not Yeah I don't know Because I mean, it's certainly a name I don't I haven't heard a lot Well, I mean, we could You know, we could do our part To sort of try and research this when we're over there

No, let's not You know, we could look into some lineage Hmm Not interested No Not interested Lost interest already I'm sure there's thousands of listeners right now that know exactly how you feel

all right well thanks wabsy and wadsy yep and thanks to everyone else who has chipped in on patreon to support the podcast every week we really appreciate it uh yeah it helps keep this little thing going uh so just to wrap up all of the shows that are currently on sale, we have Montreal on July the 29th. We have New York on August the 2nd. We have LA on August the 5th. We have the Sydney Opera House on September

the 14th. You have a real mind for dates. Yeah. It's a good work there. I would not remember any of those. Yeah. Thanks, man. So all that stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com. Get on and get yourself a T-shirt and listen towards the end of the episode. We announce a big Melbourne show that's happening at the end of this year. Very exciting.

Or in October. I can't wait to hear what we're doing. All right. Enjoy this episode with Claire Hooper and Adam Knox. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you so much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting across from me,

the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Is that your new thing, stamping your foot twice on my coffee table before we begin? I'm getting revved up because I've had a lot of anger coming in today. Yes. I'm trying to release in an appropriate fashion. I don't think it's anger at a subject that is fit for public consumption. But we've just been sitting out in my backyard listening to quite the tirade from you.

Have you got it out of your system? Are you mellowed or are you going to harness this energy for the good of comedy? I mean, it takes a lot for me to get mad. So, you know, those important stuff. In the, what is it, 25 years that we've been working together? I've never seen you like this before. I know. Usually I'm very chill, but today just something twisted my fucking nipples.

If people are wondering what you're like off the podcast, you're a lot like the character of Phoebe from Friends. Just super chill, just kind of off in your own world, just really spiritual. Really hot. Yeah, I agree. You've got a hot twin. Guilty. just super chill just kind of off in your own world just really spiritual really hot yeah I agree you've got a hot twin guilty

and I want to fuck Chandler for some reason I want to fuck myself wait what I don't know she doesn't want to fuck Chandler she fucks Paul Rudd oh

well I want to do that too great you know what here's a bugbear of mine a minor bugbear of mine sometimes you will say you know you'll talk about

dreams you had. And I always think, man, that's such a, for me talking about dreams is so dumb because it's like, here's a thing I made up. Cool. Yeah. Good story. Yeah. However, here's a dream I had last night.

Every time I say this on the show, I give that caveat as well. Yes. Right. I had one of those dreams last night that was so, I felt like it went all night. Like it felt like I've dreamt all night. Well, just quickly, how about as you've brought up that you don't like this as a topic, do you want me to give you an honest appraisal of this dream story?

Yes, sure. And let me know if this is actually good or not. Absolutely. Okay, great. I had a very, very long dream. I don't know if you've had any experience with that where it feels like you've dreamt all night, like way longer than some sort of minor little,

oh, I remember this scene and this scene, that where it feels like you've dreamt all night, like way longer than some sort of minor little, oh, I remember this scene and this scene, that's it. This was like I felt like I dreamt the actual length of my sleep. And here's the thing that happened. I, for some reason, won the gold Logie very early on in the dream. And so for the rest of the night, I lived my new life as a gold Logie winner. Oh, that's great. I do like a bit of that in a dream. Yeah. So I got so used to it that when I woke

up, it took me quite a while to realise I'd never won a gold Logie. Right. So it's taken me a couple of hours to realise my life has not changed. So when did it wear off? Because it felt like you definitely walked in here with the vibe of someone who's like up there with your Lisa McCunes and your

Georgie Parkers. I'm a veritable John Wood. Yeah, yeah. So maybe I'm still coming down off that. But yeah, it was a bit of a shock to the system to realise that I have not been rewarded for the no TV that I've done. That's a nice, that is a nice reality in the dream where sometimes the good thing happens right at the end. But it is nice when it's like not building up to that.

That's the start and then you just kind of live in that world for a little bit. There was a lot of back slapping. There was a lot of people genuinely happy for me. It was a really good space. Why are you surprised by this? Well, still crazy things happen in dreams. I'm just trying to say that it felt like for the next eight hours of my sleep, I was just getting a lot of plaudits and a lot of, you know what,

you've really earned it, and me going, yeah, you're right. So what was the timeline? Was the timeline just like you win it and then it was the whole thing, the rest of it just you at the after party? Or did we cut to like you waking up the next day? I was at some sort of party, you know, the party was going all night. It was in the, it was outside and there was a lot of people like, you know, I, look, I'll tell you what.

Any hot chicks there? I'll tell you what, I was genuinely surprised to win it. I'll have to say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you even know you were nominated? No, no. It was a genuine shock to me. Who were you up against?

It sort of came out of nowhere. I don't know who I was up against. It was just the shock of winning it sort of blurred everything out. Yeah, great, great. Yeah, so but it was just. Had you even been invited to the ceremony? No. Or were you just out the front there to help you win?

I don't believe I was even at the ceremony, to be fair. Somehow I won it without being there. They had to FaceTime you and get you up on the screen. Yeah. But I'll tell you what, there was a lot of friends and family that were surrounding me and they were all very happy. It was a... You know what?

It's really inspired me to go out there and try and win the gold log. Because I'll tell you what, it felt good. Yeah. I can't speak for people who have won it in real time. But it feels like it must be good. Well, we need to get a Gold Loggie winner on the show and sort of see how this stacks up to their actual experience.

We've had a couple already. You hadn't had the dream yet so whose fault is that? Let's compare it next time. Okay yeah that honest appraisal that is actually a good dream story. I like it. I like to think it's part of the way I delivered it as well. Well speaking of dreams, two guests today who it has been my dream

to have them on an episode together since we started this podcast. The Gold Logie winner for The Homeless. I've done so little TV work that you can't even make up a show. You've done so little actual work that I can't even make up a show. You've done so little actual work that I can't even think of a joke category. Please welcome back in Little Dumb Dumb Club Adam Knox. Employee of the Month, March

2005 at Target. Really? Yes. I cleaned up a human shit. So they gave me Employee of the Month. I don't think it was even a real, like I don't think they did it every month. They were just like, oh, fuck, this kid needs. I was on work experience as well.

I did my work experience at Target. Okay, I have questions. I didn't know how it worked. I thought I was a fucking idiot and no one told me I was being an idiot doing it. I thought it was like, go work somewhere where you probably could. Okay, I have questions, but I feel like our second guest is chomping at the bit to get in, so let's introduce her. Please welcome back Claire Hooper.

Yay! Thanks for having me. Oh, my God. Target? The only thing less pathetic is if you had an all-night dream about working at Target last night. Yeah, so the start of the dream is you get the job and then it's another, like, four hours.

That's the saddest dream. Just stacking shelves. Okay, so. What was it like when you went back to school after work experience and your friends were like, yeah, so it was really fun being at the, you know, Virgin Australia Training Centre. Yeah, I really enjoyed working at PricewaterhouseCoopers and you're like, yeah.

Who's got questions about Manchester? Not the city. I stayed here in Franston. So who, like your parents and like your teachers and stuff have to sign off on this? Why are they letting this happen? It's not your fault. You don't know any better.

Every single one of them looked at me and went, yep, makes sense. I don't think it, no, I can't remember anyone questioning it. And then I remember that they gave you like the school had like a form that they had to fill out the people who you'd worked for. Yep. And I still remember, and I'm very self-conscious about it, that I got a two out of five for my handshake. What?

What? They ranked my handshake. Wait, you had to shake hands with people that come into the store? No, no, no. Just the people who worked at Target. Your boss? Yeah. What?

So you were getting marked on handshake? Yeah, yeah. In today's online world, that is completely irrelevant. It's useless. Yeah, I should have gotten marked getting marked on handshake. Yeah, yeah. In today's online world, that is completely irrelevant. It's useless. Yeah, I should have gotten marked on my fucking pokey or whatever. If anyone had finished school yesterday. That's true. If anyone has a good handshake,

they also know that they can do better than Target. Absolutely. What fancy three out of fives Are walking through Their doors at all You don't need to be Greasing palms And climbing the Corporate ladder

At Target What did you get For your kissing Well I got the job No I was bad at it too I remember I sliced A whole bunch How were you bad

At picking up A human shit What did you do wrong That I did It just fell out Of like Can you imagine That amazing conversation When they found The kids human shit And then they're like in shit. What did you do wrong? Oh my god. It just fell out of the kids fucking shorts. Can you imagine that amazing

conversation when they found the kids human shit and then they're like who should we? Oh man whose job is it? And then they all just slowly look over Someone sees it and goes wow they really do have everything at Target This is much cheaper than the Kmart shits. I'm getting the timeline confused

So you did you go on to work there after you did the work experience? Did you work there again after school? Yeah, and that's kind of why I did it is because I wanted a job there as well, but I didn't work there for very long. Hang on, you just went to Target to network. Yeah, yeah. I thought they wouldn't give me a job if I didn't fucking do a bunch of work experience.

And, man, I worked way harder than I should have there as well. I was really trying to impress them. Okay, so the kid, so you pick up this shit. Yeah, yeah. As a result you get employee of the month. Does that get handed to you immediately because you've touched human shit or did they make you sweat it out until the end of the month to find out?

No, it was, they just sort of said it. I don't think it was a real thing. I mean, Frank picked up two shits, so. I like to think the idea of people, employees there are now taking shits in aisles to try to pick them up themselves to get awards out of it. Scotty Cam's not getting this again. What did you, did you get anything for it?

Like some workplaces give you like a voucher or whatever. I think it was genuinely $25 for the week of work. Yes. They had that rule. It was five bucks a day or something. Yeah. It was minimum, yeah. They had to pay you $5 a day.

Yeah. Oh, man. What an awful work experience. Which, to be fair, is a little bit more than what they pay at Target anyway. Yeah, exactly. And, yeah, I caused more damage than – Sorry, you were about to say you sliced an entire – I sliced a bunch of DVDs open because I was opening the box

and I'd never opened a box with a knife before. So I just sliced down the back of a whole bunch of DVDs and then kicked the box underneath the shelf so that no one would find it. So, which is worse, like the stock being lost is... Look, I don't know what happened to that. What DVD? Jumanji or...? It was actually a video game.

It was Gran Turismo 4, which are more expensive than DVDs, I guess. Oh, my gosh. I remember that. Right. Well, you got your money's worth. I like how you didn't think that Carl was going to be able to relate to a story that featured a video game in it. So you just, oh, DVD, mate.

You'd get that, wouldn't you? A box of film reels. I've heard of them. Yeah. Yeah. So how long did you work At Target for in the end? Not long Like less than three months

Probably I did something comparable To be fair Work experience Because you know Like you said Claire There is You know

You try and get Like a cool job Because they just sort of Let you in It's not something realistic I did a couple How many work experiences Did you do?

Was it two or three years in a row? You do it? I only did one in year 10. I think every school would be different, right? Yeah, I feel like I did two. I actually I have a vague memory that you're allowed to do two if you took up some of your

school holidays. You're allowed to do work if you do it on your holidays. Wow, what a sweet deal. Yeah, shut up. I remember what the other one was. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah, shut up. I should have gone to Big W as well. I don't remember what the other one was. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah, right. Where did you go?

I can't remember. What I remember is that I did two, but I can't remember for sure what the second one was. So I suspect that it was my – yeah, I reckon it would have been my mum's mate's Montessori primary school. Right. Which I then went on to work at the year after I finished school. So I think that's why I'm not remembering it properly as a memory.

But the one that I did that wasn't that good was I wanted to try an advertising agency, but when you're doing like a local one, it's, you know, like it's all, it's not the glamorous making TV commercials life you thought it was going to be. It's like really. Bob's trucks. Posting letters on, yeah, for like so-and-so's, we pick up your junk, this is the phone number.

Yeah. Not that I hated it, but I didn't. I was like. I had a similar thing at agency. Oh, you did at agency too. It was me getting, being given like the proofs of like a Bunnings catalogue. Yeah. And having to like check like the measurements on the,

like just basically just the stuff that no one else can be bothered doing. So like make sure this picture of a lawnmower is exactly two centimetres from the edge. Did you get to do bromiding as well on the bromide machine or is it that much? Like, I'm older than you, right? Yes. Yeah.

So, they must have, because were you doing stuff that was, like, scanning into computers? Because we were just ahead of that. I wasn't even trusted to scan stuff. I just would get stuff put up on a screen for me and they would go just look at all this and make sure it's okay. I basically had to like spell check and just do all this stuff. Picking up human shit on advertising. Yes, I know what they are.

I know the name but I didn't personally use them. But I know what you mean because I started learning graphic design before there was the all-around use of computers. Yeah, right. Because basically because the teachers would then go, well, we don't know everything to do with computers so we will teach you what we know still. Yeah, which is old school.

And the old school bromide machine was like the way that somebody gave you an actual photo. Yeah. And you had to put it through the bromide machine to make it something that could be printed onto a newspaper. Right. Because people weren't sending you a digitised photo and you couldn't just get the photo and digitise it.

It was like, it was a way of turning it into a newspaper ad. No, because I don't sending you a digitised photo and you couldn't just get the photo and digitise it. It was like, it was a way of turning it into a newspaper ad. I don't understand any of this. Yeah, what is bromide? I have no, it sounds like an energy drink for douchebags. Or sismide. Okay, but how good is this? Cal Wilson has been doing comedy a lot longer than me.

When she started out in comedy, when you were doing a festival show, you had to get your photo printed out like a whole lot of proofs of your photo and put them in self-addressed envelopes, send them to all the media outlets with a self-addressed envelope in the middle and when they were done with them, they posted them all back to you. That's how it used to work.

Oh, wow. Because you couldn't attach a photo. That's how it used to work. It would be easier just to turn up to every place and go, take a photo of me and keep it Why do you need them back? I don't know that answer They're expensive I guess

I suspect because actually they're expensive Enough that you're like sending them out Like six months later My work experiences were When I was in year 10 I thought I wanted to be a journalist So I did work experience. You would have been the worst.

This cunt Obama, he's fucking, what a prick, blah, blah, blah. He doesn't sound that bad. And now you kind of are. You have dreams and you report back about them on this show. Yes, yes. I'm a hard-hitting journalist. It's real gonzo shit. You just go right into the dream. I'm just reporting on myself every week.

I wanted to be a journalist so then I went on work experience to the Meribah Advertiser which relieved me of my dream of becoming a journalist. I just went out and was in a car with people. We'd go to farmers and be like, yeah, yeah, someone knocked off our post

box. Cool. Alright. I fucking hate journalism now. That's the end. And I would come back and sit in this room and there was like – It still sounds like a more exciting story than what I'd expect there to be going on in Maryborough. Yeah, sure. Stolen postbox. That's huge. That's some Mount Thomas level shit.

To be honest, I juiced it up a little bit to sound interesting. Someone was looking at our postbox weird. Yeah. So I sat in a room. I had a desk and they had all the journals Of like the history Of the Mirror Bar Advertiser Underneath the desk

And I was not doing very much So I just went through And looked for my name Everywhere And then cut it out And put it in my wallet So now there is no record Of me in any

In any of the journals Oh you don't exist Yeah Right Because I was just like Oh yeah cool I like my name I'll cut that out of like

Sports scores And stuff like that and just went, oh, this will be cool. And then realised, oh, there's no record of me in the journals at all anymore. So you're growing up in a small country town and at what age do you start to realise, oh, this town's actually like pretty boring and there's not a lot... Never. At what age...

Because that was going to be my question is like, you sound like you were bored by the stuff you were doing. What did you expect to be covering down at the Maryborough Advertiser? Oh, yeah. Look, I didn't know what to expect. I just thought I could sit there and write and do stuff but it was just very boring. I just, you know, you look at – I was looking at Superman cartoons and seeing Clark Kent and going, oh, this is what it's like. I just write a few articles and then I fly home.

But it's not like that. Didn't the Maryborough Advertiser print a story that was like, podcast drives around the town for a day when you guys went there? No, it wasn't an article. It was a letter. It was a complaint. Someone who listens right in. So I can't wait to see what feedback this episode gets.

I think they fucked up my letterbox. But then, so I did that. So that was disappointing and I didn't want to be a journalist anymore. So the next year I did something very Adam Knox-like. My parents always had small businesses in Maryborough. that was disappointing and I didn't want to be a journalist anymore so the next year I did something very Adam Knox like my parents my parents always had small businesses in Maribor so they had about

four or five small businesses and they gradually got worse as time went on like they had this really great deli and then they had this really great coffee shop

and then they had like a decent shoe shop and then they had a health food shop and then in the end and I think I've talked about this before they had a reject shop they had like a two dollar shop yeah like they called it rejects and so

everyone would come in would go what's wrong with this this is fucked what's wrong with it it's like nothing's wrong with it it's just cheap reject means cheap it's a way of getting you in and making you know that this will be a cheap item so people would just it's weird that the reject shop being a chain would have had to put up with that for a long time. I always thought that was... I've never really thought about it until just now that it isn't that. Yeah, but then... Because there was... Remember there was Bilo...

Oh, no, not quite right. And that was all like fucked up cans and whatever. Yeah, NQR came along and did the same thing. It's like, stop telling the consumer that everything in here is shit house. It doesn't matter. It's just cheap. But they don't care because they're sitting up in their ivory towers that are not quite right.

Their wobbly ivory towers. It's all the employees that have to deal with those questions. Their ivory tower that's like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just not quite there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Off-white. Off-ivory.

So I did my work experience in the reject shop, in Chandler's Rejects, which is perfect timing when you're like 16-year-olds, 16-year-old and all your friends are 16, just the right age to be going, yeah, fucking you're a reject yourself. You're in the shop. You're a reject.

That is a brutal move by your parents to do that at that age. They couldn't have picked a worse time in your development. Totally. So that was my work experience. And I copped the same thing. I'd come back to school and they're like, yeah, I'm not sure if that really counts as work experience. I'm like, I worked.

I experienced work. I believe that is what it says on the tin. I did work experience at an animation studio and I coloured in some frames digitally of a Freddo Frog ad that they were making at the time. Oh, sick. That's actually cool. Yeah.

I saw that Freddo Frog ad when he was like bright purple. This is the thing. Years later I ended up going and doing bits and pieces of work here and there at the same place. And I was like, they had like a frame from that ad on the thing and I'm like, oh, yeah, I remember, you know, I coloured most of that. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, what?

And they're like, oh, look, you know, you're old enough to handle this now. We had to redo all of it because you made his colours all fucked. And I'm like, yeah, I was trying to like jazz him up a bit. They're like, no, Freddo has a strict set of colours that he has to be. He can't come in as a 16-year-old and just fucking start wilding out. What if he's got a weed leaf on him now? What if he's got his dick hanging out? What if he has these really big high-top Reeboks on?

Let's give him tits. Well, I did, when I was in uni, we had to do work experience as well. So I was at Ballarat Uni had to do work experience as well. So I was at Ballarat Uni and then I went to – man, it's such a humiliating sort of a thing to ask for work experience as well, don't you think? Yeah. Because you know you're just putting people out. Yeah. They don't want you in there.

Not a target. They needed the fucking hands. Yeah, yeah, sure. Sure. Anything that's close to what you want to do. Even Chandler's Rejects didn't want me. Yeah, you're just going to get in the way And there's very little they turned out Are you sure they didn't want you or did you just get a letter from them and read the top that said Chandler's Rejects

and went oh well they've rejected me Yeah my mum sent me a letter So I did work experience at a place in Melbourne when I was doing graphic design at uni and it was just that thing of you just ringing up places in the phone book going, oh, this is a graphic design place. They'll take me, surely?

No, no, no. So I finally found a place and when I get there, it's not until I get there that I find out they don't strictly do graphic design, which I was learning, you know, like print-based graphic design. It was all website stuff, of which I had had absolutely zero training in. So I get there and they go, do you know web stuff? I'm like, no.

And they go, oh. Okay, well, you can sit in the meeting room and colour this in maybe? And, like, I was just doing – it was just busy work. It was like I was back in kindergarten. This is kind of what you do at the project, isn't it? No. You colour in the logo that they put up on screen each night. I colour in Willeek, yes.

So, does that get taken out? I guess it does. No, your intentions were pure. Yeah, yeah. So I, yeah, man, for a week it was just me staying on a mate's couch who my mate was like hardcore unemployed. So he was just up all night ordering Pizza Hut pizzas and smoking bongs all night.

All night? Yeah, honestly. That makes it sound like he's ordering a pizza every hour and a half. Oh, man. Well, he was smoking bongs all night. So, yeah, he probably was. And he was out of control. Do you know where he is today? What, he – and he was out of control and – yes.

Do you know where he is today? What's he up to now? Oh, man. Yeah, I bet he's a CEO or something and you're on a podcast going, this dipshit. Yeah, right? It's going to be one or the other, isn't it? I would so bet a lot of money not that.

Okay, right. Yeah, yeah. This is a guy who I don't have anything to do with anymore and he – I remember he was then working at some point during that as well, but he was still staying up all night and smoking bongs and eating pizza at pizzas. And I distinctly remember this is how he would prepare himself to get up in the morning. He would get up having had no sleep and then go to the kitchen

and put his head under the tap and force his eyeballs open and turn the cold tap on as hard as he could. And that would be his process of waking up in the morning. Absolutely insane. You live with a dude from Clockwork Orange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's terrifying. That's worse than Clockwork Orange.

He was just forcing his eyes open to watch movies. This guy was putting on a flat out tap into his eyeballs. Yeah. Is that a weed thing do you do that to get rid of the the blood the bloodshot yeah maybe i i don't surely he should go to the shower and look up yeah why did he do it in the kitchen tap maybe because he was smoking bongs all night i've never been able to work out if this works or not but when i worked at a burger place chopping onions and you know you start crying someone told me that you if

you put it if you turn a tap on and you just put your eye near that it's like because the whatever the fumes or whatever from the onion or like it's moisture that they go for yeah so that'll transfer it over and i still to this day i can't work out whether that was genuine advice or someone at that job just fucking with me because then they get to come in and see me just like staring at a stream of water all those things are placebos i think like they say if you if you like grip your thumb like you're doing a fist wrong then you don't have a gag reflex and that's bullshit you still do that's that's meant to be a thing though apparently Right. Apparently. Right. Hey, guys. Just a little break from your scheduled programming just to say, hey, at the top of the show,

we described how we are part of the Just for Laughs Sydney Festival. We certainly did describe it. Yes. Now, they have brought this episode to you today. And, of course, because we are part of it, you guys love it. It's the most prestigious comedy festival in the world. It's come to Sydney. And it's not just us.

It's not another Koh Samui job where we're the only people part of it. Wait, what? Yeah, there's other people. How could there possibly be any need to have anyone else in this thing? Some people like to do things differently from us, believe it or not. So at the Opera House, you get to see us, of course, but there are other massive shows there are some of the biggest names

in the biz. There is the huge Kevin Bridges if you like Kevin Bridges if you like your British comedy he was huge when he came out

to Melbourne a couple of years ago he's got a massive massive fan base he actually you know what he played if you're a fan of him

he played for our indoor soccer side when he came out a couple of years ago which sometimes happens when the big names come out especially Europeans

and they want to play a game they'll come and play for our comedian only indoor soccer side Greg Larson's Rat World yeah that's the name and so you think

this piece of information might inspire people to buy tickets to go see his show well just for those people that come along to watch our team and didn't know

he was a comic yeah come along travel up to Sydney to see if you like team and didn't know he was a comic, yeah, come along. Travel up to Sydney to see if you like the way he played soccer. He had a good touch. He was a little bit slow. Hey, I don't know if the Just for Laughs Festival would want me to condone this kind of behaviour. Maybe bring a soccer ball in midway through the show.

Just lob it up there on stage. Not bad. See how he handles it. I wouldn't mind. Let's figure out finally who's a better player between me and Kevin Bridges. Yes, great. So also, it's not just him. It's not just the soccer festival guys.

There's also massive names like Joel McHale. There's Reece Darby. There's Bert Kreischer. Kreischer, yeah. Kreischer, yeah, yeah. There's the All-Star Gala hosted by Yuzi. And, of course, we talked to Claire Hooper. Yes, yes. Today about the fact that she's doing a show with Mel Buttle. and of course we talked to Claire Hooper today

about the fact that she's doing a show with Mel Buttle. There's a big showcase show with a lot of people doing spots that's filmed for the comedy channel. It's filmed for comedy. Yeah. So there's a lot of people doing spots there. So it's a nice showcase gig which you can get discount tickets for after you buy a ticket to our show. Yes.

Actually. Very exciting. And of course, so that's all straight stand-up. It's not just we're the only podcast there. There is more than us. There is also, Tommy, there is also our fine friends over at the TOEFOP podcast. Yes. There's Will Anderson and Charlie Clawson are doing a big old show.

So go along and see that. And the super popular podcast, My Favourite Murder. Yeah. Is doing a live podcast there as well. So get along to that. I think pretty much all of this stuff happens within like the same kind of three or four days. It is. The whole festival goes from September 11, the comedy day, to September 17.

So it's a short little festival. It's all jam-packed in there. So we're on the Thursday. I think Tofop's on the Friday. I think Hoops' thing and Mel Bartles' is on the Wednesday. So yeah, if you're around. And then there's heaps of those galas and the stand-up shows are on the weekend. So you can take a long weekend.

Come on up from interstate if you're wanting to go see all this stuff. If you're coming to see us, I'm sure there's a show on before us because we're on at 9.30. So go and see a big double. See us and see someone else. There's a bit of a warm-up to us. Go see a movie during the day. There'll probably be good stuff on then.

We're not sponsored by movies. We haven't been hit up by movies.com. I'm saying don't go and see movies actually. Wow. I only see things that have paid us to say these things. Okay.

Well, I'll try and get some funding from Spider-Man in the next week. Please. I would love some Spider-Man cash. Yeah. All of that stuff is

you can find those details at justforlifesydney.com. I believe that's the website. That is it. And of course, you know,

like that is the Just for Last brand. It's the biggest in the world. So this is the one week in the year where it comes to Sydney and they drag out some of the biggest names and all that sort of stuff. It's going to be an awesome week. It's all in the super prestigious Opera House of which, of course, we are very excited to be part of. I genuinely am looking forward to doing our thing

and then being able to go and see a bunch of the other stuff that's on there. Yeah. I'm particularly excited about Joel McHale. I think he'll be very good. I'm particularly excited about being in a hotel room. Yeah. What, right now? No, when we go up there.

Because we get put up in a hotel room. It's cool. In a nice hotel. Yeah. So maybe we should sell tickets to that. Come and hang out in our hotel room. Come and hang out in our hotel. We could always like, you know,

crash at a friend's house and then we just like on-sell the hotel room that we both have. Let's not say that at least out loud on a recorded medium. But let's think about it.

That's going to be great. Yeah, justforlifesydney.com Get your tickets. And who knows with the live podcast, you know, you're running out of time to get a ticket to our show.

You know what? Out of all those people we read out, maybe some of them are on our show. So we certainly are going to a big effort to make it a big show. It won't be bloody, you know, some open mic from bloody Melbourne that we get at the last minute. Well, I mean, let's not can our chickens before they've hatched. Okay, sure. You may well see that happen, actually.

Yeah, guys, check that out and enjoy the rest of this episode. What about this? We run comedy gigs. We've been bringing that up a little bit more lately than usual. So, Tommy, you've got your catfish comedy in Melbourne on a Tuesday night. I've got a cavalcade of gigs. I've got a bit to do with Comedy Explained on a Monday. Carl'scomedycavalcade.com is where people can find all the information for that.

Oh, man, don't say that. Someone will buy that and I won't be able to get it. But do you want it? Do you care? Why don't you just get chandlersrejects.com? Dot biz. Pop some gigs on there. Dot Mirabar.

Chandler dot reject. I think someone's bought drdrramsey.com, by the way. Oh, really? Great. Pretty soon because of this podcast, our listeners will have bought up the entire internet. Everything we've said. Just some stuff we've talked internet. Everything we've said. Just some stuff we've talked about.

Everything we've said. So, and my gigs are Thursday Comedy Club on a Thursday and Basement Comedy Club on a Saturday. And both those gigs are at the European Beer Cafe, the lovely folk there on Exhibition Street in Melbourne. Now, this is what happened last week which particularly took my fancy. If anyone's ever been on a Thursday night, they'll know that when you walk in, you're sort of on the second level and then there's a rooftop as well. So where I sit on the door, I'll sit on the door and take the money and put the little stamp, a little smiley stamp on your wrist if you're paying your little $12 on a Thursday

night. So as I'm the sort of guardian of the door there, there is a stairwell that's going up to the rooftop. sort of guardian of the door there, there is a stairwell that's going up to the rooftop. Now, this is one of the highlights of my Thursday. If I hear a big noise, a big sort of impact and I go, someone's fallen at the top of the stairs. Now I get to watch someone roll down.

And I've seen it happen a few times. No. Yeah. You've seen more than one roll down the stairs? Yes. No. This year I've seen more than one. Isn't that like an ambulance situation where people fall down stairs? Yeah, they're not short flights there.

I know, and it's a big one. So a couple of weeks ago I heard a big smash, and then it's just that thing. You know, it's like that thing that people talk about, maybe if you get hit in the groin and you just sort of go and you wait a couple of seconds, you're like, oh, it's not going to hurt. Oh, that really hurts now.

It's like that. You hear the big smash. You know, Claire. So you hear the big smash you know claire so you hear the big smash and then you are just waiting to see if something happens so i hear the big smash and then i just see this big lady just roll down like a barrel down the stairs go boom boom boom boom bang at the bottom and i'm like oh fuck that's so good so then there's a bit of an alert where people are all around someone's chasing her down the stairs as well there's a lot of people and I'm thinking this is great but then

I go oh I'm gonna have to deal with them because they're probably coming into the comedy and then it's like do I give them a discount because they head planted on the ground or like what's the what's the deal there you were gonna tell a story on this podcast one day just like I tortured this dog the other day and it was so much fun.

It was looking at me real weird as I was doing it. I'm like, what? I cut his legs off and he looked like a little barrel and I pushed him down the stairs. Animals are cool, but people are not. So, this woman goes bang, bang, bang. So, everyone's flooding around her and whatever and it's like,

oh, wow. And then they start to sort of move off and they don't come to comedy. I'm like, oh, sweet. I get to see the smash and I don't have to deal with anything else. I think this story officially makes you a sociopath. No. This is so many of the boxes are being checked. No.

I won the Logie. Everybody loves me. Fuck you, old woman. So she then moves off and they try their luck and go down the next set of stairs. They try their luck. Yeah. So people were – What are they going to do?

Well, we'd better stay on this level forever. So people – We clearly can't be trusted with these things. Well, they should have come into the comedy anyway. Wow, that hurt. I could really use some cheering up. Oh, a comedy show. Perfect.

Exactly. So someone walks past and I – You know what? If I were you, I would have given her a smiley face stamp even though she wasn't coming show. Perfect. Exactly. So someone walked past and I – You know what? If I were you, I would have given her a smiley face stamp even though she wasn't coming in. Right. Just run over and go, I saw that. That's amazing.

This woman face down, just pool of blood pouring out of her. And Chandler, I'm going to have to give her a fucking discount, aren't I? I'm making six bucks less out of this gig. Come in and enjoy some comedy. She was with like five or six other people. So if I give her the discount, I'd have to give everyone a discount. They'll understand. You'll be rolling in the aisles.

Come on in. You've done enough rolling, actually. Just stay on your feet. Do you want to put this out there publicly? If people come to your gig and throw themselves down the stairs for your amusement, you'll let them in for half price? I've just said no. No, I won't.

Think how good your life would be? I can't make that clear enough. Look, how about you just set some boundaries Like if you fall down It is a maximum of three other guests That you can bring through On your fall down Okay

Okay If you throw yourself down the stairs You get in for free If you bring five friends And the friends don't have to Throw themselves down the stairs You get in for free Throwing yourself down the stairs And bringing five in for free throwing yourself down the stairs and

bringing five friends. Yes. Okay. What do I get if I headbutt a wall in front of you? I don't want to just make this a huge like, come and injure yourself! I'll let you in. Welcome to crash test dummy comedy. No, nothing of headbutting a wall because I feel like that could

get me in trouble because it'd be damage to the wall maybe. Oh yeah. But just imagine your life from now on. Every Thursday night you're taking people's money and then like one out of every five people you're like 12 bucks and they're like, no, no, just give me two minutes. Just watch this, mate. And then they walk up and then you just hear boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Someone comes in and they're short of money.

Oh, I've only got six bucks. Hey, mate. You know what to do. Get entire crowds. I don't make the rules. Well, I've only got six bucks. Hey, mate. You know what to do. Get entire crowds. I don't make the rules. Well, I do. So that happens, right? And people are walking past and I'm going, fuck, did you see that?

Did you see the big fat woman that fell down the stairs? Fucking hell. Are you saying that to people you know or just patrons of the comedy? No patrons. Well, there was one person I didn't know that was like coming in with them because they weren't with them but they just saw it. There are so many triggers in the sentence. Did you see that big fat woman who fell down the stairs?

It's like there's a facial expression that's okay to do with that sentence and the face you're doing now, it's not okay. That sentence sounds like one of those old nursery rhymes you're kind of not allowed to sing anymore because it's gotten a bit offensive in the years since. This is the song of the south of podcasting. It's catch a tiger by the toe now. I do love something about the phrase saying big, fat, whatever. It's like you've already got fat in there.

You don't need to put big at the start of it. So I mentioned it to a couple of people as they're going by. Then about five, ten minutes later, one of the staff at European Beer Cafe come past and go, oh, we heard that someone may have done a bit of damage to themselves and fell down the stairs. Is that right? I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Someone rolled down the stairs and, like, really hurt themselves as they come down. And they go, right. So when did this happen? How long ago did this happen? And I go, oh, like, exactly. And I go, oh, look, I reckon it would have been probably eight minutes ago. Check the timestamps on the photos and video I took.

Yeah. Well, I said maybe eight minutes ago. And they go, oh, right. Okay. So they're, right. Okay. Thank you. And then they took off down the stairs.

And then about half an hour later, they come back and go, thanks for telling me about how long ago it was. We just checked the video in the video bank and we all had a big laugh. Fuck, that was funny. How good was that? So it's not just me that's bad in this story. There was staff at the venue who went and watched that over and over. The whole environment is toxic.

Hooray. I've had stuff like that happen in venues. I can't remember specifically what it was, but I took a big stack on something in a pub once and I really wanted to go back in to the venue the next day and go, I was in here last night I did myself an absolute mischief can I go in and watch the tapes because I've got a feeling that it's oh it was I was sitting around in a group of people on a like at an outdoor bar in Perth and it

was like like kind of one of those outdoor bars with it it's all like shipping crates and stuff so everything's kind of like a different level does that make sense yeah like so and I'm kind of like leaning back not realizing that the bit that we're sitting on kind of like a different level. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm kind of like leaning back, not realising that the bit that we're sitting on kind of goes, like disappears right behind my chair. So I've leaned back and just absolutely like, and my feet as they've gone up, I've kicked the table up, shit's gone everywhere and like the people I was with

were just fucking losing it for the rest of the night and then I woke up the next morning and couldn't, and like because I, for causing it, I actually it, I actually got the worst view of it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's like I just regret that I didn't get to see it. I'll tell you what. I fell over at one of Carl Chandler's gigs.

Oh. I was five months pregnant and fell down the stairs at the one on Little Burke. Did I give you the discount? No, I was leaving. And I've just pieced it together. Five months pregnant, by the way. I fell down the stairs. I've just pieced it together.

You do not do gigs without stairs if you can possibly help it, do you? You go into the meeting, you suss it out. They're like, oh, we'll give you three grand for putting it on. All you've got to do is guarantee 50 people in and out. Three grand? Yeah, I know. I'm painting you a picture of a very lucrative gig and then you look around and you're like,

God, there's no stairs, not even on the way to the toilet. No, sir. No, I guess there is, you know... Can we set up some tripping hazards? Yeah. I think, I guess comedy... Yeah, like just a two inch level drop. Leave a couple of skateboards out.

Get Macaulay Culkin to come down here and just really set up a nice little obstacle course for the kids. Yeah, yeah. If you can just walk on stage and perform, you just have to walk through the rotating knives, obviously. It's much more awkward if you fall and nobody laughs. I got on a tram when it was raining once and the bit on the, you know, the first bit on the tram, the floor. and the bit on the, you know, the first bit on the tram, the floor. The floor was really slippery and I fell over and immediately like kind of looked around and be like, It's funny because you're a big fat lady.

Yeah. Did anyone type this? I was wearing my Mrs. Doubtfire get up at the time and I fell over and then everyone was complete, it was a full tram and everyone was completely silent and not even like, oh, no, he might have hurt himself, just like that fuckwit. Yeah, yeah.

Like an angry and I fell over and kind of went like, oh, what a doofus, you know, and tried to sort of be like, ha-ha, laugh it off. Come on, let's get a moment of togetherness out of this. So maybe why they- You're just desperately trying to get them to laugh so you're getting up and you're like, look, why don't they make the whole point out of the black box?

That might have been why they didn't laugh now that I'm saying it out loud because from their perspective a dude fell over and immediately went, ha-ha! Maybe they thought you'd been to clowning school and they just didn't want to encourage you. I'm totally with you. It's the worst when you don't get and the number of – because I fell over and I was five months pregnant

and it just makes everyone go, ooh. Yeah. Like nobody's laughing, which makes it hurt all the more. We need to – And I broke a chair when I was pregnant as well and, like, that's funny. From sitting on it? I sat on a chair and I was too heavy. Yeah, we need to introduce a more public policy.

If someone stacks it, you've got to laugh at them. Equal opportunity laughter. Don't look at them and go, oh, you're a vulnerable member of society. Just laugh at them, right? Even if it's old people, they might have died, but what a way to go out. It's still funny. It is particularly bad as a comic that you

fall over, fall off a chair, and you still can't buy a laugh doing that. We were talking last night, there's a guy that we know that was doing a gig. There's a famous video that's done the rounds in the stand-up community of a guy that we know doing stand-up at the Falls Festival years ago in a tent. And he's off his head. Like he's been drinking all day.

He can't string a sentence together. He's bombing. No one knows what's going on. And you'll tell me who this is after we start recording, right? I don't think it's more. I think he's been more than drinking, by the way. Right. Yeah, he's fucked.

And then he, as he he – what does he do? He just kind of like steps back and slips and just falls off the stage. Like stacks it. And I was saying, would that not be the worst comedy death where you're dying in the ass, you're doing your best gear, none of it's working, it's been a great night so far, you're absolutely eating shit, and then you fall off the stage and even that doesn't get a laugh.

Well, that didn't get a laugh on the video because it's an actual dangerous thing. He falls off but when he gets back on, he comes back on triumphantly and that's when he gets the response. Because he actually falls off like a four foot, five foot stage. If anyone, I've fallen on stage. It was one of my biggest ever gigs and I was wearing really slippery shoes and my ten minutes went reasonably well in front of like 1,500 people. It was like an early roadshow gig.

It was so exciting for me. Sorry, a what? What? It was a what gig? Like an early roadshow gig. Not really. Roadshow. Roadshow.

What's that? Oh, right. Meant to mention that here. She gets it Yeah Okay Anyway the point is His emergency's in Perth

And it was a big gig And I Tommy are you getting any of this I don't know Anyway We'll go with it I fell over I fell over on stage

In front of the audience Walking out to the mic No Afterwards Did a decent set I don't know That's fucked But if you were leaving as well

You can't even make a joke out of it because you have to go. You can't go back to the mic and be like, whoops, did you see what happened? I know, right. Well, but luckily, I mean, it was at the – actually, I've fallen over a number of times on stage now that I think about it. But that was kind of the biggest audience.

Yeah, what's good, Adam, is that I was heading to get the mic stand to put it back in the centre of the stage. Right. So I had that like opportunity. I was like leaving technically but I had at least this like moment to go blah, blah, blah and then walk off stage. Yeah. But it wasn't good.

I'd invited this guy to crush on. Oh, really? Yeah. Your now husband or another person? No, God no. That was ages ago. Oh, right. No.

I've tripped and nearly stacked it on the way to the mic stand. Oh, see, that's... And you see the response and you go, fuck, well, the pressure's on now. It really is. It is. It's so... You don't want people to go, it all kind of went downhill after he nearly fell over. Someone told me about a comic...

But people do worry. Someone told me about a comic yesterday that maybe it was like on the first night of his comedy festival show, he walked out to the mic and tripped and that got a big laugh. And so he then went, right, and then on purpose did it for the rest of the row. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How embarrassing is that?

No, I was with you when you heard that story. I don't think that was his festival show. I think that was just him, like, comedy. Like, it happened at a gig once. Right. And then he just now does it every single gig. Right. He just trips when he walks out.

That is interesting. Imagine watching someone trip on purpose and you look at him and go, you just did that on purpose. Yeah, that's a really difficult thing to act well, I feel like. It's really hard. Imagine going to clown school to learn how to trip at the start of your comedy set better. I did it. I shouldn't have started because I realised that I've got to say the sentence,

I was part of an improv troupe. I was part of an improv troupe that got corporate work. Hey, everybody, we're Bro Mind Business. How you doing? Yes, I am, shit house. We got corporate work up in Port Hedland and we flew up there and we were doing the gig and the gang was like, so we'll all run on stage.

Here I am. And then you do it last but if you fall over as you come on, it'll be hilarious. And I was like, no probs. And you say it's hard to make it look real. I nailed it but it actually was too good. The entire room was like, oh. And then we couldn't get them back for the entire 20 minute corporate

set. It was a big mistake. I wouldn't do it again. I would caution young comedians against faking a fall. You're saying tripping over made people not laugh at improv. I reckon that would have probably happened if you didn't trip over. So this is an improv set and you're going in with some pre-written tripping over gear.

Oh. It was very on the spot. It was as we. It was very on the spot. It was as we were, because if we had thought about it, we probably would have gone, no, let's just start with a joke. But we. To be fair, it's pretty hard to write a good trip over. Like, how do you spell that properly?

Yeah. I think what's, if you've ever tripped over on the way to the mic, I'm just going to put it out there. I reckon, see, I reckon if it were a guy, it would have been fine, but there's something, there's a little intake of breath at a corporate gig when you're a woman already. Like not to go all gender, but like they're like, oh, I hope she'll be okay, right?

And then if you trip and you're a girl, it's too much. If it had been a dude, it would have been like, ah, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but truly. And so I actually put it to you, Tommy Daslow, that experience that you had tripping over as you went to the mic, that's what it feels like to be a woman in some comedy gigs. Ah, interesting.

Yeah. You approach the mic. Fuck, you guys got it tough. Because everyone like straight away goes like, is this person going to be an idiot? Not in Tommy's rooms and Carl's rooms, but there are some things that you do and you watch the audience look at you like you've just tripped over a little bit.

That's why I'm equal opportunity. I laughed at that fat woman that fell over. Thank you. And the sisterhood appreciates it. For the sisterhood. But true. True. Equal opportunity. Laugh at everyone that falls over. Definitely. What about this? We've talked about this on the show. I'm not sure if we've raised this little

bit of detail, but we are recording this at Casa del Allsop today. We are at Tommy Daslow's home studio. We are a very, very short walk, a very easy walk for everyone, but probably Adam Knox from the corner shop. I can walk. I'm capable of motion. Well, downhill.

I break chairs sometimes. There is a corner shop up there, a milk bar, that has been known to sell things separately that is not supposed to sell things. Oh, not for individual sale. What do they do? They do all the ice creams that are not for individual sale ones. They were selling, you know, like the Herald Sun will kind of every now

and then they'll do like a get your token and get your free Roald Dahl book. They were doing that recently. They had a surplus of Roald Dahl books. They were doing that recently. They had a surplus of Roald Dahl books they were just selling for five bucks a pop after the promotion. Amazing. So you're supposed to get for free out of the paper. Amazing. I know that now this is insane but I've been meaning to bring this up.

This is my theory of what's happened recently. They're cunts. I went in to get – I don't know why they would be doing this. It's just a hunch I have. I went in and I went to get a bottle of sparkling water, but the top, like the seal on the lid had already been broken. Yes. And I went, are they just filling it up?

Do they have a soda stream out the back? No. And they're filling this up with like homemade sparkling water. Where do you get the bottles? I bet I asked. That's insane. I know it's insane. I feel it.

I'm feeling you. I reckon, yeah. I reckon, yeah. Where are they getting the empty bottles from's insane. I know it's insane. I feel it. I'm feeling you. I reckon, yeah. I reckon, yeah. Where are they getting the empty bottles from? You know what they're probably also doing? Opening up the Coke, putting Pepsi in the bottles instead. No, LA Ice. Terax.

I'm tempted to see if I can profit. Take some old batteries down and go, what do you reckon? What will you buy these for? A secondhand milk bar. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, this is my new revelation down there.

I went there the other day. You know what they're now doing for separate sale now, for individual sale? What have you got? Selling Cadbury favourites. Oh, really? They're opening up the boxes of chocolates. Never been for individual sale.

No, no. Well, you can't buy Morrow bars. We sell our gum by the stick. They're going to be selling just cigarettes, individual cigarettes next, I reckon. They do. Milk bars do. A lot of milk bars do that.

Oh, do they? Yeah. That was a big thing when I was at school and you'd have the friends that smoke. It's like, well, you can't, you're a kid. You don't have enough money for a full deck. So you just go and buy like individual cigarettes. How's that though?

They're busting open Rose's chocolates, boxes of fucking chocolates and selling them bit by bit. It's a fascinating ongoing saga. I really want to see where they – because we haven't – we definitely haven't seen the peak of their thriftiness yet. There's more to come. They're really owning that the sum of the parts is worth more than the total.

They're breaking everything. They're like a fucking junkyard. They're breaking everything down. Oh, yeah. They're like a fucking junkyard. They're breaking everything down. Oh, yeah, they're like a wreckers. Yeah. Adam and Oxy are the same as me. Like I'm somewhat listening to this conversation, but mostly I'm just like I'm going to go down

and get a couple of favourite stuff. One cigarette? We should all go in. She'll lose her mind. One cigarette and a Muro bar. Yeah, I can't wait. They've got a great electronic section up the back of like cables and stuff.

No. I needed to go and buy one once like at the very last minute for this because something had broken. And it was like the – man, you could barely – like the little plastic window that you can see the cord through, you could barely see through it. It was so caked in dust. And like, yeah, it's all just like – it's all like aux cords and stuff

that have been sitting there since about 1992. It's a three-metre cord. You've got to buy it one metre at a time. It's all chopped up. I want to go in there and try and see if I can buy something separately that's not separately already and make a new marker for it. Go in there and buy a biscuit. Yeah, okay.

I wouldn't put it past her to be opening up boxes of shapes and just putting them into five smaller little plastic bags. It's a real racket she's got running in there. Can I get six grains of rice, please? Yeah. That'd be nice. Can you call the cops on someone like that? Well, my mate, growing up, my best friend, his dad was like a,

what was he? He was basically a health inspector, but the, I don't know if this is technically health inspector, but he, during school holidays he would have a job with his dad where they would drive around to like suburban milk bars and he would go in and go, can I please have some cigarettes? And if they went, yeah, his dad would come in and go, right, you're fucked.

Which you'd sort of think like as that kid like, man, pretty scary to like be branding yourself as a narc at the age of 15 because they were going like deep, deep suburban, like, you know, pretty fucking shonky looking milk bars. Mate, I would not have had the balls for that. Yeah. Would you, like if my parents had asked me to do that, I'd be like, no.

But I don't know if I'd have. And you might do it once and then you're like, I don't want to do it anymore. You're also just encouraging your kid that he can go and get away with like buying cigarettes. Yeah. This is how easy it is. Yeah, everything about that is really uncomfortable. He wasn't a footy dad.

He was like a get the fuck out there and get me some smokes. You know how if you've ever watched one of those like To Catch a Predator shows, they have a child actor to be the kid who is, you know, the one who the guy going around there thinks they're going to fuck. Yeah. What parent is going like, hmm, okay. Yeah.

Get in there, Molly. Yeah. Go and pretend to be, well, you are a 14. Maybe they get like 21-year-olds who look 14. Right. That might be the thing to do. There must be a huge thing. Yeah, there must be a huge market for 21-year-olds who look 16.

Yeah. In Hollywood. Yeah. Because there are so many of those roles. Or in human trading. That's probably a big market too. Never mind. Okay.

I always think it's funny in like a comedy film when they've got like a kid who's like obviously eight or whatever and the role is like, it's like popular in kind of like Adam Sandler kind of films and stuff where it's like the joke is an eight-year-old going, fuck off. And it's like, what parent is like putting their kid on celluloid, like doing all the stuff that you've taught your kid, don't do this. And then they're up there doing some really rank shit on the screen.

Yeah, yeah, totally. Would you let your kids do that, Claire? Would you be like full stage mum if they wanted to get into acting? Are you happy to have your kids get into showbiz? I'd discourage it. Falling over professionally. Yeah, professional falling over. What if your kids wanted to join an improv troupe?

Yeah, totally on board. Like, yeah, whatever you think of improv, improv people are by their nature helpful and lovely. Have you ever met one that would like, yeah, I would fully encourage it. I'd be like, well, she's not going to be cool, but she's going to be lovely to be around. And at least at some point she will have to get a real job as well. She's not going to be cool.

Improv people get real jobs. Don't worry, Adam. No. She's not going to be cool. She's not going to be funny, but she'll be helpful. Yeah. Well, because you were in one too, so if your kid asked you, you'd have to say yes and.

Or no but. You can get into stand-up. All right, mate. So displaying some basic knowledge of improv there. Yep, exposing yourself. Yeah, the three-year-old seems a bit too interested. And I mean not too interested. I don't want to condemn the idea.

That's very fun. But yeah, certainly I don't want to stage mum her at all. Not at all. That's gross. And I don't – like she's not – she doesn't make it into my social media. Neither of them do. Nice work. Well, I'm't make it into my social media. Neither of them do. Nice work. Well, I'm just trying to give them, like they can have their own online profile

on their own terms when they're old enough. When they're four. It's a real fork in the road as a modern day parent, isn't it? It's a really tricky one. Because there's no in between. There's nothing wrong with it. There's no people who the kids show up every now and then. It's all or nothing, isn't it?

Yes, it is. Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with it. And I have friends that stick their kids on their Instagram and stuff. And I'm happy to see the pictures of their kids. Are you? Yeah, I am. See, this is the thing.

No, I understand. You don't have kids. But there is something. That's what I'm asking. When you have kids, you are much more open to seeing other people's. Like if you've ever heard someone say, oh, show me a photo of your kids, that means they have kids. Right.

Right? Yeah, well, unless it's Adam Knox. Hey, man, I've got to live my own life my way. Are you happy to see people's kid photos? Well, he looks like it. I like people. I like it when people are happy like that and people always seem to look happy in photos with their kids.

Yeah, that's nice. That was going to be my question. When you have kids, that's when you now want to see other kids because I see my mates and put their kids up and I'm like, unfollow, no interest. Yeah. No, no, no. You're all right with – well, look.

Yeah, I'm not speaking for everyone, but it does seem like once you've had a bubba, then you look at other people's and you're like, oh, yeah, I get it now. They look good. You know, it's like if you'd never – It's like if you're shopping for a car and all of a sudden you see other people's cars, you're like, oh, now I'm interested. Let's say you'd only – yeah, you'd never – It's like if you're shopping for a car and all of a sudden you see other people's cars. You're like, oh, now I'm interested. Let's say you'd only – yeah, you'd never – oh, man.

All right, fine. Let's say you'd never eaten an apple pie in your life. You're like, oh, I feel pretty ambivalent about apple pies. You haven't eaten one. You eat one and then you're like – if your friend's made an apple pie, you're like, show me the picture of your apple pie. Oh, man, delicious, right? Like you – except it's a more acquired taste than an apple pie.

So now I get what that movie American Pie is about. Kids. That's how you make babies. That guy wanted a fucking kid. I get it now. You've got to look at it this way. You follow that account. One day the kid might turn into a big fat woman

and they might post a photo of it falling down the stairs. You've got to play the long game, man. It's just a waiting game. I get it. Right. Well, let's talk about this. We were talking about falling over on stage and embarrassing things that happen on stage before.

Oh, yeah? We have announced this at the start of the show, but we are in, what, like two months? We're doing a live one of these at the Sydney Opera House, which is pretty exciting. Oh, my God. It used to be a place of art and culture. Dame Edna used to perform there.

So I was just thinking this as we were talking. Just so we know, just so everyone knows, Sydney we are going to the Opera House. It is going to be what was the date? Thursday September the 14th. Sweet, I'll be there then. So I mean this is kind of the most

prestigious venue we've ever been invited to be a part of, to perform in. Well, you know, apart from fucking NASA. No, but like what? Yeah. Where else? Good improv. NASA and.

You could do a little bit of yes and, I reckon, Carl. Well, what's comparable? Yeah, okay. Well, this definitely is. So my point is. There are no other venues you've performed at that are used as establishing shots to show you're in Australia. Yeah.

Usually places we perform in are fucking knocked down two months later. Yeah, good point. That's the last place we were in Sydney. So what's something of this, like you're saying, like in front of a big gig of a thousand people like tripping over. There's so many fucking stairs at the front of the opera house, by the way. Imagine someone falling down them. It's not over till the fat lady falls down the stairs.

Yeah, I want to, I mean, I kind of want to stack it on the way. Like, you know, we've got this opportunity to really do something. Like, you know what I mean? Like, imagine doing something that dumb in a venue that prestigious. Climb up the top of one of them eggshell looking things and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, and fall the whole way down. I had a friend get a boner in the middle of a play. There we go.

But you guys were sitting down. Were in the audience? No, no, no. So it was a two-hander. He was on stage. Oh, yeah? It was a two-hander boner. Whoa.

This is a good story. He was on stage for the entire time and he just had to cope with the boner. It was great. Wait, he had the boner the whole time? Oh, I don't think so. Not from memory. That would have been. It happened not, it wasn't from the minute the curtains opened.

Surely part of you as the actor, you'd be going, okay, I'm going to just try and if I make this look like it's on purpose and it's part of the character, I'll get away with it. It didn't fit it. But he kind of didn't, like they kind of couldn't stop. They just kept doing the play and it went away. Was that all part of that thing where you get nervous, just imagine the audience naked and all of a sudden.

So he's in Romeo and Juliet and he's like seen Juliet for the first time and just gone. Yeah, but that's, I mean, you're sitting down. I'd love to wear throughout her. I mean, you've probably had bonus during Dumb Dumb Podcasts. I can say absolutely I have. Why do you think I've got my legs crossed? Yeah, I remember when we were in year, when I did theatre studies in year 11,

we went and saw a performance of the Greek plays Metamorphosis, which was at the MTC. Was that Kafka? No, not Kafka. Oh. It was all, and they're all very sexual and big chunks of it. Is it like it's a trilogy, Metamorphosis? It's the three –

Yeah, and big chunks of it were performed in the nude. Now, you know, we're in year 11, you know, where teenage boys sitting in – expected to be mature enough to sit in a theatre and look at people in the nude writhing around. Okay, tell me – It was a fucking big boner fest in there, I guarantee it. I guarantee it. I guarantee it. And then we had to answer questions about it afterwards.

It's like, oh, the blood wasn't in my head at the time. I can't remember any of the details of the script or the acting or the lighting. Well, with us being at the Opera House, and so you're doing a show as well there. Yeah, the same week. I'll be doing a couple of shows with Mel Buddle. Yeah, a split bill, you and her doing. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, so we'll be in the same building maybe at the same week I'll be doing a couple of shows with Mel Buddle. Yeah, a split bill, you and her doing...

Yeah, interesting. Yeah, so we'll be in the same building maybe at the same time. Who knows? But go to the website. Head to head. Yeah, I actually don't remember... Knox, you'll be there doing your show One Man Pavarotti. Yeah, yeah.

I just walk on stage and everyone goes, nailed it. In contrast to Pavarotti who is how many men? He's played by a conglomerate Of six different people Instead of the blue man group playing Pavarotti Like usual Adam Knox will be playing the part of the blue man group Most of the time it takes six people all huddled together

In one suit to get to that size But I can do it on my own You're just going to need to pop down And get a couple more favourites from the corner shop I do like that someone sent us a message you know given our recent little

you know rise and prestigious gigs that we've got going on someone wrote on our Facebook page just for laughs Sydney and Montreal anyone would think

you boys finally know what you're doing now I can finally sit back and say I actually paid money to see Carl Chandler do jokes in a cloak room years ago

and now look at him he's calling people cunts at the Opera House, which is sweet. But just to be fair, I am still doing stand-up in a fucking cloakroom. It's not like that's changed at all. I'm still doing some very small stand-up gigs. If anything, people have gotten less interested in that. It's the universe trying to tell us to quit stand-up and just go full-time with podcasting.

Yeah, totally. But it is. It's going to be a very exciting thing. But what can we... I mean, we've got to... I mean, it is a great honour to be doing the Opera House and I think it's something that, you know, any performer in this country,

that's the venue that you really want to do. But that being said, I mean, we've got to do something. I want to do something fucking really dumb in there. Yeah, totally. We've got to do something idiotic. So when you're talking about falling over, you didn't actually mean something accidental. You meant a really dumb prank.

A dumb prank or I take a shit on stage, Knox comes out and wipes it up. The Opera House give him Employee of the Month. We give him 25 bucks for the week's work. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It'd be great to set a record. It'd be great to find what's something no one's ever done in the opera house

And we do that as part of our show I think of Oliver Clarke forcing him to vomit into a jar Do you remember that? We can't do that What do you mean you can't do that? I don't know What's this story? I don't know the story

One night at a fancy boy Oliver Clarke's act was him vomiting into a jar And he was kind of meant to do it straight away, but he couldn't do it. So it was just him with his hands down his throat going, and just nothing coming up for like a good six, seven minutes. And then there was like a little bit of bile or something that came up, and he was like, good enough. Let's not do that.

Let's do something else. Why not? All right, fine, because it's been done before. We can throw this out to the – Let's take suggestions from the listeners and then we can take a vote. You know what? To be honest, because we – and this is very prestigious that we've been invited to both of those things.

They're not open mic things. They're not things that you can rock up at like some festivals where you just pay the money and you can do whatever the fuck you want. These are people that ask you to do these things. So it's awesome. So we're going to Montreal and that's the most prestigious thing you can go to. Having said that, the Montreal Just for Laughs Festival,

last night I was watching TV. I flicked the channel. They had like a compilation of a Just for Laughs Montreal show and that comes up where a lady sticks a kazoo up her vagina and starts playing Star Spangled Banner and I'm like, oh, maybe our invitation isn't that prestigious after all. That lady was

Queen Elizabeth, though. So not even, so the national anthem of a country she's not even in. She hasn't even gotten the location right. Yeah, so I kind of feel like whoever booked her is the one that booked us for that festival, I think. Yeah, and this is the first time they've been allowed near the booking

sheet since. Yeah. Alright, this is your last chance. Oh no, you fucked it again. So what you're suggesting that we get up there and stick a kazoo up our buttholes and play Men at Work. You have to do Ave Maria at the Opera House. I don't want to It's going to work. Really good. You have to do Ave Maria at the Opera House.

Yeah. I don't want to add at you. Sorry, but. No, these are all good ideas. These are all good suggestions. There are no bad ideas apart from most of their ideas. But no, I agree. We do have to find something special to do.

We've been given a beautiful opportunity to do something absolutely fucked at the best place in the country. I mean, the odds of us being invited back to do either of them again anyway, these are pretty much once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, so why not go out, why not just, you know, really go out? Do the worst thing we can do and make everyone hate us. You're right. Nude podcast.

Oh. I know. I know. We're all thinking that. Same noise, but like. Yeah. Oh. There's got to be better ideas. There's got to be better ideas.

There's got to be something else. But if we invited you to come do it, would you do it? No. Exactly. If you invited me to come see it, I wouldn't come see it. But I still think it's newsworthy. Yeah, yeah, sure. Well, do you remember this?

Housemate of the show Tom Ballard years ago. I was about to bring that up. He was always trying to get a kid going where everyone was nude. Remember that. Spectacularly years ago. I was about to bring that up. He was always trying to get a gig going where everyone was nude. Remember that. Spectacularly dumb idea. He was. He's a really smart guy, but that was not. He's got some pretty dumb ideas.

Because there are a couple of those sort of things. I didn't do it. I was asked to do a strip gig once where every time a joke doesn't work, you have to take off a piece of clothing. So not only are you naked, also there's an encouragement for time. Actively encouraged. The audience is actively encouraged to quieten down. They want you to do bad so that you take your clothes off.

But then also it gets into like your own, like how you think your abilities are and how you think the gig is going. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like if you do a joke and then you don't take off any clothing, it's like the audience is like, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, you think that went good? That went bad? You've got to don't take off any clothing. It's like, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. You think that went good? That went bad. You've got to get your top off.

Yeah. No, they'll get it on the way home. No, there were a lot of smiles. They were into it. You could tell. They weren't laughers but they were enjoying it. It's a thinker. It's a thinker.

Yeah, that's a weird one. It should almost be if a joke goes well, you take an item of clothing off. No. Or just leave your clothes on and do comedy normal. Yeah. And then get nude at the end if you so desire it.

If a person of the opposite sex in the audience comes up to you and says that was really great I find you very attractive then immediately take your clothes off. Then do the clothes thing. Alright.

We'll elicit some suggestions from people. We're going to have to have a proper think tank. We've got to do something, you know, something out there that people... Hit us up. Let us know what you think we could do and we'll talk about it. Guys, that brings us to the end of a little... Oh, wow, that flew past.

It really did. We didn't even get to any of the stuff that we were going to talk about. Oh, did we? Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah. Like Adam Knox's nude one-man Pavarotti show. Yeah. Claire was telling us before the show that she's nude one-man Pavarotti show. Yeah. Claire was telling us before the show that she's deeply anti-Islam.

We didn't even get into that. Yeah, well, look, I'll save that for when Nazeem's next time. I was going to talk about how my life has changed since I won the low. Oh, fuck, that didn't happen. Fuck! Hey, neither did this podcast. You're about to wake up and then we've got to actually record it. What a true dream.

That's why I flew by. You've only been asleep for five minutes. Adam Knox, Claire Hooper, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. I want to hear about Adam Knox going on a double date tonight. Yeah, I know, so do I, but that's okay. We can talk about that now. Yeah, no.

Bye-bye, everyone. You won't hear the end of it. Let's fly him up to the Opera House and we can talk about it there. That is a spectacular content that you're going to get at the Opera House. Adam Knox going on a double date. Wow. That'll be something new to do at the Opera House. Adam Knox going on a double date. Wow. That'll be something new to do at the Opera House.

We just sold out. Just do some really boring content. That wouldn't have been done before. For a change. Yeah. Claire, anything that

you would like to plug? So you're going to be at the Just for Laughs festival the same weekend as us. Yeah, same time as you guys. In Sydney. Look, I don't know

but I have this really I have a gut feeling that they won't be putting us on at the same time. We've got a pretty decent time slot. We're okay. Oh, I'm not saying you're going to have a rubbish time slot. I'm just going to say they'll assume that you're more adult content than me. I've got a feeling you're going to get a text message from us

five minutes before the gig asking if you want to come down. Nude. Guys, that's how I'm always booked on the Dum Dum Club. That's how everyone is, to be fair. Yeah, I would just plug my show with Mel Buttle. Come on the same night you see Dum Dum. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sweet.

Good. Yeah, no, you're right because we're on at 9.30, I think. So you feel like more of a 7, 7 o'clock time slot. Yeah, that's when ladies get put on. Yeah, right. Oh, no, like not that I have an issue with it but that's a real right

yeah that's lady o'clock yeah that'd be great you and Mel Buttle doing a split bill show at the opera house yeah yeah that'll be great yeah come and see me

and Mel Buttle is it called something because that would obviously be a time that you're the two hosts of the Great Australian Bake Off yeah which you should be plugging

oh yeah sure it's not on for ages alright yep it's on in October so make sure you get your Foxtel subscriptions by then. Nice. Sweet, sweet. Nice. Noxy, what have you got?

I will be at the Melbourne Arts Centre looking for change on the ground. Other than that, I don't know. We do a podcast. Yeah, we've got our video games podcast called Filthy Casuals that people can listen to every week. It goes up on a Thursday evening, Australian time. Adam. Adam, we're so close to finished.

I know, yeah. He's trying to do up his shoelace with one hand while he holds it. We are wrapping up. I want to run and buy some of them favourites. You just need to wait 30 seconds. I can't take my eyes off it. Your sketch group Chimp Cop that you're in that people can find on Twitter and Facebook and stuff.

I think you guys are about to start doing videos. We've got some video stuff in the works. Yep. It's going to be bad. Cool. No, it'll be good. Good ad. Guys, we've got, yeah, Montreal, Sydney, New York, Los Angeles, Brisbane,

all on sale, littledumbdumbclub.com, all the T-shirts. It's loads on Brisbane. I would say that we would have a Melbourne show on sale by now. Sure. Yeah, so get onto that. Oh, the October one? Yeah, we've got one Melbourne show on sale by now. Sure. Yeah, so get onto that. Oh, the October one? Yeah, we've got one Melbourne show this year, and this is going to be a massive, massive one.

It's, can we just say it now? Sure. I think we can say it now. It is out at the Croxton Hotel. It's the same place we did our massive 300th episode. It is in October. Just check our Dum Dum Club, littledumbdumbclub.com for ticketing details and dates and times and

everything. But it is our massive, massive Melbourne one for the year. And usually we have surprise guests on everything we ever do. We are naming the guests on this one because it is a very special one. It is the Little Dumb Dumb Club versus Lawrence Mooney versus Fiona O'Loughlin. Moon versus June.

It's going to be massive The two favourite The favourite pairing on our show of all time It's them, balls out Ball flaps out Yeah, yeah Equal opportunity Fat ladies can fall down wherever they want

And yeah It's good to keep mentioning that as much as possible I feel really comfortable You know what's going to happen It's good to keep mentioning that as much as possible. I feel really comfortable with it. You know what's going to happen. It's going to be brutal. It's going to be absolutely everything out there in the open. So it's going to be a lot of fun and it's something in particular, I think, that will get a heavy editing session.

So if you want to see it all happen, if you want to hear all about everything, everything we can legally put out there, come along to that. Yep, great. So littledumbdumbclub.com for all those details guys thanks very much for joining us and we'll see you next time see ya mates