The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 355 - Tommy Little & Cal Wilson

Episode Date: July 25, 2017

Nangs, Cheese Platters and Posh Wanks.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode with Tommy Little and Cal Wilson. But before we bring you that, we have to say that we are about to be getting on a plane and then getting off a plane and saying a bit of, howdy y'all. That's what they say in Canada, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big cow rustlers up there. We are bringing the Little Podcast over to Canada and in North America in general, we are doing a, as part of the Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal, the most prestigious, biggest comedy festival in the world,

we are doing a live podcast in Montreal in the Hyatt Regency on July 29 at midday. So if you're anywhere near Canada, if you're in Canada especially, you know what, if you're in Montreal, definitely. Yes. Come along. This is the only time we'll be coming to Canada, I would imagine. So please make it worth our while and make it worth your while. Come along.

It's going to be fun. We're going to have big name guests. That'll be heaps of fun. July 29th on the Saturday. Then straight after that, we zoot off to New York, New York, New York. Yes. Yeah. Great city in the world.

The place so nice they named it three times. So we're going to do a live podcast there out in Brooklyn. We already have guests. Union Hall, Wednesday, August the 2nd. At 8 p.m. At the more hospitable time of 8 p.m. We've got great guests already booked in for that. So that's going to be heaps of fun.

And we're in New York. Man, it's going to be exciting. So come along to that. And then, of of course we'll be hanging out afterwards and doing all that stuff exactly tearing it up living it up yeah getting a slice you're gonna get a slice over there i'm staying away from the pizza and the bad food at the moment i know you are tommy yeah are you gonna live it up over in the us yeah i mean that's i've sort of been trying to get below the weight that i want to be yep in preparation for putting it all on over there. I'm going to take my running stuff.

Who knows? Dream scenario would be I just balance out and it all works out. Take your running stuff. I'll run with you. I just said I'm going to. Fuck head. All right. Can't wait to spend two weeks in your pocket.

You've got a real New York attitude already, buddy. So then, of course, after New York, after we run the streets of New York, after we run uptown and downtown. Yes, we then run right across the country. Wow, Forrest Gump style. We're going to sprint through the flyover states. So we go to LA, the place so nice they only named it once. We do a podcast there on Saturday, August the 5th in the afternoon,

the Lyric Hyperion at 2pm. 2pm. A lot of the senior citizen specials going on for us on this tour. Yeah. So please come along. Like we said, man, we're making this big trip. We are not making heaps of money, so we would love for you guys to come and make it worthwhile for us and show you

little faces. People already hit us up to go, man, we'll have a drink afterwards. Fuck yeah, we've got nothing better to do. Definitely. And listeners will remember last week Patreon subscriber Rowan Cook got singled out by me for an old school friend of mine living in San Francisco. And as far as I know,

having no plans yet to attend the Los Angeles show, he tweeted us and me this morning to go, yeah, guess I'd better go then. Sorry to put you out. Soon as a free ticket got offered, whoa, look who's come crawling back, old Cookie. He works in advertising and I'd love to know, Rowan, in your esteemed opinion, is this good advertising

what we're doing right now? Yeah, yeah. Would this be winning any Cannes Lions? Yeah, that's good. Oh, yeah, he works in advertising and he's come slumming down for a free ticket, you piece of shit cookie. Hey, man, bring the cocaine and all is forgiven. All right, all right.

Well, that should be safe doing that overseas. All right, sweet. So that's the North American tour all wrapped up there. So please get on to it now. Done and dusted. Back home to our loved ones. Yep. Fans waiting at Melbourne Airport to hear all our stories of life on the road

and listen to what we got up to. The mysterious land of America. What's it really like over there? So we go Brisbane. We don't need to plug that because basically it's sold out. Worth checking on. Hey, not just basically. Formally it's sold out.

Yes, yes, yes. So I don't know. If you guys have missed out on tickets, I don't know what to tell you. I do. Suck shit. Oh, eat a dick. Maybe check on the door on the day. Let's never speak of you again, Brisbane, because, you know,

we don't need to. But Melbourne, we very quickly announced last week on the show that we are doing one live podcast in Melbourne for the year, for the rest of the year. We snuck it in at the end of the episode. It was kind of a soft launch of tickets. Yeah, you couldn't skip that bit, you fuckers. So we are doing Melbourne.

If you live on the same planet as Melbourne, come along to this show. It is going to be huge. This is our big, big show for the year in Melbourne. It's on Saturday night, October 21, 8 o'clock at night. It's primetime Saturday. You've got no excuse. You can come down for it. Now, usually we have surprise guests.

We don't have surprise guests. We have locked down your favorite pairing of all time. It is Moon versus June. It is Lawrence Mooney and Fiona O'Loughlin as our big guests. Oh, that's what those names mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you can get a ticket. I thought it was Burt Newton, Moonface.

Yes, and? A month of the year. Yes. Good improv. Or half of that great movie, Benny and June with Johnny Depp. All I needed was someone with the name June in there and I couldn't do it. I went to just say June Northern. I'm like, no, that's the actual thing I'm trying to pretend that it's not.

The joke is the joke. Yeah. So it's going to be huge. It's going to be bare knuckle fighting. Not literally. There's already been some people going, like we put it out like Moon versus June. Oh, versus? Are they going to hit each other?

Yes. Lawrence Mooney is going to punch an old lady. Well, it's probably happened before. Yeah. Well, whoa. Yeah, I will say I'm really looking forward to this show. I'm looking forward to, yeah, those two when they're in their element going off. There's few things better comedically.

But you know what, Carl, beyond anything else, you know what I'm most looking forward to about this gig? Yes. Not having to scramble around and book guests the 24 hours before the gig. It being locked in this far in advance, what a treat. I'm looking forward to one of them pulling out. No, I shouldn't say that. I shouldn't say that.

That won't happen. No, they're all locked in. You know what I'm looking forward to? Dealing with the venue, they've given us the contract of the venue and everything, and it's like, here you go, you get this, and you get this. It's behind the curtain. Yeah, they put posters out the front. We've got posters on the front venue.

That doesn't usually happen, like big ass like vinyl posters plastered across and also a bit of food backstage has already been promised. Oh, nice. So it's like that's what I'm looking forward to. Can we get to keep that poster at the end? Do you think we can have it? I don't think so. I think it's like literally just plastered on the windows and stuff.

Oh, really? I was going to say, nothing would make me happier than to cover over Tom Bernard's Australia Sales Welcome poster with a big photo of me and you and Moody and Fiona's head. That'd be great. So that is happening, like I said, at the Croxton Park Hotel in Thornbury. That is the same place we had our 300th episode last year. So it's a big, big rock venue. And hopefully we get the sound guy coming in playing ACDC to warm up for about two hours beforehand, which was very helpful last year.

What more fitting venue for a couple of rock dogs like you and me. And I presume we'll be doing a bit of – last year we kind of hung out in the – they have like a sidebar thing that we kind of took over. Yeah. My housemate started DJing. It was a lot of fun. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can do that. Presumably we'll do something like that again afterwards.

So you stick around and have some drinks with us. Hopefully I don't remember how I get home again like last year. That would be great. It's a little bit out but it is worth the trip because like we said last year, there's some good food around there and stuff as well. Did I ever tell this? After that night, like we were really drunk. Me and my housemate went and we got a cab from the venue to Brunswick Street

to get food and then I, I don't know why I did this, I just got up and left and got in a cab by myself to come home. You did tell that. Did I tell this on the show? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. And then he goes, I go, how did you get home? Did you just get a cab after me? And he goes, I didn't get a cab, I didn't walk,

I ran. I ran down the street and I didn't have headphones so I was just holding the speaker of my phone up to my ear listening to music as I ran down the road. I didn't have headphones so I was just holding the speaker of my phone up to my ear listening to music as I ran down the road oh great so I mean

that's a good sign all of that and more October 21 if you hang around late enough don't even come to the gig just come to see what happens after the gig just hang out at the

HSP place on Brunswick Street and you'll see us at about 1am great alright let's get into of course the Patreon subscribers that fund this this wagon of hilarity that we put on for you guys every week.

A lot of you chip in great amounts to keep this going. For $10, you get an extra pod. $5, you get the magazine. And of course, for $10, you get everything involved. There's a few $30 buckers that are popping up now that have been keep going. And a special thanks to you guys. You get a t-shirt sent out to you as well. You know what? The long-term $30 people,

we better send out another t-shirt to you guys, I think, because some of you guys have been chucking for ages. You're worth another shirt. So we'll get on to that. Email us. Email us with your details for you long-term $30 people. Yeah. And we got a new design that we probably, I'd say, we'll have ready to go for the October show at the least, but we'll probably send, maybe we probably, I'd say, we'll have ready to go for the October show at the least,

but maybe we'll send it out to the Patreon people beforehand. We'll see. We'll talk about it in the big general meeting after this. I thought this was that. I don't like you clearing these ideas without me rubber stamping them, Tommy. Well, we don't really talk much off air, so this is kind of the only time. Fair enough. All right, here we go.

And, of course, we read out some of the listeners' names. Some of you like it and some of you don't. But it's tough shit. Here it comes. Thank you. We'll do five this week, Tommy, before you ask. Yeah, we've got time for five, haven't we? Surely.

I guess five's cool, yeah. All right. Okay, cool. Number one, thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh, a name dear to our heart here at the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Timothy Johnston. Why is that? Oh, okay, right.

Timothy, Tim. Tim Johnston. Tim. Yep, we got Tim's money. Yes. Fuck, you've used the one I was going to use. Well, there was a pause there. I didn't know if you were going to get to it.

Well, Tim putting in his money is making my Johnson real hard. There you go. That was good. That was better than. If more people could donate who have names like that, that's what we need. Putting a shout out there for phallic named listeners, please. I liked that when in our Facebook group the other day someone posted – Oh, and we haven't talked about that, have we?

About what? The Facebook group. We have a private Facebook group now. It's like a forum kind of. Yeah, it's a little forum. So if you're a fan of us on any of the social med medias we've introduced a new way for you to insult us uh we have a private group that it's called people who are aware of the little dum-dum club and it's a it's a little group where everyone gets in there and has their two cents worth and um gets friendly and whatever it's good yeah it's

actually going all right a few friends of the show are in there as well yeah yeah yeah so someone posted nearly a thousand people or something great. Someone posted a screenshot of the announcement over the weekend of Dilruk being on a new TV show that is hosted by… Hang on, hang on. Dilruk who? Jai Singer. Right, okay. And I'll just stop myself from saying something absolutely fucking awful.

And the host of the show, Peter Hellyer, and the other team captain, Virginia Gay, who is from Winners and Losers and was on this show years and years ago. And I commented saying, oh, man, Virginia was great. We should get her back on the show. And you commented, at the very least, it would be great if she contributed to Patreon. Thanks, Virginia.

Yeah. Virginia's a funny name. So second, thanks, Tim. Thanks, Timmy. Thanks, Timothy. Thanks, Tim. Second cab off the rank this week is, thank you to Patreon subscriber Hayden Wells. Hayden Wells.

Wells, Wells, Wells. Look who's come crawling back to give us some money. Nice. Hey, I love getting money. Oh, yeah. Hey, mate, Dan Wells. Fuck, we are red hot today. Yeah.

This is going. This is electric. Let's punch through this. Thanks, Hayden Wells. Fuck, we are red hot today. Yeah. This is going. This is electric. Let's punch through this. Thanks, Hayden Wells. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Now, this is an interesting name. This will ring a few bells, but it's not the person you're thinking of. Okay.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber, as in AZ, first name, second name, Dastyari. As Dastyari. As Dastyari. But not the great senator, Sam Dastyari. As Dastyari. As Dastyari. But not the great senator, Sam Dastyari. This is someone with just the same last name. I don't know if there's any relation. We'd love to hear. Yeah, do we think this is some sort of –

Or is this him trying to do like a pseudonym and he's just absolutely fucked it? Like he's thought Sam is the most recognisable part of his name. I don't think so because I checked the email address and it is from a uni. It's from a Melbourne-based university. Oh, okay. So unless he's really thrown us off the trail by enrolling

in a university in Melbourne to get this through to give us money. Does Senator Sam still subscribe? I don't believe so. I'll check but I don't think so. Interesting. I don't think he does. Interesting. I think he's just trying.

There's so many senators and stuff getting in trouble at the moment. He's gone, you know what? I better start disassociating myself with this. And he's wanting to come on here to promote the book. I'm going to have to say, you're not without a little more money in the coffers. No, we don't want money. No, I want the book. I want to get a copy of the book.

Yeah. I did. Well, we're in it. Apparently, we should get a copy. I contacted him this week to say, hey, when are you in Melbourne? Come on the book. I want to get a copy of the book. Yeah. I did. Well, we're in it. Apparently, we should get a copy. I contacted him this week to say, hey, when are you in Melbourne? Come on the show. And he's like, oh, I'm there on Thursday. I'm like, well, yeah, let us know.

And it didn't happen. So, you know, it's almost like he's got more important things to do. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. It's almost like he's serving the Australian public in a grand manner and this isn't the main priority, which is weird, but I'll accept it.

Slash eating chips covered in sauce. Yes. Yeah, getting on social media, getting his face out there and going, check me out. He, for me, is turning into one of those man versus food people. Well, you know you look at those shows and you go, how is this guy not morbidly obese when his whole life is going around eating this greasy food all the time?

That's the Ari. All you ever see of him is fucking hoeing into chips and meat. Man, Man Vs. Food is one of my all-time favourite shows, and I have looked up the host of that quite a few times to see what his story is. And apparently all the time when they were filming, all the crew would go and have fun and get pissed every night and whatever when they travelled from city to city.

He'd just have to get on the treadmill. Yeah, totally, totally. He'd be hitting the gym all the time. So maybe that's what Dastyari's doing. Maybe that's why he couldn't come and do this today. He's having to offset those HSPs. Yeah, totally. Totally. He'd be hitting the gym all the time. So maybe that's what Dusty Ari's doing. Maybe that's why he couldn't come and do this today. He's having to offset those HSPs. Yeah. Yeah.

Fair enough. Maybe he's on his way. He's running from Canberra right now. Thanks, Az. Thanks, Az. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Peter Kiesel. Kiesel. Peter, P-E-T-A, as in the protection of animals.

Yes. Nice. Yeah, I think they're sponsoring us now. Oh, great. Yes, nice. Yeah, I think they're sponsoring us now. Oh, great. Okay, cool. Which means we have to go back to the mentions of the food we were talking about before and say, oh, no, it was vegetarian actually. No, it was vegan.

It was mock. Yeah. It was fake HSP. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, how do you spell that last name? Just as it sounds. Key and sell, as in key. K-E-Y-S-E-L-L.

Oh, wow. Okay. Key sell. So it goes back to the old ancestor days of someone sold a key once and went, whack that on the name. Selling the keys and using the profits to fund this podcast. Oh. I like it.

He's got the key to the something and he sold something. Ta-da. He's got the key to making my little dicky hard. Oh, well, okay. That's a good key to have. Mm-hmm. And not many people have it And not many people have it. Not many people have it.

I'm borderline asexual. You only get erections to two to three people in the world. Everyone knows that about you. And this might be another person. This might be one of the two or three coming up as the number five patrons and subscribers. And this is the last one for this week. No, five. Oh, we're doing five.

Five this week. This is the last one. Sure, no five oh we're doing five five this week this is the last one this week for this week should we do no we won't do six we'll do five okay well

gee I tell you what this is the this is the first as well I have to say for this show it's crazy that these are just randomly picked out and yet you always seem

so taken aback by the fifth one just by chance every week I know what are the odds well extremely high but that just keeps happening and yet you always seem so taken aback by the fifth one, just by chance, every week. I know. What are the odds? Well, extremely high, but that just keeps happening.

So low, I would say. From now on, it's very low odds, actually. Okay, sure. Because it happens every week. Thank you to – we've never had this type of a subscription. This is another new one. Yeah, this is different. The last four weeks, I I believe we've had something of a world premiere in the fifth

slot on the Patreon. Well this is different again. This is different again. Okay? We've never had this one before but anyway. Oh hey we'll take their money. We'll take your money. Again, as I always am in these positions, I'm just, you're looking

at the screen, you know what's coming up. Only just now. I've got no, I don't know what to expect. Yeah, well, you know. This is like I'm going into a movie, I haven't even seen the trailer. I haven't read a synopsis. I've gone total media blackout and I know nothing.

I don't know what I'm in for. Even though we are both sitting down now, I have to give you this advice. Sit down. Sit down further. To the listeners Sit down. Sit down further. To the listeners as well. Sit down further. To the listeners who are in the same position as me.

Sink into your seat. Yeah. Right, here we go. Patreon subscriber. Lie down on the floor. Yeah. Put yourself in the brace position, please. Suck your own dick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stick a finger up your butthole. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, the ghost of great Great Great Uncle Cedric Comedy. Never had a subscription from a ghost before. Never had it before. I thought it was going to be The Ghost of Comedy Past. No.

And then potentially down the line we were going to get The Ghost of Comedy Present. Don't burn potential sponsors, please. I'm not burning potential sponsors. I'm speculating about who else could be out there. I'm allowed to do that. You could be telling me that off air and that would give me an idea for who to look for on the list next week. We don't talk off air.

I've already brought this up. So the ghost of... Great, great uncle Cedric comedy. Great, great uncle Cedric comedy. So do you think this person is deceased? Well, I don't know. I mean, it's a ghost. So, the ghost is alive in a way.

So, you can't have a dead ghost. Well, now the next question is, you know, if you – part of the lore of ghosts that some people believe is that they have unfinished – The lore of ghosts. I didn't believe there was a lore, but sure. No, no. L-O-R-E. Oh, right, right, right, right. You dumb fuck.

Is that they have unfinished business here in the living realm. Right. So maybe they're a big fan of the podcast and they never – and great-great-uncle Cedric never chipped in. And so he's – somehow he's managed to find a conduit because he has no access to his phones or anything. He's found a conduit to chip in for him on Patreon. And now that we're reading this out, now he's just disappeared.

We're releasing him. Yes. He's finally laid to rest in the spirit realm. He can pass over to the next world. Oh, you're welcome, great, great Uncle Cedric Comedy. See you. Oh, wow. We are doing some sterling work here.

Wow. He's finally – he's no longer haunting the rest of the comedy family. You know, he's going up behind some of the comedy family while they're trying to get to work on their pottery wheel. Yes. He's like putting his hands all over them going, chip in, chip in to Patreon. You mean the comedy family sitting down in their comedy pottery wheel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're not just doing regular pottery. Sorry, yeah. They're doing like a vase that's got a big dick coming off it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're making a clay banana peel. Yeah, that's what. They're not just doing regular pottery. Sorry, yeah. They're doing like a vase that's got a big dick coming off it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're making a clay banana peel. Yeah, that's what they're doing there at the comedy household. Wow. Well, you're welcome.

You're welcome to great, great Uncle Cedric Comedy for being released from this mortal coil, and you're welcome to the comedy family who no longer have a fucking ghost spooking up the house. Who are you going to call? Dumb cunt buses. Wow. Well, you going to call? Dumb cunt buses. Wow. Well, you know what? Sometimes I think we're wasting our lives doing this podcast.

I think that too. I still do, but at least we've done this, which is sort of cool. Well, fantastic stuff. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. That's it. You can find all these ticketing links and stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com. We didn't mention it before, but our Sydney Opera House show,

Thursday, September 14th the day that we're recording this which is like a week before this comes out it is already very very close to selling out so they're honestly

we sold that little ticket that we were talking about last week yes and the guy hit us up to let us know that it was him so yeah we'll be fucking caving his head in

as part of the show or something like that so yeah guys that chair is actually an electric chair that he bought. And then he can chip into Patreon from beyond the spirit realm. Yeah.

Leave us money and you will. Yeah, guys. Yeah, get on that. All these shows coming up. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. We would love to see you out there, especially those of you in the Americas. This is one of the last times that you'll hear from us

before we're over there. So please, if you're sleeping on it, go and get a ticket. Come down and hang out with us. Go to that website. There's also shirts available. We've got the wear shirt. We've got the burger shirt. We've got a few of the other shirts still available.

We've got the Koh Samui podcast festival. Pretend you were there. Impress your friends and family. You didn't pay a grand to fly over there and put yourself up. You just paid $30 to get yourself a little elephant T-shirt. So do that instead. Pretend. Pretend you were there.

Sweet. So that is all with the info let's get back into the regular episode yeah enjoy this week's episode with tommy little and cal wilson hey mates welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you so much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting across from me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, Dickhead. Now, we are, of course, doing a big live show at the Sydney Opera House in a couple of months' time at this point. Are you guys still doing this talk amongst yourselves stuff? Well, we were. Why don't you just do that by yourselves? Yeah, they've got us here in the living room. I know.

And when Tommy said we're doing a big live show, I was like, oh, there's just four of us. That's overselling it a little bit. I've started to realise this is why we're here. You guys didn't sell any tickets, so you need to get two mates over to be your audience. Finally, someone's figured it out. Go on, Tommy.

Well, let's introduce our guests, Tommy Little and Cal Wilson. Hi. Hey, guys. Guys at home, we usually book much more polite guests. But anyway. I just had to go to the loo in a toilet with a curtain on. I'm not polite anymore. Yeah.

But you know what's nice about this and about these guys is the humility. I mean, after all the money that you've made from this cash cow, you still, out of pure humility, choose to live in this little cum-stained shithole. And it is just so... This is a house we bought just for the podcast. As if anyone would live here. Yeah, this is so people don't get spooked by our success.

This is like the early days of where we're sort of trying to make you think, oh, no one's listening to this We can just say whatever the fuck we want Let out all these secrets This is like your equivalent of like a panda handler Wearing a panda suit for the baby pandas Just to make you feel comfortable Go with me

So you guys both turned up in your Rolls Royces I mean that put us offside immediately We were like no this isn't I did notice you cowering at the window I thought that could be the usual daso. I tried to throw a spear at it. I've never seen a car so nice before. I didn't know what it was. Cal hasn't

been here before. I don't think either of you have. There was the quote where at one stage we told Cal, Tom Ballard lives here as well. And you said, Tom Ballard lives here? No, because I just didn't know. I just didn't know that there was a Tom and a Tommy. Which is so great because there's a giant poster on the wall

that says Australia says welcome. And if that's not a sign that Tom Ballard lives here. I just thought, yes, Tom Ballard, the only person in the country who cares about refugees. That much? Yes. I think that poster was there, that's why Tom moved in. I thought he just broke an end.

His refo senses started twinging. He went, there, that's why Tom moved in. Yeah. I thought he'd just broken in. His refo sensors started twinging. He went, oh, there's a house near here. There's a very positive wall. I must live there. I thought he'd broken in and left it and then gone again. He's like the Banksy of refugee graffiti. Where is he, by the way? Why is he not in here?

What have you done with him? He got on a boat and went to London. Yes. Yeah, he's in London. Oh, he's gone. you done with him? He got on a boat and went to London. Yes. Yeah, he's in London. Oh, he's gone. So you could take that down. I could. He listens to this.

I'm thinking maybe I could just take it down while he's away for two months. And write something on the back. Australia says get fucked. Yeah, yeah. So when he comes back, it just says, Tom Ballard, fuck off, we're full. Easy. Just a cheeky swastika. Yeah, we've had some thinking about the tone of the house.

We had a house meeting, you didn't turn up. 2-0. He does listen to this every week, so this is probably cheaper than making an international phone call. Anything you'd like to say to him while he's over in the UK? I miss you, Tom Ballard, Uber. Tom taught me how to use Uber, and so every time I take an Uber, I text him.

Really? He really loves, because I've been doing it for about two and a half years now. Great, great. There should be a thing, like, when you refer people to Uber, I'm going to take an Uber and I text him. Really? He really loves because I've been doing it for about two and a half years now. Great. Great. There should be a thing like with you, when you refer people to Uber, like you get through your code that you give them, you get like a bit of money or a discount.

I'm sure they do that. I think that's exactly a thing. But you should also get. You should also get. I just got a new idea. Nice recovery. Nice recovery. Let me finish.

And there should be Fanta in the taps at school. And if you go to Macca's and you want the bigger meal, you should be able to upsize for a small amount of money. Wow, they're taking these ideas on really quickly. Quicker than I can come up with them. You should also get a portion of their star ratings that they get. You know what I mean? You should kind of be tender to them in some way. You tumbled downstairs and grabbed at anything then.

And some stars. You grabbed a beer light grabbed at anything then. And some stars. You grabbed a beer light bulb that had been on for a while and you burned your hand. That's the end of that metaphor. Well, thanks for coming around to my house, guys. Lovely to have company. Do you know what's great? I have since noticed that that is your water bottle.

But when I walked into this room the first time, you were sitting with that thing. And in this room and how that looks, I was like, is Tommy just sitting with a Nang machine in the corner? It does look a bit like that. I seriously thought you were just about to suck back on it and go, you guys ready to podcast? I don't even know what a Nang machine is.

Soda bulbs. Get Tom Beller to teach you. Yeah, soda bulbs. Well, if you'd said that, I would have known, but Nang machine. So you know what a soda bulb thing is? Yeah, yeah, cool. Does everyone know at home? It gives you a head spin for about 15 seconds and makes your voice drop down like this.

Why is it called a Nang Machine? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Why are pills called pingers? I knew that one. Okay, guys, she's half cool. Let her in the gang. Uber and pingers, I know, those two things

Wow, this Uber lift is pinging That would be a huge move before the podcast Just like, you know, we sit here, we get some guests in Maybe people I don't know very well Just right before we're about to start recording I just pull out a monster bong and just rip one Are you ready to start? We have had one guest that did that

Just before we start, I just got to go outside for a second. Went outside, ripped two bongs, came in, we went to start, and he goes, hang on one second. Went out and got a third one in before we started. And how is Sam Dastyari? It felt like that went on for about half an hour, where he'd come in and then we'd chat for a bit longer and then go, all right, anyway, now we've got to start recording.

He'd go like, oh, no, I need another cone. I just need another cone now before we start. I need another cone. I need another cone. Imagine who – can you say who it was or can you not? You can tell us later. I don't think we're going to be sullying his brand or anything by saying who it is.

I just feel like if that's what you need for the stress of this situation, imagine a job interview. Yeah, yeah. Oh, hang on, I've just got to overdose 14 times and I might be relaxed enough to answer your question. I would like to think that this sort of surroundings is just the thing that inspired him. Like he doesn't even smoke bongs usually

he just came into this share house and went well fucking when in Rome. Yeah. I've got to assimilate. Guess. Have a guess who you think it was. Someone who's only been on once. You've heard every episode, yes? I have Someone who doesn't live in Melbourne Internet famous?

Yeah, big internet comedian Oh, Goxie No Does he draw abs on himself for a gag? Only been on once No Not quite In the same ballpark

Has he been on? No Oh, Littlefella Quite been on? No No Oh Littlefella Quite a nice man No No? Fucking that guy The Aussie

You know the Give me your money cunt That guy No Are you talking about Rodney Root? Again you're in the ballpark You know the Littlefella Not him

Not him No When you say When you say a Littlefella nice, I win at mile. Well, no. Not him. Not him. This is a great guessing game.

Sydney, yeah. No. Oh, Shooter. Yes. Shooter. Also, lovely bloke. Is. Very much.

Yeah. Off his guts, but lovely bloke. A much Yeah Yeah Off his guts But lovely bloke A thrilling glimpse Behind the curtain Guess who's A massive bomb That was a

New board game Yeah And how great You know actors Back in the day Thespians Get into character By kind of

A little bit of Your vocal warm ups And your stretching Me me me Ma ma ma ma More like Anyway Before you were so rudely interrupted by the guests that we booked to come here in time...

I will introduce them soon. So, yeah, we're doing this show at the Opera House and it's... Oh, fucking hell. Usually when we put on live shows, we kind of run it all ourselves. So it's kind of a unique thing for us in that someone else is managing it. It's being sold, tickets being sold through the Opera House. And I don't know if you've seen this, when you go onto the page

where you can buy tickets to our show, you can get tickets or you can get some nice little packages for other things that you can do at the Opera House as part of our show. Nang machine? Nang machine, yeah. They should have themed it for us is what I'm saying. Right. Because it goes up incrementally in price.

So the first one you can get is a nice little wine and cheese platter before you come and see the Little Dum Dum Club. A little yum yum before Little Dum Dum. I'm assuming box and Cheetos. Yes, yes. What else is there? You can also get a tour and a tasting plate. So you get a bit of a tour around the opera house

I thought it was just of you two yeah yeah yeah or you can have a tour a little tasting plate or like you can get the full all of that and then like a backstage tour of the concert hall of the opera house not the room that we're in and that's like

an extra 150 bucks on top of the ticket I think that's funny that they're offering that and expecting our listeners to buy that. We wouldn't be able to even get a job as the tour guides in that joint. I want to know, is anyone it's wild to me, anyone tacking on those luxury optional extras.

If you are buying that ticket, if you go to that page exactly, there's a lot of respect going on there because it's like on the page it says Little Dumb Dumb Club featuring hosts Thommy Dasolo and Carl Chandler. Exactly You know There's a lot of respect Going on there Because it's like On the page it says Little Dumb Dumb Club Featuring hosts Thommy Dasolo And Carl Chandler They've spelt his name

Wrong in the Sydney Opera House Nah This dumb cunt's just been Spelling it wrong his whole life It's the Sydney Opera House Mate For once Somebody got it right

Yeah That's great I call them up to complain I think we'd know Yeah Do you guys mansplain My own name to me I just picture One of your gorgeous listeners to complain, I think we'd know. Did you just mansplain my own name to me?

I just picture one of your gorgeous listeners sitting there hearing you just rag that package deal. They've already bought it. And just one tear. What kind of fuckhead would go for the package deal? Please let us know. I highly doubt that even one person has gone for it.

I'd love to hear about it. If I can tag along, that'd be awesome. Why don't you crowdfund Let us know. I highly doubt that even one person has gone for it. I'd love to hear about it. Love to hear. If I can tag along, that'd be awesome. Why don't you crowdfund the price of the full package and then you guys can take it. Crowdfund us getting a cheese platter before the gig would be nice. I hope you come out to do the podcast and you look out and just see a sea of cheese platters.

Nobody can laugh because they've just got breathed. No. Just getting pelted by cheese. Oh, just cheese. It looks like a fucking mainland commercial. Yeah. Just bottles of Goonify. Yeah.

Oh, that'd be great because we are doing the Sydney Opera House. Tommy, you're hosting the big stand-up show up there as well. Yes, which I believe you're doing. What are your deals? What extra packages can people buy for you? I thought you were asking what ideas I like. We're all being paid for. No, no, no.

What are you doing? So we're doing three nights of shows that gets cut up into ten TV specials. And the great thing is so you've got your standard ticket price and then the great package deal we've got is you can also get $5 off your ticket price but you're forced to endure one of the little dumb, dumb podcast shows. Really? Because it works the other way around.

We found out that you get money off if you buy our ticket and then you go to see the stand-up show. There's discounts going everywhere. I made mine up. I was going to say, that's amazing. If that's a real thing, if they've done that, like pitting us against each other, you know what I mean? No, no, it's a group package thing.

Yeah. Ours is like you can get a discount to the stand-up thing if you come to ours. Yeah, I was implying that we're a bad shot. There was so much burning going on in this room. Which is great. It's great because we can't afford heating, so keep it up, guys. We just copied that much that I just think that just happens all the time and it's not a joke.

So, yeah, I just believed it. It's fine. Hey, so, Tommy, we did a gig together a couple of weeks ago and I haven't seen you at a gig where you've been announced as sort of the headliner for a little while and I forgot how much of the female population loves to come and see you. Now, you have got a lot of young female fans that are very excited. It's a bit of Beatlemania.

It's like the Fab Four back in the day. You don't see this sort of thing when – certainly not in our podcast. What the fuck is the Fab Four? The Beatles. The Beatles. The Beatles. Oh. It was a core team of amazing comedians. I thought you already listed them and you were moving on.

No, no, no, no, no. The worst soundbite, the commercial radio guy. Who are the Fab Four? Yeah, yeah. Up next, Bruno Mars. Back-to-back bangers all day. And once again, we play Who the Fuck are the Fab Four? We've been doing it for 17 weeks

And we still don't know So I went on to this gig You were headlining A lot of girls in the audience A lot of girls yelling In fact some people yelling out Some people very keen There was that girl that was yelling

You got a heck lot at one stage A girl just going Why are you still single? You keep talking about why you're single. How come you're still single? Was that your mum? Was that your mum like? Yeah, it was mum.

It was full on. It was great. Because what happened, she yelled at me, was just going, why are you still single? And you're sort of playing it nice, going, oh, I just haven't met the right girl, whatever. You know, always looking or whatever. And this girl goes. That was 10 minutes into it. It was joke, joke.

And then she just kept hammering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it wasn't just like one thing. Why are you still single? Tee hee hee. Oh, you haven't found the right girl yet. Anyway, back to the regular programming. She then followed up with, I asked you out on a date and you said no.

How come? And you're like, oh, I don't know. And she goes, oh, and I asked you if we were going to go out for oysters. And then you go, ha, I don't like oysters. Ha, anyway, back to the gear. And she's like, but then I said, let's eat something else then. Wow. She kept going.

And the great thing was she just kept going. It was very awkward. And everyone enjoyed it because you were sort of putting your back foot a little bit. It looked a bit cute and all funny. She then walks out at the end, just eyeballs you all the way out. And then we all find out she's been doing that while her boyfriend's in tow. She's been sitting there with her boyfriend. Look, this guy's my second choice.

He's my second choice. Oh, my God. Tommy, meet Darren. He'll eat oysters. If he could afford them. Yeah, yeah. Well, the worst part about that was the boyfriend was the guy whose mum had yelled out early

and then I just rinsed for about five minutes him and the mum because she was just a massive drunk fuckwit, the mum. And so I've just rinsed them and then the girlfriend's coming at the end and going, well, here's the bloody icing on the cake for this shit night. So not only has she done that in front of her boyfriend, she's done that in front of her boyfriend's mum. Yeah. Oh my God. It's a in front of her boyfriend's mum. Yeah. Oh my God. It's a real family affair.

I like it. Yeah. So then you're then fielding photos and stuff like that. They walk out. She's giving you the eyeballs, giving you the death stare on the way out. The guy's just like in tow going out. They walk out so I get in the car park, have a massive fight. Of course they do.

Of course they do. Presumably break up or kill each other or something happen. Like that's what we were hearing back in the venue after that. Man, you are breaking up couples. No, I'm not. Also, what kind of barnyard comedy show are you running, Chandler, where people are just coming in and it's a fucking free-for-all? Hey, I wasn't running it.

I was just there booking Tommy Little. Organising all of it it i also love how after her first question she was kind of fine for the first question and then she just kept hammering and after like five minutes she's come out with why wouldn't you go on a date with me and the whole crowd's like well we can all tell you yeah you've got because you've always got to think in that scenario, what's her ideal outcome? Is she honestly thinking that she'll yell that out and you from on stage will just go,

I'm smitten, get up here right now and let's shag in front of the audience? I'm so sorry. You were pretending to be normal when you asked me out, but now I've seen your true colour. This is what I'm into. Oh, I didn't know you were doing Desperate Fucktards so well. A bit on uppy. Do you remember her asking you out?

Do you remember her? No. And I don't actually believe her story because she remembers she was saying, she was like, I asked you for oysters and you said back, ha, ha, ha, and made a typing motion with her hands. Oh, like she's asked you out over the internet. Yeah, but then I said, I'm like, and then she goes, I said, and I said, and you wrote back, ha, ha, ha. And then I'm like, oh like she's asked you over the internet yeah but then I said I'm like and then she goes I said not always

and I said and you wrote back ha ha ha and then I'm like but what was this on she goes no this was in person and I'm like so I just said back to you

ha ha ha ha ha ha and I did this with my hand ha ha ha yeah yeah you met in a comic book remember yeah

yeah it's an aha music video that's where you met yeah yeah so then that was one part of it then uh i'd left almost i was setting up the gig i left all my gear up the front of the stage i then go to pack up i get my bag i i get my laptop out of it i've got a to-do list in there my love someone has broke into my bag thought it was yours and written all over my to-do list and gone,

if this is Tommy's bag, here's my email address, hit me up. Hi, Tommy, and just gone through my gear and graffitied all of their details and phone number and email address. So what we're looking for is a single woman with now some shit one-liners who we should be able to find our culprit. Yeah. Hey, do you want to go out for a date and have a duck sandwich? I don't eat duck sandwiches

I wonder if midgets call mini golf Hey don't burn Cover them boys Don't burn my gear So have you done the responsible thing and emailed this woman back as if you were Tommy Little? I have got the email address right here Oh yes I wonder if she was suspected isn't coming have got the email address right here. Oh, yes. Yeah.

I wonder if she was suspected isn't coming from carlchandler10 at yahoo.com. He's just given out his email address. I also think she wouldn't have if it came from my email address, which is theme1yourlocaldj69. Yes. Yeah, I love how a lot of people still got those original. Yeah, Because every time I give out my Yahoo account

I'm like Sorry Yeah I know I know Yeah sorry I've still got a hotmail Yeah yeah yeah But that

Yeah With your one It was like It's starting out in comedy When you'd get When gigs would all be Organised over email And you'd get like

Okay everyone Here's the You know Here's the details Of where it is and everything And you're trying to work out Who's on the gig Just from like

Yeah All these fucking – Yeah, Crusher the man at hot – who the fuck am I doing this gig with? This could be anyone. Who's Saucy Mink 68? And why couldn't they get the number they wanted? Yeah, yeah. There's a few out there.

I think Adam Rosenbach still has like a – does he still have his like dumb old like joke one from ages ago? Oh, is that the Jew hater underscore for real? Is that what that is? Oh, is that not –Hater underscore for real? Oh, my God. Is that what that is? Oh, is that not? We're not meant to say his real name. Sorry, guys. Don't give his private information out.

He got a new one six months ago. Jesus. I'm so sorry. Australia says welcome. Oh, yeah, that's ballad. Fair enough, fair enough. Hey, yesterday I went to my local supermarket and this is what happened.

I was in line behind, here's the situation. There was someone, there was an older bloke buying cigarettes or something. There was a bit of commotion at the front so it was taking way too long and we're having to wait. And by we, I mean I was third. Second was a young lady who had two items that she was trying to buy.

She was trying to buy a banana and a pregnancy test. So she was sitting there while there was a lot of commotion and she was getting very anxious. Oh, it's awful when people see you buy fruit. It's awful. Very embarrassing. I just thought the leverage she's using to try and get the pregnancy test up there. You don't exert it.

You're acting like we've all got it wrong. Hopefully you are wrong. Hopefully you're not pregnant because you are dumb. You should not be bringing a child into this world. But I'm not suffering malnutrition, which is good. I pissed on the banana and it didn't change colour, I guess. Thank God I'm not pregnant. Just saying it with a full mouth.

Oh, guys, best news ever. Hey, say what you will, that kid's going to have a lot of vitamin C. Needs a lot of potassium. That's what you get from bananas. Yeah, exactly. I love the idea of throwing off, you know, it's obviously the distractor items. Yes, throwing off the scent. I still can't eat a solitary banana in public without feeling a bit embarrassed.

So you have to have like two or three in your mouth at the same time. A whole bunch of nothing guys. When you said feeling, I thought you were going to say horny because that's what happens to me. This is great. It really brings you back, doesn't it? But it's a funny distractor item. Oh, totally. Like it's the is a funny distractor item. Oh, totally.

Like it's the most borderline embarrassing real item. It's probably almost nearly more embarrassing than the one that you're trying to. What do I need? Maybe she's going, God, better throw the scent off the old single banana. Yeah, yeah. Pregnancy test. That'll do it.

You haven't got any single wrap prangers, have you? Chuck one of them in there. What do I need? Condoms, diarrhea medication and a banana. Great, I'm covered. Maybe she's got pregnant to one of the bananas and pyjamas. And so the way she's going to tell him is by, look, we're having one of these.

Well, maybe that's one of the kids, the first kids that they've already had there. A bit late for the pregnancy test. That's for number two. There's a great thing that went around on the net of like an ad for a pregnancy test. It's in the States and it's like a couple and the woman is like fucking

huge. She's six months pregnant. Huge and looking at the thing and they're both beaming and it's like this is the fucking dumbest couple alive. I love those stories so much of you know it's every kind of six months in one of those new ideas of,

I just went to the toilet and a baby came in. You love them. They terrified me my entire life. Like as soon as you start having sex, you're like, what if I'm pregnant and I don't know and then I'm going to cough and suddenly there's a baby in the doona? Because there's always those things. Like literally a woman woke up, pushed a baby into the doona

and then went back to sleep And then woke up and was like I've got a baby What did they think when the baby was kicking For like a couple of months? They just had popcorn that hadn't exploded I'm just feeling nervous I'm feeling nervous

I'm getting butterflies in my stomach Butterflies with boots on I don't mean to be rude about the women That are featured in these stories Yes, but you're going to be But if they were pregnant with a full-sized Cal Wilson They might not know Yeah, right Like it's not,, but you're going to be. But if they were pregnant with a full-size Cal Wilson, they might not know.

Yeah, right. Like, it's not, Cal, it's never going to happen to you. No, but it seems to. And some women are like 30 weeks pregnant and you just think they've put on a little bit of weight but you wouldn't think they were pregnant. Whereas I popped out everywhere immediately. Like, I looked like I had a baby in my ass as well. I just got so huge.

You farting, panicking and going Is that my arse? Twins! I just shit I didn't follow through with a baby Like I always think Because those stories become so public And it's like yeah I just went to the toilet And then I had a baby

It's like that's brutal for the kid as they grow up Like yeah Dunny baby Yeah birthed in the shitter Yeah swimming around in there. Goo goo gaga. Oh, man. And that must be some, you know that thing where like a kid will be like, oh, yeah, I'm a bit fucked up because I never got enough tension as a child.

You didn't ever get enough tension before you were a child either. Yes, yes. You didn't ever get the respect of knowing that you even existed until you literally popped out like a shit. Yeah. Dunny brush is arcing up again. Reckons he doesn't get enough attention. You're going to have to impulse name the child as well.

You haven't had the nine months to go, what are we going to call it? We're going to call it... Boris. Calendula. Yeah, I was number two. Oh, you were the second kid. No.

No. Yeah, that's really putting... You're right, that's really putting the pressure on. It's giving you stress flashbacks just talking about it. And then we're like, oh, you haven't got any clothes for the baby? Like, how are you going to do it? You're going to have to put on a sock? Like, what are you going to do?

Yeah, we didn't get the nursery ready. I guess it's staying in the toilet for now. You have to put it in a wee drawer. If you are so stressed about it, we have organised a pregnancy test and a banana for you today. It's our first Dumb Dumb Listener event in-house. Save it for the Sydney Opera. Sorry.

That's great. Let's deliver a baby on stage. That would be a hell of a show. When I did get pregnant, I did a pregnancy test and it was positive and we wanted to get pregnant so it was all good. But my husband made me do seven because he wouldn't believe it. He was like, no, do another one, do another one, do another one. Why? did a pregnancy test and it was positive and we wanted to get pregnant so it was all good um but my husband made me do seven he because he wouldn't believe it he was like no do another one do another one do another one why like i love the number seven because i love seeing one and going no no

only six more times yeah no he was just like i think because that somehow was it seven maybe it was six or something whatever there was in the packet like we did the oh right so you weren't going back to the shop oh no no no no but it was just like buying a banana every time oh man the stress of having to wee that much though like oh yeah

you've really got a hydrate yeah now that yeah that's the thing with seven because like I wonder what the world record is of like positive pregnant tests and then you get to seven

and you go negative and you're like oh all good yeah yeah like there wouldn't be it wouldn't be more than one how many were positive? All of them.

All of them. Including the first one, which is what I'm saying. How many of them were positive? Well, why are you doing, like, because I thought maybe you got to, like, maybe you hit four and then you got, like, it's like, okay, well, now we need to keep going back to the world. Yeah, now it's like rock, paper, scissors. Let's do best of seven.

You know, he just wanted to be really sure. I was like, I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant. And then we went to the doctor the next day and she was like, are you sure you're pregnant? And I went, well, we did like seven pregnancies. He was like, you're totally pregnant. Go to four more doctors and I reckon you're pregnant. And so you know how you said you were both keen and you were going,

are you sure he was? The idea of going, no, fuck it, five more. No, but what I mean is he's come around to it now. Just try again. He's so excited. He's crying. This is beautiful. Just keep trying.

Did the baby come out and he goes, nah, one more baby and then this is actually a baby. Have a few more contractions and then I'll believe it. So back with the supermarket. So this is what happens, right? That's the situation. She's sitting there and the thing is there's a commotion with the guy stumbling over buying cigarettes and whatever, right? So it's taking way too long.

Maybe he was the dad. Yeah, that's the hold up. Maybe he was the dad. Maybe he's like, I'm really nervous that I'm going to have a banana. Even her buying the test is stressing him out. She hasn't even gotten home and done it yet. Oh, premarital. There's enough money in the account for this.

He doesn't even want to be seen with her. He's buying other impulse items to not be, yeah. So that's all happening. And so she's in the middle of the old bloke with cigarettes and me, right? And so she's there and she's very, you know, she knows she's only got these two items and everyone's looking at her. So you can see her starting to get very anxious about it. So eventually, and this takes like two, three minutes,

which is quite a long time. Are you sure she's anxious about that? Or do you reckon maybe she's feeling nauseous because she's fucking pregnant? Oh, well, I don't know. She's like, I really want to eat the banana but I can't eat it till I've weighed it. Right.

Hurry the fuck up. And some weird guy in a Liverpool hat is standing behind her, watching her and taking notes. Yeah, buying three mousses. Yeah. So finally there's like two, three minutes and so finally, and you're seeing her getting very anxious for holding these two items and everyone's seeing those items.

So eventually the girl behind the counter goes, she goes, oh, so are you right with this? Just those two items? And she picks up the pregnancy test and goes, do you want this one in a bag? And so because the girl's so anxious, she just goes, I mean, it goes, yep! And like actually squeals and goes, yep!

Like she's been holding onto it way too long. And then so they pay for it and then she gets very weird about the fact she's yelped like a dog and everyone's looking at her. They put her in the bag and then the girl at the counter goes, good luck! And she walks off and then the girl walks off and just turns around and snaps and goes, I don't need it, and walks out. And what do you reckon she's referring to there?

The lark? She knows how to use a pregnancy test. She's interpreted it as, you don't know how to use that. I don't. I'm qualified. Really? Because last week you came in with a banana lodged up you. Go into the supermarket to get help with that.

I mean, you sold it to me. No, I want a refund. This pregnancy test is showing no results. I'm so frightened if you ever do become not single and have to do a pregnancy test. Babe, don't worry. I've brought back pretty much the whole fresh food section. Don't you touch me.

And one more question. Why is there a pregnancy test in the blender trying to make a smoothie out of it? It makes no sense. Babe, I worked at Boost Juice. Don't worry, I got this. Oh, that poor woman. How traumatic. Like, everything about that.

I used to work in a supermarket when I was a teenager. And if anyone ever bought condoms, I would get so embarrassed because I was like 16. And I would not be able to say, have a good night, because I would be worried that they'd go, have a good night. Like, I'd just like I just like and also I'd want to go don't buy them they've been here for months why didn't you because I was 16 I was mortified I learned my lesson um recently because I was in Adelaide and I bought at the end of the story? Yeah. I bought condoms and for the first time I was like – All right, mate. We get it.

Yeah. Wanking into a dinger. Next year's show title? We get it. You went out to oysters, had oysters with yourself, then took yourself home, wanking into a dinger. Yeah. All right.

I didn't know that's called. It's called a posh wank. Oh, what Yeah, all right. I didn't know that's called. It's called a posh wank. Oh, what? Yeah, I didn't know this until recently. Did they tell you when you bought the condoms? They're like, well, Tommy. Good luck with your posh wank. Enjoy your posh wank, sir.

How did you find this out? Because you seem disappointed in yourself that it took you so long to find out that's the term. I found this out because many moons ago disappointed in yourself that it took you so long to find out that's the term. I found this out because many moons ago, a mate's missus came home and found a condom in the bin and

rang me, freaked out, and said what the fuck's he been doing? And then I rang him and I'm like, man, because I was friends with both of them, I'm like what's happened? And he goes, I was just having a posh wank. And I was like, okay, this is now a whole different issue. What is a posh wank? And why is your girlfriend going through the bin?

Wow. More important. Why is old Dingerhans over there asking so many questions? Did you believe him or did you think it was like a Tommy Desolo covering of the Uber story? Like, I was just having a posh wank. I know it sounds naive, but I just don't think he would lie. Like I know how naive that sounds but, yeah.

And posh wank was too quick off the tongue. It wasn't like I was having a look around, fan, light bulb, book wank. I fell into the condom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you would like to think if he's – you'd like to hope that if he is doing the wrong thing that he's covering it better than just chucking it in the bin for her to find. I've just looked it up and it is a thing.

I can confirm. And I love it because it's in like this fake online dictionary. So it's trying to look like a proper dictionary by giving the explanation and an example. So it says posh wank, plural, posh wanks, used in Britain, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, slang, vulgar. An act of male masturbation with a condom placed over the penis. Example, Mark bought a packet of condoms so that he could have a posh wank.

Poor Mark. Mark sounds lonely. I just love the explanation, like we couldn't figure it out. And then they've just gone, he had a posh wank. Oh, okay, we get it now. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Now that you've got a noun involved. It was a word picture.

Well, speaking of the dinger in the bin, a friend of mine, her old housemate years ago, the housemate had this like dumb as shit boyfriend who she said you could always tell when he'd been around because then the next day you'd find condoms in the recycling bin. That's like nah, mate. Nah, they don't go there.

Who wants to give those little sperm a second chance? Go free, little fella. Does he figure that the sperm bank come and pick them up in the recycles? Yes. Some things are reused, not recycled. I bought condoms in Anaheim and for the first time I was like, you know what? You're an adult.

Don't buy distracted items. Oh, yeah, nice. Just buy your condoms. And there's a self-serve checkout. Just buy your condoms. Buy your condoms with an ear horn. Just put condoms on. On one of those hoverboards.

Just the condoms and the soundtrack to Shaft. Nothing sus. Just, you know. But then, so I went to self-serve checkout and, of course, South Australia is a bag-free state. Oh, so you have to go bareback, right? Oh, wow. You whip the girl and you whip it out.

No, no, no, we're bag-free here. If you want a posh wank, you're going to have to go to Perth. Sorry, wow. Wow. You whip the girl and you whip it out. No, no, no, we're bag free here. If you want a posh wank, you're going to have to go to Perth. Sorry, mate. You can no longer use a supermarket bag as a condom. That is. Oh, not anymore. God damn nanny state. They're ruining everything.

Once again, I can offer you a reusable thicker condom. A canvas condom. And so that kind of, I was like, oh, so now I'm going to carry these. It wasn't like a massive 144 packet or anything. No, but it's just a box. You didn't get a slab of condoms, did you? A pallet. I'm carrying them on the shoulder.

That's great. What a great way of trying to really big yourself up to the people who work at Coles You're just at the aisle and the guy comes past you like Mate you got any more out the back? Because I'm just looking at this selection here I didn't think of that but that is a cool look You know the old look of the ciggies up the sleeve Condoms up the sleeve

Wow That is cool I'm starting to see why that woman was angry you didn't go out with her Oh yeah But I was wearing Because it was just down from my hotel It was the middle of summer I was wearing just boardies and a t-shirt

And so I didn't They couldn't fit in my pocket So I'm walking down Rundle Mall Put them in the back of your undies Just put them all on Chuck out the box Like when you get on the plane And you've got too much carry-on luggage, you just wear it.

That's great. So you're weighing your bag and you're like, I'm sorry, you're just like a few grams over. You're 30 grams over. Oh, hang on, no, it's inside out. Oh, no, that was the right way. Oh, no, it's inside out. If you undress slowly, I can sort this problem out.

Excuse me, sir, you haven't put your seatbelt on. You're not going to be very safe. Oh, I'm safe. Well, I hope so. I found these in the recycling bin. Excuse me, can I get one of those fat person extension belts to get me around my erection and 30 condoms, please? Please attend to the needs of children before taking care of yourself.

Jesus Christ. Reach for the plastic thing coming from above. What about the one from below? So, you're walking down the street. I'm starting to panic now. I've gone from being an adult and just throw your cotton off. I've got to buy a banana. and just buy a... Just throw your cotton off.

I've got to buy a banana. Yeah. Oh, God. And I'm thinking it's only like 50 metres to my hotel, maybe 100 metres, but it's Rundle Mall, middle of summer. You can sprint. Yeah. That guy needs to have sex.

Okay, you can fuck me, but only if you're back in a minute. And go. One of those domino's roots. If it's not here in five minutes, I'm gone. You've got to put a cone over the garlic bread as well. Cheesy crust? No, thanks. I promise you, it was like the world had conspired against me.

If I usually make that walk in the middle of a city, it's very rare that I'll get stopped for one photo. Right. I got stopped for three photos on the way back to the hotel and they were questionably and more questionably younger and younger as I got closer to the hotel. And were you holding the box up like? I put it behind.

So I went, yeah. I was like, yeah, sure, we can have a photo. Like the sleaziest magician. Man. What's this behind your ear? I put the hand behind my back and one hand around them and they take a selfie. And the first one was like a kind of middle-aged woman.

The next one was a younger woman. And then the last one was like a 14-year-old boy. Wow. So by the time you get back to the hotel, you're three condoms down. And I talked about it on radio And the middle girl Who would have been like 20 or something Tweeted the photo And she goes

Do you mean this time And it's so clear It's me smiling With my hand so obviously So high up behind your back The condoms are on your shoulder. Like a pirate. Like a really safe sex pirate.

Like the good angel. Do it with me. This is the worst version of Goldilocks ever. Yeah, I had that for a long time, the like having to go. Photos in the street? No, you didn't. Having to go buy distractor items with the condoms and I had a very clear night where I went to buy some

and I was like, this is it. This is the night where you get over it. Just buy them without anything else. I'm in a 7-Eleven, I'm at the counter and I'm feeling so proud of myself and it's like a Saturday night and this group of like pissed lads come in and I'm the first thing they see and they just absolutely light up like, hey, get in the room! And they're like shoving me as I'm trying to hand over my money

and I just went, well, this has put me back years. I don't think I'll ever recover from this. That is a photo I'd like to see. Ironically, I'm more fucked now than I was ever going to be tonight. The worst time I've ever bought condoms was because you can get them on a script. I don't know if you can do that here, but you get them on a prescription and then you get them really cheap in New Zealand. Wait, wait, wait.

Hang on. So you can buy condoms on a prescription plus girls buy condoms? Of course they do. Fuck. This is blowing my world. What? You've never heard of a girl buying condoms? A girl has never bought condoms with me. That's because no girl wants

to fuck you. To be fair... Oh, God. I lit up. I was like, I've never seen an opening so big here. This is a fucking football field for me to kick this with. Welcome back to the World Low-Hanging Fruit Championship.

It's like a giant fles flashing ring with fire around it. I would like to think that every girl has wanted a baby with me on a first date. So anyway, so I've got my prescription of condoms. I go to this chemist shop and they don't have the brand that I want. And they're like, oh, but we've got different brands. And then all of a sudden, I sort of, it was like I blacked out and I came to and there was me and two pharmacists standing at the counter looking through a condom catalogue and they were discussing.

They were discussing, well, these ones are quite good. You get 12 in this packet and these ones are for the – and then I was suddenly – Is it like a lookbook like they have in country? It was like a lookbook. It was like a lookbook. Trying him out. And I just had this moment. This moment of going. A sample patch, you can feel it.

This cannot be happening to me. And I was just like, I'll just get them somewhere else. And walked out. But it was like this 20 minutes of like, well, we've got these ones. And I was like, this is supposed to be discreet.

You're supposed to be discreet. It's like, don't gather the shop staff around to workshop which condoms I should be using. That's great. And what sort of tips are they giving you? I don't remember. I just remember they're like, you know, these were 12 packs and we can order these in.

That's great. It's not a fucking bespoke condoms. Like, just give me. And you're out of body by that time. Yeah, totally out of body. Totally like, how is this? Like you said, Tommy, it should be like a book of carpet samples where it's like you can, oh, yeah, this ribbing feels good, yeah.

But you know you're meant to feel it and you know there'd be a boy that would just walk in, gets his dick out and rubs him again. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, can, oh, yeah, this ribbing feels good, yeah. But you know you're meant to feel it and you know there'd be a boy that would just walk in, gets his dick out and rubs him again. Like, oh, yeah, no, yeah, oh, yeah, right on. It's like they do pantyhose samples. Like if you're buying pantyhose, they've got them all hanging off their card. Just saying to the guys behind the counter, can you just leave and give me a few minutes with the book, thanks? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And if it's really going to be like that, there should be the couple, not just one person. It should be like both people could have a go and go, what do you think, honey? Does that feel good? It's nice on the outside, but on the inside it feels like grit. I love when with those things, like for them, they're so matter of fact. So every day. I went to Sexpo when I was like 19, right, and I was with my best mate

and we were walking around like nervous kids, too scared to touch anything, talk to anybody. It's the wildest thing you can think of doing at that age. Imagine a whole warehouse where people are just there talking about sex. Like it's not an awful, terrible, bad thing. But there's also a little part of you who probably goes into Sexpo going, am I going to have sex in here? What sort of free samples do they get?

Yeah, exactly. That's great. Turning up at the door, one root, please. I've got a box of condoms behind my back and I intend to use them. I'll take the extra ticket with the wine and cheese platter, thanks, if that helps get me over the line to do the deed. Wait, you don't know what they do with a wine bottle. Disturbing.

So we're walking around so scared. Then finally my mate decides to approach one of the stands and the first thing he picks up is he picks up this vibrator, right, and the guy on the stand is huge. He's like one of those manpower, clearly like must be a stripper or something, like a massive rig. And he just walks over and he goes, oh, yeah, vibrators. All right, that one can be used for vaginal insertion.

Then picks up this little round one and he goes, this one can also be used for vaginal insertion or you can shove that up your own anus. My mate just looks at him and the only noise he can get out, he goes, ha-ha, and then walks off. I wonder if their day is just Full of people Like giggling And losing their shit

Like where they're just like Oh another Just It's fucking vibrating Yeah What's the breakdown Between people Yeah giggling

People trying Too hard to look Kind of cool with everything And fucking it up It'd be fast It'd be Or people Way too comfortable

Yeah exactly Yeah So what other things Can I insert this into? Just talk me through the full range. It's like you don't need too many explanations. Like whatever you see is pretty much going to go up something. That'd be great going in there and trying to test the people at the booths.

Now, I've run out of holes in my own body. Is there anything new you can recommend for me? Because I swear to God I must be missing something. Could you fuck a new hole into me somewhere? Oh, my God! Is there a product that does that? Kind of a drill of sorts. I feel like if you googled long enough you would find that.

Oh yeah. Like you just have to know how to search properly I'm sure. Not that I want you know, Carl you can look it up now. Carl I want to go back to the, and pardon my ignorance, the prescription for condoms. Yeah.

I don't get it. Well, so you just – it's like you get birth control and a prescription, I suppose, as well. But you could just – they'd give you a script for like 144 condoms or whatever and then it would cost you 12 bucks or something. I get what you mean because it used to be like that with asthma medication. So you used to be able to buy asthma stuff across the counter. And then they would give you condoms.

I'm like, I'm sucking on 144 condoms. Why am I still wheezy? But you can get them cheaper on a prescription. Yes, you get a script. It's like half the price. Yeah. That's like there was literally something in the news, what, two days ago where they found a lady who had 30…

Oh, 27. 27 contact lenses on her eye. Oh, because she wouldn't take them out that's what Tommy used to do with the condoms in his eye actually in his eye terrible vision it's not cataracts at all

why do these contact lenses make my vision more blurry I'm using all these condoms and I'm less safe if anything I can't see anything that's like the baby in the doona thing again of like how do you not know that you've got 27 contact lenses? And is your vision getting worse? Or better and better.

It is like the first time I can see through time. My friends call me laser eye. You put the 20th one on, oh, my dead dad's back. Cool. That's great. Can't wait to see what happens tomorrow. Yeah. Someone's saying you know you've got too many contact lenses on you like sorry I'm looking at China at the moment.

Were you about to say condom lenses? Hey so we are going to Montreal I think this is the last episode we talk into before we go to Montreal and you are going to Montreal as well. Yeah. To the Montreal, the big Just for Laughs comedy festival.

We're going on the same flight. Exactly. Now, question to you. This is the first time you've been, yeah? Yeah. Yes. So you'd be very excited to go. Yeah.

Were you a bit less excited when you found out that we're invited as well? Because you must have been like, this is the most prestigious comedy festival in the world. I've got the call up. Oh, they're giving it out to fucking anyone now. I mean, do you want my been like, this is the most prestigious comedy festival in the world that I've got the call up. Oh, they're giving out to fucking anyone now. I mean, do you want my honest answer or my podcast answer? Either. No, I was fucking excited when I found out you was. Oh, great.

Because also it's one of those things where, like, you're excited, but you're also nervous because it's the unknown. And so having a couple of mates is like, oh, fine. These pricks will fuck it up way more than I will. Yeah, exactly. There you go. I gave you a little of both there. Yeah, these bricks will fuck it up way more than I will yeah exactly there you go I gave you a little of both there yeah that was nice that was real nice

yeah because there are a few there's not that many Australians going no they've really cut it down they're not doing the Australian showcase anymore I think which is why less people are going

oh well they're not doing it this year I don't know if that's forever yeah right so there's no chance of us getting a stand up gig cool so

so it's like you and us getting a stand-up gig. Cool. So it's like you and us and Will Anderson and Carl Barron. Damien Power. Ivan Aristegueta is going. Oh, really? Yeah. Randy. Purple Randy the purple puppet is going to be there.

Yeah. So yeah, they've got all the novelty acts of puppet and two fuckheads in the podcast. But that's going to be exciting. So we've never been to Canada before or, you know, we're going to America as well. Are you just going to Montreal? Yeah, I had to get time off radio and they weren't, yeah, they weren't, you know, they don't love if you go,

hey, I'm going for work, taking a week in LA on the end of it because, you know, Papa needs some sunshine. Can't you just Sandy Lands it up and do it from LA? I'm doing it. I've done a fair bit of that this year. Not from LA but from Adelaide, Tasmania, Perth. Well, that reminds me because you've got your afternoon radio show, Carrie and Tommy.

Yeah. Now, that was announced. You looked at me like you didn't know the name and you work in the office where the show is. Yes, but I don't know the name. So which one of you is the Tommy in the show? Yeah. So when that show was announced,

that's just to remind us before we started today, when that show was announced in the paper, the great thing was that it was on page nine of the Herald Sun or whatever and you guys got a big photo and awesome. Then on page eight was us, was me and you, Tommy, with an article about you shouldn't wear shorts in comedy, which sort of puts into perspective how hard it is to get into the paper a little bit, I guess. Yeah.

That was because, yeah, you texted us to say you're on the way today and the last text that you had sent to both of us was, I have to announce a fucking radio show to get in the paper. You cunts get in there from wearing shorts at a gig. Fuck this. Was that your first talk break on the new radio show? Oh, that should have been.

Which now, by the way, anytime a listener of this show is at a gig and the comedian is in shorts, I get a message going, ah, you'd hate this. I'm pro shorts in the article. I've always been fine with the shorts. I've somehow had that levelled at me that I'm the anti-shorts guy.

Who was wearing shorts? Who started the short debacle? It was something I tweeted because it was really hot. This story is coming back to haunt me yet again. It was a really hot day and I had just tweeted like, hey, are we going to – I put on Facebook, comedians doing gigs tonight. Are we relaxing the no shorts on stage rule because it's like 40 degrees?

And heaps of people commented. It just got exactly what I wanted, just turned into an online shit fight. And then a guy from the Herald Sun who I'm friends with calls me up and goes, so yeah, what's the what's this all about? And I'm like, oh, it's not really a thing, it's just me being silly. And he's like, oh, because I was thinking I'd maybe put it in the paper and quote you. I'm like, oh, it's absolutely a thing.

Here's, you know, here's what people think about it. Because I've got another thing that's not really a thing on the next page. So I'm like, oh, it's absolutely a thing. Here's what people think about it. Because I've got another thing that's not really a thing on the next page. So I'm pushing your not thing in front of that fuckhead's not thing. We've got some Bigfoot sightings lined up for page 10, so this will really round it out. Did we actually talk about this, the thing off the back of it, which was they quoted me after it. They quoted a couple of comedians.

And then they quoted Nick Capa talking about the shorts. Oh, no, you should be able to wear, shorts are cool. You know, it says, oh, Capa says shorts are cool. And then in hindsight, we've gone,

hang on, they think that's Warwick Capa talking about shorts, about wearing shorts. Yeah, I think, I'm pretty sure that's what it was. Because everything else,

because everything else is like, oh, comedian Carl Chandler weighed in and said this, comedian this person weighed in and said this, da, da, da, da, da, the quote said Capa.

Yeah. No context. It's legendary AFappa. Yeah. No context. It's legendary AFL. No, no. They've just gone, this is perfect. The perfect storm where Kappa has somehow found his way into Tommy Daslow's Facebook page to talk about shorts going, well, if it's good enough for me, it's good enough for you, Tommy Daslow.

Under an alias that's still his actual last name. One of the most recognisable things. And then, yeah. You love Kappa. Warwick. Warwick, yes. The Wiz. Yes. I'm a big fan of the Wiz.

I think he's hilarious. I did make the mistake years ago when I first did a cross with him and met him. I didn't know his gear. Like I didn't know. He's got like these jokes that he whips out all the time, every time. Yeah, he's got duck sandwich, midgets playing mini golf. And I felt so bad because the first thing he said to me, he goes, oh, you know, high

flying back in the day. One day I was up in the air so long and I went, what did they offer you, in-flight service? And he goes, oh, I was going to say that. Oh, you broke Warwick Kappa's heart. And I was like, oh, I didn't know. Because he kind of paused over his what's my punchline again. And so I went, well, here's a joke. And he went, no, fuck.

That must feel good for your ego, though. You're as funny as Warwick Kappa. You keep trying, kids. as funny as Warwick Capper. You keep trying, kids. But he's recently done a thing where, what's he charging like 30 bucks to do a... A phone call?

A phone call? Yeah. That was great. You not knowing the word for phone call and you just had your hand out pushing your thumb like, guys, help me out here. But that's still not what I'm looking for. Right. Oh, your voice message. He does your message. Yeah. Because that's a big thing in the States. Right, guys, help me out here. But that's still not even, that's still not what I'm looking for. Right. Oh, your voice message. A conversation. A voice message.

He does your message. Yeah, yeah. Because that's a big thing in the States. Right, right, right. Do you remember when he released a porn movie? Yeah. Because you know his gig used to be he would go to like a footy club and his live show would be watching his porno and adding comments.

Oh, my God. Yeah. That's great. Isn't it? That's the best commentary of him having said. Wow. Well, not, no, stars God. Yeah. That's great. Isn't his commentary of him having sex? Wow. Well, no, Star's commentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sure he got a director's credit on this somewhere. Some sort of EP credit at the very least. Oh, you'd be like, if he ever goes on holiday, you're like, oh, what's this movie going to be like? Is it actually going to be like the Grand Canyon? Or are we going, oh, no, it's just him and that woman again. That's great. Yeah, he's gone on this big round the world trip.

I can't wait to see the slides. It's the porno again. I just wonder whether we should bring this up because Warwick Kappa's done that. It's like $30 to do a voice message or something like that. Nick Kappa said to us that he would volunteer to do, because he's got to pay Tommy Daslow back for going to Thailand for our Thailand podcast festival, right? He's got to pay him back. Nick Kappa suggested that he does listener call-outs. He delivers things to listeners'

houses. Well, it started with him going, what if you've got, I'm about to go to, he said, I'm about to go to Sydney and Brisbane, and if you guys have listeners there that have bought t-shirts, I'll just drop them off to their house and that can be part of the incentive. And then I said, let's get the T-shirts out of here. What if on this podcast we start selling a Kappa gram? So we take a commission and he just like turns up to your house

and I don't know, we've got to work out the finer points with it. We've got to work out the actual product. So far all we've got is imagine Nick Capper turning up at your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that's a good enough product as is. Yeah. What if you get him to dress as Warwick Capper? Oh, that's not bad.

That's pretty good. Then he can only talk in Warwick Capper quotes. To be fair, I think he looks more ridiculous as Nick Capper. We should find the things that Warwick – because, yeah, Capper's like pretty – Warwick Capper is pretty shameless. Like he'll – you know, there's all these – like every year around the grand final, like doesn't he sell a thing We should find the things that Warwick – because, yeah, Warwick Capper is pretty shameless. Like he'll – you know, there's all these – like every year around the grand final, like doesn't he sell a thing where you can just like go to his house and watch the grand final with him and stuff?

So we should find out all the things that Warwick Capper charges for and we get Nick Capper to do the exact same things but we just undercut Warwick. Yeah, right. That would be tough. I don't think Warwick Capper is doing it for that much. I think Capper is paying you five bucks. I think Nick Capper definitely is doing it for that much. Yeah, somebody's paying you five bucks. I think Nick Capper definitely is doing it for that much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I feel like your next project should be watching the grand final from Warwick Capper's house and doing the little dum-dum podcast from Warwick Capper's house. That's a great idea, stacking the audience. And so you all just turn up. He doesn't know, but you all turn up in dum-dum shirts. It'd be like the most amazing slash meanest thing.

I feel like even better would be selling it as come and watch the grand final with Kappa and not specifying that it's not Warwick and it ends up being Nick Kappa. And we just get a room full of very angry AFL fans. Because that is not going to go wrong. If you want a way to get the shit kicked out of you, there's easier ways to do it. Hey, this could go viral. This could make our podcast.

We could be back in Montreal next year with a brand new show. Oh yeah, that's what people think. They go, you know that video of that guy getting the absolute shit kicked out of him? Do you know he's got a podcast? We should listen to that. He sounds really different now his jaw's been set. And the other guy, no teeth at all

but lovely. Hey, it's still as stupid as the idea of going to teeth at all, but lovely. Hey, it's still as stupid an idea as going to Thailand to record an audio podcast. I think it's still up there. Yeah. Hey, I'll say this quickly because we're getting near the end of the show. I have to head off in a minute because I am heading to the airport to go to the Splendour in the Grass Festival. Now, this will be the fourth year in a row that I've been there.

The three other years I've been there, there's been a little old woman with a stall selling Native American headdress on full display. Now, what do we reckon? Year four, is she giving it a go? Because every year I turn up and I go, surely this is the year they've told her to fuck off. And she keeps getting let back in.

Is she a little Native American lady? No. Well, no. Well, that's a stupid question because if she was, she'd be like, what am I selling these for? Exactly, yeah. You know what the big problem is? I think you're more offensive than her because you're wondering why it's happening. You keep turning up and going, how?

And she goes, oh, fuck, I've got another customer. Oh, my God. Did Warwick Capper write that for you? Carl Chandler, the biggest thing on the comedy field. Carl Chandler gets his jokes written by Warwick Kappa. Fuck, I wish. That'd be awesome. Surely, surely, surely Splendour in the Glass would be a place where people would go, no,

no, no, you can't. Well, that's what I think. That's why it amazes me that she's back every issue. Maybe she's putting in- Are people buying them? I've seen a couple of people there with them and it's unclear whether they've turned up with these pre-bought or whether they're getting them from her. Fuck.

If they've turned up pre-bought, there's a big market for Indian headdresses that I did not know existed. Yeah, it's a big festival thing. Do you not think – I always – like even when I pitch to festivals, it doesn't surprise me at all. You see hot – it's always hot girls wearing them. Because there's a couple of festivals now that actively go, do not bring this shit in. Like this is uncool. Oh, really?

Yeah. Do they specify that or more things than that? That's one of the things that they single out. What other things? Bowler hats and anything that Jamiroquai has ever worn. Right, right, right. Don't fucking turn up in it. No fucking mirror balls on your head. Is it because of that rule because people will turn up and go, oh, fuck, Jamiroquai has ever worn, don't fucking turn up in it. No fucking mirror balls on your head.

Is it because of that rule because people will turn up and go, oh, fuck, Jamiroquai's here? And just so many people disappointed every year. It's like, just get rid of it so no one thinks he's here. He must look at the cultural shift that's happened re-Native American headdress and just think, fuck me, I dodged a bullet. Fuck me, now I'm just a guy with nothing on my head wearing furry pants. Yeah, yeah.

Boring. Yeah, PC cultural, grab them next. Fucking hell. dodged a bullet fuck me now I'm just a guy with nothing on my head wearing furry pants yeah yeah boring yeah PC cultural grab them next fuck it up all the fawns will be upset about it like Mr Tumnus will be like

you can't have hairy legs yeah no one gets the nanny reference it was only for me it took me a little bit I got it well we better wrap this up

for another week on the little dum-dum club Cal Wilson and Tommy Little thank you so much for joining us thanks guys good luck in Montreal thank you thank you so much for joining us. Thanks, guys. Good luck in Montreal. Thank you.

Thank you. Kel, what have you got coming up that you would care to plug? I've got a kid's book coming out at the beginning of the year, which is very exciting, and I'm writing another kid's book. So next year, hopefully, there might even be two out. Really banking on the success of that first one before it's coming out. Yeah, yeah, I'm really hopeful. I mean, I've got a lot of photocopying to do.

So it's a zine. That's called a zine. It's a zine. I'm doing a zine. A self-published zine. Yeah, I'm really hopeful. I mean, I've got a lot of photocopying to do. So it's a zine. That's called a zine. It's a zine. I'm doing a zine. A self-published zine. You know how you always forget books once you've read them anyway. Did it start off as like a normal book and then someone went, oh, nice kids book, and you're like, oh, fuck now. That's what I meant. No, it's... Mr. Poppypants

is not a kids book. It's just all, it's basically a condom catalogue, but it's got like great, great, great. I love the scratch and sniff books.

It's a pop-up book with condoms. Oh shit. My first fringer. Great. Oh wow, I think I just lost my contract

with the publishing company. Cool. And you are at Calbone on Twitter? that's right. Cool. So tell me a little, you're in Montreal.

You're hosting the big Just for Laughs Sydney Opera House showcase comedy show. They're really fun shows because they can't announce the comics that are on them because often they're doing big shows in the main theatre there and for a third of the price you can come and see them. Sometimes they're doing massive big podcasts. And there is a discount available when you get a ticket to our show,

which is selling at a rate of knots. Yeah. As in it's not selling. Weird choice of phrase there. I've always heard. I just wanted to try that. It's not selling. To use a technical term, it's selling at a rate of we're fucked.

No, no, no. It's selling good. But you can get a discount. If you buy our ticket, you can selling at a rate of we're fucked. No, no, no. It's selling good. But you can get a discount. If you buy our ticket, you can then get a discount to the stand-up show. It's not a big crossover there. Comedians and yachting. Well, prove me wrong. Come in in your skipper's hat, guys.

Come into the podcast. All that great yacht comedy that everyone does. Brilliant. Just America's Cup jokes over and over please come dressed as Gilligan or the skipper please

alright guys thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time see you mates