The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 357 - Live! Ronny Chieng, Charlie Pickering & Scott Dooley

Episode Date: August 9, 2017

Dodgy Openings, Ronny's Dads Bananas and Ace Ventura Apologies. Recorded LIVE at Union Hall in New York on August 2, 2017.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode live from New York with famous New York comedians Charlie Pickering, Scott Dooley and Ronnie Chang. But before we get into that, we as always have some stuff to plug. If you want to come see us live in Sydney, you can do so at the Sydney Opera House Thursday, September the 14th at 9pm. There are less than 20 tickets left at this stage. So get on that ASAP. Yep, that's it. There ain't no more after this, so please get on to that.

They're just up the back. It's your last chance to see us. You know, we don't get up to Sydney too often, so please take the opportunity or we mightn't be back for a while. So get on to that. Like Tommy said, less than 20. So it's going to be sold out. It's going to be sold out really soon, so do that um then of course we are before that we're in brisbane that is sold out so but

just everyone remember to turn up um it's going to be a big fun fest we're going to be doing our stand-up i'm going to be recording i'm going to be attempting to record an album there so um i'm going to be doing that plus you know what we can give a little plug afterwards um should we announce the guests i guess we can it's sold out so who cares announce the guests? I guess we can. It's sold out, so who cares? Sure, fine. The guests in Brisbane are Harley Breen from Radio and the Internet and from the Little Dumb Dumb Club. He's been on that before.

Dilruk Jaya Singer from heaps of bullshit. And we've got one more guest that we will announce very soon. So I just realized halfway through. Oh, fuck. We haven't even asked that third person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is sold out, so it doesn't mean anything to anyone anyway because you've either got a ticket or you don't.

So that's going to be a heap of fun. Hey, the lineup, if it was really bad, could inspire people to not come. So, you know, we're still taking a risk. A quick little free plug, I guess, for the guest of the show of that day, Harley Brain. He's going to be doing an hour of stand-up straight after our show. So if you want to hang around for that, get ready for a fourth hour of comedy for some reason.

Also, yeah, the Melbourne live show we have coming up October the 21st with huge guests, Fiona O'Loughlin and Lawrence Mooney. That is at the Croxton Park Hotel, the site of our 300th episode last year. This is going to be awesome. This is going to be a huge, huge night. It is going to be brutal. It is going to be no holds barred. The absolute favourite pairing of you guys who listen to the show live on stage,

playing to an audience, so try to be as rank as they possibly can to get a reaction. It's going to be massive. Well, we'll see. There's going to be a lot of truth told. There's going to be, you know, Moon and Fiona, you know what you're getting with them. You've heard the other episodes. So what we haven't done before is have one of those episodes live.

Usually it's in the safety of a small room with me and Tommy and there's four people in a room and you don't know what you're going to get out of those guys because it's pretty brutal, it's pretty raw. So let's see what they've got for a big audience to see how that dynamic works. Totally, yeah. Where it's selling very well. It's like we've said before. It's the last show we're going to do in Melbourne for the year.

So I think it's touching on half full now. Great. It is selling. It's selling tickets every single day. They send us a little update of tickets sold. And every single day we're getting more tickets. Great. Perfect.

That's what we want. There's no blank days. Great. So it's going to be wild. And there's still ages to go. It's October 21st. So there's like, from the day of this episode going up, it's more than two months to go. So it is going to be heaving by the time it gets around to it.

So don't fuck up. And you know what? Maybe we should mention this as well. It is, if you want to make a weekend of it and you are from interstate, if you're not from Melbourne, a lot of people are doing this already, the Dollop are touring. Our good friends, the Dollop. Yeah, they're on the Thursday night, I think. So they're on the Thursday.

We're on the Saturday. So you can make a big weekend of it. Yeah. You'll have to find something else to do on the Friday. But hey, you know, there's culture. There's restaurants. There's nice views. Just so you see, it's not our responsibility to plan your fucking Friday night for you.

Fuck, I just realized. I was going to say, oh, my comedy club, there's a gig I run called Basement Comedy Club on a Saturday night. Oh, that's right. It's A, on a Saturday, and B, I won't even be there because we'll be doing our show. So why mention it? Cool, so those two things, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to that. We also need to mention the Patreon, which people very kindly continue to contribute to every month. It helps us keep the show going. We really appreciate it. You get sweet

rewards, including bonus episodes, including a magazine that we draw up every month. And the sweetest part of it all is you get your name read out at the start of an episode of the Little Dum Dum Club. Now this segment, mercifully in some people's eyes, took a break last week.

It is back. It is back. It is back and fighting fit. It's back because basically my laptop got fucked on. It got fucked? You fucked on your laptop? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, what actually happened is I was at this show that is about to come up at the New York Live podcast.

Oh, you were at that? Yeah, I was there. Oh, cool. I got a ticket. It wasn't a bad show. I might listen to, you were at that? Yeah, I was there. Oh, cool. I got a ticket. It wasn't a bad show. I might listen to this. No, I won't. I was there.

We were doing a bit of work at the front of it before the show was on and I had a beer. I spilled one drop of beer on my laptop. It then stopped working. It's not been working for a week. I maligned my laptop. Great. Yeah.

One drop was too much for it. It's not much of a drink in my laptop. Yeah, well, it had been on the wagon. It had been on the wagon. Fuck, I never know that one. It had been on the wagon for several years of one drop. It was all it took and it just spiraled back out of control. Yeah, yeah.

It's been in a few meetings. At the moment, it's all right. Right this second, it's had a very clear little moment where it's actually working for one second. A hot LA minute. As soon as I turn my back on it, I'm sure it'll be back the back on it though back on the piss well uh let's get into it we have uh well it's working i reckon while we're overseas and we're doing things a bit differently let's do five this week you pick five five yeah i reckon we do five all right let's do five um okay

i can i can sort that uh all right thank you patreon subscribers. The first one out of five, as you said, Tommy. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Chris Hale. Hale. Rain, hail, or shine, we are getting that money from Chris Hale. Oh, hail, hail, rock and roll. You've fucking done it again, Chrissy. You've given us some sweet coin. Hale sees up more like hail Chris. Yeah.

Giving us that money. Chris more like some crisp notes folding up and going straight into our back pockets. Very, very nice. Money talks, Chris. Money talks. Bullshit walks, but you're walking. So you're calling him bullshit? Yeah.

Okay. Well, I don't agree with that at all because I think he's doing something very generous. You've turned me. All right. He's talking. I don't think he's bullshit in any way, shape or form. He's talking. Thanks, Chris.

Thanks, Chris. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Aaron Walk. Aaron Walk. Bullshit talks and Aaron Walks. This is like sort of inadvertently turning into that game where it's like, you know, you say a thing and then the next, the word for the word before has to lead into it. We're doing a bit of train tracks here. Yeah, yeah.

Aaron Walk. Oh, the ghost who walks. Yeah to lead into it. We're doing a bit of train tracks here. Yeah, yeah. Aaron, Aaron Walk. Oh, the ghost who walks. Yeah. The generous man who walks. Yeah. Well, thanks, Aaron. Yeah, thanks for, man, he's so generous. He's not only given us names, us money, given us names.

He's not only given us money, he's also given himself an extra A at the start of his name. What a generous man. Three A's. No, I didn't know. Just two. Oh, well, that's how you spell Aaron. Well, not always. Yes, always.

There are people called Aaron with one A. There are not. There are. There are absolutely not. I'm looking it up right now. Well, okay, I'll agree with you because I can't be fucked listening to you look up something, this riveting content. Too late.

You're Googling something on your broken ass laptop. Too late. Oh, cool. Let's see what the fucking broken computer has to say about it. I'm sure this information will be tip-top. It's not going to change facts just because it's broken. Well, who knows? I've seen what that thing is doing. Who knows what it's capable of?

Oh, here we go. Aaron is the name of a Pokemon to start with. A-R-O-N. So it is the name of something. Oh, you fucking nerd. You fucking big dork. I'm not a nerd for googling a name. Once you virgin. I'm not a nerd. You fucking big dork. I'm not a nerd for Googling a name. Have sex once, you virgin. I'm not a nerd.

Stop going on about your fucking Digimon. I don't know everything about it just because I Googled it. It was the top response, all right? Stop bullying me. It also comes up on Wikipedia. Aaron is a masculine given name and a surname. It's an alternative spelling of Aaron plus Tommy Daslow is a little fuckhead. That's what it says here.

That last bit just goes to show that you can't believe anything that you read on Wikipedia. All right. Thanks, Aaron. Thanks, Aaron. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Anna Stefan. Anna Stefan. Or Stefan, who knows?

Or Arna Stefan. Is that an alternate spelling of Stephanie? It's an alternate spelling of nearly every other name except for Stefan. Great Pokemon, Stefan. Yeah. Oh, man. What's the powers it has again? To give fuckheads money?

Yes. Dipping into the old bank account and just hurling crisp ones at you. Shoving two hands in the back pocket, depositing whatever they have into a podcast and flying us to LA, basically. Sure, yeah. You have sponsored this trip. Thanks, Anna. Yeah. Very nice of you.

And number four, let's do this. Number four. What have we got? Thank you to Patreon subscriber Fiona Moss. Oh, Fiona Moss. Yeah. Well, a rolling stone gathers no moss. Well, a travelling podcast has gathered some sweet coin from a moss.

Some moss funds. Yeah. Some sweet moss bunts. Yep. Thanks for the sweet cash, Fiona Moss. Moss, again, how's life been with that name? Moss, yeah. It's not awesome.

It's not ideal. What's the best one you've ever copped? I mean, obviously, you would have got at some stage one of these Rolling Stone ones. Moss the Boss. Yeah. Moss's Dross. You know, it would have been interesting if she'd ever tried to fuck Mick Jagger and then she would have said, sorry, didn't you know the rule?

A Rolling Stone gathers no moss. Or is that like post-coital? You go, well, I guess we proved that one. Oh, yeah. Very nice. That's what I'd well, I guess we proved that one. Oh, yeah. Because you're lighting up a cigarette. That's what I'd say if I ever fucked Mick Jagger. You would say, oh, I guess that proves that saying wrong. And him going, what saying is that?

And you saying, a stitch in time saves nine. And then he says, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And then you root again. What if you picked up Mick Jagger and as his dick's getting hard, you're like, well, I guess you could say I'm really starting you up. Oh, yeah. You know? Or you take your mouth off his little dicky for one second and say,

well, I guess finally I am giving you some satisfaction. Yeah, all of these ones. We could sit here and do their entire discography. Fuck, we are so ready for if we ever fuck one of the Rolling Stones. Well, yeah. I mean, I think it might be a bit wasted on the other ones. Keith Richards, yeah. I haven't got a lot for him.

I don't think he'd remember the names of any of his back catalogue. You know what I mean? Nothing worse than going, now that's what I call brown sugar. Yeah, right. And he's just looking at you going, why did you say that? Well, you could fuck the drummer and then go, Charlie, what's up? What's up? I'm going to fuck you.

That's what's up. But that also, that would work even if he was just not in the Rolling Stones. Right. Just say that to him anyway. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. Thanks, Mick. Thanks, Mick and Keith and the boys.

To be fair, they're not sponsoring us this week. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, it's Fiona Moss. That was. Oh, Fiona, Fiona. Fiona Moss. That's where we got that from. Well, let's do number five. We've done five, haven't we? Is that five. Oh, right. Okay. It's Fiona Moss. That was. Fiona Moss. That's where we got that from.

Well, let's do number five. We've done five, haven't we? Is that five? No, that was four. That was only four. One more to do. I thought that was the fifth one. Yeah, that sounded like a bit of a fifth one, but no, it's usually.

What do you mean? What does that mean? That just sounds like what the fifth ones usually sort of sound like. What, you think there's a pattern? Oh, you haven't noticed, but I don't know. It's boring. I'll tell you off air, but I picked up on, I've sort of done a bit of, I've gone back and listened to all of them.

Okay. A beautiful mind style in my room now is kind of got them all written down. Wow. I'm trying to sort of work out the patterns, and I think I'm getting pretty close to cracking the formula. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like an algorithm or something.

Yeah, there's some kind of algorithm, yeah. That's a polite way of putting it, but yes. That's weird. Yes. Algorithm is polite. Yes. What would be impolite? Some fucked cunt picking shit out of the ether. Right. polite. Yes. What would be impolite? Some fucked cunt picking shit out of the ether.

Right. Okay. I didn't know that was algorithm's Greek for that, but okay. All right. We'll do one last one. In your words, a fifth one. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Well, we're currently recording this. Although the episode is in New York, we are recording this in the City of Angels, Los Angeles. Yes. New York. We are recording this in the City of Angels, Los Angeles. And weirdly enough, I think it feels like this is a Los Angeles contributor this week. I picked someone from the city that we are in at the moment. It's, yeah, right. Okay. I would say they are related to someone we've had before. I've got a vague memory of someone with a similar sounding name to this.

So I think maybe it's coming from Los Angeles, so I guess it's a distant relation. Okay, here we go. Number five this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Oprah Comedy. Oprah Comedy. Yeah. Okay.

Famous. So that's similar name to- Very famous name. Famous Hollywood star. Famous surname. Famous surname. Okay. Famous. So that's a similar name to- Very famous name. Famous Hollywood star. Famous surname. Famous surname. Oprah. Famous surname.

Oprah Comedy. Yeah. Do we have any- Usually the comedy family have been leaving sort of like their- How they're connected, you know, how they're related. It seems like- Are we getting anything- Some sort of auntie, I think, from-

Some auntie. Yeah, yeah. Not ethnic, but an overseas auntie. Did she leave any kind of message? Yes, she said. Yes? Well, weirdly enough, all the money that she sent us is under our chairs. Right, okay.

That's what I was hoping she'd say. I was about to interject and look over your shoulder at the screen because I thought you were going to fuck that one. Right, no. Right, yeah. You had a feeling that the way she contributed money was going to be on the screen. Yeah, I thought it was either going to be that or it was going to be her saying, you get some Patreon money and you get some Patreon money.

Wow, you have worked out the algorithm. I know. Man, I'm feeling like a genius. I've got to publish a journal on this because I've made some spellbinding finds. I'm keen to see this blackboard or this whiteboard in your room.

It's all printed out and they're all stuck on the wall and I've got the bits of yarn kind of like tracing between and they're all

like pinpointed. It's fascinating stuff. I'm keen to have a look. Well, thanks, Oprah. Thanks, Oprah Comedy. So, we've got to start this episode up, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub, if you want to contribute and be part of this fun.

Should we say it's nice for people to have a bit of context before this episode. So it was in New York. A lot of the things are explained within the episode, but thank you to all the fans that came out. There was a great a lovely crowd in fact a really big turnout however i don't believe you can hear much of them in the i don't think the audience are mic'd up that well but uh yeah hopefully you can still get a sense

of what's going on and this was like yeah this is a long one because we just got in we got into a groove and it was uh yeah everyone was in very form. It sounds like we're having a lot of fun because we are. And if you don't hear the audience, it's because, yeah, they didn't mic them up properly. But it is a very fun episode. We couldn't get the other guests to stop talking. To be fair, we were having a heap of fun as well. So hopefully that comes across to you guys. And three awesome, awesome guests.

And also a quick apology for this intro. I have a vague feeling that there may be some weird sound in the background underneath what we've been saying due to the change in voltage that we're running this mixer through. Oh, really? But I don't think it's too bad. Okay. If you've noticed it, hey, guess what?

So did I. And there's fucking jack shit we can do about it apart from rewiring the electricity in this fucking hotel room we're in. And we're recording this right before we go back to Australia. We're going down under. We're doing a tour of down under. Yeah. I hope you guys come out and support it.

Yeah. It's one of the few times we're going to come down. Yeah. So it's a long way as well. And plus, at the start of this episode, which we thought we'd do something a little bit different. We thought this would be fun. We'll sort of start it like we're at the, you know. Don't give it away, but we tried to do a fun comedy bit.

Yeah, and I guess if you can't hear the audience for the rest of the show anyway, it won't matter so much. But we sort of did a fun start to the show, given we were in New York, and it felt like it caused a lot of confusion. So hopefully – Anyway, let's not spoil it, but, yeah, you're about to hear – I mean, we get into it when we discuss all this, but, yeah. And, again, a huge thank you to everyone who turned out to this show.

It was wonderful to meet all you guys after the show, all you New York listeners. People were very appreciative of us coming down, which was cool. And it was – yeah, it was fun to walk out and we've gotten so used to, we sort of recognise a lot of the people that come to our Australian shows to walk out and not have seen any of these people before was really cool. Oh, a shout out to some of the guys that hung around afterwards and just were absolute super dum-dum super fans and talking in minute detail about episodes from four years ago and stuff like that.

Featuring people who've since quit comedy. Yeah, yeah, which was extremely entertaining to hear someone on the other side of the world go into minute detail about, you know, mates of ours and their conversations from four years ago. It really tickled me. It was very entertaining. And a quick thank you to someone who helped out with something that we don't thank in the episode.

Oliver Clark does a little thing that you'll soon find out about. Shout out to Oliver Clark and shout out to the staff at the Union Hall in New York who were super great. Great venue. If you're in New York, go and check it out. The beers are great. It's a cool venue. Okay, that's enough of that.

Enjoy this episode live from New York. Charlie Pickering, Scott Dooley and Rotten Ronnie Chang. From New York City, the second greatest city in the world, after Koh Samui, it's the Little Dum Dum Club. With guests, Scott Dooley charlie pickering and some others who hadn't been booked when this bit was being recorded featuring mr comedy and the got him orchestra and now here are your hosts two comedians who make jerry seinfeld look like jerry seineld. It's Tommy Dazzolo and Carl Chandler. All right, sit down, everyone. Sit down. Sit down.

Come on, boys. Calm down. Calm down. All right. Sit down, come on guys. Calm down, calm down. Alright. Hey mates, welcome to the little dum-dum club live from New York. My name is Tommy Dazzolo, standing next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads. So we're in New York, what's in the news?

So we're in New York. What's in the news? New York. The greatest city in the world, hey? New York, New York. The town's so nice they named it twice. Which is why they only named Adelaide once. A lot of stuff going on in the news back home at the moment. Friend of the show Nick Cody is currently in an ad for Carlton Beer.

Back home, Carlton Beer. Back home, Carlton Beer. The CEO of Carlton was quoted as saying it's good for us to have a spokesman who looks like more of a sex offender than the people who drink our product. Nick Cody, Nick Cody. He's not here at the moment. He's not a guest tonight. He is in Edinburgh. He flew to Edinburgh

first class. However, his material about vegetarians not having a lot of energy flew coach. Coach. That's an American reference. You guys... You guys have that.

Dilruk Jaisingha, friend of the show Dilruk Jaisingha, is currently on the screens in Australia on the ABC, on the show Utopia. Now, I don't want to say that Dilruk's acting is bad in Utopia, but ISIS have claimed credit for it, so... Utopia. Now I don't want to say that Dilruch's acting is bad in Utopia but Isis have claimed credit for it so... Dilruch was a big chance of coming over he was saying he was going to come over to be a guest here he was almost going to do it until he heard the fact that we

were going to the Big Apple which immediately turned him off. I don't know if you've kept up with the news back home, Carl, but they've declared a state of emergency back in Victoria, where we're from, yeah. A state of emergency. But enough about Nick Capper's gig at Spleen on Monday. New York City, wow. Quite a town you guys have. A lot of beggars on the street.

A lot of beggars on the street. Unbelievable. Just embarrassing. Way too much begging on the street. It was so bad that even Daslo complained as he was emailing his mum asking for more money. That's

kind of stepped on one of mine. Let's give it a go anyway. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is on at the moment. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival, ladies and gentlemen, a lot of our regular guests on the show over there performing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, if you don't know what of our regular guests on the show over there performing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, if you don't know what it is, it's a months-long arts festival that leaves all of its participants deadly unhealthy,

wanting to kill themselves, and in a deep financial hole, crippling debt that they need someone to bail them out of. The Edinburgh Fringe, they should rename it the Tommy Daslow Experience, ladies and gentlemen. You got away with it. It was fine. It was all right.

They're different jokes. It's not like we've ever been guilty of repeating jokes. You're 40. No, I've got nothing on you. Who else is going to be another person who's not a guest on this show that was going to be, that maybe was going to be, we thought was going to be, is Fiona Lachlan. Fiona Lachlan we thought was going to be on.

Like, she actually said to us she was going to be in Manhattan until we realised she fucked up. She was drinking Manhattans. Because she's an alcoholic. Folks, we've got a fantastic show for you tonight. Charlie Pickering is here, ladies and gentlemen. Scott Dooley is in the house. Give it up for him.

And from The Daily Show, Rod and Ronald Chang. Give it up. He's going to be on the show. We'll be right back with more show after these messages from crazy Serbian billionaire Milan Krencevic. And we're back. Cool. How'd that go?

Was that good? Was that us? I feel like Milan just absolutely shit himself since you made that up right then. Have they given Fallon the arse yet and gotten us in? That's kind of what we were going for with that bit. Is there a reason why the whole time we were doing that, we were getting the light flashed at us non-stop? All the house lights were flashing at us.

I think you answered your own question with that one. Was that just bad comedy alert? Or what was the thought behind the lights flashing at us? I didn't notice that at all. I think you were having a stroke. I think that's genuinely what might have been happening. That was definitely happening. Could you smell toast while that was going on?

I always smell toast. Fantastic. Hey, thanks for coming, New York. Who's... I just from... Look, I know this is very paranoid of me, but it felt like not all of you have laughed so far. Are there any random people here that just went downstairs

to go to the toilet and then walked in here accidentally? Or is there anyone that has not heard the show before? Wow. Oh, well, heaps. Most of you. Heaps of you. But the jokes about Dilruch still got a good response. They were just going, yeah, ISIS is funny. They've had it too good for too long. Take them down, boys.

We're just saying nouns and they're like, fuck, we better laugh. We paid 19 bucks. Whatever. Fantastic. So this venue, we are at the Union Hall in New York, and I just got told backstage that there was a huge fire here about two months ago that shut the venue down. Unprecedented. Two huge disasters in the space of two and a half months.

I mean, who? For the people who don't know us, we were referring to ourselves. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I just realised none of them have listened, so they don't yet know how shit this is. What a great night of comedy this is going to be. Us saying jokes and then explaining them immediately afterwards. Fuck.

Well, for you newcomers, so we announced this show a little while ago and then today, in the lead-up to the gig, I've got to say, of all the gigs we've done, like, you know, different places over the world and Australia and stuff, I have... We've never received so many complaints from the people who live in a city about what part of a city we're doing the gig in.

Yeah. It has been unbelievable. All day, people on Twitter going, oh, Brooklyn, that's so hard to get to from the East Village. Yeah, you know where it's harder to get here from? Fucking Australia. God almighty. Are you putting your hand up? What does that mean? Oh, you're from Adelaide? Have you ever been to an Adelaide show of ours?

No. Not yours. Once on the record that he does go out. Oh, I attend things. Don't you worry about me. I'm from Adelaide. I've been to the Adelaide show. I just don't know who you are.

So do you guys listen? By the way, this isn't called the New York show. Right. Do you guys listen? You do? Do you actually? You don't. No, you don't.

You don't look like... No, she meant she listens in general. Oh, yeah, okay. I've listened to things in Adelaide, yeah. She meant she's not blocking her ears at the moment. You guys don't look like our target demographic. That was a genuine response. That's really what you meant, wasn't it?

That was a genuine response. That's really what you meant, wasn't it? I've got to say, you both look more like the hosts of the show than any kind of listeners. What's that? Hang on. You've got to repeat what happens because the audience isn't mic'd up. Do you guys have the word catastrophe over here? You just dropped a sweet AFL reference there

Do you guys know catastrophe? Is that the C word you're not meant to say here? You stupid cunts, yeah I like how we're scared of dropping a Dilrick reference And she's chucking in an Eddie Betts reference Wow Wait, I don't know what any of that means a Dilrick reference and she's chucking in an Eddie Betts reference. Wow. Wait, I don't know what any of that means. It involves sport and physical activity

so of course you're fucking done. Eddie Betts is a player for the Adelaide Crows in the AFL. That's maybe the Adelaide show that she has seen at one stage. Oh yeah, when we came out and did a bit of comedy during the Auskick round in the middle

of the match. Yeah, awesome. Why did I reference Auskick in the middle of New York? So why are you here if you are from Adelaide and if you have not ever heard of us before? Oh, that's your parents, right. Right, right, right. Wow, I hope that was all picked up on tape, which I severely think it wasn't.

Well, let's repeat it for the files, just in case. So, young lady does not listen to the show again. Another person. Just, oh, sorry, be the translation. Just in case. So young lady does not listen to the show again. Another person. Just. Sorry, be the translation. I hate you guys on stage, but I'm from your country. So I thought I'd bring my parents and really fuck your podcast up. I believe that's what she said. Yeah.

So you're so worried about your parents having to experience anything American that you just like like, put them in front of some accents for an hour, then it's late and then there's some Australian shit on the TV that they can listen to. Why would we go to Times Square? We can go into a basement with 40 people and watch someone not famous in Australia but even less famous in New York. But thanks for coming.

Welcome to the show. You've got to come when we go to Adelaide. You've got to come to an Adelaide show. Absolutely not. She's from Adelaide. They don't come to Adelaide shows. Sorry? We don't have any spare tickets.

No, we don't have any spare tickets to Adelaide. They sell out like that. Who else? Who else just took a punt? Sorry, took a chance on coming to this show. You? No, he's a listener. He's yelling at us.

He's a listener. The question wasn't where are you from. That's what I at us. He's a listener. The question wasn't, where are you from? That's what I fucking thought. I like this guy. Glad we got him up the front. So who was that? Sorry, you, miss. You put your hand up.

You've just randomly walked in here? My friend is Australian. Your friend is Australian. Is that her? Yeah, that's her. Okay, because you're talking like she's not here. Are we a hostel now? Right, so hang on.

We've got to clear this up. Do you listen to the show? You don't listen to the show. No one so far has been enthusiastically enough to just give it a hard yes. No one has wanted to commit to that level of... Wow. Our guests have heard our show more than the fucking audience. That is weird.

All right, all right. Well, that's good. Now we know to, like, to be honest, the first couple of minutes, we're not getting a lot of laughs and now it just makes sense why. Yeah. All right, now we're all in the same page, hopefully. You guys have pages here yet? Well, if you guys, I mean, if you guys like Australians,

you came to the right show because guest-wise, we have really taken advantage of dipping into the New York talent pool. We are doing a show we could have done in Melbourne a week ago. All of Jim Gaffigan's children are going to be guests on the show tonight. We are really, really using that New York Rolodex. Fucking hell. Yeah, it is a great night for expats. Like, if you don't like anything different, you've come to the right place.

This is like Contiki Tour podcasting. Yeah. It's just stay with it. Oh, fuck, another thing you don't have here. Cool. I think even Adelaide mum and dad don't know what that is. Oh, you do? Right, right.

Okay. Have you been on Contiki Tour, Adelaide? No, we're on Sundowners. You're on the Sundowners. Finally, someone uses a reference that's less known than the ones we're making. So where is he going on this trip? Pardon me? No, yeah, where else are you going?

It's going to be a great story when you get home. I went to New York. What did you see? I still don't know. You can be anyone you want over there. It's great. So how long are you in town for? A couple of weeks.

There's something so sus about you. Like, beyond the bald head and the moustache, there's something going on. Hang on. You're treating every... Hang on. Yeah. How can you say a bald head and a moustache is sus?

Hey, man, we can say that. It's cool. It's like the N word. I get it. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's my understanding. Didn't you read that one page of The Lonely Planet that I gave you to study up on? Don't say anything that you usually say?

Yes. Right, okay, alright. I don't know, we don't have any race problems back home, so we don't know. We come from a perfect country where nothing's ever gone wrong, so we're just out of our depth here, we don't know. We come from a perfect country where nothing's ever gone wrong. We're just out of our depth here. We don't know. No one Google that. No one Google our country's history. No one even Google the first sentence of Australia's Wikipedia

entry. That's great. It kicks off with, before even saying it's a country, they kick off with that. Yeah. Should we get a guest up here? Yeah, that. Yeah. And we're back. Should we get a guest up here? Yeah, I think we've warmed the room up beautifully.

I think this water is adequately treaded right now. Yeah, okay. Sorry, the guests are arguing as to who gets out of it. Who should we go to? Well, you put your hand up if you want to be on first. You're both putting your hands down. Oh, no. All right.

Here it is. This guy. Please welcome to the stage Charlie Pickering. Yay! Very nice. Standing at the side of the room and still went through the curtain to come all the way around. A true showbiz professional. Old school showbiz. That's what that is. Yeah. Hello. It's lovely to be here. Thank you very

much for having me, guys. Yeah. It's really good. I've really enjoyed watching you make jokes and then conducting live market research on every single fucking joke that you perform. Well, it's better than doing what we did for the first two minutes, doing jokes to people going, fuck, can we still get a refuck? Do you know what I love? I love the fucking confidence of you guys

going, yeah, when they were not laughing at our jokes it couldn't possibly be the jokes. You are like, because we are perfect at making jokes. Oh, there's a brain injury convention in. I get it. I understand now.

It turns out Americans don't actually speak English. Yeah. Because if they did, they would be wetting themselves at my jokes right now. Back home, we kill on the gala. So why would it be any different here? Yeah, absolutely. Great to be here.

Cool. Actually, the Americans believe that we're on the gala. Yeah, yeah. Don't tell them, Charlie. I saw a look on your face. Don't tell them. Just let them believe it. That was me going along with it.

Yeah. Yeah. For everyone that doesn't know who we are, we are the two biggest comedians in Australia. So. All right. Even Boston knows that's bullshit. He's not even heard of us from there Yeah

Boston, by the way, Boston's objectively a loose unit Yeah I'll say that See, that's an Aussie as fuck term People still laughed at it Yeah, don't worry We know because this guy got here at about four o'clock And started drinking

Wow It's good Yeah He thought he had to get here early to get a seat Good one To his credit he is up the front So hang on, what did you tell the union hall? Like given that 50% of the people in this room to see the show

Don't fucking know who you are What did you tell the union hall to book this room? I think a lot of the workers are just on Smoko sitting in here I think Why would you say Smoko? workers are just on Smoko sitting in here, I think. Why would you say Smoko? Why would you say Smoko? Because Adelaide know what it means. Eddie bets in Smoko.

Why can you not see this as just a fucking opportunity to make up pretend Aussie slang? I would never do that. That would be like doing a boss on the wall. It's like a didgeridoo up a fucking drainpipe, mate. Fucking doesn't mean anything, but we'll all act like it does. Not bad. So can I just... By round of applause, who's American in the audience?

By round of applause. All right. By round of applause, who is not American in the audience? Yeah, all right. So this is for the Americans. Round of applause. Are you familiar with the phrase, flat out like a lizard drinking? Pretty good, right?

Yeah, fucking no applause at all. Yeah, we came up with that, so you're welcome. Yeah, you guys invented that. We're the lizards in that anecdote. We're the... Yeah, it was named after us. Do you know a phrase that I also, I'm quite sure, does not exist in the American lexicon is crack the shits.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because I was at a party recently, like a New York party. I'm pretty well connected. At Ira Glass's house? Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

Oh, you get that reference. Fuck, that's got levels. And I said, oh, yeah, blah, blah, blah, and then I just cracked the shits. Classic kicker. And it was like it was just silence in the fucking room and then trying to explain what crack the shits means. And then he just said, oh, you know, got angry. Yeah.

Yeah, when you break it down, it's like cracking a shit. It doesn't make any sense at all. Well, it doesn't matter. I mean, I guess you would be angry if you cracked open a shit because it's just a dumb idea. It's not akin to surprise, let's be honest. But also, like, it suggests... Like, if you say, you know, get really angry.

Right. But that suggests... Crack the shits, like, suggests that you got so angry to the point that you took a shit on something. Right. In protest. Yeah. You've never done that?

And I have... No, I've taken a protest shit. I mean, I'm Australian after all. That's what we do. Yeah, we've done all these marches that we've seen you guys on, but that had never happened back home. I feel like there's a lot of disruption in this room at the moment because I feel like really getting angry,

but then I can't because they're just passing fast food around, so I feel like it's totally on brand. They've decided that this show does not deserve any respect whatsoever. They've worked it out quicker than people back home generally do. Do you guys have got food? Do you guys listen to this show at all? I do. Oh, cool.

You've made a big trip from Philly and that's why you haven't listened to any of it because you're getting a fucking burger so far. So you drove up from Philly for this or did you plan multiple days? Yeah, for this. Are you serious? For these two dickheads? Fuck, they do listen. Yeah.

They do listen to the show. All right. City of brotherly love for these two dickheads. Well, I hope you end up like that other guy in that movie, Philadelphia. Wow. I mean, Philadelphia. Wow. I mean, a famous actor. Oh, winning an Oscar. Yeah, exactly.

For the performance of a lifetime. Exactly. And going on to play Forrest Gump. That's what I meant. God, I love travelling. Forrest Gump, in which he won an Oscar. Yeah. In the performance of a lifetime.

Couldn't have complimented him enough. He fucking cracked on. He really... He didn't crack the shits. No,. Couldn't have complimented him enough. He fucking cracked on. He really... He didn't crack the shits. No, he didn't crack the shits. But Tom Hanks picked up early. If you play a character with a bit wrong with you, you can win an Oscar.

Yeah, was he the founder of that? He kicked that off, didn't he? Nah, Daniel Day-Lewis, mate. Really? Daniel Day-Lewis, my left foot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. My left foot. Everyone went...

Oh, now the audience have arced up. Oh, Alex, I'll have $100 on people with disabilities. American reference. I love it. What is this shitty comedy show that I'm watching? They were asking that with no allusion to Jeopardy. So, yeah, speaking of America, there's a bit of a running thing we've talked about.

Speaking of Americans, like Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel Day-Lewis. He's gone so deep on his research that he became American accidentally. Do you know my great fear is that Daniel Day-Lewis will be cast as a serial killer because he will fucking murder people to prepare.

He will go and accept his Oscar in a skin suit. So wait, he's still in... Maybe he's already won an Oscar and he's worn someone's suit to last Oscars. Yeah, ironically, it was Anthony Hopkins. Yeah. He wore the skin of Anthony Hopkins To accept Anthony Alright should we get another guest on

Before we crack on Yes before we Sorry There was like a Russian doll Of serial killers in skin suits That I was starting to put together And I don't mind admitting It made me slightly aroused

Well Boston's loving that from the front row So yeah If you're slightly aroused Would you say you cracked a fat? Anyone like that one? The Aussies have lit up Adelaide's lit up Who knows, any Americans know what crack a fat means?

Boston does Boston What does it mean? He just winked at you Boston's just whipped his erect cock out So he knows Yeah he gets it He gets it he gets it

alright let's get our next guest out here folks please welcome to the stage Scott Dooley we're up for Dooley E hi Boston I was in Boston

on the weekend fuck you don't mind a drink do you I mean you personally the city fine but you sorry sorry Scott were you in Boston Or did you just watch Good Will Hunting again?

No, I fucked this guy I was in here Always open Blue Boys They tell you shit Is that the rule here? That's the rule Is that the rule? Yeah

Well you were telling us before You've been doing open mics around New York Yeah You guys did an open mic last night, right? Yeah Which open mic did you guys right? Yeah. Which open mic did you guys do? Just so everyone knows, open mics are like bad comedy

shows. That's you guys being surprised that we would be at that level. That's fair enough. We did the open mic at Uncle Danny's comedy fuck pit. Have you done that one here yet? How did you get on there? We know Uncle Danny. You've seen the fuck pit.

What you pick up pretty quickly is Uncle Danny hates comedy. I don't know why he put on the gig. He hates comedy. I don't know why he put his name part of it. The normally good name of Uncle Fuck Daddy. Come for the jokes, stay for the pit. Did you like, I dropped down the octave there. Stay for the pit Yep Did you like I dropped down the octave there Stay for the pit

That's what I That's my fuck pit boys It's five bucks To get on at the gig And then it's another five To hang out in the pit afterwards And then it's five To get out

But that Uncle Danny's Making a fucking kill Bring enough money What I'm saying is Have cash in your pocket. Clean bills. Clean bills, guys.

None of this, I'll get you back on Thursday. No, you're in the pit to stay and you have to work it off. But not only that, because it's an American Open, Mike, it's five bucks to get out of the pit. Then you've got to tip them as well. Yeah. It's really, it's six bucks to get out of the pit. No, just double the tax.

Right. Yeah. Hey, do we get tipped at the end of this? Fuck. No. Wow. tax. Right. Hey, do we get tipped at the end of this? Fuck. No. Wow. Okay. Boston's turn?

Yeah. No, we'll get a tip. Stop podcasting. Learn a craft. Read up about your destination before arriving. We did. That's the thing about that reference is we literally did do an open mic to no one. And this is a thing that doesn't happen back home.

We paid $5 for the pleasure of talking to a fucking wall. Yeah. Yeah, you pay. No one's there. Everyone's on their phones. And every single – this is the thing every single open mic has in common is they all look like the first scene of Kitchen Nightmares, like before they fix it up. And every time you're on stage, you imagine like Gordon Ramsay,

oh, for fuck's sake, they're doing comedy down here too. It's just the most depressing. And you're there going, I want to be in showbiz. It's so sad. It's so sad. And there's always two teachers,

always two teachers on every open mic that are like, I'm a teacher and my kids are calling me a fag. And they always say horrible things about their kids. They're always kind of racist. That's amazing because there literally was a guy who did that last night. Every single time. There's always – so I teach in the Bronx and they're a bunch of faggots. Whoa, you cannot say that on so many levels. Fuck, I love these edgy American comics.

This is so good. They'll just say anything. They don't care. The only people that laugh at that were the Australians. Yeah, it's full on. It's so dispiriting. It is. So in Australia, open mic notes are the fucking opposite.

In my experience, open mic notes are you have an experienced host who will go, hey, guys, we've got some guys coming up. Some of them haven't even done comedy before. They're going to need your love. And the audience is going, yeah, good for you. Get up and do some comedy. Follow your dreams, man. And here it is like a room of normally

16 people and all they're thinking about is the four jokes they fucking have. Because it's all comedians in the audience. It's all comedians. If this guy talks about cell phones, I'm fucked. Well, we're going to I watched this documentary once about certain sharks I think it's Great White Sharks And they have this amazing

He knows the term Virgin We call them sea biters We get it You've bummed David Attenborough Keep going So this documentary about sharks It talked about their selection process

And evolution To make sure that Each shark that gets born Is the most Dominant Yeah the most dominant And it's the most horrific thing You've ever seen

It's actually an Attenborough documentary And they filmed inside the womb Of a great white shark, right? Not fucking making this up. I'd crack the shits if that was me. Fuck, how'd they get that? Yeah. That's where we should do our next one of these. Four people from Attenborough.

GoPro on Attenborough's cock. Now, here we are inside a shark. Now, this is a... Yes, I've reached the cervix. This exact bit was done at the open mic last week, by the way. So anyway, so what happens in the... My high school teacher. So what happens in the...

This is fucking breathtaking, right? What happens in the womb of a great white shark and there'll be... I was going to say there'll be a marine biologist telling me it's not a, no marine biologists are listening to this. Boston, I think that's what Boston does for a living. No, he fucks sharks. Down at the aquarium.

He's on a banned list. You do have a hint of the Ace Venturas about you. Oh, he does too. Oh, so true. So anyway, in the womb of a great white shark, the female shark has a number of fertilised eggs in the womb. They hatch inside the womb and then they eat each other to survive. It's a fucking thunderdome.

One gets born, right? So of like a dozen eggs inside a shark, one will eat the others. So this is literally the prequel to Jaws. Yeah, that's right. If you were wondering why Jaws had such a bad fucking attitude, natural selection, right? And so then they're born and that's what open mic is like right it's just a bunch of baby sharks fucking

eating each other i'm glad you're trying to get out of the womb i'm glad you brought it around because i for the life of me could not remember what was the riff that led us into this yeah it's like i don't care what this analogy is, off the fucking rails. I was captivated and bamboozled at the same time. It was good in the end. Yeah. Yeah, it was, yeah. Something we can't say about our gigs last night.

So what kind of work did you do? Did you do a bit of, hey, Dickie Nee's weird, and people are like, what the fuck? Exactly what they did then, yeah. No, we... What happened? I don't know, mate. We gave it a good old Aussie crack.

We did better than the other people there, I'd like to think. So you ate the other baby sharks? Yeah, yeah. No, you did better than me. I feel like I ate all the other baby sharks and then you came along behind me and ate me. You were the final baby shark. That brings me back.

It's getting sexual. But it's the least encouraging process for comedy ever, open mics, in this city in particular. And they draw your name out of a hat. You've got no idea when you're going to go on. And it's always just the mate of the emcee. Do you know there's some gigs that you get three minutes for signing up, but if you pay an extra five bucks, you get an extra two minutes, right?

You get more time. We paid. So there is a point three minutes in where you go, fuck, I paid money to have to go through this longer. Hey, you paid their tax dollars to do that. Now, we sort of wanted to talk about what happened at the It gets better.

No. That is a man wearing a That is a girl. Oh, you fucked it. Really? We don't see gender, you monsters. Who the fuck are you?

This is Brooklyn. It happened very quickly. I think the shark just ate itself. Yeah. Guys, we've gotten rid of gender in Australia, so we're pretty progressive, I think you'll find. That is line two on the Wikipedia entry. This is a real low point for me as a person.

I can't find it in Tommy now. Yeah. He's been with us for years. Thanks, bro. But I was going to say... I just want to hear the people from Adelaide explain what they've seen now. I was just going to say,

someone wearing a I love green guide letters T-shirt knows that this gets better. That's all that I was going to say. You called out this gets better. Right. Look, I was going to say. You called out this gets better. Right. Look, I made a call based on silhouette as someone was walking away. Yep.

I feel like Goodwill hunting you and just going, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. Until you start crying. It's not your fault. The lights are bright. It was dark. It's not your fault.

The lights are bright. Son, it's not your fault. No, no, no. Look at me, son. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Oh, that's your fault. Charlie, that me, son. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. That's your fault. Charlie, that was on me.

That's not good. They're nice red pants. For those listening at home, Scott just poured a beer on them. You've got burgundy pants on. Yeah, I bought these today. Really? I wouldn't have thought you'd get them in a year that starts with a two, but here we are.

You look like a Dick Tracy villain from the waist down Fuck me That is a desperate attempt at an American reference right now I really was thinking You look like Abraham Lincoln at the end of an inning You look like Spiro Agnew crossed with That's a deep cut even for you A Reese's Buttercup or whatever the fuck they're called Reese's

Oh my god Reese's Peanut Buttercup Don't fuck with that That's some religious shit Some good shit Actually you know what Just before maybe we've got another guest to bring on. But look, I bought a T-shirt today and I was going to wear it on.

And backstage, everyone told me not to. And in my head... Literally everyone. It was shouted down. Literally everyone said not to do it. I think it's... Anyway, look, I'm going to put it on now just to see what we... Here we go.

Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. See what we... Here we go. Just out of nowhere. Yeah. Do you think anyone fucked the dude that was in the plucker duck suit because he was plucker duck? Definitely. Without a doubt. Without a doubt.

Absolutely that happened. Mate, I'm picked up from doing this podcast. So if that can happen, then surely Pluck a Duck is getting his act. Yeah, but they keep insisting you dress as a duck. Because I've got friends who would fuck someone on a joke, and that would be like, if the guy was like, you know, seriously, I'm Pluck a Duck. So seriously, like who?

Keep this under your cap. So who? Who are your friends? Once again, let's just remember it's all Americans here, so this Pluck a Duck stuff is killing. It was a genuine... Is that... Gong him red!

Is that... I... For people at home, I've walked onto the stage with a... Little Dumb Dumb Club T-shirt on. With a very positive thing about America. And I thought I'm endearing myself to you. I'm saying it's a compliment to your country and you seem to be against it.

I believe you are what the Americans would call a shit cunt. I'm wearing a T-shirt that says, Make America Great Again. It seems to have some double meaning, apparently. Have you got time for a quick anecdote? That's on topic. Yes. Scott Faduli, for a gig that we did last year, just pre-election.

I thought this was going to be about when lizards fucking get pregnant. No. Give him time. So, oh fuck, his door's really... He's got props as well. All right. So anyway, so I had this gig last year when I was here in New York and Scott did the show with me and we did some sketches

and one of them he was a... We did some funnies, Charlie, some funnies. He was a campaign surrogate for the Trump campaign and he went and bought a Make America Great Again cap to perform the sketch. And guess what? To purchase the cap, Scott had to fill out a form saying that it was a donation to the Trump campaign to buy the cap.

So thanks, Scott. Is that what got him over the edge? Now, if there's any justice in the world, I still receive emails from Donald Trump, and they are so mental. Can I read one of these emails? Because I got one the other day, and I was like, that's weird, the president's emailed me.

Is that weird? And, fuck, you get great reception down here, guys. How do you afford this place? No, it's not. There's a lot of yelling and a lot of kind of... He yells on an email. On an email. Like you can see him just That's not an email.

This is an email. Finally the crossover reference. Sorry, just instinct kicked in. Finally, a reference for everybody. Well, look, while we're doing this wonderful bit of just looking for emails on our phones, how about we introduce our third guest for this evening. Folks, you know him from The Daily Show.

Please welcome Ronnie Chang. Yay! Everybody. Hey! Hey, there's Americans here. Hey. How are you guys doing? How American is that?

How you guys doing? He's been here so long. He's been here so long. How much does Ronnie trust us Where he's like I should warm the crowd up There's cancer pain on for a few years How you going?

Funny thing happened to me on the way here Any birthdays in tonight? What a sad birthday How fucking sad You're in America You got the fucking Australian guys To be on your podcast Why didn't you get the American dudes on?

You know why? Because we asked you to get someone on And you fucking couldn't. Yeah. Dude. Do you know I stuck my fucking neck out for you to ask all these motherfuckers to come on this podcast and then when I told them,

they were like, how many people are going to be on? Oh, like eight to ten people. And they were like, yeah, we don't want to be on anymore. Did you ask Roy Wood Jr.? No, I didn't. Of the Daily Show?

You what? Yeah. These guys didn't clear the bar to get Roy Wood Jr. on this podcast didn't. Of the Daily Show. You what? Yeah. These guys didn't clear the bar to get Roy Wood Jr. on this podcast. Roy's hot right now. Yeah, no, we wanted to get the big dog.

We wanted to get Trevor Noah on. We saw him in a bar the other... That's bold. That's, yeah, that's... We were in a bar together the other night. Yeah. He was...

Yeah, I tried to get Barack Obama for you guys. Motherfucker was busy. We were in a bar together. We were there. He was two metres away and I said, I tried to get Barack Obama for you guys. Motherfucker was busy. We were in a bar together. We were there. He was two metres away and I said, can you ask him for a picture? And he said, no.

Dude, you with this hair right now and this T-shirt and you yelling, it's just not a good look. So just calm down. I know you want Trevor Noah to come to this basement to do this podcast. I know you wanted Trevor Noah to come to this basement to do this podcast. I know you think that he has to do what you say now. Just another Australian who's found himself overseas.

Carl's never coming back. I feel like I need to commit to the shirt. I need to keep it on. No? Hey, you ladies would have said that even if I wasn't wearing the shirt. It does fit, though. It does fit your look. I feel...

That's brutal. That is brutal. If I wore that, people would be like, oh, what's going on here? But you wear that, people are like, oh, yeah, of course. That's it, yeah. It's not obvious that it's comedy. Yeah, it's not comedy. He just doesn't know better.

I got a sneaky feeling that you voted for him though, Ronnie. I got this weird feeling you voted. I can't vote anywhere. I didn't vote for anybody. I'm not a citizen. Are you on a list? Yeah, I'm on a list called the citizen of Malaysia. You can't vote for anybody. I'm just a tourist. Who did you vote for of Malaysia You can't vote for anybody

I'm just I'm just a tourist Who did you vote for in Malaysia? Didn't vote for anyone in Malaysia That place is Fucking apathetic man Yeah it's chaos For you to have the temerity

To do political satire On TV And not even vote In your own elections It's called democracy motherfucker Get a taste That's like me spoofing hair You fucking idiot

It's not a It's not a right It's like me spoofing hair you fucking idiot it's not a it's not it's not a right it's a responsibility yeah i consider it irresponsible for me to avoid malaysia without living there i don't know what the fuck's going on so i just start you know flipping a coin like what the fuck that that's me being responsible for democracy you know i'm flipping a coin do you know interesting interesting fact that in a lot of jurisdictions in America, their constitutions stipulate that in the event of a voting tie, that literally a coin will be flipped to decide who is elected. Can we be the judge of what facts are and aren't interesting after we hear them?

I don't like this preamble. I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me to be interested. I gave you sharks in a womb, motherfucker. That was an interesting thing. Yeah, it was. My track record is sound. You missed some great shark gear, Johnny. Can I just say quickly for the listener at home, Carl's taken the Trump shirt off to reveal a shirt underneath

that says Asians out, which I reckon is as bad, if not worse. Aussie local reference. To be fair, it is black type on black, so a lot of you can't see that. But yeah. But I stand by that. So, open mics. This is your first time in America, right?

Have you done open mics here in New York? Because with all respect... I did with Jason Chatfield. That's his gig, yeah. I did an open mic with Jason Chatfield. The one we did? Yeah, I did. It was horrible.

It is horrible, yeah. Did you pay $5? Yeah Chatfield. The one we did? Yeah, I did. It was horrible. It is horrible, yeah. Did you pay $5? Yeah, I brought Trevor Noah. It was a bringer show. Oh, right. Did you pay $5? Oh, you did the two drink plus Trevor Noah minimum show. Yeah.

Where everyone has to buy two drinks and bring Trevor Noah. No, it's the two drinks. It's a good gig. When you get him there, it's a good gig. It's the two drinks plus South African comedian bring two drinks. It's a good gig. When you get him there, it's a good gig. It's the two drinks plus South African comedian bringer show. That's right, yeah. So I bought two Jager bombs and took Loisa Gawler with me. Sweet references.

Everyone appreciates. I love Loisa. He's the best. How do you tap into the psyche like that? Oh, by the way, are these bonobo pants? Bonobo pants? Yeah, are these bonobos? I think I have the same pants.

No, these are Banana Republic. They're a new cut. They're a new cut. They launched recently. Wait, you got them from Banana Republic? Yeah. You got them from Ronnie's dad's farm? Yeah.

That's a deep cut. My dad... That's a deep cut. It's a very deep cut. My dad retired and opened a farm. That's the reference. That's great, yeah. It's such a deep cut that people oohed as if it was some kind of slur.

People just assumed it was racist because they didn't know what it was. Your tone was like racist. It's true though. If you just said, dad's banana farm. Yeah. If you said your dad's a banana farmer, it sounds like a racist. So racist. If I was to say to anyone, go back to your banana farm,

you'd go, that guy is the worst. Can you say that while swearing that? Here's the thing about me and wanting to be on television again. Can we deconstruct why? Because bananas are just fucking delicious. Like, I eat a banana a day. Now you sound even more racist. We're like, how is this racist? Bananas are great.

What's better than banana? Don't provide... I eat a banana every day is the equivalent of my girlfriend's Asian. I can't be racist. I love them. Some of my best friends

eat bananas. So your dad retired and then... That's not retiring if you then get yourself another job, by the way. He retired to go and get himself

a harder job than he's ever worked in his life. Yeah, that's a back-breaking fucking job. How's it go? He's an industrious guy. He doesn't give a fuck, you know. Is he doing that in support of you?

Is that the same time you got into comedy? So he's like, well, they use banana skins in comedy. Well, I better grow them. No, no, no. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Good response, to be fair. It was so shitty. Aiming for the bleaches with that one. No, I mean, you think I'm like one tenth of my dad. Wow. Yeah, he's on another level of not giving a fuck. What did your mum do if you're only

one tenth of your dad? Well, then she was nine-tenths. She was nine-tenths of it, yeah. She was nine-tenths, which just to understand that the ovum is significantly bigger than the sperm. So chances are nine-tenths checks out. Ronnie definitely ate a few Ronnies on the way out of that. Let me check the map on that.

He's a fiercely competitive individual. Hang on, let me check the numbers on that, yeah. Hey, easy with the way out of that. Let me check the map. He's a fiercely competitive individual. Hang on, let me check the numbers on that. Hey, easy with the racial stereotypes, mate. So he decided he always wanted to grow things and then he can't not make money. So he was like, I'm going to fucking grow shit and make money from it. And then he just started a banana farm.

He can't not make money. He can't not make money. He has to make money. He has to make money. He has to make money. Always be making make money. He has to make money. Always be making money. I was once driving past a banana farm in Israel. It's not that 50 cent.

No, he's Glen Gary Glen Ross, that guy. He's that guy from there. Hang on. Who is he in Glen Gary Glen Ross? He's Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. Oh, really? He's the big brass balls.

Yeah. Really? Always be growing bananas. See those pants from Banana Republic? They're worth more than your car Wow, what a great riff we got off your pants just then Yeah, that wasn't all off the pants That was off me, yeah Great's a funny word

You've got a good eye You've just got a really good eye for a joke You're like, do you know what? These pants are a great chance to talk about my dad. That's yours. What's this? That one's yours. By the way, the podcast has been interrupted by eccentric Serbian

billionaire Milan Krenčevic buying us all drinks. That's right, New York. The legends are true. You know what? A lot of people here don't know us, but I bet they all fucking know him. You know what? A lot of people here don't know us,

but I bet they all fucking know him. Yeah, so New York open mics are brutal, and I respect anyone who comes out of that. So did you actually pay $5 to do that? No, I just asked... You motherfucker, Jason Chaffee, you charged us $5, and you don't charge Ronnie Chang. I didn't hear what he said.

What did he say? Hey, man, that word's not cool yet. I heard how it ended. Yeah, he said cunt. I don't know the rest of it. Yeah. Well, I think you've got everything in there. So I think it was directed to you.

Where you pay $5 to do your job? Yes. That's hilarious. That's what happened. No, no, no, but it's not... It's not even doing your job. Like, it's... It's like... That's like walking into McDonald's having never worked there, paying $5 and saying, No, no, no, but it's not even doing your job.

That's like walking into McDonald's having never worked there, paying five bucks and saying, can I flip a burger? Yeah. I'll probably burn myself, but just give me a crack. It's actually not. It's more like because it's the worst gig to do, but that's the only time we pay to do a gig is to do the worst gig of our life. So it's more like if you work at McDonald's and you're flipping burgers and you're getting paid to do that and then someone goes,

can you go put your head down the staff toilet? Yeah. Okay. Oh, that'll cost you $5, by the way. And can you put your head down the staff toilet? Will five bucks cover it? You're not even close to doing your job. You're not in the office.

You're just in the bottom of the building at reception and you sit there and the receptionist goes, you are a cunt. You should quit. You are a cunt you should quit you are a cunt and you just sit here and go god i'm learning god i'm learning a lot oh man that didn't go well so not good the gig was not good it was doing you know it was it felt like the first two minutes of this gig tonight that's what it felt like it was so yeah it was still kind of in my top five to be honest so your jokes were perfect and it was the audience's fault. Exactly.

But a guy got on and, I mean, this was wonderful. A guy got on and... Now, this is going to be interesting how we edit this because the guy got on and did this material which I reckon we probably can't say 95% of the words he said. Yeah, so you're going to have to... Really? You've been saying cunt for the last 45 minutes? Yeah, that was the good stuff. What the hell did this guy

say? That was the good stuff. Use your imaginations here. He got up and he talked about a time in his life when he had sex with a mentally handicapped person. And he used the

word, the R word, Ronnie Chang. And he used it very liberally. And it included an act out. It included a bit of impersonating her. A bit of handwork going on. I mean, it was fucking wonderful stuff. Anyway, he's opening for Ronnie next weekend at the Comedy Cell.

Can you pay $10 for that? Yeah, yeah. That's great. So you can pay, the more you pay, the more slurs you still have to use. That gig will cost you $10. And Mr Chandler, here's your bill for $100. We've never seen anything like this. The thing I like is that he actually, that was the second part of his bit.

The first part of the bit was him harassing a lady in the front row. Another comedian, should we put it that way? Yeah, about her womb. And we were like, oh, wow, this is horrible. In hindsight, a sweet bit of material compared to what was to come. He closed strong. But what, like, I'm surprised there's even one person in the audience to interact with at these gigs.

Yeah. No, but that's the thing. It's just another comic. So she cops it from him. He's going,'s going you're beautiful like your womb is so valuable anyone will be lucky to shoot their shoot their load into you and fill that with sharks that'll eat each other yeah yeah and she's sitting there going ah this is good and then he finishes up it's like anyway please welcome your next act the woman who just fucking copped it from that dude before real good stuff yeah i think you know open mics are particularly brutal.

If you come out of there, nothing but respect for you because I actually think doing too many New York open mics actually does you damage. Yeah, so the first time I did stand-up in New York, I'm sorry, the second time, the first time was great. Great story. Just someone establishing his credentials. I didn't want to lie.

And so the second time I did it, I booked all these gigs and I had like a week before the gig started. And so I was like, hey, there's all these open mics I can get up. And I just went in there. And what I did was I did like eight in a week. And I think I called you. And I said, I don't think I'm funny anymore. Charlie called me like the victim of a crime.

And it was like, it's going to be fine, right? It's going to be okay. And I had to kind of talk him down and I lied. I mean, he was like, you're very funny. So imagine people who genuinely come out of that. You know, you got to be... But who... Like, I mean...

Some people do. The people who do are good. But yeah, most people get good and then come here. Yeah. No, that's right. Like us. From what I've noticed... Sure.

From what I've noticed, a much better way to do it is you start in like Austin or Boston. Yeah. Austin or Boston. Yeah. No, no, no. Boston's a great comedy scene louis ck came out of boston right everybody came up everybody heaps of good people and austin and boston you do austin if any any young kids out there wanting to get into comedy you start out in austin and boston people be friendly supportive you'll get good come to

new york and not have to ring fucking crime stoppers like I did yeah yeah I was like beyond blue that night yeah it was it was if you or someone you know is having trouble call 13 10 10

it was real wait sorry guys just quickly just for the locals what's the what's the suicide hotline here just to update the reference lifeline

is it called lifeline here no that's Australia is that what what is it do you even have a phone line that you ring when you're going to kill yourself? Yeah, it's a suicide. Yeah, you ring up and it just drops a pin for the Brooklyn Bridge and says, you didn't make it in New York, kid.

You call up and there's some guy going, yeah, why don't you just jump, you cocksucker? Hey, what are you doing over here? Get over there, you fucking piece of shit. Hey, I'm jumping here. Get a piece of pie over here. Hey, I'm necking myself over here. My uncle was a jumper.

My cousin was a jumper. Plenty of good jumpers come out of Jersey. Hey, you saying I'm not good enough to fucking jump off this bridge? I saw you. Is that racist? It felt racist. You want to get a slice? I don't mean pizza.

I mean slice your neck. If you can neck yourself there, you can neck yourself anywhere. Oh, neck yourself means kill yourself back home. Again, thanks for coming if you've never heard the show. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I was just singing a couple of lines from our national anthem. Sorry, guys. For all the Americans here that have never listened to the show,

suicide in Australia is funny. It is. It's very funny. Hey, you know, we actually... We don't have any Tonight shows. We just have footage of people hanging themselves. And there's five big ones like there are here. We've got our own Conan and Fallon and Colbert.

Man, last week I saw someone swallow 50 sleeping pills. It killed. That's a pun. Was that a pun? Oh, fuck. He did a pun. Fuck. I did not mean that.

Now I'm going to kill myself. Pun in New York. It's interesting the things you're willing to say when you know you're never going to get on TV. You just go for it. When you have no more bridges left to burn or jump off of, you just go for it yeah when you have no more bridges left to burn or jump off of you just go for it

yeah yeah I think it was when our mate couldn't even get us a photo with his boss at the show that he worked on I got you a fucking photo

I think we might be fucked I think we might be fucked you two cramp my style so much at the Comedy Cellar do you know I gotta deal with this premature balding

and then this guy who's like a redneck from Australia and I'm hanging around me which one's which fucking Todd Berry comes over I got to deal with this premature balding and then this guy who's like a redneck from Australia and I'm hanging around me. Wait, which one's which? Fucking Todd Berry comes over. I have to introduce him like this asshole. Oh, yeah, these are my friends from Australia.

Can I just put out there words? Do you want to do that podcast? Use of air quotes there around friends. Do you want to do that podcast in Brooklyn with like eight other people? What a burden it must be to introduce two people who you were going to get to do speeches at your wedding this weekend.

I know. I was going to, but then you guys... Sorry. Bit awkward. You're getting married this weekend? Yes. That's funny

because Charlie and I, we're free. I'm still... And it's actually happening in this room. In Ronnie's defense, he only just found out I was in town,

so I imagine it's the invites are just way over. But you guys could have micked anyway, so it's fine. This is actually Ronnie's Bucks party right now. Tommy's going to strip. That's funny. I mean, I'm always free when there's a basketball game to be played. Yeah, when they need a guy.

When I'm short of money. Apparently, when there's a wedding, all tools he's not fucking good enough it's not a it's not a pick up wedding though it's not like

yeah yeah apparently bride and groom shirts and skins we know Ian Luzo our he's gotta leave

the venue who's got next hey that's my wife yeah so oh so and these are these are so oh so and these are

these are all these are all these are all great examples why Scott's not invited to the wedding but yeah is this

can you tell the thing you were telling us the other night because you are having your because you're going on like a wedding tour you're having like

eight of these fucking things in all the countries you pretend to be from one on the banana farm yeah one on the banana farm. This is my, I'm going to get married for the second time to the same woman next week.

So you'd split up in between. And then the week after that, I'm getting married to her for the third time in Malaysia. Yeah, we just keep getting married. Always be getting married. It's what my dad told me. Are you like the grateful dead of getting married and you've just got the

fans following you around? Oh, I love this bit. I'm in a bay. You've got to love the wed heads that follow them around. Yeah, I'm going to keep going until I get a berry for this wedding, man. Is Trevor Noah

going to the wedding? No. After which one do you finally consummate the relationship? The final one? Like, what do you mean? When it goes in, yeah. When it goes in? Yeah. Dude, when it fully goes in.

Is that what you call it? What do you call it? When it goes in, I'm like, fuck you, Milan. This drink is spiked. This is a normal alcohol. Prove it. Prove it. Pro on it. Fuck you, Milan. This drink is spiked. This is a normal alcohol. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it.

Prove it. Best date rape ever. Wait, what do you mean? Consummate which hole? Do you guys have that here? Oh, my God. Your butthole. That will be...

I'm saving that for after we... The podcast. Right. I'd avoid the banana farm on that. I'm saving that for after we get the whole thing. I'd avoid the banana farm on that. That's wedding euphemism. It's like, well, looks like it's time to take you to the banana farm. Time to give you a tour of the banana farm. You know what the only worst thing to say about that is?

My dad's banana farm. My dad's banana farm. My dad's retirement. Look at how that guy walks. He must have spent a night at Ronnie's dad's banana farm. Actually, you know, my dad's bananas are actually fucking huge because they're not normal bananas. Everyone thinks their dad's banana farms are huge. We've all been in the shower with our dad's banana farm

No, no My dad's banana farm is actually huge Because it's plantains It's not bananas It's plantains They're a big fruit What's the difference? Big bananas

A plantain is a big fruit There's one big banana, mate It's Coffs Harbour So let's leave that alone Big enough to fit into a pair of pyjamas? Big enough to destroy your asshole. Get the fuck out of America. Get the fuck out of America.

That was way worse than the bit I did. Folks, that was my resignation letter. Thank you and goodnight. It's been a wonderful ride. Has everyone got that? Get that slow, ladies and gentlemen. That's when you ring a suicide hotline to say, can I please do it?

Can someone book me an Uber to the Brooklyn Bridge? I'm just going to say it. People are now just discussing the appalling No, no, no. People have the back of single bananas in pyjamas. It may have been a shit joke, but it brought people together. This is them going, we haven't understood any reference, but fuck it, let's have a sing-along. It's Big Ted and his

mates. Fucking Jemima's on the gear. Get off it, love. Oh, fuck, they're coming down the stairs. It's Big Ted and his mates. Fucking Jemima's on the gear. Get off it, love. Oh, fuck. They're coming down the stairs. It's good now. I've done that on TV. Do you know? I've done that joke on television. Do you know?

I think, yeah, everyone remembers here. Yeah, so. Do you know? I fucking tried. I tried to get you a venue for this. I was like your manager I was like trying to hook this up I put my neck out

to get stand up good manager you look for guests and venues and you got none of them no I got all of them I got all of them

and then you messaged me going hey man we're at Union Hall okay bye I think you're putting that fucking emphasis on that text message

no you didn't even have the courtesy to tell me that you booked a place I was fucking going everywhere you didn't have the courtesy to tell me that you booked the place. I was fucking going everywhere. You didn't have the courtesy to find a venue or guests. No, I got it all lined up. Where are the guests?

Stand-up New York. Where are the guests? Oh, I stand-up New York right now. Where are the guests? Yeah, stand-up New York. Also, you want me to ask... On the Upper West Side. It's a good neighbourhood.

Judah, I know 30 Rock was awesome, but can you come and be with these assholes on stage with eight other people on stage? This seems well-weighted. I can't help but feel that this could have been done on email. Rock was awesome, but can you come and be with these assholes on stage with eight other people on stage? This seems well-weighted. I can't help but feel that this could have been done on email. I also appreciate that you're now naming guests that didn't make it, that all the audience are going, oh, fuck, that would have been nice.

Yeah, do you know who I booked? Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey. But you guys are fucking assholes. Jim Carrey? Jim Carrey's having a bit of a response at the moment. He was great at JFL. He was at Montreal last week. Lucky he's having a revival because we wouldn't have booked him otherwise.

Bit too high energy for this. We did see him on the weekend in Montreal, actually. We literally did. We saw him perform live and he was very funny. I wish you had have all been there. Next time, guys. This guy's doing a sweet tribute. You are.

You are dressed like Ace Ventura. So it's... Should we... Are you from Boston? Let's tell this quickly. We would... When we did... We did an episode of ToeFop with Will Anderson over the weekend. Righto, mate.

Good stuff. We've all got stuff on, mate. We've all got friends. We've all got things going on. Well, we usually don't, alright? But as we're leaving, we were just talking about Jim Carrey being at that festival and we had both forgotten this, but he reminded us that the end of Ace Ventura is that Ace Ventura

discovers that the lady cop is actually a dude and then her dick falls out and then all these guys start spewing because they fucked her. That has not stood the test of time. To be fair, it was a parody on... It was a crying

game. Which, by the way, therefore the crying game doesn't stand the fucking test of time either. I'm sorry, you've met Charlie Pickering, the great Ace Ventura pet detective apologist. He will fucking go to war on this shit.

Alrighty then. Alrighty then. And his catchphrase, um, actually that was like Ace doing a yeah, okay, alright. Now that was worse than bananas in pyjamas. Like, no one's singing theme songs after that. Even literally Ace Ventura is bored by that.

I was hearing guys just hair flop the rally. It felt nice. I was like, what's that sensation? That never happens. I never allow myself to get into that position. Why are you guys so good on the podcast? What do you mean? You you guys so good on the podcast? What do you mean? You guys are so good on the podcast and it doesn't translate to...

Why is that? To what? Real life? It doesn't translate to real life. The Americans who didn't know us 30 minutes ago applauded that. I know. That just means they're loving the podcast, man. who didn't know us 30 minutes ago applauded that. I know. That just means they're loving the podcast, man.

It's always when I do Dum Dum with Ronnie that I remember, Ronnie's a bully. Yeah, you are. Yeah, that's right. Ronnie trained comedy school of punching down. I only punch up. Oh, really? Really? Daily Show correspondent picking on two guys from the Dum Dum Club.

Still punching up. Yeah, way to shake the hierarchy, motherfucker. We've had it too good for too long. Oh, fuck. You are the Karl Marx of this podcast. Yo, just punching up, guys. I know you guys don't like it. You don't like when the minority starts to talk back.

I'm just saying. Hey, listen. Just punching up mate go back to your banana phone you doing this I swear I've seen that as a meme before

you look like a little baby with his shirt by the way you're all invited to my dad's banana phone oh hell yeah anytime you want go to banana phone

well you were telling us this the other night you like so yeah we were meant to be at your wedding by the way you are marrying an 85 year old German woman is that correct yeah sure Well, you were telling us this the other night. So, yeah, we were meant to be at your wedding. By the way, you are marrying an 85-year-old German woman. Is that correct?

Yeah, sure. Cool. What's her name? Gertrude. Gertrude. Gertrude. Gertrude. Gertrude.

Gertrude. Gertrude. That is some sweet improv. Are you on the new reboot of Whose Line Is It Anyway no I'm on I'm on Milan's whatever by the way did you like

Whose Line Is It Anyway did I like it yeah the original version it was great no you're meant to say yes and no I'd never seen it

so if you didn't like it so that means no so that means you're two weeks away from writing for it everything he hates he ends from writing for it. Everything he hates, he ends up writing for.

It's fucking hilarious. Sorry, hang on. Wait, it's an improv show. Yeah, I haven't written for it. Oh, right. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Remember I thought we were showing some wizard behind the curtain shit.

No, no, no. Yeah, it turns out it was all scripted. But of course there is writing. It's not like they start the show and go, go for it everyone Carl shits on so much stuff And then the moment they offer him a writing job He's always like oh yeah yes sir Please sir more girls sir Please

You shit on so much stuff I've seen you turn 180 on all this shit The moment they offer you a job Like Oh dear I don't want to ruin this Like any individuals in particular 180 on all this shit The moment they offer you a job Like? Oh dear, I don't want to ruin this Like any individuals in particular? No, to be fair I think you and I have been on those shows

To be fair, he doesn't show individuals, he shits on entire concepts And then two weeks later he's writing for it Fuck, I should have Fuck airline food, fuck elevators I was on this plane. I was getting an elevator onto a plane. I tell you what, I should have shit on Ronnie Chang International Student. Maybe I would have got a fucking gig.

No, you still wouldn't have. What, are you upset about that? Once again, we're in that realm that this could have been done offline. Yeah, but you know, when you get to that level, it's about meritocracy. When you get to that level, you're talking about yourself, homie. Yeah, I know. When you get to that level, it's about meritocracy. When you get to that level? You're talking about yourself, homie. Yeah, I know. When you get to that... You have this self-awareness of Michael Jackson.

Oh, my God. I forgot. There are rappers in the audience going, all right, let's cut the brakes on the bragging. It's a bit much. Looking at a huge diamond watch. I forgot. I'm sorry. I forgot myself. diamond watch I forgot I'm sorry

I forgot myself Australians hate that I'm sorry I forgot the thing about you you're so anal just people and apparently

Malaysians dig it is that true Malaysians fucking love it check out my plantains bitch Malaysians love stunting they love that shit you're usually

so anal about everything well not until the third wedding but yeah yeah They love that shit Yeah You're usually So anal about everything You know Well not until the third wedding But yeah Yeah And the banana farm But yeah But because you want

The best of everything Why wouldn't you get The fucking best TV writer In Australia That's a great question I've got a job Why wouldn't you do that It's a great question

Thank you Can you relate at all To the Asian experience I've met you I'll put that another way Have you experienced Any Asian experience Fuck I've met you. I'll put that another way. Have you experienced any Asian experience? Fuck, I wish you were in that Make America Great. Hang on, I know it all.

You guys eat like... You fucking eat burgers and pizza all day, every day, and you want me to get you on this Asian show? Now who's being racist? You've got a role in your show Sometimes we slow cook lamb. You've got a role in your show that's a fat, balding, mature-aged student and you don't get this guy? You are a

shit friend, buddy. You're a shit friend. I know stuff about the Asian experience. You eat octopus sperm for dessert. What else is there? You know what? You convinced me. That's a great observation. Thank you so much. Season two.

Season two. The reboot of Ronnie Chang, International Student. Yeah. We recast the lead role. I should have said that level. You're right, Scott. Thank you for checking.

I should have said that level. I meant when you get opportunity. Honestly, it's my favourite thing in the world, hearing you talk, Ronnie. I mean that with sincerity. No, I found that, like, don't you think Australians, like, they, like, we, we.

Oh, he's doing gear. They. We. They. I don't know. You guys are the ones. You forget where you came from. Australians. Australians like they like we we oh he's doing gear they we they I don't know you guys are the ones you forget where you came from Australians drive like this

whereas over here we drive like this I feel like Australians like we can't like if you you have to make it without trying oh yeah

the moment you try fuck you fuck you the worst thing you can do in Australia is say yeah I'm ambitious and I want to do this thing and everyone goes fuck you mate w The worst thing you can do In Australia is say Yeah I'm ambitious And I want to do this thing And everyone goes

Fuck you mate Wanker Fuck you mate You are a wanker You need to sit still Until you petrify Like a rock And sit there doing

Fucking nothing Everybody For 8 million years No no you're right Like Shane Warne Shane Warne is not an athlete Do you guys have Warnie over here?

He didn't work out All he did was He threw a ball really well. He didn't work out. He didn't try. But everyone loved him. Like the guy who... Because he smoked while he did it. And everyone went fucking tip top.

The guy who ran around the... Steve Bradbury. Steve Bradbury. He wasn't running, but fine. And he won because everyone tripped in front of him. I met him at the airport, by the way. He's now doing comedy. So there you go.

He's doing stand-up comedy. Airport isn't a gig, by the way. So that now doing comedy. So there you go. He's doing stand-up comedy. Airport isn't a gig, by the way. So that's not comedy. And he told me he does comedy. I saw him struggling in Open Mic Night. He said he does comedy. Fuck, sorry. Just one second.

I just want to put a comment out for everyone at home. I hope you're appreciating five white guys talking all at once. All the time. Who are you calling a white guy? Yeah, I know. I forgot because of the banana reference. I'm like, yeah. talking all at once. All the time. Who are you calling a white guy? Yeah, I know. I forgot because of the banana reference. I'm like, yeah.

That just shows that Carl doesn't see colour. Yes. But I know you're bothered by this, so what this really needs is two more people, right? You fucking idiot. Yeah. Do you know what's really strange about this is I don't know why you've been standing up for like 15 minutes. It's like you're desperate for authority in this situation.

No, I can't. He's a bit tender after the plantation visit. Because you're like a germaphobe. You're probably scared of sitting on that seat. No, I'm okay with this. Are you? Look at them. This is actually a cool venue. I'm surprised you booked this. Oh, fuck off!

Yeah. No, this is a good venue. This is a cool venue. I'm surprised you guys got it. Weird. Really weird. Your wife's a beautiful woman. What's she doing with you? Which is also true, which is a good question. But this is like a piazza in the community.

This place is an institution. It's like a piazza in the community. It's like a hot piazza pie. Said tonight. That is absolutely impressive. I got that from... It's pronounced pizza. I got that from You've Got Mail Oh really

I learned that word From You've Got Mail Yeah yeah Watch You've Got Mail He says Piazza And Dave Chappelle And Tom Hanks What a great review

Did you say Dave Chappelle And Tom Hanks Yeah Dave Chappelle I'm pretty sure It's Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks For me That movie is You know that movie

Where Tom Hanks Fucks Dave Chappelle No See Dave Chappelle Is running this little bookshop. It's like an independent bookshop. And Tom Hanks opens a big bookshop. He runs Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Crosswood Borders. Remember that shit, Aussies? Recognised.

And they meet each other and it's like putting a cat and a dog in a bag. And you're like, they'll never get along. And then fucking out of nowhere, Tom Hanks fucks Dave Chappelle. No, but you know what I like better? Is when Harry met Sally, when Dave Chappelle jerks off and then the lady goes, I'll have what he's having. Yeah. See, why don't you bring that on stage?

That quickness. This is a stage. But this is like... I am elevated right now. Is that why you do your shows with other people? Because you need to have other people there to be at your max? That's how you reach your full potential? Yes.

He stands on the shoulders of giants. That's great though. I'm like one of those great racehorses. You know the champion racehorses that come to the Melbourne Cup and they bring a little Shetland pony with it to keep it company? That's me. So you're the one who breaks his legs? What Karl is saying is he wants fucked a Shetland pony with it to keep it company. That's me. So you're the one who breaks his leg. What Pope Carl is saying

is he wants fucked a Shetland pony. I was trying to open a bookstore. I get lonely. Dave Shetland pony. So you blow your knee and you get shot in the face

is what... Not all going to work. So this is a cool venue. You're like a racehorse in that you're just going hell for leather and there's a little bloke just riding there alongside you.

That's me. I'm out, guys. I'm tapped out. Nice work, Sleep Biscuit. Why did you tap out? How did you get this venue? This is a real cool venue, man. Fucking hell, just leave it.

No, I'm curious. This isn't reserved for presidential inaugurations. Clearly, yeah. Like, you can get a venue, you can get a 60-se get a 60 seater In a basement Quite easily Even us You don't understand

Union Hall is a legit place My first gig And Two Dope Queens Which is a far more Successful podcast Than this Yeah I did that

It would be like Doing spleen comedy But if it was successful More references That no one knows please Catfish comedy On a Tuesday night Come down guys

Has this just become a drunk cast? No It has for Ronnie I think Yeah Because he had half a beer and he's gone It's the second time I've seen Ronnie drink in my life Really? It's really exciting

What's the first time? Big trip to the banana farm? High five? High five? No Yeah high five We had a few drinks at the high five I was going to be a real dick Big trip to the banana farm? High five? High five? No. Yeah, high five. We had a few drinks at the high five. I was going to be a real dick at, I think, Funny or Die Party last year.

Oh, mate. Clangety, clang, clang. When Will Ferrell was serving his drinks. You can't. No. The moment you say it's an inoculus thing to me at a Funny or Die Party, but these guys hate it so much. Did you say inoculus? Yeah, inoculus thing to me at a Funny or Die party, but these guys hate it so much. Did you say inoculus?

Inoculus Rift? Yeah, that's like... I think you were being racist against Asians, Justine. You people are so stupid. That was some banana farm shit. He's done his catchphrase. That shit might play on the banana farms, but not here at Union Hall,

which is a great venue that they miraculously secured for this podcast. Oh, look at this. Stop. Milan, stop giving drinks. Finally. Milan, stop. Do you know how many comics in Melbourne know Milan because of this shit? Stop. Dude.

Can you... Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I hate it when people do this. Can I just say it when they've got a microphone in their hand? Someone just said really loudly, I think they're Australian. Are you fucking kidding me? It's like, hang on a minute. A fourth round of drinks has arrived on stage while they're working.

I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. They're Australian. They must be Australian. Milan, if you can just bring a thimble to the stage for Ronnie, that'd be great. We've gone well over an hour.

How long are we allowed to go in here from the... No, we've got to stop. What? Buffalo. Okay. You said, how long can we go? And he said, he heard, can you name an animal? No, man, we've still got plenty to get.

We can just keep going. I just want to know if we have to be... No, we can't. No, no. We're having fun. No, it's Thursday. Let people go back. It's Thursday night.

It's Wednesday, you fucking idiot. It's Wednesday. Let people go back. It's Thursday, Malaysia. So did you record tonight? Were you on tonight's episode? I was on yesterday. On The Daily Show.

I was just going to say your hair is crisp. Oh, thank you so much. And it looks like a team of professionals put it together. And that is praise from Caesar. Yeah. Hey, can I just bring something up just out of bro and nothing? Fucking hell. And this might not make the podcast, but I got some very good news.

And I feel like a bit of an arsehole for liking it. I found out that my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend is a DJ at Sunglasses Hut. And I felt so good. Like, do you know how... Why would we delete that? Do you know how much better than that guy every person in the world is? Like, it is such a great feeling to be like, oh. Even I think me and Tommy feel pretty good about that. Yeah, no.

Do you know what's really great about that is even people who set out to go to Sunglasses Hut fucking hate that guy. Exactly. So are you saying this might get deleted because there's a part of you that thinks maybe, just maybe, we're being sponsored by Sunglasses Hut. Fuck you, man. Or maybe we applied for that job and got knocked back. It's really funny.

Sunglasses Hut sponsors Dum Dum Club. Yeah, they get all the sunglasses they can wear, which is a pair. Yeah, no, I heard that news and I was like, oh man, I feel so... So I'm not clear about this. There is an in-house DJ in a sunglasses shop. Allegedly, because you know you're not clear on that. Because you know when you're

making a decision, you're like, oh, can you turn the music up? That's always the thing. Fuck, I'm not sure whether or not to go with the Persol or the Ray-Bans. some can i get some carl cox in here motherfuckers too dated it's an arman van helden he was even older but go on i was gonna say tiesto but no that's the thing about motherfuckers diplo no no you gotta go uh taylor swift uh kelvin harris you gotta go kevin harris fuck i don't have to go kelvin you have to go Taylor Swift's Calvin Harris. You've got to go Calvin Harris. Fuck, I don't have to go Calvin Harris. You have to go Calvin Harris.

No, everyone else is going Calvin Harris. I'm going the other way. Ronnie, can you sing some Taylor Swift for us right now? Sing some Taylor Swift for us. Taylor Swift? Yeah. It's turned into Dumb Dumb Karaoke. Just do Shake It Off.

I've heard you do this before and it's great. No, no, no. There's a better one. You got that one You got that You got that You got that red lip You never go out of style You never go out of style

We got that long hair Red lip Something to do with your face White t-shirt Yeah Man, how far away are you From carpool karaoke Oh yes

With James Corden Very far away Very far away We'll get the fuck out of here I'm very low What about Hey is there Like do you have to pick an orbit

That you get into Because there's like three Orbit Three or four orbits There's like Colbert orbit There's Fallon orbit

There's Who's that? Fuck you. Sorry. A woman just opened the door to the side of the stage and she did this. She just went... Fuck no.

This appears to be the Guessing the Names of Late Night Hosts podcast. So you've got Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon. Yo, Orbit, I'm just trying to fucking get into the space program. Like, there's no... So right now you're in that fucking centrifuge going please let me in.

Me and Tommy just think we've done well by watching one of those shows, let alone being on. I figured I had changed my IP. Yeah, exactly. So I was hanging out with Ronnie at the Funny or Die party last year. Hang on, I heard about this.

What a buzz about this party. He wanted off to talk to Jimmy Kimmel, so he's in an orbit. He's definitely in an orbit. And you were like, I don't have cocaine. He was like, get the fuck out of here now. Do a leap year. Oh, that is a deep cut. He was like, get the fuck out of here now. Dually beers. Dually beers. Oh, that is a deep cut.

That is a deep cut, son. It's a hugely deep cut. We did a live podcast and I had a crack the night before. And yeah, we had some, yeah. Anyway, so we were calling dually beers, dually beers. And actually Can we talk about Our little thing

Fuck sure Hey so before you talk about that Can we all go Eat something after this Yeah alright Okay cool Actually there's a spot Yeah there's a pizza spot

Do you have a car here Ronnie A car Yeah Can anyone give me a lift To the airport in the morning While we're just doing While we're just taking care of business Boston just put his hand up

Do not accept this offer How much How much luggage do you have? I got one suitcase of check on. Then shut up and take the train. Yeah, train's good. Where are you heading to, JFK? Yeah, shut the fuck up and take the train.

Shut your mouth. Have you ever caught the train to JFK? I have. Have you done it? Yeah, it's good. Really? When you say it's good, it's like... It's bad.

I don't believe it. When I say it's good, I mean it's bad, but it's still better than the fucking traffic on the thing. Hey, I feel like there's a fine line between podcast and hostage situation. Yeah. No, no, sorry, you guys were saying something. Go for it. Oh, okay.

So, little New York experience for Scott Fidulli and Charlesman's Pickering. So, I get a text from an unnamed friend. TV's Charlie Pickering. TV's Charlie Pickering. TV's Charlie Pickering. And he goes, oh, do you know a guy? And I was like, yeah, I know lots of guys. He goes, no, no, no. And so I go, he goes, can you send me his number?

So I sent this number. And the way that these things go, and what kind of a guy is he? Like how would you describe him? All I would say is I have trouble telling which states have made same sex marriage legal and which states have made marijuana legal. There you go. And so we were after

a person who would I wasn't, I didn't I didn't, well let's just say I'm already married. So I forwarded this number and it's this whole system where you've got to fucking vouch for this person. You've got to get verified.

And verified. It's like Twitter, right? It's like buying illicit drugs. It's just too hard. Put it in the too hard basket except for the fact that you want to get high and then you go, it's not too hard. I'll do whatever it takes. So I send this text that says hey gordon this is my friend gordon yeah that's your name come on fucking gordon gordon fucking do you know how unreal it is for a human

to be called gordon that was alf's name oh yeah alf was called gordon shumway how many people here are called gordon no exactly Are called Gordon No Exactly I didn't have to wait I didn't have to wait I knew Say Scott Did you know there were Only seven Gordons Worldwide

Yeah And three of them Were astronauts And the rest were Fictional fucking characters Here's my theory Is everyone in this country Called either Kyle or Seth

I'm yet to meet Any male with another name I have a theory That if we built Big Ben now, it'd be called Big Tyler. Like, we just fucked up.

We're fucked up names. We're not on a good path with names. Anyway, so, yo, homie, what's your name? Please say it's Tyler, because I will fuck her! Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for coming to watch Little... Boston is time.

Dong, dong, dong. Alrighty then. So well played. Hey, you, as white people, do you feel any... As ugly white people, do you feel any... As white people who are not very good at their job, do you guys... As white people, do you feel any... Fuck you. As white people who are not very good at their job, do you guys, as white people... As a notorious banana farmer.

As white people, do you feel any affinity for America? Like, how do you feel when you see Americans? Are you like their cousin? Greatest country in the world, mate. Love it or leave it. Oh, yeah. So you are... Mate, I would have spent $18 on this if I didn't believe it.

You spent $18 on that? Yo, yo, don't laugh, don't laugh. These cunts spent $18 on this if I didn't believe it. You spent $18 on that? Yo, yo, don't laugh, don't laugh. These cunts spent $19 for this. Let's go easy. You charged them for this? Oh. That's some ACCC shit. Oh, what kind of magical free ticket deal did you have going at Stand Up NY up on the Upper West Side?

That's not a fucking not-for-profit. Stand Up New York. Didn't you say Stand Up New up on the Upper West Side. That's not a fucking not-for-profit. Stand Up New York. Didn't you say Stand Up New York? No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were apparently booking them with fucking Chris Rock. That's right. It's hard to remember things that never happened.

Apparently. No, no, no. Apparently Ronnie booked Stand Up New York, but he booked Stand Up New York and Tom Hanks and Dave Chappelle are going to re-enact their famous love-making scene from You've Got Males. In the performance of a lifetime. In the performance of a lifetime.

It's hard to remember things I don't give a fuck about. He tried to book Bill Cosby, that's why he doesn't remember anything. Oh, going after Icon. Going after Icon. Really? Are you going to defend Cosby? Wow.

Walk away from the rapist. Walk away from the rapist. Put your fedora on and start typing the headline, In defense of Cosby. Fedora. How do you guys survive the blogs? That's my question. How do we survive the blogs?

Yeah, yeah. No one gives enough of a fuck to blog about. How do you guys survive the blogs? That's my question How do we survive the blogs? No one gives enough of a fuck to blog about The only person that cares about blogs is you Who Googles blogs incessantly No one else reads any blogs No one is more affected by a neck beer than Ronnie Chang What blogs should they fear? Like what blogs are intimidating? None of us

Melbourne blogs, how about that? None of us What are you doing how about that? None of us. What are you doing? No such thing, mate. Wait, wait, wait. Do you guys have... No such thing. No, we're too busy drinking coffee, wearing skivvies and just being...

None of us lived in 1998, so we're not checking blogs. Wait, wait, wait. Do you guys have Melbourne blogs over here? Is there a thing here or... Do you guys have IINet? Who's on IRC? Do you know when Scott and I were at Triple J, we interviewed Sum 41, the band Sum 41,

and they said, do you get eBay over here? And I was like, it's the fucking internet, cunt. We also interviewed Shaggy Too Dope from the Insane Clown Posse. And he showed up in his make-up. Hang on, hang on. Now we're just doing IMDB profiles at the moment. I kind of feel like Ronnie's the Insane Clown Posse of comedy. I would love it if your fans...

Except without the clown or the posse. Yeah. If you're... Gathering? Yeah, the gathering of the Ronalos. That'd be great. The Ronalos. I am touring Australia in November, so Ronalos,

please come out. I like how they're cheering that because you're not going to be fucking here. No, man. No, man, they're cheering because Australia. They know I represent, rep Australia all day, every day. Good day, mate. Great. Finally. It's great. Fucking great, mate.

Dude, I can do Australian accents. Yeah, dude, do some Australian. Do some Australian. Wait, wait, wait. Dude, I can do Australian accents. Yeah, dude, do some Australian. Do some Australian. Wait, wait, wait. Can we do Ronnie as a bogan? Can we please interview Ronnie Chang, the bogan? Let's just do a quick interview. Hang on, hang on. Barry Chang.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome to the stage Mr. Barry Chang. That's great. Yeah, that's great. Great to see you, Barry. G'day, mate. So, you Barry G'day G'day mate So Barry G'day cunts Fucking g'day cunts

So Barry You're working on the Daily Show Got a lot to say about Donald Trump That's right mate He's a fucking cunt mate He's a shit cunt He's a shit cunt Fucking

Fucking Barry Barry you've been Fucking bogan Who became Barry, you've been enormously... Fucking Bogan who became president, mate. You've been enormously outspoken about the AFL season. Cotton Blues, there is one team. Cotton Blues. Cotton Blues all the way, mate. Who's your favourite player from the

Cotton Blues? Because I know a big fan like you would have lots to choose from. Who's your favourite? Gary Abloh. Sailing a little close to the wind there. Gary Abloh Jr. Gary who Jr.?

Gary Abloh Jr. Gary Elbow. Apparently Gary Elbow Jr. No, who's the other guy? Who's the bot? Chris Judd. Hey, Chris Judd. Stick to the character.

What was that weird racist voice you were just doing? I need to calibrate with fucking. If I can go fucking, the first word's fucking. I can do that straight. Hang on. Go back to the voice. Fucking Chris Judd. Don't break.

I'd love to see you get a bank loan. Fucking give me some money, mate. Fucking I'll work in telly, mate. Fucking give me some money, mate. Fucking I'm the fucking heir to a big banana fortune. Fucking my fucking card. Can I pay in plantain? tell him I can give me some money back in I'm the fucking heir to a big banana fortune no but then I'm lying can I play a bogan does not use the way Blanton it's like a banana bigger like my dad all right my dad grows Nana's but you gotta admit my Australian accent has gotten better since we last spoke.

Right. Okay. But it's subjective. Alright, now time for my character, Ronnie Dasolo. Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome... I hope the blogs listen to this one. The blogs are gonna fire up, mate. We really have to wrap this up.

I can't help but believe this has gone off the rails. Okay, fucking do your stupid fucking up, mate. We really have to wrap this up. I can't help but believe this has gone off the rails. Okay, fucking do your stupid fucking play, mate. So what are we going to do? Barry Ching from downtown. From Hell's Kitchen. Off the long run. Well, look, we've already gone way over time. And I do remember there being a stipulation at some point

that we may have to pay more if we go Really? Yeah mate, is that true? Do we, are we, yes? How long do we have? We've got five minutes. Hang on, do you know what's really funny? This is just one big open mic gig where you're paying to do it. But what's

the fee if we go longer than five? Stop talking we're fucking burning money now He's shaking. He says, no fee? Five bucks. No, that's him. Oh, he's doing a bit. The sound guy wants in on the action.

All right, no. He just desperately wants to go home. Yeah, exactly. No, so what we were going to do is, because, Ronnie, you invited us to your wedding on the weekend. We're not able. We just missed it. What? They got invited to your wedding on the weekend we're not able we just missed it what?

they got invited to your wedding? we covered this to be fair you weren't available yeah I fucking was mate I was

do you know a good way of finding out if someone's available inviting them and seeing if they're RSVP but you're not available

I am fucking entirely available and this is Hey, Charlie This is a terrible way to network We're having our own wedding This is terrible networking Charlie can get out of his gig

at Uncle Dave's fuck pit, okay? It's not that big of a deal I've got the five bucks Charlie's trying to get into the Ronny Chieng orbit But you have to orbit an even number of times or it fucks it all up.

Oh, wait, I get fucked up. No, prime number. You need to orbit a prime number. All right, quickly. So, anyway, what happened is your wife, your soon-to-be wife

and your past wife requested that we do a speech at your wedding and we only found that out since we weren't able to go. So, we knocked up something very quick. This is such a well-planned wedding. Yeah. We knocked up what we would have said at your wedding and we're now and we only found that out since we weren't able to go so we knocked up something this is such a well-planned wedding yeah we knocked we knocked up what we would have said at your wedding if that's all right this wedding had redundancies

right this wedding was just like yeah like carl and tommy can't come yeah no we i think we were second round draft picks you are third round third round sorry thanks for keeping me on the right level there. No problem. Alright, here we go. Here's a speech we would have done. Wait, I reckon... I'm doing it. This is exactly why you were not booked.

But that's you. You say that bit. I thought you wanted to do that bit. I thought you guys wrote this, so what the fuck do you know about this? Alright, whatever you want. Well, you've written... You're so stupid. You guys are so fucking stupid.

Thank you all for coming here to this special occasion. A wedding which is, in this case, the whole union between a rain man and a woman. That's pretty good. Fun fact... You should book these guys. Fun fact, this is actually Ronnie's second wedding for this marriage. Two weddings.

That officially makes him the opposite of Carl. Oh, fuck, yeah, so I'll do this bit. So I'm sure Ronnie will prove to be a great husband. You know, whichever task his wife set him, whether it's doing the dishes, taking out the garbage or counting the grains of sand on Coney Island Beach. It's actually amazing that we're all here today. It is incredible that Ronnie has

managed to fit this wedding in, into the four months between his appearances on The Daily Show. Fantastic stuff. So be fair, Ronnie, you are inspirational. You know, you're getting married. You've inspired me. You know, I'm going to get married now. Because I've always said I would never get married

until it was legal for a woman to marry a virgin Asian robot. This is the best wedding I've ever been to. I know, I'll do this one. So glad I got invited. This is the best wedding we've ever been to. I know, I'll do this one. You do that bit. Okay, sure. So glad I got invited. This is the best wedding we've never been invited to. So we're actually, we're so sad we can't make it to the actual wedding, Ronnie,

but we wish you and your wife the best, and we really hope you have a great flight back to Australia. Aunt Qantas, Qantas, gotta be Qantas. It's got to be Qantas. Again, why are you guys so good here but in your careers? So terrible everywhere else. This is fucking good stuff. Because there's actual people here. See, if you brought me this, I could get you Todd Berry. Instead of those two idiots. So, guys, ladies and gentlemen, I could get you Todd Berry. But with your fucking... Instead of those two idiots.

So, guys, so, ladies and gentlemen, raise your shing-dows and always drink them responsibly for Ronnie and Mrs Ronnie. And we hope they have a long and happy marriage for at least as long as it takes for Ronnie's wife to get sick of washing his hands 68 times a day. To Ronnie! To Ronnie. Hey! To Rod and Ronald. Cheers. Thanksotney! Tarotney.

Tarot and Ronald. Thanks guys. That was great. That was fucking awesome. Alright. That'll do. Will that do? Should we...

Or should we do it? Is it a little bit rad dad? We've literally got a rad daddy for you. Yeah, we've got a rad dad. Should we close it out with a rad dad? Because I will say, I was working on this on the subway today and I sort of was distracted for a bit and I was looking out the window

and then I looked back and the guy sitting next to me was looking over my shoulder at the screen and he was laughing. So it played pretty well on the number six, guys. Someone said it was Carl. I would not have been laughing. Carl can't read. Should we do it quickly? We don't have the theme music but should we do it quickly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, guys. Someone said it was Carl. I would not have been laughing. Carl can't read. Should we do it quickly? We don't have the theme music, but should we do it quickly?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool. I like before I just realised I said, we've literally got a rad dad. As opposed to us metaphorically having a rad dad. Charlie, there's a script behind your seat. What are we doing? You are playing... You have got the bits that say Charlie.

Fuck me. We don't have the theme music, but... Not in my contract. Imagine a theme music that's not that good. Okay, let's go into it. And we're back. Okay, great. Here we go.

Oh, hang on. For the people that don't know who we are... We are playing the roles we were born to play. I'm playing an old guy that is stuck in the past and he's playing a little girl. Wait, wait. Can we explain the origin story of Red Dead? I can't. Namely the...

Do it very quickly. Carl got asked to audition. No, not even audition. Got asked to be in a Target catalogue back home. Target's a lot like target. And they didn't say what... And a catalogue is like a catalogue.

And he couldn't do it, but like, they'd sent in the script already and they hadn't sent in the email what role it was going to be. But there was four roles. It was like little girl, little boy, old Aboriginal woman. And rad Dad. So I don't want to

take too far of a jump, but I think it was Rad Dad. Okay, so here we go. Here we go. Start of Rad Dad. Starts... So I play Rad Dad's daughter. Yep. So... Alright! Well this is it, Jenny. My big break. Aud auditioning for SNL

I can't believe it Rad Dad Imagine you as a cast member On Saturday Night Live Oh shit, is that what SNL stands for? I thought it was sexy nude ladies I was wondering why you didn't have your top off I'm 12 And related to you

Well I sure hope these producers like my comedy sketches. It would be a dream to get on SNL alongside my current favourite actor, Rob Schneider. Okay, shit, here come the producers. Hey, Rad Dad. I'm Scott. And I'm Charlie. We're the producers of Saturday Night Live.

Yes, we're Australian. I like how you didn't print out the right version of Red Dead. No, we couldn't be fucked doing an accent. Hey, I'm producing over here. Correction, we shouldn't have been fucked doing an accent. Was I meant to do an American accent? One of these kids is not like the others. Scott.

Oh, sorry. Okay. Which character are you going to do for us first? Well, this is a little character I cooked up recently called Con the Fruiterer. My wife? Okay, okay. Okay, first of all, Colin the Fruit-er-er is from an Australian sketch show in the 90s. Second of all, what you did was Borat.

Oh man, he is hitting me with that tough New Yorker attitude. Better bring out the big guns. Well, here is a character I like to call Gay Crocodile Dundee. This actually reminds me of a story I once heard about a bad Australian comedian that auditioned for a talent show. What a strange thing to bring up. Oh, well, I guess I blew my big break.

Come on, Jenny, let's go home and unwind the way I always do. Listening to Hoobastank and jerking off to Pamela Anderson. Wow. Wow. This is the worst character you've done so far. Absolutely one dimensional and relying on lazy, cheap gags

that barely get any kind of response from the audience. Yeah, it's almost as if we've had better things to do here in New York and wrote this up 20 minutes before the show started. Ha, ha, ha. Some sweet dialogue. Jenny, I've just checked the Twitter feed of one of my favourite comedians. Listen to this one.

I was in a cafe and there was an item on the menu called a duck sandwich. Ooh! And that made me sad because that duck is finally surrounded by bread. Now he's in no position to enjoy it. Oh my god, what just happened? Mr Red Dad!

Can you just act up a bit? It's just a little bit flat at the moment. There's some scenery that still hasn't been eaten yet if you can just chew up the rest of it. Broadway style. This is what I'm saying, Scott. You try and they hate you in Australia. We have been producers

here at Saturday Night Live for the last 45 years and what we just saw was the greatest piece of comedy I've ever seen in my life. But I was just reading You're hired.

We want to sign you up for a 10 year minimum contract. Minimum 10 year contract. No, that's my line. Sorry. Awesome. I'm going's my line. Sorry. Awesome. I'm going to meet Chris Farley.

I would love for you to meet Chris Farley. Scott. We hardly need to bother, but... I don't know why I'm talking like this, but this is my thing. I'm Sir Lawrence Olivier. As the producers of Saturday Night Live, I vary very differently depending on the person who's going to come to audition

and the next auditioner. I also direct Shakespeare. Of course you do. Yes, and we have a $1 bet on who will become the person who auditions next. I think we just got fined another $100 for being in this room. But however, our final auditioner here, is there a Mr. Chang?

Mr. Chang? Yes, thank you, you stupid fucking idiots. What the fuck is this shit? This guy just reads a tweet and then he's on the show? This guy makes no fucking sense. You idiots get this great guest in here and then you make them read out this shitty play that took you three minutes to write?

Well, fuck you. Yeah, okay. I thought Duck Sandwich was good, okay? But this character is even better. I think America is going to love Asian Rain Man. I'm not doing a character, you stupid fuck. This guy's even got the catchphrases You're hired

Sorry Rad Dad but you're out As a consolation prize Please take this signed photo of Pamela Anderson From when she hosted the show Yes! Live from New York It's me, Jack and my little dick off Of Rad Dad

Absolutely wonderful stuff All right, Dad! Absolutely wonderful stuff. New York, the entertainment capital of the world. Guys, I think this is going to have cost us an absolute pretty penny. We've got to wrap this up here. I thought it was over, so I walked off. we've got to wrap this up here I thought it was over so I walked off and now we're back just trying to squeeze the last

bit of goodwill out of the audience Scott Dooley just dropped the mic and picked it up again to apologise Remember when Kobe Bryant did that? It was like, oh shit, so about the mic And he's still talking They're not cheap I would like to think Milan buying so many drinks would

apologise to the bar. Yeah, is that our fee right there? Let's hope so. Here's the end. Guys, thank you so much for coming down. New York! This has been absolutely fantastic. Thank you so much for coming down and packing out the Union Hall.

Give a huge round of applause to your guests, Scott Dooley, Charlie Pickering, Ronnie Chang. Thank you so much for listening at home and we'll see you next time. See you, mates! Ronnie, do a see you, mates. A see you, mates.