The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 361 - Senator Sam Dastyari & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: September 6, 2017

This week, we venture into Melbourne's Trades Hall to welcome back the official senator of The Little Dum Dum Club: SAM DASTYARI. And because there's a pizza place nearby, DILRUK JAYASINHA also happens to drop in! We have a great opportunity to talk to someone who is shaping the future of our country, so naturally we spend ages hearing about one of Chandler's share houses in Ballarat and Dil going for a swim. Vote yes to comedy!  Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:SYDNEY: We're doing a show at the SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE! Don't miss this one, it's gonna be huge. THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 14.MELBOURNE: We're doing a huge live show with FIONA O'LOUGHLIN and LAWRENCE MOONEY! SATURDAY OCTOBER 21.PERTH: We're heading over for our annual huge Dum Dum event. SUNDAY NOVEMBER 19.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with Senator Sam Dastyari and Sen-eater, the Rook Jai singer. Yes! Very nice. We barely need to air the episode now. If you want to see more top shelf comedy like that, we are

doing a huge live show at the Sydney Opera House, Thursday, September the 14th. Not long to go now until that. As part of the Just for Laughs Festival in Sydney. Snap your tickets up. It is going to be a huge, huge show. The most prestigious venue we've ever done. Exactly. And get

online, have a look. We are also doing stand-up the very next night. So get your ticket to that, to all of it. If you are one of those rare, rare Pokemon that want to see our stand-up in Sydney, you can find out all about that at the Sydney Opera House or the Just for Laughs website. Yeah. So we're doing the stand-up the Friday night, the 7.15pm show, I believe is the one we're on, if you want to come along to that.

We're both on the same show. They've even made it easy for you. Yep. So that's on the same show. They've even made it easy for you. Yep. So that's going to be awesome. Following that, in Melbourne, we have our huge live show at the Croxton Park Hotel, Saturday, October the 21st, with guests Lawrence Mooney and Fiona O'Loughlin. Going absolutely wild, bare knuckle on stage for your enjoyment. Some idiots out there actually believe that.

I saw some comments in our little Facebook group saying, oh, they're actually going to fight. No, they're not. It's just going to be like one of our normal episodes. It's just going to be with the two favourite guests, the two favourite pairing of all time. But look, we know what both of them are like. Let's not rule bare-knuckle boxing out of it.

It could come to that by the end of it. We don't know. It's going to be fun. It's going to be our big, big Melbourne show of the year. It is selling extremely well at the moment. We're in a big, big venue. So we're really hoping to sell that thing out. Following that, Perth, Sunday, November the 19th,

our big dum-dum extravaganza that we do over there every year. We're in for one ticket. You get the two of us doing stand-up from this year's festival shows and then a huge live podcast. We bring guests over. It's going to be awesome. We've got two favourites confirmed already. Yes, just chasing a third one now,

but two very, very entertaining favourites of the show. So it's going to be a lot of fun. It's selling well already. Perth people, getting your tickets early. Thank you very much. And also, yeah, tickets to all this stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com is the easiest way to find all this information. And I reckon next week we're going to announce a new show.

Yes. Yeah, so keep an eye on that. A brand new city that we're going to announce next week. Brand new city. So we're going to go into the middle of nowhere. We're going to establish a little colony and then we're going to hold a live show. We're going to make the Dumb Dumb version of Las Vegas

in the middle of the desert. It's going to be real good. So also, if you enjoy the show every week that you get for free, you can support us on Patreon, which is always greatly appreciated. That's it. We make a bonus episode. We make a bonus magazine. And

if you go and check out patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club, you'll find out all about it. There's a link on our website. And what we do is you get all those bonus things, including you get your name written out. Now, what we do is you get all those bonus things, including you get your name written out. Now, what we usually do is do all that stuff right now, but we're going to just whip straight into this episode. For the people who complain the intro is too long.

Yes. From now on, we're just doing this. We're just giving you a little bit of ads up the top, and you can get straight into the normal episode. And if you like the Patreon name reading out, you can hang around at the end of the episode. So after about a year and a half of non-stop complaints about the Patreon names taking too long at the start of the episode, we have listened to the feedback and we have changed the direction

of the show. So this is proof that as a consumer, you know, you can be heard. If you persist long enough, good things will happen. That's it. If you think of something right now that you don't like about the show, let us know and in 2021 we might have a think about it. Interesting. What a dangerous precedent we've set here. So, yes, stick around to hear your name being read out at the end of the show if you're one of those people that still enjoy that. But, yes, otherwise enjoy this brand new episode

with Senator Sam Dastyari and Dilruk Jai Singer. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting opposite me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Huge show today. Yeah.

You look like you've got something you're itching to tell me about. No, I've just got a lot of energy. I'm having a very stressful, hectic day and we'll get into it, I'm sure, later on. Okay. I'm also very in awe of at least one of our guests today. Yes, sure. Well, let me introduce... He holds a very important position. Yes.

Well, let me introduce... In the evolution cycle. Let me... First of all... The missing link. First of all, you know him from the line at KFC. Please welcome back in the little Dunham Club, Dilruchai Singer. Thank you very much.

Good to be here. I'm glad you guys went straight into it because we know the listeners have probably just listened to 40 minutes of you guys babbling on about shows. We got an email today, a bit of feedback about how we should get rid of the Patreon stuff. It's really shaken me to the core. I love it as well because there's potentially very new listeners, given your other guests who are on here will come in and that's the first thing they're going to hear. Well, maybe they haven't heard it.

Yeah, I reckon we're due for a rebrand, to be honest. Which now this bit just seems bizarre if we haven't done it. But also joining us today, very special friend of the show, you know him as the keyboard cat of Australian politics. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Sam Dastyari. G'day to you kids. Great to be back.

I do want to say that first 40 minutes which is shit that no one listens to and everyone just passes to. I reckon if you held a fundraiser that said if if you raise X amount more dollars, we will stop doing the name thing at the start. That's interesting, yeah. So you propose having a Patreon fundraiser for the Patreon read at the start. To stop the read at the start.

Yeah, we should do that, because people do that on their Patreons, where they say, once we get to this amount, we'll do this. But we're actually, we're going back. We're saying we'll give you less. I was going to propose a level of Patreon. Really? Well, I did once. A Patreon level where you know how everyone always suggests things to us and we go, fuck off.

This is our thing. And then if you have a certain amount, you're allowed to have an opinion. Oh, that's not bad. So we make you an official shareholder or whatever. Well, no, we don't have to do what you say. We just don't tell you to fuck off. Yeah. We'll still ignore you.

We just want verbalisation. Yeah, I love it. All these stretch goals are just based around us not doing stuff. It's great. Isn't telling people to fuck off kind of your brand? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I bet you wish you were allowed to do that in your position, but you've got to listen to everyone.

I'm not even going to go there. But, no no I actually have I do have a beef with you guys because things is it halal beef though? all this kind of hang on Bill just got erect

all this recent success is very off brand it's very off brand it's a bit weird no no seriously Montreal you know just for laughs

just for laughs opera house opera house yeah you know going doing the US you guys had Van Wilder or whatever

on the other week yes and you know how he said like keep it simple don't overthink it yeah your brand is being shit

yeah you guys are fucked because the second you start going well people are like look if I wanted to listen to a successful podcast

I'll listen to Will Anderson yeah so we've jumped the shark yeah that's the problem right you've got to start going well. Look, if I wanted to listen to a successful podcast, I'd listen to Will Anderson. So we've jumped the shark. That's the problem, right? You've got to start failing again. It happened with Marin as well. Marin got popular because he was bitter and neurotic and depressed. And then all of a sudden success came in and it's just like, oh, it's lost its edge.

And now all he has is $30,000 a week. So he's kind of fucked it, hasn't he? I think it's more than that. We had a figure the other day he's making $60,000 a week so he's kind of fucked it hasn't he? I think it's more than that We had a figure the other day he's making $60,000 a week off his podcast What? So we are still officially the underdog Announcing officially I am now starting a podcast

We are still the underdog I did love that when you first were talking about your Patreon subscribers and the money that you guys were getting, your fans kept sending you screenshots of how much Tofop and Dollop were getting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are they getting? Are they killing it?

Google. Yeah, who knows? Now on Patreon you can hide how much you get a week, so we are definitely hiding that from now on. Yeah, right. Because, again, the underdog status. People are like, oh, we want to help these boys out if they really know how they were sitting. Tommy's here in his gold jacket. I am, right. Because, again, the underdog status. People are like, oh, we want to help these boys out if they really know how, like, they were sitting.

Tommy's here in his gold jacket. I am. He rolled up in a matte Bugatti. I will take the burqa off in a minute so we can get stuck into this interview. But, yes. You've got a book out, Sam. Yeah, I do. I do.

We were hoping to get you on the junket while you were out promoting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm always happy to come on. It's one halal of a story. It's halal certified, so Dilruk, you can actually officially eat the book. Well, I read the, I started reading it and that's when I realised I kind of agree with Boko Haram. Like, they just need

to. What does that mean? You don't know who Boko Haram is? No. They're the dudes who want to stop... The musical by the South Park guys? It's a parody of the parody Park guys? It's a parody of the parody. Yeah, it's a parody of the parody.

No, where are they? They're in Pakistan. No, where? Nigeria. Nigeria, right, right, right. And trying to stop women from learning

and stuff like that. Oh, right, right, right. So I felt like So you felt that my book made you feel like that? Yeah. Fuck you. I think you felt like that before you started reading the book.

I'm not talking about Dilruba. He's a superstar now. He's a big shot now that he's kind of made it on TV. I disagree. Thank you. We were watching you at our house the other day. My wife goes to me and I said, I'm trying to show off a guy. I know him.

He's a mate of mine. Dilruba, I know him. And she's like, oh, he's a fantastic actor. I go, no, no, that's him. He's playing himself. Right. This is YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no acting going on there. No actor I go no no that's him he's playing himself right this is a YouTuber yeah yeah yeah

there's no acting going on there no no no it's just you being you no totally everyone's watching and going oh wow what an amazing actor what a method actor

yeah there's a couple of scenes where Lee Moore he's doing a good job he's not eating in all the scenes there's a couple I got a couple of eating scenes and I got to ask for croissants

because he was like what do you want to eat I'm like croissants and you just keep flubbing your lines, so you have to do more and more and more takes, hence eat more food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep me coming, keep me coming.

Keep the grapes away. I've read that that's a good part of acting, when people are asked to eat during acting. That's actually a really good level, if you can keep up the performance and eat at the same time. Yeah, no, it was hard. I just had the one line and I had to say, I think it was like landfill, and then bite into the croissant.

But in the first take I fucked it up. I bit in and said landfill. So all the pastry went on Celia Picoula. Imagine you getting eating wrong. Eating and talking. Mum said never to talk when your mouth's full, which is why I haven't had a podcast yet because it's too hard for me to find an hour

where I'm not having something. That would be good. I'd listen to that. Dilruk's Mealtime. And so you just set up a mic while you eat so each episode will be six hours long. Yeah, yeah. I was thinking of me in a comic going out,

eating at a cafe called Cheap Lunch. That's another idea that I floated a bit. That's great. When you have ideas, you just broadcast them while podcasting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk about it. So when is the book already out? Yeah, yeah, That's great. When you have ideas, you just broadcast them while podcasting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking about it.

So when did the book, is Audrey out? Yeah, yeah, it's out. It's all kind of doing its thing. I'm here in Melbourne for a couple of days. Should we tell them we're recording this in the powerhouse that is the Victorian Trades Hall? Sure. People know what that is. No, I don't know what it is.

A lot of comedy fans would know. Or would they? Yeah, no, not really. I don't think so. Yeah, it's an old union hall sort of thing in Melbourne, isn't it? Yeah. They have some fun parties. They have Friday nights and stuff like that as well.

I forget what it was called. 80s and 90s pop music. Yeah, upstairs is a bar where they have club nights and stuff like that. It's near Ligon. It's on Ligon just before the city. It's a venue for the comedy festival that notoriously no one goes to. So there's five of us. For us, for comedians.

It's almost like one of your shows. Even us comedians are notoriously known for getting offered Trades Hall and going, no thank you. You've got to draw the line somewhere. Exactly. It's only a 25 minute walk from the town hall. That's a long time.

That's half a show. I've made several, I've had several offers where they've said, oh, do you want to do Trades Hall? And I say, no. And they go, we will offer you absolutely nothing else. I'm like, sounds better. Is Sam saying, do you want to do the podcast at Trades Hall today?

Is that the first time you've said yes to a Trades Hall offer? This is the first time I've performed in Trades Hall. Sam's version of bringing it down a few pegs. There's the other three of us and one of my mates. This is probably the biggest crowd they've seen for a while. Yes, this guy gets it. And you've brought beers for us as well.

I brought beer. I brought furfies, yeah. I'm going to plug a beer. We've got beers here. It's very rare to get a beer-bringing guest, so I appreciate it very much. Diorok brings food? No, there's none left by the time I get to the party. Diorok doesn't drink anymore. Yeah, it's been over a year now that I appreciate it very much really? yeah Dyrrug brings food? what did you bring? no no there's none left

by the time I get to the point Dyrrug doesn't drink anymore yeah it's been over a year now that I haven't drunk oh you've just you've just clocked a year I clocked a year which went over the time

that we went to the Koso Mui podcast yeah yeah I won't lie you didn't drink at all during the entire festival no I was having cups of tea in the pool

he was too genuinely yeah don't you need to drink like for it to be like for these guys to be funny? That was drugs, no. No, no, I stayed clean, but I did find it difficult in the pool because drinking in the pool is like one of my absolute…

You wanted to drink all that chlorinated water. Oh, mate, think about it. I feel weightless in the water. It's my happiest time. Time to celebrate. Yeah. Plus, absolutely everyone involved is drinking from about 11 onwards as well. Oh, crazy.

It was definitely one of the most challenging, of the year that I did it. For people that haven't heard, we went to Koh Samui to do a podcast festival. Yes. Where were you, Sam Dastari? How come you, as if you had any work to do? I was in London.

I missed it. I actually looked at going on the way through, and I was off to London. But I saw Cody about a week before it happened. Nick Cody. Nick Cody. And we were down in kind of Tasmania. And he was pumped.

Kind of Tasmania. Yeah. It's not quite Tasmania. But he was pumped. And he was going to meet, you know, you're going to eat, drink. Did he bring his dad or something? He did bring his dad, yes. Yeah.

Good dad. And he was really. Who brings their dad to a podcast festival? The Codys, yeah. Do you not realise how much of a bogan he is? Cody's dad went harder than Cody. It was pretty great. Definitely. I mean, have we talked a lot about the stuff,

some of the things that we did at the podcast that didn't get recorded? Like, I don't know, going to a strip club. Did we ever talk about that? I didn't go, so no. I haven't talked about a thing that I didn't do. You weren't there? No. Okay.

Yeah, okay. Well, I mean, I don't know. This is going to end well. We've got a federal centre on, so let's use it. This is the time to talk about a strip club. Hey, it worked well for Kevin Rudd, so you know what? Maybe it makes him more of a man of the people. He drinks beer and he loves titties

in his face oh no no officially he can't remember whether or not he had a lap dance I think that was the right right right

can we get an exclusive as to whether you got a lap dance the club was called Scores it shut down allegedly yeah

shut down in New York one of the old school titty bars what a claim to fame like that's the is that the ultimate badge of honour for a strip club? To be involved in a scandal of someone of note being left there? Being photographed leaving there?

I think Rudd has a lot more on his... I would say eating his earwax. That was probably a bad, bad moment. No, I remember the day, actually. What did it taste like? I was working with Kevin at the time. So we get this... This is going back to 2006. No, I remember the day, actually. What did you test like? No, I was working with Kevin at the time. So we get this, like, this is going back to 2006.

No, it was 2007 at this point, but it was before the election. So an actual fax comes in from the Sunday Telegraph, and they said, and the fax had questions, and it said you've got till 3pm to answer. And they're all about Kevin going to a strip club. Right, right, right. And so our first reaction is like, oh, this is not going to, you know, like it's bullshit, it must be bullshit, blah, blah, blah. Goes up the chain, Kevin's in Sydney, Kevin comes in,

he goes into a room, closes the door, calls Therese, there's like fucking screaming and that, walks out and he goes, yeah, so I told the next day and it's all fine and this and that, blah, blah, blah. And it all ended up playing out well because it was actually one of the most normal things about it. Right, it actually humanised the politician, which is probably bad in terms of what happened with Donald Trump

because I think the more, like, you know, the everyman that he... The fact that he came out as if he's a non-politician is what got him in. Yeah. Which is what I would say. That's what blindsided people. Yeah. This is Dilrub, by the way, who fucking votes Liberal. Yeah.

Allegedly votes Liberal. In fact, I've just claimed, I said, Sam Dastyar is the only person in this room who actually knows who I voted for because we hung out in Canberra after the Dumb Dumb Life pod and I was like, oh, it's really fun because it was round about the elections and because Carl is so angry that he thinks I've voted Liberal

he might be right and look at his face. I don't know. This is what I don't understand. Why are you getting so angry? That's what I don't get. I just hate the idea. Whenever I see this, it's so frustrating to see someone vote for a party that fucking hates you. I mean, there's aspects of the Liberal Party that obviously would benefit me. I get it, though.

He comes on this podcast when all we do is abuse him. So he's kind of conditioned to it. It's like he sees Pauline and he's like, fuck, want some of that liberal party a podcast he votes paul and i finally made it i've been accepted by this society paul and pauline's one nation that's slightly different that's the deadliest catch for you yeah yeah i uh you know i'm a no i don't want to say do you want to reveal it by the end of this podcast who you voted for for? Because it must be... Because I enjoy... It's one of those things where girls go, oh, I keep going out with guys that are bad for me.

Is that what this is? About Dilruch, yeah. Yeah, I don't... Look, I won't reveal. I just find it more fun to keep it mysterious. Have you got a timeline? It excites me that Sam knows. Yeah, that's what I mean. What's your knows that Sam knows you're dealing with a politician here right

you've told me something right whether or not you're bullshitting me or not is a completely separate matter I wouldn't bullshit you over orange juice and beers are you just that used to like dealing with other politicians that you can't believe anyone now yeah yeah yeah no I'm not

you've heard this podcast right yeah yeah exactly yeah you It strikes me as such a man of integrity. Yeah. No, I'm not. Like, you've heard this podcast, right? Yeah, yeah. Exactly, yeah. You bribe me with food. I was enjoying that. Food. But do you freaking work in politics helps your bullshit radar more? Yeah.

How does it work? Like, do you actually apply it in, like, when you're playing poker and stuff? What's the difference between a new senator and an experienced senator? Like, when you see the new people come in, you go, oh, here we go. Because they're not beaten and disappointed by life and their careers yet. Right, right, right. The bad shit hasn't happened. So it's still similar to comedy.

Still similar. You guys must see it, right? When people start off in comedy and they're so excited and they go to their first rooms. Yeah, I'm sitting next to one of them right now. I was going to gonna say people warned me that my excitement would wane at some point it's been seven years i'm still yeah but your career keeps going up though most people doesn't yeah yeah you're still excited yeah and you kind of like and you because everyone else just looks at them and goes i just can't wait till they become

bitter and twisted and hate the world like most of us. Which is comedy, right? Yeah, totally. Totally. Very similar. What must be made, like, okay, the first time someone gets up and does just, you know, improv or wherever, like an open kind of room, have you seen anyone pull it off and actually do it well? Improv? No. No. Like, people have done their very first gig.

And crushed, yeah. Yeah, they've done well because I think you have that extra energy from being super excited and all that sort of stuff. You see people crush their first gigs. A lot of the time people bring all their mates along so you stack the room.

The only reason I'm still going is I crushed my first gig. Honestly, I was planning on doing one gig and one gig only and honestly, and I've told this before but I got up,

went really well and as I walked off, two separate girls came up and talked to me and I'm like, I'm fucking in. Two separate girls. The same girl coming twice.

You could have just said two girls came up and... How do you explain still going after the... I want to root you kind of thing or was it like just like, hi, how are you? No, we never speak to you before this. No, two girls came up. I was single at the time. Two girls came up and were like,

oh, that was really, really good. And I'm like, why the fuck wouldn't I do comedy? Keep going. If this is what's going to happen every time. It never happened. Did you get the cut of your pyjamas? Did you actually get to go anywhere? No, no, no. You know what? I was being a bit of a dork. I was so excited off the high of doing comedy that I just ran

off and went, oh, I don't need you. I'm high on comedy. Yeah. That has happened to me. I've chatted to a girl after a show. You did not run off on a girl, literally. No, she was sort of a bit of interest, but I was still like, I think it was like, oh, Tom Gleeson's backstage. I just want to go hang out with him. Oh, yeah, great.

That sounds right. Yeah. I've done that. Yeah, totally. You can have that adrenaline and do really well if you first gig. A lot of people don't, but yeah. I bombed my first one. Do you remember your first gig? Yeah, I did the classic

what I was saying before. I just had heaps of mates there. But it's almost like then the pressure's worse because it's like if you've got the deck stacked that well and you do shit in that condition then not only don't do it again but actually neck yourself. You were super young too when you did your first one. How old were you

when you did your first set of stand-ups? 16. See, that's like, that's young. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You started politics pretty young. Yeah, yeah. Did you stack the crowd

for that as well? No, I stacked the branch. I got stuck in the branch. I brought 330 people to a meeting. Oh, right. And you moved all your family into that zone and they all voted for you?

Well, they were already there already. It was probably pretty much every Iranian in Sydney had joined up at that point. I didn't realise I just had to get them into a comedy room and I could have, you know, made it with you guys. You could have won real comedy. Real comedy, yeah, yeah.

We've seen your videos. Comedy. Political comedy. The bar is far lower. How do you get in, like, because with comedy, any Yahoo can just walk up and get onto a stage and that's it. But how do you get into politics? Oh, mate, it's way sadder than that.

You get involved in things like, I mean, somebody said terrible, like young labour and youth politics. They're those dickheads that were doing kind of university politics. I was them. I was all of them. And they're all the same people. They're all, you know, Tony Abbott did it all. All of them.

They're the same people. They're still around. They're just kind of there 40 years later, still doing it. Yeah. I got caught in some of the crossfires of that because at uni, I was, I became the Clubs and Societies Officer of Melbourne Uni Student Union. And obviously, like, we ran on a ticket called More Activities, which was just all about more booze and more partying and stuff like that.

So, it was easy for me to sell that brand because that's all I did. Like, literally walking around sometimes with those beer hats that have like straws attached to it and doing like nudie runs during lecture theatres and stuff. So it was like... You were doing nudie runs in lecture theatres? Yes, it was... That was my first gig.

Memorable. That's why I bombed. No, you didn't bomb, you fatty bomb bombed. And in that thing, so there was all this fight between the left and the young libs and the socialist collective and all of that. And in the end, they kind of just gave their preferences to us because in terms of that particular thing, which is running clubs and societies, they're like, well… Hang on, hang on. You don't give your preferences to the bloke with the beer hat? Yeah, sure.

But what I love is you're getting past this. So you did a nudie run through a lecture hall. Everyone laughed and you thought comedy's for me. Or politics is for you. Well, it was like I did just run through it. It's a thing called

Prosh Week at Melbourne Uni where it's like a week of scavenger hunts and dumb stunts and stuff. It's like a 150 year tradition or something like that. I bet it's not. I bet it's just a thing you did. I'm convincing you. Run through this room naked.

It's 150 years of tradition. This is great revisionist history. It's more like a 150 beer tradition. Yeah, yeah. Let's tell the foreign student this is what we do in Australia. Someone asked me about Ronny Chieng's international student saying, oh, is that relatable? I'm like, no, I'm more like the Dave Eastgate character

that's constantly maggoted and trying to do boat races and stuff like that. Right, right. So, yeah, it's a week like that where you go, you do a scavenger hunt list for you to like police car doors and all these kind of bizarre stuff. Did you steal a police car door? I've said too much. No, no.

I like that you put stealing the door off a police car in the bizarre category. Oh, world's weirdest stunts. He's done it again. No, that one was one of those ones that are extreme. There's like an extreme list and we didn't bother attempting that. One we did was like one of my friends. Stealing the door of a police car. Yeah, someone actually

did it like 10 years before. Yeah, so what they did is they organised a fake riot, like a fake fight outside a pub and the cops had shown up and while the cops

were attending to that a couple of the other guys had started unscrewing and ran away with the car door. I don't know if I've ever said this before but I used to live

in this terrible share house in Ballarat and when I moved I moved directly over the road so we could still keep tabs, but I used to live in this terrible share house in Ballarat and when I moved, I moved directly over the road so we could still keep tabs on where we used to live. That's so weird. I don't know. It's weirder that you did that. Because you make it sound like you did it on purpose.

You hunted out a place across the street. It's like, I don't want to be around it, I just want to observe it. You're like Star Trek. I just want to watch. But we used to check in on how the old house was going because we found out there was all these real freaks that moved in. And so what they did was, this was literally their yard. They built themselves their own sensory deprivation tank.

Sensory. Sensory. What did I say? Century. Sensory. So you get in there and if you wait for 100 years, you will have deprived yourself of 100 years. Yeah. If you stay in there and if you wait for a hundred years you will have deprived yourself of a hundred years

yeah if you stay in there long enough so sensory deprivation tank so what they did was sensory deprivation in Ballarat

they what this was how they literally built it was it was two wheelie bins on top of each other and they took the

like they hollowed it out they took the lid off the bottom one and the they took the, like they hollowed it out. Yeah. They took the lid off the bottom one and the bottom off the... What do you mean they hollowed it out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a wheelie bin. No, no, but you know how it's like, it's got that corn effect where it'll stack one into the other.

Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. And you take the middle out. So they attached to, so it was just one big wheelie, one very narrow wheelie bin, right, and tall. So they hung that from the stairwell because it was a second story thing. They hung it from the stairwell and they filled it

with warm water and then they would lower they had like this little crane thing they would lower each other into it and so it tried to make the effect of weightlessness right and then they would pump static music into the bins.

And why did you move out? And these idiots, I was so off their heads. So you're in your living room across the street just watching this through the curtains. What I love is you're those guys. I love how your theory is that these crazy people moved in and they go, look at the fucking psychopath who moved out. He went across the road to watch this. Yeah, he's watching us jacking off.

What a weirdo. But I love how you've gone into into He's not depriving his senses. I love how you've gone into in-depth detail about the wheelie bin situation and you've just glossed over this crane. You're like, anyway, then they lower themselves in with, I don't know, whatever, some kind of crane. Anyway, back to how the wheelie bins are stuck together.

So is this an outdoor thing? Yeah, it was an outdoor thing. How do you think he saw it from across the street? Well, he might have had a peephole. I left a webcam in there when I heard that. Longstanding passion for it. So what reminded me of that was, because there was that. So people would come over and see that and go, oh, my God.

And this is how weird it was. They would gloss over the fact that they also had half a police car in the backyard next to it. Just the front half of a police car. Which half? Front or back? The front half. The back half is not that recognisable.

You wouldn't go, oh, that's the classic bottom half of a fucking police car. Is that a purchase? Or how did they get it? Oh, man. I don't know. Did it always happen after you left? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the police car wasn't there when you moved in? No. Right, right. It wasn't like I moved out and they chucked half of it away. Yeah. So how long did the sensory deprivation bin stick around for? I don't know. I mean, I wasn't checking in every day.

It sounds like you weren't. Tell the story. Didn't you feel like, hey, old housemate here, can I have a go? No, because I didn't live with them. It's not like I moved out and my old housemates stayed there. I moved out and

there was completely new people. Everyone moved out yeah. But you weren't tempted to come back in and just try and get a go in the tank

just going hey I lived here before and I left some stuff behind and I reckon that sensory deprivation tank might be mine. I reckon I might have left it behind.

Wouldn't council and the landlord or whatever see all this happening out the front? They're all this happening out the front? Deroog's thinking it's the prism of a local government issue. Mate, you're not on set. Chill out.

You're not nudie running anymore. You're not a politician. If this shows up in season four of Utopia, we're going to fucking take you to court. So, hang on. How long were you living in Ballarat for? I lived in Ballarat for... This is during the gold rush, right?

I think maybe four years. And it's before comedy? Before comedy, yeah. You've got Sovereign Hill and over here you've got Sovereign over the hill. Very nice. Four or five years, I think, yeah. I have a very distinguished career in Ballarat. I went to TAFE, went to the School of Mines in TAFE in Ballarat,

and then I went to uni, and then I worked at a quick copy printers for maybe two years, and then that was it. They're still going? They're not, actually, in Ballarat. The brand, they're still out there. Not the store I worked at. Really?

The Ballarat one, they've gone all digital. Well, I reckon I nearly got sacked maybe three times. Great. Just got the job and actually didn't know what I was doing. Sounds like you might have been a bit stressed. You know what you could have used? A bit of sensory deprivation. I need so – this is all I want to talk about.

So people get attached to the crane and then they get hoisted up in the air and lowered in. And how are they blasting the music in? They're just what, holding a speaker over the lid of it? Yeah, there was – Oh, how was it? It was... I'm not sure. Man, it was a long time ago.

There was definitely... Because what took my eye was the fact that they were putting... The crane? The bin that's stacked on top of each other? Perhaps. The police car? Perhaps all of it? The very relaxed unit that walks out of it?

Oh, that was nice. Doesn't know. He doesn't walk out. He gets dragged out by the crane. Talk about depriving your senses and then afterwards you get a lift out of a crane. But the thing was, isn't it supposed to be a relaxing phenomenon to do that stuff?

But they were pumping static music into it. Yeah. Like just... So the sensory deprivation tank is what... That's where you... Because you do the gravity float thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it like that?

It's kind of the same thing, isn't it? It's the same... That's what they're trying to do is you deprive your senses so it's pitch black, your ears are submerged under water so you hear nothing and you're floating. It's like a floatation tank. So these guys have seen that and upped it once. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And gone, what if they were between channels while they were doing it? But you make a valid point because why the static music? Because that doesn't make... Technically, it is depriving your senses of knowing what's going on and where you are or all that sort of stuff. So it's just not a good way of doing it. Let's ask the real question. Everyone's assuming.

What was the drugs they were on at this point? Oh yeah, they were on a lot of drugs. Is this like marijuana, cocaine, ice? Bucket bongs, I assume. Yes, I think there on a lot of drugs. Is this like marijuana, cocaine, ice? Bucket bongs, I assume. Yes, I think there was a lot of that. From seeing these people, there was a lot of long hair people. And one of the people that lived in there recorded an album

that we then bought from cash converters not long after. Is this the Avalanches? No, no, no. They recorded an album and the album cover was this guy kicking in his own front door and mere inches away from the sensory deprivation tank. Yeah. And his name was Harry Freak. So in the photo, the sensory deprivation tank isn't in shot,

but is it one of those covers where, you know, the image wraps around and continues on the back? Oh, yeah. And then you have the Deprivation Tank just hanging there with all the track listing written over the top of it. If it had been one of those gatefold covers, it would have been in shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it wasn't. It was just him kicking it. It just looked like a garbage bin on a crate. Yeah. You recorded your stand-up show in Brisbane the other day to put out as an album. Can you please make the cover you kicking in your own front door? Just no context to it outside of this discussion.

Yeah, and then when you actually open it up and put in the CD player, it's just static so you can create your own sensory deprivation thing. Sensory deprivation comedy. You recorded it for an album. That's what Carl's hour is, sensory deprivation, because it's so silent in there. You recorded it like an album because it's 1995 still, right? Yes.

Like a release of CD. Yes. Well, people do Netflix specials. I've never put out an album. I've always thought Harry Freak's one up on me. Yeah. I've got to get into cash converters. I've got to get that coverage.

It's always been something that annoyed you, yeah. Harry Freak. Even this guy with a sensory deprivation. He's always been three up on me. He's had his own album, A Sensory Deprivation, dang it, half a cop car. Speaking of the album, surely the cover's got to be you eating a sandwich of a certain kind.

Can I ask, what kind of genre was Harry Freak working in? Sort of sounds like Psycho Billy to me. No. Opera? It was pretty grungy. Okay, cool. Yeah, because this is like the 90s, isn't it? So this is like...

I remember because I had friends that would make fun of the album, would play it all the time and have a great laugh about it. I do remember one of the songs was called Breakfast with Dean about his friend Dean. Not Tiffany's brother. Yeah, who had a heroin overdose or a sensory deprivation overdose. And he's the jester. He never came out of the tank.

He used to laugh at that song. He must have been teased a bit as the name like freak as a kid. I believe that wasn't his real name. Oh, what? As if. Oh, no. Sorry to deprive you of that sense. Sorry to comedy deprive me, tank.

Boy, I heard there's some political train spotters tuning into this episode to get the real scuttlebutt about what goes on in the Senate and we're talking about a front yard in Ballarat in about 1992. Harry freaking two bins. I had a housemate who was, like, we were drinking. One of his mates dared him, said, oh, you couldn't spear tackle the front door.

And he's like, yeah, of course. You met him, my friend Blake, who was at Splendour. And he just ran head, like, shoulder first into the front door and created this massive hole, just broke the front door. Wile E. Coyote style. Yeah, and then he just hung a towel over it. Great. And that was our front door for two months.

Next time, I actually have a guest for you guys that I was going to try and bring today. Pauline Hanson. A few things happened in the media today. I mean, I don't know when you guys are going to play this, but I wore your shirt at the front of the Senate oh yes

when I was kissing Darren Hinch yes as you do right and we had a kind of marriage equality cake thing and all this thing happening he's a dual citizen as well

he is well who knows but then he comes to me and he says to me he goes oh I see the shirt and he goes oh I get it like the dum-dum club you know the Australian Senate

like thinking like he is not aware he is not aware oh, here's the shirt. And he goes, oh, I get it. Like the Dum Dum Club, you know, the Australian Senate. Like thinking like, ha. He is not aware. He is not aware. But he's also sort of more aware than anyone with that stuff. And I talked him into it. I said, no, no, no. Next time I'm here, you've got to come on with me. They're great guys.

I lied. Like a politician. And then I'm saying, by the end of this, the next time I'm on, we've got to get Darren Hinch on as well. Just to shame, shame, shame the end of this, next time we're on, we've got to get Deron Hinch on as well. Just to shame, shame, shame the podcast. Sure, sure. And that will just get Steve Weiss out to play. On the thing of the T-shirt, a lot of your fans have been hounding me

to try and get the T-shirt on. Have you been paying attention? Just to clear it up, I tried and he got knocked back. Great. So if you've got a more subtle T-shirt that doesn't blatantly say, like, I'm branding something. Well, even when I was bin-tancing, let's say, how are they like that?

Any option, it's this or that. Sam, like, at what age did you, like, know that you wanted to get into politics? Because my question is, we're talking about share houses and stuff. Is it a bit of a thing where, like, you know, like being younger and being a bit of a dickhead in share houses, is there anyone that you lived with that you're just worried like fuck they got some dirt they could come out on them as

well they're all involved in all that as well right but even non-politicians though like you know old school mates that have gone oh i remember the time yeah yeah yeah and they come out and they say things like they'll put on like my facebook and that and this and that and i'm like oh do you remember that time when we were smoking pot in someone's backyard and I'm like no I don't remember that at all like I'm like writing this

no I do not recall this that is not a memory I recall from all the pot smoking remember the time we stole the back half of a cop car

out of this house in Ballarat well I was doing this thing and you know Don Burke from Burke's Backyard yeah

so he was at this book event I was doing in Sydney and he says and he's there and he kind of asks a question. He goes, I remember you. You used to always come when you were 16 and you were always drinking in my backyard.

Oh. And I'm like, no, I don't remember that. You were getting pissed in Burke's Backyard. Yeah. Nice. I had a place in Jewel in Sydney. But why did you go to Don Burke's Backyard? His son went to school with my sister.

Right. Right. Right. Okay. Okay. Wow. Yeah. So once you got pissed and you walk out, would Don Burke give you the fact sheet about everything that you drunk that day?

Pretty much, pretty much. Tell us about, no, no, more kind of about the garden, you know, come and talk to us about it. Because I had a mate growing up that was very into politics and his dad was a politician in Maribor. And we would go to like parties, you know, when we were 18, 19, and he'd be doing something and someone would come up and go, I'm going to remember this when you're a politician in Maribor and we would go to parties when we were 18, 19 and he'd be doing something and someone would come up and go, I'm going to remember this when you're

a politician and he would shit his pants. Yeah, right. So did you – you never had to worry about – My rep is so bad that that's probably on brand for me. Right, right. Do you feel like sometimes in politics it's better to get on the front foot with stuff or you just hope that it never – you know what I mean? You make that call was it like arnold schwarzenegger

something during his campaign he talked about um like smoking weed because there was some politician who got was said that he uh inhaled but he didn't no no clinton said he'd smoke pot but he never inhaled right obama said when they asked him did you inhale he said that was the point yeah yeah right right right yeah so yeah do you think it's it's like yeah look here's the thing people actually don't care as long as you're upfront about it all right you know like i did you know we did loads of drugs in high school nothing too kind of serious yeah kind of mostly mostly to be honest it was kind of that shitty backyard marijuana that when you're 17 think think is really good and then you get to like university

and you realise what garbage you know you work so this is why you're paying for leaps the whole time holding my money back

you know something that someone had grown but you do all that but you know that's the kind of normal stuff and you always get

these police who kind of like brag about oh yeah I've never smoked marijuana that doesn't make you normal that makes you weird yeah that doesn't make

people like you that makes people go you had a not normal childhood. Like, yeah, you're lying or you're a freak. I have one thing that I feel like I should cut on the front foot off, which was something we discussed even before, was that there is a photo of me and a mate at a uni function where he's a white guy in blackface and I'm in whiteface. And I feel like with all the controversy

around Chris Williams. Is whiteface as offensive as blackface? I don't know. I'll feel this one. Yes. To me, yes. So I feel like I need to put that photo up front going, hey, here it is. Just please don't come after me at some point. Just make it your profile picture on Facebook. If that comes out, what do they think

what do you think is going to be taken away from you? Like what trouble are you going to get in? Or just that I'm culturally insensitive. Well, to be fair, a couple of years ago at the drunkest, I was in a Native American outfit. So that's probably more culturally insensitive. Again, just own it all. Get on the front foot with all of it.

Yeah, I think so. There's probably going to be photos coming out years from now of you in a little Dumb Dumb Club t-shirt and that'll be the worst. After what we do. With your trajectory, yeah, of course, with the career you've got. Come out early. Come out of the closet. Alright, I love penis.

So you first got into politics really when you were... Yeah, I got involved really young. So I got involved during the Republican referendum in 99. Oh, really? That was what got me involved. Because when you're an ethnic kid in Sydney, right, the idea that the head of state's the queen is just weird. Yeah.

Like, it's weird. Seriously, we're having this huge debate about dual citizens. Because you had no relation to the queen at that stage. No, no. We weren't even friends. Yeah. We never hung out. We never hung out.

No, you're Facebook friends. That's right. Different queen. You were pulling bongs with you're Facebook friends. That's right. Different queen. You were pulling bongs with her in Burke's backyard, I reckon. Wasn't Malcolm Turnbull leading the charge? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I met him for the first time then. I mean, he wouldn't remember me.

But yeah, so that's what kind of really got me involved. And you get, you know, and politics is, it's like comedy. It's a drug, right? Like once you get involved and your whole world becomes it, and politics is, it's like comedy, it's a drug, right? Like, once you get involved and your whole world becomes it and your social environment becomes it, your friends become it

and then you capture it and, you know, it's a career as well so it's a joy. Not that it's similar to comedy. I mean, you must see it happen. People get involved, they get the bug,

they get excited, they start getting involved and it kind of, and then you become Dool Rook, right? Like, you know? So you were in that, involved in that referendum.

Once you were on the losing side of it, you're like, fuck, I'm born for the Labour Party. Get into there. Woodham Sheik. You've been waiting for that joke. Woodham Sheik. Woodham Sheik.

Do you have like an ultimate kind of position? Like info in the comedy world would be like, I don't know, you know, getting on Conan or something. Was that their thing back in the day? Oh, that was my thing. Fuck, I was obsessed with Letterman when I was living in the Harry Freak house I taped

I taped every episode for three years I remember I missed watching three episodes in three years and that was it the whole time

I watched the Letterman finale with Carl and he was crying next to me it was really upsetting I teared up that was even before the show

was Letterman famous for like not being good to his guests? Yeah. What do you think Carl likes him? Shut up, cunt. Where do you think the inspiration came from? Top things I heard about Dilrub. So that's the ultimate.

Yeah, totally. So for you, do you have or do you want to put a ceiling on it? No, politics is really, the second you, I mean, I'm not going to be in it, wouldn't vote for me anyway. So the second you know you're not going to be Prime Minister, it's actually quite easy. Okay. You can do everything else.

Would that have been something when you first got into it? You just want to go, maybe that would be nice to. I've heard plenty of people say Sam Dastyari, PM, future PM. Bullshit. You've seen your Twitter feed, what happens when my name comes up. They go crazy. No, they don't. I've seen very, very,

very few negative terms about you. Everyone's always excited that you're The negative ones are all just me. I will say there's been a couple of times on Twitter where you've tagged us in stuff and it is a glimpse into... Oh, yeah. When that happens, I see the negative stuff. They're kind of freaks. Not from our band. Yeah, they come out of the backwater.

No, they come out. No, no, because this is what happens. You've got this sub... I mean, you obviously do a bit of work with the Persian. You see like the, I get the second worst hate. I get the second worst hate. The worst hate is there's a Muslim MP from Western Australia, Anne Ali, right? She gets the worst stuff of anyone. So I get all the kind of anti-Muslim, like people do things like, and Nazeem talks about this as well, like they send you bacon.

I get all this bacon in the mail. Right. Like, ooh, you fucking showed me. Drawed on to Dilrub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll send it to Dilrub. Yeah, I'll give him my address. No, no, Dilrub doesn't give anyone else bacon.

Let's be clear about that. That's why, just send it to me. He's not wasting his shit on anyone. And the idea of being a non-practicing Muslim is so crazy for people. Yeah. Right. Which is bizarre because everyone's a non-practicing Christian that I know, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I keep getting sent back to me photos of me having beers at pubs going, ha-ha, exposed. Gotcha. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Like I'm a non-practicing Muslim. Yeah, yeah. Like most of my friends. All these people go, you know, all my hardcore Christians and this and that,

you kind of feel something. Well, mate, you're honestly telling me none of these people masturbated or had sex before marriage? Like, come on. Everyone's some differing degree of non-practicing. Yeah, yeah.

So no, I get the... I get hate. I get a lot of... I get the kind of really anti-Muslim hate. And I bait it as well a bit by stuff I do. Masturbate.

Anne gets all of that. Plus the female politicians get the really creepy kind of... Oh, yeah, yeah. They get the really sexual stuff again very similar to comedy once again it's a bit rapey

I don't know if female comedians get the same thing they get these really kind of Tommy Tommy what do you get oh mate all sorts just all sorts

but I I look for it yeah say hey g'day mates to me g'day mates yeah I mean it would be I reckon you've tagged us in before and I've done this many times where you've tagged us in and all of a sudden hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, air, which I don't know when it will be, I'm going to do a post where I'm going to say it is great to see some proud Australians that will stand up for Muslims. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go for it. And tag you guys. I run the Twitter account, so tag us all in. So it's all going to come to us.

Tag these two. That'll do. Because I think I've said this on the pod. My mum's a Muslim and I grew up in a Muslim house. My brother and I were the old – there was like 14 people. Is that why you're not drinking beer anymore? No, no, no. No, I'm making it up through bacon.

Don't worry about that. But I – yeah, it was interesting because I grew up as a non-Muslim in a very Muslim house. So I've said this on the pod as well. Ramadan was the month I'd put on the most amount of weight because I'd wake up with the family for Sahar, which is where they eat before the fasting starts. I'd eat with them, but then go to school, have breakfast, lunch, then break fast with them, and then have dinner, like five meals, and just stack it over 30 days. Have it a bit each way. I was like, oh, we really nailed Ramadan this year, Mum.

We've Ramadan-ed again. Now I weigh a rum-a-ton. And that was how Tommy became an ISIS target. We're going to make the papers. Oh, please amuse that as a short title

next year. He's rum-a-done it again. Do it more into ISIS cream. This is good stuff. And, you know, but it's funny for me then to sort of know what the average Muslim's like. Like, you know, my uncles used to drink. They'd still pray and all that.

But it's that they're practising Muslims who still like to be chilled out, you know, to have a few drinks and talk shit. Hedging their bets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So it's like, it's that weird thing of almost, I'm like, oh, should I start telling people about how, like, relaxed my folks are? Having said that, like, my grandma was kind of full on as well about growing up in a house as a non-Muslim

because she was very much like, because my mum kind of broke a lot of the house rules by marrying a non-Muslim and having children with them. But your comedy hero was Letterman. Yeah. Who was your comedy hero, Tommy? Probably Conan. Yeah.

What about you, Derek? Probably, I would say between, oh, Eddie Murphy was the first one, I guess, and then Conan, I would say. Yeah, but Eddie in retrospect is a bit homophobic now. A bit? Why do you think I like him? Okay, my comedy hero was Rowan Atkinson. Vote no, vote no, vote no? Why do you think I like him? Okay, one more comedy hero was

Ron Atkinson. Vought no, Vought no, Vought no. Because I look like him, right? Right. That's so fucked up. He's my hero because I look like him. No, no, I do look like him as well. Screw you.

I don't care for his comedy. This is like behind the candelabra. Something about Mr Bean just makes me horny. I want to tell you what, this mirror's pretty cool too. We saw you trying to run down a three-wheeled car before Let me tell you guys a story So about when you guys were doing your podcast festival thing Which you were the only podcast at it, right? Yes, correct

Just checking Very successful So it was your own festival Which was really just a junket That you managed to write off as some kind of a work expense. Brilliant. No, we didn't write anything off. People paid us to do it.

I head off to London and I get off the plane. You and Teddy. Yep. I'll stop. I get off the plane now It's been a Was there a kid Who handed your vomit bag to you?

It's a long trip It's a long trip I've taken sleeping pills The plane's got three wheels Anyway I've taken sleeping pills I've drunk an obscene amount of alcohol I get off on the plane

One of my mates meets me And he goes to me We're here What do you want to do? We're in London And I was there for about a week or so And I said And you couldn't say anything

Because you're not allowed to talk in the shows. So I say I have to meet Rowan Atkinson. So I start getting on Twitter and Facebook and I start doing this whole, I've got to meet Rowan. I've got to meet Rowan. I want to meet Rowan Atkinson. The guy's not on social media. He's not on Twitter.

He's not on Facebook. He's not on anything. He doesn't do any of that stuff. He hardly ever talks. No. And he's this kind of obscure guy. So I'm running around on social media saying, does anyone know Rowan, blah, blah, blah, this and that.

And I was trying to get something, you know, I was trying to meet him. And I get all these emails and then we hit the town and so we absolutely kind of make drunk. Some guy emails me, you know, someone runs a charity, says, my mate Richard's going to call you in the morning, blah, blah, blah. So the phone rings in the morning, right,

and I'm completely maggot, jet you know hungover you had that day where you sneezed on the panty of Whistler's mother and you had to find a replacement absolutely knackered so I end up I just go Richard's on the phone and he goes to me oh look yeah look I know you know I know Rowan you know this and I assume this guy is like, I don't know, some assistant to him or something, right? So I'm trying to talk myself up. I'm saying, oh, look, I'm kind of a big deal in Australia. I've got a book coming out. I don't want to brag, but I'm responsible for a kebab product.

I occasionally go on podcasts. I'm really talking myself up. And this guy, Richard, he goes, how do you know him? I go to this guy, Richard, how do you know Rowan? He's my dad. And he goes, oh, he goes, how do you know him? I go, this guy, Richard, how do you know Rob? He's my dad. And he goes, oh, we kind of went to college, university together. And I knew him from there. We did a bit of work together.

And then I went off into movies and he went off and did his own thing. And I'm like, oh, wow, you're in movies. Oh, awesome. Oh, hang on. Did you say his name is Richard? Yeah. Don't skip ahead. I've figured it out.

I got anything I would have heard of. Yeah. And he goes, yeah, look, look I mean I'm probably most famous for four weddings and a funeral but you probably know love actually and I go

anyway it's Richard Curtis it's Richard Curtis and then I feel like this dickhead I'm trying to talk myself out I'm saying mate

I've written a book and I've got a kebab product this guy wrote Bridget Jones' diary so anyway long story short

he didn't write no well he wrote the screenplay oh the screenplay. Oh, the screenplay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Jeez.

No, but he's got a fair bound. Because Bridget Jones wrote it. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, long story short, Rowan did not meet me. He also wrote Anne Frank's diary as well. But he did send me two teddies, one for charity, one for me. Oh, yes. Oh, wow.

And a little note that tells me that he's not my daddy oh that's awesome so hang on so atkinson's just sitting there with a room full of teddy bears just ready to go for situations like honestly i reckon his agent has a bunch of them yeah yeah send it to charities whoever tries to contact yeah yeah that's um but he doesn't meet with people he just doesn't doesn't do that like he's very apart from car he doesn't do that. Like he's very, apart from car racing, he's kind of. Yeah, because he's an odd

one in that, you know, when he's in Mr. Bean, he like plays up, you know, him looking weird. But then when he

tries to go debonair, you go, oh, I can see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like his

daughters are like hot. They're like models. No, no, no, that's a rumor. Gemma Atkinson, that was like a meme

that went around saying this is Ron Atkinson's daughter. No, no, no, no, I'm not going for that i want to fuck little miss bean he moved in across the street i'm pretty sure his daughter is a mom when they put her when they put her in the sensory deprivation tank but like for me as well i would say mr bean i until you said it didn't realize that was like a big influence of of mine where I would stand in front of the mirror,

try to mimic his faces, and him and Jim Carrey. And then remember the live, Ron Atkinson live, the one-man show that he did? Yeah, yeah. I knew it by heart. Oh, me and my mate. Which Richard Curtis wrote, by the way. Yeah, yeah, right.

And there's like an Indian waiter character that is now, in hindsight, very offensive. Yeah. It's just him wobbling his head saying papadum. Me and my mate used to piss ourselves. That thing, that bit where he's in, he's at church and they're doing the hymns and he doesn't have the words. We used to have to sing that in chapel every now and then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you met Conan? No. You didn't meet him when you couldn't, I don't know how it works, how these things work. Yeah, you send him on Twitter, you meet Jimmy Fallon and go, how do you know Conan? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, this guy called me Andy meet Jimmy Fallon and go, how do you know Conan?

Well, this guy called me Andy and I was like, oh, what have you been? And he's like, oh, I'm on the couch next to Conan. It was Andy Richter. But I heard a rumour years ago, and I've never looked into this. I've just kind of remembered this, that there's this urban legend that Rowan Atkinson, in between his big project, he would go and be a truck driver for

months on end, just to kind driver for months on end just to kind of like clear his head and just to kind of like, you know, wanted to kind of get back to the, you know, get back to like what the people do and stuff like that. Is this a thing in comedy? Like comedians and I don't know if this is from an outside and like this kind of sense of like the sad clown. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I think years ago when I first got into comedy, people were like, oh, there's heaps of nutcases in comedy. And I would go, no, there's not. Everyone's quite normal. You realise that you're the one who's here. If you ask me now, I've completely flipped my opinion on that. I think there's plenty of fucking nutcases in comedy now. Nothing like politics.

Friend of the show, Harley Breen, has met Rowan Atkinson because he was an extra on Scooby-Doo movie and apparently was wearing some sort of mask that was really hot or something like that. He was Rowan Atkinson's stunt double. What? No, that's Sam. Wasn't he?

No, I think he was like a monster or something. He was an extra. Him and Claire Hooper's husband. That's where they met and they became good pals. And, yeah, apparently Rowan had asked him, how was it under there? Is it hot? And Carly had gone, oh, mate, it's fucked.

And he found that funny. And it was so awkward. Like you can imagine Harley in that Aussiest voice. Atkinson would be up there as like perhaps more than anyone would be so hard to go out in public because he because everyone knows that show because the whole thing of that show was anyone can enjoy this any age doesn't matter if you speak english or not like anyone can get into it and plus he's so like he's so distinct looking that'd be a huge problem wouldn't it for you guys being able to go out in the street just being you know recognized

like that yeah we're an audio medium so but like once you once you order something at Macca's there's people around you going that's them! And then it's like Beatlemania in there. You know how you get trolls on Twitter and stuff? Do you get people yelling shit at you if they see you in real life? Normally fans of this show. People go, hey, do you care?

Why do they think that's... Can't really blame that on us. Some of it. But it's kind of like the most, seriously, like this is like your fans. Like how did you build this reputation where it's like okay to hate you? Like that is your brand with your fans. Yeah, we wish we knew because it would be great to somehow undo it. It's because you keep going each other and your guests and they're going,

oh, that's what they're into. Let's do the same. Does it ever get you down? Do you ever kind of? Totally. All the time. Social media, people are just like, why are you so mean to me? And you see the truth in them because, like, and again,

they're just so nice when I meet them. It's like this weird thing that they think it's fun to continue to hang shit on you guys, but then they come to my shows and they're very lovely, normal nerds. I sometimes go onto other podcasts' social media pages and look at how their fans treat them and go, oh, that'd be nice. Yeah, in person

most people are cool. It's online. Yeah, it's online, I think. Just these fucking people that just have this... And also just a bad read of the relationship, I guess. You know what I mean? It's gone... Because it's such a personal chat. But even with you on this,

people will see a side of you, I guess, that's a bit more relaxed and stuff, and it all of a sudden becomes more accessible and makes you feel like... We're doing to you right now what Jimmy Fallon did to Trump. Yeah, let me scuffle your hair a bit there, little boy. Are we going to do the next podcast in the

sensory tank? Yeah. That's what you should do. I'd love it. That's when you've jumped the shark when the podcast just gets too crazy. Tommy, you were meant to come with me for one of the – I was like – I'll do a gravity float. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I want to do it.

Aren't they better to do when it's like warm weather or something? Because it's like you want it to match like outside. Do you know when we get like the pen and paper we can write down ideas? Yeah, yeah. I told it to Tommy and he got annoyed with me because I said, what a great place to write material yeah you're meant to switch off and do nothing and this guy's writing gear in there no but it's built into the system where you if you get a creative spark that to be able to write it because you're you're sort of you know

in a meditative state where you're starting to tap you know tap into your sub once you're in the tank though how do you have rooms to move your arms don't aren't you like jack off you mean is this zero gravity is really turning me on what a way to find out that that's your kink and then you come out there and it's just you become focused on becoming an astronaut it's purely a sexually driven thing and the worst bit is there's they've got a camera in there just in case you're not like fucking you know drowning or something yeah and there's some guy who's got this video of you just jack it off and writing material at the same time that must have been a really good joke i've got the close to my show oh my god is it so with comedy with this you know we've we've got our weird listeners we've got to say

can i just say very quickly i freak out when I'm in hotels and I go to do a bit of that because I think there must be hotels out there where they're doing – there just must be. Statistically, there must be dodgy hotels where they're filming all the rooms that they've got here on camera. I'm going to let you in on a secret. There may be, but footage of you jacking off is not exactly like internet gold.

I know in the back of my head. No one's going to make a lot of money selling that on the internet. No one's going to go, oh, we're going to upload that and that's going to get a million views. There's a difference between a celebrity sex tape and a sex tape. The other day I was, again, this is way TMI, but I was in front of the laptop and I've started to get that paranoia of like I've got to tape up the camera.

I've got to tape up the camera any time I'm doing this. And so I couldn't find any tape. All I could find was like a big thing of Blu-Tack. So I put Blu-Tack over the camera but then the next time I went to open my laptop, I couldn't open it. It was sealed like that. I couldn't get it open.

And it wasn't a Blu-Tack, it was a spur. Like in magazines. Honestly, it was like five minutes where I was trying to pry the laptop open and I was like, am I going to have to go into the genius bar to go, look, I was jacking off and I covered up the camera with a big one of blue tacks. Is that the new version of what you used to do in the old days when you'd go up the bush and find old pornos up the bush? Find old laptops and stack together up the bush?

What was going on in Ballarat that was just pornos in the bush? Yeah, that was an old country thing, definitely. Really, what, did you just go share your pornos up the bush. Find old laptops and stack together up the bush. Hang on, what was going on in Ballarat? There was just pornos in the bush? Yeah, that was an old country thing, definitely. Really,

what, you just go share your pornos and share the bush? Yeah, you go just past the half a police car, keep walking

and you'll find big jugs monthly. It's kind of considerate. Yeah. So there was like communal... Yes, because there used to be

like there was comic books at one age obviously and then it turned into pornos and then people leave old pornos up the bush. I didn't even grow up here and I knew that. Yeah, how can you claim to be as a politician a man of the people and not know about the experience of playing porno up the bush?

Not all of us got our porno from Burke's backyard. Because I'm an inner city walker from Sydney and nowhere near Lakemba Mosque was this happening. Right, right, right. Well, next election, guys, I promise you, more pornos up the bush. If I get in. And that's a pun that works on so many levels. That's not the SBS slogan.

That's how you win over the rural voters. More pornos up the bush. Can you call the next book Inner City Wog? That's got a nice ring to it. I didn't even think you would. I had an internet competition to name my book. What? You what's that?

One Halal of a Story. It was an internet competition. And that one, the name that I wanted came second, which was You Had Me at Halal. And what came third, which my wife said she'd leave me if I named my book, was... I fucked another woman. Fucking spoiler alert on the cover of this one.

Look, I'm like your wife. That's fair enough. It's like Lone Survivor, that movie. You just knew the end of the movie. It's weird that the publisher were cool with it, but your wife wasn't. I'm not even going to say it now. It's not going to be anywhere near it.

Let's have it. It was Halal in the Streets, Haram in the Sheets. Yeah. I like it. Apparently not as good as what you know. I feel like that was a Tommy Dessler original in the Halal Snack Pack. I've posted that in the Halal Snack Pack Appreciation Society.

You're just stealing gear from the podcast, Nancy. Someone suggested the title that actually got through. What'd they win? A book. We went all out. Can I get a copy of the book, by the way? Yeah, it's in all padded good bookstores. Like 30 bucks.

Very nice. So wait, because we're in it. We get mentioned in there, right? You guys got taken out. Oh, what? How did I told you? On the cutting room floor. You know what I told us is?

The only reason we did this fucking interview is because we thought we were in there. Well, now this is never going to happen. Oh, have you not heard what happened? No. No. Firstly, screw you guys. It's been in Bookstores for a couple of weeks, right? We were waiting for our free copy.

At no point did you – Right? It's been in Bookstores a couple of weeks. I'm all these, like, fucking national tour. You invite me on your podcast to talk about it, and you haven't even purchased, let alone read it. Yeah, that's very fair. That's very fair.

What did you expect from these two guys anyway? So I put a couple – oh, I was going to give – so it was in the draft. There was a couple of paragraphs about you guys and your podcast and that. And then the editor crossed it out and wrote the words, not funny. And this guy gets it. Which I thought was very on brand. I think he's been on our iTunes reviews as well, this guy. Which I thought was very on brand. There think he's been on our iTunes reviews as well. Which I thought was very on brand. I want this guy's name and number.

Let's go after him. Get this guy on Twitter. What's his Twitter handle? More like Random Shithouse. But you did get them into Parliament. What's that called? Yeah, we got them into Hansard. Oh, yeah, that was good. We get them into Parliament. What's that called? Yeah, we got them into Hansard. Oh, yeah, that was good.

We got you into Parliament. That was a great day. What's the word Hansard? Hansard's the... Oh, yuck. No, that's Hanson and that's the wrong Hanson. But Hansard's like the official journal of Parliament. Right, right.

So the names Tommy Dessler, Carl Chandler from the Little Dum Dum Club is in the... Yep, I got it. Can you write me some material? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People like, a couple of people pulled me up afterwards

and go, oh, stop trying to be funny. It's not... So you wrote for Sam, good coin? It was worth it to get into hands up. You wrote me a bit

which was when Nazeem was in... So I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. I was doing some kind of like, I was trying to make it topical. It was something about migration, multiculturalism and Muslims and this and that. And it was something about Nazeem.

And we kind of made a joke about the white nationalists trying to get him out. And it was actually pretty funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It did well online. I think it was like 100,000 views or something. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah.

No, I was very happy to be – sometimes you get to write for TV shows and whatever, but writing for Parliament, I was like, fuck yeah. We don't even pay you. Yeah, that's fine. What were the ones that got rejected? Do you remember what Carl wrote that you didn't want to use? No. The stuff you sent me, there were swear words in it.

Really? Do you know what a swear in Parliament? Depends what you're swearing. No. Didn't Christopher Pine almost say the C word? No. He claims that he didn't use the word C-U-N-T. He said a card or something like that.

He called him a card. But it didn't make any sense if that's what he said. But the place is crazy. I mean, people walk into the Senate now just wearing burkas. Yeah. So I was texting you while that was going on. Because we were on our way to a meeting and that. So I was texting you while that was going on and that was it because we were on our way to a meeting and that happened when I was on the tram.

Like it all broke on Twitter and I was like, this cannot be real. This looks photoshopped. This looks ridiculous. It's insane. And so the person we were meeting was like, I'm going to be 15 minutes late. And we were like, it's fine. We've got our plate more than full at the moment. Just for people who don't live in Australia, at the moment all we've said is, oh, parliament's

fucked. People walk in wearing burqas. Not legitimate burqas. People are taking the piss. Pauline Hanson, who's a fucking insane politician. I don't want to give her that credit that she's insane. She's just dumb as all fuck. She's far right.

Not even, like, still voted for her, basically. Fish and chip shop owner somehow turned Senate member. Yeah, on her very sort of extreme politics of even recently wanting to stop autistic kids to be in the same school. But hang on, do you have international listeners? Yes. Can you track this all down on your kind of list? What percentage of your people, who will be listening to this podcast? Isn't it like 25% is overseas?

Yeah, US is like 20%, I think. Really? Yeah. You guys are big in America. Yeah. Well, not big, but we've got people there. Yeah, yeah. People are aware of you.

Yes. Exactly. 20% of 100 isn't that much. It's about 20. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. They just love the Aussie accent.

Because it's such inside Australia jokes. At the Thailand podcast, there were a couple of overseas listeners that flew into Thailand, which was amazing. You're kidding. That is awesome. Totally. That is really impressive. Hey, technically I'm an international listener.

No, but I guess podcasts are a bit more, you know, I mean people come here from America and, you know, they sell out bloody stadiums here for podcasts. Podcasts are just universal. So we've had a bunch of American comedians on our show and I think that that's how those people find that out and all that sort of stuff.

This will probably go to air after you've done Sydney? We don't know. Might be next week. Sydney went great. Sydney was awesome. 14th of September doing Sydney. I wanted to go, Parliament's sitting and for me to go I have to write

to the Liberal Party and ask for permission to get a pair A pair of balls? So if you want to miss Parliament You know how it works? A pair? It's called a pair How do you spell it? P-A-I-R I know English is my second language It shouldn't be that hard

Carl's on this show and he's learning But you realise the sentence you're saying doesn't make sense spell it? P-A-I-R. P-A-I-R. I know English is my second language. It shouldn't be that hard. Carl's on this show and he's learning. No, but you realise the sentence you're saying doesn't make sense to non-poly people who don't understand. So you need to write a sentence to get a pair. No, no, no. Okay, what happens is, right, so if someone from one party is going, then you have to get someone from the opposite party to also miss

that session with you. So for you to fuck off, you've got to get someone else to fuck off. You've got to get an agreement that they fuck off too because that way then you're not down to vote because the vote will be the same. So how does that go? But the podcast is at night time.

No, Thursday night. You know we sit for like a few minutes a time. You know nothing about Australia. So what you could... We have year 6 and year 7 students who come to yeah you know nothing about Australia so what you could not we have high school we have year 6 and year 7 students right who come to parliament

and know more about this than you guys yeah it's very high school here but I don't know how the Sri Lankan government works either so let's break this

down so for you to come to our podcast you would have to go to someone on the other side and go look I want to go to a

podcast can you go and get fish and chips tonight you have to because all that gets done in writing you have to write to all that gets done in writing.

You have to write to the opposition or government whip and say, I am requesting a pair and this is my reason. And then he says, what's a pair? So now all these terms that will mean the opposite. The person who's responsible in their party for their people showing up and voting, you write to them and you say, what is your reasoning? What reason do you need? So normally people write things like, look,

it's my child's fifth birthday party and I want to be there or so-and-so is giving birth or this or that. I just felt like writing to them and saying, I have these dickhead friends that want to do a podcast in Sydney. Probably wouldn't do that. No, no. Wow. I mean, if you want to do it,

if that Liberal Party person has to take time off, I think TOEFOP's on at the same time. We could try and get them a comp to that or something. We could work something out. Yeah, totally. Is that the real reason? How big is it? How big's the room?

Pretty big. Yeah, 400 or 500. Jeez, that's huge. It's nearly full. Really? Yeah. And you know how you can get in? There's a website where you can buy a ticket.

That is incredible. That is amazing. Seriously, that is incredible. That is impressive. I wonder if this is huge, isn't it? If this does come out before the Sydney show, I wonder if we give a shout out

to any Liberal Senators out there that could then come along with you. Maybe they could share the car ride from Canberra to Sydney. Oh, so they put in for it

so then you don't have to ask for the night. Is that how it works? No, no. If you both go in at the same time like you did that video with Pauline as well

where you had shared a beer and stuff like that so another little stunt like that did you no yes

she gave you like there was a video I forget what it was called where you like had like a brown paper bag of goodies and stuff that you shared with each other

what am I thinking of then I swear I swear I saw something where you were doing a more chilled out kind of chat with her. No, we had a fight on camera where Ike said that she's all about her love of Vladimir Putin

and we're screaming at each other. You have seen so much shit over the years that that's your idea of a pleasant conversation? This podcast is broken. You're a broken man. by political standards everyone's like oh my god

that was the most outrageous interaction and Turing's like you guys were so lovely to each other I think you're so nice I've been abused

so much on this podcast and I just think that's how mates check is this a support group this looks cool they must really like each other those two

so imagine if you could walk hand in hand with Pauline Hanson to the Sydney Opera House to watch the Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah, that's right. Wow. Get her up. We'll get her up on the show. That'd be good.

Griller on stage. You get ratings. You get ratings. Yeah, look, I'd love it. You lose a lot of fans, but you get some. She did Jim Jefferies' show. Yeah, that went really well for her. Did it?

No. He's killing it, too. it No He's killing it too Yeah He's killing it You've never had him On the podcast have you No We don't know him

And he doesn't come To Australia probably Very much anymore So he's too big You guys are getting Americans now You've got American fans Come on

Yeah we went to America And got Australian guests on So that's That's how well we're going You've got Americans as well We've got a couple on John Oliver Have you ever tried to get him No Mr Bin Have you tried him We want to get Trevor Noah And we're going You've got Americans as well We've got a couple on John Oliver Have you ever tried to get him?

No Mr. Bean Have you tried him? We want to get Trevor Noah and we're in the same room as Ronnie Chang Ronnie wouldn't even introduce us to him

Really? Yeah that's because it's Ronnie right? Yeah totally Well I think we'd better wrap this up for another week of the little dum-dum club Sam Dastyari

Senator Sam Dastyari Thank you so much for joining us Great to be here The book One Halal of a Story is out Which you're not in. These guys are not in.

Yeah, we know. Get into bookshops. Write us into it. Are there any comics like Nazeem who got a cop dimension? No. Ben Law wrote something for the cover. It's not really a comic, but he's a mate. Yeah.

Anyone on the podcast? No. Benjamin Law. Benjamin Law. If you see the book in some stores, maybe get a photo of it. Do you have that little glossy bit in the middle where you've got photos? I've got photos in the back. Yeah.

So maybe if you're listening to this and you're in an airport and you see the book there or something, just stick a photo of us in the inside back cover so that we're in there in some way. Oh, yeah. Or you know what? Take out a notebook, get your pen out, write a mention of us, and then just wedge it into the book.

Stick it, yeah. Like the toilets. Yeah. Stick it on paper. Is Yeah, like the toilets. Yeah, stick it on. Is this toilet thing really happening? Yeah. So people are writing, not just you guys doing it on the fake Twitter accounts. No, no, no, no, no. I like how you find it so hard to believe, the lack of respect you have for this podcast,

that people could even bother to write our name on a toilet wall. Even that you think is too good for us. It's the least anyone can do. But I'm a genuine fan. I invited myself onto this podcast. You did. That's really how I got onto this podcast. I started listening to you guys. No, you think is too good for us. It's the least anyone can do. But I'm a genuine fan. I invited myself onto this podcast. That's really how I got onto this podcast.

I started listening to you guys. No, you didn't invite yourself on. You started, you were coming along. You bought a ticket to come along

and then I found out you were coming and so then I invited you on. Well, the person who told me about you guys was raving about you was your old house,

I don't know if he's still your housemate, Tom Baller. And we were doing something up in Newcastle. Oh, is that how you got into it? Yeah, he was raving about it. Because I started listening to his podcast, which we will not mention other podcasts.

Oh, that's fine. Like a six-year-old, I think it's called. Yeah. Yeah. But it's less regular than you guys. It's not. Yeah. He's got more shit going on.

I barely know. I mean, the only time I ever noticed him is wearing your shirts nice there we go very good very nice but yeah no totally

we are trying to get that grassroots movement of people putting ads for us in public toilets so write listen to Little Dumb Dumb Club on the wall

of the toilet or the dispenser or the back of the door but also on top of that if you're in an airport if you're in a bookshop write your new little chapter

about little paragraph about Little Dum Dum Club. Wedge it into Sam's book. Buy one, obviously, and then wedge it into another book. Yes. This is a great endorsement from three people who have not bought or read my book. Hey, I'll buy one once I'm in there. So if people do this, I'll buy a copy.

These guys are technically media. You need to give a media copy to them or something like that. That's fine. I'll buy it. You don't have to beg for me to get a copy i'm doing all right i'm just saying that's very off-brand yeah uh dillrug people can see you on utopia yeah and also uh well hopefully when this comes out uh the channel 10 show that i did with pete hellyer called cram will be out with uh virginia previous guest of the show Virginia Gay.

We'll have shit going on, mate. So if people can tune into that and say nice things, that would be great. Otherwise, just on the social medias at Dilrub J. Great. Thanks very much for listening, everyone. We've got all of our stuff on sale now, heaps of live shows coming up, T-shirts at littledumbdumbclub.com. Check it out.

If you're in a capital city, we are coming to you at some stage, so go to littledumbdumbclub.com. Guys, thanks so much for're in a capital city, we're coming to you at some stage. So go to littledumbdumbclub.com. Guys, thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And finally, we're out of that garbage and into the real stuff. What a wonderful time we had recording that episode. Yeah. I remember it as if it was a week and a half ago.

So, as we said up the top of the show, we received a number of kind of, you know, a bit of feedback in the last couple of weeks in particular. I think the thing that rattled us was people saying they were trying to get their friends to listen and on numerous occasions had people go, what is this? I cannot be bothered getting through this. This is just people making bad puns about other people's names,

which, look, which is all true, which is all true and completely fair. Which usually when we get bad feedback, when we get negative feedback, one of us will just send it to the other person and then the other person will go, what a cunt, who the fuck is this? But this time you sent it to me and I went, yeah, fair enough, and you go, yeah, I agree. It's pretty hard to come back from because that's the thing. We think this bit is really funny and I think there's a lot

of long-time listeners who think it's funny too. But you have to have been listening for a little while to kind of get it. It does make sense for us to put this bit up the back of the show. Yes. It is because, you know what, because it is the best bit. It's like chocolate mousse. You don't want to put it at the start of the meal. You want to put it at the end.

It's like anal. You don't open with it. Yeah. That's where you go to in the end. I guess that's a philosophy. Not for everyone. But okay, that's your style. Fair enough. So we everyone, but okay. That's your stuff. Fair enough. So,

we need to do this. We need to read out some names and say thank you to these people who, in their contributions, have supported the episode that you just heard. Exactly. Now, like we said at the top, this is some of the people that have chipped in and get some of these bonus things, and on top of that is they

get their name read out, and there is a bit of a backlog, so some people do join up and immediately expect their name to be read out and that's not going to happen. I'm going to say this. I think at one point I was doing a thing where I was kind of like listing the things that I had put the Patreon money towards that week. Right. So this week's Patreon supporters, what you contributed to was the $20 in parking that

I had to pay out the front of Trades Hall on Ligon Street when we did this episode. Oh, for this episode? Yeah. $20? Yeah. Fucking hell. Yeah. Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that, Tom.

I was there for a while because I did other stuff afterwards, but it's all part of the thing. Yeah. So that's what you contributed to, guys. I'm so... Some of your sweet, hard-earned finances going straight into the council's pocket. Yeah, well, well done.

Well done, guys, for chipping into those absolute, obsolete middlemen up there in government. Now that we're doing this at the end of the show, how many do you reckon we should do this week? Well, if we've changed the position of this, I reckon we change the number. Sure. All right? I reckon we do five. Okay, cool. Okay, if we've changed the position of this, I reckon we changed the number. Sure. Alright. I reckon we do five. Okay. Cool.

I can't remember off the top of my head how many we normally do at the start of the show, but five seems... I'm actually a bit thrown, a bit excited by this whole different change of direction. Yes. Yes. Yeah, doing it at the end, doing five, everything's different. Fuck. Alright. Maybe this bit will actually be funny now. Evolution. Wow.

It's like they say, a dog can change its spots. What if now that this is at the end of the show, this bit becomes so good that then the listeners are begging us to put it back at the start? They go, people start complaining, get rid of that fucking interviewee type fucking bullshit. It throws all my friends off. I do like the idea that we just split this into two podcasts.

And so we put the regular episode up on Wednesday and then a little 20-minute one goes up on Friday that's just Patreon. Wow. I keep thinking we should do a bonus midweek one. Well, the regular one is midweek, but a second one in a week just to give a bit of a present to people. We did one on Christmas Day last year that we put up with zero fanfare and it has basically no downloads.

Oh, really? No one knew it was out. Great. So if you go back and look through the feed, there is like a half-hour one that we put up on Christmas Day. Oh, wow. It's sitting there waiting for you if you've gone through all the other ones. Oh, that's funny.

I forgot we even did that. Yeah. So did all the listeners. Yeah, yeah, right. Fair enough. All right, let's do this. Let's do it. Count do count them down five to go okay five patreon subscribers all right number one here is a you know what here is it not only someone that's active on the socials that's um but we personally know oh okay great yeah someone we've we've we've grown to know and love through the show someone we we know. Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber number one this week, Lisa Storer.

Ah, Lisa Storer. Yeah. Old, old friend of the show. Storzy. She was at our very first live show. She was. She was. How do we know Storzy?

She turned up. No, but like she was going to comedy gigs before we started this. Like did we know her before we started this show? Oh, I think maybe vague. I don't think so. I think we met her before we started this show? I think maybe vague. I don't think so. I think we met her through the podcast. Okay. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

I always had a feeling she was one of those people from Studio A, but maybe I'm wrong. Oh, maybe. You might be right. I do remember this much. She turned up to the very first live podcast that we did at Soft Belly, and I think in the previous weeks before that on the show, we'd been saying, bring along your team, Chandler team.

Who do you like more? That was a big point of contention early on in the show. And really in the end, it was no one liked either of us because no one brought any signs except for Lisa Storer. Ah, right. Yeah, great. Yeah, so she was the only person to bring a sign. She's been at many a drunk cast over the years.

Yes. Yeah, always, always enjoy a good old yarn with old Storzy. Storzy, that's it. It's interesting when, for the most part, we don't know people's names and we kind of like make fun of them, but then every now and then there'll be someone that we know and we just reminisce about how we know them. That's fine.

Boring for us and them. No, but that's interesting. She brought the sign to the very first one. What do you think you'd say about if you just saw the name Lisa Storer and you didn't know her? Storer, I hardly know her. I would say thank you for storing that money in our bank account. There you go.

Great. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Storzy. Thanks, Storzy. Now, here's some cunt I fucking never heard of. So just to mix it up. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

But what a name. Thank you to Clifford Lobb. Oh, hell yeah. Clifford Lobb. Now, I always find this interesting. When the first name is dramatically longer than the second. Very English. It just always looks very... It looks off balance

on the sheet of paper. And also, no need... Do we need to go with Clifford in 2017? Cliff Lobb. Yeah. Cliff Lobb. Cliff Lobberd. Mm-hmm.

Lobb, just... Clifford. Lobbing a nice fiver straight in our back pocket every month. Thanks, Clifford. Lobbing yourself off the cliff. Yeah. Because the Westgate isn't in easy access. Yeah, don't ever lob yourself off the cliff. And at the very least, be one of these people we've talked about a few times.

Put us in the inheritance. Come on. Yes, yes. Come on. Lobbing yourself off a cliff like a certain son that we're very familiar with. I don't know what you're talking about. Just grow up, Tommy. Okay, maybe grow up a bit.

Maybe grow up a bit. So just grow up, Tommy. Okay, maybe grow up a bit. Maybe grow up a bit. See, now I feel like we can be a lot more in-jokey in this because it's – you know what I mean? I feel like it's not getting in the way. We're literally making an in-joke between us two and none of the listeners, though.

Yes. Fuck. It's an in-joke that we make between ourselves that we will never explain. But I, you know, I wouldn't have gone down this avenue if I knew this was getting in the way of the actual episode. No way I would taint the beginning ten minutes of the show with this. So now you're teaching the listeners a lesson. Now they want to back up the front.

Switch off, yeah. Thanks, Clifford. Thanks, Cliff. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Cassie Strachan. Strachan? Yeah. Strachan. S-T-R-A-C-K-E-N? No. H instead of the K. Strachan. Very Scottish. Strachen. Stracken. Yeah. Stracken. S-T-R-A-C-K-E-N?

No. H instead of the K. Stracken. Very Scottish. Ah, Stracken. Yeah. I like it. Very Scottish, like a certain Dave Callen we know.

He might know her. And Cassie without an E on the end of Cassie. Cass-I. Yeah. Cass-I Strachan, you could say. She sold that E like a drug dealer to fund this Patreon subscription. Great. I like subscription. Great. I like it.

Yep. She's dealing E's to give us a bit of… D. Dollars. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Because I thought D meant something else.

Well, I mean, it can. Yeah. Would you prefer it to? If someone literally sent us D through the mail instead of money. Fossilized chopped off dick in the mail. Go for it, guys. What do we give people if they send us a dick in the mail instead of money. Fossilised chopped off dick in the mail. Go for it, guys. What do we give people if they send us a dick in the mail? Oh, what Patreon tier is that?

Yeah. Oh, interesting. Because should we reward that? We should have to make a new one, yeah. Does someone deserve a bonus episode for giving us a dick? Just for them. Right. So that's a new bonus tier level where you only get it if you send us a dick.

Okay, so we recorded bonus episode every month just for the people who sent us dicks. What about this? You can get a sweet recording of a cash register going off behind us where we're recording this. Yeah, we're in the cellar. We're in the basement here at the European Beer Cafe where we tend to record these intros a lot for some reason. We always end up here doing this at the last second. Because for the people at home that don't know how we do this, we do the normal episode and then we're usually with the guests

and then we don't want to do the intro with them because why the fuck would they want to sit around and hear us go, John Smith, Smithy, get some Smith chips and you can sell the chips and give us the money. That's not bad. That's actually not bad. It's weird when you do a riff about pretending it's shit that's actually better than the thing itself.

So thanks, Cassie Strachan. Thanks, Strachan. Now this next guy, I believe he is on the socials a little bit. He certainly rings a bell. I think this is the guy I'm thinking of. If this is the guy I'm thinking of, let us know. But thank you to Patreon subscriber Timothy Johnston. Okay.

Yeah. And if this is the guy I'm thinking of, I believe he once, years and years and years ago when we went to Sydney to do shows, he,

very early on in this show being popular, I was sitting in a fish and chip shop that you, in a burger shop that you recommended to me that was extremely good

in Newtown. If you can think of the one. It was a bit of a rock and roll-y sort of a burger shop that you recommended to me that was extremely good in Newtown if you can think of the one it was a bit of a rock and roll-y sort of a burger joint with I don't think I recommended it to you

I think you recommended it to me oh you're right I think you were staying with a mutual friend of ours who told you to go there oh that might be right so I was in there

having a burger and this guy walked past saw me in the shop walked in and then got a selfie with me and I reckon it was nearly the first selfie I've ever done as a podcaster.

Ah, nice. Yeah. What about selfies outside of being a podcaster? What was the first selfie anyone ever asked you to take? Can you remember that? As a comedian? Yeah. I don't recall.

This is literally the first. I would say probably this one. Okay. Yeah, maybe. Wow, huge. Who was your one? I've asked you and then realised I couldn't recall personally my first one. Well, I think it was old TJ.

I think it was old Timmy John. Old Timmy John. Yeah. Well, I mean, hey, that's that same guy. Think how chuffed he would be that you remember that. Yeah. I think he busted – well, I've got to remember. He busted my cherry wide open.

I'll never forget that, man. It felt – I heard a bit to start with, but then I was remember, he busted my cherry wide open. I'll never forget that, man. It felt, I heard a bit to start with, but then I was like, I could do this a lot. And I remember that specifically because we did a podcast the next day and I did the old white sheet test on you to verify. And now that's a new thing you've learned, isn't it? It is. It's a new little trick you've learned. It is.

It's exciting when you learn a new phrase or something and you just pepper it into every conversation you have for a week. Instead of explaining it, you guys at home can go and look that one up, what that means. You're welcome. Thanks, Timothy. Thanks, got Timothy.

All right, let's do number five. Oh, is this five? Yeah. Oh, so this is the last one. Oh, we've gone over. I said we were going to do four, didn't I? No, you said five. Oh, is this five? Yeah. Oh, so this is the last one. Oh, we've gone over. I said we were going to do four, didn't I? No, you said five. Oh, okay.

Yeah. It stuck out because it's... So different. So different. Right. Okay. All right. Let's crack in.

I'll just... Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. All right. This one. Oh, okay. All right. Cool. So the last Patreon subscriber This week

I don't think we've had One of these before I think this is Slightly different I think we've had We've had a We've had a celebrity I guess we've had a celebrity

Subscriber before I don't think we've had someone In this position though Okay Right Okay this is So Not immediately famous to you maybe

But famous to a lot of other people Okay So here we go Okay Thank you to Patreon subscriber King Comedy So Not immediately famous to you maybe But famous to a lot of other people Okay So here we go Okay Thank you to Patreon subscriber King Comedy Now you're right

I'm racking my brain And I can't remember I can't remember any kind of monarchs Yeah Coming up on the roster before Yeah So King Comedy

First regal Patreon subscriber So I don't know if you remember this, but over the last two to three months, we've had all these different members of the comedy family. Right. Multiple, multiple people whose last name ends in comedy. It's coming back to me. Yeah, so we've kind of had this whole extended family.

So, this is now – is this – does he rule over the land that they all kind of live in? Well, it's funny you ask that. There is a little bit of detail. Oh, there's a bit of detail. Because you don't always make it apparent when – you just sort of let me speculate before you give out the detail. Yeah, I like it like that. Yeah, it does say this guy is not from around these parts.

Uh-huh, okay. I shouldn't say this guy. I should give him a bit of respect. His Majesty. Yes. King Komani is not from around here. these parts. Uh-huh. Okay. I shouldn't say this guy. I should give him a bit of respect. His Majesty. Yes. King Comedy. He's not from around here. He's from a very small island in the West Indies.

Oh, okay. Comedia. Okay. Right. Yeah. King Comedy of Comedia. So, he is, is he perhaps related to the comedy family? He's moved over to this island and established a monarchy over there.

Well, maybe we're getting to the bottom of this. Maybe comedy, because comedy's not a common name, a common surname. Not at all. It's not a common job. This is like a West Indian surname, maybe this is where it all came from. Oh, okay, right. So, and this kind of explains, so do you think potentially all these comedy family members, they're all part of this same royal family?

They're all descendants. Would certainly explain where all this money's coming from. $69 each, but for some reason even the cat and the dog in the family seem to have access to. Because you know what, this could be one of those King Ralph things that happen one day where some family reunion and everyone gets wiped out and then what's the name of the cat again? Mittens. Mittens the comedy cat.

No, no. So I'll pull you up there. Mittens comedy, the comedy cat. Mittens comedy, the comedy cat becomes the king of commedia. That's what could happen. Right. So, okay. Well, you're jumping way ahead here, but for now.

So what this leaves us open to pondering is, is there a queen comedy? Well, who knows? I mean, many would say that's Uncle Steve's, wait, Uncle Comedy's gay husband, Steve. Well, look, we found out that there's, i've never heard of this island before but there is a lot of little you know islands in the west indies and uh you know i mean maybe you maybe you remember uh i mean maybe we'll get a patron subscription from maybe one of the other people from that island i

mean excellent i mean i've i've already i don't to spoil it all in case he comes up in future weeks, but I mean, I already have a vague memory of that island from contributing, you know, one of the famous West Indian cricket players. Oh, right. Well, see, I don't know anything. Captain Comedy. Captain Comedy. Yeah.

Okay. Now that we're into the royal family, I wonder if we're going to have some kind of like comedy Diana, you know? Yeah. The people's comedy princess. kind of like comedy Diana, you know? Yeah. The people's comedy princess.

Well, it certainly has opened up a fertile new road for hopefully us to explore. Leaving the royal family and shacking up with dodie owl comedy. You're burning a month's worth of gear here. Shut the fuck up. Certainly hope they don't take the comedy mobile on any high speed. Shut up. Jesus.

Through an underpass. Look, I'm just worried. I'm just hopeful that the… Comedy paparazzi will be respectful. The paparazzi from Comedia are responsible with their driving. That's what I'm hoping. No, no, fuck this. I'm putting this back up the start of the episode. This is too good.

This is wasted in the dying minutes of the episode. Alright, so, well, thank you, King Comedy. Of Comedia. We are of Comedia. We are forever in your great. We bow down before you. And thank you to all the constituents of Comedia, because, you know, you pay taxes and it eventually gets all the way up to King Comedy

and then he gives it to us. I remember there was a referendum in the mid-90s to see if Comedia was going to become a republic. I'm glad that they stuck with the monarchy because it's paid off for us. We could have ended up getting a bit of coin from President Comedy, but anyway. I wonder if any... Again, not to burn any future material,

but I'd love to know if there's any communist nations, like Comrade Comedy, planning to kind of chip into... Now, how would that work? That's like everyone... That would be like everyone in the country has to chip in a dollar. Yeah. And if it's only a dollar, they wouldn't get their name read out. It's not enough.

So we won't hear that. Brutal. We won't hear that. Just take it as writ that that's happening behind the scenes, guys. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, that's the end. That's the end of this week.

It's weird signing these off without throwing to the episode. Instead, we're just throwing to, you know, hey. Throwing ourselves off the Westgate. Now people are free to listen to whatever they want to next. So do you want to maybe, let's introduce the next thing that people are going to listen to instead of us. Well, let's just say, you know, it's been a long time since we plugged the things at the top. So just a reminder, come to our shows if you're in Melbourne, if you're in Sydney, if you're in, is that it? Perth.

Yeah, Melbourne, Sydney, Perth. Go to those shows. We're going to announce a new show next week in another state. So check that out. Hope to see you at all the shows and grab some merch. Go to Little Dunumb Dumb Club. There is a discount on the Koh Samui stuff at the moment, but the burger and the aware shirts are still flying at the door.

Coming up to summer, coming up to the warmer months, the singlets are just starting to sell as of today. And they look so good. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all that information. Guys, go into Spotify and enjoy the new album by lcd sound system oh wow what a weird end goodbye this podcast is part of the planet broadcasting network visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates i mean if you want it's up to you