The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 364 - Live! Mel Buttle, Harley Breen & Dilruk Jayasinha.

Episode Date: September 26, 2017

We're back in Brisbane for the second time this year to do another sold-out show to an awesome crowd! We're joined by HARLEY BREEN, MEL BUTTLE and DILRUK JAYASINHA as we hear about some correspondence to a certain TV show, learn how to pronounce "worried", eat some spaghetti and find out what kind of pornography Karl prefers! PLUS: Rad Dad Goes Downunder! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up: MELBOURNE: We're doing a huge live show with FIONA O'LOUGHLIN and LAWRENCE MOONEY! SATURDAY OCTOBER 21. Tickets here. PERTH: We're heading over for our annual huge Dum Dum event. SUNDAY NOVEMBER 19. Tickets here.CANBERRA: We're doing it again. A huge live show in your city. SATURDAY NOVEMBER 25. Tickets here.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, live from Brisbane, we have great guests, Stillbrook Jai Singer, Harley Breen and Mel Buttle, but before we get into that, we have to give you a few quick ads for live shows that we have coming up. Awesome, we have Melbourne coming up, we have the Croxton Band Room out in Thornbury, we have our last big live Melbourne show for the year on Saturday, October the 21st, it's like at 8 o'clock at night or something. It's Saturday night, so it's the ideal. There's no excuse. No one's got anything on. It's going out

and it's obviously our big one with Lawrence Mooney and Fiona O'Loughlin. The Moon vs. June, the big two favourite pairing of all time on this show. So a great chance to see that in person, a big, and who the fuck knows what's going to happen?

You know, you've listened to previous episodes. If you have, you'll know that you don't quite know what to expect. It could be fucking anything, and there will certainly be a lot of it edited out for the official episode. So that's going to be heaps of fun. We also have Perth on sale Sunday, November the 19th. That is going to be amazing. We have guests coming over with us.

Big live show with us doing stand-up and a live podcast at the end of it. Following up after that is Canberra. The second time we've ever been. Saturday, November the 25th in Canberra. Yes, all these shows are going to be heaps of fun. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets. That's where you can find links to our merch and heaps of other stuff that we have going on,

including our Patreon, where you can chip in to support the show if you feel like doing so, which we really appreciate, and we send out a bunch of different rewards, which are pretty sweet, including having your name read out on the show, which is happening after you hear this episode. And, of course, you get a free magazine and a free bonus episode every month as well. But more valuable than that is having your stupid little name read out. So we will do that straight after you hear the main content, the main meat on the bone,

which is the live show from Brisbane. But if you hang around, you get all the stupid little names that you possess right at the end. Killer episode, this one. So enjoy it and we'll see you on the other side. Hey, mates. Welcome into the Little Dumum club for another week, live from the Hager Bar in Brisbane. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dassel. I'm standing next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Yeah, you did good. Now, you may at home have noticed a fair bit of excitement in the room. That is because the stand-up portion of the evening is over. And finally, these guys have been rewarded for their patience with an hour of stuff that isn't

prepared, like the stuff you didn't want to see, so that's cool For people at home, yeah, we did do a stand-up show before this podcast and it went well, but I did think it was a bit ominous, like literally, I had a set list, and before the gig I went to the toilet and dropped the set list

straight in the toilet wow it went home it gained sentience and was like I miss mum and dad I'm going back in to be fair not only did I set that up for you I half punched it down as well So thank you very much for coming out everyone

We have packed out this room in Brisbane This is awesome Always a great turnout here at the Hayyabar in Brisbane I believe we have a couple in here who are celebrating

their 11th anniversary this evening Is this correct? Wow So you're going to break up tomorrow Hey but don't worry dude she'll be back anniversary this evening? Is this correct? Wow, so you're going to break up tomorrow. Hey, but don't worry dude,

she'll be back. The guys bought a t-shirt as well so that'll be a fight in the car on the way home. No, no, no. That $20 was for little Timmy's medicine. It's much sadder than that. That's the anniversary gift. Wow. Yeah.

Has anyone fucked anyone while wearing one of our shirts before? Oh, really? Do we want to... They have not. Do we want to go down that rabbit hole? If the actress said to the bishop? If someone actually has, sure, but I think that's just a joke,

isn't it? What do you mean? You actually have done it or not? No, she said maybe later because he's bought the t-shirt. Well, how are we going to go down that rabbit hole? Not with him.

Let's go back and do stand-up again. I've jerked off one of the hosts of this podcast. Actually, I've jerked off one of the hosts of this podcast. Actually, I've jerked off both of the hosts of this podcast. I was going to say, when you said one of them, I was like, well, I remember me.

I'm like a modern Amy Schumer. I'm just up here talking about sex all night. I love it. So good. So, this is like our first proper episode, live episode that we've done back in Australia since our little USA jaunt.

I caught up with my parents last night and my mum had a lot of questions about how the gigs went. First and foremost amongst them was, when you did your little shows over in America, did Carl still say G'day dickheads in front of the Americans? Really? Because that's, I would say that the Americans invented the term dickheads, Sean. Yeah, but she thinks it's just random Americans wandering in off the street.

I'm like, no, no, they're all people... Like, they knew what it was. They're all people who already listen. He's not getting up there and going, howdy, seppos, or, like, whatever. Like... I like the idea that these Americans are going, what is dickheads G'day

what does that mean like they're the most insulated American people ever yeah they've never even heard of anything else

there was really yeah it's not like we were going to offend a lot of people with no shows because there wasn't a lot of people there hey we gave it a nudge

yeah which you know I don't know what we were thinking going to Canada and going, you know how we've never had a request for a Canadian show? Well, here's one. Editing back the New York episode did drive me. It was a glimpse into the mindset of what it's like to be

the audience at this show. We're in New York and we start talking about fucking Dickie Nee for five minutes. It was very frustrating to listen to. It's like, of course, I get it. It's like when you're, you know, it's like, you know, being visited by the ghost of Christmas past. It's like, I see all my mistakes now.

I want my time again. For people at home, people at home will have heard the LA episode by now. But you guys in the room haven't heard the LA episode yet. Fuck, I nearly killed myself. I went far. I lost my fucking mind. It's the closest I've ever been to just getting up and walking out. It was, the end of it was pretty amazing because you at the best of

times have no poker face. We get to the end of the gig and I thought it had been fine so I'm like, thanks everyone. Thanks so much for coming out. Yeah, but you're used to gigs that don't go well. Oh, we can't all have something as genius as duck sandwich. I'm used to gigs that don't go well. We can't all have something as genius as duck sandwich. Fresh out of the urinal. So I wrap it up, I'm like,

guys, thanks so much for coming down. We're going to stick around and have a drink. If anyone wants to buy a t-shirt. And you literally go like this. You go, yeah, thanks, I i guess and then you storm out like a kid on christmas morning who didn't get the nintendo 64 that he wanted it was i've never seen a tante like that it was great i fucking hated it and it made it even worse that when we walked out there all the guys that had been there then came up went oh i'd love to show i'm

like you motherfuckers anyway you guys are the opposite brisbane oh man you guys are the opposite. Brisbane, oh man. You guys are the anti-LA, anti-Adelaide. Yeah. Anti-LA, anti-Adelaide. You're all anti-vaxxers, I believe. We had a strict policy of everyone who was going to come tonight. Yeah, what is the go with Queensland?

What's the deal with vaccines causing autism? I believe in that because Ronnie Chang's mum had a vaccine. Had a very sensitive vaccine. No, but you know what? Every time we come here, like Brisbane is like easy, I reckon, easy my second favourite gig outside of Melbourne to do, right? What's your first? My first favourite outside of Melbourne, sorry, I misspoke.

What's the third? I do actually like Adelaide. I actually like all the capital cities. Like, because we always, well, here's the thing. How can you not like your capital city when all we do is fly in We spend one day in there We played or packed our house We get pissed at the end And then we fly back home again Like you can't go Oh that was shit

Like they're all good It's just The Adelaide stress Is just like The people crawling And not buying tickets beforehand That's the only thing That pisses off about Adelaide

But Brisbane My point is You guys are like In this bubble Where it's always This fucking awesome time And you guys are all well educated and good people. Oh, let's not go crazy. I did some sweet Proust material in my stand-up show that did not get the response it deserved.

I'm up here doing high class Rick and Morty shit in these fucking roofs. But honestly, but then you guys are all cool and great and then everyone else in fucking Queensland, like I've said this before, but I work at the project, every abusive message we get on social media is from someone from Queensland that says,

how come Waleed hasn't said sorry for 9-11 yet? And they're always from Queensland now you've talked about this phenomena on the show a couple of times now have you noticed that the number

of those messages has gone up since you started saying this on the show no but I'm not working there every day so if it's encouraging people to do that

he works there Mondays guys so if you ever want to fire up the project social media accounts don't get me in trouble sometimes Tuesdays It works their Mondays guys, so if you ever want to fire up the Project Socialpedia accounts Don't get me in trouble! Sometimes Tuesdays, but always Mondays

Don't make this an 0438 thing Yeah that's it, if you try and call him and the number's engaged, go straight to at the Project team Yeah actually do it and get us on the project because I work behind the scenes and then it's like, can we be on it? No. Well, we went to Montreal, we're doing the Opera House. Who cares?

A dog got its head stuck in the dunny. Let's put that on TV instead. And what did some of the Queensland population have to say about racist stuff about the dog with its head down the dunny? Probably fucking trying to find Mecca, the fucking stupid mutt. The hater. Well, I should write for the project, just on the other side.

That would be great if it came out it was me sending all those messages from fake accounts. It's just us conversing back and forth every day. You need to change your profile picture on Facebook to a car. That's what they all fucking do. I know it looks like a shiny bonnet, but that's just my forehead. If you go to Zoom in, man, you'll be able to see

me in the rosacea. I saw that pic and I was like, I want to take a sweet ride in that thing. So, we're a couple of weeks away from doing a gig at the Opera House. And we're also doing stand-up for the Just for Laughs Festival, which is... That's the first... We're announcing that now? Is this...

Yeah. Yeah. We're not supposed to, but okay. Yeah, we are. It's on the website. Oh, okay. All right. And also, we've got so many episodes in the tank from overseas.

I think this is scheduled to come out in 2019. So long gone by then. But so I've been trying to get a set ready for that gig because it's the Opera House. So I've been going to a bunch of open mics and kind of getting the set ready. I did a gig the other night and this guy was on after me and it was one of the most brutal open mic sets I've ever seen.

This big, big boy, big stocky boy gets on. And he talks about how a lot of his friends were worried that they lost their virginity too late. By the way, can I interject and just say, I just want to compliment you. Every time you say the word worried, I say worried, you say worried. Like, you sound really book smart. Thanks, cunt Really worried about you I really want to be more Tommy Daslan Pronounce it worried

And what do you say? Worried Fuck me But I'm giving you a compliment Because you spell it W-O-R-R-Y. I'm pronouncing it W-U. Yeah. I know you're giving me a compliment and I'm saying you sound fucked.

Thank you, but... Sorry. Worried. Worried. Worried. You're not speaking a different language. Worried. It sounds like something someone would say to the project about Waleed Ali,

but they don't even know his proper name. That Waleed Ali cunt. We really got to stop talking about someone who could definitely get me fired. So, it's... Yeah, so this guy gets on and he's like this big stocky bloke and he goes... Not Waleed, by the way. This is back in another story. Yes, yes. So, yeah, this open market guy and he has this on and he's like this big stocky bloke and he goes... Not Waleed, by the way. This is back in another story. Yes, yes.

So yeah, this open market guy and he has this bit where he's like going, oh yeah, you know, I wasn't, you know, I wasn't, I lost my virginity real young. Like I lost my virginity really young because my uncle raped me when I was five. Which I believe, which I believe is almost word for word, a Gary Chook joke. Which I believe is almost word for word a Gary Chook joke. A new fucked comedy alter ego. No, no, no. The timing's a lot better with my one.

Yeah, you're one in that joke. Yeah, yeah. So then his next bit is doing this horrific gear about going out with a girl who's in a wheelchair and then it turns out he thinks she can't walk, but she actually can walk. And then he goes, so we got home to my place and I threw her on the floor and had sex with her like the sex doll I thought she was. Now, look, you're all reacting as you should. Pretty brutal. And by the way, all of a sudden, you start to respect the quality of our stuff. Yes, yes. as you should. Pretty brutal. And by the way all of a sudden you start to respect the quality of our staff. Yes.

Yes. But anyway, so this guy, before he went on he came up to me after my set and went, mate that was fucking awesome. That was maybe the best comedy gig I've ever seen. So you know what folks? I'm prepared to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Let's hear him out. Let's see how he progresses. Let's see what else

he does, you know? What were you talking about? That he likened himself to maybe your gear? What was he... Getting fingered when I was six. Sticking my dick in a mannequin. Like, I think he saw a lot of himself reflected back in me. These people here are just disappointed they didn't hear that earlier on. But a great thing where it's like no one laughs,

so clearly people just think it's real. Wow, Dassilo's gear's gotten better. I mean, I have talked about that where I do this old ego thing called Gary Chook where it's just super rough and super bad. Literally that joke you were talking about, there is a joke that Gary Chook does that goes yeah, look, someone

told, oh mate, someone told me that He's still in the voice! He's still in the voice! He's still in the voice imagine if Barry Humphries was just normally talking to you and he's like so then Dame Edna go no hang on do the voice cunt so Gary Chook's joke is something like oh yeah mate so

bloody fuck it's good already my mate said to me Gary Gaz he goes, I haven't had sex in six months. And I said, mate, that's nothing. One time I didn't have sex for 12 months. And then I turned one. Because my dad fingered me. So that's the joke. The top of it no one needed.

We got it. But better than that one still. So I've done Gary Chook in front of people that get it. But I've also... But I've done it in front of people that didn't get it. And that's way worse. Because usually if you do something that's way worse because usually if you do something that's way on purpose offensive

the joke is ha ha as if because it's just super dumb and people like it it's like oh great but when you do it and they just go nah we're just going to take that at face value and that's horrendous it's like oh cool I feel good now didn't you do a gig where you had a joke

you did a cricket club gig and you had a joke that Gary Chook was selling t-shirts that say, I got laid by Gary Chook. And then you had a line out the door after the gig of people wanting to buy the merch off you. And I literally, I only had one shirt. And I kept going, fucking sell us a shirt, Chook. And I was like, and I literally dropped it and walked away.

I was scared of my fans. He's Toowoomba's greatest export. Yeah, he's from Queensland. I just remembered. In many ways, he's all of you. Fucking rednecks. Fuck, I've got a Gary Chook account on Facebook. He needs to message the project.

He really does. He really does. They should be a bit worried. Fuck. I can't. I can't. They should be a bit worried. Fuck. I can't. I can't. You can't go back. My upper middle class upbringing won't allow me to say it so incorrectly.

Worried. How do you live like this? See, that's the Dassolo in you. The worried is the all-socking. Mamma mia. Should we get our first guest out here? Sure. Folks, you always love introing this guy.

Oh fuck. Alright. Let's think of a quick one. A guy, welcome to the stage, a guy that's... When you hear that phrase, someone's got the weight of the world on their shoulders. When you know and hear that phrase, someone's got the weight of the world on their shoulders. That's describing someone giving this guy a piggyback. Derek Gersinger! I would have gone with, who wants to see the entire panel of the project in one?

Fuck, Waleed got hungry. Waleed and Helya had a kid. Waleed Belli. Peter Bellia. Carrie Eatmore. Carrie Eatmore. Carrie Eatmore. Riffing. Nice.

That was some sweet riffing. This has been fun. I'm disappointed you revealed some of my material about wheelchairs and losing my virginity. I just appreciated the compliment. I wanted to let the people know. I was at the front talking to the manager and I said, how's it all been going? He goes, oh, it's really good. Last time was a bit weird. And I said, oh, was the crowd a bit rowdy and stuff? And they're like, no, not the crowd. These guys are getting more laughs this time. But what's wrong with that? It'd be weirder if we were going backwards If it was worse, that'd be shithouse

He was really happy And then he comes back with my food, of course I've been ordered He didn't even have to order, he just knew Instinctively I wanted cheeseburger rolls But still no down soup We should let the listeners at home know that the

Brisbane Hayabars no dansu rule is still in full effect has anyone snuck in some dansu? has anyone anyone shelved any dansu? let's have a contraband dansu party in the parking lot after this

is there any dansu in those cheeseburger spring rolls? Yeah, there was. But I ate it all. So there's none left. You're talking about Queensland being a weird state. Yeah, it is. I've been here since last Friday. What the fuck's wrong with you people?

A lot of Dumb Dumb fans have been coming to shows and stuff, and you guys are great, so you actually can vouch for how fucked some of the nights have been. Like, every night, there's been some weird echo. These guys were there last night, those boys were there. It's... By the way, your fans are great. Gigs must be packed that you can pick people out in a bigger crowd. So there's Tuesday night's audience in the front row.

There's Friday night's over there, working the bar. Well, the delightful fans that you have, they wear the dum-dum T-shirts to the show so they make themselves aware. And it is very nice because, like, I was doing the door for our gig tonight because the person doing the door pulled out. And so I've got all the merch out the front

trying to flog the merch, and everyone that comes in is already wearing the shirt. And I'm like, cool, but fuck fuck I've got no one to sell shirts but I had one on Friday night's gig last Friday when I as soon as I hit the mic someone just goes oh taxi driver this is my first gig back I've been in Sri Lanka for ten days just having this relaxing holiday with my family, and then the first gig back, Queensland. Fuck, God bless you. Fucking Pauline Hanson

sympathises. I don't want to sound rude or anything, but when you're in Sri Lanka, who drives the taxis over there? Red-headed women. Speaking of... And you get in, it's like, nah, nah, mate, don't take me to the fucking shade. I know what you're doing. Yeah, they're always on about fish and chips and shit. Nah, nah, mate, don't take me to your uncle's fucking fish and chip joint.

I see what you're doing. Speaking of your fans, I met this lovely couple here in the front and they told me some interesting things Firstly they were upset that Carly Skelton her name wasn't riffed on enough apparently with Skelton

Oh okay Have we taken requests on her? Well she was upset Carly Skelton I wish I was a skeleton I eat dead after how boring

this riff is Yeah There you go Carly Skelton He's done it again Carly's skeleton As in the thing that's three miles beneath Still soup

You were so excited about that joke You just I know The new measurement for fat Miles You were like a kid Running for the swing Miles is funnier than kilometers

I like it. The other thing she said she pointed out is that apparently I'd asked you, Carl, whether you get texted dick pics. And you'd said no, so I thought I should tell anyone listening, hey, feel free to send Carl dick pics on 04386

at the Project TV. Oh, no. Don't let them miss out. Don't let them miss out. Don't let them miss out. I would love to see a dick sack. When is Wally going to apologise for 9-11? I need that job.

She's a sweet penis. should we get a guest up quick well just one oh yeah yeah just wanted to say you were telling me something interesting actually I'll give you a mic tell me this

you said since you Dill's Dill's booking guests on our show I'm pretty funnier than you sorry alright give the mic back.

Hey, hang on. Am I wearing your shirt, bitch? I feel like I'm in The Wire. You come at the key, you'd better not miss. He's one day in Queensland and he's already become Kyle Sandilands. you'd better not miss. He's one day in Queensland and he's already become Kyle Sandilands. You were saying,

because since you started donating to Patreon, right, you've had to stop something else. Do you mind telling everyone? Give her the mic back, I reckon. Just tell everyone because in order to be able You've had to stop something else. Do you mind telling everyone? Oh, yeah, give her the mic back, I reckon. This one's my last time. Just tell everyone, because in order to be able to afford to give you Patreon money, what have you had to stop, Carly?

I had to cancel my World Vision sponsorship. Oh, did you? Carly, we really appreciate it. Oh, did you? This is... Carly, we really appreciate it. We have built our own world. Thanks for your money. To be fair, we built a world that we were planning to drown ourselves in. Still, it all counts.

What's his name? The kid that doesn't get any money? He has a name and everything. This is... Is it Patreon worthy? Embelle. Embelle. Right there. Embelle.

All right, pass the mic. Don't embellish. That's true. So there's a kid in Africa that doesn't get any money anymore because you can't say to go to Thailand. Well, hey, podcasts are free, so he can tune in and hear the joy that we're putting in. Yeah, what country is him ballet from? You think he's Congolese?

Well, you didn't care about him that much. Congolese, it'd be good weather there. It's the same as Thailand. Send him links to the episodes. This is where your money went. Sorry you can't afford a boat. If Mbelle joins up with Patreon, we will. You should do a riff on Mbelle.

That's the least you could give him. Does he have a lot? Mbelle. That's the least you could give him. Does he have a lot? Mbelle comedy? I think I've just come up with an idea for next week's episode. So he's... That's a member of the comedy family. He's stockpiled her World Vision money so that one day he can contribute to our Patreon.

$69. Just like... Just like all his relatives. Oh, don't worry, he's probably dead. Oh, well, on that note, let's bring in our next guest. Folks, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Harley Breen! Harley!

Fuckheads. Some dickhead rang up named Nick. Fucking funny guy, apparently. And said to get you two microwave spaghettis because that's all he ate in Thailand and he made someone here at the bar do it. And then I brought it up and there it is. This is great because this is a joke from the Thailand... That part of the room gets and everyone else... This never made it onto an episode but there was a guy that came to Thailand with us who did not eat any Thai dishes

and he ate spaghetti every meal. Everywhere we went he just got Hawaiian pizza or spaghetti. One of your fans went all the way to Thailand and only ate spaghetti. That's odd. There was one time we had lunch on the beach where literally our feet are in the water and we're all ordering fresh seafood and this cunt gets a spag bol. It was unbelievable. No, no, no, no, literally we had our feet in the water, we're at this beach, my favourite beach bar in Thailand. Blowing each other, it was beautiful. And he ordered a hot dog pizza.

His name's Nick Carr, he's a comic from Res Van. A few bands in the front row. I mean, we've got to get him on the show because he's very funny. He's a comic from Res Van. A few fans of the front row. I mean, we've got to get him on the show because he's very funny. Are you guys Nick Carr fans? Yeah. Yeah? A couple of Red fans?

Are you hot dog pizza fans? I like how this is like a... This is prop comedy but they've actually heated it up so we can actually... And also, serve to us with chopsticks. Just like a mum mama used to make. Well, this hasn't been thought out at all.

Yeah, I actually don't want to eat this. I'll have it. It's best you don't. The sound of it, the way. So I haven't opened it yet. Michael Winslow just turned up. Hang on, he's shooting

the spaghetti with a machine gun. How does that go? Ah, great sound. Now he's talking about a duck sandwich what does that sound like he's actually having it good on you I was backstage with Harley

and he said something so beautifully poetic as Dassler made a joke Harley just very seriously goes huh Tommy got funny I was genuinely

impressed you were being a very funny little boy I haven't watched you be funny for a while and you got another woman to marry you two things we never thought would happen and now I've got two cars commercial radio fucking rules!

I've got a mental illness issue but other than that, two cars. You would have probably had that before you started radio. He was just lying dormant waiting for someone to wake him up. What's the secret sound Harley cutting himself was? On that note, let's get our third guest up. Should we? Okay.

Well, we need to at some stage and if we only get her up once we stop talking about fuck stuff, she's not going to be able to come. Yeah, good point. Folks, please welcome back into the little Darnold Club, Mel Butto! Hello!

Hello, boys! Mel, thanks for joining us. Can we offer you any spag bol? No, I can shit myself on cue anyway. Yeah, I did think it was... I ate half of that and then went, I should have checked the use by date, because this feels like a prank. And also, he'd taken off...

You know those things usually come in like a cardboard wrap that tells you the brand and the name of it and everything? None of that on there. So it could be any fucking... Yeah. It was probably horse meat, I'd say. There was a horse meat scare with the lasagnas at Aldi. Oh, really?

Yes. That made it out here, because I thought that was just a British thing. Was it? Well, I didn't eat it anyway, just because, you know, I value my health so highly. I'd eat it. Is it that bad to eat,

boss? I'd eat it. Yeah. Again? Again? You've had it? I assume I have. Oh, probably. What do you mean you assume, so you don't know sometimes you're just on a bender, walking past a stable and you go, oh, fuck, I've got to eat a horse. No.

I'm not going to gnaw on a live horse. Well. Do you watch the Melbourne Cup and think, fuck, that sushi train's going fast? Do you think the odds are whether you're going to eat it or not? Yeah, the payout is just the price. Fuck it, all right. That would be great if everyone who bets on the winning horse

in the Melbourne Cup, they get to divvy it up and they all get to fucking eat a hunk of it. I'm glad you said eat. They all get to fuck it. That's great. Do you remember that guy, the professional protester, Peter Hoare? Cool name. Peter Hoare?

Yeah, Peter Hoare. I believe it's Peter Sexworker these days. Sorry. He ran across the Melbourne Cup once and, like, protested, protested slash ran in front of horses and nearly killed himself. And his protest was because at the end of the race, everyone eats the horses. Not true.

So he was protesting something that never fucking happened. Do you ever, on Bake Off, do they ever use horse meat? What do you reckon the answer's going to be? Just every day, Dale. Because there's so much meat in cakes. Yeah. Here you go. Put a far lap into a Danish. You guys are not eating beef cakes,

are you? Is that stallion icing? He's talking about cum. Dirty. I'm quite smart. I picked that up quickly, didn't I? You're smarter than me. I didn't know what I was saying.

Stallionising is up there with worry. Oh, instead of... Cum is what the commoners call it. Oh, there's stallionising. It's a bit a little bit awesome. Do you guys have cum here in Brisbane? People do that? Yes, we've got cum. We're near the valley, aren't we?

The spiritual homeland of cum. We're in the valley. We're near the valley. You're in the fucking valley. Oh, are we? Yeah, this is the valley. Cool, bro. This is the entertainment precinct that you're allowed

within certain parameters, there's rules. I mean, you've got to be in by one, don't joke anything between one and three, no shots, and then, yeah, you're free to go home. So we're doing the Sydney Opera House soon, and then yeah, you're free to go home. So we're doing the Sydney Opera House soon, and so are you. Clang! So this is pretty much

like the Sydney Opera House of Brisbane, yeah? Yeah. It's better. That's coming from someone who's never been to the Sydney Opera House. By the way, I just need to make a quick point. I know from when you've been on the show, Mel, people are going to think that we're the same person on the audio recording of this, so...

Every time you speak, can you say your name clearly first? Right. This is Mel commenting. I'm different to Tommy because I've got a pussy. And how are you different? Brains out. Brains out again. This is also Mel commenting. The thing that people don't understand about Waleed Ali is that he... What are you doing next week, Chandler? Because clearly you're not working for the project anymore.

Do you want to go to lunch on Monday? Possum Thai? Yeah, I'll see you there. Oh, directly over the road from the job I just lost. Cool. So you host the Great Australian Bake Off. Yeah, but it's mostly a very you know, what's it like to have an audience

that is, you know, nice? Oh, well, they're not nice because I go through the Bake Off Facebook under a series of my Facebook accounts. Oh, nice. How many have you got? Three.

Nice. How many bad comments do you make about someone that's making cakes? Oh, mate. There's not enough beef in it. Oh, right. So there's one. There was one fucking woman, Fiona Long. I love it.

Track her down. Hang on, hang on. She... I love it. Track her down. Hang on, hang on. She got a car on her profile pic? She should. She should. They're the bad ones. Car on the profile pic. Car or four people,

you don't know which one it is. Who's the hot one? Anyway. So she commented about me personally. She said that she struggles with my voice, Tommy, and she can't believe that they put someone so nasal and bogan on TV.

Me neither, fuckhead! But I save the money! And then what I did, I did a very clever thing that a lot of comics do. I copied and pasted her Facebook comment. I put it out on my Instagram, my Twitter, my Facebook, my Hotmail, the Family Christmas newsletter, just a couple of spots. And then she got some hate mail back to her saying,

Nils, fucking, that's accurate, but Mel's nice. All those issues aside, I'm a fan. Yeah, and you know what she did? She rang up my deals management token and said, I'm being harassed by Mailbottle's fans and they said, oh why is that? What did you do? And she goes, I just wrote this thing saying mail's a bogan and I hate the sound of her voice and she's nasal

and they went, well what do you think's going to fucking happen dickhead? Hang on, hang on, hang on. Was Hughsey on the phone? Yeah, since he left the project, he asked at the phone at his management. I mean, full credit to her for being smart enough to actually go to look up the management.

I thought you were going to say the story was, oh, the Grey Australian Bake Off's on Foxtel, so she's just like, when the ads for Foxtel come up to get connected, she's calling up 1-300-FOXTEL and going, fucking Mel Buttle said this to me. And they're like, so do you want the box or not? It's a good,

it's a great product, Fox-Cell. No one has it, but yeah. Get involved. Are you looking at any of the comments for your radio show, Harley? Do you read what you're on? Why the fuck would I do that?

Well, because of Grinnell. No, I have, I have. And it's annoying. I was querying in my head then when you were talking why you're reading the comments, because I do it a bit, and it's only idiots. Only idiots comment.

Have you seen their fan page? Only fucking idiots. I don't know what you're talking about. Have you seen my fucking text line? I thought you'd get a lot of positive comments, because you're so darn good looking, isn't he? Shut up. Oh, man, literally, when we were sitting up here,

we were at Hey Ya Bar, and we've got a lovely man helping us out, Zahn, today. And he's helped us out so much setting up the gig. And he said, who's on today? And we said, oh, who is on? There's Harley Breen. And he said, oh, man, I would fucking love to have him. Oh!

He said, he is a good looking man. And I was like, oh cool. And he said, who else? And I said, Dilraba Jai Singar. And he goes, oh, did he used to work for Telstra? Did you? I think I used to work as Fiona Long. Oh, it's either taxis or phone centres with you people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or 7-Elevens. Hey, don't pigeonhole us. We've got 7-Elevens as well. And the occasional dentist. I don't know. Look, am I helping? No?

No, that's... Is your dentist brown? Of course not. She's a white Queenslander, as if that's happening. No, my dentist's name is Dr. Peter Beer. His last name's actually fucking Beer. I'm like, sick, I'm going to go to him.

He's awesome. Is that like, yeah, that's a cool idea that it's like those hairdressers that give you a beer when you're getting your haircut. You're getting a fucking filling and why don't you have a slab while you're at it i'm just gonna uh just wash your mouth out with some vb and have a spit i genuinely can't pronounce my dentist's name so i just don't say it why would you why would you why would you have to why do you have to say hello doctor what the fuck is your name what's's his, what kind of foreign is he?

It's cool, he can say it. He's closer to that than this. He's like in between. So he's... He's in between the ultimate race and whatever you are. Ah, there's a sound boat for the radio Someone obviously made a postal vote for Trump I'm not even drinking at the moment You were born in Queensland

No surprises You've come to the mothership Just back to your old ways You have some spinach in your teeth We're born in Queensland. Yeah, no surprises. You've come to the mothership. Just back to your old ways, aren't you? You have some spinach in your teeth. Do I? Yeah. Which one?

Hang on, is he your dentist? Dilraka Jaya Pinger. Jaya Pinger, that's my dealer name. That's how we met. Hey, so I... This podcast is great. I, you know, we went to Montreal. We were talking about it. I was so banging on about it, right?

I went to Calamvee last Saturday, so... All right, what happened there? Someone called me a taxi driver. I'm not surprised, Neil, because I used to teach at Callum Vale, at the high school out there, so... Fuck, you've taught them well. Yeah.

Why did you teach them stereotypes? Well, actually, what did you teach them? No, I was drama English, so I just... Well well I popped a video on for a year and a half and then quit sorry Kyle you were talking about

the time you were in Montreal I can't relate I'm quite unsuccessful go on with your story no no well we're just we're grasping onto the few little bits of success we've ever had. Yeah, this is it.

We've peaked, so let us just live in this for another month. Tell me you are, Mike. Montreal, we've got the Opera's coming up. Starting to sign with Fiona. We've got the Opera's coming up and whatever. But it's nice to be grounded. Like, I get these phone calls from a regional I don't know

why exactly but I keep getting these calls from a regional ABC station so not a capital city one like a shitty

country one and they always like Maryborough and Maryborough is if they're good enough to get an ABC station

go back where you came from FM yeah so you're right he's good now isn't he it was pretty good From FM, yeah. You're right, he's good now, isn't he? It was free TV.

So I kept getting these calls from these regional ABC stations, and they always call with five minutes to go and go, oh, we want you to... They want sort of free content, they want someone to talk about something, and every time they call, they go, Hey, so this is Carl, right? And I go, yeah. And they go, are you still doing comedy?

So nice of them to do their research. So anyway, I keep getting those. They probably saw your last kick. Is that comedy? Yeah. Seemed more like you'd moved into slam poetry, but anyway. Is that comedy? Yeah.

It seemed more like it moved into slam poetry, but anyway. I like your speech. The random sentences you keep repeating. That is nice. So I keep getting these calls. So the last one I got, I got a couple of weeks ago. The last one I got is worse than that. Worse than that one. Which was, they ring up and they go,

are you free to talk in about five minutes about some subject we're going to come up with? And I was like, oh. And they go, hang on, we better clear this up first. Are you still an ambulance driver? What? Imagine if it was Carl that turned up when you'd hurt yourself. I'm done.

I was riding my bike and some car hit me. You dumb cat. Why are you on a bike? I think I'd be more of the ambulance driver that's trying to rustle up his own business by hitting people first. Morphine or just straight off the Westgate? What do you want, pal?

But fuck, what a nice slap down after doing all this. Why didn't you say no? You should have been like, yeah, yeah, I am. And then just seen what happened when you were on the phone. That's the thing, because I was like, why do you want to talk? And they're like, oh, we just want a bit of a laugh. And it's like, but you think I'm an ambulance driver.

Like, what sort of laugh do you want? Like, what's the funniest head injury you've ever seen? To be fair, for an ambulance driver, you'd be really funny. As a comment, not so much. But an ambulance driver with the duck sandwich. Because, like, you hear about... The ambulance alarm. Woo-ee!

That'll be cool. That's right, there's no siren, it's just him piping himself into the speaker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carl! Carl! Chandler! Chandler. Because you hear about the comedy police,

you don't hear about the comedy ambulance. There should be one. We've had a lot of open mics where there should have been an ambulance. Oh, yeah, totally, totally. You should have done... Man, yeah, you should have just gone on the radio and fielded some questions about being an ambulance driver.

Just put some real non-truths out there. Would have been great. Yeah, alright. Next time I get one of these calls, I'll do it. Like, man, I'm just rock hard the whole time I'm driving the sick people around. It's great. We all are. We love it.

You can't do it without, they test you to make sure that you're aroused by what you're doing. I do a bit of... Like, someone will hear that and they'll be drunk at a party and then it gets into the person who hears its ear and then they're telling their friends the next day, it's like, I heard this rumour. I heard this guy, he was rock hard the whole time, he was doing a bit of Uber Eats off the side at the same time.

It's a good story to get around. I actually squashed a long-held kind of urban legend that had been in my head for a long time. I think I've talked about it on the show, but someone was telling me when you're on a long-haul flight, when you land, when you get to the gate, the people on the other side that open the door, they have to be wearing like gas masks

because apparently the stench is so overpowering. I've heard that. After 15 hours in the air that if you weren't wearing one, you would spew immediately. And apparently it's like a hazing technique for the new guy. They'd send him to the front or whatever and not tell them and they open the door and he's just... Right, so on our flight over to Montreal, which we went to...

Hey, not bad for an ambulance driver. You were there the week after for the Montreal Just For Accidents Festival. Just for lacerations. But yeah, I was sitting... My seat was at the door, at the doorway of the plane. And so I spent 14 hours going, this is it! I'm going to solve the urban... I'm finally going to find out.

I'm going to be the first person this cunt smells. Yes. That won't be the first person this cunt smells. Yes! Like, yeah, I put, yeah, I was like- That won't be the first time for Tommy, though. I was trying to like move around in my seat heaps and like sweat more and really get a real musk going. Just to really give this guy the full experience. And, uh, it's busted. It didn't, it didn't, no masks, just- The guy on the other end just opened it up and just, yeah, nothing.

I've never been- Well, you know, he could have like defect defect like anosmia or something where he can't smell you should have you ask him he walks out the plane he goes does your fucking nose work because all right why did you spew all right get back in we're sending this one back around really so no mask nothing he just opened it yeah just coughed it and I was like man, I kind of wish I'd, yeah, it was good to have a leg room for the 14 hours, but

you know, a little part of me died. So what, business? No. Nah. Just midway through the shit-cunt seats. To be fair, the front of the shit-cunt seats. The beginning of the shit-cunt seats. Like the battler's dream, the bulkhead seat is what he had.

Oh, that's nice. Real great. Oh, good on you, mate. Good on you. Thanks, man. Look, it didn't pay off in laughs, but it won me the respect of my peers. And in this game, that's all that counts. Oh, no, you don't have our respect.

Fuck. I'm trying so hard. How was the food on the plane? Was it less than average? What movie did you watch? Yeah, what were the movies like? Seen Jumanji on the plane? Did you have a wank in the toilets?

I do that. I have done that before. I've done it. I'll do it again. Have you really? How long have you taken doing it? Yeah, definitely. Hey, I'll do it on a one hour flight.

I remember once I got a hell on a plane together and you were just like, I don't wear the seatbelt, they can't tell me what to do, it's a myth, that's all mythbusters. Are you for real? That's an exact impersonation of me. That's exactly what I was doing. Wait, what, why? Why no seatbelt? I don't know, I don't remember that, but I'm a heavy drinker. No seatbelt. You left your phone on. I always leave my phone on.

And I was next to you fucking sweating. I've made a call from the toilet before. Really? What is wrong? While you're there, was there a second... Mum, I'm jacking off up here. Mum, you wouldn't believe this. They're showing Jumanji.

How hot are those monkeys? Your mum, you wouldn't believe this. They're showing Jumanji. How hot are those monkeys? What movie were you... Were you watching a porno on the plane? Did you see a porno? No, you just... No. From up here. Just here.

The pair of the boys. I create my own stories. Tommy and Carl, Tommy and Carl, Tommy and Carl. Hey, in Montreal. I mean, Kyle dressed as an ambulance driver. Oh, boy. Nurse. Tommy dressed as a nurse.

Just giving your dick the defibrillator. Clear. Speaking of pornos on the plane, you've got one of the all-time great stories of that. Which one? You know, that porno you're in where you get fucked on the plane. You've got one of the all-time great stories of that. Which one? You know, that porno you're in where you get fucked on a plane. Is that a Samuel L. Jackson movie? There was one time where the night before,

you'd been watching a little movie. I know, I've talked about this on the podcast before, but I just... Yeah, I just want to hear it again. Refresh on that. I'm so close to coming. Just tell it again. It was just...

No, but... It was just me being a long way from home one night and then the next morning getting on the plane and me forgetting to close a lot of windows and getting on the plane in a five-seater. Time to watch some episodes of Modern Family. Oh, God. Literally opening up the laptop and everyone

on either side of me going wow that's what you're into what are you into? I've wondered good question good question I'll field this one

I reckon spanking I've talked about you doing roots with my partner I'm like I just find it such an odd idea that he even does it

I look at Alan and say I think he's asexual I don't think he does roots to be fair the fact that you're having that conversation with your partner

you come off worse in that story is it mid coitus as you're chatting as we're rooting I'm like do you reckon Carl roots no

do you reckon he does it like this do you reckon Carl roots? Do you reckon he does it like this? Do you reckon Carl does it like that? What is your partner? What did your partner respond to? She's like I don't want to talk about that. I'm like come on. Let's talk about Carl's dick. It'll be great. Yeah what are you into?

I think it's better for you to ask and I'll say yes or no. Okay. Scat videos. No. Hang on, hang on, hang on. We'll start. We'll start at the end. Yeah, start high and we'll work our way down.

Hang on, hang on. Classify what scat is. That's where that white guy... Scat, ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba. I'm into that. That was the worst ever. You suck. Give up comedy. Fuck you.

I liked it a lot. I liked it. I liked it, but it's fucking horrible. All right. That's a yes for one. Is it like one where there's a lot of oil?

No, that's messy. Does it take place at an open mic bar in Melbourne that you're running and you book the line up? Yeah, do you like those storyline ones where it's like the daughter's boyfriend and the mum comes in or whatever? Or do you not care about the context? Oh, nah. What about one where the girl's lying she's not talking and then the guy's on and he has a 30-second awkward route and then gets off like you know like i imagine how you have sex

i was gonna say i've i've never looked through your window is it uh do you get off onto videos of someone going, please marry me and you're like, nah. And I've been watching those videos for ten years. Speaking of, that's coming up soon. What else is happening?

What about this is a porno. A girl goes into a cafe and there's an item on a menu Called a fuck sandwich And then he... Alright Finally, finally That is the porno I will be in Fuck sandwich Finally, that dick is surrounded by

pussy. It feels so good to have a world famous joke. It's a cult hit in the way the room's a cult hit, mate. So, we, like Dill just mentioned before, but your wedding is coming up soon.

I won't give up the date or location unless people want to message me privately at my TV. But this is like one of the last times we're going to hang out and be on the beers before. So this is kind of technically your butt. hang out and be on the beers before you, so this is kind of technically your butt. Because as we all know you're not allowed to drink after you're married. Can we go to the strippers? I know, look, I know a place.

Some of the girls that work there they're not so good but if you wait don't just go throwing money at anyone who comes out because they saved the good ones to last. Is this one of those ones that has a buffet or something? You wish mate. Nah, there's no buffet.

Is this a bit of the Great Australian Strip-Off? The Great Australian Strip-Off. Strip-ers, you have three hours to make these guys come. three hours to make these guys come. No, you're just back on board I reckon. Use the proper term, what was it, the icing? Yeah, they're going in icing. Oh no, we've got to go the Rippers after this. Let's go the Rippers.

They'll have to let us in because they're all wearing closed in shoes. I've been burnt before Firing up, getting on their Facebook page on Monday morning What happened to me on Saturday night was an insight One star review Should we do a bit of Stripping Why do you need a stripper when I've got bigger tits than any of them

Do you want me to Do a little something. No, I don't. No, I don't. Should we do a bit of... I would do it, but there's just no dancer. Part of my acting was a serious dancer. Is that what dancing means?

Well... Right. Should we do a bit of Australia's longest running and most popular radio show? We do have an episode of Rad Dad. Oh my God. I don't suppose we have the theme. We absolutely do not. What's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just riding around in a Rad Dad way. Got a wife, a kid, cat and a dog.

See me looking good in your catalogue. Yeah. Word to your mother. Because I'm the raddest dad in town. Wow. Oh, by the way, Mel, you probably have no idea what this is, do you? This is a little shit radio play that we do. It's meant to be bad.

Mate, I've done it before and I've got no fucking idea what this is. It better be good because there's fucking five pages in it. There better be some fucking gags in it so I'm gonna throw my own in. It's best you do that because they won't have put it in. Who am I playing? You're playing Mel. Oh fuck. Read ahead.

Typecast. She's a mole. All right. Let's see the accents. Oh, right. Yeah, we should set this up. Right. So this is a whole thing where...

So we've just been in the States and we were talking a lot while we were over there on the show about how we're idiots and we didn't take any meetings and stuff. We were just hamming it up for the show. We actually did get a meeting and we pitched Rat Dad to CBS.

And so they've made an American pilot of Rad... Just go with it. Just use your fucking imaginations, you fucking dimwits. They've made an American version of Rad Dad and bizarrely enough, in the pilot of this American... The first episode is set in Australia, so this is Rad Dad Goes Down Under. Did that make enough sense?

yep and in the pilot apparently we're Americans instead of yeah they've recast it right so we have to do the accents right

right so here we go man I'm fucking looking forward to this well Jenny here we are in Australia. Of course it was a southern racist. Here we are in Australia, the Emerald Isle, the land of the rising sun,

the land of the long white cloud, and the place where I bought this fucked edition of Lonely Planet with all the wrong information This sure is awesome being able to go to Australia thanks to the people at Make-A-Wish Oh yeah, I didn't understand that How come Make-A-Wish got you this trip?

Well, the way they figured it, they said with you being my sole responsible parent, I'll be dead in the next 18 months or so. Man, you could have gotten a free laptop out of him. You blew it. That accent's pretty good, actually. Your accent's good, Carl. I like it. Well, anyway, here we are

in the picturesque surroundings of the Australian outback. This sure is a culture shock, Jenny. For example, a guy just charged me $10 to play his didgeridoo. It was a lot smaller than I was expecting. I had to get on my knees to play it, and it was attached to his body,

and it was his penis. Uh, I don't think that was a didgeridoo you were playing. It's true. Talk about going down under. By the way, everyone, don't forget to was a didgeridoo you were playing. Struth! Talk about going down under. By the way everyone, don't forget to vote for marriage equality. You added that in. Don't forget to vote yes for marriage equality. We should... Don't break character, you're ruining the show. Hey, who's this coming towards us? G'day, cunts. I'm the Australian Prime Minister. Oh, cool. But you're just walking along in the desert?

Shouldn't you be at least driving in a car or something? Or did someone say your wife take it? This is on the script, but I say this sincerely. Fuck up, you cunt. Oh, okay. Now you sound like an Australian Prime Minister. Now look, you two idiots.

Is there somewhere you're particularly keen to visit? Uluru, maybe? It's one of the most amazing natural spectacles this country has to offer. Only a complete fuckwit

would come all the way around the world and turn down a chance to experience it. Do they sell any FUBU hoodies up there? No. Pass. We were thinking maybe we could meet some local celebrities.

This is your lucky day, you stupid little girl. Nicole Kidman is over there shooting a movie. Want to go say hello? Talk about a has-been one-hit wonder. Is someone good like Yahoo serious around? You are, without exception, the dumbest sepo cunt I've ever met. Why, thank you Mr. President.

Hello. I'm famous Australian actress, Nicole Kidman. Oh hi Mrs. Kidman, I loved your most recent movie. Oh, The Beguiled? No, BMX Bandits. That movie is 34 years old. Wow, time flies when you jerk and you dick to be mixed up. Okay, I'm looking you up online.

It says here you were married to a scientist? A Scientologist. Oh, I was part of that church. They kicked me out for being, in their words, too much of a dumb cunt, even for us. Typical Scientology alien mumbo jumbo. Suck my dick, Xenu. Wow. Why did it have to be Peter Falconeo?

Why couldn't it have been you, Rad Dad? Look, for the sake of your daughter, here's a word of warning, Rad Dad. It's pretty dangerous out here in the desert. There have been reports of dingo sightings. Yeah, that's true. Dingos that are absolutely massive and have such an insatiable appetite that they'll eat anything. And I mean anything.

Even a young child. Look, here comes one now. Hello. Jesus Christ, look at the size of this one. A dingo ate my baby elephant. Hello everyone, it's me, a talking dingo. This seemed like the least offensive way of getting me into a script that said in the outback. Yeah, this might seem brutal,

but keep in mind, everyone, in the first draft, he was playing Ernie Dingo. but keep in mind everyone in the first draft he was playing Ernie Dingo I just got kicked out of Alice Springs mortgage for clearing out the buffet and I'm still hungry so I'm gonna be eating this young girl now, thank you Braddad help me I'm gonna get eaten Braddad One second Jenny I'm just looking up Nicole Kidman On MrSkin.com Apparently you see Her boobs

In Eyes Wide Shut I gotta see this Quick Where's the Dearest Blockbuster And how do we Want to do this bit Here's the bit

That we Were going to do That you wrote And then didn't Ask the person Who was supposed To voice it So you do it

Because I said To you What do you reckon And you never Replied to my message Okay so You didn't ask the person who was supposed to voice it. So you do it. Because I said to you, what do you reckon? And you never replied to my message. Okay, so, phone rings. Whose fault would that be? Definitely yours. Xavier Michaelides. Okay, that's all we need to see.

Hey guys, it's the head of CBS here. We really appreciate all the effort that you put into making this pilot, but the network is going in another direction. We're picking up a show called Xavier's Corner. It's the best idea for a television show we've ever heard. It's got a bald guy, it's got a corner. It's genius! Does this mean we can stop doing this raucous deadfoot for

dumb cunts? I think we should have a plebiscite on whether the two dumb cunts who wrote this script should kill themselves. Vote yes! Well, it's a shame our show isn't going to get picked up, Jenny. But on the plus side, I just found the Nicole Kidman nude scene on RedTube. As the locals here say, that's not a big old stiffy, this is a big old stiffy.

Alright, Dad! Rat Dad is unfortunately filmed in front of a live studio audience. Oh, Montreal, Rat Dad. Oh, we didn't need Dave at all. That worked out perfect. He'll be pleased to hear that. That's the best Abe you've ever got. What do you reckon?

I reckon we've got to wrap this up. You can't follow something that good. Would you think it was tough to really have that kind of cultural exchange

but I think we pulled it off with real panache. What do you guys reckon? I think Carl's American accent was a lot better than I was expecting it to. I think you should do all your comedy now on where it's in American.

Can I hit the duck sandwich in an American accent? Oh, right. I love this kind of fish out of water shit. No, because I did it during the stand up show and these cunts didn't laugh then. Yeah, whose fault is that? It's everyone's fault for fucking saying it on the podcast and now everyone fucking knows it. Fuck, Yuzi's turned up.

Yuzi's losing it! Carl Chandler. I like it. I think that should be the next character. You've retired, Gary Chook, more or less. Kyle. Kyle Chandler. All right, mate.

Yeah, Kyle. All right. All right, it feels like we should have wrapped it up when I said what if we wrap this up this treading water is not

playing off at all folks give a big round of applause Mel Buttle Holly Breen Kilwood Jai Singer thank you so much

for listening at home and thank you everyone at the Hayabar in Brisbane for coming down and we'll see you next week. See you next week.

And we are back. Feels like only yesterday we did the intro to this episode. It was actually shorter than that. It was like four seconds ago. Oh, right. Time goes so quick these days. We hope you enjoyed that episode.

That was so much fun to do. So hopefully that's translated in the recording. Yeah, hopefully. I mean, our audiences at the live show seem to be getting better and better, like more into it. I love it so much when you guys come along to a live show and really get into it because we've had some before in the recent past where people don't get into it as much. But Brisbane, you guys are a machine up there. Yeah, that's great.

Just fucking crazy. So please keep that up and we'll keep coming back. Yeah. For now, though, we have to do the Patreon readout of names. This is where we go through some of the people who have donated to keep the show running and we show our thanks in the way that only we can.

Yeah. Thank you. In the way that only we can because who else would want to do it like this? Does anyone else in the world do a podcast where they do this? I'd like to know if it's more successful than what we do. All right.

Let's do it. Let's do a bunch. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Let's... Look, no conferring with you this week. We're going to do it the same as we did last week which is we're going to read out six names.

We're just going to get straight into it and repeat it. I know we mix it up every week, have a different number every week but I reckon twice in a row we're going to do six in a row. No, well, if you want to do the same as last week, last week we did five. So if that's what – if you're attached to six, that's fine but if what you want to do is exactly the same as what we already did

the week before, then it's going to have to be five because that's what we did last week. All right, well, I lined up six because I thought, well, we'll do the same. Well, okay. Well, look, I said we'll do the same as last week, so I guess we do the same as last week. So we'll do five. Yeah, just get rid of one of them.

Okay, all right. We'll get rid of them. Just pick a random one and get rid of them. I'll pick the last one. The last one has a surname I reckon we've had before, so I'll just get rid of that one. Okay, cool. Okay, great.

Thank you to, five to go, thank you to Patreon subscriber Stephen Simpson. Stephen Simpson? Yeah, one of the less-known Simpsons. The Simpsons? Yeah. Like the TV show, The Simpsons. Yeah, one of the main characters, Stephen Simpson, you know, that you see on the show all the time.

Is he the one that goes dull? He hasn't provided that. He hasn't listed all the things that he says in real life. From now on, when you sign up to Patreon, if you could list all your catchphrases, I think that'd be great. And all their history, like some people have done before, where you fit into your own family, maybe. Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah, so one of the lesser-known Simpson characters, obviously. One of the more generous Simpson characters, I would say. Yes. None of the others are, you know, fucking... know fucking most is like isn't chipping well to be fair he's not one of the simpson family oh yeah well he's one of the simpson characters right right yeah okay um yeah no no no um contributions from maggie or anything like that so i'm putting it up there he's some people say oh bart's their favorite some people say home is their favourite. I say Stephen. Stephen is my favourite. Despite not having any of his catchphrases,

any of his character quirks, I now have his money. So you are my favourite, Stephen. And I know some people look forward to us ragging on their name, on their surname. I know for a fact he would never have copped something alluding to The Simpsons TV show. There is no way. Hey, you know what?

Some people think The Simpsons has gotten worse as it's gone along. But as far as me and my bank account are concerned, this one's just getting better and better. Totally. I think it's funnier and funnier. Totally. To me, season one of Stephen Simpson was not very good.

Yes. Season two through eight or nine. Oh, the golden years of Stephen. It was the golden. Yeah, absolutely. So I could watch those seasons of his life over and over again. This is great. Alf Clausen gets the sack and then we get a bit more money.

Suddenly there's a bit more in the skyrocket to play with. I wonder how old Steven Simpson is. I wonder if he's like 30 or so. And so he could literally go, yeah, from ages two through nine. That was so good. Like golden years. But then I got into high school and it started to go downhill and then I grew up

I went through puberty and got a job fuck it sucked it was no good well thanks Steve thanks Stephen thank you to Patreon subscriber

Timothy Gray oh great Grey's Anatomy another famous TV show yeah what was your favourite season of Grey's Anatomy

well when Patrick Dempsey oh fuck I don't even know Another famous TV show. Yeah. What was your favourite season of Grey's Anatomy? Well. When Patrick Dempsey. Oh, fuck. I don't even know. I've got to say, this guy who's giving us money, he's the real McDreamy. Oh, yes. Nice. I have McDreamied about getting money for free off strangers for many years

and it's finally coming true. I'm McJacking my little dick over the thought of getting money from you. I'm McWetDreaming over getting Timothy's money. Thanks, Tim. Thanks, GotTimothy. That was quick. That was effective. You know, we needed – I reckon sometimes we're very guilty of, you know,

we've gotten the best bit and we just keep peddling. Like now, for example. Yeah. Get in and get out. Thank you to Patreon subscriber number three for this week, Alex Pike. Pikey. Yeah, Pikey. As they say in – they use that in England as a nickname for gypsies.

Yes. Yeah. If that's a term. Made famous in the film Snatch. Yes. With Brad Pitt. Yeah, right. Which a friend and a listener of the show, a friend of mine that you've met before, Glenn

Pike, his nickname is Pike. I sat opposite him at your wedding. Yes. We went to the football in England together once. We went and saw the Wickham Wanderers play and And they played Wigan Athletic. And we got there and there was a guy there. There was a player there called, his last name is Bullard. And they started doing this chant as we got there that was, Pikey looks like Bullard.

And it was very confusing. Because you think they're just singling out your mate. Yeah, and we were going, we don't know what the fuck is going on. And he was a bit chuffed. Some people must feel when they listen to this. Yeah, I think he was a bit chuffed. And then by the end, he wasn't chuffed. Like a few days later, we were like, why the fuck did they sing that?

It was like, oh, your name now is a very derogatory term towards gypsies. So now it's not quite as nice. Well, thanks. What's this's not quite as nice. Well, thanks. What's this guy, Jeff? Alex. Alex. Thanks, Alex. Thanks, Magic Alex Pike.

Sorry to make those illusions about your name, but hey, nothing we can do about it. Yeah. Have you copped that before, Alex Pike? Did you know that? Or do you get more pike-let? The pike-let. That's what I would do.

Yeah, you would have got that. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Butch. Oh, God. I don't know how to pronounce his last name. We'll go with this. Butch Yost. Or Yost. Butch.

Is it J-O-S-T? No, Y. Y. Butch Yost. Yost. Yost. You ever heard of that? I wonder if that's his real first name.

Butch. I hope so. Yeah, that's cool. Last week you were talking about child names, and that's one that's in the category of not crazy, hippie, weird, but just different. You know it, but you don't really hear it often. Is that old?

Butch. Yeah. Feels like it. It feels like characters in movies set in the 50s. There's like the bully is called Butch. Exactly. But was that a nickname or was that their name? I think they're – yeah, I don't know.

That's an old school name that feels modern. Or maybe like he just – it's not his name and he's just like – he's just giving us a label. You know what I mean? He's just like, I'm a Butch guy. Whatever. I'll own it. Yeah.

What of it? Would you go Butch Dassolo? a butch guy. Whatever. I'll own it. Yeah. What of it? Would you go butch Dassolo? Butch Dassolo. Yeah. I reckon I would. Would you look at – Or a girl. Would you –

Yeah. Butchina. Would you look at a tiny little baby with its eyes closed just out into the world and go, you look like a butch. This thing is fucking shredded. I don't want to take this thing on. Have a look at it. Butch.

It's got blood all over it. It's fucking tough. Yeah. Fucking clawed its way out of there. Yeah. Thanks, Butch. Thanks, Butch, for being – I'm going to put him up there with maybe the coolest Christian name we've dealt with.

It's good. It's good. Well, there's a few members of a certain family that have had some interesting names. Yes, yes. Anyway, enough about that. I won't talk about that again. Let's get to number five in the Patreon raid this week. Oh, okay.

Funny, I've just... Anyway, thank you to Patreon subscriber... Well, they've done it again. The most generous family in comedy. Oh, you... Okay, yeah. Yeah. They've chipped in comedy. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah. They've chipped in again.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Grandmaster Comedy. Okay. I believe this is a... Now, sometimes you ask me if there's any detail at all about this, and I'm just looking. There's no detail, so I'm not... Oh, hang on. I found something.

So this is a rapper. That was actually going to be my guess. Right. Like, there's Grandmaster Flash. Right. So I was going to say this could just be... You're tempted to go some kind of... I don't know, what is the title of Grandmaster?

Like, it's... Well, I was looking at this thinking, I hope there's some detail, and I hope it's the right detail. I hope it's a rapper rather than, say, the boss of a white supremacist organisation. Yes, yes. But luckily it wasn't that. It was a rapper instead. Hey, there's still time for Grand Dragon Comedy to chip in.

Now, I might be wrong. We could go through the records. I believe this is our first rapper This is the first rapper that has donated to us Certainly the one that's used their A name that we can identify them with Yeah So wow

Thank you for Thanks to Grandmaster Comedy for For donating some of your Is there anything in there What sort of songs would people know Grandmaster Comedy from Just to jog people's memories. I don't believe at short notice that they have put

that in there, Tommy. I can't see that. A bit early for them, Pat. A bit early in the morning for them to be able to record their discography. Maybe if they had of donated at night, maybe they would have had a bit of that in there. But at nine o'clock in the morning, I don't believe they've left those details after a big night last night. I don't

think they've chucked any of their songs in there. It's weird that you know this much about them without knowing the songs that they've written. They seem to know a lot of details about their personal life. They've left that in there, but for some reason they haven't put the other stuff in there. I don't know why they've done it like that, but that's just what I'm reading out. Well, a real shame and a real missed opportunity for them, I have to say. Could have been a bit of an ad for their canon of work. I'd like to think that this is not a famous rapper,

because we've never heard of Grandmaster Comedy before. I'd like to think he's more of a... Maybe a bit obscure. Maybe he was kind of a bit of a cult figure back in the day, and this is the thing that kind of revitalises his career. Maybe we should do like our own Searching for Sugar Man but about Grandmaster Comedy. Yeah, yeah, maybe we should do that.

But, you know, if someone's hired Grandmaster Comedy for their wedding or anything like that, get back to us. I heard a rumour that Grandmaster Comedy is now dead and the way that he died was he blew his head off during a gig. Really? Yeah. You know that bit in Searching for Sugar Man where, like, that's the rumour about him at one point?

Oh, right, right, right. That he shot him. Like, no one can verify it, but that's a vague rumour that he shot himself on stage during a gig. And it's like, if that had happened, everyone would fucking, it wouldn't be speculative. Everyone would fucking know about it. No, but this is, you know, the Searching for Sugar Man thing,

that was all pre-internet, so it was a lot harder. But still, people know fucking JFK got shot. That happened pre-internet. Yeah, but he was very famous. Yeah, look, I don't know. You'd like to think that someone mid-concert honking on a shotty is enough of a story at the time. But do you remember being at school and stories like that?

No, I do not. Oh, okay. All right. Do you remember being at home from the ages of four till 18 watching TV? Just decided to be uncooperative about everything you throw at me from now on. Nope. Don't remember. No and.

Don't know him. Yep. But, you know, those rumours that go around on pre-internet, you just couldn't look it up. Yeah, true. You'd just be like, I heard this guy died. There was always those great school rumours. I heard Bobby McFerrin saying, don't worry, be happy.

He walked off a cliff and killed himself. That was one that did the rounds a few times just because it was like too ironic. Like, oh, this is perfect. People will believe this. Yeah, that's the secret, isn't it? Make it really ironic. That's what makes people want to believe.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how many times I went around the school, Michael Jackson died. People loved spreading that one. Before he actually died. So when he actually did die, I was like, bullshit. Prince taking ribs out to be able to suck his own dick. Oh yeah?

It was a big one. Yeah. Well, I'm glad we've left on that note. It's a fitting tribute to Grandmaster Comedy and the amount of money that he gave us, which is $69. $69. Fantastic. Generous.

Very generous. This would be a great Good Friday Royal Hospital appeal. Nice, yeah. Just everyone donating $69. The Good Friday for two. Fuck. You know what? Next time the Good Friday.

The Great Friday. Yeah. Next time the... You know what? Next time the Good Friday. The Great Friday. Yeah. Next time the Royal Good Friday Appeal is on TV, please, if you're going to donate anything to that very worthy appeal, can you do it under the name of Someone Comedy? Oh, yes, and make it $69. And make it $69. Great, great.

Let's remember this next Easter. Yes, someone remind us on the socials and we'll get it. We'll try and get that going. That would be great. We will do it. If we can get on. Yeah, yeah. Oh, totally.

We will do it. We will do it. Chuck it $69 to the rule. Good Friday appeal under a name like that. And do they still do the thing where like you, they'll do stuff on air? Like you can go this much? I'm not sure

if I've talked about this you have and it's one of the worst stories I've ever heard I won't say it again but I have done that before but like if we could go

you know we'll put in a hundred bucks if Andrew O'Keefe just looks down the barrel and gives it a bit of a cutie yes that would be worth doing

totally worth be worth doing so we'll try that we'll try that as well. All right. All right. Well, thanks for listening to the show, guys. Thanks for chipping in on Patreon.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can go to find the links to the Patreon, the tickets for the live shows that we have coming up, and our merch and all of that sort of stuff. You keep buying the T-shirts, so thank you very much. Yes. So you get on there. You get the black aware one. You get the white-shirts. So thank you very much. Yes. So you get on there, you get the black aware one, you get the white burger one. We've still got odds and ends

of the Koh Samui Podcast Festival elephant t-shirts and they're very discounted at the moment and summer is coming up so in the southern hemisphere at the very least so we've still got a bunch

of the singlets that are not date stamped or anything like that so they're starting to move again. Yep. What else is there? There's a few odds and ends of the 043H shirts, stuff like that, so they're starting to move again. Yep. What else is there? There's a few odds and ends of the 0438 shirts, stuff like that. So get onto all of that.

They all go very quickly. We're about to reorder again for some of those T-shirts. So you keep buying them. We bring them to live shows. You snap them up. So thank you very much for that. Once again, thank you to everyone who came along to the Brisbane show. You guys are bananas.

Yeah, that was sick. We're going to have to get a bigger venue next time because you guys sold out per capita the quickest of anything we've ever done, I reckon. Yeah. And next week, we'll be back with Live from Sydney. Oh, back-to-back live ones. Yeah. All right.

Look forward to that one. Bye, mates.