The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 365 - Live! Yumi Stynes, Adam Richard & Harley Breen.

Episode Date: October 4, 2017

This is it! The biggest, most prestigious gig we've ever done... that we can't specifically name in this episode description. We're joined by guests ADAM RICHARD, HARLEY BREEN, YUMI STYNES... and a special surprise drop in. Rest assured, in absolutely no way do we rise to the occasion. Instead, we dress poorly, get beers delivered on stage, offend most of our guests, eat hamburgers, air some grievances AND there's a new episode of Rad Dad!Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up: MELBOURNE: We're doing a huge live show with FIONA O'LOUGHLIN and LAWRENCE MOONEY! SATURDAY OCTOBER 21. Tickets here. PERTH: We're heading over for our annual huge Dum Dum event. SUNDAY NOVEMBER 19. Tickets here.CANBERRA: We're doing it again. A huge live show in your city. SATURDAY NOVEMBER 25. Tickets here.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbecasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a huge live episode from the Sydney Opera House featuring Harley Breen, Adam Richard, Yumi Steins and a special surprise guest. But before we get into that, we've got to tell you about our next big live event in Melbourne, October the 21st. Carl, what on earth are we doing? We are going back to the Croxton Band Room at the Croxton Park Hotel in sunny Melbourne, Australia.

We are doing a big, big, big old show. It's going to be special guests Lawrence Mooney and Fiona O'Loughlin, our favourite pairing of the show of all time. So we've got a tonne of tickets sold. We haven't got that long to go until the big show. We're going to have a few surprises, so please, there's still time to grab a bunch of tickets and make it a real rock and roll style show because that's the sort of venue we're at.

We're literally – I think Bernard Fanning is playing there like about three days later or something like that. Yeah, Bernard Fanning, Future Islands are there later in the year. Lots of great bands play at that venue. We've gone from the opera house and the big concert halls to the grimy, sticky carpeted pubs. I mean, we'll do anywhere, you know? I think we've gone a bit from Dame Nellie Melba to Studio Echo.

Yes. Yeah. So that's like three weeks away. That's close enough now that I've officially started to get excited about it. Right. Yeah, I've officially started to think about it. So, yeah, we've got a few different little ideas for that.

Plus, I mean, like we said, we don't usually announce the guests, so this is a rare one, so you know exactly what you're in for. You know it's going to be dark. You know it's going to be funny. You know it's going to be – you know you're going to see a lot of stuff that's not going to end up in the final edit. Yeah. So that's going to be heaps of fun.

It'll be a big party as well. Yeah. So please get along to that. Get to that. Then what's next up in the final edit. Yeah. So that's going to be heaps of fun. It'll be a big party as well. Yeah. So please get along to that. Get to that. Then what's next? We have Perth. If you go past there at the moment, there's some sweet signage of us.

Like we're a proper grown-up show. There's some proper advertising going on if you're in the region at the moment. Yeah, get a photo of yourself with our big poster, like giving us the finger or, you know, kissing us or whatever. Don't give us the finger. That would be rude, I think.

I would expect more of listeners to this show. So then following that, we have November the 19th in Perth, the big Dum Dumma Palooza stand-up live podcast, us bringing guests over to your fine state. Always an awesome afternoon over there in Perth at the end of the year, so please get along to that if you are in the area. Got some good guests confirmed already, so it's sure to be another very fun afternoon slash night over there in Perth.

And we know you guys look forward to it because we only go there once a year, so it's our little annual catch-up with the familiar faces of friends over there. Yeah, the W angels. And then a few newies every year, so it's always a bit bigger and a bit bigger every year, so looking forward to meeting new people that have got on board in the last 12 months, Perth, so please keep up your fine reputation. And then following that, November the 25th, we are going to be in Canberra.

We're driving up again, once again a carload of great guests from Melbourne. Yeah, that last show we did last year was awesome. We packed out the venue, so we thought you guys were so good that we've got to officially do it again. We're at a different venue this year so go to the website to find out exactly where we are because we were in Captain Cook's granny flat last year. So this year we're in an actual – this year we're in a venue

that's been built in the last 200 years. Yes, so not to sound too hoity-toity but, yeah, la-dee-da. Yeah, a bit of electricity involved. It's pretty sweet. So, yeah, tickets to all of that stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com. We also have our T-shirts on sale. If you want to adorn yourself with some of our sweet merchandise, get onto that.

Email us or we will be bringing them, lugging them around the country to the gigs. So get them in. And we should also say Patreon. If you like the show enough and you want to contribute to keeping the lights on here, then you can do that on our Patreon page. We offer a bunch of rewards that people seem to really enjoy, including a bonus newsletter that we do every month, a bonus episode that we do every month.

And part of it is we read your name out and cyber bully you at the end of this episode. So stick around to that to hear if your name has been read out. Stick around. There's a lot of free content at the end but for now, this is a very exciting moment. Wait, I have one more thing I'd like to plug quickly. If you are in Shanghai, China or Singapore, little Tommy Daslow is going to be over there doing some shows.

I'm going to be in Shanghai on the 27th and 28th of October, I believe it is. No, the 26th and 27th of October in Shanghai and then October the 31st in Singapore. So straight after the Croxton gig, you'll be flying out basically. Jetting out. It does take four days to fly there, so I will be going straight to the airport.

Training? Yep, get the Skybus, all that stuff. So, yeah, guys, yeah, I don't know if we have any listeners in that area, but come down and see how my John Hoppawattay material translates to the Chinese. To the Chinese. Well, I'm sure I'll come back with some wonderful, wonderful tales from that trip.

But, yes, this episode is live from the Sydney Opera House, which we were not allowed to say in the description of this episode on iTunes. Yeah, great show. Thanks to everyone who came out to this one. This was awesome. Great show, great audience. Real defining moment for us to be playing such a prestigious venue and such a size of a crowd in Sydney as well.

So super excited to do this and I think it comes through. I think it was a great episode and I think there's going to be quite a few talking points off the back of it, which I've already discovered. Yeah, I think this will be a good six-month cool-down from this episode. This already has sent shockwaves through the comedy industry. It has. It's already ended up with me getting a few requests of some right of replies.

Yes, and not only that, I mean, I have something happen to me in this episode too, which itself is an ongoing thing which you'll be hearing about in a future episode. Wow. Yeah, this is a landmark day for the Little Dum Dum Club. So anyway, enjoy this episode. Harley Breen, Adam Richard and Yumi Steins from the Sydney Opera House. Hey, mate! Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club,

live from the Sydney Opera House. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. I just realised, you know what we forgot to do in our tech rehearsal? Tell the tech that this is being recorded.

Oh, yeah, are you recording this? What? You knew that was part of the deal, right? OK, how hard is it... For someone responsible for sound, can you give us a sound? Is that a yes fuck is that a yes to you can give us a sound or a yes to you can record it and are you mic'd up so everyone at home knows yes this is recording it is okay great do we need to

do the start again okay that sounded like you didn't record the start. That sounds like it's okay for me, not for you. We're never allowed back in here, are we? This is it. All right. Fuck. I think he just hit stop. Well, there might not be any evidence of this after the gig,

so we can fucking do what we want at this point. By the way, did you forget to put your suit in the dryer and put yourself in the dryer instead? No. So, we had this plan. You were like, hey, we should suit up because you're wearing the tux that you wore at your wedding last weekend. Hang on, hang on.

I'm sorry, at my what? It's the first time you've ever bought a suit that didn't cost $3 on a beach in Thailand, so you want to get the most mileage out of it. This is Koh Samui's finest. Oh, shit! The absolute madman. Really?

I bought it at a little podcast festival I went to. You're a fucking loser, man. Anyway, this suit that I'm wearing, so I... That's right, I'm the loser. So, I wore my suit. For for people at home Tommy has an extraordinarily large suit on yes yes so I was at your wedding and I got my suit out and it had gotten a bit dirty and I was like I need to take it in and get dry cleaned this all happened at the last minute I pick it up this morning from the dry cleaners I have to borrow

a suit bag from a friend I carry it on the plane I drag it to the hotel I drag it up this morning from the dry cleaners, I have to borrow a suit bag from a friend, I carry it on the plane, I drag it to the hotel, I drag it down here, I take it out of the bag, they've given me the wrong fucking suit. By the way... They appear to have given me David Byrne's suit from the Stop Making Sense Talking Heads concert film, so I look like a fucking idiot. You look like halfway through Honey I Shrunk the Dasolo And this all happened like half an hour ago So as we're getting ready to walk on it's like Oh shit

You from your dressing room go So what should we talk about up the top I'm putting my leg into one of the pants going I reckon I got something brewing over here Fuck me I think you were putting both legs into one of the pant legs. It's so big. It really is like

just... Is even the little handkerchief too big in your pocket as well? These pants are so big my dick barely fits in them. They are fucking... Does that make sense? I tried. That's when we all stopped finding it funny just then. It was like,

he's got a big suit, big dick, not funny. So now I don't know if I'm ever going to get my actual suit back. Like, I was worried about it going, well, that's just gone forever. Because my suit's a good one. This is some piece of shit that your mob fucking did up. Like, it's real...

What? Excuse me. Hang on. But I think you'll find my mob do a pretty good job Hey it fits perfectly I'll give it that Yeah But I was like Oh well now I'm never going to get the suit back Like it's just gone forever

And you made the very good point of like This suit is so big on you There's no way that the owner of that suit Is fitting into your fucking suit I'll tell you what I reckon If the owner that got your suit Is now doing a live podcast

He's getting an even bigger laugh than you are. Yeah, way too tight is better than way too big I reckon, yeah. You can grow into that. You're still growing. Yeah. Yeah, I'll just have to fucking eat real hard. I'll just have to take some Dilruch lessons. Yeah.

Lazy. Yeah. Yeah, it's been enough about Dilruch. That was funny. So we are here at the Opera House. This is fucking amazing. Give yourselves a huge round of applause for coming out to see this. This is so fucking cool. It feels like...

Like you guys are right into it from the get-go and that's awesome. It kind of feels like we walk out going, oh, wow, they're really excited to see us. I think you're sort of partially really excited to be in the Opera House more, though. Would that be correct? Some of you... Oh, one of you is in a Koh Samui singlet.

How the fuck did you get in? Isn't there some sort of dress code? Can you... You shouldn't come in... Or did you take your clothes off? Hang on, is that your suit? I think I'd look better in that right about now. Yeah.

Do you want to literally trade? Do you want to literally try it? Do you want to... Later, later, later. We'll do it later. That can be a big grand finale right before we crowd surf. Yeah, exactly. As we crowd surf, you can do that. So, yeah, sweet.

Hey, so I disappeared before. You were in the green room with our guests and I kind of went into the loading bay. I thought this would be a fun idea. Something I've always thought would be cool. I have, I'm a bit hungry. So I went to the front desk and I got on Uber Eats and I've ordered a pizza to be delivered on stage at the gig.

Wow. I've gone to the, I've gone to the security desk. I've put a pass there and made sure that it's all going to be cool. So. Really? Yeah. So I've got my phone on. He'll probably presumably call me in like 15 minutes or something.

But you've got your phone on. I don't know if you've noticed, there's no reception in here, which I was like, sweet, no one's going to fucking ring me on stage. Oh, my God. I've got one bar. What about your phone reception? But I've got one text message What about your phone reception? But I've got one text message that just came through from ages ago

from Adam Rich, from a guest coming up. I think I saved that. I got one text from... Oh, the owner of this suit. Great. Yeah. Fuck, that's literally on my list.

I'm going to have to cross that off. Fuck. I've got one text from him that just says, I'm in the foyer with your crazy fans. I thought you guys would find that funnier than that, but now I realise why not. But, wow, how's this? I mean,

it's very easy to go, you know, we've come from this point and now we're at this point or whatever, but, you know, us doing a podcast like six years ago to no-one and then being in the Opera House, it's pretty insane. With that, you dressed like that, I feel like I'm on This Is Your Life. Are you about to bring out my cancer from back there and, like, recognise this voice? I've got the big book and I'm just reading all the successful things

you've done and we're done. So... I've got the big book and I'm just reading all the successful things you've done and we're done. Don't shrink into that suit. I mean, fuck, pretty amazing that we're here, I think. Sydney Opera House, I mean, they're fucked up clearly, but what a massive admin mistake. But I was reading a bit of the history of the Sydney Opera House. Oh, yes. Because I was a little bit spooked by being here, by being in these surroundings, in this prestigious venue.

But I came to think, maybe we're not so different, us and the Sydney Opera House. So this is a short... What a run-up to this bit. This is going to be wonderful. Don't cut me off at the legs. So the original... I read the original cost estimate for the Sydney Opera House was $7 million,

right? Thank you. This guy. No shit, idiots. Does everyone in Sydney just know that? Does that get taught in schools here? Really, you do? Makes sense when you think about it. Original cost estimate was $7 million.

Final cost, $102 million. Okay, so it blew out. So it blew out, you know, as you should to fit in that suit. So then, so original cost, $7 million. Final cost, $102 million. It ended up being largely paid for by a state lottery. I'm like, fucking this joint sounds a little bit like the Kosamu Podcast Festival. That's great.

They crowdfunded it. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. By Tats Lotto. The supplementary's paid for all this. So they kind of Patreoned the Sydney Opera House. Yeah, yeah. Is there like a room that's just got like sweet riffs

on people's names that contributed? Yeah. And the Sydney Symphony Orchestra, they've got a rule, when they're on stage here, they need the temperature to be exactly 22.5 degrees to stay in tune. So they've got that power to call that. So I'm like, now that we're on stage,

can we hit the thermostat to 69 degrees, please, guys? 69, and then we'll overheat, so just bring it back down to a cool 6.9, and we'll just kind of hover back and forth between those for the whole gig. This is recording, right? Because it's going great. It'd be a shame to lose it. Also, did we want to talk up top about the whole...

We've mentioned the name of this place, but should we be? Oh, yes. So we got told during the week that if we... On this podcast recording, if we publicise that it's at the Sydney Opera House when we put it out, we have to pay $10,000. That's for real. Yeah.

So we've started the Kickstarter, guys. Be generous, cos it'd be really great to get some iTunes heat off this one. Yeah, there's, like, a lot... The Opera House, like, that's... Anyway, guys, welcome to the Sydney singing shed from now on. Thanks for coming. Great to be here in wherever the fuck this is. Could be anywhere.

The Sydney music bar. Yes. Welcome. Downstairs at the Chippendale Hotel once again in the basement. Oh, wow. Some fans. Great. Some people who've just gotten over the diseases they contracted last time.

Fantastic. Some people who just got released by the Austrian person, the runner. Fucking hell. Very good. It sounds better coming from this suit, though, really, doesn't it? Yeah. What if I said it in this suit? Like, just been released by the fucking Austrian cunt. What if I turned up to a court case wearing this?

How do you think I'd go? Well, not well, because the case would be you stole someone's fucking suit. It's like one tram fine that I'm contesting and I get done for murder and kidnapping. I get all these new charges thrown at me. Oh, man. Yeah, you murdered someone for their suit.

And he was a big boy. Should we get a guest out here? Well, should we mention one final thing before we get... Fucking hell. For people at home, Milan has walked on the stage with a lot of beers in his formal vest. Milan, say hey to the people. Best night ever. Best night ever. Best night ever. You guys are chanting along like you think there's enough for you.

Who just for then, that was their first time seeing Milan? And he's sexier than you thought he'd be? Also, who just texted their boss to say, I won't be coming in tomorrow? Yeah, what was the thing you wanted to get to? Oh, let's bring on a guest. Oh, OK, cool. I can't top free beer. Folks, please welcome our first guest this evening, Adam Richard!

Hi. You know, when I've put on a bit of weight, I also buy clothes that are too big. Can I borrow that jacket you're wearing now? It might be a snugger fit. It probably is. It's from the Red Circle Boutique. The Bread Circle Boutique?

The Red Circle Boutique. The Bread Circle? The Red Circle. Target. Oh, OK. Could have gone either way with you. I'm not dill. Not shelving a fucking Vegemite scroll.

Now that's fat. That's really fat. That's fat because you can't even put weight on doing that. That's just going to come straight out. You can. Yeah, that's a love of the craft. You can absorb fat from anywhere. Can you put on weight by putting food up your bum? Yeah. Yeah, that's a love of the craft. You can absorb fat from anywhere.

Can you put on weight by putting food up your bum? Yeah. I knew we should have got Dr Karl on this one. I was telling you, let's get him in. That's more of a Mr Karl question, to be fair. Okay, Mr Karl, can you put on weight by putting a Vegemite scroll up your ass? I'll field this one. I fucking don't know.

Well, thanks for being on this prestigious... It's very exciting. Have you been... Because you're living in Sydney, have you performed on the stage of the Opera House before? The main one, yes. Oh, OK. I was doing the sound check. Hang on, did you have a dress on and you were singing at the end of something?

Yes. I'm Paulini. I'm going to jail. No, it was like an end of year comedy spectacular gala thing. You know, they stick them on whenever. And I was doing the sound check and they had I did not know this, but you know about propensity to drop the C-bomb

in opportune times? Chicken nuggets? Yeah. Celine Dion. Anyway, I dropped the C-bomb and someone said, oh Adam, there is a Japanese tour group just going through around. I was like, oh good. G'day cunts.

Fuck, I'm glad it was that C-bomb. Jesus Christ. Oh my god. Oh my god. That would be lovely if someone came in and went, thanks for keeping it polite there. In Japanese that means, hi! I like toys.

My boyfriend's a different kind of Asian. I don't know what the Japanese do. Well, let's move on real quick. It's a rabbit hole we will never get out of. Don't say holes around him. I've never fucked a rabbit hole. Can you put on weight if you put a Vegemite scroll in a rabbit hole? Yeah, let's get back to that fruitful fucking subject.

Our salad days. Now, we didn't choose this, did we, Tommy? But we were invited to come here. This is not an open mic we signed up for or anything. This is something that people asked us to do. So we didn't pick the here. This is not something, an open mic we signed up for or anything. This is something that people asked us to do. So we didn't pick the venue, we didn't pick the location, we didn't pick the date.

But it just happens that we've been asked to come here on R U OK? Day. Directly next to the biggest bridge in Sydney. So I assume they're not anticipating this will go well. So look, we should, we have an obligation to the day, it is a serious thing, so it goes without saying, are you okay you pack of stupid cunts?

Well there you go, that's done my due diligence there. I was thinking about 60 people answered by the way. Everyone else is like, I found out that West people answered that by the way. Everyone else was like, I found out that Westgate wasn't 10 hours away. Are you OK? We're here. Of course not. A lot of people were like, we were OK, but then we came here. Oh, fuck. Hello? Oh.

Yeah? Did he really? Are you in the back? Where are you? Oh, my God. The opera house is shelving a pizza. Just come on. Just come up onto the stage. Just, yeah, yeah, I'm up here.

Come up onto the stage. Oh, my God. Have you got a Vegemite scroll? For people at home, Dilrock Giles Singer is throwing cheeseburgers into the crowd. That's not a pizza, you fucking idiot. Wow. He just walked down a flight

of stairs. It's a little less Uber Eats, a little more Uber Sweats. I literally landed half an hour ago and had to go through a drive-through thing to get some nuggets. I have no luggage on me. This is an idea. You look like you're carrying a bit of luggage, to be fair, though. You do look like luggage. I am not okay mate.

I'm just going to say that. We were talking about this today. I've told you there is not enough rope with tensile strength to kill you. That's why I said I'm going with ice cream and burgers. It's taking forever. How far away do we have to do a podcast

for you to not fucking show up to one? I have the answer. Montreal. He calls me up yesterday and goes, should I come up for it? I'm like, fucking don't feel obligated. I don't care. It'd be nice to get a bit of a break from you. Meanwhile, we have two guests backstage going, oh, fucking good I don't care. It'd be nice to get a bit of a break from you. On brand. Meanwhile we have two guests backstage going,

oh, fucking good one. Anyway, I just came to eat some burgers. You continue with what you're doing. Well, should we get our second guest out here? Sure. Folks, please give it up for huge friend of the show, Harley Brane! Harley!

You have to stay there. I drove here in my car from my house because I live in Sydney. It's good to be here. Did she take your car? He's a fucking idiot. Do you want a burger? No, I don't want a burger Look at me Yeah I know You look terrible

He's thin now You think this happens From eating like you You fucking fat cunt By the way This has been Good to see you mate This is kind of Harley's idea

We were gigging on Tuesday You're like Just fucking come away Don't put me in this shit But you know This has been broadcast Out there You're on a screen Have we really? Massively Like everyone who's Buying a drink Just fucking come away. Don't put me in this shit. But you know this has been broadcast out there. You're on a screen.

Are we really? Massively. Like everyone who's buying a drink has to hear you guys. Really? Oh, hell yes. Drink up, cunts. Milan only bought us like eight beers. Can you bring us some fucking more?

Wow, this place is going to lose its licence. Because we've talked a bit about this, but we got some new news during the week. Someone looked on the TripAdvisor page for the Ozo Samui Chuing Resort, and there's, like, extra reviews going, I love the place, I won't come back because there was these idiot Australians saying cunt

and we had our kids there in the pool. But that's great, because that person writing that review is like, what do you want to take, me fucking son, or a north fucking family land porn land? All of this is going to go in the foyer, and Dame Nellie Melba will hear it and never gig here again. She's a bit dead. Well, she's definitely not gigging here again, man.

Well, she's certainly not okay, mate. Yeah, yeah. I don't think they'd put living people other than the Queen on the money. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. She's on the $100. Oh, is she? You wouldn't have never seen one of those. You know when we get paid for gigs?

Oh, wow. And they come in multiples of $100. Awesome. My Uber cunt order just turned up. I'd have laughed at it, but my multiple with burger... I nearly choked. Why don't you stop more often, then? It's good to have mates, isn't it?

I'm so glad I did this. I suck, I love the opera. You have to put one up your arse too to see if it puts one away. Yeah. All right, new challenge accepted. Prove it. Prove it.

Get a scales, weigh yourself before the show, stick one up your ass. Right, and then? And then weigh yourself after the show. So what do you reckon is the second worst show to ever happen in the Sydney Opera House? I was here at the Opera House in 2008 and Rolf Harris was performing. Where was he performing? At the Playhouse. This is 100% true.

I didn't go to the show, but I went to the merch stand and I bought my own wobble board. Because I thought it was a cool accessory. Oh. See, the wobble board was an accessory to your gut. Yeah, when you walked on here I felt like this stage was a fucking wobble board. Yeah, when you walked on here I felt like this stage was a fucking bubble I'm going back to Melbourne Why did you come here?

This is very strange You know how needy I am I do know how needy you are Yeah, I'm a big fan of the podcast And can I ask a potentially personal question? Where are you staying tonight? Good question Can I stay a potentially personal question? Where are you staying tonight? Good question. Can I stay with you Adam?

You and your Asian boy? You and your Asian boy? Dear lord. My couch is broken. What happened? Hang on. Wait, wait. Yeah, that was going to happen anyway.

I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. That should have got more because no one had Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch.

I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Notre Dame couch. I think you're seeing into the future, Nostradam. That should have got more, because no one heard Nostradam. Nostradam is the best. Can I crash at someone's house? Oh, hell yeah. I do sleep naked, though. Can we get another microphone?

No, there's another microphone back there. We just needed it installed. There we go. Fucking hell, here we go. You've got to sit in order. You're going to confuse someone. Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever heard Wood scream? Kimber!

So did you get a splinter? Stop ringing me. 0474996 8484 Yes, you're ringing Brave of you, I'll give it the last digit, 9 Alright, fuck it, I'll field this one Hello, Carl speaking Hello Carl, how are you doing? I'm good, thank you

Is there a seat free in the front row on my lap would you like to sit in the front row I would love to be seated there but unfortunately I'm not where are you on a plane you're on a plane you are you? On a plane. You're on a plane?

You're ringing me from a plane? Is this like a 9-11 last phone call thing? Oh my god. Lest we forget. I'm sure they'll take you to a better place. Are you really ringing from a plane? Yeah, we just landed. Oh, you just landed. Oh, you just landed.

Oh, right, so it's not flying. Boring. Alright, let's get our next guest out here. Folks, she's been on the show for ages. Great friend of the show. Please welcome back into the little diner club, Yumi Steins! great friend of the show please welcome back into the little Donald up you me so get a dickhead for 25 minutes I could have caught the next ferry.

I know why you got me here. It's because it's a big fucking cock forest. Also, because as offensive as we are, we're not the most horrible person who's ever been on television. How did you hear that? Well, until Yasmin, obviously. So, so far we've had my mob making your suits. Some Japanese shaming, some fat shaming. Yeah, some fat shaming.

Disability shaming. I haven't even started about me avoiding Noah in the plebiscites. Yumi makes a good point. Fellas, we better pick up the pace. Thank you for coming here, Yumi. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah. You did...

We sent you a message... I sent you a message a couple of days ago. And you were very gracious to say, who fucking pulled out? To which... It was two days ago. We don't usually book that far in advance. Yeah, that is true.

But you did say, yes, I thank you very much. And then I told you which room. And you said, ha ha, yes, I thank you very much. And then I told you which room and you said, ha ha, you're in the fucking small room. Well, congratulations on being here. It's up and up for you guys, isn't it, with your suits? Mm.

I've got two now. That's the biggest thing that's happened for us lately. We've got suits. Yeah, I wanted to be reassuring for Tommy and say, you know, it doesn't look that bad. And then I rubbed my eyes and went, it's real bad. It's really bad. It's real fucking bad.

Yeah, it looks like we're at your make-a-wish day. Oh, no, you are. You fucked it up twice. Your parents had brought that thingy grow into it and then go, oh, he's not going to make it. Better get him to wear it now. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I fucking love the opera.

Fuck yeah. So you walked through the foyer into the gig and you had the wonderful experience of being around some of these generous people who've given their time and money to come see the show. Yeah, I couldn't remember which room you told me to come. I knew it was one of the small ones,

so I thought I'll just shut my eyes and I'll look for the smell of unwashed hair. Oi! Come on. That's just how it looks normally. It's a natural shampoo. Oh. You meant to wipe that off on the toilet paper

Do you think that the dorks Tommy and Carl have come with you Like are they moving up as well, your fans? No but they're not, well some of them are No we've got a real mix I think our listeners I was going to say fans and I thought what the fuck am I saying Our listeners are

A real mix of people that don't go out that much and people that go out way too much, I think. Yeah, there's no in-between. There's no middle ground. There needs to be a word other than listeners and fans. What about aware-ees? Aware-ees, yeah. Aware-ees?

What? Can't. Good. That's our word for everything, by the way. I feel like that person was just going to yell that out at that exact moment no matter what the question was. Hire them as a writer for this show. Oh my god can you imagine if this show had writers?

Let's not spoil Rad Dad coming out tonight. Tonight I wish we had a writer for you because you've said two things that we will definitely fucking take out. That's what I do. How were you in radio for ten years? Yeah, fuck, man. How were you in radio for that long? I'm eight months in

and fuck, that bridge is looking invited. Well, I spend a thousand dollars a week on cocaine. Yes, I spend $1,000 a week on cocaine. Yeah, so I've done that. Finally, something to keep in. And then when I wasn't at work, I would do podcasts where I could say whatever I felt like. Yumi, you're on radio.

What are you... You just totally killed the vibe there. Now I'm just going to join Harley on the fucking bridge. I've been working on lots of radio, actually. I work on Harley's competition, except a different time slot. Yeah, I'm really worried about the competition. Yeah, I know. It's terrible. I'm watching the ratings all the time.

If you're looking at the ratings, I can understand why you're heading to the bridge. Well, that's how we did it for 10 years. We were number one. Yeah. Radio. The bosses don't break down your neck so much when they're making money.

The good old days when a white man can call up and say, hello, I'm from your cab company. Oh, my God. Good times. Did I tell you once they made me listen... Well, once, like, several times. They used to make me... If I'd been sick, they'd put the fucking racist gotcha calls on CDs. And because I was, like, always laughing in the background,

they would play the ones to me that I'd missed to record my laughter for the CD. Oh! So I'd be sitting record my laughter for the CD. So I'd be sitting alone in a booth pretending to laugh at racism. Pretending. You could tell when it was real because I'd go... That's cool, man. You were just following orders. You don't have to feel bad about that at all. You don't need to lose sleep over that.

You're fine, Hans. I just pushed them all into the showers. Doesn't matter. There's number three. You tiptoe around it. You know, you subtly and you just right in. Can you just make a note for us from now on every time Adam speaks?

Can you make a note? Just press pause on the recording. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. That'd be awesome. We were talking to yeah, great. That'd be awesome. So... We were talking to you, Min. We interrupted you. What were you saying? Well, I'm also doing a podcast for the ABC.

Nice. All right, mate. We've all got podcasts. Yeah, so I thought about how am I going to talk about it with Carl and Tommy tonight? Because it's all about lady stuff and every time you talk about lady stuff with you guys, you kind of get squirm a little bit.

Tommy's suit gets bigger. All the blood rushes to his suit. I was trying to describe you to my partner and I was like they're really nice kids. He's like, I've met them, they're not kids. He's like they're weathered kids. He's like, I've met them, they're not kids. Oh no. He's like, they're

weathered kids. Weathered kids? Look at that head. Is that a kid? I figured out... This guy's a bit more like a weathered tween, if you know what I'm saying. Well, I figured out backstage, you're actually very much like Aussie Rick and Morty. Like, you are...

The only piece of pop culture with a worse fan base than us excellent which one of them has the sick on them obviously Carl oh okay hmm now people are just yelling at references from Rick and Morty

sorry well played guys I'm sorry everyone I'm sorry I ruined it I'm Pickle Dill yay you called me the other day and you said should I call my next comedy festival show Sorry, I ruined it. I'm Pickle Dill. Yay! You called me the other day and you said,

should I call my next comedy festival show Pickle Dill? And I said, if your management are OK with having to be the ones that have to go out and fucking sell that, then go for your life. And what, the poster would be an illustration of you as a pickle? Yeah, instead I'm going with Rimjob, because I think that's more my brand. That's a good pun. What? He's taking Adam's show titles.

You had FGT? Yeah. Oh my god, I did like Studio 10. And they get you on Studio 10. What was that noise? I think there's a little child inside that's dying. Just heard a gotcha call. That was Jessica Rowe. I didn't know.

I thought she was an hors d'oeuvre. Or a toothpick with an hors d'oeuvre around her. No, I was doing that show and they, like, because they get you on and they don't pay you, so they give you, like, you know, 90 seconds to talk about your... Promo. Yeah, and so they have to do it because that's you getting paid. And not at any point

had anyone in the pre-interviews asked me what hashtag FGT stood for, the show that I was promoting. So Jessica Rowe on live television goes, So, Adam, what does FGT stand for? You said fat gay tool? No, I said the truth. I said, oh, it's a

homophobic slur. And she went, oh! And the rest of the segment was like people tiptoeing around going, oh, don't let him say the word. Don't let him say the word on the television. So you tiptoed around it when you were on TV, but here you're just saying

all this stuff, just going for it. Okay, fair. Are there broadcasting standards in podcasting? Is that new? Before that, before They were going to be after this. Before Studio 10, there was The Circle, which Yumi was on. Yes. I was on it once. Do you remember

that? Do you want the truth? Honestly or not honestly? I'm not going to tell her. No, she doesn't. That's fair. Were you on the television? I don't remember that. He sucked up the bowling ball

with a vacuum cleaner. Harley was on it. I was on it. Were you? We used to sexually harass Harley for sport. As if you wouldn't. But he was drunk most mornings.

I was the warm-up guy for the circle we had between anywhere from 20 to 40 middle-aged women that had nothing better to do to come in and watch the show. And it was my job to make sure they were ready to watch the show. And I would try out material on that audience. They're middle-aged women and I was doing gear about going to Nimbin, Mardi Gras Festival.

And Georgie Coughlin would walk past me going, are you talking about doing bongs to 40-year-old women? I'm like, yeah, I love it. Well, the one time I was on The Circle, like Georgie was one of the hosts and she was, I was promoting the book that I had out those years ago and she at one stage went,

I can just tell you're just a really nice person to me. And then it just cuts to because Tommy and Nick Cody were in the crowd and I couldn't help it, I just went And there's two people in the crowd just pissing themselves. For those of you listening

that was sceptical face. Sceptical face. So no memory of this guy at all? No, no. You wrote a book, though, obviously. He didn't write a book. He just took other people's material. We wrote a book.

He took the money. He assembled some jokes. It was a loving tribute to comedy. It was like one of Koshi's books, but shit. Yeah, because your jokes were the content. I didn't give you nothing. Oh, okay. So,

I don't know if people have heard about this, but I got married the other day. Shit! So, thanks to some of you guys for coming. Thank you. Thanks for the advance notice. Yeah. I hope everyone advance notice. Yeah.

I hope everyone enjoyed it. Well, you know, look, it was Harley, Dil and Tommy out of here. Yep. I hope you all enjoyed it. You had fun? Yeah, I had a great time. I sat next to Harley. It was awesome. Yeah, we had a great time. Yumi, if you'd gotten an invite, would you have flown down for it? No. We missed out. How much

would they have to have paid you for you to show up at Carl's wedding? Six grand. airfares, hair and makeup and a nanny That's actually not bad, that's less than some people charge us to be on this podcast Yeah, we've had a recent charge of a lot of money Really? Has someone sent you an invoice? We'll talk about it after the show

No, talk about it now How much? It's up there It's a considerable amount of money. Yeah. It's extraordinary. Was it after they'd been on they sent you an invoice or they... Let's try and not talk about it at all.

I want to know. Did you guys try and do something with a Vegemite scroll with this person? No, but this person has definitely shelved some shit in his time. Yeah. We asked Dr Karl and he was like, look, I don't know, I'm happy to put myself on the line and do it, but this is my fee for the answer. Yeah.

End of that bit. So... LAUGHTER I never thought I'd see a day where you were up for talking about your wedding more than something else. Please, God, let's get on to the topic of me getting married. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, Carl. I had to go to the snow.

Yeah, yeah. That's fine. Is that cocaine again? Yeah. Yeah. Someone just said, nah. Dil, what was your favourite part of my wedding? Oh, here we go.

Food. Obviously, you ate a lot, man. Yeah, because I'm not drinking these days. That's true. You eat twice as much. Well, it is. If you paid for it, how much do you reckon it would be worth? What do you mean? Whenever I go to a wedding, like when I went to

Ronnie Ching's wedding, I was like, I'm going to eat that, that, that, that, that, and that. I reckon that's about a hundred bucks worth of food. You stupid fuck. Because that's the value of the present that I brought. It was high-quality food, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Carl Chandler, you put on a very good show. It was great.

Thank you. I think the food was great. It was delicious. Can I ask, I want a picture. Where was it? Because I'm picturing a barn. Macca's. Are we allowed to say where it was?

Macca's Party Room. Picturing people sitting on bales of hay. It was the ballroom at Ikea. We can say it now because now people can't fucking hide. Yes, yeah. It was at Ikea. We had to pay for It was the ballroom at Ikea. We can say it now because now people can't fucking hide down. It was at Ikea. We had to pay for our own food but the meatballs were only like five bucks for a huge plate so not too bad. It's like fine.

You had to put your vows together yourself. Boo. If you want to get a divorce, where's that fucking Allen key? Get me out of this. You guys genuinely should get to the bridge. That's the fucking Alan Keat you guys genuinely should get to the bridge that's the fucking worst people don't know comedy I don't know the lowest of the law I haven't wanted

to walk off one of your stages more I just flew in here boy on my arm stay ex Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt. Now there's a pool named after him. Can you fucking imagine such a thing? Thanks very much. I've been Tommy Dassel. I'm Tim, your waitress. I'll see you next time. It's good to be here.

I'm from Adelaide, so it's good to be anywhere really. I'm just going to finish the show like this. If you were really, you would get a nut out. Just one nut. That is the only original content in the last five minutes. That's fine.

Anyway, I appreciate that you enjoyed the food and it was a heap of stuff. Yumi, I mean, if you would have come to the wedding... I wouldn't. Hypothetically. But what's your politics on this? You go to a wedding, present or no present? But what's your politics on this?

You go to a wedding, present or no present? Where's this going to go at one day? Everyone shush it up. What do you think is etiquette on that? I'm Asian. Oh, thank you for pointing that out. So there's no present. You never turn up empty handed to anything, especially when someone's showing you hospitality.

In your particular case, I wouldn't bring a present. I'd bring money. Yeah. Oh! In the red on my... You're so poor-looking. You look terrible. You need a haircut.

You need a sewer. You look like shit, mate. No, we're not talking to Tommy. We're talking to Carl. Hey, so you never turn up anywhere empty-handed? No. What are we getting for... Pretty hospitable, don't you think?

No, you're getting her talent and ability. Fair. Okay. Well, the reason I bring that up, actually, Yumi, is because I... You know, we had the big shindig. It cost a lot of money. Yes.

So on my... Fuck, I keep doing that. My wife's side. Fuck, that feels weird. Old habits are hard to break. Oh, man. Get it out. You're a child.

You can't teach an old fucked dog new tricks. It feels real yuck. Can I say something? I'm going to say... They're barking cunts like... She's going to love this bit of romance. That feels real yuck. It feels real luck.

Enough about what she said on the wedding night. Get into the rest of the story. Tripped over it. Fuck. So, her side of the invites, like, to a man, every person brought along a present. My side was a lot of comedians. Two-thirds of them, two thirds, didn't

bring a present. What do you think of that stat? 70%. 70% of the people I invited that I think are friends. Dil's feeling a lot better about himself now. 70%. What do you think about that for a stat? And Carl, they drank

four fifths of the piss. Exactly. And some of. Yes, they did. And some of them ate a real lot. I ate one of Diane's uncles. Don't say her name. Whatever her name is. Carl, what was the best present that you got? Best present?

Oh, you know what? A hand shandy in the toilet. Best present was a certain Serbian gun runner friend of mine called Milan Krencevic, who... Was this it? Yeah, and that was the best one.

Still more than Dilgove. A bath baby's bath full of beer. He gave a lot of money. A lot of money. He's a very generous man. And I think he was just trying to launder money, to be fair. Do you remember... Way to stitch him up,

because now all these pricks are going to be after some of that at the end of the gig. Yeah, well, that was going to happen anyway. No, I think with Milan, every time he goes to a wedding, he thinks of all the weddings he's had for himself and the amount of money he's had to, you know, part with to various women. And he figures if he gives it to you...

I won't hear a word against Milan. If he gives it to you, he doesn't have to give it to the next one. You are a wrong person, and I'm saying that just as we need a refill, you bad person. Do you remember what I told you as soon as I met you? You were in the church part of it.

The church part of it. Well, there was like a chapel, sort of a fake chapel that they set up. Yeah, there was. And you were there by yourself. Do you remember the first thing he came up and said to you? Yeah, because that was the most memorable part of that day. Well, I came up and said to you, I go, hey, can I borrow some cash so I can give it back to you?

Oh, man. I don't remember that. Did you try and borrow cash off the group? I was joking. I was a joke. Obviously not a funny one. It's not very funny. Do you realise that now?

So what's that, Yumi? You wanted to know exactly who didn't give a present. Well, off the top of my head, let me think about it. And now, the top 12 Titus Cunts who attended Carl Chandler's wedding. Number 12, Nick Capper. Nick Capper, to be fair, why would Capper spend his hard-earn earned on a present when he doesn't even spend it on deodorant? Or long pants. I should be just happy he didn't steal anything.

To be fair, Capa's still paying Tommy back for his flight to Koh Samui. He's got no money, so technically this is Daslo's fault. Thanks a lot, mate. I expected nothing from Nick Capa and somehow I got even less. Thanks Capa. Number 11. David Tolk. That's right. The name of a comedian you guys don't know.

And in fact no one knows because he's never been on the podcast and now he fucking never will. Is it true you only invited Tolke because I said I couldn't go? Yeah, it was a wait for wait issue. But what

a depressing thing to say about a comedian's career. He can't even get on a podcast. So David Tolke is actually someone who's been asking to be on this show for years. Well, fucking good luck now. Tolke, make the most of this single mention right now. You're not physically getting on the podcast because as the old

wedding rule goes, no toaster, no podcast appearance, you cunt. I think Tolkien will make it on. Number 10, Fiona O'Loughlin. Well, surely she's got an excuse. I will excuse Fiona for this one

because she was probably drunk. She probably thinks she did give us a present. She probably thinks your wedding's still to come. She's probably still there. The senile old hag. Actually, I had that one as well. Fiona's actually in Sydney right now as we speak. I'm tempted to say, Fiona, throw yourself off the harbour bridge. But as we all know, she'd that one as well. Fiona's actually in Sydney right now as we speak. I'm tempted to say,

Fiona, throw yourself off the Harbour Bridge, but as we all know, she'd somehow fucked that up. Oh, my God. Of course, unless there's a toll on that bridge, because then that tight ass would avoid it altogether. Number nine, Limo. Limo, I will partially excuse that one as well, because he's only on breakfast radio every morning,

and we all know that doesn't pay very well. A lot of people ask me, a lot of people ask me, they wonder if Lemo's his real name. Of course not, it's a nickname. His real name is Ebenezer McFuckin' Shortpockets. Can I tell you how much his baby stroller is worth? Yes.

$1,700. That's pretty standard. Give us a Mars bar. He's got cat... Although that was a present. He wouldn't have bought that himself. He's an accountant. They're tight arses.

We'll get to that. Do that. Limo's a breakfast announcer on Melbourne's Gold FM which play a lot of oldie style classics for example The Beatles You Never Give Me Your Money

and who can forget Bon Jovi's hit from 1989 I don't bring presents to a wedding because my parents raised me wrong and now I'm a shit bloke It's good

Good to see that marriage has evened out Number 8 David Quirk A tough one to expect Good to see that marriage has evened out. Number eight. David Quirk. A tough one to expect anything from because, sure, he's definitely a massively tight, but he physically looks like he should be travelling the country, stowing away in empty carriages of old locomotives.

At the very least, Quirk could have at least given me a discount on the big issues he sells. And I fucking drove him to the wedding. But Quirk is a vegan, so it's not like he was going to cater for me. More like a fucking freegan. David Quirk, big fan of skating and cheap skating.

Nice. I'm not sure if this ever comes across in the podcast with him, but David Quirk is literally the most self-obsessed person I've ever met. A man so self-obsessed that the figure from Greek mythology, Narcissus, was once accused of having David Quirk syndrome.

Guys, all the rest of the guests, if you need to go to the toilet or anything, I reckon there's at least another 45 minutes in this, so this might be the time. There's plenty of room for you to have yours. There's food if anyone's hungry. Can someone chuck back one of those cheeseburgers? There's heaps still here.

Do you want one? That's for business class. You don't get it. Number seven. Adam Rosenbach. That surprises me. Well, here we go. Adam Rosenbach's massive AFL Well here we go Adam Rosenbach's Massive AFL fan Especially when it comes

To giving presents At weddings When AFL stands for Awfully fucking liberal Pretty sure the reason He's drawn to AFL Were those insanely Tight shorts

Rosie thought Finally a sport Played by a bunch Of tight asses Like me Did you have a good Day Carl? Number six.

Danny McGinley. What the fuck? No. Another big AFL fan, Danny McGinley writes the funny banners for the Western Bulldogs football club.

Funny's a stretch. Here's a banner I wrote for you, Danny. Violets are blue, roses are red. You didn't get us a present because you're a fuckhead you meet

Danny McGinley another ex-Walmart man on the circle would you have picked this of him? yeah he's a cunt I'm assuming you didn't sexually harass Danny like you did me

not so much it makes me feel good Danny started doing stand up when he was like 15, 16 and I remember ass Danny like you did me. Not so much. It makes me feel good. Danny started doing stand-up when he was like 15, 16 and I remember... He could have started fucking saving then. He's not gotten any better. I'm at least

trying to make it funny. It's just burning mates who aren't in the room. This feels good. Also, there's a little PS on that one. Just before I went on stage, I got a message from my wife saying, by the way, we found the envelope for Danny McGinley. Oh.

But I already had the pre-recorded bit, so if we can all just... I love that there's a possibility that everybody you've already read out could have given it and you've misplaced it like a fucking idiot. Your wife's got no fucking idea who those envelopes were. They're probably from my side.

Number five, Dave O'Neill. Jesus. Oh, the Don. Dave O'Neill, the record holder of the most appearances on Spicks and Specks with 42. And the equal record holder of least presents given on Spics and Specs with 42 and the equal record holder of least presents given at my wedding on zero. This is a true story at the wedding.

On the lead up to the wedding he complained five times that he had to turn down an eight grand corporate gig from Chemist Warehouse. I went to a gig. And then halfway through the wedding he snuck out to do a gig and then came back. He's the richest man on this list, so I hope he gets fucking brain damage

from jumping headfirst into his Scrooge McDuck dollar pile. Now, I think we'd all agree that's a surprising one. You meet Dave with... You know Dave, that's surprising. Oh, no-one's surprised. Is he a jodhp? But can we do a big opera house boo for that? Yeah O'Neill's probably doing a gig outside

So I probably heard that, so thank you We're from Melbourne, we didn't know the big opera house boo was a thing Surprisingly we didn't get one when we walked out The Sydney pantomime house Number four All the way from Scotland, it's Dave Callum.

That doesn't surprise me. He's Scottish. It's trampled all over my first line. Oh, sorry. Dave Callum proves the old cliche, there's no one tighter with their money than a Scotsman. Dave Callum does a lot of training as a ninja, which makes sense because when it was time to give us a present

He could not be found Exactly it's like George besties heyday, you know what he's gonna do be you can't fucking stop Great reference go In conclusion Glaz go and get me a present you can't Oh, I think that's a bit unfair. Number three, Xavier Michaelini.

An all-time tight ass. Probably got rid of his hair deliberately so he wouldn't have to go and buy any shampoo. Triggered. This is a true story I was invited to his wedding and I couldn't go so I sent him a few hundred bucks towards his honeymoon

as a gift. In retaliation he comes to my wedding and instead of bringing a present him and his wife rock up to dinner and fill their pockets up with lamb so they don't have to dumpster dive that week That is true You actually sent his gift with me to their wedding

I was just then going fuck I don't remember giving them that gift Alright we can edit that one out as well No let's keep going Everyone's going to be listening going there's some numbers missing There's 12 and then there's 3 Question What's in Xavier's corner? Answer Not any fucking generosity going, there's some numbers, Mickey. There's 12 and then there's three.

Question, what's in Xavier's corner? Answer, not any fucking generosity. Or lessons from his parent on how to act like a decent member of society, that's for sure. Last point, his last name is Michelides. Weird that he's originally Greek because the Greek invented anal sex which means that the

Greek are now responsible for loose arses and tight arses. Which means the Greek are now responsible for loose arses and tight arses. Which means the Greek. The Greek. That one Greek. What the fuck is wrong with you? I guess it would have been one Greek that invented anal. It was.

It was like a committee thing. It was just one guy going, I'm going to give that a crack. Ask. Hang on. It looks like my wife from this angle. We've got an expert here. You must have done some research into your people. My people?

I'm Italian. Ah, okay. Della Marsol. Well, you speak fluent Greek from where I'm standing. Look, I've had one or twenty. Number two, it's Nick. Cody. Oh! Now that is a fucking bombshell. Number two, it's Nick Cody.

Now that is a fucking bombshell. Hey, hold on. In Crush's defence, he flew back from the other side of the world to be at the wedding. And to also go to a corporate and do a TV show. Fair enough. Okay. I was going to say, if you've bought a flight, then you're excused from the present.

But I'm pretty sure he made a profit on this wedding. Oh, yeah, that's fucking... And back to the gags. I tried, Crusher. Nick Cody not only loves to fly first class, he's also a first class cunt. When I think of Nick Cody, I think of UFC. Unbelievably fucking cheap.

Cody is a massive fan of Conor McGregor and an even bigger fan of buying no McPresents. Fuck, I love wordplay. I know, if only there was some in this show. Hey, can I just point out, it's Josh Earle doing this voiceover. So one, thank you for having me at the Opera House. Two, unfortunately, I'm doing this. Sorry for everyone.

These are my mates and I'm kind of... I have nothing against them. Who cares? Hopefully you enjoyed the show. I should point out that I put money in. So I gave Carl and his Thai bride a card with some cash in it. Carl will probably tell you how much. Also, thanks, Tommy. Tommy actually organised a bus and took everyone up.

I think he's out of pocket as well. I doubt he's going to be doing a list of people who didn't pay him for the bus. Tommy, tell the story about how Carl tried to get on our bus at the end of the night. Anyway, number one, Dilruk Jai Sinha. Oh! to get on our bus at the end of the night. Anyway. Number one. Dilruk Jai Sinha. Dilruk Jai Sinha, a man with confusing physics because when you look at him physically you don't think tight. Well maybe his t-shirt. I can only assume he attempted to get his stomach stapled and got his bow stapled instead. We don't have to be out of here at any specific time, do we?

Dilruch doesn't drink because it's the easiest way to not have to shout around. Very harsh. You did bring the cheapest burger you can possibly buy. Incorrect, there's cheese in them. Dilrruk Jai Singer is such a tight arse. You know the saying that pressure makes diamonds?

Well, Tiffany's opening up a store just below his rectum. You know the saying, pressure makes diamonds? That is a saying. So what's your diamond ring made out of was a shit nugget in the back of deal to be fair maybe do isn't that frugal maybe he's just so fat he literally can't fit his hand in his pocket like it was a sad fable I'll tell

you the story of the man who was so fat he couldn't fit his hand in a pocket. There's only three of these left, so get into it. Hey, look, I don't want to be culturally insensitive, though, because maybe you know some cultural insensitivity is coming up when the bloke can't even pronounce the word cultural. I don't want to be fucking cultural, but they should all get fucked. Man, you are so lucky you gave me a present. I want to be culturally insensitive, though, because maybe in Sri Lanka it's part of their culture

to be a big, fat, cunt, shit wife. This is an absolute fact. This is a true story from the wedding. After the wedding, my wife's sisters complained that they didn't get any panna cotta for dessert because Dilruch literally ate it all. Guilty. You fat cunt.

You came in out of prison and ate the mother of the bride's dessert. That's not a euphemism. You could have left off dessert. That's what I'm going to call it from now on. The panna cotta. No wonder you flew here, you sad, lonely loser.

What the hell? Are you okay, mate? Did you stow away in the fucking luggage compartment or something? Surely you didn't pay for the fucking flight. I did. Continue. Finish it. Look, it wasn't so much in conclusion, not so much as our day in the end.

It was Dilruch's big day. In his head, someone obviously asked the question, will you, Dilruch, make a fucking pig of yourself and not bother to give a token gesture of appreciation and goodwill towards his couple on their important day? And Dilruch said, I do. Amazing. And that is a list of my friends, everyone.

Oh, okay. God. Quick, uh... Right of reply from Dilruch. Just a quick couple of thoughts. Well, just seeing how you treated your mates there probably gives you an indication of what happened at the wedding. And secondly,

more importantly, remember that little gift that a few of your mates chipped in, a got him number plate? Where the fuck is that? What did you do with that? That's in my house. Yeah, exactly. You don't appreciate gifts, so that's why people probably didn't want to... And that sort of convoluted answer

means that's why you're at number one on the biggest, tightest cunts. You're in a true story. Actually, I bought a card and I was going to put the card... Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. I had the card ready and I was going to write in it,

hey, Carl, here's your wedding present. There was money in here, but I spent it on the flight for today. But the card didn't fit in my pocket and I didn't bring any luggage. So the card's back in Melbourne. Wow, does anyone else smell bullshit? No, no, that's me. I just shit my pants out. Maccas is not right.

Not only did he clean out your wedding, when he came to my house to get into the bus, I opened the door. Dil, so great to see you. First thing he says is, have you got any food? Because I'm famished. And just cleans out my pantry. But I will say... You'll do like Tommy's food. Don't do that. I will say, what's interesting about this whole bit is it's very great to get some tips on wedding etiquette

from a bloke who, in his speech, literally forgot to mention his wife. Amazing. Yay! Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, I will come in defence of my good friend Carl Chandler over there. He did mention her right at the top.

Exactly. Right at the top. Don't try and change history, you tight-knit. My wife and I would like to thank you for coming and I'd like to thank these people. No, he just said, I've been asking Diane for years and that was about it. And then you spoke about Dave O'Neill's corporate gig for longer.

You roasted Dave O'Neill, you got Thornton to do a bit of huesy, you told one of your wife's work friends to, and I quote, shut the fuck up. And then you told an anecdote that sounded like it was going to be your wife, but ended up being about Andrew Dipperdomenico. So by the time you do all that, there's not

really much time left to where you're mentioning, to be fair. And to be fair, his name's Robert Dipperdomenico, not Andrew. So you're fucked, to be fair. And to be fair, his name's Robert Dmitico, not Andrew. So you're fucked up. Well, I fucked up here. I was on Celebrity Dog School with Dipper. Sorry, Clang.

Yumi, what are your thoughts? That whole speech was, you know, it was a bit of a lull. I don't know any of your friends. I don't care about any of your friends. But I did get the feeling, Carl, that you were speaking as though you needed to give another speech. Like, that sort of had that same droning tone of a best man

or, you know, a groom giving a speech. Is there something deep within you that you need to share, do you think? I'm pretty sure I shared it all then. At the wedding, your wife's speech for starters got more laughs than yours did. Also, I wrote that.

Did you really write that? I wrote the gag. That's the best. You are a fucking loser. Just let her have the win. Just let her have the win. Don't the biggest tight arse on this stage, don't try and fucking somehow wedge it back onto someone else. Wait, wait, wait. Which other people have got big laughs on your jokes? Tell me.

No. There's the other thing. So she opened the speech by saying, I've known Carl for a long time and this is something most people won't know about him. Deep down he's really nice. He's deep, deep, deep, deep down he's really nice. That gives a good indication. But here's the best part, after the speech you and I were hanging out Carl outside and I was eating... You were giving me a present weren't you? Oh hang on. No, I was eating the panna cotta, my 17th. Mate, you fucking shut the fuck up. What more do you want? There's your present. And this is 100% true.

Carl goes to me, he goes, while we're chatting, I said something. He goes, oh, fuck, that reminds me. I forgot to say something. I said, what? Oh, there's a gag I wrote I forgot to mention in the speech. Oh, man. You were more concerned about the jokes you forgot to tell than mentioning your wife or how beautiful.

Can you please talk to Harley? Because I think he brought up this subject. It was a great gig. It was a good gig. He nailed it. He did a good job. He coached Diane great through her speech as well. I can't.

Don't mention her name if you can. Oh, sorry. We have to edit that out of the wine. Why did Tommy give Carl? For the present, what was it? Cold hard cash, baby. Yeah, yeah. Everyone gave cash.

How much? I don't know. I didn't look at the numbers. How much, Tommy? Nice to fucking chip in. No, no, no. Nice to know it's appreciated. No know it's appreciated. Is it on your fucking spare room floor, like those licence plates from a year and a half ago? It's very much appreciated.

There were no Dame Nellie Melbers, so not much. Thank you very much, Tommy. I appreciate it. The thank-you cards are coming out to all the people that deserve them. Well, I kind of got the best gift of all, because that night... So, heading into your wedding, it's always weird when you go to a wedding of a friend who's a comic because you sort of feel like the other side is kind of all normal people

and then the comics are going to turn up and just be fucked and it's like, these poor people don't know what they're in for. They're going to have to hang out with us all night. It's so fucked. And then at one point, like late near the end of the night, my girlfriend was standing there talking to a friend of your wife, and she was like...

Fuck, that feels weird. And they were going... They were just chatting, and she's like, oh, so, you know, how do you fit into the circle of things? And my girlfriend goes, oh, I'm... I'm here with my boyfriend. And this girl goes, oh, where's your boyfriend? Point him out. And my girlfriend points me out, like, I'm on the other side of the room, and this girl goes, oh, where's your boyfriend? Point him out. And my girlfriend points me out, like I'm on the other side of the room, and this girl goes, wow.

He must have a huge cock. Wow. So I had a wonderful night, ladies and gentlemen. Do you know what? So, look, I've been dropping this name for years, but here's the fucking guy on the plane that rang before. Oh, he's got his chair. Fuck, you survived.

Well, he's only just said, guys, let's do the list again. Come on, pick up the second piece. Number 12. You'd be surprised where Nick Cody comes in the room It's like, we've turned into Mamma Mia Yeah So, I've been

dropping this off for years, but my friends, the Avalanches So they actually DJ'd, so there is proof that I know them, and when they were coming in, they sent me a text message going, do you know this guy? Sent a picture of this guy.

And I was like, yeah, that's my wife's brother. And they go, oh, man. And I said, what happened? And they go, oh, he started saying to them, because he's a bit fucking crazy, right? He's a lot crazy. And he said to them, he goes, what do you think? I'm all dressed up.

What do you think? And they're like, yeah, fine. And he goes, them, he goes, what do you think? I'm all dressed up, what do you think? And they're like, yeah, fine. And he goes, yeah, I thought I'd better fucking dress up just in case Carrie Bickmore's at the wedding and I could fucking hook up with her. She's married. And she's not coming to my wedding. I don't know her.

Do you know what all of this talk about this wedding has made me think? I'm definitely voting no. I don't want any of this shit in my life. This is fucked. Hey, I will give you a good present. Have we got time for the last little bit? There's a last little bit?

Yeah. For the people that have the power to kick us out, have we got five minutes? We can do five. Okay. Well, folks, it's time for Australia's favourite, best and longest running radio serial. It's Rad Dad.

This is the bit where you play the theme song, by the way. Yeah, okay. Sing along if you know the words. It's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just ratting around in the Rad Dad way. Gotta whack a kid, a cat and a dog. Now see me be rad in your catalogue. Yeah.

Word to your mother. How much Josh Allen's in the show? Some rad dad He's the raddest dad in town Rad dad Well Jenny Here we are at the Sydney Opera House And what everyone's wanted me to do for years is finally happening You gonna climb on the roof and throw yourself off it?

No it's my wedding day I'm getting married. I didn't even know you were dating someone that's so cool it'll be nice to have a guide dog around the house. Well Jenny as you know a few months ago I was in Thailand. You were there six weeks ago too and five weeks ago and four weeks ago In fact, didn't you just fly in from there today as well? Don't people in customs think you're up to something dodgy going to Thailand every week? Hey, if you can think of a better way to get a free full body cavity search, I'd like to hear it. Anyway, one of the last seven times I was in Thailand, I met a lovely lady.

Given that I feel like you're about to introduce her right here, I do not like where this is heading. She's given up her whole life in Thailand to move to Australia and become my wife. Oh God, please don't tell me who it's going to be. We can't do this at the Opera House. It won't be easy for her. I'm sure there's a lot of differences between Australia and Southeast Asia, where if you look at her, she's very clearly from... Oh, someone hit the fucking fire alarm. And here she comes now. Well, at least we'll finally be in the paper.

Jenny, meet my wife-to-be, Adamina. G'day, Jenny. How are ya? Fuck, what a relief, kind of. She's an Australian girl who moved to Thailand with her dad when she was 13. Stone? I'm so excited to be your new mum, Jenny. Your father's told me so much about you. I hear you only wear Quicksilver. I love listening to Three Doors Down on your Discman. That's not me. Those are all things about Rad Dad.

Oh, sorry. I mixed you two up You're the one that used to have cancer but you look like you've still got it Anyway, where's my best man? He's running late It's almost like he had to walk here like someone had taken his car Hello, it's me Rad Dad's best friend

Sydney radio personality Harley Breen, aka Nigel Nocard. I don't even know why I read that out. I could fucking not read it. When do I make my speech? I've decided not to have speeches. Well, that's great, because I've decided not to give you a gift.

Even though I'm one of your best friends and I have a job on breakfast radio and plenty of money. I have to say, the writing on this show has gotten a lot worse. It is absolutely unrealistic that anyone could be that fucked. As if even one, potentially 12 people would do that. Rad Dad, I'm horny. Jesus Christ. Let's get this ceremony over with

so we can go back to our honeymoon suite and as you always say, you can give me a good powder finger. If by honeymoon suite you mean the 16 person dorm room that I booked at the Coogee Beach Backpackers, then I'm with you Adam. We just need to wait

for the celebrant to get here. Hi everyone, sorry I'm late. I was extremely busy with my successful radio job, my ABC podcast and my loving family, who love me and shampoo their hair regularly. But, hey, I'm more than happy to come down here and slum it, sit backstage for half an hour and then read out this Rocker Stedford bullshit

that you wrote on the plane above all, be a Wodonga. Oh, my God, you are my hero for what you've done in your life. You've done something I've only done in my dreams. Which bit, Carl? My radio work? My TV work? My lots of money? My podcast?

My children? No, you once rooted someone from Regurgitator. Okay, a quick podcast is a good podcast. Okay, dearly obligated, we're gathered here today for this union between a one-dimensional character that keeps happening despite no one wanting it and a fat old gay man who we're involving in a pretend wedding which really seems to be

rubbing it in, given the political climate right now. I vote yes to great comedy. Rad Dad, do you take this woman to be your wife in sickness, hopefully, and in health, for better or for worse, so long as you both shall live? Oh, totally, dude.

He's a rad dad. Right. This is just like his real wedding. No, the wife's been mentioned more. Adamina, do you take this man to be your husband? Do you promise to accompany him to every time he goes to the pet store to ask if they have mambo farting dogs?

To listen to his story about the time Pamela Anderson was in the Big Brother house so he went to Dreamworld trying to see her and ended up jacking off on the lethal weapon ride? I love that story. Adamina, will you stand by him through the good times? Yes. Well, mainly bad, for so long as you both shall live. I've got a date with a bridge later on,

so just tick whatever you need to tick. And once again, happy R U OK? Day, everyone. Well, then, by the power invested in me by the writers of this sketch, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride. I wrote this bit. Yeah, and do it.

Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Might actually do a bit of editing now. Yeah. Thank God for that. Space jump! We're now in the African jungle. Space jump! Congratulations on your

nuptials, Rad Dad. Thanks, you tight-ass piece of shit. Rad Dad, I have bad news. I'm leaving you. What? Since we got married, you've really let yourself go. I mean, look at your fucked head and your terrible clothes. This isn't the man I fell in love with.

You're speaking to Tommy again. Yeah, I know. Wow, this has really come out of nowhere. I know. It's almost as if the plane was coming into land and the laptops this was written on had to be stored securely. Sorry your marriage didn't work out, Rad Dad, but I guess that means I'm off the hook for not getting you a wedding gift.

Absolutely not. I'll just email Josh Earl to get him to record a new intro. Anyway, Jenny, good news for radical chicks worldwide. Looks like I'm a single man again. I might go try it on with a celebrant and get me a piece of Australian rock history. If you even sniff my pussy, I'll literally regurgitate it. Wow The Opera House can make dreams come true

This is going to be a great story for our wedding in 11 years time How do we end this Opera House sketch? Well you'd think it's not over until Durook sings. Hey, Rad Dad, have you seen this poster over here? Machine Gun Fallatio are playing a free concert here at the opera house tonight. Wow, fuck me

dead, they really do let anyone on at the opera house these days. Machine Gun Fallatio? Well, well, well, looks like you did give me a wedding gift after all. The gift of a big old stiffy. All right, Dad! Can I, I need to address something. You said, and this was in pro, you said if you even sniff my pussy,

which means that that's on the very bottom of the ladder. Like, that's the starting point. That's what the joke was meant to be. What's beyond that? There's a chance you could smell it from there. Amazing. The best part was that was not in the script. The script had a much softer thing.

Great punch-up by you. Yeah. I love that the best thing in the script, they didn't write. That was very dum-dum club. It's like jazz, it the script, they didn't write. That was very dumb, dumb club. It's like jazz, it's the jokes you don't write. Alright, we've got to get out of here. Alright, we've got to get out of here.

Folks, give a huge round of applause. Yumi Stines, Carly Green, Gilroy Jai Singer, Adam Richard. Thank you guys so much for coming down to the Sydney Opera House. Thanks for listening at home and we'll see you next time.

See you mate! Give it up for Carl Chapman and Tommy Dessalon! And we're back. Oh, wow. What a hell of a time we had in Sydney, hey? Can you remember any of it?

I do remember the bits I was involved with. Yes. All the rest of it. Yeah. Not so much. Not as much, no. But great app, great. Thank you once again, everyone in Sydney, for coming. And I've always been a little bit doubtful that we could get a big crowd in Sydney for some reason.

Sydney signs don't seem to buy as many tickets, considering how big their city is. But great big turnout and very excited, as we talked about in the show, people were very excited to be there. Yes. That made us even more excited. Great to meet everyone afterwards. Huge crowd of people waiting to get T-shirts and stuff like that, which was wonderful. Yeah, yeah.

They had to make the trek around the certain venue we were in, a bit of a half-hour trek or so, to come and meet us and hang out and have a beer and grab some T-shirts. So thanks very much. Maybe that's why they were excited, because they really felt like they'd earned it by the time they fucking walked the thousand miles to get there. Maybe they weren't even excited.

That was just the adrenaline from the exercise they'd finally had. Those endorphins kicking in. Yeah. But, wow, what a wild time. And what better way to celebrate such a momentous career achievement as performing at the Sydney Opera House than by reading out people's names from Patreon and making fun of them at the end of the episode? Well, I would never make fun of anyone's names.

I'm just reading them out to say thank you, to be honest. That's what I do anyway. I don't know what you're doing over there. So we change the numbers up pretty regularly. I'm going to suggest that in honour of the number of kilometres that people had to walk to meet us after the

Sydney show, we should do five names. Okay, well that's your opinion. What would you say? Given that we were just talking about it, that seems fitting. To be honest, I don't think that's fitting at all. That's just something we were talking about, whereas I'd rather listen to the people, people power. We've got a private Facebook group where you can join

called People Aware of Little Dunlop Club where we've had a lot of people that don't agree with that at all that have been saying we should up it to five names per week. So I'm happier more to go with that than your opinion. I can't remember what number I just said before, but if you say it's up from that, then sure, let's do five. Okay, well, let's do that then. Okay.

Great. And, you know, that's just a little shout out to people in that group that have requested that. But next time. Your choice next time. Next time, can we do my choice of doing five names? Well, I didn't hear what number you said, but sure, whatever. Okay, so thank you to Patreon subscribers.

Thank you to one and all of you for chipping in and keeping the petrol in this big old podcast locomotive going, because that's what they run on. Yep. So here is a bunch of names that we want to specifically thank this week. So thank you to the first cab off the rank today. Thank you to Arne or Arne? A-R-N-E? Arne?

I'm going to say Arne. Arne. Okay, Arne. It is a lady. It is a lady listener. So probably Arne. How do you know that for sure? Because on the little stats that come up, sometimes people have pictures. I looked at it and went, oh, there's a girl. I thought you were going to say because the last

name is Pussy. Well, now there's two reasons. Arn Pussy. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Arn Watson. Ah, Watson. Yeah. Elementary, my dear Watson. Thanks for giving me the money,

I presume. You presume she's given money, so you're not 100% sure. Well, it says there. I don't see the physical cash in my hand. It just says it on the computer. That's true. And hey, the credit card might be declined, so maybe you presume you're getting money, but maybe we're not.

And also, like that name. Oh, and I've never heard of that. Is that a real person? Who knows? Oh, this could be a scam. Yeah. Someone's hacked into our Patreon, and they're going to end up getting all our money instead.

I think I got an attempt at hacking. Well, not hacking, just being fucked over. What I mean is I left my net bank logged in on a public computer. No, I got a call from a couple of days ago. There was like a green card lottery thing. Oh, yeah. Now, I don't remember what I did. I just saw it there and I was like, oh, you know, because it's a lottery.

You just put in. I've never done it before. I'll just put in. I get a call from them going, oh, it's a green card lottery. Just ring up to say blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I'm pretty sure no one's fucking ringing me up. Yeah. Yeah.

That would be a very common scam. Yeah. Yeah. So, what, it came up as a pop-up? No, I don't think so. I wouldn't have replied to a pop-up. I honestly… Well, you tell it like it just appeared in front of you.

No, I know, I know, but I can't remember because I looked at… I was looking for the legitimate one, but I can't remember whether it popped up from, like, a legitimate site or it was just on a site that looked a bit legitimate as another ad? Okay, right. Like as an ad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or as the thing I actually looked up?

I've got to say, my current beef is every like cafe that you go into or like different shops, having some fucking weird registered business name that's not the name of the shop. Right. Because so often I'll be going through my account and something will stick out. It's like a hundred bucks. What the fuck's this? I've been scammed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's taken a hundred bucks going through my account and something will stick out. It's like, 100 bucks, what the fuck's this? I've been scammed. Someone's taken 100 bucks out of my account

and then I think about it for a bit longer and I'm like... And then you go, oh, that's Mrs. Allsop. That's my mum. So, wait, I'm feeling like I've been ripped off because money's gone into my account? What kind of fucking scam is this? But, yeah, that's suddenly... You're just so confused by that happening to you

that you think it's a scam. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, money coming in. But it's just... Yeah, it's like, oh, this fucking... Oh, no, that's just dinner that I got. And the name of the company is like, Mr. Fuzzle Wuzzle's Dick Factory.

And it's like, oh, hang on a minute. I'm being scammed by the Dick Factory. Yeah, I know what you mean. I do that a bit where I'm going through invoices looking if someone's paid me and then I hit someone up and go, you haven't fucking paid me from six months ago. And then they go, no, no, no, the cum factory, that's our registered title.

We paid you six months ago on the day. I'm like, oh, I thought that was where I bought the cum. And what are they paying? In human sperm. Great. So that was where I bought the cum. And what are they paying? In human sperm. Great. So that's going into the net bank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many milliliters go in there? Well, thanks, Arne. Thanks, Arne.

Thanks, Arnie. We got a fair way away from that. Alright. Here, number two, you know, I'm not a big fan of this happening, but when people make their name up, but you can make the call here. Did someone make this um when people make their name up you but you can you can be you can make the call here did someone make this up is this their name or is this someone trying to be funny okay all right here we go thank you to tim too good t-double-o-g-double-o-d like if they've made it up, like, what?

Like, when people put their name as Got Tim or, like, Duck Sandwich or whatever. But that's not... When you said Tim, I was like, oh, well, here we go. Yeah. But Too Good. Yeah. Tim doesn't think that's maybe a real name. That's a real name.

You know what? I'm getting onto Facebook right now. I'm making a search for Tim Too Good. Oh, nice. That's the only way we will know for absolutely sure. I'll tell you what, it's not looking good. Not looking good. He might not be on Facebook. Oh, actually, there is

many people called Tim Too Good. Okay. Fuck, are you Tim Too Good from Ballarat? I'd say that's a fair chance. Or there's a Timothy Too Good. Fuck, that can't be your real name. Timothy Too Good. That can't be a real name. Timothy Too Good.

That's, ironically enough, it's very good. Yeah. It's almost a little too good. Timothy Too Good's playing croquet with a mallet and a small child in his profile picture. So there's a lot going on. Does that make you, what, more inclined or less? I don't know.

There's a lot going on in his life. No, I like it. I buy it. Yeah, I buy that it's a real name. That's a real name? Yeah, this guy's real name. Hey, look, as always, get in touch. Yeah, please.

Timothy Tugud. If this is your real name, I'm mightily impressed because that's a pretty ridiculous name. Maybe Timmy Too Good can become part of the furniture in the same way that Paul the Squirter McWhirter has become. Tell us, please, if this is your real name,

Timothy Too Good, please tell us a few tales from your life where how much shit you've copped through school or what direction your life has been pointed in you've copped through school or or what direction your life has been pointed in thanks to having such a different sort of a name yes because that is there's got to be some stories in that there have to be yeah i mean even just with the the tt timothy too good the alliteration yeah yeah well thanks tim yeah i don't think you're too good at all i think you're just the right amount of good for chipping into our Patreon.

Yeah, he chips in just the right amount. It's good. Yeah, it's very good. It's very too good. Thanks, Tim Too Good. Thanks, Timmy. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Cam McAlpine. Do you think that's real?

McAlpine. I've seen this. This is a repeat offender on the social media. So you think that's a real name? It's definitely planted in my head. Yeah, I think that's a real name. McAlpine. You wouldn't make up Cam, would you? No. That's believable. It's nice.

Alpine. McAlpine. McAlpine, yeah. Two great things. Mountain ranges and... The Scottish mountains. The McAlpine. Yep. And would you like to know what he's contributing per month? How much? Okay.

$10.69. Nice. Very nice. Didn't want to be a cheapskate and just spring the $6.90. No. Couldn't afford $69 a month. Wanted to get the bonus episode, but still a little treat for his daddies in there. Yeah.

Wanted exactly what I'm giving him right now. Yes. Yes. But I like it. I like it on top of that because he didn't just do it for one month or anything. He's been going for quite a while. I like it, yeah. So when you see the stats come through and you see what people chip in every month, and if it's like a $10 subscriber after six months, it'll be $60.

But he's got some weird configuration because he keeps having to chip in 69 cents every year. Yeah, it's some odd number. The Mac being in there has made me think of McDonald's. And I saw this breaking news this morning. KFC in this great country. Are putting out a Big Mac? No. They're doing little mashed potato balls

with gravy in the middle. Right. What do you think of that? I like the sound of it, but... I reckon it's too good to be true. I reckon it's Timothy too good to be true. Because dipping the chips in the potato and gravy, one of life's all-time great joys.

But it's a fresh sensation. You can't just stick them in a freezer and then just... But that's my point. So on paper you think, well, they're just condensing that. This is going to be great. Yeah. But it'll be... Look, I'm still going to go in. I'm still very curious to go in.

Yeah. But I don't have high hopes. No, I don't either. I will – You know what? I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try it at least once. But much like anal, who knows if I'll be going back. Who knows whether you'll be giving these mashed potato balls

or receiving them. But thanks, Cam McAlpine. Thanks, Cam. And with that 69 cents, how much are these potato balls? Maybe we should go in and... Well, how long has he been contributing for? Oh, six months. Six months.

So that means what we've got? I can't really do the maths. That's about four or five bucks. That recommends. Just with the 69 cents. Yeah, just with the 69 cents. That's covering it, I reckon. Yeah, I reckon.

It would be much more than that. So thanks. So that's what I'm – well, I mean, would you be happy to – I'm happy to sign off on that. Would you be happy to lend me – because we have to halve it. So I'm really only getting like $2 out of that. Okay. Would you be happy to hand over your half of the takings to me getting –

Whatever you say, I'm happy with. Great. Great. So that's where your money's going. Here's an example of where your Patreon money Your Patreon dollar is going, guys Ken McAlpine's is going towards Potato balls that we think might be shit Well, hey, they're contributing to something

That they think is shit too So it's kind of fitting Yep, fair enough Thanks, Ken Thank you to Patreon subscriber Steve Hold these Not Steve, hold these That would be great subscriber Steve... Hold these. Not Steve Hold These.

That would be great if Steve Hold These from Maribor was contributing. Under that name as well. Yeah. Do we have any Maribor Patreon subscribers? Guys, again, hit us up. Hit us up if you're from Maribor and you chip in. And should we talk about this? Like, we've got... Are we going to do this Maribor thing?

Like, here's the live show quandaries that we have at the moment so at the moment as you've probably heard already we are doing we've got a melbourne big melbourne coming up we've got a we've got perth coming up next month we've got canberra coming up and then we've got a blank slate i mean next year in april we'll probably do a big bunch of uh live melbourne ones again but we don't have any plans what's what's the whiteboard at Dum Dum HQ say? I mean, we've got some question marks over some things, don't we? Well, I would say we would do the same thing we did this year.

So we'd do Brisbane and Adelaide at the start of the year. Oh, you're making a call. You're going to say Adelaide. Because those festivals are on. Adelaide last year was great. It was a great turnout in the end. There's two great episodes. Same with Brisbane.

And guests are already there, so we'd be silly not to. Melbourne, I'd say, will do the same thing again. They're very much pencilled in on the whiteboard, which is unfortunate because pencils don't work very well on them. We've thrashed the whiteboard. We've fucked the pencils too. Having it engrave into the

whatever that material is. We just look like idiots. We've got those weirdly pencilled in. We've put a piece of paper over the whiteboard now as well. Yes. So now we're using pencils on that. Yeah, and ironically enough, we found a whiteboard marker for the piece of paper.

It's a fucking nightmare. No wonder we haven't locked any live shows in when we can't even fucking handle the whiteboard. We're going to and from Officeworks every five minutes to get pens that we've forgotten. So we've got that going on. Once we sort that shit out, we'll start thinking about everything else. But here's the ones I'm putting to you.

Here's the question marks. Are we finally going to do Maryborough? I'm thinking. Well, because Maryborough, it felt like Maryborough was a lot more in focus before Thailand and us doing America this year. If one of those things hadn't have happened, I dare say we would have gotten around to doing it.

I'm saying this. I'm putting this to you right now. This is probably the wrong place for it, but let's try it. Maribor, let's maybe think about Maribor for the start of next year. Big New Year's Eve show. Yeah, at the Town Square. It's sort of in between this big Melbourne show we're doing with Mooney and Fiona and then the big April ones that we do.

We put one in maybe in January. We try and go to Maryborough in January. Yeah, I'd be down for that. What do you think? We're going to have to get moving on this because you've got to give people notice and that sort of stuff. And we've got to think about how we're going to manage it. Yeah.

But let's just put it out there. Maybe Jan, maybe Feb, maybe we've got to give people more time're going to manage it. Yeah. But let's just put it out there. Maybe, Jan, maybe, Feb, maybe we've got to give people more time for it. I'd be down for it. Let's get into that idea. Next point of order. We've got to figure out what we're doing with Koh Samui if it's going to happen again.

And look, this will help especially by people hitting us up, people that either went last year or this year who definitely want to come back again. And for all the people that heard about it, that heard the episodes or that got the bonus material, the video footage, and then went, fuck, how the fuck did I miss out on that? All that FOMO. Yeah.

If anyone's going to react to that, we want to know because we definitely don't want to go back and make it smaller than this year. It's got to be bigger. Yeah. I think it would be. I think between people wanting to come back and also people who feel like they missed out last year. Yeah.

And I think, to be honest, like this year I think people got a pretty good deal out of it where they flew themselves over, they put themselves up in a hotel that we got a good deal for, but then we didn't charge anyone. So I think this year there would have to be a slight entry for it. Oh, well this will be the way to get more people interested again. Start talking about stinging them for that extra ticket fee. No, but I don't think that's an unfair thing

to go, oh, you come to a five-day festival and it's completely free. Yeah, I also don't think that I also think it's way too early to be going into the specifics of that, but sure. People want to know in advance. People are already hitting us up. Because I just don't think we specifics of that, but sure. Well, people want to know in advance. People are already hitting us up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I just don't think we're – man, people contributed so much to us this year being able to go over there. I just don't think that they're going to do the same thing again. But I don't think it's unfair to put a slight entry fee on it. And you're already paying a heap to fly over and put yourself up. If you've got that sort of money, then you've got a little bit more money to pay for the shows. Anyway, the best thing you can do is hit us up via the social media or email or whatever you want to do

and just let us know if you are stinging to go along, if you're the sort of person that would be desperate for it to happen again that you missed out last time and you definitely need to do it this time. So hit us up if you are keen on Koh Samui and we need to get that organised because loosely we would do it the same time as we did this year, which was June. Roughly. Well, yeah.

Yeah. So and a lot of response we got last year was we didn't give people enough notice. So if we're going to do it, we're going to have to do it soon. Well, people's like uni holidays and stuff and people who, yeah, have jobs where they have to take time off at a certain time, maybe we would look at doing it in school holidays for those people. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's get the discussion. Let's open the forum to everyone. Let's get people to… Start an official discussion thread in the Facebook group. Yeah. Or on the Facebook page or everywhere. Lovely. All right.

Back to this. Back to Steve Holdays. Was there any other discussions that we had to have about live shows? You got nothing else? Maribor and Koh Samui were the ones. That was probably it. That was it? That's the only things I can think of.

I mean, this episode right now, Sydney, makes me think we should go back there twice a year. We should go back, yeah. I found a good venue in Sydney that we should do next time we go up. And we don't have to have it at a certain landmark that charges us through the teeth. Yes, yes. And then makes the tickets more expensive. So we can go and do a normal grassroots one.

All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Steve Wyckoff. Oh, so that was all in the middle of you reading out his first of the last night. Yes. Great. Wyckoff. W-I-C-O-F-F. W-I-C-O-F-F.

I'm going to look him up right now just to make sure. Well, hearing that, Steve Wyckoff turns me into a bit of Tommy Jackoff. Oh, nice. Because I'm so happy to have that money. Stephen Wyckoff. Are you the Steve Wyckoff from Topeka, Kansas? I love this new thing of just looking them up on Facebook and going real personal.

I think this is a new thing. I think this is a new part of the show. And asking them a question that we won't hear back from for at least a week and we'll never do anything with the information. Yeah. Steve Wyckoff, are you the person on Facebook that has a lady

front and centre of your profile pic, whereas you are very clearly a man? Is that what you're doing there? Because you've got a lady there that is not you. Why are you doing that? Oh, no. What are you doing? Yeah. You've got two people in there. You've got a young Asian lady front and centre. That's not you.

You've got an African-American lady to one side side and then I believe you've got you on the other side. Why can't you even get the front and centre spot in your own Facebook profile pic? What sort of fucking manager do you have, dude? That's a bad, bad get.

If that's you, thanks Stephen Wyckoff for being one of our few Kansas listeners, I would assume. Good on you. Dorothy, your money is not in Kansas anymore. Yes. Thanks, Toto. Thanks, Toto. Thanks, The Wizard.

If only you had a brain and a few more dollars to give to us. If only you had a heart. Yep. Alright, how many has that been? That has been four, I believe. All right. So it's time for the fifth and last one. Fifth and?

Is that right? Both? We're going to do both of them? Yeah. Fifth and the last one. Yeah. Let's wrap it up at five. In the same one.

Let's wrap it up at five. Okay. All right. Let's do that. All right. We'll cut it off early. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

And look, I'll just do a little delay here because i know that a lot of people a lot of people this is the favorite part of the week i think just the tension as to who's going to contribute yes last never know what you're going to get yeah never know what sort of surname is going to pop up here um for some people have said that they hate this bit the most it's a bit like sticking your hand into a box of Cadbury Roses chocolates isn't it oh is it? just never know where you're going to get it without the little instruction sheet

well I've got the instruction sheet this is like for you but for me you're working in the factory I don't even have those ones I've got the favourites, I've got the names on the front of all the chocolates. Yeah, it's very different. Thank you to Patreon subscriber MC Comedy.

Okay. Yeah. So some kind of – did we not do this one last week? No, no, no. That was Grandmaster Comedy. Yes, exactly. Right, okay. Completely different people.

So do you think they're a double act? Is this a thing where Grandmaster comedy is working the decks and MC comedy is like the front man? Doing the rap. Doing the raps, yeah. Well, you know what? I would presume that he is a rapper. I mean, given that MC is generally a rapper.

Yes. And especially considering he has sent me a rap. Has he now? Yeah, that's what it says here. So he's put this in the comments. In the comments. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's nice of him. Anyway, guys, thanks for listening and, yeah, we'll see you next week. Yeah, thanks for remembering the live shows and everything. So come along to that and say hello. Great. No, I'd love to know. Oh, you want to know? Well, look, I don't necessarily want to hear the rap,

but I would like to know two more things about this person. Right. I'd like to know what their name is and what they're here to say. He's one of them. It stands for Master of Ceremonies. That's his first name. Okay, yes. Yeah, yeah.

The second one. You want to know what he's here to say? Well, do you want to just read the rap out? All right, well. Do you want a beat? Do you want a beat? Do you want a beat? Yeah.

All right. Let me skip in here. All right, here we go. Here we go. Mum's spaghetti. Well, my name's MC Comedy and I'm here to say I riff harder than Uncle Comedy's husband Steve is gay. My family loves the show and we always pay.

I think everyone hopes this comedy family bit will stop one day. always pay. I think everyone hopes this comedy family bit will stop one day. How long was the flight to Italy that you just took? Was that the entire flight or did you squeeze one movie in there in the 24 hours? I just want to say MC Comedy...

Oh no, you just want to say something. I'm not here to say something. I just want to say something. That's not your specific purpose of your visit. No, no, no. It's just a happy accident. He's one of many things that I want to say. Well, my name's Rappin' Tommy and he's one of many things I'd prefer to say. Now, I'm going to stick my neck out there and say MC Comedy is not a professional MC

because the syllables in the rapping. The flow is not great. No. The flow is not great no the flow is not great it's almost it's it's like you know rapping's a young man's game and it's almost like that was written by like a 41 year old or something it's almost like it's just some out of touch fucking idiot who doesn't understand modern popular culture in any way shape or form it's almost like you were about to get here and i had about two minutes and that's what happened in two minutes. If I didn't know any better, I'd say this was written by some hillbilly from the sticks who doesn't have a fucking urban bone

in his body. I would say it's almost like someone has gotten the I'm here to say bit and then thought of three things that Ryan would say and written backwards with absolutely no care for how the flow of it went and just tried to write backwards. That's interesting because that sort of lines up with what part of my speculation is as well.

Okay, well, you know what, MC Comedy, let us know. Purely speculative. Purely speculative on our part. Happy to be proven wrong. More than happy to be proven wrong. Again, like all the other patrons and subscribers, we want to hear more about your life. It's interesting that so far within the comedy family,

rap is really the only genre of music to be represented within the comedy family. Oh, is it? We haven't had any rock dog comedy or chamber choir comedy. I think we've had a lot of other things. I mean, we've had some royalty. Sure. Yeah, we've had a lot of interesting things I mean we've had Some royalty We've had Sure Yeah we've had

A lot of interesting stuff But that's it That's my point We had a lot of We had a sheik We had a We had the royal family We had a lot of

Different types of royalty So far We had Madam Comedy Madam Comedy The Madam at a brothel Madam at a brothel At the Kitty Cat Comedy And Rooting Ranch

Yes We've got to do We've got to do t-shirts For the Kitty Cat Comedy and Rooting Ranch. I'm going to draw that up for the Patreon magazine, a detailed guide to the Kitty Cat Comedy and Rooting Ranch. All right. Well, do we want to give this – does MC Comedy and Grandmaster Comedy have any albums that we – let's plug some of this.

We don't have that information. People look them up on Spotify. We don't have that information. Right. So if those guys want to write in to us and let us know, I mean, you know, they're chipping in every week. We don't mind running a time-lapse ad for them. Hey, look, I'd love those guys to write in.

I'd love them to write in with a bit more notice than just three minutes before we start recording. If they could do it well in advance, that'd be – I think it'd be beneficial to both them and us if they could spend a bit more time on it oh maybe I need to go on another trip alright guys thank you so much for chipping into the

show if that is something you do everyone else who doesn't get fucked yes thank you for listening we still don't know how to end this bit do we we've had some suggestions but but I don't know. I think we just give them a second, see you, mate. I think we just play our show. Okay, yeah, that's good.

All right. Well, thanks for listening to the episode. We'll see you next week. See you, mates. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want. It's up to you.