The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 367 - Nick Cody & Danny McGinlay

Episode Date: October 17, 2017

If you listened to our recent Sydney episode, you knew this was coming: the first in our Right Of Reply series with guests NICK CODY & DANNY MCGINLAY. We clear up their inclusion on "The... List", hear some left over tales from the wedding, as well as The Chandler's honeymoon in Italy PLUS Dassalo follows up with the dry cleaners who wronged him!This episode is brought to you by our friends at Dollar Shave Club! Head to DollarShaveClub.com/DumDum and get your first month for as little as five dollars!Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up: MELBOURNE: We're doing a huge live show with FIONA O'LOUGHLIN and LAWRENCE MOONEY! SATURDAY OCTOBER 21. Tickets here. PERTH: We're heading over for our annual huge Dum Dum event. SUNDAY NOVEMBER 19. Tickets here.CANBERRA: We're doing it again. A huge live show in your city. SATURDAY NOVEMBER 25. Tickets here.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick, Cody and Danny McGinley. I wonder what we're going to talk about with them. But before that, we need to let you know that we have a few live shows coming up that you may be interested in if you're in Melbourne and you're listening to this as soon as it's come out this Saturday, October the 21st at the Croxton Park Hotel. Carl, what are we doing?
Starting point is 00:00:29 Well, we are doing, we have got our most celebrated, our most popular pairing. We've got Lawrence Mooney and Fiona Lachlan together live on stage. It's going to be brutal. It's going to be dark. It's going to be, most of all, very funny. And there's going to be a lot of stuff left on the cutting room floor i think i reckon you've got a lot of work ahead of you after that show i'm looking forward to that but we've been hyping this for a while and it it looks now i mean we're doing this like what a few
Starting point is 00:00:53 days before the gig it's gonna it's a huge chance of being sold out by the time we get to show day so it is going to be very full so if you're if you're thinking oh i don't want to go in case you know i don't want to be the only person there, wow, you are fucking wrong. There is going to be so many people there. And if you were thinking you'd be right to just sort of cruise in on the day because we've been saying that it's a super huge venue, you may not be lucky. So buy a ticket in advance just to hedge your bets there.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Yeah, it's going to be heaps of fun. We've got a few little surprises. It's going to be a very fun show. Yeah, we've been putting stuff together this week and it's going to be, we've got heaps of extra stuff planned beyond just those two going off, so it's going to be a lot of fun. Yeah. Real bang for your buck. Following that, we have us doing our live show over in Perth, November the 19th, a Sunday afternoon. This is the, what's this, like the fourth year
Starting point is 00:01:43 we've done this? Maybe, something like that. Always a fun time in Perth. Always a jam-packed room full of you guys. The WA contingent always comes out in full force. So we're very much looking forward to that. Some great guests joining us for that one. So jump onto that. That is at
Starting point is 00:01:58 the, what's the name of that? Rosie O'Grady's. Rosie O'Grady's. So we've been there a few times. It's in Northbridge. So it's a good venue. They look after us. You guys keep multiplying in numbers everyady. So we've been there a few times. It's in Northbridge. So it's a good venue. They look after us. You guys keep multiplying in numbers every year. So looking forward to that happening again. And then what? The next week, we go back on the road.
Starting point is 00:02:12 We're in Canberra for our second ever show in Canberra. Yes. The Canberrians came out in full force last year. So we figured we'd better do it to them again. Yes. Saturday, November the 25th, we are driving up. Huge special guests. It's going to be, once again, a very fun show.
Starting point is 00:02:29 Very much looking forward to that. And as we've mentioned several times, a significant venue upgrade for us this time. So that's worth looking forward to. We're no longer doing a podcast in someone's cubby hut. It's going to be in an actual venue, like a brand new, nice, sparkling, modern venue. Sparkling?
Starting point is 00:02:44 Yeah. I put that on the rider, nice, sparkling, modern venue. Sparkling? Yeah. I put that on the rider. It must sparkle, our venue. Yeah. So that's going to be heaps of fun. Come check that out. All of these live shows, you can find tickets, littledumbdumbclub.com. That is also the place to find our merchandise.
Starting point is 00:02:57 We have... And as a little bit of a teaser off the back of those live shows, we are about to announce a couple more. Yes. So this time next week, this time next episode or the episode after, we might have two, we are about to announce a couple more. Yes. So this time next week, this time next episode or episode after, we might have two, we might have three new live shows. I can't think what the third would be, but I look forward to finding out. I'll tell you after this.
Starting point is 00:03:16 So that's going to be great. Yeah, all of that, littledumbdumbclub.com. We've got t-shirts there. There's a new design about to go up pretty soon after this live show on Saturday that we've made up kind of to sell at that gig you can also find the links to our Patreon which is a way of supporting the show if you feel so inclined
Starting point is 00:03:31 it is very much appreciated you can chip in and get a bunch of rewards every month including the chance of having your name read out on the show which we now do at the end of the episode so stick around to hear that and of course you get bonus episodes and bonus magazines that we painstakingly put together which we're in the midst of right now. So get on to that, but hang around after this episode
Starting point is 00:03:50 to hear another half hour or so of content, including the chance to have your little... It's like Tats Lotto, but for names. You might have your little name read out. But in the meantime, enjoy this new episode with Nick Cody and Danny McGinley. with Nick Cody and Danny McGinley. Hey, mates.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting across from me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Should I leave that little bit in that you said before? Because it's on the recording. I can cut it out or I can leave it in. Cut it out and put it at the end.
Starting point is 00:04:27 Very fitting. Whatever you like. Now, I feel like I should issue a bit of a disclaimer up the top of this episode. Now, you want to keep the show kind of accessible to anyone whenever they come in. But I feel like for the next couple of months, we are going to have to issue a content warning.
Starting point is 00:04:44 If you haven't heard the Live from Sydney episode, stop this now and go back two weeks and listen to that. Is that fair? That's very fair. I might go back and listen right now. I can't remember what happened. People are coming up to me going, oh, I remember when this happened. I'm like, nah, I had drinks.
Starting point is 00:05:01 Well, so should we get our guests in? Sure. First of all, you know him as being a king in the air. It's Nick Cody. Yay! You forgot the second bit. What's the second bit? Cunt on the ground.
Starting point is 00:05:12 I was leaving that for you. I thought we were going to tag team that one. Yeah, shit beach volleyball team, you guys. And you know him... Metaphorically and literally. And you know him as cutting up the oranges for the halftime at the football. I don't know anything about sports. I know it's something that you do that's related to that.
Starting point is 00:05:28 The guy that writes, roses are red, Carlton are blue, who gives a fuck, run through this and play footy. Nothing that good, though. Really spiralled out at the end there, Shannon. I stand by it. Pretty hard. I liked it. It's the Circles' Danny McGinley.
Starting point is 00:05:46 More TV work than anyone in this room this year, but you still go on The Circle. You bet I am. And you know why? Because of reactions like that. That's why I keep doing it. Well, speaking of The Circle, what was annoying about getting the shout-out on the Sydney Opera House?
Starting point is 00:06:03 You're welcome. You're welcome. the shout out on the Sydney Opera House. You're welcome. You're welcome. Not that I was falsely accused of not getting Carl Chandler a wedding present. Hang on, hang on. It wasn't me that didn't get him a gift.
Starting point is 00:06:13 It was the one-armed man. He's such a tight arse he cut one of his arms off. Yeah, the McFugitive. One of my circle co-hosts, Yumi Steins, goes, yeah, he's a cunt. Yeah. Fucking hell. A little bit of context.
Starting point is 00:06:27 Like we said up the front, go back and listen to that old episode or know this, that a couple of episodes ago, I did make a big call out at the Sydney Opera House. I listed the 12 people that came to my wedding that did not bring a present. So I did list you because it was all recorded in the Canon and the last second I found out you hadn't and I texted my wife and she said
Starting point is 00:06:49 no Danny gave her a present and then she goes what are you doing? It was a lady, it was you rushing to the nuke button and then a call coming through, they've surrendered, there's no need to launch this but you're just like fuck it I'll do it anyway and see what happens. Kim Jong Il has said no no actually you're quite smart Donald No it, I'll do it anyway and see what happens. Kim Jong-il has said, no, no, actually, you're quite smart, Donald.
Starting point is 00:07:07 No, and then, no, you worded it differently. You said, no, no, then my wife rang me and said, we found Danny's card. Like I'd hidden it from you, wackily. Which paints a picture of your wife just has nothing to do when you go away but just sort through admin and just leaf through papers. No, apparently she knew the whole time but something just clicked in my head and went I've got this funny feeling.
Starting point is 00:07:31 I have this funny feeling McGinley's not a cunt. Oh wow. Trust that instinct occasionally, Carl. This is like a Tarantino movie. There's so many twists. She knew all along. I have worn your stupid t-shirt on two TV networks this year. You've also given about eight of them away for free at our show last year.
Starting point is 00:07:49 So technically I'm in front money-wise in this whole picture muzzle. Anyway Danny, you're welcome. You're welcome for all of that. To be invited to my wedding and for your wife to be invited, unlike my wife, at your
Starting point is 00:08:04 wedding. You and Tommy weren't that close then. When you specifically said, and this is this magic little thing about Danny McGinley where when people say to me, Danny was really weird to me, I'm like, nine out of ten times Danny McGinley is great and then one out of ten he's got this autistic bit where he doesn't understand how relationships work and he goes, which is a great example because when you invite me to your
Starting point is 00:08:26 wedding you go, oh I'd love you to come to my wedding not your girlfriend, she is not invited. I'm like, okay alright. Hey that's sorry mate but there's probably no room for your girlfriend I mean, we're not saying your wife's name or Dasolo which was a hilarious joke and I applauded.
Starting point is 00:08:41 You know, I missed out on McGinley's wedding for a worse reason. You'd think I was a cunt at yours, Carl. McGinley said, I'll give you an invite to my wedding if you can tell me my fiancé's name. Oh, here we go. All these fucking hoops to jump through your cunt. Just an invite or not.
Starting point is 00:08:59 Not bad. All the conditions of entry right down the bottom in four point. Yeah, it's not fair. It's actually not bad if you want to weed out because I imagine, as I know from friends who've had weddings, it is a lot of stress like organising the invite list and who are you obligated to invite. It's like if they can't name 100% of the people that are up there at the altar.
Starting point is 00:09:18 If I'd had that rule, I couldn't have invited Fiona because I would have said, what's my name? And she would have been out. She doesn't know her name. She would have read the invite. Who's Fiona in this house? Fiona's lucky. I would have feigned ignorance just to get out of it.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Bill, Rodney, oh, well, guess I'm staying at home that night. An invite for June Northern would have kept me off the ledge. But, yeah, a lot of people, a lot of fans of this this show seeing these names pop up in the episode description and getting very excited and i imagine this so this is what the next you know we're sort of seeing ahead to the next couple of months of the show what it's going to be is people a lot of people in the comedy community this sent shockwaves through the industry very desperate to come in here and get their right a few people know what i like is that you find out who listens to the show or who, you know. I would have thought more listeners would have dobbed in other guests
Starting point is 00:10:09 to the show. I seem to cop at heaps. But my one wasn't that bad. Like my call out. Harley really took the wind out of your sails. It was like you were going to throw a water bomb at me and he's knocked the water bomb out of your hand. He's flown back from Europe and the water bomb's on the floor
Starting point is 00:10:24 and then you just have to go. Good analogy, mate. They had a water bomb, and then they didn't. That was real bad. Much like life itself. Yeah, yeah, no. No, but you listen, so you're always going to find out. So you listen, and Dilra, more than listens,
Starting point is 00:10:40 turned up to the thing he wasn't supposed to be at, so he was going to find out. But I feel like there's a bunch of people that are. Did Dill show up to the opera house? Yeah. And he wasn't on? Yeah. Well, he was on in the end.
Starting point is 00:10:52 Yeah. You're not left with a lot of options when a guy calls you and goes, I'm going to fly myself up and be there for you. I believe that's why he's on Have You Been Paying Attention. He just turns up and goes, yeah. Hey, guys. I'll pay for the cabin. I don't care. I'm generous that way. I'm generous. I'm helping. And then the
Starting point is 00:11:10 joke they'd make on having been paying attention is, he drove the cabin. Yeah. Do they do that on there? They love a bit of cabin. That's our shtick. When do these cunts get off? No, this is fat. Yeah, I feel like we... They can have racist. We'll have body shaming. Yeah, okay. Yeah, fair enough.
Starting point is 00:11:26 It's weird, though, because I work behind the scenes on having been paying attention, and the audience, there's some really strong comedians, and they're doing some great stuff. But the thing that the audience love is as soon as someone implies that Sam Pang looks like Kim Jong-un, they just go nuts for that. It's so odd. I wish we were that highbrow as working dog. That sounds really good.
Starting point is 00:11:44 They're geniuses, mate. They're just geniuses. They get it. They get comedy. They're actually good people to work for. Put that one in the pool room. That's a great one. I don't know if I've told the story of one of the first times I worked for Working Dog.
Starting point is 00:11:57 I was working on a show called Santo Salmonhead's Total Football. By the way, people at home, when Danny says, when I work for Working Dog, that's a lovely way of saying I did the warm-up at the start. There's nothing wrong with that. Do you guys want me to tell the water balloon analogy? Have you guys watched The Castle like heaps?
Starting point is 00:12:14 Did you do warm-up for The Castle? I did. Every cinema in Australia was a great month. Guys, when he says dreaming, we all clap. Pretend you've never seen these gates being pulled off a house before. Come on, guys. No, he's doing it on the set. Where are you from?
Starting point is 00:12:35 I'm from Bonny Do. Bonny Do. You're going to love this. Yes, I have watched it a lot and I've watched it recently. All right, so I'm in a room watching a soccer match with Rob Sitch next to me and I've never met Rob before but he's a lovely guy, we're having a chat and he goes, I'm just not sure about the,
Starting point is 00:12:52 he was talking about a controversial free kick and he goes, it's just not the vibe. It's just not the vibe of sport. Now, if that's anyone else, you go, yeah, it's not Mabo. Yeah. But he wrote that scene. Yeah. Is this a test?
Starting point is 00:13:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just not the vibe. And he says the vibe like eight times in two minutes. Wow. but he wrote that scene is this a test? it's just not the vibe and he says the vibe like 8 times in 2 minutes so is he trying to suss you out is he obsessed with his own work or was that I had no idea is that something that he said for ages before is this like when you meet
Starting point is 00:13:21 Sacha Baron Cohen and he starts going that's very nice what do you think that must be like when you meet Sacha Baron Cohen and he starts going, that's very nice. What do you think? That must be like when listeners meet you and you're just going off about people and they're like, oh, he's doing the bit from the show. Do you know who Ayla Fisher is? Because I call her Mawa. Yes.
Starting point is 00:13:37 I didn't say anything. I played it cool. I was like, yep, we'll do that. Two years later, I feel confident enough with Rob to go, hey, first time I met you, you kept saying vibe. Was that a test? And he gave me such a look and he goes, why is that a test? And I go, vibe, you know, in the castle.
Starting point is 00:13:52 From the dish. Chandler, remember before when you said one out of ten times Danny has autism? Remember two years ago when you said a quote from your movie that you wrote during soccer? You fucking idiot. When you were a kid, did you that you wrote during soccer? No, you fucking idiot. When you were a kid, did you get like a tenth of a vaccination? Just sink the plunger in a little bit.
Starting point is 00:14:15 Yeah, I think Danny was the one out of ten children that didn't get the needle. He got 90% polio, 10% autism. But, Cody, yeah. This is going really well. How did you feel being called out? Did you hear the end of the fucking anecdote? Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:14:31 It's still going. Oh, anecdote. And another three years later I said, Rob, remember I brought up that thing three years ago from the thing two years ago? I saw him getting the shits at a photocopier and I was like, this guy loves the castle. Yeah. I asked Rob, do you remember I said, you were saying the vibe two years ago. He goes, yeah, what was that? You know, the castle, the vibe, the thing.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Were you testing me? He goes, what's the vibe in the castle? I go, it's in that scene. He goes, oh, yeah. Right. That is in that scene. He hasn't watched it for 20 years. Yeah, yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:15:02 So you can do castle quotes to working dog people, just don't expect them to remember it. Great. All right, Cody. Danny wants to tell three more stories. Tell him he's dreaming. It was like I had a water balloon, but then I didn't. How the fuck did you bomb harder than my water balloon?
Starting point is 00:15:20 Can we get these two guests out of here and get Microwave Jenny in here to tell a story? Who, Danny Danny? No, Boring Story Danny. That is Danny Danny. How did you feel about being called out? Because you were both, I mean, if we're starting the right of reply sessions, we're kind of going in soft because these are two men who were called out on the list
Starting point is 00:15:45 who actually had got new gifts. So eventually we'll work our way up to the – Have we? Yes. Have they gotten us gifts? Well, cash. You've got cash coming. Coming.
Starting point is 00:15:56 Coming. I've got it. So this is the gift giving now. No, the whole reason I wanted to bring this up is Chandler's called me out. Thank you, Mr. Harley Breen, for pointing out I had flown back from Europe for Carl's wedding. Sure, a television gig paid for me to fly back.
Starting point is 00:16:12 But I would have done it regardless of that. Probably not. But I would have looked into it. I would have looked into Skype or something. All we needed to do to get you to fly over, hey Cody, you earned virgin velocity points. I want to fly in a nice seat.
Starting point is 00:16:28 You're going to be a king in the air for 2018. Yeah, so the thing is that I did forget to bring it on the day. I was very jet lagged. Then I remembered, why do I feel like a cunt? Chandler gave me my wedding money maybe five or six weeks after I'd been married, no card, in a handshake like I'd just done a spot at European Comedy Forum. On this very podcast. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:54 On air. A handshake with cash in it and he's got the balls to fucking get Josh Hurdle. And the worst thing about that is he did it on this show so technically that counts as a tax write-off. Oh, great. Get Josh here. And the worst thing about that is he did it on this show, so technically that counts as a tax write-off. Oh, great. Because it was content. Great.
Starting point is 00:17:12 I'm going to be doing the same thing. Yeah, great. The ATR are going to be sniffing around. Well, having said that, now I have a question for you. Now, wedding, talking about the wedding, there was something that I've only recently found out that happened at the wedding because we're still getting my wife and I. See, I don't want to say wife.
Starting point is 00:17:31 It's not fun. It's not fun. Do you say wife? My wife and I. Yeah, it sounds no good. What do you want? Mistress? The miss-o. Start using the miss-o. The cheese and kisses? There's a great song by the Fives, by my favourite Australian band called the Fives called Girlfriend for Life and I was saying to –
Starting point is 00:17:51 Oh, my God. What about that? What about GFL? What about that? Oh, my God. She goes, oh, can I call you hubby? I'm like, absolutely not. Hubby is awful.
Starting point is 00:18:02 Yeah. Hubby is the worst. And nothing like if you think hubby You would never think Kyle Chandler Yeah Even though technically He's a hubby
Starting point is 00:18:11 Yeah Yeah you're right It just doesn't scream hubby It needs some more Hard It needs like a K or a Z In there somewhere Exactly
Starting point is 00:18:18 Because hubby's a very round Word It needs like Hubby but it's like Barbed wire Around the edges Dilruch Jai singer, hubby. That makes sense.
Starting point is 00:18:26 No, no, that's chubby. Yeah. It's rhyming something. So at the wedding, we're still finding out stories about the wedding stuff that happened. I'm still getting complaints from the DJs on the day of all the people requesting and being fucking cunts to the DJs on the night, which the people requesting and being fucking cunts to the
Starting point is 00:18:45 djs on the night which is good because that was only the avalanches so why would you respect them but that was just people were just coming up from from my wife's side coming up going of course just play fucking nutbush why the fuck aren't you playing it yeah from your wife's side yeah yeah the ones that all gave gifts what great people you're On paper, what you said makes sense. Yeah, I know. I did think that it was interesting of you to get them to DJ in that context because it would have been a long time that they'd done a gig like that. Like a wedding.
Starting point is 00:19:13 DJed in that way where you're having to put up, like they're playing festivals. There's no way of getting through a barricade to hold up your phone and you've gone into the fucking notes app and gone put fucking. Single ladies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they were very nervous about it actually. They were like, oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Doing a gig. Yeah. For some fucking 25 years. Do your job, you cunts. No, it was more like now, you know, he's been talking about us on the podcast for a long time. This is going to publicly confirm it that, yes, he's friends with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Everything changes after this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything changes after this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm still finding stuff like that. So I was very appreciative of them for doing that. But here's one story I found out a couple of days ago, which was, so my wife, she works in a major airline. So her boss was invited. Her boss and his partner were invited along.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Were they? Yes. The boss at that airline? Yes. I would have fucking gone off on him. You status match me, you dog. And I'll fly your shitbox. Listen to the rest of the story. Oh no. Did I kick off?
Starting point is 00:20:23 So I get the story back that the boss has come back and complained and gone and gone oh yeah oh thanks for you know the invite to the wedding but there was you know i was sort of quite awkward at one point oh why was that well at some stage someone come up and found out that i was the you know the boss at this airline and then come up went, so you're the boss at that airline. Yeah, I am. Oh, so you can like get flights for people. Oh, I guess so. This person has then said to my wife's boss, I would suck your dick for a first class upgrade. And my wife says, who would have said that?
Starting point is 00:20:58 I'm like, I can only think of one man. That was not me. Well, on paper, you are the number one candidate. Man, fuck that shit. I know that airline. That fucking one world dog airline. I'm not going to fly it. It's fucking banned.
Starting point is 00:21:12 It's a risky event. It's banned from certain airspace. All right, all right. Let's not give a lot of detail out to the very fine folk there that have flown me for free to many places. Yeah, I know. No, it is very nice. But no, I me for free to many places. Yeah, I know. No, it is. It is very nice.
Starting point is 00:21:27 But no, I'm not going to fly it. No, but literally someone did do it. It's the sort of thing that I would do thinking it was funny. Like I've got chills going. It could have been me, but I don't think it was me. I don't think I would have met him. It's got Kappa written all over it. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:21:41 I actually think it was. I reckon I'd recognise the boss of Tiger Airways from looking in the front of the magazine. So I'd know. I have a magazine. Magazines. Pamphlet. Fucking sick bag. He wasn't wearing shoes, so it was a dead giveaway
Starting point is 00:21:58 which one he was. Yeah, he wasn't wearing a captain's hat. He was wearing a fucking beanie. So it was probably that guy. Yeah, look, I know formal is pretty vague, but I think a bintang singlet is pushing the bounds a little bit. It's a tie. He's got a tuxedo t-shirt.
Starting point is 00:22:19 Hi, I'm the CEO. Pleasure to meet you. I would suck your dick just to not have to pay for the spaghetti carbonara on that flight That'd be rough, I would suck your dick for an upgrade on Tiger You would suck my dick for 20 bucks? Yes Alright, nice, good one
Starting point is 00:22:36 Thanks for naming your price I don't suspect you, Nick of doing that at all I have my suspicions as to who it was Who do you reckon? I don't suspect you, Nick, of doing that at all. I have my suspicions as to who it was. Who do you reckon? I suspect it is someone not in comedy. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:22:52 Yeah. Someone invited on my side of things. It's just someone who's quite keen on fellatio? Someone who just likes getting pissed and saying what they want, I think. Oh, okay. Which, you know, could be you. I don't get pissed, apparently. It's just one in ten conversations. Statistically we're due.
Starting point is 00:23:07 That's it. You know who's due for something like that? Moon Man. That was my first guess. It's a Moon Man. It reeks of Moon Man. Yeah, well, look, nothing's confirmed at all. So maybe I'll go through the guess who list.
Starting point is 00:23:19 If he says it was the Prime Minister, you go, hold on a second. Also, he goes into character just to cover his tracks. If I say to him, was this the best thing he said all night? And he says, yes, well, it's probably Mooney. Yeah, okay. I'm disappointed that it's not definitely a comedian because I'd love to – that's more interesting to me than the gifts thing, narrowing down who said this.
Starting point is 00:23:39 I'll find out because I feel like a little bit embarrassed to go back and ask questions or anything. But I'll go back in. For the sake of content, I'll go back in and try and find out. Is this not slightly weird on his part? And by the way, this person, this boss, English is not his first language. Okay. So where he's from is not like…
Starting point is 00:23:59 Sucking dicks is cool. No, it's not a raging hotbed of comedy where he's from. Yes, okay, sure. So he sort of took it quite seriously. I would commit a federal crime to get an upgrade. I would get my hands chopped off to
Starting point is 00:24:14 get the upgrade. Is this, now, is that slightly weird form? With all these clues, it's like Guess Who of the Airlines for me, because I don't know exactly what it is, and I'm just going, hands cut off. That's right, you picked it, it's like guess who of the airlines for me because I don't know exactly what it is and I'm just going, hands cut off. That's right, you picked it, it's Rex.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Is this slightly weird to like after the wedding, presumably this has happened in the workplace. He said, thanks for having me, I had a wonderful time. And she's gone, oh, thanks for being there. And then he's gone, let me just air one unfortunate – like shouldn't you keep that to yourself? Is that a little – No, it's like airlines.
Starting point is 00:24:49 You send an email after, how was our flight? Would you recommend us to your friends? Were there any incidents? Yeah. But that's like me going to you, great wedding. However, I've got to say, I was at the urinal and I put it back in a bit too quickly and I got a bit of piss on my pants. And I mean, what the fuck's that?
Starting point is 00:25:07 Yeah, yeah. Because it is that boss's fault that somebody offered to suck his dick for a first class. He works for the airline. Of course it's his fault. He's holding all the cards. I'm sick of victim blaming on this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:17 You're right. You're right. But with all this talk about the outcome of the wedding. The outcome. By the way, well done for winning. Spoiler alert. Yes. It was a wedding of two halves.
Starting point is 00:25:31 She put up a good fight. I was in traffic the other day and I stopped in traffic. I was going to a gig with a friend of mine, Adam Knox, so he can verify this, and stopped in traffic. And it was in like Mooney Ponds or something. Had the window wound down. Someone just walked by and went, do you want a fucking wedding present, mate?
Starting point is 00:25:51 Listener of the show just walked by and wedding present heckled me. It's so much better if it's not a listener, if it's just an ice head and it's just pure coincidence. No, no, he had a suit on. He's clearly just the most. Yeah, some people squeegee windshields and other people just offer wedding gifts. Yeah, yeah. Were you just about to say he had a suit on. He's clearly just... Yeah, some people squeegee windshields and other people just offer wedding gifts. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Were you just about to say he had a suit on? He's clearly a listener. You guys... Well, he wasn't a... You guys are on white collar now. No, well, he wasn't a junkie or anything like that. He'd lardied us in the opera house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:16 I had a guy come up to me in the street the other day. He was jogging and he kind of stopped and he like, you know, touched me on the shoulder. He's like, are you Tommy Dasolo? And I go, yeah. And he goes, oh, I listen to both your podcasts. He's like, are you Tommy Dasolo? And I go, yeah. And he goes, oh, I listen to both your podcasts. Oh, big fan. Love it so much.
Starting point is 00:26:28 And I go, oh, thanks, man. Thanks for listening. And then he goes, so am I going to get a shout out on the show or what? Just immediately went into pushing for his shout out. So here you go, you cunt. Well, I got. Run off the West Coast. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:52 Hey, mates, it's your little friends Tommy and Carl dropping in mid-episode to let you know that this episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by our friends at Dollar Shave Club. Wow, finally, Dumb Dumb Club and Dollar Shave Club together at last. Now, I've got to say, it's a pretty obtuse name that they've got going on here. I can't for the life of me work out what this company could possibly do. They sell.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Is this a pet care range? Is this a babysitting service? It's a club lock to put on your car to make sure no one steals it. No, of course not. It is a shaving company. So, look, the lovely folk there are now putting their money where their mouth is and supporting our little show. And we're doing our bit by chucking out their name and their description of their services.
Starting point is 00:27:29 They are lovely. I've just started using it. Excellent. Thank you very much for asking, Tommy. Yes. So dollarshaveclub.com delivers high-quality razors right to your house for less than what you'd pay at the shops. They were kind enough to send us a care package, which you may have noticed, Carl, I never use a razor. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:47 And I have today. Yeah. Because I wanted to be able to speak with authority on what this product is like. Now, you could make the argument that because I never use razors that my testimony here is invalid because I have basically nothing to compare it to. I wouldn't have led with that.
Starting point is 00:28:02 I would have led with I never use razors until now. And now I will. But what they sent me was a razor kit and some of their shaving butter which I've got to say, this shaving butter tasted delicious. Really? It doesn't foam. It's very nice. It's very soft on the skin and I tell
Starting point is 00:28:20 you what, that was the smoothest shave I've ever had. Really? It was beautiful. I like the name of it, Dr. Carver's Shave Butter. Yeah, I've got to find out who this Dr. Carver bloke is. To start with, you don't need Carver when you're mucking around with a blade going around your face. And he's like, you don't need... Dr. Chopping with an axe. Now, you took me to task for things I shouldn't have lived with.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Ridiculing the name of the product, a choice that I wouldn't have made. But hey, that's why we're different. I'm just giving people free content out there in the midst of a glowing testimony of the great doctor's product. So Dollar Shave Club, you can get on their website, dollarshaveclub.com, and they are going to send you razors every month. You don't have to deal with the hassle of going to the store. You just get on their site.
Starting point is 00:29:02 You pick whatever you want from their lineup of amazing blades, and that's all there is to it. We got the executive razor, and as we mentioned, Dr. Carver's shaving butter. And so here's your chance to see why over three million members love the Dollar Shave Club right now. You can get your first month of the club. Hey, they're a club just like us. Yeah, like I said right at the start. For as little as $5, and after that it's just a few
Starting point is 00:29:25 bucks a month. Dollar Shave Club is so confident in the quality and value of all of their products that there's no long term commitment or any hidden fees. All you have to do is go to dollarshaveclub.com slash dumdum. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash dumdum like the name of this show.
Starting point is 00:29:41 Okay, I get it now. Five bucks a month. I'm literally going to subscribe. I'm going to do it. You should. You know what? Everyone's doing it. Everyone subscribes to our Patreon. I'm going to do the same.
Starting point is 00:29:52 It's five bucks a month. Everyone's doing it. It's like the twist. Yeah. All right, chubby checker. But yeah, genuinely, it's a great product. It's a cheap product. So yeah, if you're a shavers, get on there.
Starting point is 00:30:04 They're doing the right thing by putting their money to us so you know we know how you guys how the listeners love to get behind a product that gets behind us it's happened with
Starting point is 00:30:11 many products in the past many ads so get behind these guys yeah and yeah if you don't forget to use that URL
Starting point is 00:30:19 dollarshaveclub.com slash dumdum that is how you can let them know that you came by this because we've got to be honest we've really big noted ourselves to these guys
Starting point is 00:30:28 so don't make us look like fucking idiots yeah like they've got six million users or whatever and we said to them oh right that's about half of what
Starting point is 00:30:35 listen to our show every week so you know they're going to come looking for these 12 million listeners exactly so get these razors and then you know what you'll be saying
Starting point is 00:30:41 to the hairs on your face what? see you mate oh now this now I see why they picked us up yeah these razors and then you know what you'll be saying to the hairs on your face. See you, mate. Now I see why they picked us up. Well, so after the wedding, a couple of weeks after that, I went on the honeymoon that was provided by two out
Starting point is 00:31:04 of three of you. Yeah. That's alright. I waited until the honeymoon that was provided by two out of three of you. That's all right. I'll wait until the honeymoon. I think Looch and I went to lunch on the money that you gave because you couldn't spend it on the honeymoon because we got it afterwards. Was it a fancy lunch or was it like, you know,
Starting point is 00:31:20 a couple of sandwiches at the server? Yeah, I put a few vouchers in the handshake. It was one of those entertainment books that you get in the mail. Yes. Coupons, yes. Equal or lesser value. Congratulations. Five Zinger meals.
Starting point is 00:31:34 Twelve bucks. Got to Rome Airport. Got recognised by a listener. Oh, very nice. The Pope. Shout out to Frankie if you're listening. And again, because it's our listeners, like getting the walk-by wedding present heckle before,
Starting point is 00:31:52 got recognised in the airport with this sentence, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in Thailand? Well done. You were thinking the same thing, I'll bet. Yeah, yeah. Did she trick you? Did she say you were getting, she like did up a fake
Starting point is 00:32:04 like boarding gate thing, you get off at Rome, you're like, what the fuck's this I'll bet. Yeah, yeah. Did she trick you? Did she say you were getting – she, like, did up a fake, like, boarding gate thing. You get off at Rome, you're like, what the fuck's this? No, there was no trick. So this is what happened. So the pick was that she's always wanted to go to Italy. So we go there, all good. But because –
Starting point is 00:32:17 What a review. Yeah. That's what I put on TripAdvisor. All good. All good. What a nice man. Or as they say, bravo. So because there's the airline privileges involved,
Starting point is 00:32:34 what happens is we're on standby. Your dick sucks, you got up. Yes. Yes, we did the deed. I had sex on the wedding night, not with my wife, with her boss. She was still in economy but Chando was up front I love the idea that you could suck a dick
Starting point is 00:32:50 to go to first class or you could get your dick sucked and lose your first class that's a good airline that's a good lottery yeah that's a great lottery it's like soccer
Starting point is 00:33:01 there's promotion and relegation I like it so we're on standby which means Great lottery. It's like soccer. There's promotion and relegation. I like it. So we're on standby, which means that we have to make sure that there's seats on the plane before we get to go on there because we're not paying for anything like that. So as long as there's spare seats, we can sort of creep on. I do love the privileges of this airline deal, by the way. Turn up and you might not get on the plane.
Starting point is 00:33:24 Well, thank you, you boss it's the dilrog jaya singer approach to airlines yeah yeah look i've only just started running into the problems of this approach but um generally you're all right so um we do that we get to go over there there's no problems going over there but on the way back we find out oh we've actually booked this in at a time where people are coming home from school holiday so there's going to be a lot of problems as we literally can't fly direct home from rome and so my wife is sort of explaining that and i go yeah it's almost like we need a stopover or something let's find somewhere else and she's like yeah you're right all right let's do that i said well maybe in asia or something she goes yeah that's a great idea oh you're
Starting point is 00:34:02 fucking done so we went to bangkok on the way home yeah and that's a great idea. Oh, you've fucking done it again. So we went to Bangkok on the way home. Yeah. And she's like trying to find another way. She's like, no, that's actually the best way to do it. She just gave in because when you saw the Colosseum in Rome, you're just going, Friday night. Fight Friday night.
Starting point is 00:34:19 Fight. Tonight. Keep boxing. Tonight. You're haggling with some 80-year-old Italian man over the pizza that he's just made you. No, no, no. I will not pay more than $1 for this. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:31 But I do – look, I have some questions for you because you're the king of the plane, Nick Cody. Have you got a lot of rules on the plane? Like have you got – I've been travelling enough now that I'm like, oh, fuck, some things are all right and some things are not on. There's like little sort of – Man, I just found out I just got a schedule for my European tour and I'm seriously considering cancelling two of the shows
Starting point is 00:34:48 because I have to fly airlines that Skytrax has said are in the 20 worst airlines in the world. I just won't go to the country. Have they got Cyrillic writing on the side of the plane? Fucking probably. Bulgaria Air. Yeah, it just doesn't sound good, does it? Why don't they just, you know, Bulgaria, the AIR in Bulgaria.
Starting point is 00:35:08 That's some good marketing you could offer. No, that seems less good. Like that sounds more dodgy, don't you? Yeah. Yeah, really. So, yeah, I would be worried about that stuff. There was a plane I flew, Air Serbia, when I caught up with the gun runner himself. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Fuck, where is it? Belgrade. Belgrade. Belgrade. Belgrade, which was fucking awesome. But we flew out on a plane that wasn't an Airbus and it wasn't a Boeing. It was like a Russian, it was like a Kalish-16 and I'm like, no good.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Yeah. This is no good. Yeah, and don't know, there's like, there's just tiny little things that I've found out from the air trade is don't fly on a Russian plane and don't fly on a plane that has the word Asia in the title. They're little tips I've been given. If you've watched Air Crash Investigations, it's a good –
Starting point is 00:35:56 Right, right. Do they give those tips out there? They just absolutely say do not fly with these people. It never ends well. Yeah, yeah. But about this. So I flew on a flight on the way back where it was a – because it was a bit complicated coming home because all the planes
Starting point is 00:36:12 were full coming home, I had to fly from Bangkok to Malaysia, Ronny Chieng's hometown, and then to Melbourne. From Bangkok to KL is like an hour flight. Now, I've got a really bad run. I feel like I've had a really good run in the past of getting aisle seats, which is my favourite, aisle seats. Oh, that's the only thing you'll see me in. Right.
Starting point is 00:36:36 Okay, that's your bit. That's why I stick to the virgin thing. Right. So, that's why you've never had sex. That's what I took out of that sentence. Anyway. I stay in the aisle so hopefully mile high club I'm closest to the toilets
Starting point is 00:36:49 hopefully someone will pick me so I've got a brutal run of middle seats I reckon for the last couple of months and just nothing but middle seats that's why you've got to stick to an airline man
Starting point is 00:36:59 yeah yeah you have to yeah but I you're flying all the time or suck the guy's dick for not a middle seat. For an aisle seat, yeah. Wow, not even an upgrade, just an aisle seat.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Something you can get on and book yourself online. If you get to the airport 30 minutes early, you can get yourself. So, oh, I cupped a guy who I got in there, he was already eating right. Now, the plane hadn't taken off, the guy was already eating. Now, I'm pretty sure that's not even in the rules. rules like he'd somehow got the stewardesses to give him food before the plane like airline food didn't bring a sandwich on yeah no no no he had airline food yeah already wow and he's this big fat guy spilling into the seat next to me he was already eating and when i got on like he clearly got on early and then put his hand up and go no i want
Starting point is 00:37:39 the i want food on food they give him food i get on he's on. He's chowing down and he offers a handful of food. Do you want this? I'm like, you should be so fucking hungry, you shouldn't be offering it to me. What was the food? A handful. Yeah. That's what I want to know. Of grain.
Starting point is 00:37:54 It was a cow that was in the plane. He was fattening you up. You were next. Keep your hand flat when you're feeding Chandler. He will bite you on the plane. We take off. He then, the trolley comes down and, you know, it's only an hour flight, so it's lucky for anything to come down.
Starting point is 00:38:11 He comes down, gets the food. That's fine. He's only doing second meal. As he finishes it and they're picking up the rubbish, he yells out, like he's got no manners, he yells out, have you got any more of those meals? They come back and they very begrudgingly go, we had one left, and he just takes it.
Starting point is 00:38:28 No, thanks. It's his third meal in the hour. Great. Great. Insane. I never – when we flew from – oh, no, you went on this flight. When me and Milan flew from Montreal to New York, it's like a – it's a plane that had –
Starting point is 00:38:43 Delta Connection plane. I was on the same plane the next day. Right. Same style of plane where it's like one row is one seat and then there's the aisle and then there's two. So it's fucking tiny. It's like a 45 minute flight. I was amazed when we take
Starting point is 00:38:58 off and there's no wasted space on this thing. They've got a food cart hidden in there. It's like, who needs a cup of soup? Like, it's just, like, surely, and we've all got baggage weight limits, piss off this fucking big cart and let us bring a couple more kilos on. Yeah, yeah, put a hamburger and a Coke in each little pocket in front of it. Yeah, it blows me away.
Starting point is 00:39:17 And it's like, the flight is at two in the afternoon, you've had lunch, you're ages away from dinner, who is this fucking maniac who needs a shit sandwich that badly? Yeah, I flew between two Fijian islands. As you boarded, you just got handed a tiny can of Coke and a muffin. It's like, all right, you're in 3C and eat and drink this quickly. Yeah, yeah. It was seriously a 20-minute flight.
Starting point is 00:39:38 And it was like, boom, boom, go. Why are the Russians running this Fijian airline? That's family connections. I do. That's the thing that you're pretty game taking it on, but the flight from Samui where they've just got the little free bit of food at the gate. Love a bit of that.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Now, with season travel like yourself and like a bunch of you guys, now this is the thing that drives me nuts about Melbourne all the time is that like it's an hour away from the airport. There's only the Skybus. It's the shittest way of getting in and out. You go to someone like – There's Ubers or cabs or – Yeah, yeah, but it's not convenient.
Starting point is 00:40:12 You go to all these – Walking like in the castle. Hey, I've got a story about that. Yeah, very nice. We'll keep that for the end. I love that cabs aren't convenient to Carl, but the Skybus is. I didn't say Skybus was convenient. I'm saying it's shit.
Starting point is 00:40:26 Like everything's shit compared to like say, you know, Bangkok or Rome. It's all right for you because the Skybus from you is like you get a train into the city and then the Skybus out. But for me, I live halfway between the Skybus and the airport. So if I want to get the Skybus, I go backwards to get on a shit bus. But just purely this, you're paying $20 to get on a bus. Yeah. It's shithouse.
Starting point is 00:40:47 Hey, man, they got Wi-Fi on there. Yeah, well, I took from Bangkok. I went to the city to the airport. It cost me $2 on the train and it went directly to the airport. $2? Hold on. Are you telling me Thailand is cheaper than Australia? Yes.
Starting point is 00:41:04 When you saw the dog with one leg and the dead baby on the road and the thousand electricity wires. It was a tuk-tuk train as well. So there was only two of us in the back. No, Rome. Rome was like three bucks, three bucks on the train to go to the airport. It's like everywhere else has got to work down except for here. I think we're the worst city for getting to and from the airport.
Starting point is 00:41:26 We must be up there for the size of the city that we are. Wasn't there some shit with the cab – what's the term I'm thinking? The cab union. Cab union pulled some shit. Taxi driver's union. Yeah, well, they were into Uber. Yeah, and they fucked a rail out to the airport. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:44 I know, but they also had to buy a bunch of houses uh like compulsorily acquire stuff it's a lot like the castle uh near the airport how does the castle go again do it for me quickly oh okay uh it begins with my name is dale kerrigan and this is my story can you write the script on in white out on that window there. Beautiful mind. Yeah, so like in what you said then, like Coast of Melbourne, we went there. It's like the airport is like three minutes away or something. Yeah. Like it's so good.
Starting point is 00:42:15 Melbourne's got the shitter system. I mean surely there's… Well, look, you can't change that now. That's just like that goes way back. The town planning stuff, there's nothing you can do about that. Put a fucking train out there for God's sake. Totally. And I think like, that goes way back. The town planning stuff, there's nothing you can do about that. Put a fucking train out there for God's sake. Totally. And I think they're planning it.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Daniel Andrews keeps talking about it. Since I was a kid, they've been saying they're planning it. They've been talking about this for 30 years. It's gone now. It's never going to happen. No, it's not going to happen now. Perth's pretty far away as well. And they've just built a whole new airport that's even further away. Actually, yeah, Perth's is pretty far away. Oh yeah, Perth's is shit. Yeah. Perth has like a second terminal that's like... That's half, yeah, Perth is pretty far away. Oh, yeah, Perth is shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Perth has like a second terminal that's like a ten-minute drive away. And if you get the wrong Uber, you're fucked. Like, that screwed me. It's so bad. Yeah. Let's just turn this into a town planning podcast. Yeah, yeah. If you guys just want to talk about airports and planes, I'm fucking good to go.
Starting point is 00:43:00 12 hours. I'm happy to chat. That's why I brought it up with you. I thought you'd be right into it. I've got to say, just recently I've gotten up with you I thought you'd be right into it I gotta say just recently I've gotten into the number of airports
Starting point is 00:43:09 that I've been in like I'm about to go to China to do gigs and when I fly to Singapore from there I stop over in KL just in the airport and I'm like
Starting point is 00:43:17 sure it'd be nice to see a bit of KL but hey that's just one more airport I get to fucking dick around in for 3 hours from Shanghai to KL to Singapore.
Starting point is 00:43:26 Oh. Yeah. Isn't that like, isn't KL to Singapore like 20 minutes on the plane? They go to Malaysia Airlines? I don't know. Yeah. But my point is, I'm like, cool, one more airport that I'm going to get to be. Middle seats and shit.
Starting point is 00:43:35 That blows my mind. The China gigs I was looking into, you go Singapore Airlines, they're a partner of Virgin, so you get the same points, same status credits and shit, get looked after. Any hand on the way to Europe? Yeah, it's me who's a beautiful mind. Oh, man, when it comes to flights, it'll be three in the morning and Lucha will look and I've got fucking 25 tabs open.
Starting point is 00:43:54 It's like, what are you doing? You just look into the matrix. Yeah. It's just ones and zeros, that's all I see. I know you see ones and zeros, but I see status points, free meal, aisle seat. So anyway, I went to Italy. We went to Italy for most of it.
Starting point is 00:44:10 Sorry, just very quickly. Good stuff. The thing of getting on before your flight and picking your seats. It's such a basic thing but fuck you feel like a super hacker when you pull it off. Like getting the email that's like confirmed seat, you know, 2C. You're like,
Starting point is 00:44:25 I fucking hacked the system here. It's a week before the flight and I know where I'm sitting. You've got to get onto it, but you can't though because you're doing the, you're sitting there with your hat in your hand going, please sir. Yeah, let me on. Hiding with the landing gear. Sitting in the middle taking handfuls
Starting point is 00:44:42 of food off fucking the flight controller. Sucking dicks to get an aisle seat. Standby sounds like the worst. You're in the middle taking handfuls of food off fucking food containers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sucking dicks to get an aisle seat. Standby sounds like the worst. You're in the alleyway out the back of the bakery just hoping for some of those bread rolls that they throw out at the end of the day. No, your standby has been great until recently. I'm going to disagree because when we went around the States together, I believe at least twice you missed your flight sitting there
Starting point is 00:45:05 with me, not allowed on the plane. That's what I said until recently. After hearing these travel stories, would you say that you're a cunt in the air, cunt on the ground? But with a full wallet. So we went to Italy. Now, I should have got – you've just been to Italy, haven't you, like earlier in the year?
Starting point is 00:45:25 It's the year of Italy for comedians. Like there's so many comedians have gone to Italy. Now, I should have got – you've just been to Italy, haven't you, like earlier in the year? It's the year of Italy for comedians. Like there's so many comedians have gone to Italy this year. Seriously, when I was there, Sean McAuliffe was there. Mooney had just been there. Jamon was there. Gleeson was – Tom Gleeson was there. Yeah, I think Pickering went as well. Yeah, right, right.
Starting point is 00:45:42 So many people have been there. So I could have got advice from any of you. The only comedian advice I did get just before I went to Italy was from Brett Blake. Great. A friend of mine, Brett Blake, who said, and I quote, just be careful, Italy is very Italian. That was his tip.
Starting point is 00:46:00 He's on brand. Second sentence after I said nothing after that one. He wasn't joking. Can I guess the second sentence? Go. Those dagos don't put pineapple on brand. Second sentence after I said nothing after that one. He wasn't joking. Can I guess the second sentence? Go. Those Dagos don't put an apple on pizza. He said to me, Italy is very... Not to condone racism, but Dago fucking kills me.
Starting point is 00:46:17 Oh, it's fucking great. Dago is so funny. What about eye tie? Eye tie. That's a classic old race. A bit of eye tie. My dad still says that. Dago is fucking hilarious.
Starting point is 00:46:26 No, so Brett Blake said that and by way of explanation straight after, he said these two sentences in a row. He said, Italy is very Italian. They have a siesta. Because at the start of it, I understand like you'd be turning up and getting shitty that you can't get fucking chicken satay. It's like the first time you've gone overseas to somewhere non-Thai in a very long time.
Starting point is 00:46:53 Yes. So I would understand if that was what he was getting at. What if he had said, Italy is not very Thai. Yes, yeah. Probably something you need to be reminded of. Who was the old lady's place we went to in... Ninja Crepes. Yeah, Ninja Crepes.
Starting point is 00:47:09 Did you find an equivalent of Ninja Crepes? In Italy? Yeah. Oh, Emperor Crepes. It'll creep so. No, I did do the old TripAdvisor stuff where you sort of find the number one, number two, number three sort of restaurants in the city and go around and do all that sort of stuff.
Starting point is 00:47:26 But see, TripAdvisor is a bit tricky where they don't show you actually the best restaurants. They just show you what gives you a good feeling inside almost in a way because like the number one place was a tiramisu stand which I then found and then went, it's fine but like I think the main reason it got number one rankings was because they sold a version of it which was, like, a dollar and people got excited and went, what a great place to get a dollar's worth of tiramisu.
Starting point is 00:47:51 Trip advice. You've almost got to kind of, like, I reckon you've got to look and just Google, like, best stuff and then try and find almost, like, someone's travel blog or something. Like, just one person who you can tell their tastes kind of line up with yours. Because, yeah, those things are just like the most, the best rated thing isn't going to be the best thing there.
Starting point is 00:48:10 What do you reckon is the best rated pub in Melbourne? Probably like fucking Young and Jackson's or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. It's like, don't go to Rotten Tomatoes. Sorry, mate. Yeah, Rotten Tomatoes. Don't go to Rotten Tomatoes. Find a movie reviewer that you actually agree with.
Starting point is 00:48:23 Yes, yes. I finally found one after the death of Roger Ebert. Oh, great film. Like Roger Ebert was a great film reviewer and I used to just go, all right, what did Roger say? And I'll probably agree with it. Oh, really? You lined up with old Rog.
Starting point is 00:48:35 I did, yeah. Right. All right. That's good. Okay. God rest him. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:41 You know what he thought about the castle? Yeah. Now we're back. You never saw it. I did something in Amalfi. I went to Amalfi in Italy and I feel like I had the full Italian experience. We saw a poster for an Italian queen cover band. Oh, nice.
Starting point is 00:49:02 And so we went along and saw that. And so we went along and saw that. La Queen. Really? We went along and saw that. The ultimate Italian experience is going to watch them be an English band. Yeah, but it was like late at night so there was nothing else. Like we'd already been out to dinner, we'd had drinks, we'd gone for a walk and then it was like,
Starting point is 00:49:19 come and see this Queen cover band at 10 o'clock at night. And I'd had enough drinks to go that sounds fucking awesome they're in italian or english yeah well yeah well we went in there and it like cost you know 15 euro to go in this it's like 20 bucks or something and we're like oh this is going to be this big band we get in there it's two blokes right two blokes with a backing track yeah who are then performing in front of a cinema screen like a pull-down cinema screen, which they just play Queen's greatest hits onto that and don't sync up with that at all and just sing in front of that. Is that like video clips or a concert?
Starting point is 00:49:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not even a live show. And then even worse, just a guy pretending to be Adam Lambert. Yeah. This is fucked. You're not even going back that far. No, no, just a guy in drag waving with a glove on. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Oh, fuck that queen. People who learned about the band Queen about two years ago and went, this is good shit. Oh, but honestly it was like that because it was like these guys, you know, like where, you know, say like Pink, for example, is like massive in Australia but not very big anywhere else or whatever. It was like all the wrong albums had gone big in Italy. Yeah, great.
Starting point is 00:50:26 So they're playing all these like B-sides and all these. We will now close with Fat Bottom Girls. No, nothing that popular. They were playing stuff off their last albums and they're like, oh, now this one and waiting for applause and everyone just going, we thought we were going to hear We Are The Champions. I was going to say, I know that is entirely why you went in. It's always the last song at the drunk cast.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Yeah. No, no, no, no. I just thought this would be interesting and it was. Like I just got really pissed and really got into it because there was all these weird reactions from the crowd and weird interactions with the two guys singing. And one guy, he would go… They did crowd work, did they?
Starting point is 00:51:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sweet. Yeah, and they were singing Queen songs with all very broken English singing and one guy he would go uh like crowd work did they yeah yeah yeah yeah sweet yeah and they were singing queen songs with all very broken english which made me very happy what size what size venue is this it was in a um like it was like on a basketball court oh so it's pretty big yeah but there was hardly anyone there's no one they cut it in half they put they pulled the screen down halfway oh right okay yeah yeah yeah. Low numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, but everyone was so enthusiastic. Suicide Wednesday, mate.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Tough to get people in. Oh, it was Wednesday night at 10 o'clock at night. And like the performers, the guys that were singing, that were taking turns singing, would then go like, they'd like sing a, hold a note. And then at one point this guy goes, he holds the note and then he points at the screen and goes, like Freddie.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Meanwhile there's an In Excess cover band playing at the Town Hall. Fucking that's sold out. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, it was – Like Freddie. Yeah, and I was the only one drinking. What?
Starting point is 00:52:04 Yeah, yeah. He's going to this sober. I don't know. It was just like older folk and whatever going, they're going, oh, this is the only thing that's technically on. I didn't think I'd say this, Fred. What the fuck's wrong with Dagos? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:15 One out of ten. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Here's the ten percent. Oh, no. But I loved it. I was so happy. I loved shit stuff. Yeah. It wasn't shit. I was so happy. I loved shit stuff.
Starting point is 00:52:25 It wasn't shit. It was just weird. My dad and I went on a Sopranos bus tour in New York. And the guy started – first of all, one of the characters was outside selling Sopranos merch out of the boot of his car. Amazing. This is before the tour began. You forget who it was.
Starting point is 00:52:43 But he was like one of the big characters in it, selling shit out the back. A real guy. A real actor. Yeah, a real actor. And you don't know which character? Nah, I want to say... Is this in conjunction with the tour
Starting point is 00:52:52 or has he just found out this is happening and just turns up there? No, they've got him... Yeah, they work with him. It was just weird seeing this guy open his boot and sell shit out the back. Then we all get on the bus and I'm with Dad, good Dad, as we know, Fajar.
Starting point is 00:53:08 We're sitting at the back of the bus and the guy gets on the mic and he starts the tour by going, good morning to get whacked. And my dad at the back goes, boo. Just set the tone for this guy. It was like he was making the worst shit puns about mafia stuff the whole time. Great. Great.
Starting point is 00:53:34 Well, I went to this thing and the great thing is like because it's not English speaking, they were doing stuff that wouldn't be done here. Like there's Queen cover bands here, right? But they call themselves Queen cover bands. The poster here was like, come and see Queen live. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great. And with a big picture of Freddie Mercury and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:53:53 who's falling for that? Yeah, that's on you. You shouldn't have to put fake, not real Freddie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Freddie. Like Freddie. That's a great name of the band. Queen cover band Like Freddie. That's a great name of the band. The Queen cover band, Like Freddie.
Starting point is 00:54:08 Yeah, great name of the band. Like dot, dot, dot, Like Freddie. Not Freddie. Like Freddie. Like Freddie. Yeah, yeah. Well, I have a thread that I should follow up on. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Another big thing from the Sydney Opera House gig. So you guys have both listened to it. For anyone, just a quick catch-up, I took my suit in to get dry cleaned before we went to do the gig, got it back, got up to the gig, put the suit on. They've given me the wrong suit. Way too big. Comically oversized suit.
Starting point is 00:54:37 So I get back on the Tuesday, so like four, five days after the gig, and I get a call on the Tuesday morning from the old Vietnamese woman who runs the dry cleaners and she's in quite broken English. It's sort of just a call comes up from an unknown number and so I'm all of a sudden getting yelled at about this suit and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, I've been away. I just got home today. I'll bring it in later this afternoon.
Starting point is 00:55:02 I end up getting, you know, I just lose track of time. I don't end up getting it in like it's fine. I'll get up in later this afternoon. I end up getting, you know, I just lose track of time. I don't end up getting it in. Like, it's fine. I'll get up in the morning. I get called at like 6 p.m. that night from, I assume, the daughter of this Vietnamese family because she speaks perfect English. They've brought in the big guns. And she's like, hey, you've got this suit.
Starting point is 00:55:18 We need it back. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, sorry, I got held up today. I'll bring it in tomorrow morning. She goes, no, no, we need it now. Like, we need it now. Like we need it right now. Can we come to your house and can we get the suit right now? We need the suit.
Starting point is 00:55:31 And I'm out. So I text my housemate. I'm like, hey, do you mind getting it and facilitating this? And he's like, fine. And then I go, hang on a minute. I call her back and I go, so have you got my suit? And she goes, oh, let me check. Disappears for like a minute, comes back and goes, oh, yeah, we've got it here.
Starting point is 00:55:51 And I go, okay, so can you bring my suit around when you come to pick up this other suit? And she goes, okay. What? Why am I in trouble here? I did nothing wrong. So I felt bad because, like, I felt bad because I was out and I was trying to push my housemate. I'm like, look, I know you're already doing me a big favour,
Starting point is 00:56:13 but please, can you grill this? I've got to know. Why the urgency for this suit? Who owned this suit that they needed it that night? Because it was a big person, wasn't it? It was a larger person. Do you think mafia hit man? I mean maybe I'm just residual from the Sopranos talk.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Someone needs to have a suit on to do the hit. I need my lucky suit. Otherwise I'll miss. Well, so I don't know. I just felt like I was pretty mistreated by that play. So I've gotten on Yelp and I've left them a review. And you got your suit back? I got my suit back, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Which then, you know, they almost fooled me twice because I just kind of got it and you assume, oh, you know, this must be it. But then like a week later I had to go to a funeral and I realised I hadn't checked it and I'm just putting it on going fucking hell, imagine if they've done it again. But this time it's too
Starting point is 00:57:01 small so I just have to turn up to my uncle's funeral in casual clothes just like, hey, I know everyone in the family thinks I'm a real bum, but here I am just affirming it, just here in my tracksuit pants. Okay, so here's – and the place is Metcher Dry Cleaners. I will name and shame them on the air. Oh, nice. That's what we do on this podcast now apparently.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Hi there. My name is Tommy Dasolo, comedian, podcaster, and 13th tightest attendee at Carl Chandler's wedding. I recently brought my suit in here to be dry cleaned and to quote the most current reference from Danny McGinley's stand-up, I was not happy Jan. After taking out my
Starting point is 00:57:36 suit at the Sydney Opera House, open brackets we've all got stuff going on, close brackets I discovered that I'd been given someone else's suit in fact it looked like a suit that could have belonged to my friend Dilruk Jaisinger. I know you don't know who that is, so allow me to describe him in terms that perhaps you, a Vietnamese family, may understand. Dilruk is a little less Agent Orange
Starting point is 00:57:54 and a little more Agent Terry's Chocolate Orange. Shit! What? This suit was so oversized and of such poor quality that I spent my entire time on stage at the Sydney Opera House feeling as uncomfortable as Nick Cody in an economy class seat. In addition to this trespass, my dealings with your customer service division were more stressful than planning a live podcast in Adelaide.
Starting point is 00:58:14 I would like to propose to you the following. In order to make amends, you offer me free dry cleaning for one calendar year. And look, I don't want to sound like I'm threatening you, but I do happen to know a guy who works at the project on Mondays and sometimes on Fridays, so I'd advise you to not provoke me any further. Yours, Tommy Dasolo. Contact number 0438. No, don't.
Starting point is 00:58:32 So, yeah, that's up on Yelp now. Did you write that this morning with these guests in mind? Sure. So, yeah, how's that, though? Like I'm completely not done anything wrong and I'm just copping hate from them for fucking i do like that you'd go back to them it's like guys you fucked it up once i'd like you to fuck up all my suit deliveries for the next year i'm happy for you to fuck it up
Starting point is 00:58:56 but i just don't want to pay for it well this is now i mean i'm generally like if i have a bad experience at a place i'll typically still go back. But this is now entering my – this is number two on my no-go list now. The other one being veggie bar for the time they served me glass in a pizza and were extremely unapologetic about it. Well, and they charged you for the glass as well. That's the problem. And now, yeah, and now Metsch's dry cleaners on Smith Street. So it's just like this must be, you know, people like when they're
Starting point is 00:59:26 in their 20s, they kind of live in these like cool inner city areas and then they kind of end up as they get a bit older kind of moving further and further out. Maybe this is it. Maybe you just end up being burnt by every business around you so you've got no other options left. You've got to fuck off. That's going to be me.
Starting point is 00:59:40 I'm 50 and I've just got to beef with every place that's in a square radius of me. I'm just going back to Werribee, La Paquita where I feel safe. Literally the only place left for me in this godforsaken city. They didn't even offer you a jeans west voucher like a Kiwi open mic. And La Paquita is doing his dry cleaning by then as well. Yeah, I tell you what, I want Metch's dry cleaners run out of business. I want them to have no one going in there.
Starting point is 01:00:04 I want the Bionis to be sitting in there and it to be so quiet that they're saying, how's the serenity? That's what I want. La Ponqueta, the head of that, he's under arrest for mafia charges. It really could have been his suit. I've got to go to court. I'm going to fucking whack you. 30 minutes or it's free.
Starting point is 01:00:21 Well, that's the thing. I didn't want to check too much because I thought it would make me too angry. But, like, I didn't, like, did my suit end up getting another clean after they've presumably given it off to someone else? Yeah. And did that bloke try it on? Yeah. He was, like, way too big for it.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Yeah. It fit on his leg. The Hulk's come to kill me. You should have left a note in the pocket of your suit saying, as worn on the stage at the Sydney Opera House, just so that God knows what his suit's been doing without him. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's not bad.
Starting point is 01:00:54 That's the other thing. I want to track this guy down and go, hey, man, you were content. Part of you was content. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were you doing in my suit? Well, my – have I ever told this on the show? Someone I know was at a – this is ages ago, went to a funeral and had their suit on and looked down and realised that the last time,
Starting point is 01:01:12 that they hadn't had this suit cleaned since the last time they wore it and the last time they'd worn it they'd been involved in a sexual dalliance on a golf course and there was like a bit of cum just right down the leg. Right. So they're sitting in a family member's room. I like your mixer of sexual dahlias. And then there was cum.
Starting point is 01:01:31 I was trying to dance around and then I went, I'm ill-equipped for this. There's cum on the leg. They've got to work on their stroke. That's clearly a bit of a cum. Wrong hole, mate. You know what was coming? It might have been a bogey.
Starting point is 01:01:45 Yay. A dick bogey. Yay. A dick bogey. You fell in a sand trap. Give me the old dick bogey. Tip Rat and friend of the show, Luke Heggy, used to live with Osher Gunzberg. They're like great mates. They went to high school together.
Starting point is 01:02:00 Yes, right. And they were living together in Sydneydney when gunsberg was andrew g it was an australian idol and he'd get these free clothes all the time and heggie had to go it was either to a wedding or a funeral but the thing is it doesn't matter because he asked andrew g if he had any spare suit jackets and andrew g said yeah i've got a whole bag full just grab one he turns up to the event and about ten minutes in someone says, man, what's that on the back of your jacket? And he goes, what?
Starting point is 01:02:30 I just got this jacket. Give it to me. He goes, check the back of the jacket. And it had billabong in huge letters and a huge skull and crossbones. The shittest of all the bikey games. He's just grabbed it and looked at the front of the jacket, chucked it on and has not realised it's one of those early 2000s fucking... You're wrong.
Starting point is 01:02:51 It does make a difference because it's so good if it's a funeral. It's so good. But it's either like you're a tacky badass at a wedding or the most insensitive cunt at a funeral. Yeah, what is it? Or was it billabong and then what? A billabong and a big skull and crossbones. So the skull, if it's a funeral, it's like,
Starting point is 01:03:10 eh, he's doing a bit of this, isn't he? But what if he's the groom at his own wedding and he's just standing up there waiting for his wife? You have to pretend it's an inside joke between you and the corpse. Oh, he'll understand. That's what he would have wanted. But how can you have the old bikey skull and crossbones and have billabong?
Starting point is 01:03:26 Like, you can't be tough on a fucking surfboard out there with a knuckle duster around your fucking head. Here's the other question. Why was Andrew G wearing this on Australian Idol? I think the ice cream billabong tried to market themselves as a gang in the early 90s. He did not have an ice cream skull and crossbones fucking jacket on. How would he have...
Starting point is 01:03:47 Why would there have been one need for that thing to exist? What's that on your pants? Oh, no, it's the paddle pop line. He's got his paddle pop leather chaps on. And his Barney banana tie. What did you win on the ice cream stick? A second chance draw or did you get a razor scooter? No, I got a blazer.
Starting point is 01:04:07 You know. Oh, check out the gimp in the basement with a cornetto on his back. Just a cornetto on his back. You ran out of clothes that you wear off. Well, guys, talk about liquor price. Yay. Guys, we'd better wrap it up for another week on The Little Dum Dum Club.
Starting point is 01:04:29 Nick Cody, Danny McGinley, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks, guys. Thanks for letting us sort it all out. Danny had sorted it before it came up. Came pre-sorted. Things you'd care to plug, gentlemen? I am on in Perth on the I think it's the 27th
Starting point is 01:04:46 28th of October at the Side Splitter Comedy Festival oh cool doing my show about the Bulldogs and yeah it'd be great to see
Starting point is 01:04:53 the West Australian Dumb Dumb Army yeah great get on down there by the time oh sorry no that's it I think that's
Starting point is 01:05:00 I've got some Christmas shows at the Sit Down Comedy Club in Brisbane oh cool great by the time this is up nickcody.com.au
Starting point is 01:05:07 and have all the European dates come back to the Soho and Amsterdam and Belgrade and a bunch of other great spots which should be good
Starting point is 01:05:14 plenty of English and London listeners that always seem to come along and go to Soho they love a bit of banter oh it's towards the end of the run
Starting point is 01:05:22 maybe we can get Looch to bring it the people want to get merch. So many people the last two Soho runs, whatever, have said big dum-dum fans, but we don't want to pay. It's like 40 or 50 bucks or whatever. I'll sell them some T-shirts.
Starting point is 01:05:37 Yeah. I'll fuck that up. You're fucking right. Oh, yeah, so what? We send T-shirts along with you. Yeah. Yeah, that's sweet. I've got to say, that's sweet.
Starting point is 01:05:48 I've got to say, there's an increasing number of British dum-dum firing up on the socials. Have you noticed that? Yeah, and they order – I know it is fairly expensive to order postage as well, so I appreciate that as well. So, yeah, maybe that's a good idea. Maybe if you're one of those people that are going to Nick Cody's show, that want to go to Nick Cody's show and you want a shirt, hit us up and we can try and organise something. T-shirt meal.
Starting point is 01:06:07 Looch is flying. My wife's coming over for the second half when that London trip starts. Right. So we'll get her a little suit catch. Well, we don't want to have to, I think you have to pay like sales tax or something, so we will have to put the T-shirts in a condom
Starting point is 01:06:19 and put them up her ass. That's okay. To finish off, I should say this actually because this is what I forgot to say before, which is I went on my honeymoon directly from basically Sydney Opera House. So when we did those gigs, I had to go from Sydney to Melbourne, go and get changed and pack and all that sort of stuff and go off to Italy, right?
Starting point is 01:06:43 Now, what happened was there was a delay uh with coming into sydney which meant that i then had to go to melbourne not have time to go home and get changed or repack for italy or anything like that so what happened was i just had to bring what i had brought to sydney and now my wife brought like i i told her there was a delay I'm like oh I don't have any clothes she goes oh I've grabbed two t-shirts for you that'll have to do so I had two t-shirts but the entire what I had in my suitcase that I
Starting point is 01:07:14 dragged along Europe was a tuxedo that I'd worn at the Sydney Opera House and 15 dum-dum t-shirts that was my entire wardrobe for my trip to Europe a tuxedo and 15 dum-dum t-shirts. Hey, you could have been me. At least you were taking your tuxedo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine a thing that's not
Starting point is 01:07:29 even yours that you're lugging around the whole city. I just love the idea of me just walking around Europe with a dum-dum t-shirt on until I get to somewhere that's like, you can't come in in that world. I've got a tuxedo and that's about it. Just like from nought to a hundred. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing in between. No in between, yeah. Alright guys, yeah, we've got all our dates on sale.
Starting point is 01:07:46 LittleDumbDumbClub.com. We've got all the T-shirts. We've got all the merch. All that stuff. Melbourne and Perth and Canberra, we're coming for you. So look out. Thanks very much for listening, guys, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Oh, it's the barbershop. Cunts. And we are back. Wow. Are we are back. Wow. Are we doing another ad now or what's happening now? This is an ad for Patreon. Oh, Dr. Carver's Patreon? Dr. Carver's Patreon.
Starting point is 01:08:12 Great. Carver comedy. Right. Hey, don't skip ahead. I always see the look on your face when I speculate on a possible future family member of the comedy dynasty. I just see you just go, well, there's one off the list. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:08:26 There's no element of surprise. I can't just walk in the next week and say whatever you said the week before, especially if that person hasn't subscribed. Yes, good, keeping it on brand. So as we mentioned at the top of the show, the Patreon continues to kick along. Thank you to everyone who subscribes to this show. We really appreciate it.
Starting point is 01:08:44 And thank you to everyone who subscribes to this show. We really appreciate it. And thank you to everyone who gets behind us. Like, you know what another nice thing is to do is to follow us on social media so it bumps our numbers up and it looks more impressive for potential advertisers stuff like that. So we're on the Facebooks, we're on the Twitters, we're on the Instagrams, we're on everything that's
Starting point is 01:08:59 fucking real cool. So get on that. Also we've put this bit up the back of the show to make sure we don't scare off new listeners so i feel like putting it up the back oh uh so uh if you want to handball it on to a friend of yours very much feel free to do that say listen to these guys they used to talk shit for half an hour and then it got to the good bit well guess what now you can say they have a good bit and then they talk shit for half an hour all these people complaining going it makes it so hard for me to get my friends into it.
Starting point is 01:09:27 It's like we need to see a bump in the numbers for this to be worthwhile doing this at the end. Otherwise, guess what? It's going back at the fucking start to teach you all a lesson. We're getting rid of the middle bit and we're only doing the names. And we're still doing five. We're just repeating them over and over. I will say the responses to things on social media have shown me that a lot of people are still sticking around for this. Yep.
Starting point is 01:09:51 This bullshit. Man, it's my theory. No matter what we talk about, no matter how funny the episode, no one ever talks about it. It's when we do someone's name and we go, Scarecrow. Oh, I had a scarecrow once. And then fucking all we hear about is people going,
Starting point is 01:10:04 Oh, I met a scarecrow. Yeah, mispr then fucking all we hear about is people going, no, I met a scarecrow. Yeah, mispronounce a word. You never hear the fucking end of it. Yeah. Do a great bit about, you know, a pool being named after Harold Hull. Yeah. In the episode itself. No one gives a fuck.
Starting point is 01:10:15 Oh, was that one of yours? Yeah. Oh, right. I came up with that. That's a funny bit. I made Harold Hull disappear so that I could do that. And then I personally funded the pool just so I could do stand-up about it. Really?
Starting point is 01:10:27 Yeah. Well, I've recently named a new pool, the Tommy Daslow Pool. Oh, yeah? As part one of a plan of... Oh, I won't tell you the rest, but... Okay, so we need to get into this list, this however many we're going to do today. What we do now is we thank people that subscribe to the
Starting point is 01:10:45 Patreon, that get their bonus little stuff, they get their magazine, they get their bonus episodes, all that sort of stuff. So we are saying thank you individually to a randomly generated number of people. We're back to using the random number generator. Yeah. We're kind of going with our gut for a little while.
Starting point is 01:11:01 I felt like the last couple of weeks, you know, it's just been all over the place. Yeah. And it's not consistent. I feel like the number generator at least is a little bit more consistent. You're right. I've been feeling that too. Coming in here, like it's just, you never know how many you're going to be doing.
Starting point is 01:11:13 I mean, there was one week. It kind of throws me off. There was one week where we did 2,000, wasn't there? That sounds, I mean, that sounds true. And then one week when we did like one and I was like, this is, there's no consistency here. Yeah, it's all over the shop. So I like the number generator a lot more. So all right, all is, there's no consistency here. Yeah, it's all over the shop. So I like the number generator
Starting point is 01:11:25 a lot more. So all right, all right, let's hit the button. Here we go. And, hang on, it takes quite a while.
Starting point is 01:11:33 It takes quite a while to just randomly just put a number up on the screen. Well, there's a lot of numbers. There's a lot of numbers out there. I don't know,
Starting point is 01:11:39 I mean, I don't know how many numbers you know about. Is it done yet? No, no, it's still going. It's still going.
Starting point is 01:11:43 It's still going. Oh my God. You know what? It's kind of a little bit still going. Oh, my God. You know what? It's kind of a little bit of an inefficient way of doing things. We've got to use some of this Patreon money to get a new number generator that goes a bit quicker. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, well, just hang on one sec.
Starting point is 01:11:53 It's like 20% done already. I think the random number generator eight has just come out. Surely that's going to be an improvement over this. That's like a 4S that you're using. Yeah. Well, you know, look, don't complain. I mean, it would probably, whatever the new one comes out, it would probably halve this time.
Starting point is 01:12:08 Like, you know, by now, it would be nearly half done. What percentage are we on now? We're on 31%. 31%? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Hey, you're just lucky the random number generator
Starting point is 01:12:19 didn't have to generate the number of percentage it was done by. And there's no way of you speeding this up. I'm afraid not. No way of you getting to this any quicker whatsoever. It would be done by now if I knew how to do it. It would be done by now. So, I mean, I can just keep reading the percentages off. Please, I wish you would.
Starting point is 01:12:36 Right. What are we on now? Fuck, it's actually gone back to 29. It's gone back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How has it gone back? You know what it's like when you're downloading something and, you know, all of a sudden it goes from five
Starting point is 01:12:46 hours to three hours to six hours. My God. Maybe it just remembered about some new numbers. Maybe that was it. I'm not much of a tech buff. I don't really know. I don't read Gizmodo, so I don't know how these things work. We're not too far away. We're not too far away. We're up to
Starting point is 01:13:02 45% now. 45%? Oh my God. We're nearly halfway there% now. 45%? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. So we're nearly halfway there. So that's pretty good. Oh, my God. It's not going to go back again? I'm not fucking Bill Gates, mate.
Starting point is 01:13:14 All right? It's humming along. Man, it's fucking 48% now. It's great. 48%? That's quicker than it's been going so far. Do you think it has nearly generated half of the known numbers in the universe? Well, it doesn't need to generate all of them.
Starting point is 01:13:27 It just needs to generate one. It doesn't need to generate... What did you put in? What did you ask it to do? Pick a number. So, obviously, it's taking its time. We both have a gig to get to. There's no way of speeding it up at this point.
Starting point is 01:13:45 Okay, look. Look, to be honest, there is this button that says go faster. Why haven't you pushed that? I didn't know you were in such a rush. All I've been saying so far, what percentage is it on so far? All right, well, hang on. Hit the button. Oh, it's done.
Starting point is 01:13:58 All right, cool. Oh, it's done. Yeah, it's coming. So, hang on. It wasn't go faster. It was finish immediately. Well, it definitely is faster. It's faster than what it was. Yeah, I wasn't go faster, it was finish immediately. Well, it definitely is faster. It's faster than what it was.
Starting point is 01:14:07 I can't fault that. We took a while before, but then that went faster. All right. It didn't go slower. I feel like it took it that long to come up. This number's going to be huge. Like why, if it was working it out for that long, it's not going to be like some small number.
Starting point is 01:14:20 It's going to be massive. We're going to be here forever. Who knows? What number is it? I mean, small numbers are numbers still. So you've got a chance. You've always got a chance of a small number. Pull the sheet off and tell me what number it's come up with.
Starting point is 01:14:30 Hang on, what sheet? Off me or off the generator? Off the machine. Oh, okay. Because you've covered it up so I can't see it. So it's a surprise. It's one of those old school machines where you have to have a sheet over it. It's like the first computer.
Starting point is 01:14:41 It takes up the whole room that we're currently in. No, no, no. It's like a bird in a cage when you wanted to go to sleep. It's got a sheet over it. It's like the first computer. It takes up the whole room that we're currently in. It's like a bird in a cage when you wanted to go to sleep. It's got a sheet over it. Or a racist person in America. Alright, I've pulled the sheet off. It says, if I am pronouncing this correctly, it says five. Okay.
Starting point is 01:14:55 Yeah, cool. I mean, look, this took ages, but I have to say worth it because there's no way that I ever would have come up with that as a number. And I dare say you're in the same boat. That's a very, you know, you've got to hand it to the computers. They come up with some crazy ideas. You do.
Starting point is 01:15:10 You've got to hand it to the computers. All right. Let's do five. Let's go. Well, let's figure out which one we should read first. Should I put it in the random name generator? Should I do? So do we have time for that?
Starting point is 01:15:22 I have a question. Yes. May I ask this question? Go for it. Does the random name generator take as long as the random number generator or is it in some way quicker? It is made by the same people, so I can't say – I don't have a definitive answer.
Starting point is 01:15:35 Because I'm not interested unless it's going to take longer, I've got to be honest. Right, right. Should I hit the go faster button straight away? Yes. All right, bang. We've got one. All right, straight away.
Starting point is 01:15:44 Great. That didn't take too long, did it? If you have a a be less fucked button i'd love to push that at some stage no there's only a be fucked a be fucked a quicker button if you want me to hit that where's that located if you want to press it uh anyway number one number one thank you to patreon subscriber jessica mccoy jessica mccoy the real Jessica McCoy, the real McCoy. Yes. We're getting the real bunts from the real McCoy. Yeah. Good on her.
Starting point is 01:16:09 Yeah. Thanks. And, you know, it's totally been worth it to go through all of that to get that name. A long wait for her to get that. Yeah. And that's the random name generator. Thank the random name generator for that, Jessica McCoy. So, wait, it made up that name or you've just put all the Patreon names into it and it just spits what out of your head? All the millions of people that subscribe. All the millions of people go in there.
Starting point is 01:16:28 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've come up with Jess McCoy. So she's obviously something about her that the machine is like because I think the machine, I have programmed it to get the better Patreon names out of there. The ones that we could do more with. I've
Starting point is 01:16:44 put those calculations in. Wow, this is just like Blade Runner. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. I haven't seen it. Spoilers. You're a replicant of a fucking idiot.
Starting point is 01:16:53 Thanks, Jessica. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Helena Dominish. Dominish. Yeah. I like that. So it's not quite – it's like you start to say Dominic and then you have a stroke at the end. Well, she hasn't diminished the amount of money that we're getting.
Starting point is 01:17:12 In fact, she has done nothing but add to it. She's done the opposite word of diminish, whatever that means, whatever that is. Now, that's the thing. This is the thing we'll hear about. This is the thing that we'll hear about. Oh, by the the way speaking of things we hear about
Starting point is 01:17:25 I made an offhanded comment that I was going to use some Patreon money to try these new gravy mashies that they have at KFC and wouldn't you know it I haven't heard
Starting point is 01:17:34 the fucking end of it on social media since so what's the answer so I did my duty I went in the other day pretty good pretty good out of ten
Starting point is 01:17:41 I'm going to give them an eight they're not as fucked as you'd think they'd be because whether this is good or bad will depend on your personal taste but there's barely any gravy in the center right it's a classic case of the billboards make it look like you know you take a bite and then gravy is just gonna fucking come oozing out yeah there's barely any it's more just kind of like the flavor of gravy is kind of, you know, imbued within the mashed potato in there. Right. So is it actually liquid?
Starting point is 01:18:08 You know, it doesn't squeeze out at all. Yeah, that's what I was worried about, that I was going to be sitting on the – because I did it in the best way possible. I got them and then I ate them on public transport. Right. Just to go for the full experience. That's a great test. Five in the afternoon, a bit peckish, didn't want to ruin dinner,
Starting point is 01:18:24 just wanted a little snack. Eight out of ten. Got a small thing of them. I think it was like $2.95 or something. It's good stuff. I reckon they've got as good an ad on this episode as the old fucking Dollar Shave Club have got. I hope KFC have given us some coins.
Starting point is 01:18:35 Potentially better because I haven't called into question any part of their business model. It's the old mashy club. But, yeah, I just needed to put that to bed because I have not heard the end of it since bringing it up. Right. Well, that's dedicated to Helena. Helena Diminish.
Starting point is 01:18:50 You have diminished Tommy's appetite. Yes. By filling him full of little mashies. And expanded my little waistline. A little tum-tum. Thanks, Helena. Thanks, Helena. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.
Starting point is 01:19:00 I've seen this name around. Thank you to Mick Newman. Mick Newman Mick Newman Yeah Which is a bit like Sounds a little bit like The Scottish enemy of Jerry Seinfeld Oh Newman
Starting point is 01:19:13 Ah Mick Newman Sounds identical Mick Newman Get it? Mick Newman Oh nice I get it Yeah
Starting point is 01:19:20 It's the same surname as Long running Occasional Live tech of the show Marcus Newman Yeah Mick Newman's the same surname as a long-running occasional live tech of the show, Marcus Newman. Yeah, as in Mick Newman's done it again. Numo's done it again. Yeah. But his name is spelt more akin to Alfred E. Newman.
Starting point is 01:19:34 Oh, interesting. Yeah. Wow. I don't think I've even seen one of them in the wild, like a Newman spelt like that. I think that's how you spell it, isn't it? Because he spells it N-E-U-M-A-N-N. I think that's how Alfred E. Newman is spelled. How Alfred he spells it N-E-U-M-A-N-N. I think that's how Alfred Newman spells it. I might be wrong.
Starting point is 01:19:48 Yeah, maybe you are. Actually, this is the thing that's going to come up. I'm going to Google it. Hang on, Alfred. Mick Newman. I believe, now, you know there's these subscribers that you see the name of and you go, I know this from somewhere. I reckon this guy's been to live shows. I'm pretty sure I recognise
Starting point is 01:20:04 this guy. You'll be happy to know you're right. It's N-E-U-M-A-N. So I guess this guy's looking at us with that cheeky grin and going, what? Me subscribe on Patreon? Thanks, McNewman. Thanks, McNewman. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Katie
Starting point is 01:20:19 Jenkins. Katie Jenkins? Katie, not Catherine, not Kate. Katie. Katie Jenkins. Jenkins is one of, not Kate. Katie. Katie Jenkins. Jenkins is one of the, like, kind of, you know, like, it's kind of like a default go-to filler name. Do you know what I mean? Is it? It feels like any time there's, like, a sketch set in an office, it's always
Starting point is 01:20:36 someone going, Jenkins, get me this. You know what I mean? It's such a, like, a filler. It's like how we we've talked on the show before about how stand-ups always love to go, when they do an act out, it's like, oh, Barry, what are you doing over there? It's like, when have you ever met anyone called Barry? Yeah, that's an Australian comedy thing. Australian comedy thing.
Starting point is 01:20:51 Well, I think Jenkins is kind of like the American office worker equivalent. To me, Jenkins is someone I played soccer with once and thought he was a real arsehole. So I can't help but see that and go, eh. It's a shame, isn't it, when that stuff, that stuff's always going to affect you you can't. That name's been ruined for me. Does this do anything to alleviate that?
Starting point is 01:21:09 This person giving you money? I guess it does and to put Katie at the start of it I'm pretty sure this wasn't the same person that I played soccer with. Hopefully, yeah. I'm pretty sure Katie's not that person. So I think maybe she's fixed it for me. Cool.
Starting point is 01:21:25 I've been healing and she's really built a bridge and maybe get over my fear of the surname Jenkins. Well, good on you. Same surname as Barry Jenkins, the director of Moonlight, a fantastic film. Really? Yeah. Is there people called Barry in America? Yeah, Barry Jenkins. Wow. Oh yeah, I heard
Starting point is 01:21:42 about that three seconds ago. Thanks, Katie. You acted like you hadn't heard it. Thanks, Katie. Thanks, Barry Jenkins. Wow. Oh, yeah, I heard about that three seconds ago. Thanks, Katie. You acted like you hadn't heard it. Thanks, Katie. Thanks, Katie Jenkins. Jenkins would be a good name for a cat. Jenkins? Yeah, it's not bad.
Starting point is 01:21:53 Jenkins. Yeah. You should change your cat's name to Jenkins. I got a cat name. I know. That's why I said you should change your cat's name. Oh, that's what that meant. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:22:02 Boy, the chemistry is just electric this afternoon, isn't it? It's been waking me up all night, the cat. Really? I don't want to be one of those cat people. And there's a few of them in the podcast world. So I'm not going to be one of those people. Have we said this on the show yet that there may have to be a new mandate of no recording at your house anymore because I'm allergic to your cat.
Starting point is 01:22:21 Right. We did something around there the other day and I had to go outside for a bit. Oh, right. Yeah. Well. It's me to your cat. Right. We did something around there the other day and I had to go outside for a bit. Oh, right, yeah. Well. It's me or the cat. Well, no, it's a lovely cat. It's beautiful. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 01:22:36 I'm not doing this on purpose. Her name is Crunchy and she's a good-looking cat. She's a good-looking cat? Yeah, I think so. Really? Yeah. Do you think she's hot? I think cat hot, yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:47 You know what? I won't say I think the cat's hot, but I will say this. Yes. I think the cat thinks that I'm hot. Really? Yes. And what are you basing that on? Because...
Starting point is 01:22:58 You found some little drawings that it had done? I saw a cat jacking off to me. No. Flicking its little cat bean. The cat. Every time I have a shower, it comes in and watches. Oh, yes. It watches me in the shower every single time.
Starting point is 01:23:12 And can you trace its eye line? Like if this was a cartoon, would you see like a little dashed line heading straight towards the penis? I have said a few times, crunchy, my eyes are up here. That's great. That's great. That's great. So anyway. And so.
Starting point is 01:23:27 Literally a peeping Tom. So, and forgive me for, you know, bringing up this imagery. Yeah. But it's not, is your girlfriend, is your wife receiving the same treatment? Is it going to have a quick peek at her? I will have to ask. Right. We need to get to the bottom of this.
Starting point is 01:23:43 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Crunchy's getting to the bottom of it whenever I turn around in the shower. Oh, nice. Yeah. That sweet little hiney. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:50 Oh, interesting. Okay, interesting. Yeah, so a little peeping Tom, a little fucking pervert cat. Well, that's, I mean, that's what the sample test is. If it hasn't been going to check out your wife, then we know for sure. I mean, then, but then if it has,
Starting point is 01:24:05 maybe this is some kind of bisexual cat you got on your hands. You know? Yeah. Well, that'll be an easy question when I go home tonight. Maybe the cat wants to cuck you. Go home tonight. Honey, I'm home. Has the cat ever had a fucking good look at your arsehole?
Starting point is 01:24:20 It's cute. It's cute how you announce yourself with the traditional 15 sitcom standard of honey, I'm home. So you walk in, you take your little hat off, you put it straight on the hat rack, briefcase goes down. Take the handkerchief out of my top pocket and then say, hey, has the cat ever looked at your fucking arsehole in the shower?
Starting point is 01:24:38 Just like he's Lucy or Bewitched. Well, thanks Top Cat or whoever this was that wrote in that led to this. Yeah. Jenkins. Jenkins. Katie Jenkins. Katie Jenkins the cat. Thanks, Katie.
Starting point is 01:24:51 Now, one more. One more as dictated by the random name generator. Okay. Yep. Right. We can do this one. Yep. Oh, I can see the connection.
Starting point is 01:25:02 Right. This is sort of slightly connected, if you can believe this, to some previous subscribers that we've had. I believe they may be related in some way. Like I said before, McNewman, I recognise the name. I recognise the surname here as well. I've got a bad memory. I might not remember this.
Starting point is 01:25:20 I'm not sure where from. Maybe from a live show. Maybe I got chatting to them after a live show. Maybe they've texted me or something. You know, I mean, you have a lot of ways of communicating with the listeners. So one of those ones. Maybe is the last name like Aragonese and you remember them from reading Mad Magazine? No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:25:36 This is not a Mad Magazine artist or writer, I believe. Oh, okay. Right. I'd be surprised. You know, look, we'll get letters about this as well, but... Because we don't read it anymore, so who knows? Maybe they're a current contributor. Right, thank you to Patreon subscriber Pope Comedy the Second.
Starting point is 01:25:54 Pope Comedy the Second. So, well, I mean, you've heard of, like, other popes. Yeah. So that's the bit that's familiar? The pope bit? The second. I've just heard that number before. Oh, number two.
Starting point is 01:26:05 Like you've seen like… I saw it on the random number generator before when it was like whizzing along. I saw number two. And I… That's probably it. I remember it from when I saw Gremlins 2. Right. That's the one time I've ever seen…
Starting point is 01:26:15 The number Gremlins 2. Same number. Coincidence? Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. And Pope Comedy the second. And of course that is…
Starting point is 01:26:23 That's not from the Vatican. That's not from Italy. That is from – I'm just going through my research. That is connected to King Comedy. King Comedy from the country of the small island in the West Indies of Comedia. Of Comedia, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I believe he's the Pope of that country. Ah, okay, right.
Starting point is 01:26:42 Yeah, yeah, of that island. Pope Comedy. Does he ever go on like like, a comedy roadshow and they just, like, they take the Popemobile out there just so that, you know, no one can take him out while he's doing these regional gigs? Well, I don't know how often he travels because what I'm reading here is it's like Vatican City.
Starting point is 01:26:59 He's got his own little city on Comedy called Comedy City. Uh-huh, right, okay. So he pretty much lives in there and so i'm not boy whoever named that city did not spend too long on the name whatsoever really phone that one in the town planners should be ashamed of themselves at the disgraceful lack of effort that's gone into that obviously not using the random name generator like i like i use you get a lot of creativity within that they're not using much at all by the sounds of it. Yeah, they certainly are. They sound like a real cunt.
Starting point is 01:27:32 Well, this is pretty amazing. I wonder if, yeah, no, this is cool having a pope, any kind of pope. It's nice to, you know, someone that far into religion is, you know, giving back. Because you hear a lot of people complaining and all the money goes to them and they're giving back to their favourite podcast. Look, I certainly hope there's no sort of like, you know, this pope isn't involved in any kind of, you know, untoward cover-ups like many other, you know, like another certain clergy around the world, you know?
Starting point is 01:28:01 You know? That's been in the news a bit lately. Well, look, you know, you've spent a long time bashing our new sponsors. Now you're going to bash it. Look, I'm willing to overlook whatever Pope Comedy II has done. Really? Yes. You're on record as saying whatever he's done,
Starting point is 01:28:16 you're fine with. I am calling this hush money. Okay, right, right. Even if this guy keeps correspondence up and says all the rotten things he's done, I'm willing to overlook it. Wow, this goes all the way to slightly above the bottom. Thanks, Pope Comedy. Thanks, Pope Comedy. The second, of course.
Starting point is 01:28:32 Sorry, I didn't mean your dad. I don't know what your dad's up to. Pope Comedy the second. Well, if you've committed any heinous atrocities for decades and decades and covered them up, hey, we'll gladly accept your hush money through Patreon. If you want a rug to sweep them under, we've got it. If you need to launder some money, get onto our Patreon,
Starting point is 01:28:49 patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can find that. And thank you once again, as always, to everyone that contributes. Whatever amount it is, we really appreciate it and it helps keep the show running. And it's just great that people like the show enough to want to submit some of their earnings to it. Exactly, exactly
Starting point is 01:29:10 thank you very much for keeping it afloat in here, we really appreciate the fact that you would like to put that in and that you enjoy the bonus stuff that we send out to you as well it's always nice to hear feedback because we spend too long doing them so if you like the magazine if you like the bonus potty,
Starting point is 01:29:27 always hit us up on the socials or send us an email or whatever because we love to hear feedback. Yes. Except if it's negative, of which I personally get very angry. I don't know how you feel. Yeah, no, I've had it. I've had it. And I think it's been a lot better lately.
Starting point is 01:29:40 Yeah. Since we started calling this behaviour out, I think it's gotten a lot better. But thank you for listening, thank you for supporting the show, come see us at a live show come buy a t-shirt, littledumbdumbclub.com thanks for listening and we'll see you next week see ya mates
Starting point is 01:29:53 this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates I mean if you want, it's up to you

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