The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 369 - Live! Lawrence Mooney & Fiona O'Loughlin

Episode Date: October 31, 2017

This is it: your favourite ever pairing, LAWRENCE MOONEY and FIONA O'LOUGHLIN live at The Croxton in front of 550 people, getting absolutely brieutal. We hear about Mooney's political ambitions, Fiona celebrating a marriage, play our own version of a beloved classic game PLUS cameos from OLIVER CLARK and SENATOR SAM DASTYARI. Try and spot the edit points! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:PERTH: We're heading over for our annual huge Dum Dum event. SUNDAY NOVEMBER 19. Tickets here.CANBERRA: We're doing it again. A huge live show in your city. SATURDAY NOVEMBER 25. Tickets here.MARYBOROUGH: Is this the worst idea ever? Let's find out! We're doing a live show in Karl's hometown. Tickets here.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live with Lawrence Mooney and Fiona O'Loughlin. This was a huge live show that we did at the Croxton Park Hotel. About 550 people packed into this huge rock venue to see this gig. It was a lot of fun, so you're going to hear that in just a second. But first of all, we've got to let you know about a couple of things that are coming up. Perth, it's getting pretty close to us doing our big live dum-dum extravaganza for you guys. Sunday, November the 19th at Rosie O'Grady's. Heaps of special guests locked in. It's going to be heaps of fun.

Stand-up plus a big live podcast. Exactly. In Northbridge, party central of Perth. It is. Book my flights, book my accommodation. Looking forward to getting over there, Tommy. Very much. Me too.

Then we've got the next weekend, Saturday, November the 25th, Canberra. We're doing it again. We're doing the big old drive up the… Road trip. Spring break. I'm finally going to lose my virginity. What are we… What's the free…

What's the highway that you go up there to take that one? Hershey? The Hershey Highway. Isn't it? So we have anal and then one of us pulls out and then we're in Canberra? I don't like the Canberra bit, but the rest of it sounds fine. Hey, if getting to Canberra means having to pull out, then guess what? I'm never getting to Canberra.

So what's the date again of Canberra? Saturday, November the 25th. That is going to be heaps of fun. Great special guests locked in for that one. Canberra, you came out in full force last year, so we'd love to see you all again this year. Again, big live show, stand-up plus a podcast.

And again, not in Captain Cook's cottage. Yes, yes, he's done it again. So that is going to be all great. littledumbdumbclub.com for all that stuff, as well as a couple of things that we announce at the end of this live episode, which you will hear soon. Yeah, some of it you may know,

and some of it you may not know. So hang around at the end of the episode, because we actually announce it live on the actual record at the Croxton Hotel, in front of the crowd. And so listen to that bit. And then we do, of course, the Patreon read, because if you love this show and you want to support it,

you chip in to our Patreon fund every month month and in return we give you rewards like we give you a magazine and we read your name out and we give you a bonus podcast so stick around at the end and you can hear this week's names yeah until then enjoy this live episode with lawrence mooney and fiona O'Loughlin. Hey, mates! Welcome to the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo and standing next to me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'dayay dickheads.

This is it, our live episode, Moon vs June, live from the Croxton Park Hotel in front of a sold out room. Didn't verify that, but it sure sounds that way. Yeah. People stop buying tickets, so that's sold out, isn't it? Great to be here in Adelaide. Thanks for coming out. All six of you. Real good. Yeah. We're all what's the time now? It's like

9.30. Last flight for Samui is like 11.30. What do you think? Well, the last flight to Samui's already gone. Very good. Hey, we got here into the venue flight to Samui's already gone. Very good. Hey, we got here into the venue early to set up and everything

and there was still a leftover from the last thing that they had had in this venue. There was a printed out sign, blue tacked to the door, that said Paul's Wake in here. Oh! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Very good. I'd like to think they were slightly funnier than us.

And in fitting tribute to one of our guests who's coming on later on, I nearly shit my pants just before we came out here, so that was good. Also, so what? Yeah, shit your pants. Finally a role model I can look up to. Just before we started I went out there and I've got a few No big deal, I've got a few friends here

No biggie And I went out there and the guy That I suspected as being the guy If you've heard the episode at my wedding Again, no big deal But the guy that went up to The airline boss And went, I'll suck your dick if I can get a free flight and upgrade to first class.

My friend who's here that I highly suspected was him. I went up to him and went, was that you? And he said, yes, but that was out of context. So I'm looking forward to hearing the context of when it is appropriate to go up to someone and say, I will suck your dick for a first-class seat. So what we know is, guys, if you've got something to offer up, dick sucks are available in this gig, so...

Yeah, yeah. If you want a beer after the gig, I will point the young gentleman out for you, so... Well, he's a mate of yours from growing up, so he's not young. He's from Maribor as well So there's a lot of heart attacks happening there Shall I say this I told a story a couple of weeks ago About being in Ballarat

Being in a share house And all that sort of stuff In the same share house I was thinking of this story Whether I should tell this Maybe it's good for a live episode Same share house, I was thinking of this story, whether I should tell this, maybe it's good for a live episode. Same share house that I had the tank, the flotation tank. The sensory deprivation tank across the street, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, so if you've heard that episode, so this is the same house that

happened in Ballarat, right? One of the best things I've ever heard, so good. Well, I reckon you might dig this. All right, man, sounds groovy. Yeah. To use the lingo from when you were 23. Woodstock was in Ballarat, yeah? A few woodstocks being consumed, that's for sure.

Well, in this fucking joint. Oh, boo. Yeah. These guys are happy. No brands on the show, mate, without being sponsored by them. So that same house, right? This is what happened. It was like five bedrooms, so it was pretty transient. There was always a lot sponsored by them. So that same house, right, this is what happened. It was like five bedrooms, so it was pretty transient.

There was always a lot of people moving in and out of it, right? So this guy hit us up and he wanted to move in with a spare room and he was a fireman. And we went, okay, cool, because he was the only person who applied to be in the shithole house we lived in, right? So he moves in, right? He moves in and when he's moving in, there's like a lot of moving and stuff.

And I was like, oh, fuck, I don't want to be around this sort of stuff so i went down i went down and like got lunch or whatever hang on someone just bringing boxes in you're like fuck this i can't even look at it this is it's fucking horrific no i'm not into that so he he wants to move in right he does all the moving in and i go for a walk and I come back within the hour, and when I come back inside the hour, I walk in on him jacking his dick to a porno in the lounge room.

He moves in, and within one hour, he's masturbating in the lounge room. It's bold. It's a great power play. It's really... He was marking his territory. Yeah. This is inside the first day of being in there that he's doing this.

Inside the first hour. Fantastic. But not only that, so it raises more questions, which is, you know... When's the story get weird? So he does that, right? But not only that, this is like 18 years ago, right? So it wasn't like he was jerking off in front of a computer with a porno he'd downloaded or anything.

It was a rental. Great. Great. Inside the first hour, he's found a video shop. Yep. Signed up for a membership. Yeah. And back in the day, it took ages.

Yeah. They had to verify your fucking driver's licence. Yeah. They had to take a photocopy of it. Yeah. Yeah, then he joined up, then found a porno, paid his six bucks for a weekly, came home, got in the beanbag,

jerking off, I walk in, boom. He comes immediately. Porno is boring as soon as a 21-year-old Chando walks in. That is the money shot. So then what do you do? Continue living with him for two years. I was trying to say, what do you then do apart from going, hmm, lunchtime?

He eats cum, get it? Imagine that. That's chasing a cheap laugh and I don't respect that. If any of you eats my cum I'll give you a fucking business class flight. I'm prepared to do that. There's a big crowd here and you were chasing an easy laugh.

We've got another 58 minutes of this podcast. Do not lower yourself to eating cum jokes this early please. Fucking hell. Instead I'll have a visual joke. Yeah what is What have you got Oh well I decided I bought this in an op shop

Like years ago And literally Like just randomly I bought it Because I thought it was funny But now It is actually appropriate And I've got this t-shirt

That says Pray for me My wife is Italian Fuck And now She actually is Italian. This is... Oh, people might be able to track her down now that you've said that.

Yeah, looking up the Italian phone book. I was with you when you bought this and you told me recently that she'd made you throw it out. I know, and I found it yesterday. When I was looking for lunch in the bin. No, in someone's dick. According to you.

Oh man. Fuck, it's so good. So does she know that you found it? No. So she told you to throw it out and you just did a little, you were like you hid it and you were like, I'll be back, don't worry. I hoarded it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I honestly thought it was chucked out and now it's back. So when she finds out I've worn this she's going to be fucking mad

especially when she also finds out I forgot to put my wedding ring on so it's a sweet double but it's like you having that ring not on typically that's a married man trying to fuck is it?

so women don't think I'm married I'll be able to pick up if they don't think I'm married. I went to the gym this morning and it scratches the metal when you are lifting weights. Thank you. No, but my point is she can't get mad at you. Obviously. She can't get mad at you because there's photographic evidence of you wearing a T-shirt that says, I have a wife.

Oh, this is like the new wedding ring. The placement ring. Right. So I don't have to wear a ring as long as I wear this T-shirt every day. Yeah. I wish you'd done that at the wedding. Like, you put the ring on her finger and then you just take your tux off and she puts the T-shirt over you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we all get down on our hands and knees and we pray for you because your wife is Italian. And as we all know, as the shirt has clearly illustrated, they're fucked. It's not me being racist. it's the T-shirt. It's a T-shirt. Yeah, I'm not sure it says fucked on there, but anyway. But what's that meant to me?

Pray for me, my wife is Italian. Yeah, I don't know. I just thought it was funny. And I think I've proved it. Anyway, no big deal. I got married. So should we start... Should we get some guests in?

I would have thought we should maybe tread water for another 45, but... All right, all right. That's fair. Let's do that. So, um... Have you been in any cafes lately? I was in a cafe and I saw an item on the menu. Have you been in any cafes lately? I was in a cafe and I saw an item on the menu. Someone just got up from the front row and went to the bar.

I know we're only here for another hour or so, but can someone make a cocktail called a duck sandwich over there really quickly? This looks fun. I mean, that should be really easy. All we need to do is get alcohol and find a duck um oh you've here yeah as well i like this acoustic style we're sitting yeah yeah we're sitting with let's let's do this on yeah this is like a jack johnson gig all of a sudden terrible all of a sudden. Terrible. Yeah, heaps better 10 years ago.

Now, shit. I had friends in high school that were genuinely obsessed with Jack Johnson and they went to one of his gigs when he played the City of My Music Bowl and my friend the next day, I was saying to him, oh, how was the gig? And he very unironically,

completely seriously goes, man, it was so good at one point, I was swaying so hard. Fucking great. He gave a swaying ovation. Yeah. And I'm going, this guy's a fucking loser. Better put my headphones on and listen to Jamiroquai.

Some fans. Nice. Yeah. All right, all right. Well, look, this is sort of a special moment for us Because, you know, man, thanks so much for coming This is officially the biggest gig we've ever done This is fucking huge

Thanks so much Uh oh For people at home For people Now, I know it'll be quite confusing for people at home to figure out what just happened. But Serbian gunrunner Milan Krjavica has just given us a shot on stage. Now, this is awesome because it's a big gig tonight, right?

And, you know, like, you know, big gigs, you'll have, like, celebrities backstage or whatever. It was awesome just before I looked backstage. And it's like Sam Dastyari's here with Milan. So it's like some sort of offset scheme. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone very legal cancels out someone very illegal. Hey, we're in this big rock club.

Do you want to do these shots Bon Jovi style, like back to back? Oh, okay. Let's go. Let's do it. Should we do them like love seat style? What? You know, when you cross arms, you can do them love seat. Love seat?

I don't know how it is. All right, let's do it back to back. All right, let's do them Bon Jovi style on here. All right, here's do it Bon Jovi style on here. All right, here we go. Fuck. Hang on, we're halfway there. Whoa! We're halfway there.

Whoa! I'm running out of here. Whoa! Oh, music parody, that's where we are now Hey, speaking of Speaking of your wedding You roasted the top 12 tightest people Who didn't get you gifts recently Yes

How is the sex swing that I got you and your wife going? Untouched No, thank you, You did give a gift. I did. You were one of the rare... As some comedians say, the rarest of Pokemons. That's... Well, let me say this out of my human mouth hole.

Who, when they listened to that list, was absolutely bamboozled to find that I wasn't included on it? Because that felt like everyone listening would have been going, oh, he's made the top three. list was absolutely bamboozled to find that I wasn't included on it because that felt like everyone listening would have been going oh he's made the top three. Fuck he's going to be number one. Yeah. Look I was surprised too. It was appreciated. Thank you very

much. You're welcome. Yeah but um Thank you. Fuck you. Someone said thank you mum. You look like you live with your mum You fucking idiot I'm ready

Get me in there coach I'm ready To be fair There's a lot of people That look like that here tonight How's Dollar Shave Club going? We'll sponsor podcasts An audience 90% of which

Have big thick beards That they're never going to fucking shave. Oh, no, you know what? I think they heard that we have a lot of listeners that are thinking about putting a razor to their neck. Subscriptions start at $5 a month. Fucking hell, it could be $100. You're not going to go beyond that first month.

What do you care? Fuck, by the way, I've heard from a lot of people that people are bringing, like, plus ones. Like, there from a lot of people that people are bringing like plus ones. Like there's a lot of people here that have never listened to the podcast, which good luck with that. But it was highlighted. I kept hearing that over and over and over. So I figured like 50% of the room hasn't

heard this podcast. I went to get a drink in the front bar at half time. We had stand up. For people at home, we had stand up in the first bit. We had a little break. I went to get a beer in the front bar and someone walked past me and went, oh, were you one of the compairs of that thing up there? I reckon you're a plus one. Yeah, it is.

You say it's like this is like you're saying a joke about suicide and then you're just hearing immediately all this chatter in the room because that's people leaning to the person next to them and going, so this is this running thing they have where one of the worst things that survivors can ever go through is like, it's funny to them. So just put that all aside.

Hey, hey, hey, suicide? Get it? Is suicide like a reference to something? No, no, literally just the thing where you kill yourself. Just you say it and we laugh. Cool. These guys get it. Yeah.

So we were a little bit nervous because, you know, as you guys know, a lot of you guys come to every live show in Melbourne. Thank you very much. A lot of people flew down from here. Awesome. All right, shut up. And usually we just do the podcast And we don't tell anyone who the guests are

And you guys come and that's awesome And this is like one of the very first shows Where we've actually said This is who's going to be on So we get a bit nervous Because what if someone's been delayed What if they're sick And everyone's bought all these tickets

Thinking that these guys are going to be on So we got very nervous So we thought we'd put a bit of insurance in place And we'd get understudies. Yeah. And the hope was that you guys wouldn't even notice. Yeah, yeah. The transition would be seamless.

And they're here already, you know, so we might as well get them out for one second. Yeah, let's get our understudies for Lawrence Mooney and Fiona O'Loughlin, everyone. Welcome them to the stage. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! Hello I'm Lawrence Mooney I love doing shit impressions of the Prime Minister

Hello, I'm Tony Abbott I also enjoy harassing women online Yeah My best mate's Sam Desiari it. I also enjoy harassing women online. Yeah. My best mate's Sam Desiari and I enjoy watching him fuck. Woo! And by watching him fuck, obviously I mean getting pegged. He's a fucking cuck. Look at that

guy. Hey? Hey, good on ya. Welcome to Australia. Alright, that'll do, I reckon. Hi, I'm Fiona O'Loughlin. Nick Capper has a lot of respect for me. Nick Capper needs gigs. Alright, thanks guys. Let's get them off.

Get these two in here. Oh my god. Wow. All right. Okay. Okay. I would describe what happens for people at home, but I think you're better off not knowing.

Fiona was just wearing a very short skirt, and I've got to say, those flaps look amazing tonight. That is so good. That's what happens when you give someone licence to sort of do whatever they want. Yeah, we probably should have written that. Panned out pretty well, I thought. Well, now I have, apparently, Fiona or Lawrence's phone.

So, um... Ah, fuck it. Alright, so... Sorry, Lawrence. Alright, so we planned this introduction. This is it. You guys know who the guests are. And we thought, let's give them a fucking big rev up and we did a bit of you know

social media we've made it like a boxing style poster yeah you know even though it's not a fight or anything it's just you know it was a funny way of marketing it but we thought we'd follow through we do it like a proper sort of like you know boxing introduction so if we can maybe do that that would be a lot of fun so We wanted to have a microphone kind of lowered We wanted to have a microphone kind of lowered from the ceiling we found out that was impossible so we've just sort of got to do the next best thing. Ladies and gentlemen

Coming in at 17 standard drinks Someone who has somehow outdrank everyone she lived with in the Northern Territory She was successful in her last fight Which was five minutes ago when she was fighting the temptation to drink the backstage rider. The woman who put the alcoholic in. What a fucking alcoholic. Also, the woman who put alcohol in her stomach. You may have seen her out front flicking a bean

over the Thirsty Camel's Bottle Shop logo. It's fighting Fiona O'Rourke! And ladies and gentlemen, Fiona faces off a man who is possibly already off his face. A man who's currently backstage learning his lines or possibly snorting them. He's unbeaten in his last fight against a 22 year old girl on twitter a man who has had more drugs than the Craigieburn chemist's warehouse this is the soberest you're going to find him all night

please welcome the Valium Stallion Lawrence Mooney Alright you two Let's have a fair clean fight okay Okay I'll punch her in the ring. Start the chainsaw. Yeah.

This is insane. You are. What have we started? Yeah, yeah. There's a lot. There's a lot of people here, I think, to see blood, maybe. Thanks for doing it. Because you've just flown in from Sydney as well, where your manager rang me

up and went, oh, Fiona's arriving at 8.05 tomorrow for the gig. Is that alright? I'm like, that's five minutes after our gig starts, but yeah, cool. Oliver Clark did the voiceover for that intro, by the way. Give it up for Oliver Clark. Yeah, great.

That was terrific. So, Fiona, you just flew in and, boy, is your liver tired. Fantastic. Thank you. What's that? Nothing. Thanks for doing this, guys, because you guys are the most popular pairing on this show that we've ever had.

People really relate to all the things we've talked about, a lot of fucked up stuff, which, you know, this is a bit of a risk going, well, you guys are known for talking about very dark subjects and then we've got 550 people in here and going, should we talk about suicide for an hour or not? Maybe not, I don't know. 13, 11, 14.

Is that the number for your new radio job? Give us a call. Are you about to top yourself? It's quite confronting, you know, seeing this many people because I was just thinking, have I told all of you all those things, really? Well, this is number five for us, isn't it?

We have had four previous outings. We did... They've all been quite dark, really, but the first one was when you were going to top yourself at the Hectagon, the Vampires' House. The June Northern episode. The June Northern episode. Then we went from that into politics we did at your place,

then sex we did at the Portland, then we did one at... Religion. Religion. We tried to do one religion I thought that was religion that one and then we did one at your new place because you keep moving because your haters always fuck I just froze through this winter. I mean, yeah. Why would you turn it on? No, just don't turn it on. The god of heating, Vulcan,

certainly has got it in for you. Very good. Speaking of that... This is number five. This is number five. Well, hey, it's crazy that we've done this many, and speaking of that first one that we did, someone wrote in and said to us, like, you know,

so the story was, Fiona, when you checked into a hotel and you were planning to kill yourself in there, you used the pseudonym June Northern. And it's crazy that, like, we've never come up with, like, what the other three of us, like, what our pseudonyms would be for doing that. Moon, what would yours be if you had to check into the Hotel California of Death? What a wordsmith. would be for doing that. Moon, what would yours be if you had to check into the Hotel

California of Death? What a wordsmith. Well, okay. Immediately, I think I'd check in as... Jim Northern. As Jim. I like me name Jim Northern.

You got any identification? I don't have to identify myself to get on a plane. I don't have to identify myself to fucking neck myself in Route 202 of your concert. Are you Daniel Kitson? Yes. No. I maybe would go for Sal Paradise.

On the road reference? On the the road reference but that's too cool so if I was at a point where I was going to end it all because I was so sad my mum's here um oh god I'd probably

check in as loser McFuckface. The saddest guy in the world. What did you do, Tommy? I was thinking about this before. August Trethowen. August what? August Trethowen. Trethowen.

Is that your actual name? The month I was born in and the surname of a girl I fingered in high school. And just think about that while I check out in the bathtub. Just veins open. Is that like the new... Veins open in the bathtub. You can't describe... Is that the new porn name generator? Yes.

Instead of the pet, the childhood pet and the street you grew up in? Month you were born in, surname of the first girl that you entered digitally. Right. Wow, you were really ahead of the whole tech game, weren't you? And what's the first one? Pardon? What was the first one? The month.

The first you were born in. Yeah, August. That's the bit you had to get clarification on. Super moist. Oh, you were asking about the first name. August. That's the bit you had to get clarification on. Super moist. Oh, you were asking about the first name. Sorry. Hang on, what's yours, Fiona? I was just thinking my grandfather would be September Fiona.

And what month were you born in? Like I know his birthday. No. No. What month were you born in? July. Because you'd be July Fiona. Fiona. Or it'd be hyphenated July Fiona Fiona. What's yours?

Or it'll be hyphenated, July Fiona Fiona. For the audience at home, you stuck up two fingers. The audience at home. People complain. People complain if there's visual jokes and we don't explain them. People complain about things. What about my family? What do you think I get from them? Jesus.

People complain. I reckon when you come up on the dum-dum potty, they just go, nah. I reckon when... Especially on Gramps. He's like, I don't need to listen to that shit. Did he see you as the only one that was fingered by me?

Ring-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding we have to pay copyright for that tune you just just be careful on the quiet so she didn't sky write about listening to us? No, it's just not that she's not a fan. She just finds these things that I do. There's a lot of people here that are not fans. I listen to them and then I get in trouble in the heat of an argument. So they listen? Your family's actually listened to us? I don't like what you said about me on that podcast.

Oh, I thought you were going to say it was like, you're a bitch. Yeah, well, you're friends with Tommy Daslow and Carl Chandler. Sort out your life, Fiona. What a horrible thing to say. This is a new low. So is it the surname or the Christian name of the person that you fingered? The surname.

What was the surname again? I don't want to say it another time. Criminal matinated myself. August Trefowne. What would yours... Trefowne. Well, I was going to say mine would be Wes Gate. I reckon that's nice.

Well, they'll never find me now. I was thinking, would it be too much to go and go Wesley Gates? Yeah, you'd need to. You'd need to. You'd need to. What do you mean I'd need to? Like, I'd walk in and say, my name is Gate, Wes Gate, and they'd go, he's going to kill himself.

Put him in jail. Yeah, because the whole point is, like, you're trying to throw people off the scent. Like, you don't want people to be able to find you. Do you honestly think that the concierge at a hotel gives a fuck? No, it's me when I come looking for my friend Carl because you haven't shown up to the podcast. And I go to a hotel in Koh Samui

and I go, I know what name he would have checked under immediately. He would have made a funny little joke because he's the king of puns. No, that's not fair. And I go around to your hotel in probably Gisborne because you're really bottoming out. And there's August Trethown here. And they say, yeah, and I go, that's going to be a mess, because he was going to open himself up.

Get a gurney. They go, yeah, he told us this weird story about the first girl he fingered when he checked in. It was way TMI. None of us asked. Trethown? Sure. Is that it TMI. None of us asked. Trethown? Sure. Is that it?

Sure. Or Treglown. Does it matter? We might know her. Yeah. Trethown. Trethown. Because I think that's a rare name.

So if it listens to the show, if you know a Trethown... Hashtag me too. the show if you know a truth Alan hashtag me too and fucking hashtag me too a couple of fucking perverts have had their way with me don't fucking

yeah but you're one of them yeah doesn't matter I don't know who I am it's not a good time for you, really, is it? No, I'm just thinking... You mean as a white, middle-class, heterosexual male? The big question is, what isn't going to be edited out at this point? It's not a good time for me.

It's not a good time to be a successful, white, middle-class male. Well, lucky for us, we're cool. Two out of three ain't bad. I would say that the... Fuck you, it's not your time. Yeah. I don't think I'm at the apotheosis of my story yet, Fiona. What does that mean?

No idea. What does apotheosis mean? Was that the surname of the girl that Daslow fingered? Apotheosis Trethowen, that's it, yeah. The defining moment, if you will. Oh, right. You haven't peaked yet. No.

Well, you just got Breakfast Radio. That's a fucking sweet gig. In Brisbane. Did you? I shouldn't say... Yeah, it's great. I mean, I just wanted to clarify that it's not here in Melbourne. Yeah, yeah.

But that's the... What? What? Did someone... But that's officially in comedy. That's generally the highest paid gig you can get. Breakfast radio. Breakfast radio is, you know, they reward you.

With money. Right. Thanks for clearing that up. As opposed to you guys. Parmesaners and free beers. Hey, those beers weren't free For people at home Milan came on the stage again Thank you Milan

With two fingers Yeah Yeah Lawrence just fingered Not fingered Do you want me to help you? Fiona you've got a can of Coke. I was meant to give the Coke to him. You did it the right way.

The Serbian gun runner tried a joke. You got the gig on Breakfast Radio? Yep. How much? It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good? It's good dosh.

Congratulations. Is everybody moving? The whole family? No, I'll be doing it from Melbourne. Oh, okay. So I've got to go into the market, as they say in radio, three days a month. So I fly up there. I've told my wife two weeks a month.

So I can move to Fortitude Valley and get a stripper. Fuck it, it's on the rider. Come on! Very nice. Because the last time, I think we've talked about this on the show before, the last time you were doing breakfast radio here in Melbourne,

that was, I think that was peak, that's what I consider peak moon. You dyed your hair blonde. Yep. You were just on it non-stop. My first marriage had failed. Is that because you wouldn't tell her what the secret sound was? No, because I kept ignoring the safe word.

Which was a game we used to play on Mix 101.1. Tell us when to stop. Yeah, so what? It was a different kind of exploding Bowser. It was like, yeah to stop. Yeah, so what? It was a different kind of exploding Bowser. It was like, yeah, stop. I don't know, fuck, I'm impro-ing. Hi, Fiona, Lawrence Mooney. So you were pretty wild back then, though.

So this is the chance, this is what we're thinking, this is a return of Breakfast Radio to you. Is it going to wake up the dormant fucking wild, wild, wilder man, Mooney? Mark 2. Yeah. Well, it's interesting that you say that. Because there's a few different things, you know, a few things are different

in that my marriage is great and I'm also... It's 13 years after that, so one would expect that there's some wisdom. Maybe not. But that's what I think about you. I think you're like the smartest guy I know

mixed with the dumbest cunt I know. Like, you're fucking very intelligent and then base level it's like, you're fucking very intelligent and then base level it's like, you're a fucking dog. Like, you're an animal. Well,

you've got a... It's like Stephen Hawking with a red rocket. Like Stephen Hawking with just a running down the street with a boner. Which he'd take.

Oh, yeah. Or rolling in his case. I take all of what you just said as a massive compliment. Yeah. Because I think you have to fucking stay loose in this life. Why wouldn't you? Yeah. You've got to keep bumping up against it.

Yeah. Or them. Or life. Or whatever it is. Don't tame yourself. Because you think there's... Fuck yeah! Fuck the man! Yeah! Drive into a Shell service station, put two cents worth of petrol

in your car and then just fuck off! Round it down, cunts! Fuck, you are getting wilder. Yeah. That's big. It's just harder to do now. Yeah.

Yeah, no, totally. So, like, when you did Breakfast Row back then, like, what's... Like, you told us a few stories. Like, you know, what was one of your worst moments? Like, do you reckon you hit rock bottom then? Like, because you had a lot of wild... Because you had a lot of money as well,

because it was Breakfast Radio back then. I was... Look, I was living on my own for the first time in my life, right? So I'd moved out of home into share houses and lived in share houses all the way through and then got in a relationship and moved into a home where, you know, we had a child and we were living as a married couple.

And then that broke up and I moved to a fucking shotgun shack down in Parkdale and I was on my own and I was like, hello, what are we going to do now, Larry? And so radio would end and I'd get pretty fucked up and that wasn't every day. Have a sleep in on Sundays. So my lowest point came, I think it was the 2004 Comedy Festival.

I was driving around in this shitty Renault Fuego and I had a really bad chest cold. I was in a relationship, a destructive relationship. She was a fine woman. We just, like, were going to kill one another. And the car had broken down and I'd become too drug fucked during the festival and I was doing breakfast radio

and I was sitting on my haunches in Glenferry Road where I'd taken the car to get serviced. That's near where I live. And I saw you and I thought is that my future? And it is. Hello 131114.

Just quickly I'd like to change my name to Renovuego for my suicide name. That's way better. That's so much better. Nice. Well, so I was just on my haunches and it all became a bit much and there was some blobby tears and then I thought,

oh, fuck, mate, you've just got to sort this out. I stood up. I was doing some big breaths in. I turned around. I caught my reflection in a shop window and my hair was blonde. And I thought, look, you're fucking lost. You are seriously lost. But it all worked out for the best.

Yeah, I mean, you're... Yeah. Mind you, the reputation that was created around those years at Mixx has... You know, you get a reputation for yourself in commercial radio, it sticks for a long time. And up until a couple of years ago, that was still how people saw me. And so I've been at Triple M doing Malcolm Turnbull

and working on Merrickville on Drive for three years. But still it was like, you know, you're doing okay, but, you know, we're keeping a bit of an eye on you. Because back then people used to chat about you. So it takes a long time to shake that reputation. So it's not something that I want to invite back in. Well, here's our reputation. We literally actually had a meeting with Triple M a couple of weeks ago.

And the first question was to us, who are you and what do you do? True story. It's kindergarten. Someone said it's kindergarten cop. I don't know what you're talking about. Now he's just doing an Arnie voice. Right, right.

Danny McGinley's turned up. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah, nice. So give us a call, 13353. Yeah, nice. Who are you and what do you do? So what were you doing around the office to earn that reputation

or was it just coming in so hungover that you couldn't function? Yeah, not turning up. And part of this business is, you know, turning up. Yeah. That's part of a lot of businesses, to be fair. I reckon most employment is based on turning up. But when you turn up, do a good job and also don't be maybe a bit of a cunt to people.

Right, right. I will not take that on board. But when you turn up, do a good job and also don't be maybe a bit of a cunt to people. Right. Right. I will not take that on board. What year was it? I remember seeing you in the Peter Cook bar during the comedy festival and you had brought your car in but then decided you ended up on a train. That was then. Sorry.

So what happened was I... OK, there's a bit of logistics involved. So I'd driven my car in, left it in that car park under the... Because you didn't want to drink that night. Didn't think I was going to drink, but... That's a thought. Under the Melbourne town square or whatever it's called, City Square, there was that beautiful car park

that's now going to be a station for the new Underground Project. So, got blind at the hi-fi bar, came out at dawn in the taxi, went back to my place, way down in Parkdale, got out, paid the cab driver, went to get in, haven't got my house keys they're in the car so I I haven't got my phone either so I can't call anyone so I go to Mordialloc station I get on a train to go back into town I fall asleep on that train that train goes into town

back out right down to Frankston I get woken up in Frankston mate you've got to get off the train it's going into you know get parked or serviced and I was like well where are we it's like you've gone into Frankston

but I went into the city it's like yeah and you've come all the way out again. I then got out of the station, got into a cab, said to the guy, I've got no money, but I'm going to go and get my car and then you're going to follow me home and then... It was a cab you did. Yeah, cab driver. And then I'm going to get... Not would you please, you I'm going to get no you're going to

I had a jagged bottle and and so he drove me into town I got my car my wallet was in the car so I went and got some cash no he took me

in your own time just over to you guys some cash. No, he took me... In your own time. Yeah. Just over to you guys. It was a very long trip. No, he took me into the city. I fixed him up. I came home. I got to bed. I'm just glad we got the logistics

right. The big question is, what kind of maniac has their house keys and their car key on a separate fucking keychain? Well, you don't want to lose everything. It sounds like you very much had. What about this? I thought I was going to get on this stage and just pour shit on Fiona

tonight. And you guys are painting me as the alcoholic. Well, you can... There's room for two. So, what about this? Fiona, we wanted to do this. We wanted to play a game of fuck, marry, kill. But, you know, I think that's like

it's too easy to get someone else's game. So let's play the exact same game but rename it and call it instead of fuck, marry, kill, 69 marry but give not a wedding present and Westgate. So

69 marry Westgate. So Fiona is one of the 12 tight arses or is it 11? What's the final number? It's not a tight arse thing, it's lazy. Yeah. That's fair. Lazy. I've picked something out.

Yeah. Sorry? I've picked something out. I just haven't. I've got to get there, pay for it. Give it to you. Boring. It's not even really lazy.

It's just not giving a shit about anyone else. You just couldn't give a fat rat's fuck about another person taking a nap on this planet. She wasn't alone. Shut the fuck up, Carl. There was a lot... Maybe it is that. I reckon it's that. Oh, shut up.

You don't know. I know. So, Fiona. 69, marry, Westgate. 69, what are you talking about? The sex position. What else is there? The sex position. Yes. is there? The sex position.

Yes. What do I have to decide? Well, it means fuck, marry, kill. 69, marry, Westgate. Do the 69er with them, yeah. With who? Well, I'm about to say the names. This is what happens.

I say three names and you allocate them. I'm not doing a 69 with anyone. You don't have to do it on stage, all right? It's all metaphorical. Okay. Someone wants to stare into your twisted arsehole. So what it means is... Finish this expression.

Beggars can't be... So we'll do this and then Mooney will get one. So 69, married without the wedding present, Westgate. Right, here's the three names that you have to allocate. Right. For you, Fiona. Danny McGinley Greg Fleet Carl Chandler

Hell yes I'm definitely 69ing with Danny McGinley Oh really? So you don't have to look at the bald spot? So his mouth fully doesn't have to do hack impressions of anyone? No! He said he was going to turn up tonight, actually, so... You're happy to go down on Danny McGill, eh?

Oh, I'm not happy to go down on anyone, Lawrence. It's a game. Apparently I have to give an answer Danny's a big fan of Yoda which I imagine is kind of what your pussy looks like so that should be cool I just hope he's not using the force No, because I just laugh with Danny

and say let's not do it and we'll go to the movies or do something else Next question No, but you have laugh with Danny and say, let's not do it and we'll go to the movies, okay? Or do something else. Next question. No, but you have to do the rest of it. Yeah, you have to pick all three. So out of the three, there's Danny, there's me, there's Fleety. Okay, so I'm not giving Fleety a wedding present.

Right. You'd marry Fleety. So that means you have to... I have to marry you. Oh, you marry me, cool. All right, good. And you kill Fleety, that means. Is that right?

Do I have to kill someone? Yes. Okay, so there's marrying, there's four now, because there's not a wedding present. There's not four, there's 69, marry without a wedding present, and there's Westgate. Marry them without a wedding present. Yes. I've made this too complicated. You don't have to kill anyone.

Let's bring it back. Let's bring it back to Fuck, Marry, Kill. Let's bring it back. The original game was so clear. Yeah. Fuck, Marry, Kill. Fuck, Marry, Kill. Fuck, Marry, Kill.

Sorry for camouflaging this game. It's the same in line-up. Right, right. So it's 69 Danny, Marry Me, Kill Fleety. Yeah. Right. Okay. Very good's 69 Danny, marry me, kill Fleety. Yeah. Right. Okay. Very good.

Thank you. Nice. We heard that you, this fucking blows our mind, that you have been invited. And this is awesome. You were invited to become a politician. What? Yes yes I agree what you didn't get invited to become a politician well you don't get invited you've been asked to join a party well I've been a member of the Labour Party and I resigned my tenure for reasons known to me in the Labour Party and

Triple M no not true they had Labor Party. And Triple M. No, it had nothing to do with Triple M. But I was a member of the Labor Party for a good long while and I've been a member of my union for 26 years continuously. And I believe in union membership and I'm probably the only, or one of few comedians who are members of the MEAA and believe in union. And I believe in the fact that I'm probably more privileged

than a lot of people who are in the arts. Why wouldn't I contribute to a union that looks after their interests? You have joined a political party. No, I haven't. I was recently in Canberra at the behest of my close friend Bill Shorten, and Sam Dastyari performing Malcolm Turnbull at the behest of my close friend Bill Shorten. Clang. And Sam Dastyari performing Malcolm Turnbull

at the National Press Club to the Labor Caucus. And I've got to say, what a perfect storm of comedy it was because not only as a political fanboy am I in front of the Labor Caucus, which includes every member of the House of Representatives and the Senate, I'm playing Malcolm Turnbull. And so to them at the National Press Club, where I've watched many addresses on the television,

and so I come out, they're nuanced in politics, so they understand everything that Malcolm's saying. They fucking hate him, so they're lapping it up. And they all hate each other, so if you hang shit on anyone in the Labor Party, they all love it as well. So it was just a ripping gig anyway later that night I was having a chat to someone and they said have you ever been interested in running and I said I have

but there's just too many skeletal exactly so they said well you know why don't you sit down with someone and have the chat and we'll ask you, you know, the questions that they do a little bit of an audit. So, you know, before that... Three days later. Three days later, they took all the electrodes off and said, yeah, there's just no chance.

The machine killed itself. It just ran out of ink It's drawn a massive cock Come on everyone And also you stuck your dick into the machine So with your Stuff like doing this podcast Say you did have

Do you feel a bit regretful That you might have Stuffed, do you feel a bit regretful that you might have you know, stuffed up opportunities like that in your future? No! It's nothing to do with podcasts. I guess, Fiona. Once upon a time. No, so they asked me, you know,

first of all, they said quite a few things, which is you know, if you join the party you leave this life and you'll probably never return to it, okay? So for six months running... The Labor Party's asking you to kill yourself. Is that confirmed? No, if you were to join the Labor Party...

Are you sure this isn't Scientology? Me and Tom and John just went on a big weekend together... On Qantas. ...and just circle just circle jerked. Tom and John, who are they? John Travolta. Oh, sorry. And Tom Cruise.

John Travolta, Tom Cruise, L. Ron Hubbard. Fuck, marry, kill. What have you got? Yeah, yeah. We got in a spaceship. Anyway, we ended up falling asleep. It went out to Frankston. And then we got in a spaceship. Anyway, we ended up falling asleep. It went out to Frankston. And then we got in a cab.

He drove us back into town. I got my wallet. I paid him. So the interesting thing was you basically went, you can't speak to the press until we tell you to speak to the press. You don't say anything that we don't tell you to say already. Don't fuck anyone until we tell you to that's right yeah and so you know you are you know you're part of the party so you comply and submit to the party and

probably not so then they asked I said so drugs and I said yeah all of them I said needles I said no that's okay, we can deal with that. Really? It got that far? Yeah. Any problem with women? I said, there'll be a few women that have problems with me, but if you're speaking about a rape, no.

And they went, okay. Nice. Nice, good boy. He didn't rape you. Clang. All right, mate, we've all got shit going on. Hashtag. So there are a lot of questions along those lines because, of course, that's exactly what you've got to...

You know, everyone's going to try and tear you down, especially people from within your own party, because everyone wants those positions. So I am not entering a political party and I am not running for office. You heard it here on Little Dumbo. Which means as a politician, yes I am and I will. And I'll fucking win.

Who would vote for Moonman? Everyone would vote for Moonman. You were tempted though, right? I tempted Mooney for PM. No, you tempted. Oh, I am tempted because I'm a megalomaniac. And I've always had messianic fantasies about leading the people. Really?

Into camp and locking the gates. Oh, God. Jesus. Oh, God. Jesus. Oh, my. Jesus. The same woman that said Moody for PM just went, oh, Jesus, what have we done? Now, I've always been massively into politics

and fascinated by it, and so ultimately there's probably, you know, a little bit of a leader fantasy in there. Wow. If you became, don't just say in another life... If you'd never done all of the things that you'd done... No, pretend you were the Prime Minister, OK? And that's not inconceivable if you were to, you know, go with this.

But with someone like me, would you just dump me? Well, I haven't, through your litany of previous fuck-ups so would you have to change your friends and you're asking me would I take your calls yeah Yeah. And I don't now because you don't call me. Because you're a selfish cunt. After every fuck up, I wait for the call. Then some half-assed text comes through. Oh, you're the best, Larry. It's like, fuck off, mate. Well, you've just lost one vote.

I don't vote. Like after the last time Fiona fucked up. So. This is the text that I got from... Are we doing this? Fuck, I was going to move on to something else. No, you go. You've got your own.

Okay, all right. Let's move on to this. Let's move on to something else. Who's your favourite character on the Brady Bunch? Alice. Good choice. What about this? Sound the butcher for me.

What about this? So I don't know if you guys heard, but I just got married. Oh, I must get something. And six people were excited. No, I was really looking forward to the wedding, and I RSVP'd, which is probably also rare amongst comedians. Yes. And then I booked accommodation close to the event

because I was excited, and then we went out and bought you a lovely present. Thank you. That's the way you honour somebody, as they're celebrating their nuptials, not roll up and just fuck off. I should say, here's a list of the people because I did do the list of people who didn't bring presents

and I shamed them and I said don't go to their shows, here's a list of people that I did that did give me a present Dave Thornton, Ben Lomas, Josh Earle Tim Hewitt who's never been on the show but he will now that he gave me a present Luke McGregor Celia Pakola, Danny McGinley Josh Earl, Tim Hewitt, who's never been on the show, but he will now that he gave me a present. Luke McGregor, Celia Piccola, Danny McGinley,

Lawrence Mooney, Tommy Daslow. 20 bucks, 20 bucks, 20 bucks. Now, hold on, that's eight. I have Nick Capa. Someone is saying Nick Capa, and that is patently untrue. That's not very true at all. But what I want to ask is you guys have both been married and both ended marriages. Now that I've just entered marriage,

you've both come out of marriages that have ended. So what's your tips for me as a young marriagee? What is your tip for me to keep it going? Like the mistakes you've made, what should I be shying away from? The worst game. That's a good question. I reckon just really live and let live. Never make too many demands of somebody.

Just leave them be let them enjoy their lives i reckon marriage is completely meant to enhance both people's lives so if it's making life more difficult or you know frustrating or anything like that then it's not working as it should it should be about complimenting one another and uh just having a great time together so you know you know, not bugging somebody. Moon's right. Treat it like a podcast. And don't... See, I left...

Don't marry an alco. I left... Emma. I left my wife as much as I left my husband, you know? Like, I... It was either, like, calcify into middle age or get the fuck out of there, you know? I had to go to so many barbecues

where I would just stab myself in the eye. Get the fuck out of there! All those Darrens and Karens, you know? And they make banal small talk I can't even do it and then I remember saying and my husband's so nice, he was nice but he'd go, what are you so drunk?

and I'd say, well if someone else would say something fucking remotely interesting maybe I wouldn't have to drink a bottle of vodka I don't know, drink a bottle of vodka. I don't know. Just don't stick around. Maybe I'm saying more... I think when you just stick with your own set of people, you calcify. Right.

I reckon that that is so true. I remember we got married in an Anglican church in St Kilda because... Who gave presents? Who didn't? Everyone I invited gave presents because I didn't invite any comedians. And it's a lovely church, but you have to interact with the Reverend and I'm a Catholic, couldn't give a fuck what any Anglican has to say about anything anywhere. How many Anglicans does it take to change a life, old Fiona?

It doesn't matter, they live in eternal darkness. They always will. Because they're Anglicans. So. I don't get religion, what does that mean? They always will. Because they're Anglicans. So... I don't get religion. What does that mean? It's a joke about the power supply. Don't worry about it.

So... How fucking quick did that happen? Milan. Milan. Can I get a maker's and ice, please? Fucking makers, that happened. Please. Okay.

So anyway, so Reverend Minchin... That is the worst dressed waiter I've ever seen. Reverend Minchin said, now there's two types of marriage. There's one where you can make your marriage, you know, larger than the parts of a marriage, and the sum of your marriage extends out into the community and you help to enrich other people's lives and change lives and you become a power for good.

Or you can become a smug, self-centred little unit that does no good. And me and Lou looked at one another and just went... Because we are so anti-social. Fuck the community. Fuck reaching out into the world. And fuck all of our friends. We're not coming. We're staying at home. When one of us dies,

there will be no one there to support the other one. So what advice did I get on top of that question? What do I do now? Never invite comedians to a wedding and write off all your friends. Keep digging each other. Yeah, you've got to keep digging each other. That's a groovy word,

isn't it? Dig. Dig it, baby! Hey, my wife's Italian. So, treat her like an Italian woman. Right. You worship that spicy meatball. Yeah. Yeah.

It's been for a long time. They're sensuous and beautiful women. I'll finish that. I'm not a mix 101.1 now, mate. For people at home, Milan walked on stage again Hey, just quickly, we did a thing during the week where we put the call out to some of the listeners and we solicited for some questions that fans of the show

wanted us to ask you guys I had this opportunity at this big live show and one of the emails that came through the subject line was question, and it was sent from Tessa Lachlan. And the question was, does my mother love me? I can tell you, Tess, yes, she does.

Because you do think so. Oh, yes, right, right, right. Who's 10? She says nine. Is she in the top ten of your favorite children she's got engaged so she got engaged oh my well we do you know do you have to pay a dowry or I got her a present well no you must be nice um do we have we had a few questions that we got emailed didn't. Must be nice. We had a few questions that we got emailed, didn't we? Yeah, we've gone through a lot of them. Oh, really? Already? We got doubled up?

Yeah, we haven't given anyone credit who sent them to us. Right, right. What about this? What about we go back to the 69 Maori Westgate? Yes. Well, I reckon Fiona's nearly got a handle on it. So we can ask her these again. All right.

At the very least, this will chew up 20 minutes while she tries to remember what the game is again. Yeah. All right. So can I just say something? First of all, awesome crowd. When I walked in here tonight, I thought, rocking at the Croc was something we used to do when I was in my 20s. The Crocster Park Hotel was a fucking proper rock venue.

And you come along. So I was excited to come along here tonight. Put your hands together for yourselves. Filling this awesome venue. So I come down High Street, Thornbury. And on the window is you and Tommy. Massive decal on one of the main panes there. And next to it is fucking Marky Ramone from the Ramones.

And your poster is as big as his. Yeah. Tommy and Carl. Yeah. One, two, three, four, kill yourself. You're like a Ramone. Yeah. A two-headed, fucked up Ramone. There it is. There we go. Too nice. All right, here we go, here we go. 69, marry but get no wedding present, Westgate. Anne Edmonds. Dilruch Jaya Singer. Lawrence Mooney.

Again, fuck, marry, kill. Please, please do the right thing and throw me off the fucking list. Spare me. I can't kill. I don't like this game. Can you take 69 out of it? Because that's not a thing for me. Well, what do you want to put into it? I don't know.

Watch South Park in Bedwith. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. Hire a black prostitute instead of. Why did you ask for me? There's three people I love.

That is also public domain. That's not like I'm just throwing that out there. Yeah, it's just a game. It's just a game. Just name... Everyone's gone. Again, you don't have to have to do... We're not going to go...

It's a fun game where you go on the public record and say that you want to kill one of your friends. It's fun. Or fuck one of them. It's a game. I'll kill on the public record and say that you want to kill one of your friends. It's fun. Or fuck one of them. It's a game. I'll kill Dilrub because he'll forgive me. He's a what? He'll forgive me.

Right. You'd come back and haunt me. So that means you've got to marry or... I'll marry Anne. It's that time of the... That means you've got a 69 The Moon Man. I don't have to 69 anybody. Well, it's not your first lesbian experience, you and Anne, is it?

No. Because after the last gig we did together, you and your girlfriend were celebrating your marriage with a bottle of champagne. Oh, yeah, that's right. Fiona called reception and trading on the fucking emotion around the yes or no plebiscite slash survey,

she said to reception, me and my girlfriend have decided to get married. Can you send up a bottle of champagne? And they did, but there was only Fiona there. And she got blind and smashed up the room. did, but there was only Fiona there. She got blind and smashed up the room. Happy

wedding anniversary. Well, congratulations to Anne Edmonds. And nobody got me a present. I'm so sorry. That's my bad. That's my bad. You naughty girl

Alright so Over to Lawrence Lawrence here we go 69 Maori Westgate Dave Hughes Fuck off Dave Hughes Dave Callen

Fiona O'Loughlin Uh Hughes he's straight off the Westgate Um He's had it too good for too long I'm sick to death of his fucking voice so boom

gone Kid and Dave gonna do your show in a couple of weeks so that means you're gonna marry or fuck one of Dave Callen 69

69 sorry yeah I wanna see the asshole I want to see the arsehole I want to see it up close 69 Fiona so 69 Fiona so you're going to have a very Scottish wedding that means well I'll be speaking like Dave

bring that cheeky cock over here so I can suck it I'm just going to live in a life. I'm going to, rather than change my surname, change my voice to his voice. Let's watch Star Wars. I was wondering why Callum was one of the options, but that's answered that question. Yeah. I look forward to you fucking someone with backup dancers behind it.

You call them dancers. I call them strippers. I'm starting to feel like this should have been a studio episode. Can't you edit this? We can, but... It's going live. It needs to be more than ten minutes, that's all. What about this?

What about you guys... Well, what do you mean? Are you going to cut out my Dave Callen impersonation? That is very good. Shut the fuck up, Fiona. What about you guys... I'm growling you out. I'm growling out your Yoda.

Out you lick me. Finally, Star Wars is interesting. Fuck. What about, what's... That's a good ten minutes. Yeah, yeah, totally. If that's all it is, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. We'll put out

five seconds, that's fine. So you guys are like pound for pound, like the funniest up there, totally, at least in the top 50 or so, funniest comedians in Australia. No, no, no, you guys are absolutely top echelon. But funniest actual persons,

like there's people that are funny on stage and then there's funny, funny people, and you guys have got funny bones. But it's led you astray. What do you think, personally, your biggest regrets? Do you have... Like, you've got... You've got...

Hey, I know you're going through the generator right now. I know I'm only naming one instead of, like, 50 or 100. I've had a few. But then again... Too few to mention I wouldn't have said that Oh you You don't want to know My biggest regret

I think I do I said you fucking don't mate I have career regrets Because I never Ever believed any of it you know I because I think you I always when I deal with you I always think you don't think you know you don't believe you're as funny or as as famous or as popular as you are I think you're quite you know down to earth you sort of don't believe it a bit you don't believe in yourself as much as you should no and now it's awkward because i think now it's i don't know i've i've missed the boat of many things you know like i'm panicking at the moment i don't want to feel

you're a mr boat person i am if you had a if i had a rope... That's worse than being a boat person. Like, I wish I was a boat person. I'm a Mr Boat person. Yeah, I wish I was on fucking Christmas Island. So you're trading on somebody else's agony. You live in Australia and you consider yourself a Mr... If only Tom Ballard was here to help her out. To sail the boat up to his box office. If I had a roadmap for how to make your career not work for you,

I couldn't have done a better job. It was just like, I turn left to fuck it up here more. Now you need to take a sharp right. From bad management to not believing it forever, I didn't believe it. I felt like a fraud. I thought people would... Any minute now, it would be...

And also I've had this other thing where um my I come from an era where you it's very it's very bad to to say you're good just to what sorry to say you're good to say you're good yeah yeah. You know, I just went to Joel Creasy's book launch the other night and I think there's a ghost of you behind you. The ghost of Sips Past.

But I'm not bitter and twisted about that. So you went to Joel Creasy's book launch, what happened there? I was just like, wow, I wrote a book But I'm not bitter and twisted about that. No. And I'm kind of wondering... So you went to Joel Creasy's book launch. What happened there? Yeah, no, I was just like, wow, I wrote a book, but I didn't think for a minute to have a launch or make a deal of it, you know?

What's his book called? Thirsty. Didn't think of that either, did you? Fuck. Wow. What's Joel thirsty for? I'm not. Fame.

And he's the first person to admit it. Because you can't drink fame, but there's heaps of other things you can drink. Yeah. So... Vote yes, by the way. I don't know what you're thinking about. What about this?

All right, all right. Let's get brutal then. Okay. Mooney, because this is a thing that has scared many people. I remember you told me about a game, about a comedy game called Funny Not Funny. Where you just have to name comics and say funny or not funny. These people are so dumb that they couldn't get what the game was from the title. I got it so you

name people oh it is men so I I've told many people about that you bet you game funny not funny because it's very black and white it's very like comedy let's be let's be brutal about it it's a very subjective thing not everyone thinks everyone is funny and somebody can be very successful and very popular, but still you can sit in that audience and think, what the fuck are these people laughing at? I just don't get it. And because it's subjective, that's why it's comedy. You don't know when

you're going to laugh. So Funny Not Funny, the most brutal game in comedy. I think it's brutal, but it's also... It's fair. It's part of the gallows humor that comedians involve themselves in backstage. And also, we are probably the bitchiest industry ever, because we're very solitary, and so you're competing against everybody, and you pick some friends, and then you see other people

that you don't particularly think are funny rising above you. So you get together with your mates, and you tear strips off them, and if there's a story to go around, you like because we're natural storytellers so yeah why wouldn't you have a game like funny not funny sounds like a court case and i say that not funny not funny you are free to go from this court uh there are no charges against you do you want to give him i don't agree with that at all I shut up shut the fuck that's funny funny not funny funny funny Fiona funny well done Lawrence Mooney funny not funny funny funny oh yeah of course you gotta think you're funny otherwise you can't survive in this and even though Fiona might have

gone through deep dark nights of the soul thinking fuck I'm no good she always thought she was funny even when she was about to top herself she probably thought this is pretty funny right at the end yeah yeah I can't do the end I know this end will be funny but then I won't be around to hear the laughter. Puts the clown make-up on right before she puts the noose on and goes, this is going to be fucking great. Even when you're going down the fucking freeway at 174, pedal to the metal, you just go, oh, this is pretty funny.

Pisser. Absolute pisser. It is a pisser. Yeah. Tommy, give him a funny or not funny candidate. Well, should we throw it out to the audience? Oh, someone doesn't want to fucking name it. Yeah, give him a funny or not funny candidate. Well, should we throw it out to the audience? Oh, someone doesn't want to fucking name it. Yeah, exactly.

No, I'm not going to just bury myself on your podcast. It's like, did you hear what Moody said, fucking? All right, let's go through some previously mentioned names. Fleety. Fahney. Very funny. Like, probably the funniest man I know. There's two. The funniest people I know this to these two the funniest

people I know a mighty sheer gold who was a stand-up doesn't do stand-up anymore he's just naturally funny like when Marty comes through the front door of my place I'm already laughing and he's just one of the funniest the funniest people I know how's he open the door? That must be fucking great. I open the door. It's my place. Learn how doors work, cunt. Also, I'm guessing that you find very funny. Can I borrow 20 bucks? Flady, you've done it again.

Because he knows that I'm cashed up, it's never 20. That's a bit of an insult to me. I get 20, what do you get? I get triple figures, so, you know, 100, 200. Someone's doing all right. It's still no, but... Yeah, yeah, sure. No, I feel like he hasn't asked me for money for a long time

and probably not asked anyone for money for a long time. But, yeah, I think he's a very funny man. Yeah, he asked me last week, but anyway.'s a very funny man. Yeah, he has. He's got a new boy coming in. But anyway. Dave Kellan. Fine. And do the voice. I think I'm very funny.

I think Dave is funniest when he's telling stories about his actual life. So not funny. All right, next one. Well, I'm not a big dance and musical kind of a guy so I can enjoy that stuff but I'm not gonna some of his crowds just go ape shit because you know he knows like at your wedding right that's a song all the all single I will the single ladies yeah so that song starts and there's a few women on the dance floor and then Dave Callan starts doing the moves and a couple of them go,

oh, look, he knows some moves. And then it goes next level and he knows more moves. And then all of a sudden every woman in that room is just watching him rip it up as Beyonce doing every fucking move. And in the end he was mobbed by women. But women were doing this. They were bowing. They were going, oh.

And his audience fucking loved that. end he was mobbed by women but women were doing this they were bowing they were going oh and his audience fucking loved that I don't go oh fucking yes dance moves oh he's learnt the dance but I think that his stories are fucking hilarious

but also did all that didn't give a present anyway okay I'm a bit of a tight arse. Didn't you hear that story? He brought joy to the dance floor. What more of a gift could you possibly ask for? Well done, young Thomas Dassolo. He brought joy to your wedding.

I think the real gift from your wedding was your speech to your wife. Go on. Did you mention her at all in that speech? You damn can't. But it doesn't matter. I mean, you know, there's heaps of weddings, isn't there? Oh, no, it's just a one-off occasion.

I mentioned her in the vows. I will say though, the speech, funny. It was funny. It was a funny speech. Thank you. Funny or not funny, my speech, funny. It loses the game of romantic or not romantic, but funny or not funny, it's right up there. Yeah, exactly. I was funny.

I was funny at my wedding, which I was looking forward to. I've been to weddings where I've seen some supremely unfunny people get good laughs and I was like, I fucking better be funny at my wedding. I hope your wedding's like the Nullarbor Plain, one long glorious route. Oh, fuck, okay. What would you have said, Moony,

if you had been asked to be best man at Chandler's wedding, what would your speech have been? Oh, this will be good. What would you have focused on? Come on. Oh, look, when I'm asked to speak about someone, I get a little bit too heartfelt, probably, because I'm a bleeding heart, small L, liberal,

with a big compassionate heart and that's why I think you should vote for me at the end of the election. Sure, I put a couple of foot wrong, feet wrong but I'm a good guy and the charges didn't stick, so come on. To Carl.

You can give it to some 37 year old bird in New Zealand, you can give it to a fucking 52 year old albino. Now get out there and vote, you cunts. Dastyari, are you taking notes about this or what? Lawrence Moody, he means something. We don't know what, but fucking vote for him. Written and spoken by some fuckwit for the overvote.

What would you... If you'd done it in an alternate world where you'd gone, yeah, I'm going to be the politician, what would you run on? What would your platform be? What if Fiona was a politician? Where would you run? Like Bundaberg?

Hey! Is Schmertn off a city? What would I run on? What do I run on? What do you believe in? I've only just gotten interested in politics since Donald Trump because it's fun, because you get to laugh every night. Right. It is intriguing, isn't it?

It is. It's fascinating. You know what? Every morning, this is weird, every morning I wake up and I type Trump into Google. So do I. Yeah. I do it before I go to bed. Yeah.

I go Trump news and then I go Anderson Cooper. Because it's so funny watching people as brilliant as Anderson Cooper having to lower his... Like, he has to talk about this and it's so beneath him. It's amazing. You type Trump in because I top hot naked milf rear view. And I get exactly what I want. Every fucking time. I have actually been around you when you've pulled out your phone and someone said, oh, why don't you Google this?

And you pull out your phone and open up Safari and it's like, wow, I should not have seen that. phone and open up Safari and it's like, wow, I should not have seen that. I've literally seen the term bearded clam in Google.

And then I've got onto Google and gone, what's this wildlife shit you're putting up there? It's some sick fucking mollusk from a coral reef. I'm sick of it. Hi, Fiona.

Speaking of. Oh, I was just thinking about what I said. Sorry. What? I really need to go to the toilet Yeah me too Wow what a way to end a show And show 500 people that you really love them

Thanks for coming but I need a shit Bye Honestly I feel like my blood is going to explode I feel like I've been properly maligned Oh my god Like I'm happy for the show to go on, but I fucking need to go to the toilet. Why don't you just piss your pants? I've thought about it. It's not a really

cold night. Why don't you just piss your pants like a proper rock and roll dog and fucking get it on? You know what? I need to go too, so you go and then I'll go and we've got someone here who's happy to sub in, I think, for both of us. Is that what's going on? Okay, if you want. Yeah, okay, you go and we'll welcome on a substitute for Carl Chandler.

Off you go. Go on. Oh, you can't even straighten up. The toilet's straight out that way. It's that way. Backstage. That way. Oh, okay.

No, but this will do. Oliver Clarke, everybody. It'll do. Oliver Clarke. Oh, welcome, everybody. Thanks so much for joining me today. What a great concert. Oliver Clarke, the face of BP everybody. Thanks so much for joining me today. What a great concert. Oliver Clarke, the face of BP,

Velocity Frequent Flyer Points. Thank you. Make sure you fill up at BP, everybody. Fantastic Frequent Flyer Points available for everyone who fills up at BP. Velocity, not Frequent Flyer. Oh, I did. Anyway, move on.

With your voice and the suit you're wearing, it feels like this has turned into a This is your life for Lawrence and Fiona It's fantastic It's so good to see you both here tonight Lovely to see you Fiona's looking fantastic, may I say Round of applause for this

I love it I love it a lot It's a dress I was going to call it a skirt But I always get them confused Well, a skirt starts at the waist And this is a smock. Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's a dress. It's very lovely. No, no, no. He said a smock. It's a dress. It's a dress. And now we'll get into some painting. And you're going to make your mum a birthday card with macaroni and glue.

What do you reckon Carl's doing on the toilet right now? Oh, that's a great question. I reckon it'd be a stunted, the bladder's too full, the valve's got pressure on it, they'd be spraying out the jat high like some kind of fucked up garden hose all over the cistern.

He's spraying, isn't he? He's spraying. He's not going to run for politics. So I've read a lot of political biography and one of the leaders that I identify with is John Gray Gorton. Now, he was the Prime Minister after Harold Holt died. Harold Holt drowned and then there was Black Jack McEwan for 23 days and then John Gorton now John Gordon of course because they didn't have a

24-hour news cycle and there wasn't you know TV cameras and cameras all around and social media they'd have a press conference every now and then and he just used to lash the piss like a madman and uh he got on air force our version of air force one blind as a bat he was flying from canberra down to tassie and uh he's sitting in the seat and he he was like all of a sudden the lunch has started to repeat on him and he's leaned forward he's grabbed the airsick bag and he's just violently spewed up into it and then the air hostess or you know the attendant who's on comes in stands beside him because he's the Prime Minister and they've got to make sure things are okay he goes this is this is

a terribly rough flight and she goes we we haven't taken officer Oh, good Lord. Ladies and gentlemen, Carl Chandler. He's back. Back on stage. Can you just say, I need to go. Wow. Oh, wow. Is Sam on site and stage?

There he is. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sam. He's coming on. Sam Dastyari. With Milan. Wow. Excuse me. You guys have no respect.

This is an elected official. His full title is Senator Sam Dastyari oh Senator everybody Senator would you would you stay on stage I've already had one Sam do you want to get on the mic or not are you just going to wait

come on you fucking love it we know you love it wow you know you've made it in life when you're fucking Tommy Dassler's replacement for 10 minutes that's right I'm the guy they're getting when Tommy's doing a piss can I ask you You know you've made him laugh when you're fucking Tommy Dassler's replacement for ten minutes.

That's right. I'm the guy they're getting when Tommy's doing a piss. Can I ask you, what's your favourite one line put down? Because sledges are very popular in sport. What's your favourite sledge in politics that you've ever heard? Oh my God, you're Tony Abbott. Have you said that to Tony Abbott? Oh my God, you're Tony Abbott. What you said that to Tony Abbott? Oh my God, you're Tony Abbott.

What's up with Tony? Okay, can we get just a few moments of Lawrence doing Malcolm? No, no, no. We don't want that. We want Tony Abbott. He can do an amazing Tony, but he can do an incredible Malcolm. Well, thank you very much, Sam. And of course, you were on my show for the Fringe Festival,

an evening with Malcolm Turnbull. I had my own Tonight Show. And even though Sam's a dangerous little pinko, from the other side, I do find him very exciting to be around. And of course, he's a Muslim. And remember, it's a soft S for Muslim and a hard S for Islam. Isn't it? Isn't that right? It's Islam and Muslim.

And I bothered to learn that. I feel like this is getting very bedraggled. I feel like this is the end of the podcast. Yeah, we forgot to work on a finale earlier this afternoon. Is that obvious to everyone at this point? Love, love will keep us together. Think of me, babe, whenever. Some sweet talking guy comes along, singing a song.

Don't mess around, you've just got to be strong. So stop, stop. Hey, I was thinking of producing a CD for comedians who sing. Who can sing? Can you sing? Yeah, Ollie, what have you got? No, not now.

Ollie can sing. Okay. Do you want my microphone? I'd love to join you. I don't want to do. Let's go. Michael Bones! Drew Bones! I'd love to join you all. I don't know what I'm going to do. Let's go. If I should stay, I would only be in your way.

So I'll go, but I'll know I'll think of you Every step of the way And I Will always Love June I've been on here way too long. Get the fuck off my stage And I

Will always love you. I will always love you you my darling you I will always always love you Love you Thank you Oliver Clark everybody

Oliver Clark I will always love Moon and June Very good Very good Nice very good. Nice. All right, what a lovely note to take us out on. Yeah, we're going to wrap this up.

And Oliver Clarke, funny. Very nice. Very nice. Seal of approval. Folks, that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Big round of applause, Lawrence, Mooney and Fiona. Thank you. Oliver Clarke.

See ya. thank you very much for joining us on the little dum-dum club and we'll see you next time see you mates crowd surf bitch fuck yeah we're rocking at the crook Turf, bitch. Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah! We're rocking at the crook!

So, right, this is the end. We are going to hang out in the front bar and we're going to have drinks and play music and everything. If you want to stick around, that'd be cool. Cool. There's five of us. Great. So there's going to be, we've got the merch up the back if you want to grab a thing on the way out. So here's the three bits of news that of us. Great. So there's going to be... We've got the merch up the back if you want to grab a thing on the way out.

So here's the three bits of news that we have. Yes. Number one, podcast is coming to an end. What are the other... We are both killing ourselves right now. Weird that that's number one. I don't know what the other two are going to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we have three bits of news. Let's do three. Three things to know what the other two are going to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we have three bits of news. Let's do three. Three things to... Should we do three this week? I'm happy to hear suggestions of other numbers that we could try. All right, we're doing three this week. All right, let's do three. All right, three.

Five. All right. So we need five. We can make up two. We quickly make up two. Six. Six. What the fuck is that language? No, let's do three.

Okay. For once in our lives. Okay. So do you want to do the first one? Okay. So on December the 2nd, we are going to do a live episode that is going to be all Patreon read. It is going to be...

Fuck, that has split the room. Yeah, and it's going to be free for Patreon subscribers, so if you subscribe on Patreon, you can come for free, and then once we know how many of those guys are coming... Oh, yeah. So, if you're a Patreon subscriber, we're doing a live Patreon subscriber-only read show at the European Beer Cafe, December 2.

So that's a lot of fun. Oh, here's Carl's diary. Oh, dear diary. Tuesday. Fuck, I hate Tommy, and I wish I hadn't mentioned my wife in my marriage speech. Wednesday. I really fucking hate Tommy,

and why did I fuck up that speech so badly? Must get a pie and a can of Coke. Must get a pie and a can of Coke. Hey, that was not Tuesday. So, that's one. That's one. That's number one. Four more.

No, there's two more. There's two more. Just sorry, guys. So, second bit of news is we are doing a live show, finally, in Meriburra. It is on sale as of right now, I believe. It's on sale as of right now, January the 13th, at the Violin Society in Meriburra. We are literally doing a show in Meriburra. Fucking hell. Yeah.

So anybody who wants to travel up, we're going to be up there. I think we're going to stay there overnight and fuck around after the gig. Yeah, so if you want to come to Maryborough, fucking hell, this is it. This is it. Honestly, this is my dream. I honestly think we're going to get hundreds of people coming up and hanging out in the Maryborough Main Street and it's going to make the papers.

Yeah. Are you just going to crash at your mum and dad's? Probably not. So that's part two. Oh, you need to wheel out the safe full of mad magazines that you haven't been able to get into. Oh, yeah. We've got to bring that up to the gig.

We've got to invite an expert locksmith down who can finally open up the sacred cabinet. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. We can do that. So, part three. Part three. Let's, okay.

28. Let's do the, so who's doing anything in June next year? We are officially June 13-17 The 2018 International Koh Samui Podcast Festival Now guys, guys hold your applause Hold your applause

Because it's boring this year. I know that in past years, we have only had our own podcast involved in the podcast festival. Us as festival directors, we decided this year... To add another podcast. ..to invite another podcast along. Now, you guys probably aren't interested in this stuff, but anyway, we'll say it for ourselves.

If you're not interested at all, tune out now, but we've added another one and the name of the other podcast is The Dollop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 2018 at the Ozo

Chawang Samui Resort. June, what did I just say, 13 to 18. Us and the dollop alternating doing live podcasts. It's going to be... A lot of people on their phone right now. Yeah. A lot of people going, finally, my chance to fuck Gareth. Anyway, how's that going to go?

Like, fucking hell. Like, we've literally already hit them up going, the resort is going to sell out. And they go, no worries, we've got another resort. Yeah, totally. And they want us to do a podcast on the beach. Mainly because they don't want us in the communal area that led to them getting a bad review on TripAdvisor.

Honestly, honestly, they offered us the beach. They said, do you want to do a podcast on the beach? I'm like, absolutely. And then, like, half an hour later, they come back and go, actually, can you do it in our restaurant next door? Because we would get in a lot of trouble with your fans. Fuck, we should have done this up the top. This is Rev These Cunts Up.

This is great. All right, cool. Well well there's all the news and it's going to be all online and all on sale and all that sort of stuff so I hope you can make it along to any of that sort of stuff but above all

I hope you had fun tonight I hope that was alright can we get a big round of applause for everyone who's been on tonight? Lawrence Minion, Fiona O'Loughlin, everyone you saw in the first bracket, Nick Capper, Brett Blake, Nick Carr, Daniel Walker, Adam Knox.

Stick around, have a beer. Big round of applause for everyone here at the Croxton Park putting up with this fucking whatever this is. Hit the merch desk. We're going to hang out in the front bar and DJ and all that sort of stuff. So if you want a beer and have a chat, that'd be awesome. All right. Guys, thank you so much for coming down.

This is amazing. Oh, they've done it again. Oh, yet again. Yet again, they've done it again. How do they do it 50 times, 52 times a year? Every week, they just do it. They just keep doing it. Is this about us?

I think so. This is the people listening talking about us. Yeah, I think. They just do it. They just keep doing it. Is this about us? I think so. This is the people listening talking about us. Yeah, I think. I like the idea. I like to imagine a world where every time someone listens to this podcast, as soon as it's done, the earbuds come out and they proclaim out loud, they've done it again. I thought this was maybe us being Gogglebox, listening to our own podcast.

Great, great. And going, oh, they've done it again. Wow. That's not bad. Poddlebox. So it's a bunch. Great, great. And going, oh, they've done it again. Wow. That's not bad. Poddlebox. So it's a bunch of people huddled around a Bluetooth speaker. And the great bit is, you know, in Gogglebox, they can have the visual of what's going on.

Poddlebox is just people talking over audio. Right. So they can't hear what's going on. The audience can't hear what's going on. It's an absolute fucking mess. Maybe what it would be, what would be better, would be someone doing interpretive dance to our pod. Okay.

So you've got some vision instead of doing audio over the top of other audio. You've got to contribute something visual. It must be, you know, it's like such a common trope that improv is kind of like shitty. Like you see it, like we talk about it a lot. And it's like a common go-to in like sitcoms and stuff, like bad improv troupes. Yep.

Interpretive dancers must sit there and go, geez, we're getting off scot-free here, aren't we? Yeah. Like they're a bit for the grace of God go I, I reckon they're thinking. Is there much interpretive dance going around these days? I don't even know if there is. These days? Yeah. It got phased out.

I haven't heard of it for a little while. You do hear about it. I think it's more just like someone told me they went to an interpretive dance show the other night and I think that's just cut off from that world. Right. Okay. I mean, are you picking up the big beefy guide to the Melbourne festival and seeing what's on?

No, I'm not. Exactly. Right. You know, you're actively avoiding it. Sure. Okay. So that was that episode. Be keen to know what you guys thought about that.

You know, some episodes I absolutely love and then some I'm not sure what I think about it. And so that was one of those ones. Okay. some I'm not sure what I think about it. And so that was one of those ones. Okay. Well, no need to say anything more about that. Okay. Because a lot of feedback we've gotten from people is even if you think it's bad,

people don't like hearing that you thought it was bad. Sure. People go, we liked it. Just shut up. I didn't even say the word bad. You said it. No, I'm comparing it to the Michael Jackson album Bad. Ah.

Which also not very good. Which wasn't good. Fuck, I thought I was going to get away with that. Which wasn't as good as some of his other previous works. The song Bad itself is good. Right. Okay. Don't you think?

It's fine. It's okay. Again, not his best. Yeah, not his best. But also not his worst. Yeah, sure. Okay. Is this what this episode is for us?

It's the beginning of it all going to shit. It's Michael Jackson's best. So after this, we're getting surgery. We're changing the sort of people that we go after sexually. Uh-huh. In a few years' time, you're going to dangle me over a balcony. Good. All right.

Well, there's something out of that. We get a monkey at some stage. That'll be cool. Yep. Cool. We're going to go out with Brooke Shields and not touch her. We are also going to die. I guess we knew that already.

We knew that already, yeah. We didn't know when. But we die in the middle of us planning this fucking huge comeback. That'd be good. And then butcher the footage of and turn it into a documentary. Okay. I can live with that. Well, I can die with that, I guess.

It's just good to have plans. Yeah, yeah. It's good to know what's what. It's good to put something in the diary. It's rare to have that kind of career security in this industry, you know? Speaking of which, the Patreon continues to kick along. Thank you to everyone who chips in and supports this show. We really appreciate it.

You, of course, have recently gotten your magazine for this month and the bonus episode for this month with guest Brett Blake thank you to everyone who chips in and as part of that we waste a bit of time here at the end of the show we just run out the clock reading out names and making fun of them I don't put it like that at all I think it's a valuable contribution to society by thanking people who give us money

and you know sort of you know talking about their names in a way that maybe they haven't even thought of before. Yes. Giving them a bit of, you know, making them feel important. You know, people ask for this to happen. People complain and say, my name hasn't been read out, so they want this to happen. I do like how often we get it right where we sort of go,

oh, you'd get this nickname, wouldn't you? And then people write in and go, you cunts. Like we nail it, you'd get this nickname, wouldn't you? And then people write in and go, you cunts. Like we nail it, you know? We happen to chance upon some kind of schoolyard bullying that they've repressed for 15 years. Oh, yeah, when Matthew McDonald, you know, signs up and then we go, oh, Macca, and he's, oh, how did they fucking know? They've fucking done it again.

Are you friends with the people I went to school with? Yeah. So how many names should we do for this week? Six. We're doing six. Six. I've got six. That'll take.

I've got to be done by five. Don't care. We're doing six. I promise people. I've told people. I've seen listeners during the week and they said, we want six. And I said, I absolutely guarantee it so we're doing six

they take about three minutes each and that's going to take us to five to three past five and I can't I can't be finished I have to finish

bang on five I'll do them quicker I don't care I have to finish bang on five I'll do them quicker I will not budge on this I'll do them quicker

we're fitting six in here we go thank you to Patreon subscriber number one Tim Haywood Tim Haywood. Tim Haywood?

Yeah. Hey, would Tim give us some money? I feel like we've done this one before. Yeah, I felt like we did too. Because I feel like I've gone, hey, Tim, you're giving me wood. When I put that name down, I thought maybe that might have been the case. Yeah. I guess he's got a second shout out. I guess he has gotten a second shout out.

I guess he's done it again. He has done it again. Well, you know, he's got Tim in his name. He's got Haywood in his name. It's worth a second shout-out. I guess he has gotten a second shout-out. I guess he's done it again. He has done it again. Well, you know, he's got Tim in his name. He's got Haywood in his name. It's worth doing again, I think. It's worth doing again. Well, but then, so this shouldn't count. So we've done this.

You wanted to do six. This is an adequate compromise. We've done this. This one sort of doesn't count because we've done it before. We're counting it. Number two. So let's do five from here. No.

Yeah, we're doing five more after this. What are you playing at? What have you got up your sleeve? Nothing. I'm just trying to do my job. All right, let me do my job. You're not doing it properly. You can say that every week.

All right. Thanks. Well, Tim Haywood, thanks. Thanks for the wood. Thanks for the hay. Thanks for Tim. I haven't mentioned this. I went to Italy. You mentioned that. Well, but I haven't mentioned this. I went to Italy.

You mentioned that. Well, but I haven't mentioned this next bit. So, the Telstra of Italy is Tim. Just Tim. Tim, yeah. So, the first time I saw it, I was like, oh, my God. And I posed in front of this shop. And then I saw another shop called Tim.

And so, I posed in front of that one. I got photos. I've got photos in front of like four Tim shops. Meanwhile, people are walking past thinking, fuck, this guy loves telecommunications. Yeah. Imagine someone posing with the Telstra logo going, oh, quick, get another photo of me.

Just a big fan of data. Just a big fan of 4G. Oh, we don't have phones back home. Big blabberlocking contract. My neighbours are never going to believe that I met Optus. So I've got to get a picture of this. Love a good flag fall. Thanks, Tim.

Thanks, Telstra Haywood. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Evan Granberg. Thanks to Patreon subscriber The Dodo Bird. Yeah. Evan what? Evan Granberg. Granberg. I've never heard that name before in my life.

Granberg's a weird one, yeah. Granberg. I don't think that name before in my life. Granberg's a weird one, yeah. Granberg. I don't think that's a real name. I'm sorry, Evan. I think Evan's name is something else and he's just changed it so we wouldn't give shit to his real name. Yeah. Yeah, which is Nocock. Evan Nocock.

Evan Nocock. Yeah. Well, I can see why he's changed it. I know, Evan is funny. Evan's very funny. But he left his name in it so he really fucked that one up. Yeah. Evan Mr. No Cock, if that is your real name.

Grand Burger. Yeah. So there's not even the D in there, so you can go Grand Burger. No. So it's like a big burger. Yeah, Grand. Like our logo. It's like Gran Turismo.

Gran Berg. Yeah. Yeah. Like that video game, Gran Turismo. Yes. Like Grandma, but Gran Berg. Like another word. I can see why you went back for Haywood given that you knew this one was in the mix as well.

You knew we were going to need something to kind of get us through. Yeah, you're going to start strong and then you can hide stuff in the middle. Yes. That's what you do in comedy. Also, you structured this like a stand-up set. Yeah. I'll get a big closer. I'll bet. Yeah.

Well, thanks, Granberg. Thanks, Granberger. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Josie... And the Pussycats. No. I'll pull you up there. That's not her. Josie McHell or Mashel.

M-A-C-H-E-L. Again, I swear to god I've heard you debate this one really yeah maybe this is just a real big case of

deja vu with you yes it's almost like we've recorded a lot of episodes in your living room yeah so

wow well I don't remember that happening before I think that's fresh anything you'd like to say that's new anything you'd like to say thank you to patient subscriber

anything you'd like to say to me after I just sneeze? Thank you to Patreon subscriber Gezuntite. First name plus second name you. Thank you. Where's Gezuntite? Interesting coincidence because you sneezed on the bonus episode that we

just recorded. Oh, right, yeah. Life's crazy, isn't it? Yeah, what a coincidence. Is Gezuntite meant to be like, what do you call it? Is that meant to be what a sneeze sounds like? No, it's just German for bless you, isn't it? Is it? Oh, I never knew. Yeah, I think that's all it is. Right. I always thought it was like

the, like in, you know, like Odie, like a cartoon, like Garfield spelled out like, you know, sound effect thing. I thought it was like, that's what a cartoonist thought a sneeze. Gesundheit! it's like someone saying ha ha ha like people don't actually say yes yes right you just thought it was so but then you think by by people saying it after you sneeze people are just mocking them yes so like some like if someone laughed that's like someone saying very clear to them ha ha you're in the bedroom and your partner climaxes

and then you just yell out, calm. You're right. Orgasm. Wow. That's pretty sexy. So we've just cleared that up for you. Yes. That's interesting.

I've learnt something on this Patreon. Wow, you've learnt something fucking very obvious, but good. I mean, I'd thank the person who we were just reading, but they had nothing to do with me sneezing just now. Yeah, yeah. That was the big man upstairs. Yeah. Thanks, God.

Thanks, God. And thanks, Josie Machel or Mackel. Thanks, Josie Paper Machel. I like that. All right, we got something out of there. Yeah. Josie Paper Machel. Mm-hmm.

All right. Give that to your friends and go back to primary school and get shit from that. Now, this next one, number four this week, is very interesting. Now, I don't know. We've got to get to the bottom of this. Mm-hmm. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber James Ashby.

Does that name ring a bell for you? I mean, I know a lot of people called James. Right. So you don't know anyone called James Ashby. Every now and then I've watched a bit of The Ashes. That's pretty much it. Well, that's the explanation here. You asked. I'm just telling you. Well, that's the explanation. A friend of yours has

watched the cricket and he's changed his name to that and he's given us money for that. No, that's not the case at all. Someone called James Ashby. Now, I read that name and went, that rings a bell. He is a politician, right? He's a politician. He works for One Nation.

Really? James Ashby is well known. He's like some sort of fucking puppet master for Pauline Hanson, right? So, I'm like, well, the odds are that that's not this person. So, I've then looked at his email address just to confirm or deny. He's got a government email address. Wow. Now, the next thing is he's got a state,

he's got a South Australian email address. Right. Now, I don't believe that James Ashby, the one I'm thinking of, is from South, I believe he's from Queensland. So what is going on? I love that of all that you've done, all this research, all you had to do was this last little bit where you look up where this politician is from.

No, but I did. I've done that. But he's still got the same name. Is that a big… That's a big coincidence for there to be… That's a huge coincidence. But you know what? The equal coincidence is I was just out for lunch with my dad,

who was at our live show that we did on Saturday. And he works for One Nation. And yes, my dad's Pauline. Sam Dastyari was on. And dad goes, you should get more politicians on your show. And I said, I don't think we really want that. And he's like, get Pauline in. Get her in and have a go at her.

So he's just floated this like an hour ago right and then here we are this may be our opportunity wow yeah so james ashby whoever you are if you are on the side of one nation if you can yeah put a word into pauline get on the show if you're not connected with one nation and god hopes you know you're not because fucking hell. This is very conflicting. If we're getting money from this guy, you want to say thanks a lot, you're a good bloke. But if you're working for One Nation,

fuck you. Well, I'm glad we're getting the money off you so you're not putting it towards pure evil. Yeah. Buying more fucking burgers to go wear in the Senate. Yeah. Like a, let's confirm this, a fucking idiot. Yes. If James Ashby, if this is you that's behind it,

you're the puppet master behind Pauline Anson, you are a fucking moron. I mean, I appreciate the dollars, but what the fuck is wrong with you? You are disabled. Yeah, never listen again. Yeah. Never in your life. I'm happy not to cop you five bucks anymore if this is actually you. Stick your five bucks up your again. Yeah. Never in your life. I'm happy not to cop you five bucks anymore.

Yes, yes. If this is actually you. Yes. Stick your five bucks up your ass. Yeah. But if it isn't you, thank you very much. Yes, great. But if it isn't you, tell us what the story is, please.

Because you work for the government, but you are not that James Ashby. When you say work for the government, is it just that it's got like a.gov.au at the end of his email? It's got a, yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's got one of those ones. I don't want to spell it out. Yeah. I mean, if it is the real one, I'm happy to spell it out. Yes. But if it isn't, I don't want to. We've got an interesting, we've got some work to follow up here. Yeah. Yeah, very

interesting. Because, you know, I don't want to get in trouble for any donations that we've got from One Nation or anything. Interesting. Well, so we've got to give this the caveat of thanks, James, slash potentially go fuck yourself, James. Yeah. So we don't know. We don't know.

Yeah. It's a tentative thanks and a tentative go fuck yourself at the moment. Yeah. All right. So two to go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Elvis Comedy. So this is number five yeah this is the fifth one we're doing

this is the second to go okay two to go this is the penultimate yeah this is the second last one Elvis Comedy yeah right so

it's coming from all the way from from from America from America yeah which part of America well hang on it's like

it's come from Elvis Comedy69 at Graceland.com. Oh, Graceland.com. So he works for the kind of the memorial site for Elvis. For the what? I felt like I had a glitch in my own head just then. It did, a little bit Matrix-y. I got chilly right in the middle of saying memorial. Memorial.

Well, you know what I said? As I was thinking, as I was reading that out and as I was thinking right then and as you said that, I thought, hang on, maybe this is the ghost of Elvis. Oh, right. Maybe Elvis comedy doesn't even exist. This is the ghost and that was you getting scared of the ghost. I like to think that if we were

of the same time that Elvis would have been a fan of this show. Like someone who died on the toilet. I mean, that's so in our weakness. I would like to think that he would have been listening to our show, but for some reason had it on his iPhone or something, but then had his iPhone well enough away from him that he could reenact his well-known thing that he did

by shooting the podcast, shooting the iPhone as he's listening to it. I would like that to happen. Or listening to the podcast as he's dying on the toilet and just gives it a bit of CM8s as he goes out. Remember that period where there was this obsession with bringing Elvis back into the charts? Like the JXL, you know, the Little Less Conversation?

Right. And then they tried it a couple more times and people didn't really give a fuck to the same extent. Yeah, it was just the first time. Maybe that'll be us one day. Right. You know what I mean? Being like, see you, mate.

It's being remixed into these club anthems. Please. That would be fantastic. I think, I don't know if you remember this, but this was sort of very, this is very much, I think, pre-internet. teammates being remixed into like these club anthems please that would be fantastic i think i don't know if you remember this but this was sort of very this is very much i think pre-internet where you know like the loch ness monster and all these sort of things like there was at some stage people believed all of that sort of stuff because there was no there wasn't a really easy way of verifying anything like that yes so people would be you know even when i was growing up i used to

go through all the books in the library and be fascinated with all these sort of ideas about ghosts. You don't really hear that much about ghosts anymore. I genuinely believe in about 80% of those things. Oh, really? Yeah. Can we go through a checklist? Sure. All right.

UFOs. Vaccines cause autism. Tick. Twin Towers. UFOs, I do. UFOs. Ghost do. UFOs. Ghosts. Yes.

So you do believe in this Patreon subscriber Elvis comedy? Yes. Great. That means we can have the money. Great. Yeah. Loch Ness Monster. No, but mainly because I haven't read enough on it.

I haven't seen enough of the photos or read enough on it to sort of know either way. Yeah, clearly bullshit, I think. I haven't looked into it. I think. Bigfoot. Bigfoot? Bigfoot, I think there's a compelling case to be made. Really?

Yeah. What about the panther that's in the forest? Oh, I love that one. Near Mirabarra. Love that one. Yeah? Big into that one. Most of these is based on the fact that I just think it's a lot more interesting to live in a world where this stuff does happen.

Right. That there's stuff beyond our knowing. Don't you think? Don't you think it's kind of boring if everything that there is, that's all we're ever going to know? Totally. But I kind of think that the internet has sort of like gotten rid of most of them because it's like, oh, it's pretty easy to verify all of this sort of stuff. Sure, sure. But having said that, also, I mean, lately, you see a lot of flat earthers now.

You've never heard of flat earthers for so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you've got people that genuinely believe that the earth is flat. So I think right now, like this year, last year, with the rise of old mate Trump over the water, there are some people that are very violently going, you know what?

Fuck all this information at our fingertips. We want to be dumb on purpose. We are ignoring everything. We don't this information at our fingertips. We want to be dumb on purpose. We are ignoring everything. We don't want information anymore. We want to make up our own mind. And I know there's all these facts, but we want to ignore everything. That would be you if you'd never moved out of Maryborough. No, I was like smart for Maryborough, totally, for sure.

Exactly, still. My point still stands. Yeah. So my point being about Elvis is I remember there being documentaries where they were like – I remember Bill Bixby who played Bruce Banner in the original TV series of The Incredible Hulk. Doing some sort of live telethon, live sort of where you'd ring in if you'd seen Elvis. You'd like ring in and they had updates during the show about if anyone had seen Elvis. And they were trying to prove that Elvis was still around.

And this is probably mid-'80s. You would never have that again. Totally, yeah. You would never have Elvis. You do see little conspiracy theories and stuff popping up at the moment. There's one now that there's like, have you seen this one about how there's a decoy

Melania Trump out there? It still happens. I feel like it's like the opposite where you you know you can verify but there's certain things that the internet can't verify and in fact it's the opposite where it just gives it a place to spread quicker than it did before you're right i guess that comes back into the the last point i made in that i think for a long time science and internet and people got smarter and it was like great we're all going upwards and then all of a sudden in the last two years everyone's gone down

again. Yeah let's go. This is dumb fuck time right now. Totally. Hey I'm into it. You're into it? I'm into it. Okay. So you believe in UFOs you believe in ghosts. You would have voted for Trump. You're voting for Pauline Hanson.

Is that what you mean? I mean comedically I kind of have to say yes, don't I? Yes. Yes, and. In fact, you have to say yes, and, and I just keep naming dumb fuck stuff. Oh, okay. Yes, and. Fucking a dog.

Yes, and. And a cat. Yes, and. And a horse. Yes, and. What other animals are there? Boy, I've got a busy weekend ahead of me. What's worse?

Which of those three animals is the worst one to fuck? A horse, I think. I kind of feel like there's a bit more of a community out there of people who fuck horses. Like, I've seen documentaries about people who fuck horses. Right. I've never heard about, I've never read anything or heard anything about people fucking dogs or cats.

Right. So at least you know that you're in a, I it's still a much derided community but you know that there's do you know what i mean i think it would be easy you're gonna have someone to talk to exactly it would be easy to track down like-minded people right and you've got i mean there's there's videos the i remember fuck i wish i could remember what it was on but it was like they went and interviewed these people who were like get get their rocks off with horses so you you could at least, you could show that documentary to your friends and family and go, this is me. That's me.

Yeah. Right. I guess that is the real upside of fucking an animal. In that you can show your friends other people fucking the same animals. You just want visibility. Yeah. You just want visibility. Right.

Okay. Very nice. Well, if I have that inclination, I'll know where to go. Well, thanks Elvis. Thanks Elvis. Thanks Elvis. And that'sination. I'll know where to go. Well, thanks, Elvis. Thanks, Elvis. Thanks, Elvis. And that's it, I think. You said we were going to do six.

Yeah, that was six, wasn't it? I wanted to do five. You said let's do six. We did six. We fought about this for ages. We did six. I was vehement. We did six.

That was the sixth one. That was the sixth one? That's how I counted it. You must have. Did you edit one out? Oh, I edited that one out. Oh. Yeah.

Fuck, you've stitched me up here. You edited that out because you wanted five. I said six. So I'm sorry to anyone out there that didn't get their name read out this week. That could have been you. I'm really sorry, everyone. And also, it is important to clarify to the listeners, I do edit this on the fly. Right.

So I'm sitting there with the reel to reel. Sometimes I don't talk. I saw you fiddling with something. Sometimes you'll notice on the podcast, if I don't talk for a little bit, it's because I've got the scissors out and I'm kind of cutting out something that just happened. Fuck. Jeez. Why would you have done that?

Did you not like that person? I guess not. Fuck. You guess? You don't even know. You just edited someone out. Well someone it's gone i can't remember so hang on so you edited your memory at the same time i stuck the scissor in my ear and just poked a bit of the brain and it just fucked off out of there well for anyone that

comes up to me at live shows from now on and goes how come you haven't read out my name yet this is who to blame i've probably read your name out already and tommy's edited not only out of the podcast but out of his own brain. Yeah, well, I mean, if you put your name in there as like, you know, Hitler was innocent, like it's irresponsible of us to leave that in. But you already just said you fuck horses and stuff like that. I didn't say I fuck horses. Oh, yeah, I did say that, didn't I?

Well, that makes you wonder if that's what I'm happy to put on the record, how bad was this thing that we cut out? Yeah, man. Well, whoever that was, in hindsight, don't email us again. Thanks, that person. Yeah, thanks in a way, that person, for your money, but change your name. That obviously was too offensive to put on. Absolutely.

Well, thanks, everyone. Another wonderful week of Patreon-ry. A thoroughly confusing end to this episode We've done it again We absolutely I mean say what you will But this much is true We've done it again

For someone who half an hour Was intimating and complaining about the live show And then just served that thing up I think that was really good Yeah okay Me too And I won't complain about it Guys patreon.com slash little dumdum club If you would like to chip in That was really good. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Me too. And I won't complain about it.

Guys, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. If you would like to chip in, you get all sorts of sweet rewards. And if you enjoy the show, consider doing that because it does make a great difference to us. And it is greatly, greatly appreciated. All of the live shows are now on sale. littledumbdumbclub.com. You've got Koh Samui in 2018. You've got t-shirts for sale.

You've got Maribor. You've got Maribor. You've got Maribor at the start of Jan. And look, we've announced the Thailand live in that episode that's just gone past. We had such a reaction to that. This thing, I'm fully expecting for the whole resort to sell out. So we've had such a violent reaction already. It seems like everyone that came last year to the 2017 Costa Moe podcast festival are coming. There's a massive new influx.

So it looks like it's going to be massive. So don't sleep on it. Get on our website and find all the details about that right now. Exactly. By doing the old, getting on the Ozo Chewing website. No middlemen, not hotels.combined.com, not hotels.com. Get on Ozo's actual website. You've got to put in June 13 to 18.

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