The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 372 - Aunty Donna
Episode Date: November 21, 2017We've snuck into the hottest room on the planet to record with our old pals AUNTY DONNA! Karl has a great story to tell and over the course of several interruptions we hear about The Teenage Mutant N...inja Turtles, Mark moving house, Zach's lost shorts and Broden's hairline. This episode is brought to you by DOLLAR SHAVE CLUB! Go to dollarshave.club/DumDum to start your subscription! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up: CANBERRA: We're doing it again. A huge live show in your city. SATURDAY NOVEMBER 25. MARYBOROUGH: Is this the worst idea ever? Let's find out! We're doing a live show in Karl's hometown. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.
Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.
Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great brand new episode with special guests Aunty Donna.
But before we get into a bit of classic sketch comedy, we've got to tell you about some live events that we have got coming up.
If you are in Canberra, and if you are listening to this on the day that we've uploaded it,
you only have a couple of days to get your shit together and get a ticket to our big live Dumb Dumb Extravaganza
this Saturday, November 25th, hot off the freeway.
Are you looking forward to it, Carl?
Totally.
It's a big road trip.
We drive up with three guests, three of our favesies,
and it's a great line-up too, isn't it?
Yeah, this is one of the best we've had, I reckon.
Yeah, so we do stand-up, we do big podcasts.
It's going to be heaps of fun.
Canberra was heaps of fun last year.
Hopefully it's a lot of fun this time.
But, hey, get your little booties on and get a ticket and get down there.
We're a bit less than we were last year at this stage.
So if you can do some last-minute ticket buying, that would be awesome.
Yeah, we've got some great stuff lined up already,
so that's going to be a huge show.
And also, in a couple of weeks' time,
we are doing a live Patreon
read episode to which we gave
free tickets out to anyone who subscribes
to us on Patreon but now that
those guys have had their go we have opened
that up to the public so if you want to come
see that, a live Patreon read
could be anything. What that is
of course is the bit at the end of the episode where
we read out the names of people that have subscribed
to give us money and we
hang a bit of shit on them. So we're just going to do that
for an entire show and we've
made the tickets a bit cheaper because we're like, what the fuck's
going to happen here? Well, it's the most, fair to
say it's the most divisive part of the show.
Live. Yes.
So look, you either love it
or you hate it. So if you hate it, definitely come along
and get one over.
Yes. If you're on the fence, maybe this could be the thing that sways you.
Look, whatever it is, we've already given out tickets
to Patreon subscribers already, so there's a bunch of them already taken.
This is just the last lot of tickets.
If you want to fit in, we've made it in.
It's in the basement.
What's the date again?
Saturday the...
December the 2nd.
Right.
Yeah.
So it's going to be a compact little, hot little show
and I am genuinely really
looking forward to it. It's going to be fun. It's something a bit
different. It's going to be fun. I think it's going to be pretty wild.
I hope the random name generator has
some good names for us on that night. Well I hope we
get Wi-Fi down there in the basement so
otherwise the show might be ruined.
So yes, tickets for both
of those things, littledumbdumbclub.com
Looking ahead to 2018 we have the live episode in the country Victorian town of Maryborough
on Saturday, January the 13th.
Yep.
Well, I am going home.
It's the first time I've ever performed in my hometown.
I'm going the opposite direction of my home.
Yes.
You were going, yeah, yeah. I'm bringing the opposite direction of my home. Yes. You were going, yeah, yeah.
I'm bringing you home to meet the parents.
Yep.
Parent town.
Yeah.
So that's going to be fucking very, very interesting for everyone involved, I think.
For me, for you, for the audience coming up for it.
So far this show, you've ended up getting the show over to Thailand,
one of your homes.
Yes.
Now we're going to your actual home, Maryborough.
My second home, Maryborough.
When are we going to do something that I want to do?
When are we going to do a show from the cancer ward
at the Royal Children's Hospital?
You know?
Well, I was going to say,
have an interesting fucking thing in your life happen and we can do it.
So, sure, we can do it from the Peter McCallum Institute of your life.
Yeah, the Vegemite Factory, anything.
The Ronald McDonald House. Yes, absolutely. That could combineallum Institute of your life. Yeah, the Vegemite Factory, anything. The Ronald McDonald House.
Yes, absolutely.
That could combine two things.
All great ideas.
Yeah.
Get your skates on, have a think.
Do it.
Do it.
I'm happy to be part of your life.
Great.
So that's Mirabarra.
That's going to be very interesting.
A lot of people booked in for that already and booked accommodation up there and stuff
like that.
So that's going to be a very wild and another step into the unknown,
to be quite honest.
Yep.
And then we have coming up in June 13th to 18th,
the 2018 Koh Samui International Podcast Festival happening
at the Ozo Chuang Samui Resort with us and special guests,
the Dollop, four days of podcasting, stand-up, beach activities.
It's a beautiful resort.
Of course, go to our website to find out the exact details of how to book in
because not only do you have to buy a ticket to the podcast festival,
you have to stay at the Ozo Chewing Resort,
the beautiful home of the podcast festival in 2017 and 2018.
And you put in a special code, which is PODCAST18,
and you get a very discounted rate.
So make sure you do all of that.
Go to the website.
It's got all of our details, all the discount details,
every bit of knowledge that you need to know.
It's going to be very exciting.
And I'd like to put this out there because we have a lot of people
that have sort of mentioned this leading up to it.
A lot of maybe girls that are going by themselves
and a bit worried about travelling overseas and stuff by themselves
and going to a place they've never been before,
to a festival they're not quite sure anything about.
But, look, don't worry.
The people who did that, the single girls who did that this year,
all had an absolute ball.
Everyone, you know, sort of like got together, made new friends.
No one was sort of like straggling along on their own.
There were guys that came on their own as well.
I don't know why this is so heavily gendered.
No, because that's what people have said.
People have asked this.
Like no single guys have gone, oh, I'm a bit worried.
But the girls have gone, oh, I'm a little bit worried about going to a country they've
never been by themselves.
Like genuinely worried.
So I just want to say there's a lot of girls that will take you under their wing there
already.
Other girls that have been there this year.
And everyone had a great experience that was in that environment.
Somehow this has made it sound less safe.
No, no, no.
I'm helping.
You're mocking.
Yeah, I am.
My heart goes out to anyone that's worried about coming
to a beautiful podcast festival and trying to help.
No, the point is people came on their own and there's been some concerns.
Am I going to have anything to do?
Am I going to be a bit of a loner?
Everyone kind of banded together last year.
It's a very social time.
It's a very, it's, yeah, people made a lot of friends last year who came on their own.
I don't think anyone came on their own last year who was like, oh, that was a mistake.
Yeah, and it's a bit more like a, I guess some people worry about travelling by themselves,
whereas this is a bit, you know, for want of a better word, a bit more like a Contiki tour.
So there's safety in numbers.
You're going to be among like-minded souls.
Everyone is on the same level.
So it's all good.
If you're going by yourself, I think you're in safe hands.
Yeah, it's going to be great.
So littledumbdumbclub.com for all of that information.
Stick around at the end of the episode for the Patreon name read.
You can, of course, subscribe to this show, chip in a little money,
help keep the lights on if you enjoy getting it each week for free.
We send out heaps of great bonuses that people really enjoy
and we do a now long-running segment at the end of the show
where we read out and quote-unquote thank the people who've chipped in.
So that's coming up at the end of the show.
Meanwhile, enjoy this episode.
A quick note, this was recorded in Aunty Donna's office
on equipment that is not ours
and that none of them knew how to use.
And so for some reason,
I sound like I'm recording from another room.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's fine, but it does,
I do definitely sound different to everyone else.
But just a note that that's in there, but I don't think that's too much of an issue,
but just a heads up.
So, hey, I know you'll enjoy listening back to that, Carl.
I always do.
All right, stick around for the end and enjoy this episode with Aunty Donna.
Hey, mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.
Thank you very much for joining us.
My name is Tommy Dasolo, and sitting next to me is the other half of the podcast, Carl Chandler.
G'day, dickhead.
Oh!
What?
I was trying to get in there quicker, but I can't get there.
G'day, dickhead.
I've got a bloody couple of understudies happening here.
Hi, Tommy Dasolo.
Oh, this is...
I got in there.
Oh, bugger off, Tommy.
Are we your new sketch?
Is Little Dumb Dumb Club a new sketch in the new Aunty Donna show?
Yep.
All is sketch.
You ever think about that?
Everything is a sketch.
Everything is a sketch.
All of life is a sketch.
Which is actually a sketch, as we say.
Everything's a drum.
Yeah.
What is Titanic but just a really long sketch?
I'm sorry.
Should we start again?
Now let's introduce our guests for today on the show,
great friends of the show, Aunty Donna.
Yeah.
Should we say their names though or not?
Yeah, let's go one by one.
We've got Zach.
Hi, I'm Zach.
We've got Mark.
Thank you for having me on the radio show.
And we've got Broden.
I'm Broden and I'm here to say, how are you going?
I just blanked for a second, and I was honestly about to call you Donna.
That's fine.
I understand that I have no sense of self.
When we started this group six years ago,
and I decided to join a group of people,
that I would lose a sense of self.
And I'm okay with that.
How do you, for people that haven't seen you and heard you,
how would you differentiate, you know, which one's the sassy one?
What's the strong personalities here?
Well, Mark's currently sitting backwards on his chair
like a substitute teacher desperately trying to impress the students.
Just trying to get a better posse on the mic that Broden and I have to share
because you dogs don't have a proper setup.
Yeah.
In fairness, you're resolving a problem in a bad boy way.
You guys are like proper backup singers.
You're like Supremes to Zach's Diana Ross right at the moment.
Yeah, I'm the Diana Ross of the group.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm worried because Lena and Woodley have got back together.
They're coming back together.
They're getting back together.
They've seen Auntie Donna and they're coming for a piece of that sweet pie.
Is that what you think?
I think so.
I don't think they've actively done that.
Let's just get back together.
We're one of Australia's great comedy duos.
But they're going to ruin our career because they're better than us.
They're going to get all those 16-year-old fans of yours.
All those 16-year-olds are going to go,
we want to see what these 52-year-olds
are up to these days.
We've had an intern working with us
the last couple of weeks. His name's
Finbar Todd.
Finbar Todd. Nice boy.
Got in contact with us studying
screenwriting at the VCA, Smart Cookie.
Came in, we made him do some shit that we
didn't want to do.
We didn't pay him. I didn't realise to do, and we didn't pay him.
I didn't realise he'd left.
I didn't say goodbye to him.
I was going to try and find you to say goodbye to him,
but he just left.
That's fine.
Finbar, if you're listening.
So Finbar just came in?
He didn't have an effect on me.
He just came in and did one day of interning and that was it?
No, no. Three weeks?
Two weeks.
Oh, for three weeks.
Unpaid.
Had to get a tram here every day.
Great. And he just worked his get a tram here every day. Great.
We didn't get him lunch or anything.
Oh, great.
And he just worked his ass off and was really lovely.
Still one of the better paying jobs in comedy.
So you've set him up.
I mean, you've almost set him up too high.
He's going to come crashing down.
He's going to go and do open mic comedy and feel spoiled.
How do we get an intern?
Yeah, because this is the thing.
You're going to get one now.
This seems like a big thing
that you guys have picked up from being in the states a lot am i correct because over like
especially in la you get all these people who come out and just want to be just want to be in or
around show business yeah so like stand-ups have an assistant to just like pick up their fucking
washing or whatever because there's just enough desperate people who'll do anything at the bottom
level i'm gonna think of the right way to say it is we have people literally throwing their internship.
They attack us and follow up emails.
They attack you?
Yeah, like, let us fucking intern.
Let me fucking get you coffee.
I haven't heard from you guys in three weeks.
What's going on with the internship?
You've got to hustle, bro.
You've got to hustle.
But anyway, what I was trying to say was that Finbar's 17.
He's a 17-year-old boy.
He's a fan of Aunty Donna.
He had however old he is.
How old is he?
18.
I just want to make that clear to anyone.
Zach needs to make that clear.
He is 18.
Everything you did was legal.
Yeah, sure.
Anyway, we said to him, Lane Owen Woodley are coming back,
and he looked at us blankly
because he had no idea.
He was like,
oh, do you mean
kind of like
Frank Woodley?
And we're like,
yeah, he's duo
and he had no idea
and then we realised
where is Lane Owen Woodley?
Oh man,
I would love
if the Lane Owen Woodley
reunion show
that they've just announced
for any listeners,
by the way,
if that show started
with an audio grab of you saying that just then,
so it's like lights down, this foreign voice over the speakers
dissing Lano and Woodley on the podcast, and then it's like,
and then they, just to get back at you,
they start their shows with techno music as well.
Yeah, and then it finishes and Finbar walks out and goes,
what the fuck was that?
He'd love that opportunity.
So if Colin and Frank can organise, that'd be great.
Well, then we got to Ready Steady Cook and he didn't know what Ready Steady Cook was.
Yeah, that was fucked up.
Yeah, that was a bit disrespectful.
Yeah.
But this feels like research for you guys because your fan base skews pretty young.
So is this just you trying to like look back?
It happened a lot where we would just be like, you know, is fuck boy still a thing?
Do people still jerk off to Blinky Bill?
Does that happen?
Your fans go straight from Pokemon to Aunty Donna, yeah?
Yeah, that is the stamp.
It's what used to be Yu-Gi-Oh!
Yeah, right.
And the Aunty Donna Go app is going to come out in 15 years' time.
It's just AR of you guys standing around in the park.
We'll be back for two months.
We did two festivals, or conferences this year.
Yes.
We did PAX and we did VidCon.
We haven't done the podcast convention yet.
Excuse me.
You're talking to the two directors of the festival.
That's what I'm saying.
Podcast festival.
And since then, we've had the ambition to do what you guys do,
which is to create some bullshit convention
where you can just build your career off that.
Like the guy who made VidCon is just some guy from Seattle or Portland.
He's just some YouTuber.
He has no connection to YouTube at all but has made a career off it.
Pax started out as a webcomic?
Yeah, webcomic, yeah.
That's my dream with the Costa Mili International Podcast Festival
is that one day it's a thing that's like,
we're not even involved anymore.
People would go hate it.
It's like everyone thinks it's a bit gross, but hey,
money in the bank.
Yeah, we don't even have anything to do with it anymore.
We're just like fobbing off going,
we don't want to do all the work of going to a beautiful tropical island.
Let's just stay in our flat at home.
Our lives are so good that we can't even be fucked going to the beach anymore.
That's my dream for us and our podcast.
Is there a convention centre over there?
No, that's, look, this is, now, look,
here is what we're dealing with at the moment.
So for people who haven't, we did the Coastal Moor International
Podcast Festival in 2017.
We're now on sale for the 2018 edition.
It's us and the dollop.
Oh, there's another one.
You're doing another one.
It's a legitimate one now. Oh, wow. We've got a second podcast over there. It's us and the Dollop. Oh, there's another one. You're doing another one. It's a legitimate one now.
Oh, wow.
We've got a second podcast over there.
It's the Dollop.
We're all of a sudden not the headliners anymore.
Second year in and taking a dive on the bill.
Yeah.
Dollop's got a much larger fan base and you're about the same or?
Not at all.
They're bigger than us.
Not at all.
They smash.
You know what?
We're big enough men to say it.
They're better than us.
It's got the same growth as Auntie Donna podcast,
the Dumb Dumb Club to Dollop.
Yes.
We're like us doing a comparison of our podcast to the Dollop podcast
is like me and Tommy stand up to you guys stand up.
That's a fair comparison, I would believe.
Oh, wow, you guys are getting fucking smashed.
Yes.
That's what we're trying to say.
So we are trying to organise that at the moment,
and so we're going over there.
We're using the same location.
So we had like 80, 100 people there last year, this year.
Was it that many people?
Yeah, plenty of people.
I just thought it was just like you and Dilraba.
It just looked like 80 people with us and Dilraba.
It's like talking to my auntie.
Oh, it was good.
You guys are the youth.
You should understand what podcasts are and stuff like that.
Get Finn onto it.
He'll be across it.
He'll run me through it.
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
If somehow some group in Australia said we will pay for a proper big podcast
convention but it has to be in Sydney and it has to be at the Sydney Convention Centre.
Yes.
Would you ever move it away?
That was my answer already, yes.
There's no connection.
You said pay and we say yes.
You would move it for the smallest amount of money.
We would move the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival
and hold that in Sydney with the same name.
Yes, that's our one condition.
It's that it keeps Koh Samui.
Anything else, we have to keep the title. We have to keep the title. You guys, that's our one condition. It's that it keeps Koh Samui. And you can fuck us on anything else, but we have to keep the title.
We have to keep the title.
You guys are going to be billionaires.
Yeah, with a business plan like that, totally.
So what we're having problems with at the moment,
so we had the beautiful Ozo Chaweng Samui Resort last year,
and so, you know, 80, 100 people.
It's probably built for maybe 300, 400.
Now, with the dollop on board and with our base growing
and a lot of people who missed out this year going,
and we've sold a lot of tickets already,
we kind of think the whole resort is going to be full of our people.
And so we're like, fuck.
And so I'm now dealing with the manager over there and going,
look, there's going to be a lot more people.
Are you guys sort of prepared?
And the guy's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, all good.
We'll buy another slab.
We'll be fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he doesn't quite understand.
So he goes, oh, we'll do it, I don't know, we'll do it on the beach.
I'm like, is that legal?
And he goes, oh, yeah, no.
So we'll do it in the hamburger joint next door.
And I go, now, look, I walk past that.
And when you say hamburger joint, that doesn't really look like a theatre,
the way we can fit 300 or 400 people in.
And he goes, no, no, no, it'll be okay.
And I go, can you show me any pictures at all?
And he goes, yeah, sure, and he shows me these pictures.
And what it is is it's an L-shaped veranda on the front of the restaurant.
And he goes, so half of you guys go on that L bit,
and the half is on the other L bit.
Now, it's literally on the street.
So all the traffic's going by with all the trucks that are going,
tonight, kickboxing, tonight.
So that's all happening where we're recording.
And I said, look, are we fitting 300 or 400 people on the veranda?
And he goes, no, no, no, that's fine.
You can fit like 100 or 200 people there.
But then the other 200 people can be inside the burger joint
and we can film it on a video camera out the front
and then project into a TV screen inside the burger joint.
And I go, people are not flying around the world to watch TV.
A crappy bootleg.
That's the spleen model for comedy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It doesn't matter what it's in relation to.
If you hear the term L-shaped about something in relation to a gig that you're doing,
it could be anything.
The con, the transfer, the venue itself.
L-shaped, it's not a good shape for anything.
L for lame.
In Tetris, Tetris is the only time you want it involved.
We were in New York.
There was a girl who came to our show and she said,
I went to the Kohi Samui.
Am I saying that right?
Kohi Samui.
The Sydney Kohi Samui International Podcast Festival.
She came to that from New York.
Oh, yeah.
We know her.
Because she said, I'll never get the opportunity to see them live again.
And so I spent the money to go there.
Aren't they here next week?
So, yeah.
Did feel bad about that.
Shout out to Linda.
Sorry about that.
How were your New York shows?
Good.
Yeah, they were good.
Where did you go to New York?
Where was the venue?
The venue was the, oh, fuck, what's it called again?
The Beacon?
No, not the Beacon.
Oh, God.
Times Square Garden?
Yeah.
Madison Square.
Madison Avenue.
Oh, yeah.
Madison Avenue.
Oh, God, what was it called?
I don't know.
I just hope it wasn't Trump Tower.
For some reason, the venue was in my head because I went to see Confidence Man in Thornbury
the other night, and your ugly faces were on the door.
Oh, at the Croxton.
Yeah, at the Croxton.
And I was like, look at these big boys.
Has that podcast come out yet?
It has.
Yeah.
Yeah, we can listen to it now if you like.
I was curious to hear how that dynamic would work in front of people.
In front of people?
Yeah, because those podcasts have been so intimate and, you know,
and D&M-y. What? Oh, with Laurence and Fiona, you mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look, I and, you know, and D&M-y.
What?
Oh, with Laurence and Fiona, you mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, look, I mean, you can have a listen to it.
I feel like it was one of those intimate ones that was in front of a lot of fucking people.
Yeah, incredible.
So it wasn't like a, like, I think, I kind of feel like we're the podcast, we're the
live podcast version of Arnie Donner.
There's a bit of bells and whistles going on and we're trying to get a lot of energy
in the crowd.
And then this one was like a bit of a Parkinson interview and everyone going, when are they
going to fucking throw a fucking wheel into the audience and hit someone?
And like Saturday night at 8.30pm, people just pre-drinking and fucking getting charged
up to sit and listen to some serious issues.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's get deep.
When have you been depressed?
No, no, spare no detail.
Yeah, it was a bit like shots, shots, shots.
All right, let's do some DNMs.
Yes, describe every single tear, all of them,
all of the nasty stuff your mum said to you.
Let's get it all out.
Have a cry.
So getting back to the Coastal Mill International Podcast Festival,
look, you know, guys, you know, there are still applications open
for podcasts.
If you're bored in June and you want to go to the most beautiful place
in the world, you can still fit inside an L-shaped hamburger joint.
We could probably get you guys a spot on the beach.
We'll have to check our calendar.
We'll just have to have a look.
Wow, that sounds really exciting.
Oh, we're busy.
Oh, I'm sorry.
If you had a top ten of podcasts, who would be your list?
You don't have to say us.
We would want to come over with us.
You don't have to say us just because we're here.
But if we're on the list, that's cool.
I'd like Serial to come over.
And they just have to solve something that happens on the first night.
Yeah, no, we do something and they have to solve it the next day.
You guys kill somebody.
Yeah, yeah.
And then every night we do a new episode of Serial
and they try and slowly unravel the case.
Because, like I said, if we have 300 fans come over for the first night,
they are going to commit a crime.
And so then Serial come and figure it out the next night.
And that way we don't have to get the cops involved.
Like we've brought our own police in a way.
Yeah, I like that.
That's great.
That's pretty good.
Richard Feidler from ABC Conversations.
Yes.
That would go off on the beach, wouldn't it?
Who's he interviewing?
Just like a Ned Kelly historian.
Okay.
John Winters has dedicated his life to the work of Ned Kelly.
He's joining me today on the beach over here.
I want to know, it's just that.
And this coincides with happy hour, so the audience is buckled.
Just apologies.
I have had a few bin tangs.
I've had a couple of bin tangs.
Mate, Indonesian beer, not a Thai beer.
Come on, get your detail right.
I'm so sorry.
It's funny because he was a bushranger and a criminal.
I just got 10 CDs for 50 cents.
And that was a steal.
Well, what about your dad, Brody?
Is that the sort of thing he'd be into, the Costa Nui Podcast Festival?
We can ring him now.
Well, the last time you guys were on, about what, like a year ago?
A couple of years ago now.
We had a wonderful moment where we rang your dad
so that you could tell him that you love him on air.
Yeah, it was awful.
And then he misheard me.
I said, I love you, Dad.
And he thought I said that I thought I was going to be a dad.
I had to ring him back immediately.
You should probably introduce your son to him by now.
Yeah, I know.
It's been a while.
I don't think I'm going to be having a kid anytime soon.
I think the jig might be up.
Yeah.
Who do you reckon in this room is going to be the first to have a kid?
Oh, great question.
Well, I'm the only one married.
Yeah, I don't want to.
It's 2017.
People can have kids out of wedlock.
Can you?
Yeah.
What did they get married for?
I didn't realise that was where we were sitting in this podcast.
Everyone here's in a
relationship, yes? Yeah.
This is a monogamous room.
That are you a poly?
We're poly. You guys are poly?
I wish. Australia's number
one polyamorous sketch group.
How great would it be to just be able to fuck
but also just come home at the end of the day?
Here's the thing, man. It's not just about fucking.
I've got plenty of relationships.
I love them all equally.
Man, you guys sound ideal for this little podcast festival we do in Thailand.
If you do want to talk about polyamory at any point,
we can go have a coffee and sit down and chat.
Polyamorous people.
I'm sorry.
Can't get behind it. Can't get behind it.
Can't get behind it.
Oh, they're all right.
What's your favourite and least bit about it?
My what?
Your favourite and least favourite bit about it.
The way that they talk to you about their current situation
as if by you not being polyamorous, you're somehow like unevolved or stupid.
Oh, that's your favourite bit?
What's your least favourite bit?
My least favourite bit is all the fucking.
Oh, you don't like that?
My priorities are really out of whack.
All the fucking.
Wow.
All the fucking.
Is this the introduction to the opposite sketches?
All the fucking.
Burton has stood up and started airing out the studio.
It is.
It is.
So fucking odd.
It only got hot once we started talking about polyamorous relationships,
to be fair.
That is true.
The heat level did go up.
I had two jumpers on before that.
This is like all so method.
It's like we're talking about being in Thailand whilst in the climate.
It's so human.
I am sweating up a storm over here, boys.
I mean, you're not dressed for the climate, are you?
I just moved recently.
I moved house like yesterday or the day before, and my shorts are still in a box somewhere.
That's the worst excuse I've ever heard.
What are you covering up?
My shorts are in a box.
Were you wearing your jeans while you were moving yesterday?
Yeah.
No, I moved on Sunday, and yes, yes, I wore clothes.
Well, you packed every bit of clothing except for the clothing you were wearing into a vault.
Into a vault?
Yeah, yeah, right.
Just into a box, and I don't know where the box is.
Oh, no.
The clothes box.
The shorts box.
Yeah, the shorts box.
I should have looked in the shorts box.
Have you guys ever moved and on the box written what was inside the box?
No.
Like, you know, like in Toy Story or in, like, any movies where people are moving, they say, like, books.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Have you ever done that?
No, I've never done that.
I have.
I've done that.
I've moved a lot.
I've had to move a lot, and so I've gotten pretty good at it.
Yeah.
I hate it.
I'm still terrible at it.
I don't even go to the extent of getting boxes.
Mine is just, like, armfuls of stuff chucked into the back of the car
one trip at a time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hopelessly ineffective.
I had to move when my previous relationship ended.
I had to move all my stuff out of an apartment that was on the fifth floor.
And we did have an elevator, thankfully.
But I did it on trams.
Oh, my God.
Because I couldn't afford a moving car and I definitely couldn't afford a taxi or anything.
So I had to, like, pack up big bags, sell what I could at the cash converters, which was just below where I lived.
Yeah.
I just sold a whole bunch of shit because I needed money and stuff.
Yeah.
And then just packed stuff up in those big, you know, those $2, like, bags that kind of, like, made it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The red, white, and blue.
The candy-colored bags.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just, like, hauled it on, like, maybe 25 minutes. like bags that kind of like made of red and white and blue. The candy coloured bags.
And just like hauled it on like maybe 25 minutes.
It was like a 25 minute tram.
But two trams.
Two trams!
No.
So yeah, tram from where I was on Smith Street up to Johnson Street,
walk down Johnson Street to Brunswick Street and then catch up. Weekday or weekend?
Pardon?
Weekday or weekend?
It was a weekday.
I wasn't working at the time.
I'm just trying to be an optimist, though.
But doing that, you had that time by yourself.
Did that give you time to think about how your world was crumbling around you?
Wow, this should be happening in front of a live audience.
It was amazing.
And I put all my stuff and slept on my brother's couch for three weeks.
It was such a great time.
I really got to figure out how I was going to kill myself.
Did you ever think of suffocating yourself in the candy-colored bag?
It would have been a good idea.
So how many trips do you reckon roughly it took you from place to place?
I think it was five from memory.
Wow, okay.
Yeah, and it was in the heat.
It was fucking hot.
It fucking sucked, man.
I didn't know you were in this position.
If you'd just called me up, I could have come and picked you up.
You don't have a car.
That's true.
Or a license.
Do you have your own tram?
I was like, I want to fuck on Nathan Mason.
You turn up in jeans and 30 degree heat like a fucking idiot.
Trust the guy that's got his fucking shorts in a vault.
I'll come and move you.
I told my mum and she started crying because she was like,
well, you could have called me.
Why didn't you call me?
I would have helped.
And I was like, oh.
I didn't even think of that.
Oh, man.
I didn't even think to call.
There's nothing better as a friend than having someone go through that
and they didn't ask you and then you get to say to them, oh, man,
you should have called me because it's like you didn't have to go.
You didn't have to fucking bother doing it.
You get all the credit of like what a great friend without having
to have lifted a finger.
You're right.
My mum is a cunt.
No, I'm on her side.
Good on her.
She gets it.
This week, the Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you
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Carl, what do you reckon of Dollar Shave Club?
This is the second time they've gone in on an ad for us.
I am a big fan.
You know what?
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Wow.
What was shaving for you previously?
It was a real pain in the ass, to be honest.
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Wait, what's your sauce on this?
Dr. Carver's shave butter is delicious, dash Dilruch Dysinger.
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He didn't see the shave bit.
Right.
He just saw Dr. Carver's butter.
But he's still, he's drinking it out of the tube and he's, and even
then... He's putting it on his toast. Right.
Okay. Right. Yeah, so there you go.
It doubles up. And because it's under
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So you speaking of trams, I had a great moment, a great day of going to and fro work.
I caught the tram to work.
To and fro.
Yeah. To and fro? Yeah.
I've got two things.
And for context, you work on that big pirate ship at Luna Park.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Pollywood side
I work on.
So I went to work on a tram
and I was on the tram
and I saw, we stopped, and
a very clearly blind person,
a vision impaired person, got on the tram.
Now, he got on with the cane and everything,
and so he got onto the front of the whole shebang.
No dog, no dog.
When he said very clearly blind person, I was like,
now what are the signifiers here?
It's going to be a big black, blacked out glasses.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A big celebrity head sign saying blind on his little sign.
So he walks onto the tram with a cane and, you know,
causes a little bit of commotion because everyone wants to be polite.
Everyone gets up and goes, oh, I'll help you and whatever.
And so then someone gets up and he can have the seat at the front
of the tram with this other guy who doesn't get up.
So this old lady sort of gets up and goes, you can sit here
and I'll stand up, this old lady.
Everyone else trying to help you staying firmly put with the notebook out guard.
This is cold.
I'm two or three seats behind, so it's being taken care of.
Chan man doesn't have to step in and save the day here.
It is a bit of a thing when you say there's the buffer of like,
am I in the zone where I should be getting up and doing something or am I?
I had that recently with the leaning.
You know on some trams you've got to lean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If no one's getting up for, say, a pregnant lady
or an elderly person, do you offer your lean?
Oh.
Oh, that bumper thing.
Yeah.
Where you're standing.
Your standing position.
You get a leany cushion.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got to do that, I guess.
Yeah, that's...
I'd never give up a leany thing because I think that's doing...
That's kind of doing nothing.
Does that help?
A leany cushion?
Yeah.
Yeah, a leany cushion's not that great.
It depends.
I would say for a pregnant woman, she'd appreciate the lean.
The leany cushion, yeah.
An old man might appreciate the lean.
The thing I always get freaked out about is going in to give what you perceive to be an elderly person.
I was just about to say that.
I mean, what if you've jumped?
You know what I mean?
What if they're touchy about it?
And they're like, 45.
What's old?
Is it 50 plus? Is it 50 plus?
Is it 60 plus? Just so everyone
knows, I've got more to my story. It wasn't that
a blind man walked onto the tram.
So there's more to come
in that story.
It's going to be real anticlimactic.
You're just that much of a bigot.
You're just like, hey guys, I saw a blind man.
I'm from the country. I've never seen one.
It's a testament to how well you told the intro.
How can there be anything after this?
That was a great story about seeing a blind man come.
You can't blame us for fighting the train.
So invigorating.
By the way, part two of the story will be told live on stage at Koh Samui
at the Burger Joint in an L-shaped restaurant.
If you want to come along and hear the end, it's in June next year.
The Leaney thing is the L-shaped veranda of the tram.
I'm just going to say it.
The issue with the Leaney is that they're not leaning forward,
so you're standing sideways.
So that is the end of my story now.
Sorry, I have ten more things I'd like to say.
But I do just have a question for Broden.
Is this all you just trying to excuse your guilt
for not getting away from a leaning section?
Well, I want to answer your question with two questions.
Oh, good.
The further away from my blind man story, the better.
This reminds me of a story I heard last night.
Is it better for me to say, no, I'm not moving,
because someone in a seat should give up their seat?
Yeah.
So, damn it.
So, damn it.
Yeah, that's it.
That's the fair point.
Because if you've got to give up a lean-y position, that's a pretty packed tram.
Yeah.
So, there's a lot of people that can potentially give up their position before you.
But my worry is I feel like I'm almost bald enough to start getting seats off at different times.
That's my big fear is like-
When you get on a tram, do you take your hat off just to get a better seat?
Here's my theory on that bald fellow.
Yes.
Fellow bald fellow.
Yep.
When you go bald young, you look young into your 30s.
You look younger in the long run.
This is something you said into the mirror every morning look younger in the long run. Tommy, that's a lie.
Is this something you said into the mirror every morning?
Not in the mirror.
I can know because that's a very 90s percentile.
I've got a phone with a camera on it.
Oh, yes, do it.
The selfie you take every morning.
You look into your selfie and you say,
you're going to look beautiful into your 30s,
and it was the seated people's fault.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's got the shiniest forehead of them all?
When you've got no hair, you look younger.
You look like you're 30, but you look like you're 30.
I was looking for a rhyme.
There should be a rhyme there.
It's like you're trying to train a dog.
When you're 30, none will compare.
Yes, yes, exactly.
Mark, how old is your dad?
My dad is, I think, 62, 63.
Doesn't look a day over 50.
To be fair, he doesn't look a day over 50.
He's a very good-looking man, but he was bald at the age of 21.
There we go, boys.
Yeah, very bald.
And then he wore a toupee for a number of years.
Did he really?
Oh, yes.
Yes, he did.
And it was very bad.
And I told his new wife he's getting married soon.
He's found a new bride.
I've got a new mum.
Maybe this one will help you move.
The old one was rubbish.
And, yeah, we were telling her about how Dad used to wear a toupee
and he got very embarrassed and kept trying to, like,
it was only for, like, four years.
And I was like, bullshit, motherfucker.
It's like ten years minimum.
He got real upset.
Now I've got to say, that would be my fear as a bald ing man
about having a child.
Like having a, you know, he must look at you.
I mean, you know, a Mark Banana with that thick, luscious head of...
All over his head, in every angle, really, really rubbing it in.
Must drive him crazy.
He could give you a little piggyback and use your beard as a toupee for the rest of his head.
You're not going to go bald.
I've got thin hair, but I don't think I'm going to...
You've had thin hair as long as I've known you, though.
Yes, yeah, that's true.
I don't think I'm going to go bald.
I hope not, because that would be awful.
That would be gross.
I'd kill myself.
When I started going bald, I was like 22 and the hair started to thin
and I was literally, I was like, this is the end of my life.
I was so upset.
Anyway.
Get this in front of 500 of the crocs.
Yeah, play crooks Play this
That's so funny
Imagine listening to this
But with a sunburn in Thailand
This would be fucking great
I've always found that to be like
It's such a weird gender thing
That it's just a thing that genetically is in men
That isn't in women
And it's like if women went bald as well
That would just be the world that we live in
And it wouldn't be weird do you know what I mean
yeah
we'd find a way to make it okay for us
yeah
it's what we do as men
so let's not
forget about that
you're absolutely right
so you saw a blind man on a tram
yeah yeah
man I'm so glad you remember all the way back then.
Was that on this episode or the last time?
The last time we did it.
Oh, this is going to be so good.
We've been waiting 45 minutes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I see this blind character on the tram.
Is it like a Borat?
Yeah, blind dat.
Yeah, yeah.
Blind con the fruiter.
I don't know where my wife is.
So he gets onto the tram with the whole shebang, the stick and everything.
I love how many times we've just heard the same details.
I really hope that this is the end of the story more or less.
Well, you say the whole shebang, but no dog.
And like a dog with the whole shebang.
Yeah, you're right, you're right.
Part of the shebang.
He gets on with part of the shebang.
I reckon there's three parts to the shebang he gets on with part of the shebang i reckon there's three
parts to the shebang right the dark glasses yes the cane the dog all right so he sounds like he
gets on with no no he doesn't have the glasses yeah yeah he's got the 33 of the shebang so when
you said he has the whole shebang you meant he has a well to be fair he also can't see so that's
got to be part of the shebang. That's true.
Describe his eyes to me.
You know what they look like.
Did he have closed eyes?
No, he had open eyes.
He had open eyes.
Right, right. So, okay.
I'm trying to get a picture here because, you know,
I had the whole shebang in my head.
Yeah, I know.
I'll paint a different picture.
And now I've got a man with a stick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who could be faking it.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not saying he is.
But you're saying it's because eyes are open.
For a second, you did make me doubt myself.
It could be just a bushwalker.
Yeah, yeah.
It could be just a bushwalker.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm really hoping the punchline is just like you get to it and it's like,
and he sees with the stick.
He can see walls.
No, no, you're going to like the end of this story. Oh, I with the stick. He can see walls.
You're going to like the end of this story.
I'm excited.
If we stall this for another half hour,
the end of the story can be the end of the podcast.
I'm feeling good about it.
We don't have to have another story.
If we can stretch this out for long enough,
this can just be the man with the stick episode.
Episode.
That's fine.
For the love of God.
Please go on.
Love your work, Broden, by the way.
He's up doing the fan work.
Broden is doing fanning work out here.
I'm just scared he's missing vital elements of the man with a stick story.
Yeah, your shit.
And his cunt story.
Yeah.
Because he's on the other side of the door closing and opening it.
He's just going, blind man.
Yeah.
Oh, she made it.
Yeah.
Broden, while you were away trying to fan Samir into this room,
the story has gone absolutely nowhere.
I honestly thought Broden might have gone out to try and find a stick
to walk into this room and recreate the story.
Well, that's what sketch is, really.
We act out the jokes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is like cars out the front of the 7-Eleven with the motor running.
We're in there just getting snacks, just taking our time.
Funny guys.
Do you remember a time
before 7-Elevens?
Yeah, I grew up in Maribor in a country town
and we didn't have anything like that.
All the shops are closed at 6 o'clock.
Do you think Matthew Delvedova
will still be around for the next Olympics
as a Maryborough local?
For the next Olympics? But the next Olympics is not
that far away, is it? It's 2020.
I'm just actively trying to digress. Okay, that's fine.
But yes. I don't remember a time before.
But we are going to Maryborough for a live podcast
in two months' time. No way.
Your fan base probably knows this, and I may have even
said on the last one, but is it true there's two
Maryboroughs in Australia? Yes.
There's a big one in Queensland.
Queensland. And Victoria's
Maryborough got the big train station
that they were supposed to get.
Is that real?
That's the story.
And whether I've told you that before or not,
oh, really, you just know that one.
It's a great story.
Is that real?
Yeah, because we've got a massive train station.
It's so fucking big.
A huge one and no trains.
There's no trains running.
That's amazing.
It's like Flinders Street.
Yeah, exactly.
It really is.
It's got a huge platform.
I'm not exaggerating.
Yeah, and the town is 8,000 people.
Wow.
I've got to say, that is the best story that ever has
or ever will be told on this podcast.
So no more stories.
No more stories from now on, guys.
Yeah, no more stories.
We're done with stories.
They're kind of focused.
Like, that would be the most focussedly built station ever
because they just focused on it so much and they built it
and they built it and then it wasn't until they're done that it was done
that they went, oh no.
Hang on, there's no tracks here.
You're forgetting this is a time
for emails, mate. A couple of emails would have
fixed this.
I've been in a few email chains that
probably would have made it more confusing.
I bet there's a few people listening and their
workplace is a bit like that.
I'm looking at a few email chains like that right now.
So these people, they're so focused on the train tracks
that at no point do they think to turn around
and notice the fact that there's fuck all people behind them.
What's going on?
And they also have a notice that they check the timetable.
There's no way of leaving the town on a train.
They got there on a bus and they've got a bus ticket to get out of there.
Do you have a fan base that if we mention something like that,
someone will go research that?
Totally.
Yeah.
Well, I would love to know the answer.
You could just make up the fact that you want it to be
and then they'll just go and edit the Wikipedia to make that the case.
It's kind of easy.
We've ruined Manu's life from our podcast.
Graham Manu, the South Australian cricketer.
No, Manu Fidel.
His life was ruined by us.
And pies.
A couple of frothies.
Manu Fidel, the French chef from Sydney and Melbourne.
My Kitchen Rules.
My Kitchen Rules, more specifically.
A show I don't watch.
Ready, Steady, Cook.
Never heard of it.
Well, yeah.
And I play him on our podcast podcast and people have edited his Facebook page
to say that.
And the whole thing is a 9-11.
He's responsible for 9-11.
So that's now on his Wikipedia.
Learn to take a joke.
I'm scared of your fan base.
Oh, yeah.
You told me that.
Well, I think when we were in Montreal, there was something.
We were in Montreal together at the Just for Laughs Festival.
I forget the details, but we mentioned Dum Dum or you mentioned Donna on a podcast,
and then there was a feed somewhere where one of your fans was,
I'm going to fucking kill them.
Oh, really?
That's an exaggeration probably, but they were really sharp,
like fuck their shit podcast.
Oh, really?
That's fair.
And I was like.
That's a nice change from them
saying that about our podcast to be fair they just got lost on the way to our page and i know and you
were like we should start a funny like donna dumdum rival i was like i would probably end with
me taking my own life cyber bullied to death i'm really scared of her i hope they're enjoying the
episode quickly i think i talked about this on an episode not long after, Zach,
but you saw me the night that we got to Montreal where I was jet lagged
and I said to you one of the most embarrassing things
that I've ever said to another human being.
What was that?
Which was I'd had a bit to drink and I was jet lagged
and I was just going, just fucking holding court,
chewing your ear off about how fucked up I felt.
And I said to you, you told me the next day that I looked really earnestly into your eyes
and said, I've never felt like this before.
Which is just, even now reliving it, it's so embarrassing.
You were like a teenage girl who's just drunk a bottle of port.
First night on the Black Rats.
Just like so fucking embarrassing.
Do you remember what you were talking about?
Like, were you saying, like, you were in Montreal doing comedy?
No, no, it was the particular kind of drunk.
It was, like, having not slept.
Because it was, like, we got there straight from the airport,
started drinking, so it was, like, jet lag plus sleep deprivation
plus the alcohol.
And it was, like, I couldn't tell which one you know which one was uh
you know taking the most blame there and and you know so the fact that i'm just you know giving you
all this detail suggests that it was probably the alcohol doing most of the heavy lifting
but uh but yeah i was you were phenomenal you had i can't describe it in any real way but it was this
glassy eyed kind of you're articulate you, you were, like, talking about your trip,
what you were excited about.
I felt fucked, but I still felt like I had a very clear vision
through the fog.
Do you know what I mean?
It was like I had these, like, binoculars where I could see
that I was fucked, but I could see just beyond me being fucked.
Very close to Gus as well, because we go all the way to Montreal
to rub shoulders with the hobnobs of the world of comedy,
and then we hang out with you guys
and then whoever else from Australia we could find.
And you guys were all sharing a hotel room as well, correct?
You were all sleeping in the same room like we were?
We choose that now.
That's by choice.
It started as like, oh, that's a nuisance, and now we've come to love it.
We just get one big king bed.
You guys got your own rooms.
We get a king bed, and the more people we travel with, the merrier.
Oh, great.
It's become my favourite part of the year.
You've got to have a promo photo of all you guys in bed together,
you know, Friends style.
I'm sure there's fucking one of them somewhere.
I feel like we've done most promo shots now.
Yeah, we've done every promo shot that can be done.
You hit year five, I think.
There's only five.
The old saying, there's only five promo shots.
I can't remember if I've said this
on the show before, but you know what I always find weird is when they have
promo shots for a drama series
or a comedy, and it's like
all the characters in suits are in some zany
thing, and it's like, so what
reality of the show
is this taking place in? Do you know what I mean?
Every sitcom should have an episode
where they have to justify the promo shot from the sitcom.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, you know, all the friends,
and friends, when they're fucking around with that water fountain,
they never go to a water fountain.
There should have been, like, one episode.
They're also aware of the cameras.
Yes, exactly.
What is happening?
No, but you know what kills me about that
is that friends is that chockers with jokes.
No one ever fucking laughs at any of the jokes.
All they're doing, Chandler's banging them out.
No one ever laughs at him.
He's still trying them?
Yeah.
It's like, he should be crushed by now.
Chandler would be, like, suicidal.
Like, he's coming out there trying his hardest.
If you do that many jokes without getting a laugh, you're a cunt.
Like, you're not a good guy.
And the reality is it's like so the audience are laughing,
but so to fill time with that, the other characters in the scene
just sit there and mute.
So he says stuff and then all his friends just go silent for 10 seconds
and then someone else just goes, let's go to the park.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember there was a particular one in Everybody Loves Raymond years ago.
I can't remember the episode or anything,
but it was just this big, big laugh.
The dad had said something. It was really,
really funny. It was this huge laugh.
And it was literally, I just had this moment where I'm like,
this is six people standing around
the dinner table saying nothing.
Like, in world, it's the most surreal.
You just lost their shit giving a standing ovation.
But if you cut that out, there's six people
staring at each other.
My favourite thing about
Friends is I saw saw when it came back
into syndication for a little bit, because the episodes were a bit
too long and I wanted to squeeze more ad time in,
any time the characters weren't talking and just moving,
they sped up the footage.
Really?
On TV, yeah.
So, like, when, like...
This is a known thing.
Really?
Yeah, so, like, Chandler will, like, drop one of his classic one-liners
or Joey will drop one of his classic one-liners or Pholer will drop one of his classic one-liners or Joey will drop one of his classic one-liners
or Phoebe will drop one of her classic one-liners.
Or?
Ross will drop one of his classic one-liners.
Or?
Rachel will drop one of her classic one-liners.
I can't remember the other cunt's name.
Don't forget Gunter, brother.
Yeah, Gunter.
And then, yeah, they go to answer the door.
Oh, wow.
It's incredible to see. They've just Benny-heeled it a little bit. Yeah, yeah, they go to answer the door, but it's just like. Oh, wow. It's incredible.
They've just Benny-heeled it a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, but they tried to do it subtly enough so that it's not.
Clearly, it's not a joke.
Like when people.
You're starting to hear this now where people are listening to podcasts
in 1.5 time to listen to more podcasts.
So they're just doing that with friends now.
That's amazing.
To listen to a podcast at 1.5 time?
Yeah.
Yeah. Have you not podcast at 1.5. Yeah. Yeah.
Have you not heard of this?
We've been hearing about it with some of our listeners,
but there was a legitimate article online on news.com.au.
Yes, yes.
Oh, legitimate.
Yeah, very legitimate.
Hey, what's more legitimate than the biggest news broker in the country?
That's true.
So, yeah, that's the thing.
People listen to it way faster just to get through it.
I don't know why.
Like, I almost think we should record an episode of this where we go extra slow.
At half speed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we just say, so this is for you.
I feel like we're already doing that story very slow anyway.
I'd like to do an episode where we put canned laughter in.
So we only have to do like 20 minutes of material,
the rest is just people, a studio audience.
More of us staring at each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's why Sopranos is the best television show ever made
because the start, you know, opening theme is just him driving home
and he would do that every day.
Right.
So you go, I've never watched an episode of Sopranos,
but I know it's the best show ever made. There's a man, he's driving home. Yeah. Right. So you go, I've never watched an episode of The Sopranos, but I know it's the best show
I've ever made.
There's a man, he's driving home.
Yeah.
Great.
This fits in.
That's real.
Thank you.
Yeah, Seinfeld works.
He's doing stand-up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Simpsons is kind of the same.
They're driving back to the house.
Yeah.
That's true.
They're on a crazy adventure.
So your theory is, Broden, the more boring a show is, the better it is because it's realistic.
Well, I want truth.
Right.
I want that in my day-to-day interactions with Tommy Dassolo,
Carl Chandler.
I want that with my boys in my comedy group.
Name them.
Truth.
What are their names?
Beard Boy and Weird Pirate.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
I don't want to get into a whole thing about it,
but I can see the amount of sweat coming off his eyes.
I am schvitzing up a storm here, boys.
I'm going to do the door again.
Just thinking about those shorts in a box.
Just thinking about them sitting there.
But you're right.
See, that's what you want is you want the mix of,
you want the perfect mix of, like, long intro,
like where you want a great song.
So if you're sitting there if you are watching it you
get that that's great sopranos music every episode you're loving that that's great but it also goes
for a long time so if you watch the cold open and then you go you know what i kind of need to take
a piss you can go to the toilet not have to pause it just let the theme song run out you're good to
go when you get back well everyone everyone thought like with the lost remember the lost
titles or it was that one shot of the title?
Everyone thought, oh, with Netflix, that's how titles are going to go.
But they didn't go that way, did they?
I want you guys to discuss this.
Now, you have a background in graphic design.
What are your thoughts on titles?
I've never seen Lost.
Our intro should go longer.
We should have a TV show style intro that goes for like a minute and a half.
It's a little song about the two of us.
Yeah, yeah, a very The Nanny about the two of us. Yeah, yeah.
A very The Nanny style theme song.
Yes.
Yeah, let's get that going.
Let's get Josh Earl to do one of those songs.
Yes, that's a very good idea.
Yeah, I'm ready to reboot our thing.
I like that Hello Black song.
I'm ready for a change.
Let's get a new theme song for one of the upcoming live episodes,
maybe the Marabara one.
Okay, sure.
We'll have a new intro theme song.
Have you recently moved your Patreon thank yous to the back end?
Yes.
We have.
I reckon put them up front and make it go for three times longer.
I think we do that already.
Yeah, that kind of happens.
Yeah.
I think that's how people invented the 1.5 times podcast,
just trying to speed through that bit.
On the candle, I have to think very quickly.
Now, I remember being a young kid and seeing episodes
and not every episode would have it
but some episodes of the Flintstones
and it's like Scooby Doo and stuff
and being a kid
and not knowing how things work, not knowing that
the answer is, oh they just put it in
honestly is a kid going
how's this work?
Trying to work out now, is there like a live audience
when they do the voices? Yeah, when they're drawing it.
Or are they, yeah,
they have the camera going really fast,
just like doing all the shots of the drawings.
Like, very confusing stuff.
Scooby-Doo was on the, you know,
was doing really cool shit.
Like, Batman and Robin came and helped them solve them at once.
Yeah.
We want you to discuss that.
What are your thoughts on?
That's great.
I know there's like
Warner Brothers doesn't want to
Overutilise characters and stuff
But if Batman just showed up in
Like a whole bunch more shit
I know I think
The other way around
Scooby Doo
In JLA
Well there's a
Batman Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles crossover
That's going on
Is it real?
No no no A comic book It's's going on. Is it real? No, no, no, a comic book.
Oh, a comic book, yeah.
Yeah, it's been going on for quite a while.
Yeah.
That's a hot take.
The new On Injustice 2, which is a video fighting game, Carl.
Yes, I have it.
Yeah, the new download pack.
You can get some new characters to download.
You get the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I am not shitting in your mouth right now, bro.
That's very cool.
But if you would like me to shit in your mouth, you need but not ask.
Oh, believe me, I've shared a king bed with you.
I know what I can and cannot have.
I find it hard to believe that Batman would tolerate hanging out with the Ninja Turtles.
It wouldn't put up with Mikey's shit, that's for sure.
Him and Raph would get along really well.
He's a stern, stoic guy, and then he's got these four dickheads mucking around.
Yeah, Bruce Wayne doesn't need to go to some shitty pizza party or whatever the fuck they pull.
Eating pizza in the fucking sewerage pipes.
Yeah, cool.
I'm a millionaire.
You come around here for the meeting.
It's just going to be easy.
He's like, no, I live in the manchee.
Hey, you come here.
It's like, there's one of you, there's four of us.
You come here.
It's easier if you come here.
On the Ninja Turtle, obviously you'd want to be Bruce Wayne,
have a big house, but have the underground, you know.
He's got the cave.
Is that underground or is that just a cave?
A cave's above ground, isn't it?
Okay, okay, all right.
Yeah, that's true.
Mark has a tattoo of Batman on his arm.
I'm going to go to him for that.
Is the Batman cave, and it is called the Batman cave.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that above ground or underground?
Is the cave above ground?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
What do you mean?
Is it above the ground or is it below the ground?
The Batman Cave.
You can walk into an above ground cave.
But there can be.
It's under the mansion.
Yeah.
So is that, how far up's the mansion though?
But I would argue.
We're talking sea level.
Right.
So the mansion floats in the air.
So the mansion's on top of like a giant mountain that the cave is in.
No, I don't think so.
Doesn't matter.
Boys, doesn't matter.
Hey, you're the one with the tattoo.
But this is the thing.
These new movies, they're showing us again and again
as parents getting shot in the alleyway.
We get it.
Spend more time on the architecture of the fucking cave.
That's what we really want to know.
That's what you're not going into.
Isn't the roof of every cave ground?
Yeah.
That's why I was confused.
Yes, you're right.
Dude, that is so deep.
Thank you. Love it, man. So I was on a train, you're right. Dude, that is so deep. Thank you.
Love it, man.
So I was on a tram.
It's a cave.
All right, boys.
Batman.
Bats.
Blindness.
Blind as a bat.
Blind man on the tram.
I did just want to mention there is another interesting crossover.
Yes.
No, genuinely, I want to get straight to it, but it was just in my head.
But there is a, I don't know how many people are aware of this,
but there is a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Justice League crossover
as well in existence, which I haven't read and is, I'm sure,
wildly awful.
But it's just fascinating to see, like, Superman and the Red Ranger
fighting like a big dinosaur together.
It's really strange.
And it's the originals.
It's Kimberly and Tommy.
Oh, really?
They're all back.
Yeah, Jason and Billy.
Aren't they like 45 now?
Or is this just picking up where the show left off?
No, no, I think they're young guns.
I think they're high school students.
Didn't one of them die in real life?
Yeah, an actor.
Yeah, I think he got a drug.
No, I don't think it was an original.
Did you hear one of the Morphin rangers died? I think he got a drug. No, I don't think it was an original. Did you hear one of the Morphin Rangers died?
I think he got a drug.
He got a drug.
Oh, he's a drug boy.
He got a drug.
He's a little drug boy.
Please tell the tram.
He died of a drug.
You tell the tram and I'll look up Morphin Rangers.
Google a drug and see what you get.
I got another sweet crossover for you guys that's happening.
A blind man and a trans teaming up together at last.
To create content.
Oh, but the strangest crossover.
Yes. I'm genuinely not trying to.
I did not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I just remembered that recently they did a Looney Tunes DC Universe crossover.
That's great.
And they did a Batman Alma Fudd comic.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which was a whole thing.
Yeah.
I didn't read it.
They're doing a bunch of weird DC stuff.
Oh, what about this for a crossover?
I've just thought of it.
Right?
Get this.
Looney Tunes.
Oh, yeah.
Bugs Bunny with a fucking flower pot on his head.
Depressed death.
Killing himself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shit that doesn't make sense.
And then when people go, this doesn't make sense, he just goes, meh.
What's up, doc?
I think Lunig is anti-VAC.
He is anti-VACs.
I don't think I've ever said this on record.
I think he's anti-cartoon.
Yeah, anti-talent.
Yeah.
The marriage equality thing, which was just his little nose men that spelt out no, yes, no, yes.
And everyone was like, what does this mean?
He's done it again.
He just said nothing.
He's like, you figure it out.
It is the most bewildering thing I've ever seen.
It's the stupidest piece of shit.
Fuck you.
People hang shit on Garfield.
Fucking Garfield is way better than that.
Jesus. Garfield is way better than that. Jesus.
Garfield is way better than that.
He takes a stance on marriage equality.
Yeah, by having John drink cum in the middle of a comic strip.
That's right, he does.
He would be fine with a little lasagna marrying a little lasagna.
So, just before you do, I'm sorry.
You go and then I'll go.
I'll go, you go, and then I think we might be at the end of the podcast.
This isn't funny at all The Yellow Ranger
Good that we're being interrupted by it
Don't stress
The Yellow Ranger
Passed away in a car accident
Do you really pass away in a car accident?
Wait
Wait
So the Yellow Ranger passed away in a car accident
I gotta say
Yeah that's not passing away.
I've got to say, should have caught the tram.
Exactly.
That reminds me of a great story.
There's fatalities on trams.
Is there?
You're not safe just like safe.
I saw an SUV knocked over by a tram.
I thought a bomb went off behind me.
It was real fucked up.
Yeah, there's deaths on trams.
You know when people die on a plane and they sort of have to
sort of chuck a blanket over the top? They would do the same
on a tramp. They'd just have a blanket to chuck
over someone on the tramp. They've got a big tramp
sized blanket. Yeah, yeah.
The death of the tramp.
The whole tramp. Like a budgie cage.
You know when they put the blanket on. Did you ever tell this?
Recently I was on an overseas flight
and we'd just taken off
and they'd just done the turn the seat belt off.
How'd you get that?
Very nice.
Yeah, thank you.
Someone came over the speaker and went, oh, we've got an issue.
Is anyone on board a doctor?
And, like, we've just taken off.
Like, let's just go back.
It's like a 10-hour flight or something.
Yeah.
Well, maybe it wasn't severe.
Maybe it was just someone who, I don't know,
had a scavenger hunt form they had to fill out.
It was a scare.
We were on a flight.
It's my kid's school, I need to find a doctor.
San Fran to Austin and someone screamed at the back of the plane,
is there a doctor on the plane?
That was the scariest moment I've ever had in my life.
It was very intense.
And they were sitting next to Sam Lingam, our writer-director.
Hey, look, it wasn't a good riff, but the most important thing,
it delayed the story for another two minutes.
That's right.
At the end of the day, that's all any of us can hope for.
All right, tell your story.
Is this it?
We've got to do it.
Don't recap.
I've only put three hours in the meter out the front,
so we'd better get to it.
Just the hot info.
We'd better get to it.
Hey, boys.
Can we do a little drum roll?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're about to head into act two, I think.
Yeah, so. I can't remember where I was up to.
So, look, I'll say this.
All you've said is there was a blind man on a tram.
I'll say this.
I'll say this.
There was a blind guy who gets on the tram with about 10% of the shebang.
Right, right.
Gets on there, can't see.
There's not 10 things.
Yeah, it's true.
Well, there's... Budgie guard. Budgie guard. Yeah, can't see. There's not 10 things. Yeah, it's true. Budgie guard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We think it's 33.3 recurring.
Of the shebang.
But his eyes don't work, so surely that's a part of it.
So it's 25.
It's inherent.
Right, okay.
That's pretty shebang.
Yeah, that to me, is that the shebang?
You can't really need to qualify for the shebang at all.
You can't be like a seeing eye man going,
I'm a shebang with a blind man.
But I suppose the question then is,
if a man with sight has sunglasses, a dog and a stick,
is he at 100% shebang?
He is, he is.
That's 110% shebang.
Whether he can see is irrelevant.
Yeah, that's true.
Have I told this before, that we, growing up,
had a golden Labrador?
Excuse me, but I think I was trying to tell a story that you've so really interrupted.
I love doggos.
This is weird.
Dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog.
We had a golden Labrador growing up.
Traditionally, the breed that is used as the guide dog.
And my dad went out once.
That reminds me of something.
My dad went out once with sunglasses on,
and people thought he was blind.
He was like, hey, I kind of like this.
So then he started playing up to it.
Oh, what?
He deliberately started doing it.
What?
What did it get him?
He had to get benefits.
He just liked the way people treated him.
Do you see, actually,
this story might end up being about your dad, to be honest.
Well, my dad has too much of the shebang to qualify for this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fair.
That's very fair.
Let's do this.
All right.
So we're doing this?
Okay.
So this guy, this guy gets on.
I'm trying to start a trouble.
The guy gets on with the cane, nothing else, with the cane, whatever percentage of shebang
that is, gets on.
Right.
He gets on.
Someone, an older lady gets up, gives a seat to him.
Everyone fusses about him, whatever, except for one bloke who doesn't bother.
He sits there.
I'm sitting a couple of seats back.
I'm just watching.
We're all watching.
So this old lady gets up and then just takes another seat,
which I found a little bit odd that she could barely walk to sort of take her seat up.
But cool.
Cool of her.
So the guy sits down.
We are racing through the story.
Yeah.
Whiplash.
1.5.
Talk about Whiplash.
Have you guys seen that superb film, Whiplash? It's a great film. So I'm. 1.5. Have you guys seen that superb film Whiplash?
It's a great film.
So I'm forcing it in now.
So the guy is sitting there, right, and I continue watching
because I'm like, this is a little bit odd.
Like it all smells a little bit odd to me, right?
And I'm watching the guy that doesn't even bother getting up.
World's greatest detective.
Yeah, the guy's giving him fucking donuts. And I'm like, everyone else has made a fuss except for him. I'm watching him guy that doesn't even bother getting up. And he's given the greatest detective. Yeah, the guy's given him fucking donuts.
And I'm like, everyone else has made a fuss except for him.
I'm watching him for 10 minutes, right,
until the guy he's sitting next to just sort of, like,
puts his head up and swings around and goes, oh, is that you, Graham?
And the guy goes, yeah, it is.
And then I notice that the other guy sitting next to him has got a cane as well.
And they've been sitting together for 10 minutes without knowing that they're actually really good mates.
Wow.
And then they start going, oh, fuck, I thought I should have known it was you.
I smelt something weird and I was like, oh, that's Graham.
And it was.
I smelt something weird.
Wow.
So they ended up being really good mates.
But for 10 minutes they sat there without saying a word to each other.
This would have been such a great launching pad for so many wonderful stories and anecdotes.
So my point being, so they end up getting off the tram together and I see them walking down the street and everything.
I'm like, oh, well, that's sort of really nice.
And so that was my way to work.
And on the way back from work, I decided not to get on the tram and I walked home instead and what I saw on the walk on the way home was a huge mental guy with a
helmet on masturbating a stop sign.
He was holding onto a stop sign with both arms and he was rubbing it up and down really
vigorously.
I thought what you were going to say was, and then what I saw on my way home was the
two men had been hit by a car.
Trying to cross the road.
I wish compared to the guy in the helmet masturbating a stop sign,
that would have been nice.
Yeah, wow.
So those two stories kind of cancelled each other out there. Exactly.
It seems like what you learnt from both being in those stories
and the telling of those stories is that it's about the journey,
not the destination.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly. Because the other thing was the guy that it's about the journey, not the destination. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.
Because the other thing was the guy that was masturbating the stop sign, as I walked up,
and I could see him doing it from 40 metres away.
As I got really close to him, he made direct eye contact and went, hey, you're going.
As he was masturbating the stop sign.
He keeps saying he was masturbating.
It was nothing else.
Like he had two hands and his arms around the pole, rubbing it up and down.
But that means that you're saying that in his head he thinks there's a point
of working the stop sign to ejaculate.
Yes.
Right.
Were you tempted to stop and see his long-term plan with this?
Well, you know what?
I was a little bit offended because the sign literally said stop
as he was doing it and he kept going.
This is the most un-woke mental block I've ever heard of.
I just realised that that's quite funny.
You've had a while to think about it.
Oh, what a wonderful time.
This is the hottest room in the world.
This is the hottest room in the world.
I reckon we'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club.
Aunty Donna, thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you.
Always a pleasure.
You guys are probably pretty close to announcing a tour and all that stuff for next year.
That all goes on sale soon, right?
All of that.
All the festivals.
I reckon next year we're going to be wanting to sell a thing.
Oh, big call.
Buy it.
Yeah, that's right.
We're doing the thing.
We're doing something very different.
We're doing something very different.
You guys are going to do Rock of Stedford.
We're going to do Rock of Stedford.
You know what?
That's not far from...
It's pretty far.
But, you know, we're doing something a little bit different.
It's going to be...
Buy it.
Yeah, please buy it.
But if you follow us on all our social medias, you'll find we're doing something a little bit different. It's going to be... Buy it. Yeah, please buy it.
But if you follow us on all our social medias,
you'll find out about all this stuff.
Yeah, these guys have got heaps of awesome videos.
And your podcast.
Don't forget to mention your podcast as well.
It's fine.
Let them get into the other stuff.
Right, right, right.
The podcast is about depth rather than breadth.
It's trash.
Yeah.
But, yeah, check us out on YouTube.
Just search Aunty Donna.
We'll come up.
Yeah.
And go see a live show of these boys
because always
one of my highlights
of the show.
Totally.
Very spectacular live show.
Go and do that.
I am afraid of your fans
but I do like them.
I do want to clarify that
because the t-shirts
are out there a lot
and I'm always glad.
T-shirts are out there a lot
and your dad,
big fan of us.
He got us an air conditioner today.
Did he really?
Yeah.
Well, he gave us a cheap... Literally a big fan. Yeah. He got us an air conditioner today. Did he really? Yeah, well he gave us a cheap
literally a big fan.
We got all our stuff
on say a little dumdumclub.com
for all those details. Guys, thank you very much for joining
us and we'll see you next time.
See you mates.
And here we are at the end of
the episode. I am out of the
well that I've been trapped in for the last hour.
It's good to be back.
Did it just sound like it was really faint?
Yeah, I sound kind of echoey.
I sound like I'm off mic even though I was talking directly into it.
But we got there and no one knew how to use it.
We fucking used their podcast studio.
How did we get a worse sound out of a podcast studio
than we have out of your fucking sharehouse lounge room here?
It's a great question.
Was it just a big sketch called Let's Fuck Up Someone Else's Podcast?
Maybe, yeah.
Maybe when they do the gala next year, it'll just be like video of that hour projected onto the screen.
When they do the gala, they'll shit on the microphones and just make it a terrible broadcast for TV.
I thought this was a fun ep.
Yeah.
I enjoy hanging out with those boys a lot.
Good fun.
Yeah.
I thought most of us had a lot of fun in that episode.
I think it's fun because they're a little team and we're a little team.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Usually it's just us kind of bringing two random people in.
But it's always fun when we do something with people that kind of already have a relationship
and then it's just us trying to work out how we merge those two forces together.
That's it.
Like Scooby-Doo in teaming up with the Harlem Globetrotters.
Yeah, yeah, exactly like that.
Which one were we?
We're Scooby-Doo because we're just like – I'm the dog
and you're just like the fucking my little stoned mate.
And we don't know what – we're scared.
We just don't know what's going on.
And then they're turning up and doing dunks on us
and fucking throwing the ball, you know, from centre court.
And I'm going, oh, dumb cunt.
How long has it been since you've seen an episode of Scooby-Doo?
Isn't that how Scooby-Doo talks?
Yeah, kind of.
But it's like you've got the voice,
but then you seem to have no idea of anything he would actually say.
No, but that was me as Scooby-Doo within the podcast.
Right.
Okay.
That's comedy.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, no, that was a fun episode.
I felt like it was a bit of a fight at the start,
not in terms of like us versus them,
but we were sort of feeling each other out and then we got the rhythm
and then we got right into it.
It was fun.
And it was – this comes up, but it was a billion degrees in that room.
Yep.
Anyway, good times.
Yep, very fun.
Hope you guys enjoyed it.
Yep.
A bit of Bikram podcasting.
So, hey, thanks, guys.
Thanks for hanging around.
I hope you guys – thanks to everyone.
You know what?
Thanks to everyone that comes out to the live shows.
We've been doing live shows lately and a lot of people come out and want to hang out and have a talk and talk about how they got into it and all that sort
of stuff and hey bring it on we love it it's great it's um we really appreciate everyone coming out
making it worth our while to come nothing worse than going somewhere and people not turning up
and going what the fuck did we do this for you know what this bit of the show has become you
know those shows how they have like the walking dead and then they have like the talking dead
afterwards where they just discuss what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is what that is on this podcast except it's just the exact same people
doing it.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not outside.
Talking about themselves.
Yeah, it's not professional fans or anything.
It's just the same guys going, man, we've done it again.
Yeah.
So with Walking Dead becomes Talking Dead.
Breaking Bad became…
Yeah, I think it was just Talking Bad, wasn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
That should be the name of our podcast, to be fair.
Riffing Bad.
We need to get a second theme done up for this back end of the podcast.
So the episode ends and then the Riffing Bad theme plays.
Right, right.
And then we give this bit a bit of pomp and circumstance.
Yeah, yeah.
So we talk about what we thought.
But shouldn't we have a pun within?
Shouldn't there be like a little dum-dum club?
There should be a pun about what we're talking, you know, about talking or about...
I know, but it's hard though because to my knowledge,
the only ones of those shows that exist are already shows in which the word talking fits very well.
Yeah, I know.
They're just lucky that the two big ones that AMC does are Walking Dead and Breaking Bad.
Yeah, yeah.
So I don't know.
I mean, there must be other ones out there that we just haven't heard about.
Yeah, but people let us know.
What's your suggestion for the name of this back end where we go Inside Dum Dum?
Yeah.
Or is that what it's called?
Inside Dum Dum?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Anyway, so thanks very much.
And of course, please keep coming to the live shows.
We've said at the top of the episode, episodes we've got coming up, live episodes.
We've got Canberra.
We've got the Melbourne Patreon.
You've got this.
If you're hanging around for this and you enjoy this,
we're doing this live in Melbourne.
Go to the website for all the dates and details.
And we're going, most importantly, the two dream ones coming up next year,
Meribah, going to the sacred land,
and going to the even more sacred land of Koh Samui in June.
And you know what?
Look out.
I know this is a bit of a coming up,
but we're about to announce dates for a big bunch of live shows in Melbourne in June. And you know what? Look out. I know this is a bit of a coming up, but we're about to announce dates for a big bunch of
live shows in Melbourne in April that might happen within a certain festival.
I wouldn't say they're happening within a certain festival.
Concurrent to a certain festival.
Just a coincidence.
And I reckon we'll be off to Brisbane again, I would say.
And anything else?
Any other cities do you think we should go to?
Calcutta. Calcutta.
Calcutta, right.
Now, that would be a good one if you're talking pun names.
We could go and call it Calcunter.
Yeah, yeah.
Good for us.
Also, I think Dum Dum is like a town or something in India as well, isn't it?
Oh, yes, you're right, actually.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just had an idea of what this could be.
This could be the little Dum Dum Club Club. Oh, nice that's good that's not bad yeah yeah i'll take that into
consideration um sweet so all those things are coming up uh of course the t-shirts we sell
t-shirts at the live shows we sell t-shirts at the website they're always popular the classic
design the burger and the aware shirts are very very popular and of course we've got uh odds and
ends of uh all the other sort of
minor designs that we've done over the last couple of
years. So there's a bunch of still
Kosamui Podcast Festival stuff from
2017. We just ordered a new bunch of singlets
that aren't tied into
the podcast festival. They're just like nice singlets
that have got dum-dum in the design of
maybe a beer company. Another coincidence.
This just reminded me we're going to probably have to
do a 2018 design, aren't we?
Well, maybe.
Something to think about.
Maybe if we get rid of fucking some of these 2017 ones, maybe we will.
We've got the Andre Briutel shirts, which I've seen a few people wearing,
which I'm very happy with.
I think they look great.
Yes, yes.
So we've only got a limited run of those left.
So getting quick with that.
But, of course, this part of the show, the main part of it,
is us thanking you
guys for chipping in uh some of you guys you know you come to the live show sometimes if you're too
far away you like to put in by by giving us a bit of money via patreon.com slash little dumb dumb
club that you can go to via that or there's a link on our website uh that's the answer to everything
our website really isn't it so um you can do that and of course they like to chip in in that way um
so some some people like to do it all go go to live shows, get a T-shirt,
go into the Patreon.
But we like to thank – we try to get through everyone that subscribes,
and it's taking us quite a while, but we're making our way through it.
We've done everything we can to get through it.
So here is a bunch this week that we are going to do a bunch of names,
just like just a heap, just probably going to – we could go into double
or triple figures this week.
You know, that's how many we do.
You reckon?
Well, why not?
There's a lot of them.
There's a lot coming up.
We might, you know, why not use this week to get through, you know,
100 of them?
Well, I personally am a little bit OCD and I kind of like things to line up as much as they can.
Well, 100, what's wrong with that?
That's a very even number.
That's one of the most even numbers you can get.
Yeah.
You really reckon 100?
Well, why not?
I mean, we've got nothing better to do.
I mean, we do, but...
I was just going to say, you know...
Look, I don't know how long an episode should go for.
So, look, let's just do 100
and if you need to edit some of them out afterwards,
you can do that, I guess.
Okay?
So, let's do 100
and then I'll trust you to edit it down to a number
that fits within the episode.
That's so much work.
We're doing this the day before it goes out.
That's so much work for me.
No, it'll be fine.
It'll be fine.
Look, worry about that later.
Let's just, that way, you know what?
Because I had an idea for how many we should do ready to go,
and it's a little bit disappointing to not get to bring it up.
But no, okay, we can do 100.
Let's do 100.
Let's do 100.
Let's just do 100.
And you know what?
You pick the ones that are good out of that once you listen back.
So let's just do 100 and then figure it out later.
Okay.
All right.
So when you're listening to this, whatever number you hear,
you'll know that the rest, that's the number that we cut out.
Yeah.
That's the ones that weren't good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So say, for example, if you hear…
All right.
Let's get into it.
Okay.
We've got 100.
We've got 100.
We've got to…
Yeah. God, let's get into it. Okay. We've got 100. We've got 100.
God, let's get into this.
Okay.
Here we go.
Anyway, there's a lot of those that weren't good already.
Anyway, number 37.
This has been so long already.
Number 37.
Thank you. Can we make this the last one, please?
Thank you.
We've got like 63 or 64 to go.
Fuck.
I can just take a few out of the ones that we've already done.
Look, let's keep going.
I've got a feeling this is a good one.
Right.
Number 37.
Thank you to Patreon subscriber Toby Chapman.
Toby Chapman.
Yeah.
That's a name I recognise from the socials.
Always good to point that out.
T-O-B-I-E.
Now, I like that.
I don't.
You don't.
Don't fuck with the classics.
What's wrong with...
Why do you need to fucking get rid of the Y?
It's weird that this is the 38th name that we've done
and this is the first name that's come up
that has a slightly odd spelling to it.
You'd think that it'd be more common in 37 other names,
but here we are.
Yeah, I know.
Well, this is, you know what, you're right.
I reckon this is a keeper in that case.
We should keep this one in because that's interesting.
I'm feeling good about it so far.
That's interesting.
We've said a lot of good stuff about it already.
Chapo, Toby Chapman.
Hey, thanks, man.
I mean, look, I don't know what the fuck your parents are thinking
in trying to make you stand out.
Like, the names, you know, what's wrong with the names that exist already?
Just use those ones.
Is this, do you think this is a case of, do you think this is a girl's name?
Is this a girl?
Ooh.
Do you think, oh, hey, Toby Chapman or Toby Chapwoman, it is 2017.
Maybe, maybe.
I just think it, for some reason I've always seen it and thought I can see that being a,
I don't know.
Yeah.
The feminine version.
Something about that makes me think it's the lady version of Toe.
The feminine Toe-bye.
Okay.
Well, let us know Toe-bye.
Let us know if it is pronounced Toe-bye as well.
I'd like that a lot more.
You know what?
I'm back on board if it's Toe-bye.
Toe-bye.
Yeah, Toe-bye.
Saying Toe-bye to his or her cash.
Tob, see you later, mate.
Thanks, Chapo.
Thanks, Chappy.
Thank you.
All right, here we go.
And all right, there's been a few duds there.
Let's go on to number 49.
49, oh, man.
Nearly at the half ton, Toby.
Fuck. Toby. That was ages. Nearly at the half ton, Toby. Fuck.
Toby.
That was ages ago.
That was ages ago.
That was an hour and a half ago.
That was like 12 ago.
Sorry, Tommy, not Toby.
Man, this is...
I'll tell you what.
I don't think we should do 100 anymore next week.
You're forgiven, Crang.
Oh, that was the last one we did.
Oh, Crang.
That was... Number 48.'re forgiven, Krang. Oh, that was the last one we did. Oh, Krang. That was,
number 48.
Krang.
Krang.
I don't think Krang's funny enough
to make the cut.
No.
Something about it just,
let's get rid of Krang.
Oh,
I mean,
how did we fuck up Krang?
That should have been a funny name
to deal with.
Have I ever told this on the show
that there was a guy,
and it's weird that this,
this didn't come up
when we actually were talking about Krang,
but I've just remembered it.
Just a minute ago back for one second.
There was a guy at my high school a couple of years above me,
and his name was either Chris or Charlie.
C, and his last name was Ryan.
And he had the nickname Kran,
because he'd gone to write his name C. Ryan and spelt his own last name wrong.
Left the Y out.
Great.
Perfect high school nickname fodder.
You've fucked up.
It's just all there.
But I love that you've overlooked, like, his name is Crian.
You could have just dealt with that.
I know.
Yeah, but, you know, you've got to remember this is high school.
You know, depression isn't funny yet.
It's too real.
You're in the middle of it.
I, look, personally,
in terms of my taste, I love Crayon better than
Cryin' anyway. Yeah, same. Cryin' to me
sounds a bit obvious, but it's still funny.
It was Pergis' big, big
dopey looking dude, Crayon.
It was just perfect. Yeah, yeah. There was, um,
there was a
few people I went to school with that had nicknames
like that. Like, um, there was a guy, a friend of mine with that had nicknames like that like there was a
there was a guy
a friend of mine
at the time
that copped a lot of shit
for years
I reckon he copped shit
for at least 10 years
oh no sorry
it wasn't a friend of mine
it was another guy
that I didn't know
well but he goes
like it got to about
10 o'clock
10.30
at school
and he just put his hand
up to the teacher and they go,
yes, and he goes, I hungy.
And didn't mean it.
Great.
It was just fucked.
Great.
I hungy.
I hungy.
Yeah.
Well, this has been pretty good.
I feel like if I maybe, if I cut this out and then put it back into Krang,
then maybe that'll get it over the line.
No, no, no, get rid of Krang.
Get rid of Krang?
Number 49.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here's a name I know.
Okay.
Thank you to Patreon subscriber Bree Minto.
Bree Minto, yes.
I know her.
Yeah?
She, an old colleague of ours, correct?
Of ours?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Back in Channel 31? No. No? Channel Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Back in Channel 31?
No.
No?
Channel 10, wasn't she?
Oh, this is definitely how I know.
She works at the project.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And didn't she also work on, what was that show called that got axed that we both worked on?
Oh, yeah.
I'll narrow it down.
Oh, yeah, she may have.
Oh, no, yeah, she may have worked on it.
Or was she just working on the project at the time when that's where we saw her?
I remember she was at the wrap party for that.
So maybe she was involved or maybe she snuck in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, she definitely works for the project, so I see her a little bit.
Because when I work in the writer's room,
there's always the camera they've left it on in the studio.
And so she's a camera lady? operator operator all right all right operated lady
wow cool operated lady um and and so we see if we ever get any kind of like mainstream media gig
you are causing a social media backlash within 48 hours, I reckon. All publicity is good publicity.
You want that heat.
You want something, you know.
Wow.
Imagine the gumption. As Oscar Wilde once said, it's better to be talked about than be some fucking shit cunt
that's got nothing going on.
I have nothing to declare but the fact that I'm a cunt.
So, Brie Minto, co-worker at the project.
I'll be seeing her at the project Christmas party.
Oh, nice.
And thanking her for this subscription personally.
You want to give out the date and location of that?
It's in December.
Spoiler alert.
Wow.
It's at – let's hold it within the Patreon read.
Okay, not bad.
So you get all those guys down there, get all your colleagues down.
Yeah, get Waleed Ali to come in and do a bit of this stuff.
Carrie Bickmore loves to sort of call people a cunt, I reckon.
Yeah, she'd be right into it.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
She'd love a bit of Krang.
Yeah.
Krang.
I like the last name Minto.
I've always been into that.
Minto.
Yeah, just the mint bit, obviously.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, you like mint?
It's good when a name has like an actual real world kind of item hidden within it.
Because you hear that and you think fresh, refreshing, minty.
I would say one of, if I had to pick my most favourite food between the ages of five and ten,
I reckon I could narrow it down to the…
How many years is that?
That's roughly five.
Okay.
Yeah.
Anyway, back on track.
Let's say five.
Back on track.
I don't know why you try and get off the beaten track with this sort of stuff, Tommy.
Anyway, I reckon my favourite food from those years would be the Arnott's mint slice.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I've got a real fondness for the mint just because of that.
And then what happened at...
This begs the question.
What happened at age 10 to turn you off them?
I had a horrible experience with Mr Arnott and I never ate them again.
He stuck a tiny teddy up my arse.
Is this you publicly calling out Mr Arnott?
Is this the next one to go down?
Jesus Christ.
Sorry, I thought that was all pushed deep down inside me,
but it just came up then.
It seems like it definitely was.
That's part of the problem.
Oh, well, thanks, Bree.
Thanks, Bree.
Well, thanks in a way.
Yeah, thanks for triggering, Carl, that awful memory.
Not very cool, but anyway, not 100% your fault.
This is the great thing about this section.
If we say anything reprehensible here,
because it's all stemmed off someone's last name,
we just have the defence going, it's not us.
It was the guy called, you know, Dr Fuckknuckle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was just a story inspired by a listener.
Yeah.
That was their fault.
If that listener hadn't existed, we wouldn't have said that.
Yeah, so that's part of the hidden terms and conditions of subscribing to this on Patreon
is that you agree that if we go down, we're taking you with us.
Yep, yep.
There should be like, on Patreon, there should be like a terms and conditions bit that we
just hide it deep, deep, deep in.
Whatever fuck thing we say, it is your fault.
100%. I like the idea that you know if and when
the show ever comes to an end we we do a last episode so you think do you think there's a
possibility it will go forever i i gotta say it's starting to feel that way or do you just mean this
patreon read i like the idea that we do a finale seinfeld style where just everyone who's ever come
up over the course of the show that we've bagged out all wrong.
It's just this 10-hour episode right of reply.
Amazing.
And then, yeah, it's just an actual facsimile where we end up in jail as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Cancer doctors, my ex, the unnamed ethnic comedian, Peter Alexander.
Yeah, Narnia's got talent people.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Now, that's good.
Now, that's fan art I'd like to see.
Us in the courtroom.
Yeah.
And then just a whole, like, parade of witnesses.
Or us in hell.
Not bad.
Like we did the Sgt Pepper's album that time.
Yes.
What about if it was just like that
If it was like us at the bottom
And then everyone who hates us behind us
Yeah
But what they're going to hell as well
No no no but just all of their
Like the way it would be figured
It would be like us like cowering down the bottom
Okay
And then everyone else looking at us
Fucking with pitchforks
Yeah okay great great
Anyway
Anyway so that's the end of that one and we've still got 51 to go anyway.
Jeez, anyway, let's get into it.
And right, so number 68.
Right.
I'm fucked.
Yeah.
Can we take a break or something?
No, man, we've got too many to go.
I mean, this has gone long enough already.
I don't want to take a break.
I've missed three gigs over the course of doing this.
The recorder's about to run out of battery.
Thank you to Patreon subscriber.
Come on.
Let's keep focused.
Okay, all right.
Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ryan Kelford.
Ryan Kelford.
I've got to say, I'm just running out of energy for this
I mean that is
on any other week
I'd have plenty to say about that
believe you me
you'd have so much
I mean just think of
how much material is within those
three syllables
no four
Ryan
no Ryan
do you count letters
two syllables
Ryan
Ryan
oh yeah I guess so
Ryan oh we're back No, Ryan. Do you count letters two syllables? Ryan. Ryan. Oh, yeah, I guess so. Ryan.
Ryan.
Oh, we're back.
Oh, man.
Yeah, this is definitely worth keeping in now, I'd say.
That's better than anything we've done in the last 20, 28 or so.
Yeah, this has revitalised us.
Thanks, Ryan.
Second wind.
This is a real second wind.
Thanks for...
Ryan Kelford's like the Rocky theme to us.
Oh, yes.
We're climbing the steps
of that Philadelphia landmark
and we've got our fists
in the air going,
yes, we did it.
We ate the raw eggs.
We've jogged through
the famous AIDS-ridden city
and we're triumphant.
And what is the Rocky theme again?
Dun, dun, dun.
Mmm.
Dun, dun, dun.
Oh, what?
The song?
We can't call back to that yet.
No, I know.
I'm doing like a rest of development.
Oh, call forward.
Yeah, call forward.
Well, remember this, guys.
The name of the Rocky theme is Eye of the Tiger.
Well, actually...
A little bit of fun.
A little bit of fun.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Well, that's a little weird reverse Easter egg.
Yeah.
Okay. All right. All right. Let's leave's a little weird reverse Easter egg. Yeah. Okay.
All right.
All right.
Let's leave.
Well, now we can't take this out.
Now we're definitely going to have to do this one.
All right.
Ryan Kelford.
Well, thanks, Ryan.
Thanks heaps, Ryan, for that.
Thanks for revitalizing our spirits.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just in time for.
You've really put the wind beneath our wings.
Yeah.
Thanks so much.
And it's good that we revitalised just in time for number 69.
This one's going to be real good.
Is it?
All right.
Well, okay.
To be honest, I think that's a bit of a rude number.
Personally, I vote to edit this one out, whatever it is.
Well, let's see.
Maybe it's great.
Well, I vote to edit it out. I don it is. Well, let's see. Yeah, I mean, I know it's up to you. Maybe it's great.
Well, I vote to edit it out.
I don't really want my parents listening to this,
keen listeners of the podcast.
With their ears.
Yeah.
So I don't want that to happen.
So this is going to have to be a humdinger of a one to be left in,
in my opinion.
Thank you to Patreon subscriber Sarah Clisby.
Clisby.
Sarah as well. S-E-R-R-A
Ah interesting
Another interesting spelling
I don't know that I'm into it
Interesting's a nice word for it
Sarah
I'm not into it
What's the story Sarah?
You know what if there was an I in there
Sierra
Sierra
I'd be into that
That's fine
I could live with that
Sarah
It's like
Sarah
No one's looked at the word Sarah and gone,
not for me.
I want it spelt...
Clearly someone has.
I want it spelt more like a five-year-old would spell it.
More like the Carl Chandler who still loved mint slices would spell it.
Before it all went so wrong.
Before those teddies went right up the wrong...
In the wrong way.
Oh, my God.
Sarah Clisby. sarah let us know what's actually you know what don't even let us know i don't want to hear from you sarah i want
to hear from your parents get your parents to email us at little dumdum club.com uh no Now I sound like her parent.
Fucking boomers.
LittleDumbDumbClub at gmail.com.
Get your parents to email us and explain exactly why your name is Sarah.
I will say, though, you've brought up an interesting bugbear of mine in stand-up when people will talk about internet things and just get it wrong.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like Ben Lomas has a bit where he talks about Anne Frank giving out her email
and says, send me an email at girlsintheaddict.com.
It's like, what's that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's not an email address, Lomas.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's fair.
You dumb old dad.
Yeah.
You raise an interesting point there as in Ben Lomas is fucked
and his comedy is fucked and his
comedy is bad and incorrect but you know you have those things where especially when you see a lot
of comedy and your friends and peers when they've got something in there that's just like factually
a bit incorrect and off and when you have to see it so many times oh and it's like the bit works
so who cares but it just grates on you it's's also the bit where, like, in TVs or movies or cartoons,
whenever you see someone reading a magazine,
and sometimes it'll be on the wrong side of the magazine,
which fucking drives me insane.
What do you mean, the cover?
Yeah, the cover.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But more common is they'll be reading it, they'll have it open,
and you'll see the front and the back cover.
You'll see the front cover, and there'll be nothing on the back cover.
Yes.
That never happens in any form of publication. There's front and the back cover. You'll see the front cover and there'll be nothing on the back cover. Yes. That never happens in any form of publication.
There's never a blank back cover.
Here's one that gets me and I get, I mean, the reason for that is just like,
well, who cares?
Like, you know, you're animating.
Who's going to bother to put in fucking detail of a back page
because it's distracting?
So you can get why it happens.
Yep.
The other big one for me is when they have bands in cartoons
and so they're just
animated, do you know what I mean? They've just animated
someone just strumming.
And it's just not in time with the music
at all. That drives me insane because it just
looks wrong. It's like, you're not doing that with the
mouth when it's talking.
Have some poor little fucking
Korean cunt sit there. Get him to
do the drum.
Get him to learn the song.
Send him to drum school.
Yeah.
Oh, imagine.
What a shit job that would be.
Someone has to learn the entire back cannon of the Archies just so they can animate that.
Yeah.
Fuck.
You'd want to be putting into Hanna-Barbera for overtime for that shit.
Totally.
God.
Anyway, thanks, Sarah.
Thanks, Sarah.
That was a good one.
Yeah.
I know you thought it was going to be too dirty
because it was 69,
but I reckon that can stay.
Your parents would like that.
The stuff about you having tiny teddies up your ass,
they'd love that.
Well, look, I vote that we take that out.
Well, I don't know.
I reckon we should just keep it.
Hey, look, enough of that.
We've got another 30 or so to go.
Yeah, okay.
I just hope that some of the next 30 or so are any good. Anyway. Hey, look. Enough of that. We've got another 30 or so to go. Yeah, okay. I just hope that some of the next 30 or so are any good.
Anyway.
All right.
Fuck.
Well, here we go.
All right.
Finally.
This is it.
We finally got to the end of this.
Number 100.
This is number 100.
Now, for context, I am now the age that you were when we started doing this.
And I am now the age that you were when we started.
You've gone back around.
I clocked it.
I clocked life.
That's what happens when you hit 45.
You start coming back around.
I clocked life.
Oh, man.
It feels good to be 32 again.
One.
One.
Okay.
It feels like 32.
All right, here's the last one for this week
and possibly ever after all this.
Oh, man.
Why did you pick 100?
Oh, I don't know.
It would have been so easy.
Like if we had just done – do you want to know what my suggestion was going to be?
I just thought it would be nice symmetry in this podcast.
We had Aunty Donna.
There were five of us in the room.
It would have been nice symmetry to just do five.
I thought that would have been nice.
Yeah, well, hindsight's a great thing, isn't it?
You had to come in here and suggest a hundred.
Hindsight is fucking marvellous, isn't it?
And, like, I reckon, I don't know how many are going to make the cut.
I'd say we'd be lucky if 28 of those make the cut.
Oh, well, that's up to you.
I notoriously don't listen back. So that's up to you i notoriously don't listen back so that's
up to you man it's it's in your hands anyway look enough of that let's let's we've been here for
fucking so long yep you've had roommates move in and out of this place i know ballard's back yeah
and out again he's yeah out again again um all right So here we go. Patreon subscriber. Well, look.
Here's the cherry on the cake.
The last couple of weeks we've had slight change-ups with the last ones,
with the last names on the Patreon subscriber list.
This is the return of an old friend, an old family friend, I guess.
An old family name comeback.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Yeah, yeah. So a little bit of – at the very least, I know it's gone too long,
but at least we've sort of, you know, it's ended up being tied up in a nice little bow.
So here we go.
Thank you to the final Patreon subscriber for this week, number 100.
Thank you to Rin Tin Comedy, the comedy family dog.
Thank you, too.
Rin Tin Comedy, the comedy family dog.
So thanks very much for being the first canine subscriber of this show.
Well, I swear to God, isn't there already a dog somewhere in the mix?
There was a cat, wasn't there? There was a cat.
Like, look, I dare say, once a cat had come up,
a dog would have been pretty soon after in the mix.
I don't think so. I think this is the first
dog. And I think I've
accidentally gotten rid of... It's almost as if you've
lost the record or something. Yeah, I know. It's almost
like that, isn't it?
It is very akin
to that. It's almost like I can't
go back and check and don't know what I've done
before.
When you say what you've done, you mean
what's come in Through the Patreon
Yeah yeah
Yes yes exactly
Exactly
So I
Look I
You know
Look
I think this is
This is the dog that lives
Hey
I love dogs
I'm fine with having two dogs contribute
Good
Well I think there's only one
And I think
This dog
Coexists
With
It seems weird that we would have done
Sultans
And sheiks
And Like celebrities And all these others Before finally working our way It seems weird that we would have done Sultans and Sheiks and celebrities
and all these others before finally working our way back around to a dog.
That seems very odd to me.
To me, what's more odd?
That order or the fact a fucking dog is giving us money full stop?
I think you're finding the odd in the wrong places, to be quite honest.
I think we've been here that long, you're delirious and you're finding oddness in the wrong places.
Sit, comedy, sit.
Good boy.
Ruff.
Da-da-da-da-da-da.
Oh, God.
Well, thank you to Rin Tin Comedy for coexisting in the same household
as Mittens Comedy, the comedy cat.
Boy, I bet they get into some scrapes.
They would, wouldn't they?
They hate each other.
Famously, cats and dogs.
I don't know how many people know this, but pretty famously,
not fans of each other.
You know what?
This is the truth about cats and dogs.
They both subscribe to our podcast.
Must love podcasts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's something that fucking Uma Thurman didn't tell you, is it?
Or Janine Garofalo.
There's the truth, the actual truth about cats and dogs.
So thank you, thank you to Rin Tin Comedy for chucking in, let's check, $69.
You know, he's gone without a few milk bones for that, you know,
to chuck in
dipping into the
Schmackos fund
very good
exactly
so thanks
he's probably
impersonated
one of those
seeing eye dog
statues at the
supermarket
to get a few
coins stuck in his head
lodged in the old skull
saved those up
well on
Rin Tin Comedy
on behalf of the
little dum dum club
I'd just like to say
good boy
yes
who's a good boy
who's a good boy you Yep, yep, yep.
Who's a good boy?
You get the, you're at the $69, which is, of course,
the Patreon tier where we tickle you on the tummy.
So look forward to that if you come to a live show.
I believe that's the tier where we incite a red rocket from you.
I believe that that's the tier where we eat our own shit in front of you
just to make you feel at home.
That's the tier where we give you some carpet
for which you can drag your own ass across.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the tier that we eat grass so that we throw up in front of you.
Wow, you got a lot for $69 in this show.
I mean, you want to make the biggeroteers more enticing to the listeners.
Yep.
So, anyway, thank you.
Thank you, Rin.
Well, to –
Thanks, Rin.
Thanks, Rin.
To all the people who chip into the Patreon,
to all creatures great and small,
thank you to chipping in to the Patreon,
all 100 of you that we read out,
I reckon we've pretty much wiped the slate clean by this point.
We've got through a lot of names.
Hard to say at this juncture how many will make the cut.
I want to say that if you didn't hear your name just then,
after all those 100 names we read out.
Get a better name.
That is, yeah, yeah.
And if you've got any grievances, bring it up with Daslo,
because he's the one who edits this podcast.
He is personally taking your name out of this.
The DMs are open.
Yeah.
Because we always love to get messages from people complaining.
Love it.
Love it, love it, love it, love it.
So thank you to everyone that subscribed this week.
I just hope that new people subscribe next week
so we've got new names to read out.
Yeah, another – hey, you know what?
Let's do 200 next week.
Oh, God.
I would say no given at the moment we're planning on doing it right after this episode.
Yes, yes.
All right, guys.
Thank you for subscribing.
LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to the live shows, merchandise, Patreon, all the
stuff we have coming up.
And thank you very much for listening to this edition of Talking Dum Dum or the Little Dum Dum Club Club.
Or Inside Dum Dum.
Riffing Dum Dum.
Inside Dum Dum.
You decide.
Let us know.
Yeah, we'll work it out.
Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.
See you, mates.
This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.
Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.
I mean, if you want.
It's up to you.