The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 373 - Live! Claire Hooper, Mike Goldstein & Brett Blake

Episode Date: November 27, 2017

We're back in PARTH for another huge live episode! BRETT BLAKE teaches us about local beers, MIKE GOLDSTEIN is scared of germs and CLAIRE HOOPER has snuck out of a Wiggles concert! We also reveal our nicknames for each other, make fun of dyslexia and learn about an exciting new business venture!Click HERE to download the MP3Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:MARYBOROUGH: Is this the worst idea ever? Let's find out! We're doing a live show in Karl's hometown. Tickets here.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Perth with guests Claire Hooper, Mike Goldstein and Brett Blake. This is a super fun episode, but before that we've got to plug a few shows coming up in 2018. Very quickly, before we get into this belter of an episode, what an awesome, you know, a lovely episode, a good ad to come to a live episode. It was heaps of fun. Everyone had a wild time. But if you go to littledumbdumbclub.com, you'll always find exactly what is going on. But the soonest ones we've got coming up are Maribor.

We're going to my hometown finally after all these years and years of talking about this fucked backwards town. Is that your hometown? Yeah. Is that why we're going there? Yes. Why do you think we're going? I don't know. we're going i don't know just something to do i thought there was just a huge huge fan base of ours in a town of 8 000 people yeah you're on top of that stuff i just thought you decided there were a lot of people there all right no no

no yeah yeah i put a you demand it uh button on our website hey well we've been places where we have literally no listeners before we do live shows so well that's coming up very soon anything's possible yep sure so we are going to mirabar it is january what saturday night january the 13th listeners before we do live shows. Well, that's coming up very soon. Anything's possible. Yep, sure. So we are going to Maribor. It is January, well, Saturday night, January the 13th. So it's at a nice time. I think it's at 7 o'clock. So, look, if you want to stay overnight in Maribor, go for it.

But we'll be over at a time. Hey, if you want to move there, be our fucking guest. Yeah. I won't, but you do have plenty of time to drive back afterwards if you come back to Melbourne or Ballarat or anywhere around. I think we've got a lot of listeners in Ballarat, Bendigo, country Victorian areas. Sebastopol. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, man, it's a real one for central Victoria. If you live anywhere north of the state, it's a bit easier for you to get down to than Melbourne. So all of our rural, all of our country Victorian listeners, it'd be great for you to all meet up in the central Victoria, which is, Maryborough's nearly in the absolute middle of Victoria.

So, let's all use that as a HQ. It's summer, it's just around the holidays. It's going to be a great time to come in and you know what, a real episode where I'm not quite sure what's going to happen, but it's going to be fucking very different, I reckon. It's going to be a great time to come in and, you know what, a real episode where I'm not quite sure what's going to happen, but it's going to be fucking very different, I reckon. It's going to be...

I can't wait to see the reaction of the town to us. Yeah, it's going to be great. And our, you know, I love the idea of Dum Dum taking over the town. Yeah. Like having, you know, hundreds of fans in the town. Yeah, it's going to be great. So get your tickets for that, littledumdumclub.com. Also, the 2018 Co-Samui International Podcast Festival, June 13 to 18, featuring the Little Dumb Dumb Club

and the Dollop. That is going on at the Ozo Chuang Samui Resort. If you head to our website, you can find details for how to purchase your tickets to the event and also the sweet deal that you get at the Ozo Chuang Samui using the password podcast18. That gets you a sweet discount. It's going to be awesome.

We did it last year and it was great. This year, or next year, as I should say, is looking massive and it's going to be great. It's going to be so much fun. It's looking way bigger than last year. It's going to be heaps of fun. So make sure you get those sweet deals. It lets the resort know exactly who you are and how to plan out the time that we've got there

and fill up the resort with all the Dum Dum and podcast listeners. So please go to the website, find out exactly how you do that. If you follow all the instructions, it'll be the best way of getting a deal and not missing out on the deal and paying extra money and stuff like that. So grab a ticket. We've given you heaps of time to plan. It's in seven months or something from here, so've given you heaps of time to plan um you know it's in seven months or something from here so you've got heaps of time but uh you know some people need a lot of

time to in advance to get their holidays in order so little dumdum club.com for all those details and what better advertisement for coming to a live show than this episode that you're about to hear in perth thank you to everyone who came out this was uh always a ripper time over there the three guests are in absolute fine form. Yeah, this was heaps of fun to do. We love Path so much. Path, so fun. So enjoy this episode with Claire Hooper, Mike Goldstein and Brett Blake.

Path. Path. Hey, mates! Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club, live from Perth. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow, and standing next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads.

Yay! The mining boom may be over, but the content boom has just begun. Oh, yeah, baby, and we are cashing in big time, wearing our high-vis comedy vests, other stuff about a profession that I have no idea about. I'll just say, Tommy, so we came to PATH, and we do these interstate shows, we do stand-up beforehand and then we do the podcast. Yep.

I have just encountered something that has never happened to us. Someone just came up and went, oh, yeah, that was great. See you. We've got to go. I'm like, what? People came for the stand-up and then left. Those guys absolutely do not get it. Fuck, that's so good.

Did they give a reason? They just said, yeah, we've got shit going on. I take it back. They do get it. Fuck yeah, that's amazing. And then the guy, and look, the guy will hear this, you know, next week or whatever. But the guy's like, oh, and his girlfriend took off. And he was like, oh, she really wanted to meet you.

That's a shame. I said, well, send her back. And anyway, they sort of took off and I sort of walked up to meet them halfway and she sort of came back to pick something up. I'm like, hey, and she's like, cool. Well, I'll tell you this. I've hesitated telling this on the podcast because it sounds so made up that I was just like, there's no way

you'll ever believe it. But guys, we did well in the stand-up before the show. We got laughs. It went well. So I went to China about a month ago to do some stand-up gigs and on the second night there, I was in the bar after the show and the guy running the gig came up to me and goes, oh, there was this audience member who came up to me after the show and he was telling me that he came along because he'd seen you in Melbourne years ago and like

so he saw you were on here in China tonight and he came along and he actually just had like surgery and he had something where he had like stitches in his mouth and he said he was laughing so hard at your set that he popped the stitches and was in like a severe amount of pain. And then I was like, oh wow, that's so amazing. Can I, like, I'd love to meet him. Is he here? And he was like, nah, he's left. Just fucked off

straight away. Just, nah. A great story from you. This all happened in China where you cannot verify what happened. Yeah, content is blocked over there. Until I was back to pull out this Ripper story. They'll never hear it. Fucking idiots. What about this in the break between the stand-up and the podcast?

We cop a lot of shit, like, not on the podcast, but people say to us, you know, because we've got a podcast, it's always like, oh, it's just all fucking nerdy guys and fat dudes that listen to your podcast. And we're like, no, heaps of girls listen to the podcast. Yeah, and some of those are guests as well. Like, come on. But we copped, actually, we don't say that.

We cop it off like mates in other comics and whatever. And we're always like, no, no, no, heaps of girls come along. Just before, there was no line for the girls' toilets and a massive line for the guys' toilets. We did it for the first time in history. We did it. Now, this time in history. We did it. Now this is a quality as far as I'm concerned. We're doing our bit. We're now up there with an ACDC

concert now. I have a small bit of follow-up information which I hope we'll get more on in the future, but I hit my dad up about his bomb shelter and his doomsday plans and also his porno. Now there will be more coming on this later in the show. A lot more fans of the porno than the bomb shelter, by the way.

Let's hear about what a 71-year-old thinks about fucking. This will be good. So I texted him to try and get more out of him. I'm going to try and sort of get more details over the next few episodes that we do, but I got this. All I can say about the bomb shelter episodes that we do, but I got this. All I can say about the bomb shelter is that there are currently 94 cans of food,

a collection of unopened bottles of soy sauce and salad dressing, there are 64 bottles of wine, and a six-week supply of frozen chicken and fish. By the way, the porno is called The Eye of the Tiger.

Wait, wait, wait. Love Dad. And he's not really used any grammar in it. So I don't know if the Love Dad is a sign-off or if the full title of the porno is The Eye of the Tiger Love Dad. So it's called The Eye of the Tiger.

So it's an inspirational porno. It's a porno you watch before you go out and play sport. Yeah. People putting on a hoodie and rooting on the steps of a government building. I don't know what that's a reference to, to be fair. Me either. So we're on... I always like to see what we're up against when we go into state and do

a show. Oh yes. So the show that we're up against at the moment is The Wiggles. Really? Four in the afternoon. It makes sense. Yeah. And I was like, this is... I was watching people. Yeah, and I was like, this is... I was watching people go into it. I'm like, this is fucking genius.

You went, wait. You were sitting out the front of a Wiggles concert... LAUGHTER Hey... Watching people go into it. Let's call them for what they are, children. Hey, it's my eye of the tiger. LAUGHTER

No, no, no. Hey, it's my eye of the tiger. No, no, no. My hotel is opposite the entertainment fucking centre, whatever it's called. That's your doomsday preparation. Keeps me young. So, no need for that. So, they've got a fucking great marketing plan. Here's the thing.

I think we should adopt their plan for Adelaide, right? Because I'm watching it, like, all the kids are going in, whatever. They've all got to bring their parents. They can't go in as fucking three-year-olds. Anytime one person has to go, another person has to. There's two fucking tickets. So I think we should do Adelaide. You've got to bring your parents.

Oh, not bad. Not bad. And they have to have written a porno. That's just an added bonus. That's fine. But fuck, double the people. That's the answer to Adelaide, not bad. Not bad. And they have to have written a porno. That's just an added bonus. That's fine. But fuck, double the people. That's the answer to Adelaide, I reckon. Do you reckon we've missed out on any... Like, do you reckon that's actually cost us any sales,

the Wiggles being on? Like, the idea that there's... Like, the idea that there's a dad with his kid who's going off at the show going, fuck, I wish I was watching Two Cunts right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the kid I was watching Two Cunts right now. Yeah. Yeah, the kid's more of a fuck up Jeff. I like the idea that you just bring your kid along to this

and if they're young enough you just say, this is the Wiggles. Yeah. I'm the black Wiggle. Yeah. Which I probably would be even if I wasn't wearing this. Yeah. Dorothy the dumb cunt.

Like, it'd be fine. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So, now, I don't know path that well, but this is a bit of a sketchy area, yeah? Is this, like, not... No. No, yes?

The people say no live here, but anyway, yeah, I get it. Why did you call an ambulance for a guy on the way here? You had to call an ambulance for a guy on the way here. Did you hit him or...? Are you part of the problem or is that a brag or is this just a news story unrelated to what I said? Yeah, well, look, I don't know much about the area but my hotel's not very far away and i walked up here i swear i was five meters from the door and this gang of people walked up to me and went hey cunt are you

chasing and i was carrying my fucking suitcase at the time. Like, I've flown in to fucking get meth on the street of here. But the thing was, I actually stopped and listened to too much because when this guy comes up and goes, hey, cunt, I'm like, well, he listens. Yeah, yeah. And you're chasing, you thought chasing content. Why, yes, I am, my good man.

We had a wonderful afternoon. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it feels like a cool area. What better home for us? What are we... Oh, we're going to say one more thing before we get guests on. We have a, like... Do you guys all follow us on social media?

We do a lot of visual stuff on the socials, on the Instagrams and the Facebooks and the Twitters and stuff. You've got to get on Facebook, guys. Yeah, man. You've got to be on the book. You've got to be and stuff. You've got to get on Facebook, guys. You've got to be on the book. You've got to be gramming. You've got to be going live. I rate it.

I rate it. Tell me and Tommy, keep in touch. Well, do you want to veer off into this? It is how we keep in touch. You guys ever get on Messenger? Fuck, all you do is suggest Messenger to me in the chat. Yeah, it always comes up at the top of my screen. I'm always accidentally hitting the button that says

invite Carl to Messenger. At least four times a week I invite Carl to Messenger. How is there such a flaw in Messenger where you can still invite someone to Messenger within Messenger? Yeah. But you know how you do guys like in group chats and stuff how you can change nicknames? Yeah. So we've got some pretty cool nicknames.

Oh, I was going to do another thing, but let's do this thing. Yeah, we've been, yeah, this is a little, you know, it's about the journey. Yeah, okay. So you, so you can change people's names. So I can't see, I can't remember what you have got me as. What's, what's my name again? You're a reference to a very personal thing that I don't think we should bring up.

Well, now I think you should absolutely bring it up. It's literally not going to make sense, but you'll know what it is. Your nickname is Everywhere Winky Face. Oh, right. You can bring... No, let's bring that up. Are you fine? Okay, good for you. I'm fine.

Another detour! A detour within a detour. Are you going to tell it or should I? I reckon you would be best taking the reins. All right. I'm going to try and remember it. So a guy at a venue I may have run comedy at or may still absolutely run comedy at.

Hypothetically. Yeah. Charlie Candler's Hypothetically. Yeah. Charlie Candler's chuckle house. Yeah. There was a DJ there that, like, was an absolute cunt. And he was just... I kept losing clothes there. Like, any time I put down a jacket, it'd be fucking gone

and he was pinching them all and stuff. Like, he was pinching all this alcohol. I don't know this detail. Man, I lost a pair of pants and two jackets there. So you're getting up at the end of the night to thank people for coming to the gig in a big barrel. Yeah. So anyway, at the same time, he was apparently, like,

stealing alcohol and, like, stealing money and all this sort of stuff. Anyway, so he got in all this big trouble for it and got sacked. And as he got sacked, he's like, fine, walked out the door, still had the password to all the social media of the bar. And so gets on the social media for the bar and says, hey, the general manager is having an affair on his wife. Plus, in the kitchen, there are rats everywhere. Smiley face.

Yeah, it was like, what, mice come to ****? They're everywhere, winky face. And we just... You didn't need to say ****, but anyway. And we just... You didn't need to say ****, but anyway. I felt like I adequately edited that bit out, but... Oh, bleep it, it's fine. So, yeah, we just got...

We're just obsessive because it was there for like... It was there for like a whole day before anyone who worked at wherever this place was. Yeah, it was there for a full... Myers before anyone who worked at wherever this place was. Yeah. It was there for a full... Myers at Chadston. Yeah. Before they found out about it.

It was there for a full day. I was emailing them going, it's still there, by the way. You might want to take it down. Nothing. They wouldn't take it down. Yeah. And so we just were obsessed with that. And so one day I changed your nickname to Everywhere Winky Face.

Yeah. So now that's the backstory behind your nickname. Yeah. Is there a backstory behind my nickname? No. No, I changed your nickname to Sperm. There's no backstory there. Out of the blue one day.

I just find that a funny word. But the thing is, so... This is a business relationship where we discuss money everywhere, winky face and sperm. Talk about their financial affairs. Also, another great ad for Messenger.

You should get on it, man. It's sick. Oh, fuck, I've done it again. Yeah. So, his nickname is Sperm. It always pops up in the window as Sperm. Oh, fuck, I've done it again. Yeah. Yeah. So his nickname is Sperm. It always pops up in the window as Sperm. Now, I'm... I don't think you guys are respecting how funny this is. Now, the thing is that I'm always...

I go to bed and my wife is next to me. He admitted it! I'm holding up my wedding ring, which I have only lost for four weeks out of the eight weeks I've been married. And how is her DJing career going? She has rats everywhere. Winky face. Pronounce it properly

Rats everywhere That's what you miss out on When you don't go to the live show Tommy winking One eye being closed So At night Every night

She'll be on Netflix or Stan or whatever And I'll be On Facebook Generally talking to Tommy And so Every At least twice a day I reckon Married life sounds sick be on Facebook generally talking to Tommy and so every at least twice a day I reckon. Married life sounds

sick. Get a load of Al Bundy over here. At least twice a day she will lean over and go, how's sperm? I literally hear it every day and now, now it's always been confined to that situation as I've been away

like in Perth, sorry, Parth as I've been away I actually copped it last night on the phone when I was talking to her she just goes, how sperm just a bit of IRL instead of on Facebook. And so I've come very close a few times to messaging her on Facebook. We're friends on there, no big deal. And first of all suggesting that she gets

Messenger. Exactly. And then just saying to her, sperm says hi, winky face. But every time I'm like, imagine if his part of the story has just never happened and he's just making it up to impress me or whatever. And so with no context, she just gets a message

from her husband's friend saying, sperm says hi. It's like, I'm going to go to jail. I should have sent it to your girlfriend, Howie Spurn. Great stuff. Let's get some guests on. Should we get a guest on? Yeah.

All right. First of all, great friend of the show. He came with us to Thailand. He's a recent addition to the friend of the show family, but he's fucking awesome. You guys love him. Go crazy and welcome Brett Blake. G'day, legends.

How are we? We good? Very good. Guys, I thought I'd bring some beers on stage for you. You're in WA after all, so I'm like the shit version of Milan. Instead of a gun runner, I'm more of a spade runner. We dig holes here, cunts.

We get it, alright? So you've brought up a tray of emu export lager. Thank you. The bush truck boys. Thank you. As we all know in WA, there's three things you need to do when you arrive. Number one, adventure world.

Number two, get coward punched. And number three, Bushstrokes. You posted this on Facebook, I think, the last time you were here, that you now get extra luggage allowance through Virgin. Yes. And you now, you took a slab of emus back home with you. You checked it in and you had this great photo of just this sad slab of shit beer just rotating around the carousel.

I don't know about sad. I would say majestical. But anyway, I suppose it's all about perception, isn't it? I'm not going to presume. I'm just going to assume. So Tiger Air are happy to do that with you? Dude, I'm Jetstar Cody. We know that, all right?

And I'm on Virgin now, all right? Silver. Still good. It's a good beer. It's a great beer, man. They've got the retro can going. Now, I was at a bar with you about two weeks ago. Two weeks ago?

Yeah. And it's a nice, it's actually a really cool bar in Hawthorne. Any mice? Do you want to name that bar as well, champ? Yeah. What's the manager's marital status? It's a bit everywhere. Oh, yeah.

We need an audio. This is going to be fucked. We need an audio signifier for the wink. Is it? Yeah. Just add in a wink. Add in some sort of weird wink effect. All right.

Cool. The sound of a wink. Ding. We're in a bar, in a cool bar, and the DJ walked past with an Emu export. DJ, guy that was hosting the quiz, calm down. Love your track selection, mate. That one about the Simpsons went off.

He walked past with one of these and you fucking lost your mind. I knew it. You literally ran up to him and went, cunt, where did you get them from? I saw the fear in his eyes. I was like, dude, where did you get this? He's like, the manager's over there. And then I went to the manager like, where did you get these from?

It's no exaggeration. We're like chilling out having a beer. You ran downstairs to get a bad beer. Yeah, half of that story is correct. You're welcome. But why is it so thrilling to see it in a different place when the word export is literally in the name of it? What's going on?

Man, don't deconstruct a true Australian icon. Also, I don't understand because I'm like, oh, cool, is it some great beer? And then you go, oh, it's like the VB't understand because I'm like, oh, cool, is it some great beer? And then you go, oh, it's like the VB of WA. I'm like, so a shit beer? Once again, very confused with your perception of beer. It goes, in Victoria, it goes VB, MB, Carlton Draft. We all know that.

Anyway, yeah, thank you. One of us. One fan's all I need. Anyway, you've all seen my solo shows. Now, this is literally where I first met you. Right here, this room. About five years ago, six years ago, I met you right here. It's the first time I ever met you at a gig.

And would you say you were polite to me, Carl? Would you say you were supportive of me, Carl? What did I do? We had a gig together and I was like, I was like, man, I got a Dum Dum Club shirt and one of your books that no one bought. They're still in the warehouse if you want them. They're not.

That run of 500 was sold out. Yeah. Actually, no, that's right. I sent him an email saying, because I was heading to Melbourne two weeks later, first time in Melbourne, very excited, good friend of mine, Mike, who's on soon, he goes, mate, just message my mate Carl,

he's delightful. Wrong. I sent him an email, he was sort you out of the gig, got a great gig spleen. Send him a bit of footage. I was like, G'day, Carl. My name's Brett from WA. Heading over soon. Would really love a gig. Good mate of mine, Mike G, is going to vouch for me. And then I hear nothing back from Carl. And then when he gets here, he goes, mate, don't get fucking people to vouch for you. And just starts tearing me new shreds about the email. I was like, oh, yeah, sorry, dude.

Yeah, cool. Yeah, nah. Yeah, I'll go kill myself now. This begs the question, Carl, why did you bring up this story? Yeah. Oh, that's right, because you're a cunt. I tell you, if we had a decent bridge over here, I'd fucking have thrown myself off that night. Is that footbridge here finished yet? No.

Well, I clearly didn't remember any of those bits, but... I've told you seven times since then, but it's that old age, Carl, you keep forgetting. Anyway... And also, now that you've told him on a live podcast, he's drunk, so now this is another one he won't remember. Oh, it's good to be home yeah so what was your story well it's probably not as funny because you were very different to how you are now back then it was like you were like you didn't have the beard or the mullet or anything like that

you were doing you were doing like a flip chart like you're a little fucking nerd and now i don't know about nerd calm down can't you still in my hometown 20. You were doing like a flip chart, like you were a little fucking nerd. I don't know about nerd. Calm down, cunt. You're still in my hometown. Yeah, this professional comedian... You're about to do the second best thing in WA, which is get coward punched. Mate, we'll take you to an adventure world. You can do all three.

No, I'm with Carl on this one, Brett. I mean, this professional comedian comes over from Melbourne in his pyjamas and then he has to put up with embarrassing stupid shit like that. I saw him in his pyjamas. I was like, how long is his fucking set going to go for? Jesus.

The only person that was napping was the audience. Hey! Fuck with me on my soil Is this just all your relatives in the crowd? Wait, nah, they've got too many teeth You know what, to be honest That night, so what I remember from that night as well is That I came over here and there wasn't a big crowd.

It was like, say, 40 or 50 people. Were you headlining? This is devastating. Thanks, guys. So this is what it feels like to not be me every other week, right? Oh, man, here it comes. To be fair, you're doing a lot better tonight than you did back then. I'll pay that.

But having said that, I didn't do much better that night because I was hosting and I'm like going, oh, yeah, and hopping up and back and going, oh, fucking hell, fuck, this is a fucking tough night. This is fucking no good. I'm going no good. At the end, I never do this, but after having a fucking tough gig, I walk up and go in front of the 40 people left, fuck, this is a fucking tough night. This is fucking no good. I'm going no good. At the end, I never do this, but after having a fucking tough gig, I walk up and go in front of the 40 people left, go, hey,

if you did like somehow, if you did like getting into whatever this was, I've got a podcast, 35 of the 40 people go, fuck yeah. I'm like, hang on, do you listen? They're like, yeah. I'm like, how did I just eat shit in front of my fans? listen. They're like, yeah. I'm like, how did I just eat shit in front of my fans? The best part of that is you gave us a shirt

and the thing. No, I didn't give you a shirt. Okay, I paid for it. Good friend, Carl Chandler, right? And the next day I was running, I was like, oh, wear that shirt. Literally, a fucking dog bit me on the back over your face and it's been a fucking omen for our relationship

since. Hey, that's Perth, baby. Dogs everywhere. So, literally, that dog was Jason. Mate, it was horny for the show.

Should we get our next guest out here? Yeah, it seems like we've been up here forever already. You know, this next guest from vouching for a it seems like we've been up here forever already. You know this next guest from vouching for

a young man by the name of Blake. Please welcome back in a little Dumb Dumb Club, Mike Goldstein! Yeah, baby! Alright, first of all I never fucking vouch for Brett I've got the email, can't see it. It's printed on my wall. First of all, I never fucking vouch for Brett Forney. I've got the email. It's printed on my wall.

It is. It's one of the, not to be too inside baseball, but like a new comic coming to you and going, oh, I'm going to email this guy for gigs. Can I put your name? It's like, how do you say no? It's like, we've been very good friends for about three years before that. Usually I'll just tell people I vouch and then I don't do shit.

Fucking export. How long after drinking this do I have to beat my wife? Is that a... Oh shit. It's too close to home. In Perth, that's everywhere. Wink. You've got to do the sound, bro. You've got to do the sound. bro. You've got to do the sound.

Ding. Ding. What are you doing? I'm getting my content. Oh, man. I dropped my content. Okay. Yeah.

I was going to say, I started off my trip very well. I went to Melbourne Airport, met Tommy, and then I went through security, and the guy's drug testing me and just goes, off to Perth are we? I was like, mate, I could be going fucking anywhere. But you're correct at this point. But you were like, you and I had to meet up

and you were at the wrong terminal. Yeah, like, I text you and I go, hey, I don't have on my thing where the gate is. Where's the gate? And you go, it's gate 12. And I go, okay, are you in this bit? And you go, no, I don't have on my thing where the gate is. Where's the gate? And you go, it's gate 12. And I go, okay, are you in this bit? And you go, no, I'm out the front of gate 5. In the bar. Come here. And I go, yeah, but we're at gate

12. And he's like, yeah, I'm there. I'm like, you just said that you're at gate 5. And you're like, yeah, what's the problem? And I'm like, it's at gate 12. And it's like, fuck me. How many more ways can I tell this guy that five is not 12? See, I'm glad I never gave him a gig five years ago now.

12 years ago. Here we go. Love that movie Five Years a Slave. Like, not even that long. Not even that long. Get over it. What's the problem? Easy.

Just knock it off and move on. I remember ringing you going, mate, I'm in the fucking bar in five, 12's around the corner, and then halfway I went, you are such a, oh, yeah, you're right. Well, let's quickly veer into this, Oh, no. This is a slight detour. So two years ago I did a show at the Comedy Festival where... I call it the She'll Be Back Show. Yeah.

It was a show largely about my then-recent break-up. And, look, in retrospect, mental health-wise, not in the best place. But the venue I was in had a thing where people who'd been at the show could leave a little note on the wall and a couple of times... Yeah, you know. A couple of times girls would, like, leave their number and I got into a habit of following up on this.

And it may or may not... Is there a blackboard up the back tonight or is there...? It may or may not have paid off a couple of times, right? Not for them. Yeah. Generally, was the number just for Beyond Blue? Hang on, were you just going into the toilet and ringing up whatever they said under ringer root?

Yeah. So I get this. So at the time there was one number where I hit up the number and I was like, hey, it's Tommy. Here's your message. And we go

smooth. Smooth shit. Smooth shit. Yeah, no wonder you got saved. Why did she ever leave? Fucking hell. This guy judging me for the text your opener would have been wanna cop it up the arse still stands so I go back and forth with this person a bit

and then like it's an ongoing thing where like months later we're doing a live show and I get a text from this number saying like oh can't wait to see you at the gig tonight I reckon I'm gonna come when you come out and I get a text from this number saying like, oh, can't wait to see you at the gig tonight.

I reckon I'm going to come when you come out. And I'm like, oh my God, who is this? And going back and forth and then, you know, the message has kind of dried up and so I'm in the airport trying to find Brett Blake and he texts me and goes, here's my number and so I just hit it and I've never texted or called Blakey before but I hit the number and it comes up and starts dialing and the name that is saved in my phone, Wall Girl.

Wall Girl. Oh man. Dude, it was such a long play. It was a long play and it was worth like two years. Two years. I was like, man. Hang on, hang on. Did you really come when you saw him at the podcast? Yeah.

Because most people leave when they see him. Yeah, I came tears. But what happened, because we had a, you know, the wall, they had a little thing you could put post-it notes on and things like that. And I was like... They're used for like reviews and stuff, really. Reviews, you're like, come see this show, this is nice. You know, positive messages about the show.

This is nice. Fuck, that's brutal. Dude, if it was for your show, I'd calm down. Anyway. And just said, yeah, it definitely went 45 minutes. I think that was fine. Anyway, so it had all the stuff on there and then I saw

Tommy was like, oh, you're a very handsome boy. I was like, oh, someone's had a few. And then I was like, I got one of the girls to write my phone number down. I'm like, oh, call me babe and all this stuff, right? But then that night I put it on there. Wait, you got a girl to write it so it would be more convincing. Have you seen my writing? I'm dyslexic. And then I saw it and it was like a real emotional about his ex

that left him and all this stuff and I was like oh man and I was like this is awful I can't play this game anymore then Tommy sends me a text message and who do I happen to bump into at a bar Carl Chandler and I go man this is what I was going to do but I can't give Tommy shit about this anymore. I've just saw his heart

breaking show and Carl goes nah fucking roast him. And then Carl's like, this is what you need to say and I was like, I had a few beers. I was like, fuck him. And then I just... Oh, you vouched for me. Thanks, man. And then the best part, so it was an ongoing thing and I'll just send him

like, just ongoing, like I would sing to like Backstreet Boys songs and send him voice clips and I'm like, I'm gonna rock your body and she'll be back again. Real sad stuff. Took a lot of my time, but I got a lot of stuff going on. So you guys had a

full on relationship there. No wonder she left. Hey Tommy, don't worry he'll be back. If he ever works out where fucking Terminal 12 is, he'll be back If he ever works out where fucking Terminal 12 is he'll be back I got catfish I got fully catfish

Feels good man Goldstein, thanks for coming, sort of Alright Thanks for having me, Carl Sperm Sperm says hi, by the way. Ding! Man, I don't think we've ever talked about this. So you, technically, you are sort of Sri Lankan.

Yeah, I am. Yeah, I don't know. Fuck off. I'm half Sri Lankan, but my dad is. He just says that when he does the accent. I'm from there. Noan but my dad he just says that when he does the accent I'm from there yeah no one believes you

you're too white just so fucking Dilran over here is on time just for people at home there's someone in the audience that you've called Dilran

who's a mix between Dilraka and Ronnie Chang which sounds like a very enticing combo yeah I've got when I dropped some

matchsticks earlier you counted them all I was like oh that makes sense. 998. 998. And then you dropped a buffet and Goldstein got onto it. You're like, oh, that makes sense.

So you are from Sri Lanka just like our dear friend Dilruk Jai Singh. Your mum is Sri Lankan. My mum is Sri Lankan and my dad is a Jew from Boston, so guess which one I resembled the most? Yeah, so me and Dil, we have a lot

in common, including physicality and... I reckon you would have had a bit when you started out. You know, my mum's Sri Lankan, my dad's a Jew. I love a cheap curry. Yay! When I wake up in the morning, I don't know whether to...

That's much better. Fuck, I could be at the Wiggles right now. And Carl could be scoping you out. He's definitely on the watch list. Anyway. Have you been back to Sri Lanka? Have you got any ties at all? Are you telling me to go back where I came from?

Mate, he's been in WA for two minutes and he's adopted our man. Is that the license plate of WA? Go back where you came from. It's all spelt wrong as well. Oh, so you wrote them? Yeah.

He got a girl to write it, actually. I want to fuck that number plate. But you are dyslexic as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a lot of things going on. So what does that mean when you're dyslexic as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a lot of things going on. So what does that mean when you're dyslexic? Oh my God. Yeah, this is great.

But like... So like... It means you buy little dum-dum t-shirts. It means that like someone... That's why he thought you vouched for him. You didn't fucking say that at all. No, not at all. What was that?

When you said, I'm going to come when you walk on stage, what were you trying to type? Ah, you got me there. No, no, so like words jump around and P's look like B's and it's a bit of a nightmare. You're going to be like, oh, fuck. Right. Yeah, just letters, right?

Letters move. I saw an open mic-er in Perth, and it's always stuck with me. Oh, right, he's telling a story about me. It was Brett. But he goes, did you hear about the dyslexic porn star? He pulled out and came all over his own face. And it always stuck with me, because this dude thinks dyslexia is people just totally confusing, occupational...

..fucking dudes. I saw a dyslexic guy jump off a cliff. What a fuckhead. just totally confusing occupational fucking dude. I saw a dyslexic guy jump off a cliff. What a fuckhead. Like, the ailment is not that bad. Calm down there. No, but it's, yeah, just P's and B's and words move around. Right, so you physically see words moving around like a page. So a P always looks like a B to me and then words jump down a line.

So if I'm looking at two sentences, like a line, you've seen me, I don't know if you guys have heard the Kosamui voiceover. It's just like, for fuck's sake and fucking shit, can't say it. We actually didn't realise you were dyslexic and we said, can you do the voiceover for it? And then you went, uh-oh.

It's two paragraphs and it took 45 minutes to record. I've got nothing to comment on that. It was correct. Because he goes, do you mind doing a bit of audio for the thing? And I was like, yeah, dude, I can drop a couple of sharkers. And then he starts reading

out a fucking novel by never read a book, but anyway, whoever does that, like Hemingway or something I don't know and um and I was like he goes

oh you fine with saying all that I was like oh this is gonna be a long day I'll have a crack but anyway is that why you like the emus because it's the only beer you can read

it's just three letters nice and simple nah dude it's got a symbol I understand it yeah there's no P's or B's in emu I'll get a kind of him P's or B's in emu.

Is that it? P's and B's? P's and B's look similar and then words jump around. No wonder you never had a job. I was going to go with, hey, don't order a peanut putter sandwich. I can't believe I asked you for a gig and let you vouch for me. Hey Carl, your one would have killed at the Wiggles. Should we get our third guest out here? Yeah, sure.

Folks, great friend of the show, you know her from the Great Australian Bake Off. Please welcome back in a little Dunham Club, Claire Hooper! Yay! Pippa Luke! Yep, there are two kids at the Wiggles without a parent. Carl's like, what are their names? How can I be the dodgy one out of me and you? Yeah, man, dude, have a reflect on your life, brah.

Do you reckon there's a bit of that? Do you reckon there's a bit of parents turning up to the Wiggles concert with their kids and just going, man, they're transfixed, I can just sneak out? You know, sit in the car. What, like the people that came for our stand-up and then snuck out for the podcast? Kind of, yeah. All right, that's a good question.

Nah, I don't reckon. I don't reckon because I think that's why having kids is so brutal because, you know, you can't treat... Sorry, sorry. Pronounce it correctly. Brutal. Brutal. Or if you're Pretty Plank.

Fuck. Pretty Plank. That's fucking... Everyone pick on the disabled guy. It's so funny that you're mental. Anyway. No, no, no. You can't be cavalier with kids.

You get in heaps of trouble. You just get in heaps of trouble if you let them out of your sight ever. It's so exhausting. You know, like, because when you get a dog, because you, like, got a dog and you think you're ready for kids because you got a dog, but, like, you're fully allowed to not know where your dog is at sometimes. Do you know what I mean? Like, so you really have no idea.

Anyway. Hey, thanks for being here because we sort of booked you not that long ago. We knew these guys were going to be in town so it was going to be great. We only found out you were going to be in town not that... Sorry, I'm trying to listen to Carl

but Brett is trying to signal to me that there is an emu export for me. And he's really passionate about it and I refuse to fucking touch him. Well, you keep saying you're from Perth and all I'm saying is Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it!

Prove it! Prove it! Wow, this really does sound like the Wiggles now. But Brett just did offer you a peer, so you should fucking Oh, I've given away too many of my vulnerabilities. Hey, we're not like that. We fucking are.

I mean, when you were texting me and I thought you were a girl, I was like, Ian, I was going to treat you like an absolute princess. Oh, you might have got a lot of bussy. I love full-on penetration. God, now I know how Dastyari fell to that bar. Just getting brutalised. Shut up,

you bum cunt. Hey, no, thanks for doing the gig, because you were in town for something else, and we got you to extend your stay, because we thought,etically it would be good as insurance to book a fourth guest just in case the third guest that we had booked pulled

out. And what do you know? Anyway, hopefully he's doing alright. He ran into that same guy you did. he ran into that same guy you did that uh dude

was he the guy you called the ambulance for you're like man don't send him off to the hospital get him on the fucking show he's only 20 getting him to turn up is like finding a needle

in a haystack and he's pretty good at finding needles. Anyway. Yeah, that was partially the joke. Put that in my next email to you. Gee, would you vouch me on that one? No, fuck no. Now that I know you think

your name's pretty plague, it's fucking not right. Thank you for stepping in for someone who is not turned up. I was here for gigs. I did a gig last night with you and Tommy and Brett and Brett's folks

were there. They were. Brett's mum and dad saw you guys do your little comedy. They were very sweet. In the morning mum goes, I had a great time. I've seen your friend Carl before. I've seen him on the telly. And is his mate Tommy doing anything good lately?

And I was like, and I told Carl that. And I was like, calm down, Carl. She probably thinks you're fucking Sean McAuliffe, you know. You've got real bad eyes. You're both silver foxes, you know. I am that funny, fair. Yeah, you're Milo Kerrigan funny, yeah. I'll take that.

Fuck, he's funny. He is funny. Yeah, he talks like Brett. Good England, fair enough. Hey, so, Mike, here's another thing I've just found out about you recently, which I've become a little bit fascinated with and I haven't talked to you about. Right. Are you a massive germaphobe?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's totally true. It's actually true, isn't it? Yeah. Someone told me that you do a gig, if you're like emceeing. There it is, get it out. Oh, is it there? I'm just patting to his pants. I know he's got dental on him at all times. No, no, no. You just patted my penis, actually.

Fuck, it stings. Man, my... So, you've got... So, you've got the... If you emcee, you then walk off stage and immediately fucking rub yourself raw. Oh, emceeing's the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Emceeing is the worst because, you know, especially

if it's like a night with like 15 people on and they've all been just nervously jacking off all day, right? Where I've just been doing it normally. Just every time Tommy Dazzler walks on stage. Exactly, yeah, the worst. On a scale of you to Ronnie Chang, where would you say you sit? Is Ronnie... So Ronnie's just purely autistic though, yeah?

But Ronnie showers every time he takes a shit. Oh, right. Does he do a handstand? Have we talked about this? Is that the... No.

I think we have, yeah. Okay, yeah. That's come up, yeah. That seems like he would have to. If you're a germaphobe, how do you feel being that close

to that haircut? Go easy. Tommy doesn't have that much hair. This isn't a choice, brother. Well, thanks, Hoops. Thanks for replacing Greg Fleet because you are, you know, you're from the Great Australian Bake Off. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, which is a cooking show. You replaced Greg Fleet from another cooking show. Breaking Bad. Sorry, that's Precking Pad. Oh, now I get it. Yeah. So your ears are dyslexic as well now. Is that what's happening?

Yes, Carl. Fuck, I think we've broken him. Nah, I'm still good, baby. Broken him. This stuff writes itself. Really confused as to what's wrong and what's right. This stuff dances around the page by itself. It writes itself.

It writes itself incorrectly. Yeah. Do we know Fleet is okay? Like, can we laugh? It writes itself incorrectly. Yeah. Do we know Fleety's okay? Like, can we laugh about Fleety and then you won't have to pull the podcast in under mysterious circumstances? Oh, interesting. We need to timestamp it and say we weren't aware.

Yeah, no, Fleety may sue us if lawyers are free these days. Or he hasn't sold his iPod, which he listens to this on. Yeah, something like that. I bared. All right, I'll stop. It's always good when you find out the limit of the running joke. Like, all right, that's it. I reckon we've got a ten-minute limit until it becomes funny again.

If we give it ten minutes off, it'll be funny next time. Call it down. Someone set an alarm for that. Not you. What, you think he's so dumb he can't even trust an alarm going off on his wrist? Well, he did know the difference between 5 and 12. Good point. Good point.

It said, there was a big sign that said, it said Gates 1 to 11, and then underneath it said 12 to 56. I was like, fuck, it's all here. And then I read, it's all here. And then I looked closer and it said, 12 to 56, other side of the terminal, move immediately. I was like, all right, it's all coming. But I just saw you set the alarm on your watch.

You set it for 7pm. Mate, it hasn't even been, it's only been 34 seconds and it's back to being funny again. You just broke the land speed record on that one. That was pretty good. Yeah, Brett, when I flew over on Friday, I also walked down all the way to the 1 to 11 and then I had to run back and go through security. It's confusing.

Again on the other, I also did it and I thought, and I'm a bloody platinum. I know what I'm doing. How many slabs of emus do you bring back with you? That's my next question. Oh, yeah, three. I can have three. So I can bring yours for you.

But no, because you were talking before and the security, I was like running and looking a bit panicked and he went Perth does he just say it

there for a fucking reaction yeah no no no it's because you guys just all look the same alright we could be related

couldn't we when you go to the airport does he just go mate the bus is out the front, Maryborough. This technology is confusing for you people. Yeah, they say the puss is out the front. Hey, two minutes 40, that's why it's not funny, dickhead.

You held on another 20 seconds, you would have got it, brah. Anyway, I've got one, but I'm going to warm this egg would have got it, brah. Anyway. I've got one, but I'm going to warm this egg for a little bit before we bring it out. Oh, I wonder what it is. Is this a P or B? No, it's a P or P. The way the battery goes to.

Shut up, dickhead. It's bickhead. Don't get greedy. Yep. There's plenty here for everyone. Hey, so when we were talking about the Facebooks before, so we have a private group of you, a bunch of people maybe in it here.

We have our public page, the fan page, and then we have a private group called the People Aware of the Little Dum Dum Club. It's a great way for the fans to interact with everywhere and sperm. It's a great way for the fans to keep in touch. So someone put... You know so it's a great way for fans to keep in touch so someone put and it's you know it's a lot of fun some people fucking take it too far but anyway it's interesting really your fans yeah exactly the pan hammer has had to come down a couple times which is unfortunate the pan hammer but anyway um oh now i get it

you're ruining it For everyone mate I know But when you put Lobs up at the net I can't help But fucking do it So Anyway

I'm the Roger Federer Of dumb cunts So So someone put this Up the other day Which you know A lot of people

Put stuff up That you go Oh we've seen that before We get it That's a joke That's something Oh the duck sandwich I get it

Yeah cool So Someone put up In the group That they just put up Like an ad for a bar slash restaurant that's for sale in Koh Samui. And we were like, Yes.

Fucking, let's look into this. What's he want? He wants 40K? Yeah, it's 40 grand. But what I like as well is that the link was like to buy this restaurant slash bar in Koh Samui and the ad's on Gumtree. That's where you sell a scooter, isn't it?

You don't sell a fucking restaurant on Gumtree. But anyway, he wants 40K and we were like, oh, that's very funny. It's pretty cheap. Yeah, then we started looking into it a lot. And we're like, fuck, we raised a lot of money to go to Koh Samui last year. Oh, fuck, here's the next Patreon. I said to you, here's the scary thing. If we put up a fundraiser to buy this bar,

we would absolutely get the money. Yeah. I sent a message to Milan going, how funny is this? He goes, I'm in. It's the only time he would make money by buying shots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you start to go, like, it's 40k, but he would take less than that,

because if you're advertising on Gumtree, you're not going well, I reckon. Yeah, we can talk this clown down, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and the ad's been up there for, like, three or four months or something. Like, I reckon he can come down. So you start to look to Milan, you start to look to other friends at the show and stuff.

People are like, fuck yeah, yeah, I'm in. I mean, Nick Capper said it, but what's he going to chip in? That means I'm in, yeah. Which means your mum's in. Oh, we got there. Mrs. Allsob, yeah. Fuck. Anyway, so... Yeah, I was like, oh, this is funny. Mrs. Allsob yeah fuck anyway

so yeah I was like oh this is funny and then you actually had a genuine interest and once you

because I can have these crazy ideas about Koh Samui and of course I'm going to have them but once you sign off on something it's like

fuck this might be actually happening yeah I'm just going with the current now you know I get it it's like fine

I love it the idea that you and I just co-own a business in Koh Samui. That's so good. Like, it's so fucking good. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, what better event for the 2017 Koh Samui Podcast Festival? 2018.

Sorry, 2018. Than for one of the nights to be the grand opening of Dum Dums Samui, you know? Yeah, yeah. I don't know if it's actually a good business idea because Danny McGinley might start a bar next door and offer free drinks at your venue if you purchase one of his. It's a long bow, but it sort of went all right.

Back on there, baby. Because I was thinking about names for the restaurant because it's like a bar slash restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Little Dumb Dumb Nightclub. Oh, yeah. Not bad. Yeah.

Or like, you know how Thai restaurants always have like those puns in the name? They have like, you know, bow tie or, you know, something like that. I thought like Thai that noose around your neck. Because the great thing about anything that's too specific is just like any just random tourist driving past is like what the fuck's this? And I figure it's like you know McDonald's is like a family restaurant with me it'll be like a secret family

restaurant So is this a retirement plan? I don't get what the fuck No this is a current plan like we could do this now. Because I was thinking like buy a restaurant in Thailand is It's the same discussion Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey are having right now.

Yeah, and I'm from that show House of Cunts. Why don't you name it after yourselves? Just call it Sperm Everywhere, Wink. And just have a big neon wink. Oh, yes. Well, I thought, you know, the temptation is to sort of go like, you know, anything with 69ing in the name.

But we can't do that because there's already on the island of Coastal Moo, there's already a Cafe 69. So why don't we just go with Cafe Up The Bum No Babies? That'd be good. That'd get the punters in, so to speak. I was trying to think of, like, what the, you know,

if we had a theme, like a hard rock cafe or whatever it is. I'm like, what about if we have, like, Dum Dum Theme? So it's like the Dumb Cunt Cafe. Yeah. And we have, like, all memorabilia in there. Oh, great. There's a giant glass case full of all the weight

that Dilbrook lost once. Like the kids table where kids get to count all the matchsticks that Ronnie Chang's left there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My fringe from 10 years ago, that's there.

You could even have like themed drinks there. Like you could have the Paul foot. It's just a real long wine. I like this idea, the Hard Cock Cafe. That's good. Yeah.

You could have the Irish coffee, change the Scottish coffee in tribute to Dave Callan. Well, I thought, you know, like, it's that thing of, like, you know, sometimes, like, bars will be sort of named after people, so you go Carl's or whatever. Well, I wanted to have one that was, like, a know, sometimes like bars will be sort of named after people, so you go Carl's or whatever. Well, I wanted to have one that was like a reference to like a recent episode, but we didn't name the person on the episode.

So the bar would have to be called Unnamed Ethnic Comedians. And it's just a normal bar, but we only accept payment in silver coins. Oh. Oh, shit. in silver coins.

They're all gold. Someone in the front row thinks that we're a busking podcast. I've heard of anti-Semitism but someone just threw gold coins at a Jew. That was funny. Someone's been looking for the right moment to throw a bunch of dollar coins

at us, which is a callback to a few episodes ago when I got paid in dollar coins. Oh my God. Man, I'm very happy because I need to do my washing tomorrow, so I'm going to steal that, brother. Thank you. Man,

that's great. That could buy a wall in the Koh Samui fucking restaurant. That's fine. You get a drink named after you, brother. Good on you. Yeah, totally. What would the drink be called? Carl, I'll let you take this one. Actually, no. Tommy's been very racist today. Tommy?

Tommy? Another idea I had, Nick Carr's authentic Thai cuisine restaurant. Oh, yeah. It's a bar and grill that serves only spaghetti bolognese, and we have Napoli sauce cocktails and free topless haircuts. Why not the

Adam Hills bar? Everyone gets leg licks. I love that you brought up the topless haircut because guess who's just booked in a flight with the one and only great Nick Capper. He probably hit you up for money, so you're probably aware of this. I'll be hearing about it.

We're heading to his hometown to get some haircuts in about two months. We're doing a gig in... In Toowoomba. In Toowoomba. And you're going to get the topless haircut. And I just said, he goes, man, can you come do this gig here?

I was like, oh, nah. And he goes, dude, you can get your haircut in the vault by a topless. I was like, I'm fucking in, dude. I can't believe anyone would suggest you need a haircut. Yeah. Just the sides, the back's fine. Hoops for context, there's a strip club in Toowoomba that we found out about in the show where you can get topless haircuts.

Why didn't you explain that to Mike G? Did you just assume I knew that shit? Yeah. Mike G knows all the topless places. I do, of course, yeah. So what, the fuck? It's a strip club that one of the previous guests, Nick Carr, did a gig at.

So you can imagine how well a gig at a strip club went. Very good. And then you can go to the back vault and you can get your hair cut by a stripper. Right. But it's in a bank. Yeah, it's very confusing. Yeah, I don't understand. It's Toowoomba, so it makes sense.

Yeah. There's a topless woman with scissors cutting at people. Oh, yeah. That sounds safe. There's a topless woman with scissors Cutting at people Oh yeah That sounds safe Fleety's there scoring a deal right now Fleety hasn't turned up has he Wow Has he

Has he No of course he hasn't He would have fucking scooped up those coins We're out. We're swimming for a couple of moments there. We got there. We got there. Also, have you made contact with the guy with the listing of the bar?

I have. Yeah, I have. Of course he has. I hit him up for a few details. What's it like over there? Is there a webcam? If I look out the window, is anyone about to head into a Wiggles concert?

Hey, it'd be like a fake Wiggles concert over there. Well, at least the pirate would be there. Yeah, no, I have contacted you, but like nothing funny. I'm just literally asking real questions going, is this a legitimate thing that we could actually do? Right.

Because I got an email from a listener through our account who saw that post on the Facebook group and touched base to say, hey, guys, I saw the post on your Facebook page about potentially buying a bar in Koh Samui. Just putting it out there that you do go through with this and you need someone to manage the bar. I happen to live in Koh Samui. What putting it out there that you do go through with this and you need someone to manage the bar. I happen to live in Koh Samui. What?

And I spend a lot of time around bars. A lot of the locals know my name. I'd love to help out if I can as I'm a huge fan of the show. I even chip into Patreon every month. And that comes to us from Norm Peterson Comedy. So... I thought it was going to say from Carl's wife. Fuck, you actually had me there.

Where everybody knows you're a cunt. Because it did take me down a bit of a wormhole there where I started looking at a lot of other businesses for sailing personal. And I'll let you, I'll propose to you and that doesn't come easy from me. There's also a subway we could buy for 80k over there. Shit.

Imagine moving to Koh Samui and running a subway. And the subway costs more than the bar. Like we get no say over what happens with the subway. Totally, totally. We can't just call it dumb cunt subway. Like it has to be a subway. Imagine the thing of like moving like going, oh, I'm going to just live in Thailand from now

and sit and fucking give people meatball subs all day. What a weird life. But I'm slightly into it. It still sounds slightly okay.

Yeah. It's in a good location. Yeah okay. Meatball subs will get Nick Carr's dick hard. Alright I'm happy to buy this sandwich shop off you as long as we

can put duck on the menu. That's all you ask. I know it's very off-brand for the franchise. Look, I'll buy it myself. Yeah, it's a very Thai delicacy. We need to fit in with the locals. Hey, so I feel like, have we been going for quite a while?

Is it maybe time that we do Australia's most popular and longest-running radio serial? I think it might be. Can we get the theme music? I know I'm looking forward to reading out loud. LAUGHTER It's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just riding around in the Rad Dad way Gotta watch the kids, the cat and the dog

Now see me be right in your catalog Yeah Word to your mother Cause I'm Rad Dad He's the raddest dad in town Rad Dad. It's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just riding around in the Rad Dad way. Gotta watch your kids, your cat and your dog.

Now see me be right in your catalog. Yeah. Word to your mother. cause I'm Rad Dad. He's the raddest dad in town, Rad Dad. Well Jenny, here we are, it's your dream come true, we're in Koh Samui, Thailand. Rad Dad, not only is it not my dream, you really shouldn't have told the Make-A-Wish Foundation that it was my dying wish for us to both come here. And also, I do not have, in your words, pussy cancer.

Hey, Jenny, prevention is better than cure. You can never be too careful. Now, Rad Dad, what was so important that we had to come all the way over here again? Jenny, you know how you're always complaining about how I don't own a bar in Thailand? No. Well, good news. I've used our life savings and your university fund to buy us a restaurant bar in the island of Koh Samui.

What university fund? Well, I sold my collection of Mambo Velcro wallets to Cash Converters. Anyway, this is it right here, Jenny. Check it out. Do you like the look of it? I don't know, Rad Dad. Do you really think a Triple J in the 90s themed bar in Thailand is a good idea? Well, maybe you'll change your mind about the idea

once you have a sip of this My Happiness cocktail. Careful not to drink too much and end up regurgitating. And also a joke one about Machine Gun Flow here that I haven't worked out yet. Rad dad, I'm 12 years old. Good point. We've got to get you working at the local Nike factory. I think there are already too many dodgy fuckhead expat Australians who look like they're on a sex tourism holiday over here

looking at me with the words, just do it in their eyes. In fact, here comes some absolute bogan looking fuckhead right now. holiday over here looking at me with the words just do it in their eyes in fact here comes some absolute bogan looking fuckhead right now Wow a customer what's your name sir my name is Carl Chandler well welcome to Koh Samui you look. You probably haven't even been here before or have any faint idea about the place. If you have any questions about this island, just ask me. And who have you got with you there?

My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sorry my voice is deeper than usual. I've got a cold. Wow, I know I'm only 12 years old, so this is a little weird to say, but man, I want a 69 this guy. That's extremely weird of you to say for so many reasons. Oh, this is a long one. Fuck.

We're here for the biggest podcast festival in Thailand. You know what a podcast is, don't you? Sorry, mate, but podcasts are a little lame even for me Is yours any good? Can I download it onto my Walkman? Fuck, there's three lines in this, Jesus Mate, I'm not sure if you know the rules here But you can be sentenced to death for insulting the King of Thailand And that's me

So Come on, something cunt. Cop an apocoa cunt. Anyway, figure it out, cunts. Dyslexia is a terrible disease. My apologies, you royal fuckhead. So anyway,

what's your favourite part of Thailand? My favourite, my favourite Thailand is part... Oh, you're doing this to fuck with me, aren't you? You absolute idiot. Oh, no. I was like, oh, you've fucking ruined it.

No, fuck you. My favourite part of Thailand is everywhere I ran and everywhere I can. You fuck, you. We just deliberately put random words there by the way. Comedy! I was like, man, don't kick in now, dude. And I was like, oh no, he's fucking with you.

Fuck. Well, anyway, that's a great answer. Thanks, Carl. Alright, forget about these sex pests for a minute, Rad Dad. Who's this other person in the bar? Oh. Oh, yeah, I'm the dumb cunt. Well, Jenny, I figure I can be the front of house in this pub whilst you can be the cook, right?

So that means we need a cleaner. So this is our new employee, Isaac Jaisinger. Hi, Jenny. I'm Isaac. There's nothing more I like than picking up food that people have been chewing on and removing it from tables, even going so far as eating leftovers and licking my fingers afterwards. As I always say, my name is Isaac Jaisinga, and I love germs. Wow, your last name is Jaisingaya and you're eating food you shouldn't

be eating. Now I've heard everything. Oh, okay. So we had a bit written here for Fleety, but he's not here. And so we were thinking maybe we could just get someone from the audience to play Fleety. Should we get Dillron to do it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to do it?

Dillron, get up here, brother. Do you want to do it? Dillron, get up here, brother. Do you want to grab... Yeah, do you want to give him the script? Yeah, and grab the mic. Yeah, awesome. All right. You know where we're up to? Please don't say you're dyslexic as well.

Of course. Hang on. So we're not up to him yet, are we? Yeah. So you have to... No, I intro you. Yeah, yeah. Okay, you ready?

Yeah. Okay. All right. You're called audience in the script. Yeah, yeah. Okay, you ready? Okay. All right. You're called audience in the script. Yeah. Okay, here comes another dodgy type rad dad. It looks like a certain legend of Australian comedy. I reckon the conclusion of this episode is going to be pretty fucking hilarious now that he's shown up.

The absolute master of comic timing himself. Hello, I'm Greg Fleet. Oh, he's done it again. Well, you're a fellow Australian in Thailand. What do you do over here? Well, don't tell anyone, but I smuggle drugs. Wow, you mean you hide them in your bag or

up your bum? Even better, I put them up where no one ever looks to check. In my veins. Because... in my veins because because I'm a dirty, dirty junkie he's probably riddled with AIDS. Whoa, whoa. Not cool, man. That is not even in the script.

Not at all. Man, that's Not cool. That's a legend of Australian comedy, you piece of shit. A little bit of... Just a little bit of respect next time, guys, all right? I mean, that's cool for us to say because we know him,

but fucking hell. Anyway, I didn't think I could find a worse adult role model than Rad Dad, but now... Actually, no, it's still Rad Dad. Well, we sure have learned a lot today, most about the audience member and what a disrespectful piece of shit they are. But if you'll excuse me, all this talk about smuggling

drugs up the arse has given me an idea. That's right, I'm going to go jack off to my Pamela Anderson poster. Aww, Rad Dad! go jack off to my Pamela Anderson poster. Aw, rat dad. Big round of applause for Dildon, everyone. Yeah! Man, you know what?

I felt like a good one. I'm not going to vouch for you. Please don't. You know what? I'm not going to vouch for you. Please don't. You know what? I feel like that's it, but... Way to end on a high, dude. Flawless dismount. Someone has been

ringing me from a landline all episode. Oh, well, this can only... This can only be good news. Yeah, but it's not like there's someone There's people here That have been ringing me From their mobile as well So fuck you

But But there's Don't put your fucking hand up So Someone's rung me Six times from a landline Should I ring it back? It just feels like

It's Something Rehab fleeting It's what? Rehab fleeting It probably is fleeting I didn't say that An audience member did

But very funny. Fleety is ending on a high right now. Sorry, who's this? I'm calling from Dominos North Beach. Did you say Domino's in Northbridge? Domino's or Pomino's? And what were you asking about I've got six missed calls

you had an order under my name for 26 Hawaiian pizzas oh man I could really go some pizza right now I did not put in that order I'm sorry pizza. Oh man, I could really go some pizza right now. I did not put in that order, I'm sorry. It's someone making something up. I'm really sorry. Tell him sperm says hi. Thank you. Bye.

Do the winky so he knows it's you. Fuck, should I have got them delivered or not? Yes! I fucking love a pizza right now. Especially a wine. Fuck, should I have got them delivered or not? Yes. I fucking love a pizza right now. Yeah. Especially your wine.

Yes. But here's the weird thing. He goes, did you want all those pizzas, Mike? That wasn't me. I wish. I wish I had it. Fucking Domino's as dyslexic as you. Who did it?

Did someone do it? I'm looking at you, Dillron I ate them already He gets it You counted all the slices and then you ate them Alright Alright, it feels like we should wrap this up for another week of the Little Dumb Dumb Club Big round of applause, Claire Hooper

Mike Goldstein Brett Blake Feels like we should wrap this up for another week of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Big round of applause. Claire Hooper. Mike Goldstein. Brett Blake. Perp, thank you so much for coming out. You guys are so fucking awesome every year. We love coming here. We'll see you next time. Thanks for listening at home and we'll see you next week.

See you. Bye, Parth. Parth comedy. And we're back from Path. Pathing it right up. I got the red eye home and it was the worst. I, for the first time, didn't get the red eye and it was the best. But still hard.

That time difference, it's not huge, but it does fuck you. Yeah, yeah. It was, you know what, I couldn't have been on a better plane as well. It was a fucking great plane. It was a brand new plane. I was on a brand new plane. Oh, nice. It was, you know what? I couldn't have been on a better plane as well. It was a fucking great plane. It was a brand new plane. I was on a brand new plane. Oh, nice. It was like a week old or something. Wow.

It was awesome. But yeah, not the best circumstances of being, you know. Not a way to enjoy it. No, no, no, no. So, but highly recommend that plane, but I'm not going to give them a plug. Why? Well, why? It's not their fault that you chose to fly

at a ridiculous time yeah yeah no I'm saying it was a good plane you know I just don't need to give them a play oh they're doing fine

they've got stuff going on they're fine you know maybe I've got a vested interest in other airlines I've come to realise the main thing I hate I've gotten a lot of red eyes

this year and the thing I hate about it most is I mean not so much the fact that it fucks you up for the next day. I like being on a plane. I like having just unfiltered time, get

stuff done, catch up on some movies in the backlog, play some video games and when I feel like I have to sleep I'm like, this is a shame. You know, this is just good leisure time going to waste. Look, I would love to sleep on a plane, it'd be fine but it's just very hard to happen. Everything's working against you, isn't it? Yeah, I. Look, I would love to sleep on a plane. It'd be fine, but it's just very hard to happen.

It's just not going to... Everything's working against you, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I was on the aisle seat. I genuinely love the aisle seat, but you're not going to sleep on the aisle seat. Can't sleep on it. You need the window. No, no.

You need the window if you want to sleep. Yeah, anyway. We're back now. Loved Path. This was a great, yeah, a great trip. Yeah, I hope you enjoyed it. A rare thing for us where we had too much stuff to talk about in the episode. Yeah.

And ended up with a little on the cutting room floor for the next one we do, which is good. Yeah, yeah. We did have a lot in there in that sometimes people go, you should give the guests a bit more time to talk. It's like, they can talk whenever they want. No one's telling them not to talk. We just had a lot of stuff so that, like we've said before, so many guests come on. And, you know, we've literally brought this up to guests before where we come on and we go, so what have you

brought for the show? You know? And they go, oh, I didn't know I had to bring anything. They just come. So just so you know, the guests like it when we dominate conversation and have something to talk about that they can just chip off the side of. Yeah. So many people, so many of those comedians go on their own podcast or on other shows,

on radio, and they save all their good stories for that or their stand-up. They don't want to bring it on our one. But yeah, this was great. Wonderful time in Perth as always. And yes, thank you once again to everyone who came out. Now, you can, of course, subscribe to this show. And that's a good way of supporting us. If you like what we do, you enjoy getting it for free,

but you want to chip in and show your appreciation, you can subscribe on Patreon, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. And that's not just for people that feel like they want to chip in out of the goodness of their hearts because there's plenty of people that just want more content. They're doing it not out of the kindness of their hearts, they're doing it for their returns. They're completionists not out of the kindness of their hearts. They're doing it for their returns. They're completionists.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. They want the box set. Yeah. So they want the extra podcast that we sent out. They want the magazine

that we sent out. They want their names read out, which is where this section comes in, where we read a random number of listener names

that subscribe to patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club every week. Different every week. Different number every week. Different names every week. I cannot insist that enough. We do not read the same names every week. Not always true, but anyway. Well, yeah, so

we will read a random number every week. This week, if you don't mind, I'm going to choose. You always get to choose, but sure. Yeah, well, I think this week would be a good week to choose, I think, for once. Okay. Well, you can choose next week.

How about that for a deal? All right. All right. Because I've got the names in front of me. I've only got a certain amount of names. So there's no use you choosing 17. Maybe we're going to pick the same number. Who knows?

If you choose 17, I don't have 17 in front of me. Well, I'm not going to choose 17. Well, how do I know that? Well, now you know because I've just told you. Well, there's one number we've eliminated. Yes. Like we could go on like that forever. Let's do it this way.

No. Let's each go through the numbers we don't want to do. Let's play what number am I thinking of forever. What number am I not thinking of? Yeah. Yeah. Right. Okay.

Let's get into it. All right. I want to – I've chosen three this week We're going to do three, three names Okay, you all ready for that? I hate this What do you mean? You hate the whole segment or? Yeah, my life

Alright, let's crack into it Despite your unhappiness, I don't know what you're unhappy with But anyway, it's pretty unprofessional But let's push through It looks like I'm holding up this half of the, but anyway, it's pretty unprofessional, but let's push through. It looks like I'm holding up this half of the show this week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking, all right. Yeah, I'm unprofessional.

Here we go. Right. So, hang on. What? Why am I? No, no, no. Go on. Let's do three.

That insinuates I'm unprofessional. Let's do three then. All right. Okay. All right. Let's sort this out later rather than on the show. Anyway. So, thank you to Patreon subscriber, first cab off the rank this week, Jeff Martin.

Jeff Martin. Yep, the man with two first names. You know, some people think that's... I mean, I see it the other way. I see him as a guy with two last names. It just happens he's got a bit of a shit last name. I'm just calling it. What?

I'm calling it. What? This is... What? Hands down... What? This is the most boring name that has ever subscribed on the Patreon. I get it. Look, big respect to you.

Yep. Trying to fucking put glitter on shit. Thank you. With the two first names. It's not deserving of that. It is not deserving. This deserves nothing. Okay.

What about this thing? We change his name. Okay, great. Right. What about this thing? We change his name. Okay, great. Right. Great. So, Jeff, sorry, Jeff. You're the artist, you're the subscriber formerly known as Jeff Martin. Here comes your new name.

What do you think? Now, look, as a quick, easy fix, I would say change it to Martin Jeff because Jeff is a last name. There's something there. Yeah, Martin. See, Martin as a last name. There's something there. Yeah, Martin. Even Martin as a first name is a little more interesting. Jeff, I've never ever heard of anyone called Jeff as a surname. No.

But look, that's just a slight little tweak. What do you got? You give me your fantasy name. You give him the name that you've always wanted. Okay, Martin Big Dong. Martin, hang on. I understand why you'd want martin but but what but why big dong because it's like it's it's it's a high it's hyphenated is that is that vietnamese because you've been to vietnam yeah that's that's what it is right so

you've just got the passion for my love of love of Vietnam shining through. Right. I really loved it there. You want to be rich because they deal in dong as currency over there. Yes, exactly. I want a big amount of dong in my trousers. Right. All right. And you're tucked in your pocket. Creating a big pulsing kind of like wad in the corner of my tight jeans.

Because a lot of people don't like to carry around too much dong as they're on the street. Are there people that don't like that? Yeah. Oh, the currency. Right. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Well, that's what we're saying. We don't like to carry around too much dong as they're on the street. Are there people that don't like that? Yeah. Oh, the currency. Right. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Well, that's what we're saying.

We don't want to get robbed. Exactly. You don't want anyone pinching your dong. You're an easy target. You don't want anyone pinching all your dong. And crime, look, crime's pretty rife over there. Yeah. You really got to be alert.

You got to check your dong, make sure it's not fake. There's a lot of dong scams going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People trying to get at that dong under false pretenses. You're trying to, you know, and someone tries to steal your pin

as you're trying to pull that dong out of that slot in the wall. I do keep my pin number folded up on a sheet of paper in my pocket. Right.

Right next to my dong. Right, right, right. Yeah. Okay, well now I get it. You want to be a Vietnamese millionaire, that's why. And you want,

and Jeff Martin, you know, you're passing that idea. Sorry, who? The artist formerly, the subscriber formerly known as Jeff Martin. Now known as Martin Big Dong.

Martin Big Dong. Right, right. Okay. Well, thanks Martin. Thanks Martin. And you know what?

I'd like to think that he's saying, thanks Tommy and Carl. Yeah. For changing my life. If you go and you legally now change your name by deed polder martin big dong we'll refund your patreon yeah that's great we'll give you the fucking three bucks back or what you've kicked in that's a that's a very that's a that's a good deal yes yeah and by giving him that money back we've given him a few more dong yeah fantastic everyone's happy yeah fuck dreams come true on this show well thanks for

this is the real make a wish foundation yeah alright that's one down two thirds to go great so

thank you to Patreon subscriber Dan Dennis Dan Dennis yeah good lord I spoke too soon I think you're

overlooking something I think you're overlooking something the fact that a big double D has just I think you're overlooking something. I think you're overlooking something. The fact that a big double D has just subscribed to our patron. You're right. I am overlooking something. Yeah. I think your dong is just about to become a bit bigger.

Had a sudden injection into the old bank account. Yeah, exactly. Stimulus package, so to speak. A big beef injection into your bank account. Centrelink's come in. Dan Dennis, the double D himself, has chipped in. The big old double Ds. Yeah, Dan.

Now, there's a man that could swap his name as well, Dennis Dan. Dennis Dan. No? It's a little top heavy, you know? He's a bit top heavy. Right, okay. Interesting. I tell you what, he's been very up-front with his contribution this week.

Very ample. Yeah. I feel like it's hard to know, it's hard to find good things to say about this name. It's making us look like a couple of real boobs. Well, I mean, he's a recent subscriber, and I know how much you like to be kept abreast of all the recent contributions to this show.

Hey, you know, he's chipped in. We've talked about him on the show tit for tat, as far as I'm concerned. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, that's fair enough. Big, juicy boobs. Yeah. Yes.

Dan Dennis. Boy, we're going to get complaints about this. People are going to turn up at my door. They're going to be banging on the front door. There'll be a couple of knockers there just... God. That's something. Fuck, bring back Jeff Martin.

That's something. Thanks, DD. Thanks, Double D. All right, whatever the next number is, let's get into this one. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Joel Dawkins. Joel Dawkins? Yeah. Wow.

Well, he listens to a podcast, so Dawkins by name, Dawkins by nature. Very nice. Dawkins, is there a – Wait, is it like as in Richard Dawkins? Well, it's the same spell. Okay, right. I had a fantasy that it was literally D-O-R-K-I-N-S. No, no, no.

That would have been great. No. Who's Richard Dawkins again? He's the, I don't know, he's the scientist-y dude. Scientist-y dude. He's the... What would you say... So he's got the scientist job.

Wow. Any people listening now just think we are fucking idiots. I mean, they thought that already. I reckon there's a lot of people that don't know who Richard Dawkins is that listen to this show. Like, I know who he is, but I don't know what he does. Do you know what I mean? I'm not one of these guys.

I know he's got people that froth on what he does, but you know, not for me. I feel like I've seen a lot of posters for him on signposts going, come and see him lecture about fucking something. Yeah. He's one of these, he's like a, isn't he like an evolutionary sort of dude? Yeah, some of that. He's all like anti-religion sort of stuff. This is the one bit that people are going to pick up on this week, I know.

And I don't want any feedback off this. Yeah. If I want to find out who fucking Richard Dawkins is, I'll look it up. Yeah. I've got the internet. Exactly. I've got it right in front of me. Yeah.

I've got it open right now. So if I wanted to look it up, I would look it up. I don't the internet. I've got it right in front of me. I've got it open right now. So if I wanted to look it up, I would look it up. I don't want to know. That's it. I mean, people assume that just because you don't know about something, that it's like a fault on your part. It's like, guess what? I could have found that out whenever I wanted. I just don't fucking care to. You don't need to fix me. Yeah. Alright?

I'm doing okay. Do not DM us about this bit. You know what? If you're going to DM us about anything, get into the stuff from before. Yeah. That's the stuff we want to hear about. DD us. Don't DM us.

Share us your double D experiences. Oh, God. We don't want to hear about what you think about fucking Dawkins. You're saying you want nudes sent to us. Is that what you're saying? I'm not saying that at all. I'm not saying that people – What would you –

Hey, it's a free world. If people want to do that to us, they can. If they want to show us their Dan Dennises, all their Martin Big Dongs. Yes, exactly. You'd rather not see that. Look, I'm not going to – I don't want this to be like an Anthony Weiner situation where I'm here soliciting for this stuff. Right.

But, you know, it's a free country. We're just ruling out that we want to be solicited with Richard Dawkins' information. I believe in freedom of speech. As long as that speech is, check out these nudes of me. Freedom of breaches. Anyway. Well, thanks, whoever that was. Thanks, Joel Dawkins.

Thanks, Joel Dawkins. Thanks, Joel. So next up. You said you wanted to do three. Yeah, I think that was the – That was three. This next one's the number two, I think. No, this next one's the fourth.

You said you wanted to do three, so that's the end of it. No, I think... Well, my records are... We've got two to go. We just did that first one. We did Geoff Martin, we did Dan Dennis, and then we did Joel Dawkins, so that's three. Some of those are not ringing a bell.

You said you wanted to do three. Some of those are not ringing a bell. I did think it was curious that you wanted to do three, but now I'm going to have to hold you to account. Look, now we've recorded these last two Patreon reads,

the last two episodes back to back. I think one of us has got confused and I think maybe it's you. It's typically you. I think it might be you. That's what I've got

in front of me. You've got it written down that it's me. Yeah, I've got that written. I just wrote it down. It's Tommy. As soon as you said

something I wrote it down. I wrote down Tommy with an X next to it. In 80 point font. It's Tommy. As soon as you said something, I wrote it down. I wrote down Tommy with an X next to it. In 80-point font, it's Tommy. Yes. Yes. I've got...

On your dumb-ass computer that doesn't have Word on it. I've got the names. You're using the default piece of shit app that comes pre-installed on the MacBook. That may be true still, but I've got... Has today already led to some serious administrational snafus? Look, I've got the list of subscribers and I've got a separate list of people who are wrong and it's got T Daslow

on that list. Oh yeah, on the list that's written on fucking text edit or whatever the default... How does a writer by trade not have Word installed on this computer? Do you just do all your Word... Do you just go into Google and do all your documents in the search bar

of Google? I just type it all in Photoshop with the paintbrush tool. Yeah, that's what I do. Give it that real handwritten feel. Yeah. With your Wacom tablet, it's like you're actually... Brush script? Yeah. Easy. Alright, so next up.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber number two for this week, Matt Saville. Saville. Yeah. Matt Saville. Yep. As in, now look, is it the same name as Notorious Monster of History? Jimmy Saville, I believe. Oh.

Same last name. It's an interesting name, especially because it's halfway between savage and civil, isn't it? Oh. It's kind of a bit of a – hey, it's a bit curious. They've got a foot in both camps, haven't they? It's like a bit of an angel and a devil on each shoulder. Exactly.

So it's like you commit to one. You commit to the bad side and it's like, I mean, well, it's all there in the name, isn't it? Well, it's half there in the name. You shouldn't be so shocked. This is like the neighbour who, you know, goes crazy and then the friends are like, oh, you know. He was always a nice guy.

He was always a nice guy. Or it's like kept to himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never saw him shoot anyone before now. But then he went and shot someone. So you're saying this guy might be a descendant of famous wrongdoer Jimmy. Matt, look, I'd like to think not, but... I'm sure he'd like to think that as well.

Well, look, Matt, if you are any relation, please let us know and we will make it public and let everyone know exactly who you are related to and share a lot of similar, you know, chromosomes too. And a big thing that came out about Jimmy was that, you know, so many people knew and you'd have to assume that his family are in on it too. Right.

And if that's the case, Matt, fucking shame on you. Yeah. Shame on you. Let us know if you knew, Matt. Give us a scoop. Yeah. This thing went all the way to about the middle. Yeah.

Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Matt. Yeah, let us know. You know, looking for a lot of feedback this week. So finally we get to the third one for this week. No, this is the... We finally get to the third and last, the final one. This is the fifth now.

Oh, lucky number three. This is the number... This is the fifth one. The numero... I mean. This is the number, this is the fifth one. The numero, numero tres. I mean, I was going to suggest that we do five, so I'm fine. I'm happy with this. Number trois in French. Number.

Numero trois. Fuck, I wish I knew what five was in French, but it's that. Well, no need. Irrelevant. Number three. So, number three, lucky last, lucky number three. Thank you to... Okay, very interesting.

Look, always happy to get overseas contributions and always nice to know that not all of our listeners live in Australia and we're always very interested when they come from a new country that we've never heard from before. So I think this might be... A country we've never heard from or a country we've never heard of? From. Okay.

From. I'd also be happy to discover new countries through this podcast. I think we've done a little bit of that. We have done before, yeah. No, this is from a country that we've heard of, I'm pretty sure. And I believe, you tell me if I'm wrong,

this is the first time we've had a subscriber from this country. Can't wait. Yep. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Count Comedyula from Transylvania, it says here. Yeah. Right.

Yep. Right. Have we had a Transylvanian subscriber before? Well, I mean, we have no way of knowing because you've lost the records. I've lost most of the records. MS Paint crashed on you and now we don't have any of the records. Yeah. I knew I shouldn't have updated it with all the new brushes that we're going to.

Yeah, it made it. That upgrade. That update made it all unstable. Yeah. You've got to wait until just after the big update, you know. Version 8.1. I wanted those 1.01. I want all those fancy new brushes and it's really backfired on me.

Look, it's not, you know, my memory's not the best, but it's not ringing any bells. Right, right. Okay, great. So new subscriber. You know what, to be honest, my memory's not the best, but I reckon I would have remembered if we'd had Count Comedy Euler read out on the Patreon

names before, but especially someone from Transylvania, that's all very memorable in my opinion. Don't know much about that part of the world, I have to say. Yeah, well, Count, if you've got any information, I'd like to think that maybe instead of... We're sort of sucking the blood out of his bank account maybe. Yeah, that's interesting.

Yeah, it's kind of like, you know, it's kind of a relationship where we sort of, we get our hooks into listeners. We kind of get our sort of, our comedy fangs, so to speak, into the listeners. Yep. And then we drain them of all their laughs. Yes.

And then they're converted. Yep. And then they're fans. They're aware. Yeah, they're mindless and then they sort of live forever. Yes. Can't look at their own reflection because of how disgusting they are. Can't eat garlic for some reason.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Become best friends with a werewolf. Great. Sure. That's a thing. Comedy.

Dead and loving it. This podcast sucks. dead and loving it this podcast sucks oh well and again I think that's the first count it's the first

we've had a few regal subscribers before as well so I believe that's the first person in that position in that job is that a job

or is it just a title is this an aristocracy or am I getting that wrong yeah maybe maybe is this guy related to Richard Dawkins or what yeah is this guy how. Is this an aristocracy or am I getting that wrong? Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Is this guy related to Richard Dawkins or what? Yeah.

Is this guy – how big is this guy boobs? Yeah. Well, thanks for reaching into your little change purse hidden there in the coffin and chipping in. Yeah. I don't know where the coffin came from, but anyway. And obviously, like, with Comedy Euler as a last name, I'm assuming once again that this is some sort of offspring of the generous comedy family.

Well, he doesn't have the same last name. Well, it's slightly... It's pretty similar. So you'd either think... But you know that thing when people come from another country and then they don't want to sound like, for example, like say the entire comedy family came from Transylvania and their names was Comedy Euler, but they came to Australia, they came to whatever and they didn't want to sound like that traditional Transylvanian

name, Comedy Euler. Comedy Euler, right. So the count, he's actually, he's the top of the family tree at this point. They're all descendants of him and they moved over generations ago. Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. Maybe, hypothetically. Yeah. I mean all descendants of him and they moved over generations ago. Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. Maybe, hypothetically.

Yeah. I mean, that's what I'm getting out of this. So they've all changed the name to Comedy just to fit in because that's more of an Australian name, obviously. No, you're right. You're right. It's a very Australian name. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

So, yeah, look, welcome aboard again, I guess, another part of the family. Always interested in this little mini version of Who Do You Think You Are or whatever that show is on SBS. Yeah, it's a real – they're not only chipping in for subscription for the content of this show, but I think all the comedy family are finding a little bit more about themselves by tuning in. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting to know how this all began,

that now so many of this one dynasty have chipped in. Yeah. You know, do you think it's just coincidence where there are kind of like long-lost relatives who happen to listen to this show? They're all drawn to it and they've lost contact with the family and this is their way of reaching out. Yes. And letting them know, hey, I'm still out there.

I'm still alive. This is their little beacon in the night. This is like the Christmas newsletter way of reaching out. Yes. And letting them know, hey, I'm still out there. I'm still alive. This is their little beacon in the night. This is like the Christmas newsletter. Yes. Yeah. Yes. This is their little, this is the way they keep in touch. Yeah, nice.

All right. Well, we're happy to use that. Happy to use that. Happy to be used. We're pretty close to being able to put out a series of trading cards. You go down the newsagent, you know, you get your, you know, your rint in comedy. He's like a, he's like a rare, like sparkly, shiny cat.

You know what I mean? Like we have like, who would be the rarest one? Gay Uncle Steve. Gay, no, yeah, gay, no, gay Uncle Comedy's husband, Steve. Yes. He'd be a rare one. Yeah. He'd be a rookie card.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there'd be, yeah, I look forward to it. I look forward to Tops putting that out. Tops yourself. Comedy family playing cards at the very least is something we should look into. That's not bad. Yeah, that's actually very good.

King comedy, queen comedy, jester comedy. Yeah, that's good. Rules for how to play poker comedy. Strip comedy. Yeah, strip comedy. All right for how to play poker comedy. Strip comedy. Yeah, strip comedy. All right, we'll look into that. That's very good.

Thank you to everyone. Thank you to everyone, including the people who are still waiting for their names to be read out. Regardless of the surname, regardless of what family you come from, we don't stress that enough. Yeah. I mean, we're thankful to this one big family, but hey, all of you who choose to chip in.

Yeah. Thanks very much, guys. And to this one big family, but hey, all of you who choose to chip in. Yep. Thanks very much, guys. And for people who are waiting for their names, we will get to you eventually if you remind me. You may be, you know,

you'll ensure that your name comes up. But thank you to everyone who contributes in any way. Come into the live show. Subscribe to the Patreon. Thanks very much, guys, and hope to see you very soon.

May I make a very quick request for anyone who likes doing fan art and creating their own kind of content off the back of this show? God, I would love to hear a super cut of all of the final names from the Patreon over the last year and a half. Right. If anyone has the inclination, God, that is something I would be interested in. That could be an album by itself. Right.

Sure. Sure. I'm happy with any. Anytime, you know what, our listeners have obviously got a very good sense of humour. So anytime they make anything creative, it's usually pretty good. It's always very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.

Thank you. So, yes, thanks for listening, guys. Thanks for chipping in. We really appreciate it. Come to a live show and we'll see you next week. See you, mates.