The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 375 - Andrew Stanley & Harley Breen

Episode Date: December 12, 2017

We've roped in ANDREW STANLEY and HARLEY BREEN for an official shareholders meeting! We discuss our Facebook group admin privileges and then we get into the nitty gritty of working out whether or not we can feasibly buy a bar in Thailand. Will it come off? Who wants in? What are we calling it? Is buying a Subway a better idea? Listen in to find out! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:MARYBOROUGH: Is this the worst idea ever? Let's find out! We're doing a live show in Karl's hometown. Tickets here.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with special guests Andrew Stanley and Harley Breen. But first of all, we have some stuff that we need to plug. January the 13th, we are heading back to the hometown of one of the hosts of the show. You can decide which one. Mary Burra, we're doing a big live episode. It's going to be awesome. Yeah, I think.

Saturday night, 7 o'clock. So if you want to drive up from wherever you're from and drive back again, you can do that. Otherwise, you can get cheap accommodation up there. I don't think we've had a group discussion about this, but I think I'll be kicking on. I'll be hanging out. We'll have guests of the show that we've been dragging up there,

but, man, it is going to be something special, something different, something – a big leap into the unknown. For better or worse, it'll definitely be memorable. Yes. It's exciting. It's genuinely exciting. I don't know what's going to happen. All we do now when we organise shows, we're like professional

thrill-seekers. We do this big thing in Thailand where it's like someone could die. Well, no one did. All right, let's go to a small country town that we've roasted for six years straight. It's podcast Russian roulette. It is. It really is.

We're like skydivers. We're just narrowing the odds until something bad happens. Yeah, yeah. So that's going to be heaps of fun. We also will uh put on sale uh if it's not there already check back in a day or so brisbane and adelaide live shows for next year fuck we're doing it again we're doing it again uh march of 2018 uh we're just locking it in but yeah check check the website now little dumdum club.com if it's not there right now go

back in like 24 hours because it'll all be on sale extremely, extremely soon. The last chance tour. Oh, you're not a fan of Adelaide? Have I not talked about this on the podcast?

I don't know that it's ever come up. Okay, well, let's talk about this off air. I wouldn't want to disparage any city on the podcast. So that's going to be heaps of fun. Also,

the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. It is us and the dollop in Koh Samui at the Ozo Chuang Samui Resort doing live shows June 13 to 18. And we are announcing now officially we will be doing the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival Roadshow will be happening at Kofun Yang the day after that. We will have more solid details soon. but when you're factoring in your leave or your time away or whatever it is, just keep a day or two in mind

at the end there for that. Yeah, look, it's not crucial, but if you want to be part of it, we'll be doing it maybe on the last day of the festival, like on the 18th. We sort of planned that maybe that's when people are going to leave. Well, it'll be the 19th because the 18th is the last official day. Right. Well, we'll figure it out because the 18th is the Monday, isn't it?

Our dates are the 13th to 18th, whatever. Yeah, whatever. Anyway, look, if you're interested, you'll be interested and you'll make it happen. But we'll be going on the little ferry. It's like a 25-minute ferry over to the next island, Copenhagen. We'll be finding a little bar, a little resort and just doing a little show just to officially make sure that we are finally on a festival road, a little resort, and just doing a little show just to officially make sure that we are finally on a festival roadshow tour.

Maybe that can be the Patreon episode. We can do a Patreon-rated episode in Copenhagen. Yeah, that'll be the next T-shirt. We have to make our own roadshow T-shirt. Oh, very good. Yeah, very good. So all of that information, including the link to the tickets for the festival, the link to the accommodation at the Ozo Chawang Samui Resort and the password to use can be found at littledumbdumbclub.com slash cosamui.

Get all your information there. Make sure you go to that site to make sure you're doing it all properly and correctly. Exactly. All the information is there in terms of how to book at the Ozo Chawang Samui, the password to get the cheap rates, to get the ticket from us. And, of course, Tommy, before that happens, in April, in the month of April. Oh, yes. We'll be doing four live shows as we do every year in Melbourne

every Sunday, 3 o'clock. You know what it's like. If you've heard the episodes, if you've been to the show, the most fun of shows of the year, big names, heaps of fun, packed houses. We're both big fans of the month of April. And what better way to celebrate our favourite month than fans of the month of April and what better way to celebrate

our favourite month than by having a month of live shows every Sunday yeah I call it it's like a festival in my mind

I call it April April yeah Sundays in April that's what I call it April yeah

what do you think I like it alright let's go with it okay every Sunday so get that online. You can get the season pass to those four shows or you can buy the individual tickets.

And like we did this year, look, we haven't locked down exactly what we're doing with the drunk cast and if we're doing another roast like we've done the last two years. So keep watching, keep listening, obviously. Keep watching the social medias. Keep looking at the website and we'll let you know because the roast sold out way quicker than anything else i reckon we've ever done so we've got to look into that again yeah if we're going to do it and when we're going to do it let us know yeah uh if you're keen um but that is something

to look at in the next week or two just keep your eyes peeled and our solo shows at the melbourne international comedy festival should be on sale pretty soon okay is that what it's within okay Keep your eyes peeled. And our solo shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival should be on sale pretty soon. Oh, okay. Is that what it's within? Okay, interesting. It's a separate conversation now. Okay, great.

Great. Good to know. So littledumbdumbclub.com for all that information, all that stuff. Get a ticket. Come see us somewhere at a live show. We love meeting you guys. And meanwhile, enjoy this episode with Andrew Stanley and Harley Breen. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And sitting opposite me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good day to you, kid. Is it worth bothering with trying to have a chat before we bring the guests in? Let's do it quick. Let's try and do it quick.

Let's try and do it quick. Good luck, my kids. Well, that's all I really wanted to say, so that was good. We did it. With someone else. See you, mate. All right, intro. Okay, first of all, great friend of the show, Harley Brain

Yay And also the more polite of the guests so far What the fuck does that mean, you shit? Oh wow, there's a new champion in town First time on the podcast over here from Ireland doing some shows It's Andrew Stanley Yay I'd like to be introduced from now on as number four on the podcast over here from Ireland doing some shows. It's Andrew Stanley. Yay! That's me.

Yay! I'd like to be introduced from now on as number four until I take out Rotten Ronald. Oh, yeah. So someone compiled a list the other day in our little Facebook group, the group that's called People Aware of the Little Dunlop Club. And so quick little shortcut for you, Andrew, that we don't have fans. We have people that listen to us.

Idiots. Well, they don't particularly like us. We call them people that are aware of the little dumbass rather than people who like us. They listen every week. They support us on Patreon. They pay to come to the live shows. Yet in spite of all that, they seem to hate us in everything we do.

I mean, no, there's no in space. Like, I can see why. I'm picking up on the shit vibe that everyone's dropping. Yeah. Yeah. So, no, someone did publish a list the other day. Someone actually bothered to go back and count how many times everyone's been on the, all the guests that have been on the podcast.

So, you're number four at the moment. It's Nick Cody, Dilrok Jayasinghe, Rotten Ronald and then me. Well, I mean, we're equal first. Yeah. No, you didn't even count. You don't count because you only get halves. Yeah, that's fair. We count for one guest.

Right. And I frequently just don't show up. Like I'm in the room but I'm not really present. Yeah. Well, speaking of that group, speaking of that group, so I guess I mod that group. So we've got like fan pages on facebook and twitter and stuff like that but there's now we've got this this fan group yeah

so to speak uh people are a little dumb and club and so people start adding and adding themselves in or whatever but i've got to hit the approval button sort of thing but i started seeing a lot of names where i'm like these just fake accounts like i let one person in and of course immediately they start trying to sell nigerian watches or whatever i'm like all are these just fake accounts? Like, I let one person in and of course, immediately they start trying to sell Nigerian watches or whatever. I'm like, alright. Nigerian watches? Yeah, I've never seen that before. They're just comboing a few. I would buy a Swiss watch

and I would open a Nigerian bank account. I would never do the two of those together. No, it's just the Nigerian treasurer and the fake watches, you know, going together in one big scale. Finally, they found businessmen who need billions who want to invest the money. Is Nigerian time different? It's a real classic time piece.

It's a family heirloom. It's scam o'clock again. Yeah. Nigerian time is like 45 minutes to the hour. So the watches have to look a little bit different to factor that in. Yeah. So all of that. I don't know if that's racist or not.

I feel like it is. I was hoping it was just sort of vague and surreal enough that there's no kind of real world connotations to it. It was surreal racist. Is it like Nigerian Treasurers where they were sort of like stealing from the hours? So there's only 45 minutes per hour? Hey, that's up to interpretation.

If you want to view it that way, then I'm sorry that you got offended. You want to look at them differently. I think a room full of white, straight men can definitely define whether or not that's racist. I've never felt more in Australia. Quick. Admin,

kick these two out. So, this Facebook group, I was getting these people that I wasn't even sure if they're real people or not. So I thought, you know what? Whoa, that is a step to the front. No, no, no, no, no. They went from not equal to not even existing.

Not like that. Oh, my God. Even if you're not talking about the Nigerian, just saying that about our listeners is like, they're definitely not real people. They were fake accounts. I didn't realise Hitler was running the club. Oh, my God.

Get them all on a train. Put them on a really short tram journey to Sheth. Should we start over, perhaps? What, with, like, a better race? Is that what you mean? Just go from the beginning again. Pure breeds. Yeah, just listeners of this show.

Jesus Christ. That would not be a breed. There'll be people with three arms within about two generations. Just one headphone always in their ear. Oh, God. My sweat is getting anxious. So I put a password on there. I put questions where you have to answer to have a little bit of knowledge of the show

to prove that you've actually knowledge of the show to prove that you've actually listened to the show. So the past... Aerie and Reese. Eye colour. Who is the master race? Eye colour. Air colour.

Supremacy. Not Dil Rook. Yeah, yeah. He's automatically gone off the list. So the two questions I put were, and look, these are probably the only things that you know if you've listened to this show before, which I'll explain to you. Okay. Did you say these the only things that you know if you've listened to this show before, which I'll explain to you. Okay. Did you say these are the only things you know if you've listened to this show?

Maths, basic English, none of that's in there. In hundreds of episodes, you've learned two things. Breathe in, breathe out. They're both about you people. And this will be good for new listeners because sometimes people don't know what these running jokes are. This is a life hack for how to get into the Facebook group. Yeah.

So the first question is, what do you do with Tim? So there's a running joke for whatever reason. I can't remember why. But have you heard on the cricket or maybe if someone does a prank on someone, they'll be like, oh, got him. We got him. Okay. But we sort of like the idea that every time someone's saying that,

it sounds like you're getting Tim. You're only getting one person and he's named Tim every time. See, I hear it more supportive like, go Tim. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hearing you explain and put that into words was one of the saddest experiences of my whole life. Yeah, that's the moment where you go, I haven't done a lot. And then you realise trying to explain anything that Dum Dum is is a very sad experience. This group is the saddest group I've ever...

It should be, how many tears do you need to cry before you masturbate? That should be the second question. Three minutes. What do you do with Tim? And so people are just putting, got, get him, got Tim, whatever it is. But then, so these people want to be in our group and here are some of their answers I

what do you do with Tim I put him in his place what the fuck what the fuck are you talking about yeah that could almost be that could almost qualify

yeah get rid of Tim alright so I'll hit yes on these on the people you alright you can be the judge okay

alright it's like like really bad Australia's Got Talent yeah yeah this is podcasting

has no talent Fonachu Adore is in this is like the shittest round of would I lie to you yeah alright what do you do

with Tim sit on his face yeah yeah put them in okay alright that'll really get Tim

yeah that'll show him. What do you do with Tim? Answer, unemployed. Nah, that person's fucking retarded. They're not allowed in. That's not, yeah, that's not the right answer. That's somebody literally applying for a job

wondering why they haven't got a job. Yeah, yeah. They're like, I didn't hear back again. You keep applying to the Dom.com. That's someone trying to apply to be on this show, I think. Yeah. I wonder if they're ticking that off in their job diary. Yeah, that's fair.

Applied for another job today. Yeah, they were trying to be admin. Dumb, dumb industry. Yeah, I applied to be a dual drive singer. No, didn't get it, thankfully. Yeah. No, hit no on that one. No.

Okay, all right. Don't care how good their watches are. Get not interested. What do you do with Tim? Flush it? Flush it? Flush it. No.

No. No. I got a feeling you might like this one. Would you tell us what to think? What do you do with Tim? Answer, fuck off cunt. Yeah, they get it. Get him in. That's probably Tim. Make them an admin. I was going to say, get them in, kick everyone else out.

Get them here right now to co-host this show. Or the other one, what do you do with Tim? Fuck Tim, he is probably a cunt. Yeah, they get it as well. That's the vice president. That they said probably. Yeah.

We need a second group for these people who think outside the box. We need like a gold class. I've got a couple more of these that do think outside the box because that's the first question. The second security question is how does Tommy get his money? So the answer is his mum. Cancer charities?

Cancer. He gets cancer. He gets paid by big cancer. You've just got a little bit. Just enough to get a bill. Billion dollar bit cancer. So this guy, if what you like is those last couple of answers,

this guy must be the master mod because here's the way he's answered the two security questions. What do you do with Tim? Cunts. How does Tommy get his money? Cunts again. Yes. At least he's acknowledged that he's using the same thing twice.

He's not trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Yeah, he's not a... He's trying to dupe you. Yeah, he's acknowledged that he's using the same thing twice He's not trying to pull the wool over your eyes Yeah, he's not a He's not a bot I wouldn't have minded How does Tommy get his money? Sit on his face I don't think any bot is putting cunt in as an answer None

Except for that cunt bot Yeah, but that's a different thing That's a different thing entirely. That's a clever... That's a different show. That's a clever bot because I've just approved that person into the group. So, I mean, why not? Oh, that person's in?

Cunt and cunt again, they're in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, hold on one second. Time for me to go WhatsApp in. Yeah, so... Anyway, that's the end of that bit. Any... So, that's...

Yeah, so no other left field answers to to where do I get my money from? There's literally someone trying to get into the group going, what do you do with Tim Pass? How does he tell me to get his money? Pass. No. Oh, I hit return. They want to learn.

That's definitely a bus. That's fine. They want to learn. At least they're not bullshitting you. They're like, I don't know. How else can I find out by being in this group? What's the username of that person? No, I didn't even write it down.

I've just copy and pasted that one. They're just straight up selling Nigerians dressed up as watches. You buy a watch and it's a whole person. Hold on. Is this just a Word document or something? I've just copy and pasted the… I thought you were online right now approving these as we talk. No, I'm not.

Why didn't you do that? It was a bit of theatre of the mind, Andrew. He was making you think that he was hitting the admin button. He has a MacBook in front of him. You may as well have written that down on a notepad. Is that the new one, that MacBook? That's the new one. The touch bar?

Yeah. It's good, isn't it? I don't like it. You don't like it? Yeah, because the new Mac has that touch bar up the top with the keyboard. But I'm like, that is going to fucking die within six months and then I won't be able to use the computer anymore.

That's true. It just seems like such a weird little thing that's going to, that's the first thing that's going to start working. They've added to me another thing that Apple do. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think they do very well. Yeah. I like them, but this thing, I'm just waiting for it to die and it's going to wreck everything. To be fair, your last computer broke by you spilling beer on it. So what do you care? You're going to fuck it yourself anyway. What do you care if it just wears out? Well, I just think that's the thing that's particularly going to get

fucked if I spill beer on it. Right. Yeah. Because to be fair, I think the rest of the buttons shouldn't be fucked because you spill one drop of beer on it. One drop? One drop. Honestly, one drop. Conveniently, I got there just after this had happened. So I don't buy it. It was one New York beer drop. One drop. Honestly, one drop. Conveniently, I got there just after this had happened. So I don't buy it.

One drop. It was one New York beer drop and it blew my whole computer up. One drop. I promise, one drop. Where did you drop it? Into the power sockets? Just like in the corner. No, just in the corner.

When he says one drop, he dropped a beer. I was really slamming the guy and I tried to do a mic drop and confused my hands and just smashed my beer into my back but it was one drop yeah if you pour it that's still technically

a drop yeah it was one drop though it was one it was like a raindrop honestly I don't think that where are we talking

Amazonian rain or Melbourne drizzle yeah no Guinness rain Guinness rain well that's come on that's a shower. But talk us through, how do you get one drop? How does one drop leave your glass?

I don't know. Honestly, it was one drop. There's lulls all over this story. No way. Benedict Cumberbatch is about to do a new episode of Sherlock on this. There's no way at all. Now that I'm picturing it in my head, I'm like, yeah, that does sound unrealistic, but it did happen.

Your honour. You're questioning your own memory. I promise you. Now there's three people doubting it, but I'm like, fuck, I was there. I know it happened. It did not happen. It did. There's no way.

I promise. But what did you do? Did the glass slip out of your hand for a second? I think, yeah. Did you do a spit take? I your hand for a second? I think, yeah. Did you do a spit take? I think it was just like off the side. Do you want to change drop? Oh, no.

What? To a splash. No, no. I'm standing by the drop. Like, hold on. What do you mean? So there's a bottle of beer. Like a dripped off.

No, dripped off like a pint glass. I'm giving you an amnesty here. It's your last chance. Just admit that you made the story up and we'll leave it. And there will be no further commentary. We won't make fun of you. You're completely off the hook. Did you do a cum on your computer?

Did you shit on the screen? No. It was one drop of shit. One drop of cum. Just one cum. I sat on the computer's face as a password. What a cum. So one drop of beer went off, what did you say,

off the edge of the glass. Yes. Like Tony Hawk himself going off a fucking... No, but like a drop, you know, you've seen... We don't know. That's the problem. You've seen in ads how like... Oh, yeah.

...a glass perspires. The ad drop. Yeah. It dropped off the bottom of it. Yeah. That's the thing that can happen. I don't think so. You've never seen one drop.

I don't watch ads. I've seen one drop of beer. I've not seen one drop of beer break a whole computer. Yeah, I'm the same with Harley. I have only seen it happen once. Oh, yeah. When was that? Let's try it again.

It's a beer? It's a one-time thing. Yeah. Is that how you got sold on this new model? Two drops, mate. Two drops. oh yeah when was that let's try it again it's a beer it's a one time thing yeah is that how you got sold on this new model two drops mate two drops finally we've upgraded

on the edge one drop absorbent don't try it twice it's like water resistant watches this is to 100 metres this is to 200 metres yeah yeah yeah

but if you want a really good watch let me tell you where to go get into that group get into the group they're being sold right now

if there's anyone in the group listening who does work at some kind of watch shop, because we're hesitant for people to get in there and plug stuff that's not really affiliated with this podcast, we'll give you a free week. If you work at a watch shop or you sell watches in any capacity, for this week only you can get in the group and plug your wares. Can they send us watches? Nigerian watches.

Yeah, I want a Nigerian watch. They have watches? Nigerian watches. Yeah, Nigerian watches. They have to be Nigerian watches. They have to be, okay, alright, alright. I want a Nigerian watch. Somebody send me

a Nigerian watch. Either Nigerian watches. What's your home address here? Sure. Hey, we're talking about scams.

So, we brought up on the show a couple of weeks ago now, we, somebody in that group brought up that there was a bar for sale in Koh Samui. Now, we brought up on the show a couple of weeks ago now, we, somebody in that group brought up that there was a bar for sale in Koh Samui.

Now, Koh Samui, I'm a little bit obsessed with and last year, Andrew, he's been there once. We went to, we went to,

one drop today. Yeah. He's really messed up from jet lag. Yeah, yeah. So, last year,

no, this year. How many times have you been there? Oh man, I think I've been there maybe seven times. Yeah, but how many times do you know you've been there? Yeah, yeah. So last year – no, hang on, this year. How many times have you been there? Oh, man, I think I've been there maybe seven times. Yeah, but how many times do you know you've been there? Yeah, yeah. Seven, is it seven times?

It's Tuesday. So we did what was called the Costa Mui International Podcast Festival and we went there this year. We were the only podcast. So we did a live show there and we are going back next year. We're going back next year with another podcast weirdly enough but so what's great about you

telling people this now is we're so normalised to it do you know what I mean it's just this thing that happened in our lives now so I notice you tell people this podcast vessel

is like Donald Trump now yeah yeah exactly it's just it's horrific but you just are used to it I just notice you racing through the details

to people who don't know it and I see their heads just fucking exploding and giving them no time to jump in so how many so you were the actual only podcast there yes and it was how long festival uh four days four days for you to do one podcast we did a couple podcasts did a couple little shows we did a gala we did a stand-up yeah we did a gala the only time we can get on a comedy gala so we put ourselves on yeah yeah was there other stand-ups there?

Yeah. Yeah, we flew over guests. Right. Did you arrange this festival yourself? Yes. Sorry, now it makes sense. You didn't say that part. If you try to get into this Facebook group,

you're flunking the exam right now. You don't know anything about this podcast. No, I'll just be like, Conti Nigerians. Conti Nigerians. It sounds like someone from Patreon. Yeah, you didn't say that important part at the start. Yeah.

Well, I thought that was obvious by the fact that we were part of it. No, but yeah. I would book you for the International Podcast Festival in Dublin. Yeah. It actually exists and I don't run it, so. Yeah. So we're the only podcast there. Are you going to tell any story today where there's not just riddled with holes?

I don't think I'd do anything that's not riddled with holes. Wait, let's not pack that statement. Let's not get into that. I can see why your love goes with me so much. Yeah, so we're going there again next year. Tickets are on sale now and everything next June. Going there with the podcast called Adult that's going to finally legitimise this festival.

You'll be able to buy a new computer duty free on the way. Oh, fuck no. I'm pretty sure I'm going to bring my podcast as well.

Oh, really? Oh, really? And by that I mean I'm going to come and say that I'm bringing my podcast

but the other half of my podcast may or may not be there. I think I'll bring my podcast over there. Okay. Do you have a podcast? I haven't recorded

one in two years but yeah, we'll do one. Bring it back. Oh, the comeback tour. Yes. I'll do that. great. Wow, alright a podcast? I haven't recorded one in two years but yeah, we'll do one. Bring it back. Oh, the comeback tour. Yes. The comeback tour.

I'll do that. Yeah, great. Wow, alright. We've got an exclusive. Hey, one minute ago you were hanging shit on me about this festival.

All of a sudden you've invited yourself so that is a comeback. I didn't realise it was legitimate until now. Well, because you know

I do a sort of parenting skewed podcast. Yes. I want to do the mum shitting with the door open. I want to do the mums and bubs time slot at the festival 11am for the parents that come

the matinee podcast turn up and bring your children because anyone's taking their children to this podcast festival we've had people ask us about it about bringing kids of course you do I've seen your fans. Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, yeah. So you guys are in, you're all over this festival like a drop on a laptop. You're all over it. I just cancelled everything. In the same way that drop on the laptop did. Yeah. I'm going to call my podcast the drop on a laptop podcast. So, well, this will make things even.

It's like cereal. We're just dissecting this story for 10 episodes yeah Carl's lying about something what is it yeah CSI

Koh Samui so podcast yeah so someone hits us up and says do you know that

there's a bar for sale in Koh Samui and we're like oh that's funny we look into it and then I start really looking into it and I start going

this is achievable. So then I've spent quite a while looking through the details and going back and forth with the owner. Then I've sort of scattered around other bars and whatever. And then we've started getting feedback from a lot of listeners

and from a lot of guests of the show that are going, how much money do I need to put in to make this happen? Yeah, I'll buy a bar. Yeah, I'll buy a bar. I'm in now. I'm done.

Why are we still recording this? I need to go on to this is this I'm in now I'm done this is legitimately recording this I need to go on to you you are not a storyteller as soon as I start telling a story you're like yes okay done once upon a time you got me all right fucking that doesn't mean I'll have three that means I don't like when you're talking I'm a storyteller not a story listener yeah I'm a terrible story listener but I'm also really into property let's go

he's a great storyteller he's trying to get you to finish sooner so he can tell his own one you're really into real estate the three most important things are location location

location I want you to fuck off yeah yeah yeah find yourself a different location so so there's a bunch of people that have hit us up

that have gone, we want to be part of it. So I'm now going, this is realistically going to be like a little Dum Dum Club themed bar slash restaurant in Koh Samui. The best. I've found better possibilities now. There's some reasonably cheap restaurants and bars that are around.

I'm now looking into seriously flying over there before we go for the festival to realistically put in bids or whatever we need to do and check out whether this is going to be the most insane thing of all time or not. Wow. Great idea of how the market works. To go over there and put in bids or however it works. Sorry, real estate tycoon.

You tell me how it works. I'm not flying over there. Hey, you call your mum and ask how finance works and then get back we'll be we'll be busy he gets into the group he's allowed into the group now

sit on my face yeah we'll be busy you both got him and you know where he gets his money from as soon as you do that we'll be busy

rocking life yeah that's what we'll be doing but funny enough the reason this is weird to me as well is I host these shows in Dublin Ireland

called Bingo Loco which is like just this insane bingo thing where like it I host these shows in Dublin, Ireland called Bingo Loco which is like just this insane bingo thing where like it's all drinking games and it's like proper bingo but ridiculous. You know,

it's all like it's like rave rounds and things like that and the guys who run that bought a bar in Cambodia. Oh, wow. Great. So.

And like so and then they take turns to go over like three months at a time and manage it. Right. It's become this like crazy hustle bar. Well, let's learn from this. So, from this so has there been any problems they've lost a lot of money

i joke i joke but it's like they they didn't have to put in i'm not sure the exact figures but i think they bought it for around probably a hundred thousand dollars oh but this thing this is not even in the realm of that the ones that we're looking for at the moment the ones that we're currently looking at are like 25,000 oh totally yeah it would be like the place they bought is a

big yeah because it's a hostel as well it's like Cambodia like the Turek of fucking Asia I think it's like a 300 bed hostel or something it's big you

know what I mean like it's a huge yeah well these ones that I'm looking at a 25 grand of like you know just a corner with a woman with no clothes on. I'll re-look at the market.

No, they're smaller sort of places. But yeah, if you want to pay a bit more depending – and I presume that we don't given who we're dealing with and whatever. Pay a bit more. But if you pay a bit more, you can get one on the beach or – Yeah, you don't want a beach. No, but you notice that if you're getting comics involved, you will get that money instantly. You know what I mean? If you're getting comics involved you will get that money

instantly you know what i mean if you get enough comics involved right because we're idiots yeah like look no doubt in my mind if you well to be honest i said i i i saw tommy little friend of the show tommy little yesterday and i started telling him this story and he i i reckon a sentence in when come to my office he doesn't have an office. So we went over to the other side of the building. So you're engulfing it. We went to the other side of the building. You went into a gym. Yeah, yeah.

And he got to the end and he went, that's how buildings work. Yeah, he started bench pressing me and then we started talking. So he goes, I started telling him like about three, four sentences and he goes, great, I've got 25 grand. What do you want to do? How much do you need? I go, that's more than the bar I'm looking at. So, yeah.

You're the owner. Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay, you've just bought a bar. Well done. We should buy four bars. Listen, how much for the island? Before we get one, we're making a franchise. Is that what's happening?

Absolutely. But like, no, because any comic who buys into it would, A, they'd know they're going to be invited to that festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like at least once every couple of years. So they're just buying themselves a little holiday destination. Yeah. It's like a timeshare. Maybe that makes sense. Maybe I start looking at places

that are a little bit more expensive and better because to be honest, I've, a quick count, I already counted about 10 to 12 people who would definitely put in for it,

which means that they're only putting in two and a half grand, which is not that much. And if we could up that and get a beach bar, like a beach bar would be amazing. But the thing is, you could actually do things as well, like with the listeners and things like that. You could do things like, if a listener puts in $5, they get a whatever the name of the bar is, Stubby,

something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's loads of like yeah yeah there's loads of ways of doing it get their own seat you know yeah

you can actually name like bricks in the bar after listeners and things yeah if the whole bar wasn't made of driftwood but we could do that but

we'll put like two bricks in yeah yeah it's 40 grand a brick yeah that'd be good well Tommy Little would get a brick no he's gotta get 25 grand and then you build it into a club and that's gotta get 25 grand And then you build it

Into a club And that's where you can Perform every time You go to Thailand Which is four times a day That's a brilliant idea I'm in You must be amazing

At ping pong I'm not I don't go for those reasons I'm sorry You're just a big fan I am Of ping pong I genuinely

It's absurd But genuinely he just goes over there because he likes to be a lonely man in Thailand. I'm not a lonely man there. Well, you're on your own. I don't go on my own. He meets people over there. I build a festival around me. I had like 100 people there last time I went.

I had such a rock solid alibi It was fucking great Carl, why is there 73 kid shows on? One on one So this is exciting Because this Like everything now That happens on this show

I think you When we started talking about this post I think you were surprised With how quickly I went Fuck, let's do it Yes Because the last year and a half has taught me the

dumbest something is, if it's going to come up and then it's going to happen, just go with it. We may as well just... Everything we've done has been so stupid, but then it's happened and it's been so funny. So why pretend for one second that you're not going to fucking do it?

When it comes to the financial side of it, it's almost like pretend for one second that you're not gonna fucking do it yeah even when it comes to like the financial side of it it's so you if you get even if you get like 10 comics and just throw a big lineup on in a big show and take the money from that towards it as well it's so easy to have ways of getting the money together for it yeah oh look there's a bunch of well-heeled comics as well that and to be honest some some well-heeled listeners that want to be part of it. I think we need to stop talking about this before people just go

and buy bars. Well, no, but that's the other thing because I looked into the real estate sites over there and I think the whole island's for sale. I think just everything's for sale. We could get the island.

Yeah. The little dum-dum island. Oh, wow. Let's just buy the airport. Buy Koh Samui Airport. Oh, fuck. What do you reckon that's going for? Six dollars. No, it is. That's great. You get off the plane. Oh, fuck. What do you reckon that's going for? Six dollars.

No, this... That's great. You get off the plane and you're just the first person you see. You're like, what do you want, mate? You're just trying to make an offer. Yeah. Smart. Fresh off the tarmac.

Yeah. You've got the checkbook out. You've hit the bell. Can I see the manager? Can I talk to the pilot, please? Land this where I sit. Yeah, do you want to buy this thing? Because otherwise you're trespassing.

Let's buy a plane. What if we get a small plane? Hang on, I think this is getting out of control. Hey, like I said, you've just got to roll with it, man. Hey, you don't want to buy a cheap plane. I will stick by that. You don't want a cheap plane. Yeah, we don't want to sell bricks in the plane.

Who's buying the wing? Oh, fuck, we didn't quite get there I knew we should have put in extra for a pilot fuck shit where does this end like what could come up

now where you'd go that's a bad idea we probably shouldn't do this well I want to know like if you had any knowledge of anything going wrong with that Cambodian bar is there any

it's on right now it's like open right now and it's rocking what they do is they, on their Facebook page, on all their Facebook pages and everything, they put out like, hey, if you know anybody traveling who wants to work somewhere for three months, let them know about this.

So it's a total social media like hunt of helping out and everything. That's pretty cool. And it's successful? Yeah, it's doing quite well from what I know. It's only open six months. Right. But it seems to be quite busy in fall. Oh, man. Well, it's doing quite well from what I know. It's only open six months. Right. But it seems to be

quite busy in fall. Oh, man. Well, that's the thing. We'd get this bar going and then put it on social media and make everyone that's never been there give a good review

on TripAdvisor and make it the most popular bar on the island. But what's our angle? We still need to work out what our angle for this thing is. Yeah. Well, no, when people get there

there's no staff and it's not open. That's pretty good. That's different. It opens four days of the year for the international podcast festival. Oh, no, when people get there, there's no staff and it's not open. That's pretty good. That's different. It opens four days of the year for the international podcast festival. Oh, but honestly, that would pay off everything. Like we go there with a couple of hundred people to the Coastal Million podcast. We go there.

You cannot move within a square mile of the joint. People are buying beers. It's going back into our account. You know, we're like Jay-Z drinking his own vodka. It's just all going straight back to us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I think I just, you know, we've got to look into the legalities and everything. We've got to get a lawyer. We've got to figure out the relationship, you know,

with the 10 or 12 shareholders. You're talking shit now. Get the money, buy the bar. Right, right. No more lawyer. None of that shit. If you get a lawyer,

I'm out. And I speak for everybody. If you have a contract, I'm out. And I speak for everybody. If you have a contract, I'm done. No contract. Just take my cash and I will trust you. If your beer is not being made in a bathtub, I don't want to hear

about it. Just to be clear, you want me to take everyone's money and go to the island that I go to all the time and you're going to expect me to come back. Yes. All of that. You're right. I won't get a lawyer.

I want to be welcomed as a king into my bar. Oh, yeah, good luck with that. Rock up to Thailand and go, I'm the king, and see how far that gets you over there. Where's my bar? You keep sending me, like, other places that you've found and they're often screenshots from Facebook. They're like ads from different groups.

Question, how many Koh Samui-based real estate Facebook pages are you currently following? All of them. What's the question? Stick it into those. I know I've looked up. I believe I have all the windows still open on my computer now. Great.

All the real estate companies in Costa Mui have got up. I've checked out everything for sale. Just so I'm clear on this, you have all the Costa Mui property real estate to open on your laptop right now, but not the Facebook group to approve things. You were doing content. I don't have the Wi-Fi password for this house.

Oh, I give you the Wi-Fi password. Suck my dick. Time to buy a bar. That's the name of the bar. Because this is a bit like you when we were trying to work out getting flights and hooking up the Koh Samui Podcast Festival. You are a man that struggles to turn a phone on, and yet when it's something like this about your beloved Koh Samui,

you just go into this full kind of borderline rain man mode where you just become… I take into this full kind of borderline rain man mode where you just become – I take offense to the word borderline. You could tell me – you could probably list off like what flights to Koh Samui today are if I asked you. Yeah, yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah. What are the flights to Koh Samui?

Well, the latest one you get in 10.30. So I do love seeing you in this mode where you just go into full on absolute organisational overdrive. Well, I did spend a very long night the other night going through all of the websites and my wife was saying, shut that fucking computer off. So what does she think of this? Oh, I'm not a fan.

She's not one of the shareholders. Usually wives are really into their husbands buying foreign property. Not only that, had to wait ten years for him to propose. Meanwhile, three days ago Tommy said, what if we buy a bar? I'm in. Yeah, don't worry, that argument came up. I'm committed. You know me, something comes up and I just got to jump right in both feet.

I saw a real estate website and I said, I do. When I love something, I just dive straight in. Why hang around is what I always say. Just call the bar The Wedding Chapel. I don't want Tommy to get cold feet and go somewhere else. I need to lock this down now that he's keen. I met Andrew two days ago he's in so our Facebook group

is like the Tiffany's that I'm just leading you around in and you're like I get it say no more have you come up with a name for the bar no I mean

it's got to be the little dum dum club yeah or the big dum dum club the little dum dum club club yeah the club club if you call it club the little little dum-dum club club. Yeah, the club club. If you call it club. The little, little dum-dum club club.

Club club. Yeah. The little, little dum-dum club club. And you buy two bars. If you call it club, though, like it insinuates that you're not going to get food there. I think it sounds just like a nightclub or it sounds something like that. The little, little dum-dum, dum-dum.

Food club. Food club. Food food. Good, good food club club. But Tommy Little is one of the shareholders, so you have to whack in the little. You're not going to put the name of every shareholder. Yeah.

It's going to be like. Sorry, I was being ridiculous when the real name is the little, little, little, little. No, it's the little, little, dum, dum, food, food, good, good, club, club. So if you're saying people, if they hear club, they might think they can't get food there. Yes. So if we put a food item in, so it can be, what is it?

The little, little, little, dum-dum-dum-dum, dum-dum, club, club sandwich club. But also the logo is a hamburger, so they will then go, oh, you can't get food there. Oh, there you go. Or how about this? The logo is the hamburger, but the club is just called the duck sandwich.

Yeah. Apart from the fact people will come in and ask for a duck sandwich and there won't be one. Yeah, because it's not on the menu. Duck sandwich has to be on the menu. No, but this is what I – Whatever else happens. You know what needs to happen?

Duck sandwich needs to be on the menu. But you know when you see a menu and you've got like a bit of paper over the top of a sticker saying not available? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You print duck sandwich on the menu but then you print not available. So it's permanently not available. That's not bad. Yeah, that's not bad at all.

What about you call it immigration for tourists? Yes. Sure available. That's not bad. Yeah, that's not bad at all. What about you, Colin? Immigration for tourists. Yes. That will sell heaps. Free visas. Every day I want to go to a bar that we own. Literally, I want to do that. It's my dream to have a bar that we own, that we go to. But I ain't eating at an establishment that we operate.

How many people are leaving their wives because of this bar? More pertinent question, how many people are meeting their future wives at this bar? They're buying their future wives at this bar. The little love love club. They're the little little woman woman, I bought her club. What about, if we want to simplify the name, what about just contents

oh yeah contents like cheers as in apostrophes yeah just ping pong get away

from the ping pong don't sully don't sully the beautiful love of my life I've been there so many times I've not seen

a ping pong show wait until you see that you're going to love it that's Bangkok I think it's wherever you want what are some activities that we can get going in our bar

do you know what I mean if we get a new if we get a new kind of thing going that becomes so big on the island that it undoes the stereotype

of ping pong shows kill a man yes murder that would definitely get attention what if we kill a man one man gets killed

a week. And show one person, 21st century, I think that's going to happen. I think that's going to happen. That's going to happen unintentionally. We don't need to plan that, I would say. Yeah, but if you've got to advertise it, get the people in. Right, okay.

Someone's going to die on this podcast festival at some stage. We thought that this year and it didn't happen. Yeah, you're going bigger next year. Yeah, you didn't apply yourself properly. Well, I thought, you know, because already at least two people that listen to the show who are very experienced bar managers

have already volunteered and gone, I'm putting my hand up. I definitely want to come over and manage this bar if this is what happens. And I thought, so we've got options already. And at the very least, we've got Nick Capper who's got nothing to do. We can send him over to manager. Yeah, I'm out again. And we insure the bar. And when Nick Capper fucks it up and the bar explodes,

boom, we make big money. Not bad. Not bad. And then we buy five more bars. Yes. But in serious talk, right, if you get the right bar, I'm so getting onto all those real estate sites now. If you get the right bar,

you build the right comedy club in there, you could run a monthly gig in Coastal Moor quite easily. Yeah. You could generate enough income there's all sorts of other Asian tours the problem

the problem with what you're saying right now is that actually sounds like a good plan yeah let's abandon

I'm out let's get back to my hair brain scheme there's nothing fucked about what you just said my mum's money

is off the table that sounds like we'll make a reasonable amount of money I'm not in that for this if you can edit this out because I'm doing that Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mum's money is off the table. That sounds like we'll make a reasonable amount of money. And you know what? I'm not in that for this. If you can edit this out, because I'm doing that.

I've just come off breakfast radio. I am coined up. Given that the plan right before you started talking was let's send a fucking idiot over there as part of an insurance scam. Yeah. You sound like you're about to open up an opposition pub next door to our one. Oh, yeah.

I'm just doing research at the moment. The big, big top-top club. Why go to the little one? The big smart club over here. That serves food. Yeah. Oh, man. I mean, it sounds seriously like something is going to happen.

You can name drinks after every shareholder. Oh, this is going to happen. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. That's a good idea. Name drinks after shareholders rather than the title. Yeah. Now, I've been, I'm just imagining trying to get one, trying to get a bar that's close to where we're staying,

which is, of course, the fabulous Ozo Chuing Samui Resort in downtown Chuing Beach. Very good. We get one close to there, reasonably close to there. All of a sudden we just say all day or you buy that resort as well no we can't do that

that's a fucking big resort we can't get that one at one point I don't know if we've mentioned this on the show yet but you were saying there was a subway for sale there yeah

now like if you buy a franchise like let's say we buy a subway on Koh Samui 85 grand 85 grand and we just fuck it and start serving drinks in there and do

what we want with it but it's still got the, but this is, I mean, how much are they checking up on the franchise operators over in Koh Samui?

They are checking up. It's 85 grand and then what you get is you get full training and that includes six months training for a

full-time manager. I have looked into buying a subway. Oh really? That is, and you know what? I have too and that's right.

Full training, you get all your merch All your product stuff For the first year Is included in that 85 grand And there's a return I think it's 10% Or 15% profit

Goes back to Subway That's how they keep an eye on it Right, okay Boys Subway is the largest franchise In the world Is it really? There's more Subways

Than anything else Well before the little Dum Dum Club Bar restaurant Of course I would say The Catholic Church is a bigger franchise than Subway.

That's all owned by one. Yeah, sure. No franchise. They've got local investors. But yeah, Subway is a really good option. So you're saying we open our bar

and then, hey, go successful enough, we open a second. A second bar? Yeah. Sure. On the other side of the island. Let's plan that second

while the first one's still a dream. Why not? I want to go back to, so how unhappy would this make your wife? I have spent quite a while already convincing her that it's not the worst idea of all time. I've mentioned that there are several well-heeled people that are keen to get involved in this and I've said the money involved won't bankrupt me.

And what's – I mean, not to pry too deep into your situation, but with you two, is there some kind of joint account situation? There's not. No. There's not? No. Okay. So you're just purely dipping into your own cash here.

Well, what's she got to worry about? So this wouldn't really make her that unhappy. Well, look, that's my argument. That's my argument. But she's still somehow weirded out by the idea of her new husband sinking money into a bar he's never been to in Thailand. Hearing it out loud, it actually doesn't sound pretty good. It sounds a bit mental, but it's not the dumbest thing you've ever done.

Yeah. Not even close. I actually think it's a legit idea. Is she not like me in that she – how did she feel about the podcast festival before we did that? Yeah, she was close. I actually think it's a legit idea. Is she not like me in that she – how did she feel about the podcast festival before we did that? Yeah, she was freaked out by it. And look how that panned out. And she didn't attend.

Yeah, and look how that panned out. No more opportunities back here for us, but we had a fun holiday. Yeah, yeah. I didn't die once over there. It was a complete success. So, look, I think I'll be able to convince her around. As long as I'm not buying it outright and I'm not bankrupting myself or

anything. But even 25 grand. I mean, that's a lot of money. But you lose 25 grand in a failed business, it's not the worst story you've ever heard. I've got friends that have lost 200 grand in failed businesses. This is like, oh, I fucked it. I crashed a car and I didn't have it insured.

To be honest, that was my... My wife left and took... That was my number one... That went dark quick. That was actually my number one explanation to her. I said, 25 grand, there's 10 of us, we lose two and a half grand, who cares? It's called the Edinburgh fringe.

Yeah, but she's like, cool, so your plan is to lose nearly $3,000? That's your first plan? I'm like, well cares it's called the Edinburgh Fringe yeah but she's like cool so your plan is to lose nearly $3,000 that's your first plan I'm like well it's not I'm not aiming

for it no one's aiming realistically the property isn't going to devalue yeah so at the worst case scenario

you make the $25,000 back what if you say to her you lose the legal fees or whatever what if you say to her

compromise I buy it but I name it after you. Would that soften it for her at all? I don't know how good a husband you are. What if you say it like this, compromise. I'm doing it or I'm leaving you. That'll go well. For her, she'll be single again.

I've never been married before, boys. I'm not sure. A ten-year lead up and then a six-month marriage. Because he wants to buy a bar. He's pretty unevenly weighted here. Listen, I'm starting to think she's got an attitude problem. Yeah. To say to her, I'm buying this and going away

or I'm leaving you and going away. Win-win for her. Exactly. Listen, I've met your partner and she is one of the most reasonable. She's very nice. Nice, I've met your partner and she is one of the most reasonable... She's very nice. ...nice people I've ever met. Yeah. I think there's a lot

stacked against her in this conversation. She's not being irrational. This is a ridiculous idea. Yeah, but look at her choice of partner. Two senses. You've got to trust her judgment.

You can't trust her judgment. I've questioned her intelligence many times. Two minutes ago you said this was a really legit idea. Yeah, don't I... I'm saying from her perspective... This is a very fluid argument.

I think we can all leave and just leave him here arguing this for himself. And at the end he had bought two rival bars and a subway in the middle. Climb inside my head. It's fucking noisy in here. Is this interesting to listen to? All we're doing is sitting here hashing out this awful idea. This is just like a weird shareholders meeting that we've made public. I'm back on board.

This is stupid Shark Tank. This is Goldfish Bowl. You just keep forgetting the argument every ten seconds. This is Shark Tank but they're like, this is such a bad idea. Not only are we not giving you money, literally

get in that tank of sharks over there and submit yourself to their mercy. That would be a much better show. You fucking idiot. You're trying to get money. That's a good centrepiece for the new bar. Shark in a tank. We get the dumbest people in the bar to get in the shark tank.

Listen, I told you, I don't want that birthday guy there again. No way at all. All right. I want to give you three grand. Right. And you do whatever the fuck you want with it. If I see it again, cool. At least say do something with the bar.

Don't say do what you want with it. Do what you want, Carl. You have it. All right, I'm in. I trust you. I'll give you $3,001 if he's not in. Oh, the majority shareholder. Exactly.

$3,002. I know he's only got $3,007. I'll go $3,009 just to piss him off. I, the majority shareholder. Exactly. 2002. I know he's only got 3007. I'll go 3009 just to piss him off. I'll throw in a car. No insurance and I've crashed it.

This is some of the divorce lawyer's fees paid for. Then now we need to get onto funding the actual bar. Divorce? It's only six months. We'll annul it.

Fuck, we're really thinking this bar out. I like it. That's a good name for the bar. Annulments. Done here. Again, get the people in.

But you've got to have a name. Like, I like Little Dum Dum Club, but I just don't think randoms. Like, we can't rely on just our listeners. There should be a room in there like a snug called the Little Dum Dum Snug. But this is the other thing. I've got a feeling that dum-dum might mean something in Thai as well. It does, yeah. And I don't know what it means.

That's the name of the king. Don't say that. Jesus Christ. I mean, if we find out what it means. No bar, no life. The first edit point of this podcast ever. To cut out the bar. Oh, no.

They've edited me out of heaps. Otherwise, you'd be higher off the list. I know there's a drink called Dum Dum. It's like some sort of a drink. Oh, well, we can't call the bar that then if it's an alcoholic drink. No, no. But it's not. It's madness.

We don't want to be too clear. It's like a fruit juice or something like that. I've got a feeling it means something over there. Dum Dum Thai drinks. It's tea. Tea, right. Oh, you don't want that. That's all right.

You don't want that. Yeah, yeah. I don't want a tea bar. No. Yeah. But there must be something else like some we've got to work on it

we've got to work on it there must be some sort of call back to our show that can be like general enough well I know this for sure after this podcast

that people are aware of the Dumb Dumb Club are going to be flat out with suggestions for maybe yeah yeah yeah yeah totally but so I think you know if we can are going to be flat out with suggestions for Naomi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally.

But so I think, you know, if we can, if this is a serious thing and people are serious about, you know, being shareholders and whatever, I want to try and get over there as soon as possible because if we have something like this in place for when we get there for the festival, this is going to be… What date is the festival? Where do you go? Early to mid-June.

Where do you go with the Serbian gun runner all the time? Where do you go Early to mid June Where do you go With the Serbian Gun runner all the time? Where do I For dinner Yeah A place in Melbourne Called Rock Pools Rock Pools

You've got to try Something like that Rock Pools Something classy Something Just take Rock Pools West Gates Yeah the West Gates

You should do early June For the festival as well Because the World Cup Is mid June I know I'm aware We're well aware We're there during The first well because the World Cup is mid-June. I know. I'm aware. We're well aware. We're there during the first week of the World Cup, I believe.

Oh, really? Yeah. So that's mid-June. Yeah. 15th. Yeah. So we see, I know that Australia play France. While you're there.

17th, is it? Yeah. Yeah, something like that. So I know. But that's good because it's not a bad time over there to watch games and stuff. Yeah. And of course, the little Dum Dum Club bar has all the games streamed live.

Well, I land on the 18th. That's perfect. You land where? Coastal Movie. Did you just book your flight then? Just booked it. You don't have Wi-Fi, I know. Sorry, what date is the Coastal Movie podcast?

13th to the 18th. Yeah, 13th to the 18th. Good. Why? Because I got another thing straight after that. Oh yeah? I have one tour show.

I can pull that. A piano comedy cruise. A cruise? I'm on a piano comedy cruise. Oh yeah, get them to swing past and pick you up. That's what I was thinking.

Maybe they can come and get me. Pick you up from the bar. Can you pick me up from my bar? So we're buying a dock bar now. 120 of shit. Just park it right outside. bar and a 120th share of that just parking

right outside we're buying a pontoon that's what

we'll call it the P&O port so they'll

get confused and turn up there that actually

bring a lot of customers to our door so that's not a

bad idea that's how ships work yeah so

what do you reckon Andrew have you uh have you done any bar work in your time before comedy yeah yeah did bar work and dj'd in a bar so music sorted yeah nice who doesn't like king of my castle i don't know i think they'd be freaked out by an english dj over in thailand i don't think they've ever He's Irish. I'm sorry, fuck Irish. You're all the same. You know what? I'm out again.

You guys get along, don't you? You're not out. You can't even leave Britain. We left. Oh, fuck. That's Scotland. What is wrong with you people? Is there a dress code at our bar?

Oh, what do you think? No. There's got to be a dress code. You bar? Oh, what do you think? No. Yeah, there's got to be a dress code. You've got to be wearing our merch. I was going to say, because we talk about no shorts, but you've got to wear shorts over there. That's it. That's what the bar's called.

You've got to have shorts. Shins. That's what we call the bar. Shins on display at all times. But there'd be some sort of local law about what proper attire is in any kind of

licensed venue you're going to have a license but what you would do is when you go over there on your recon mission yeah you just look at

what the other bars have around it yeah don't worry I've been into the law already I'll stop off on my way over for Perth Fringe World yeah

actually because I haven't booked my flight set I will genuinely stop off scope the area out for us yeah it's yeah it's man i'm fascinated i'm fascinated what's going to happen next if we can because they're all they're all very keen to sell as soon as possible everywhere everywhere on the websites that'll be us one day yeah this bar is tearing our friendship apart

who wants it? But see, that's it. I mean, that could be the next thing. Like, that's what we've got to look out for. You know, do we get a contract between the 12, the 20 of us? Whatever happens in the end. Yeah. Like, what if one person, all of a sudden, Tommy, you go,

that's it, I'm fucking out of here. Let's sell up the whole bar. What do we do? Do we sell out your shit? No, you don't sell out. Yeah, you buy me out. Yeah, it's 8.5%. You don't do that.

It's got to get over 51 before you sell the whole bar yeah you know what I wouldn't even give him the full amount he put in oh really yeah no

we spent that off we haven't made it back yet I'll buy your share I'll buy your share right now I don't want to sell my share at all there's no shares yet you fucking idiots I'm going to give you $5

that's all you're getting you were rinsing me before for not knowing how business works you're like you know there's 10 of us in what if someone wants out what do we do then as if that's never come up

in any kind of business before I'm not saying it's a new idea I'm saying what do we do though only get fully flush people in listen I land Tommy you're out

I land at 4.30 I land at 4.30 on the 21st of January it's happening what the fuck this is everything is moving way too quickly

I think you know what guys you're out Stanley's open for business Stanley and Breen a subway in the corner guys

I'm free ping pong as far as the eye can see guys I have weekends off at the moment if you need a cleaner or something, I'll do it in exchange for being able to sleep at the back. Tommy, why didn't we think of something like this? Let's pick a place and try and buy a subway.

Some guys have all the luck. Some guys have all the luck. We were just in the right place at the right time. The place we told them to go to at the time we specified. You want to do a podcast festival? Middle of May. I'd fuck it. Just you and me.

Jesus. Can we at least have your cruise gig? Is this even our podcast anymore? So, how's it going, fuckers? Welcome to the show. Hello, fuckhead. We need more suggestions for the listeners. We're happy to, if this goes ahead,

do a bit of crowdsourcing of ideas for menu, names of drinks. Name of the bar, that's the thing we've got to work on. How big is the bar that you looked at, the 25 one? There's a couple there. There's one, it's a bit small. Give me a size compared to a sp there. There's one quite, it's a bit small. It's like all of them. Give me a size compared to a spleen. Oh, smaller than that.

Okay. It's like. Typical, that type of island bar. Yeah, yeah. Smaller ones where they say, oh,

it comes with, you know, 15 seats. Yeah, it's just a room. Do you have it? There's probably like, but there's outdoor areas and stuff.

Yes. Yeah. So that's the key thing. Yeah, there's quite a nice one that's down, a little bit down from where we stay On Chowing Beach It's down at The next beach down

Which is Lamai Beach If there's only 15 seats Every seat will be named After a shareholder Yes Not bad That'd be good That's nice

Yeah The Harley brain It just keeps getting taken We've got plenty of time to make jokes about chairs let's get to business but there's one in Lamai Beach

which is a bit more outsidey and you know got the classic look with the bamboo seats and tables and the coloured lights I'm not into classic

bamboo I'm out I don't want bamboo you don't like bamboo it's a bit too classic for my taste really what do you want it's a bit too local what do you want what do you want it's a bit too local

what do you want I want a Maserati let's buy a car I want the whole bar to be made we're buying a car instead of you we're buying one car

yeah even a car's too much you know what let's just all rent Sleepless in Seattle let's go in quarters on a DVD for the week you know what

everybody give me a dollar I'll figure something actually could you guys get out of my house that is the best idea anyone's had so far me a dollar. Actually, could you guys get out of my house? That is the best idea anyone's had so far. Well, we do have

to wrap this up for another week of the Little Dum Dum Club. Guys, thank you for listening. Thanks for listening to the shareholders

meeting. Is it possible for you to get on one of those pages right now and just see what higher end, if we go right on the

beach, what's expensive for a bar? 50 grand, I reckon, is what we're aiming for. Yeah, I think I looked at one the other night which was like, it's not in the key area we want or anything like that. You're going to have to go out and eat it. Not in the target area that we've narrowed it down to. It's in Vietnam.

Yeah. It's in Melbourne. It's Melbourne CBD. We're trying to buy iFi. You're looking like 60 to 100 to get a proper beach front. Okay. Good one. But these are good ones instead of like hole in the wall,

14 seaters or whatever it is. You want one you can perform in. Yeah. That would be good. One on the beach would be, I mean, Tommy, if you remember Lamai Beach, remember when we went to Lamai Beach this year? Yes. So remember where we had lunch

Where you've got a heap Of bamboo seats In the sand And plenty of room There's a word in there That I'm not a fan of Sand Yeah

Why don't you like bamboo I'm just fucking with you I'm not I hate bamboo I don't know if you've been Listening to the scientists lately But I don't think Beachfront is a good idea

On an island A low lying island I don't think this is A 60 year idea to be fair. Sure. Yeah. Like, I want to be out within six months. Yeah.

With half my money back. You just want to buy a bar in time for the podcast festival and then sell again. Yeah. Need to sell it quick. Sell it to someone that's there. Like, take them out, get them drunk. Do you want to buy this? 60 grand?

65 grand. Make a sweet profit. Oh, bang. Let's get out. Didn't you meet a guy there once when you were blind drunk at Ninja Crepes? Yes. Who was like trying to get you to... He tried to sell me an apartment and I was very tempted in that I was messaging my then girlfriend saying, hey, what about this?

This sounds really cheap. And she said, whatever you do, don't say yes to anything this guy's saying. All right, but it sounds good and this beer is tasty. How many times has somebody in your life said exactly that to you? I think there should be someone right now saying it to me. There is. It's your wife. Yeah, that's right.

I forgot about her. Well, look, I don't want to be responsible for any rift in your relationship. We need to sort this out. We need to get written confirmation from her. We need to get the lawyers involved with a divorce contract. I'm going to message her and say, sperm wants to know if you're okay with us doing this.

We learned that, by the way, we learned last week that, the listeners learned that, you know how you can change nicknames on Facebook? Yeah. Like you can change, like if we're talking to each other, you can call me something different on there. Yeah. So I've,

he's got me as everywhere smiley face and I've got him as sperm. And that's when we talk to each other, that's, it comes up as that, which I just realised, and we told the listeners that the other week. I didn't know you could do that.

We told the listeners that the other week, which they delighted in. They're very happy with that. I just realised after we left it, that means that, you know, instead of saying Tommy and Carll if we went by our nicknames we'd be called sperm and everywhere yeah yeah that was that's claire hooper's suggestion for what we can call the bar oh sperm everywhere no but sperm sperm and everywhere everywhere that is that's pretty cool well we got to rename the podcast sperm Sperm and Everywhere with Tommy and Carl.

Sperm Bar. What do you think? I didn't realise the Subway franchise that is for sale on this. Andrew went Have you looked it up?

Yeah. Sperm. It has all the equipment already. Yeah. That's unheard of in an actual franchise. Oh, really?

You usually have to buy that yourself as well. It's got like a three-year contract there already or something like that. Why are we just buying that?

Because you can't get drunk in a subway. Not with that attitude. I'm out. We weren't in. You can't put an item called the dumb cunt sandwich on the menu. It's not interesting to us. Yes, you can.

That is actually a really, really big compliment. Maybe we could do it in and out, how they've got the secret menu, like animal style. It's like the dumb cunt sandwich exists. It's not written up there. You've just got to know to ask for it. Can I see the secret menu? Is style. It's like the dumb cunt sandwich exists. It's not written up there. You've just got to know to ask for it. Can I see the secret menu?

Is there a beer on it? Yes. Okay. Great. I want all secret menu stuff, please. Well, Harley Breen, Andrew Stanley, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you, bud. Andrew, you will have left the country maybe by the time people hear this. But you're back next year. But you're back for the festivals. Yeah, yeah. Back back for the festivals yeah yeah back for all the festivals

Fringe World Adelaide and Melbourne so Perth Adelaide Melbourne next February March

April yeah when they run yeah I'm not going to come over outside of them that'd be weird yeah

January 25th till oh we've got heaps of listeners in Perth Adelaide Melbourne

yeah till the end of May or the end of till the end of May or the end of April and where can people find you online a.stanleycomedy that's all my stuff great

yeah Harley you're doing all the festivals and stuff next year yes I am I start with the Woodford Folk Festival which runs from

Boxing Day to New Years and then Christchurch Buskers Festival Adelaide Fringe Brisbane Comedy Melbourne Comedy Sydney Comedy Festival and finish off at Perth Comedy Festival. Great. Yes.

HarleyBreen.com. That's me. Yeah, great. Guys, we've got all our stuff on sale at the moment, which you've heard about at the top of the show, littledumbdumbclub.com. Thanks. We've got the Mirabarra Podcast Festival coming up very quickly. Yeah.

When's that? January 13th. 13 13th 13th of January I'm there great is this an actual festival again or is this just another holiday just us doing a gig in Carl's hometown

in my country hometown of 8,000 people which is going to be very interesting all this talk of future plans of bars and stuff is irrelevant because we're going to die

on January 13th oh sweet well then I'll own the bar let's hope so guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you mates Die on January 13th. Oh, sweet. Well, then I'll own the bar. Let's hope so. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. Oh, they've done it again.

Oh, we've done it again. Oh, sorry. I was just listening to that. I forgot they were us. Oh, are they still in the same room now or not? No, they've gone. Oh, they've gone. Yeah.

That was quick. They've left that room that they were in when they were doing that. Okay. They got lunch before they had a curry together. Have they gone to get that bar happening or what? I believe there was a follow-up discussion from one of the guests immediately after that episode. Those people were very keen

as soon as we got out of it. A certain Irishman sent us both a message with a website that he found about how to own a business in Thailand, which we'll discuss on a future episode. Yes. Yes. We're getting to work on this thing. It's exciting slash so dumb.

So, yeah, looking forward to it, though. Imagine if we have that bar happening in time for Koh Samui in June the 13th to the June the 18th. I've just leant into it. Like I went to a thing over the weekend where I saw a bunch of, you know, kind of friends and friends of friends that I hadn't seen for a while and they're like, what's going on? I'm like, yeah, just about to buy a bar in Thailand.

Like I'm just – it makes me sound cool. Do you know what I mean? It sounds – it's a nice thing to be able to say. Right. At the age of 31 that you're about to own a business, you know. Yeah, yeah. It feels good sound cool. You know what I mean? It's a nice thing to be able to say at the age of 31 that you're about to own a business. You know? Yeah, yeah. It feels good.

Funny. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. You seem depressed by it now. No, no. It's just I was so excited by it and I'm still working on it, but it is more work than I thought it was going to be. It's tricky, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's trickier. So we'll get into it. But again, we've got to talk about this on an app. I alerted you to a potential loophole before we started recording this that hadn't crossed your mind. Yes, so we'll get into that later on. We'll talk that out.

Ooh, that's good sizzle. I'm going to subscribe to this podcast. So that's all by the by. Nice. What else? Yeah, what were we talking about? Yeah, look, all the live shows that we've got coming up, I know we talked about it at the top of the episode,

but some genuinely interesting things coming up. Yes. Just the – ask what's going to happen in Maribor. People are going to come to Maribor. What sort of people are going to come? Returning to Adelaide, what the fuck are we thinking? Is this – is it going to happen? Brisbane, dancer or no dancer? There's so many questions. We know the answer with Brisbane. Brisbane, God, is it going to happen? Brisbane, dancer or no dancer? So

many questions. We know the answer with Brisbane, Brisbane, God, it's going to be full. Brisbane, yeah. It's always fun doing those little, those little festival timed jaunts around the country at the start of the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's going to be really good. Yeah, the month of shows in April will be very fun. It's good stuff. It's all good stuff. The, well, a tiny little bit of update on the Koh Samui bar, actually, now that we're speaking about it, is I have been, since we've been talking about it on the show, some guests, some friends of the show have heard us talking about it

and have hit us up and gone immediately, I am in. How much do I have to pay? I'm in. I mentioned it in front of Tommy Little the other day. And he went, when are we going to check out the bar? I'm free in three days. And then he's like ringing me up going, are we going? Are we going?

And I'm like, oh, man, I can't believe someone's pressuring me to go to Koh Samui. And I'm saying, just cool your heels a little bit. You just said this verbatim on the episode. Oh, did I? Fuck, sorry. Cut it out. To be fair, we recorded that a week ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he hit me up. He's hit me up again yesterday. He's like putting a pressure on me. He's telling it a third time. Yeah. No, he hit me up yesterday. And I'm like saying to him, oh, man, the more I look into it, it's harder to just go over there and

just grab a bar and that's it. Unfortunately, very weirdly, it's ended in me not going to Koh Samui. Wow. We were looking into it. We were looking into it for before Christmas. Guys, if anyone's ever... There's a lot of people that have done this sort of thing before.

If you've got any experience with this sort of stuff, hit us up. If you've got any tips and tricks, if you work for the Thailand government and you are willing to risk being executed to help some Australians own a bar. I dare say, if we had any listeners from within the Thai government, we may have heard about it by now. Who knows? This could be their first episode they're listening to.

We got a lot of feedback last week about when we said, are there any geniuses that listen to us? Doctors, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We've been hit up by a lot of very smart people apparently a lot of a lot of phds being thrown around a lot of doctorates being thrown around so it's good to know that if one of us has a heart attack on the podcast and we say is there a doctor in here there'll be someone listening i mean it will have been a week in the past but yeah also not a lot of medical doctors i think there's like if we need some philosophy straight after we die, we're a big chance.

Yeah, we need a nice little quote for the old tombstone. A eulogy. Yeah. So, we now need to thank the people who support us on Patreon. People contribute to the show. You get it for free, but if you enjoy what you hear, you are most welcome to give us a little bit of your hard-earned money to say thank you, and we very much appreciate it.

It's been great to see how that's grown over the what? Nearly, it's two years now that we've been doing this. Oh, the Patreon, is it? Yeah, we started it right before Christmas. Oh, very nice. Yeah. Well, and of course you get little bonuses. We put out our magazine, and we're always very proud of our little magazine that we put out

and the bonus episodes. I think in particular the last two episodes, the bonus episodes have been great. I do too, but I have to say, like we've said before, you put them out, you email them to people and then you literally hear nothing back. Yeah. Oh, look, that's understandable. Sure. Whatever.

Fine. But it is, I send the email out going, oh, fuck, the inbox is going to just go crazy with people writing back going, this was so good. Yep. And people never do it. Yeah, yeah. And fine, but it does feel like, it kind of feels to me like we send it out

and it's like, does anyone actually listen to it or read? Like, does anyone see the content? Right. Because it's good stuff. Yeah, it is good stuff. But having said that, I would much rather that happen than everyone unsubscribe and give us no money anymore. Sure.

I mean, yeah, I mean, if it was that bad, people would do that. Yeah. And they're not, so it must be good. And it keeps growing. So, yeah, a couple of corker bonus episodes is the point there. So, if you want pieces of that. Should we just say, perhaps for people who do not subscribe the last one was a live one that we did

in Melbourne that some people came to where we had Nick Capa, Andrew Stanley, Adam Knox and Brett Blake and the show got railroaded by Capa being extremely blind drunk on his birthday and the one before that we did a

call in show where we had a call-in show. Yeah. We had guests, friends of the show call in over the phone. Yeah. And that was a lot of fun too. Very randomly. Yeah. Yeah.

So we're trying to do, yeah, some different stuff here and there. So you do get some good different stuff. We mess around with the form. Yeah. Yeah. It's something a little bit different, but I think the quality is exactly the same as, if not better than this stuff, the freebies. Yeah. So, yeah, the freebies. Yep.

So, yeah, thanks for everyone. That has contributed and continues to contribute. It is much appreciated. And we also show our gratitude in this way. We read out names every week and we thank those people very randomly. Obviously, we've used some of that money to put towards the technology that we have before us, the random name generator. And anyone who came to that live show, they saw the random name generator. And anyone who came to that live show,

they saw the random name generator? We brought it out in IRL. Yeah. And it was bucketing down with rain that day. So we took a huge risk transporting it to the venue in such, you know, if we'd got any water in that thing, it would have shorted the circuits and we would have been fucked. Well, let's see.

Let's see if there's been, this is the first time I've brought it out again. Oh, really? Yeah. Right, right. You had it set up, had's been... This is the first time I've brought it out again. Oh, really? Yeah. Right, right. You had it set up, had a towel under it, had the hairdryer going. Yeah. Okay.

Well, fuck. Yeah. I mean, this could be very damaging to this part of the show, the random name generation. And I don't like the idea of having to replace that technology because, you know, as you know, it's pretty expensive stuff. Yeah, and I think it's just, as of today, it's just out of warranty. Oh, shit.

So we won't be able to get it fixed anymore. This was his last day on the police force before retirement. Wow. That is bad luck. I know. Okay. How much did it cost us again? $6,900.

It's not cheap. Yeah. It's not cheap. But hey, maybe the Boxing Day sale's coming up. Yes. Maybe it might get slashed to $690. Well, when they do an upgrade on the technology and whatever, maybe we can buy the older model.

Not bad. Go look it on Gumtree. Might even get it for $69. Oh, yeah. That's literally a hundredth or a tenth or something. It's cheaper. It's cheaper. It's way cheaper.

Yeah. All right. Let's do it. Let's read out a couple. Okay. Or more. Yeah. Do we? What? Just a couple or any? read out a couple or more. Do we...

What? Just a couple or any... I said a couple or more. What about a few? Well, how many is a few? A few... A couple's two, right? A couple is two.

I think a few is traditionally five. Is that... What? Is that a thing? Yeah. I thought a few was maybe like three or two or three or maybe it was like changeable. If a couple's two, why would a few was maybe like three or two or three or maybe it was like changeable.

If a couple's two, why would a few also be two? Because there are words that mean the same thing. Name one example. Fuckhead and dickhead. I would think, I think they're pretty different. In what way? Dickhead is something that you would use with more affection and fuckhead is like this guy's really gone and done it. Dickhead is like he was mucking around being a bit silly.

Fuckhead is like he's really, really done something. All right, dickhead and cockhead. Still, I couldn't explain to you the distinction, but you just know which one to use in the moment. Okay, all right, well. Let's do a few. Lift an elevator. But those are just separate terms.

It's not two words for the same thing. They're two different words that mean the same thing. But I think that's, isn't that more of a regional thing? Surely there's just different places in the world that call it a lift and call it an elevator. Well, I think that's very applicable. Just when people thought this bit of the show couldn't get any more boring, we proved them wrong. We constantly continue to outdo ourselves.

No, this is the bit that people will be interested in. I know this show. This is what people like. Well, look, let's do a few and whatever that means to you, you just do that number. Okay, all right. Thank you, too. Let's go.

Well, definitely, look, this is the first one. It won't be the last one. At least... At the very least, we'll do two. At the bare minimum, we'll do two. Yeah. And then we'll see how we feel. If they're good, we'll do more.

Okay. Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Thank you so much for your money. And support Erica Dawkins. Dawkins? Yeah. Hmm.

What do you think? D-A-W-K-I-N-S. It seems like another one we've done. Fuck, don't say that. I swear we've had the last name Dawkins because we talked about Richard Dawkins. Yeah. No, it was a different. Different Dawkins?

I just checked. It was a different Dawkins. Wow. Is this the first time we've ever had two people from the same family contribute? Wow. We need a new family tree. A couple of weeks ago, we had Joel Dawkins. Now, we've got Erica Dawkins.

The Dawkins family tree. Oh, they've done it again. Wow. I can't wait until Osama bin Dawkins chips in 118 weeks' time. Wow. Well, now we need the history. Guys, Joel and Erica, let us know. It could be a coincidence.

Well, that's what we need to know. Yeah. Is there – I mean, we won't give you the same material that we gave Joel Dawkins because basically I don't remember what it was. So, we might give you the same material. Yes. But in our defence, to us it's new.

Yes. So let us know. There needs to be a family tree drawn up. What's the relationship? Is Joel Dawkins the Dawkins family dog? Does Erica Dawkins own – is she secretly Madam Dawkins? Is she? Yeah.

From what is it, the Kitty Cat Routing Ranch? Routing Ranch, yeah, in Texas. Is Joel Dawkins the Pope, a Pope of some form? Let us know. Yeah. We need to know the Dawkins family tree, the family history. We need to know how you guys relate to each other, please. By the way, we do need to do a shout out to-

And if you're not related, you know what? I'd like to put you guys together. I'd like to matchmake you. Oh, get married. Because if you get married, no admin needed. What do you mean? Well, they've got the same name already. But do you worry that if they...

Oh, yeah, no, good point. Yeah. Do you worry that if they did get married, they would then be in a situation where then the Patreon money is coming out of a joint bank account and instead of two subscriptions, we're just getting one. I'm more looking forward to them having a kid and then the kid opens up a subscription as well.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Baby Dawkins. I hope they have multiple kids. Baby Dawkins starts chipping in. Great. 69 bucks a week. Can we give a quick shout out just while I think of it to, what's the guy's name?

His YouTube name is Berkaloid314, who fulfilled my request from, I think it was last week, for a super cut of every final Patreon name we'd ever done on this show. Yep. It's a great clip. Go look it up. We've posted it on the socials. I had forgotten how many months in a row the names were exclusively

about sperm and drinking sperm. So it was a nice little trip down memory lane for me. I didn't like it. I heard him and went, oh, what did we say all this stuff for? And then it got to the comedy family and I was like, oh, this is good. But he's done a great job. He's put a little beat under it. It is so funny.

So that we're in time. It's great. It's so funny. Yeah. I kind of want little bead under it. Oh, it is so funny. He's made it so that we're in time. It's great. It's so funny. Yeah. I kind of want to get the comedy family one isolated and just use that. You want to get all the sperm out? Yeah. How is sperm?

How is sperm? Everywhere is good. Oh, that's another corrections corner. In that episode, I said that it was a winky face. Yeah. It was a smiley face. It's not a smiley face. Right.

Okay. Anyway, thanks, Erica. Thanks, Erica. Let us know. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jodie. Oh, two girls in a row. Do you like that? I'd prefer they be at the same time.

Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jodie Grz. And that's a real thing. G-R-Z? Yes. Grz And that's a real thing G-R-Z? Yes Grz Yeah, she sounds like Is she one of the Wu-Tang Clan? Wu-Tang comedy?

Yeah Yeah, that's very, very interesting And boy, what a I mean, every coffee order you've placed, every form you've filled out, must be a constant struggle. Grz. Grz. And how do you pronounce it?

I feel like we're doing a pretty good job. Grz. Grz. No. Grz, maybe? Grz. Maybe that's it. I would say Grz.

Grz is just weird. Grz. I like it, but it's a pain to say. Grz. Grz. It must be Grz. Grz. What kind of nationality? I would say Gers Gers is just weird Gers I like it But it's a pain to say Gers Gers It must be Gers Gers What kind of nationality? I can't

I can't pick that at all It's I Look my go to answer To anything like that Is Eastern European Because I don't quite know What Eastern Europe is

It's just A place It's broad Yeah But it's like saying Asia Yeah Except different Well yeah

Yeah Thanks Thanks Gers Maybe it's Grez Grez I don't mind Grez Grez makes more sense I think

Look I hope some more I hope we need a Grez Family tree As well Sure Just

You know what I've had enough new names I just want the same names Again and again Relations from now on. If it could just be like maybe five families that chip in and that's it. The same five families every week. No, but I mean like there's like 600 people that contribute. Right.

But there's only five families within those 600 people. Yeah. So every week, say for for example we did five a week there'd be the same surname dream on yeah sure there'd be the same surname at number one it'd be it'd be like the dawkins yes family then at number two would be the gers family gres gres yep and that's and that's fun every week we can have this debate again yeah that's fun yeah yep then three is is what I say next. Four, five, six, seven, eight, and so on.

Yes. For however many we do that week. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Thanks, Jodie Gruz. Thanks, Jodie. Grez.

Thanks, Grez. I think it's Grez. Thanks, Greza. Thanks, JG. Let us know, please. Number three, thank you to Patreon subscriber. Wow. Wow.

Number three Thank you to Patreon subscriber Wow One letter Of being one of the biggest Evil Creatures Of the last hundred years Thank you to Patreon subscriber

Charles Mason How is it one letter off? Charles Manson Oh I forgot that was his name Yeah I thought his name. Yeah. I thought his name was literally Charles Mason.

No. Charles Mason instead of Manson. Just a consonant off having a swastika in the middle of your forehead. Do you think if he – so you think if his name actually had been that, he would go, well, I better just do exactly all the same stuff this bloke does. Yes. I'd do everything that the previous Carl Chandler ever did in history. Oh, and who was that? A guy with a podcast 100 years ago.

Right, wow, okay. That's interesting. Yeah, and I'm basically possessed by that spirit. Is it still going? And history just, this is it. Oh, we inherited it. Yeah, because you do the same thing that the old Tommy Desolate does as well. Oh, right.

Yeah. Right. You're forced to continue whatever your past named person did. So our fates are we're just constantly reincarnating as the same people with the same podcast. Doing the same thing. So this will go on for a... So we're kind of immortal in a way. Well, yeah, slightly, but not at all.

Okay. It's very confusing. Oh, that's at all. Okay. It's very confusing. Well, that's very interesting. Yeah. Well, I'm glad this Charles Mason subscribes so that we found that out. I hope he broke the habit and just got rid of one of the letters out of his name and lived a nice life without having to kill anyone. Charles Mason.

You know what? That's the only thing I really hope for any of our listeners is that they've never killed anyone. Hey, let us know if you have. Genuinely. We've done this shout out before. We've got new listeners since then, though. Yeah, okay.

I feel like we did that a couple of years ago. We just need to do it every week. Did we say if you've been to jail, I think? Yeah. If you've killed a man, let us know. Yeah. How did it make you feel? We had someone come to a live show in Brisbane in the middle of the year whose dad works

at a prison. Oh, yeah. And she brought us some of the currency they use in there. Yeah. Yeah. That was great. Yeah, and I've still got it somewhere just in case. You never know.

Did we talk about that at the time? That's very interesting. Well, we're talking about it now. Yeah, it's very interesting. If you've got anything weird like that, totally. Yeah. Again, if you killed a man, let us know. Did it make you feel like a big man?

How did it change you as a human being? Wow. Taking someone's life. We are opening the door for some fucking brutal emails to come in. I feel like I'm bringing out that question. I feel like a lot of our listeners have at least thought about it. Yeah. And about us.

As they're listening to this. Well, thanks, Charles. Thanks, Charlie. Thanks, Chucky. Thanks for doing the right thing, hopefully. about us as they're listening to this well thanks Charles thanks Charlie thanks Chucky thanks you know thanks for doing the right thing hopefully

I mean maybe that didn't sway you at all maybe you went out maybe he's worse than Mans yeah for all we know yeah maybe he's got two swastikas

in his forehead thanks Maso thanks Maso what are we up to number four number four for this week it's going well

it's going well why not keep going yeah do at least one more thank you to Patreon subscriber What are we up to? Number four Number four Four for this week It's going well It's going well Why not? Keep going Yeah Do at least one more Thank you to Patreon subscriber I think you've got a bit to say about this person But we'll see

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Brandon Lyle What have I got to say about them? This is a Patreon subscriber That somehow has fucked up his email address every week and when we go to send him bonus stuff uh yes i think he spelled his name wrong in the email address or something there are a few people who i beg every month go into patreon and update your email because you've done it wrong you've fucked it You've spelt your own name wrong. You've put hotmail.com. Yes. You know, fuck me dead.

You've got brandonlyle.hotmail.backslash.com. Yeah. So there's now, when I email the stuff out, then the next 10 minutes is just replying to all the automated thing where it bounces back because you've sent it to an email that doesn't exist and having to go, oh, okay, that's right. That one's wrong. That's wrong. So, I mean, for the love of God, sort your shit out.

Yes. So he's one of them. I mean, thanks for subscribing. But also. Thanks for the money. But get your fucking admin right. 99% of the way to having a full thanks from me. Yeah.

Oh, wow. The email is the last piece of the puzzle. The money is not good enough for Tommy. You need the bells and whistles to be correct as well. I'm glad you get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand. I didn't really realise that about you,

but I think I now know everything about you. But hey, Brandon, you know, look, I'll say this about him. It's meant that he's stuck out from the pack. Yeah. Better or worse. Yep. You know, he's on my radar. Yeah.

He has stuck out because he's fucked his email up consistently and in a way like you know what better you know what's more dumb dumb than that yeah it's kind of perfect in a way yeah um yeah so thank you thank you thanks for your money once again and and he's been there a while because he get for some reason in the in the little admin bit of patreon where we have to fix everything up, it always slips into the wrong section. There's always a lot of work. It's like it's very – he feels very needy, yet it's not really his fault that much.

Yes. But there's a lot of work. We're constantly doing extra Brandon Lyle work when we shouldn't have to be. Yes. We're really working for this fucking money, Brandon. Yeah. All right? Yeah.

Now, fucking up your game Yeah Hey spell your email however you want If you want to chip in a You know 10 extra dollars a month Yeah Fine

Make us work for it Is that a new echelon of the Yes We'll gladly suffer through How hard it is to email stuff to you If you pay us 69 bucks a month Spell your email however you want. Just go johnny at getfucked dot dot question mark asterisk fuck you

dot dot com slash dolphin slash emoji of a hamburger. And it's on us to work backwards and work out what it is. We have to do some PI work. Okay, that's not bad. Track you down. You know what? You might not even have an email address and we've just got to find out where you live and then rock up and then actually do the live patreon bonus episode to you yeah i'm in i'm in i'm happy

to sign off on that okay well thanks brandon thanks brandon a few options are there for you look that's tired me out right So you want to stop right now? I've got one more in me. You've got one more in you. Okay. All right. In you. Okay.

Well, how do you feel? Oh, look, I'm happy to do another 10. Just, I mean, all that talk about how much work it is to put Brandon's email address in. Brandon's tired you out. It's just realized me that time on know, time is, time is, our time on this earth is finite. You know what I mean? Like I'm already losing hours out of my week to this idiot who can't spell hotmail properly.

Right. And what am I sitting here doing 50 names at a time for, you know? So Brandon has, has reminded you of your mortality. Exactly, yes. Right, right. Okay, well.

Alright, cool. No worries. Let's do this and let's go out there and live our life. Yeah, exactly. Go out right. Okay, well. All right, cool. No worries. Let's do this and let's go out there and live our life. Yeah, exactly. Go out there and smell the flowers.

Yep. Thanks, flowers. I don't think flowers is a subscriber. I think that's a free shout out you did there. I'm not happy with

No, I'm thanking Brandon Flowers from The Killers. Does he subscribe? For all the great hits that he's given us over the years. This section, you're

not allowed to thank anyone for anything unless we have money. I'm very sorry. Yep. Fuck you, Brandon Flowers. I think that's equalized that. So, one more.

Let's say, all right, cool. Here we go. Let's hit the button one more time. Oh, yes. We haven't been mentioning that we've been... It's just been... So, it seems like it's working fine. Do you always mention that you're using a microphone?

No. Do I? No, you don't. Oh, okay. Because it's just a thing that you take for a microphone? No. Do I? No, you don't. Oh, okay. Because it's just a thing that you take for granted. Fuck, I mean to. Right, right. Well, go for it.

I've been fucking up every episode of this show so far. Go for it now. I've been coming in the one, and I'm saying this into a microphone. Good. I've been coming in. Finally. The main thing in my head is you say, hey, mates, you do the show for like an hour, you make sure it's recording, and for the love love of god let not a single minute go past where you don't remind the

audience that you have been talking into a mic exactly i don't want anyone to think at home right at the moment that this has been unplugged no there has been electricity involved we uh have been saying this directly into a microphone each yes two. Two microphones between us. Yes. So people- One each. Not like one of us doesn't have two and the other one has none. Sure. You're not- People can hear this because it's been recorded electronically.

Yes. You're not standing in the- You're not outside their window. They don't have to panic. Yep. I mean, you might be. What a coincidence. You're not-

You guys have got headphones on at the moment or whatever. This is not us in your heads. We've been using a microphone. I can't stress that enough. You're in the car. We're coming out of the speakers. We're not in the bonnet just shouting this into the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We, again, I feel like it's been too long, but we're using microphones. I'm using a microphone right now. You're using one. I'm using one. And I'll verify, you know, If this was like applying for a passport, you'd have to get like a witness. Should I take a picture of you with the microphone?

Please. I'll verify that you... And I'll take a picture of you taking a picture of me with the microphone. So I'll verify that you're talking into the microphone. Would you do me the same courtesy? Yeah. I don't want any complaints.

I'm getting a photo of you. Okay. Where should we post these? We'll just put them on socials or something at some stage. I'm just want any complaints. I'm getting a photo of you. Okay. Where should we post these? We'll just put them on socials or something at some stage. I'm just trying to focus. Okay. Okay. That'll do.

Wait. Fuck. Why isn't it focusing? I'm very blurry today. Okay. Here we go. Okay. I've got a photo of you using a microphone.

Yep. I've got the microphone. I think I've got the microphone in that picture. Actually, I didn't really. Can you put your phone down a little bit? Oh, yes. Yeah. How's that?

That's better. Yep. Great. I didn't get the name generator in the photo, because I was zoomed in pretty close on the microphone, but that doesn't matter. It was very fuzzy. Yeah.

Great. So we've got that. So please, guys, don't complain. We've got the proof. Don't be a dumb, dumb truther and say that we're not using microphones. Yes. Well, unless we Photoshop these pictures, but we promise we haven't. So to reiterate where we were at just before.

Microphones. Brandon Lyle has made me realize that I'm wasting too much time in my life. Yep. So I'm busting to get out of here. Yep. Let's just do one more. Yep, one more. Okay, great.

So as I said, I've hit the button. You've hit the button. Yep. And it's working again. That's here. Yep. Let's just do one more. Yep, one more. Okay, great. So as I said, I've hit the button. You've hit the button. Yep. And it's working again. That's great. Yep, yep. And we've got, it's still buzzing around. It's still flipping around this last time actually.

Oh, so it's been, oh, maybe the, fuck. Maybe the rain has. Fuck. It's like a little, you know, when you see the. The rainbow wheel on the map. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like when you see the wheel go around on like a raffle and you're going, oh, you know, stop on the car, stop on the car.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's doing that. So at the moment, it's just slowing down. I'm going, stop, stop. Right, right. Oh, this is going to be great. It's like Pluck a Duck. Yeah.

It's about to stop. I think we're going to get another one from the Dawkins family. So if it just... Oh, we've just missed it. Oh, fuck. We were so close. We were going gonna have like a running little family thing there good finally yeah a running joke on this show yeah a little

running joke about like the the same people too accessible to new listeners that's what i've always said about this show we nearly had a bunch of people from the same family subscribing but anyway it's gone past that with them all you can't pass that now so we'll do well look we'll do the next one on the wheel. Okay. Great. So thank you to Patreon subscriber John Wilkes Comedy. Now, I think I read about this guy at school, funnily enough. What did you read about? He assassinated Abraham Comedy.

That's right. That's all I've got here. Yeah. Anything else there? That actually right. That's all I've got here. Yeah. Anything else there? That actually answers what we just said. Has anyone ever killed a man that's listening to the show? Well, there you go. We've got John Wilkes comedy.

John Wilkes comedy. Right. Wow. Well, that's fascinating. He was at a live podcast and he shot Abraham comedy. I have to say, I wonder if Abraham comedy was a subscriber before that happened. Oh, and he was shot before his name was read out. Well, yeah, I was looking through the records and I did notice that in the last month our Patreon money

has gone down by exactly $69. Oh, no. To say to me that a deceased bank account and a state that we've been written out of. Oh, God. So, look, I'm glad to have verification of this, but, I mean, look, to our Patreon subscribers, look, I'll just say this.

Murder whoever you want. Yeah. But don't be murdering other Patreon subscribers. I'll put it this far. If you're going to do that, you've got to double your Patreon subscription. Right. You have to cover theirs.

John Wilkes Comedy, you have now got to start paying $138 a month. Wait, you worked that out quick. Yeah. I know how to double stuff. Yeah, but there's a nine in there. They're always tricky. Yeah, I'm pretty good with that stuff. Okay.

I'm all right. So, look, you know, we can't enforce that, but I think it's the right thing to do. Yes. John Wilkes. Yes. So, for once in your life, come on. Yeah. Unless we're written into Abraham Comedy's will. Look, we've had some fun here. We've shot a guy. Yes. John Wilkes. Yes. So for once in your life, come on. Yeah. Unless we're written into Abraham Comedy's will.

Look, we've had some fun here. We've shot a guy. Yeah. The buck stops here. Yeah. Quite literally. The 69 buck stops here. We've all had fun, but at the end of the day, what we really want you to get out of this

podcast is don't shoot people. Don't, well, don't kill them. I mean, what a great message. Yeah. This should be played in schools. Yeah. If you've got one thing out of this episode is we are using microphones and don't shoot slash kill people.

Yeah. Let's two things. Okay. Well, just the, this is so informative. Just the microphone, just the microphone.

Yeah. Don't worry about the second. That's more, that's kind of more important to me personally. Yeah. We, we, that needs to be said.

So don't worry about the second bit. Okay. All right. Well, Hey, I am knackered. Thanks guys. Thanks to everyone who continues to support us. Yeah. That needs to be said. So don't worry about the second bit. Okay. All right. Well, hey, I am knackered. Thanks, guys. Thanks to everyone who continues to support us on Patreon. We really appreciate it. Head to littledumbdumbclub.com for all your live tickets.

Maryborough, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, Koh Samui. It's all coming up. It's all going to be heaps of fun. We will see you out there somewhere in this big wide world of ours. Coming to you once again through microphones. I'm saying this into a microphone. Carl laughing at what I've said into a microphone. That's how you can hear him.

I wasn't laughing at that. That's very, you know, that's good information. I was just thinking of something else funny. Oh, but you still, what you just said, it was into a microphone. Yeah, I wasn't laughing at you, though. Well, we're going to say our sign-off now into microphones. Thanks very much, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want. It's up to you.