The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 376 - Adam Richard & Ray Badran

Episode Date: December 19, 2017

Fresh from the UK, our old buddy / Nick Capper fill-in RAY BADRAN joins us this week, alongside The Fabulous ADAM RICHARD! We hear about some recent activity involving Karl's indoor soccer team (Greg Larsen's Rat World), speculate on the outcomes of our impending live episode in Maryborough and hear about Ray connecting with a fan in London. Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:MARYBOROUGH: Is this the worst idea ever? Let's find out! We're doing a live show in Karl's hometown.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbecasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a really fun new episode with guests Adam Richard and Ray Badron. But first of all, we've got to tell you about a few live shows that we have coming up for you in the new year. First of all, January 13, we are going back to a certain hometown. we are going back to a certain hometown. Local idiot made good, dragging his little friends up from the big smoke to show off to all his little, you know, country town mates. Local idiot made good-ish.

Good-ish, yeah. Local idiot made okay. Yeah. Made slightly better. Yeah. Still not good, but an improvement. We are going to Meriburra, the hometown of me, Carl Chandler. So we are going up there for a live show.

People have been, we've been talking about this for years. Listeners have been talking about it for years. We should do a live show up there. We've been talking about it for years, mostly going, imagine doing that. Something we definitely should not do. You know, that's how we've been talking about it. Yeah. And now it's happening.

But then we went to Thailand and went, fuck, why are we not going to Miraburra if we can go all the way to Thailand for a show? So we are doing it's happening. But then we went to Thailand and went, fuck, why are we not going to Meribah if we can go all the way to Thailand for a show? So we are doing it, guys. It is going to be something we've talked about for so long, the culmination of probably about five years of talking about Iran. So get your sweet little hineys up there, especially if you live in country Victoria already. If you're in Bendigo, Ballarat, any of those sort of, even Meribah, even those sort of

smaller towns, this is your chance to not have to travel too far to one of these live shows. Plenty of people from Maribor are coming already, and I've heard plenty of whispers of people flying in from other places. Whispers? Yeah. Interesting. People have been whispering it to me.

It's almost like people are ashamed of going to Maribor. Yes. And speaking of bad ideas for places to do shows in, Adelaide. We are finally coming back. We are doing a show adjacent to the Adelaide Fringe Festival, March the 17th. It's going to be, what is it, two podcasts back to back? Is that what we're doing? We should have probably worked this out, but probably.

That's what we're doing, I think. Okay. Big show in the afternoon. Heaps of friends of the show in town for the Adelaide Fringe Festival. So those shows are always super packed lineups, super fun day. Look, against all of our better judgment, we're going back to Adelaide. So don't, you know, you've been yelling out for it all year. Don't make us regret it.

The last goodbye tour. The last chance tour. Yeah. The last chance. Yeah, this is about the third one of them in a row, but sure. Can we, you know, like Ronnie Chang will name all of his tours of like one city. Yeah, one gig that he does has a name. Yeah.

Is this our last chance tour? Yeah, the last, yeah. Yeah. So don't fuck us over. March the 17th. Going to be heaps of fun. Looking forward to that. That's on sale right now as this episode goes out?

Hopefully. Let's say absolutely. Let's say it is. Let's say it is. So, yes, that is coming up. Also, the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival happening June 13th to 18th at the Ozo Chuang Samui Resort. If you go to littledumbdumbclub.com slash Koh Samui,

that has all the information for you on there. Please, read all that. We try not to talk about it every week, but just to be very clear, grab a ticket. You need a ticket

to the festival this year. It's us with the dollop. There's going to be heaps of shows and little stand-up bits, podcasts, bits and pieces all over the joint.

You need a ticket for that to happen to finance us being able to go over there. You then need to check in to the Ozo Chuang Samui Resort who have been lovely enough to put us up. There are heaps of people that have signed up for all of that stuff already. It is going to be a chockers resort full of podcast fans.

So please do all of that stuff. Go to the website to find out all of those details. In terms of airfare and stuff like that, we don't have an opinion on what you do. do all of that stuff go to the website to find out all of those details make your in terms of airfare and stuff like that we don't really you know we don't have an opinion

on what you do yeah do what you want fucking swim over there yep so do all that but you need the accommodation you need the ticket

to the festival so please go and do all that all the information littledumbdumbclub.com slash samui enjoy this episode with Ray Badron and Adam Richard.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and sitting across from me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. I believe you have a little bit of mailbag for us. That's a bit of mailbag. I am doing a bit of overdue mailbag. Here is sometimes people send us emails. They never get replied to because Daslow won't fucking check the email. That's his job. They get replied to anyway.

Well, this is one that was replied to two months later, so I'll read it out here. And it's worth a readout. I think it's very entertaining, I thought. Here it goes. G'day, dickheads. I'm listening to the Dumb Dumb Club from Senegal, West Africa. It's nice to have a weekly dose of dickheadery so far from home.

Yesterday, my husband, a French-speaking West African man, overheard me listening to one of your live podcasts. Tommy had been hanging shit on Dilruch, which prompted my husband to comment, wow, that girl really hates the fat man. It's unclear which of the two of us she's talking about in that one. That could be either way, any way around. We don't know.

He also asked me what dumb cunt means. Turns out it's quite difficult to accurately translate it into French, but I think I managed to convey the general sentiment. My husband is now determined to insert the phrase into every English conversation we have. Well done. You may have just pioneered the use of dumb cunt in West Africa. So they gave us AIDS. We've given them that now.

See, I would have replied to the email sooner if I could have thought of a response as good as that. So, fuck. Alright, well let's get our two guests in for this episode, two great friends of the show who we have not had on in a studio episode for quite a while.

First of all, the fabulous Adam Richard. Hi. Was I in that episode that you recorded in the singing auditorium? Oh, yeah. No, we can say it on this one, the Sydney Opera House. Oh, that's where we were. Yeah. Yeah, I led you in blindfolded as a surprise anniversary gift.

Because I remember halfway through the episode, Carl's like, we can't use anything you've said. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot to say before this episode, can you, everything you think of, can you not say it today? And also joining us, he's been overseas for a bit. He's back in the country doing some shows.

Please welcome back Ray Badren. Hey, mate. Thanks for having me back on. What you've just told us before the show was that you were once likened as the Sydney answer to Nick Capa. Is that right? Yeah, but don't repeat that. Don't put any validity towards that statement.

If there was like a Jim's mowing of Nick Capa, you'd be the Sydney. I don't know what Jim's mowing is. But Capa moved to Melbourne from Sydney. So when you were both in Sydney, how the fuck did that work? Well, that's probably why I got out. This town ain't big enough for the both of us Capas. No, they said that and with accompanying that statement, they put a picture of Nick Capper wearing fishnet stockings on it as well

and said this is – This is on social media. This is on Ray Badrick. From one of our live shows that that photo was taken. Presumably, yeah, or they've just caught Capper on a regular Tuesday night. Yeah, I mean, there could be another photo of that out there of him. Who knows? There'd be more than one, surely.

Yeah, but how did you feel? Did that make you feel? I don't think there would be. I mean, how did he afford that pair of fishnet soaps? How did that make you feel, though? Insulted and ridiculed, really. But the people love him. The people love him on this show.

It's a compliment, right? Yeah, mate. I've seen your fans. There's no compliments on this show, surely. Yeah, yeah. You're right. It might have happened because the first couple that I did were live podcast and I was a little bit pissed for some of them

and they turned into like slight roasts. That's the actual comparison. You come on here, you tell these fuck stories, we jump on top of you. Yeah. That's what Kappa does as well. That's fucked. That's fucked.

He copied me. That's why. That's why. Oh, you had a fucked life first. No, I did the fuck stories thing. I come on, fuck stories, interject,

and then yeah, we'll all have a laugh. And then Kappa came on, his stories aren't even fucking real. They're not. Oh, wow. He had to dress up in fucking fishnet stockings and stuff and propeller hat or whatever the fuck he wears on his show.

Is he like, are you like the capper and he's like the, what is it? I'm not the capper. This is already blown out of proportion. No, but like, you know, when Kramer was on Seinfeld and he sold all of what is it i'm not the capper this is this is already blown out of proportion no but like you know when kramer was on seinfeld and he sold all these stories and so oh yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that is fucking true that would be true actually yeah we need to have a fuckwit off where we get these where we get capper and badger on a live episode and they go story fits story and one of them we ban forever yeah whoever the audience likes less, they can never come on the show. But who do we ban?

The least fucked one or the most fucked one? I think we'll just know on the night. Keep the original. Ban the copy. Right, right. Because every time you come on, people who listen say to me, that Badrin guy, I felt bad because he just sounds like he's off his head. But the thing about you is you just sound like that all the time.

You sound like that now and you're presumably sober. I was in New Zealand about a month ago. This fucking happened to me twice before, but this was the worst one. I got rejected from a bar sober. I walked up there and I was on my phone. To be fair, in New Zealand there are a lot of bouncers. Laces. It was just a cafe.

But, yeah, I was on my phone. I walked and I bumped into a telegraph pole. I mean, this is fucking, I sound guilty. Even if you are sober, you shouldn't be like that. This sounds like one of Nick Capper's made-up stories. Yeah, Nick Capper, I bet you'll be on here, he goes, yeah, guys, yeah, I was in Fiji. I was on the phone.

And then, yeah, I bumped into the guy. I walked up there and he goes, mate, not today. And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, you've had too much to drink. And I said, I haven't had anything to drink. And he goes, you should have made up for something, not just said nothing. I was like, oh, so I should have actually lied and said I'd had one

or two drinks. But I'd had zero drinks. Was this when you were on your phone, were you looking at the photo of Nick Capper in fishnets? Can I explain why you said, well, this guy's fucked. Yeah, my jaw was dropped. This is fucking unbelievable. I am not fucking Sidney's Capper.

Well, no, no, of course I'm not Sidney's Capper. He's not Melbourne's Badron. Well, no, no, of course I'm not Sidney's capper. He's not Melbourne's badger. Right. I'm confused by all of this. Yeah. I'm confused by all these open micers. I'm the room and he's the disaster artist. Oh, very good.

There we go. There we go. Fantastic. Now I get it. Yeah. But that is great. So you're the original really shit thing. And he's like trying to be a shit thing.

But I've got shit things down in my core. It's in there. But what you're saying is he's a real-life good-looking guy doing a role where he's fucked. Yeah, he's putting on the fishnet. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't go that far. Okay, let me give you a different comparison.

I'm the Mars bar. He's the morrow. He's no, no. Don't go that far. Okay. Let me give you a different comparison. I'm the Mars bar. He's the morrow. He's the morrow. He's the morrow. He's better. He's the morrow. Oh, hi, Ray.

That's from the room. Oh, yeah. I'm with you. Yeah, I know that because I am the room. I did not bum at that open mic. I did not. Oh, open mic. I did not. Well, we're off to a flying start. You're really earning your title here.

Thanks, mate. I'll have a go at this. I'll try and out-fudge you. I'll give you a story. I know you've got stories coming up. Yeah, I've got some stories. You've said to us you've got some things that we might be able to pile on, so that'll be fun. For the listeners at home, Adam's actually been speaking heaps,

but it's all been filth and we've had to cut it all out. I do apologise. I'm sorry I compared you to... Oh, no, don't. Don't give him a gap. I've got nothing to do with this conversation. Don't give him a gap. There's Melbourne people talking Melbourne stuff.

I'm from the Big Smoke. This is what I did the other day The big smoke I am from the big smoke You are the big smoke Yeah Yeah Sounds like you've been Having a lot of the big smoke

No The big chump You can get drugs In the big smoke You might not be able To get them down here Wow What are they like

Like Hollywood Like Hollywood Have you guys got Uber down here Or Yeah we've got Uber down here? Yeah, we've got Uber. What am I talking about? I live in Sydney. I've mentioned this before on the show.

I play for an indoor soccer team, for a futsal team, named after Greg Larson for some reason. He definitely does not play and I will say could not play physically. Oh, really? Definitely. He's real fat. He can fill up the goals pretty well. Oh, really? Definitely. He's real fat. He could fill up the goals pretty well. Yeah, I guess so.

He lives in Sydney now too. It's an all comedians, who cares? It's an all comedians. We've taken him away. It's an all comedians team, so there's a bunch of comics. Give it its full name, Greg Larson's Rat World. Yeah, Greg Larson's Rat World. Actually, this is what's happened recently.

So we made a fan page. We've got a fan page online, Greg Larson's Rat World. You can like it what's happened recently. So we made a fan page. We've got a fan page online, Greg Larson's Rat World. You can like it if you like on Facebook. Oh, my God. All we do is we put on every week whether we won or lost or whatever. So we played a little while back a couple of months ago and there was a fight. There was a fight on the field.

And here's the thing. The game was playing. We were getting creamed by these guys. And all of a sudden someone – I couldn't tell exactly what happened but someone accidentally hit one of our players and then they got really mad and punched them back. Oh, that's sensible. And then the dad of that player ran onto the field and clocked him.

Are you going to give us names? You were playing against children. Here's the thing because this is what we then found out Because we're like Oh these guys are all like six and a half foot Or whatever But because kids are a lot taller these days It's like

Then we find out they're all 16 and 17 And we've been getting our ass whipped by these kids You literally just in a roundabout way Use the phrase kids these days This is the beginning of the final chapter for you, my friend. Also, given how often he goes to Thailand, I don't think it's the first time he's had his ass whipped by a child. It's nice for the interaction to go the other way for once.

Oh, finally, Adam got one into the edit. All it took was a bit of pedophilia and you were fine. And that's the tamest thing he's said so far. So this kid gets clocked. Then his dad comes in, clocks someone else. And then we find out after the game. And the dad runs on and goes, they're only kids. They're only 16 and 17 years old.

And we go, oh, fuck. We're in for it now. I can't believe this is what's happening with a bunch of, oh fuck, we're in for it now. So like, I can't believe we're getting, you know, this is what's happening with a bunch of kids, right? Anyway, we finish the game

and we get on, we all sort of go, fuck, that was weird, that was pretty full on and we drive away from the game and we pull up at the lights and we pull up

at the exact same time as the wagon full of kids who were just pointing at us and laughing at us and we're like, fuck these kids. I'm going to fucking bash these kids next time. So we get to the pub and we go, and because we always update our score and whatever,

we always be a bit silly and say, you know, hey, we won 8-6 and Carl fell over or whatever happened. Yes. That sounds hilarious. Yeah, it's very good. So we get there. Split my sights. We put the score on and we go, oh, look, we lost 12-3

plus one of our players bashed a kid. And then we look at it. We get an update about 15 minutes later. Someone's commented on it, a fan of the page. We look at it. It's one of the players from the other team. So they've somehow found our online page and started commenting on it. And we're like, oh, fuck, what's going to happen here?

It's one of these kids. So he's commented under that, you know, one of our players bashed someone else on the other team. And he's put asterisk child abuse. So then these guys are just following us every week now and like trolling us every week on our page. Because you told me this right after it happened. I didn't know this was an ongoing thing.

You're still weighing thing. Yes. You're weighing in. Yes. Great. Except now, the funny thing is, instead of them being shitty with us every week, they've now grown to gone to sort of being like, oh, no, we like these guys. Even though they bashed us, they like us. So then they, and they're so much better than us. They just put messages every week going, oh, hey, guys,

good to see the senior team going really well. If it's okay, we'd like to change our name to Greg Larson's Rat World Under-17s Development Squad. Oh, yes. Yes. Fuck, this is great. They want to be our juniors even though they're in a division above us now because we got relegated for being so shit.

For being beaten by a bunch of children. Yeah. Fuck. And their parents. Yeah. So they're on there every week now just like seeing what the score is going. Oh, well done guys. Can't wait to get in the seniors one day. Fuck, this is great. Do you want to have any kind of

rematch? No, they were too good. Right. Yeah. But what about a different sport like, you know, just take them on in boxing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Billy Cart racing maybe. Belly cart racing. They don't need their driver's license. Yeah.

Well, that's it. I think the last thing we sent to them was they went, oh, well, we won. And they were like, oh, yeah, great work. And then we just posted a picture of ourselves drinking beer going, it would be nice to do this one day, wouldn't it? So. I'd like to get like a junior division of this podcast. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Two kids that think they're a little bit like us, like some school kids, they start a podcast together. The ABC3 of Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah, we have like you search on iTunes and you can find the Little Dum Dum Club and then you find the Little Dum Dum Club under 17s. Oh, yeah.

You know? Little Dum Dum Club babies. Yes. Like Muppet babies. Yes. Any kids that want to start this up. Dum-dum babies. Let us know and we'll promote it.

Yeah. What would the equivalent be? Like there'd be the child version of me wanting to go to where instead of Thailand? Oh, like Dreamworld or something. Dreamworld, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just goes to Dreamworld all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what they'd be.

They'd be the little dum-dum club. The little dum-dum club. That's it. Little know what they'd be. They'd be the Lil Dum Dum Club. The Lil Dum Dum Club. That's it. Lil Dum Dum Club. So it's L-I-l-little-dum. The Lil Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah, cool. So, hey, can't believe I'm saying this.

If you're under 17, send us an email. Invite children to email you. You've got the child version of me going to Dreamworld all the time and then we've got the child version of you. Instead of having cancer, he's got chicken pox or something. He's teething. He's teething. Sure.

He's borrowing money from his nan. Yeah. Actually, a lot of your qualities have childlike things about them anyway. Maybe you can just be in that version. Sure. I'll go on as a guest. I'll have you to teach him a thing or two about being a kid. You can be like the Anthony

Field of the Wiggles where he just sticks around for the new generation. Yes. That's great. What about Not So Little Dilra? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's stop having fun. Back to the indoor soccer. So back to the futsal. Futsal.

So I played on the weekend and we did a thing where whenever I go to play, I'm wearing – we play in the National Strip of Thailand, by the way. Of course you do. I bought it in Thailand. I brought home the National Strip of Thailand for us to play in. Fucking weird uniform to wear, by the way. What is it? It's red.

It's just red, right? No, it's all the colours of the rainbow. It's bloody all over the joint. And it's so weird that I went into the way what is it it's red it's just red right no it's all the colors of the rainbow it's bloody all over the joint and it's so it is so weird that i went into the uh shop to buy it and i i was picking them up and they'll it wasn't like a uniform it's just like fucking all of them were kendone paintings or something it was just all over the joint and it was all different and i was picking them up going well which one's the real one and they go well they're all the real one i'm like but they're all different colour. How does it work if one team wears

all different colours or every player wears a different colour? He's like I don't know it just works. I'm like okay alright.

These kids beating you up when you're dressed in basically rainbow flag all of a sudden is a very different story. Yeah yeah. It's all gone a bit romper stomper

all of a sudden. So so Even I would have bashed you. Yeah yeah. It's all gone a bit romper stomper all of a sudden. Yeah. So. Even I would have bashed you. Yeah, yeah. That's fair. So we went to the game and when I go, I'm always wearing that. I'm wearing my shorts and so and that's it. Like I don't have any pockets in any of my clothing.

So whenever I go to soccer, I'm always like this. Like I'm always carrying the phone, the wallet and the keys in my hand. On the field. Yeah, no. Go around. Yeah. You've just got the keys sort of slipped through two fingers like a bootleg brass knuckle.

You're not allowed to touch the ball with your hands, so they're free. They're spare. No, what would have been good was because of those young kids, it just makes me feel extra old, so I just put them in a bum bag and wear them around the field. That'd be good. A fanny pack. Yeah, yeah. old, so I just put them in a bum bag and wear them around the field. That'd be good. A fanny pack.

Yeah, yeah. So, I'm always just carrying them around. So, anyway, we play the other day, we win, we always go to the pub after the game, right? So we go to the pub. Because you're grown-ups. Yeah, yeah, exactly. As opposed to the children. To differentiate us from the much better under-17 development squad. Who you bashed up. Yes.

Until their parents came running. Man, I really hope child services don't listen to me. Bit Brunswick Street hooligans at the moment. So we go to the pub, we celebrate, we have a couple of beers and whatever and then I get up to go. Go to pick up my stuff off the table and go, no keys. Fuck. So I do everything I can.

I like look around the table that we've been sitting at for the hour I go to the bar I think the only places I've been to are like the bar the table

anywhere in between I have a good search there I ask all the other guys if they've picked them up in case they've picked them up with their car keys or whatever I then retrace my steps

back to the car I go to the car you can't lock the car I will say you never look dumber than when you're retracing your steps looking for something that you've lost. Walking down the street, head as close to the ground as you can get it.

With your phone light on. Intently staring at the ground. Nothing signifies to everyone else, hey, everyone, big old fuck-up walking down the street here. Throw in a few haymakers at 12-year-olds on the way just in case. Walking back and you can't lock my car unless you've got your keys. That's true of everything. From the dawn of time.

The keys or the secret password. Mine's got a combination lock like my school locker. You don't have a car with a retina scanner? You pov-o. But you can't lock your keys in the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Because my car is super fucked, isn't it?

You can't. You have to open it from the boot. You have to open it from the boot. You lock the car, automatically lock the windows, the wall are going up, throw it through the window and your keys are locked in the car. It happens quite me, it happens quite often. A lot more than you'd realise.

You just get a bit of momentum on the window. I bet you I can get it through the passenger and the driver's seat window. So, I go back there. I haven't locked them in there. I've definitely locked the car and then left with the keys. So, I go back and I do two laps. I go back again. I say to the bartender, has anyone handed in keys? No, no, no. No one's handed with the keys. So I go back and I do two laps.

I go back again. I say to the bartender, has anyone handed in keys? No, no, no. No one's handed in any keys. I go and look around the table again. I have a question. Yes. Do we want to take bets at this point of the story where the keys are?

Do we want to speculate? The kids. Or will that ruin the story? I'm with the kids. The kids. Kids love keys, you know. They're always speculating. They love playing with them, you know.

Rattle them in front of their face. This is how I discover the next generation of little, little Dundon pub. But no, you're at the pub so the kids aren't there. Again, a much dodgier story if this happens in Thailand. But yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, if this happens in Thailand, are they up your arse? Yeah, no, no, no.

So. I reckon they're in his hand. They're in his hand the whole time. Right. That's what I think. All right, all right. Well, you get on to sports bet. Sure.

Are they sponsoring that? Yeah. Yeah. So I do another lap at the pub and everyone's like, oh, fuck, what are you going to do? I'm like, oh, because literally I've never lost my car keys before. It's not a thing. What's your answer if you lost your car keys in terms of not only getting in,

I've got roadside assist, ROCV, I can get into the car, but they don't come along with a spare key that you can actually drive the car with. Do they? What's literally, this is what's running through my head at that point, what's literally the answer if you lose your car keys? You don't have a second set anywhere. Right, so there's a second set of keys to my car at my parents. What's literally the answer if you lose your car key? You don't have a second set anywhere? Right. So there's a second set of keys to my car

at my parents' house. Right. Okay. Everyone's got spare sets? Fuck. That's great. What are you doing? I think you're going to get a toad

and then like, I mean if it's in a spot and then order a new set of keys you'd be fucked. Just you. You run out of toilet paper in your house. What are you meant to do?

What are you meant to do? Just wipe your ass on the walls. You know what I do? Just wipe your name in shit up the wall. I retraced my steps to the last piece of toilet paper I've used. With your light on your phone. It's the bloody kids. The kids took my toilet paper.

Unfortunately, I've locked the toilet door so I can't get in there. I'm trapped in here. Kids love toilet paper. They're always throwing it at houses. They're always doing that. Luckily, I've got RAC poo. I'll bring you some toilet paper. So I start going, fuck, what am I going to do?

What am I going to do? You know, even if I ring RACV, get the roadside assist, they'll let me into the car. And that's the thing. I'm thinking, well, I've got – there was actually a bit of money in the car. So I was like, well, that's the only thing I'm worried about. The money I had in the car is worth more than the car because that spleen bucket rattling around in the back seat so there wasn't that much money in the

car but it was still worth more than my car is worth i think so um i go right what am i going to do so this is getting on this is like 10 o'clock at night at this point and i'm only dressed in the flimsy little th multicoloured shirt. No, you're getting a bit chilly. Yeah, getting a little bit cold. So I'm like, fuck, what am I going to do? All the other players I'm with have been drinking. They can't drive me or anything.

The priorities all of a sudden from like how am I going to get home to all of a sudden it shifts to I'm cold now. I'm cold. I'm going to jump. But I've got to get home. I don't have a car to drive home. So I walk out. There's no Ubers or taxis in this city.

He's stuck. Stuck in the city. What had happened in the big smoke? Then will we get some kind of publicly available transport in this country? This is the next part of the story. So I go out into Nicholson Street in Carlton and I go, right, and I ring my wife, my now wife, and I say- He has to remind himself he's married.

If you- My now wife. This clinched it. Current wife. Sorry, my first wife. Why did you have to go down to Nicholson Street to make a phone call? No, no, no, because I go down there because I think, well, I'll wait for the tram down there. And as I'm going

there, I ring and I say, look, if you want to come and pick me up, she's like, absolutely not. I love your wife. Well, this whole marriage is a bust. What's the point? You said for better or worse. My dead wife. I'm going, well, as soon as the better

turns up, I'll start to put up with the worst. So I wait for the tram and I say, look, if you want to move me halfway in the city and she's like, oh, I've got to go in the city anyway, okay. So I go, well, I'll just make it from here to the city. Absolutely no trams. I walk all the way. I start walking.

I get bored. I start running. I start jogging to the city. So it takes ages. On the way, I'm ringing the pub back and to the city so it takes ages on the way I'm ringing the pub back and going you sure you haven't found the keys

they're like no we haven't found the keys I get all the way into the city this is like a Pepsi ad a man locked out of his car running down the street in soccer gear yeah yeah

kids are coming out of buildings and throwing soccer balls at you yeah yeah so I get into the city my wife picks me up we go back and then she's saying what are you going to do now

and I'm like fuck I really don't know because like like I said how do you get I don't have a spare key i'll if i live in carlton i'm going to get all these fines tomorrow there's money in there and if i've dropped the keys on the street like it's a it's a pretty old car and it's pretty distinctive and it's got the bmw sort of uh logo on the key you'd be able to find it pretty easy open it up drive it away grab the money in there whatever you're going to do fuck what am I going to do? So we get home and I say, right, I'm going to go back there somehow,

do RACV road assist, roadside assist, get the money out of there and then come back and deal with the rest of it tomorrow. I think that's, I don't know, that's the best idea I can come up with, right? Which if you'd been thinking you could have done while you were still there. Yeah. Instead of going all the way home and troubling your wife. Life wouldn't have been inconvenienced. Where's the fun in that?

I know. Where's the fun in this story if you haven't put your wife out in the middle of the night? He needed to get out of the cold clothes he was in. Yeah, yes. Oh, he wanted a jumper. Yes. Into his thinking pants.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because I would have gone into the city and gone to the Red Circle boutique and bought a jumper for like $7. At 10.30 at night on a Sunday night. Oh, yeah, no, they close at 9. Yes. Can I ask what DVD your wife had to pause watching in order to come

and pick you up? Failure to launch? No, she's onto Netflix and stuff now. Oh, she's got onto Netflix. You guys have got that down here, haven't you? We've got that in Melbourne. You've got it. It's all right.

Yeah. We unblocked the region code so we can get in Melbourne now. Ironically enough, the length of this story is making me feel like I'm binge watching a series on Netflix right now. You've got to wait. It falls when it gets really good. You've got to stick out all the bullshit This is what I go through

When I try to tell a fucking story On this podcast So I said to you You say a fucking half a sentence You're like Yes I wore a shirt It was a bit cold You're like

Yeah you're fucked In your cold shirt I know you're For fuck's sake I am to you at the moment What you are to Kappa No no no You are to Kappa What Kappa is to me.

So I get home and I start figuring out all the things that I can possibly do and I'm saying to her, what should I do? Is this what I should do? She's like, I don't know. She's trying to sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that this story has thought processes in it.

Yeah. It's behind the scenes of my actions. Yeah. So I go, look, I think this is the plan Is this the plan? She goes, I don't know Just do whatever you need to do Like it's 10.30 at night

I've got to work in the morning I'm going to go to bed So I go, okay And she goes, whatever you do Go and have a shower first You're fucking stiff Great Great

Yeah Great Okay, no worries So how long have you been in the house pacing around? 20 minutes probably At this point, okay You're fucking stiff. Great. Great. Yeah. Great. Okay, no worries. So how long have you been in the house pacing around? 20 minutes probably. At this point? Okay.

Working up more of a sweat as you're getting stressed, trying to work it out. So you smell like an open mic now. Yes. Well, you really are Kappa. We should really do a scratch and sniff episode. What's this one? Hurry, that must be dill.

Hang on, hang on. We can still smell kappa from three episodes ago. This one doesn't. There's a little treat for the listeners. That's something you can't get from the podcast. Message us and we'll tell you what all the guests smell like. Yes. Not many people are doing smell comedy, you know.

You've got prop comedy, you've got smell comedy. It's a whole new ball game. I was at a gig recently, like a music gig, and the people near me were wearing a really nice cologne and it made me like the band more because I kind of projected that onto them. I'm like, this band smells great. It says a lot about, I mean, I can't imagine what it's like for the poor punters who come along to our gigs sitting

in the middle of that mess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I've said this before but I honestly cop it like a couple of times a week. Whenever I walk past something like an open sewer or something really bad, I smell it and go, oh, that smells like Thailand. That's nice.

Is that why you eat over the bin? Yeah, yeah. I love this, like having dinner in Thailand. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, like it's a really bad trash smell. I'm like, oh, it feels like I'm on holidays. That's great. It's like that special scent that they use in casinos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that special scent that they use in casinos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that. You've got that with fucking drainage. It's like. Burnt hair. It's like a Viagra spray or something. What, you get a wreck when you smell the sewer? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nasal spray. Yes, exactly. Viagra nasal spray. It reminds me of child prostitutes. Oh, no. Okay, so you're at your house. You're in the shower. Yeah. Talk us through that. No, no, no. Please open nose is broke. This reminds me of child prostitutes. Yay. Okay, so you're at your house. You're in the shower. Talk us through that.

No, no, no. Please, spare no details. So the pants come off. No, no, no. Listen. Stop just lathering yourself up. Stop doing the Chandler fan fiction. Just try to accommodate Adam.

I have never thought about it. Oh, no. Adam's straight now. So. I've always assumed you had a vagina anyway. Who are you talking to right now? So, I work out all the plan in front of my wife and she says, okay, I don't care. Just go to the shower.

Go and have a shower. Okay. She's very vehement on a Sunday night after I play soccer. She's very vehement about me going to the shower. She's presumably, she's trying to sleep at this point, right? She's in bed? No, no, no. She's not quiteement after, on a Sunday night after I play soccer, she's very vehement about me going to the shower. She's presumably, she's trying to sleep at this point, right? She's in bed? No, no, no. She's not quite in bed yet.

She's about to go to bed. She's watching The Crown on Netflix. Yeah, yeah. She loves binge watching those shows. So I go to the bathroom. I go, well, I'll go to the toilet first before I hop in the shower. Oh, here we go. Yeah.

Finally, something for the ladies. Yeah. So a bit more scratch and sniff. So to check whether you needed to wash down there especially. Yeah. So I drop my Dax and it sounds different from normal. There's a jingle. Oh, my God.

I drop my dicks. I find my keys. They've been resting against my arsehole the entire time. They were up your arse. I was right. They were in my undies, but like around the back, they were wedged in my arsehole the whole time. Wow.

I ran up Nicholson Street. I ran all the way up Nicholson Street and did not notice keys in my arsehole the whole time. Wow. I ran up Nicholson Street. I ran all the way up Nicholson Street and did not notice keys up my arse. Or dislodged them. Yeah. You just felt like you were getting bummed by Robocop? It felt like someone was trying to break into my arse. Man, I wish I'd put some money on this. It's bad.

It's like this uniform's so cold, especially on my arse. Boy, that tag is lethal. I don't know why the coldness has concentrated around my arsehole for some reason. So I walk out and my wife's there looking at me as I walk out and I just jangle the keys in front of her and go, look at this. And she goes, and she's not joking at all, she just stops and she goes white in shock and just goes, what's wrong with you?

She goes, honestly, honestly, and I've never seen her so serious, she goes, honestly, what is your problem? I'm like, look, it's a very fair set of questions. I don't actually know. I say that to you at least once a day and it doesn't register a mention. I'm glad that it's coming in from other avenues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I literally had them up there and I'm like.

So you know when people talk about like smuggling a key? Yeah. That's not what they mean. You know that, right? Right. What, how? I don't have to bake it into a cake if I go to prison now. So how do you think this could have happened?

How did they get in there? I think – I mean you being married. Yeah, yeah. Finding someone who loves you. Yes. Talk us through it. Yes.

Sometimes I put my wallet down my pants because there's nowhere else to put it or whatever. So I must have put keys in there as well and then they've gone all the way back around and then I just did not feel them, did not notice them, did not. But my question is like the wallet and the phone, why not just leave them in the car as well? You're already leaving by your own admission a fucking wad of cash in there.

You're already leaving valuable stuff in there. Yeah, but I didn't think about the wad of cash in there. So I did think about my phone and my wallet. So I was like, oh, I want to take them with me. And you bring your wallet because you've got to buy stuff at the pub. Your wallet seems to have your entire worldly cash in there. So I did think about my phone and my wallet. So I was like, I want to take them with me. And you bring your wallet because you've got to buy stuff at the pub. Your entire worldly possessions in it. I do have a big fat Costanza wallet. It's a stupid Costanza. I thought mine was

ridiculous, but that is insane. That's actually pretty thin at the moment. It's out of control. That's a bit thin. What's that so thick from? I don't know. Obviously not money. He's got a lot of loyalty cards. You'd be hoarding loyalty cards that each have like two stamps on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of that stuff.

Consolidate them, bro. Hey, you never know when I'm going to need this Civic video card from Mirabarra Video Shop again. There's some places where if you go in and you've got like four loyalty cards from them, you just get them all to put stamps on them. Oh, from the same place. Yeah, but you can't trade like a boost juice stamp for a coffee stamp. You can't trade commodities.

Yeah, you do that at the airport, you know, at the money translator. Play the stock exchange with this. There you are, boy. Two of your boost juice stamps. One of those Starbucks stamps. It would be great to do even if you just went, like if you put it to the guy serving you. Say you've got like a full boost card, right, and you go to Subway and you go,

look, man, you pay for this sandwich. I give you this boost card. So you're getting a free boost. You're still, if you could pull that off. Well, then you might as well bring shit in from your house, you know. You buy the sandwich, take this DVD. Take this set of keys, don't smell them. I once had someone ask me to give them 50

bucks for a TAB slip. They go, it's worth... Alright mate, we all know Fleety. It's worth six grand. Like if you cash it, I'm like, no it's not. Yeah. How about we go cash it together? I'll give you 50 out of the six grand.

Yeah, exactly. So that, so, yeah, so there's no more to this. There was enough in there. No, but sometimes with you, with your stories, I move on and then you go, oh, there's 40 more minutes. That's just the beginning. Can I just ask, as someone who

Oh, well, then I actually had to then go back and get the car. And I get to the car and I'm like, where are my keys? They're down my dick hole. And then my wife goes for a shower and she takes off her bra and that woman on the ground. And I'm like, what's wrong with you? These kids are like that, you know that cartoon dog

where the wolf is always like pushing him into a safe and pushing it off the pier and then turns around and he's standing behind him. Well, actually, this is exactly what happened. I then walk out. I go, it's like 10, 30, 11 o'clock at night. And I go, oh, God, I've got to go out. You tried for a lift back, didn't you?

Catch the, yeah, of course I did. Of course I did. The gall. And she went, absolutely not. So I got out of there and then went, right, I'm going to go and catch a tram or a train or whatever. Oh, man, trying to catch a tram or a train Sunday night at that time of night. Sunday night is, this city has, the public transport turns off on Thursday. So it took me well over an hour to go over that way and whatever.

And I go, and as I'm going, I'm going, what a ridiculous story. There's no way I'm going to tell anyone on my team what happened. Because if you do anything, you know, all you have to do is bash a kid and all of a sudden you get shit for it on that team. So I go, absolutely not. I get on the train, get on the tram. When I get off the tram at the stop where I only have to walk like 200 meters to get to the car, as I get off the tram, I hear, Chandler, you fucking idiot.

I look up, two of my teammates are right there. They live next to the tram stop I'm like they're like what are you doing hang on did you find your keys what the fuck happened

I'm like oh I've got to tell the story now they were up my bum yeah if they live next to the tram stop near your car why didn't you go to their house I didn't know they lived next to the tram stop

I found it out right then when they yelled at me yeah hang out at their house hope that they tell you to have a shower yeah next to the train stop. I found it out right then when they yelled at me. Yeah. Hang out at their house, hope that they tell you to have a shower. Go to the toilet and you'll be fine. But now, I want to say, as someone who has stuck things up my ass

for fun and pleasure. This is Adam speaking. Don't pretend you haven't done it. I'm very aware when there's something in there that's not meant to be. I'm not saying that they were inside them. Get a load of old bucket arse over here.

Fucking the keys didn't even touch the sides. What else is in here? What else? I've been looking for this for years. I've smuggled back some dragon fruit. Honey, remember that spatula we lost? Some people say I don't show enough emotion.

I just don't have any feeling from the waist down apparently. Your wallet is so big that it's just gradually eroded your arsehole and rubbing against it in your back pocket.

Yeah, it's gone in through osmosis. It's just gone in there. See, how much fun is this bedroom? This is what it's like on the other end of one of your stories.

It's much funner But my stories are quite normal Yours keys are up there I'm just like walking to the shops Are you a fucking idiot? Exactly yeah Who the fuck walks to the shops? You have a fucking oomph at your dumb cunt

This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club has been very kindly brought to you by our friends over at Dollar Shave Club. Oh, boy, they are excellent. I just found out how much they're paying us, so I love them even more. I've always been supportive and we've got their product and I'm like, this is good, but now that I know how generous they are with us, I'm like, guys, get out and support them.

I wondered why you've never brought that up. It's information that has been emailed to you multiple times. Really? Yeah. It's in there. It's in the inbox, baby. Dollar Shave. You guys, you guys are the best.

We're both currently, here's a glimpse behind the curtain, we're both a little scratchy at the moment. A little bit unshaven. It might be time to get out the old Dollar Shave Club pack that they've sent us. Oh, I'm going to shave myself raw. Shave the amount that they're paying us into the back of your head. I'm going to get rid of any bit of hair on my entire body now with Dollar Shave.

It's worth pointing out, though, that that number that I told you before, that's in Bitcoin. So that could, look, who knows how much that's going to be worth by the time this ad is done i'm gonna i'm not doing the podcast anymore i'm gonna retire on the money we're getting from dollar shave club dollarshaveclub.com delivers high quality razors uh right to your home for less than what you would pay at the shops for a razor there's no need there's no reason to deal with the hassle of going to the store to buy expensive razors when you join Dollar Shave Club. You head to the website. You pick the razor that works for you from the lineup of amazing blades, and that's all

there is to it. We've been sent the executive razor and the Dr. Carver's shave butter, which we're both big fans of. The good doctor. The smoothest shave imaginable. Try and imagine a smoother shave. You cannot do it. Man, you know what? Dr. Carver, all Try and imagine a smoother shave. You cannot do it. Man, you know what?

Dr. Carver, all well and good. Works perfectly. I've been doing a little bit of nifty shaving without anything, and it has been good enough without it. Really? Yeah. Well, look, I think the emphasis should be on they obviously want to sell more of the products if possible,

so don't be telling people that they don't need the butter. But that's how good the races are. I'm saying everything about them is good. I'm saying the butter is so good that you should just use it even if you don't need it just as a little treat for daddy. Sure. Well, I've been eating it. Or mummy.

So it's fine. Yeah, it is. You've been eating it? Yeah. It's good. How's that go down? It's great. You told me we should be saying good stuff.

Well, then it's great. It's yummy. It tastes great. Definitely if you're a young child, definitely eat it. Change your mind. Don't do that. It doesn't taste great. It's a great product. So here is your chance to see why over 3 million members like us love the

Dollar Shave Club. Right now you can get your first month of the club for as little as $5. After that it's just a few bucks a month. Dollar Shave Club is so confident in the quality and value of all their products that there's no long term commitments or any hidden fees. So there is no reason not to join. If you head over to dollarshaveclub.com slash dumdum, that is how you can let them know that you came over from this podcast. And please do that so that they continue to give us sweet coin

for these incredibly professionally done ads. Totally. And you know what? You guys have always supported the little sponsors that we've had. We never try and flood you guys with it, but we've always had products that we fully endorse. Get onto this thing. If these guys are going to buy us this money,

please support the fuck out of these guys. Forget plush your chocolate mousse down the dunny. I wish you'd read the email that had the number in it when we started doing these ads three months ago. Hey, I'm all for the product itself. I've been very positive about the product. I believe in the product. But I fucking believe in the money even more.

So you were positive about the product and now you're also positive about the people working in the advertising department. Before it was just the product. Now it's the people working in the advertising department. Like before it was just the product. Now it's the people working in the office. The people in finances. I love them as well. The people in finances. They are giving me a red rocket.

Hey, you know what? I'm going all the way to the top. I love the CEO of this company. The CEO, the CTO. There are other ones, aren't there? What's his name? Or her. Mr. Carver.

Oh, great. It must be, right? Right. So his relation got the doctorate, but he didn't. He just stayed in business. Yep. And I appreciate that. And look, he's good at what he does.

He's killing it. If being good at business means that you give money to podcasts, then, hey, I'm all for it. Please, get under these guys. So don't forget dollarshaveclub.com slash dumdum. Get your raises. Let them don't forget dollarshaveclub.com slash dumdum. Get your raises. Let them know that you came through us. And yeah, big thanks to Dollar Shave Club.

Enjoy the rest. Yes? Let's change out. We've got a new title for the bar that we buy in Thailand. Dollar Shave Club. Wow. Yeah. Let's put it to them.

Let's see what they want for it. Totally. Okay. Enjoy the rest of the episode. they want for it. Totally. Okay, enjoy the rest of the episode. Well, so, hey, this is what we're doing.

If you want to get to the home of what created all of this shit that just happened within me then, we are going to Mirabar like in a couple of weeks' time now, aren't we? Oh, my God. What is it, January the 13th? 13th. 13th. We're going Saturday night, January the 13th. We're going to Mirabar. I've never – are you guys from the country?

Did you guys grow up in a small town or not? I grew up in Brunswick. Oh, in Brunswick. Oh, you're a rare Melbourne comedian that actually grew up in the city. Yeah. Tommy Daslow is one of them as well, but there's not that many of them that actually grew up in the city. They're usually from another state or from the country or something.

Badron, where are you from? I'm from an hour south of Sydney, but I went to boarding school in Sydney, so I lived in the city as a kid. Okay. For a long time. What was the town that you were born in? In where? The Gong.

Oh, that's big enough. How many people is that? I don't know. There's a few of us, yeah. There's a few of you. Well, there's Barry, my next door neighbour. Right, right, right. My mum and dad, they're still here.

I love how Barry got the first call before your mum and dad. He was there first. I'm going down in order. I'm a dad sent into boarding school. Fuck him. Barry's surname is Wollongong. I guess it was alphabetical order. Barry, dad, mum.

It's Barry Horsley. He lives across the road. Oh, this is just such a Wollongong story, but like the NSL. I know you're into. National Soccer League. The old National Soccer League. 1999 grand final. Perth Glory versus Wollongong Wolves.

And Barry Horsley, who lived across the road, his son, Matt Horsley, was the captain of the Wollongong Wolves. Oh, wow. And that's why Barry got a mention first. I don't know why. So when I thought of Wollongong, I thought of Wollongong Wolves, but it was a fucking cracking grand final. Perth were up three mil.

So it was in alphabetical order. It was like in national honours. Oh, yes. All right, nice. I didn't even put myself in there. Yeah. Yes, you did. You were the first person you said.

No, Barry. in there. Yeah. Yes, you did. You were the first person you said. No, Barry. No, no, no. Right. Mayor Barry. Right. So we're going to do a show in Maribor. I've never performed in Maribor. Never?

Never. No. Oh, my God. This is the thing. Like, going to perform, I was hoping one of you guys, you know, had a similar situation. I thought they closed it after you left. No, no.

Has anyone performed in Maribor? Like, does there have, what's the population? Just the Avalanches. They're the only other people there. They've never performed there either. They've never performed there. Has there been comedy there? Clearly not.

Have you heard him tell a story? We are going to perform in a place called the Maryborough Highland Society slash Violent Society, which is what sort of a town it is. We are performing at the same place that I think but a matter of months ago the Fawlty Towers Theatre Restaurant Show performed at. Oh, okay. So has there been comedy there was my question. Still stands.

Honestly, the times I've been there, the only posters I've seen for comedy have been the F Foley Towers Theatre Restaurant Show and still going around, the Frank Spencer impersonator that goes around the country. I don't know who actual Frank Spencer is, let alone the impersonator of Frank Spencer. The old show that used to be on Channel 10 all the time, Some Mothers Do Have Him, the guy that's like, oh, Becky. I love that fucking show. That was fun.

That was a fun show. It was good. That was a fun show. It was good. That was Frank Spencer. But like to have an impersonator, to think that someone could make a living off an impersonator of that show. Yeah. It's such a niche. I did a run of gigs recently with someone who did an impersonation

of Frank Spencer, Kamal. Great. David Attenborough. Was it Danny McGinley? No. No, he didn't do Yoda. But I was just like, oh, my God. And the audiences were like full of 20-year-olds who were just there going,

gee, there's some weird voices. I think this is a bit old for mum and dad. So that's what goes through this venue and now we're going to go through it. Exciting. Yeah. But like Carl Barron or someone would have been there. No way. Really? It's not big enough. It's not big enough for Carl. No,. Yeah. But like Carl Baron or someone would have been there. No way. Really?

It's not big enough. It's not big enough for Carl. No, no way. Where would they go? They'd go like Ballarat and people would travel down for that. It's an 8,000, like, you know, someone like a Carl Baron performs in front of a minimum probably 2,000 I would have thought. This is like the place we're going to, it'll take a couple

of hundred people. That's about it. What's the nearest big town It's in the golden triangle In between Bendigo and Ballarat That's a line What? That's a line, not a triangle No, it is

Two places He's done his geometry Badger's all over it The bloke from Wollongong knows better than me That's fair enough What's the other point of the triangle? I don't know Oh, yeah. The bloke from Wollongong knows better than me. That's fair enough. Why did it twain? What's the other point of the triangle? I don't know.

I just remember people have said that before. No, but what? You're saying it's Maryborough, then Ballarat, then Bendigo. No, he's saying it's in the middle of Ballarat, Bendigo and an unknown third point which makes up the triangle. No. No, no, no. I've named three things and they're the three points in a triangle. No.

Yeah, you did say it's in between. What you meant was it's in the mix. It's one point off. It's part of the triangle. It's not part of the triangle. Hey, leave me alone. I had a cat at my house. We're one point of the golden triangle.

So it's very very central Victoria Right in the middle, 8000 people So I don't know what we can imagine They were the gold fields Yes, exactly Back in the old days Ballarat's where they had the Eureka stockade It's a gold town

It's the start of democracy in this country It sounds like a poker machine Eureka stockade So It's one of those democracy in this country. It sounds like a poker machine. So, yeah, it's one of those classic gold towns where there's way too many pubs in there than demand for pubs, even in a shithole town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're slowly closing down.

Do they have an industry, Maryborough? Or is it just where people are forced to move? Meth, I think. Meth, I believe. So wine, wine around there? No, no, no. There's wine outside a little bit, but it used to be book printing, but now that people don't read.

It was funny because it's like a book printing town, no bookshop. No bookshop in the book printing town? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if they print government brochures? Yeah, yeah. So I'm very fascinated by the whole thing of me going back to Maryborough. Like I haven't lived there since I was 18 or 19, whatever it was. of me going back to Maryborough.

Like I haven't lived there since I was 18 or 19, whatever it was. I'm worried what the locals' opinions of me are or will be. I'm guessing it's going to be an older crowd too, like a very much old. If there's 8,000 people there, it's like the young people. How many people do you think, because we've got a lot of listeners from like Melbourne and Ballarat, a regional Victoria of ours, coming up to see us because it's a bit of an event. Yes.

What sort of numbers do you think of people are we going to have that are just townsfolk that don't know what it is that go, oh, well, something to do on a Saturday night? Oh, yeah. Well, see, that's the thing I'm fascinated by because I think, like you said, there's a lot of people coming from Melbourne. There's some people flying from interstate. There's people in regional Victoria that are going to come because it's closer than coming to Melbourne and stuff. But I spoke to the manager there at the Violence Society

and he's like, no, I think you're going to get quite a few locals and whatever. I'm like, oh, I kind of hope we don't. Yeah. They're not going to like you calling each other dumb cunts. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't know if they are.

Like I'm a bit worried because I think also, you know, there's that thing where it's like, oh, this bloke away from Maribor years ago and now he thinks he's funny. He thinks he can come back. We'll fucking see about this. He's no fucking Frank Spencer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I love? Do your Frank Spencer.

His cat hasn't even done one whoopsie in his bum's beret. You've got just under a month. If you work on some impressions, hopefully they can get us over the line. What about the Mrs Bouquet tribute show? Oh, yeah, keeping up appearances. I'm trying to think of another show in that era. Yeah, yeah. Can I do an impression of Midsummer Murders?

Is that a thing? I love your arrogance that you think anyone in Meribere gives a shit about what you've been doing. I kind of think that if there's an excuse to bash someone, they'd take an interest. Maybe, yeah. I don't know. Because there's not that many things that happen in Maribor.

What are you scared of? Like let's work through worst case scenario of this show. Well, I guess this is thinking about now, this is what I'm scared of because my last memories of living in Maribor would be when I was you know 17, 18, 19 and going to the pub and literally

whenever you go in the pub you're sort of going alright let's quickly scan the room to see who's going to bash me because everyone wants to bash someone in that pub back then

I think things have maybe changed a little bit So you reckon there's thugs that consider you to be the one who got away Maybe Did you ever get bashed?

No Okay Yeah okay Well that's alright Unfinished business I could be the one sticker got away. Maybe. Did you ever get back? No. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's all right. Unfinished business. I could be the one sticker missing in their album. Yes. You've got family there and family friends and shit or not?

Yeah. Yeah. I sort of don't think I want my parents to go. I'm not sure. I know, but like it doesn't sound like there's much fucking else going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be weird for them not to go. Yeah, your parents have to come.

Yeah, they have to go. Your parents have to come. I'm not sure. I'm not sure if they will come. They have to see how unsuccessful you really are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be weird for him not to go. Yeah, your parents have to come. Your parents have to come. I'm not sure. I'm not sure if they will come. They'll have to see how unsuccessful you really are. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look, if ticket sales pick up, you're going to be begging them to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you decided who you're taking as guests?

No. It's less deciding who we'll take and who just can be doing it. The fucking Frank Spencer impersonator. That's not bad. The real Frank Spencer. Sell the fucking thing out. Because we haven't... Get the Fawlty Towers people on there and you too. That's not bad. We need to get someone who's not from our world.

Get them up at the top to do like 10 minutes as like a sacrificial lamb so that we can sit there and sort of gauge the crowd before we get up there. The little dum-dum club. Get the kids, get the 17-year-olds. Yeah. No, I was just thinking you should book people who are eminently more bashable than you.

Right. Okay. Right. Like, for one thing, you've got Tommy, so that's a start. Right, right. Yeah. How do you get more bashable than this? Or Kappa.

No, no one wants to get near him because, you know. They try to, but they're just like mystified by something. He's got the same protection sort of technique as a skunk. So anyone who does bash him. Except he's always on. Anyone who does bash him for the rest of their life is now known as Stink Fist. Anyway, shout out to Kappa who will be listening this week. Just in case he might have just got confused with the metaphors

that we've used, you stink, Nick Kappa. Have a shower before you put the deodorant on. Don't just pop it over the stink that's already there. We need to get your, hey, you know what? We need to get your wife onto this. Yes. Seems like she's got the magic touch With being able to force people into the shower Hey Kappa have a shower

You'll never know what you'll find Maybe some of the money I loaned him Comes tumbling out of his sphincter He's like a human piggy bank So in Maryborough Are there still To your knowledge Any of your

Past Sexual conquests In town No pretty much Everyone I knew At school Has killed themselves No I'm pretty sure

Sarah left I've followed her For 20 years I know where she is No everyone I reckon I knew moved out. It's one of those towns, it's 8,000 people. If you want to get a job, you had to move away straight away.

As soon as high school finished, everyone moved away. So it's like Tasmania. Yeah, in that it's fucked. Yes. So, no, I quite like Tasmania. I do too. It's good. It's really good.

But I don't want to be a teenager there. Yeah. I think in terms of people I knocked around with, I think there's literally one person left. So I'm really hoping he turns up. Oh, that'll be good. Yeah, there's only one person. Do you keep in contact?

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll have to hit him up. Is he a friend of the show? He's not. No, no, no. There's no comedians that live in Maribor. That would be good.

That would be good. So I'll get him along hopefully. But yeah, I don't have any old school mates that still live there. They all live in here. They're much more likely to come to a Melbourne Life podcast than go to that. But they might come back as an excuse. Go back, see the parents, go and get pissed with all these idiots.

They might come back. We're probably going to get – if anyone comes, it'll be kids, right? It'll be like teenagers who've like just finished school and haven't moved yet who have nothing else to do. So maybe that's who we should be canvassing. The only people that have heard of podcasts in Maryborough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 17-year-olds.

Yeah. It's a shame we can't go up and do any promo at any local radio stations or whatever it is because they ran a letter. Tommy and I about, what, six months ago or something, went up to Mirabar. I took Tommy because he'd never been there before. I took him up there and we went looking for Matthew Delvedova, NBA champion.

Yes. Because he was in town. We couldn't find him. I got messages from people on your podcast, listening to your podcast this time as well, when you did this. Apparently some shop attendant or some shit sounded like me or someone. Oh, yeah.

I don't know. What was that? But it just kept... I think that's the manager of the Violence Society, actually. Ah. Oh, right. Yeah, right. Oh, it was.

And people were like, is Ray Badred the president of the Violence Club? And I was like, what the fuck is any of this? I know, I don't listen to it either Which would you rather be? Nick Capper or the manager of the violence society? Oh, fucking definitely manager of the violence society Obviously

So Nick Capper or anyone else? Anyone else? A piece of trash heap It sounds so good, the violence society It sounds like we're doing an excursion into a clockwork orange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? So I took Tommy up there.

We went on a little road trip. We went around. We recorded. We were doing interviews with people on the street and whatever. Anyway, someone from there, some old bitty listened to it and then wrote a letter into the Maribor advertiser, the local newspaper, and complained about it. So he said, never come back and all this sort of stuff.

About what? What did you say in particular, though? We were just making jokes about people being on ice and whatever. I don't even remember what we were saying about it, but we were hanging shit on Meribah because, I mean, what else are you going to do about your hometown? There were gollywogs in the front window of the newsagent and apparently it's disrespectful to make fun of that.

That's a town mascot. We've got to try and find the person who wrote that letter. We've got to get them in. Oh, yeah. We've got to get them to the show. Well, you know what I'm doing? I'm currently writing because I'm thinking we want publicity. And to buy an ad in the Maribor advertiser is very expensive.

I used to work there. Oh, you could get a billboard on the way into town. How can we advertise it to get Maribor localsiser he's very I used to work there oh he could get a billboard on the way into town how can we how can we how can we advertise to get Maribor locals to come along because

so I'm at the moment I'm drafting a letter to write to the Maribor advertiser to try and get some sort of PR in there but I know that if you buy an ad it's worth like

fucking heaps I don't know why it costs so you'd think a country newspaper that's only 8,000 people in the town oh I can buy an ad

for 20 bucks it's hundreds and thousands of dollars really yeah it's heaps You'd think a country newspaper that's only 8,000 people in a town, oh, I can buy an ad for $20. It's hundreds and thousands of dollars. Really? Yeah, it's heaps. So we're not going to do that. Okay. But like how else is there?

I'm going to write a letter in there. I'm going to do a fake name letter in there and try and stir up some hatred. Ah, nice. Okay. All right. So you stir up some hatred. Yeah. So you want us to get punters that are protesting.

Yeah. That would be nice if we had a protest out the front of the gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it sounds like we've got. We'll be like the Milo of Maryborough. Yes. Exactly. It's at a secret location because it's a security risk otherwise. Because if you listen to this, it sounds sort of right wing at some point,

but we're very left wing. Yeah. But we just sound like cunts so people think, oh, they're probably fans of Trump. That's not bad. I hate this podcast. Do not go. Signed off, Kyle Candler.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Kyle Candler. Yeah, exactly. So I'm doing that. I want to stir up some hatred and at least if people want to come and protest and throw eggs, hey, you've got to pay admission to get in and throw an egg at us. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's a good tactic. Yeah. I would love to see someone with billboards or placards, you know, go home. Because I think they were calling us like… Go home, dumb cunts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because they were having a go at us like, you know,

oh, these city slickers come in and have a go and calling us yokels and it's like, yeah, yeah, yes. Yes, yes. What's the bad part of the latest? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got Netflix. It's still geo-blocked there. Do you want the latest stand-up? We've got Netflix. It's still geo-blocked there. Do you want to do stand-up?

Do you want to do a set up the top of the show? That feels like something you should do, stand-up back in your hometown at the very least. Yeah, but only if there's locals there because if it's just all people from Melbourne and stuff, they've already seen it all. I've been to your shows and I think it's very, very unfair for you to put those people through either of your stand-up shows.

It's very inappropriate. They've come to see entertainment and you give them that. And they hear that and then they're offended in their ears. In their ear. Hey, if you go all the way to Mirabar and then our stand-up happens in the middle of it, that's a fucking oasis. Yes. Are there any chances?

Do we know the movements of one M. Delvedova? No. Oh. It's Christmas. Yeah, I don't know how the NBA, do they have a big break over Christmas or not? Well, I mean, it's not Christmas. It's the middle of January. Well, it's two weeks after Christmas.

Yeah, isn't it? It's three by that point, I think. Yeah, yeah. So maybe not. But yeah, unfortunately, I'm the biggest celebrity there at that time of year, I think. The avalanches won't be there. Yeah, can we get the avalanches to come to work?

Do they know that you're doing this? Do they know that they're doing anything? I think they know I'm doing it because I've told them. They've never been on the show and I always try and get them on the show and they're always like very funny about it. They're like, no, we don't really. I think they're quite scary. We don't really want anyone to know that you know us.

Yeah. And I kind of, aside from like the thing of saying we did it, I've never really cared one way or the other because I didn't know them. Yeah. But I've now met them like a couple of, like I sat opposite both of them at your wedding. Yeah. And then they came to a show we did, the Mooney and Fiona show.

I want it to happen now. Yeah. I like it. They're funny people. They're funny guys. They're funny show. I want it to happen now. Yeah. I like it. They're funny people. They're funny guys. They're funny guys. I want them in. Yeah.

They send me – it's funny because they're very weird about the whole thing. I've been asking them for six years to be on this thing. This clang has been going for six years. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So anytime they send me anything via text, I'll be like, oh, that's really funny, and they'll go back and forth. And I'll be like, oh, this is really funny.

You should come on our show. End of correspondence for six months. Why do they think this is gonna, do they think this is like bad for their career or something? Yeah. They were getting stuck into Bon Iver on Twitter a few years ago. They didn't seem to have any qualms about doing that. How can this be any worse than taking on

Bon Iver? I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. I want to get to the bottom of it. They're scared. They're scared of what they think I'm going to just really go with them or something. And I'm like, I'm not going to go on. Maybe I need to send a message and go, just so you know, I'm on your side. So if he tries to pull anything, I know that you guys have all the dirt

on Chandler. It's going to be a safe space. They've got heaps of dirt on me. I've actually got stories, bad stories about me that I've never told because I think it'll be funny for them to tell me once they're on the podcast. Yeah. So people on Twitter or on Facebook, whatever it is, all right, this is the new campaign.

Hit up the ambulance. Be nice. Oh, this will be good. Be nice because they're good friends of mine. But ask them to be on here and things are going to be okay. It's going to be a safe space. They can tee off on me as much as they want and I won't tee off on them.

What's the shit I'm going to have against them? Remember when you won all those Arias, you dumb cunts? Find a way. Remember when you lost one of your Arias and I found out my arsehole after soccer? I tried to get someone to put an aria up their arse once. Oh, yeah. You did?

Yeah. Wow. They are fucking pointy. They're very pointy. They're a real weapon. I said, put it up there and tell me what it feels like. And they're like, you do it. I went, no, it's not my aria.

Yeah. Oh, that's lovely musical manners you have there. Man, that'd be great if we could get at least one of those guys up there. Yeah. Do you think they'd do it? Well, I can't get them to do one in Melbourne. So going to Maribor. Maybe that's the trick.

Maybe that's, you know. All right. Well, get on the socials. Try and ask my friends. Again, my friends, be nice. Clang. Well, yeah. Actually, to be honest, I think that's the dynamics of this show

is that people find it very easy to be nasty to us, but they're quite nice to our guests, I think that's the dynamics of this show is that people find it very easy to be nasty to us, but they're quite nice to our guests. I think that's the thing. Everyone's very respectful of the guests and not so respectful of us. Not the person that fucking said I looked like Kappa or whatever. Yeah, don't put in jokes in your tweet. Don't tell them they look like fucking people from the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They don't need to hear that. Don't use the hashtag GotTim. But you don, people from the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't need to hear that. Don't use the hashtag got Tim. But you don't even know where they are in the world now anyway. Like they might not be touring. It's not Carmen Sandiego. It's fucking. What do you mean? It's.

Carmen Sandiego. No, but they might not be here. They live in Melbourne. I saw them in fucking London not that long ago. They're a band. They tour. Yeah, that's what I said. And you're here now.

But how do you think? Not only are you trying to get them for this Maryborough show. My keys are here now. They were on my arse a week ago. You have fucked me again. It's a legitimate thing to say. I'm just expressing the point that they might not be interested in this Maryborough show, let alone in the fucking town.

Let alone in the area. It is Carmen Sandiego. Where is the fucking avalanche? Feels good to be off me. Oh, that's fucked. I mean, Tommy's yelling at me what I tried to say. They're a band. They're touring.

That's what I was fucking trying to say. Anyway. Oh, wow. Oh, fuck. Let's get on to... that's what I was fucking trying to say anyway oh well fuck let's get onto let's get onto got too nice and diplomatic

for a second then did it so you have been living in London yes no I just said it for the fucking avalanche

fucking thing I saw him at the Kentish town fucking arena or some shit about five months ago, four months ago.

I can't remember. Yeah, yeah. What did you think? Good show? It was great. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was pretty high, but yeah, it was good. Oh, actually, you know, on second thoughts, I don't think I did see the other.

You're not like Kappa at all. Well, I think that brings us to the end of the Dom-Dom Club. Hang on. Let's squeeze in one little You want to do a bit of You want to do Should we go into overtime Yeah Are you going to jam

Something else up your ass Let's do a little bit of badger Because he's been living in London We've got to get one little story Carl's gone to the shitter And he's found 20 more minutes Of the podcast On his ass

He literally pulled that story Out of his ass. I'll tell you what, the key smelled better than capper as well. You were very hesitant when we started it up and now you're right into it. I love capper. You've taken to it like a duck to water or like a capper to anything but deodorant. Like a duck sandwich to my stand-up routine. deodorant. Like a duck sandwich to my stand-up routine.

On the topic of listeners getting in touch, last time I did the podcast here about a year ago and I hadn't gone to London yet and I was about to go. Anyway, I get a message when I'm in London

from this guy who I've met a couple of times in stand-up was about to go. Anyway, I get a message when I'm in London from this guy who I've met a couple of times at stand-up and stuff like that and actually at that room I used to run in Sydney, at the Roxbury. We did a live show at the Roxbury once. I was in that show. And he was a regular person. He used to come to – anyway, he sent me a message saying,

hey, Ray, heard you on the Dumb Dumb podcast, heard you're over in London now. I'm living over here. Can you let me know when you've got any shows on or whatever? And I was like, yeah, I've got these gigs on this week. So he came down. I said hi. I met him and stuff like that.

Then a couple of weeks later, I'm out with my – I mean, this is a fucking other drug story, but I'm out with my partner and all her friends, a whole group of girls. You've prefaced this this morning. You said to us, I don't want to talk about too many drug stories because I'm always talking about drugs. It makes me sound like I'm on drugs all the time. It's like, stop doing drugs then.

Then you won't have any fucking drug stories. No. I'm just talking about them a lot here. I've got a degree in medical science. Oh, okay. You're testing. Yeah. You'd get a lot of drugs doing that.

We've got part of all our friends, and they're trying to get drugs. It's them. They're the bad influence. You're a good boy. And they're all trying to get it. You're basically a cop in comparison to them. They go through all these numbers. You've got your girlfriend in.

They go through all these numbers, all these contacts. They go through everyone, right? And they can't get any. And they're like, fuck, what do we – and I was like, maybe Daniel that messaged me. You're going to name him. That's an interesting call. You're going to name the Dumb Dumb Club listener who is also a drug pig.

It's a rare name, so he's fucking busted now. Anyway, so he's fucking busted now. Anyway. So Daniel and I are... Daniel and I are... Sorry, anyway. Fuck, you got me all confused. Anyway, so... Are you on drugs again? I'm like, I'll text Daniel.

I don't text him, I'll Facebook message him and I'll ask him if he can help us out. Important distinction to make. I know one person in London. So hit him up. Do you have drugs? Well, text sounds like I'm quite close. I wanted to get across to the story that this is a new friendship.

He had reached out to me through Facebook Messenger via your podcast. First message, I'm a big fan of your work. Second question back, do you have drugs? No, why would I say I'm a big fan of your work. Second question back, do you have drugs? No, why would I say I'm a big fan of his work? I don't know what he does. He said that to you. No, I'm asking Daniel. Get off the drugs, mate.

I'm asking Daniel for drugs. I'm asking Daniel for drugs. Daniel isn't asking me for drugs. So I'm like, hey, Daniel, I know it's a bit weird, man, but do you have a hookup in London? I'm in London right now. And he goes, he goes mate text this number someone will come in 30 minutes oh well this seems too good to be true text it someone comes in 30 minutes what the fuck that was great and then they turned up in like a black black mercedes and it was just too too easy like

anyway uh my partner all her friends uh get some i get some we're all having a great night and he messaged back a bit later saying hey mate how'd you go and I went fucking great mate absolutely excellent

mate what are you doing right now come out I'm by myself come out I'm with my partner and all the friends and so he's like alright yeah I'll come out

and it's like 10 o'clock on a Saturday night so he's decided to come out at this point and he comes out and I'm like mate we'll just text the number again. We text the number again. The guy comes. Anyway, it's

getting messy. The night's getting very messy and Daniel's like Should we do a shout out for the number? It sounds like 0-4-3-8 Mate, it's a London number So when you didn't want anyone to break into your car. So then, and so it's just my partner.

It's like eight girls. I'm just with eight girls and Daniel and I introduce them to Daniel. I'm like, oh, hey guys, this is Daniel, my friend. By the way, did you change the guy's name or is it actually Daniel? Well, I'll just leave that up to Daniel. Yeah. For Daniel's sake, I haven't changed it. I mean, I don't understand.

What's Daniel got to hold? I'm fucking saying my name. It's me, Ray. Say, just for the edit, say four other random names now, just in isolation, so I can edit them in every time you say Daniel. Danny L. Danny. I just in isolation so I can edit them in every time you say Daniel. Danielle? Danielle. So in the edit it's going to say, so then when he came around,

you know Danielle. Hey, man, it's 2017. So anyway, Daniel – wait, so yeah, I introduced Daniel to this whole group of girls and I'm like Hey guys This is my friend Daniel And they're like Oh Ray How do you know Daniel And Daniel goes

Oh we met I met him on Facebook And I'm like Don't fucking say that I met you on Facebook And he's like Nah it's a friend of mine Through comedy

And he's like Yeah I'm one of Ray's Biggest fans And I'm like Man don't say that And then This guy must be A fucking drug piggy

No Daniel He's out of it. He doesn't know what he's saying. Daniel's a good dude. He's hallucinating. He was put in an intimidating situation. He didn't really – they were the kind of correct answers,

but he didn't – and so the girls are just like, what the fuck? Ray's just met some random online. They don't really know. So I've got Daniel there. We've got all these drugs. We're drinking lots in this bar. We go to another bar. We all become great friends. We're drinking lots in this bar. We go to another bar. We all become great friends.

We're drinking, drinking more. We texted that number more and more. A third time. It's coming back. At about 2.30 in the morning or 3 in the morning at a bar in Bethnal Green, Daniel and I are in the toilets. Having the star of Bethnal Green, to be exact. There we go.

I believe it was. What's your pin number again? I don't understand what anyone's going to do with this information. What? Fucking try find Daniels in London? Go to the star of Bethnal Green shouting out Daniel? Have you met the listeners of this show? That will happen.

We'll put it on the map now. Mate, this is how I met Daniel, you know. This is how friendships happen. This is how life goes around. Anyway, so Daniel and I go to a bathroom and into the bathroom cubicle and we're having some of the drugs at that time and the security card comes past and bangs on the door and just starts banging really hard

and he goes, you two, get the fuck out of there. You better have a good explanation of what's going on. Get the fuck out of there now, really aggressively. And we both just start fucking panicking. Like, we're both Australians on a visa over there. Daniel's Australian. Oh, narrow it down. There's no Australians in London.

He's one of eight Daniels living in a fucking two-bedroom flat. So – and we're both like, fuck, we get in trouble with the police. We're fucked. Our visas are fucked. We'll have to go home. I mean, it's bad even without the visa situation. I know, I know, I know. It's not like you get put away for drug possession and go, well, at least this is happening in my own country.

I've been busted by the cops for drugs, but I live over the road, so I'm fine. It's actually quite nice. No, but you'd have to tell everyone. I'd have to tell everyone I'd come back in a month. They're like, why did you come back so soon? You have come back. No, but I'm going back. I'm going back to meet up with Daniel in a month. They're like, why did you come back so soon? You have come back. Yeah. No, but like, no, I'm going back.

I'm going back to meet up with Daniel in a couple of months. So worse than telling them what you really did come back because you're no good at comedy. So that was just a direct cheap shot with no truth or validity behind it and nothing. You didn't even try to disguise that. There was no cleverness to it. It's your shit.

I can't wait for you to be going through customs. The next time they go, what are these keys doing up here? I know you from a podcast. Let's pull over everyone called Daniel from Australia. Or just as they pass you through, they'll go, I'll see you at the Star of Bethnal. Anyway, we're freaking out. We're freaking out.

You're in the cubicle. In the cubicle. We're freaking out. And we're like, what do we fucking do? And I turned to Daniel. I'm like, man, we just got to tell him we're gay. All right? You and I, we're gay.

Imagine, Adam. Imagine. We've been gay for a while. It's the only... Hang on, has this been your excuse for the last 40 years, Adam? Have you been trying to get off drugs or something for 40 years? He's got his cubicles with random methane. Stop getting your dick out.

He's really committed to the story. Adam's committed so much to the story in case he ever gets into this situation. Wait, is Daniel the Frank Spencer impersonator? And so I'm like, all right, so we're gay, right? And he's like, yes. And I'm like, is there any other – have you got any other ideas? And he's like, no. And I'm like, all right, cool.

So we open the door and the guy at Boundary just grabs us by both of our shirts around the neck and just puts us up against the wall and he's like, oh, you two, what the fuck's going on? And I just remember, he's against the wall. And he's like, oh, you two, what the fuck's going on? And I just remember, he's like, nothing. And he's like, what do you mean, nothing? And I was like, just nothing. And he's like, no, what's going on in there? All right, come on, both of you, come outside now.

And you better have a good explanation about this. And he's taking us outside. And I look at Daniel. And Daniel's just nodding at me, as in to say the story. And I'm like, all right, I'll say the story. I'll say it. I'll say it. And we go outside. He sits us down. And'm like, all right, I'll say the story. I'll say it. I'll say it. And we go outside.

He sits us down. He goes, all right, what's going on? And I just look at him and I go, well, I'm gay. And he goes, what? I said, well, I'm actually gay. And he goes, so what, mate? And I went, well, I'm gay. And we were in there being gay.

And then it came out of my mouth. I'm like, oh, fuck. Not only, like a gay person would be like, yeah, well, hooking up in there. And I have come out for the first time ever, apparently. I'm like, so I need to tell you, security man, I'm gay. And he's like, so what? And I'm like, well, I was in there being gay. That's what I did.

I watched the Judy Garland movie on my phone. And I turned to Daniel. I'm like, Daniel, back me up here. And I turn and Daniel fucks off. He's just run off. So not only am I left there by myself, apparently now I've got to somehow embody that I've been broken up with. Yeah, yeah.

Pretty disgusting to hear that we've got such a homophobic listener. Yeah, yeah. Daniel, why would you do this to me? Your own boyfriend's embarrassed about you. I mean, we were just having such a fun time in the cubicle being gay. That is the terminology you use, isn't it? Yeah, I was being gay. What did you it? Yeah, I was being gay. What did you do last night?

I was being gay. I was being totally gay. I watched every episode of The Crown. Hang on, my wife's gay. On Fagflix. You know what? Because he's a listener of this show, I reckon he's gone, fuck, this is going to turn into a story.

And this bouncer is going to make us kiss to prove that we're gay. I'm out of here. This is the last thing. So I went to the bouncer, turned around to see where Daniel was. He's like, I'm going to have to kiss this guy, and he's going to smell bad since there's Nick Capper here. So the bouncer turned around, then I fuck off as well. I sprint off as well.

Bouncer chases me for a bit. I run around the block, escape. Anyway, I rendezvous with Daniel again. And I'm like, mate, that was fucking crazy. You've texted the number four more times in between me. One more time. And I'm like, let's just go back to mine, man. And so we just went back to mine, texted the number, went back to mine.

Oh, you've got that far in the relationship that he's staying over at your place now. You are actually turning gay. And he's just not coming back for now. You are actually turning gay. He's just not coming back for a couple of milo, if you know what I'm saying. Then my partner and her friend come back and I'm just sitting there with Daniel. They're just like, what the fuck is going on? I've got something to tell you. It was obviously a massive night.

Finished up at 6, 7 in the morning. All I remember, the last interaction I had with Daniel was a text from him the next day just saying, hey, man, can you transfer me that 300 pound you owe me? For the marriage license? I was like, oh, fucking hell. This fucking dumb, dumb podcast. Fuck me again. I was hoping you were going to say the last interaction I had with him

was coming all over his face at the end of the night. And then that's it. That's why he owed him 300 pounds. 300 pounds. You're in a relationship for 12 hours and he's borrowing money off you already. No, I borrow money off him. I owe Daniel the 300 pounds. Oh, my God.

You're fleeting. You really are capper. No, I fucking paid it back. Yeah, that is a capper. Yeah. Hey, I just met you. Yeah, can I borrow 50 bucks? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Well, shout out. So you haven't spoken to him since paying him back that money Oh a couple of texts here and there And stuff like that Just asking for the money And is the number still getting a good workout Well I've been back for a month or so

But yeah it hasn't Just a black cab across the ocean You're still getting deliveries Oh well We had actually better wrap it up here for another week of the little dum-dum club adam richard ray badger thank you so much for joining us thank you adam anything you'd like to plug that you have coming up well now that i know ray's gay right i'm gonna plug ray ah is he the white whale in the gay community i'm gonna plug

ray and then i'm to go looking for keys I can't pass. Please do not use that language Adam. We're going to go be gay. Ray, you have a web series on Comedy Central Australia featuring you and other friend of the show Guy Montgomery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy Central Australia, New Zealand

co-production with them, and it's a show where we put ads in Trade Me or Australian Criminal Gumtree to cast the show, and that's the premise of the show. It's showing us auditioning people that are applied to these ads. And people can find it at comedycentral.com.au? Yes. Great. Go check that out.

Yeah, and are you doing shows next year, festival shows? I'm going back to London, so get in touch with myself or Daniel. Put that number in the text of Black Car. Maryborough, January 13. All our shows, littledumbnumclub.com. Yeah, very quickly upcoming. Go to the Maryborough show, January 13. Some people are hanging around for beers afterwards,

so if you want to get accommodation up there, it's reasonably cheap, as you would definitely expect. But otherwise, yeah, check the website. I think we've just announced a bunch of shows. Probably. Including Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, and of course, Koh Samui. Plenty of people coming to Koh Samui,

so get your shit together. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Go and check that out. Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And here we are, as always, at the end of the episode. In the little dumb-dumb lounge after the show. Talking dumb-dumb.

Yeah, talking dumb-dumb. Where we wrap up what just happened. That's it. Talking dumb-dumb in the dumb-dumb lounge. Yep. Another wonderful we wrap up what just happened. That's it. Talking Dum Dum in the Dum Dum Lounge. Another wonderful yarn from you in this episode. What was it? I can't remember. Your keys.

Oh, my keys. Yeah, that's right. We tend to do these a week after we record the initial episode, so I don't even remember who the guests are. It's a bizarre schedule that we're on for some reason. I don't know why we do this. I think this yarn is going to be another instant classic. Okay.

I think. Hey, while we're another instant classic. Okay. I think. Hey, while we're talking words, how about these words? I put out my first ever little live comedy album. Oh, yes. Last week. So I haven't talked about it on the show. But if you go to our website, littledumbdumbclub.com, or even if you go to carlchandler.com.au,

you will find a link to buy my little album called Carl Chandler, Earth's Greatest Comedian. So I can find that on our socials? Yes. I can find that on littledumbdumbclub.com? Yes. It just got added. I can find that on carlchandler.com.au?

Yes. Okay. What about rotten.com? Will that take me to it? If you upload it, maybe. I'm just going to list websites that I know. Pornhub.com. Seek verification.com. Will that take me to it? If you upload it, maybe. I'm just going to list websites that I know. Pornhub.com. Seek verification.

You probably could get it on Pornhub. If you got like a video of two people fucking and then just put the audio of the album over the top, you could probably have it up on Pornhub. I think you can. Wow. You should. All right.

Guys, that's your task for this week. Oh, you're outsourcing it. Guys, that's your task for this week. Oh, you're outsourcing it. Yeah. That's your task. If you can get a porno uploaded to a porn site with my comedy over the top of it. Yes, great. And it can stay there for a week or something. Great.

That would be amazing. That would be very, very good. That would give me two reasons to jack off. It would be great if someone could do, if someone could like do a job so it's like not just the track playing over the top but like if you actually kind of sync it up so that when you kind of see people's heads, you know what I mean? Like try and match it with the – like try and lip sync it.

Maybe match the male orgasm to Duck Sandwich. Yes. There we go. There we go. There's the money shot. Yes. So, yeah, guys, go to the two websites. Go to carlchandler.com or.com.au, sorry, or littledumbdomclub.com

and you can find my album for $12, especially all of you out there maybe overseas that haven't seen any of our live stand-up before and anyone that hasn't been able to make it to a live show or just someone who wants sort of a bit of a best of for $12. It is not much. So you guys are pretty generous with all that sort of stuff usually. So plenty of sales for it already. But, you know, it was a really good recording.

So I'm pretty happy for you guys, as many people to hear it as possible. You played me the end of it and it's very funny. It has got a very funny little ending, I think. Yeah, definitely check that out. We need to say thank you to everyone who subscribes to the show on Patreon, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. We thank people on the show. We send out little bonus episodes.

If you like getting the show for free every week on your regular feed, then, yeah, this is a way that you can show your support and chip in. It is greatly appreciated by all of us in here at headquarters, from the CEO right down to the CTO, right down to the people in finance. Right down to the little Dum Dum Club mail room. Yeah. I walked past the HR department on the way in here to the studio.

Oh, fuck. And they all killed themselves. Do you reckon, this is a serious question. I was talking to someone about this the other day. I can't remember whether – it may well have been on this show. Do you reckon like this time of year like Christmas time would just be the worst time to work in an HR department? Like you'd have to think most businesses the day after the Christmas party,

the HR department is just being run off its feet. I think that's a bit of like wartime crimes. Right. It's like, you're in a war. What think that's a bit of like, you know, wartime crimes. Right. You're in a war. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? People have died, but you know, it's a war. You know, it is a Christmas party.

Yeah. It's one of those things. Yeah. Those things are going to happen. We were genuinely going to have a dum-dum Christmas party at one point. Yeah. But it was too hard to organise. But I think we'll still do it in the new year or something like that.

Yeah, we need to do something because we've got a little bit of beer from a previous sponsorship that we need to not get rid of, but we need to enjoy with people. Yeah, they gave us half cash and then half stock. And so now there's just a bunch of slabs sitting in my house that we do not know what to do with. Yeah. It's a good problem to have. What a weird problem to have.

Yeah. But hey, yeah, so if you support us On patreon.com Slash Little Dumb Dumb Club Much appreciated Little side order of Maybe even like

Dollar Shave Club Like we said earlier in the show Now that I know The finance is available to us Please This has really rocked your world It really has Shocked me

Yeah I'm like I'm enjoying this a lot Like the money they're giving us Is a lot different to some Of the other fucking Ads that we've been putting on.

It's real big boy leagues now. What are we bothering with this other shit for? Yeah. God. Yeah. When we've got the great people at Dollar Shave Club. But like you said, like you brought up, Tommy, there's a lot of advantages to signing up to patreon.com slash littleonlineclub.

Like all the aforementioned bonus materials that we send out and that people enjoy and really only give us feedback if somehow it's gone to their spam folder and they haven't found where it is yet. So then they hit us up. People not being able to spell their own names correctly. Somehow that's our fault. Yes. Oh, I should quickly say after last week, I think it was,

where I said that we never get feedback from the bonus stuff, a few people started emailing in feedback. And thank you to those people. Very nice to hear people enjoy it. Thanks, guys. Now we get to the time of the show where we thank people individually. Part of the patron experience with us. That's what it's meant to be.

Yeah. Is we thank people individually, which is lovely of us. That's what it's meant to be. Yeah. Is we thank people individually, which is lovely of us. I've got a new little list where I've got a list of all the names I have thanked. There's several here that I've thanked several times apparently. So I think I've got a hand on this now. I think I'm going to do it properly from now on. I can't see how that could possibly be true, but we'll look forward to finding out. Try and prove me wrong.

So let's just jump into it without thinking about anything at all. Straight into the names without thinking about anything else but the names. How many names have you got written down? But how many are you thinking of doing? Let's go straight into the names. It'd just be nice to know how many we're thinking of doing just so I go straight into the names. It'd just be nice. Straight into the names. But it'd just be nice to know how many we're thinking of doing. Just without thinking about anything else. So I can plan out the rest of my afternoon.

But nouns. I just would like to know how long I'm going to be here. I'll just start reading out these names. How many? Here we go. So, thank you to. Okay. Sorry, this is number one.

This is going to be number one. Thank. This doesn't need to be a number. Just, it's a name. Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Russell, brackets, Gus McNall. Okay. Yeah.

Now, that's not what Gus is short for. No. I'm sorry to sound like a real truther. Yeah. But Gus is short for Angus. Yeah. Not Russell. Yeah.

You can't go – like I couldn't go Tommy brackets Bill. Yeah. Not how it works. But like Russell brackets Gus, it's like, no, it's Russ, not Gus. Yeah. That's what it's short for. So do you think this guy, do you think this is one of the aforementioned people who can't spell their own name properly?

I think it's someone that's trying to give himself a new nickname. Right. And why is it, why would you put a nickname in brackets? Why would you put it in this thing? Because typically the nickname belongs in quotation marks. Yeah. Yes. So why are you trying to keep this name silent?

And the other thing is, when you sign up to Patreon, it's not a fucking passport. Yeah. Just call yourself Gus. Yeah. Just put in Gus McNall. But it's also, yeah, put that in. We don't care about your nickname.

Yeah. Put in, I don't know. Is it worth mentioning at this point that we both were at a Christmas party last night and we're extremely hungover today? I'm not that hungover. I'm okay. I'm not feeling very good. All right. It's pretty hot in your house and it's just all hit me at once.

I'm a bit hot. Get that AC on. Yeah, I'm getting the AC on. Listeners loved this last time. All right. There it is. All right. Here we go.

There it is. I've got my poor- Some of 1972's finest just blasting at us right now. I believe it's the air conditioner from Tron. I've got my poor little cat locked away in my bedroom because you're allergic to my cat. Yeah. Okay. Sorry.

Yeah. Well, it's a beautiful cat. She's a beautiful cat and you're allergic to one of the most beautiful objects in the world. It's like you can't go near the Mona Lisa because you break out in hives or something. Okay. It's very comparable. Very weird analogy, but sure. Yes. Poor's very comparable. Very weird analogy but sure.

Yes. Poor little Crunchy is locked away in my bedroom and she's scratching at the door as we're sitting here. Makes me happy. No, it makes me – Gotta say it's making me very happy. I feel like I'm giving Crunchy a poor little complex. I feel like I – It's the equivalent of leaving the kid in the car as you go shopping.

It's not good. Oh, by the way, I was at my cousin's house the other day and she has a dog and a cat and I took a photo of them both sitting together and put them on my Instagram story and a fan of this show messaged me to say, I love your dogs. Now, first of all, first time they've ever been seen on my Instagram. So pretty fair to assume that they're not mine.

Like he said it in a way of like, oh, yep, here they are again, the famous dogs that we know and love. And, I mean, it just was the perfect message to receive from a list. I mean, it says it all of the intelligence of the sort of person who listens to the show, that they're incapable of distinguishing a dog from a cat. Well, you can tell my cat from a dog. That's for sure.

Anyway, thanks, Gus. Yeah, thanks, Gussie. Yeah, I definitely can because my eyes start watering and I find it hard to breathe. Yeah, because you're in love. That's love. You're lovesick. You want to fuck my cat.

That's what it is. Mm-hmm. All right. There's Gus. Sorry to call you Gus Because you clearly put in brackets As in you're not meant to pronounce it there But anyway Sorry Gussie

Thank you to Very interesting name coming up Thank you to Patreon subscriber Linus Firth I like the name Linus Linus I'm into it I didn't know it existed outside of peanuts

Yeah Charlie Brown. Yeah, Snoopy. What do we do? We're just naming things from peanuts. Peppermint Patty. Pigpen. The adults, they go.

Woodstock. Yeah. How is it? That means that your parents have named you after the Peanuts character, surely. Surely, Linus as a name must have existed before Peanuts. You think they're just getting in there and inventing a name for this cartoon? Yeah. Well, I think that it's never been used outside of that,

and this is the first person ever to exist outside of Peanuts. That's a bold claim. Well, they've definitely named it after the kid in Peanuts. How do you know that, Fisher? This person could be older than Peanuts. We do not have an 80-year-old Patreon subscriber. We might. the kid in Peanuts. How do you know that, Fisher? This person could be older than Peanuts. We do not have an 80-year-old Patreon subscriber. We might.

Look, I'm very happy to be proved wrong. Linus, let us know the life details of yourself. Yeah. I'm tipping you are late 20s. Okay. This would be fascinating. I've never heard of anyone being that big of a Peanuts fan, that they're naming their kid after a character. Not even Charlie or anything.

No. Just going straight for this just obscure kid. Linus is the piano one, isn't he? Oh, no, he's the security blanket. Yes, he sucks his thumb. Yeah. Who's the piano one? Schroder.

Schroder, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So unless your sister's name is Peppermint Patty, yeah, that would be good. But confirm for us, and surely, since you're clearly 28 years old, like I've predicted, surely you know the story of your name, so you don't need to check with your parents. Let us know, are you named after a Peanuts character and why? Yeah, and also, is Peppermint Patty really a lesbian? Yes.

Confirm those two things for us. What's Peppermint Patty really a lesbian? Yes. Confirm those two things for us. What's Peppermint Patty's friend's name? The glasses. Yeah, I can't remember. Yeah. But they're – Yeah, they're – This is it.

Yeah. This is the bit that we'll hear about on the social media. Please. Thanks, Linus. Thanks, Linus. Thanks for taking the thumb out of your – Do you know how much money he puts in? No.

Good grief. Very good. Very good multi-purpose answer for whatever I was going to say. Yeah. It actually couldn't have worked out better. Yep. Thanks, Linus. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

Pretty plain name here, but thanks for the dollars. Thanks to Mick Smith Yeah what do you do with this? This is just a dog's breakfast isn't it? It's the opposite of a dog's breakfast It's like too nice of a breakfast To have anything interesting to talk about Yeah

If it was a dog's breakfast Fuck yeah Let's talk about a nightmare You're right It's a Yeah This is Mick Smith Might as well be on one of those

American Express ads On the credit card Who lives in fucking One Citizen Street or whatever. Yes, yes. Mick Smith. This is like one step above being called John Doe. Yeah. Mick Smith would be on the Irish American Express card ad. Right, yeah, yeah.

Instead of John Smith. It's like Mick Smith. Yeah. Sorry, Mick. But, you know, I feel like if you're – do you feel like if you had the last name Smith, that's the most common surname, isn't it? English speaking. English speaking, yeah.

As a parent, you'd feel like the onus is on you to kind of really wild out with the first name. Yeah. And also, you know, does that change your entire life knowing that you are just the most generic named person of all time? Yeah. If you were a Smith, how much, if you, imagine calling your sons John. Yeah, because we all want to believe that we're beautiful, unique snowflakes. And I think as you go on through life, you kind of gradually come to learn that that's just not the case.

But with a name like that, you'd become aware very, very early in life, I think, that you're just like, none of us are different. Well, Smith, you're just getting lost in an absolute ocean. It's like, imagine being Smith. You know the thing where if you say your last name, which is not Dassolo. I mean, you've never seen anyone with the name Dassolo, have you? Because recent listeners to this show, just so you know, Tommy Dassler, his last name is not Dassler.

He made that up as a stage name. We never worked out why. There isn't a good reason why. Tommy never worked out why either. Tommy's name is Tommy Allsop. So when you meet someone or hear of someone called Allsop, you go, oh, that might be related to me. Yeah, but the thing with Allsop is that there's like a lot

of different spellings of it. So often you hear about it but it's like, oh, okay, that's interesting. That's a different – they're a different – the two Ls, they're a different breed. But you never get that with Smith. You have to count yourself out of that. If you see someone with the name Smith, you go, yeah, no shit, fucking everyone's called Smith.

But how often – it must happen pretty often where if you're single, you pick up someone with the last name Smith. And it's ridiculous to assume that you'd be related. But you'd think that the worry would creep in in the back of your head. What if this is my sister? Yeah. Having said all of that, I don't think I know anyone with the last name Smith.

I can't think of anyone. I know. I went to school with a couple. Okay. Yeah, I don't know anyone. No one. I went to school with a couple. Okay. Yeah, I don't know anyone. No one. So maybe it's not. Maybe I take it all back.

Okay. Maybe it's the least common name because I literally don't know anyone called that. Well. I know someone called. Well, you know this guy now. Oh, yeah. I know this. Yeah, he's my friend.

This counts. This is your first Smith. So this is your first ever Smithing. Smithing. Smithing. Thanks, Mick. Well, thanks, Mick. Thanks, Mick. Thanks and sorry, Mick.

Yeah. All right. Let's go for the next one. I'm just double checking on the random name generator. This is. It's still working. This is the fourth one, by the way, just in case you've lost count. This is just another one.

Mm-hmm. just another one. Just another one. Thank you to and return. Yes, bang. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Hit return on the random name generator. Oh, I've just never heard you vocalize that you're doing it before. It's weird to just all of a sudden start. We've both had firsts today, haven't we?

My first Smith and your first vocal return. Whatever happened then. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Tim Haywood. Tim Haywood. Yeah. I like Haywood. Very close to being a very, very, very Dumb Dumb Club name. The perfect maybe Dumb Dumb Club name, Tim Haymates.

Yes. Yes, pretty close. Yeah. Haywood. Tim Haymates. Haywood. Yeah, close. Yeah. Haywood. Tim Haymates. Haywood. Yeah, it's good. It's a strong surname.

See, this is the opposite of what I was saying before. Like when you've got a strong surname like that, I feel like you can take it a bit easy on the first name. Totally. You know, it's complimented better by a pretty generic Christian name. Totally, totally. Sorry, is Tim boring you? The wood, yeah, the wood is boring me.

Hey, wood, what do you reckon you copped at school? Woody. I'm trying to think of like what he's getting bullied by at school though. I love that the way your brain works is like, well, everyone gets bullied. It's got to be something. Yeah. Tim, hey, would you suck my dick? There we go.

What do you think? There we go. Do you think if you'd gone to school with this man or woman, do you think that you as a young boy, do you reckon you would have had the facilities to come up with that at the age of like 15 or whatever? There'd be something. You'd be putting in some time on it.

Definitely. You'd be in the lab. You'd be trying to crack the code. Working away. Yeah. You'd be there with a little combination up to your ear trying to hear the... Pictures of him with string kind of running off it.

All that stuff. Yeah. What do you call the Tom Cruise movie where he's got his hand out there? Top Gun. No. Ghost Protocol. No.

The one in the future where he's got his hands out there like moving a computer screen. Top Gun 2. No. What's that movie? I know it. I'm just deliberately doing this. I didn't for a little bit, but now I do.

Minority Report. Minority report Minority report Exactly You'd be doing that Trying to Worth it Yeah So again Hey would you suck my dick

Eureka Yeah What have you got Tim Again Let us know What did you cop at school Did you get anything like that Thanks Tim

But in the meantime Tim Hey would you Keep giving like that? Thanks, Tim. But in the meantime, Tim, hey, would you keep giving us that sweet, sweet buzz? Nice, nice. Okay, so thanks, Tim. Thanks. I'm glad we've got Tim. Me too.

Alright, well, time to wrap up the old... Time to turn off the old random name generator, I'd say, for the week. Is it starting to overheat? No, no, no. Just like everything comes to an end at some point. Wow, very profound of you.

Yeah. It's the closest I've ever heard you come to being in any way spiritual or anything like that. Everything comes to an end at some point. All right, Gandhi. Yep. That's me. I'm, you know, I'm really, you know, it's Christmas time when we're recording this.

It's true. It is. This is actually our Christmas episode, I guess. This goes, well, kind of, yeah. Yeah. It's the last one that goes out before Christmas. So it is Christmas. Like, I know this is done, but what day is it?

Monday this year. It's Monday. Okay. Yep. So, yeah. Merry Christmas, guys. Yeah. Maybe it's time to sort of say

Drive safe on the roads You know Have some Spend some quality time With your loved ones Have a Have a relax I dare say

There's probably A fair few people Potentially listening to this On Christmas morning In the car On the way to Their family's house Or the way from

Their family's house Yeah nice So if you're choosing To make us A part of your Christmas day celebrations, then thank you for that. And, yeah, also –

Maybe some people got this episode as a present under the tree. Not bad. Unwrapped this episode. Not bad. We did a Christmas episode. You can't return that. We did a Christmas episode last year. Yep.

Not the live one, as in we did like a bonus one that we put onto the feed on Christmas Day and didn't really tell anyone about it. Yep. And lesson learnt, if you don't promote stuff, no one downloads it because no one listened to it. No, you'll be getting a big old podcast lump of cold this year, guys. So you don't deserve anything further. And also, hey, you know what?

Probably plenty of listeners who do not celebrate the holiday of Christmas. So whatever you're doing, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, whatever you're doing. Easter. Happy holidays to you. Greek Easter. My birthday. Arbor Day. Yeah.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Yep. Saturday. Mm-hmm. Yep. Guy Fawkes Day. Yep. Christmas Day

Have we done that one? I think so yeah Right okay Well what are you doing out there? Have a good one Have a lovely time from us We're going to try and do our best to have a nice relaxing time But hey the content keeps coming

Yeah I don't think we get enough credit for not taking any time off with this Well I think the credit we get is that people keep listening. Yeah, fair. Yeah, yeah. I think if you stop doing these episodes, people stop listening. And so that's why we keep doing them. Yes, we're scared.

Yeah, we are very. We're running scared. We feel like we have absolutely no leverage in this relationship. Yes, yep, yep. We're being held hostage for content. By our own lack of success outside of this podcast. Yes, yes. We're just like these two rats in those fucking wheels,

just running and running. If we stop, we die. So is that it? No, we've got to do the last night. Well, how do you know? You don't have access to the random name generator. I thought you were just about to read one out. I just said thank you and, you know,

happy holiday to everyone, that's all. Oh, well, you were just about to say one before and then we got distracted by the spirit of Christmas. Well, you know, have a happy holiday to everyone. That's all. Oh, well, you were just about to say one before and then we got distracted by the spirit of Christmas. Well, you know what? I'd officially turned it off. I thought that's it for the episode. You know what? All right, I'll do one more as a Christmas present

to everyone out there, to the listeners. That's very generous of you. A bonus little... I wouldn't have normally done something like this. Wow. But it is the season. Mm-hmm. And it's better to give than to receive.

This is like the end of a Christmas carol where you got visited by the ghosts of content, past, present and future. You weren't going to read out a fifth name and then you were like, I see the error of my ways now. You know what? I got visited by a ghost who showed me what the future could have been if I hadn't have read out this last name and it was not pretty. You there, boy.

What day is it today? Fuck up, cunt. Tiny got him. Tiny Tim Haywood visited me. Tiny got Tim. Oh, my God. Has that been said before? I don't know.

That's very good. Didn't we do like a pantomime one year? Yeah but I reckon that was pre-Got Him Oh okay Alright Before our lives got ruined by that fucking thing That people are yelling at us online Constantly now

And now that we haven't talked about it for a while The news is don't know what it is Tiny Got Him Yeah Tiny Got Oh Can I have some more? Oh no that's all of them.

All right, we'll do one more. Unwrap your presents now, guys. Here it is. One more hit of the random name generator. Hitting return right now. I can see that finger hovering over the return key. That's it. The only button on the machine.

You know what? I don't know why it says return on it. I really hope I get a new machine for Christmas. Oh, really? Yeah, well, I mean. Do you think you've been good enough to deserve that? Probably not. But, you know, this is the old school version.

So all sorts of new fancy futuristic names would come on the new edition. That new one's got facial recognition. Right. That's what you want. So I can't accidentally, you know, you can lock me out of it. I can't just go and get names spat out willy-nilly. Yep. All right.

Well, maybe. Maybe here's the last one on the old machine. Here we go. Let's hope it goes out with a bang. All right. It's taken us a while to get to, so you'd certainly hope it's a good one. Yep. I really hope so too.

Here we go. Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Yes. We haven't had one like this before, but okay. Wow. This is thrilling. I can guarantee we've never had one quite like this before.

Quite like this? Yeah. Or quite like this before Quite like this? Yeah Or exactly like this? Either Either? Okay, wow Thank you Wow, I can't wait to find out what it is

I'm on the edge of my seat I wish you'd shut up so I could get to it I'm trying to get to it as quick as I can Wow, you didn't seem in much of a rush I thought I'd just enjoy hanging out Alright, well, I mean, you know, it's Christmas I don't want to get you too frantic or whatever We should all just relax Thank you to Patreon subscriber hanging out. All right. Well, I mean, you know, it's Christmas. I don't want to, you know, get you too frantic or whatever.

Like, we should all just relax. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Super Comedy. Our first ever superhero subscriber. Is it definitely? Yeah. Wow. Okay. Yeah.

So, wow. Okay. That's fascinating. Isn't it? Is there any more information? Well, all I can find here is sometimes when you put the name up, sometimes people put a fake name but then it gives a link to their email address. Well, I can tell you the name up top is super comedy

but it's coming from someone called Clark Comedy. At? At Gmail. Not at the Daily Comedy Planet. The Daily Comedy, sorry. I was looking at someone else. Oh, wow. Hang on a minute.

Can you see that outside your window? What's that up in the sky? Is that a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's $69 per month. No, it's shithouse content. Wow, that's pretty special. That's really special.

That's exciting. Yeah. I haven't really thought about superheroes having money, let alone them donating it to a podcast before. So that's pretty cool. Yeah. I haven't really thought about superheroes having money, let alone them donating it to a podcast before. So that's pretty cool. Yeah. You sort of wonder where they – well, since it's coming from the daily comedy, is that a brothel or is that –

There is a brothel, but it's like a play on the name of the newspaper that this guy works for. Right, right, right. I wonder if there will be any other of the comedy league chipping in. Who knows? I mean, I might make a note of it and look for it later, but yeah. Right. Oh, yeah, it's worth, I mean, now that we know this,

like it's worth, you know, for example, Bat Comedy. Don't spoil anything just in case we find out that there is something like that. Wonder Comedy. Don't spoil anything. Aquacomedy. Just in case we find out that there is something like that. Wondercomedy. Don't do this. I'm more fascinated by there being a newspaper called The Daily Comedy. The Daily Comedy. That's kind of what our newsletter is a little bit. We should just rename it.

We should call it The Daily Comedy. Yeah, okay. It only comes out once a month, but still. Yeah, but that's like Women's Day. Women's Day is like, what, once a week? Yeah, Women's Weekly is once a month. Yeah, there you go. Okay. Okay, that's like Woman's Day Woman's Day is like Oh yeah What, once a week? Yeah, Woman's Weekly is once a month Yeah, there you go Okay

Okay, that's it Official As of the next one we're doing The Daily Comedy Yeah What if Super Comedy's One weakness is

I've been trying to put that one together In my head For the last few minutes Our content AKA crap tonight Oh This stuff basically writes itself. Well, we'd like to blame

someone else on this. Yeah, exactly. It's its fault, not our fault. Can you call it, is it still divine intervention if it's just like no good? If the result is no good,

is it still fair to say divine intervention? Yeah, because there's miracles and you always go, you know, you say, wow, that's amazing. That's come from above. Something really shit happens. You don't generally blame that on above. I mean, it's still amazing that it happened even if it is no good. Yeah.

Well, guys, look, happy holidays. Thanks for chipping in on Patreon. Thanks for listening and supporting the show in that way, if that's what you do. Have a safe Chrissy break or whatever you're doing. How about this? A tiny, tiny, tiny quick ad because thinking of people over the break, they're always looking for something to do.

How about you go back through some back old episodes that we've got on the website. Otherwise, we haven't mentioned this for a while, but we've got the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival video for sale. Documentary. Documentary. And it's come out wonderfully. Jackson that filmed it has done a sterling job. It looks awesome.

It looks visually so great. I was watching it again the other day and it was making me laugh. Awesome. It looks visually so great. I was watching it again the other day and it was making me laugh. It is hopefully available on our website by the time you get this. So you can, I think it's like $10 and you can get, and it's quite a long video. It's like nearly an hour video.

So if you're looking for something to do over the summer, chuck a few shekels at us and you can get that an hour's worth of sweet content, sweet visual content, which you usually don't get from us. So get onto that. That'll be heaps of fun. Yeah. And hopefully someone that loves you has left a ticket to Koh Samui under your tree. Yeah, yeah.

Let us know if a loved one got you a ticket to one of our things for Christmas. Let us know if you've got any Dum Dum related presents for Christmas. All right, guys. LittleDumDumClub.com for all that stuff. Thank you for listening and we will see you here next week. I hope you enjoyed this week's edition of Talking Dum Dum. Yeah. And we'll see you next time.

All right. See you, mates. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit PlanetBCcasting.com For more podcasts from our great mates I mean If you want It's up to you