The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 380 - Live in Maryborough! Dave O'Neil, Dilruk Jayasinha, Harley Breen & Nick Capper

Episode Date: January 16, 2018

That's right, we finally did a live episode in Karl's hometown of Maryborough and MORE impressively: we made it back alive! DILRUK JAYASINHA blends in with the locals, DAVE O'NEIL relives the last time he did a gig in Maryborough and HARLEY BREEN tries to get himself off The List! We also pitch a brand new podcast plus NICK CAPPER joins us for a new instalment of My Friends Dad Wrote A Porno!Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:BRISBANE: We're coming back for an afternoon of huge live podcasts! MARCH 10.ADELAIDE: God help us, we're coming back. Don't make us regret it. MARCH 17MELBOURNE: We've got a month of awesome live shows happening for the month of APRIL. KOH SAMUI: The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival is happening again in 2018 with guests The Dollop! JUNE 13 - 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbecasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode live from Maryborough with special guests Dave O'Neill, Dilruk Jaya Singer, Harley Breen and Nick Capper. It's quite an episode. It's a long one. It's a mammoth edition. Yeah, so strap in I hope your

I hope your commute is to a different country so you can fit it all in but before that we need to let you know about some things that we have coming up of course the next

live show we are doing is Brisbane on March the 10th that is going to be a huge double episode back to back huge guests in town in Brisbane

when we do that show. It's going to be heaps of fun. As always. Already selling very well. Brisbane gets it. Yep. And then the next one we hypothetically do is in a state to the left of Victoria. It's beneath the Northern Territory.

It's to the right of Western Australia. A bit above Tasmania? Yeah, I can say that. I can admit that. I can admit that. I'm not too big to admit that. How far away from Bangladesh is it? It'd have to be a good nine to ten hours. Nine hours.

I'll say nine hours. Okay, right. I think we've narrowed down where we're talking about, especially with that last clue. It's, yeah, I think that's all we, I'm not even giving it enough dignity to name it. Yep, you know who you are. Well, okay, if the numbers weren't what you wanted before, refusing to properly plug it

should help. Yep. March 17 in the city that shall not be named. Yep. It's going to be fun. The Macbeth of Australian capital cities. Look, it's going to be fun whether or not people come. Whether or not I come.

Yeah. Something will happen and it'll be entertaining. Yeah. It's up to you. Make the most of it, you know. You know, it's like you know who you are, the city that we're talking about. It's like you're on the Green Mile and you know what? Order your favourite last dish, you know.

Really, really enjoy it. Really enjoy it. So that's going to be heaps of fun. Then we have a month of shows in April in Melbourne. That is every Sunday of April? Yeah. Well, not quite. Not the last one.

First, 8th, 15th, 22nd, I think. And then, of course, we do four absolutely star-studded ones at 3 o'clock on the Sundays at the European Beer Cafe. And then we have the drunk cast on the last night of it. Go to our website to find out the finer details of whether you want to get like a season pass. It is cheaper to go to every show and then sort of qualifies you to first dibs on the drunk cast. So if you go to our website, you'll find out all the details of how that all works. But plenty of sales coming in already for that.

Yeah, absolutely. And we both have our solo shows on sale. Mine is called Leisure Suit Tommy. It is on from March 28 until April 11, I believe. Tickets are on sale right now. Yeah, I am on sale at Carl Chandler's Shit List where I mix it up and I'm quite angry about some things. So, yeah, I'm trying to – it's a new character I'm working on.

And I think mine basically starts as things. So, yeah, I'm trying to – it's a new character I'm working on. Yeah. And I think mine basically starts as yours ends maybe, Tommy. Yeah. Something like that. You can just have my show. Yeah, okay. You can just come and see it. Any of the bits you like, you can just take them.

Okay, great, great. When you're done with them, I can just pick the eyes out of it. Yeah, exactly. Sweet, sweet. Leisure suit Carly. So that's at the European BKV. And I believe, well, I believe I did this. After the live podcast in Melbourne, my show is on immediately after.

So if you want to hang around after the Melbourne live podcast, you can come and see my show straight after and make a real afternoon of it. Yeah. And then, of course, the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, June 13 to 18, if you want to come overseas and watch us do live podcasts with the dollop, four days of fun with special guests, it's all happening. LittleDumbDumbClub.com slash Koh Samui is where you can find out

how to book tickets and book a comm and do all the right thing with that. June 13 to June 18. You know, look, I've got some news. I've got some news on it, but I'll tell that next week. Oh, wow. Next episode. Hype. Yeah, yeah, a bit got some news. I've got some news on it, but I'll tell that next week. Oh, wow. Next episode. Hype. Yeah, yeah, a bit of movement at the station there.

So it's looking very exciting. There's more and more developments all the time, and it is looking like, you know what? If I was me, I would go there. So littledumbdumbclub.com for all that information, tickets and links, anything you want to come see, you can check it out there. Meanwhile, enjoy this bumper mammoth episode

live from Maryborough. We actually did it, the absolute madmen. Great guests on this one, a great time. And we'll see you after the episode for another episode of Talking Dumb Dumb. Yeah. Hey, mate! Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club,

live from Maryborough. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo, and standing next to me, the absolute hometown hero himself, Carl Chandler. G'day, fellow dickheads. Local boy made slightly less shit. Here he is. Guys, I'm back after 20 years

and this time I have a podcast. Who's out of the family now, Dad? I'm back. It's taken me 20 years to do a fake community radio show and I'm back to show off. Oh, man, hands up if you spotted Carl's car out the front of the gig. For people that don't know, Tommy bought me a number plate about 18 months ago

and today I chose to put it on. Yeah, you're 41 now. For your 30th birthday I got you some goddamn licence plates. Finally, out the front of my house we had to borrow my housemate's screwdriver set and we went, you know what's going to make this two-hour drive even better? The chance of getting a brick thrown through the window because we look like absolute cunts driving down the highway. So the number plate says Got Tim.

And not only that, it's all strung together. So we used a Posca and we put a little dot in the middle just to really sell it. Mate, it's Mirabai. What's Posca? It's fucking text to you, idiot. Oh, no. Oh, I'm getting bashed live on stage.

Fuck. La-di-da. Old fucking Malvern man over here with his fucking Posca. Oh, he knows the name of the brand. Look at me talking into this shure. Very nice. That's good. It's very interesting bringing you to Maribor

because I feel like I'm bringing my girlfriend finally back to meet the parents or something. Yeah, it is a little bit like that. Yeah, it's exciting to be here. We did this. Is anyone, so like most people drove up, yeah? Who drove up? Yeah?

Yeah, cool. Who's staying? Oh, yeah, and by the way, thank you for all the people that drove up and are staying and sold out all the hotels so I can't fucking sleep anywhere tonight. Tried to book somewhere, you can't get anywhere. We saw your mum earlier and she was insisting. She's like, call me later on, let me know and I'll come and pick you up

and you can come and stay back here. Isn't that sweet? Mum doesn't know what I'm really like, so... It's not going to be a pleasant ride home. So there was a lot of activity on the Facebook page of listeners trying to like, you know, saying, oh, I've got spare seats in my car and stuff like that, people looking for lifts.

Who came down here with people they've never met before? Are there any like... A lot of people. Wow. Oh, yeah, you guys. So these guys drove from Sydney. It was like a 10-hour drive. There's like a group of you here.

Who's from further than Sydney? Anyone else? Perth? Did you... You didn't drive, though. Flew to Melbourne, then drove down here. What the fuck's wrong with you? Like, I know there's not heaps to do in Perth, but come on.

What about genuine people from Maribor? Fuck. I don't know how many people heard that, but as you said that, there was just the sound of a glass breaking out in the other room. That's actually Maribor's national anthem. It's very poetic. Why did we do this in Maribor if no one here is from Maribor? We could have done this somewhere nice.

A real boom to the tourism community. Oh, now we know where the Maribor people A real boom to the tourism community. Oh, see, now we know where the Maribor people are. They've just added themselves. It was interesting today, we were looking in the Facebook group, the number of people that in the last four hours were like, yeah, fuck it, I'll take a lift from a stranger up to this gig that's a four-hour round trip away. It's like, it's Saturday night, it's the middle of summer,

like, I'm sorry, if you're one of those of those people we appreciate the money but you are a fucking loser like it's Oscar season there's great movies out like for fuck's sake why come to this like the 2020s on tonight like let's go out and watch that that'd be good the drinks are cheaper here I only, and you only spend $100 to drive here, though. Cool. Save $200. What? I think we found our first local. Did anyone who ate here in the bistro?

Yeah? Who was tempted by a certain item on the specials board? Called a duck sandwich. The guys here are looking after it. Malcolm at the Maribor Violence Society is looking after us. He's put the duck sandwich on the menu. He's put the Nick Carr spaghetti, Thai spaghetti on the menu. By the way, I just went to Thailand this week.

I just got back like yesterday. And now I'm in Maribor from one third world country to another. You're going, I was in Thailand this week. That's basically your catchphrase at this point. I feel like I hear that on every second episode. So did anyone have the duck sandwich? Yeah, how was it? Pardon?

It was good. You said yes and then you laughed. That's not a great review. He was thinking of the joke. Oh, right. Oh yeah, were there any thoughts swimming around in your brain while you were eating it? Like maybe it's sad in a way because finally the duck is

literally surrounded by bread. And what... And now... And what, pray tell, what kind of position is the duck in? He's in no position to enjoy it. Wow, this is weird for anyone that's never listened to the podcast. But also, we talk about the joke duck sandwich on the show so much. I think that might be the first time we've ever recorded it onto the show.

And you were in it. Yeah. It's now a duet. Hey, it's now mine. I own it. Possession is nine-tenths of the law, brother. Great. I'm happy for you.

You finally got one. To the Godimobile. Let's key the fuck out of it. Fuck this guy. It's, um, but this is bizarre. Like we're doing a podcast in Maribor.

This is bizarre. Yeah. Doing a podcast in Maribor. We're in Maribor. I've taken you to Thailand. I've taken you to Maribor. I've got nowhere else for you guys now.

I'm out of places. You're going to have to step up and find some fucking places for us to go now. There's only one place left for you to take me, bro. Big old murder suey. Alright. I think actually Miraburra is...

No, I won't say that. Should we go to like Peter McCallum House or something like that? Yeah, okay. I'm just trying to think of something in your canon. I don't know. We can do that. I can take you on a tour of the Royal Children's Hospital.

We'll do a podcast in there. They're licensed, aren't they? Yeah. We could get hooked up with the Starlight Foundation and, you know. Yeah. I made a wish and it was to get really pissed. Yeah, do a podcast for the kids and they can go, well, you know, surviving doesn't seem like it's...

I don't know. Could give or take it if that's the result. One day hopefully I can grow up to be like those two, take me now! Couldn't do this kind of stuff in the city, those fucking snobs. This is day one of the Mirabarra International Podcast Festival, by the way. Podcast tonight.

Tomorrow we're just going to do a lot of coward punching. This should be good. I hope you're all sticking around for that. What should we do? Should we do the... Let's do a podcast. It's a bit of a stretch. Here's something

actually funny for the people who actually live in Maribor. I was thinking of, I was trying to get guests, I was trying to think of someone in Maribor that we could get on the show. And I thought I'll ask the mayor. But there's no mayor because the entire council of Maribor got sacked. We can do whatever the fuck we want after this show tonight. There are no rules.

But get them on. It sounds like they've got some free time. Get them in. Does anyone know? Is the mayor here? Is the ex-mayor here? Does anyone know the ex-mayor? I don't think he does.

Let's just make this an unofficial town meeting. What do we want to change? About the town you've been in for two hours. Yeah, yeah. The Maribor advertisers here are taking photos, so we'll be in the paper next week, hopefully. Hopefully. Now, here are my grievances about the Maribor advertiser.

Now, if you've heard before, about six months ago, when we did the episode, we came up here looking for Matthew Delvedova. We came up, we talked about Maribor and all that sort of stuff. I'm going to step back so we can get a good photo of you absolutely roasting his employer. We should have made this like Blues Brothers and had the chicken wire in front of us, actually. So we talked a lot about Maribor, somewhat negatively,

and someone wrote into the Maribor advertiser, which I used to work for, and the same people work there now, and they just ran this guy's letter absolutely roasting us and calling us assholes and all this sort of stuff. So a couple of weeks ago, like with this leading up, I thought I'm going to write a letter to the paper to try and get some heat, some traction. So I wrote... It's got a distribution circle of about 18 people, so fucking, yeah, why not?

No, but the thing is, no one writes into it. So if you write one letter in, it's basically going to get on the front page. There's nothing else going in the paper. So I wrote this letter. Dear Maribor Advertiser, polite, back in June, you printed

a letter alerting your readers to a certain comedy podcast called The Little Dum Dum Club. The big city hosts had recently visited Mirabarra and decided to concentrate on the negatives of the town, like the high suicide rate and drugs, rather than the positives, like our McDonald's. They treated us like we were some tiny hick town of 6,000 people rather than what we are, a city of almost 7,500 people. Well, you could have blown me away with a feather when I

learned that these Melbourne ninnies had announced that they were doing a live comedy show in Maribor in January. What were they thinking? To my ears, these fools are some form of comedy ISIS that we should eradicate as soon as they get here. And to think that at the Maribor Highlands Society,

they'll be gracing the same stage as the regular touring company of the Fawlty Towers Theatre Restaurant Show. For goodness sake, one of these hosts is apparently from Maribor. Our very own Sunshine Johnson would be rolling in his grave.

If he was dead. On January 13, join me in boycotting these big City Slickers comedy show. Hey boys, go back to Big Stinky and marry a tram. From Tim Gott of Maribor. Now I, I, I, I got... Comedy ISIS. ISIS chops off people's heads. Comedy ISIS, we chop off punchlines.

Yeah. We just break people's wills to live. They kill themselves instead of killing anyone. We cut our audience numbers in half. Yeah. So I sent that into the Mirabar Advertiser and I waited for it to be published and I checked with my sources whether it had been published.

Mum. And it didn't get in. Are you ready to be picked up yet, by the way? Just say when you've had enough. Finish that. Finish that first. Finish that and then go nine on. All right, I'll go.

All right, mum, get the motor going. Oh, fucking hell. So I sent that in. It didn't get published. And then last week my mum ran into someone who worked at the Addy, at the Meribah Addy, and she walked up to Mum and went, we got a letter. We got a letter.

And Mum said, oh, did you? And she goes, yeah. Think it was from Carl. What a big newspaper where you can pick who it's from every time. Bloody idiot, it said Tim Gott. It's not my name at all. So I was trying to get some heat happening about the podcast, but anyway, it didn't work.

But we got all people from Melbourne, so that's fine. It worked out all right. Hey, they've sent a photographer down, so I don't know. Maybe it did work. Can you write everything down that I said tonight? Yeah, can the paper tomorrow just be a full transcript of this podcast? Yeah. I don't know the rules these days.

I used to work at the Maribor Advertiser ages ago. Can you... I can't even say it anymore. You can't even remember the name. Can you make me one promise? When you put our picture on the front cover this week, technically you can't put the word cunt on the cover, can you? This could be a first.

This could be a world first. This could put Mary Barra on the map. I'm pretty sure that's a journalist rule, but we're about to test that out. Yeah. Well, should we quickly do this thing before we bring out a guest? Yeah, yeah, sure. So we come up here.

We've been talking about this for years and years. Oh, maybe we'll come to Maryborough and do a podcast. And we finally organise and we go, this is going to be cool. We're going to be the first ever podcast from Maryborough. Like, that's pretty exciting. Like, that's awesome, right? Well, we then found out, and this is true. I don't know if anyone else has seen this,

if you look up, there's like a visitmerryborough.com.au. Tourist website, yeah. There's a tourist website that has a podcast section on there where there's like these kids who've like done, who've already done like a six-part series, serial style, about Maryborough. Yeah, there's as many deaths in it as well This is absolutely true

We've got a quick sample here On today's episode We will be whisking you all off On a weekend getaway Where the sun shines And the people are ever so inviting Where history thrives And antiques are the talk of the

town. Can you guess where we're going? That's right, Maryborough. We will give you an insight into this picturesque little town, showing you what there is to see and do and the best places to eat and stay. Even chat with some of the people who have already experienced and loved their weekends away in this beautiful area. So come on, jump in your car, head straight down the Western Highway, and let's see exactly what Maryborough has to offer. Just over two hours. That didn't take long at all, did it? And what a beautiful drive.

Now, not only have they stolen our idea, but the hosts both sound more masculine than me. That's fucked. And to be honest, that's a bigger laugh than we've got on the whole stretch of shows over. So anyway, we wanted, you know, why the fuck, why is this podcast listed on the visit maryborough.com.au website? So we decided we're going to pitch to get our podcast on the tourist website instead. So we're going to record our tourist podcast right now, if that's cool with you. It's called Talking Maryborough. So here we go. Can we get the... Can we get the Maryborough theme happening?

No, the other one. The other one. Not that one. The other one. Good guess though. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, here we go. Alright, here we go. Alright. Hi everyone. Welcome to Talking Maryborough. I we go. Alright, here we go. Alright. Hi everyone, welcome to Talking Maryborough. I'm Tommy. And I'm Carl. And we're here to teach you more than you ever wanted to know about the idyllic country town of Maryborough.

Carl, Maryborough is an interesting name for the town, isn't it? No, Tommy. Did you know Maryborough was originally going to be called Esky? Why's that, Carl? Because it's also small and full of ice. Carl, you're an ex-local. Can you tell me, a visitor, the three best things Maryborough has to offer? Well, Tommy, one, it's only 45 minutes from Bendigo.

Two, it's only 50 minutes from Ballarat. And three, it's only two hours from Melbourne. Carl, I love natural history. Does Maryborough have any great monuments? Tommy, Maryborough has it in spades. Visit the local Video Easy, where you'll discover what everyone else did on a Saturday night 15 years ago. Get a picture with their copy of Turner and Hooch. Oh, Maryborough train station is also a highly popular local landmark,

mainly because it's a way of getting the fuck out of this town. Carl, you know me. Like most ladies, I love my shopping. Any suggestions for me? Yes, Tommy, visit McDonald's. And don't forget to bring another suitcase to stock up on collectibles like quarter pounders, double quarter pounders, and of course, given it's the central goldfields, nuggets.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Gold nuggets, Carl? Ha ha, no Tommy, you stupid cunt. They're chicken ones. Another great landmark is the Bristol Hill Tower, which is rich with history, by which I mean that whilst inside you can smell the piss of people from 50 years ago. Wait, there's even more education within. Kids will learn about the time before mobile phones by reading all the ring-a-root

graffiti containing ancient landline numbers. Fancy an ale after a long day being soaked in central Victorian wonderment? The Meribah Violence Society is the place to go. Whether it's losing your wage in the poker machines and draining a megatown of the little resources it has, or cowed punching an out-of-towner, there's always something to do here. Adjoining the local bowls club, you'll sip on amber nectar as you view retirees waiting out their final years

waiting to go to a better place than Maryborough. Hell. Alright, Carl. Well, that brings us just about to the end of another episode of Talking Maryborough, but as always we have to thank the people who chip in and sponsor the show on Patreon. How many

names should we read out this week? Well, as Maryborough traditional favourite number here is five, let's do that. Okay, let's do, should we read out this week? Well, as Maribor traditional favourite number here is five, let's do that. Okay, let's do... Should we do five this week, Carl? Just for that, I'm going to skip four of them. Okay, let's do the last one. All right.

Thank you to Inbred Comedy. Thank you for sponsoring us. All right. I think we've sorted out the locals from the out-of-towners now, I think. I think we've... I think... Are we still going to get in the paper next week, do you reckon? A plug for our new podcast, at the very least, would be really helpful.

All right, should we get a guest out here? Yeah. Yeah, let's get our first guest out here. Folks, you know him as one of the best musical comedians in the country. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave O'Neill. Hey, poofs, how are you? Finally, a town where it's appropriate to talk like that. Yeah, yeah.

I haven't heard that since I was 16 growing up and just repeatedly hearing it out the window of passing cars. Hey, poofs, hey, poofs. Just done a corporate at Bunnings. I have done a corporate at Bunnings on a boat where they hung shit on me. The weirdest heckle I've ever heard. What sort of lawnmower you got, mate?

There was a heckle. And then I said a fly mower and that was like, oh, no. They're the worst lawnmower you can have. There's a fly mower, there's an electric mower with a cord. It's very emasculating pushing it around the yard. It's like a big hairdryer. And the rest of the boat too, they're just like, you've got a fly mower. You've got a fly mower.

Dave, can I ask you a personal question? Yeah. We're in Maryborough. What's the local high school in the nightclub? I don't know. I don't know. Carl would know that. I get a bit of shame.

What is the local nightclub around here? Well, I've just found out today because most of them have been closed down. Or renamed. I was going to say the local high school that you said, my high school got knocked down. Yeah, really? Yeah. So it can never happen again. For some reason this funding isn't

being approved. They built a new school here on top of the old tip. Oh, wow. The rubbish dump. They built it on top of the rubbish dump up here. Fucking hell. Yeah, so it's classy up there. I like that you said tip and then you Americanised it for Dave O'Neill. You know the rubbish dump. Yeah, I know's classy up there. I like that you said tip and then you Americanised it for Dave O'Neill.

You know the rubbish dump. Yeah, I know. The trashy. I know we called it the tip, but does everyone call it the tip? People still call it the tip. I think in Australia they call it the tip. Get out of here, you fucking fraud. You hippie out-of-towner.

Last time I was here I did a gig at the footy club. You know the footy club where they've actually got a ramp that goes up to the second level? Oh, that's the best thing in Maribor, the ramp. The ramp, yeah. We all know the ramp. That's on our coat of arms. Well, obviously someone on the committee was on a wheelchair and they went, I'm not fucking walking

upstairs because that's a lot of money to build a ramp to the second level of football. Maybe it was they built it because they knew you were doing a gig there. But I got there and there were no cars at all and so I thought I must have the wrong joint. So I rang the guy organising it and he said, no, that's the joint, just go in there.

And it was packed. And I said to them, why are there no cars at the front? And he goes, mate, this is Maryborough. We get pissed and we walk home. Yeah, that's Maryborough. Yeah, nice. Nice. I would have backed Maryborough for a fair bit more drink driving,

so that's very nice. Yeah, true. Things have changed since I grew up here. How did the gig go? It was okay. It was good. Yeah? And what did you get paid?

Oh, man. Not that much, actually. But I drove up with Dilric today, and we went into one of those truck weigh-ins, and the thing went ding, and I won a teddy bear. So it was a heavy load being a dill rock. How does both sides of the car sag? He took advantage of you. He got a bit Craig McLaughlin with him as I was driving.

It was awful. You know I've had an experience with him. You know I've had an experience with him. With Craig McLaughlin? Yeah, I've been told you guys this yet. So years ago I was on the Mick Molloy show, Clang, and I don't know if you guys remember it. It was on for about eight glorious weeks.

Anyway, Craig McLaughlin was in it. My edit button senses are tingling. And Craig McLaughlin was appearing in Happy Days of Musical playing Fonzie and so I hung shit on him on the Mick Molloy show saying you can't. He said he wanted to do Fonzie better than Fonzie did Fonzie. I'm like, you can't fucking do better than Fonzie, who, as we remember, was a 30-year-old man who lived above a garage. And anyway, I went to my old stand-up for you.

Anyway. I grew up with school kids. Why did you look at Tommy when you said a 30-year-old man living above a road? Because I've been to his house. Fuck off, man. I'm 31 now. Is your office a toilet? Anyway, enough of the 70s references.

And anyway, I said, you know, whatever, Craig McLaughlin, you're an idiot, blah, blah. And so then the next week I came back to do the McMulloy show, thinking nothing of it, and Red Simon's clang. He was doing Hey Hey in the next studio. Oh, fuck. Great stories. Did you guys get Hey Hey out here? Still on here.

The ostriches just left. Oh, fuck. We had Hey Hey. I love the ostrich. We used to get two channels here, like two channels on the ABC, Channel 6 and Channel 8, right? And both of them had the same shows on at the same time. Really?

Yeah, so you'd have to make a choice. Am I going to watch Hey Hey on Channel 6 or Channel 8? Well, on the Wikipedia page for Maryborough, one of the categories is just a list of the TV stations you get out of here. Oh, really? Yeah. They get Prime. Mate, they get out of here. Oh, really? Yeah. They get Prime. Mate, they get them all now.

Oh, really? Prime, Wynn. Was Glen Ridge the newsreader when you were growing up? Glen Ridge hosted Sixer Super Saturday Show. Oh. It was a kid's show in the morning. Sounds great. Yeah, he used to host cartoons and then he hosted a music show called Off the Record.

And one time he landed in the middle of Princess Park down the street in a helicopter and I ran down to meet him. So glad I brought it up. Wow. Well, we hit gold there. It's true what they say about this place. Did you meet him? Yeah, I've met, in Maribor, I met... This is a great list.

Rolf Harris. No, I did. I met Rolf Harris. He actually... This is a great list. Rolf Harris. No, I did. I met Rolf Harris. He actually did. Oh, you did meet Rolf Harris. That's right. I remember that story. And he wanted to sign your autograph.

I met him as a kid and he went, no thanks. He wouldn't sign. I drew a picture and he wouldn't sign it for me. And it was a picture of your big veiny cock and he was like, I'm not touching that. I'll take it home. I'm not going to sign it. I'll save that for me. And it was a picture of your big veiny cock and he was like, I'm not touching that. I'll take it home. I'm not going to sign it. I'll save that for later.

So who have you met up here? You've met Rolf. You've met Glenridge. I also met a bloke that was on the Sullivans once. Oh, not Terry or not Terry Sullivan, obviously, no. No, I can't remember, but I remember getting his. Not Norm. I remember.

Oh, who was Norm? Norm was the I don't know soldier, he was a soldier an old guy with a bald head. Was that his Norman Yem? Yeah, yeah, that's him.

That's him. You bet Norman Yem. I got his autograph I didn't even know who he was. He was a main character in the Solvents. I didn't watch it

I was a kid. I was watching Six of Super Saturdays. Yeah, fair enough. So exciting. Yeah, so that. I was watching Six of Super Saturdays. Yeah, fair enough. So exciting. Yeah, so that was, I had that in the autograph book and not Rolf because he wouldn't do it. I think my whole autograph book was Norman Yem. Oh, that's pretty good.

So Red said to me, Red Simons. Yeah, your mate. He said, Craig McLaughlin's very unhappy with you. You've been hanging shit on the TV and he wants to bash you. Or something else. And so we're kidding. And so anyway, I swear, two weeks later

I was in a cafe and Craig McLaughlin walks in, in a singlet with two massive guys like they've been to the gym. Right? And so I hid under the table. My wife's going, what are you doing? It's Craig McCluck. He's going to bash me.

Big table. I know. Should we get our next guest out here? Yeah, yeah, let's crack on. Folks, please welcome back onto the podcast our very good friend Dilruchai Singer. Yeah! our very good friend, Dilruk Jai Singer! Yeah! It's me, Mary Burrows Fessadaki.

It's great to be here. The shift to 7-Eleven starts soon. We don't have a 7-Eleven. Oh, really? You don't even have cabs. We don't have a 7-Eleven. We've got like a 9 to 5pm, I think. Is it Chandler's Cab Bakery? No, no, we don't have have cabs. We don't have a 7-Eleven. We've got like a 9 to 5 p.m., I think. Is it Chandler's Cab Bakery? No, no.

We don't have any businesses anymore. Sounds like your mum's single-handedly running Uber down here, so that's cool. I've been having a great time at the back watching both Tommy's parents and Carl's parents seeing what and what they laughed at. During the cancer jokes, needless to say, Tommy's parents not laughing. Probably fair enough. Pretty traumatic time for them all things considered. They probably made

them all back in the day. Heard it. This is hack. I made this back in 96. The worst experience in their life and they're having 100 people laugh at it. Of course. But then I kept watching them. Worst experience in their life. Now they're in Maribor. But they can. Of course. But then I kept watching them. Hey, hey, worst experience of your life. Now they're in Maribor.

But they can work the experience. But then I kept watching. They actually didn't laugh at all, so they just hate the podcast. Your mum's loving it, having a great old time, Carl, but your dad, not so much. Then the first time I saw him chuckle was when you called Tommy a stupid cunt.

The apple doth not fall far from the tree. He's been thinking that the whole time. Finally some relatable gear. Well, this is an interesting one for me because you know how much I love this podcast. I think you guys are good. Big call. I hate missing out on shows. In fact, your Sydney one, I flew myself, spent like 700 bucks to just be there.

You had to buy four seats for that. That's why it was so much. In fact, to your Sydney one, I flew myself, spent like 700 bucks to just be there. You had to buy four seats for that. That's why it was so much. It's like a $60 flight. You get four drinks though. Very good. You get four meals. Four snacks. But yeah, this is the first time I told Carl, Carl asked if I want to come.

I said, absolutely not. Because all I've heard from you is about how scary the town is. And then I knew not only that someone writing to the paper saying, like, this podcast is making fun of us. Let's, you know, stop it. And then you were telling me you're trying to rile up some of the locals. I'm like, I don't want to be part of this. This is too scary. So I kind of came prepared. So I built...

Here we go. Oh, wow. He's wearing a t-shirt. Wow, Dil bought a tent that says, I love Meribor. Wait, but also at the back I got this done. If found dead...

If found dead, return to Carl Chandler. Very nice. So I think I'm safe. Can I borrow that? My kids want to go camping. Hey, I don't want you if you're dead. Jesus. What am I supposed to do with that?

Live off it for fucking a year. You got a kebab shop? live off it for fucking a year. You got a kebab shop? How did we find a whale so far inland? Wicked at Bernie's style. You want to start a kebab shop? We're just me there.

And Dastlo's controlling the hour. Wicked at Dills. Sounded like you expected the KKK to turn up or something here. Well, that's what Kyle's told me. No. It used to be really rough back, like, you know, honestly, me being in a pub tonight with all you guys, this is the safest I've ever felt in a pub in Maryborough before because at least I've got a few people to take my back for me.

I don't have your back at all. Fuck off. But to be fair, people like Malcolm and all the people here at Highland have been very nice. Totally. I think I've changed my opinion. I'm glad I stand by this shit. I love Maryborough.

How good was the... We both had the special, didn't we? The chicken... The blowjob? No, that was... Mate, what happened in the car? We were doing a 69. You know, 69ers are so boring.

Imagine, everyone just pictured me and O'Neill 69ing, flabby guts in the way. To be fair, you did have a lot of time to kill while you were waiting for that number on the truck scale to keep climbing and climbing and climbing. We're the chicken highlander. Is that what we had? Yes, yes, yes.

Beautiful. By the way, just before the gig, I got informed that officially we have sold more tickets than the Fawlty Towers Dining Experience. Yes! We can retire happy. Justice is done. Don't mention the cancer.

I think they mentioned it once, but I got away with it. Where are Tommy's mum and dad? They like that one? Oh, they enjoy my gear. They'll be conflicted about that because they are big Fawlty Towers fans so I don't think they'll know where to land on that one.

Fawlty Towers is a great show. Get here, it's not so much. Well, you know, John Cleese didn't even know about that and he was told by the cast members of the live show he did. Yeah, yeah. But you know, there's a Don.

They didn't ask permission or any of those guys. Because everything that comes through here is like a cover band or like the truth only tells yeah so we this is the first real deal this is just a tribute to comedy it's a cover act of comedy it's not as good as the real thing it's a loving attempt at a rendition their hearts are in the right place. Everything is like a beta version, so beta Hamish and Andy.

Beta Peter Hellyer. And beta Nazim Hussain. Should we get our third guest out? Let's get our third guest out here. Folks, another great friend of the show, please welcome Harley Brin! It's beta Dave Thornton fuck I brought local boy? What a great catch up with my friends.

What a shit town. No, don't say that. No, it's not actually. I feel like I've said it enough as a joke and I feel like some of the locals have taken it seriously. I'm the fucking biggest advertiser of this town. You are. For the locals here, look at all the motherfuckers I brought here.

This is the biggest. Exactly, for the locals here, look at all the shituckers I brought here. This is the biggest... Exactly, for the locals here, look at all the shit cunts he brought here. This is the biggest tourist event ever in Maribor right now, alright? I have pumped millions into this economy, alright? Millions, millions. Millions of kilos, I mean. I would say that I was actually quite surprised with how beautiful this town was.

There's far more fences than I thought there'd be. It's quite an odd place. Most hubcaps are still on the cars. I think it's a great place. I have to say, given that that's what you thought coming in, interesting choice of attire for walking down the street here. I've really gone full... I've just drilled down on floral for my excursion into Maribor.

But you're a big unit. You can get away with floral. I'd be killed immediately as soon as I stepped out there. Yeah, I don't get seen as much because I'm bigger. Yeah. What? I feel you, bro. That is some full-on Maribor maths.

I don't know why they burnt that school down or whatever the story was? What's going on? Beta Milan. We've got a female Milan. Hello, Melania. That's beer. Thank you. Thank you.

So Milan, our friend Milan, the eccentric Serbian billionaire. Finally dead. Finally died. He was coming, he was coming, he was coming, and then he did not make it. So that is the, yeah, a lot of people said they're not going to get a lot of free drinks tonight. I don't like that.

I just arrived on stage with a jug of beer and Jackie has clearly gone, well, that's for him. I'll get the others some beers. Hey, Spinner Maribor, your train station is genuine. Speaking of Maryborough. Let's just take that as a given. We're going to talk about Maryborough. We're in Maryborough.

Yeah, yeah. Your train station is genuinely amazing. None of them are from Maryborough, mate. Don't keep talking about it. I'm talking to Malcolm. Oh, Malcolm, yeah. No, no, no. But you can...

Has anyone not seen the train station yet? It is absolutely worth going. Oh, go check it out. It is genuinely... Has anyone from Maryborough hasn't seen the train station yet? It is absolutely worth going. Oh, go check it out. It is genuinely... Is anyone from Maribor hasn't seen the train station yet? Now, I found out, Carl, that I made it onto your shit list.

Yes. This is fucking bullshit. So... As you know, I listen to every episode. But I missed one. So, look, my parents obviously don't listen to the podcast. This is the first time they've heard of any of it.

What? So just so you know, a lot of people came to the wedding that you guys were invited to as well. Oh, how generous of you to invite your parents. No biggie. They had to pay for their own meal. Wait, quick, I can see your dad's eyes glazing over. Give him a bit of what he wants. He's a cunt.

He's back. I'm sorry to tell you, Mum, some of the guests didn't bring a present, which I think's quite rude. What do you think? She's fallen asleep. You must have patience with people.

Yeah. Thank you. She heckled your reverend with that as well. Yeah. When he asked what is important in a marriage. Patience. Me and Mourny both said anal at the same time. That was good.

It's good you brought it up. We said anal in a church and then high-fived. But you didn't even hear the question. And also, it was a winery. You thought it in a church and then high-fived. But you didn't even hear the question. And also, it was a winery. You thought it was a church. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's been a year and a half since I've drunk. I can't remember what it's like.

This looks like a church. Everyone seems happy. What number were you on the list? I was number four. No, rightly so, because you're a shit cunt. You're number one. What number were you on the list? I was number four. No, rightly so, because you're a shit cunt that didn't bring a gift. You were number one. What number were you? No, I wasn't a number because I had a gift

and I fucking forgot to put it in the thing. I brought it with me. Oh, sure, man. Sort of me. Yeah, me. No, you didn't bring it. Fuck off. Yeah, same here.

I had a gift that was in the pocket of my suit jacket. I drove home and I forgot about it. You rolled it, you smoked it. And I didn't bring it. So my little brother, Sinclair Breen, the greatest Dum Dum fan. What a clang. Everyone's like, fucking who? That's the point of a clang.

He called me up a couple of days ago and just went, just so you know, you've made the list. And I went, sorry, what's that, mate? I don't know what you're talking about. He goes, oh, dum-dum. I'm like, I know that's front of mind, isn't it? That's what I was thinking about. I'm putting my kids to bed. Fuck, I wonder what's going on with dum-dum. Ring, ring. Here we are. I'm on the list.

Give a fuck. So, here's your stupid fucking card. Yeah! Open it up. Open it. I've just got to make an addition to the list. It's got a lot

to live up to. Dave O'Neill's It Was Fun. It was fun. I wrote that card on the day. I put that gift in the card on the day. What about the other night of the set day basement gig and I was talking to these three women who were lovely and they were laughing a lot of my jokes so I really warmed to them and I said to them afterwards how do you know

Cal and they said we used to work at AFL with him and I said to one of them do you know Diane he's she goes, I am Diane. Don't say her name. Well, you don't want your parents to know. Cool. So now everyone knows my wife's name, my phone number and my number plate. Well, who's fault is it? Actually, two of those are mine. By the way, on the number plate, he said Tommy got it for you.

No, it was not just you. It was me and Cody and Milan as well. And Dave Thornton, I think. Yes, you fucking... Yeah, I had a great deal to do with that. He's just a chip in for the number plate here. I'm doing my list of shittest cunts that didn't chip in for the number plate. I'll open up the card. Yeah, look, the front of the card's a little fucking diamond ring.

It's a very wedding themed like what you gave to your wife I get it happy love day censored and Carl censored? sounds Russian I wrote censored

I love you redacted well done on finding each other hashtag in car we trust which to be fair I have tattooed on my leg that is how committed I am it says hashtag in car we trust Jesus

so fuck you and putting me on your shit list I'm just poorly organised that's all and what did I give you what is it? What is it? Oh, here's the present. Eight condoms.

Here's the present. He's a little voucher. He got me a little Dum Dum Club sticker. Which you can purchase on the way out. To be honest with you. Which you didn't buy, you just stole. I just stole it. That is what I put in there.

It's $100. Cash in there. I'll hand it over. On record, I, you just stole. I just stole it. That is what I put in there. It's $100. Cash in there. I'll hand it over. On record, I gave you $100. I gave Nick Cody the same for his fucking wedding.

She's about to say shit wedding. I don't know why. It was a good wedding, Cody. I liked it. Whose was better, Adam, mine and Cody's? Yours.

But anyway. Not only have I taken you off the shit list, I've put you on the great list. And Rotten Ronnie got a hundred as well, and his wedding was a whole tour, so that's not bad. Yeah. Whose food was better, Ronnie, mine or Cody's? Well, Ronnie, he's Asian.

His dessert was fucked, but his main course was amazing. Oh, was it? Yeah. Your food was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. And that's coming from two massive experts. Two people who didn't bring a gift.

Again, again. A lot of the food, bullshit. A badly organised gift was there. And I've given you the gift since. So have I. Yeah. Fucking stop whinging. Yeah, we're not on the list.

I haven't whinged. Okay, so who are the people who haven't given a gift yet? Oh, fuck, update. Who is there? Well, there's tragics that are never going to give me anything. Nick Capper. Nick Capper. Nick Capper, who's here tonight.

And who? David Quirk, another tragic. He's riding his skateboard here. He'll be all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I gave him a lift to the wedding. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, because...

How else is he going to get there? And he blames you for that, Tommy Dasolo. I know he does. Yes. Yeah. He decided it was your fault that he'd made a lifetime choices. Lifestyle choices. Lifestyle choices.

Yeah, that's it. He's a vegan because of Tommy Dasolo. Yes. He's seen what meat can do to someone. David Quirk is because of Tommy Dasolo. If that's what meat can do, fuck it. So it is Kappa, Quirk, Fiona O'Loughlin. Yeah, well, she's a piece of shit.

She's Australia's favourite piece of shit. And her youngest daughter is my babysitter, so, you know. Who else was there? There's, I don't know. Limo? Oh, yeah, Limo. Limo. That's surprising, actually.

Cody? He's very wealthy. Yeah, Cody's still on the list. Rosie Rosenbachs? No, he presented up a couple of weeks ago. What did he give you? What did the card say? Big gift voucher to a very nice restaurant in Melbourne.

Oh, nice. Yeah, very nice. Can I come? Sizzler. Sizzler. Because I just did. Still, you can't come. The voucher's only for $150.

You got a voucher from a Dum Dum fan for an Indian restaurant once and we went together. I don't know if that was racist or not, but I asked you if you wanted to come. Before your podcast partner, you asked me, you're going,

oh, this guy probably likes curry. No, it was more, to be fair, it wasn't racist at all. It was like, this guy probably likes food. Food. Food. Food. Say it correctly. probably likes food. Food. Food. Food.

Say it correctly. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Everyone try it, it's fun.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food so you can jam it in your mouth. Food. Fast food. Fast food. Food. Fast food.

Fast food. You're now just by the end you just jam it in. I just want to hurry up and say it. Get it fucking in there.

I'm wasting time on syllables so I should be eating instead of Exactly. I want that noise again. Do that again. That's dinner time at the Dilbrook house.

Lady J.S. Singer walks in. The kids just... You are spitting so much every time you say that. The front row is just drenched at this point. Oh, yeah, not from my spit. From what, then? This glorious display on stage? My floral shirt.

Oh, yeah, so you know what? I talked about this years ago on the show. Me and my friends, and a bunch of them are here tonight, we made a list of Marborough people yeah the biggest the biggest weirdest people in there didn't get your license do I have a gun like yeah you seem like a person that shouldn't but you seem like you come from a town that there's a lot of people with gun licenses and you got a lot of fucking lists I'm just checking whether you have a gun license I got it a lot of people with gun licenses and you got a lot of fucking lists yeah check whether you have a gun license I got a lot of different tell

people what the name of your festival show is this year yeah Cal Chandler shit list people love this don't they yeah you know what they love more comedy Punchlines Jokes He doesn't love a list, Don Burke He doesn't love a list Do you have dementia? The scourge of the edit suite Fucking Dave O'Neill

Absolutely at it again We did breakfast radio You didn't say any of this shit on breakfast radio I did ABC recently for two weeks. You don't say that stuff on there. That's why we can bring it out here. That's why we come here, fuckhead. You didn't get on and go,

anyway, thanks for Red for doing the last two weeks, the big poof. You would have sacked immediately. Maybe not. Just pretend you're on ABC from now on. Give us your ABC voice right now. Welcome to ABC in Maryborough. It's Dave O'Neill filling in here.

Today we're going to talk about the rubbish on the highway. All right, now we're getting somewhere. I have to say, by the way, I'm a genuine and you know there's a massive fan of you on the ABC. It's like my station. Fuck, that was good. Just what a professional. 1-300-222-774, text 0437-774-774. We've got Carl on the line who lives in Maryborough.

How are you going, Carl? Oh, hi, big fan. First time call, long time listener. Did you want to talk about the rubbish on the highway, Carl? Oh, yeah, it's really dirtying up a beautiful town. I blame the McDonald's that just got here. Oh, we can't mention brands on the show. Always on.

Very good. Now the tables have turned. Don't you get it, mate? Hang on. We've got a person from a different nationality, which is unusual in the ABC. We've got Dill on the phone. Hello, Dill.

How are you? Dill? Hello. Are you happy with your current provider? Oh, wow. Fucking hell. It's okay because he said it. So many different times in history there's been a similar show

and a similar room and a similar country town called Wogs Out of Work. Yeah. I sort of miss Fawlty Towers now. All right, so we made a list of all the super weirdos in town ages ago. And I wonder who's here from Mirabarra. So I thought I'd do a bit of a roll call. So I'll see if any of these people are here tonight. All right.

Is Steve Holdees here tonight? No? Okay. Is Leopardhead here? What a birth Okay. He's Leopard Head here. What a birth name. Wow. Leopard Head isn't here? I mean, if your last name's Head.

You've got to go with Leopard. Don't call your kid Leopard. His nickname is Leo, so it's fine. Yeah, yeah. Alright, Sea Urchin. Any of the urchins here tonight? This is like a Rowan Atkinson live sketch. By the way, I went out for a drink just before

and all of the locals are just outside that not soundproof barrier. So sorry, what's the story with sea urchin again? One time he jumped in the lake, which is a terrible idea, and when he walked out, someone just pointed at him and went, you look like a sea urchin again? One time he jumped in the lake, which is a terrible idea, and when he walked out, someone just pointed at him and went, you look like a sea urchin. What a great nickname. No one looked at you and said, dumb cunt.

Old bottle opener, are you here tonight? Sorry, I won't do this for all of them. She just had very protruding front teeth and when she would walk past, someone would yell out, it's, oh, bottle opener. Mrs Doubtfire.

This is the happiest place on earth. All right, is half a dozen head here? Look, I know I said I wasn't going to do these. What's that? What's the story of half a dozen head? Because his forehead was so big, it was half a dozen. How many of these are you going to do? Like five? To be fair, that could be you.

Half a dozen head and whole head To be fair it could be any one of us on this stage Now my head is beautiful Covered in food Who else we got Stop spitting you fucking Galapagos Island Turtle Is bin dust here tonight You fucking Galapagos Island turtle. Sure. Is bin dust here tonight?

Bin dust? No bin dust? You have Osama bin dust, yeah? Bin, bin... Bin roast? Bin dust was because this guy pulled up to one of my mates once, just like randomly, like stopped his car in front of one of my mates, hopped out and went,

you're nothing but a piece of bin dust. And then drove off. That's bad. Isn't see your mates based on a random story like that as well? Like someone who was just on a bike who just drove? Yeah, that wasn't in Mirabai. That was actually the, look, I know this band. Really? Oh, yeah.

Bliss and Esso? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Blissinesso? I can't remember who you know. Guys called The Avalanches, which are people from around here, and they both sent me good luck messages tonight. See why I was scared? Everyone else who was local says to be worried. Yeah.

All right, all right. We'll try a few more. Is Russell the love muscle here tonight? I hope so. None of my mates have turned up. It's a numbers game. We go through it sooner or later, one of these people is going to be here. None of your mates have turned up, just like any other show of yours.

And wedding. I'm with them, yeah. Breakfast Face. Your town has shit nicknames. That needs, I don't think I've ever heard that one before. That's a good one. Breakfast Face. Yeah, he just had like a really furry mole on his face.

It looked like he'd left a cornflake on his face. But you're not going on Breakfast Face? Yeah, he just had like a really furry mole on his face that looked like he'd left a cornflake on his face. But you're not going Breakfast Face. When you're mates and you're just playing bowls, it's like, Brecky! There's got to be something. But we weren't mates with a guy that we called Breakfast Face. It was more of us driving down the street and going, Breakfast Face, driving on.

What do you mean the mole looked like Cornflake? Weird that he hasn't shown up tonight. The Cornflakes thing, that's weird. What do you mean? So you don't look at a bowl like cornflakes? Well, weird that he hasn't shown up tonight. The cornflakes thing, that's weird. What do you mean so you don't look at a bowl of cornflakes and go, oh, that looks like a bunch of hairy moles? Yeah. Or maybe you should. How mouldy is the food at your house?

All right, who else? Who else? Jill's just had ten meals And? Who else? Who else can we Carl, so your nicknames were what? Changa Chang

That's it Changy Nothing else? Chang All bulgy eyes That's a traditional That's a traditional Maribor nickname for the Chandlers. But I reckon what's happened now is like today he was walking down the street

and the next generation, do you know what I mean? Like 16-year-olds have driven past him and gone, oh, there's old fucking... Podcasty. Yeah, that's what they said. All right, all right, we'll do one more. Podcast face. One more.

That's actually a good name for both of you. Podcast face. Aw. Sorry, cancer boy. Thank you. Oh, I got him again. I'm killing it with the allsops at the back. This is great.

Is Barry Monopoly here tonight? Wow. Because he passes go? No, here's the thing. This is because one of Barry Monopoly here tonight? Wow. Because he passes go? No, here's the thing. This is because one of my mates was like, oh, my God, I live near a guy called Barry Monopoly. And we're like, you fucking don't. That's too good of a name.

That's insane name. And he's like, no, no, no, it's so funny. He really exists. I'm like, you've got to prove it. Bring in the phone book. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it.

Prove it. So he brought in the phone book. Prove it, prove it, prove it, prove it. So he brought in the phone book, and what he'd done was scribble out the name John and wrote in Barry. But his name's still Monopoly. Really? He didn't have to change it to Barry. Monopoly was good enough.

Did he walk around with a monocle? Go directly to jail. Comedy jail. So none of them are here? None of them. Oh, what a shame. None of your mates. Like your 21st all over again.

Did you have that here or your 21st year? I was living in Ballarat then. What did you do for your 21st? Had a party at my share house. Did you pick up? In your speech, did you forget to talk about yourself? Shut up. I did

mention her. I was talking about your 21st. What are you talking about? Did you turn up and not bring a present? No, it was in my pocket. I fucking forgot. Well, we have something of a regular segment on this show. Yes. As of

recent. Are there any... Regular? Well, I mean as like from now on this show. Yes. As of recent. As in regular? Well, I mean, like from now, I guess. Okay. Once we do this. Are there any Damien Hegarty fans in the house? Who's Damien Hegarty? We don't remember what that is, by the way. Yeah, fair enough.

Well, we've got a fresh tome here, and I think it might be time for another episode of My Friend's Dad Wrote a Porno. Yes. be time for another episode of My Friend's Dad Wrote a Porno. Yes! And if we could welcome out the great narrator himself,

Nick Capa. Capa! Another member of the list. Another member of the list, yeah. Did you bring your present up, Capa? Actually, I've got my present backstage. If you'd like me to get that

okay sure this is when this is when kepper just leaves the building and runs out you could get us an oil the person and get some deodorant i brought the other one give it to your mate so today you just didn't use it you're not just me? No. This is for me. No. Here we go. No, it's not. Shut up, everyone. Here we are. Serviettes of all colours.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Well, that'll get us in trouble with the venue, so that's quite a lovely present. Every new household needs serviettes. I love how you've stacked them up to nut height. I think these are the height that it'll ever be at.

Put them down. Stop damaging the server. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Highlander Club. It's the Highland Society. There can only be one dumb cunt. There can only be one dumb cunt. There can only be one punchline. Okay, so, yeah, my dad has written, and, yeah, he is in the room. So this will be weird. He's written a second porno.

If you don't know who he is, he's a guy from Take a Bow. We'll do the bow at the end. No, do the bow at the end. It's the follow-up to The Eye of the Tiger. It's a, I don't know. Oh, by the way, so your dad's here, obviously. He wrote the porno last time that we heard, and it was the story of a 70-year-old man.

Yes. And how old's your dad again? He's 71. Yep, right. So it could have been based on anyone. And it was a story about him having sex with, what, a 23-year-old girl? What? No, it was him watching at some 23-year-old. Oh, no, that's what, a 23-year-old girl? What? No, it was him watching at some 23. Oh, no, that's better.

A 23-year-old girl. And how old's your girlfriend again? She's 24. Fuck. Fucking hell. Wow. I wonder what the inspiration is there. This absolute mastermind.

This is like watching a live version of Making a Murderer. No, it's a live version of fucking Jerry. Shut up. Good job, mate. Great impact. Oh, shit. You've got to know what it is before you say it. Even your tongue is too fat, dude.

The only guy off the pitch. The slowest guy ever. Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer. All right, so here we go someone's fucking someone here we are alright

no don't give it away spoilers alright I look last time I thought you could not top

the title of an erotic story like Eye of the Tiger but I stand corrected. Because the title of this one is called Breakfast at Tiffany's. Hope it features breakfast face.

Breakfast face at Tiffany's. I like it. Do you like your eggs eaten? Sorry. Don't jump the gun. Jesus, I've got people splooged in already. Anyway... Do you want to hand out those serviettes?

Yeah. We'll do the green ones first. Why the green ones first? Why green? It shouldn't be green, buddy. If it's green, you've fucking broken it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to go to the doctor. To be honest, I regret saying that.

All right. Jesus. What time is this place closed? It's not open. Alright. So, it says

A Fantasy by Damien Hegarty. Okay, which is the pseudonym of the... So another one in the family who likes changing his name. That's the name he's checked into at the Bristol Hill Motel, so now you can fuck with him. Except now you know the name and where he's staying. At least he stayed within his race.

I mean, come on. This fucking Italian bullshit that you've gone with. Oh, shit. Wow. Anyway, shit. Wow. Anyway, you can tune in to Romper Stomper on Stan. No, that haircut doesn't make him look like one of those type at all. What are you talking about? Yeah, Damien Hegarty.

Love his work. Come on, get your sexy voice on. He's a Hugh Hefner of Melbourne. Except having a grotto, he's got a bunker. That's one I prepared earlier. So anyway, this one says dramatis personae. So I guess that means cast. Clive Broad, a 30-year-old farmer who lives with his parents at Broadlands Park, in brackets.

So you're Clive? Is that what's going on here? I don't know. At Broadlands Park. Okay, just in case you thought that was part of the sentence. Just off the St. Arnold Road. Oh, local. Broadlands Park

is about 2,000 hectares of excellent grazing land. Fuck, now is anyone doing anything tomorrow? Because I think we're going to be here for a while. Oh man, if that doesn't give you stiff, I don't know what will.

I hope they were using a John Deere 8 series on that thing. I hope they were using a John Deere 8 series on that thing. Love it when you talk tractors. Pass some serviettes this one. If you're talking New Holland, you're pushing rope. Come over and plough O'Neill's field.

It's a big one. By the way, Carl's dad has walked out, so that's not a good sign fair enough jesus all right i wrote a porno as well and they're not gonna fucking read it out yeah yeah he doesn't want to be one-upped so he's going home to get his porno um mr broad is in his late 60s surprise surprise his his family owned the park, as he called it, for four generations. They are well-known and well-liked in the area. The homestead is a large, single-storey brick house surrounded by a veranda. Necessary details.

I'm betting that veranda's going to come up later on. There are a collection of outbuildings and two cottages, okay? So now that we've got the architectural layout, let's park. Can I ask actually, what does your dad do for a living? Architect. Yeah. Is your penis supposed to go back up inside yourself when you hear a porno? Show us. I don't know how many times I've you hear a porno? Show us.

I don't know how many times I've been watching a porno and going, I wonder what type of claddings in the wall. It doesn't feel like we're hearing a porno. It's more like we've stopped at the Country Information Centre. Tiffany Fellows lives further off St Arnaud Road,

past the Broadlands Park. Tiffany's family keeps to themselves. Nobody knows much about them. She's an only child and lives with her mother. She is about 35. Oh, I can relate to that. About? He wrote the character.

He should know. Yeah, but he's guessing. He's having a crack. 35, 70, 24, who's looking? Percy lives, as long as the buildings are right. Structurally sound. So we've got Clive, we've got Tiffany. Tiffany.

Percy lives along the same road. Greatborn name, Percy. Percy, yeah. On a small piece of land in a little cottage by himself. College, little college. What did you do after high school? Oh, I studied at a cottage. No, Kappa couldn't get into cottage.

What's your favourite food? College cheese. You. That's the most I've ever been taught. Nobody knows how quite old he is and what his story is except that they seem to have been there forever. He is a very quiet person and is frequently employed

around the area doing light farmhand work, gardening and some handyman repairs. Farmhand, handyman, so basically hand jobs. Can't do it quicker. We've got to stop. Don't read lines from the script. Don't read ahead. It's 26 pages, everyone.

Strap yourself in. Did you have a stroke before you came out here? What's happening? We'll be having a stroke afterwards as well. All right. More Soviets. Come on. Go easy on him. This is the most he's read. happening? We'll be having a stroke afterwards as well. Alright. More Soviets. Come on. Go easy on him. This is the most he's read. He never went to cottage.

Cottage. I studied graphic design at cottage. Thank you very much. Same as Carl. I love a good college pie. Alright. We know the joke. Why don't you all cottage the fuck up?

Okay. Wherever he works, he comes and goes unexpectedly and announces he pleases, which is not a good thing when you work for somebody. Anyway, even at dusk, he can be found weeding a garden bed outside a dining room window. What? Listening to every word said by the family within. He knows everything that is going on in the area. Is this Percy still?

Yeah, this is Percy, yeah. So he's like a farmhand, a jackaroo, as we call it out in the outback. I don't know. Jacking what? I don't know if you like... He's jacking a roo? Fucks. A jackaroo my tiny dick off, nice.

Okay, so all right, guys. So we've gone through the dramatist persona. Oh, fuck. We haven't even reached the start of the porno yet. These are just the characters. Carl's already come. You should know that by the lack of anyone's dick that's out. Not all pornos have dicks in it, okay?

Okay. The lack of anyone's anything that's out. By the way, so Cappy, you and Brett Blake and Nick Carr all came up a bit early. Yeah, they came up early. Here we go. Blakey hit me up early to go, oh, we're thinking about

camping the night before like two hours out of Maryborough. I'm like, that's fucking Melbourne. Yeah, that's Melbourne. Yeah, that's what this reading needed, an interjection. It's helping. Man, you haven't done it rough till you've camped in Coburg. It wasn't a portos for like four metres, it was five.

All right, setting, okay. Fuck. The central north-western district of Maryborough, all right, just, okay? Fuck. The central northwestern district of Maryborough, all right, just in case you... Oh! Right, I'm starting to put some pieces together. Around the soundly Aussie city of 7,500 people. I don't know why, but there has been a dollar sign

put in front of the population. That's funny for me. Wait, is this... been a dollar sign put in front of the population. That's funny for me. 7,500 people noted for an early gold mining boom and wool production. Notable Australians born there includes lots of footballers, including media identity Philip Adams, past Chief Justice of Victoria, and Lieutenant. Here we go. Here it is.

Lieutenant. Okay, okay. It's just Lieutenant. No, no. You can is. Lieutenant. Okay, okay. It's just Lieutenant. No, no. You can do it, mate. Check the Wikipedia page. Fuck, I didn't know Dad knew what Wikipedia was. Nice work.

Pronounced in this case, Lieutenant. Governor Sir Edmund Herring and comedic identity, Carl Chandler. You got my attention. I've lost the story. Man, there's no story yet. There has been a story. Can I hear the characters again? This is the setting.

Skip the setting. Can you just skip to the appendix? Now what turns you on? That's the appendix. You're getting fucked in the appendix. Something went wrong. A porno in an operating room. Now you got me.

Put it in the appendix. Make him burst. ABC local. Give us a call. Have you ever been fucked in the appendix? Give us a call. Have you ever been fucked in the appendix? This chick's cool. Man, that chick was so hot I got an appendicitis. Anyway.

It was stuck in her pancreas. Give us a call. I thought it was a good call. All right. Now, Maryborough is noted for its spectacular railway station, which was built as a major interchange. Fuck the architect again. Jesus.

Did someone do a route there? No, no, no. This is all the setting, all right? This is necessary. We get it. We're setted. I'm set. We're here.

I'm set. Yeah, we're in it. We're fucking in it. Ready. There's no wind direction in this one, so I am not even half-mast. You've dropped your anchor, mate. All right. Which was built as a major interchange for the planned Victoria-Rowo network,

which, alas, did not take place. American author Mark Twain visited the city in 1895. Fuck, man. How did you get made? Like, honestly, if it takes this fucking log to write one, how are you ever inseminated? Shut up. I think Mark Twain's about to bust a nut.

Why do you think there's only one of him? I think his old man was reading Encanto 95 when he... 95! Encanto 95. I should have said that louder. Anyway, act one. Oh, fuck. What a runner.

Now that we know what American Orpheus. I'm going to get a nut out. Now that we know what American Orpheus is. I'm going to nut out. I'm going to get ready. Oh, no. All right, here we go. Hang on, so where are we? Okay.

What's the title again? Look, there's people leaving. Yeah, we know where they're going. Oh, someone's going to the disabled toilet. Yay! leaving. Yeah, we know where they're going. Where are they going? I'll fucking find you. Someone's going to the disabled toilet. Yay! That'll be busy tonight. Too much action.

Go, go. If I pick up here tonight and I have trouble getting across the line, I'm just going to get it a whisper in my ear, Mark Twain visited the city in 1895. Goddamn, I'll be a... I won't be holding back. Did you come here genuinely with the interest of picking up?

No, I came here to sell festival show tickets. I've only sold four. Four is better than none, though. What a great business choice. I think you've done well, my friend. Okay, let's really pick and choose what we chime in from now on. Yeah, go. Yeah, act one.

All right. Jesus Christ. Trying to get some publicity. To be fair, you're interrupting yourself half the time. Yes. All right. Act one. Hot summer day.

The camera follows an ancient, dirty Holden utility along the main road. Oh, Percy. It turns off to a gravel road. Gravel. There we go. We're a bit dirty. Here we are. The ute then creates a huge plume of dusk.

I think that's meant to be dust, but anyway. It creates a time of day. It travels a bit faster than wise, but Clive Broad knows the road very well. Oh, Clive. The car turns into an impressive timber gateway across the cattle grid up the drive with dusty cypress trees. Oh, impressive gateway.

Yeah, I know. Timber as well, not wrought iron like some square fuck would have. Tommy, next time, can you tell your dad not to cut out the details? Clive drives a ute around the back. Oh, here we go. It's around the back. That's where we're all looking. It's the closest we've got to a porno so far.ute around the back. Oh, here we go. It's around the back. That's where we're all at. It's the closest we've got to a porno so far.

Right around the back. He's excited brown kelpie. Bomber. Oh, no. Is he here? Hang on. If this mutt wasn't in the dramatist persona, I do not want to fucking hear about it, Dad.

There's a time and a place for introducing new characters. I've just memorised everyone and now I've got to stick another one in the brain box. A fucking Kelpie appears. Bomber. Also Nick Capper's nickname. Alright.

See what I mean? If anyone was hard then Dill made your comedy dick limp Sorry Who has a comedy dick? I do It's got clown foot makeup on it Fuck

Fuck Alright Double whammy for Dool Kappa come on Alright alright Jesus Keep going guys Please You don't get paid by the minute For being on this thing you know Yeah Kappa, come on. All right, all right. Jesus. Keep going, guys. Please.

You don't get paid by the minute for being on this thing, you know. Yeah. Is this how you make love as well? I'm not going to sell any tickets and I'm going to get a bill for serviettes. Jesus. To be fair, that's what most people use your flyers for anyway. Excuse me, it's toilet paper. We are never going to get through this.

You're not going to sell any tickets. That's what most people say at your comedy show. If you don't believe it, go sit. I need to take a piss so badly, but you can't go, I've got to go to the bathroom in the middle of the reading of your dad's born. I think that's the best time to do it. Dad, I need to do a wee. That's like saying dad's won.

All right. He's gone. Take the mic with you Alright, we'll be at the same place when you get back Okay, it's what this thing needed An interval That's what it needs I just noticed you've got multiple pages

Fuck I only got two Double sided Come on Speed read Jesus Christ No, I only got two. I only got two. Oh, no, there's three. Double-sided. They're double-sided. Oh, quick. Come on. Speed read. Here we go. Come on.

Jesus Christ. No, no, no. Come on. Come on. Get through. Double-sided printing. Like, just read it. Kappa, read it.

Stop interrupting. Just read it. Kappa. Kappa. Read it, Kappa. And he's excited. Kelpie Bomber jumps over him and out of the car from the passenger seat. Clive is wearing...

Oh, ding. Fuck, page two. Nice. Ding. We're getting somewhere. Kids turn the page. It's a ding. Are you all right, mate?

Very shabby, dirty, hard yakka shorts. A checked shirt with sleeves rolled up and a mishappened dirty Akubra hat. Mishappened or misshapen? Mishappened. I am reading this verbatim.

I know I'm a dumb fuck but... So Jocelyn you missed out. Your dad rooted your girlfriend. And, um... Fuck. And then your mum didn't come. So... I apologise.

I didn't want to say that. Why did you? I don't know where I am anymore. Cabba, go, go, go. I've done four comedy festival shows. Oh, fuck. It's turning into This Is Your Life. And my fifth one coming up now if you want to get

any tickets but this is the worst thing I've ever been a part of. How is there an ad in a porno? Anyway. Yeah, it's like

on the web. Did Dassler's dad write that ad for you? If this doesn't get you hard I'll tell you what will.

Preview night. Ten dollars. Wow. Yeah. $10. It's a bit pre-cum night at the moment. Fucking get into it. Okay, okay, I'm going.

All right. And a mishap and a Cooper hat. We're showing. All okay in Flemings, says Mr Broad, who had appeared from within a shed. The Northwest Paddock is called Flemings. It always has been. Nobody seems to know why.

Most paddocks on properties have names that mean absolutely nothing. Capper, I'm giving you licence to use a bit of editorial discretion. Anything that you think might be worth skipping over, just go for it, buddy. Right, just get to the end. Guys, Kappa can't read. He's making all of this up. I'm reading a survey. I'm looking on, and if you add shit in, I'm fighting you.

Harley, Harley, take over. Take over. No, I don't want to take over. No, I don't want to. No, no one needs that. All right. Which is nowhere near the river. Giles, the shed, which they are just names.

Okay, we've got the paddock. Pretty hot out there, Dad. I think I'll go for a swim. Clive goes inside. The camera follows him up. There's a camera here now. Follows him into the passenger bedroom. He undresses completely and puts on his swimming short.

He is muscular and tan. All right. completely and puts on his swimming short. He is muscular and tanned. Alright. Right on. Act two. Fuck! That was the... Yeah. The ute speeds down the gravel road,

turning off before a bridge into a secluded tree area. After the bridge, which is windchiller, a necessary detail, the fellow's property, which is windchiller, a necessary detail, the fellow's property, sometimes on a hot day, there are other people. Today, there are none.

Clive removes his swim shorts, throws them aside, and heads for the river. Bomber's in first. That's the dog. This dog's going to get fucked in the water. This dog's getting fucked. Your dad's fucking a dog This is a classic dog fucking ball

Your dad's going to fuck a dog I can see this coming a mile off Someone's coming a mile off Clive Clive enjoys the cool water and the freedom He lazes there thinking about nothing Clive enjoys the cool water and the freedom. He lazes there thinking about nothing.

He becomes aware of a figure in the bushes some distance upstream on the other side. He paddles quietly into a position where he can see the figure without being seen. He waits. He thinks it's probably a person coming to the river for a little fishing But no, it's Tiffany Oh shit Where was Tiffany? Here she is It's breakfast at her house

She lives at the creek I was not expecting anything sexy at this point This is what it's all about I just want to know what Bom is doing Getting fucked. When Tiffany's father dropped dead with a heart attack two years ago. Backstory. That's backstory.

Just in case you were nearly going to come. Thanks for holding me off. I'm ready. She took over running the little property. She knew routine well, having helped her father all her life. Mrs. Fellows confines herself to domestic duties. Since Mr. Fellows died, she goes away every month or so for four or five days to stay with her sisters, Gladys and Avoca.

I don't know who those people a vodka I think I asked this last time but has your dad ever seen a porno yeah has he seen a dick this is like a trench give the record case funny like postcards even I've had a wank to postcards. What kind? What was on it? What kind of wank or what kind of postcards? Postcards. Regional Victoria.

I'm really hard for it. What kind of wank? A sad one. I had to have a nap afterwards. Keep reading, Tapper. All right, sorry. Clive hardly knows Tiffany. Usually seeing her briefly at CFA meetings

This is what he thinks the country's like They do great work To be fair, CFA stands for Can Fuck Anal The two boys pitched against each other in front of the parents. That's what Carl comes up with. And ironically, you win in that.

Well, in my case, it's cancer-free also. And Carl still wins Can't fuck anal Is better than cancer No, no Having anal is better Than not having cancer I agree

Kappa, go She attracts little attention there Due to her ill-fitting Dowdy dressing And unkept appearance. Yuck, Tiffany. Yeah. You're in the country.

Dress up a bit, you bloody hag. I love this because it's like it's taking so long because Dad's written so much and, like, he would love to be in bed by now and having to sit here and listen to his own work is keeping him. It's just great. Anyway, keep going. Act three. Oh, that was a quick act.

I know. What happened in the river? Nothing. Act two's over. Fuck up, Con. Did you just unkept it? If you ask me what happened in the first two acts, I have no idea. It doesn't matter.

Act three's all you need. There was a river. They were about to fight. Yeah, the river's about to come. What's Bomber's Red Rocket matter. Act three is all you need. There was a river. They were about to fight. Yeah, the river's about to come. What's Bomber's red rocket doing at this point? Tell you what. Act three.

I'll write the fan fiction of that one. Here we go. All right. Meanwhile, Clive watches the distant figure manoeuvring himself slowly along the riverbank, shielded by overhanging bushes. Bush. Bomber is now stretched out in the shade. Stretched.

Shit, yeah. And have a well-earned sleep following his busy morning stretched out in the shade. Shit, yeah. And have a well-earned sleep following his busy morning moving sheep. Busy. Oh, shit. That's what Bomber's

doing, alright? Moving sheep. Clive watches carefully as Tiffany sits on the riverbank. Here we go. How old is Clive again? Who cares?

Suddenly. Shut up, mate. Suddenly she stands up, pulls off her top. Whoa. Fuck yeah. Big bobs. Trousers. Yes. There could be anything under that top, guys.

Let's not get excited. Pulls off her top, trousers, undies and all. So she probably had other stuff. Did you say and all or ain't all? And all. This is good you say and all or ain't all? And all, yeah. This is good. So and all probably means... Get a photo of this cunt.

Hey, Carly. Hey, Harley. This is Maribor. Settle down. You're not related. You're an equal opportunity wanker. Mom, Dad, this is my friend Carl. This really feels like the ABC now, doesn't it?

ABC, ABC, always be coming. If it was realistic, you would have been using both hands. But anyway. Jesus. Really? Like that? That's a bit to the side, but anyway. All right.

I suppose it curves. All right. Anyway. How much? Which way? No, no. Okay. She releases her hair from under her hat.

It tumbles freely as if just brushed. Shafts of sunshine. Shaft. There we are. There you go. Yes. Here we go. I see what he's doing.

Flickers through on a smooth... Does it take this long for Morgan Freeman to read March of the Penguins? Fucking hell. Flickers on a smooth... Freeman to read March of the Penguins? Fucking hell. She stretches, enjoying the freedom of no clothes. This is bummer, yeah? Clive. It's Tiffany. He's stretched out, okay?

Clive cannot take his eyes off her gorgeous figure, the lovely breasts, and the fact she has not developed labourer's muscles. Thank God for that. Labourer's muscles, no, but labia muscles. Man, nothing prevents me more than busting a nut than seeing apps that have been picking up pallets all day. I feel like there's going to be a lot of knocks on the door

of mum and dad's motel room tonight just going, got a few questions. Yeah, from me. Nothing to do with the bonnet, just about Tommy. Just your child. Can I get in there? Let's review this. I know if you're a farmer desperate to see another woman

within a vicinity of a long time, it would be great to go, oh, yeah, not ripped, cool. Finally, I can try to pick her up. Is this in the porno? Anyway. If it's not, shut the fuck up and keep reading. Stop editorialising. Melbourne Comedy Festival.

You are fucking us harder than anything in the porn world. Nickcapper.com She sits on the grass and then slides down into the water. Clive is gobsnapped. Oh, he's gobsmacked. Here we go. He has never seen anything so beautiful. Clive's mind is racing. He does not know

what to do next. He could just swim along and say, Hi, Tiffany. Good day for a swim. Pretty smooth character. No, no. She would have been known

I had been spiring. He decides to very carefully... Did you say spiring? Conspiring? Sorry. Conspiring. Shut up. Okay.

The spiral shaming. Let's keep going with the thing. Sometimes people listen to podcasts on like double speed. Can you just talk in double speed now? I got so bored then. I forgot I was here. No, no, no. I genuinely did.

I was like, what are these cunts talking about? That is not... That is not me. I was just what are these cunts talking about that is not that is not I was just about to walk out for a smoke I was like fuck these guys

are boring oh I'm on stage have you told this is a true story when you got AGD tested yeah I had an AGD test

done once and I left halfway through that's the truth it was halfway through I was like like, fuck, this is boring. You win. No, you're a great guy. That's an insult. No, I'm trying to fucking read this.

Yeah, you're trying to read it. He decides to very carefully to go back undercover to a small bend in the river. He could then swim back there where Tiffany would see him as if he had been for a long swim down the river. Pretty could then swim back there where Tiffany would not would see him as if he had been for a long swim down the river. Pretty good plan. He would then

be very careful not to look in her direction. Climb out. Climax. Last page. Climb out. We've got half a page to go. Come on. Put Bono in the car and drive off. Drive. As he drives off.

We just sort of make it porn. There's no porn in this porno. I think this is just an O. O, I had a thought. I think he lifted this out of an R.M. Williams catalogue. It's like a John Williamson song, isn't it? Hey, true blue. He drove his ute down the road.

Is it me or you? Get the bass up. Oh, yes. Let's not. That gets me more rigid. Come on. Rigid. But anyway, that's my personal thing.

Is it mum or dad? It's just dad. He's fucked in the head. Is it mum or dad? It's just dad. He's fucked in the head. Is it a cock or two? Is it a cock or two? Is it not even a cock yet? We can do a past lovers list all night. Alright.

Sorry. Alright. That was me trying to be funny. It didn't work out. Nickcapper.com.au for tickets. Four tickets sold so far. You've exaggerated that. For comedic purposes.

All right, we can't all be on family. He had erect ticket sales. You're a massive ticket sale member. Okay. Pretend you're a comedian and do it. Clive drives home. That's fucking harsh. That's not harsh coming from Carl.

All right. So Clive drives home. His mind's still racing. Planning his next move. Yes. Here we go. Act four. Yes.

The classic. The classic Damien Higgity four act structure. The four act porno. Made famous by Shakespeare. Someone just said no and I agree. Maybe you should stop. There's not much left. The letter boxes for the properties are

on the main road at the corner of the unmade road. Oh yeah. The man at the petrol station says he has just served Mrs. Fellows as she was setting off for a voca. Right, it's time for the next move, he thinks. As Casual Clive stops at the

letter boxes and collects Broadlands Park, he then takes one letter for Winchilla from their box. Box! Yes! Yes! Box! Yes! Where's the shaft? go back to the shaft just say shaft box shaft box shaft box shaft box coming into Jinchilla this is this point this is a porno for sting to watch isn't it this will keep you on the hook for fucking 15 hours.

I'm waiting for the callback from the veranda. The veranda had a name. All right. Act 5. No! Jesus Christ. And also, we have another bit to do after this. And we have to do it, too. The whole town's officially closed.

Yeah. No, seriously. Quick, act five. Is this the last act? Yeah. Right, here we go, guys. Whip them out. Come on.

Dicks, beans, whatever it is, start working them right now because this is party time. People have walked out. 2017. People have walked out and they've driven from Melbourne. They're walking home. It's gone well. It's a great experiment.

You guys should buy a bar in Thailand. I could talk about that, but I won't. The evening was perfect. Warm but not hot with a pleasant breeze. Oh, here we go. Like tonight. I love Warm but not hot. With a pleasant breeze. Oh, here we go. Like tonight. I love warm but not hot.

That's just what warm means. Cold but not frozen. Yeah. If it was a hot breeze, I'd be like... All right, our job is to say things. You just have to read the thing from now on. Just read what you've got in front of you from now on. No, nothing else. It's great that he brought that up two hours later.

No more commentary. Read the script. Give a bit of justice to the script, all right? Okay, okay. It can be a drama then, you know. All right. So Clive sets off to Windchilla with the letter and a cold bottle of wine.

Tiffany sees him coming up the drive and greets him at the front door. He hands over the letter. Hey, I have your bottle of wine. Why don't we enjoy the nice evening on the veranda? Oh, shit! Yes! Fuck yeah Yes That is a sound

Of a hundred people coming Now that is a money shot And that's how you do porn V for veranda Author Is that it? Act six Okay but that sentence was not finished

Oh It says hey I have a bottle of wine Why don't you enjoy the nice evening on the veranda Would your mum like to join us? Oh Jesus I Whoa

Threesome Fucking hell I did a come and now I want to take the come back Hey enough about your first son Is there now I want to take the cum back. Hey, enough about your first son. Is there a way you can take the cum back? I've been seven years. You're a real Indian cummer. No, no, you're looking at me now.

Someone get his headdress. Cabba, cabba. It's like a harpoon cum. Quick. All right, so. We've only got the license on this joint until Tuesday. Go. Nothing's happening in Maryborough for another seven years,

so hurry up. Knowing well that she was safely out of the way with Gladys, she said, that would be nice. Tiffany seemed very pleased to have the company. Company. They finish the wine. Tiffany take him by the arm and leads him inside. I saw you at the river.

That's a great body and equipment you've got. Here we go. You would have not known that I was at the river watching you. That's fucked. That's not okay. You can't do that. Is that another Craig McLaughlin line? You actually can't do that.

You can't just... I know we're nearly at the end. Where's Percy? No, just keep going. Shut up. Did someone say my name? They throw their clothes on the floor. It's still bright outside,

so Clive goes to the window to pull the curtains across to make it just a bit dimmer hey when he finishes can you just punch me in the back of the head don't judge me it's what I need just get up and do it just just last word just fuck rock right there to the front bar you'll get one of them for free. Why, I'm Carl. Look at my flower t-shirt. No, but get ready for this, guys. We're ready. This is the last sentence.

Stop. Get ready for this. We're ready. Are you ready, Carl? Fuck. We're nearly there. Carl, you seem quite agitated. You don't seem in a pornographic mood at all.

If anything, you're blowing the buzz. Hey, you don't have to come back here. I do. What's the last line? No, no, no. Look, this is the last sentence. Oh, what? This is the last one. If the sentence isn No, no, no. Look, this is the last sentence. Oh. What?

This is the last one. If the sentence isn't, then they fucked, this isn't a porno. The last sentence. Well, you better leave the room. This is the greatest night of my life. Hasn't it been nights at this point? This is actually genuinely better than the Opera House That is

It's saying a lot That the Bowls Club in Mariborra Is better than the Opera House It's also a lie but anyway I'm having a great time It's saying a lot for the Opera House Come on Anyway, NickCapper.com before I say this last sentence

Alright, so anyway. Okay. He's at the window. That's one sentence. Who's at the window? Okay, so they're closing the floor. It's still bright outside. So Clive goes to the window to pull the curtains across

to make it just a bit dimmer. Yeah. He's at the window ready for action. And outside is Percy. Yeah, it is. Who winks at him Who wink At him

Who winks at him Oh that's the end Fuck You guys he was outside The whole time He was outside Not pervert The whole time

You know when You come And it just Kind of just goes Just like right At the front of your dick Yeah Like it doesn't even Get past your dick It just goes Yeah I know That's the kind of just goes, just like right at the front of your dick. Yeah. Like it doesn't even get past your dick.

It just goes. Yeah, I know. That's the kind of porn your dad likes. Three people just left. Yeah. Three people just left. So the end of a porno is someone looks at a dog. Is that right?

No, Percy. Is Percy a dog or a porno? No, he's not. No, he's not. He's a handyman. You stupid fuck. That's Bomber. No wonder you weren't into it.

Bomber's the dog, you fucking idiot. To be fair, I only heard the first hour of the podcast. Is Crunchy my wife or the cat? I can't remember. All right, well, that is the end of the porno. Give it up for Damien Haggerty. Take a bow. Do you want to take a bow?

No? Okay. It's so weird that a man who wrote a porno like that could produce his son with cancer. Like, it just doesn't add up. Just a long, drawn-out stagger towards the end. In a way, I feel like we all have cancer now. All right, we have one more bit.

We have one more quick thing to do that took us so long to organise today. So we have to get even longer than the porno somehow. We would bin it if it weren't for how much time it had taken. Look, we talked for a long time. Would you want to set it up't for how much time it had taken. Look, we talked for a long time. Would you want to set it up and I'll go over there for the big reveal? Look how enthusiastic Carl is. No, no, I'm just tired. So, so.

Just get, you know, whenever you're ready, she'll come pick you up like it's fine. Just let her know. So. She'll be back. We talked, we've talked for a while about, you know, I'm from Error and whatever, and there was like a little thing of the podcast where I... Are you from here? Yeah.

Is that why we're here? Yeah. Who are you? You Percy? It's fucking pin dust So I had a filing cabinet that I talked about like ages ago

Holy shit yeah And I lost the key to it in Barry's hole Is Barry here? And I know that sounds especially weird given that recently I lost some keys and found them in my Barry's hole. But anyway, Tommy, if you can help me.

We've got the filing cabinet here. Oh man. Yes! Finally, some real porn. Fantastic. I reckon you should make this episode a two-parter. Yes, come on. There's no way.

So Malcolm, the manager of the Highland Society here, promises that he's got a skeleton key that can open everything. So Malcolm, if we could get the key. This is it. We are fighting. How many years has it been? How many years has this been under? I think like 15, 20 years.

Holy shit. The exact amount of time it took us to read out Dad's porno. Does that skeleton key open everything? Can you test it on my chastity belt? This is it. This better not take too long. I've got a tent set up in Coburg. Fuck Harley, you're strong. This isn't going to be long. I've got a tent set up in Coburg. Fuck, Harley.

You're strong. This isn't going to be long. So what's in here? This is your old collection of Mad magazines. Wow. Yeah. I actually forget what's in here. So here's just for people who can't see.

He's labelled. There's three drawers. The first drawer is labelled. There's four. Sorry, four. Fuck. Good numbers, Sri Lanka. I'll make it easy for you.

First course, third course, fourth course. That's not fourth course, that's third. Hang on, hang on. So it's labelled A to M, then an entire drawer for M, then M to Z. I wonder where the Mad Magazine makes a feature. Wow. This isn't going to be like the end of that movie Seven, is it? What's in the box?

Gwyneth. Yeah, yeah. Slippin' Head's head is in the bottom. It's Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box. Don't say her name! All right. We're all tired. Let's get this over with.

Here we go. No, no, no. This is part two of the podcast. Here we go. I'm so excited. Fuck. All right. Let's see.

And then Carl's bottom became very close. We don't even know if it's going to work. This opens this as well. Let's see if the key works. Oh, it's gone in. He's able to... You saying it's gone in was sexier than anything in that porno. Oh, good to know.

Oh, it's really twisted around. Because this is the dumbest... Oh, it worked! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God, it fucking worked! than anything in that corner oh my god he's a fucking nerd Even from a man comic Even from a It's Mad Magazine Oh my god Hey, hey Listen What edition? That could be worth money The best We're all standing

Under the speaker That I said before soundcheck I bet we all stand Underneath that speaker And we are That is The first thing that's there Is the Mad Magazine

That printed my letter to Mad Magazine. Oh my god. That was the day Conor died. Carl Chandler has Doctor Who books. Nerd. Fucking nerd. Carl. Come on, let's bash him.

True or false, Carl? Did you have a Doctor Who scarf? True. He had a Tom Baker scoff yeah fucking nerd yeah where's you just had a baker scoff oh my god don't do that What is this? Happy anniversary. That's from an old girlfriend. Don't be doing that.

I'll read out the very top. To the sexiest man alive. Really? Is that what he said? Wow, you dated a blind woman. Good for you. What about this one of you? It's you with a photo of a child.

Looks a bit like you, Carl. Carl, who's that kid in the photo with a bit like you carl like cal who's that kid in the photo with you carl yeah what how who's the camera is that your camera who's that i have no idea what you don't have there's a kid there's a photo oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh did now this is watch out watch out here's something oh my god it's a VHS. This is literally a copy of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee's porno. Put it on! Put it on! Put it on! Oh my God.

We all need it. Wow, are you serious? Lend it to Tommy's dad, mate. Jesus. Hey, Malcolm, you going to VHS play on this joint or what? There's not more pornos. There's more. Don't.

Don't. So many ladies over there. Carl, come on. Just watch the porno. Here's a real porno. All right, let's watch the porno. Seriously. You guys hold Carl down.

We're going to read the shit out of this all night. This is the diary of Anne Wank. Fantastic. Nickcapper.com.au Oh my God. All right, all right. I'm locking this cabinet and putting this back up Barry's hole. That's worth a lot of money. That was some pretty expensive, mean like valuable put them in plastic sleeves and everything you're a fucking nerd you're a big nerd I was I used to

collect comics when I was a kid that's when you collect them yeah the doctor who books man what about that list? And your gun licence? What about that? Because you're clearly unhinged. Even if I get killed tonight, I'm happy I went this way. Fuck, I won't lock again. That's what happens with secrets, mate. It's out. Once they're out...

Malcolm, help me. ...like a big shit storm. Malcolm, don't help him. Look at Malcolm. He can't fucking help anyone. You're out, like a big shit storm. Malcolm, don't help him. Look at Malcolm, he can't fucking help anyone. You're fucked, Kat. Sorry, man. This is permanently open now. Just like it very soon.

I'm just going to have to stand here. All right. We've got to wrap it up. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much to all of you who made the trek up to Maryborough. Let's give a big round of applause to the Rookdryer singer, Dave O'Neill, Harley

Breen, Nick Capper, a cameo appearance from Brett Blake. Give it up for Tommy Dessler and an embarrassed Carl Chandler. Big round of applause for my dad, Mr Damien Haggerty. Stand up and take a bow, dad.

Take a bow. Dad, take a bow. Give it up for the Chandler. Stand up and take a bow. And welcome back. Hey, big thank you, big shout out to Malcolm at the Maryborough Violin Society slash Highland Society for setting this up for us and being

an absolute delight to work with. A champion host and we are recording this just after we got back from the trip to Maryborough and it was one of the most fun nights I've ever had, I think. Yeah, you know what? I think I always say this, but going to our shows, it's a real party, isn't

it? So, and especially this one where we had a ball of a time and a mammoth episode, plus then afterwards, the people, all the listeners that hung around at the end, we were looking for something else to do. We ended up going back to one of my mate's houses who lives above the bakery, one of the town bakeries, and he also has like a playground next door. So he just let us back in at like one in the morning. The plan was we went down to the bakery.

We thought, cool, we'll get pies and stuff. We walk in. He turns the lights on. There's a fucking huge playground in there. Yeah. Everyone forgets about the pies immediately. All of a sudden we're getting pissed in a ball pit. People are racing down the slide.

It was so much fun. It was a good playground. Yeah, it was sick. So we do that. And then because we've actually forgotten that we're in a bakery, all of a sudden your mate reappears with a tray of pies. It was the best. It was so good.

It was very funny to see such grown adults so excited. Harley Breen just was absolutely ecstatic running around this playground that was a little bit too young, a bit too old for his kids. Yeah, totally. It was amazing. Just lying in a ball pit with a beer is so good. Yeah. I don't envy him cleaning up that playground today, to be honest.

Beer in a ball pit, only thing that outranks it is beer in the pool. Right, right. It's a close second to beer in a pool, I reckon. Yeah. Beer in the shower, maybe a third. Yeah. No, it was great. And God, just the people fucking, everyone just running around going absolutely psycho.

It was one of the best overall experiences. We're talking about today one of the best overall live experiences apart from probably Thailand. Did we say this in the episode that both of the hotels sold out? Yes, we did say that our freaks yep yeah that's amazing yeah yeah it um yeah it was a it was a big boost to the marabou economy i'd like to think yeah um so thanks to everyone who uh yeah who trekked out heaps of people as we said in the episode traveled from uh from very far away to come and it was like it was great to see a lot of the familiar faces down there yeah and it was actually funny like you. We talk about in the episode about how there wasn't a lot of locals there.

There were locals there, though, because they all approached me afterwards to go, yeah, I'm here because I thought I'd come and check out what it is. Remember me from when I met you on the street when you were five? Great. Absolutely not. No. Great. There was one person.

I'll talk about it because they obviously don't listen but um they were telling other people this like i heard this story back and then they she finally confronted me yeah remember me uh no yeah that'd be right cool we're off to a good start remember when your dad when you used to go bottle digging with your dad and like oh god and you know and i'd go along as well and remember me from there. We were six. No, I don't. Yeah, that'd be right.

You wouldn't remember me. I'm like, it's 35 years ago. Not much has happened in the intervening years for this person, has it? Yeah, that's 35 years ago and like, oh, yeah, remember that great time we were out in the middle of nowhere digging holes for bottles? I've been trying to block that out. Precious memory.

Our parents met each other. Oh, did they? And my dad said, the Chandlers are actually nice. Oh, right. Very big of him to admit. Coming from the dirty old man that writes pornos. Yes, yes. Well, yeah, I found this out from a bunch of people

who were sitting near my parents. When we were reading out Dad's porno, he reached into his bag and he pulled out his own printed copy of it and was like reading along with it. Great. Very good stuff. Funny. Very, yeah, great. I get caught doing that sometimes when we do Rad Dad.

People say, you know when other people are reading their lines, you're mouthing along the lines with them? And I'm like, ah, shit. You loser. Yeah, I better not do that. Speaks a lot to the quality of Rad Dad that they're not focusing on what's going on. They'd rather do a bad lip reading video of you than pay

attention to the content. Totally. Speaking of appalling content thank you to everyone who continues to support the show on Patreon. A quick add I guess while we can chuck this in. I mentioned it the other week but but yeah, my album, my debut album is on sale. You can go to carlchandler.com.au or you can go to littledumbdumbclub.com

and download it for only $12 for a little bit of a best of. And it's selling well and it's getting good feedback. And I'm, you know, that thing where you watch your own stuff or listen to your own stuff and you cringe a bit or whatever. But it came out really well. I'm actually genuinely happy with it. When am I getting my free copy of this thing? You don't want a free copy of it.

I actually don't even have a copy of it. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I've actually got to go and get my own copy. Record one onto a cassette for me. I've got to get a copy because I might put them on USBs, I think, maybe. Yeah. Sell them at gigs and stuff like that if anyone wants a hard, hard copy. Put it on vinyl.

I'm going to outsource it to the Chinese. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, get them to sell me some ones for three cents back and just sell them at gigs for $1 million. Big fan of that. Yeah.

Outsourcing things to the Chinese. The Chinese. Big fan of it. Big fan of the Chinese. Yeah. I outsutsourcing things to the Chinese. The Chinese. Big fan of it. Big fan of the Chinese. I outsource my food to the Chinese. It's good. You outsource your food to the Chinese? Yeah.

I don't think I've ever seen you eat Chinese food. Yeah, actually, I love it. I don't think you like Chinese food. It's fine. I'll have it, but there's just better options. Okay. You know? It's, you know what?

Because it was the only exotic food in Maribor. Yeah. It's like, I had that option as was the only exotic food in Maribor. Yeah. It's like, I had that option as the one thing that wasn't meat and potatoes for a long time. So you've overdosed on it. Yeah, so I don't need that. One of your, I walked past a Thai restaurant that I know you quite like. Yes. I saw it was closed down.

How do you feel about that? Where? Thailander? Oh yeah, I know, it is closed down in the city. And you know what's funny? It's next to what used to be my favourite ramen place and that's closed down as well. It's a terrible location what you're talking about though, isn't it?

It's side by side. Yeah, it's a terrible location though, isn't it? Well, my ramen place, this was brutal. I think I talked about this on the show. I loved it. It was one of my favourite places and I went there and it was closed. I'm like, oh, that's a shame. And there was a big thing on the window like that had been a healthcare thing, like a health – what's the like standards of cleanliness or whatever.

Yep. And if you get closed down for that reason, they have to list on the notice on the door exactly what they found. So I'm there with my friend and he's like, get a load of this. And I'm like, oh, don't read it to me because I used to go there all the time. And it's like there were rats fucking in the soup. Oh, nice. Someone was doing a shit into the cups.

It's like I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Great. That's actually next door to a nice Indian place, a very small local run Indian place that I go to on the final night of festival every year. Really? Yeah. I did it one year and then went, oh, I like this, just sitting there by myself and calming

down. I think in between the podcast and then stand up in the live podcast. I've never heard you talk about this. Yeah. Well, I just did it. I've done it a couple of times and I really liked the experience. Wow. You can come next year if you like.

Thank you. That's what I was angling for. All right. Done. You can give me my free copy of your CD then. Great. That's your deadline. Great.

I'll do it one-on-one for you at the restaurant. Great. Yeah. And you can record it and have your own copy that way. I want to get, give me one and I'll give it one-on-one for you at the restaurant. Great. Yeah, and you can record it and have your own copy that way. I want to get, give me one and I'll give it an honest review on the show. Oh, God. All right. Then you can put quotes out.

You know, you can quote me, Tommy Dasolo, brackets, the little dum-dum club. Can I get a hundred word review with a star system? Yeah. All right, all right, sweet. You can, I'll give it to you and you can read out your review next week or whenever you do it. Why don't I write a review of it and I'll try and get it up on like a semi-legitimate website? Okay.

I'll see if I can use a pseudonym and convince a website to run a review of it. Can we just have a review section on littledumbdumbclub.com that only has that review? I, one year during the festival, I wrote a review of my own show on my website and then was quoting it in tweets and stuff. Yeah. Like, eight stars, TommyDassolo.com.

Yeah. It's not bad. Yeah. Okay. All right. We'll get on to it. All right. So, yes.

Patreon? Yes. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Thank you to everyone who supports the show. It is a way that you can chip in and get some bonus content out of us and show us what this little show means to you. Yeah, it just comes – It's greatly appreciated. It's a real culture, isn't it, now?

I notice more and more I sign up to little bits and pieces and stuff and it just comes out of your account and that's the way things are going, isn't it? What the fuck are you talking about? Have you just discovered commerce? No, but I didn't usually do that. I sign up to little bits and pieces. Yes, like the gym.

You know, I'm a member of a gym and have a personal trainer there and that comes out. Two different things come out of that. And then Dollar Shave Club, I signed up to that. So that just sort of automatically comes out. Did you use our code? I did. Yeah.

I did. Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah. Cool. Yep. So it's working. It worked on the hosts. Yeah.

I put a little bit of money back in. I'm going to sign up as well, I reckon Dumb Club. Yeah. Cool. Yep. So it's working. It worked on the hosts. Yeah. I put a little bit of money back in. I'm going to sign up as well, I reckon. Reinvest. Yeah. Yeah. It shows we believe in the products we talk about. How many things do you have, though? Because I use PayPal and I have a lot of – you get notifications when stuff comes out of

there. Right. So I have recurring payments for subscriptions. Yep. And I'll get – there's one thing in particular where it's every month it comes up hey this just came out

of your account and I go fuck I've got to cancel that because I can't use it and there's a PlayStation thing I subscribe to that's like 10 bucks a month

that for a year now I've been going fuck I've got to unsubscribe oh wow yeah do that after this show right now okay

I'll do it live on air yep do it but don't do that to patreon.com slash notdonald let's not be putting ideas in do it. But don't do that to patreon.com. Let's not be putting ideas in the listeners' heads. Exactly. Don't do that, for God's sake. Because you're getting the bonus content of the paid-for episodes, I guess, in a way.

And the magazine that we put out and stuff like that. And also a part of it, obviously, is that money goes towards the upkeep of the random name generator we have in here, Dumb Dumb HQ. And all the names of all the subscribers get entered into that by our lackeys, by our work experience people. It's worth noting that the Patreon is going really well. You and I don't actually make any profit off it because all of that money goes back into the upkeep of the random name generator. Exactly. So we actually don't see any of it. Yeah, it's a very expensive program. I'm not really sure why we use it to be honest we need the patreon in order to

fund a thing that we do for the patreon yeah we're making a slight loss at the moment so be good if more of you could chip in or if you have if anyone works at random name generator hq could you know we give you a lot of um you know shout out so maybe we could get some sort of sponsorship from be great if we're entitled to at least a free model at this point. Yeah. I mean, there's probably a lot of people out there that buy copies of the random name generator thanks to this show. So maybe a little bit of sponsorship wouldn't go astray in there at RNG HQ.

All right. So let's do how many names? Let's do five. Okay. Yep. Okay. Change it up. Why not? It's as good as a holiday, some people say.

Well, I feel like I'm having a holiday right now because I'm about to do something completely different. A holiday from good content. Yes. All right, let's go. Thank you, too. And look, let's just say hypothetically, maybe there's, hopefully there's no repeats in this week because, you know, look, it feels like there's a few glitches

in the random name generator latest update this week. You know, I would say it's almost akin to, I mean, you probably don't understand what I mean when I say there's a glitch in the program this week. I have a pretty good idea. Let's compare it to – to make your tiny brain understand this. Let's say it's almost as if I haven't brought my laptop here with the list of names that have been read out before. Right. It's like that. It's almost if the random name generator was a person, if it took on human form,

it would be the kind of fuckwit that leaves at home the one tool that it needs to do its job. Hypothetically speaking. Let's say the program's more like it was going to play indoor soccer and not really thinking about what was going to happen afterwards and was more looking for his shin pads. Wow, a robot that can play soccer. No, it wasn't a robot. I'm just trying to make your tiny brain understand what it is like.

It's the computer version of that. You're right, I do have a tiny brain. I'm always leaving laptops at places where they're not meant to be. Yes. I'm so dumb. This guy finally gets it. Great. So let's hit the button on the random name generator.

The button's a bit more bespoke this week. It's a bit more analogue. The cold hard button. Let's hit that button. And let's say that I reckon there's going to be some interesting names pop up this week because it's almost like someone's gone through the list and tried to pick really distinct ones that he can't remember ever having read out before.

Right, right. Someone with an impeccable memory, no doubt. Exactly, exactly. So thank you to Patreon subscriber Christian Magnanon. I don't think I've heard that one before. Good, phew. Magnanon. Magnanon I don't think I've heard that one before Good, phew Mag Magnanon

Magnanon Yeah M-A-G-N-A-N-O-N That's Magnanon, isn't it? Say it again M-A-G M-A-G-N-A-N-O-N Magnanon

Magnanon Magnanon It's fun to say Magnanon Magnanon Magnanon or Magnanon? Magnanon Magnanon fun to say. Magnanon. Magnanon. Magnanon or Magnanon? Magnanon. Magnanon.

It's definitely a transformer that's sponsoring us this week. Totally. Yeah, that's interesting because we had – didn't we have Optimus Prime comedy? Yes. A few weeks ago. Ages ago, yeah. Christian Magnanon. So a man has come to earth and transformed into a –

Generous human. Yeah, and plus a convertible car as well I think probably. Has come to earth and transformed into a… Generous human. Yeah. And plus a convertible car as well, I think, probably. It's a transformer that turns into an ATM. Yeah. Yes. And it's spitting out money at us. Beautifully done there, Thomas Dassolo, if that is your real name.

Very nice. Thank you, Magnanon. Thanks, Magnanon. Please be kind with us. Don't ruin our little planet. Don't crush our weak little flesh bodies with your hard steel chassis. Don't be a decepticant. Yes. Very good.

All right. Thanks, Magnon. Thank you to your Patreon subscriber. Khan Tran? Khan Tran. K-H-A-N-H. Khan. Yep Khan Tran. K-H-A-N-H. Khan Tran. Cool.

Khan Tran. Khan Tran. Yeah. The wrath of Khan Tran. In this case, the wrath is a positive thing. See, this is... He's given us he or she. Fuck, is Khan a boy or a girl name? I don't know.

Well, and then Tran is on the end, so – God. So I would say it's a – let's say a guy. Let's say a guy. The wrath, your wrath is a positive wrath. You have wrath – you've wreaked your – Is wrath never positive? Well, that's what I'm saying.

This is a rare positive wrath. No, but I'm saying is such a thing possible? Well, it is possible. This is what's happening right now. A positive wrath. You can't just decide something. You can't go, this is a positive bashing. Yes, it is.

Wrath is something you do to something. And I'm saying this is the one positive wrath. His wrath is he's gone, I curse you with this money. And he's given us money. He's cursing the money. He's gotten a $20 note. And he's like, I curse you with this money and he's given us money. He's cursing the money. He's gotten a $20 note and he's like, I banish thee to the Patreon of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yes, yes.

Never to be seen again until three days' time when it goes down to McDonald's. Yes, pretty much. Yep. The wrath of Khan Tran. Well, thanks, Khan. Yeah, thanks. You are a – You're a good man Good person

Yeah good person Pretty safe Alright Thanks Khan Thank you to Patreon subscriber Now I'm hoping After I've hit this button That this is something that hasn't been read out before

But Tommy you've got a much better memory with names than me For some reason Thank you to Patreon subscriber Farmy Balganon. See, the bad thing about, hypothetically, the bad thing about leaving the laptop behind would be that in order to make sure that their names that haven't been read out before, whoever was in control of the names would then have to pick,

you know, very exotic sounding ones which are typically quite hard to riff on for fear of being racist or offensive. Sometimes one of these is in the mix and that's okay. Yeah. We're doing an all on the edge of our seats spectacular this week. An all clenched buttocks spectacular. This is evil Knievel podcasting.

Farmy Balgahom. It might be hom, not non. I've just written them down. Farmy. F-A-H-M-Y. Farmy. I like it. Yeah.

I'm going to say I think Farmy is a lady. Yeah, I'm going to say that too. Farmy. Yeah, it's a softer name. Yeah. It's no Magnanon. Magnanon. But what's her name?

I'm putting, you know what, I'm putting out there that this is a human, not a transformer, this one. Yeah, I think that's safe to say. That is not a robot's name. But Balgahom. Balgahom? Balgahom. Balgahom or Balganon? Balgahom. Balgahom. Balgahom or Balganon?

Balgahom. Balgahom. See, that's kind of a... That's a rope. It was Magnanon and Balgahom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. Maybe that's a good transformer.

What is that? Farmy Balgahom. Is that... Is it Turkish? What's that? Yeah, I've got no idea. I do not care to speculate. I want you to speculate.

I care about you speculating. Okay. African. Wow, wow. Do we have any African subscribers? I hope so. Do we have any African listeners? Yeah, that would be interesting to know.

We'd have some South African listeners, I feel like, maybe. For some funny reason or not funny reason. I don't know. We got any listeners in Chad? Anyone in Algeria? Anyone in the Algiers? Write in. Let us know.

Please. Oh, yeah. We heard from an African person a few weeks ago, actually. We did. Yeah. But was that... I think expats maybe. Yeah, that was an Australian living in Africa.

Yeah, yeah. We get a lot of expat listeners. Have we got any true Africans? Yeah. Anyone from... Anyone from... Pick an African country you wish to have a subscriber from. Anyone from the cast of Roots. Yeah. Anyone from anyone from what's pick a pick an African country you wish to have a subscriber from. Anyone from the cast of Roots.

Fuck. Anyone from anyone from what's the circle of life cartoon? The Lion King. Yeah, that one. The circle of life cartoon. That one. How is the circle of life

easier for you to remember than The Lion King? I don't know I just remember the song One of the biggest films in pop culture history I've never watched it Who cares? I've never watched Roots but I know it Well why did you say Roots first before you said Lion King?

You've never seen Roots But also you going the cast of the Lion King cartoon, like that's not – there's no African people in the Lion King cartoon. There's African people in the stage production that they do of it. Right. Well, I was just thinking maybe one of the cartoon animals, maybe, listen, that's all. Zazu, the little bird.

Yes, my favourite character in that movie. Yes, voiced by Rowan Atkinson. Sure, I's all. Zazu, the little bird. Yes. My favourite character in that movie. Yes. Totally. Poised by Rowan Atkinson. Sure. I remember that. Farmy. Thanks, Farmy.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh, God. Fucking here we go. Hey, don't blame me. Blame the software. Thank you. It's not a very... Now I'm starting to see why we don't get advertising from the random name generator because we're not showing it in a great light most weeks.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Bailey Sweetapple. Oh, that's all right. I know Bailey. Do you? We've met Bailey. Have we? Yeah, we've met Bailey at a gig, I think in Perth, perhaps. Really?

Yeah. I didn't know that I've ever met a sweet apple before. We've met Bailey Have we? Yeah we've met Bailey At a gig I think in Perth Perhaps Really? Yeah I didn't know That I've ever met A sweet apple before Well mate You've chowed down on us Let alone Let alone Bailey

Of all the sweet apples You've taken a big old bite out of it Bailey I'm going to put it out there Bailey the sweetest apple of them all Giving us some coin like that Thank you very much The apple doesn't fall far from the bank

And then it walks into that bank and transfers money over to us. Yeah, that sweet, sweet apple coin. Thanks, Bailey. Thanks, Bailey. Thanks very much. We've got time for one more. Okay, this is it, number five.

This is it. Just before we finish, let's do one more. Thank you to Payne Shod subscriber. I don't know, I believe this is an American listener, which is good. Maybe our first Patreon subscriber from Las Vegas, but let us know. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Liberace Comedy. Do we have any other Las Vegas subscribers? Tommy?

Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy? Tommy? Tommy? What's wrong? Are you still thinking about Bailey's Sweet Apple? Oh, yes. Oh, I've got to say, I'm such a fan of the generosity of Liberace comedy.

Yeah. I might get surgery to look exactly like this man. He's just swinging one of the rings on his fingers every month, I believe. I believe that's the donation we're getting every month. Just a big shiny ring off his finger. Very generous of you, Liberace Comedy. How much does he chip in? One ring.

One ring a month. One ring. Yep. So do we have a cash value of that? No, it's up to us to go down to Cash Converters and see how much we can get for it. We're just getting a big ring in the envelope every week. Fuck, I hope this doesn't start a trend of people just supporting the show through things

that we have to hawk at Cash Converters. I don't want to have fucking skis and old Sega Mega Drives being sent to our house. Are you going to say no to stuff being sent to us? Yes. What if we do an offshoot of Patreon, right? So Patreon, what happens? It's a middleman.

They're taking a bit of a cut, right? They're taking a little bit of a cut. What if people start sending us, want to be part of the Patreon readout, but they promise to send us in objects every month instead? Oh, okay. That's not bad. We could do like garage sale month. Right. Where it's like send us your shit you don't want.

Or just good stuff. Like if you work at like a, you know, you work at a greengrocer's and they go, right, don't have the free cash to give you every month. I don't want Patreon getting their sweet cut of it. I want you to get 100% of what I'm giving you. So I'm going to send you 10 apples a month. That's not bad. I'm going to send –

Because if it goes through Patreon, then we only end up with nine apples. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, someone's getting a free sweet apple. And it ain't Bailey. So what if – pick a greengrocer, right? Well, what's something else? You know, like if someone works in a – someone sent us a pillow, pillows once.

Someone was going to send us a pillow every month and we'd have to read them out. That's right. Someone did send us a pillow, didn't they? We got a pillow every month. Because we're in the – I'm signed up to the Dollar Shave. You're getting your braces every month. You're getting a free pillow every month. You're just turning – you've got 12 pillows for the year.

How often are you meant to upgrade your pillow? I feel like that's a thing that you're probably meant to do semi-regularly, but no one ever thinks about it. Yeah. I don't. No. I wouldn't upgrade. I think I bought a pillow maybe five years ago.

I wouldn't have upgraded since then. Oh, no. I think we got that free pillow. I'm still using that free pillow. You're still using that free pillow. Yeah. I like it. Great.

Because it's one of those, what are they called? Memory foam. Memory foam. Yeah. Yeah. It's very nice. Thank you. If you still listen, whoever did that years ago, thank you very much for

that. I'm still using it. That was an early adopter of random listener generosity. Yeah. That was a very, you know what I mean? It was like, that was like a weird thing to happen. It was her and it was the kid who worked at McDonald's in Brisbane who said, come in and I'll give you free food.

Yeah. Yeah, we haven't copped any of them for a while, but I think we got – have we copped anything in the mail for a while? Maybe not. Not that we give our address out there that we can be easily mailed stuff. Yes. But you know what? Again, we're very happy to get the sidestep the middleman with the Patreon and just get the pure objects being sent to us every month

if you'd like to do that. Let us know what you can hook us up with like the um you know it's like subscribing to the you know like the book of the month club or the uh fruit of the month club or yes and whatever just get sent a bunch of whatever you guys have got for free that you work at some company and you can steal it from your work and send it to us every month well thanks liberace yep thanks liberace thank you for this bright shining ring that I've got right in front of me right now. Don't talk about me like that. What do you reckon I'm going to get for this ring, Tommy? At a guess, just looking at it now, I'd say $69.

$69? You've got a fine eye for jewellery. I know, thank you. Okay, well, we'll find out later. Thanks, everyone. I used to work at Kosminski's, so I know the value of these things. Did you used to work in the Bourke Street Mall and you'd have the banners on your chest, the placards,

and the little tucks and then the little headphone? My real last name is Zamil. Zamil. Tommy Zamil. Changed last name is Zamal. Zamal. Tommy Zamal. Changed from the great Zamal dynasty to Daslo. Exactly. Just so when people – you got up on stage, you weren't associated with fine rings anymore.

Yeah, didn't want people looking at me going, he doesn't need to do comedy. He's got that sweet fucking ring money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sweet ring money. Well, thanks everyone for supporting the show. We really appreciate it. And yeah, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club

if you would like to chip in and get some of our sweet rewards. And again, a follow-up on the Mirabar episode that you've just listened to. We had an absolute ball with all the listeners that turned up. It was fucking great. And we very much enjoy meeting you guys. And we met heaps of you guys after the show. Of course there's some familiar faces that we hung out with.

There's some new people that we met as well. So yeah, we'd love for any of those people that live in those cities that we've named that we're coming to shows soon to come and say hi and have a chat after the show and always happy to do that. So please keep coming along to the live shows.

Yep, great. Thanks, guys. Thanks for listening to this edition of Talking Dumb Dumb and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want.

It's up to you.