The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 384 - Russell Peters & Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: February 13, 2018

Usually when DILRUK JAYASINHA is on the show we say we have a very big guest, but this week it's true in more ways than one as RUSSELL PETERS joins us! The Canadian comedy megastar welcomes us into the most impressive hotel room we've ever been in and then immediately shits all over the intro and title of the podcast. We also try and help Dilruk with his weight loss and open mic comedy career, hear about some cubicle work from both our listeners and Karl PLUS FINALLY a guest tells us a story about the King of Jordan! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:BRISBANE: We're coming back for an afternoon of huge live podcasts! MARCH 10.ADELAIDE: God help us, we're coming back. Don't make us regret it. MARCH 17MELBOURNE: We've got a month of awesome live shows happening for the month of APRIL. KOH SAMUI: The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival is happening again in 2018 with guests The Dollop! JUNE 13 - 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with Dilruk Jaisingha and Russell Peters. If you're joining us for the first time, welcome aboard. We have some live shows coming up that you can come and see us at. Yeah, if you like this one, we are doing live podcasts of this nature. We're going to Brisbane on March the 10th. We are going to Adelaide on March the 17th. We are in Melbourne on April the 1st, the 8th, the 15th, and the 22nd.

And we are going to Koh Samui in the not-too-distant future for the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival from June 13 to 18. All of our live dates are on littledumbdumbclub.com along with my solo show, Cal Chandler's Shit List, and your solo show. Leisure Suit Tommy. And if you want to see one of the guests on this show, Dilraba Jai Singer, around the country at the moment.

Guys, these are the cities he's in very soon. He's in Perth, then he's in Adelaide, then Brisbane, then Canberra, then Melbourne, then Sydney. If you want to see him, you're in those cities, go to comedy.com.au for tickets. Awesome. So there's all the live stuff that we're doing in the not-too-distant future. Let's get into the episode.

Yeah, stick around at the end of the episode. We've got a Patreon read. We've got a bunch of extra stuff at the end of the episode. But for now, enjoy this episode with Dilwook Jaisingha and Russell Peters. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Oh, wait till you hear the name of the show. Hey, mates. Fuck, can we be professional on this episode with the guests we've got on? Fuck.

Yeah, he hasn't even heard the name of the show yet. Wait till he hears that. I don't know if he's going to hear his awful intro again. I'll take it from the top. As we say every week, hey, mates, welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club. My name is Mr. Fuckhead. And joining me is the other half of the show, Professor Dickinbutt. Yay. G'day, dickheads.

Should we actually clear up what our names are? I'm Carl and you're Tommy. Yes. Exactly. You're going to have a lot of new listeners for this one. Jesus Christ. Why, you don't want Professor Dickin' Butt on this? Can I be Foxicle?

Sure. Sure, Mr. Foxicle. Yeah. Well, yeah, we have two great guests today. First of all, Dilruk Jai Singer. Hello. Nice to be back here again. Oh, you lead with that one first, I'd say. Sure.

Better than opening with the big name and then going on to that. Also joining us, Russell Peters. Yes! The man responsible for having us in the most amazing room I've ever been in in my life. Well, Mr. Dick and Butt, you need to...

Professor, thank you. My bad thank you my bad check my degree take away your credentials we are in your hotel room and we're overlooking melbourne like i'm looking at melbourne like i've never fucking been here before it's insane up here it's a it's a very nice room it's quite lovely you seem like you're doing well for yourself well i mean i don't pay for it so it's great yeah is that window if this was on my dime we'd be in a very small room with a single bed is this window high definition because Melbourne looks fucking great from out there

I asked them to put the UV protection on it and thank you for being very accommodating with having us A for just having us in here but B for moving the time of the podcast for the sake of this fucking idiot dillrick over here because he had to host an open mic gig it was an open mic no it wasn't quite i got a show oh it must be

so we've wasted time and one of the biggest comedians in the world so you can go and earn a hundred bucks and host an open mic show you fucking idiot and it was a bringer show for people who don't know so what happened was Russell said we'll do the pod

at like say 3pm or like Carl was like whenever you want whatever time you're free and then Carl goes hey do you want to do it I'm like fuck yeah

and then I realized I've got this other gig on and I try to pull out of it it's like a it's a big comedy competition it's like the last comic standing which you know you've done but at the same time it's not like that at all it's wait that's that's a tv show it's not televised no no it's definitely not have you got the tonight show over there It's just the opposite of that. Yeah, yeah. You remember Rove? Yeah. It's not even close.

So I said, I can't do it. And then I went to your show last night, Russell, and then, you know, got invited back to meet you. And I sort of just said, oh, yeah, I was meant to do the pod. And you're like, yeah, what time works for you? I'm like, are you serious? Like, yeah, fuck it. So thanks to you, I'm able to do an open mic and do this podcast now. See, I'm just trying to further your open mic career.

He's now officially your sponsor child, I believe. These UNICEF kids fill out. What's it like back there, Dill? Talk us through a Russell Peters backstage situation. Yeah, let's ask more questions of Dill. I want to hear the perception before I start chatting in. to a Russell Peters backstage situation. The Green Room. Yeah, let's ask more questions of Dil. Yeah. I want to hear the perception before I start chatting in.

You've got the biggest brown comedian in the world and Russell Peters. Russell Peters and Russell Eaters. I don't think anyone heard that. Yeah. Oh, well, it's gone. It's fine. No, the Green Room was amazing. The Green Room's bigger than my Melbourne Comedy Festival venue

just the place you hang out before and after the show was bigger than that do you specify what's on your rider and stuff

because I went through it you know what's funny is I show up and all I really ask for is a bottle of scotch and KFC

and water and then I get there and there's all kinds of shit and I'm like well I'm not going to tell them no. That's the same as Dill except without the scotch and the water. Yeah, I'll quit drinking.

He just shows up with his own KFC. At least on his fingers. But that's the thing. I told these guys that Russell said yes. And they're like, are you serious? And then I sent them a photo of me eating your KFC with you in the background. I'm like, yeah, it's true. It's all happening. It's so super creepy. The messages

I've got from him so far while you've been here is him eating your KFC with you, a bit of miscellaneous background detail. Just to prove that I'm in his room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There he is. I didn't want to trouble you for every photo. It's like, that's

his equivalent of getting your autograph. He's like the hooker trying to get the husband in trouble. Sorry, I thought I was taking a picture of my food. The best thing is you don't even know I'm on a diet, actually. He said that was my cheat day. I'm like, that's a pretty good cheat day. I'm pretty sure you've been eating it even if it wasn't your cheat day, to be fair.

That's fair. That is my drop case. You've got good hair. Thank you. Jesus Christ. It's well fed hair. It's a lot of vitamins. It's grass fed.

So KFC is your go-to favorite fast food? I likefc out here okay it tastes like old school kfc that you would get in america back in the day but america somehow north america managed to change what they did to it it doesn't taste as good so then you come here and it tastes just like how it tastes when we were kids wow so we've got the actual herbs and spices still and they're fucked up they're still good yours Yours is still good. Yours is still good. Just as greasy and ready to clog your arteries as I remember. So we've got, what do you reckon,

like 10 years before we catch up to how they're doing it in Australia? Please don't change it. Yeah, yeah. Because these guys are McDonald's guys, and I've always been like KFC myself. I actually get, I think KFC Australia follows me on Twitter, which was like my biggest get when he popped up on my phone. I actually get, I think KFC Australia follows me on Twitter, which was like my biggest get when he popped on my phone.

I'm like, Oh, you know what happened in Toronto when I did Almost Famous when I taped it? KFC Canada, you know, on the buckets of chicken?

Oh, I'm aware of the buckets. Yeah. And they put my face on the colonel's face and made me a bucket of chicken. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. See, if you're black,

that would be racist. Yeah. If it was if you're black, that would be racist. Yeah. If it was tandoori chicken, it would be racist. From what I've heard of the Colonel, I don't think he would have been that into that. No, I don't think he would have been that. He would have been like, what in the hell is this Mexican doing on the street?

So, Russell, you're on this tour currently of Australia. You've done Perth, Sydney, Melbourne, and you have Brisbane coming up. Brisbane on, when's Brisbane? Tuesday? Yeah. Tuesday in Brizzy. No Adelaide show.

Oh. No, you know what's funny is the promoter's from Adelaide, and we always ask him, why not Adelaide? He goes, it's a shithole. Yeah. All right, I think we've found our wheelhouse here. KFC and fuck Adelaide. And I'm like, you know, I only did Adelaide once, and I was like, it wasn't that bad.

I mean, sure, they fucked up the fish and chips, but whatever. Oh, you wanted fish in that batter? I think the reason you don't do Adelaide is because you're here doing 10,000. You go to Sydney, you do 10,000 people. You go to Adelaide, and you'd be doing 250 people. And then I'd feel like you guys. Yeah, exactly. Oh, 250?

Wow. Slow down, all right? On a four-show week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Even when you just said the two before you got to the 50, we were like, fuck it, hell, this sounds great. But it is a running theme with these guys where they go on tour

to different parts of the country and Adelaide is the one town that you're close to, Carl, you're close to pulling the gig because you're so angry. Oh, man, they just don't buy any tickets early. They just think. That's exactly what I've heard. Yeah. Yeah.

That's exactly what I've heard. Exactly. And I'm glad you're saying that because we get a lot of shit people from Adelaide will say, oh, you're just making up this shit about Adelaide. No, fucking even Russell Peters knows this and doesn't live here. They don't buy tickets in advance. We can't take the chance. Yeah.

That's fair. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever works for you. I mean, I, you know, I just show up. Yeah. Any Adelaide says I'm there on the 11th Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever works for you. I mean, I, you know, I just show up. Yeah. Any adolescents. I'm there on the 11th and 12th of March.

Hosting an open mic. Speaking of nobody showing up. Hey, five bringers. Five bringers. And drawing his own face on a bucket of KFC as well. Yeah. Bailing on a podcast with Billy Connolly.

That's just a greasy stain. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the Shroud of Turin, but it's Dilwick's face. So, Russell, I was looking you up online and some stuff about you. You, before you started comedy,

this is how research works. I have a hell of a way to jerk off, but go on. By the way, this is Australia's Barbara Walters here, so yeah. You look great. You were a DJ before you started doing stand-up? Still DJ. You look great. You were a DJ before you started doing stand-up? Still DJ. You still DJ?

Yeah. Nice. 33 years now. Do you do DJing when you come and do shows like this? Do you look for a late night club after the show or anything to go and DJ?

I think I used to when I was a little younger. Literally now, I realize on this tour that my age has kicked in because I'm like, there's no after party. That's great.

Let's just go back and hang out at the hotel. Yeah, yeah. We used to look for like a bar or something even to go drink at, but I was like, ah, fuck it. Yeah, but you're like a proper, like I was watching clips of you. You're actually a proper, proper DJ. You're not a guy like that's the cliche around Melbourne or whatever. Oh, I DJ.

At a wedding. Yeah, yeah. Playing Grease Lightning. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I have done that. But you're like a proper, proper one. I go play every couple of weeks. I go play out somewhere. Like you hang out with DJ Qbert

and stuff like that. Qbert's a buddy of mine. Jazzy Jeff stays at my house. Do you know the Avalanches? Have you ever heard of a band called the Avalanches? No. They're like a big DJ duo in Australia and Carl went to school with them, and I think almost every other podcast he mentions them.

I've got to bring it up. The Avalanches? Yeah, they DJed at my wedding, no big deal. I'm sure you've got your little 10,000 seater or whatever, but I've got some DJs that you've never heard of DJing at my wedding. They sound amazing. They sound white. You got that right.

Why are you name-dro dropping them playing at your wedding? He doesn't even know who they are. He doesn't know who I am. I didn't know you were married. That's the impression. This poor guy with Down syndrome is probably never going to get married. Fucking hell. We've sort of gotten everything we need already, haven't we?

Cut this off here. Let's get back to Dil. Is this the quickest someone picked up the vibe of the podcast? Because this used to be a fairly normal chat and all of a sudden over the last three, four years it became a very roasty podcast. I think over the last minute or two. You know, Milan brought me some local scotch.

You want to try it? Oh, yeah, because we haven't mentioned this. Now, the link between us and you guys, for some reason, you know, we needed someone in between. It's not like we can just knock on the door of a hotel and go, is Russell around? We want to come play. Well, Jake would have introduced me to you.

Oh, yeah, Jake Johansson, who's your support? Yeah, who we know. But Milan, the legend of Milan is it's so hilarious when we meet people from overseas and everyone knows Milan because we all know him here. As a cunt. Yeah. Hey, hey, excuse me, take that back,

as a cunt who buys us drinks. It's true. He is a very thirst-quenching cunt. Yeah, yeah. Now, he's known around the world, isn't he, Milan? He is, actually, yeah. He's more well-known than the city of. Yeah, yeah. Now, he's known around the world, isn't he, Milan? He is, actually. Yeah, he's more well-known than the city of. Yeah, yeah. That's it.

Now, he introduced us to you. He seems to know everyone, and he's a bit of a legend on this podcast. No one sort of really knows him, but it's amazing how many people. You must have some Milan stories, surely. I think that's why he plies you with alcohol. Yeah, yeah. So you can't remember what the story was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then all you just remember is that face. And go, I wonder what he looks like without a hat. Yes. I've seen it. It's not pretty. Oh, wow. I didn't know you had cancer. Yeah, we're supposed to be making a wish for you,

not you making wishes for us. Hey, the cancer joke. Save it for him because he had cancer when he was 10. Yeah, thank you for bringing that up. I appreciate that. Which cancer? Anus. No, it's called aplastic anemia.

What the fuck is that? I'm sorry it doesn't have a funny name, but I'm just trying to answer the question. Aplastic anemia? Yeah, I had a bone marrow transplant. I was in hospital for two years. I'm 22. I'm just trying to answer the question. Aplastic anemia? Yeah. Yeah, I had a bone marrow transplant. I was in hospital for two years. I'm 22. I'm 31.

Yeah, so you've beaten it. Yeah. I meant the cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did jerk off while I was looking you up online. Yeah, we established that. Bone marrow's amazing. Hence where the term boner came from.

Very nice. I feel like we're under extra pressure because you've got some of your entourage here and it feels like if we don't keep up the laughs per minute, we're going to get chucked the fuck out. I mean, they don't laugh anyway. They're not that bright. But we call them push and pull

so they know how to get in and out of buildings. You do have some... We saw you at a bar a couple of nights ago when you showed up and you have a big entourage when you when you is that all every country you kind of have to have them around or we don't have to have it's just these are just guys i grew up with and i just had of an excuse to bring them around the world with yeah right yeah i mean i wouldn't hang out with them otherwise but i mean but they when you see them though you know not to go straight you know go make a beeline to you try to take a selfie like honestly it's more for this public's

safety than mine because i have a tendency to grab right i have a tendency to be a little handsy myself right right not in a not in a me too kind of way either yeah hey can we talk about this i i can't remember where I heard it, but somewhere on the podcast you talked about having a major foot fetish. Foot fetish. Yeah, foot. Sorry, I said it. Unlike you.

Fuck. How did I? Why did the chubby guy change it to food fetish? Even his tongue's fat. He couldn't say it properly. So do you like your chicken painted? What? Is that true?

Yeah, women's feet. Let's just specify that. All right, all right. Women's feet specifically. Yeah, how do you even get into that? I don't know. It's in your head. It's kind of like questioning somebody's gender specifications.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair, fair, fair. Since I was a kid. Not even like, you know, I was like, ooh, I think I should. So given the Indian heritage, when you go to India, you've got to always touch the elders' feet. You just get a boner every time you touch it. No, my family doesn't do that stuff.

Oh, really? It's made it a lot easier. And have you seen the feet in India? It's never good. If you're going to base anything off of that, that's the last place you're going to jerk off is India. Yeah. With the tours, though, again, you talk a lot about

dating heaps and sleeping around or whatever. I don't know what you're talking about. Given the number of countries you've traveled, you must have a fairly, like the passport in terms of sex. That must have stamped a few. I've had to replace a few passports

because of that. Getting on a flight. Can I see your passport? Well, I fucked this girl. I fucked this girl here. No, no, the travel one. If you guys were to play a song right now, there's a reggae song called Passport Buddy.

It's about a guy who just fucks so much, he's got the passport. They call your dick a buddy, so it's your passport dick. What countries have you got left? What, to have sex in? Well, you're to a Sri Lanka. Are you trying to pick Russell up? Yeah, yeah.

Did I get laid in Sri Lanka? I don't think I did. He's looking around. I think I came close and it just didn't happen. Oh really? So this is your big chance? You know what did happen in Sri Lanka which is really funny? We were there one time and it was Oktoberfest. I know. How is Oktoberfest in Sri Lanka?

It was pretty wild. It was very German. They had a German band playing and everything. And it was a good time. We were in this tent and we were in a little VIP elevated section. And we all got drunk. And some girl, everybody was leaving right in the alley, like the walkway beside us.

And I was drunk. So when I'm drunk, I point at people and laugh at them. It's just what I do. And so this girl walked by. And I point. I go, holy fuck, it looks like Snoop Dogg. Right? She really did look like Snoop Dogg.

That's my mom, man. And then her, what I guess was her boyfriend, was walking behind her. And he turned around and he gave me a look. And I was like, eh, beat it, stupid. I did one of these shoo, like I waved them away. And then we, what I guess it was her boyfriend was walking behind her, and he turned around, and he gave me a look. And I was like, eh, beat it, stupid. I did one of these shoo, like I waved him away. And then we're all laughing. And then a couple of seconds later, the guy walks back, right? And he's like, hey.

And he's like this, trying to, you know, come here. And I can't hear properly because the music's playing so loud. So I'm reading his lips, and I'm reading, I want to fight you. That's what I'm reading. Right. And I'm like, what? And he goes, I want to fight you. That's what I'm reading. And I'm like, what? And he goes, I want to fight you. I'm yelling down at him. I go, you will lose and I will break your fucking jaw.

And he's like, what? He goes, I want to fight you. And I go, I will break your fucking jaw. And he's like looking confused. And I could tell maybe something's going on here. So I lean in more. And he's like, confused. And I could tell maybe something's going on here. So I lean in more. And he's like, I want to invite you. I want to invite you out.

I go, oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said you wanted to fight me. Yeah, where would you like to go? Because you can fight, don't you? You did boxing for a while. I boxed for nine years. Did you have a black belt in something? No, I trained jujitsu.

I got a blue belt. Yeah, right. I train now. I still train now. I was have a black belt in something? No, I trained jujitsu. I got a blue belt. Yeah, right. I train now. I still train now. I was training a couple of times on this trip already. Trained in Perth, trained in Sydney. Well, this is something I'm struggling with.

Like when you go, like my tours, which is in front of like 30 people and somehow I use that. Is that a tour or is that an Uber ride? That's just the catering you order for dinner Because I'm trying to stay fit now Oh we can see

And when you say stay fit I think you've got to get there before you can stay there I'm trying to stay a millionaire right now I just don't know how No sorry go on with your lie Hey man I can do one push up I just don't know how to... No, sorry, go on with your lie. Hey, man, I can do one push-up. But it must be... I'd be impressed to see one push-up.

Yeah, yeah, I want to see one push-up. I can do one, I'll fucking do one push-up. Yeah, go, let's do it. Go on. Got one, here we go. All right, here we go. There we go. Oh, he did it.

Where'd your ass go? How are you that big with no ass? It's all in front. Yeah, I have a fat pair of balls. Your ass is on backwards. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about you, Dil. Oh, you have a skinny ass. No, he has a non-existent one.

Get the rest of the body in line with the ass and you'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah, it's catching up. My ass does a lot of work. That's why. It gets worked out a lot. Hey. Hey, yeah.

Looks like somebody's losing their title, Professor. What were you saying? You're trying to keep fit? No, no, I was going to say, so you train while you're on tour and stuff as well. So that's the thing. I feel like I need someone to force me to do something particular, like jujitsu or something like that.

You should go do jujitsu. I've never been in a fight. The closest I've ever come to a fight is someone. You don't have to be in a fight. You just have to go train jujitsu. Just because you learned it doesn't mean you need to do it. Man, all I have is my face and my hair. What's the one thing that's safe in jiu-jitsu? Your face and your hair.

Oh, really? Yeah, you're not getting hit. You're getting choked. Oh, I'm kind of into that. You might tap or just explode. One or the other. Oh, man. No, I'll get there.

Well, I've got a bet with a friend and we're trying to race to uh the he's 120 i'm 120 and the first to get to 99 kilos gets like a thousand bucks so i'm just trying to steal as many tips as i can so tiny jiu-jitsu is the best what are you doing right now for your workout uh kfc at russell peters green room no i'm started going for walks and i'm like trying to build towards running so i do like interval like three minutes of running and a little bit of walking and and trying to build towards running. So I do like interval, like three minutes of running and a little bit of walking and then trying to build to it. On a treadmill or just in the real world? No, just in a park.

In the real world. In the real world. Yeah, I mean, just walking more will get you. Yeah. Don't know. Don't know. I feel like... He's given up already.

He's not sure about walking, the one basic way of transportation for everyone. That's like a great idea, but what else you got? Do you know one way that involves the remote? Had a sick walk out through the foyer of this hotel before. Last night in the show, you talked about how you put on and it turned out to be thyroid. I was thinking maybe I should get my thyroid checked.

You're only 33. You're 33? 33, yeah. Yeah, it's definitely not your thyroid. How many thyroids can you have? Russell, so you would have made like a big boom, I guess, off the back of YouTube to start with. Don't say boom in front of brown people.

I'm not an Arab, so go ahead. Yeah, right, right, right. So YouTube really helped you out early days. You're one of the pioneers, I guess, of comedians on YouTube. What happened was in 2004, there was a lot of file sharing of my special. And a lot of group chats. I knew nothing about that world either. So lots of file sharing of my special from 2003.

And then in June of 2005, that's when YouTube started. And then somebody just plonked it on YouTube. And then bam, it was like a California wildfire. Yeah, yeah, right. Our equivalent, this podcast equivalent of that happening for you on YouTube is what people do is listen to the little dum-dum club on toilet doors. That's what people are doing at the moment. That's a good deal.

Doing it around the country. It's guerrilla marketing. Yeah, guerrilla marketing. We encourage our listeners to do that. To vandalize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've started getting results yeah people have started hitting us up going love the show i read about you on a toilet wall really yeah and now i've started i've listened to 50 episodes youtube

and you guys got poo tube what the fuck is wrong with people who who reads something on a toilet wall and actually goes home and listens to that advice? Who's shitting in public toilets? Well, not you. You're 40 floors above the MCG at the moment. Toilet's probably bigger than my apartment. Yeah, totally. The bathroom is pretty damn huge.

It's about the size of this room actually. Can we go and leave a comment on your door? Go do a push-up in the bathroom. So when Bill Gates comes in there next week. How many rates are in shit? Would they put, you listen to the bum bum club? It's poof, it's cum cum club.

We get it. Did you want to go through all the options? It's hard to pull out vomit. How do you rhyme it with dum-dum? Chun-chun-chun. Yum-yum. That's about close enough. Yeah, so we're literally getting new listeners.

So welcome everyone out there that has stopped at a truck stop toilet and I guess also has taken the advice of the ring-a-root thing. Do you have that in America? A what? It's what we call over here ring a root where people will say, it's like dial a fuck, I guess, but it's the local slang. You know, have you heard the word root in that way before? No, I mean, no.

Root means in Australia, fuck, sex. So for whatever reason. So the Alex Haley book Roots. Yes. Had nothing to do with slavery. There's a lot of Australians with half-masked dicks ready to jerk it. A lot of teenage boys bought that book and a box of Kleenex and were very disappointed.

I learned about slavery down the bush. Copy of Roots left down there by some older kids. Yeah, a lot of people, you know, we blew balls at the end, but a real appreciation of the struggle that happened. Ooh, wait, here it's getting dirty. Cunta. No, that's Cunta. So that's fantastic.

Anyone listening to this because they've read about it on a toilet wall, that just means that every week when you're tuning into this show, you're just constantly being reminded of this one shit that you took. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Out in public like months and months ago. One very bored shit.

Might have been a good shit. Might have been a good shit. Yeah, so when you think of us, think of that big shit you took. The Melton. People were already thinking of shit associated with this podcast anyway. People have their phones out usually when they're taking shits these days. So they say, oh, a little dumb. Okay, I'm just going to Google and see that. And then see, you know, who you've had on or whatever. Oh, this seems anyway. People have their phones out usually when they're taking shits these days. So they say, oh, a little dumb. Okay, I'm just going to Google and see that and then see, you know,

who you've had on or whatever. Oh, this seems legit. But the more impressive thing I think is the people that are bringing pens into the toilet and actually writing it on the wall. Speaking of toilets, you told me a story a couple of days ago, Carl. I don't know if they should bring it out. Best segue I've ever heard. No, listen to this.

So you used to work for the AFL, right? In like an office environment. Oh, yeah. Can you tell us about Cubicle 5? Oh, fuck. Is that the shitter? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a toilet cubicle.

We used to like have a code word of if we were going to go and masturbate in the work department during work. And then we'd come out and say to the boss, sorry, I've just been in cubicle five. And that was the code. That's ridiculous to me that all the guys in the office would occasionally go and jack off in the cubicle. Like I've done it as an accountant, sure, when I was there. What's wrong with that?

Just having a code word. I don't go tell my 70-year-old boss, by the way, just jacked off in the cubicle. Like I've done it as an accountant, sure. What's wrong with that? I'm just having a cold word. I don't want to tell my 70-year-old boss, I, by the way, just jacked off in the ledger. Well, that sounds crude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you might think you're talking about Heath. Yeah. So all your colleagues knew what that meant,

but the boss didn't? No, the boss did. The boss did know. Yeah, the boss loved it. What do you love about it? The boss, a male or a female? Male, yeah. The boss was the most happiest about it. He would say to about it? Was the boss a male or a female? Male, yeah.

The boss was the most happiest about it. He would say to me, I'd come back after a long time, he'd go, was that cubicle five? And for the record, tell the listeners where you met your wife. Cubicle six. Surely. Yeah, yeah. She heard what was going on and went, I want a piece of that next door. Yeah, yeah. You've got to go back into your old work and leave an ad for this podcasting. Oh, yeah. She heard what was going on and went, I want a piece of that next door.

Yeah, yeah. You've got to go back into your old work and leave an ad for this podcast. Oh, yeah. People are in there for a long time. Yeah, yeah. Well, I won't need the pen. Yeah. I want to ask you this, Russell, because a lot of comics talk about how when you go on tour with your support acts,

you treat them really well, right? You have to. No, no, no. But when you think that, see, with these guys, they have got their podcasts and occasionally they will take me with them interstate and stuff and all they've given me is, I don't know, internalised fat phobia. That's probably all I know.

That's very nice of you to suggest AIDS when you look at him. How big did you think he was 12 months ago? He's dyslexic, Ace. He's got HIV-E. Five. But you give them presents and stuff, don't you? Yeah, I mean, eventually. It's not like,

hey, welcome here. You fly them first class. It's all based on the budget. It's not like I do it because I would do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you fly them first class. It's all based on the budget. It's not like I do it because I would do it. We're making enough money where we can do that. Right, right. But if the budget was lower, I mean, they'd be treated accordingly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As would I be. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I've noticed that on your Wikipedia page, and I don't know if this is a new thing and there's only a few people that they're doing this with, they've got your signature. They've got your signature.

They've got your autograph on your Wikipedia page. I know. It's weird. I looked at it and it is technically my signature, but it's an old one. Right. It's one that I don't use anymore. Why did you have to change your signature?

Just because they put it on Wikipedia? I always did. I just always change my signature. Right, right, right. And when I sign things now, I never actually sign with my signature. I spell my name out like I'm tagging, like I'm doing graffiti. Right, right, right. And when I sign things now, I never actually sign with my signature. I spell my name out like I'm tagging, like I'm doing graffiti. Right, right, right. But I'm going to start tagging, listen to the Dum Dum Club.

Yes! Everything you've said makes it sound like you just do not know what a signature is. I change it all the time. My signature is so shit that I always change it. My brother always looks at me and goes, the fuck is wrong with you? Literally, I'll sign something and go, what the fuck is wrong with you? My brother's got really good penmanship, and he could draw.

He was the talented one out of us. He should design you a new signature. Well, he should just handle it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's the manager. He knows what I'm signing. That seems like such a weird security breach just to put your autograph on Wikipedia.

Yeah, it was weird, but I looked at it, and I was like, that's old. It doesn't matter. Right, right, right. I look like a 13-year-old boy who signed that. I spelled it out. Russell Peter. Yeah, it's just used in case. It seems like there must be

Russell Peter impersonation out there that just go... Right here. They're just double-checking your signature. For people who are like like I got this autograph thing did he really sign it they'll never know because if they look at that one and they look at the one

I signed they're like this isn't even close yeah you're really fucking up the autograph market out there that would be great I kind of want to make sure

they don't have enough to make money on yeah yeah great it's like a season of wine this is Russell Peters signature 2010 and it's like that's a rare one

it basically is yes I do like the idea of claiming you're an impersonator of someone. You don't look or sound anything like them, but you can just nail the signature. They're like, you don't look or sound anything like Bill Gates. It's like, get me a piece of paper.

I'll show you the money shot. Have you seen Wikipedia? I think I am Bill Gates, yeah. Well, Russell, we haven't talked about this for a while, but we used to have a long-going thing of our listeners vandalising the Wikipedia pages of us and some of our guests. Is there anything you'd like on there? Any requests to make of the people

listening? I think there's enough impressive stuff on Russell's Wikipedia page. He doesn't need anything on there. If they want to add under personal facts, has an enormous penis. I'm sure somebody will go correct it and change it to is an enormous penis. Yeah, but then they need to verify it.

They need to have citation in there. If anyone wants to vandalise my Wikipedia page and at the same time create one for me, that would be lovely. Didn't you have one created and then someone deleted it? Three different people have created ones for me and then the Wikipedia people go, who the fuck is this cunt? And then take it down again. Wikipedia keep knocking it back.

It's insane. What kind of a name is Cubicle 5? No, but the annoying thing is Tommy's got one and it stays up. I can't get one. How the fuck does he get one and I don't get one? What are we talking about here? Yeah. It sounded...

Wikipedia, sorry. Tommy's got one and it stays up. Well, he's younger, so it makes sense. At your age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have one, Dilruk? Do you have a Wikipedia page? No, not yet. Okay, that's good. How you have one, Dilruk? Do you have a Wikipedia page? No, not yet.

Okay, that's good. How do you spell your full name? Dilruk, D-I-L-R-U-K, and then Jai Sinha, J-A-Y-A-S-I-N-H-A. Are you a Fijijian? No, I'm Sri Lankan. Oh, that's what I thought. I made you think I was Indian just so you'd talk to me. Actually, technically, my mom is Indian.

Her parents are from Kerala, so half, that's enough. What is the traditional relationship? And your dad is what? Single-ease? Single-ease, yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, my mom and dad were in town last November. And dad was really, like, it's the first time they've seen me perform. So dad was showing up like four days straight to gigs.

And then one Saturday night, he goes, oh, I'm just going to take it easy. I need a break from comedy. I'm like, fair enough, no worries. And then he shows up at an open mic during time. So I go for a shower. I'm going to leave in the room and then he's sitting in bed watching your special on Netflix. I'm like, oh, so when you wanted a break

from comedy, you want a break from my comedy? He's like, oh, this guy I get. This one. This is comedy. Wow, he's brought a lot of people to his bring a gig on this show. And dad's like, so son, you do performance art. How's the spoken word going? But I do get that.

Whenever I go to Sri Lanka, they go, I say, I do stand up. And they go, oh, do you do Russell Peters? Like they think it's like a tabarak. They think it's just like a band. He's already said he's never. a band that I can just pick up. You know what I was shocked about in Sri Lanka? There's a lot of pretty women there. Thank you.

I contribute a lot to that. There's a lot of hot chicks in Sri Lanka. Really? And hot older women. That's the more impressive part because usually Indian women just fall apart. But these Sri Lankan women managed to hold it together. What is the traditional relationship between India and Sri Lanka?

It's not a bad one. I mean, there was a little time where the Tamils were trying to kill Indians or something. There's a whole civil war, but India was the peacemaker between all of that. But I think the relationship is India is the bigger superpower, and Sri Lanka is like the little brother that you guys like to tease and bully.

If you were to piece the world back together you could tell they just broke off yeah yeah totally and and i would think that india should be closer to the tamil people because that's our language yeah and and we're like well that's got to be our people then yeah thousands of years there were a lot of fighting and stuff like that but now it's a thing of like sri lanka has the majority of tourists all from India now. And they love it. Yeah, Sri Lanka's really nice. Right, yeah. And that's where Duran Duran shot all those videos in the early 80s for, like, Rio. Girls on film?

All that shit was all shot in Sri Lanka. Girls on film is in Sri Lanka? Yeah, watch those videos. They're all shot in India. There's, like, boobs in that video, isn't there? Those aren't Sri Lankan boobs. No, no, they were real ones. They were.

video isn't it? Who's on Sri Lankan boobs? No, no, they were real ones. Listen, not all boobs look like yours. Some of them have small ones. So is Sri Lanka, India, maybe a little bit Australian, New Zealand? Yeah, yeah, I think so. Maybe Canada, America, is that similar even? Like Canada sort of always gets compared.

India is a huge country and Sri Lanka is a small island. Right, right. And, you know, Canada is physically, geographically a larger space than the United States, but we just have 10% of America's population. Totally. Well, I kind of, I used to always not tell people that I'm half Indian because I was like for my Sri Lankan heritage. But now I was like, I'm not sure I can hear it. But now I'm like,

man, there's 1.3 million Indians. I'm going to start barking up that tree and maybe get some of that. It's not like there's a huge difference between us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just that their food is ridiculously spicy. Right, yeah. Even Indians go,

this is a border shit. Really? They have this one dish that made me try. It was fucking delicious. Devil beef? What is it? Devil beef? It was like a bread type of...

Oh, kottu. Don't call me names. I'm just kidding. You're a fucking kottu. Yeah, it's like a chopped up roti. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a stuff. It's hotter than dog shit.

It is. I haven't tried dog shit. Yeah, yeah. Is that an Indian thing? Famously spicy dish. Vegetarian dog shit. Right, right, right. What do you think vindaloo is that's where the loo comes from right but yeah no we do love our spicy food it's really like

it was like delicious but like oh man yeah the next day my asshole remembered it yeah yeah yeah it's one of those things i don't sort of i don't mind hot food but it's that thing where people chase hot food where it's like i want to be in pain. I want it to be tasty. I don't need my fucking insides to be on fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Are you like that? I love spicy food.

I can't handle it, but I love that thrill of like, I don't know. There's something just conditioning as a child. Like you just eat so much hot food. You just think that's what. Do you agree that Sri Lankan is hotter than India? Yeah, definitely. Definitely. I think maybe South India. It's further south you go.

In India, it just gets hotter and hotter. And then you get to Sri Lanka. And they're like, oh yeah, watch this. It's lava. Like my brother, he lived in Europe for a year and he was working in an office and he'd have a baguette but then have like green chilies that he'll just chew on. Like he'll bite into the baguette.

Oh yeah, my dad used to do that. Eat chilies while he was eating his dinner. Fucking hell. Wow. That's just showing off. I mean, I have to take Nexium every day like you'll bite into the baguette oh yeah my dad used to do that eat chilies while he was eating his dinner fucking hell wow that's just showing off I mean I have to take Nexium every day because of all the I do

I have the reflux as well oh really so you said this is it broke my mind because you were talking about acid reflux and I realize you're right it's a

it's a South Asian thing that we constantly get acid reflux yeah there's no way you can avoid it but you know what my doctor told me I said I can't stop it. Get out of here?

No. I swear to God, this is what this cunt said. He said it's because my stomach's so heavy, it's pushing down on my esophagus, and it's pushing the acid up. I could see that too, because my reflux got worse the bigger I got. Oh, man.

My doctor just wants me to lose weight. Yeah, everyone does. I mean, you don't look terrible. Hey, Russell, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, all right? You know, he's awful, but not terrible. It's not like I look like I have Down syndrome. I mean, you can lose the weight. He can't.

But Sri Lanka yeah it's interesting you say that because Sri Lanka seems like it's like the new tourist mecca maybe coming from Australia because it's always been like Thailand and stuff like that

now it seems like it's gone beyond that too there's a lot of like and there's some good surfing there right yeah yeah people love the surfing and stuff you don't know this but these guys

went to Thailand last year and about like they took the podcast there. We have a podcast festival called the Koh Samui Podcast Festival. Is it in Koh Samui? Yeah. Hey, this guy's heard of it. This guy gets it. Yeah, this has got to LA.

He's very quick on his feet. Can't put anything past me. The podcast festival has one podcast. It's this one. Yeah, we got the gig. I assume you're going to say congratulations, so thank you, Russell. And the sponsors paid for everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sponsored by the bathroom tissue. So, yeah, we are going back again this year. We do a... Second annual. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And believe it or not, it's selling better than Adelaide at the moment.

More commitment. Yeah. When is it? It's in June. Oh,ide at the moment. More commitment. When is it? It's in June. Oh, it's too bad. Yeah. I've got a feeling you were going to say that any day. I mean, we're going to be in Thailand next month. You are too.

Yeah, fuck. That would have been a good guess. That would be amazing. A real coup for the directors of the Coastal Week Podcast. To be honest, I wasn't thinking about Russell. I was just thinking, fuck, imagine being in Thailand next week. That would be amazing. A real coup for the directors of the Coastal View Podcast Festival. To be honest, I wasn't thinking about Russell. I was just thinking, fuck, imagine being in Thailand next week. That would be awesome. You're looking for investors for something at the festival.

Me too. The bar. No, no, no. It's taken care of. Oh, really? Yeah. We're buying our own bar in Thailand for the festival. What do you mean you're buying it?

We're getting a bar. We want a little dum-dum club own bar in Thailand for the festival. What do you mean you're buying it? We're getting a bar. We want a little dum-dum club themed bar in Thailand. And you're going to keep it going? That's the plan at the moment. Okay. Yeah. So it just sounds like you're using the podcast as a ruse for your new business adventure. This guy gets it again.

Do you want to invest? Like, I don't know. No. Maybe just one of your watches or something will probably cover it. Don't beg the guest for money, Dill. It's very unbecoming. You're Sri Lankan. Have a tsunami or something.

And there goes my Sri Lankan fan base. You fucking invest. How about you just don't eat food for a week and give us that money? How many bars are you opening? you fucking invest how about you just don't eat food for a week and give us that money what do you think how many bars are you opening apparently you're starting a chain I said we want to open bars

not fucking McDonald's but what do you think does this sound like a sound investment idea to you? I've never been to Koh Samui, so I can't say. I've only been to Bangkok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a little beach island. It's quite nice and resorty, right?

Yeah, yeah, it's really nice. So we've sold out like an entire resort at the moment. So to be clear, we have no locals going. No, I didn't think you would. No, no, no. We have people flying from mostly australia and from around the world to go there and we did we did one last year and we had about like 100 people there but this year we've sold out the whole resort so now we're like how many people

is that it's like it's it's getting up to 300 that's good yeah and now we're like starting to go this is fucking stupid this we kind of need all is going from you guys? Sorry? How many of you guys are going? Well, me and Tommy, and we haven't booked guests yet. We're doing another... If you do an open mic thing, it goes... Yeah, yeah. No, they took me last year.

He did go last year. So I'll probably fly myself off. I'm still going to be there. Yeah, literally. Treat our festival like another open mic gig and get yourself there. Yeah. I think you'd like it, Russell.

The beaches are beautiful, the beers are cold, and the KFC is real retro. It's that real old-school. They don't even use chicken. It's so retro. It's KFR, Kentucky Fried Rooster. No, cat, I think. So they don't have to change anything.

It's fine. So I'm getting that word. I think we need to if if your security aren't doing anything in june maybe we could fucking get them yeah jesus it's it's because our fans are i don't know what your fans like like they're probably quite nice and mild-mannered and and for the most part yeah yeah do you have any crazy ones no not so much yeah yeah we have nothing but that so crazy yeah i find a lot of podcast uh fans are pretty nutty yeah yeah i do a lot of podcasts and every time i meet people like hey man i heard you on kill tony and i'm like oh cool yeah can

take a picture i'm like yeah all right it's weird yeah because i've never actually listened to a podcast before yeah obviously the dumb dumb one i'm definitely gonna listen well after we leave an ad in your toilet, you'll totally remember. Written in the blood that came out of your ass, you're eating Sri Lankan food. I like that you said that podcast listeners are nutty, and then you described just a totally normal interaction with a person. Someone went, can I get a photo? He said, kill Tony.

There's no podcast called Kill Tony. Did you just discount it? Yeah, but your family, like yesterday's show, there was a girl who was like six years old or something in the crowd. That was crazy. I felt really bad. Because you just talked about clits just then at that point or something like that. I was right in the middle of faking an orgasm.

Yeah, and then you go, there's a six-year-old girl in the crowd. A little Asian girl. To be fair, she was surrounded by 10,000 people, so it probably didn't matter. If there's a six-year-old girl in our crowds, it's half the crowd. It's a lot different there in that circumstance. Have you had any parents complain or some shit?

Like they come to the show thinking that it's this family-friendly... No, it's not advertised as Disney on ice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's right on the ticket. Adult material, content, you bring your kids at your own risk. Yeah, yeah. It's weird. Imagine having a six-year-old as a fan of you. The kid wasn't a fan. Adult material, content. You bring your kids at your own risk. Yeah. It's weird. Imagine having a six-year-old as a fan of you.

The kid wasn't a fan. The father wasn't. He was just a shitty dad. I love that. We get that a bit through Facebook. You know what I think? I think it was his weekend with the daughter. And he was like, fuck, I want to go to this show, but I don't want to lose my kid. Come on, sweetheart, you're going to see something new. Love the experience of getting hit up by listeners like, oh, would it be okay for me to bring my 13-year-old to your thing? It's like, I don't know what your 13-year-old's like.

I don't know what kind of parent you are. As if you're meant to somehow. You've heard what we've talked about. That's up to you now if you want to bring a 13-year-old. Yeah. 13. And absolutely. I'm if you want to bring a 13-year-old. Yeah. 13. And absolutely. I'm happy for anyone to bring any kids.

We'll take all the fucking tickets as we can. We are not picky. If they're in the shitter and they see the name on the wall and they want to go, fine. Up to them. I'm more concerned that there's 13-year-olds in truck stop shitters. Yeah, yeah. Even worse, cubicle five.

They've got to learn somewhere. That's where the kids are made. That's when they're most keen for Cubicle 5 at 13. Do you know if that legacy still continues at your old workplace? I might ring up the AFL and say, do you still wank in the end, Cubicle? I'll find out. You've got to start a Cubicle 5 everywhere.

You've got to franchise this. What is AFC? AFL. It's the Australian Football League. Have you seen Aussie Rules? That's the real stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the pussy American stuff.

Oh, sure. Hey, your words. That Aussie shit is real. I'm not a fan of those kinds of sports, but that one I'll watch. I'm like, well, these guys are actually tough guys here. Yeah, yeah. What's his hardware shoes

that's his protection he's got shoes on yeah yeah yeah totally well I was gonna ask is like for you because obviously the early years

when you started before the things kicked off back in the 80s back in the 80s being the only Indian guy Indian guy working the scene

and stuff like that did you get like people like shitty heckles because last year I got someone yelled at me, go fuck off 7-Eleven, which I thought was very clever. Somebody really hates convenience stores. Yeah.

I think he was just guessing your weight. Was it a person or was it scales that said that to you? Yeah, like, was it... Yeah. No, because, like, I mean, obviously now that you're big enough that you sort of don't, like, people do respect you when you're on stage, but surely the early years there must have been some horror stories in terms of getting...

To me, here's the thing. I grew in canada in the 70s and 80s so i was a victim of a lot of racism growing up so that's what shaped why i talk about the things i talk about right so then when i was doing stand-up in the 90s it started to change people's perception like people just you know racism really just comes from a place of i don't know what the fuck that is so it scares me. Right. And then by the 90s, people were like, I'm sort of figuring this out. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. You know, they think it's going to turn into Planet of the Apes or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I would get the shitty heckles here and there. One lady was getting kicked out of my show, and she said, fuck you, nigger. And I went, what? I what i was like at least you know heckle me racially correct you know what i mean and i was like it rhymes with wacky but like so and now like because i've heard you talk about some of the the weirder gigs that you get invited to like you know like the like the rich people around the world like what's this the craziest like have you done someone's some kid's 16th birthday party for some rich i try i shy away from a lot of those things but you know there was one one of the princes

oh yes saudi arabia oh there's over 300 princes there so i can't say which one but um he had asked me to uh come and do a private show for him. Right. And so I went to the palace, and I walk into a room, and it's like him and 11 guys. And I go, oh, shit, this is the gig? Yeah. And I thought, they were sitting around like this. And there was a big, giant, 100-inch TV right there.

That's a sellout night for me. And I go, oh, I guess I'm going to stand here. And they go, no, no, sit down. So I sat down and I just made fun of the whole group for an hour and a half. And then the prince was like, okay, let's eat. That's it. That's the gig. That was the gig.

Oh, wow. And he paid us a shit ton of money. And it's just like this gig here, except we're not paying you anything. A shit ton of money. Wow. Like a shit ton of money. And then he's like, do you want that in cash? I'm like, no.

Oh, fuck. Are you walking out of here with a quarter million dollars in cash? Oh, shit. Fuck. All right, mate. We've all got stuff going on. I'm like, can you just wire that? I think it's safer.

Hey, who books that? Is there an open mic that he runs as well? That's where it's just him. Didn't you get like a crazy escort? Like wasn't there an army tank once? No, there was no. But I like how these stories go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, when we're in like in Jakarta, we get like a police escort. Oh, okay, okay. And the cops literally get like four motorcycle cops, two beside you and two in front. Oh, sorry, one in front, two beside, and one behind your vehicle. And the cops just, it's literally like there's so much traffic, but the cops kind of just spread the people out. They start zigzagging their bikes and getting people to move out of the way

and they're beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And we just come straight through. It's really pretty dope. It's not really unnecessary, but fuck is it exciting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like I'm like, we better get a police escort or I'm not doing the gig. Yeah, yeah.

We get there, we get a police escort and I'm like, this is really cool. Fuck. Let's get ourselves a tuk-tuk escort. In Thailand. Fuck yeah. Yeah, inspired by that. That would be awesome. Let's get ourselves a tuk-tuk escort. In Thailand. Yeah, inspired by that. That would be awesome. Let's do that. Not bad. Full motorcade. Can I just ask about that story? Was it the King of Jordan or someone like that?

That fucked with... Are you asking Russell or me? No, that was the King of Jordans. It was the guy who had all the Air Jordans in the world. Actually, did your website get hijacked by Jordans? My website lapsed and someone stole it to sell fake Air Jordans on my website. If you want to go to carlchandler.com and get some sweet fake Air Jordans. Did you not get your website back?

I had to put AU on the end and got it. Because now they're trying to sell it for $10,000, which it's not worth that. I don't think even the fucking Sultan of Brunei or whoever you did your gig for is going to buy that website. But we're sorry. Yeah, sorry. Wasn't there a story with the king or something like that? Oh, yeah. No, the king is a friend of mine.

It was years ago, like 10 years ago. And he invited us over and he made us dinner and stuff. And then it got late in the night and the queen went to bed. And it was like me and my brother. The queen went to bed. What a sentence. So it was like me, Gabriel Iglesias, Angelo Sarukas, my brother, my sister-in-law. And when the queen went to bed, my brother goes, I think we should probably go because

if the queen's gone to bed, the king's only staying up just to be nice. So let's just, why don't we start this migration out of here so that way the king can go to bed? And I'm like, yeah, sure. Okay, whatever. My brother's smarter than I am. So I take his lead in a lot of these things. So we leave and Gabriel and Angelo stay.

And then the next day we're leaving. And what happened was when we were telling the king that we were leaving, he goes, what time is your flight tomorrow? We're like 1030 in the morning. He goes, what time? I go, we got to wake up. We're going to leave because I got to wake up, but we got to leave by seven o'clock or something. He goes, what? What time is it? I go, 10.30. He goes, oh, no. You should leave by about 9.30. I go, 9.30? We're never going to make it to the airplane on time. And he goes, no, I'll call the airport.

And I'm like, that's when you realize he's the king. Otherwise, when you're hanging out with him, it's like hanging out with a really cool guy. Right. But then he can do king shit like that. You know what I mean? that you feel really dumb if you're the king and you still miss your flight you're like i'm the fucking king i could have made this happen yeah the royal jordanian airlines i'm the royal part so he goes yeah i leave at 9 30 and i go are you sure he goes yeah i'll call the airport don't worry so we leave the next day and we get get to the airport at like quarter to 10.

Our flight's at 10.30, leaving internationally. And they greet us at the curb. As we pull up, there's these guys that greet us. They take our passports. They take our suitcases, and they go. And they take us up to like a VIP room, and they're bringing us coffee. Cubicle five? Yeah, cubicle five.

We're all jerking off before the flight. A little pre-fight plee cum and we're all just me, Gabe everybody was sitting around like wow last night was so cool right

hung out with the gang he made us dinner and then some really like stereotypical Arab looking guy like with a mustache.

He looked like somebody you'd see in a movie. Give me your card, please. So he walks in, and he's looking, and he goes, and then I'm like, that's me. And he goes, come with me. And I'm like, all right, all right. So you're thinking you'll get another gig for 10 people. I'm thinking that the king came to say bye to me. Ah, right.

I'm like, so cool. And he goes, you have a cell phone? I go, yeah. And he just snatches it out of my hand. I'm like, the fuck is that, right? And then he goes, you have another one? I go, no. But I did.

I had another one in my bag, right? I go, no. And I'm like getting an attitude, because I don't like when people do that kind of shit. I mean, this is where my aggressive side always kicks in. Like, I'm going to have to fight somebody, right? Yeah. And we're walking down. And he's leading me. And he's kind of shit i mean this is where my aggressive side always kicks in like i'm gonna have to fight somebody right yeah and we're walking down he's leading me and he's kind of being a dick and he's leading me down these stairs and i'm thinking in my head i should choke him out from behind i could just slide one in and put him to sleep the airport's a good place to do that yeah there's no cameras anything then we get to the bottom of the stairs and there's three guys with machine guns pointed at me fuck and i'm like whoa and i'm like whoa guys it's okay it's me i'm like i'm still thinking

that the king has come to say bye to me yeah so i'm like it's okay guys it's me and they're like just mean mugging me with their guns pointed at me i'm like all right someone was offended at the joke last night and then he walks me into this like interrogation room and sits me down and uh he's like where were you last night and i go what because where were you last night and then i look to my right and there's a blanket covering a camcorder right and all i kept thinking was that's an old camcorder that's like instead of being like why am i being recorded i'm like it's an old fucking camcorder like what a shit camcorder and he's like where were you last night i was like i was out he goes where i go out where

were you and i go i go was out where i go at the palace which palace what do you mean which palace i go i was with the king which king what do you mean which king i pointed the there's a picture of the king on the wall that king my king i go yeah you're king and i go give me my phone i'll show you a picture i show him the picture of me and the king. And he's like, hmm. And then he starts taking notes. And he's like, why were you with my king? And I'm like, what?

Fuck out of here. I'm getting irritated now, right? He lights up a cigarette. He's blowing smoke in my face. I'm like, I don't like this guy. But there's guys with machine guns outside the door. Jiu-jitsu is one thing machine guns yeah i was like thinking i could knock him out but i don't think it's a

safe fight like i don't know how i'm gonna walk out of here alive yeah i don't know if i can punch a bullet yeah so then i hear i hear in the hallway don't point that fucking thing at me fool and uh and mr taste come to the rescue And then Gabriel Iglesias walks in the room and he's on the phone, right? And he's like, uh-huh. And I go, Gabe, what the fuck is going on? And he goes, hold on, pass me the phone. And it's the king and he goes,

never be the first to leave one of my parties again. You just got punked, bitch. Finally, a story about Milan. Awesome. Great. That is very Milan behaviour. Wow. And Milan says, ah, this wasn't a clit. Well, we'd better wrap that up

for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Russell Peters, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, fellas. Thanks for doing this. Thanks for moving the gig around my schedule. I appreciate that. I was worried about your open mic. Now we've got to worry about your open mouth.

All right, I'm out of here. Well, Russell, if you enjoyed the intro to the show, you're going to love what we do at the very end. We all say see you mates at the same time You ready to get on with this? I don't say mates Alright guys thanks for listening And we'll see you next time

See you mates Yeah definitely not doing that And welcome once again To another installment of Talking Dumb Dumb Oh this is The super fan's favourite bit. The post-show wrap-up. We make the regular front bit of the show. That's sort of the commercial for the masses.

But this is for the hardcore fans up the back. We've got up the front, we've got the front bottom, and this is the back bottom. This is where the good stuff happens. Oh, right. Is that what you're saying? The bum is for the smarter people? Yes, exactly.

Anal sex is for the intellectuals. Have I said this on the show before? I really think that there's that slang. I really love anal. You do? I thought that's what you were going to say. Have I said this on the show before? I really love anal.

I know I haven't said it on the show, but it is true. You do think it. Right. Okay. I think that there's that slang, the front bottom for vagina. Go on. I think that the bottom should be called the back pussy.

Right. Don't you think that makes sense? Yeah. Look, it gave me a lot of pleasure in the second I heard it. There you go. A lot of pleasure. Yeah. Yeah.

I almost could not help myself from laughing. So to me, that means I like it. Good ep. Yeah, big ep. Big ep. You know, it's always a bit intimidating doing someone that's that famous and big and whatever. So I think we've done it again. I think it was good.

Yeah, I find that sort of stuff, there's a lot of pressure. It's always a bit weird when it's someone that you don't know. But yeah, I thought Russell was cool. Yeah, he was very funny. He was right on our wavelength, that's for sure. I hope people enjoyed it. Yeah. And like we said, we were very good boys up the top of this episode.

We didn't elaborate on anything. We just punched out the dates. You know what? It's a bit of a dangerous precedent to set. I dare say people want that to happen every week from now on too bad suck shit it's our

show so yeah hey thanks to everyone that's bought tickets so far to the big run consecutive run of live shows that we're doing around the country in Brisbane in

you know where to the south of Australia in Melbourne and of course the the the thing that thing that's nagging at the back of everyone's minds, the Koh Samui Podcast Festival of 2018 that people are still... You know what? People, you don't get hit up very often by people going, oh, we bought a ticket to Brisbane. But every time someone buys a ticket to Koh Samui,

they're letting us know about it. They feel the need to let us know and it's great. Yeah, I love it. It's just a nice little reminder that I'm going there too. Yeah. And it's very exciting. I think it's going to be, fuck, it's just going to be a different creature to last year.

It's going to be very different. It's going to be a lot of fun. Yeah. No, well, that's not different to what last year was. That was a lot of fun too. Well, sure, yeah. Different kind of fun. Yes.

Scary fun. You know what? I'm already looking forward to the review of what happens after five days from the manager at the Ozo Chuwing Samui resort. Dangerous stuff. What do you think? I'm already imagining in my head going, look, I told them to behave. What else am I supposed to do?

Well, like we keep saying, we thought all this was going to happen last year and it was fine. We got lucky. So we're just feeling like we've got to tempt fate and try it again. Put it this way. When I met the manager of the Ozo the last time I saw him, like a month ago, he did say, look, just make sure people aren't smoking in their rooms and doing general damage and stuff like that.

I'm like, oh, this is sort of insinuating this is all what was happening last year. Right. Interesting. So don't smoke in your rooms, guys. Do whatever else you want. Don't smoke in the rooms. Fuck, it's not that hard, is it? You know, they're generally balcony rooms.

Just go outside and smoke. Yeah. Don't get us in trouble. You know what? Don't smoke. It's bad for you. You're right. Listen to the Surgeon General. He's a fucking surgeon. Yeah. Don't get us in trouble. You know what? Don't smoke. It's bad for you. You're right. Listen to the surgeon general.

He's a fucking surgeon. Yeah. Look at the pictures on your cigarette packets. That's bad. Who wants that to happen? Don't look at the pictures on your cigarette packets because that means you've got cigarette packets and you shouldn't because it's bad for you. Yeah.

Stay in school. No matter what age you are, go back to school. Yeah. Because they would teach you not to smoke cigarettes. To me, it's crazy to smoke cigarettes. When you find out what they do to you. Who wants that? And it's expensive. You're right.

It's going to be fucked. It's so expensive. Oh, man. I don't do it. I might take it up. Oh, yeah. I've made a good case for you to take it up. I like the idea of just taking it up in your mid-30s.

Yeah. So the show is also on Patreon. If you would like to chip in and support the show through that, you are most welcome to. It is greatly appreciated from all of us in here at headquarters. And as part of it, we send out bonus episodes, magazines that we do. And part of it is we put our own little spin on people's names at the end of the episode here.

Yeah, we really take a bit of a comedic take on the nomenclature of some of you folk out there that subscribe. We sit here and it's fair to say that we take the mickey. We sit here and it's fair to say that we take the mickey. We take a little comedic spin on that little handle you've had all these years. And look, this week is no different. No. No.

Neither of us before recording discussed doing it differently, so I see no reason why we should. Yeah. We're actually going to do... Business as usual. The same names we've done before. Oh, really? All of them. All of them in a row.

That's how same we're going to do it. Yep. Now, of course, in here at Little Dumb Dumb Club, we do have the infamous software, the new software, the unplanned title alternator, where we pump all the names into the little computer of people that subscribe via patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub.

And we hit the button and, of course, just to be fair, they come out very randomly, like the name suggests, the unplanned title alternator. Extremely randomly. It couldn't be any more random. We've not only got the software, but this week, you know, I think it's sort of pretty cool of you not to have mentioned this all night, but

those three men over there sitting at the table, they're the verifiers for this. Ah, so they verify that it is, in fact, random. They're just making sure I'm not just, you know, like reading out a name that I've got in a Word

document. Like the guys that check the lotto numbers. Yes, exactly. Like the officials there. Exactly. Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, well I didn't bring them up. I just figured it would be for content. Right. I didn't want to ruin the surprise. Yeah, yeah. You probably thought I'd sold tickets to a very small attended live show. Yes.

Yes. But no, they're actually officials. They've been forced upon us by the board. So I think it's like a random drug test. Hopefully they're not here every week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just need to do their due diligence and make sure that we're not taking the piss.

Exactly. Fair enough. No one can complain. And thank you for all three of them to not make a fuss and sort of make, you know, I've asked them not to make any noise during the podcast and interrupt the broadcast. And they're true to their word. They haven't done that.

Good on them. Yep. But now it's time for them to work. Hats off to you, boys. Yeah. Time for them to really start their working day because I'm about to get into the names. Yes. Okay.

Well, I can see them sort of firing up. They're cluttering papers and all this sort of stuff. There's a briefcase being opened. I'm not sure what's in there, but you know. Yeah, I think that, you know what? I don't think there's that much work in this job. I think they're just doing a bit of busying. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Just trying to earn their paycheck. I mean, I don't know. I don't want to tell them how to do their job, but to me it sounds like a piece of shit. If there's one thing you like, it's telling people how to do their job. Well, if only I didn't know

more than everyone else, I wouldn't have to do it. What a burden it must be to be the smartest, most perfect man alive. It's not bad. All right, here we go. Let's hit the big old button.

We got a good view over there, have we? Yep, all right. Bang and go. All right. We've got a name and the officials are having a look. We all good for this one? Yep.

We've got the three flags. All right. Great. Here we go. We can read it out. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Nicholas Hudson. Nick Hudson. Yeah.

Hudson Hawk. Yeah, I would have gone with Nick Hudson. It's a pretty cool name if you go Nick Hudson, but Nicholas Hudson, you've downgraded it by one or two points, I think, in my humble opinion. So he is Nicholas. That's what I've got here. And then the three guys over here, yep, they're nodding.

They're verifying it. Wow. Okay, wow. Having these guys is actually handy. It's giving us a lot to talk about. Yeah, it's weird. Not necessarily funny, but... No.

More official, though. Yes. Yeah. It's giving other people less things to talk about, less complaints. Exactly. I have great peace of mind this week. Yes. Yeah. It's giving other people less things to talk about. Less complaints. Exactly. I have great peace of mind this week. Yep. Nicholas Hudson has subscribed at some point in the past

and we're reading his name here as we promised. Hudson, you know, I don't mind it as a name. It's you know, there's a bit of a hard sounding it's a bit of a tough sounding street name. I like it. Yeah. Or Huddaughter. Yeah. It is 2018 so you're right. like it. Or Huddaughter. Yeah. It is 2018, so you're right. And the officials are nodding.

They're backing that up. They're admitting that I've got the right year. That it is 2018. Right. Wow. We need these guys during the actual podcast to confirm. These guys in my whole life. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. This is... Sorry to keep you so late, three guys as well. It is getting a bit late, but you're earning your money. Thank you. Thanks for attending. Thanks, boys. And thank you, Nicholas, for your hard-sounding last name.

I reckon I would buy a car if it was called a Hudson. Oh, the Nick Hudson dealership. Oh, the make of car. Yeah. A Hudson. Yeah, a Hudson. Yeah. Yeah. You'd buy a bit of, some sort of machinery I'd buy a Hudson. Yeah. Maybe, you know, maybe a Hudson. Oh, the Nick Hudson dealership. Oh, the make of car. Yeah. A Hudson. Yeah, a Hudson. Yeah. You buy a bit of some sort of machinery, I'd buy a Hudson.

Maybe a tractor. Yeah. It sounds like a calculator. Oh, you like a calculator? A Hudson. Yeah, okay. I'll go with a tractor called a Hudson. Okay.

Fuck John Deere. I'll go with a Nick Hudson. Thanks, Hutto. Yeah, thanks, Hutto. And thanks for your help with all the corn I've gathered this year. Thank you to Patreon. Subscribe. Oh, hang on. Yeah, thanks, Hutto. And thanks for your help with all the corn I've gathered this year. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Hang on, I better hit the button. I'm getting a few death stares over here, very icy stares.

They were firing up. I didn't mention the hitting of the button and then they had forgotten. And we're right. And bang, number two for tonight. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Am I good? Yep. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Are we good? Yep. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Adam Norman.

Adam Norman. That sounds like an old man. You reckon? That sounds like an old man. Nah. Norman. Nah. Adam Norman.

Adam. I know this is not realistic, but I can't imagine someone called Adam over the age of 40. It feels like you get to 40 and you change your name to Bob or Graham. You know what I mean? Adam's a young man. That's just the Norman thing that's throwing me off. That's an old sounding name. Adam's like what they say about comedy.

It's a young man's game. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I watch you do comedy and I think, yeah, this is a young man's game. Ah, shit. You walked right and I think, yeah, this is a young man's thing. Ah, shit. You walked right into that one, Normie.

Adam Norman, fuck you. Oh, the officials are loving that one. They're applauding me. Oh, they've cleared that. All right. All right. I was going to request to have that edited out, but if it's been verified. I wasn't sure whether or not that was comedy, but they are.

They're all holding up big signs that say comedy. Oh, they've got signs they're holding up now. I think that, no offence, boys, I think that's a little above your pay grade. Yeah. I didn't know they were doing some semaphore business over here, but okay. All right. You're supposed to be there just for the legalities of things, and now they're judging our content.

Yeah, well, I would never have gotten to that point without Adam Norman's contribution, so thanks. Thanks, Norman. Thanks. Hey, thanks, Adam Norman's contribution. So thanks. Thanks, Normo. Thanks. Hey, thanks Adam Norman or Norm Woman. Yes, 2018. Exactly. Yeah, and we know that's definitely a year and this year.

Thanks, Normo. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Alright, so those names have been pretty bread and butter. Here we go. Let's make things interesting. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Kier Longworth. Longworth? Kier. K-E-I-R, Kier.

Right. Is that a boy or a girl? Boy? I think girl. You think girl? I think girl, yeah. Should we throw to the judges? They're all shrugging.

Well, we've got an exact split, even though there's only three people. We've got a yes and no and just one judge doing the hand signal that goes back and forth like he doesn't know. Longworth. I like the last name Longworth. It's great. You like that? I like it a lot.

But what does that mean, Longworth? We talk about surnames in the olden days. Someone's called Ironmonger because they used to be an ironmonger. What the fuck did Longworth used to be? Long cock. Oh, okay. Or pussy.

And they've just taken that. The phrasing was, how long was this cock worth? Yeah. Is that a thing? Yeah. No? Yeah. How long worth of cock do you have?

Oh, okay. Right, right, right. Okay. Well, that makes – I want to say more sense, but I don't really mean it. And you've got nothing. You're wanting to – I can see you. You're wanting to dispute it, but you don't have an alternative ready to go. No.

So you're begrudgingly just having to take what I've said and accept it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Kia. Fuck, I'm just getting too tired. It's late. Yeah, it's been a long day. Thanks, Kia.

It's been a long day. We did two episodes today for the listeners. Yeah, a lot of content. A lot of content. I'm almost dry of content. Yeah. In a way, I don't think it would be a good idea to just do podcasts all day, every day.

In many ways, I think that would be a waking nightmare. Yeah. That would be actual hell. I think doing 24 hours a day content would be hard. Yeah. I think. What if we did like when Regurgitated did the band in the bubble? Yeah.

And we were in a publicly viewable enclosure just doing podcasts all day for a month. Fuck. Could we do that? I wonder if there's world records because podcasting is such a new medium still. It'd be easy ones to break, yeah. What's the longest podcast we could do? Yeah. I mean, we would – it's literally being, you know, how long can you stay away?

Because it's just... Well, I listened to a video games podcast called Cannon Rinse, and they did a look back at 2017, an episode that went for 12 hours. Oh, what? Yeah. Did you listen to it all? I haven't listened to it all yet. Oh, right. I'm like,

I'm just listening to it in installments. So I'm like three hours in. But it's broken up, so it's like three people talking about a few games. That goes for an hour. And then it's a different group of people. So they didn't sit there and talk about Zelda for 12 hours straight. I'm more thinking about a live podcast. We just go until we pass out.

Yeah. I'd try it. Do you reckon you could go 12 hours? I think so. We'd have to have guests yeah but if you're just sitting in a room talking if it doesn't have to be good it's never had to be good

yeah yeah we could do that so what start at like 8am and then you're done at 8pm yeah getting food brought to you on stage yeah

if you're having other people come along yeah do that for live podcasts, 8 till 8, and then have a break and then go and do a few recorded studio ones and then do the Patreon read after that. And then have a fucking 18-hour drunk cast afterwards. Oh, God. Fuck.

Thanks, Kia. Thanks, Kia. All right, here we go. And we all good? Everyone's giving the three flags on the hit of the button. And we call with this. Yes. Okay.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Zoe or Zoe. I guess it's Zoe Ackerman. Ackerman. Not far off. Ackerman. Yeah. Our friend. Yes.

Our podcasting colleague. Yeah. From the United States of America. Yeah. Zoe Ackerman. Ackerman. I like ackerman's name it's a bit it feels like you've stepped straight from the pages of a mad magazine satire yes it does yeah yeah some sort of not not a person zoe ackerman seems like someone that i would never meet it's a real comic book kind of name yeah i feel like it's a real she's not in my world i don't think i'll ever meet her right really yeah i can't see myself ever meeting zoe ackerman well i dare say you

probably have i dare say i haven't otherwise i would remember because if i was zoe ackerman i'd come up and say my name is zoe ackerman and i fucking would remember that well just because you don't remember it doesn't mean that it didn't directly happen to you possibly all of a week ago i think i have a memory like a steel trap and i believe uh i have definitely not i would i would put five dollars at least i'll never meet zoe let us know have you ever met carl have it's a good fun topic have you ever met carl yeah people get on facebook yeah let's get a thread we'll get a thread going on our people aware facebook page yeah and Facebook page And you can all share your experiences If you've met Carl, what it was like It's a good relatable topic

Have you met Carl? Something for everyone Yeah, everyone can relate to that Well thanks Zoe I certainly can Well you can't because you've never met yourself It's a shame in a way Because you're finally surrounded by bread

It is a shame in a way Because I think I'd enjoy meeting me No way way because you're finally surrounded by bread it is a shame in a way because i you know i think i would you know i'd i'd enjoy meeting me no way you don't think so no way you might be right it's true but i mean and this is i'm not saying this to have a go i kind of am but the i mean this is true of everyone but it's very true in you that you so much of the stuff that i know you hate in other people is just reflected in you it's just stuff that you do on an hourly basis but that's but everyone has a bit of that yes no i i completely agree yeah but there's elements of me i would like in someone else i'm sure all right oh god there's nothing better than that

moment is there? Someone going, this fucking cunt. They were doing this and they're doing this and they're just talking like this and you're just listening going, how do you tell this guy that he's just describing himself? That's what it's like being friends with you, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't think any of that's true, so let's move on.

Thanks, Zoe. Thanks, Zoe. Thanks, Zoe. And I Zoe. Thanks, Zoe. And I look forward to meeting you possibly one day in another dimension because I just can't see it happening on planet Earth. Unfortunately, I'd love to do it, but... Not on this planet. Physics deny that.

Yeah. Okay. I'm so tired. We're doing one more and that's it. It's nine eyes time. Two of the judges are falling. You can see them. They've got their heads on the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, sorry to keep you up so late.

Please wake up for this. You've only got one more to go and then we can all go home. Strange that they're falling asleep when they've been here for 15 minutes at this point. Yeah, I know. I know. That's how good this segment of the show is. This work ethic of these officials is non-existent.

They're Googling and researching every element of everything we're saying. Every letter of every person's name in here, they are just doing background check. They're doing the sums. They're doing the numbers. I believe they're even ringing each one of these Patreon subscribers to make sure that this is on the level. Right, okay.

And I'm just not making stuff up. So, guys, get ready for one more. And I will hit the button. And this will be the last hit of the button on the Unplanned Title Alternator this week. So, maybe the most of this last one. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber all right okay uh well this well i never what do you got well i never seem really interested by this one well not so much interested just

surprise okay yeah yep really surprised and look you'll i i'd like to think you'll feel the same emotion you think i'll share in this yeah surprise oh it's barely believable wow to me yeah i can't wait to see what the judges are going to make yeah officials good point i forgot about the judges for a minute so let's see thank you to patreon subscriber crunchy comedy crunchy comedy yeah Crunchy comedy. Yeah. So, do we have any more information? Yes. There's a little line below it saying Officials have started jerking their dicks

simultaneously. I've never seen anything like this. You've never seen three adjudicators jerking their dicks in your lounge room. Big call, I know. Yeah. Wow, okay. This is special. It does say a little,

there's a little, you know, sometimes on the machine, on the software, it does say a little bit of detail. More often than not. Sometimes there's a lot of detail. It's just got a little bit here.

It says, Crunchy Comedy, it's your cat. That's my cat. Oh, right. So your cat is subscribing on Patreon? Well, no. I mean, the bigger revelation is that your cat is subscribing on Patreon? Yeah. Well, no. I mean, the bigger revelation is that your cat is part of the comedy family dynasty. Well, you know, look.

Crunchy isn't a Chandler. Like, it's not a blood relation of me. So we have adopted the cat from somewhere else. Sure. But you wouldn't have suspected that it would be part of the comedy family. I didn't know our cat had a last name. I'll give you that much. Was it born of the litter produced by Mittens Comedy, the comedy cat?

Well, I'm starting to think that may well be the case. Is this Mittens Comedy, the comedy cat's daughter? I've got to say, Crunchy got off lightly. Crunchy just gets to be Crunchy Comedy. It doesn't have to be Crunchy Comedy the comedy cat. Yeah. This is, well, at the moment, if she was, she'd be more Crunchy Comedy the comedy kitten.

Yeah, sure. Which is not too bad. But wow, I've got, this is fucking mind-blowing, I've got a descendant of a member of the comedy family. This is huge. In my own house. I own a member of the comedy family. This is huge. In my own house. I own a member of the comedy family. And what does it say about me that I'm allergic to that member of the comedy family?

I'm allergic to comedy. Also, I'm glad that Crunchy's giving something back. I'm fucking paying a lot for food. Yeah. And she's chucking a bit back. So it all comes out in the wash. Well, it is a bit weird. How much money is she getting? You're getting half of this, it is a bit weird because you're getting half of this.

Yeah, that's true. You're getting half of this. She could have just chipped in for her own food. Well, you know, I'm having to buy Telfast when I go around to your house. Oh, yeah, okay. That's fair. It's very thoughtful of Conchie. Yes.

Which is probably the first thoughtful thing that that fucking cat's done. How much is the cat putting in? A surprising amount. Yes, please, lay it on me. $69. Oh, nice. The judges like that one. Oh, please, lay it on me. $69. Oh, nice. The judges like that one.

Oh, do they? Yeah, they've lit up. How can you tell they're already jerking their dick? So what, how can you tell they like that one? They've each grown

a second dick and they're now jerking that as well. Jesus Christ. The ultimate compliment. You'd think they would've got a better job in life than being adjudicators

of a Patreon read on a podcast. You seem to be able to just sprout dicks at will. If you were that talented, what a waste of a life. All right. Speaking of waste, let's go to bed. Guys, thank you for listening.

Thank you for supporting us on Patreon if that's something you do. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. And if you've come in just finding this episode off the back of Russell Peters, thanks for putting up the last bit of this podcast. Thanks for taking a gamble on the last bit. Yeah.

It's sort of hard to explain. I was actually thinking that halfway through. What would this sound like if you have no context for what this normally is? Yeah. Look,

I guess in the context of anything, when you start listening to this show, what do you think of fucking half of this stuff? Good point. Yeah.

I think it's pretty clear we read names out of a computer program and three random men in the room with us yep they're jerking off with two dicks yeah it's all yeah you're right it's all couldn't be more self-explanatory we all we need is a hook yeah uh okay little dumdum club.com for all the live shows and stuff coming up we would love to see you somewhere out there in the country or the great wide world. Yeah, support us on Patreon if that's something you choose to do. Thank you.

Get on the social medias. We're on Twitter, we're on Facebook, we're on Instagram, and we're especially on Facebook in this little private group. We've got thousands of people now called People Aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah. People seem to be having a lot of fun having direct access to us. It's good. Yeah.

I seem to be – I should be doing more work than dealing with some of the fucking people in there but yeah a lot of a lot of online fights couple of weeks yeah i do love an online fight yeah someone in there daring anyway who cares someone someone saying that they like a comedian and you just going in on them good this fucking 16 year old kid good cyber bullying yeah fuck him uh all right guys thanks so much for listening and you just going in on them. Good. This fucking 16-year-old kid. Good. He's a cyber bully. Yeah, fuck him. All right, guys. Thanks so much for listening to this edition of Talking Dumb Dumb

and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional. You have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah.

Yeah.