The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 387 - Ross Noble & Peter Jones

Episode Date: March 7, 2018

Super special guest ROSS NOBLE makes his debut on the podcast alongside the return of our buddy PETER JONES! We get momentarily flummoxed by a sighting of Tony Jones and then compose ourselves for just long enough to talk about regional insane asylums. We also try to work out what books Ross has read, hear about Pete meeting some Dum Dum fans in Perth PLUS a special Mel Brooks "cameo"! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:BRISBANE: We're coming back for an afternoon of huge live podcasts! MARCH 10.ADELAIDE: God help us, we're coming back. Don't make us regret it. MARCH 17MELBOURNE: We've got a month of awesome live shows happening for the month of APRIL. KOH SAMUI: The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival is happening again in 2018 with guests The Dollop! JUNE 13 - 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, an awesome brand new episode with guests Ross Noble and Pete Jones. But before we get into that, we have to let you know about a couple of little things that we have coming up. If you are one of the precious few that are lucky enough to have tickets to our sold out show in Brisbane this weekend. We will see you at the New Globe Theatre, 4pm, this Saturday afternoon. It's going to be a huge double episode, back-to-back,

and if you missed out, tough titties. Of course, that's on March 10, but March 17, if you did miss out in Brisbane, you've just got a short trip to go interstate to see our next live show. So I'm sure if you couldn't be fucked getting off your ass to buy a ticket in your hometown, you'll be wrapped with travelling to a place far, far away which you can call… Adelaide.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And of course there are 130 of you in Brisbane that missed out on tickets to that show. So that should just about fill up the room in Adelaide. So if you could all get over there, that would be fantastic. I love how life works out perfectly sometimes. That's great. And this madman over here, not only am I doing one under-attended show in Adelaide, I'm also sticking around the next day to do a preview of my new festival show, Leisure Suit Tommy.

It's at 7.15pm at the Howling Owl Cafe. Come down to that. I would love to see you there. But, yes, two big podcasts on the Saturday in Adelaide with awesome special guests. Yeah, heaps of great stuff planned for those two. And, of course, if you want to see the full version of your little stand-up comedy show, you can see it in Melbourne.

Starting what date? March the 28th. Great. At the Cooper's Inn, running until April the 8th, and also just recently announced two extra shows on the Sundays, the final two Sundays of April, not quite, April the 15th and 22nd at the European Beer Cafe, immediately following your show, which is immediately following the podcast.

Great. And my show is on slightly different dates. To you, I'm not on the same dates apart from those ones. I'm April 8th to 22nd. So mine goes straight after the live podcast that we are doing on every Sunday of April, the first four weeks of April. Of course, we're doing three at three o'clock, 3 p.m. Sunday, April 1st, 8th, 15th and 22nd at the European Beer Cafe.

You know what they're like. If you're in Melbourne or have visited, you're going to see the biggest names, the fullest houses, the most fun, the most fun episodes maybe of the year. Certainly, given they're all, you know, it's like the Spice Girls, Tommy. You know, when you see them all. Never heard of them. Yeah, you've never heard of the Spice Girls, it's like the Spice Girls, Tommy. You know, when you see them all – Never heard of them. Yeah, you've never heard of the Spice Girls? Never heard of the Spice Girls.

Are you only into things that have happened in the last five or ten years? Yes. Right. So even this podcast I'm not really into. Right, right. Well, I can't blame you for that. So it's like that. It's like the Spice Girls that you don't know.

You know, you see them all in a row and they look even better. That's what the podcasts spice girls that you don't know you know you see them all in a row and then they look even better that's that's what the podcast in melbourne look like i don't i'm not quite sure how this analogy works well if you see a podcast by itself it's not very good yeah but if you see five of them yes then they're really good yes so does that mean over five weeks we're gonna have baby podcast yes sporty podcast scary podcast podcast, posh podcast should be fun. Yeah. Which are you most looking forward to out of them? Well, to start with, I'm quite stunned how you knew the five podcasts

when you'd never heard of the Spice Girls about two minutes ago. Well, no, I mean I know those five girls individually but I don't know of the collective Spice Girls. I just took a punt then. Right. Because there's five of them and you said five. Right. And I just happened to list off a list of the five things that I'm aware of

and it just managed to match up. Wow. I wonder when they invented the Spice Girls, I wonder what sort of conversation they had about how many Spice Girls there should be. Now, when you say invented, I wonder what sort of conversation they had about how many Spice Girls there should be. Now, when you say invented, I was under the impression that they all just kind of got together and a deep, deep love of a deep shared passion of music.

You had no understanding three minutes ago of anything. So the understanding that you took in within the last 90 seconds. Well, again, I know that they're all... Anyway, let's let this go. We've got far better things to get to. Oh, yeah, we should do that at the end of the episode. Sorry. Yes, so live podcasts coming up April, Melbourne, our solo shows,

littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can find all of that stuff. You can also support us on Patreon if you would like to, and there's links to that on the website. It is a way for you to show your support of the show. We are going to read out some names of people who support the show on Patreon at the end of the episode. But for now, enjoy this brand new episode with awesome special guest, Ross Noble, and equally awesome special guest, Pete Jones.

That's just wrong. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you so much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. You've done it again. You've got this weird new insistence that we always record in the dark. You've got us sitting here.

I can barely see any of the gentlemen sitting in front of us. Yeah, I feel less awkward like this. It's good. I feel like we're all a bit more truthful in the dark. I think it's going to work a lot better. I usually just absolutely lie to you every week, but I feel like I can be finally honest now. You can really be yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's great. I wish you weren't a co-host on this show. Oh, wow. Get those lights back up. It's hurting my feelings. We have two great guests on the show today. First of all, he is an absolute master of improvisational comedy. It's Peter Jones.

Yes, I'm back. Known for his crazy tangents. Always deviating off script. That's me. Hey, everybody. Also joining us, first time on the podcast, very stoked to have him here, Ross Noble. It's lovely to be here in the dark. What I especially like about this is the fact that there's two enormous disco lights just above your head there

with motorised, revolving, mirrored cylinders is the only way I can describe them. And yet we're sitting in this darkness and they're doing nothing. But I'm able to see your knees from above and one of those cylinders. If we turn that thing on and it goes straight off Dassler's head, we'd all be blinded.

Straight into my head. Sweet mercy. Yeah, it goes off my head onto Jones's head. It's like the dark side of the moon cover. Just this sweet prism of light. But then off my head, that's like antimatter. That would sort everything out. Now, we got embarrassingly excited just then

when we were standing waiting for you to turn up to the podcast and we'd got Pete as the second guest and then you walked up with Tony Jones and we very excitedly... Tony Jones? Sorry, Tony Martin. No, no, no, no Tony Jones. No, from National Nine News.

Oh, wow. It's a good local reference. We were so excited. Tony Jones. Tony Jones. And then I had a small cart, and who should be in the cart but Clint Stanaway, who's got to be my favourite.

He's my favourite Australian correspondent. Oh, really? Now it's time. Who's your top three? Clint Stanaway. Well, Tony Jones. Clint Stanaway. You're just saying Tony Jones because you were just hanging out with him, though.

That's the sort of rock and roll lifestyle I lead. Tony Martin. Tony Jones insists that he must always have the Melbourne skyline behind him yes at all times

yeah otherwise he doesn't get recognised well to be fair Tony Martin just had the Melbourne skyline behind him when we saw him because he was in Melbourne

that's what I mean like Tony Jones he literally if you take you weren't with Tony Jones if you take Tony Jones out into the bush right if you take him out there with Tony Jones if you take Tony Jones out into the bush

right if you take him out there and you stand him in front of a hundred people he can never open

officially open a country show because nobody recognises him as soon as he stands in front of the Melbourne skyline

oh my god it's Tony Jones it's like anti camouflage if Tony Jones stands in the woods is it really Tony Jones

exactly no it's only if he has the Melbourne skyline yes Tony Martin yes It's like anti-camouflage for him. If a Tony Jones stands in the woods, is it really Tony Jones? Exactly. No, it's only if he has the Melbourne Sky. Yes, Tony Martin. Yes. Tony Martin. And also, you might like to Google this, actually. We were actually talking about this earlier. I might Google Tony Martin to learn his name, actually.

Well, Tony Martin, the popular writer and comedian, not Tony Martin who... Do you know the other Tony Martin and what he's famous for? There's a few. There's an actor that used to be on a show called East Street in Australia. Right, yeah. There's a cyclist in the Tour de France. Yeah.

Yes. So you know those Tony Martins, but you don't know this one. My favourite Tony Martin is the man who famously used a shotgun to kill an intruder in his remote farmhouse in the United Kingdom. Oh, yes. And he's your favourite rather than the guy you just went through. Yeah.

He is my favourite Tony. But weirdly, he's also Tony Martin's favourite Tony Martin. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. That's kind of sad. Yeah. That's very self-deprecating when you can't even get your own, in your own top one you.

So, yes, I did turn up with Tony Martin. He was showing me where the venue was. Yes, right. Well, he turned up and we saw you with him and we'd just booked Pete to be on it and we both hurriedly went, let's get him instead without referring to Peter. And I was like, no, no, no, please, please. I know what the fans want.

You were a real cuck about it. You were like, no, no, I'm happy. I'll bump myself. I understand. What's delightful to want it. You were a real cuck about it. You were like, no, no, I'm happy. I'll bump myself. I understand. What's delightful is that, unfortunately, he was too busy. Yeah. Which is good. I just want anyone listening to be clear that I did not make Tony Martin leave.

I gave him the option. Yeah. We were. We were significantly disappointed in this podcast from what we were five minutes ago. You were the first choice, bumped to second choice, but then back to first choice. What a comeback. Made it. You were the second choice behind Ross Perot, actually.

I'm hoping we could maybe get him. The first Ross that came to my mind. He's dead now, isn't he? He is dead, yeah. That's why we couldn't get him. He's dead. Well, to be honest, this morgue-like atmosphere that we've come down to with the darkness and the white, shiny tiles there, to be honest, you could prop him up in here

and allow his body to emit sounds. And thank you for complimenting the comedy club I run here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Basement comedy club every Saturday in Melbourne. You're right, though. The lighting in here at the moment, it's a little bit of a preview of what it's going to be like to be in a coffin one day.

It's good. Really can't get past the fact that those are shiny morgue tails. Are they really? Yeah. On the... Yeah, look at them, on the pillar there.

Oh yeah, right. You see what I'm saying? I would have to say I've never been in a morgue. No one I know has ever died so I don't understand the reference. You've never... No one I know has ever died.

From a long line of immortals. Family gatherings are a nightmare. I should have mentioned in the intro I am a great god. That's never come up

on the show before in seven years. You've never visited I mean, see what you're saying. You've never visited a morgue. No, I've never been in a morgue. You've never identified

a body. No. Surely you must have been to a morgue. You've never identified a body. No. Surely you must have been to a morgue for research for a film. No, surprisingly I have not been in a film. Everyone's done that. No, I've not been in any Undertaker related film or in any film.

I read a very good book, which I can't remember the name of, so this story's redundant. Was it called Down Among the Dead Men, I think it might have been called. About a woman who got a job as an assistant in a very good book. So do buy that book if you know what I'm talking about. Just list all the titles of books that you've read and then you'll narrow it down. Yeah, I've only read one and that's it.

I can't remember. Not that memorable. What's the name of that? I'll try and remember it. Yeah, please. Pete, ever been in a morgue? I have actually been in a morgue. Here we go.

You wouldn't get this with Tony Martin. Tony Martin has never been. Ironically, with the other Tony Martin, you would. You'd probably end up in the morgue yourself. Where were you? It was at the Ararat... Jay Ward. Is it the mental asylum?

Yes, Jay Ward. Finally something you two have in common, right? Yeah, one of Australia's best, I would say low-key, but very good tourist attraction. Yeah, the haunted tour. Yeah. Oh, whoa, hang on. I think we might be talking about separate mental asylums.

No, definitely Jay Ward in Ararat. Is it Ararat or Ararat? Ararat. Ararat. How many mental asylum or Ararat? Ararat. Ararat. How many mental asylum tours are there in this state? There's quite a few. There's a few. There's a lot.

There's an awful lot. But, you see, I went there when it, I think it had just opened as a tourist attraction, probably 99, I think it was. And I think at the time, they hadn't cottoned on to the ghost element. At the time, it was. And I think at the time, they hadn't cottoned on to the ghost element. At the time, it was literally just, would you like to come and see somewhere

that used to be a prison for the criminally insane? Yes. It is the same one then. But now, I went and it would have been 2013 and then it was a ghost tour at the time. And they take you to the morgue. So there you go. Oh, right. Head off to Ararat. You can get a tour at the time and they take you to the morgue. So there you go. Head off to Ararat, you can get a tour of the

former mental asylum. If we go there we can be just like in a place we are right now so we don't need to go to Ararat. Give us the tile report, do they match up? Do they run a comedy club in the Ararat mental asylum tour as well? It's called the Funny Farm. Brilliant gig.

The seating's a bit weird it's sort of like very laid back and you have to slide into the wall apparently there's a lot of booing going on there as well so it's not a great gig have you played the new art it's probably a year or two years old

now the theatre in Bendigo that used to be a prison. No. Yeah, they took the old prison and then converted that into a theatre. So if you want to, if you're in Victoria and you want to enjoy comedy and former institutions, it really is all to play for. I've got to say, Airbnb's gone too far

with just the repurposing of existing buildings and houses. Scott, have you been there? The Bendigo? No, I think Dave O'Neill might have done a gig there. Of course he has. Dave O'Neill has done gigs in every place. And actual prisons. Yeah, he would have done a gig in the morgue

before it was converted to anything. Just there roasting a cadaver. Yeah, yeah, just turns up and makes his own gig. A friend of mine was telling me that he was doing an improv workshop in a prison for people who had, you know, done things. Teaching hardened prisoners how to do improv. Yeah, yeah. Yes, and I will stab you today.

Yeah, well, that's what he said there was a can i have a suggestion sweet freedom that's the that was the problem with it he said that they were you know because they were trying to use like uh theater like the you know theater workshop in order to sort of like work with these people yeah no definitely i'll have four i don't know if you could pick that up on the mic he's not at all you sound like you need to head to ararat this place is haunted just by there are just other people here i always get them i always get people and ghosts yeah it's a nightmare a lot of the same characteristics. Yeah. I go, what?

He can't even walk. Why is he using the door? By the way, Tony Martin's still alive. Right. Good to know. Good to know. Yeah.

And he said they had to go around and do like an action. You know, we're walking. We're walking. And the next person is like,

and then one guy started going, we're chopping. We're chopping. And everyone went, okay like, and then one guy started going, we're chopping, we're chopping. And they all went, okay. It's just, and it turned out he had killed all his family. Oh, man. Yeah.

But, like, imagine, I mean, imagine that. They haven't signed up for that. Like, I know I got 50 years, but I didn't deserve improv training. Come on. Totally. Is that maybe to give them a bit of like, hey, it could be worse. You could be on the outside in an improv troupe. There's always something worse out there.

Glad we've got that covered. We've covered all the institutions. Talking about that sort of dark subject matter, we've got some news. There's a bit of running business in this show, Ross, that I'll introduce you to at the moment. What we do is, we run, and we will now say it's an annual thing. It's an annual podcast the moment. What we do is we run, and we will now say

it's an annual thing, it's an annual podcast festival, but where we do it is we run it in Thailand, where we have no listeners, but we just bring our listeners to Thailand, to what we call, last year was the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, which only contained us as the podcast. This year we've got two podcasts, so we're going over there in June. Now, there's a lot of business to attend to. We've got a lot of people coming. But we've been trying to promote Koh Samui as a beautiful tourist resort and the hub of podcasts in Southeast Asia, to be frank.

And we've been giving it some very good PR. Today in the news we found out that there's been a gunfight between competing jet ski operators on the beach of Chewing Beach where we will be doing the podcast in June. One of the great things about doing a podcast where you talk about something very specifically is that if anything happens within that specific realm, you get about a billion people tweet you the link to the news article about it. So we've been doing PR damage control today.

I think that the last, I was listening to Triple G earlier and I think they were talking about jet ski shootout. I think they're a band. Jet ski shootout. It's a very common. Was this a shootout on the beach

around the jet skis or was this on board the vessels? Unfortunately not on the actual jet skis. It was two jet ski, rival jet ski operators. Arguing over turf. Over turf, yeah. Real turf. It's ironic, isn't it? Because they're on the sand. If it was

groundskeepers. Because this is the thing that we're worried about now because, look, this has been my idea for a few months is that I tried to go over there and really tried to negotiate the sale of a bar. I wanted for our podcast, The Little Dum Dum Club, to buy a bar in Koh Samui

so that when we would go to the festival, we would own our own bar, have our own themed cocktails and parties and whatever it is. And everyone said to us, no, no, no, it's too dangerous, it's too dangerous. And I've said, no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. And now I've got the fucking jet ski shootout in the news today which is not

helping my cause at all surely lowering the price of the bar though yeah well no that's that's actually good uh what happens to this bar for the other 51 weeks of the year well look it that would be called the down season in our turn it would be the idea would be hopefully that that one week of the year would be extremely successful and might be able to paper over the cracks of the other 359 days of the year. I now feel the same way that my wife must have felt when

I suggested building a climbing tower in our garden. I said we could build a building like an actual building that could be used as an art studio but at the same time the outside of it would be an extensive climbing wall

and she looked at me with the look that I'm no doubt giving you I made a joke to you before we started recording that this podcast was about model trains and there's a part of you I think now going fuck I wish it that this podcast was about model trains and there's a part of you I think now going, fuck I wish it was actually a podcast about model trains so I don't have to hear these harebrained business

ideas that you've got. I like it. No I think it's good. Why not buy a bar? Well this is the thing. We're now, we're going to have like a sort of a pop-up bar on one end of the beach and this big party but I'm literally in Facebook negotiations with this other bar because I went there a couple of months ago

to really try and do a bit of research. Do you have the funds to buy a bar? Well, it's cheap over there. Sure. You can win it in a shootout. Yeah, exactly. And also the last thing you want to be doing on the beach is popping up. Yeah.

So I went over there and sort of, I did a silly thing where I just went there to try and talk to bars and I would go and drink with managers and whatever and get drunk and then sort of start to go, so what does this rake in a week and what sort of, what would you let this bar go for and how's business going? So I did that with a lot of bars and this one guy just folded in front of me and sort of like I got drunk and then I said to him how's this bar going

and he goes I gotta tell you not well and I and I might have given it away by the way I was rubbing my hands furiously together

as he answered that it's great too because you're not in any way a good drunk so there's no reason for him to have to like you know and what with

it's ideal beach location, you could even rent, say, a jet ski set from there. Go, go! It's right in the middle of the turf of one of the jet ski companies. Yeah, there's enough room to swing a cat, shoot a pistol, whatever you want to do here. Wow. It's good stuff.

One of the guys did die. So it's a good thing to talk about on a comedy podcast. How much are we talking then? Well, see, this is the thing. So a lot of the places, it goes up and down and whatever, but you can't, the laws in Thailand, you can't really, as a farang, as a foreigner, you can't 100% own the land or anything.

All you can do is buy the business. Right. So I was talking to him about that sort of stuff and how much, I've been doing a lot of research about how much you should be paying for a bar and whatever. And in the end, I've got down to a rental negotiation with him where I've said, okay, what if we just rent that bar for a week?

And the bar is like right next to the resort we're all staying. Everyone's staying in one resort and all the podcasts are happening in one resort. And this bar is so conveniently right next door and very conveniently a real piece of shit bar so it couldn't be that expensive. Right, okay. How much are we talking? He's gone the initial offer. He's gone back to me

with a lot of lost in communication sort of negotiations but he's come back to me with the opening offer is he wanted $700 a day to rent out his bar and his bar doesn't have a roof on it. It's got a couple of stalls where he's selling

$1 cocktails and I'm like, I reckon, I'm in the middle of proper Thai negotiations now. So I went back to him with $100 a day and so now we're just haggling in the middle now. $700. Well. That's not good business, surely. I mean,

have you been to thailand before yeah uh where have you stayed in thailand uh where did i stay we stayed in oh god where was it the week that i went to thailand i'd done i'd flown i'd done some gigs out in afghanistan flew back to well now they're bringing afghanistan to Koh Samui on the beaches, apparently. So, uh... The jet skis of Afghanistan. Yeah, we stayed... God, where did we stay? It was just near where

the boats leave to go off to that island. You seem to not... To a pee-pee. You seem to not have remembered anything you've ever done. You can remember it happening, but anything specific? Titles of things? I'll be perfectly honest with you. I was on tour and literally my wife booked the holiday. Anything to get you away from that climbing tower, obviously. Yeah, we flew in.

I got in the cab. They took us to the hotel. I had the holiday. I went to the beach. Never really did any sightseeing. Didn't ask where you were at any stage. No. That's great.'s great a lot happening that that yeah i'd be i'd been working quite hard you didn't try to buy a bar at any point i did i don't know where it is

absolute nightmare she took us she took us to a thing with some elephants didn't fancy that i she went on the elephant. I just kept my distance. Exactly. Yeah, you don't want to do that. You don't want to let them profit from the trained up elephants and whatever. Were bullets raining down on you at any point? Oh no, it was a full, as a family we went out and

had a full fight, a full firefight. It was wonderful. Great. Yeah, but yeah, it was the week I'd been in the UK and then I'd been there and then I went back to the UK. This is all helping us work out which place it is. Then I'd done some gigs for the troops out in Afghanistan so I was kind of a bit, I was backwards and forwards and yeah.

I just don't buy this as an excuse for being somewhere for a week and never knowing where it is. I love it. I love the idea. It's so good. I would love to be at a stage of going overseas somewhere and then leaving then someone saying, what country were you in? I don't know. I didn't bother. I didn't ask.

I thought that would be rude. I think it's an Australian thing. It's such a big deal to go anywhere because everything's so far away. But what you've also got to remember as well is the fact that I'll be on tour and I've got a tour manager who's responsible for making sure that i get on stage and and then i can go like a whole this is a terrible thing to admit but i can go like a whole week where i sometimes have to turn to my tour manager and say where are we tonight and he'll say the name of the town and i'll

go right okay because I'll just literally just right okay check in hotel right check out here we are another theatre looks pretty much the same as the last one

so yeah it's yeah I don't like to do that but sometimes you know if it's a long tour you can get and then yeah I sometimes allow my wife to take that role as well

we do that a little bit. I mean, sometimes we go on tour and we turn up at some theatre, it's completely empty, and we go, oh, hang on, we don't need to ask where we are, this is Adelaide. You're kind of in the sweet spot of every performer's dream where you don't seem to get the Adelaide effect. People in Adelaide just come out to your shows. You're Adelaide proof.

That's where we want to get at some stage. Why is Adelaide so come out to your shows. Yeah. You're Adelaide proof. That's where we want to get it. Why is Adelaide so... Can I just point out as well, right, that I literally, my wife bought our current house, my wife bought that house without me seeing it. Oh, wow. This is, just so

you understand the level of just how disconnected from reality is? Just so you're aware. So then that thing from earlier, that's on her. Like you get to come in and go, well, the fucking thing doesn't even have a climbing tower. If I'd seen it, I could have vetoed this.

That is 100%, yeah. So the Adelaide effect, is there a... It's your bulletproof with Adelaide. You're at a stage where you're so big that people in Adelaide will buy tickets in advance to you. That is, yes. Whereas, that's the top of the tree. There's you, there's Will Anderson, there's a couple

of people like that. Then there's the rest of us that people from Adelaide won't buy tickets in advance and on the day they might if they fancy, turn up. And is that is that an like they don't like in advance or they just don't like going out? There's like bands and stuff that won't come to Adelaide because the tour promoters are just like sick of, you know, blowing a gasket because it seems like no one's coming.

Because it'll be, you know, whoever will turn up to Adelaide and there'll be 20 tickets sold and then the day before everyone gets up and goes, oh that's right, we wanted to see that show, there's a million tickets on the day, because it's a town I guess, it's a bit of a country town effect where people go we know there'll be room, no one's

buying tickets in advance we'll be right, we'll rock up on the door it's not like in say Melbourne where when your show will go on next month and it's on I was going to say, Melbourne, where when your show will go on next month, and it's on time now, obviously. I was going to say, don't say next month. I don't want to start the Adelaide effect in Melbourne.

The trick is to play a room that you... So the trick is to play a room... Now, that might be a two-seater. You need a room where it excels out so people try and buy a ticket and go, oh, they've all gone. And then the next time they go, all right, we'll try and get it. Oh, it's all gone. And then you always stay just that little bit under your potential.

And then every time they try, so then the next time, they get their fingers burned a little bit. Unfortunately, we can't find a room small enough for that to happen to us in Adelaide. Just do a phone box or a taxi or something. A phone box, do they still have them? Sorry, I'm from the 1950s.

Probably in Adelaide they do, if I had to pick a city in this country. I've always found Adelaide's been very, yeah, always... Don't rub it in. They always go. They're great, Adelaide. Oh yeah, they're great. You know, both of them that come to our show, they're great. Have you found that constantly ber, Adelaide. Oh, yeah, they're great. You know, both of them that come to our show, they're great.

Have you found that constantly berating Adelaide has helped or hurt your tickets? Oh, yeah. Look, we do have a bit of a spiral where we blame Adelaide for our woes and I don't know if it's made people come or not come as much. I think some people are quite angry with us. But it does drive us insane. And it means that a lot of people send us links of whenever say

for you example I think Will Anderson sold out a show the other day so everyone sends us that and goes look Will Anderson is selling out Adelaide

it's not Adelaide's problem it's like yeah fucking Will Anderson sells out everywhere that's not a you know it's not a relatable thing for us

I played the entertainment centre the big arena there it's chock-a-broke we get it mate I don't know what you're on about. We get it. Well, now, this is a night...

I'm not doing this time. I'm just doing, I think it's just five shows at the Thebit. Yeah. It's only like 2,000. Yeah. Well, this is,

I haven't told you this, but this is what's happening now is it's sort of got, there's, I think there's some people that are pissed off with us and deliberately not buying tickets because of it.

But on the other hand, there's been a couple of people who've contacted us to go, look, I'm coming by myself. I feel so bad hearing about you guys rabid on about how no one comes that I just bought four tickets. I'm just coming by myself,

but I just wanted to put a bit extra in. Still looks empty though. Exactly. Exactly. It helps the bank account. It doesn't help the self-esteem on the 17th of March. I'll tell you what I saw in Adelaide, which I became utterly obsessed with.

Do you know, I went to this music festival there. It was two years ago now, I think. And it's at the agricultural, you know, the shore grounds and all that. I think I know the answer to this, but can you remember the name of the festival? Is it Future Music? Oh, okay. Very nice. Why? What was the...? No, just because the... I think I know the answer to this, but can you remember the name of the festival? Is it Future Music? Oh, okay.

Very nice. Why? What was the? No, just because the. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You never seem to know. Ironically, my tour manager did sort it out. Yeah, it was Future Music. And we went to see, you know that two chains?

Do you know two chains? The rapper, yeah. Yeah. All I want for my birthday is a big booty hole. And yeah, that's all he wants for his birthday. Doesn't want vouchers. It's a big booty hole. And it was one of the greatest things I've ever seen.

Not necessarily the show, just seeing a man on stage rapping away talking about wanting nothing more for his birthday than a big booty hoe yeah and whilst doing it at an agricultural center because there was signs up everywhere you know cattle this way and he's two chains as it was it was beautiful yeah so what kind of... It was packed as well. Oh, so I was going to say, two changes and nothing. He's not going off about the lack of sales. I think people did think it was an agricultural auction, so tricky.

Maybe that's where we need to move to. Where was the venue? Where did you play in Adelaide? The Rhino Room. Right. It's shut now, isn't it? It's moved. They've moved it.

Oh, it's moved? Yeah, they've moved it. Yeah. Them being shut probably doesn't make much difference on our attendance anyway. No. No. But we will be there very soon

because when this podcast comes out, you'll be in Adelaide. Yeah. At the Severton Theatre. So there's plenty of... Please come. Yeah. Don't take this as an invitation to send your tickets back.

Oh, we'll show you, Norman. You know what happens to me a lot in Adelaide, which I quite like, is they've got all manner of local confectionery in Adelaide. And I get given a lot of it on stage. It's a very unique place compared to the rest of the country, I think. I really like Adelaide. Yeah, I like it.

It just drives me nuts looking at those sales figures. I really like Adelaide. I like it. It just drives me nuts looking at those sales figures. I really like Adelaide as a town. Whenever I go there, I'm like, oh, I wish I was here without the constraints of doing a podcast here. This is what I like about Adelaide. I go chatting to a fella outside

the court, right? You know the courts down there? No. Maybe if you did a bit more... the court, right? You know the courts down there? No. Well, they've got... It's good that we don't. Hey, people, we can't even get arrested in Adelaide. That's how unpopular we are. So there's a court down there, and I got chatting to a reporter,

a court reporter down there, you know, does all the crime stuff, and I said to him, rather naively, I said, of course, you know Adelaide's like the murder capital isn't it of Australia and he went whoa I'll stop you there he said no it's not he said that is actually a myth all the murders and stuff he said what it is he said it's it's got the most amount of bizarre murders right but not actual murders. They don't get that many, but when they do,

they're really odd. I like to show off. And I went, oh, this fella seems to know an awful lot. Turns out, he's written a book on that very subject. I read his book.

Very good. I can't remember the name. No, I think it's called Murder City. Right, okay. He sounds like he's a bit competitive there, like he's a bit pissed off that they're not the overall rank holder. No, I think he was trying to say, look, don't start thinking Adelaide, you're going to get murdered here.

But if you are, it'll be in a really weird way. Is that sort of just like Adelaide Fringe? I mean, you hang around the gardens or whatever to fly because there's a lot of people going to see comedy. This guy's just flying outside the court for his book. Someone walks past and says something about the courts. Funny you say that. That's in my book actually. Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

Yeah, very nice. Like a different strain of the ambulance chaser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. Yeah. Well, Pete, you've just been over in Perth doing shows at the Perth Fringe. Yes, I was over in Perth. I was on some shows over in Perth. People buy on some shows over in Perth. People buy tickets over there?

People did buy tickets over there. Oh, very nice. It's lovely. It's lovely in Perth, don't you? I'm like the dogs in Adelaide. You're going to Adelaide like next weekend, aren't you?

You've made the effort, haven't you? Like, you've made the effort to go to Perth. Yeah, yeah. It's a lovely affair. Yeah. It's a lovely affair.

That's why Alice Cooper is always there. What? Is Alice Cooper always in Per why Alice Cooper is always there. What? Is Alice Cooper always in Perth? Always in Perth. Really? Why? Golf.

Yeah, he does love golf. Loves the golf. Is there good courses in Perth? I'm guessing so. Only time I've ever played golf was in Perth. Right. With Alice Cooper? No, with my wife.

We were on the drive. We'll get back to you, Pete. Sorry. We were on the drive. We'll get back to you, Pete. Sorry. We were on the driving range and there was a dead bird and we were trying to hit the dead bird. She hit it right in the chest and its arms, its wings flapped up like that as the ball hit it, my wife. And then, you know the little Zamboni thing

that collects up the golf balls? Oh, yeah, yeah. We just took it on ourselves to try and whack the balls like that as hard as possible. Right. And the bloke didn't know who was doing it because there's a line of golf balls. We just took it on ourselves to try and whack the balls like that as hard as possible. And the bloke didn't know who was doing it because there's a line of golfers. Could be anywhere. And it was just a swearing man in a small Zamboni.

Brilliant afternoon. Other than that, I hate golf. So how was your trip to Perth? So Perth was great. I didn't hit any dead birds with golf balls. But I actually got... I think it might have been the first time I've ever been recognised in the street. It happened in Perth. I was walking down the street one night

and a guy points at me and he goes, Dumb Dumb Club. And I said, he goes, Peter Jones, you're on the Dumb Dumb Club. And I said, yeah. He goes, get on it again. I'm like, I'll see what I can do. I think Ross Noble's going to be in town soon. As long as Tony Martin's busy, I'll do my best.

I'll be right back on. But then he gets, because I was doing a show over there, he goes to me, I was going to come see your show, but instead I'm going to go see Nick Capper. Oh, God. It's a brutal show. Wow, look at all the names this guy knows. Yeah, he knows Nick Capper, Peter Jones from an episode a year and a half ago.

Doesn't he listen to any of the big name guest episodes? God. He finds the smallest names he can find. Hank Marvin from The Shadows, he lives in Perth. There you go. Really? I think it might have been him. One of Cliff Richard's backing band.

And also the rhyming slang for hungry, Hank Marvin. Starvin, all right. So it leaves a lot of problems. I'm Hank Marvin. It oh right so it leaves a lot of problems I'm Hank Marvin it's not really something he did though he didn't get that

going himself that is true but yeah if he's hungry people just think he's showing off and it's the only it's the only

city the only major built up city in the world where you can land a fixed wing aircraft in the CBD. Oh wow. What do you think of that?

How do you know that? Facts innit? Yeah. Can't I? Sorry. I forgot about that. If it's facts I'm all about it.

I'm like the opposite of Trump. Yeah. Which venue were you playing? I was at the Perth Town Hall. Nice. Yeah, it was lovely. And that sounds very big. That's the sort of thing that you put on your poster in Perth Town Hall

and people think, is that what, 4,000, 5,000 people? But would you have been in maybe the disabled toilet room? Hey, look, it was next to the disabled toilet room. Right, right, okay. Yeah, not quite as big. No, it was more of a 60. Oh. 60.

Okay. Perfect size for Adelaide. Yeah. That's what we need. Yeah. Yeah. You want to tear that down brick by brick, rebuild it in Adelaide.

I'm sure there's a 60-seater venue in Adelaide. And then maybe put a curtain across it, you know, as well, just to make it into a 30, maybe. Is the Rhino Room, is that because they're endangered, is that why they... Is it because... Were they trying to replicate the name of the beast, but in venue form?

Yeah, the new venue's called the Sanctuary Room. Yeah. I don't know why they called it that. I don't know. Yeah, no idea. But you've just come back from the UK you've just been in a musical for a year?

yeah, eight months I've been doing Young Frankenstein, I've been playing the hunchback I go in Young Frankenstein in London's fashionable West End yeah, the Mel Brooks and is that a nice thing to get asked to audition for? Well, they don't call it, again, I don't want to give it the big one,

but there's a point where they don't call it an audition, they call it a meeting or a workshop. And you turn up and you go, ah, this is an audition. So, yeah, it's great, yeah. It's even better to get the job. Yeah. You can see you're really slatching in your seat. It's like that, pretending to be a hunchback for

eight months every night has kind of really done some damage to your spine. Yeah, I like to go the other way now. In fact, no, I am in the hunchback position, but I could do it that way. You'll just reverse it for eight months and then call it out? Yeah.

No, it was awesome. Yeah, I got to work with Mel Brooks for like, he was there for. Oh, he was there? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. So it was directed by a woman called Susan Stroman who, she's busy. She's like this big time Broadway.

She's won like more Tony Awards than anyone else, you know. There's a reason for that. She's very this big time Broadway She's won like more Tony Awards Than anyone else you know There's a reason for that She's very good And then Oh there's more ghosts coming through there In the distance Get a potter's wheel out I'll get right up behind you

And then Yeah and then so she She was directing it And then And then every day Mel would come in at lunch time, and he doesn't get up. He's 92. Oh, right.

Yeah, so he'd come in every day, and then we'd just rehearse the show, and then we'd do the previews for it, and then he was around for all the previews. And what sort of pointers does he give you? Oh, my God. around for all the previews and then... And what sort of pointers does he give you? Oh my God, like, in fact on my phone I've got

recordings of him talking, there's one line there's one line where there's this song, first song that we do we're dancing around each other, me, the hunchback and Dr. Frankenstein

and they're singing about all these, how they're going to be like, the two of them are going to be a double act, like the world's greatest pairs. And he sings, Oh, what was it? Is this a book? You don't have your stagehand to yell out lines?

Yeah, yeah. It's so tough now No one in his gertie, Jeeves in his Bertie, Caesar in Cleo Dolores Del Rio and then Frankenstein turns around and just goes, wait a minute, Dolores Del Rio, that's one person, that's not a pair and Igo goes, are you kidding

Do you ever see her in a nightgown What a pair, that's the line Do we have to get in a nightgown? What a pair. That's the line. Yeah, exactly. Do we have to get the rights for this now? No, because I said that. I didn't say it.

Just carry on young Frankenstein. Kind of. I think the carry on is probably quite influenced by my Brooks. Yeah, it's got a certain amount of Brooksy and borediness to it anyway I was going to do it in a real sort of like Terry Scott from Carry On

I was going to do it like oh I want a pair why but Mel wanted it to be done he said he goes

no no I want it like Jimmy Durante and so he went he goes, no, no, I want it like Jimmy Durante. And so he went, he go, what a pair, what a pair, what a pair. And so I start doing that. I said, what, you want me to go, what a pair? And he went, okay. So I press record on my phone and I've got a recording of him

and he did it 20 times over and over again. He went like this. What a pair. What a pair. What a pair. What a pair. Is that your ringtone now? What a pair. Because it absolutely should be. Yeah.

So he's like, yeah, he's quite, in fact, hang on, I'll play you the thing. I saw today that you had him on your podcast that you've been doing. Yes, yeah. Did you listen to it? I did. I hadn't gotten up to the bit with the interview yet. Is the interview just you playing that recording of him saying what a pair 20 times? Pretty much.

It's, here we go. All right. Wait a minute. Dolores Del... One more time. Dolores Del Rio. Wait a minute. Dolores Del Rio? She's one person. That's not a pair.

Are you kidding? You ever see her in a nightgown? What a pair. Fuck, now we can officially say we've had Mel Brooks on the podcast. Oh yes. We know that we could put the mic up to a TV at any stage and say we've had George Clooney on.

So yeah, it was, you know, he's 92, he's a living legend of comedy. And, yeah, and we got to work with him, learn from him and just. Some great sexist advice from a comedy great. Yeah. Some stuff from a different era that would, yeah. Well, you know, it is based on a film from the 70s. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was based, it was a parody of a film from the 30s based on a book that was written... Who knows when? Who knows what the book was? Who knows what the name of it is? We'll never know. So, yeah, I mean, that thing of musicals based on films is a pretty big thing at the moment.

There's a lot of them kind of coming out, it seems. Would there be another... If there was a film that was going to be turned into a musical of coming out it seems, what would there be like another, like if there was a film that was going to be turned into a musical that you could be in, like what would you pick? I'd quite like to do The Mask. The Mask the musical? Yeah. There must be someone in the

world working on that at the moment. Yeah, I think somebody did try and do it. Hang on, The Mask as in Jim Carrey or Mask with Cher, the severely disabled. Yeah. Well, what, the fellow with the big Somebody did try and do it. Hang on. The mask as in Jim Carrey or mask with shirt. With shirt. The severely disabled. Yeah. Well, the fellow with the big face.

The huge face. Yeah, that's the one I want to be in. That's the one. Oh, man. No, that's what I thought. That's what I thought. The Jim Carrey one makes more sense as a musical. Yeah.

Wouldn't that be amazing if that one, the Cher character, if the son with the big face had come out in a yellow outfit and sang Cuban Pete. That's goodness gracious me. That's what I've done there. That was literally my thought. I thought that's what you meant, that movie, because I thought, well, you've done the hunchback thing.

You only want to be in some sort of physically disabled musical. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. That's the dividing line in the age gap between you and me. People my age hear Mask and go, oh, Jim Carrey. Yeah. Or maybe if they did Labyrinth, I wouldn't mind doing that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What else? What else? They're all genuinely good ideas. Yeah. So I took some silly ones now. Well, I thought you had but there we go

there it is yeah but you are yeah that's weird to be in the world and you've sort of had to give up stand up not permanently

obviously but you've been too busy to do any stand up no it's been crazy so just to do eight shows a week so you kind of yeah

you sort of although I was doing like I was doing gigs at midnight On a Saturday Right After I'd done A week of eight shows And then two shows

On a Saturday And then I'd finish Having just done Like four hours Of song and dance Yeah song and dance And then You've been dancing as well

Yeah And then I'd go to I'd go and do stand up On a Saturday night At midnight So And the cast and crew Would come along to the gigs as well, so that was a bit of a laugh.

But you, like, being up in front of the audience in the musical, like, given what your stand-up is like, were you tempted at any point to just go off on a riff and just see what happens? I was given permission. Susan Stroman, who directed it, basically said, she said there's a few actors that she's sort of given permission to, because obviously you work with Nathan Lane a lot and Roger Bart,

and they were very good at sort of riffing. So we were allowed, myself and Hadley Fraser, who played the doctor, we were allowed to, if there was a technical problem, we'd go out and improvise in character. So we character and sometimes because there was a lot of the set would break sometimes and one night the set caught

fire, which was a bit of fun. And you're riffing off the back of that? In front of the blazing inferno? Is that under the banner of technical hiccup? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was sort of like the lab scene when things you know there's explosions

there's these big they'd shoot all these sparks out of the machines like when we were making the monster and then one night it just the thing had moved

and it had heated up the back of the set so that caught fire and then there was one night there was this giant door you know I don't know if you know

the film but in the film there's a bit where they take a candle out and the bookcase revolves. We had this big automated bookcase and then he'd get jammed in it and stuff. It was one night where that didn't come on

and the hermit's house kind of broke and stuff. So they'd bring the curtain in and then me and the doctor would just go out front and then just start having these chats. And the amount of those one night really made me laugh. There's a woman in the front row and we're clearly just buying for time and then

like the doctor would lean back and just go let me just see just get the feeling we might need to no no we're still and so why is the hunchback talking about they should make the whole plane out of the black box material

the audience working out of the black box material? The audience working out. Yeah, Frankenstein went for 12 hours tonight. A lot of crowd work in the middle of it. But what was mad is this one night we were doing it, we'd been on about six or seven minutes. There's a woman in the front row looking through the program, like to check the seat listings, you know, just like,

oh, does this happen every night? No, it doesn't. Because you said you got given license if something happened to start riffing and then you described about eight different instances. This sounds like an OH&S nightmare.

It was. Stuff constantly going up in flames. Well, it was a really sort of, yeah, there's a lot going on in the show. You know, you've got like things flying in and out

on wires and stuff exploding and you've got like, yeah things flying in and out on wires and stuff exploding, and you've got, like, yeah, there's quite a lot. Technically, there was a hay cart when they travelled to the castle. There's, like, a moving hay cart that's, like, got motors inside that makes it look like it's moving, and two guys dressed as horses, while the Inga character does a...

Well, we sort of, the three of us do this number and she sort of hangs off the side of the cart and one night that jumped out of its track. So we're trying to, she's singing away and we're trying to do all these harmonies and, you know, sort of dancing away behind her on this cart and this cart was slowly working its way towards the front row and we kind of, me and the doctor are looking

at each other going okay this at what point do we at what point do we bail out and go actually this is gonna kill somebody and she's doing all these like like amazing like leg kicks and all that sort of stuff so but yeah we were allowed to do that, but in terms of when the show was running smoothly, it's too tight. It's like, because Mel Brooks' stuff is all, it's all da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da. If all of a sudden you start going la-di-da-di-da, it's all that.

It's got that rhythm, you know, and it's sort of, and also you kind of, you know, there's bits and bobs where we sort of and also you kind of you know there's bits and bobs where we sort of and certainly in rehearsals we're playing around a lot and certain things

made it into the show and yeah did you have fans of your stand up coming along and leaving like toffee apples and shit on the front

of the stage that was absolutely not allowed but I know what you mean yeah loads of people from a big coach party in from Adelaide

yeah all just all just putting like... Fruit chocs as far as the eye can see. Fruit chocs, that's the one. Because you... I don't think I knew this about you, but a few years ago you were in a horror film.

Done a few, yeah. Yeah, and I find that so fascinating, like, that you're... Like, the trailer that I watched for one of them was like, really, like, quite violent, like, quite full on. And you have kids, like, I think all the rest of your work is, like, so suitable for kids. What age are you going to let your kids watch this? Like, you just absolutely go and cry.

Because one of them, you're a clown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like a slasher clown that comes back from the dead and kills people using the props from the clown show. Yeah, I'm going to show that to them. I'm going to show it when they start bringing boys home. I'm just going to sit these kids down and just go, just so you know, that's me.

Enjoy. Because it's me killing teenagers. And yeah, the last one, I just did one, which I don't think, it's come out on Netflix everywhere else,

but for some reason, Australian Netflix, I don't know if there's like a takes longer uploading or something. We've got about four movies. Yeah. Yeah.

They're all good ones. Crocodile Dundee, one, two, and three. No, no, we don't have three yet.

Yeah, that's an LA one. We don't get that one. And so yeah, the last one I two and three No, no, no, we don't have three yet That's an LA one, we don't get that one And So yeah, the last one I did, Nails, which was Wasn't a comedy, it was a Like, well I'll say a series It's very much a beam A woman gets paralysed, hit by a car

And she's in this hospital and she doesn't know whether All the weird stuff that's Happening is real or whether she's Imagining it and Yeah, and that was all quite Yeah. Is that a bit weird to get asked to do that? whether all the weird stuff that's happening is real or whether she's imagining it. And, yeah, that was all quite, yeah. Is that a bit weird to get asked to do that? Is that like someone asks you to be in a serious film and you go, did you see my live show and not think it was funny?

It was a comedy when you auditioned. You scared the fuck out of us, so now it's a horror. The thing about, the reason I do the horror films is because, and when you go to the horror movie film festivals, it's sort of the same as comedy in terms of like you're trying to elicit a reaction from a crowd. So when you go and watch these films in a room full of people and they all go, and there's a response. It's the same as... And the sort of pauses and the...

They're films that are designed to be watched in a room full of people. Yeah. So they are quite similar. So, yeah. Because I was going to say, like, the fan base of comedy traditionally, there's some oddballs that love comedy, fair to say.

Yeah. The one, I would say the one big fan base that trumps that is fanatical horror movie fans. So you've managed to somehow go from already the weirdest fan base to the step above that. What are those kinds of people like to meet at, like, film festivals and stuff? They're really into it.

They're properly into it. Kill me now, I'm a huge fan. Exactly, yeah. Here's a crucifix. Would you mind? No. Get out. You need to do a sci-fi movie and really get the holy trinity of weirdo fans.

You know what I do, the way I pick the projects that I do is if it's something that I would watch is if it's something that I would watch and if it's something that I would find enjoyable. So it's the sort of thing where I really like horror films, love sci-fi. I'd love to do a sci-fi film. So yeah, it's just one of those things where I think basically I am one of those people

and therefore I just get to make these things. Have you ever got how starstruck I guess Mel Brooks would be a bit starstruck maybe off the chart would that be

would that be number one or yeah but I sort of got used to it in that weird thing of like you sort of forget and you just go this is

I swear to god you get to speak in a moment this is so good I was going to say about the horror movies. I don't know what that clown movie is called. We'll get around to you. We'll talk about the musical you've been in, the horror movie you've been in.

Yeah, I've seen Dracula Dead and Loving It. Just get to me in a minute. I was trying to think of, you know, you were saying, oh, you know, Young Frankenstein, a musical, and I was thinking, I'll think of a comedy version of that, like as if that would be a musical. Then I went, no, fucking Young Frankenstein's the one. That's the one where

you'd go, you would not make that into a musical. Yeah. But it's already the punchline. Yeah. So whatever I was seeing, I was very much correct. I feel like with the horror movies though, I feel like there is a crossover with comedy because horror movies, because I

got into horror movies for a few years, but I think that the best ones are scary and every other horror film is so funny. Yeah. A terrible horror film is funnier than any comedy. No, you're right. We used to get in a share house. We would go to different video shops and try and find the worst horror movie just as a comedy.

Yeah. You'd seen all the comedies. That wasn't funny anymore. You need something that's not meant to be funny. Then that's funny. Well, have you seen Goblin, no, not Goblin, Troll 2? Yeah. No, no.

And then a film called Best Worst Movie? No. So there was no Troll 1, there's only Troll 2. There is a Troll 1. No, no. The Troll 2 is unrelated to Troll 1 Yeah, yeah, sorry You explain, go on, you explain Keep thinking of the dolls you fuckhead So there's Troll and Troll 2

And Troll 2 is apparently the worst film Of all time And it's unrelated to Troll There's no crossover between Troll 1 and Troll 2 It's like House and House 2. It's like House and House 2, you're right. Yeah, and House 3. And House 3 and 4.

Yeah, they're all completely different. Yeah, because he's a doctor, isn't he, in the TV spin-off? It's just really confusing. And he's a lawyer later on. Have you seen... I've only seen Troll 1. Right, okay. Well, there's a couple of brilliant...

Because I really love documentaries about, you know, like the makers of, you know, about filmmaking. There's a brilliant one. Have you seen that? Lost Souls about the making. It was made here about the making of The Island of Dr. Moreau.

No. Amazing. Oh, because that was filmed on the Gold Coast, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the director, it was like Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer and neither of them

wanted to leave their trailer until the other one did when Marlon Brando finally got out of his trailer he painted himself

white and was dressed head to toe in white was wearing big sunglasses you couldn't tell it was him

at one point he stopped the scene and decided that he wanted to do it with a bucket on his head. So they went off and found an ice bucket. It's insane. It's the kind of shit we do in Adelaide.

People don't come to see it. Honestly, it was like, and then the director got sacked and then he sneaked back onto the set disguised as a dog. It's incredible. It's incredible. And no one asked whether there was a dog directing the movie? Well, no, because there's loads of...

Well, no, because the producer was also a dog. Well, because everyone was dressed as animals because it was Dr. Moreau. So they were all like pig people and all that sort of stuff. I didn't put that together. I thought he just goes, well, a common dog isn't going to get kicked off the set and they fall for it.

But he's in the shot. They got a new director in. There's this little fella, foot actor, Brando decides that he just wants him in, it's incredible it's really a brilliant film but Best Worst Movie is about the director of Troll 2

didn't realise, he thought it was a great film and people started watching it like a midnight like midnight movie you know and then it it built up this sort of cult following yeah where people would go and watch screenings of it and they would shout out lines from the film right like the rune yeah yeah yeah like troll 2 was like the original terrible. But, and the effects are all appalling, but the documentary basically describes about how it became a cult and all the rest of it.

And it's brilliant. I heartily recommend it. But you're right, there was that, like, I reckon scary movies started to get just a bit silly at a certain point and funny and not scary anymore. And then it feels like the way that the genre got rebooted was, well, just make them about people getting tortured and fucked up. Like, you know what I mean?

It went completely the other way. It's like, these are real goofy. And then it was like, oh, these are the most fucked things ever. Yeah, this is what's scary, someone getting a fucking clamp stuck on their foot. But that's sort of always been the case with horror films. It's kind of like, you know, they go in that sort of, they sort of, yeah, they go in those sort of cycles of,

yeah, ooh, it's atmospheric, now we'll show you everything. You know, this is embarrassing, but the film Jigsaw that came out recently, which is like a rebooting of the Saw franchise. It's what it needed. It took me seeing the title of that to realise, oh, those other ones are called Saw because his name's Jigsaw. It took me, I thought it was like, you saw it, you know? You're watching this horrible stuff happen and you saw it happen.

That's why the movies are called Saw. How's this? Now, I drop this name on the podcast probably every week. Sorry to interrupt. Is it not because in the first one… He uses a saw to cut up his leg. Again, didn't occur to me. I thought it was about having the power of sight.

Because that was… I think that was Edgar Allan Poe, wasn't it? Where the guy's chained to the thing and he's got an axe and the rats are coming and he's got the, and he thinks the axe is there to fight off the rats, but it's to chop his hand off

so he can get free. Ah. Yeah. Right. No, I think it's because there was a saw in the first one. Sorry, anyway. That makes more sense.

You know, the actual saw that was in that movie? Yeah. I don't think you knew why it was called Saw because you've never seen it by the sound seen it. That's also true.

And also, after he cut his own leg off, he's a little bit sore. Yeah. That's what it was. I never realised that. Sorry, I interrupted you there. I was just about to drop. I've turned this into a movie. Yeah.

Movie books and musicals. This is Fangoria, the podcast now. I heartily recommend Bruce Carmel's new book. It's brilliant. I really enjoy that. This is a great thing about having a podcast that doesn't have any theme or flow to it. It's never off topic.

Yes. Sorry, go on. So I dropped this name a lot. I grew up with the boys in the band, the Avalanches. Now, the main guy in the band went to uni and was in the same class as the guys that did saw so they're in the same class the whole time those those guys that went on to be avalanches plus the guys that went on to hollywood to make one fucking billion dollars making that sort of thing but they were telling me i hope i'm not out of turn for saying here we go

definitely going yeah yeah no Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but they were saying that those guys were basically making that movie over and over in class and everyone else was sort of watching and making it because it wasn't fashionable whenever it was like 92, 93, 94, whatever it was. They're making these cheap horror movies and they hadn't got to scream yet or anything. Everyone's watching these horror movies going, what the fuck

are these guys doing? Yeah, this is like Clerks is popular. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. And they go, what the fuck are these guys chopping people's heads off for? This is fucking great. And then like two years later it's the biggest thing in the world and they're like oh, fuck, we've really fucked this one up. Yeah, that's

either that story ends with everyone in that class going, oh, okay, they went on to become genius, you know, these like millionaires. They were geniuses and we didn't know. Or they see them on the news having done some full Adelaide style shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were just practising on celluloid. They're the basis of someone's book on the steps of the Adelaide courthouse. Yeah.

Well, I'll tell this. This happened to me the other day, speaking of, like, fandom and stuff like that. I was going for a run and a guy kind of came up along next to me on a bike and sort of was, like, you know, sort of riding along parallel to me and he was talking to me but I had my headphones

in so I couldn't hear him. And now my first thought is, here we go, big fan of the podcast. Someone's coming up, they want to have a chat. You know, I'm sort of thinking like, mate, I'm trying to, I'm going for a run, like respect the boundaries. Take the headphones off and go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, hey, have you lost some keys?

Pat my pockets. Yeah, I've lost my keys. He's like, yeah, I just saw some keys in some long grass just up near the lights up there so yeah i thought they saw you running and thought they might have been yours nice yeah cool but but was he winking at you at the time i think i saw some keys in the long grass but that's like that's a crazy get by him like that's an overly kind person like if i saw keys just on the ground and then I saw someone running, I wouldn't put those two together.

Yeah. And even if I did, I wouldn't tip the guy off. I'd go, oh, well, too bad for him. I would think that you were fearful of keys. Right. You were running from the keys. They weren't your keys at all. Ah, get them away from me.

Yeah. Can't go down that street. There's a trophy shop and key cutting emporium. But, yeah. Wow, that was good of him, wasn't go down that street. There's a trophy shop and key cutting emporium. But yeah. Wow, that was good of him, wasn't it? That's really good of him because it would have been, I was going to a party about an hour later. My housemates were both out.

It would have been me turning up to the party covered in sweat, just stinking. What about this for like, this was a beautiful thing that happened to me. So I dropped my passport, dropped my passport in the airport. She's lying on the concourse. Somebody comes along,

picks up the passport. This was in Aberdeen. Picks up the passport, looks at the picture, thinks, hang on, he's at the theater in town tonight. Drive, gets in their car drives to the theatre leaves it at the stage door with a note all right can i have some free tickets yeah sorry i gotta go watch nick caffida no i turn up to the because i had to get a taxi so i waited

for a taxi from the airport didn't realize i I'd lost my passport, so I turn up at the theatre, I walk through the door, this person had their own car, so they were just straight in the car park, out the door, so they beat me to the theatre, so I've got off a plane, I've travelled to the theatre, got there and I've got your passport here, passport got there

ahead of me. That's nice, isn't it? But you don't know you've lost it, you just think it's fan art. Wow. So think, yeah. Wow. This is... So, yeah. So, that was a...

Yeah, they've replicated. They knew everywhere where I went. They've got all the stamps right and everything. It was a lovely thing. Yeah, somebody did it with my wallet as well once.

Posted my... Found my wallet and then posted it to me. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's lovely, isn't it? Well, I suppose they got your address. It's, you know,

it's the easiest thing to send back, isn't it? Yeah. You've got all your details in there. Isn't the world lovely? Well, I suppose they've got your address. It's the easiest thing to send back, isn't it? Yeah. You've got all your details in there. Isn't the world lovely? Where was I where it was like we found a... I don't know. I have no way of guessing.

Wow, rich coming from you. Is this a new segment of the podcast? Where was I when? And then you give us little tidbits of information. We're actually sponsored by Google Maps. Could have done with you on my holiday. You find someone's wallet in the street that before you've picked it up to take it back to its owner,

someone else has found it and taken the money out of it. So then they are just going to think that you, like you can never validate that you didn't just rip them off. I find it's best to smear human excrement on it and then send it back and say, I don't know what's happened here, but I'm really sorry I found this. It's disgusting.

Well, you are fucking asking for it the next time you use your wallet now that you put that out there. Hey, we'd better wrap it up for another week. Oh, good God, are we done? Dumb Dumb Club, we are done. Oh, my Lord. Pete Jones and Ross Noble,

thank you so much for joining us thank you for having me now Ross you've got your tour which will have started

by the time people hear this it's all around the country I'll be doing that to packed houses extra shows

it's already sold out come and you know what you can use our venue Sydney and Perth and Brisbane

and all around the place and Melbourne you're in Melbourne oh yeah Melbourne as well that wasn't the list that was just me seeing some of the

places and there's a few regional ones in there as well why not check my website at rossnoble.com and also

if you want to I've put a load of got some like free show you can just download for free. Oh, wow. Like a free stand-up show. And there's other ones that you can buy as well.

But just watch the free one. And a documentary about me and my mate spending a week riding around the county of Devon on motorcycles, eating nothing but rice pudding. So that's a bit of fun, isn't it? I've also got one of them. It's on your website. You click other stuff and then all of a sudden it's just this hour-long video of you on a bike.

Yeah, but it's more than that. It's us smearing ourselves with rice pudding and getting miniature horses to try and lick us. That's great because we did, when we did the, you may have heard of it, the inaugural Coastal Mill International Podcast. I have heard of it, yes. We did, oh, nice.

Word's getting around. We did a documentary as well, which we've got, but we sort of have got it for sale, but there's nothing as good as rice pudding. It's more us trying to... Pad Thai. Yeah. And as well, sorry, I know you're trying to wrap this up,

but I've also done, from the dressing room of Young Frankenstein, myself and Hadley Fraser have done a podcast. It's called Podding on the Ritz. Yeah. And it's us basically. It's behind us. It's my journey to become a song and dance man. Great.

So, yeah, you can have a listen to that. There's like ten episodes up there. No, nine, I think. And the Mel Brooks one, Mel brings in and we have a bit of a chat with him. So that's a bit of fun for all concerned. Check that out. Pete Jones, you have a festival show coming up?

Yeah, I'm doing a show at Melbourne Comedy Festival. I'm also in the Adelaide Fringe. So come to that place. And you have started a podcast called Kentucky Fried Chattin'. Kentucky Fried Chattin', Willie. Nice. Every episode we review a... What's it about?

KFC. Every episode, new menu item, and they go for about 8 minutes each episode yeah awesome 8 minutes yeah till you vomit you could have done

fucking 10 of them right now yeah that's how we do it yeah that's good I like that I mean we were pleased

with podding on the Ritz that's a great bit of wordplay KFC is of course my initials Carl fucking Chandler So yeah, very nice Guys, thank you so much for listening And we'll see you next time

See you mates And welcome back to another brand new edition of Everyone's favourite part of the podcast Talking Dumb Dumb Yep, yep We got, Ross wanted to be part of this as well, obviously, big fan, but we said no, we can't let him be part of this. This is our little alone

time. This should start to be the bit that we have guests on. Oh, right. So the main bit... We do a main bit where we don't have guests and then we have guests on Talking Dumb Dumb. Right. So the main bit is just me and you. Yes. Not doing a Patreon read. Yes. For doing a Patreon read. Yes.

For an hour every week. Yes. And then we just bring in, say, Ross Noble to read out an undetermined… What have you got, Ross? Right. Yeah. That would actually be pretty good. I think it would be pretty good.

I think we should try it at least once. And then we just… I think we should try it five times. Then we get rid of the first hour. Right. We just bin it. Yeah. Right. get rid of the first hour. Right, we just bin it. Yeah. Right, we gradually whittle it down.

I think that's what people are hoping will happen but in reverse. We just turn it into the half-hour patronery. Right. And plugs. Yeah. What if we just did plugs for the podcast from now on? So people can't avoid it. I mean, that's kind of what happens already.

Right. We're always keen to turn the plugs into content. Right. You know, the upcoming live shows, the Samui thing. If anyone says anything that's not in some way a plug to what we're doing and what we want people to give us money for, we just edit it out. I mean, you know, inadvertently, like, you know, we're doing the show into microphones and that are connected to a mixing desk.

So in a way, it's a plug for those two things. Yeah, okay. Does anyone buy a mixing desk off the back of listening to this podcast? Some people have started up their own podcast after being fans of this. Yeah, they shouldn't, though. What are you getting out of this that makes you go, fuck, I want in on that? You know what?

I think they must listen to this and go… I could do it better. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the way I got into comedy. The reason you got into comedy. Yeah, yeah. Totally.

Totally. They may have come to a live show and seen a lot of people turn up and go, fucking this podcasting game is easy. Yeah, but this reeks of a bit of a common thing that you have where you go, oh, you know people who are like this and you presume that people are thinking in the same way as you. Yeah. There's no one else in the world who's as fucked as you.

We're all the same. I might be a bit better. Yeah, that's the only difference. Great. Yeah. So, good ep. Always. I was talking

dum-dum so far yes totally that's what I meant main bit I wasn't that into this is really good I'm not sure

if I was there yeah no memory of that we tend to record talking dum-dum a little bit after that so I'd be quite happy

to use talking dum-dum most weeks of you telling me what happened in the episode I did listen back to it today yeah a lot of fun okay that's good that's good enough for me yeah Talking Dumb Dumb most weeks are you telling me what happened in the episode. I did listen back to it today. Right.

Yeah, a lot of fun. Okay, that's good. That's good enough for me. Yeah. A little bit of expansion on, you know, little ads and stuff that we're doing. Obviously, we talked about that at the top of the show. Let's – yeah, look, Melbourne. Looking forward to it.

Get your season tickets. You get to – and people still ask this on the social medias, whether you're on the Twitter, you're on the Instagram, you're on the Facebook, you're in the private Facebook group. People are aware of the little dumb. People still ask, what are the rules with the drunk cast? Of course, we do the four live podcasts in Melbourne, April 1, 8, 15, 22. And then late night on the 22nd, we do the drunk cast,

the unrecorded drunk cast. The only time, the only way that you can hear it is to be there. The only way you can be part of it is to have a season pass which you will get automatic entry plus you pay a little tiny bit of money or if you have an existing ticket from one of those other four live podcasts, you'll be let in later if there's room. And the only time you'll ever see us drunk. Yeah.

It's the one time I drink during the year. Look, I actually don't even drink. You just fake it. Yeah. You're just a really good actor. Just trying to be cool. Just high school all over again, I'm sort of just going, oh, whoa, where am I, guys?

That's what I would do in high school. Right, pretend to be drunk. Yeah, drink cordial at parties. Not where you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just walk around and try and do an impression of a drunk person. Is that real? Put a lampshade on my head. Not at all.

Wouldn't surprise me. No, not at all. But you, like no one else is drinking and you just think it's really cool. Yeah. To pretend to be drunk. All anyone's getting from that is like, this guy is a freak. Yeah, but that's what would happen. Did you ever, you know, surely you had friends like that

that you would go to a party with and someone would be like, oh, check it out. Like do the very thing that you would make fun of now where you'd say to someone, oh, God, is this guy ever drunk before? Yeah. And they would do that and just really exaggerate their drinking. You go, is this good? Is it good to act like that?

I remember doing mushrooms for the first time at school um whoa like cops i got you now buddy there's no statute of limitations on on mushrooms is that the one thing that there's not a statute of limitations on right um no i remember being uh like 22 when we did them for the first time and none of us had done them and we take them and then you're just sitting there waiting for it to kick in and having two mates going, fucking here it is. And they're just like, oh, this is pretty funny, isn't it? And we're like, nah, it hasn't hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nah, but – and then they're just on the ground pissing themselves and we're like, you guys, like, you look ridiculous. Like, we all did them at the exact same time. Nah, but we just must have it constituted. And then half an hour later, like, yeah, we didn't know what we were on about. It's hit now. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly you're trying to force it or you you think you'd like got a dry throat and go oh i think that's it i think that's it we were sitting around the kitchen and we were like when are these gonna hit and then everyone was just not speaking

just bored frankly and then my friend opened up a cutlery drawer and pulled out like a turkey baster and went, imagine if you put this up your ass. And we all just lost it. Like everyone was in tears for about 15 minutes. And I remember just crying, rolling around from on the floor going, I reckon they might have hit, guys. Oh, I think it might have hit me because that was pretty funny.

It is pretty good. Maybe they never hit. Maybe they were fake. Oh, man, it might have hit me because that was pretty funny. It is pretty good. Maybe they never hit. Maybe they were fake. Oh, man, this is good gear. Good stuff. And that friend of mine listens to this show. Oh, right. And I can tell now he's sweating that I'm going to read out his full name.

Oh, okay. So did he stick it up his ass or not? I don't know. I mean, he did disappear for a while. I had a huge fight with my then girlfriend in the middle of, in the middle of like tripping on mushrooms. What? Of that trip?

Yeah, yeah. Did she stick the turkey base drop over her ass? That was what the fight was over. I stuck it up the ass of this friend who's listening right now. She caught us. No, we had a huge fight and then we made up and then we watched Horton Here's a Who.

Was that good? A great night. The fight or the movie? Either. What was better? Both great. Both great? Both great. Great fight. Oh, great fight. Like in terms of, not that I enjoyed it, but like measuring like a fight. A hell of a fight.

The fight was over her. The mass of the fight was great. The fight was over her going, don't leave me once these hit because I've never done them before and I'm scared. And I go, I promise you I won't. Cut to me three minutes after turkey baste again. Going for a, we were at a friend's farm, going for a long walk up the road. Jesus Christ.

Man. Look, hey, you know what? 15 years on or whatever it is, I think I'm finally big enough to admit I was wrong. Wow. We've got an exclusive here on Talking Dumb Dumb. Wait, not 15 years ago. I've forgotten fucking how old I am.

10 years ago. Right, okay. 10 years ago. You know what? Here's a sizzle. Here's a bit of sizzle. For if we, if the day ever comes and if we ever get the friend, I'm not sure if I've said this before, but I've got friends that are in a band.

It's funny how even you making the joke, I'm not sure if I've said this before, has been said too many times. Right. Two little fellas in a little band called The Avalanches, if I can ever convince them to get on, they've got some stories on me. About you taking drugs? About just some bad stories where I've never said because I think, you know what, I'm going to leave it to them to tell

because it's much funnier for someone else to drop me in it than for me to go, here's some fucking dumb stuff I said. Yeah. So I'm doing them a favour. I'm leaving them some choice material. Oh, some choice cuts. Yeah. Yeah, right.

So it's an easy opener for them to come in and go, bang, bang, bang, what do you think about those stories? And I've got to say, they make me look a little bit silly. It's hard to imagine a story like that. I know. But they're the rare, rare stories that are going to happen if finally someone will have something on me. You know what would be great would be they come on the show,

first of all already great, but then a follow-up great thing. They then sample bits of the episode that they're on into their next album. Be my dream. My dream. Yeah, yeah. Look, and that's a question you can ask them when they finally come on really soon. It's not really a question, but sure. When they finally come on, and I'm so positive about it.

I've got to be completely honest. I don't think it's ever going to happen. At this juncture, it feels like an album cycle has been and gone. It really feels like it's not going to happen. You know what? I used to ask them about coming on, and they'd go, oh, you know, when the album comes out because then we'll have something to talk about. Yeah.

That album's been out for two years now maybe. Yeah. I'm starting to think maybe we're not on the press junket. Yeah. I don't know. Am I too? Well, apparently they are working on album number three and they've been tweeting that they're in the studio.

So, hey, maybe the next junket. Yeah. Seems like that's going to happen a little sooner than the last one. So, maybe we'll get lucky. Do not say that. What? It's going to happen sooner than the last one. You do not know that.

That's what people said last time. Well, yeah. But, I mean, it could – I mean, what was the last one, like 13 years? So, it could be 12 years and six months and still sooner than the last one. Nice. Hopefully, we're still doing this show then. Yeah. Yeah.

And then hopefully we still can't get them on. Yeah. But who knows? Hey, hope springs eternal. Hopefully in that time some people that I went to school with could have started their own band and become world famous. So do you think – This band that doesn't exist yet could beat them onto the show. Sure.

Do you think – How many – Maybe Turkey Based a Boy could start it. And beat them onto the show. Sure. Do you think... Maybe Turkey-based a boy could start. And your ex-girlfriend. Yeah. How many famous bands have ever started over the age of 30? Yeah, it's rare, isn't it? Yeah. I feel like that doesn't happen very much.

Maybe some orchestras. LCD Sound System, my favourite band. He started that well into his 30s I believe I think he was 34 or something alright well let's hope

let's hope that happens okay well so a tiny tiny bit of housekeeping housekeeping Koh Samui for the people that are

always messaging us about that um june 13 to 18 of course the beautiful ozo chewing samui is supporting us there we're we're doing shows from there where most of us are staying there of course a little bit of an update um if you want to stay in its sister location as as rooms i'm not really sure what the situation with the rooms at the Ozo is at the moment. I believe there's not many. And the rooms that are there are probably of the upper echelon. Certainly, we've run out of a discount there. But there is a discount at their sister resort that is just up the road a bit

at the beautiful Amari Resort in Koh Samui. at the beautiful Amari Resort in Koh Samui. And if you put in the code PODCAST18 into their website, not through a third party, but into their website as a promotion code, you will get a very considerable discount. And it is a very beautiful resort. So for the people that keep inquiring about that, that is the answer to that. We have, I believe there is a few,

a decent number of people that are staying up there already associated with us so that's good. Of course we're very much looking forward to that. We're still dealing with bars and all of that sort of stuff and figuring out dates. Of course there's the Copenhagen, the Koh Samui International Podcast Vessel Roadshow happening on Copenhagen on June the 19th, of course. So if you're still booking your flights and a comm

and all that sort of stuff, yeah, manage it around that. And of course, I'll be giving, you know, if you're on the socials and if you need, we'll be releasing the location of the show for Copenhagen at some stage in the next month or so, hopefully. Just because it's very hard to source a place that wants to host a podcast festival in Copenhagen at the moment. I would have thought it was bold to think that we could do that

without being on the island. I thought the location would have been us working it out on the day that we get there yeah no we can't do that we can't do that although maybe we could do that but i'm trying not to do that knowing us yeah previous organization wise anything to go by well probably what we will end up doing well we you know we got the ozo chewing samui resort you know organized bloody eight out. So if we can do that. Yeah, look, it's just, you know what? It's such a, it's a small island and it's pretty laid back over there. So I've been sending all these messages to all these bars over there

and they're just, you can see they're just seeing the message and going, anyway, let's go out and have a beer. Yeah. So no one's too fussed about hosting now. Hey, look, if there's anyone that listens to us on the island of Copenhagen, give me a call. Oh, great. Wow.

I wonder if there's anyone... It would have been bizarre for them to not reach out already. Not until I get a personal shout-out will I hit the email button. They're going, yeah, well, you know, you're more of a Koh Samui sort of a podcast. You know, maybe you're not talking to us. You wouldn't want anything to do with us over in stinky old Koh Phangan. Fuck, imagine if we had listeners in Koh Phangan that knew about the Koh Samui Podcast Festival.

Sorry, it's just too far to go. I hope that's the case. That would be very good. Because that's funny. Yep. So do you want to do the Patreon read? I'd love to. Of course what we do here is we, if you've never heard this before,

we have a Patreon site which is a little place where you can donate money to us to keep the engine running in here. What you do is you chuck in what you think the show's worth and then you get some sweet little bonuses, some sweet little kickbacks. You might get a bonus podcast every month. You might. Look, you definitely will if you're putting $10 a month. Yeah, I was going to say.

Yeah. Odds are it's going to happen. And if you put $5, there's a magazine that we put out. Of course, if it's $10, you get the podcast and the newsletter as well. And if it's above $5, $5 or above, you get your name read out. Some people are very keen on that happening and some people are not so keen. And I would say pretty much the people not so keen are the people that don't give us any money.

I think that's a good sign. Right. Yeah. Some people go. Voting with their wallets. Yeah. Some people say, oh, I would support you, but I don't want my name read out. Yeah.

I think you just don't want to give us any money. Yeah. I don't think that's a great reason. You can specify that too. Yeah. When you subscribe. Yeah, totally. Totally.

I would probably ignore it, but still. So we do a different number every week. Yep. We were talking about the Spice Girls before at the start of the ep. Yep. What about the number of Spice Girls that there are? You want to do six? Plus their manager.

Seven. Seven. All right, let's do seven. Wait, is that how many? And we're away. Right, so I've hit the big button. I'll keep thinking. I'll try and remember how many Spice Girls there were.

Okay. I've hit the big red button on the on-playing title alternator this week. Number one. First kept off theator this week. Number one. First kept off the rank this week. Thank you very much. From the bottom of my heart, and I can't speak for Tommy, but definitely the bottom of my heart. Top of mine.

Top of yours. Service level. Hard to commit without knowing what the name is. Right. Yeah, I've gone in a bit early, haven't I? I've fallen for her, whoever she is. And who she is is, thank you, Rachel Merrill. Merrill.

I've fallen hard. You think that's an attractive sounding name? Well, I just committed to the love early on and, you know, now I'm seeing it through. You're trapped in it. Yeah. Yeah, I like the name. Merrill, yeah.

Rachel, you know, the Rachel. Yeah. You know, named after the haircut. Yeah, should the Rachel now be changed to donating $5 or above to a podcast? It's us going, give me the Rachel. Chip in. The Rachel is our cut. Right.

Yeah, instead of the haircut, it's just our cut of the sweet, sweet bunce. After those fees and taxes and whatnot get taken out. And that cash now wants to get back with Brad Pitt. So complicated. But, Rachel, what about, you know, I like the themes where we have, we read out these names and then we have a sort of a something, like we've got to guess their weight or we've got to guess their. Oh, God.

No, but that's what we've done in the past. Did we get any negative feedback from the white thing? I feel like... I think we... I think we got away with it. Yeah. No, people are pretty keen to write in and go... We got a couple of people exactly right.

Right. And then we got some people... You know, we guessed their education or their job or whatever it is. What about age? Age. We could do age. You want to do age? Yeah, I'm just trying to think of one we haven't done.

Eye colour? No. I dare say we'd do age before eye colour. What about what school they went to? Let's Dave O'Neill it up. Let's guess a school. Okay. Or what they studied.

What they, at university? Yeah. Okay, all right. Now you're on board. Okay, cool, cool. Rachel Merrill. Rachel Merrill? Rachel Merrill. Fuck, what's it called?

Sports science. Oh. I've got a feeling an advanced diploma in tourism. Okay. That's what I'm feeling. Right. Yeah. You've got your laptop.

You could have just looked her up on Facebook. No. No, I wouldn't do it. Maybe I should. No. Let's look her up on facebook no no i wouldn't do it maybe i should no let's let's look her up rachel merrill let's see if i can find you on my facebook oh my god on the facebook um this is so weird what are you gonna do this for all of them uh okay oh my god Meryl, let's see if you're going to be... Ah. She went... Don't read out too much personal information. Ah, I can find out what she did at school.

Okay. At university. Yeah. Okay. Should I be doing this? I don't know if you should be doing it. Okay. Because that's too easy.

So just say we're either of us right. No. Okay. That's too easy. So just say we're either of us right. No. Okay. But she did go to a secondary college where I had a particularly good curry one time.

Okay. In the suburb. Am I giving too much away? Oh, in the suburb. I thought you meant you went to the school. No, no, no. Curry day at the tuck shop. No. For some reason you, a 40-year-old man, go in.

No. Okay. That didn't happen. All right. But this suburb. I can say that. I can say the suburb where she went to school. Okay. That didn't happen. Alright. But this suburb. I can say that. I can say the suburb where she went to school. Secondary school. And that's, I'm going to cut you off there.

Really? Yeah. That's as much as you're allowed to reveal. Oh, just that? Yeah. Alright. Mentone. Oh yeah, okay. Right. Right. I used to have a... What the fuck were you doing out in Mentone? Well, I used to have a girlfriend that was on the Frankston line. Uh-huh. And so... Stop off halfway for re-energising curry. Yes.

Before you go to your girlfriend's house to, dare I say it, make sweet, sweet love, just fill up with a curry. Why not? Yeah. Jesus Christ. No, but I would be like – you know, I'd go on a date with her and she sort of introduced me to Indian food. I'd never really had it before and then –

So you're on your way to go on a date with her and you're having a curry to Indian food. I'd never really had it before and then... So you're on your way to go on a date with her and you're having a curry before you get there? No, no, no. She lived on that way. So like I might go

to her house and then we'd double back and go to Mentone. Ah, okay, right. Right, okay. But yeah, there was a curry house on the Mentone line,

not Mentone line, on the Frankston line at Mentone just near the train station and it was very, very nice. Oh, shout out. Look them up. I wonder if it's still there.

Me too. I really do. Melbourne-based listeners, get the Frankston line, get off at Mentone station, then just walk around. No, just go directly over the road. Directly over the road. Yep. If there's an Indian place, go in there and say,

look, did this used to be here 18 to 19 years ago? Okay. Yep. Yep. And if they say yes, say, hey, Carl said he has fond memories. Great. Of the butter chicken. And then they've got to get a butter chicken and let us know if it still stacks up.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then say, look, did Rachel Merrill ever go in there at lunchtime when she went to school here a little while back and report back? You know how school kids just love hanging out down the old curry shop after school. It's the cool Pokemon Go and curry house. Curry, yeah.

Yeah. The sweet double. All right. Well, thanks, Rachel. Thanks, Rachel. For that trip down memory lane. And we got your subject wrong as well Okay great

Which is a shame But alright bang The big button's been hit And thank you to Patreon subscriber Well We've got I'm not sure What we do with this name

Okay Read it out We've got two names For the same person This is a real thing. Oh, okay. I thought you meant just there were two names. Like that's how all names work. Yeah. Right. Okay.

Christian name and a surname. No. Two aliases. So I'm not sure which one's the real one. I'm not sure what's happening. But anyway, I'll try. Joff Lewis Tice slash Jonathan Graham. Okay. Now I'm assuming that Jonathan Graham is his real name and Joff's a nickname.

That's a fair assumption. Thank you. But so Joff, he was on the original, I don't know if you remember or can think back this far, but the original 2017 Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. I've got faint memories of it, yes. Right, right. Is it one of those things where you think you were there

or you've just sort of got images like you saw it on TV once? I've heard of it on a podcast that I listen to. Right, okay. Well, he was there. Great. I don't know if you remember him. I do remember him. Right.

What is your real name didn't come up in conversation at any point. Okay, right. Well, so we called him Joff, I'm pretty sure. I think if you're on, I might be Jonathan Graham. I guess we're allowed to say that. I don't know. Well, fuck, it's complicated. Jeez, this is a minefield, this one.

I know. This is maybe the most controversial bit of the show that's ever happened. Yeah, I'll say. This is. I hope this doesn't get out to the papers. So thank you to Geoff. Thanks for coming to Coast to Moon. I believe – I saw him at a show the other day.

Me too. I saw him at two shows. Oh, all right, mate. He asked me for information about the 2018 Coast to Moon podcast festival. So he's coming to that as well. Right. Okay. What information did he ask?

He asked, I think, about the Copenhagen Roadshow. Okay, right, right, right. Yeah. Right. Which indicated to me that maybe he's coming to the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Well, you just said he asked for information about it, which makes it sound like he hasn't heard anything about it on this podcast,

which suggests to me that he no longer listens. No, no, no, no. That would be strange to come on a holiday with us one year and then come home from it and go, you know what? Fuck these guys. I'm not going to listen anymore. What I do love is we keep getting information like that where – and it's lovely for people to bring their friends along or whatever to a live show.

And they'll do that. And I kind of think if you brought along someone to our show and our live shows are generally pretty funny and they all go really well, you'll watch that and automatically be a convert and be a listener. Yeah. But I keep hearing stories of like, oh, yeah, I brought my partner along and, you know, it was a great show last year. Anyway, they've never listened since.

It's never happened. Like what's it going to take? Yeah. And then they get a great show last year. Anyway, they've never listened since. It's never happened. Like, what's it going to take? Yeah. And then they get dragged along the next year. It's just like some people have got this relationship where they just see us once a year at some live show and then go, oh, yeah, I guess I'll catch up with those idiots next year. I would like to organise a show that we do

that is exclusively for friends of listeners. Right. The listeners themselves don't come. They have to drop their friend off out the front and then we just fucking do our best for an hour in front of a room full of people that don't know us. I'm scared of that. I think that would be fun.

I don't think it would be good at all. I don't think it would be good at all. Anyway, but Joff slash Jonathan, he's coming to Samui. He's planning on coming to Copenhagen as well to this very well-organised roadshow trip that we're doing. Yep. So what did he study and what's his favourite curry? What's his favourite curry house?

Where is his favourite curry house? Where is his favourite curry? Okay. Well, I know that he's from Ballarat. He's not. So I dare say it's in Ballarat. He's not. Okay.

I think he's from another country town. Okay. That's near Ballarat? It's in the same state. Well, Ballarat's the big smoke, so I dare say his favourite would be in Ballarat. Yeah. Yeah, that's a fair, that's a very fair assumption. What do you study?

I don't know I know something that he does But I feel like I've already given away too much about him So I don't want to say Because it would make it way too obvious who he is So just make something up then I mean we've already read out two of his different names Yeah

Yeah I don't know Why are we so scared about people finding these listeners? Like we think they're all in witness protection or something. Well, plus this goes on because his brother hit me up to say he needs to be – I mean, I know it's all random. He has a brother. There we go. Anyone could find him now.

Oh, fuck. Now all you need to do is Google guy that has a brother and you fucking find this guy straight away. Sorry. He could be in the witness protection system. I think we've said too much already. All right. Well, thanks, Joff.

Thanks, John Smith. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Daniel Gane. Daniel Gane? I can't believe I've ever seen that as a surname. Me either. G-A-N-E. No pain, no gain. Oh.

More like yes gain, putting money in our bank account. Oh, yeah. Gain makes us gain. Yeah. Like Dil gains kilos, we gain dollars from Daniel. No need for that, but sure. Oh, are we drawing a line? Is that it?

Gosh. I have a thing about whacking him when he's not here. Oh, okay. Feels weird. And also I know he likes it too much. Stupid fat idiot. Daniel Game. Well, thank you.

And I believe, if I'm not mistaken, and look, there's a chance I am. I believe he did engineering. Yeah. You've looked him up, haven't you? No, I haven't. My hands are free. I haven't looked up anything. So that's just a guess.

Yes. Oh, okay, engineering. Yeah, I reckon, you know what? I get a good feeling about engineering. I'm going to agree with you. Oh, okay, finally. It's the first time in 620 episodes we agree on something. Not 620 episodes.

I did a few when you weren't here. That's more than a few. That's like double the amount that we have currently. Okay. What are you doing? Talking to the fucking microphone. What are you doing? I'm trying to look up Daniel Cain to see how he went.

Daniel Cain. There's no, like... All right. All right. Where is he? Okay. All right. All right.

Where is he? Okay. I don't – if this is the Daniel Gane, he went to TAFE. It doesn't say what he did at TAFE, so he didn't do university. Yeah. Well, you know, it all comes out in the wash, doesn't it? I'm not sure if it does. Favourite curry house then? Yep.

I just reckon the location of the curry house isn't – I reckon you've got to pick the curry. Okay. Lamb korma. I will go with the beef vindaloo. Okay. You think he's a real basic bitch? You think that's basic?

I think beef vindaloo is extremely basic. Butter chicken is pretty basic too, I guess. That's the most basic. Yeah. But vindaloo, I guess, is for what you – it's like if you're writing something and you're mentioning a curry, you go for vindaloo because it's a funny sounding word. Yeah. So to me, it's like that's the default kind of like –

I think it's a default reference but it's not default food because it's sort of the hottest. So it's not the basic. It's the fucking hottest thing you can have. All right. You think old Gainsey likes it spicy. Yeah. I'm going to – having said that, I'm going to put my hand up and say never had a beef vindaloo.

I don't know that I ever have either. You know what? I've got these weird little rules. For some reason, I don't have beef I ever have either. You know what? I've got these weird little rules. For some reason, I don't have beef when I have Indian. Right. Yeah. That is a weird little rule. Yeah.

I don't know why. But there's some places where I only have beef. I won't order chicken. Right. Indian and no beef. I've got a no beef rule. I don't have beef with – I have beef with beef in Indian. Great.

We got there. Thanks, Daniel. Thanks beef rule. I don't have beef with... I have beef with beef in Indian. Great. We got there. Thanks, Daniel. Thanks, Daniel. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mark Sanders. Sanders? The colonel himself. The great man. Yeah.

This is just average Sanders. Kentucky fried curry. KFC. This is just citizen civilian Sanders. That's where his favourite curry shop is in Kentucky. I've picked it straight away. Yep. Okay.

What was the first? Mun? Mark. Mark. Mark Sanders. Mark Sanders, I reckon he favours A, Sag Paneer. Oh. And I reckon Arts Degree Baby. Oh. And I reckon... Arts degree, baby.

Oh. I would say he is... Oh. He seems to be bringing you to climax right now, judging by that noise. I'm trying to get to that mental state where you can just know everything and you're at one with the universe.

You're like trying to astral project into Mark Sanders' house. Go looking for that framed diploma on the wall and the Indian restaurant menu on the fridge with one item circled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With this is my favourite written underneath. As we all do. I'm trying to astral project into the job interview where he's applying for it and I'm the guy that's interviewing him

and I'm saying, if you can just show me your reference, if you can just get that out for me. And by the way, every day we have curry for lunch in this office. Yeah, look, this interview is going too long. It's 12.30. What say we go to lunch together right now and we come back and talk about the rest of the interview after that. I'll phone ahead. Tell me now what I should order. Tell me now. Let me stress it.

Definitely order your favorite thing. Don't just get something that you feel like on a whim right now. Order your absolute favorite. And don't waste anyone's time. Hold up your diploma with the Indian menu circled. Both circle what you want now and what you studied. And all this explanation is taking way too long in the room.

You can feel yourself slipping back into your actual body. You're like, no, speed it up. I'm hanging on there. I'm hanging on. I think I can see it. I think I can see it. Tommy. Walk towards the light, Carl.

Kill yourself. Walk into the light. Tommy, I think I can see it. He did teaching and... Now what's his... What did he study? Oh, God. You've forgotten the names of other curries, haven't you?

I can't. You hillbilly. Beef, indaloo and butter chicken are off the table. I know. It's impossible for more than one person to like a thing. Beef or black bean sauce. There you go. That's not Indian.

I know. We didn't say it had to be Indian. We just said favourite curry. Oh, yeah. So you could pick one of your precious Thai curries. It's not a curry. It's Chinese. Yeah Indian I know We didn't say it had to be Indian We just said favourite curry Oh yeah So you could pick one of your precious Thai curries That's not a curry That's Chinese Yeah I know

I feel like we fail on every level Well I mean just one of us You had a full out of body experience You were able to fucking See into this guy's past And you still couldn't come up with an answer Yeah That is a bit of a failure

To be able to jump into Into dimension able to jump into a different dimension basically and still not remember what's on the fucking menu at an Indian restaurant. I don't mind this. We've done different ones every week but I kind of like the idea of keeping, at the very least, favourite food on the table. Okay. All right. Well, I'll tell you what,mmy i don't mind saying this

i am mentally drained from astral projection right but we've only there's according to google there's we've only done half of the space girls google there's 96 spice girls wow we've only done four names holy shit so we'd be i, we'd be calling it so early. We should do a new segment where you just name all the nicknames of the 96 Spice Girls then. Oh, okay. There's Posh, there's Baby, there's Scary, there's Ginger, Sporty. Right, by my count that's-

91 to go. That's 95. Well, I'm- What? Groucho. Chico. And that's it. Harpo.

Huey, Dewey and Louie. Yes, go on. My neck. My back. My pussy. My crack. My pussy spice. That's a member of the Spice Girls.

Wow. It's weird for her to be so early on in the countdown. She should be number 96. Was that your favourite of the Spice Girls? Oh, definitely. No, I'm a bit of a weirdo. I'm a bit more of a fan of my neck. Right.

I got a bit of a weird fetish thing going on. Like necks. Really? Yeah, got nothing. Got nothing of an ex. All right, so we'll do one more. Last one. One last one.

One last one. Let's get out of here. It's another late night edition of Talking Dum Dum where we both would much rather be in bed. I'm going to make that call. Definitely. What's the time? 1021.

Yeah, I'd be starting to think about bed. Yeah. Yeah. I want some bed action. Crawl in and read my little book. Oh, yeah, you got a book. Got a bed. Yeah. Yeah. I want some bed action. Crawl in and read my little book. Oh, yeah, you got a book. Got a little book on the go. What do you got?

Norwegian Wood. Oh, they made that? It's a novelisation of the song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They stretched it out. There's a page of photos in the middle of it from the song. Got a couple of those ones, a couple of spreads through. Yeah, yeah, yeah, really.

Font's pretty big. It's taken me a couple of spreads through. Yeah, yeah, yeah, really. Font's pretty big. It's taken me a while to get through. Yeah, it's funny. I'm actually reading Love Me Do at the moment. Right, the sequel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay. It's okay.

I feel like they got most of the good stuff into the song, to be honest. Yeah, there's a bit of padding. So, speaking of padding um let's do this now look a lot of people criticize me um the end yeah now they the reasons why one of them is that you know people criticize about the that i've read some of these names out twice before. Yes. I think that's unfair. I'm doing my best. I'm doing what I believe to be a good job. Well, none of that's untrue.

I'm doing the Lord's work. I'm just using the software that is supposedly supposed to be the best thing for the job. Yeah. You know? I update it most weeks. So it's the newest technology. So, you know, I'm doing everything I can, I think. Yeah.

And sometimes things slip through the net, but I've really tried this week. Okay. Okay. I have – like I said, I've updated – I've done all the updates. I've double-checked it across hard copies. Oh, so you printed them out? Yeah. And you cross-referenced that to the digital version?

I've gone through the entire history of the show and made – you know what? I've even made a list of every word we've said on this show just to double-check. Oh, really? Yeah. So I've got a complete big listing of every word we've said on this show of cross-reference that I believe I'm definitely – we've got – here's a name that we haven't had on before. Okay, fantastic.

Right. So thank you to Patreon subscriber MrComedy. So thank you to Patreon subscriber Mr Comedy So thank you for chipping in And listening to the show And putting your money where your mouth is And you know keeping the lights running in here Because we Really appreciate it

Look I know you're just saying you went to all this extra work this week And I don't want to shit all over that Yep, that's appreciated, thank you However, you stupid cunt Now we have had a Mr Comedy already In fact, I believe it was It was one of the first It was the first member of the comedy family

that I believe we ever met. Now, look, now, I'm not saying that it's the same – I'm not saying that it's the same person because, I mean, Mr. – you know, it's just a prefix. Right. So there could be, you know, it could just be a different person with the last name comedy who happens to be a man. Hard for me to believe given all the things I just said,

all the things I just said about that I'd obviously been checking everything. Yeah. So it seems to me a little bit weird that I would have such a run-up and describe all the hard work I'd done. Yeah, yeah. And then the end of it is the opposite of what I've just said. You're right. It is weird.

Now, I find that that would be a very weird exercise. Hey, I agree. So, one of us has got to be wrong. Surely. Well, I don't think either of us has to be wrong. Oh, really? I mean, like I said, I've heard the name Mr Comedy on the show before. I'm trying to let you off the hook here.

If I was not a good friend, I would just go, you idiot, it's clearly the exact same person. I'm trying to, I'm giving you an olive branch here and saying, this could be a different person that's also a Mr. Comedy. I mean, look, there could be hundreds of these guys

in the world for all we know. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. I mean, in many ways, a lot of these guys in the world for a winner. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah, you're right. There could be – I mean – I mean, in many ways, a lot of times in this bit of the show, the name that you read out could just be simplified to Mr Comedy. Yeah, you're right. I mean, look, Tiger Woods comedy, Tram comedy, Donald J comedy, Super Comedy.

Super Comedy could go either way. That could be a missus. John Wilkes comedy. Super comedy. Super comedy could go either way. That could be a missus. John Wilkes comedy. Yeah, they could all be. I've forgotten a lot of things. Especially when you hear them all said in a row together. Boy, it's pretty damning stuff. It's a, yeah, we've had some, in a way,

we've had some weird named people contribute to the show. It's a veritable, what, yeah, we've had some, in a way we've had some weird named people contribute to the show. It's a veritable, what's the opposite of a gold mine? Yeah, um, death trap. Well,

uh, I think we've got to give this guy like a, like Mr Comedy 2, because otherwise how are we going to tell these guys apart at our yearly Patreon end of financial year party that we have? It's coming up. It's not too far away now. Oh, when is it?

Well, at the end of financial year. Oh, okay. I thought maybe that was – Well, Patreon's end of financial year is March the 15th. Oh, really? So it's pretty soon. That is very soon. I can't remember when people are hearing this.

Some might say that it's tomorrow for the people that are just hearing this. Or no, in a week. It's in a week. Hey, sneak peek for the listeners. We got an episode in the can for next week before we did this ad. More importantly, Mr. Comedy.

Mr. Comedy 2. What did he study? And what's his Indian dish? Comedy. He studied comedy? Mm. Or is that his Indian dish? Well, I'm trying to think.

I'm feeling so tired. I feel like I'm slurring my words now. Mm. I'm getting too tired. I left an hour ago. This is a figment of your imagination. This is a beautiful dream. I reckon he studied comedy and what's the funniest curry?

Well, you just said vindaloo. Well, yeah, vindaloo. I feel like, but if you're going to be truly comedy, you can't say the same thing. My cat is rolling up. What's in your bag that carries the microphones? Because my cat is going insane.

Yeah, nothing. Good that now I'm going to take this bag back into my room and transfer this fucking cat hair into my house. You shithead. Crunchy. Oh, you're killing Tommy. You are getting stuck into that microphone bag.

No, it's because it's got like a little, it's a tote bag, so she's enjoying the handle. Oh, is that all? I think she's trying to hang herself. She genuinely has got her head through the handle and she's rolling around in it because she's been listening to this for 45 minutes going, take me now. Well, that's pretty rich considering Crunchy Comedy started subscribing

like about three weeks ago. Yeah. It's pretty weird that she's now trying to kill herself rather than listen to the things she sponsors. A typical listener of this show. Right. A cat. Yeah.

Okay. So, studied comedy, favourite curry is up the bum no babe. Oh, wow. There you go. Now that's a spicy one. That's as hot as they come. Oh, we got there. All right, guys, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club.

Thank you to everyone who contributes to the show. We really appreciate it. Come see us at one of our live shows, Melbourne, Adelaide. Yes, a bunch of great episodes coming up in the feed the next few weeks. Yeah, heaps of great stuff that we've got booked in, which we're looking forward to bringing to you. Come say hi. We're going to be all around the joint.

You know, all the shows will hang around afterwards. Come and see the show. We've got great, great, great guests. Apart from the fact you get to see your two little chums that you listen to every week, we've got great different guests at all of those show. We've got great, great, great guests. Apart from the fact you get to see your two little chums that you listen to every week. We've got great different guests

at all of those cities and it is the time of the year to come and, you know, have an absolute belt up. We're going to have so much fun

the next couple of weeks. So, we'd love you to be part. Yeah. Guys, we'll see you next time. See you, mates. This podcast is part

of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. See you mates