The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 388 - Tony Martin & Luke McGregor

Episode Date: March 14, 2018

It's time for our yearly visit of Karl's DVD shelf as TONY MARTIN swings by the podcast, along with LUKE McGREGOR! We check in on the Faulty Towers Dining Experience for 2018 and hear about Tony's Vegas wedding. PLUS Luke's been watching scary movies and Tommy's dad has an interest in Bitcoin. This episode is brought to you by Celia Pacquola and her new show All Talk! March 28 - April 8 at the Comedy Theatre. Head to comedy.com.au for more info and tickets! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:ADELAIDE: God help us, we're coming back. Don't make us regret it. MARCH 17MELBOURNE: We've got a month of awesome live shows happening for the month of APRIL. KOH SAMUI: The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival is happening again in 2018 with guests The Dollop! JUNE 13 - 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. This week on The Little Dum Dum Club, the return of great guests Luke McGregor and Tony Martin. But first of all, we need to let you know that this episode of The Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by Celia Pakola. Wow. What do you think about that? Just her as a person.

Mm. Mm. That's all. She just wants to build up her, you know. Make friends? Yeah. Okay. So if you want to be friends with Celia Bacola, yeah, you can find her probably at the supermarket

near her house. Okay. Should I give it to the suburb? It's not that far away from me. Where does she live? Anyway. Yeah. No, her new show, All Talk, which is on during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival,

Celia is, in our fine opinion, one of the best stand-ups in the country. Absolutely. Would you say you feel that way? Absolutely. In the top, maybe even the top one in my opinion. Really? Yeah. Awesome. Always a great time at a Celia Pokola show. She

puts these shows on at the festival. They, within about a few days of being on it, becomes very hard to get a ticket because she really, people lose their shit at her shows. She is, I reckon she's the most well-prepared comedian in the country. Yes. Yes. So yeah, book

tickets now, get on that. The show is called All Talk. Ten shows only from March 28 until April 8 at the Comedy Theatre. Tickets are through Ticketmaster or comedy.com.au. Yeah, we've both seen her working up a bit of that stuff, and it's great. Yep, she's always great. Very, very bankable ticket in any comedy festival wherever you're living in Australia.

Yep, so go check that out at comedy.com.au. Celia Paquola. Also, Carl, what's happening this weekend? Also, Carl, what's happening this weekend? This very weekend is we're doing a live podcast on, what's the, is it on the 18th? 18th of March? 17th.

17th of March. In a town, yeah, it's like Macbeth. I can't say its name. No, I'm forcing you to do it. This is the last time you're going to have to plug it before we're over there. Okay. You've got to get, because you've been, I reckon you've been too hard on them and to do it. This is the last time you're going to have to plug it before we're over there. Okay. You've got to get, because you've been, I reckon you've been too hard on them,

and this is it. This is the last ad people are going to hear before this live show. This is where you're softened on them. All right. And they go, he's not so bad. We'll buy all the tickets now. We are doing a live show, two live shows, back to back, in the capital of South Australia. There you go.

What's the city? I don't know. Come on. Just say it. You've got to say it. I've been to therapy. They got rid of it. I've been hypnotised. It was causing me too much trauma, so I couldn't... Just try. I don't even know what it is anymore. Just try saying it. I want to see what happens if you say it. I don't even know what it is anymore. Repeat after me. Adelaide. It just makes you scream. That's okay.

Yeah, and I'm bleeding from the eyes as well now. Yeah, I did notice that. I thought that was happening when I came in. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. This is a second load. Well, yes, Adelaide this weekend, Saturday, March the 17th, two live podcasts back-to-back at the Rhino Room.

It is going to be awesome. Some fantastic guests booked in for that. Absolutely. And then very quickly followed up, we're doing four live shows in Melbourne, April 1, 8, 15, 22. Get onto that. All of our tickets are on littledumbdumbclub.com, including our solo shows.

So get onto that right, right, right now. But let's do this episode. Oh, wait. Also, I'm doing a solo show in Adelaide on the 18th of March, so the Sunday after, yeah, the day after the live podcast. So come check that out. It's just five bucks because it's brand new. So, yes, littledumbdumbclub.com for all that information.

Yes, this episode with, do you want to say these names? Can you say these names? With our good little friends, Tony Martin and Luke McGregor. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and sitting across from me, as always, the other half of the program, it's Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Let's just get straight into it, hey.

Let's get our two big guests today on the show. First of all, he has not been on for a little while and it's fair to say the career's really hit the skids in that time. But you know what? We figured we'd pluck him out of the gutter and we'd give him a chance to sort of boost him back up again Is this like Quentin Tarantino doing to John Travolta

in Pulp Fiction? Yes it is He's back, this is the big comeback Welcome back onto the podcast, Luke McGregor Thank you, thank you It's nice to be back after sleeping outside Carl's house for so long I say they say you only do Dumb Dumb Club twice. And welcome back.

And so to anyone out there who wants to be on the podcast, just pull up a mattress out the front of Chandler's house. It's free now because I don't need it because I've made it inside. Oh, you live in here now. Oh, sweet. All right, good to know. Also joining us on the podcast, it's the long overdue return of Tony Martin. Oh, thank you very much.

Your yearly visit to the podcast. It's good to be here. And there's a tradition when I come to the podcast. And I thought maybe Luke would like to do it. Yeah, sure. Which is, Luke, would you mind walking over to the DVD collection and just pulling one out at random? Now, I've tried to anti-Tony Martin this episode.

No, no. it ran. Now, I've tried to anti-Tony Martin this episode because we've got a heap of bad DVDs that my wife now has there and I've put all the good ones up top and now you're going to ignore all the good ones. What have you got at random? What is it, Luke? What have you got there? It's

The Holiday. Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. Look, it's the rule of the white cover. It's a rom-com. Everything in the house that belongs to my wife is a white-covered rom-com. I've deliberately put the Hitchcock stuff, the good stuff up on the top. Vertigo, Annie Hall, Lost in Translation. But what is Wordplay?

Oh, that's a documentary about the guy that does the New York Times crossword. Oh, Ifalutin. You haven't got those from the supermarket. No, no, no. I get the feeling most of these are from gold. Those are next to the twirls in the supermarket. If those were all rentals, he made me stop by Video Easy on the way here to impress you.

If you liked Love Actually, then grab the popcorn. This one leaves it for dead. I got a feeling that my wife actually read that quote and that got her into it. That sounds like the sort of thing she'd be into. Such a violent quote. I really went for it. Just pumping bullets into its dead body.

Actually, they've stopped selling the DVD now because of how good this film is. Yeah, it was a great moment where I turned up here maybe ten minutes before you two were due to arrive and I saw Carl hunched over in front of the entertainment cabinet. Now, what I thought he'd be doing is taking the embarrassing stuff and perhaps hiding it somewhere. He tried to trick you by doing a bit of set dressing.

Not only that, but that's what I was doing when I was ten minutes in the spare room out there. I was trying to find better DVDs to surround the room with. Find the hidden Criterion Collection. You've gone with Uncle Buck, I noticed. I just ran out of good DVDs to surround the room with. Find the hidden Criterion collection. You've gone with Uncle Buck, I noticed. I just ran out of good DVDs. It really reeks of like you don't really know Tony at all and so you've just kind of gone this broad brush stroke to just like, what's he going to like?

There's Annie Hall there. Woody's got glasses. Tony's got glasses. That makes sense, right? But you've got two. I mean, you've got a Woody Allen. I mean, problematic. Problematic. Next to Lost in

Translation, also problematic. And then a box set of the Cosby show. What are you trying to get across here? That last one is not a thing. Isn't Lost in Translation an arthouse movie that begins with like a two minute close up of Scarlett Johansson's ass? Oh, really? I think it might well be.

I have not revisited it since the time. You know what? I got it. I used to love it. I haven't watched it since it came out but I loved it because I went to Japan for my very first trip on a plane I think. And fucked an old businessman. And looked at a woman's ass

for two minutes straight. It's the Carl Chandler story. But it was just good to get away from filming Stripes and all those other movies. So it felt good. I want to look up the review score of The Holiday. I want to see how it went. I wonder what you were looking around for.

I have a feeling it might be a remake of an old movie. No. I've got to say, I think you've actually gotten off in terms of all the times that Tony has come into your house and looked through your collection. I think you've gotten off pretty well this time. The Holiday's not a bad movie. Yeah, I can see worse ones from here that he could have been going into.

It's one of those movies where Jack Black has sort of tidied himself up. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got the razor out. Couldn't find the Leonard Moulton, Luke? Yeah. My phone is gone. Now I'm freaking out that it's actually gone

or that I've just put it down at Carl's house Oh really So I think it's You touched a lot of DVDs Luke They could be in any of those Someone else could phone your phone Does that work Yeah we could do that

We could do that live on the podcast Like a listener we can read the number out Yeah totally Totally He looks genuinely worried I think it's fine I think if it's not here that means it's on the tram. Oh, then it's safe.

Easy. Do you want me to send a message? You got it? I got it. Oh, man. I was going to say, I could text it and go, if you found this phone, please call me back. We're in the middle of doing a podcast.

No texts. Okay. What else is over there? You've got bridesmaids Yeah Prominently displayed What if Well when you say prominent I didn't put it there

It's not window dressing It just happens to be Look my wife watches the same movies Over and over and over again But did you know Bridesmaids Features Melbourne's own Franklin Ajay Oh really He plays the father of the bride

Oh that's right Yeah that's right I've seen that Yeah Melbourne's own He's lived here for about 10, 15, more. Since the 90s. Yeah, right. People may know him from Deadwood as the N-word general.

So, and I feel like we should address, like, the regular segments, I think, on a Tony Martin episode are, right, the bad white-covered DVDs that I've got there that belong to my wife, plus, look, the Fawlty Towers Dining Experience has just gotten its yearly five-star review from the Adelaide Advertiser. It has to be Fawlty Towers, the Dining Experience's year for the Barry. Surely it's going to happen. I mean, this kind of run, this kind of perfect, it must be about a decade now of five-star

reviews. It's unprecedented. And since I was here last, I think John Cleese sued them to stop doing it, but they've just forged on. Now, we had a brief moment in the sun a month or two ago. We did a live episode back in my hometown of Meribor. Right. We'd never been up there.

No one from Meribor came. It was all people that came from Melbourne just to see what sort of freak show this town actually was pretty common thing of our live shows us going to places where we don't have listeners

and dragging people along with us we really should be getting paid by some sort of tourism board but so we did that and then we found out when we got there

that we'd just missed the Fawlty Towers dining experience by a couple of weeks and we had outsold them really? so it's like Dracula's, is it? It's just you go there and they give you bad service?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's on the road, so it doesn't have its own home base like Dracula's. No. Like Dracula's doesn't go to Echuca for a week. That doesn't happen. Yeah, I don't know. It would be hard to walk into Echuca and go, where's the scariest place in here. Yeah, I don't know. It'd be hard to walk into a chooker and go, where's the scariest place in here?

Luke, I don't know. I don't think that they do. I don't know if there's an actual live show as part of it. I think it's just like you get this average food served by people in costume and they kind of do like a shit job of it. And it just starts beating up Manuel. Yeah, totally. What if they didn't even bring Manuel?

Once they got there, they went to a chook and went, have you got a Spanish guy around here? And then they just beat the shit out of whoever turns up. Well, we had a listener write in who, I can't remember if I read this when you were on the show, Tony, but we had a listener write in who, he worked at like a golf club or something and they had the Fawlty Towers dining experience come in.

But for some reason, none of the guests at this dinner knew that the Fawlty Towers dining experience come in. But for some reason, none of the guests at this dinner knew that the Fawlty Towers dining experience was going to be there. And so the John Cleese character kept making, like, really over-the-top racist remarks, like, kind of taking it into a real... bringing it kicking and screaming into 2017. And, like, the guests are being pelted with bread rolls at one point, and no-one knows that this is going to happen.

Like, they're just sitting there dumbstruck. They've got to get someone that looks more like John Cleese if they can't figure that out. But then also to confuse things further, there was an actual stage production of Fawlty Town with Stephen Hall from Madder's Hall, as Madder's Hall, I just called it. Madder's Hell.

That's the weirdo Yankovic version. But he was doing John Cleese, and don't you just know that the bloke who does Basil Fawlty in The Dining Experience would have been sitting very judgmentally in the front row. I like the idea of people getting that stage show in The Dining Experience mixed up. Interval, where's my goddamn schnitty?

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Just to quickly put this to rest, the holiday scored less than Love, Actually on Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, right. Love, Actually sitting at a 63. What about this? The holiday experience.

They recreate it at a resort. They recreate the movie at a resort. Now that's an idea. Our bank account's just doubled. Just the idea itself sent our stock skyrocketing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

It's the Bitcoin of movies. Because we're going to Koh Samui in June. Maybe we should be doing the holiday holiday experience there one night. But it needs to be another knockoff. So it needs to be the Fawlty Towers dining experience dining experience. Right. Where we're playing the guys that play Basil Fawlty and Manuel. But we want to do the holiday.

We don't want to do Fawlty Towers. So we need to be, you know, you can pull off Jack Black and obviously I can pull off Jude Law. So now all we need is the female. The Dumb Club, the dining experience. Yeah. Well, that's pretty much just us going to McDonald's and telling people where we are, I think.

I wasn't, did you guys go to, was it the In-N-Out burger thing today? The big, you just pop up. In-N-Out did do a thing in Melbourne. A pop-up. A pop-up today. Yes. The line's down the block. Did you guys make it?

No. That's the standing in line for three hours to end up not getting a burger because they're sold out experience. That's the punt road experience. Yeah. I do love how they do that every three years. It's like they – But why do you have a pop-up thing where surely the idea is to get people

excited about a thing that is going to come eventually, but instead they just go, oh, we'll pop into Melbourne every three years and cook 30 burgers and then fuck off again. Maybe they're not good enough for the American store, like there's something wrong with them or something. Shuck them on a 12-hour flight. That's hard rubbish day for them. Right.

Okay. It really is that company for them. Right, okay. It really is that company throwing its weight around, isn't it? It's like you'll have it once every three years and you'll fucking enjoy it and then we go away. Is it some kind of like California tourist thing? Oh, I don't know. People go, if I want this again, I've just got to buy a 900-pound ticket. I like the owner of a franchise over there just wants to pay for a trip to Australia,

so he just brings a bunch of burgers with him. Just whatever you can fit in carry-on luggage. Just a couple of ice packs. And they were known, the thing they're famous for is their freshness and then they get to Melbourne and it's like these have been in the bag for three days. I was thinking that because are they making them on the spot or are they bringing them over? No, they just would be letting them in on the recipe or whatever, I think, surely.

But what's the recipe? Because the point of it is it's really fresh, so it's like all you're doing is fresh lettuce and fresh burgers. There's not too much of a recipe involved. But, I mean, that's the real trick is you line up. You don't even order. You just go in there and steal the recipe. You just bash the guy making it.

Then you set up your own dodgy in and out burger. Yeah, I couldn't imagine it's a complicated recipe. There's only three things on the menu. Like how hard could it be? Yeah. Well, we were in Moorabbin recently and I'm not trying to sort of show off. You talked to us about Moorabbin for about 20 minutes before the podcast. It's a wonderland.

You people have no idea. But there's a grocery store called the USA Grocery Store. Oh, yeah, yeah. That just sells all American groceries. And it's like being in a supermarket from Seinfeld. You see Cheetos and just all of the Hershey bars. But of course, a packet of cereal is like $14. So expensive.

But it was full of American people. I saw that when I went there too. An American family buying all their weekly groceries from this place and literally buying stuff that we have here. That's what I love. You go in there and it's like everything's overpriced, but then you go, well, I don't need to pay five bucks for a packet of M&M's. I believe we have them now.

Wait, they're getting Weet-Bix. These have been imported over and then imported back. It's like a $50 box of cereal. That's just Weet-Bix, these have been imported over and then imported back. It's like a $50 box of cereal. That's just Weet-Bix doing a lap. But it was quite exciting to see things you've only ever seen in movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is a bit weird to be starstruck by produce, isn't it? When I saw Twinkies for the first time after that Ghostbusters scene

where he goes, it's a big Twinkie, and I had to actually see a Twinkie. Yeah, I've still got it. I keep it in my pocket, I carry it with me everywhere. So you know where that is, just notinkie. Yeah, I've still got it. It's in my pocket. I carry it with me everywhere. So you know where that is, just not your phone. Yeah, yeah. Got it frozen in carbonite. Yeah, but that is that thing that's interesting when you first go to America

where it's like everything I saw I felt like asking it for its autograph. Everything going to a 7-Eleven. The library and stuff and it's just walking around there. Even just hearing the American accent sets it off for me a little because I'm not used to hearing an American accent. And it's like, that's from the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember my friend in high school went to America on a family holiday

and I said, oh, how was it? And he goes, man, it was incredible. Like, honestly, it was like walking around in Seinfeld. And I go, oh, where did you go? And he goes, Portland. Like, well, I mean. I remember going to Las Vegas and going out of the airport and the door was opening and the first thing I saw

was a giant billboard for vasectomy reversal. Call 1-800-REVERSE. You mean put the – oh, no. For some reason I thought that meant I'm thinking of circumcision Oh my god Circumcision reversed Reverse this circumcision Back into itself

I would have thought Actual just normal circumcision Would have worked better in Vegas Because once you cut off What stays in Vegas What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas That's great

Because when I was growing up You could There was I imagine still a thing, like the reverse call number here was 1-800-REVERSE. So, like, if you, like, before you had a mobile phone when you were a kid, if you needed to, like, call your parents, go to a pay phone, 1-800-REVERSE. Just the idea of, like, some, you know,

some kid travelling and like, oh, God, I'm lost, I need to call mum and dad and it's like some doctor trying to tie your fucking tubes. We used to use 1-800-Diverse just to save money on pay phones. We'd just call each other for no reason. We could do it for free. I want to know though, Tony, what were you doing in Vegas? I was getting married.

Oh, were you really? Yeah, it was in 1996. So we went to America, me and my now ex-wife, I should point out, may be listening to this. Hello. Where did you get divorced? Back over there? Yeah.

This is how you're breaking it to her? It's very easy. It's 1-800-REVERSE-YOUR-MARRIAGE. But you – yeah, so the idea was that we would get married on – I remember reading a book. Do you remember a book called Spike, Mike, Slackers and Dykes? No. And it was about a guy called John Pearson who was like

an independent film distributor who distributed Spike Lee's movies Sounds like the sort of book that you're the only person in the world to read. It's a nerd book but there was a great photo of him getting married on stage at a cinema and he had, you know the plastic letters they have around the,

so his wedding was up on the plastic letters and we thought, we'll do that. So that was the plan. We're going to go to San Francisco. Oh, like on the whiteboard sort of thing. Yeah, you know, stick on letters. Right. And so we were going to get married during halftime

at the Castro Cinema in San Francisco and they were showing Badlands and Five Easy Pieces and I'm going, that's a really good double feature. But what I'd forgotten was... I don't believe we have that. You don't have either of those, but 27 Dresses is poking out. You could have got married between Dumb and Dumber and Dumb and Dumber 2, though, if you wanted to.

No, I would want to be the other one when Harry met Lloyd. Oh, yeah, with the lookalikes. Yeah, right. But I'd forgotten when I was a kid, remember you would always see, maybe you're not old enough to remember this, but shows like Love American Style and someone would go, hey, I'm going to get married, better get that blood test. You had to get a blood test before you could get married.

I don't know if they have that now. Right. So we weren't there for 30 days, so we just went, nah, let's just go to Las Vegas. So was the blood test the most romantic thing ever? It's so romantic. It was 40 bucks. For STIs? Was it blood test? I don't know what it was for. Was it blood

alcohol? I don't know what it was. They just said well, before you can get married, you have to get a blood test and that's going to take 30 days. That's the blood test. Unless they were taking the piss. Yeah, some kind of STI thing or that's what I would think. Find out if you're a communist. I thought it would be more likely to have like a breatho

to make sure you're not too far over the limit before you get married or something like that Is that the only reason you went to Vegas? Well the deal we had was like three weeks in San Francisco with one night in Vegas so we were going there anyway but when you say blood alcohol

we got married at the Little White Chapel. And it's famously got a sign where Joan Collins and Michael Jordan got married. Oh, I didn't know they were an item. Exactly. And I always remember we got married there and we came back. And the first interview I had to do on Martin Malloy when we got back was Tim Burton. And he'd just done the film Mars Attacks, where Martians destroy Las Vegas.

And I mentioned this and he goes, where did you get married? And I go, you know, the Little White Chapel. He goes, where John Collins married Michael Jordan. I go, that's the one. He goes, I blow it up in the film. So I'm going, Mars Attacks is the nearest we have to a wedding video.

But all of the photos of celebrities, every one of them was drunk. It was like Dan Aykroyd. It was like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore and every one of them. What's so special about that place? Why did people? I don't know because there's 150 of them. Oh, in Vegas. There's 150 wedding chapels.

Oh, really? We went to that one because it had a drive-through window. Oh, really? We didn't get married in the drive-through, but you can actually do that. The Little White Chapel should do a pop-up on Chapel Street. Yes. Today we can get married in five minutes.

Totally, because it's like, that's even better than doing the In-N-Out, because In-N-Out, it's just a burger. I was reading a thing. Marriage is better than doing the In-N-Out. The In-N-Out marriage chapel. It's just a burger. I was reading a thing. Marriage is better than doing the In-N-Out. The In-N-Out marriage chapter.

But like, you know, getting married that quickly will be a novelty here, whereas the In-N-Out thing, it's like it's just a burger made of the same items that we've still got here. It's insane. There's no way in Australia to get married super quick like that, is there? There's nothing available, you know. I mean, I tried for 10 years, but I couldn't find anything quicker. I couldn't find.

Yeah, you did do it for her, having waited so long for the proposal. Yeah. It wasn't that long after the proposal that you had the actual marriage. So for her, it must have felt like breakneck speed comparatively. Yeah, yeah. I was anti-Vegas-ing about it. I was doing the absolute opposite of that chapel, for sure. So, Tony, were you trying to get your, you know,

that wall of photos of famous people? Were you there trying to get your... I didn't, mate. I'm on commercial radio your, you know, that wall of photos of famous people? Were you there trying to get your... I'm on commercial radio back home. Yeah, that's right. I worked with Shirley Strawn. Yeah. Nobody was impressed. Yeah.

But it was very, yeah, there was just so many people queued up who clearly had never met each other before getting married for the green card. How messy is it to undo it? Well, I do remember someone saying to me that we, everyone always goes, but is that legal in Australia? Like, is that an actual? But I think, yeah, it was pretty complicated to undo it, actually.

You and I should do it, Carl. Live show at Little White Chapel in Vegas. You annul your marriage here right before we go over. Listeners can come over with us and watch us get married. Then you come back here, we annul it, and then you can have another live show back here where you have a second wedding to your actual wife. And then I'll bring along guests that might actually bring

a fucking present this time. Oh, yeah. But for anyone planning to get divorced, have a lot of, what's the, what do they call that stuff? Money. Because we had a completely friendly divorce. In fact, 10 months after we got divorced, I hired my wife or my ex-wife to direct my TV show. It was like a screwball comedy from the 1930s. But I remember even though we had no children

and there was no dispute, lawyers still managed to stretch it out for like two years. Oh, really? Wow. So even though it was a friendly divorce? Yeah, there was so much, you know, there were so many boxes. And that was just, who's going to get all the On The Buses DVDs? I know. Man.

I only got Series 7 when Blakey moved in as a boarder. That's the worst series. I've been watching, a friend of mine, Andrew Mercado, the show business reporter, just for a stir. Knee Super Mercado. Super Mercado. I think he owns a cinema. He just had for a stir the incomplete On The Buses

delivered to my house. So we have just been watching. We watch like one episode a month. We just go, let's put one on. That's not really a stir anymore, is it? That's actually a good present. It's a massive project. But you watch it now and Blakey is like the hero.

Like Stan and Jack are like a couple of rapists. What is the premise of this show? The premise, it's like a double deck. You're talking to three people that have never seen it. It's the most depressing sitcom of all time about two rascally bus drivers. Oh, no, the bus driver and the conductor on a double-decker bus. Okay. And they're called Jack and Stan,

and they're always looking for a couple of smashing birds. They're always grabbing the arses of the clippies. It's basically 25 minutes of sexual harassment in a bus station. Is this what Chris Lilley is remaking up in Queensland for Netflix? Well, there is a black character who's called Chalky. Well, there you go. There you go, big chance. You might be able to do that one.

Absolutely no way. Smouse could come back. No way that would get up these days. They don't have conductors on buses anymore. No chance. No chance that's getting made in 2018. But the villain is a character called Blakey who's got a Hitler moustache and whose catchphrase was, I'll get you, butler.

That was his catchphrase. The only thing I know about this show is through your impressions. Yes. Why were their nemesis catching the bus all the time? He just had to. He couldn't get another round. He's the inspector who's got a clipboard going, this bus was due out ten minutes ago.

You could do the on the buses dining experience. It's amazing they haven't done it. But they, you know, he's the bad guy but when you watch it now he's the most reasonable and decent person in the show. Like he's just trying to make sure the public transport's running on time. He's trying to do that and he's trying to keep the bus

drivers hands away from the arses of the female conductors. Maybe that's just a thing that's an age thing. Like you go through an age where you're barracking for everyone else and then you get to an age where you start barracking for Blakey. Yeah. Blakey's like Tumblr back in the day,

just like calling out this fucked bus driver, like you are going to cop it on Mamma Mia, mate. Yeah. But I do remember Full Frontal did a very funny... I'm going to have to stop you there. Yeah, I know. I'm going to have to fact check you there It was a McAuliffe one

and McAuliffe played Blakey and it was the movie Speed redone with the cast and the double decker bus was going to blow up That should be They should have done that thing at the start where they go dedicated to Tony Martin And the bus was tilted on its side

and Sean couldn't walk properly up it? Look, if anyone is listening to this, is near YouTube, just go and just Google on the buses and be ready to be appalled. Yeah. You've been talking about on the buses on various media for like, it feels like about 20 years at this point. What kind of retainer have they got? I actually did, I found this recently on a cassette

and then I had to go and find a cassette player at like a garage sale to play it on. And I had done in 1990 a five-part radio serial for Triple M called On the Long Boats, which was a Viking saga with the cast of On the Buses. And I think I'm going to get Matt Dow on the pots and pans to upload it to SoundCloud so that everyone can be mystified

for 25 minutes. Hell yeah, I love it. I'll do that. I'm going to do it. Wow, that's great. You've got your book out Tony, at the moment. We can still say that. You're still just off the press trail. This technically is still the press trail, I think.

Yes. And how's it all press trail, I think. Yes. Yeah. And how's it all going? Deadly kerfuffle. Yes. It's going quite well. It's already sold more than my last book did in eight years. Oh, really? So that's quite good.

Great. Because I've got myself a copy now. I've got a thing. Right. Oh, no. Here it comes. No, no, no, no, no, no. You found the typo on page 107. No, you are way more prepared for that than me. Can you pay me back for this? Right. No, no, no, no, no, no. You found the typo on page 107. No, you are way more prepared for that than me.

Can you pay me back for this? No, no, no. I've got a thing where I've got, between you and John Safran, when you guys come on the show and you've had books out, I've gone and got the books. Right, right. And then I've got you to sign them afterwards. But I've got this weird thing where, because, you know what,

both of you are people that I very, very much admired before I got into comedy. And both of our books are about white supremacy. Yes, yes, yes. It makes it sound like you don't admire them anymore. No, no, no, no. Is that past tense? No, no, no.

Once I saw how it's all done, fucking hell. Yeah, yeah. No, it's just because of the latest book. No, no, no, it wasn't that at all. No, it's just because of the latest book. No, no, no. It wasn't that at all. No. It was because of that. It's sort of that thing where I don't know how to put this. Maybe does this make any sense where I used to have a lot of posters

of like footballers when I grew up. But then once you get – I had a little rule where it was like once I got to the age of the footballers, I'm like, you're not allowed to have them on your wall anymore. That's a weird thing. Yeah. That was my little rule. Not the rule – I don't know why I brought that up actually

in context to you, but it's like you guys are still, I'm still a little bit in awe of you guys because I knew of you before I got into it. Right. You know, if someone starts now, some 20-year-old starts down, I'm like, fuck that guy. I don't have to like those people at all. Luke, anything?

Yeah, like Luke, for example. Yeah, exactly. That's fair enough. He started after me, so no, Luke, for example. Yeah, exactly. That's fair enough. He started after me, so no. No, not interested. Sorry, mate. Yeah, but Luke's an AFI Award nominated screenwriter. Oh, right.

Yeah, well. It's a, I don't know. Did he write it before I got into comedy? No, so fuck him. I don't know if I am for writing for the actors. I'm not sure. I feel like I should know that. He's so blase. I'm sorry.

Once you find your phone, look it up. I'm just saying though, I find it hard to, sorry Kyle, you'll probably finish the story, but I find it difficult to know how to interact with, because Tony, like yourself, I watched you growing up. I watched the Late Show non-stop. So there is a level of

admiration and gushing that you haven't experienced yet because I haven't let it out. But if we would ever get drunk together, I'd turn into this sort of super fan that you don't even know exists. You'd be off to Vegas with him. Yeah, exactly. I was exactly like that with John Clark, you know, just hanging around. I thought you were going to bring Blakey in there for a second.

I was hanging with Stephen Lewis, a.k.a. Blakey. And I'm a bit like that. I'm sort of – I hate to say this because it doesn't sound right, but I'm in a band with Damien Cowell from TISM. Yeah. That's awesome. And we just drove to Warrnambool, did a show on Sunday night, and I am just – four-hour drive to Warrnambool,

I am fighting the urge to ask 700 stupid-tism questions that he would have been asked a hundred times before. They were catchy. They were really good songs. That's right. The stop song was amazing.

Very underrated. Well, this is like you, last time, like Tommy said, the yearly episode with Tony Martin where we get enough gumption to ask you to come over to our house and hope we're not haranguing you too much.

Not at all. Last time, we were always very, we were always a bit worried about it. I am. Right. And then last time when we did the episode, the guest was Dilruk Jai Singh, the other guest. Yes. After the show, Tommy had to go. And then we just asked you questions about showbiz for honestly five hours.

It was a very long night. We went through the history of comedy, everything you'd ever done, anything you'd ever heard of, and then we started just on just any half-substantiated gossip you'd ever heard about anyone. Because we did the podcast here. I had to leave to go and do another podcast. I drove to the other side of town. I did that podcast.

I went home. I had dinner, and I texted Carl going, how's your afternoon been? And he wrote back, Tony just left. Not only that, but I think I'm pretty sure we did a 1 p.m. podcast and Dil was late for his gig that night. Wow. But there would have been so many defamatory stories. Oh, totally.

It was great. Anyway, we put together a highlight reel. Oh, my God. There would be so many beeps. Oh, totally. It was great. Anyway, we put together a highlight reel. Oh, my God. There'll be so many beeps. Yeah, yeah. We're just driving over here thinking of now, what am I going to talk about in the post-podcast interview? I'm going, what haven't I said before?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was a shame because, I mean, it's not going to help anyone else at home, but when we finally staggered out of this flat at the end of it, me and Dil went, oh, we could have sold that podcast for anything we wanted to. By the way, Luke McGregor, best comedy script at the Augie Awards 2017. Oh, yes, yes. That was the Australian Rollers.

Very happy with that. Thanks for bringing that up, Toby. And it's under here, biggest member. It doesn't say where that's from, though. What award show. But just while we're talking podcasts. And Luke, we dug out, I don't know if that's from, though. What award show? But just while we're talking podcasts and Luke, we dug out, I don't know if you remember this, Luke, when you very first started maybe almost ten years ago,

the Summer Lovin' podcast. Do you remember doing those with Ed Cavill at Nova? Ed Cavill and, yeah, Ash Williams. I do remember that, too. We've dragged those out and uploaded them again this week. They hold up. They're still pretty funny But it's so Would have loved if your answer was no

Just put them up anyway Really sick You are not good I really thought that you wouldn't make it up to hearing that back But it's like It's pre-actor and Augie nominations Luke McGregor It's Luke McGregor living in a flat with Ed Cavill I think at that time

I was living with Ed, and it was nervous. God, you can't be much lower than that. That's the real start of your career there. It was weird because I don't know. I'm living with a friend of the show, Tommy Little, at the moment, and I don't know how to act

around a housemate. I don't know how often I'm supposed to say hi when I get up. I'm like, good morning, hello, good night. Do I have to make sure I say good night, or can I just go, like, if he's upstairs having a showermate. I don't know how often I'm supposed to say hi when I get up. I'm like, good morning, hello, good night. Do I have to make sure I say good night or can I just go like, if he's upstairs having a shower and I want to go to bed, do I have to go, Tommy, good night? Good night, mate. I still don't know quite how to interact.

I'm used to living by myself. I'm not quite sure how to interact with another person yet. My housemate, when we moved in together, he, similar thing, he first night didn't know how to act with a housemate. And we're just on the couch. He's like, anyway, I'm going to bed. I'm like, all right, night. And he comes over and gives me a handshake.

Yeah. And I'm like, you have to do this every night from now on. It's weird. I don't, I'm not used to it yet. And it's, I haven't talked about this before but I I'm single again and one thing I struggle with a lot was um had a bevy of women just fucking burst through the windows but my cat's trying to fuck you what's happening I have I I when I was um with a partner I saved up a lot of horror I was watching horror films non-stop that I'd been wanting to see for ages

but couldn't because I was living by myself. You were stockpiling horror movies? I was just watching heaps. All the ones I'd been saving up for my whole – there's all these horror films I wanted to see but I didn't because – Oh, now that you're single, you've been watching them. Sorry. No, no.

When I was with a partner, I started watching them because I had someone I was sleeping with. There was someone in the bed. Oh, okay. And now that I'm by myself again, they're all coming back and it's horrifying. I can't be home. It's just lying in bed staring at the ceiling going,

I've done a really bad thing. And all of a sudden you're going up to get company with Tommy Little. Yeah, constantly just sneaking into bed, just top and tailings. A lot of bumping and banging coming from Tommy's room. You're like, oh, God, it's a killer. Yeah, it's bad. It's because he went away to Adelaide to do the fringe and I was just in his house by myself going, this is not good.

I mean, I know it's the most obvious thing you could say, but the odd couple, you and Tommy Little living together. It is a little, you know, we both talk about how we've both got six packs and how we both, yeah, it's strange. It's good because he encourages me to be a bit more confident because I'm, I don't know, he doesn't know. I'm feeling unconfident just talking about it. But what about when you were living with Cavalier?

What was that like? Because I'm imagining it's just drums of protein powder. What was that like? Because I'm imagining it's just drums of protein powder. Yeah, like food is fuel, Luke, or a lot of powerful speeches about ambition. I don't know. We got along really well. He was probably the most relaxed I've ever felt in a house before.

I hate to break it to you, but you can't move back in with him now. Yeah. So it's you and Ed living together. Now you and Tommy, when are you going to move in with Tony Robbins? I'm not sure. The hardest one was, you guys probably, the listeners might not know but there's a Tasmanian comedian called Ted Wilson who's very funny but I was living with him for a while and we had just an open, large rectangular cardboard box just open in the kitchen. It was just an empty, it was just an open air garbage bin basically,

like compost. And it would take so long to fill it. It would take a good month or so to fill it. But because Ted and I lived there, we didn't realise it stunk. But when Ted finally got a partner, she started coming around and made us realise your house smells like a compost heap. Because we just had an open-air garbage bin and we just thought that was normal until someone came in and said,

that's not normal. Is this how you developed OCD? Probably. Because I can't imagine you now just having an open bin in your house. I can't either. I don't know why. Because there was a lot of stuff in St Kilda that made me a little bit more jumpy about germs. Someone had sex in my car.

On your car? On your car. Someone had sex in my car bonnet. So I woke up and the bonnet was bumped in and there was a used condom on the bonnet. Welcome to St Kilda. And I'm like, that's not normal. They dented in the bonnet. They dented in the bonnet. They did it in the bonnet.

Jeez. Yeah, it was quite a... You've got to respect that, though. Yeah, oh, you know, good on them. And it's confusing because you could hear someone saying, asking for 20 bucks, you don't know whether it's a sex worker or a lady. Leo, look, I want to talk about this

because I was talking to you about this a little while back. Bitcoin, you're very excited. And this is... I haven't talked to you about this because I was talking to you about this a little while back. Bitcoin, you're very excited. And this is – I haven't talked to you about it since, but this is a couple of months ago in the heyday of Bitcoin. It's been a bit much quieter since then. Right. Well, I bought it because it was really – the websites were crashing. People were trying to log on to be able to buy it.

And I got on. To me, it seems like a thing where it's that volatile. Again, it doesn't seem like the right thing for someone with severe OCD to be able to buy it. And I got on. To me, it seems like a thing where it's that volatile. Again, it doesn't seem like the right thing for someone with severe OCD to be dabbling in. No, it would – and, you know, it wasn't. Is this your – Because I bought it at the tippy top, which is around 24,000 Australian dollars. I bought some because I bought –

Hang on, how much Australian dollars? So it was – one Bitcoin was worth $24,000-ish. What? But you could buy like – Oh, a fraction of it. You could buy a fraction of it. So I bought a fraction of it waiting for it to go to 50, 100. It went down to 14.

So lost just over – no, just under half my money just disappeared. Right. But the good news is… Yes. Oh, we'll sit on this for a few months and you can edit it in. It was, you know, I grew as a person. So did you sell it in the end or… Still got it.

It's just sitting there, not worth as much. I don't know what to do with it. I've got to seriously let my cat in because the cat has been pouring at the door for half an hour now. So I'm sorry, Tommy, I know you're allergic to this cat, but I'm going to have to let poor little Crunchy in. Here you come. Great.

Oh, good sounds. Just looking at the microphone I'm trying to get her on Haven't you taught her anything? That's the problem with a cat If you point a microphone at them They will clam up Yeah

So cats were Were there wild cats that were that size? And then like normal cats And then you got lions and tigers and stuff like that But there's no Testing out stand up gear on us There's no medium cat right? There's no testing out stand-up gear on us. There's no medium cat, right? There's no medium-sized.

I guess a cheetah's a medium-sized cat. Yeah. Oh, here we go. There's an anti-evolutionist right here. I want to talk about Bitcoin quickly. I was out with my dad recently and we were, it's a weird start to the story, but we were in a public pool together. We were in the public pool together. We were in the hot

springs together. Just a couple of lads living it up down at the Peninsular Hot Springs. Was that a spontaneous, dad, what are you up to right now? Is this a daddy-son date? Yeah, it actually was, yeah. But we were sitting in this public pool bit and there was a guy near us

who really had the look of someone who's gone in hard on Bitcoin. How do you look like that? Well, okay, so several things. The first thing was the night before there'd been a thing on 60 Minutes about Bitcoin and it was because it's 60 Minutes, it was a bit of a beat up.

So they found a guy who's – well, it was about cryptocurrency as a whole. They found a guy who's starting the Australian version of Bitcoin. He's called it Ozcoin. Oh, nice. And they find this guy. I think I get it. He's a bit dim. So they've just, you know, it's 60 Minutes,

so they've just smashed him. Like they've really gone in. So if you're a boomer watching that, your takeaway is, well, all crypto is fucked. Like, you know, it's all for idiots. So I'm sitting there with Dad and he's talking about it going, oh, yeah, this thing on 60 Minutes last night. God, what kind of idiot lowbreed would you have to be

to buy in on a cryptocurrency? Just really, really going off. This guy opposite us, you can just see him start to fume. Like he's, but he's with his partner and it really had the vibe of like he's been told many times by her, stop bringing up Bitcoin, stop getting into fights at parties and family functions. And he's just like, you could see his veins popping at the neck.

Like he's just glaring at my dad. And normally dad will go on a tear in public and I'm a bit more like, just keep your thoughts on equal marriage to yourself. But with this, I just wanted to see where it was – I really wanted to provoke it. So like the first time in my life I've ever been like, yeah, keep going, Dad. What else?

Did you notice anything else about it? But yeah, just – there must be early investors who were just like – For someone – I'm just a little bit interested in this, that you're looking at someone going, this looks like someone who'd be really into Bitcoin. What's he looking at you, bathing with your dad, thinking of you? What's his take from that? What's he saying on his podcast right now?

Yeah, it's financial-based. It's like this guy looks like he needs to borrow some money because he's fucked. I've got a mate, though, that I think bought Ripple at like 60 cents So that's a bitcoin as well That's another cryptocurrency And now it's

It went up to 450 At one point And now it's worth a dollar So even now He's still up Right It's just a wild ride Yeah

It's just But I was one of the people Who like heard about it late So when everyone was going Woohoo I got in at the Very Like

I managed to swish three points right at the top of the boom. And then it just went down after that. Have you bought out of all of it? No, I've still, I've got, I bet like just 5% of my money is just in all these different cryptocurrencies

and just waiting just to see what happens. You bought shares in Hot Cross Buns on Easter Sunday and went, this cannot fail. This is going to be good. That was my dad going to me like, these idiots. It's like, just get shares. Like, you know, like JB Hi-Fi. They're just going up and up and up.

That's a sure thing. Get shares in JB Hi-Fi. I'm like, it's a store that trades in solid state media. Like, their days are numbered, Dan. I just want to get rich very quickly, but I feel like I'm actually slowing down the process with all these little trades I'm doing. Although I have to say, in defence of JB Hi-Fi, the CD section...

I knew that would fire you up. But who would have thought we would have lived long enough to see the vinyl section in JB be bigger than the CD section? Yeah, you're absolutely right. I said vinyl made a comeback. Because CDs, surely no one's – I mean, people must be buying them, I suppose. I'm still buying them.

Do you have a problem storing them? No. Because the reason I went from books to a Kindle was mostly because I just ran out of places to put the books. We don't have children, so we just have piles of DVDs. You've got prams full of compas. Full of obsolete media. Full of laserdiscs.

By we, do you mean you and Andrew Mercado? Oh, my God. I don't know where he got the full on the buses, but it is available. Because just for anyone listening who doesn't super know you, you described being married and then divorced. Yes. And then you said Andrew Mercado sends this DVD to my house and then you said we watched it together.

Yeah. So people don't know that you currently have a partner. It literally sounded like Andrew Mercado is just coming around once a month to watch On The Buses with you. I think I made some reference to On The Buses like 11 years ago with him on the radio. He's never forgotten. Right, right.

And I think he's involved with DVD distributors and he's obviously got the full On The Buses box and gone, I know where this will be appreciated. Now, you might enjoy this. JB Hi-Fi. They've done it again. They have done it again. They're constantly doing it again or having just done it again.

Should I buy in her? Yeah, yeah. Now, we do have, you know, listeners of our show, and, you know, with you being part of Get This, you had a lot of pretty fanatical listeners. Now, we've got a much smaller base than what you would have had, but we've got some pretty full-on listeners. Yeah, I don't know whether the Get This fans would have followed us to Bali.

Right, we're not going to Bali, I want to make that clear. We're going to Thailand. Thailand, pardon me. Now, I take great offence at that. I'm not sure how mad I can get at one of my heroes, but this is about as mad as I get. It is the Shelbyville, okay? Bali is the Shelbyville to Thailand's Springfield.

Now, I've never been to Bali. I want to put that on the record. I will never go. But JB Hi-Fi, we have a listener that works in a JB Hi-Fi in Sydney and every Sunday she – you know how it comes up with the recommended things on the DVD? She writes a new one that's a reference to our show every single Sunday. We've got a sleeper agent within the JB Hyde

Amy Amy is her name and she does it every Sunday and she puts it up and we share it on social media and whatever

and they're great they're genuinely great but the thing that kills me is that I just sort of used to assume oh well she then takes it down

every week or whatever but she says no she leaves all of them up. So there's this one store that is absolutely swamped in just references to us. This is like our theme, but this is our Graceland. Yeah, no, no, this is our Hard Rock Cafe. You're going to do an episode from there? Yeah.

So it's just like, for example, I think this week's was, or last week's was, it was like an obscure Doris Day movie or maybe not obscure Tony I'm not sure called it The Pyjama Pajama Pillow Talk

Pillow Talk or was it Pillow Talk I think it might have been Pillow Talk There could be one with pyjama I think it was Pyjama Game Right Maybe it wasn't Doris

That's a musical though is it Well anyway Yeah yeah It's a Doris Day movie Yeah So This could go for 30 minutes if Tony keeps trying to remember

Yeah yeah So that was it and then the description was the story of how Carl Chandler got into comedy or whatever because in my first two years

I wore pyjamas on stage for about three months or whatever so that was and so that store is flooded in these

deep cuts it's not even like you know a movie called I don't think she's even got around to Tommy the Musical from The Who

and gone oh Tommy Daslow she's saving that for when she you know when she movie called, I don't think she's even got around to Tommy the Musical from The Who and gone, oh, Tommy Daslow. She's saving that for when she has an off day. Keep the easy one there ready to go. Right, right, right. No, it's all these super deep cuts. So even if you're a listener of this show and you go into that store, you probably wouldn't understand half of it.

Right. It is absolutely flabby. Can you say which one it is or will there be trouble? No, I don't. I don't think we know exactly. And also we shouldn't. No, okay. Now that we've said her No, I don't. I don't think we know exactly and also we shouldn't. No, okay. Now that we've said her name

we shouldn't. Shouldn't we? I think, can I say, I've got this guess in my head. Don't, so I think it's actually more exciting for a listener to if they accidentally

end up in that one it's like, oh, this is the dumb dumb. I mean, go to all the JBs. Go to Hudson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got shares in them so go in there

and buy heaps of DVDs. Buy stuff. Well, I mean, this will probably inspire I mean I dare say they'll be on the buses we'll be fucking copying the dumb dumb

I used to like JB used to have a range of movies that had stickers on that said Alan Jones recommends and sometimes it would be a movie

you really wanted and you'd just have to buy it with that sticker so I would always very carefully remove the sticker and then put it onto it like a business card and have that in my pocket and go remove the sticker and then put it onto it like a business card

and have that in my pocket and go back to JB and then peel it off and go to the queer cinema section and just find the most hardcore film and attach Alan Jones recommends. That was a lot of fun. That's great. Alright, Alan Jones recommends On The Buses I think is what's going to end up happening after this.

Yeah, or Dumb Dumb Club. That would be great. We have to go. The next time we go to Sydney, we should go and do an in-store appearance. Maybe bring our own little card table and start signing the DVDs with all these obscure references to us. It's not bad at all. But let's get back to your book, to Deadly Kefuffle, Tony.

Yes. Because I've got a copy. And like I said, getting back to that, you and John Safran, who have been on the show every time I'll go and get a book and what I do is and what I've realised

I've done is every time you come on I get the book and then after the show I get you to sign them but then I get a bit weird about it

and what I've done every time is I've got you to sign them but then I've got a bit too scared to look at what you've written in there oh okay so I've got

I've got a couple of books of you and John Safran each with inscriptions and then I've got a bit too scared to look at what you've written in there. Oh, okay. So I've got a couple of books of you and John Safran each with inscriptions and then I've gone, oh, I'm just going to hide them now and never look inside. So I'd like to get another one. I'd like to get a collection of… So I should write something that you will not see for like 20 years. Yes, something like that. So I should write a message to future Carl.

Maybe, yeah, maybe like a time capsule message to when I get a backbone enough to read what's in there. Is the fear it'll be bad or something future Carl. Maybe, yeah. Maybe like a time capsule message to me so when I get a backbone enough to read what's in there. Is the fear it'll be bad or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a very strange bit of behaviour. I feel like I could open them up and go, thanks for fucking wasting my time again.

I had a mate, Blake, who used to do on email, there was about ten of us who were all mates, and he used to do a top ten friends list. Free MySpace. I think it was every week or every month and he'd send out the email and it'd be like, Dave, number one, came to the movies with me. Luke, six. Said he was sick.

No proof provided. Had already seen the film without me. And the first time it was just a funny joke And then I think Weeks went by We'd keep getting these top ten lists And we all started to really care about it Like we wanted to get on top

He made himself the leader of the group Just by these best mates Yeah that's insane power play Because I don't think You go through your whole life And then I assume most people do this without ever asking your friends for feedback. Like just, you know, just, Carl, how was I this month, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rank the three of us in order right now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, great. All equal. Easy. Three-way time. So brave of you.

No question. So brave of you to do. Controversial. So, yeah, so where does this come from? So you're embarrassed and then is it like you feel embarrassed about asking and is it like if you don't look at the inside of the cover it's like it never happened? Yeah, but at least I've asked and I've got a nice little memorabilia

even though I don't know what it is. Yeah. So at some stage, either during the episode or after, I'd love to. Sure. Yeah, cool. Go out of your way to do this thing that I'm never going to look at ever again. I know, I know. Who else is on the shelf?

Who else is? Me, Zafran. It's just you and Zafran. Just us. Yeah. Can we open it up to the floor and, you know, Tommy and I will also just write on random things that you can find. Yeah, yeah.

Like write something on the holiday. Yeah. Or just something in the back of the fridge. See if you ever find it. If you bring a Utopia DVD around and you can sign that, that's fine. You can't be signing someone else's stuff. You're not in the holiday. But speaking of that horrible slight you did about mentioning Bali rather than Thailand.

Sorry about that. Very offensive. I'll just update one little thing, which is I spoke, I think, last week it was or the week before about I went to Koh Samui, which is the place I sort of tend to nearly always go, and I gave someone the ultimate dum-dum listener experience in that they recognised me at the counter of getting on the plane to go to Koh Samui in Singapore.

And then I had this sort of semi-awkward interaction with her where I got excited and started telling her for ages, oh, this is where you should go in Koh Samui and whatever. But she was with, you know, three, four, five other girls of her age, which is like early mid-20s. And there's this 40-year-old guy going, yeah, go to this bar. There's really cheap cocktails if you go to this bar. I've got my own podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. All that. And they're just going, what are you talking about? So after we talked about that, I actually got the message, a message back because I said, you know, message me if you're that girl that I met that time. Missed connection. Yes.

Yeah, exactly. So I've got a message this week from her, which is great, and I've got the picture that we took of the map of Samui. I'll show you just very quickly there. Oh, exactly. So I've got a message this week from her, which is great, and I've got the picture that we took of the map of Samui. I'll show you just very quickly there. Oh, wow. Is this a... No, actually, it is. It does look like Tasmania.

Steady on. Yeah. So I... It's our sister city. So shout out to Kim Kelly, if I may use your full name. Jeez. But her message was quite good. She sent me a message saying, hey, Carl, my name's Kim.

I was the girl who spotted you at the airport in Singapore on the way to Koh Samui. Just so you know, even though I didn't go to any of the places you suggested, I had a great holiday. Why would she? Yeah, yeah. I can see why you keep going back. Here's the photo.

P.S. Sadly, none of my friends became listeners after this. Fair enough. Completely fair enough. A few nice things, a few backhanders there, but that's fine. I feel like as long as I got out of it even. Typical interaction with our fan. You've kind of come out on top for what the average is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were nice enough. Thank you, Kim. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed of come out on top, you know, for what the average is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they were nice enough to – so thank you, Kim. Thank you. And I hope you enjoyed Coastal Movie, even though you were there three or – yeah, probably six months early for the big festival in June coming up. Yeah, good timing. Well, Luke, just talking of Tasmania before, so, of course, Rosehaven, the show that you are in with a friend of the show, Celia Pakola, which has been on for a couple of years now

and is set in Tasmania. Now, my parents are big fans of the show, Celia Pakola, which has been on for a couple of years now and is set in Tasmania. Now, my parents are big fans of the show. My dad is a big fan of the show and has been a fan of yours for a long time. And I hope you don't mind me saying this, but after he saw a few episodes of the first season and he said to me, you know what?

I just have so much trouble understanding what Luke's saying. You know, that's fair enough. You've got to tell him to fix his diction. And I said, I'm never going to tell him to fix his diction and I said, I'm never going to tell him that. But then I saw your castmate Celia and I was telling her that story and she goes, we got enough notes about it in the first season

that Luke has had to go to diction classes. Yeah, I went to a speech therapist and I was told, one of the techniques I've been using just before a scene is I say whatever the line is. So if the line is welcome to the little dum-dum club, I hold my tongue against my left cheek and go welcome to the little dum-dum club and I have to do that over and over again so that it's like punching with weights and when you drop the weights your punches are supposed to be harder

or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. So I've been doing that because people were tweeting me going I don't understand what you're saying. I'm like, well, that's annoying because we spend a lot of time writing these jokes. And also they found the Twitter handle after you reading it out on air, so they clearly weren't having too much trouble.

Yeah, no, that was a common complaint. And then when we got sold in America it was even – I don't understand what you're saying now. Like how is it fixed? No, I'm joking, but you don't understand what you're saying now. How's it fixed? I'm joking, but you don't talk... I still hurt. But you sound like you're still talking the same as you've always talked to me.

It's around little words that roll into each other. I don't know. If I talk too fast or I would... I'm fine when I'm just maybe on a podcast, but if I had to read a line and then I had to, I don't know, I was just rolling, like I was listening back to the edit and I couldn't understand what I said either.

I'm like, oh God, if I can understand, I don't think America's got any chance. I just couldn't believe that a complaint that my dad had about something was in any way accurate or backed up. No, it was, that was, I had to get speech therapy. I'm still sort of, and I'm still practising the exercises. It's an ongoing battle to be heard. It sounds like your dad's two for two.

He's picked the demise of Bitcoin. Yeah. He's picked McGregor's diction. Yeah, he's some kind of genius. It's good. Like it's that sort of – because it's weird when you put something out there. I mean you guys are the same I suppose. Because if it's not stand – because it's weird when you put something out there. I mean you guys know the same, I suppose. It's because if it's not stand-up, you're sort of putting stuff out there

and then you – I know the feedback either doesn't come at all or it comes later or it's – but that was a big one was that they couldn't hear what I was saying. But one great thing I think you've done on Rosehaven – The subtitles. – is you've dragged a few locals, a few Tasmanian locals in there, and I notice Anthony Morgan. Yeah.

Where did you find Anthony, who was a great, who is a great stand-up comedian, but was like a kind of major force in Melbourne comedy right through the 80s and 90s. He was on Danton. And then kind of became a recluse in Tasmania. I know ABC were a fan, and our director, Jonathan Brough, really liked him.

He was in Ronny Ching as well. Yeah. So we've been trying to cast as many – and Anthony's been great. So this is a different story. But we were trying to cast locals and we had this one lady who was an extra. And the problem we had with her was that she kept getting on camera. So as we go from shot to shot, she is teleporting to different locations. And so we would be sitting there in the edit going,

that's a great take, that's a great take, you're perfect. And then we would watch it back and there was this one elderly lady in every single shot and we're going oh god like the smoking man in the X-Files yeah it was

we would and we'd find we'd have to sort of keep an eye on her so she didn't get in every shot I mean she was very good at watching

I mean she walked across screen like no one else but we still had to my dad really wants to start doing extra work and that's absolutely the sort of shit

he would do get him on and it's hard because sort of shit he would do. Get him on. It's hard because you can't – because extras you can give very little to no direction to. Oh, he would need a lot. Sometimes you'll say clap and there'll be someone in the crowd who's just going off and you're like, oh, no, just a mild clap. Thanks.

But it's also – it's way bitchier than normal actors. Like if you go and listen to the table where the extras sit at lunchtime, it's so backstabby. And I remember we were on the librarians we had because there had to be extras in the library. We've got to get one of these stories one day, Timmy. Seriously. Extra must be nice.

But because it's happening over the course of days and weeks, you've got to move them around. Yeah. So someone will come and, like, that woman, plant themselves right up the front in, like, the reference section, and then you go and move, and then because the scene is now, like, two hours later, you go, well, you go down the back, and then you move someone forward.

And then at lunchtime, you'll just hear, well, I don't know why he was moved up the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's not reference section material. It was so bitchy. It was way bitchier than proper actors. But how's you just hanging out by the extras table? I know.

With a hook and a gossip. Looking for material. Well, I think that's just about all the time we have on the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. We should point out that it was light when we started recording this and we are now all sitting in the dark. Without saying that Sabra and Carl, we used to live in the same one. Yes.

Have you ever had any problems with someone – because I had two things happen while I was living very close to you. My bike was – You're about to accuse me of things. I am. I had my mountain bike stolen. Guilty. And I had, I thought so, but you do so many good tricks.

It's better in your hands. And I had a guy just in our stairwell just shaking doors to see if they were unlocked. Oh, jeez. And as he got up to ours, because I heard him shaking my neighbour's, then he went to mine and started, just went to shake my door. And I went, can I help you, mate? And he goes, oh.

And he just started walking back down the stairs and I said, can I help you? And I just started taking photos of him. I just thought, I feel like I should take photos of this guy. So I just started taking photos and he started running and then I started running after him down the street just taking photos. Oh, great. Of his back until I started catching up and went, I've got – there's nothing –

I don't know what to do when I catch this guy. So I just stopped running and then just walked back home with all these photos of a guy's back. And I've never seen him since. No, but you were – because you were living at that time because I've moved since – we've both moved since then. You were living on the same block as me. Yeah. I was living at that time, because I'd moved since, we'd both moved since then, but you were living on the same block as me. It's a very big block,

but that's the same block that we talked about quite a while ago, but people still talk about this story that I told. There was a guy, I think sort of a bit of a crazy guy that lived next door to me that was just saying for hours and hours, Doctor, Doctor Ramsey. Really? Just in the middle of the night, over and over and over. I was on the podcast where you first reported this. Oh, maybe.

Just in the middle of the night? Yeah, it was me. I got stuck, and I know I've told this before, so I hope people don't mind me saying a very brief recap of this, but I was on the balcony because I have a thing where if I do a gig or I'm running a gig or whatever it is, I need to sort of cool down when I get home and I'll chill out for maybe half an hour, an hour.

And I sat on my balcony and it was happening next door and I felt trapped because he was like directly underneath me and all he was doing was like going, Doctor, Doctor Ramsey, like that. And then, but he kept moving around so I didn't know where he was and I felt like... Oh, he'd like walk around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. He walked around and honestly, so I didn't know where he was. And I felt like – Oh, he'd, like, walk around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.

He walked around. And honestly, like, I know I've said this, but, like, at some stage, he'd be literally like, doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, and then doctor, doctor, and he'd just turn up really close again. And then he got into a car and drove off. And I'm like, the end. And then, like, honestly, 10, 15 minutes later, he came back. I hear a car open mid-doctor, Dr. Ramsey. Just, like, this door 10, 15 minutes later, he came back. I hear a car open mid-Dr. Dr. Ramsey.

Just like this door opened, Dr. Ramsey. And then he walked out again. And then that night you switched on Neighbours and there he was going, Dr. Ramsey. It's like we had a guy who used to... No, but then the punchline of it all was, well, when I say punchline, the end of the story was, he then walked into his house and just as he closed the door, he goes, Dr. Dr. Ramsey, I think that was a horse. And then walked into his house and just as he closed the door, he goes, Doctor, Dr. Ramsey, I think that was a horse and then walked into his house and that was the end of the story.

We've got to – I tried. Look, I did all the research. Don't worry. But he must have been an actor, you know, practising. No. I mean, how long do you have to practise Dr. Ramsey? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Even me with my speech therapy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Even me with my speech therapy. Well, speaking of us being at your house at the moment, you and I did a gig together on Saturday night, your gig at the basement at the European Beer Cafe. Yes.

And there was someone in the audience you found out from looking at the ticket receipts. Someone who lives in this building was at your comedy gig completely randomly. Yeah, so what happens is i run basement comedy on saturday nights in melbourne in the city and what happens is that when people buy tickets basically all the info goes to me i don't want to scare people off but their addresses their phone numbers their full names everything it goes that just gets collected by the ticketing agency and in their wisdom you are able to access it so describing

this as if people don't know that this is a thing that happens with tickets i don't know that i don't know why they get the ticket seller not everyone runs the basement comedy club in melbourne so in the future everyone will for 15 minutes so what happens is i just print out the info sheet so i can mark people's names off when they come in because not everyone comes in with their tickets or whatever so i'll come in i'll say surname martin t mart great check that off now i just happen to have all that and i'm sitting there looking at all the info and i found and i see my address come up i'm like i didn't buy what's going on you know and then it's like oh it's like next door to me in this apartment block that we're in right now and i'm like oh that's weird so when i did the

show i went out there and i was emceeing and I was talking to people and you invariably say, where are you from, where are you from, whatever. And then I go, hang on, who lives, and I think this will be very funny and very clever, and I go, who lives in XXXXX? I can't believe you just read your full address out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I say my address thinking this will be funny

and a split second later someone in the front row goes, hey, fuckhead, you just told us all where you live. i'm like oh that's right i did why did i do that so then i got up and read out because you just said the street i got up you introduced me and then i got on and just like gave your actual address out twice i'm absolutely back at it again yeah then when you came back on i'm paraphrasing the exchange but you basically said, yeah thanks for giving out my address. I won't be there tonight. I'll be at your mum's house having sex with her. No, no, give it the

full duty of care. That's a sloppy version. What happened? No, I said I'm paraphrasing. No, well let's give me the full credit for a good joke. Which was? I get up and you give my full address. So I go out and said look, I'm going to give Tommy's full address. He's mum's house. And then you go, oh, fuck, what was it?

No, yeah, you said, and I'll be around there later tonight. And I'll be around there later on. Yeah, that's right. And then that gets a big laugh and I said, I don't get it. And you went, well, she'll get it later tonight. Yeah, see, now there's a good joke. I was like, I was there. Yeah.

Well, and then so a friend of ours I was like, I was there. Yeah. Well, and then so a friend of ours, Melbourne comedian Sonia D'Orio, was standing off stage watching all this happen. And Matt got a big laugh. And she turned to me and she goes, in all seriousness and earnestness, she said, did you guys plan that? Like, yeah. We had a six-hour meeting on a Saturday to brainstorm the concept of saying that you're going to fuck someone else's mum.

Really working late in the lab last night on that one. Yeah, it's not a great review that she's watched both of our comedy then and then gone, oh, that's got to be written compared to the other stuff. Just you guys high-fiving when a plan comes together. You can really see the elbow grease in this one. But did you ever hear from your neighbour? No, no, because, yeah, from Dr. Dr. Ramsey. No, I just got scared.

And what do you do next? You don't go door knocking going, did you say Dr. Dr. Ramsey last night? Yes. Okay, thank you. Like, what do you do? No, I meant the person who lives here. Oh, sorry. Not Dr. Ramsey, unless Dr. Ramsey was on that list as well.

No, no, no, no, no. I didn't hear anything more from him since then, but that's a good question because surely I will at some stage. But you've got the unit number, right? You can just go there and go, how do you enjoy the show? Yeah, but I could do that, but I don't want to. There's no need. Like, what do I ask?

If he wants to find me, he can find me, I guess. Can this recording equipment travel? Should we go over find me, he can find me, I guess. Can this recording come in trouble? Should we go over there now? I think we should go over there. Because it would be great if you could put the same clothes on that you were wearing. You've got this mic in your hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.

And just set up a stand in the door. But it did, you know what? I was trying to do local gear that night. So then I was like, oh, what's with the guy that's got the two greyhounds? And I was like, gee, I hope this works. And then he's like, yeah, yeah, what's with that? I'm got the two greyhounds and I was like gee I hope this works and then he's like yeah yeah what's with that and I'm like

oh great awesome I mean there was 115 other people that had no idea no reference but that one guy fucking nailed

they had reference for how funny it is to say you're going to fuck someone else's mum I'll give them that they all liked that one they understood that well we have to wrap this up

for another week Luke McGregor and Tony Martin thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having us. Luke, you have a show on sale at the Melbourne Comedy Festival? I do. I'm just three nights to the... It's just the show I did last year,

so if you've already seen it, do not come. Will you be checking that at the door? Yeah, obviously. I was saying, did you come last time? Too bad, get out of here. And, of course, you've got everyone's addresses and phone numbers i do i do so i know it's that's why it saves you money on venue costs but i just go to each person's house and do the show oh yeah yeah great um but yes just just three it's just been it's last year's show yeah yeah uh cool a brand

new show from luke mcgregor also i complain if you've heard any of it. Stand up, yell at him if you've heard one iota of it, please. I can't understand you, mate. I can't understand you and I've heard it before. It's the same show but it's so much better enunciated. I have been working a little bit on some of the wording but it's definitely not worth the price of a new ticket if you've already seen it. I've got no one's coming.

Awesome stuff. And Tony Martin, the new book is called The Quran, I believe. Yes, it's a little wacky romp. No, it's deadly kerfuffle and yes,

I will be signing every copy to Carl Chan. Great. Fantastic. I can check their copies. I just can't check my copies.

I'll leave messages in Dimex for you. Are we allowed to read the message to Carl? Oh yeah, you guys can read it. I. Are we allowed to read the message, Lee, to Carl? Oh, yeah, you guys can read it. I'm just not allowed to read it. All right, guys, thank you very much for listening

and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And we are back for another new edition of Talking Dumb Dumb. Oh, this is new this week. Right. Yeah. How often do we do that? Let's do five.

That's the wrong answer to what I asked. That really was a repeat that bit. Good ep. Always good ep. Mostly a good ep. Hey, what about, let's do a bit of housekeeping. So the Kohamui international podcast festival i'm not sure if we've mentioned this before but that's coming up um i'm always

getting a bit of reports from the manager of the ozo chuang samui resort and he's saying um where you know a big percentage of the ozo is going to be us during those that that time period of june the 13th to 18th. There is still room. Now, of course, we've talked about this, the secondary resort, its sister resort is up the road, and so you're most welcome to stay there at the Amari Resort in Chewing, in Samui. And, look, people have been booking in there for the show,

and that's most welcome. It's a beautiful resort. Even bigger buffet than the Ozo. Yes, you've mentioned this. Yes, and it's really nice, but people have not been using their little codes. Oh, there's some naughty boys and girls out there. Yeah, if you want to get your discount,

it's actually a good discount. So if you're going to stay there, don't be stupid. Use the discount. And you get a good chunk off. So what you need to do is you need to go to Amari's official website and then put in your time code of June 13 to 18, whatever it's going to be, and then put the password.

The code discount is podcast18. So make sure you plug all that in and you'll get a big chunk of discount and it will turn where you're staying into an absolute bargain. And if you've already done this without the discount, you can log into your account and enter the password SUCKSHIT to get no changes whatsoever because you fucked it. Put that into your brain. So do all of that.

And of course, Tommy, we do have a little deal as well, a new little deal that we haven't talked about on the podcast yet. We've put it up on the social medias. It's a bit of a suicide pact for while we're over there. Yeah. What a way to go. We have a little partnership with STA Travel. So if there are people out there that still haven't got their flights,

that still haven't got their comm, that haven't got their, most importantly, their travel insurance. Now, that's who we're really hitting hard with this. Guys, everyone needs travel insurance. You go over there, you don't know what's going to happen. People are going to get loose. You might as well do this. It's never very much.

You do your little deal. It's not a big amount to get insurance for a week or whatever when you're travelling, but it is very important to do it. So make sure you do it. And when you do it, go through SDA Travel and let them know that they came through you. Now, the way you do that is you go, they've given us specific details. So you need to ring. This is the special Dum Dum Hotline. If you want to ring up and book any of that sort of stuff, It's a special Dum Dum Hotline. If you want to ring up and book any of that sort of stuff,

it's 1-300-886-553. It'd be fucked of you to read someone else's number out on the show. Oh, man. Fuck. What if they just couple the same stuff I get? People can do that or they can call you and then you can call that number and start a three-way call. You know what? I'm giving you permission.

If you forget the number, you can text me and ask me what it is. Wow. But you don't need to do that because... Say it again. The number again is 1300-886-557. And what that does is when you ring that number, that's like the dum-dum hotline. We need to work out what that spells out.

Oh, yeah. 1-800... Fuck, we should have requested a certain thing. Yeah, we really should have. 1-800-Dumb-Cunt. If anyone wants to work that out for us, let us know. That would make it way easier to say out on the show. Yeah, that's a great idea.

So when that happens, it's like the Dumb Dumb Hotline rings in the SDO offices and they know it's come from us and that really helps us out. Now, they've got an email address as well. If you can get on the social medias this week,

you will find out all of these details again. You don't need to rewind the podcast and listen to this over and over and mark it down. So get on the social medias. Go on the Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. We'll put it on all of it. But that would be great if you helped out the people who help us. That would be super awesome.

Get that travel insurance. Get that last-minute flight. Okay, so that's our little Thailand corner, I think, this week. Thailand corner, done. Nothing else to report? No, there aren't any new updates. A few people have been messaging us asking about the schedule of what's going to be happening on those four days.

Fair to say it's not yet worked out 100% by us, but again... What percent would be worked out, do you think, at this stage? Well, we know that we're going to do a podcast over there. So what percentage does that count for? That's got to be at least 20. Knowing that we're going to do a podcast. Knowing we're going to do several podcasts, I'd give that 50%. 50% worked

out. We don't know when, but we know the form of which what we're going to give people. So again, keep it tuned to the socials and we'll share all that stuff the minute that it's up. Also, we know the Dollop. We do know them. We know that

they're going to be part of it as well. The Dollop podcast, if you don't listen to that, get onto it. But we will be doing live shows with them over there, June 13 to June 18. And we'll be bringing over some great guests. So, look, in my eyes, that's like 95% done. I mean, the dates of what we're going to be doing and other things that we're going to be doing apart from the podcast are minor details to me.

Don't you think? If you consider what we have to be 95%, then it explains a lot about your approach to booking your comedy rooms. Hey, my rooms are great. Hey, you know what? I'm not saying they're not great. I'm saying, hey, you know what? It's like the people in the room, they don't know anything's happening.

They don't know what's going on behind the scenes. I have been very busy lately. I've been extremely busy lately. But hey, thanks for mentioning that. If you're ever in Melbourne, come to my rooms. I do. Look, there's Comedy at Spleen on a Monday. There is Thursday Comedy Club on a Thursday.

And on Saturday night, there's the Basement Comedy Club. And they are all, let's just admit it now, the three best comedy rooms in Australia. So get into it. Absolutely. Against all the odds, the three best comedy rooms in Australia. Whoa. Get into it. Absolutely. Against all the odds, the three best comedy rooms. Absolutely. Absolutely. Including an approach that I believe included someone running the gig for you this Saturday

night and you forgetting to send them any of the ticketing information. No, that's absolutely not true. I sent them all the ticketing information. Oh, interesting. I don't know how they didn't get it. Okay, right. No, no, absolutely. Right. Absolutely. So this is Hotmail's

fault now. No, no, no. Brett Blake, friend of the show, Brett Blake, I sent it to him. He was running it. And he goes, I didn't get it. And then he said, oh, when I got home, I got it. Like, well, did you not check your phone at the gig? Or how does that work?

Did you think it was just going to fucking fall from the sky? So, and also the venue didn't check their email. So it was good shit. It's always good to leave your business in the hands of fucking professionals. Real good. Yeah. Anyway. So that's it for that part of the show, I think.

Let's expand on maybe our solo shows are coming up. Oh, yes. Very, very quickly. Yes, so I've got this Sunday in Adelaide, 7.15pm at the Howling Owl that is on sale now. That's going to be really fun to see all you Adelaide folks there because it's been a while since I've done stand-up over there. And then March 28 until April 8 in Melbourne.

And also April the 15th and the 22nd. That first block of dates is just at the Coopers Inn. And then the second block of dates are on the last two Sundays after your show and the live podcasts. So if you're someone coming from interstate to just see the pods, you can go and check out, yeah, my show on those dates. And, of course, my show is on, if you come and see the live podcasts on the Sunday, my show is immediately after that. So the live podcasts are at 3 o'clock in Melbourne, April 1st, 8th, 15th and 22nd. My show is on immediately after that on three of them, on the 8th, 15th and 22nd at 4.30. Otherwise, they're on at 8.15 every other night

from the 8th to the 22nd, Carl Chandler's shit list. So, yeah, look, always heaps of people come along and support the live podcast and increasingly the stand-up shows, which is lovely of you. Yes. The numbers grow every year for the podcast, which is awesome. So it's always lovely to see more and more people come out to see the live shows.

Yep, totally. So also, Patreon is a way that people can support the show if they enjoy what they get for free. You get bonus episodes, you get a little magazine that we put together with comics and articles and sexy centrefolds and that sort of stuff.

And including, one of the rewards you get is your name being read out on the show, which is kind of what the, what this, what the kind of, the idea that spawned this segment. Right. Is this a segment? Is this officially a segment? Yeah. Okay.

Let's do this segment. Let's load up the old Unplanned Title Alternator one more week. Get this going. Let's load up the old Unplanned Title Alternator. One more week. Get this going. One more week? Yeah. We're going to get rid of it after this week. I didn't say that.

I'm not going to do two weeks this week. Okay. Yeah. One more week, as in on top of the other weeks. Okay. I'm going to put one more. And then continuing on after that. Yeah, hopefully.

Okay. Hopefully. Hopefully forever. God willing. Hopefully. Hopefully the money generated by these fine folk out there will buy us some sort of fountain of youth and we will do this until the end of time. That's my dream.

I can't think of anything better. I'd be happy to stop doing it now. All right. I've hit the big red button on this big mofo, and let's see who's straight out, first out of the gate this week on the unplanned title alternator. Beautiful Patreon subscriber right here. Thank you, Erin O'Mara.

Erin O'Mara? Yeah, O'Mara. O'Mara, that's a lot of money you've given us. Oh, my. It covers us well. Thanks, Mara. That's a lot of money you've given us. Oh, my. It covers us well. Thanks, Erin O'Mara. Oh. I've always wondered.

The old O'Mara. Yeah. Right? Yep. You got the little apostrophe in between the O and the M, right? Mm-hmm. Seems like it's short for something. Oh, okay.

Is it an abbreviation? Old Mara. Old Mara. Oh, shit, Mara. Oprah Mara? Erin Oprah Mara. Erin Oprah Mara. Maybe that's it.

Is that it? I had a Mr. O'Mara at school. Didn't like him. Oh, really? Hopefully they're related in some way. Why are you hopeful of that? So you want money from him for being such a shit teacher? Yes.

Right. No, because it'll get back to him. Oh, right, right, right. He directed a school play that I was in. Oh. And he... And you played what? It was a Shakespeare play and I was just some background.

Oh, really? Yeah, I had nothing. No good role. Did you go for a good role? You didn't go for like specific roles. You just turned up and auditioned and if you were good, you got good ones and if you weren't, this guy. Oh, no.

You got to be. What was I? I was kind of like a chorus-y sort of thing where I was just like a bunch of just random. But you're a performer now. So where are these people that beat you to the good roles in this play? In this play, I don't know. I don't think any of them kept it up.

I don't think any of them kept acting. It was me. I was bitten by the theatre bug. Oh, is that it? But we had a day where we were all fucking around heaps in rehearsal and it was just not going well. And this guy, this Mr. O'Mara, he had a... He heard about this guy. He had an assistant director and he comes in at the end of the day

and he tries to, like, fire us up. Like, he's really shitty that we've been dicking around in this rehearsal. And he goes, you know, you're just wasting it. You kids, you're all wasting everyone's time. This costs a lot of money, a lot of money to put on a production like this. I mean, me and the assistant director, I mean, we could get married. We could have a wedding for this kind of money. And, like, he wasn't gay.

That was the first thing that popped into his head. Right. And, look, to adolescent school kids, game over, buddy. You've picked your wrong analogy there. We just burst out laughing and I think the play ended up being a little shitty because from that moment on he couldn't he couldn't regain control

of us you know he really started off strong we were really intimidated and then yeah you can't get angry and then threaten someone with a wedding that's a weird thing to come to the top of your head. But just this guy who is just his assistant,

like just this guy gets thrown under the bus like, yeah, we're getting married now. It's like, what? Well, thanks, Aaron O'Mara. So anyway, pass that along to your dad, Aaron. Yeah, and I hope he's happy with his new husband. Thank you too. Patreon subscriber, Grace Carter. Grace Carter. Yeah, and I hope he's happy with his new husband. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Grace Carter.

Grace Carter. Yeah. Recognise that name from the socials? Yeah. There but for the grace of Carter go our money. Yes. There but for the grace of Carter go us without our pockets being full of money. Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks, GC. Thanks for… Oh, the of money. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, GC. Thanks for... Oh, the Gold Coast. Yeah. She's giving us money and I'm appreciative. I want to make that very clear. Sometimes we're a bit silly about this. We make light of it.

I'm very deadly serious here and I just really thank you Grace Carter for the money you've given me because without money I wouldn't be able to eat. Wouldn't be able to put a roof over my wife's head. No. You'd be fine. Yeah. I'd sleep anywhere. Wouldn't be able to feed my cat.

Our cat. So thank you very much for the gift of life, Grace Carter. Ironic that she was a GC, the Gold Coast, because it's sort of like a bit of a meter maid job that she's doing here. Oh, that's nice. Thank you. So you'd like to think that Grace Carter's just slinking along in a bikini,

sticking coins up her ass. Is that what you're saying? I don't know about that bikini business. She can wear whatever the fuck she likes. while she's sliding currency up my day. Very nice. It's like your ass is like the opposite of Mario Brothers. Yes. So the coin's going into it instead of coming out of it.

Sure. Jumping on her ass and coins going in. Sure, let's say that. Yep. Let's say that's true. I said it. Anyway, thanks, Grace. Thanks, Grace.

Amazing Grace. Oh. Wow, this is a gold mine. Yeah. How do we go past Amazing Grace and go straight to sticking coins up her ass? And the worst bit is we didn't even go straight there. It took us a few tries. Oh, anyway. Thank you, too. And the worst bit is we didn't even go straight there. It took us a few tries. Anyway.

Thank you to... Oh, now, look. Here we go. Look, this is a new function on the Unplanned Title Alternator. I can see the previews coming up of what's coming up. So you've got a few... We've got a few in a row that I reckon there's going to be something to talk about. Okay.

Okay? Interesting. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Andrew Wood. What would there be anything to say about that? Oh, Andrew could be abbreviated to Drew. That's pretty funny. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. That is really funny. That's one of the few names that you... Am I wrong on this? The abbreviation is chopping the first bit off. You know, usually people take the, you know, it's just cut in the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to come in halfway through a name.

Like if you were Earl. Yeah, there's, you know, there's an abbreviation of Andy, which is the abbreviation of Andrew. It's just, you know, when you call someone die. I don't know that. I just made it up. That's probably why. Phew.

I guess Anthony, Tony. That's another one where you chop off the front. Yeah. What's this an? People don't like these ans hanging around. Andrew, would you like to give us some money? The answer is yes. Giving that money gives me a big woody.

Oh. That's a slang term for an erection. Okay. It gave me a big and in my pants. I drew a picture of myself with a fat guy. I went ooh as I ejaculated after the money went into my bank account. Do you think your wife is still listening to this? Just so people know, before we turned the mics on,

we were being utterly, utterly filthy. Not dissimilar to what you just heard. No, worse. Way worse. We were being horrific. If you heard what we were talking about it was the absolute worst thing we could be saying and then just from my eye line i could see my wife closed the door very firmly to the bedroom so she wouldn't hear what

we're saying anymore i gotta call bullshit on you not giving me the heads up that she was at home when i came in well i mean i assumed but i also mean, I assumed, but I also think, like, you know, it's like when you put someone on speaker and there's someone else there. It's like you've got to go, hey, just so you know, this isn't a safe space. Well, to be honest, I didn't know you were going to come in. All guns are blazing and be, you know... Hey, I took my shoes off before I started blazing those guns.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't know you were going to come in and really be talking that much about how there should have been equality in marriage, you know, a couple of months ago. I didn't know you were going to be talking about that. Like, I mean, you shouldn't be saying that. But you've set it up as saying that we were saying just absolute filth. So you're shooting yourself in the foot here.

No, it was bad. Anyway, thanks, Woody. Yeah, thanks, Woody. Thanks for your firm, hard donation. All right. Now, we got all that out of our system? Yes, although you did say there were a few of those coming up. I don't remember that.

But anyway, let's push on. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Now, I think this might… I think it's got to be a Welsh first name at least. D-A-F-Y-Y-D. Dafydd. Dafydd. Is that right?

Yeah. All right. So we're settled on that pronunciation? Right. Thank you to Dafaffod Boner. I mean, Daffod sounds funny. Thinking about Daffy Duck when he gets his little beak blown off and it goes around the other side of his head, that's good shit.

It's, yeah. I mean, I was thinking it's pretty funny because, you know, Daffy, Daffy, Duck, wrong saying for fuck. That's pretty funny. It's, yeah. I mean, I was thinking it's pretty funny because, you know, Daffy, Daffy Duck, wrong saying for fuck. That's pretty funny. It is. Yeah. Fuck boner. Yeah.

B-O-N-A-R. As in sonar. As in like boner. As if you could find any swimming dicks underwater. I've seen this name come up before and I have to say. I've seen a boner come up. Oh, mate, grow up. Your wife's trying to sleep.

Inside you. Don't you think that this is the way that boner, the slang for erection, should be spelt? Because it's got that A in there, which gives it a bit of a... You know, an A, I think, is a bit of a harder sound than an E. So it looks more... A in there, which gives it a bit of a, you know, an A-R I think is a bit of a harder sound than an E-R. Oh. So it looks more, don't you think it looks more like a word for erection than boner with an E-R? Boner.

Boner. I think at least it gives it a bit more credence. It sounds like a bit of a posh erection. Yeah. Oh, a bit la-di-da. Yeah. Oh, oh. So you've got a boner.

The kind of stiffy that could get into the Melbourne club. Right. Yeah, yeah. It's like a little bow tie on your dick. Yeah. Oh, bonar. Bonar. La-di-da.

Oh, bonar. Oh, you think you're so good standing up so stiff and straight. Yes. Like you've had some private school education. And now you're not that educated. You're spitting at me for one. Which then means that it's been turned on by having this person say la-di-da to it.

For it to be spitting, it's gotten to that point. I never had to talk with my mum and dad. Well, it'd be weird if you had. They never told me about the bonars. Man, imagine that. Imagine living next door to this guy and thinking the whole time, you know, it's a bit of keeping up with the bonars. Looking over the fence and seeing what they're up to,

seeing all of everything that they've bought, going, oh, we can't look worse off than the Bonas next door. Can't help but notice that the music coming out of the laptop in the bedroom has gotten louder since we began this discussion. Almost as if someone's trying to drown us out. Someone is watching Sex and the City for the maybe 80th time in the bedroom very loudly instead of listening to this goddamn rot. I mean, you can't sit here.

She should not be doing this. I mean, thanks to people like Grace Carter, this is what's keeping the lights on in this house. You can't be sitting here doing this show and complaining about someone else doing something for the 80th time. Yeah, yeah. Well, if she's watching Sex and the City, it's only slightly less filthy than what we're talking about right now.

Yes, yes. I mean, what's the big difference between Mr Big and David Boner? Maybe that's why she's watching it. She's trying to like, because it's like less filthy than this. So she's trying to get herself finally ready to start listening to this thing. Right. Okay. Right.

Now, is it official that Sex and the City is a gateway drug to the little dum-dum club? Do people do it the same way? Do people listen to this show and treat it the same way as Sex and the City where it's like, which one are you? Oh, I'm a total Tommy. I think they do. I really think people do. Right.

Well, anyway, thanks, David. Thanks, Daffod. Daffod. Daffod Bonaro. What have you got next? I've got one more. One more? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I'm fine with that. Good. I don't know how many that is. I've got I've got one more One more? Yeah Okay Yeah I'm fine with that Good I don't know how many that is But that's it I don't know why we'd talk about it any further than that Sure If I'm saying there's one more

There's one more Yeah yeah No I'm going with it Yeah great I'm not You're treating it like I'm disputing it I'm not No no no

I'm weirded out That you're treating it like It's something weird That I'm just saying Let's do this I'm not treating it like anything You said something and I responded I This is what a normal human interaction is I said Is it, let's do this. I'm not treating it like anything. You said something and I responded.

This is what a normal human interaction is. I said, is it? Yes. I don't think I've had one. Everything about the last 20 minutes, this is how humans talk. Right, right. This is, this is, this is, this is, I don't even know why we're talking like this because everyone else talks like this. We should be giving them something a bit different.

We're being so normal right now. You know how Elon Musk sent that car into space? Yes. And it's playing Bowie? Yes. If he were... He should have put a podcast. He should have had it playing a podcast. Right. Oh, yeah. Instead of Bowie like a fucking coward. Yeah. Get this.

Get a Patreon read, just this car orbiting the sun. Thanks, son. Yeah. That's a good idea because we have a lot of people that do, like, funny little special things for us. Like, you know, at the moment, a lot of people are doing writing ads for us in public toilets. What, you know, put our podcast in a car and drive it off the West Coast. You know, something.

Drive it off a cliff. Something. By the way, we should quickly say thank you to everyone doing that. But someone did it in the toilet of a theatre and we happen to know the owners of the theatre and we got a message from them that seemed like

they weren't entirely... Oh yes, that's right. We did too. So, look, great, but yeah, what we didn't realise about this is that, like, there is a very easy way of irate venue owners getting in touch with us. Nah, bring it on.

Do it wherever the fuck you want. I don't care. Cool. Yeah. As long as we didn't do it, it's not our fault. Like, they're not fucking ringing up Bon Jovi when they see that somewhere. That's not John Bon Jovi writing. How many people are writing, listen to Bon Jovi in pub toilets?

This is the new – what I would like to see now is, yeah, we have had a lot of people do it in, I guess, uni toilets and pub toilets and that's great. I want to know what's the most esteemed venue that we can get written on the toilet wall. Well, if we had been doing this last year and we were at the Opera House, those dunnies would have been absolutely caked in it. Yes.

But hey, you know, plenty of listeners that live in Sydney. Yeah. Do one of those Harbour Bridge climbs and write it somewhere on the Harbour Bridge. But don't you think the nicer place you go to, the more chance there is of them cleaning it off? Sure, but it'll be there for a bit. Just to say that it's been in there. I'm happy

with it being in grubby places that it cannot be cleaned off. Yeah, that's... Because I love seeing the ones that people send us where they go, this isn't even us. We're just in the dunny and this is there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. That's really great. Yeah. Alright. So, one more. Alright. No more arguments. We're just doing the one more. So, just

save it. Save your ire and your anger for something else, please. Okay. Just calm down. Sit down. Sorry. It was weird that I've been standing this whole time. Well, you stood up then.

I don't know why. You thought you were Daffod Bona for some reason. Sprung into action. Yep. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh, just getting my button fingers sore from hitting it so often but um one more time it is thank you to patron subscriber sadam comedy sadam comedy right yeah so some kind of oh sorry is there any any uh any extra information oh you know the email address is a bit weird on the end. You know, usually at the end it's like.au or, you know,

just.com or whatever. It's a bit weird at the end. Yeah, it's different from what I'm used to. It's different. Yeah. What is it then? Just let me just look at it. Is this the email address that you used to send ticket reports

to Brett Blake with? It's just different. Keep talking into the mic. Yeah, I am. You need to put the mic down. I'm not putting it down. I'm talking straight into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just googling something at the moment. What are you googling?

Just what's on at the cinema tomorrow night in case I want to go. Why would you do that now? We're in the middle of it. Like, this is going to be... only go for like another minute or so and then you can do all the Googling you want. Okay, well, I'm really busy at the moment so I'd just like to multitask. Okay, well, what's on at the cinema tomorrow night then?

Oh, I'm trying to look. Fuck. Let's see. Yeah, anyway, so Saddam Comedy, yeah. He has... Oh, fuck. What's on at the cinema? yeah anyway so Saddam comedy yeah he has oh fuck what's on at the cinema fuck

why are you staring at the screen so intently and you still can't tell me what's on it's really slow in here I think I think the I think the

the what do you call it the unplanned title alternate sucking all the all the juice out of the room All the juice out of the room. All the juice out of the internet. Anyway, look, it's not important. Saddam comedy.

Yeah. Wow, that was worth it. I couldn't find anything, all right? Right, so there's no other information about him? No. About what he's known for? It looked like an important email. Right.

That's all. It looked like the guy had a bit of money. Because I have to say, I recently saw footage of a... I wonder if it's the same guy, a guy called Saddam Khamenei being toppled by irate people, by irate citizens. Oh, really? Yeah, I wonder if that's related to this in any way. I don't know.

Has that statue been melted down and now we're getting the proceeds of it? I just think it's weird that his name is actually an abbreviation of what people have called me. So damn good at comedy. All right. Well, thanks to everyone who subscribes on Patreon once again for another week. Wonder what is on the movies. I never got to the end of what was on the movies tomorrow night.

Black Panther. Oh, okay. All right. So patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Thank you to everyone who supports us through that we really really appreciate it and yes we what else is there to plug Adelaide this weekend

come check it out my solo show on the Sunday our solo shows in April and then the live podcast in Melbourne little dum dum club.com all the info about all this stuff and the Kosamui podcast festival is there we will be back next week with a hell of

a live episode that we recorded in Brisbane over this past weekend. Man, heaps of great. We're actually ahead a little bit for now which is good. Heaps of great episodes coming down the pipe. Thank you for listening this week and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional. You have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Yeah.