The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 391 - Live! Stephen K Amos, Randy & Adam Knox

Episode Date: April 4, 2018

They've done it again! The people of Adelaide turned up at the last minute to catch the first of our awesome live episodes with STEPHEN K AMOS, RANDY and ADAM KNOX. Things get weird with a young man in the front row, we pitch ourselves as candidates for premier of South Australia, Knox's fly is undone and Rad Dad gets the check! This episode is brought to you by Dave Thornton and his show 'So What Now?' at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Head to comedy.com.au for more info and tickets!Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:MELBOURNE: We've got a month of awesome live shows happening for the month of APRIL. KOH SAMUI: The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival is happening again in 2018 with guests The Dollop! JUNE 13 - 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, we are live from the City of Churches with special guests Stephen K. Amos, Randy and Adam Knox. But first of all, we have to let you know that today the Little Dum Dum Club is being brought to you by friend of the show, Diamond Dave Thornton. Ah, Diamond Dave. With his new show, So What Now? It is currently playing at Max Watts as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival until the 22nd of April. You can get tickets from comedyfestival.com.au. One of the very finest friends of the show, Dave Thornton.

Totally, totally. What a dependable hour of comedy you are going to get. Yeah. But he will not let anyone down. Very funny man. Episode three, I think, was the first time he was on this. Oh, right. So he's been part of the canon for a very long time.

Very good man. Good friend of the show. Very, very funny. Funny guy. So you can't go wrong. I couldn't imagine anyone ever walking away disappointed from a Dave Thornton show. No, we don't have any inside word on whether his famous Shane Bourne impression makes an appearance in the

show. I'd speculate not. I would say if you did know, I would say, how did you know that? Max Watts, House of Music. Oh, very nice. Yes, so go check out Dave Thornton on until April the 22nd in Melbourne. Any word if there's been any celebrities turn up to have a look? Have you heard whether Will Burr Wild has turned up to watch Thornton's show? No, but people don't even know this bit that we're doing.

I feel like they do. I feel like they do. I feel like we reference it on the show a lot, but I don't think anyone – it's an old clip that – what is it? Shane Bourne on Hey Hey It's Saturday doing the great Australian joke that Thornton used to impersonate for us. Yes. Yeah, that we loved a great deal.

Yes. Anyway, go check out Shane Bourne, I mean Dave Thornton, at Max Watts. Tickets from comedyfestival.com.au. We have just done the first of our big live April episodes in Melbourne. The one that we just did was awesome. We've got three more of them to go

with amazing special guests coming up. So, yeah, jump on that. Heaps of fun, of course. Get down there and we have the Drunk Cast coming up April 22. So, of course, as we've been talking about, even if you get a season pass, go and get a season pass now. Waste some money, but it will guarantee you access into the Drunk Cast. Otherwise, it's a bit of a lottery with bringing up individual ticket sales to get in.

Yes. Excellent stuff. Our solo shows. Mine is not many shows left. Going great. Thank you to everyone who has been down so far. It's called Leisure Suit Tommy. It is on at 8.20 at the Cooper's Inn.

And then it is also on for the final two Sundays, April 15 and 22nd at 6 p.m. at the European Beer Cafe after the live podcast. Yes, we'd love to see you guys there. Getting great feedback on it so far. And, yeah, thanks to everyone who's already come down. Yep. And my show is starting very soon. So go to littledumbdumbclub.com to find out all the details.

It's Carl Chandler's shit list. Me going to town on a lot of stuff. Me being angry. I thought I'd mix it up and do something new for myself. So, yeah, that's that. It's going to be heaps of fun. It's at the European Beer Cafe, in the same venue that we're doing the live Melbourne podcast. So very easy to find.

Strange coincidence. Yeah, yeah. So we also have the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival looming in the distance June 13 till 18 and then the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival looming in the distance June 13 till 18 and then the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival Roadshow Koh Phangan Leg happening on June the 19th. But, yeah, more information about that can be found at littledumbdumbclub.com.

We're also on Patreon. If you would like to support the show financially, you are welcome to do so and we send out great rewards. We will be back after this episode to... We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll give you your BB bounce to read through some of the names of people who supported the show.

But until then, enjoy this episode with Stephen K. Amos, Randy and Adam Knox. BB. This episode with Stephen K. Amos, Randy and Adam Knox. Bibi. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and standing next to me is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads.

Coming to you live from... Hello Brisbane! Oh fuck, I think I've made a boo. You're booing Brisbane. Get the fuck out of my house. Oh, it's your house now. You wouldn't say the name of the city of my house. Oh, it's your house now? Yeah. You wouldn't say the name of the city for a long time, but now it's your house. And I won't today. How does it feel?

Are you okay? Are you all right? People turned up. Make some noise. Let people at home know that... They did it. They did it in the end. I feel like we've been you-know-what-it already

with the wrong fucking song being played by the tech for the very first second of the show. It's like he's heard this show before and gone, I'll fuck him up. That would be great if we had listeners of the show campaigning to be our tech because they know that they're going to fuck it. Like, here's my CV.

I'm shithouse. Look at this. Here's a concert where I didn't turn the guitar on if i can get me in i can do a good job i know people at home i know it sounds like no one's here yet but they're just not laughing yeah so and it's like you can't even say like you guys have bought tickets ages ago and you've been pumped up for months so there's a lot of expectation there's not you bought your ticket two ago, so you've got fucking no emotional investment in this. Fire up, come on! Our tactic of hanging a shit on Adelaide has not gone well in Adelaide.

Who'd have thunk? You know what, I just, because I only just got here like two hours ago, and as I was getting off the plane, and I saw all the people lining up to get back on that plane to go to Melbourne, I was like, you fucking lucky cunts. Okay. Who genuinely has an issue with us hanging shit on this city so much? Is there anyone who's like genuinely put off by that? Wow. Very brave.

Two people. I hate it. What's this guy? This guy put his head up. What's your issue? Well, you've proven our point. Yeah. Your little speech was like Adelaide people didn't show up.

Well, we got a few messages of support from some prominent South Australia figures and just figures in general wishing us luck for today. So I'll go through a couple of them. Dear Tommy and Carl. This one first one from Billy's Bakery. Oh, nice. They sent us one. Dear Tommy and Carl. G'day boys. Things are going great guns down here. So many people

we can't even fit them all in. We've heard on the grapevine that there might be some space in your show today. Let us know if you're happy to accommodate some people stuffing their faces with a sausage roll. So, plenty of space for them over there, I think, so that'd be good. This one comes from trybooking.com.

Dear Tommy and Carl, please stop hitting the refresh button so often. It's not going to make a fucking difference, and it's overloading our servers. This one comes from Jay Weatherall. Best of luck for the podcast today. I was going to come along, but there's a state election happening today

and as I'm sure you can understand, I'm a little worried about the idiots of this city not turning up to the polls. Fuck me dead. Every election I say to myself, never again. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Well, no, it says a bit of support. I just want to say there is...

Thank you for people who have eventually turned out today, but I just want to say, Adelaide, we got more people to Meriburra. More people to a fucking shithouse country town. Actually, I can see the comparison. Let's check in on the numbers again. Who's shitty at us? Do we want any people?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any more? Some guy just keeps giving us the finger every time I ask. I think he'd just be doing that anyway, regardless of whether or not there was a question. What about this? Right, so I get the feeling that, you know, we complain about all the people from Adelaide that don't come

or that turn up at the last minute. Right, I get the feeling there's a lot of people here that aren't even from Adelaide. Who's actually not from Adelaide right now? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right, all right, so that is a fucking shit tonne, right? So there's the first 20 tickets that were booked

Yeah On top of that Who's been dragged along and has never seen the show before? What is this? So that means there's about 12 people that listen to us in Adelaide here today What are we doing to ourselves? Fuck We got more locals in Koh Samui, I think, than we got in Adelaide.

At this point, yeah. By the sounds of it. Jesus. Any other anti-Adelaide material we got up to? Well, so there is, of course, a state election today. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And we thought we'd put...

You guys, you might be aware of this, you might not. We've put in a late bid to get ourselves elected as the Premier of South Australia. What do you guys think? Do you think we have a chance? Hmm. I'm hearing mostly yes, so that's cool. A lot of those middle fingers being extended again from the crowd, I think. Which I will take as a vote. But we've got... We paid for an ad that's been running on the TV.

You guys may have seen it. This is our campaign ad. We'll recreate it now for the people. Okay. Or we'll create it, but sure. Okay, so here we go. This is our election campaign. This will be interesting.

First time. This just got printed out about two minutes ago. All right. Hi, I'm Carl Chandler. And I'm Tommy Dasolo. And together we make up the Little Dumb Dumb Club, the 45th worst-selling event on the Adelaide Fringe. We wanted to take some time out from this screening of

Don't Forget Your Toothbrush, or whatever show you've just started getting over here, to talk to you about why we would make great premieres of this fine state of South Australia. Under a dumb-dum government, the arts in South Australia will flourish. This is thanks to our proposal to make late-ticket purchases punishable by the death penalty.

This may seem harsh, but you'll thank us when you're spending every night of the week seeing slam poetry, improv and live podcasts. Adelaide has seen a lot of exciting developments over the last few years, from freeways to upgrading the Adelaide Oval and we want to keep that momentum going by building a bridge to Koh Samui

Why pay 20 bucks for a t-shirt from Rundle Mall when you can drive for 12 days straight and get one on Chewing Beach for $3 We'd like to take this moment to thank all of the people who have donated to our campaign so far If we are victorious we will be reading all of your names out on TV every night after the news.

Sure, you're all going to have to miss out on a current affair, but if you can think of a better way to thank mysterious benefactor comedy, then I'd like to hear it. As South Australians, you're no doubt sick of fuckwit out of towners making fun of you. We want to fix that and we're going to start small by upgrading

the quality of your appalling drinking water. That's right, by 2020 we'll have replaced all Adelaide tap water with human cum. Which is of course a slight upgrade. Now there's been some rumours that perhaps the Dum Dum Party is not trustworthy and we want people to know that we are at least 85% guaranteed to have no links to the Chinese. So vote one for Dum Dum. Our pledge to you is that we will eradicate unemployment so that everyone in South Australia can truthfully say that they've got shit going on.

Spoken by the little Dum Dum club Melbourne, paid for by Tommy's mum's purse. I've got to say, I feel good about this. OK. What were you going to whisper to me just then? About whether we do another bit now or we do something else now, that's all. Well, which two bits? Well, all right, let's do it.

Let's do this. Because you've got... You guys aren't the only ones that leave things until the last minute, let me tell you. Have you got... you've got your list of everyone that bought tickets, right? Oh, yes, I do. So, I thought we could go through, um, because you can

see on Try Booking, you can sort by date that people bought tickets. Ah! I hope we can pick that up at home. That's the sound of nervous laughter. That's the sound of nervous laughter That's the sound of anuses clenching So I thought we could do a bit of

A bit of the hall of shame Okay, great Do you want to do this? Like go through some names? Tell us some people that have been so fucking busy Until about three o'clock today Okay, Matthew Brand. Matthew Brand.

Well, very on brand for Adelaide to be a dumb cunt and not buy tickets till the last day. Yeah, she gets it. Have you been dragged along by a friend? David Sparrow. David Sparrow? Or Sparrow? David Sparrow. Sparrow. David Sparrow David Sparrow or Sparrow David Sparrow Sparrow

David Sparrow as in getting up at Sparrow's fart to not buy a ticket as in I would like to kill most Sparrows what

well they're a pest they don't do anything good like buy tickets to Adelaide shows but you said that as if it's a twist on an old saying that we all know you know the phrase killing a sparrow you know a bird in the hand

you want to crush it oh is that what that's about yeah um uh what do we got joel westbrook oh let's not roll call we're hanging shit on you you're the one that was putting your hand up before they said you hate us That's not roll call. We're hanging shit on you. You're the one that was putting your hand up before and said you hate us. And we know you're here. That's what we're reading from. He's the one who said, I don't like the Annie Adelaide talk,

but I bought my ticket two minutes ago. You are the reason we don't like Adelaide. Anyway, Westbrook. Westbrook. Anything you can think of doing with that? Westbrook. Westbrook. Hmm.

What could we whack on the end of that? Hmm. Westbrook. Mya Senna. Chuck yourself off it, cunt. Okay. What about this? Can we get someone, one of these guys that's only booked in the last couple of hours,

can we get one of them up here? I want to find out. I want to get through the psychology. Pick one of these names. Okay, well, we've done three. Let's do two more. Okay. We'll make it...

Do you want to get two of them up here? Is that what you're saying? Huh? Do you want to get two of them up here? No, I'll read one and then we'll get the fifth one. Okay, all right. If that person's willing. So the fourth one on the list, hmm, it's an interesting name.

Last Minute Comedy. Wow. That's a weird first name. Second name seems completely normal to me, but that first name, that's a fucking, that must be an Adelaide thing, maybe, I guess. OK, this is my favourite name on the list, just given what it's in relation to in us reading it out.

David Goodchap. Are you here, David Goodchap? Oh, man, he's the one we're going to get on stage. He's right at the fucking back. He's even let his seat until the last minute right at the back. Yeah. Come on, get up here, good chap. Yeah, get up here and...

No, don't clap him. That's a better round of applause than we got. Chappy, what the fuck's going on? What did you think you were... You are Adelaide right now. Now, you are... We're interviewing human Adelaide personified.

What the fuck is going on with you? I'm actually from Queensland. Oh, this panned out well. Dismissed. We wanted someone from Adelaide. I've been here for five years. Then you're from Adelaide.

That's not like a trip away. You live here now, yeah? I call it home, yeah. Hang on. This guy's got an answer for everything. This is actually answering a lot of questions about Adelaide right now, actually. Fucking hell. Yeah, you're not drinking a fucking 4X right now, are you? Yeah, exactly.

No. So why did you take so long to buy your ticket for today? Me mate texted me last night. He's like... Come to a gig. And I'm like, yeah, nah. Hang on, have you ever listened to this show before in your life? Once.

Once. This has simultaneously gone better and worse than I ever could have imagined. I wish we could have written a plant as good as this. You listened to it once and then you booked it the last second. You paid fucking whatever it cost to get in. It's quite a bit. Yeah, me mate paid for it. This guy lives a

pretty sweet life, I think we can all agree. At least, what did you think of the one episode you've heard? It was good. Oh, nice. Not great. Who was your favourite guest out of all the guests you've heard so far? Well, me. He gets it. I think, knowing us it I think knowing us

I think this guy's about to get a contract With Channel 10 within the next week Alright mate thanks Back off to fucking Have you been paying attention Or wherever you go next Thanks good chap Give it up

Give it up for Chappie Put her on the seat you animal Give it up. Give it up for Chappie. Put it on the seat, you animal. Well, we had a lot of fun there. I feel like I learnt a lot about the city of Adelaide. Fuck, that's how good Brisbane is. They're sending their fucking listeners down here to fill in seats. Fuck.

Nah, good on him. Yeah, alright. I think that's enough Adelaide bashing for the next five minutes. Let's get a guest out. Let's get our first guest out here. Folks, love having this guy on the show. Very pleased to have him back. Please go crazy and welcome to the stage, Stephen K. Amos! Yeah.

Hello, hello. I can't believe... That's wonderful technology that you guys have got the last-minute details of all the last-minute fuckers who buy tickets. Yes. And not only do you berate them, you berate them for fucking turning up. Yeah. This makes no sense.

Yeah, now that you put it like that, it is a bit strange, I guess. These are the good guys. Well, we don't know the names of the bad guys. Because they're not fucking buying tickets. Yeah. You don't do that in your shows? Get up and berate the last 200 people that buy tickets?

I never knew that was a thing. If I'd known there was a thing, I'd have just pretended to do some kind of psychic thing. Yes. Where I'd just go, is there a good man in the audience? Is there a lovely man? No, no, good chap, chap man. I'd just really fuck with their brains.

I've only been here five years. How do you fucking know? Me mate only bought me a ticket today. I'd never even heard of you before. How did he know? Did you say to him, of all the guests you've heard on the show, who's your favourite? And he went, me?

Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. Are you a guest if it's still midway through your first appearance? Don't you have to get through it before you technically entered into the register of being a guest? He can't pick him as his favourite. He hadn't even finished yet.

You can't evaluate that quickly. I think he might be one of my favourite guests now. I'm a big fan of him. Honestly, while I was backstage, I wanted to come out and just have a look at his face. So I could just ban him from my audience. But honestly, do you know what? I've been here for two weeks only,

and a lot of people are kind of bagging out Adelaide. But honestly, do you know what? I've been here for two weeks only, and a lot of people are kind of bagging out Adelaide. And you've got to give it to them. These guys have got the festival, the fringe, they had Womadelaide, they had the Bogan car festival a few weeks ago. And you've got compulsory elections right now, which I never knew until... I've just asked another one of your guests backstage.

I never knew that voting in Australia is compulsory, as in the UK it's not compulsory. And that's why when we had our Brexit vote last year, the majority of people who voted were over 75. Now, what the fuck are you voting for? You're voting for a future you're unlikely to be part of. So I like Adelaide. I want to go into Adelaide

maybe next week, or sometime in late March when there is literally fuck all to do. We've tried it before, it still doesn't work for us. I like the idea that the people in the Clipsil race are doing a bit of what we've been doing up here. You know what I mean? Like, you're sitting in the stands

of this car just going past, fuck you! Just, you know. To be fair, to be fair, I think Good Chap would have definitely been in the Clipsall if it had have been on today. And I know I'm an international guest in this country, but it's not even called Clipsall anymore. Sorry, guys. Oh, sorry. Oh, what's it called?

Something 500. Adelaide 500. So get with the program Sorry guys. Oh, sorry. What's it called? Something 500. Adelaide 500. So get with the program guys. Yeah, sorry. If you're going to slag it off, do it correctly. Right, right. Is Clipsil, was that the sponsor's name? Yes. And even they fucked off.

Now Adelaide's sponsored by Adelaide. Good get, guys. But you know what? The one thing that really thrills me about, because I left London two weeks ago in hideous snow, and I arrived at my venue, which is not too far from here, and day one in the front row, like we have tonight, people wearing shorts.

And I'm like, what the fuck? You've come to the theatre, surely you're wearing shorts. I had to tell quite a few of the guys to keep their legs shut. Yeah so you're one of those rare performers where you're Oh here we go. Oh no. That's better. So many people at our show get hard on.

Sorry we didn't warn you about that. Sorry about that. For the listener at home, Stephen was making eyes with a young man in the front row who had his legs spread in shorts and then did a bit of Sharon Stone basic instinct and crossed his legs over. We all saw a bit of mongrel up here.

Not cool, man. Why'd you have to out me like that? I didn't say it was your mongrel. Antony, can I just also congratulate you, Australia, for finally passing through same-sex marriage? We were campaigning pretty hard for the no vote on this podcast, but, yeah, thanks, man. Great.

Nice to know where you stand. I was campaigning for the no vote, And then I was going to say I'm gay So I didn't have to get married But it didn't work Did you also vote for One Nation to come back to Parliament? Awkward I didn't But I just got married about six months ago

I know, I know, I heard about it Oh, did you hear about it? What's her name? Figment? I did stop giving the fucking seagulls the chips they want so much that's fucking hilarious you seem surprised

that's a really good line it reminds me I was doing a show in London with a very very good friend of mine quite a famous comic in the UK, and we were doing this kind of tryout show, and there was only about 60 people in the audience, like a low-key secret show,

and he was trying all this great stuff and getting nothing from the audience. And you could just see him getting more and more frustrated, and he just went, God, this is like feeding caviar to pigs. That sounds like us for the first ten minutes of this show. And it didn't work.

Weird. When I was backstage, it wasn't like that. All right, let's... Do you know what? I'll be honest. I've been on this show once right twice

once you remember but you were on another show was it Brisbane was the first one Brisbane and then yeah in Melbourne back in Brisbane it was a different show

it was yeah and when they asked me to do it in Melbourne it was like a brutal show and I wasn't prepared for this because I'm a kind of nice comedian

you know and then these guys started going fuck so last night I thought you know what I'm going to get fucking hammer, you know. And then these guys started going, fuck. So last night I thought, you know what, I'm going to get fucking hammered and get prepared for these cunts. Now they're being so nice.

They're saying, fuck off. Go on, boys, give it to me. No, you need to sit in the audience, then we'll give it to you. I'm not sitting in the audience. Interesting that me saying that we campaigned for the no vote is nicer than what we were doing in the Aussie back. Sit here.

Dad's having a spare seat next to him. He actually does look 14, so he does need a paranoid guardian. Don't mention the age, come on. It's a bit creepy if you do that. How old are you, by the way, child? 16. 16. Oh, thank God.

Is that legal here? Is that legal here? Is that legal here? You can't ask that. What is what legal here? Is it legal to be 16 years old in Adelaide? You have to lie about your age for a whole year. Oh, thank God. Are you here by yourself or are you...

How did you get into a pub at... Shh! I mean... I'm not drinking. Sorry? I'm not drinking or anything. No, you're just showing your nuts to three grown-ass men. I didn't know that was a rule in Adelaide.

Or can we actually get you... Kumbaya, my lord. Kumbaya. Kumbaya. Change the fucking subject. Kumbaya. He was actually just about to... Kumbaya, my lord.

Kumbafucking ya. Alright, he's put his woggle away. We won't talk about it. Alright. Alright. Oh, God. Alright. Take a bit of a breath. about it, right. Alright. Oh, God. Alright. Ah, take a bit of a breath.

Alright. You do edit the thing, don't you? You fucking edit it, don't you? We can for a price. We can. Yeah. Well,

it's not what you said in prison. Alright, the 16-year-old liked that. Oh, oh. Okay,

alright. We've all gone. Someone's got very angry all of a sudden. Yeah. That's your dad sitting two rows back. All right. Let's get our second guest out. All right.

Folks, very stoked to have this guy on. First time he's been on a live show. Please welcome into the little Dundum Club, Randy. Yeah. Fuck you, Adelaide! Am I fitting in? Am I fitting in? Go fuck yourselves!

You backward-ass South Australian fucks! How's that? Is that what I'm... Am I contractually filling my obligations? That actually got a lot more laughs than the way we did it, so yeah. Sure. You actually look a lot like the thing that was poking out of the 16 year old kid in a front row.

Yes. Yes. Hairless and svelty. To be fair, there was only one eye on that one. Kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya. I love the way your first

two guests are ethnic minorities. Yeah, absolutely. It's diverse, the little dum-dum club. Look at us. We should have our own show, Stephen. Let's fucking break away from these chumps. You guys have already, don't worry.

You guys sell out shows. You don't have to complain about shit. Well, we still do, don't we? We do, of course. Because we've got to keep it real, right? I mean, you know, we're still here, aren't we? Yeah. On a Saturday afternoon.

Saturday afternoon. We could be at home having cups of tea. Spliff. Yep. Combayani. You know? And here we are. Yeah.

With support. With you guys this is the highlight of my fucking fringe yeah absolutely fuck you've had a rough fringe I bought tickets for this ages ago we actually had it hasn't come out yet but we had Agro on the show last week

fucking one woo that's awesome I love that weird little fucking It hasn't come out yet, but we had Agro on the show last week. Fucking one woo. That's awesome. Woo! I love that weird little fucking misogynistic ball of fluff. That's awesome. Woo! Woo!

He was very kind enough to do our show. Do you know who Agro is? Well, who's Agro? He's basically a stalwart of the Australian puppetry community. He used to host a morning cartoon show called Agro's Cartoon Connection. Oh, with the woman? Yeah, with the woman, yep. Yeah. Just the one.

We've just got the one. The legend, the legend, the blunter. Yes. Yeah, and he'd be like, ah, fucking bah! Yeah, it was him. Oh, yes. I saw something online about that. He was like Dickie Nee facing forwards.

Yeah. Yeah. I like how you explain to a guy from England, that. He was like Dickie Nee facing forwards. Yeah. Yeah. I like how you explained to a guy from England, oh, he's like Dickie Nee. Did you ever do hey-hey? No. Me? Yeah.

Oh, no, before my time. Oh, yeah. No, no. Probably for the best. There was someone that looked like you at one time. You don't. Let's not unpack that. Let's just crack on. You don't. Let's not unpack that.

Let's just crack on. No, no. Google it. Google it later. Google it later. It'll be funnier. No, I see a can of worms. That's what we're talking about.

Can we go back to talking about... Put it this way. I think Harry Connick Jr. would have given you a zero. Please, God. Can we go back to talking about bumming the 16-year-old? Oh, was it was it Oh blackface Yeah Yeah that's what they said Now there's a weird atmosphere

Yeah Thanks for making one of your guests Feel very uncomfortable Yeah Thank you I'm sorry Randy I know It's not easy

Thank you both for doing it Because you You dig yourself out of this fucking hole Oh God And what's your name again young sir Thank you both for doing it. Because you... You had to dig yourself out of this fucking hole. And what's your name again, young sir? I don't know why Adelaide gets such a bad rap. It's not that bad. I did a week of shows in Perth before.

I've been here for the whole festival. But I did a week of shows in Perth before I got here and it fucking destroyed. I had a great week and everyone, I do a bit of crowd work in my show. Everyone was bouncing back and forth. It was awesome. And then I got here to Adelaide. This is serious. In my first show, I said I was just doing a bit of work,

doing a bit of the show, and then I went, hey, mate, what's your name? And he went, doesn't matter. That was my first crowd interaction with someone from Adelaide. What's your name, mate? Doesn't matter. And then he came up to me after the show at the merch desk and vomited on my merchandise.

He vomited on your merch? He puked on the merch and it was one of those ones where he went, oh, no, I'm sorry about... and caught it, but then went... and then let it out. He could have turned his head slightly that way and dropped it and I just went... just flop right on my fucking merch.

And do you have any kind of, like, you buff on it, you bought it clause or anything like that? No, he wouldn't buy it and I just went bleh just flop right on my fucking merch and do you have any kind of like you buff on it you bought it clause no he wouldn't buy it I said that I said fucking buy it he's like no I gotta go

fuck off man yeah I think that's really quite interesting I've had some of the most weirdest people say things in the shows

in Adelaide as well yeah I do this routine about talking about same sex marriage and I was saying to the audience you know you've got some of the hottest this routine about, I was talking about same-sex marriage, and I was saying to the audience, you know, you've got some of the hottest men in Australia. And I was like, oh, I'd really like the Hemsworth brothers.

Thank you. Guilty. Yeah. The great man. And I said, I've seen the Hemsworth brothers, and I said to the audience, oh, can you imagine me in between those two? It'd be like the Chuckler brothers, like, to me, to you, to me, to you.

And somebody shouted out, no, more like a Vegemite sandwich. What the fuck? Good chap, you shouldn't have said that. I know you're from Queensland, but suppress it. That's classic chappy as far as I'm concerned. Also something I just found out, having come here for over ten years,

I didn't realise... That's it, because you come here for a month every year. You spend a twelfth of your life in Adelaide. That's fucking brutal. No, I used to do the whole thing, but now I just do two weeks or ten days. I think the five weekends is a bit too long. And of course it's grown way out of proportion,

which is brilliant, if only the people were actually going to go and see shows. The amount of people I've heard say, I went to the Fringe last night and I go,

where did you go? To the garden. Yeah. That's not the fucking Fringe. Go to a show. So they just hang out in a place called the garden. Yeah, thank you.

One person applauding. Thank you. Go and see a show. You good people here, you know Sunday is the last day. Take a punt. Go and see it you. Go and see a show. You good people here, you know it's Sunday, this is the last day. Take a punt. Go and see it.

Everyone here is doing a show. Go and check somebody out. What, $20, $30, $40? Enjoy it, because as you know, come Monday, there'll be nothing to do. I think everyone's sitting here going,

we took a punt and this is it. Yeah, yeah. They took the punt two minutes ago. They don't count. Yeah, it's going to... What I was trying to say, because I was rudely interrupted. By yourself. Fuck, they're turning on each other now.

Wasn't enough to turn on Adelaide, now we're fucking eating each other alive. Yeah, that's how you make it happen. Good old whitey. No, I didn't realise, I was doing a joke about doing exams at the age of 16, and I didn't realise that you guys do exams here,

but you don't actually have to do them, it's not compulsory, and it's called science. Science. It's not compulsory. And it's called SACE. SACE. Is that right? SACE. What? SACE.

What are you saying? SACE. Well, that's what somebody says. SACE. SACE. Sounds like a disease. I've got SACE. Sorry, just quickly.

Spoiler alert, buddy. Yeah. Oh, he's so cute He's got braces on in the front Oh my god Leave him alone Apologise He's so cute

This is gone It's not okay This is gone weird It started there though to, to be fair. We should be looking after him. This is the future of our ticket sales, right in the front row. Please come back. Please keep sitting in the front row.

Oh, this is your first show. Where the fuck were you last year? You didn't live in Adelaide. Where did you live last year? Brisbane. Malaysia? Really? Uh-oh.

Brisbane. Malaysia? Really? Uh-oh. What were you... And you were by yourself in Malaysia? What were you doing there? I lived there for five years. I lived in Australia for ten.

To be fair, look, I'm going to have to say this. That's not a very Malaysian accent. What were you doing? I'm not saying have a crack at it. I'm just saying. It's not a very Malaysian accent. Five, six, seven. Kumbaya, my lord.

Oh, God. Oh, sorry. I just want to get to the bottom of this. So what were you folks doing in Malaysia? Don't say that you want to get... This is when, as guests, this is when we just kick back and go, yeah, fucking bury yourselves. We'll watch this.

I will go down with this ship. No, I'm going to get to the bottom of it and it's totally going to be worth it. There's not enough room on that door. What did your family do in Malaysia? And surrender. We can edit this out later. Guys, take me with you, please.

Man, I'm going to land this ship all by myself. It's going to be fucking glorious. That's what Adolf Hitler said. I'm going to be like that guy

on the Hudson River. I'm going to land that plane on there. Right, here we go. What did your family do in Malaysia? Mostly just trips to Costa Rica.

Oh, man! Shawarma! He's applauding himself. What does your family do in Malaysia? Mostly just trips to Kosovo. Mostly. Wow. Bam. Shawarma. Wow. He's applauding himself. Ride that wave. Ride that wave. Yeah, right in your face.

Crack on. In your face, Shandler. Wait, Carl, is this your son? Is that why you came here? Yeah, this show's paying for your braces, son. Those are some sweet $150 braces he's got. He's sitting in the front row to learn how to do it so he can do this when I'm gone.

Not long soon. No. Oh, fuck, we've got another guest. Yeah, we do have another guest. Folks, please welcome back into the little Dunham Club, Adam Knox. Sorry. Sorry, Knoxie, we got distracted by this child in the front row. No, that's all right.

I just wanted to quickly correct you, Stephen, though it's not the Adelaide 500 anymore. It's the Adelaide 24 booked, but hopefully more turn up on the day. That's what they're calling it at the moment. Thank you. I've had fucking long enough back there to come up with that.

Finally, a bit of diversity in the guests, the white guys. Finally a bit of diversity in the guests, the white guys. Can I touch it? No, can I touch it? I don't know if I've ever seen Randy in real life before. And he looks fine, it's all right. Hey, mate, how are you? Oh, it's like weirdly rigid.

Not his fingers. Can I say, Randy's got amazing vocal projection. Like, everyone can hear him up the back and he's not even talking into a mic. I know, it's miraculous. For people at home, he's doing some cool visuals. Yeah, I work fucking great on podcasts. Oh, man, you really should have been here, Adelaide, for this one. He just did a fucking loop-de-loop.

It was a fucking amazing. So how's your Adelaide experience? It's been-loop. It was a fucking maze. So how's your outlet experience? It's been all right. Like, nothing that interesting. A couple of years ago, I got mugged here, and ever since, I've been hesitant to come back. You got mugged? Yeah.

What did the assailant look like? Anyone at home, Randy just did another trick. It's fine. Don't worry. What the fuck? Son, don't do what Daddy's doing. Don't do what Daddy does. Did you see that?

I did. I was pointing at Tommy. Oh, my God. No, I mean, I've been robbed worse by audience numbers in the years since. You went there. Now I'm scared. I went for the cheap laugh and now I'm fucking legitimately scared. It's going to be a very expensive laugh once the lawsuit comes through.

I've got witnesses. Not many, but some. You'll be with me. Yeah, cool. Or no more Koh Samui. I think the last thing you want is to see this kid in court with you. But, yeah, it's been fine this year. The worst thing has been just seeing a few depressed clowns and stuff.

It's been all right. But, hang on, you got mugged in Adelaide. Yeah. Well, okay. Who here mugged in Adelaide? Yeah. Well, okay. I got... Who here is actually from Adelaide? Oh, okay. What are they complaining? They're so paranoid. They came out here and fucking listed their enemies like

Richard Nixon. It's fine. Hey, they haven't got Richard Nixon here yet. For Richard Nixon, he was like the go-to joke president when Donald Trump didn't exist but now it's completely defunct but uh I I was on Hindley Street which apparently was a bad idea and it was late at night I was getting money out and a guy came up to me he was like shaking around and uh he he came up and just I pulled the money and he went oh can I have some

of that but like he he wasn't saying can. He didn't mean can. You know what I mean? He was like, and he had his hand in his pocket, which made me think maybe he had a knife in there. So I was like, oh, I gave him the money and I walked away. And only later realised like, oh, he might have just had his hand in his pocket.

Hey, if only it was that easy to get money from people from Adelaide, usually. in his pocket. Hey, if only it was that easy to get money from people from Adelaide. Usually. Next year my show's going to be called Can I Have Some of That? Can I ask how much did you get out? I got out $100, but I did a little trick

and I only gave him $50 and I palmed the other $50. An even better trick would have been to have said, no. Man, no, don't think like that. You totally ripped that guy off, man. Well done. That was good. Have you had, like, Randy's talk about funny comments from the audience?

Has anything like that happened to you? No, people sit and enjoy themselves most of the time. Oh, lucky for some. I'm sure both of them do, Adam. That's funny. Yeah, people like... No one ever really yells out anything. A guy said that he was a serial killer yesterday.

I was like, oh, what are you doing? No one yells out anything. A guy said that he was a serial killer yesterday. I was like, oh, what are you doing? No one yells out anything stupid. Oh, no, actually, someone said they were a serial killer. I was saying, oh, you got a lot of serial killers in Adelaide. He went, yeah, I'm one! And then everyone looked at him and he was like, oh, whoops. I didn't have to say anything because he

immediately, from the entire group of people there went oh this fucking sucks I shouldn't have tried to say anything in public it was one of those did I say that out loud moments you know when you're not sure if you like when I came out and went fuck you Adelaide I wasn't sure if it was in a monologue or just spewing out of my face hole

can I touch you on the beard with my own face yeah man go for it. Come closer. It's a shame because everything you say is so loudly projected. Even if you mumble something under your breath, it ends up at the back of the room. I know. It's fucking weird.

Hey, Noxy, you were telling me that you were doing this and then I never heard the follow-up of it, which makes me think maybe something fucked happened. You went and did stand-up at your old school recently. Oh, yeah. How did that go? Genuinely, I realised my fly was down the entire time. I realised afterwards.

It was like a literal nightmare. Did you look like this kid? No, they were even younger. Stop spreading your legs, man. No, it's fine. You can spread them. You mean stop... Leave him alone!

You mean stop spreading your legs, boy, as well. It's so much worse. But, yeah, they were all my old teachers, all these people who looked like the peers who I grew up with, and I stood there in front of them trying to tell them jokes for 20 minutes with a big old green pair of boxes staring them right in the face. No-one fucking said anything. It's so much... If someone has, like, a big...

What do you say? You're cocked, aren't you, now? What a heckle. We can see your dick. We can see your big Hulk dick. There's no misconstruing that sentence So who was in the audience? Was it the pupils or was it? Every person at the school

Wow So including old teachers? Including old teachers Because it was like an anniversary of the school They booked your stand up for the anniversary of the school Yeah Children, don't ever do this Was it an open mic anniversary or? of the school. Children, don't ever do this.

Was it an open mic anniversary? I don't know why they did it. Genuinely, I have no idea why they did it. I also question their motives, but I did it and went fantastically for someone with his fucking dick out. I never want to

do it again, but I'm doing it again in a month and a half. What? They're getting you back. Yeah, I don't know why. What's this the anniversary of? Me having my dick out about a year ago. Is that why they've got you back? Probably.

Like, do it again. Turn around this time just in case. I don't know what their motives are. They used to get comedians to come through when I was there. But now they get you instead? Yeah. You booked me on this. I don't know.

Sorry, but when you put them up like that, I have to put them down like that. That's fair. That's fair. You hear that? Don't put them up. Don't have them visible. Yeah.

So you're going back in a month to do more Sorry Randy just let off some fireworks for people at home So are you going to do anything different for this second gig? I probably won't do anything different I reckon it went well the first time So maybe having my fly down is like the Is the thing that I need to do to make sure that I

Randy's trying to fuck our gig by making people laugh Randy, you ever been invited back to an old school to do stand-up or anything like that? No, I haven't No, I haven't Although, I did a gig with Sammy J at his old school. He went to school on the peninsula in Victoria and we went back and did a thing there.

And he said before the show, he's like, all right, so, you know, they're year 12s, they're kind of forward thinking, it's fine, it won't be too crazy, but, you know, just sort of reining in a bit. And I met the principal and he was very straight and I was like, okay, just do a good job. I was like, yeah, yeah, cool, man.

I've got your back. I'll be responsible. First thing we came out and he's like, ladies and gentlemen, Sammy J. And I popped up and went, g'day, cunts! Have not been asked back. Randy popping out of that table just then is exactly what the kids were looking at

when I did it at my school. Visual jokes on a podcast, yeah. How are you going, Stephen? We haven't heard from you for a while. I know, because I just thought the guys were asking questions, so I thought I'd just sit back and relax and see what was going and see, maybe hopefully I'll get a question. Shall I just fucking fuck off then, shall I?

Have you ever gone and done a gig at an old school or an old workplace? Great idea for a question. Stephen, have you ever gone back and done a gig at your old school or like a workplace or something? Do you know, I haven't, to be honest. I haven't, but my brother... Shit question, Randy. Thanks a lot, cunt. My brother worked

for like a pharmaceutical company and asked me if I'd go there and do a gig for them. So I've never done one for... Although I did, my former university did send me a letter asking me if I could be one of their alumni. And I was like, no.

I did not have a good time when I was there. So why do I want to be it now? Why not? What happened? Because I failed. That's not their fault though, is it? Yes, it was. They had a very great student union with a lovely bar and they had a lovely canteen on site.

So I wasn't focused, and it's their fucking fault. They had basic amenities set up that anywhere in the world has, and I was incredibly distracted by access to food and water. You may mock, you may mock, but you have to have access to food and basic water, and the basicness is bread. You may mock, you may mock, but you have to have access to food and basic water, and the basicness is bread, right? Everybody should have access to bread.

But now we see grown adults kind of ignoring fucking bread, which I think is mental. Did you know that? I hear grown people saying things like, oh, oh, bread is far too refined. It really bloats me. I can't eat it. I'm gluten intolerant. Fuck you. Who'd have thought the town of bakeries would love

bread? I'm not even sure what gluten is. But having eaten gluten free, I assume it's the ingredient that makes stuff taste fucking nice. And how is this your university's fault exactly? So I don't eat

bread. You're wrong. You're flying in the face of society, history and God. And God said, let there be bread. And there was bread. And God said, let there be bread. Thank you. And there was bread. Yes.

Hey, I fucking love... And it was grainy. I love bread. I just can't be trusted with it. That's why. I eat a loaf of bread a day. That 16-year-old. You can't be trusted with bread.

Yeah. What the fuck do you do with it? Shove it up your arm? No. It's more of an American pie style thing. No, no. I'll get up and I'll have toast and then I'll have bread and butter for the morning snack

and then, like... What? A snack? Yeah. So, wait, toast, then bread and butter chaser after the toast. As a snack? Yes. Are we at war?

Snack. I'm not fully understanding what's weird about this yet. Yeah, yeah. So, toast, then bread and butter in the morning, then, like, about four... Toast is bread and butter in the morning, then like about four... Toast is bread and butter. It's the same meal. You've just added heat to it.

Yes. Eating the same meal twice, though, real good. Yeah. Yeah. It's just leftovers from two hours ago. So then sandwiches for lunch and then maybe a bit of bread and butter again in the afternoon and then bread and butter

with the main meal. See this is why I'm not allowed to have bread anymore. You have bread and butter with the main meal? We don't live in a country pub. Yeah I love it. That's what my nan gave me and now I love it. And where is she now? Dead. Oh I got him.

You idiot. Check out us. I left myself wide open for that one. Ooh, la-di-da with our alive nans up here. Shouldn't have rocked up to Adelaide with a dead grandma. If you don't mind bread for every meal, though, you can keep going with this kid. It doesn't really matter.

They got bread in prison. Oh, yeah, bread and water, nice. All right, I said that too weird. Well, should we go to an episode of Australia's favourite and most long-running serial, Rad Dad? Yeah? We have a script for you guys to read out. Can we hear the theme song?

Actually, this time. The thing that you played at the start that fucked us right up, can you play that now? What is this? It's a little radio play that we do. Now we can't actually have the song we got before. There's one under your seat. Oh, here we go, here we go.

We didn't ask permission for this, but if you can read what we tell you to read, that'd be great. Randy, you all good? Yeah. You've committed yours to memory, haven't you? Oh, yeah. Cool. I'm off the book.

Does anyone here like Rad Dad? I feel like are we... Sometimes I feel like it's pushing shit up a hill, so... As long as you want this. Can I just point out that I have not seen this? I've just literally been handed this. Oh, they'll know once you start saying the lines, don't worry. Which character am I?

You're Randy. OK, good, yep, check. Can you follow that, Randy? Yeah, I can see that. Yep. And who am I? You're Stephen. Fuck. Adam, don't ask.

Well, there's no one named fucking Jenny up here, so I've got to be... That's me. That's you? I've never listened to this podcast before. All right, we're starting it properly now Here we go Blackbugs blood Little boys balls

Little boys balls Can't eat bread I can't eat bread I can't eat bread I can't eat bread I can't eat bread. I can't eat bread. I can't eat bread. I can't eat bread. I can't eat bread. I can't eat bread. I can't eat bread.

Not a southern fly, yeah. That one went really well. That was exactly how we wrote it, you guys. Nailed the inflection. That was great. Now for the boring bit. Great news, Jenny. Today you get to accompany me to the doctor so I can finally get the check.

Is it the check for whether you should kill yourself? Because you don't need a doctor for that. I'll give you the go-ahead right now for free. No, Jenny. I got this letter saying it's time to get my prostate examined. And because this is my weekend with you, you'll have to come with me. Interesting how you think that forcing your daughter to watch your asshole get fingered is going to help you keep custody. Wait, what?

My asshole's going to get fingered? No Jenny, I said I was getting my prostate checked, not go to Thailand. Well, at least you're a chance of finding those car keys and passport you lost. Look, Rad Dad, a prostate check is someone actually checking your arsehole medically. Are you at all worried that they might find something actually bad in there? Well, safety first then, Jenny. Happy to do it. Even if they want to check twice, three times, four times, five times, I'm happy for the staff to clear their day schedule.

Bring in a team of experts. Let's get the job done properly. Come on, Jenny. Every minute we stand here talking is another minute where my date isn't being absolutely ploughed. And here we are at the doctor's surgery. Excuse me, I believe I have an appointment under the surname Dad? Yes, hello, Mr. Dad. I'm your doctor, Dr. Ramsey, and I'll be... LAUGHTER

And I'll be administering this exam. Most of my patients need a lot of coaxing and reassurance, but I see you're all ready to go. I'll just pop my finger in now. You just stuck your finger in my mouth. What? That's not your arsehole. Wow.

To be honest, I was going to say that was pretty beaten up looking, even for an arsehole. pretty beaten up looking, even for an arsehole. Hey, enough foreplay, let's get down to business. Jenny, my hips are still injured from when I fell off my radical razor scooter on my 41st birthday, so I'm going to need you to bend me over for the good doctor. Wow, this is really embarrassing.

I wish no one was watching me right now. In other words I wish I was a podcast in Adelaide. Listen Doctor Dr. Ramsey, if that is your real name, I'm bent over now but I'm starting to doubt your credentials. Why is that? Well for one I didn't know you could stick those wooden tongue depressors up there and two the rest of the paddle pop is still detached.

No one is going to want to lick a prize after this. Wow, I've seen a lot of men's anuses in my time because I'm a doctor. But this one takes the cake. How much death have you put up here? I can see, wow, a mighty morphin' Power Ranger. Some ping-pong balls.

Have you been doing any art part-time work in Thailand? Because that is not how you do it. And, oh, oh, oh, no, I have terrible news. Oh, please don't say it. Please say it. Mr. Dad, you have arse cancer. Hello! Oh, wow, the cancer is big and purple and it's got googly eyes and it's talking to us.

Yeah, yeah, they get it, they get it. So, Rad Dad, you've finally found me. Finally everyone knows there's something worse inside you than your personality. Finally found me. Finally everyone knows there's something worse inside you than your personality. This is your penance for all the times you've made fun of Jenny for having cancer as a child. What the fuck? And... It goes on.

It goes on. And like these fingernails of teenage Thailand residents, I'm in your arsehole and I'm here to stay. I didn't write it, fuck you! You're living in this man's arse? Well, this is a rare case where I have more sympathy for the cancer than the patient. Well, lucky the audience don't have cancer or they'd get to make a wish people to stop us doing this episode. I'm going to ruin your life, rad dad.

Something stuck up your arse your whole life. It's the worst. And personally, I should know. You're going to be so weakened that your whole life will come to a grinding halt. No friends, no relationships, confined to the couch watching reruns of shows from the 90s. Wow, I think I've had cancer

for 15 years then. Sounds great. When's the bad stuff start? Doctor, is there anything that I can do? Anything you can do? I thought you'd be happy about this. I mean, like, to speed it up. If there was, don't you think I'd be doing it already? However, I am duty-bound by my job to say this.

There is this cream that we can apply to the area that might cure the cancer. Hello? I'm playing the anus cream. Not a nurse. Not another patient. Not one of Rad Dad's friends. Not even a heavyset open mic. Desperate to promote his comedy festival shows.

I wouldn't know how to do that one, though. Anus cream. Talking anus cream. Anyway, here comes my big line. Take this, you nasty cancer! No! I'm defeated! You haven't seen the last of me, Rad Dan!

She'll be back. It's a miracle. I'm cured. I'm so relieved. I've got to tell my manager, it's okay to say no to things. And that's my final line. Well, folks, I feel like we've had a lot of fun here today, but like an episode of Rad Dad, what we've been talking about is no laughing matter.

Bad comedy can strike anyone at any time. And its effects can be devastating. Bad comedy annually affects thousands of podcast attendees across the country, and a dozen podcast attendees in Adelaide. If you, or someone

you know has been affected by bad comedy, call 0438. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up, you big fat homeless looking ointment. Now make like a bar girl in Phuket and get rubbing against my arsehole. Oh, right, Dad. We did it

Well I reckon we've got to wrap this episode up Yes Guys give a big round of applause Randy Adam Knox Big fat homeless open mic Stephen K Amos Guys thank you so much for listening

and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. Welcome once again to another ripping episode of Talking Dumbbell. Oh, you've heard this one already, haven't you? Yep, I've jumped ahead. Right. It goes really well. Right, out of ten?

Two. It's the best thing I've ever been. Right. It goes really well. Right. Out of 10? Two. It's the best thing I've ever been a part of. Yeah. How does this work now? We just do two shows now. This is our life now. We just do two shows. Two shows in one show.

What's stupid now is that you and I are now having to – because so for the next few weeks all people are hearing is live episodes, live recordings, which in the good old days used to mean, great, that's done. The episode's taken care of. We don't have to worry about finding time to record during the week. We just put that out. Yep. But now that we do this bullshit, we still have to find time to meet up

and talk for a fucking hour. Yep. It's just on top of organising a fucking live episode as well. It's a nightmare. Yep. It's a cursed existence and I wish we'd never started this thing. I think we should add a third thing. That's not bad.

Yeah. A little bit in the middle or something. Yeah. Yeah, a little commercial break in between, in the middle of Talking Dumb Dumb. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay, let's do that. Talking Talking Dumb Dumb.

Oh, okay. Right, right. So you're saying we set up a second Patreon for Talking Dumb Dumb? Oh, okay. Right, right. So you're saying we set up a second Patreon for Talking Dumb Dumb. Oh, yes. For people who are fans of this to keep this bit going. Now, that's good. Because this – so this – yeah, the bit we're reading out in this, this is for people that have supported what they've just heard.

So that's for people paying money because they liked the episode with Stephen K. Amos and Adam Knox and Randy. Yep. But this is off the clock. This is – yeah, the Talking Talking Dum Dum Patreon is for people that don't like the guests. Yes, they just like this stuff. Yeah.

That's great. Yeah. All right, let's start it off. Let's do a very unsuccessful thing and do that. And then we do bonus episodes of this as well. Oh, God. Let's just move in together. Fucking hell.

What is this? Oh. Let's just move in together. Fucking hell. What is this? So, look, Koh Samui. Koh Samui is coming up as we talked at the top. I'm getting excited now that we talked about last week how we've got the jam.

Jam Bar is the host of the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival Roadshow gig. So I had – I mean, this is what I like doing, obviously. Like I'll get on the webcam and just look at places in Thailand. What I enjoyed doing for half an hour today was just looked at Google Maps, found where Jambari is in Copenhagen, and then just scrolled around a couple of kilometres around just looking at the various resorts and backpackers and things that are close to Jam. Just on Google Maps?

Yes. So were you doing street view? No, no, no. Or is just the top down, the bird's eye view, geographic map view is enough to get your rocks off? Yes, but I was going further than that. Right, okay. You know when you scroll through and then it comes up,

there's little restaurants or accommodation or whatever. You can just click on there and they'll say straight away, this is how much it is per night, how many stars, blah, blah, blah. So it's not a good, because I was like thinking, I've got to be comprehensive. I've got to give out the exact proper recommendations of where we should all be staying or going or whatever it is, all the advice.

I don't want to be sending people to Copenhagen and then going, fucking fend for yourself, idiots. Yeah, I don't want to be half-assing it. I'll look up on Google for a bit and then send those recommendations to people. Exactly. So there wouldn't be Google Maps street view on any of those islands, would there? That would be, I don't recall once seeing the fucking Google car driving down the main street of Chewang Beach.

They should strap it to those vans that go around promoting the boxing. Yeah. I know, I reckon there would be. There'd have to be. It's like, like, Coastal Millie's not some abandoned fucking tiny little island that no one goes to. Like, it's pretty flat out. Yeah, but there's towns in Australia that don't have street view yet.

Don't they? Pretty sure. Well, you think of how many people are in the main chewing street. There's fucking lots. Like, you'd do that before you'd do Castlemaine. Yeah, but they're all tourists. That doesn't mean, like, there's any need for people to be able to have like a virtual kind of walking tour of the street.

I reckon that's absolutely a reason for that to happen. We're in a room where neither of us has access to Wi-Fi at the moment so we have no way of looking this up. Oh, I can't wait to get home and get on this, find this out. Yeah, so exciting about the Jam Bar. So there's nothing like super, super close to it but, yeah, so exciting about the Jam Bar. So there's nothing like super, super close to it. But yeah, I don't know whether people – look, I don't really want to put out the official like this is where we all stay over there because I don't want everyone to stay in the

same place. I'm like I'll pick my own place to stay. People – at a certain point, people have to be able to do some things for themselves. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I think it would be more fun for people to find out themselves. So I'll chuck out a few names of places but I don't think I'm going to be staying super close to where the bar is.

Yeah. Yeah. I might stay in Bangkok and just commute in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be – it's not that far away now. I know.

You know what? Why did I think this? Oh, I'll tell you why I thought this because at the gym I go to, they're starting their next eight-week challenge on the day that the comedy festival ends, like the day after the comedy festival ends. And I was like, maybe I'll do it. And then they were like, and so that's going to finish on June 17. And I was like, well, I won't be able to do it.

But that also means that like when the comedy festival finishes, it's sort of like seven and a bit weeks. Right. That's crazy. Yeah, that's exciting. That's – I mean, we've got a lot of stuff organised, but we do have – Do we? Well, I do.

But there is some stuff to do. Yeah. So, no, it's going to be fun. But, yeah, there's definitely some work to be done that once we finish these shows, we'll have to sit down and really nut out. A lot of people chomping at the bit for some kind of playing times announcement so they know when they can make sure they see the dollop and then make plans to go have dinner on a hill when we're doing our show. Well, it won't be coming any time soon, I wouldn't have thought.

Don't be thinking you're making those reservations 10 weeks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, God, yeah, like it's two months away. You're going to this fucking island. You're stuck there. You'll be going to see what we put on when we put it on. Just roll with it. Yeah.

It's not fucking New York City over there. It's like you're sitting in a resort. When we're not on, you're going to be in. I know it's not New York. They don't have Google Street View yet. Yeah. Well, you don't know that. I don't know that. I don't know that.

I don't know anything that's on the internet right now. That's not cool to be sprouting lies like that, potential lies. So, look, you'll be in the pool. You'll be drinking cocktails. You'll be drinking beers. And then when we say, when we click our fucking little fingers, you'll be doing whatever we're doing. That's what's going to happen.

It's a cult. It really is a cult. Yeah. It's sort of exciting. Oh, should cult. It really is a cult. Yeah. It's sort of exciting. Oh, should we say this as well? Just quickly, wait. Let me just bring this up. If we find out that it's not on Google Street View,

what about you hit up Google and offer to do it for them pro bono? I'd be happy to do it. Just drive around the island with the camera. You know what? I do want to do that thing where because when I go to the gym on the treadmill, I just look up Koh Samui stuff and Copenhagen stuff. There's a couple of new videos I've been watching where it's like someone with a GoPro on their chest and just on the scooter and just riding around the island and me just watching that.

I want to do one of them. I want to do one of those where it's like you go around and you commentate the whole time. Maybe we could do – maybe it would mean you could get on a bike together and one of us dink the other and we do a live podcast as we're riding around. I can't think of anything worse than doing a travel vlog. A podcast is about as low as I'm prepared for my life to sink. Being a travel vlogger is just – I like it.

Oh, the worst. But we made a travel vlog. We made a documentary. That was basically it. It's a documentary. It's not us looking into the – oh, it is us. Oh, the worst. But we made a travel vlog. We made a documentary. That was basically it. It's a documentary. It's not us looking into the – oh, it is us. Okay, fuck. It's not really a documentary at all.

I'm in too deep. Yeah, it was a travel vlog. Cool. So anyway, that's coming up. I'm sort of excited to know whether people are still on the fence about it because, you know, a lot of people have committed to it already and whatever. But two months out, this is like we talked about last time. This is the exciting bit where people are starting to go you know what

fuck it fuck a lot of people yeah i mean people will come out of relationships people will lose jobs or people will get new jobs where they have time off around then i mean i know you're you're surprised by anyone who does that sort of stuff last minute yep but i'm more surprised by anyone who could be fucked booking it in that far in advance. Yeah, sure. And you're also a person who has organised trips to Thailand within about a 24-hour window. Yes. Yeah, this is the crunch time of like I think you're going to see a lot of people all of a sudden come to the party.

Yeah, okay. Well, if you are like that, hit us up on the socials. Always interested to know the new parties that are getting involved. We definitely know there's so many people coming already but anyone new to the party, let us know. We should just change the name of this bit of the show to Talking Samui, because that's routinely what it is.

Maybe that can be the third thing. So we start talking dum-dum, then we go into Talking Samui, then we come out of that into the Patriots. This is what I'm going to do in the next week or two. I'm going to start up the new, we have like, for year we had a private little Coastal Movie International Podcast Festival group. Gold class members. Gold class members on Facebook that was just private for people who had bought tickets to go along.

And did we say this on the show that while we were there, literally all it was was people posting each day asking if anyone had found their sunglasses around the pool, which it was hard to know at what point it became a joke. I think there was like critical mass where it was genuine and then the last day was just like... It became like that Facebook spam, you know, when all of a sudden someone will accept a friend of some bot and then it's like just a Ray-Ban ad on their Facebook page.

It's like that. It's just all sunglasses feed on this fucking group page. So anyway, anyone who's ever... I'll be doing that soon and adding in, emailing everyone who's bought a ticket to the festival and then be putting you all in the group so that you get up to date. Can you please call it – can we just formalise it this time? Koh Samui International Podcast Festival 2018, sunglasses lost and found. Okay.

All right. All right. Don't say that because then all we're going to cop is fucking sunglasses. Don't do that. That's all I want to cop. I'll hit up Ray-Ban and see if they can sponsor the group. Yes. Yes.

Hit up cheap Ray-Ban and see if they'll sponsor it for a little bit less. Fuck. Oh, man. Fuck, how good would it be to get like some, like an actual fucking pirate operation over there to sponsor us? Yeah. Yeah. We'll flog all your ripped off camera DVDs.

I wonder if we could get sponsored by, yeah, look, a company over there. I don't think it's really going to happen though. They don't have the money over there. I've been, look, behind the curtain, I've been hitting up proper companies to sponsor this festival, really trying to make it easy for myself, for ourselves. But fuck, it's hard. Yeah.

So many people don't understand. So, hey, if you work for a big company that's got – you know, this is going to be a big festival. This is something – if you work for a company that maybe sells beer or some sort of food or travel or whatever it is, I mean, we've already got this like a slight STA sponsorship. Yep. We're looking for more of an overarching thing.

But, like, while I bring that up, totally hit up STA with all the details that we've provided you in the last couple of weeks and let them know that you are coming from the Little Dum Dum Club because from now until the festival, even if you're going to Costa Mui or you're going anywhere, if you use those details, it's a big help for us. Would you want to read them out again? I don't have them here but if you can hit up, it's all over the socials in the last couple of weeks. I'll be putting it up again soon.

I've got the email here. Hang on. Okay. You hit up tlddc.au at statravel.com. Yes, right. Email that and ask for, you know, get a quote from the internet, whatever you need to do, whether it's travel insurance or flights or a comm, hit them up and they'll basically match it

and it helps us out with every time they hear from a dumb, dumb listener, it helps us out. So do all that. But like I said before, if you work for a big company and you think, man, this is, for not that big of a fee, we could sponsor this huge festival with heaps of people there. And that means we're going to be talking about you on the socials. Your brand will get heaps of plugs on the socials.

You'll also get – this is what we can offer people now, Carl. Yes. You'll get a plug on the Little Dum Dum Club. You'll also get coverage on Talking Dum Dum. You'll get coverage every week on Talking Samui. Yep. You'll get coverage every week on Google Street View Corner. Yes.

I mean, this is the thing. We've got, we actually have this whole kind of net, this stable, this network of shows to offer people advertising on. Are we running our own podcast network now? Yes. It's all contained within the one podcast. Wow. And look, you can, I'll put it out there, you can be the official sponsor, of course,

of the Roadshow gig as well. Yes. Have your name up in lights at the Jamba. The Jamba, yeah. Awesome. Yeah, so if you can be the official sponsor, of course, of the Roadshow gig as well. Yes. Have your name up in lights at the Jam Bar. The Jam Bar, yeah. Awesome. Yeah, so if you can do that. Also, while we're talking commerce, we do have a new T-shirt out. We haven't said this on the show,

but we just released it a couple of days ago when we recorded this, when we recorded another episode. That you'll hear in about three months. Yes. But go to the website and you'll find out we've got a new T-shirt that has a thing that we very want to say that we thought people would enjoy. People bought a bunch of them already. But it's a T-shirt that says –

Up the bum, no babies. No, not that one. That is a private T-shirt of mine that I will not be selling on. I wish that was ours. I wish we'd invented that saying. The pride that you would have. We've got a new shirt that says, all right, mate, we've all got stuff going on. I wish that was ours. I wish we'd invented that saying. The pride that you would have. We've got a new shirt that says, all right, mate, we've all got stuff going on. Yeah.

Which we thought you would very much enjoy. Which is another way of saying up the bum, no, baby. Yes. It's not, but still, buy one. So go onto the website. That is now added to the official canon of merch that we do have. Awesome. All right.

So Patreon. Let's get into it. Yeah. We, as you've mentioned elsewhere in the show people that like to support this show with a bit of money if you enjoy it

if this is a big part of your week always nice to receive a few shekels from you guys we really appreciate it it's the only reason we do this

we cannot stress that enough this is we're both against our will at the moment we've both got better things to do than be sitting here in a dark room doing this. We're slaves to the shareholders.

Yes. We are in a very dimly lit room. This kind of is like the meeting in the middle of what you like and what I like. Yeah. Because the lights are – for some reason, the light switch in this room that we're in only turns on about three very small lights up the back of the room. So it's – lights are on, but it may as well be darkness. Yeah.

Yeah, I like it. I've got my back to the light actually. Yeah, I'm facing the lights and you're facing the dark end of the room. So obviously... We're a regular bloody spy versus spy. We give out bonus episodes to people who chuck in enough and bonus magazines and stuff like that. Part of it

obviously is, if you've ever heard the show before, we like to name our benefactors. Are we the benefactors or are they the benefactors? We're benefactors. No, are we the benefactors or are they the benefactors? We're benefactors. I think they're the benefactors, aren't they? You say from a mysterious benefactor. Yes, okay, they're benefactors. We're benefactees?

Yes, okay. Is that even a word? I don't know. Benefactee. I think that's fine. We've benefacted. We benefact from it. We benefact. Why isn'tact from it. We benefact.

Why doesn't it just benefit? I'm benefacting right now. So, obviously, I chuck all the names into a little bit of software called the Unplanned Title Alternator to keep it fair, to keep the government officials here this week doing their random spot checks. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I don't think they've officiated with this new bit of software.

Oh, okay. Yeah, they did the old one. Right, right, right. We just got the old. You know, it's like a drug test. Like you just randomly, you've got to go in and piss in a cup. Yeah. Well, we've actually got to do that as well tonight, by the way.

Yeah, we piss into the machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to piss into the unplanned title alternator. It's fueled by piss. Yeah, it's great. Have you ever brought that up before? I think we kind of just do it before the show. Right.

And then we just assume no one would be interested to hear about this. It's just us kind of, you know, it's just bureaucracy. No one wants to hear about that. Yeah, sure. So let's go ahead and start doing the names. So thank you to, right, first of all, first cap off the rank, thank you to Patreon subscriber Scott Chisholm. Scott Chisholm.

Yeah, Chisholm. Chisholm. You know, Chisholm. Chisholm. Scott Chisholm. Chisholm. SC. Chisholm was a house in my primary school.

You know, when you have house sports. Yeah. Did you have house sports? Not currently, but yes. No. What house were you in school? Ross. Ross.

Ross. Yeah. Named after who? The great man, Ross Geller from Friends. Oh, really? Yes. That's cool. Who were the other houses?

Rachel. Yes, go on. Monica. Yes. Phoebe. And? Gunter. Fuck, how come Chandler didn't get a go?

How disappointing. And we even had a monkey house. Wow. That's great. That's a cool school you go to. Yeah. Well, mine was very boring. Mine had a house called Chisholm in it.

Really? But I wasn't in Chisholm. What were you in? I was in Herring. Herring? Yeah. Nice. Like a fish.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't believe it was named after the fish because it would be weird if you had a house named after a fish and then one named after chisholm because that's not a fish, I believe. So you're claiming to know all of the names of all of the species of fish that exist out there? I was certainly intimating that. I wasn't saying it out loud, but yeah.

I picked up. I read between the lines. Nothing gets past me, though. That was an extremely humble brag in that I didn't even know I was doing it as I was doing it. No, Herring. Yeah, I was house captain of Herring. Great.

House captain. Yeah. I think we've talked about this. Pretty good shit. Yeah. The boss, to which I believe the only thing I was actually responsible for was picking the order of people in the tunnel ball team.

Great. I reckon you tried to get a few other things going too. You would have gone mad with power within about a day, I reckon. No, I don't think I did. Yeah, there was just nothing to do. Right. It was like, oh, house captain, cool, what do I do? Nothing.

People just go and do their sports and that's it. Yeah. So there's literally nothing to organise. Any kind of like position of, you know, power, inverted commas, at school was just meant you giving up your lunchtime to have shit meetings. Yeah. You saw people like go pretty hard to get on the student representative council and be like, oh, this is fucked.

Yeah. This means we miss out on all the fun stuff of being a kid. Yeah. So I think I was in a little bit of – I did a couple of years there in school where I was like, yeah, I want these positions or I want these badges or whatever it was. So I was a house captain. I was like really wanting that house captain.

So then I got it and did nothing except for pick the tunnel boarder. And then I think I went to – that was like grade six. Then I went to year seven and I was room captain, I think. I got room captain. What's that? Yeah, you had like a homeroom. Did you ever have that? So you're not the captain of the house that the meetings happen in?

No, but house captain was in primary school. It was the house of your sports team. Right. Then I went to high school. So you didn't have houses in your high school? I don't think so. We were the other way around. We didn't have them in primary school. We only had them to high school. So you didn't have houses in your high school? I don't think so. We were the other way around.

We didn't have them in primary school. We only had them in high school. Ah, right. Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure we didn't have them in high school. Right. But you had a homeroom in year seven. And so I was the room captain and I don't even remember what that entailed. But I remember there was a badge. You thought the tunnel bullshit was boring.

Yeah. I think it was even less responsibility than that. But I did get a badge so that's why I gunned for right right I was pretty keen badge collector yeah pretty keen on getting a bit of uh silverware right trying to get a few trophies a little you know a little a little bit of competitiveness that's where it all started right for me yeah so anyway um thanks Scott thanks uh Chisholm. I have to say seeing that money roll in has just made me chisholm in my pants. Wow, why the fuck was I talking about house sports for when we could have been doing that? I was about to go to it and then you just led into this. Little did I know it was going to be a 15-minute discussion about your school days.

Yeah, good shit. Which leads nicely into chisholeling in my pants in year seven. Yeah, you were a late bloomer in that because you didn't get a badge for doing it so you had no interest. Oh, imagine being the captain of chiseling. That'd be great if your school told you there'll be an award for the first male student to do a cum. Right.

So, you know, the kind of chaos that would involve. Like a Scouts thing where you get your badge for. Yeah, exactly. For tying knots. Yeah, for big cummies. Badge for cumming. Badge for Scott jizzming in your pants. Yes.

Let's move on. We should have gotten out a bit earlier. No, I didn't mind that. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. I'm getting the all clear from the officials. Yep, they liked that one. They liked the jizz. They liked what we did with all that.

Yeah, they actually weren't won over by the house story, but as soon as you said the jizzing in your pants, it's like, oof. Well, life's a journey, isn't it? Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jason Chain. C-H-E-Y-N-E. Chain? C-H-E what? C-H-E-Y-N-E. I think that's Chain. Chain. C-H-E-Y-N-E. Chain? C-H-E what? C-H-E-Y-N-E.

I think that's chain. Chain. Let's go with chain. Jason Chain. Great Fleetwood Mac song, The Chain. The Jason Chain? The Jason Chain. What would you cop to school?

Chain, with a name like chain. Bit of Tina Arena references? I'm in chains. Yes? No? I wouldn't have thought so, Ed. That's what happened at our school. Really?

You'd pick on people by just Tina Arena references. Really? That was... Wow, okay. I don't know enough of the discography of Tina Arena to ever make fun of someone about it. You weren't in Chisholm House, were you? No. Or Herring?

No. Wow. Lucky for you. Yeah. You would have thought very badly of Tina Arena because you would have associated it with heavy primary school bullying. Right. I wonder if she knows this.

I personally never told her. I never heard of anyone telling her. Okay. Well, she probably doesn't then. I believe it still goes on in that primary school though. Really? It's part of the hazing policy when you get there. Exactly.

Because we didn't have that much to work with back then because she was mid-career. She's had a lot more career since then. We really had sort of tiny Tina Arena references. So every time she does something new, there's a day off school so that everyone can kind of prepare their material for the next day. Well, I don't know if they go that far. I mean, that seems a bit silly. It does seem a little silly now that I've said it. You've made a bit of fun of a tradition in Maribor.

But anyway, whatever. But they've got a lot of French stuff to work with now because, you know, she lives in France and she's a very proud France liver. A Francophile. Is that what that means? I don't think so. Okay. Yeah, so Tina Arena.

Yeah, a lot of people from Maribor are still, you know, well up and shiver a little bit when they play her songs on the radio because they just think of absolutely copying it. Takes you back. Mental disintegration. Right, right. Within the Maribor primary school. Oh, well, that's a shame.

Well, thanks, Chains. Thanks, Chainsy. Yeah the Mirabara Primary School. Oh, well, that's a shame. Well, thanks, Chains. Thanks, Chainsy. Yeah, thanks, Jason Chains. You've, yeah, I feel like I'm back from NAMM and I hear the Channel 7 choppers flying overhead. Oh, I've got to shake it out. Anyway, let's move on. Thank you to Patron Subscriber.

The officials are like, you know, they were really emoted then. They were welling up as they heard that story, the tragic tale of bullying. Yeah, their Big Ten Arena fans, I think, was the main thing. They never knew this about it. Yes. Probably one of them, maybe from, yes, one from Maribor. Oh, wow.

That's why. It's weird that you guys didn't recognise each other. Well, I don't know everyone from Maribor. Seems like you kind of do. The innovation subscriber subscriber Nicholas Hudson. Hudson Hawk. Nicholas on the Hudson. Nicholas, Nick Hudson.

Nick, Nicky. I don't have much for Nick Hudson. I don't either. I'm interested though in people who, so people who when they subscribe they've put their full, so like Nicholas. So he's made a decision to not go by Nick. Now that's always interesting to me. Yeah.

People going by Thomas or Timothy or. Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. Christopher. It's like, all right, Nick, much cooler than Nicholas. Chris, much cooler than Christopher. Tom, much cooler than Thomas. Why would much cooler than Christopher. Tom, much cooler than Thomas. Why would you bother? Why would you do that?

Go with a cool name. Yeah, I don't know. I wonder what it is. What's the… See, Nick Hudson, that's kind of cool. Yeah. Mate, we'd be riffing up a storm on that one. But instead, we've been… We've been bogged down.

Yeah. Bogged down with these superfluous fucking letters. Trying to drown ourselves in the Hudson River. Yeah. Like, Nicholas, that means you've got the N-I-C-H instead of the N-I-C-K. And the K is the hard sounding. Yeah. Yeah.

Go call Nicky. Nicky Hudson. Little Nicky. Not Nicholas Hudson. Little Nicky Hutto. Fucking Nicholas Hudson. All right, your confirmation. Oh, good one.

And the officials are just shaking their heads. They've never been offended. Yeah, in their lives. But I think they're disappointed with us and Nicholas Hudson. I think that, yes, they're disappointed in our abilities here, but they also can see that we've very much been hamstrung by this name. So, I mean, yes, they wanted to hear some good comedy off the back of this, but they're also like, well, you know,

there but for the grace of God go I, is what they're thinking. Yeah, they're thinking, this is not Tommy's fault. This is not Carl's fault. This is not even Nicholas's fault. This is Mr. and Mr. Hudson's fault. Mr. and Mr. Hudson? Mr. and Mr.

Yes. Why? Hey, it's 2018. Yeah, exactly. Why did you react like that? That's a little bit of clause there. Okay, don't clap me back on Twitter, please. For the love of God, everyone, I swear to God I'm woke.

I swear. I promise it. Mr. and Mr. H. Yeah. Cool. Well, you know, that's an interesting thing about him, I guess. Two dads. Two dads.

Old two dads. Nicky Two Dads Hudson. Yeah. That is interesting. Getting the winded up signal from the officials right now. So, yeah, no. And from me. We are running out of time.

Let's move on. Thanks, Nick. Thanks, Nick. Say hello to your dads for me. Now that's funny. Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Liz Gibson. There we go.

Could have gone with Elizabeth, went with Liz. Yeah, there you go. Liz Gibbo. Look and learn, Nicholas. Yeah. Liz Gibson. There we go. Could have gone with Elizabeth, went with Liz. Yeah, there you go. Liz Gibbo. Look and learn, Nicholas. Yeah. Liz Gibson. Cool name, Liz. I like it.

Bang. It's like Zed. Having a Zed there is just like having a K. The hard K, the hard Zed. Yep. It's a cool letter. Liz. Liz.

And then Gibson backing it up with a bit of Gibbo action. Yeah. Nice, strong surname. Nice traditional. Liz. Liz Gibson a bit of Gibbo action. Yeah. Nice, strong surname. Nice traditional. Liz. Liz Gibson. Son of Gib. Oh, that's what that means, isn't it?

Yes. Right. And who's Gib? Back in the day. Son of a Gibbon, maybe. Right. Because we're all descended from. Right.

Yeah. Okay. Nice. So Elizabeth, son of a Gibbon. Related from a monkey. Yep. Liz. Yep. Yeah. Okay. Nice. So Elizabeth, son of a gibbon. Related from a monkey. Yep. Liz. Yep.

Right. Okay. So some people have Ironmonger as a last name or Butcher. Yep. And she's got son of Gibson. Yeah. Son of gibbon. Yep.

Okay. That's probably not as cool. It's a bit of a lesson in evolution that we're getting right now. Yeah. Well, I hope we haven't offended any of our religious listeners out there by saying that that's a bit of a lesson in evolution that we're getting right now. Yeah. Well, I hope we haven't offended any of our religious listeners out there by saying that that's a fact. Dude, I wonder if we have any religious listeners. Do we?

Good question. Is there anyone who is a big fan of the big G up in the sky or the JC who still somehow merges their love of the big guy with their love of the two little guys down here. Maybe they love this so much, but then they have to go into the confessional every week. So listening to this is their main sin that they're confessing every week. 20 Hail Marys after they listen. Yeah.

Takes up a lot of time. So each episode isn't just the hour commitment of listening to it. Then it's about six additional hours on top of that. Yeah. But they're happy to do it because they love this so much. Yeah. This is all part of the Catholic guilt. This is like they do something bad and they've got to punish themselves.

So they listen to this. They've gone off and rooted their dog and gone, you know, we've got to pay for this. Yeah. And then they listen to this show. Look, I don't know that I'm comfortable with any dog rooters listening to this. Oh, really? Yeah.

You wouldn't like to hear from someone who's had sex with a dog? I wouldn't. I would find it quite objectionable. I would wonder, you know, I wouldn't want to know what sits in the middle of the Venn diagram between this show and rooting a dog that someone is able to enjoy both of those things. I'd like to think that they're mutually exclusive. Right.

Really? Yeah. Wow, you really think this podcast is something else, don't you? You think this is fucking hot shit. Oh, la-dee-da. I don't want any dog rooters listening to my show. I'll take what I can get. You can do whatever you want to listen to.

Let's start screening people at the front of live shows. Before they come in, they get asked to survey, have you ever fucked a dog, yes or no? We sniff their dick to see if there's any chum odour on it and then they can come in if not. Is that fair? Is that too – well, we don't do the door. So it's a little bit unfair to get the people who do the door to do that.

It's going to take ages. It's going to take ages to get people in. It's going to be like the bloody airport. It's the only way to be sure. One of the officials is rooting a dog right now in front of us, which given everything I've just said is a little bit. To be fair, it is the one from Maribor. So he didn't know there's anything wrong with it.

It's a bit off colour, I have to say. Yeah. I think that was maybe a reaction to the Tina Arena thing. Okay. It's still, yeah. He's not responsible for his own actions. Triggered. Yeah.

Not sure why he brought the dog along, but to a verification. Just in case. Anyway. All right. Thanks, Liz. Thanks, Liz. Thanks, Gibbo. Okay.

All right. How many is that? How many is that? That's four. Well, Liz. Thanks, Gibbo. Okay. All right. How many is that? How many is that? That's four. Well, we're done. I'm feeling. We're done. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

No, no, no. We're done. I said we're. Oh, the officials. The officials are saying this is not going to be official. Four is not enough, apparently. It's not an official number. It's not an official.

Four is not a real number. We just made it up. It's not an official number. It's not an official... Four's not a real number. We just made it up. It's enough of a sample. Okay, right. They need at least more than four to make sure that the software's working correctly. Okay, yeah, you need a good... Yeah, okay, yeah. I mean, that's fine with me.

I was going to request that we do another one anyway, just that horrible dog rooting stuff, just to get that out of my out of my palate, you know? Alright, no worries. Okay, we'll do one more. We'll satisfy them, we'll satisfy you. It does seem weird that just one more is enough of a sample, like four isn't enough of a sample, but five is, but you know, who am I to argue

with the government officials? Yeah, you're wrong. Alright, let's, let's, so sorry, so if we do one more, that'll satisfy you guys, and of course that'll cleanse your palate, Tommy. Here we go. Yeah, and not a moment too soon because I can see the gauge. The machine's almost out of piss. Yeah.

All right, let's hit the button one more time. It's almost like you forgot for a second that that's how we power the unplanned title alternator. Let's hit the button one more time. And, oh, okay, interesting. Thank you to patron subscriber Dogfucker Comedy. Well, okay, so you've got to – how do you send money back to a patron? I don't want this person's money.

Why? I don't want this person listening to the show. I don't want to be somehow profiteering of someone fucking a patron. I don't want this person's money. I don't want this person listening to the show. I don't want to be somehow profiteering of someone fucking a dog. Oh, right, that bit. Yeah, that bit. Hey, well, you don't know that they fuck a dog. Like, your name's Tommy. That doesn't mean

you go out in Tommy every day. I kind of do. That's just a name. I don't go out in Carl every day. You kind of do. Do I? Yeah.. I don't go out and Carl every day. You kind of do. Do I? Yeah. You do a lot of things every day, though.

I think to myself, that's very Carl. Oh, well, thank you. Wasn't a compliment. This could be a simple name. This could just be a kind of a classic clerical error. Yeah, because, I mean, as we talked about, you know, the surnames are the ones that, you know, people are named after what they did. Now, the first names, not so much about, you know, the surnames are the ones that people are named after what they did. Now, the first name's not so much so. This could be

just, they just like the name. They look in a baby naming book, they say dog fucker. A rose by any other name. Yeah. A dog fucker by any other name. It could be one of those modern Bogan spellings where someone's trying to name their kid Simon and they've changed so many letters that now it's dog fucker. Right, okay.

Well, look, I'm, and so there is no – there's no information. There's no photos or anything. Good question. I'll just – yeah. Sorry. I take it all back. He does fuck dogs. Right.

Is there a photo of him fucking a dog? There is quite a few. There's quite a few attached. I didn't know you could attach any photos to Patreon, let alone multiple. Yeah. To be honest, I haven't looked before. But now that I'm looking, there is a lot. Well, this is just extremely unfortunate.

There's a lot of pictures of him. Dog fucker, you're old enough now to know better than this. Yeah. Never subscribe to us again. Never in your life. It is weird. The officials have gone home. Yeah.

Yeah. They've quit. The Indian officials have gone home. Keith Comedy's gone home. He doesn't even work here anymore. Yeah. I don't – oh, God. I'd have to say it is one of the stranger names that we've had subscribe.

And one of the stranger things that they've – This is one of the weirdest half hours of my whole life, I have to say. Having these three people watching over us, all this dog fucker business. I mean, it's just – I mean, I certainly, look, I hope this back end of the show hasn't offended anyone too much. Yeah, me too. And, you know, I'm sorry if anyone is offended but, you know, this person's paid their money.

They paid their money so that they get their names read out and that's what we're doing. Well, I want, you can take, you can, you don't have to split this. Of course, it is random. You don't have to split this with me. You can take their share of the money completely. Right. And how much is that, by the way?

Let me check. $69. Happy to miss out on the 30, anyway, whatever half of 69 is. Happy to miss out on half of it because I do not want to benefit from, look, from whatever's gone on here. I have to insist you get half of it and I think you should get half these photos as well. I don't.

I have to. I think it's only fair. Okay, cut them in half. I'll have the human half where you can't see the dog on the end of his dick. So you want the naked man with his dick hanging out but you just don't want to see it going in. Yes. Right, okay.

And all I'm going to get is a happy dog. That's all the pictures I'm getting. Yes. Right. We both win. That's actually not too bad. Both of our main dog. That's all the pictures I'm getting. Yes. Right. We both win. That's actually not too bad. Both of our main interests. That's actually not too bad.

Yeah. Sharing is caring. I'm an only child. I've never had to share in my life. This is what it's like. I don't see what people are complaining about growing up. Well, thanks, everyone, except for the dog fuckers amongst you. I will say thank you to that one

thanks for uh thanks to everyone who subscribes to the show and uh yes uh chips in on patreon it's very much appreciated we hope you enjoy the bonus content uh little dumdum club.com for tickets to all the live shows that we have coming up come see us at uh our solo shows as well um yes next week we've got the second of our live episodes from Adelaide, which is also a lot of fun. But until then, take good care of yourselves and we'll see you next time. Drive safely on the way home from listening to this podcast. See you, mate.

All right, now let's do Talking Talking Dumb Dumb now. I fuck dogs.