The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 397 - Live! Luke McGregor, Nazeem Hussain & Des Bishop

Episode Date: May 16, 2018

Things get heated in another huge live episode as LUKE McGREGOR tells us about staying in a haunted hotel, NAZEEM HUSSAIN lists off possible baby names and DES BISHOP burns us to the ground! PLUS we hear about celebrity parties, sift through some audience feedback and in Talking Dum Dum, we revisit one particular scene from Almost Famous! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:KOH SAMUI: The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival is happening again in 2018 with guests The Dollop! JUNE 13 - 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week on The Little Dum Dum Club, another awesome live episode featuring awesome guests, Luke McGregor, Des Bishop and Nazeem Hussain. I think this is probably my favourite one of the month of live shows that we did. Nice one. Super fun. Yep, very funny. Yep. So, what are we going to let people know about?

There's not really much to say, is there? Very quickly, just a reminder to turn up to the gig. It is sold out in Sydney, the 400th episode live on Junetoon, so reminder to turn up to the gig it is sold out in sydney the 400th episode live on june 2nd so remember to turn up uh not very long to go until the kosimo international podcast festival um that's on june 13th through to 18 and the roadshow gig is on the 19th um but that's about all we need to warn you up top let's uh do you think other podcasts need to remind their listeners to turn up to show that they've booked tickets to? They should.

They should take a lead from us. Yes. But we've got more to talk about in the back end of the show in another edition of Talking Dumb Dumb after the opening act to Talking Dumb Dumb, which is the rest of the episode. Yes, here's the entree.

Luke McGregor, Des Bishop and Nazeem Hussain. Enjoy. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little D-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me is the other half of the program, a friend to all, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickheads. I'm doing a podcast. I am quite hungover. I went out last night and on my way home I stopped past KFC. Clang. Has anyone had that new, what is it, that triple cheese thing that they've got at the moment? This fucking god awful burger with like a mozzarella stick in it? Who's had one?

You've had one? Is it good? Get out. Get the fuck out. Took too long to answer and then I didn't like the answer that I got. But I went to get one on the way home. I was in line for fucking ages. It was packed in there. It's like 2am.

By the way, is this your solo show? Yeah. I'm holding court. I got to the end of the line and they had a sign on the counter saying, we are out of the triple cheeseburger. I see it and I go to the guy behind the counter. Is this true? And he goes yeah. And then I went fuck off and stormed out.

So I'm a little rough today. I've used all my energy to just get that story out and now I'm going to have to tap out for the rest of the podcast. I'm sorry. Here comes my solo show. You know what? Fuck. I just found this out. And look, I'm pretty sure we can do this. They've got a...

Anal? Cool. Yeah. So. Sorry, just got thinking about anal. Yeah, yeah. Just past conquest. It's great.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a new menu here because we do this... It sure sounds like it. There's a new menu here. We do these Melbourne live shows

at the European Beer Cafe and they've got a new menu. They're aware. Other people listen to this show, you fucking idiot. Oh, that's right. You know when you

take it home and edit it? That's for them. Right, right, right, right, right. Cool, cool, cool. That's what that big reel-to-reel machine is up the back of the stage. Oh, that's right. You know when you take it home and edit it? That's for them. Right, right, right, right, right. Cool, cool, cool. That's what that big reel-to-reel machine is up the back of the stage. Right, right, right. So we're at the European Beer Cafe. They've got a new menu and they have added a little item called...

Not duck sandwich. I completely forgot you would think that. Now, no matter what this is it's a disappointing story now Well, hopefully not So, you weren't doing that deliberately Like, that was muscle memory kicking in of like, as soon as you talk about a menu

you just automatically go into doing duck sandwich I tell most stories the way I tell my jokes So When I go to see my mum, I'm like I was at work the other day the way I tell my jokes. When I go to see my mum, I'm like, I was at work the other day. And I had a little friend of mine called Tommy Desolate. Wow, you talked to your mum about me?

Yeah. She's met you. Yeah. You're at the wedding. I was at the wedding. You've been to Maryborough. I've been to Maryborough. I've been to your mum's house. Yeah, I've taken the big step to introduce you back with the wedding. I was at the wedding. You've been to Maryborough. I've been to Maryborough. I've been to your mum's house. Yeah, I've taken the big step to introduce you back with the parents. Anyway, more importantly, back to the story.

They've just added chocolate mousse to the menu here, which is pretty, see, see? It's worth it. And it made me sad in a way, because now that mousse is surrounded by chocolate. And he's in no position to enjoy it. Hey! Ah, so that's what telling

a joke feels like. Thanks for weird Al Yankovic-ing my joke. Anyway, my point being, I haven't had it yet, so can someone in the crowd, can you go and get me one? And I'll have a, because we used to do a live taste test, people in the back are going, me.

This guy, way too keen to do this. This guy raced up to the stage. Did you even buy a ticket to get in? Anyone else? That guy seems like way too much of a speed dealer to take this moment. Why don't we just crowd surf you to the bar and you can order it yourself? Three o'clock's too early for crowd surfing again. But just early enough for chocolate mousse.

If someone can pass that on, can we pass that on and get me a mousse? Is that alright? Crowd surf the cash. I will be... Don't put it in your bra. I will be so disappointed if this money... Sold out. Sold out of chocolate mousse?

Yep. Fuck! The guy at the bar is giving us these ones like, stop talking about the fucking mousse, guys. I was just bigging you motherfuckers up.

Fuck. Can't you go and make some? Where are you getting the moose from? How do you run out of moose at three in the afternoon? How many people are coming in here for a lunchtime mousse on a Sunday afternoon? I think it was the big one o'clock UFC crowd. Loved their mousse. Conor McGregor and chocolate mousse.

That's what they love. Fuck. Alright. Oh no, I'll give it to him. Just because that looks like your mum, you can't have the money. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just because that looks like your mum, you can't have the money. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to you not to dazzle us. Apologise to my mum as well. Sorry, Mrs. Also. Good stuff. So, yeah. Oh, no, you know what? Speaking of the wedding, you were at the wedding. I don't know if I've brought up anything about this before.

Stop me if I have. But wedding presents. Someone said stop. How dare you? We got a present from, obviously, my wife's side of the wedding party. There wasn't too many on the other side, obviously. So, she got a present. It was a gift voucher for a very nice hotel in Melbourne.

And I was like, this is awesome. So we should, I said to her, let's go to this nice hotel for the night. And she's like, oh yeah, yeah, it's really nice. So she booked it in. We're taking credit for going, hey, I've got a crazy idea. Let's use this voucher that we got given. Thank you.

That's the same mind that came up with Duck Sandwich. So she picked the day. It was a couple of weeks ago and we're like, great. Went there. It's like this really expensive hotel. Really expensive. And we're sitting there and it's awesome.

And we're like, I'm so glad we're getting this for free. This is amazing. And then the next morning we go home and then she goes, if you could just sort me out for the rest of that money, that'd be great. And I'm like, what do you mean? And she goes, if you can just pay for half of the hotel, you know,

it's pretty expensive. And I'm like, yeah, but we got the gift voucher, I don't have to pay you anything for it. And she goes, oh no, that was a different hotel. Like, why the fuck did we go to that hotel for? When I said, let's go to the hotel, I meant the free hotel. She just thought, oh, yeah, pick a five-star hotel that was 500 bucks a night. I would rather have been charged 100 bucks to stay at home.

So now I'm like, what happened to the other hotel? She's like, oh Oh that's a shit hotel I don't want to go to that Just the divergent paths of our lives You're staying in multiple luxurious hotels And I'm storming out of a KFC at 2 in the morning Some real self-reflection after this episode I think Hey to be fair

I did miss out on chocolate mousse 10 minutes ago So it's not all wins on my side You got it hey Have you made some more yet? He's shaking his head. Alright. How long does it... Oh, I guess it takes

a while to set so we'll give you an hour? Is that... Cool, alright. The bartender nods as he does absolutely nothing. Cool. He's trapped in a little

impro game that he did not want to be a part of. Yeah, okay. I'll make you fucking moose. Great. Yeah, okay, I'll make you a fucking moose. Great. Yeah, no end, get fucked. So are you just never going to use this voucher now?

Well, I was thinking maybe... He can't win with you. Either there's no present or you get the present and it's to a hotel you don't want to go to. No, that's what she said. That's not what I said.

That's what she said. So I'm thinking I'm going to go there next week at the night of the drunk cast because I figure... I figure I need somewhere close to go because it's a hotel in the CBD. I need somewhere close to go to since last year I walked out of here with no shoes on and was forcibly put in a cab by someone I don't know.

I forgot about that. Yeah. I just feel like I shouldn't be getting into strange cars, even if they're yellow. Just, like, I love the idea of, like, this, like, someone's given you this wedding gift, this voucher to a nice hotel, and, like, you're just defiling it by turning up in the absolute worst state of your life,

passing out in there for about two hours before you check out. Well, what a wonderful gift. Yeah. Well, I'm figuring if I go home, I'm going to wake my wife up and she's going to get angry. So she's not even staying with you in the hotel? No. No. Well, what's with an overnight?

Are you guys okay? That will make us okay. If I go home the night of the drunk cast with no shoes on again, it's... Are you guys okay? That will make us okay. If I go home the night of the drunk cast with no shoes on again, it's... Maybe that's why you took them off, so you didn't wake her up. You're trying to sneak into the house and not make a noise. Well, now I've got... I'm trying not to wake her up. I'm trying not to wake Crunchy up as well. Ah, okay.

That's the same noise you made with the chocolate mousse before. It's kind of, you know what, it kind of was the perfect time for like a cat to come into the narrative of the podcast because it's like everything else is so brutal about this show but now we've just got this nice little reset button. You know what I mean? There is no cat. I just made it up for the story. Yeah.

Aw. Yeah. Do you want to see a picture of her? Are you talking to me or the crowd? I'm talking about my wife Still never met her, it's the weirdest thing Even at the wedding, you couldn't pin her down You'll see her when you bring a fucking present

Oh yeah, what did you get with my 20 bucks by the way? I'll tell you what, I didn't get to moose from the European beer cafe how we going buddy now he's not he just moved out of my sight line crunchy yeah yeah rest of you fuck off so I played into the into the microphone. Play what? It's a photo! What are you trying to do? hear the cat purring. What an exclusive for the podcast. It's a rebranding for the Chan Man. It's the softer, cuddlier side of Carl Chandler. You should start having the cat on stage with you.

That would be pretty cool. No. No, no. No, yeah, man, you know the way these people treat us. How are they going to fucking treat a cat? Oh, okay. No, they like the cat, yeah. I think they'll be softer on you if you've got the cat there as like a barrier.

People like thinking about heckling you, they'll be like, well, I don't want to say mean things to the cat. Right, not in front of his cat. Not in front of his cat. Not in front of his cat. We put a thing out during the week of a listener survey. We, you know, this podcast is clearly pretty perfect as it is, but, you know,

we're always looking for ways that we can improve. So we put some questions out and we put it to the listeners about things they'd like to see. So like an email you would get from a company after you've used like a hotel online service, how can we improve our business? That sort of thing. Yes, yes. From a hotel that you didn't stay in. One week time, I will give the feedback.

So, yeah, we had... One of the questions was, we've had Carl getting married, the podcast going to Thailand. What are some potential story arcs you'd like to see happen with the boys in the next few months? The boys are us. Boys are us.

Sounds like a cool store. Someone said crowdfund to send a small dum-dum club satellite into space What would entail there? Just with our with our podcast going out to Martians Yeah like Elon Musk

sending that car into space that was playing Bowie I want to have that I want to have like a podcast just being blasted around That wasn't bogan enough putting a car into space so I put our podcast in. Alright. Or is that just because

they want us in space and not on this planet anymore? Oh yeah now I'm reading between the lines it's like blast yourselves into space Fuck heads. Deprive you two cunts of oxygen in whatever way you can. A push to get Dill in ads for KFC. I tried when I worked for their advertising firm, but no dice.

Fuck, I'd love to know more about this. I reckon I could tell you what it is now. Hey, can we put this big fat cunt in an ad for KFC? Yeah, so, by the way, in response to potential story arcs, so many people, so many people answered, Tommy's cancer coming back. Like, like... reacts so many people so many people answered Tommy's cancer coming back like oh everyone in the room going off a lot of people did it most of you probably in this fucking room okay don't get me wrong always always up for a good laugh but let's remember it is a real real world thing that did happen to me, okay?

Fucking hell. You like that one, do you? No comment. People look more keen for that to happen than for my cat to be on the podcast. But also like people going, this is what will make my favourite comedy podcast a bit funnier. Me listening to a guy having cancer for a fucking year. No worries. This will make my favourite podcast better. It being

divided in two when one of them dies. Well that's what cancer is guys. Wake up. Fuck, I love it. Sorry for telling you Santa isn't real. I'm loving the idea that like, yeah yeah I'm in hospital but I'm still devoting an hour and a half

of my week to fucking going around to your house with your cat that I'm allergic to and reading out fucking Patreon names just withering away like oh up the bum no babies comedy ha ha ha yeah yeah nah let's do five this week no but you're so sick that we have to do it at hospital Yeah, no, let's do five this week.

No, but you're so sick that we have to do it at hospital and just every week our guests are just like those Starlight superheroes or whatever. Yeah, Captain Starlight comedy. Right, let's get... Oh, someone, by the way, with the story arc, someone just wrote Nick Capper. I reckon I can guess who that might have been who wrote that in. Shall we get our first guest out here? Yes, please.

Who was it going to be? I don't mind. I think, well, there's one person... Did we book anyone? I can't remember. We hadn't about six hours ago, so... I think the one we said at the end, because I think one other person isn't here yet. OK, ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Luke McGregor! Yeah! We like to really keep the guests on their toes and have them not know when they're coming out. Even as we're midway through introducing them. I was in the urinal, I was freaking out. You were getting pushed out of the way by Dilruch. Thank you, hi, thanks for having me. I'm also hungover and I lost my glasses.

Oh, who thought he was going to say virginity? My virginity. I could have, I can't say anything. How did you lose yours? My virginity. Are you trying to think of a story now because you haven't lost it? The family gathering. Does that mean, is that how it happened because your mum was close by to pay for it? How did that get worse?

How did you make a molestation joke worse? Inbreeding's fine as long as it's free. I think that was the point of that. How did you lose yours? Oh, I had sex with someone. Bring this man a chocolate mousse. Buddy, you've got to get us a chocolate mousse, you're killing us. We're having technical difficulties with the kitchen this week instead of the tech. Someone Uber eats a chocolate mousse in here. Oh yeah. You talked about the hotels mousse in here. Oh, yeah.

You talked about hotels before. You just reminded me I haven't talked about it on stage because I don't know what to do with it, but I was at a hotel Bring it in here, brother. Happy to get you off cuts, but keep going. The comedy op shop, the little dum-dum club. Here's a terrible story I never did on my own show. Shut up, everyone. We're about to hear a

B-side. Might leave it there actually. I was, as you know I'm a little bit of a germaphobe and I was at a hotel and there was there was blood blood on the on the bed. There was just blood there. And I, not mine, I hadn't been, I hadn't slept in the bed yet, there was blood and I rang downstairs going this is a huge deal and And they're like, oh. Yeah, sorry, that happens. I'm like, what? Because apparently, I don't know if they hadn't washed it

or it hadn't come out, but it was blood. Was it fresh blood or dried blood? Dried blood. It wasn't fresh, I don't think. Yeah, so they changed that sheet, but the other one stayed on. And I just slept outside. I slept on the balcony. I think it's ready to go, man.

Do it in the show tonight. That's good stuff. Yeah. Because I don't know what to... Because if you're staying in a hotel, it's hard to... I don't know what... Because you want to get something, whether the rooms are free, but if it's blood...

I don't know what to say. I'm just trying to... Anyway. If you come to the show, guys, that's my closet. No, but you're right. Because if you're paying a lot of money, you want conditions that are better than at your home. Like, you don't have blood on your bed at home.

No. I mean, apart from after you lost your virginity, obviously. Oh, my God. Do you mind if I use it in my show? My friend, oh sorry. No you go. My friend found a cat's paw once. It was just a cat's paw in a pillow. In a pillow? Oh my god. She was like what's that and it was a cat's paw. That's a really piss weak mafiaak mafia move, I think. Not the horse's head in the bed, the cat's paw in the pillow. Yeah, just whatever you could find, I guess.

Just like, what, cut off at the wrist of a cat. I always wondered if the mafia... You know how they always say in movies, find them no matter what the cost? I always wondered if there was a crime organisation that went broke. It's like you said, whatever the cost, and the guy... I don't know, the guy got a Lamborghini to do.

It's like, I'm sorry, boss, we're broke. But I did find him, but we are broke. So what your friend called up... How do you begin to have that conversation with reception? A cat's paw? Yeah. I don't know. I'd probably... I mean, I guess you just...

You'd open with it. You'd just go straight into it, I suppose. I agree. Let's dispense with the pleasantries and get straight to Brunt's tax. I reckon it would take quite a while to figure out that it's a cat's paw. Like, if it's a disembodied cat's paw, that's a weird thing to look at. Yeah, it's a... It is.

I never really thought about it, to be honest. It is a strange... It's a strange thing to look at. What type of cat? It was Carl's cat, it wasn't... I'm kidding, I'm joking. Sorry Carl, I'd never do that to your cat. I'd never do that to your cat. Don't worry, just because you said it, it didn't actually happen. So you're fine, you're off the hook. Don't get me wrong, I love killing cats, but I feel like if I did that to yours

it would negatively affect our friendship not going to risk it but you did bring me a present at the wedding, so you're fine oh yeah, that's right, cat's pool the old lucky cat's pool I stayed in a hotel recently and I got into the room and it like stank as if someone had

just done like the nastiest shit in there like minutes minutes before like it was unbelievable like i was in the room i was like i cannot i was with someone else i'm like we both were like we cannot stay here so then having that awful thing of having to go to the front desk and go pardon me but it smells like poo poo in that room that you just checked us into and he immediately was like okay and just gave us another room straight up it's like how many people have refused to stay in this room that is

haunted by this fucking demon shit from did this happen? Did someone just do a shit in there like eight years ago and it's just still like, it's just still haunted. No one's taken a shit in there for eight years. Oh god! Have you ever stayed in a haunted hotel?

I did once. That is a relatable question, but no. Tassie's got one in, I think it's Launceston's got a haunted hotel, and I swore I woke up. Sorry, it's marketed as being haunted. It's marketed as a haunted hotel. They don't spring it on you? Yeah, yeah.

But you of all people did it on purpose. No, I didn't want to. My parents made a statement. What? Yeah. What, just you? No, not just me. Were they trying to spook the OCD out of you?

It was whenever I was naughty, they'd send me to this hotel I had to stay there. You can eat your vegetables or you can go to the ghost hotel. No, not again. Smells like poo. Clean your room can go to the ghost hotel. No, not again. Smells like poo. Clean your room or get to the bait hotel. Yeah, anyway.

And the chair was rocking. I still don't know to this day if it was something the hotel does to scare people or whether it was a real... I don't know. I don't think it's a real ghost because I don't know... I don't believe in ghosts because I don't... I don't know what ghosts do in their downtime and it bugs me. You're right.

Yeah, I mean... Because if anything, like, you watch a haunted film and you see, like, there's blood on the window going, you're going to die. But what are they doing when you're not home? Yeah, yeah. It's just... It's a lot of waiting. Yeah, have you got to be haunting full time or can you kind of, like, tap in and out as you see fit? Yeah, what are ghost doing when you're not home? It's a lot of waiting. Yeah, have you got to be haunting full time

or can you kind of tap in and out as you see fit? What are ghost hobbies? Exactly. Because it would make more sense if your Xbox controllers were out and they'd been using them. That cat's poor thing sounds like a ghost's downtime. Just like, nothing specific, just like, chuck this over there and see what happens.

Just fucking around, having a bit of a laugh. What happened to the rest of the cat? Luke? Did your friend pass that information on? No, no. It was just that. And there was also a hairbrush with hair in it in the sink. Those are the two things.

Yeah, I would have led with the cat's paw, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. I'm surprised they noticed the hairbrush at all after the cat's paw thing. But yes, and that's the end of what I had to say. I'm sorry. Is this more stuff from your show? Yes, I'm so sorry.

Let's get our next guest out here. Folks, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Nazeem Hussain. Bold play from me introducing you when I had absolutely no evidence Bold Bold play from me Introducing you When I had absolutely No evidence that you Were actually in the room

I've been waving at you The whole time How's it going? Good man What are we talking about? What have we talked about? We talked about I've been here the whole time

What are you talking about? You were talking about Your virginity and stuff Yeah You lost it Or you got it I've lost it Yeah

Yeah thanks man. Just like while we've been doing this podcast. When did you, was it like a make a wish thing or was it

no, no, no, it's all right. It's all right. How would the Make a Wish Foundation respond if you called them up a dying kid?

I want to fuck. Yeah. How do they book that no like Kevin Spacey a call or something what so you think Kevin Spacey fucks kids with cancer well you think Tommy's not good good enough looking no that's not the issue in that that's kind of a good deed isn isn't it? Like if you're a pedophile... Nah, that's horrible. What? I don't know. Can we delete this part of the podcast?

No. Nazeem, stop stealing stuff from my show, mate. If you keep this up, you can go stay in the ghost hotel. Oh, you know, you were talking about the smell of shit in a hotel room. Yeah, I remember it well. I went to Stalactites, you know, just down the road. It's a Greek restaurant in Melbourne. Greek restaurant. It's open 24 hours and I went there with my friend at like 1 or 2am and just before

I was about to leave, I went to the bathroom and I opened the door and there was shit everywhere. Like shit on the walls, on the sink, on the roof. Just shit everywhere. Shout out to our sponsor, Stalactites, by the way. I wasn't loose either. Anyway, he has been here. My friend was like, why didn't you go to the toilet? I said, because there's shit Anyway, I... He has been here.

My friend was like, why didn't you go to the toilet? I said, because there's shit everywhere, we've got to go. So we went, and then I called up the restaurant, and I said, hi, guys, just thought I'd let you know that I just went to your toilet, and your toilet is full of shit. And they're like, what do you mean? I said, just go have a look. This sounds like some of the feedback we got about the podcast.

This is great. I love that you're not doing this on the way out. You're fleeing the scene and then placing a phone call. Imagine saying that face to face. Did you have the screen voice modulator on so they wouldn't be able to trace you? I didn't even block my numbers. So she went

to the toilet because I said, you're going to have to see it for yourself. So she went and she came back a few minutes later and she said, oh no, I understand. Was it you that did it? I said, no, of course not me that did it. I do not blame her for asking that. All of the evidence points to this being you. You got me.

This is my kink. The one mistake I made was taking a big shit and then ringing them and telling them. You know what's the thing though, with kind of like sort of OCD-ish type people, I don't mean to misrepresent your people but... No, that's fine.

You know my friend works at Deloitte, another non-sponsor of the show, Deloitte. I believe so. Yeah. Anyway, basically he works on this specialised floor where only people who have a pass get to go on that floor. So what is Deloitte? Deloitte's like a professional service firm, accounting, legal stuff, you know, she knows and no one else does because this is the dumb dumb audience but uh anyway anyway um way to win over a crowd anyway

so basically there was a there was a someone at that on that floor would go to the toilet because people go to the toilet and each day or week there'd be a shit on the seat there'd be a shit on the toilet paper thing shit in the sink just so we know for the rest of the episode, is this the last shit story you've got? Yes. I'm going to have to put a ban after this one. If you insist. Anyway, it culminated with shit on the wall and stuff. And apparently it's this thing where people,

when they're in highly strung, really professional, or full-on jobs, they lash out by doing this shit thing. But the thing is, they knew it had to be someone on that floor. So they set up cameras outside the toilet to figure out who did it. And then they found the guy and they had to have a meeting with him, like, with HR. But they didn't have conclusive evidence. But they were like, look, we're pretty sure it's you. Calling CSI Werribee.

So it's definitely a thing. So I'm sure, you know, if anyone here... My God god that meeting That's got to be The worst day Of your entire life Being sprung For doing a shit

Yeah but if you come out Of that meeting Without being sacked You're like fuck I am invincible I can do anything Now I'm going to start Cumming all over the walls

Really test these guys Sweet combo Nazeem so you're cool To be like We booked you for this And you're so you're cool to be... We booked you for this and you're here. Are you cool to be here? Because you... I've got my phone on, guys.

You've got your phone on because your wife's about to give birth at any second. Is that right? Well, yeah, any second or any hour or day. But we're due in a couple of days officially. But kids come early, don't they? They come, they come. But if it's anything like me,

it'll be like five minutes late. They'll send me a text. As your friend, how soon do I have to see the child after you've given birth to it? I'm going to Skype you in the birthing room. I never should have agreed to that. When do you want to come?

I'll actually invite you, unlike Carl with his wedding. I will bring your child again. Yeah, if it happens, can we all head down there together? Yeah, come on now. We should have a Dum Dum episode in the birthday. I should probably ask my wife. And the kid.

Names? Any names picked out? Yeah, I've got names. I'll tell you the names that we haven't decided against. Well, this is going to fucking take all day. We're not going to name it after my step-mum. Zahira. So if you want that, anyone wants Zahira, you can take that. I'm sure you guys...

And so why aren't you going to name it after her? Because it's my step-mum. It's my step-mum. It's her name. So I you want that, anyone wants Zahira, you can take that. I'm sure you guys... And so why aren't you going to name it? Because it's my step-mum. It's my step-mum. It's her name. So I want to name the kid... Are you serious? It's my step-mum's name. No, I am serious.

I'm just wondering why you're telling us this. I'm not allowed to tell you the names. I'm not allowed to tell you like that. You're just going to name every name that's not the name. Yeah, he's just slowly going through all the names he's not using and why he's not using them. Or Tommy. Or Luke. Three, four. Or Zhao. What's Zhao? that's not yeah he's just slowly going through all the names he's not using it so Tommy that's Luke three four or Xiao you know what Xiao Xiao X I a oh it's a

Chinese person and why aren't you gonna be pretty weak I mean maybe oh it's still in the running an exclusive yeah legal is it illegal a certain names illegal like you can yes I'm going to kill you cunt is an illegal name You cannot call a baby that It's illegal I'm going to kill you cunt Hussein It's got a hell of a ring to it Yeah, I don't think I can let you on the plane

I'm sorry about this It's mainly for the Hussein bit to be fair. Another random knife check, fucking great. Anyway. So back to all the names that are being ruled out by Nazeem. Yeah, we've got six that are off the table. There's not one. I mean, what's your name? Probably not going to call it that.

Do you know the sex of the baby? Don't know. I mean, don't know what we're having. Hopefully a Muslim, but you know. You never know, you never know. You could come out holding a VB and you know a lot of what it is. So no hints? You've actually got one picked out or not?

We've got a couple picked out. I've gotten advice from people. Some of my non-Muslim friends, don't give us something too Muslim-y. Imagine if I said that to a white person. Don't name your kid something too white, like freaking Tommy or Sausage or something. Or Margarine, you know?

Tommy or Sausage or Mar or something. Or margarine, you know? But anyway. Tommy or sausage or margarine. The whitest things that exist. Another like slathering a sausage up in some margarine and going, fuck, I'm white. This is so good. Love it, dude. Did you just get a mind picture of the time you saw Dasso at a Bunnings? That is the whitest man who's ever existed.

Listen to John Mayo. Woo! Loving it. John Mayo. Yeah. John Mayo. Get out. Nice. Let's get our third guest out here. Folks, please welcome into Little Dum Dum Club for the first time Des Bishop. The second time. Oh yeah.

Thank you. Save the one guy they don't know who the fuck he is for last. All right. Who the fuck is this guy? If you didn't hear that, by the way, Des, Tommy just said for the first time, Des Bishop, you've been on this show before. That's correct.

I've been on the show before, right in the early days. Yeah. And you can't remember it because you blocked it out because it was shit. And look what you've done in the meantime. What is wrong with you fucking people? Have you been to any of these fucking solo shows? No. Nobody goes to those fucking shows.

And then this fucking thing is packed out to the rafters. I did his stupid fucking heckling show last year. It was tragic. And then I said to Luke, I said to Luke, I was like what? This is fucking amazing. Why do these guys pretend that they're comedians? They are presenters.

They are incredible broadcasters. Really great broadcasters. And don't even think, what makes me laugh is, these people will be like, that's not fair. You don't go to your fucking solo show. You don't fucking go. You got a fucking season pass and a fucking dumb, dumb Thailand trip and no fucking solo shows. You got a fucking blowjob of a ladyboy in your spare time and you won't go but no fucking solo shows. You've got a fucking

blowjob of a ladyboy in your spare time and you won't go to their fucking solo shows. Fuck, why haven't we had this guy on again sooner? Thanks for doing

that show by the way, that was great. Yeah, that was great. Ripping on him, it's terrible. No, you know,

it's tough because you've got to do his, I don't know if anyone went to the heckling show last year, but you've got to go out and fucking heckle this guy so you have to pretend

to be a horrible person. That's difficult. I mean, it's easy, but these guys, they're fucking horrible people. It's like a natural thing. You know, Des is actually a good guy, by the way. Oh, thanks, man. By the way, Des, this isn't a heckle show. He's trying to...

Nazeem comes out and starts the show by fucking praising pedophilia. I was like, dude, you're Muslim. You need to fucking get them on side. We don't praising pedophilia. I was like, dude, you're Muslim. You need to fucking get them on side. We don't do pedophilia. We just do fucking terrorism, right? We stay away from the kids. That was you guys, right? You're going to wait until you're 13, 14.

But anyway. I'll hold off on any human shield jokes. Can I defend this guy? Like this guy is such a freak. Fuck, what a guy when you need to defend him after two minutes on stage. He's a loyal friend. No, he's such a loyal friend. I've told this story.

But basically, one of the first times I ever hung out with this guy was in Sydney. And we were at some pub. And, you know, I was... At the festival club of the Sydney Comedy Festival. And some guy started making fun of me. And I was trying to give back. I couldn't really, you know, I'm not very quick on my feet like that. It was the bartender.

The bartender was giving him a hard time. He can't remember what he was doing. Yeah, anyway, then Des turns to the guy. The story, by the way, you've told it twice now. You've told it twice now, so I just want to amend it for the future. He was like in the heckle show, by the way. Since this is our spiel, you know, because this is the second time he brought up. In the future, can you say that the guy was saying some Islamophobic shit?

Yeah, he was saying some Islamophobic shit. And then I came in, I was like, was like excuse me sir but i am right on so i got a really some racist stuff and and comedians are a wimps most of the time you know what i mean like i've never seen you've never stood up for me have you tommy in public anyway someone was teasing you about chemo, I'd get up there. You be the someone teasing me. You'd leave that fucking low-life blood count friend alone. Anyway. You had cancer. A-plastic anemia.

I know, we've had cancer. We're cancer survivors. That's right. You had cancer? You're my fucking best friend now, you don't know I had fucking cancer? Holy shit. He's like, this guy's a great guy, but I know nothing about him. Yeah, I'm a cancer survivor, man.

Oh, fair enough. Oh, fair enough. I lost my fucking ball to that shit, man. Did you have a testicle? Testicular cancer, man. Yeah, we'll talk about it after. Anyway, so as he was standing there with his one ball. With his one ball.

Defending myself like he had two, you know? So then this guy was just trying to give... Like he had balls. He's got some balls. And Des looks at this bartender in the face and he goes, listen, man, I'm not like other comedians. I'll fucking kill you! Hussein.

That's my voice. So to this day And so what I don't know if that's showing that I'm like a good guy or I have a fucking anger management issue but anyway

I'll fuck that motherfucker up You're like he was pretty aggressive at the start but I'll temper it with this story about how he tried to kill a man

But it says so much about how dog shit most comedians are that just someone doing the base level of decent human behaviour and sticking up for their friend. What a great guy. So did the bartender just back down immediately?

We need to work on that part of the story. We need to figure out a good closure to that. Are you guys confessing to a murder on our podcast? I'll blame it on him. You can blame Allah. What a great guy. What a team we are. I'll say he threatens to touch my newborn kid or something.

I don't know. Please move on from this. It's good. I remember I was there as well and I serving drinks yeah

I did a I'm sorry good man I you know Rhys Nicholson stood up for me once in Edinburgh

I was flyering fuck how badly you doing my man? You're a fucking cut dude. I was flying handing out flyers. You're gonna learn to stick up for yourself buddy. We want him to stand up for me. I was handing out flyers and these fucking Australians come up and they go Oh look Nazeem's flying. By the way we're Australians so...

No but they recognise him. Excuse me this is my friend. I will fucking kill you. I will fucking kill you. I will fucking kill you. You're in your own chando. But Australians over there, they like to tease you on the street. And they started teasing me. They said, you hand out flows for your own show. And I was like, so what? Everyone does.

And then Rhys just comes in and goes, hey, you leave him alone, alright? I was like, Rhys, it's kindys just comes in and goes hey you leave him alone alright I was like Rhys it's kind of embarrassing Rhys Nicholson impression I had a guy

his bow tie got a little crooked I mean it was fucking intense I had a guy at a gig once and I was in the I was in the

bathroom washing my hands and this guy behind me goes you you fucking wranger

and I and I'm like and I'm like this guy and I turned around and it was this guy behind me goes, you fucking wranger. And I'm like, and I'm like, this guy. And I turned around and it was this tall redhead guy with his hand up for a high five. Which you high fived and then immediately

washed your hands again. Edinburgh's intense, Edinburgh. I got threatened in Edinburgh like inside I was in the I was in the bathroom I should still go to the toilet yeah just get a

colostomy bag hooked up and I was and I was trying to put shit all over the wall and then yeah and it's these two guys one of them

ran me up against the door and I'm like I just and he goes he goes you right mate I don't know what to say I'm like and I just, and he goes, he goes, you right, you right, mate? And I didn't know what to say.

I'm like, uh, uh. And then I just said, I said, sorry. And he goes, where are you from? And I go, because he's Scottish. While you were rammed up against a wall. Yeah, yeah. He had me up against like this. He was a Scottish guy.

And I, and I, he goes, he goes, you right, mate? And I'm like, um, sorry. And he goes, where are you from? I go, Australia. And he goes, oh, sorry. And he let me go. He probably thought you were, like, Protestant. Was that sorry?

He probably thought you were Protestant. Is that a... Yeah, it's like they're very sectarian. Oh, I thought my last name was McGregor. I'm like, this guy should really like me. I don't get it. But, yeah, anyway, I got away scot-free. Literally scot-free. Scott Free. Literally Scott Free.

You actually do martial arts. Aren't you like a black belt in something? No, I did it when I was a kid because mum and dad thought I'd get teased a lot and they were spot on. So I was learning taekwondo and a whole bunch when I was younger and then I... I got to brown belt

in re-taekwondo, but I don't I got to brown belt brown belt in re-taekwondo but I don't I don't remember any of it re-taekwondo re-taekwondo what does that mean

is that what you said I heard retail oh it's a it's a well step outside and I'll show you

no but I don't I don't remember any of it yeah what did you what did you what was what was the level you got to in terms of, like, could you stick up for yourself?

Could you, like, fight someone? That ancient art of sticking up for yourself. What do you literally get at the end of it? I used to be able to kick above my head and stuff. Oh. And so at high school and stuff, if I was getting teased, I'd, like, kick above my head to show people.

Just because I thought people would like me if I was able to do that and then and then uh sounds like you studied calisthenics yeah yeah it might have been um I had my weapon the little ribbon and it's my ability to be able to kick above my head went down I started to try and get funnier so they still beat you up but they picked you on the high jump team so it's sort of okay? Yeah, it was a sad time. Can you remember any of it? I don't remember. Beat the shit out of me right now.

Okay. If we attacked you would the reflexes kick in? I don't think so. I'd probably... Let's test it out. I'd... Flashbacks!

I'd... Flashbacks! No, I don't remember. I don't remember mine. I remember you used to have to punch like this. And I never got it because I'm like, why was this hand down by my... It wasn't in my pockets. I don't understand what it's doing.

Anyway, that's its point. No one's going to be able to see that when they listen to this. It doesn't matter. Re-taekwondo. It doesn't sound real. It sounds like you need to redo it. Well, man, that's because it's a secret. And I'm actually a master at it. An ancient Tasmanian

martial art. It's how Tassie Devils attack you. Thank you for coming here, Des, because the last time I booked you, I booked you for a gig that I run, and you tried to pull out of it because you were invited to an exclusive party. I was invited to Joel Creasy's launch party.

Oh, me? Like me? Yeah, and I dressed up. I mean, I'm not gay, but I really dressed quite gay because I love when gay men love me. So it's just like you walk in, and they're all like, ooh, and I'm like, you can't have it,

but I'm enjoying it. You can't have it, but I like you walk in and they're like, ooh, and I'm like, you can't have it, but I'm enjoying it. You can't have it, but I like you sniffing. It's an insecurity, but it feels good. Must be nice to get the invite. Is that what this is about? Yeah, he wasn't invited, man. I know how it feels to not be invited, Carl. The industry's turning against you, bro.

Yeah, but Joel Creasy has this exclusive party that I hear about every year. And I never get an invite. I thought you were friends with the guy. Because that's what I thought. That's what I thought. And I also do some fucking... Anyway. Sorry.

There's got to be a limit. I also do, like do work for it. But it's like a glamour party, you know what I mean? Yeah, but nobody brings their servants to the party. You stay in the servant quarters, Carl. Know your place, Carl. Know your fucking place, dude. Hey, this is Carl Chandler.

You're a straight man. It's not your time, motherfucker. All right. They're all like Danny Minogue. Yeah, famous fucking people. Oh's not your time, motherfucker. All right. They've got Danny Minogue. Yeah, famous fucking people. Oh, this is Carl Chandler. He's one half of the little dumbed up. You're not going to make the gossip pages.

Des tried to pull out on my gig because I was like, can you come and do the gig? He's like, no, I've got this party. I'm like, really? Can you pull out? So when you say pull out, you mean not do it. Yeah. I didn't fucking book it.

I just said I'm not going to be able to do it. I like the way he's turned it into like I fucking didn't commit. He asked me like four hours before, by the way. That's not the worst bit of the story. And you said, no, I can't do it because I've got to go to this party because I really want to fuck Danny Minogue. Whoa, excuse me. Strike that from the record.

I mean, that is 100% true However However I don't know if I I think I It was the fourth or fifth sentence Sorry It wasn't the immediate reason I didn't want to do a gig

Yes Right But it is absolutely true But I would never have said it On the fucking Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast But since I know Danny is a huge fan,

I'm sure she's listening to this now saying, oh, I'd like to meet that aggressive New York comedian. Yeah, I'd like to see his ball. His one remaining ball. That's right. I mean, it's not actually a problem. People always say that. You know, they're always like, oh, is that a problem for girls? It's like, they never fucking notice. Like, it's never a deal breaker. Are you just defending yourself? Has anyone actually? No, no, dude, there's not actually a problem. People always say that, you know. They're always like, oh, is that a problem for girls? It's like, they never fucking notice.

Like, it's never a deal breaker. Are you just defending yourself? Has anyone actually... No, no, dude, there's been plenty of fucking market research done in this department. Are you fucking defending... He had to wait until he got married to get laid. Don't fucking challenge me. I'm my fucking pussy.

It was like, I do, I do. Finally, fucking no more hand jobs. Oh, God. God is great. God is... Stop teasing my friend. I'll fucking slit your throat. I'll slit your throat.

I fucking slit your throat! If you slit my throat, make sure you bring a carton to save the blood when you need a transfusion. Save that shit. Anyway, it's never a thing. It's not like a deal breaker. Girls aren't really into balls. It's never like, well I wasn't into it but then when I saw his balls, oh my god. That wrinkled turkey's gizzard sack of love. I couldn't wait to get into that. Are you gonna, so what can we do to get you invited to next year's VIP Jokery?

You just gotta up the fashion. It's funny too, at Jokery's party they just listen to the Dum Dum Club. How did you go to the party when you dressed up? In the end I didn't go. Oh.

Yeah because you know it's like it's nothing to me. Right. You know. I don't care but you know I know you care

but like for me it was like whatever I'm just not going. You know Danny Minogue wasn't there truth be told. Oh really?

Yeah I got a report she wasn't there. Oh right. So I didn't go. I'm sorry. But I believe it was good. You know.

I don't have any funny stories about it because I wasn't there. Nazeem, you were there? I got invited. I didn't go because I'm waiting for the kid. So I'm not even accepting to come here. It must be nice to get the invite and not even bother going. I don't think I got invited. I don't think.

I think most people were invited, actually, to be honest. I think part of the entire industry. I got invited. Oh, yeah? Yeah. No, you didn't. Fuck. That's all it takes to break.

I really thought that would work. One follow up question. You're like I'm on a ride. Imagine what happened there. Just have your own, just have a counter VIP party. No I don't want my party. I want Joel Creasy's party. Did you invite Joel Creasy's party. The party is like a VIP party. Did you invite Joel to Thailand?

No. See, there you go. Exactly. There you go. And he didn't come to my wedding, so yeah. You're a star from scratch, you know. Did you invite him to your wedding? No.

When you say, I'm sorry to say. He didn't come to my wedding. It's starting to make sense. Well, is there something you want to say to him on this podcast, to him? Like, just say it now. Direct it to Joel. Oh, do a plug. Try and get...

Why would it be good if you were... From the heart. From the heart. You've got a heart, right? Again, a big listener, so... We'll send him the time code for what part of the episode. If I... If Joel...

Dear Joel. Start with dear Joel. Dear Joel. Dearest Joel. Dear boss. Start with dear Joel. Dear Joel. Dearest Joel. Dear boss. That's overdoing it. When you get this, I may already be dead. If you can invite me to your party next year in the Comedy Festival,

I promise to be the life of the party. I will dress up as Des Bishop. I will try and fuck any B-grade celebrity you have there. I will make your party. Please get back to me. Yours sincerely, your employee, Carl. That's beautiful, man. He'll probably take it to HR.

Have you got any more? You were reading out feedback. No, ways to make our podcast better. you got any more? You were reading out feedback. No, ways to make our podcast better. Is there any other? Yeah, we had more. Fucking come on. Okay. We had one which was

someone saying, yeah, a lot of our guests end up on TV, not so much us. What TV shows should the two of us aim to get on? You got on Tonightly.

Thank you. That's sort of TV. Is that Tom Ballo? Is that Tom Ballo's thing? Yeah. It's more CCTV, but yeah. Yeah, they read my name out on my birthday. You should totally hit up Celia and Luke

to get a cameo on Rosehaven. You two could be a comedy double act on Rosehaven's Got Talent, a fundraising event put on by the town to raise funds to rebuild the statue of the founder of Rosehaven, Colonel two could be a comedy double act on Rosehaven's Got Talent, a fundraising event put on by the town to raise funds to rebuild the statue of the founder of Rosehaven, Colonel Damien Hegarty. Oh.

No one wrote that in. You just wrote that yourself, didn't you? Luke, any thoughts? I've got to run. I've got to get out of here. Yeah, that's episode five. I don't know how you got the script leaked. Oh, darn. All right. But don't know how you got the script leaked. Oh, done.

All right. But we've got actors who play you guys. It's not actually you guys. Cool, cool. Who have you cast? What do they look like? It's a five-year-old boy. It's Joel Creasy and Danny Minogue.

Which one am I? What's that, sorry? Which one am I? Which one do you want? Danny so Des will fuck me Done Done Great

That would be a great episode But what would it take for you To get these guys Legitimately on the show? Oh man I guess Let's take it to a real place How about we just get on

Your TV show? I guess so Finished You're not ethnic enough Motherfucker If you stay in the sun long enough you might get a call um hey i'm going to thailand in june except for tommy though you might get like it was a skincare it wasn't skin what was that sorry i don't want to i don't want to check in your fucking instagram i was saying you know if you stay in the sun too long you might get moles again. What was it?

What type of cancer was it? It was aplastic anaemia, dude. Nothing to do with the sun. I had no idea. I didn't know what your cancer was either. You're being racist against diseases. Unbelievable, man. I hate myself.

I'm sorry about this. You've got a baby coming into the world. You've got to be a- It's a lot of pressure on the Dumb Dumb Club. It's a lot of pressure. I do nice comedy. You do nice comedy. Yeah, I know.

It doesn't, but you know. I do nice comedy. You do nice comedy. It doesn't, but you know. I do nice comedy, but in an aggressive way. I'm aggressively nice. You've got a baby coming into the world. You've got to set an attitude. I'm going to get all out though now, you know. Oh, okay.

All the jokes now. What else do you want to get out? I've done the pedophile stuff. That's it. That's it. Nothing else. That's it. You're all out.

You're a good person now Now I'm a good person Right Many many people suggest Shut the fuck up Sorry now it's out I'm done A lot of people suggesting

That TV shows we could go on Embarrassing Bodies That's hurtful I'd like to see you guys Unlocked up abroad After your next fucking podcast The background of Sunrise That's something we genuinely Should go and do I'd like to see you guys on Locked Up Abroad after your next fucking podcast in Thailand. The background of Sunrise.

That's something we genuinely should go and do. Did that happen? That was the whole... I saw that on a clip, the broadcast. There was a protest? There was a protest and they were broadcasting and there was a protest outside? Yeah. There was a curtain.

They just basically close it. So they've defeated that. People think, oh, he'll just hijack the whole show with a protest. They just close a curtain. They've got this... They just basically close it. So they've defeated that. People think, oh, he'll just hijack the whole show with a protest. They just close the curtain. Yeah, but no one's going to be... We're not part of a protest. We can just be two idiots

that are sitting there with fucking T-shirts on and go, hey, Kashi. We can do that next time we go to Sydney, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Reminders. Yeah. That's the closest we'll get to being booked on it.

I like this one. Someone going, Dave Hughes' show. Brackets, don't know what it's called. Huge fan. What is it? Hughesy, we have a problem? Guest hosting rage. Oh, yeah. That would be fucking sick. Aunty Donna just did it.

I mean, I was about to say, why can't we? I can see why. Do you have a dream show you'd want to be on? Is there something you'd want to do? Rosehaven. Okay. If I don't end up in a role on Rosehaven before the series ends, I will kill myself.

So do with that information what you will. Get my laptop out. Yeah, cancer comes to Rosehaven. Yeah. I held myself back, but you... Yeah, I was doing it for your kid. Cancer comes to Rosehaven. You haven't had a cancer episode yet?

No, we... No. Oh. Seals, I've got a great idea. That's real season four stuff when you're running out of steam. I've been wanting to, like, put in... I don't know, because has there ever been a show that started off as, like, a... I don't know, just this,

and then all of a sudden Aliens came in, like, the third season? So it's a normal show. It's about a couple of mates hanging out in a small town, and then Aliens invade, but not until the third season. So, like, country practice, and then one of them's a vampire. That's actually great. So instead of trying to spice it up

by putting in like a baby or whatever. I know Dust Till Dawn did it in the movie but has there ever been a show that survived a transition that or has been allowed to do it? That extreme? Yeah. Well what happened like Roseanne

like they won the lottery and they went crazy. But that's not quite aliens. Well, Roseanne, the fucking husband died and now he's alive. In the new one. Mine was pretty dramatic. Well, House of Cards was just a normal political driver, then Kevin Spacey became a pedophile. Remember?

Think of your baby. Now it's out. How many now it's out can you have? I don't know, we'll see. How old are you going to, at what age are you going to show your kid House of Cards for the first time? Uh... I don't know, I think once it's like after 15? Because they're not a target.

Just have it playing on a screen as it comes out. Along with Luke on Skype, obviously. Yeah, Luke on Skype. It's a busy room. I mean, that's a big decision. What is the first TV show you show a person? Ghostbusters. You show them Ghostbusters. As soon as they come out, you go, here's Ghostbusters.

While the baby's being slimed itself. Yeah. That man has no dick. I don't think there's any fathers on this stage. That is one thing that is clear. Any update? oh me you I'm not expecting a baby

the baby's two now no update just yet all good they were dying for that they were dying for fucking Nazeem to have to run on the podcast to be honest my dream was that you get the call five minutes in

and then we just Skype you for the rest of the time. As you go to the hospital, we hear things break. That'd be sick. Yeah, I mean, if you want, we could pretend. Oh, shit! Oh, my God! That's not how I should respond, though. Oh, shit, my life's over.

Fuck! Oh, shit, little Tommy's on his way. No, that's one of the six names he can't call it. Oh, right, sorry. We've been through this. I wasn't listening to the first part of the... What about Des? Would you call it Des?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, man, you don't have to call your kid Des. It's a very white name. Call it Desmond Tutu. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Desmond Tutu. You're named after a black guy that did a lot of good stuff.

Yeah, that's what my parents were big into, anti-apartheid stuff, and they named me. My mother got my name from a book of Irish names. Really? I was Luke Skywalker. Were you really? Yeah. Really? They're watching Star Wars and they go, oh, we'll call him Luke.

Fuck, you were that close to being called Jabba. Yeah. It's a middle name. Lucky it was Empire Strikes Back. They were trying to think of names that didn't rhyme with anything, but Luke rhymes with puke, so I got Luke Puke. Was it because you're Tasmanian and it was a character

that kissed his sister in the movie? No. I've forgotten I know Taekwondo. That was just like the, oh, shit. I'm trying to add to the effects here. Fucking mom's spaghetti. Are you guys trying for a baby, Carl?

Me and Tommy. No, I mean, do you have any future goals in your marriage? That was the most... He's a counsellor all of a sudden. I'm just trying to deflect a little, you know? Yeah, yeah, sure. I mean, if you've got any tips, how do you do it? No, I'm asking... I've asked a question. I've asked a question, Carl.

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm asking for advice now. My tip would be to try to have a kid. Unprotected sex? Do you still have unprotected sex? Are you guys planning on having a child? What did he say? I said I don't know where she's been. He went back in.

I thought it would be funny and it turns out it wasn't. That's horrific. I can tell you if you want. How dare you speak about my wife, Danny, like that. Tommy didn't even stand up and threaten to kill you. No, I was into it I got distracted by the beatboxing

Buddy how we going with that moose? We need it out here dude Did I ever tell you at a restaurant My dad Had a Ordered a steak And it was too well cooked I can't wait to see how this segues into what we were talking about

This story about unprotected sex Reminds me of a steak my dad ate once It was too well cooked. I can't wait to see how this segues into what we were talking about. This story about unprotected sex reminds me of a steak my dad ate once. He ate it without the condom. You know when it's red in the middle? I'm the bear guy. My dad... That's not bear, Tony. That's not bear. My dad shoved the steak in his mouth or as he called it, bareback. Bareback Steakhouse.

Steakhouse. The official restaurant of dick world. Lucky it wasn't the outback steakhouse. Trying to make an anal job. Is that a test for an anal job? I'm going to get fucking homophobic. Nah, it doesn't make any sense. Trying to make an anal joke or something? Is that a tip? That an anal joke? I get fucking homophobic. I mean, heterosexual people engage in anal sex.

Yeah, they certainly do. They certainly do. Have you ever had anal sex, Nazeem? Huh? Because you're so new in the game. Answer the question, bro! You! Answer the question, bro!

You! Answer the question! Ella is listening. Hey, where's that moose? That kind of links to the anal circuit. Anyway, let's stop having fun. Speaking of chocolate moose, have you ever had anal? Stop having fun, let's listen to Steak's dad's steak story.

Come on, steak, tell us a story. Come on, steaky. No, that was it, just just that ordered a steak it didn't need anything else it triggered a hell of a lot of things yeah exactly it was a good trigger podcast is that from your show i can't i can't destroy now it's boring it's like what happened what happened because the initial start of the story was way better than the actual story so i can't i can't go okay that's good man believe in yourself we're behind you when tommy ordered the moose it was dad ordered a steak once we're right back where we started let's do it and he was too it was too um it was well done

he wanted it rare so he took he sent it back and then uh and they said sure and as he was walking past the kitchen to go to the toilet um the chefs had his steak on the ground and they were kicking it around. The one they were going to serve him. What? They had a raw steak on the ground and they were kicking it around. Well, they're punishing it for not being cooked properly. I know. Fucking stupid piece of shit. Yeah, like they were angry with him for sending it back. So they were ruining this. So the

waiter said, he complained to the waiter and said, just letting you know, the chef's kicking my steak along the floor. And he goes, I'm so sorry, sir, we'll get you another steak. And at that point, he left. It was... Yeah. That was a good story, steak. It was unfortunate in every way, that story. Unfortunate for your dad, unfortunate for us.

That was weird the way they kicked around that Luke Stake. I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry for all that. Just let you down. Well, you hope to end on a big finale, but, you know, it's a funny old life. Ladies and gentlemen, that is all the time we have for the Dumb Dumb Club this week.

Big round of applause Tez Bishop Thank you Lucille Hussain Luke McGregor Thank you very much for listening And we'll see you next time See you next

See you next time Alright folks You've had your hors d'oeuvres Now it's time to All right, folks. You've had your hors d'oeuvres. Now it's time to tuck into the main course on another episode of Talking Dumb Dumb. I'm Tommy Dasolo. And? And with me is my second banana. Oh, fuck.

We didn't rehearse this. What was the line again? Carl Chandler. Oh, g'day. Hi. You all right? Oh, nice. So you have a different sign-on for Talking Dumb Dumb. Yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah, it good day. Hi. You're right. Nice. So you have a different sign on for a talking dumbed up.

Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's confusing. Sorry. What do you feel about me just taking the reins and making you my sidekick for this?

Uh, I was happening. Sorry. I wasn't listening. Um, sure. Okay. I'll be,

I'll be in the sidecar. So your people can't, the listeners can't see this, but you're, uh, you're behind the keyboard. You've got a full eight piece band behind you. You've got your sunnies on and we're indoors.

That's crazy. Yeah. You've shaved your head. Don't know why. Yeah, Tommy. Yeah. Now, here's the top ten things that are great about doing a podcast. Fuck, can we just make it two or so?

I think that's going to take us too long. Yeah. Hey, great episode. That was fun. Great fun. Yep. How was the sound quality on that one? Was it okay?

I think they're okay now Okay, good Good I'm glad we got that sorted Somehow I owe a huge apology to Des Bishop I forgot he'd been on the show before When I started introducing him

Yeah Very funny It was so long ago though It was We were all different people back then First year or two of doing this show, maybe Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think we've both changed since then.

I think we were more boring, so was he. Yeah. It wasn't a particularly memorable episode, I don't think. Yeah, yeah. But yes, great fun. And this one, like I said at the top, I think that was, yeah, my favourite of the four that we did. Great.

So, yeah, that's basically me saying saying next week, bit of a step down. All right. Yeah, sign off this week. Don't bother listening anymore. That was it. That's as good as we can get. Yeah, lots of fun. Now, what have we got to catch up on?

Sydney. Like I said at the top, Sydney. Look, it's sold out. Please don't hit us up about any more tickets Because we don't control The laws of physics We can't fit any more people in It is full We warned you

If you want to If you can't go And you've got tickets You know Jump on our socials Get in there If you want to jump in The people aware

Of the Little Dumb Mum Club Facebook group You can get on there A lot of people Tend to trade things in there Or whatever It tends to become a bit of an unofficial

trading post in the lead up to a live show not so much favourite moments of the show just people trying to offload their shit

yeah which is fine you've got a fridge to sell feel free to get offload it don't say that they'll fucking

do it now don't do that so yeah get in there there are people that are still desperate for tickets so you know if you've got spare ones, you know,

holler out and people are definitely after them. So, yeah, jump in there. Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, not very long to go now. We are literally sorting it. Just before we started recording, we were sorting bits of our accommodation in Copenhagen for the Copenhagen Roadshow. So, yeah, everything is – oh, fuck.

There's so much. There's actually a fair bit to organise that we've got to get onto now, Tommy. Yes. There's a lot to – there's really a lot to organise. I'll tell you what. We're earning this holiday. Yeah. It's been a lot of stress behind the scenes so far.

Yeah, yeah. My wife was like, oh, let's – you know, you can come back straight away after it all finishes. I'm like, no, I think I need another holiday after this work holiday. I think it's going to be – Mrs. Everywhere really cracking the whip. Exactly. That's the only way we can refer to her because you don't want her named.

Yeah, Mrs. E. Mrs. Everywhere. Mrs. E. Mrs. E. She does look – that's appropriate because she looks a lot like E from Entourage. Yes. She's very little. She's your manager.

And she's a man. She helps you pick up She's a bit of a dickhead Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? Oh yeah Isn't it weird that Jane's Addiction have a song That's now just forever going to be known as The Entourage Oh totally Doesn't that be a weird thing as a band When have a song that's now just forever going to be known as The Entourage? Oh, totally

Doesn't it be a weird thing as a band when your song gets bought and now it's like, it's kind of not, it's bigger than you now Yeah, and when you hear the actual song now, you go, wow, they made a song of the theme Wow, that's weird And of all bands, Jane's Addiction, they're not a very, they're a pretty out there band at the time And all of a sudden they're just the theme to the fucking wanker fest 2008 or whenever it was made it's a little bit like you know when a band will so childish gambino has just done it where he put out that song this is america and it gets a lot of attention because he's put out a video clip with it that's sort of gone viral it's kind of a bit like that's what they've done their viral video

is just the opening credits to entourage that's what's really put that song on the map. Like when you hear it, you just want to see the convertible driving around with the name Perry Reeves up on a fucking taco shop. Perry Reeves.

The best bit in the Entourage movie where they had like the full four minute extended version of that was just great. Oh, right. Nothing like a TV show turned into a movie where they've got to satisfy the fans by having the theme song of the show in the movie somehow. And it's like this is the dumbest thing ever. That was a nice little definite nail in the coffin of that show, that movie, because it was like, you know, when it first came out, I felt like a lot of people got into it and I was into it, and then the longer it went on,

people went off it, but I'd made a commitment to that show with my then girlfriend, and we're like, okay, we'll keep watching it till the end, and then you're getting to the end going, oh, this is not like, and then the movie comes out, it's like, oh, there's been a bit of a gap, maybe this will be good, and I just remember being in the cinema going, what a fucking mistake.

Me and my mate, we went to the earliest session we could the day it came out right we got tickets to like the 9 a.m session you star wars did yeah we did and i believe dill rook came with us right just sitting through a whole movie and walking out and going cool it's 10 30 a.m all right yeah did you go go to the crybaby session of Entourage the movie? Yeah the mums and buds session. Just a lot of pregnant women and two year olds. And then later on I went to you know how they sometimes with like the sound of music they'll do

the sing along sessions where they have the lyrics on screen. I went to one of them. Great. So it was just for that three minutes they just had oh yeah and a little ball bouncing over it. Right. Not the rest of the lyrics of that song just the chorus. Rocky Horror style. Great.

Nice. Speaking of crybabies, yeah, we're recording this episode of Talking Dumb Dumb in your house, and it's a bit wet weather, so I was going to go out to your backyard to try and peek over the fence to see if your neighbour, Dillard Jones, the one-year-old baby that lives next door to you. No, he's at daycare today. Oh, okay. Right, that makes sense. Yeah, he's at day makes sense for the first time they're not leaving him by himself in the house well i you may have noticed i'm a bit at a you know kind of at a bit of a loose end today because you know

usually if i have not really because you're doing the podcast with me yeah but usually i have some kind of like moral or ethical quandary during the day right and the way that i solve it is i walk out into the backyard. Oh, right. And Dilruch Jones, the one-year-old baby that lives next door to me, he's kind of peeking over the fence. Right. And he kind of, you know, gives me a bit of advice.

But I woke up this morning, I had a moral quandary. What was it? I walked out into the backyard and, you know, I just was not able to get advice. Well, maybe I can help you with your moral quandary. I woke up with a big erection. I wasn't sure what to do with it. Maybe that's, maybe that Dillard Jones' one-year-old baby lives next door to you isn't a daycare. Maybe they just took him away

if that's the sort of quandary that his neighbour is bringing up. Can child services intervene on behalf of a neighbour? Can child services take you away? They've just moved him to one more house down the block. So now there's a buffer zone between me and Doolittle Jones, the one-year-old baby who lives two doors down from me. Right. Well, I'm glad. I'm glad about that.

If that's a sort of moral quandary. Is that a moral quandary? I think a moral quandary would be, should I bring that up to a one-year-old baby? Yeah, should I say, well, I mean, his face is mostly obscured by the fence so he couldn't actually see the boner anyway. Right.

So it's not like I'm exposing myself to him. Interesting thing about Dilwick Jones is he's only a fan of the last two seasons and the movie of Entourage. Right. He doesn't like the early stuff. Oh, right. Okay. He's into it when it gets real misogyno.

That's when he tunes in. That's weird even for a baby to have a taste like that. That's bizarre. I'm glad. Yeah, I'm glad he's – I hope he's at daycare being taught otherwise, being taught about better things. Yeah, better TV shows that really hold up. Better seasons at the very least.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's interesting. So I won't get to meet him today. All right, that's a shame. No. But hey, sometime – I'm sure sometime in the future you'll get to meet him. Great.

I can't wait. I've never looked forward to meeting a baby this much. Generally, it's a bit of a non-event. Yeah, yeah. I've heard so much though. Yeah. So I just hope.

Man, you know what? He's packed a lot into that one year. Yeah, yeah. He's living life. Yeah. He's having a, I hope he's not having a midlife crisis with all this stuff he's doing

he's gonna die at two um sweet hey uh so should we just crack straight into this this week we um this is the segment that we talk about our patreon subscribers there's a lovely little website that helps us a lot by being a sweet middleman and taking their sweet cut yeah they don't really help us at all well they do us, but they just make it worth their own while. So they do that. If you go to patreon.com slash a little dum-dum club, there is a way of showing your love to this show if you want to keep this thing going, which a lot of you do, which is very lovely of you. You can chip in money every week.

Some of you don't seem too fussed either way. No. Whether it continues or not. I've met plenty of people that, fuck, I know we've talked about this, but the amount of people I've met that just go, yeah, never been to a show, never bought a shirt, not on Patreon, oh well. You go, cheers, why did you say any of that? Yeah, wouldn't alter my life in any way if this thing just stopped tomorrow.

Sure, I enjoy it on the train, but, you know, let's be real, there's plenty of stuff out there to listen to. Yep. But that new Kanye album's coming out, but, you know, let's be real. There's plenty of stuff out there to listen to. Yep. But that new Kanye album's coming out. That'll keep me going for a bit. Yeah. Speaking of fuckheads... Oh! Yeah. Is he not a fuckhead? Is he not a fuckhead?

He's confirmed fuckhead, isn't he? Hey, you know what? If teasing a new single and then putting it out and it's a beat over which you're rapping about poop makes you a fuckhead, then, brother, call me a fuckhead. Oh, okay. Because that's something I did when I was 22. Oh, really?

Mm. What? I'm kidding. Oh, okay. Fuck, I'm so confused. I wish Dilwick Jones was here to solve whatever the fuck's going on. You can go out into the backyard. By the way, I should mention the daycare is on the other side of my house.

Right. Right. Fuck. What? So what? So on one side of my fence is Dilrub Jones' house. Right. And then if you go to the fence on the other side, there's a daycare centre. Okay.

So you're in between a baby and its daycare centre. Yes. Is there a shortcut through? Is this how you meant? Is there a shortcut through your backyard or something? Yes, him and the rest of the little rascals. Right. Walk through.

What a life you lead. Thank you to everyone who chips in on patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. It keeps the lights on. In here, there are plenty of you. This is a segment of the show where we thank a certain number, undetermined number of you. Thank you for chucking in. We've done this a few times over the

last couple of weeks or so, I think. We've thanked people, I think. So here comes some more people. Of course, you get your free magazine and your free bonus episode. And look, here is a shout out to, not a shout out, but just, I guess, a warning or a heads up. If you subscribe now, as you're listening to this, in the next couple of weeks, if you want to subscribe, you will be subscribing in time for the June bonus stuff. And of course, that would include us being in Thailand. So there'll be a lot of Thailand-centric bonus content. And I think this is the sort of stuff that people will especially like because we plan on filming a bunch of stuff and doing a bunch of extra bonus stuff that you wouldn't get normally.

Normally, you just get the magazine or a shorter bonus episode. But yeah, you're going to get some special stuff, I would say, in June, including a bunch of video content. So get on it right now. If you don't want to miss out on some excellent bonus content. It's the only way you're ever going to miss out on some excellent bonus content. It's the only way you're ever going to hear us talk about Thailand on this show. Yeah, yeah.

And you can, you know, it's going to be just like being there. Totally. It's going to be such a fucking great, we're going to really do it justice. We should say, the day that we're recording this, boy oh boy is it getting me pumped up for Koh Samui. Man, yeah. I think people might even be able to hear this through the mics yeah it is pissing down out there yeah it's shitting rain um which actually made me think just before uh this is this is generally when i am in samui when it just when it well it's a month on the calendar so yes when it hit yeah when it hits it's usually every's a month on the calendar, so yes. When it hits, yeah.

When it hits, it's usually, every year I tend to be there when the shit hits the fan in Melbourne. And I'm sitting there on Facebook over there going, look at that. Everyone's going, this is fucked. And I'm like, it's pretty good over here. It's pretty rainy today. Do you reckon this is going to be one of those days where at about 4pm there'll be a video that does the rounds on Facebook of like someone swimming through a gutter on Collins Street? Yeah.

You know, anytime it like floods, there's be a video that does the rounds on Facebook of like someone swimming through a gutter on Collins Street. You know, any time it like floods, there's always a video. It was like, check out this rube. And it's just like some guy who's whipped his clothes off and he's just like doing a fucking horsey on the corner of Exhibition Street. Surfing at Holden Astra, just going up the street. Yeah. Yeah. That does happen a bit over there, but not when we go there.

Not when we go to Samoa. I've been to Samoa where it's absolutely, there's been a flood. It bucketed down on the day after the festival finished last year. Yeah. It was great timing. I went there because I always used to go there in June. And it's actually the best time. That's why I picked it.

It's the best time to go there in June. It doesn't rain. It's beautiful conditions. There's not so many Russians there because it's summer in Russia. It's summer, yeah. Yeah. Usually there's fucking heaps of Russians. It's like a sex move.

The old Russian summer. Oh, yeah. Nice. But I went there in December and it fucking belted down and it was not that good. Yeah. So, here's a tip. Don't go – like they actually closed roads down. I went to go for a run and I couldn't go because the beaches had flooded. Right. They'd gone all the way up to the sand. So,'s a tip. Don't go, like they actually closed roads down. I went to go for a run

and I couldn't go because the beaches had flooded. They'd gone all the way up to the sand so I couldn't run along there. Then you couldn't run along the roads

because the roads had flooded. Right. So I couldn't, yeah, I couldn't go for a proper jog. It was not,

all I did was literally go into cafes and get pissed and eat for the whole like week. So it was still pretty good. This really is the most privileged discussion.

Oh, my holiday got rained out. Yeah. No, I still had fun though. So come along to that, guys. Yep. It won't be rainy. Okay. Let's crack into an undisclosed number of names. Do you want me to turn the power on for the unplanned title alternator? Yeah. You can have the privilege. Yep. Okay. There we go. I've just turned it on.

Done. All right, sweet. All right, it's cracking. Let's live every name like it's our last because it could be. We don't know when we're going to stop. We don't know when we're going to reach the end of people. What percentage of names would you say that we've read out over all the people who subscribe?

Fuck. Yeah, look, it's a great question but I really don't have the answer. It's... What a great week that'd be when we just... the well is officially dry. Yeah. I do sort of like...

I go to research. I mean, I go to... like I enter all the names in there randomly and some... you can tell that there's some names that are just... they've gone, this is a good idea

and then gone, I'm sick of waiting for my name. And you go to double check it all and it's like, they're not subscribing anymore. Oh, they've bailed. Yep. Wow. Yep.

So I share that to all you guys who were about to qualify for the unplanned title alternator but then just sort of pulled out at the wrong time. Yeah. That's a shame. It is a shame. It's a real shame. They'll always be thinking about what could have been. Yep. You could have – this is like always be thinking about what could have been. Yep.

You could have, you know, this is like the Hollywood Walk of Fame for podcast listeners. Yeah. This is a little star on the sidewalk for you guys. So first star on the sidewalk off the ranks is, thank you to Patreon subscriber, James Pelham. Pelham? Yeah. What's that movie?

The Taking of Pelham? The Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3 Never seen it Me neither But I believe Maybe we should watch it on the plane On the way to Samui

I believe it is Pelham Is it like a subway station or something? Something like that I think it is The Taking of Because it was a remake as well Yeah

It was remade with Denzel Washington And John Travolta. We should come up with an official playlist of movies or whatever for the flight over to Samui. Oh. What do you think about that? Yeah, I like it. Like what do you suspect?

What do you suggest? Well, we haven't done an episode of Talking Coppola yet in this week's episode of Talking Dum Dum, but maybe they could all be Coppola-related or adjacent. Have you said this on the show? Did we just talk about this privately, about how you want to record a private episode that's just for people that are going to listen?

Oh, yeah. I had an idea of like last year I didn't get around to doing it but I was kind of halfway through making a Spotify playlist for people to listen to of songs and then I thought, wouldn't it be funny to make like actually cut together like a mix and then, yeah, we were saying, yeah, what if we just record a private, yeah, just an MP3 that we send out to all the emails that we have of people who are going and we time it for sort of like the length

of the flight from, what is it, Singapore to Samui or Bangkok to Samui, so roughly like what, an hour and a half or so, and make it the unofficial in-flight entertainment for that leg. Great. Yeah. And you've done that flight so many times that you could sort of time it and sort of make it like, you know, give kind of real-time flight advice do you know what i mean yeah but yeah look yeah okay yeah that makes sense i thought you're gonna say oh so it's like a scenic one where you look out

the window and you go bro well right now you'll be going past this cloud a bit of that yeah actually didn't we last year when we got a bit of a rough flight on the way into simile didn't we did we i think it was slightly rough because it was like pretty exciting. You know, we were – who was it? Me and you and Dil and Ballard, I think, were the guest-wise on that flight. And then – oh, no, Blake. Blakey, yep. And Kappa was –

No, Kappa got in early. Right. And then there was a – So uninteresting. No, but then a bunch of listeners were on that flight as well. And we got a bit – The worst segment we've ever done. Who was on this flight?

No, but then it was a bit of a rough flight and I was thinking, wow, what if Kappa has to do a one-man podcast? The old Big Bopper, Richie Valens and – I don't remember it being – Buddy Holly. Rough because I will say since then I have been on two extremely rough flights where I honestly thought I was going to die. Wow.

Going into Byron Bay to do Falls Festival and then going into Sydney to do Tonightly a few weeks ago, going in through storm clouds and going into Sydney, the plane went through a storm cloud and we had to make three laps before we landed in the airport. So they'd start going... Three laps of the storm cloud. So, like, we were going down and the plane was just being chucked around

so much that the pilot goes, no, this is fucked, and goes up and does another circle around three times. Before, like, just above the cloud, waiting for the cloud to calm down. Waiting for the storm to calm down, yeah. Right, wow. Brutal, like just above the cloud, waiting for the cloud to calm down. Waiting for the storm to calm down. Right. Wow. Brutal, like almost famous,

I'm gay kind of stuff. Now, I've never seen that movie. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. You don't know that scene?

No. Really? No. Really? Because it took me a second to realise you were referencing a movie. Yeah.

So you were just like, you know, so it was a bit of that, I'm almost famous, I'm gay. I'm like, what does that mean? So it's a scene in the movie where they're on their private jet and it's a storm and it's all, and it's like going down and it looks like they're all going to die. And, you know, people are just like turning to the person next to them going, hey, I've been in love with you for a long time.

Right. And then I think it's like the drummer in the band, like up the back of the plane, he just goes, I'm gay. And then the plane like levels out. Right. And everyone's like, oh, wow, okay. Having to deal with like, oh, I just told this person what I really feel. Right.

And then cut to him, cut to the drummer up the back, looking very embarrassed right because imagine imagine yeah um i thought for a second that was a that was some sort of uh coming out for you because it was like you were like you know that almost famous i'm gay i'm like okay well almost famous you're on a podcast all right well that makes sense and then yeah i'm thinking that's what's going to take me to the next level And make me actually famous Right Nice

But yeah I was talking to someone The other day about that scene And going like That's a bit dodgy isn't it It's a bit gay panic And whenever that movie came out Like what 2002 or something Something like that

But then they were arguing That it's set in the 70s So that kind of attitude Right Is in line with the time That it's set Right So you can kind of give Old Cameron Crowe the time that it's set. Right.

So you can kind of give old Cameron Crowe a bit of a pass on that one. Okay. So he could have actually put a few more N-words in there, really. Yeah. What a wasted opportunity. Yeah. Yeah. He wants to be a bit more realistic. Well, get into it.

Get Quentin Tarantino in to do a reboot of Almost Famous and just N-word it right up. Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, James Pelham. Thanks, James. famous and just n-word it right up yeah that'd be good um yeah james pelham thanks james by the way can i give a bit just to just because this reminded me of this a bit of a behind the curtain that our listeners may enjoy so when i went to sydney i did uh i did a spot on a friend of the show tom ballard's tv show tonightly and i did a i I did a bit from my stand-up about my flight to Sydney, turning around and going back to Melbourne, and I had my noise-cancelling headphones on, and I didn't know that I was back in Melbourne, which I talked about on the show.

Yes. So, on the way up to Sydney to do that routine on TV, I missed my flight. Oh, wow. How'd you miss it? I'll tell TV, I missed my flight. Oh, wow. How did you miss it? I'll tell you how I missed it. I checked in online and I was at the gate waiting to get on and I waited for everyone else to get on and then I went and held up my boarding pass on my phone.

I had checked into my flight home instead. Oh. So she goes, this is a boarding pass for a flight from Sydney to Melbourne tomorrow. And so by then it was too late for me to check in to my actual flight to Sydney. Very, very good stuff. That's dumb. From an absolute master of air travel.

He's done it again. He really has done it again. Wow. So what did you do then? So then I go to the service desk and I always think in these positions, you've just got to own it. Were you as panicked as you were in Sydney when we missed that flight? No bins got kicked.

No, you didn't kick any bins over? No bins got kicked. All right. I went to the service desk and I think you've got to own it in those positions because you sort of see some people, they're just ready to crack the shits at whoever's behind the counter. Yeah. And that doesn't get you anywhere. So I open with this, I go, mate, I've absolutely fucked it

and I need you to help me. And he immediately is like, okay, this guy gets it. He's cool. Great. That's what I do. I absolutely – It's like you've got to humanise yourself. Yeah, no, totally.

I go head first in that stuff and go, I'm a fuckhead. Just heads up, I'm a fuckhead. I fucked it up. I'm gay. But yeah, and luckily he was like, oh, there must be some bug in the system because a few people have actually done that today. I'm like, yeah, you're right. This is on you.

Yeah. This is town hall's fault. This is city hall. Yeah. This is town hall's fault. This is city hall. Yeah. Fuck. Nice. Well, man, don't be doing that in early June. Oh, lesson very much learned.

It's slightly different this year, isn't it? Because we all decided to travel together last year, but now we're all sort of going there individually this year, aren't we? Totally. So you're going basically straight after we do the 400th episode in Sydney. I'm going to go to Singapore and then I'm going to go to Hong Kong and then I'm going to come in absolutely smoking hot to Samui direct from Hong Kong.

Nice. Never been to Hong Kong. Would like to go. Hongers. Honkers. I am going – I'm getting in early. I don't know if I've talked about this but – You're there right now.

We're doing this overnight. Yeah. I'm getting there a full week early just to, yeah, really. Just to see what it's like. Yeah. Just to embed myself into the culture. No, it's going to be good. It's going to be real good.

Thanks, James. Thanks, Jimmy. Jimmy P. Thank you to patrons. Well, speaking of the Co-Similar International Podcast Festival. I thought you were going to say Cameron Crowe's subscriber. No, no, no. Speaking of the International Podcast Festival going on in Co-Similar this year,

here is someone that went to the 2017 edition, to the inaugural podcast festival over there. Thank you to patron subscriber Beck Bonello. Oh, Bonello. Big fan of Bonello. Yeah. Wow. She made history with us.

She was part of the first. Was that the first one last year? I believe last year was 2017, right? We've not done one before then. Hang on. Let me think. I've got this handy phrase that I'd like to repeat in my head. Have we not done one before then?

Hang on, let me think. I've got this handy phrase that I'd like to repeat in my head. 2018 is the second international podcast festival that's happened in Costa Mesa. Yeah. Right. And for the listener, you've got that tattooed on your chest backwards, so you held a mirror up, memento style. To help paramedics.

Yeah. Yes. If found unconscious in Samui, do not revive revive This is how I want to go out Do not transport to any other hospital I haven't been to the hospital there Good Yeah That is good isn't it

You said that so full on Like you somehow missed out Well someone told me Someone was Look Some I'll put this out A guest was going

to go and they decided not to go after we asked them. And I said, why? And they went through a few reasons. It was timing wise and blah, blah, blah. But one of the things was they heard that the hospital in Koh Samui wasn't very good. I'm like, well, I don't know. I don't know about that. Like, who did you hear that from?

And also, wow, that's pretty pessimistic. I would assume that about any hospital in that part of the world, though. Like, if you had something really, really wrong with you, tell me you'd be stoked about getting it treated. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Sure. Big shout out to any doctors at the Koh Samui International Hospital

in case you get to work on us and we've just bagged you and you've gone, well, we could probably let this bleeding go. See, that's what I'm talking about. See, in a Western hospital, they wouldn't let that kind of bias seep in. Sure, this guy trashed me on his podcast, but I took the Hippocratic Oath.

I have to help this cunt. Yeah, okay. That's fair. Even though he's slagged me online his podcast, but I took the Hippocratic Oath. Yep. I have to help this cunt. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. Even though he's slagged me online. Yeah. That's a fair point. Fuck you, Koh Samui Hospital.

When I was on PP Island years ago, I woke up one morning. I'm sure I've told this on the show, and my eyeballs were red, all red. And I freaked out and was like, I really don't want to go to a hospital here or a doctor. And a good mate of mine who listens to this is a doctor. So he's always wrapped when I just treat him like WebMD and send him a photo of something that's wrong with me and go, mate, can't be fucked going into the GP.

Got any thoughts on this? And I sent him a thing and I was genuinely panicked because you see your eyeballs blood red and you're like, I'm fucked. I've got some disease. I'm going to have to be airlifted out of here.

Yep. And he's like, have you been scuba diving or have you been vomiting a lot? And I'm like, yeah, I had food poisoning. I was vomiting all day.

He's like, yeah, you've just burst a blood vessel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank God. I've done the same thing. It was a very hairy hour where I was like,

oh my God, I've got AIDS or something. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. It's only ever happened to me once, but just spewing so hard, the blood vessels all burst in your eyes and your face and everything. Oh, the worst.

The absolute worst. I will say it's a good cleanse, a good bit of food poisoning, though. Like once you're healed afterwards, it's the reset button. Yeah, nice. Do you know what I mean? Everything's gone. You've shed a couple kilos. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It does feel good once you eventually get over it. Yeah, you're right. The first full meal that you have back, you really appreciate it. All right. Hang on. Hang on. Just give me a second. I'm just going to leave some chicken out on the footpath.

You don't need to leave it out on the footpath. Just eat it raw or I'll do the trick. Oh, okay. All right. It's not the footpath that's adding the bad bits. Well, I don't want to roll the dice and accidentally eat good chicken. All right? Just don't blame me for going the whole hog.

Anyway, yes, Beck Bonello. Yes, wonderful person. I believe she's headed back again. She's done it again. She's done it again. She's going to do it again. She's done it again. She's going to do it again. She's going to go back to back.

How are we – well, yeah, it's amazing that so far 100% of these we've just turned it into some movie chat. Well, yeah. I'm pretty sure we could do the rest of it. That's the challenge. Name number three, the king. Yeah. So she is headed back again. And speaking of food, I would say this.

This is a ringing endorsement of Samui. I know that's weird coming from me, but believe it or not. I believe Samui to be the best place in Thailand for food. Okay. Of the islands, for sure. Yeah. And I've asked – you know, I know I'm going to get biased answers, but whenever I'm there and I'm talking to people in restaurants i'm like this is the best place for food isn't this island they're like yeah yeah right but every other place i've gone not yeah just doesn't touch samui i'm looking forward to uh that indian joint that was not

too far from the ozo very good indian yeah you know i went there because you you raved it up so much i went there last time i got very drunk by myself when I went in January and I had dinner. I had a great day. Now, this is an insight into what I do by myself in Thailand. Oh, God. This is going to be horrifying. No. I walked around by myself until – and I just did like a pub crawl but of food

and just stopped in places and went, order as much as I could. This is bleak. And then just got up and kept walking and then I'd find another place in there and order a heap more food and whatever. And that's what I did on the way home. I went, I'll go in and get some Indian from that place that Tommy recommended and just ate Indian at like midnight and had a few more beers and then went.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's why I like to travel with my wife instead. So I'm not spending a full day eating everything I see. Midnight Indian. Yeah. That's why I like to travel with my wife instead. So I'm not spending a full day eating everything I see. Midnight Indian. Yeah. That must have been a brutal bit of greenhouse effect in that room of yours overnight, I'd imagine. No, I don't think so.

A few beers, a bit of a curry. Don't think so. I think my constitution is okay with the Indian. It was okay. Yeah. Okay. But looking forward to doing it all again with Beck Bonnello by my side.

Sort of. Thanks Beck Bonnello. Caramello Bonnello. Nice. Caramello Bonnello. Bonnella? Is there a town called Bonnella that's particularly shit in Victoria? I think it's shit. That's you Beck. Yeah.

It sounds like you. You sound like a shit town. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Michael Hatfield. Hatfield. Field of hats. What do you think about that for a name? Hatfield. Hatfield. Break down the origins of the name Hatfield as a surname.

Okay. Well, like literally a field of hats. Well, that never happened. So we need to get beyond that Because it's someone's name Well it didn't happen So how did we get there Maybe his ancestors They sold hats

And I don't know Maybe they were all like Kind of organically made Sourced from you know Natural resources The sort of thing you would find in a field So you know That's where like a hat You know What if it was natural resources, the sort of thing you would find in a field. So, you know, that's where like a hat, you know.

What if it was – there was one hat and someone said, well, someone's got to wear this. And this guy said, I'll field this one. And then he wore it. Could that be a thing? Is that a thing? How dare you mock my explanation and come out with that rot. Yeah, well, I think we're one all in the rot, I believe.

Hatfield, fuck, inexplicable name. There can't be a logical name, a logical reason behind having that name, Hatfield. Hatfield. It's fucking stupid, actually. It sounds, I'm into it. It sounds good. No, it's stupid.

There was a character on Country Practice with the last name Hatfield, I think, wasn't there? I don't, why would I know that? Well, you know. There was a character on Country Practice It was the last time Hatfield I think Wasn't there? I don't Why would I know that? Well you know I think I was like two when a Country Practice wrapped up Yeah guess what That doesn't hold any water It's been on TV since

Has it? I hate it when I never see it on TV I hate it when people have that argument Oh I didn't know who was in the Beatles I wasn't born back then Yeah but Yeah well it's fucking

But when is a Country Practice ever on TV these days? I don't know. I wouldn't make it... If it was easily sourceable, if the whole thing was on Netflix, then yes, I wouldn't make that argument. Right. So, I've looked it up.

I am right. So, Gordon Piper played Bob Hatfield in a country practice and he was convicted of pedophilia at some stage. So a fun fact, fun fact to bring up. I believe towards the end of his life he may have had diabetes and had a leg or two amputated. So good to see a guy.

Maybe he had sex with me after the rat party of the show finally finishing because as I just mentioned, I was quite young. Maybe you've repressed it. Look, you would have a better idea of that than me, to be honest. I can't make a call on that. Gordon Piper. Wow, rare for you to say that you don't have a leg to stand on. Well, neither did this guy.

I don't think I... leg to stand on. Well, no, you did this guy. I think that's the first time I've ever heard you admit, I wouldn't know so I'm going to graciously bow out of this conversation. And it took a story about you being fucked by a pedophile for me to make that call. I finally found it. I knew I'd wear you down one day. Look, I'm a bit out of my league here. Yep. Fuck. Well, make the most found it. I knew I'd wear you down one day. Look, I'm a bit out of my league here. Yeah.

Fuck. I'll make the most of it because it'll take a story as brutal as that to happen again for me to put my hand up. I would love if it had gone the opposite way, just you doubling down. No, I reckon you definitely were fucked by this guy from a country practice. Well, no. I can't make a call on that. Well, thanks, Hatfield.

Yeah, thanks. And hey, sorry about your namesake doing those awful, awful things. Yeah, sorry about – it could have been your dad. I really hope it wasn't. Some of those people that have, you know, you were saying bailed out of the Patreon before their names got read out. They are, I mean, Johnny Pedophile. He is wiping some sweat off his brow going, oh, dodged a bullet there.

Yeah. Also, I just realized I said sorry about your dad. The guy's real name wasn't Hatfield. It's a character. In case that your dad is a character in a country practice, I'm sorry about that as well. Well, hey, maybe this guy's a character on a drama. Oh, right. Maybe he's a character in the rebooted country practice

where he's a young up-and-coming pedophile. A country practice is just a hospital in the bush, right? Yeah, in Wandon Valley. Right. Just near Burrigan. You could reboot it and set it in the hospital on the coast of Mui. Oh, wow. A Southeast Asian country practice.

What happens? You know when shows go, you used to go to Australia and they'd go, oh, it's fucking Magnum PI down under. What do you do when they want to go to Thailand? Do you just go, you know, it's the Beverly Hillbillies go right in the middle. Slightly to the left. Yeah. Because it's on the equator, so it's like right in the middle.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Over the, what, seven or so years that we've done this show, you constantly are mentioning sitcoms going down under. Yep. Now, again, that's a bit before my time. Did this really happen that often? It did happen a heap.

I'm obsessed with it. It seems to me that in your version of history, literally every single show that has ever existed has done at least one episode where they've gone to Australia. Most Australian shows have done that, yes. But there are... Blue Heel is down under. Yeah, yeah.

Have we done that? We've advertised one of our shows down under, haven't we? Pretty sure we did, yeah. Yeah, we must have. If not, we should have. Well, the idea was that when we did the 350th last year, because it was the first thing we'd done since getting back from Kosovo. Oh, yes.

So it was the Little Dum Dum Club Goes Down Under. Maybe we should do the Kosovo International Podcast Festival Goes Down Under and just do a show in Melbourne. Yeah. Have a Thai consulate or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be good. You know what?

And look, we have managed to get thailand into this one as well which is good how long until because this show doesn't have a theme or anything we're kidding ourselves how long until we just formally rebrand it as this is a podcast that is exclusively about thailand but it's not far off at this point but i've i've tried to hit up the the embassy and you know the tourism board and stuff like that. I've got nothing. Any dealings I've had with Thai people, Thai businesses, Thai anything, I've gotten nothing out of it. I think

it's because they just know that they're already getting it for free. You're showing your hand too early. You're like, I love this country and I'm obsessed with it and I talk about it all the time. Please give me money to continue doing this, which I, to be clear, will do anyway, regardless of whether or not there's any financial gain. That is not an exact summation of what I've pitched to them.

I just want to make that clear. Yeah, look, I would love for some sort of official aligning of us. That would be great. Yeah. I did my very best with some companies, but unfortunately. Look, it just goes to show that fuckheads are everywhere because I've dealt with enough fuckheads in this country through businesses and stuff. It's nice to know that Australia don't have the exclusivity hold on fuckheads.

Yes. Dealing with a few Thai fuckheads as well. Yes. So, yeah. Unfortunately, yeah. So, thanks, Michael. Thanks, Hatfield. Thanks, Hato.

Thanks, Michael Bob Hatfield. If you did have that nickname, Bob, I reckon you may have, depending on how old you are. Right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. How are we going to tie this one back to Coast Millie? I'm going to tie this one back to Coast of Millie? I'm going to tie this one back.

I see what you're doing. Oh, nice. I didn't even see that one. King of puns. Shut up. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Elia Zybede. Mm-hmm. Is that Elia? Elia?

No, Elia. Elia? Elia. Elia Zybede. Mm-hmm. Yes. Thank you. Now I've got the pronunciation right.

What have you got to say about that name? Well, I do not care to speculate on its origins. Not another one in Valley? No, I know Elia. Do you know Elia? You know Elia. She comes to a lot of our shows. She comes to shows. Yes.

Yes. Well, my link would be, I don't know. I don't. Is she coming to Koh Samui? Good question. I don't actually know. Yeah. She seems like enough of a listener that would be coming.

So I'm not sure. What an awful thing to say. So I'm not sure. I can't confirm that. If not, she should be. Everyone else is. Oh, she came to Maribor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well. The next logical step. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's been to see one of my homes. Why not the other one? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, Maribor.

Maribor, Thailand. What a golden triangle it is. Maribor, Thailand, Melbourne. golden triangle it is. Maribor, Thailand, Melbourne. The Chandler Golden Triangle. Yeah. What if you had to zero in on one particular part of Melbourne? That's mine. Yeah.

Well, it'd be Hawthorne because that's where I live. Okay. And I have been living for a while, for quite a while. But there's no other areas that are particularly special to you? It doesn't have to be your home. It can be an area you like visiting. Not Victoria Street? No.

I guess the CBD because I'm there all the time with gigs and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, nothing else. I lived in the West for a while, which is just absolutely bewildering in hindsight because I had no reason to be living over there. Moved to Melbourne, lived in Williamstown and Newport and stuff. No reason. But I would dare say that's what kick-started your fascination with the Westgate Bridge,

perhaps. I did go over it every day. Out of your bedroom window? Man, I could see it from my front yard when I first moved there. Your house would have been in the flight path from people jumping off it. Yeah. On a windy day, they'd come crashing through your front window. I would see it every...

I was on it every day and I would see it every day. I could see it from my front yard. See, I think subconsciously that's gotten into your head and that's kind of – so now you might be going, why on earth would I have ever lived there? But, you know, God has a plan for everyone and now the obsession with the West Gate is such a fundamental part of your personality that it was necessary for you to live there to really kind of get that embedded within you. I did.

When I was living there, I was living in Williamstown and I had a breakup and I lost my job basically at the same time. And then I sort of woke up and realized I was just living with some random person in a terrible house, nowhere near anyone that I knew, and I'm sitting there going, this is fucked. And I do actually remember going for the first time, I get it why people would want to chuck themselves off that bridge. I was that close to the bridge.

I was going, oh, I understand. Climbing up it from underneath, just jump off it again. I was like, look, I'm not going to do it. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do it. But I get it. Guys, I'm not going to do it. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do it. Yeah. But I get it. Yeah. Guys, I get it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's, you know, it's… Well, that's really interesting. Have you had any… Have you come close to that kind of thought since? No. Right. No, that was the one time I was like, all right, I'm pretty fucked up at the moment.

I get it. I'm not, you know, I'm pretty confident in myself not doing it. But, you know, I can see it to be an easy way out. It's harrowing, isn't it? Yeah. It's a harrowing realisation. I've had it. Yeah.

When you're sitting there and going, oh, everything hurts. Everything's fucked. Like, I wish I could stop any of this. Yes. And then you go, I can see why people would go, that's the easy way out. And I'm like, I'm going, fuck, no. If there was a button you could push where it's just done. Yeah.

Like, being in that moment where you go, I would do it. I don't care. I would just do it right now. Yeah. It's pretty harrowing. Yeah. Yeah. It's not.

It's cleansing though. It's like a good cry. You come out of it and you're like, wow, I've flown this close to the sun. Food poisoning. Mental food poisoning. Yeah. It's a reset button. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Brutal. poisoning mental food poisoning yeah it's a reset button yeah oh yeah brutal it's it's i i sort of likened it to some sort of like pre-season sports training because you're just going oh this is fucking hard work and there's heaps of it to go as well this is gonna be fucking hard yeah i'm gonna read out the number for lifeline yeah it's like the responsible thing to do at this point please sure hey we're not saying This is all positive in my mind What we're talking about Totally

We're saying, hey Look, we know for a fact Plenty of people have had You know, bad thoughts And been through bad times And we get a lot of We get an inexplicable amount of people Hitting us up going

Thank you for what you do Because you got me through some hard times To which I always think How the fuck did we help in any way? It's bewildering. It's bizarre. It's great to hear, but it is kind of bizarre because it's like, it's not like we sit down each week and go, all right, Carl,

let's talk a few people off the ledge. Yeah, yeah. No. By going on and on and on about Koh Samui. Yeah, yeah. If anything, by just having a podcast in our lives, we're the ones that need to be talked off the fucking ledge. But instead, we're helping other people out, which is – I cannot –

like if we're getting those thank yous, surely people who actually do good things in the world are getting fucking a million thank yous. You'd like to think. Yes, yes. Anyway, 13, 11, 14. Right. If you're having some bad thoughts, you're not alone.

There is someone to talk to and you are valid and you deserve to be here. Now, I asked this question yesterday in a room full of people. I said, do you think it would be bad if I approached Lifeline to sponsor our podcast? Do they do any sponsorship? Could we get any money off Lifeline? Yeah, and we're going them for a lot of money yeah we're really hard negotiators too yeah other yeah because we're like because if you don't if you don't cough up and you're not the sponsors well you know our sponsorship is going to be fucking end it all guys well we did do a few years ago

we did the we did june northern yes ago, we did June Northern. Yes. Where we were donating money to, was it Beyond Blue in the end? I'm pretty sure that's where the money went. We should do something like that again. It's a good thing to get behind. Yeah, sure. So I guess the answer is no, we can't get Lifeline as a sponsor. I just don't think they're in the habit of giving out money. Sponsoring anything.

I can't remember seeing any AFL team running around the field with Lifeline in front of their jumpers. It's like any other – like if you go to Coke and they sponsor it, it's like, cool, we're getting – we stand a profit off of this. Yes. Because this is just more people being aware of our product. Yeah. Lifeline aren't rubbing their hands together going, oh, yeah,

more suicidal calls coming through the old pipeline. Well, they don't want – do they want less? Yeah, no, they want awareness but it's not like they profit off. It's not like they make – it's not like a referral system where it's like every person that we talk off the ledge then owes us $50. Well, put it this way. If the calls don't come into Lifeline and all of a sudden there's no work to be done and all of a sudden they lay off some people, then all of a sudden those people are on the ledge.

I'm in the depression business and brother, business is booming. Yeah. Interesting business model hey fucking hell anyway thanks elia 13 11 14 thanks elia you know what that's the worst that's the worst one we've ever done this nice young lady who comes to our shows and we end up talking about suicide prevention because of her name prevention Yeah, prevention. Not doing it. Every word we've said is positive. We're talking about,

we've just given a big old ad to Lifeline even though we started off with me wanting money off them and now we've just given it out for free. That's done everyone a favour there. Yeah, Ellie is saving people. We wouldn't have read out the Lifeline number if not for her. Yeah, exactly. I'm looking at this in a different way now. Yeah, yeah.

Be a bit more positive. Be more positive. Yeah, exactly. I'm looking at this in a different way now. Yeah, yeah. Be a bit more positive. Yeah, sorry. Be more positive like me, Tommy. I'm gay! Sorry, but you're going to have to ring a different hotline for that. All right.

Yeah. What do we got? This has gone for ages, by the way. Has it gone for ages? Yeah, this is almost an hour at this point. It is not.

It is. Fuck! The recorder says 48 minutes and 51 seconds. All right. Do you want to get lunch after this? Okay. Where do you want to go? What do you feel like?

You and I are having dinner tonight. Oh, yeah. We are too. And the booking that we have is extremely late. Oh, 10 p.m. So I'm pretty keen to keep myself – I'm pretty keen to like, you know, have a decent lunch that's going to keep me going. Yeah.

Because I'm going to go to the gym this afternoon. Yeah, me too. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to have a nap. that's going to keep me going. Yeah. Because I'm going to go to the gym this afternoon. Yeah, me too. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to have a nap. Are you going to have a nap? Yeah. I can't nap. It's fucked.

I can because my cat wakes me up early. Yeah, okay. And I have to. No, but it just doesn't matter how tired I am. I can't sleep during the day. Right. It's fucked. Right.

But yeah, what do you want to get? Well, we're in your area. You know this area better. Yeah. We could get – You're fussy though. Yeah, it's fair. You're a great one for like pretending that you don't mind

and then it's just literally suggesting about ten things until I go, oh, there's a Thai place. Yeah, let's go there. Okay. Well, yeah, we can go to that Thai place you're talking about if you want. Sure. Your choice. I had Thai the other night and it was the worst meal I've had in a long time.

I got something that did say it had chilli in it but it was an unbelievable amount of chilli. I couldn't eat it. Yeah. Alright,

let's do one more. Okay. I'm hungry. Yep. Alright, one more time. Crank up the unplanned title

alternator. Going into overtime, one more than we usually do. But anyway, we'll do this. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. How are we going to tie this back to Thailand? It'll be interesting. Yes?

I know I'm already going to be a big fan of whatever's coming next. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. And look, you know, I've just read out Elia Zabidi. You know, hopefully that's the way you pronounce it. Yes. Please let me know if that's not how you pronounce it. And the same goes with this one. Thank you to Patreon subscriber MrComedy.

Right. Now, this reminds me of an email that we got during the week. Right. Because last week you read out MrComedy. I don't have the record. And then we got an email. No, I read out MrComedy this week. Just then.

This comes to us from Andrew Del Vecchio. Now, that's a good name. Why isn't this motherfucker chipping in on Patreon? Well, because he just got his name read out then for fucking free. Hey, guys, big fan of the show. This week's episode was fantastic, and during the Patreon read, I couldn't help but notice that Mr. Comedy was read out. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to start any trouble,

but I'm almost certain that he's already been read out. I've had this idea for a while, but do you want me to make a list of all the names you've ever read out and how many times you have read them in the Patreon segment? It would be a fun project. Let me know. I might do it anyway. So, yeah, now how do you respond to that? Well, you know, obviously he hasn't done the list yet because he would know that.

He doesn't need to do a list to remember something that he literally had just listened to before he sent this email. Well, despite whatever you said then, he hasn't made the list so he doesn't know for sure. So, yeah, look, he can make that list based on a fallacy. But, yeah, look, first time listener,, Mr Comedy, thank you for chipping in. Appreciate all the support you're giving us. But, again, you read, like, can you just at least acknowledge that you did read out Mr Comedy last week?

It was less than a week ago. It was like five days ago in this very house that you sat there and you said the name Mr Comedy. And, look, Mr is just a prefix. They could be different people. But can you just acknowledge to me that you have said the name Mr Comedy. And look, Mr is just a prefix. They could be different people. But can you just acknowledge to me that you have said the words Mr Comedy before in this segment? Look, I don't keep records back that far.

I'm just asking you to just acknowledge. I'm telling you. I know it should be good enough. I can't acknowledge anything when I don't have the facts in front of me. Now, I don't keep. I'm telling you. Do you not trust me or what? No. Well, that's an opinion of yours. Why – I'm telling you. Do you not trust me or what? My – no.

Well, that's an opinion of yours. Why would I lie about this? It's not an opinion. It is an opinion. You're not saying you can't remember. So yours is null and void. I'm saying that I do remember. It was five days ago.

That should be enough for you. Yeah, but – that's just you. Like people remember this is like, you know, what's that? This is a Mandela effect. This is a thing where you think you remember something. If I, in this context of saying that you've already said Mr Comedy, if I somehow include a detail about me being fucked by a member of a country practice when I was a kid, will I be able to invoke you putting your hands up and saying

you don't want to speculate and you don't know what you're talking about? Is that the way to get you to admit defeat here? There's nothing to admit. I don't understand how you, country practice, got anything to do with me reading out a name of someone who has sent us money for the first time. No, not for the first time. Well, look.

It might be a different person, but you have read out a Mr Comedy before, twice now. Now, look, I don't listen to this show because, so I don't know. Exactly. So you don't know. Well, I don't know if you know. This could be just a bit like that you've got up your sleeve for, like when you don't have anything, when you've got a plain name like Mr. Comedy and you're like,

well, I've got nothing to riff off. So I'll just do this big song and dance about fucking having read it out before, which also makes us look a bit unprofessional. I hope you edit this bit out. I'm just going to make a quick phone call. 1-3-1-1-1-4. Is that Mr. Comedy's number to prove that this is the first time he's been read out? It's a comedy line.

Right. Well, look, Mr. Comedy, please don't stop subscribing. I'm positive. I'm pro, Mr. Comedy. Thank you for chucking in your shekels this way. Please don't get offended at whatever Tommy's saying about you. I wouldn't take it personal. Boy, this bit that you're doing is just absolutely crashing and burning.

We are going down at a rapid rate, and that leaves me with only one thing to say. I'm gay! I'm gay! Are you trying to start a catchphrase so we put out shirts that say that? And then we get sued by Cameron Crowe.

The gay community got nothing against this. It's just Cameron Crowe. Cameron Crowe's like, that's my bit. People never used to come out by saying that phrase. Yeah. It used to be saying, mum and dad, I am a homosexual. Right.

And then Almost Famous comes out and the gay community goes, fuck, there's been a quicker way this whole time. Right. You know, these coming out announcements, they've been taken forever. Yeah. But this guy, he's like boiled it down to its bare essentials. So when you think of Almost Famous, you think of that phrase.

Yes. I think of two men fucking. That's Terminator 2, I'll be back for you. When you think of Almost Famous, you think I'm gay. It's worth watching that whole film just for that scene. Go ahead, punk, make my day. Dirty Harry. Let's do, like, for the next Patreon,

we did a commentary once of the founder of the McDonald's movie. Let's do a commentary, not of all of Almost Famous, just of that scene. So we just put out a three-minute Patreon. No, no, no. We do it with the whole movie, but we just talk about that scene coming up for the whole movie until it happens.

Yeah, and then once it's happened, we're dissecting it. Yeah. We're talking about how great it was. We do an episode of Talking I'm Gay. The first time you see him on screen, we're dissecting it. Yeah. We're talking about how great it was. We do an episode of Talking I'm Gay. The first time you see him on screen, we're like, here he is. Yep. The big man. Yep.

Looks like he's got a little bit of a secret up his sleeve. Yep. The true meaning of the movie, Almost Famous. Oh, well, thanks, Mr. Comedy. Thanks, Mr. Comedy. You know what? I thought when I saw that name come up just about five minutes ago, I thought we'll make something out of that.

And I was right. Fuck off, mate. What? Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. If you would like to be part of this inverted commas fun every week, you get a magazine that we work very hard on. You get a bonus episode, which is always fun. And, yes, sign up within the next couple of weeks

and you will be in time to get the June bonus content, which will be videos and extra stuff in Thailand, with great guests, which is going to be heaps of fun. Guys, littledumbdumbclub.com for all of our upcoming dates and stuff that we're doing, our merchandise. We've got new t-shirts up there. What do you

reckon we, just a minute in the back of the show, what have we got coming up after Thailand? We've got nothing planned, do we? Nothing planned, but I imagine we will start looking at Perth. Yeah, Perth. Towards the end of the year, we'll probably have a little bit of a break. And then we've got what? We've got a Perth trip.

We should do Brisbane again. Maybe Brisbane towards the end. We should probably do Sydney again, maybe, because that's also – We haven't even done it yet. Well. Maybe. We could do it again. Yeah.

We could look at doing it again. Doing it again. That sounds good. We could do it again. Yeah. Look at doing it again. Doing it again. That sounds good. I'm going to Japan. I reckon we've got a new place to go to coming up. Ah, yes. We've been in slight discussions. Yes.

So we may have a new place to go to. Yeah. That's exciting. Yeah, it is exciting. Hopefully. Hopefully it comes off. At the moment, it's looking good. But we may be going somewhere for the first time in Australia. So. Yeah. Yeah. Should is exciting. Hopefully. Hopefully it comes off. At the moment, it's looking good, but we may be going somewhere for the first time in Australia.

So, yeah, it should be fun. A certain map that we're both pretty familiar with. I'm sorry? Guys, littledumbdumbclub.com. Thanks for listening once again. We'll be back next week with another great live episode. But until then, see you next time. See you, mates.