The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 403 - Live! Gareth Reynolds, Dilruk Jayasinha, Dave Callan & Adam Knox

Episode Date: June 27, 2018

We're back on the beach and this time we've angered the Gods! We battle extremely inclement weather conditions and the threat of electrocution to put an end to the saga of us owning a bar in Koh Samui. DILRUK JAYASINHA has a visual treat for us, GARETH REYNOLDS has nearly died on a motorbike, ADAM KNOX had a brutal time at the airport and DAVE CALLAN has invited himself on our holiday. PLUS Karl got a massage! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live at the 2018 Koh Samui International Podcast Festival with guests Gareth Reynolds, Dilruk Jaisingha, Adam Knox and Dave Callan. That last one was a bit of a surprise. That was very much a surprise. It's a surprise guest, surprise for us as well. Yes. So yeah, this is a great episode's a surprise guest, surprise for us as well. Yes. So, yeah, this is a great episode.

Once again, we're back on the beach. It's very windy in this one. There was the threat of rain going throughout the episode, but another very good time in front of an enthusiastic group of international travellers. Yeah, so you get to hear all the sound effects of insects and waves and all sorts of sand, if you can hear that. Yeah, which actually we were just in a conference room.

None of that was happening. We said this on the show, we flew over Michael Winslow. Oh, yeah. So he's on a microphone behind the stage just kind of doing all this stuff live. So you get to enjoy that in the episode. He's playing most of the guests as well. Yes. Wait, so he's moved on from sound.

So his new sound effects are People People's vocal cords Yeah, yeah And only Adam Knox Like, he's the only person that he can do We couldn't afford Noxy So we had to get a ring in Yeah But yes, enjoy this

It's just lucky that Noxy sounds a lot like a machine gun So, yeah So, yeah, enjoy this episode Heaps of fun once again Thank you to all of you guys that were there This will be good and then at the end of the episode in a special edition of Talking Dumb Dumb we have a

couple of big announcements. So stick around for them. So maybe a live show announcement and a streaming announcement. Yeah. Well now you've taken now people going I don't care about either of those things so I'm not going to stick around for those big announcements. Okay. We'll take that bit out.

So, yes, enjoy this episode. And, hey, as we say here in Koh Samui, surf's up, dude. Hey! Hey! Welcome to the Little Dum Dum Club, live once again from Koh Samui, the home of the giant Buddha. My name is Tommy Daslow and standing next to me is the other half of the program, the giant anti-Buddha, Carl Chandler.

G'day dickheads! Some sweet Thai impro right there. Thank you, thank you very much. I think you've angereded the gods the gods must be cunts oh Jesus Christ and anyway there's a tsunami coming so whatever so we're in the middle of some sort of typhoon at the moment and so thanks for coming man doing an outside gig two days ago was a fucking great idea isn't it at the moment now it's like we bought a convertible and went why would we ever need a top to this thing it's gonna be summer

forever last episode we were doing like gear about what was going on in the environment around us i was very paranoid i thought people at home won't be able to tell what's going on the wind is so fucking strong people at home can very much hear what's going on what i'm worried about is you know there's there's a chance of rain, there's spits and there's bad weather and whatever. And we've got all these microphones and they've all got protective cases except mine. Nice work, Webby. So that's what he was doing back there for two hours.

Good. All right. What, taking a cover off one microphone? Very slowly and carefully. It makes logical sense to me at this point. So yes, it's been a pretty Overcast day, a pretty windy day We've been on high alert with the weather all afternoon The staff have assured us that everything

Was still okay to go ahead on the beach And look, as soon as we've gotten up here I think we can say that maybe the staff Got it wrong on this one No, it's calm down, ever since you stopped Calling gods sea words I feel like it's okay. Let me...

Should I try it again? Just don't mention any royalty, for fuck's sake. And look, I think the good news is after last week's episode, it's just good to see, despite what I said, we've managed to hold on to our sponsors, Chang. So that's good. Good news that they've brought the inflatable fucking beach balls chang so that's um that's good good news that they've brought the inflatable fucking beach balls or whatever that is back which makes me very thirsty someone told me after the last episode when you were like bagging out chang that the managers of

this resort were standing up the back like go like freaking out but i was like you you don't get the culture of what a podcast is like him bagging out chang isn't going to make these people stop drinking chang if anything it's going to make them drink more chang just to spite you also i him bagging out Chang isn't gonna make these people stop drinking Chang if anything it's gonna make them drink more Chang just to spite you also I'm bagging them out whilst drinking one whilst wearing a shirt with their logo on it so and you've got a dick you dick in one of their bottles as well so it's all I believe it's about even Stevens at this point so yeah so what do we do we need to I mean look we should work this out at some stage if it starts bucketing mid podcast with rain um what do we do?

What do we do? Maybe run, I'd say. I don't think anyone's got any problems there. I think there's exits everywhere. So we all know what to do. I'd like to just stay up here and hold my ground and see how devoted these people are to this podcast. No, this is a good riff.

I'm staying here. I'll tell you what. If there's some sort of tsunami, the last person to leave gets a free bonus episode on the Patreon subscription. So there's a prize there, guys. I like the idea that we treat, you know, like at school when you have like wet weather program, we just send everyone back to their rooms with a coloring book. They can just do that.

We were fighting against it. We had to delay the show because Australia was playing France in the World Cup, which was definitely worth delaying for after the result. Yeah, so look, there may be a lot of Australian fans that are not in the mood to laugh, but if we've got any French fans here tonight, this should be a hell of an episode.

Have we got any French supporters at all, guys? You're right to not say yes because I was going to kick the fuck out of you. Je suis dumb cunt. Vive la shithead. I was thinking, fuck, dumb cunts are the thing you say, but you just said it. Yeah, yeah, you put the cart before the horse there. That was fucked up.

So this is, yeah, it's holding out. I think we're going to be all right. Yeah, so, well, look, for people at home, we did a thing last night. Everyone here at the live show knows about this, but we finally, we put the end on the tail of us owning a Thai bar in Thailand. So everyone here came to the opening of Planet Westgate, one of the very few Little Dumb Dumb Club themed restaurants in Southeast Asia.

And I think it was a roaring success. We sold out of drinks, which, duh, it's you guys. So, of course, that was going to happen. We could have gone to a brewery and that would have fucking happened. We announced that there were 20 more beers left and then all of a sudden there were no beers left in the space of a minute because a certain eccentric Serbian gunrunner made his way over to the bar and bought the last 20 beers just to...

Yeah, just to really show off and spend that whole $2.50. All right, mate, you're doing all right. You sell a lot of Uzis. We get it. So, yeah, fun time, fun fun party everyone had a good time you and i you know we were when we're talking about the idea of buying a bar in thailand like a few months ago we were like super into it we thought it'd be great now we've done it for one night i think we both agree never again like thank god we weren't able to buy a place because last night fun glad you guys had a good

time but on our end a logistical fucking nightmare. Yeah. We were running an open mic pub. We didn't know what the fuck we were doing. We turned up to the supermarket to buy 50 slabs and then we'll take the payment now and we're like, oh, we didn't think that far. We didn't fucking bring any money.

Yeah, we bought so much booze that Thai ATMs will not let you withdraw that much money from the machine. So we had to each go and withdraw the maximum amount from the ATM pull that together to get the grog what I what actually actually happened was all the money that you guys put in for the wristband that you get to go into cafe Westgate I'd kept in my backpack and then I put it in the locker in the supermarket so I had to keep going back to the locker to get more money out to buy I made four different transactions out of had to keep going back to the locker to get more money out to buy i made four different transactions out of my backpack to come back and the security office

like you're fucking insane what the fuck is going on so very uh unprofessional i think at the very least well this so it's basically the tie equivalent of costco which if you're a costco member you know you have to like sign up you like don't you pay like a registration fee or something like that tie costco you still need the card but we like went over to the registration bit thinking oh this is gonna be a bit of a process we're like oh we need like a membership card or something like that. Ty, Costco, you still need the card, but we went over to the registration bit thinking, oh, this is going to be a bit of a process. We're like, oh, we need a membership card, and they're just like, yeah, here you go. Just hand us one.

No details on it. No membership fee. Why fucking have it? What is the point? Yeah. And this is our unprofessional way. We get in there, and luckily we brought Brett Blake because we got there, went to get the grog,

and then we're making cocktails, and we're like, we don't know what a cocktail is. What goes in a cocktail? We have no idea. And we're like, we're going to make eight of them. And then we're like, went to get the grog, and then we're making cocktails, and we're like, we don't know what a cocktail is. What goes in a cocktail? We have no idea. And we're like, we're going to make eight of them. And then we're like, what goes in one? I don't know. Yeah, and so there's like a thing here

where you can't sell booze between the hours of two and five in the afternoon. So again, we're there at ten to two. The clock is ticking. Standing in the spirit aisle with you going, get on Google and look up ingredients of classic cocktails. Ah, the classics. Just the classics, thanks.

None of this new school shit. Fuck. We're like, Scotch and Coke, that's a cocktail, yeah? Yeah, we could have served these guys vodka and dirt and they would have been down for it. We could have just gone to the servo and said, a couple of litres of unleaded, please. And a gallon of Fanta.

I think we'll be okay. How much for one Bowser? Oh, 25,000 baht? No worries. Yeah. Fucking hell. What a nightmare. So then, so yeah, we do all that.

We load up a ute with booze, which was pretty cool. It was very cool because we load up an entire ute that Mama Ninja from Ninja Crepes lent us a... Yes. Yes, you're right to applaud. What a lovely lady. So she was helping us with the bar, obviously. She was doing the catering, she was doing all the food. And to help us, she gave us a babysitter,

a chauffeur in a ute, and he just drove us around all day and didn't speak English, which was very helpful. And so we were just loading the ute and he just drove us around all day and didn't speak english which was very helpful um and so we were just loading the ute full of beer and then like so he'd have to sit in the ute to wait until we went back in and looked for straws um so he's not joking that took 15 minutes to find the straw aisle and again the clock he said for some reason we did that before getting the rest of the booze like yeah and then we'd go back out there and he's like a supermodel stretched out on the slabs on the back of the year yeah it was great because he kept moving the car he had to move the car at one point and i went and i couldn't find him i'm

like fuck now well played this cunt's done a runner that's nah i can't even be mad that's gold that's great and then i look and then i hear him i hear someone yelling like hey hey and i look over and he's just sitting there piled on top of like four slabs high just going, hey! Just living large in the Costco car park. So, yeah, behind the scenes, we tried to put on a bit of a show and everything. We hired sound equipment in. We got the banner. We got a big banner for Planet Westgate and all that sort of stuff.

We did all of that yesterday. So that was all happening at the last minute. So because we found out that none of these companies will action this stuff until you pay a deposit and they won't take cash. So 11 a.m. yesterday was us walking up and down the street trying to find a Thai person with a local bank account that would let us give them cash and then fulfill this invoice on our behalf. It was... We looked... Yeah.

It looked... It was an anti-scam. We were the fucking biggest idiots. So then we finally get that sound equipment that was happening. I think that's the bit that broke these guys. Like, it's just dawn on everyone, these guys are fucking idiots. Yeah, yeah. Before it was funny and now it's just depressing.

I laughed at that petrol thing, but I think there was diesel in that cocktail last night. So all the DJ stuff, all the music stuff, it's like they set that up and we're like, great. And then we went and made announcements all during the night, that you guys know. Just so you know, every time we made an announcement, we got an electric shock from that microphone. Yeah.

So I picked it up at one point and then I had it in my hand and I lent on a bar, like a metal pole that was there, and went, oh, that's what being electrocuted feels like. I've just been electrocuted. And so then it was at a point where we couldn't touch the mic, we couldn't touch the mixing desk. So I called the guy who dropped it off, who we'd hired it from, he's this British dude, and I'm like, hey, man, bit of a problem.

We're just getting a slight case of electrocution every time we touch the equipment that we've paid you money for and he's like oh that's no good like yeah and you know when you're in an interaction with someone where you just like you you just it's like it's in your court buddy like i'm just gonna leave this for you to take up the reins this is the this is the point where i go that's right i got paid 700 bucks to not electrocute you maybe i should do my job right now yeah yeah so i'm talking to him and he's like oh well it's probably just um it's like a problem with like the the i don't know the earthing thing so it's like it's because you're not wearing shoes i'm like well i am wearing shoes and he's like right right well it's just here in thailand it's like it's it's

it's the currents of the electricity and it's like the the fact of like the earthing like it's the currents of the electricity, and it's the fact of the earthing. It's because there's no earth in Thailand. There's no earth. I'm like, what am I standing on right now? You're fucking kidding. And he's like, yeah. Hang on, hang on. Is this guy the hightest of stuff? Is he the prime minister or something?

Because we're getting the weather back again. You're dissing him, and we're waning at someone. Yeah, just bolt of lightning. Oh, you want electric shock, do you? So yeah, then he's like, oh, I don't really know what else to say to you. And I'm like, well, yeah, me either. And then a long pause and he goes, I mean, I guess I could come down and try and fix it so that it's not electrocuting you anymore.

I'm like, that'd be fucking great if you could. Yeah, and he lives five minutes down the road as well. Yes, yes, yes. He lives five minutes down the road. It took him half an hour to get down there. Anyway. Yes, he lives five metres down the road. It took him half an hour to get down there.

Anyway. I think even the crickets got blown away with that one. Sorry everyone at home, but it's windy. So yeah, what else? So, apart from not being able to pay for booze, nearly having the booze get stolen from us, getting electrocuted every time we tried to do anything. Getting our banner that says the name of the pub three quarters of the

way through the night. By the way, that guy, he pulled up with the banner and he goes and he gets out of the back seat of his car and he hands it to me and he goes, you like soccer? And I'm like, sure. And then he hands me like two dozen rolled up A4 posters up A4 posters

A4 posters for the World Cup it's like just have these for free like cool well

they're still at Mama Ninja's so I hope she likes soccer so yeah thanks so much that was the first night we were going to do it

that's also the last night we were ever going to fucking do anything like that now I get why pubs are good like because it's like

you get to go to a pub and just have a party in someone's house and fucking do whatever you want. Why the fuck did we run our own one? Oh. Sorry, our techie has taken 15 minutes to find the cover for my microphone, so. What the fuck are you doing? Trying Shout out to Webby everybody Webby's wrapped a tea towel around a microphone

I think he's made a present for his mum for Mother's Day Check one two I think that microphone is haunted by the way we've got a new inclusion of the front row a straight dog a straight dog has come to join the show yeah okay not into it no no I'm aware sorry I didn't have a big riff planned all right here we go um wolf wolf can't yes yes I say you have this one covered all right should we is there anything more to say about the buy it was fun but yes a fucking nightmare yeah I reckon next thing you and I should start should be a tie pet shop what do you think well we've got one exactly

yeah no it's good you know what a couple of hours of it was spent with me because I'm like a planet West Coast gonna be this dumb dumb themed bar so we're gonna have like pictures all around the joint so I spent a couple of hours on them I don't think anyone saw them also a very good use of my time all right should get a first guess out here folks please give it up, welcome to the little Dun Dun Club, Dil Rookjai Singer! Hello, congratulations, hello Carl, hello Tommy. Man, before we fucking die, I gotta say, I'm having the best fucking time right now. This is unreal.

I know we love the negativity, but I was like, fuck it, this is cool. I'm just sitting there, I'm like, oh, fuck, I've got to do work. And I was just enjoying the business. Should we mention... Who's saying this? I can't see anything. Should we mention the fact that you're trying to not look like a beekeeper, I believe? No, no, because since I last did the podcast live or whatever, I've lost like 30 kilos.

And I feel bad that we've kind of lost our fat joke roof. So I want to give you something else to work with. So you're wearing a camouflage hat with a beekeeper sort of a vibe to it. Yeah, I'm trying not to get sunburned. Right. It's night time. You're trying not to get your throat sunburned?

It's my Thai burka. Right. Tommy's distracted by the dog. Get funnier because the dog's walking out. Okay, well, in that case, look, I was thinking that's not going to be enough, so I thought I'll give this one a go. And I just...

He's got his hair braided. Wow. I'm going to go full Thailand and get my hair did. Wow. You think I'm going to wear this cat like an idiot? I didn't want to look stupid all the time, Carl. That's what it was. That is nice. It was really funny. wear this cat like an idiot I didn't want to look stupid all the time nice it was really funny I had to get it all the way on the other side away from Ozo

because I didn't want any listeners jumping in so it's been quite an ordeal and staying hiding you look like you're in corn, something you've never eaten. So, yeah, it doesn't work anymore. But even then, I'm like, half of it is a food. There must be something in here. But it's healthy. It's a vegetable. So, yeah. Next time you get that done, I'll think of something else.

Yeah, right. Okay, well. But it is nice. Look at this. I mean, I genuinely, what was it, like 80 last year, now 250. Friendships have been made because you two decided to talk in a podcast. So well done, right? Yeah.

That's really awesome. I've been getting a good chance to talk to in a podcast so well done yeah that's really awesome I've been getting I've been getting a good chance to talk to some of the people there's some very interesting people

who are aware there's a German guy Niamh Juergen who was not even part of the podcast at all just on the pool where is he

there he is he's gone to Poland oh yeah give him a big shout out he's a new fan he's not here but like he's paid his ticket he's gotten it pretty quickly apparently he keeps He's gone to Portland. Oh, yeah. Give him a big shout out. He's a new fan. He's not here. But he's paid his tickets. No, he is here.

He's gotten it pretty quickly. Apparently he keeps making Nazi jokes, which is... This guy gets it. There's also a bunch of listeners who've got the beach front rooms and they're actually listening from their rooms. And they told me when you did the first podcast that Brady Blake needed to pee and he asked them if they could he could use their toilet and he's used their toilet and word is apparently a lot of drips on the floor

fucking grub fuck we should have been using that as a green room and also he's using it as a yellow room. And also, Brady was cutting mint and limes for our cocktails last night at the bar. So if you had a mojito, you drank a bit of Brett's piss, probably. Filthy animal. Did you hear about this? There's Stas who's here, who people who listen to Patreon part would know is known as Nasty Assia. She told me that she's willing, she needs to get a tattoo tattoo in Thailand and she's willing for us to come up with something and I suggested and she said I don't even need to see it I'll get it

done and I look at it the first time what I suggested swastika she said no thanks very polite given what you're suggesting what do you think about that idea German guy at the back he's already got one yeah I don't know if you want to go the tattoo I was just thinking don't we have someone else yeah that's the second offer that the person wanted to do that we just get an updated one I was just thinking simply call everything is Rick that's not bad yeah so where people would get like such is life yeah yeah Ben cousins everything is Rick yeah to be fair she walks around wearing earrings that say cunts I think I think

she wouldn't care now the guy that is gonna get a tattoo isn't there there's a first guy's gonna get a tattoo that came up to us the other day and talked about we we can talk about that yeah he wants me to do a drawing of us that he's going to get me and you yeah yeah he's gonna get tattooed on his hip yes is that right yeah I think that's it is he here where is he he's going to get tattooed on his hip. Yes. Is that right? Yeah, I think that's it. Is he here? Where is he?

No, he's going to get it tattooed on his... Oh, he's at the back. He's going to get it tattooed on his... So he's so dedicated to us, he wants our face on his ribs, but he won't sit anywhere near the phone. Oh, that's Luke from Albury. I know all of you can't, by the way. He wants to get it tattooed on his rib, which is I think the most painful place to get a tattoo done.

No, I think the dick's probably worse. Not sex second. Well, that's what I want to do for the tattoo. It really hurts the dick bone when you get tattooed on. I went for the tattoo. I want to have me on his rib with a little speech bubble going, why don't you get one of these removed so you can suck your own dick? And he's into it.

What if you get one of Stas getting everything is Rick and him getting everything is rib? All right, let's get another guest out here. But, so the guy that's going to get it, Luke, up the back, there is, how about this? So we want to come and film that if it's going to happen. Is it going to happen? Has Tommy done the drawing yet?

No, of course not. So. Fuck up, cunt. Well, have you? Yeah. No. I've got it done. Have you done it?

Yeah. So when are you going to do it? Trouble in paradise. They're doing it on fucking. They're doing it on Monday. Is it Monday? Yeah. So have you got the tattoo parlor booked in?

You know where you're going. Where are you going? Star cap. Now there's a place in central in the shopping center called 69 tattoos. I think that would be way more appropriate No, okay Is that like you lie on the bench and the tattooist is like, leaning over you, just like... No, he does one and you do one for him as well. Right, right. Tattoos for two.

Nice one. All right, if you do that Monday, we'll come down. Awesome. And we'll get a tattoo of you. All right, let's get our next guest out here. Folks, please go crazy. Welcome back into the little Dun dumb dumb club Gareth Reynolds Gary Gary no you're not allowed to do it from here I'm sorry I'm a fan what can I

say I love you and bone thugs in harmony see you no it's gorgeous I think we all agree That that was perfect What the singing? Yeah the way you hit the notes The high notes I can do the other part He went into a seizure I think I just bought Thailand

That could be our group Bone Marrow Thugs in Harmony Holidays are fun. All right, who wants that tattoo? Gareth, any tattoos? Would you let me design one for you? No. And, wow, what a night you guys had last night.

We did not know you guys went to war last night. We were all sitting here thinking, what a great evening. But, God, it just sounds like you guys really went through it. We should have just gone to a pub. I don't know why we decided to build our own pub. And then at the end it was like, oh, you guys made heaps of money. It's like we made about 50 cents per beer. I know, and then you walk around this area and you see a lot of poverty,

but I just keep thinking about you guys, and I'm like, man, what did you go through last night? No, no, no. The idea that we're sitting there having fun in a lab... I mean, these guys almost died. How are you venging the dum-dum gods now? He's on our side. You mean Milan?

Yeah. He's the dum-dum devil. The imp. You've been here a couple of days now, Gareth. How have you been spending your time? I have a moped that I keep almost dying on. When he says moped, he means scooter. Scooter, sorry.

Because I thought it was one of the ones that you just kick along and go... Like the Flintstones car? No, you know the little, what kids call... Where I have wheels in my shoes? It's like a... What did you think I had? Walking. Oh, you thought I was walking. No, no, no. I had a thing with a motor. That's what we call it in Sri Lanka. Like, it's like a... What did you think I had? Walking. Oh, you thought I was walking.

No, no, no. I had a thing with a motor. That's what we call it in Sri Lanka. Oh, my God. How is he going so fast? What is walking? Papa? Hear my dad's French.

You've gone like full tourist. You're doing all the... You're on the bike. You're going around to all the sites. You're doing all the bits and pieces. You're getting suits. You're getting suits made. Yeah.

No, I'm getting 35 suits made yeah um you know at you know you walk into a tailor shop and he's like yeah we can have it ready by sunday like that's fucking crazy but you don't realize there's 19 fittings in between he's like all right well see you at 5 30 you're like no i'm not here for suits i actually this is like a side project yeah yeah he's like all right could you come at nine i'm like i'm getting drunk the whole time I don't know if drunk fittings are the right idea you gotta put it in your diary then because you're doing all that and then you're gonna leave the bar and you're gonna go to 11 o'clock to make sure that you get your cufflinks right yeah yeah the public yeah he's like when's the wedding I'm

like there's no wedding yeah no was. It went really well. Are your suits nearly ready now? There's five more fittings, and then we're getting close, is what I'm told. They're handing it to you at the airport itself as you're leaving. Yeah, it's going to be great.

I've had that done. I've had the suit delivered to the airport. It was that close. Really? Yeah. You've been to Thailand before? Yeah.

This is Papa Ninja. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? This is the daddy. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? This is the daddy. He almost died last night for your fucking egg rolls. And you sat there and you didn't suck his dick. Don't anger the God of Thailand. Jesus Christ.

Wow. How many cicadas are going to end up on Tommy's shirt? Man, you know what? I would love if all the Chang promotional stuff blew away. That would be awesome Including you with the shirt You you want you and your mate went for a massage today, yeah, so you call and I yeah We went for a massage on the beach. Hey, I have a question the bloke next to you get jacked off Oh, what did you not hear some weird shit happening? Wait, you were the bloke next to him?

What the fuck are you talking about? Fuck, this is Fight Club all over again. I have to do this with the league. Turns out I was jacking myself the whole time.

You just keep flashing back at the handjobs where it's just you on the beach and people are like, what is he doing? I think that's Tyler Durden. The first rule of Massage Club is not to pull your dick, by the way.

No, but there was something because you were behind me. That's how it always starts. I'm facing the ocean in a set of beds. Actually, it's where you and I went two days ago. Brad dragged me into this. But then behind me was Carl and this other guy. Sure, that's how it goes. Keep going.

I heard three girls laughing, and then they said, no underwear, you want boom boom. What? Did you not hear that? She said what? She said no underwear, you want boom boom. No, no. No, not to me.

I'm assuming either Carl or this other guy. But then you flip over. Wait, hang on. Didn't your wife go home this morning? Did you make boom boom? Did you, Carl? Look, there was one thing that may have been about. Oh, okay.

Because let me tell you this. Because you flip over, right? You get onto your back. Now, first you're on your stomach and then you flip over. And I can see Carl getting massaged. She literally, at one point, I was going to put this on the pod, is massaging your inner thigh and then points at your crotch, and all I see you do is make the small gesture.

Yeah, yeah. No, no, it's too small to get. So discount, right? Because it's really tiny. It's just one inch. How much? So questions. That's taking haggling to the next level.

I'm afraid it's just not as much motion. I'm not going to pay that rate. I really will not. I don't want to bring science into this, but no. Your arm is moving far less with me. I will not pay that rate. It's like taxi fares. If you get a short trip, you don't charge as much.

But there is a flagpole involved. I've got to cop some of that. All right, the floor is yours, Carl. She was massaging my thighs, and I've got chafing scars on there from running flag full involved. You've got to top some of that. All right, the floor is yours, Carl. She was massaging my thighs, and I've got chafing scars on there from running on the beach. And I'm going, what's tie for chafing? I don't know what to say. Yeah, not up and down motion with your hand, wrist.

No, I'm chafed. I'm chafed right now. I'm chafed. No, I was running. I'm chafed. I have chafing. I want to get rid of it. If only there was a happy ending to this story

Chafing I need lotion on it It's what I need It's chafed But you know when you're getting massaged Your mind wanders doesn't it Carl What's happened Is this an intervention

What did you do Papa Ninja I told you this in confidence This is for all the times? I told you this in confidence. This is for all the times I've told you something in confidence and you just bloody bring it up on the podcast without checking. Finally. And I'm in a happy mood as well. I didn't want to do this to you, but it was too tempting. Did you notice how I stopped talking after you told it to me?

I was like, I don't know. I'm going to bring this up later. God, I am rock hard right now. I'm having my own happy ending right here. Is it chafing? Yeah. Oh, there's boom boom alright. Well, maybe I think we'll let him have a breather and bring in a guest for this as well. Oh, we'll dangle it over him like the sword of Damocles. Wait, are we going to a commercial? This feels like we're going to a commercial. We'll be right back. Are we bringing you on the masseuse or what are we doing?

He has a little dick. Alright, let's get our next guest out here. Folks, please welcome Adam Knox! Thank you, Milan. I feel weird coming on and immediately not talking, but I want to hear this story more than I want to be on this podcast. Do you care to speculate about what it could be? This is great I would say wait so the setup is what does where does his mind

go? Well just you know the mind wanders your massage you can't get such a first time. Cause Kyle Chandler usually is someone who is either doing work or just trolling people online and that's two things he can't do when getting massage so this is what happens to him if he's not doing one of those two things like a fucking riddle in the newspaper all right oh am I telling the story no I just wanted you to give okay well this is what basically Carl told me then in that case he goes stop getting this massage right and I'm on my stomach and of nowhere, I just start thinking about this porno I was watching. Who has memories of watching porno?

You know what was a good one? The one that got away. I imagine him on a rocking chair when he's 80 on his porch going, oh yeah, that's one good. You kids and your fuck robots. We used to have to remember porno when I was a boy. I don't want to watch porn. I'm going to watch it one time and then I'm going to remember it forever. It's exploitative.

I made a porno about me watching that porno. This is all brought to you by Chang, by the way. And it also wasn't lost on me that you literally, just before the massage, dropped your wife off at the airport. So, in my head, in the taxi drive on the way here... Were we making that public that she was here? Were we doing that?

But she's gone now, so it doesn't matter. Okay. I mean, she left you permanently. What about the handjob at the massage reminded you of porn? The bassist? The transaction. Yeah, Dilrach is now a member of porn Oh yeah

Cornrows They have cornrows Yeah Do you care to talk us Cornrows Do you care to talk us Through this wonderful Wonderful memory

There was No Which Well then will you I've known you for a while Carl I've never heard you Describe to me A fond memory

Never I've never heard you Reminisce a fond memory. Never. I've never heard you reminisce about something. You live in the moment. Other than Thailand, he'll talk about Thailand. I'm in my happy place right now. Clearly. And you saw what you were earlier as well this morning. What was the porn? What was the activity?

We don't need to go into that. That's fine. It was a guy getting a massage. Imagine. It was... Look, look massage. Imagine. It was... Look, look. I've just heard stories of people being aroused whilst being massaged, and for whatever reason, my mind wandered.

Stories. So have I. My mind wandered, and I started to go, this is going in the wrong direction, as I'm being massaged, and I'm like, wow, I need to start thinking about my grandmother really fucking soon.

Oh, boy. Which, really, and I've got to be more hard, so... What the fuck? What the fuck? No, no, no. No, no, no. Fuck! That could not have been...

What? That's the right music. Webby finally figured out how to do his job. Wow. You think he's been sitting on that for the last one year? No, I've been doing no tech, just waiting for an incest reference. Fucking hell. Remember being jacked off by your grandmother?

I certainly do. I met your grandmother. He had the right tune within 0.5 of a second. He fucking didn't even bring the mics out here for two hours. How the fuck does that work? Imagine if he played Turning Japanese. and even back in turning Japanese na na na na na na na na na anyway so I know it is it took a while squeal grandma so did you actually think of grandma to calm you down yes Wow is that ways and then work and then what happened was

your I did work yeah because I thought where you're gonna say is then your mind was like no oh fuck you we're gonna think. Because I thought what you were going to say is then your mind was like, no, Carl, fuck you. We're going to think about a porno. No. No, no, no. Grandma did the job. Thank you. I don't know if you want to put it that way.

It's called a nan job. Yeah. God bless her. So. That answers the question. Oh, she's dead as well. Yeah. Oh.

Wow. Let's get her on. What a fitting tribute to her. Well, I guess the question on everyone's lips is, how is sperm? What? So what I thought you were going to... Anyway. No, no, no. What did you... No, no, no. There was actually...

It sounds like your mind has wandered, Carl. Well then I pictured Grandpa doing what he did. There was actually another bit to it because when she flipped me over when I was on my front... Oh, she flipped you. When I was on my front, she was like going, oh, and saying something in Thai, and she didn't speak any English, and so I couldn't respond to what was going on.

I was like, oh. And I was like, what? She kept talking about it, and then I realized... I reckon this dude's thinking about his grandma. Why is your deck not hard, man? I think Tommy's struggled a bit with the food here. I'm not struggling, but I'm certainly going to the toilet in a very different way as I'm here. To masturbate, you mean.

For a bit of a one-man gang penance. You can't groan in that because it actually makes no sense. So you can't get offended. So what happened when I flipped over? When I was on my front, she was saying stuff and pointing at me or whatever. And I was like, what's going on? And then I was like, oh, that's right. I was shitting so hard that I just wedged toilet paper up my bum before I came here.

Wait, wait, wait. Carl, Carl, Carl. How are you saying this? How is this being said by you? I find this less offensive than Dil's story. No, you're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. This is way more wholesome than the other stories. You said that as though it was nothing.

Carl, you had a toilet paper tail. Yes. You said that as though I was tying my shoelaces. There are people spewing in the crowd. So I put a tampon in my bottom, as one's ought to do. This is the first time someone has thrown up on a beach in Thailand. Sorbonne in my anus is way better than the idea of me jacking myself up at a famous person. I don't know.

They're kind of both happening at the same time as well I love the idea that she flips you over pulls your pants down and the cum stains and the tissues box from before

is still there on your crotch oh that's there from before that's you doing a bad thing man arse out tissues falling out of it

worst full moon party ever yeah she's just pulling it out like a magician's pocket like how much is in here a chicken she's reading it like a R a magician's pocket. Like, how much is in here? A chicken. She's reading it like a Rorschach's drawing, going, oh, he had the pen. How many are in here?

My bottom's sore. Oh, okay, he's a toddler. Did she say, did you make boom boom instead of... That's reverse boom boom. Nappy go brown brown. Nappy make brown. That reminds me of Nan. How is it if you want to stop shitting, just think of your grandma like a normal person. Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Brown Gavin, if I got diarrhea, can I have them to shove up my ass? Just take the flow?

Oh, man. Oh, man. Who defends themselves with, no, no, no, I had toilet paper up my ass. Everybody. The fact that Dil came into this thinking like. Imagine putting toilet paper near your bum. I know. I know this is a different country.

No, no, no. In. There's a process, though. God. There's a getting rid of process that I think you've forgotten about. Are you a toilet paper hoarder? When you have a bath, do you not use a plug? This is the trauma of the century.

What are you saving your shit for? This is like arguing with Trump. What are you talking about? I have never shat a bath amount. I mean, yeah, your analogy is like, when you take a bath, don't you put a plug in your ass and let the bath drain and run the water the whole time? Oh, I'm crazy. Oh, I'm crazy.

Bring on the rain. Come on, man. This is a plane. I've never wanted a plane so much to crash into here. Quick, nobody get wet. Shove some paper up your ass right now or it'll get wet. This reminds me of the manager who's here who said to me before we started, just be careful because

he's Polish so he said exactly these words. I know that you guys have some strong humour. Nice. I believe this is the definition of strong humour right now. I like how he warned you and you're like, I'll bring up the toilet paper. I'm gonna throw that out there. I love that you thought that that was weird.

So wait, did she know about the toilet paper? Well she was pointing and saying stuff and I didn't understand what she was saying. She's like, did you forget the essential part of the process? I wasn't gonna pull it out. Well, nobody's... No, that'd be strange. What do you do with it then? You pull it out and go, oh wait I hit you. You don't put yourself in the god damn position where a lady's like, why is there paper in your bottom?

I feel like I need to ask a pertinent question at this point. Yeah, I know, I have the same question. Is it still up there now? Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! There is a completely different piece up there that is imagine imagine being a Thai masseuse

on the beach and still going wow that's a shocker you know it's not something we've ever seen today yeah I've been in this business

for 30 years but I've been proven oh my god a little most complete sense to me I don't know what you're laughing at

No wonder your fucking legs are shaped There's toilet paper hanging out between them Yeah because it's not double ply It should be soft You're running across the beach like a plane That has like an advertisement behind it What's he promoting? Oh Chang, Chang Beer

What's he promoting? Oh, Chang. Chang here. Oh, that's interesting. What's he promoting? The opposite of common sense. Oh, he backwards poops. That's interesting. Oh, he does paper then does a movement. That's interesting.

I haven't seen that yet. He's got a time-travelling bottom. He's Thailand's poo joker. Don't do local when you're not local. As in me, I'm not local None of us are local This has absolutely justified the trip We could never have gotten this content back home I said at the start of the podcast I'm so happy I'm here right now

You thought your cornrows were going to be the bottom I was making cornrows as well to be the bottom. There will be no cross making cornrows in the bottom. To be fact, I was making cornrows as well with this toilet paper. Good? I think that's a bit of a full stop. Alright, let's get our next guest out here. Folks, please welcome back in the Little Dun Dun Club, Dave Callan!

Where's your kilt? It's just there. Pick up your tea towel mic. You've got the mic of Ayatollah. You've got a tea towel. You've got a doily around your microphone. You brought extra chairs even though you have a chair. I want to talk about this chair for a bit.

Look at this chair. I've been sitting on this in the green sand pit over there. And this chair, look, it's actually two broken chairs, which you cannot sit on independently, but when you put them together, they somehow work. It's a bit like you two dumb cunts. Yeah, that's it. One's the toilet paper, the other's the eggs.

I love Scottish humour. It was worth the price of bringing me over, wasn't it? Hey, I like the way both Dil and I started with visual jokes on a podcast. Before I go on stage, can I break this chair? I have an idea. He is an agent. Yes. By the way, for those listening at home,

Dil opened with a visual gag. He had some sort of cowboy camouflage burka on, took it off, and you've got cornrows. I just wanted to say you look lovely. I think it's a good look for you. You need a grill. You should get a grill as well, though. I had a grill last night.

Did you? A Dil Rook? A grill Rook? You could look like a black-faced James Franco you should get a grill as well though I had a grill did you a dill rock a grill rock you could you could look like a blackface James Franco from spring-breakers Wow remember the first what can I be brownface oh yeah sure sorry the German guy loving it though so that's good he meant the polish manager getting on real well a little too well thank you i didn't think i was gonna say this but let's get back to the toilet paper up my ass i think the german guy feels comfortable here because you guys have clearly invaded a foreign country he's loving it he's clapping and shit Like the good old days

So thanks for coming Dave Not that we invited you, but thanks for coming I'm just on holiday, this is weird I didn't expect there to be a podcast festival around me Just so everyone knows At no point did we know that Dave Callen Was going to turn up here Literally a couple of hours before he turned up,

the only reason we knew is because Milan, for some reason, couldn't get into his hotel room, and he was looking through the names, trying to find his name, and there's Dave Callum there. And he's like, maybe it's another Dave Callum. Snitches get stitches, Milan. The other tip-off was the restaurant started stacking haggis in their shelves. Hey, that's a Scottish food.

Well, I believe you people call it food. I'm going to check in under a shooting them from now on to foil Milan's plans. Can I get the tea towel off your mic? I just have a problem. Why is it even on? What? Have you thought about your grandmother again? Why is there a tea towel on my microphone? I'm very confused. It's like a kilt. God damn it.

This must be quite the holiday for you. Very relaxing. I met a dumb, dumb listener in the queue for immigration. Owen, very tall fella, you might know him. He asked me a question. He was filling out the immigration form on the way to immigration in the queue for immigration oh and very tall fella you might know him and uh he asked me a question he was filling out the immigration form on the way to immigration in the queue boss move by the way that's how you do it and i do that and yeah of course and and so he he's going to me what's the difference between like a chartered flight and a scheduled flight and i said well this is a scheduled flight because it was at an airport but a chartered flight is uh

when you you book and organize and then i was at an airport, but a chartered flight is when you book and organise. And then I thought, who could actually organise a chartered flight to Thailand? You'd need at least 300 people. Oh, is that the new one? Is that next year, Dum Dum Air? Oh, nice. The chartered flight. Yeah, a pub on the beach was enough trouble for us.

Let's try and get something in the air. Yeah, go in and buy jet fuel 20 minutes before you take off. They're just pouring liquor bottles of fuel into it. We need 900. Hey Costco, do you have wings here? Do you have toilet paper? I only need one sheet, it's okay. But in seriousness though, you've done so many different versions of this, like Opera House, Thailand. Dum-Dum in the Air. Yeah, no, you want to get on that plane.

Oh, it's a Dum-Dum. That'll be good. Milan's the flight attendant. Oh, my God. More shots for the staff. What about Dum-Dum SpaceX? You could, like, do this on Mars or something. On what? Mars.

On a Mars bar, yeah. Well, can I just say, well done, just for organizing this. This is a fantastic thing. Isn't this great? Yeah, thank you. That they did this? That's nice to hear that

from one of our punters that's come along. I am a punter. By the way, one third of the dum-dum people, two thirds of the best people in the world, the other third,

you are dodgy fuckers. One third. So look to your left and look to your right and if they. The other third, you are dodgy fuckers. One third. So look to your left and look to your right and if they're both great, statistically you are. Have you had experience with dodgy dum-dum listeners already?

Oh yeah, one guy came up to me and said hey, do you remember me? And I said no. And he goes I'm a friend of your brother's and when we were all like 14 we ripped a hood ornament off a car and you kicked our ass. Oh! You kicked their ass? Apparently I did don't have no recollection of kicking children's asses really i don't know whether he meant verbally or physically someone ripped i don't think i

would have ripped off a volvo logo and then you just beat the fuck out of someone yeah i think it was a ladder neva that's a bad car. Nobody gets that. One person got that reference. That's the guy you beat the shit out of. He's like, I get that. I get that. I was there. Yeah. By the way, guys,

the word cult gets thrown around a lot. Well, you generally get described slightly differently, but sure. Yeah, well, you're not a cult because it needs a charismatic leader. So definitely, you don't fit all the... You guys can start a cunt. Dave came up with all of this back in

Melbourne and went fuck I'm booking a flight also there's been four applause breaks in this podcast

two to me two to the tech balls in your court listen back that is accurate alright we're

doubling the price of this festival next year unless you fucking stop clapping ass fuck they're happy're doubling the price of this festival next year unless you fucking stop clapping us. Fuck! They're happy to pay the price.

Fine by me. Either that or they're very happy not to come. I looked up the characteristics of the cult. Do you want to hear them? Is toilet paper being misused? I think you'll find toilet paper is a big one. Thinking about your grandmother during a massage. This is always the best part of comedy for me when someone reads out dictionary definitions, but go on. Oh, cult characteristics.

The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader. Sure. We'll go to a place called Mama Ninja's, no problem. Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished. That just happened. Well, to be honest, we're doing stand-up after that Which you all have to watch So, there you go

Oh, here's one Mind-altering practices such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues Denunciation sessions or debilitating work routines Prove it, prove it, prove it, prove it That is basically Milan. Whoa! Shit. Oh, Jesus.

Speak of the devil. Ask and you shall receive. If you ever need a drink, say Milan five times into a mirror. Yeah. The Beetlejuice of booze. Oh! Oh, very brave. He just ice-bucketed himself.

Donate to the ALS, everyone. Yeah, no, honestly, it's time. We need to cure it. I think we have more problems than them. Well, some of us do. Holy shit. Alright. Alright.

Um, I think... I think even Thailand are like, we've got standards. Come on, guys. Because this is how we're gonna get electrocuted in Thailand. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah, this is... Not the wisest. What? Is it? I this is how we're going to get electrocuted. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Not the wisest.

What? Are you trying to say that Milan did a bad thing? That's rare. Is this not wood? I mean, speaking of wood, Carl's up again. You've lost the dog, by the way. Your new listeners fucked off. Not enough street dog content

in this episode, I think. What else? That's always a good sign on a podcast. Let me go to my notebook. Everyone stopped talking so I've got to fucking carry on. I'll get into this because Gareth, now you and I know, we know each

other a little bit through doing this podcast but I feel like I saw you guys make out once. That's true, on stage. Do it again. Do it again feel like yeah that's true on stage yeah someone's jealous so your podcast the dollop is you being read some information like a story that you've never heard before yes and hearing it for the first time. Correct. So I thought what we could do is because, so here's a weird thing that happened. My housemate found an article that he wrote six years ago for a journalism degree that he was studying.

And he said to me, can I do my article on you for this assignment? I'll just call you and talk to you for five minutes. And then to be honest, I can't really be fucked doing much more so is it okay if I just make up some quotes that you said and attribute them to you and then put it out? And I said yeah, great. Who cares? Yeah, great. Great answer right away. He found the article the other

day and sent it to me. He found his own article? Yeah. Like it's really hard nobody likes it. There it is. He's the Sherlock Holmes of Australia. I dug deep. So I thought this would be a good way of you maybe learning a bit more about me. I can't wait. And maybe those of you that do know me a bit well can maybe see which of the quotes have been fucking absolutely made up.

Okay, great. Okay. Laughter really is the best medicine for young Melbourne comic. Nope. Oh, sorry. Is this how your show goes? I don't listen. Me either.

Subscribe and retweet. Tom Alsop, or Tommy Dassolo as he's known to his fans, has a lot to smile about. A burgeoning comedy career, upcoming international tours, and a successful podcast that has grabbed the attention of audiences both locally and overseas. I talked to Tommy for five minutes earlier.

A burgeoning comedy... What does burgeoning mean? Well, this was six years ago. Oh, OK. And where are you now? Still burgeoning. In a holding pattern. Mid-burge. Looking at his list of accomplishments, shining eyes and infectious smile... Whoa!

Over the phone he did this? Right? He did, right? Yeah. Standing there in front of Tommy was unbelievable. He could hear my cheek pressing against the receiver. It's hard to imagine that 17 years ago he was in hospital, hooked up to a myriad of machines and drips, barely hanging on to life with a malicious cancer eating away at his bone marrow.

Wow. At least he didn't have toilet paper in his arse though. Someone tried to grab my bone marrow before, but yeah. Dassolo's childhood was a bizarre mix of the traditional and the quirky. This mix of tradition and manners with creative flair has had continuing effects on his comedy, which never strays into the malicious

or grotesque as many other comedians often do. Oh, this is old. Not my Tommy. The podcast was like a year in at that point. I'm not sure if it was my upbringing, he says, but I've never felt a real need to be particularly rude to be funny. Fuck! Wow.

How the mighty have fallen. How they grow. I'm not against it or anything. In fact, some of my favorite comedians would probably give my mother a heart attack if she heard them. It's just not something that feels natural to me. What is going on? How dare you? Since then, I've become the malicious cancer to comedy that was once in my bone marrow. Oh, now Noxie's got one. Nice. While many of his friends may have grown up and gotten jobs in finance and law,

Dassolo was forced to grow up quickly in 1995 when he was diagnosed with a severe cancer that stops the production of red and white blood cells as well as platelets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that why finance and law mean because you didn't get to learn it? Is that why you keep doing your mum's purse and stuff? Sure, that'll do. Spending months cooped up in a sterile hospital room

is no way for a child to spend what many consider to be the greatest years of their life. He's like, I'm promoting a comedian. I'm going to dip into the cancer as much as possible. But Dasolo is characteristically upbeat about it. You have to stay positive. I managed to get a bone marrow transplant and beat it. I know it's a cliche, but you really do see each day as a gift when you come so close to death. Fuck, now can you make a wish and get him to rewrite this? One of Dasolo's close childhood friends recalls going to visit him in the hospital and expecting to leave bawling his eyes out.

I ended up walking out of his room laughing so much... I ended up walking out of the room laughing so much the nurses thought I was crazy. Tom was just that sort of a guy. Last time someone walked out of a room with you were laughing. It was like Patch Adams was the sick guy. To be fair, if Tommy had cancer in a room, I'd probably walk out laughing too, so... Give me a clap!

Now we're registering. Dave set up the... Jesus. Anyway, any questions? Yeah. When's the cancer coming back? She'll be back. There it is. Yeah! When's the cancer coming back? She'll be back.

There it is. To be fair, I want to point out that round of applause is also for someone in the front row who said she'll be back a second earlier than Carl. Yes! No! No! It did! It did! You can't claim it, I heard it too. It's mine. It's mine. Just like Carl's ass, there's more to this story. A toilet paper in your ears may have blocked you from hearing it. Yeah, yeah. No.

Yeah. That's an anti-random applause for that. Okay. Hey, if I poured my beer onto this... Oh, Dave Cowan's still here. Hello. What a coincidence. If I poured my beer onto this, do you reckon a Saudi national would get drunk

was that was that racist you you were complaining about visual jokes at the start oh yeah now you're fucking Marcel Marceau for some reason you're looking at to start waterboarding the mic Mike. Moxel, Moxel over here. Someone, that joke was so funny someone nearly fell

off the sand. Which is impossible. Hey, this is something I want to... Yeah, this guy gets it. Hey, Carl. I want to clap for you, Carl.

Oh, sorry. You go. I was just going to ask you, I was going to change here and talk about the fact that you booked Nick Capper, comedy's Nick Capper, into a sex swing hotel. I was just going to ask you I was going to change gear and talk about the fact that you booked Nick Capper

comedy's Nick Capper into a sex swing hotel yes yeah you did do you guys know about this they talked about it on the last podcast you were at the same gig

before are you jealous you didn't get booked into a bagpipe hotel Scottish instrument I went there is that your nickname for your dick yes the Scottish instrument no no no that your nickname for dick yes no instrument

no no that's cockness two seconds before that wasn't a full applause break it was like 17 people at the most I think it was like rainfall but still we talked through it it wasn't a break it was like a golf clap a very short pot look i mean you've set up the situation speaking of short pot that's your nickname i hear that's what he told it hey go on noxie what i was gonna ask you is this is your first time essentially overseas to a non-white country it's fucking awesome yeah yeah oh my god i my God, I get it now. They make other races, yeah. Dude, I get why you were always

perving up Thailand's skirt on your webcams, Carl. Yeah. Like, this place is fucking sick. Yeah, you're welcome. It's hard to put toilet paper in your ass in Australia. I have less diarrhea here

than at home, honestly. Really? What's your secret? I had the worst, not even KFC, I had the worst flight on the way. Yeah, and don't worry, I'm here. Fat jokes are back on the menu, boys.

Oh, great. He said menu. Yeah. Menu's a thing that fat people read. Yeah, this place is fucking amazing. So we're all just trying to think of what's a fat pun with amazing in it. That's all. A dim sum.

Close enough. A grazing. A hand glazing. All right, well, that's the end of the podcast. What are the things that you were hoping to do that you've never done? Obviously, you said you wanted to try the jet skiing thing nah I haven't done anything

I've just felt relaxed like honestly I've done nothing and the only interesting things have happened on the flight where like on the flight over some people looked out the window

and went oh I can see a dolphin and there were clouds that's all you can see like you're not a fucking telescope and we should quickly say that this

this is the last Dumb Dumb that Gareth will be doing as part of the Costa Mujer podcast. He'll be back on Monday. Thank you so much for coming out. Thank you. No, truly, thank you very much, everybody. Yes. Okay, I'll stay.

Okay. Yay! I knew that would work. And Carl will pay the difference. No. With all the money you earned from Mama Ninja last night. Yeah. We know where you hide it too, paper boy.

I'm a regular old piggy bank, so. I can't wait for your wife who wasn't here to listen to this. She won't listen to this. All right. Let's wrap it up for another episode of Little Diamond Club. Give a big round of applause to Dave Callen. Sweaty crap. Adam Knox.

Big poo. Gareth Reynolds. Dear Wook Jai Singer. Give it up for these two guys, Tommy Dassler and Carl Chandler. Shut up. You're not the host of this show. Shut the fuck up. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mate. We'll see you next time. See you, mate. And we are back for another edition of Talking Dumb Dumb. Kyle, do you know how do the Thai say they've done it again? Oh, that's a great question. We should have worked that out. Yeah. All right.

You take over and I will find that out right now. You're going to hop onto Babblefish and work it out. Oh, this is great. Yep. Okay. Do you use Babblefish or do you and work it out. Oh, this is great. Yep. Okay. Do you use Babblefish or do you use Google Translate? Google Translate. Okay, right.

Well, we're going to find that out. I was going to say maybe we could have just, you know, held off a year and found out if we happen to go back in 2019. Who knows? No way. Okay. Now, I believe… It's pretty hard to commentate someone just typing on a keyboard.

Yeah, it's, look, I've got no chance of doing this, but I believe it's phonetically what I've got in front of me is F-K-D-T-A-M-A-N-Z-I-G-C-R-A-N-G. Is that Jamaican? You sounded Rastafarian in the middle there. Well, that's what it said. It's the way it comes out. You've been there enough.

You should be able to affect the lingo a bit better. But I think that's appropriate because there's a lot of reggae being played over there. So it's a bit Thai, a bit reggae. Yeah, true. Anyway, that's not a thing that I will say again until we get there again and then I will ask how you actually say it. There's a lot of parts of Vietnam and stuff where the architecture is very French

because they were colonised and whatever. Is there a hidden bit of history where Thailand was colonised by the Jamaicans? There's so many reggae bars. I'm very bad with geography and history. I would love to find out that that was the case. I think it's just because the Thai are so laid back and they're on the beach.

They're like, we were going to make our own laid back and they're on the beach, they're like, we were going to make our own laid back music but fucking someone already did it for us, so we'll just do this. See, the Fijians, that's their culture. They sit on the beach just hanging out, but they've got their own kind of music and it's wonderful. I'm sure there is Thai beach music. What's wrong

with The Best of Bob Marley? Nothing. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I'd like to have a bit more of an authentic Thai experience. Right. You know, I'd like them to put their own stamp on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I like, to be honest, I like the Thai version of everyone else's music.

Oh, really? Yeah. I like a bit of going through the market and hearing the Thai Rolling Stones. Have a crack at that. I do like you get in a cab and they've got the local radio station on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, what the fuck is this? By the way, you know, I got a cab from the ferry to the Koh Samui airport when I was leaving. Yep. And is there a radio station in Koh Samui? That's a good question. I'm not sure. We really should have tried to get in there and do a takeover.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just do an hour on the air, play the songs, play the ads and whatever else. God, that would a takeover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just do an hour on the air, play the songs, play the ads and whatever else. God, that would have been good. Yeah. Again, something to look into if God willing we ever decide to go back. I'd like you to maybe think back to the time we spent in Koh Samui and just have a bit of a quick search in your brain for all that spare time

where we weren't doing things. Well, I mean, I got sick. I actually didn't talk about it on the show. I had like a maybe half day worth of food poisoning, which kind of wiped me out. So if I just don't get sick again, there's half a day open up right there. Okay. You know, if I just take out the time I was on the shitter,

what the fuck are you doing? Listening to Samui Island radio. Oh, really? Yeah. Hang on. Here we go. Oh, really? Yeah. Hang on. Here we go. No, hold it up again. Yeah, there you go.

You can stuff. Guess what? You can make requests on here as well. Wow. Request some Bob Marley. Yeah, yes. I will try and do that right now right so is this going to be the new thing the new webcam for you oh maybe the radio that's good oh fuck man we've been look you've you've hit the nail on the head this has been a grave mistake turn that shit off the dj's oh really, get him on. Even become a qualified diver.

The Dive Academy Samui, a five-star paddy dive training centre. Keep playing it. We can get money from these guys. There's a thing on the main page that says, become a DJ. If you are interested in becoming a DJ with us and would like to know how to get free airtime, please email us at talent at samuiislandradio.com. Oh, my God. Well, we've got to – I mean, if we do this again,

we've got to go over a week early. We've got to see if we can go over a week early and get a week's job on this station. We need to hit the campaign. We need to hit the junket. No, this is what we do. So, you know what? We've been worrying.

We've just got back. I know people at home are listening to these episodes as they come out. There's still another live episode to come out it's a confusing timeline for people yeah yes so uh there's one next week but at the moment we are back home uh we're back in melbourne now we got back and we thought we've had such a great time what if we were to go back again yes we've got to think of new things that we can do stuff like that well here's one straight away we've got to get in we've got to become a dj and then we've got to do a bit of OB do an outside broadcast oh an outside broadcast

or I like the idea that we go over there and we I mean I'm saying we don't tell people this but we're broadcasting it now so it's too late

but the idea that like people come over thinking they're going to be watching live podcasts every night nah we're just on the radio at 6pm

so you sit in your hotel room and you tune in you get that little clock radio next to your bed and people just listen and they don't even have to go outside. Now that's good. Let's do this. If we go next time, right. So we do our live podcast.

That's all well and good. But you know what podcasts are. It's just us. We've got our mates on. We talk for an hour. We've got our own thing going on. We go back. I've really got to turn this station off. Yeah, turn it off. We go back next time and we do all that stuff, but we do a proper outside broadcast for Samui Island Radio,

Tommy and Carl in the morning or whatever it is. No, I'm not getting up in the morning. I'm not doing breakfast radio over there. Yeah, but we don't get paid as much. You get that sweet cash. You don't get as much cash when you do nights. You get a sweet 20,000 baht per year. You need to be breakfast so that people in the tuk-tuks

will listen to you on the way to work. Dropping their kids off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. What's the weirdest place you've ever had Pad Thai? Yes. Where's the weirdest place you've ever got jerked off by a massage parlor? Jerked off by a massage parlor?

Yes, yes. The whole parlor is getting in on the act. Yes. So, sorry, I don't speak. I yes so um sorry i don't speak i'm from thailand i don't speak proper english so well actually that just then that ad that was in english because i was thinking they'll never have us in because we don't speak thai no but they speak that that guy's speaking english on the ad we'll be fine yeah yeah totally well everything on the website's in english so so we go there we do we do the podcast but then we do what we think it's

this is like a showreel that we can bring back home to try it for the big radio stations here right we can say we've done breakfast or whatever on samui island radio if you're not familiar with the radio industry in australia typically how it works and has worked for a long time is they'll kind of send people out to ballard like do a year of radio in rural stations yeah rural stations get your chops up there and then you're ready for the big city. So you're saying we do that. Yeah. But we're doing it in Coastal.

Yes. And maybe we get a deal with, you know, some sort of like a bar or whatever where we can say to them, look, we'll be doing a live outside broadcast there. We'll get some banners up with Samui Island Radio. A few giveaways maybe. Oh, yeah. We get to play songs. Yeah.

We don't have to talk for an hour. We can just talk for three minutes and do some relatable Koh Samui gear. Yeah. And then play a song, come back, do a few live ads maybe for businesses around the area. And what's the secret? And, Caller, you're on the line. What do you think the secret sound is?

Yeah. Is it the sound of a roll of toilet paper being wedged up someone's anus? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. How did you pick that? Wow. Man, this is great. I'm excited. You have won a thousand baht voucher to Mr. Crab.

Yeah. Fuck, I'm so – only 51 weeks to go. I'm excited about this. This is actually very disappointing that we've thought of this now. This is so good. Oh. Fuck. All right.

Is it too ridiculous to have two 2018 kosa movie festivals in one year yeah let's just go back in november fuck let's like genuinely what if we just went back and just did radio over there for a week what if we go seriously what if we go back and do the kosa movie international fringe podcast festival in november yeah so so that's where we do this live. Yeah. We don't do Dumb Dumb Live. We do Talking Dumb Dumb Live. Right.

Because this is the weird sort of artsy version of the actual podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, look, that's in the chamber now. Let's stew on this. Let's have a bit of a think. We honestly should just before the end of the year. I know we're both excited. But let's –

Before the end of the year, let's just go to Samui and work at this radio station for one week. I'm serious. But we need people to appreciate this. If we go there with the rest of the festival goers and stuff, we can look like big shots.

If we're there a week and we're already doing an outside broadcast and people can't even fit in the pub or fit wherever we are, that's impressive. If we're there a week and we're already doing an outside broadcast and people can't even fit in the pub or fit wherever we are, that's impressive. If we just go there by ourselves, no one gives a fuck. No, but I'm saying we go there by ourselves to get – we kind of build the heat. You know what I mean?

We go there on a recce. So we just kind of – just for the locals, we're like, who are these guys? So then we go back months later and there's a bit of heat. Look, no, I think – This is like when they start a new radio station before ratings have kicked in. Right.

You know, they give them a chance to kind of find their feet before all the eyes are on them. No, but that's what we should do. Like we went a week early this year. We sort of did our own thing. I think you're right what you said before. We go a bit early. We do – we practice a bit. Maybe we even say to the station, oh, it's our first time doing this.

And then one week later, it's like fucking Beatlemania on Koh Samui. Oh, this is too good. That's exciting. This is too fucking good. All right. All right. That's good. I'll get on to that.

I'll get on to that. So anyway, talking about the episode that we've just done then, have we got any – do we need to be talking about anything else? You've heard a bit of sound effects. There was a bit of a change in the weather. So you've heard all about that. Yeah, the surprise of Dave Callen coming over was very interesting. I think this show that we just did then,

I think we then did the Big Coast Samui International Podcast Festival Comedy Gala. We did, yeah. Straight after that. And there's a couple of things to talk about with that that happened because I don't think we ever talked about – we didn't talk about the gala on any episodes that we did. There would have been no point because we would have just been

describing something to people that they'd just seen. That already seen, yep. So I got in my head because we were doing that gig on the beach, I got in my head that it would be funny. So it was like – by the way, it was like our version of the comedy gala that goes on TV in Australia where we all get up and do five minutes or whatever it is. Yeah. We were meant to do five minutes.

Well, yeah. Hey, Dave Cullen. So everyone did stand up on the beach in the dark with the lights on. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. And to streamline it, we basically just said, like, when you're on, we won't have an MC, just bring on the person after you.

Yep. So I had to go around and tell everyone just remember this person's name at the end of your set yep knowing full well that there's no way these fucking idiots are going to be able to remember one name yeah that's not their own yes they self-obsessed fucking yes fuckwits but yeah so i'm watching the show i was on near i guess like just't know, halfway, just after halfway through the gig. And I got in my head that it would be funny to enter the stage from in the ocean. Because as this episode that you just listened to, we're doing it all on the beach.

So we did the stand-up on the beach as well. So you've got all the people in the sand sitting on seats in front of us. You've got the resort on one side. You've got the ocean on the other side. Yeah, so the whole set-up is running lengthways along the beach. Yep. So I take my shirt off,

I walk around behind where the audience is because I didn't want anyone to be able to see me. It's pitch black by this point. Yep. I get into the water, I kind of slowly make my way... I had to go out pretty deep so people wouldn't see me. Yep.

I kind of slowly make my way along to where i'm near the stage now becky lucas is on yep she's meant to bring me on yep she gets to the end of her set and goes oh fuck who am i bringing on no one i'm the only one who knows yes she's because i'm side of stage as well going the only person that knows is tommy and he's not here anymore so and also i'm thinking even if she does remember that it's me she's going to look for me not be able to see me and go oh he's fucked it he's in the toilet for me, not be able to see me and go, oh, he's fucked it, he's in the toilet or something. So I'm in the water.

By the way, I've been in there like 10 minutes. I'm freezing. Right. So I'm sitting there and so she just brings on Dilruk. Yep. She literally looks at the stage and goes, who would be really keen to get on next? Of course Dilruk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he gets on and then I go, well, I'm not waiting here for another 10 minutes. Like, you know, I don't know. I'm probably never. So I then just, because my thinking was she'll announce me. I'll run up from the water across the sand. It'll be a very funny intro. I'll just do one bit and then I'll fuck off.

So I end up just doing that, grabbing the mic off Dil and going, it was me. It was meant to be fucking me. I've been in the water for 10 minutes. Yep. And then that was funny enough and then I just didn't do any – that was my whole set. I didn't do any material. I just went straight to get a towel to get clothes on because I was fucking freezing. So, look, great idea in theory.

In practice, look, went pretty well, all things considered. And shout out to all the people from overseas that thought they were going to see us do proper stand-up and got to see Tommy run out of the ocean and stop Dill doing comedy and then not do any comedy himself. Well, you know, a few sticky feet there and we thought we had a curfew, so I wanted to take one for the team, play ball.

We did tell everyone to do three minutes and let's just say that three minutes means something different in Scottish, I believe. Anyway, look, the best laid plans. three minutes and let's just say that three minutes means something different in Scottish I believe. So, yeah. Anyway, look, the best laid plans. Then Nick Capper did his routine and you were behind the stage with a microphone and you cut him off after one joke. Yeah. I cut him off after a very out of context piece of material and he looked quite silly.

So, yeah. That was one of the highlights of the festival. A great time. A great time had by all. Yep. So, yeah, that's a bit where we are up to within the festival there. So, yeah, and a big thanks to everyone who came along. It was a fucking fantastic time, obviously,

and we had an absolute ball. And, yeah, we're back, baby. We're back in the country. Yeah, we're back and, you know, like we did last year, I think after the end of last year, everyone was oh you're gonna do it again i'm like oh we've got no plans to do it again you know not that we didn't enjoy it but we didn't dream that anyone else would want to do it again well i think the turnaround time for this one has been a lot quicker yep like i feel like last time we got home and it took us a couple of months to sort of be

like i guess we could do it again yeah this time we were talking about it before we'd even finished this one. Look, let's still take a little time to figure it all out. But look, we're very keen to do it again. We've got to go away and dream it all up again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. So let's talk about that later in the year. Let's figure it out.

I'll tell you what, the people at the beautiful Ozo Chewing Beach Resort were fucking contracting pen in hand. Oh, really? So they were absolutely busting, which is, gee, very weird considering they were making absolutely tens of thousands of dollars out of this thing. That is strange.

Yeah. And yeah, big thank you once again to everyone who came and for being so cool. The vibe was great. Lots of fun times had. Lots of new friendships made. I made a couple of new friends over there. Oh, did you?

Yeah. Do you want to give a shout-out to your new friends? Why? Because they're your friends. And so you like your friends and you would like to, you know, be proud of your friendship and give them a shout-out on the show. But you don't have to. If you don't like them that much, that's fine.

Nick Capper. Oh, nice. You never met him before? We were enemies. We were sworn enemies. And now we're friends. I did really have to fight to get him on. You're right.

Yeah. Yeah, no, it was lovely. I hope a lot of other people made friends as well. It did seem the case. Yeah, totally. And hey, a little reminder to myself as much as to anyone else. Anywhere that you ate or went on this trip that you particularly enjoyed, get on the Trip Advisors and all that sort of stuff and leave a review. I'm very bad with that kind of stuff, with leaving reviews,

and it is something that I do follow quite religiously when I'm away. Right. So it is stupid that I would not contribute to the pool of something that I take advantage of. I was just reviewing Butter Now or Go. Mm. So, already started. A restaurant called Butter Now or Go.

Yeah. Butter. Butter Chicken and Now or Go. Butter. It's a great Indian restaurant. Butter. Yeah. Now or Go. Now or Go.aurigo. It's a great Indian restaurant. Butter? Yeah. Naurigo.

If your last name's Naurigo, don't call your kid Butter. But I agree. Get on that. I'm a demon on it, so I love to give my thanks back. And there's quite a few restaurants that just have a review from me once a year. I really do. I go back there and copped that a lot in Copenhagen when we went there after these episodes. Copped a lot of people recognising me and stuff like that.

Yep. Nick Capper took us to a place called Mama Schnitzel. Right. Which was very good, that he used to frequent a lot when he was a reggae tour boat guy. And, man, a delicious schnitzel in a nice soft bread roll with all the trimmings on top. Simple but real good stuff. Great. Well, hey, what we said at the top of the show was we had a few little things to say

at the end about things coming up. So if you're listening to this straight away, if you're not one of these people that are binging five years from now and we're both dead in a Thailand-related suicide pact. I've meant to go back to an episode from like three years ago and just listen to how annoying the ads are. Yeah. The stuff that's long gone. Well, we'll just make it quick. We're meant to go back to an episode from like three years ago and just listen to how annoying the ads are. Yeah. The stuff that's long gone. Well, we'll just make it quick.

We're going to do a live stream on our Facebook page. So if you're a fan of us on the socials, get onto it. If you're not, sign up. We are going to be doing a live broadcast commentary, I guess, of the Australian TV Awards, the Logies, this coming Sunday, which is the 1st of July. So look at your local TV guides whenever it's on in the eastern states in particular. It doesn't make a difference when it's on.

Well, it does. We're not going to sync it up with Perth. No, no, no. We're not going to do a second one three hours behind. No, no, no. I know. But when – have a look at – yeah, I don't know. We'll put the time out on the day. It'll be like – I think the red carpet starts at 7. No, no, no, I know, but when have a look at yeah, I don't know. We'll put the time out on the day. It'll be like, I think the red carpet starts at

7.30, so we'll probably do it at like 8 or something, right? Yeah, something like that. Or maybe we'll just get some steam, 7.30, 8, get onto the Facebook in advance and check the time. Yeah, yeah, we'll have a little promotional stuff on all the social media on the way along this week, so what we're doing it for the aim of is the, we

have a bunch of friends at the show that come on the show and we're rooting for them. But in particular, one of our, I guess, homegrown friends of the show, Derek Jai Singer. Grant Daniel. No, he's barely grown. So Derek Jai Singer is going to be on the red carpet. He's up for the best new talent, as we talked about last week on the show. So he is a chance to win an actual award. So we're going

to, you know, we want to be part of it. We want you guys to be part of it. We want to capture the moment where he wins or loses. Preferable if he loses. Yeah, that would be fun. For the vibe of this show, let's be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he wins, we should just like shut the laptop immediately, live stream over.

So a lot of people have been saying this on the socials already. They're getting onto the Logies. If you want to vote for it, you know, feel free. You know, we all know it's a bit of a waste of time but sure, get onto it.

Get onto it. But vote for all the people that have got anything to do with us. Hey, if Trump can win. Yeah. Yeah, if Trump can win, another diabolical

fucking person that's going to end the world like Derek Jai Singer. Big fat idiot. Another weirdly coloured person. Dirk Dreisinger, or as I've always called him, Brown Trump. Oh, yuck. Good lord.

Imagine squeezing out a Brown Trump. Yeah, so his appetite is huge. Yeah. Yeah, so that's going to be heaps of fun. Should we talk about what our original idea was? Yeah, I guess. We had this, like a lot of, like most things that happen on this show, it was the result of a little riff around the lunch table.

I believe we were at a place called, was it at the Double Duke at Copenhagen? It may have been, yeah, which is a great place. If you're ever in downtown Copenhagen on Salad Beach. We were talking about wouldn't it be funny if we did this, which then quickly morphed into like, hey, let's try and actually do this. We were going to go to the Gold Coast where the Logies are this Sunday. We were going to do a live one of these immediately following the Logies and it was going to be a Dilwook Jaisingha victory slash commiseration party.

Yep. And, yeah, we had a venue ready to go. It was all looking good. But it's too hard to predict when the ceremony will end and they close all the roads down near there. So there's no way of Dil getting there quickly. Flights are expensive. Flights are expensive. Flights are expensive.

Yeah, and we don't know how long the whole thing's going to go for, but mainly Dill was like, yeah, might not be able to make it. Like, well, that'd be a good show. Yeah, we were all revved up. We really thought it was going to be a possibility, and it would have been fun, but no way of making it work. And we also tried to get media accreditation so we could get on the red carpet, and they said no. fun, but no way of making it work. And we also tried to get media accreditation so we could get on the red carpet and they said no.

Yes, surprisingly enough. I hope Koh Samui FM show a little more goddamn respect. I mean, that's what we should have pitched. Like, once we've worked on that station, I wonder what kind of doors that's going to open for us. Yeah, yeah. So get on that, get on the socials, have a look at that. That's coming up.

That'll be a lot of fun if you're hearing this straight away. And we, you know, look, maybe we'll make that announcement during that live show. We're going to do another live show as well coming up. We generally, we have all the big live podcasts in Melbourne during April and then we might do like a, in the last couple of years, we've done these big, big shows outside of that. So we're going to do one of those big, big ones. Like the last two years we've had 400, 500 people in these big, big shows.

We had the Moon versus June one. We had like a 300th episode I think. So we've got a big plan for a big, big show later in the year. That will be potentially going on sale when we hit the broadcast button of our live stream. Yes. It's a big, big live show for Melbourne for the rest of the year. Yeah.

We're hoping to get, you know, 500 people too. So it's a novel little idea. It's going to be a lot of fun. Yeah. So look out for that. Lots of good shit planned for that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

We've been banging on a lot for this episode of Talking Dumb Dumb. Well, we haven't seen each other for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good to catch up. All right. We've been banging on a lot for this episode of Talking Dum Dum. Well, we haven't seen each other for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good to catch up. All right, let's get cracking into the bit where we thank all the Patreon subscribers for chucking in money, for chucking in a bit of coin to swell our coffers, to thank us for doing this show, to keep the lights on. Now, oh, look, a quick little side note.

People that have jumped on board Now, oh, look, a quick little side note. People that have jumped on board of that service, you'll be getting some extra Koh Samui International Podcast Festival content. Please don't be upset if you're getting it a little bit late.

We're putting it together as we speak. Oh, yeah, so that roadshow gig that we did in Copenhagen, that's the bonus episode for,

well, this month, anyway, whatever month we're in right now. That'll be going out soon. And, oh boy. Man, that was a hot one. We will not be responding to complaints from that episode.

I think it speaks for itself. Yeah, I mean, a great endorsement for being on the Patreon. Because if we put that out on the regular feed, I think we'd get in quite a lot of trouble. I really don't know. I don't know what sort of trouble. I don't know at this point. Yeah, I don't know anymore. I don't know if we can do

anything wrong anymore. I think we've done everything. Oh, God. Touch wood. Well, this is the test. Let's not tempt fate. This is the test. This episode is the test.

So, yeah. But, yeah, a lot of fun. A very raucous night at the Jam Bar which was in a little field in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. We stayed in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. We stayed in the hotel next door to it and we still couldn't find it.

It was just so unmarked. It was incredible. But then when it's night time, they put the lights on, you go, oh, this joint is fucking great. Yeah, and then there was like a band that was playing after us. So we were just in this jungle, literally nothing else around us, with lights on. It was like a Mumford & Sons music video.

Yeah. Like a whole bunch of people hoeing down in a field. Well, let's crack into the Patreon read. So we thank everyone. And we also send out content like the aforementioned bonus episode that people are getting for this month. We do a magazine. In particular, people that signed up in time for the Coastal Movie International

Podcast, so we're going to get some video stuff that we're slowly collating. But, on top of all that, we read out some people's names to say thank you individually. So let's fire up the old

unplanned title alternatorator of course it made it back through customs and everything no no I never took it yeah you did we had it on stage oh no you bought a Thai version

I bought the Thai version god this thing's worth so much I wouldn't drag that through if you pay for the Patreon you get to hear the Thai version of the unplanned title alternative that has voice recognition technology. And don't worry, it's a lot less racist than that sentence sounds. It's fine.

That's not the thing we're getting in trouble for. Less racist, but still very offensive. Yes, yes. So, all right, let's crack in quick. Let's try and make this. Let's do these. Yep. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Brad Holland.

Holland. Yeah. Hollandaise sauce. Yes. Love Hollandaise sauce. I do too. I just bought a jar today. Yep.

Yeah. You have that brand that you really like that I'm not too crash hot on. Yes. It's, look, Brad Holland. I'd rather Brad Thailand, but that's just me. That's just me. Yeah, well, I'd rather Brad Japan. Oh, yeah. Brad Needlelands. What about that? Yep. Yep. You'd rather Brad Need, but that's just me. That's just me. Yeah, well, I'd rather bread Japan. Oh, yeah?

Bread Netherlands? What about that? Yep, yep. You'd rather bread Netherlands than bread Holland? What is the fucking deal with Holland and Netherlands? Why has it got to be two things? Yeah, I have no idea. Holland or...

Why is there a need? Because it's both like... Why is there a need? Yeah, well, that's it. If anyone's got an answer to that, I'd like to know the answer. I'd love to see you up in front of the UN. Let's fucking deal with this, guys. What's the point?

I like how I'm like, just someone tell me. I was quite happy to Google Samui Radio for myself and figure that one out for myself, but I need someone else to physically tell me why there's... This one's not worth the effort. Why is there Holland in their lives? Maybe Brad knows. He should.

He should. He should know his name. Exactly. If anyone's going to know. My name was Holland. I'd look into it. At the very least, yeah. I'd make it worth my while.

Yeah. Brad Holland. Well, thanks, Brad. Thanks, Bradley. I was going to say, what's the currency of Holland? But it's all euros now, isn't it? Probably, yeah. What did it used to be?

It used to be, I don't know, just marijuana. I'm so bad with my geography, that part of the world. I don't know jack shit about anything. Yeah, I've never been to Holland. You know, I'm a bit cool. I don't reckon I ever will. Yeah, me too. Mate, if anyone listening knows a really good reason to go to Holland.

Well, I think it's a pretty obvious thing. What? We go there to, you know, legally do like drugs and shit. Oh, really? Yeah, man. Is that the reason to go? Yeah. What's your favourite drug?

Life. Isn't that an actual quote from you when you were like 19 or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quoting yourself from like 20 years ago yeah yeah the worst that was an old episode but yeah i don't need it was something like i don't need no but i never yeah anyway look i'm high on life yeah i never yeah it was sport is my drug yeah something like that yeah my high or something fucking lame something the worst something that should be in some sort of fucking cartoon at 3.30 in the afternoon.

Yuck. Thanks, Brad. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jonathan Elliott. Familiar name? Yeah. I believe he may have been to Samui. Interesting. Are you interested in that?

I am interested. Can you look it up? Obviously, that's not one of your new friends that you made. This is the... We should say this happened last year. This is the worst bit of running this thing is that we're, you know, we're around people at this resort and then, you know, they'll come into a gig where they've bought a ticket

and one of us is working the door and you have to ask the name and you just see the disappointed look on their faces of like, I was on holiday with you. It's rough. Yeah. But, you know, we had a lot... Anyway, I was on holiday with you. It's rough. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, we had a lot. Anyway.

We had a lot of people there. Jonathan was definitely there. Combination of we had a lot of people there and we're also, I think, quite bad with people's names. I definitely am. I don't know about you. I'm the worst. I absolutely am.

Yeah. Yeah. No, well, Jonathan definitely was there. I believe he's a two-timer. Ah. Yeah. And he also has been to the – Makes it even worse that we don't. I believe he's also been totimer. Ah. Yeah. Makes it even worse that we don't.

I believe he's also been to the podcast festival twice as well. What? I called him a two-timer. It's a joke. Oh, I get it. I get it. I haven't caught up to the – I'm still jet-lagged. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I haven't caught up to this ribald Australian sense of humour yet. You're still into the Thai sense of humour, which is what? Slipping over on pad thais? People dying when a coconut falls on their head. Right. It's good shit. Go on. Just calling back to something that got said in a pool

that we were in in Copenhagen. Oh, man. Yeah. God. Shout out to anyone. Shout out to the few listeners that heard us in a pool being extremely inappropriate and probably the worst people they've ever met. There are about four listeners now who are in the absolute upper echelon

of podcast listeners where they've heard what we're really like. I think there were four listeners in the pool. This is after the roadshow gig. I think they can officially blackmail us into doing whatever now. Yes, yes. After the roadshow gig in Copenhagen, it was like all of us back in the pool at the place we were staying, we were all really, really drunk.

I don't think any of us had had dinner. We were all fucked. Trying to maybe do an impersonation of the worst human beings that have ever existed on this planet. Yes. Nick Cap is just doing what comes naturally. Yes. And all of us just trying to…

We were just following the leader. Yeah. We were just following orders. Yeah. No, actually, now you say that, yeah, we didn't have dinner, did we? No. Is that what happened? No, I tried to get them to…

I tried to ask if we could get some food delivered to the bar. Yep. And they said, go for your life. I then found out that all the restaurants nearby were closed. Yep. So I got Nick Carterhop on a motorbike and Brett Blake and go and get chips from the 7-Eleven. Yeah.

But wouldn't you know it, they don't really, I mean, you can't, if you've already, you know, been hitting the drinks pretty hard, just some potato chips aren't going to, they're not going to fill the void. They do nothing. Also, good of us to send very drunk people to go and get those things on a scooter. Yes. Thanks, Jonathan.

Thanks, Johnny. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Jimmy Evans. Jimmy Evans. Jimmy. Yeah, Jimmy Evans. It's interesting. So you think he's James and he's just gone, going with Jimmy. Yeah, Jimmy Evans It's interesting So do you think he's James And he's just gone

Going with Jimmy Yeah Jimmy's cool I've got a good friend of mine That listens to the show That personally goes with the name Jamie I Only call him Jimmy

Is that the Jimmy I Yes Well now I call him Jimmy too Because I thought that's what he wanted Yeah yeah No he calls himself Jamie I didn't know that. Yeah.

To me, it's like Jimmy. I'm forcing a better name on him. I don't think there's heaps of other people that call him Jimmy, really. I think he introduced himself. Oh, I feel bad. I'm going to start calling him Jamie from now on. No, don't do that. No, that's what he wants.

I know, but you're making him cooler. Does he actually listen to this? I didn't know that. He does. Okay. Yeah. He's gotten into it. I think he's sort of gotten into it recently.

Right. Yeah. He came to... I was trying to convince him to come to Samui. He came to dinner with a bunch of us the other week.

Yes. On Victoria Street. Yeah. He came to... So a very... I think everyone else at dinner was sort of guests of the show,

really. Yeah. So he got his own... Who was there? Let's go through it. It was us, Harley Breen, Luke McGregor,

Oliver Clarke, Brett Blake. Yes. Was that it? I feel like there were one or two others. One or two others, I think. Yeah. It was a good time.

It was a good night. We did, well. It was a good ass time. I feel like we've got so much content to talk about. I'll skip through it. But we realised my dream I've been trying to make happen for a few years. The dumbest dream of all time. But it was a great night.

It was a great night. It's a dumb dream. Yeah. When people do pub crawls and they go through pubs, my dream was to do a restaurant crawl. So we just went down Victoria Street in Melbourne and just went to different BYO restaurants and went in and just got minimal food.

Yes. But like had a slab on our shoulders walking down and just grabbing beers and getting drunk in different people's restaurants and having 12 people walk in and the restauranteur is going, awesome, we're going to make a bit of money here. No, we brought our own drinks and we'll have three spring rolls, please. Yes, and now the two most obvious flaws in this, which were very quickly realised,

a pain in the ass to split the bill between 12 of you when you're just having a plate of spring rolls, a very weird way to eat a meal because people are jumping ahead and getting a bit more and whatever else. And then we go to two places and all of a sudden it's like all the restaurants are closing in the next 15 minutes so we've got to just like pick somewhere now and eat there and then that'd be it.

But it was still fun. It was good. It was a good night. Thanks, Jimmy. Thanks, Jimmy. For reminding me of that. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Gus Pruden. I know this name.

This is a big-time repeat offender. It's a socials. It's a socials name, isn't it? He's not being very prudent with his money by giving it to a podcast, but thank you anyway, Gus. He's being prudent with his first name. Yeah, you're right. Three letters.

Do you reckon he's Angus? He must be an Angus. I guess. Is that the only way Gus exists? Do you reckon he's Angus? He must be an Angus. I guess. Is that the only way Gus exists? Do you reckon he's just shortened it because he does a lot of ten-pin bowling and also playing Donkey Kong? You need to get that three-letter name, dude. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get that high score chart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom's a good one for that. I'm set. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I've got to go. What do you do?

What do I do? KRL? You just chop the A out? No, I just make something up. Yeah. Like what? D-I-K. Nice. Something cool. Nice. Something cool. KRL you just chop the A out no I just make something up yeah like what DIK nice something cool

nice something cool just so people know not to fuck with me in the lanes I'm not scared to swear electronically yep

so yeah I'm a pretty big deal down at Strike mm-hmm mm will that do thanks Gus thanks Gus

that's plenty yep this episode's way too long already I know alright Will that do? Thanks, Gus. Thanks, Gus. That's plenty. Yeah. This episode's way too long already. I know. All right. Speaking of too long, let's just finish it now. Let's do another quick one. Speaking of too long and dick.

Yes. Let's do one more. Okay. Just this week. However many that is. Let's just cut it short. Instead of doing however many we usually do, we'll do this number instead. Yep.

I agree. So, thank you to... Oh, okay. What? Oh, no. It's just sort of slightly appropriate given a lot of what we've been talking about today. But anyway, coincidence.

And also, some of it... Have we done this before? Just read it. There's no need to give all the backstory before. I haven't heard it yet, so just say it. Sorry. Sorry. I'm guilty of doing that once. Sorry. There's no need to give all the backstory before. I haven't heard it yet, so just say it. Sorry. Sorry. I'm guilty of doing that once.

Sorry. I'll cut it out for next week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Forgive me if I'm not pronouncing this correctly, but thank you to Patreon subscriber Copkin Carmody. Cop? Coppin Carmody. Coppin.

Coppin Carmody. Coppin Carmody. Yeah. Is this and Carmody. Cop and Carmody. Yeah. Is this the first Carmody that we've ever had subscribe? Because we get a lot of the comedy family subscribing. But in terms of Carmody... Yeah. Well, it might be sort of...

Spell that out for us. K-O-P-K-U-N-K-A-R-M-E-D-Y. Cop and... Cop and Carmody. Cop and Carmody. Yeah. Huh. It's... Cop and Carmody. Cop and Carmody. Yeah. Huh. I have a feeling they may have subscribed this time last year.

Really? Fuck, I hope not. I don't believe so. I'd be surprised if that weren't the case. No, I just did a search on my records and I think this is someone who has... Okay. Yeah. All right.

Maybe the spelling was slightly different or something. Maybe. Maybe. It loosely translates, I believe, into thank who has... Okay. Yeah. All right. Maybe the spelling was slightly different or something. Maybe. It loosely translates, I believe, into thank you comedy. Yes. Okay. Well, we were talking about that last week. Yeah. Saying, what was it?

Saying thank you for everything. Yeah, we had... Thank you was a greeting. Soity Comedy was subscribed last week. Right. Yeah. Which was nice of them. So it seems like we're picking up some Thai listeners off

going to Koh Samui which is great they must have just seen us walking down the street seen the t-shirts heard all the buzz and you know think of how many more we're going to have once we get that sweet radio station gig next year yeah I mean you know looking at that website I'm pretty sure there's millions of listeners of that radio station over there

I mean a Thailand community radio what rates better than that? Nothing. Yeah. What if we get over there and they want to split us up? They're like, we don't want you guys doing breakfast together. Right. So, like, you get paired with a cute blonde girl who's always like,

oh, Carl, and I get teamed up with, like, an ex-footy player. Or you get teamed up with a ladyboy. Yeah. Couldboy. Yeah. Could happen. Yeah. You've got to have a local. Why have two? I think we both should get locals.

Yeah, okay. You've got to have some odd couples. Like one of us does breakfast, one of us does the drive home shift or whatever, drive time. Yeah. Like ships in the night. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That would be good. All right. Thank you to everyone. Once again again anyone that chips in on Patreon is much appreciated yes

makes all this worthwhile makes the fact that we're recording this in the middle of the day instead of getting proper jobs yes

able to happen yep so thanks guys very much appreciated thanks once again to everyone who came along to Samui and was part of this

episode we will see you on facebook.com slash little dum-dum club. Yes. Is that our address? Yes. On Sunday evening for our Logies telecast. That's going to be heaps of fun.

Chuck it on, you know, get it online, pump it up on the speakers, turn the TV down, listen to our commentary on top of the Logies on Channel 9. We're going to have the camera focused at both of our groins. Yes. So there's absolutely no need to be watching the computer. And you'll be able to see how excited we get by the Logies. By Dilrub losing. And we might have a guest or two as well.

So it'll be a bit of fun. Yeah, if people want to swing by. Yeah, so check that out. Next week we have the final episode that we've recorded live at the Coastal Million International Podcast Festival. Yes. So, yeah. So keep listening and let us know if it's grabbed your attention.

You start to think, maybe I should go if there's a 2019 one. This thing sounds fucking cool. Yeah. I want to get there. And, you know, especially if you're one of these guys that I look forward to, that as soon as we announce a date, they go, ah, no, no, no. I know that's a year in advance, but no, I'm getting my hair washed that night. I'll see you in 2020.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, do one. I'll that's a year in advance, but no, I'm getting my hair washed that night. I'll see you in 2020. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, do one. I'll go to 2020. Yeah. Cool. I'll do one when you fucking go to Mars, when space travels a thing, and you do the Mars International Comedy Festival. I'll come to that one.

Oh, keep it to yourself. All right. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

It's not optional. You have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah.