The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 404 - Live! Dilruk Jayasinha, Becky Lucas, Brett Blake, Nick Capper & Nick Carr

Episode Date: July 4, 2018

It's the final night of the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival! We get a bunch of updates about how our listeners lives have changed permanently as a result of The Festival, we get a disgraced ex-senator on the phone, DILRUK JAYASINHA has a bombshell revelation from Tinder, NICK CARR tries to remember the last few days, NICK CAPPER has taken on the bank, BECKY LUCAS tries a local delicacy and BRETT BLAKE flaps in the wind for a while!Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:MELBOURNE: We're doing our 2018 stand-up shows back-to-back for one night only! AUGUST 3. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, the last of our episodes recorded live at the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival for 2018 featuring guests Becky Lucas, Dilruk Jai Singer, Nick Carr, Nick Capper and a special appearance from a certain Brett Blake. And if you've enjoyed all these episodes from the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival and you're after more content that has been recorded on a tropical paradise we have done a rare thing we've released the episode that we recorded at the kopenyang road show um just after this onto our band camp the little dumdum club dot band camp dot com you can get that for ten dollars if you don't already subscribe on patreon and i would say that it's

well worth doing nice yeah that's rare in that it is a Patreon bonus episode that usually goes out to people who subscribe for $10. But because of the demand for it, because we said it was particularly fucked up, apparently you guys like that. So we had to give you another chance of getting it. So that is there. You can go and grab it right now from the aforementioned website.

Yeah. Cool. Go do that. Also, we've just announced we are doing a live event in Melbourne on August the 3rd. We are doing a reprise of our stand-up comedy shows from this year at the European Beer Cafe. Back to back. It's my show, Leisure Suit Tommy.

It's Kyle Chandler's Shit List. All in the one ticket. August the 3rd at the European Beer Cafe. Come down and check them out. It's going to be heaps of fun. It's on a Friday night, August the 3rd, so it will be a lot of fun. You'll have no work in the morning. So, yeah, yeah, if you missed it during Melbourne,

if you missed it around the country, come along. Back to back should be heaps of fun. Yep. And so for the meantime, enjoy this new episode from Coase and Mui. We will be back at the end of the episode with another edition of Talking Dumb Dumb. Until then, enjoy this episode. Do a Rook Jingha, Becky Lucas, Nick Kappa, Nick Carr and Brett Blake. Hey, mate. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank

you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and standing next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads! Like I said, g'day dickheads. Wow, that's right people at home the intro is killing this way nothing like a bit of very very very relatable humor it's almost like everyone here knew exactly what was going on when we said hi Mike fuck you don't have to do much in Thailand. They love anything over here, don't they?

Oh, fuck yeah. This is it. The closing night of the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Finally, you've reached your headline act, okay? Enough of all that other dross you've had to see for the last three days. Man, the last time a podcast is done in Thailand until tomorrow night. So...

Oh yeah, so we have our roadshow gig tomorrow. Yeah. Who's coming? Nice, nice. It's in a reggae bar. I really don't know how it's going to go. To be fair, have we talked about this yet? We've done about eight separate events in reggae bars so far

since we got to the island. Every second venue on this street is a reggae bar. Yeah. I fucking love it. It's great. For on this street is a reggae bar. Yeah. I fucking love it. It's great. For some reason, I love reggae here at home. It's fucking puss. But here,

here it's the best. So, you know what? Today... What's your favourite reggae song? The one by... Does Bob Marley do some? I think he dabbled. I think he dabbled for a bit.

He did a crossover hit, I believe, with reggae. One of... My favourite... This shows how deep of a reggae fan I am. My favourite reggae album is Bob Marley's Greatest Hits. So it also doubles as the only album I've heard of reggae. You want to know my favourite reggae artist? Yes.

Jar Comedy. I like Bob Marley's song No Woman No Comedy. That's good. Yeah, so I just remembered with a person who runs a reggae bar, I should probably follow up on this. So I hit them up today and went, are we

still good? He's like, I don't remember this booking at all. But sure. So there'll be no nasty surprises when we turn up? No, well, we'll be the nasty surprise to be fair. Okay, we should get dreads in the morning just in case. We can just like pretend to be the band or something. Yeah, the guy goes, okay when when are you turning up or whatever and i said well we're lined up to to be there you know you've got us written in the diary at

seven o'clock he goes cool just turn up at seven o'clock no we need to do a sound check he's like really in thailand just yeah just do that at seven o'clock i'm like what's is there a show on after us he goes yes yes yes at eight o'clock so so i said, is there a show on after us? He goes, yes, yes, yes, at eight o'clock. So I said, look, can we get in a little bit earlier? And believe it or not, we have a lot of Australians that want to drink your bar dry. And his answer was, whatever. So I think we're back on.

Yeah. So you might have a night off tomorrow, guys, that are coming over. Either that, or you may get the dub edition of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. By the way, we're fine, everyone. There's no reason for us having a seat in between us. Yeah, sit in the middle seat. Someone's left a toilet roll here, which is...

..unrelatable. I'll just put that away. Oh, yeah, how clogged are you right now? I've never been clogged, that's not the problem. I mean... No, full of the paper. Oh, no, but that's... Nature's emodium.

Look, I didn't go into detail the other night, and I shouldn't go into it now, especially with there being managers of the hotel here. But that toilet paper that was strategically positioned was designed to be there because there was a few too many marks turning up on white chairs in my room. So, um... Oh! On white chairs? But I've told you I... Oh, white chairs!

Fuck, being here has made me dumber. I was like, I don't have any chairs in my room. What the fuck? Oh, the commode. Right. No. Me literally getting up in the morning. I don't get dressed until lunchtime.

And then I was sitting on a chair and I thought, that's an interesting design. Oh, I've done that. Ah! Wow. We are not getting our deposit back. Is it just then you trying to strategically sneak that chair out and just throw it over someone else's balcony so they have to deal with it?

I actually put it in the crowd tonight, so good luck whoever got that one. Free prize to whoever's sitting on it. Yeah, free spotted pants. That's the point when everyone went, fuck, he's talking for real. No, it's a for real. All right. No, it's a joke. It's a joke. I didn't put it in there.

Well, speaking of things being permanently destroyed, we should get an update on the listener who got a tattoo of this podcast over here. So he did get the tattoo. He got the tattoo. I went down today to Star Cat Tattoo in Koh Samui. Shout out to them. Listener Luke went and got a tattoo. Okay, so do we want to see it?

Yeah, let's get him up here. Come on up. Fuck, I would have loved it if everyone went, no. We're good. So, yeah, I drew the design. I went down... I went down and roasted him while it was happening. The staff didn't seem too pleased that this was happening.

Right. So, you got a tattoo, Luke, on your... Hang on, hang on, hang on. Just jump on. So you got a tattoo on what part of your body? Ribs. On the ribs. Ribs. Hang on, Dilwork is storming the stage.

So you've got the whole tattoo done now? It's all there? Correct, yes. Right. I nearly... We were 50% of the way through. It was too late to pull out. And apparently I would have just had Tommy on me.

So we went through with that. Wow, what a horrific idea. Yeah. Because he just did me first. I was like, this is actually pretty cool. Like, we should terminate this right now. Fuck, that would be brutal if he turns up here and he really did get that. It's just no me.

Fuck. Just a big fan of Tommy's stand-up. Don't fancy the podcast, actually. So we're on the rib. We are directly across from a

tattoo that you have of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. So we're in some pretty great real estate. We're in some

esteemed company. Wow. Also some people who should give it away. Alright, so it's all done. How much does it cost?

4,000 baht 4,000 baht So that's What 200 bucks? Yeah nice Is that a cheap tattoo? Ish Yeah

How much did Red Hot Chili Peppers cost? The invoice is in the mail Is it? Well my postal address is P.O. Box 69 Good fucking luck town So yeah My fee for drawing the tattoo Was 69,000 baht I don't know if we discussed that yet No no Well, my postal address is P.O. Box 69. Good fucking luck, Tim. My fee for drawing the tattoo was 69,000 baht.

I don't know if we discussed that yet. No, no, we hadn't. I'm going to be busy tonight. So, by the way, when I turned up to watch this get done at the Tattoo Power, Luke goes, by the way, while you're here, the banter is going to be terrible from me. But you were being funny. I enjoyed it. Because I was standing there with a camera in your face the whole time you were getting it done. Oh, also, and he got his iPhone out

and started listening to the podcast as he was getting the podcast tattooed on himself. It was more Nick Cave. More depressing stuff. But yeah, yeah, fair enough. I said he should have got the Fiona O'Loughlin and Lawrence Mooney episodes about suicide just so he could be prepared for how he's going to feel

after he's gotten us tattooed on himself. Either that or an episode with Greg Fleet as a guest. You know, needles. Alright, so are we going to crack it open? Let's have the big reveal. It's pretty small by the way. This is going to be very disappointing for everyone who passed about row number one. Okay, we'll at least give you...

But you haven't seen this yet, right? No, no, no. I haven't seen the yet right I haven't shown it to you okay oh wow yep turn around no not to the pool those guys yeah Wow that's a good time all right well yeah cool now that the tech guy I was giving them way more of your look. Oh, right. Well, yeah, cool. Now that the tech guy signed off on it, let's get it done for real. Now that we got the guy that we paid to be here to enjoy it, that's good. Man, awesome. Is that any...

I know it's only been a couple of hours, but any absolutely deep-seated regrets yet? Not yet, no. Okay, all right. I'm open to other podcasts on the other rib. Oh, really? Maybe Blakey's. Maybe Kappa's.

I don't know. All right. Sit down. Good enough for Luke, everyone. Luke! Wow. All right. That's, well, good luck with that in 50 years,

explaining that to some nurses. But... I was saying to him, he should have to, like, we'll have to keep up to date with him about, like, how our appearances are changing. So, like, as my hairline goes further and further back, he has to go and get, like, a bit of the hairline, like, lasered off.

You know, if we put it on a bit of weight, he has to go and get some chins added on. Like, every six months, I just send a new photo. You know what I reckon? I reckon we more dedicate this podcast now to just insulting Luke and making him hate us. So every day he gets up to get a shower and it's just a constant reminder of someone who is bullying him for one hour every week. Oh, not that funny, apparently. You all like Luke.

Okay, fine. I guess you're all getting Tommy tattoos and not Carl tattoos now, so... Yeah, I wanted them to, like, put... I was trying to get them to, like, put my drawing up on the wall so that just, like, strangers can come in and go, yeah, fuck it, I'll get that, whatever that is. Looks cool. Yeah, like, so Chinese people come in and go...

It's like us getting a Chinese character and go, that looks cool, I don't know what it means. Chinese people come in and go, it's like us getting a Chinese character. It looks cool. I don't know what it means. Chinese people come in and go, that looks cool in that accent. Yeah. That's the symbol for fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway. Also, you know what? Another permanent damage that's been done. So during this podcast festival, we've had a tattoo. We've had a permanent reminder of us on someone's body. Also, we've had an tattoo, we've had a permanent reminder of us on someone's body also, we've had an engagement really?

someone got proposed to you know who it is, who is it? oh wait, what the fuck's going on? ok, no one seems to want to own up to this oh it was your hand. Yeah, okay. Congratulations. Congratulations. Oh, wow. Adam Knox just offered the bride to be a beer. Chivalry is not dead.

She's taken, mate. Back off. That's the closest Adam Knox will get to a proposal as well. Oh, fuck. It's just a joke as well. Oh, fuck. It's just a joke, guys. It's going to make Noxy feel very bad about that dum-dum tattoo he got yesterday afternoon. And his proposal to me earlier today. So,

it wasn't during the podcast. That would have been cool. It was just on the beach the other day, wasn't it? Yeah. No further? And... And... And... More in keeping with the podcast, these guys have been together for 13 years.

Wow. So they beat my record, which is very nice of them. And they've got two kids, so... Where the fuck are they, by the way? They're in the car park. Right, right, right. There are two listeners here who are here with a young... Like a one-year-old kid.

And it's... Like, every podcast we've done, it's been up the back in a high chair... It. It. It's 2018. Look at the maternal instincts in this one. It hasn't decided what gender it is yet, OK? It's 2018.

Him? See's 2018. Him? See? Exactly. That's why I didn't take a punt, because I don't know. She has been up the back of the podcast with headphones on, watching Peppa Pig on an iPad. Easily more intellectually stimulating than this. The dream.

Bring it up here. Put it on the monitors at the front. That'd be great. That couple, were you both listeners? There's generally one listener and one not listener. All zero listeners. Sorry?

You're both new to it. He's new to it. Right, right, right. He looks absolutely ready for the reggae bar tomorrow night, by the way. Because he just looks baked. He's watching Peppa Pig as well, by the way. Awesome. Wow, there's a lot going on socially. There's been a lot going on.

What else? Oh, you know what else a listener told me the other day? you know what else a listener told me the other day that before they got here um they were in bed with a uh a new uh semi-partner trying to trying to tiptoe my way around how this works maybe fucking look spoiler alert let's wait for the end of the story but so they were in bed with bed with a maybe potential new partner and then the person, the potential partner said, oh, you're funny, tell me a joke. And so that person told a little joke...

..that goes by the name of Duck Sandwich. And let's just say, Duck Sandwich is the Barry White of comedy. I thought you were going to say it was like the next morning and they're like, how can I get this person to fuck off? You thought Duck Sandwich was like a morning after pill? Yes. thought duck sandwich was like a after like a morning after pill or yes oh god wow all right what else oh yeah i want to say this and then we'll get into some guests okay um so one potential guest like we had a bunch of people who were super interested in being guests

um one person who told us that he was definitely coming, but then hasn't turned up, and I didn't bring it up before now because I thought people might be disappointed or whatever it was, but someone who promised they were coming along was ex-Senator Sam Dastyari. Yes.

Now, I believe at this point he may not turn up. Who knows? He's a surprising guy Yeah So someone, before the festival, someone hit him up on Twitter and went Oh, I think as a joke, are you coming to the Coastal Movie International Podcast Festival? And he said yes absolutely So by responding to that, a listener sent us a message saying I'm at Labor New South Wales head office at the moment

and a bunch of people in here just had a breakdown trying to find out what the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival is. They went into action stations trying to find out what it was. Never have I heard little dum-dum clubs shouted across an office so insanely until now. So that was a serious thing. Luckily, they didn't have to worry about it too much because Sam just fucked everything up

and they don't have to care about him anymore. So, yeah, he's not here anymore. But, yeah, but instead of coming here, he's doing breakfast radio for Jackie Owen Kyle. Is he really? Yeah. Yeah, right, That's amazing. Yeah.

Well, it's like people thought, oh, wow, surprising you brought himself down to our level. It's a whole fucking new level beneath us. What, the highest rated breakfast show in Sydney? Yes, but... The Spice Girls have sold a lot of records. It doesn't mean they were good. Yeah, this is an interesting debate to have, sure. Well, it's an interesting thing for you to stick up for Kyle and Jackie O.

Yeah, true. Fair. Okay, fuck them and fuck Sam. You happy now? Yeah, I think so. He's happy to be put on speaker. Is he on the phone right now? I'm texting you now.

He's going to talk shit about me. No, we were just saying that we were disappointed the last we heard. You were going to come here and then all of a sudden you're working for Kyle and Jackie O instead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I'm just a little bit surprised you're not here because I think the number one tourist of this island is the Chinese. You're not in government, you're powerless over me now. While we've got you here, what's the weirdest place you've had sex? Can you guess what this secret sound is?

Suck shit. This is great, we don't even need to fly guests over next year, we just get them on speakerphone. Alright, you can talk now Sam. Is this it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this the sound? Ah, fuck you guys. That's fair. Alright, that feels like the end of...

Sam Dossiari. Wow. Fire Satellite. This is a high-tech podcast. All right, all right. Let's get a guest on. All right, folks, please welcome... A guest that's actually here.

Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dilruk Jai Singer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, hello, hello everyone. It is the final night. How sad, but also what a joy.

I'm having an interesting one just then. I was in a really good mood. You know how positive I am. But I have taken my braids out, and as I was walking, there was one of the listeners who was behind me, and I said, oh, hey. And she goes, oh, hey, sorry.

Now that your braids are out and because my hair's all frizzy, she goes, I was so sure you were Kappa. That is brutal. To be fair, I did shit my pants just then, so that's probably what she got thrown off by. Oh, man. But it's been good. It's been good.

You know what I was thinking? Now, you look ready for the reggae bar as well now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's quite fishy. I don't mind it. Really? The frizzy hair? Yeah.

You look like a young Meg Ryan. Oh. Looks like you got erection. That's... I don't think that's a thing. Oh, really? Yeah. But we...

The movie was... You've got male. I know. But I just couldn't think of a pun that sounded like male. You've got male genitalia standing straight. There we go. You know we were talking about engagements and rooting

and stuff like that. I don't know if we were talking about rooting. Yeah you were. Duck sandwich. So in that theme, I have a story about a Tinder date I had. There was a girl I matched with who said, is this a real account? I was like, yeah, it's really me.

She goes, no, the real guy wouldn't put all these pictures of him on TV. Oh, right. Because she thought it was too lame that I was just putting all my credits there. But someone said, yeah. Fuck, we all got selling points. I did go on a date with a girl,

and she said she was hesitant to go on a date with a comedian. And I said, why is that? She goes, well, a friend of mine had a bad experience on a Tinder date with a comedian. I was like, oh, fuck, what have you done? She goes, no, no, it's nothing too bad. Just on the first date, she'd matched with this guy who seemed nice. But then when he got there, it was during the comedy festival,

and the guy made her flyer for his festival show outside town hall. Wait, on a first date? That's the first meeting. He said, meet me outside the town hall. Man, that would be so pathetic on a first date to bring someone to your comedy festival show, let alone get them to work. So it's not to the festival show.

Got her to work and hand out flyers for him. And then she thought, okay, well, she felt bad because she was a nice person. And then he said, oh, can you come to the show tonight, which is at 11 o'clock. So it's really awkward. So she told a couple of her friends to come along, two or three. And she doesn't know the guy's name. So I'm like, please, please tell me the guy's name. Anyway, they go to the show, her and her two friends.

And it's only just them. Maybe one or two other punters. So it's this, the guy has a mental breakdown on stage. This guy rules. I know. Anyway, so after our date, I did text her the next day. I said, hey, please, can you make sure you find out from your friend who that guy was?

Two or three days go by and she goes, oh, I found out who the guy was with the comedian's name. I'm like, yes, what's his name? She goes, Brett Blake. Get on up here. And if there's anyone who can defend themselves, it's lawyer Brett Blake. Yeah, get on up here and defend yourself. Wow. These are damning allegations.

A lot of people ripping up sports bet tickets with Nick Capper paying $1.01 on that. It took me halfway through that story. I'm like, I bet this is fucking me in some way. Like, God. Blakey's just clearly not been listening to that story, by the way. Did you get... Blakey.

Get on mic. Get up here and get on mic. Fred Blake, everyone. Hang on, Blakey. Get a girl to come up here and defend you on a first date, maybe. I don't remember that. Was it this year or last year? No, this was, I think, when you were just starting out.

Very new. When did you have an 11 o'clock solo show? Have you done this so many times? How many girls have you done this to? I don't remember asking a girl to fly for me. That's the story I got told. So which year was this? Let's get some timelines.

This was the highly acclaimed show Wizard's Piss. You've got to go on a first date To fly her for a show called Wizard's Pits Oh yeah That show I have an intentional Mental breakdown in I come out on the stage and I have like It was a bad show

It was about the time I had all my identity stolen And because I had I had a big three-week bender. And you can imagine what was involved. Anyway. For the listener at home, he tapped on his nose. Cocaine. Anyway.

But I don't remember getting someone to fly. I would never do it. Yeah, because you had a big fucking three-day bender. That's why you don't remember her. You're probably still high. No, I honestly honestly I would remember that but I yeah

well it didn't seem likely she was going to make this up you know what I mean it seemed no but I was genuinely surprised that it was you I had so many other shit guns

I generally don't have I don't take girls or dates to comedy like I sounds like she didn't get to comedy I mean I get it it's a flyer for me yeah

well apparently it was the mental breakdown now makes sense because she said, oh, the guy has a mental breakdown on stage and it was really depressing. And I was like, that doesn't sound like Freddie. Like, you're quite chirpy and stuff. So it is true, that means. The show had a mental breakdown.

It's like part of it. So you're such a good actor, she thought it was real. Yeah. Honestly, I would love to say, yes, I'm a piece of shit and I have done this. Well, I'll say it for you. Yes, you're a piece of shit and you've done this. But I honestly, I would never get someone to fly for me. That's weird.

No, I reckon you did. It's just weird. Wait. It's too weird for... Can you show me a photo of her face? No, so that's not the girl I dated. It was her friend that you dated. Get Sam Dastyara on the phone again, someone.

Let's clear this up. Get easy on this. I like that you specified show me a photo of her face. Like there's a chance he might show you a photo of something else. Yeah, of her hands. The flowery. Oh, man. Because I actually was over in the corner there

joking to all the other comics, and I was like, oh, it's probably me. Right, I was like, how funny would that be? Everyone gets to laugh over there. I was killing it off stage. Anyway, right, and then you said my name, and I was like, fuck, I am red-faced right now. But, man, I go on a lot of dates.

I don't know. What are the other weird things you've asked dates to do on date number one? Oh, God. Have you asked them to write up your blurb for you because you can't spell? That sort of question is for Cole and Jackie O, I think. Fuck, I'm a crook piece of shit. Hey, you sold three tickets off the back of the date, though. Man, I can't believe I got such good numbers.

Yeah, I'm baffled. Well, this is the first time the lawyer, Brett Blake, seems to be a little baffled. Come on, man. Man, I'm out of words. But, you know, if the shoe fits, acquit. Do a shoeie. Fuck, he's perjuring himself.

All right, all right. Let's get another guest in. We've thrown you right off your game I think Man, I'm very often not baffled It's almost like he's reading a script right now Yeah, I really want to know who that Can you send me a photo of her face? Just her name

What about her name? What's the trick is it? You won't recognise her by her name Oh no, I only remember faces I'm no good with names What was her name? I don't know the trick, is it? You won't recognise her by her name. Oh, no, I only remember faces. I'm no good with names. What was her name? I don't know the friend.

Are you still in contact with the girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to get to the bottom of this. I'll try and find out. Tell her Blakey wants to make amends. Yeah. Tell her Blakey's got a new show next year at the festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Dragons come. It was a very good show and no one watched it Wizard's Fist I was obsessed with that before I properly knew Was that the very nominated one?

Wizard's Fist? The Gibbo judges were there and weren't a fan I think that was the year you got nominated I was like whatever

Oh that was the same year that we were in the same venue and I pretended I was that was the year you got nominated. I was like, whatever. Oh, that was the same year that we were in the same venue and I pretended I was that girl. Remember that year? Yeah, you put your phone number on the wall. Yeah, so Tommy's the sad one here. Anyway. He's still in my phone as wall girl.

Wall girl, yeah. Did you fly for Tommy? No. Fuck, I want to know. He's so tough. There's no point I'm throwing off on this story Fuck

If only there was someone Who was there To tell us what else happened You fucking idiot Man, I Try and remember Message, message a friend now I'm doing it

And we'll get it on On the end of the episode Alright No, no, no Don't message him We don't need any wrap up to this Alright, let's get Our next guest out here

Please welcome back Into Little Dunlop Club Nick Carr Hey Sorry Alright, let's get our next guest out here. Please welcome back into Little Dunlop Club, Nick Carr. Where'd that toilet paper go? I need it for a costume I'm wearing to the after party. I'm going as Carl Chandler. I just need two more items.

I also need a wedding ring I'm not going to wear. And a set of car keys. Can anyone help me out? It probably goes without saying, but Cara, I think you've been extremely drunk for the entire time you've been on this island, haven't you? Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Another example of you being drunk, because that makes no sense. Works for me.

Now, I think you, out of all the performers here, have got the record of getting home the latest the most. Crushing it. So you're the last one out. You're the last man standing every night. Yeah, well, you know, I've got something to prove. You know, you're partying with Brett Blake and Nick Capa. You've got last one out. You're the last man standing every night. Yeah, well, you know, I've got something to prove. You know, you're partying with Brett Blake and Nick Capper. You've got to go strong.

Yeah, but you don't win anything by being out later than them because that means if you're out the latest, you're just out by yourself. There's no one watching you going, you've got the record, buddy. It's just you drinking in a bar by yourself saying, do you come here often to ladyboys? The prize is depression.

I get to watch the shame in their eyes as they walk away while I'm still cutting it on the dance floor. That's what I get. Is that what you're doing, dancing by yourself? I thought this was going to be a sad story. Rusted. No, I made some friends the other night.

I made some friends out downtown. Good for you. Nice. After we left a bar we were at, I was some friends the other night. I made some friends out downtown. Good for you. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After we left a bar we were at, I was in the cab with Kappa and two other listeners, and there was also two young Dutch ladies there, and they were very attractive, and so I said to them, because I'm real smooth,

I go, oh, hey, do you like comedy? Fuck. Do you want to fly for me? I'm like, oh, me. And I was putting a cap on. I'm like, both very single. You want to go dancing? Akbar.

And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you say Akbar? Fuck, it must have been late if your options are that grim. Well, it was good. So we went dancing. It was going really well. I was like cutting a rug. I kept going to get some drinks.

Bought him some roses because, again, very smooth. You bought him roses? Yeah, I bought everyone roses. What? You've got to keep your options open. So there was a rose salesman walking by and you were just grabbing him? Yeah. This is like the course of my bachelor.

Yeah, yeah, that's it, yeah. But I just get all the roses. Didn't the bachelor come here? Didn't they offer prizes or people from the bachelor stay in this very resort, in the Ozo? I believe that's actually the case. If any of the staff here knows that, didn't the people from the bachelor come here? They could not give less of a shit.

Popular Australian television show, The Bachelor. Have you guys heard of that? No? Okay, they've got a big official private. No, no, no. I think they've all just cracked the shits with me because of that stain on the chair in my room so yeah oh fuck so you got the bachelor and the yeah so i'm at the dance club and everyone else has left but i've decided i've made the

decision to stay out because i know wait did you say the fatula yeah you've lost enough weight you're allowed to make fat jokes i know i gotta say... This is a turning point. It fucking feels good. Yeah, you get it, right? Is that why I'm sitting on this? Welcome aboard. Welcome aboard. Continue, fat cunt. I've been waiting for how long it's going to take

because for a long time now, you've been way skittier than me, so, you know, I'm just... Oh, right. I've been waiting for him to kick in. It's only just happened. What, what, what? I mean, I know it's rude to ask a lady, but how much do you weigh?

More than Dil did at his starting weight, I think. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, don't say it like that. You wear glasses, though, which adds a bit of weight. Yeah, and I wear pretty heavy shoes. He's wearing thongs all week, so. And the beard, don't forget the beard.

Yeah, there's a beard there. And the two big tits. Don't forget them. The box of KFC under your armpit, you know. And the gigantic dick. Why are you bothering to get roses when you're packing that? Get the hog out, dude.

I'm a bit of blood in it. Show them. I just paint the tip red now. What? Because it rules. Because it's like a rules. Yeah. Paint the tip red. Are there thorns on the side as well?

That fourth beer just kicked in. Hey, so what happened with the date? Sorry, stop embarrassing yourself while drunk and get back to the story where you get embarrassed while drunk. So at the moment, I've got these two girls. They're both very attractive. We then go to this...

We were trying to find another bar to go to and we get to one at the front and all we could hear at the front is DMX. It's like, X gone, give it to ya. You can get it on your own. X gone, deliver it to ya. I'm like, yeah.

Wow, you really nailed that. Yeah, we have to clear that now. I'm like, this is where it's going to happen. DM XXX. XXXL. Yeah, exactly. We get in there and I'm starting to dance with one of them. One of them bailed.

We did a bunch of shots. One of them's dancing with me. We're getting close and I go in. You know, it's going well, so I go in for the kiss. And then she's just gone, X not going to give it to you. That's my girlfriend. We're together.

And then they started kissing to prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Wow. I didn't think that story could get any sadder. So yeah, you were telling me a story last night about how cool,

you were having a sincere chat about how cool this is. You used to be a fan. I was like, I know the feeling. He used to be a fan. I was like, I know the feeling. He used to be a fan. He hates being up here now. He's being bullied to fucking... I don't listen anymore. You and I had that similar kind of positivity.

It's just kind of really exciting that we get to now play around and stuff. And you were telling me a specific story about in your younger days when you were... Oh, okay. I used to meet some of my... So a big holler this trip is getting to meet Dave Callan again

is this the one you're referring to or is there another yeah okay see alright good prompt me for my own stories please yeah is this

did you ask out Dave Callan in this story or he got him to fly for him line isn't no can't wait to hear this

absolutely forgettable yarn. Three different details to be able to remember. So, yeah, like, I remember, I just remember this thing. The first time I was, like, getting comfy with a young lady in her room, I was watching Dave Callan on, like, TV. So now whenever you see Dave Callan you get a hard-on or every time he watches brave art he gets erect Scott would right brave hard just I didn't realise why At the end of the night last night

He made me whisper to his ear We may take our lives But they won't take us I have a update Oh you have a live update On Brett Blake So well first of all she goes Oh I didn't think this was going to come back full swing

Neither did I. Her name is Elle. E-L-L-E. Ringing any bells? Because she said... Elle. Elle Macpherson? Elle.

L-E-L-L-E. Oh, fuck, I forgot you can't spell. Elle. Hey, Wim. E-L-L-E. Barry? What? Okay, this one. I think, E-L-L-E. Barry? What? Okay, this one.

I think it's this one here in this picture. The one on the right. On the left. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. It's a tech problem. I better go. Yeah Oh shit Oh fuck

Oh no It's a tech problem I better go Webby what's happening Fucking hell We've angered the L's Is that me Oh

Yeah Did I do it It's um You're muted now One one Hello Yeah I'm muted

I think I'm muted Oh yeah Me muted Webby Who would have known Having Webby do tech Plus rainfall One, one. Hello? Hello? Yeah, I'm muted. I think I'm muted. Oh, yeah, Dastla's muted. Me muted, Webby. Who would have known having Webby Dutek plus rainfall would have been bad? Webby, there, I'm back on. Yeah. Let's all, you know, just be grounded, I think, from now on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's that? Let's hold onto the foam from now on, I believe. Given this part is probably not going to make the edit, I'll just quickly tell this story. Apparently, a couple of listeners, more than one listener, has been heard saying to Jeremy Webb,

hey, really enjoyed your podcast yesterday. I think it was the highlight of the trip so far. RooTown! I'd cop that. I'm happy to cop that. You know what? As a director of... To be fair, I was very funny as a guest on that, so I'll give cop that. I'm happy to cop that. You know what? As a director of a... To be fair, I was very funny as a guest on that,

so I'll give him that. As a festival director, you just want everyone to be happy. I'll cop that. So, Brady, you remember the girl? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just got a wave of flashback then.

That was good. I don't... She offered to fly her. She offered to fly her. She was asking for it. She was asking for it. No, I remember that one now. Yeah, yeah.

She was a lovely, lovely lass. Yeah, whatever. No one talk Let's just let him flap in the breeze for a bit longer If you want saving Blakey I'm also crushing it on Tinder After being on the Dumb Dumb Club When I was in Melbourne for the festival

I matched with the young lady And the first question she asked me was Are you the fucking idiot that eats spaghetti for the Dumb Dumb Club? So I replied yes She replied do you want to come over? And I'm like probably not now So I replied, yes. She replied, do you want to come over? And I'm like, probably not now. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Even if she didn't know you from Dum Dum, she could have guessed from the photos, you're the guy that eats a lot of spaghetti. She probably doesn't even know the podcast. The message was probably, do you eat a lot of spaghetti, you dum-dum? Let's get our next guest out here.

Folks, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Becky Lucas. Yes! Becky, if you were on a date with a guy, would you ever make him come to a gig? No. It's the worst... I don't want anyone there. Ever.

Not even the audience. Like comedy is... That's like an Incapa gig. Yeah. I had something actually that happened today that's sort of vaguely similar. I was broken up with years ago by this really gross... Wow, I thought you were going to get dumped today.

We've got an exclusive guys. That would be funny. No, it was just this young hippie guy who's disgusting now I look back at it. But he dumped me and then I got a message from him today he started a Kickstarter because he wants to record a folk album in Brazil.

Oh, sick. And he's asked me to record a folk album in Brazil. Oh, sick. And he's asked me to contribute. He was asking for money. Great. Alright. And now you're regretting everything. Yeah. He sounds hot. But I reckon that's worse. It's the online version of flowering for someone. Yeah. I didn't get it.

She wanted to come. Fuck! I bet she wanted to come. I do remember she wanted to come to see my show wanted to come she wanted I do remember she wanted to come to see my show and I was like nah I don't like because I don't like girls

coming to comedy shows it's fucking weird you see too much behind the scenes or whatever she's like look I really want to come I really want to come

check out the show and I was like man if you want to come with a title like Wizard's Best why wouldn't you and I was like man I needed it

Ernest needed bums on seats and yeah she came she ended up coming to the show and she just said, oh, is there anything I could do beforehand to help you out? And I was like,

well, I didn't have time to fly because I was at another gig and while I set up, I was like, maybe you could just do that. We'd already been on like one date. Oh my God.

And yeah, and she's like, yeah. Is anyone buying this? Boy, I was going to say, that memory has really kicked in all of a sudden.

Hey, babe, I'm a comedian. Come check out my show, Wizard's Piss. And also, just go out the front and fly off with me to it to slap her on the ass and be on her way. I would never do that. You're married now. We dated for a little while. We're not dated, but we hanged out.

Oh, good that you remembered her so well. Yeah, I specifically do remember her. All of a sudden, she is your number one subject on Mastermind. You know everything about her now. No, no, I do remember her specifically. What do you mean you dated for a while? This might... 22 nights?

I remember... Hey, earlier on Sundays. Hey, I should say this at some point I was I've been here for like two weeks now have I?

I think I've been here for nearly two weeks I think you live here now yeah the dream and I stopped out the front of a pharmacy

the other day because here we go I'm in yeah I saw a big sign on the front of the pharmacy that looked... Tablet sandwich.

It kind of made me feel sad, in a way. Was it, we have butthole repair cream? That's beyond repair. Mate, take a look after the show, it's fine. So... Prove it, prove it. There we go, it's fine so prove it there we go I'll prove it you don't want it to prove

I think we can handle it so I went past this pharmacy they've got this huge sign in the window to advertise a certain product and I was literally riding past it and I went what the fuck is Is that real? I doubled back and then went, I've got to take a selfie with this display.

So I went to take it. And this guy came out the front and was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm like, I'm just stopping. And I was like trying to pretend I was just checking the time or whatever. He's like, are you taking a photo? I'm like, I'm not taking a photo.

Anyway, the guy chased me away. And so I just went around the corner and then came back again. And then got another photo when he was gone. And then I was like, fuck, I've got to get this. I've got to go inside. I've got to get the product. It was just a pharmacy. And you were taking a photo and he was chasing you away.

Yes, at the front of a pharmacy. That's weird, yeah. Yeah, it's really weird. Did you have any pants on? Yes. Okay. Normally you're getting chased out of massage joints. So I went back and got the photo

The product is called It's spelt like this S-E-A As in sea, the ocean Well Brett's out E-L-L-E I'll help you at the end S-E-A

M-I-N S-E-A space M-I-N Semen Semen So I'm like This is funny Oh okay I get the photo I take a little video

It's me going Check this out Are you reading what I'm reading? This is so funny Blah blah blah Semen on the wall Yeah And I reckon

The reason he's chasing you away Is because there's so many people Probably stopping him Yeah yeah That's what I'm thinking But it's like a away is because there's so many people probably stopping him. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm thinking. But it's like a remote part of the island where it's not super touristy. It's not like in Chewing.

It's right round the other end. It's not Main Street Seamin. Hey, kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just talking about Seamin. Well, to be fair, I spelled it out. So, yeah. You're the one saying it.

I'm the good dad. It's Peppa Pig's ocean friend, Seamin. Yeah. See, the one saying it. I'm the good dad. It's Peppa Pig's ocean friend, semen. Yeah, see the one right up the back, he's fine with that at the moment. She. Fuck. It's 2018, come on. So semen. Yeah.

So I read about it, apparently it's good for your skin. Oh. I'm not about the product effect. I've got a bit of soundburn, so i wouldn't mind rubbing a bit of semen on myself cool well if i can get some of that product i can do the other one before that but i know where to find some closer so anyway anyway so i doubled back and i was like i got the photo got the video and then i'm like fuck i need the product so i went in there to grab it.

And I grabbed a couple of copies of it or whatever. Copies? Yeah. What? It's not a DVD, Carl. Portions? I don't know. Rations?

Tubes? Tube? Bottles? Tubes? Bottles. Bottles. They weren't, they were sachets. Packets.

Sachets, don't say that. Okay. So I grabbed some sachets. Can I get a couple of rounds of copies of this juice, please? Yeah. So I went in there and I grabbed... Can I get a new copy of the white chair in my hotel room? Well, that's just going to make it whiter.

So, yeah. So I had to go in and go, can I get a bunch of that semen? And they're like, oh, semen. And they're seriously not super English speakers over that side of the island. They're like, oh, semen, yeah. Like Brett.

Good for you, good for you, good for you. But it's a chemist over there and they try and upsell you afterwards. And honest to God, I'd buy, I'd get a bunch of semen and then the lady goes, oh, you like that? I'm like, yes. And she goes, you know what you like? Big bananas. What?

She tried to sell me a bunch of big bananas in a chemist shop because I liked semen. You are famous here. Anyway. Is it based on the Kofshaber one? The, um... Anyway, so, I figure we should have a taste test. Oh, so you drink it.

So you eat it. You drink it. You drink it? Oh, wow. There we go. Look, I think a bunch of us should drink some semen drink. I definitely want some semen. Is it strawberry flavoured?

It is cheat week for me, so I'm okay with it. Could you hand me a facsimile of semen drink? I'll just take mine on my stomach. Look, we've been looking for a sponsor for the podcast festival the whole time. It's the last night. I'm happy to take this as the official sponsor for this festival. Serving suggestion. Up the bum, no time. It's the last night. I'm happy to take this as the official sponsor of this festival. Sure. Serving suggestion. Up the bum, no babies.

That's interesting. Flaky, you're out? What if we share it? No joke. On the front it says rich in vitamin D. Hell yeah, dude. How much protein

does it have? It says C for calcium. It's more probably cum. Yeah, vitamin D That's good Oh, you finally got there Yeah, I actually did Because the D

Oh, you got it before me Alright It's very salty Oh, have you drunk it? Yeah Cheers everybody To semen Don't hug it

All to yourself Blake Oh that is It's not good Tastes a bit like Tommy It's strawberry flavoured It'd be better cold I think I think we're meant to drink it cold

Not straight out of the dick It's alright It's not bad Should I try it? Yeah Yeah sorry Did you not get any? You want to rip on this?

I didn't get one. Oh, okay. This is great audio content. Tip it in. It's not your first rodeo, Becky. Come on. How do I do it? Oh, I've never seen one of these before. I think we're fine to drink it, but as soon as you do it, we're in trouble.

I quite like it. Wow, good luck at the after party after a quote like that. I don't mind it either. I'm thinking of making a change. Let's try this new... this other drink I got called Jizz Juice. I had to check the label just to see if there's nothing in here that I'm allergic to. Because imagine dying over in Thailand

because you drank semen. Fuckin' hell. He's got him in the eye. Yeah. I hate it when they go off early. I can't... I can't believe that packet didn't even give you a warning.

I got webby, sorry. We got semen all over the podcast. Now literally sperm everywhere. Yeah. Fuck, I hope you wake up with pink eye tomorrow. That should have been the question. As soon as one of us drank it, it should have been, how's semen? Well, so the hidden part of that story that you're not telling people,

when you went and bought it over the other side of the island, you left it there because I walked around with you the other day and you were like, oh, I'm just going to try and find some content. I don't think you wanted it. You wanted it to be a surprise. Yeah. But I was with you, so you had to go up to someone in the chemist just down the road here and go, hi, do you have semen?

And they didn't. They didn't have it. They clearly never heard of it. So they're like, what, like vitamin C? And you're like, no, C-min. The guy just starts jerking off. All right, if you want it. If you're that desperate.

Fucking a horrific thing to have to be a part of. Who's that? Too much. There I go again. Too much semen in the cords. I'm going to throw some semen in the crowd if you want to catch and try it. Does anyone want to try it? Yep.

Who wants to try it? Okay, pass along. Webby, how are we going on that mic? Yeah, it gives a sec. Oh, he's just doing his own podcast then. Yeah, it sounds fine to me. Apparently Webby's... Webby, are you Polly?

Do you want me to sub out with Noxie? Am I Polly? Yeah. No, but we swing. Oh my God. All, but we swing. Oh, my God. All right, new podcast. That's cool. Sorry I didn't get you more semen.

Sorry. So you swing? Yeah, it's more, you know, inviting in a third because it's good fun. Interesting. Well, Nick Carr's a... It's never the good looking people is it You know what I mean Like every time you go to a sex convention

You're like fuck it's a sea of twos Yeah they gotta tie themselves up in leather And look the other way I would not let any of them hand a flyer out for me. He's trying to fix our tech. Leave him alone. Oh, fuck. That was good.

Oh, dear. Oh, well, to be fair, you made two podcasts without any tech fuck-ups. So it's nice to have. It's like your good old days. You don't want you guys getting too ahead of yourselves. Oh, got the phone going off and that dusty re again all right let's get our next guest out here folks welcome back in a little dumb club Nick Kappa Kappa so you've been spending a lot of time partying with Nick Kappa Here he is Kappa, so you've been spending a lot of time partying with Nick Carr on the island

I was one of the people that saw when Nick Carr went to buy when he went to buy the two girls drinks they made out and then Nick Carr would come back with roses and drinks and they would not be making out and then Nick Carr would come back with roses and drinks and they would not be making out.

So they'd make out he'd go and get drinks while they're making out and then they'd pretend to be straight when they were back? No, I don't think it was intentional I just think it was Murphy's Law. Right, right, right. It was very good to watch but it was also very sad so I had to leave.

I didn't have the heart to tell him. I thought he knew. I definitely thought you knew. I thought the signs were there. You do have the vibe of a guy who gets left out in a threesome. To be fair, he looks like a one-man threesome, though. Trust me, I asked. They didn't want to let me just stand in the room.

They weren't ever going to let me in the room. I'm doing great. And you did give me one of the roses. Yeah. So I think your standards were pretty low that night, buddy. Keeping my options very open. I was very clear about that. Have you guys had a nice time together?

I think I've had a really good time. Always do, yeah. We always have a good time together. Are you best friends? I don't know if I'm ready to say that just yet. You've made it fucking awkward now. Nah, we're best friends. In fact, something I want to say tonight.

Nick Carr, will you fly her for me? Yes, yes. A thousand times yes. You've had the fake semen, now have the real... So Cab, we need to get a bit of a follow up on a story from the podcast a couple nights ago,

but for listeners a couple weeks ago now. So you turned up to Koh Samui. You left your bank card in the ATM at the airport. Yes. You then, you messaged me the other day to say, hey, does your phone work for Calling Australia? Can I come to your room and use it to call the bank back home? This is four days after you've lost your card

that you decide to get onto the bank. Yeah, I was having a good time. I didn't want to ruin it with admin. yeah you're too busy getting roses from nick cut having a good time with no money um oh no it's it's i i had i had a little bit of money to be fair even with the bank card he doesn't have that much money even if that's why it took him four days because he's like good luck even if someone found that card somehow somehow that would be negative $6,000 a case. They'd be like, what have I done?

God, my life's shit. Their phone starts ringing, hey, you owe us money. We've only been best friends for a little while, but I can tell you that Nick Capper often leaves things in where you should pull them out. I don't think you know what best friends are. Hang on, I don't get this. Is this still are we talking about ATMs? Seeming. So, yeah, so Cappy, you come to my

hotel room and you use my phone to call your bank. I'm lying on the bed, you're sitting on the edge of it. Now, so I could hear what the guy on the other line was saying. I don't think you could, I don't think you knew that I could hear what he guy on the other line was saying yeah I don't think you could I don't think you knew that I could hear what he was saying uh yeah I knew really okay so here was the exchange you get on the phone to the guy at the bank and you go hey so I've lost my bank card

I left it in the ATM at the airport um I need to cancel the card and And they go, okay, do you have, like, your identification number? And you go, no. And they go, okay, do you have your, like, the account number? And you go, no. And they go, okay, do you have, like, a current address that we could post the new card to? And you go, no. At this point, they think you're an automated machine.

And then the guy... I'm currently in between houses at the moment. So then the guy, I hear the guy on the other line go, OK, look, I'm just going to have to go talk to my manager about this. I'll just put you on hold for a second. And you go, yep, OK, no worries. And then I hear the hold music start, and you turn to me, and you look at the phone and you go yep okay no worries and then I hear the hold music start and you turn to me and you look at the phone and you go

fucking moron that is exactly what I said like as you're looking at your phone can you believe this Rube can you believe this no but the thing is, on the

card, they have the identification number. And why I was angry, because he goes, this is like a qualified bank guy. Okay? Yeah, that's what his business card says. That's what the business card says. I go, am I able to transfer money? And he goes,

yeah, you can transfer money online. He goes, all you need is your identification number and i go the identification number is on the back of the card i'm with this guy yeah but okay then okay oh like like i told him information and i was like you say you tell him i told him you tell him right i was like if there's a bigger dumb cunt than me, it's this guy. If. That's a big if. But then, so then he goes, okay, well, we can, okay, if you don't have an address that we can post it to,

because then you were trying to get them to post a new card here to Koh Samui. Yeah. That's easy. And they go, we can't. This is more of a permanent address for him. And they go, we can't post it to, we can't post a new card to an address outside of Australia. The best we can do is we can send the card to a branch of this bank.

And you go, right, so there's no branches of your bank here in Koh Samui? You're with the NAB, which stands for National Australia Bank. You never know. There's plenty of Aussies here. They seem like a reliable bank. It'd be so funny if the whole music was No one knows what it's like. Oh, yeah, so...

For the listeners. I got a video of Nick Capper eating noodles the other night. It's one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. That's not a euphemism, by the way. He's holding the plate up and he's just absolutely fucking stuffing them into his gob. Yeah, man, they've got phones. They've obviously all seen it. No, but there's

listeners at home. Who don't have phones. Oh, man, my phone has been going off. So I sent it to a meme page and I put that video with, yeah, behind blue eyes playing underneath it. And it's gone up on a very popular meme page, and already, like, within an hour of it going up,

hundreds of comments going, is this the guy from Wolf Mother? So it's funny, because some people write, this you, and they tag their mate in it. I'm like, who else would this be? Who else would eat like this? I got a message from an ex-girlfriend. She's like, I can't believe I used to go out with the spaghetti guy.

You're the new spaghetti guy. No wonder you're best friends with Nick Carr. I wrote back, can you fly for me? But yeah, look, not to say, but the thing that, the reason I said, like, did you know that I could hear what was happening on the phone with the bank guy? It was because you're saying, can I transfer money to another account just over the phone? And the guy goes, yeah, you can do it. You just need their BPAY information. And you go, right.

And how much money is currently in the account? And he goes, $30. And you go, and um how much money is currently in the account and he goes $30 and you go okay okay cool all right thanks and then you hang up and you hand the phone back to me and you go all good I don't think I should not be allowed to go overseas with $30 in your account how do you only have $30 when you don't even have rent to pay? Well, theoretically... My question is, how come you have that much in your account? This is upsetting for me because I already... My new best friend owes me substantially more than that.

Well, I don't know. It's a long story. Theoretically, I have $1,100. Theoretically? I'd like to hear this theory, quantum bad boy. Is this a hypothetical? There were some people who were meant to pay me that did not pay me. Oh. Yeah, yeah, but it's fine. What, the blood bank or who?

Were you donating semen? Nick Capa's been performing in those fights every night. Tonight. Tonight. New time oxy. Koh Samui International Stadium. Go Aussie. Tonight. I'm Muay Thai boxing. Koh Samui International Stadium. Go Aussie. Tonight.

I'm not going to warm up. Tonight. Behind blue eyes. Before the big fight. Spaghetti guy. If you take spaghetti, I've got nothing. I'm not going to be able to spot you. God damn.

I didn't have the heart to tell the eight million commenters that it was actually pad thai. But anyway, it doesn't matter. So you're owed money at this point. Did you, Dazzler, has he paid you back for last year's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Wow.

Yeah, but I owe Carl $390. $390? Very specific. Well, Carl said, why don't you just bring, I ran some rooms for Carl because it's about time. Comedy rooms. They were run correctly. Not sex rooms.

This is making me look bad to let everyone know that my judgement is let's get Nick Capper to take over my business. Anyway, I ran them very well. Best numbers they've had actually. And no, no, that was... I thought that would be sarcastic but it sounds like you guys actually believe me.

And that scared me. You had Brett Blake's ex flying for the gig, so there were three people there. Yeah, yeah. So Carl said, why don't you just bring the money over? The cash left. And then I said, after I'd left my key card in the airport, I was like, hey, Carl, got some good content.

That's what you say when you're bankrupting. Sorry, bank, I have got some good content. That's great. You're going bankrupt and you start a podcast immediately just so you can talk about it on that. I need to buy a house, but I have some real... I don't have any money, but I've got some good content. All the tension in the room, by the way,

is just everyone realising they're cooler than you. I don't know. I've still got my cowboy shirt and cool spaghetti video. Yeah, you're popping off online. It's good. Yeah, yeah. What if this is the only thing I get known for? Eating pad thai in front of audiences around the world.

Before the internet, people just did fuck stuff and got nothing out of it. People can follow you around and just record every fucking idiotic thing you do and you can become famous out of it. You would have been dead by now. I do like that you become like the I didn't do it kid and you just start all your show. Your comedy festival poster next year is you just having spaghetti hanging out of your mouth.

Spaghetti man. Imagine only being known for spaghetti. Oh yeah, check your Tinder, Kappa. Fuck, you know what we've got to do? We've got to recreate the video tonight. No. That's a big no. They just saw us all drink semen. They don't need to see Kappa eat spaghetti.

They've had enough. I've got $30 in my account. I'm more than happy to recreate this video. Spaghetti-os. I reckon that'll do. Yeah, I reckon we'd better wrap it up. It feels like it's drawing to a natural close. Let's give a big round of applause.

Nick Carr. Nick Kappa. Becky Lucas. Brett Blake. Dilwook Jai Singer. Guys, that is it for the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival 2018. Thank you to everyone who came out. Thank you to the Ozo, the wonderful Ozo in downtown Chawang. Thank you to the two people deciding we should get a standing ovation.

They're just leaving. To everyone else going, fuck that. Okay, good stuff. All right, thank you everyone. Thank you to the two people deciding we should get a standing ovation. Yeah. They're just leaving. To everyone else going, fuck that. Okay, good stuff. All right, thanks, everyone. Give a big round of applause to Jeremy Webb, our tech for the whole run. Yeah. And his sex life.

All right, thanks, everyone. And Milan, the eccentric Serbian billionaire co-sponsor of the festival. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you next. And just a quick update, I messaged the girl. And I said, hey, man, did I make you fly for me and was it weird? And she just wrote back, yes, you crumb. Fuck! All right, now we're really done.

And they've done it again for the final time. Back to back to back to back to back. Yep. Yep. Yet to have a bad one. I know. Never. Fuck.

That must be a first in podcasting. I reckon we should just deliberately do a bad one. I don't think we could. Sometime soon just to, you know, just to say we've done one. I don't think we could. Sometime soon just to say we've done it. I don't think we could. It'd be like a boxer trying to throw a fight, trying to fall over and then he accidentally bounces off the canvas and jumps up and knocks the other boxer out.

That's us. Sometimes I listen to a podcast that I subscribe to and they do a bad episode and I get a bit jealous. I'm like, this must be nice. This sounds fun. I wish I could relate to what this is like but unfortunately, I've got no way of knowing. I would love to have that sort of thing in my mind where I'm coming

off the back of a bad podcast and going, I really need to lift my game next week and have it inspire me to really do a good one. But we've never had to. Unfortunately, it's just like there's just the pressure on us to keep batting 100. But we've never had to. Unfortunately, it's just like there's just the pressure on us to, you know, keep batting 100. But we're so naturally good at what we do that there's just no pressure. Do you know what I mean?

We don't even need to think about it. We just come in here and just fart these out without even thinking about it too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a blessing and a curse. It's weird to relate to other people who can't metaphorically walk into a podcast and hit it out of the stadium first go. It's weird to relate to other people who can't metaphorically walk into a podcast and hit it out of the stadium first go.

All our friends in this country that do podcasts and they're like, you know how 90% of the episodes that you do suck? And we're like, no, we don't know what that's like. That's a shame for you. And when people say that, I was – and they're like, what's your secret? Can you give us any advice? And I'm always like, look. Be us.

Yeah. I can't do a big face-off, you know. I don't know how – you know, like the truly gifted players don't always make great coaches. Like Bradman couldn't go in and say, just be the best. Yeah. He can't teach someone that twitch muscle in him that just made him a great batsman.

We should develop a VR experience where it's like you get to put on the Oculus Rift and see what it's like, the Oculus Rift, and see what it's like to just be naturally gifted at podcasting around the clock. Yeah, not a lot of relatable gear this week, guys.

It's tough at the top. This could be it. This could be the first bad one. No, this is pretty good so far. I'm enjoying it. This could be the first bad one. No, this is pretty good so far. I'm enjoying it. I'm having fun. All right. So that's it for Koh Samui for this year or, you know, potentially forever.

We've made no plans. But 2018, thank you officially to everyone who came along. Thank you to everyone who came back for the second time. Thank you to people who came for the first time and listened to the last year and thought it sounded like a lot of fun. We should have done with this episode, you know with TV shows where they get to the end of a season and they haven't been renewed by the end of the season. Oh, yeah.

So they go into the last episode going, this could be it. Yeah. So they sort of need to tie up loose ends whilst also leaving it a bit open for if they come back. We should have done something like that in this episode. Loose ends? Well, we should have manufactured something. Right, right.

We should have left a year-long cliffhanger so that if we do go back next year, we've immediately got something to kind of follow up. We've got our plan of taking over the radio station. Well, yeah. Well, I did leave there without paying my minibar bill. Really? But they got me on the way out. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got an angry phone call. The hotel organised a van for us to go to the ferry to Copenhagen and then the hotel called the driver and the severity of the claim was so serious that the driver pulled over on the side of the road. Yeah. It was like if you didn't – you had to pay the bill then and you had to read your credit card out and then and only then

when he got the instruction that the check had cleared was he allowed to put the pedal to the metal and get us to the ferry. That was a bit odd and also I quite liked that it, I'm not the one

who rang up the bill. It was someone else staying in my room called my wife that had just done that and then done a runner and gone back to Australia. I'm glad you got more specific

because you were being vague enough in a way where a logical person would listen to that and think you were pinning it on me yeah right someone else yeah but yes as someone who has a reputation for uh you know being shit with money and not paying things boy it was nice to be on the other side of it for once just sitting in that van listening to you get rinsed over the phone going you piece of shit tough as well doing the old dine and dash because it's like yeah it was a bit like uh it was like, oh, you owe this much.

And I'm like, do I? I certainly don't take anything out of the minibar. It's like, all right, well, someone else must have done it. All right, no, I can't even argue with it. I'm like, fucking hell. Well, it was around the pool, wasn't it? Because I don't think they have a minibar in there. Okay, yeah, well, maybe.

So I didn't touch anything. I'm not the guy that buys anything from the hotel. Right. I'd rather just go down the street and get something for two cents. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, that's a loose end. So you're still yet to pay that. So we have to go back so you can fix up that $8 bill.

Man, yeah, man. So look, it was a great festival. I hope that came through on the episodes, on the bonus episode as well. All that sort of stuff. It was a – look, to be honest, it did turn my little island paradise holiday home into work but I got past it. In many ways, more work than not being on a holiday. Yeah, yeah.

It was still great. It was still – I think we were very proud of what we did. I think it was a very fun festival and who knows? Look, watch this space. Let us know if you loved it and if you want to go next year. I mean, I know that doesn't mean much because a lot of people hit us up and go, oh, we'll come if it's in 2020. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not a contract. Yeah. But, you know, expressions of interest are welcome. If we have a million people saying they at least want to go, then, you know, we'll look at it. But anyway, look, let's take a break from all the Zumu talk. What do we do from here though? That's the next thing. Let's have a rest from it. But anyway, look, let's take a break from all the Zimu talk. What do we do from here though? That's the next thing.

Let's have a rest from it. You know, it's a long way away. I'm going to erase the whiteboard. Yeah. All this info that's been sitting there for four months. I'm scrubbing it clean. I did a bit of that the other day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What? I had all Zimu stuff in an open Word doc for months and months and I went, that's done. That's done. Delete. In the trash. Yeah. So, look, we've got plenty of other things coming up this year that we're working on

at the moment so that'll be fun. Stand-up show reprise coming up, as we mentioned, up the top of the app on August 3rd and, yeah, starting to put the wheels into motion for, yeah, big, big live podcasts in, yeah, various places in the country. Yeah. So, hopefully more news about them soon as it comes to hand. Yeah, yeah. But some big ones, some big ones coming up.

So that'll be quite fun. But hey, more importantly, we got to talk about Patreon. Oh, yeah. We got to talk about those good little boys and girls out there. Everyone's favourite thing. Dip into the piggy bank and subscribe to us on Patreon. Those people that, you know, some people say to me, you know, they don't listen to this bit.

And I'm like, well, fuck you. But there are some people that go, you know, that are so keen because they just want to hear their names. It's quite cute. It's like romper room. It's like someone, you know, ringing into a radio station and trying to get on air. There's still a bit of that left in the world.

And this is the best part of the show. Yes. Yeah. As we said, you know, we haven a radio station and trying to get on air. Yeah. There's still a bit of that left in the world. And this is the best part of the show. Yes. Yeah. As we said, you know, we haven't had a dud one of these Patreon bits. Yeah. We're doing an ep after this, after we record this. Yes. Two friends of ours.

Yeah. You know, I'm dreading it. It's going to be work because those two schmucks will be getting in our way. We could be reading out people's names. Exactly. And that's instant fun. We could be reading out a name and. Exactly. And that's instant fun. We could be reading out a name and then that reminding us of

like fucking drinking apple juice in grade three, which is then a 15 minute chat with no jokes in it. Yes. No interesting content in it. This is the kind of shit I want to do full time from now on. Yeah. All I want is someone to come in and be called John O'Flaherty and that turned into a story about one time I knocked a

giraffe out with an apple. Like, what's so hard? Yeah. All right. Now, look. Okay. Let's do exactly what you said. Let's do this bit where, for first-time listeners, I'm sure there's a lot coming in on this episode.

Why wouldn't there? We have a little thing, an account on Patreon, patreon.com slash a little dum-dum club. It's a middleman that lets you guys contribute to what we do and make sure that this thing keeps working. You contribute your money and then the greasy little mitts of Patreon, they take a little percentage just for their hard work in the middle there, intercepting it, and then the rest of it straight into the old skyrocket. That's it. And it pays for us to basically produce all this bonus stuff.

To waste our lives. Yes. Even though we are earning money from it, somehow it's still a waste. Yeah. I think the original concept was that this money that people are sending us pays for the podcast. The actual thing that we do. To say anything of the podcast.

But really what it's doing now is just paying for the time we spend on the bonus features of this. We accidentally ended up in a position where it's four times as much work to be on Patreon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we are, you know, we were getting not paid to do one thing. Now we're getting paid to do one thing, but we're doing two things.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. Let's get into it. Let's read. Let's just, let's just read names until we get bored. Let's just, let's just.

Yeah. Well, okay. Well, we could stop now. Yeah. But. I'm not bored yet. Anyway. Let's get into it. Let's just read names until we get bored. Let's just, yeah. Well, okay. Well, we could stop now. Yeah. I'm not bored yet. Yeah. Well, let's crank up the old unplanned title alternator one more time this week. Hit the big red button.

Let's see. Okay, I'm bored now. That's fair. Let's see who's looking at us through the round window this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Tim Galbraith. Galbraith. Never seen that name before. Really?

I went to school with, I think, two Galbraiths. Really? That's remarkable. What was their first names? Tim? No, not Tim. Because I was going to say, that's what this guy's name is. You went to school with him?

No, I didn't go to school with him. I went to school with... I was going to say that's what this guy's name is. You went to school with him? No, I didn't go to school with him. Right. I went to school with- I was going to say that. Maybe people who are related to him. Maybe some cousins, maybe some brothers. Can you give us a name? No. Oh, really?

Yeah. Are you scared of just naming people- I'm scared of the Galbraith family. You're scared of just naming someone you went to school with? Yeah, I don't know. You don't want to just- There's no privacy law about who you went to school with. Well, he doesn't- I'm not reading his name out in this bit because he doesn't fucking pay money to the show.

Oh, okay. I was going to say, I could read out heaps of people I went to school with. Say a random name right now. There was a guy I went to school with called Carl Binks and he was spelt Carl with a K. And it was sort of quite annoying. And it meant that we were in the same class together. He had to put Carl B and I had to put Carl C. And you closed together in the alphabet too.

Yeah. That's annoying. Yeah, it was very annoying. So there you go. I'm happy to offer that name up. Yep. I think I went to school in grade one or grade two. There's who I mentioned the other week on the show.

I never heard any feedback. Amanda Searby. Oh, right. Never heard anything back from that. See, how shit's it going to be when our guests turn up and we can't do this for an hour? Boring. Carl Carl Binks.

Yeah. So no more info on the infamous Galbraith family? No, you don't want to cough anything up? No more info. I mean, I don't really remember. Were the two Galbraiths you knew related to each other? I don't believe so. I don't remember a great deal about them, to be honest. I mean, it was in late high school, which, as we know,

was about two years ago for me. Yeah, no, I don't really remember much about them, except for the name. The name has lodged into my head. It's a good surname. Give us one distinctive. Now, look, this stuff about you're always saying everyone's name is positive in here.

I've never heard – I always hear you go I like that name That's a good name No I say plenty of names I don't like What name? Name a name you don't like Oh fuck I don't have a mental recollection of all I'm not as good at remembering names as the great man over here Yes I'm particularly gifted

Alright well I've got my ears out for the next one You don't like a name I'll pick one in the mix that I don't like Galbraith I'm into though. I don't think I've ever heard a name you're not in favour of. There's plenty. It's like the 100% hit rate that we've got doing good podcasts. Yeah, alliteration I'm not into.

Okay. I talk about that a lot. All right. I'll cop that. Thanks, Tim. Very big of you. Thanks, Tim. Say hello to your friends.

Yes, I'll see you at the 20-year reunion. Yeah, bring your brothers. Thank hello to your friends. Yes, I'll see you at the 20-year reunion. Yeah, bring your brothers. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Michael O'Riordan. See this I'm not into. You're not into an O'Riordan? No, because having Ria in your name would be not good. Not good. Good?

Not good at school. Why? I think in the schoolyard, once everyone hits the age where you realise, and it is a short-lived period, but let's not beat around the bush. It is a period that exists in the lifespan of every adolescent boy, that it's funny to be gay. You would just be. Has it stopped for us yet or not?

Officially, in the canon of the show, yes. Officially in the canon of the show Yes Yeah look I understand How high school works Shout out Shout out to the pool At the villas in Copenhagen

But anyway Imagine Shout out to JFL Someone sent us the video again the other day The great JFL video where The guy holds up a stop sign That says I am gay And they've tricked him into saying, I am gay, to random traffic.

Yeah, and it's like people are honking, going, me too. And then he discovers it and he's like, oh. It's like, imagine, imagine. But yes, O'Riordan. We should reboot Dennis the Menace, and all he does to prank Mr. Wilson is he's constantly painting I'm gay on the back of his car. And putting his dick through a knot hole in the fence.

That darn kid. What a menace. Penis the Menace. People down the street think I'm gay. That's my Walter Matthau. Oh, nice. Yeah. Grumpy old man himself.

O'Riordan. Yeah. You'd have a bit of fun with that,umpy old man himself O'Riordan Yeah You'd have a bit of fun with that Wouldn't you O'Riordan Yeah not into it I'm typically not into I'm typically not into I don't like an apostrophe in there

Which I'm assuming this is Yeah Yeah Yeah totally I don't like the O's Which I know that you know Culturally is me basically saying the Irish I'm not into. Yeah.

But, you know, look, happy to have that on record. I'm happy for you to be negative about a name. That's fine by me. Yeah. What is that apostrophe? Because that means that it's like short for something, doesn't it usually? So what's O'Riordan short for? Oh, my.

Oh, my. my oh no reardon so we're thank you for for taking some sweet coin out of your orea and putting it into our little piggy bank nice yeah nice um reardon oh reardon uh Thank you to Patreon subscriber Rebecca Turner Turner Not into the name Turner No Now you just hate every name Well

I've switched around I'm not going to say why on air But I think you might have a pretty good idea Of why that name is not something I'm into Oh really? Yeah Is it Is it

I actually don't You actually don't? Yeah, but I'm guessing. Well, it's Irish. Rebecca O'Turner. All right, I'll tell you off, Mike. It's some bad memories. It's some bad memories.

Right. Yeah, some very bad memories. Okay. Ted Turner ripped me off back in the 90s. Ted Turner sacked your show from CNN. Wow. He started going out with Jane Fonda when you were rooting her in the late 80s. Yes.

Right. When you met her on the set of an exercise video, you and her were totally getting it on. Yeah. You were like, I really loved you in Barbarella 50 years ago. Let's go out. Ike Turner beat the shit out of me once. So this name is nothing but bad memories oh Ike Turner wow

back when Turner Overdrive sacked you from that band remember that? don't know what that is but sure I remember it very well BTO were they taking care of business I think I think they did that song you know that song

well yeah I do but I didn't know that was them well I'm really sorry. Well, actually, I shouldn't be sorry. I mean, I'm just reading the name out. Rebecca Turner should be sorry. You and I are both quite into music. I went to a trivia night the other night where one of the rounds was a guy on his iPod playing songs and going, who sings this song?

Right. But each week he goes through the alphabet. So for this week, it was you and V. Right. So every band is in the U of V. People should have walked in wearing sunglasses because there was a lot of UV in the room. All right, the roof's dead. Let's move on.

Tommy, Tommy. That's great because as you said that, then you started going Tommy and then the light on your computer went out. And so as you were beckoning to me, you were just instantly in darkness. Yeah, my computer was shutting down on me. But you know what? It's pretty amazing sitting there and hearing like a Van Halen song and a U2 song,

these huge songs that have been around forever that you just think everyone knows and seeing people around you be like, oh, what's this? Oh, yeah, right. I mean, I know the answer, you know, it's like not everyone is and seeing people around you be like, oh, what's this? Oh, yeah, right. I mean, I know the answer, you know, it's like not everyone is as into something as you are, but you know what I mean? It's like how do you hear the start of Jump by Van Halen and not immediately go, oh, that's Van Halen?

Well, you could say, oh, is this by Wide World of Sports? No, that's W. That's in a few weeks' time. Right, right Well, thanks Rebecca I'd like you to think twice about triggering Tommy like this Please, change your last name Have a think

And then subscribe again Yeah, please Come on, Jesus Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ashley Warren Oh, Warren. Well, see, Warren, I think it's – don't you think it's weird when a girl's surname is a man's first name? Now, is that a girl?

Is Ashley Warren a girl? Well, assuming. I think, yeah, Ashley can be a boy's name. Of course it can be. But I think it's more common that it's a girl's name. Is it? I think so. I think you see more female Ashleys.

I've known more male Ashleys than female Ashleys. Really? Okay. Well, I mean, if this is a guy, then great. Two men's first names. But if it's a, you know, if you would, a girl called like, you know, Rebecca Dad. Yes. I get it. I feel like that's weird. Yeah. I get it.

I feel like that's weird. Yeah. No, totally. You don't even need any explanation behind that for that to be weird. Yeah. Ashley Warren. Let us know if you're a boy or a girl. Yeah.

This could be a cool new segment on the show. Are you a boy or a girl? We have to ask this pretty regularly. Do we? Yeah. We have to ask pronunciation and genders pretty often in this crazy modern world. Yeah. Yeah.

Ashley Warren. Yeah, look, I'm going with you. I'm going to say she's a girl now. Great. In which case the last name Warren. A bit weird. But hey, you know. Ashley.

Ashley is a good name for a girl. I think so. Yeah. Not as good a name for a girl. I think so. Yeah. Not as good a name for a guy. I don't know. As a guy, being able to shorten it to Ash, I think is pretty cool. Yeah. Perhaps that's a generational thing for me, though,

where that was the name of the main character in the Pokemon cartoon. Oh, really? It's like, that's cool, man. Being the world's greatest Pokemon trainer, nothing cooler than that. Right. I relate. That's so autistic. I relate.

Well, I don't. I was too old for Pokemon. I did have a friend in primary school called Ashley. And he was called – this is a guy in primary school and he used to really go on about how big his dick was. So like what age? Well, whatever primary school he was like. So grade five, six?

Right. So what are you like? Is that like 11, 12? Eight or something like that? That's – if six is you're 11 so 10 11 years old that's crazy to be going on about your dick size at that age now i might be wrong but i'm happy for this to be stricken from the record but i believe he nicknamed himself snickers because his dick was the size of a snickers yeah wow yeah so my friend was telling me

I mean A is giving yourself a nickname But then giving yourself a nickname Off the basis of the size of your dick Yeah Is crazy It's almost like He's got the brain of a primary school student My friend was telling me

All the blood rushed to his Snickers About being in early primary school And her going to a co-ed school And the boys in her class Giving her a hard time about having small breasts, which is wild because it's like, well, everyone's developing. In what class? This would have been like, I think she was saying it was like year eight or nine or something.

It was like she was like the one in her friends to like develop the last. Right. But like the goal of a like 12-year-old prepubescent boy to be rinsing a girl about not having a huge set of knockers at the age 12 when they've probably got like these tiny pubeless dicks. Like where do you get off the fucking call? Head full of acne, squeaky voice. Yeah.

Yeah. But that's surfboard. Yeah. Oh, no, totally. But that's, you know, that's, you would have been the same. I would have been the same. That's what, that's. I did develop pretty late.

Yeah. It took me, it took me until 15 to get these big turkey melons that you see before you. Nice. They kicked in just at the right time. That would be funny if like, so, you know, like women, you know, before they hit puberty, they like don't have breasts. You know, they just, that would be funny if like men were the same. You just had a mound where there's no dick at all.

At 15, oh, it starts coming in. Did you ever have one of those guys or people that you went to school with where, you know, when they leave school and all of a sudden, maybe they're known for that. Maybe they're known for, oh, surfboard or, you know, they're known for something stupid like that. And they just go, fuck, I can't wait to get out of school and then just go to another school or whatever it is and then just walk into the new school and go i'm the cool

guy everyone i ride a motorbike or whatever they just reinvent themselves dramatically yes uni was big for that i knew a lot of people that were um yeah you know kind of dorky at school whatever that's fine but then going to a university and being like, hang on, no one knows. Because the worst was if you went to a uni or if you went to a college and someone else from your school is there as well that wasn't in the same group as you. Totally. And they're always got an eye over you.

They're like, nah, dude, no chance to reinvent. I know your past. Yeah, yeah. So it was always funny when you're like 20 and you bump into someone two years out of school and they're like wearing a leather jacket and they got their hair spiked up and they're like i've decided this is me now yeah yeah yeah yeah totally but to be fair that's like the last time in your life that you kind of can do that yeah you can't really you see people try and do it when they're like 30 and it's like you can only do witness relocation program yeah exactly yeah i mean i kind did that. I moved schools in at the start of year 11.

Right. And become the big-breasted Tommy Daslow. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got implants over the summer. Yeah. Nice. I didn't really attempt to rebrand though.

I should have. Right. But, yeah. Why? Why should you have attempted? Well, because like I was saying, you don't get that. Yeah, yeah. I didn't go to uni, so I didn't get to do it then.

I was going to be Rastaf and Tommy Daslow from then on. That would have been cool. But yeah. Yeah, I should have. I should have just had a crack. I should have had a think about it. Yeah, it'd be nice to live your life in someone else's shoes for a brief time. That's so funny, though, like turning up day one at a new school when you're like, you

know, 16 Leather jacket Shades on Hey I'm a cool motorbike guy I'm a 15 year old Cool motorbike guy That's You know That's slightly

Like a little A little Small dream I've had For many years To Just go to To pretend I'm not

The great Carl Chandler Of Australian comedy And just to go To some gig somewhere in the country, somewhere where, somehow find somewhere where people don't know who I am and go into a comedy show and just be the heckler. Just go in and just use all the skills I have earned over comedy and just destroy someone else's show.

But it would need to be somewhere where like you don't really – like we've been to the States where no one would know you there but you wouldn't – on the off chance that – that's a place that you potentially would want to work in the future. You would need to like – I mean I'm going to Japan soon and they have like in Tokyo and Osaka they have like once a month comedy nights there. Right. So I wouldn't mind burning industry bridges over there.

Wow. Burning your whole career in Japan. Fucking hell. Right. So I wouldn't mind burning industry bridges over there. Wow. Burning your whole career in Japan. Fucking hell. Jesus. You'll never get booked by the Tokyo Comedy Hut again. Yeah. Fuck. Wow.

Well, please. But it's also, it's like Japanese people before me. So at a certain point, it's just you being racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not even clever anymore. You don't have a lot of stuff to work with. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Well, thanks. Also, being racist, like if you went over there and started being racist, I mean, racism I feel like is at its worst when you're picking on a minority. Yeah, yeah. But if you're going there and being racist to someone and being horrifically outnumbered. A bigger country than the one we're from.

Yeah, and you're the only person who's not Japanese in the room. It's like it's almost not racism anymore. It's just absolute stupidity and you almost feel sorry for you because you're just going to get fucking killed. Yeah. It's almost not offensive anymore. Well, have I said it on, because, you know, Australia has a reputation for being somewhat of a racist country

when it comes down to it. Have I talked about when I was in Shanghai and they, like, the Chinese can be pretty racist in terms of, like, cabs won't pick you up, store owners are pretty shitty. Like, you go to Japan and people, like, most people speak a bit of English and they want to help you out. Yeah, they're very polite. Yeah, the Chinese are a bit of English and they want to help you out. Yeah. They're very polite.

Yeah. The Chinese are a bit like this fucking guy. Yeah. And it's like, you go there and you cop it and you're like, wow, this is what it's like. Yeah.

Like it's kind of like a VR experience for like a white person to experience racism. It's like, oh, this is what we do to people. And it feels pretty shitty. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

Oh man. And you know, they're the biggest, you know, amount of people in the world. They can, you know, they're number one. They can do what the fuck they want. Where do we get off being, when it comes down to it, where do we get off being racist to

people? Yeah, I don't know. We're no one. Yeah. Maybe we should stop. Yeah. Good point. Yeah.

Look, everyone, as we know, and I don't know if we've ever talked about this on the show, but the entire population of Australia listens to this podcast every week. And not only that, does whatever we say. Yes. So, guys, you know what? On behalf of everyone here at the Little Dumb Dumb Club, stop being racist. Ignore all the earlier episodes where we said, please go out and be as racist as you can. We did invent racism in this country on, I think, episode three.

And I'm prepared to say now, bit of a mistake. Yeah, we've changed our minds. Yeah. Yeah. We've grown. We've seen, we've changed our minds. Yeah. Yeah. We've grown. We've seen, we've listened to that story just then. Guys, this is Tommy speaking. Knock it off.

Right. It's only taken 400 episodes. Mm. Mm. Okay. Well, let's do one more, I reckon. All right. Now, there's not much point.

Now that we've solved racism, there's not much point really going on with too many more. All right. Let's do one more. Might as well just do one more. Hit the button. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Chin Chong Comedy.

Okay. Well, we've had the – I think that surname is familiar. I think I've heard that surname before. The comedy family now, there's a lot of them in the world. Yeah. They're not a minority at all. Yeah. There's a lot of them.

There's a majority. Yeah. So can you, sorry, spell that out. Just spell that out to me. C-O-M-E-D-Y. No, no, no, the first name. Oh, okay. Is that hyphenated?

I believe it is, yes. Right. Yeah. Right. It just, as it sounds. Okay. There's no, you know. Okay, okay. Silent letters in there or anything like that. Cool. Right It just as it sounds Okay There's no You know Okay

Okay Silent letters in there Or anything like that Cool Well I mean That's just That's just someone's name Yep

And you know We're not You know We're just reading it out Yeah There's nothing wrong with that Yeah If we

You know If we'd made that up And then just set it out For the sake of it I mean that would be bad Yeah But you know That's

I don't even know why I said that. Why list things that aren't happening? Why would we make up a name who is giving us money? Like, that would conceivably cost us money because we'd have to get that money and pay it to ourselves. There's probably an admin fee in there somewhere. Yes, exactly. So, yeah, there's absolutely no chance of that happening.

Does it say what part of the world, am I pronouncing this correctly, Ching Chong comedy comes from? Say it again. I'd prefer not to. I'd prefer you to just access your memory and remember me saying it the first time. All right. Location. Yeah, yeah.

Let me see. Oh, wait, I can see the screen over your shoulder. Can you? Yeah. What does it say? Hong comedy. Gee, I'm glad we fixed that problem we had earlier on. Which is formally under British rule,

so this could be a white person for all we know. Oh, when did we say there wasn't a white person? Well, no, good point. I'm just spitballing. I'm just throwing out every option. I didn't know we were – look, that could be a good game for next time. Are you white? Let's guess whether our listeners are white or not.

The percentage of whiteness maybe. Oh, well. Anyway, great. Thank you. That'll do. Yeah, thank you. Thank you to all the people that subscribed this week from whatever country you're there from.

Whatever continent. Whether you had just like a single-barreled first name or a double-barreled first name. Yeah, great. You know, we really appreciate all your support. All colours, creeds and races, we appreciate every single one of you that chips in. Yeah, and just as we respect the name that your parents have given you,

we will read them out no matter, you know, if they sound a little bit different to what we're used to maybe. I mean, yeah, look, we're both – it's fair to say we're both pretty woke. Yeah, totally. And, you know, sometimes some of these names come through and they, you know, they sort of, oh, here's Prickup and we go, oh, boy, this, you know. That could be in a different atmosphere. That could be taken the wrong way in a different sort of context.

I mean, I live in the inner north so I'm kind of, you know, constantly kind of attuned to sort of hearing these kinds of things and, you know, my senses start to fire up. But at the end of the day, if it's just a name that's been written in, our hands are tied. Yeah. You know, we're under an obligation to these people. They contribute on Patreon.

Part of the terms and conditions is that we have to honour the tears that we've put on there and the things that we've said that we're going to do for these donors. So we have to read them out. I did – look, I did make one error. There was a request in there to say that I was to read that name out as I was driving past the podcast yelling it out of a car window. Right, right, right.

Okay, well, look, we can fix that up. We can – I'll edit that in post. Yeah, I'll put the sound effect of a car in there. Sweet. Anyway, thanks to everyone who contributes, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. We really appreciate it. Head to littledumbdumbclub.com for Anyway, thanks to everyone who contributes. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. We really appreciate it. Head to LittleDumbDumbClub.com

for tickets and links to things that we've got coming up in the future. Keep an eye on the socials because we'll be announcing a bunch of big stuff very soon. Hope you enjoyed these Koh Samui episodes. We'll be back next week with a new studio episode. But until then, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See ya, mates!