The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 405 - Dave Thornton & Oliver Clark

Episode Date: July 10, 2018

We're back in the studio! We teach OLIVER CLARK how to hold a microphone and DAVE THORNTON brings in a long-lost award that we all share. We also hear about Tommy's recent foray into voiceover work, Milan shows up with some treats and we reminisce about our time working together on Studio A! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:MELBOURNE: We're doing our 2018 stand-up shows back-to-back for one night only! AUGUST 3. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with very special guests, Dave Thornton and Oliver Clarke. First of all, though, we got to let you know about a thing that we have coming up. We are both doing our incredibly popular stand-up shows from this year's festivals at the European Beer Cafe, Friday, August the 3rd, kicking off at 7pm. Yeah, 7.30. You guys have heard of the blockbuster comedy show Nanette.

Well, we know Hannah Gadsby and we do shows in the same genre, comedy. Yes. So, come and see Tommy Dasolo's, back to back, Tommy Dasolo's, what's yours called? Oh, Jesus Christ. I know. It's called Tommy Dasolo. It's back-to-back. Tommy Dasolo's, what's yours called? Jesus Christ. I know. It's called Tommy Dasolo's Shit List. Thank God you said that. Now that reminds me of what mine's called.

Mine's called Leisure Suit Tommy. Yes. And yours is called Carl Chandler's Shit List. Yes. They are both going to be happening, yes, back-to-back one night. So if anyone missed them during this year's run or if you just want to see them again, which why wouldn't you because they're both great. Friday, August 3, 7.30 p.m. till roughly 10 p.m.

Friday night. What could be better? No work on a Saturday. Yep. Yeah. Well, sometimes people – I've been working Saturdays lately. No, no, no. I'm not letting anyone in that works on a Saturday.

You work Saturdays. I'd never stop, mate. I'm working now. Some people would say this isn't work. I do. It's work. Everything I do is work. Yeah.

I mean, this hasn't been fun for me for about six years now. So this has never been. That was a performance that laugh. I just thought it needed it. I wasn't having fun when I laughed then. Friday night, maybe we all go and hit a karaoke bar afterwards. Oh, wow. You know, the night is ours.

The night is, you know, the night is ours. Is that what you're guaranteeing for people that come along to see our show, that there's more? I'm just floating options. Right, okay. Melbourne's a big city. There's all sorts of things available to people. I don't want people to think that they have to see the shows and then just go home. Okay.

I want people to remember that this could be the beginning of a night. Are you saying we're going to give people an option of what to do afterwards? Yes. All right. Maybe you'll come along, you have people an option of what to do afterwards? Yes. Maybe you'll come along, you know, you have a good time, then you head out on the town. Maybe you meet the love of your life afterwards. You know, maybe this will be forever. Every time you make love to your partner from now on, you'll think of me and Carl doing comedy the hour before you met.

Particularly if you meet us and we're the love of your life and you're making love to us. Particularly if you're getting spit roasted by us. Just think of like, wow're the love of your life and you're making love to us. Particularly if you're getting spit-roasted by us. The loves of your life. Remember those guys I saw do comedy an hour ago? Now they both fuck me all the time. We are both poly. That's something that happened over in Thailand.

We're now both polyamorous. It's exciting stuff for the podcast. Can't wait to see the kind of stories that we're going to have on the show from now on. Great. Anyway. Anyway, littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can go to get tickets to that. That's it. Nothing more we need to say in advance of this episode.

Enjoy it. Enjoy it while it lasts because it's only going to be around for about an hour and then you'll have heard it and then there's no going back. And you must burn it after you listen to it, this episode in particular. Correct. So Dave Thornton and Oliver Clarke, we'll see you after this for another edition of Talking Dumb Dumb. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the little D-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. He's done it again. He's made it. Oh, he's gotten rid of the old catchphrase. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, sorry. No good day dickhead anymore. Sorry, I forgot I said that. Wow. Fucking hell. Someone's still on holidays. I never listen to this show. I forgot.

It's amazing that it's not even muscle memory At this point kicking in Jesus Christ G'day dickhead G'day dickheads Thank you Now we can officially begin Man Love this show

400 and a bit in If you want to rebrand at this point This is the time to do it Yeah I feel like I don't want to see effigies of me Being burnt down You know

Down Glenferry Road If I change it up Maybe people aren me being burnt down, you know, down Glen Ferry Road. If I change it up, maybe people aren't happy. But it'd be localised to Glen Ferry Road. Yeah. Nowhere else in the city. That's our biggest, that's my biggest fan base. Right. Just people that I shop alongside.

Yeah. It does seem like that area is our key demographic. Yeah. Based on the fact that the amount of times that you get harassed, meanwhile on the north side, I never see anyone that listens to this show. Oh, really? Yeah. Once in a blue moon, I'll get assaulted in the street.

Should I do a bit of this up top just before we get our guests in? Look, are a certain friend of the show, speaking of being harassed by listeners, my text line is always open. Yes. As we all know. Not willingly, but it is always open. No, yeah, that's it. I got a text last night, just in case you didn't know about a certain friend of the

show, what he's up to these days. Text from someone who said, my partner and I are currently on the bus in Perth. Fleety just got on and tried to tag on. His card didn't work, so he told the driver, I'm a comedian. And the driver had pity on him and let him on. So anyway, welcome in the guests. I'm going to try that. Every time I get on a tram from now on, I'm a comedian.

Yeah, yeah. Free Ubers. Hey, our guests on the show this week are Oliver Clark and Dave Thornton. Yes. Good to be here G'day dickheads I took it I can't believe Urkel didn't say the catchphrase Did I do that?

At least Lee's got his catchphrase Which is I have no money Let me on a bus I'm a comedian Thank you very much I'm a comedian, get me on a bus The Channel 31 version Comedian. Thank you very much. I'm a comedian. Get me on a bus. The Channel 31 version of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of It.

And I liked how your texter said they took pity on him. Not, okay, well, here's a free lift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They saw it as what it was, which is, geez, throw this guy a bone. Yeah. He's not ashamed to do it, though, is he, Floody? He's all out there. Oh, now, talk about muscle memory. That must be his. That's his muscle not ashamed to do it though, is he, Fleety? He's all out there. Now, talk about muscle memory.

That must be his. That's his muscle memory. He does it for shopping too and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Because you said the person texted you saying he tried to tag on, which I assume you meant tap on or did I mishear that? That's what it says here. He put tag because I thought that meant that like he'd gotten on. Was this person with his girlfriend that Fleety had hopped on and then just tried to grift

into their conversation. Oh, right, right, right. So that's his new thing. He's moved on from asking for Australian cash currency and just trying to bum the currency of friendship off people. Yeah. Which a classic Fleety manoeuvre is, I'll put you in the next book.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He always does that and you go, geez, oh no, he's all right. Let's move on from his old one. I'll put you in season two of Die on Your Feet. We're still waiting for that call. Yeah. We're still waiting for that call. We're meant to have roles in that thing.

I think that show was so bad, a better one would be, hey, I promise I won't put you in season one. I'll edit you out of season one. Thank God. Well, no, you're in there, aren't you? You're in season one. I am in that I'm in Die On Your Feet

And Look I would call it a highlight For now Corinne Grant Snogged me Oh nice In a scene

I was a waiter And she was supposedly gargled She's pretty smashed In the scene And then we were out In an alleyway And then she just Kind of face raped me

Like John John Is this the same series Clare Hooper was in with Floody? Yeah. She had to work out with Floody as well. Is that the same series? I think her character fucks him. Fucks him? Yeah.

Oh, nice. You didn't get that with Corinne? No. I think that's what Floody's been promising us for season two. Just, I'll fuck you in season two. If you'll let me on your bus. Get a little hotter on that mic. You're not in electric-laden studios here. There we go.

That's better. I like a bit more gain. There's only so much gain can do when you're holding it down around your fucking groin. That's not a groin, Mike. That's a normal length of holding. No, no. Man, he's atomic thrust in that mic.

It's not Tom Jones. And I know, just look at you all holding it so far up on the mic. Get a holder mic down really far on the stem. If you're holding the mic further down than Dave Thornton, you're in trouble. Thornton likes to leave the mic at home in Northcote or whatever and then do the gig in the CBD. That's my jam.

I know this is a visual joke at this point in time because we're all holding the mics okay but Tim, you're holding it like a grade two kid holds a recorder. You've got your fingers laced on the mic.

Wow. He does. I'll hold my pinky up now. He's about to play Ode to Joy. He's about to play in the jungle. We're all holding

the mic weird. Alright, let's just get past it. We've all got our own styles and they all look great. Guys, I wish you could see this. It's fucking wild in here at the moment. It is crazy.

There's a variety of grips going on. It's good stuff. Good grips. Imagine a funny way of holding a mic, and we're doing it. One of us is doing it. Yeah, absolutely. I did a voiceover the other day in a professional booth, and, oh, boy, it felt good to hear my voice filtered through

a good quality microphone and speakers instead of the fucking rot that i have to listen back to this on every and was this a tampon ad or what was this yeah why did they got onto me through this he sounds like a core demo they got onto me through this so they're like yeah we heard your voice on the podcast and i'm like there has to have been a mistake here like they were like this the record will go for three hours and i'm like i'm not blocking three hours out of my day. I'm blocking out half an hour for me to get there and for them to hear me talk and go, pretty awkward, but we've made a mistake here. We actually wanted the other guy.

Look, we'll pay you the day rate for wasting your time. Look, we'll pay you. Harley Davidson are a man of our words. Here's the money we said we'll pay you. But why didn't they get the other guy? They went straight to you. They didn't go to KC up here. No, they went straight to me.

They wanted this. They wanted that. They wanted it. What was the product? What's the product? Come on. It's for uni in Sydney. Okay.

Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah, you do have the sound of a man who's constantly studying and out of work. Damn it. I tried to head you off at the bus. Out of several degrees. Out of work. Damn it.

I tried to head you off with the baths. Yeah, it was weird because the agency is in Sydney. Right. So it was me in a booth by myself and then them kind of like talking to me through the headphones. Oh, that's awkward. Yeah. And halfway through they started calling me Billy.

Nice. And I don't correct them. I just go with it. I'm like, yeah, Billy here, logging on. And then you go to cash the check and it's made it to Billy Daslo. I can't fucking use either of these. That's the thing that finally makes me make it legal. Like, well, I want this one check,

so I guess I have to legally change my name just to cash this check. Oh, a little Billy University kid. A little Billy Uni. But then, yeah, at one point they played a take back to me. name just to cash this check a little billy university little little billy uni but then yeah at one point they were they played a take back to me they were like this one you did was really good try and do the rest of them like with this energy so they play it back to me and then they're like so do you get that i'm like and i just start fucking around with them i'm like damn that guy sounds sexy and they all laugh and i go boy i'll tell you what it's a i'm glad i'm

in this booth by myself right now, I'll say that much. And then there's a bit of silence and then one of the women in the room goes, careful, Billy. Am I going to be the first guy to get Me Too'd by a satellite link? People in a different state? I love it that you're already burning Billy's reputation around the voiceover scene. He's a loose cannon at Billy Dassolo.

Yeah, that's a good time to have a name that's not right. All of a sudden, none of the mud sticks to Tommy Dassolo anymore. Exactly. Wow. Billy Dassolo is a kid from the wrong side of the tracks. I'll tell you what, he gets results. And he also wanks in a fucking sound. He loves it.

In fairness, if you're going to get uni students in, He also wanks in a fucking soundproof. He loves it. It was, man, it was good. In fairness, if you're going to get uni students in, that's the age where you're fapping yourself senseless. Like you have hit, like, that's exactly the character you need. Does that come through on an ad though? Do you listen to an ad for uni and go, that guy's definitely pulling his dick. I want to study, I want to study fucking human movement

at this university. Human movement. All right. Do you think maybe that was why they wanted this voice? Because they want to subconsciously trigger for all the men listening, it's like this sexy woman voice. It's like, oh, yeah, there's going to be hot college girls at uni. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like they're hearing this voice urging them to come to uni and they're like, wow, this person reading this ad sounds like a real babe. This sounds like a 0055 number from old school. Very androgynous, there's no doubt about it. I loved it, though. I loved doing a voice. You do a lot of them, Thorno.

Mate, I'm on a hot street with Liquorland at this point in time. I've even walked into a Liquorland, had myself playing over loudspeakers and kind of looked at the guy like, he's here. Great. That's a great answer, right? The voice that's brought in all those fucking drunks. You're welcome. Are you then tempted to try and like, you know,

go for a discount or go for something? It's me. Do you do it? Come on, hook us up. Does it work? I haven't verbalised it, but I've been a bit like. Have you tried to say the same lines that are going on the ad? Oh, mime along.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Liquorland, we've got a drink for. Have you tried to say the same lines that are going on the ad? Oh, mime along. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lickaland. We've got a drink for that. Oh. That's great. Have you got a Pinot Noir? Have you got a drink for that?

We've got a drink for that. Yeah. Yeah, there's all of those ones. See, I can never do a bottle shop for it. It's like you can't have someone who sounds underage spruiking for Dan Murphy's. Come on in and get absolutely fuck-eyed at Dan Murphy's. Come in, we've got cheap goon. Passion Pop's on special this week. We've got lemonade too.

Hey, that girl at O-Week's got fake ID and she's not afraid to use it. I wouldn't know, I just get left in the car out the front. People going, is that that Billy Dasselot again? Is he jerking it in Liquorland? Billy. Lazy Billy. Billy the Kid. It's a bit of a media week special this week because we've got also

Ollie Clark for a bit of relief at the Bowser. Oh, absolutely. Brand ambassador. Not Billy Dassler relief at the Bowser. He's not jerking it in BP. Well, you're sticking something into a hole still. Squirting it in. The Bowser's a great name for it.

It's so good. The Bowser. So, Olly Clark, you are the face of... BP Velocity Rewards. It's a partnership between the two. Technically it's BP, but Velocity. But I don't get any kickback from the Velocity or the BP, apart from the sweet, sweet cash.

I mean, that is a kickback. I do love that. I've been very guilty of it, even today, where you go, look, I get nothing out of this job apart from getting paid for doing my work. But you go, but why don't I get everything else as well? Sense of entitlement. But definitely when I'm filling up at the Bowser at BP,

I do think I should be getting it for free. Do you ever get scared that you're going to get papped filling up at Shell or anything? Yeah, are you allowed to? I'm allowed to. Well, this is the thing. There's nothing in the contract and they're not giving me petrol vouchers to fill up at BP. If they did, I'd be filling up there. But I fill up wherever I need to

because sometimes you don't get to choose, do you? It just kind of happens. And if you're like me, I just let it go down pretty low and then I'm desperate. Oh, I wait for the light. I used to wait for the light to come on. And then we had that when we were driving back from Canberra like two years ago. And the light was on for a good like 40 minutes.

And then the light started blinking in my car. I was like, never seen this happen before. And then we still got another 40 minutes out of it. And I'm just playing very fast and loose with my petrol meter. Now that you know that's what it can do. Yeah, and that's going pretty hard down the freeway as well. Why would you fill up if it's not blinking? Yeah.

I haven't filled up since then. I haven't filled up since we went to Canberra. Yeah. Airline pilots do the same thing. If it's not blinking, we'll keep going. Yeah, we don't want to fill up at this price. Red lights, come on, Captain. No need to worry just yet, Jimmy.

All right, it's blinking. Let's pull over at Dubbo. No, we're soaring. Put it in N. See if you can cruise this one out. No, that's wrong. Well, speaking of your life at the moment, so we're back from Koh Samui.

Tommy Daslow, a.k.a. Billy Daslow. Thank you. Renowned voice artist. Slash public masturbator. Not public. Booth masturbator. Yeah, Booth. The Booth boy.

Booth boy. Booth in it. Billy the Booth. Billy the Booth. They call him Billy the Booth. Look, I mean, you want – look, it's a known fact. You get him voicing the ads for your product and those things fly off the shelf. You might be saying to yourself, this seems like a done deal.

Why wouldn't we do this? Well, there's a cost. He's going to get in that booth and his brother, he's going to cover it in semen. So, look, the bills for cleaning this stuff out of the walls are going to be astronomical. But, I mean, what a voice. There's only one thing on the ride at Chuck's Superwash. And you jerking it sounds really good in there as well. Word to the wise, you get Billy, but you also get the booth.

Yeah. That's what happens. Yeah, I'm like, you know, like Sanderlands has his own like gold microphone. I'm like that. I have to supply my own booth purely because of what I'm doing in there. So it's a little trailer on the back of my car. Billy brings his drop sheet with him. You get a great ad for a uni.

It's not Poland. You get a great ad for uni. It's not Poland. You get a great ad for the uni, but you can only play it after 11 o'clock at night. That's the only thing. Tell you what I did like being there. University's a nasal spray. That is Billy's jam. Being in there with the headphones on

and the really high quality mic, and then they have a little jug of water there for you, just like pouring out some water and it being picked up by that crystal microphone and then hearing it back in your ears. And what happens when you come? Do you hear the squirt through that microphone as well? pouring out some water and it being picked up by that crystal microphone and then hearing it back in your ears. Oh, it feels good. And what happens when you come? Do you hear the squirt through that microphone as well?

Yeah, it's the exact same sound. Crystal clear? Just gallons of it. It's flat? Yeah. How was that? I regret bringing this up. Do it again.

All right, I already am. Just have a vision of me sitting in a courtroom with this playing over the speakers and just my head being hung in shame. But, you know, a courtroom is a type of booth, so at the same time I'm pretty revved up by being in there. Don't put him in the witness. Oh, no! Billy's done it again.

But, yes, Billy's. That's not a gavel that they're hitting. No objection from me. Gavel. We're just back from Koh Samui I don't know if you guys heard about this But we went to the Koh Samui We were selected to go to the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival this year

Well I can see that you still got the wristband on there I do, I actually do It's like a tattoo A ticket holder You had to buy a ticket yourself Look at this guy Just like a kid who's kept his stamps on from the night before When he's headed out to a nightclub

I've still got my big day out wristband on. Yeah, yeah. The people that have been back from Meredith for like two months. It's like, man, that's felt. That's fabric. It stinks. Take it off. Well, that's all me.

All those things are me. He owns it. I love it. Still got the braids in your hair. Yeah, yeah. Still got the henna tattoo on your back. The tramp stamp. Why would he take it off?

We are back. Well, we've done back-to-back stamp. Why would he take it off? We are back. Well, we've done back-to-back appearances. We've done it again. Pretty rare for any festival to book the same headline in two years in a row. And, you know, the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, it would be applauded for their progressive takes on things like this.

Yeah, the heads of that festival in their wisdom have made the right call. Yep. The head hon shows up there. If I was them, that festival in their wisdom have made the right call. Yep. The head honcho's up there. If I was them, I'd possibly look into doing it three times in a row. And you'd be happy to do it, of course. Well, we'll see. Yeah.

We'll see. I'll look at my calendar. Make the decision when it comes. I'll look at my calendar. I've got a lot of things going on. You've got a lot of stuff going on. Yeah. Like I might be just in Koh Samui just vacationing.

I might be busy. You might be. There might be some voiceover work Billy can't handle I'm sorry, I could be going to do a show in the same resort That I'm actually vacationing, that's holding the podcast But I need to have some time off These are the kind of negotiations that the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival directors Are going to have to enter into with you

Just like you wish to share the same agents So we are back, me and Tommy are both back So we're recording in my house at the moment. We're not recording in Tommy's house because Tommy doesn't have a house. Yeah. No house. Yeah. I was tempted to try and shack up in the booth.

Yeah. It's pretty comfy. The sticky booth. Soundproof. There's enough room for a futon in there. That must be tough coming back. There's water. You're a director of the festival and you've come back and you don't even have a house

to go to. Yeah. It is good. Something I'm rapt to talk about in public. Good. That's why I brought it up. You were the only man who went to Thailand and a tsunami took you home from Melbourne. I mean, so, yeah, we went over there.

So, yeah, I basically found out like a week before we left, it came up that I was going to have to move out of my house while we were away and come back with nowhere to live. And at that point, I hadn't bought a ticket back from Thailand yet, so I knew I was heading off with my suitcase full of stuff, no ticket home. And there was, you know, I did enter into a moment of the Carl Chandler fantasy of just like, is this it?

Anal. Well, Thailand's the place to do it. Of just, yeah, me going, is this it? You know, I've got nothing to come back to. What if I just live in Bangkok from now on? How good. And you could do this podcast via stream or whatever you do, down the wire, you know?

No, look, if he's going to be over there, I guess I could go over and, you know. It wouldn't be right to do it all via Skype. I should be in the same room as Tommy. What about crunchy your cat? Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. That would actually be amazing if it just turned out that Tommy's the one that moved to Thailand. Fuck, yeah.

How gutted would I be? I'm tempted because I get the impression, and I could be wrong here, that your wife is pretty close to putting the foot down on these frivolous constant trips from you to Thailand. I was told today that she definitely will not be back. She's definitely not going to go back there. So I love the idea of just to spite you. I just start going there constantly now,

just to rub it in that you can't go as often as you would like. Yeah, yeah. Purely there out of spite. I'll find a way. Just on the beach. This will show him go as often as you would like. Yeah, yeah. Purely they're out of spite. I'll find a way. Just on the beach, this will show him. That's a good enough reason for anyone, though. Spite is fantastic. It's the best motivator.

And to get this guy angry, Carl Chandler, is a pretty funny sight to see. It takes a bit. It takes a fair bit to get me. No, it takes indoor soccer to get this man angry. And I've seen it too many times to count. It really doesn't take much. It does not take much. This is amazing because I only thought about this today

because went down past the school where you guys play indoor soccer. That's the best bit. You're getting furious and it's at a school. That's what I find very funny. I'm like, this isn't like Wembley. We're at a primary school in a basketball court kicking at a small goal. Yeah, because there's distinct white line fever when you cross. Totally. Primary school in a basketball court kicking at a small goal. Because there's distinct white line fever when you cross.

Totally. Yeah. He's a passionate man and he loves to play. And he plays hard. That's the thing. If you're going to be competitive, why not as primary school? So, Ollie, you're a pretty regular fixture on the Greg Larson's Rat World team. I'm a regular fixture in the team, for sure. In the team that we play for, which is Greg Larson's Rat World.

Yes. And we play – we alternate between Division 1 and Division 2 We do But at the moment We have forfeited a number of games And so we've been kicked out of the league Yes For the time being

Really? Yeah Well we're coming back though 18th of July I believe is our first game Or next Is it next week? I think it might be next week Which

Well soon Anyway So we're back We're in pre-season at the moment obviously We're training up Training up Look at the moment, obviously. Yeah, we're training up. Training up. Look at the irony. Chandler runs a comedy room and is gutted when anyone pulls out from the bill

and then he says he's going to be there every Sunday at indoor soccer and doesn't turn up. How the tables have turned, Chandler. It's not just me. It's not like I pull out and the rest of the team go, we can't go on without the great man. That would be very good if like the gig that you run, all the audience have turned up and you get up there and you're like,

sorry guys, we've had to forfeit the gig because not enough comedians turned up. So yeah, what can I say? This week at Thursday Comedy Club it's a buy round. So you guys can go and do whatever you want from now. No refunds. No refunds. Yeah, no, we are both.

So yeah, no, we're stalwarts, Oliver Clarke and I. Yes. We're Greg Larson's rat world. Yeah. There's not many from the original line-up. It's me, you, Stu Dorman and maybe someone else. No, Ben Knight. Yeah, I don't think he was there from the very start, was he?

I think he was. Okay. I think he absolutely was. So pre-season training, you guys just out there, what, punching school children in the street just to get ready for getting back on the court? No, no, no. We just kick their heads.

We need something that resembles a ball. How's the junior division of Rat World going that we've talked about on the show before? I think they won division one. I think they won the top division. They're kicking us. Oh, the junior squad? Yeah.

We've talked about this on the show So very briefly There's a team that we Got into a fight with And one of our players Basically punched a child At like 19 or something Yeah

And then I think One of the dads Was playing in goal So the whole team's like Underage And then one of the dads Is in goal So one of our players

Hits a kid And then the goalkeeper The dad Runs out and belts him and it's all going on and we're like fucking hell jesus christ everyone gets sent off whatever it is we we sort of sheepishly finish the the game and drive to the pub or whatever and the car full of kids pulls up alongside us and in in traffic and basically just points at us and laughs at us. Like, you fucking little cunts. But then they found – I don't know how they did this, but they found us online. They found that we have a fan page, Greg Larson's Rat World, online.

They find this and start trolling us online on the Facebook page. I don't know why they thought to think that we would have a page on there, but they found us there. But they very quickly went from, like, one of our players punched them in the head. And then instead of being, like, dirty on us and going, fuck these guys, let's get them, they just went, we love these guys now.

We love them. And so every week they get on our page and go, how did the great Rat World go this week? And we're like, can we, permission, we want to change our name to the Greg Larson's Rat World Development Squad. Even though they beat us that game about 15-3 or something like that. submission we want to change our name to the greg larson's rat world development squad even though they beat us that game about 15-3 and they're in a now in a different division there i think they

won the division one we're in division two yeah which is where we belong i don't think we've had our time up at division one and we do not do well we do a good uh i think your blood pressure goes too high in division one to be honest I feel like division two is a bit more settling yeah I don't think I think my blood pressure is about the same yeah you're right

I was being nice but I wasn't in that game with those junior at world guys though I didn't but I know who the team is that's a nice alibi you know

I don't want to be putting kids in the face nice one did some of them start listening to this I feel like we may was that a thing at some point I don't know about that I feel like we may, was that a thing at some point?

I don't know about that. I feel like we had reason to believe that they may be listening to it. I know we definitely played against a team one time where we kicked the shit out of them and then at the end a guy comes up and goes, hey, listen to the show. I was like, oh, sorry. That is a very dumb, dumb equation though. You punch someone in the head, then they start listening to your podcast. Yes.

That can only happen in a dum-dum world. We need to get like brass knuckles made that just have the imprint of like listen to the little dum-dum club and then we go out and get fights with people and then the next day they're in the mirror looking at their forehead and it's like what's this URL that's engraved into my skull now? But it is nice to get – He screamed, hey, mate. Hey, maker.

He screamed, hey, mate. Hey, maker. Well, yeah, I was at a bar having dinner with some friends the other night and I ordered my food and a drink and then about 15 minutes in, my friend went to get us a round of drinks and she goes up to order and the guy taking the order goes, oh, where are you sitting? And she's like, oh, in that other room kind of like next to the wall. And the guy goes, oh, at the table with Tommy Dasolo. And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah, like just not knowing because I hadn't

because I'd suggested going to this place but I'd just suggested in the way that like I'd walked past and seen it and just went, hey, this looks good. And so she's going, wait, does he know the people that run this joint and like why has he kept that a secret like why has he come up with this big lie and she's like oh do you know him and the guy's like no I listened to his podcast and she's like oh okay and he goes yeah he made fun of me on it once so then she comes back to the table and goes right this is weird and so then i'm sort of thinking about it all night and then on the way out i'm like hey did did i i made fun of you on the pot

were you at a live show and he goes no it was at um it was a story about you bumping into me at um kate mcclennan's birthday at a bowls club a few years ago and like it was fine it was funny but yeah you were kind of like roasting me so i don't know what the story is i don't i have no way of finding that episode where i talked about it maybe one of our eagle-eared listeners who you know well when you say you have no way you do i do but i don't know how to find that exact episode where i talked about that right like there's no way of me like searching it's not like an episode that she was on or anything oh i don't know how i would find that out. Okay. I think it had just happened that weekend and then I talked about it.

Right, right. But, yeah, I need to work out what I said about this piece of shit. That's the great thing. I'm doing it again. Yeah. And he stank. Fuck this guy. Yeah.

Was it equally just as hard because as your mate ducked off and left you in the booth on your own, you would have just started fapping. He comes over. It's just you in a pool of your own misery. Yeah, well, I go out and I'm like, I go out and I'm wearing a moustache and I'm like, I hear that you've been saying that my friend was sitting with Tommy Dasolo. I'm actually Billy Dasolo, his long-lost twin.

I mean, the stuff that guy says is reprehensible. And also, this booth you've got, the acoustics are shocking. I can barely hear the sperm hitting the seat. What microphone are you using? My thing is wanking in a voiceover booth. I would never make fun of someone on a podcast. I find that kind of humour deplorable. Yeah, yeah.

That makes sense. Yeah, I had a similar thing where Brunswick Bars, the pool just near where I live, Mickey had actually gone for a swim, my partner, and then she called me quickly and was like, I forgot a towel. So I'm like, okay, well, yeah, I was ducking out. I'll drop a towel off at the front desk. And then I got there. God, you're an ally. And then, called me quickly and was like, I forgot a towel. So I'm like, okay, well, yeah, I was ducking out. I'll drop a towel off at the front desk.

And then I got there. God, you're an ally. Heroes don't always wear case, mate. So Walter Raleigh is alive again. There we go. The lady. All right, I was on my way to Club X. I guess I can drop a fucking towel off at the pool for you.

But the towel I wiped my dick off with. He's back. There we go. And, yeah, I get to the front desk and the guy was like, oh, okay, are you going to come in in the pool with all the pee in it? And I was like, sorry? And he's like, you said it on radio. You said this pool's got pee in it.

And I was like, okay, not one of my shining moments because I don't think no one in comedy has ever touched that. People pee in a public swimming pool. Look at this guy. Yeah, that'd be great. You check into a flight. Let me guess, the food on this thing is going to be pretty bad, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, no, good one.

Have fun up there, mate. We get it. We'll make the rest of the plane out of the black box material. Good one. I would love – I know Posh Spice And you've got to stop Moving her out of the way When you grab that mic

Do you think there's any airline Genuinely working on a plane That's made out of Entirely black box material Just being like Wait till we reveal this You know what The box isn't even black

Really Do you know that It is red isn't it I think it's fluoro or something I think it makes sense If you've got to find it Yeah so you've got to find it Yeah exactly

You know Maybe they should have Made that Malaysia Airlines Plane out of the same Oh yeah I think it's fluoro or something. I think it makes sense if you've got to find it. Yeah, so you've got to find it. Yeah, exactly. Maybe they should have made that Malaysia Airlines plane out of the same. Oh, hell yeah. Because they can't find that one. They can't. Did you guys hear about that one? Yeah, vaguely. It hasn't been in the news for a little bit.

They've kind of avoided it. I'm working on it. Matt, if it was Thai Airlines, you wouldn't be saying anything. You know what side his bread's buttered on, doesn't he? They can do no wrong, those people. I was just there. Yeah, exactly. Who did you fly with?

I don't know if I should be saying this. You'd know I'm on a first-name basis, wouldn't you? Gavin, I'm back. No, no, no. You'd just be like Fleety, wouldn't you? The comedian's here. Can I give you a special pin? Man, I've gone up another level in Thailand.

I'm being recognised so much over there now. It's ridiculous. Wow. Should I? Yeah, no, let's just keep talking. Let's live commentate you answering the door to your apartment. I've got to answer the door. Your cat was like ramming its head into the wall.

Yeah, I know. Everything was going on. Is that going to stretch that mic? Yeah, we'll see. I think it actually is. This is just me not wanting to do any editing work

down the line. I know that. I completely know that. Let's keep it going. I have to do enough of editing out people saying horrific words that shouldn't be broadcast.

Oh, right. You're one of them. You've done it before. Oh, really? There you go. You're a repeat offender. He's going, yeah, yeah. You're one of them. You've done it before. Oh, really? There you go. You're a repeat offender. He's going, yeah, yeah. I think also because when I've been on this,

I've been doing breakfast radio, so it's almost like you've got the blue balls of swearing. Yeah, exactly. You can't do it. And then I get on here and be like, guys, this is like the Wild, Wild West. What are you cutting out? Yeah, you think this is the dump button cast. Yeah.

What are you actually cutting out? What words are you cutting out? Well, nice try, but I'm not going to just say them into the microphone just because you asked me. No, but I feel like there has to be, you know, because the general fact can't, that's fine, surely. That's fine. Oh, that's absolutely fine.

So it's basically a string of different things together that you're cutting out. This is, I feel like we have to. There's an elephant in the room. Yeah, we said we weren't going to talk about what we were doing after this. Look at his trunk. There is an elephant. The elephant in the room has brought a lot of drinks.

Yeah. There's a certain Serbian elephant in the room that's brought a lot of alcohol into my house. We're doing a live commentary of the Logies after this, which people will have seen by the time this comes out. But you've made the grave mistake of inviting Milan to your house. Yes. And he's turned up with what

like two slabs yeah a lot of beer to be honest this is the part that actually kills me because you all said oh you know

let's not mention the Logies let's not do any of that because when this gets released it won't be on but I brought something that I thought because it's Logies night and the four of us are here

this ladies and gentlemen I present to you the 2009 Antenna Awards for the Program of the Year Studio A, which was a community TV show that all four of us were on. Yes. And we won this bad boy. And I thought if there's going to be an awards night.

Amazing. You might as well bring the bad boy. Because all four of us were on it. That's insane, Thornton. I feel the weight in that tummy. Yeah, this is great. Is this, we had this and then we had a photo taken and there was some weird dude.

Do you remember that? Who was that weird guy in the corner? That was me. What, in the corner of the photo? In the photo. Yes, there is. No one remember who that guy was? No, no, no.

I remember the night because it was very exciting for us. We won this award. We won the award. And then we were celebrating. We kept going to get photos. And this guy just kept coming up. And I remember him just very insistently going, yeah, because I'm involved.

I'm like, you're not. I don't know who you are. I reckon you're just trying to be a fuckhead and trying to be part of it. And he's like, nah, nah, I'm in it. Nah, I'm in it. He was absolutely just one of those drunken idiots. Right, yeah. That we've all probably faked.

That wasn't the guy because there was another guy that night who was like had just started hosting a show on Channel 31 and thought that he might win and he comes up to you, David, and he's like, next year, Thornton, I've got you next year. Like really threatening to you as if you care about like back-to-back wins at the Antenna Awards. None of us gave a shit. No.

But it was program of the year. Program of the year. It was a big one. It was a great night. I believe it got up to like 40,000 on our final show or something. Because Thornow was the host. It was like a talk show for people. For the few people out there that didn't watch the show.

And thankfully not much of it's online, which is fucking great. I think there's a lot of Thornow online, not anyone else. There's a sketch of you and me pretending to be robots. Right. At the time, I remember us being furious that people weren't uploading all the episodes online, and now it's like, thank fuck of those lazy people at Channel 31. Yeah, thank God, me just fluffing my lines as we intro the show constantly.

We would write intros for you, and then you would get them wrong 100% of the time, and we'd be like, why? How did you get it so wrong? I didn't like them and second of all because they were terrible and second of all, I was at the point where I needed reading glasses and I didn't have them and I didn't realise I needed them

and I was squinting to read the autocue and I couldn't quite get it. And of course I never read it prior to going on. Yes, yes. You've got to feel the magic of the moment. But we got to the point where we knew you needed glasses so we were putting them out where the top line was really big and then the second line

of the dialogue was a little bit smaller. Yeah, that's very thoughtful. But also on top of that, I liked it, you know, every week you'd do it and we'd go, fuck, he's fucked it again. What the fuck? He didn't even rehearse it. And then we'd go, well, let's not bring it up for another seven days. I know. And then you, we would never bring it up with you and then you'd fuck it and we'd go, fuck, he's fucked it again. What the fuck? He didn't even rehearse it. And then we'd go, well, let's not bring it up for another seven days. I know. And then we would never bring it up with you.

Do it again. And then you'd fuck it again. Like, oh, fuck, we've really got to tell all of that. Yeah, and then you would get on camera and go, good evening, ladies and gremlins. Fuck you, everyone. Like, oh, fuck, he's done. We should have had that. We forgot to have that conversation again.

I know. But it was, yeah, they were great, great written autocues up top of the show. That's for sure. Let's get you to record them again we should do them I tell you what we should do overdubs of anything that's up online

yes that would be great we go and remake it I prefer it with Billy Daslow's voiceover if it's up yes get me back in that booth

ladies and gentlemen Mr Dave Thorne couldn't get a better intro couldn't you it's amazing but yeah the 2009 Antenna Awards, a great time.

Hey, you know what? Next year, it's going to be 10 years since we won this bad boy. We've got to go out and celebrate. We're going to do karaoke again like we did after that. You can't win that now because community television doesn't exist. So that is – It does, doesn't it? No, didn't they?

Channel 31 is now Viceland, I think. No, it's back. No, that's SBS. That's SBS. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Channel 31 just got Vice Land, I think. No, it's back. No, that's SBS. That's SBS. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Channel 31 just got a stay of execution. It's a stay of execution every six months. Yeah, they keep thinking it's getting taken off and then it's back.

It gets to that thing where it's going to be axed every six months and then they do a thing where they get Thorno or whoever, some old names from Channel 31 to go, oh, guys, you really need to publicly make sure that this gets funded again. Now it's like they don't even ask anyone anymore because there's only so many times you can go up to Rove and say, old names from Channel 31 to go, oh, guys, you really need to publicly make sure that this gets funded again. Yeah. Now it's like they don't even ask anyone anymore because it's like there's only so many times you can go up to Rove and say, oh, look, I know this is your 12th time around, but can you please say they should keep Channel 31?

Yeah. No one even does that anymore. No. It's just like, ugh. But they still get the grand money. It's weird. Yeah. I don't understand why.

Yeah. Like, I did a story on the project where they're like, you know, what do you think about it? And I said, I've got to be honest. I did a story on the project where they're like, what do you think about it? And I said, I've got to be honest. I said, yeah, it was great for us then because you've got, what, five or six channels on the TV and then community TV.

That's the only option. It's like now you have the entire internet. You've got mates who use YouTube to be bigger than people who are on mainstream media. Yeah, smartphones were the thing so you couldn't easily film shit and put it online. So you're like, yeah, I get it that this has become redundant. But that made you. And you're like, yeah, at the time.

That's so good. Now the internet and YouTube is there for everyone. Everyone. They're getting you in because I think they're just going to do this easy fluff piece feel good thing and you're just shitting all over it. Yeah. I should do the interview in like a mink coat. Yeah.

Like in a spa. Yeah. Just sit in there and go, no, please. I fucking hate it. Shut that door. Yeah, and fuck Channel 31 because I just filmed all these sweet videos of me rooting girls and they wouldn't put it up. Now there's RedTube.

You just use that, guys. I fucking hate finding Nemo too. That's not what we asked anyway. Just reeling off unpopular opinions. Can I just break in and just say, Milan, he's looking for a can opener or a bottle opener. He's struggling. It's crazy that he doesn't just have one on him at all times.

I'm surprised you don't have a tattoo of one that you can use or something like that. Yeah, that is true. Or it's just been implemented into your forearm. Instead of like a chip, he's got like a bottle opener in his arm. He's been pacing up and down in the kitchen trying to find one. It's the pacing. Well to be honest. It's the pacing that's killing me.

I couldn't deal with it anymore. What's this guy up to? If we've got to be honest with Synergy, Channel 31 was where we all first got Milan. Yeah. That's where we all met Milan. Absolutely. And we were like is this guy going to date rapists? Why does he keep giving us all these drinks? And the guy would turn up because he would always have DVDs

to give out to the studio audience. That's what the deal was, wasn't it? Because we were sponsored by? Punchline Entertainment. Punchline Entertainment. Yeah, exactly. Which was Milan's DVD company. Yeah.

And also, look, I know we've talked about Channel 31 a bit, about Studio A, but it got us to meet Milan and it was the start of the podcast. Yeah. Because me and you didn't really know each other. I'm fine, thanks, Milan. We worked together.

Oh, I didn't even know that. Yes. Yeah. I did think it was a bit strange when you two got together. I thought this was like apples and oranges. Here we are. The beginning of our friendship. The beginning of our inverted commas friendship.

Of our inverted commas success. Of our inverted commas success. Yeah. Full podcast. We had one good year of friendship and we thought, let's start a podcast together and then it immediately went downhill after that. But look, we have a podcast now, so that's good. Yes.

Better than... He's chiming in. Why is the door open? It's the middle of winter. Milan did leave the front door open. No, no, no. I mean this door. Because the cat's outside.

Oh, okay. But you can close it now if you like. Okay. I'll do that. Oh, my pussy might get a bit cold. I give up. Sorry, I thought I'd do a... Speaking of being those recognised...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I was talking about Thailand, being recognised in Thailand. Man, so much now. So much. Really? Yeah, yeah. Every shop I was going into, people were like – So how do they know you?

Just because you go into the stores or because people are creating a buzz around Carl Chandler? No, no, no. I think it's just literally either they – you know what? We were talking about this over there. I reckon that Because the local Thai people Aren't distracted by things like

Channel 31 Or the fucking antenna awards It's just like Their own jobs And that's it Fucking hell Speaking of Speaking of things to be distracted by

Jesus I think Milan got lost And went outside And has to come back in again This is a hotbed of activity I heard a motorbike pull up This is a busy podcast Yeah Yeah again. This is a hotbed of activity. I heard the motorbike pull up. This is a busy podcast. Yeah.

This is a halfway house podcast. It's like we do live episodes of this so much now that even our studio episodes are kind of starting to turn into live eps. We're getting Milan'd. Other people are turning up to watch. Dum Dum live from the Gatwick. Yeah. Oh, man.

That's a bad place. Yeah. Oh, man. That's a bad place. Yeah, so I think the local shopkeepers in Thailand don't have enough to concentrate on. It's just their business. It's just their work. So they just remember everything. Like we had a few instances of going in and Dil got remembered from last time.

It was like, oh, honey soy chicken or whatever. And he's like, what the fuck did you remember that? So they're not only remembering us, but they're remembering the meals and everything. I went in, oh, I was with you. I was with you. But how disappointing, sorry to stop you while you're telling your story, but like for Dil, you know, he's thinking, oh, yeah, he's, what the,

you know how much honey soy chicken that guy ate last time? What the hell's going on now? We don't need more honey. Shouldn't have ordered all that stuff. We went into a restaurant. I'll plug the restaurant for any listeners in Copenhagen. But first day in Copenhagen, we went into a restaurant called Cafe Van. And when we walked in, the lady just pointed at me and went, you.

So that's a form of recognition. That is, isn't it? Yeah. I don't think it's selling any tickets to my comedy festival show. You see that more a form of recognition. That is, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it really is. I'm not selling any tickets to my comedy festival show. You see that more and more and more. Yeah, like the incredible memory over there that people have. Yeah. When you're not focusing on like putting out a good tweet or.

There's not as much stimulation. So little things just really stick, right? Yeah. They just got their work to concentrate on. So it's like they remember every. Man. Did any of them come to the shows, by the way? Like any of the traders come to your shows? Yeah. Well, they just got their work to concentrate on. So it's like they remember every... Man, I... Did any of them come to the shows, by the way? Like any of the traders come to your shows?

Uh, no. We did pick up some random people though, I think, didn't we? Did we? We picked up a couple of random tourists. Oh, that random German guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a few people like that. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, right. But none of those sort of... No locals. Restaurant owners or anything like that. No, no, no, no, no. They got work to do. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They don't need this shit. They don't have or anything like that. No, no, no, no. They've got work to do. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, they don't need this shit. They don't have anyone to cover them. No, no, no. And plus, they can't afford it. It was quite expensive to get in. Yeah, honey, soy, chicken. There's a lot of meals to be made. Yeah, yeah.

But I don't know exactly what you're talking about. I remember I was over in Sri Lanka, Clay. But how people, you'd see dudes just standing out in front of their house around dusk. It's like, yeah, this is standing out the front of my house time Yeah Do you know what I mean? Yeah yeah yeah

The dudes that are just They're finished work They're at home And they're like You know Because it Pause Probably no TV or anything

And they're just like Yeah I'm going to watch the traffic for a while Yeah yeah I'll be back here in about an hour or so Must be nice Yeah that's what they're doing That's amazing You go by on a train

Do you reckon the Greeks see that and they're like, man, the things you can achieve when you don't have to spend eight hours a day hosing down your driveway. That's fucking real nice. Well, when I was in there before the festival started, when I was just there a few days before, the weather wasn't that amazing. I'm sitting on a beach bar and I could see the weather.

You could see Copenhagen from Koh Samui and you could see that some storm clouds over there and I was looking at it and going, oh, I wonder if that's going to hit here or not because I'm see the weather. You could see Copenhagen from Koh Samui. And you could see that some storm clouds over there. And I was looking at it and going, oh, I wonder if that's going to hit here or not. Because I'm on my bike. I need to ride back to the hotel sort of thing. And the owner of the beach bar was just this guy with no top on. Hadn't put a top on since the 70s. He's just there.

And it's like, oh, he's one of these wise Thai elder guys, you know, whatever. And I go, oh, what's the weather going to be like? He points at the clouds and goes, doesn't come here. I'm like, oh, cool, alright, well this guy knows what's going on. Two minutes later, we're under water. Like, you fucking idiot. I'm going, oh, what an elder guy, and all of a sudden he just turns into some cunt not

smart enough to put on a fucking shirt. You think he's going to be your sensei? You're going to turn into Batman, he's going to train you in the hills. Yeah, yeah. I reckon I could fucking flog heaps of marbles out of his hand or whatever the fuck goes on. Anytime it looks like you're starting to have a bit of respect for this place, the Carl Chandler instinct kicks in.

Look at this cunt. Yeah. But then I realise, oh, he's just gone. Oh, no, it's all good. So I just don't piss off on the bike and I sit there and I have to order another fucking three or four beers and main meals and whatever. Then I'm just stuck there. There's like torrential rainfall for two hours or whatever.

Well, maybe he just knows about Carl Chandler because the buzz is around town. Yeah, yeah. He's genuinely trying to fuck you over. Get him on the hook. Yeah. This guy orders three or four main meals, a few beers. Keep him here. It's going to be exciting when the locals finally pull down that big statue of you in the town

square. Like Saddam when Iraq fell. They find Chandler in a hole with a huge beard. Don't make me go home. We are finally free. The big Buddha, the big Chando. Yeah. I was talking to someone the other day who I had just met

and they were like, oh, so you do comedy. Who are your favourite comedians? And I go, Woody Allen, Louis CK and Bill Cosby. Just, you know, the three greats. And she just kind of doesn't respond. She's like, oh, yeah, Louis CK's, yeah, he's got some real good stuff. And I'm like, oh, I was just kind of joking. I was just kind of making a joke where I was like deliberately naming

three outed accused offenders. And she goes, oh, okay, right. Woody Allen? Really? I'm like, yeah, since like the 70s. Hang on, was her name Sun Ye? I can't believe you remembered her name that's amazing

who remembers that stuff I only remember obscure names that will do me no good in real life and here we are finally

it's Radar he's finally got 10 minutes on a Zara Chamberlain here and again that's like you know not remembering people's names And here we are. Finally, it's Radar. He's finally got 10 minutes on a Zara Chamberlain. And again, that's like, you know, not remembering people's names and, you know, in the way that the Thai people can. It's like, that's why. Because that name is up in their jostling position going,

I can't be jettisoned. You'll leave me on a podcast. I've got Sunyi Previn's name in my head and I can't tie my shoelaces. Jesus. That's it. That is incredible. Daughter of Andre. Yeah.

Come on, get with it. That's amazing. So, yeah, she's like, yeah. You know what? Chandler's brain is like when you go to the doctor's practice and you're waiting just in the waiting room and there's a Who magazine from 96. Yes.

That is just like a stenographer on Chandler's brain. I could tell you the 1983 Essendon runner-up team that lost in the grand final, but I couldn't tell you more than two people I work with at the project. There's someone hellier. It's Carrie and that other bloke. Limo doesn't count for a full because it's only one name, so that's half. But, yeah, so I'm like, yeah, Woody Allen, like, yeah, I mean, you know,

famously, you know, dodgy, you know, at best for quite a while. Like, you know, was he married to his step – still with his step kid or adopted kid? Yeah. So I'm saying that to her and she's like, right, wow. So kid from the show? Well, I don't know what show from, but yeah, there's that out there about it.

Yeah. And she goes, wow, I mean, I wonder if, you know, when he's done this dodgy stuff, I wonder if he does this dodgy stuff. And then he's going, uh? And I'm like, what? And she goes, you know, uh. Like in the show. And I go, I'm talking about Woody Allen.

And she goes, yeah, I know. I go, no, no, that noise, that's Tim Allen from Home Improvement. And she goes, oh. So not that she confused Tim Allen for Woody Allen. I said Woody Allen and she still went, she literally thought they were the same person. Oh, boy. So this guy's career arc is he makes these like incredibly artsy,

well-received films in the 70s. Then he stops to become a cocaine dealer, goes to prison for a bit, comes back and has a sitcom. She thinks Woody Allen's idea of home improvement is to chuck the wife out of the home and root the kid instead. He is the tool man. Going out to the back fence just to ask Wilson whether he should bugger his kid.

I don't know, Tim. And you know Wilson's doing the same thing because he can't show his full face. Oh, yeah. Yeah, what's he up to? What a dodgy friend. That man is definitely on a registry without a doubt. Indeed.

But then she's like, she goes, oh, thank God because, you know, when you were saying that and I thought I was going to, like, you know, not be able to watch Home Improvement with a clear conscience. But it's like who wouldn't, if you could live in that world or our world, who wouldn't sacrifice home improvement if it meant that you could enjoy the works of Woody Allen with a clear conscience? You know what I mean? How often are you watching home improvement that you have

to make that call and you're like, fuck, I really wanted to watch this as well, but now that I know he fucked his kid, I can't do it. I was trying to do like Woody Allen as Tim Allen, like the Woody Allen version of Doing the Noise. And – I love both versions. Give him the antenna.

Give him the antenna. He wanted it very well. I told you I was coming for you, Thornton. It's like the conch. What? From – what was it? You know, Piggy and what was that? There's a book. Oh, fuck.

I haven't got the name. I don't know what it is. The conch. Lord of the Flies. The book. The book. It's the book and Piggy. The great Muppet Caper.

What, the Muppet? You know, not the Bible. The other one. Hey, guys, right there and then was the great intro that the great Oliver Clarke used to throw out on Studio A. Ladies and gentlemen. You know that famous book, Piggy and the Conch? Here he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Studio... Line, line. Here's your host, Wobbsy. Here he is. Welcome to the stage, old mate. Old mate. Anyways. Hey, you know, it's again, you know, if we were doing Studio A in Thailand,

you'd have all the scripts down, Pat. I would have. But to be honest, my work ethic is much better than it was back then. Wow. That's really not saying much. You mean you can finally step up to that sweet Channel 31 plate and hit a home run? I reckon hit a home run once. That's all.

I'm not saying every week, just once. Could we go back? So the 10th year anniversary, what if we go back next year and make a one-off reunion special? I'd love to. Can we do it? We should. Let's do it.

Mate, we can get John Brumby back. Remember the then Victorian Premier who came on the show and was sweating bullets and was asking your writers room if you got any gags, any zingers? Oh, that's right. I gave him one. You gave him one? Did you use it?

He did. Mate, he was like Nixon. He was sweating and he constantly was like, you know, how are they going to judge me? He's like, you're the Premier of a state. We are the shittest community TV show ever. I think maybe he had some skeletons in his closet and he was worried that we'd unearthed it

and it was going to be a bit of gotcha journalism and just fuck him up on the spot. Yeah, I think he was real worried when he came backstage in the writers' room. We were all going, imagine having a 69er. So reunion special. So who's coming back? So it's us in this room

It's Dave hosting The people that went through the show More DVDs Milan's bringing DVDs back I can't wait for that 2019 The year of the DVD re-launch So

Who went through the show was Dave Thornton Oliver Guy Tommy Dastley Carl Chandler Tommy Little Luke McGregor Tom Ballard

Anne Edmonds Jess Harris Yes Who else? Who are people that are in our world? Kushla Travers was producing Who's in our world? Tegan Hingenbotham

Yep So yeah Look plenty of people We can do a We can do a reunion A one off Live One off

Do we do it Do we film it Or do we do it as a live Do we do it as an event I reckon live's better Yeah Because we did do it live Didn't we

If we went back to channel 31 And pitched it And went Can we please do this And they put it to air Surely Surely Surely they'll do it

Amazing Fuck let's do it Yeah Amazing God damn that's so good And hopefully we can put as much work As we did into it back then Surely. Surely they'll do it. Amazing. Fuck, let's do it. Yeah. God damn, that's so good. And hopefully we can put as much work as we did into it back then. Do you reckon we can invite John So,

former mayor of Melbourne, to come back and do his catchphrase? Yeah, do the catchphrase. Which was? Was it John So, what was the catchphrase? Yeah, it was something on his name. Is this the wrong man to workshop it with. Man, his long-term memory is like a goldfish. You know who did the thing? Yeah, I can't remember.

I do remember whether we've talked about this or not. I think the first episode, our eternal bugbear was the – the thing about Channel 31 is we're all learning on the job. We started this as we're sort of early-ish on in our careers and the tech side of it was managed by people that were early on in their side of their careers. So the show was plagued by technical difficulties. So like the first ever episode was, I think we got a band, which we were kind of happy about.

We got a band from that show that was a reality. No, genuinely it was like American Idol. Like it was pretty high up and this band won it. It was like the – was it like Tommy Lee's reality band show or something like that? Oh, yeah. Like it was huge. It was something like that.

It was huge. And because – do you remember the time? I can't remember her name but she did work PR for us in the first year and she was amazing because she'd go, it's the only live chat show in Australia. Yeah, yeah. So people would honestly go, yeah, okay, geez, I'll get on it. And then they would turn up and go, what is this shit? Yeah, yeah.

I think maybe that's why it was so popular because people thought the tech difficulties were like deliberate. You know, they thought it was like some Tim and Eric style thing where they're like, these guys are just taking a piss. I remember at the time people saying to us, oh, you guys rate really well. Like you guys are getting 60,000, 80,000 people watching a week. Never did I ever hear anything on the street about it. Really?

No, I agree. Never. I got recognised twice. Oh, nice. Yeah, I got recognised at gigs a couple of times because of it. At Spleen and stuff, yeah. I had one where I was riding down Collins Street across the road on my bike, slipped on the tram tracks,

skidding into oncoming traffic, right? And I had headphones in, so I had a sweet soundtrack to the whole thing. Anyway, I get up and then someone goes, hey, you're on Channel 31. I was like, yes! You ride like you're on Channel 31. I thought you meant you're heading into oncoming traffic

and the car accelerates to try and hit you. It's like, must have seen the show. I ride as well as I do the voiceover. Yeah, I don't do any prep. I didn't look ahead of me what the road was going to do. Yeah, I read that red light. Reddit is green. Good night, everyone.

Oh, man. Well, that's the goal next year. A one- off reunion show what were you going to say about the band the band that was their first episode I believe

and so we got this scoop of this band that had just been on big time American TV and they came in and it was their first episode and they were like really heavy

and hard and loud and it was like impressive in the studio and we were like wow and then they they sort of walked out and went

and the manager they got like a rock and roll manager going, yeah, boys, that was great, blah, blah, blah. And then very, very, very sheepishly our producer walks down from upstairs going, just so you know, none of the microphones were on on the band or the instruments or anything like that. So they'd just gone out live to air these guys absolutely unplugged, jumping around like absolute fuckheads with flying V guitars and doing huge back-to-back solos and whatever.

And just on TV it just looks like them going. It's just going through Thornton's mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So very distant like sound of the amp from like another room. And they didn't go anywhere after that. No. Funny, hey? We ruined them. Yeah, we ruined another room. And they didn't go anywhere after that. No. Funny, hey? We ruined them.

Yeah, we ruined them. You know what? We've got to reach out to these guys. We've got to get them for this reunion show. We've got to make good on this. That's so funny. Can't get the time off Walmart, guys. We've got to get Ballard in to do stand-up.

That is the classic story of Studio A. Have we told it? I'm pretty sure we tell it pretty regularly. We must have. We we told it? I'm sure we tell it pretty regularly. We must have. We can tell it again. Das, you take the reins because every time when you tell the story, it is just.

It's Tom doing stand-up and his mic stops working and you had interviewed Rudely Interrupted who are a. The name of a band. A band, yeah, a band called Rudely Interrupted and the lead singer of a band A band, yeah A band called Rudely Interrupted And the lead singer of the band They're all disabled to some degree He has Asperger's but he's pitch perfect and he's blind Yes, right So Tom starts doing his stand up

And he had a bit in the start of his act where he would say I'm gay, I'm a queer, I'm a faggot And say all these words and then get to the end and go But you know I don't want to label myself That was the bit. And he had a lot of extreme versions of being gay. Yeah, 20 in a row or whatever. So he starts doing that.

His mic cuts out. And so the audio tech guy slides into frame on his knees in front of Tom's crotch and starts trying to fix up his mic pack. And meanwhile, this rudely interrupted singer, he's still on the couch, not on camera, but his mic is still on and still working. So if you're watching at home, what you hear is Tom go, I'm a gay, I'm a faggot. And then no sound for about three seconds, a guy on his knees in front of him. And then from off mic, off camera, a voice going, queer.

It looked like we'd edited it. a guy on his knees in front of him and then from off mic, off camera, a voice going, queer. Yeah, yeah. It looked like we'd edited it. You know, like we're like, no, no, no, let's just get to the point here. We'll just do the voiceover so we know what we're doing. Because we didn't really see this happen in the room. No, no, I did. You did? No, I did and I was like, this is amazing,

but there's no way it'll come up as well as this. Right. And then it came up perfectly. Oh, man. Because we used to have meetings like a couple of days after where we would sit and watch the episode back. And I remember us, the rest of us walking out being like, good ep, you know, no tech difficulties and sitting down

and the producer going, well, you know, let's watch the tape back first. And then getting to that and us just screaming with laughter. I think I would have loved to have seen Chando's reaction to that. I love it when something tickles Chando. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just goes nuts. And it's that kind of fucked up shit that you love. Totally, totally. There's quite a few instances on that show where people would remark,

the only laugh in the room was you. Well, guys, we'd better wrap it up. What better way to celebrate the 150th time we've told that story on the podcast than by wrapping up the episode. Dave Thornton, Oliver Clark, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks, boys. Thornton, you got a live show coming up somewhere? I'm trying to now do the math

on Thistleia in two weeks? Yeah, something like that. A week and a half. A week and a half. Just have a crack. I can't. I'm sure somewhere. Have a look.

What city? Melbourne, obviously. I'm doing the Comic Sans next week and then beyond that, I don't know. Okay. I'm sure somewhere. Have a look. What city? Melbourne, obviously. I'm doing the Comic Sans next week, and then beyond that, I don't know. Okay. So it's gone. Well, Dave Thornow on Twitter. Look him up. Oliver Clarke, what have you got?

I've got a new single coming out with a little special. It's a Hawaiian tune. It's called Hula Hawaiian Girl, and it should be out. It's so hard to tell when he's taking the piss or not. I am absolutely serious that's the new single and it's it'll be out hopefully by the time

this goes to air on oliverclark.com or something yeah I'll put it out maybe I'll get to the link as well to put it up on the dumb dumb or something

yeah yeah yeah and check out your merch you've got t-shirts mate t-shirts yes good lord the new tuxedo blue tuxedo t-shirt.

Yes. They look amazing. If you want to look like Oliver Clarke and who doesn't, this is the way to do it. Fantastic. Yeah. Great, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

And as the prophecy foretold, they have in fact done it again. Oh, I thought you were going to say they've done it again. I did. Oh, right. I misheard. My inflection was a bit different. Right. But the words were the same.

The script was identical. I think I was listening to someone else. Right, right. Oh, you've got headphones in at the moment. I don't. Isn't that hard to talk while you're listening to something at the same time? No, I just saw a guy walk down the street behind you in the window and he looked like you and he said something else. Right.

Now, the listener should know that there is literally a window behind me. This isn't just some pretend bullshit. I don't make shit up. I'm sitting in front of a window. Good ep this one. Fun. Good to be back in the studio. Good to be back in the old stude with old, well,

Ollie hadn't been on the show for ages. Yeah. And always a good time hanging out with Dave Thornton. Yeah. Oliver Clarke just played indoor soccer with him just then. Cool customer on the court. Which you talk about in this episode, I believe. You talk about the old Greg Larson's are out world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just made a bit of a comeback then. Just started the league season. Did you win? Had a very creditable seven-hole draw and I had my customary fight with a guy probably 15 years younger than myself. Great, great. Yep.

And how are you and the boys planning to celebrate being back? Coach got any big plans for you? No. Take you on some tours of some caves? No, we're a bit old for that now. Oh, Toby. Yeah. What if we found out the name of that team and just renamed our soccer team

after that? Oh, God. I mean, look, let's put the cards on the table. We are recording this, I think, three days before it's going to come out. Oh, yeah. So, look, as we're recording this, there's a live coverage. It's supposed to be happening. You know what? As we're recording this, there's a live coverage. You know what?

As we're recording this, in one hour's time, we're supposed to know whether the first person is… Yeah, there's live coverage of it on the ABC at the moment. So, you know, this is wild stuff. We're out here making jokes about it. I think we're both – people will know this about us, you in particular. We're both optimists, right? We like to think the best of any given situation.

So we're here making jokes about that soccer team, assuming that by the time people hear this, they're out and they're alive and well and it's all good, you know, it's all fine. It's all sunshine and lollipops. As someone once told me when I was in high school making jokes about something extremely inappropriate, it just happens to be your coping mechanism. And they were right. Right. Is that really what someone said to you? Yes. It just happens to be your coping mechanism. And they were right.

Right. Is that really what someone said to you? Yes. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's just your way of dealing with that extremely unfortunate thing that just happened. Yeah.

What was the unfortunate thing that happened to you? Oh, let's not go into super detail. Wow, really? No, it wasn't great. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. I really want to know now. Well, I'll tell you later.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, okay. You never heard someone say okay to you to know now. Well, I'll tell you later. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I thought you said something else. You never heard someone say okay to you before. No. Fuck. Okay.

I could be freaked out. Well, we need to, so, I mean, yeah, what happens if, you know, if something, you know, if this doesn't have the fairy tale ending that people want for this soccer team, are we going to cut this out? Are we going to, we got to, I mean, we got to back it. We made these jokes on Sunday. It's not the worst thing of all time. But things happen all the time to lots of people.

You know what? People die every day. That's true. Yeah. Not all of them are young boys that have been trapped in a cave for like a month. No, no, they are. Okay. Right.

So every death. Yep. So when my grandma passed away, it was because she'd just been hanging out in a cave for a week. And she was a young Thai boy. Yeah. Happens to all of us. That's how you know.

That's when you put someone on suicide watch where they're like, you know what, I've been thinking I'm going to rebrand myself as a young Thai boy. They're like, oh, no, this guy's trying to end it all. If your grandma's in hospital and you're thinking, oh, I hope she pulls through tonight and you're walking in the morning and she's got a number 10 on the back of her shirt and she's saying cop and car for scoring that goal.

Well, she's not long for this world. I am looking for a place to live at the moment. I went to an inspection yesterday. It was a fifth floor apartment with a balcony and I was out on the balcony and then I turned to the edge and I went, you can kill yourself off that. Don't think I'm going to get this place. Should have really, I was trying to be memorable. People told me, you know, you meet the agent, make an impression so they remember you when

they read the application. Were you applying for a two-week lease? Yeah. How short do these things go? Is the gas already connected or have I got to like Get that done When I move in Does this flat have Life insurance That hook in the ceiling

That's Support a rope What do you think Good stuff Oh How sunny Is that exciting Or is that the worst thing

Of all time to do You know The prospects are exciting Yeah But yeah The worst thing Physically doing it Just the worst thing

Of all time Yeah Been to a lot of places Where the Real estate agent Has been physically unable to get into the property. Great. That's always good. Yeah.

And you're moving in by yourself. I am moving in by myself, yeah. We haven't talked about that on the show yet. Yeah, it's interesting. I think you were trying to get it out of me on this episode that we did and we kind of circled around it and we didn't quite get to it. But yeah, baby, podcast city. It's just time.

Finally, we can record in your house and say anything we want. As opposed to at the moment where we're doing this in the spare room of my friend's house where I'm staying. And he's told me certain words I'm not allowed to say. And I don't want these restrictions anymore. So I can't wait for you to move out. One of those words was Patreon so this is going to be difficult.

Yeah, and one of the other things was don't say that Tommy's grandma ends up being a Thai boy. I think I'm clear. I mean, rules are made to be broken. Well, hopefully I won't say it but anyway. Yeah, what else is happening? Anything we have to say? I hope people appreciate the studio episode

that we've just produced for you because I know you get a lot of live episodes thrust upon you. And look, I hope everyone's cool with that. The balance has really tipped in the last like two years. This is pretty much a predominantly live show that we release to people as opposed to just being a podcast where every now and then we do a live gig. Oh, look, I think we've got a bunch of studio eps coming up. Yeah.

I mean, not next week. Yes, that was the plan. Yeah. Next week's a live one and then I think for like probably like two months or something. A couple of months. At least, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, we've got to get back into the fine art of, you know, two-on-two conversation. Not just throwing raw meat to baying wolves while we're on stage. Yes. Yeah. But, you know, that baying meat, in many ways, the baying meat. There's no baying meat.

There's baying wolves. Sorry, baying wolves. The meat. The fucking meat can't howl. The meat's begging to be eaten by these wolves. Right. Okay. The meat that we throw, where it gets cooked up is right here

in the studio. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The live ep meat that we throw, where it gets cooked up is right here in the studio. Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The live ep is where we're just throwing out the references to stuff that we said in a lounge room six months before. Yeah. It's beautiful when you really think about it.

What a chemistry. What a synergy. Mm. Mm. And the proof is in the pudding. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Good stuff. New t-shirt. I love the pudding. Good stuff. New t-shirt. I love the talk. So should we, is that all the housekeeping taken care of this week? There's not much housekeeping at the moment, is there? And I've got to say, it's nice. Yeah. You know, it's nice to not have to come in here with like a million things

to like remember to plug and, you know, reading out phone numbers for travel agents and shit like that. It's a lot more pure this way. Yeah. No ads, so no money coming in and shit like that. It's a lot more pure this way. Yeah. No ads, no money coming in. I like it. All we do is make extremely topical references about a group of young men whose lives precariously hang in the balance as we're recording this.

Yeah. It's a lot simpler. I've got a good feeling about it. Me too. I've got a really good feeling. And I feel like, you know, I feel like... Keep an eye on Twitter as we're recording just in case. I feel like we should go over there and, you know,

do another podcast just outside the cave. I think that would be a good thing. Yeah, I mean, look, say what you want. The cave would have pretty great acoustics, I think. Stick some egg cartons up on the walls. You've got a podcast studio. Especially the deeper you go in. Oh, fuck, hang on.

I've just figured out how they've got us to start with. They're trying to pitch themselves for the 2019 Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. The 15-man podcast. Yeah. Great. All right. Yeah, would you go over there for a –

would the rat world go over for a friendly against these kids? Against a bunch of nine-year-olds? Sure. I reckon we could take them. They're all about 10 kilos each at the moment. And just you arcing up on the court against one of these kids. Get back in the cave, you little cunt. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't like it because they'll be little and they've got quick feet. I'm like, fuck, I've got to run through one of these cunts. Oh, God, this would be so good. I'll wait until they grow up a little bit. Okay. Wait until they hit 10. Yeah.

Double figures. It's like, hey, no rules then. Do whatever you want. Yep. That's the rule. So, look, thanks to everyone who contributes towards the running of the show financially. What that means is if you go to patreon.com slash a little dum-dum club, you can sign up, you can pitch some money that just comes automatically out of your bank account every

month, just however much you want. You don't even notice it missing. And what that does is it helps us do this. And it also, and thank you to that contribution, we then give you a lot of bonus material that no one else does. Everyone else is too smart to spend half their life doing this fucking bonus shit. But that's what we've done. That's our full-time job.

You know what? We make bonus material for Patreon and then as a hobby on the side, we do this hour-long podcast every week. Are you saying we're the only thing on Patreon that gives people bonus content? Patreon, and then as a hobby on the side, we do this hour-long podcast every week. Are you saying we're the only thing on Patreon that gives people bonus content? Yeah. Wow. Definitely. Okay.

Because I haven't looked into anyone else. So, yeah. Well, yeah. So, in your mind, that's correct. You're not lying. I'm not lying. You could be under oath right now and you wouldn't be perjuring yourself. To my knowledge, I'm not lying.

Mm-hmm. Yep. So, we're the ones. So, thanks us. Yeah. I think we're in the Guinness Book of World Records for doing that. We do this thing where we come on the show and we thank the listeners. Really, the listeners should be recording their own thank yous to us.

Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. If you guys want to do that, if you just want to send in like an MP3, I should say, of just saying thank you, Tommy and Carl. Yep. Happy to not put that on the show, but just listen to it briefly or maybe just get the you know acknowledge that i've received an email and that's it yeah that'll do yeah um but so what we do is we thank a number of people every week for doing that um because it really is appreciated um it really gives us the time to do this instead of slaving

away at some other job we don't want to do. Yeah, being a couple of bloody pencil pushers just as part of the rat race. Yeah. You know, just chasing that, just on that wheel, on that hamster wheel. Yep. It got us out of our previous jobs. I mean, I used to be the owner of an Opel mine. Yep. And I don't have to do that anymore.

I used to be the chief executive officer of Rio Tinto. Yep. And, oh, thank God. Yeah. be the chief executive officer of Rio Tinto. That's how we met. Thank God. Yeah.

And instead of sneaking out in our lunch breaks to sort of do this, now we've got rid of that fucking depressing drops. Now we get to each kick back on a sweet $800 a month. Yeah. It's great. It's really good shit. So thank you. And the way that we like to get around, hopefully we'll get around to all of you one day.

We read out a random amount of names per week and it's that time again, Tommy, to crank out the old unplanned title alternator and get through, get through a big stack of them tonight probably. In my criteria for the apartment that I'm looking for by myself is a room for the unplanned title alternator. Oh, really? Yeah. Because you don't have room for it in your house.

So you have to keep it in the car and then wheel it out when we do the recording. And my wife hates the sight of it. Yeah. She goes, when are you going to get that out of the house? Yeah. Crunchy keeps scratching it. Yeah, it's not great.

Whereas me, I got no pets. I got no one who loves me. I'm fine to just have this thing sitting around the house. Great. Perfect. Perfect. Well, hopefully your life stays that way. Yes, thank you.

Me too. It's an easy solution. Fingers crossed. God willing. So glad we're here. Glad we've got room to stretch out, really hit this button with a big old arc of the arm. So let's kick off this week with the first one. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

Thank you to Blake Furfaro. Furfaro. Furfaro. Furfaro. F-U-R. F-A-R-O. Oh, nice. Furfaro.

Maybe. Maybe Furfaro. Or Furfaro. Furfaro. I reckon it's-faro. Maybe. Maybe fir-faro. Or fir-faro. Fir-faro. I reckon it's fir-faro. I don't mind fir-faro now. Because I reckon you're treating fir and far as two separate things, but I think it's actually firth and then the R-O is like fir-faro.

Right. Fir-faro. I've just looked him up on Facebook and I've found him. Yep. Send him a death rate. He lives in Melbourne. Beautiful city. Yeah, I've heard.

So he must ride trams, I guess, and things like that. Oh, God, you'd be, yeah. It's pretty cool. Yeah, you'd be thinking. You'd be thinking he would. You'd be hoping. Don't you think, the thing about living in Melbourne is that if you, you can move just like a couple of blocks away,

and if that means that you have to get a different tram from now on, you get a different tram line and you feel like you may as well have moved to another country. Don't you think? Yeah, I've been pretty lucky. I've got a great setup with my trams and trains. It's fucking great. You've got a train right behind your house. Yep.

That's good. And a tram stop right outside it. Yep. It's fucking the best. And it's just slightly different to what I only moved down the road right behind your house. Yep. That's good. And a tram stop right outside it. Yep. It's fucking the best. And it's just slightly different to what I only moved down the road from my old house. So I haven't had to learn too much. That's good. I've been getting that number 19 while I'm staying here.

Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. That is a different beast. Why? Well, because the other thing, too, is like, you know, a lot of the lines have actual different trams on them. Like, it's not just the clientele. It's the actual make of the tram.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is one of those ones that, I don't know, I think they must have gotten rid of pretty quickly. But they're all boxy. Do you know what I mean? They're just like all these random one seats just kind of all separately dotted around. I don't like it. Is it a hot tram? What do you mean?

Good looking tram? Would I fuck it? Yeah. Would I put my dick in the bit where the sand comes out? Yes. Yes, I would. Is it a, you know how there's certain lines got certain reputations. What sort of reputation does the 19 have do you think?

Ah, I see. Well. You got like the 86. I prefer not to say. Really? Well, I mean it goes down Sydney Road Right So, you know

It's a diverse trip Right, okay When you get on the 19th Lock yourself in for a diverse ride You're in for a diverse ride No, it is nice. It's a nice line, but it's not like, I don't think it, oh, no, it does go past a university.

I like how to start with you said you'd rather not say because you just didn't want to speak of the diversity on the tram or you just didn't want to bring them up. Yeah, I hate that kind of shit. You don't like that? Yeah. You don't like diverse people? Makes me sick.

Yeah, fair enough. Okay, now I get it. All right. Now I know exactly what the 19th is. that? Yeah. You don't like diverse people? Makes me sick. Yeah, fair enough. Okay, now I get it. All right. Now I know exactly what the 19 is. Yeah. Great. Yeah. I get a tram to work sometimes when I work in South Yarra.

Mm-hmm. And I got to tell you, the most attractive tram in Melbourne. I don't know. It comes from Collingwood to all the way down Church Street into South Yarra to turn into Chapel Street. Okay. Now, Chapel Street's a pretty notoriously sort of good-looking street, I guess. Yeah.

South Yarra is a good-looking suburb in general. So that's my point being that this tram goes towards South Yarra. It's bringing all the hotties to South Yarra. So you get on that tram and you go, Fucking hell, this feels like not a tram anymore These sort of people are not supposed to travel via tram They should have like a private driver or a helicopter Hot people usually have cars Yeah, or some kind of mode of transport that we

Barnyard oddities don't even know about yet Junkyard dogs Trams are supposed to have the opposite of a bouncer on the outside where it's like, no, you're too good looking to get on here. No, no, no. You don't. Not in here. Not with that face, mate.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just laughing at you using the phrase Junkyard Dogs because I've been re-watching Friday Night Lights and it came up in that the other day. Oh, really? Yeah. Thanks, Blake. Thanks, Blakey.

Blake and your fucking tram going expeditions. Your hot tram catcher Thank you to Patreon subscriber Scott McCulloch Oh Scott McMoney more like Oh yeah Does that work? Well I mean we've Scott money

Oh okay now I get it We've Scott his money We've Scott your money McCulloch Yeah I like that Well you've changed your tune Well I didn't get it but you've changed your tune. Well, I didn't get it but you rephrased it slightly and now I fucking really get it. Thanks, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, man. Nice little workshop.

Yeah. Nice little punch up. Thank you. Well, it wasn't a punch up. It was me dumbing it down for the masses. Well, that's what a punch up is. Is it? Yeah. I don't think so. I think it is. You made it more... So, when they... If you get hired to do punch up, they're calling you up and going like, hey, we need you to make this script dumber.

Well, you make it funnier and to make something funnier, you have to understand it. So, yeah, you've made it funnier in that way. You're not buying it. I'm trying to say you did a good thing and you're not even buying it. You're going, no, I fucked it. You're convinced that you fucked it? You won't take the fucking compliment?

Get me in the cave. McCulloch. All right. Thanks, Scott. Thanks, Scotty. Thanks, Dave Callen McCulloch. Thanks to Patreon subscriber James Wellington. Ooh, Wellington.

As in the beef Wellington? Mm-hmm. As in wearing a pair of Wellingtons when it's a bit rainy. As in Wellington, a city in the country of New Zealand where we've never done a show, and I'm going to call it, we'll never do a show. I would really like to go to Wellington. I'd really like to go to New Zealand. I've never been.

Yeah, me either. I'd like us to do a show there just because it would be a good excuse to go. Yeah, I agree. I'd have a crack. I don't think we've got enough listeners there. I don't know how that works. I very, very, very rarely hear from anyone from New Zealand. I'd love to be proved wrong, but I just don't think it's going to happen.

Yeah, I'd still like us to have a crack. I think it would be worth it for us to, given that we've never been and want to go, who cares? I'll do a podcast in front we've never been and want to go, who cares? I'll do a podcast in front of three people as an excuse to go somewhere. I don't know. I mean, we don't know any guests over there. That's true. We know if-

We could go during the comedy festival. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that's a very good call. I was going to say friend of the show, Guy Montgomery was there at the time. And he could bring two mates, then we're set. Yeah, bring the Finn brothers and done. Bring five of the Concords. Bang. Oh, easy. Fuck. And he could bring two mates, then we're set. Bring the Finn brothers and done. Oh, easy.

Why haven't we done this already? Exactly. What is Beef Wellington? That's a good question. You know what? I'm going to look it up. I should be doing this from now on. I think this is a valuable resource to have Google...

To use the internet as we're talking about things that we don't understand, which is, you know, a lot of things. Yeah. Beef Wellington, it looks like some sort of beef inside a sort of like a phyllo pastry sort of a thing. Okay. Yeah.

I listen to other podcasts and it's like whatever comes up, you know, at least one of the people in the room is like, oh, yeah, you know, this country, historically, they did all this. And it's like, you know, there's, at least one of the people in the room is like, oh, yeah, you know, this country, historically, they did all this. And it's like, you know, there's always at least one person that kind of knows what's going on and can talk about it, you know, in some kind of detail. Then you compare that to this, where literally every five minutes, the conversation hits a roadblock because neither of the hosts know anything about what's come up. I feel like we get a lot of feedback just filling in gaps in our knowledge every week.

Yes, yes. And I feel like we then don't absorb any of that. No. Cut to then us having basically the same conversation a month later and having the exact same queries about the same topic. You're right. I think this is the seventh time we've talked about Beef Wellington. I don't think we've ever fucking learned our lessons.

Beef Wellington is a preparation of fillet steak. Nice. Sounds good. Coated with pate, which I don't really know that much about. Oh, you've got to get a second tab going. Oh, fucking, here comes the third one. Pate and duck cells. Ooh.

Not duck cell sandwiches, but duck cells, whatever the fuck that is. All right, now I've got to look it up. The very essence of duck. Now I've got to look that up. Duck cells. What the fuck that is. All right, now I've got to look it up. The very essence of duck. Now I've got to look that up. Duck cells. What the fuck is a duck cell? A duck, D-U-X-E-L-L. Would you say now this show is more about Thailand or about Googling things?

What do you think happens more? Still Thailand. Duck cells, a preparation of mushrooms sautéed with onions, shallots, garlic, and parsley used to make stuffing all sorts. I like the sound of duck shells. Yeah, that's all right. That sounds fucking great. Yeah.

Now get up pate. Fuck. That's like all that shit stuff down a duck's neck or something, isn't it? Well, I was only... What are you looking at? What are you wasting precious Googling time for? No, I already Googled it. That's what it says.

Oh, right. Silly lad shit down a duck's neck. Yeah. Pate is a paste pie or loaf existing of a forced meat that at least contains liver. Common additions include ground meat from pork, poultry, fish or beef, fat, vegetables, herbs, spices and either wine or brandy. Okay, so it's all this stuff wrapped in a pastry? Yeah, which is then wrapped in puff pastry and baked, which is a bit of a waste of good

beef, to be honest. I can see why this is an outdated dish. A good, what kind of steak is it? Fillet steak. I mean, that – you know, you get a bit of like pepper sauce on there or whatever and you're away. Exactly. You don't need –

You don't need to make it into a fucking pasty. Yeah. Yeah, just have the steak. Yeah, anyway. Well, fuck. Well, we've certainly – we've done – we've busted this myth. Yeah. We've certainly, we've done, we've busted this myth.

Yeah. As the name of the show implies, we came out here and we busted this myth. Yeah, as we do every week, we look up things that we should know already and we potter around them and then we decide we don't like them even though we still don't know that much about them. That is a genuinely great theme for a show. What is this and do I like it? Yeah. That is a genuinely great theme for a show What is this and do I like it? In this case it's more accurately What is this and why don't I like it?

That's good I'm glad You know what? Fuck, what are those things? Yorkshire puddings Do you know what that is? Do you know what a Yorkshire pudding is? That's another thing I don't think I know what it is

Well great Because I was one of you one day But then I turned into not that www.goo because I was one of you one day, but then I turned into not that. www.g-o-o. No, I was in England and I went to a pub on a Sunday and they had, oh, the great classic English lunch on a Sunday. Oh, you get your roast beef and you get your, you know, all the signs and whatever and your Yorkshire pudding

and I'm like, oh, great, all right, this is a full meal. And so I eat the whole thing. I eat the main, and then I go, right, now, Yorkshire pudding time. Where's this dessert? Now, you already ate it. What? I already ate it. No, you didn't give it to me.

No, no, no, you ate it. You know what? A Yorkshire pudding is like fucking pastry with a bit of gravy in it. Did you steal this off an idiot abroad? No. Look, I'm explaining to you, you should be as shocked as what I was. This should be your reaction. Yorkshire pudding is a common British side dish consisting of a baked pudding

made from batter consisting of eggs, flour, and milk or water. So it's just a bit of batter, like a little fucking pastry thing, and then they pour gravy on it. It's not pudding at all. Oh, sick. Yeah, yeah, it's good, but just don't call it Yorkshire pudding. Yeah. Call it fucking gravy pastry.

Could you not say, though, that I believe the word pudding would be British so they can use the word however they want. They invented it. Yeah, but you just can't. You can't use one word for two different things. Also, what a wonderful tale of travelling before the internet this is, where you're just turning up in a foreign land, no idea what's going on, no idea what anything is,

eating shit and not even really knowing what it is. Well, you don't go. Even with the age of Google, you're not going to countries and then going, right, well, I better Google everything I fucking see or touch or eat or anything like that. Some people do. Oh, I don't. Yeah.

I don't think that's a common thing to do. But Yorkshire pudding, hey, I like it. I actually liked it. But give it a fucking more realistic name. Don't be tricking foreigners by calling it a pudding. Yeah, so what would you call it? Don't be tricking foreigners. Yeah, you're one move off calling it a Yorkshire fucking chocolate cake.

So don't call it that. But I don't understand what you're one move off calling it a Yorkshire fucking chocolate cake. So don't call it that. But I don't understand what you're so upset about. You had it and you liked it and you still now have, you can just have dessert. Yeah, but then, no, but I wasn't getting the dessert I thought I was getting. So I'm sitting there going, here comes the fucking two-course meal. So, you know, you psychologically prepare yourself. I thought you were getting a great deal because it was like three courses.

Totally. It was just one. Yes. So you felt ripped off. I thought a rare piece of value from this fucking piece of shit country that I'm in. And then I don't get it. And then they go, oh, you already had it. I'm like, oh, that's like the bread and butter I had.

Yeah, that's it. That's a point. And then when was this? This is like the early 2000s that you were in the UK. So flights would have been like $8,000 or something like that. Oh, no, they weren't. Flights would have been fucking pricey though, right? To go to the UK.

Yeah, you know what? I reckon it was about three and a half grand. And that was around the world though. Oh, okay. That's good. And I was trying to figure this out the other day because my memory of it was I just went whenever the fuck I wanted. Like it was a, do they even do round the world trips these days?

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you were telling me about this, about how, or Kappa was telling us as well in Thailand that you would just have a number and your trip was all flexible so you could just call trips these days? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you were telling me about this, about how, or Kappa was telling us as well in Thailand, that you would just have a number and your trip was all flexible so you could just call the travel agent and just be like, hey, I'm going to leave Thailand three days later. It was amazing. Now, this is the one, like, when we talk about stuff on the show in this back end, in the Talking Dum Dum, and every week there's a subject where people go, oh, yeah, yeah, this is, I'll tell you exactly how this works.

Fucking tell me how this works. Please let me know that this was a real thing 15 years ago or so. I just flew whenever I wanted with this ticket. Yeah. So I went to England. I got sick of it. I just went, I literally woke up one day and went, going to go to the airport. Going to go somewhere else now.

And they go, yep, cool, no worries. And then I went to New York, hung around New York for a week or two by myself then went you know what gonna go down and change it again went straight uh to san francisco got to san francisco when you're in america did you get confused by what a hamburger was uh here comes a delicious ice cream oh what the fuck well if they had done that with meat in it totally yeah i see what's this fucking ice cream sandwich? There's no bread. Piece of shit. Finally, that ice cream is surrounded by bread. So went to San Francisco, literally got off the plane, looked up and it said Sydney in

like five hours. I went, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go home. You did not. I did so. I totally did. What?

So why were you at the airport? Where were you planning to go? Because part of the round the world trip was I went from New York to San Francisco. And I was right on the end of like four months of traveling. And I got there and went, oh, yeah, I'll potter around San Francisco. And I just got there and I just saw the sign going Sydney in four hours. I went, if I get on that right now, I get to go home. So wait, you didn't even leave San Francisco airport?

No. What? Yes. I bought two tickets to San Francisco and never been. Yeah, right. Because there was that and there was the time me and you bought tickets to San Francisco and we didn't go then either. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah. I've forgotten about that. When we were in LA. Yeah, maybe the first time we went to LA. Yeah, and we got a gig in LA on the weekend and we just went fuck it and didn't go. That's right. We did Matt Best's Arse Cat, I think it was. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, some we got a gig in LA on the weekend and we just went fuck it and didn't go. That's right. We did Matt Bester's Arse Cat, I think it was. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, some sweet improv, which we're renowned for. I've been back. I've been to San Francisco. Right. And I liked it. You liked it? I liked it a lot.

Yeah. That's good. I'd like to buy a third ticket one day. There were quite a few Dumb Dumb listeners there from memory. I did a couple of gigs there and yeah, a few dumbos came out. And this was years ago too where it was like, you know, it felt more like crazy that anyone in Australia listened, let alone on the other side of the world.

Right. Did any of them come to our last LA gig? I feel like they did. A couple of them did. Oh, did they? Yeah, yeah. Shout out to you San Francisco guys for making that a pleasurable experience. Moving on.

No, yeah, yeah. Look, I'd like to go but I haven't been. I've been to the airport. Moving on No Yeah Yeah Look I'd like to go But I haven't been I've been to the airport Alright well thanks Thanks James Wellington

Thanks James Wellington That's where that was from See you in New Zealand Yep Thank you to patrons and subscribers Look now I don't like to do this But this guy's given me

No other option And I feel like he wants me To read this out So I'll say it Okay this guy's given me no other option. I feel like he wants me to read this out, so I'll say it. Okay. This guy's not supplied his real name. He supplied a silly little thing. Well, I'll be the judge of that. Okay.

All right. Thank you to patron subscriber Old Mate. That's what he's put in. Or she. Or she. Now, I wouldn't normally allow this. I think that's. Someone came up to me at the live show we did the other day and was like,

hey, you know, when's my name getting read out? And I was like, what's your name? And then she said her name and she's like, oh, I've put it in as this. And it's a name that just sounds so made up. Right. And I was like, I reckon that one's been deliberately vetted. Great. Because it sounds like four words that you've made up to fuck us over.

Great. Like, the whole point of it is bullying people about their names. Yeah. Which if you write in, oh, boy, I'll get them, poo, dick, wee, bum. Yeah. Well, then. You've taken the fun out of it. You've taken the fun out of it.

Yeah. Yeah. We want to turn it into something, not you just say a silly thing, the end of it. We want to get something out of nothing. Yeah. Yeah. And Old Mate, I mean, yeah, they've really, they've fucked us here. There's nowhere to go.

There's nowhere to go at all. Yeah. It's just for people that are from overseas, Old Mate's just, I guess, a very Australian thing of saying, you know, oh, there's Old Mate. That guy. Yeah, that guy that I'm not, maybe don't know the name of, something like that.

Yeah, it's a good way of just referring to, oh, you know, the other day when old mate was going on about this. Yeah. Well, you'll never guess what old mate's done. Yes. And then the, and then so then there's a kind of an offshoot of that which is your mate. Now that's way better.

Which is used to basically be like this piece of shit that sometimes it's like I know that you hate. So it's like, oh, yeah, guess what your mate was saying. But it's not really their mate. It's someone that they detest. Either they detest or you're just trying to stick someone on another guy. Yes. Just to go, oh, your mate, meaning it could often be you don't even know them. Or you don't know them that well.

Or it's a bit like if someone's fucked and it's like you're saying to your friend, like, yeah, you introduced this person into our lives. Yeah. Your best mate. Or it could even be this guy's fucked and I just want to say that you're fucked, so he's your mate. He's your mate. Yeah.

God, it's a rich language we have in this country. That's on the citizenship test when you come into this country. You learn all about that. Anyway, so this person who's written this down, they've really fucked us over. They've ruined the Talking Dumb Dumb segment for this week. And for those reasons and more, Carl, that's your mate. Yeah. See, James Wellington, we got a lot more out of James Wellington.

Just put your name in. Don't put old mate in. It's wasting all of our time. If you're going to put a fake name, at least put a fake name that sounds like it could be a real name. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's a good call. You know what? I even went through their email address to see if there was anything there. It's pretty whatever.

Oldmate at oldmate.com. No, no. No, there's not a heap to work with. So, look, I hope you're happy. I hope you've dragged our podcast down for the last five minutes. Yeah. Was this worth it? Ask yourself that.

When you look in the mirror tonight, ask yourself, was it worth it? Yeah. Why put it in there? No one's heard your name and sort of no one will come up and say, I heard you on the Dun Dun podcast. Yes, yes. You've just wasted everyone's time. In fact, you should double your Patreon subscription for doing this.

Yes, just say sorry for this. It's at $5 at the moment. I think you should at least double it for wasting everyone's money. It's a fucking – it's a content fine. Yeah. It's taking the piss. It's really taking the mickey. I really hope you take this on board.

Yeah. Old mate. Fucking hell. Okay. All right. Well, there's take this on board. Yeah. Old mate. Fucking hell. Okay. All right. Well, there's not much point continuing. That's what I think. People are just going to absolutely take the mickey like this.

Look, the only thing I would say is that I would hate to have that taste in our mouth finishing this podcast with us being so deflated. Yeah. You're right. We've had our main. Let's have a bit of- We've had our main. Let's have a bit of. We've had our Wellington. Let's have a bit of dessert.

Let's have a bit of Yorkshire pudding. Yes. For our dessert. Yep. Let's do one more. What do you say? One more, you reckon? Yeah.

I kind of want to cancel the whole segment altogether, but you're right. It'd be a shame to leave on such a sour note. All right. So let's, yeah, let's try and redeem ourselves with this one. Yep. Okay. I'll hit the button one more time. Oh, this is heaps better. All right. Here we go. All right. So let's, yeah, let's try and redeem ourselves with this one. Yep. Okay. I'll hit the button one more time. Oh, this is heaps better. All right, here we go.

Great. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Old Mate Comedy. That's funny. Comedy is a funny word. Comedy is a funny last name. Old Mate, that's good. Yeah. So that's what, like one word or hyphenated?

Two words. Two words. O-L-D. Yep. Space. M-A-T-E, which is pretty funny. Like Old Mate. That's great. So it's O-L-D. Yep. Space. M-A-T-E. Which is pretty funny. Like old mate.

That's great. So it's like someone makes you laugh. You can be like, oh, it's old mate comedy. He's done it again. Yeah. And that's a funny thing to say in Australia. Like when you say you don't know someone's name or whatever, you go, you know, you go, oh, it's old mate. And it's like, oh, nice.

I actually, I've seen this person pop up online. I recognize them on socials. Yeah. Right. They've got a brother. Brother's a bit of a piece of shit. Really? Bit of an online bully. What recognise them on socials. Yeah. Right. They've got a brother. Brother's a bit of a piece of shit. Really? Bit of an online bully.

What's their name? Your Mate Comedy. Right. Okay. Is that Asian or what's that? Jesus Christ. Is that Y-U-R-M-A? I don't know.

They've still got the egg as their profile picture. Oh, right. So, yeah. Right. I think they value their privacy. Yeah. Oh, we won't read their name out then. Yeah, exactly. But, yeah, thanks. Hey, thanks, Old Mate. Yeah, thanks. So, yeah. I think they value their privacy. Yeah. Oh, we won't read their name out then. Yeah, exactly.

But, yeah, thanks. Hey, thanks, old mate. Yeah, thanks, old mate comedy. Nice. See, this is what can happen if you just play the game. Yeah. You don't fuck around with silly pseudonyms. Put the real deal in.

Let us do the work and we'll get something magic out of it at the end. See, and this is proof of that. Yeah, exactly. The proof is in the Yorkshire pudding. Exactly. If we could have a case study of like a real yin and yang, you could just look at the last two names we've read out and really fucking see how to do it and how to not do it.

Yeah. So use this as the case study. Please, do the right thing from now on. Well, thanks to everyone who subscribes on Patreon, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club if you would like to chip in and get all kinds of sweet extra content for your dollar. We really appreciate it. It makes doing this worthwhile.

It keeps the lights on, all that sort of stuff. And you guys get excellent bonus content. By the time you are listening to this, if you subscribe, you'll have got the magazine, a fucking absolutely bumper magazine of our adventures. A super special. Yes. No, not a super special because super special for Mad Magazine was all repeated old stuff.

Was it really? Yes. Well, this kind of is. It's repeated old photos from our holiday to Koh Samui. Well, it's stuff that has happened already. Yes. Yes. So it is old in that way, I guess.

But, yeah, you'll have got that. That's a fucking huge, huge issue. So I hope you appreciate that and all the fucking hours we've spent put into that. You are still waiting to get your Thailand bonus video stuff. That is being slowly put together as we speak. So don't get too crazy that you haven't got that yet. That is still a little while off. It's happening though.

Yeah. I think on the day this goes out, we are busily working on it. Yes. Hopefully well down the track and not too far away. Nice one. So please, yeah, if you want to be part of it, please be part of it. You always hear people on the socials going, oh, I've always thought about

oh get in get in it's not that much you don't notice it missing if you're doing alright for yourself chuck it in yeah and you get some nice little

you know especially if you're on the $10 tier where you get another episode and your two little pals appreciate it very much littledumbdumbclub.com for links and stuff tickets

come out August 3. Check out our stand-up shows. It's going to be heaps of fun. We're looking forward to that. We'll be back next week. We've got our big live episode that we did that we didn't promote on here at all because we organized it with about 36 hours notice. It is the live post-Logie celebration with Dilruk Jaisingha, Joel Creasy,

and Ben Lomas. Heaps of fun. Thanks to everyone who came to that. That's coming up next week. So that's something to look forward to. Yep. And yeah, thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.