The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 406 - Live! Dilruk Jayasinha, Joel Creasey & Ben Lomas

Episode Date: July 18, 2018

Hot off the back of a huge week in old media, we threw together a last minute live show to celebrate the Logies victory of our great pal DILRUK JAYASINHA! We dissect the fallout of our Facebook live stream plus debut the plans for our own Mr. Universe. JOEL CREASEY gives us all the goss from the Channel Ten table and BEN LOMAS fills in for a guest who cancelled on us at the last minute! We also dive into Dil's evening, his wardrobe malfunctions and how he snuck some sweet Dum Dum references into his speech!Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:MELBOURNE: We're doing our 2018 stand-up shows back-to-back for one night only! AUGUST 3. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live, hot off television's night of nights with special guests, Dilruk Jaisingh, Joel Creasy, and for some reason, Ben Lomas. That's right, this is Dilruk winning the Logie and us getting him live on stage but a few days afterwards to really celebrate an underdog, I guess, an under sausage dog maybe.

I don't know. They're actually pretty skinny. Yeah, you're right. They're actually pretty long and slender. Sausage just seemed apt. An under pug. Round and ugly. Yeah.

Still not fat enough but I guess still isn't fat enough these days either so anyway he's one of those what are they the what's the thing where they send the dog into the snow to save trapped people and it's got the fucking barrel of saint bernard the saint bernard yeah but it's a fucking bucket of kfc on his neck all right no one gets saved because he's just eating it all himself under saint bernard yeah this calibre of joke and more can be found in the episode that you're about to hear. First of all, though, we've got to let you know that Friday, August the 3rd at the European Beer Cafe.

In Melbourne. In Melbourne. These two good old boys are reprising their stand-up shows from this year, Leisure Suit Tommy and Carl Chandler's Shit List. Our one-hour specials. Yep, yep. Taping them for a lot of news about people recording specials for Netflix. We're going to be taping these for Civic Video.

That's going to be cool. Netflix and the Bean, maybe that. Good stuff. So, yeah, that's going to be heaps of fun. Tickets at littledumbdumbclub.com. Two hours plus of stand-up comedy of a Friday evening in Melbourne. Yeah. Check that out.

Can't wait to – tickets already selling well. Can't wait to see a bunch of awareys down there. We are going to be back after the episode with another rousing edition of Talking Dum Dum. But until then, enjoy this live episode, a ripper live episode actually. Heaps of fun this night. Thanks to everyone who was there with Dilruk Chai-Singha,

Joel Creasy and Ben Lomas. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me is the other hub of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Thank you so

much, but really it's an honour just to be nominated, guys. Truly, truly is. Man, we did it. We rigged the logos. Yeah. Guys, welcome to our TED Talk

on how to completely fuck up the media landscape. I feel like Zuckerberg after Trump got in. We were kind of like the equivalent of digital streakers at the Logies. Do you know what I mean? Just running across the screen with our dicks out going, Hey! Sorry, I'm just telling our tech

to maybe turn my mic on. It's just good to play in front of a, you know, very, very different crowd. I'm pretty sure everyone here was in Koh Samui,

yeah? Sorry, I just love the idea of you one day winning a Logie and you get on and the first thing you do is hang shit on the tech problems.

Well, it's an honour to... Oh, well, this is fucking good, isn't it? Yeah, good one, cunt. Anyway. Yeah, cheers. Fuck, now I'm keen to win one. That would be pretty good. I'd be on the highlight reel for years to come.

The first winner to come the first winner to say the C-bomb that would be he'd be the only person to win and be in the inn memoriam in the same year especially his best newcomer

as well you just get up welcome to the start of the rest of your career you're all cunts that guy that that guy that won best newcomer before

went and killed himself in the dunnies because the mic wasn't working during his speech. He will be missed. I don't know how he got on Home and Away to begin with, but anyway. Oh, God. But, yeah, what a week.

We really did it to old media this week, didn't we? Yeah. I mean, I don't know whether to take full responsibility. I mean, I'm sure the bloke who won did something. I mean, we can't know whether to take full responsibility. I mean, I'm sure the bloke who won did something. I mean, we can't take full responsibility. The people who counted the votes had something to do with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cameraman, the sound people.

Oh, let's not thank them. Webby, I love you, Webby. The editor of TV Week. I mean, they can take between them maybe 3% of the victory. Talk about old media. I mean, fuck, you're talking about the media awards on TV. Who still makes a magazine saying, oh, what time's the news on tonight?

Fuck, what a magazine. It's up there with fucking beta video recorded monthly or whatever. Like, I cannot believe there's still TV Week. I mean, no wonder they're sponsoring a fucking awards It's up there with fucking beta video recorded monthly or whatever. I cannot believe there's still TV Week. I mean, no wonder they're sponsoring a fucking awards, just so people remember what the fuck they are. Again, are you practising your acceptance speech? Talk about biting the hand that feeds. That would be so great.

Well, first I'll work on getting on a TV show and then I'll worry about being nominated. I'd like to use this platform to announce the launch of my new competing television-based magazine. Oh, yeah. What about we make a new TV award? It's a little Dum Dum Club hoagies or, you know, whatever. Oh, that's not bad.

Like, spelt like the sandwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool. Yeah. Oh, we'll talk about it later, but anyway. Yeah. I, um... Yeah, so, yeah. Cool, cool. Yeah. We'll talk about it later, but anyway. Yeah. I, um... Yeah, so who watched the...

We did a streaming sort of thing on Facebook to... We watched Dilbrook, Jai Singh. Spoiler alert, he won. Oh, man, I haven't caught up yet. Man, read about it next week in TV Week. Isn't that... That's the best bit. Like, they are now, because of the internet,

they're behind the times on the awards that they run. Like, they don't even have the exclusive scoop on their own fucking thing. Yeah, yeah. That rules. Yeah. Here's who won the Emmy in 1976. Good stuff, guys.

Does anyone in here buy TV Week? No one does the old school get out the highlighter and, you know, mark out a current affair just so they remember to watch it or anything like that? Let's start Podcast Week. It's just a listing of, like, what guests are on all the shows this week. Fuck.

All right. Good interaction. No, but I was thinking like because we put out a magazine on Patreon why don't we turn it into like TV week but it's like

dum dum week and just every week it's just us on the cover yeah they've done it again with some sort of romantic triangle happening yeah

yeah fuck that'd be good I mean like as if that could happen we do it of course we can make it happen so yeah whatever but we did we went live as hell on Facebook who watched it? That'd be good. I mean, like, as if that could happen. We do it. Of course we can make it happen. So, yeah, whatever. But we did.

We went live as hell on Facebook. Who watched it? Who enjoyed it? Wow. More people than people who didn't watch it cheering. Like, yeah, I did anything else. It was fucking sick. Tommy deleted it immediately afterwards.

And people were saying to me, why did you delete it? And I was like, I don't know, I thought it was really funny and then people started telling me what I said in it and I'm like, cool Yeah, I think everyone else by the time we left to go to the pub everyone else had had drinks and I was completely sober I went, well I'm going to be responsible and take care of this one

because I remember everything that got said and I do not want to be dealing with this in two hours time at the pub It's a shame because I did break an exclusive I remember everything that got said and I do not want to be dealing with this in two hours' time at the pub. It's a shame because I did break an exclusive for the very last sentence of the live stream. I said, Burt Newton is gay. I could have been in the paper, but thanks a lot. There's a few things in the stream that would have made the papers, I think.

Like what? Let's do them now. Alright, we'll go into a sealed section and I'll edit this out. Alright, hang on. If you don't say this one, I've got one up my sleeve. Alright, go. Okay, I mean... In 2018, you can't be referring to Tracy Grimshaw as Grimace every time she comes on the screen.

And get away with it. I just felt like... It's Tracy Grimace. That was the beautiful part of it. Look, I won't say who that was but he has run a few guns in his time. Sure. He started it but then everyone did say it themselves at one point. We all became infected

with the Serbian virus that went around the room. Yeah, because I thought she looked nice. Yeah. And then there was you having your little one man hot or not across the hall. She's hot. Hot grimace. What's wrong with appreciating beauty?

He's doing it again. He's reenacting the whole live stream. Let's do a Miss Dum Dum right now on stage. Let's doing it again. He's reenacting the whole live stream. Let's do a Miss Dum Dum right now on stage. Let's do... Fucking hell. Fuck, that would be good. But like with one of those sealed toilet sort of sashes instead of the normal sashes.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do a red carpet at one of our podcasts sometime. A red carpet? I was thinking maybe one time we'd do a red carpet At one of our podcasts Sometime A red carpet I was thinking Maybe one time We do like a Mr Universe

And like have the hottest guys That listen to our show Okay That would be good So as guests No it's like a Sort of talent quest Oh right

Yeah So not like comedians Just like random hot dudes That we find in the street The hottest guys That listen to us Oh fuck Good luck Jesus Christ Yeah check out these Fours that we find in the street. The hottest guys that listen to us. Oh, fuck. Good luck. Jesus Christ.

Check out these fours that we found in the crowd. Guys, guys, guys. Not two of you on stage at a time. Sir, if you can stop licking the KFC grease off your fingers, we're trying to judge a beauty contest up here. Sounds like a good idea already, I think.

So, I don't know why TV Week didn't think of it first. I thought you meant we just have an ep where we have, like, like a live ep where we have, like, what, Dave Thornton, Harley Breen. We just get all the babes of comedy. Nah, boring. A little eye candy for the ladies. Boring. Nah.

People already know they're hot. I want to see the hot guys listeners. You know, there's... What's happened to you in the last three days where you've been like, gone from salivating over women on the red carpet to like, I want to fuck the dudes that listen to my podcast

live on stage. Man. I didn't say I want to fuck him. That's sexist, man. That's not cool, man. That's some real hashtag he too. It's technically a joke. Just picturing myself in the future.

Are we out of the sealed section yet? Did we ever keep an eye on coming out of that? Speaking of coming out, Bert Newton, wonderful. Old news. Who are you, TV Week? Yeah, what else do we need to say about... Yeah, so the stream was a lot of fun.

Thanks to everyone who tuned in yeah we had a good time we had a bunch of we had a bunch of guests we had Brett Blake turning up one day into dry July

and succumbed to the powers of Milan within about three minutes no no no it wasn't that long it was literally he walked in

with a bottle of mineral water and we said are you fucking drinking that and he goes sorry and got a beer and then put the bottle of mineral water and we said are you fucking drinking that? And he goes sorry and got a beer. And then put the bottle of mineral water in your freezer and it blew up overnight.

I don't know what he was thinking. He went from being an alcoholic to a complete addicted non-alcoholic because my fridge is now covered in fucking mineral water. There's so many cans and bottles and stuff in there apart from the one that blew up. He thought he was just going to sit there and drink a slab of mineral water like there's so many cans and bottles and stuff in there apart from the one that blew up He thought he was just gonna sit there and drink a slab of mineral water

He turned up with a slab of Voss See I don't know the reference It's the brand of water. It's a brand of water Oh, you probably couldn't see the label because it shattered into a billion pieces in the freezer. I don't buy mineral water, so... Sorry. You know, it's just, you know, comedy's all about, you know, um... Context. That says it all.

Comedy's about, uh... Context. Yeah. So I don't know the reference So that joke wasn't for me It's fine There'll be one for you later on I reckon Good, good

I'll try and cater to you A bit more later on Good Let me know which one Cool, alright Chicks are hot Nah man, I've moved on Can't wait for this Mr Universe

Fuck it's gonna be good Is there anyone there Like sort of doing butt clenches, getting ready already? Because we won't do it tonight, probably. But... Yeah. All right. This is...

Because we have, like, an online... On Facebook, we have, like, a fit club. You know, there's a Dum Dum Club fit club. Weirdly, but there is one of them. So there's new motivation for you guys out there, you know? Let's talk about... What's the motivation? If we judge that if they win our Mr Universe we get, what

we add them into that Facebook group? No, no, no because people in there have been like getting fit to go to Costa Mui and things like that well now some of these fat fucks want to get that trophy. Oh there's a trophy now because we haven't discussed that at all what would the prize be? Why would you have a Mr Universe

without a trophy? Someone just comes up here and you go, yeah, you're the one and then they walk home. I think the bigger question is why would you have a Mr Universe?

Man, I can hear the response here. It's fucking nailed on for the next podcast. Who would answer? Who reckons they could take it? One female?

That's one man that sounds a lot like Tommy Dasselot, actually. I want him to win. He sounds hot. All right, yeah. Well, look, I think people were putting their hands up. That's why we couldn't hear. Oh, right.

What a bummer. Anyway, we'll move on. Yeah, fair enough. All right, let's talk about... Let's get back to the Logies. Okay. So for people at home, it's... Television's night of nights.

It is. So this year it was a little bit more podcasting's night of nights. Yeah. So we... To catch everyone up, I guess, we did campaign for our friend to win a Logie. And it was handsomely paid off. Not as handsome as the Mr. Dumb Dumb Universe that's coming up. Good.

Forward branding. Get it going. Love it. Let's just ditch this podcast. Get straight to it. It was paid off handsomely by getting mentioned twice on the Logies. Tony Martin announced the winner by mentioning that he'd been on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. And then the winner comes on and mentions our name as well. And a lot of people are saying it's the first podcast

to get mentioned on the Logies. It's like, well, fucking which other one would? Yeah, remember when Georgie Parker won and she got up and said, what's up, what the fucking ears, what the fuck buddies, what the fuckaholics? Yeah, exactly. High Five didn't get up and say My favourite murder fucking rules

But maybe they would Should have But yeah So it's pretty exciting for us Did it make people watch the Logies here? I mean the bloke in the front row Is on his phone But cool

He's trying to vote in next year's already Yeah He's trying to vote for Mr Universe's already. He's trying to vote for Mr Universe. Still watching the end of the Logies. Oh no, someone's chanced his arm. Mr Universe should be public vote and you have to mail in a

coupon from Dumb Dumb Week magazine. Yeah. from Dumb Dumb Week magazine. Yeah, yeah. Is that another one like the mineral water, you just don't have context for it? No, I was like, I see what you did,

and I had nothing to add. Okay, cool. Thanks, man. All right, hey, let's, so speaking of, look, let's not go any further without mentioning the, look, the elephant in the room. Let's, let's, no, not without mentioning the look the elephant in the room let's

no not like that come on we've moved beyond that you know we're getting rid of the fat jokes in this show and we're getting on to the hot guy jokes in this show so we

we know who the people want to see is that what you're trying to say yeah yeah yeah I mean you want look let's welcome to the stage you would have seen him on the Logies the other night.

So please, welcome to the stage, guys. Joel Creasy! Go there, yeah. Thank you. This is entrant number one. Thank you. We're trying our best to do an insider podcast about the Logies

and we're like, anyway, we watched it on the TV and then some stuff happened in the fridge. Fuck, better get someone who was actually there because we are out of gear. And what a great night it was. I mean, I really love seeing Dillrock win because I host four different TV shows across three different networks. love seeing Dilrock win because I host four different TV shows across three different networks

I've never actually been nominated for Logie even though I've gone five times so really happy for Dilrock who also had a better seat and better table than me but no well done Dilrock really happy for you who was on your table Ranger Stacey so I was sitting between Ranger Stacey. So, I was sitting between fucking Ranger Stacey and Janine from Boost. From what? Janine from Boost Juice. She's a shark in Shark Tank. I didn't even get to ask her about the Vegemite Boost Juice.

I was so... Is Ranger Stacey still around? Still alive. She's done 25 years and totally wild. She hasn't got a logie either, Dilrug. Fuck, was Agro at your table as well? That's who it was under the table. Wow.

That was a good night. And I spent most of the red carpet, people kept saying to me, I wish you were talking about your generation this season. I mean, I didn't do the last seven, six seasons that was Josh so it was fun

boy this sounds like a brutal night for the white man we really took a few hits on Sunday night I have to say we're the only gay representation at the locus

is fucking Bert was he gay? I missed all that did you listen to the live stream on Facebook that we did? Cool, right, yeah. Do you guys do a lot... I'm amazed you get this many people to your... I can't let people go away with you.

It just blows my mind. Because I would like you guys to help me win a Logie, but I will not thank you. In fact, I don't want any association that I know you or that I was here tonight. What about would you come in and help us judge Mr Universe? Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

First time I paid attention when you started talking about it. Fuck, all right. We'll lock that bit in. Everything else you say tonight we'll put in the sealed section, but that bit is guaranteed to go. Yeah, great, thank you. All right, all right. Yeah, fuck, I still don't, we'll put in the sealed section, but that bit is guaranteed to go. Alright, alright. Yeah, fuck, I still don't think we're out of the sealed section, by the way. We're going to have to come back in on the edit at some point.

Oh, is this a podcast? Oh, okay. Love Ranger Stacey. Wow, someone nearly blew their chance of getting on Totally Wild. Well, then we did a sweep of the table and everyone had to put in 50 bucks. And we voted on who we thought would win.

And fucking Janine from Boost won, so she needs the extra 200 bucks, obviously. I thought you were going to say something else. When people put in 50 bucks each at the Lokies, I thought the next stop is the bathroom. That's the Gold Coast, 100 bucks each. That was a good night. We all had deal written down. Not quite sure what that means, but yeah. No, we all had to do, we all bet on who we thought would win Best Newcomer.

Oh, so you actually picked him? Yeah, I thought Sam Frost was going to win. No offence, deal. Hashtag justice for Sam. But, um... Yeah, I thought Sam Frost was going to win. No offence, Dil. Hashtag justice for Sam. No, I'm very happy for you, Dil. I'm very happy that Matty J did not win, who was also nominated. Who's Matty J?

He's the Bachelor who got nominated for two episodes of The Living Room. Oh, really? If he won and I'm sitting there five Logies in, I'd be furious. Next to Ranger Stacey. Now, I had to look him up. So he's got like 300,000 Instagram followers or something like that. Yes. And he made a promotional video for himself as well

and all this sort of stuff. He put a bit of money into it. Imagine a campaign for a Logie. I actually went back and deleted all the Instagrams I did of me posing like, three days left to vote for the Logie. And my fucking Twitter handle being like, vote for me. And then I deleted them all when I didn't get a nomination. Oh, so you were campaigning to get a nomination?

Yeah, I didn't get even a nomination. What the fuck is wrong with people? Maybe Australia has taste, who knows? Yeah, man, it's the way forward to win awards. It's get podcasters on side and fucking rig it. So it's like, you guys have got normal people that don't have anything. They've got too much shit going on. We've got these people.

That's all they've got. You're doing Mr Universe. You are a little bit busy. Potentially. That's going to take off. So this is your fifth time at the Logies. Do you still get excited to go? Yeah, absolutely.

And then this time, well, sort of. And then, no, I do. I like it. And then flying home is fun because normally, because I live in Melbourne, I don't get to see everyone hung over on the flight home. Oh, yeah. And I sat behind Ding Dong Drysdale on the flight home

who kind of went up and down the aisle. I'm assuming she'd had a wine or two. And spoke to people about microwave rice. Hang on, was she the stewardess? Yeah, and I was flying targets, so that was really, no it wasn't. I was going to say, it was a weird experience. What's the best table you've ever been on at the Logies? The best table I've ever been on at the Logies was the SBS table because half of them didn't

rock up and then the rest of them were just drinking like crazy and partying and no one paid attention. Oh, so you were on the Eurovision table, obviously. Yeah, and I had Leland Chin on my table. That was fun. Yeah, it was exciting. This year, Ranger Stacey, who I love, if she's listening. Because you're on a bunch of different channels at the moment,

do you get invites from all different networks and you just get to choose which table in the cafeteria you're sitting in? Yeah, well, yeah. But I didn't get an invite from Channel 9. Pissed off. And I got an invite... Well, Channel 10 invited me first, so I went with them. I was very

excited to sit with Janine from Boost. I had a lot of questions. I had a lot of pictures to give to her actually, and she didn't seem interested. Like what? Mr Universe? That's ours, dude. Oh, yeah. I can put you in touch with Janine if you want. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We should go on Shark Tank. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love that. You should go on Shark Tank.

I'd love that. That's a good idea. So we do a podcast, and we want to get hot guys on stage. What do you think? Alright, hey, look. Let's get our next guest on, please. Yes. Now, again, you guys all love get our next guest on please. Yes. Now again, you guys all love the Logies. You saw the Logies, we know what happened, so let's get him up here. Welcome to the stage, the guy who knocked back the chance to do the warm up for it,

Ben Lomas! Hello. It's such a Logies themed podcast, isn't it? I know, I just love the Logies. Hello. It's such a Logies themed podcast, isn't it? I know. I just love the Logies. I got asked to do warm up for the Logies.

And they said, would you like to do warm up? And I said, I'm on holidays. And they go, we haven't even told you the date. That's exactly what just happened to us with Tom Gleeson. And that's why you're on instead. Yeah. So just so you know, Tom Gleeson was supposed to do it and I just texted him ten minutes ago.

I went, you're running on time? And he said, oh, I thought it was next Sunday. So... Damn, I wanted to cancel too. Sitting on the couch. I bet, yeah, I mean, he must have had the same idea because I was like, you can come in and do it after you record the weekly. And then he goes, oh, I mean, he must have had the same idea because I was like, you can come in and do it after you record the weekly.

And then he goes, oh, I thought you meant on Sunday. He doesn't record the weekly on Sunday. And so, but Lomas, we thought of Lomas first because he was here. Yes. I didn't have a gig booked and I was standing there and Carl goes, you better fucking be funny. I was like, yeah!

Why wouldn't you want to do warm-up at the Logies? Because I've heard it's the worst job in the world. Like, I've heard that you just go out there and people... Because, you know, the dream of a warm-up comedian would like to be in front of the television, and suppose if you go out there, everyone looks at you and goes, who's that fucking loser?

So that's the reason why I didn't want to do it. Okay, fair enough. Thanks, comedy. So Gleeson took sort of the credit for getting Grand Daniel over the line, which, you know, look, we're sort of taking the credit

for getting Dilwark over the line, right? Sure. Yeah, sort of, I think. But for Gleeson to do it, it's like, you know, because no one knows Dil, and we got him past all these home and away sort of people and all that sort of stuff. So I just go, oh, we got him past all these home and away sort of people and all that sort of stuff. So I just go, oh, we know him.

I know him now. I know him now. But he's got like, you know, four or five K on Instagram. All these other people got like a million people on Instagram or whatever. So he's a proper underdog. We feel like we got him across the line. Gleeson's going, I got Grant, then you're the guy, Logie. It's like, fucking, he's a millionaire.

He's had his own TV show for 10 years. It's like, is that really you? Like, he was a... Alright, you're not with me. Alright. Did you say this to Gleeson on the phone? I'm starting to work out why he bailed at the last minute. Just wanted to run some question ideas

past you. First of all, you're a cun. See you at eight. I didn't say that. But who here voted for Denya? Yeah. Well, I don't think we had that much to do with it based on our response. Who voted for Dilruch

but then voted for someone else for gold? Did anyone vote? Wait, was Dilruch nominated for gold as well? No no no no Oh I was going to say I can see your hair you're about to fucking fall Comedy fucking sucks I'm really happy for you

He was nominated for best gay blonde on TV That was Josh Thomas Alright alright should we do it? Should we... He is actually here, isn't he? Because I'd be really pissed off if I've come and he hasn't. We've got another four guests. Let's tease this out a bit longer.

Should we do it? Should we... Should we ring... Yeah, man, you're right. Let's get Bert out here. Should we ring Tom again and see if he can't get here? Alright, guys, welcome to the stage. Logie winner. The new most outstanding

new talent of 2018. Fuck, I thought it was him making the entrance from the toilet. Mr. Podcast Universe. Welcome to the stage, Dilrug Jaisingha! What a tragedy. I pushed him. Fuck. Oh shit. What a tragedy. I pushed him.

Fuck. Hello very much. Fuck yeah. This is first couple of things I've got to clear up. Hang on, you better thank us in this speech. I was going to say, if there's any ambiguity but some people are saying whether you guys got me over the line of course you fucking did, we did it

we fucking did it yes without a shadow of a doubt it's crazy, it's insane, here's my biggest thing I want to get this out of the way before I forget because I fucking forgot to actually thank the voters on the night and it kills me

because I was so paranoid about forgetting to say everything is Rick. Man, I tell you what, next year you probably won't win Best New Talent again, I reckon. And so that's the thing. I was like, I want to make sure first of all I say that. And I know we're probably going to have a lot of fun talking some bullshit, but I want to say as well

genuinely, like, thank you. Because it's important to like, especially with the award, like you need to be humble about it as well I want to genuinely say let me get this out genuinely say thank you to everyone I don't want to make it all about me But I did make this shirt that says This shirt says hello very much Hello very much

With me holding the logo So it's a picture of you on a t-shirt. So it looks like a mini babushka doll of you. And then you and then your actual shape could fit inside the Dilruch from six months ago as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I'm selling this afterwards as well because... I love the guy...

As in what I'm saying, I'm selling the Loki. The guy that says, I don't want to make it all about me whilst unveiling a t-shirt with his own face It's almost like I set it up that way Can I get a look? Yeah. Yeah, can I have a hold? Says TV bake. Did you just get this in Thailand? Wow, did you party after yeah, yeah, yeah, I see you I can't remember Which party which party did you go to? I went, I think, to the Channel 10 party.

Right, right, right. After I announced your name, I suddenly started drinking a lot more. Can't quite remember the end of the wards. Oh, man. No, I went to the Channel 10 one, and then when that wrapped up, I thought, you know, fuck it, I'm going to try and sneak into the Channel 9 party, right? And I went there hoping to make up some excuse, but apparently just holding a silver log in your hands, you're like fuck it, I'm going to try and sneak into the Channel 9 party, right? And I went there hoping to make up some excuse, but apparently just holding a silver log in your hands,

you're like, yeah, come on through. I was like, wow, this is the best. Can I walk everywhere with this? I've been turned away from the Channel 9 party before, so that's also good to hear. Good to know. The one network I don't fucking work for. It's good to have some appreciation from Matt.

No, I'm really happy for you. You know, I love the fact that you mentioned us. I love the fact that you wedged in two catchphrases. Yeah, well, the first one was the one I promised that I was going to do, which was I said hello very much. I don't even remember why we came up with that. Yeah, I was trying to remember today as well. It's just so weird, but I was like, fuck, I'll say that.

And then I thought, fuck, while I'm on a roll, everything is right. And that got like, and I listened to it again, that got like about two laughs in the audience. I only picked up one. And I found out later it was the bloke from Chaser, Craig Rucasso. The only person that listened to the podcast there. And that's very funny because you told me that and I realised that. So I was on his show Media Circus

two years ago wasn't nominated for Best New Talent anyway but get over it but I remember

I went in and I tried to wear the Dum Dum t-shirt on TV and I was in the change rooms and I said to him is it okay to wear this and he just went

no and then started listening to it after that. And all of a sudden, he's fucking cheering you using our catchphrases on the fucking Logie. He hosts a show called War on Waist, so he knew he didn't want to have your waist in the show.

And he's tweeting us photos of you going like, yeah, Dilruk's winning a Logie and you're at home masturbating. Guess what, fuckhead? Masturbating's awesome. So I'm fine with that. And with you, you don't awesome so I'm fine with that. And with you, you don't just do it at home.

You sperm everywhere. Yeah exactly. Get the references dude. Why didn't you say that in the speech? Sperm everywhere. You did, not far off. You did tell the audience to suck it at one point. Oh yeah, that's what I was trying to say.

So I love the fact that you did those references. What I loved even more is that I know you used a joke that Adam Knox pitched you and it bombed. Janine from Boost laughed. I remember Janine from Boost laughing. Oh really? During the night, I'm not sure if it was during you. We should tell her that Adam Knox wrote it because it could use some money, I think.

But no, yeah, Knox made that joke about cram saying it's still i said it makes me laugh that i got nominated for cram and he goes well that's the only time cram got any laughs or something i'm like that's good i'm gonna use it bombed yeah i guess the person who got the last laugh was adam knox well i messaged him and went loved your writing on the log and he goes do look fucked dude I don't know why I went wrong with that one but I did enjoy saying suck it

that was fun it was really enjoyable see and it's not like the bit that we wrote for you everything is Rick it's not like that killed but hey you've got two more laughs

than Adam Moxley's done Rue Castle's into it yeah he's in comedy you know that's worth like ten laughs so yeah yeah yeah yeah

man that's great like 10 laughs. That's great if you're at the Logies just playing to the back of the room. I should say, sorry, I did, no, I got given a gift bag. Did you get given a gift bag? No, apparently not. Did you ever get a free boost juice? No, fucking no, I didn't really talk to her. Did you get a free koala from Ranger Stacey?

This is the first time I felt a little bit more of high status than Joe Carisi in the past. Better looking, younger, more successful. Yeah, as opposed to just high blood pressure. But I was going to say, there was a gift bag, right? Where they threw random shit in there as well, like makeup and all kinds of weird things. There was some cool stuff like... Weird things like makeup? Yeah. Well, I don't need the makeup.

Like, this is not Blackfacts. I think it was Sam Foster. Hang on. This cost me a thousand bucks. So we all know that Dil, sorry Joel Do you know why they're relatively skinny at the moment?

I don't know how they're on TV I don't think Joel knows what this is We met at one point He sold me some weed or something My assistant remembers collecting it with you No, why are you You might have sold me some weed or something. My assistant remembers the collecting of you. No, why are you... Oh, that's right, you guys are doing some sort of diet. They had a $1000 bet.

Who could break... Get under 100 kilos, right? And I got there quicker, so Ben had to pay me $1000. Which, as we know... $1000? Yeah, $1000. Things are going great. His child can't afford daycare anymore.

We were supposed to go overseas and we went to Mildura instead. Sounds like someone should have said yes to the fucking warm-up gig at the Lollies. I guess what I did with the $1,000 went to Samui. That's very honourable to keep your word. I know, I know, but if anyone needs any weed...

So, the gift bag, right? There was a gift bag and I thought, you know what, there's some random shit in there. There was like cool stuff like headphones and like battery packs and all that kind of cool stuff.

So I thought... Oh, hang on, you've got props. Well, I thought... You've got napkins. The good people exceed our hospitality. I'll bring a gift for my mates, Kyle Chandler and stuff like that. I didn't give you anything from the gift bag,

but I thought this could be useful. There you go. People don't know what it is because you didn't open up. It's a toilet seat. It's the Dunny. Okay. Is that a puke?

Wow, it's so funny. Tommy and I talked about this beforehand and he goes, oh, fuck, I can't wait for this gag to bomb on stage. Yep. This is what happens when I outsource my material to other people. Be careful what you wish for, folks.

Now I know how Adam Knox feels. Is that from your toilet? From the hotel room on the... No, it was just backstage. I thought it'd be funny to bring it out on stage. Bit of a... You know what? I'm handing the logie back.

I'm Bert. I'm gay. Yeah, there we go. Fixed it. I was going to say, Bertski, you're starting to sound pretty funny to me. What else? You did say thank you to us before you thanked your mum and dad, which was appreciated.

I didn't think that was a big deal. I was just rattling off. The only thing I'd memorised about the speech was Knox's gag and also who people to thank. So I just wanted to make sure I had an order and I went, okay, I'll thank my management, I'll thank the fans and I'll thank the Melbourne Comedy Centre and then thank you guys, get the reference out and then I can sincerely thank mum and dad.

But I didn't think it was a hierarchy where my family... Yeah, people think that's weird but you want to close on the most sincere one. You're not going to pour your heart out and then go PS, plus this podcast. Yeah, exactly. What about Lomas? Did you get annoyed that we got two plugs? He didn't even plug your own podcast.

But also because I was away on holidays and friends were watching the television and they were like boy, does he look good. And I'm like, I better get a fucking picture you paid for this makeover I know I know

how dare you mention anything about plugging tell me tell people what you posted on your Instagram account today for the first time not the first time for the first time

okay look everyone knows me I'm the king of social media and I posted about our podcast. Yeah, episode 19. That's when he finally decided to tell his fans about it. Look, I don't know the password. All four of them.

I don't know the password to many things in my life. So, yeah, I'm the king of social media. I'm learning. That's why I'm learning. Do you guys have a podcast too? See? I think you need to get on board with the podcast Imagine, tomorrow I've got one

So just tell them that you will plug them and give them a shout out and get them on board and just don't do it Getting me my loggy next year I feel uncomfortable with you telling me you're going to plug me but anyway Me or Teal Just some mentoring

And that's the same response look a lot of people won't get that reference because they deleted everything that Burt Newton said yeah

do you know this no so someone uploaded someone uploaded a highlights clip of all of like Tony Martin's voiceover stuff

over the night which is awesome and I was looking for like our bit in it and it's not in there and I was like our bit yeah our mention I was looking for like our bit in it and it's not in there and I was like our bit yeah

our mention I was like does the person who edited this like hate our show or something and then my friend was saying

no they've done it off the replay on the Channel 9 site and because of Bert's thing copped so much flack they've cut all of Bert's bit out

which means that you getting the award isn't in the replay on the Channel 9 website they cut your intro out because when they read your name, he thought he was just making up a funny name. And also, he didn't say it properly. He said, and the low he goes to.

Do-rook-jai-a-sin-na-na-na-na. We have some awards coming over here on the side by the look of things. More Serbian juice. Oh, okay. That's Milan. Milan's putting some beers in. I love beer. Oh, that's... Yeah.

The shout-outs were really good. Can I say this briefly? While Milan's in the conversation, so we were talking about the live stream that we did. A bunch of us wanted to watch you win or, you know, if you lost, that would have been very funny as well. Anything for content. Yeah, exactly.

So we all got there. We did a live stream on Facebook. We were all watching. So Milan brought a lot of drinks along, so we all got pretty excited and stuff like that. When we left, I left the house. We all left the house together in a bit of a bombsite. It was a bit fucked up. There was a lot of beers everywhere and all that sort of stuff.

That's wild. Yeah. Way better than Logies we get crazy when we go live on Facebook that's a lose now what's Facebook?

did you just call it Spacebook? so so Milan's fucking this all up when I get when I get back and this up. When I get back, when I get back, and this is true,

when I get back, my cat, Crunchy, had fallen in the toilet. So Milan had Milan'd Crunchy. My cat, how the fuck did my cat get in the toilet? So I get home and there's like muddy paw prints all over the toilet seat. And I'm like looking at her going, oh, she must have sort of, she's very fascinated with the toilet. So she sort of jumps, she likes to stand up and just look in it. Yeah.

So I'm like, oh, that's all the paw prints. To see if her owner's car keys are in there. So there's a bunch of paw prints on there. But then I go, I look inside and go, there's paw prints from the inside as well. And there's paw prints all over the inside, all over the outside. And then the toilet roll next to it had been like, the whole roll had been like pulled out. Fucking hell.

So she jumped out and grabbed the toilet roll and just gone... And couldn't get purchase on it? Yeah, yeah. Like a trick deal, you know? So did you change your name to Soggy? Imagine the...

It's back, baby! I got your baby back! Imagine the emotional rollercoaster of your night if you watch your mate win a Logie, you go out and celebrate and then you come home

and your cat's drowned in the toilet. Like, fucking hell. Why didn't someone use the half flush? Every joke works except for the cat dying. Yeah. Going back to the shoutouts,

obviously the shoutout, and I know there was a Sorry, back to you I want to get this out There's a few things I want to make sure I get on this podcast Sam Mack Sam Mack a friend of the show Was very excited about it Channel 7 weatherman

I was talking to Hughsey And he comes up Wait Do you know Hugh? Is everything Rick? I think I've all weighed off him once. But I started Hughes the end and Sam... You love a good in-joke from a podcast, don't you, Joel?

I love it. What's your favourite dum-dum in-joke? Oh, the one that you... The host? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that you charge money for this? No, this is the only podcast I do. But no, back to you, Jill.

Also, I just want to know, did you take a date to the Logies? Oh, great question. How do nominees get dates? No, apparently I counted for two. No, that doesn't work anymore. Fuck, I'm so used to it. No, only Golden Logie nominees get dates. No, really?

Yeah, and Andy Lee, I believe. Yeah. Now, have you changed the Tinder profile pic yet? Well, we'll get to that. No, I haven't yet, but I think I should. I think I should. I want to put this up there. This is what's on my T-shirt right now of me holding the Logie screaming.

Would that be too sad? Because I told you what happened the last time. I don't think it's too obvious. I think it's... So, going back to this thing, I'm actually speaking on Tinder. It was Hughsey.

I was sitting with Hughsey on the couch and he goes, what the fuck are you doing? Dave Hughes. He's a comedian. He's the guy who hosted... Sitting with who?

Hughes. Hughes, right. Fucking hell. Come on. I hope... I know, but I was sitting with Hughes and... There it is. I made him play know, but I was sitting with Hughes, and...

There it is. I made him clear. And he literally goes, so what the fuck are you doing? Are you on Tinder yet? I'm like, no. He goes, fucking get on there now. And he made me keep swiping right on everything.

He goes, mate, tonight's the night. You've got to try and capitalise. So we're talking. Sam Mack comes along, and he goes, man, that was so funny, the reference to Dum Dum. I think he said something about everything is rigged and stuff. And Sam Mack goes away along and he goes, man, that was so funny, the reference to Dum Dum, and I think he said something about everything is Rick and stuff, and Sam Mack goes away and he just goes, does he know that

I know Rick? He fucked his own reference up. By the way, I just realised before, as we were going on, I just realised that I still have Rick's phone number from that joke. The actual Rick? The actual Rick. No, the Rick number that you give out?

Yes. So the shit Rick, or the comedian that hit you up for gigs? No, no, no. The actual Rick. The actual Rick. So you said that on the... You said everything is Rick at the Logies on Sunday, and then yesterday, a listener of this show went into a tattoo parlour.

No. They put down money. And what do you think they got permanently written on themselves? No. Everything is Rick. Fucking hell. Really? One applause.

Yes. Geneve, please. Because everyone's a bit shocked. That was a round of sadness. Wow, it's weird what Nick Capa will do for this podcast. No, no, no, we said someone walked in with money and paid for his car. This is like a cult. This is like a cult you're running. Yeah, it feels like it a little bit.

If Capa got a tattoo, that would be the first time a needle got hepatitis from the person. That was a good joke You should have written my speech Not a fucking open mic like Adam Knox On the table I was with Joel Was our good friend Fiona Lockley I could see your table I could name everyone on your table Did you see how much fun we were having on our table? No.

Our table's going off. Fiona and I, first thing we knew we were not meant to be there is when she and I swapped mains and started eating each other's food. That was when we realised, oh, we're really daggy. But then after I'd won... Food. Classic Fiona Lachlan, I wish she was here to say this herself, but we're supposed to be...

What happened? What? She's not me, she goes... What happened? What? She's not dead, she's just... Oh, not dead. Oh, that sounds very grim. What a way to find out! Did you go to the toilet during the In Memoriam?

Well, that's what she said. She comes up to me, she whispers, she goes, well, the good thing is, now when you die, you'll definitely make the In Memoriam. Jeez. Fucking mole. Well, the good thing is, now when you die, you'll definitely make the In Memoriam. Jeez. Fucking mole. Well, you've joined an illustrious list because I looked up the history of the Graham Kennedy Most Outstanding New Talent Awards. Here we go.

Yeah. So, who have we got? We've got the 2008 winner, Tammy Clarkson. Yeah. Is this a Patreon read Clarkson Clark daughter we'll do four

we'll do four more Clark Tammy Clarkson I think the name is like their father was a Clark and that's why the son became Clarkson yes

what a weird world so if you follow if you follow in the footsteps of Tammy Clarkson you may also get two more gigs in the next ten years. So who is Tammy Clarkson? Did you do any research? That's all I could get.

Do you know Clarkson? Two gigs in ten years no one knows Clarkson. Thanks Tammy. Thanks Tammy. Up for $69 a month. Very nice. Our career is in the memoriam.

So, or you could be like the 2006 winner who was Chris Lilley. There we go. Or to be fair, you look like a Chris Lilley character. Your opening joke in your acceptance speech

was about as funny as a Chris Lilley show Oh my god Really? Yeah Well he did well for a while For a while?

Yeah So I just got to enjoy it for a bit and then just watch it What if I turned out all along that I was actually

in brownface that I'm a really meta character I'm still not convinced to be honest That guy's going to come Name Dylan Jason something Yeah I'm a really meta character I'm still not convinced to be honest that day's gonna come Dylan Jason something yeah yeah

Jason Singer yeah what did you say? no Lisa McEwan was one so there's some there's some good people you just made that up so no

isn't it? she won the gold Logie there's a difference he didn't win the gold Logie okay I wasn't really watching and also 2010 Matt Preston won oh really

he was a newcomer he was a newcomer in 2010 fucking hell he would have eaten the Logie he would have eaten Lisa McEward

who was the most famous person to come up to you on the night apart apart from me? I was going to say you. And congratulate you. Well, the Boost Juice lady. Jane!

But I didn't know... She wasn't even fucking talking to me on my table! I was in there for five hours! I would say, well, Rove, but he's kind of involved in comedy, I suppose, so that's a bit different. The one I was... What a big fucking intro for him. but he's kind of involved in comedy, I suppose, so that's a bit different. The one I was... What a big fucking intro for him. Rove's kind of involved in comedy. Wow.

Wow. No, but like, he's the most famous person, but I already knew him from stand-up. But I'm trying to think of someone... Shannon Knoll was really exciting for me to meet him, because I don't know if anyone has heard me talk about Shannon Knoll. He just loves it when someone else wins something. He was really, really sweet. Because I don't know if I've ever told this story on this podcast, but I was a genuine fan of Shannon Noll ever since...

No! No! No! The funniest thing you've said all night, dude. As that joke was bombing, I was like, I gotta lift like this. No, I love Shannon Noll genuinely. That song, Lift, has got me through some tough times. Especially after every appearance on this podcast in the past. But no, I saw him once outside in St Kilda

near the Prince Pat pub. There's a busker at about 2 o'clock in the morning. He showed up drunk, and he asked the busker if he can borrow the guitar. He played the guitar for like 10 minutes, gathered a massive crowd, collected like $500 for the busker, and then just fucked off into the night. And I thought, fuck, that's awesome. I asked

him, is that like, I told him about that story. He goes, oh yeah, yeah, and I do that all the time. He just collects money for buskers and then fucks off. What a sweet guy. Well, that's why he was hanging around you, because he's obviously, you know, a big fan of helping out the unfortunate. It's like what you guys did with the award.

Like, just getting around to people, getting excited and then fucking off on me. Shannon O was cool. I was trying to think. I did... No, I bombed. I was trying to think. I thought I was trying to go through my list.

Did you see Ding Dong? She was on my flight. Did you talk to any of the other nominees that you beat in that category? So Matty J, the Bachelor, was sitting next to me with his wife. Oh yeah, he looked pissed off. It was so awkward walking back to the table with this award and placing it next to him.

But he was really sweet. He seemed like a nice enough guy. Yeah, until you beat him. And then I sat in the table behind you taking photos of him and zooming them in and then sending them to Georgia Love who dumped him on The Bachelor. Oh, yes. So she interviewed me. She interviewed me on the press conference and she goes,

by the way, I was really hoping that you would beat Matty. So thank you. You've got to practice your losing face. You've got to be ready. I do. My second favourite moment of the night after you winning was the look on Hughes' face

when the camera cut to him when he didn't win his category was one of the best things I've ever seen. Just not hiding it at all. But he also did the slow clap.

He was like Use the microphone you idiot. He was just like He was so fucking pissed off. I like that. I want people to be more honest.

I want to be nominated to lose so I can really just go to town. Me and Ranger Stacey flip the table. Do they do that? Do they have all five faces and then you see the loser's face? No, they didn't do that this year. Which makes it even weirder that they just like, after have you been paying attention once,

someone in the control room is like, cut to Hughsy right now. For no apparent reason, cut to the guy who didn't win it I I was really excited cuz I'm a super fan of the Hawthorne AFL team and Josh Gibson was on my table and he shook my hand as I went to get an award and also Fiona told me he has a massive dick so that's Fiona know that yeah she was she was in the jungle oh wow we've got really was in the jungle with him. Oh wow, it got really lonely in the jungle for Josh. She thought it was a vacuum cleaner cord and wrapped it around her neck. Why did I listen to Adam Knox?

I should have done that game. Oh, man. You should definitely have done that game. God, it's a shame this is still in the sealed section because it's been some good stuff here. Here's my shoes. I forgot that because I was flying from Sri Lanka straight onto a road show, you know. And we've done a roadshow now.

You can't say that anymore. That's true, that's true. That was better than fucking the other one. So I then realised for the shoes that I have for normally is brown shoes, but I was wearing a black tux,

which was going to be at the logo. I forgot I don't have black shoes. Who are you wearing? What was the brand? Well, I'll get to that. Oh. And I... Because I need you for that i know

best okay because you normally always love to make fun of the suit jackets that way on stage every time you walk past you go oh nice terrible jacket i thought it was quiet enough yeah deal everyone's doing that he's just the only one doing it loud and you it's not tarot cash it's target and i um but my, I had to buy from Sri Lanka, the black shoes, this brand new pair. And before I accepted my award, the lace kept coming out and I really tightened it and the lace snapped. So I actually went on stage with laces undone.

Oh my God. Real fucking loser. But this is what I want to ask you. Sounds like a party at Carl's place. This is what I want to ask you. At the start of the night, when we saw each other, you said hello and gave me a hug. Yes.

Hello very much. Hello very much. Genuinely answer this question, please. Did I smell? No, you didn't. Okay, because the suit jacket, when I took it... I would have told you. Yeah, right, okay.

The suit jacket, I took it out of the dry... The people who gave me the jacket had taken it from Melbourne to Gold Coast and when I picked it up it fucking stank of BO so someone has worn it between when me hiring it

and the whole night I was so paranoid Ben's putting his hand up nah man you won't fit into my jacket you fat fuck man deal feels good doesn't it? Oh, fuck the dark side.

It's so much better than the light. Irony. Yeah, Mildura must have been nice though anyway. But it smelled so badly. And the shirt that I had, the button, the top button, this guy has done such a shoddy job. It was stuck on with sticky tape i don't know what happened so i accepted the award with sticky tape for buttons

the network really thought you were going to win yeah even the network silence i'll just tape it it doesn't matter so i don't even know what brand i was wearing anything they just gave me a suit jacket clearly from there they should have they should have just given you shorts so they didn't think you were going to hop up. I wish I'd known all this as I was watching you on TV. That's so much funnier.

You're accepting an award. Your shoelaces are untied. There's a bit of sticky tape holding your button on. You fucking stink. You're about to use Adam Knox's material. Truly the undone

shoelaces of comedy. What was worse the stink off the suit or the material? Oh, man. But here's the thing. It's been so fucking cool. What has? Just winning and everything.

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Friend of the show, Nick Cody, said it was probably the first time in comedy where we felt there was no cynicism for a while, for a brief moment, because everyone's been really sweet, including Carl, believe it or not.

But what my favorite thing... Yes! Aw, shucks! We'll get back to shit. Norma's programming shortly, eventually. But this is the thing I want to read out, because I know how powerful the Dum Dum Arm is, right? So a bunch of people before the show as well said,

hey, good luck, all the best, or whatever. But a new friend of the show, Nick Carr, sent me this message saying, and I want you guys to hold him accountable to this that's why i'm bringing it up he goes hey man i'm doing palm beach tomorrow which is a gig in gold coast if you win i'll streak down the gold coast highway for as long as i can run so what i'm saying is fucking let's get nick car nude so when's he gonna do that well i said no he said, no, he's now got to do it. And I'm thinking maybe we do a live show in Gold Coast.

Having Nick Carr. Is there any webcams on the Gold Coast that we can watch him on? He's flying over to Gold Coast just to see Nick Carr's logi. His ginger logi. Now, look. Tony Martin did the speech, did the announcement of you, the introduction of you going to the stage,

gave us the shout out, said he's been seen on, have you been paying attention, and you've been heard on... Cram. Little Dungeon Club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, don't say that word in here.

People go berserk. Oh, you're sounding a bit of Adam Noxkeer nice what a callback I made it funnier maybe he didn't laugh because no one knew what cram was

yeah no but it's not that was actually a bit weird because you get up and shit on the show you just won an award for it everyone goes I didn't shit on the show

I shit on people who made fun of the show even though it was me shitting on the show oh I take it back so Tony Martin did that thing mentioned us in it and then said as heard on Little Dungeon Club fun of the show even though it was me shitting on the show oh i take it back um so tony martin did that thing mentioned us in it and then said as heard on little dunlop club uh i was supposed to not say that so i messaged him to say oh man on the night we were so excited about everything

that you know martin i know martin yeah everything is tony so i messaged him i messaged him and said man thanks so much for that and that's man it's so exciting and all that sort of stuff and he said no worries

I've been looking forward to saying it all day voting only closed at 7 o'clock did he just decide you won wow

now here's the thing so after well me and Gojo Wow. Wow. Now, here's the thing. So after... Here you go, Joel. Ben just handed the logo to Joel. No, Joel, you need to be nominated first. Take that back. You know the saying, six times the charm? We've created a monster.

Can't wait to come on cram. No, here's the thing. To be fair, they named it after his old dietary routine. I love the idea of you tripping over your untied shoelace on the way up and then immediately shitting on cram as soon as you get to the mic. That would have been so great. I know it wasn't rigged by Tony because after we went backstage, Bert gave me the envelope with my name on it

and then he took me to his dressing room and gave me some information. Did he say, I like the boy? What a moon-faced old poof. I like the boy. That deserved more if people heard it. Very good. How did you get your Logie back? Did you take a carry-on or did you pack it in your suitcase?

You sounded so angry when you asked. Get your Logie back. I just want to wrap this shit up. I took it carry-on. No, sorry. I put it in... I packed it away. Because I think it's quite heavy. It's quite, sorry. I put it in. I packed it away. Because I think it's quite heavy.

It's quite a weapon. I mean, you wouldn't know. But it's really heavy. It's a really heavy job. My house is my lucky deal. We try. Yeah. What's a house?

Coming from a gay... I sometimes come out and hang out the front and I send someone down to the front. It's what you used to weigh the same as. It's the music your customers listen to. That was very funny. I'm glad you underlined it. I've come full circle. I've come full circle.

We tried to get friend of the show, Hamish Blake, to come and do this show. He sent his apologies. He couldn't make it, but he did send me something. He said, in my absence, I'll send you this photo that I took of Dil's Logie right before I stole it to teach him a lesson.

Now, that is you holding court with your Logie just abandoned on the couch next to, behind you as you're talking to someone. So you've had this thing for half an hour and you're already just leaving it lying around. I was trying to pick up one of the dancers. Really?

You got a Logie and you thought, fuck, this is the night of the dancer. Fuck! What happened? Sorry, you just smashed my knee with that fucking logie It's a real power move Know your place That's the closest

Lomas has ever come to success Is this the sort of content I can expect In your podcast? To be fair to earn this logie I had to get on my knees a lot I did just drop To be fair, to earn this Logie, I had to get on my knees a lot. No, no, yeah, I did just drop. It's quite heavy, so I left it,

and I didn't think anyone was going to steal it. And then, sure enough, like two minutes later, it was missing. And I went looking for it for a good five minutes until I realised Hamish had hidden it. And he goes, that's the first lesson, you never lose it. What's the second lesson? Never go into a dressing room with Graham Kennedy. Okay. All right.

This is going to be like the telecast. We're going to have to edit all of this out. No! Okay, people don't know. Have we talked about what actually happened? So he made a joke about Graham Kennedy mentoring people or whatever and it was inappropriate and so they cut it out.

But fuck it, let's bring it back. That's good gear. Especially when we're leading up to Mr Universe that you're doing. This podcast is we don't talk about any bad stuff like that, alright? I mean, I don't know if you heard our latest Patreon

but it was pretty clean. What sort of stuff do you talk about? I mean, I listen all the time. So yeah, I mean, I listen all the time. So, yeah, I mean, I guess now it's out there, it's a thing, heading into next year's Logies. We've got the Midas touch. We are the tastemakers of the entertainment industry. Everything we touch turns to gold except ourselves.

Yeah. Selfless. Selfless. With selfless. Thank you. Yeah. Although that indicates that we don't touch ourselves Craig Rookcastle has something else to say about that

Yeah we gotta start selling We gotta start selling spots on this show For people to come on If they want the If they want the dum-dum nod Yeah I spoke to Dania before the The Golology went

Who? You know Dania I know Dania but he was saying congratulations is he in here as well? he's holding him right now

but yeah he was like well done we're talking about how ridiculous he deserved one I was like man you know

like you said about him winning I'm like the Dundamami they're fucking powerful so I reckon well done to you guys what did he say? he said

who are you? I'll have a sparkling water, please. Thanks. He thought I was the help. He said, I host Family Feud, not Family-Sized Portion of Food. Service is not bad. Thank you. Thank you.

How much do you weigh right now? 95. 95? Fuck you, Karen. It's almost like you're not happy for me. No, I am. We're both still under 100 kilos. You just took $1,000 off me

and I'm trying to come up with a new bet. So I can get $1,000 back. Give him the Logie. He'll just smoke it. No, I'm happy to take it. Nah, it's got my name on it. Where are you going to put it? I'm assuming you live in a one-room apartment.

No, he's going to put it in his cab. What do you think? I was going to say house or your office. I don't know if he's got an office. Chris Lee, ladies and gentlemen. Now, this is the second award I've ever won in comedy. The first one is comedy at Spleen, the open mic gig you run. Oh, yeah.

That's my first comedy award. Is that still running? Yes. Oh, okay. Hey. Hey. It's attitude like this is why people don't vote for you Joel I'm trying to change your brand

Oh now I Alright okay Be nice to them No be nice to them That's why I'm fucking here So they can win me a login next year That's why I'm here On a Wednesday night deal

Okay okay But yeah who Who should you push for next Well just before I forget To bring this up Of course you know we massively do appreciate you plugging the pot in the speech and getting the catchphrase in there.

It's so awesome. But that being said, we got an insider tip from a friend of a friend who was there in the room that you, during your speech, you got the wrap it up signal. I have no idea if I did. I must have. You're only meant to do 40 seconds and i

went for like a minute and a half so i was like i'm not going to be back here so i need to make the most of this once once someone starts busting out hello very much everything is ripped i just put a sign this guy this guy english is not his first second or third language so i got the tram here and uh what do you guys do for a living oh you're on a current affair okay the wrap-up signal is up the very back of the room which is where i was sitting you were getting sunburned joel was the one who pushed the button right now but where did it where did it come up as soon as he did the cram joke he was like hit the button yeah no i think i decided to ignore it

because i was like i'm not going to be i think i decided to ignore it because i was like i'm not going to be back so i need to make the most of this you gotta get some references out it's important i've got to report yeah they put it on very quick it seemed like it came on immediately for everyone yeah yeah especially like i think with me they thought it was a mistake as well like who's this fucking guy walking up but uh no i saw i did see it and i just went oh i need to thank mom and dad because i've fucking wasted time talking to you guys. Yeah, thank you comedy mum and dad. It's like the real mum and dad.

I heard you guys talk about that, the comedy mum and dad, and I think that's appropriate, you know? One who abuses me and one who lovingly feeds me. Oh, the traditional mum and dad. The nuclear family. Do you think the role of a dad is to abuse their child? I don't know.

How do you guys do it in Australia? Well, you mentioned people watching the show not necessarily knowing who you are. You're very well known in this world, but perhaps to the wider audience of the Logies you may have been a bit of a surprise up there. Even people who watch Cram didn't know you.

Yeah and nowhere was that more apparent than on the TV week Logies Facebook page. Oh no don't! Don't do this! You know how hard I'm a wider content. No it's actually nice because there's a lot of just like people being cunts but then a lot of our guys getting in there to defend you. I don't want to know! Alright too bad. You've got a fucking Logie cunt. Let me have this. It doesn't fit in my

ear, though. Who is this guy? No one cares. And then Megan, who listens to this show, he's a Logie winner. And then someone else underneath, this is Hughes. This girl girl Kim, never fucking heard of him. And then someone

called Simone, yeah because the whole world revolves around you and your knowledge of Australian TV personalities. And then Kim replies, no need to be a fucking smartass. Sansa or Tiff. But shout out the people who are defending me. Give them a shout out.

Welcome to internet on the radio, by the way. That was Simone McDonald who defended you. Thanks, Simone. And then Lisa says, no disrespect because he must have got the votes, but I've never heard of this show or actor. And then Emma Murphy replies, don worry everything is Rick I just remember when you said they haven't heard of this show I'm so bottom of the barrel that you know on the when you see if there's like name tag name cards or whatever and you see they misspelled my name and they spelled cram with a K someone's a big

Motörhead fan or whatever great yeah well I guess is there anything else to go into there was one thing

I wanted to say you were mentioning the previous winners of the you've avoided a few important ones have I yeah well mainly

2005 winner of the same award that's in my hand is Chris Hemsworth. Oh! I could be the next Thor! I've already decided to call it Thor Ragnarok. I think all you've done is thaw out a few roast chooks. Yes!

Oh man. Chris Hemsworth, really? I didn't even see that one. Yeah, yeah, 2005. Fuck, you wouldn't have beaten him. Bring it on. Dum Dum says we can. Yeah. Dum Dum can take on Marvel to the point that Eddie Hare's going to be named Dum Dum Stadium

soon. Oh god that would be so amazing. I don't think there's anything we can't do now. The fan base is like this. Hey, hey, hey. Let's take everything. What do you mean we? Yeah.

Yeah, when do mummy and daddy get their little cut of that thing? Alright. Shave a couple of centimetres off the top for us. You know the rules. Unzip. Get us on cram. Coming soon. No, it's not even on template.

All right, we better wrap it up. Big round of applause. Joel Creasy. This has truly been a highlight. Joel Creasy, hashtag Joel 2019. Yeah let's make it happen. Go for gold. And congratulations Joel, I'm glad you beat those four other fuckers. So I'm very happy for you. Thank you very much. Ben Lomas, give it up everyone. I'll be selling weed out the front. Fingers crossed he gets the warm-up gig in 2019. Oh, fingers crossed.

And the reigning champ of Best New Talent at the Logies, Dilruch Jaisi. Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much for voting. And thank you, Tommy and Carl, for starting this whole cafe. Thank you very much. Don't thank me. I voted for Sam Frost. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening at home. Thanks, I voted for Sam Frost. All right, guys.

Thank you so much for listening at home. Thanks, everyone, for coming down. And we'll see you next time. See you, man. Hello very much. Everything is great. Everything is great. Everything is great.

Everything is great. Thanks, buddy. Blow me down. They've absolutely done it again. What a track record they've got. 110% of the time, they do it. So that's good to know. We can afford to drop off by 10% and we'll still be perfect. That's where you want to work that bit harder to get to 110%.

I can only see us going up To be honest Right I'd like to crack 6900% Only then will I be satisfied If there was 6900% I think I'd be cracking something else If you know what I mean

Yeah My dick Good ep Ah yeah Fun night Fun party Fun little What a positive vibe in the room

And yeah There was about three hours afterwards Where Dil was just demanding people to take pictures with his Logie. Standing around for photo opportunities. The cleaners got sucked into it. The phrase holding court gets thrown around a bit. But boy, oh boy. He was holding food court.

Fuck it, I'm still doing the fat jokes. I don't care. I can't let him go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm into it. We got to just, yeah, we've got to just – It's not like he's skin and bone. Yes.

He's still got meat on him. Like I like to think that if we met him now at this weight that he is now, we would make fat jokes. Okay. Yeah. All right. I'm into it. Because he's fatter than us.

Yes. That's got to be the rule. Yes. Okay. As long as you're fatter than us. Which is motivation for us to keep in good shape. But yeah, a great evening. We put this on sale with, God, like 48 hours notice or something.

We threw the cunt signal into the air and people came a-flocking. We said, after Costa Mu, we said we wouldn't do a live one for a long time until tomorrow. Yeah, we tried to get out and the content kept pulling us back in. And it was well worth doing it. Did we mention it in there? We did mention it, didn't we? It was supposed to be Tom Gleeson and then he wasn't. Shame.

Yeah. Real shame. You've done that a couple of times to us now. I've got to say, it's the worst feeling. This happens every now and then. People pull out with not too much notice. The worst feeling in like half an hour before when it happens, you just feel like what's the fucking point of doing this thing i don't want to do the show anymore this person

isn't going to be here they were going to be so good but then you go and you do the episode and it's great as this one was and it's like ah well you know it doesn't matter would have been good to have him there but it couldn't have gone much better than it did oh look and gleason's absolutely awesome on the live shows uh but yeah like you said, I got this thing in my head, I guess, and I reckon you're probably the same, where we think about booking guests and you always want to get someone new and different and maybe high profile and you want to please the audience out there, you want to please the listeners and you want to get this guy

and that guy and this girl and whoever. And then you get just your mates who are also comedians. Yeah. And you tend to have the best ones that way anyway. I agree. Yeah. You're more relaxed. You can say whatever you want.

You know, look, we've dealt with a lot of famous people and a lot of people we don't know and whatever. It's hard work. It's hard work but we're a lot better at it than we used to be, I think. Yes. But even then, it's still way easier to have people that you're closer to. Yeah. And then you can be a lot funnier with them.

So at the end of the day, if you ever see an episode where it's like just our friends rather than big names, well, you know what? You might not get a big name, but it's going to be a better episode, I think. I agree. Yeah. This was fun.

I enjoyed seeing Joel Creasy having cause to not be as high status as he usually is. Yeah. It was funny seeing him be pretty shitty for the whole thing. Yeah, it was a nice little performance for us. Yeah, I enjoyed that a lot. No, a lot of fun. Yeah, much fun, much fun.

We're going to have to do some live ones like that again one day. We are looking at it. We are – gee, I think we already teased this maybe last week or the week before. We are about to announce a very big, big show that we've just can't quite sign off on. It's like one of those big 90-page documents and you've got all those red arrow stickers where you've got to sign every one of them. There's a few of them we haven't signed off on yet. So we're ready to pull out this big live show.

We're about to pull out a bunch of live shows. The live show is going to be us just reading out that 90-page form in front of an audience for an hour. It costs $80 to get in. It should be good. We've done worse. We're about to do worse. But yeah, we're at the moment.

We're looking at – we've got that one big show, but we're also a bunch of shows as well coming up. Yeah, a bunch of little interstate shows. Hopefully soon. Hoping to fill in that calendar for the back end of the year. So, Keith, I know it's not much of an announcement, but just keep on the socials. Like when this episode comes out, it may be even the same time we get to announce one

or two of these things. So this is an announcement of a forthcoming announcement. Yes. This is to let you know that we are about to tell you things. There's a TBC to be confirmed. Yeah. So get on Facebook, get on Instagram, get on Twitter, all of that sort of stuff. And you'll find out very soon when we are coming to your town, as long as you don't

live in a shithole. Yep. Well, well you know what some of the places that we're going are shitholes so even if you do have we ever played a shithole we did maryborough well i think that was decided by the listeners that it wasn't a shithole that was that was my thing but uh they were all like oh this is really nice and i i got to see it with their eyes and i was like oh yeah it is too i just you know is too I just still had the lens of walking down the street with long hair and people yelling at me outside of Monaro's

I personally find Brisbane to be a bit of a shit hole I love Brisbane well let's do this thing let's get into it full disclosure we've got to get out of here we don't want to be here too long because we are going out to dinner with a certain Serbian eccentric millionaire tonight.

And it's, and we do this very semi-regularly, um, have these dinner dates with him and it's always a wild time. And so I think, I think we very much look forward to doing this. So we want to get out there. Yeah. We want to, we've got a limited time to get this done, uh, before we head out. He's, uh, he's leaving the country for a couple out there. Yeah. We've got a limited time to get this done before we head out. He's leaving the country for a couple of months. Yes.

He does the thing. He only likes one restaurant in Melbourne, so we always go there. And when we went to Samui, we've just come back from Samui, we thought we'd do the right thing. I found a restaurant with exactly the same name, so I thought this would be great. We'll bring him there. Not affiliated at all, but just the identical name.

Just the same name, But also a very nice restaurant Yeah So I was like Oh he only likes one restaurant Well we'll bring him to the one with the name And we get there And he just absolutely lambasted us The whole time

And it's a nice restaurant Like it's a fancy restaurant And he's just yelling at us and stuff He does this thing where he starts up He does this commonly Where he starts up a thing as if it's a bit But then he just like keeps doing it More and more and more and more

and more aggressively and will not let up and never softens and goes just kidding. And it's like, I actually don't think this is a bit. I'm just genuinely having an unpleasant time because I'm being fucking assaulted by this guy. He was just abusing us for us bringing him out to lunch. And we paid for it all. We paid for it, yeah.

And he's just yelling this the whole time saying this is the shittest restaurant of all time. Yeah. Anyway. I tried to pay you for it about. We paid for it, yeah. And he's just yelling this the whole time saying this is the shittest restaurant of all time. Yeah. Anyway. I tried to pay you for it about three times over because I was drunk when I did pay you and I forgot that I'd done it. Yes. You actually tried to pay me seven times and I took the first four.

So, yeah. So, I should be more angry about this than you. Totally. So, anyway, we're off to have that tonight. Yeah. So, that's going to be very, very, very nice. So, let's get stuck into what we, our duty,

our duty at the back end of this episode, the diamond in the crown, the jewel in the crown of Talking Dumb Dumb, which is the Patreon read, which is us thanking everyone for going through the middle management duties

of Patreon by slinging some coin to us through patreon.com slash little dumb dumbdum club, keeping the oil going in the engine of this podcast. Boy, they're loving it, aren't they? Getting their fucking greasy mitts on some of our quotation marks, hard-earned money.

Getting their little cut. You know what? Patreon should be a sponsor of us. I suppose not that many people are going to use it, though. But fuck, we say the name a lot. That's it I mean a lot of Most

Yeah a lot of podcasts That are on Patreon They're saying the word Patreon Maybe once an ep To go hey you can support The show on Patreon We've got a whole Fucking back end of the show

This show basically This is more about Patreon Than it is about anything else Yeah Maybe we should start calling Patreon something else Okay Just to you know

Stop giving them such a shout out Yeah like a code name Yeah Yeah okay Alright well Have a think about it Patreon something else. Okay. Just to, you know, stop giving them such a shout out. Yeah, like a code name. Yeah. Yeah, okay. All right. We'll have a think about it. Patreon, what else could we call that? Let's put this out to the listeners.

Yeah. Let's put it to a vote and we'll pick our favourite. All right. All right. Yeah, maybe we just rebadge it. But then no new listeners will be able to see it because they won't know what the fuck we're talking about. You're right.

Fuck. Abandon that idea. What's this Jimmy Hoo-Ha they keep going on about? I've gone to JimmyHooHa.a.com slash little dum-dum club and there is nothing there. All right. Let's get stuck in. As you know, if you're a first-time listener,

very quick recap, which is if you give us money via that address, what happens is it makes us feel warm inside. It makes our wallet bulge like our pants. And, you know, very selfishly on your behalf, you get some bonus material out of it, which is like a magazine that we put too much work into every month where you get a bonus episode, which you guys love the most because you want your sweet, sweet content.

And on top of that, you join a long line, like a line to the female toilet in a pub on a Friday night. Nice. You're on the long line and you're waiting for your little name to come up and here it comes. It's all over it. Yep. So you can squat down and…

Let rip. Yep. And while you're listening to other people letting rip beside you. Let's go. So we've got to be out of here pretty quick. Yep. So normally we do like – If you're first time listening.

10, 15, 20 of these. Sometimes we get into the triple figures. Yeah. It's got to be at least half of that. We're going to have to cut right down. Keep it. Half of a triple figure. Yeah.

So a one and a half figure. One and a half figure. Half of a triple figure. Yeah. So, a one and a half figure. No, wait. One and a half figure. Half of a... Half a figure. Half of... Half a triple figure. 50.

Half of... Half a double... Well, if you say half a double figure, say double figure is 10, right? Yeah. If you do half of that... That's the original double figure. Yeah. Half of that.

Yeah. Half of that. So, that's five. So, that's how much? That would be five. Okay. I don't have a... Look, it's unconventional. Okay. Half of that. Yeah. So that's five. So that's how much? That would be five. Okay. I don't know the... Look, it's unconventional. Okay. But... I'll go on your sums. I don't have a calculator in front of me.

Yeah. Well, it's pretty easy maths, but yeah. Okay. Half of ten is five. Okay. Alright. Well, we'll do half of... whatever you said. Here we go. Let's turn on the old unplanned title alternator for this week. Bing. I love the idea that this is someone's first time they're listening to it

and we spent five minutes describing what Patreon is and then we just glossed over the unplanned title alternator. Yeah. It's the only fair way to read out people's names and some people, you know, still message us going, well, why is my name not being read out? I've subscribed. Well, I'm going to subscribe tomorrow

and it still hasn't been read out. Well, I dare say in some parts of the world, the unplanned title alternator is more ubiquitous than Patreon. Right. So it's probably, you know, there's plenty of people being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it. Go into this Patreon thing again.

Again, it is now, thanks to us reading it out every week. Yeah, yeah. It's become like a, it's one of those things, it's like, you know, it's like Blu-Tack. It's one of those things that's no longer a object. It's just, you just know it by its those things. It's like, you know, it's like Blu-Tack. It's one of those things that's no longer an object.

It's just – you just know it by its brand name. It's like how people say that New York is like the fifth character in Sex and the City. It's like the unplanned title alternator is the third host of this show. Yeah. Except New York doesn't fucking root anyone. The unplanned title alternator, it definitely – it fucks, dude. New York never gets its tits out.

All right. Let's get – its tits out. All right. Let's get it. I've already hit the button once. Let's not waste this. What have we got? Thank you to Patreon subscriber Daniel Scarra. Scarra. Yeah.

Yeah. S-C-A-R-A-H. Scarra. Never come across that name before. It reminds me of there was a guy at my friend's high school who talked in this kind of like pretentious kind of like an old actor, like kind of like, you know, talk to everyone like this, you know, that kind of, hey, guys, you know, that kind of like a bit put on.

And they had this friend in their group and this guy, his name was, the guy's name was Eddie and this guy decided to give him the nickname Gary for no reason. Really? But would refer to him like this, go, oh, Garrah. Would just walk around the schoolyard going, Garrah, and like trying to get it to take on. It never caught on.

No one gave a fuck about it at all. But it was just like this fucking asshole. Like, yeah. His name was Eddie. Yeah, yeah. Fuck, I've never met an Eddie. Garrah. Oh, apart from Eddie Perfect.

Yeah. So you have met a Gary. The other thing about this guy that had the voice was he dated a friend of mine when we were in like I think like year 10 or so. Did you call it dated back then? No. Big Americanism. Going out with.

Yeah. Yeah. So he was seeing her and then one of her friends from school bumped into him and said, oh, how's such and such going? In that way, you know, when you're just asking someone about their partner, it's like, oh, how are they? And he goes, oh, fantastic. She's the best fuck i've ever had it's like dude dude you're 15 it's like ever yeah and the only other fuck you've had is probably your dad or something like

that would be good if that were true that would be great. Compared to when I got molested by my father when I was six. She's pretty good. But the other thing is… Dada was way better. Fuck, imagine if his dad's name had been Gary and he's put that onto his schoolyard friend. But this is at an age where… You know when you're that age, it's like people start dating in your group.

Everyone knows as soon as anyone in the group has done something sexually. And I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that like we all just knew that they hadn't been fucking. Oh, really? I think that there was like some other weird element to it as well. But in that same way, you would know exactly at that age who he has had sex with, his whole sexual history.

Yes. There's no mysterious. We weren't really friends with him. He just like met this girl that we were friends with. Oh, right, right, right. And started seeing her. So then he was at like the house parties that we would go to and we'd be like, oh, this fucking idiot.

Yeah, yeah. The other good thing was he used to be on a soccer team with my friend Pete, who's Greek. Shout out to Pete. He listens to this. And when he would pass the soccer ball to him on the soccer field, he would go It's a flocky! This guy's a fucking idiot.

I went to school with someone who started going out with a girl in like year seven or maybe even grade six and they're still together, I believe. Wow. That's fucking weird. I think that's bad. Yeah. I think that's bad for a person's development to be with someone from that age for that long. That sounds

like a fairy tale, but that must have created so many queries and whatever in each of their minds. Just severely inhibit you. I mean, how are you going to reach like 25 and like your friends who are single are kind

of out there kind of mixing it up, being like in your mid-20s and having fun and not be like, boy, I wonder. But then you often find when people break up who've been in those relationships when they're 30, they're just fucked. They're just emotionally fucked. They don't know what to do. Like they go out and pick up, try and pick up and it's like, oh, will you fuck me?

Like they just have no clue what they're doing. Or they don't even want to because they're like an animal that's been kept in a confined space. They don't even know how to move anymore. They're just like, oh, no, this is my life from now on. Nothing. I'll just sit in this corner. I was in a relationship from when I was 19 until I was like 22

and even that I was like, boy, I fucked this. Right. Even that I felt like, well, I've missed the boat here, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go on without me. I'll just go to a monastery. Anyway, thanks. Thanks, Scarra.

Scarra. Daniel Scarra. Scarra. Very Scarra-y. Scarra. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Andrew Connor For I don't know why

But I genuinely thought You were about to say Andrew Dice Clay No No Hickory dickory Daytreeon I don't believe

I've never You know We've got a mini list Of famous listeners I don't believe The Dice Man Is one of them The Dice Man

Yeah I gotta say I reckon the Dice Man Would be into this I reckon if we had The Dice Man is one of them The Dice Man Yeah I gotta say I reckon the Dice Man Would be into this I reckon if we had The Dice Man on the show He'd fit in like a fucking He'd get it instantly

Yeah Yeah look I think he'd Yeah he would Had to be a fair bit of editing Done on that ep I reckon I would imagine so He

I really liked that movie The Adventures of Ford Fairlane Did you Have you ever seen it I have seen it Not for a very long time. Right, me neither. Yeah, the aforementioned Pete, big fan of it.

He showed it to me on a VHS. Right, loved it at the time. I think I watched it going, what a great character. And then as the years roll by, you go, oh, this is a bit sad. You know how people are in love with reboots at the moment and all that sort of stuff? Reboot Ford Fairlane. And sequels, like sequels of cult movies where they go,

oh, you know, did Anchorman start it all? And now everything, like even TV shows, they really started rebooting and sequels and whatever. If they did a Ford Fairlane 2, God, it would be sad. I think it would be really bad. It could be if it was like, you know, self-aware enough. Yeah, it wouldn't be good. I can't remember it all though.

But you know what's actually pretty good is there's a, like Dice has a show. Yes. Like from the last couple of years. And it's not bad. Yeah. I watched a couple of episodes. Oh, really?

Yeah. Because it's him as him and like the people making it kind of get it that he's like, he's playing himself as like a washed up fucking joke. Right. Which I think is off the back of like, you know, he's in a season of Entourage. Yes. Working on a show with Johnny Drama. Yep.

And I think that's kind of like. Yeah, working as a voice on a cartoon. I think that kind of made a bunch of, you know, people circling around Dice go, we've got to get the Dice man back out there. Now that's on Netflix or something like that, isn't it? Entourage? No, the. Oh, the Dice show.

It's on Stan. Right. Can we say this what we were talking about today i didn't know this that you had your your netflix hacked yeah i so i signed up to netflix last night if i can keep it down out there i had to i signed up to netflix last night and i keep it down out there there's there's people you won't even be able to hear this someone just walked past daslo's apartment he's only lived here for about a day and he's become the grumpy old man next door already. I just recorded another podcast in here and I'm just wondering how long it is before I

get a fucking rude email from the building manager going, what are these extremely loud conversations you have in your apartment at fucking 8pm every night? You've also got your drum kit set up. So I think you're going to have worse complaints than that. Yeah, there was, yeah, there were a few heads turned when I came cruising out of the car park holding this bad boy in my arms. The drum kit? The drum kit, yeah. Yeah, because it's very much like a sort of, how do you describe that?

It's like a pseudo-echo sort of weird 80s drum kit. It's an electric drum kit. Yes, well, that's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Pseudo-echo. Well, that's not I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Pseudo echo. Well, that's not like- You're more familiar with pseudo echo than you are with the concept of electricity.

Yes. Well, that's not- Ringo Starr never fucking played that thing. Put it that way. He would have if they'd existed back then, I reckon. Do modern bands play these electric drum kits, though? You would never- No, you would never play them live at a gig. They're purely for like- If you live in the inner city, you can't have a fucking proper drum kit in an apartment.

Right. So you've got your big proper drum kit out in your country resort. Yeah, on my estate. Yeah, right. Nice. But so I signed up for Netflix last night and I had to use our joint email address in order to do so Because I kept trying to sign up using my personal email and it wouldn't let me. Yeah. Because about a year and a half ago, my account got hacked.

My Netflix account got hacked. And I can't remember what tipped me off. I think I got a notification. You know you get a notification email that your password has changed? So I got that and it was like, if this wasn't you, click has changed? So I got that and it was like, if this wasn't you click here. And so I did that and it was like, okay, problem crisis averted. And then

like 10 minutes later I get another email hey, anyway, as requested, we're changing your password. So I keep doing that and I'm like, what the fuck? So I log into my account and I'm pretty sure I could see what these people were watching right and it was also I think it was emailing me saying like oh this is from this part of the world

this is weird it was in France or somewhere oh wow and it was and they were like watching cartoons and shit great my account but how you know that's all you watch so exactly yeah yeah it's like oh that's I've already seen that I don't remember watching this episode of Adventure Time twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so yeah, I ended up having to – what did I do? I ended up cancelling my account because I just couldn't – I just kept – I changed the password but they still hadn't been logged out. They hadn't been kicked out. Right.

So they would just change it again. So then I was like, I think I just have to like kick everyone out of my account and then cancel my account. Kick everyone out of your account. They kept getting back in. This was me sitting there for like three hours. And I also was like I don't really know what they can do. I mean it's linked to my credit card to pay for it but I was like this seems

like a way where I can get more fucked over by them being in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're watching your Australian Netflix account in France? Yeah. Can you do that? Yeah. That's yeah. But they're watching your Australian Netflix account in France? Yeah. Can you do that? Yeah. That's interesting. They must have had to get a VPN.

Yeah. That's a weird – To watch stingers on someone else's dime. What a weird thing for a bunch of people over there going, oh, sacre bleu, this episode of Country Practice got me on the edge of my la cite. Yeah, maybe – la cite. yeah i um yeah i had to just like disable the account and then like yeah they kept reactivating my account and i was like this

is the most fucking bizarre game of cat and mouse to be in where like i said i don't even know what the stakes are here i don't even know that show should be on netflix cat and mouse no no no what is happening here oh yeah the fuck is happening here? This is like the worst episode of Black Mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. Just people watching something fraudulently on a guy's Netflix account. Yeah, yeah.

And so anyway, the end of the world. It's like someone using your library card, really. Yes, yes. But still bringing everything back. I kind of always seem to just be like, okay, I guess I'll just leave. I mean, go on and they can just watch fucking my Netflix. But I was like, I know there's a way I'll get fucked over. It's a bit annoying.

Like it's like coming back to your house and you know things are in the wrong place. And it's like nothing's missing but this is weird. Well, I have had this – I have had a similar experience before because my ex years ago – Snuck into your house and lived there. Kind of. We shared a Netflix account. Like, yeah, so she still had the login yeah that's right our netflix account that i was paying for was logged in on her computer on her laptop

and we broke up and she moved out and i could still see you know because it shows up recently watched oh and so i was just getting in a into what she was watching. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's not good. Yeah. And she was using your account. I think so.

Yeah, maybe it was an account that we split or something. And did you change your password? Is that what happened in the end? I think that's what happened, yeah. Maybe that was her just trying to get back in. Yeah. She did do a lot of babysitting, so maybe that's just cartoon. She was watching these kids just move to France

Become a fucking au pair or whatever it is She'll be back in your Netflix account But yeah, anyway The end of that was me having to contact Netflix And going, just look Lock me out of the account, ban this email address No matter how much I beg No matter how much I try to get back in

Under absolutely no circumstances Let me back in As it turns out, a pretty short-sighted solution to that problem I beg no matter how much I try to get back in under absolutely no circumstances. Let me back in. As it turns out, a pretty short-sighted solution to that problem. Yeah. Because I was trying to sign up last night and it was like, no, no, no. No, you can't use that. There's someone in France using it. Yeah.

It was like fucking Newman when he's trying to hack the computer in Jurassic Park. Thanks, Andrew. Thanks, Andrew. Thanks, Andrew Connor. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Well, blow me down. Uh-oh. There is someone I know I'm about to read out.

Really? Interesting. Speaking of you doing a bit of school stories, thank you to Patreon subscriber, my best friend in primary school, Peter Field. Ah, Fieldsy. I love that Fieldsy. Yes.

Yes. Who listens to the show. I was going to say my best friend in school, right hand. In high school. I mean, in primary school. Oh, really? You could have been an early bloomer. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Fair enough. That wouldn't surprise me at all if you told me you were like a kid who started like jacking off at the age of eight. No, I was a late bloomer if anything. Really? If anything. Yeah. Yeah, I was a late bloomer if anything. Really? If anything. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, Peterfield, which it took me a long time until very, very recently to realise that that is a very funny name to have that sounds like something else. Oh, hell yeah. Peterfield. I only just realised that then. Yeah. So wait, you said friend from primary school and you're friends with him now.

Yes. So what, you weren't friends in high school? No, my best friend in primary school and you're friends with him now. Yes. So what, you weren't friends in high school? No, my best friend in primary school. Oh, okay. And then someone else came in and took the mantle. Well, you know, you move to a different school and you get put in different classes and all that sort of stuff. So, you know, you can't.

You know, once you get stuck in someone else's class, you don't see him as much. You can't. Did you have that thing where you would get asked at the end of a year? And also because he's a dirty Peterfield. And when we got to high school, he just kept wanting to go back to primary school. Yeah, yeah. He was trying to somehow like grow older than you just so he could get

a taste of the goods. Did you ever have that thing at your school where they would at the end of each year, they would get you to like write down who you wanted to be in a class with next year? I think vaguely. We would have done that once or twice I think. We would get that and it seems like now of course it's

a trap. It's just like okay well don't put these two together because they're just going to fuck around the whole time. Well I think old Fieldsy I think he Get me away from this guy. I would try and stay – Always jacking off in front of him.

I would try and sit next to him. And I think the rare times that it actually happened, we got immediately separated because I'd just be talking shit and whatever. So, yeah, Peter Field. Yeah, a great mate. Peter Field lives in Ballarat now. Yep. Nice guy.

Yes. I've enjoyed my times that I've been around this man. Nice of him to contribute. Is he a recent subscriber? No. Oh, yeah. I think looking at the records, reasonably. Long-time listener, though.

Okay. Peter Field had a – of keep you're deliberately saying it now you're deliberately kind of putting a little more sauce i'm so disappointed though like this is a thing that got brought up uh not that long ago where uh i just said his name and and all comedians around me went just laughed and went what the fuck did you say and i was like i cannot believe i went all through high school with a bunch of mates who are massive smartasses. Yeah. And none of us figured that one out.

I've known him for a few years. Like I met him early on of doing this because he's listened for a while. Yeah. And I never put it together. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't actually asked him. Even though he touched a kid in front of me, I still never made the leap.

Really? Yeah. And you never, you just, what did you think was happening? Well, I was on it. Oh, right. He must really trust me to let me bear witness to such an event. Really? Yeah. And you never, you just, what did you think was happening? Well, I was on it. I was like, you must really trust me to let me bear witness to such an event. Oh, right. Nice. Yeah.

I've got to ask him personally, did he cop it for the first time after high school? Yeah. And then think, what the fuck were those guys? They were sleeping on this one. What if he never has? What if this is the first time? Oh, wow. This is how you find out.

40 years of age. Yeah, 40 years old and being bullied about if this is the first time? Oh, wow. This is how you find out. 40 years of age. Yeah, 40 years old and being bullied about your name for the first time. Surely you'd be thinking, I'm in the clear here. I'm in the clear. Well, not a great time to start with it as well when you hit 40. Big time. Because then it's actually sort of applicable. If you're getting hit with it at 15, 16, it's like, ah, it's just a name.

It's just a word. It doesn't apply to me. Oh, at 40? Uh-oh. Fuck. No wonder he didn't come to the Coast of Millie Podcast Festival with us. We had a kid. Fuck, imagine trying to get into Thailand with your name being filled. Fuck.

You're not even trying, buddy. We did have – you're saying like 15, 16. This is so bleak. But we had a guy who got kicked out of our school in year 11 for having kiddie porn on his computer. Whoa. Yeah. What?

Say that again. He got kicked out of school at age what? So year 11, so like 17. Jesus Christ. 16, 17. Yeah. That's just lazy. But how's this?

I must have told this on the show before. The way that it happened was he was up in front of the class giving a presentation in geography and using his laptop and his laptop had just been dormant for long enough where the screensaver came up. What? It was like photos of naked young girls. Screensaver?

Yeah. Isn't that fucked? That's like a movie with a serial killer where it's like this guy wants to be caught. Totally. That's so dumb. It's crazy, isn't it? It's crazy to be into like pedophilic stuff when you yourself are underage.

Totally. That's what I mean. That's wild. I don't even know what that is. It's lazy. It's short-sighted. what that is. It's lazy. It's short-sighted. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy.

It like – and having a screensaver on and having your screensaver set to like – you know, this is like a class presentation where they've got to get through the whole class. So surely your presentation times are limited to five minutes. Yeah. Who's setting their fucking dormant screensaver time at such a low threshold? But like – so say he's using his – These guys are real fieldsy if you know what I'm saying. fucking dormant screensaver time at such a low threshold. So you say he's using his – This guy's a real fieldsy, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

To put that stuff as a screensaver, I just don't see the end game there. It's crazy. That's so dumb. It really is insane. It's the worst thing that guy's ever done. It's worse than the actual crime itself. Just the stupidity. The stupidity of putting it on there.

That was the story that went around. Maybe it wasn't it, but he did get kicked out for that stuff coming up on his screen while he was giving a presentation. Right. So, you know, you go to – it was the first period – it was the last period before lunch. So we – like I'm in the quad and like my friend comes running up to me and goes, holy fuck, like I just saw this just happened in geography.

And, you know, and me and my mate are kind of like, yeah, okay. Like kind of – because this guy was a bit of a like, you know, loved his story. We're like, I bet this didn't happen. And then more and more – you see more and more people coming from the direction of that classroom and they're just fucking shell-shocked and it's like, okay. Wow.

And then we see this guy, you know, being sheepishly led, like he's on death row into the principal's office, which, yeah, fuck, what a chat to have to have. Well, Peter was, he was in the same year level as the rest of us. I don't know if I've mentioned this on the show, but in high school I was friends with a bunch of people who ended up being in a band. The Wiggles.

Peter Field used to hang around them a lot and their live shows. Take me with you, boys. No. Don't wake up, Jeff. Just don't mind me. It doesn't make sense um big red van yeah no so fieldy fieldy was uh played instruments i think he played bass and so he played bass in a band that was a predecessor to the avalanches if i haven't mentioned that no um uh they played in a battle of the bands that I've talked about

on this show before but anyway it was a couple of guys from Avalanches and him and a couple of other guys and my cousin as well

so he played I think he played bass I think Peter Field played bass in a band called oh fuck what was it called oh wow

what a run up and you can't even remember the first line no because there was two of them one of the names was Vernon's Used Fish, but then I think that changed into – oh, it did.

It changed into a band called Roger Roger I Have No Fingers. Great. Yeah, so he was bass player for Roger Roger I Have No Fingers, I believe. Great. Talking about Pete a lot in this ep, he was in a band called Chutney in the Morning that played – Your friend called Pete. Yeah.

Right. In a band called – yeah, Chutney in the Morning that played. Your friend called Pete? Yeah. Right. In a band called, yeah, Chutney in the Morning. Pete's last name, my friend Pete's last name is I Touch Kids. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pete I Touch Kids. I've only just put that together. Yeah, right.

It sounds like the action of a disgusting man. Pete sounds like the start of Peterfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, I get it. I get why that sounds dodgy now. Oh, that is weird. Thanks, Pete. Thanks, Pete. Thanks to all the Petes out there. That is weird. Thanks, Pete. Thanks, Pete.

Thanks to all the Petes out there that listen to us. Thanks, Fieldsy. Yep. Coming up next, number four. Thank you, too. Peter Harold Smith. Oh, wow. Does that sound like anything if you say it quick enough?

Peter Harold Smith. Peter Harold Smith. Peter Harold Smith. Harold Smith. He's a bit of a Peter Harold Smith. Peter Smith is a famous show business icon in this country is he Peter Smith

oh Pete Smith of course voiceover guy yeah right okay yeah not

that's a nicer thing to be associated with than what Fields is getting at the moment from us I mean I would say 95% of things

are nicer to be affiliated with than that what's 5% probably not a good road to go down. Fucking multiple kids. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Fuck, my screensaver.

You've got to ease up. Yeah. My screensaver just kicked on and I need to get that off the screen. I think we've got to put in place a six-month ban on the pedo talk on this show. It's been way too much. It's getting out of control. I agree. It's getting out of control.

I agree. One more thing. Okay. Yes. So just to remind me. So my friend so it just reminded me so my friend peter field peter field my friend uh when we moved to melbourne and we're around all those sort of guys and whatever there was this guy we got introduced to who ended up marrying one of our friends i think yeah and and so i'm and they all knew him and they got to know him probably a couple of months before me and

i got introduced into the scene and And they told me his name. And no one said anything. And people were just saying his name the whole time. I'm like, when are we going to have this conversation about why his name is this? And his name was Peddo. And it's like, when are we going to talk about this? Great. But they're all used to it.

Yeah. They've all been through the – So I didn't know whether they'd had the talk before and gone, oh, this is a weird thing or this is funny to say this or whatever it was. The talk about the birds and the underaged bees. Yeah. Yeah, totally. The underdeveloped bees.

Don't even have a stinger yet. Well, thanks, Smitty. Yeah, thanks, Peter Harold Smith. I'm glad that you – do you think he's put that Harold in there Just to make sure That we didn't think he was Pete Smith the announcer I think Well I mean

That could be Pete Smith The announcer's middle name For all we know Oh wow So maybe it's The other way around Maybe it's him Trying to throw us off the scent

If that's really Pete Smith Who's Subscribing Then You know Now that we've said his name It's only right that he should Give us a shout out

At the end of An episode of Sales of the Century or something, I think. I would love to get him in here. Really? Yeah. I saw him the other day on the street and he was like helping his dad into a van. It's like, oh man, because Pete Smith's getting on.

I was going to say, his dad is alive? He's getting on, yeah. Jesus Christ. His dad, good on him, you know. But that's the thing. I was like, man, imagine like Pete Smith of an age now. Yep. Having a look after his dad.

It's like you're looking at Pete Smith going, someone should be looking after you, but you're looking after your old man. Jesus Christ. But yeah, they were in Chapel Street, so they were out and about. Out and about. Hell yeah. In the best looking street in Melbourne. It is.

A lot of attractive people on that street. Yeah, I mean, those two guys were attractive in their own way. That's what you're into? Hmm. Attractive voice at the very least. Big time. That's why I'd people on that screen. Yeah, I mean, those two guys were attractive in their own way. That's what you're into? Attractive voice, at the very least. Big time. That's why I'd be good on this. There you go. I feel like we're evening it up by going how attractive these very old people are.

Yes, yes. So, on average. Atoning for the crimes of the past. On average, this whole conversation's okay. Well, my screensaver is just the image from the Lemon Party website. Oh. And my dormant time is like three seconds. Oh. So it's like speed if I don't do anything on there. I've got

nothing but dinosaur dicks on mine. So yeah. It's fine. Officer, how can I possibly be a pedophile when I present to you video of me batting off over a fucking Jurassic Park? Where it's me with my pants around my ankles looking at a brontosaurus. I wasn't jerking off at the kids in the audience at the Wiggles concert.

I was batting off over Dorothy the dinosaur. Yeah, I was thinking of all the bones buried beneath them. All right, it's all out of our system. They're ancestors. It's all out of our system. It's all out of our system. So we're tapped out. We may as well get – we've got to get to dinner. Thank you. We've got to get to dinner. Thank you. We'll do one more. I'm just glad we got it all out of our system They're ancestors It's all out of our system It's all out of our system So we're tapped out We may as well get We gotta get to dinner

Thank you We'll do one more I'm just glad we got it all out Anyway One more Thank you One more Thank you to

Patreon subscriber Sexy Kid Comedy Right Right Right Now Is there an age On this person

I Yes 69 69 years old No 69 months Oh right So that's weird an age on this person? Yes, 69. 69 years old? No, 69 months. Oh, right. So that's weird.

That's like, what, that's like under six? That's, yeah, under five. Five years old. Five and a bit, yeah. So, yeah, they're listening early. Thank you. Good on them. Yep. Good on them.

And they self-proclaimed, well, they're parents. They've named them sexy kids. Yeah. That's a bit of an albatross around the neck, isn't it? Is it? I just thought it was Norwegian or something like that. Right, right. So I'm not sure.

Yeah. So the comedy family strikes again. Yeah. This might be the youngest contributing member of them. Oh, no, we've had baby comedy. Oh, baby comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had Little Miss Comedy.

Yeah. Yeah. But those could be ironic names. I don't think we ever clarified the Comedy Oh Baby Comedy Yeah yeah yeah We've had Little Miss Comedy Yeah But those could be ironic names I don't think we ever clarified the ages of them Yeah And look you know you could have that name and still be You know like Prince Prince wasn't a prince

Yeah exactly You can have that name and not be what that is Baby Comedy could be a fucking disgusting 20 year old Yeah Yeah Baby Comedy could be Pete Smith's dad Yeah Yeah you don't know

Well Great Good on you. Thanks. Good on you. Good on you, sexy kid comedy. Fuck, there's a bit of the huesy for a second. It's so enlightening doing this Patreon read because you run into names you've never heard before. Scara, I'd never heard that as a surname before.

Sexy kid, I'd never heard that as a first name before. I'd never heard about Peter Field being so close to pedophile. Yeah, never heard of a surname comedy. Yeah, you learn a lot doing this show. I'll tell you that much. We're heading out to dinner now. Our horizons are significantly broadened. And to all you people with interesting names,

as Tommy Deslow once said, good on you. Famously so. Guys, thanks for listeninglow once said, good on you. Famously said. Yeah. Guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting us on Patreon, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to upcoming shows, links to the Patreon, merchandise, past episodes, all that sort of stuff. Back next week with a new studio episode with a big guest who has not been on before. Yeah, first time guest.

Real great on it. First time guest. Yep. And also a returning guest who's a piece of shit who's always late every time we do one of these with him. Who could it be? Yes, yes. A lot of people to be fair.

Yeah, doesn't talk into the microphone. Fuck this guy. Also a lot of people. Yep. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next week. And as we say here at the end, see you. Good on you. See you, mates.

Good on you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional. You have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Yeah.