The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 409 - Nick Cody & Adam Rozenbachs

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

NICK CODY and ADAM ROZENBACHS join us in Tommy's new apartment that is still largely unfurnished. In between drinking out of a bowl like a cat, we hear about Rozie's recent disastrous gig at a birthday party and share our highlights of underage drinking. PLUS we explore some sponsorship opportunities with Thailand's number one drink!  Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:BRISBANE: We're heading back to do our 2018 stand-up shows back-to-back PLUS a huge live podcast! OCTOBER 21.MELBOURNE: We're doing a huge live episode PLUS a roast! OCTOBER 27.PERTH: We're heading back for our annual huge day of stand-up and podcasting! NOVEMBER 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with special guests Nick, Cody and Adam Rosenbarks. First of all though, we've got to let you know about some huge live shows that we have coming up. Brisbane, October the 21st. It's a Sunday afternoon. We are at the Triffid. We are doing our stand-up shows, back-to-back, and then a live podcast. It's a big three-hour show in a massive venue. It's going to be sick.

It's our biggest venue yet in Brisbane. So you guys always pack it out. Well, here's your challenge. Pack this motherfucker out. So get down. It's a beautiful venue. It's not – I don't believe I'm going to make a big call here, unlike other places we've been.

I don't think they've ever played any pornography on a big screen there. So it's a real classy place. Until now. And then the following weekend we are in Melbourne doing a massive show, our yearly big, big, big live show that we do in Melbourne. And our yearly big Adelaide show obviously as well. Yes, yes. It's live in Adelaide in Melbourne. It is October 27 at the Comics Lounge.

Again, a big room to fill. That is going to be heaps of fun. It is a Melbourne gig where we're doing a pop-up city. We're doing a pop-up Adelaide event in Melbourne for one night only. I feel like we should be confirming this every week. Just so you know, it's our live Adelaide show that we have moved so we can get better numbers to Melbourne. Basically, Melbourne have bought the rights to our Adelaide show.

And by buy the rights, I mean haven't. yeah we will get bigger numbers by doing it in melbourne it's a funny idea is it perhaps too confusing and means that no one will buy tickets because they don't know which city it's in no come down on october the 27th and find out tickets are selling we have already sold in the first in well under the first, we already sold more tickets than we sold to our last Adelaide show. Oh, really? Yeah. That's great. So that is going to be heaps of fun.

We also have just announced a big live show in Perth. We are coming back November the 18th at the Comedy Lounge in the Perth CBD. I like how you say we have just announced. No, we are announcing it now. Right. Yeah. No, you just announced to me that we're good to go for that date. Oh, okay.

Right. I have just announced it. Yep. So, yeah, that's going to be great. Our yearly trek over to Perth. Always an absolute highlight of the year on the Dum Dum calendar. The Perth audience has always come out in full force. The shows are always great.

We bring some friends over. We spend a couple of couple of days on the god damn west coast and yeah really looking forward to this one again more west coast

than west gate for once and also something we always look forward to doing a big day live podcast and stand up on the Sunday and then

being very drunk and then going oh fuck I think we're getting on a plane now and going home nice I've put a ban on that. I'm

never doing the red eye again. Wow. Finally, the last one broke me. I thought I was going to have a fucking heart attack on the plane. Great. So, Perth, path. Path, get out there. You know what to do. November 18 on the Sunday, just announced. So, get in. Stand Up Plus podcast. Great guests

being dragged along over to the other side of the continent for it. So make it worth their while, our while. Don't make us move next year's Perth show to Melbourne. So, yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to all of that stuff. We are going to be back at the end of this with another edition of Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this week's new episode with Nick Cody

and Adam Rosenbach. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. Oh, good idea. What are we doing here this evening? We are in the zone at the moment. We are banking these things left, right and centre. I think it's going to be a great episode because just one second before we started recording,

I looked at our two guests and went, what have you got? And I've never seen blanker faces in my life. So I think it should be a rip-roaring rollercoaster coming right up. The look of two men who thought we were just hanging out casually. Not that there were going to be microphones turned on at any point. This is our living, guys. You're here to support the incoming two men. Yeah, well, you fucking do the work, then.

Oh, that rules out. The work is wrangling YouTube, okay? Our jobs here are done. That response rules out Mr Bean as being one of our guests. But anyway, all right. Let's announce them. First of all, Nick Cody. Hello.

Hello. How's it going, boys? Oh, he started strong. I love it. Yeah. Nick Cody, I was just thinking, as I was just saying, have you got anything? I remembered a year ago at the first, if you cast your mind back to the first Coastal Movie International Podcast Festival as we flew you around the world and at first, we were about to do the first episode live and I had to drag you out of the pool. I'm like, we're going to do a podcast. You're like, all right. And I said, have you got anything in the bank, anything to say?

And you're like, oh, did we have to have something? I'm like, fuck. And now I brought the fucking heat. You did. You really did. I mean, yeah. I like that. Crunch time.

Yeah. Yeah. Also joining us. It's been a while since he's been on the show. It's Adam Rosenbach. Has been a while. Has been. I reckon show It's Adam Rosenbach It has been a while It has been very long I reckon about two years Yeah

So I'm not You are not great chat You must have really Fucked up somewhere I'm not rag fit I'm not ready to rag Oh right No I talked to you

Five minutes ago You were ready Talk us through The last two years Of your life in real time That should pack this thing out I can do that Every bathroom visit Every meal Just to highlight It's real There must have been Something happening I was That should pack this thing out. I can do that. Every bathroom visit, every meal.

Just to highlight it's real. There must have been something happening. I was on Twitter for a minute and then I got off that. Oh, yeah. Nice. Good chat. And then what else have I? Did you really quit Twitter?

No, fuck no. Yeah. You love it. I had a break. You're always like waiting for like someone to die and then seconds later you're in there with a fucking juicy take. You got the Google alert, just death. And then it's like, sharpen that pencil, Rosie.

I haven't done that for a while. I've backed off. I'm gun-shy now. I've matured. I respect death. Just take it easy. I love matured. It just means 900,000 Brazilians or whatever fucking wanted to kill you.

I love that's your form of maturity. You learned nothing. It was just... Well, no, it taught me a lot. Very quickly, what was that? You made a joke about a plane full of soccer players going down and then someone picked it up in South America and decided, Rosie, no good.

Someone picked it up in Australia and it went around the world. It was kind of... Yeah, you could follow it as people woke up to it. Right. As each time zone popped up. And it was a lot of fun. A lot of performers get people tweeting at them, come to Brazil, but not all of them are then saying,

so that we can fucking murder you. I was on The View, so that was pretty cool to be talked about by. Oh, who talked about it? Whoopi Goldberg's on there. Oh, hell yeah. I'm not sure who else. I didn't watch that episode. People were really keen to.

The one you missed. Yeah. People were really keen to fill me in. What have they got to do to get Rosie tuning in If it's not talk about him That's a very good point But yes Two years

Two years off the show What have you got? Two years You must be Absolutely bursting at the seams with stories Can I tell you about a shit gig that I did? Please We're not into that

We're only talking about good things on the show Okay Killed the other night boys A lot's changed here as well Yeah we've changed in two years Can I tell you about a shit gig that I did? Please. We're not into that. We're only talking about good things on the show. Killed the other night boys. A lot's changed here as well. Yeah, we've changed in two years. So I got offered, so this is on a Thursday night, I got offered, someone rings me up and goes, hey, we need to go on tomorrow night for a 70th birthday

just to perform at a 70th. Now I've never done. I don't know how this can go wrong. Yeah, was the shit gig the night after the 70th? I've never done a personal birthday party before. You were, Nick. Man, I did one. The Nelson twins made me do a birthday party for a 17-year-old boy.

And he's like back deck. Mate, that's not a party when it's just the Nelson twins and a 17-year-old boy. Man, it was real weird. But the mum was like, they love filthy stuff, say whatever you want. They had the Nelson twins last year. So they had the Nelson twins for the 16th wait for the 17th wait so their method of booking for the 17th is just to get on to the guys that they had last year yeah and go hey guess what he's another year older he wants comedy again yeah do you recommend anyone yeah that makes sense do your own fucking legwork how'd they get onto the nelson's who did his 15th that's what i want

to know that's a good question. Well, he was probably a teacher. Both the Nelsons are teachers, aren't they? That might have been it. What a fucking nerdy kid. You know what would kill at my birthday party? My teacher getting up and being funny in front of my friends. Well, because you can't – because it's a guy –

none of you slept with your male teachers, did you? No. No, not slept. Yeah. I rooted one, but I didn't. No love. Yeah. Did you have any teachers sleeping with students at your school?

Yeah. Had one. I think I had one end up marrying one. Really? Yeah. Oh, the dream. Yeah. What, living happily ever after?

It's the dream. How do you run that past everyone? How did you meet? Well, that's a funny story, though. Yeah. Year 10. Oh, yeah. Sex ed. I got you meet? Well, it's a funny story, though. Year 10. Sex ed. I got her up.

Shadow, what's what? I think there might have been a couple in Maribor, actually. There was a couple of them. Yeah, yeah, loved it. Yeah, there were a couple in my school. A PA teacher, of course, and an art teacher. Yeah, that'd be your two that you'd pick, surely. Really?

Art teacher? This girl was really nerdy, but so was the girl. So it was kind of like everyone was really surprised at her. Everyone was fine with it. Because the art teacher would be the classic one of going, but so was the girl. So it was kind of like everyone was... Everyone was fine with it. Because the art teacher would be the classic one of going, oh, I'll put your arm around your shoulder. You're so sensitive, I understand. You're so cubist.

Yeah, that's sexy. I think I've told this before, but me and my friend, like maybe six months after high school finished, we bumped into our old drama teacher and she was really drunk. By the way, I just need to comment on this. At Tommy's house, he's got no cutlery or fucking glassware or anything. He only moved in two weeks ago. Rosie just had a drink from a bucket, as you were telling that story.

A bowl. Having a drink from a big old bowl. I feel like I'm in the Orient. In the Orient. Or I'm drinking Carver in Fiji. I feel like you've just finished a really weak bowl of Wheaties or something. There's been no milk. Yeah, you're welcome for the soup that I prepared earlier.

Thank you. We were out at a bar. You just drank fucking Tommy's finger bowl. It's disgusting. That's what I ordered. We bumped into our old drama teacher and she was pretty drunk and she was trying it on with my friend. We'd both been in her class.

How old was she? I don't know. She would have been like 25 or something, I guess. But like my friend. And what were you guys, 16, 15? This is just after school finished. Oh, after school. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we were 18. But he was in a relationship at the time that was sort of on the rocks. And he was like, oh, man, I want to live the dream of being the, you know, the guy who sleeps with the teacher outside of school. He was like, you know, I don't want to do the wrong thing here. And then I think literally within the week his girlfriend is like, yeah, let's break up because I've been cheating on you. And he's like, oh, God damn it.

With the geography teacher? Yeah. Brutal stuff. Also the drama teacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was right there. Small school. So I got booked for this gig.

70th. 70th. And they're like, oh, can you come out? It's out near Broadford, which is like an hour and a bit out of Melbourne. And it's outside of Broadford. So it's like an hour and a half. So I'm driving up there. They wanted me there for 9.30 for like a 10 o'clock spot.

10 a.m. Yeah, yeah. It's got to be for a 70th. Yeah, the sweet 10 a.m. Sweet 10 o'clock slot. Nothing like a long drive Out to the gig by yourself Where you're like

Boy I hope this goes well Because there's going to be A lot of silence on the way It's me and my thoughts Very briefly This reminds me of you Nick Cody booking me For a birthday gig one time

Me and you went out And did a gig Out in Werribee or something Where it was like Oh this guy He just loves really dirty stuff So just come out And be as dirty as you can

You've got to be as rough as you can, as dirty as you can. And we get out there and, of course, it's the classic, no, he likes dirty stuff. No one else likes it. Everyone else is quite offended. As soon as you say that, you think you like dirty, but wait till you hear comedians talk and they're like, oh, Jesus, where did that come from?

You're a sick young man. He likes the bawdy emails that he gets. This is his one guy going, oh, I really like really dirty stuff. That's fine, but don't bring your fucking grandma and your two-year-old niece. She fucking loves it. They both love it. I feel like, though, that's a directive that you hear in your head

every time you get booked for every gig. It's just like they're just saying nothing and what you're hearing is just be as rough as, just find the oldest person in the crowd and call them a cunt. Yeah, go them. Go them for nothing. Ah, breathing now. How are you fucking?

That's more of a life rule than a comedy rule, to be fair. Sorry, Rosie. No, that's all right. 10 p.m. spot at a 70-year-old's birthday. What could go wrong? He's been asleep for three hours, surely. So I get to – they send me an email saying come to this address. So I rock up to this address and I ring one of them out the front and the girl's like oh yeah are the gates

open and it was a really weird question because they weren't gates that could be closed and i'm like yeah she's like i'll just come up the driveway i'm like all right tweak so massive properties there's no lights in the streets it's proper rural so i drive up there and i'm like fuck this is there's so many people here if there is a party here and so i'm waiting at the front because she said i'll come out and get you and And then like six, seven minutes, no one comes out. I'm like, I'm going to get fucking murdered. Someone just called up a comedian and gone, let's pop a comedian. And then she rings back and she's like, oh, are you at this address?

I'm like, yeah. She's like, oh, that's my house. You're supposed to be at mum's place. I'm like, what? Yeah. So they'd fucked up, not you. They'd fucked up, yeah. So she goes to type out an address and muscle memory just kicks in

and she's typed out her own. Yeah, I don't know. To the person she was writing to, whatever. She also called Rosie mum. So we drive another, it was like another 2Ks down this dirt road. So I get there, it's the right house. She comes out because I'm a surprise for this woman. And she goes on. A lot of surprises surprise is that man yeah fuck it gets better so she goes

I just need you you can't come in because mum's you know mum doesn't know you're on there's no really no way really to put you and the magician needs to finish oh hell yeah so there's a magician on with kids he's doing balloon animals the cunt does like an hour. So I'm waiting in the car. I go, I'll sit in the car. It's fine. I would rather sit in the car than watch magic. She looks like she loves cruise ships but hates the ocean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need a magician, a comedian. To be fair, he's done long because you can't light him because it'll probably burst the balloon. Yeah, when you saw these kids running around with ballooners, I saw a little bit through the window. i was like i want to knock your fucking felt hat off your head like this is not going well so i'm in the car and then she comes out and then she goes all right uh i'm going to give a bit of a speech about mum's uh you know mum for her 70th

and then um we're going to sing happy birthday and then we'll bring the cake and then we'll we'll have you that's what you want to do. You want to follow the cake. So she goes out. Make sure all of the audience has got their mouths full. That's my idea. Well, no, that's what I said to her. I was like, well, you can't cut the cake. And she said, why?

And I was like, well, people can't eat because then they're not laughing. So she brings out the cake. Oh, no. And I'm fucking grumpy guts over here. Hey, hey, hey, no eating. Your next act told you no dessert until after him. So she does one of those speeches, you know, those rhyming ones. Like, I'm a great mum.

Once I had a sore tum. You know, just all that sort of shit. By the way, that's called a poem, not a rhyming speech. But it was a speech that rhymed. But it was a speech that rhymed. Did any of you guys go and see that rhyming poet Kendrick Lamar who was in town recently? This is why I haven't been here for two years. So anyway, the rhyming speech finishes.

Happy birthday. Then they've got to clear the kids. So she kind of introduces me. Can't remember my surname. Brings me out. Right. What did she go with? Oh, just like Adam Rose.

Just goes Adam. Adam Rose sort of started it and then just bailed on it. Great. Clearly had no clue. Great. So it's in the lounge room. So I walk out. There's a couple of people on the couch.

There's like three recliners. And I'm like, recliners aren't good for comedy. They're comfortable. They're fucking really comfortable. Nothing in this story is good for comedy. Seven-year-old. Sitting in the car sounds good Reclining's good for magic It's good for magic

Sitting in the car with the hose Coming back through the window Just repping The comedian's just repping in the car Can you get the magician to come out And saw this car in half while I'm in it? And you've borrowed the hose from the family They're like, oh yeah, another comedian asked me this last week.

So I'm out there. Joan doesn't – she doesn't know me, so it's not like they booked me because she's a fan. She's fucking like, who's this bloke? Right. So anyway, I go out there and start, and it's not going very well. And I'm about five minutes in. What are you opening with?

What sort of gear are you doing? Just my normal stand-up set. Okay. I've got a great opening about washing machines. Fuck the South Americans. Fuck the South Africans Fuck everyone So I really took everyone down And then you know when you start getting

Cotton mouth, start getting a dry mouth Start getting really hot I'm like fuck I'm getting particularly hot And then I look to my left and I hadn't even noticed it There's an open fireplace And you know when your face gets really tight When you're sitting too close to the fireplace It was like that after five minutes I'm like i've got another 20 to go oh i couldn't move what a

testament to how many elements there are in this room that you do not notice an open fireplace that you're standing next to my foot's fucking in i just hadn't melted shoe so it's going along and then there's a bit of So to the right is Joan And her I'm assuming husband right And then a little bit of chatter starts on the couch So I've started to get them a little bit Kids are walking in and out Then they lock the kids in another room

I like how good this gig's going People start talking I've got them Should we leave? Oh Rosie's killing over here Finally some momentum Can we go to bed? Oh, listen to them going.

Oh, hang on, that's the fire. Encore? Encore? Do we want an encore? Oh, they're about to give me this commemorative kindling as a congratulation for doing so well at the gig. Cake anyone? He's on fire.

Literally. His legs are in the fire. So then Joan I say what's going on over here And Joan's like Oh he hasn't had his tablets The old bloke

What And so this is how desperate he is That he can't wait out the rest of my set Which had like another five to ten minutes to go And he's like I better take them I'm like Yeah okay

We'll get up then And so he goes and wanders out in the kitchen He's rumbling around Pulling blister packs out I don't know If they were your normal pills You know where they are He's just goes and wanders out In the kitchen He's rumbling around Pulling blister packs out If they were your normal pills You know where they are He's just fucking rummaging Around in the kitchen

He's in the fucking junk drawer He's got a potato mask What the fuck are you doing mate? He's got four pairs of nail clippers What are you doing that for? No he's looking for cyanide pills Because he's hating the gig so much A couple of giant salad tongs

So anyway Then it kind of wrapped up. And then, so I don't know where to walk, so I just kind of go, oh, thank you, and just walk out and just sort of walk into the bathroom. I don't know where I am. I'm just backstage. Backstage. But then they didn't have all the money, so they're obviously going to pay me.

Fuck, they had to get it out of the envelopes On the gift table That's so good That's so good One of them gives a cheque made out to Joan Can I Pay you in gift certificates How old is she 70

Just chuck the other 500 on the wheel And so then they've got to collect the money So I'm standing there waiting As she goes round And just starts collecting money off everyone What Yeah Everyone's shipping in Not everyone Like three or four people had the money money so I'm standing there waiting as she goes around and just starts collecting money off everyone. What? Yeah.

Everyone's shipping in. Not everyone. Like three or four people had the money. I was going to say that would be great if you turn up to someone's birthday party, they put a comedian on and then go, everyone's going to pay. Everyone chuck in. This is a ticketed birthday event. Fucking hell. I love that someone has given her socks and then that same person has handed you a chunk of money.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I couldn't have just put that towards me. Could have had a better night without this fucker. That was good? I did, yeah. It was a good drive back. It was a really good drive back. Yeah, yeah.

I did a hens in Geelong like a couple of years ago. Sorry, bucket time. Adam Rosen cart. Yeah, yeah. Cat with bar. Said cart. I don't know why the fuck I said it like that. Why did you say that?

Adam Rosen cat. I did a hen's in Geelong like two years ago and a lot of similar stuff. Why were you booked? Because the hen was a fan. Okay. So you turn up to a hen's. It's pretty small. There's like 10, 12 of them or something.

Yeah. And it's just all her friends going, who the fuck is this? Why isn't he more attractive? Why isn't he getting his dick out? Which he did. Yeah. Yeah. That's not what they wanted though.

But so then you just do your – and there's nothing worse than – because in those things, in those private things, especially when you've bombed, which I feel like you do nine times out of ten, and you being paid is so public. Like there's no subtlety to it. It's just literally the person just handing you a wad of cash and like everyone else there who didn't enjoy it looking at you going – That's two bags.

So that's that much. Fucking dope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the end. And I'm going to be asleep at 3 o'clock and I shouldn't be because of this fucker. Yeah, and as I left, I heard them going like, oh, I guess we'll go out now. I'm like, fuck, I've sucked all of the momentum of the party is just gone after me. I'm not getting married now.

Fuck that. If this is what men are, I want out. I'm taking my penis straw and my fucking wiggly thing off my head. But yeah, similar thing. Drive back from Geelong, just, oh boy. It's a fun drive. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a fun drive. I think, yeah, it wasn't that long ago. I think I did a gig in Geelong and I had a good one and I was like, and I was literally driving it to it with other comedians going, I've never had a good gig in this region of the coast. Like it's just all been, anywhere down Geelong area has just been terrible gigs and then a lot of me driving home for an hour and a half thinking about what graphic design

and if it's not too late to get back into it. Because Geelong to me, it's like if they're booking it down there, it's like they're people too lazy to drive 50 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Into the city, you know. Right, right. Yeah.

Hey, I wanted to talk about this very briefly. We just got back from the Coastal Million International Podcast Festival. Tell me more. Yeah, well, I wanted to talk about this very briefly. We just got back from the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Tell me more. Yeah. Well, I'm trying. And we found a potential sponsor for next year's festival, which is one of the most popular drinks that you can buy in Thailand. Oh, I have seen this in your little Instagram.

Yeah, you've seen it in the socials. Vodka Red Bull Bucket? No. C-Min. C-Min. Yeah, S-E-A-M-I-N. Have you ever had Pepsi in a bag? No.

Yeah. They do that in Phuket. They just give you like a little plastic bag and you're hanging on a nail. You have a straw in it and you have a sip and then you just hang your drink up for a little bit. It's much better than drinking out of a bowl. Yeah, I was going to say. You're giving me shit but not having cutlery. I'm not making you... You don't need a flat surface. You're just doing this for a little bit. It's much better than drinking out of a bowl. Yeah, I was going to say, you're giving me shit for not having cutlery. I'm not making you –

You don't need a flat surface. You're saying this on a fucking nail. It's like introducing a child to goon. Yeah, yeah. A little Pepsi bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a goon bag for a blue light disco. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Have I talked about this? When I went to Bangkok for the first time last year and I was there with my wife and we're going in like the really popular busy party bit and I'm having a few drinks and whatever but then – Is that like Bangla Road? Yeah, that's it, Bangla Road. Main Street.

Main Street. Main Street, Bangkok. High Street. Every city in the world should just have a Main Street and that's where the shit is happening. So that when you land, no matter where you're from, you just know, I'll just have a Main Street and that's where the shit is happening. So that when you land, no matter where you're from, you just know, oh, just go to Main Street. That's where the good stuff happens.

Yeah, but you do that in Melbourne. Defying the point of travel. Yeah. But if you do that in Melbourne, you'd say that's Bourke Street and then you go, oh, cool, let's go there and look at the Meyer window. No, you'd make it like... King Street. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, right. You'd make it where the shit is going on. Right, right. You'd make it where you like to get. Oh, call it Party Street then or something. Yeah. Coward Punch Street. Yeah, right, right. Well, make it where you like it to be. Oh, call it Party Street then or something. Yeah. Coward Punch Street. Yeah, right, right.

Well, that could be anywhere in Bangkok now probably. True. Yeah. No, I went to the bathroom at one point and just went because she'd never been, my wife had never been. To the bathroom? No, no, she'd been. Holding on.

She'd been. I'll wait. It's not that long till we're at home. I told you, I'm not squatting. Yeah. But I went to the bathroom and I said I'll just grab us a drink While I'm gone And I come back

Thinking you know I just want a beer I come back She got me a bucket And I'd never had a bucket before All the times of going to Thailand I'd never had a bucket But this is the worst bit

Not just a bucket A bucket of Fanta Fucking hell Did you turn eight? It's your birthday But imagine drinking that much Fanta. And I had a very good crack at it. The Fanta did me in way quicker than the alcohol in there

or the fucking Pinoclean or whatever was in there. Have you been to sleep since then? So much sugar. Man, I hadn't been that hungover for quite a while. I had a little rule in my head where I was like, never get hungover in Thailand. I've never been hungover. I was fucking hungover then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't drink orange drink because when I was in year 10, so it's around 1990, there was vodka and orange in a cask. It was called Nikov, Russian vodka, obviously. And we hadn't chilled it. And so we're just drinking warm orange juice and vodka. And I was so fucking sick. And I couldn't sniff Fanta, look at all the shoes

it was so crook for so fucking long Everyone's got one of them, one bad night on a certain type of drink and it just being around you, you just can't, yeah Southern Comfort, I'm just like, we used to have that with Slurpee That's why I can't have my cereal with wild turkey anymore Mine was wild turkey

But I think that's But I think that's why you're encouraged To when you start drinking Start out on those bullshit drinks Like Lemon Rusky and Woodstock Because no rational adult Is ever going to drink them So it's like

Puke it all out when you're 19 And then you never want to go back to it And that's fine Because there's better drinks Yeah the new market's coming through Yeah Well I don't ever have to drink Stone's Green Ginger Wine again.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. I've never – there was a bottle of that at the pub I worked at and I just never even smelled it. Yeah, I don't think I've tasted it. Oh, no, I can still taste it now. Don't worry. It was the fucking worst, but the most accessible in Maryborough

for some reason. Really? Yeah. Father O'Leary's has probably done a bit of damage in its time. Is that the shit? The velvet cream, yeah. Oh, yeahys baileys yeah you still love baileys i love it yeah my parents bought me because i'll fucking smash it because it's just really it's milkshake yeah it's fucking delicious my parents bought me a bottle of baileys one year for my birthday and i was like i've never drunk this in front of you i've never talked about drinking this in front of

you yeah when in the fuck am I ever going to drink this? There was a period where it was just literally like us, like me ending up back at my house with mates at like 4am and it's like that's the only alcohol and it's like, well, I guess we can just sit here and drink this fucking alcoholic chocolate milk before we all fuck off. Oh, man, it's actually went through it all already. I would have loved for the pod to just have a bowl each of Baileys.

Just like a chocolate milkshake and only gets you fuck-eyed. Let's do some really big shots. I'll have it in this colander. You were saying before that adults don't really drink those sweet drinks. I did a gig for a footy club and this is a... Oh, that... Again. Yeah.

Actual adults or adults at a footy club? Well, yeah, yeah. They were at the back, so they were doing like a... Oh, fuck, again, actual adults or adults at a footy club. Well, yeah, yeah. They were at the back, so they were doing like a, what was it, like a, what's it a night? It ended up like basically a strip show, but it was like a, they were doing acts and stuff. Oh, play a review. A talent show.

Yeah. So they were at the back. I was going to say, this sort of stripping, was there burlesque at this footy club? One guy, his nickname was Hacksaw. He was dressed as a cop but he had no pants on. Right. I don't know why.

I just noticed his nickname's Hacksaw. I just left it alone. Anyway, everyone out the back was drinking Bacardi breezes. Like they're fucking going out of fashion. Well, because they are. They ran out of them and they're like, get the fucking footy manager in here. We need more drinks. We've got to get. They ran out of them and they're like, get the fucking footy manager in here.

We need more drinks. We've got to get smashed before we go out there and perform. And he comes back in with a slab of cruisers and they fucking arced up. They're like, fucking cruisers? That's a girl's drink. You're so discerning. That's awesome. Different kind of cordial.

There's all those people growing up where they don't drink beer. They only drink Like bourbon or something Yeah Woodstock Woodstock cans Where I grew up Yeah

It's always these really tough guys And it's like Oh no I don't drink beer Yeah Oh you drink coke Do you Oh nice Growing up

We knew the people That had a part time job Were the ones that would bring A six pack of crown To the party Because it's like Yeah We could only afford The shit like VB at best.

Someone rocks up with a six or a Crownies and you're like, someone's done a Sunday shift. Yeah. A time and a half cash. Crownies were the real sign of like if you had a friend who had like an 18th or a 21st that their parents were at their parents' house and they were catering. That's how like the adults would show off.

You make sure when you go home you tell your mum and dad that you were drinking Crown Lager all night because we are doing all right in this household. I remember, so did you drink early? You were all well under 18 when you were drinking. 15, I reckon. Yeah. I got blind.

15 or something. My parents, from the age of 12, I think, every New Year's, Dad would give me one beer on New Year's Eve at 12 and then 13 he'd give me two, on New Year's Eve at 12 and then 13 he'd give me two 14, 3 it was like building up a tolerance

you know like over the course of six years so what you get to have six beers this year when you're 18 what are you up to now do you have to do

like a slab or two a lot still got a headache man drinking underage was so good and like all the like the fucking around

you have to go through to get the alcohol and you're just dreaming of being 18 and you're like, it's going to be so much better when we can just get alcohol and it's never as good as just getting fucked up in a park when you're underage. I'm happier doing it now than that. Really? That stone's ginger wine shit. Oh man, that was the best.

Because we used to have this big park near where I grew up where like a bunch of our friends kind of all lived like in the neighbourhood nearby. Yeah, and we would just all like Saturday night and the cops would like regularly turn up and just be like driving through this fucking walkway that went through the park. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, fucking run.

I like about your address. Yeah, and all they're doing is wanting to spook you. Tommy Dessolo. We'd scatter. Is that where you got your stage name from? Just your fake name on your ID? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I panicked.

I panicked like in the heat of the moment with the cops. But that thing where it's like the cops turn up and all they – like they're not going to do fucking anything. All they're going to do is just like flash the lights and like freak you out. Like they're clearly loving it. But you don't know that at the time. You think you're like – Oh, mate.

It's all over. You think you're ten minutes away from getting a fucking, you know, bullet in the back of their head. Like the threat is so real. See, we never had – I don't think there's a real thing of bullet in the back of their head. The threat is so real. See, we never had... I don't think there's a real thing of parks in the country. I know since I've moved to the city, it's like people go and drink in the parks.

There's fucking nothing there. It's all high-rises. No, in the country, it's like you turn 13 and you rock up to the pub and go, let me in, cunt. And they go, no worries, Admiral. Maryborough is like Manhattan, haven't you been? I do like that though, a country pub, just letting people in.

And then when you have your 18th there, they're like, why? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally, totally. I remember thinking I was super sneaky sneaking out of my house and you'd have like grog hidden in a cupboard in your bedroom or whatever and you'd be sneaking out. And then like about a year later, I think once I was 18 or 19, mum and dad just brought it up.

I'm like, oh, what? Did you know? And I remember mum saying, no, I thought your sleeping bag was just naturally clanking together as you were leaving the house. You're like, oh, okay. Could you imagine though, if you are a parent who doesn't drink and your child has had a few drinks, you know how much you can fuck? Like it's over dark.

Oh, right. They fucking stink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't get it fucking stink yeah yeah yeah yeah the wall to prop you up yeah i'm just in the movies oh i remember getting the first time i got really really really like properly drunk because i didn't know how much you drank you were supposed to drink or anything because we went to the pub and it was just like doing shots and like it's like your first cone yeah yeah yeah the whole thing yeah yeah yeah alright but it was all weird I remember drinking blue Kira K oh Jesus

yeah fucking hell yeah it was real bad and I remember I want to know what the top shelf is at this fucking pub

I remember being so fucked that when I got home in the morning I got dad to come and pick me up and in the morning I was so fucked I just he just dropped me off at the house and I didn't in the morning, I got Dad to come and pick me up. And in the morning, I was so fucked.

He just dropped me off at the house and I didn't go into my room. I just went and laid on the front lawn. Oh, man. And I was spewing until just bile was coming up. And it was like hot. It was like a 31-degree day. It was like a 31-degree day. And I'm just lying in the sun.

Looked like you've swallowed a load from a smurf. Yeah, yeah. And Dad's like, you're pretty crook. Why don't you come inside? I'm like, no, leave me here. He's like, I'm pretty sure you're getting crooker lying in the sun. Yeah. This dehydration is not being helped by the sun.

He must have been worried about you because most dads would be like, if I can learn him, I'll learn him. But he was worried that you were getting... Oh, no, I was hitting empty. Yeah. When I was 18, I were getting... Oh, no, I was hitting empty. Yeah. When I was 18, I had a job in the city and afterwards, a mate and I went to a comedy night. Before I did stand-up, it was at Crown that...

Anyway, it was like $2 pots of Stella. Oh, hell yeah. And we just... At the Odeon? Yeah. Yeah. And it was like, we just had 20 bucks each, 10 pots of Stella, and then go get money.

It might have had, you know, 15 pots or something. Fucked. My phone died. I had to call Dad from a payphone. He's driven in. Huh? Yeah, the 30. Somehow after a month.

I'd reached out to him last year. But Dad drove into the city to pick me up. Too many games of Snake on the way in. And on the way back to Werribee, over the Westgate, should have jumped off. Just, I was hanging out the window, vomiting all down the side of the car. When I got home, one in the morning. Vomiting over the Westgate, I love it.

That's so great. Yeah, it's pretty grim. And that's why the fences are there, I think. The spew catches. It's like a salad bar. But I rolled out onto the lawn, one in the morning. It was fucking freezing And mum just came out

And started hosing me That's what you get Fucking like Rambo And cleaning you up But then the next day I'm going to work But that's very your mum Yeah

She was texting me the other night Because she was trying She wanted to leave Smart ass replies On something I'd written On Facebook But she couldn't Because she'd been banned

From Facebook again So she's texting me she'd been banned from Facebook again. So she's texting me in the middle of the night to tell me what she would have written. You know why she gets banned? Because she goes Donald Trump or something, doesn't she? She just keeps going Trump support, like going him. Yeah, all the time. She's banned from Twitter.

No, she's retired. Yeah, right. And she's using it well. You want to see the world? She's retired. Yeah, right. And she's using it well. You've got to have a hobby. You want to see the world? Why would I? With this redhead cunt, I'll fucking tell him. I went to my cousin's 18th.

Oh, sorry, you were going to, what were you going to say? Oh, yeah. So this is worse. So I go to work the next morning, but I'm green in the face, fucked. After about half an hour, it was one of those jobs in an office where a mate goes, I'll just sign you out on the timesheet at the end of the day. You just look after each other.

If someone's fucked, man, I'll sign you out so you still get paid. I feel like this is him probably doing you more favours than you're ever reciprocating. You're never there a quitting time. He'd leave 15 minutes early for footy training and I'd go, I'll remember that. And I go down Flagstaff Station and there's five people there and then there is a young man with Down syndrome

who is giving everyone at the station the gladiator sideways thumbs, judging them, and then everyone at the station gets a thumbs up and then he gets to me and I've got a thumbs down. That's brutal. That's great. That did not help the hangover. That guy going, I know I've got it tough but you've got it tougher actually.

One of my – you know those deep memories that you have that even – it doesn't matter how much distance you get from them, still when they pop into your head, they just give you the chills. I, um, I went to my cousin's 18th. She's a year older than me. So I was 17 and,

um, it was like at a pub and it was like her and her friends were pretty rowdy. So it got pretty loose. And I hooked up with one of her friends. So like a girl, a year older, pretty cool. But like all,

all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all,

all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all,

all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, So like a girl a year older, pretty cool. Nice. But like all. Mrs. Robinson. At the party. At the party. You're pashing at the party. I'm pashing at the party.

All of our family is there. So like my parents, my aunts and uncles, like the worst. I feel very weird about it because I feel like at that age, was that a cool thing to do or not? Looking up for someone a year older than you. Yeah, totally. You don't think? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what Rosie did at the 70th. Just macking out with James. Her husband had passed out in the kitchen. Go get your pills, cock block. Got any Viagra in there for me? Yeah. Let's fire this thing up. Fuck, now Lenny Ruder now I've got this burning sensation

I think I've got an SAD No your foot's still in the fireplace mate So you don't think that's cool To like hook up with a girl Like even a year older When you're Oh yeah No I don't

Really? What at 17? Yeah So if you're a year 10 And you hooked up with a year 12 You weren't like the fucking hero of the school? I don't think so Wow

Boy they do things differently Down there in the country They're looking at i've imagined it because a meribar year 10 could be 25 yeah yeah yeah but that's like no and then like months later my dad because i was blind like i don't remember getting home and but like i know i went home with my parents like gotta live time with them. But you would have been macking on so bad, like making a scene. Oh, totally. My dad like –

Trying to, you know, you're rubbing outside pants and stuff. Big time. Yeah, big time. Maybe that's what the bottle of Baylis was for. They remembered what you were drinking. Go recreate that night, son. You fucking weapon. Yeah, get us a daughter-in-law, please.

Like months and months later like i like i was my dad just as an opportunity to roast me was like because in my head i was like i wonder if they saw we kind of weren't like in the middle of the party or anything and dad's like yeah how about how he had to like pull you off that girl to get you into the car to drive you home and then you were like spewing out the window i'm like this is the worst this and it's still i don't think i'll ever be old enough to not be just mortified by that memory. You try spewing with a bone of dad.

It's doable. Oh, God. Just horrific. In front of the whole family. Semen. That all came from semen. Speaking of horrific drinks. Are we all done listing every single time

We've ever gotten drunk in our lives Yeah I'm trying to think of anything better I'm trying to think of my best drunk story I'm not sure I think I need to prepare for that a little bit more Yeah I don't know Seem in So we were talking a lot about

What is it? It's You know what I'm not super sure Like a cordial? It's some sort of like vitamin filled You know like a It's not

Because all the publicity is in Thai So so I can't really figure it out. The only thing in English is semen. But you didn't taste it? Yes, I did. We had some. It seems kind of similar. Have you ever had Bacari sweat? That Japanese drink?

Yeah. Bacari sweat. Bacari sweat. Is that like the green, like aloe vera-y type? No, no, no. It almost looks like a cloudy water, but it's like an electrolyte. Yeah, right. It's similar to like Gatorade but there's kind of

no flavour to it it's really good it seemed similar to that similar kind of thing coconut water sort of shit no no

it was sort of milky and stuff it's a Gatorade with no flavour yeah yeah oh like the blue one yeah but not it's got protein in it

you're talking about actual semen yeah well this is quite milky and stuff. Yeah. So it's in like a little plastic container, it's a pouch sort of thing. Yeah, like what kids drink.

Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. I drank a litre of it and then passed out. So I'd like to, if the people behind see me in a... Formal flashback. I'd like to have the people behind see me to tell us exactly. I should ask this question

because this is my point. We start putting up on social media and stuff that, oh, check this out, Seeming. You know, ha ha, check this out, check it. Anyway, the marketing guy behind Seeming,

I don't know how he found this, but he's found us putting it on our socials and starts messaging us and going, oh, cool. You know, I see you've got that. That's really cool. Here we go. You know, and we're sort got that. That's really cool. Here we go.

You know, and we're sort of excited. He slid into the DMs. He's like, I see you like semen. It's like, fuck, here we go. Yeah. Gets into the DMs. Probably because you're the only cunts tagging the product. Tagging the page.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got three notifications. Surely more Australians have been through to see semen. Yeah. You can't be the first. Yeah. So he starts sending us messages to the page, to us personally, fucking anything he can do.

He's doing it. He's on Twitter. So he says, my name is Fong Petch, admin page, Seem In Drink. Sounds legit. Yep. I want to share in my page. So I just start explaining, we're an Australian podcast. We did the podcast festival in Thailand.

We did all this sort of stuff. He just starts sending us ads for Seem In Drink. It's like, well, we already put Australian podcast. We did the podcast festival in Thailand. We did all this sort of stuff. He just starts sending us ads for Seeming Drink. It's like, well, we already put it on our page. Yeah, we know what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've already had it. We can't understand Thai. Yeah.

So he goes, Seeming Drink is bestseller of the year 2018. So I'm not sure how that works. Bestseller out of what? Is it beat Coke or I don't know. And also already. Yeah, exactly. Like July, they go, they go it's got it miles ahead

no one can catch this even Gatorade with flavour no one can catch this last six months are a dead rubber boys give up get that pallet out of here

put the buckets away don't need to swill yeah so he sends us the official page to like on Facebook

which I love it's not just see me in drink it's called see me in drink fever so someone already He sends us the official page to like on Facebook, which I love. It's not just Seamint Drink. It's called Seamint Drink Fever. Yep. Someone already took Seamint Drink, I presume, as a name. So he goes, I like my page. I say done.

He says, thanks very much, sir. And then I think Tommy gets on and puts, hello very much, sir, as a Dilraba callback. And then I put, as we say in Australia, semen tastes very Rick. And he said, I'm very, very happy. Thank you so much. And we said, do you know Hughes? And he said, oh, you have his full name?

So we're just pranking with dum-dum talk at this point. Yeah, I don't really ever check this stuff, but this was like coming up as notifications for me as you were replying to him. So I'm seeing it unfold in real time. And so the back end of the conversation is you and me tag-teaming him, where I'm saying something and then he's replying

and then you're replying to that, and then I'm replying to him. So we're having a great old time. It's like Instagram improv. Pretty much. It is us making fun of someone for whom English is not their first language, but that's besides the point. It's great shit. It's good stuff. It is us making fun of someone for whom English is not their first language, but that's besides the point.

It's good stuff. The only true bravery left to admit publicly about racism that you've committed. We actually got a sore back from punching down so deep. Lift with your legs, boys, with your legs. So that all starts

and we start putting on our page like semen drink fever guys you know support the drink that supports us in some way

and so people start leaving more reviews and whatever and this guy I love that this guy has got not much to do in terms of admin for this page

he just starts going on you know private messaging us whatever he starts like leaving replies to everyone's reviews just going

thank you for the review. You look very handsome. Here we go. To like other people. So that's... This is good customer service. A gateway drink. Yeah.

This is why he's doing it. He's playing the long game. This is why they drink of the year. You don't kind of get this kind of attention from like Coke or Sprite. No, you don't. Or Fanta. Oh, no, definitely. You've got nothing but Fanta. Oh no, definitely.

Stone of Fanta. What if you'd come back from that toilet and your wife was like, I got you a bucket of sea milk. That was how you found out the drink existed. And I was like oh cool, that drink from Thailand. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They said it's going to be about an eight hour wait. But it'll be soon.

We've just got to wait for this Bukkake to finish. Bukkake Breezer. Great, great, great. So these are the sort of people I want to be affiliated with. So I think if we go to Samoil next year, we've got to get these guys to be the official sponsor. Can you get a product out here or something, do you reckon? Yeah. That was one of the messages.

He was private messaging me saying oh do you want to order some? Oh hell yeah. It's become importers. I was thinking but he was asking me questions where I'm like

I don't think you've ever exported anything before. Yeah. Because he's like oh can you get this in the mail or are you allowed to get this?

I'm like I don't know you fucking make the product what's in it? I don't even know what it is. We could get it shipped somewhere. We could get it shipped to like a warehouse or something.

I honestly don't think we need some huge pallet. Let's get it sent over and let's – You can't get one or two, can you? No, I've seen him do like boxes. So he could send over like a box that's got like a slab of them, like 24 of them or something. Let's get a bunch and then let's do a one-off. I'm looking forward to border security.

I was going to say as they're pulling semen out of the Thai man's ass. Yeah, let's hold like a semen pop-up shop. You know how Kanye when he tours here, he's like, well, you can't buy the merch here anywhere. I'll just take over an abandoned shop. It's like, well, you can't get all you semen enthusiasts come down to our pop-up shop. We'll serve it in condoms

because it's come straight out of a diamond's arsehole. Maybe we do that before one of the live shows we've got coming up. So we'll get onto this. We'll try and get some order and then we'll do a pop-up shop before one of the live shows we've got coming up. Let's make some limited edition semen t-shirts, semen drink t-shirts.

We've got merch going. I did ask him about merch and he was like, yeah, cool. You can order some drinks. I'm like, the drink's not merch. That's the product. Put it on a chain or on a band. Wear my semen watch. That's awesome.

You go to a concert and someone's like, did you get any merch? Yeah, I got a few cold ones, a few cold Kanye beers. What do you reckon he's telling his mates? He's like, fuck, man. I'm onto something here. It's gone off. And the page must have... How many likes did it have before you told people?

Has it gone up a bunch? Oh, a bit. We got everyone listening. You've got to like this thing so we can get more... So we've got more clout with these guys. So you can drink fever. This guy also, like, he got to the end of the conversation. He's like saying, oh, you can order some stuff.

And I'm like, okay, cool. Like, this is... You know, put this on your time sheet for marketing it's very door knocky it's very yeah yeah you know one-on-one marketing it's like generally you just buy an ad you don't fucking hit up people randomly on facebook is it just from the admin page or have you seen this guy like has he left his name and you can go to his facebook page yes he's friended me i accepted his friendship can we find out A little bit about him Oh yeah I think We looked him up And it's all pretty Thai

It's all in Thai Yeah Even his name Is in Thai On the page What are the odds He's in a cave Yeah

He's in a cave With his soccer coach It's fucking all Thai Traditional Thai Yeah But this is By the end of the conversation He's like going back

And forth with me I'm like oh this is fine I'm happy to talk to this You know the marketing guy Behind Absolutely To see me drink fever Fuck man And by the end of the conversation he's like going back and forth with me i'm like oh this is fine i'm happy to talk to this the yeah you know the marketing guy behind absolutely drink fever and um by the end he goes ah be friends with this person and just starts sending me links to sending me links to other people that he's friends with networking and he's got and then he goes i've told her about you so be friends with her and i'm like fucking is he hang on is he a marketing guy

for seeming drink fever and fucking fucking Tinder or what's going on? When I was driving into Bangkok from the airport, you drive past like a bunch of those. This literally happened. Big billboard that they have a bunch of around the place that say, do not get the Buddha. It's a monument. It's a religious entity.

Do not be getting tattoos of the Buddha. It's extremely disrespectful and it's like respect our culture. Do not mock us by getting a tattoo of Buddha and then literally right behind a big billboard for semen drink and it's like, ah, it's called semen. Yeah. Like how long until there's a billboard of like do not mock our most famous drink, most popular drink,

2018. The king loves this drink. Yeah. Do not be going back to your country and roasting this drink on your podcast, speculating about its flavour, saying that it's good for your skin. There must be English equivalents

going to other countries. There must be a country where Fanta means doing a shit on a dog or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There must be something well isn't isn't pajero isn't that like wanker in spanish or like mexican or something like the nissan pajero or something like that yeah that that vaguely rings a bell yeah yeah yeah yeah i could be wrong but they'd fucking love it you did say is that wanker in spanish Mexican or something? No, because of the dialects of abuse that I learnt. Yeah, they're a different type.

Did you get called a pajero a few times? I got called puta mostly. What's that mean? It's like, I think slut actually. Oh. No, maybe son of, yeah. Son of slut. Dog on mum.

Oh. It was unnest. Yeah, drink your water. Drink your water you eat from my bowl. Stupid Pajero. Drink your very watered down Fanta. Seamen, drink, pump up shop, baby. We've got to get it pumping.

These two guys are big gym junkies. You two guys are gym junkies, aren't you? Absolutely not. Rosie a lot more than me. I'll go in spurts. I'll have a good three-week block of every day and then it's been a few weeks. Well, yeah, well, that's like a junkie.

A junkie can go hell for leather on heroin for a while and then have to go to detox. By the way, can you lend me 20 bucks so I can go to Doherty's? That's two sessions. So, Tommy, you've moved house. We're in the new house now. Yeah.

It's a good crib. We're in the new content zone. Yeah, yeah. So, you've moved away from your regular gym. So where was your gym? East Brunswick. I was doing a little F45 up there. Oh, yeah?

And I'm still going. I'm commuting because I was paying... I was accidentally paying double for a little while and then I realised and the guy was like, oh, I'll just credit you all these weeks. So now it's like... They didn't give you the money back. Pardon?

They didn't give you the money back. Well, I've kind of... I mean, yeah, I've already paid it. Yeah. oh, I'll just credit you all these weeks. So now it's like – They didn't give you the money back. Pardon? They didn't give you the money back. Well, I've kind of – I mean, yeah, I've already paid it. Yeah. Well, I guess you're committed though. You're going. I know. Yeah. So it's like – it's just a huge test of how much of a tight ass I want to be because

I could just let it go and join another one. But I'm like, I've got like 10 weeks like saved up or something. Yeah, fuck yeah. That's a fair bit. Yeah, exactly. You can ride a bike there. Yeah. I'm not going to.

Just get double wrecked. And is it – do you find it – because it's functional 45, isn't it? Functional 45-minute training. I thought it was fitness for a while and then I saw it. No, it's functional 45. Do you find it functional? It's like CrossFit stuff. Unlike all the fucking D45s going around the joint,

dysfunctional 45 minutes. You can't stay in a relationship for 45 minutes. It's all that sort of shit. Can't lift a barbell without chucking it out the window. Yeah, it's pretty functional. The kettlebells that I have to lift on a daily basis for my work, that's a lot easier now. You do have a lot around the house.

Those burpees I'm constantly being forced to do have become a breeze. Is it under the couch? No. Is it on the roof? No. Is it under the couch? No. Where the fuck are my cups?

Are you a sweater? Is that why you go to the gym? Because they've got glasses there? It's just nice to drink out of a cup again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice to feel a bit ritzy, you know? That'll be the next six months, white plastic gym cups will be all. Just drinking out of hollowed out barbells.

Yeah, you sweater? I sweated today. Today was brutal. Wednesdays are cardio and they're pretty intense. Tuesdays and Thursdays are whites, so they're good, but I don't really sweat as much. But yeah, Wednesday. I hadn't done a Wednesday in ages and fucked me today.

Fucked me real bad, boys. Fucked 45. Good for you. You'd sweat Yeah Not at the very When I go back Because I just don't have the gas

To get to the point Where I'm Very fucking sweaty But in fucking Asia last week On the Running around there Brutal I've tried to start

Just doing some jogging Because I love riding a bike But I've just never run before So I want to try that It's not easy running Just to get into it It's great It's nothing

Bad time of year to start too It's not easy running just to get into it nothing yeah bad time of year to start too it's winter here no good yeah i uh i tell you what i've been sweating a bit more there lately though because uh they all the trainers there now know that i do stand up and so now they're coming over like in the middle of exercise just going why don't you just tell some jokes like constantly you're gonna use it to be fair that would make you sweat a lot. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. So it's just like I see them there and it's just like the whole time I'm just like, please don't come and talk to me.

Please don't subject me to fucking loudly talk about my job in front of all these strangers. There's a little hole in the wall cafe next to me now. And I went up there the other day and the guy's like, oh, what do you do? And I was like, oh, you know, I don't know why I fucking told him. I was like, I do stand up. He's like, oh, yeah. Birthday parties. Yeah. And then next time I go down, he goes, I've got, oh, you know, I don't know why I fucking told him. I was like, I do stand-up. He's like, oh, yeah. Birthday parties. Yeah.

And then next time I go down, he goes, I've got some jokes for you. And I said out loud, I was like, please don't. And he goes, no, no, no, they're funny, they're funny. And he proceeds to tell me about half a dozen kids' jokes. There are other people there. Kids' jokes? Yeah, they were just like. Like riddles?

You know, none, like, you know, what do you call the Mexican fireman, you know, Jose, Jose B. Oh. But shit like that. What's the best part about fucking 28 Mexican fireman, you know, Jose, Jose B. Right. But shit like that. What's the best part about fucking 28-year-olds? Yeah, that kind of shit. Kid's jokes. Technically a kid joke, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But he's just running a whole bunch of them and there's other people standing around. I'm just like, just fucking give me the coffee, mate. Like, what are you, you're fucking degrading yourself. Yeah. I could Mike Barista.

Nice. Oh, it was fucking horrendous. There's one girl in there who's one of the trainers who is the most, the biggest offender of it constantly. Hey, the comedian just shouts that every time I walk in. Why don't you tell us a joke? And then I saw on her page on Instagram that she plays football on the weekends.

And so she'll do that to me. And so I just go, kick a goal. And she's like, why would you say that? Well, he like doesn't get it. And so that's our whole relationship now is her going, tell a joke and me going, fucking take a specky. And her just not getting in any way. That's weird because personal trainers are normally fucking hilarious.

Yeah. Well, I do. I've got, yeah. I've done some sessions with it, yeah. But I've never just said that. Have you ever had a personal trainer, Tom? No, I mean, F45 is like halfway between a class and a trainer. So that's the most I would want. How often do you go?

Once a week. Okay. Half hour session, once a week. Do you get enough out of half an hour? I mean, looking at you is a good answer. Hey, I've gotten better. It's fine. Like I'm doing fine.

How much is that? I don't know, like 40, 50 bucks or something like that. So what it does is it guarantees that I have to go and then it makes me want to go again so it is worth my while to go. And do you warm up before the half hour starts or is it you meet them and that's your half hour? No, I warm up a little bit. yeah yeah go on the rower stretch the fucking rosie made me do a fucking rowing thing a pyramid it was fucking brutal yeah but now i'm into it good times yeah oh but that's all like everything in f45 is like the first time i went i was like

i can't imagine anything worse than doing any like all the stuff that you hate you then once you get half decent at it you're like I love this yeah yeah like even just exercise

in general when I was at high school I was like a fat little piece of shit we used to have to run the tan regularly and I would like do everything I could

you ran the tan yeah we had to run the tan pretty regularly so tan in Izzy Melbourne it's a couple it's like 4k 4k yeah 4k running track

and that was like the worst that day knowing that that day was coming up at It's like 4K, I think. 4K, yeah. 4K running track. And that was like the worst. That day, knowing that that day was coming up at school was like the worst thing I could imagine. And now I love it. I was shit at cross country in high school. But you had the guys that just went out and smashed it. Yeah.

I prefer footy. I'll run all day if there's a ball. Yeah. Like a fucking dumb dog. I'm not just going to run for. You're biting children. Yeah. My favourite thing is

I kind of do like I'll get on the gym's Instagram page and just kind of like troll them because I like all the I get on well with all the trainers

so I'll fuck around with them on there and because I hadn't been in there for a while because I was moving house and everything one of the trainers came up yesterday and he's like what was the

what was the thing about it being too rude and I'm like what and he goes thing about it being too rude? And I'm like, what? And he goes, you commented saying this is rude. And I'm like, I don't remember seeing anything rude. I don't really know. You'll have to show me. And he goes through and they had put a post up going like, you know,

cardio days can get F45 star star ED. So I just commented Bit rude Just like You know Fucking around And I was like Oh I'm just I'm just fucking around Because it was like

You know It's just like Imagine being offended by that And he goes You say that But like All these people came into the gym After you posted that

And were like Who is that guy on the Instagram Getting offended Oh my god Getting offended Oh my god Mate Why don't they fucking

Have told him to get F45 stars in the beat? That's great. Have I said this on the show that they play, they have these mixes that get made especially for F45? Oh, so everything's timed, isn't it? Because you do one-minute blocks of different exercises and stuff like that.

Kind of. It's not so much that. It's just more that it's all about the brand and everything. So it's like They're these specially commissioned DJ mixes Where every few minutes Someone's going

And they've all got dumb names It's like You're listening to 2am anthems With F45 It's like Don't remind me of Yeah yeah It's like don't remind me of 2am

That's why I'm fucking here In the first place Because of what I'm doing at 2am But um Masturbating in a park They're all censored like all of the songs so there's no swearing oh man

next time you guys are going to Sydney soon or no you're just in Sydney yeah we were in Sydney a few months ago I dare say we'll go to Sydney again at some point the trainer that I see in Sydney is a mate of mine he's like ex army and he's the trainer for the SAS and he just puts on like my the tour the playlist for my tour this year I put up on Spotify

because people would ask about the songs and he'll just blast it and it's explicit rap music and he's like, I don't give a fuck. And then on his page it's him lifting weights and then just misquoting people. So he'll just take a line from like Goodfellas and say, Gandhi said it. And it's like, you motherfucker, I'll shoot you in the fucking head. It's like, yeah, he gets it. It's good fun.

Did people really message you going like, what song was that in your front of house music? What kind of low breeds are coming to your show that need to be told that the hilltop hoods exist? Hey, listen, Esso. Rick Ross. My favourite was last year I got a message during Brisbane Comedy Festival, a guy saying,

really enjoyed your show, but you should fire whoever was in charge of that rock that was being played at the start. Yes. And I was like, I chose it. I chose it all. I love it. And it was just seen and then never received. I'm always impressed when I come into your shows for the music you play

because I'm like, I wish I had the boldness to play the music that I like, but it would just get everyone on fucking itch. Yeah. Because I listen to metal. You're a big death metal man. Yeah, yeah. So it just, it would put people off. You've got to back it.

You've got to try it. You've got to try it once and come out to that. But also, also it's like the top rap music. A bit of Cannibal Corpse just before the story of Rosie bringing his dad to Europe and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's what I like. It's like I'm playing rap music and then just talking about dumb

baller shit anyway. So it's like I reference it. But for you it would be like. Anyway, so front loader washing machine. You can't put a sock in once the door's closed. It's true though. And just old ladies going why did you

open without music at my 70th birthday party like leave it in the comedy club that's why you bummed because they could

hear you blasting fucking gore from out in your driveway it's the same joke that you'd made I just wanted to get the gore

reference in there I do like your two touch points there are cannibal gores and Gwar over here. But I was sharing backstage with Dil. Remember when you were in the Cube and I – no, I was in the Cube.

You were in the playroom or whatever at ACMI? For people at home, there are names of comedy rooms in the comedy festival because that sounds very weird. You know when you were in the Cube and I was in the playroom? Were you in some fucking RSL for kids or something at the back? I want someone to write the fanfic where they just take the start of that story. Remember, Tommy, when you were in the cube and then just flesh it out from there. And I was in the playroom.

So we shared a backstage. Loved being in the cube. And the next year, Dil had your room. Yes. And so we shared backstage. Dil was in the cube. For people at home, that's Dil Rook-Joseph. Fucking jelly cube. The fucking sphere they renamed it

sugar cube sugar cube that's the one you don't eat cubes of jelly and he every like first few shows he was starting off really really hard and he was like he was going oh it's taking me Five ten minutes

To you know Fucking get the audience On side And they seem Really nice When they're in line And shit And I was like

Why don't you try Turning the M&M M&M off Because that's all he had Was just Yeah yeah yeah Just smashing out Real angry M&M too

Yeah And as soon as he changed it Instant It was like They were just like Oh yeah we're relaxed Not on edge You're not sitting there

Going fucking What's happening here That's exactly the same As his recent diet As soon as he got rid Of the M&M's. You can breathe easier. It was his favourite song off that most recent M&M

and one where he's going absolutely fucking hard as too. Yeah, it's not My Name Is. They can deal with that. No, that's why they're like, it takes them time to readjust because they've just heard about Slim Shady and now they've got to say, what's that brownie? He's just eaten mum's spaghetti off his jumper. Lose yourself.

Lose some fucking weight off yourself, dude. Oh, well, what a natural crescendo. I think that's just about all the time we've got for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Nick Cody, Adam Rosenbach, thank you so much for joining us. What size pants you got? 8 miles. See? Nice. I still can't get over him blasting music in the car at the 70th.

I just love the thought of like, happy birthday. And you go... Here he is. 70th. I just love the thought of like happy birthday. Here he is. Is there something with Stan? It's hard to stand up. Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I would if I could. My knees can't handle my weight.

We got greedy. We got greedy fellas. Much like a certain... I've just been with him for two weeks. He's not going to come back good. Oh, really? Yeah. Bit of excess baggage on the way back. Is he looking a little less Eminem and a bit more D17?

D12. Oh, D12. D17. No, but D, that's D17 works because it looks like there's fucking more of them. This band blew out. What a fucking super group. E17 and D12. All right.

All right. What have you guys got? Cody, what's coming up? I'm going to, I don't know when this comes out, but Hobart, Brisbane, Adelaide, and then a baby is coming. So I'm just going to chill out at home. You're selling it? Yeah, I'm going to sell it.

Nice. Nice. Rosie? I've got nothing. Actually, no, we've got the Junk Time AFL podcast because all you footy fans out there can come along to our live show Sunday, the 2nd of September at the European Beer Cafe. Oh, nice.

And then the post-grand final show, which will be the day after the granny, which I think is the 30th of September with two guys, one cup. Nice. Yeah. I went to maybe the one that you did at M2 years ago. I know nothing about footy and I still had a very good time.

Is that the grand final one you came to? Yeah. Can you give a bit more info just so people know before they buy a ticket who's playing in the grand final so they'll know who you're talking about. Richmond Collingwood. Right, great.

Thanks. Awesome. We've got our big live shows on sale littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can find all of that thanks very much for listening

and we'll see you next time see you mates see you mates they've done it again once again what a track record it's been a while since Rosie's done it again

the goats the goats the goats the goats of all time they've done it again good ep The goats Greatest of all time They've done it again Good ep Yeah Funny ep

Loose ep this one Good Yeah Four good boys Sitting around One of them drinking out of a Out of a bowl In my kitchen

Got any glasses yet? That was the other day No Now I've got them But they're in my car And I still haven't brought them inside yet Fucking hell I'm getting there

I'm slowly getting there Alright Yeah Good times Nothing to and I still haven't brought them inside yet. Oh, fucking hell. I'm getting there. I'm slowly getting there. All right. Yeah, good times. Nothing to, anything to follow up on on this episode? Not really. I don't think so. I don't think there's been anything that wasn't made immediately clear in there.

Just following up on the start of the show, we are coming to Parth, to the capital of Western Australia. A great, a city that I like more than you, I think, traditionally. Maybe it's got something to do with it's closer to Asia. Who knows? Who knows? I'm back on it now, I have to say. I used to hate it and now I like it because two of my very good friends live there. So I enjoy getting to go over and see them.

Right. So you still hate the fans that live there, but your friends you like. When did I say that? I'm just presuming. I'm just trying to figure out in my brain how it works. Fucking hell. You have gone next level with that one. Yeah, so that's going to be fun.

Heaps of stuff coming up. Let's get into a bit of Patreon read if there's no other news to get to. All right. Yeah, yeah. Should we confirm again that date for the Path listeners? It's November the 18th on the Sunday afternoon at the Comedy Lounge there. Tickets on our website, so go and hunt them down. Make sure you get – because it's a new venue for us,

which means that there is a potential for it being sold out because there is X amount of seating. It's not huge. We've never – yeah, new venue. We haven't X amount of seating. It's not huge. We've never – yeah, new venue. We haven't performed in there yet. It's purpose-built in Perth CBDs. That's going to be cool. Yeah.

Looks great. Heaps of fun. So a good reason to get these tickets early because it is smaller than our last venue, I would say. Ah, interesting. But a very nice venue. Yeah. Yeah.

So thank you, continued thank you to everyone who supports the show on Patreon. We have patreon.com slash little dum-dum club is where you can go if you enjoy the show, if you enjoy getting it for free every week and you feel like it's worth chipping a little bit of money into because we do put a lot of time and work into the show. And it's very greatly appreciated by us, people who care enough about this to reward it financially and we give back. We give you a little bonus magazine each month. We do an extra episode each month

and perhaps greater than any kind of other reward you could be offered is that we read your name out in this bit of the show and we cyber bully you. Yeah, exactly. So whether you're selfless and just want to give money to us to give that we may grow this podcast or whether you're selfish and just want that extra content, it's both a good reason to chip in money

because you get the bonus prizes if you're selfish. Now, once again, some of the money does come into the unplanned title alternator. Yep. Once again, I am using that technology. Thank you, everyone, for contributing and making sure the license doesn't go ass up on that thing. We get all the new updates every week or so. So I've fired it all up, obviously. We've been sitting here for four hours waiting for you to fire this up properly,

waiting for it to boot up. But it's worth the wait. There's a lot of updates. Yeah. There's a lot of updates. It's, yeah. This again, when I said we put a lot of time and work into this, most of it is just waiting for the unplanned title alternator to load

and to install the updates and everything. We just kind of sit here waiting for it to fire up. There's a lot of updates. Like I don't know. These guys are working day and night on the software of this thing. Yeah. I tend to get an update every five minutes. They've thought of a new thing every five minutes.

Constant bug improvements and everything. And you can't use it when the updates are coming through. So, look, some people might say it's an absolute fucking waste of time because you barely can use it. But I think – I like to think, no, you know what? It's just constantly getting better and better and better. I agree. I need to hold it back.

I think the people who think that, I think that's an unnecessarily cynical way of looking at it. I mean, just while we've been sitting here, there's been three updates. Wow. Yeah. Do these have patch notes? Can you see what the update?

What version are we up to by now, by the way? Yeah, yeah. 69 million. Version 69 million. Yeah. 0.0.1. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, look, there's an update just then.

Just then while we were talking about the updates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fourth one in the last couple of minutes. Wow, wow, wow. That update is, I'll just check the notes for that. Oh, this update, make sure that the names are right. Ah, that's, I mean, they've been coming under fire for that. Yeah. It's taken them a long time to get around to patching that in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and look, to be honest, I thought they should have worked on that patch before now. I don't even think it should have been a patch. I think it should have just been in the software when it launched. Right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, I don't know.

I don't know technology that well. Right. So, look, there's another update there right now. Well, apparently there's been a virus for quite a while. Oh, no. Oh, apparently there's been a virus for quite a while. Oh, no. Oh, right. Okay. So there's been a virus for ages that has – now, this is weird.

It's been adding the word comedy to the end of people's names. Right. Yeah, right. That's weird. That is weird. I haven't actually – I mean, I don't know. Did they need to patch this? To be honest, I haven't noticed anything like that.

Look, a lot of that stuff, you know, just sort of, you know, it goes over your head because, like I said, I'm no tech whiz kid or anything like that. You and I, it's not like – neither of us know code. Like, you know, we're not reading HTML or anything. Is that Linux? Is that what that is? Probably like if you're a real back-end guy,

you're probably aware of this. But to a couple of, you know, lay people like us. A couple of rubes. A couple of hayseeds. We don't know any better. That's just zeros and ones to me. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Well, I appreciate it. I'm sure it does something in the long run, but anyway. All right. Cool. Anyway. Let's take these five most recent updates for a spin and see what we got.

Let's jump in before there's another update. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Zach Gomez. Zach Gomez. I believe I have, Zach Gomez. Zach Gomez. I believe I have met Zach Gomez. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, you'd remember with a name like that. Yeah.

He came to the LA show. Oh. If I'm thinking of the same guy. Really? Yeah. Is he a Californian or a traveler? He's a Californian. I think he traveled from, I want to say maybe San Francisco.

He's a very nice guy. He does some illustrations. He's bought both of my comic books from me and been very nice about them. Boy, I hope I actually have the right guy. I hope you don't. I hope this guy's just getting a new fucking identity. And meanwhile, the guy who I think this is, he's listening to this going, well, this is bullshit.

Yeah, Yeah. Zach, he sounds like he should be in a band. It sounds like a fucking band dude name. He was a, yeah, he's a very nice guy. Yeah. He's a very good bass player as well, I believe. Right. According to me.

According to you. Right. Yeah. What do you think makes a good bass player? I have no idea. You know what? I used to think, before I got into comedy, I thought if I was ever in a band, I'd be a bass player because it's just unassuming.

I don't want to get any attention or anything like that. Right. And I decided to be front and centre and be a stand-up comic. Yes, yes. Which then I went, okay, well, maybe that's not me after all. And if you don't want to be front and centre, I would argue that the drums is the one for that because you're right up the back and you're hidden by symbols so people can't really see you.

Yeah. But even then, I was like, nah, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be a drummer. Right. I know you like the drums. You're looking at my drum kit right now. Yeah, well, I'm looking at a quarter of your apartment right now being taken up by them, but yeah.

I don't think I've ever cared about anything as much as I care about this drum kit that I have. Really? Do you play them all the time? I play them a fair bit, yeah. Really? Yeah. Because it's like electronic drum kit.

Is that right? So I play with headphones on. So when you play right now, to me it sounds like absolute shit. You're just hitting stools. You're just hearing someone bashing rubber. Yeah. But you get the head. Yes.

That's what you hear when you go past my joint later. Hey. Because I have a drum kit as well. Hey, I heard one of my neighbours in this building having intercourse the other night. What sort? Raw dog. Could you tell if it was anal or? How thin are the walls? How thin are the back walls?

And then the next day In the car park She's like I I heard you I've been able to hear you Playing the drums a bit Had a bit of a dig

Like what I've been hearing a bit of I've been hearing a bit of Pounding of skins myself If you know what I'm saying I think By the way I'm whispering this

Because we're in my apartment Yeah I think you've heard someone else Having a bit of a dig as well. I mean, that's brazen, isn't it? Wow. Speaking of my neighbours in this apartment building, I've moved in here, what, like nearly a month ago now. Just to give a bit of context, what's the exact address?

Number 69, Anal Street. Right. Oh, wow. In what suburb? Up the arse. I got a note in my letterbox the other day saying we're having a – from a neighbour saying like, oh, we're having a housewarming on Saturday starting about this time.

I hope it doesn't get too loud. Oh, I thought it was an invite. Feel free to come. No, it was feel free to come around. Oh, okay. So I go around. I thought this would be interesting. Meet the neighbours.

Yeah. Who do you think was in there? Oh, no. Fuck. Well, the people that you ran into. They got the complaint. No, no, no. Different.

Different. Oh, so someone I know. Yeah. Oh, fucking hell. Give me one clue. Okay, I'll give you one clue. It was Dilrick Jones, the one-year-old baby who lives in the apartment next to me. Yeah. Oh, fucking hell. Give me one clue. Okay, I'll give you one clue. It was Dilruch Jones, the one-year-old baby who lives in the apartment next to me.

Now, people have been wondering. I haven't talked about Dilruch Jones for a little while. Wow. People thought I'd forgotten all about him. And, you know, I knew I was moving and it made me too sad to talk about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So he worked out where I was and then he saw an opening in the building. Right.

And he, and he's moved in. So he's. Hang on, hang on, hang on. So Dillard Jones, the one year old baby. Yes. We used to, we were talking about him a bit, a couple of months ago. He lived next door to me at my old house. I would, he was kind of a bit of a Wilson figure to me. Yes.

So I would go out into the backyard when I had kind of moral quandaries that I needed help with. Yes. And he would sort of like look over the fence and dispense life advice to me. Sort of like goo-goo-ga-ga, that sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And whereas you were on the other side of the fence being a bit of a tool man. Yes.

With, you know, that's not a reference to home improvement. Just, yeah, just that's what you were being. It's a bit of a reference to what was going on in the apartment next to me the other night. Did you hear about him? So, Gerard Jones, we haven't heard from him for a while. No, no, he's back. He's back.

Hang on, but just to be clear. Yes. One-year-old baby. Yes. Dilrub Jones, a one-year-old baby has moved in next door to the next apartment next to you by himself? By himself. He's moved out.

He's moved out? He's flown the coop. At one? Yeah. His parents, so his parents still live back near my old house. And so, yeah, he was ready to, you know, he was ready to leave the nest. And so, hang on, was it random that he chose next to you or was it, he wanted to follow you? He wanted to follow me.

Yeah, he knew where I was. That's potentially weirder than a one-year-old baby moving out by itself. I know. I'm a little, I'm feeling a little threatened. Is that like the opposite of pedophilia where a baby is really attracted to a grown-up? Now, again, we're in the middle of a six-month ban on this topic. That's why I'm not talking about it. I'm talking about the opposite. I'm doing the right thing.

I'm doing the exact right thing by doing the opposite of it. You're talking about philipedia. Yes. Philipedia. Where a young baby seduces an old man. You're a Mr. Robinson in this case. But no, it was great housewarming and it was great because I didn't know until he surprised, you know, it was all part of the surprise.

He didn't let me know that he was moving in. So I walk in there and he's just there surrounded by all the other people that live in our building. And he had more furniture in his house than you've got in yours? He's got cups. He's got cups already. Jesus. They're little sippy cups with a little straw thing on the top of them.

But still he can. Like bottles. He's got bottles in the property as well. Yeah, he's got bottles. Right, right. Wow. Well, great to hear him back in the, you know, back in the… He's back in the mix.

In the world of this podcast. I mean, I hope to finally meet him one day. So now that he's, you know, now that he's next door, I'm sure there'll be all sorts of wonderful adventures that I'll be… Yeah. …cooking up, you know, during the week, not thinking of them, you know, two minutes before we record or anything like that. Why would you bring that up?

No, no, awful. I mean, hopefully I'll get to meet him. I didn't get to meet him in the old house. So now that he's out on his own and maybe not hanging out with his parents all the time, he's got a bit more time I might get to meet him. I wonder if you'll ever meet him and I wonder if we'll ever trust ourselves enough for him to appear at a live show. You mean I wonder if we'll ever trust someone else?

I wonder if we'll ever have enough faith in that, in the concept of that happening. You mean – To sign off on it. Yeah. I mean, I assume you mean whether you would trust a one-year-old baby to be confident enough to be on stage. Yes.

And not what I immediately thought, which was a friend of ours to prepare something. No. I mean, again, I don't know why you would even bring that up. Yeah, I don't know either. Yeah. Sorry. I withdraw that statement.

Thanks, Zach. Yep. Thanks, Zach. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Chris Beeth. Beeth? Beeth. Have you ever heard of such a name? I don't like it.

Yeah. B-E-E-T-H? B-E-E-T-H. B-E-A-T-H. Beef. Beef. Yeah. That's a rough one. Where's the beef?

E-beef-er. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is a rough one. I've got to be honest, Carl. I don't know how I feel about it. I reckon we can circle it. I reckon we can get something out of it.

It's weird sounding. It's dull. It doesn't... There's no... You know what it sounds to me like? It sounds to me like a knock-off of the great of my favourite Leonardo DiCaprio movie, The Beef.

Oh, yep. When they go to PP Island. No, you said a knock-off of your favourite Leonardo. So the movie is The Beach. Yes. You said it sounds like a knock-off of this And then you just said the original thing Wasn't his movie called The Beach? No no no it's called The Beach Oh okay alright

Right because they were on the beach Yeah yeah yeah Right okay alright I wondered why That's gotta be the laziest name because it's based on a book Yeah The laziest fucking You couldn't spend five more seconds working on the title.

Well – The Beach. That's like knocking a lot of autobiography titles, you know, like Tommy Daslow. Yeah, well, it's about you. I don't have an autobiography. Well, that's an example if you had one, but a lot of people have autobiographies. It's just called by their own name. Yeah, and again, that's the same – that's lazy as well.

That's in the same category. Well, what's worse, having something that's just absolutely effective in telling you what it is, or one of these fucking stupid titles where it's like To Kill a Mockingbird. It's like, there's no fucking mockingbird in there. What the fuck are you talking about? Why is that better?

So what do you think that book should have been called? No, I'm going to pass on that. Okay. I'm going to have a rare moment of good choice and pass on that. I would like to re-watch the film The Beach. Me too. I really like it. Yeah.

People don't like it. Don't they? I remember when it came out. The people have read the book. Is that why? It is very different to the book. Right. Have you read the book?

Oh, I don't think so. I got a copy right here. Really? For you, pal. I'm grabbing my nuts right now. What? No, the book is good. Yeah, I think the movie's great.

I think it came at a time when people kind of started to turn on DiCaprio. I remember he did like three films in a year. Right. But people kind of hated all of them. They were like, this cunt. Right. Because he was trying to like break out of the teen heartthrob kind of thing. Right.

Even though that is still very much him. He's just on a beach with no shirt on. Right. For the whole thing. But. I wouldn't mind getting onto it again because obviously it's, it was filmed in PP Island, wasn't it? Yeah.

It's off PP. Yeah. I went to the bit where they filmed. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can go like a day trip across there. Yeah, yeah. I need to, I need to have a look because that'll get me all revved up to maybe, you know, go somewhere

again. Oh, yeah. Go to the beach in question. That would be pretty great if we could try and hold the next podcast festival on the beach from the beach. Oh. It's, yeah, I wouldn't do it. We recreate it.

Yeah. We get fucking gunned down in a drug field. They've cut down all the tourism of PP Island at the moment. Oh, really? Yeah, because there was all these bad pictures online of like just too many people going there. Like it was crazy. Really? It was fucking chockers.

Right. Full of people that wanted to visit where the beef was filmed. Right. So, yeah. Crazy. Yeah. So, they've cut it way back, I believe. Trying to let the The natural environment

Sort of recover and whatever Right It reminds me I started following a bunch of Thailand Places before the festival A lot of Thai newspapers Or news sources And stuff like that

You've got to get onto some of them Fucking hell There's a Koh Samui Times Or something that It's just like It's not particularly Koh Samui related. It's just a lot of Thailand stuff. What if they have an arts editor?

We should try and get reviewers in. Yeah. That's how we do the podcast. Yeah. No, totally. We've got to get on the radio station to start with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The radio station.

That's got to happen. The radio station is such a good idea. Yeah, yeah. Totally. That's genuinely disappointing that we came up with that a week after getting back from this year. Yeah. That's so disappointing that we didn't think of that before. Hey, it gives us something next year.

I'm fine with that. Next year, we've got something new. But if you follow this stuff like a couple of times, it's like they're off their fucking head. It's all this news where it's like, honestly, one of the constant stories that just keeps coming up is like people dying in Kot Tao, which is about two hours away on a boat.

And it's just constantly this guy editorializing it by going, yeah, another one dying in Koh Tao. Well, obviously another murder. Everyone that goes to Koh Tao gets murdered. Oh, so there's rivalry in the way that like, you know, people will do gigs in Melbourne City and hang shit on Frankston and stuff. Yeah, yeah, mate. That's great.

Getting up in Samoan and doing a bit of local. Yeah. So all the fucking inbreds over in Coe Town. Yeah. But it's not that. It's like, oh, all the fucking murderers over there. Yeah. Because it's like really, like the story goes,

it's like it's a bit fucking cowboy over there and people are just getting off left, right and centre like tourists. So, or whether that's just the Koh Samui times, just making sure no one goes over there. Sounds great. I might head over after we do our thing next year. Oh, man. What a way to go out. I've been there and it just gives me a bit of a fright thinking what I did when I was

there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was walking around in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, like just fucking being really stupid. You need to not know that. You sort of need to not know that stuff, I think. You need that kind of ignorance. Yeah. But apparently it's all like – you know, we talked before about, you know,

people saying, oh, yeah, the bars in Koh Samui will be mafia run and that. But I believe that not to be the case. But over there, I believe it to be the case. Right, right, right. Yeah. So we won't – I don't't think I'm not planning on doing any Roadshow gigs in Kotow Put it that way

Right okay Unless we get You know Big bucks Yeah Unless we get a big mafia bucks Yeah Fuck that'd be good

Imagine us In cahoots with the Thai mafia Oh yeah yeah And getting big bucks So like it translates into like 30 dollars Australian Yeah yeah yeah Well

Thanks Beef Thanks Beef We got there. Yeah. We did it. The Beef. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Frank Pulaski III. I know Frank.

I don't know him personally. No, you know him. I think I'm friends with him on Facebook. Yeah, I am too. Yeah. Yeah. He's, I believe, a Hawaiian. I believe that too.

Yeah, yeah. Let's find out if we're wrong. I believe, a Hawaiian. I believe that too. Yeah, yeah. Let's find out if we're wrong. I believe he's Hawaiian. He's the, and I also believe, and I'll try and confirm this later, that there are two other people called Frank Pulaski before him. Right, right, right, right. I'll check on that though. But from Hawaii.

And he's been a listener for many years. Right, right, right. I'll check on that though. But from Hawaii. And he's been a listener for many years. Yeah, he's an old – yeah, he's a long time, long time supporter. I've seen him on the social for years, on the socials. Because I think he's done – isn't he like a videographer or something? I've seen him do videos for like Paul F. Tompkins and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was an early enough listener where it was like genuinely surprising that we had Americans that listened to that.

Yes, yes. First of all, anyone random that we didn't know and then that came from another part of the world was like fucking hell. Yeah, yeah. That reminds me, share that to all the people that recently came along to our live Patreon, sneaky secret Patreon read show that we did. A bunch of people that came along to our stand-up. A lot of people that I hadn't met before. A bunch of people that came along to our stand up. A lot of people

that I hadn't met before. A lot of people that I believe hadn't maybe been to our shows and stuff before. A lot of people like travelling for There were a few people

that travelled for that. That was cool. And a lot of people that came up and said oh we just got we got into it six months ago or a year ago and we've listened to

four hundred episodes in you know whatever it is. So yeah. Hey, appreciate it. It's always nice to hear those stories. Yeah. Nice to meet people.

Yeah. But we've never met Frank Pulaski though. I don't think we've met Frank. Well, not the original and not the second one. I know that. Third one, I'm also pretty sure we haven't. I wonder if Frank – I don't know if Frank has children but I wonder – Yes. What do you think if he has a kid,

do you reckon he's going to get the fourth one going? Well, look, nothing against Frank Pulaski, because he's been a listener for a long time. But you're going along with the name Frank, and you're going, well, this has got to happen again. Frank's not the best name going around.

I think it's pretty good. I like it. It's okay. But it's not like, best name going around. I think it's pretty good. I like it. It's okay. But it's not like, I don't know. We know a guy in LA whose name is Frank. Yes. And he's like 26 or something. Yeah, that's odd.

That blew us away. That's the thing. You should only be able to get the name Frank once you turn 40. It's like a… That's true though. Your name should change every decade of your life. That should be like the finger up the bum test. Right.

Once you turn 40, get that done and now you've got your option to change your name to Frank. I honestly think every decade you should be allowed to – you should not just be allowed to, you should have to change your name. Reapply for your driver's license or reapply for your name? Yeah. Right. That would be cool.

What would you apply for? In your 30s? What do you think you're – Yeah. You think Tommy's a bit young now? Yeah. Or would you change your last name again or – I'd go back to Allsop.

Right. And go with what is a first name? What would I go with as a first name? What's a good name for your 30s? Do you go... Vinny. Vinny Allsop. That's not bad.

That's good. So you've kept the sort of Italian sort of flavor for your first name and got rid of it in your last name. Yeah. All right. That's good. Vinny Allsop. Vinny Allsop.

Vinny Allsop. What would you have done at 40? Vinny Allsop. What, first name or last name? Both. You can change the whole thing I'll keep Chandler Because I haven't changed that Okay

Before I feel like It's a bit weird to change that First name First name Well I've always thought I've always liked Carl as a name But then People have said to me

No we think of Carl As like some Shit name Like Whenever you see a dickhead In like an American comedy They're called Carl I agree

Fuck I've never seen it like that Anyway that's Carl with a C So fuck them. First name. So I need an older name for What about this? Chet. Chet Chandler.

Go American. Chet. That sounds ridiculous. Chet Chandler. Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet Chandler. It is weird though when you see people who have a kid where they've given it a first name that just like does not roll into their surname at all. I always find that strange. How do you look at a baby looking up at you with its eyes not even open

and call it fucking Frank? Chet's good. I might – okay, I'm going to go for Chet when I hit 40. But you'll be 50 by then so it won't matter. All right. I was going to say, we're both going to be Chet. This is going to be confusing. No, because we – do we overlap? We don't matter. All right. I was going to say, we're both going to be Chet. This is going to be confusing. No, because we,

do we overlap? We don't overlap. I think you turn, you would turn 50 and then I would, and then a few months later I would turn 40. Okay. All right.

Well, good. Well, I'm glad there's nothing in the way of that plan. So there'll be no overlap where we both have the name Chet. Easy. You would have moved on to like fucking Morris.

So I'll, you'll be Morris Chandler and then I'll be, no, I'll be Ernie. Chet, Ernie, Ernie Chandler and then I'll be Chet... Ernie Chandler and Chet Dasolo.

40 and 50 year old men still doing a podcast. Great. Great. If we're still doing it by that time, we deserve to fucking get new shit names. And I can't wait for the fans to be holding us to account. Frank Pulaski will be on it. He's been there since day one. Frank's a lif will be on it. He's been there since day one.

Frank loves it. Frank's a lifer at this point. He's not going anywhere. Yep. Yep. All right. Well, thanks, Frank. Yep.

By then, I'll have a kid and I'll name it. It'll be stuck with Chet Chandler II, even though there won't be a Chet Chandler I at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sick. That's awesome. All right. Great.

Perfect. The perfect plan. Thanks, Frank. Thanks, Frank III. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Thank you to... Great, perfect, the perfect plan Thanks Frank Thanks Frank the third Thank you to Patreon subscriber Thank you to Melissa Shook Oh I'm shook, you know how people say that?

No, that's the thing that people say When they say like, if something's been Shocking to them, it's like, oh I'm shook No, I've never heard that one It's a pretty recent one Well I've heard it now I've never heard that one. It's a pretty recent one. Yeah, okay. Well, I've heard it now. I've never heard that as a surname. Melissa Shook.

Yeah. I'm going to say it's a weird one. It is a weird one. It's weird to have a name that's an action. Yeah, or a past action. Like Melissa Shake. Yeah. It's not in the now.

She's stuck in the past. Yeah, get over not in the now. She's stuck in the past. Yeah, get over it. All right. You know, I'm a bit more, I'd be a bit more into it if her name was Melissa Shaking, you know? Oh, yeah. Current. Yeah.

Not this old news. I like the idea of Melissa Shake. It just sounds good. Sounds like something they'd have at fucking Boost. It'd be the name of the banana one at Boost or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, because Melissa sounds like young, maybe like a kid. Maybe that would be at Wendy's. It'd be some sort of real sugary.

The Melissa shake. Yeah, yeah. That'd be some tie-in with some sort of teen drama that's going on at the time or something. Yeah. It would be in a Melissa shake. It'd have to be, because Melissa sounds a bit young and a bit like the movie Clueless or something. Yeah. It would be in a Melissa shake. It'd have to be – because Melissa sounds a bit young and a bit like the movie Clueless or something like that. Okay.

So what, a few DVDs of Clueless just ground up and put in there? No. No, I didn't mean that at all. I meant the vibe of it, not the actual contents of it. Okay. Well, a shake is already a predominantly like a young food. Strawberry to start with. What's happened with this rebrand where they're trying to make milkshakes

into this cool adult drink? Like all burger shops are like into their milkshakes now and calling them concretes and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of grown men getting obsessed with milkshakes. Yeah, I love milkshakes. It's a fucking children's drink. But that's the thing about tradies though,

about guys going out on construction sites That are always like Oh yeah get my big M And it's like What? That's for little kids Yeah yeah yeah That's like you hope to get that in your lunch order

When you're six With your fucking sausage roll I just don't like this thing Like do what you want And be into whatever you're into But when people try and give it a bit of a Give the thing that they're into A bit of a rebrand

It's like no no Don't try and tell me this is like a cool adult drink for tough men, Nick Cody. It's a fucking child's beverage and that's fine. Just be okay with drinking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to start levelling personal attacks against people that we know on this show every week. Good.

If anything reminds you of someone that you know associated with them, it lets the listener understand a bit more because they're a bit lost thinking about what's the problem with the milkshakes? And then you say, Nick Cody, I get it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great too. Like Nick comes in and does this show, this episode

that people just heard. Yeah. Gives up his time to come and do it. Yeah. And then listens back and then after he's left, I'm just sitting here fucking trash talking. Yeah. It's a good power move by me. Yeah. And then listens back and then after he's left I'm just sitting here fucking trash talking. Yeah. It's a good power move by me.

Yeah. No, I'm on board. I understand it because, you know, Nick Cody brands himself as the big loose unit

who then drinks fucking raspberry cordial or whatever the fuck he's doing. It's like, no, it's manly because I had three of them

with some fried chicken. It's like, you're just eating like a baby. Yeah. Yeah. And he's only just got his license. So before, you know, he was going around calling himself the fucking loose unit that rides a bike and drinks fucking strawberry quick.

Oh, my God. Move over, Keith Richards. Fucking hell. There's a new man in town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, he, yeah, driving with him is very funny.

Yeah, driving with him is very funny. He took me for a ride recently and he was just like already teeing off about people on the road. No, no. And I'm like, you've already done eight things since I got in the car that are absolutely horrific. He's a very quick adapter. He's got the licence and he's carrying on like it's like, ah, driving. Driving's like this.

Is it from the three times you've gotten a car? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where did you get your license, mate? Two days ago? I've had mine for nearly a week. Well, thanks, Melissa. Yep, thanks, Melissa. Thanks, Melissa Shook.

And thanks, Nick. Thanks, Nick Cody, for doing our show and being our friend. Yeah, and for all you've done for the dairy industry. Yep. Yep. our friend. Yeah. And for, you know, all you've done for the dairy industry. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay. Let's –

Let's do – I'm a bit – I'm a bit disappointed in myself that I've – Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. I've just got to tell you this. Sorry. Yeah. I've just loaded up one and now there's a lengthy update or whatever.

So it's going to take ages to get to the next one. So we might have to stop at this one because there's an hour update coming. Right. I also had a good reason for why we should stop after this one. But no, that's fine. I can save that for another time. Why would you save a reason to finish? No real reason.

Okay, good. All right. Well, we don't need to hear about it. Okay. Can't wait to hear about this one in the car park tomorrow morning. What? From my neighbour. Oh, okay.

All right. Yep. Thank you to – Now, this is confusing. Okay. Okay. What's confusing about it? Well, I guess you'll hear.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Rick Astley Comedy. Right. That is, I agree with you. That is very confusing. That's very confusing. Yes. Well, I mean, A, I thought I had the update. I thought I had the update.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe, well, maybe I do have the update and this person's last name really is... Oh, you know what's happened. What? I'd love to know what's happened. Rick Ashley Coney, you know what's happened. We've been everything is Rickrolled. That's what's happened here, Tommy.

That's the answer of what's happened, Tommy. Right. Right. Okay. We've been punked by the fucking unplanned title alternate. I have nothing to say and there's no need to say anything. It's perfect as it is. Alright. That's good then.

It's a wild ride using this fucking bit of machinery. It really is. I feel like have you noticed that we each week we seem to be spending more and more time talking about the machine itself. It's kind of starting to dominate most of the conversation. It's a fucking good ad for it. It is a really good ad for it. Isn't it?

People can, we haven't mentioned this, but if people go onto the Unplanned Title Alternator website and they want to download the software, they can get a discount through the show. If you put in the code word Hughes, you get 69% off. Right. Yeah. No, we haven't mentioned that because I didn't know that. Right. Why don't we do that?

We should do that. Yeah. Well, we're getting paid by them to say this. Okay. Right. Great. Great. That's good.

And what's that website again? Tommy? UnplannedTitle title alternator.com. Oh, okay. Right. That makes sense. Well, what else would it be? Well, I don't know. I thought I'd ask because you seem to have all the answers.

All right. Great. All right. No worries. So people can go to that. Yep. All right. Great.

Well, thanks, Rick. Yep. Thanks, Rick. Thanks, Rick Astley Comedy. Yep. Thanks, Rick Astley Comedy, if that is your real name. Yeah. I'm starting to think we've been, you know, taking the mickey out of But anyway, we'll see I don't like being made a fool of, but anyway

Not happy Well, you know what? It's just lucky that this update that's going through at the moment Yep Is, I believe is supposed to get rid of all sort of punked Oh, great Things happening to us. So we're not going to – yeah, okay.

So this will never happen again is what you're saying? Well, that's the plan. And the comedy last names, they're also gone forever. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's what I said. I can only go off the updates that are popping up on my screen. Great, great. All right.

Well, thanks everyone who supports the show on Patreon, littledumbdumbclub.com if you want a link to the Patreon. If you want to get a ticket to a live show, we've got, once again, Brisbane, October the 21st, Melbourne, October the 27th, Perth, November the 18th. They're all going to be heaps of fun. We will see you back here next week for another new episode. But, yeah, take care of yourselves, everyone.

And we're on the socials. We've got T-shirts to sell on the website, so go and have a look. Hit us're on the socials. We've got t-shirts to sell on the website, so go and have a look. Hit us up on the socials. Always happy to – people send us messages. Always happy to send one back. And always putting up new content on the socials, so have a look at that. But that's about it. Yep.

All right. See you, mates.