The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 411 - Glenn Robbins & Dave O'Neil

Episode Date: August 22, 2018

Hey ****s! DAVE O'NEIL is back and he's brought along his old buddy GLENN ROBBINS! We chat about Dave's pilot for Channel Ten and brainstorm some characters that we could play in future episodes. We also hear about the submission process for Full Frontal from back in the day, PLUS Glenn's brought cakes and we invent a great new game! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:BRISBANE: We're heading back to do our 2018 stand-up shows back-to-back PLUS a huge live podcast! OCTOBER 21.MELBOURNE: We're doing a huge live episode PLUS a roast! OCTOBER 27.PERTH: We're heading back for our annual huge day of stand-up and podcasting! NOVEMBER 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with special guests Dave O'Neill and Glenn Robbins. But before we get into the episode, we've got to let you know about some big, big live shows we have coming up Sunday, October the 21st. We are in Brisbane at the Triffid, 1pm in the afternoon, kicking off. It is a huge show, us doing both of our solo shows back to back, then a huge live podcast with some special guests.

That is going to be heaps of fun. Carl, what have we got coming up after that? We have got, the very next weekend, we've got our live podcast in Adelaide, in Melbourne. That's right. We've moved our Adelaide show to Melbourne so we can finally get a big official Adelaide in Melbourne. That's right. We've moved our Adelaide show to Melbourne so we can finally get a big official Adelaide live podcast with lots of people buying tickets in advance and just a huge amount of people. So that is on Saturday, October the 27th at 8pm. It's a Saturday night, so there's no excuse not to come along and absolutely pack that

one out. That's going to be an absolutely huge one at the Comic Sans in North Melbourne. Plus, we're doing a roast. Yes. On the same night as part of that ticket. So, it'll be a live pod and a roast. Unrecorded roast. Unrecorded roast, yeah.

If you want to hear that, there's no way to hear it but to be there. So, come along and do that. That's going to be huge, especially if you are from Adelaide. Why not go to your own live podcast? If you're from Adelaide, come over to Melbourne. It's your night, guys. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Come and see what a big Adelaide live podcast. If you're from Adelaide, come over to Melbourne. It's your night, guys. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Come and see what a big Adelaide live podcast looks like. It'll be easy for you. All you have to do is walk down the street to the airport, hop on a plane, and then you'll be there. Just keep walking up and down the aisle of the plane and then walk out straight to North Melbourne. And look, you've got your own VIP section at the show as well. If you can prove you're from Adelaide, it's going to be heaps of fun.

And then the last one for the year, Tommy. November the 18th, Sunday, November the 18th in Perth, our regular visit to the West Coast, always a big highlight on the Dum Dum calendar. It's the same deal as Brisbane, so it's the two live stand-up shows back-to-back plus we have a live podcast. If you've been to them before, you'll know that we bring over some great special guests. Always a huge afternoon.

So, yeah, we're looking forward to seeing the WA contingent out in full force yet again. Always very well attended, those shows. And we're in a slightly smaller venue than usual. So, don't delay. Don't sleep on it. There's no open spaces. Yeah. So, yeah, look, this will fill up.

Yeah. So, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to all of that stuff. We will be back at the end of the episode with the Patreon read, Talking Dumb Dumb segment of the show. But until then, enjoy this episode with Dave O'Neill and Glenn Robbins. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Should we just get our guests in? Please. Do we want to dick around? We've got no dicking around to do. We'll dick around with our guests. Why would we?

Yeah. Given that I know that one of them will definitely not be silent while we try and do any kind of intro. He's got a hate crime just burbling up inside his throat, wanting to burst out. There we go. Dave O'Neill and Glenn Robbins. Yeah.

That's my catchphrase, Glenn, on this show, hate poof. Is it? Yeah, last time I came with Dave Hughes, he was very offended and thought he'd get in the paper, in the telegraph, because I was being homophobic. So if you want to distance yourself from me right now. Yeah, exactly. offended and thought he'd get in the paper, in the telegraph, because I was being homophobic. So if you want to distance yourself from me right now. Yeah, exactly.

I don't know why. Stop bringing on high-profile guests. Was it in terms of Burt Newton's? Well, no, I've been to it for years. Yeah, Burt ripped him off. Yeah. Oh, okay. But I love that Burt used it.

Dave started saying it back when no one listened to us and thought he could get away with it. And now he doesn't realise that now people listen to us and he's kept saying it back when no one listened to us and thought he could get away with it. And now he doesn't realise that now people listen to us and he's kept saying it. So he's just waiting to get in trouble. You know you're in trouble when it all happened in the street. To you. Yeah. No, guys have said it to me before in the street.

Even before the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing to do with that? No, no, to do with the podcast. Oh, to do with the podcast. Because I like what I like about it is that it feels like when you started doing it, you were saying it to us.

Like me and Carl were the poofs. But now it's like you're saying it to the whole audience. I will. Everyone who listens is a poof. I told you I was in band style and this guy comes up and he goes, hey, mate. I'm like, yeah, g'day. And he goes, no, hey, mate.

I went, oh, you're a dum-dum fan. And I go, but that's not what I say. He goes, oh, yeah, sorry, hey, poof. But I said, you know, in the 70s. That was the Lord Mayor, wasn't it? Bob from Bairdstow. Anyway, in the 70s and the 80s, we would use it as a term of endearment to our mates.

Did you really? I think you're rewriting history. Yes, yes. Yeah. Would you also throw stuff at people from passing cars out of an act of endearment? No. That's a great, instead of drunk history,

you've got revisionist history where you just get a comedian gets blind drunk and goes, in the 70s, we used to do all this fucked stuff all the time. Then you've got the doco footage of O'Neill actually punching an effeminate man in the head. I've never been in a fight in my life, so I wouldn't do that. Oh, nice. I'm not a fighter.

Are you a fighter, Glenn? Well, I did do martial arts for a while. Oh, did you? So don't move suddenly because I'll take you out. Which one? And I came home one day and the girls were having dinner. I went, you know what? I could actually hit you with my foot now.

And the girls went, ooh. I went, oh, that doesn't sound good. So I keep quiet about it. Which one? Which what? Which martial art? Karate or judo or? Did you get a belt?

Was there a belt situation? No, it was old man stuff. We were all aged. Do you not know the name of the martial art that you learnt? Well, it was kung fu, but I don't know which one. There's all ones that sound like a menu, don't they? There's a whole lot of different belts. Hang on, how long ago did you do it?

Tongue, toe. Like you drop something. The noise that cut belts tongue toe like you drop the noise that cutlery makes when you drop something in the kitchen tongue plong pow ting hot plow

this is up there with hey poops this is good stuff hey hey Saturday the podcast so when did you how long ago did you do it

you know the hey hey Saturday office is just a street over it is yeah you already knew that yeah yeah yeah

that's why he moved here that's why he moved here to pitch ideas. Daryl Summers still has an office there. Yeah. But it's accommodation now. It's a block of flats, isn't it? Yeah, he's got one of the flats. That would be weird.

That would be great. You don't have an office, Daryl. You're the gardener, all right? And as I heard on Tony Martin's podcast, he's putting all of the Daryl Summers show up on YouTube. Oh, have you seen it? Yes. And I happened to pull up one to just go through it

and it's my very first television appearances in it. Really? I'm not telling you what one because I don't want to make it easy for you because I don't want anyone to see it. Is it stand-up? It's a character thing that I did in stand-up that they got me to come and do on the show. Right, right. And I couldn't stand to watch it.

I had to turn it off. And were you, so did it bring you back? Were you super excited when it was your first? Oh, yeah. That was a big deal. Yeah. Because back then, there was nowhere to go. Yeah.

You'd do Le Joke and if you did really well, you would go downstairs. So Le Joke was a comedy club. Comedy club. Yeah. Upstairs in Collingwood. A smaller one, yeah. go downstairs so Le Joke was a comedy club comedy club upstairs in Collingwood a smaller one smaller one and it was a great room so I did my first ever gig yeah

and then downstairs was the cabaret the theatre restaurant room last last so that was as far as you could go yep and then television was

well the Ray Martin midday show oh you go on that yeah I went on midday I went on midday that I went on Midday. That was in Sydney or something. Yeah, if I'm signing up for that.

Ross Daniels was a warm-up man. Yeah, and I did it and eight people were asleep. I swear that. I swear. Yeah. I died. Because it was the Midday Show, so it was a lot of older folk in the audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then Hey Hey Saturday sort of started doing comedy acts and then they... No, sorry, Daryl Summers did a Tuesday night show which was on Tuesday night, 9.30. There was no set, just a carpeted rise. The photos are amazing. If you go to Tony Martin's Twitter feed, it's incredible. Now, what is he doing? Is he...

Because whenever I talk to Tony Martin, he denies black and blue that he's got anything to do with IMDb, but there is no other explanation for watching every episode of the Daryl Summers show than to put every bit of detail on IMDb. Apart from some sort of weird masochism part of his brain he's got. But what's your argument?

Well, he must work for IMDb is what I'm trying to say. He denies that he does any work for them. He's a troll. You're saying there's only one person that could possibly know... No, there's only one reason to watch the Daryl Summers show in this day and age. Don't you think? Well, Tony, he's a professor of comedy.

Yes. So therefore he needs to chase every rabbit down every burrow. Right. So I'm not surprised. Right, okay. You think it could be? I lasted, I reckon, two minutes. Right.

But he has a lot of stuff. He used to do all the pot of gold stuff. Yeah. So he's prone to that sort of investigation. Yeah, 70s, 80s TV. What's pot of gold? It was like New Faces. It was a talent show.

Ah, right. Ernie Sigley? Yeah, and who was the nasty guy? Bernard King. Bernard King. He was like the Kyle of the 70s. Right. And he would say, you're rubbish.

You've got no talent. And that's where Paul Hogan started on New Faces. So Red Simons on Hey It's Saturday on Red Faces was sort of the evolution of Bernard King. Yeah, that's right. Yes, exactly. Anyway. What's the current version?

Yeah, what is the current version? Yeah, you guys. Of the nasty person on. Yeah. Well, it's Kyle Sandlin's, I guess, isn't it? I suppose, yeah. Who does those talent shows? Who's a judge on them? Yeah, you guys. Of the nasty person on. Yeah. Well, it's Kyle Sandlin's, I guess, isn't it? I suppose, yeah. Who does those talent shows? Who's a judge on them?

Yeah, probably Kyle. Yeah. No one really gets stuck in in talent shows at the moment, though, is it? Because it was like... It was sort of Dicko, I guess. Yeah, Dicko. Or did Mark Holden be a bit like that? A little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't quite the guy that just comes out and bangs a gong and goes, you suck shit. Yeah, they had two half bad guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like a full committed, yeah. Yeah, yeah, totally.

That's true. But Dicko always maintained that he would be the first person to say to these kids that can't sing, that have put out albums, had singing lessons, he'd be the first person to actually say to their face, you can't sing. You're not going to have a career. Right. They'd all start crying and stuff. He's like, well, someone should have told you.

Right. Your parents should have told you. Well, speaking of old shows,'d all start crying and stuff he's like well someone should have told you your parents should have told you well speaking of old shows and so this will be this is something that someone's just informed me about now you worked on Full Frontal yeah I worked with Glenn Glenn were you on Full Frontal as well

at the time absolutely that's a very proud yes there did I work with you yes we wrote together I get a bit blurry around that time right okay he was on doing a bit of drugs

that was your drinking years yeah I was in my martial arts years where I was off in Thailand doing a whole lot of weird shit. How long ago did you do martial arts? I only stopped about three years ago because there was an incident. Oh. What, in the class? Well, your teacher went to you because you didn't know the name of the thing you were learning?

That's not sweet and sour. Well, yeah. No, someone got their jaw broken just after I left. Oh. Someone what? Well, one of the guys that turned up was an Olympian, taekwondo, and he got in the ring with someone who wasn't taekwondo and instead of zigging, he zagged and broke his jaw.

Oh, wow. And I went, I'm not coming anymore. Well, that's a great way to describe it. I don't go anymore because there was an incident. I'm like, oh, did you karate chop the whole joint down or whatever it is? Like, no, you were running away from the place. I got in the ring with a guy, I reckon he must have been in his late 60s and was just sparring around a bit.

And he was an ex, he must have been some ex-boxer. And we're just tagging. And I'm just hitting him. I'm going, I'm going to kill this guy. So I'm just hitting him Hitting him Hitting him And then he's going That's alright

That's alright And then he gets me in the corner And he beats the crap out of me Was this with Brooksy From the Music Man You remember You know Brooksy Yes

You know the Music Man You guys be a big fan From Hey Hey Saturday They were on Red Faces On Hey Hey Saturday We are the Music Man Look at you He knows the words

He did boxing And he showed me the video and he just gets in the ring and gets knocked out. So he builds up and does all this training for years and then gets in the ring and just some guy recognises him from the music man. Fuck, not you. Bang. Yeah, he just got knocked out. My dad saw Brooksy at the Brighton Yacht Club or something a couple of years ago.

Big fan. I saw your dad there. Yeah, it was you and Brooksy. Yep. Dad loved it. That's the greatest night of dad's life. He sells, last time I spoke to him, he sells storage containers. So shipping containers.

So he goes to industrial areas all around Australia and like 20, 30 years ago, he could knock on the door and say, I'm Brooksy from the Music Men and he'd get through the door. That stopped working about – That should have stopped working three weeks later. But anyway. So you know what he did? He employed Peter Dacos. Oh, the Macedonian marvel.

The Collingwood football player. People that don't follow football, he's an absolute Collingwood legend, and he would just drive around with him, and they'd go to these industrial areas. They'd walk in, and they'd go to the receptionist, hi, we're here to sell you a shipping container. And she'd go, oh, no, we don't need one of those. And then he'd go, tell your boss Peter Dacos is in the foyer.

And he said, not once did it fail. He said the boss would just, blokes would come running from everywhere. Great. I was house hunting recently and, you know, if you go on like domain or realestate.com or whatever, if you like put in for a couple of inspections, all of a sudden you're on some fucking mailing list and you just get dozens and dozens and dozens of automated

from every real estate company like, hey, this one's come up. Even though it's in the opposite area and is three times the cost of what you've been looking at, maybe you'd like to check this one out. And I got one which did actually interest me and it was from Peter Dacos and I went, fuck, is this the same guy like in real estate now but it's not it's this like yeah it's just a coincidence but like that's he's trying to do that he's trying to trade on the name he's using the name to get his foot in the door with rental properties you're going to see that house it'll be a shipping container

so uh uh full frontal yeah i didn't work on Fast Forward. Full Frontal, so a sketch show in the late 80s, early 90s. No, 2000s. No, 90s. Sorry, 90s. It started in 92 or 93. Right. My absolute favourite show as a kid, by the way. Loved it.

Hung out for it. I would have written some of those sketches. You were in Full Frontal, weren't you? Whatever it was, I was doing the comedy company, 88, 89. I then took a year off, sorry to do this, 1990 and then – Did Tony Martin put this together for you at the time? He'll verify. And then I –

What were you doing in the – Fast forward and I was doing a bit of Tonight Live at the same time and then fast forward folded about – It was like 99, 2000 I reckon. Sorry, 90, 90, 90, 90. 90? No, hang on. I was submitting sketches.

I reckon it was 91, 92. Yeah, and then it folded and then Full Frontal came out. So I was to a lesser degree involved with Full Frontal. You used to turn up to the writer's room. I remember writing with you. Yeah, but I was – yeah. But yeah, is that where we met? Yes.

Yeah, and you said you had some poof jokes no no you know what I've told you this before I've never said I don't know if I've

told this story before but the way I got a job on Full Frontal right was that I was doing gigs in the early 90s and we all wanted to

I wanted to write on a sketch show that's what I got into comedy for I love those shows and I wanted to write on them and so Matt

you wanted to write a very sexy Uncle Arthur sort of g'day poofs comedy for. I love those shows and I wanted to write on them. You wanted to write a very sexy Uncle Arthur sort of. G'day, poofs. Anyway.

G'day, you little poofs. What are you doing there? And so we. I'm just jotting that down. And so Matt King

who was a comic around in the 90s who was very good. Great comic. Yeah, yeah. And he's now an actor He's in the Paddington movie

He's a crim in the Paddington movie Anyway He's moved back to England But he was very He's in Peep Show He's in Peep Show He's in Peep Show He did a role recently

In a great series on Netflix It would be great If you could look it up Give Tony a call I highly recommend it Give Tony a call Yeah He

Anyway So he comes He was very happy with himself It's fair Matt was And so He could be listening It doesn't matter When am I going to see Matt King again Yeah He Anyway So he comes He was very happy with himself though It's fair Mac was And so He could be listening It doesn't matter

When am I going to see Mac King again I like how you pull him up For that But not for Hey put The road is already cut Yeah exactly

It's not Glenn's fault Yeah Anyway Matt came to a gig And he goes Yeah I've got I've got a gig Writing on full frontal now Hanging out with You know You know Whoever Blah blah You know Glenn's fault. Anyway, Matt came to a gig and he goes, yeah, I've got a gig writing on Full Frontal now,

hanging out with, you know, whoever, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, I want to do that. How did you get that? And he's like, Glenn Robbins is the key. You know, Glenn Robbins. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had your number because you'd done a stand-up gig for me. I was running a gig.

And I rang you up. And it was in the day of landlines. There were no mobiles. Yeah. And your partner answered the phone. Would I have been? At training. Yeah, because it was an agency.

We ran an agency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I sort of knew her. And I said, oh, g'day, it's Dave O'Neill. And she's like, oh, what do you want? I went, I want to speak to Glenn. She goes, all right, Glenn, Dave O'Neill's on the phone. And you go, you hear you sort of sitting on the couch. What does he want? right. Glenn, Dave O'Neill's on the phone. And you go, he's sort of sitting on the couch.

What does he want? Yeah, yeah. And I go, I want to ask you about writing for Full Frontal. She goes, oh, okay. He wants to ask about writing for Full Frontal. And this is a pause and you go, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. But you were nice.

It was just because you would get people asking you all the time about this stuff. Yeah. Back in the day. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so you got up and you said, oh, good day. Yeah, you were nice. It was just because you would get people asking you all the time about this stuff. Yeah. Back in the day. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so you got up and you said, oh, good day. Yeah, you knew me. And you said, oh, so you've got some sketches.

Don't send me the sketches. I want to read them. Just send me a page of your ideas. I don't want to read them. And I'll hand them on to Doug, the head writer. Yeah. Doug McLeod. And then put your number on there and we'll see what happens.

And so you hand them on to him. He read them and he liked them. He rang me up and gave me a job. Can you remember any of what your sketch ideas were? Yep. The first one I got on was two guys standing, headshots. Like you can't see sort of where they are. And one of them goes, they're at the DSS, like Centrelink basically.

And one of them's going, oh, man, I'm feeling so bad. It's a struggle to get up every morning, and I just don't know what's going to happen to me. I'm just really struggling. I think I picked it. I think I picked it. You picked it. And then the other guy goes, oh, okay.

Well, look, I'm a bit busy, actually. And the guy goes, sorry, mate. Look, your form's okay, and I'll see you in two weeks' time. So the guy was complaining that he was struggling, was working at Centrelink. Ah, the switcheroo. Switcheroo at Centrelink ah the old switcheroo switcheroo very nice

very nice the old switcheroo so yeah that was one of them which actually made it to air so how did the story brief go on that like little piece of paper just like

a guy that works at Centrelink is depressed but we don't find that out until later well he's hard to put it in a paragraph that's very true Glenn hands it in to Doug

and loses his job as a result of putting it in your bar. So it was the show that Matt King was on. Was it called Crispy Duck? Was it called Strike?

Was it called The End of the Fucking World? Yes, The End of the Fucking World. Have you seen it? No. I hear it's good. It's good. I highly recommend it.

Yeah. What's it about? Tim, you read what it's about? Because I forget. It's about a couple of kids, two teenage kids who sort of go off the rails, and it's the mayhem that follows when things start to get – they both run away from home, effectively, and it's what follows when – and Matt King plays the policeman who investigates something

that they did in someone's house, I think. So speaking of – So what are we going to say? Full frontal. We keep on sidetracking. That's fine. So what are we going to say? Full Frontal. Sorry, we keep on side tracking. That's fine. That's what we want. That's all we do.

We're lucky to bring up one main theme. The middle track, yuck. By the way, I have brought cake. Yes. We'll get on the cake after this tiny little bit. Put a pin in that. So you guys worked at Full Frontal. You were writing on Full Frontal.

Now, I heard that – so you're submitting sketches for Full Frontal. I heard there was another famous person. You'd become famous afterwards. I heard there was another famous person that used to submit scripts for Full Frontal, a comedy sketch show. Oh, yeah. Someone that maybe used to live in not as nice of a place as you live now or either of you live now, maybe in Her Majesty's Quarters, maybe, something like that.

Is that true? Are you talking about Julian Knight? Yes. Yeah, the Hoddle Street murderer? Yes. Yeah, he sent sketches in. A guy that's in jail for, what did he do? He killed 11 people?

Yeah. Climbed up on a billboard and got a sniper rifle. And then walked around the railway line. Yeah. Because that's where I live now. Yeah, I know exactly where it is. And he Was submitting sketches To Full Frontal

From prison From prison From prison And I read some And they weren't bad Really Yeah they weren't bad Do you remember any of them

No I don't remember any of them But Because I was a head writer By that stage And they had to Because the guy We came in in the morning The guy goes

Oh I got some really weird Correspondence Carl's cat's just come in Oh what a cute cat. Soaked. Glenn's a cat person. Yeah, a little crunchy. Soaked.

Crunchy. Come on, Crunchy. Where's your mate, Violet Crumble? Anyway, so yeah, and the producer or whoever was reading the mail said, I've got some – and they were all like prison mail. And they were all typed up. Prison stationery and stuff. Yeah, they were all typed up and stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. So, but no, you couldn't possibly – hello, Crunchy. mail like uh and they're all typed up stationery and stuff yeah they're all typed up and stuff yeah yeah so but no they couldn't possibly hello crunchy you couldn't possibly um use them because you know because what profiting from crime yeah i think something like that how how often was he sending stuff he sent he only said one one batch one batch okay one batch did i ever tell you that with the comedy company what happened there was a guy that was sending stuff in oh very quickly i was gonna say usually usually um writers go the other way. They can't get stuff on a TV show, so then they go and murder people down the street. They get postal.

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, we had a guy who wasn't getting enough attention with his scripts, so he sent in some scripts with a bomb. What? Yeah, with a bomb. Well? Yeah. With a bomb. Well, it looked like a bomb. She opened the letter. She looked inside and went, I think there's a bomb in there.

Wow. So this was when we had Young Talent Time. We had Neighbours. We had Comedy Company. It was at Nunawadding. Prisoner. Prisoner. Which is, I heard the rumour that Channel 10's going back there,

by the way. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, cleared the building. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it cleared the building. Like two hours. You know where they do all the outdoor scenes with the helicopters? Yeah.

They're going to stand out there for two hours. I loved it. Because I've been working so hard, I'm going, oh, it's just a break. But yeah. So wait, this bomb is like if these sketches don't get up, then I'm going to blow the place up. So what, this bomb is on like a what, a 10-month timer by the time they know if it's on the air?

It was obviously a fake bomb but not – Was it one of those like cartoon bombs with the sticks of dynamite with an alarm clock sticking on top of it? It was wires and it was meant to – I think – I didn't read the letter but here's the – and the cops came in and said, we're on to the guy who sent the bomb in. And we go, wow, how did you do that? Well, he put his name and address on the bomb.

Yeah, yeah. We went down to an open mic and whoever stunk the most, we went, do you write comedy? But, yeah, it was just to get attention. Just so he thought we would get it straight away and go, oh, this guy's so good, he'll go to any length to get on television. We'll read his scripts. But anyway.

People get very angry when they submit scripts and no one responds to them. But the problem is that if it's a sketch show that's up and running the people are so busy you know what I mean it's very hard to look at and there's also

legal matters too because then if you open a script and it's you know the hey poof sketch or whatever and then you put it on a similar sketch

someone might be sitting at home going hey that's my idea I've had that I've had that yeah yeah it'll be great if you get in legal trouble for Hey Poofs, but it's because of plagiarism, not because of the actual content itself.

We find out that Julian Knight really wrote Hey Poofs. It was his idea. You've got to watch out. I mean, people say to me, can I give you a suggestion for – For Russell Coyne or whatever. Honestly, I can't listen to it. And they go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And because – for that exact reason.

Yeah, yeah. People get sued all the time because you stole my idea. I'm still shitty. Five years ago I said if you ever bring Russell Court back, you should have him fall over. And I saw you use it the other day. You prick. Yeah, okay.

I would speak to my lawyers and maybe I've got a case. Kill native animals. Congratulations on the ratings. Russell Court is back on TV and it's turning. Can I say you don't often get a text from the comedy fraternity when you do something like that. And you sent me one. Yeah.

Was I the only one? I've heard from you. No, yeah. Oh, really? Except for the people that I work with here, you're the only one. Oh, really? I sent you one. I sent you one and said the kids liked it.

Yeah. I mean, I don't have your number But I would have But I wasn't Read it out right now So people can text it I haven't heard from you For a long time

Well I guess I used to text you Because you used to do You're not doing stand up comedy At the moment So I don't want to annoy you I think someone's calling you now To congratulate you

That's my Nokia I tried to put it down the hallway Because I don't know How to turn it off So just ignore it everyone That's my phone My Nokia That replacement phone I can't We're going to turn it off I love this put it down the hallway because I don't know how to turn it off. So just ignore it, everyone. That's my phone, my Nokia, that replacement phone. I can't. We've got to turn it off.

I love this because it's like when you get your car serviced, you get another car to drive around. So when you're getting your phone serviced. No, I paid $30 for it. Why don't you just buy a whole new phone? You're using the same phone you used on Full Frontal, I think. It's Julian Knight calling. Oh, no, Julian, I said those sketches.

He's using his one phone call to ring Dave O'Neill. Did you ever use that sketch I wrote? He's never getting out. About using cigarettes for money. He could be listening. Yeah, he could. You know, I've done a gig in prison and they listen to stuff, yeah. They listen to radio.

They don't have computers, though. They couldn't listen to stuff online. No, they don't have computers. They don't have the internet. They don't have computers, though. They couldn't listen to stuff online. No, they don't have computers. They don't have the internet. They don't have iPods or anything like that. So maybe they have family members who burn these episodes onto a CD for them, bake it into a cake. I bet they've got phones better than Dave O'Neill does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't have mobiles. They don't have mobiles. Oh, they don't, right. They've got TV, though. I told you when I was in prison, a guy said, when's Randling coming back? Which was a very unsuccessful show I was involved prison a guy said when's Randling coming back which was a very

unsuccessful show I was involved in Glenn that was on the ABC we won

but it didn't mean anything because no one was watching me and Anthony

Morgan but that's the first person I've ever heard talk about a guy in prison

and he goes yeah we watch in prison we watch a lot of TV so they'd

be huge fans they would have been gathered around 7.30 last Sunday for Russell

Coit they would love Russell Coit inside well there's a lot of people who

rated his ass off well it did well as I said in my text it was good for comedy

yeah it's good very magnanimous of you to say well no I do think

that I think that you know well they'll think good of other programs you've got

pilot week coming up. Pilot week. Now, I hate to say this, but is every one of those comedy? Yeah, they're all sort of comedy, some variety. Most of Dave's is comedy, yeah. And are there any women there? There's some women involved. There's women in my show.

I'm transgendering. I nearly kicked out all the women. It's all men catering on that show. Not only just men, I nearly kicked out all the women it's all men catering on that show it's all not only just men I've just got all right women Andrew Bolt's in mine

he's got great women yeah Geraldine Hickey who's been on this show yeah Emily Emily Tahini's on my show for people that don't know

it's a sitcom called Dave and it's on pilot week 24th of August Friday night Friday night I mean that is the old Muppets time slot.

I'm going to be in. So it's on Channel 10 for people at home. There's one episode. It's a pilot show called Dave. It's got Glenn Robbins in it, which I heard from Dave O'Neill that Glenn Robbins is very, very funny. No, I'm not funny. I play straight bat.

You play yourself, but you're very funny as yourself, though. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, because you know me better than me. Because I know you. Dave wrote it, so he Yeah, I mean, because you know me better than me. Because I know you. So you're tapping into things that Dave wrote. So he's tapping into things that, you know, perhaps I don't want to reveal, but anyway. So August the 24th at 8.30pm?

Yeah, I'm on Friday night. Friday night. I'm going to be in Japan then. I'm going to try and organise like a viewing in a Japanese bar. Yeah, like it's Melrose Place or something. Yes! I'm going to do it. I'm going to try and find a bar that will convince me

to be able to live stream it. And I'm going to sit in a bar. to try and find a bar that will convince me to be able to live stream it and I'm going to sit in a bar it's the night before my birthday what better way what better way

to celebrate my birthday you've also I sent it to you so you've seen it I know but I want other I want the Japanese to get on board

but you haven't seen the whole thing because there's new scenes there's two new scenes and also there's a fat fat dorks in it

yeah it's not skinny dork it's fat dork when you put those new scenes in you should have like George Lucas did And like CGI'd Dil

To the way he is now Does it make it like A collector's item? Yeah I think so Well until Skinny Durek Fat Durek Until about two weeks time

When he puts it all back on Oh for sure Yeah And the girl he's currently Going out with Or watching it Oh my god You were so fat

Dil? Yeah Anyway it's coming up What are these cakes Glenn very exciting so you know tune in and watch watch us

we've made an appearance in it we've written a bit for it hang on the opposite of that yeah we're not involved at all with it a lot of people on Twitter

asking Dave if we're in it and why wouldn't we be we've known him for a long time we get on well with him you're in the next episode when the series gets up, you're in it. We've got a present for you.

It might look like a bomb. I'll just give it to you over here. Less women in it would have been nice if it meant we got a run. But anyway. Yeah, you could have worn wigs though or something.

I could have played Emily Tahini's character. What's wrong with that? Yeah, my wife. Yeah. You could have played a couple of... I could have played some poops for you.

God! I could play your kid. You could play one of your kids. You could be a kid. Put a wig on. You'd be a good uncle, I reckon. Yeah, cool. Thank you.

You'd be something good visiting the house who was a technician or something. Okay. You'd get up to no good. That's about the best I reckon I could have got out of that sentence. Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll cop that. Tommy wouldn't be a bad bureaucrat either with that moustache and stuff.

Because, I mean, you're going for a more hipster look, but if you wore a uniform or something, you would just look like that, yeah, that kind of guy behind a desk somewhere. Yeah, yeah. You could easily look like that guy. It does make for a good episode, though. It's good to know that – Doing a podcast.

Yeah, doing a podcast. Yeah. And then you could actually do this podcast. Yeah. It's good to know that... Doing a podcast. Yeah, doing a podcast. Yeah. And then you could actually do this podcast. Yeah. It's good to know that you've thought about what roles I could play and then not followed up on it in any way whatsoever when the time came to cast your show. No, you know, I've written an episode where you're in,

you've read it, where he plays Hugh's butler. You play Hugh's butler. Yes. What? And so remember the one where you go to Hugh's mansion? Sorry, who? Dave, you know Hugh's? Hugh's. Oh,? Sorry, who? Dave, you know Husey? Husey.

Oh, I know Husey. So you know Husey in the... Husey, please. You shouldn't be talking about that because I might not get past the editing process. Well, it may not. Yeah, sorry. But the thinking was you. Great.

It was you. Because so I go around to Husey's Mansion because you'd remember in the pilot, we filmed in this mansion. He filmed in this mansion. He's in a mansion. He throws his phone into the pool. He's in like a big mansion. Spoilers. Spoiler alert.

Anyway, so. Boy, watch now that we know what happened. It's just a joke. It's just a joke. You're saying too much. Hughie's rich in this show. We'll fucking. But then you're in as well.

I'll be in it. It's called Dave. Anyway, I go around there And Hughie's got a bar And I go Hey Tommy What are you doing here? And Hughie goes

Oh I'm giving him a go He's going to learn off the master Fuck This is so good So it's part of Channel 10's pilot week Where an audience Like they're airing them all

One episode of each And the audience are voting On which one should get through I don't know I mean we've got to check If this means me Playing Hughie's butler We've got to put We've got to check. If this means me playing Hughes' butler, we've got to get the Dum Dum fans under this one.

Please stop interrupting. I just want to hear the character I'm about to play. You play my butler. Oh, right, great. There's a few characters like Comic-Con stage who says one line. You can be one of them. Oh, cool.

Glad you put a lot of thought into it. You know that sports bit? I know. I know. They've got to bet on which show. You can bet on which show is going to get up. Really? Really?

Yeah. Wow. It's what, which show is going to get up and which show is... Sorry, because there's other friends of the show that have been on the show before that have pilots in the same way. Like Harley, Harley Breen, Sam Dastyari. So there's a market for who's going to actually get through. So that's what you're saying.

Yeah. Yeah. But there's two... Did you see there's two different bets? There's what show gets the most viewers and then there's another one for what show will get up. Right. Because I was going to bet money on what show will get up, but then-

Who would you bet on? Well, my own show. But then I noticed that in the- Why would you bet on your own show? That means you could possibly lose twice. Exactly. You'd be pissed off. True.

Now, what you should do is bet against your own show. Do something in a public toilet that makes the papers inappropriate and then your show will be cancelled. You'll make big money. Now, there's another plot for your show. I'll be the guy that works at Sportsbet. Yeah, perfect. Nice.

But on the how many viewers it'll get, mine was way down the bottom. Yeah, it was way down the bottom. But then on the one of what shows will get up, mine was up to like third or fourth one. Right. Based on what? Up to third or fourth.

There's only five. No, there's eight. I don't know what it's based on. I think they just make it up, don't they? It's bullshit. I'm going to get this international viewing party going.

Japan's got a big population. Once we like, once I have it fucking screened on a big billboard in the Shibuya Crossing, those thousands of people down there watching it. I think there was a better chance of Dave getting up on J88, the local Japanese Tokyo TV channel.

Can I go way back? Yeah. When I did Uncle Arthur at Dreamworld. I'm sorry to do this to you listeners. Sorry, when you did Uncle Arthur at Dreamworld? In a sketch? Yes. For the comedy company. Australian when you did Uncle Arthur at Dreamworld, in a sketch for the comedy company. Australian theme park.

Yeah, at Dreamworld. When I walked out the front, there was a bunch of Chinese people and they all recognised me. Uncle Arthur? What are they saying? Uncle Arthur? I don't think you could crack that market.

Oh, I'd be mad. So if you could crack Japan. Yeah. If you could crack... Oh, China. China? Yeah. Yeah, and then you can go over there

and do ads like Schwarzenegger does. Yeah, huge. It's a huge market. Huge market. Go there and do your own whiskey. I'd be like Arch Barker here. Yes. Or Mason Jonathan.

Totally. Or David Strasman. I've always wondered that because foreign comics get to go over here and people go, oh, that accent's so funny and whatever. I want to know who the English speaker is to go into a forum. Yeah. Japan? There's comics in Japan.

There are. There's American guys that host their own shows there and stuff in Japan. Right. Japan's a good – New Zealand? Surely we're superior to them. Right. We could go over there and – Well, stand-up comedy doesn't really occur much in a lot of other countries, though.

No, no. It's a relatively new art form. Yeah. And so in a lot of countries it doesn't exist. Yeah. Per capita, you would know this, per capita, Australia must be per capita to have more stand-ups than anybody. Apart from Oregon, England.

England's got a lot. Well, obviously England and America. But per capita, Australia's a small population, a huge amount of... That's a good point. It's tough. I mean, how would you... I think if I was running that

I'd have to sit down and go you're not really a comic I don't reckon you're a comic there's got to be some judgement made who's earning a living probably

yeah it's a hard that would be a hard you kind of have to go for your licence really yeah there's no registered stand up comic

yeah so a lot of people getting up on tryout nights saying yeah right the audit you're a big fan of, Dave. People's comedy getting audited. Yeah, I was a big fan.

Big fan of that. Which is the audit. No, well, I can't. Have I said this before? I think you've said it. This is you, isn't it? Like follow people around and just, you know, just kind of, you know, have a couple of weeks, monitor all their gigs and just, you know.

Sorry, buddy, you're not doing the numbers. You're out. You're out. Oh, right. You know, you had a few too many bombs in the two weeks that I saw you. Sorry, man. You're out. Yeah, but the audience tell them that anyway, don't they?

Well, they don't listen. Yeah, they keep on going. Yeah, they keep on going. I know. Most do drop out eventually. Because I run, people that listen will know that I run Comedy at Swing on a Monday night and there's a lot of open mic sort of people that pop up. I give space to newer people.

And I love a bit of Jedi mind trick where someone bombs and then walks off and then open mic sort of people. The amateur. I give space to newer people. I love a bit of Jedi mind trick where someone bombs and then walks off and then comes up and is sort of pretty defeated and then sees me and then lifts up their chin and go, yeah, thanks. That was pretty good actually. I'm like, no, mate, you had it right first. You looked like you were going to kill yourself. That was the right attitude to have. I never ever did that.

I always knew when I – well, yeah, people would come off and it would absolutely die and then... Look, the cat's trying to get the cake, Len. Oh, the cat's trying to outsmart the plastic wrapping.

It's cat proof. Yeah. What a great cat. It's a fantastic cat. What sort of cat is that? It's a very pretty cat. What sort of cat is it? British Shorthair.

Oh. Yeah. So she's... No, it's going to the technical stuff You're going to work the dials She's trying to turn Carl's mic down Stop talking about me Go buy me some whiskers

Yeah but she's It's a weird breed where she Loves the attention like this But then you go Okay I'll come and pat you And she goes Absolutely not She's like a stripper

And she loves So she's walking around me And there's no touching She loves me And I'm allergic to her, so I don't want her anywhere fucking near me. Oh, you're allergic? Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Puss. I've got a cat. I'll give you the tip, though, with cats. Don't give them dry food from the supermarket. Oh, why? It'll wreck their... It does their kidneys. Oh, okay.

Yeah, well, that happened to Mike. We... You know Mike had diabetes and I had to inject it. Don't only get the expensive stuff from the – Pet food shop. Yeah, don't get the dry – yeah, it'll do them in. Oh, okay. All right.

I had to – Especially that cat's pedigree, isn't it? Yeah, she's only just started eating dry food now. Yeah. Be careful. Okay. All right. I'll look into it.

I do buy syringes from the chemist and inject my cat with insulin twice a day. I've heard this story from Fleety. All right. Where's this cat going? Well, we had a cat in Burmaese, beautiful, and it got an eye, because they're so interbred, they get infections around the nose and around the eyes. And the only way that you could fix up the infection

was for the cat to keep its eyes closed for about a week. So they had to, this is true, they had to sew buttons on the eyelids of the cat so that the eyelids were kept down. What? That's true. Ask a vet. It's like somebody out of Science of the Land.

And it was fine. She'd sort of walk around. She was okay. But then people would come around to the house for whatever and there's the cat with buttons on his eyes. They're going, you cruel bastards. Yeah. Your doll's come to life.

It's walking around. Creepy. Now, what I was fascinated to ask of you this time, because we haven't had you on for ages, but,

so Dave O'Neill, I love asking him about stuff he's turned down. It doesn't go for very long because he hasn't turned much stuff down. Hey, hey, hey. you,

I reckon you are poles apart from Dave O'Neill. I reckon you're a very private man. You'd be very selective. Some say fussy man. You must have turned down a million things. Well, yes. Well, yeah, but I don't talk about it.

Okay, yeah. But you told me one the other day from what would have been the 80s, which was funny, this is your life. Was that the 80s? Yeah, it was probably. Or 90s when they wanted you to do this is your life been the 80s, which was funny, this is your life. Was that the 80s? Yeah, it was probably. Or 90s when they wanted you to do this is your life? Hang on. How do you turn down this is your life?

Isn't it like they just do it and then it's a surprise? Well, this is what I remember of the story. I came home. My partner was on the phone to my brother and I'm going, what? Yeah, what are you talking about? Yeah, and they're having a long conversation. I'm going, this is not good. It's either an affair or something bad in the family has happened.

And then she gets off the phone and she says, they want you on This Is Your Life. But I hear it's a life or death situation. How I heard that from that, I don't know. But anyway, she then told me that they wanted me on This Is Your Life. And it was around the time I had done a film. Are you sure she wasn't just covering for an actual affair? She could have been.

Right. Because This Is Your Life had never contacted me. That would be great if it was This Is Your Life or Death Situation. And so it's the show but when the guys, when they start playing the guy's voice, I remember me,

you know, saw you running around the schoolyard. If you can't remember who it is within 10 seconds, you're just publicly executed on TV. I thought you might have

gone, if it's this is your life or death situation, do you remember this voice? Hello, Glenn, it's your old teacher, Mrs McGillicuddy. Oh, I remember her.

Give me 50 bucks or I'll fucking shoot you. Remember me? It's the Grim Reaper. Would you do this as your life? Me? Yeah. If anything ever happened to me, I'd do it.

Yeah, for sure. Did you go on it for anyone else? Yes, I went on it for Mark Mitchell. So you said no? I said no. Sorry, but I just think that if you're going to sell your life, sell your life when you're ready, not when someone else wants to sell it.

Sure. You're right. It is almost offensive, isn't it? It's like, you're done, so anyway, we can just do this now. And also the thing that we worked on when we were talking about it, no one gets paid. No one gets paid. Oh, really? No one gets paid for your lot.

You do a whole half an hour. It's just to turn up to the studio and have a sandwich and go on and tell one story and you've got a TV show. And because you're being held high, everyone goes, oh, yeah, but no thanks. And also then all the people that go on and go, G'day, Glenn, do you remember my voice? Well, I did one thing.

Now, what was the guy who, in The Odd Couple, the original Odd Couple, not the movie, the TV show? Jack Klugman. Jack Klugman. Well done. I've got an earpiece to Tony Martin. I did a plate in a golf tournament where we were – okay, this is a long story. Anyway, we had to go to a flight to Sydney.

Then we were put in a helicopter with Jack Klugman and John Blackman and myself and Con the Fruit Ride. Wow. This is like a wet dream. You have pizza and you have this dream, you know, you're doing well. So anyway, we get flown out to the golf course, which took about half an hour. So then we're coming back and then the weather closes in.

So from the height of being, you know, choppered, the guy goes, we can't get back to sydney airport we're going to have to go down early we're going to have to go down the suburbs and the only places this joint over here don't know it was about an hour out of sydney so then we land we go in there and the guy says sorry fellas but we're closing up now so we got turfed out of the airport and there was nowhere to go. So we actually sat in the gutter. So we went from the height of being, you know.

And as you're in the gutter, John Blackman's got dicky knee up in front. He's got dicky knee up. I'm doing a bit of a... Oh, well, I guess we could always go to Molly's Spa, everyone. So that was the one story that Jack Plugman had on me and I think they were going to fly him in for it. Oh, really? So lucky I stepped in for Jack.

I would do it just because I'd be fascinated to know who they'd get and what they'd say about me. Oh, well, they'd get Carl, they'd get your mum and dad. Yeah. Maybe this isn't that interesting. Do you really want to hear the TV stories or do you want to hear the real stories? Yeah, maybe. You don't want to hear the TV stories.

Oh, he was such a lovely boy and, you know, he did make the occasional poof joke, but that's okay. Hey, poofs. On your one, I can just say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Recognise this voice? Hey, poofs. Honestly, I'm drawing a bit of a blank.

But it's me just trying to distance myself from Dave. I'm like, no, I've never heard this man before. These words mean nothing to me. I would never have put up with that if I'd heard that in my life. Certainly not something that I find funny, nor do I leave it edited into a show that I am in control of. I nearly, I don't know. What about Surprise Surprise?

Did anyone try and get you for that? Remember that? Because I remember Eric Banner went on that with Steve Bedwell. Is Surprise Surprise the same as This Is Your Life? No, Surprise Surprise is a prank show where one celebrity would get another celebrity involved and they wouldn't know about it. Oh, okay. And so the one with Eric Banner is that Steve Bedwell took him to a restaurant

and Eric said, I remember the food being really bad because it was a fake restaurant. Right. In Ligon Street. It was literally Channel 9 catering. Yeah, yeah. And this waiter kept coming out and spilling things and doing tricks and stuff. I remember Nicky Buckley. Was it Nicky Buckley who did it?

Yeah, yeah. They put her husband in a car and then the car. They rolled the car. Wow. And she flipped out. And she understandably freaked. Right. And went, Oh my god

Yes you would Yeah That's the great thing About those prank shows It's either like Look at this silly stuff Happening around you That you have to tolerate

Or it's like You get fucking Dragged out into the street And blindfolded And someone Holds an Uzi to your head And tells you You're gonna die

I love Got him What I love I'd like to be in that Writer's room To see what got knocked back Because it's like Oh okay

Right Well We get Rhonda Birchmore out on the street and we punch her in the face. What do you think? Nah, that's not going to happen. Nah. Wilbur Wall, a friend of mine, got done really well.

He was in an apartment, high level, that could see the MCG and he was in Red Simon's apartment or something like that and there were people… I remember this one. And there were people who rang up this one. And there were people rang up and said, we're quite powerful. If you don't do what we say, we're going to shut down the. The MCG.

Yeah. And they had. So the lights were on at the MCG and he's looking out the window and he goes, you don't believe us? Watch this. And the lights at the MCG turned off. Right. Right. And he shut himself the MCG turned off. Right. Right.

And he shat himself. Remember, he put the hanky up. That's a good one. He put his hanky over the phone. Remember that? Because that's the way you disguise your voice. Yeah. Yeah, you put snot on a phone and it changes your voice.

It changes your voice. See, you would hate that show. I would hate it. You would hate it. Because I got done by Jamie Dunn. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had Jamie Dunn on your show. Agro. Agro. Oh, Jamie Dunn. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had Jamie Dunn on your show. Agro.

Agro. Oh, Jamie Dunn. I got done on the phone by Jamie Dunn. Yeah, what happened? That is a funny story. I've heard this story. When my partner had an agency and she was away, she said, can you handle the phones for today?

Can you manhandle the phones? Manhandle the phones today. I hope Dave O'Neill doesn't ring up again. Hey, Poof. You got a job for me? This guy rings up and he goes, do you represent dogs? And I said, oh, no, it's only mainly actors and singers and stuff.

Because I've got a singing dog and I'd like to audition over the phone, please. And you can hear me because it's being recorded. I'd like to. And I go, look, it's fine. Do you mind if I just audition? Okay, you can audition. Okay. Okay, Socrates.

Socrates, sit. Socrates. Okay, Socrates, sing. Socrates, sing. Oh, Socrates. Socrates, you naughty dog. You naughty dog. Socrates, sit up.

Sit up. Sing. Oh, Socrates. Socrates. I'm. Sit up. Sing. Oh, Socrates. Socrates. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Socrates normally sings when I tell him to sing. And I'm buying it.

I am buying it. You're thinking of starting up the dog division of the agency just to get him in? I'm laughing. And then he goes, oh, it's Jamie Dunn, and I've got your beauty, and blah, blah, blah. And I'm going, you know, some people spend their day gearing cancer. You make dogs ring up and bark through the fucking phone. Excuse me. It is embarrassing when you get done like that.

Yeah. And when you're on the comedy camera, do they make you go on other Channel 10 shows? I did Young Talent Time. Oh, I used to love Young Talent Time. Oh, me too. How's this? Goodnight, Australia.

Tell me, would this happen today? Uncle Arthur on Young Talent Time with all those little kiddies around. Yeah. Maybe not. Yeah, maybe not. Hello, everybody. Yeah. Was one sitting on your knee or anything?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I don't know. I can't remember who was there, but it wouldn't happen. Jamie Redfern and – Tiny Tina Arena. Tiny Tina Arena. All those. Danny Minogue, maybe.

Yeah. What other shows? No, what other shows around then? I didn't know there was a crossover because I'm thinking – because that's right in my hitting zone of when I was obsessed with TV as a kid. Just comedy company, had all the comedy company merch and all that sort of stuff. Loved Young Talent Time. Then got into Full Frontal.

Fast Forward? Yeah, watched every single ounce of comedy on TV. You would have loved it. You were Fast Forward or you were more Full Frontal, Tommy? Fast Forward is slightly before my time. Full Frontal is right in the sweet spot where I just, yeah, that was that block of like. I remember with Comedy Company, I remember like, you know, even you going to Fast Forward, Full Frontal, that sort of thing.

It was like, oh, it's interesting. How come Clint Robbins is on this show this show like how does this all work because he was surely he's still living on the big bucks from comedy company what's he doing on this show you know that sort of thing and then i remember they added tim smith to the to the cast of comedy company after season two or three or something and i'm like oh well this guy's gonna have to be pretty good to be as good as the regular cast you know this is going to be interesting so I had the whole like soap opera

going on in my head did you leave the second or third series because there was a whole I did it 88, 89 and then there was a third series

there was a third series wasn't there was it in 90 or 91 yeah with a whole different people yeah yeah yeah like Chris Keogh was in it and stuff

yeah yeah yeah right right right but I think we're going too far back for your listeners, so we really should move on. Oh, no, no. This is a – yeah, anyway.

They're a variety. It's – you know, talking about you not doing this in your life and – Yes. There was one. I don't like talking about it, but there was – I don't know whether I should – anyway, I was approached about an American movie recently. Oh, right. And it was one of those situations where they approached me

and they said... Will you do Human Caterpillar? Centipede. Centipede. I fucked it. I fucked it. Human Caterpillar. I didn't think it was an American movie.

It was German, wasn't it? So was it a big American movie? Was it a franchise? Yeah, it was a big one. Were you playing a Transformer, just as a clue as to what the movie was? Say what it was. Say what it was. Yeah, go, why not?

Yeah, but then it sounds like you're being arrogant, but okay, I'm happy to be, because I don't know, maybe someone suggested me and I let them down, but it was Pitch Perfect 3. Oh, wow. Oh, that would have been great. Well, I said, said Look I'm interested And they said

We need your availability for this film And I said I'm interested I'm doing the comedy fun house I can't do it so Yeah Dumb dumb podcast And Could I see the script

Because I And I was doing Russell Coit at the time So I was coming and going a bit I said but If it was to work I could work the dates in. And they said, we're not giving the script. We just need to know whether you're available to these dates.

And I went, well, if I can't see the script, then I can't really decide whether – because even if it is an American movie, I mean, you still want to – You want it to be good. You want it to be a good film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's his name? He ended up doing it.

Oh, God. You'll have to look it up. Anthony LaPaglia. I need one ounce of detail. Perfect three. Yeah. Anthony LaPaglia. Was it an Aussie that did it?

Rebel Wilson. Rebel Wilson's father. That's who they wanted him to play. Oh, okay. All right. And he did it. Did you see the film? No.

He did it with an Australian accent. Oh, wow. So it's an American doing it, was it? Or a British guy? Yeah, we were about to find out. I'm trying to find out. He's a very well-known actor. Was it a good part?

Sorry? Was it a good part, do you reckon? When you watch it, what have you gone, oh, that would have been all right. I don't want to say that. I haven't seen those movies. I've only seen the trailer. Have you seen those movies, Tommy?

I've seen Pitch Perfect 1. Very popular. Because I was in a relationship at the time and I've only seen the trailer. Have you seen those movies, Tommy? I've seen Pitch Perfect 1 because I was in a relationship at the time and I've not seen the other two. Very popular film 1 and very popular 2. And I think number 3 did probably well on – I don't think people – I don't think 3 was particularly well received. People didn't like it as much. Yeah, that's right. John Lithgow.

There you go. John Lithgow. Yes. From Third Rock and the Sun. Yeah. Yeah, Third Rock and the Sun. Yeah. Yeah, Third Rock and the Sun. He's very good. He's awesome.

Amazing. But maybe, well, I like to think that. He's the second choice after Glenn Robbins. Well, there you go. Yeah. But he's also the second choice of Russell Coyd, I believe, as well. Oh, man. Imagine if they make an American version of Russell Coyd

and it's John Lithgow doing it. That would be cool It's very similar From when I was working on Hughes We Have A Problem The warm up man said Hughes We Have A Problem Hughes We Have A Problem

The warm up man said to me I auditioned for your part In the Nugget But didn't you write the Nugget No I didn't write the Nugget No Bill Benner wrote the Nugget Yeah That's when

Fair enough mate I just go Thank God Shane Jacobson Wasn't around then Because he would have got it He gets every fat funny man Going around Have you seen him fight?

He's a good fighter No, that's not what I mean You know I was in the gang show with him We go way back to the scouting world What? Does that pull cred When it comes to going for roles? Yeah, yes

Yeah, the gang show Occasionally The gang show? You don't know what the gang show is? No Sorry, you're not cool enough What's the gang show? Let me explain it Boy Sc show is sorry you're not cool enough what's the gang show let me explain it

boys scouts and girl guides do a theatre show every year they do it in every state in some regional areas like Mildura and we go on stage and we sing songs

this is where Glenn would say oh look this is a bit of an embarrassing story I won't tell this one but who would this be Shane Jason was huge

in the gang show he was younger than me so it's like the law review But for sketch Yeah exactly Exactly But sort of family friendly It wasn't

The law review for even bigger virgins If there was Yeah and nerds Would you close with something like tying knots No no we'd always close And open I met my first girlfriend in the gang show You know what it would be?

You'd open with dib, dob. Dib, dib, dib, dob, dob, dob. Dib, dib, dib, dib, and then close with dob. No, they'd always close with the same song all around the world. We're out in the sun, guys. We're out in the rain. There's one thing all us fellas know. Gee, it's a wonderful life.

Now, if I came home and went through your cupboard, would I find something? That's a wonderful. Would I find an old uniform? You'd find a heap of fucking Maltesers and stuff like that. You might find a scarf, a gang show scarf. Would I find a old uniform? You'd find a heap of fucking Maltesers and stuff like that. You might find a scarf, a gang show scarf. Would I find a woggle? Yeah, probably. I've got badges, yeah.

But my dad's a scout. He's still a scout. He's not a scout leader, but he's still involved in the scouts. I saw something the other day, three scouts walking down the street. I have not seen that for 25, 30 years. Yeah, you don't see them. You see them in – I went to Europe recently. There were scouts in Paris.

I saw scouts selling cakes in Paris, which is quite odd. Yeah, scouts are big. Scouts must not be so strict with the uniform these days because – No. Too many scouts have been beaten up for wearing the uniform. Yeah, yeah. They must be casual. Yeah.

It's gone from casual Friday to casual every day, surely. Yeah, so when we were – you were a scout, weren't you? For a little bit, were you a scout? Yeah, I was. I was a cub. Cub, pack, what do you call it? Oh, patrol leader, sixer. Sixer.

And then I went to scouts and then senior scouts. Yeah, I was a senior scout. But then you went on to rovers. I went further. You didn't go queen, did you? No, I wasn't a queen scout. Whenever we had a dull moment on the radio show I used to do with Hughes, he would always say, tell us again, with Hughes,

tell us again how old were you when you left Scouts? Like 23? What came first, getting out of Scouts or losing the virginity? Good question. No, I lost my virginity before I left Scouts. And that was a badge, by the way. You just got me doing it. I don't know. before I left Scouts. And that was a badge, by the way. You just got me doing. Do that, Kayla.

Oh, God. I hate it when people do that. Yeah. I'll lose points for that. No, no, no. You win boys for getting in first. No, you win boys for getting in first. Yeah.

Anyway, you bought this cake, Glenn. You got to – what have you got? Well, look, I was driving here and I thought you should bring a cake or something. But then I thought – then I remembered because I was at the supermarket the other day that they brought out these new Arnott's mini cakes. I've never seen them. So what they've done – this is interesting. Do you know about this? No, no, no.

They're getting biscuits and making them into cakes. Oh, like Monte Carlos or something? So this is the Monte Carlo cake. So what's interesting is that I'm a Woolworths guy and I had to go into Coles. So I don't know where I'm going once I get into Coles. So I said to David, I think it was, David, I'm looking for the new Arnott's mini cakes.

And he goes, is it a refrigerator cake or a shelf cake? And or is it a biscuit? Wow. So it's a big decision. Yeah. Well, it's not a refrigerated one. Okay, it's not a refrigerator one. But is it a cake it a biscuit? Wow. So it's a big decision. Yeah. Well, it's not a refrigerated one. Okay, it's not a refrigerated one. But is it a cake or a biscuit?

And he goes, okay, well, if you go to aisle one, you've got biscuits. If you go to aisle two, you have cakes. This guy's just relieved that you're not giving him shit about the plastic bags debacle, to be fair. He's just rapt to talk about anything else. Anything else. Yeah. So I just thought it would be interesting to discuss whether or not –

we all know the Monte Carlo. Where would Monte Carlo rate on your biscuit ranking? In the traditional biscuit ranking, as in like your Arnott's assortment, that sort of thing? Yeah. Because I reckon a Monte Carlo will always be in the family assortment, will it not? Yes.

Where would it be the first one you go for? Or would it be in your top three? Top five at least. I would put anything with chocolate before it. Is that like chocolate ripple? I think you've got to take chocolate out of it. Okay. In a family assorted.

In the assorted when you don't have chocolate. Yeah. And if most biscuit barrels would not have a chocolate biscuit in them, am I right? No. Yeah, yeah. They go too quickly. If the ABC, for example, well, the ABC don't even have biscuits.

If you went to a television network, they had biscuits, they wouldn't have chocolate, they would have... ABC just have a toast cupboard. What are the ones with the white stuff in the middle of them? They're the two ones, kind of like the sandwich. And they've got the white stuff in the middle.

It's like a lemon. So that's your number one? That'd be my number one, yeah. What's your number one, Dave? I like a chocolate ripple, which is not a chocolate covered biscuit. That's a family sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like a chocolate ripple, but I also love a – okay, here's a question.

You know, I read about this one. All biscuits like Monte Carlo, chocolate ripples, they're all pre-war. There's only been one recent biscuit in those biscuits that is popular. Does anyone know what it is? That was released in the 80s, I think. I could only guess what my guess would be for my favourite biscuit in those biscuits that is popular. Does anyone know what it is? It was released in the 80s, I think. I could only guess what my guess would be for my favourite biscuit in that. What is that? Kingston. Kingston. That's it.

That's the one. That's a recent biscuit. That's chocolate. That's a beauty. That's a caramel. That's a beautiful cream biscuit. I don't love it. It's quite small. Yeah, quite small. But pound for pound it's pretty rich. What's your favourite biscuit? I don't love it. It's quite small. Yeah, quite small. Yeah. But pound for pound, it's pretty rich. It carries its weight.

Well, what's your favourite biscuit? Oh, that's a good question. I would probably go Scotch Finger. Because I'm talking dipping. Because the teddy you can't dip because he doesn't hang on. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he breaks off pretty easily. Okay, I've been wanting to put this out on the show for a while and it sounds like a sponsorship, which it's not.

But my favourite biscuit. Now, I've been searching for this biscuit all of my life, and I found it. Wow. My favourite biscuit of all time. Is it Australian? Yes. Here's what it is.

My favourite biscuit used to be, and this was at 90%, 95%, I reckon, of capability of a great biscuit, was you go into Subway and you happen to be there on the day that they really soft cook the biscuits. Great. Instead of the hard. Because you go in there and it's a roll of dice with me.

I go in there and go, I'll take three biscuits for $2. And they go, here you go. And I grab them. And if they're hard, I put them straight in the bin. You want them fresh out of the oven. I want the soft ones that have been half baked. And so you want to get them and you pick them up and they bend as you pick them up. That's what I want.

So I would go to lunch so many times and chuck so many biscuits away because I don't want the hard-cooked ones. Imagine the homeless people looking at you throwing the biscuits away. This is just a gut-turning story for anyone who's on waste. This is how the earth dies. More on waste. Yep. So I've recently discovered Woolworths, your retailer of choice.

Go in there. They've got this thing. They've got, for $2.50, they've got five choc-chip biscuits, but they're twice as thick, three times as thick as any biscuit you've ever seen. Oh, yum. And they are, I reckon, 90% chocolate, like choc-chip. Brilliant. Just huge slabs of chocolate within the biscuit.

That's what kills you when you get anything choc-chip and the ratio of the choc-chips is all off. That's what kills you when you get anything choc chip and the ratio of the choc chips is all off. That's what kills you. It is so high. But they're homemade-ish. Yeah, they're like in store. They're like in the little plastic that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. They are getting me in trouble. Recently in the last week, week and two

weeks, I've gone off sugar. I've decided to go off sugar and I've never done that before in my life. Sarah Wilson style? Yes, because I was eating so many of those biscuits. I was like addicted to them. They're so good. Got me here? I had a real thing for chocolate mousse for a long time and I put that on the show and

everyone very much knows my feelings towards mousse, but this is my new mousse. These choc-chip biscuits in Woolworths are unbelievable. And are they – you need a hot beverage, of course. I don't. I don't drink hot beverages. I cannot have – see, I'm going to struggle if we have a cake now, to not have a cup of tea. Well, I'll put the kettle on.

Would you mind? Yeah, I'll put it on. Yeah, for sure. Do you guys want – Let's do this live. You don't have hot beverages either. No, I don't drink hot beverages. No, I'm fine without one. They're the temperature do this live? You don't have hot beverages either. No, I don't drink hot beverages. No, I'm fine without one.

They're the temperature of the devil. I don't, this is annoying. I know this is annoying to you because I've hyped up these biscuits. I don't believe I can Uber eat these biscuits from Woolworths. So this is frustrating, I understand. We can follow up on this in later weeks. Yeah, I will. We can do a live taste test of biscuits.

I'll put the kettle on right now. I'm sorry. Do we want to break out the cakes in the meantime? Oh, yeah, why not? I love a cake. You know that. Why can't they just leave things alone, though? It's like all those ice creams made from biscuits.

Oh, now they've got Maxi Bond. They're in cahoots with Krispy Kreme. Yeah, it's so annoying. Have you ever had an ice cream that's from a chocolate bar that's good? Yeah, no. Like a picnic or a – hang on. The crunchy ice cream that's from a chocolate bar that's good? Yeah, you know. Like a picnic or a... Hang on, Chandler. The crunchy ice cream is good.

Hang on, you're saying that there's never been a chocolate bar turned into an ice cream that's any good? Well, tell me one. I would say all of them. I would say crunchy number one. Crunchy ice creams are unbelievable. They are better than the chocolate bar. I agree.

Mars bar, I would say the same. Really? Yep, absolutely, yes. So just... we brought... I'll try one. If we brought out a biscuit barrel and there were only Monte Carlos in it... Oh. And you're having...

Would you... Oh. You want to go? Yeah, sure. Well, that's a big thing. This... I reckon this is fucking great. It's not bad.

This is really good stuff. Oh, that's good. That's really good. It's nice and soft. Oh, that's really good. This is a dense, moist cake, which is already... It's so moist. We're not being paid.

No, no. No, we should be. There's so much inadvertent sponsorship on this. Okay, here's the question. This is really good. Is it better than a Monte Carlo? I reckon it might be. I reckon it is.

I reckon it is. I reckon... I've been off... Better texture. I've been off sugar for two weeks. I think I'm about to have a fit. Yeah, but have a heart attack. I haven't had lunch yet. This is like all I've eaten all day. Jam packed. I think I'm about to have a fit. Yeah, but have a heart attack.

I haven't had lunch yet. This is like all I've eaten all day. Oh, no. That's fucking great. It's good. Man, this is so good. Well. Boys, do your chewing right into the microphone as well, by the way.

How many did we get? Five? The sugar is very high on the ingredients list. What? Up the back. Per hundred browsers? Into the mid-teens. Let's not, I mean, let's not, you know, let's not take the wind out of the sails of this, you know,

unpaid advertisement. Arnott's might hear this and want to, you know, throw some money our way. Yeah, exactly. Many thanks. Fuck, that was really good. Thank you, Glenn. That was really, really good.

And I'm not a sweets guy. I'm not, I'm not like, I'm not really into cakes and biscuits and stuff. You're not? No. Yeah, I am heavily. Right. See, I'm a a sweets guy I'm not I'm not like I'm not really into cakes and biscuits and stuff you're not? no yeah I am heavily right see I'm a massive sweet tooth so two weeks without sugar

I've never done it before now you're like you were on heroin I brought some heroin around yes you're back on the street you're back robbing houses now yes exactly

yeah I'm back getting friends jewellery and selling it to cash converters and writing a book about it what are you doing it for? For a Monte Carlo cake.

They're beautiful. I reckon it's better than your average cake that you can get in a – It's pretty good, actually. Maybe because of the high sugar content. Guys, check them out. The Arnott's Monte Carlo cake. Yeah, and if they sell out, you guys probably should get credit for that. Yeah, totally.

Did you hear of these? There was an ad on TV, and whenever the word cake comes up, because I have friends of mine that I play cards with regularly, and I'm known as the cake man. Oh, nice. See, that's what I started to do when I was in, when I go into writers' rooms. I would, like, bring heaps of lollies in,

and then because people go, oh, this guy, this guy's going to bring in, yeah, he's a great guy, brings in chocolates and whatever. What I'm really doing is just making an excuse to eat the majority of the lollies. Trying to offset your bad attitude with sugar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Matty's jokes are shit, but I tell you what. What's the stakes of life?

The lollies are fucking awesome. Who are we getting rid of? No, keep him on. Keep the lolly going. If you get rid of Chando, we don't get any snakes. So keep him on. Don't worry about the tea. It's all right because my moment's gone now. Oh, okay.

No tea. So don't send the bomb. You're not even going to eat your cake though, are you? You know why? I had a bite of it and I'm scared of getting fully back on the sugar. Better give it to Dave. He'll eat it. No, it's all right.

No, I don't want to. Wow. We went out the other day. We had coffee. Yeah. It was a meeting. Yeah, what sort? And you, we, can men do this? coffee yeah and it was a meeting yeah and you were you we

can men do can men do this can men go out and share a big chocolate chocolate ripple cake it was and two hot chocolates

oh chocolate ripple cake that is a great cake that's a great cake I only bet it in my opinion by the Mars bar cake too much cream or the triple mousse cake too much cream

right yep it's like a good sponge cake. No. A decent sponge cake or a good cheesecake. I need it as moist and as wet. I need it almost to be moist. Oh, you'd love that then. Yeah.

You'd love that. Yeah. No, it is nice. I'm doing everything I can to stay off it. A good feeling in the centre of something. I'm just trying to see how it feels to be off it because I've never done it because I'm such a sweet tooth. It's like I'm such a person of going, right, I've had my main meal. Yeah. What sweet do I get after it? Yeah, how it feels to be off it because I've never done it because I'm such a sweet tooth. Like I'm such a person of going, right, I've had my main meal.

Yeah. What sweet do I get after it? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I do that every night. I mean, I need an ice cream or a chocolate bar or a piece of cake. I do that after lunch. Yeah, it's like a full stop on a meal for me. I'm doing the –

I think for most people it is. I'm doing the new coconut yogurt that is purely coconut with a little bit of coulis on it, which is – And it's fantastic. All right, Gilligan. No, it's yogurt. He didn't turn it into a radio. People won't know what we're talking about.

I love Gilligan's Island. Oh, yeah, like that's the first thing that they won't know we're talking about. We've been talking about fucking red – Young talent time. Whatever. We seriously are. We're at that end of the pool now. Me more so than you.

Oh, no, I'm 53, so I'm getting ahead. I've got a seniors card. Really? You've actually got a seniors card? Yeah. My dad reckons they're good. Well, who says they're bad? Oh, this is cheaper to get into a cinema.

This thing sucks shit. Speaking of your dad, I drove to my parents' house the other day. There's a big Freemason centre out there on the way to their house. Oh, I've done a gig there. What do they do in there? It's huge. I've done a gig there. Is it in sort of what area are we talking?

Near Brighton. Yeah. So probably like Elwood? Oh, no, I haven't done that one. Well, you're talking about the one on the main road. Yeah, yeah. On the Peon Highway. On the Peon, yeah.

Yeah, that's not a Masonic Centre, I don't think. It's like an office that's owned by the Masons. Ah, right. It's got their big logo on the front. Is that the one with Tiny Town on the corner? I think so, yeah. Oh, Tiny Town. That's where I bought my car.

You know that story? Oh, that's a great story because the guy wouldn't sell them. He wouldn't sell. They bought the land all around Tiny Town and then he wouldn't sell. Is Tiny Town a car lodge? It's a car yard. That's where I bought my car. Really?

Yeah. It's the smallest a car lot. It's a car yard. That's where I bought my car. Really? Yeah. It's the smallest car yard you've ever seen and it sells tiny cars, correct? Well, it might. Is the guy really short? It's naughty. Yeah, no. Anyway, so he wouldn't sell them.

I think the money went up and up and then they built it all around him. So drive paths, it's built all around him. And now it looks even tinier because that Mason Centre is huge. That's huge. And people have got bigger over the years. After it was finished building, he said, it's for sale. And no one wants it.

Yeah, yeah. He fucked it. He's an idiot. He blew it. Really? But they do a lot of – I did a gig at a Mason's. Not via my dad A guy saw me at a football club

But dad said I'll come along And it was bizarre They do like a service Where the guy plays the organ a lot Right And they do all these rituals Yeah

And stuff And then they go and have dinner But it was like 10 o'clock Before they had their dinner And I'm like Go to dad You're all old Why are you having dinner

At 10 o'clock? Yeah that's weird It's a brotherhood It's a brotherhood And it's you know If you're old You're supposed to you having dinner at 10 o'clock? Yeah, that's weird. It's a brotherhood. It's a brotherhood and it's, you know. If you're old, you're supposed to be having it at like 5 o'clock. Yeah, exactly. And then they bring us into this room and they're all on the pier. There's a guy walking around pouring whiskey and then they go,

are you going to get up and do your gig? And it was hard work because the guy goes, just do what you did at the Heidelberg Footy Club. I said, yeah, but this is not the Heidelberg Footy Club. Everyone's dressed in suits and – Yeah. Oh, God. But it's a brotherhood.

In other words, if someone's going to be employed at a certain place – Not much anymore, though. Back then. Back in the 50s and the 60s. And if you gave them a single hand show, you got the gig. My dad used to say they used to control the Air Force, the police force, the public service, and he used to hang shit on them and then he joined them. Did he joke about the hairy back goat and stuff like that?

No, it was funny though because he was in John Safran's Versus Religion show where he talked about Freemasons. He took John to the Freemasons place and all this. Because I used to work with John on the radio and then he used to see my dad at functions and stuff and he'd I used to work with John on the radio and then he used to see my dad at functions and stuff and he'd always go to dad, you know, can you do this thing with me, Kevin? Dad's like, no, I'm not going to do it.

No way, I can't bloody do that. Freemasons is a secret society. I can't do it. I'm not doing it. And then I rang up mum one day and I said, where's dad? Oh, he's filming that thing with John Sanford. Well, you said you didn't want to do it. But no, he loved it. But he said people still come Well, you said you didn't want to do it.

No, he loved it. But he said people still come up to him and talk to him about it, about appearing on TV with John Safran and the Freemasons. I want to bring this up because lately I've been bringing up a few because I'm from, you know I'm from Maryborough, Dave. Of course. Because you came to Maryborough for our live podcast at the time when we brought hundreds of people to Maryborough and no local people. Oh, maybe three local people.

Yeah, there's a couple of local people. Three or four. My mum and dad and that's about a couple of local people. Oh, maybe three local people. Yeah, there's a couple of local people. Three or four. My mum and dad, and that's about a couple of local people. Oh, maybe two others. I met two others. A few random people. Maryborough is a small town, big town. Past Ballarat.

8,000 people or so. Yes, yep, yep, yep. Oh, and you had the shoe shop. No, you had several shops. Yes. And you went from shop to shop, and you worked in the shop. Yes. And you've talked about it.

Hang on, is this? It's on the debrief. Is this, this is your life? I know it from somewhere. No, from the debrief. Is this This Is Your Life? I know it from somewhere. No, from the debrief. It's on my podcast. Yes. Oh, maybe.

What a great podcast. Oh, what a good podcast, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As good as the – Somehow related, our podcast. Yeah, nice. We'll plug that at the end. Very nice, yeah.

No, but in the middle is even better. Just to play the conversation. Integrated. So I – recently I've been talking a bit more. People are always fascinated by all the weirdos that I grew up with in Maribor. A lot of weirdos. And all the funny names. Very high per capita in Maribor.

I'd reckon up there with anywhere else in the state, I reckon, Maribor. But I was reminded of one the other day. People like to hear about this stuff. But we had this real weirdo in our school. And look, this is a thing where people misinterpret song lyrics. Like that's been a thing for comedy or for whatever, for years and years. You know, you hear a song lyric and you think it's something else. But this guy in school had my favorite one of all time.

Now, I reckon the best way maybe to do it is I'll give you the lyric and you tell me what he thought it was. Okay. What's the lyric? The lyric is, so it's from the Rocky Horror Picture Show musical. The lyric, let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time warp again. Now, what did this crazy person in Maribor,

what was he singing out loud? What did he think that lyric was? Did he get the let's do right? No. Oh, my God. Okay. Coming out strong. Yeah.

Let's poo. Oh, here we go. Weird Al Yankovic over here. Let's do the, no, I can't get it. Lasso. Oh, yeah, that's good. Oh, yeah. Lasso.

That's better than what he got. Okay. Les do the – something about Les? I don't know. No, I've got no idea. Give it to us. Tell us. He thought let's do the time warp again was guess who's my old dad.

Yeah, but that's just – Guess who's my old dad? Yeah, but that's just... Guess who's my old dad? Apart from it not sounding like it. It's all in sync with the song. How is... In the context of... My old dad. That is great.

A chorus of people all wanting you to guess who's my dad. My old dad. He must have had a very bad radio. Broken speakers. I just wanted to know the musical that was built around that being the chorus of the whole thing. Guess who's my old dad. Then it's a jump to the left and a jump to the right. Yeah.

What? On topic of... Maybe it's a good theme for Ancestry.com. Who's that band who used to, like, when they'd be in the recording studio, they would, like like play the song through like you know like a radio

because it's like well that's how people are actually going to hear it no one has like expensive you know speakers in a studio that should be

the new version of that you do your song you get some fucking idiot into listen it's like what do you think the lyrics are

and if they get it completely ass wrong I was thinking about this this morning that Eskimo Joe song that was really big and there were like a few comedians that had a bit about how in the chorus he's like,

I don't understand the point of fingers. Fingers are great. It's like, that's not the lyric. Right. Yeah. What song was that? Black Fingernails. Black Fingernails, Red Wine.

Good band. Depth here. No, they're a band. How many times have you been on Spicks and Specks? 53, whatever. I was on Spicks and Specks with one of the guys from Eskimo Joe. Oh, really? Yeah, Black Fingal.

They're a great band. On the topic of getting it wrong, my mother was with her friend, and they're both in their late 60s or something, and her friend, because they both used to talk about books and arts and theatre, and she said, I would like – this is not my mother, my mother's friend – she said, I want to go back to university to do a thesis. You can probably do that if you really want to.

Yeah, they had nice toilets in there. Just leave one, don't flush it. That'll show. Everyone pushing now. Pushing. Pushing. Come on. You know what to do.

It's nice to think that she thinks only educated people can hang a shit alright guys we've got to wrap it up for another week on the little Dumb Dumb Club I'm going to pick up

the kids that's the rule as soon as a poo joke happens we wrap it up is it we should start we should finish very quickly

we should mention our podcast me and Glenn do a podcast called Somehow Related. Yes. Where we get two topics and we've got to work out how they are related. In the end, the robot tells us how they're related.

The great thing about podcasts, it's not a time slot thing. No, it's not. With TV, you can be on at the same time. We're not. You can dial up either one. You can download both. We put ours out regularly on a Wednesday morning. So that's our version.

That's the closest we get to a time slot. Oh, I see. That's time slot. So when do we go? We go time slot. Oh, I see. That's a time slot. So when do we go? We go Tuesdays. I don't know. I think it's Tuesdays. Yeah.

I don't know. We're like the big gig. You guys are more – what was on a Wednesday? Seinfeld used to be on a Wednesday? Wednesday was – Oh, Spixy Spix. Spixy Spix was on. Now, there's a good quiz.

Right. Nights of when? Oh, what shows were on what night? Muppets. As I said, Muppets Friday night. Hey, it's Saturday. It was Saturday night. The Bill used to be – Oh, wow. No, no. He As I said, Muppets Friday night. Well, hey, Saturday was Saturday night. The Bill used to be...

Oh, wow. No, no, I just came back on Wednesday. You're right. You've got a good memory. The Bill used to be Tuesday and Saturday as well. Minder? Minder was Friday nights, I reckon. Full Frontal Thursday, I reckon.

Thursday nights, Full Frontal was always... Comedy Company was... Sunday night, 60 Minutes. Because I would go out to my uncle's house and we'd have dinner. Oh, hello. And then he... Uncle Arthur? No, because in country Victoria

there was a comedy company that was on a different day, maybe on a Monday or a Tuesday, but Melbourne got it first so I would go out to my uncle's house, we lived on a hill who could pick up Channel 10 high reception and we'd watch it and I'd go to school on Monday morning and go guess what Uncle Arthur did now?

The Simpsons Wednesday? Yeah, Simpsons Wednesday. Big Gig was a Tuesday night. Wow. Big Gig was Tuesday? Yeah, Big Gig was Tuesday. I thought it was Thursday. I'm sure it was a Tuesday.

Don't forget your toothbrush and World's Weirdest TV, Wednesday nights. Yeah, Wednesday nights. The News, every night. Good memory. Oh, yeah. Disneyland, Sunday night. Countdown, Sunday night. Yeah.

Cop shop. Oh, that's going back. I reckon Countdown, Sunday night. Yeah. Cop shop. Oh, that's going back. I reckon that was Tuesday and Friday. Was country practice Monday and Tuesday? Yeah, some of them

were like, E Street was Tuesday and Friday, for example. All Saints Tuesday, Blue Heelers Wednesday. Oh, you were good. Yes. Yes.

Young Talent Time. Sunday night. Yeah, A-Team, Friday. It was in the country. What's that, A-Team? The A-Team.

Oh, the A-Team. Yes. Thank God you the country. What's that, A-Team? Oh, the A-Team. Yes. Thank God you're Fridays. Home Improvement was Sundays. Yeah, so those family shows they used to put on Sundays. 60 Minutes still is Sundays. Fuck, this is good. Yeah.

Disney was on Sunday because I'd have a bath. And they'd watch it. Yeah. This is a great game. I would love this conversation. Just doing this every week. Don't talk yourself down. It's great. Monday night, talk yourself down. It's great.

Monday night, Q&A. That's now. You're just watching what's on TV right now. I'm looking at a TV guy. Monday night when I lived in a share house in Ballarat doing TAFE was the best night of all because it was Media Watch, which we love. We love Media Watch too. Race Around the World.

Love that too. Race Around the World. Love that too. Race Around the World. There was another comedy that was on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was McFeast and there was also the one she did with politicians. No, that wasn't that one. It was something else. It was Good News Week.

It was Thursday night. Another comedy. And then there was the English Premier League after that. So we'd get in there and go from 8.30 till midnight. Oh, man. South Park was Saturdays when it first started I remember on SBS

yes and then they'd have like liquid television and all that weird shit on there Fat Pizza was Monday nights

yes loved Fat Pizza I loved Fat Pizza too I was in it I played the gull umpire I thought Reba Wilson was real

I thought she was just someone that got off the street in the country they save all the good shows like that for Friday night. So it'd be A-Team, there'd be Manimal, there'd be all that sort of Airwolf. All those shows

were on, those cool flashy shows were on Friday night. But in the country, so Marabara is in between Bendigo and Ballarat, which meant that we had access to both channels. But they ran the same programming on both channels, so you'd just flick it between channel six and channel a and see a team the a team like six seconds before yeah ballarat had it or whatever it

was that was basically the same shows on both channels every friday night and then you'd have one different show pop up and all of a sudden we're like we got two options boys orange is new black anytime because on netflix now yeah nice good memory um handmade south as i know praise New options, boys. Orange is the New Black? Anytime, because it's on Netflix now. Yeah, nice. Good one. Nice. Good memory. Handmaid's Self, is that right? Praise me.

Because this is interesting, because it is a family thing, where the family came together to watch something. Countdown, we used to. Only one, on once, only for the week. You'd have to gather around one television. Yeah. You only had one. That's right.

But now, you're watching it on your phone while you're buying drugs, because that's what the kids do these days. Can I just say? In that said, though, we sat around on Sunday night and watched Russell Coy with the kids. It's because it's perfect, 7.30, perfect time to watch something like that. Yeah, that's why. I'm doing it for the family. For the O'Neills.

For the kids. You know what? I did personal training this morning at the gym. And the guy – my personal trainer is – you've got to have something to talk about with him. So I've been with him for a little while now. And so it took me a fair while to admit that I was within comedy and stuff like that. And now we're getting into like – he's asking enough questions. I'm like, okay, I'm doing this.

And now he knows about the podcast. He's listened to a few episodes of the podcast now. So he understands all that sort of stuff and he's asking. And so then today he was saying, so what have you got up for the rest of the day? And I said, well, I'm doing a few podcasts. Oh, yeah, who are you doing podcasts with? Who are they? And I said, oh, I thought, oh, here we go.

Because he doesn't know – he's not a big comedy fan, but he knows the meat and potatoes. I said, oh, well, this might interest him. And I said, oh, Glenn Robbins is actually coming in to do a podcast. And he goes, oh, Glenn Robbins. Yeah, he's just come back on Russell Coyote. And I said, yeah. And he goes, ah, Glenn Robbins. Yeah, he's just come back on Russell Court. And I said, yeah. And he goes, how much money is he earning for that one?

I said, well, I don't know. I'll ask him. And he said, yeah, but that rated really well the other night. So he'd get a bonus on top of that, wouldn't he? Nice. And I said, oh, I don't think that's how it works. He goes, we'll ask him. Find out.

So there you go. I'll drop down and talk to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give him the whole. I'll bring my bank statement. Yeah. Tax return. Go down. He can have a'll ask him. Find out. So there you go. You can drop down and talk to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give him the whole – I'll bring my bank statement. Yeah. Tax return. Go down. Do a few reps and let him know.

It's like I went to a school reunion and everyone's standing around. Everyone's sort of a bit chesty and, you know, what are you doing now? What are you doing now? And this guy comes over and goes, well, you're doing television. It'll pay pretty well. And I went, oh, shit, yeah. I ain't making fucking – I thought, rude. I'm fucking – rude. I'm making fucking I thought rude I'm fucking

Yeah Rude I'm making heaps I don't know I've got so much I don't know what to do with it Which is not true Yeah

You're paid a lot of money In short term Yeah but there's no bonuses There's bonuses in radio Right There's definitely bonuses in radio So if you make number one There's no bonuses in TV

But if you make number one In say Sydney FM Breakfast You will get a bonus. Yeah, no, not in television. Not in television, though. Because, well, Russell Gould's all film, so it's not like in radio you can say, well, am I going to turn up tomorrow or whatever?

But the whole show's in the can. Yeah. There was a bonus system in that if it did well, then the DVD would do well. But DVD is, the market is dead. Yeah. Right. So now the only market is streaming,

and that's kind of like there's a transition period now whether or not you'll make across that reach. Right. So Russell Court will stop screening on Channel 10 and then it'll get bought by Netflix after that maybe? I don't know. I honestly don't know. Something like that will happen.

Yeah, I don't know. But that's – maybe, maybe not. I don't know. Is the first season online? No. The first couple of seasons online? No it's not on I don't think it's on Netflix

I haven't seen it on Netflix That's Secret Society of Working Dog They're keeping that from you I can't tell you We've got to upload all the episodes From our YouTube channel Channel 10's got it Channel 10

Yeah Right They've got it They've been They were replaying them all Yeah yeah They were replaying them all Yeah right

Okay But you know I'll Tomorrow I want to go down and do a few push-ups so I'll let him know. Let him know. I don't know,

but he got driven there in a Hummer and he took off in a helicopter. So, yeah, Russell Coyt's Sundays at 7.30 on Channel 10 and then the pilot Dave,

Friday, August the 24th, 8.30pm. And then it'll be on 10 play so watch it. There's a lot of people you'd know from the dum-, 8.30pm. And then it'll be on 10 play. So watch it. There's a lot of people you'd know from the Dum Dum. Plus, Russell Coy makes an appearance just to get 1.5 million people to go and watch Dave as well. You'd hope so. I don't know if it works like that.

I've got to say, Dave's show's great. And I worked on it. It's great. I haven't seen any of the others. I'm sure they're good as well. But Dave, I'm really barracking for that because I think it'll be great for everyone

if it gets up and I have to admit I was not in Dave's show and I didn't write for it so I would say it

sucks shit so yeah very big of you yeah very big of you Tommy's seen it he liked it yeah I liked it a lot and you know

podcast is somehow related yes that's what it's called with me and Dave great guys thanks heaps

for listening and we'll see you next time see ya mates yeah see ya poofs oh and they've done it again you're right usually I argue with you when we come back

and you say that and I'll vehemently say no but this week I got a side with you it's a big relief to see you not putting up a fight for once

and just copying it it's a good relief to see them finally for up a fight for once and just copying it. It's a good relief to see them finally, for the first time in my opinion, doing it again. Yep. We did it again for a long time this week. Was that a long one? Long one. That was like an hour 20. Oh, was it?

Yeah, yeah. Well, you can't fit talking about fucking biscuits for just an hour, can you? Or what time shows are on. That's a great bit. That genuinely is a really great bit. What night were shows on? But the best thing is it wasn't even us quizzing each other. That's a great bit. That genuinely is a really great bit. What night were shows on? But the best thing is it wasn't even us quizzing each other.

It was just each of us saying it as we remembered it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would that be the quiz show? Just name a show and what time it was on. Yeah, think of a show and then immediately afterwards tell me what night it was on. Yeah, great, great, great bit. And imagine still losing a point off it. The Simpsons, oh, fuck. Why did I say that? I don't know what night it was on.

But see, there would have been good for there to have been adjudicated because we're operating on different levels as well because I'm just going, oh, this is what time Prime Possum was on on Channel 7 in the country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, generationally, Dave and Glenn are naming shows I've never heard of before. And then I'm naming shows that to them must have felt like

they were on about five hours ago. You know, blue healers. Yep. For sure. Anyway, uh,

good stuff. Good to get Glenn back in here. And, uh, let's remind people, uh, check out the pilot, Dave,

Dave O'Neill's pilot, uh, Friday, August the 24th, 8 p 8 30 PM on channel 10 and catch up on the 10 play app. And, uh, yeah,

I think that keep an eye out, because I think there, isn't there something where the audience gets to, I don't know, I can't remember. But if there is, keep an eye out for it and get behind old Dave O'Neill. Great long-time friend of the show. I want to play Hugh's butler in a future episode. I want to play

Hugh's butler. By the way, I didn't get to bring this up, but we talked about the show, Hughy, We Have a Problem. It should be called Hughes, Everything Isn't Rick. Right, right. That's nice. I like that. Yeah.

And is that the record biggest gap between appearances, Glenn Robbins? It, ooh, probably. I reckon it might be. Yeah, probably. He was a very. He was,. I reckon it might be. Yeah, probably. He was a very, he was, well,

put it this way. He was back in the days when we'd only have one guest at a time and when we were in the radio station. So yeah, it probably would be. And back when, I think when the guests walked in, you know,

what they wanted to say pretty much ran the content of the show. We were sitting there going, oh, okay, what are we going to talk about this week? I don't know. It was a different world back then. It was very different to, we were sitting there going, oh, okay, what are we going to talk about this week? I don't know. It was a different world back then. It was very different to-

It was a lot of, the only questions we ever had in the chamber were, what's it like being famous? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a lot of that when people came through for their first time. And then we'd get people back on a second time and we're like, well, we used up all the stories about them being recognized in the street. What do we do now? Great.

And now the guests come on and they don't get any questions anymore. It's just us going, we walked down the street and the fucking tractor did a piss on me. Oh, okay. What do you think about that? They don't get any questions. They also struggle to get a word in edgeways. I like it. Anyway.

So those live shows. Those live shows coming up. Lots to, yeah, lots to chew on there, folks. Yeah. So Perth, Perth, we've just announced you recently. And, you know, look, reasonably recently, of course, Brisbane and Melbourne. So all of you guys are very good supporters of the show, especially, I would say, Brisbane and Melbourne.

And I would say that here's my guess. I reckon all three of those could sell out. I agree. Yeah. Big chance. I think there's of those could sell out. I agree. Yeah. Big chance. I think there's definitely the capability of all of them because they all are – yeah, they've got limited seating, all of them, and we are pulling big crowds to all of those cities.

So please don't dawdle. There's a reason why we moved a podcast away from Adelaide. Don't act like them. It's a nice feeling to have the back end of the year all sewn up. Yeah, yeah. Three live ones. And, you know, like Perth, that's your yearly one. So, you know, you can't sleep on this one because you won't see us for another.

If you miss this one, you haven't seen us for two years. Exactly. There's a bunch of new listeners out there that as we're dawdling across that great brown continent of ours at the moment that have never seen us. So new listeners have been picking up. Always, as I sort of mentioned quite often, always people going, oh, we've just found you and we're listening to all the episodes right now. Well, hey, if you're going to binge 100 episodes a day,

why not make the effort to come down and meet us? Yeah, totally. And see a live one. So yeah, once again, a little dum-dum club for all that kind of stuff. If you go to that website, you'll also be able to find a link to our Patreon, which is how we keep the lights on here. Thank you once again to everyone who supports the show on Patreon. At whatever value amount you chip in, it does mean a great deal to us.

We really appreciate it. Now, that URL is Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-A-O-N, not A, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com slash little dum-dum club. Because it's not a great website for searching for things. Right. So, yeah, use that exact URL. You'll find a little link for our page. Then you jump on and just pour money into the hole in your computer and it comes to us.

So part of the deal is we send out bonus content to various different tiers. We send a bonus magazine. We send a bonus episode once a month. But we also like to give back. We like to give a little personalized shout-out to the people who are the sponsors of the show, the people who keep the lights on, the mysterious or not so mysterious benefactors out there. And that's what we're going to do now.

So we're in your house. You haven't had to travel with the unplanned title alternator this week, which is how we make sure that the names are absolutely random and not just being read off of someone's laptop. So, yeah, do we need – we've been having trouble lately with the updates for it taking a while. Are we all good to go or what's the latest? It's all completely updated. Okay, great. Since between now and last week, there hasn't been that many updates, actually. Uh-huh.

Yeah, in comparison. Great. There's only been 7,000. 7,000. Oh, wow, slow week. Yeah, I know. For the boys down there at the factory. I think they went on holiday. Yeah, right. It must be nice. Down at000. Oh, wow. Slow week. Yeah, I know. For the boys down there at the factory. I think they went on holiday. Yeah, right.

It must be nice. Down at UTA. Yep. So, should we get into it? Do you want to fire up the machine? Yeah, yeah. I'm interested in seeing some of these updates this week as well. Okay.

So, yeah, let's find out. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ethan Hunt. Tommy. Ethan Hunt. Tommy. Yes. Ethan Hunt. Ethan Hunt. Tommy. Ethan Hunt. Tommy. Yes. Ethan Hunt. Ethan Hunt.

Right. That's the name of this subscriber. Right. Yep. Isn't that the main guy in Mission Impossible? Is it? Ethan Hunt. Yeah.

Fuck. Okay. Why? Why? Is this someone punking us again? Ethan Hunt. You're right. Yeah.

I thought that was the bit. No. That the UTI had spat out. No. Well, it's not a bit. It's someone that's put their name in there. I don't think I've ever watched one of those movies, so I wouldn't know. I really want to see that new one. It's meant a bit. It's someone that's put their name in there. I don't think I've ever watched one of those movies, so I wouldn't know.

I really want to see that new one. It's meant to be sick. Yeah, I don't really care. Yeah, cool. I don't care that you don't care. No, I don't care about the movie. No, I know. I know that's what you're saying.

Oh, well, I don't care that you're seeing it. Well, I've got to say, so far it's Mission Impossible, us getting a good riff off this guy's name. No, this is fine. All right, this is frustrating me when someone puts a new name, like a made-up name in. This is a waste of what we can do with this beautiful feature. I mean, it could be a coincidence, but you would think if it is,

you would be careful to put in brackets, by the way, this isn't a joke. This is my actual name. No, well, I thought the riff off this was going to be basically that one of the names he has actually rhymes with another thing. Ah.

Bleethin. Yeah, and I thought we could have talked about Bleethin. Bleethin. Yeah. That slur we could have talked about Bleethin. Bleethin. Yeah. That slur. All right. You know what? What? Well, I would say that that's his name.

Okay. I'm seeing the full details here. Really? So this is just a coincidence? I believe so. That is wild. Now that, yeah, that is interesting. That's good stuff.

That's really good stuff. Yeah. Man, Ethan, what is life like? Because you were looking at me like, eh? And I was like, okay, so you've deliberately, you've come up with a fake one that's the name of the guy in Mission Impossible and it was unclear to work out what you thought was funny about that.

Yeah. And also, I think that's a bit weird for you to say that, what, now after all this time, I'm just going to start suddenly making up names in a segment of the show well that i mean that that was i was like okay that's funny that he's doing that because imagine but what of all the names that you could make up why you know why would you why would you put in the name of the guy from mission impossible all right so this is this is the information i've got he uh ethan now i'm just going to go with the fact that what I think to be a fact that it is his name. Right.

So, it, in his email address, it's got Ethan Hunt in it. Okay. But it's also got a number in it. Right. Meaning traditionally that's the number of the year that you were born in. Mm-hmm. Now, that number predates the first Mission Impossible film. Right.

So, very possibly this bloke's been born a few years before Mission Impossible. Right. And as he's turned X amount of age, just gets hit with the fucking brick. Brutal. That all of a sudden your name is not your name anymore. Yeah, brutal. It belongs to the world. Well, I don't know.

Let us know what it's been like, Ethan. Yeah. Has it been good or has it been a bit of dun, dun, dun, dun, shit house? He's suspended from wires and he's on that computer, but he's just trying to legally change his name so that he doesn't have to be. Into that laptop.

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, you were a fan of the movies. Ghost Protocol was fucking sick. And this new one sounds really good as well. You get to see Tom Cruise break his ankle. Really? In the film. Is that the one?

He's doing all his stunts and he fucked himself up doing one of them and they left it in. That was ages ago, wasn't it? I thought that movie had already been out. When he just jumps across those buildings and then he fucks his ankle up doing one of them and they left it in. That was ages ago, wasn't it? I thought that movie had already been out. What? He just jumps across those buildings and then he fucks his ankle, but he rams into a fucking wall. I don't know.

I thought that was so long ago. I don't know. I think he does some version of that in all of them. Right. Anyway, thanks, Ethan. He does some version of that in all of them. That's what keeps the franchise going. Yes.

He breaks an ankle every movie. Every movie. Wow. And one of those things grows so much. Ethan, I wonder if he, Ethan Hunt, does he do all of his own stunts? So what, they didn't have to get a double in in order to subscribe to this Patreon? Yeah, he's using his own money, not using producers or something like that. Fuck, that's like meeting a bloke called James Bond.

Yeah. Like, it's got to semi-fuck your life forever, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I would argue, and the fact that you, you know, you didn't know this, it's, I don't think the name Ethan Hunt is as ubiquitous, you know, it's not, it's not as immediately recognisable. No.

So your day-to-day life would be, it's not like being called Homer Simpson or something like that. Right, yeah. It wouldn't be as bad. So your day-to-day life would be, it's not like being called Homer Simpson or something like that. Right, yeah. It wouldn't be as bad. Yeah, they're known as, they would be known as Mission Impossible films, or at the very least Tom Cruise films, not Ethan. No one's going, have you seen the last Ethan Hunt film? Yeah, the great character Ethan Hunt. I think there'd be a great deal of people who just think that the character's name is Mission Impossible.

Now that, now I would see that show. That seems better, yeah. I would see that movie. Yeah I would see that movie Yeah Tom Cruise plays Mission Impossible Tom Cruise If he's out in the street

Must get that a lot Oh my god It's Mission Impossible Oi Mission Impossible Let's have a photo Oh sorry for being rude Hey Mr. Impossible Oh my god

It's Risky Business Oi Risky Oi Risky Get a photo With me Risky Hey Mr Oi, Risky. Oi, Risky. Get a photo with me, Risky. Hey, Mr. Ology. Hey, Ology. First name, Science. Science.

No, Science. Science Ology. Do you know science? I wonder if there's any Scientologists that listen to this. Oh. That would be cool. Great question. Let us know.

If you're a Scientologist, we won't make fun of you. We will. We'll not back to you. We'll wait until we're on the air. We'll do it in private quarters. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, look, if you're a Scientologist and you listen to this show, you're not going,

oh, my God, I can't believe they made fun of me for being a Scientologist. If you listen to this and you're a Scientologist, come down to our next live podcast and we'll do some Dianetics live on stage. Let's do the personality test live on stage. No, they can, because they love doing it, they can do it to us. Yeah, that's what I mean. They conduct it. They come up on stage.

I thought you meant we conducted on them. No, no, that's the live event is us having it done oh and just the audience and just the audience watching going are they gonna buy in yeah please if look yeah we've got influence we we helped someone win a logi think of i mean you know we're basically the travolta of podcasting yeah we can we can get you a new cruise slash Travolta slash whoever the fuck else you idiots have got. Yeah. And by idiots, I mean, thanks for listening. No, look, that is a fascinating concept to think that someone that's into Scientology would listen to this podcast.

Yeah. And also, has a person in Scientology ever had a sense of humor? Interesting. Interesting. Because that doesn't strike me as a thing that they would have. And also, has a person in Scientology ever had a sense of humour? Interesting. Interesting. Because that doesn't strike me as a thing that they would have. Tom Cruise has always got that big smile. He's loving it.

He must listen to a lot of podcasts. How many big smiles is not having a sense of humour? Well, something's got to be causing the smile. Well, he's happy. That doesn't mean funny. Well, but I mean, I've seen him laugh. I think I've seen him laugh. Yeah, all right.

Look, I'll take it on board. Look, you know what? When we get our Scientology listener in. When we're both in the church beating the shit out of each other with a phone book. Yeah. In the basement. Yeah. Trapping our wives in a fucking basement until they serve us probably. Yeah.

Yeah. Look, when we get the Scientology listener on board, we can ask them all about it. I've had moments in my life where I've been so low that if there was – if Scientology had the prominence here that it has in the States, I've had points in my life where I've been so low where I reckon I definitely would have gone in. Really?

Yeah. I definitely reckon I would have been swept up in it by now. No doubt. Because they just offer you, you know, it's just like hope. Oh, you feel lost and you don't know what you're doing. Well, here's a community. We'll make everything better for you. See, it's happening already.

I'd be like, yeah, get me in. Well, next time you feel like that, let me know. And I will support you by getting you a personality test. Yes. Okay. You'll spot me a personality test. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I couldn't do it because they separate you from the people who don't believe.

Whatever they call people that don't believe. Is there a term they call it? Yeah, I don't know. There's a term for it, isn't there? Yeah, I can't remember. Yeah, it's fascinating. So wait, you wouldn't want me to be in Scientology because then that would mean you wouldn't be able to see me anymore? Yeah.

Wow, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Thanks, man. Well, then the podcast stops and I stop getting all the beautiful money from these Patreon people. From all the Ethan Hunts of the world. Exactly. It would be very mission impossible to make rent. Okay.

Thanks, Ethan. Next name, Miss Moneypenny. Next? No. Let's go. All right. thanks Ethan next name Miss Money Penny next no let's go alright thank you to Patreon subscriber Manny

Alvarez ooh this name I recognise do you from the socials I believe do you yeah it's an

interesting name I don't recall that it's a unique name at all really Manny I like it Socials I believe Do you? Yeah it's an It's an interesting name I don't recall that It's a unique name At all Really? Hmm Um Manny

I like it I think if I had Seen that name before I'd remember it Because that's quite a You know I feel like I'm Seeing the name of an actor

That's maybe like 12th, 13th character Off the rank on Better Call Saul Ah right okay Yeah Manny Albuquerque

Maybe playing a, maybe a, uh-oh, kitchen hand. Uh-oh. Fine. Kitchen hand. Not really.

Is it? Hey, you've got to have someone working in the kitchen. True. Yeah? True. Yeah, thank you.

Someone who's happy to work for minimum wage. Oh, I don't know what they pay over there. I just, where I come from, Maryborough, kitchen hand is like

one of the best jobs you can get. Is it really? Yeah. Right, right, right. That's interesting. What's the lowest? Mayor. Mayor.

Mayor is the lowest. Yeah. Right. So how do they get anyone to be the mayor? Well, everyone's got to get a job. You can't, it pays better than that. Right, right, right. So just the person who's most desperate for something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They become the mayor. That's interesting. It's like when, it doesn't pay very much at all. So like when you turn 16 and your mum and dad say you've got to get a part-time job, a lot of people apply for mayor. Right. Oh, interesting.

It pays like five bucks an hour. Fit in after school. Yeah. Do a bit of mayoring. Yep. Weekends. Do it from 3.30 till 6 and then your mum picks you up and yeah. Weekend, get up, have school sport, then straight off to the town hall, do a bit of mayoring.

Yep. Sunday's day of rest. Yep. So you get that off because you've got to do your homework. Yep. And then straight off to the town hall to do the mayoring. Yep. Sunday's day of rest. Yep. So you get that off because you've got to do your homework. Yep. And then straight back into it on Monday. Yeah. So what were you?

What were you? Did you ever do some mayoring when you first, when you turned 16? No, it was very competitive. Okay, right, right. So, yeah, look, a lot of people. I do, instead I had to go for another pretty poor, poorly paying job. Right. Yeah.

What was that? I was a judge at the courts. Right. Yeah. So that was like $4.50 an hour. Okay. Yeah. Did you put any innocent men away?

Well, look, the people I put away, in my head, they were guilty because why would I put them away? Well, because you're young and you're inexperienced. I just wondered if there's any, like, have you looked back in retrospect and gone, oh, I've got a few ones wrong. Yeah, look, at the time, I thought they were all guilty. In hindsight, I made some major mistakes with hundreds of people. A lot of people died unnecessarily.

So you're putting people to the death penalty. Well, man, I was 15. So they have the death penalty in Maryborough. Yeah, well, they did then. Yeah. Back then, it was, yeah, it was weird. That's what I was saying. I wish I had had a better job.

Right. But instead, I mean, A, you've not been paid very well and B, you're killing people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's fascinating. I'm fascinated to learn. You've talked a lot about Maryborough

and you've never brought up the fact that you were a judge for a brief period of time when you were 16. One of the things that I didn't think was very interesting, I thought everyone had that point in their life. Right. Yeah, because you didn't have that context. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just one of those things. Interesting, interesting.

I'm surprised you haven't told me that you didn't do it. That's how normal I find that story. Right, right. I thought it would be, check this out for an interesting story. When I was 15, I wasn't a judge. Yeah. If I heard that, I'd be like, did you make this up? This sounds like another Ethan Hunt movie or something.

Well, thanks, Manny. Thanks, Manny. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Marilyn Aleka. Aleka? A-L-E-K-A. Aleka. Aleka? Aleka. Aleka? A-L-E-K-A. Aleka. Aleka? Aleka.

Marilyn Aleka. Marilyn Aleka. Aleka? I hardly know her. Marilyn, what a millstone to tie around a young girl's leg. Marilyn, traditionally the most desirable lady in the world, Marilyn Monroe. Yeah. You're foisting on the 60s sex symbol moniker upon a small child.

Yeah. Good luck with that one. Was Marilyn Monroe actually hot? I can't picture what she looks like now. Is she actually very, very attractive or was it just an of the time, that kind of look and an essence? Yeah, back then they hadn't invented hot chicks. She was like a six.

I'm going to look up a picture. I saw her yesterday, you know what, in a picture. I saw her yesterday, yeah. She was a good looking girl. I remember reading a thing Where they were like saying about Why were you looking at A picture of Marilyn Monroe You know why

Marilyn Monroe You know why Because they sold I was working And there was a news article That came up That said they were selling The one picture

The one photo that exists Oh right Of Marilyn Monroe And John F. Kennedy Together Ah right Yeah so Yeah she's No she's pretty no, she's pretty hot.

Yeah, she's pretty hot. Yeah, she's hot. But I remember reading that they said by today's standards in terms of like, you know, weight and stuff like that, that she would have been, you know, considered, you know, not as hot. Really? Interesting. She was probably, I think they said something like she was like 140 kilos or something. What?

What? 140 kilos? Yeah, what? Marilyn Monroe. Yeah. So back then that was skinny, but these days that's not seen as skinny. She weighed 140 kilos? Yeah.

What are you basing, what are you doing? That's a good question Marilyn Aleka So Yeah Look I'm not saying you You are 140 kilos

Like your namesake But Yeah Hopefully you're not Yeah Aleka I don't know what sort of Last name that is

Yeah I don't know Yeah I can't That's That's a't know what sort of last name that is. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I can't. That's a... You know what? As we always do every week, we'll find out because this person will get in the group and go, actually, boys, and have a photo of the map of the town where their name originates from. And we love hearing it.

Do a country. Just guess a country where Aleka is from. I don't know. Norway. Oh, yeah, not bad. Didn't we have Norway the other week, though? Sure. I'll guess...

I like her. Come to me. What's a K country? Kazakhstan. I want to say maybe... I was going to say Austria. Austria's not it, is it? Let's say Austria. Okay. Well,, is it? Let's say Austria.

Okay. Well, let us know. Let us know, Marilyn. It's not right. Let us know, Maz. I'm not happy with Austria. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Meg Thompson. Meg Thompson, who came to Samui with us.

Yes. who came to Samui with us. Yes. She got a readout on a Patreon episode, but I think some people don't think that that counts as a normal episode. I don't think it does, yeah. So I didn't mark that box off on the unplanned title, so it's randomly come up again. Great.

Good person, Meg. Don't you think? Wow. No, she, good person, Meg. Don't you think? Wow. No, she's good. Wow. That was a comedy pause. Uh-huh. Comedy pause.

No, she, she works, uh, close to my house. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, now I'm off her. Works up the road. We nearly walked past her work before when- Did we really? When you got a chicken sandwich.

I did. I got a chicken, I got a hot chicken roll. Yeah. We did, uh, we just did two of these back to back. We just did two episodes and I did not have any food. Got to three in the afternoon and brother, I was fucking famished. Well, you could have walked up to Meg Thompson's work and got something to eat. Do they sell food there?

No. But if she had some leftover lunch, she could have got some of hers maybe and said, hey, can you give me this instead of the Patreon money this month? Yep. Yeah. Which, you know what? I would love to do this. Is there some way of getting a website concocted where we do Patreon

but with not money, with objects? So if you don't want to do that, we'll just get a steady stream of objects that people are sending to us. Not even necessarily objects, but it would be cool to start up a thing where, look, not everyone has the finances to be able to chip in on Patreon, but if you're able to offer

some kind of good or service. So if someone's like, hey, I'm a professional cleaner, what I'll do instead is both of you boys will come around and clean your apartment once a month. I think I'm a professional cleaner. What I'll do instead is both of you boys will come around and clean your apartment once a month. I'd take up – I'm looking at – I think I'm going to start being a piece of shit who gets a professional cleaner every couple of months. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm big enough to admit that I can't be fucked doing it myself. Right. Because you've seen my – I've got that half like fucking – I've got to get a mop in for half of it. I've got that like that fucking floorboard action. Oh, okay. You know?

You need to do a bit more than just whipping out the vacuum, I feel like. Okay. Well, see, I don't notice it with your house, but what I do notice when we go away, when we have a hotel room, you like to open up the suitcase and fucking spread it around the room. Yeah, but that's never intentional. That's every time I'm like, this time's going to be different.

I'm going to keep my stuff in some sort of order. Right. And then I have like the stuff that I need on day one is like right down the bottom i'm like oh well i've just fucked this everything has to come out right um that'd be good to go on holiday have a hotel room and then hire a cleaner yeah yeah yeah so you don't trust the hotel's cleaner you're like no no you got to go to a third party. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad. You're already getting free cleaning and then you're bringing in more cleaning.

Yeah. Fuck. What a real diss on the hotel. God. Thanks, Meg. Thanks, Meg. All right. Well, we better get out of here very quickly.

I think we've done enough for this week. We've got to do another one of these afterwards so we better start thinking about wrapping it up. I'll start. I'd wrapped it up but okay.

You want to do... Oh, right. Right, right. I mean we can do one more. All right. Okay. You're the boss. No, you're right.

Let's just finish it now. Okay, you're right. We'll do one more So Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ah Okay

Right Okay Well What Well you know Before when I thought I was What

Getting punked before Yeah By what By Ethan Hunt Yeah Yeah when I thought I was getting punked before. Yeah. By what? By Ethan Hunt? Yeah. Yeah. Just – look, yeah.

Look, I haven't seen any of the Mission Impossible movies, so I didn't know that one. Yeah. I don't watch a lot of movies. Yeah. So – You think this one might be punking you as well? Well, it's just got that vibe. You're not sure? Okay. Hmm. So. You think this one might be punking you as well. Well it's just got that vibe.

You're not sure. Okay. Okay. Alright. Thank you to Patreon subscriber The Fast and the Furious Comedy.

No they're well they're punking you. What do you mean? They're punking you. They've spelt it wrong. It's the you think it might

be a film. The Fast and the Fur wrong. You think it might be a film. The Fast and the Furious comedy, you think it might be a film. Again, I don't watch a lot. Is it or not? No, the King of Comedy is a film. Oh. So they're playing funny buggers here. They deliberately misspelt King as Fast and Furious.

They've used their normal first name, the Fast and the Furious. Yeah. And they've put comedy in there from the King of Comedy. Yes, yes. I think that's what's happened. Right. I think the sensible money is on that's what's happened. Guys, stop, you know, sending these stupid names.

Yeah. It's annoying. No one's enjoying this. Yeah. Grow up. Yeah, grow up. People are listening to this with their ears. Yes, and they're offended.

They're offended. Never call here again. Never in your life. I've never been offended. Yeah, look. Yeah, I'm not usually offended, but even your new Indian cleaners that are cleaning your apartment, they're offended. Even them.

Have we ever said what this is a reference to or not? Probably not. Wouldn't have thought so, Ed. Anyway, thanks Fast and the Furious comedy. Yeah. What's wrong with the name?

Grow up. What's wrong with the name that your mum gave you? Fucking hell. It's your money. name? Grow up. What's wrong with the name that your mum gave you? Fucking hell. It's your money. All right. It's $69 a month. Oh, great. Thank you to everyone who supports the show on Patreon.

Greatly appreciated by us. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all those tickets to upcoming shows. We've got the merchandise, the T-shirts and stuff that you can pick up down at that website. Yes, we've pre-recorded a bunch of these, so we have a lot of great episodes coming up in the next few weeks, including some great guests, some big guests, some big returning guests as well. So that's going to be awesome.

And, yeah, we'll see you next time. See you, mates.