The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 412 - Fiona O'Loughlin & Nick Capper

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

It's The Queen and The Pauper this week as we're joined by FIONA O'LOUGHLIN and NICK CAPPER! Capper gives us his baffling theory on creativity, Fiona shares an incredible anecdote about McDonalds, Chandler's had a run in with some youths, plus we reiminsce on some sweet tales of boarding school bullying! Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:BRISBANE: We're heading back to do our 2018 stand-up shows back-to-back PLUS a huge live podcast! OCTOBER 21.MELBOURNE: We're doing a huge live episode PLUS a roast! OCTOBER 27.PERTH: We're heading back for our annual huge day of stand-up and podcasting! NOVEMBER 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with special guests Nick Capa and Fiona O'Loughlin. But first of all, we got to drop in at the start of the episode and let you know about some very exciting live engagements that we have coming up. Carl, let's open up that diary and tell me what we've got coming up. Very quickly, we've got some live shows coming up. Brisbane, we're hitting you up on Sunday, October the 21st at the Triffid 1pm.

We're doing solo shows plus a big live stand-up with some favourite guests. Then we're rocking on to Melbourne. Finally, we're getting to Melbourne to do our live Adelaide podcast, Don't Ask. Saturday, October the 27th at 8pm at the Comics Lounge in North Melbourne. And then Perth, we're going over to Tommy's favourite state, WA,

and we're doing a big live podcast and some stand-up shows on Sunday, November the 18th at 4pm. Yes, so that's going to be heaps of fun. Great guests at all of those. Always love meeting the listeners and stuff at all these gigs. So get out, check us out, littledumbdumbclub.com if you want to get around us, as the kids say. Yes, looking forward to them.

The show is also on Patreon. You can support the show for whatever amount you choose each month and it is very much appreciated by us. We are going to be reading some names out of some of our favourite contributors at the end of this episode. But until then, enjoy this week's show with Nick Capa and Fiona O'Loughlin. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And sitting across from me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Follow-up on last week week's ep still no cups in here oh yeah knew we had company coming over again we we live here together no i don't live here this is tommy dasolo's new house he's got nothing in here there's uh there's just a mouse hole in the wall yep um and then we're sitting on um we're sitting on milk crates yep uh we We're talking into a milk podcast. Milo tins with string in them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's now, it's not really a new, I think I've crossed the dateline threshold of having lived here long enough where it's now depressing that I don't have certain things. Do you know what I mean? You have that two-week window where it's like, hey, it doesn't have cutlery. Yeah, that's kind of charming. Now it's like, it's been three weeks. Get some fucking cups.

And also your priorities are fucked up. You don't have any cutlery, any glasses, but you've got a drum kit. Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I've got my Nintendo figurines proudly on display. Nothing to drink out of though. But look, let's welcome in the guests who are sitting here very parched because they've not been offered a drink by me, the host of this house.

We can pour some cordial on those drum kits over there and you can lick it off if you like. First of all, joining us, it's Nick Capper. How's it going, guys? What a surprise to be here. I'm finally on the podcast. I thought you were going to say, what a surprise, you're finally in a house that's got even less stuff in it than your house.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, electric drum kit. This is crazy. And also joining us, the queen of the jungle, Fiona O'Loughlin. Hello. So you thought you were used to living in fucking squalor in the jungle and now you're here. I know. They probably had a cup in the jungle, didn't they?

Yeah, we had tin cups. I lost mine. I lost everything. How do you lose something in the jungle? I know. It was crazy. I only had 12 things, about 12 things,. I lost mine. I lost everything. How do you lose something in the jungle? I know. It was crazy. I only had 12 things, about 12 things, and I'd lose them. Sorry, I didn't watch it, Fiona,

even though I probably retweeted it heaps of times. I was like, I was behind her the whole way, but I wasn't. I didn't watch it. Who else was on with you? Fucking hell. Have we covered this? There's some research. Have you covered this in an episode?

No, no, no. I mean, we don't know either But sure you're a fucking idiot At least we don't ask it Josh Gibson The footy player Oh yep Gibbo Gibbo

Danny Green Oh yeah Danny I like Danny Is he nice He's fantastic Yeah he seems like a nice guy Very funny man I didn't like when Mundine

Was ragging on him Oh Mundine's Not right Yeah Yeah I'm no doctor But I think there's been A few too many punches Mundine was ragging on him. Oh, Mundine's not right. Yeah, yeah. I'm no doctor, but I think there's been a few too many punches to the head. Of a boxer. That's weird.

I know. I think the same about you, but punch out of a punch bowl instead of. I had some falls. Off the wagon. I had some falls. Off the wagon. I love that. When I woke up, I was told, when I woke up from the coma,

I was told that I had a 12% chance of life and a 7% chance of being normal. Wow. Right. We will never know. I think we know. Do you think I'm a bit, like, dumber? I'm still waiting to form a verdict. Okay. Yeah.

Anyway, so the jungle. By the end of this podcast, we'll tell you. Yeah. Jungle, there was a model in there. She was lovely. Do you reckon she would have stolen your cup? Simone Holtz-Nagel or something? Yeah, Holtz-Nagel.

Holtz-Nagel, yeah. No, I just lost things. I can't. Yeah. I think I could have ADHD. From the coma? I thought, no, no, my whole life. Because I thought that ADHD means that you just can't sit still.

I can sit still, but my mind is an absolute confusion. Yeah. I'd like to go in and get the raft of tests done. ADHD, autism, I want the lot. I want the lot checked out. The smorgasbord. Yeah, get under the hood. Find out what's going on.

Give me the genius smorgasbord. Just the depressing thing would be coming out of that and going, absolutely, like nothing going on. Yeah, I've done that physically before where I think you go in for a grease and oil change and just go in and go Give us everything And then they sort of check your heart And go you seem alright

And I'm like No I want some experiment stuff Yeah yeah yeah Tell me what everything does It's like this is as good as it's possible For you to feel There's nothing that we can do for you This is it

Surely there'll come a time though Where you just walk through an x-ray machine And it just goes off You've got something Yeah yeah Just so Wait so you're getting scanned at the airport And you walk through an x-ray machine and it just goes off. You've got something. Yeah, yeah. Just so – wait, so you're getting scanned at the airport and you walk through it and it's like – You might want to get that checked.

That's like Capo exiting Target and just the alarm's going off because he's fucking stolen another pair of slippers or whatever. Uh-oh, the genius alarm's going off. That's the alarm of cool dude. Wouldn't that be a crazy thing to come out at the airport when you get scammed by the X-ray machines? There's medical shit that comes out of it, but they just can't be fucked bringing it up.

Like, oh, that guy's got cancer. Hope he knows that. Have you ever heard that theory that there is a cure for cancer? It's just not for the likes of us. Right, right. Because no royals have ever had cancer. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's Because no royals have ever had cancer. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. But then. But Steve Jobs had cancer. Exactly. Yeah. That's what disproved this. Yeah.

I don't know, Jobs. Does he have as much money as the royals? Yeah. But he would be, that would be the thing though, if that is what would make me believe, you know those conspiracy theories that always go around about this person, they actually didn't die. So it's like, Jobs is

alive, but the world just is. They did cure his cancer. The world just isn't ready to know that. So he's just living in isolation somewhere. And they just went through with this fake death. If someone put that to me, I'd believe that. It'd be cool if you went to somewhere like Maryborough. I'll put it to you. I know, and I It'd be cool if you went to somewhere like Maryborough. You just put it to you.

You just did put it to me. I know, and I'm on board. I believe everything I've got to say. I love conspiracy theories. Me too. You're saying the royals didn't have cancer, but it's that thing where there's not that many royals, and you don't know what happened 200 years ago,

because people didn't know what cancer was back then. People say now, oh, there's autism now, but it didn't used to be 300 years ago. Well, there probably was. It was just the people that got rocks thrown at their heads because they were the village idiots or whatever because they were a bit weird. Princess Diana could have had cancer. Do you have a front porch? Because you

really need to sit out on it yelling at the neighborhood kids. Oh, I would love that. I would fucking love that. I've always wanted to make my profession someone who's actually supposed to be yelling at people. I reckon Carl is one energy drink from being a ranting homeless guy on the train. You gave him one Red Bull, he'd just be like, fuck you.

I'm too resourceful. I couldn't be one of those crazy homeless people. I can rant on trains, but I know that I can do better than fucking live on the train. I'm too resourceful. I'll figure out way of of making money off it or something but you've got not quite a porch but you've got like a balcony situation at your house you could sit on a rocking chair out the front there and just see how it feels yeah you've got to be out the front yeah he looks onto the street yelling at the young folk yes yes um i fuck i should have yelled at someone the other day i walked out i was on on there Great regrets of Carl Chandler

I know because I walked out the front and in the middle of the day This is 12.15 at lunch time There was a guy taking a big old piss Out the front of my house the other day I thought we were going to talk about the poo jogger I nearly killed myself You did tell a story on this two weeks ago About how you took a shit in a children's playground

As you were walking home That's karma Jesus Christ, thank god I skipped that one You did tell a story on this two weeks ago about how you took a shit in a children's playground as you were walking home. That's karma. That was 500 metres away. Jesus Christ. Thank God I skipped that one. No, but what about this? So where I live, and I've lived there for a year or something now,

we did a live show not very long ago to celebrate Dilrub winning the Logie. I don't know if you know that Dilrub, do I sing it? Fiona? I was sitting with Dilrub at the logos I was so pissed off because he didn't come and kiss me but not that I gave a shit

other than the cameras would have then seen me I would have had more more air time he should have like put a full on pash on you and made him think

that you were a couple that would have been fucking great and then the gossip pages of us weekly lighting up who is what's going on

but then I've always made it, you know, it's a rule. I don't kiss darkies. I think we keep to our people. They keep to theirs. Can I come and join you on your court? Congratulations on getting a nomination for Best Newcomer for the Bolt Report next year. Should be good stuff.

Could that Bolt guy, seriously, he's making me literally have violence. Pick a lane. You don't like coloured people and you don't like Andrew Bolt. I was being ironic about the colour. How'd you survive in the jungle?

What's your beef with Bolt? Apart from everything. I want to – look, here's the thing. He's a windbag. He's this – because of Me Too and Time's Up and all of that, any of you roll your eyes, I'll knee you in the balls. Because what's happened to the likes of my age group, right, it's now you look back over the years and you go, oh, my God,

that was horrific. Because we didn't see that this would ever change, you know. And now the likes of Andrew Bolt literally bring out a fury in me. I want to find out where he lives. Yeah. I want to punch him so hard in the face. Oh, hell yeah. I saw him.

When he did his show, and so for people that don't realise, people from overseas, he's like a right-wing crazy person that's got access to newspaper. Yeah, he's a newspaper columnist. Yeah, he couldn't get any more airtime. He's like a right-wing crazy person that's got access to newspaper. Yeah, he's a newspaper columnist. Yeah, he couldn't get any more airtime. He's everywhere. You know what I mean? Because there's just so many right-wing people.

And he's like the most read columnist or something like that. Oh, man. Yeah, but that's his tagline. How many columnists are there? He's devoid of character, like a right-wing nutbag. I don't mind the ones that are's like this in print A big character But he's like a robot That's trying to be human

Or something like that No he's like a guy That just sees the news And goes alright What's the worst take on this Yeah yeah yeah Like he's in a fucking You know

Laboratory I think he's deeply Misogynist Oh yeah I think we offend him Right I remember years ago When I

Okay I called Bindio and a freak on – Spicks and Specks. Okay. It's my favourite episode. Well, it's funny. But also that show is – they pre-record that for an hour or more and your job as a comedian, it was like speak up, speak often.

I remember the producer used to say that. Speak up, speak often. Just riff. Just do what you do as comics. And then it's up to them what they edit. Yes. It was only 20, I don't know. 22 minutes or something.

22 minutes. So someone at the AB, I've gone along, done my job. I'm not a network executive You know I didn't just go They didn't just go And welcome to the panel Fiona Bindi Irwin's a freak

We were talking about a bigger thing And anyway Then Andrew Bolt writes this column So I've had him since then So I'm in his column. So he calls me, he goes, alcoholic mother of five. Now, right there, do you say with, you know, Barry Humphries is an alcoholic, you know,

do you go alcoholic father of three? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a fucking dickwad as well. And then he... Hey, his name is used for the best comedy show in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, so he must be a good guy. He must be.

And he's not even a comedian. To be honest, they should change the name of that award to the Polanski or something, a bit nicer. Oh, God. The Polanski Award. Is Humphreys just trolling us, though? This feels like it's him going like trans people shouldn't have rights, like a man who's made a fortune dressing as a woman is just like,

this has got to be a troll. No, it's not because it's like that theory of You know The older you get The more right wing you get And that's just him He's just gone for that age If he's like Sacha Baron Cohen-ing us That's sick

Yeah He definitely isn't Because it was about Five years ago He wanted to This probably only Got talked about in Adelaide Because it was the Adelaide Fringe

He wanted to ban The F word Oh no I read that Yeah Because he was like What is he the Oh, no, I read that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he was like the, what is he, the patron of it or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think it was the festival, not the Fringe.

The F word. Yeah, no more saying fuck ever. Really? And it's like you're not a stand-up, Barry. So like he's only ever done characters that don't require, like Dame Edna, that character. I've never seen Barry at an open mic. I'm still waiting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I don't respect him. He hasn't been in a spline. Every time I rock up to a sign up night, I'm like, where's fucking Barry? It'd be awesome if he's up there at open mics trying out new Dame Edna gear. Not in the gear, not in the wig or the makeup or anything, just reading it off a sheet of paper. Barely doing the voice.

Hi, possums. If stand-up is essentially reflecting what we are, you've got to use all the words. You can't just cut out the words. Yeah, and it's a modern vocabulary. That's how people speak these days. A lot of people speak these days. It totally is.

He's coming from an era of the 50s. What's he always talk about? Going out in the Moonee Ponds and all that sort of stuff and whatever. It's like, this swearing has got to be gotten over because it's here to stay. I find it weird. I think you just become rich enough, famous enough and old enough that you just go crazy. You're just like, it clicks at one point.

You're just like, that's it. It's like Elon Musk was on a pretty go crazy. You're just like, it clicks at one point. You're just like, that's it. It's like Elon Musk was on a pretty good track and he's just like, alright, I'm on a good track here. I'm doing well. Alright, the dude who saved the Thai kids, you're a pedophile. You know what I mean? He just clicks over one day. It's like you wake up and it's like Barry Humphries. I don't know.

Maybe you eat a bad sausage roll at 7-Eleven or something like that and you just click. Sign just can work out the exact amount of money that's in your bank account and it clicks over. As soon as you earn that much money, you're just fucking seen off. It doesn't matter how old you are. Isn't it like as you get older, it's a bit more like you just don't have patience anymore?

That's why people – it's like the Seinfeld routine about older drivers just don't even look when they reverse park anymore. It's like, no, I've got no time for that. You've got limited time left. It's like, no, I've got no time for that. You've got limited time left. It's like that's what older people do. They just go, I've got no time to think about anyone else anymore. I'm just going to be selfish from now on. I was tolerant towards other races and other sexes and now,

no, it's me time now. I'm 80. Fuck everyone that's not me. Actually, that kind of makes sense. I'm kind of with Barry now. What's the thing we'll be rebelling against when we're like 70, 80? Do you know what I mean? What's the thing that we won't have any fucking time for?

Yeah. Robots. God, I hate robots. Gay robots. But maybe what the answer is is that we won't have to. I think these generation gaps are ridiculous. Yeah. It's got to end because we've all got the same information.

Once upon a time You'd write in your diary And hide it under your mattress Yeah Now We all have the same information Why are we lying? Why are we bullshitting?

Yeah That's true And pretending to be shocked I find it weird Also when comedy Stops being creative You're like Oh

Who are you? Yeah You're making creative Stuff to make people laugh And you're like I bet you if you go to Barry Humphrey's house You're like who are you you're making creative stuff to make people laugh and you're like I bet you if you go to Barry Humphrey's house

you're like who's this guy you know what I mean or you're trying to make a creative concept or a creative thing

if you say things like transsexuals or ban the F word you are no longer creative you might as well be hosting Art Attack.

What? I was almost with you. That felt like the tracks were being built as the train was going along. You know, sometimes if you're creative and then you're in someone's house and they're like, they're transgender and then there's a glass of cordial and you're looking at the glass of cordial and you're like, I was hoping you guys were following it because I was like, I'll just ask you guys at the end of the show.

I could tell you, I was like, boy, I really want to impress Carl by making it clear that I know what's being said right now. No, but when hosting Art Attack, that's when I became not creative. It makes no sense. The most uncreative you can be is to be involved in an art show. Yeah, but you just tell them people to paint by numbers. You're just like, oh, this is a bit of cardboard. The most uncreative thing in the world.

Like a guy like me, I make the art from the start. But he's not. Art Attack, he's taking clothes off the laundry, off the clothesline. He's putting them on the ground and then when you look at it from the start, you know. But he's not. Art Attack, he's taking like clothes off the laundry, off the clothesline. He's putting them on the ground and then when you look at it from the sky, it's like a replica of a Picasso. Look, to be honest, I haven't. All you're doing up there on stage is talking about a 69er that you had four years ago.

Look, to be honest, I haven't seen Art Attack. Okay, all right. You're the least creative person I've ever met. That's on Doe's show, yeah? I've ever met that's Arndo's show yeah so hey so what I was

going to say before was at my house right is that speaking of art yeah we were talking about Fiona at the Loggies

Fiona at the Loggies with Dillrack so we did that we did that live show now we got to the end of the show and these guys

come up and everyone was like drunk afterwards and remember that remember back then yeah yeah when that used to happen anyway so

wow yeah Jesus back in there still invited Barry comedian shouldn't drink hi I'm Fiona O'Loughlin patron of the

Melbourne International Comedy Festival so we got to the end of the show And these guys were coming up Going ah Chando Yeah great show Whatever

And I'm talking to them for a while And then one of them goes Yeah you know what I think I live next door to you And they're like What And he goes And I go what do you mean

Like in the same street In what suburb He goes oh Thorn I'm like yeah And he's like I'm like what in another building no no in your building in your i live next door to you i'm like really in the same building and he goes yeah and these guys are listeners big listeners and they're like super keen and everything they're like we live next door to you and i go how do you know that you live next like i don't give my address out or anything and he goes oh i've just

seen you you know a lot and you walk in and out. Classic. Loves it. Fair enough. He's like, oh, I've nearly said hello to you a bunch of times but then I thought, oh, I'll leave him alone or whatever. But I've seen you around about. Oh, and the fact that my car park is right next to a car that says got him

on the first size number plate. That is a bit of a giveaway. So it's true. Yeah. This genius though, you can never be too sure though, can you? Yeah. Sometimes they just allow two.

Is he okay? I haven't seen him since but I did find it very funny because then these guys just got really drunk and were like, we're going to fucking get an Uber with Chanda. I'm like, all right, no worries. Yeah, great. I've just, so I'm in this, I've lived in this apartment building for a gender at home. All right. No worries. Yeah, great. So I've lived in this apartment building for a couple of weeks now. I'm busting.

I'd love it if there's someone in here that listens to the show. That would be great. Or to just pin up on the communal notice board. A few little ads. Get the whole building going. Why don't we just give out the address now? No. No.

What is it? I'll give out my license number, but I will not give out my home address. Bring plates. Yeah. Yeah. What is it? I'll give out my licence number But I will not give out My home address Green plates Yeah Yeah If you work at Yeah if you work at Bed, bath and table

You can supply me with some House goods What about this? So there's a notice board For this Because you're in an apartment building Yep Flush them out

How's this? Go out there Put a sign out in the notice board And it just says Is anyone in this apartment building Aware? Nice Okay

Or just a poll Is everything Rick? Yeah To see what kind of answers I get Put those two is anyone in this apartment building aware? Nice. Okay. Or just a poll. Is everything Rick? Yeah. And see what kind of answers I get. Put those two. I love that. Put that out there.

Okay. I'll do it. All right, I'll do it. See if anything happens. I love if that's code for something like the fuck dungeon is ready or something like that. There's a few people in this building that have done the sweet thing of leasing out their car space. Now, that is – that's a huge – all you're doing is just profiting

off a fucking bit of concrete that's been allocated to you. That is fucking sick. That makes me want to sell my car just to be able to lease out my car space. Or your parents' car, but anyway. You should have lunch with Andrew Bolton. Really talk about it. Get this off your chair. I just want to find a space in here that I never see a car in.

Then I just lease that one out. Who's ever going to know? Just lease out the car park and put a tent there and turn it into another dwelling. I could lease this balcony. People could sleep on that. That's not bad. Capa. Capa would be a big chance for it. What do you reckon? It's a roomy balcony. People could sleep on that. Yeah. That's not bad. Capa.

Capa would be a big chance for it. What do you reckon? It's a roomy balcony. You could get most of your things. You could get all your stuff out there. Yeah, it's good. What do you reckon? It's got windows.

That's good. That's a big tick for me. I lived in a room with no windows for about three years. No, but you're outside on the balcony. Yeah, yeah. It was horrible. So your view is just into my house. Capa, is your story you went to jail?

No, I went to jail for six years when I was young. That's not. People call it boarding school. Oh. He had Fiona going. Nice. He had Fiona going then. Did you go to boarding school?

Yeah, I went to boarding school. I went to boarding school. Oh, did you? Which one did you go to? What a fucking great ad for boarding school between the two of you. Wow. I loved it. The pillars. Wow. I loved it. The pillars of success.

I loved it so much. Why? Because it was like funny girls. Like I wasn't, you know in school where you've got the cool kids. Oh, yeah. The jobs. The, what else? You've got the sluts, the pretty girls.

Oh, yeah. Are you saying the sluts, the pretty girls Oh yeah Are you saying the sluts are the pretty girls? I don't know what I'm saying I used to You know those pretty girls that are like head job pretty? That's what I call them Oh wow I think you're going on the list

I always say that to my boys I'm like, yeah she's pretty but, but she's head-jumping. Jesus Christ. But what does that mean? Well, it kind of means. Oh, that's great. They just, you know what it means. I don't.

I've never had one. We're winking at Fiona, but we have to play dumb into the mics just so we don't get tarred with this brush. No, no, no, but I want to nail down exactly what it means. Does that mean, head-jumping pretty means that there's nothing beyond a hedge? Like you wouldn't want to get anything beyond a hedge job off someone? Is that what that means? Maybe it's me being really old and judgmental.

Hedge Job Pretty looks a bit like this. Oh, right. Big blow-up dolly. Okay. Oh, right, right, right. More of a physical thing than a character. Yeah, Than a personality Kind of character

Anyway you've got all these Different types at school But then you You say this to your sons About I have said once To a son When he's talking about a girl

With a light And I said Yeah but she's a bit Head job pretty She's pretty But she's a bit head job pretty I could imagine my Imaginary dick

Going into her mouth What What No Because you don't have a dick. You're just saying the head jump. This is a strange pairing that we've gotten together today. I know where it's all going, but this car is going all over the place.

This is a wild ride. I reckon it's good. You've got all these different types at school. You've got the cool kids. You've got the jocks. You've got the popular kids yep yeah you've got the jocks yep you got the hgps popular girls then you got the two weird girls all too weird girls who don't need anyone but each other you know oh yeah oh yeah that's me and carl but i laughed myself stupid i learned nothing wait

who are we talking about i've gotten confused me at boarding school oh you were boarding school who was the other So you were one of the two funny ones Yeah We weren't even funny We weren't popular funny It's just that we Were in our own funny land

You got each other And you didn't need anyone else Are you still in contact with her Yes And Oh really Yeah She's

Her name's Jasmine right And this is the funniest thing That I saw With her Now she's like We refused She did as well, refused to grow up and become, we refer to the normal people as Darrens and Karens. Oh, that's good. We're just not playing Darrens.

We won't play grown-ups like that. And it's what I was talking about before with this, people censor their children. For what reason? I have no idea. But Jasmine's flat out. She's actually a very incredibly generous person in that she's raised about 30 kids. She doesn't go through foster channels because she's a maverick.

She just – people know. She lives in Tennant Creek. She kidnaps them. She kidnaps them. People go up to her and go, oh, can you look after my baby? Can you look after my baby? I thought you were going to say she was going up to people going, you've got a spare kid?

No, no. People in trouble know that Jasmine will take a baby. Right. And she'll keep them for up to three years or more and then happily give them back as soon as the mother's out of jail. She's incredible. Oh, wow. An absolutely incredible woman,

but she has no time for the niceties and conformities of society. Right. So she used to come down from Tennant Creek and stay at my place. And this might shock people, but to me this is beautiful. One of her natural born kids, not that she differentiates, but her little, he was about five, and she was going to, they used to love coming to Alice Springs because they'd go get

breakfast, McDonald's. Yep. And he's five, and she's gone to get the breakfast, McDonald's, but she missed it by two minutes. So she comes back, he's expecting the pancakes and the McMuffinin and she comes back with the burger and he his little heart is broken okay and she's hugging him he's crying he's five

and then he said to her and she's not one bit shocked by this because it's just they just don't have time for censoring themselves he's hugging her her. She's hugging him. He's a little boy crying, getting the comfort from his mother. He goes, you just should have gone earlier, you dumb cunt. Oh, fuck. Where is this kid now? Get him in. It was without doubt the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And she's still hugging him going, I know, I know.

Does she snow? I beg your pardon, young man. God damn. You just should have gone earlier, you dumb cunt. Now, that's good gear, but that was performed beautifully. I've got to say, I'll happily put my hand up. I had no faith. We were getting near the end of that and I was like,

I don't reckon she's going to pull it out. I reckon she's taken us on too much of a fucking... You thought, here comes capper number two. This will not pay off. This is going to get to the end and the kid's going to go, let's go home and watch Art Attack. Yeah, yeah, or it's going to be something so rude that I have to edit out. Isn't that –

God damn. To me, that's a beautiful story. Now, what I went to say at the start now – And he's right too. Yeah. That's the best bit. He's absolutely right. No, he's not anymore. There's the best bit. He's absolutely right. No, he's not anymore.

There's all day breakfast now. Well, that story won't be tracking with the younger listeners because they're like, what's he doing? She's being a bit unreasonable. She could have just still gotten him pancakes. For any listeners that have been born in the last three months, they won't be able to follow that logic since it's been changed. The other thing was I was starting to go,

this is an Adam Sandler movie where they get there too late for the breakfast. You've conflated that with your own life. Yeah, and then this kid goes on the pro golf tour and wins a major in his first session. Goes back to school. He's five. I don't know how that works.

Now he's a demon. Wow, weird. Anyway, the childhood story and what you said at the very start of the episode reminded me of a fucking weird thing from school for me. Fuck yes. Here we go. episode reminded me of a fucking weird thing from school for me. Fuck yes. It was – Here we go.

You like this shit. A lot of weird shit from school. Yeah. A lot of weird shit. Yeah. So I once was in a – I think I've been in like one proper fight and it wasn't even a good fight or anything. So it was like year seven or something and whatever happened was like

me and some kids said something to each other or i don't know i don't even know what happened but all of a sudden everyone else was like these two are gonna have a fight and we're like oh are we yeah yeah these two are fighting tomorrow at school like at lunch best thing about school is all the fucking event planners just come out of the woodwork immediately we'll take it from here yeah what time's good for both of you yeah yeah totally so then it was like the next lunch time are you scared was I scared

yeah I don't think I was scared I think I was just like confused because I was like oh this would be weird I haven't had these before

and the thing was because then then all the infrastructure took a course where it was like oh you know everyone else is planning what time

and we'll do it here because then the teachers won't be able to see the bookies are getting involved yeah all that sort of stuff so by the end it was like a like a one minute argument from the day before i don't even remember what it was about by then i'm like oh we are we still right okay i've got to go there at one o'clock and and do this and you know everyone gathers around it's me and this guy who i didn't care about at all and then so it's like us facing

off and i'm like i didn't know what because off. And I'm like, I didn't know what, because I hadn't had a fight before, I didn't know what was supposed to happen now. We're just looking at each other and I say, shall we start now? And everyone else goes, yeah. So then, like we have some form of a fight, but it didn't end there.

It was like, it gets broken up and then from then on after that, all these people just come and pass me at school going, shall we start the fight now? The bard is calling for fisticuffs. Fuck yes. That's so great. At boarding school, because no kids, when you got older,

there was like this system that the teachers tried to eradicate and they called it the sack system. So you could give younger kids jobs. So you could go, go get me a can of Coke or whatever. As a student, you could give a younger student a job? Yeah, yeah. That was like, it was like a prison system. Not a head job.

Yeah, yeah. Oh. Well, I'm bored of the story now. I only got them off the kids that were head job good looking. Anyway. So as long as there was a younger student than you, you could tell a younger student to do whatever you want. Yeah, and sometimes you've got the worst jobs.

I'd imagine so. Look for this guy for the phone because there was four phones in the whole school. They'd ring up and they're like, Tommy Daslow won on the phone. So you check the football field. Is Tommy Daslow here? No. Go to the library. Is Tommy Daslow One on the phone So you check the football field Is Tommy Daslow here? No Go to the library Is Tommy Daslow here?

No So were all the students Constantly coming up to you And getting you to do things? Yeah Yeah It was real bad So year 7

First year of school Would have been the worst Because you're being Postured by everyone You're at the bottom Yeah And when I started So when I started

It was The sack system was Like You know It was Year 12s They'd all get us in the toilets When I started, so when I started, it was the sack system was a riot. Like, you know, it was the year 12s. They'd all get us in the toilets the first time we got there and they'd just yell at us. They're like. Yelling at you in the toilet?

Yeah, yeah. Like, we'd all be in our boxes and they're just like, listen up. Hang on, hang on. The teachers are trying to eradicate the sack system. But if there's an older kid gives you a job, you fucking do it. You fucking do it. What the fuck are you looking at, Kappa? What the fuck?

Give me ten push-ups. You know what I mean? I'm reliving it all now. Oh, my God. So you're doing ten push-ups in your boxes? Do they get you to take your clothes off? No, they just do it in your box. They got us all out of bed.

Hang on. Were you taking your own clothes off or were they telling you to take them off? No, like you'd be in bed and they'd come get you out of bed. They're like, everybody out of bed. Well, you didn't explain that bit. I wondered why you were walking around school in your boxers. I thought no one was telling you what to do. Well, I did if you got it flaunted, baby.

Some other younger kid's sack was to wash Kappa's disgusting clothes for him. He stinks. I was head job good looking, you know. So this sounds like one of those elite boys' schools where shit gets ugly. Yeah, yeah, and it sucked because by the time I got to year 12, it had been eradicated by the teachers. I couldn't give anyone else jobs. It was so annoying.

And all the young kids used to pay me out and stuff like, oh, Kirby, you dork and stuff. So, you know, I used to give them like, you know, I used to beat them up a little bit or whatever. And then there was this kid. Bring back the sex system. Fucking hell. There was this kid who used to.

Beating up little kids. Yeah, well, you know, they used to give me cheeks. I was like, okay, well, I'm bigger than them. If they're not going to stop it, I'm just. Who's a dork now? Beating up a fucking eight-year-old. It was 12 and up, thank you very much. And anyway, there was this kid.

You're not a dork. You didn't say, shall we start now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think his name was James Given or something, I think. And he used to just annoy me all the time. And one time he was up in the Year 12 dorms and I did something totally out of character. I was just like, that's it.

Because I had a bit of compassion, you know what I mean? I used to hit him a couple of times and go, all right, I'm out. But some guys used to never stop. When you were on the receiving end of that, it was awful. But anyway, but this guy, he just pissed me off so much. So I was like, all right. I held him down and then I grabbed a fire extinguisher off the wall and I sprayed him with it point blank.

In the face? No, on the stomach. Just on his chest? I sprayed all over his chest. It was all white everywhere. It was like a big cloud. I'm starting to get it. There's a bit of a fire in me right now

that needs extinguishing, I've got to say. Just tell us what happens. You don't have to do imagery. For those not on the Facebook page, the dumb, dumb Facebook, there has been a ban on pedophilia jokes. And I am fully with it. Yeah, we were just talking about that before. Okay.

All right. So, yeah, sprayed him with a fire extinguisher. And I was like, ha-ha, Kappa's. Now you've felt the mean spirit of Kappa. Congratulations, buddy. I'm a mean guy, you know. And then, trust me, for it to go wrong, this kid's like, oh, my skin really hurts, right.

And I found out I burned him with the fire extinguisher. So I didn't know what to do. So you had these boot drawers underneath your bed, right? So I grabbed this powder in the boot drawer and I put it all over him, put it all over his chest and said, this will make you better, man. It's like burn powder, you know. And then he's like, oh, I think I feel better, you know. And I said, I'll check up on you. Don't tell any teachers or anything.

And you didn't know that this was going to – you just, like, grabbed some powder and thought I'll just tell him that this is going to work. Yeah, yeah, I'll tell him it's burn powder. Burn powder. I was like, it's burn powder. It's fine. Burn powder. And it was talc powder.

No, it was tinea powder. For your feet? So what happened? So he was okay And anyway there was a big rumour around the school They were like did you Did you burn James Niven and Rub him to better with tinea powder

I was like yeah it worked a treat There was a big rumour going around No that's just what happened There's probably people from your school Who's still holding onto that information And they don't know why. They're still now like, you know, like tinny powder. If you get set on fire, that's what it's really good for.

You created an old wives' tale. Yeah. Yeah. It comes in really handy if anyone ever holds you down and sprays a fire extinguisher all over you from point blank. Oh, man. If that ever happens out there, guys, there's a handy hint. This is the fact sheet

At the end of the show I try to be mean once And it goes wrong Right I remember once I fell off my skateboard And I had a big graze All the way down

And I was lying in the common room Like I'm dead I'm paralysed I can't move Anyway this older kid Walks up and he goes Are you alright mate I said yeah

I said I can't move And he goes good Pulls down his pants And then wipes his ass On my leg. Like in front of everybody. I was like, thanks. Thanks, mate.

Do you kind of understand, you three, that you are the lesser species? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why we find bullying so funny because it's all we have. Yeah, yeah. There's always like... This is what we... This is like the sack race or whatever the fuck it's called,

the sack system. It's like we've all copped it and now we're in a position where we can give it out and this is our turn. And just rejoice in how good it is. It's weird because... And I would be, what, nearly 20 years older than you and I went to a Catholic boarding school, which you usually have such horror stories, but I went to a feminist school.

Oh, wow. That's cool. There were these smart, smart women who were nuns but they didn't have all the clobber on but they loved history or they loved drama or they – and they didn't have to go home to stupid husbands and stupid children. So they devoured their – yeah, they were real feminists. Mine was exactly opposite. It was an agricultural boarding school that had a farm joined onto the school.

Oh. So it was just – yeah, it was just mayhem. That's awful. Yeah. There was this farmhand. I think his name was Lenny. Lenny. Yeah, was this farmhand. I think his name was Lenny. Lenny. Yeah, that'd be right.

Lenny. Good old Lenny. And you'd be on farm duty and you'd take turns in driving the tractor. And so all the kids would be in the trailer. And Lenny would be in the trailer. And you'd see how fast you could drive to freak Lenny out. He was just this poor old farm guy. He'd be Flying down this hill

On the tractor with basically the trailer Airborne and Lenny going Slow down, slow down The more he said slow down That meant go faster Freak Lenny out, the poor guy I don't know how he stayed there I remember there was a guy in my school that was like

When you did your school test and whatever And you got whatever the figure was at the end But there was then a chart. Your results? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever it was called. What's this strange alien language on this piece of paper? So there was like a sign that would say what you could qualify to study or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. And this guy there was so dumb. Everyone was like, this guy's the dumbest. This guy's the dumbest This guy's the dumbest In all the schools in Maryborough I wonder what school he gets Like what's he going to qualify for And then like

They all found out what his school was Which was so small That we looked it up on this chart To see what he could possibly study And the only thing he could do Was put seats on horses Yes Yes

What do you mean, seats on horses? Whatever that job is. That's so funny. What, on a merry-go-round? Picking up the horse shit and putting the seats on the stuff. It would be the guy. The saddles. Yeah.

The guy was me. Or the guy that takes the tickets at the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no course for that, though. I think there was a course. Oh, okay. Is there anything below that? No, that was the-

Between a horse seat guide? That's the lowest of below. I? That's the lowest of the low. I think that's the lowest we could find. Anyone in a stables right now listening to this just, you know, tending to some horses, they're in tears right now. Yes, but sorry, you dumb fuck. Yeah, it's your own fault. It's true.

You should have studied at school. We had that as well, but it was just you got into UNE, this ag university. It's pronounced uni. It was called. You fuckhead. No, it was this you got into UNE, this ag university. It's pronounced uni. It was called. You fuckhead. No, it was this University of New England. Can you move, by the way? Can you move?

Can I wipe my ass on your face? Oh, no, it's a uni. You should have gone to school earlier, you dumb cunt. No, it's University of New England in Armidale, and you could just get in on a teacher's credit. Like the principal would just write a nice letter and like, oh, Nick Capper is smart enough to get into this university. And they're like, yeah, I just remember reading the list and it wasn't put seats on horses

but it was like Nick Capper, teacher's credit, UNE. Yeah, right. That's the equivalent. One of my kids I think is so smart because he worked out, he knew what course he wanted to get into. So he worked out meticulously how little he had to do to get the marks, to get through. That's really smart. I thought that was very smart.

Yeah. And then he explained, then he got an essay and it was year 12, I think, or year 11, and the subject was it was over the summer holidays. What do you value most about your summer break? And he said not doing homework and handed it in. And they didn't fail him. They're like, oh, that kid would miss the breakfast at Macca's. Yeah. They didn't fail him. They're like, oh, wow. That kid would miss the breakfast at Macca's. I did all the subjects I did in Year 12 got marked down.

So I kind of wanted to do that same thing of just like, just work out a mark and then, but like, you're playing with fire. Like, you're losing about 15 points off your score at the end because I did all art subjects. One of the things I dropped was maths. I was like, well, I'm in no position to work out what I actually need to get, you know, before it gets deducted. So I'm just, you know, I'm fucking fucked.

That did you wrong because you got six guests on today. You had to send four of them home. Oh, no, 30 microphones. Tell me if you agree. There's this theory that en masse, although there's a lot of fucking smart cunts, there's not enough gatekeepers at comedy at the moment. There's people getting through. Hey, I'm doing my best.

I know. Thank you. But generally stand-up comics, and it's a generalisation, but I think there's some truth in it, were generally not necessarily educated, but did have the smarts. Right, right. Where do you acquire these smarts?

Well, what a way to, you know, spend your life. But there's a lot of people, yeah, look, smarts is a tough thing to quantify because there's a lot of people that you listen to them on stage and go wow these guys have really got things going on and and i could never think of what they've they're doing there but then they walk out the front and don't know how to fucking put a coin in a parking meet everyone's playing different instruments. What instrument – well, I'll tell you the one I envy. I cannot riff with the audience. You can't – yeah.

I've never done it. You can't. Can't's a tough word, though, because you're doing it with us right now, but you don't do it on stage. Yeah, I don't do it. And do you think it's too late now? No, because all you need to do is – I look at the way you do it, you all do it, and I'm in awe of it. Well, you're doing it right now, so there's no difference.

No, because I know you. I'm not going to... Like, if I was to do that on stage and say to someone, what do you do? And he said, I'm a proctologist, I would have nothing. Really? Wow. I'd just freeze.

What if he said, I put the saddles on horses? Now you could go, you're a fucking idiot. You're clearly a fuckhead. What do you get on the big score? I think though because you're – The big score. The big score. Results.

You're right. If you don't know the meaning results, then you're the horse. Maybe because you've got to take the piss out of them and I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. But it's all Look, this is very inside comedy But it's all about being relaxed and confident And stuff like that

It's just backing yourself But that's so surprising Because I remember I was tearing my hair out When no people were coming to my shows And my show This is back in the old days Like last week

Before the podcast actually And I remember that i was talking to you and i was so in awe but then so jealous at the same time i hated you at the same time because i was like oh what did you do to write good shows like what did you do you know i've put a lot of work into this one and writing it and stuff and you're like, I've never written anything down. Do you know how frustrating that was? I've never written anything down. Not one thing you say for an hour. No, never written

anything down. Fuck you, Fiona. Fuck you. Fuck everybody. For someone to say that and they go, I can't do crowd work, I'm sorry, I'm not buying it. But then you got to know her a bit better and you realised that was probably just because she was too fuck-eyed to hold a pen. Yeah.

She lost her driver's licence and her pen licence. But also, yeah, you've got to find a pen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to get demerit points on your pen licence. Get caught drawing too many dicks. I lost some demerit points for the first time. Red old red light camera. Well, you're out of brothel. You're gone. You're Yeah. I lost some demerit points for the first time. Oh. Red old red light camera. I,

I'll up you. Well, you're out of brothel. You're gone. You're out. I'll up you. No driving. I just lost it for the second time.

Lost, lost. Yeah. You can't drive. Well, you've kept that quiet. No, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, so what happened was – I've got to get a car first. And a light. That new system where weirdly – why does this exist? I mean I'm thankful in this situation it exists where it goes, right, you've lost your license, but if you'd like to gamble and figure out if you don't get another point for another year, you're done. Haven't you already lost it once since that came into effect?

Yes. So this is your second time through the system. Well, hang on so they're going to let you have your licence yes they go you've lost all here's how the system works if you lose this many points you lose your licence unless you'd like to take a gamble and back yourself

to not lose a point for the next 12 months and if you do that you then are banned for twice as long which logically is like okay it sounds like you're in a fucking casino or something yeah it makes sense yeah do you why are you gambling with someone who has already broken so many laws yeah why are you making cutting a deal with someone like me you should only be able to make that deal like the like the first time your license. It should just be every time you lose your license. That should be the crazy idea I come up with as I'm drunk stumbling out of the car.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about this? Yeah, you're trying to sweet talk them over the counter. But what if I never do this again? Yeah. And if I do, you can do it for double the time. Double or nothing off, sir. That's exactly what it is.

All right, you've robbed six banks. Yeah. If you don't rob a bank for a year. Yeah, yeah. What if I don't rob a bank for another year? Okay, you're fine. Yeah. What's interesting about like authority as you get older is the less it matters to you,

the more likely you are to get off. Oh, right. Yeah. Which is insane. I was talking about this with Chris Wainhouse the other night. Two examples, one of mine, one of his. And he was explaining. Let me guess, yours was jaywalking,

his was sticking a knife into a prison warden's neck. He didn't like jail. It was the people. That's my favourite joke of his. I love it. But you just passed off as one of your own observations Yeah, he was talking about You know the swiping at Coles

The self-service check-out He just doesn't give a shit It's not like he's stealing But if it doesn't swipe He's not going to go back and double check. That's stealing. So he's a busy man. He really gambled.

Anyway, he's walking out and the guy comes out and he says, excuse me, sir, are you sure, did you swipe all your items? And they're used to people being either frightened or defensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Wainhouse turns around and he goes, probably not. And then the guy goes, would you like to come back in? And he said, no, I'm drunk. And at that moment, the guy's just like, I don't understand what's happening,

so go. And this is worth more than my job. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had one on a – I was on a tram and I saw the conductors come on. Three years ago this happened to me and I freaked out because I didn't have a penny, you know. But now –

Inspectors, you mean? No. There haven't been conductors since like 1991. Sorry, not conductors. Inspectors. But it looked like the Gestapo. There haven't been conductors since like 1991. Sorry, not conductors. Inspectors. But it looked like the Gestapo. Was there a lady with a tray of chocolates? Was this when you were on the Orient Express?

Yes, and there was a murder. Captain Cook was driving. Sorry, what do I say? Conductors. But I meant to say It's betas Yeah, those cunts Anyway, so they get on and I'm like, oh fuck, I haven't swiped on

Anyway, then I'm deciding, oh, which one will I play? I've just decided to do two characters But I'm deciding which one would be more fun for me It's like, thank God you're here Because I just had my tummy tucked, so I had drainage tubes. I'm like, well, I could just lift up my skirt and go just out of hospital. And there's blood coming out of tubes into bottles that are strapped to my legs. Probably not the weirdest thing seen on that tram, though.

Which one are we on, the 86? They're like, oh, another drainer. So I think, oh, that'll be easy. Nowhere near as much fun as Plan B. So I've gone with Plan B. And so I pretended, because when you're playing a character, you've got to have a backstory. So I suddenly decided I'm just the richest person I know,

like terribly rich woman, and I don't catch trams. I know nothing about the tram system. So they've come up to me and they've – so they've not seen fit. Anyway, she said, excuse me, have you – and I handed her my Mikey and I hadn't touched on, which I was well aware of. And she said, oh, but you haven't touched on. And I looked at her like, I don't understand. I looked like I had no idea there was a consequence for that.

Right, right. I said, oh, I've just had lunch. I've just had dinner with my sister. She said all the trams in the city are free. And she said to me, but then, well, that's in the city, but you're in Carlton. It's not free in Carlton. And then I went, what's a Carlton?

Yes. What's a Carlton? You can't be so rich you don't know what Carlton is. Yes a Carlton? Yes. What's a Carlton? You can't be so rich you don't know what Carlton is. Yes, you can. Yes. I only know Gold Suburb. What's a Carlton? The City of Gold.

There's Melbourne, there's Toorak and then there's everything else. So I said to Vivian, have you done one? But then I gave her the card. I said, oh, I'm happy to. Do I need to Vivian, a view-demand. But then I gave her the card. I said, oh, I'm happy to – do I need to touch on – would you like to take my card? I've got the card. They just got more – it's bamboozling. Yeah, right, right, right. Well, speaking of rich or prestigious, this is the closest I'm getting to it at the moment,

which is – so I've got a cat now. I've had a cat for, I don't know, a year or something like that, a bit under a year. Crunchy. I've got my cat called Crunchy. Now, it was born in the same litter. We get updates of the other litter. What? Is that normal?

I've never heard of that before. Yeah, I used to know my cat's siblings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pussles went on to be a firefighter. Yeah, yeah. It's like getting the newsletter from the – Pussles went on to be a firefighter. Yeah, yeah. He did Pussles. Yeah, yeah. Pussles, yeah.

It's like getting the newsletter from the school or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like what people are up to or whatever. So the brother of Crunchy is like winning all these cat shows. Really? Yeah. Winning all these cat shows. And we're getting the pictures back of of this cat with a big sash over it

and everything. And the thing is, it looks exactly like our cat. Oh, yes. It looks exactly like Crunchy. Yes. So you're going to become a stage mum. Well, that's it. My wife now is like, well, let's enter Crunchy in all the cat shows.

Oh, man. But we can't do that. No, because then you will be people who enter their cat shows. Exactly. Oh, my God. Exactly. Yes. No, you have to do this.

This has to be done. I want live up. I want to go. She wants to do it. I'll be a cat. I reckon I've got pretty good stance. Yeah, yeah. She wants to do it.

I'm like, but what do you... Definitely got nine lives. What do you care? We just get a sash or something. Who cares? And to be honest, I reckon we just use those photos and say it's crunchy. Yeah. Because it looks exactly like this.

Yeah, yeah. It's the same cat. Is it like bred to be a show cat or something? No, it's just a very, you know, purebred, beautiful breed. Right. My cat's a good looking cat. But hasn't your cat fawned in the toilet a lot of times? Yes, yes.

That's bound to do something to your looks. No, it's hydration That's fine Oh my god look at this fur It's like toilet duck kind of sheen on it And that would be awesome So you're having to do the thing where you're like Is it that shit where you're like making it go through the little obstacle course

Oh yeah I don't know I'll look into it I don't know what you have to do Get me in there She listens to me more than she listens to you She loves me Is it a pedigree cat? I don't know what you have to do. Get me in there. She'll listen to me more than she listens to you. Yeah, she actually does. She loves me. Is it a pedigree cat? I don't know what pedigree means exactly, so I'm not sure.

It just means you paid a lot for it. Yeah, we paid a lot for it. You would have paid a lot. And their hips are fucked. It's got all the legs. Yeah, yeah. It's a good-looking cat, so it's like a purebred. It comes from a proper breeder and all that sort of stuff.

Well, then it's a pedigree. I really want to get a dog, right? And the breeds that I want, they're all like commonly, they're bred as like shows. So you find breeders and they're like, we have a rich history of our dogs, you know, winning all these awards at all these shows. And it's like, yeah, but can I get a little off? Because I'm not going to do that.

I'm not profiting off this thing in any way. Do you know what I mean? I've still got to pay a premium just to have a fucking. If you want to get the best dog you've ever seen, you've got to find someone with a Dachshund and mate it with a Pekingese. It sounds fucked up. It's the most beautiful looking.

Sure, but what's in it for me, apart from the obvious? So, look, I'll look into it because I don't know if there's cash prizes. What do you get out of these cat shows? You get money. You surely get money. You get something. And, look, you've got to do it for Crunchy. I mean, his brothers, like winning cat shows,

and he's the fucked reject brother. She's the fucked reject. Do you understand what this entails? You've got to go to Oval. He keeps falling down the toilet. No, I'm into it. You have to go to Parks. You have to deal with other people.

Her owner is a sadist podcaster. It's so good for the podcast. From Maryborough. We'd have so much to talk about if your cat is just going around winning. If your cat becomes more famous than you, that's what we need. I'll look into it and it could be a one-off. It wouldn't be a regular thing because my wife is keen. She doesn't know what it entails.

We have to commentate. We will film the catcher and we will commentate. Yeah, but cats, I don't know what happens with these show cats, whether they – I know, because cats don't do anything you tell them to. Yeah, exactly. And also, this is one of the cats, and I would say most cats are like this, as soon as you bring them anywhere that's not their fucking favourite spot,

they freak out and go fucking bananas. So this is what my cat would do. But that's what the show – that's like have you gotten that out of it? That's what you're being judged on Yeah How well it behaves Well in that case The cat's gonna come fucking last

It's a poor reflection on you as an owner Yeah That's why you That's why you don't want to be under the microscope I've got a I've got a method Spray it with a fire extinguisher Then rub tinny about

Then tinny It'll do whatever you want Well because You know Like I've never been responsible For like a Pet before properly Like I've had

Cats and dogs As a kid And so the You know Mum and dad've never been responsible for like a pet before properly. Like I've had cats and dogs as a kid and so the, you know, mum and dad take care of everything. Yeah. But now it's like, fuck, I go to the supermarket and all I'm doing is fucking buying stuff for the cat and not really buying that much for me, just buying fucking stuff flat out. Now, they've just, you know, we've just had the laws passes with the plastic bags and all that stuff at the supermarket where you've got to- Andrew Bolt lost his mind. Oh, yeah, yeah. He hated that, of course. Not a fan. Yeah. Plastic bags. had the laws passes with the plastic bags and all that stuff at the supermarket where you've got to Andrew Bolt lost his mind oh yeah yeah

he hated that of course not a fan plastic bags so this that reminded me we've got to look into the next bit of merch we were talking about

we've got to get a tote bag Dungeon Club tote bag now it reminds me I really want to do that to bring my own you know bag around and whatever

because I don't know if you're like me but I was I'm now going to the supermarket all the time without a bag but then they go do you want to buy a bag? I'm like no because that defeats the purpose of the whole law and everything. I don't want to buy any plastic bags. I'll just carry it with me.

And that's fun isn't it because you're carrying all those little tiny cat things. I'll have an apple. I'll have fucking tins of cat food. And anyone who sees you like that they're thinking to themselves I guarantee there's no cat Yeah yeah yeah There's no cat

Back at the house So I'm doing that Crunchy So I'm doing that I'm doing that constantly Now the need For the canvas bag Is because I'm doing that

Constantly And just sticking it In every pocket I have In that You know When I got here I realised I've fucking done it now

My pockets are fucking Filled with cat food Right now Oh my god Like I'm just carrying it around With pockets are fucking Filled with cat food Right now Oh my god Like I'm just carrying it around With me everywhere You're a soft touch too

Fancy feast Are you guys gonna eat this Cause it's looking pretty good Yeah Cap is salivating Gravy numbers Chicken feast I've got fucking warm Fancy feast tins in my pocket

That have been there all day Cause I fucking forgot Grilled white fish All my fucking pockets Are filled with cat food Grilled turkey You give her a little Mix of flavours.

That's good. You're a softie for the cat. You love the cat. A little crunchy. What flavour is this? Chuck is this. Gourmet delight. It's grain free.

So that's good. I choose what I would eat. Chuck is that one. Look, decadent roast chicken. I'd eat that. What flavour is this one? It's funny, man. Dark sandwich.

Interesting. Gravy lovers, chicken and feet. Chicken and gravy? I dig that What flavour is this one? It's funny man Dark sandwich Interesting Gravy lovers Chicken and feet Chicken and gravy Fucking hell Like She owes me She should win

A fucking ribbon This is good shit This one's the dreams Of open micers Did cats do that thing When they get separated From a litter Do they like

The first night you had her Or whatever Did she freak out? I think I can't remember. We got a dog when I was a kid, when I was like 12 and we bring it home. We have her sleeping in the kitchen and she just cries all night and it's like, can't sleep because it's so loud, just her whimpering. And I'm getting a bit upset because you're thinking this thing's going to be part of

the family. We're going to love her. I go, Dad, why is she crying? And Dad's like, well, it's just because she's been separated from her brothers and her sisters and her mum, so she's just crying because she misses them. And I'm like, okay, well, how will this stop? And Dad's like, well, just over time,

she'll just eventually forget that they ever existed and then in her brain, we're all that she's ever known. And that's how we get over this problem, her just forgetting her entire family so we're just going to basically brainwash her into thinking that this is what her life has always been. Good night and it's fucking really hard to get on board with the concept of

having a pet as a kid when that's the pitch. That's fucked. That's what the year 12s told me in their boxes. Your dad's dead. I'm your dad now Now open your mouth up And put this fucking tube From the

From the fire extinguisher In your mouth Kids are so gullible though Our cat When I was a kid We only had one cat Called Lugsy Big fat white cat

This is going to be a bad story Lugsy My spidey sense is going off It's not good They ate the cat I bet It ended up Having kittens in mum's wardrobe Oh no Then I was so dumb There's no roast decadent chicken In this story That's not good. They ate the cat, I bet. It ended up having kittens in mum's wardrobe. Oh, no.

Then I was so dumb. There's no roast decadent chicken in this story. I walked into the kitchen and there's my dad and my uncle just taping up a box of kittens. Oh, fuck. Like tape, heavy duty tape. Oh, crunchy. And I said, what are you doing? And he said, oh, these kittens are going to a community

where the poor little kids have never seen kittens. And they weren't. They were going down the well. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. But that's, you know, we survived it. Yeah, you did. Jesus.

Fucking Crunchy's great-great-grandfather did. Your feelings out about your cat who didn't get to see its parents. It was a dog. Oh, dog. I had to see kittens taped up to their death. But they were just cats. I'm house-sitting at the moment and it's Mike Goldstein's house, actually, and he's got two cats and they fight at night and it is scary.

I don't know what's going on there. Right. It's like a battle for supremacy. So they're like, okay, cab is asleep, let's fight. Wow. And it's crazy. The noise is just like. You know how you stop that?

What? You send one of them down the well. Yeah. Probably soft. Stop bitching. Well, one of them hid from me for like a week It's like I'm not I'm not

You know I'm just going to come out and have my food And I'm going to come out and have my food And then they just leave And then the other one just wouldn't leave me alone And now it's changed hands Right

I think they're Like the other one's like Oh no Screw Kappa Alright He didn't give me enough love And then they're like Okay

Now that his feelings are dead, I'll move in. They're dealing with you in shifts. Yeah. And then I went to the gym and one of the trainers had like a little dash hand and was running to everybody in the gym going, hey, playing with their towel and stuff. Then it came up to me and just barked consistently for like five minutes. Wiped its ass on your leg.

And I was like, oh, it must be the cat, right? You know how you say that as a get out thing? Like, okay, the dog doesn't like me but I'll say it's the cat on me. And then the trainer goes, no, the dog loves cats. I'm like, cool, thanks for ruining my exit, all right? Now I just look evil. Fuck you, Jim. And I didn't go back.

I want to go back quickly to the demerit points. So what's your poison? Is it red lights every time? Or is it a bit of speeding in the mix? I reckon you're a speeder. I reckon you're a fucking lead foot. I'm pretty cool. Don't tell me.

Hell yeah. I'm a bad boy. I like to go fast. Man, you drive an old BMW. I swear the previous owner was Eva Braun. How do you get it over 30 kilometres an hour? It goes all right. Not a DUI.

No. You know what I'd like to see brought in? Comedy demerit points. Now, that'd be something. After each gig, certain comedy faux pas are slated. That's three points. Now, look, that's your last one. Now, you can keep doing gigs, but if you do one more thing in the next year,

that's it, banned forever. No, Fiona, you don't want that to come in because you'd already been banned for CUI, comedy under the influence, a lot of times. It's the same thing. I wouldn't be banned for life, wouldn't I? Yeah, from that. I saw one of them.

Oh, dear. Unfortunately, I didn't be bad for life, wouldn't I? Yeah, from that. I saw one of them. Oh, dear. Unfortunately, I didn't. I reckon that made comedy better. Like, I reckon there should be more drunk people on stage. People don't drink anymore. Yeah, I don't really. I think comics don't drink anymore. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, because I run a few rooms and stuff, you know, years ago when you had, like, drink cards and stuff, they used to fucking fly out the door. But now I have drink cards absolutely untouched. Yeah. The new generation of comics is just like, no, they want to – like they've got no excuse for their shitty comedy these days.

I've had a couple of nights where I've been out drinking like on a night that your gig has been on and I've been nearby and I know the position you're in. I come in. Yeah, yeah. Just not even on at the gig. You can't fucking offload those things to me fast enough. You're like, oh position you're in. I come in just not even on at the gig. You can't fucking offload those things to me fast enough. You're like, oh, you seem drunk.

Are you drinking? Here, have four more pints. You're desperate. You're overjoyed. You're right. I am a great bloke. Am I just being an old lady or is the problem, and there are problems I feel, and I think comics,

young comics are getting better quicker in a lot of them than we do. Thank you. Very much the case. Some comics are getting way better, way quicker. Yep. On the other hand, there's some fucking imposters getting through and I'm wondering if…

If you can name them, sure. No, no. Is it that they're just using comedy as a stepping stone to fame? I think so. Has that not always been the case or no? Never. But you would have been… When you started there was like…

You hear people like generationally talk about this where it was like comedy wasn't a job. It was just like something… But now there's like years and years worth of people being very famous for doing stand up so if you're like 18 you go oh this is something that's going to make me famous. Oh I guess when you say known for your stand up would be fine but I didn't know there was anything outside of comedy. Right right

When I started I was like oh my god imagine headlining a comedy room. You'll get there one day That's it. That's it. I want it Now it's like oh that, I want my own ticket. Yeah. Now you've got people like fakes just going, just doing comedy so they can go into the jungle and get like heaps of money

and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to hate those kind of people, but I don't mind it when they wear it on their sleeve. Oh, yes. Like they were just like just to do it. They just want to get famous. They're a great looking person. They're a great-looking person.

They're great to you. And then their comedy isn't. It's like very vanilla, but they know that. I just didn't. And they know that you know that. I just did it to get into the podcast. I wear it on their sleeve. Don't hide behind their craft.

Yeah, yeah. But then you get some people and they're just like, yeah, I'm a groundbreaker and all that. And they're like, yeah, I'm just cool. I don't do any work. And you're like, you, I'm just cool. I don't do any work. And you're like, you're working your dick off or whatever you have. Which one are you? You know, it's hard to explain what I do.

I love what you do. I love what you do, Nick. It's like art attack. With the Nanette phenomenon, we are going – everyone's going to have to dig a bit deeper. You might have to look into kleptomania or something. Not everyone can just get – Yeah.

I'm – yeah, man, a lot of my specialists I think are very Nanette-like, as in a lot of people have been traumatised by them and haven't laughed that much. It's a very new art form, stand-up. It's only been around 40, 50 years. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's new in Australia. It's changing.

Like, it's – you don't know how new stand-up is in Australia because, you know, like, yeah, if a female gets on stage, sometimes you're at a gig and you just hear the audience go, hmm. Yeah. Like that. Like, they suck in. You're just like, oh, fuck. Really?

Yeah. And just when I think it's gone, it comes back again. Like I'll go to a gig and it's just like this. It's that collective arm crossing. Yeah, and you're just like, oh, okay, it's still new in Australia, you know, that kind of thing. Or the fact when people don't laugh at me and I'm like, these people just aren't educated enough in comedy.

What I'm doing doesn't even exist yet. They just have no context for what's going on up here. I'm like Andy Kaufman except years ahead. Like you could say 30 to 40 years ahead. Except he was doing it on purpose. Well, guys, that is all the time we have for the Little Dumb Dumb Club this week. Nick Capa, Fiona O'Loughlin, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. You've both got stuff coming, Nick Capper, Fiona O'Loughlin. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you.

You've both got stuff coming up. Capper, what have you got? You've got a solo show coming up. It's just being released. In a couple of weeks. You've got a podcast? Yeah, I've got a podcast, The Phone Hacks. Yeah, I'd love to get all you guys on it one time.

We go through your phones, Mike Goldstein and I, and it's a bit bloody fun. That's so cool. Can I come on it? Sounds like a thing I'll absolutely never do. Yeah. Well, we don't want to like a thing I'll absolutely never do. Yeah. Well, we don't want to see photos of... Go on. Nothing.

Can I bring my dick pics? I get 20 a day. Oh, really? No. Cool. All right. I'll cut it back to 19. So you go through Text messages

No no We don't go through Stuff that deep We just go through Your draft tweets We go through Your notes Oh that's great

And then Yeah And stuff like that Don't you send out Like a weird message Or something From other people's phones Or something

Yes we do Yeah I had to do A punishment Last week Where I got like Two threats Well not threats But people were like You should take that down Mike Goldstein Made Yes, we do. Yeah, I had to do a punishment last week where I got like two threats. Well, not threats, but people were like, you should take that down.

Mike Goldstein made, because you have to do a punishment. And he wrote for me, he wrote on my Facebook as a status, Nanette, more like, no, no, no, thank you. So I left that up. Half an hour, I got a lot of messages. And the worst thing about it is I'm friends with Hannah Gadsby on Facebook. And I was like... That would have crushed her as she was on Jimmy Fallon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so I was like, yeah, I've got to take that one down. But yeah, we've done a lot of fucked shit to each other. I wrote on Mike Goldstein's Twitter, RIP Dad. Yeah, it was fucked. That's great. Great license plate suggestion. But wait, no. You've got a solo show in Brisbane sometime.

At Brisbane Funnyfest. Yeah, and what's it called? Just called Pork Palace. Great. Yeah. What's the date on that? It's 20th, around the 20th of August. Right.

Yeah. Fiona, what have you got? You've got stuff coming up. Well, I've got, where's my bag? Trying to look for dates on your phone at the moment. Fiona's taken off. She's looking for the hip flask I think

she's going into her phone she's getting out you still need to talk into the microphone when you talk so the other night I did a show in North Sydney

okay got a standing ovation wow and and it was a real standing ovation like not just.

Both of them stood up. There were 600 people there. Oh, that was brutal. And then I get this message. Sorry. This is quite the build up. This is half as good as Alice Springs McDonald's. You're in for a treat.

Fuck off, it's the same punch. The same message. Why are you getting a standing ovation? You missed out on breakfast. Standing ovation. I was on cloud nine. I just seriously, it was amazing. And it's the gap year show that I've been doing.

Yeah. Hello there. Came to your show on Saturday at Campbelltown Catholic Club. I empathise with your life's lows and good on you for coming through it. Just let me down, as we were expecting in a comedy show. A lot of people were left disappointed. Take care, Diane. So I'm just going to work on...

On a reply. Yeah. Oh, right, great. Yeah. I've got a lot to Yeah. Oh, right. Great. Yeah. I've got a lot to do. I've let down Diane. Yeah. And I don't like letting people down.

Feel free to share the draft around with us. We can help you work on it. Yeah, we can punch up the reply. Yeah, yeah. You dumb cunt. Oh, my God. Fuck. That's great.

Something to look forward to. All right. Guys, thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. Never get in with that see you, mates quick enough. And they have done it again. I'll concur. That was a soundboard just then.

Oh, was it? Yeah. I've patched in all those words and I just kind of hit the keys on my keyboard. Wow. Do you want me to do it again? You're talking and you've got all of your phrases. I've got a soundboard of me, yeah, that I can just hit while I talk. That's a little bit, you know, up your own ass sort of thing, isn't it?

Up my own ass? Yeah. Hang on, I've got that on the soundboard. Up my own ass sort of thing, isn't it? Up my own ass? Yeah. Hang on, I've got that on the soundboard. Up my own ass. So you've got like a Stephen Hawking version of you. Yes. Yeah, right. Yes.

I can talk whenever I want. Right. But just when the voice is feeling a bit clapped out, I can just go to the soundboard. Okay. They, they, they, they, they, they, they, they've done it again, again, again, again, again, again, again. That is cool.

I take back my, I was a little bit doubtful, but I quite like this. You may have noticed that ah and gen are both separate keys on the soundboard. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, whole word again in there yeah so i just put gan and i just uh patch them together oh so so uh separate words so you can use that for when you want to use the word gain really you know if you if you want to sort of say hey just want to gain some information yeah but you didn't want to say it you could use that bit yeah yeah dillarook has ganned wait i wonder how our little friend is doing. I wonder if he's not so little anymore. Oh. I'll tell you what, everyone is seeing me up to go. Everyone's got their theory on when Dilruch is going to put all the weight back on. Really?

Yeah. Interesting. A lot of people's theories are non-stop. It's going to happen right now. Right. A lot of Dilruch truth is out there. Right. Interesting.

Have we got anything to say about the episode we just heard, Nick Capper and Fiona O'Loughlin? Jeez, if either of us could remember anything from it, because we recorded it, what, like a month ago now? We're doing a lot of episodes in advance at the moment, so it's a bit of a struggle to remember what happened. But I vaguely remember it being good. It was good.

It was good fun. Fiona told, I think, one of my favourite stories I vaguely remember it being good. It was good. It was good fun. Fiona told, I think, one of my favourite stories I've ever heard on this pod. Wow. About her friend having that kid and going to get breakfast in Alice Springs. No memory of it. Missing breakfast and the kid crying.

Oh, yeah, that's right. This is weird to people who've literally just heard it like five minutes ago. Yeah, okay. I vaguely remember it now it yeah yeah i remember nick kappa saying afterwards oh sorry about that i felt like i was a bit off like okay no i thought it was a real good one okay that's good yeah good news oh well in that case i hardly recommend you people uh listening to this uh going back and listening to it yeah yeah just rewind just go straight back in yeah i love that this is officially Talking Dum Dum. This segment is Talking Dum Dum.

And we're just going, so what happened? What was it? But that's, I mean, we're talking about it. We're trying to work it out. Right. You know, we're explorers here. Yeah. We're trying to crack some of the great mysteries.

Now, we call it Talking Dum Dum because, partly because, you know, some of those other shows that want to talk about a specific show afterwards is like the Talking Dead instead of Walking Dead. There's Talking Bad instead of Breaking Bad. Yep. I only found out this week that there's Talking Saul. Is there really?

Yeah. Right. Instead of Better Talk Saul. Surely that's a better name for it. Yeah. Yeah. I think it is. I mean, they got lucky with Breaking Bad name for it. Yeah. I think it is. I mean, they got lucky with Breaking Bad and Walking Dead.

Yeah. And now they're just, yeah. I wonder if that's going to be, because all those shows are on the same network, AMC. I wonder if that's going to be a new thing in the contract at AMC. Your show title has to have a word in it that's easily transferable to the word talking. What if their new show was called Talk Talk and then you have to be like talking talk talk?

Like it's like, sorry, but that's the template. We've got to use it. Yep. Yep. Yep. So, yeah, we don't know. We clearly don't know what just happened. But then what would this be?

This would be the little dumb dumb talk. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think what I mean? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think we're okay with what we've got.

Yeah. Hey, I've got a theory just quickly based on this episode. So, we talk on this episode about how there is a,

there is a little shelf at the, just right at the entrance of my apartment where all my little Nintendo figurines are proudly on display. And I noticed as everyone was leaving my apartment

after doing this episode that people have just heard, Fiona, what? Are you going to accuse someone of stealing something? No, no, no, no, no. Damn. I saw Fiona kind of like, you know, gazing at the shelf of Nintendo figurines with a puzzled look on her face. A kind of, you know, a bit of a furrowed brow kind of a look.

And it reeked to me of something where she was going to leave my house and then immediately text you going, what the fuck is with this little virgin and his sad little toys at the front door? Now, did that happen? No. Okay. No.

I just felt a lot of confused judgement from her. She was probably drunk and she thought they were real people there. How did they get so small She thought They were little themed Yeah Little alcohol bottles That she could like

Pull Mario's head off And just Yeah Tip into some Jager Why have they pulled These things out of the minibar Why are they just sitting They're going to get warm

That was No I did not hear from her Right She's a bit of a Enigma With the communication I get from her. I've never quite got a handle on her. Really?

Never quite got a handle on whether we're friends or not, I think. Really? Yeah. You really feel that way? Yes. Okay. Just because I've never quite read her. Like, you know what?

I don't think this is a diss. I just think this is how people live. People who are addicted to things become very good liars right okay i i'm glad to hear you say that because i have i have a little bit of that too right with with her right where but i have that with a lot of people where i just don't know especially with comedians where they're like you know people will come and do this and they're very nice and they're very like oh this is cool. But then we're all so fucking mean about each other behind our backs that it's like, well, what do I get when I'm not – you know what I mean?

What's this person saying about me when I'm not around? Do you know what I mean? Where someone will sit here and be like, oh, this cunt, and then you see a picture of them on Twitter thick as thieves with the person that they've just rinsed out. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I kind of have a lot of self-doubt about like, you know, does anyone value my company at all?

I'm not so much that way. More in that I'm, like I said, with her, when you're addicted to something, I think you become a very big liar. Right. And I think even when you're not addicted, you know, she is still addicted, but she's dealing with that. Yeah. And look, just to be clear, Fiona, to her knowledge, has been great

and has meetings and all that sort of stuff. She's all in the clear at the moment. This is a great Talking Dumb Dumb, by the way. Yeah. This might be the most dumb dumb we've ever talked on Talking Dumb Dumb. Yeah. But obviously it's an ongoing thing and from what I believe and understand that you have meetings every day and she does all that.

So, my point being is that she's been really strong and really great with everything. So, I'm not casting aspersions on whether she's doing anything bad at the moment or whatever. But the values that you get when you become an addict, when you slowly become an addict is that you just get used to lying to people for so long that it just becomes part of you. And the addicts I know, and I know a few, are just big liars and it's just part of them. And that's not saying they are bad people, but they just have that habit.

And so my point being is when you talk to someone like that, you go, are you lying now? Because it becomes a very easy thing to do, to lie. You just go, oh, that doesn't mean anything. You don't have to think about it again yeah no you're right you're totally right yeah i think with and one particular thing that sticks with me is that fiona once said uh to us i think she grabbed a poster office or something and went can i grab one of these posters because my son's like a massive dumb dumb fan and and you know he'd love to have this.

And I think we ran into him shortly after that and it was like, you don't know who the fuck we are. He served us, didn't he? He served us at a burger restaurant in Adelaide. It's like, you don't know who the fuck we are. Why did you make that up? Right, right. He's not a fan of us at all. Right.

But let's be very clear, we've got a lot of love for Fiona. Yes. Great, you know, very, very, very valued member of the Dum Dum family. Oh, totally. And, you know, we always especially respect the fact that people that have got profiles and actual shit going on that are happy to come and do our thing. You know, that's awesome.

Usually there's some people that you've got to really sort of twist the arm off to come and, you know, bother spending an hour with us. And, you know, look, it is an effort. But Fiona's always been someone who's – there's been no problem getting her to come and talk to us, which is great. Yeah. She loves it. But she might hate us.

Yeah. Secretly might hate us. Yeah. Just using us to get that sweet bump, that sweet dum-dum bump. Well, look, to be honest, before about a year ago, she didn't have that much going on. She had enough going on, but not that much. But now she's got fucking heaps of shit going on. Totally.

But she's still doing her thing, so fucking great. Thank you. Yeah, great. Great to have her back in here. Fun pairing her and Kappa. Good stuff. Yeah, and A plus from me for this one. I wonder what Kappa thinks of us. I think it's like, you know, in cartoons when they're on a desert island

and they're just, you know, they're just like starving and they'll look at each other and see like an ice cream cone or a pork chop. Kappa looks at us and just sees two big dollar signs walking around. No, I don't think he's even – I don't think he's that smart. I think he sees us and sees big scent signs and is like, awesome. I started listening to his podcast the other day. It's good. Okay.

Yeah. Shout out. All right. If you're looking for something else to listen to. Yeah. I'm not going to name it. You should have to do a little bit of work. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm not even going to name him. They asked me to go on it and I can't think of anything worse, to be honest. I had the same reaction You, I mean, yeah You, as your legal counsel I've got to say to you, never go on that show Good

Where they get to go through your phone and read all your messages And go through your drafts and see all your screenshots Yeah No thanks All I need to do is look at our chat and it's like, we're done. If I was going to quit comedy and life, I'd go on it. That'll be my swan song. I'll go on that show and go, you know, like look at whatever you want, boys.

I'm out. I'm changing my name and moving to Mexico. What if they brought back the old show, This Is Your Life, and instead of it just bring back your school teacher, it's just someone going through your Facebook chats and your text messages and your screenshots. That's such a good idea. Fuck. And it's not a positive This Is Your Life, obviously.

Yeah, it's This Is Your Life brackets and you're a cunt. You cunt. We should do that. That's a great pitch. Yeah. That is a fucking great pitch. But it's not – so the thing would have to be like it's not – you don't want celebs on it.

It's just everyday people. So you get them in and then it's like, why are you talking so much shit about the person who sits next to you in the office? What's wrong with you? You could totally do it with celebs. It's like it's that phone hacking thing where you get access to whatever you want through celebrities or whatever.

You can do it with anyone. I mean, it'd be more interesting if it was a celebrity, but just to see what they think about other celebrities or whatever. We could finally find out what Fiona thinks about us. I think we'll find that out one day when she accidentally texts one of us about us. She's so old and demented. I'm surprised that hasn't happened already.

Yeah, yeah. She's not great with the – she's famously, at least with us, put a few not-for-intended public eyes posts on social media. She's done that many times. Oh, yeah. She's done things where she's meant to post it privately and put it as her status and it's been up for like

Should we just talk about the whole thing? There was a couple of times where she just put some horrendous stuff online and then we're texting her going, you've put that IRL in real life. Take it down and then she's writing more comments

saying I don't know how to take this down or posting more stuff. No, it's her replying going like, oh, fuck, this is so fucked. Oh, my God, I am so fucking dumb. And then like five minutes later you messaging her again, it's still there. And just her being like, where's the delete button? It's like there's not a delete, there's not a big red delete button. And it's like, oh, I've erased Facebook from my phone.

That doesn't help. Yeah, it's like how if you just – I heard it back later. There was that one time where it was just nonstop for like half an hour and her just going, oh, my God, what do I do next? She was on a road trip and she pulled the car over by the side of the road to sit by this phone and try and figure it out. Anyway.

Why didn't we talk about that with her? That's great. Good stuff. Patreon. Thanks to everyone who subscribes to our patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub account. And a lot of people do. Thanks very much for that.

It's much appreciated. In your heart of hearts, you hopefully were just trying to contribute to the show. But hey, look, there's nothing wrong with doing it to get the free bonuses off the back of it as well, which of course is you get a bonus episode a month, you get a bonus magazine

a month, both of which we put a lot of love and care and time. Some say too much, and by some, I mean me and you. But you also get the chance of having your name eventually at some stage read out on your favourite little podcast, not Nick Capper's podcast, our podcast right here. We won't prank you.

So this is the time in the show where we randomly pick a number to start with. We put that in stone, whatever number that happens to be, and then we read that amount of names out. Usually I get to choose the number this time. Tommy, you can do the honors. Five. Okay, easy.

Let's move on without any more comment on that. Okay, let's start up the old unplanned title alternator. Hit the big red button. Fire it up. And number one this week, thank you to Patreon subscriber Alexander Anderson. Oh, a bit of alliteration. Well, we had Fiona on speaking of AA.

We've got Alexander Anderson. How long did it take you to find that one? I know. That was not intended. Obviously, it's unplanned and random. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Alexander Anderson. Yeah, that's an interesting – yeah don't – yeah, I do not –

I don't like the alliteration in names. I've said it before. I'll say it again. I don't like this name. I don't – I'm going to venture out and say I don't like this person. Fuck, nice. I'm good to see – I'm glad to see you get on the front foot and say something negative about someone.

I'm happy with that. I'm happy for us to be negative about this person. Would you – so if you thought of – you would never – if you had a child, you would never give it the alliteration? You would never go – Absolutely not. You'd never go Alexander Alsop or Dennis Daslow? Dennis Daslow is not bad.

I've won you over. It's funny when my dad meets people who don't know that Daslo isn't my real name because his name's David. Right. So people think like, David Daslo. Double Ds. So what about if you had a kid and then you insisted and you got married and you insisted that your wife take your name Daslo but you don't?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like You're still Tom Alsop. We've talked about that before. Have we? That would be great. That would be really good. So would that mean, could you get your kid to then be called Julius Alsop Daslo? You know what it needs to be? I need to meet a girl.

Your kid's called Julius, by the way. Your kid's called Julius. How come? I just thought that would be a good name. Okay, that's not bad. Julius should make a comeback. It's been long enough since Caesar. It's time for it to come? I just thought that would be a good name. Okay, that's not bad. Julius should make a comeback. Yeah. It's been long enough since Caesar.

Yeah. It's time for it to come back into vogue. Get that in and a couple of years later get Adolf back in. Osama. Yeah. Always. What I need to do is I need to find a woman with the last name Dasolo. Right?

I marry her and then I take her name. Right. So it's like two things. It's like now it's legit and also very progressive. Yeah. The man taking the lady's name. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

It's bad. Why? It's the worst. It's just so bad. Why? I just hate it. Who cares? I hate it.

Why? The guy taking the girl's last name. Why? It's so dumb. Why is that any worse than the other way around? Hey, I don't think that the other way around is any good either. Yeah. I think they are both stupid.

Yeah. My wife has said, oh, do I take your name now? She's asked me a couple of times. I'm like, no, do what you want. But if you're giving me a choice, I would say no. I think it's weird. And it's also – I think it comes down to, look, if you're someone who you hate your last name

and you don't think it sounds good and you marry someone with a ripper last name, I understand just going like, well, this is a do-over. Yeah. Great. Fine. Go for it. But also, I won't name her, but your wife's first name

combined with your last name. Yeah. Say it in your head. Yeah. It sounds fucked. Yeah. It doesn't, they, you know what I mean? There's two, there's kind of similar sounds in there that run into each other.

It's just, nah. I'm not into it. I don't like you. Yeah, it's fair. That's fair. We probably shouldn't say this without him being here but he said it to me

many times but there's some girls out there with last names where you go wow you you should be one

of these people that are busting to get married as soon as you can just to get rid of that last name right of which Josh Earle's

wife is one oh yes yes yes yes where it's like when I found out her maiden name I was like she would have been she should have been on bended knee the first day

she met you. Just like, let's lock this one away. Let's get Earl on the back of my name. Big time. We can say it. Can we? All sop. All sop.

I love any time on this where we talk about Dilruch, Josh or Cody because they're the three people that listen most weeks. Right. So you know within a couple of days we'll get a message from them. Right. It's always fun talking shit about those three guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they the three that – they're the only three that really listen

every week I think of our friends. Does Ballad – Ballad listens every week? Oh, Ballad listens. Yeah. There's certain people that I send out the... I think you'll have a lot more time to be

listening as of next week. I mean, Will listens. Will listens, yep, yep, yep. There's certain people that I just

send out the magazine and the bonus sort of stuff too because I'm like, you guys are genuine listeners. You'll be

interested in this. Blakey listens. Yeah, Blakey, yeah. I think Kappa listens, doesn't Kappa listens

sometimes. Yeah. We need to talk more shit about Will. Yeah. Because when weappa listens, doesn't he? Kappa listens sometimes. Yeah. We need to talk more shit about Will. Yeah. Because when we talk shit, Will's the one where we talk shit about him and then we get a tweet out of it. We get some public attention out of it. Yeah.

Well, yeah, but the other ones we get the shit on and it's like, well, it's obvious, you know, this is what's wrong with him. But with Will it's like, suck shit, the most successful comedian in the country, you fuckhead. It's not so much fun. Yeah, but it's punching up. That's us speaking truth to power. That is not us.

That is not us. Punching up is not our game. That's very undumb dumb, I think. Yeah, and then we pay out Will and then Will gets on Twitter and does a bit of punching down where he's like, these two idiots don't have a job. That's it. That's Will's thing on this show is punching way down.

Punching up is not a thing for us. It's too hard. There's too much energy punching up. Feel that. Feel that. Fucking hell. That's hard. Yeah, you're right.

Down is just like your fist is already, it's natural. If you let your fist just go, it just goes down straight away. The natural position is already there. So you just need to tilt forward slightly. If you ever go to the gym and you're pushing something up, it's like, that's fucking hard. Don't do that. Just down, down.

I think one of my all-time favourite memories of doing this show will be when we used to do this bit up the top of the show and we were debating for like two weeks, should we move it to the end? And then you and I were walking through the city and we were crossing the street and we crossed past Will. He happened to be on the other side. So it's like he can't stay and chat. But it was like as we crossed him at the pedestrian crossing,

he just went, yeah, you should put it at the end. And then you and I got over the other side of the street and went, yeah, I reckon he's right. Let's start doing it at the end. Yeah, totally. Someone randomly, someone I vaguely knew, someone said to me the other day, oh oh let's do an episode of yours and fuck what the fuck was that half hour thing up the front oh we don't do that anymore and the fact that they're all sitting there yeah for eternity

i need to look if i had more time i would go back and re-edit and re-upload them all and put the start at the end yeah Yeah, totally. Totally. What were we thinking? We did it for so long. I don't know. Yeah. It was something I regret. Half an hour before the show started.

Yeah. Why did we need to be told that that was a bad idea? It's like, oh, yeah, this week we've got Will Anderson and John McAuliffe. Anyway, for half an hour, here's a fucking big old roadblock that's going to make you think at some stage, well, those two aren't that good. I don't really need to get to fucking listen through all this to get to that. Fuck them.

And now this bit has flourished in its natural process. Also, we're better at this bit now as well. Yeah. I think initially it was like we just read the name and said thanks. It ballooned out of its own accord. It wasn't, you know, we didn't plan for it. Anyway, thanks, Alex. Thanks, Alex.

Thanks, AA. We can't quit you. Thank you to Patreon subscribers. Well, all right, here's one. Here's something that I talked about a while back, which I think is a canny idea that no one has sort of really taken advantage of. But thank you to Patreon subscriber Comic Confidential. Ah, yes.

Now, that is another podcast. Yes, about comic books. Yes. Now, see, look, free ad. Well, not free ad, but that's the cheapest ad you'll get. $5 ad. Yeah, that's the cheapest ad you'll ever get. Like, I think I said that a while ago.

Didn't I? Like, if you had half a brain, sponsor the show. Like, support Patreon. Just put, instead of your name, put your business name in there. Fuck, you just got a nice little readout. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. So shout out Comic Confidential.

Yep. Podcast about comic books. So if that's your thing, I imagine there probably are a great deal of podcast listeners for whom that is their thing. Yeah, I mean, if that's your thing, either listen to that or kill yourself either way. Wow. Those are the only two choices? I reckon. Okay.

Yeah. Well, if you're into comic books. Yeah. If you're into them, yeah, two great options. But so what is it about this that you think makes it confidential? Well, it's not very confidential when you're fucking getting your name read out, is it? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

So it's like public domain. So we've gone from AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, to confidential. To CC. A lot of people that are trying to keep it on the down low but aren't doing a very good job of it. AA and CC, you're right. Is it comic confidential because you're ashamed of reading comic books and you don't want it out there? You should be.

Because Alcoholics Anonymous is like, hey, there's no judgment. It's like you can just be honest. So maybe this is a bit of the same thing. Is this comic confidential? Is this a group of people that maybe read comic books and cut out all the secret identity bits out of it. So it's like we don't want to know anything about Clark Kent or anything like that.

We just want to see the superheroes. Or it's like shameful. We don't want to shine to their private lives. Or it's like, you know, shameful comic book secrets where it's like, hi, my name's Tommy and it's been 14 days since the last time I jerked off to Howard the Duck. Right. You know? Yep.

Yes, I think that's it actually. That's also true. It's been two weeks since I did that. Howard the Duck? Yeah. All right. Yeah. The movie or the comic book or?

Both. Right. What's so appealing about Howard the Duck? It's a sexy duck. It's a humanoid duck. Okay. No further questions. All right.

Thanks, Comic Confidential. Thanks, Comic Confidential. You're a fucking bunch of nerds. You're fucking nerds. This is a 26 minutes so far. I reckon we put this one up the top. Thank you. I feel good about this one.

This is a good ad for the rest of the show. No. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Michael Bonaventura. Wow! Yeah. Bonaventura. Yep. Nice. What do you think about that? Michael Bonaventura pet detective. I was about

to say that. Is the next one Bonaventura when nature calls? Yeah. I wonder how many times he's copped that over the years. Yeah. I wonder how many times he's copped that over the years. Yeah. Yeah. Let us know, Bonaventura. Yeah.

Let us know how many times you've copped it and if it's okay for us to do it. Let us know if it's not okay to make a joke like that or whether it's alrighty then. Nice. He's putting all this money in and saying, somebody stop now or I'll run moving. Liar, liar. Nice. Yep.

Thanks, Michael Bonaventura. Thanks, Bonnie. Thanks, BV. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Andrew Connor. Andrew Connor? Yeah subscriber Andrew Connor. Andrew Connor? Yeah. Andrew Connor. That might be your first Arnie impersonation on the show.

Do you reckon Arnie impressions are due a comeback in comedy? No. It's been the kind of like even people who don't do or see a lot of comedy, they know that the arnie impression is a bit hack but i reckon it's i don't know i reckon it's due for a renaissance i think you always go too early on these terrible calls like sure you and you and buddy uh uh what do you like that fucking shit movie um what's the mike myers movie austin powers yeah could you honestly not recall what austin powers is because i hate it a few minutes? Yes. But a few people have pointed this out on Twitter. I think on like ep three of this show, I'm like,

Austin Powers is going to make a comeback. Yeah. And everyone else in the room is like, you're out of your fucking mind. Yeah. Cut to like the last couple of years. I've been proven right. Do you count this as a comeback? Like in what way has it come back?

In an ironic way. In an ironic like kind of like, you know, but just talking about it and referencing it and stuff. Yeah. It's back, baby. But I could say that about anything. You go, okay. Go for it.

Nirvana. I think Nirvana's due a comeback. And then it's like 10 years later you go, I called it. Okay. Well, everything's going to come back eventually, isn't it? Sure. But I picked one of them and it happened. All right.

Well, the earth's gonna end Okay Yeah Great Prove me wrong Expect a call from me When the comments are raining down Yeah

My last My dying moments on this earth Great I'll devote them to calling you and saying Carl Yep You were right I'm sorry

Good And you're like Yes Good Imagine having odds on that on Sportsbet And it's like You're getting a big payout And you're like, yes. Good. Imagine having odds on that on Sportsbet and it's like you're getting a big payout and you're just stoked. Yeah.

As the fucking – as the giant media is about to shatter us, you're like, yes. I'm getting a sweet eight grand. Probably one of the main reasons you can't bet on suicide on Sportsbet. Yeah. One of the main. What are some of the other main reasons? What was the last thing you put a bet on? You're a betting man.

No. Right. I put a bet on, I reckon it's the first time I've put a bet on anything for probably five to ten years. I put a bet on the Champions League final. Oh, yeah. That Liverpool lost to Real Madrid. I put a bet on Liverpool winning and I lost my money.

See, I would think in that case, aren't you, because Liverpool are your team, why wouldn't you put money on them losing so that that way if they win, great, you're happy, but if they lose, you can comfort yourself with a bit of sweet bunts. I totally understand the thinking behind that, but the thinking behind what I did was that I thought we were going to win. And I wanted to double up. Have some money. Yeah.

I thought with my knowledge of what was happening, I thought we would have won. We should go to the casino. Sure. Let's go have beers at the casino. Yeah, I'm happy to do that. I was watching a show called The Leftovers, HBO series that I'm watching at the moment.

It's great. And there's an episode where someone, they need a lot of money. This is a spoiler alert, but it's like Ep 3, so it's not a huge plot point. But they go to the casino and they need to get a lot of money very quickly. And they just go to the

roulette table with a heap of money that they have. And again, if you want to watch it, tune out for 10 seconds. But they just keep putting all this money on the same thing and just winning each time and just doubling it each time. And there's part of me that's now in my head going like, that's just how the casino works. If I go down, that'll just happen to me. Do you know what I mean?

You see someone win big in a casino and you just think, well, that would be me. Yeah. Oh, I've got none of that. I've got no compunction to gamble. I just – I'm negative in terms of that stuff. I just go, how can I ever win that thing? I'm never interested. I just see that sort of stuff and go, no, I'll lose that.

That wouldn't be me. No. I would never win one of those things. See, the one and only time I've ever gone onto the casino floor in Melbourne and put money on, I had a bit of a payday. I came out with like 200 bucks up. Oh. Yeah.

And that's the only time I've ever – so in my head I'm like, I've got the magic touch. Right. Well, I've got friends that have done that and then had horrible times in their life after that because they just think this is how it works from then on. A friend of mine, we were just recently on a trip together, two friends, and one of my friends is very good at,

we were splitting accommodation costs. One of my friends is very good at just can get a number of like, oh, it's been 500 bucks and just know, you know, he's very good at just divvying up amounts immediately. And my other friend said, wow, you're like the Rain Man of numbers. I was like, no, that's literally just Rain Man. You can't be like, you know, autistic but with words. It's like, oh, that thing over there, that's called a dog.

Just knew it immediately. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Andrew. Thanks, Andy. Okay, well, I'm under the restraint of this is the final one according to you. It was my pick and I said five. Okay.

So that's, you know, you gave me the choice. You could have picked any number. And you just have to accept that. Yep. Because it was my call this week. Yep. That's what I want to do. Could have been anything.

All right. So is this the last, is this five? This is the fifth one. Oh, this is the last one. Okay, cool. Yep. The fifth one. Yep.

Okay. Time to hit that big red button one more time. And thank you to Patreon and subscribe. Oh, right. Oh, okay. Great. That's funny. I was just about uh something like this before that's a strange coincidence that almost never happens um we did the shout out to comic confidential someone else has actually uh

yeah put a business in oh another business oh business. Oh, that's cool. Right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Coca-Cola Comedy. Okay, right. Yeah. So is this like how they do like Coke Zero, they do Diet Coke. I believe so. Coke Classic. Yes. Clear Coke.

Yeah. This is, I assume, a new line, Coca-Cola Comedy. And now what pray tell, what would be there? Because there's Coke Zero is like no sugar. Yeah. I presume this is like- Cherry Coke, vanilla Coke. A banana peel stuck in there maybe.

Right. Yeah. You take a sip and then you fart immediately. Yeah. Way too much gas in there. To the delight of everyone around you. Yeah, yeah. So that's what it is.

It's just extra carbonated. Extra funny stuff in there. It's like Ipecac, like. So that's what it is. It's just extra carbonated. Extra funny stuff in there. It's like Ipecac, like that stuff that makes you sick. So as soon as you take a sip, you just spew. Mad magazine style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some fish bones floating around. Fish bones come out.

Yeah, your false teeth come out even though you don't have them. Heaps of funny stuff happen. Right, right. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Coca-Cola comedy. Right, interesting. Yeah.

And it's just, so is Coca-Cola comedy, you know how like Coke kind of have that thing where they've like co-opted the image of Santa Claus? Yes. Is Coke comedy like they've co-opted the image of Alfred E. Newman? No, it's- What, me, thirsty? Rodney Rood. Yeah.

Well, this sounds like a delicious drink. Yeah, I mean, it's a shame that the Coca-Cola Amatil company only had $5 to spend on advertising for this product. Oh, right. They put in $5. Hang on. Let me check it. Sorry. My mistake.

That was someone else. $69. $69. That is significantly more than… Not to sound like a rain man of numbers over here, but that's $64 more than what you said. Still not that much money for Coca-Cola. I mean, they've gotten a steal. Yeah.

Although, you know what? That's a very canny marketing, I guess, manager. Instead of, you know what? Very easy to be in that job and go, here's a marketing budget. Fucking put a billboard here, a billboard there. Man, advertise on a podcast. Yeah. And not even proper advertising.

Sneak it into the Patreon. Oh, I would love that. So, yeah, we've said the call out of like get a business, put your business name in, which a podcast has done this week. What do you think is the biggest business we can get absolutely ripping us off by subscribing to the Patreon and getting a free ad at it? Not free ad, but a very, very cheap ad. I don't think there's any – look.

That would be great if it's like thank you to sponsor rio tinto yeah someone who works at like some massive company who's a fan who just runs it up the chain and the money has to come through not from your personal account we have to get proof that it's from the company account i would love for that to happen if if if anyone out there can finagle that yeah i would i would love for that to happen yeah play this take this. Take this to your boss for as little as $5 a month and have us absolutely pants around our ankles getting absolutely taken advantage of in the advertising world. By big name.

By big company. Yeah. Oh, look, I'm happy for it to be from Bonaventura's fucking plumbing services or whatever as well. Yeah, but a massive, massive conglomerate. If anyone, if, you know, Ken at Shell Oil wants to give us a subscription. Yeah. Because let's be realistic.

It's not, I mean, it's not like, you know, we're being taken advantage of, but it's not like we're missing out on anything. It's not like, oh, if only we didn't have the Patreon, they would have bought a proper ad on the show for 10 million dollars totally yeah so happy to be to get totally ripped off from volkswagen or fucking whoever's out there someone someone there in accounting someone there in marketing if you can somehow squeeze the smallest sponsorship out of your coffers that would be endlessly entertaining for us we should do like a Super Bowl week episode of this show where it's just a very lacklustre episode

but there's an ad break every 10 minutes and we've just busted our ass to get some fucking big players on board. Oh, look, I'm still keen for us to work on this idea that we haven't worked on yet, which is the $1,000 podcast. Oh, yeah, the Wu-Tang press it to vinyl and there's only one episode. Yes. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah.

Well, you know, we've got a relatively clean schedule for the end of the year. Maybe that's something to focus on next. Yeah, maybe. I mean, I've got a lot of work to do. Yeah, but, you know. Okay. Well, thanks, Coca-Cola Comedy. And thank you to everyone who supported us on Patreon,

patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. If you want to chip in, we very much appreciate it. And you do get some sweet bonuses out of it. We have the live shows coming up Brisbane October 21, Melbourne October 27, Perth November 18, littledumbdumbclub.com for all those tickets for all the merch, links to all the other stuff we're doing, we're on the socials, hit us up

we always love hearing from you guys lots of nice emails coming in lately from people telling us, just dropping a line to say how much they like the show lots of people buying shirts lately if you're into that, if you're one of those sort of people that like to be covered up in public go to the website

check out the shirts that are running you know what they just never stop selling the classics like the aware of little dum-dum club and the burger logo

t-shirt and you know the new member of the holy trinity the alright mate we've all got stuff going on t-shirt is joining

he's joining the sales on those websites awesome well thanks heaps, guys. Thanks for listening and we will see you next week. Until then, see you next time. See you, mates.