The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 419 - Brooks Wheelan & Brett Blake

Episode Date: October 16, 2018

We've reached into the vault for this one with BROOKS WHEELAN from SNL and BRETT BLAKE from S(e)N(tre)L(link). Nice. We talk to Brooks about his super famous girlfriend, we hear about Blakey at the Edinburgh Fringe and we dive into some of the best stories of the weirdos who do open mics. Don't forget, we have a bunch of huge live shows coming up:BRISBANE: We're heading back to do our 2018 stand-up shows back-to-back PLUS a huge live podcast! OCTOBER 21.MELBOURNE: We're doing a huge live episode PLUS a roast! OCTOBER 27.PERTH: We're heading back for our annual huge day of stand-up and podcasting! NOVEMBER 18. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with special American guest Brooks Whelan and friend of the show Brett Blake. But first of all, we've got to tell you about a couple of things that we have coming up. Brisbane, this is it. If you live in that city, we are there this Sunday, October the 21st, 1pm at the Triffid. Still some tickets left for our huge show. It's us doing stand-up, it's a live podcast, and then it's a little something extra at the end that we think you guys are really going to love. So get on it. Sunday, October 21 at 1pm. Get down there, Brisbane.

That is, if you're listening to this straight away. Then, the very next weekend, we're in Melbourne doing a live Adelaide podcast. Yes, that makes sense. Saturday, October 27th, 8pm. Guys, get in there. It is a massive live podcast with heaps and heaps of guests plus a live roast at the end. Get in there, Melbourne.

Pack it out. Let's do that. Unrecorded roast, we should say. Yes. So that's the only way you're going to hear some very funny, very brutal content is by being at the show. So don't miss that. Then we are in Perth, Sunday, November the 18th.

And what do we say about this? I think we're officially sold out. We're sold out. We're done. Yeah. Yeah. Look, if Perth, if you are after a ticket, we'll talk to the venue and we may release a very, very, very small amount of extra tickets.

See, now that it's done, this will be the floodgates opening up of all the messages pouring into the inboxes. Oh, I've been listening to the show for eight years. I'm your biggest fan in Perth. I've left it until this late to get a ticket. Is there anything you can do for me? So, yeah, we'll see how many of them we get in the next couple of weeks. It's fair.

We've only been advertising it for about three months. So, you know, it's tough for people. And they're all doing it tough over there. So, you know, hard to string $50 together in order to come to a show. But thanks, Perth. Thanks, Path, for selling that out very quickly. We've still got a month to go. Record attendance in Perth for us.

Exactly. So that's exciting. Yeah. And, yeah, a great line-up of friends of the show coming over, so that's going to be a ripper. Tickets for those other shows, littledumbdumbclub.com. You can also support us on Patreon. If you enjoy getting the show for free every week,

then you can chip in to support us. It is greatly appreciated. You get bonus rewards. We are going to be back with Talking Dumb Dumb after you hear the episode to read out some names of subscribers. We haven't worked out how many we'll do yet. But until then, enjoy this episode with Brooks Whelan and Brett Blake. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and with me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good day, dickhead. Let's get our guests in. Let's get straight into it. Joining us today, Brett Blake.

Yeah. Fresh back from Edinburgh. Yeah, man. Fresh as a daisy and looking a million dollars today. You've got a spring in your step. Spring in my step. We'll talk about that a bit later. Yeah.

How many weeks did you do? I was there for five weeks. Oh, my God. And you didn't kill yourself? No. Not yet. No. I thought about it. It sounds like you for five weeks. Oh my God. And you didn't kill yourself? No. Not yet. He sounds like you did, but... Yeah, no.

No, I didn't kill... No, it was good. It was good fun. But I'm back now. It was good? I can't do... Because you guys do a show every night, right? Show every night.

For five weeks in the same spot, I couldn't do it. Who the fuck is asking this question? Yeah, let's introduce our other guest who's just assumed hosting duties. It's Brooks Whelan, everyone. Yeah. Thanks for having me on. No, I'm just always interested in... Some people love Edinburgh Our other guest who's just assumed hosting duties. It's Brooks Whelan, everyone. Thanks for having me on.

No, I'm just always interested in, some people love Edinburgh and some people hate it. So we're going slang. Edinburgh Fringe Festival is what we're talking about. So you went over there and you did like a show for three weeks or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, yeah. So it's a show every night, but like I think we're kind of used to it because Melbourne we do it every year.

So it's kind of like the same. But it was in a little shitty fucking loft and it was hot as fucking balls. And you got listeners? You got listeners of this show coming along this evening? Yeah, I had like 20 come, like just different random ones. And then, yeah, it was fucking awesome. Like some of the guys that came to Koh Samui came from like Glasgow or came down or came across from Glasgow, had a few beers.

Just so you know, Brooks uh we do a podcast festival in kosamui in thailand oh so we did that a couple months ago and we had like a couple hundred people come over to that so that's i just realized we haven't even told you what the name of this fucking podcast is or what it is or anything research i listened on my walk over from oh really yeah oh okay all right which episode you listen to just like maybe three minutes of the last one you did. Yeah. And then I went back to music because I was like, I'm on a walk. Yeah.

You get it. You pick up the vibe in three minutes. Yeah, you get it. I was like, okay, yeah, I like these guys. I'm going to go back to Wolf Mother. When I'm in Australia, I listen to just like Courtney Barnett and Wolf Mother. Oh, yeah. Two extremes of Australian music.

We're like the Wolf Mother of podcasting over here. We were heaps better years ago. We're very derivative of Mark Maron. The main one is a fucking asshole. I was about to say the main guy's a cunt. No one likes him. Everyone else has quit but you two. This is the fifth line-up change that this podcast has had so far.

You just keep hiring yes men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they still going? But fuck, our first episode, it was good. Good stuff. This sucks, but that was good. Are they still going? They are, because I only know because I was,

you know, of course, Wolf Mother, the first album's dope. It's great. It is awesome. And I went to play them because I'm in Australia. I was like, I haven't listened to Wolf Mother in a minute. And they have a song called Wolf Mother's Day that they put out on Mother's Day.

All right, now back on board. That's not bad. Hang on, he's one of the new members, Weird Al Yankovic. Welcome to Mother's Day. And I was like, oh, man, what are you doing? Yeah, now I know why they're not popular anymore. Yeah, yeah. Fucking hell.

I'm back on board. Can you talk about this publicly? Were you telling us just before off air that you're kind of friendly with the Kings of Leon guys. Yes, friendly enough. I was lucky enough to be on the show Saturday Night Live and I made the mistake of only writing for the bands instead of the actual hosts. You were writing songs for the bands?

Very confident, just handing them notes. I would put them in sketches because the bands would always want to be in sketches. And I was the one that was like, I'm on it. I don't know how to write for Charlize Theron, but I'm pretty sure Kings Leon dudes are fun. So I wrote a sketch where they played the Duck Dynasty guys. Oh, yeah.

And yeah, I played Kid Rock and Bobby Moynihan was Guy Fieri and it was i played kid rock and bobby moynihan was guy fiatty and it was a christmas special with all these pieces of trash um yeah and then just through that like i love music so much that i was like you know to uh um jared the bassist who's my age i was like yo you should make some more smoking jackal because that's his side project and he was like what you know about that i was like yeah. I just use SNL as a way to weasel my way in to make friends with musicians I admire. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, totally.

So you were a cast member and a writer for one season? One season, yeah. One season. Yeah. Joining the rarefied era of – who else won the season? Oh, I mean – The one in Dunclop. People love to say Robert Downey Jr.

He did it for one year. I don't know, man. It's a lot of people. It's a, yeah. Randy Quaid. I don't, was he on it? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. How does he know this and you don't? Because he's writing for fucking the Spice Girls. He's sort of doing his fucking history check. Is SNL still going? Can I, is that? I mean, apparently. Big comedy fan over here.

I don't know. It's the industry that you work in, you fucking idiot. No, you grow out of it. I don't follow that shit. Are The Simpsons still yellow? Yeah. It's a high school show. It's a show you like when you're in your adolescence.

Yeah. And you kind of grow out of it. It wasn't really a big thing here, though, was it? No, it's only ever been on cable. Yeah, we got on VHS at the local Video Easy. It was like all Mike Meyer ones. You do know all the people that have come out of it, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the point. Yeah, it's still happening. It's like an ex-girlfriend of mine who's doing really well. Right, right, right. I can't get away from it. I'm like, God, just fucking die. I do wonder, though, who is watching that show now? When you're saying it's for adults,

are kids now getting into Saturday Night Live? You don't want it to end, though, dude, because you can say forever that you've been on Saturday Night Live when it's still around, because then once it ends, it's like, remember Saturday Night Live? Not really. I was on it. I'm fine with that, honestly,

because it's not like I did well on it. You know what I mean? So I wanted to do well. I don't care about being on something i want to be successful on it um i forgot what i was gonna say but i don't i don't know yeah uh so you did one season when you say you didn't do well so i was barely on it and then i got fired so that's not fun i got to do some stand-up on it on the weekend update oh great yeah which is the only thing i ever ever really wanted to do yeah i was like, let me do this more.

Does it pay well? Yeah. I was just about to ask. It pays really, it pays really bad. I was really, I was super broke in New York. Um,

are they like, Oh, you get good exposure. That's exactly what it is. It's a crazy contract. It's a seven year contract. It pays off. We wouldn't have had him on this podcast.

If you didn't have that credit. You wouldn't be in Tommy's shitty one bedroom apartment. It's, you year contract Man it pays off We wouldn't have had him On this podcast If he didn't have that credit Yeah you wouldn't be In Tommy's shitty One bedroom apartment It's You make Like five thousand dollars An episode Five grand an episode

That's pretty Pretty good like Right But not in a Not like if you're on I don't think he knows Who he's talking to That sounds amazing

No sure but okay So Yeah but that's sick So five thousand dollars An episode There's twenty one episodes So that's like A hundred and five thousand dollars But then you know Fifty percent to taxes Yeah, that's sick. So $5,000 an episode, there's 21 episodes, so that's like $105,000.

But then, you know, 50% to taxes, and then 25% to agents, managers, and lawyers. Like, I would walk away from each episode with $1,600. And then I'm living in New York City, broke as fuck. Oh, yeah. Well, we don't have agents or managers, so we'd be fine. We'd be getting a sweet extra 50%. I don't play tax, obviously.

It was solid, but compared to, like, managers so we'd be fine we'd be getting the sweet i don't play tags it was it was like it was solid but compared to like i've been on like abc show where you make like 30 000 an episode and you don't have to write it yeah yeah okay but either way uh cool it was cool to do it who was the biggest dick on the show when you were there lauren the boss yeah so he's the one who hired you and fired you so yeah

surely a bit of mixed emotion or not really no I love I like that guy a lot he's honestly really funny I wasn't I'm not a characters guy

I'm a stand up comedian yeah yeah yeah I've had talks with him since I would I would say thanks man yeah yeah yeah he's just like

what have you been up to literally you are a characters guy what are you talking about you nailed it yeah he's like what have you been up to? Literally, I sat down and he's like, You are a character's guy. What are you talking about? You nailed it. Yeah. And he's like, what have you been up to? How is it going?

And I was like, well, I sold a show, but it didn't go. He's like, why not? And I was like, well, I don't know. He's like, you should be working more. And I was like, you fired me. It's your fault that I'm not working more. I tried, man. I tried.

I had a job, and then this asshole fucking got rid of me. Nah, it's all good. That was a while ago, though. But, man, great thing to have on the CV. Sure, yeah. I wouldn't have it on all of it. It's like when you see old comics, you go, as appeared on Hey Hey, it's Saturday still.

You're like, yeah. But that's fucking good. That's the number one thing on my CV now is that I know you. Sure. Yeah, man. Yeah. I can't wait for it not to be brought up. You know what I mean?

Sorry. No, it's not your fault, but I'm like, some of my other friends who were on the show have since created their own shows that are pretty successful in America, like Detroiters and this other show called AP Bio where some of my friends who were like one season and left, but there were writers on the show as well. And, you know, that's what I'm like,

I want my show. I want a show. Well, the good thing is that the other thing that you're most famous for is going out with a really famous YouTube star. Well, yeah, I do date a person that's wildly more successful than myself. And she's why I'm in Australia right now.

Yeah, right, right. She gets a plus one to come out here and do a YouTube convention. She's doing like a meet and greet right now, I believe. What does she do on YouTube? Sorry, we should say who it is. It's Keyboard Cat. You're rooting a cat. It's Tay Zonday, the guy who did Charm

at Rain. He's a fat guy with a lightsaber. He's so much smarter than you think. There's more to him than the lightsaber yeah he was

you know high school's weird that's literally my favourite YouTube thing is that big fat guy with the samurai sword just hitting things

there's nothing better than that in the world it's great and the whole backstory like him not putting it out that you know it being put up against his will

it's all right yeah yeah some kids found it on his school computer or something. Oh, really? So it's bullying as well. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I didn't think it was funny before, but now. Please tell me he's killed himself.

That would top it off. Icing on the cake. No, my girlfriend was just like kind of one of the first YouTube comedians. Her name is Grace Helbig. She's very funny. It makes like positive YouTube video. Not positive.

Like YouTube videos about for like she has a young fan base. She's written a few. I'm obsessed with that one guy who's an absolute knob. That Logan Paul guy. He's so funny. Like he was in a boxing match with another YouTube guy. I'm like obsessed with him. He's so funny.

No, I know. My girlfriend does not like. He really kind of ruins him. He's so funny. No, I know. My girlfriend does not like, he really kind of ruins her... Basically, it's like the worst stand-up comedian ever and then everyone's like, so you're all like that guy? No, some of us are nice!

He's always in an Instagram story and then when he went to that Japanese... Like, you're a fucking idiot. Like, he's sitting there trying to talk about his girlfriend and you're like, here's who I think's fucked. Shut up. You're trying to talk about a TV show you're a fucking idiot. Like, he's sitting there trying to talk about his girlfriend, and you're like, he's who I think's fucked. Shut up. You're trying to talk about a TV show you watch. Shut up.

No, I'm like, dude, that guy's just not good for business, because it makes the whole platform look terrible. Totally, yeah. No, yeah, he went to Japan, and he found someone who'd killed themselves in the suicide forest, and he roasted them, and then he got in all this trouble. He's like, oh, my God. He was like, blue. god, he's like blue.

And then he had to be like, sorry, I didn't know that would offend anybody. He's like, what the fuck? Yeah, he had to do this

big apology where he's like, oh, I didn't mean to offend anyone and then you see all the other content he was making in Japan is like, basically one step short

of him going up to people and going, oh, me not right here. It's so bad. He threw pokeballs at cops. Oh,

did he? Yeah. I'm so back on board with this guy. He's so bad. He threw pokeballs at cops. Oh, did he? Yeah. I'm so back on board with this guy. He's so sick. I used to really like him until I realized how it actually did upset my girlfriend. Yeah, right. She'd be like, please don't, because I'd watch and just die laughing. I'm like, this guy's so fucking dumb.

I know. It's so good. When he does the splits as well, that gets me. That's good. That's a great way to bully your girlfriend, though. Just bring up shit YouTubers and just be like, that's you. That's you. That's what you do. No, mate. Yeah yeah this guy's got more followers well also but my girl has also written two books that were like really popular so that's i don't know she's talented is that what you need to do to just get the stench of youtube off you like that you just

go fuck i wrote a book as well i'm an author I mean, she had a television show on E! for a little bit called The Grace Helbig Show. She's wildly more successful than any of us. Oh, yeah. You can tell he's more successful than Tommy. Just look at his hair. The drum kit in the lounge room. This is just a front.

This is the garage. Yeah. This is like Maren's garage. This is what we're doing with our podcast. Nice carpeted garage. Yeah. With no possible way of garage. This is what we're doing with our podcast. Nice carpeted garage. Yeah. With no possible way of a car being in. Easy.

So she's got like, yeah, she's got like millions and millions of followers on YouTube and stuff. Is there anyone who's like a bit obsessive about like, you know, looking up details about you and stuff? Does that make, because I know someone who has like a UFC, like a card girl, whatever you call it. What do you call the UFC girls that come out with the round numbers? Probably a card girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The round girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That sounds weird, a round girl. But anyway, Guy has a girlfriend that works for the UFC in that way. And how do you know this girl, Kyle? And he gets absolutely pounded on social media. People just want to fucking kill him. Oh, no. Because he's dating her? Yeah.

Because he's a partner? Wow. No, my girlfriend, she doesn't sexualize herself at all. And her fan base is skews young female. Right. So it's like the most positive. It dumbfounded me. Really?

When I saw how positive her YouTube world is. Because to us as comedians, it's like he puts them up and someone's like really nice fans yeah fuck I didn't know you could do that with the internet yeah yeah you can I guess if you're just a genuinely nice person. Carl's going to find her page later and start writing death threats on there. I'll take it down a fucking peg. We should have gone to this meet and greet. We need to get some pointers from her on how to inspire

positivity in an audience. She grills me on not promoting correctly. Like, I've been terrible at promoting as comedians. You know. Because you shit like other'm other comedians who do it you're like yeah fucking look at this guy advertising himself oh my god what are you front facing camera again yeah yeah it's like she's like i have a house i was on your twitter

before i think your most recent tweet is melbourne i'm doing a show tonight no details about the venue or an address or anything like that i think i I'd put on there. Well, at least you've got the city. I mean, that narrows it down. Exactly. Yeah. People can take a punt. There's like, what, five gigs on in Melbourne on a Saturday night? Listen for laughter and follow that. I think I said APM European Beer Cafe.

Okay. Oh, nice plug for a podcast that comes out three weeks later. Yeah, nice. Exactly. Yeah. No, and I'm excited. Because we did a show, Carl and I'm excited I wasn't because we did a show Carl and I

on Thursday and I went up and was just like fucking fumbled through the whole thing so I like I listened to that setback and I was like there's

some changes to be made it's weird to pop over to a foreign country and just be like oh man I got a lot of local references you know like we the

same thing in like Edinburgh design like just even the simplest thing you like oh do you know what that is? Yeah, I'm like... Fuck. Just your appearance for a start.

Yeah, they were very baffled. To be fair, you're looking pretty braveheart. Yeah, well, I thought I got absolutely no love over there. They were baffled by my appearance. Really? Yeah, well, they didn't know what a bogan was, so you can't explain it to them. They're like, because a chav's different,

but chav is the closest thing to it. But what about a pikey? Is a bogan was so you can't explain it to them they're like because a chav's different but chav is the closest thing to it but what about pikey is a bogan in a pikey like a country person a bogan is like a redneck yeah

that's I mean you know people you've seen people that look like that in America you would call that a redneck would you I'm not really

like a redneck though no I know nobody who does comedy like if you're a redneck you would hide it you appear to be trying not to. Yeah, because I find it funny.

No, exactly. That's what I mean. A redneck, you would have a hat on and be pro-Trump. You did this as a joke four years ago and you just stuck with it. To fuck my brother's wedding photos? Yeah. I'm a good brother. Because in WA, it's a big thing to go get married

in Bali like it's a close country it's really cheap Carl's favourite holiday destination I believe anyway so I said to my brother

I always said to him growing up I was like man if you ever get married in Bali I'm rocking up with a mullet and he got married

in Bali like had a Javanese wedding there so I just ruined all his photos with a filthy mullet so it was sick and jokes on him

yeah he loved it you're still sticking it to him yeah into all these photos with the filthy mullets. That was sick. And jokes on him. Yeah. He loved it. You're still sticking it to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, it's just stuck now. You're still picking up 40% less than you used to. Yeah. All right.

You really fucked him over. What's the upkeep on this? Like, what are you going to do to maintain it? It's actually quite a bit of work. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't realise long hair, you've got to wash it like every second day. It's crazy. You know what I mean? I didn't realize long hair, you've got to wash it like every second day. It's crazy.

You know what I mean? Like shampoo condition, you've got to double shampoo, condition twice, you've got to leave it in. It's a fucking nightmare. Right. Otherwise,

it doesn't look any good. I used to. Sarcastic. You might look gross. When I first started comedy, I started in the middle of America in this state called Iowa and I grew my hair really long

because I was like, you can't be funny if you look normal. I honestly believe that and I used Iowa and I grew my hair really long because I was like, you can't be funny if you look normal. I honestly believe that. I used to make fun of my hair. My first joke was making fun of my hair. Was it coming out and doing a bit of, now I know what you're all thinking. Yes. Shut the fuck up. I remember I was like,

oh, who's this girl? And I got off stage and the headline or whatever was like, so you don't like your hair? I was like, no. He's like, then fucking cut it. And I did. I was like, I guess that's a good point. Yeah. He like so you don't like your hair I was like no he's like then fucking cut it and I did I was like I guess it's a good point yeah he's like don't

guy speaks truth yeah he's like yeah either way I think I've told this on the show before but I had a friend when I started doing comedy

a guy I started with who had a wardrobe of like novelty joke t-shirts yeah and he had an opener about every one of the t-shirts

just ready to go so if it was like a special gig that he really wanted to impress at he's like well this is the shirt that's got the best joke

about it so I'll wear that Gabriel Iglesias you went to school with him didn't you yeah I started out at the same time as Gabriel Iglesias

yeah the fluffy guy but yeah either way I also used to wear remember how dumb you were when you started? I would wear a Brooks Rules t-shirt. It was a big photo of me and it just said Brooks Rules. The arrogance of an open mic.

That's sick. That's me on the show. The confidence you have is... I'll never have that confidence again. Totally. Was it ironic or was it real? Oh, it was joking. Yeah, yeah.

It was like how funny it would be if somebody went on stage with a photo of themselves. This is a Steve-O tattoo. Yeah, yeah was joking. Yeah, yeah. I was like, how funny it would be if somebody went on stage with a photo of themselves. This is a Steve-O tattoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Have you still got the T-shirt? I don't think so. I don't because I know I don't. Maybe it's at home in Iowa somewhere.

Right. Because I was trying to explain it and I couldn't even find a photo of it. You should bring that back as merch. That's sick. Yeah, that's great. Vlog them off Any of us ever

Wear anything embarrassing on stage When we started out I used to wear pyjamas on stage You used to wear pyjamas on stage Yeah Yeah That was pretty bad But it would kill

It would kill Well The jury's out on that one still Yeah I got videos It used to go well It went a lot better Than when I used to fucking

Stop wearing them for a while It was fucking The transition The transition exactly Yeah the transition From when I went from Super long hair To looking normal

I was like Oh my god You just lost your opener Yeah Yeah I lost all my confidence Unless you still did that opener And go check out my hair And everyone's like

That looks cool Yeah that was the moment Where I was like, fuck, I got to write jokes now. I can't just be a silly wackadoo. Yeah. So you've been in, you're over here for your girlfriend's work, I guess. Yeah. Doing a conference and stuff like that. But you've been in Tasmania.

You've been like staying. Yeah, we were in Tasmania for a week, and that was dope. We landed the day your prime minister, that thing went down. Right. Which I don't understand at all. We don't either. None of us do either. Yeah, that's what I found out.

I've like, sincere, like people will, so we landed and my girlfriend's famous, like big enough to where people come up to her in the airport. Yeah. I noticed this, like, so you came and did my gig on the Thursday and like. People come just to see her. Yeah. Because you'd said, hey, I'm going to come into a spot. And then I noticed

There's some people that aren't really facing the stage Yeah they're all trying to get photos with her Yeah yeah yeah So I hope she's coming tonight Is what I'm saying I think she will I know her other friends are Oh nice

Yeah it'll be good But so people come and be like Hey can I get a photo with you These Australian people And then I'd be like What's going on with the Prime Minister What is this This looks nuts And then they'd be like I don't know And I'd be like What hey, can I get a photo with you? These Australian people. And then I'd be like, what's going on with the prime minister? What is this? This looks nuts.

And then they'd be like, I don't know. And I'd be like, what do you mean you don't know? Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy that other politicians can just go, we don't like the guy in charge. You must be looking at that guy. It must be nice. Yeah.

Yeah. My joke was about how it's like a fight club. Yeah. Where it sounded like, I looked into it and that guy was like, oh, yeah? You want to vote about it? Yeah. And everyone was like, yeah you want to vote about it yeah and everyone was like yeah it sort of happens

what happens is you get close to an election and you go we're going to everyone goes we're going to lose this election because no one likes our leader so if we choose

if we change our leader right now we've all got a chance of saving our jobs and that just happens to happen all the time it used to never happen and then as of about six years ago

it happens like every couple of years now it's so dumb it said you guys have had like six prime ministers in the last like six years ago, it happens like every couple of years now. It's so dumb. It said you guys have had like six prime ministers in the last like six years. Yeah, but we only voted in like two of them or something. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah.

I don't get it. I tried to like learn about it through podcasts and she was like, can you put Wolf Mother back on? Yeah. Yeah, they never got rid of that leader. That's the thing. They probably should have. That's a dictatorship.

Yeah. He would have had a good opener as a stand-up set with that fucking hair. He's the thing. They probably should have. That's a dictatorship. Yeah. He would have had a good opener as a stand-up set with that fucking hair. He's good. That would be cool if band members could do just like overthrow

the lead singer and just be like, you know, there's a leadership spill in Wolf Marble. I'm the lead singer now. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going from drums to lead singer. Yeah. You're out. I went to Rice Paper Scissors or whatever, this Thai restaurant

over here the other day. It was really good, but they were playing Stadium, Arcadium, the Chili Peppers album in its entirety, which I've never seen. Big fan of that. A restaurant just chucking on a full album, not a playlist. A full double album. A real good Thai vibe. Red Hot Chili Peppers.

And we got chili in the thing. We got chili peppers. It kind of makes sense, right? Come on. This food sort of sucks. This band definitely sucks. Chili peppers are sick. But then I explained

to my girlfriend, speaking of throwing over a lead singer, I was like, there's a song that Flea sings. Yeah, yeah. There's one song

that Flea sings. Like the real Ringo track. Yeah, and it's like, he's like, I'm a little pea and he sounds like that and they're like, whoa, we can't let

Flea fucking sing anymore. Yeah, back to the back. See you, champ. Hey, Flea's Australian anymore. Yeah, back to the back. Say it, J.A.M. Yeah. Hi, Flea's Australian. Is he? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. He lives next to me in Los Angeles. Really? Yeah. Like, not...

He's one up to you there. No, I'm saying, not the same social, like, clearly, I live in an apartment. He lives,

like, across the street up in a house. Right. But he is really fucking rad dude. There's this place called the Silver Lake

Conservatory of Music, which is this really cool music area. I live in East Los Angeles, which used to be, poor now, it's hip. Yeah, East LA. I remember Cheech Marin's movie. Yeah, exactly. He's the wildest brain. He's the weirdest reference.

Basically, Flea runs this really cool school for music for kids, and you just see literally walking to get tacos, Flea's watering the flowers.'s that's cool because when we talk to people from la it's it's weird because it's like everything we see on tv seems to everyone on there seems to live within about five blocks of each other every comedian that i all the stuff comedians that like quote unquote this is dumb to say but like alt comedians you know like guys who like you know not traditional

music like comedy venues live in East LA so like you can't go for a jog without running a fucking nine comic right

and then you're just like yo you wanna go to see this movie yeah alright who lives within two blocks of you I live below Barry Rothbart like across the street

from Nick Turner across the street from Nick Turner Across the street from James Adomian Oh wow Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon live Like maybe four blocks away Pete Holmes lives three blocks away Kyle Kinane lives Oh wow

Most of those people have been on this show Everybody lives around UCB Yeah right It's like a cool area town. So all comedians, any other musicians or movie stars or anything weird? I mean, I run into Jim James sometimes. I get real excited. Who?

Jim James. He's the lead singer of My Morning Jacket. Oh, right, right, right. More great hair. Wait, what? Great hair. Great hair, yeah. Chappelle used to go to this weird afterours den I would hang out in and DJ.

After-hours den? It opens at 2 in the morning. Would he just DJ for way too long? He would just put his phone in. Right. His iPhone in a walk away. Yeah, and just go up and like, yeah, I don't know. But yeah, he still drops in.

Who wants to see comedy that long that's what I was going to say before when you're talking about you're going to that Thai restaurant and they just play chili peppers what I love so full disclosure I go to Thailand

two or three times a year I'm fucking obsessed that's why we did a podcast festival over there but what I love about those places over there is you go into a bar and they go

oh they've just got YouTube so you just play whatever the fuck you want on YouTube all the time, which I think is awesome. But we went there once and I was going to go for a jog. I went there with a couple of friends and I was going to go for a jog and then as I was going for a jog, they go, come and have a beer

before you go for your jog. And I'm like, that sounds like a good idea. Okay. And then so we go and have a – That's my double exercise. Yeah. So I'm in my little shorts and my Nike gear and everything. Oh, here we go.

Oh, yes. Now we're all horny. Yes, daddy. Yeah, come on. in my little shorts and my Nike gear and everything. Oh, here we go. Oh, yes. Now we're all horny. Yes, daddy. Yeah, come on. Keep going. Yeah, this is not a funny story. This is a sexy story. So we go in there for like a morning beer and then we're there the rest of the day.

Like that's it. We're just getting Polacks except I'm in all Nike gear, in fluoro, running gear. Just active wear. This guy's boozing is sponsored. You look like the most Australian person ever. Yeah, totally. Totally. Like I've dressed up to go out for a drink.

So we're there and we're like, they've got the YouTube, they've got a laptop on the bar and everything and we're like, oh this is awesome and we're playing pool and we're just playing every track we want and we're going, oh this is just like our private party here and this is great and then two of us went to get dinner and we said, oh we'll come back

in a bit and left one guy there and we came back and we didn't realise that they'd been charging us per YouTube song. Oh, my God. We ran up this massive debt. That's sick. For playing YouTube and this other guy got stuck with it and they wouldn't let him leave. And we sort of went out for dinner and just like went and got more beers and sort of forgot about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, we'll come back later. And this guy just got stung with so much because we've been playing pool and YouTube and apparently both of them are $5 a go or whatever it is. Yeah, right. I was going to ask if you could remember what the rate was. No, I don't because we just ran into him the next day and went, I got fucked. And he was living on the street. Yeah.

It's a shame you weren't the one that got left behind because you're in that running gear. You could have done an easy runner for the bill. Yeah. They had an eye on him. He's like inactive. He's ready to go. There's a really great bar here in Melbourne called Heartbreaker

that me and a friend go to a bit. It's awesome. It's got like a jukebox and me and my friend were really drunk there recently. Just absolutely feeding so much money into the jukebox and you get up the next day, you're like, what an obscene use of money in 2018. Do they have it over here where you can control the jukebox

from your phone? No. They might, but this was like a really old school. They had one in our local pub, which is like my, where I'm from is Forestwood, but it was a shithole, and it's like got a lot of old working class people there, but they had a jukebox no one used, and I used to just play the most crook song,

like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, take your shirt off, and like just play real fucked music just to annoy tradies, and the next week it was just removed. I love a jukebox that's got solid cds or records i fucking hate these touch tunes that it's like no the fun is you the you get to build the vibe of the bar you know the bar gets to choose like we want these we don't want these this one is cool because it's the big you know it's the pages that have the disc in the vc kind of turning over but it is like we sat there we spent so much money and it's like they're sort of from a time when it's like you know it was kind of hard to hear the music that you wanted to hear it's like well this is a treat getting to

hear this fleetwood mac song it's like just take your airpods out and just listen to it off your phone you've got spotify yeah yeah let's go on the dunny listen yeah i do love it yeah they love that in japan they're letting you hop on the laptop and get on YouTube and just play what you want in the bar. It's so good. You know what my favorite bar in Melbourne is that somebody pointed me to and I've been like five times is Cookie.

Do you guys ever go to this place? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just like it because they've got National Geographic everywhere. Right, right. You just pull out a natural. You're just like black topless women. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, exactly.

I just like reading about fucking Egypt while I'm getting drunk. Right. You just sneak a can of beer into a newsagent. Probably easier. That's actually true. I guess I just want to drink in the library. Yeah, bring a bong into the library. Yeah.

Australia's the only place that you guys call me Brooksy and I'm not mad. In America, it's condescending. But here I'm like, oh, that's cool. People call you Brooksy? That's interesting. In Australia. Right. But I would think that would be more common

if your last name was Brooks. I would never think to abbreviate someone's first name. I don't think there's anyone in Australia with a first name Brooks. Fair. So this is the first guy. Yeah, he was a famous baseball player that my dad named me after so he could meet him.

Really? Yeah. Did it work? Yeah, he's a famous baseball player, played third base for the Baltimore Orioles. Brooks Ruth? Brooks Robinson, close. Robbo.

Yeah, so then my dad would take me to baseball card shows and hold me up and be like, he's got, he's named after you. And then Brooks Robinson would be like, all right you named after you and then brooks robertson would be like all right that's like a traumatic childhood yeah you say it like this happened more than once it did yeah this is back when like athletes weren't paid shit so when they retired they'd have to fucking travel to shit towns and sign baseball cards for money yeah um i was gonna say was that that should have happened to babe ruth just bring a. Look, it's a baby named after you.

I got this candy bar. So did it work? Did he get to meet? Yeah, we got free tickets to like fucking Royals games and shit. Hell yeah. That's sick. It paid off. Oh, 100% paid off.

He named my other brother Brad after George Brad, after his other favorite baseball player. I'm starting to name it after hot chicks I want to meet. You know what I mean? You name my kid Flea, free Chili Peppers tickets. Meet my son Beyonce. other favourite baseball players. I'm starting to name it after hot chicks I want to meet. You know what I mean? Lisa Ross. Name my kid Flea. Free chilli peppers tickets. Meet my son Beyonce.

That's a weird thing though because you hold up your baby and then you've got to get out the birth certificate to fucking verify it. That's a lot of work for like a free ticket. I also think the guy was like

this kid's having a rough time let me just help this man out. He just saw the look in your eyes going, help me. He's going, this is the third time I've seen this guy. Just give him some free tickets. As a fellow Brooks, please help me out. Especially if you've done it more than once and there's just continually a guy holding up a baby.

It's you. He's like, I know. I met him last week. You've got to stop doing this. We'll follow you on tour. This is not a tour, man. We're not doing this. We'll follow you on tour. This is not a tour, man. We're not doing anything. I think I was named after a doctor at the hospital.

Yeah, you've said this. Which is weird because it's like, did my mum and dad not have a fucking idea before they walked in? That's the laziest thing. Like, what's your name? I was very close to being called doctor. Yeah, it's improv birth Can I get a suggestion?

It's the way I write jokes What's up with light bulbs? I think Kaiser So say to you From the usual suspects I don't know what I'm named after I should ask What the fuck's going on there? There's an alarm going off in my building

Is it a fire one? Yeah, we'll probably be fine What a way to go out This might be our legacy, boys There's an alarm going off in my building. Is it a fire one? Yeah, we'll probably be fine. Yeah, probably. What a way to go out. This might be our legacy, boys. It would be so weird for me to travel to Australia and then die doing a podcast. Not a shark bite or a snake bite.

He died doing very much what he does in LA. Didn't you read the warnings? Redback spiders and podcasts. I remember last year when I came for the first time. From my point of view in America, all we're told about Australia is they got eight out of the ten most deadly snakes

in the world. That's really thrown at us hard. That's what we know about Australia. There's so many shows about your fucking snakes. The Crocodile Hunter was so fucking popular growing up. It is funny whether we put that information out there and then every now and then we'll turn around and launch like that Danny

McBride tourism campaign that was in the Super Bowl. It's like you can't spend decades telling these people that everything in the country is going to kill them and then make the hard push of like but come it's great. That is funny the way that you know you guys know the crocodile hunter that much and whatever and then we go it's not all like that. Oh what happened know the crocodile hunter that much and whatever. And then we go, it's not all like that.

Oh, what happened to the crocodile hunter? Oh, yeah, he got killed by a fucking underwater creature. That was one of my first ever jokes that made sense. Do you know what I mean? The first joke people could track, you know, where they're like, okay, I saw what he did there. Because when he died, I was like, he died, but a stingray killed him. And he's a crocodile hunter. It's like if the Marlboro man

died but from polio which is a shit joke but it was the first time people were like that makes sense I see what he's doing that's great so you've cut your hair

and you're like what am I going to do jokes about yeah still long hair about Australia's national treasure that could have still been like people going

we don't understand that but that's funny hair that must be funny that's true one of my first ever jokes was doing something so fucked and then it got laughs and then just stopped getting laughs. And then I was like, how come it stopped getting laughs? And someone goes, it makes no sense.

Your joke isn't any good. I said, well, how come it's been getting laughs? And they're like, people are laughing at you. Yes. What you're saying is so dumb, they just think you are an idiot and you're supposed to be an idiot I have that secret fear about all of my material like if I have a good gig I'm like people are just laughing

because it's like they just don't yeah they feel sorry for me one of my first jokes this was the thing let's see if any of you three know what this thing is it was a fucking prop joke as well which is even worse oh yeah I had one of those I talked about how I was colorblind and check out this Rubik's Cube I solved.

I mean, that's good. That's great stuff. Bring it back. But it's the thing, comedians would just tear me apart. Absolutely. Fucking prop comic. I'm like, dude, I got nothing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so what was yours? Because you just know that you are, they can picture you walking to a gig with a fucking Rubik's Cube in your pocket. Also, I would have it in my pocket and I wouldn't mention it until the joke. It's like, what the fuck's in his pocket?

Did you have any nights where you're out there and you go to reach for it and you go, uh-oh, I've left it backstage? Yeah, yeah. I think I only did it like three times before another comedian really went after me. Oh, you got bullied out of it. Yeah, I got bullied out of it. It was the funniest one I've ever seen.

I'm sorry, you go. I'll go. I budged in. I'm already cut you off, sir. So this is pajama days? No, this is pre-paj go. I budged in. I'm already cut you off, sir. So this is Pajama Days? No, this is pre-Pajamas. Pre-Pajamas. Wow.

I like how everybody's comedy career does have eras. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, ooh. I used to wear sandals on stage. This is Jurassic Chandler at the moment. Jurassic. He's not walking upright yet. This was me.

I walked out on stage with a bottle of, like, an empty bottle of, like, coke, like a one-litre bottle, but without coke in it, but with water in it. So I'd walk out, and then I'd put it on the stage, just put it down, and then when people would clock it, I'd go, that's just to make sure no dogs piss on the stage while I'm up here. I saw that coming as well. Oh, so you know that? Yeah. You know what that is? Yeah, you put it on your lawn so you don't have to piss on it. Yeah,'m up here. I saw that coming as well. So you know that? Yeah.

You know what that is? Yeah, you put it on your lawn so you don't have to piss on it. Yeah, so I think you guys don't know what that is. I don't know. I've never heard that. It used to be a really old school way of like you put a bottle of water on your lawn and that would mean for some reason that stops dogs from pissing on your lawn.

I would have seen that bit and learnt about that, you know, through you doing it. I wouldn't have laughed. In my head I would have gone, oh, I guess that's a thing that people had to go home and Google. I was getting laughs because they were like, oh, I guess that's a thing that people see. I had to go home and Google it. I was getting laughs because they were like, this guy's obviously a surrealist. What the fuck is he supposed to mean?

I'm putting a bottle of water on a stage and no dogs are going to piss on it. Good work, Picasso of comedy. Yeah, there's no dogs up here. What's he worried about? Salvador Dumbcunt. There was a guy in the – this was like many years ago I saw when he actually forgot his prop on stage. Oh, yes.

But it was the worst thing ever, like the worst joke I've ever seen, or one of them. But because he was sweating, he's like, oh, no, oh, no. And I was like, no, no, no, no, I want to see this. So I ran out back, got his prop, brought it on stage, and he's like, thank you so much. And I was like, no, brother, thank you. And what he had was he had Mickey Mouse gloves,

giant Mickey Mouse gloves, right? And then he put them on and then he'd turn away and then he'd be like, sorry, guys, didn't mean to take the Mickey. Oh, fuck, yes. The Mickey? Oh, yeah, so that's a phrase. Yeah, taking the Mickey like. That'll help him work it out.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, what does taking the piss, I guess, mean in normal words? Making fun of you? Yeah, taking the mickey like... Yeah, taking the piss. Oh. That'll help him work it out. Again, that doesn't... Oh, yeah. Yeah, what does taking the piss, I guess, mean in normal words? Making fun of you? Yeah. Yeah. Not making fun, like just, yeah, fucking around, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, just goofing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just goofing. Oh, you could do that as well with this mickey and this goofy. You could do a double act. That's equally bad. I saw... So, open mics are so nuts.

Well, you guys know. Like, when guys know, like when I moved to Chicago, I moved to Chicago before I moved to New York or Los Angeles. And it was so insane. Like the comedy was so good there. But at the same time, it was like where Kumail, like the first open mic I went to, Kumail Nanjiani's doing the open mic. And he goes up and I'm like, oh my God, I'm the worst comedian I've ever seen.

I thought I was good in Iowa. And then the next kid went up and he just ate a jar of mayonnaise. And that was his whole set. I go, I think I'm all right. I'm in the middle. I'm the mayonnaise guy. I'll be right. Yeah, those weirdos, man.

Open mic weirdos are the greatest. Where's the mayonnaise guy now? Oh, I don't know, man. Fuck. What's the weirdest open mic? Do you have like a famous open mic Melbourne guy? Oh, man. I'm sure I've told this on the pod before, but I've got to pull it out

because you asked the question. Now you're in our, you're very much in our wheelhouse. He's just opening his laptop while all the fucking media's. And he'll show you photos, their address, he's probably recorded it. Break out the dossier. Group chats we're in about them. Fake accounts that I've made up to bully them online.

Bob Chandler over here, just trawling cunts. Fake accounts I've made of them. No, there was a – before I started comedy, yeah, I went around to like watch a couple of gigs before I did it and then there was this woman. Fuck, and it was the fucking best. She was – the great story is uh what i saw was just general crazy stuff but then i heard the story of what she'd done one time

when i wasn't there which was she walked out on this big national competition that i have in australia she walked out and like told some joke and she's not quite all there this woman she tells some joke and open mic are unstable? Yeah, and doesn't get a laugh. And so she pulls a hammer out of her pocket and hits herself in the head. A real hammer? Yeah. Oh, my God.

And then she then starts the next joke, which doesn't go well primarily because people are still reeling from the fact that they've just watched a woman hit herself in the head with a hammer and then, so that of course rolls on to make her hit herself in the head again with a hammer because that joke hasn't gone well.

So then the third joke goes on. As she's telling the third joke goes on. She's going to kill herself. As she does the third joke and she's warming up the hammer arm, someone literally just comes out and grabs her because she starts bleeding from her head on stage.

Oh, yes. Oh, fuck. That's fucking nuts. Yeah. So then she does that. That was the great one. But then I saw her. I didn't know about that story.

I saw her and she was just like berserk. She was just crazy on stage and it made no sense. She was going backstage and coming back for no reason. She was pretending that she was doing characters without explaining who any of the characters are or that they were different from her. It was just berserk and I was watching it thinking, she is brilliant. Andy Kaufman, this is…

Let me fill this Coke bottle up with water and show it how it's done. This is amazing. And then at the end of the gig, I walked up and went, I just want to say that that was amazing. That was so funny what you do up there that's so amazing and she went and i was like oh fuck this is not a character i've misread this and and so what happened then was apparently after that gig she then uh went to because i wasn't a comic she went out to all the comics and went oh i'm going to edinburgh i'm going to the the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I'm doing a fundraiser.

So I need you guys to come and do support for me at this fundraiser. And they're like, okay. And so the next week they go to do this fundraiser and there's like six other comics and she's the headline. And so they go to do their gear. They walk out on stage. There is no audience there. There's absolutely no one at a fundraiser.

And they go to say oh well we're done and she goes no the show must go on great yeah she forces them to keep doing the fundraiser

to no one to each other but it's just setting herself up for fail because when she doesn't get a laugh she hits herself in the head with a hammer there's no one there so she's going to die

yeah so they all go out and do their gear they all do their bits and then she then forces them to go and sit in the audience you've got to go and sit in the audience.

You've got to go and sit in the audience. Oh, my God. And you're listening to her as well because she has a hammer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For my head, yeah. I mean, if she does that to herself, what's she going to do to everyone else? So she forces them to sit in the audience.

But, of course, like I said, she was doing large bits of material where she was going backstage and just yelling them from backstage or putting a bucket over her head, heaps of stuff where she couldn't see the audience at all. So a minute into a half hour set, they all went home. Great. So she just did her headline set to no one. With a bucket

on her head to no one there. That's sick. Dude, one time I was running an open mic in Iowa and Gallagher, you guys know Gallagher, right? The guy that smashes the watermelon. Yeah, he shows up two days early for his show. And he's like, I was in town. I'm like, no one, this is in Iowa.

Yeah, right. But he showed up and I was like, oh my God, Gallagher, it'd be so cool if you would want to do some time. And he was like, I don't perform for free. And I was like, all right, that's fine. But then he heckled. From the back, like a fucking maniac. He was giving people tags.

You know what I mean? He was trying to help them with their jokes. What was these tags? I'll smash a watermelon. He'd be like, no, no, try this. Do it again. And I'm like, dude, this isn't a workshop. There was audience members there.

Open mics in Iowa are big because there's not a lot to do. And I had to go over and be like, Gallagher, you gotta shut the fuck up. It was nuts. I had never thought that, like, 19, I'd be telling Gallagher to shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I was like, I'm a new man. And he was like, first joke I ever did made me a million dollars. I was like, what was your joke? That's good advice. He's an asshole. Yeah, he was just like, yeah, first joke I wrote was Sledge-o-matic.

And I was like, all right, man, I don't know what the fuck What was the second joke You wrote Yeah Isn't his son now Touring as son of Gallagher Or something like that It was Gallagher 2

His brother They sued each other That's so great Oh wow Did you ever see Chappelle's Black Gallagher No He shoots a watermelon

With a gun I think one of the best things I've ever heard on any medium was Gallagher when he went on Marc Maron's podcast and he claims that he invented, is it the Ninja Turtles? He just goes on this rant about how he came up with the Ninja Turtles. It's fucking great. He's nuts, man. He's crazy.

That was the wildest story. That was the wildest open mic thing that happened to me. It would be like, dude, go up or leave. He's so famous. For him to be in this tiny club in Iowa. That is a dream of mine to go and tour comedy clubs as a heckler. I would love to do that. Just go to Iowa.

It was just like these people were nervous. This is their first time going on stage and there's a fucking watermelon guys screaming at you it is funny though for him to go I won't get up and do a gig unless I'm paid

but what I will do is host a free master class just do some pro bono writing for these new comedians what are the other what are the other

hits of like fucking crazy open mic people that we have here what's some funny yeah like what's like who's like a notorious weird Australian comedian that is like – Oh, there's a guy called Austin Tashus who's crazy. Oh, yeah, that guy.

Yeah. His name is Austin Tashus. So he's got a – it's Austin space Tashus. Yep. There was a dude named Bustin Dustin and I told my girlfriend that was his real name, but his full name was Bustonius. Austin Tashus. And he's a real dickhead. He's a proper dickhead. Bustin' Dustin and I told my girlfriend that was his real name but his full name was Bustonius. Austin Peaches. And he's a real dickhead.

He's a proper dickhead. He trolls people online and shit. He just starts quiet. 50% of me loves him and the other part wants to punch him in the face.

You definitely, as a result of this conversation being online, will get tweets from him after this. He's got like black glasses on. He's a weird dude. He was big in the 80s or something.

He tried to troll this podcast once and then I cleaned him up good and then he went crazy again. So he was like big in the 80s or whatever. This is what he is. He's this crazy Jewish dude who just talks about all the conflicts and stuff nonstop and he is psychotic about it. But the thing he's famous for is basically a nursery rhyme he put out in the 80s that wasn't written for him.

So he's like crazy bitter and he goes around telling everyone he's the greatest comedian Australia's ever seen. Like Andrew Dice Clay style stuff? Yeah, it's sort of like that. Yeah, yeah. What he does is, you know, you would have seen this before maybe, this saying like how much can a koala bear, that sort of thing. That's what he does.

Like, he's got this long rhyme that's just all about that. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like, oh, and it's all got to do with, like, you know, Australianisms and whatever. So it's like, and then I was like, how much can a koala bear? And then I said to Mel, born, what happened over there? Like, it's so funny. So many puns in a row.

He's notorious for – like he's sued so many venues for not paying him. So he's notorious for going to a pub and going, it's five grand to get me but you can sell tickets. And then obviously – I'll bring in 800 people or whatever. I'm Australia's biggest comedian so this will flood out. And then pubs are like, yeah, sick. And then he rocks up in the sports bars,

turns all the TV off while the footy's on and then if someone gives him shit he'd just sit there for an hour and not talk or just fucking heckle you or just be an absolute

cunt for an hour and he's this huge guy as well he's like really so he's he wouldn't have one friend in comedy he's crazy

what a takedown not only all of that he doesn't even have friends you guys are just talking into mics about a person who seems like he'll attack you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I'd love it. Anyway, my name's Nick Capper. But he's blocked me on every form because once he picked a fight with me, I'm like, oh, I'm not one to take this sort of shit lying down. So I went on every account I own on any form of social media and went to him and then he blocked me on that. And how's it, just curious, what are the big cities for comedy in Australia?

Is Melbourne the biggest? Yeah, sort of. Melbourne and Sydney, I guess. Melbourne and Sydney, Melbourne because we have the big, like our comedy festivals. This seems like a more artistic city from what I can gather. Yeah, I guess this is the New York and Sydney's the LA maybe. Yeah, that totally makes sense.

Stand-up comedy is infinitely better in New York because you can get on stage at any moment. Yeah. Literally, there's so much stand-up comedy in LA. It's a lot less. But in New York, in our experience, and we've had a lot of friends go over there and we've done gigs there and stuff like that.

Like people sort of freak out about New York. It's the center of the universe for comedy or whatever. But you go over there and go, oh, this is just like melbourne there's good gigs and then there's a lot of shit gigs and there's a lot of shitty comedians there's a lot of shitty comedians i had to move away from new york because i was writing too much new york material because it was doing so well and that you know it was just like i could murder with 20 minutes on problems with new york it's also easy when you live in New York to write jokes because you're like, I saw a crazy guy grab a bird

and bring it on the subway. And then three people on the shore were like, I was on that. I was there. Like that hammer story with that girl. I've been hanging on to that for 10 years. You probably saw that three times on the subway. No, yeah. I saw a guy one time take a shit in Chinatown onto a newspaper and then throw the newspaper

away and somebody genuinely was like thank you. He meant it. This guy respects the city. He said you got a good day. The level of fucking sadness that they accept there. It creates good comedy but it also creates

a more quicker comedy. I felt like the show we did, um, Thursday night was a little like, maybe the audience is here a little like New York where they pay money. So they expect a polished act, which is New York in an LA.

Every show is free. Yeah. And so they kind of like seeing loose, like working on stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No,

that, that show you did the other night, the Thursday night, it's yeah. Look, it's, it's a lot of out of town as it's like seeing loose, like working on stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that show you did the other night, the Thursday night. Yeah, look, it's a lot of out of towners. It's like people's picking on you. Yeah, I was just like, oh, I should have just slung some jokes instead of trying to figure out your prime minister thing. Yeah. People love talking about politics.

Well, the guy who went up before, Nick, was his name? Nick Cody, friend of the show, Nick Cody. He was so funny. Like to where it was, I was like, oh, this is a great crowd. And then I went up and I wasn't getting Nick laughs. I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have talked more about fucking thick shakes

or whatever the fuck he talks about. He was great. He was really funny. We've been to New York. Yeah, we've been a few times now. The last time we were there, I think it was the first time we'd done a genuine New York open mic. And oh, boy.

Oh, I've never done one. There was a lot of dodgy stuff that everyone else in the room was bored by. But we were in heaven. I mean, it's crazy. That's where crazy people fucking go. There was a gentleman who got up and did a long routine about having sex with a girl with Down syndrome.

Oh, yes. So we were just, everyone was mortified, and we're just sitting there going like, we can't cheer because that would be, but this is so fucked and just amazing to witness. This is amazing to watch, but you could see everyone jaded like, oh, this guy again. It's like we don't get people as crazy as this.

The girl with the hammer retired like a few years ago. So we got a dance interview and doing a full act out of her, like just amazing stuff. But he started the crowd work by like sort of threatening sexual assault on this girl in the front row. That's right. It was really weird. And then when he finished and it had blown us all away

and we're like, what the fuck? Then that girl gets up and that's the next act. I'm like, fucking hell. And it's like we go down, you know, sort of not knowing that it's one of these ones that's like there's five brackets and the show goes for six hours and we're on near the end and we're sitting there going, well, this is a great use of one of our four nights in New York City.

Because we've been to America and because we knew people, we had good contacts, we'd done all these really good gigs and so we start, you know, we know Hannibal Buress and we did the comedy, Death Threat comedy, Bang Bang in LA and stuff. So we're going, America's great, they have some great gigs here. There's like ten good ones total.

There's like ten. The good thing about New York is you can space out a little bit. LA, you gotta take like, to take those three good ones. And then you're like, I can't do fucking Hot Tub for three months now. Yeah, yeah. Right, right, right, right. There was a guy who was in that category who's a bit weird

who got a reviewer in for one of his night's shows. And the reviewer, it was like a brutal star rating, like half a star or something like that. And the opening line said, I had to tell him numerous times to stop touching me. Good on them for still giving him half a star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

And she goes, I had to repeatedly tell him to stop touching me and then I left halfway so I don't know what happened. The ultimate move would then be putting that quote on a poster next year. I had to tell him multiple times to stop touching me. That's a real Saturday Night Live sketch. It's my favourite sketch of all time, Fred Armisen. Man, will you stop talking about it? We get it.

You were on the show. We get it, mate. No, this is not even me. This is the thing that I really recommend viewers look up way before I was there. Austin Powers? No, Fred Armisen wrote, it's called Tony Palamalu,

half Jewish, half Italian, completely neurotic. And it's a one-man show where the reviewers, the reviews are in. One review said, it was four hours. Yeah, and he keeps, he's a janitor at the beginning of this show and it's like, you knew he wasn't the real janitor. There was just, quote, too much business.

Just watch that sketch. It's just so goddamn funny. And he's, like, chasing people around the audience and stuff. It sounds like this guy. Yeah, yeah. If you go see this guy's live show, which I frequently do every year, because I don't know whether, I still can't figure out whether he's a genius or he's the worst actor. Has he ever touched

you? No, thank God. But I go watch it every year. It's great. It makes me laugh though. You have told me. I can't remember who you're talking about. We won't name people. We'll name them after. I just want to wrap this up so I can hear the name. Fuck, this is the most inside baseball comedy episode we've ever done. No, but I'm interested. I wanted to

know about Australian comedy. Like how many like comedians quote unquote do you think there are in Melbourne? Melbourne is heaps. Three. You're in a room with all of them. Yeah, you're in a room with two of them. There's so many tiers here. Right, but do you know what I mean?

How many people are making a living? Yeah, there's a lot of tiers. Well, see, there is... I mean, the show on Thursday was so good, and last year when I was here, all those shows were so good. Yeah, but that's because you're doing my gigs. So I'm only putting... My gigs are sort of the best gigs.

So if you go to... We can go to other ones, and you'll learn that Australia comedy is pretty shitty. I was there. I just came down here and thought it was so great. It is very hard in this country to make a living off just stand-up. It's pretty rare that there's anyone... There's not the same kind of cheering.

There's a few road dogs. If you get good at comedy, you then get asked to do TV or radio. Radio's sort of different from America. That's what I found out, the radio's big down there. The dream is to be good enough at doing stand-up to do something that then prohibits you from doing stand-up. I can't wait to quit.

My dream is to quit. Well, you saw Hughes, as we call him yeah um the other night and so he's on radio and he earns like a fucking billion dollars doing radio so that's like a big so if you can get that cushy radio job that's the big money yeah i mean that's the same in i mean when you're young i want to tour now i'm 32 i don't want to tour anymore i'd love to just i'd do a voice on a cartoon on disney and i'm like this is a fucking dream yeah and i just do spots around LA. It's the best.

Somebody had a good joke. The goal for rappers and comedians is to get big enough that you're in movies with The Rock. That's the end goal. You get to quit rapping. You get to quit comedy. You're just a fucking movie person with The Rock. That'd be so good.

It'd be dope. I mean, Kevin Hart, fucking ludicrous. Yeah. Yeah. Kevin Hart's career is insane. It's just crazy.

Fuck. I got booed off the stage one time. From Kevin Hart? No, an opening for Ludicrous. Oh, really?

Oh, wow. Yeah, it was terrible. 17,000 people. Why do they have a comedy opening for a rapper?

that's not really a thing that happens in Australia. No, it's not a thing that happens in America either. Anymore. It was the University of Florida, this place called, it's a huge college, and they have a thing called Gator Growl,

and it's in their fucking football stadium. Foster the people this band played before me. Then fireworks. Oh, music, then comedy, then music again. Then they told me to stall because Ludacris wasn't there yet. Nice. Imagine opening for fucking Wu-Tang. And it's like, just do six hours.

Can you be full of you? We need to wrangle them. Ghost face is in here. Old Dirty's really running late. Can you stretch for a while? That's what's cool about doing shows with Hannibal is Wu-Tang will show up and perform like at his shows

yeah it's nuts so wait you just go on and they just weren't we're sort of the same at our live podcast men at work turn up it's pretty sweet

yeah no I mean I just went up and they were like we thought you were going to be ludicrous they thought I was keeping ludicrous

from performing right that I had tied him up yeah no no no. Sit down. I've got something I want to say. It wasn't even, it was the saddest, because I contractually had to do this amount of time.

It was the saddest thing ever. I didn't get a light or anything. Just a girl walked out from behind me who worked for the school, and she just goes to me while I'm mid-joke. She goes, you can stop now. And I go, okay. Turn around, it's Gallagher again. You're like, a friend of this show

uh Limo had a similar thing at a music festival years ago that we've talked about on this show where he got

he got bottles thrown at him because like the whole stage he was on had run light and it was uh Licky Lee was on after him

by the time he starts was when Licky Lee was meant to start and so people think that he is just up there going like no fuck her I need to do my 15 minutes of comedy. No, guys, I've got to contractually do this.

Yeah, people are throwing bottles at him. I don't know, because we told that story a long time ago. It's a very legendary story within comedy circles here. And I don't know if we talked about this on the show, but I then believe the next year, so that was at New Year's Eve or whatever, then four months later, Limo does his comedy festival show in April and there's just all these hecklers and he

goes what the fuck's going on and then these fucking ten people just go we were there at the festival we've come to heckle you again that's commitment it happened I went back to Gainesville thinking like of the 17,000 people I bet like a hundred of them thought it was alright no It happened. I went back to Gainesville thinking like of the 17,000 people. Yeah.

I bet like a hundred of them thought it was all right. Right. No. There was a review in the paper in the like Gainesville Times or whatever. There was like some of you might remember last year where a comedian ruined Homecoming. He's back. And he would not stop touching me. He's back. Yeah.

I read the review on stage and I was just like, Jesus Christ. Give me a fucking break. Hey, at least they're not talking about Saturday Night Live. That's true. Maybe you have this with that gig because Limo has the thing. So that was in 2008 or 2009 or something. It's quite a while ago now. They really hate me.

I've talked shit on the University of Florida on a lot of late night TV things. So they really hate me. I've talked shit on the University of Florida on a lot of late night TV things. So they really hate it. Limo's thing is like if you believe everyone who tells you a story about that they personally were at that gig, then there were four million people in that tent. He's like the number of people that come up to me and go, oh, yeah, I was there. It's like you were not. Either that or Limo's had a lot more rough gigs than we know about. They all just blur into one after a while.

Do you guys know who Joe DeRosa is? Yeah, I know the name. He's a great New York comic. He lives in LA now. He's really nice. He lives in the neighborhood of the comedians. But he did The Gathering of the Juggalos. Insane Clown Posse.

Yeah, yeah. He's got the scariest. So it's their festival, is it? Yes. Yeah. They put it on. That's what our Koh Samui thing will morph into one day. Insane dum-dum posse.

So yeah, I called him after the gator growl because he has a worse, scarier heckling story where he was doing Insane Clown Posse's festival. He's on at like four in the morning. Oh, the comedy hour. He's bombing. And then he made fun of somebody in the crowd. Because they all dress as fucking clowns.

Right. So he makes fun of somebody in the crowd. Because they all dress as fucking clowns. Right. So he makes fun of somebody in the crowd. It gets even quieter. And then they just start chanting at him, family. Because they call each other family. You can't make fun of any of them. So then he's just on stage while an audience chanted family at him. And he's like, I don't know.

This is scariest. You're all dressed like clowns. It's midnight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can't identify anyone because they've all got makeup on. So it's like, I can't tell the cops who stabbed me. He had red lips. Very smiley, even though he's quite angry.

Yeah. Just hold up a picture of Ronald McDonald. Roughly this. Yeah. And I think maybe Stanhope has a story where, because he did it, like they bring comedians in. It sounds fun and interesting. Hannibal's done it.

Where like some clown picked him up and he was like a famous within the insane clown posse world, like Bubbles or something. And they're on a golf cart and he's like and interesting. Hannibal's done it. Where like some clown picked him up and he was like a famous within the insane clown posse world, like Bubbles or something. And they're on a golf cart and he's like driving around. He's like, oh, and everybody looks mean, but they're pretty cool. And then like out of nowhere, somebody screamed, fuck you, Bubbles. And an unopened beer smashed him in the head. It knocked him out.

And then he just threw up the golf cart. Sometimes I think it's a good idea to add comedy to things. Like I did Nimbin Mardi Gras, which is a big marijuana festival, and they thought, like, you know what stoners and people on acid will like? A bit of comedy. Yeah. So I had to do it in a comedy tent, and then next to the stage was a group of people lobbying.

It was anti-vaxxers, right? Anti-vaxxers. They don't want kids to have vaccines. This was all in the comedy tent. Anti-vaxxers. Come is that? Anti-vaxxers. They don't want kids to have vaccines. This is all in the comedy tent. Anti-vaxxers. Come on, America invented that shit. Yeah, but we don't call anti-vaxxers. We call them weirdos.

Next to the stage was a mural of all the kids that have died. Like a candle. Wow. I'm doing comedy and absolutely bombing. I was like, man, I've got to fucking light a candle for myself after this. It was one of the worst deaths. And the person who did the best was a marijuana leaf who just kind of heckled

and just got up on the stage and had his iPhone and just started dancing for 10 minutes. I think you had a contact high. You just described an actual leaf getting on the stage and dancing around. It was crazy. They fucking hated me for three nights in a row. That didn't happen. I think you just got

vaccinated when you were a kid. You're fucked. I meant it. Yeah, what? No, I was just going to say they weren't anti-vaxxing. They were just protesting you. It wasn't something else. Dead kids for sure.

They weren't anti-Blakeys. Yeah, the whole festival was not a fan of me. That's for sure. I had to walk around for the next three days. Somebody was at the show Thursday and saw me walking around yesterday and was like hey i was at the show thursday or whatever i was like oh cool and then he was like do you ever do comedy on cruises yeah that's the scariest yeah because imagine bombing on a cruise i've got one coming up in three weeks i'm petrified you gotta do good well there's there's a awesome doco which all

comedians should watch. It's about this guy who gets a cruise ship comedy gig and they're interviewing about it. But he bombs so hard. What's it called? Nick Capa, the story. He bombs so hard

but then they've still got this film crew with him for the next three days. So they just follow him around and he's like all awkward and stuff. This is incredible. Why do we not know about this? I will send you the link, but the best part is he goes to rock up the next day because he's on for three nights

and the guy who runs it is like, yeah, look we don't have you on anymore. We've just got some dancing girls instead and he's still stuck on the ship for the next fucking seven days. That's brutal. On a ship they've just taught someone how to dance to replace him yeah yeah it's like on a plane is anyone a doctor has anyone got some kind of talent is anyone not him

it was so savage and then people were like the camera's following him and you could just see people just trying to avoid making eye contact with him because you've all got to eat at the same place yeah yeah that's one word if i like bomb and then i gotta like i'll just hide in my cabin People just trying to avoid making eye contact with him. Because you've all got to eat at the same place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the buffet. That's why I'm worried. If I, like, bomb and then I've got to, like, I'll just hide in my cabin for the next three days. Yeah, you hear that from people a bit. Yeah. Well, guys, we've got to wrap it up for another week

on The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Brooks and Brett, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks for having me. Brooks, you've got your own podcast. Yeah, it's cool. If you guys are ever in LA, jump on it. It's called Entry Level. Great.

I interview comedians about all the jobs that they had before they were comedians. Oh, cool. It's great. Yeah, I've had some dope guests like Bobby Moynihan and Kyle Mooney and fucking basically most of them. You've had a few people who've been on this show like Brendan Walsh. Brendan Walsh. Yeah, Nick Thune. Yeah, it's Nicole Byer it's good it's really fun just because like comedians we're the worst workers

of any being on the planet so everyone every person is like I've been fired or quit you know when you get fired

and you're like good it's a lot of those I got fired from Subway after three hours really wow how

because I went to how did you get fired when their fucking mascot is a pedophile and they think after three hours. Really? Wow. How? Because I went to... How do you get fired when their fucking mascot is a pedophile and they think you're not good enough for the top layer?

I was making a sandwich and this jerk from the high school came in. You've got to be nice even if you know him. And he's like, hey man, put some lettuce on there.

And I was like, he's like, a little bit more. I'm like, alright. He's like, a little bit more. And he's like,

too much. I was like, fuck you and fuck this. I just walked out with a uniform. I'm like, fuck, I'm not. Nick Thune had one. He was just on. He said he worked at McDonald's for a half hour

because his friends showed up and started taking photos of him. He was like, get out of here. I don't want to make money. My dad says I need to make money. Yeah, this is so much. People are so mean. But yeah, listen to that podcast. It's my favorite thing I'm doing right now. Blakey, you've got your podcast. Yeah, Worst First D. But yeah, listen to that podcast. It's my favorite thing I'm doing right now.

Blakey, you've got your podcast. Yeah, Worst First Dates. Have a listen. Yeah, have a squeeze. I've got an episode coming up. You do. I think you are coming up in a week or two. So inside the great mind of Chandler.

Yeah, in my dating life these days. Yeah, a lot of stuff going on. I'm married. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Have we? Yep.

Fuck, that episode was so long ago. I don't remember if we did it again or not. I haven't listened back to it yet. But thankfully, after we did it, I felt so good about it that on my calendar, I wrote on this date, we did it again. Wow. So, yes. Have we talked about it?

So we recorded that like two months ago now, so long ago, because all the crunchy stuff started happening, so we were quickly doing episodes to sort of get on top of that, and we kind of kept having to push it back. But, yeah, this might be the longest we've ever sat on an episode. push it back. But yeah, this might be the longest we've ever sat on an episode. This is like, I believe I wasn't married when we recorded this episode and you still had cancer. Yes, yes, yes. So yeah, I haven't had a chance to listen back to it yet. So apologies if there were any, you know, anything that came up in the episode that seemed to you as if it, you know

what I mean? Like, oh, someone should jump in with a reference here to, you know, anything that came up in the episode that seemed to you as if it, you know what I mean? Like, oh, someone should jump in with a reference here to, you know, Pablo Francisco or Crunchy or whatever. You know, if anything came up that seemed like it should have been riffed off the back of and it just, you know, sat there unanswered, that's why. So, yes, this one been in the chamber for quite a while. But Brooks, good guy. Yeah, very good um i think only the second um time we've had someone that's been a regular cast member on saturday night live uh who was the other one uh robert danny jr oh yeah yeah he was good when he was promoting the first iron man the first

one yeah were we doing the show then apparently according, according to me. There's been so many Iron Men since then that you could have picked, but the first one, okay. No, because he was on recently just promoing it for Netflix, just like an old. Oh, right. So they sent him out on the junket to promo it being on a streaming service. Yeah, an old movie. This 10-year-old movie.

Yes. Right, right. It's hard to see why they would bother doing that. There's really no money in it for them. Man, Netflix are doing all right. They must know better than us. They bother doing that. There's really no money in it for them. Man, Netflix are doing all right. They must know better than us. They're actually not.

They're in the hole. Are they? Apparently, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just like – apparently this is what I heard. They just keep spending money and their big thing is like, you know, when you're a new company, you just like spend, spend, spend, spend, spend. But they're like billions in the hole apparently. Right. I don't know if that's still true but, yeah.

Well, if they're sending out Robert Downey Jr. to do promo for a 10-year-old movie, then hey, there's a way you can save a bit of money easily. Cancel that flight. Yeah, stop sending out people to promo Naked Gun 2 as well while you're at it. Stuff like that. Brett Blake, very angry that this episode is now coming out

post the last few weeks of activity across the little dum-dum club and annoyed that his voice is now going to be out there without any kind of right of reply to all the insane bullshit that we've been doing in the last month. But he'll have his turn pretty soon, I dare say. No, he has been asking why. Well, this episode hasn't been up, but yeah.

The lost episode. What else, Tommy? What else are we talking about in Talking Dumb Dumb this week? Any other housekeeping? We'll be in Brisbane on Sunday. Yep. Looking forward to that. If you hear it.

Look, guys, again, I'm always thinking of you guys listening in the archives. If you're listening to this in the future, if you're listening to this in 2022, we won't be in Brisbane on this particular weekend. We might. Well, maybe we will. I don't know. Have a look just in 2022. We won't be in Brisbane on this particular weekend. We might. Well, maybe we will. I don't know. Have a look just in case. Let us know.

If you're listening to this far in the future and it happens to sync up with us being in Brisbane again, like in your current time, let us know. Also, if you're listening to this in the past, yeah, we probably won't be there. Odds are we probably won't be there either. Maybe this syncs up with our first ever Brisbane trip. If you've listened to this episode and heard that Robert Downey Jr. reference and gone out and watched Iron Man 10 years ago at the cinema. Yep.

Let us know. Yep. So, yeah, we've got, like we've been banging on about lately, we've got a bunch of live shows. It'd be much appreciated if you guys turned up to them. We've made the effort to come up to Brisbane. We made the big hike to go to Melbourne. And, of course, we've talked about it on the top of the show.

We've sold out Perth for the first time. We've never done a sold-out Perth show. No, we haven't. We've sold better and better each time. And I think early, early days of the pod, it was surprising to us how many we sold over there. You know, when we were like the first, whatever it was, three or four years of doing the pod, we were like, should we go interstate?

And then we got over to Perth and there were like lots of people there and we were like, this is fucking insane. How you said that? I looked at the numbers the other day about like previous Perth trips and, you know, we were like, oh man, this is really good. What we were impressed by, we'd kill ourselves now over. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah for sure. For sure. We're doing a lot better now. If we got those numbers we

used to be impressed by we'd be like fuck Perth. Yeah yeah. But also so we should be. Yeah totally totally. No I'm just saying we're doing better than a lot of losers out there. Oh yeah that's true. A lot of people got podcasts that are not as popular as us. Fuck those guys. That's the thing. We're heaps better than them. Big dogs love to come on this show and shit on us for not doing as well as them.

You know, like your Tom Gleesons and your Huseys and stuff. But, you know, let's not forget, we are also at the same time doing better than a lot of other people. Yeah. You know what I mean? We're not at the top, but we're certainly not the bottom. We're somewhere in the mid-bottom. You know how...

We're power bottom. You know, like a Gleeson. And we're not having a go. We can have a go. It doesn't matter. They don't fucking care. But even we'll. People like that love to come on this show and shit on us.

And it's like, it's all part of the culture. It's all fun. You know, I don't care at all. It's funny. But fuck, someone on a shitty podcast, book us to come on your podcast so we can be the ones that are punching down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Okay, that's fair.

Yeah. Would we do it though? oh yeah that's the next thing we can't be fucked doing it yeah fair enough um anyway other housekeeping i don't know there's not uh i don't think there's a lot apart from you know i'm looking forward to i'm looking forward to going to brizzy with my boy you know we're going up there the night before yeah we're gonna hang out on saturday night man go we're gonna go do without revealing too much we're gonna go on a brizzy with my boy. We're going up there the night before. We're going to hang out on Saturday night. We're going to go do, without revealing too much, we're going to go do a little bit of scouting.

So that's going to be fun. Looking for a bit of intel. Pack your swimming trunks. Oh yeah, fuck, I forgot about that. Yeah, I will do that. I went in the pool in my apartment complex for the first time on Sunday night. Absolutely fucking freezing.

Great. Just unbearable. Great. So that was good. Yeah. So looking forward to getting, yeah, getting somewhere where it's consistently warm enough for the water to be a decent temperature. My updates from what I talked about last week on Talking Dumb Dumb about the police business.

No update. No update. So I haven't gotten in touch. No. Okay. Okay. Well, but what were they, what were you expecting them to do well i was hoping like i said i'll testify in court great not knowing if that's a thing or not yeah in a case like that i'll take the polygraph right now yeah yeah i'll give a semen sample straight away i brought some in with me. So unfortunately, none of that happening. I'd love to be – because they said once I gave the statement about what happened and everything, they were like, oh, this is actually really important.

This will make a big difference. And they're like, yeah, because no one's – we've got no other witnesses and no one's pressing for this to happen. It's just literally me complaining about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't make a big difference. I'm like, I don't reckon anything's going to happen actually. Because that is the thing, isn't it?

If you're in your position, there's not a precedent where they go, hey, just out of interest, you might like to know. No. This is what ended up happening with your statement. No. That's annoying. That should be a thing. Yeah.

Yeah, because they're like, can you do this and this and this? And I'm like, yeah. And then they go, and I go, can I find out what happens? Absolutely not. And especially in this case where it's like some piece of shit that, you know, probably has done something like this before, is potentially inclined to do it again. You know, you want to know if, you know, justice gets served and there's some kind of charge. Well, the good thing is –

You want some peace of mind about this. The one little thing I think that you go, well, it's not pointless, is that this, I guess, goes on their record. So if this guy does something like that again, they'll go back and see this and go, oh, fucking here we go, this bloke. So hopefully that's something. Yeah. I have a quick follow-up on something that we talked about a couple of months ago now

with Harley Breen talking about the size of his child's head. Yes. If you remember that discussion. Yeah. And I was talking about how I've got a friend from high school who's a doctor who listens to this. And every now and then if I have an ailment, I'll just take a photo of it and send it to him and go, what do you reckon? I just get free medical advice from him.

And so he called me the other day. He called me yesterday to say he was catching up on some eps. And in that discussion I say, I do this. I'm kind of taking the piss. I get free medical advice from him. And Harley goes, yeah, but he listens to this show every week for free. He's getting free content off you. So fuck him.

He's coming out on top of this situation. And so my friend listened to that and was, you know, pretty taken aback, but also, but also when like called me up to have a go and I, and I sort of thought, oh, I'm actually being put on blast here. Cause he, cause he calls me out of the blue and he's like, so two things. And the first of all was just a pleasantry. And then the second of all, he's like, so I was catching up on episodes. And I was like, oh, here we go.

And then he gets to the end of all that. And he goes, and I realized Harley was right. So I've started subscribing to Patreon. Oh, really? So he's in. So, you know, if I can just talk shit about all my friends that I know listen, maybe they'll all start chipping in. I mean, he's a doctor.

So he should be putting in $10 a month. He can afford it. Yeah, exactly. Well, good. Good. Happy ending. All I ask in return is to be able to stay at his house when I go visit in Perth. Ah, right, right.

Does he come to Perth, sorry? Yeah. He didn't come to the last one because his daughter was born, I think, the day before. But he was still thinking, he was like, I reckon I'll be able to make it down. And I was like, you're not making it down. I'm going to say this, which I'm sure you'll absolutely not like. I think I remember this guy.

Extremely attractive partner. Is that fair to say? I don't know that you met his partner. That is fair to say. Right. She is. Right. But I don't know that you met his partner. That is fair to say. Right. She is. Right. But I don't know that you would have met her.

Well, where did I get this idea from? Yeah, who are you thinking of? Well, hopefully this person. Otherwise, I just saw people walk down the street and saw someone hot and went, that looks like she's married to a doctor maybe. She looks like she'd be married to a friend of Tommy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know when you – I mean, yeah, maybe. I don't know. I don't know who you're thinking. What? You saw her at a show? Yeah, at a Perth show. Okay. Yeah, I think she –

I've got a vague memory of you introducing me to someone and being like, that's a doctor, and then seeing his partner and going, okay, well, maybe I should look into medicine. I think she came to the one two years ago, so, yeah, maybe you met her there. But also, I mean, you can't remember things that happened eight minutes ago, so I'd be surprised if you can recall. Priorities, though.

All right, well, Pat, let us know. What do you think of this one? Can't wait to hear this. Pat, let us know. Let us know, do you have a hot wife? Can't wait to hear the catch- up on this one in six months' time when you get around to listening. Oh, I can't wait to hear it.

Nah, she's not that good. Oh, okay. Sorry, mistaken identity. Sorry, everyone. His run up to telling me about listening to him copying a serve on the pod was great where he'd been at a Bucks weekend and he was flying back and he was hungover and he goes, you know, and I was missing, it was my first time away from my daughter since she was born and I

was just feeling a bit blue and a bit miserable. And so I put the headphones in to catch up on the podcast. I'm thinking this will cheer me up. It literally takes him 10 minutes to get to this. I'm like, what a fucking run up. Like, what have I said about him? And you know, here I was thinking that back then I'd said something bad. I mean, this is worse. Oh, you know what? Actually worse it's a compliment it's good i'm not sure if i

ever talked about this but the very first episode we ever did and you know we'll hear from people that you know go back deep dive and go back in which i heartily do not recommend yeah we got to delete everything before episode like 400 yeah just have like 12 episodes up in the feed yeah like before episode 50 or something at least yeah why do the numbers start at 400 it's a joke yeah yeah it's a bit yep um i think the first episode we ever put out i had just got back from like england and portugal yeah and i'd just gone on a uh you know the whole destination wedding sort of thing yeah but on top of the destination wedding thing, I had gone on a destination bucks weekend or bucks week. So I just quit my job and had no income coming in.

So then I go to Portugal for a week. Wild, absolutely incredible move. And then go to England for a week for the wedding. And I was on episode one just having a bit of a sook about it going, who the fuck pulls this shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck? That's like, what do you reckon?

Is that rich or what's going on here? And then so it's episode one. So then, you know, I've got friends supporting me from day one going, oh, he's got a podcast. Maybe we'll have a listen to it. Listen to that one and go, oh, thanks for fucking doing that. But yeah, you're welcome. Fucking good one.

Our special week. And now you're getting on your first little broad, your fake radio show and going, oh, shit. It is so hard when friends do something. And they're never listening again, by the way. Absolutely, yeah. When friends do something like funny or a bit fucked or, you know, we're in this void.

And, you know, our friends that do radio every day have the same thing where it's like, you know, the content machine is never satisfied. So as soon as something mildly interesting happens and, you know, you've got to feed something into it but then it gets back to people and it's like they get the shits and it's just like, well, I don't know. I'm trying to get something going. You know what I mean? I've come in here.

I've got to talk about something. I'm not trying to have a go. I'm just opening it up to discussion. I feel like I went through a red hot streak where I was just consistently getting into trouble for saying stuff on this show. Right. Like anyone I talked about, anything I talked about, it would get back to the person. I would fucking cop a serve about it. Your cat's trying to get in.

The cat's struggling to get in the door. Sorry, Tommy. You're going to have to open. Yeah, it's locked. Yep. So just open up. Good shit. Appreciate everyone listening.

Hang on. Tommy doesn't know how to open a door. Guys, just so you know, Tommy's locked. Yep. So just open up. Good shit. Appreciate everyone listening. Hang on. Tommy doesn't know how to open a door, guys. So just so you know, Tommy's very much struggling. I don't think he's got any doors in his house. So no, no, he's, do you live in a teepee? Oh, here we go. The door's open. Can't, I'm doing you a favor.

And the other cat doesn't want to come in, by the way. So, oh no, she's in. But look, I stand by that complaining. You know, this destination wedding, bullshit, having to go halfway around the world. No good. Anyway, guys, we're thinking about doing the third international Coastal Maui International Podcast Festival. And we will be getting married over there. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it depends where. I don't know. If it's somewhere really nice, then I guess you just got to cop it and go, well, at least we get to go somewhere chill. Two weeks, though. Big ask. Anyway. Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah, you're one. I mean, Portugal's nice, but it's a fucking long way away. And it's really expensive. Portugal for a week, then England for a week. Yeah. Because it was Portugal for a week and then go to England and then sit around for a week till the wedding happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How good's a podcast going when we're going back 420 episodes to go and just reinforcing the complaints from episode one? But we didn't do Talking Dum Dum back then. So this is like retro. That's what we should start doing. We should start Talking Dum Dum should be, so next week we'll talk some shit about episode two. Oh, we basically go and remaster each episode.

We go and find the stuff we were complaining about back then and do it properly in our voice from now. You know what? I would love to do that. Get like a transcription service online. Get someone to type out, you know, a script of episode one and two, or the early episodes, to save ourselves the torture of having to listen back to it.

Then we get that guest back in and we go through the script and we punch it up. So we add in and then we just read it out and we re-release it. Yeah. Sometimes bands will do that. They'll have an album. They'll go and re-record it. Yeah. I don't think it's ever came out better though.

But when people do that or even remakes, like the same person will – like Hitchcock remade one of his movies. Oh, yeah. Some directors remake their movies. It's never come out better. People always appreciate the first one. But I think we're going to be the first ones to remake things better. With comedy, it should definitely happen because comedy dates so quickly. Like what people find funny, like comedy movies and stuff that were

like groundbreaking and hilarious in the 80s or 90s a lot of them if you watched them now by today's standards of comedy aren't as good aren't as funny you couldn't like there's certain movies that if you watch now having never seen them but you wouldn't laugh that's the thing people always pick good movies to remake you need to pick shit movies to remake because then you're going to make the remake heaps better like people go back and oh let's remake Ghostbusters or whatever. It's like, yeah, but everyone loves that. Pick something that everyone fucking hated and then remake that.

Have a second crack at it. Like let's remake our bad episodes. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Let's remake the Pablo Francisco episode from a couple of weeks ago. Hey, I stand by that. I think that was great. Yeah. Best episode we've ever done.

Anyway, good stuff all around. So let's go to this segment. People that subscribe on Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Look, there's heaps of you that don't. Give it a go. Apart from the warm feeling in your little belly that you're behind what we do, you've also got the chance to get the free magazine we put out every month, the bonus episode we put out every month, and you go into the lottery of getting your name read

out on the Unplanned Title Alternator. We do that every week. This week, we have another sponsor. Oh, really? Yeah. So this is someone who's – they sponsor the Unplanned Title Alternator? Yes. Okay. Okay.

So last week it was a prose? Yeah, I believe so. Cat food? Not that we need to mention them again. Yeah, you know, I'm just – Because they had their go last week. I'm just thinking out loud. I'm not mentioning them. I'm just trying to remember. Yep. This week we've got a completely different sponsor.

We have – this is slightly tricky. We haven't had something like this before, but I'll try and do this. Our sponsor is this. Right. Hear that? That was the sound of your penis hitting me in the cheek. Yes, no. That was the sound of applause.

That was the sound of applause. The sound of applause. Yeah, the sound of applause, which is sponsoring us. Okay. This segment, in case you don't know what the sound of applause like that was the sound of applause sound of applause yeah the sound of applause which is sponsoring us okay this this segment in case you don't know what the sound of applause was that you know that's that visual cue that that is uh the sound of applause yeah and of course what that does what you've just seen then as soon as i did that crunchy the cat just ran away because cats are scared cats hate applause if you do that close to them that it scares them that terrifies triggers them yeah so you should never have you. Cats hate applause. If you do that close to them, it scares them. It terrifies them. It triggers them, yeah.

So you should never have, you know, cats hate applause. Okay. So you should never have anything to do with applause near cats is what I'm trying to say. In like sound or name or anything related to it. Exactly what I've said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They absolutely hate it. Cats hate applause.

Yes. So we're being sponsored by clapping? Yes. Okay. I made that're being sponsored by clapping? Yes. Okay. I made that clear, didn't I? Yeah. The people at clapping hit me up. So the concept of clapping.

Yes. They hit me up. They've sponsored the unplanned title alternator for this week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they've just made it clear that if you're going to have any sort of applause anywhere in the house, don't have a cat. Make sure you don't have it near any cat. Cats hate it.

I think we're clear. I'll say this much. I can't wait to remake this one in 10 years' time. Well, again, you're going to get complaints because it can't be as good as this. People love good quality content. All right. Well, that's fantastic stuff. How much are they chipping in?

$6,900, I believe. Fantastic. Yeah fantastic stuff. How much are they chipping in? $6,900 a bullet. Fantastic. Yeah. Fantastic. Very much worthwhile. I think they've got their money's worth as well. All right. Let's crack in.

Thank you to first cap off the rank this week, sponsors of us on patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Completely random. First out of who knows how many this week from the unplanned title alternator is, thank you to Patreon subscriber Alex Cook. Alex Cook? Yeah, Alex Cook. Well, you know, they say too many cooks spoil the broth.

Yes. But in this case, I think this is just the right amount of cook. You know what? If all people with the name Cook are all going to chip in money to this case, I think this is just the right amount of cook. You know what? If all people with the name Cook are all going to chip in money to this podcast, then, I mean, fucking bring it on. The more cooks, the merrier. So the new saying would be, too many cooks giving us money is not enough. Yeah, exactly.

Right. Yeah. Very catchy. I expect to see that on Tea Towers nationwide. Yep. Yep. Alex, Alex Yep. Alex. Alex Cook.

Alex, you know what? You've regularly got a bit of a comment on people's names and you say, good, I like that name. Alex, I like that name. You like the name Alex? Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty, you know, it's traditional, I guess.

Is it? It's got an X in it, which makes me… It's pretty old school. I guess it's Alexander. Are you going to bring up your fact that you bring up every second week about how back in the olden days where people's surnames came from? Yes. What do you think this guy's family did?

Well, it's Cook C-O-O-K-E. Oh, okay. So they made ecstasy. Yeah. They're bikies. Yeah. So that's a modern name. Cook E.

Yeah. Ecstasy. Does that? Yeah. They're bikies. Yeah. So that's a modern name. Cookie.

Yeah. We're getting some ill-gotten games from what they made in the bathtub at home. Yeah, exactly. This is probably a money laundering service for them. I would love to see you on the molly. On the molly? I don't even know that term. Yeah, it's ecstasy.

Why is it called molly? I don't know. What could it possibly mean? Molly Meldrum? Is that what it means?? I don't know. What could it possibly mean? Molly Meldrum? Is that what it means? It's rhyming slang. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, the old Molly Meldrum. That's still not rhyming slang. That's just naming something after someone who definitely takes it. No, no, no. But Molly – no, but if it was – like then Meldrum would rhyme with something. You know what I mean? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. It's not at the moment rhyming slang at all. I'm trying to work out what it would – you know, what Meldrum would rhyme with something. You know what I mean? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. It's not at the moment where I'm saying at all. I'm trying to work out what it would – what Meldrum rhymes with

that it could possibly be related to ecstasy. So you'd like to see me on ecstasy? Yeah. We should do that at a live show just to have you take E before we start the show. Jesus. I think that would be an extremely bad idea. It makes you very euphoric and kind of, you know, lovey-dovey. So how could you tell the difference?

So I think for you it would just balance you out to like a normal. How could you tell the difference? I'd have to wear a sign saying this is what I'm doing at the moment. Come out in like fluffy raver pants. Yeah. Waving glow sticks just so everyone knows. No, no, no. This isn't the normal Carl Chandler. Yeah. Thisver pants. Yeah. Waving glow sticks just so everyone knows. No, no, no. This isn't the normal Carl Chandler.

Yeah. This is different. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll do that in Perth. Great. Thanks, Alex. Thanks, Alex.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ashley Medew. Medew? M-E-D-E-W. How would you go with that? M-E-D-E-W. Medew. go with that? M-E-D-E-W. Medu. Yeah, Medu. Medu.

Medu. Ashley Medu. That's an interesting one. It is an interesting one. And Ashley E-I-G-H? No. L-E-Y. Yes.

Medu. Ashley Medu. Yeah. That's, yeah. I feel for anyone who, anytime they're giving their name, you know, for something they have to then immediately spell it out. Yeah. That's what I've got and it's a fucking, it's a curse.

Yeah. What? You've got Daslow or Allsop? Allsop. Right. No one can spell Allsop properly. Can people spell Daslow properly? No.

But I pretty much never give that over to people. Right. You know what I mean? Like I'm not at VicRoads going, yeah, anyway, I'm going to register my car under my stage name. Yeah. We haven't done stage name talk for a little while. Yeah.

What more is there to say on it? Yeah, but people need to be updated because some people get like sliding at episode 400, you know, they don't know that that's not your real name. Yeah. But who cares? Everyone. Me especially. It's not your real name. Yeah. But who cares? Everyone. Me especially. It's always interesting to me.

I'm wondering if your fascination with it is ever going to wane. Never. Because here's the thing. I was talking to someone about this recently. Because there's even new generations of comics that don't know that that's not your real name. But here's the thing. I somehow have become the poster boy for stage names. But like what you find out gradually is that so many people in comedy

are not using their real names or their real surnames. But they're just better at keeping it hidden. But I've somehow become the one where there's like heaps of people who like fly under the radar. Dilruch Jai Singer. Yep. Johnny Briggs is his real name. Johnny Briggs. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Who fly under the radar. Dilruch Jai Singer. Yep. Johnny Briggs is his real name. Johnny Briggs?

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah, but he's just made up this fancy name. So he's related to the indigenous rapper? No. I don't believe so.

Okay. Yeah. All right. You know, Dave Thornton. Uh-huh. Spiroginicopolis. Ginicopolis. Yeah. Ginacopoulos. Yeah.

Right, okay. I didn't know that. I knew his first name was Spiro. I didn't know the surname bit. Right, okay. You just thought his name was Spiros Thornton. Spiros Thornton, yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.

There you go. There's a lot of people out there like that. And I feel like I'm the way I've found out a couple through traveling with people and them just kind of holding – like being in an airport and them holding their boarding pass in their hand or having it next to them when we're having a drink and just happening to glance down and say, hang on a minute. Well, any examples who you got?

Well, you know, I don't want to out my brethren. Oh, really? If they want to live in secrecy, that's on them. You think that's a thing? Yeah. Let's just say one of them may have been on the episode that people just heard. Oh, yes. Yeah.

Right. No, you're right. Yeah. Okay. Right. Yep. Brooks Ginacopoulos. Ginacopoulos.

There's a lot of Ginacopoloses out there in comedy. It's like that joke of someone trying to think of a fake name and then them just naming things they can see in the room. What's an ethnic sounding Ginacopoulos? No, Ginacopoulos is the name of the family that owned the fish and chip shop in Meriborough when I was growing up. Great. Which obviously they were in comedy as well.

I heard, and I didn't know, I didn't think there were any of these left, but I heard from you something from the Maryborough Files the other day that I'd never heard before. That I said, you've got to bring up on this sometime. Now's not the place, but with guests. I honestly cannot believe over this long of knowing you and doing the pod that there's any childhood Maryborough nickname stories that I don't know.

No, there's plenty there, I reckon. There's plenty in the well still. You know what I need to do? I need to talk to more mates from Maryborough and go, oh, what haven't we talked? What are some of the old school stories again? And there's plenty left. So, yeah, we'll do that.

We'll do that on a live show or something like that. Thanks, Ashley. Thanks, Ash. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Cohen DeGroot. Wow. Yeah. A lot going on here. Yeah.

This is a busy one. Yeah. DeGroot. DeGroot. Is that the name of the guy in your favourite movie? What's it called? The Pixar movie? The animated Despicable Me?

Is that Groot? What the fuck are you talking about? So one of my favourite movies is Ratatouille. Right. That's a Pixar movie. You love the Minions. No, I don't. I hate the Minions. I hate the Pixar movie. You love the Minions. No, I don't. I hate the Minions.

I hate the Minions. You love the Minions. I hate the Minions. Your favourite movie is the Minions. Are you doing a bit? What are you doing? I thought you liked the Minions. I fucking hate the Minions.

I thought you liked them. No. You sure? You thought wrong. Right, okay. And also Groot is from, I believe, Guardians of the Galaxy. Is it? Yeah, I've never seen it, but I think he's a little tree trunk man.

Well, what's the name of the guy from Despicable Me? I'm looking it up as we speak. I don't know. Groot. I'm sure that's a thing, isn't it? Groot. Oh, it's Groot. Sorry.

It's Groot. So that's the main guy in Despicable Me. That's the Steve Carell guy. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Groot. It sounds – hang on.

What's this name? Cohen de Groot. Cohen de Groot. So it's like Cohen de the Groot, G apostrophe R-O-O-T, good root. Cohen the good root. Oh. I didn't think of it like that, but right. Okay.

Cohen the good root. If I was Cohen didn't think of it like that, but right. Okay. Cohen the Good Root. If I was Cohen, that's how I'd be branding myself. Could this possibly be one of the Cohen brothers? The brothers that both have Cohen as a first name? Yeah. That's pretty good. That would be a good bit. If someone out there is having kids, maybe twins,

name both your kids Coen just so you can have the Coen brothers. So then you've got two children that with their surname as well have literally the exact same name. Yes. Yes. Has anyone ever done that before? I think if you're Coen, why don't you just try and find someone else called Coen

and go, hey, let's make movies together. And then you call yourselves the Coen Bros. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's two going on. The Coen Bros then start making like American Pie sequels and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's no arty-farty stuff. Just absolute fucking…

No, but there are. The guys who wrote the Garfield movie. Yeah, that's one guy. It's not brothers. That's one guy? Right. But still, that's enough. The guys who wrote the Garfield movie. Yeah, that's one guy. It's not Brothers. That's one guy? Yeah. Right. But still, that's enough.

It fooled Bill Murray. Yeah. That's good enough. Yeah. So he needs to take – so now that there's that famous story about Bill Murray only agreeing to do Garfield because he saw Coen on the script and thought, oh, it's a Coen Brothers movie. This will be great.

Yeah. So now the jig's up for him. So he needs to team up with this guy. Yeah. And go, hey, I just need someone with Coen somewhere in their name. Yeah. So that we can start the Coen brothers too. Yeah.

And then fool Bill Murray again. And then just start making spring break movies and, you know. Start making the live action Snake Tales movie. Yes. And get Bill Murray to voice the fucking flower or whatever it is. Yeah. Well, Bill Murray not now. Like, he can't get fooled now.

Now they've got to get, you know. No, but this is the only way they can fool him now is because they'll have brothers. They can't fool him again. But they'll have brothers this time. No, you've got to get Helen Mirren in or, you know, someone else in. Helen Mirren can play Lady Snake. Okay, right.

Thanks, Helen. We haven't talked about Snake Tales for a while. Yeah. You know, we haven't talked about Snake Tales for a long time and since we talked about Snake Tales, a while. Yeah. You know, we haven't talked about Snake Tales for a long time, and since we talked about Snake Tales, I think we both agree, the worst comic strip of all time. Easily. Yep.

No contest. Yes. I mean, for a long time, people used to bag Fred Bassett. Fred Bassett is a work of art compared to Snake Tales. Yeah. Snake Tales is the fucking worst. If you don't live in an Australian city where you get Snaketales in your paper, have a look online.

It's a fucking just an absolute piece of shit. And Fred Bassett, for it being mocked, it's like whatever. It's just what the dog thinks. You know what I mean? It's just like, well, it's not high art, but it's harmless enough. And also the actual cartooning that's going on is decent. It's fine. It's acceptable. It's fine.

cartooning that's going on is decent. It's fine. It's acceptable. It's fine. Yeah. Snake Tales, not only are the jokes are awful, like offensively bad, and it looks like shit as well. Yes.

So Fred Bassett at least has some degree of something going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where someone's looking at a dog going, oh, I wonder what he thinks about his owners doing this. Yes. There's at least a degree of effort has gone in. Snake Tales is there is nothing behind the curtain. Fred Bassett, there's different – everything's different all the time. It's not my cup of tea.

It's not very punchy. It's not very strong humour-wise. Yeah. I guess it's geared towards an older demographic. I can see how like a boomer audience would very much enjoy it. Snake Tales you look at and you go, who is this for? Yeah. And who enjoys this?

No one. That cunt clocked out 20 years ago at least. Well, we must have talked about this, that he lives in Thailand. Yes, exactly. So in many ways it should be, it's very bad comedy and the guy lives in Thailand. It's sort of the unofficial comic strip of the little dum-dum club. Well, yeah, look, we should look into finding out exactly where this guy lives. But the thing is, there's no way he's going to live on Coast Mill

or he's going to live, you know, somewhere where we're going to go close to. Like, this guy would be living in some fucking dodgy fucking place, I reckon. You think? Yeah. Yeah. We did have a lead on him at one point. We should check in with our friend who knows him. Yes.

Get the latest. Look, we would definitely be able to find out where he is. Would you have him on? Yeah, if there was any chance of us going anywhere near him. That would be so funny

to go to Thailand just to interview the guy who does Snake Tales. Well, we wouldn't go there specifically for that. No, well, yeah. Obviously, we'd be there anyway. My hot tip would be

he's fucking super dodgy. Like... Yeah. Well, we can get into it. Yeah. That would be such a good ep. How do you go to Thailand and then still be drawing and writing the same fucking shit comic strip? Because it's just cookie cutter.

He just puts in – there's no growth in these guys at all in the development of any of the jokes or anything. He just looks up joke books and finds a shit joke and then plugs it into Snagtails. And even the art. Garfield is the same where, I don't think there's been a new drawing of Garfield done for that strip in about 10 years. Yeah. It's like clip art now where he's just like, oh, here's Garfield with a smiley face. He can just go in there.

Yep. I have to say, I like Garfield. Yeah, Garfield's fine. A lot of people don't like him, but... We should... Yeah, that would be so great to get Stank Tales on here. What a landmark. I'd love it if he actually is living in Koh Samui

and has been this whole time. And the number of times us slash you have been there. Yeah. Probably just walked past him in the street. Yeah. Been dining next to him. Yeah. No idea.

Seen him on the webcam. Yep, yep. All right, we'll chase it up. Let's mark that down as homework to do. Let's find out exactly where Sol's, or as his full name is, Alan Salisbury, I believe. Where he lives in Thailand. Solicopolis.

Yeah. Well, you know what we should do for the next Dumb Dumb Magazine? We should just get heaps of snake tales, comic strips and rewrite them. Oh, yeah. So just strip the dialogue out and just make them about us. All right. Let's do that. Okay.

Thank you to Patreon. Thanks, Cohen DeGroot. That's where we got that from. DeGroot. Yeah. How did we get that? How did we get there? Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

Hang on. Have we decided how many we're doing this week? No. I've got to go soon-ish. How many? We've done three? We've done three. Yeah, so this will be four.

Yep. I'd say make this the last one, but... This is the last one, you reckon? Let's do it and then we'll see how we feel. If it's good enough to get out on them, we'll leave it at this. Okay. I wonder if it's going to be good enough. So thank you to Patreon subscriber Patrick McGrath. McGrath?

Not McGrath? No. That's a trap for young players. Yep. McGrath. But it is spelt McGrath. Yeah. Okay.

Well, what if he pronounces it McGrath? What if? I don't know. One of the great hypotheticals. Yes. Yeah, I don't know. Why write something – Close your legs, please.

Sorry, for people at home, I am naked and I'm one inch away from Tommy's face. You're sitting directly opposite me and you just readjusted to just give it the full spread. Yeah. But I do have a laptop in my lap. That's true. Yeah. It's like a solar eclipse is happening right in front of me. The perfect place.

I go blind if I stare right at it. Yeah. The perfect place for it, in my opinion, the laptop. The lap? Yeah. Interesting. What do you think? I pretty rarely use one on my lap, I have to say.

Really? I don't like it. It gets too hot. Well, that's why I've always got the laptop cover in between. Yeah. Because I did read a thing where it's like, you know, you've got your laptop on your lap, not good for your sperm. Frying your balls.

Not good for them. If you had to ask how sperm, you'd have to say not good. I was sending you crude. I only got around to using the Anoji function of the uh of the latest iphone where for anyone who's never i mean everyone explain it because i'd never seen it oh really okay so it's like when you text people it you can select little characters and then it uses the camera it's pretty it's pretty awesome tech like you look into the camera and it mimics your yes your eye movements and your mouth so you talk and it records you

and then it's like you can send it to your friend. You can make a little thing of yourself but it's also got like a dinosaur and a chicken and a pig and all this stuff like pre-programmed into it. So I was sending you, you know, I won't say what I was saying but I was sending you very, very crass. Yes, very crude messages. Very crude messages. People may have heard us talk about our illicit conversations

in a pool in Kofi Nyang during the Koh Samui Festival Roadshow. It was hearkening back to some of the gear that we were doing there. Yeah. Wow. Sorry, I'm doing it again. Sorry. No, no. I just mean people listening to this going,

what could they possibly have been saying? Anyway, we – Good to keep a bit of mystery about things. Yeah, look. I think I've said this before, but, you know, when comics get together, they just try and get us – most of the time, you know, a lot of them will get really fucked just to try and make each other laugh because, you know,

we're that used to watching normal comedy. That's not – it's like, it's like sex. It's just not, missionary just doesn't cut it anymore. Exactly. Yes. You've got to have your head in the toilet. So stand up is missionary. Yeah.

And then what we do, what we do with each other is like a dirty Sanchez. What we do is like me going deep anal into you, flushing your head down the toilet as I do it. That's what it is. That's conversationally. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. That's conversationally. Yeah, yeah. That's what it is.

Yes. Yeah. Just horrific stuff. So I was sending you stuff over text. Yeah. And then you're messaging me going like, this is – because, yeah, I had an inkling that you would have no idea that that technology exists.

Yes. So I was like, this will be funny and also the tech behind it is pretty mind-blowing. Yeah. And then you're messaging me going, Diane is very impressed, by the way. Oh, let's – redacted.acted please fucking like uh by the way you've said her name like three times in a row in the last month i know i realized no i haven't um you were like she's very impressed

yeah and so i sent you a thing of me like my little emoji thing, going, hi, sperm is good. Yes. Good stuff. Yeah. She was, but you sent it to me and it just kept looping what you were saying. Oh, really? So she's yelling out, what are you doing? What's?

She was like yelling out, this is weird. You got to get onto it, man. It's fun. Yeah. It's good stuff. No, it made me laugh a lot. Yeah. It was good.

Who the fuck are we talking about? Patrick McGrath, of course. Who else could we be talking about with conversation like that? It's ideally suited content to that name. Oh, man, we've been going on some real flights of fancy on this one. Jeb, were you too old for this? There were books where there was a service years and years ago where you could buy a birthday book over the mail for someone

where it was basically like a book that you were just plugging the name into. So they individually print Tommy into this story about a guy going through the jungle and meeting wizards and defeating some dragons. For kids, right? Yeah. And he'd send off and get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, you're not doing that for adults, I wouldn't have thought. Like, just buying a book and putting Tommy into it. Yeah. Oh, he's walking down the street and then he got a job as a CEO of fucking Mattel or whatever. That would be cool, though. Yeah. If it was like an erotic book and it's like, hey, we put you in here.

Well, not even an erotic book. I think it would be funnier if it was like just you getting a and it's like, hey, we put you in here. Well, not even an erotic book. I think it would be funnier if it was like just you getting a good job and having a good life. Oh, yeah, a nice little fantasy for myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting a good superannuation fund. Oh, man, that would be great. Yeah, just like a normal successful life and sticking you into the story.

Imagine. Yeah. Imagine having things worked out. Yeah. Have you got just the one super or are you like a lot of – really? I've got to fucking – I've got to do mine. I've got like five or something. No, I did that a long time ago.

God damn it. Yeah. Not that what we do, you get a lot of super. No. Yeah. But, yeah. As Harley Breen once said, and this has stuck with me, it's like, what am I going to do? Kick back on fucking $17 when I'm 90 years old?

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know what the alternative is. Because if you're not getting super, it's not like you're getting a heap of other money usually. You know what I mean? Right, right, right, right. Yeah.

Thanks, Patrick. Thanks, Patrick. I guess. Well. So you said. That p Thanks, Patrick. Thanks, Patrick. I guess. Well. So you said. That petered out. That was fine, but it really petered out at the end there. You don't think that was that good?

I reckon we'd better do one more. Okay. I thought you might have liked that one, but okay. No, we had a good. You know, it started strong, and then just by the end, I was just relaying something that Harley said to me. You know what I mean? It's not really a strong finish.

It wasn't a big dismount. No. No, Cohen DeGroot. No, exactly. Cohen DeGroot. relaying something that Harley said to me. You know what I mean? It's not really a strong finish. It wasn't a big dismount. No. No Colin DeGroote. No, exactly. If Colin DeGroote had been named number four, we'd be out of here by now. Right. The recorder would be off.

I'd be in my car on the way home. What if? It's nearly lunchtime, you know. Imagine. Imagine. So we'll do one more. Right. Okay.

And, you know, if this isn't any good, then we'll just do another one after that. Right. Okay. Well, fuck off. Fingers crossed. Pressure's on. Pressure is on.

Pressure is on. For name number, this is five? Let me go through. Alex Cook, Ashley Medjoo, Colin DeGroot, Patrick McGrath, and this one would be five. You're right. Five. Right, right. So this will be five.

Okay. Okay. So this is five. Interesting. So we're doing five. Yeah. Okay. We're doing five this okay five this week um

thank you to patreon subscriber oh okay right what no well this this this may just answer something we were talking about before it it answers something it might answer something someone's name picked out at random yes might answer something that we were talking about before. Yes, Tommy. Like I said before. No, just don't. You know, I'm perfectly within my rights to question. You are.

It's a weird thing for you to be pontificating. Yeah, look. That's a bizarre set of events. What you said was in the form of a question, so I was just giving the affirmative answer. That's all. But you said it with a tone that made it sound like I'm a fool for even questioning this. I apologise for that tone.

That was not meant. I was trying to be helpful. Well, I appreciate your apology. It means a lot. Thank you. I can't wait to have this question answered by a stranger's name that has been randomly picked out

as the fifth one this week. Well, I can't wait to see if you judge this is good enough to end on. Well, it certainly, with the hype you're giving it, it certainly sounds like it is going to be good enough. I'm already packing up. Well, I can't wait to see if you judge this is good enough to end on. Well, it certainly, with the hype you're giving it, it certainly sounds like it is going to be good enough. I'm already packing up. I'm ready to go off the back of this one.

Baseball style, you're pointing at the rafters. No, that's not. They're pointing at their car out in the car park. Oh, really? I'm done after this one. Right. Well, if you remember back at the start of Talking Dumb Dumb. 45 minutes ago.

Yes, probably. Well, it feels like longer, but anyway. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Mrs. Hot Doctor Comedy. Mrs. Hot Doctor Comedy. Yeah. Right. So this answers, what was the question? The question was, does your doctor friend have a hot wife?

Right. But that means she's, so Mrs. Hot Doctor. Yeah. And then the surname is Comedy. So that means she's a hot doctor. Yeah. And she's gotten married to someone from the comedy family. No, I believe.

And I don't want to give my friend's name out on the pod, but his last name isn't comedy. Sorry if that makes it super easy to find him. Right. By process of elimination. What about this? Each week I'll give out one surname that doesn't belong to my friend Pat and then you guys can slowly track him down and dox the shit out of him.

Well, that'll be great considering at the moment no one is looking for this guy. So a very helpful running commentary. And by the way, I said to him, I was like, oh, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was having a go. I was just trying to fuck around and feed the content machine. And he was like, nah, go for it, man. Tee off on me. Well, we're doing the opposite of teeing off on him.

We're talking about how naughty his wife is. We're pumping him up. Yeah. But I mean, look. But I don't think this is – so she's married to someone called Comedy. No, but not – oh, look, it's 2018, Tommy. Oh, she's kept her maiden name. Yeah.

Okay, right. Well, that's what I assume is happening here. Yeah. So she's out there. So you can see why your doctor mate has picked her. He's gone very attractive girl and with the last name Comedy. Yeah. Like who doesn't want to be with someone like that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird that he didn't change his name. Yeah. He's a progressive guy. Yeah. So Mrs. Hot Doc, but she's not a doctor. Right. So she just has the first name Hot Doctor.

Look, again, Tommy, I assume, I think you should have learned from what we've talked about before and even yourself, some people have a different stage name. Do you think it's perhaps like this is like the parents giving the child an aspirational name? Thinking like we want our baby girl to grow up to be a hot doctor. No. It gets objectified on a podcast.

I think that would be great. But I think the opposite has happened here where she has actually got married decided not to change the surname changed the first name

instead. Okay. So she's taken she's taken his so she's changed She's taken his description. She's taken his

Not his name. job and attractiveness and made it her name. No, she's kept her own attractiveness. Right, and taken his profession as her name. And kept her surname. God, fuck, I'm learning a lot this week.

It's very different from what people usually do. I don't know what culture this is. I don't know what part of the world she's from, but she, I thought she, you know, I thought she grew up in Melbourne and her whole family was from – the whole lineage was from here, but there must be some other kind of culture that I've never even heard about.

I assume there must be some mental illness in this family as well. Well, good thing she's so closely aligned with the medical profession that she can get that checked out. Yeah, and of course, proving that, she's subscribed to our podcast. Yeah, well, I shouldn't say that because, you know, thank you. Thank you for the, let me check, $69 a month. Fantastic stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, fantastic stuff. Chucking into the coffers here. So that's great. So he, I mean, he told me he now subscribes enough to get the Patreon episodes. Right. So he listens every week. He's putting in 10. I don't think she's ever listened. Right. And she's putting in almost seven times

the amount that he does. Oh, nearly. Not mystifying that much. Yeah, well. Not sure why she couldn't have gone the full 70 but anyway. or why she couldn't have gone on the full 70, but anyway. Are you looking forward to seeing him in a month's time when we're over there? Yeah, to say thank you for the whole family's donations.

A grand total of $79 coming in from this joint bank account now. Yeah, it could have been $80, but whatever. So close to being $80. Yeah, the magical number. The sex position between the old lady. Between a snowman and an egg. Yes. When a snowman fuck and an egg. Yes. When a snowman fucks an egg.

Can't wait to get home and give the, this is the old egg in the snowman, if you know what I'm saying. The number 80. Can't wait to, can't wait for me, Frosty, to get home and stick my dick in an egg. Chicken little. Finally, finally an answer to the sex position. What do you call it when a snowman fucks an egg? Having an 80. Just great. This is all the back of us talking about my friend who's a doctor.

Divergent paths. One of my oldest friends. He saves lives and I'm doing this. Good shit. Making up a story about his old wife giving us money. Making up? What do you mean? I mean transcribing a thing that happened.

All right. Well, that was almost there. I reckon we've got to do one more. Oh, boy. You know what? I really hope Brooks' old boss, Lorne Michaels, listened to this because I reckon you and I were getting the call up. Yeah, because that's what Lorne Michaels does. Live from New York, it's a snowman fucking an egg. that's what Lorne Michaels does. Live from New York, it's a snowman fucking an egg.

That's what Lorne Michaels does. He listens to the episodes that someone he fucking gave the ass to. Just, you know, for that thing of when they just drag someone back into the show, give them another go. Oh, God, I've got a headache. All right, guys. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Thank you once again to everyone who supports us on Patreon.

We very much appreciate it. It means a lot that you guys enjoy this show enough to want to chip in. Head over there. You get some sweet rewards. We put a lot of time and effort into all the extra content that we send out. Brisbane this weekend, if you are listening to this hot off the presses, can't wait for that. That's going to be a huge, huge afternoon.

Heaps of great special guests on that one. Melbourne next weekend, October the 27th, huge, huge show and roast. November the 18th in Perth, littledumbdumbclub.com for all that information. And again, if you listen to these episodes in the past, if you listen to this five years ago, stick it in your diary. Yeah. I hope you're going well in 2013, but put it in your long, long,

long-term diary that these shows are happening in 2018. Look, those plugs are dated, but I think we can agree, everything else, absolutely timeless comedy, what we've just done. Totally. Evergreen. So, yeah, thanks heaps, guys, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.