The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 428 - Dilruk Jayasinha & Josh Earl

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

Something a bit different this week, as we invite two of our biggest fans onto the show! DILRUK JAYASINHA and JOSH EARL finally get the chance to meet the hosts of their favourite podcast and find out what they're really like. We have updates on our mysterious Hollywood e-mailer from the other week, Karl's been to Thailand with Milan and tried to prank some listeners, Tommy's voice has been recognized and we come up with more ideas for our pop-up shop! Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up: MELBOURNE! Our Orphans Christmas show is back! Sunday December 23, 8pm.CANBERRA! We're back for one night only. March 23, 5pm. MELBOURNE! We're doing another month of huge shows at the Comedy Festival. Saturday March 30, April 6, April 13 & April 20, 4:30pm. We're also doing an extra show: Late Night Dum Dum. Friday April 5, 11:55pm. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Dilruk Jai, singer, and Josh Earle. Very quickly, we have to let you know about some live stuff that we have coming up. We are going to be in Canberra at the start of 2019. We are doing a month of shows in Melbourne in 2019. We also have the pop-up shop coming up January 11th in Melbourne. All of that stuff is going to be super fun. Can't wait to see you guys out there at the shows. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can find tickets to all that stuff.

This show is also on Patreon. You can support us through that. If you like what you hear, it's very much appreciated. We send out some bonus rewards and we talk about your little names that you've got at the end of the show in a segment that we call Talking Dumb Dumb. So stick around for that. Carl is in the room with me at the moment.

I'd just like to make that clear. Yeah, I was trying to think of something to say, but you were saying all the good stuff. Yeah stick around for that. Carl is in the room with me at the moment. I'd just like to make that clear. Yeah, I was trying to think of something to say, but you were saying all the good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, in future, which bit would you like me to save for you? The URL? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know most of that. Okay, yeah. Alright, well, yeah, enjoy this episode. It's a fun

one with two of our very good mates, and we'll see you at the back end for Talking Dum Dum. Enjoy Dirk Dreisinger and Josh Earle. Yep. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little Dum Dum Club for another week. Where is the volume button on this? Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me as always, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickie. Yeah, the sidekick. Gosh, I'm just glad we got the full orchestra in here. This is a live show. Live show with no audience. Today on the show, joining us, we have Josh Earle and Dilruk Jai,

a singer. And folks at home, we all just did an episode of Josh Earle's podcast, so you just heard the first of what I'm sure will be many callbacks to the hour that we just spent. It's like when friends and they ER joined forces in the crossover episode. There was actually Noah Wiley and... Yes, hence why I said it, Dil. Vandal.

I thought it was like a silly little reference. No. No, no. I've been watching... I've talked a little bit on the show recently about how I'm going through The Sopranos at the moment. Yes. And for the bulk of it, I'm like, man, this really holds up. Like, it hasn't

dated at all. But then the other day I was watching an ep where someone's in hospital and being pushed along on a, you know, through the corridors. We don't have hospitals anymore. But Tony's like trying to talk to the person on the bed and the doctor's telling him to get away. And Tony goes,

yeah, yeah, why don't you take a hike, George Clooney? Wow, that being the reference for a guy in a hospital, George Clooney. These days, if you did that these days in a show, it'd be like,

go take a hike, George Clooney. Oh, am I a guy holding coffee? That's the reference. Clooney's still hot though. Who would it be actually now? Who's the young hot guy? Chris Hemsworth

or one of the Chris's? The Hemsworth or one of the Chris's. You knowemsworth or one of the Chris's. You know the Chris's. Chris Pratt. Yeah, Chris Pratt, Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Wainhouse. I thought you thought all the Hemsworth brothers were from the Chris family.

How are you feeling about Sopranos now that you're getting to see your family? Your ethnicity has finally been represented well. Yeah, that's what I mean. I assume it's the Sopranos. I've just been getting on Apple TV and all my family photos just come up on the screen. Why don't you change your name again to Soprano? Tommy Soprano.

Oh, damn. That's pretty good. That's pretty fucking good. Could I get away with that, though, without... I would then have to reference it. I'd have to come out and talk about being a survivor. You can't come out and talk about your granddad inventing Vegemite or having cancer or anything.

It's like, well, I thought this guy was going to whack someone. He invented... His grandfather invented Dolmio Grint. That's the cover, like, how Tony talks about how he's in waste management. That's my family's cover. Yeah, we work at the Vegemite factory. Well, speaking of old TV shows

Now you guys are both listeners Of Yep Genuine fans Comedy podcast High five hero Yeah Comedy podcast

We love this show This isn't an old TV show Right Feels like it Fingers crossed one day It will be Yeah yeah yeah But no

Because you're listeners You'll have heard a couple of weeks ago On the show We talked about Potential fan Definitely a potential interview request, appearance request by star of 90s slash noughties action TV show, La Femme Nikita, Peter Wilson. Yes.

So you heard that. So we left that episode getting a message on Instagram. Yes, that's right. Yeah, you had sent one. I'll take this. Shut the fuck up. As a listener. Yeah, you're the first most listener in the room.

I'm the second. Yeah, even though you're third. I probably listen more than you do. Probably, yeah. Because when you edit, do you skip bits? You go, I remember that bit was fine or whatever? Or do you have to listen through it through? Depends on the week.

Yeah, right. So if you have to, American Comics, you have to promote their show. Yeah, right. So if you have two American comics here to promote their show. Yeah, yeah. You listen back again and again and again. It's so funny. That's nicknamed the fine comb episode. Most weeks what I do is we record the ep and I go, that's fine, I don't need to edit anything out of that.

But then what I do is I listen back to it backwards just to make sure there's no subliminal bad messages hidden. Have you picked up on any in the past? Oh, yeah. You've done some awful ones over the years fuck forward there's enough horrific messages

backwards yeah no so you did get a message at the end of the episode I think yeah yeah yeah on Instagram from Peter Wilson

so you were worried that it might have been a fake account so you thought you know what I'm going to hit her up on Instagram this was the Tony Martin

Judith Lucy episode or her people were doing it not hers but you hit the Instagram account and she replied straight away yes I'm going to hit her up on Instagram. This was the Tony Martin, Judith Lucy episode. Or her people were doing it, not hers. We don't know. But you hit the Instagram account and she replied straight away. Yes, I'm serious. Got the reply, all that sort of stuff. Yep, great. So we got the follow-up from there.

So what's happened since then is the episode went out. We then got a bit of reaction from people remembering her, not remembering her. Do you guys remember her? I remember. I don't remember what she looks like, but I remember the show being on all the time. So I get that show and VIP with Pamela Anderson kind of mixed up.

They're kind of similar. We wish the star of VIP was hitting us up. Man, imagine that. We're getting into Scott Morrison territory here. But if the same thing, exact same thing had happened, all that correspondence, but it's from Pamela,

would that be too devastating to you that she'd spelt your name wrong? Yeah, no, that's fine. No, really? Call me whatever you want. Call me fucking Gladys. Just in order to be nominated.

We shouldn't be doing that because we've got a legitimate star already. Yes, 100%. So what happened was we got a bit of feedback. People were like, yeah, no, no, no, whatever. Then we got a private message from a listener saying, hey, listen to the current podcast.

My cousin is actually Peter Wilson. Oh. The Peter Wilson. Can I just quickly detail for one second? Dil, had you ever heard of? I've heard of La Femme Nikita for sure. Really? Yeah, yeah.

We had that in Sri Lanka. Oh, wow. I just never watched it. But I think it definitely was on air for sure. Oh, huge. Okay. My cousin is Peter Wilson. She is genuinely useless with any technology.

Do you want me to follow up on this? And I'm like, well, we sort of don't need yeah we've got the correct line line but anyway she goes well and the guy goes well anyway his name's will will says uh she is totally not the right fit for your podcast to be fair who is yeah she's mentally stable he doesn't like fat shaming people of all the people that have been on in the past the two men sitting in this room with us right now are really the only people I'd say are a good fit. Yeah.

And I feel bad saying that too. I'm sorry. He goes, it would be very funny watching her try to fit in with what you do. And I went, oh, wow, you don't think she's funny? And has she really listened to us? Like, how has this happened? He says, says i 100 can tell you she does not listen 100 what's his name will will will wilson no no will anderson no no uh 100 can tell you she doesn't listen she's lovely i just wouldn't consider her a funny person. Very spiritual slash holistic and a little intense.

Oh. That sounds like it's the perfect fit for this show. Oh, yeah, totally. And then goes, not really the fat fuck cum joke type. La cum Nikita. La Cam Nikita. I mean, it's like I love doing this show every week. I have a good time with you, Carl.

But, I mean, when you hear it just boiled down into a handful of words like that, it's pretty. I took a couple of words out. This is the version that goes for the media release. It really is. When you're in it, you're like, this is so fun. And then someone just says back at you what you do. And it's like, oh, my God.

When we do an episode of Private Messages up late, I'll tell you what he really said. Oh, wow, really? Now I want to know. When everywhere and sperm hop into the DMs, oh, fuck, he's got a point. For a long time, you could go, well, you kind of dodged racism for a fair bit but then you know i think that was the first one to go was it yeah have you

not listened to your episodes that when you're on like i think we we got more caught up with the fat shame i don't know there was a couple of races it's all a blur to me it's all a you know it's just a big rich delicious stew that i love dining on every week i I did bring a gollywog onto the show one day. That's true. When I was on. And I think there's a screenshot because that was one of the few episodes that's been filmed for Channel 31. And there's a shot of me looking at a gollywog that Josh is holding.

No context. The story was that your son had it. Your son is a racist. Your son bought it for you. His grandmother bought it for him and I didn't want it in the house so I had it, yeah. Your son is a racist. Your son bought it for you. His grandmother bought it for him, and I didn't want it in the house, so I gave it to you. And he thought its name was Dil. Yeah.

The next day, the reboot of Spicks and Specks got cancelled. I'm sure it was a coincidence. So I go, so I'm talking to Will online. Yes. I said, wow, this is a real mystery, all of this stuff. And he goes, Will says, I'll seriously follow her up if you want. I really want to see how this plays out. I said, I've just followed her up, so I'm waiting to see what happens.

But feel free to tell her that we mentioned her on the pod about the request and say that you listen so you're curious about what's happening. And he goes, okay, right right then i get a then i get a uh screenshot sent to me that he sent his cousin peter wilson hey cuz the story checks out yeah the boys from the little dum-dum club spent two-thirds of an episode talking about you you should have a listen to it and a past few eps to decide if you actually want to go on their podcast. Right. But according to Peter Wilson, I'm a fan.

Yes, totally, totally, totally. And, you know, he points out that episode. Yeah. Judith sort of went a bit. Judith went a little harsh. It was not too bad. She just said, like, shit on the career. Yeah, and also he's trying to help.

Listen to some past episodes. Don't fucking throw, like, shit on the career. Yeah. And also, he's trying to help listen to some past episodes. Don't fucking throw that in, mate. Jesus Christ. She's either already listened to it or she doesn't need to listen to it. Yes. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, oh, fuck, now she'll hate us.

And he goes, no, no, you guys were gentle on her. And I said, oh, well, maybe Judith wasn't as much. Like, it was just a joke. But then Will says, look, Peter has had a very interesting life. If she was actually going on a podcast, it would more fit Will Anderson's, to be honest. All right, nice. Two guys, one cup.

Yeah. She loves AFL. So then I get a screenshot. He sends a new screenshot. Her reply is, what is that? Dum Dum Club? Peter. Okay, found it.

What is the ep number? Oh, my God. Latest one. Then his reply, told you. Ha, ha, ha. Not aware. Will's loving this. What?

Then just at the end, keep me in the loop. Keen to see how this train wreck plays out. Yeah. Right. What a treat for a listener. I mean, he is in the driver's seat here. He is absolutely loving this. A thing he listens to, his cousin gets involved.

He can see how it is. He's the puppet master. He can see all of it playing out. None of the rest of us have any of this kind of perspective. Yeah. But he is just absolutely working us a treat. Yeah. What a thrill for him.

Yeah. So now the question is, when she replied to you and vice versa, who does she think you are? Yes. Yeah. So that's very interesting. Because, like I said Because She misspelled Carl That was the email Carl with a C

Carl Reiner And from like a different Like not her named account or something That was some other Wilson, yeah Because I The back and forth on Instagram Is literally this, me saying hi, did you really Email us today?

Her response, yes, big fan of your work. Let's stay in touch. You said email us. It didn't say Dum Dum Club. No. You emailed a message from the little Dum Dum Club or from Carl Chandler? Dum Dum Club. Oh, right.

Yeah, this is strange. So anyway, so after that happened with the cousin, with Will, she sent me a message going, do you have a link of where I was mentioned on YouTube or whatever it is? Oh, wow. This is the only thing we have on YouTube and it's Josh holding a gollywog. Come on in. Sell your bras.

This was cool back when La Femme Nikita was on TV. It was a different time back in 2016. As you can see from this pic, this is the two of us, Tommy and Carl. With their friend Dilruk. So I go, oh, hi, Peter. We recorded an episode a while back where we first got your email

We were trying to figure out If it was really you Or someone playing a trick on us We talked to Judith Lucy And Tony Martin About it on the latest episode It's at our website LittleDumbDumbHob.com.au

Now she's a Patreon subscriber No Yeah so then A couple of hours later She's got a message back Says hilarious Really fun So she wasn't a listener

Now she technically is right I would say as we've learnt we can't really take anything this woman says at face value

she just sort of sat there and ran out the clock she just guessed that the episodes go for two hours and then hit you back right right

and asked which episode and wanted to see if it's legit but see because that contradicts what she said big fan of your work so what other work

has the little dum dum club done that Peter Wilson might know? Well, yeah, look, she's clearly not. No, but I think that was a good episode to bring it up on. Because if she was famous in Australia that era, her knowledge of comics would have been the late show people. Yeah. So it's like, oh, these guys are legitimate. They've got some big names. If you had someone like Ronnie, she probably doesn't know who Ronnie is. Right, right, right. But she'd know, oh, these guys are legitimate. They've got some big names. So if you had someone like Ronnie,

she probably doesn't know who Ronnie is. Right, right, right. But she'd know who Tony Martin and Julius Lucy is. Especially, I mean, if she's now into holistic stuff and whatever now. Yeah,

right. Probably isn't, yeah, hunting down Ronnie Chang's angry, insane fucking. What, what was the plot of La Femme Nikita? I was just trying to look it up here.

It was like, it was like alias. Wasn't it? Wasn't she like fighting? Is she a crime fighter? Lady spy kind of thing? Yeah, spy, yeah. So do you think this is her writing the next season?

That she's like infiltrating a podcast? Oh, she's doing deep. Yeah, okay. Interesting, interesting. I would say no. So what happened? Because we were talking about There was Her being in Sydney

Over Christmas And we were maybe Going to go up there Yeah then after that After she listened I was like So are you going to be around Over Christmas in Sydney

Oh it might be a bit later now Oh She's thinking I think she's cancelled Her trip down under No she's thinking Comedy festival Big crowds

Big audiences Wants to do a live show Wants to do a live show I mean we do have a Wants to be in Rad Dad She wants to do a live show wants to do a live show I mean we do have a lot wants to be in Rad Dad she wants to play Rad Dad's

wife yeah there's a there's a lot of threads on this show that you know just go on for months and months and months

sometimes years it's actually nice to have one where we've just closed it off within about two weeks you know we had our fun she's out the end nah nah nah do you think there's more to this Cal? yeah mate well you know within about two weeks. You know, we had our fun. She's out. The end. No, no, no.

Do you think there's more to this, Cal? Yeah, mate. Well, you know, if she's not going to come here for Christmas, she might be here. So she lives in LA right now? Yeah. We've still got the cousin.

The cousin's going to be egging her on. We'll get him on. Right. We'll get him on the phone. So you're saying Will needs to go over to LA for Christmas. He needs to be at some kind of family lunch table to kind of really start turning the screws here. We've still got irons in the fire.

Like, who ever sent that email initially? The manager or whoever it was? What was his name? He had an interesting name. Oh, I can't remember. I don't have any idea. So does this mean that you two are now influencers? That you're, you know, in America people are going...

I think that's how she sees us, yeah. I mean, we just need to get her on here to just... There are a lot of mysteries here that we need to get to the bottom of. Who sent the email? Yeah. I mean, we just need to get her on here to just – there are a lot of mysteries here that we need to get to the bottom of. Who sent the email? Yeah. And we do get inundated with a lot of listener emails about what sort of bras they should buy. Yeah.

And so I think this would answer that quite well if she came on and plugged her brand. So she's on as a guest. Pamela Anderson. Who are you going to pair her up with? That's the thing I've been wondering from day one Dave O'Neill that is good and

you can do a bra fitting as well yeah hey poofs where's my bra yeah because he can be on going oh yeah

yeah because I know um I know um Eric Banner Eric Banner yeah no she yeah she'll be talking about um you know she'll be talking about, you know,

she'll be talking about La Femme Nikita. Yeah. Some stories from filming that. And he'll just be talking about what was on Channel 7 at the same time. Oh, just talking about an old Chiquito. He'll tell about a corporate he was at where he mentioned her. No, they go story for story, La Femme Nikita and the nugget. Yeah.

Yeah, easy. It's great. Well, yeah, we've got a lot. Yeah, there's stuff to follow up on here. I had an interesting one the other day. I was at a friend's 30th and then I saw my friend like a few days after the 30th and my friend was saying to me one of her friends at the 30th had been standing around and could hear me talking and was like,

why is that guy's voice so familiar? Oh, wow. And my friend goes, oh, he does stand-up and he does a podcast. And she goes, that's it? My fucked ex-boyfriend always used to try and make me listen to it. And this, she broke up with him because he smelt like off milk and refused to do anything about it. Now, I've got to say, there's holes all over this story.

That does not sound like any podcast listener that I've ever come into contact with. That sounds more like a podcast guest. Thanks for pushing our podcast onto your girlfriend, Kappa. I appreciate it. I really debated whether to tell this or not because it's sort of, what's interesting about it is the girl who's actually in the story, so she doesn't listen. You know what I mean? So your voice is just in the background. Yeah, yeah. But she's

never going to hear this. Who is going to hear it? Yeah. Is the ex. Old fucking pure light starting cell. Just kicking back with a big old tartan. Old fucking Rodney Rev. If you're that guy. How do Rev. If you're that guy...

How do you know if you're that guy, though? Have you just broken up with someone? Do you smell like milk? Well, according to her, and I'm sorry, Rodney, if this isn't the case, I can only go on what I've heard secondhand, she brought it up to him and was trying to get him to do something about it. To shower.

About the smell. Whatever was causing it, she didn't know, but he refused. Refused? How do you refuse? I don't know, but he refused. Refused? How do you refuse? I don't know. We need this man to get in touch with us. I swear I'm going to get in trouble for this. To be fair, you've been telling Kappa for months now,

and he has refused to make any changes. But what I like about his going, my boyfriend smelled like off milk and that was unacceptable. Just specifying off. If you're with someone that smells like fresh milk, is that good? Smell like activated almond milk. Yeah, you work your way up.

Okay, look, I'm not going to say that you have to cut this out immediately. Get yourself up to the fresh milk smell and then we can work on that from now on. My boyfriend smells like fresh milk. Are you going out with a cat? But you're not from Australia. All right, man, we get it. You want me to go back to where I fucking came from.

Isn't it a thing where Asian people think that Westerners smell like milk? Or smell like dairy? No, wet dog. Wet dog we smell like. Wet dog? Wet dog is the one that people talk about. You didn't know this? I always thought it was dairy.

Oh, really? No. Anyone else, any person of colour, please message the guys and let them know if I'm not off. I'm pretty sure it's wet dog is the standard one. I think even black comics and stuff like that talk about why people smell like Wet Dog. So people from where you're from think that we smell weird.

Yes, dummy? Any further comments? No, no, just getting my head around the facts. What do you mean? You're shaking your head from side to side. He's doing the wobble. It's just a spasm that my arm's doing. Extending out like this.

I've never heard that. Have you guys heard that? No. I thought it was milk. I thought it was dairy. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But I've only heard the wet dog one

is the one. Why do people smell like wet dog? Yeah. Damn. Yeah, that's weird. I'm kind of into that. Well, you know what? I don't mind the smell of wet dog? Yeah. Damn. Yeah, that's weird. I'm kind of into that. Well, you know what?

I don't mind the smell of wet dog. Yeah. Yeah. Wet pussy, though. That's the one you really don't want to smell. Do you know how you said you don't normally edit this? Do you reckon that's going to go out? I'm just waiting until we can start.

I'm looking to do the Haymates again any time soon. What about this? We'll follow up this. So that last live episode from Perth. Yes. We didn't talk about it last week, but so that ended with me going off to Thailand with Friend of the Street.

Your new wife. That's right. That was the biggest news from that episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the shocking news. Yeah, yeah. Me going to Thailand. Boy, it's non-stop cliffhangers at the moment, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is real bold and beautiful bullshit in the show these days. So Milan and I, I bought travel insurance within the show from a Perth listener who works for... Yes. Was he a brown guy?

That's a very brown name. I don't see colour. But you smelled him? Yeah. He smelled like dry dog. He smelled like brown milk. Dry dog. Smelled like a dog that hadn't had a bath for a while.

So not wet. So yeah, yeah. So there's a link to him online. If you go to our website and you're wanting to go to the Costa Milla International Podcast Festival 2019, he is doing a few deals. He is a listener, so get behind him. But he sold me travel insurance because I was worried

because I was going with Milan one-on-one to Thailand, going to Copenhagen. And we were going at the same time as the full moon party. Amazing. Yeah. So I survived, which was great news. Good to have you back. Yeah.

Milan survived as well? He survived. Okay, good. Have you already declared a godfather in case you die? No. Who's the godfather? I think that was your request, wasn't it? The live show?

No, that's the last week's episode. Right. Which hasn't come out yet. These two fans haven't heard yet. Yeah, yeah. Right, right, right last week's episode. Right. Which hasn't come out yet. These two fans haven't heard yet. Yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. Okay, okay. So you're stealing gear from me from in the future.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. But I was talking about how there were listeners. There was a couple that were listeners in Samui already before we got there. And so I was saying, this will be a great prank. I'm going to get over there. I'm going to say something else is happening and you need to go somewhere.

And then they turn up and we Milan them. Yeah. So that was the idea, right? I hope people know what Milan them means because that sentence in isolation sounds really bad. Right, right. Well, hopefully everyone knows by now Milan is our beloved. Loves to barb shots, loves to have a good time and get people. I think people know by now.

Well, if you've heard that live episode, you'll have figured it out. He wants everyone to have a good time. He wants people to have a good time until they don't remember that good time. Yes. He's our comedy adjacent friend who is at everything. So all comedians know him. Yep. Loves shouting drinks.

Comedians all around the world know him. Yep. So anyway, we went there one-on-one. We got to Samui before we were going to go to the next island, which is Copenhagen. So we had one night in Samui. So we went to we went to mr crab one of our favorite restaurants over there we get great like yeah uh oh no that's green bird ah good good t-shirts good yes yes yes so we get there about 9 30 10 o'clock um and so i get there and i say to milan remember that idea we'll get those listeners here so i sent them a message and I go, hey, what are you guys doing tonight?

I just remembered I've got a friend in Samui. Can you come and he's going to, he wants to send some stuff back to me. If you can come and grab it and bring it back, that would really help me out.

Yeah, because they didn't know you were going to be there. Yes, they didn't know we were going to be there. That's going to be the big surprise. And then they go, oh,

we've been really busy today, so we're pretty tired, so maybe we can't do that. And then I start going, hang on, I've just said, can you come and pick up some gear from my friend that you're going to bring back to Australia? You use the word gear as well? Just stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also it's like they're fans of this, they're probably Patreon subscribers or something, so then it's like just the guy who hosts a podcast that they listen to hitting them up. Can you do me a favor? Yeah. Can you run an errand for me? Just out of the blue. Can you run an international errand for me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, no, no, but if you can't because he's – and she goes, oh, maybe he can drop it off and I can pick it up in the morning. And I'm like, no, no, no. He's only there that one night. So you sort of need to come and get it. Oh, so it's getting even more sass, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And she's like – This is quite a prank. Yeah, yeah. And she's like this is quite a prank yeah yeah and she's like oh yeah look I don't know about that I don't yeah yeah

I'll come another day it'll be okay another day I'm like fuck really I'm sitting there going fuck how are we going to get her up here and then I just go I love it if it's like her

you're thinking oh god she just doesn't get it but she's reading it going he's obviously here and trying to trick me into hanging out with him. And she's like, I don't want to hang out with you.

What else can I tell him? But I'm going, but I really want to get this stuff. And she goes, but I live in Adelaide. And then I go, oh, yeah, I'm going to Adelaide next week. And then I can come and get it. And she's like, no, I'm going to Adelaide next week. And then I can come and get it. And she's like, no, I'm not going to do this. You know how we didn't do a live podcast in Adelaide and did it in Melbourne instead?

But I'm coming next week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you'd be like, what is so, what does he need? What's so desperate for something that you've, I've got to go and get it and then go back to Adelaide and then he's going to come to Adelaide to get it. This is so gross. This guy who I listen to on the way to work he's going to come to Adelaide to get it. This is so drunk. This guy who I listen to on the way to work really wants me to do all his stuff for him.

It's like, fuck. When you came up with that idea, how drunk were you? How many Milans were you in? Yeah, it was literally a two-minute idea. So you hadn't thought ahead of like, I'd better come up with what the item is. You weren't expecting there to be this much question. And then did Milan just grab the phone and go listen you rat cunts yeah so but she was like

oh look I'm just really tired like we've been on this ferry all day and this and that and now it's 10 o'clock and we're in bed you know like we just

it won't be able to happen tonight I'm really sorry but it's not going to happen and then I go okay look that was all a lie

me and Milan are drinking at Mr. Crab right now. And she's like, fuck, I'll be there in five minutes. I would have loved if the ending was, yeah, no, we're still pretty tight. No, as soon as I go, Milan's here and we're drinking, it was like, and she goes, oh, my God, it's my birthday. I'll be there in five minutes.

Oh, great. But then the best topper of the prank is that she turns up and then you're like, actually, here's this bag of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're dressed up as cops.

Yeah. So all of a sudden they miraculously get out of bed and then they're in five minutes going, fucking, where's the cocktails?

Yeah. So they're very fun. It's very fun. So they come up and it's nice to, you know, it's nice to... What are their names?

Do you remember? Oh, look, for privacy reasons. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. You've got to be really careful about that kind of stuff. Yeah, really good on you for protecting them. Don't say their names. Can't say their names.

Is that... You actually don't know your wife's name? You just pretend? I think it's rude to ask You know the thing When you have a relationship With someone And you haven't asked their name

Like you have a conversation At a party with someone You don't know their name At the start So you can't ask An hour into the conversation That's what That's me in my life

Yeah So she's been made For so long now And names are fluid Like Tommy Dasolo It's like you can change To Soprano Is that part of the reason Behind having the kid is just to be able to come up with names

and go, oh, look at, you know, yours is whatever that is. Maybe name it after you, which would then mean that it's called. I remember at the wedding he said, I do take what he said. That's my love and what it was. So we went out We went out with a Lovely couple And Went for a bunch of drinks

Which is fun And Milan's in his element Where he gets to You know Show off I would argue that Milan's out of his element Because one of Milan's element

Is being able to buy shots And drinks And people are quite happy To take it Whereas in Thailand Everything's cheap already Yeah So it's a little bit like

He's happy to be the messenger As long as he's the one carrying it back from the bar, I think. Yeah, right. It's not the finances. He must have been like a... Look, I'm not dogging

this couple that we met, but they were happy to take the freebie. Of course. No, no, no, no. I understand that. I just find it... Milan feels like he loses

his power a little bit. They were happy to take the freebies. Yeah, what was... So you can remember that about them. Well, I remember this bit. I remember this bit.

At the start, we're like, oh, we'll go out for a drink at this bar. And then we went and got, me and Milo went and got two rounds. And then we came back. And then they disappeared and came back with their own drinks. And I'm like, oh, we're not around, are we? Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, look, if you're listening, I can't get on board with that.

No, come on. No, look, we fucking tore them apart for doing that. So then they came back. That's really rude of you, whatever the fuck you're like. Because I was like, oh, these guys, I would never have met them. And then they were like, and then the girl was like, oh, yeah, we've met before. I actually helped you into a cab when you were unconscious at the European Beer Cafe after a podcast. That night when you lost your shoes, I stuck you into a cab.

I'm like, well, thank you. I remember you well. Well, help me into an Uber next time and then I'll have a record of what your name is from your account. Yes. Fuck. I'm going to have to go back into the records to find out what her name is now. Fucking hell.

Yeah. Well, there's no point now. It's too late now. Yeah. We can do it now that we're on well, there's no point now. It's too late now. We should do it now that we're on the pod. We can edit that. It's fine. Yeah, yeah, we can. When she sends you the parcel from Adelaide, it'll have her name as the return.

Oh, yes. When I get that sweet big bunch of ganja. It's a famous couple, Bert and Patty Newton, wasn't it? Carl stopped talking. He's just scratching his head and looking up at the sky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really trying hard to recall it, guys. It's coming to me.

Rest assured that it is just seconds away from his mind. It's weird that the sky had a password that he had to enter as he looked up. I can see it's right on the tip of his tongue. He's mouthing it out to us. He's actually writing it on a big whiteboard. Like Goodwill Hunting style. It's taking ages, but he does know it. He does know it. Beautiful mind. He's just writing it on a big white board. Goodwill Hunting style. It's taking ages, but he does know it. He does know it. Beautiful mind.

He's just trying to, you know. It really is a beautiful mind. Wow, it's right there. This memory, I mean, you know. He has been hanging out with Blakey a bit, and so the writing, I can't make it out yet. Yeah, you think he's caught some dyslexia. Yeah. He's motioning at us like, I get it, and we all believe it.

We all believe him. He's turning to charades like, I get it. And we all believe it. We all believe him. He's turning into charades now. Three syllables. Okay. I'm so close. Mr. Man and Mrs. Woman. I'm so close on it. Hang on.

I was thinking about Pamela Anderson. Fuck, I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. Are you serious? I can't remember where I was messaging her, whether it was on the Dumb Dum Dum account or a private account. Have you forgotten your fucking passcode as well? No, but I don't remember which platform I was talking to her on.

Fuck. Rain Man at its worst. Oh, here are their names. Peter and Wilson. Turns out it was all the one person the whole time. He was just that drunk. He saw double. It's my birthday.

It's my birthday too. Wow. It's both your birthdays. What a crazy couple. Fuck. God. He's still looking into the sky. Now he's actually got tea leaves that he's reading, trying to see.

We can't move on until your memory fires up and you remember these people's names. Do you want to get a psychic in? Yeah. I'd love that. If you've got a hypnotist in to try and tap into some repressed memories. Message Milan and say, what were their names? He would not know. He'd be like, prove it, prove it.

How's he going to know that? Mr. and Mrs. Prove. I might have to edit this bit to be at three times speed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it doesn't seem as... We will talk while Carl's sitting. Oh, Carl looks. Yeah, we can chat. No, yeah, yeah. So it doesn't seem as... We will talk while Carl is sitting. Oh, Carl, look. Yeah, we can chat.

No, it's fine. Look, it's not... We don't need it as part of the story. It's fine. Surely. But you are still trying to recall. Yeah, that's not making eye contact with this listener. He's still scrolling through his phone.

I'm still talking. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Anyway. But do you think they enjoyed the experience until now? They did because, so by the end of it, we ended up. Exchanging names and numbers? They will certainly.

The numbers bit doesn't really matter. Oh, 438. Fuck. Where the fuck was I messaging you? Do you reckon it ever happened? Maybe none of this exists. Maybe this is all in your dream, Carl. You never had a podcast.

You're still a graphic designer in Ballarat. My God. Moving on, how was the full moon party? Oh, yeah, so that's what happened. So we ended up that night. We ended up Milan took this couple to the... Who? Well, look, I don't incriminate them because he took them to a strip club

and then shouted them like lap dancers. Why is that incriminating? He did that with you. Yeah, but I didn't take any of them. They did. Oh, okay. So you refused a lap dance? Yes.

So you think you're better than them? Yes. Yeah, that probably checks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a rollercoaster for them listening back to this. Can't remember the name of the deal saying, yeah, pieces of shit. Oh, man, I would have taken the lap dance. They didn't.

Yeah, no, you have. I have. Yeah. I will. Yeah. So we went to Copenhagen the next day. And then, as I was talking about, there was a full moon party that then Milan demanded to be brought to. So for people that don't know, Full Moon Party,

it's like 30,000, 40,000 people on a small beach. Yeah, and they all become werewolves. Well, Milan becomes some sort of fucking animal. Yeah, so there's something. A were is the bar wolf. If you're a listener to this show... Bar wolf! If you're a listener to this show If you're a listener Of this show

You'd become An aware wolf Yeah Nice Nice So then Yeah Milan just met This bunch of like

Fucking 19 year olds And was like Oh yeah Let's hang out with them So we're hanging out With 19 year olds On the beach So what did you think

The full moon party Was going to be though It was only always Going to be 19 year olds I know But I was just thinking Well the only person I know is Milan, so I guess we'll just be having a drink with each other or something. You really have become Rad Dad.

Hey, I didn't want to go. I love your ability to tell a story that just incriminates everyone around you. You're like, meanwhile, I'm standing there shaking my head, going, this is disgusting. Man, I was fucking feeding orphans. That's what I was doing. Is that what they're calling it now ping pong show's got a new rebranding yeah it's called feeding the old they were very young and they didn't tell there that long.

We were there for a couple of hours and it was whatever. But then we got in and we went to get a taxi and we're like, okay, we've got to go back to our resort. It's like one o'clock or something. It hadn't been some big night. We'd still been drinking for like five or six hours or something like that. What time does a full moon party start? Is it night time to sunrise?

That sort of stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. So it's late night. I reckon that's in the title of the deal. No, no, no. But like do people get there earlier? Like for the beach?

Is there like a daytime? Is there a barbecue? Folks, welcome to the full just before the moon comes out party. It's going to be huge. Yeah. People are still there from the full sun party. It's going to be huge. People are still there from the full sun party.

Maybe we could do one of them on Copenhagen. That's what we... Do we want to do Roadshow or do we want to rebrand it as the full sun party? We're just drinking in the middle of the day

getting absolutely roasted. They're great. Yeah, so there's a million people. There's people coming around Trying to offer us drugs And stuff And then

There'd be a person Offering drugs Is there anyone coming And saying Can you take this For my friend Natalie Yeah You're like

No drugs for me thank you Everyone else around you In the story is like Yes please Totally I'm a drug addict I was high on life And the rest of

What was the saying You're high from sport Sport is my drug Sport is my drug Natural high Yeah Sport is my natural high. Totally.

That's your next issue. Sport is my natural high. Maybe just a headband. Yeah. Or a sporting car. Or shelving a ping pong ball. Yeah. So we fucked off

we fucked off from there and we we go to get a cab and we're staying at the absolute other end of the island so it's the we're right down the south and we're staying at the

absolute most north peak so I go is it going to be a problem with like cabs and everyone's like no no no cabs are fine so we get in one

and we pay them extra if we can go straight away without waiting for anyone else we then take off. They then stop 10 minutes later and go, all right, we're going to wait for other people now. We're like, we paid extra. It doesn't matter.

So then we – it takes – for a normal trip from one part of the island to the other, it's probably a half hour, 40-minute drive. It takes us three hours plus on that cab. We're in the same cab for three hours. And it's one of those ute ones. You know the ute? They're not tuk-tuks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're like utes with no... So you get public jumping, hopping on and off, right? Yes. Yeah, so it's like you don't reserve it for yourself. Yeah. And you jam in as many people as you can. So that means you can have 12 in the back of the truck. Yeah.

Right? So we're doing that at like, you know, one, two in the morning, whatever it is. Then, like Milan hasn't had that great of a time at the full moon party because, like, everyone's drinking. He can't shout the whole beach. Yeah. So he can't claim credit for 30,000 people.

Right. We then get in this... Damn, I'd love him to go back and work out here. Yeah. Just hire a bleep to fly over and just be throwing bottles down at people. Yeah. Just like a scene out of Dunkirk where they're just flying through the beach and they're just bottles down at people. Just like a scene out of Dunkirk

where they're just flying through the beach and they're just shooting shots at people. It works out how to turn the seawater into booze and just have it flashing up on people. And the soundtrack. I love the smell of Bacardi in the morning. That's the thing, because you can't control the whole beach of 30,000,

40,000 people. But then we get in this back of this ute with like 12 people. Here we go. Let's see where this is heading. He becomes in his element. Yeah.

He takes over that fucking ute. I've never seen anything like it. Jesus and the 12 apostles. Yeah. Totally. And they all were like foreign. They were all speaking different languages,

all from different countries. What were all their names? Don't say all of them just do five Bjorn Ikea so man he fucking

he takes over that thing we don't speak their language he just he just finds out one word in one of their languages he finds out the word bitchka I don't even know language he just finds out one word in one of their languages

he finds out the word bitchka I don't even know what language that's from bitchka bitchka sounds Polish right maybe it's Polish that becomes

I bet you you're going to have one listener who knows what bitchka is totally so bitchka I don't know what it was from but anyway it was just the whole cab

screaming bitchka for three hours bitchka bitchka and then that's a Kendrick whole cab screaming bitchka for three hours. Bitchka? Bitchka. That's a Kendrick Lamar song. Bitchka steal my vibe. Bitchka steal my vibe.

Oh, man. Milan then turns the whole thing into like a karaoke session. Right. So then it's becoming like whatever song he can think of, then him sticking the word bitchka into every song. Right, right, right. What were some of the hits? Oh, man.

I can't remember now. According to Urban Dictionary it's another name for absolute vodka oh that makes sense so maybe Russian or Polish as you said maybe I don't even need to do

any more googling that absolutely checks out yeah so he becomes a hero of this cab and then as we're driving along we're talking

someone says to me what do you do and I go oh I do some comedy and it's like and he's like and they're like no no to me what do you do and i go i do some comedy and it's like and he's like and they're like no no no what do you really do your friend he's the comedian this other guy goes oh he goes he says to me i'm so jealous of you and i'm like why he goes you get to be that guy's friend to be fair you've been hearing that a lot since you've

been made through tommy dasolo he does comedy you get to be his guy's friend. To be fair, you've been hearing that a lot since you've been met with Tommy Dasolo. He does comedy. You get to be his friend. So you're there putting duck sandwich into bamboo fish. What about this one? I'm going, what about bitchka sandwich? Oh, fuck. Oh, man.

That happened not quite on that scale But that happened to me That same thing of like Getting in a cab and going like Oh is it okay that it's just me And he's like yeah And then just stopping Just sitting on the side of the road

For like 20 minutes at a time What are you waiting for He's like other people Yeah Oh fuck For those three hour That drive

Yeah There's no booze No So it's just dry three hours Yeah So are you just sobering up Like massively Yes But then it becomes delirium By the end of it Yeah Right right You know Three hours was going so it's just dry three hours yeah so are you just sobering up like massively yes

but then it becomes delirium by the end of it yeah right right three hours it was more than three hours

fuck because we left it after midnight and then we got home like 3, 3, 4 something like that yeah well he questioned it

so I'm doing the same fair enough fair enough not an idea question, yeah. And so did you stay in contact with any of those people? Like, or is it just no Facebook, nothing exchanged? No, no, no. Were people still in the cab when you got out?

Or were you the last ones? No, we were the very last ones. Wow. Which is very funny because Milan's so drunk and so high on life. He was loving it. He was loving being in charge of it. So everyone was so in love with him but then there was this great bit

where two people then were all like singing everyone's going yeah yeah yeah bitch car yeah then two people get out

and every time someone would get out it would be like a real sort of like oh my god thank you for being part of this oh I love you guys please if you enjoyed it tell your friends

it was real Stockholm Syndrome and then at one stage, this couple get out, and Milan just hangs his head out and goes, yeah, fuck off, you idiots. Just to be funny, they turn around and go, oh. I don't know how to really translate. But that is such a rare thing these days, that great shared experience overseas where,

like only on a place at kofan yang could that really happen where it's like you're all just getting out and parting ways and then never seeing each other again yeah every fleeting interaction you have overseas now after about three minutes is like let's be friends on facebook forever look there was a bit of that before that we met a few people on the beach and there was a little bit of that right right the 19 year olds yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's a little bit of that are you friends with them yes oh see now see the more you question it the more it starts to unravel oh milan's friends with his 19 year olds i didn't want to have a part of it hey were you the stripper

all along yeah yeah yeah no i was the i was the adelaide couple that i don't know my own name not uncommon if you're around Milan. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, but that's it. So then because Milan's such a magnet for like whatever, like it was clearly not enough to just be with me. Yeah. That was the thing.

He wants to party every night. So the next night we went into like the little town because I was a bit worried because, you know, Milan wants to party every night. This is a bit of a quiet island. We lucked out in his way to have the full moon party, so there's a million people there. But then the next night we went into the town.

The town's not that big. We're just hunting around for any groups of people or whatever. We end up finding this group of people that live there, a group of Aussies. So there's like three Aussies that live in the town, and so they automatically have to be best mates because they don't want to make any friends with anyone else. So then they're this absolute odd trio of a 27-year-old guy

who's running away from a bad relationship and a sack job, a 50-year-old guy who got divorced and then a 67-year-old guy and so they're just best mates from then on. So pretty much the two of you are basically everything but the 27- old i'm gonna say all three of those guys share uh internet history that's all that's all we're gonna share that's the things they've got in common yeah and you're hitting him up you're like have any of you got a spare room going at the moment totally yeah that that's the whole conversation was we were just because milan was so in love with it by then he

was just like so how much would it cost to buy a house here and what's what's it actually like to live here and you know all this stuff and there's one of the guys that like the 48 year old 50 year old guy he looked like a character in a paul hogan sketch show he had the open open shirt medallions hairy chest with like really wide lapels and we're like man you've been away from Australia for too long. Look, you are just the absolute typical person

who's lived in Thailand for like 20 years and he goes, I spent eight months of the year in Melbourne. No, I reckon there is guys, it happens with all guys

that they dress how, they dress like the time they were having the most amount of sex and that's their style from then on in. Yeah,

right. Until their partner goes, you've got to stop dressing like that. Is that a thing? Yeah, you go to band rooms and there's all these guys. I can't wait to dress up in my scout outfit. I do think it is. I think there's something in that. I know a guy who about seven years or something, a girl or something,

went to a city in America on holiday. What's its name? Wasn't really having much or any sex here. Goes to this city in America and for whatever reason, just over there, he's an absolute hit. He spends like a week there and he's just fucking rocked off. So now he goes to this one American city for a week or two

every year. Because he comes back here and he's like, can't get it going. He's like, time for my fucking yearly... It's like bear bears in hibernation, you know? If it's going to be quiet they just eat for the summer time. And does it keep working when he goes back? Yeah. Oh wow.

No wonder you're not giving away the name of this town. Is the town called Pussy Town? Yeah, no, again, I'm just doing an inventory of like, I'm pretty sure he doesn't listen, but I think some of his friends listen. I just wanted to get back that I've been sharing it. But it doesn't add anything to the story, knowing the city. No, it does for me.

Does it? You want to know what city? Well, I mean, it's want to know what city well just I mean it's interesting to know if there's any actually you know what you know what Dill's on Skyscanner right now

he just needs the name I'll only do it if they have an open mic call that guy for some travel insurance I can tell you the area but I don't remember the city so I'll say it's Texas

it's somewhere in Texas I was not standard chance in Texas with my skin colour are you crazy I forgot for a moment that I'm half Australian half Sri was not standard chance in Texas with my skin colour. Are you crazy? I forgot for a moment that I'm half Australian, half Sri Lankan. No, there's a huge Mexican contingent in Texas. You already look barbecued.

You'll fit in. Fucking hell. But, yeah, that is the fact that he Has committed to it Goes once a year Same time every year And the fact that it That it keeps working Yeah

And it I'm waiting for him To just get too confident And slip up Actually you know You know what Like I was just thinking Like if you're there

Like night one Right And you're in a bar You're talking to a girl And she's like Oh so what brings you to Texas He's probably that confident now That he's able to just go

Well I come here every year because this is a place where I end up having a lot of sex and I bet it works for him if you do it with enough confidence I reckon it still works but isn't that thing

with like the opposite of aversion therapy they show you the thing that you have the most phobias about or whatever so that you go hey you managed to do that

in this simulated situation now take it to real life and this is the opposite of a virgin therapy. You should just do that where he goes, okay, just imagine all of Melbourne is America. Yeah, totally. 100%. Just go and hang out.

There's barbecue places in Melbourne now. I'm sure that the Australian accent buys him a little bit. And also the whole, hey, he's fleeting. He's not permanent here. We can do this one thing and I don't feel bad because it's like a one time thing and I don't normally do that and he's going to be leaving. Wouldn't it be cheaper to just go to a brothel? Yes.

Yes, it would. What's your point? Some people have an aversion to paying for sex workers. But he's also getting The frequent fly points I suppose Yeah totally So there's a bit of that

Unless the brothel Is affiliated with Qantas Yeah if you get points Qantas fly flies Yeah This guy This guy that was living In the 70s

This guy He was like Then he was telling us this story And it was really weird Because he had this Real likeability Of this you know 70s guy with the open Open shirt and whatever He was saying all this Fuck stuff But then he was telling us this story and it was really weird because he had this real likability of this you know 70s guy with the open open shirt whatever he was saying all

this fuck stuff but then it was sort of like oh it's sort of all right coming from him yeah and he was like saying oh you know what all my mates in melbourne are really jealous of me um because of my wife and i'm like oh okay i'll ask why is that and he's like, oh, well, you know, I'm 50, 51, whatever it was. And my wife, she's like 30. It's fucking great. My mates are all complaining and going, oh, you know, it's tough with my wife. And I'm like, I don't speak the same language as my wife. We can't talk at all. And they're like, oh, we're so jealous because we always have arguments.

And I'm like, oh, I don't get to talk about life with my wife. The only thing I can say to my wife is, would you like a beer? Or another saying. And I go, what's the other saying? And he goes, would you like a spirit? They're the two phrases he can say to his wife. That is so grim. But it's still not as grim as leaving a seven-month pregnant wife back

and going to Thailand with Milan. I feel like somehow you're still the bad guy in this story. And they're like, so what about you, mate? Are you married to your partner? Nah, just, you know. Yeah. My story isn't too rough with this guy. Hey, I flew straight back from Thailand to a proper baby moon

with my wife in Queensland. You're a hero. Yes, I flew straight back from Thailand to a proper baby moon with my wife in Queensland. You're a hero. Yes, thank you. Thank you. To have beers with the guy who does your website.

Yes. I did. Hey, she was invited to come. Designated driver. Hey, should we, let's talk about this a bit at the end of the ep

unless you got any more of that? Any more from the trip? No, no, no. That'll do at the moment. We about this a bit at the end of the ep, unless you've got any more of that, any more from the trip? No, no, no, no, that'll do at the moment. Because we should talk a bit more about something we announced last week on the show. Oh, please. This is fresh news. So we have a new little venture coming up.

We have the official Dum Dum Club pop-up shop happening January 11th. Oh, great. Yeah, so we're going to have some merch. We're going to have some exclusive stuff there. Right. Now, you guys are, yeah,'re going to have some merch. We're going to have some exclusive stuff there. Now, you guys are probably two of the biggest fans of the pod. I reckon. We want to have some regulars on the show come down and do a bit of shift work for us,

McHappy Day style, if either of you would be interested. What's the date? What's the date for it? January 11th. Who books this? Well, I'm the store manager. Oh, really? Can you put in a good word?

We're both co-managers of the store. I feel like I might have some items that I can donate to the pop-up shop. Awesome. I feel like... Clothes you've grown out of. I love Maryborough t-shirt that I printed specifically for the Maryborough episode, which is now... Are we turning into like an eBay store?

Well, it's too big for me. I only wore it the one time for that episode, and now it's way too big for me to wear so maybe that can go in one of your exclusive items if anyone wants to have that no so it's like it's it's like an op shop we're not the smith family we're the comedy family right wait now i'm so it's just you just come in and you buy ah okay okay so it's not like you have multiple t-shirts the same like yeah yeah but we want to have some exclusive... So we could... I mean, yeah, we could give it away.

We could give your stuff away. I mean, if you want to take all the profit out of this thing. Yeah, I could find that vacuum cleaner that I stuck my dick in if anyone wants to buy that. Right. Is it the same one that Fiona tried to top herself with? Yeah. No, put them next to each other.

Buy one, get one free. Yeah. Yeah, no, we'd gladly accept your offer. Because you've gotten a bunch of T-shirts printed. Yeah, yeah, put them next to you. Buy one, get one free. Yeah. Yeah, no, we'd gladly accept you all. Because you've got a bunch of T-shirts printed. Yeah, yeah, I did the hello very much one from the Logies one. Yes, yes. Photo of you. Photo of me on the Logies.

I'll bring your Logie down. Yeah, sell that. No, I won't do that. You'll bring your Logie down in case people want to get pictures with you and the Logie? At the pop-up shop? No, I feel like that's where it's going to get lost or something like that. That is a big risk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't do that. I'll do a little zine of all the Christmas songs I've written or all the songs I've written for the podcast. I'll do a little booklet.

Oh, nice one. You could play a song if you want to. No, just bring the book. Do you want to sell the gollywog? I don't even know if we still have it.

I think I've got rid of it. Oh, classic. Yeah, I can buy another one. Get all the use out of it and then just throw it out into the field. I'm going down to, classic. Yeah, I can buy another one. Get all the use out of it and then just toy it out into the field. I'm going down to Tassie soon. I'll buy another one.

What else can you reveal that's on the movie Up for Grubs? I've commissioned my dad, a.k.a. Damien Hegarty, to write an exclusive poem for it that I'm going to print up as a limited edition scene. But we've got free beers. We've got free beers. Free beers. Do you have a sponsor?

Yeah. Yeah. We've got a... Young Henry's. Young a sponsor yeah young Henry's young Henry's beers nice so we want

it because obviously it's not like fucking Meyer it's not huge it's going

to be a small shop so we want it to be like one of those exclusive pop-up shops where you've

got the velvet rope out the front you can only have X amount of people in the shop at one time you've

got people waiting out the front have you got a location yes it's in Collingwood at Dangerfork Studios.

Oh, people are going to start lining up already. And like the Maya windows at Christmas, are you going to do the dum-dum windows? Oh, that's great. You two bumming each other in the window. Sperm everywhere. Oh, damn. Do we have any animatronics wizards that listen to this

that could do that up for us in a quick turnaround? We can get the dolls of us and we can just get some hinges pulling the hip to make them bend over in the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we get, you know, like sometimes those things where they'll do them for like, you know, the rides that you go on at theme parks where they've got licensed characters

and they obviously haven't been able to get the official voice actors to do it. So it's like a bad knock-off job. So we get some people to do a bad voiceover knock-off job of us. You should do that one episode that you never released, have it for sale in a glass, have it as a CD, and then if someone buys it, it just starts getting shredded like Banksy. We got catering by my mum Making duck sandwiches

Really? Yeah that's going to be going around Oh wow Well this is the thing Sorry how does a popper store work? Do you have to buy a ticket for To be able to No no no it's a shop

It's just a shop I love that both your parents are involved Because they're just so happy That you've got a job Yeah I want my dad I'm trying to get my dad To come and do a bunch of stuff in there

He used to make and sell marmalade. Yep. And I want him to come and, I was like, come sell some marmalade. And he's like, I don't do that anymore. What the fuck are you talking about?

You don't do that. Well, remember his doomsday shelf? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In case the apocalypse happens? Yeah. What's happening with that? That's still there. It's still there.

The apocalypse hasn't happened yet, so it's still there. No, I just, have you been checking the news? The end of the world hasn't happened. Dude, the fat fuck will never die just in someone's bomb shelter

like casing it out going, are you going to finish this? I mean, I think climate change is a myth. Nothing's happening. Can I have these beans? I can't have beans

on non-jib day so that's why I wanted it. But so, yeah, Dad was... Because, yeah, I was like, oh, this will be fun come down

just have a couple of jars of marmalade and sell them at it that'll be funny alongside the porno and he's like oh yeah I don't do that anymore

like he's a retired secret agent and I go what are you talking about you don't do it he's like it's health code stuff you have to get it

you can't sell that sort of stuff anymore I stopped doing it because you have to get it lab tested and you have to say all the ingredients that are in it and I've got a secret ingredient that I'll use to reveal. And so I said to him, if I can work out a loophole where you can do it,

where you can come and do it, will you do it? And he's like, yes, I will, but I absolutely am never giving up my secret ingredient. Even though we've never talked about your dad's marmalade on the show, we don't really need to do this. There's no great demand for... If anyone's listening, if they know a loophole, then what I was thinking is maybe with the pornos,

maybe it comes free with the porno. Oh, yeah, that's what you want free with a porno. Marmalade. Weird jam in a jar. With a secret ingredient. Spermalade. You do have some lawyers who are listeners. Maybe they can help you out,

figure out if there's any actual legal issues there. I think if you want to do us a favour, just tell us that that's absolutely not legal. We can't do it. I want to try this marmalade with the secret recipe. Go around to his house. He'll get invited around. Can I come to his shop? He'll make some secret recipe. Go around his house. He'll get invited around. Can I come to a shop?

He'll make some for you. He's just worried about selling it. But that would be my dad getting arrested on a health code violation. It's something that happened on his son's podcast. While he's getting dragged out, outside the window, there's two puppets fucking each other. It's my son's podcast. You can't kick me out yet.

I haven't read out my porno yet. Think you're about to get an inspiration for the next one in prison, Mr. Olsen. Health code prison. Attica! Attica! And someone else. You mightn't get any marmalade, but you've got to get some jam, something. Oh, it's funny because it's my dad. Oh, my God.

But, yeah, we need to... we do – yeah, we have – I think we've got a lot of good ideas, but, yeah, we're always happy to solicit some more. What else could be in terms of the listeners, some, like, special content that's been revealed? I feel like I'm trying to think. Some good exclusives to get people. Yeah.

Stuff that you can't get anywhere else. Oh, look, I think we had everyone at Free Beer. But anyway. Yeah, true, true. But you want them to, you know, get in and buy stuff. And it's just the experience of coming down and hanging out with the dumb, dumb guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like they do live shows every April or anything like that.

Yeah, yeah. Deal, come on. This is how we get out of the podcast. If this goes well, then we become shopkeepers. We're like, yeah, we're the opposite of everyone else. We want to get out of show business and into retail. I love that if it goes so well that we open up a permanent bricks and mortar store, but then we stop doing the podcast,

but then it's a merchandise store for a podcast that doesn't exist. We find out that Officeworks actually started out as a podcast. And they just got into stationery and it was like, this is way safer. There is an Officeworks podcast. What? Yeah, you can look it up. There's an Officeworks podcast. What? Yeah, you can look it up. There's an Officeworks podcast. What?

What do they talk about? Paperclips. Their sales and what you can do with their stuff. I've seen signs of that. Like, Chemist Warehouse will have like a big ad.

Yeah. It's like, come in and these are the DJs. These are the DJs for Chemist Warehouse. The DJs at Culture Kings, that is the saddest job. Like,

in the middle of the day, like 12 to 3, just people trying to buy hats. Paper cuts by Officeworks. There you go. What the fuck? And I'm so needy. I'm like, how can I get on that?

Wow, they've done. Oh, they've only. No, wait. How long has it been going for? Oh, it's only just started. Yeah. Right. Okay.

Wait. So on August the 8th, they put up a trailer. And on the 13th of August, they put up an episode. They also put up a trailer and on the 13th of August they put up an episode. They also put up a trailer. Two, three, four, five. They put up five episodes all on August 13

and then they've done nothing since. How sad are you if you listen to the trailer first before you realise if you're into the Officeworks podcast? I can't wait to Netflix

binge the Officeworks podcast. A new small business podcast called Paper Cuts brought to you by Officeworks. Ah, okay. I get it. If I still have a business. Hey, I'm on this.

So you've got Dum Dum Club, filthy casuals and Paper Cuts. Dan, we've got to see if we can get on the Officeworks podcast to plug our pop-up show.

Yeah, and change it to Paper Cunts. How many hosts are on that? I'll try and get them on mine.

I need four every week. Let's see if we can get paper cuts to the Coastal Million International Podcast Festival.

That would be pretty good. So you go from dollop to paper cuts. To paper cuts. Fucking hell. Just someone on a

beach on the other side of the world talking about paper clips. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Do you guys have staples over here?

Yeah. Not really? Oh, fuck. Got ping pong balls. Well, guys, we've got to wrap it up for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Josh Ewell, Dilwar Jai Singha, thank you very much for joining us.

Pleasure. Thank you so much for having us. If I can quickly plug my comedy festival, please. Absolutely not. I'm about to throw to both of you. It looked like you were wrapping up. Yeah, comedy festival is a show called Cheat Days, which is going to be in Melbourne, Canberra, Perth and Sydney,

maybe some other towns soon, but comedy.com.au to find out. And also Fitbit Pod, which all three of you have been listeners on. It's about me and Ben Lomas. We've been a listener on your podcast, haven't we? We've been guests. We've also spoken. We've listened and spoken. It's about me and Ben Lomas. We've been a listener on your podcast, haven't we? We've been guests. Yeah. We've also spoken. We've listened and spoken.

Have you spoken? Yeah, yeah, I did. Oh, I should listen to that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, do listen to that. It's hosted by two of the great social media users of Melbourne Comedy. Yep. The best.

Look, me and Tommy would love to follow Fitbit on Instagram, but unfortunately we've been blocked from that account. You've both been banned from the account. We've been blocked from the podcast. I banned the both of them. I was only going to ban Carl, but then Tommy piled on as well. I'm like, alright, you're gone too.

Why did we get blocked? What happened? You brought the wrong vibe to that pod. We were making fun of you about posting all your food on that account, but then lucky for us, you started doing that on your personal account. So we haven't had to miss out on any of that scintillating content. I tried to give the podcast some content by saying you should have a boxing match. Yes.

And it made Ben's wife cry. Oh, what? It made Ben's wife cry? Yeah, he went home. I didn't hear about this. He went home and said, oh, Josh has come up with a great idea of a boxing match. She started crying and go, why would you put the podcast ahead of your family?

Deal's going to hire someone to train him really good and he's going to beat you up. Oh my God. He hasn't told me this yet. Oh, well. Oh, wow. You're in for a treat. So I love it.

That's such a sad thing. I mean, she trusts my process more than me. Because I'm like, he will kill me. Because he's already really angry that he lost $1,000 to me. Spoiler alert if anyone knew. So he's waiting for an excuse to hit me. So you're just giving him reasons. I love this.

Josh, you posted it in the Fit group for this podcast. And so you said, what about this? This would be a great idea to keep it going. And then all these listeners of this are commenting going, oh, that sounds great. That'd be so fun. Yeah, it'd be so... It's like 10 comments. And then just deal.

Yeah. No. Yeah. It's just never going to happen. What about then sumo suits? Get in sumo suits and have a... Oh, okay. Maybe.

Three minutes. Three rounds, three minutes. Right. That's a bit more friendly. Sumo suits. Sumo suits. Sumo suits. You can't not have a panseco sumui.

Can't wait to go see that sumui recipe. What were we going to say about sumus, sir? Put your old clothes back on. Yeah, yeah. On top of the sumus. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, exactly.

Actually, that's actually not a bad idea. There'll be a legitimate list of outfits that me and Ben would have had that fits that. But yeah, I'll do that. My thing is, yeah, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to get hit. Like, look at this.

I only just got this pretty face. Let me hang on to it for a bit longer. Ronnie Chang messaged me the other day to go, oh, I'm going to come back to Melbourne. I think I might do

an MMA competition between comedians. What do you think? I'm like, Carl's doing the eyes, by the way. Like, you surprisingly sound insane. Yeah. It's Ronnie, so he's doing the eyes, by the way. Like, you surprisingly sound insane.

It's Ronnie, so he's doing the eyes, not making any eye contact. He wants to do MMA. Well, look, there are people who I think would be up for that. Like him, KB, Cody. Blakey. Blakey, Brett Blake, for sure. Coming from Ronnie, it's not like a fun thing. It's not like, oh, let's have a soccer match.

Let's have a tennis tournament. He just wants to kill people. Yeah. He's actually a crazy rich Asian. Yeah. He's just crazy. Yeah. And rich.

Yeah. It's crazy, comma, rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you think you take it too seriously? Are you playing indoor soccer this Sunday? I am not playing indoor soccer this Sunday. I am not playing indoor soccer this Sunday. I am going to sit one out. Why is that, Carl?

I was told by the venue to save myself for the week after. Wasn't it contact off the ball or rough play off the ball? No, you didn't. I got a red card. That means you did a really good job, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red's a great colour. Yeah, yeah.

It's like a star. Stop being so good. No, I got sent off for the comedian's theme, Greg Larson's Rat World. I got sent off last week. What did you do? It said contact off the ball. It wasn't off the ball.

What happened was... Look, see that bruise on your... Oh, my God. That's huge. That's what you did to yourself because you were so angry? Yeah, your bicep has become blackface. Yeah, look, see that bruise on your face? Oh, my God. That's huge. That's what you did to yourself because you were so angry? Yeah, your bicep has become blackface. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's become like Josh's play toys. My bicep's doing the eyes. So I got pushed by this guy into a wall, into like a corner, like a corner like that. And I was like going towards it going, fuck, I'm going to get fucked up here. And then bang. And so then I got really mad and I just waited for that guy to then get the ball so I had an

excuse to absolutely run through this cunt and so in the court of law this was premeditated so manslaughter is off the table yeah

this is you defending yourself yeah yeah yeah keep going no but the accusation was it was off the ball it wasn't off the

ball he had the ball you deliberately wanted to kill him yes right but he had the ball so it was fair in some world. So what did you do?

Just hip and shoulder? I just ran at him and then he sort of went to go me back and then I went him harder and then the ref was like alright well that's you're off there.

How old is this guy? 14. No, no, no. He'd be 30. Okay, that's right. You met him at a full moon party. Yeah.

You know what I just realised and we are wrapping up, so maybe this is going to extend it by too long, but I just had this realisation. Carl on the sidelines of a kid's sports match. Oh, my God. The dad on the sidelines. How good is that going to be?

I'm not too bad on the sidelines. I'm better on the sidelines than on the field. If it's your own kid, though, and there's other kids who are going near your kid, you're going to get very protective. All right, maybe. Yeah, all right. That's fair.

So maybe. What is it? Possum. Wow. Possum just walked by. All right. That'll do. Possum tie.

Josh. Yeah? No, I was just going to say. On the sidelines, I am supportive to our soccer team. I'm good on the sidelines. Right. So you'll be great next week, that means. Yeah.

Yeah. Are you going to go support? No. Isn't that what you should be doing? I know you got sent off, but still, you've got to be there for the team, right? That's too far away. It's not on the right side of the city.

I have to go for a fair way to go to the match. So maybe then play nice next time. I'll take it. There should be red cards in comedy. If there was, how many would you have gotten by now? Oh, yeah. Trying out new material. I wouldn't survive the five minutes.

How many would he give out? Not even trying out new material. When you're introducing an MC of your comedy night, you'd probably get a red card. No. All right, you can't shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. Red card.

Josh, what have you got? My Melbourne Comedy Festival show, Josh Earl Talks, is on sale now. Go to joshearl.com.au for tickets. And also my podcast, Don't You Know Who I Am, out every Thursday. Give it a listen. You guys are on the latest episode. Yeah.

Give that a listen. It was a lot of fun. Good fun. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. Oh, these guys really listen. And here we are,

one of the final Talking Dumb Dumbs for the year. For 2018. For 2018. My name is Tommy Dasolo. This is Carl Chandler with me. And any thoughts? My thought is maybe we've, I guess we've done it again. Hmm.

That's an interesting take. Right. I've got to say I didn't expect that to come from you. Oh, right. What did you think? I mean, jeez, I thought a sentence that didn't contain the words they've done it or again in it. Oh, right. So anything else.

I'm bamboozled by this. Anything else you expected. Literally anything else. They're the last four words you thought would come out of my mouth. It would have been a tricky one for you to keep out of a sentence, but that's just what I was expecting. And, you know, I'm on the back foot now. I'm glad I am keeping it fresh.

You know, we've been in this relationship for quite a while. We really have. It's good that we can still surprise each other. Yeah. Keep the magic. Keep it fresh. Yeah. Keep it still unpredictable in the bedroom.

Some new tricks. Yeah. Yeah. We're close to the bedroom. We really are. That's the great thing that I've always said about this apartment. You're never too far from the bedroom. Right.

You're never more than a hop, skip and a jump from the old boudoir. Is that what you say when you bring someone home for the first time? As soon as you walk in the door, we're not too far from the bedroom. Yep. Hey, mum, as you'll notice, the bed, the old workbench is right over there. But yes, good fun on this one with those two boys. That is an unusual thing to say. I mean, I know it's just a nickname, it's a joke,

but to say the workbench, it does imply that you're getting paid for it. It does imply that you're getting paid for it. It implies that you're not having fun while doing it. Yeah. It implies that... You're doing it for eight hours a day. You're doing it for eight hours a day,

that there's a kind of labour there. Yeah. You know, that you're not... Yeah, that... They're in the middle. They're also working, because there are some lazy lovers out there, you know, that you're, that you're not, that, yeah, that, that, that, that, that in the middle working because there are some lazy lovers out there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like I like to,

you know, I'm not a big fan of being up on top. I like to be on my back. I like a bit of relaxing while I'm in there. Right. I wouldn't call that work. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. It's, it's, you know, and I'm certainly bringing something to the table. Yeah. I'm not slacking off down there. Right.

But you know, I, I like to be in a position where, you know, the girl is doing most of the work. Right. Because I'm certainly bringing something to the table. I'm not slacking off down there. But I like to be in a position where the girl is doing most of the work because I'm a feminist. Okay, right. Again, surprising stuff. Now you're surprising me. I didn't know anything about this. They've done it again.

Wow. Just when you think you know someone. Exactly. They pull out a rabbit out of the hat like that. Then you find out that you're on the... All these years I thought you were on top. Is it really that surprising to you to find out that I'm too lazy to be on top? You know what?

This might be the thing that surprises you now. I've never thought about it before. You and I fuck one night and I'm like, can you get on top? And you're like, typical. I fucking knew it. Yeah. Of course. What a surprise and I'm like, can you get on top? And you're like, typical. I fucking knew it. Yeah. Of course. What a surprise.

I'm doing all the work. Great. Getting roasted because of your choice of position has to be pretty brutal. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

it's good to know. And it's good for people out there to know. I remembered this the other day. I was telling someone about this when I moved into my house before this. The first night i moved in

nothing had been connected yet so no power and no water and i went out to a friend's birthday and i picked up a girl and i said do you want to come back to mine and she said uh yes and then i said wow and but then i had to go like i quickly remembered the situation and i was like i actually can we go to yours because i have no power or water at my house yet. And she goes, oh, actually, don't worry about it. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Because I realised, like, I hadn't given her any of the context

of why I didn't have electricity or water. Like, I'd left out that I'd just moved in and it hadn't been connected yet. Right. But, yeah, pay your bills, guys. Keep things on. It's, look, good for her. If you would have said the opposite, I would have been like,

I don't know about this girl. Already, you know, she's coming home. You're giving her the least expectations. Like I feel bad for her self-esteem if she's putting up with shit like that. I'm leading her into the bedroom with a torch. Yeah. Then you're going, then you're jumping on the bed and going, I'm on the bottom. And then afterwards she's like... Then you're going, then you're jumping on the bed and going, I'm on the bottom.

And then afterwards she's like... Dibs on bottom. Which way to the bathroom? I'm like, look, I'll tell you this now. There's no point you going in there. There's nothing for you. There is no running water.

Yeah. There's no toilet paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just go down to McDonald's every day to do it. Yeah. So... Look, time to come clean.

I'm a squatter. Yeah. I actually don't live here at all. Fuck. Oh, time to come clean. I'm a squatter. Yeah. I actually don't live here at all. Fuck. Oh, interesting. All right. What's good to know that you're getting out and about and you're meeting new people out there?

Yeah. Did you hear the start of that story? That's three years ago. Oh, three years ago? That's my old place. Oh, I thought you meant this place. No, no, no. That was my old place.

Because this is a place that recently we came in and there was nothing going on here. You didn't have any cups or anything. I just thought it was the same here. See, I've moved up in the world. In terms of the electricity and water situation, it was all connected when I moved here. Oh, what have you done? Nothing for the ladies to drink out of.

Nothing for them to sit on for a very long time. Boy, howdy. Up to the fuck and they could go wash their face in the sink. I was going to say, I thought there was something for them to sit on since you're on the bottom, but yeah. Sexual Fonzie. Hey, sit on it. Porno Fonzie.

Happy days to the porno. Great. That's pretty funny. Yeah, surely that exists. I'd say there's multiple ones of that that exist. Yeah, yeah. Well, anyway, thanks for keeping us updated on your, in the, well, not recent, your recent sexual escapades.

Again, it's not an update. It's three years ago. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for letting us into the history of your sexual life. Yeah, I'm always too anxious to talk about that stuff at the time because I feel like the person will hear and I'll get in trouble. So it's like the statute of limitations has to be up. So in three years time, you can hear about the dismal lack of fucking from this year

from me. Right, right, right, right. Okay. Well, I'll finally be ready to talk about it because at the moment, I don't want to get in trouble from all those no people. So is that the rule? Is it three years, you're allowed to open the vault? Yeah, exactly.

So in a couple of weeks, we're going to hear about all the action you got on New Year's Eve 2015. Exactly. The suppression order and my dick will finally be up. Great. Because that's like, you know, what's the rule? Is it like 30 years or 40 years or something where they open the stuff from like government and we find out that Gough Whitlam fucking jerked off at his prime minister desk or whatever it is. As soon as he gets found dick in hand, it gets put in the record.

Right. And they're like, no one can find out about this for 30 years. Right. And then we all get that great day where we're all counting down, where we know it's like, guys, only one week until we get to find out about Gough Whitlam jacking his dick. Yeah, not long until we get to find out about Tommy Daslow jacking his dick at New Year's Eve 2015. Another set of fireworks going off, as it were. I'm trying to think what, yeah, a lot of scared dogs, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I was going to try and think, what did I do New Year's Eve 2015? Who cares? Well, you can't talk about it yet, can you? I can't, yeah, but I need to be ready for what I do. I want to get it loaded up on the top of the dome. Yeah, yeah. Don't talk about it out loud now. Leave it.

Unless you've got some cool stories about some stuff you did a couple of weeks before Christmas in 2015. Hmm. It's pretty memorable. I mean, that probably is right around the time of moving into that house. All right. So the electricity was on by this point. Can you think of any cool stories where you were like, shit, I should go Christmas shopping, but I've got to do a big fuck first?

Yeah, probably. That is... I mean, I hate Christmas shopping, so I would prioritize fucking over... Oh, wow. Big call. Big, big call. Hypothetical. What would you rather do?

Do a big fuck or go Christmas shopping? I'm looking forward to my Christmas shopping. Rooting or Chadston? Rooting or Chadston. I do like Chadston. I do too. I haven't been there for eight. We went there recently.

Chadston Shopping Centre. Yeah, we went there recently to do something for this. Yes. For the pod. To meet Matthew Delevadova. To meet Matthew De La Vadova. To meet Matthew De La Vadova. We went with Dave Thornton. And they've done a lot of work to it.

I hadn't been there in quite a long time. And you know what? I've always loved Chadston. And I've got to say, it's gotten even better. Yeah. Wow, what a great ad for the Westfields Shopping Corporation or whatever the fuck they are. Is it Westfields? I always thought it was independent.

Maybe it is. Is it an indie? It always thought it was independent. Maybe it is. Is it an indie? It's an indie, yeah. Oh, that's so cool. That's the only reason I go there. Oh, right, right, right. It's a real art house shopping centre. It's a real art house shopping centre that goes for four kilometres.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, support your independence, guys. Don't let the big multinationals take over. It's the IGA of shopping centres, of retailers. It's a real mom and pop, huge corporation fucking shopping centre. I might do, you know what I like doing this time of year? I like going out there at like midnight because it's 24-hour trading. I think it's fun to just go out and kind of hang out.

Pick me up on the way. I'll come. Yeah, do you want to do it? Yeah, I'll do it. Okay. I like that shit. I mean, I've never done it, so I've always wanted to do it. I like that shit that I've never done.

Well, I like the idea of it. Would you go to actually get stuff, though? Because I sort of go out there. You can't be too invested in it. Like, if you're leaving all your shopping to doing that, you actually have a bad time. Yeah. If you just kind of want to go walk around and just kind of soak in the chaos

and watch people absolutely losing their fucking minds over how they've left it all to the last minute. Yeah. Everything's sold out that they want and they're just realizing that they are fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gift vouchers galore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. You know what?

We generally do a bit of a... It's not as romantic or whatever it is but we generally do a bit of Boxing Day sales and just go well let's just go do the gifts then let's go together shop together

and then just get stuff heaps cheaper and we literally go through and just you know can buy each other whatever we want then because we're going together

oh that's good because we're not because also neither of us are working on Boxing Day so it's like cool we can go together and go do you want this

I'll get you know oh I want this I'll get you that yeah neither of you work on Boxing Day. So it's like, cool, we can go together and go, do you want this? I'll get, you know, oh, I want this. I'll get you that. Yeah. Neither of you work on Boxing Day? No. You're one of those rare couples. Well, I'm saying.

Wait, doesn't your wife work at Surf, Dive and Ski? No, no, no, no. She doesn't work at the fucking information counter at Meijer. No. Well, that's, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to put out an exclusive. I'm just saying, well, obviously, that's the only time we can shop together. That's the fun day to do it.

Yeah. Do you know what you're going to get your wife? Have you thought about it? No. Okay. Because I presume we're spending a lot of money on another third wheel. So I presume we're probably both going to spend a lot of money on that sort of thing. Okay.

That sort of thing. Wow. Yeah. That genre. This is making me very clucky just hearing the way that you're of thing. Okay. That sort of thing. Wow. Yeah. That genre. That's going to be very clucky just hearing the way that you're describing your future child. That genre of thing. Yeah.

So, we'll probably do a little bit of like a small thing, maybe each or whatever. My parents have both expressed interest in going to events in the new year. Oh, nothing specific, just the genre of events. Well, my mom loves going to the tennis every year and my dad wants to go see the illusionists at crown so i'm like bang ticketmaster matches pick a date i'll go with them yeah easy heaven my parents are the worst with that stuff because it's like they don't care about anything they're just like oh yeah sit in the farm yeah oh cool well i'll. Well, I'll get you nothing. Typically mine,

they keep it pretty close to the vest, but I got lucky this year because usually I buy stuff to try and, I've talked about this before, but like try and enrich their lives, kind of bring something new in and then I'll walk past a room in their house where it's just all there,

still in the box, unopened. Yeah. An absolute waste of time, energy and money. Yeah. I like that saying that you've just brought up there.

They keep it pretty close to the vest. Is that an... I thought it was close to the chest. I think it can be either. I'm pretty sure it's... I've never heard that before. You've never heard close to the vest? Is that how magicians use that saying?

Is that their form of... Keep it close to the vest. Close to the chest? I'm going to put it out there and say that's not a saying. I think it... i swear i've heard it said like that before i've never heard that before close to the you're an absolute liar urban dictionary close to the vest keeping something secret to hold something close so no one else can see it though it was just a friendly game of go fish henry kept his cards close to the vest not

letting anyone else see which cards he held fuck but. But I'm sure you can say it either way. Did you enter that? Oh, hey, an etymology. Is it close to the chest or close to the vest? Either one is fine. Close to the vest has a more British feel to me, but I've heard both in the US. Fuck. I can't believe this.

I did some research and it appears that the vest usage is more American. Note that my original statement of British feel was admittedly idiosyncratic. Fucking hell, some guy's done a graph about this. I am... We're both right. I am very surprised anyone more than you has ever said that saying, ever. That makes sense because where I first heard it said

was on an American podcast, is where I heard that phrase. Okay, all right. Well, I guess... You know what? I'm not going to accept it. It was on Serial. She was like, I know who killed her, but I'm going to keep it close to the

vest for 12 episodes. Jeez. All right. Hey, thanks to everyone who subscribes to us on Patreon. Yeah. No more. That's it? Yeah, that's it, I think.

Okay. That's all we really need to say. Well, that sums everything up, doesn't it? Do we get... I meant to ask this last year and I never heard anything back from the

accounts department but you know we're doing this show we don't take breaks off you know does that mean come Patreon

payment time do we get penalty rates for this next week good question good question well I guess we really should

guys up your donation by just like a couple of dollars for this month. I guess if we were recording on Christmas Day, that would be a thing. Yeah, but I mean we're recording today. Yeah, but that's not a holiday. We're doing a show on the Sunday, but that's not a holiday.

Yeah, so we don't. But I'll have to sit there and upload the episode on Christmas Day. Will you? Yeah, it's Tuesday. Yeah? Yeah. But you'll upload it on Wednesday. Well, Tuesday or Wednesday.

They're both. Oh, right. Okay, so Boxing Day. Well, no. Boxing Day is the Wednesday. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, okay. But that's still a holiday.

Yeah, it's still a holiday. So even if I'm doing that, damn. I've got some sweet overtime coming my way. We'll look into it. What happened to – we didn't talk about when I made that website for you on the Perth Live podcast and people started chucking you money during the live show. Yeah.

Did you get much after that when people listened? You know what? No. Oh, really? Great. Funny. I think maybe over the last, what has it been, two or three weeks that Ebb has been out, I think every couple of days I'll get 69 cents from someone.

Oh, that's something. Oh, it's not. Look at all that's up, guys. get 69 cents from someone. Oh, that's something. Oh, it's not. Look at all that's up, guys. To me being able to keep the electricity on here and then no woman will ever have an excuse to turn me down.

Yeah. But, yeah, the day the episode went up, I went, oh, this, I thought, oh, this will be interesting because it's going out to a large, but it's absolutely not as funny if you're just doing it into the void. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, not able to directly hear back from me. Doing it at a show was, you know, I can see why people did that. That girl that knocked you back just because you didn't have running water

and electricity, did you ever see her again and sort of go, guess what, honey, power's on? No comment. The suppression order's not up on that one yet. All right. Okay, okay. Fair enough. I can't ask anything more than that.

She worked for Origin Energy. It's like, can you come round? Please come round and sort me out. Oh, she sorted you out twice. Nice. All right. Fuck. I've got to change my provider.

Hey, sweetheart, how about you come get me on the grid? How about you come and flick my switch? I've got a meter that needs reading. All right, all right. How about you come and sit on my tap? But yes, thank you to everyone speaking of that who gave generously over the holiday season of the TommyDassolo.com.au, the unofficial Tommyassolo.com.au the unofficial

Tommy Dassolo fan site. Also, thank you to everyone over the years who's fucked Tommy Dassolo, who's come around and had sex with Tommy Dassolo. Sure.

Yeah. I'm thankful. Yeah, totally. I'm grateful. Yeah. I'm grateful for any and all attention that I receive.

Yep. Well done. Good on you. Good on you for helping half the show like that. Good on you for helping out half the show like that. I'm thankful. I'm your friend.

I'm like good for someone doing something good for you. I just always think like imagine the world where you and I are both single while doing this show. Don't worry. I imagine it. I know you imagine it a lot. No, I'm not supposed to say a lot. But just like what a fucking world that would be to live in. Like, how fucking weird would it be?

Yeah. And there would have been, I reckon there would have, if we were both very single men who were very actively engaging in pursuing, like, people after shows and whatever, there definitely would have been times where we'd like fought over girls or whatever. Do you know what I mean? We definitely would have gotten into like arguments about like one of us being interested in someone

and then it not working out and then them hooking up with the other one. There is absolutely no doubt. This would just be a completely different show. As of about three years in, there's like a divergent path where like every week is us arguing over a girl that we've both tried to hook up with right yeah look that that is weird that that is i have seen

yeah little bits and pieces where say look i don't know whether this is a cool thing or not but you know when we've been at live shows and we've had guests there and sometimes people that listen to the show have expressed romantic uh requests of guests or maybe one of the hosts or whatever and there's been moments like that where maybe a listener has chosen one person over another and i'm like fuck it's just so funny yeah that is totally yeah to go yeah and in your example right there that would be funny so i know you have no thanks chando i'm more of a dazzling man yeah yeah you in the back of your To go, yeah. In your example right there, that would be funny. No thanks, Chando. I'm more of a Dassault man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You in the back of your head have a bit of a like,

what if I was a single man? But if you had to deal with it, you're lucky that you don't have to deal with that. Right, yeah. That would be a fucking nightmare. To be at a live show and to get knocked back for Dilrub. That would be rough. Yeah, yeah.

You and Milan going head to head. Yeah. Trying to pick up. Yeah. Yeah. What a That would be rough. You and Milan going head to head. Yep. Trying to pick up. Yep. Yeah. What a world. Very weird. Having said that.

Very sex focused talking dum-dum. Yeah. You know why? Because your bed is in my eye line. I think that's it. I think that's why. But my bed is always in your eye line when we record here. I've never noticed that before.

Really? Yeah. So you thought I was just sleeping on the floor in there? Yeah. Yeah. I just always presumed that. Yeah. I thought, you know, was just sleeping on the floor in there? Yeah. Yeah, I just always presumed that. Yeah. I thought, you know, you hadn't got the power on, you hadn't got the water on,

hadn't got the bed on. Not saying this place is huge, but the picture we paint when we talk about my apartment makes it sound like it is about one square metre. No, no, it's good. It's actually good. Yeah. Is it technically a studio apartment? It's not.

I don't know if you know. That's a door. Yeah, right, right, right. So, I mean, it is, but it's... You have the door open most of the time, so it does look like one whole thing, but it's not. Someone the other day was in here and said something about it being a studio or something about...

No, that's... Dave Thornton was changing clothes after the ep we did. Right. And he just started taking his pants off in the middle of my living room. Yeah. He's just like, oh, sorry guys,

there's nowhere else to do this. I'm like, that's a room. That's a room behind you with a door that you can close. And it leads into other rooms. Yes. Like called bathrooms where you do that stuff. Yes.

He just started getting his kid off in front of it, which you know what? I was thankful for the view. Yeah. Oh, was it nice? Yeah. Oh, great. Speaking of being thankful.

Yes. Thank you once again for the second time in this episode of Talking Dumb Dumb. Two people who subscribe to us on Patreon. This time I'll elaborate. We give out, if you sign up, we'll do bonus stuff. Like give you bonus episodes, bonus magazines. You really got to check out that magazine that we put a lot of work into. It's quite a publication

yeah this month's one's looking pretty good yeah I think yes I agree you've done some sterling illustrations

it's one of my favourite parts of the little dum dum club magazine is it now yeah oh that's cool one of my favourite

apart from the ads my ads are the favourite your ads that you put in just the ads that are in there the ads that are are the favorite your ads that you put in just the ads that are in there the ads that are in there yeah for stuff that we're doing yes okay that's your favorite bit yeah i can see why i mean i like that bit because i read it i'm like oh that's right a thing that we're doing that's gonna earn us money yeah that's good yeah i just like retail you know right right right just like looking at you know i grew up at the back of shops yeah just

i'm just looking at stuff going, that looks cool. But still you choose to take Boxing Day off. I look at that stuff. I look at the pictures of the T-shirt in the magazine. I go, that looks cool. That reminds me of the fucking 700 of them I have in my spare room. That's right. I've got to figure out where to put because there's going to be a fucking certain baby in there soon.

That's interesting. Maybe the baby can sleep on that. That's an interesting dilemma. I might go to Maryborough for the Boxing Day sales this year. Oh, yeah? Just head down the main street. Is that a place to pick up some sweet bargains? Discounted gollywogs from the newsagent?

Yeah. Go into Target Country and see what they've got in there? I literally have done that once. That would be pretty great. Turn up and you're like queuing for when the doors open. I actually did that because we used to, I think we're going there for Christmas this year. You think? Yeah.

Okay. Because it always moves around a bit. Okay. And I think, well, put it this way. So my parents have a beach house. So it's, I go and see them. And if they decide it's going to be down the beach, then we go down the beach.

If they decide it's in Mirabar, we go up there. So I think if it's going to be stinking hot, then we go down the beach. If they decide it's in Maribor, we go up there. Okay. So I think if it's going to be stinking hot, we go down the beach. Praying for the beach. Yeah. Well, I haven't been to Maribor since... You nearly fell off your chair there. Yeah.

I haven't been to Maribor since we did the live show there. Right. Which is nearly a year ago. Yeah, yeah. And I didn't stay with my parents then. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, you slept out the back of a bakery yes

i'm gonna be um i'm gonna be out uh gibbsland way for christmas for a couple of for a day before and a day after christmas and i know that there are one or two listeners down there who've contacted me in the past right so christmas eve and then then Boxing Day, Christmas night as well. I'm out and about, baby. Wow. If those people still listen and if they're on this on time, hit me up

and we'll go for a beer at the Fish Creek pub or something. Yeah, great. Yeah. In Gippsland. Yeah, it's like out past Gippsland. Right.

Out past that. Wow, nice. All right. Hey, look, we've got to get into this. We've got to do this, yeah. Thanks to everyone who subscribes. What we do is we try and get around to thanking everyone at some stage that subscribes.

And what we do is the only completely fair thing you could do, which is to load everyone's name into a machine, into a computer, into a program called the Unplanned Title Alternator, uh into a program called down plan title alternator uh which spits out absolutely random names and uh we read them out uh absolutely randomly there's no rhyme or reason to this no some of it makes no sense at all yeah we're slaves to the machine sometimes towards the end of this it makes little to no sense um so interesting i've never noticed that yeah just a thing i picked up over the last two weeks. Okay. So, we don't have heaps of time, so let's cut down on the 30 to 40 we usually do and keep it under half a dozen, I reckon, this week

because I actually really need to go to a gig. So, let's kick off with... Let's start with number one this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Billy Frendo. That is a real name. I see what you're saying. These do tend to get a bit weird sometimes. Frendo.

God, I hope that's real. Fuck, me too. I'll be severely disappointed if this is someone having a laugh. Yeah, it's one of the better names we've ever had on here, I have to say. For sure. 100%. Yeah. But the thing is, if it's a fake name, it's shit ass.

You know what I mean? You can come up with any name that you want and you're choosing Billy Frendo. Yeah. You know, instead of... Oh, hang on, hang on. What have you got? I've checked his... Cross-referenced it.

Yeah, I'm cross-referencing it. What comes up is I get his email address. Yeah. So then you get to see whether that's really their name or not i guess you know it's a good way of checking yeah yeah sure so their email address has their actual name which is so it's not it's not billy friend no it's their real name is william friend their real name is bill friendo so look too good to be true yeah be careful what you wish for folks yeah billy friendo look, too good to be true. Yeah. Be careful what you wish for, folks. Yeah.

Billy Frendo. Look, I'm happy to let him get away with Billy. All right. Okay. Bill Frendo. All right. Billy Frendo. Right.

I'm looking up. So, look, I love the name. So, if that is his real name. I'm a big fan too. It's great. Yeah. And I'm looking up his email address now and where he works and it is very interesting. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, am I allowed to give out this info? I'm not going to say the company, but I get to say sort of vaguely where he's worked, what sort of field. Give a vague profession. Yeah. Yeah. He, and this may be a thing that you've looked up.

I don't know whether you've done this before. But I believe he works within a bit of the old, when you chuck the fucking hoses on your face and learn that your snoring is fucking up your life and all that stuff. Oh, he works at a sleep clinic. Well, something like that. In that realm. Yeah. What did you say?

You chuck the hoses on your face? I thought just by you saying that, I thought you were going to say it's a spray tan centre. No, no, no, no, no. Well, the picture that comes up is a bloke in bed with one of those hoses on his face. Okay. Yeah.

Right. So like he sells sleep apnea machines or something or he does like the testing for it? I don't know. Well, for someone who didn't want to get very specific, now you're asking me to get specific. I'm dragged into this now. He's in that world.

He's in that realm of sleep. Billy Frendo. He's the Sandman. Isn't that good when you walk in and your snoring is ruining your life, you're not getting any sleep, your partner is absolutely furious and you're walking and you're out of your mind with tiredness and then you're greeted by Billy Frendo who's going to fix everything. Frendo, yeah.

Billy Frendo. Yeah. I already feel better. I think you can barely say that name without smiling. Exactly. It's one of the most upbeat names I think I've ever encountered. It is good. It's the feel-good hit of the year. Yeah. Billy Frendo.

Fuck. I feel like I wish he would subscribe every week now so we just get to say that name every week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Billy Frendo. Billy Frendo of the show. Maybe we could have the last name every week is now the Billy Frendo Memorial Corner. He's still with us.

Maybe. But it's just us remembering how – it's the memorial bit is us remembering how fun it is to say Billy Frendo. Should we park this name so that we can come back to it when we do the best ofs, when we do a best of episode? Oh, yeah, the best of. And it's just five Billy Frendos. No, we can do five – the best five names, when we do a best of episode. Oh, yeah, the best of. And it's just five Billy Frendos. No, we can do five, the best five names that we've ever read out. The best,

the five names that we've enjoyed the most. Okay. Well, yeah, sure. We can do that. We should make a Hall of Fame. Yeah. We should put Billy Frendo into the Hall of Fame. Billy Frendo has to be in the Hall of Fame.

Just not, look, this read isn't as entertaining as other reads, but we just really love them. We're having a good time. You should see us right now. We're high-fiving. This is the happiest we've been in years. But speaking of the best of, you can now, if you look on the socials,

there'll be a link to vote for the best episode of 2018. Put it up this afternoon as we're recording this. Thanks to everyone who's participating. No thanks to the people who are voting for a certain episode from this year. Grow up. Grow up, guys. You're too old for that now. You're a lot like that.

Vote for the thing that you like, not the thing you don't like. I don't know why we've had to say this. It's meant to be a celebration of good things that have happened in the year that we get to count down and kind of like take a bit of a walk down memory lane and, you know, just reflect on the show that we enjoy doing. Don't vote for the thing that you know is just going to annoy us. Okay? That's not the point.

And a thing that you don't even like. Yes, exactly. There's a certain episode we put out. Look, we've had a stellar year, we think. Yes, exactly. And you guys are deliberately voting for the thing you like the least. Yeah. A week of temper tantrums after we put that out that now is like,

oh, best of the year, this will be funny. It is an absolute landslide on the poll so far. Fuck. An absolute landslide. Why do we get fucking listeners like this? Why do anything? I'll tell you who I don't think is funny. You can't vote for Potty McPodface as the best episode of the year.

I'll tell you who I don't reckon has done that is Billy Frendo. Yeah. There's no way he would lower himself to that kind of juvenile, and I'm doing air quotations, humour. Yeah. This guy helps people with their sleep. He's saving lives in a way. Yeah.

He wouldn't do that fucking nonsense. I did have to do an overnight sleep test. I wonder if Billy Frendo had anything to do with it. Yeah. I wonder if he works at the place that helped me out to attach that big robot to me. Yeah, great. I wouldn't mind doing it. I have to change my sleep again.

Oh. Talk about it in more detail. Right. I went to a physio recently and I got roasted pretty hard by him. But part of it is I'm sleeping in a way that's like bad for my back.

So I have to consciously change how I sleep, the position that I sleep in. Fuck. Disaster. Change your positions in bed. Yeah.

You have to get from... You have to go on top now. I have to sleep doggy style. You have to sleep on, you have to go on top now. Have to sleep doggy style. You have to sleep on top of a woman now. You have to sleep whilst having a 69er. Yeah.

Fuck. It is very hard though. Imagine if you got home from the doctor with a certificate saying, sorry, but we have to do this.

Oh, I need a doctor's note. I've got a note from the doctors but we have to have dinner for two every night otherwise I can't sleep properly. Damn,

that's my dream. Billy Frendo, if you can hook me up with for two every night. Otherwise, I can't sleep properly. Damn, that's my dream. Billy Frendo, if you can hook me up with one of those doctors. Oh, man. Yeah. If you can prescribe a big old hose to someone's face. Jesus Christ. Thanks, Billy. Thanks, Billy.

Thanks, Bill, officially. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. This won't be as good. Look, I promise you. I'm looking at it right now. That's the fucking point. That's the point of going on. It's pretty bad compared.

We should just do one this way. Yeah. We've done that a few times, haven't we? Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mick Harford. What a plain Jane name.

Not as bad as I was expecting because it makes me remember what's your story who's is it half a head who was that person was that a Maryborough person there was a guy called

in Ballarat I think called Arthur okay because he had like the bottom half of his face removed he had like no jaw or anything

and they called him Arthur as in Arthur face is this in Cockney, England? Yeah, yeah. Oh, look, it's Arthur. Yeah. That's funny stuff.

And that's what that has reminded me of. Right. Mick, no C. What do you think about that? M-I-K? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Pretty weird.

Yeah, this is a weird week so far. Yeah. What it's reminding me of is the famous Luton Town soccer player, English soccer player. Okay. Me too. With the same name. Yeah. Oh, is that what you thought?

Yeah. Luton Town. He went on to, of course, play more soccer. Manage the club. Yes, you're right, Tommy. That's what I said. Yeah. Yeah.

In many ways. Yeah. I mean, a management is a type of playing. Yes. You're playing manager. Not at all. You're playing around with people. But yes, he was. You're moving, Tommy. That's what I said, yeah. Yeah, in many ways. Yeah. I mean, a management is a type of playing. Yes. You're playing manager. Not at all. You're playing around with people. But yes, he was...

You're moving them around. No. But yes, he became the coach of Luton. But he was a very hard man, as you know. So this guy reminds you of him? Well, it does because it's the same name as him. Okay. Yep.

That's the way in which he reminds me. Just a simple yes would have done. But it's not the same. Maybe... But this guy spelled his name. He's the way in which he reminds me. Just a simple yes would have done. But it's not the same. Maybe. But this guy spelled his name. He's taken out the C, which makes. I've never seen a Mick with M-I-K. That is pretty wild.

So he has literally changed his name so that people stop going around going, ah, Luton Town player become manager hard man. Right. But he would know. Yeah, that's an interesting. That's an interesting interesting thing because he would know that you would know that yes that that yeah i'm just wondering whether he's taking out the c so he just stops getting fan mail from old from from 60 year old luton town uh supporters it is pretty funny if you're if you're sick of being that being the reference to your name and you go

I've got to do something to change it. In no way would that have happened by the way. He was not a famous player. But let's say he was. Let's say hypothetically you were trying to distance yourself from that and all you do is take one letter out of your name that makes phonetically no difference whatsoever. Just being like well this will

throw him off the scent. Yeah, yeah. The. Just being like, well, this will throw them off the scent. Yeah, yeah. The C is now silent. I do like, it does look tough, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. M-I-K. Get that weak little C out of there. M-I-C-K already sounds tough to me.

I don't think I've ever met a- M-I-K, there is just, there's no wasted space there. Yeah. I don't think I've ever met like a piss-weak Mick. Interesting. I think I've met a couple. there. Yeah. I don't think I've ever met like a piss-weak Mick. Interesting. I think I've met a couple. Really? Yeah.

It's a name that lends itself to a certain degree of toughness in my opinion. Interesting. Mick Gatto? Yep. Mick Jagger? Mick Jagger's not tough though. Oh, yeah, but at the very least cool, which is a sort of tough. I'm going to put this on the record.

I reckon I could beat Mick Jagger in a fight. You reckon? I reckon I could take on a fucking 85-year-old man. A 71-year-old man that weighs about 49 kilos and you think you could beat him? Yeah, I reckon I'd come off best. He's pretty fit. Yep.

Hey, so am I, you know? Yeah, okay. I've been doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Oh, yeah. I got my sleeping fixed, so I'm alert. I'm sharp all the time. Half fixed. Half fixed.

Half fixed. Yeah, okay. All right. All right. Well, you know what? I will give you odds of $1.80. That's pretty good. It is pretty good.

I'm a bit worried about those odds. They're a bit too good. You're going to get fleeced here. I might get fleeced. Yeah, we've got to set this up, guys. Yeah, we've got to set this up. This is a bit worried about those odds. They're a bit too good. You're going to get fleeced here. I might get fleeced. Yeah, we've got to set this up, guys. Yeah, we've got to set this up. This is one of our aims for 2019. Get a fight between Tommy Daslow and Mick Jagger.

Look, guys, I know we set up a lot of harebrained things on this show that never come to fruition. This time is going to be different. I am going to actually beat the shit out of Mick Jagger in public. What about could you beat Ronnie Wood? One of the guitar players in the Stones. No, I don't think so.

I'm not going to back you against him. No, I think he'd, yeah. I think he'd come in with the guitar El Cabong style and hit me over the head with it. Yeah, I reckon, yeah.

Look, I reckon Mick would be the least street smart of the whole band where I don't, not sure if he's ever been in a fight whereas the other guys i'm like they've been in a lot of fights yeah yeah yeah yeah so if i couldn't like i would be dead meat against well yeah look there's nothing can kill him yeah and well would you be trying to kill him in the fight yeah yeah yeah right yeah yeah fight to the death it's a

fight to the death yeah right oh this is a fight to death net right fuck wow fuck, wow. So you'd be trying to fight him going. Because the stakes for me and Mick are it's like, imagine word getting out that Mick got beaten in a fight by a small boy. Well, shame and the fact he would be dead at the end of it. No, no, no, but I'm saying it has to be a fight to the death because if it wasn't a fight to the death, just the lack of honour, you know, the disgrace, the smirchment. And likewise for me, me getting owned by a 71-year-old, I just would have to kill myself.

So would it be one of those things like in, I think it's in a Bruce Lee, it's like a Game of Death or something where he, I know Into the Dragon, I think, so it gets to the end and he knows he's beaten his legs broken and he's like he just keeps coming back and he's like just asking to be killed because he can't live with the shame and the dishonor of

so Mick Jagger just keeps coming back to you until you you have to snap his bony neck yeah yeah yeah yeah and then you become

lead singer of the Rolling Stones is that how it works yeah right it's like Excalibur that's pretty cool yeah yeah I'd have I'd have a lot of fun you would totally I mean first quarter of business of the Rolling Stones. Is that how it works? Yeah. Right. It's like Excalibur. That's pretty cool. Yeah.

Yeah, I'd have a lot of fun. You would totally. I mean, you think. First quarter of business, brown sugar back in the set list, boys. I think it's well and truly in the set list. Is it still? Right.

They just play the best of. Yeah, okay. But talk about, I mean, we're talking about groupies from the little dum-dum club. Groupies from the Rolling Stones. That is a whole different ballgame. Oh, yeah. I can't wait to have some grandmas vying to root me.

I think they get better than that. You think there are young women trying to fuck the Rolling Stones? Mick Jagger just broke up with a girl in her 20s. Yeah, okay. That's fair. Yeah. That's pretty fair. Yeah.

So, and I expect the same thing to be happening of us when we're still doing this podcast into our 70s. Yeah, okay, that's fair. Yeah. That's pretty fair. Yeah. So, and I expect the same thing to be happening of us when we're still doing this podcast into our 70s. And we're getting G-strings still thrown at us. Still thrown at us, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don't get enough G-strings thrown at us at the shows. I agree.

Guys, that needs to, we really need to see some big, big improvements in that area in 2019. Yeah. Guys. We want to, we demand to be recognized in that area in 2019. Yeah. Guys. We demand to be recognized as heartthrobs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So please, guys, we've got live shows coming up. We want a little bit more Beatlemania. Yeah. All right. Thank you. Thank you to Patreon. We really need to just fucking kick this up. Yeah, we really need it.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Susan Anthony. Oh. Yeah. Dave Anthony's partner. No. This is weird because isn't Susan B. Anthony's? That's like money in America. That's the dollar note or that's the something?

It's something. It's money. I think it's within the same boat of having heard it as a reference on like The Simpsons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not actually knowing ever what it really is. Well, now we've got to look it up because if we don't, then we get everyone going, yeah, you fucking idiots. This is fucking this thing.

Oh, we'll still get that. There's been something that we've said and haven't realized. Yep. So she is, Susan Anthony is literally giving herself to us in a way. So that's sort of like, she's like a groupie in a way. Right, I get you. So she's giving us money that she's on. Giving herself.

Yeah, interesting. It's a dollar coin. Oh, okay, right. Yeah, right. So thanks, Susan Anthony. No, Susan B. Anthony. And how much does she subscribe? Is it in line with her namesake?

No, because if it was a dollar, she wouldn't be read out. That's fair. Yep. But, hey, thanks, Susie. Thanks, Susan. Thanks for giving us your namesake, giving us five to ten of your namesake. Yep. Or even more.

Yep. Just getting a bunch of your namesake in a little sack, writing a scribbling, a little symbol on it. Yep. And also, she has been subscribing for quite a while. So a big special thank you to her. And is she one of these rare ones who's been subscribing for a while, hasn't been read out, but hasn't hassled you?

Yes. Right. Very rare. Interesting. She's happy to wait her turn. She gets it. Because some people complain, and that's fine. Then I get to know whether they can get lost in the mix otherwise.

Yeah. But then some people, you know, back in the day when we first started reading people out and we thought people just liked having their name read out and us being complimentary about them. Yes. But now we get a big bunch of people going, oh, you read our name out in the early days and we said thanks so much and we really appreciate you for giving money and you didn't even call me a fat cunt. And it's like, oh, our bad.

Sorry, everyone. We should do that soon, maybe at a live show or something where we go back to the very first Patreon read we ever did and we review it just to see how it stacks up now by today's standards. Well, maybe we go back and maybe we do get the people that were read out early on who didn't like their readout in hindsight. They get a do-over.

They get a do-over. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we do that. But then we get to go as hard as we can. Yeah, okay. Because there's some people

who are complaining. All right, well, if you want to complain, we'll go, we'll put the fucking turbo jets on. Maybe that can be a Patreon. Yeah. Do-over. Yeah. Great. Okay, we'll put the fucking turbo jets on. Maybe that can be a Patreon. Do over.

Yeah. Great. Okay, we'll do that. All right. All right, look out for that. Thanks, Susan. Thanks, Susan. I hope you liked that.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Michael Nados. Just quickly, that's very funny what you were like. People are angry that we weren't mean enough about them. Anyway, this woman's on money. Yeah. Thanks, Susan. You stupid bitch. But some people, not everyone's like that.

Not everyone's like that. Sure, sure, sure. But hey, if you are like that, then listen to that bitch comment that Tommy just said. But if you're not, don't listen to that. So choose your own adventure. She can ignore it. Right. She can take the rest of it in isolation if she wants.

But if she's sitting there going, man, I feel unfulfilled. Right. And then she heard that and she's like, God damn, that is the shit that I'm after. Great, great, great, great.

It's a little bit of a choose your own adventure of Patreon reads. Yep. Michael Nados. Thanks, Michael Nados. What a stupid cunt. Yeah.

We're not going to give him the nice option at all? No, I've met Michael a few times. Nice guy. Oh, fuck, you've changed your tune. Yeah. Again, I want to give people options. I think he's a stupid bitch.

Really? Yeah. Interesting. Maybe this is how we play it. We play good cop, bad cop. One of us is nice and the other one is not nice. That's pretty good. Yeah.

So you've got your options. You can just edit out one of us. Yeah. Yeah, you can just cover your ears. You can just edit out one of us. Yeah. Yeah, you can just cover your ears. Yeah, I come in and I beat you over the head with a fine book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you go nice.

You're a good cop. I'm a bad cop. Okay, all right. Michael Nados. Michael Nados. Lovely guy. Met him a couple of times at gigs. Yep.

Always had nice, pleasant chats with him. Right. A very kind young man in my estimation. Well, every time you did that, I remember he would come up to me and go, that stupid cancer cunt bought it again. I was being nice to his face and I had my fingers crossed. And as soon as he walked away, I was like, yeah, you keep walking, you fucking stupid cunt.

Wow. Yeah, that's what he was saying to me. So when are you going to do the bit where you start being mean? Wow. Yeah, that's what he was saying to me. So when are you going to do the bit where you start being mean? And he also, he's in many ways the anti-Billy Frendo, I believe. Yeah.

In what way? I love Billy Frendo and this guy, fuck him. Okay, great. Yeah. Great. Yeah, that does make him the anti-Billy Frendo. Yeah, he is. Yeah. Because Billy Frendo, I've never heard of anyone better.

And this guy, never heard of anyone worse. Billy Frendo, Michael Enemio. Yes. In one way. Good, good stuff. So this could got bad cop things paying off already. This is the perfect plan. It's actually, I mocked it at the start, but it sort of,

Nados isn't far removed from like Nemesis. It's sort of skirting. It's got one same letter in it, in the name. It's got a couple. It's got one. It's got two. It's got three. It's got one letter in it.

It's got three. No, it's got one in it. It's got four. It doesn't have four. No way, it's got three. Nados, Nemesis, N-I-N-S. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Or both. All right. Yeah, and also E and M. No. Okay, and look, obviously it's very close to Nandos as well. Yeah. Nandos. Nandos.

Nandos. Nandos. A bit of a cheeky Nandos in there. No. I just worked with a guy that used to always say that. He'd go, when it'd be lunchtime, he'd want me to go to Nando's with him. And he'd go, Nando's? Just doing it because he knew it pissed you off?

I don't know. Right. He'd just go, hey, Nando's? Great. Nando's? Had he spent time in the UK? No. Okay, interesting.

I think he genuinely thought it was called that. That's pretty cool. Thanks, Nando's. Thanks, Michael Nando's. nandos thanks uh thanks you big portuguese chicken yeah that's good cop saying that yeah that's as good as you're getting uh all right fuck i'm so late to this fucking thing i gotta go good stuff um so we should just end right now then obviously yeah we're gonna do we're gonna do five but let's just do a bit less. Let's just do whatever this number is. Right.

Well, that's weird you say that because this is five. Oh, okay. Well, then it's not weird that I said that. It was accurate. You said five. We're doing five. I find accurate things weird. Oh, you're right.

It is strange when something is dead on the money. Yeah, yeah. I just walk around and wrong things are constantly happening and that's the norm for me. Yep. Yep. All right. Last one for this week.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Frendo Comedy. Right. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. I know.

That was a surname earlier and now it's someone's first name. I know. That's exactly what I thought. Can you a surname earlier and now it's someone's first name. I know. That's exactly what I thought. Can you look up the email address? Yes. Yeah. What's the name in the email address? Let's see.

Oh, it's not their real name. Right. Yeah. What is it? Friendos Comedy. So, yeah, not that impressive after all. Ah, man. I actually think friendos comedy is a bit better.

Someone mocked that up for us, the Nando's logo. It says friendos. New shirt, baby. Friendos. Can we try and... We always get the best thing to be our shirts and whatever. Can we, can we,

can we scale through the archives and found the shittest thing we've, the worst, the shittest joke reference we've ever made and make that the new t-shirt. Right. We champion it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like people have done with duck sandwich. That's not true. That's not what I meant at all. See, there's another thing in life that's wrong that I'm getting used to. What if we make a T? What legally legally how would we be covered if we if we just started making a t-shirt with billy friendo on it billy friendo yeah we just find a photo of him and put it on there that's pretty great that is genuinely pretty great what if we made a t-shirt with some guy with a big hose on his

fucking head yeah then billyrendo. Can we do that? Can we do that? I do like the idea of us just co-opting the image of just a person who listens to this who isn't famous and we just turn them into like a clothing line.

Yeah. Like a full Billy Frendo. Billy Frendo. Billy Frendo. Yeah. Is that how we cover it? We change it to Billy Frendos. Billy Frendos.

Right. Okay, great. Because he's Bill Frendo. Yeah. So Billy Frendos we're completely in the clear yeah yeah 100 fictional character that's a new creation from us exclusively the intellectual property of the little dum-dum yes but then we have to start doing you know like before movies where they're like this is a work of fiction any similarities to any person's living or dead is completely coincidental. We just have to start reading that every episode.

Philly Friendo says, nothing like Bill Friendo. I mean, apart from him sticking hoses on cunts' heads every day. Oh, man, I can't wait, dude. And he sticks Portuguese chicken down the tube into people's heads. Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, Billy Frendos. The hot new fashion label coming out in 2018. 2019. 2019.

I don't think we're going to have it out in time for 2018. Can we quickly get a bit of Billy Frendos action for the pop-up shop? Oh, maybe. Can that be an exclusive T-shirt of Billy Frendos? We'll try. Just get 10, a little capsule collection. We'll do our best. Dum Dum Club ex-Billy Frendos.

Well, thanks, guys. Thanks, everyone, for listening and subscribing on Patreon. We really, really appreciate it. Thank you. Extra special thank you to Billy Frendos for allowing us. Frendo. Billy F us. Billy Frendo. A person not affiliated with our new creation. Yes, yes.

We went from loving him to now we're like fuck, this guy's our enemy now. Yeah, he's going to sue us. Guys, thanks for listening. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Tickets to all the upcoming shows that are out there in the new year. We've got the pop-up shop January 11. We've got the Orphans Christmas show this Sunday.

If you listen to this hot off the press, might be able to squeeze some people on the door. Try your luck with that. Yes, thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. Don Affiliated with Billy Friendo.