The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 430 - The Best of 2018

Episode Date: January 1, 2019

We've done it again! It's been another massive, massive year for the podcast so we're celebrating by counting down the absolute best episodes of 2018, as voted by YOU the listeners! It's a great list with some hilarious highlights plus one result that we'd rather not talk about. Here's to 2019, mates! Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up: CANBERRA! We're back for one night only. March 23, 5pm. MELBOURNE! We're doing another month of huge shows at the Comedy Festival. Saturday March 30, April 6, April 13 & April 20, 4:30pm. We're also doing an extra show: Late Night Dum Dum. Friday April 5, 11:55pm. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. This is pretty exciting for us. People normally know us as the hosts of Talking Dum-D Dum Dum but this week we've been upgraded into the hot seat. We're getting to host the actual program, which is pretty exciting

don't you think? Very nice. There's no ad up the top unless we're going to morph this into the ad as well. Come to our live shows everyone. Brisbane, Canberra, Melbourne, Koh Samui. LittleDumDumClub.com for all the tickets and stuff. But yeah, this week we are doing the best of 2018 of The Little Dumb Dumb Club.

We put a poll out. You guys voted. And so this is the top five episodes of 2018 as voted by you, the dear listener. And yeah, this is something we've been meaning to do for a while. This is exciting stuff. You did like a survey that went out onto all the social medias and stuff like that. So it's a fair indication i guess yep uh if you're not on the social medias guys get on them they're so much fun you get to talk to a lot of people around the world

and you'll get to vote in the best of 2019 yeah get to be a real tough guy as well i like being on the internet and being a tough guy to people so you know you really do love it yeah and i you know i'm petrified in real life but it makes me feel like a real man you know you're a real keyboard warrior yeah yeah exactly exactly i wouldn't say boo to a goose irl but i've never heard that saying before you never heard that boo to a goose yeah don't you well i've never heard it in the positive i've never seen a guy being described as now he would say boo to a goose that guy over there yeah yeah he booed a goose. No, that guy over there. Yeah. He booed a goose.

That's a good way to describe you though. Yeah. You're someone who, you, you, you. On the keyboard I would. Yeah. You hunt out the goose. No, I don't. You go looking for the goose.

You're just, you're just itching to say boo to that goose. I, look, I will admit IRL, I am a IRL goose booer as well. Yeah, yeah. But it is, it's, it's, it makes my dicky harder on the internet though because it's like you can't get bashed through the laptop, can you? So cool. Something funny about you abusing people on our Facebook page or Twitter, going really hard and it's just a picture of a cheeseburger,

a cartoon of a cheeseburger abusing someone. It's a very funny sight. Something about that really tickles me. Also, just the idea of you, of someone abusing their own fans

is also quite good. Yeah. Hey, I pay money for this. I don't care. Fuck off. Do you honestly not know how to switch accounts on Facebook

when you comment? I do, but I don't care. Okay, right. I don't think it matters. There's some threads where it's like half of the comment to you and then half of the page.

And I'm like, I feel like when you're on the page, you're acting on behalf of both of us. Don't bring me into this. And I feel like that's right. I feel like that's very right. I'm just in the sidecar, dragged kicking and screaming into all of your one-on-ones that you love getting into. I feel like we voted for a real voice for this podcast, and it's me.

Interesting. No, on the laptop I do, but on the phone I don't, and I've never tried looking how to do it. So that's the answer. So, yeah, we put that out, and, yeah, everyone, people voted. And, look, we've had a stellar. Yeah, that was one of the big reasons to do this was that it has been a particularly great year

for the Little Dum Dum Club. We feel like we get better and better every year. And this year, yeah, we had so many great shows. We had so many great kind of running threads and sort of running jokes. Things happened to us. Things happened to us. A couple of things came up on the show

that were things that we... Well, one big thing in particular that's been a running joke between you and I for four years now or something that we finally got to air publicly. So that was great to get that out into the world. Is there any... Without giving too much away about what's coming up, is there any particular episode you would have voted

for that didn't make it in there? I'm trying to think. I mean, without giving too much away, there's no live from Koh Samui episode in the top five? No Koh Samui action in the top five. I mean, those are all very good, but the ones that got in are the real kind of like big kind of moments of the year. I think that says a lot that we can do a podcast festival on the equator.

Yeah. Drag 300 people. Yeah. Halfway around the world and it doesn't even crack the top five. It doesn't even crack the top five. That either means that those top five episodes are so good or we went to Thailand and sort of fucked it up. Maybe. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe it's like we think it's really interesting but everyone else listening at home is like, it sort of is the modern equivalent of being invited around for someone's fucking slideshow night. Right. We get it, guys. You're on holiday. Yeah. Maybe next year when we go, maybe we should have constantly some sort of music in the background

just to really make sure it doesn't sound Thai enough without some sort of... Ah, okay. We should make more of an effort to make the episode feel like a holiday for the people at home listening to it. Yeah. That would be pretty cool. Yeah. I'm trying to think, is there anything off the top of your head

that isn't in the list that you would have voted for? I'm just going through the list of ones we did this year. I thought, I mean, you know, if we mention too many of them, we'll give away, we'll make sure that people sort of know what's not coming up at the very least. Well, maybe we can do a bit of a wrap at the end. Yeah, yeah, okay, maybe that's the idea. Because, yeah, there's a lot of good stuff in here.

There's, look, without giving too much away, some people took the poll seriously, and that's very appreciated. Other people, not so much. Look, there's probably, you know, if you're a keen listener in this show, there's been a couple of big moments. There's been, you know, maybe an episode that had a lot of adverse reaction. And, you know, look, I think we attract a lot of real smart, ally listeners.

Yeah. And they think it's funny to vote for something that isn't particularly great in a serious online poll. Exactly. We saw the results of the poll and, to be honest, we almost called this whole thing off. Yeah. Because we just thought, what's the point? Yeah.

If people are going to bloody get in there and bloody muck us around, make us look like a couple of fucking chowderheads. Yeah. What's the point? It's, you know, we put in a lot of hard work to create an online poll yeah and then yes and then some some real weisenheimers out there think it's cool to have a funny result in there there actually was a bit of work setting up that poll and that's it's it's you know this is a serious podcast all right we want to we want to there's a lot of serious subject matter we take it very seriously and someone wants to make this podcast like a joke or something.

Yeah, exactly. Not cool. Yeah, we want to start getting some respect in the industry. And that's never going to happen if you guys treat us like this. If someone wants to come and try and Rick Roll us, as the kids say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not cool. Being punked.

Yes. A bunch of bloody Ashton Kutches out there. Yes. You know, a bunch of bloody Bam Margeras treating us like his overweight uncle on the toilet. Yeah. No thanks. Yeah, like you guys are all Ashton Kutches and we're all a pair of

Justin Timberlakes crying on the footpath. Yes. Disturbing stuff, if you ask me. Anyway, look, let's not focus on that. Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. I know. Look, again, no spoilers, but we know that something's coming up later in the poll. We can deal with that when we get to it.

But for now, let's start. Should we start counting them down? Yeah, sure. How many should we do? I reckon let's do five. Okay. If this goes well, maybe next year we can do a top ten. But I think for this year, let's just do a top five.

Okay. All right. Well, sure. I mean, look, I can see you're hurriedly editing on the fly as we speak. Yes, I am. And the results are still pouring in. Yeah, right. Right.

This is just going to be us live reading out the results. Some episodes have already conceded. Oh, really? Yes. They're giving a concession speech right now. Is any of them needed preferences or anything to get their position or anything like that? No?

Any independence? Yeah. By the way, a lot of listeners did vote below the line on one of their favourite episodes. It takes ages apparently, but it all counts. That's where you go into specific moments and you're voting on them and then we kind of tally that up and we work out an overall. A lot of right-wing episodes got in, I think.

Yes, yes. So, yeah, let's start it off with number five, episode 417, Scott Dooley and Luke Heggy. So this one was the peak of the Crunchy Gate saga. Right. This is like the Crunchy, as you may know, I entered my cat, Crunchy, into a cat food competition. And look, you'd think that it'd be the easiest,

most boring thing in the world. Yeah. But you know what? It didn't quite end up like that, did it, Tommy? We do things a little differently around here. Let's just say the best laid plans of, how does that saying go? Mice and men. Yeah.

Or should I say cats and men? Yes. They went awry, didn't they, Tommy? They went awry. Things certainly did go awry. Oh, I'll tell you what. Things certainly did escalate quickly, didn't they? Yeah.

In many ways, you could say shit got real. Oh, wow. Never a true word was said. So, look, don't expect this to be some boring story where I enter my cat and it simply wins or loses and we don't speak of it again. Oh, that would be great if the clip was just four seconds long there's more than that guys so don't expect expect a few twists and turns yeah so we set it up on uh the episode before this one the week before this we talked about it about you entering your cat into the competition yeah that was where it was kind of

born and then uh yeah these guys were both in melbourne from interstate and uh in the intervening week things had really kicked off and we thought you know what better what better guests to have in to talk about this kind of bullshit than scott dooley and luke heggie uh and so yeah this is setting up that you had uh yeah the cat was on the website you were trying to get your cat voted in as the face of applause Plaws cat food company. And this is you kind of retelling the story of a very eventful week. Of how things were happening on social media as we tried to get our listeners slash fans to vote for my cat online to win Crunchy, the prize of being on the front of the cat food. And basically, yeah, this is what's been happening.

And I think shortly after this we announce the actual result yeah yeah this is where this is this is the point in the story where stuff really starts kicking off online yep so uh yes enjoy this clip it was closing on the sunday night we i think we took think we took the lead on the Sunday morning. Wow. So it was closing at midnight on a Sunday night. So we're very active on the socials. Were you talking to Crunchy going like, hey, have I got some guys?

No doubt. I've been meaning to ask that. No doubt in my mind. She was getting some special treatment. You're going to be a winner. You're going to have a little crayon on your head. You're going to have what all cats love, money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, there was no money. There was no money. Oh, right. It was actually quite a poxy composition. It was the glory. You want to have the face on the tin. And then that was about it. It's like winning an Olympic gold medal for fencing.

Yeah. Bullshit. But that's it. Totally. But that's exactly, that's a very great parallel because in the Olympics you're not winning cash prize, you're just getting a medal, which you're then not allowed a saw to cash prize, you're just getting a medal, which they're not allowed to sort of sell.

So you're just getting a medal. But that's raising your stock, so you're going to get endorsements. So Crunchy could go on to be the face of Nike or ugly. Crunchy could be on the front of a Weet-Bix packet. Crunchy could get a walk-on start for the Central Coast Mariners. Yes. Crunchy could be the face of Crunchy. Imagine buying a chocolate bar with

inexplicably just a cat's face on it. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. Are our lives better or worse for doing this podcast? I can't tell at this point. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I definitely wouldn't have done this without this podcast. So we're in the straight. We've just taken the lead on the Sunday morning.

Votes close. midnight, Sunday night Someone One of our listeners goes digging And I don't know how they've done this But they find the person who owns The previous leader online They find that person and their Facebook profile The now second place cat

And they've then Shared Some posts I'll roughly read some All capitals And they've then shared some posts. And look, I'll read. I'll roughly read some. Read them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All capitals.

Oh, no. A rogue cat has been found. Crunchy has come from nowhere and taken over the lead. She's about 85 votes ahead of Gracie, who now has taken second place. We have all worked so hard and can't let this happen on the home run. Just 13 hours to go. We need 200 plus secured votes to get ahead. Please, I'm asking you to vote and share.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please. And then she shared another person who is asking for votes. But that link says, please, please, please vote and share. We are now 85 votes behind some fucking cat called Crunchy. The second place person has been the author of that? Or one of your fans put that on there? No, no, no. That's the lady who owns the cat who's now being beaten.

Oh, okay, gotcha. Yeah, sorry. She's seen this and gone. Because if you're her, right, think of how much pushing you have to do to your friends and family and your networks to get up to like 2,500 votes. Then all of a sudden in the space of like three days, this other cat just absolutely blitzes you.

You're sitting there going, what the fuck's this? They're taking every one of their friends in to vote every single day. We're just going, oh, you listen to our fucking idiot podcast. Chuck us a couple of votes your way. And boom, within a week we've eclipsed their six, seven, eight weeks' work. And so great for you seeing this post from her because now in the way that her cat has've eclipsed their six, seven, eight weeks work. And so great for you seeing this post from her because now in the way that her cat has been eclipsed, similarly you're now the second saddest person in this story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is absolutely like a red rag to a bull to A, me, and B, our listeners. So all of a sudden it's like, who the fuck is this fucking cat? I'm like, I'll fucking show you who this fucking cat is. And again, are you keeping crunchy your breast at this development? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mean woman wants to know who you are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I screenshot all of this, put it on all of our socials and whatever and go, what do you think about this, guys? This fucking cat. How about we take this fucking cat down? Naive of you, I will say. Very naive of you. Look, I blurred a lot of the information out,

but probably didn't blur enough of the information out. They found her. So anyway, with the data go, so that all starts kicking off. It spills onto the applause Facebook page. So people are starting, other people, so because they're no longer in the league... Have you heard of... Just before...

Had you heard of Applause Cat Food? Not once. No. Well, you don't have a cat. My parents love me. Right. Is there a link? Get around as an adult owning a fucking cat.

Who's supposed to own a cat? A child is supposed to own a cat. I'm like a fucking sad loser. Well, you know what? I would have a dog, but I cannot justify having a dog in a small apartment because it can't run anywhere. We did it. We're just fucking...

We're a cruel-drawn animal. Yeah, sure. Trim its legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ripped its legs off and fucking just chucked it across the line. You've got to fucking do, man. Would it be a man in this world or what? And the kids learn a valuable lesson from watching you do this.

I'm not sure what it is. I teach valuable lessons in front of my kids all the fucking time. Didn't even do anything. Look what I'm doing to it. That's life. That's life, kids. Don't buy a cat. So the people who are now coming second have obviously let everyone know and they've started to crack the sats and go, oh, this is unfair.

This is really unfair. All of you guys, all of my friends that have voted for the cat and now we've all wasted our time. This is unfair because it's rigged. Everything's rigged. Even if they'd won, they'd wasted their time. For sure. Because if the deadline hadn't been extended, it would have won, right?

Yes. I forgot about that. So it was in the lead when the deadline got extended, so it doesn't take long for them to start going, well, this competition's rigged. This goes all the way to the top of applause management. This is like that footy game where 19 guys were on the field and they scored all the goals.

Exactly like that. You're the North Adelaide Football Club. So now all the friends of these people are just getting on the page of applause. The applause. The applause social medias. Yeah. And just going, this is real. And like having some proper tinfoil hat moments where they're saying,

I bet this cat doesn't even exist. Oh, fuck off. Seriously. The cat doesn't even exist. The cat's a crisis actor. Yes, yes. And let's imagine for a moment that you're the social media manager for a poor's cat food.

You're probably sitting around, you're bragging to your friends going, I have literally the easiest job in the world. Put up one cat meme once a week. I just fucking cruise out of the office at 4.30. All of a sudden you come in Monday morning and you've got one of the most. Your computer's melted. One of the most difficult jobs in the country. So these people are saying, these people are saying,

this cat probably doesn't even exist. It's probably made up because they're just saving money. It's a good way for the company to save money by inventing a new cat, having it win, and they don't have to give out any of the prizes. Now, A, first prize is having the cat's face on the tin. Not expensive. That's not a cash prize.

That's nothing. Second prize, and basically what we were lining up to being absolutely justified in winning through just the popular vote, was like a fucking cat bowl. A cat, there was like a little bit of merch in that. So, what, they're saving themselves a cat bowl? Yeah, $3. Yeah.

Yeah. So, insane, anyway. Do we want to name the competitor cat? Okay. Yeah. Well, look, look, I'll name it within some of the complaints. Okay, sure, sure, anyway. Do we want to name the competitor cat? Okay. Look, I'll name it within some of the complaints. Okay, sure, sure, sure. Look, guys, don't look up this cat on Facebook. Good teasing, good sizzle.

People are going to stick around after the break now. That's good. I won't give out its phone number, but I will give out its first name. So here's an example of some of the unhinged posts. Someone saying, very unethical and quite honestly just a little dishonest. People love their pets. They are fully unethical but just a little dishonest. Yeah, yeah.

To be honest. What is the difference? This is extremely racist and just a little bit bad. Yeah, yeah. I'll let you off the hook on that. People love their pets. They are a big part of the family. And to see this happen raises a red flag for everyone.

This is where it all starts, guys. Here's the bit I like. Here's the bit I like. I would never have known. I'm alarmed. Now I'm alarmed. Here's the bit I like. Here's the bit I like. So she says... I would never have known. I'm alarmed.

Now I'm alarmed. Now, I live in Canada. Oh, great. Great. We're going global, baby. Now, I live in Canada, but we'll be checking to see if your company makes products sold here. If they do, I will not be buying them. So just to be clear, I do not buy any of your products.

I'm very clearly unaware of your products, but I'm going to hunt them down and then leave them alone. And I'm going to take a wild stab here and say that there is absolutely no chance that they are stocked in Canada. Also, the name of the Facebook page that this person is posting on is called Applause Australia and New Zealand. So there's a little hint

in the title there, guys. So your best bet would be to announce them as co-winners and give everyone a share of the prize. This contest looks to be a sham. So now we're supposed to cut the fucking water bowl in half. Melt it down. Melt the plastic down and make two smaller water bowls.

In the spirit of doing anti-applauds, do you mind if you and I do the first one? Oh, totally. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, hey, Carl. Oh, hi, Dulce. Hey, can I ask you a personal question? I think we know each other well enough. Sure. So it's my cat. Yep. It looks

so lifeless. Its skin's falling off. It's going terribly. I don't know what I'm doing. Whereas your cat, Crunchy, looks amazing. What's the secret? Ah, well, I feed it anything but applause. See the shards of glass hanging out the neck of your cat? That's a dead giveaway of applause cat food. My food, which is anything but applause Is just meats, grains, vegetables Not like crystallised sand That has turned extremely sharp

And ended the life Of one of your loved family members Wow Hey, before I go Oh, you're going? Well, you answered his question Hi, Tommy Dasolo from the Gundam Club I'm in the room now

I didn't notice you there Any questions for Tommy? Hi, Tommy Dasolo from the Little Gundam Club. I'm in the room now. I didn't notice you there. Any questions for Tommy? Tommy, would you also like to distance yourself from the things Carl just said? Yeah, I mean, sorry, I missed the start of this conversation. I've been down at my uncle works at the Applause cat food factory. I don't know if you guys have heard of it. We were just talking about that. I've been spending another rich afternoon personally putting my dick into

and inseminating every single packet of applause cat food that they manufacture. Wow. So I don't know if that's relevant to what you guys were talking about. To be fair, that was happening before this competition started. I've got to say, I have never – Oh, who's this? Hey, it's only bloody Luke Higgins in Sydney. I didn't notice.

I wondered who that guy over there was who was tapping his head with his finger. He remembers so much. Always thinking. I've got to say, I've never appreciated improv in the past. And the sexual predators who conduct it. I'm a recent convert. I quite like this. That's got to do with his cat food.

Wonderful to get some feedback. Weird how calling people sexual predators is the nicest thing anyone said in the last minute and a half. And they've done it again. I feel like you're going to be saying that a few times. I reckon I'll say it at least three more times. Yeah, right. So, yeah, of course, after that, Crunchy, we were disqualified.

If you didn't hear the episodes after that, Crunchy was disqualified after a few astray emails that I may have sent to a certain cat food company shall we say I don't think it's

too far of a stretch to describe them as that I'll grant you this yeah but yeah we on this episode we actually got the results of the competition live.

They kind of popped up as we were doing the episode. So if you go back and listen to it, it basically is a whole episode of us going through this whole saga for an entire ep. Those kinds of ones are pretty rare for this show, but they're always great fun. We said this at the time, but Scott Dooley, the master, always ends up in these. Always there at the right time. Always at the right time, yeah.

And Luke Heggy watching on, yeah, with delight. That's something that he very much had his nose turned up at the entire time. Yeah, yeah. It's good to get. It's hard to get Luke Heggy to talk too much, but at least when you've got something that he clearly hates, that he thinks is nerd-like behavior or something. Yeah, he's right in there.

So, yeah, that was heaps of fun, that episode, and a great bit of improvisation at the end there. Oh, also, the other day on Instagram, someone – I don't know who this was. I couldn't figure out whether this was people that had won the competition and were then going back to rub our noses in it. But someone deep-dived on an Instagram account and a few people from America started, like, posting on pictures of Crunchy,

ugh, yuck, ugh, ugh. Really? The real winner deserved to win, which was this cat. And the other cat's got like its own Instagram account. That is great. And what did... Did I reply? Yes, I did.

Was boo said to a goose in this instance? Oh, the goose. The goose certainly got spooked after a few ghostly sounds were aimed at it. That's for sure. That goose walked into a fucking haunted house. Yes. Let me tell you that much. Absolutely.

A few spirits with unfinished business in this realm. And the unfinished business is calling a stranger a cunt. Yes. Patrick Swayze was in the building there for a while. Patrick Swayze and his relationship with poultry was very much alive and well. It's Patrick Swayze sitting behind the person at the pottery wheel and just smashing their head into the clay. Good ep.

Great ep. Great ep. And great little thread for the year. Great little thread for the year. Yeah, a lot of fun. Who could have... I mean, yeah, look, obviously you bring something like that up on the show because you think it's going to be funny and something to talk about,

but I don't think in our wildest dreams we imagined that it would have turned into quite the saga that it did. Yeah, for sure. It's a shame because listening back to that reminded me of the plan if Crunchy had won was to have a little victory parade down Riverstale Road. Fuck. What a shame that we didn't get to do it. It would have been so funny.

Oh, I don't know how it would have happened. Holding her out the sunroof. Oh, man, it would have been great. I had a great moment today. I saw my first little experience of sitting in the bedroom watching sport on my laptop and Crunchy walked in and did her first absolutely massive vomit on the carpet. So that was cool. Her first one?

Yeah. She's never done a spew before in the house? Wow. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. That was good. It was good for her to save it up for me. Yeah.

I can't wait for you to have a kid. You haven't even been able to fucking get this cat into line. Yeah, I know. It's waking you up. I know. It's spewing everywhere. I don't know what I'm going to do. Honestly. It's going to be a I know. It's spewing everywhere. I don't know what I'm going to do. Honestly.

It's going to be a fucking absolute madhouse around your place. I don't know how we're going to combine the cat and the baby. Yeah, that's going to be very interesting. It's going to be, you need to do that thing, that gangland thing where they're like, you know, two people having a beef. You lock them both up. Whoever walks out. Right. Just put them in a room together.

Whichever one walks out, that's the victor. No questions asked. I'm sure that's perfectly acceptable to child services. Yeah. Well, they don't have to know about it. Yeah. Oh, no. Especially if the kid wins.

Yeah. They'll be like, oh, there's no case to answer to him, Mr Chandler, and your baby scratch face, is it? Is that its official name? Old no eyes? All right. Well, should we move on to number four? Keep counting them down.

Keep counting them down. What's better than a list? People love a list. Yeah. I love a list. This is the opposite of your shit list. Yes. Yeah, right.

The good list. All right. Number four on the countdown, episode 426, recorded live in Perth with guests Nick Cody, Nick Capper and Adam Knox. Now, speaking of your impending child, this is, of course, the episode where that news was revealed for the first time. Yep. It was revealed at, I believe, the hour and four minute mark of the podcast

typically when the show would have finished it had been an absolutely awesome episode leading up to this as well so go back, do go back if you're listening to this for the first time, if you missed any of these go back and listen to all of these episodes in their entirety because they're all great but yeah we had a great time

a great boozy evening with Milan in attendance, whom you were heading off to Thailand the next day with. Yes. So there'd been a lot of talk about that. Yes, we were doing the show, then Milan and I were flying to Thailand the very next day, straight after this.

So then after this announcement that you're about to hear comes out, we then went out, went crazy, and took off to Southeast Asia. But yeah, like you said, very fun show. And this is, I don't even know what the, it was apropos of nearly nothing. I think, oh no, I think where we lead into right now is that I am worried, I'm talking about my worry of going to Thailand with Milan. Because you're getting travel insurance.

And what will happen. Yeah. Because we had the live, we had a live real estate, not real estate, travel agent. That's not bad though, having someone trying to sell houses on stage with us. We had a real travel agent in the show who'd set up his own little store within the audience. And he has been in touch lately. He has sold a bunch of flights to listeners. So yeah, if you go to our website, if you go to littledumbdumbclub.com slash Kosamui,

just go to the main website and you'll see the link. There is a link for him who is a listener of the show. And so we figured, hey, why not use him? Give him a little bit more work and he helps you out. If you're one of those people that likes to deal with travel agents and just to make things sure and all that sort of stuff, you might as well deal with a fellow listener of the show. So deal with him.

Obviously, Koso Mui is going on in 2019, the final one. So yeah, get onto him. Go and have a look at all the information and we'd love to have you there. We feel like it's going to be a really good one and yeah, this is the last one. this is for all you guys that looked listen to the last episodes over there and wish you'd been part of and saw videos and saw pictures this is it guys so uh get

onto it absolutely get onto it especially in the next month before the prices slightly go up yep uh but for now here we go this is uh the number four episode of the year as voted by you live in Perth. I'm slightly extra worried about it because... Based on what? I am going to be a dad. Whoa! Whoa! Well? Best route ever.

Best route ever. I didn't think that at your age they had the strength. That's why he's going to Thailand to pick up his kid Hey That says a lot about Carl but everyone's like Yeah he did He had sex with a Thai lady

That's not his wife It's going to be my first one in this country I'm gonna set up a webcam And watch that kid every night While it's sleeping Is that true? Yeah Holy shit congratulations

That's huge Now Knowing you and how you like to hold on Knowing you and how you like to hold on to content for a particular podcast, what is she, eight months along or something? Something like that. Really? Yeah.

It kind of sucks that you're going to be so limited in baby name options because of so many open mic comedians you hate. I don't want to get scientific, but do you want to have it sunroof or moot? What? Oh right, okay So what's the I've got a baby guys What's the due date? Please tell me it's during

the Costa Movie Podcast Festival The 6th of September 6 slash 9 Whatever Nice No it's The 6th of September. 6 slash 9. Whatever. Nice. No, it's in three months' time. Wow.

What? Holy shit, she's six months deep. Very deep. She was four inches deep six months ago. Thank you for rounding up. To be fair, that's how I made one. People roasting about you, about your relationship. God, I bet this feels bad.

Because I hadn't seen her for ages and then she came to drop off some merch at the podcast. You're still making her lift your fucking merch around? But she pulled up in the car and I came with you to get it out of the car and, like, you know, I love whatever her name is. You never told me. That's a good baby name.

Don't say it. He is Don't Say It Chandler. I was like, oh, hey, how's it going? And she's like, anyway, bye. Like drove off very quickly. I thought she just put weight on due to depression. Anyway, I should be a good dad. There's two shots in my hand and a fucking beer.

You're going to have this conversation tomorrow. Okay, tuk-tuk, Singapore sling, Mai Tai, Pad Thai. You're going to have a little sibling soon. I was wondering... Singapore sling? I have a child called Singapore sling. I could think of another cocktail name. Oh no.

I was going to say Dark and Stormy, but you can't buy them in Thailand. I look forward to raising Little Duck Sandwich. I was wondering why you were so quick before we really talked about it to go this is the last Koh Samui International Podcast Festival.

It's because your life is over. That's cool. Yeah, things do change a lot when you have a baby. You can't just leave and get maggot with your friends on a Sunday. You've got to be a responsible parent. You're right. I'm going to have to get a lot more active on Instagram. Yes.

It is important. It's going to be a massive shame when you miss the birth of your child because your phone is too full of messages. Just say, Doc Sandwich! The miracle of birth, everyone. Man, that's fucking great, man. Do you know what you're having?

No. Didn't think to ask. Didn't think to ask. Have you done all the scans and stuff? Yep Yep So you've had the 20 week scan? You would have

The 20 week scan's the last time you can see the full baby Because when you go for the 32 week or whatever The baby's too big to see in the one camera shot They don't tell you that Get a bigger fucking camera That's what I said Yeah How much would people Get a fucking duck over. They don't tell you that. Get a bigger fucking camera. That's what I said. How much would people... You've got a fucking duck over here.

I don't know, guys. How much would people put in each in this room right now if Carl called his baby comedy? It's good. $5,000 each? $5,000 each? Set me up a website. $5,000? Enough $5,000 each. Set me up a website. $5,000.

Enough to put the baby through all of school and university and everything. And it's called Comedy Chandler. Thanks, comedy. How many kids do you reckon you end up going to have? Like four, five? reckon you end up going to have like four, five... You might as well just call it bullied right now. Bullied.

Well, I appreciate all your congratulations. When's the baby shower? I'd love to not bring a gift. Oh, yeah. Book. shower I'd love to not bring a gift book someone someone booked the Sydney Opera House for us I'm gonna have some grievances man that's fucking exciting you pumped up yeah it's gonna be fun yeah wait it's six months to tell any of us about it so he's really well it's almost as if our friend's on the spectrum.

Well, I could bore everyone to death with it, or I could just be normal. No, it's fucking great. Sorry? All right, shut up. Some dad joke. Hey, Dad, I'm hungry. Guess what, cunt? I'm Carl Chandler.

I'm your fucking dad. Shut the fuck up. Get something from the fridge while I go fucking record a podcast, you piece of shit. I hate you. Oh yeah. I can't wait to get fucking nappy sand

flooded with death threats when we're trying to get your baby as the face of their company in a year's time. No, Chandler's just excited because he's got one more thing for his shit list show next year. It is a real mystery why I delayed announcing this. Hi, Dad, I feel like a sandwich.

Oh, it's funny, you don't look like a complete cunt. Well, I'll be sure to pass all the congratulations on to my wife. We've got to play this episode while the kid is in utero so it can come out hanging itself with the umbilical cord. It's never too early. I've heard of water births, but not off the west coast. I fucking want to give him a hug, but I also want to act like he's made us act this whole time. I keep thinking we've had the best one,

but we keep coming back around. Yeah, I know. I keep thinking we've had the best one, but we keep coming back around. Talk about a little bundle of joy. Yeah. They've done it again. Yeah. There's a real ad for you to conceive, guys. Tell your dearest friends about the bundle of joy you're about to have and then just get kicked in the teeth.

Very happy to see that one come up in the poll because, first of all, it's great. And also, what an easy task of pulling out a highlight. Just like, yep, the entire back end of the show. Thank you. No edits, just the last 10 minutes we had or whatever it was. So fun. Such a fun, so many good calls in there. Kappa imagining you doing dad jokes is very, very funny.

Yeah. Yeah, a great time and a great vibe in the room. Thank you to everyone that was down at that show. Yeah, I think one of the best live ones we've ever done. I know. That one was electric. Look, I think out of all the things we can say about what we do I remember

look our dear friend of the show Will Anderson gave us a quote where once he said we're like the

something like we're the king of the live podcast which is very nice of him to say but I thought it was worded slightly differently

it was get the fuck out of my house yeah something like that I don't know I heard what I wanted to hear. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Will, stop, please. I'm getting a big head. Yeah. Oh, if you don't want us out here

in your house, you must want us out there doing a live podcast. We must be the best of it. Don't use my fucking house as a studio, cunt. So,

he said something very nice about us like that in some interview or whatever and I was like i thought about it i was like yeah fuck they they really they're a big party they're a big awesome live show yeah it's there's a lot of moving parts to it we do we actually do a lot of prep yeah for it um and there's a real party atmosphere in it and always like i mean i don't know how many podcasts for sure to do this but but that end in the same way that our ones end, which is basically us saying, hey, hang around.

We're going to stick around and have probably half a dozen beers at least if you want to stick around and have a chat or fuck around or talk or whatever it is. So, yeah, that's sort of like slightly an ad for our live shows or whatever coming up. But, yeah, look, they're always really fun. And we're always keen for a chat, unless you're like some of the people out there that really want to, you know, they go, fuck, we finally get to meet these guys that we've listened to for years, and I finally get to tell them what's wrong with their show. Yeah, look, some post events are better than others. Yes.

I think that's fair to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've had some recently where we're like, why are we making ourselves available? Yeah, sometimes I have a great time afterwards. Sometimes I'm back in my hotel or whatever going, I am absolutely exhausted. I have just been fucking abused for 45 minutes.

Yeah, yeah. Usually it's really good. Usually it's really good. Usually it's great. Most of the time it's great. I'm always happy to go and do that stuff because I enjoy it and I enjoy talking to all you crazy guys out there. Yeah, bro. All right.

Let's move on to number three on the countdown. This is episode number 423, Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds from the Dollop. Well, of course this is going to get voted up. Anytime we do anything with The Dollop, I mean, The Dollop, they're massively successful in the podcast realm. But I also do think, like anything that's got anything to do with them, people just laugh.

But I also think we have a very good dynamic and track record. And every time we do an episode with them, it's a real cracker. Always a highlight of the year for me, doing these Eps. Yeah. And if we're lucky enough to get a bit of time and hang out with those boys afterwards, as we did after this, yeah, always, always awesome to see those two. Yeah. Such a fun time.

So this episode... We were a bit hungover. We were very hungover. One of those aforementioned spending all night talking to people after our show at the Comics Lounge in Melbourne. Yeah, that was a massive show as well. That was a great show as well. I don't think it showed too much, but the content was excellent in the show.

Yeah, look, there was a nice little story to it. So this episode, if you listen to the full version of, there is basically a whole episode's worth of story. A little bit too hard to take highlights out of that once it gets going. So this is a great bunch of fucking around and riffing from pretty much before the story kicks in. So, yeah, you can listen back to this episode and hear the full story of you getting a phone call from a lady.

But you're about to hear the start of the episode, which is just four pals having a fucking great time. So here it is. This is your number three episode for 2018. We should check in. Dave, are you still coming or not? Yeah. You're making it, right? I'm still trying to figure out if I can make it. Are you going to come?

It's last June. Can you make it? I'm still waiting to see if the – There's a thing with the job. You need to let us know soon, honestly. Yeah, yeah. We'll see what they say about the job. Last June is going to be here before you know it.

Yeah, yeah. There's only about minus four months to go. So if you can let us know. Hurry. Yeah. So, yeah, there's a thing with a job. So I just got to try and figure that out. What?

A what? A job. A what? It's like a website that charges you, but. To be fair, you are trying to explain a job to Tommy. This is going to be a tough one. It's like when you draw. Yes.

Except it's a place you go to to draw, and then people tell you what to draw. Like a library. Yeah. Like kindergarten. Let's end it here and say, yep, it is a library. Yeah, it's a library. You to to draw and then people tell you what to draw. Like a library. Yeah. Let's end it here and say, yep, it's a library. You got a job at a library. Yes, exactly. That's cool. You bailed on Thailand to go tell people to shush?

Yeah. Tommy, it's like you drawing except something useful. Okay, right. That's what a job is. Like if what you were doing wasn't always a waste of time. Okay, right. I can't even imagine anything like that. Even if I wasn't hung over beyond anything.

Well, draw a sketch of yourself doing a job. Okay. And yeah, that might help it sink in a little. Yeah, like you sitting down working at a computer or something like that. Hang on. You're trying to explain a job. Now you're going to have to explain the term work. Oh, shit.

Yeah, this is fun. So you go to a place and you do stuff all day and then people pay you at the end of the week for doing something all week. So it's like I'm shit and should kill myself. I just realized we're way too high up in this building for people to talk like this. I wouldn't say you should kill yourself

because your eating habits are doing that. Yes. I'm glad you've noticed. Someone follows me. Oh, man. I don't feel so hungover now. Yeah, Carl's catching a break. I don't know if you guys, we've told you this before on other episodes,

but my phone number is out there for the listeners, which is cool. God damn it, you still haven't changed it? You're still... You realize you're out of your fucking mind, right? Yeah, get him, Dave. Tell him what a job is, Dave. Fuck this guy. So wait,

you just will get messages, just... Oh, man. Like when you're at your job, some asshole will just call. Yes, job. Do you know what that's like? asshole will just call. Yes. Job. Do you know what that's like? I know what a job is. We've moved on. I committed to the riff at the time.

I'm trying to get on with my life. I'm trying to rebuild. One way to get on with your life is to get a job. God damn it. So, a couple of mean boys. It's anything. I'm just on the same couch. You're encouraging it. Well, he's killing it.

I mean, he really has a great point. I mean, I just tried to bite my tongue. Oh, man. Yeah, so my number's out there. Actually, I'll tell you this, because I feel like every time we have you guys on, I have a story that's fucked about myself, and then you guys get to...

I just feel like that's your life. You mean like when you wore pyjamas for stand-up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which has probably been two of our episodes. Yeah. I mean, we did the one about your pyjamas and then in the next one we remembered about the pyjamas and did another one on the pyjamas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deep dive.

I should have tried to think if anything else happened with pyjamas. I don't think there was. I don't think anything else bad happened apart from... Because that only went for about four months. So I don't think it's a long time. You got a lot of juice out of that,

especially when that guy dumped coins on you. We were talking about that. The ethnic comedian that paid you in coins. People are still trying to guess who that is. They're all wrong too.

They are all wrong too. No one's gotten it. No. So my phone number is out there and this is what happened a couple of months ago. Can I just... Did they, post it on forums? Like, is it on –

Yeah, it was on some wiki pages and stuff like that. So I was getting a lot at some point, and then I found out where it was coming from, and I had that shut down. But I'm still getting it because it's on an episode, so people go back and find it. But now on Facebook, people will just get on. Rather than just ask for the number, people will ask what episode they can go and find one. Which you've got to appreciate that they're at least happy to do the work themselves to find it.

Look, what's that? Oh, I don't know. We're getting more downloads out of it. Yeah, that one episode is just through the roof. We should get that episode sponsored. So we're getting a lot of it. Oh, my God, yeah. But I don't know if it's worth it to listen to one of your episodes

to get the number. Well, yeah, you can just ask me for my phone number. Did you like when I asked you for my phone number? Yeah, that was good. That was good stuff. And I tried to call you on it before, and it's not even connected anymore. Yeah, they shut it down. That's why I couldn't use it.

They gave me another one. When Dave was entering the country, he asked us for his phone number. I think he might have been hitting on himself. Sending pictures of his dick to himself. Yeah, did I get them? Did I get those? I've got to track this monster down. Oh, this guy's doing it again.

It's me. So it reminds me because last night, whenever we do a live show, people are just ringing me during the show, which is always good. Oh, my God. What? Just trying to fuck the show up.

Just trying to make their experience not as good. Right. Yeah, interrupt me. That's fucking amazing. Well, it's interactive. It's a bit of fun, isn't it? It's interactive, which show up. Just trying to make their experience not as good. Right. Yeah. Interrupt me. Well, it's interactive. It's a bit of fun, isn't it? It's interactive, which is exactly. It's fun.

To be fair, I do enjoy the timing because any time I'll have notes on my phone, I pull it out of the live show, I go, oh, just read this, and immediately someone rings me. Just looking over at your shoulder at the screen, it's just notifications just. It's a shame because I'm now being smart enough to put it on airplane mode as we're doing the show, but then I'll need to check something online during the show and I'll check it and it'll just go...

You're the smartest to get a new phone number. Yeah, and I said that last night. It's like, now I'm smart enough after six years to work out how to use airplane mode. Yeah, I've kind of figured out a system that I think is pretty foolproof. Somebody's killing it. He's on the phone trying to Google how to turn on airplane mode. Just ask calls.

All right. I'm sorry. I'm actually calling that guy back on accident. I don't know. They just popped up out of nowhere. So I get a lot of texts. I get a lot of stuff sent to me or whatever. But the general rule of thumb is when people want to try and prank me or whatever is that they'll hide their number.

So I'll get a private number. So that's generally the rule of thumb. If I get a private number ringing me, I'm like, I know what this is about. You're a coward. You want to do this, but you don't want my number. You're a coward. I don't know if they're a coward because your number is just out there. It's not like they're calling up to fight you. They're just fucking with you.

Well, I think at the very least, if they want to do that, own it. Give me your number. There's etiquette. No, hold on. They're not stupid. That's all it is. I didn't say stupid. They don't want just anyone to have their number.

They're smarter people. Exactly. It can't be a fair fight. You need to give me your number for this to continue. I totally disagree with you, but go ahead. So I'm like, okay, I'm not going to answer. If it's a private number, I'm not going to answer. But if the number comes up, I'm like, okay, this is a fair fight now.

So I did that. The number comes up. And to be fair also, like some people say, why are you answering random numbers? Well, I'm like one of my co-hosts. I have work, you know, as well. So people ring up about stuff. Which co-host?

It could be anyone. I don't want to be libelous and talk about anyone. It could be anyone you're talking about. I'm multiple co-hosts. Like I don't want to give out my number. I don't want to give out names, anything. There's 57 of us that host this show. You know when you go to Happy Jacks and the people who give you the food?

What? That's a job. Those people have jobs. What's Happy Jacks? Hungry Jacks, I think you mean. Whatever. Happy Jacks, now you're the stupid one. I shame upon thee.

Oh, man, you know what? I'm going to give out on the show Dave's phone number that doesn't work. Everyone will get to text me. Oh, yeah, I'm going to read that out now. Let's do it. Actually, give it to Dave. He's dying to talk to himself. Now it's got to be someone else's number. No, it's not. It went straight to voicemail.

No, I was going to say, for a second I was like, fuck, whose number is it then? Because I have been texting it. They wouldn't let me have it back. Oh, really? Yeah, they wouldn't give it to me back. Should I read it out? I don't know who cares. So I'm leaving the States, and I can't figure out what my fucking number is,

and I ask you guys, and you send it to me, and then I put like $50 on it, so I'll have it while I'm here. And then I show up, and it's not working, so I go into Vodafone. I'm like, hey, this isn't working. And they go, yeah, they shut it down. And I go, okay, so can we transfer that $50 to a new one and they go no it's just gone

wow I'm like what you just stole money basically and it was Tommy who was helping you there wasn't it yeah

yeah I work at Vodafone I think that's worse than not having a job it's me supplementing my comedy income by working at Vodafone signing people up

to phone plans you just keep giving Carl's number out. Call this one if you have any problems. Call this number. They, whoever they are, have done it again. You think so? Absolutely. Interesting.

I feel like I've already said it too much this episode, but if you think that, I'm happy to follow suit. I'm happy to say it for the first time this episode. Great. Yeah. And you've made the right call there. I'll be happy to say it again after the next episode. I'm so confident.

So then I'll have done it again. Yeah, right. Interesting. Interesting. Yep. But yeah, great fun. The dollop always good

great dynamic in this one as always yeah good to see Dave again after Koh Samui lots of fun over there with him great I mean

I mean you know when we definitely hear if he's coming or not yep to last year's show yep that'll be very exciting

yep yep any minute now any minute we'll probably I haven't even been looking at my phone as we've been doing this we've probably got the message he's pretty good with the email so yeah Last year's show. Yep. That'll be very exciting. Yep. Yep. Any minute now. Any minute. We'll probably, I haven't even been looking at my phone as we've been doing this. We've probably got the message. He's pretty good with the email. As we're doing it now, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll probably get a call from that Australian number of yours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we went out to, we went out for a nice little dinner. We went out for a nice little Italian meal after this episode in honour of me. Yeah. Did we?

And my family. Yeah, we did. Oh, right. We were going to go to Rockpool and then we went to... Yeah, I thought you were saying it was your birthday or something, but it wasn't, was it? No, it was Italian. It was an Italian restaurant.

You guys were like, what kind of cuisine should we have? And then you looked at me and my naturally oily skin and went, I know where we should go. Mamma mia. Look at this guy. He's given me a few I know where we should go. Mama Mia. Looking at this guy, he's giving me a few ideas about what we should have for dinner. I looked at your little bib that was already covered in pasta from lunch and I thought, I want some of that. Yes.

So, should we move on to number two? I guess. We are getting into the pointy end of the countdown here. This is exciting. Episode number two for the countdown is episode number 399, Dave Hughes and Dave O'Neill. Oh, now this was fun. This was awesome. So this is, yeah, I guess this is a great one.

This is a great example of you bring a story into the show. It's not just like, people obviously like stories better than us turning up and going, oh, what else is going on and trying to make something up. So, yeah, look, bunch of great stories. This is something that's been on the back burner for years. This is what we're about to talk about. It's a private joke between us. Something happened to me online.

I didn't really think it would work within the podcast or whatever it was but we kept talking about it for years making private jokes even with other comedians, making them laugh, showing them the transcript of this exchange and we also thought that Husey would be, I don't know

what we thought Husey would react like if we brought it up to him. Let's hear the clip and then we'll talk about it at the end. So here it is, number two, Dave Hughes and Dave O'Neill. Now, what I got a while back was I copped someone trying to ask for a gig to the Felix Barr comedy page. Now, the thing is, that gig hasn't run for two or three years. Yeah. But they found the page on Facebook, and it says, all over the page, it says, we do not

run anymore. Final gig, 2005 or 2015, whatever it is, no longer running, final gig, all that sort of stuff. Profile pic is just an image that says, we're done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lethal. Totally. I reckon that's longer than three years ago.

Do you reckon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But say, yeah, that's probably three or four years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I copped a message like that asking for a gig. And so I just want to, now this is something that me and Tommy particularly love, and you've got like a bit of an involvement in it. Yeah.

So I just want to read out some of the transcripts of it. So this guy hits me up. Hi, to whom it may concern, my name is Redacted, and I'm interested in performing at the next open mic event at your venue. Again, it was an open mic as well, but anyway. Whatever. Yeah. How can I get a spot? Thanks. Here's my email address. I go, hitting

up a comedy page on Facebook without coming to the venue or reading any of the details is absolutely the best way to do it. You're in for next Friday. And the details on the page is we do it every Wednesday as well. So he goes, sorry, but I'm working next Friday night. So I got knocked back.

So I go, okay, let's make it Saturday. And he goes, Saturday, August 9. I go, sure, probably. It's not a paid gig, but I can offer you three free tickets, 30 free tickets to Radiohead's next show. Is that okay? He says, yes, that would be great. Thank you.

Thank you. What's your name? And I say, Rick Mitchell, because that's the name of a very annoying open mic at the time. Rick Mitchell. The punchline to that would be, every time, because I run a lot of rooms and I do the podcast, all that sort of stuff, everyone tends to think I'm like the switchboard that I know everyone in comedy. So what's Yuzi's number?

What's Dave O'Neill's number? And I got so sick of it that I went, you know what? I'm giving out Rick Mitchell's phone number from now on. He doesn't do it anymore. So I would put that out to everyone. So this guy must have copped so many calls going, hey, Akmal,

do you want to come and do this gig? Is this Jamal? He probably turned up. I would have gone, yeah, I'll do it. I still remember the time I tried to call Michael Chamberlain to ask him something and bugger me down, who should pick up the phone? But the great man, Rick Mitchell. I did do it to everyone.

Yeah, I copped it once. So I say, Rick Mitchell. And this guy goes, okay, so this is just a five-minute spot. And I say, no, 45 minutes. He says, okay, but at this point,'m only in the five to ten minute rage. He says, and I say, well, you blew it, buddy. I need a great headliner and I thought you had it in you. I don't have time for silly buggers, okay?

I will be emailing every comedy club owner about your charlatan-like behavior. You will rue the day you missed with me, Rick Mitchell, phone number 0423. And then gave out his number. So he says, sorry, Rick, I was only inquiring about five-minute open spots as I am a new comic. Am I still able to perform perhaps a support spot, for example? And I said, okay, you've got a silver tongue, buddy, and you've talked your way back into my good books.

I have a 43-minute support spot on the same night. Are you available? He says, I'm available to perform. But because, I don't know if I've mentioned this, I'm new, I only have 10 to 15 minutes of material. Oh, he's gone up. He's written another five. He might have five minutes on Mitchel at this point.

He's starting to believe in himself. Build it and they will come. It's the secret. He says, what if I get someone else and we can share the bill? I said, oh, do you know comedians? Who? Do you know Hughsey? He's very popular in Australian comedy.

He says, no, Michael Connell. It's a bit of a step down. A bit of a step down. I said, well, if you know Hughsey, you could do like 35 minutes and he could do 10 minutes of support. Could be a great solution. He says, don't you mean I would do 10 minutes?

Don't you mean I could do 10 minutes and Michael Connell could do 30? And I said, who is Michael Connell? I said, Dave Hughes. Listening is a very important part of Australian comedy. Are you torturing this poor guy? We need to get this guy.

You need him on your podcast. I love this guy. I really love this guy. He's a go-getter. He says, I don't think he does comedy anymore. Have you got his number? No, this guy still does comedy. Can you bring him?

We want to talk to him. Let's finish this. All right, yeah. He says, I do not know Dave Hughes. Unfortunately, I do not know any high-profile comedians. At this point, I can only do a five-minute spot. So he's gone back there. I've knocked the wind out of him.

Poor bugger. Which is obviously not what you want. So I will leave it there and keep getting new material until I have a solid hour. Thank you, Rick. Sorry for wasting your time. Oh, that's nice. I say, okay, thanks, Jake. See you next Saturday.

I'll light you at 40. Rick, Rick, I do not have 40. Rick, I do not have 40. That's the best thing I've ever heard. Hang on, you need to publish this. This needs to be published. Rick, Rick, I do not have 45 minutes set. I can only do five to ten minutes.

I say, huh? Why did you say you could do 40 minutes then? I've already printed the posters. People are excited to see Hughsy. What am I supposed to tell them? If I'm him, I'm going, who's this printer you use? This is incredible. Turnaround time.

Is he in on it? He's not in on it, is he? No. I don't think he's aware. I love him. What a straight baddies player. Oh, God. He says, Rick, I'm sorry, but I can't do a minute set.

So I don't know where. Now he's can't. He's losing it. He's shedding minutes by the second. I cannot do a minute set. He's giving up comedy at this point. And I don't know Dave Hughes. I hope you realize that.

I hope you are joking. I said, mate. Oh, there you go. I go, mate, I didn't get into comedy to be around jokes. If you can only do 35 minutes, tell me now and don't beat around the bush. He says, I can only do 10 minutes. What a rollercoaster. He's back. I say, okay, okay, I get the message, Jake.

Do you know any songs? I need you to stretch to 15 to 20 minutes minimum. I've only ever seen Hughsy do five minutes on the gala, so I have a feeling we can't rely on him to do any longer. He says, I can try to stretch to 15 minutes, but no more, and no, I cannot do any songs. I say, okay, well, I assume you and Hughsy will be arriving together, maybe work out a song in the car.

Doesn't have to be a duet. Maybe he can sing and you can rap in the background. Up to you. I don't want to be some big boss guy. This is Homer's Odyssey. Yeah. He responds with my favourite, our favourite bit of the whole transcript, which is the simple sentence, I don't know Hughes.

Not I don't know Hughsy, not I don't know Dave Hughes, but I don't know Hughes. I don't know Hughes-y. Not I don't know Dave Hughes, but I don't know Hughes. I don't know Hughes. Which we are fascinated by. I love this guy, honestly. I don't think anyone's ever said to you, no one describes you as Hughes. No. Just so you know, the whole time we've been organising doing this podcast today,

all of our communication has been, are we on for doing the podcast with Hughes? Hughes. He says, I don't know Hughes. When did this happen? When did this happen? This was a couple of years ago. Oh, I love it. I want this guy still to be alive.

He is. I've seen him around. You have. He's still around, apparently. I want to know how many minutes he thinks he has now. Have you seen him on stage? No, I haven't. I haven't.

Tommy, have you seen him on stage? I haven't seen him on stage, no. All right, so here comes another highlight. So we love I Don't Know Hughes. This has been something we've talked about for two years alone. If I still ran my gig, I'd be booking this guy. Oh, definitely. For five minutes.

I'll put in a word to the new runners. From now on, when I have Hughes here as a headliner, I'm just going to put Hughes. Sorry. Do you know him? I don't know Hughes. I don't really think you should publish an exchange. At least in the Australian comedy community,

this would be a lot of fun. It's like shit my dad says. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit an open mic has said. Yeah, right. So he says, I don't know Hughes. I say, if Hughesy doesn't show, I don't know what to do then. If you only have 15 minutes, what happens in the other 25 minutes?

Do you have a projector? What's your favorite episode of Fawlty Towers? We could play that. Which one? The Manuel episode? Whoops, I fell over. He says, Rick, I don't know Hughes, and I can only do 10 to 15 minutes. Let's back up.

So then he says this. He says that, right? And then he says the next line, which we are also in love with. He says, Rick, I don't know Hughes. I can only do 10 to 15 minutes. Is everything Rick? Is everything Rick? He's obviously meant is everything okay, Rick, and forgot the okay.

But he said, is everything Rick? He's obviously meant is everything okay, Rick, and forgot the okay. But he said, is everything Rick? To which I respond, everything is Rick. He's worried about your mental health. Well, there you go. There's the name of the book right there. Everything is Rick. That's the self-help book. Is everything Rick?

So what was the exchange? Was that over a few days or was it just one back and forth? That's one day. Just one sitting? That's one day. That's one sitting. Was that back and forth? Yes. one sitting. That's one sitting. That's one sitting. Was that back and forth? In one day.

In real time? Yes. Like live? Yes. Great. Yeah, so it was like a live chat. Yes. Yeah, right.

I'm intrigued by how that all went down. You just heard how it all went down. I love it. I love it. So he's still around. I don't know whether we should reveal the name because he's a new over-micro and it was, look, some people might think that's a bit mean, but I was at my wits' end.

You get hit up by Simon. You get a lot. That was just funny. That was just fun. That was a bit of fun. Yeah, no, if he can't handle that, he shouldn't quit comedy anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's got to be.

Oh, God, well, tell me off air then. I really want to know who it is. I want to see a photo of him. Yeah. I'm so glad after us discussing that for many, many years now, I'm so glad that it's out in the public domain. I feel free. Yeah, I feel free.

It's a big weight off our chest because we were scared. We thought maybe you might find a fence in it or something. No, no, I find a fence in many things, but not that. Yeah, we thought we'd come in here and maybe we'd read it out and then everything wouldn't be Rick. But it's a relief to know. And then, Yuzi, can we just get you to sign off? Yeah.

You know what? Everything is Rick. He said it. He said it. God, I'm glad I know Hughes. And that guy will know Hughes as well. He'll know Hughes. You want to hang out with him.

He will know Hughes. It's my life mission now. You put it out into the world and then great things can happen. He'll get it. After reading that, I think it's pretty clear that he doesn't know Hughes and he has a problem at the moment. Do you want to do the honours? They've done it again. So, yeah, as we said before the clip, we had talked about it a couple of times,

like should we ever tell this on the show? I think there was a big chance that we may have not ever done it because we thought that, yeah, maybe Husey would be, I don't know, shitty about it or something. Yeah, maybe not see the funny side of it. I don't know why. He loved it. But we were like, well, we don't know Husey.

We don't know Huse that well. Yeah. We know Huse, but we don't know she's we don't know hughes that well yeah we know hughes but we don't know hughes that well yeah um but we get along with fine we just didn't know it's it's weird to to to walk into someone that you don't know and say here's a big thing we find very funny where we've involved your name in it yeah the whole time it's not even really a story about here it's like it's like, you're being used as a joke in this exchange. We used your name to bully someone. Yes. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you, bully. But I think we organized this one specifically to tell the story because I think – was that what happened? Like we booked Hughes and then we went, let's get Dave O'Neill because at the very least he'll help with this, I think. I think he'll be some sort of a help with this story. I do remember you frantically five minutes before the episode trying to find the screenshots of the exchange. Right, right.

So I don't know if there was that much forethought in it. No, no, no. I think there was. I think there was. I think there was a bit where we definitely – we did the rest of the episode, which is fun, very fun. But there's a reason we left it till the end. So just in case it didn't work. It's pretty funny after that clip where it's like us all just coming down off just laughing so hard.

And then it's like, well, that'll do. Yeah. And also, I don't think we've talked about this, but straight after that, you know, this whole thing of this guy that we never mentioned saying, I don't know Hughes. Yeah. We then found, I think, two different pictures of him posing with Hughes.

Yes, with Hughes. So it's just us sending pictures to each other going, he knows Hughes after all. He does know Hughes. Yeah, that was great. Getting a message from a comedian friend going, hey, it's this guy that you're talking about, isn't it? And going, yes.

And then him going, so I presume you've seen this. And then fucking lo and behold. Yeah, really, really good stuff. Yeah. But you know what? Look, happy to have it happen. And great that everyone who listens enjoyed it and enjoyed the story and everything.

But I will say, in terms of you and me saying the quotes from that story to each other, it's killed the story for us. But, you know, happy to take that sacrifice. Oh, no, totally. There was a time when not a day went past where one of us wouldn't say, do you know Hughesughes or everything is yeah yeah and now it feels weird oh i feel a tiny bit dirty from taking it out of the secret canon of comedian talk yeah where there was a bunch of comics that would still say that to each other

yeah and now we've just like exposed it to the world i think harley breen at one point was pretty close to getting it tattooed on him oh yeah he got into it he loves it yeah he absolutely fucking loves it yeah yeah yeah he was one yeah he was one that was was uh reacted extremely strongly to it when i first showed him he has a photoshop of you as gary chook so you're like really playing it up to the crowd and then he's photoshopped the hair from Rick, from Rick and Morty onto you. And he's written everything is Rick underneath. Right.

And he used to send that to us pretty regularly. Great. So that's five through two. So the recap is what? Number five was? Scott Doolin, Luke Heggie, Crunchy Gate. That was the Crunchy Gate story. That was when I entered the cat into the cat food competition.

Yep, yep. Then it was number four, Live in Perth with Cody Capper and Adam Knox. Live in Perth, so that's me announcing the baby. Yep, yep. Then 4.23, we had Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds, the dollop, fucking around, talking about your phone number and everything. Me doing the phone number and the response to that yep yep and then just then we heard 399 dave hughes and dave o'neill telling the story of my exchange with an

open mic controlling an open mic everything is rick are you ever gonna fucking have a story on this show yeah yeah i i'm boring though nothing ever happens to me. Get out there and fucking kick something. I know. I know. Well, you know what? I guess I can tell you this. Break into someone's house. I guess I can tell you this.

What? I was that open mic. You are my baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've got some stuff. I've got some stuff for the next couple of weeks. Oh, 2019.

Yeah. The year of Tommy Daslow stories. Having a story. Top five dominated by Tommy Daslow. Yeah. Cannot wait. Hopefully. Cannot wait.

Be glad for someone to fucking carry the burden of fuck things happening to them. For me to be able to point at someone and laugh, that would be quite sweet. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I, I am,

I am getting increasingly self-conscious about that. Like how, I just have nothing happen to me. Make it happen. Yeah. You know, I don't know. I made all those things happen. None of those were accidents. I made the phone number happen.

I made the phone, the phone number is me. The phone number. Your phone number being out there. Yeah, but... I'm... I... I deserve at least, I think, 10% credit for that one. Yeah, but that phone number story is the story of the ad going up.

Yeah. But I sort of created that by putting that guy's phone number out there and saying, have at it, everyone. Yeah, but you got harassed by him in the first place because of me playing the long game years ago. This is desperate, isn't it? This is like one of these Ancestry.com results where it's like, oh, you're 3% North African.

Oh, wow. Well, I'm under attack. I'm trying to defend myself. Fine. I like a bit of back and forth. It's fine. It's fine. All right. But, hey, look, we could be about to I'm trying to defend myself. Fine. I like a bit of back and forth. It's fine. It's fine. All right.

But, hey, look, we could be about to be proved wrong by number one. Yeah, definitely we could be. So, look, you know, I think you know what's coming. You online trolls out there, you big old heroes, you know in your hordes of numbers, you know who you voted for for number one. I hope you're proud of yourself. We wanted the most popular thing.

Now, some people, I think, have voted against their own interests. Yeah. They've dishonestly – this is like a donkey vote, isn't it? Yeah. To be honest, I did contemplate not even putting this one into the poll. Right. Because I just thought, well, I know what's going to happen. Yeah.

What's the fucking point? Yeah. And as if that's the best episode of the poll. Right. Because I just thought, well, I know what's going to happen. Yeah. What's the fucking point? Yeah. And as if that's the best episode of the year. This is like the Bodie McBoatface of podcast voting, isn't it? Yes. Poddie McPodface. Yes. Not cool.

Poddie McPod-eyes. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's a real boat that transports real people, you know, that keeps people alive. You know, it's not some shit barge with a hole in the bottom. It's a proper boat. And then people had to go in there and be so stupid as to name it something silly. And this is of equal importance, I think, in seriousness.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. And it's been made a complete mockery of by the riffraff that listen to this. Exactly. Like, this is a proper award. This is like rigging the Oscars to make Paulie Shaw best actor in Biodome. Totally. This is like rigging the Logies to make some big, fat, dumb cunt the best new talent.

Not cool, guys. That's pretty funny that that didn't get into the countdown at any point. We've had a big year, though. We have had a big year. Yeah. All right. Countdown at any point We've had a big year though We have had a big year Yeah Alright well Do we want to just Should we just

Go to the clip And then fucking We'll play a little bit of it And then Yeah I don't know I mean look I'd love to just

I'd love to just kind of You know Count this out And then just do You know Five to one From the ones after this Do you know what I mean

Yeah Like I would have loved to But I'm too much of a slave to the format where I feel like we've got to – I would hate for people to somehow, like, the results to get out and then us be accused of rigging this best of or not doing it properly. So we'll hear a little bit of it. And you know what I think about this?

I think a lot of people – all the people here that have voted for this episode are people that don't even particularly like this episode. They're just doing it for a joke. They're just doing it to get their rocks off. Yes, yes. To get their jollies. Typically, I'm a fan of people's rocks getting off. In this instance, I stand corrected.

So if you're one of these smart Alex that think it's funny to ruin our poll, at the very least, what you should do is listen to this clip now. You voted for it. Yeah. I feel like there's fools out there that are happy to just wreck the poll and walk away and just wash their hands of it. I think at the very least, you should listen to what you voted for. Yeah.

So open your ears, Bucko. Here we go. I'm not even going to say the number or the name of it. I was interested in you saying what the number of this one was going to be, but I was looking forward to that one. Everyone knows. They fucking know. We've telegraphed it enough.

So here we go. Good one, guys. Very explanatory who the guests are. Yep. Number one, here it is. And so this is the weird thing. This is the thing I'm trying to get my head around at the moment, Tom. So, over the years we've given you a lot of shit.

You're a very pro-refugee. Now, this is what I'm hearing from you before the show, the last couple of months. You're now anti-refugee. Is that right? Yeah. Well, I think there's new... Like, I've done the pro-refugee stuff. Made a shitload of money.

I've told you how much money I made. How much fucking money? What did you buy with it? Three houses. Wow. The very things that those refugees wanted, you made. I kicked refugees out of the house. See, you were telling us this off, Mike,

and you were like, do not dare bring this up on the show. And now you're just immediately happy to talk about it. Yeah, well, now I think it's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you are right are right yeah because they're brown right and um yeah so i've done that and now i reckon there's a new market like you the far right's coming up and stuff nazis are cool so this is just a marketing what you were doing before was just a ploy to make money totally yeah make some sweet cash there now i'm seeing your blair catrails that's picking up get into the right wing news court media be a far right activist

go down to the beach film some African people whip them up you know make some sweet dollars and then boom three more houses so the pro-refugee stuff

was like performance art that you were doing it was like an Andy Kaufman it's like the gay thing the refugee thing the gay thing's not right so this is all like

the gay thing's not real either this is like an Andy Kaufman sort of a character we've talked about this. Have we? Have we done this on the show? How many houses have you bought from being gay? You've got two refo houses.

How many gaybo houses have you got? I guess six now, I guess. Six? You have eight houses. Yeah, yeah. Eight houses. Yeah, I kicked some gay homeless people out of those. Oh, right.

So the money you make off each individual project, you specifically buy the houses that those people live in. To make their lives worse. Right, right, right. See, I was under the impression that you were like Jay Leno, that you've never touched your homosexual mom. So you're buying houses with it. That's how it works.

Yeah, that is how it works. So now, obviously, so you've got, what, eight houses, was it? I don't know, yep. You know, you told me. I don't even know how many houses I have. Fucking hell. That's huge. And I'm regularly in those houses having sex with women.

Oh, fuck. Whoa, you scoop. Nice. So Adam Richard always says on this show that he thinks that Joel Creasy is secretly straight. Yeah. But it's been Tom Ballard all along. Wow. So Adam Richard's fake gator is way off.

So now you're going to make all this money of pro anti-refugee. Yeah. And you're planning on buying houses off the back of that, obviously. Obviously, yeah. You have this sort of thing about houses. Yep. So who are you going to kick out to get their houses in this situation? In this situation?

Yeah. I guess if the logic follows, I would be buying houses from Nazis and kicking them out. Oh, right. Yes. Okay. That tracks. Right. That tracks. Right. That makes as much sense as everything else.

Sure. Why did that seem hard for you to answer? This is just your life we're talking about. This should be an easy question for you. Well, it hasn't happened yet, I guess. It has. He's only debuting these new ideals he has now. He's glimpsing into the future.

Have I ever done my Asian character for you guys? I'm not sure. Oh! I like noodles! Fuck, there's a house or two in that. I'll tell you that much. Here we go. Wow.

I'll do the next one. Wow. He did the mouth. Can we... Guys, do you reckon feminism's gone too far? Oh, great question. I'll feel this one. No comment.

Fucking bitches. Right. Wow. This is... I'll tell you what. People are not going to like this. I don't think... Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not going to be popular.

We should have a chat off mic about whether we release this one or not. This will get a lot of complaints. No one would vote for this if that was a thing. Yeah. That's for sure. Definitely. Yeah. But you know what?

This is... Oh, no. Please. I rubbed you wrong time. Fucking women. God, I love pussy. Wow, mixed messages there. Three catchphrases in one.

I think we're going to have to do an extra long episode of Talking Dumb Dumb after this to address what's going on on mic right now. This is so controversial. They've done it again. This is so controversial. I'll tell you why. That not even the second guest on this episode has even dared speak a word.

Nick Capper, what's going on? Nick Capper, what do you think about all this? I want nothing to do with this. As far as I'm concerned, the content of this episode so far stinks worse than me on a hot day. Oh, wow. Now you realise that you... Let me ask you this, Ballard, are there any showers in those houses you've bought?

Yeah, you can come have a shower if you like. No need. Not interested. What's your favourite sexual position? We've never talked about it. The reverse cowgirl. That seemed like a softball ready to hit, but anyway. I love 69ing, but I guess we're all different.

What is it that's so good about a 69er? Because I just think it's so boring. A 69er is more boring than a 20-minute routine about scented candles. Hell, Nick! Actually, speaking of, Roddy Changs has walked in too. Hey, Roddy. Roddy Changs is here as well. Because we forgot to mention, you haven't heard a lot of crowd response so far.

Because not only has the tech fucked it up, but of course, like we said at the top of the episode, this is live in Adelaide. They've done it again. We have absolutely not got one audience member here. And this has equaled our highest attendance in Adelaide, which is cool. Yeah, I love Adelaide. Special guests just dropped in. Ronnie Chagas actually just turned in.

Hello, you fucking idiots. You stupid fucking idiots. There are zero people in this crowd right now. That's an easy one for me to work out, but I wish there were more people because I'm autistic and I would be able to count the number of people in this room very quickly. Fuck. He said it himself.

I didn't think he usually says that. But, man, I guess it's a special occasion. We're in Adelaide. Why not pop out the good content for all the people that are there watching? Kappa, do you have any questions for Ronnie Chang at all? Yeah, something sounds a bit off about Ronnie. It's almost as if he didn't know he was going to be turning up to this and was absolutely put on the spot

and feeling pretty bad about having to perform under pressure like that. Oh, well, let's not ask Ronnie anything more then. Let's cut straight to Dave O'Neill there, because Dave O'Neill's here as well. Hi, poofs. No, Kappa, we're already here for you right now. Gotta go. I've left my kids in the car.

See you, poofs. Fuck. Wow. All the way to Adelaide just to just to do that he's driven to adelaide with the kids left him in the car for a minute and now he's back in the car driving back to melbourne all these people seem to be having a hard time performing on this show it's almost as if they're really hung over now tommy you've been quiet for ages what do you think i have been quiet for ages i'm just happy to sit here and, you know, bask in the vibe.

It's a real star-studded evening up here. It's a sign of a pro broadcaster where you have absolutely refused to talk over the top of either Nick Capa, Ronnie Chang, Dave O'Neill. You've given them their space. I feel like I listen back in too often. I feel like I can hear myself kind of talking over people. So that's why I'm trying to be better about that. So any time any of those people are talking, I will remain absolutely silent.

Great. Anyway, that's great because that will be very nice for our next guest, Hannah Gadsby. Hannah Gadsby. She's here. So you've had a big year, Hannah. Oh, can the tech fucking turn her mic on, please? Fucking typical. Fucking typical.

Fucking typical. We finally come to Adelaide to do a live show, and we get a coup. Hannah Gadsby's back on the show after the issues she's had, and the tech cannot even turn her fucking mic on. What is the point? It looks like she wants to comment on my previous comments about women. I think she had a few thoughts there.

I blame the male tech for this one. Again, I wish the people at home could hear this. She's got some great stuff to say about this. I'm so sorry, Hannah. I'm so sorry, Hannah. To be honest, I'm not sure why we don't just lend her one of our working microphones. But anyway, I guess what's done is done. I've gaffer-taped mine to my hand like I do in every live show that we do.

I really wish we had more of an audience for such a star-studded lineup. I think this is going quite well. This is one for the ages, I reckon. This really is one for the ages, yeah. Hey, I've got a bit of a bombshell to drop. Oh, really? And why not do it here in front of this bustling Adelaide audience? There's only been boring stuff so far, so finally we get some content.

I'm going to be having a kid. Faggot. Wait, what? Is that a suggestion for the name? Faggot Comedy. My last name isn't Comedy. You fucking idiot. What month is it again?

When are we recording this currently? This is in February. February. This is February 2018. Oh, it's hot. So, yeah, my baby. Well, finally, one of us is having a baby. Exactly.

One of the hosts. It'll be born by the end of the year. So I'm sure we'll be talking about, you know, there'll be nothing else on this show by December. Absolutely. And if it's never mentioned again, you must have really forced your partner into having an abortion, I assume. Yes, yes.

I'm not planning on doing it now, but I mean, who knows? Who knows how things could change for me in the next couple of months? Certainly, we would never bring that sort of thing up. So, if we've just heard nothing from you for the rest of the year, let's just say that that's assumed. It's because I'm too sad. Right, right, right. And I've forbidden you from talking about it.

Right, right, right. Because it makes me too sad to just, you know, remember. Sorry, but congrats. I don't know why I went straight to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I meant to say was. I'm not surprised in the slightest. What I meant to say was congratulations, man.

Thank you. Thank you. Carl, what would you say is your top five favourite things about Tommy's baby? Well, look, this has been sprung on me, but I'd say, one, the food that it will eat. The food that it will eat. Yes, yes. What else? Two, the cheap drinks it will get from its mother's bosom.

Yes. Yep, yep. I mean, that's so far, those are true of every baby, not just specifically my baby. Well, to be fair, I've never heard of your baby before a minute ago. Okay. So there's not a lot of the... You don't have a lot to work with. I think I'm doing pretty well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With what I've never heard of your baby before a minute ago. Okay. So there's not a lot of the – I think I'm doing pretty well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With what I've got to work with.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it is already a baby because I do honestly believe that life begins immediately after conception. Okay, right, right, right, right. Okay. Well, I'm glad we got to the top five list before we get to any other details that you know about your own baby. Yes, sure. But, yeah, number three, what would my next favorite thing be? Let me think.

The idea of it being on the beach? Yep. Maybe? The idea of it being on the beach. Well, I haven't seen it on the beach. The thought of it being on the beach makes you happy. Beach babe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's cuter in my head than a toddler on the beach enjoying life? Yeah, rolling around in the sand, making a little sand castle. Being bitten by ants, all that sort of stuff. All that sort of stuff. All that cute baby stuff. Yep, yep. in the sand, making a little sand castle. Being bitten by ants, you know, all that sort of stuff. Yeah, all that sort of stuff. All that cute baby stuff. Yeah, yeah. Getting attacked by a bull ant. Yes.

Dying of venom. Yes, yeah. Just cute baby things. The tide coming in, absolutely engulfing it. The poor little thing can't breathe. Yeah. The water flooding its esophagus. Yeah.

All that sort of stuff. Cool. Gastelot, can I borrow some money off your baby when it's born? I love that you finally, that the baton's been passed on from you borrowing money to someone else on the show borrowing money. It does feel really good. It does feel really, really good. Now you can see what we had so much fun over the years.

Exactly, yeah. I like how Cap is staying silent and only chiming in when he's got absolute gold. That's how you know you're in the presence of a master. If only Hannah had grabbed his mic. I know. Yeah, she's gone now, by the way. To be fair, why would you grab something that Cap has grabbed? Exactly, yeah.

Disgusting. So, yeah, that's three. What have you got? Four and five. The accommodation that the baby will be living in. It's current accommodation? That it's currently living in, yes. The miracle of nature that provides babies in tummies.

What a great place. I think that's the fourth most favourite thing I have in my head about your baby. About my baby, yeah, where it's currently living. And then what about number five? Number five. Should we do five? Fuck. Five.

What are you trying to... You seem like you're trying to remember it. Like when I just sprung this on you a moment ago. Well, remember slash think of something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but you keep saying fuck. You're really straining hard to think. What would you think I would?

It seems to me like you're trying to run away from answering this question. Seems like you seem very beached at the moment. Haven't I done that one? No. Yeah, he's done that one. No, no, no. No, no, no. It seems like you're, you know. I done that one? No. Yeah, he's done that one. No, no, no. No, no, no. It seems like you're, you know...

Running on the beach? Yes. Yeah. Didn't I say the baby on the beach? Well, then, in that case, number three was wrong. Well, I mean, not wrong. Right. There's no wrong answers to the question...

Yes, of course. ...what do you like most about my future baby? Yes. Yeah. So what would you suggest another answer be? Well, maybe the fact that, you know, when the baby's born most about my future baby. Yes. Yeah. So what would you suggest another answer be? Well, maybe the fact that, you know, when the baby's born and then we work out that it's got all its senses are working properly, one thing that it'll be able to enjoy is the weather.

Oh, yeah. Right. Okay. That's a great idea. I love the temperature of your baby because it's cooking at the moment. It's forming. It's at the right temperature in there, like a bun in the oven, that's a great reason to like a baby.

This is the best episode I've been on this year, guys. This is easily the best episode I've been on so far in 2018. I came to Adelaide, my favourite city for this. Yeah, I know. This is actually the worst thing that's ever happened to you in Adelaide, I think, so. No. Okay, this is actually the worst thing that's ever happened to you in Adelaide, I think.

We really should have given out some comps or something to try and get an audience here. I feel like we'd be bringing a bit more to the table if this place was full. Well, yeah. I mean, at the moment, we've only announced that you're having a child. Yeah. And Tom Ballard's now right wing. Yeah. And we've got these great guests. I mean, if we had an audience, we really would have pulled out the big guys.

Imagine who'd be here if there was an actual audience. Whereas in actual, there's still one guest left, obviously. Oh, wait, I can see them coming in the door right now. Look, everyone, it's Joel Creasy. Hey! I'm straight. Thanks, Joel. Thanks, sir. Bye! I'm straight Thanks Joel Thanks Bye

I'm very rich Hard to believe We're only six minutes Into the episode We have to do this For 54 more minutes Hey guys I know I said

That I was straight before But there's no one here I'm pretty bored Do you guys want to fuck? That would be That would be pretty cool Yeah Do you mind if I Do a little character while I fuck?

Yeah, that's fine. It's a man by the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's just a kink that I have. That's how my child was conceived. All right, well, bend over and let me fuck you down. Okay. Do it. Do it now.

That's great stuff. Wow. That is honestly great stuff. Did you, when your child was conceived and now they're sitting in your partner's tummy, did you say, it's not a tumor? Very nice. From an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Yeah, I did say that.

Kindergarten cop. I did say that. Who is your partner, by the way? Who's the father? Mrs. Comedy. Mrs. Comedy. Mrs. Comedy. You've impregnated a... I've impregnated Mrs. Comedy. Who's the father? Mrs Comedy You've impregnated a married woman What do you think about that?

Does it put the fear of God into you? No I think they're entirely the wrong words What does Mr Comedy think about this? He doesn't know yet. So, yeah, I might have to edit this out of the actual pod when we put it up. I think you'll have to edit a lot of things out of the pod. Dude, that family pays us a lot of money.

Don't shit where you eat, bro. Right. They do? Yeah. Okay. I think at this point in the year they do. I think at this point in the year they don't pay us that much. Okay, right.

I've only heard about a handful of them. Right. Maybe if there was another 10 more. No, more than that. A lot more. Right. I would walk back from this. Okay.

I'm sticking to my guns. Man, congratulations again. Thank you. Thank you. That's great. So is it going to take Daslow or Allsop or Comedy as a surname? I think it's going to have to take Comedy as a surname. And how long along is the gestation period?

It's three months. Three months? Along, yeah. Right, right. So my baby will be born in August. Right, okay. Yeah. Great.

Anyway, guys, make sure you watch Tonightly 9.30pm On ABC Comedy Every night A very popular And well loved Comedy show That is on now Here in February

And will continue For many years to come It rates its ass off too Yeah I think That's going to be One of those shows That's just around Forever

Forever and ever I want to kill myself I think What? Yeah I'm going to Kill myself right now Oh right Now on the air

But we were just About to do Rad Dad. Do it. You have so much to live for. Not a moment too soon. I've fucked Tommy. I've done everything I wanted to do. What?

He's actually pulled out a gun. Click. Bye. See you, mates. Well, now that my ex-housemate is gone, I have nothing to live for. Oh, my God. Including that baby. I'm going to kill myself as well. No, don't live for. Including that baby. I'm going to

kill myself as well. No, don't do it, Tommy. No, Tommy, don't kill yourself. I'm going to kill myself first by just taking a whiff of my own armpits. I'm dead. Oh, Kappa. Gone too soon. Beautiful

Nick Kappa. Well, that's it. I can't believe this is happening. I'm heading off. I'm going the way of Capa and I'm going the way of Ballard. You know, it's time for me to just read out the final Patreon name, Suicide Comedy. Thanks, Suicide. Oh, my God.

Now it's just down to me and Dave O'Neill. It's only me and you, Dave O'Neill. Please. Please. Stay with me. I'm surrounded by three dead bodies now. Hey, man. And me, Joel Creasy.

What do you do for a living, mate? Oh, Undertaker. Yeah, good stuff. All right. Bye, poofs. Oh, they're so homophobic. I'm going to kill myself now, too. No, no, no.

Don't. Because that's four people killing themselves. Well, you know what? Let's do five this week. Well. Yeah. There you go, guys. Good one.

You know what? You haven't done it again. No. I hope you're happy with yourself because you voted for a thing that wasn't that popular. And also, above everything else, it brings back a lot of bad memories. It brings back a lot of really painful memories. Going all the way to Adelaide with that great of a lineup to have tech problems and have no one in the audience. Again, why did I even put this on the podcast?

Also. Why did we release this? You're supposed to be fans of us and your favorite episode. We killed ourselves in this episode. We blew our brains out. Some beloved members of the Dum Dum family also killed themselves. Exactly. Not only did we die, but some of our friends died as well.

Yes. Why would you? Like, having to listen back to that clip back then, just then, was awful. Really, really, really awful. Really, really graphic. It reminded me of where I was when I killed myself. Yeah.

And I was not in a good headspace, obviously. Yeah. Now, you're saying none of these clips contain a story about me, but I think, I mean, come on. In it, number one. All right. Me killing myself. Come on. In it number one. All right. Me killing myself. Come on.

Okay. Right. And the baby. Yeah. And the baby. That's pretty huge. All right. You spoke too soon there, my friend.

You redeemed yourself. You redeemed yourself. All right. Yeah. No, that was the absolute wrong time to bring that grievance up. You've absolutely proved me wrong. Well, you didn't know. I mean, you had an inkling. Yeah. But I'm sitting here with the results in front of me.

You didn't have them. So you weren't to know. Yeah, okay. You know, you might have thought maybe like an episode with, you know, a couple of Americans or something might have gotten. The dollop, yeah, that was already. Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. I forgot.

Yeah, I forgot where we were in the countdown. Yeah. But anyway, look, hope you're happy, guys. Look, yeah, lesson learned. Lesson learned from us. Democracy doesn't work. Democracy does not work. You guys can't be trusted.

Look, if we do this again next year, we're going to have to really, really, really rethink the polling process. Yeah, just a real dictatorship from now on. We know what's good for you. Totally. You guys don't know. But you know what? Listening back to this countdown, I've got to say 80% of a good year.

What was – you didn't like the dollop episode. I thought that was funny. Anyway. Yeah, I don't know. It was fine. All right. But yeah, let's do a quick – yeah, ones that didn't make it into the countdown. The Logies one was a lot of fun.

Yep. I thought that was a great ep. The Logies one where we celebrated that Dilruch Jaisingh won the Best New Talent. Yep, off the back of a lot of our listeners voting for him. Yep. The one at the comic, the live in Adelaide one. Live in Adelaide in Melbourne. Live in Adelaide in Melbourne. Live in Adelaide in Melbourne.

When we had Glenn Robbins and a bunch of guests. Yeah. Live in Brisbane with Mel Buttle, Brett Blake and Adam Richard. Yeah. Although I can understand why that didn't get in due to some certain issues. Oh, tech issues. Right. The 400th episode.

We celebrated our 400th episode this year. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was, look, having Larry Emder there, that was great. And like we said beforehand, the Koh Samui. I mean, I guess sometimes you can think of that more of an event than a particularly great episode. But I thought they were all great episodes anyway. But, yeah, lots of great stuff this year. Lots of great threads.

Lots of great live events. And those Melbourne ones in April. Yeah. All in a row. They're always really great stuff this year. Lots of great threads. Lots of great live events. And those Melbourne ones in April, all in a row, they're always really great ones as well. So they were all really, really, really strong this year as well. Yeah. And we had a lot of people on the show for the first time this year. A lot of people made their debut who were all great. Good to get some fresh blood.

Yeah. Off the top of my head, who do we have? Akmal. Yes. Valvo. Sonia DiOmal. Yes. Valvo. Sonia D'Orio. Yes. Heaps of people that we're hoping we can, you know, have on again in the future now

that they're part of the canon. Yes. Was there anyone else? Agro. Agro, yep. Yeah. Oh, we had, we don't often mention this enough, but in our live episodes, a lot of great stuff from our friend Ben Russell coming on and fucking around.

Who is a great comedian in his own right. Yes. Go see him live if you get the chance. A lot of certain little weird characters that pop up. Yeah. He helps us book. He's got a Rolodex like you wouldn't believe. Yes.

He's the facilitator of that stuff. Yes, totally. And yeah, also heaps of favourites on this year, continuing to do great stuff. And so thank you to all the guests each week who give up their time to be on the show. Very much appreciated by us. Go and see them live. That's the cool thing about them coming on this show.

Yeah. If they're good on the show and you guys really like them, it tends to make a lot of you go to see their live show. So it's lovely, especially when we hear back from those guests that say, oh, we did a show and all these Dum Dum fans turned up in their shirts. And it's like, you know, it literally makes those guests go, oh, this is a worthwhile thing to do.

100%. Yeah. So yeah, thanks to you guys that continue to do the right thing and support the guests of this show. And of course, supporting us via Patreon.com slash Little Dum Dum Club. If you want to chuck some shekels our way, we will chuck you bonus material. This is going to be – look, this is an episode where we're not doing the Patreon reads at the end.

That will return next episode. Yep. But, guys, yeah, thank you for your support throughout the year. And, hey, you know what? Given that I think in this – I think sometimes this show is a little hard to get into if you're a new listener. If you maybe pick – I don't know. If you maybe pick a week where we're going on a bit of a tangent about a certain thread of the time. But hopefully this one, if you know someone who you think might like it, hopefully this is a good one to introduce them to.

Because there's a lot of, yeah, this is a handy little cheat sheet of some of the big events of the year of the pod. So, yeah, if this is your first time listening to the show from this, then yeah. Absolutely. It's like with a band. It's always like, well, you know, I want to get into Queen. Oh, you get Queen's greatest hits. Yep, totally. This is Dumb Dumb Greatest Hits 2018.

So if you want to send someone a link to an episode and say, especially over the summer season, if you're getting this, I'm downloading this immediately. Yeah. Hey, grab this one. Force it on someone. Yep. This is about the closest we're ever going to get to converting absolute unaware ease

in one go. Yeah. This is the Dianetics test of the little dumb nun club. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where we hook you up to the machine and we go, oh, yeah, it says here you're a cunt.

Yes. Guys, hook you up to the machine and we go, oh, yeah, it says here you're a cunt. Yes. Guys, thank you for listening. Thank you for another great year. Thank you, Carl, for another great year. Thank you, Tommy. What a time we have together. Oh, man. We'll see you in 2019 with all sorts of our bullshit ready to go.

We've got the pop-up store on January the 11th. We're taking over Dangerfork Studios. We've got all of our live ready to go. We've got the pop-up store on January the 11th. We're taking over Dangerfork Studios. We've got all of our live shows coming up. Canberra. We've got Melbourne. We've got Brisbane. We've got Koh Samui. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for links to all of that stuff.

Get onto Koh Samui quickly. I try and stress that extra because it's a big trip to go on. And so people don't make that decision at the last minute like you can in a live local show you need to sort of book that in advance so and especially this is the cheapest you can get if you if you go and get your accommodation at the ozo chewing samui uh now it's the cheapest it's ever going to be so get onto that little dumdumclub.com yep uh thanks guys and we'll see you next time. See you, Maze. Are you saying that's in the future, though?

Like, I was walking around JB Hi-Fi today, and it feels like we're in the last two years, everyone's gone, that's it. Time, let's, why are we holding back? Time to live in the fucking Jetsons. Right. Because every new product that's out is like, this thing connects to your light switches,

and then you just talk to it and go, turn the lights on and it turns your lights on for you. I bet it doesn't fucking work like that. Do you know what I mean? Don't use your teeth, Siri. You're getting that automated dimmer switch. Suck me. Turn the lights down and then suck my dick in the dark. And you're just saying that in JB?

Jesse, I bet it doesn't work. I bet it doesn't work. Give me a minute alone with the demo device. Oh, hang on, it is working. Oh, my God, JB, you've done it again. Yeah. Now, Brett to me is like a dumb name. He's like a dumb sound effect.

Brett. Sound effect? You're going to tell us more about this, Carl. What's the best name? What's the best name sounds like a dumb sound effect? Yeah. If you say it like a dumb sound effect. All words are stupid.

Not all of them. You can't be like helium. You just did. No, that doesn't come off. It doesn't come off. Helium. That sounds smart. Oh, my God.

Stupid hook. No, you've won me over. He sounds dumb. No, totally. What if my cat was Chinese? Oh, no. I'm not going to say it. Real?

That's somehow not as bad as the one I was going to say. Right, okay. I don't know what you were going to say. Should I just say it? Under the cone of like... I mean, I did think it, but I don't want to say it. Say it off air. Yeah, but I feel like there'll be like four people that really enjoy it, and I want the

credit. You know what I mean? All right, all right. Because that's the thing. It's like, we have friends of ours who are comics that listen to this. Right. So, like, if I was hanging out with them off-stage, or, like, not on mic, I would just say it. Yeah.

And they'd be like, good one. Yeah. But so, you know, I want... Well, now I want to hear it, because I haven't picked what it is. If your cat was Chinese, it'd eat itself. Okay, if your cat was Chinese, it'd eat itself. I shouldn't say that because, you know, thank you. Thank you for the, let me check, $69 a month.

Fantastic stuff. Yeah, fantastic stuff. Chucking into the coffers here. So that's great. So he, I mean, he told me he now subscribes enough to get the Patreon episodes. Right. So he listens every week. He's putting in 10. I don't think she's Patreon episodes. Right. So he listens every week. He's putting in 10. I don't think she's ever listened.

Right. And she's putting in almost seven times the amount that he does. Oh, nearly. Not Mr. Kai that much. Yeah, well. Not sure why she couldn't have gone the full 70, but anyway. Are you looking forward to seeing him in a month's time when we're over there? Yeah, to say thank you for the whole family's donations.

A grand total of $79 coming in from this joint bank account now. Yeah, it could have been $80, but whatever. So close to being $80. Yeah, it could have been 80, but whatever. So close to being 80. Yeah, the magical number. The sex position between the old 80. Between a snowman and an egg. Yes. When a snowman fucks an egg.

Can't wait to get home and give them, this is the old egg in the snowman, if you know what I'm saying. The number 80. Can't wait for me, Frosty, to get home and stick my dick in an egg. Chicken little. Finally, finally an answer to the sex position. What do you call it when a snowman fucks an egg? Having an 80.