The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 431 - Live! Dave Hughes, Nick Cody & Sam Dastyari

Episode Date: January 8, 2019

Remember Christmas? Well, we did a huge live podcast a couple of nights before it with an absolutely star-studded list of guests: DAVE (I don't know) HUGHES, SAM DASTYARI and number one benchwarmer NICK CODY! We open some presents live on stage, filter through some current showbusiness rumours, listen to a true crime podcast, Hughesy tries to relate to the common man, we pop some Christmas crackers, RAD DAD returns, PLUS a special surprise cameo! Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up: BRISBANE! You guys are awesome so we're coming back. March 17, 4pm. CANBERRA! We're back for one night only. March 23, 5pm. MELBOURNE! We're doing another month of huge shows at the Comedy Festival. Saturday March 30, April 6, April 13 & April 20, 4:30pm. We're also doing an extra show: Late Night Dum Dum. Friday April 5, 11:55pm. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Dave Hughes, Sam Dastyari and Nick Cody. First of all, we've got to plug a few live dates that we have coming up. Just announced we're going to be in Brisbane, Sunday March 17th, 4pm, a massive live podcast at the Woolly Mammoth Bar. Tickets for that have just gone on sale at littledumdumclub.com. We also have... Well, the very next week we are making a grand return to Canberra, in some ways our nation's capital. March the 23rd at 5pm, just like the Brisbane show. Big, big special guests in town for that one, so get along.

Yep, I also have my solo show that same night at 9pm. Also, we have the big month of live shows in Melbournebourne march the 30th april 6th april the 13th and april the 20th saturday afternoons 4 30 p.m european beer cafe there is a pass that you can get uh for all four of them that's going to give you a bit cheaper access we're also doing a special late night show april the 3rd at midnight april the 5th april the 5th sorry at midnight all of this stuff is at little dumdum clubcom, including a link to the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival 2019. Exactly.

Get onto that right now, guys, because this is the cheapest it's ever going to get in the next week and a half to two weeks. If you are interested at all, yeah, in the next week, let's say the next week, this is the cheapest that the Ozo Chewing accommodation is going to be. So make your bookings right now. Go to your website. If you've got any questions at all, hit us up directly, and we'll be very happy to answer any questions.

Our operators are standing by, one of them more enthusiastically than the other. Absolutely. He never sleeps. So, yes, enjoy this live episode, our Christmas spectacular. You can relive Christmas 2018 or you can put this on ice for 50 more weeks and time it to this year's Christmas. But this was a super fun live show. Nick Cody, Dave Hughes and Sam Dastyari.

Enjoy. Ho, ho, hey, mates. Welcome once... No, fuck off. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me is always the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, Nickheads. Wow. To think I was worried walking up on stage.

I said just before we walked up, I said, Tommy, what have you got to start with? And he was like, I've got something. Ho, ho, hey, mate. Yeah, that took me all day. What was I stressed about? Just give me a hint when you've got a fucking cannon like that ready to go off. It really has left you reeling, hasn't it?

Do you want to... Maybe if we do a Christmas show for next year, is there any way you would punch it up for me? For, you know, for... For 2019. Merry fuck you. Yeah, that's not bad. That's not bad.

Merry burra. That's good. Yeah, that isn't bad at all's not bad. Mary Burra. That's good. Yeah, that isn't bad at all. Because what I was going to say, and to anyone here who doesn't celebrate Christmas, apologies. I know you're not meant to. We've been marketing this as like the orphan's Christmas show.

Oh, yeah. Are all your parents dead? Yeah. Are we cool? Are they recently deceased? Yes? All right. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming to a comedy

show instead of going to a funeral on a Sunday night but I feel like we need like a unifying thing you know for anyone in here who doesn't celebrate Christmas like we don't want to just be up here talking about Christmas so I was thinking what about what instead of Christmas for us it's awares-mas you know

catchy alright punch it up. What have you got? I don't know. I think I'd be doing the opposite. I'd be not getting punched up. Yeah, the opposite of punch up is not punch up. Getting punched up.

That's the opposite of punch up, isn't it? Fuck, it's a good start. We are off and racing, folks. Do I do the thing? Yeah. There's a present. No, you're against it, and racing, folks. Do I do the thing? Yes. There's a present? No, you're against it, aren't you? I won't do the thing.

There's a present being left for me. No, look, temp fate. Let's see how we go. What's the odds? Give us the odds on whether it's going to be any good or not. Oh, interesting. Should we take some bets? Let's get some money out.

Let's make this interesting. Here's the new rule, right? Lots of people leave presents for us. Thank you very much. But here's the rule. If it's going to be funny, leave it on if it's not just chuck it backstage all right good because by leaving it on stage it's officially content yes so yes this needs to be funny there's a full house of people and this present better be fucking entertaining all right whoever gave this

but i think that's the problem is that a lot of people they think what they're leaving up there is funny or entertaining but just because it's a piece of paper that has the word Carl on it doesn't necessarily make it entertaining. It looks entertaining with my name on it to be fair. And that's colourful, funny wrapping paper. What's the card say? Anything worth reading out? Oh, fuck.

I'm not feeling good about this. I'm not feeling good about this at all. It's too good. What's the odds you're paying that it's going to be God. All right, all right. What's the odds? What's the odds you're paying that it's going to be any good? From a dollar bet, what's the odds?

That it'll be any good entertaining-wise. Five dollars. Five to one. Fuck it. Yeah. All right. Oh, no.

Oh! Fuck! Hand over that money, baby! It's a baby shirt that says, I love Samui. It is a Christmas miracle. Fuck.

Oh, no, the rest of it's not good. Well, okay, look, I'll do this now, because it's in a weird way, that's kind of... So I got you a gift. I got you a Christmas present. Oh, really? For the show, yeah. Fuck, it better be good, better than this. Fuck, this is...

Oh, thank you for the baby clothes, as I chuck it on the pub floor. It's actually... It's a weird coincidence that they've done that, because here's what I got you. Oh, fucking hell, here we go. Here we go. So yeah, have a look. Hang on. What's the odds that this is going to be entertaining? After that, 20 to 1. Ah!

It's a... Oh, fuck. It's a baby shirt with duck sandwich on the front. It is.....going to be quite awkward when I reveal that we've had an abortion. So, uh... LAUGHTER Although this could probably fit you, to be fair. Yes, true.

Well, I got that size is from... You can get them in a bunch of different sizes from that shop and I got the highest possible infant size you can get. That's for six to 12 months old because I realise if it's anything like your licence plate, that's how long it'll take you to put it on your fucking kid. Yep, haven't done my wedding photos yet So to the person who stepped on that By getting the I love Samui infant onesie Don't you ever bring up content here again

Without running it by me first, okay? Oh, you know what? This is a good point to bring up this story Before we get a guest out or anything Speaking of this Thank you very much for that You're welcome I don't think their content ruined your content.

I think they were both equally good. It's good. I'm also now selling them on my Redbubble, folks, because I love the idea of me now profiting off one of your jokes. I'm glad one of us is. The official Tommy Dasolo goose roll infant onesie. Goose toast. Goose toast.

Just to throw the lawyers off our scent. Now available on redbubble.com slash dasolo. So get into it. Fuck. Milan just picked up both those shirts and now my kid's going to be an alcoholic. It's contagious. Hey, I don't know if I've told you this one. Hopefully not.

Just quickly, before you move on, what did you get me? I got you two very little shirts. So you came to a Christmas thing and didn't bring a gift. Interesting. I got you... Cool. Oh wow, 18 condoms. Fucking hell out of them.

I think it's pretty clear I do not use condoms. Look, there you go. I'll give you something I was going to give Fleety. There's 20 bucks. Thank you. There you go. Fleety's going without a present this year. Hope you're happy.

So those shirts have been made up individually. Thank you. Who did the Samui shirt, by the way? Thank you. Get out. Yeah, thank you. Get out. No, no, thank you very much.

That's very good. So those shirts have, thank you. Get out. No, no, thank you very much. That's very good. So those shirts have obviously been... That's funny. Those shirts have obviously been individually made up. They're not in bulk amounts, I would assume. So this is what happened. I know we love to revel in open mic comedians that suck pretty bad. So this is the latest, as we've got a story in the past.

But I've got a new one. So I run Spleen, which is a bit of an open mic night around the corner. This guy went there a couple of weeks ago and went on stage and did like, and he'd barely done a gig before. He'd done a handful of gigs. He did this gig and he only did about two minutes, but it was just one joke and it was about just how it's like a flat earth conspiracy. So it wasn't funny or anything. He was just saying that earth is flat and how there was no such thing as space.

So he was saying, and space isn't real. Space isn't real. When's the weird stuff starting this story? So that's what he's just saying. Space isn't real. He does it for two minutes, doesn No So that's what he's just saying Space isn't real He does it for two minutes Doesn't get one laugh And then goes

Alright I might go now Gets off stage Then pulls out the merch He's made up Wow Space isn't real t-shirts And someone was like Wow do you do that joke a lot

He's like no that was my first time I've ever done that joke First time he's ever done that joke And he made merch off it before he told it out loud. That absolutely rules. That is amazing. Space isn't real. I think

what's happened is he's just, that phrase has popped into his head and he goes, that would look great on a t-shirt. Now how can I shift these fucking things? And he's written the gear as the sales pitch for the t-shirt. This time next year, I want a baby shirt with Space Isn't Real on it. Did you buy one?

I'll let you guess. I think we could now technically sell those shirts. If we just say that we could just pull the rug out from under it. And then he goes to do the joke again and the audience is like you're ripping off the fucking Dum Dum Club. What the fuck are you doing? We could pull the earth out from under him. Fuck. Yeah. And then he goes to do the joke again and the audience is like, you're ripping off

the fucking Dum Dum Club. What the fuck are you doing? We could pull the earth out from under him. Space isn't real but the money in our bank account is, you fucking idiot. So, it is the end of 2018.

So, we think, we've been sort of saying how good of a year we've had. We think that these episodes we did in 2018 have been the best we've ever done. So we've been really happy with that. Yeah. We say that and then we say to ourselves, all right, mate, immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And when I said that, I heard only one person clap. So not a lot of agreement in the house. That was generally a cue for you guys to go, yeah, that's of course. And again, you didn't take that cue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like there's a few more 2015 fans in the audience. Back when it was flat earth. Yeah.

So we decided, we've had such a year, there's been a lot of different things happen and we thought we would articulate all the stuff we've learnt and enjoyed in 2018. Yeah, a bit of a wrap up. Do you guys want this to happen or not? Because it seems like definitely not.

You better. We didn't spend 15 minutes on this 15 minutes ago for nothing. Well, you know, yeah, it was a huge year for us, mostly with our guests. We had some of the best guests we've ever had on. At the start of the year on the show, I got to meet one of my childhood heroes, Agro.

They say never meet your heroes, and after that episode, I see what they mean. It was almost as devastating for me as the time I got bummed by Humphrey B. Bear. They say you never should meet your heroes. I met Larry Emder on the Sydney podcast, and I learnt

that what that came uh oh fuck i want to fuck kylie gillies so yeah yeah good gag yeah um one of the big takeaways from this year with uh our friends dill rook and ben lomas is that bullying people about their weight can lead them to make a change for the better. So fingers crossed we can see similar results in 2019 from Nick Capper about his rancid stench. He can lose 20 kilos

of stink. There's a big year for diversity on our podcast. I mean, sure, we didn't have any Chinese guests on, but we had at least two guests who pretended to be Chinese. And in the same episode, we didn't have any Chinese guests on, but we had at least two guests who pretended to be Chinese. And in the same episode, we had two of the biggest names we've ever had on the podcast. We had both Arnold Schwarzenegger

and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I've learned that there's a certain cat food on the market that definitely contains shards of glass in every tin. In fact, if your cat eats this mystery brand it will cause pain so violent that you'll swear it's listening to the Paul

Foote episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. And of course, as we've spoken about already, we had the news that in 2019 we'll have a new addition to the Chandler household. A baby that will be grizzling, complaining and having a lot of messy issues with its bum. Thus at least proving I am the real father. Someone was singing along with the end of that joke then.

Which means I've got to write better jokes. Speaking of the impending baby Chandler. I've learned that the idea of waiting two months before safely announcing a pregnancy is a myth. As we've recently seen, the safest time to wait is seven months we uh it's a good point i'll write that months right uh hey 2018 we traveled to the second ever coast of movie international podcast festival and we're now listed on the island's Wikipedia page

because of that. To be fair, Hitler's also listed on Germany's Wikipedia page, so it's not always a good thing. But nearly 300 podcast listeners filled the Ozochuing Samui Resort this year, resulting in the remaining residents of the resort remarking, fuck, I knew we should have gone to Bali. We also drank a lot of si min.

Plus we also drank a lot of Thailand vitamin-infused health drink. We started talking about Thailand, I assumed that one was going to have the same end as the Kylie Gillies one. Speaking of Thailand, I've learned that if Dave Anthony tells you that he's attending your event, it's worth just about as much as a tech telling you that your show will definitely be recorded without any problems. Fuck. It's a good point. Are we all good? How are we going, Chief?

We're good at the moment? Have you listened to any of it? You're listening. Can you put headphones on to just make me feel a little bit safe? He's giving us the thumbs up, but he's drawing that thumb across his neck, so it's hard to know. Yeah. He's also playing Mineswe his neck, so it's hard to know. Yeah. He's also playing Minesweeper, so it's not really... Our tech is heading down to the Falls Festival tomorrow to do tech for that,

so, boy, I hope Toto don't ride him this hard. Also, we did not have a tech about six hours ago, so we got this tech, who's hopefully doing a tech about six hours ago, so we got this tech, who's hopefully doing a great job at the moment, we got this tech through a contact, through a little band I know called The Avalanches. So, hopefully we'll get this file back in the next 18 years or so. Please don't delete it.

It's a year where we personally discover that we may be too deep in the world of stand-up. That there is actually more to life than just comedy. I mean, we even found someone this year who doesn't even know Hughes. Just goes to show not everyone is Rick. I'm out. Oh, yeah, I am too.

The end. Okay. That might be the most begrudging round of applause I've ever heard in my life. We've had our best year ever. Oh, yeah. Good for you guys, I guess. If they'll stop saying it, we'll clap. How can we make this god-awful segment end quicker?

Should we say... Oh, yeah, one more thing. Thank you to everyone, obviously, for listening and for coming to the show tonight, all that sort of stuff. I did a show a couple of weeks ago in Ballarat, did a stand-up show in Ballarat, so not a big ratio of dum-dum listeners, I would have thought. So we went past the pub, we were going to pull up to the pub.

I dropped some people out, there wasn't any car parks. As I took off, a person in a little dum-dum club, a wear shirt, walked past the car, walked in front of the car. And I was like, oh, this will be funny. So I just beeped the horn really loud and shook my fist and went, get the fuck out of the way. Thinking, oh, they'll see me. And like, they did not recognise me.

And just went, fuck off. And then I was like, Jesus, that's really bad. And then I parked, I come back into the gig, and I was like, man, I've got to find that person and say sorry to them. Carl, they weren't wearing the shirt, were they? No, they were, they were. So I went into the gig and I did my spot and I walked off stage and as I walked off, the girl who it was in the shirt just walked

up to me and went, congratulations on the baby, I'm so happy. And I was like thank you. So you never told her? I couldn't tell her after that. Wow. I hope she's still tormented by that and this gives her some closure just to stick back to this.

Oh yeah, because that'll make her feel better. The person she listens to threatened her with death. I know. Just to stick back to this. Oh yeah, because that'll make her feel better. The person she listens to threatened her with death. You threatened her with death? Well... I had a car and it was moving. Right, right. So when you said fuck off, you were like, I can

be part of that with this vehicle that I'm in control of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how it works. Man, have you never run someone over before? Fuck it now. What an amateur. Not in 2018. Which is why it works. Man, have you never run someone over before? Fucking hell, what an amateur. Not in 2018, which is why it's such a dismal year, according to these guys. All right, should we get our first guest out here? Yes.

Well, good luck. I mean, good luck introducing someone that you don't know the name of. Yeah, I was going to say, I might throw this one over to you because I do not know who this person is. Okay, all right. Well, I'm just writing it down. Okay, alright. I don't have his first name but please, welcome

to the stage, Hughes! Hughes! Thank you, buddy. Wherever, wherever. Yes, thank you. It's great to be here. Merry Christmas, everyone. And yes, I know Hughes.

You are Hughes. I am Hughes, yes. And everything is Rick. Oh, that's... Listen to that. That's your new I'm angry. I... It's... I am angry, no. I opened a packet of snakes alive and everything wasn't Rick in there.

They're all dead. They must have suffocated in the bag. Anyway, classic humour, no doubt. But anyway, whatever. It's going to finish it. They could have grown up to be a killer pie. It's going to finish it. They could have grown up to be a killer pie. It's a fucking good joke. Anyway.

This is in the gala, by the way. In 1999. So, yes, everything is Rick. So you told me that story on the podcast a while ago. Yes. How often now do you have our freaks just coming up to you at gigs and yelling that out at you and saying they don't know you? This is the weirdest one. Is this the radio one?

The woman on the radio, yes. Is this one? I've got the transcript of the conversation here. With the producer? Yeah. Would you rather me do that? As long as everyone can get on to the story. You go.

It's your show. Welcome onto the stage, Husey. Now sit here in silence while I tell a story about you. Alright, you tell it now. No, you tell it. I'm too talented. Fuck, you've got the transcript. I just fucking lived it.

So you guys all listen to podcasts. Who listens to that one called The Teacher's Pet? Yeah. Not funny podcast. Yeah, yeah. Now, they've had a great 2018. You can't deny that. Their best year ever. Their funniest year ever. Their funniest year ever.

But a good result. I mean, not good for the guy. He's in jail. No, but he's out on bail, isn't it? 1.5 million. Yeah, anyway. Well, the story is that a lady... It's not a funny story.

It's a terrible story. Yes, very quickly. A lady disappeared like 30 years ago or so and the podcast is about tracking down what happened and perhaps the killer. So there's been a result, sort of, at the moment. Yeah, someone's in jail or someone's going to jail. Well, there's been a charge.

Yeah, there's been a charge. Her ex-husband's been charged. All right, mate, I'm telling the story. I've got the transcript right here. I'm not listening to Teacher's Pet Is it like this? Is this Two people with barely

Any of the facts about the case Going I don't know Something happened to a woman At some stage Somewhere In Teacher's Pet Only one person died

So yeah It's just Yeah these are tricky jokes Yeah So So her Her niece Her niece has been doing a lot of press about what happened, about the charges being laid, stuff like that.

She was approached by the producers of your show. Yeah, Hughsey and Kate, 4.30 every afternoon on the Hit Network. Yes. Depending on what state you're in. Yep. So the transcript went, this was your producer hitting her up saying, hey, Renee, my name is Carly. I work on the Hughes and Kate radio show.

Are you available to chat on our program this afternoon in regards to today's breakthrough in your aunt's case? I understand you're probably inundated, so I'll try to call you shortly if you don't get a chance to reply. Then she quickly sort of after that said, hey, Renee, I'm so sorry, but our legal team have had to shut down the chat for today. I'd love to keep in touch as the case progresses and arrange a time to pre-record so the lawyers

can do appropriate edits. Best of luck with the rest of your interviews tonight. She, Renee replies, thanks Carly, happy to chat whenever. Love, Husey and Kate. Can you please pass a message on to Dave for me? Can you please tell him to say that I say, everything is Rick.

Then the producer replies and says, he smiled and said, so you know Hughes? It was... And the producer still has no fucking idea what we're doing. That's more of a mystery than the Teacher's Pet podcast. What the fuck just happened to me? I just love that wording, though, as if she said that to you and you just looked up from a paper and gone, so you know Hugh.

It's the cheeky smile before you say it that I really like. That was how I was going to tell the story. It's the cheeky smile before you say it that I really like. That was how I was going to tell the story. It's very hard. We wanted to talk to her, but the legal things, even now I don't know what we've said. It's in court apparently. How do you think we'll go with this? I don't know.

I think everything's Rick. There's that cheeky smile again. You are on the waters. We were just talking to you backstage. You've been off. You haven't touched alcohol for how many years now? Since 1992. There's people in this room who weren't born then.

I haven't had a beer since 1992. But I still regale my children about my drunk stories. Oh, do you? Absolutely, I do. I love. Tell us about when you were drunk, Daddy. Yes. One of them was New Year's Eve. No, Christmas Eve, where we were singing Christmas carols on our roof

and then the police turned up and then we lay flat on the roof and then they... I swear to God from down below, they said, we can see you, dickheads. And the Warrnambool police put us to bed. They put us to bed in 1990... Christmas Eve, 1991. Can a policeman put you to bed. They put us to bed in 1990, Christmas Eve 1991.

Can a policeman put you in bed? Isn't that a crime in itself? They were lovely. They were lovely. So, yeah. So, I haven't had a drink since 1992. Fuck. So, you did that and as soon as you stopped drinking, your career just went skyrocketed.

I didn't start comedy until I'd stopped drinking. So, yeah. Absolutely. So, Dil stopped drinking and his career's just gone. Anyway, cheers, absolutely. So, Dill stopped drinking and his career's just gone. Anyway, cheers, Tommy. He won a Logie. He won a Logie. I've never won a fucking Logie.

I've been banging away on TV for 20 years and that fucker turns up five minutes ago. And who helped him win a Logie? You fuckers. So, yeah, no, I love Dill. And, yeah. So you stopped drinking and then started comedy? Absolutely.

Right, I wonder when Dill's going to do the second part of that equation. He stopped drinking and started calories. Doesn't work as good anymore. Fuck it. No, he's very thin. His tinder's going off. I know. He never wants anymore. Fuck it. No, he's very thin. Yes, his tinder's going off. I know. He never wants to talk about it.

We've got to get him on and talk about it. Oh, no, he's busy. He's very busy. He's busy. Yeah, it's always like you're trying to arrange stuff and he's like, oh, I'm busy. I've got a thing to do. It's like, yeah, I don't reckon you've got a TV show

to star in at 11.30 at night, do you, mate? He's very busy all the mate? No, private shows. Anyway, good on him. So we should get our second guest on, I guess. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, let's do that. All right, you do this.

All right, please, folks, welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Sam Dastyari. Yay! Dastyari. Yay! I love how you guys are doing fucking stand-up on the teacher's pen. It's unusual. It's not stand-up, it's just... It's real life. Funny things have happened

involving it. Absolutely, you've got to laugh. Yeah, yeah. It's not as fucking funny as Hansard or whatever, but we try. Exactly. Can't all be on Q&A. Why am I here? Welcome back. Welcome back, Sam.

I mean, Sam. I actually texted him a week ago saying, oh, I'm going to be in Melbourne. Let's grab a beer. I'm here for some other stuff. He goes, oh, come on the podcast. What the fuck would you want me on the podcast? He goes, you know, everything for me has just gone downhill

since I got involved with you guys. And he goes, it's a bit like my stand-up career. Yeah. Doesn't technically make sense, for sure. But thanks for coming down. You've been busy. You've got plenty of stuff going on. Bits and pieces

It's called advertising mate I swear I did a show on the Adelaide Fringe This year And for an hour And it was a good show And afterwards A woman in a wheelchair

Came up for a photo And said your flyer was undone The whole time And she said I said why didn't you tell me She said, no one cared. Anyway. Now, what's happening next year with you is that, well, look,

I tried to place a bet the other day on Sportsbet on you to be in I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. I tried to put a bet on. What happened? Bets have been suspended. There was a lot of late Chinese money going on it. Oh, it was worth their investment, wasn't it? Now you know how I feel with the infant onesie.

I'll move on to my next joke. That's very interesting. Why were odds so short? $1.20? I don't know. Fuck you. Fuck you. A lot of people said to me, because there was a

rumour going around, and I said, do I look like the kind of person who would do something like that for money? Yes. 100% yes. You do this for no money. Of course you do. Now, it was either that or Dancing With The Stars.

Yes. Yeah. I don't have a hot enough body for Dancing With The Stars. I can't do the whole Husey thing. Which is what? Laugh at your non-hot body? No, you look good. God almighty. This guy's looking

good. Yeah, you look good, I reckon, and you'll be looking even... Fellas, fellas, we all look good. This is what we now call in the business of Circle Jersey. And a pretty desperate one of those. But you'll look even better once you lose about 20 kilos in January

when you go on your little holiday. Fuck you, I'm not saying a word. When is it announced? You've got to wait until the night, do we? The 13th of January. I'm not saying a fucking word. We know you're in the fucking show. Hey, it's $1.20.

It's not odds on. It could be anyone at $1.20. I mean, I'm sure the bookmakers don't know that well. So, look, in your defence, what are you planning on doing in January and February then? I'm going on a holiday. Oh, right, right. People, like, the Dumb Dumb Club got a deal, a logie.

Can the Dumb Dumb Club get Sam the win in? Celebrate, can they? And everyone laughed. Hey, didn't you hear Sam? He's not going in. He's going overseas in January. Yeah, right. Where are you going?

Africa. I feel bad because I didn't get Tommy a present, but I actually got you a Christmas present. Oh, wow. Merry Christmas. Fuck you. You can wear it later, it's fine. When does this get downloaded?

It'll be like, I think maybe first week of Jan or something. Yeah, pretty soon. We can put it up tomorrow if you want. Well, this is a Christmas edition, isn't it? So it's got to be out. It must be out, is it? I don't know. We don't have to. It depends if he confesses or not. A lot of people have spent a lot of time showing him he confessed

to stuff. It doesn't work. Right. Hey, so we were really excited about our lineup because, you know, there's two great guests already, but we had a third guest booked in and he has not fucking showed up. And he is not now responding to... He wasn't responding to the text beforehand. He's now responding to them. I'm like, man, when are you getting here?

He's like, no, I'm at a family dinner. Sorry. Sorry. So shall we ring Ronnie Chang right now? Is it a family dinner? For fuck's sake. It'd be a shame if we made him angry. He just got off a plane from New York, though, didn't he?

He did this morning. Oh, yeah. So it wasn't this afternoon. Will he answer? Fuck. He might be on to dessert. He might be eating fucking seaweed. But he hasn't been home for quite a while.

Is he going to answer? Fuck. How do we fill the time? Wow, this is tense guys Money well spent Has he got an answering machine message? Yeah We'll fuck him up on that

Please leave a message That's worse than the response we got when we said we had a big year. So two things. You just hand the phone up to the audience and they just go, you guys take it from here. At no point did you tell them what to do. But also they nailed it. A couple of people started to go, fuck.

No, but the boo, the boo's eventually drowned out. Someone said, you're a car boo. So they sort of beeped the C-bomb that was... Yeah, we can't do all the work up here, guys, right? You've got to put some of these together yourselves. Yeah, it hasn't been that good of a year. All right, shall we get our replacement? So we had to scramble.

How terrible is this? Like, why did you have to make this person your replacement? They're so offensive. No, it's fine. But also it makes them a hero now for filling the beach and they will get the and they've dressed for the occasion as well haven't they? Alright, folks. Folks,

Ronnie couldn't make it so please, in his place, welcome Pablo... No, Nick Cody! Nick! And that's why you don't drink responsibly. Look what happened to fucking Ronnie. What is it about the Daily Show cunts where they don't turn up? Oh, yeah!

Oh, my God. I've got a baby somewhere and I'm here. That's why you're here. Without her children, I wouldn't fucking be here. My kids are at home wrapping presents. Nick, thanks for getting up here. You obviously had no idea that there was a chance that you might be performing this evening. I legitimately didn't.

It's just my Christmas spirit. I have fucking blown out. I've put on eight kilos in the last three weeks. I heard that Dil was telling me all about losing weight. Man, you can fucking do great shit on Tinder. I'm like, I'm married. I don't give a fuck. It's all rubbing my thigh thing you're doing.

What's that? That's nice. Oh. Can I touch it? Nice. It's good to just blow out. Did you wear... I'm fucking all in. You're wearing,

for the people who can't see this, you're wearing reindeer, what's that called? Antlers. Antlers. Antlers on your head. Yes. That's where they go.

Yeah. But did they... Hugh's really painting a picture. Well, I am. Hugh's sitting's where they go. Yeah. But did they... Hugh's really painting a picture. Well, I am. Hugh's sitting on a chair with his bum. Well, not everyone's here. I'm trying to help out. You've got a...

Your shirt says... What does it say? Merry Christmas, you filthy animals. Yeah, beautiful. Now, but did you wear those antlers on the way in? Yeah. So how did you get here? I'm a big boy. On a get here? I'm a big boy.

On a sleigh. I'm a big boy. Touring comic, I've got a radio job. My dad drove me. Did he really drive you? Dad did drive me. Your dad drove you here? Dad drove me in.

The best dad. Is he here? He is here. Dad's here. Joppa. Hear the cheer. Yeah. He is here.

Dad's here. Joppa. He's a cheer. Yeah. Ronnie Chang couldn't turn up at Cody's dad's dinner. Yeah. Dad, how do you feel about Nick dropping the C-bomb there a moment ago? Are you proud or not proud? He taught me to say it.

He's from Werribee. Hopper's Crossing. That's literally in the A-B-C. He's from Hopper's Crossing. Is Crossing. That's literally in the ABCs. He's from Hoppers Crossing. Is it Hoppers Crossing? Hoppers Crossing. Is it really Swappers Crossing?

Or is it... No. It's not. What does that mean? Swappers Crossing as in wife swapping? It's known as being a wife swapping. Oh, really? Really? Well, yes.

If you're from Warrnambool, you knew it. So that might be your stepdad. Not that. That makes sense. He's lovely and intelligent. People cheer for him when they hear his name. Not my genes. He doesn't have a red beard.

Yeah. Well, that's proved it. Should we do... Man, the annoying thing about Ronnie is everything. But apart from that, we had stuff lined up for him and stuff like that. Recite the phone book. What is that fucking autistic cunt going to do? We had Tom Cruise in here for a reunion for the cast of Rain Man, so yeah.

Ronnie was in Crazy Rich Asians, one of the biggest comedy films of the last decade. And I was in The Merger. And I was in the merger. And I was in the merger, which wasn't. I've seen the merger and I haven't seen Crazy Rich Asians. Yeah, drunk poor Aussies. It wasn't quite. I really like Crazy Rich Asians.

Was it a good film? I really liked it. It was good. Good? Yeah. But, I mean, you can see he was in that, one of the biggest films over the last ten years. And he's not in a basement in a fucking exhibition strip. I mean, I'm joining the dots.

He may have had a better year than you fuckers. I feel fucking rotten. I paid to go and see Crazy Rich Asians. Roddy's flying home from America after a massive year and he's having a dinner with his family. And you're really... My name's Carl. Is that what you were asking?

And by the way, he's acting as if he flew fucking Tiger Airways from New York. He'd be up the front. Fucks in the fucking long way. Dog. He'd be up the front going, hey, pilot, I know a better way. I've done some research. Qantas, Qantas, got to be Qantas.

Fuck you. Last time I flew with this guy, right? It was about a year ago now We were down in Launceston You were doing a show Yep Next morning I'm flying Virgin

I get him on the fucking front of the plane It was all fucking nice and lovely We take you to this You waited an extra flight You were on the early flight I love you, I'm a fan You waited for me to get there

I did Oh wow With an associate And I won't mention where they're from Was it similar to someone that didn't turn up tonight? there. I did. Oh wow. With an associate and I won't mention where they're from. Was it similar to someone that didn't turn up tonight? He said, Sam said, Cody you're up the front, I know this crazy rich Asian.

Anyway, we go to this fucking Virgin has this very very secret kind of lucrative kind of thing. What's it called? I think it's called the club or whatever it is, right? Oh, yeah, there's a secret compartment in the airport. He starts fucking filming it. Filming it? I was filming.

But what happens in there? I was hungover. Why is it fucking secret? Why is there a secret club in fucking Launceston? No, it's in Melbourne. Sam, what the fuck goes on in there? Hugh's just filthy that he doesn't know about it. Yeah. I do know. No, it was in Melbourne. Sam, what the fuck goes on in there? Ask Ronnie. Hugh's just filthy that he doesn't know about it.

Yeah. I do know. Can I say the business lounge is not worth it. They do not even fucking have smoked salmon. Oh, no. And I don't eat meat. I only eat fish. Is there something above first world problems?

Is there one above that? It's fucking bullshit. Get some smoked salmon, you fucking assholes. Of course the lounge isn't good. You don't drink and you live in a mansion, cunt. Of course it must be. Dad, again. You watch his language, Dad.

He's posted sandwiches, so I've got a chef that makes them. Mate, I'm fucking from West Warrnambool. I grew up thinking Hoppers Crossing was like fucking Paris. West Warrnambool, not even the good bit of Warrnambool. No, I'm from the commission area in Warrnambool, all right? So fuck, good on me. The next season of Hugh's got a problem. There's no fucking smoked salmon in the business now. Hugh's got a problem. There's no fucking smoked salmon

in the business lounge. Husey's got a problem. Bullshit. This business lounge isn't as nice as my garage. Guys, I don't even have a garage. Oh, sorry,

you've got a fucking hoverport. And I bought a new Volvo. He sub-divided it. He sub-divided it. I bought a new Volvo on Friday. Oh, no. Hang on. He subdivided it. I bought a new Volvo on Friday. Oh, no. Hang on.

He's winning back the common people. And I checked in the glove compartment. No smoked salmon. And a bird shat on it. A bird shat on it. And I fucking wiped it off. I went inside and got a tissue. Anyway, what I'm saying is...

We have the same problems. What I'm saying is that we have the same problems. And my kids wanted to go through a McDonald's drive-thru today. Fuck you. I need two days of new car smell. We're parking the car and we're fucking going into McDonald's. No one's ever guessed the secret sound on Husey and Kate because no one knows what it sounds like to fire a butler We have no

We don't have any Hello, is that cracking a Fabergé egg? We have a cleaner once a fortnight Patsy and Joanie Joanie's 75 Fuck she can clean Her cleaning

has kept her fit. Okay, we get it. You've got a hot fucking butler. We get it. We get it. She's 75. And her daughter Patsy's 50. And they're a great team.

And they will only come once a fortnight. What are they earning? They got a $100 bonus for Christmas. Oh! That's like one millionth of a Volvo. Get a load of Hughsy wall bucks over here. I do love them.

Well, they're probably listeners. You've had a good year, we've had a good year. Everyone's had a good year. Now we do have some more Christmas-themed content, don't we? We do have... It's Christmas time

and what's more Christmas than a bunch of Christmas crackers? So, we've got some Christmas crackers for each of us. I hope you've... That's his one.

Oh, they're all just very random. Nick's going to have a hilarious Roddy joke. Just random, yeah. Nick's... Nick's is... Pull a hilarious Roddy joke Just random Let's do Sam's first Sam can go first And he can read out the joke that's in there

Those classic gags that you get in the Christmas crackers Lovely Fuck I hope you put the right ones in the right ones That's like So here we go Put the hat on Fuck I hope you put the right ones in the right ones That's like So Here we go Here we go Yep Put the hat on

On an audio podcast That's a good order of things to do Yep You got the gag You got the gag there Here we go They're often you know Very old jokes

They're pretty lame They're pretty naff So guys Just give these a bit of extra love If you can. He's a big builder. What's the difference between Sam Dastyari

and Chandler's wife? What are the chances that I fucking got that one? Pretty high. Hang on. So what is it? What's the difference between Sam Dastyari

and Chandler's wife? Chandler's wife is about to go into labour and Sam just got kicked out of labour. Yeah. just got kicked out of it. Oh, yeah. What were the fucking chances of that? They, seriously, they've updated those jokes.

That wouldn't have been current a year ago. That's weird. Alright, I'll do... What's the similarity between Carl and Sam Dastyari? Both have been let down by crazy rich Asians. So Cody, have a look at the joke that's in that one and let me remind you, you are sitting in the seat that was saved for Ronnie.

So who knew he was Ronnie Chang? Yeah. Anytime you like. What was the smash hit movie Crazy Rich Asians called before Ronnie Chang was cast? Rich Asians. I like it. Alright, Hughes' turn.

Hughes' turn. Front row. Woo. Thank you. Fuck, this is so festive. I'm loving this. I'm really getting

into the Christmas spirit. Hughes normally pays someone to pop his crackers for him. They know how common I am. An official cracker popper.

I got a $100 tip this year. Alright, here we go. You've lost the joke. Fucking hell. Where the fuck's the joke? It's like the snake's alive. They're all dead. That was a weird

Husey impression then, by the way. I was like... Seriously, where's the joke? Alright, there it is. There we go. Fuck. Phew. Like Da Vinci Code, there it is. There we go, there we go. Oh, fuck. Phew.

Like Da Vinci Code. All right, all right, all right. Here we go. Let's go, let's go. Have you got one of them in your house? Let's go. Hugh's got his cracker joke now. I was in a cafe and an item on the menu took my eye.

The item was called a duck sandwich and that kind of made me feel sad in a way because finally that duck was literally surrounded by bread but now it was in no position to enjoy it. Wow. It's the one thing you can bank on at this time of year, the absolutely appalling bonbon jokes that you find. Where do they find this rot? Was that your other Christmas present to Carl,

for him to finally hear that joke said in front of an audience? Said by a professional. I swear to God, I just got it. It is a real creeper. I seriously was thinking it was an in joke that I didn't know about, but it's a fucking good joke. Man. That's a good joke.

People in East Warrnambool would have got that straight away. You can give that to your kid if you like. I will. It's a duck sandwich. Yeah, I get it. It's beautiful. And I only eat fish, so I don't eat duck. Oh, you're off booze and you're off meat as well.

Yeah, I'm a pescatarian. But ducks, they swim, so fuck it. They could probably... I spend a lot of time in the water. So that means you'd eat Thorpeys. Thorpey. I would have. You don't homeschool your kids, do you?

Ducks are fish. Jet skis are fish. I don't fucking... I'm going to eat a jet ski. Anyway, that's a bit... Thank you. My youngest is five, so... All right, all right.

Oh, let's do five. Oh, hold on to it. You have it. I'll hold it to it. When are you due? In less than two months, I think. Woo, wow. Good times.

Yeah. Boy or a girl? I'm a boy. Mate, once you have a baby, it changes everything. You can't just go out and drink with your friends and talk shit. You've got to be responsible. Cody, you said that the last time you were on the podcast two weeks ago.

I forgot I was on two weeks ago. Do you know the sex of the baby? I don't, no. Does your wife know? No. So does anyone know? I mean, the doctor would know, wouldn't they? And the baby. Yeah, if you want.

Chando told me something very interesting. He said the one that shall not be named was just going off to classes and scans and stuff and not telling him about it. Just coming home and going, oh, it all went well. And he's like, what? 20-week scan? He's like, oh, it all went well. And he's like, what? 20 week scan. He's like, oh, I would have gone to that. It happened again two days ago.

I know you didn't tell people for a long time. Did she tell you? No, for about six months I was like, can you get off the bread? That's a fucking joke. I love how her code name on this podcast

is what is used for Voldemort. To be fair to her not getting you along to things, I saw you the other day, you messaged me and you were like, hey, I'm out the front of your house, do you want to come out and get that money I owe you? So Iaged me and you were like, hey, I'm out the front of your house. Do you want to come out

and get that money I owe you? So I came out and you were there with Shehu. Call the drug deal. You were out the front of my house with Shehu, shall not be named, and you'd just been

at a birthing class. And then we were standing there chatting and a tram started to come along and you go, quick, we've got to get this. Bye, bye. And you run off and she's politely saying goodbye to me

and you're halfway down the street going, run! Come on! Run! To see your seven month pregnant wife just waddling down the street sweating you're like on the tram going get the fuck on! Hey, we made that tram.

Exactly. And so she should run. Now, Serena Williams won the Australian Open pregnant. She can fucking run for a tram. Thank you, Hughes. Thank you. Shall we get into...

We haven't done this for a very, very long time, but we thought we would pull out as a special occasion. But shall we get into a little bit of Australia's longest running and most consistent? Well, if we want to maintain our status as having our funniest year ever, then... Yeah, yeah, right, right. Yeah, we'd better. Yeah, can we hear the theme music? We've got a new episode of Christmas episode of Rad Dad.

Rad Dad. It's Rad Dad here and I'm here to say I'm just riding around in the Rad Dad way Gotta watch your kid, your cat and your dog Now see me be right in your catalog Yeah Word to your mother I'm Rad Dad He's the raddest dad in town

Rad Dad. You've spelled my name wrong. Do you want me to do the honour? No, no, no. Just, just, just, yeah, do the voice, just don't do the eyes. Alright. Just, yeah, do the voice, just don't do the eyes. Fuck, I wish Milan would pick up the empties as well as Justin.

Fuck. I actually meant mine, not the fucking other ones. But anyway. Where are they, mate? Oh, look. I actually meant mine not the fucking other ones but anyway I've got two anyway where are they mate oh look he's still got the common touch there you go

exactly I'll suck on the ice cube and enjoy mate yeah no I'm not going to start drinking tonight may I

zero alcohol beer though I'm into that seriously I discovered that a few months ago it's called lemonade no it's not make it a. Milan. It's called lemonade. No, it's not. Make it a pint, Milan. My dad's got me wallet.

He's got me fucking Dolomites card. I'm trying to buy beers over here. Mr. Cody, is Nick allowed to come out and do our little radio play? Mr. Cody, is Nick allowed to have 12 shots? All right, we'll start this. Well, it's Christmas time, Jenny. The most wonderful time of the year. Goodwill to all men, a new Counting Crows Christmas album.

And putting mistletoe on both you and your partner's genitals to create a truly festive Christmas dinner for two. And it's also time for another secret Santa. Gee, I wonder which mysterious benefactor is responsible for my present. A second-hand incubus album. Oh, awesome. I used to have that

album. Like a day ago. Anyway, forget about that for a second. I have got big news for you, Jenny. Your New Year's resolution is a murder-suicide pact with yourself? No. We're about to hear the pitter-patter of little feet. You mean

you've given yourself a Christmas present by hiring your favourite mini-me stripper, Graham, again? No, Jenny. Even bigger news. You're about to finally have a sibling. I'm having a baby. Wow. It's another Christmas miracle just like 2000 years ago

somehow another baby is going to be born a virgin to a virgin the rare thing where a baby is born a virgin folks you heard it here first that is comedy we weren't as good as that in 2007 more about the Dassler household.

It's pretty exciting news, Jenny. This is the first child I've had, apart from you, that'll hold an Australian passport. Another child is a lot of responsibility for a normal person, let alone a sad, hopefully suicidal, middle-aged burnout like you, Rad Dad. Do you have a midwife yet? What's a midwife?? What's a midwife? Fucking hell.

A midwife is different to a wife. You can't wait ten years to get one of them, okay? You need a midwife because they're trained to assist your partner in childbirth. That's what a midwife does. I've just googled who the most efficient midwife in town is. I've rung the number. Here, talk to them. Hello?

Hi, I'm Ronnie the midwife. You fucking idiot. Why didn't you wear a condom? Always fuck responsibly. There are enough stupid fucking idiots in this world without you having to bring another little fuck face into it. I'll just do my

voice. That's good. Do that. How did any lady that's my actual voice. I'm putting on a bargain accent this do that. How did any lady... That's my actual voice. I'm putting on a bargain accent this whole time. How did any lady even let you have sex with him? I thought it was the other one in the podcast who had the make-a-wish come true. You stupid white people make me sick.

You don't even eat whale testicles for dessert. My advice is wasted on you fucking idiots. Goodbye. Wow, this is great. I'm learning a lot. Right, Dad, have you thought about a doctor to deliver this abomination that you're about to bring into the world? Oh, good point. I read about this great Canberra doctor recently and I hear he's got a lot more free time these days. I'll call him right now. I know for a fact he's already flown specifically to Melbourne

for one poorly organised operation so why not twice? Hello? Oh, it's him Hi, I'm having a baby soon and I wondered if you'd be free to deliver it When's it due? Mid-January Fuck you, I'm just reading.

Hmm, that's going to be tricky. I'm going to be away. What do you mean? Where are you going, overseas? I can't say. Why can't you say? Look, I'm just not the sort of person to talk about sensitive secrets.

Well, at least not with Caucasians. What could you possibly be doing in the middle of January that involves being away that you can't talk about? I mean, this is an emergency. I'll have an unborn child by then that will metaphorically be screaming, I'm a baby, get me out of here. I'm about to get myself into a lot of trouble.

I can hear the jungle drums. I'm going to make like Dorothy and Toto in The Wizard of Oz, click my ruby red slippers and go home. Toto, I love that band. What was their biggest hit again? Shut up. Rad Dad, what about birthing classes? Have you got them organised?

Well, this might shock you after what we've talked about so far, but no, not at all. I'll try and book one now. This one looks good. Spleen birthing class. Hi. Hello. I'm calling to see if I can have a spot at your birthing class next week. Who am I speaking with?

Do you have any five-minute birthing classes? This is Dr Hughes, and sure, come down this Friday. I can get you in for an hour. And an hour? I don't think I can last in a birthday class for a whole hour. I can do ten minutes tops. The classes go for an hour. I guess you could split the time with someone you know. Actually, do you want to split it with me? But I don't know you.

You don't know... You don't know Hughes. How far along are you with the pregnancy? Are you up to that all-important magical moment when you feel the baby kick? Isn't that just everything? Yes, everything is kick. Alright, well, I feel like everyone said all the words that everyone wanted to hear in this exchange,

so let's move on. Well, I certainly feel like I've got this whole childbirth thing under control now. With all of this sorted, I only have one thing left to do. Get ready to flood my social media account with baby pictures. Mmm, is that really a good idea? I think it's a great idea and every single person who follows me will love it excuse me I couldn't help but overhear this conversation hi I'm your next-door neighbor Rick Nody a bit of self-respect dude that's fucked no one wants to see pictures of your fucking baby non-stop? Grow up. Be a king on Facebook,

not a cunt on Instagram. Anyway, good chat. I'm going back to my house to listen to Triple M. Rock sport dumb cunts. Well, I can't see anything going wrong here. Should be a smooth pregnancy and birth.

Who is your partner anyway? Does she live around here? Uh, not quite. She lives in another little country called Thailand, I believe. Wait, I've actually got her on Skype right now. She's about to give birth. Oh my god, it's... I'm watching her come out now. It's a... beautiful baby ping pong

ball. Oh my god. Hey, I'm just it come out now. It's a beautiful baby ping pong ball. Oh, my God. Hey, I'm just glad it's healthy. It's literally a bouncing baby boy. Oh, rad, Dad. Dad. Literally our funniest year ever. We do have one final guest, don't we? Yeah, we got a special little treat, guys.

This is the big end of year show. It is our Christmas extravaganza and as a little present for all you guys. You've heard him on the show during the year. One of the most popular guests you've ever had. We loved him. Please welcome back to the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Pablo Francisco. Whoa! Please welcome back to the Little Dum Dum Club Pablo Francisco Yo what's up Melbourne Yo you Aussies

you're crazy alright man What's with your toilets Half flush what about full flush, dudes? All right, I'm the greatest Australian comedian. I'm the greatest American comedian. I love comedy. Thanks, Pebble.

Thanks for coming in. It is Christmas time. Do you have any, like, Christmas-themed material? Do you have anything like that? Oh, dude, I was just saying, man. I was like, when Santa comes down, imagine if Santa was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, what?

Whoa. How would that go? How would that go? What? Brian can't even handle that. Yeah. Yeah. Rudolph, get in the chimney.

Get in the chimney. I thought that was Nick Cody doing Ronnie Chang does he tell the kids I'll be back hey children be naughty

don't be nice stop it I've got you on a list man I'm the greatest fucking comedian in the world that's great any more dude oh dude you're a man of a thousand voices yeah man I'm so glad you were

asked that because I was thinking right I was like what's a fucking workshop right there what if like Yoda was an elf man do it to us, Pablo. You'd be like, toys I am working on.

Killer. That's exactly what that would sound like. He has done it again. You've ticked off my Christmas list two days early. Suck you off? I will. That's just ad-lib. That's ad-lib. I just made that up.

Any... A bit out of left field? Speaking, we've been talking... Just riffing it out. We've been talking a lot about a guy that hasn't turned up tonight. Yeah. Yeah? Any thoughts about that?

Yeah, imagine if Ronnie Chang was Santa. He'd be like, yeah, okay, I'm going to be there. You don't know what you're talking about. That was Arnold again. And he's close to Schwarzenegger. But we've worked out that Chang and Schwarzenegger very close. That's what we've worked out tonight. And I think what we've worked out

is he won't be here. Get into the chopper. Okay, one second. I'm going to count the blades. Reindeer Man. All right, man. Hey, you're cool, dude. I like you.

Triple limp. Very nice. And very nice work, Mr. Cody, producing this. Good stuff. I'm so jealous of Missing Out on that gag, but compliments. Well done. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyone else? Anyone else that you can imagine as Santa? You guys got this guy like, imagine if Dave Hughes was Santa. Oh, shit. Yep. He'd be like. Here we go. I hate you. Come on.

Come on. Yeah, buddy. Go down to the big apartment, yeah? Dad, Dad, Dad, what's that? No, thank you. Pretty good, pretty good. And now, if I may put in another request, just because I'm such a fan of all your other work, Pablo.

Of course, dude. Not to put you on the spot, but what would it sound like if Husey was having sex with Hughsy? How do you think that would go? It has happened a number of times. We're getting back to the West Warrnambool story. Before I got famous. Still, to this day.

And how would that sound? Oh, yeah, yeah. Good on me. He's losing it. He's come. Oh, good on me, yeah. Oh, no, what's with that? The snake's alive and they're all dead.

Oh, no. This is classic sex talk. I don't know how much preparation you guys give me for this. You're the king. Thank you Pablo Francisco everyone. Merry Christmas Pablo. Wow, what a treat for you guys. What an absolute treat. Merry Christmas, Pablo. Wow.

What a treat for you guys. What an absolute treat. Big, big shout out to Ben Russell who couldn't make it here today, like Ronnie Chang. But, yeah, we really would have liked it. Good friend of the show. But, yeah. Yeah.

I think that's about it, isn't it? Yeah. That's kind of all we've got. Any final thoughts, guys? Any final Christmas thoughts you want to send the people off with? Oh, just Merry Christmas, everyone. Hope you have a bloody good time. No, no, no, just have bloody fun and drink Calendry.

Just kidding, I'm out of contract. Can't drink whatever you want. Get amongst it. If anyone wants a slab of Carlton Zero, I've got 30 slabs in my front yard because Triple M were giving away Carlton Zero, I've got 30 slabs in my front yard because Triple M were giving away Carlton Zero, which is non-alcoholic beer. I can't believe it didn't work on Triple M.

They gave away hundreds of slabs. Not one prize pig fucking came and picked them up. Come on down, tradies. Because I don't drink. I've got them all now. And they go off in February. So I've got a lot of drinking ahead of me. You've got the wrong type of

block now. You've got the block of Carlton Zero camps. And that house is actually up for rent soon. If anyone wants to move into Elfton week, it's only two grand a week. There's a shitload of bedrooms and if you want to fucking start

a backpackers, I don't care. And if you want to buy a slightly used Volvo that smells like McDonald's, hit up Hughes. All right, guys, we've got to wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Big round of applause. Sandastia.

Nick. Hughes. Guys, thanks so much for coming down. Oh, someone threw knickers at us. Oh, wow. We're getting underpants thrown at us. This really is our best year. Oh, this is the best year ever. Finally, people want to fuck us.

Thank you for throwing oversized men's knickers at us. Yeah. Sam, do you want to implore the people to vote in a couple of months? Like for Labor in the election. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates! And fuck Ronnie Chang! No, we love you, Ronnie.

Fuck him. Love Ronnie. Fuck Ronnie. It's family time for Ronnie. Fuck Ronnie. He's a big star. Good on him. Fuck Ronnie. I want to be in the next fucking movie. Could be Yuzi in Crazy Rich Asians 2. Oh, Singapore looks good! Hey, Yuzi, Yuzi in Crazy Rich Asians 2. Oh, Singapore looks good.

Hey, Yuzi, Yuzi, they're not as good as you think. Hey, Sam, now that we're off the record, can we ask you about something that might be happening in Jan? Am I really having a baby? It's going to be sus when Sam gets 7.8 billion votes. And they've done it again. They have. It was the night before Christmas and all through the house.

Not a creature was stirring except for two guys doing it again. Thanks to all our guests that turned up to that one. Some lucky listener in the crowd got plucked out of the audience. The dream came true for some, I'd like to say Patreon subscriber, but he's not a Patreon subscriber. But he's not, yeah. It must be a pretty damning blow if you were there and you were a patreon subscriber and you were noticing one empty seat because of an absent guest yeah and you're thinking maybe this is my chance

you know they had will anderson on recently yeah patreon subscriber he got the call up um maybe it's my turn and then no some bum who doesn't even chip into this yeah gets to be on the show you got him for free anyway. Fuck. It's a cruel world, isn't it? What a deal. Yeah. But thank you.

Thank you to Nick Cody for filling in when we had a certain rat come to not turn up. This feels like ages ago that we did this show. I know. Would you agree? It feels like it was about six months ago. It was quite a while ago. Yeah, we have been saving that up. And, yeah, look, I think it was a really good one despite all of that.

Yeah, for sure. That was a very fun live show. So hopefully you liked the energy of the live episodes. Like we said at the top of the show, heaps of live shows coming from town to town at the moment. Canberra, Brisbane, Melbourne, and of course Koh Samui if you live there. Get along. Like I said at the top, hey Koh Samui, I know it's quite a way off

but this is a crucial period where I guess you guys are making decisions about when you're going to have leave from work, all that sort of stuff, you're planning out your holidays for the year so if you're going to come make that call now because we do have a deal with the

beautiful Ozo Chueng Samui. It is the cheapest it's ever going to be right now in the next week if you listen to this live as it comes out. It goes up slightly from a week onwards, but if you go to our website, you see all the details at littledunlunclub.com slash cosamui. So please get onto all that. Get your shit sorted now before prices go up a little bit. You're probably looking at your New Year's resolutions

that you wrote down for 2019, and one of them may have been to do more fucked things. And so you can go and you can book right now to come to the Costa Mui Podcast Festival, and boom, you've knocked off one of them immediately. How good is that going to feel one week into the new year? And it's the last one. Remember, it is the last one.

There's no fake call here. It is the final Costa Mui movie one so if you've enjoyed the whole idea of this stupid thing we've been doing the last two years uh if you've enjoyed the live episodes if you just want to go on a cool holiday and get fucking bonus cool entertainment every night yeah uh absolutely get amongst this and you know what this tiny little thing people we still get people talking about this oh I'm by myself I don't have friends that are into it and I'm interested in going

guys there will be no problem everyone had a ball the last two years people make friends if you've got any inquiries like that we've got two groups

on Facebook we've got people aware little dumb club where you can sort of meet people and then we've got a Patreon only group as well so

if you're looking for anyone to meet up with, have a chat with people in there, do all that sort of stuff. And there will be a Facebook group eventually in the not-too-distant future for people who are coming to the 2019 edition where you can get to know people in advance of turning up. So yeah, you're not going to be sitting there awkwardly by yourself. It is very easy to make friends at this thing. Totally. And a bunch of the people who keep coming back year after year uh are doing that because they made so many friends the first

year or the second year uh and so they want to like we're we're more of a inconvenience the show itself i think i think these guys like to hang out and then it's like oh it's a bit of a roadblock yeah they're like what do you feel like doing tonight do you want to go to the thing or yeah oh well we're here, I guess. It is like, what are those kind of scams where it's like you get a holiday, but then you have to go to some bullshit presentation? Yeah. It's a timeshare thing where you get like a free week,

and then you have to sit and watch a fucking boring slideshow every night. It's like that. Wear that. So book now. Wear that shit thing. A friend of mine who listens to this told me last night that she's thinking about coming, which would be cool. So, Kate, doate do it get in i want to hang out oh what am i fun to have you there what am i i think he's going to come jimmy so jimmy get your tickets jimmy jimmy and kate get on it does jimmy listen yes but i don't think you listen to this bit he tells me he just

turns off after the real bit. This is the best bit. We did a Patreon episode the other day that was all this, and it was great. It was so much fun. So, yeah, get onto that, littledunlumclub.com. We also just announced live in Brisbane for Sunday, March 17, 4 p.m. The last few times we've gone up, we've done two podcasts or we've done a podcast with stand-up shows,

so it's been a bit more of an expensive ticket. This is just one pod. It's cheaper than it's been the last few times we've come up, so we wanted to make it easier for you guys. You know, budget-conscious listeners, get on it. It's going to be a lot of fun. There's great guests in town that day. Totally.

Usually we go up and we try and justify the cost of us going up there and put on extra stuff and it's like a 50 ticket but this is 25 so you don't even you know you can bring a mate you can afford to bring a mate along you don't even care yeah uh they if they haven't even listened to it before yeah because we do have three guaranteed great great guests people off the telly all that sort of stuff yep and then March the 23rd in Canberra, 5pm, and then me doing my solo show, Balding Cherub, at 9pm on the same night. That show is also on sale for the Melbourne Comedy Festival as well. Looking forward to seeing a bunch of you guys down there,

so come check that out. And then, yeah, a month of shows in Melbourne. Yeah, super passes on sale, an extra late night gig. But, yeah, all this stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can find that. Yeah, get onto that, Melbourne. That's coming up shortly. Yeah, be here before you know it. Yeah, exactly.

Those four big shows. And they're always really full. So they get fuller and fuller every year. So make sure you get your tickets before they sell out. Plus, we've got that extra late night show. Plus, there's the Drunk Cast, of course. Yes. All the details cast, of course. Yes. All the details are on our website.

That season pass that you talked about, Tommy, that guarantees you entry into the drunk cast at the end of those run of shows. Yep. So get onto that. And, yeah, thanks to everyone that came down to the episode that you just heard and sold it out so quickly. It was nice to meet everyone afterwards. Maybe worth issuing a bit of a reminder. going forward into a run of live shows.

Look, come and have fun, but it is worth reminding people if a modicum of self-control could be exercised at our shows, that would be very much appreciated by us. Look, this is the thing where usually I've said this to you in the past several times, Tommy. I say, you know, after a show, don't don't fuck off hang out let's talk to people let's come along to see to see us and i'm always like let's have a beer i go at the end of the shows i'll go hey if you want to come and have a chat i'll have a beer with you stick around let's have a chat and then after that show the other day

i was like sorry tommy i think i got it wrong yeah yeah we had a bit too many a bit too many examples of people coming up going here's what's fucking wrong with you yes yes yeah look i i am happy to chat but i'd rather it be like not i'd rather it not be broadcast like i want people to have to like take the initiative to go hey maybe i'll go speak to that guy you're going please here's a big target that i've painted on my back please here's the kick me sign that i'm hanging over my dick yeah please come up and let me have it yeah um but yeah i mean not to not to sound uh ungrateful or whatever it is it is not it is awesome to meet people and stuff but yeah just a just a couple of examples recently of people just really bending the elbow a little

bit too much during the show oh yeah and then us us having to hear about it and it's, A, not our responsibility and, B, not a fun way to unwind after doing a gig. Yeah. And it turns people into a bit like they're on the internet. It's like, you know, on the internet, oh, yeah, you suck. Cool. Block. In real life, you suck.

Oh, what else? Yeah. And as we've discussed, you're a keyboard warrior. You're not in real life you suck oh what else yeah yeah and as we've discussed you're a you're a keyboard warrior you're not a real life warrior yeah no well i am a bit yeah i mean sure but um anyway yes heaps of live stuff coming up uh can't wait to see you guys there responsibly enjoying yourselves yeah yeah you can't breathalyze yourself before you come up and talk to us yeah oh that would be fuck that would be great us there at a little meet and greet booth and we've got we've got a breatho and we've got a limit that you have to be under in order to talk to us but it's like i love that you know like our mates the dollop you know this look they're more popular than us, but they charge for meet and greets. And it's like, wow, we're not big enough to do that.

Most things do that, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not big enough to do that. But also, it's like, imagine charging people and then them just come up going, ah, you're fucked. Yeah. You are fucked. Well, I guess at least we got that money.

Yeah. At least we got the money, I suppose. It's also part of the problem is us mostly doing shows in venues where it's not really an option for us to be hidden before and after the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fair enough. We often are doing door and tech for ourselves as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, look, there's a few of the bigger ones. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, all right. That's live show talk. Yeah. But, yeah, don't want to be too negative about it,

but it is a, if you can, yeah. You just have these great fun shows and then you get to the end of it and then someone's there to fucking try and kick you in the teeth. Totally. Fuck, just relax, cunt. Yeah.

Anyway, moving on. Now, cunt. Yep. Anyway. Anyway, moving on. Now, enemies list. Yes. Oh. Update. Did we just do that one? First week for 2019.

Enemies list, our fans. First entry for 2019. Wow. Reigning champ of the 2018 list. Really? That cunt that sat on my headphones on the plane. Oh. I'm letting it go. I'm not getting the money. No money. Send him the bank details. Oh, That cunt that sat on my headphones on the plane. Oh! I'm letting it go.

I'm not getting the money. No money. Send him the bank details. Oh, so there's no update. You're just saying you're letting it go. He's back onto the enemies list because I've had to accept the money is not happening. He was on first of all because he sat on them. Then he was on because he was stringing me along and was like, you know, crying poor about not having the money.

And then I sent him all that stuff and there's just radio silence now. So now he's in for the third time because it's like, okay, this cunt has just fucked me and I'm never getting this money back. Right, right, right. Okay, bang. Yep. So he's made it twice for the same thing. He's made it for sort of different versions of the variations on a theme.

All right. You know, he's like, he's like Wes Anderson. You know, people kind of say he's just, he's just doing a lot of the same things all the time. If you're into it, that's fine. But I'm not into it. I would have to say if when we started the enemies list, I would love to have put 50 bucks on you putting more people on the enemies

list than me. Really? Yeah. Because I think you're the only one you putting more people on the enemies list than me. Really? Yeah. Because I think you're the only one that's got anyone on the enemies list, aren't you? Oh, right. So you're saying you haven't contributed? Enough, yeah. Yeah.

I'm saying you've got more enemies on the enemies list than me. Yeah. I would have thought it would just be me. Do you understand what I'm saying? You thought you would have been adding to the enemies list every week And I never would have been Yes Yeah, yeah

Oh, totally Me too Yes And you're every week You're coming in going What happened to this fucking enemies list that we were going to be doing? I'm like I honestly thought you'd be carrying this

Yeah, yeah, yeah And then me, it'd be like Oh, I don't know The barista forgot to put sugar in my coffee yesterday I guess that pissed me off Yeah I guess I'm too nice of a guy. You got anything anyone come to mind?

Anyone over the silly season really get your goat? Over the silly season. And then he's like, no, not really. No one. Just, you know what? Just, you know, talking about the live shows, just punters. So I run a bunch of gigs. Fucking hell. No, but I run a bunch of gigs fucking hell no but i run a bunch

of comedies you know stand-up shows in melbourne a lot of listeners turn up to it it's quite nice some people come in and make themselves known they just they come in and go oh i really love the show or just they go i'm aware or g'day dickhead or and as we've talked before i fucked your mom yeah yeah yeah one of our classic catchphrases. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for coming along, Dad. Yeah. Anyway, but then some people sort of make themselves known during the show. So very nice of you to come along and do that. And also Common Sense because they're great gigs.

Basement Comedy Club on a Saturday in Melbourne. Thursday Comedy Club at the European Beer Cafe as well. And Monday Comedy at Spleen. So thanks for coming along to all that. But, fuck, there have been, you know, a bunch of them have been selling out. So last time – Oh, I saw you take a phone call. You saw me take a phone call.

I watched you take a phone call. Yeah, so what happened? Pacing around on my balcony. Oh, man. So these people – Fucking hell. Pacing around on my balcony that I had just recently bought outdoor furniture for and tidied up. So I'm watching you ranting and raving like Donald Duck, but going, God, it looks nice

out there now. Yeah. Fine. People come in and they go, like, the show will sell out. And they'll come in and go, yeah, but I want to get in now. Cool. Well, so did all these other 150 cunts. But guess what?

They bought their tickets four weeks ago. So what do you reckon about that? Watching someone have a fight on the phone is awesome because you're only getting one side of it. So then there's a gap and you just get to imagine what the other person is saying. Oh, man, this one guy that you saw, so he rings up and goes, oh, can I get a ticket? And I'm like, where are you getting this?

You know, why are you ringing? Oh, because I saw a note on the internet. And what did the note say? Oh, it said that it sold out. And so what's the question again? Can I have a ticket? Okay, right. Well, that makes sense yeah great he goes oh well you know i want to get it you know it's not fair i'm like what's fucking not fair about that 150 other people fucking figured it out in time oh well you know if i come down can i get in i said man if you come

down if you get down really early we've got a few tickets on the door if you get down really early you'll be able to get one of them so what's he do doesn't get down early yeah then oh fucking i come down and i couldn't get any and then he waits around i go man if you wait upstairs for half an hour if people don't turn up i'll let you in cool all right so half an hour later he comes back and he goes and i go mate yeah you're good you'd have to stand by the bar. All the seats are taken. But if you want to stand by the bar, oh, fuck this. Fuck you. You said I'd be in if I came down. And I go, you are in, you fucking idiot.

You're in here. You just see how there's 20 other people at the bar? You just stand there. So just stand there. Nah, fuck this. Okay, mate. Fuck you. You're a cunt. See you, mate. See you. He goes, oh, no, you're a fucking cunt Nah, fuck this. Okay, mate. Fuck you. You're a cunt.

See you, mate. See him. He goes, oh, no, you're a fucking cunt. He goes, see you, mate. Doing the catchphrases at him. Yeah, no, honestly. Because that was, nothing makes you madder than someone giving you a bit of, see you, mate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's what you're. Patronizingly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I mean, you have to go, you have to dig deep. You have to go way back in the history of Dunham Club episodes to find out that bit. But that's when I first started saying CMAs because that was a story of mates of mine.

You remember the story? You were on a bike ride together or something? No, no, no. Two mates of mine were on a bike ride together. And one started to get really competitive. And then the other one was like, oh, this is weird. And then started to speed up. And then the other one got faster again. And the other one got faster again and was like i'm in an

accidental race this is weird that my mate has turned this into a race yeah yeah and then the first guy who turned into a race just saw a little shortcut or something went fucking boom like cut across him and like race down there and then the other guy kept to his path and then the first guy just came to a dead end great so then the second guy just rides past him and goes, see you, mate. And so we were just always saying, see you, mate. If you're that other guy, you would have been seeing red. Yeah. It's great.

So I was giving this guy. Anything in a little sing-song voice when you're in the middle of a fight is awesome. That's going nuclear. That's pushing the button. So I was giving this guy a bit of see him see you mate yeah see you bye mate yeah yeah and he was giving me the bird fuck you you fucking cunt he gave you the bird flipping someone the bird is sick and he was with his girlfriend i drove i drove uh home from red hill last night and we're driving under the chairlift and i was just giving the bird to people out the window

who were on the chairlift and it's like, it's so childish, but fuck, it feels good. These people have done nothing. Just families trying to enjoy the weather and then some cunt leaning out of the window fucking flipping them the bird. So this guy, that's what happened to that guy.

That guy races off and he walks out and the bouncer comes back and goes, fuck, and what did you do to that guy? Fucking hell, he was mad. So then I'm with you recording a thing. We're doing work and then your phone starts flashing and you go, oh, sorry, I've got to take this. And then a second lady around on the balcony going, listen, cunt.

Like, is this work? Did this need to interrupt what we were doing? A guy rings up and goes, oh, anyway. anyway um and i go oh this must be about next he goes oh basement comedy club i go oh yeah this is next week's gig he's no last week's gig i'm like well you're a bit late for that oh no i was uh i don't know if you remember i rang up yesterday and uh i go a lot of people rang me up yesterday oh i rang up and then i uh you promised me i could get like i know you, mate. Here we go. I know you, mate. So then he's like, oh, you promised me. And I go, hey, just can we get this clear?

Have you rung up to say the same argument you did to my face that ended with you giving me the bird and saying, fuck off, cunt? Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. I didn't say fuck off. I said, piss off, cunt. Oh, that changes everything it does change everything yeah no worries so then i'm like okay i don't know i don't know i don't know what we can

do here yeah all i can do from now on is add you to the enemies list i can't fucking i said all i can do is suggest that you go back in time for four weeks and buy a fucking ticket like everyone else did last night oh well, well, this is fucked. Who can I talk to? You can talk to me because I'm the only boss. So what have you got to say other than fuck off, mate? Great, great. Well, it's not good enough.

Okay, mate. See you, mate. Yeah, I've got to say, though, I do begrudgingly have to give this guy a bit of respect. Like, feeling burnt and then hopping on the phone the next day is a fucking huge move. I kind of love it. It's insane.

But I do love – Talk into the microphone. I do love the thing of him being like, well, let's just maybe – it's like the Penske file or whatever the fuck, George Costanza in Seinfeld, where it's like, I'll just walk back in and pretend nothing's happened, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what was he wanting to get out of this arrangement? I don't know.

That's what I'm saying. I'm like, what do you want out of this? If he'd paid and because he didn't end up going in, did he? No. So if he paid and felt ripped off, then maybe he could be going for a refund. But what's the, what's he hoping? Was he hoping you'd just give him free free lifetime membership yeah for the rest of his life some gold class ticket where i was like and i was like going let's remember you told me to fuck off

yeah yeah like you can't walk back on that i'm not now going cool well this guy i i want to keep this guy's business around because he's the sort of guy that tells me to fuck off and that's the sort of clientele i want i have to say i get enough stuff from that from the podcast i don't need it from the normal stand-up comedy gigs. Yeah, that must have been thrilling for you, just a guy that just like hates you just off his own volition, like no outside forces. I will say though that I do, I can kind of relate like the thing

of like calling up about it being sold out because if I drag my heels on buying tickets to something that I want to go to and then I see online that it being sold out because i if i drag my heels on buying tickets to something that i want to go to and then i see online that it's sold out there's a part of me that thinks well surely this doesn't apply to me yeah like there'll be a way that i'll end up being able to buy a ticket somehow yeah like i'll go look on websites i'm like nah there must be a way yeah for me the great man this is just for everyone else. Totally. And I cop it every week. I get little yous ringing me up every week. Having said that, I... I would never...

I never ring... I'm not going to... I'm not chasing it. Like, I'm not emailing the fucking promoter going, listen, cunt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, Mr. Master, if that is your real last name, there's a fucking ticket there for me, you cunt.

Speaking of which, if anyone has a ticket to the internet that they want to sell me in Melbourne, then hit us up. You don't need a ticket to that, mate. You just need to log on. Oh, he got me. He fucking got me. So as we're recording this, last night I was curating my comedy night called Basement Comedy Club in the city in Melbourne.

Dave O'Neill was headlined. We had a special guest called Hughes. So there was some aware ease in the crowd. Is this in addition to the enemies list? No. Oh, okay. No. This is just a fresh anecdote.

This is a freshie. So the enemies list is the phone call guy. Yeah, whoever that cunt is. Yeah, okay. Is and was. Great. Because he dead now. So last night, great night.

Bumper night. Sold out night. It was the opposite of the week before where there was people that couldn't get in, but they were like, you know what? We fucked up. How bad? I'm sorry to waste your time. Like, what a night.

This is great. People apologizing for not getting tickets. Great night. So packed. Everyone killing. Everyone going. Great guns. Great lineup. Dave O'Neill goes on. And I'm like, what a perfect night. apologizing for not getting tickets great night so packed everyone killing everyone going great guns great lineup dave o'neill goes on and i'm like what a perfect night and then someone and

danny mcginley friend of the show who was hosting yep no just me and goes you might want to check out this you might want to um check out the crowd over here uh someone's doing something they shouldn't be doing oh and i look over someone's got the uh the phone up just just taping the gig oh nice and i'm like, you can't have that. So I go over, give him a nudge and go, you cannot film the gig, okay? Okay, no worries. Yeah, sorry. Okay, no worries.

And then I go back and sit down and go, who fucking pirates a Dave O'Neill stand-up set? He's not fucking Chris Rock. Was it a listener of this? Oh, no, that doesn't even make sense. I was going to say, is it a listener of this hoping they can catch him saying, hey, poofs, and then leak it and get in trouble? But it's like he's already – this is a public form of media. Yes, exactly.

No, no, no. He's just – they're just taping his gear that he's been doing for 10 years. Yeah. I really don't get – I went and saw Interpol the other night with Nick Capa, and there was a guy sitting – Oh, they were performing with Nick Capa? Yeah, yeah. He came out and did a song about 69.

Right. There was a guy like three rows in front of me just like live on Instagram just filming the whole – literally the whole gig. Yeah. Just going live on his Instagram page and it's like, oh, yeah, I'm sure your fucking ten followers are loving this. Yeah, yeah. Like from the back of the room, they're tiny on stage.

It'll sound like shit. It's like, what? Like I don't get it. Some people are fucking mad for it. I understand filming a few seconds to just, I don't know, put on your social media or whatever and go, I'm here. That's fine. This is what I'm doing.

But just, yeah, bootlegging the whole thing in the worst possible way is insane. Yeah. It might have been. To be fair, it might have been. Dave O'Neill might have paid that person, and there might be his new Netflix special coming out. That would be pretty great. Do you think we'll see – I reckon we're only a couple of years off seeing that.

Someone filming a Netflix special, like, on a phone. Yeah. Or a stand-up special. It would be pretty cool. Yeah. It wouldn't be bad. Okay. Let's get into this.

Well, quickly, we should plug this Friday, if you're listening to this hot off the bad. Okay, let's get into this. Well, quickly, we should plug this Friday, if you're listening to this hot off the presses. Okay. We have the pop-up shop, the grand opening and closing down. It's all in the one night. We're going to have some new shit there for sale, 6 till 9 p.m. at 1 to 5 Perry Street, Collingwood. Yeah, we're going to be there.

We've got some beers to give out. It's going to be a lot of fun. So come down and check that out. Some brand new, unique merch that we've made for it, along with all the other stuff that we've got. We've got some nice little ideas. We're going to make it a fun little party sort of thing. So, yeah, come on down during any time of those hours because we're anticipating having enough people coming down there

that you can't hang out in the shop for all three hours. So come down. Pick your time. Come down. We'll have some food. We'll have some drink. Yeah, it out in the shop for all three hours. So come down. Pick your time. Come down. We'll have some food. We'll have some drink. Yeah, it's in a good part of the town, and there's heaps of shit to do around there afterwards.

So I'm sure there'll be stuff going on. But, yeah, that's going to be heaps of fun. We're looking forward to that. That'll be fun. Yes, let's get into this. The Patreon, thank you to everyone who continues to chip in to the show. We really appreciate it. And we send out magazines.

We send out bonus episodes. And as part of it, if you want to support the show, We really appreciate it and we send out magazines, we send out bonus episodes and as part of it, if you want to support the show, you get your little name read out. That's it. And if you want to make that a news resolution to support the show that you love so much. Support the arts. Go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. A lot of people get stuck. They go onto the patreon.com website and it's got one of the

worst search engines of all time why is it so bad yeah like they don't really have to do anything with their service other than have a fucking search function that works why does the little dumb dumb club come up on the 10th page of search results for little dumb dumb club didn't they used to be when you'd put us in like a porn star or like a porno thing or something would come up? Totally. Before us? Yeah.

That sucks. Yeah. But anyway, go do that. Chip in. Yes, you can pay whatever you want. There are some sweet rewards

for different tiers. Yes. Have a look at what you get for each tier because some people get somehow confused with that, even though it's very spelt out. It couldn't be simpler.

Yep. Anyway, as a tradition on this show, the last couple of years, what we do is we read some names out of people that do do that. Okay, let's crack in. Let's start up the unplanned title, Alternator. Spit out some random names. No bias here, just uh up to the whim of technology um number one out of an you know unlimited amount of people we're going to read

out this week we're just going to do this for infinity hours are we right yeah so then people will never hear this because we'll just be doing it until the end of time oh yeah right okay well sorry about that guys not so much of a reward after all. But, hey, this will be a sweet little time capsule. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, number one out of however many, who knows. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Vince Cram.

Damn, I really hoped that was going to be Colossimo. Oh, no. One of the Wogboys himself chipping in. Can you imagine? I think he spends his money in a different way. I don't think he's into podcasts. I think I've told you this. Have I talked on the show about how I see Nick Giannopoulos

literally every day at the moment? Oh, really? He must live in a street near me because I see him in the coffee shop every day. What do you reckon? Should we try to get him in? Absolutely not. I saw him once. He used to go to the same Coles as me, Should we try to get him in? Absolutely not. I saw him once in the... He used to go to the same Coles as me

and he'd walk around in Coles with dark sunglasses on. I was like, fucking hell. He's like a cartoon... Sorry someone's trying to recognise you as you're buying a six-pack of Paddle Pops. Yeah. He is like a cartoon character in that every day when I see him, he is wearing the exact same thing.

Really? He's just in the same outfit. He's like Bart Simpson. He's got this deus... Wow, the Nick Capper of ethnic comedy. Just doesn't wash. Yeah, yeah, totally. I watched some clips on his Facebook page of the tour that he did recently

and they're worth looking at if you want to see a certain... Just material killing harder than you ever thought possible. Right. Just him doing gear that is, you know, whatever. I'll say this, not for me. What a very kind way of saying a certain thing. I don't want to end up on his enemies list for 2019. I have to see him every day.

What if someone, you know, rats us out to him? That's an absolute certainty now. That's an absolute certainty, yeah. I mean, maybe him every day. What if someone rats us out to him? That's an absolute certainty now. That's an absolute certainty, yeah. I mean, maybe, look, you know what? Go for it. I want to see if I can get things to just be really awkward in this cafe. I want to say this. I don't want to have to move somewhere, go somewhere else. Can I ask this of listeners?

Do not rat us out. If we say something about someone, don't rat us out. It's the lowest kind of person. It is. Someone ratted a long time ago. I don't think I've talked about this, but years ago, someone ratted me out, and it was an ill-judged statement. It was an ill-judged train of thought. But I don't even know how we got onto this.

I know what this is. Yes. But I got onto the then-part partner of Killing Heidi, lead singer, and previous guest of this show. Friend of the show, yep. Yep. Ella Hooper. And I was describing the looks of the boyfriend and I was not being positive about them. Yeah.

I was being quite insulting. I feel like I was amping them up for comic effect. You said that he looked like he'd been hit by a car and then there were five other things that had happened after that. Being hit by a car was just the beginning. Right. Okay. Well, see, I don't actually think that.

That was a comic exaggeration. Oh, okay. Some exaggeration. Yes. Right, right, right. And look, that was purely out of a place of jealousy from me because I've always had such a crush on Ella Hooper. I think she's absolutely gorgeous. A beautiful young lady.

Yep. So that was all out of, that was the green-eyed monster there that was talking. Well, fucking people just ratted me out straight away. So I went back to her, went back to him. I then heard back from them. I saw them at parties things were extremely awkward yes yes look sure i deserved it but if you can just enjoy the content without making our lives

even harder than they need to be i feel like yeah this should be treated as a sacred space i feel like you can talk talk to the talk to people who you know listen about the content that's fine let's Take something out of context. Well, I mean, there really is no other context than just you going, this guy looks like shit. I'm trying to do you a favor here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not defending myself.

Look, I said to start with, no good. I was doing it to be funny and I was also jealous. That's all it was. But I should be able to say horrible things without any consequence. It's unfair. Right, right, right right it's just unfair right right yeah i wonder is there anyone else kind of prominent figure that sort of thinks that you're like trump is what i'm trying to say oh okay right right okay like when trump said that guy looked like he got hit by a car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when Trump was trying to, like when Trump was fantasizing about Hello Hooper. Yeah. All right.

But yeah, keep it to your fucking selves, guys. Yeah, yeah. Unless it's to Nick Giannopoulos. Oh, you want them to tell him about it? I mean, I didn't really say anything bad. Oh, yeah. You said comedy's not for me. I'm jealous of his boyfriend.

That's why I'm lashing out. Anyway, Vince Cram. Yeah, fuck. What a name. Yeah, how have we gone down that sidetrack and spent 10 minutes talking about other things that aren't the name Cram? The wog boy and killing Heidi. Fuck.

Vince Cram named after the show that got Dilruba Jai Singh in his logi. Yeah. Vince. Was it specifically that show? It's just kind of for everything, isn't it? It's just for sort of being on TV that year. It was for Cram. And Utopia.

And Utopia. And maybe Have You Been Paying Attention, I guess. Yeah. And one of the episodes of this that we put on YouTube. Yeah. And The Biggest Loser. Yeah. Yeah.

Not weight loss edition. Yeah. Cram. Cram. What a name. Not weight loss edition. Yeah. Cram. Cram. What a name. Cram. C-R-A-M? That's it, boy.

I'm into it. It's got everything. I think Vincent's a cool first name. No? What would you, you go to school with someone called Vince

Cram, right? You don't like him. Okay. Interesting. What do you got for him? Ooh. Hmm. Vince Cram

more like Vince Ham after John Ham the ugliest man on the planet looks like he got hit by a car

and then run over by a bulldozer yep fuck Vince Ham fucking hell glad I don't have the name Cram after that one. What would you have for him?

Hey, Vince, why don't you cram this up your ass and I'd point at my dick. Cool. Yeah. So you want to fuck him? Yeah. Yeah, sorry. You like him. To be clear, this is not an insulting thing.

This is if I thought he was beautiful. And guys, don't go ratting us out don't go telling us don't go telling him that we've said this about him don't even though he's paid for exactly this and he's probably listening waiting for this to happen don't be telling him that if i was at school i would be trying to fuck him okay that's not cool oh hang on and they could they could stop my chances of me fucking him at some stage. Totally, yeah. Just quickly, speaking of the enemies list before,

I'd like to maybe we could start the goodies list. I'd like to give a shout out to someone I met the other day at a music event, a listener of this show who… Is it Vince Cram? Maybe it is. I don't know. We're talking about him now. I didn't ask his name.

Right. But I'd just like to give a quick shout out to a listener who did a little quote unquote transaction with me at a music festival that I was at. Swapped a bit of spit. Thanks very much to that gentleman who gave me a discount on the goods because, and I quote, I feel bad that I don't chip into the Patreon. Oh. He gave me a discount on the goods because, and I quote,

I feel bad that I don't chip into the Patreon. So he was a male gigolo who gave you a discount. Yes, exactly. Wow. Yeah. Okay. I fuck blokes. Right.

For money. Right. Imagine. You fuck blokes for money. Hang on. Yeah. You pay money or you charge money. Because he gave you a discount. Yeah.

He gave me a discount. Yeah, he gave me a discount. Yeah. Why did you go? Why did you start this line of questioning? Because I was confused. I thought that that's what was happening. I can't think of anything else you'd be paying someone for. My mind goes, when I think about money, it goes straight to sex.

Straight to male prostitution. You didn't say I was a male at that point. Oh, maybe you did. I did. Yeah, I did. Okay. Anyway, thanks to that. Thanks to that guy.

He's on the goodies list. Right. I want to have a bit of balance each week. Right, right, right. Was it a sizable discount? Was it on the sex you had? It was. I should probably send him the bonus episode.

Oh, right. All right. Well, thanks, Vince. Yeah. Thanks, Vincent. I felt like we crammed a lot of content into that name. We really did. Yeah.

I hope we did justice to Vince Cram. I felt like there's a lot there. Cram's just such a... Yeah, but it's one of those... We talk about this a lot. It's one of those ones where there's almost too much going on. That's why I had to deviate into Vincent Colosimo because I needed some time to kind of get my brain used to the idea of Vincent Cram.

Yeah. What a fucking name. That's the best name. Well, sometimes in the past, there'll be ancestors that have done a certain job and they'll name, people get their names off the job that they used to have, right? Right. Wow.

My first new fact I've learned for 2019. So with this guy, I feel like his ancestors for a living, they used to have the name of Spider-Bait's drummer, but misspelt for a living. No, they were all in Spider-Bait. That's what his ancestors were. They all used to drum for Spider-Bait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Right. Okay. A family of Spider-Bait drummers. Spider-Bait are like Spinal Tap, where they've just gone through so many drummers. They just keep regenerating a new cram. It has to be someone with the name Cram. They're not fussy about how it's spelled.

I met Cram years and years and years ago. You know what? I went and saw a World Cup qualifier for soccer with a couple of mates and Cram from Spider-Bait was one of them. Wow. And I was like excited. Yeah. I used to love Spider-Bait when I was a kid.

But you know the thing of like I don't know what to say to him. So he – I was having a beer opposite him at one stage and I go, oh, I won a music trivia night at a Ballarat pub because I knew what your real name was once. And he was like, cool, walked away. Oh, wow, that's great. So bad. I've met him when he was on a TV show that I was working on. And similar thing. I love Spider-Bait.

And not knowing what to say to him. And I noticed that we were wearing the same watch. And I went, we have the same watch. And then I'm like, can I get a photo of us both showing the watch? So I'll try and find it. I've got a photo of me when I was like 22 or something. It's me and Cram proudly displaying our, just

this Casio calculator watch that like everyone had in that year. Like everyone had it around then. It was at its peak of popularity. Back when you used to work on Countdown Revolution. Yes. That's pretty cool. Yes. That was a cool job. Great. Yep. Alright. Thanks. Thanks Vince Cram. Thanks Vince.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Harris Gilders. Gilders. Yeah. What do you think about that? A lot going on with that name. Harris is a first name. See, because I'm seeing all these names through a new prism now because I have an offspring of my loins appearing into the world soon.

So I'm now having a look at everyone's names and going, oh, is that a name? So you're going to name your kid after a Patreon subscriber? Maybe. There's a big chance. There's enough of them. Yeah. Should we start a thing where if you end up naming your kid,

if we have a listener or if we have a Patreon subscriber that has the same name as your kid after you've done it. You get a free t-shirt or something. They get something. Yeah. Yeah. You get to come and... Now, you can't look through the list of Patreon names and deliberately not name it any of them to get out of giving out a t-shirt.

Yeah. Fuck. There will definitely be a listener that has the same name as your kid. Definitely be a listener that has the same name as your kid. Well, let's have a look right now because there is a name that my wife wants to name if it's a girl. Right. And we have one result so far. Yep.

Interesting. So there's a chance. Interesting. Yeah. We don't have a name for a boy yet. So... Yeah, you do. Do we? Yeah. Not Tommy. The one that she wants boy yet. Yeah, you do. Do we? Yeah.

Not Tommy. The one that she wants to call. Not Tommy. It's not going to be fucking called Tommy. She's already suggested other people. I'm like, I know a comic called that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not happening.

That was Adam Knox's call that that was going to be very difficult for you to find a name. But Harris Gilders, I don't know that I'm into it. I don't know that I like Harris and Gilders because I see this guy pop up on the socials every now and then and it pisses me off because I always think that it's gliders. I'm like, that's cool and then I realise, oh, it's Gilders. You think gliders is cool? Gliders would be cool, yeah, Harris Gliders.

That sounds like hang gliders. Hang gliding is cool? Gliders would be cool, yeah. Harris Gliders. Right. That sounds like hang gliders. Yeah. Hang gliding's a cool sport. That's pretty cool. Harris Gilders. Maybe he's under witness relocation protection or whatever. Where they just change your name by one letter. Yeah, by a couple of letters.

And his real name was Hang Gliders. And it's like, fuck, this kind of is going to be way too easy to find with a name like that. We're going to have to change it to something way more clunky and weird. Yeah, Gilders. Yeah, Harris Gilders. The perfect crime. I was talking to a friend the other night. That would be the worst diss, by the way, in the school ground.

Hang gliders. You name Harris Gilders and someone goes, hang gliders. Even as a kid, I'd be like, that is a fucking stretch. You suck, dude. Get out. And then that kid would end up being bullied. Gilders would be thanking his lucky stars because the heat would be off him. I was talking to my friend the other day and she was like, what are you having for dinner?

Riveting conversation. Nice. And I said, I'm having a Kiev. And she told me that up until quite recently, she thought that the chicken Kiev was called a chicken Kevin. Oh, really? Genuinely one of the dumbest things i've ever heard in my life and so she had never said it out loud she'd just seen it written down i don't i

don't know what the story is i i started making fun of her and she kind of clammed up about the story i need to get more information out of this i feel sorry for the fucking city of kiev not a great thing to be known it's it's nothing. It's not a great, what, crumbed fucking chicken? Who cares? Why do you need to attribute a fucking city to that? I was talking to someone about it. Kiev is like, it really is a child's meal. Because it's essentially a giant chicken nugget,

already the domain of children. And then it's like, chicken is the most basic food, but that's not enough for you. So to get it over the line, you've had to stuff some garlic butter into it. It's like you are fucking four years old if you're eating this what's delicious what's if you've got the option of a i mean you know chicken parmigianas exist so why would you go backwards why would you go back to that to be quite honest it was uh just a lonely single man's meal that i just you know just bought just on a whim at Coles,

just saw it and thought. It's even worse. It wasn't even a chicken Kiev. It's honestly one of the most childish meals I've ever eaten. This is so bad. It was a beef brisket Kiev with bolognese in the middle. That is fucking – that's a divorced dad who's about to kill himself. That's what that meal is.

That's the sort of thing that would sit in the back of the freezer for six months for me. Totally. Until I pull it out and go, well, this is the only thing I've got left. Oh, it's expired. Yeah, it was okay. I've got two of them left. I'm going to have one tonight. Fuck.

Have you got a few emergency meals in the freezer? I do not, but that's one of my New Year's resolutions is to just, I only ever go buy food to cook that night. I did a bit of a stock up the other day where I was like, just get some stuff on hand for when you just can't be fucked or you don't have time because too often then it's just like, oh, I'll just get Uber Eats then. I've got emergency meals in the freezer.

Just fish fillets and bits and pieces like that. Oh, yeah. Right. That I can chuck in the oven and they'll be done in 15, 20 minutes. Yeah. But I don't have a microwave. Do you have a microwave? Yeah.

Right. I don't have a microwave. So I've just now got a stock of my freezers now stocked with several items that I just keep buying and then I get them home and go, oh, you can't put these in the oven. They've got to go in the microwave. What? I don't have a fucking microwave. I mean, you could put them in the oven.

They say on the pack, don't put them in the oven. Put them in the microwave. What food is this? I don't know. They're just meals, like instant meals, like whatever they are. I think you should live on the edge and put them in the oven and see what happens.

I was going to say, I feel really bad because they're decent meals. Yeah. But I don't want to chuck them out. So I feel like if anyone wants to come and get an instant meal from my house, I can meet them on the street and just give them this thing. So this podcast is going to turn into like Marley Spoon now. We're just sending food to people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is a food bank. Yeah. Yeah. So hang on how many times have you done how many times have you bought microwavable meals and then gotten home only to then remember that you don't have a microwave yeah but they don't say chicken kevin this is the dumbest no no no because i don't say they're microwavable i'd love to look at the box and it's just microwavable.

No, they're not. They're not. They're absolutely not. I know one of them because it takes up so much room in the fucking freezer. It's like man-sized meal and it looks great. Oh, hell yeah, dude. I can see what dragged you to that. Yeah, I'm like awesome.

I'm a man. This looks great. Yep. And then it's like, oh, microwave. Fucking why? That's pretty funny. It's not very manly. Yeah. Yeah, oh, microwave. Fucking why? That's pretty funny. That's not very manly. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beep. Oven's way more manly than microwave. Yeah, totally. If you had to guess the gender of a microwave and an oven, you know what it's going to be. Well, the oven's a bit more work because you have to sort of regulate it. You have to wait for it to preheat, then you have to put it in. You have to watch the time and make sure you get it out at the right time.

Microwave, you're working backwards. It does all the heavy lifting for you. Here's another solution. Buy a microwave. I think I'm against microwaves. Why? I don't know. It just got into my head that

they're no good. How can you be against a microwave when you have a freezer full of food? You're instinctively buying food that can only be cooked in a microwave. You love the microwave. What should happen is that fucking food should package itself differently so you know what you can fucking

or you know what? It does. It says it on there. It says it in fine print in the back. Well, start reading the fine print. It looks on the front like it doesn't need to be microwaved. What are you talking about? They should make food so how can you make

specific food so that it only works in the microwave but not the oven? That's so fucking dumb. So what, there's a picture on the front of someone loading it

into an oven and going, wow, well, you know, this is the only way to cook this food. How do food, you know,

most of the freezers, How do food? Most of the food in the freezers how do food most of the fruit most of the food in the freezers you can put in the microwave or the oven how can you fucking pick some that go no no no oven for that one i would say that you you will be able to do it it just it's just like it says don't do it what do you what do you think is gonna happen it's just heating it up it's just heating it up in a different way you know what these cunts should fucking know better than me so So, you know

what? I'm trusting them on this one. What do you think is going to happen? Now, that's a dumber thing, I think, than something obviously you go, oh, we'll just chuck it in the oven. They say on the back, for fuck's sake, do not put this in the oven. Nah, nah, nah. Put it in the oven. Just for me, for my benefit.

Just try one tonight and see what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised. What's the alternative? This freezer full of food that you can't eat. I'm going to bring one to a live gig. I'm going to bring it along.

Yes. Someone can have it. Someone bring a little mini fucking like one of those little cooking fucking gas things and we'll cook it on that and see what happens. One of those little cooking fucking gas things. Yeah. And we'll cook it on that and see what happens.

One of those child's cupcake ovens. Bring one of them along. Someone at the next live show, someone bring your microwave from home. Yeah. And we'll ring it up behind the bar. And you can bring. No, on stage. You can bring on stage with the giant extension cord running into the kitchen of the venue. Yeah.

And then you can cook a fucking easy meal or whatever you've got sitting in the freezer. Hey, just so you know, we don't need an extension fucking cord. There are PowerPoints on the stage. We use microphones, you fucking idiot. Oh, yeah. I'm the dumb one. No, I'm going to have to insist that it be an extraordinarily long extension cord. The kitchen, the home of the PowerPoint.

Also, our microphones aren't directly plugged into a PowerPoint. That would be pretty cool. There's plenty of them. There's plenty of them on stage. There's no one's designed a stage and gone, well, we don't need any power up here. Yeah. All right.

Well, let's, okay, let's work on this. All right. We had the show where we had the exercise bike on stage. Does that mean I'm bringing frozen food to Brisbane? Yeah, you're going to have to drive. You're going to have to leave on like the Thursday night to make it. No, I'm going frozen food to Brisbane? Yeah, you're going to have to drive. You're going to have to leave on like the Thursday night to make it. No, I'm going to have to be like those people that get on the planes with the heart transplants.

Yes. With those like little mini medical eskies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, guys, I've got a man-sized beef brisket in here. I need one of these. Excellent, excellent. Okay, we have to do this. Live microwaving of food. Live microwaving of food.

Live microwaving of non-microwavable food on stage. Maybe to make it a bit easier, we could do it at the Melbourne gigs. It can be a microwave residency where each show will do a different meal. Right, right, right. We'll clear out

my freezer during the month of April. And it'll be a little theme for, you know, this week, chicken cacciatore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This week, you know, beef stroganoff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Just make sure there's some men there for these meals that are just your size.

Totally. Are we eating them or are we getting – If we get an audience of all women, we're going to be fucked. We're going to have all these man-sized meals. Although I guess one man-sized meal... If we get an audience of all women, we're going to be fucked. We're going to have all these man-sized meals. Although I guess one man-sized meal, if it's an audience of 100 women, that probably would... Appetite-wise, that would service them. Are you saying that 100 women is equal to one man?

No, I'm saying that's what the appetite is. Is that what you said? According to the makers of these meals, that's what they probably would be getting at. How dare you? I cannot wait for Hannah Gadsby's new Netflix special about you. Alright. Thanks, Harris.

Thanks, Harris. Thanks, McCain. You've done it again. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Wow, they should be the sponsor of this. I wonder if we could make that up. We could should be the sponsor of this. Fuck, let's make that... I wonder if we could make that up. We could try and get McCain on board.

Yeah. Well, that's how... That's where we start, with microwaving their food at the gig. That's... Now, that is a good idea. Thank you to Patreon subscriber James Chappell. James Chappell.

Yeah, cool. Boring name. I want to talk about this microwave thing more. And we... The microwave has to be mic'd up so that it comes to the recording right we get like a surface good luck man we we can't even we can't even get our own voices on the fucking recording of these live shows no that's what it'll be it'll be sorry guys none of your mics were turned on but good news yeah the microwave came

through loud and clear so we get we usually have five stools we get six stools and we put the microwave on the sixth stool in the middle of us. Yes. Right. Yes. And we mic it up. Yep. And then that's the ending is we open the door and we just turn it on.

And we fucking just wipe ourselves out. Right. Right. Oh, we eat it. The guests eat it. We don't get audience to eat it. We just eat it. No, I mean we open the door of the microwave and we turn it on.

We just cop some of those sweet rays. Right. Right. Right. Okay. James Chappell. James Ch cop some of those sweet rays. Right, right, right. Okay. James Chapel. James Chapel. Interesting.

Yeah. He is, you know... He's interesting, isn't he? This is a chapel in many ways, you know. This is a bit like church. Did you... So you grew up... When you were like, say, between 16, 17, 18, 19 years old, were you living in Malvern?

Yes. Did you have local nightclubs that you went out to in Malvern or were they drinking holes or where would you go out? Would you go into the city? We would go to – I was talking to someone about this the other day. This is so funny to me. When I was that age, we would go to the bar that is now your local, the Nevermind.

Oh, right, right, right. That's just up the road from me. We used to go there all the time and now you go there all the time because you live there. And it's very funny to me because it was the big like, yeah, just finished school, Tuesday nights, lying down the street. You'd go there and just like everyone you knew was there. Have I said this on the show or not?

I can't remember. I went there a while ago with my friend Tony from the Avalanches. And we had a big night there. And it is still like that bar. Like, it's not a place I go to all the time because it's quite a young bar. Yeah. But we were there, and it was pretty young.

And me and Tony are both over 40. So, we're sitting there, and we're having a great time, but we're like going, fuck, it's pretty young. The rest of this pub is pretty young. Yeah. It's pretty young. And he goes, nah, man. Nah, it's fine young. The rest of this pub is pretty young. Yeah. Pretty young. And he goes, no, man.

No, it's fine. It's fine. Look at that guy over there. He'd be our age. And I go, have a look at what he's doing. He's picking up his son. He's driving his son home from the pub. Great.

Great. I'm going to a 30th there in a few weeks. Oh. Yeah. It's a good place. I'll try and get you invited. Yeah. I'm going to a 30th there in a few weeks. Oh. Yeah. It's a good place. I'll try and get you invited. I might be there already. You'll be in the other section.

I'll just pop down and we can do a pod and then I'll go back up to the party. So the reason I bring that up is because James Chappell. Yep. At one point, when I lived in Ballarat, you'd get like – there was this weird culture of they would rotate every year, basically every year, every two years, they would rotate what the cool pub was. Yep. So, all of a sudden, overnight,

this pub that would be like the place to go to, no one would go. People would go, why the fuck would you go there? Oh, the place where everyone was two weeks ago, I don't know. Maybe because it was the fucking place to go. But anyway, they've decided this is the new place to go. And then everyone would go to that one. So, there's a place called The Chapel. That was the hot place to go but anyway they've decided this is the new place to go and then everyone would go to that one so there's a place called the chapel that was the hot the hot

place still there now i don't know if it's still a nightclub or not because it's a church that they then just decided it was yeah okay yeah i think maybe it sounds familiar because we've talked about it on the pod maybe before yeah so it was the hot nightclub uh but it was just weird because it's a church and just people getting absolutely off their fucking head and then doing that that do they even still do this anymore phone parties they still a lot of phone parties there and in a church and they just fucked the church yeah and then all of a sudden they feel like they still exist they'd give uh another pub or another bar like a leg up because it was like, oh, this is the hot place, the chapel. Well, we're not open for three weeks because too many soap suds

got into the fucking whatever. I feel like that's every venue that does a foam party. It's like then there's a week clean up. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking bizarre. We should have a foam podcast. That would be great.

Do it at the – That would be great. We should just – every live ep from now on, should just have some fucked theme. Yeah. Foam pod, microwave pod, fucking water slide pod. Just every week, there's some weird gimmick going on in the room. I'll ask if the drunk cast can be a foam drunk cast.

Oh, my God. Wow. It couldn't be. It couldn't be. There's never been... Like, it's a great idea at the time, but then it fucks your venue, and then there's just a lot of cold people

that have been in the foam all night. I've never been to one. I mean, that's really the only... We're always worried about the drunk cast every year because it's like, how do you elevate it? And that's the answer. Foam party. I would love that.

All right, well, I'll look into it. I can't wait to get an absolute no a firm no yeah what the fuck are you thinking I could not handle that

especially because I run other gigs in there just the next you'd hear about it next 12 months yeah whatever I suggest oh could we do this next week

yeah why don't we do another phone party as well and fuck our venue yeah yeah I don't we do another phone party as well and fuck our venue? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

But enough places do it that there must not be too – But imagine that. Imagine that like we're doing the pod, but the phone party is going on like underneath us, like the audience are in the phone, and we're unaffected from the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're on stage just doing the normal show. Yeah, that's what's funny. People are fucking writhing around in fucking soap that drunk cast

this year is going to be interesting because it's the easter long weekend oh and then anzac day is like two days after that so there's no work on so there's no work on the friday or the monday oh and then anzac day is like on the Wednesday. Jeez. Get your season passes. Guaranteed entry plus $5, I think we charge, don't we, or something like that? Well, you know, if we're getting in a fucking big phone machine, maybe the cost of entry will have to go up to cover that. Look, let's cross that bridge when we come to it because I cannot see how the venue are going to say yes to that.

Put down a big tarp yeah fuck that now that's not a bad idea um thanks james thanks james thanks for the idea of a phone party the drunk cast yeah uh thank you to patreon subscriber sue lim lim lim i'm trying to be i'm trying to be subtle with the pronunciation but i I can't quite. L-I-M-N? L-Y-M-N. Wow. Yeah, a lot going on there. Yeah.

No idea why there's a need for that name. Limn. Limn. Limn. Yeah, that's... That's so annoying because it's like, oh, my name's Sue Lim. What's that? Limn? No.

No, idiot. Limn. I mean, that's one of those ones where it's a lifetime of spelling it. You can never just say it. You've always got to then go, L-Y-M-N. Man, I cop it. So, like, I do the, like, we keep harking back for some reason to the gig, but Basement Comedy Club, Saturday nights in Melbourne.

Like I said, get a bunch of listeners that come in. This gig that the way you tell it seems to be the bane of your existence. No, no, no, no, no. See, you talk about it on this episode. No, it's great. But I feel bad for people in that way when they come in because I check people's names off and I'll say, what's your name?

And they go, and I go, what's that? And they go, oh. Yeah. L-Y-Z, fuck it. Like literally someone last night goes, L-Y-Z, fucking a heap of fucking alphabet. And then I was like, that's your own name that you're saying that about. You must be saying that every time. You're the straw that broke the camel's back.

Yeah. Yeah. But you hear them with the voice of, we've said this a million times. Yeah. But see, I always just automatically, like I'll say it and then just spell it automatically. I don't wait to be asked because I know that's coming. Right. Yeah, right, right, right, right.

You've got to get, even just all SOP is, everyone thinks it's two L's. So it's just like, well, I may as well just say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just say the spelling. Yeah. So people sometimes come through and go, they've got their like little joke about their name already you know to be like yep you know um oh they're doing a patreon read about themselves yeah yeah exactly you know if they come through their names like gary cox they're like uh last

time cox uh you know like you know like the like the dick uh whatever they'll say something like that yeah yeah i can see they've spent a lifetime crafting that one. Yeah. But that's what I mean. Sometimes people come through with a gear and I'm like, that is fucking terrible gear. Yeah. For 25 years or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Crafting, honing that. For example, Limb. Let's say they came through. And someone the other day had one that was like, I go, what's your name, please? And they go, Sue. And I go, no, I need the last name. They go, for example, Limb. And i go oh what's your name please and they go sue and i go no i need the last name they go for example limb and i go what and they go oh you know limb we all know about that one and i'm like i don't get it at all like what what are you talking about right oh l-y-m-n

okay bye you go why are you saying that like this why are you saying that? This is your catchphrase about your name. This is your catchphrase about your name to explain it. It makes no fucking sense. It must just be a saying or something that you've never heard. Maybe the name is Microwave. You're like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that?

Maybe that's exactly the answer, Tommy. I think that that's definitely what happened. I'm signing off on it. Sulimna. Sulimna. Like a hymn, but without a hymn in the chapel. Yep, sure. Oh, yeah, kind of working back to back with our previous doc.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Limna. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I hope for your sake, Sue, that you're a young single lady and you're still searching for a hubby and you can get

rid of that confusing fucking name. If that's a name that she's taken. Yeah. Woo. Hope you're an only child. Yep. And you're about to get married and banish that name forever. Wow.

Yeah. That's a big call. Sorry. Sorry, Limna. But it's just too annoying. I put myself in your shoes right now and it's fucking annoying me. Right. It's annoying you imagining a life with that name.

Well, I mean look, it's probably of a background where heaps of people that she knows have similar names. Oh, like her parents? Yes. Yes, that's what I meant. So family gatherings are just like a support group where all they do at Christmas is sit around

and go, God, how fucked this? Yeah. What's your explanation of this? Like, has anyone figured out what the fuck this name means at all? Like, why is there a name? Why is there a need for this name? Like, you know, any animal becomes extinct if there's, like, no need for them or the society can't, you know, keep them alive.

There's no fucking need for limb. Let's kill this sucker off. Yeah, okay. It's natural selection. Yeah, exactly. This name's going to get bred out. Social Darwinism in reverse. Exactly.

Well, thanks, Sue. Yes, thanks, Sue. Sorry, Sue. Can our New Year's resolution be to somehow try and make this bit go for not as long? Fuck, please. I know. This is too long. Let's just do one more.

This is over an hour. Oh, fuck. This literally is just like we do two podcasts every week long. Fuck, please. I know, this is too long. Let's just do one more. This is over an hour. Oh, fuck, all right. This literally is just like we do two podcasts every week now. Fuck. Okay, let's get one more. Let's do it quick. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mansize Comedy. Mansize Comedy.

Yeah. Wow, that's a funny name. Yeah. Because it's like what you were talking about before with the food that you bought. You're right. Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll see you next week.

See you, mate. Bye.