The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 436 - Nick Capper & Brett Blake

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

Lock up your silverware, BRETT BLAKE and NICK CAPPER are back on the podcast! There's a big announcement in this episode that we spend a lot of time going in on, but that we won't spoil here. We also hear a bit about Brett and Capper's recent time in Perth AND we talk about a new hare-brained scheme for our upcoming London shows.Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up: BRISBANE! You guys are awesome so we're coming back. March 17, 4pm. CANBERRA! We're back for one night only. March 23, 5pm. MELBOURNE! We're doing another month of huge shows at the Comedy Festival. Saturday March 30, April 6, April 13 & April 20, 4:30pm. We're also doing an extra show: Late Night Dum Dum. Friday April 5, 11:55pm. LONDON! We're doing two shows on May 5. They're both sold out. Did you miss out? Should we do another one? Let us know!KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Brett Blake and Nick Capper. First of all though, we've got to let you know about a bunch of shows that are coming up all over this great wide world of ours. First of all, we have March... Wide world of comedy. We have March the 17th in Brisbane at the Woolly Mammoth. It is a huge live podcast with some very special guests locked in. It's going to be an awesome show. A few people have hit us up about concerns about,

and most of it's standing, if you have some sort of maybe disability or maybe just some sort of longstanding injury, anything like that. Maybe you're getting on in years and you don't back yourself to stand for an hour. Hit us up and we'll see what we can do. Yep.

Then the next weekend we are in Canberra, March the 23rd, 5pm in the afternoon, I believe. So come check that out. And then later that night at, I believe 9.30pm, there is me doing my solo show,

Balding Cherub. So come out to that. First time back in Canberra for a very long time. So looking forward to seeing all of you guys. Then the following week, we begin a big month of shows in Melbourne. Saturdays at 4.30, March the 30th, April the 6th, 13th and 20th, and then we have the drunk cast on the 21st, the Sunday night, which you can get into if you get one of our season passes.

You are guaranteed entry for $5. And, of course, the late night midnight show on the Friday of April 5th. Yep. So, yeah, heaps of stuff to get into over that month. It is during the Melbourne Comedy Festival. There are big guests locked in, all the best people in town. So you know those shows are going to be great. You've heard them on the feed before.

So this is your chance if you've never been down to one. What are you doing? Come check it out. They're the best shows going around. Then London is the next shows after that. So, yeah, big announcement. We haven't announced the ticketing link being official on the show yet, but during the last week we have put up a show on Sunday, May the 5th,

that sold out overnight. So we put up a second show which has also sold out overnight so we're now doing two shows on the one day in London that are both have both sold out before we could even talk about them

on an ep an absolutely crazy result so we talk about it a bit more within the episode yep but thank you to everyone who's come and check that out

everyone who's already bought a ticket in London that is an absolutely insane result look yeah let's talk a bit more in London, that is an absolutely insane result. Look, yeah, let's talk a bit more in Talking Dumb Dumb about what we can maybe do there. But then also June 11 till 16, the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. The final one.

The final one. Your last chance to see what the hubbub was all about over the years. Yeah. Please go and do that now. We would love to sell out our resort and get as many people over there to do a big farewell to Samui. This is, like I keep saying, this is the best time to do it. The prices go up within the next week.

Yep. Now, they don't go up heaps, but they do go up in accommodation prices. So, if you want to dedicate yourself to this festival, do it now and this is the best possible deal. If you're a fan of getting the absolute cheapest deal you can get, you want to be acting very quickly. That's it. All of that information at littledumbdumbclub.com slash kosamui and then also all the other live shows we've talked about,

littledumbdumbclub.com. Tommy and I are doing stand-up within Melbourne, yeah, around about the same time as we're doing the podcast. So all that information is at the website. Yep, go check that out. But enjoy this episode with Nick Capper and Brett Blake. Big news. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Good to have two guests in here who I didn't have to stress about tidying the house for. Just a nice morning off for me. Yeah. Look, they walked in and went, what's that thing up there?

And I was like, it's a ceiling, guys. Are you not used to this? Well, joining us on the show today, we have Brett Blake and Nick Kappa. Yay! Yeah. It's nice to be inside. The boys are back in town. The boys are back in town.

Hey, we've got to pay for that now. Don't do that. Don't do that. Blakey, happy birthday. Thanks, man. 30-something. So that's good. Yeah.

31. Two. Oh. Fuck. 1987. Figure it out. Can you be dyslexic with numbers? I'm just generally...

I always forget how old I am. It's confusing. Because that's the thing. We're sitting here. It's about... What is it? 11 in the morning or something like that. You've bought a box of Crownies, Crown lagers in here.

Is that related to the birthday? Did you have them on you already? It's my birthday. I'm allowed a day drink. Okay. All right. Oh, man. It's a Tuesday.

You were planning on doing this anyway, and then you were like, oh, it happens to be my birthday. That's cool. I have an excuse for one week out of the year. The funniest case of Brady's dyslexia was we were in Perth. And there are many cases of how funny it is. You rocked up to Spleen with a bag that said B.O. on it last night. And you're about to go to town on me?

Fuck off. Yeah, but you thought... Do you actually bring it along to gigs and then apply it after you get there? Is that how that works? It's my little bag of – It's like your make-up bag. I get the whole green room to myself then, you know? You're like Felix with his little bag of tricks.

Felix the cat. It's just this whole world of stenches in there. Just for people who don't have any, like, smell, they're like, oh, now we know. Yeah, right. It's like his odour is subtitled. There's cartoon stick lines. He just carries a paper around.

Kappa thinks he's on SBS. I like how this turned into a bready roast and then just quickly flip back to you. No, but this is the funniest thing because we were driving his parents' car and he kept flicking the windscreen wipers instead of the indicators. And I was like, oh, yeah, granted, we all do that in a European car. But then I remembered that Brady's car has also got the same on the same side. How is that dyslexia? It has nothing to do with it.

In Blakey's defence, that's just him being a dumb car. That's exactly what I said to him. He goes, it's around the wrong way. And I said, it's in your car as well. You're just a fucking moron. The car I learned had it on the right. It was on the left. Blakey, just blame it on the dyslexia.

That makes it look so much better for you. Actually be diagnosed with dyslexia and diagnosed with being a moron. Fuck, that took me so hard to get that one out. I feel like you almost wanted to use another word. But it's not PC to use it. Does it start with an R? Anyway. It is challenging.

It can be very challenging. Rooted. Rooted. Absolutely rooted. Rooted in the brain. Let's get rooted in the brain. Yeah. Rooted in the membrane.

Rooted in the brain. Let's get rooted in here. Oh, this is already the worst podcast. Blakey, we got you a birthday card. Me and Carl on behalf of the little dum-dum club. We wrote you a nice little message. Do you want to just read that out? Shit.

I knew I was going to have to read something. I nearly brought my glasses. Oh, yeah. Okay. Come on, just read it. Guys, it's a nice thing that we did for you. Dearest Brett. You guys are fucks.

As a great and respected friend and colleague of ours, we hope you have a great day and day. Oh, you fuck. That's not not. Day. I don't know that. Did you say day? That is honestly flipping me out. And get everything you wish for because we great think

you are forever you fucking forever wish great no this is making me sound more stupid than i am every wish can you have a day plus tomorrow and goodbye tommy yeah that was fun. Love you, buddy. Now, the heart feels like you don't actually love me. You just made me do that. And see, honestly, that says day, uh, and. That literally just crippled my mind. Great. I feel really good about that because that's what I was trying to do. I'm almost like you're a bad person.

And see, what's great about bullying you about this is that, unlike Dil, this is forever. Yeah, true. Nah, Dil's coming back bullying you about this is that unlike Dill, this is forever. Yeah, true. Nah, Dill's coming back. He'll be fat soon. You can't go on detox and get rid of your brain injury. You know what? Yeah, true.

It says, dearest Brett, as a great and respected friend and colleague of ours, we hope you have a great day and get everything we wish for you because we great think you are forever and every wish can you, every day plus tomorrow and goodbye. Love, Tommy Carl and. See, the joke's really on you because you could have just wrote that normally and I wouldn't have fucking got it.

You didn't have to go to work and do it. We wasted $6 on a Hallmark card to do that. Who's the idiot now? Fair enough. Well, happy birthday, though. Why is it so funny? Oh, man, that was real. Just good to have something exciting to celebrate like a birthday.

Good to have a really momentous life occasion like that. Yeah. Yeah, birthday happy, mate. Thank you. God, I fucking hate you guys. Yeah, birthdays. They're exciting. Commemorating the day that you were born, you know,

that you came into the world as a shrieking little infant, you know. It's exciting. What's your birthday? What's the day of it? 12th of February. 12th of Feb. Aquarius for all you fans of star signs out there. Does anyone know any other Aquariuses?

Aquario? I know a recent one. Okay. Who? What do you mean recent one. Okay. Who? What do you mean recent? Someone converted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost like this is a massive run-up.

All right, guys. The big news is I have a child. Yay! So it's a week off your birthday, Brett Blake. Hopefully she gets a nice card like that every year. You fucking crumb. Daddy likes picking on people with special needs. As you were doing that, I was like,

you know you're a dad now and are meant to be nicer. You know what I mean? I was like, fuck. I thought it would happen too. In my defense, I thought it would be nicer. You know what I mean? I was like, fuck. Hey, I thought it would happen too. Yeah. In my defense, I thought it would be better. I've been very keenly monitoring you in the last week. Like, okay, surely there has to be changes eventually.

Anything? Anything? Initially, I thought the first couple of days I was like, this is really different. And then as of about, I think, the last 72 hours, you're back, baby. Okay, good. He was back. I swear to God he was messaging me while the one that can't be named was in labour because we were roasting someone

and then you just sent me a photo of you in the hospital with your kid. I'm like, were you messaging me during the birth? You were the worst fucking person. Send the photo to my parents. Look, I'll just send it to Blakey first. Yeah, it's like, yeah, I know you're giving birth giving birth but i like to roast some open micah from your wife looking over your shoulder oh you're sending photos of the baby to your friends no i'm sending a screenshot of something someone did yeah to a group chat yeah no no but it was like that because um i was

very conscious of that because as my wife went into the operating theater that it was like that because I was very conscious of that because as my wife went into the operating theater, it was like, okay, well, you can't go in straight away. Everything's got to get set up. So I had to sit in the waiting room just outside the door. It's like, well, you sit there. It's going to be like 10, 15, 20 minutes. I'm like, well, I know what I'm going to do here. I'm just going to be scrolling through hanging shit on people and whatever.

With the full realization at some stage, someone's going to go that bit when you would call me a cunt for wearing a fucking blue pair of sneakers was that one second before the miracle of birth happened and changed your life

forever yes yes it is I had nothing else to do why did you have to wait outside I don't know they have to

well I don't know they don't bring you straight away I thought you were going to like madman it up and like I'll wait out here love

no no no not at all it's like if your kid got born yeah it's like it's a guy having a whiskey it's like if your kid got born you're like oh this is I don't know. They don't bring you straight away. I thought you were going to like madman it up and like, oh, wait out here, love. No, no, no, no, not at all. Slug if your kid got born. Yeah, slug if it's a guy having a whiskey. Slug if your kid got born, you're like, oh, this is great, but it does not compare to the screenshot of that fuck post. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you crying, Carl? Yeah, it was such a sick burn. I really roasted him. This guy said he killed at Spleen last night. He fucking bombed. To be honest, we were chatting and then you sent me a photo of you and your daughter. Have we said that yet? That it's a girl?

No, we haven't. It's a girl. It's a girl. Yeah, I honestly was genuinely surprised that you had told me and not saved it for on the pod. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I thought I could easily do it. And look, I sent that stuff out to a couple of you guys about a day later. So it actually happened.

Oh, it happened the day before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're not a bad guy, is what you're saying. I remember after Euro, you know, Ben Knight and i were there and a few other people and becky and uh you know you told us while you had a box of money in your hand i don't know and posters that you and you said yeah i've had the had the baby and it was good hearing the news you had the baby what was better watching you get hugs and your face just scrunch up at any human contact. That was so good. I mean, the baby was cool. Watching Carl Grimace was great.

He reluctantly gave me a birthday hug today. It was like, oh, I don't want connections. That's not true. That's not true. When I was staying at Brett's house His dad just roasts him non-stop Anyway, I've got more baby stuff But whatever's more important Let's talk about my dad

This is about hugs This is great, right? Yeah, this is related This is about someone else's child It's about my dad who doesn't like giving hugs Yeah, it's about someone of the same intellectual capacity Of your one-week-old baby Wait, my dad or me? How the fuck did they grow up so fast? But it was the best line of the same intellectual capacity of your one-week-old baby. Wait, my dad or me?

I don't know if they grow up so fast. But it was the best line of the whole trip. It was so good. Brett comes out in the morning and he goes, oh, you should have seen it, Mum and Dad. I made friends with this homeless man, right? I was talking to him. And then I was walking down the Perth main street

and he comes up and he hugs me. And I'm like, oh, yuck, a homeless man hugging me. It's dark. Yeah, yeah. And then Brett's dad goes, well, you go out looking like that, who do you think is going to hug you, Brett? And he goes, blondes? You think blondes are going to hug you?

The opposite of homeless men. Blonde women. Blonde Swedish ladies are going to hug you? The opposite of homeless men. Blonde women. Blonde Swedish ladies are going to hug you? No. Homeless men who have got meth problems. It was so good. The polar opposite. Oh, man, get him in.

We've got to call up Brettie's dad for next time he's on the pod. It was the best roasting idea. They love when a mate's coming over. They're like, here's a scrapbook of when Brett's a fuckhead. They just go through like everything. You're like, great. Oh, my God. Yeah, so I got let in.

I just sit out there and I was just messaging people and whatever going, fuck, what do I do? Putting a few updates, putting a few, like getting on the Instagram account, putting out a few, hey, did you hear this week's episode? And then the doctor's coming out going, oh, you got to come in now. It's like, oh, fuck, all right. And you go in and it's like everything's set up and it's like you sit there and go, okay, you've got to hold your wife's hand.

Does she have drugs and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit different from a hut in Thailand where you saw your other kids getting born. Was that the first time you ever held a hand? Just Chandu in the waiting room on the laptop and the doctor coming out, okay, Mr Chandler, we're ready for you to come in and see the birth

of your child. And you're like, just one second, you stupid cunt. What do you think you're... He's just live streaming a Liverpool game over a head. Watching a Thailand webcam. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Just wait for the storm to pass and then I'll come in. The morning of the birth we were in

the room and the midwife come in and starts explaining what's going to happen later in the day and I had the laptop on and I had it semi-closed because there was a live Liverpool match on that we had to get a result out of. And she's going to me, are you getting all this? And I'm like, yep, one all.

I mean, yes. Oh man, you are unreal. And you didn't even do any of those classes at Cody Boy or anything. He didn't buy me anything. He offered to buy me stuff. But having said that, I think he went public. We went private. And we got given that information.

Oh. He went public and you went, it's a class war. I went business. You went business. You went business. You went business. You went business. You went business. Yeah. We were kings on the ground.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was trying to work out a, oh, that's too rude. Yes. Yeah, I had one as well. I was doing the same thing. Yeah, the C word's already in there. We can loop back around and do it again.

I've got a fetus in the air, but it's progressed from a fetus. Yeah, yeah. So we're in there. I'm do it again. I've got a fetus in the air, but it's progressed from a fetus. So we're in there. I'm holding her and I'm giving my wife support, all that sort of stuff. And then as soon as I get in there, it's like, and then they just turn around to me and go, anyway, your child will come out in two minutes. I'm like, what the fuck?

I just got in here. What is this, dominoes? No, but honestly, I was like, ding. She's done. The baby tracker app Yeah I was like Do I see it like Turn right and then come up

Or what Two minutes and five seconds I want my money back For this maternity suite God Yeah get a garlic bread with it Sick Right so they

Well yeah It's surprising to hear That they would just Know that But I mean of course They're doing this all day It's like they're doing this all day. It's like they're trained medical professionals.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the cool thing because you're dealing with these guys and, you know, we're getting frightened or emotional or whatever it is and they're going, eh, yeah. This is the old – This is the seventh one today. Yeah, this is the Tuesday 10 p.m. one. Yeah.

Let's get cleaned up and do the 11 p.m. one or whatever. So do you think this will give you emotions? Did you cry? The game, that is. I didn't cry. You didn't cry? But it was very emotional. It was great.

When was the last time you cried? Man, I cry all the time. Oh, what a wimp. Got him. Damn. I went too far the other way. But if you cry all the time, but then not... What was the last thing that set you off?

I'm bad with movies. Okay. Because I was because i was gonna say like not crying during your child i cried re-watching ratatouille the other day well and i've seen it like i know i knew what was coming and it's still a franchise like that movie up oh my yeah yeah no no totally but those things are designed for that to happen so it's like yeah yeah and, yeah, yeah. And look, I was conscious of it. I didn't cry, but I felt it and went, oh, this is as close as I'm going to get. Like, this is pretty full on. So if there'd been like a string quartet and the music could get swelling, like real Pixar style, like just a little something, a bit of presentation to get you over the line.

And the ghost of my granddad had a float at a bar for me and gone, you've done me proud. Just need a little bit more punch up. A little bit more punch up with the moment. Wasn't testing. Didn't test well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone gave you a phone call and said,

only 20 pre-booked for basement on Saturday. You're like, fuck! This kid's not going to be able to eat. Yeah. Oh, man. Well, you wait for this bit. This kid's not going to be able to eat Yeah Oh man Well you wait For this bit So This is what happens in the

Oh no Yeah This is such a beautiful story I know We're just shitting on it So It goes like two minutes away I'm like oh wow

And then All of a sudden They go Right Bang And just pull out this baby And it's like What the fuck It goes like two minutes away I'm like oh wow And then all of a sudden They go Right Bang And just pull out this baby And it's like What the fuck

And you're like You know watching it going Fuck this is This is real Which end were you at Were you Oh The top end

Good Yeah I don't know how to Phrase that better No no no Were you at the Both of you I love both of you

Which end The top end Went to Darwin for it Were you at the... Both of you. I love both of you. Which end? The top. Went to Darwin for it. See you in the NT. Very nice. Anyway, that's my wife you're talking about. But whatever.

So, they pull out the baby and it's like, fuck, like full on. Because, you know, you see stuff like that on on TV But to see it Real life Is like something You know next level And it's also like You know Covered in Goo and whatever So it's all

What did you expect It was coming out No well There's no There's no expectations Yeah yeah It would freak me out Yeah yeah yeah

And apparently they're like Babies They're sometimes a bit blue When they come out Yeah it was like It was It was covered in All this stuff and whatever.

Gunk. Yeah, gunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Dr. Ramsey. Dr. Ramsey. Dr. Ramsey. What the fuck? What 1970s references is?

No, that's from the show. That would have been an incredible prank that I sneak into the hospital and then it's like in the delivery room and it's like the guy's there and it's just like mask on and then it's like you're there, like so emotional and I just like in the delivery room. And it's like the guy's there and it's just like mask on. And then it's like you're there like so emotional. And I just like pull down the mask. I'm like, it's me. Dude.

Hi, mate. I don't know what I'm doing. Look at that gunk. So they pull the baby out. Get back up to the top end. And I'm going, oh, wow. And then one of the midwiveswives one of the nurses is like oh you're gonna get a photo or what and i'm like sitting there going oh i don't know what the

fucking rules are in here like yeah you're in no flash you're fine yeah yeah you're supposed to be in this sterilized stuff i've got all the all the gear on i got the the cap on and the the gown on and everything like that and i'm thinking is that a good thing to be pulling out your phone like this and they're like no no you should be getting a photo or whatever. It's not the robot restaurant. Snap away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's not Beyonce, so go for it.

Yeah, they get those bags in the lockers out of the phone. Yeah, yeah. Just be in the moment, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they go, yeah, why aren't you doing that? And like who I find out later on, this midwife, it's like, it's her first baby. So I don't think that's official, this midwife, it's like, it's her first baby. So I don't think that's official advice.

I think she was just like, this is her first gig. And she's like, oh, I'd be fucking taking a photo if I was you. Why don't you get it out? And I'm like, oh, okay. All of a sudden the pressure's on. So I'm like, all right. And like they've literally pulled the baby out. They've brought it over.

The hand motion you did just then. Like you're hanging it or you're grabbing it by the neck? That was like that. Is that not me? It's not me. Yeah.'re hanging it Or you're grabbing it by the neck That was like that Is that something From the feet It's not me yeah Alright so they're holding it by the feet Well I don't know

It's a little bit of a Act it out You're really good at improv aren't you Yeah yeah yeah Yes and So they pull it out And then I've So I get my phone out

Going okay well I better get A picture And so they pull it out And go okay well we'll put it On the scales now And so they put the baby on the scales and then I just go over and go, okay, get my phone out

and just do a selfie of me. Oh my God. You got a selfie? Yeah. Because she's put the word on me that like, why aren't you getting photos? So I take a selfie of me with the baby on the scales and then I turn around.

Hashtag dad life. And two doctors go i've never seen that happen in my life rad dad immediately straight into it it took seconds and they turned to the next guy and i'm like really but you told me to get the phone out like isn't that what happens and then the other the other one goes not never happened before wow that's never happened before because you know what they want you to do? They do the thing like at SeaWorld where then you go out of the birthing suite and they've got the photos all up on the screen.

Like a roller coaster. Yeah, and you pay $30 for it in a little cardboard, like that Indiana Jones ride thing I've got on my fridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. But here's the thing. So they're sort of like looking at me going, you are a cunt. Like, this is weird. I reckon they were looking like that at you before you did that.

Anyway. What are you doing in the selfie? Are you throwing a cunt. Like, this is weird. I reckon they were looking like that at you before you did that. Anyway. What are you doing in the selfie? Are you throwing a shaka? Yeah. So they're going, that is, they're looking at me like I'm the weirder. I'm like, fuck, I thought you wanted me to do this. Did you have a filter on? No.

The puppy dog? Look at puppy dog ears. Panda eyes. Look at a funny mustache on the kid. But this is not going, none of these, I've taken all these pictures, none of them are going online. None of them, they're just for us. So it's not like I'm uploading to Instagram or anything like that.

So afterwards, when I'm thinking about it, I'm going, fuck, why were they caning me so hard for that? That's pretty fucked. So I go back and look at the picture. So the picture is me with the baby on the scales. But the thing is, the scales, when I'm taking the picture, we're not at the top end. All you see in the picture is me and my baby with its legs absolutely spread. It's just me and a gaping area of the anatomy and that's it.

You're just... So I've got the picture ready for the 18th birthday slideshow party. Oh, man. I'll delete that off your phone because if you go through an airport with that shit, you're fucked. Before I heard that detail, I was like, we've got to see it. No, you're not saying it.

It wasn't the whole baby. It was just the downwards yeah. No, no, no. It wasn't the whole baby. It was just the downwards part. Yes, the bottom half. Dude. That is. You're not seeing the top end. You're not seeing Darwin.

You're not seeing Alice Springs. You're seeing Launceston. Also, that just proves. You're seeing Hobart at best. How much of an old man you are. You're doing a selfie, but you don't know how to do it. You know what I mean? It's a selfie. You can see what you at best How much of an old man you are You still can't You're doing a selfie But you don't know how to do it You know what I mean It's a selfie

You can see what you're taking a photo of I was in an operating theater The pressure was on I didn't think I had fucking an hour To take the picture I nearly thought The kid was going blue Yeah this hasn't changed him at all

I nearly thought you were going to say Because the kid was on a scale You like fat shamed it or something Or something I thought you were going to go down that path No no no, no. I just cut the cord, so that was weird enough. I had the scissors and they were like, yeah, just cut your fucking,

just cut your daughter. Cut this thing off your daughter. I'm like, okay, okay. And their line always is, it's like calamari. You know, it's like calamari. I'm like, I don't eat calamari. I don't know what it fucking feels like. I'm eating calamari again.

Yeah, yeah. Calamari's overrated anyway. Nah, a bit of nice salt on this. Probably, yeah, don't say that. Have you showed your partner? No. The photo? No.

This is like, this is what I did? No. Oh, I can't wait to see her next. Because she doesn't remember that because she was out of her mind on drugs. So she doesn't remember that that's what happened. What did they give her? Anything good? I don't know.

This guy called Dr. Fleet came in and said, 20 bucks, 20 bucks for this. What does 20 bucks get you? Wow, taking a photo of that area, childbirth really hasn't changed you at all. Still the same old Carl that he was before he had a kid. Just one around getting covert photos. My baby's first upskirting

yeah did you take it with the camera that's built into your shoe yeah yeah no wonder he couldn't see the shoe mirror was off fuck that is

unreal I know that's so fuck it so they could see I think one of the first things I said to you when I told you about it was like

by the way I've got a story you said I've got yeah no you said I gave birth to content yeah oh come on so the doctors in there could see they could see on the screen You said I gave birth to content.

So the doctors in there could see, they could see on the screen, or they could just see the general how horrific it was to be getting a photo. Now, even on your daughter's first day of school, you won't be able to take her there because you're banned from that photo. You know what I mean? Yeah, I've got to be about 150 metres away from here. So, yeah, have a good one, love. Bye. Just throwing a sandwich one, love. Bye.

Just throwing a sandwich as hard as I can. You forgot your hat. That was what I was most excited about, taking nude photos of a child without getting arrested. Oh, Jesus. Anyway, so a good experience. Do you want to say the name? We named her after her mum. Save it open, Michael.

Her mum. Don't say her name, Junior. I don't know. Don't see. I don't know about doing the name. It is a nice name, but I just don't know about that info being out there. Yeah, yeah. Do we drop hints?

No, no, don't put that. Because the fans will look her up. On the first day of school, there'll be like a parade of going, fuck you, Kurt. See you, mate. But I will say for having talked a lot in the last couple of months about what you were thinking of naming it and the discussions about naming it, it's going to make your life a lot easier

if you just say it because you're just going to be bombarded with – now that you've put the idea out there, right you'll get so many messages and stuff okay oh no now you're thinking of you because you're like you said you're going to get hassled just tell us your fucking name that's very true tell us her name um by the way i messaged him i was like i just sent this photo of himself with his lovely daughter and i was like oh what's her name and then he just wrote fuck off comedy or something like that. I was like, man, can we not have a nice moment once every now and then? You know what I mean?

Comedina. Yeah. You're right, though. I am thinking about it. Oh, no. I remember what you wrote. Yeah, it's about our comedian we like roasting. Comedina.

Yeah, that's right. Because I will get big. So you told me about it and you've been very clear about like you're someone that doesn't want to uh broadcast this sort of stuff and you've said that often in the context of talking into a microphone to thousands of people yeah but you don't want to put it on social media you and you said to me like you know yeah you're you don't you obviously it's your thing you you're in control of like you know who you tell and when you tell and everything yeah and so you told me I didn't know if you, like,

who you were going to tell, when you were going to tell. And then the little sticky beaks that listen to this show, the little bloody amateur detectives. I'm at Gids that week. I've been sworn to secrecy and I'm just getting bailed up left, right and centre, being harassed and asked if I know what's going on. I can guess straight away who it was. I felt like I was the holder of state secrets.

I felt like I was walking around with the missile codes in a briefcase. And I'm like playing dumb. I'm like, look, even if I did know, you have to understand that if I tell you against the great man's wishes, my life will not be worth living. Why would you put me in this position of asking me? And I'm a bad liar. I do not have a poker face at all.

At one point I literally just was pretending I couldn't hear people. I was like, what? It's really loud in here. And they're like, we're the only two people in here. Are you just running off screaming? I think I hear my mum calling. I better go. We're in a library.

What are you talking about? Yeah. Shh, keep it down. What if you said, oh, Carl found out it wasn't his? Or something really good? He came out of a different race and don't say anything. Yeah, definitely not. But I will say Usain Chandler is very healthy.

Let's just say the kid's going to be fast. What a great narrative. Your wife cheated on you with Usain Bolt. What a great arc for this show. Usain Jr. isn't really a girl's name. He wasn't even a guest on the podcast. But no, up to you. But yeah, I know just from the experience of this week

that yeah, it's going to be... There's no amateur detectives. Let's let it stew for a while on this episode. I'll think about it by the end. Okay, sure. So, great experience in the hospital and everything. The whole thing was great. Everyone was absolutely lovely.

Besides the doctor's death staring at you. Yeah, but that's fair enough. Like, I don't mind that. But all the midwives and everything were excellent and all that stuff. You know what? Fuck the food. Real good. But that's fair enough. I don't mind that. But all the midwives and everything were excellent and all that stuff. You know what? Fuck. The food, real good. I think I've heard more about this from you than any details relating to the actual trial.

This is classic, Chan. I recommend it. The food was great. Guys, you really got to procreate, guys. You got to get in there. It's a good feed. It's good. Hey, I'm trying.

I will say this. I think we talked about it on the show very briefly, but the hospital that you were in was like the street next to my house. So it was very funny. As you were messaging me. Yeah. As you were messaging. Yes. My house that we're in.

Yes. It strikes me at wee times. As you were messaging me about what was going on, which first of all is very interesting to like there's all these kind of parts of that process that I guess you don't know about unless you're quite close to someone who's like stuff that people don't really talk about. Yeah. So you and I were chatting a bit and you were like messaging me like all these.

I also like how we picked these two guests for this announcement, like the real comedy midwives here. We know about this. I'm still thinking of fetus in the air. That's what I've been picturing, just a small fetus driving a plane. I'm still thinking about it coming out of the garlic bread. But yeah, just you messaging me like bits of the process and what it's like in the aftermath and those few days afterwards,

which no one really talks about. But something about it I just found so funny that I'm like, I could basically see through the window of where you are from my balcony. It's very strange. It's pretty close. It was great food So get in there Free Wi-Fi? Oh

It was Struggled a bit Brady What we're going to do is Brady and I are going to go in there Yeah And dress him up In drag

With a pillow underneath his stomach Yeah Totally Quick Quick Totally What happened was Because they go

Give us seven meals Yeah You know what they were doing So So my wife was getting There'd be someone would come in with a menu, like with a proper, it actually looked a bit like a Thailand menu, which I was quite into. Jesus Christ.

Just a laminated. So get laminated with pitches. Yeah, yeah. I love two Changs. Thanks, Chang. Oh, she's not drinking. Yeah, totally. So they'd come in with the menu and go, what do you want?

You get an entree, a main and a dessert. Lardy, dad. But I didn't get anything. That's just a restaurant, Brett. Yeah. Well, you didn't have to go up to a bench and order. This is crazy. Well, you didn't even have to drive through.

It was. So tell me again, it wasn't a caravan you were getting it out of? Okay. Were you? Well Well I did it In a food truck last night They didn't throw it at you That's crazy So

It was on that time You took me to that fancy restaurant I was like I am fucking out of place here Yeah So She got an entree Main dessert

And then I was like Oh cool what do I get And they're like nothing So then it very quickly Turned into You're not that hungry Are you tonight Nah

Alright well I'll have yours And so we were like She hey, it was her call. She wasn't that hungry. I feel like he did bully her a little bit. Oh, you're not hungry, are you? She wasn't that hungry. Are you going to finish that? And he's pointing at the placenta.

I'll have the main, you have the entree. Fatty. I think you've had enough Yeah For the last nine months Yeah yeah She did Do a bit of a Dilruch Jai singer She lost

About four kilos Very quickly the other day So it was good But she Just these These fad diets Yeah yeah Only she

Like unlike Dil She just doesn't look like A different fat person Yeah You can notice the difference. So they keep coming around with each meal by going, okay, entree, main dessert. And so even when I wasn't there, my wife would be like, oh, I kept ordering stuff for me. Because she's like, oh, well, I know he'll want it.

So then by the end of it, like, and I'd go out and do some jobs and come back. By the end, I'm like, well, save them. Save those meals. We had a fridge full of all these meals in the end. Fucking hell. All these pastas and rices and desserts and whatever. You turned this suite into a fucking share house. Yeah.

And then the best part is after the birth, Chando would go back to the room, just whack on another Liverpool game and just start showering down. You're like, no, you've got to leave. I've got seven meals left. Yeah. Coming in blind at 2am and putting a bit of leftover pizza in the microwave. Yeah. And they had a microwave too, which I you've got to leave. I've got seven meals left. Yeah. Coming in blind at 2 a.m. and putting a bit of leftover pizza in the microwave. Yeah.

And they had a microwave too, which I wasn't used to. So I was like, bang. You should have brought in all your frozen meals from home. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I didn't need to. I was getting free stuff in there. It was like a share house fridge,

but I didn't have to write my name on any of it. It was all mine. It was fucking great. She was walking out with, like with the big tummy under a shirt and Carl's just got meals under his shirt. You don't have to steal them. You paid for them. Hang on.

Your wife lost five or six kilos, but you've put on five or six kilos by being in hospital? She's like, should we have more kids after this? And beforehand you're like, I don't know. I think one might do it. And then you go in there and have that experience with the food. You're like, let's keep churning them out as regularly as we can. Let me know when you're ready for me to know I think one might do it and then you go in there and have that experience with the food you're like let's keep churning them out as regularly as we can

let me know when you're ready for me to get back on the pony baby just trying to conceive in the fucking what do you think about a second kid I'm not hungry at the moment

you're in like a bar yeah I could go tight I could eat you'd be the only person ever to go like one of your mates is going man so what's it like

and you're like the food was great. You just see him at the front throwing himself in front of a car just because he wants to get a sick meal. Take me back to that hospital. Look, she's gone into labour. I'm driving her to the hospital. Any advice?

Get the risotto. Absolutely top notch. What did you think about the care? Compliments to the chef. What did you think about the hospital? Well, read what I said about it on Yelp. Yeah, fuck. Can I get Uber Eats from that hospital you were in delivered to my house?

I recommend it. I honestly recommend it. The risotto was really good. You love the risotto. I do. I love risotto. It's one of my favourite foods. Risotto's a wild thing for a hotel to make.

Sorry, a hospital to make. A hotel. What are you making like it's a hotel? A baby hotel. It's got a bed. It's got a restaurant. It's obviously a hotel. It's got a microwave. It's pretty was a hotel. A baby hotel. It's got a bed. It's got a restaurant. It's obviously a hotel.

It's got a microwave. It's pretty much a hotel. Yeah. It's a hotel for sick people. Talk me through the risotto. What was in it? Mushroom. Oh, I love a mushy risotto.

Yeah. Lots of cheese. Yeah. Way too much cheese for hospital food. Yeah. I felt like they really- Wanted you to stay? Yeah. Yeah.

They were really- Oh, fuck. My heart's gone. They were making sure the food was really good, which I felt like they really- Wanted you to stay? Yeah. They were really- Oh, fuck, my heart's gone. They were making sure the food was really good, which I was like, are you allowed to- Dietary-wise, is this allowable, this food? Interesting. It was so good. I don't really like mushroom,

but risotto's the one thing that I like mushroom in. Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, we love this guy. There's no way he can possibly fuck this up. He can take a photo of your daughters from the way he's standing like nah

he's gotta go it's just from now on it's like a it's like a horror movie like a cursed image appearing it's like every time Chandler tries to

take a selfie just that angle of his daughter is always somehow accidentally in the background I like it every staff party it is literally

the first photo of my daughter fuck I love it every staff party like remember that fucking dickhead who took a photo of my daughter. Fuck. I love it every staff party. Like, remember that fucking dickhead who took a photo of his daughters anyway? Yeah. One thing that killed me about the food, though, was the first day it came out,

when they bring out the menus, and I'm like, I fucking just love a menu in general. It's so good. Just unlimited possibilities of what you could possibly eat. It's so fucking good. Yeah. Hang on. Blakey's having a little delivery of his own right now. He's having his third birthday beer of the morning.

Two grannies. Yeah. And they had on the menu, I was like, this is going to be such a great experience. They had chocolate coconut mousse on the menu. Oh, love that. I was like, this is the fucking best. And then they come around and I order that and they go, no, we've run out of that. I'm like, this is a bad omen.

I don't know about this. I don't know how the baby's going to go now. Like, all right, put the baby back in. We've got to extend this stay a little bit so we can get that chalky coconut mousse. We'll come back when it's back on the menu.

Is it like a different menu for every day of the week? I think they updated it like once a week. So I think we caught that on the last day and they go, no, we've, you know, it's like being on the plane

and it's like, I'll have the pasta now. We run out of the pasta. You guys will realise we've talked about the food more than the last day and they go, no. It's like being on the plane and it's like, I love the pasta. No, we run out of the pasta. You guys will realise we've talked about the food more than the baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I literally can't think of anything more on brand. Like I let him get away with not saying the name and then I'm like, what was in the risotto?

Yeah, whatever her name is. But anyway, the risotto was sick. Also, they had Netflix in the room as well. What? They had Netflix? I mean, as they should. In 2019 Netflix? I mean, as they should. In 2019, I would say, as they should. You know, we did a gig the other day in Frankston at this pub,

and I obviously hadn't put a gig on before. Really looking forward to the connection between these two stories. There is a big connection, okay? Let's hear it, Rain Man. That is comedians. Put this one together. Comedians always love, like, a free feed. And, you know, when we rocked into this gig and they just had the best spread ever

of food, drinks, everything, right? Best spread. Oh, Chandler's probably in there taking a selfie. Anyway, thanks for joining us this week, guys. And it's just your typical thing like, oh, these guys have never had comedians in their venue before because we just decimated the whole thing, you know what I mean? Decimated.

And it's so funny. You guys got a doggy bag? Yeah, yeah, because that's the first thing you go, oh, free meal, sick. Like they could lower the rate, but they're like free meal. And that's just what you're into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what like Chando's with the baby. She's just like, oh, free meal, that's just what you're into yeah yeah like so that's what like chando's with the baby just like oh free meal sick you know no matter how well you're doing in comedy if you get

a free meal you're like oh this is the best and i've been trying to eat good but like it got there there was the first time there was like it started to build up i'm like well sorry i'm gonna have to eat the risotto and the lasagna yeah yeah yeah oh god heaven yeah exactly lasagna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, heaven. Yeah, exactly. Lasagna as well. Yeah. Let's go for lasagna. I love a lasagna. They had steak in there. I was like, what? How do you order? Can we go for lunch after this, by the way?

I'm hungry. Yeah, totally. I'm getting fired up. Can we go to Tuzza? Indians? Yeah, I don't know. They don't open for lunch. And we'll go to the restaurant.

Nah, no, no, no. Anyway, Kappa, stop diverting this beautiful story with stuff that no one cares about. So, Carl, what did you watch on Netflix? Yeah, yeah. Are you going to the hospital? We'll go up here and eat at the hospital. We'll bring Capra in and go, well, smell him. There's got to be something wrong with him.

Can we go in? Get me to read something. They're like, oh, he's fucked. The disinfectant in here is trying to kill itself. We'll just say Tommy's had cancer. I didn't get it. Can we use his frequent flyer points? Yeah.

We didn't have Netflix back in my day, so can I cash in now? We have a man clearly in his 90s and another man who's clearly had cancer. And this guy needs to go in a padded cell. That's what's great about this group of four is that there's probable cause for all of us to be in there. We're not the Avengers. We're the fucking, I don't know. I'm going to say that word again.

That word again. It starts with an R. It's almost like you really want to say it. We're really rooted. The rooters. We're really rooted. The rooters. The root of it.

So we got out of there and everything was good. We were in there for a week and we're now back home, which is great to come home. So you were staying at home the last couple of days, the last couple of nights that your wife was in there. And you had your last night of, I guess, like being at home by yourself before you had to get up very early to go and pick your wife up.

And you chose to spend that by, we did a podcast very late at night, and then you sat on my balcony talking shit until about 3 a.m. when you had to be back at the hospital at 7. Which was bad enough. And then I went home and went, oh, Liverpool's playing, and then watched that. So then somehow my wife came back home less tired than I was. Man, I was enjoying hanging out, but I was just sitting there going,

while we were on the balcony, going, this guy's out of his fucking mind. He's been on a rampage the last two months. I've never got more like, Blakey, what are you doing? And you know I'm out, and you know I love a beer. So I'm like, yeah, baby, let's hit. I'm like, should we be like, look, if Brett Blake is turning to you, you're going like, man, I think you should be at home. You should really fucking look at your life.

Yeah, fair enough, fair enough. So you've been back for the last, you've been back at home. You should really fucking look at your life. Yeah, fair enough. So you've been back for the last, you've been back at home for the last couple of days? A couple of nights, yeah. So it's been great. It's been great. I've got a great relationship with my child. It's going really well. Is the cat freaked out?

Cat is absolutely intrigued. Off, like fascinated, Like wants to see it Yes Just doing laps Just going What's going on What's going on And we've got like this tent

We bought So I've talked on this about The cat waking us up At 3, 4am every morning That's fucking annoying So we found this tent online This little tent thing And went

Oh we'll get one of them We order it We get it home It is 6 foot to 7 foot long It's so big It's taking up Most of the lounge room But

We're like Alright we'll lock it In that every night So it's now Got in the habit It's not real happy About it But it's locked

In this fucking tent The cat's got a tent Yeah Compulsory camping Yeah yeah Totally You know you don't Like to go outside

Well it's like What it's on the outside But also inside It's like But it's Every morning I get up and let it out And it's like fucking

It's like detainees On Christmas Island Or get up and let it out, and it's like fucking... It's like detainees on Christmas Island or something. I reckon that's why he bought it. Little Carl's brain is like, oh, it's kind of like Auschwitz. Yeah. The cat has absolutely totaled the fucking tent. Get in the shower, cat.

Anyway. The cat has... Fucking hell. The cat has totaled the tent every morning. Like, I put all this stuff in there, and everything's fucking flipped. Yeah, it's hating it. Yeah. It's got to some point in the night and just gone, fuck And everything's fucking flipped Yeah it's hating it Yeah

It's got to some point in the night And just gone fuck I don't know how It's got a You know cats love cardboard boxes There's a cardboard box in it Like fucking about Three four foot long

It just flipped it every night Just I don't know how It's fucking picked up a box that big And just turned it upside down But it does I love it how you just go on Cats love cardboard boxes They do

Yeah they do They love enclosed spaces. You just give them that, that's it. You're like, it's got a cardboard box. I don't know what else. It's like locked in a tent as well. It's not private hospital. I'm not going to give Netflix some fucking three dinners.

Yeah. So, look, it's intrigue. So, it's missing out on some of the attention. It's not that happy. So, it knows something's up. That cat's not very affectionate as well. No, you're right So it knows something's up. That cat's not very affectionate as well. No, you're right. No, you're right.

That breed's not very affectionate. That's kind of like good psychology, you know. Lock it in a tent. Now it'll see that I'm nice. Yeah, release it. Who's a good boy? Oh, man, my owner sucked. But compared to the tent, I love him.

If I leave it out, it's going to sit on my baby's head. And I think that's a bad thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. Because that's what it does to us. So, of course, it's going to sit on my baby's head, and I think that's a bad thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. Because that's what it does to us. So, of course, it's going to do it to them. So, anyway. But we get home.

So, it's my child's first day at home, getting used to the surrounds and everything like that. All the merch. Yes. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, here's your room and 50 shit extra large shirts. Yeah, and if you could start getting those hands working and stuff some of these in the envelopes, that'd be great.

It'd be really helpful. So have you roasted her yet? No. She's beautiful. They're on no speaking terms. She is beautiful. I should treat everyone else a bit more like I treat this child. So we get home first day.

Carl just said something positive. I am in shock. I know. This baby's a good thing. Man, come around to my joint, whack a nappy on, and see what you cop off me. It's going to be pretty good. A big old boner.

I already did, and that was a very aggressive situation. Spread your legs. Spread your legs. With Gavin's gaming arsehole. I think baby Bogan should make a comeback in the near future. Oh, yeah. So we get back first day at home. Everyone's getting used to everything.

We all have a good sleep. We're figuring out how it all works and whatever. Someone else's, my's My wife's parents Relatives have come around To set up the Most of the gear Oh yeah you talked about this What?

You let another Yes Man in your house To do Yes Okay Is this just like the time That you two fucking idiots

Didn't know how to fucking Didn't know how to jump start a car Yeah We didn't know any of that stuff Fuck We're in the arts mate Is what you do art now Because some would say

This is art I just farted in someone's face Whatever Food is good at the hospital Alright buy that cunts Alright Rembrandt Guilty of being the Picasso of the airwaves Whatever

So So first day at home We look like a Picasso. Our eyes are all fucked up and on the wrong side of our heads. So we have the baby in the bedroom. It sleeps with us in the same room. Now, bad timing. I go into the toilet.

I go to flush it. It's not flushing properly. Somehow I've blocked the toilet. Blame it on the kid. Yeah. This happens every now and then. I don't know how this could happen. I ate eight meals per day.

I knew that fucking risotto would get me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think you're stretched. My arsehole is very stretched. Sweetheart, I've been through a lot. Can you get up and get me a glass of milk? I can barely walk. Can I have a C-section for this lasagna?

My arse is like the Grand Canyon right now. Can I get a C-section to get it out? We just rebrand this as a parenting podcast And this is all it is One guy who's just had a kid Three guys who probably will never have kids Just weighing in on what childbirth is like Comparing it to doing a big shit

Imagine doing an 18 year old shit Imagine taking a big shit to the school Imagine having to explain to a shit The facts of life Imagine taking a big shit to the school form. Imagine having to explain to a shit the facts of life. Oh, my shit had a wet dream last night. Well, sit down, shitty. Dad, where did I come from? Well, when a man loves three mains and entrees very much. Yeah, when a man loves $10 Parma night at the local pub.

So, toilet gets blocked up. There's something wrong with their toilet. So, I don't know. Oh, man. I don't think the S-Bend's big enough or something. It's quite small. So, this happens a little bit. Oh, he's some endpoints back.

S-Bend, lovely. Here we go. Yeah, so. Couldn't assemble the cot, but he's weighing in on how plumbing works. Yeah, yeah. He's done some research. There's a set of keys in there as well. Blakey, do you write S-Bend around the wrong way?

Do you have the S in reverse? Well, technically, if you look at an S-Bend on a toilet, it is around the wrong way. Oh, very nice. It's on the side. Very nice. Thank you. Come at me with fucking hardware.

I'll fucking put you in the ground every time. Probably don't even know what a washer is, dickhead. You're right. So, it gets a bit blocked up. It's an ongoing thing. Every six months or so, something like that will happen. Got the plunger, fix all that. So, this happens.

I go, right, go do a bit of plunging. Oh, right, this is probably the worst this tour has ever been like this. So, I'm doing that, giving it a break, going out, coming back in, giving it another go. And I'm saying to all my wife, we've got two toilets. Just use the other one at the moment. Taking a selfie to show the plumber. Go back in.

I do it three times and I'm going crazy on it. I'm like, fuck. And it's so bad It is so You know like The water goes down And there's nothing but Like

When the water Is the water left completely Yeah the water's left completely So there's just sludge There's just like Heavy duty Brown Yeah yeah

Fucking You need to get a plumber And they've got all these little Yeah Metal things Sure Great idea now So anyway I go right I'll plunge it again No no no I'll just hit flush again You need to get a plumber in. They've got all these little metal things that shreds it. Sure. Great idea now.

So anyway, I go right. I'll plunge it again. No, no, no. All right. I'll just hit flush again, and then I'll come back again five minutes ago again. Come back in five minutes. The bathroom's absolutely underwater. No. Has flooded into the bedroom.

No. There is a river. Oh, this is your ensuite. Yeah. Oh, no. There is a river of shit. No, dude is your ensuite. Yeah. Oh, no. There is a river of shit. No, dude. Coming down.

And it's like, well, anyway, welcome, my baby daughter, to how life works in the fucking Chandler household. River of shit. This reminds me of my favourite place, Thailand. Yeah. Your wife starts getting her flashbacks of seeing your festival show. Worth it. This is a huge best river of shit.

Oh no. Just super brutal first day back and we're like trying to fix it and the baby's sitting there about six foot

away going oh this doesn't smell as good as the hospital probably. This is I would say it's probably

not as disinfected as the place I've come from. Oh my god. Fuck that is honestly heavy. Look the risotto's come from. Oh, my God. Fuck, that is honestly heavy. Look, the risotto's back. You can tell, the mushroom.

That happened to me once in a share house I lived in, but it was like out in the backyard. Like I think – did I – you would – yeah, I knew you at the time that this happened. Like our pipes got blocked up and it was like just a – Did you have a septic tank out there? I don't know what it was, but it was like went out into the backyard one day and just like water, shit, toilet, like all like blocked up from our plumbing.

Yeah. And like I think it was like there was a tree root growing into our pipes. Into the pipe, yeah. Yeah. We got a plumber out and he's like, I mean, I'll fix it now, but like this will just keep happening. Right. Me and my cousin were like, let's look at moving.

Yeah, yeah. I've done it three times on a cruise ship in like the same week and the guy who came to fix it just looked at me like, can you just be a better human? Yeah, yeah. The toilets are so tiny. And you've got to like triple flush while you're doing it. That's what I'm trying to say.

You've got small pipes. You've got to do your thing, flush, paper. Like it's a fucking system. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. I was trying to use a coat hanger to fix it myself. Oh, yeah, yeah. So we get a trying to use a coat hanger to fix it myself. Oh, yeah, yeah. So we get a plumber in. Everything has gone to literal shit.

So the plumber comes in and we're like, fucking hell. Plumber does fix it, but the whole place is underwater and we're just like trying to be as nice as we can about it. He's just fucking jumping through in his boots and just fucking walking through it and then walking through the house and walking back in and out and whatever again. Like, this is a fucking nightmare.

This is the absolute worst. How does a plumber that does this every day not know how to fucking not walk in shit and then walk in the rest of the house? But also, did you not clean it up beforehand? Is it still flooding? No, no, no. There's a tap there.

We turn off the water. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And we're trying to clean up but the plumber comes in. And all your carpet's fucked. But to be honest, what do you think a plumber sees every day?

Like, this is not shocking him. You know what I mean? He's like, this is actually a good one. I know. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's been a fucking nightmare. So with that, so between the adjustments of all that sort of stuff,

like so carrying a baby around, picking the baby up nonstop to hold it and put it down, pick it up, change it. You're bending over the change table. You're bending over the crib, doing all sorts of stuff. Then I'm cleaning up the bathroom, the river of fucking shit that is half of my house now. Then I picked up a heap of merch from Tommy the other day. I'm carrying all this stuff around.

All of a sudden, I start having spasms in my back and I'm like, fuck, this is... So yesterday, I could hardly move. You're like, oh, wow, back to the hospital. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Kali, hungy. Now're like, oh, wow, back to the hospital. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Kali, hangi.

Now that I've cleaned myself out, as there's evidence of on my bedroom floor. Yeah. I'm good to go again. The pipes are clear. Time for fork dinner. Man. So, last night. So, I saw all of you guys last night.

I came to Spleen, to comedy at Spleen. I get home and my back's really crook. So, I get back and my wife's like uh you know what you need and i'm not a big one for like if i'm crook take a tablet take a you know any take a pill do anything like that she's like you got to do this you got to put like this form of deep heat on your back like you're just struggling through it there's no need to struggle you've got this stuff it alleviates pain just do that and i'm like wow cool all right you know what i don't reckon i've ever used deep heat before i've never done done it. Never used that stuff.

So I whack it on my back in the kitchen. I'm like, yeah, that actually does feel good. And I'm going, yeah, that does. That's feeling really good. It's like being two or three minutes in and I'm sitting there as I'm relieving myself in the bathroom, having a wee. I'm going, that does feel good. As I'm holding my penis.

Hang on a minute. You know what? it has fucking distracted from the pain of my back because now i have an entirely new fucking pain to think about you have become tim the tool man taylor within 24 hours of getting your kid home your bathroom's flooded you got deep heat on your dick like you got some weird car looking over your fence well i'm wilson nah i reckon you're a pedo. There is no chance of my dick pulling a hamstring, that's for sure anyway.

Someone's standing behind you with a slide whistle and you look at the camera like... So you've got deep heat on your dick. I did that at a restaurant. I had these crazy... Wow, can't wait to hear this one. You've got deep heat on your dick at a restaurant. I hadn't finished, no. I was going to say, Carl, just quickly, in your case, probably shallow heat. Oh! That's a deep heat on your dick at a restaurant I hadn't finished no I was gonna say Carl just quickly in your case probably shallow heat oh

that's a deep heat burn anyway oh but I had chilli on my hands yes and then I went for a wee yeah

and I was like oh my feels interesting and then I was like oh this fucking is absolutely killing me and then I had to wash my dick in the sink

and this guy walked in I'm like it's exactly what you think this is I'm so sorry and he's absolutely killing me. And then I had to wash my dick in the sink, and this guy walked in. I'm like, it's exactly what you think this is. I'm so sorry. And he's like, what? I don't think that's exactly what he thought at all. What would he have thought? He's like, oh, man, chili on your dick. I love chili.

Suck on your dick. Allow me. Compliments to the chef. And you're like, this hasn't been a restaurant at all. It's just a place with a microwave. Yeah, I love to eat at Glory Hole. Well, should we get on to one last topic that we had about one of our guests? Yeah, you know what?

Well, let's talk about this first. This is a quick little brief one. Speaking of being at gigs and stuff like that, I was at a gig a couple of weeks ago. I was at my gig, the being at gigs And stuff like that I was at a gig A couple of weeks ago I was at my gig The Thursday Comedy Club And

8.30 At the European Media Cafe That's it Every Thursday night Yeah And Nick Capper was hosting I believe I think it was like

How many names did he fuck up In the order of that Yeah No I was just doing a Wasn't I just doing a spot I'm not sure It doesn't matter So you were there

We were hanging out after the gig And It had been a good night. And someone from the audience came up. We were hanging out on the balcony. Someone came up to me on the balcony and was like, oh, wow. The other's a cool gig. And I was like, yeah, nice one. Thanks for coming.

And she's like, yeah, I mean, that guy over there, Nick Capa, pretty cool to have Nick Capa here. I'm like, yeah, yeah real cool quite a coup and she's like yeah cause you know you know what he's off I'm like no what's he off

she goes you don't know he's off like the little dum dum club and I was like really tell me more she's like

yeah she goes have you not heard of it and I'm like never heard of it don't listen to podcasts I'm not a loser and she goes, have you not heard of it? And I'm like, never heard of it. Don't listen to podcasts. I'm not a loser.

And she goes, really? But, like, Luke McGregor's been on it and everything. And I'm like, nah, mate, don't have the time to listen to that sort of shit. That's so wild. Someone sitting next to me going, what the fuck is happening? That's the best. I was honestly hoping she said, yeah, he's off Access 31 doing reviews. No, no, no. It'd be funny if you go, I'm Carl Chandler, and she's like,

Carl Chandler would never be here drunk on a balcony. His wife's pregnant. Good one, idiot. I mean, I knew it was emotionless, but not this emotional. He's not a robot. So you didn't correct her. You just let it go. No, I think whoever I was with was just like, what are you talking about?

He hosts it. Right. And she's like, oh, right. Okay. Fuck, that's so funny. Pretty funny. That's great. But, yeah, speaking of that, there are, you know, a lot of the guests come on

and get quite a lot of fans and stuff like that. You guys have all had plenty of dum-dum listeners come to see your show. You guys just did Perth. Yeah, I reckon we had like, I probably had like 10 or 20 come out at different times. Yeah, it was good. The path comedy scene. Yeah. It was sick.

Yeah. It was really good. Yeah, it was a really good scene, everyone at the show. I had like, even when I was in Edinburgh, I reckon I had like 10. Yeah. Over the course of the month. It was sick. Yeah.

We, in Perth, we went crabbing with one of Bretty's mates. Yeah, mate's dad. Mate's dad. You were catching crabs. Yeah, catching crabs. In the Swan River. Went crabbing. Yeah, went crabbing.

Then we went fishing. Little joke of mine. Man, that's why you're getting recognised on balconies nationwide. Oh, my God. Nick Capper. The crabbing joke. Man, I didn't even see it coming on balconies nationwide. Oh, my God, Nick Capper. The crabbing joke. Man, I didn't even see it coming. I thought he was talking about fishing.

Turns out he had crabs. Misfortunate for him, but hilarious. But, yeah, he said one of the best things I ever heard. No, not him. No, Tony. Tony, he goes... He's a fucking loose guy. We were talking about something and he goes, do you know the best thing about fucking a man is?

I said, what, Tony? And he goes, you can grab his dick and pretend it's yours and it's gone all the way through. Oh, man. Pretend it's yours and it's gone all the way through. So you guys really did go crazy. I'm so relieved. Oh, man. I had no idea what was coming. I don't know if I was there for that,

but I just know he says the crookish shit all the time. And it was the best. And I remember thinking, yeah, that is why most men are going to pretend their dick's really, really big. And that would be uncomfortably big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your life would be a living hell.

It's very long. Yeah, it was a great bloke, but fuck that was hard. And sharp if it's like pierced all the way through. That's like, that's bad. I've known him for years and even that has surprised me. Lots of you guys, lots of listeners come out and see, support Friends of the Show, which is great of you. Feel free to come and see our podcast,

obviously happening very soon in Brisbane, Canberra, Melbourne, Koh Samui. London, the UK. Well, yeah, getting on to London. So we have put, we haven't even really talked about – We haven't talked about it on an app. It's been on sale. We haven't given times and where to go to buy stuff.

We just put it online during the week. So last episode we were like it's coming. Link will be coming soon. Thursday night we put it on sale. Sold out within 24 hours. That's sick. By then it was the weekend. So it took a couple of days to go back and forth to the venue and get a second one on sale.

Just to put on an extra show, see if we could do that at all. Yeah. Then immediately we finally got it on. It sold out within about six hours. What, the second show? The second show. Sold out already. Really?

The second one went on sale last night after we got home from Spleen. That's awesome. So like 1am Melbourne time or something, and then we woke up this morning, Tuesday morning Melbourne time. How many angry messages did you get about that one? Sold out again, which this is – Put on a third one, you coward. Insane. Insane.

Insane result. Super surprising. Thank you to everyone that did that. We honestly thought we would sell about fucking 20 tickets. So crazy for that to happen. So thank you very much. Look, I don't know whether we just leave it at two or what. Yeah, we've got a lot to think about.

But anyway, that'll be super fun to just do those shows. But someone brought up a very interesting request. Someone that bought a ticket went, hey, guys, looking forward to the London show. Any chance you bring in Kappa? Big fan and he probably needs the cash. I love this fan. Please write to me. I love this fan. Please write to me.

I'll do anything. I said, we'd love to bring him, but we can't spring all that cash just for him to stink up a plane. On brand? Yeah. How good's having mates? Yeah. Skunk force one.

So then he said. I'm roasting myself. This is terrible. Yeah, yeah. Leave something for us. So then he said, look, that This is terrible Yeah yeah Leave something for us So then he said Look that's fair enough It's your trip

But look I think we'd get a lot of traction If we did Let's start a GoFundMe For a private charter To get Nick Happer to London A private charter Wow

To be honest What's that like A hundred grand or something Jesus I love it that you guys Are in economy And then I was just Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah No maybe you're underneath with the dogs and cats and whatever in the cargo. We should date you. You guys thought premium economy was good. I was drinking with a poodle.

Which, you know, we're always up for a harebrained fucking crazy idea. So, if we put it, look, if we put it, if we put it GoFundMe, if we put it go fund me would you

would you go to london do it you coward what else you got going on well you can have a think about it yeah yeah are you interested in coming to london just so we can fly all the way around the world to have you on our podcast for the millionth time. Who else are you going to get from London? Nick Cabba about all your crowd in London going, who the fuck is this guy? Sorry, Billy Connolly, we don't have room. We've got this idiot from the country who smells. Yeah, I think Billy's better than this podcast anyway. What do they call Billy Connolly? The Big Yin?

The Big Yin and the Big Stink. Whoa, the creativity in that one. I love it how it didn't even rhyme. Yeah, look. The Big Yin, they also call you the fucking dickhead. I don't know, I've had enough wins on this ever. It's been fun. They can't all be winners.

It's been a good journey. But yeah, would you do it? If you were funded to go to London to do a podcast? Yeah, well, this is weird it must be my destiny because my friend was producing a podcast last year and he bought a ticket for me to go to london and i set up all the gigs and stuff and then you know he pulled out he thought oh it's not not a good idea to do this podcast it was a very crazy podcast and he's like yeah yeah it sounds like it he was gonna fly you to london it's almost like he's bad yeah yeah it sounds like it he was going to fly you to London

it's almost like he's bad at making decisions do you know what yeah do you know what you know something's harebrained when I tried to convince him not to do it

I was like you don't want to fly me to London surely you can find talent of my calibre yeah yeah in a more cultural city than Melbourne you know

yeah but yeah that would be crazy that would be crazy. That would be absolutely. Look, and we're not demanding this of the listeners because they can do what they want. This is just a very fucked idea, which we are fond of, but the idea of doing that would be fucking pretty funny.

I would, you know what, you could do that and just try and find the best way to get me there. So like if it had to be the cheapest ticket ever. Right. Like around the world, like 78 hours. Yeah. Like half of it's on a train. I got a train from Siberia.

There is no way you would make it. Four stops in, you know, Calcutta and then Hong Kong. Because at first I was like, what a bum. This is our thing. Like, you fucking scab. But then I thought about it more critically and I was like, no, how fun would it be having Kappa there? Yeah.

It would be fun. The idea that so many listeners think that that's funny to put five bucks in or whatever to send Kappa to London. Yeah. It is a very funny thing. Yeah. It'd be funny if you guys, if I got to headline a comedy show afterwards, we do a bonus comedy show or something, and you guys are my supports.

Yeah. And you guys come on and you guys are going to take off a robe. Robe. Yeah. Or if people from London were doing, because I'm sure this is the sort of thing If people from London Were doing Because I'm sure This is the sort of thing Where people from all around the world

And you know here And whatever Would think it's a funny idea And chip in or whatever To make that happen But particularly people That are at the gig You know you could promise them

Little bonuses You could give them Cappagrams You could give them A shower Yeah yeah You could have a shower With the capper

I mean before you got to the venue That is unique Let them fuck you in the ass So they can grab your dick And make it feel like Yeah Yeah, yeah. You can have a shower with the kappa. I mean, before you got to the venue. That is unique. Let them fuck you in the ass so they can grab your dick and make it feel like it. Now we're talking. That's what Tony would have wanted. That is towards the top tier, I would imagine. I must admit. 50 bucks minimum for that one.

I was hesitant about the shower thing, but now you got me. I wasn't really into going to London, but if we get to do that, sure. Let's go to London. No showers as long as it's a prison shower. How was London? Man, it was so good. I got to fuck this dude and made me feel like my dick was really big. Man, Big Ben was great.

Didn't see the clock, but I was gaping afterwards. Chando, get the selfie out. Thanks for the photos. That would be the most handbrake thing ever. That would be the most Handbrake thing ever That would be fucking weird Yeah You know That would be the London tour You know

That would be nuts Yeah Bloody hell So yes or no Yeah I'll do it Well if someone wants to Set it up and get it running

We'll set it up No no We'll get the interest Yeah let Kappa do it The computer would catch fire If one of the listeners Wants to set up a thing That gets them a lot of money, sure. Well, let's sort of leave it to the Facebook and stuff for a day or so

and just see would people have interest in chipping in? Right. We don't want to set it up and then it get $20 or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah, do that. Don't donate. I'm plotting you. It goes in debt and then I have to chip in for my own one

and no one wants me there anyway. I just come on to boo. If we get to 20 bucks, Kappa just has to go to Horsham. That's the deal. He just has to get on a meeting. It's a one-way ticket to fucking Frankston on the V line or whatever. Or I just troll you guys and I don't talk during the podcast. I just do it totally silently.

Yeah, well, guys, if you're listening and you'd be into chipping into an idea like this, yeah, let us know. We'll get a little thread going in the Facebook group and we'll work out what the interest would be. Just chipping in a little bit to make this thing happen. I mean, the government, you know, the Melbourne City Council might chip in

just to get Katharine out of here for a week or so. And to be honest, it will be the only holiday I've been on besides Koh Samui. And, yeah, thank you to everyone in London who's bought a ticket already. That's insane. That is incredible. A lot of people online have made the Adelaide jokes, us included, but we definitely have sold more tickets to this quicker than we ever have to a lot of cities. Anywhere.

We've never had a show that sold out in 24 hours. Yeah. So absolutely super crazily unexpected. Yeah. And really looking forward to that. I guess we'd better wrap this up for another week. Just because we've been fucking around so much and I haven't genuinely said it on the air yet. Congratulations, Carl. Thank you. Very

exciting. Yes, I will. And yeah, it was very nice talking to you during the week and hearing you be, congratulations, Carl. Thank you. Very exciting. Yes, I will. Yeah, it was very nice talking to you during the week and hearing you be, yeah, very, very, very sincere and very sweet about your new kid. It's awesome. It's very exciting. It is very nice. It's a very nice feeling where I feel like my wife has done a lot of the work

and then I'm – Yeah, I get that. Yeah, but it's very nice to do... Big call. But it's very nice to do you... That's 50-50. It was weird while I was watching Netflix and she was unclogging the toilet.

It's very nice... How's the lasagna going, sweetheart? It's very nice to do your bit and, you know, for her to do... Sweat it out, fatty. Your bit was literally rooting and that was it. Fucking hell. Let him finish. Yeah, no, but I mean now, you know, you get your bit where you get to and that's it Fucking hell Let him finish Yeah

No but I mean now You know you get your bit Where you get to That's why we're in this situation Anyway Calm baby down Have my time with her And everything like that

Oh that's great I finally get it I get what people talk about I think going into it You hear the bit where they go Oh everything's gonna change Mainly it's Ben Lomas Been scaring me for about five minutes

Yeah yeah yeah Oh it's fucked It's so fucked When are you gonna to have one? Because it's really fucked. You should have one. He always corners me. He's like, man, it's fucked.

You should do it. I'm like, you are not a good salesman. Yeah, totally, totally. So you hear all that negative stuff. We saw him last night and I said congratulations to him. I was like, you must be right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a big day for Ben.

I guess you don't really hear the positive side of it as much Or you don't quite understand it as much Until it happens I would agree You hear it a bit But I just go I can't see how that's true Yes

So I'm going into it just a little bit fearful Going oh okay here we go But then to get the positive side of it Is very lovely And couldn't be happier with it being a girl We had it in our head that it was going to be a girl And it's great Oh that's great Super awesome you did tell me yeah you haven't said this yet that you were like right before she went in yeah you were you were literally opening a baby name book and

looking through boys names we were going through no idea we're going through as we're waiting to go into the theater we were going through boys names in the in the baby naming book and just it was just my wife reading out name after name of people that I refused to book at my gigs and going, no, no, I can't do that. I will not call it Nick Kappa. No, there was a bunch of that sort of stuff. And I was like, fuck. So we went in going, no, no, we've got no agreeance on any male names at all.

So it was when they pulled out a girl they go have you got a name and we're like yep because we didn't have one for a boy and they go all right well congrats all right good yeah great yeah so i have been and i've been talking about this so we've got a name a middle name and i just keep saying i keep saying uh uh that her second middle name is samui and my wife just keeps going have we got to a point where you're just pushing it this hard? This is no longer, you're even trying. This is a joke. This is just serious now, isn't it?

I'm like, no, it's a joke. She's like, no, it's not, is it? I'm like, well, it's not if you don't think it is. I just can't quite get it across a line. No, of course not. It's nice. What's wrong with that? I want to call it comedy.

You're ruining your child's life. After it's dad's middle name. Okay, let's make a compromise. Kangaroo Samui. Great recipe. Mr. Crab. Mr. Crab. Now I'm back on board.

Mrs. Mr. Crab Chandler. Little Miss Crab Chandler. Hello, green bird. All right, Blakey, Kappa, thank you so much for joining us. You guys have more shows coming up at the festivals and whatnot? Yeah, I'm coming to Adelaide this week. So, yeah. Brutal.

Have you got dates? So, we're basically recording this as it comes out. So, you are like mid to late Feb or so in Adelaide? Yeah, yeah, I think it's like the 15th is the first show, and that's sold out. So sucked in, Dumb Dumb Club. Wow. Yeah, I've sold that out.

I rang everybody in Adelaide. Once you walk into a phone booth, technically you can't fit anyone else in. It's quite a weird new style of comedy show called One to One Comedy. I sit down with a friend in their room, a place that they choose, and I talk directly to them. And I don't ask for any money. And you show Nick Capper,

Nick Capper, Pig in the City. Pig in the City, yeah, yeah. So you're doing Adelaide, then you're off to Melbourne? Then I'm to Melbourne, and then to Sydney and Newcastle. Right.

But Sydney and Newcastle. And perhaps London. London. And perhaps London, yeah. Yeah, there I'll be doing a three-hour marathon. So the more money that goes in, the less chance I'll do stand-up. You're just literally doing a marathon. You're just going to run.

He weighs 10,000 pounds He's not going to do stand-up Brett Blake Wouldn't it be great If the Kappa GoFundMe Goes so well That then it's like People go

What other guests Can we bring over And by the end of it It's like Us coming over With 15 comedians That people like That have all been crowdfunded

Yeah That'd be sick I would love to have A pint of lager Yeah Blakey What have you got? Yeah, I've got Brett Blake's new show, Bergen Genius, which is Adelaide. Brett Blake?

Yeah, that's my name. The 2nd of March. Hang on, so it's Brett Blake's show. Yeah. I am Brett Blake. I only refer to myself as Brett Blake. Brett Blake's cool. Anyway, come to Brett Blake's show.

Brett Blake will be there. Saturday, the 2nd of March I start. Then for like eight nights. They'll get you a shit on Adelaide. That's in Adelaide. Yeah, Adelaide. They've got a new cool venue there. And then Melbourne.

Melbourne for the month. Okay, so who's in the show? Breplake. I wouldn't let you fucking open for the month. No one wants to hear about tractors or fucking kale for an hour. Kale? When did I talk about kale? You mean kale forever.

I'm an idiot. Way to wrap up the podcast. I told you, it strikes me weird. It's a word that begins with K. Also, Brett Blake, will you be making an appearance in a festival, upcoming festival perhaps as well, another festival? You're in Adelaide's festival. You're in Melbourne's festival.

You wouldn't happen to be in another. Yeah, I've invited myself again cunts whatever in southeast asia's biggest podcast all in the southeast asian crown yes the coast of the international podcast it's in it's in baby it's the three from three regular festival goer brett blake is performing once again i've invited myself the first time i mean after i think you negged me when I was drunk. I was like, I'll fucking go, dickhead. And then I bought a ticket. And then the second time, I was like, well, this will be fun. Well, that's what they did to me the first time.

Four days before. Kicking and screaming, we dragged these guys to an island paradise. Oh, man, it was awesome. And I had so much fun. Like, it was, man, it's so much. And I would honestly get FOMO if I wasn't there on the last one yeah so I was like I'm not

fucking missing out on that so I've moved some stuff I had nothing going on whatever and I moved absolutely nothing

but I booked it in so you're coming to Samui you're coming to Copenhagen it's going to be heaps of

stuff Copenhagen I'm pumped for that it's like my favourite island I fucking love that place me us three

are staying in the same resort in Copenhagen aren't we we're going to really make that guy who owns it all girl just regret their decision. Yeah, yeah.

Cannot wait to get in that pool and have some mad riffs. Some rotten stuff happening in the pool. Oh, man. Yeah. All right, guys. We've got to wrap it up for another week. Of course, as we've said, podcasts. We've got live podcasts coming up in Brisbane, Canberra, Melbourne,

and London, obviously. Yep. And Coastal Million International Podcast Festival. Guys, this is a great time to get on board and get your accommodation. If you've got any questions, feel free to hit us up directly, or me. This is the one thing I don't mind people hitting me up about. Man, it's my favourite thing in the world is just direct messaging you about anything. You're like, that's a good deal.

And then I was just mucking around with him. I was like, man, I've got this fucking flight deal for this price, which was crazy. And he flipped out. He's like, I've been on their website. That doesn I was like, man, I've got this fucking flight deal for this price, which was crazy. And he flipped out. He's like, I've been on their website. That doesn't even exist. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I was just maggot in a pub annoying him. I was like, man, I'm sorry.

We had a half-hour conversation, drunk conversation, about a flight centre deal that you reckon exists. I'm like, it fucking does not exist. I think I heard it, but I reckon it doesn't. And then he's like, you're a fucking idiot. I mean, that was besides the deal. Yeah. All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time See ya mates See ya mates And they've done it again You're right I can't deny it That was it And it wasn't for the first time

Can I make a request if you have another've got to get me in the delivery room just so I can let rip with a, oh, he's done it again. Just the explanation to the doctors. Why are you insisting this guy comes in? It's a bit. It's a funny bit. So. You might have questions, but trust me,

you'll be pissing yourself once he lets rip with this. We do a podcast, and the main bit of it, don't listen to that bit, but the bit after it. Yeah, the more popular bit. Yeah. But yeah, great ep that we just did. You are wincing because of the aforementioned injury. Yeah, I'm not loving it. But anyway, I don't trust myself with deep heat after the incident.

You're not taking painkillers or anything? No. I just figure it'll go. It'll go at some stage. Yeah. Had not a great night's sleep. Had the big introduction to what they warn you about. I had a great couple of days.

Oh, this is all awesome. This is no problem at all. I'm going to absolutely fucking just walk this, this whole fatherhood thing. You were sounding very confident to me when we've talked in the last couple of days. And I was thinking to myself, it feels like this guy might be jinxing himself.

Yeah. Really gave myself the magic touch. And then overnight just got absolutely fucked over. So, um, but that's okay. That's what happens. And I've,

I've recovered. Yeah. Yep. Go to a physio, though, if your back keeps. You can't fuck around with this stuff. I'm going to. This is what I'm going to do when I go home. I'm going to take over from my wife and look after my child. And I'm going to send her and pay for her to go to a masseuse.

Great. And then when she comes back, I'm going to go to the masseuse. Tag team masseuse. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I've got to give an update speaking on my recent physio visit where I got told that my bottom is too little. And that's why I've been having back problems.

And I got given all these exercises to do. Now, Carl, do you think I've done even one day worth of those exercises? Oh, Tommy. Since I got given them? Tommy, why would you do something like that? I'm bringing it up to, like I said, I want to have accountability. I've got to get my ass in order. I've got to get a big old fat old booty going on if I don't want to have back problems.

That's it. I've been looking at your sweet little hiney every day and I've been noting it down in my Vana exercise book about the size and I haven't noticed a big difference. You keep saying to me, not juicy enough for me, pal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if you're like this, but it's just the simpler something is to build into your day, the less likely you are to do it. It's like a series of exercises that would take me maybe five minutes to do,

but I just never think to do them because it's not part of the routine yet. I'm bad at building that sort of stuff into my life. My bad one at the moment is I'm going to the gym and that's all good and I get into a good habit of doing that. And the gym's quite a walk away, but I still do it. Yep. But I've said to myself, this is the year or this is the month where I'm going to start the sit-ups every day.

I'm just going to do sit-ups. At home before you go in. And that's the easiest thing to do. Yeah. You just get out of your bed. You can do it fucking in bed. You can do whatever. Yeah, yeah.

It's right there. You just need you wherever you are. And I have not done it. Absolutely not done it at all. I've got to fucking start it. You know what? I'm going to do mine now while we're doing this. Wow.

I'm going to do day one. Booty exercises while you're potting. So the first thing I have to do is I get down on the floor. I have to lie down. I've got to see this. I've got to see this. It's so embarrassing. I have to like – can you see what I'm doing? I have to like activate my glutes It's so embarrassing I have to like Can you see what I'm doing?

I have to like Activate my glutes Oh yeah yeah yeah I have to clench You're clenching your little honey I have to squeeze my little body Yeah That's turning on the glutes

Yep Right so do that for a bit And then I have to Then go onto the front Right Yep And then do Do the hip

Oh yeah yeah yeah So just and again Getting to the top And making sure that The little The little booty is activated When I getting to the top and making sure that uh the little the little booty is activated when i get to the top you got to do a bit of cowgirl business without the cowgirl first cowgirl yeah so then then now that thinking by that behind that is now the glutes are activated and then i just do i'm meant to have a band around the legs but then i just do

the squats yep and then that's building the booty up but it's making sure it's just making sure that the booty is activated before i do the squats now how easy is that to do and i'm still fucking it up and not doing it yeah but it's like anything like i kept getting i kept having a follow-up appointment with the physio and just cancelling it because i'm like well what's the point yeah going and i haven't done anything yet and then i just ended up going oh i'm really busy i'll get on to you when I get a time. And then the physio emailed me and went, is everything okay? Because you just sort of didn't come in again and we didn't hear anything from you. And I'm like too ashamed to go.

I can't handle the fucking exercise required of just squatting by myself in my living room. But look, that's wrong. But the right thing to do is what you're doing is why bother going in and paying good money to go, yeah, I didn't do it. Yeah. I didn't do it, just to be clear. But yeah, I just wanted to provide a check in there because I did.

I mentioned it on the show. Like I said, I want to have accountability. Feel free to start harassing me on social media, telling me to do my little squats. Feel free to body shame me as much as you want about my flat little hiney. IRL. Yeah. Point at his little non-existent tushy.

Grab me on the butt and go, wow, I can feel your fucking pelvis bone. Yeah. You know? Definitely do that. Definitely do that. But anyway, that's all. Fuck his little butt and go, there's barely anything here to brew. Yeah, exactly.

It's brittle. You're disintegrating. So, yeah, what else? Exciting stuff in that episode. Lots to talk about. London, as we mentioned up the top of the episode, we have since last episode we've put two shows on sale that, yeah, very interesting with the time difference.

Putting it on sale, going to bed, waking up, all gone. It's great. Waking up, all gone, few bits of abuse. How come? How come? I don't know. We don't know. Or you, jammy dodger.

Yep. So thanks, guys. At the moment, so we've done two shows, sold them out. Look, they're not fucking Wembley Arena or anything like that. It's a pub. We sold it at a pub. It's a decent size, triple figure sort of pub. So that is very surprising and great.

We don't know what to do next, whether we – if there's demand to do another one or not. I guess we've got a few months to figure that out. I mean, the fact that we sold both of them out before even plugging the ticket link on a website – sorry, on the episode makes me think that, yeah, maybe now there'll be some people listening to this that go, what the fuck? So, sorry, on the episode, makes me think that, yeah, maybe now there'll be some people listening to this that go, what the fuck?

Yeah. So, yeah, let us know. I mean, yeah, look, we'll try and, yeah, we'll think about it. Yeah. We'll have a think. We'll react to what's being thrown at us. Yeah. If we think we need to put one on or people go crazy or we will do that.

I mean, I love the idea. If everyone's like, yeah, we got our tickets, we're fine. Well, then cool, let's just do that. I love the idea of us just doing a residency though. Like all of a sudden, I kind of want to know now how many can we get up to? Like we're just there for three weeks just doing a podcast every night. We'd be sick. We'd become the pink of London. Yes, exactly.

We'd just break the residency record of like people in America. I mean, I guess they know pink. Yeah. But I think in Australia, pink's like massive, isn't she? So we've become that. The other thing is as well, like when we did one show, we're like, fuck, we don't know anyone in London. Who are we going to get as guests? Oh, let's do two shows.

Maybe let's do three shows. Yeah. We're going to start meeting some fucking people. So, yeah, three shows. Yeah. We've got to start meeting some fucking people. I know. So, yeah, very exciting. And, yeah, like we've been saying all week, like we can't believe that it sold this quickly. I think a lot of people think that that's like false modesty or whatever or people are like, oh, you know, come on, boys. You know you're popular and whatever. And it's like, sure, we know this is good and that people like it.

But you'd have to be insane to think that you'll put a show on sale and it will sell out within less than 24 hours. And we know, look, we know the places we've been to already that we can sell tickets there, but we've never been to fucking London. We really didn't get that vibe off anyone that there was some overwhelming demand that we should go there. We genuinely are surprised. Like, we went to America. We had people come yeah but it wasn't like fucking massive yeah nothing like

this yeah nothing like this nothing yeah so um this is genuinely we thought we put on this one little show it probably wouldn't even fill and that'd be that let alone to sell two shows out immediately yeah so yeah let us know guys because we guys, because we don't want anyone to be – yeah, we're going all that way. We want to make sure that everyone who wants to come can come. We're not going to leave anyone out. Yeah. But we also don't want to do two sold-out ones

and then one show to five people. Yeah, exactly. Especially if, yeah, we do it – like, they're on the Sundays. If we put on an extra show, maybe it would be the Saturday. So then we go, oh, well, we do it before. Like, they're on the Sundays. If we put on an extra show, maybe it would be the Saturday. So then we go, oh, well, we're finally here. And, hey, both of you, cool. What a great opening show for us to do. I mean, I actually wouldn't mind that as a good warm-up to the big day on the Sunday.

Right. What would be worse would be doing that third one on the Monday and having that result. Right. So having the place, heaving with people for three hours and then getting up 24 hours later and just really reality sinking in. Look, this is a thing that we can work on later. So we're doing a show on Sunday. We sold that out.

We then put a show on immediately afterwards. That sold out. That means we're done by about, I think, 8 o'clock or something like that. So what's going to be fun is that just us hanging out if people want to hang out for a beer after that yeah i'm really looking forward to that oh yeah well we're gonna turn it up yeah we're gonna we're gonna fucking go off yeah it will be fun that will be that'll be really fun to just yeah look we'll work at something whether we just stay at that pub i think there's a show on afterwards yeah there is or two yeah um but i got asked to do it oh really yeah um are you doing it i don't really want to do it

after fucking three hours of potting and yeah stand up and stuff yeah i'm really busting to do a spot yeah um are they gonna pay you they were gonna pay me oh yeah it's a bit it's like fuck i should have organized all this stuff what is it it's like fucking gig a bit – it's like – Fuck, I should have organized all this stuff. What is it? I've already got a fucking gig out of it. It's like 40 pounds, which is like 370 Australian dollars. That's pretty good. Whoa. That's a lot of money in Australia. The exchange rate's bad.

No, is it? I think it's actually okay at the moment for the UK, for us in the UK. Yeah. I'm not sure. But look, I know you mean we're going to be doing plus two pods. I would imagine getting out of that and that thing where there's all these people that want to hang out and have a beer, which I'm very fine to do, and then having to go, oh, I've got to go and do this five-minute spot

to maybe not that many people. Fallen into that trap before. And also something that I want to briefly bring up again, we've been talking a lot about we've sort of got this narrative going at the moment of you trying to get a ticket to watch Liverpool play while you're there. That's kind of the main. Keep hitting me up, guys. I want to see Liverpool v Huddersfield at Anfield on the, what is it?

I think it's April 28th or 9th or something like that. If it's Sunday, it'll be the 28th. I think it's Saturday. Well, then it'll be the 27th, if you can believe that. Yeah, I think that's the goal, guys. So, plenty of people have hit me up, but keen to hear. No one has hit me up with that magical answer. Here's how to exactly do it.

In fact, I have a copy of a ticket right here now, if you'd like one. Yeah. Well, I... So, yeah, fingers crossed that happens for you. I'm feeling positive about it. We talked a while ago on the show about a – I cannot remember how it came up, but I was talking about liking the band Hot Chip quite a lot, one of my favourite bands, and we found out through a listener that one of the guys in Hot Chip

listens to this or has listened to this in the past, which made my little dicky extremely hard. And we then, through a friend of a friend who works with him, we got some sort of confirmation from the great man. So, look, if you're listening, you're on the door. Mr Chip. You're on the door, Mr you're on the door Mr Chip even though it's sold out

yeah we can work something out you don't have to you don't you don't have to be on the show just we're not going to

ask anything of you I just want to shake your hand and say thanks for like genuinely one of my favourite bands since I was about 19 or something

I love that band I just want you to come along just to say from the bottom of my heart who are you i'm gonna go watch them play while we're there all right while i'm there so i'm excited about that

uh i someone told me that a group of his his mates with some people who i think are expats that live over there that listen to this as well so guys if you're mates with the great man you gotta relay this message to him right carl wants to know who you are. And look, I've heard that Mo Salah and Alison Becker, goalkeeper for Liverpool, Jordan Henderson, a bunch of the Liverpool squad do listen. So if you want to come along, look, we're sold out. So too bad. If we put on a third show, maybe.

Maybe that's the motivation to put on the third show. It's just all famous people in the audience. We find out that for whatever reason, anyone who's anyone in London listens to the little Dum Dum Club. We turn it into Stringfellows, this exclusive fucking nightclub for all the hoi polloi. They come and see the bonus podcast. Do you know any Hot Chip songs? Would you know any off the top of your head?

I probably know them if I heard them. It's certainly a band I've heard the name of a million times. Yeah, they've been around for ages, yeah. Yeah, I no longer bother putting the band name to the song, to the music. Yeah, okay. I just go, oh, yeah, there's that thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.

They're so fucking good. Okay, I'm so excited that I get to see them while we're there. Great. What date are they playing? They're playing... Before our show or after? No, after. I'm going to go and do some stuff and then go back via London and see that and then fly home.

See, that's the thing that interests me. I've been to London twice and it was fine, but I never knew what to do there. I felt like... I know I wasn't... I didn't have a lot of money at the time. Yeah, same. I remember complaining to people going... someone once going oh yeah i didn't really enjoy it that much and they go i had a fucking ball i'm like oh that's weird and i was

like no like not really what did you do and i was like i was working in a factory on a night shift earning fucking two dollars and they're like that's weird because i had a great time i was on a high paying job doing whatever the fuck i wanted every night i'm like well there's the difference it's probably not the geography fault. Last time I was there was doing a Commonwealth ad and I got fucked up with – I got Milan'd while I was there. Milan was there at the same time. What was he there for?

He was on the way back from Edinburgh. Oh, wow. And he's – yeah, me and him went out one night. Where did you go? We just went to a pub and got really fucked. I should listen back because we did – do you remember this? We did an episode while I was there over the phone. Yes.

Like three in the morning London time. Our only episode without a guest, I think. No, we've done like three or something. Okay. But yeah, I should go back and listen to that. But yeah, look, I'm very interested. I think I'll be hanging out in London for a little bit. I'll be interested to figure out what to do. I don't really know what to do in London. Well, guys, look, I'm very interested. I think I'll be hanging out in London for a little bit. I'll be interested to figure out what to do.

I don't really know what to do in London. Well, guys, let us know. There must be people that are – I don't want to go sightseeing and shit, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to do cool things or see cool – I'll go to a gallery or two. But, yeah, any, like, bars, fun stuff for us to do.

If you work somewhere particularly cool, if you can hook us up with some particular cool thing food let us know if there's any good food in london at all anything yeah yeah fish and chips yeah yeah i mean no indian food is sick there what is it is it brick lane brick lane i've been to brick lane yeah i'm looking forward to that having said that it's one of those things i felt like maybe i'm completely wrong, but I went there and went. I was really into Indian food at the time when I went there. And we went there and it was like, it was good, but it was like, you know what?

We do good Indian here. There's no difference. That's the problem is that we do, this city does most cuisines really well. Yeah. So when you travel, it's like cool because I guess it's cheaper or whatever. This city, podcast city. Podcast city, yeah. But yeah, let us know if you live over there, if you know the good things to do.

Yeah. Yeah, we're open to all suggestions. Like, yeah, restaurants and stuff, but also just like fun, cool shit to do during the day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I've seen all the galleries and stuff. I don't need to go and see Cleopatra again.

You know, I've seen that stuff. Yeah, what have you seen? I've seen a lot of stuff um yeah what they change the stuff in galleries but sure yeah yeah yeah food food would be good food be a good idea somewhere cool to hang out and have a beer somewhere good to hang out and have lunch yeah um yeah that'll do yeah cool well yeah let us know guys if you if you've missed out and then we can look at uh or if you know any english celebrities yeah that maybe we could we could uh hook up with and talk to as well as fuck yeah um yeah that because that that's look that's the that's the main thing that's the thing that intrigues me who we're going to get as guests but uh we'll work that out i mean sure mr beans locked in but who else but he'll be terrible on the podcast.

He's getting donuts out of this cunt. Tell us a story, mate. We've flown all this way. You've done all these amazing things. Like, we've seen it. Just talk about them. Oh, what? You brought a guest on with you?

Teddy. Oh, for fuck's sake. You were driving your fucking car from the fucking roof one day and you can't even tell us a funny story about that? Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah, great. even tell us a funny story about that. Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah, great. You've got a turkey on your head. This is really playing well to the folks at home. All right.

We've got to move on to saying Patreon. Yes. Yes. If you subscribe to our Patreon account, which means we use a little middleman, this website called patreon.com, and if you add a slash little dum-dum club to it you can get uh not only the warm fuzzy feeling that you are donating to the arts and keeping this show running um that that should be enough that can be enough for some people uh what's not enough uh for some people sometimes is that they don't get anything bonus well you're in luck what we do is we give you a magazine every month we give you a bonus episode every month we even put you in an exclusive little facebook group uh of of people that

contribute to us we try and give you as much bonus material as we can all across the board thank you very much for everyone that continues to do that and of course the cherry on top is having is being immortalized uh by having your name read out at some stage on this show. And to keep it fair, we have the adjudicator here. We have the unplanned title alternator, which keeps everything above board and fair. Yep, and a real special episode to be read out on this week as well. A real landmark ep.

Oh. A big bombshell announcement ep. Oh, yeah, yeah, right, right, right. This is a big one to be read out on. Yeah, sure, for sure. We should have had to pay more to be on this one specifically. We should have taken bidding rights, naming rights right, right. This is a big one to be read out on. Yeah, sure, for sure. People should have had to pay more to be on this one specifically. We should have taken bidding rights, naming rights on this episode. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Okay, well, let's crack in. Let's hit the big red button and find out the number one name to be read out this week, and it is, well, we've got something to play with here, Tommy. I'm keen to hear your opinion on this. All right. We've got something to play with here, Tommy. I'm keen to hear your opinion on this. All right.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Aresia Cross. Ooh. Aresia. Aresia. Never heard that name before. Never heard that name before either. Now, I know who this is. I know who this is too, yeah. Yeah, right.

Short. Active on the socials. Yes, and also active at the Costa Milla International Podcast Festival. Yes. Was proposed to last year. That's right. In the 2018 one, she was proposed to at the festival. That's right.

On stage by us. No, by her long-time partner. I believe now I'm stretching back into the memory banks, but I believe they'd been together about as long as I had been with my partner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so there was a few parallels there. But yeah, congratulations to her back then. I don't think they're married yet.

I don't believe so. I don't know. I don't believe so. Miss D'Aressia. So yeah, I think she – Lots of parallels. You proposed at the Marina Bay Sands. Yes.

They proposed in a pool next to Nick Capper in Europe. Yes. They proposed in a pool next to Nick Capper in Europe. Yes. I think she uses the name Arrest, the abbreviation Arrest. I've never heard. Arrest. Arrestia. Yeah. What is that?

It's fancy. Yeah. Oh, you mean, yeah, we're in the world. We're in the world. Is Arrestia Carmen? Yeah. Whatever. Arrestia.

What is it? Diego. Carmen Sandiego. Sands, yeah. Arresia. What is it? Diego. Carmen Sandiego. Sands, yeah. I fucked that. So, yeah. Never heard that one before. Don't know where it's from.

I guess it's Greek. Or Italian. That's a pretty good guess. Arresia. Yeah. Lebanese, perhaps. Oh, wow. Maybe.

I don't know. That's pure. That's a shot in the dark. Yeah. It is a great... It's based. Yeah. It is a great. It's based on nothing. It is a great ad for Koh Samui. Come along this year and get proposed to.

Yeah. That's the dream. I mean, I wish I'd have had that idea. So now we're just going to have people dragging their partners along. Yeah. And spending the whole four days like, eh? Yeah. Eh?

Yeah. Yeah. There's a bunch of men just sweating. Oh, if we can be in any way involved in it, let us know. If you want to drag your partner to Samui, make a thing of it. If we can be in any way involved. We've had a few half-assed offers of, oh, do you want to come to the wedding or do you want to be the emcee at the wedding or something like that?

I think a few people have suggested that and we've gone ha that would be cool and then i don't think either party followed up on it but yeah yeah yeah but you know yeah it's like if you want us to do it then like yeah chase it's like you have to put the work in yeah yeah we're not we're not gonna say yes and then just book flights and be demanding the information from you yeah yeah it's not it's not our dream gig, but it would be cool to, like we're always up for a dumb idea, RE, getting capital London. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be happy to do a, like set up the proposal from on stage.

Yeah. Pretty cool. I went to see Anderson.Paak in concert recently and he did a bit of that. I think a fan had like, I could hit him up on Twitter or on social media or something saying, hey, I want to propose to my girlfriend at the concert tonight. We're both big fans.

And so he mid-song, he's like, all right, this guy hit me up and bro, where are you? Is it, this is your moment, where are you? And then a whole bunch of people just kind of start putting up their hands and he's like, it's you? Wait, no, it's not you. And then he's like looking around, he's like, it's you? Wait, no, it's not you. And then he's like looking around. He's like, seriously, though, where is the guy?

Right. And then just nothing happens. And he goes, all right, bro, you fucked it. Sorry. And then just goes into the next song. Yeah, great. How good. I love the idea that the guy just got cold feet in between asking him to do that and then get into the concert.

Or she's doing something. Like she's white and she's yelling the N word along with him as he's singing. And she's like, this girl's fucked. I don't want to marry this. That would be great. I would love to,

it doesn't even have to happen in Samui. I would love to have that happen where someone proposes on stage at our podcast. Oh, totally. And then that happens and then the rest of the show is just us roasting one of them.

That would be fucking great. We do it in the live show and then we don't mention it and then they listen back to it and we've edited it out. They're like so excited to hear this beautiful moment we've just cut it out. Yeah. I can't guarantee the future of the relationship

if you do it this way, but I would love to be part of it. Just very selfishly. Yeah, me too. I'd love to be part of it. If you hit us up, we'll do it at a live podcast but the condition is we if you're the guy

wanting us to set it up for your proposal we get to cuck you oh wow okay alright well I guess so I guess

well you said it and it's on the air now so I guess that's the thing it's legally binding well Aracia if you haven't been married yet it's a shame because you got the name

Cross last which I don't mind as a last name. Look, maybe you held on to it as my wife has held on to her last name. Imagine if that was your last name. You would never fucking hear the end of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cal Cross.

Jump, jump. It's not a bad name, Cal Cross. Jump off the Westgate. Jump, jump off the Westgate. Jump, jump. Carl Cross will make you jump, jump. Oh, wow, that's good. It's all parody. It's so easy.

Wow. All right, well, thanks, Aresia. Thanks, Aresia. Thanks, Aresia Development. That would be the last name. Very good. Very, very nice. Thank you to

Patreon subscriber Adam Matthias. Ooh. Yeah. M-A-T-T-H-I-A-S. Yep. I presume I'm on the money there.

Matthias. Matthias. It's not Matthias. It could be. Matthias, I'm sure. Let's do both. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Adam Matthias. Just in case. Matthias and Matthias I'm sure Matthias Let's do both Thank you to Patreon subscriber

Adam Matthias Just in case Matthias and Matthias Yes Thank you to both of them Both of them They've double teamed us Yeah I don't know

I don't know what to make of that one Yeah It's because I see this guy Commenting on stuff online Every now and then And it's one of those ones That even not having to like Read it out

Just seeing it Kind of trips me up In my brain a little bit i'm like what is this how do you say this yeah yeah i don't know i don't know it's not it's not my it's not my favorite no no out of the two that we've read out so far it's top two sure but it's not towards the top it wouldn't even be in my top two oh yeah fuck that's. Fuck. That's a big diss. That's a huge diss. Yeah, that's as big a diss as you've got in the locker at the moment. I'd just put Ress in there twice. Oh, really?

Yeah. Adam Cross. If we change his name to Adam Cross, now that is a cool name. Now I'm on board. That is a cool name. Adam Cross. That does sound really cool.

Yeah, it does. It's simple, but it's really good. Yeah. Take a fucking hint, Matthias. I don't know what the fuck that surname is you've got at the moment, but look, your ancestors have really fucked you over there. And it's not too much of a stretch to just change it to cross. Yeah.

Sort of ending on the last letter of the same letter. That's sort of like an old 60s or a 70s thing where you've got your name Adam Matthias and you go into the Brill building with your potential hit song and they go, nah, buddy, you're not going to shift to 45 with a fucking surname like that. Your name's Adam Cross now. Yep. And you're backing singers, the Ding Dongs.

Adam Cross and the Ding Dongs. Bang. Top of the charts. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. And what would his hit song be? Bang.

Top of the charts. I love it. Yeah, I love it. And what would his hit song be? She kissed me and it felt so good. In brackets. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

I thought it, she kissed me, comma, and it felt so good, brackets, my little dicky got hard. Yeah, right. 60s, I'm not sure if they were, not sure if the Brill Building ever had a reference to a little dicky getting hard. Well, that's, I mean, that was what was so provocative. It changed the game. Not sure if Hal David ever sidled up to Burt Bacharach and went,

you know what Cilla Black could say here at the moment? She could say, I'm going to suck it till your little dicky gets hard. Having a reference to a boner in the brackets of the title of the song as well. And then you listen to the song and it's not about that at all. There's nothing rude in the song whatsoever. It's just got this pornographic title. Yeah. No, a bit beyond hell, David, I think, to get that in there.

But look, these days, I think he's still alive. He's a 90-year-old or whatever. I wouldn't mind if he started getting into it. Just being horny at an old age. Being a horny 90-year-old man. Being a horny grandpa. I've got to refresh. I've got to gotta rebrand i want to get back into it's been a long time since i was trying to pitch stuff to the shirelles or to fucking you know whoever uh i'm gonna i'm

gonna hit up i'm gonna hit up fucking who would he who would he be writing songs for these days oh god uh what who's the the pop starlets of today? Ariana Grande. He'd be getting in with Ariana Grande. Yeah. Even she, would she be into singing about Little Dickies Getting Hard? Maybe. I reckon, yeah.

Yeah, okay. I love Ariana Grande. Yeah. I'm a genuine big fan. That new album is really good. Really? Yeah. I'm going to have a listen.

I like that song. Which one? Thank You, Next. Yes. That's album is really good. Really? Yeah. I'm going to have a listen. I like that song. Which one? Thank You Next? Yes. That's a great song. Yeah. And to put out a new album so soon after, the one before this only came out in August. Oh, really? It turned around so quickly and it's equally as good. It's a pretty big

achievement, IMO. Sure. I mean, it's not quite up there with doing a podcast every week. If she'd written any of it, it'd be even a bigger achievement, I guess. Oh! Well, it's not this. It's just like literally, well, I guess she's not doing a lot every week. If she'd written any of it, it would be even a bigger achievement, I guess. Oh! Well, it's not this. It's just like literally, well, I guess she's not doing a lot of the heavy lifting, is she?

She's someone who I actually don't know how much she does by herself. I don't know if she has what kind of team of people she has. I find it very interesting these days. I think this is different from, say, your 70s, 80s, even 90s, where you have bands and they're just singing these songs where it's like oh what does that song really mean you know what's it really oh what does that song mean but whereas these days i feel like a lot of high profile performers are just singing songs about

stuff that the general public already know about them like you know they broke they had a breakup with their partner and everyone knows about that it's been in the gossip columns and then it's like all right well here's my song about my real life that you very very much know about already i feel like pop has always been pretty on the nose though like old soul stuff like you know music in the 60s and 70s like it's pretty direct yeah but i don't think there was that communication with the general public where you know exactly what they're singing about. Whereas these days I think you do. You know what I mean? Yeah.

There's no Beatles. Ariana is a great example of it where she has had a very, very fucked couple of years. Yes. Very high profile fucked things happen to her. That's what I mean. And you are well aware of those songs, who she's talking about and what she's talking about. Sure. I don't think the Beatles were bringing out songs like, and it's like, oh, this will be when fucking Paul fucked that chick.

Yeah. But I guess what's interesting about it is not so much that you're learning about it, but you're learning about how she's gone about processing it. Yes. I still think it is interesting to hear someone talk about that stuff in their own words, even if it is through a song. Oh, no doubt. Oh, here's your take on it. That's interesting. No doubt.

But I find what I'm saying is the difference between then and now is you know exactly what they're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because back then, they're trying to use metaphors or you're not sure about their public life, their personal life back then. This is the most transparent age of singer-songwriters or performers or whatever. Of anything, yeah.

It's unreal that she had a song on her last album the title of which was just pete davidson the title was just the name of her current partner yeah right and it's like come on man like this is like pretty and that's just that's just on the album forever now yeah for all eternity yeah fucking things are changing yeah um thanks adam thanks adam that's where we got uh thank you to patreon subscriber jason mac now this i'm into yeah me too i like this a lot me too because it reminds me of um you this would be uh after your time the secret world of alex mac yeah that was after i died that came out yeah Yeah, RIP. After my time. Do you know anything about that show? I know the name.

It was an old Nickelodeon show about this girl who she gets exposed to radiation and then she can turn into goo. Yep. Yeah, and she's, yeah. That rings a bell. I never watched it. Yeah. So it just reminds me of that.

Yeah. The Secret World of Jason Mack. I really like it without any of that reference. Jason's not a bad name. Mack is a cool last name. M-A-C-K. Cool name. Something I really like is the asymmetry of a first name that is noticeably longer than the surname.

Right. One letter, but sure. Is it? Yes. But it's – I mean, well, syllable-wise as well. Yeah. Jason surname. Right. One letter, but sure. Is it? Yes. But it's, I mean, well, syllable-wise as well. Yeah. Jason. Yeah.

Mac. Right. Like it being kind of feeling like a sort of a longish first name and then just a very hard direct one sound for the surname. Oh, look, and that's the rule of comedy. You want, but it is. It's like a harsh sounding, like Mac is like a punchline word. It's like Mac has got that sharp K.

It's very direct and sharp. Fucking sounds good. I would be very happy to introduce myself as Jason Mac. Yeah. Be like, fuck, who's this guy? Who's this fucking rock star? I need a business card. I need a copy of this guy's name.

Yeah. I want memorabilia of the time I met some cunt with a name this cool. Oh, right. So you think that's what – so you're getting business cards not to like, hey, give me a call, let's work together. It's just like you've just met me. It's not for me. You're going to want to remember this.

This is for them. Yeah, right. You can frame this and you'll always remember the time that you met me. That's pretty good actually. I really like that. A little bit of free merch. Yeah. Well, thanks, Jason.

Thanks, Jason. Thanks, Jason. Thanks, Mac Attack. Thanks, Jason Mac the Knife. Thanks, Jason Big Mac. Yep. Yep. Is that it? Jason Biggs.

Is that the guy from American Pie? Yeah. Yeah. So he could be Jason Biggs Mac. Yeah. Yeah. There's things. There's so much stuff. Yeah. American Pie? Yeah. Yeah. So he could be Jason Biggs Mac. Yeah. Yeah. There's things. There's so much stuff.

Yeah. American Pie. Yeah. Imagine. Imagine these days. Imagine that happening these days. What do you think, Tommy? Literally.

If you got caught. Just for us. Imagine these days if you got caught. This is the FUBU of podcasting. For us, by us. Is that what FUBU stands for? Yeah. I never knew that.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. Oh, Rad Dad. But that's not, oh, Rad Dad. Like, he should know that. Because Rad Dad would love FUBU. He'd love FUBU, yeah.

But I can understand him not understanding that, you know, culturally what that brand is. He wouldn't have looked into it. Right. He'd just like those big baggy pants. food, yeah, but I can understand him not understanding culturally what that brand is. He wouldn't have looked into it. He'd just like those big baggy pants. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Jason. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Amanda Salmon. Interesting.

Yeah. What do you think about that? There's a lot there. Is that as cool? There's a lot there. Is that as cool? There's a lot there. I reckon that is big time schoolyard bullying. Oh, you reckon? Now, we've met Amanda Salmon.

Yep. She is from Brisbane, I believe. Yep. And she has cosplayed at our live shows before. She's dressed as Dr. Dr. Ramsey. Yep. We put a live show on and she swam upstream in order to get to the top. You know, there's that like old prank call of like…

Amanda Hug and Kiss. Amanda Hug and Kiss. What's your name? Amanda. Amanda Hug and Kiss. Yep. How would that go with this? Amanda Salmon.

I want a man to salmon. I want a man to salmon. So I just want a man to swim upstream with. Yeah, right. Right. I want a man to salmon. I want a man to salmon. So I just want a man to swim upstream with. Yeah, right, right. I want a man to debone. I want a man to have a very healthy, nutritious meal. Get eaten by a bear with.

Yeah. Do you know what I'm getting at when I say high school bullying with that as a surname? I don't want to be, I would hate to ever be classed. Oh, yes, right. Now I do. But if you're a female and your surname is fish related, I would imagine, not saying that's where my brain immediately went.

You would get a lot of boys coming up going, you've got the same surname as very popular and successful full forward of Essendon Football Club in the 80s and early 90s, Paul Salmon. Number three, the big fish. Exactly what would be happening. Kicking bagfuls of goals in the 1985 grand final against Hawthorne. Yep. Totally. That's totally what I was going at.

Very embarrassing. Schoolyard. Kids can be so cruel. Yeah. Why do you have to come up and say, smell your finger? Smell your finger because then you'd smell the leather of the football when you were picking up the ball and kicking heaps of goals, Paul Salmon. Yep.

Yep. There's this telepathic bond between us, Tommy. I know. I knew exactly what you were going to say. I know, eight years or something. That's the kind of symbiotic relationship that you're able to tap into. It's like we're non-fraternal twins. Yes.

Yes. It's like we're twins of different – it's like me and you, Arnie and Danny DeVito. Yes. Yeah. Totally. Thanks, Amanda. Thanks, Amanda. And I assume we'll be seeing her at the Brisbane show coming up?

Yeah, I hope so. I would hope. Sometimes, yeah, you do notice that sometimes when there's been a few distinctive listeners over the years and they all turn up at a certain city and you go, oh, it'll be good to see them again. And then they just stop. Was she recently single at the last Brisbane one that we did? That's the one.

Was that her? Yeah, okay. Yeah. Was that the last? What was the last? No. No, no, not the one we did at the start Brisbane one that we did? That's the one. Was that her? Yeah, okay. Yeah. Was that the last? What was the last? No. No, no, not the one we did at the start of last year. The one we did in the old porno theatre or whatever the fuck that was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Opposite. In that old fuck theatre opposite. The porno soft drink vending machine. Yeah. Yeah. No, she was recently single there, but then I don't know. We didn't get an update when we went to the big venue last time.

Yeah. How are you going? the big venue last time. Yeah. How are you going? What's happening, Amanda? Yeah. What's the status? Yeah. Are you footloose and fancy free or are you – what's going on? Yeah.

What's going on in your bunk at the moment? Is it busy or is it not busy? Yeah, let us know. And feel free – to all the listeners out there, if you want to let us know if you're fucking at the moment, you know, long term, started seeing someone, you know, let's get a relationship status thread going. If you're in a relationship you've been in for a while and you're thinking about maybe asking about anal, let us know.

Right, right. Yeah, yeah. Is that drawn from any kind of personal experience? No, sadly not. That story you just told in the air, that backed up S-bend, was that a metaphor? I got the plunger out. Yeah, no. My wife has recently suggested that if I start taking dildos up the ass.

So, yes. Right, okay. Right, right, right. It taking dildos up the ass. So, yes. Right, okay. Right, right, right. It's good for the baby, hey? Yeah, yeah. Baby gets fed, then I get fed up the bum. Yep, yep. That, yeah.

That would be an interesting like kind of thing to try and pull like what kind of fuck things can you get new parents to do by just spooking them? It's like you have to do this because it's good for the baby. They're not doing anything with or to the baby. It's like, you have to insert this into the eye of your dick and it means that the baby will be very healthy. Just what kind of paranoia can you tap into to get people to do weird shit?

I can't wait. Thanks, Amanda. Thanks, Amanda. Salmon. Salmon. Salmon. I Salmon I think Alright You have been

The listeners won't Have been able to Hear this Because you've been Doing it inaudibly You've been yawning The entire time We've been doing this

I've had a big night Yeah yeah I've had a big night Fair enough And I'm out of the house And I've got to get back And relieve my wife From her duties

So what are you saying you want to wrap it up now yes okay no more names i must okay look look we do have a big backlog thank you to everyone for being so patient about having their name read out um because sometimes we only do one sometimes we try and make up for that by doing 20 or 30 but yep um we do have a lot we're getting to everyone uh so look i feel guilty now saying that out loud so we'll do one more okay cool um okay let's get to it uh thank you to patreon subscriber wow what um just something slightly timely that's all um but well stop slowing me down we'll find out um we'll stop taking so long to read it out i didn didn't realise I was doing that. Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Big Ben Comedy.

Right. Okay. Yeah. We were talking about London before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's got something to do with London. Like, in a way, there's a reference to it at least. Well, there's a clock called Big Ben.

Yes. That's what I was thinking. But there's nothing funny about it. Right. I don't know what Big Ben comedy could be. Well, I didn't presume for a second that this is actually Big Ben. Like, we all know that clock's name is Big Ben, but no one's ever thought, well, what's its surname?

Yeah, right. So, I don't know if this is Big Ben and Big Ben's last name is comedy or whether this is a completely different clock or person. It could be a different clock. What it could be, you know, they say in comedy timing is everything. So maybe this is the clock that governs the timing of comedy. Right. It's just a whole different...

Right. It's a different measurement. Like Greenwich Mean Time, this is comedy mean time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's only... It's the rule of three. So there's only three hours on there. Right.

And it's just whichever one you fall into. Is there anything against making another clock and just calling that Big Ben as well? You could do that all the time if you wanted to. It doesn't have a trademark, surely. But then once there's a second Big Ben, it's like you would have to make sure that it's the exact same size as Big Ben. Because otherwise it's either Bigger Ben or it's not second Big Ben, it's like you would have to make sure that it's the exact same size as Big Ben. Because otherwise it's either Bigger Ben or it's not as Big Ben. I reckon you can make, I reckon if I was a billionaire, I'd make a clock right now, like

a big clock. Wouldn't even look anything like Big Ben. And I just call it Big Ben just to see what would happen. Just to see how pissed off someone would get about it. Let's do that when we're over there. Let's make our own little clock in our Airbnb and get people around.

Let's get a scam going where we go, come see Big Ben up close. Yeah. And then it's just us with a little fucking fake, one of those little

Mickey Mouse watches that we've bought at a market. It's literally me with two hands on your dick. 69 o'clock Yeah look You know

By the time we get to London Tommy you might be still single If you wanna If you wanna fuck Tommy Let us know Oh yeah Any fit birds that wanna Any fit bits of toddy

Over there in London You know what Beggars can't be choosers I'll take mingers I'll take slappers. Wow. Okay. If you're a minger or a slapper, let us know.

Are there any mingers coming to our show? Yeah. Let us know. Yeah. We need to get the breakdown between who's coming to the show out of mingers and right fit birds. Yeah. If there's any fit bits of skirt that are coming,

let us know. Because we've got to spread everyone out evenly. We don't want, we don't want one side of the room to be too minger heavy. Yeah. All right, guys.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for subscribing. Thanks, Big Ben Comedy. Thanks, Big Ben Comedy. Thanks for supporting the show. We'd love to know if that's the actual clock or not. Yeah, get in touch.

It'd be great to know. You know, like some people go, well, what's Cher's last name? A lot of people don't know. Well, what's Big Ben's last name? Well, it could be comedy. Could be comedy. We don't know if that's the actual clock or not. Yeah, get in touch. It'd be great to know. Some people go, well, what's Cher's last name? A lot of people don't know. Well, what's Big Ben's last name? Well, it could be comedy. It could be comedy. We don't know if it's the actual big clock.

Thank you to everyone who supports the show. Thank you so much to everyone in London who bought all those tickets, snapped all of them up. An absolutely unreal result and we're very, very chuffed and we're very excited to get over there. What else? LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all the links to the tickets and everything that we have coming out.

We've got the solo shows. We've got, yeah, so much stuff on all around the place. My Fuck Around show is on sale in Melbourne, so get onto that. Everything's on the website. Brisbane, Canberra, Melbourne, London, Koh Samui. Yep. Yep. Thanks, guys.

Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate.