The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 437 - Becky Lucas & Adam Knox

Episode Date: February 19, 2019

It's midnight on a Saturday and we're having drinks with BECKY LUCAS and ADAM KNOX! It's a loose, relaxed and very silly vibe as we reminisce about what we wore in the pool in Thailand, bed bugs, online beef, massages AND we take some callers! PLUS some big announcements in Talking Dum Dum! Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up: BRISBANE! You guys are awesome so we're coming back. March 17, 4pm. CANBERRA! We're back for one night only. March 23, 5pm. MELBOURNE! We're doing another month of huge shows at the Comedy Festival. Saturday March 30, April 6, April 13 & April 20, 4:30pm. We're also doing an extra show: Late Night Dum Dum. Friday April 5, 11:55pm. LONDON! Third and final show is now on sale! Saturday May 4, 3:15pm. KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16.For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Adam Knox and Becky Lucas. First of all though, a few announcements that we have to let you know about. Hot off the presses, London, you may have heard us talking about how we are going to be over there doing two live podcasts that have both sold out. A third and final show is going on sale Saturday, May the 4th. If you're in London and you're listening to this when it's gone up, it will be on sale Wednesday morning this week, your time. So get on it quick because we don't know how quickly that one is going to sell. That's it, and it's the final one,

and the other one's sold in like a couple of hours. So get onto that London, your last chance to see the show or see another one of the show. And it's on the day before the other ones that have sold out. So two sold out ones on the Sunday, and this is on the Saturday before it. Yep. So get onto that angelcomedy.co.uk is the website where you can find the tickets to that.

We've also got a bunch of stuff coming up in Australia. May the 17th, we are back in Brisbane doing a big live. March 17th. March the 17th. I've got May on the brain. March the 17th, we are at the Woolly Mammoth in Brisbane. Huge live podcast. Great special guests locked in.

That is going to be heaps of fun. Canberra. Canberra. May the... We're here before that. Fuck, I've done it again. Stop saying May. March the 23rd.

This calendar. I mean, when are we going to get rid of it? Yeah. It's had its time in the sun. It's done this for a few thousand years. It's time to upgrade. March the 23rd. Canberra, selling very well. Looking forward to that one.

Again, great guests locked in for that. Also on the same night, later in the night at 9 p.m., my solo show, Balding Cherub, is happening. Looking forward to seeing a bunch of you guys down there at that. Then the week after that, March the 30th, April the 6th, the 13th. May I say you've nailed that one. Yeah. The 6th, 13th and 20th of Maypril, I mean April.

That is going to be an awesome month of shows like we always do in Melbourne for that month. You can get a season pass right now. If you're listening to this hot off the presses, there's only a couple of days left until those season passes go out of style and you can't get them anymore and you've got to get individual tickets. But if you get a season pass, that means that you can see all the shows for all up $20 cheaper than buying them individually.

So if you want to get on that, get to our website. We're also doing a late night show on Friday night at midnight on I think it's the 5th of April. And, of course, the legendary drunk cast to top it all off at the end of April the 21st. We've never sounded more like we have brain damage than we do right now. Yep.

So that's all happening. Also, guys, there is some big developments with the Costa Mui International Podcast Festival. And we will go into detail with that in Talking Dumb Dumb after the proper episode, if you will. Yep. That is happening the 11th till the 16th of Majoon. Yep. Junee?

A fedora-wearing month, Majoon. Good stuff. Heaps of good shit happening with that. So some news at the end of the show. Big announcement. Tune in. Tune in for some radical developments. Yep.

But until then, this episode, four friends really burning the midnight oil. Oh, yeah. Look, let's do a little bit of a warning here. I don't know what it sounds like. I don't think it needs a warning, but it does need, I don't know, some kind of- Context? Some kind of context, yes. We did a gig, and then it was the only time we could get Becky to do the show.

If it was late at night, people had had a few drinks. If this is looser than usual and a bit harder to understand, that's the reason why. Yeah. This is for friends having fun. I'd say it's a different vibe to what we normally do, but I listened back to it and I enjoyed listening to it. Right, okay. Well, Tommy recommends it.

The DMs are closed. Tommy recommends it. I was very hesitant, but yeah. So if you've got any complaints, T-Dassler. No, no, no, no. No, the inbox is closed. Not open to complaints. But yeah, enjoy this.

We'll see you back at the end for Talking Dum Dum for some announcements and some other stuff. But until then, enjoy this episode with Adam Knox and Becky Lucas. Mate. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Let's get our guests in. Joining us today... Let's take a while. I think some of our guests would like to really stretch this out. It goes for an hour from when we introduce the guests. No, the guest is Becky Lucas. I couldn't hear that. I actually couldn't hear that name, so don't even worry about it. Someone seems in a bit of a rush,

but I think that's quite rude. I think we should start again. I like the riffing up the top too. Yeah. We haven't done that for a while. Okay. Start again from the top. Hey mates,

welcome into the little dumb dumb club. Big quick. Big quick. Now I've got to start it again. I've got to start it again now. Hey mates. Is this definitely recording? No, it is on

I'm only staying for 20 minutes 50 seconds so far Thank you for joining us My name is Tommy Dasolo With me as always The other half of the program Carl Chandler Good day

This is so fucked up Let me go I don't want to be here. I'm being handcuffed to the table. I'll let you introduce the guests. I bet some of your sick listeners just got horny thinking about that. There would be at least five, I reckon. There'll be male.

There's always some listeners that very, very particularly like it when female guests arrive. Do you reckon anyone's ever come whilst listening to this podcast? Absolutely, yes. Because I can tell you they have right now. I have literal first-hand experience. What do you mean? As in I used my first hand.

Which one is the first? Left or right? Right. Okay, yeah. No, so hey guys, thanks for coming for a mini little Koh Samui Which one is the first? Left or right? Right. Okay, yeah. No. So, hey, guys, thanks for coming for a mini little Koh Samui International Podcast reunion. Well, we were never on the same one in Koh Samui. No, they were scared it was going to be too funny.

We didn't want too many alphas on the same pod. So, yeah. No, but you were both on it. You were both in the festival. Hey, I've got an idea for you guys. Why don't you cut out the middleman and just make rashies? What does that mean? Like make little dum-dum-dum.

See your mates, rashies. Yeah, rashies. Oh, like rash festing. Because a lot of your listeners wear their shirt in the pool anyway. Oh, right. It's not really cutting out the middleman. That's just us profiting off those fat guys and their body issues. Cutting in the midriff because the biggest rashy will still have a bit of a midriff on

the people who are going to wear them there. Myself included. I want to be clear. That's not bad. I'm a fat man. What did you wear in the pool? You just go. I went shirtless specifically because I was like, oh, there's a lot of people wearing

shirts in this pool. I'm going to go crazy. These are people wearing shirts in this pool. Yeah. I'm going to go crazy. These are my people. Fuck the trend, yeah. Because if you're the only one, then you get questions about it. At the time as well, my girlfriend at the time was there and I was like, what have I got to prove? If I went again, I'd be like, I've got everything to hide.

Was that it? When you had the conversation, was it like, because you didn't wear a T-shirt in the pool? Yeah, maybe if you'd worn the t-shirt it should still be your girl no it was other things well things more important than that no less important

but man the fucking night that we broke up I don't know why I'm telling it so in context you went to the Coastal Million International

Podcast Festival last year with your girlfriend yeah and that's since it ended yes yep 100%

100% yeah big call not even saying ever not even And that's since it ended? Yes. A hundred percent. A hundred? Yeah. Big call. Not even saying ever. Not even one percent left? Looking back, I shouldn't have said all that stuff about you to her. And you shouldn't have rooted Noxy as well. I got the impression, and tell me if I'm wrong,

that you didn't really like her. Oh, dude. I would never. Even if I did like her and even if I didn't, I would never admit it. Okay. So what sort of an answer is that? A big no comment in fancy cursive. Why did you get that feeling?

I don't know. Maybe it's because I. You hate everyone? Yeah. I might have felt pretty uncomfortable at the time because my entire top half of my body was out and I wasn't used to it. Yeah, I was narrowing my eyes in disgust and you're like, it must be my girlfriend. Just to see. Yeah.

Yeah. You kept saying that shit about- You've got a lazy eye too, so you thought he was looking over there. You kept saying, Adam, I hate you, Adam, I hate you. And I was like, I'm sorry that you hate me because of my girlfriend. No, I liked her. I mean, I didn't get to know her that well. You don't have to say that.

They're not together anymore. In fact, Adam probably doesn't like her that much anymore. So if you want to say anything. She's still fine. It's fine. Yeah. It's just, I don't want to, what if she listens to this? And that does happen.

That would be a weird thing for her to dumb knock she. I don't know why I did that. Honestly, it's because it's midnight and I'm tired enough. It's almost worse for you to say that you did like her because then it's like you lost a good one there, pal. It'd be better for him if you just said it. I loved her. She's the best you'll ever be capable of.

Why did you let her go, dude? So the night we broke up, she was like, let's go to like a fancy pizza restaurant and you pay like this expensive pizza restaurant. She did not say that. Let's go to a fancy restaurant and you pay. I'm not. Look, maybe some of this is me.

When I say it out loud, yeah, sure, maybe it sounds different to when I'm in the shower alone. Jacking off to the little number. Alone in the shower. What a loser. I've got three people in the shower at all times with me. But so what? You go to this fancy place.

You pay. A fancy pizza restaurant. No, and I chose to pay. And also it was like. What's the most a pizza can cost? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How fancy? Like 30.

How fancy is a pizza? No, because pizzas can have any ingredient on them. So there's no upper limit on what a pizza can cost. Wow. And if you eat a gold pizza that we ate. So that was, you were having a gold pizza? No, I'm being, I'm exaggerating. But you had like a bottle of wine, some buffalo mozzarella.

Yeah, I got to get a, I got to pay for the engagement ring that I didn't get to bring out. You weren't a pizza hut, You were at Pizza Fort Knox. Yes. You go to one Domino's and then a second Domino's. It starts adding up. Right. But, yeah, whatever.

It's over now. But what happened at the pizza restaurant? And she broke up with you at the pizza restaurant. No, no, no. Why did you start telling this story? I don't know. Honestly, I'm trying to bail out of it. I don't think you should. I think you have bail out of it. I don't think you should.

I think you have to double down. A double down is what we ate at KFC after the two dominoes. We're going to start using a breathalyzer before we start these podcasts. Why? Why did you go to the breathalyzer? Why did you go to the breathalyzer? I'm going to use one on myself. A fucking cop going like, can you blow into this place?

Why did you go to a fancy pizza restaurant? What happened there? Because we were like, we went to the UK after Edinburgh. We like- That's what we're doing. Got to a point. Okay. So you know what happened?

We got to a point because of the UK where we were like, oh, maybe this isn't going so well anymore. Right. And then we were like, we'll go and have a big nice date and we'll see if we can reconnect. Fancy pizza. Fancy pizza. If you can't make a connection over fancy pizza, can you make one ever?

I love making connections over pizza. What's your favourite pizza? Probably just like a diavola. Just a diavola. Just the most complicated word I've ever heard. Yeah, just a thing that we don't know. What is a diavola? Diavola is devil in Italian.

Okay, I don't need to know the history of it. I just want to know the ingredients. I didn't ask for the pizza's life story. So there's rape on the pizza. What else? Well, it's like the devil pizza. I just imagine all the worst things in the world are on this pizza.

Is there incest on the pizza? You can't fault him on that. You can't fault him on that logic, folks. Yeah, exactly. Be careful. This pizza's been a me too. And saying that in an accent too has probably thrown that even worse. Mama mia too.

No, genuinely, what is this fucking pizza you're going on about? It's delicious. Margarita, I barely know her Sorry No go on Do another one Alright I'm like

You know If you get caught smoking And your parents Make you smoke a bath Do the whole riff Right now While I watch I barely know her

If you're gonna be shit Be shit 50 times And then you'll learn That's a fucking That would be a great rule At the gigs I barely know. If you're going to be shit 50 times, then you'll learn. That would be a great rule at the gigs that you run, Carl. Anyone tries new and it bombs, they then have to do it 50 times after the gig finishes for an audience of just you. Is that not what the rule is?

Because I've been doing that for a while. I will just do the same shit joke and never change it. And then every now and then it'll go well and I'm like, well, it's done. I guess everyone else was wrong except for these four people who laughed at them. What is this fucking pizza? It's got to be peppers. It's like you'd have some spicy salami, olives. She's never eaten one of these pizzas in her life.

She's a Hawaiian girl. She's trying to look fancy in front of us. No, it's a diavola. I'd pair it with a chianti. I'd have it. I'd probably have an entree of a, yeah, some buffalo mozzarella maybe. Jeez. Wow.

Buffalo mozzarella. I barely know her. Yeah, I barely know her. All right, we better start the episode. Hey, mate. Welcome. Seriously, though, I'm not staying long. It's so late.

It's like roughly, it's like 2 a.m. Yeah, what time is it? It's not that at all. It's 11.36. It's practically. It's a hop, skip and a jump away from 2 a.m. Look, Becky could not possibly be doing this more against her will at the moment. But the only reason we're doing this is because we're going to do it in the morning.

It's like a dear mole on pizza. We were going to do this in the morning, but then Becky was too sick. Yeah, I was spewing. Which would have actually been nice, because remember when I was first on the podcast, I spewed? Oh, you did too? Yeah. So I actually thought as I was going to sleep, huh, it's not so bad. Maybe I'll spew it.

It'll be funny. Yeah, it's on brand. That's your bit. Full circle. Imagine if that became your thing and you just had to do it every time. It was funny still. I'll spewsy.

Yeah. But yeah. I know spews. I don't know spews. So I felt sorry for you. Sick Mitchell. Anyway. You felt sorry for who?

I felt sorry for you this morning because I got a text from you very early going, I'm too sick to do the pod. But then I found out later on, oh, no, because you were just off your fucking guts. And that's why. Oh, did I not make that clear? No. Because in my mind, I must have half dreamt it. I dreamt it to you that I said, I'm so sorry.

I have no one to blame but myself. How did you not understand, Carl? She dreamt it. She dreamt it to me. That's your fault. Oh, you DMed me. Yeah, but what did I actually say? I'm so sorry.

I thought you just said, I'm so sick. I'm spewing at the moment. See, I'm such an alcoholic. I always assume people know that if I'm sick in the morning, it's because of partying the night before. It is. I think podcasting must be the only media where you can do that and just go, no, I'm too drunk, but I'll do it later.

But I wanted to be like, look, there's just nothing that can be done. I went too hard. I am vomiting every half an hour. You can try and get me to do the podcast, but I am too sick and there's just nothing I can do. I'd love to have heard that. That would have been good. It would have been interesting.

We would have had fun. You can force me to do this podcast Diavola style too many spicy sausages instead it's this where we've been drinking all night and now we're doing it

at nearly midnight on a Saturday I think it's been smooth I think there's a good vibe going on there's a good vibe going on it's better that yeah I was too sick

what what what turned you around yeah um just time okay I made the worst decision though I ordered the worst Yeah, I was too sick. What turned you around? Just time. Okay. I made the worst decision, though.

I ordered the worst thing on Uber Eats. I ordered the fucking wrap, and it arrived, and it was dry. It was like just carrots and spinach and the shittest falafel, and the wrap was real dry and disgusting. It tastes like cardboard. And I was so upset. Okay. There's actually nothing funny.

There's nothing. I know you're looking at me like, okay. I was hanging on your every word. Bring it home, Becky. And I'm like, I want to. All right. Just think of something funny that could be in a wrap. Just put something in there. Okay.

Now you describe. It's Becky and I'm here. Oh, wait. Let me do it again. Now you have to describe it 50 more times so you can learn your lesson. Also, 90% of this podcast has been you listing ingredients so far, but let's keep going. Alright, pretend this is like

FM radio and we've only got three minutes for this little break. It's not an hour show where you can just list every vegetable you want. Let's get something out of this wrap. Chemist Warehouse are paying $250,000 to be sponsoring this. Yeah, g'day. I'm calling up to Becky and the Mong. I just wanted to know what did you have in your wrap last night?

Okay, okay. Well, what I had, I had it was a really shitty spelt gluten-free wrap. Sorry, but I'm not gluten-free. I know everyone else is, but I'm not gluten-free. Nice, nice, nice, nice. So it had carrot in there. I know they say carrot helps you see, but I see just fine.

Oh, I saw that this wrap was shit ass. There you go. There's something. There's an angle. You'd be in there like sort of... Ding dong. Spinach, like Popeye. Haha. And then a big smearing of cum.

Okay. And that's Thirsty Merc. Take me back to the sweet times and hot nights. We really punched up this rapuate. That was worth going in for a second lap. Yeah. The other day I knew I was in a really bad way when I was moved by a Thirsty Merc song.

Oh, yeah. You got emotional. Which Merc? The Summertime one? Yeah. You know the one. I still have a vivid memory to this day and I don't know why, but I remember Rove saying on his show.

Hang on, hang on, hang on. Rove who? Oh, sorry. Mr. Live. Mr. Television, Rove Mc on his show hang on hang on hang on Rove who? oh sorry Mr Live Mr Television Rove McManus going like thirsty I remember him saying

these exact words thirsty Merc is my favourite band man that is insane for anyone to have ever even at it's peak of take me back to the sweet times

hot nights everything's gonna be alright in the summer time that was quite moving sharing that but it's like even though it was Even at its peak of take me back to the sweet times, hot nights, everything's going to be all right in the summertime. That was quite moving there. Thank you for sharing that. But it's like even this, it was never good. Fucking hell.

Especially to say anything is your favourite thing. I know. To say it. The words in the name, tame. Why are you saying anything's good when you've got the word tame in something? What do you mean? Where did the word tame come from? Are you thinking of tame and parlor? Yeah, is that what you just said?

No. Thirsty Murph. We said it like eight times. This should be a breathalyzer. We sung part of the song. Why did I start thinking that? Tame Impala is legitimately good. If Rove, like back when he was doing his show, back then

he was like, this band Tame Impala in years after my show is cancelled will be great. They're about to put out their first EP. Listen, I'm going to be in LA, so I won't know about this. Hey, Adam, stop shouting. Oh, sorry. It's not funny or clever.

I was at a gig the other night and this guy came up to me afterwards. He was this big ginger guy and he was in a punk band. He was trying to get me to open for his punk band. Oh, nice. Yeah, and he's like, because we're a punk band and all our songs are like... Now, was this a punk band? He's like, all our songs are really fucked.

They're all about being pegged and stuff. You know, the stuff you're up there doing, you're dark, man. You're twisted and that would just fit him so well with what we do. What bit are they singing? That stuff you're up there doing about how you love fucking kids. I'm like, it's not really what I was saying.

You're taking some real liberties there. Where did they get that from? Was this a bit you did or some internet search history? I think he was just on his phone while I was on, yeah. But then he starts talking about how he went to see the Dalai Lama when he was in high school. Dalai Lama? I hardly knew it.

Hey, you see? It's tempting once you've got the joke format in front of you. You want to throw it out there. But you'd remember this. When the Dalai Lama came out and he did a big thing here and it was like Rove who interviewed him. Right. Was it?

Or was it Karl Stefanovic? The way this guy told it, he went and saw Rove and he goes, like the way he tells it, he goes, so, you know, I'm there seeing the Dalai Lama. We got dragged for school and I'm like, fuck this. And then they introduce the guy who's interviewing him and I'm like, it's fucking Rove. And I'm like, this is awesome. This guy genuinely more excited to see Rove than the Dalai Lama.

Wow. Fucking sensational. Great. But yeah. Yeah, man, I used to love Rove when I was a kid. I watched it all the time. I was like this guy. And now thinking back on man, I used to love Rove when I was a kid. I watched it all the time. I was like this guy. And now thinking back on that,

I'm like, what the? Yeah, it's pretty. Man, you are not going to get employed 15 years ago. I like Rove. Rove's a good, he's a nice guy. He's been on this.

But you should be able to rib people. That's, Australian comedians are so fucking sensitive. I completely agree, Becky. Yeah. I completely agree. You should be able to rib people. Australian comedians are so fucking sensitive. I completely agree, Becky. Yeah? I completely agree.

You should be able to rib people in Australian comedy. Yeah. Just like I ribbed your friends in Australian comedy not long ago. Okay. The Batuta advocate. They are my boys and I love them. I found the exception that proves the rule I've never heard you say the word boys

My boys No they're the best You didn't make fun of them You just did some tweet Was this a joke? Yeah I didn't I know I just made a joke

I know You got very Sansa-tiff about it I was just like nah man I made a joke The literal joke was Fuck I don't even remember it. It was something like, I bet the chaser pissed off that the Batuta advocate stole their idea of ripping off the onion. Right.

It was just a joke. It was just a joke. And then I got a very rare, furious barrage of tweets from Becky Lucas. I was just like, they're actually cool, good guys who I'm in touch with. Anyway, I love them. I love you guys. Yeah, that's not cool, babe. I hate Ro.

I find it all funny when your job is to take the piss out of everyone and then someone takes a piss and is like, well, that's not on. Yeah, I know. Whatever. Just everyone. It's a joke. It's a joke. Stop calling me out on my hypocrisy.

I just want to slide through life Not ever being picked up I take it all back Thank you Sorry everyone Sorry to drag you guys back Screaming and kicking from Koh Samui We had such a good time over there

And now you guys are Now it's all weird I had a wonderful time I remember loving being in the back of a ute That we were driving to like a beach on. That was really fun. Yeah. I was like, I'm living my life.

I'm going to swim from the channel here. Yeah, I felt very like this is what life's about. It's about. It's very classic Australian tourism where it's like, oh, we can just sit in the back of a ute and not have seatbelts. And, you know, this country allows us just to just be free. It's like it's not really the rules that are wrong in Australia. Like, it's just common sense.

Like, over there, that's a very bad thing to do. I know. But people, like, people are just more capable, though. Yeah. Like, it's like we've got rules here and then people become idiots because they don't have to, like, use their body and judge distances and shit. Yeah. Whereas if you, like, don't have rules, like, you learn how distances and shit. Yeah. Whereas if you're like don't have rules,

like you learn how to just be a bit more capable. I agree. If you die because you decided to get in the back of a ute and drive around real fast, sick. Yeah. Right. It's on you. Yeah, exactly.

It's not like you get in the back of a ute and you're like, this is safe. Yeah. It's cool. We've become too soft. Yeah. You can't say anything've become too soft. Yeah. You can't say anything anymore. What an embarrassing way to go out, though,

dying by falling out the back of a youth in Thailand. Dying in Thailand is so shame job. It is, isn't it? Yeah. You shouldn't even get to have a funeral. Dying because you're in Thailand for a a podcast it's like oh my god i do i that every time we've been over that's what really freaks me out the idea of doing a serious injury or a death i don't really care if i die anywhere else it wouldn't bother me but over there

it's like fuck that's an embarrassing the fact that like cliche way to go out and you bring you pissed on a scooter yeah real the real pissed on a scooter. The real news headline, the fact that that real news headline would read like a Batuta advocate, which is hilarious. One of the funniest things ever. They are funny. I don't know what I'm doing. But yeah, you're bringing your country down as well.

You're just contributing to the cliche. You're driving up future generations' insurance premiums when they go over. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Well, we're going back this year, and people are free to go and buy tickets and fly over and do all that sort of stuff.

It's a free country. It is a free... You can get in the back of a ute any time if you want. It's a freer country. Anyone's ute. Climb in. I mean, we say this is a free country. That's an even freer country.

What was the best night? The best night last year, 2018. Yeah, like what was it when did you have the most fun um it was all fun i mean we would do a show generally on the beach and then we would go and find a little bar that the performers only could could go to and then we would have our little fun times after that. I think it was all, to me, it was all a very fun blur. Totally. My favourite night was the first night. So we didn't do a show the first night. The night you didn't have to do anything?

Yeah. No, I think the night, the first night when it started. Oh, yeah. Seeing all that set up was pretty sick. Oh, I thought you meant, because maybe you weren't even there for the first time we did an opening party you got in late

I got in late I remember you got in on like the beach thing with the like reggae band yeah and I was like oh my god what have I done yeah I remember you saying that exact sentence

because it wasn't a show it was just a reggae band in the bar next door and everyone was off their fucking heads going mental and I have anxiety I always think

everyone hates me so I walked in and I thought everyone hated me yeah I always think everyone hates me. So I walked in and I thought everyone hated me. Yeah, I always think everyone hates my girlfriend. I know what you mean. Well, you don't have to think like that anymore. No. No, I can –

You can rest easy. Yeah. You're free. Yeah. Don't you feel free? You can really feel confident in yourself now that you don't have to worry about that. No, I feel nothing right now. So what was the first night the best night for you?

I just think I was just drunk and then got stoned and it was pretty fun. You did well on that first podcast too. Oh, yeah, it was pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like starting fifth tonight. I know. Well, come at me, bro. All right. What's up with these particular advocates? Well, who are some of your friends that we can make fun of? Oh, dude. We don't have enough time.

Who are some of your online satirical newspaper friends? Oh, your friends are the all the **** dudes. Do you know anyone at BuzzFeed or anything like that that we can start something with? No, I've got no one who could get us anything. Just the word **** is so pathetic. We could just wait for more inside, inside, inside comedy references in the No One Cares About.

Why does this feel worse than saying stuff about Roe? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you want me to disclose some saying stuff about Rover? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you want me to disclose some embarrassing thing about me? Please. Yes. I had scabies. Oh, really?

I've always wondered what scabies was. I don't even really know what it is. It's like bed bugs kind of shit, isn't it? They crawl under your skin, right? Yeah. I think I know where you got them from. Who? What?

Noxie's ex-girlfriend no huh why would i why would you think that we're introducing some so i assumed just say who it is on mic yeah no but that would be impossible because i just had like he lives in a different place to me. Yeah, okay, right. Well, I just thought that. We're talking about Rove again. I wish I knew what was going on. Scabies. What are scabies?

They're all itchy and shit, right? Man, it's the craziest itch you've ever had in your life. And they bury under your skin. You can see them crawling around, right? No, you can't. No, they're too microscopic. Oh, okay. So how do you get them?

You've got to put this psychotic cream. How do you get them? Oh, you just get this psychotic cream. How do you get them? Oh, you just get them from – usually you get it from people. Right. But there is rare cases – I think I know who that person was. Fuck, I'm not seeing that. Did you see an ad in the Batuta Advocate for them

and you ordered them online? Oh, my God. Shut up. That made it sound like you do not know what that is. That headline I saw, local bitch gets bed bugs. They've done it again. Yeah, it sounds a bit similar to something I read about in The Chase for a while back, but whatever.

Yeah, so scabies. Why does scabies sound the same as rabies? Sounds a bit similar to something I read about in The Chase for a while back. But whatever. Yeah, so scabies. Why does scabies sound the same as rabies? I know. It's so fucked. It needs a new name. Babies is also the same. Scabies, babies.

They're ferocious. And you've got to do like a big cream treatment. Yeah. And it's crazy. Like you go online and there's people who are like, they drove me crazy. They drove me and my wife apart. Oh, really?

They break up relationships. Yeah, because they're so persistent and it's so hard to get rid of them. A few years ago. Did your ex-girlfriend have scabies? No, she did not. She was lovely and clean. That was the grossest description of someone, but I was already into it. She's a clean girl.

She's so clean. No, yeah. someone but i was already into it she's a clean girl she's so clean um no yeah it's their their skate i've never had scabies but years and years ago i had a house that was fucked and had bed bugs for a period of time and it drove me mental yeah because the itch is oh well and because it's constant you're like it's always there and you feel like you're being followed and watched yeah do you know what i mean it feels like you're a spy yeah this may this is now making it sound like i had a bigger problem yeah it does because it's constantly there and you're like you're always thinking about like i have this fucked thing that's gross yeah and everyone's gonna find out yeah i feel like if i say it on a podcast time and i don't have the bed

bugs yeah this is years ago though i just want to point that Yeah. So what do you do to get rid of them? Do you have to, like, get rid of all your sheets and shit like that? That's the thing. You've got to, like, wash your sheets and shit. You've got to do everything. Oh, God. There's only one cure. Laundry.

Basic hygiene. Well, I guess I have these forever then. Because scabies, I always think, are pirates. Oh, yeah. Scabies is like a pirate thing. Excuse me Carl Yes No phones please

Sorry I forgot to put that in there In the little baggie we insist everyone puts their phones in Before we do our podcast It's like a Chris Rock concert Be in the moment guys We don't want any of this shit leaking Yeah so what do you do you get some cream Yeah so you have to like put your shoes in the freezer and shit.

You've got to wash all your clothes. Someone tricked you. You've got to do a backflip. You've got to take a picture of your pussy. You've got to give me 50 bucks. Oh, fuck. Are you scabey free at the moment? Yeah, I think so.

You're clean. How do you know though? Because where do you put the cream? Because can't they travel around your body? They love the hips. Dude, I guess I'm a scabey. These hips don't lie. That's what scabies.

You know what they say about scabies? I'm going to kill myself. Scabies, a moment on your lips a lifetime on your hips I'm gonna be when you guys leave and I'm in bed that's all I'm gonna be

every little minor tingle on my body I'm gonna be like I caught him off Becky I have them now that's the fuck thing about shit like scabies and bed bugs

and all those little fucking mites is that anything that happens to you a slight breeze you're like well this is it forever. Yeah.

It's everything. It takes over your life. Yeah, it really was like this insane like it's like Walking around with fucking cold shoes. But a bit of the freezing is slipping over because they're covered in ice. Like I say, everything that happens is like you're pale, you're vomiting up blood. It's like, oh, I bet I've got fucking scabies.

It's like your hair's falling out. Have you done that? Have you had that before where I've had that happen where someone goes, I don't know if we've ever talked about this before, but it rings a bell, like on a hot day someone will come in. I've seen this happen. Someone will come into someone else's house, take their shoes off and put them in their freezer.

I've never seen that. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's a thing. What do you mean someone will come into someone else's house and put their shoes in their freezer. I've never seen that. What are you talking about? That's a thing. What do you mean someone will come into someone else's house and put their shoes in the freezer? I've seen it happen. I've never seen it and we've never talked about it, so how dare you drag me into this?

Sorry. What do you mean? Bizarre hypothesis. I've seen that happen before. I've been in a mate's house. Rove McMaster. I've seen that happen where I thought it was Very startling Someone came in

On a hot day Wait where are you Where are you at this time I can't remember Like mentally To be telling this story I've got bed bugs So no

Someone's house I remember someone coming in And just taking off their shoes And it being a hot day Yeah And then just walking Into someone else's house And look

I find it rude enough When someone will walk in And just like Pick something out of Someone house. And look, I find it rude enough when someone will walk in and just pick something out of someone's shelf and you go, I need this or whatever. Someone grabbed their own shoes, walked in without a word and put them in the freezer and then whoever owned the house went, what the fuck did you just do?

And it's like, hey, it's a cold, it's a hot day and that's what you do. You cool down your shoes. I'm like, that is fucking insane. you didn't see this you heard her say that a few minutes ago and you've just invented a memory no no no no no that's true that's one of those behaviors of someone who has absolutely true it's just carl trying to be random again yeah he's such a random you ever seen it when someone comes into your house and they're like i'm'm a unicorn. But they,

they, I've, that thing of like when someone grows up with a certain thing that their family does. Yes. Yes. Yes. And they think it's normal.

And you go to their house and like, do you want some yogurt? Yeah. You're like, what do you fucking mean? Yogurt. Yeah. Fuck off.

Yeah. There's no way that I want yogurt. Why are you offering me that immediately? Yeah. Well, that's what we do in our family. Yeah. They're like,

you don't want yogurt. They kiss their it's not but like i found it so crazy because like in my house for example like someone comes in i go if you can take your shoes off if you want yeah if you can that'd be great to go from that to just chuck them in the fucking fridge where i keep my food that's crazy fuck insane But you were equating that before with someone just coming into someone's house and just, you know, taking a drink out of the fridge or something. At least they're not taking, you know. It might be ridiculous, but they're not getting

through any consumables. Yeah, but that's like saying, oh, look, they came in and they grabbed your Kit Kat, but, you know, that's better than taking a wank in your fucking toothpaste. Yeah. What do you mean I can't fuck your wife? But they're both good. It is better than that.

I'd just like to apologise to the ears of people who are listening. Yeah, Noxie. What's wrong with what I'm doing? Noxie equates volume with comedy. I'm sorry for everyone. I think it's funny. I think it's funny to be louder. Do you? Yeah. Do you? Yeah.

Yeah. Do you? Hira, I barely know her. You think you're Australia's Will Ferrell. Yeah. You just yell and it's funny. Yeah. That's true.

You don't even listen to comedy podcasts anymore. You listen to like serial killer podcasts, but turn it like way up to 10 and go, fuck, this is funny. I want that shit to make my earbuds bleed. This is so good. I got a ring in my ears and I can't get funny. I want that shit to make my earbuds bleed. This is so good. I've got a ring in my ears and I can't get enough. I'm fucking crying laughing.

Can we just do a short podcast and ask that the listeners turn the speed down? We'll put a disclaimer at the start. Say, hey guys, this is like a fun interactive... This is like Black Mirror Bandersnatch thing.

It's a magic guy podcast. And you've got to slow down the thing this is like a fun interactive this is like Black Mirror Bandersnatch thing it's like Bandersnatch you get to play along it's a magic guy podcast yeah and you've got to slow down the thing and then so then it'll go for a quiet amount of time

why did you want to leave early or something nah but I just think it's funny to keep asking if I can leave you think speeds is fun and then maybe it'll happen

then I'll get what I want there's so many people that listen to this at double speed that listen to their podcast at double speed. I know a lot of people who do that. Yeah. I wish I could talk to – why don't you guys do a call-in episode?

We've talked about it. Because I would love to do that. I'm bored of you guys, I feel like, talking to the listeners. Yeah. We should. We could try and – we could do that sometime. We could. Oh, yeah.

Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. The hotline's lit up. Hang on. Where's the button? Hang on. Hang on. The hotline's lit up. Hang on. Where's the button? Hang on. Where's the button?

Hang on. So I'm just trying to find the button to patch them in. Right. Hi, you've reached the Dumb Dumb Club. This is Becky Lucas. Where are the hosts? I know, but for now it's about me. Okay.

Am I on the air or not? Yeah, you're on the air. I'm on the air? Yeah, I'm Becky. Cool. Do you know me? Yeah. Tommy and Carla are here as well.

Oh, yeah. Tommy and Carla. Hey, Carla. Do you have a problem that. Tommy and Carla here as well, in case you want to talk to us. Hey, Carla. Do you have a problem that you'd like to include? Good day, Nickheads. Oh, nice. You're a listener. Yeah, yeah.

Good day, Nickheads. Becky. Yeah? Is this one of those people that is excited when a girl's on the podcast? I feel like it is. Yeah, let him speak. You don't know how to do any role play. I've got to actually leave soon as well.

Why? I've got a flight tomorrow. I'm flying to... So what's your name, caller? What's your name? Matthew. Matthew. Matthew.

Do you want to know my surname? No, no. I'll give you a while. Okay. You can tell us later. Anyway, why do you have to leave? Thanks for listening. Thanks for calling.

Becky. Yeah? I heard you were handcuffed to the table. How did you hear that? This hasn't even been released yet. Big fan. Yeah, no. Obviously big fan.

You've been on the forums. Oh, fuck, have I certainly gone live? Have you been on the Dumb Dumb forums? I've actually been following you, following on Instagram, and someone live, Adam actually went live because he's one of us, one of the- One of the men. Yeah, we're in the Dumb Dumb Sex Club.

I'm going to hang up now. Oh man, why'd that guy leave so early? I didn't even get to talk to him. What a beautiful thing. It sounds like he ran out of steam. Yeah, why did you get so shy, Adam? No, that was Matthew. Why did you get so shy? That guy had such a cool voice. I thought it was like I wanted to hear him talk. He was definitely on

the phone as you guys would have been able to see Adam was on the toilet. Yeah, I went off to the toilet. I go, shit out, Miss Gabies. Dumb Dumb Sex Club, that sounded interesting. I wish we had asked him a bit more about that. Hopefully he'll call back. Well, I would say hopefully not.

But anyway, that's just me. Oh, no. Wait, hang on. Speak of the devil. Speak of the person bad at improv. He's on the phone. Hey, Matthew. Hang on, hang on.

It could be anyone. I think it's Matthew. No, this is actually James. Hi, James. Hey, James. Hey, thanks for listening. Hey, no. How did you get into it? How did you find us?

Yeah, I'd like to order one Diavola, please. Oh, God. What a bizarre coincidence. Wow. Have I called through to the right number here? You sure have. No, I just want to get some za. Our calling number is one off Pizza Hut.

So this is on us. This is on us. So anyway. One, three, double one, 69. James, what's yours? James, I'm going to take a guess and guess that your favorite pizza flavor is Meat Lovers. Oh, dude. I fucking love meat. I'm a meat lover,

so yeah. Okay. I hope we get two in a row and this cunt hangs up pretty soon as well. Nah, I got all night, baby. This is one of those weird radio stations where we don't have a button on our end to hang up the call. I think we should put the control in the listener's hands.

Yeah, yeah, that's fine. We can just sit here for as long as this guy wants. How long can you hold down a cough button for? Can we hold it down for as long as this guy wants? Do you guys sell 10XL shirts? If you've got anything in the way of a rash vest, I would love that. Well, we were just talking about that. Were you really?

Yeah. Oh, cool. That's so weird for a pizza shop to be talking about that. Because I'm under the impression. James, are you coming to Koh Samui this year or what? Koh Samui? Yeah, we have a podcast. Do you listen or?

I'm a bit confused now. No, he's just a pizza guy. I listen to podcasts. Oh, right. Just not our ones? Like cereal and. Well, like I'm into Star Wars, so I listen to a podcast called Beep, Beep, Beep. Adam, where were you on that one?

Sorry, I just missed that one. What happened? We could have really used you. I don't have any headphones on. You have so much in common with that man. What were you chiming in on? I mean, that guy's shirt size was only one off you. You could have talked to him about that.

That dude was either a 10 or 13 XL. I cannot count. 10 or 12, I mean. 10 or 13. 10 or a 13. I did my best. Look, I did my best. I think that's good info to know.

You did your best. I think it's good info to know that you are an 11.5 XL shirt. It's hard to get them in half sizes. I have to go to Europe. Why? Are people fatter in Europe? No, they just have the half sizes for shoes, I think.

Oh, okay. Don't we have half sizes here? Honestly, we might. Yeah. It's so funny that Noxy has to go to Paris to get them. Hello, I would like to buy your fattest shirt, please. Did you get that in Samui?

You go to Samui and you order like a 2XL shirt and it's like a medium here. It's very, I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. Man, I guess it just depends the way you look at it. That's true of everything. It's like the Batuta advocate.

It's all about your perspective. Shut the fuck up. They're the best. I'm pro Batuta. I love Batuta. Well, I'm going to, like, if I had to choose. You don't have to. Well, don't make me, man, because you're not going to be happy.

I'm kidding. You know, the dum-dum took me in when no one else would and I'll always remember that. Oh, thank you. Dude, the dum-dum took me in when no one else would and I'll always remember that oh thank you that's pretty fair the dum-dum will put up with anything callers

call it in I wonder if there's any more of them ready to come through yeah let's find out I mean three you know there's a rule of comedy

you know the rule of three which would be good which also I think I didn't hear the phone I think the real rule is if you do three one's gotta be good

well hey look I reckon there's a good shot of I think I can hear the phone. I think the real rule is if you do three, one's got to be good. Well, hey, look, I reckon there's a good shot of that now. I can hear a phone. Tommy, hit that button. Hit the button, yeah. Hi. Welcome to Little Dumb Dumb Club. My name's Becky Lucas.

How can I help? I'm Bryce. Hey, Bryce. Oh, Bryce. How are you doing, Bryce? What's the call about today? I was just wondering when you guys are going to do another show at Geelong. Yeah, out in Geelong? We've got a lot of requests for Geelong.

But to be fair, we haven't been there once. Carl's ugly. Tommy's ugly. Jill's fat. Fuck. Oh, you've shit the bed, haven't you, Bryce? Yeah. Wait.

Good thing we've got a second phone line. Wait. Patch Bryce and whoever this is. Bryce and who's this? Who have we got a second phone line. Wait. Patch Bryce. Okay. Yeah. Bryce. Who's this? Who have we got now?

Hello. Hey, Bryce. You've got the Dumb Dumb Calling show that we've never announced. But yes, welcome. Who is this? Hey, Bryce. Sorry. Hey, Dumb Dumb Club.

Yeah. This is Jim. Yeah. Okay. Good Jim. Yeah. My name is Good Jim. What's up?

Hey, I'm on the air with the little Dumb Dumb Club and Bryce. Yeah. Actually, Grijim. Yeah, my name's Grijim. What's up? Hey, we're on the air with the little dum-dum club and Bryce. Yeah, actually, I heard Bryce. This is weird that three calls in a row have got the same voice as the one character voice Adam Knox has. But anyway, sure. Sorry, I have a bit of a cold today. Here's me real voice. This is me, Grijim.

Sorry for that voice I was doing before. Oh, you've got rid of the cold. Yeah, no, I've actually, I just popped a codgel and I put some cream on it. If you can chuck me shoes in the freezer and I'm feeling better. You want me to be louder? I think it's funnier. I know you're just a listener and you're not

in comedy itself, but you do have a certain quality that's good at comedy which is volume. Excuse me, wait, Bryce here. Apparently comedy's all about timing. Is that true, Bryce? It's also about jokes if anyone could wedge one in. Yeah, all right. Well, give us a fucking second, mate.

I'm wearing a half-size shirt. I'm from Europe. It's a little tight around my chest. I've got to fucking take some time to breathe and talk. No non-stop accidental callbacks from people that haven't heard anything on the show. It's just that I called up and I don't know why everyone's listening to Gregim.

Sorry, Bryce. Why did you have to say that? What's happening in Geelong tonight, Bryce? Nothing. Someone picked up a stick and then was going to show everyone. That's pretty cool. And then they didn't end up showing everyone? No, he got shy.

You out in Geelong, are you? Are you out in Geelong, Bryce? Hang on, save it for the Geelong advertiser or the Geelong advocate maybe. Someone nearly picked up a stick. What's that, Grigim? Well, I was just thinking, yeah, my name's Grigim. I just remembered that. It's quite funny.

A good character is always when they have to keep saying I'm and then the name of their character. Yeah, my name's Grigim. I just remembered that. It's quite funny. A good character is always when they have to keep saying I'm and then the name of their character. Yeah, I agree. That's interesting input, Bryce. No, I'm Becky. Oh, sorry, Becky. Oh, that's pretty funny, actually. You're funnier now that you've said your name again.

I just wanted to, again, I've forgotten slightly. Oh, yeah, you're in Geelong, are you, Bryce? I want to talk to Bryce. No, I'm going to go now. Oh, okay. We've got to get rid of some of these fun... I heard there were some Diavolas out in Geelong. We've got to get a button where we can dump the callers.

Yeah. Because it's getting a bit much. Even though I think it is a good element to the pod. I haven't talked for a little bit because that was shit. Yeah. We've never had talk back before and immediately we go into letting the listeners talk to each other. I think that was shit yeah yeah we've we've never had talk back before and immediately go into letting the listeners talk to each other i think that was like i just think i moved to it

needs to be tweaked a bit but i do think it's promising to all four of those calls i would say never call us again yes honestly i don't think you'll hear from grigim again i think well look i'd love it if i reckon all could turn up to a live show. All of those people I'm willing to bet. And you know what I know for a fact, because I've just read the news. I'm looking at the Batuta Advocate website right now. And I've read the latest news. They've all killed themselves.

So there's no chance of them coming back again. They're all dead. Breaking. There's no chance of that ever happening again. Their notes say, I regret doing that. Weird. What are they talking about? Right.

Good to have a happy ending on the end of stuff. Oh, well, that's wrapped up in a neat little bow. You guys are about a quarter of the way through, so just do three more of those little chunks, and then, Becky, you'll be able to head home. Oh, great. You'll be able to get straight from here to the plane. To the airport.

Happy ending. Very good shit. Happy ending. Speaking of Thailand. Oh. Did you get a happy ending very good shit happy ending speaking of Thailand oh did you get a happy ending in Thailand I did get a lot of massages did you

yeah but no happy ending no right is that a thing at the end of the massages every time they're like the dog actually dies

at the end yeah do girls wonder if that's a thing if girls go to Thailand for happy endings I don't know I don't think it's as big of a

yeah it's certainly not it's certainly not if girls go to Thailand for happy endings. I don't know. I don't think it's as big of a thing. Yeah, it's certainly not. It's certainly not if I haven't heard of it. How many? And I've been asking around. I mean, I've been reading The Samui Advocate for a long time. Do you reckon Dil got one? Because every time I saw him, he was running off to a massage. I would say Dil.

With a pep in his step. Not to speak ill of the dead. Cheat day. Beat day. That's how he lost all that weight. It's all just cum fluid that's gone out. Like one of those calls he just walked in and went, it's meat lover's day and you've got to love this meat.

But to me that's not, I mean, I get, it's just not relaxing knowing that that's coming, that interaction of having to be like, no, no, no, no, no. I guess that's why so many guys say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't like massages in general. I didn't go and get one day because massages stress me out. I get one every week if not two. Oh, really?

I love getting massages. That's why I'm such a chill, relaxed, calm person. But they calmed off. Yeah. I've got to leave. Sorry, that was so loud. Yeah. I don't reckon anyone will listen to this because it's too loud.

Yeah. Yeah, we'll have to talk. Can you turn it down? Yeah, I can just like Nox's channel. I can make it like a quarter of the volume. No, but don't do that to me. But in Samui, in Samui last time, I remember walking past because, you know, there's always people on the street showing like, you know,

prices of food or this and that, whatever it was. And someone came and I always thought. I reckon there's places showing prices of food in almost any street in the world. Okay. Well, maybe I wasn't there. Maybe this is somewhere else I was. But I was there and I always thought Samui is very wholesome and that sort of stuff doesn't happen. Are we calling it Sui? Because I call something else it was. But I was there and I always thought Samui's very wholesome and that sort of stuff doesn't happen.

Are we calling it Sui? Because I call something else Sui. I didn't say Sui. I said Samui. Oh, I thought you said Sui. What the fuck? It's a bad sign. It's a bad sign.

Oh, you call it Sui? Yeah, it's a fun way. I don't have enough time to say the full word because I have to bring it up a lot. Yeah. It's a fun way. Tommy Dastley just walked out of our podcast, which is a bad sign when one of the hosts walks out.

I walked out a few times earlier when those phone calls came through. Well, you weren't a host, though. No, that's true. Yeah, way to make your co-host feel supported, Tommy. What's he doing? He's plugging headphones in. He's changing over the headphones. Oh, why?

Because the other one's died. Oh, shit. So in Samui, I thought Samui was quite wholesome and people talk, you know, whenever I go there, people talk ill of it. Oh, you're going there and there's all this dodgy stuff happening. I'm like, I've never seen anything dodgy happen over there. And I went there.

Dodgiest thing I saw there was your podcast. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. I went past and someone was like, you know, showing a menu for a massage. And I was like, you know. I don't want the menu that made you kind of sad in a way. No, that's happy in a way. Finally, that penis is surrounded by everything it ever loved.

But it's in no position to enjoy it. No, but someone came up and went, oh, massage. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. And then the massages were so expensive. I was like, I'm not paying that much for a massage. Oh, hang on. That's not a massage. That's different.

Oh, that's a thing. Yeah, right. That's the actual thing. And then I was like, actually, to be fair, you are the first masseuse with amazingly big breast implants to actually ask for a massage. So, yeah, that is a thing. What? What? What I'm saying.

What are you saying? The flyer for the massage parlour. Had big tits. Yes. Yeah. And it wasn't until after this exchange that you noticed that? I don't see breasts. I'm fucking getting jacked off in a massage parlour being like,

there's something suspicious going on here. I don't see colour. I don't see breasts. That's me, you know. You're like Liam Neeson in that way. I went out there looking for a big titty. Some big titties to grab. I was so angry.

I went to a massage place once with Dil and got offered the... I thought you were just going to stop after you said got off. I didn't think erred was coming after that and yeah I said no and he'd recommended the place and then as we were walking out I was like because it was sort of 100% deal's been jacked off

I was like would he have been offered as well and I was like hey so because we just it was like 10 minutes after we'd left the place and I was like he hadn't brought it up yet and I was kind, he hadn't brought it up yet. Yeah. And I was kind of like... I think he had a little bit earlier.

The cunt can't resist a slice of pie. He's got the worst impulse control. Of all time. His mum used to give him spoonfuls of honey and shit. But he's changed now. Sure, I got jacked off by a stranger, but I ran 8K this morning, so that equals it out.

He's running to forget all the horrible things he did to women in Thailand. Just running between massage parlour to massage parlour. I hate that these are all four kilometres away from each other, but I've got to go to seven. I mean, sure, they're chasing me from one to the other, but they're still exercising. Well, this isn't what I wanted when I brought up an anecdote about my friend on this podcast.

We're all friends, mate. We're all friends. But, yeah, I was like, eventually I went, hey, so, yeah, got to the end of the massage and the lady off at the happy ending, did that happen to you? And he's like, oh, yeah, but, you know, I just didn't feel like it today. I was like, oh, okay, what a weird reason for saying no. It didn't really fit in with my schedule.

I'll miss days without lines. I don't have eight extra seconds. That's how quickly he'd come. Oh, they hung up really quickly. That's weird. A bit gun-shy there. I thought that might have been Dilring. That would have been interesting.

Imagine if he rang in. I think that would have been veryringian That would have been That would have been interesting Oh yeah Imagine if he rang in I think that would have been Very interesting Yeah But anyway Oh wow Hang on quick Before they can hang up again

Yep you're on the air You're on the little Dum Dum Club Yeah Hold on Just let me finish I'll talk to you after this Who's speaking?

I'm not quite sure what voice to do it could be anyone is it Darth Vader I'm not really sure who it is okay alright it sounds like

a Russian man no no this is me Dilruk oh wow yeah no it's me are you getting a happy ending right now?

I'm at sort of the happy two-thirds point right now. Hang on, they've just invented the button where we can dump the callers from our end. Oh, don't press the button. Should I hit it? Press it, press it, please. No, I might just leave it. Okay.

Okay, well. All right, let's go for this rule of four. This new comedy rule of rule of four. It's the rule of eight at this point. Yeah, the rule of let's go for this rule of four This new comedy rule of rule of four It's the rule of eight at this point Yeah The rule of let's keep going until one works Why don't we try that rule? That's funny, Carl

I'm very fat He hung up That's a shame That's great It sounds like he didn't even know where he was going with that. Yeah, that's a real shame. It sounds like he really did not enjoy having to do an accent. He shouldn't have called in there.

Probably. It's almost like he was pressured to call in, though. There was no pressure from Aaron. Were we all just happy for that not to happen? I think the only pressure that's happened is for someone to hang up. I'm glad you did it though. It's to me very fun. Yeah.

And funny. But I was worried about what you were going to do with the accent. But it's good that you settled on it. I was like a middle ground where it was like. What are you talking about? We just had a phone call. It was sort of. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. Yeah, right. Well, I think whoever just called in and they said it was Dil. The accent was at a point. Oh, you think it wasn't him? I don't think it was Dil. Well, I don't know if it was. said it was Dil. The accent was at a point. Oh, you think it wasn't him? I don't think it was Dil. Well, I don't know if it was. Maybe the real Dil will call in soon then.

I mean, I sure hope not. We've got another caller on the line. It sounds like there's another caller coming in. Okay. And caller, who is this? Hello? Yes. coming in. Okay. And caller, who is this? Hello, yes. This is a caller

coming in to a masseuse's hands. State your name, please. This is a show we need to know. Honestly, the accent,

it's not enough to be funny, but it's still enough to be offensive. Sure, who is this, please? My name is

Dilruk Jaisingha. Wow. Yeah, that's me. Is this the real one or is this an imitator? Because we had a fake one. I felt before. Someone's been pranking us. This is the real one.

It's me. I can tell because it sounds exactly the same as last time. Yeah, no. Well, thanks, because you're often a guest. And first time you've rung in. And where are you at the moment? I'm getting jacked off out of my source. That's what I am. That's what I do.

I'm eating a bucket of KFC. I'm allowed to today. A double cheat day. Yeah, it's a double cheat day. I'm cheating both on the food and the jacket. I didn't know you were Italian. Mama mia, this is a good hair job. I'm loving to get this wank.

Just like a mama used to make. Miko. Yeah, you're a real Sri Lanka Oh, man That's a pretty good name Thanks, Dale, for calling in That's fine Fifth time is a charm, as they say in comedy There's so many ice-cold cans of coke that we're going to have to give out

To all these great callers we've had this week Oh, God Oh, God. Great, because we had one good one at the end, which means we can stop. Well, Becky, you wanted us to do a 15-minute episode tonight, and once the editors get their hands on this, you've got your wish. Quick episode's a good episode. I've always said that.

I really wish we had it on the morning episode now, to be quite honest. Why? Because I feel like we're... I feel like after this episode we're kind of in mourning. A lot of death. I mean, it is technically the mourning now. Is it really? Has this been a bad episode?

I'm happy to let the listeners decide. I will say I've had a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah. I've had fun doing some really bad things though as well. So, you know, who knows? That's true, yeah. What's his name?

I have to say it's not what I thought we'd be doing in here for the last hour. No, no, I didn't either. Well, we can save that for another time. Are you serious? It's crazy that there was nothing else to talk about today. Are you an idiot? No, no, I'm not an idiot. I think I should be the one to say it.

No, no, no. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm going to let it call you. You're on the line. Daddy? I don't feel like we need to get into it. Oh, okay. This was...

I just wanted to give you a little bit of update. This is Dr. Grimm from the... Dr. Grimm. Dr. Grimm. I mean, Dr. Grimm. Dr. Grimm. This is Dr. Grim from the- Dr. Grim. Dr. Grigim, I mean. Dr. Grigim. This is Dr. Grigim from the hospital. Like the brother's Grim. Yeah, I do have a brother, but he's in jail.

What's his name? Anyway, we just want to let you know that, yeah, all the results have come back great. She's doing fantastically. So I hope that you- Who are you talking to? Me, Dad. Yeah. No, I just-? Me, Dad. Yeah.

No, I just, she's doing wonderfully. Congratulations. Goodbye. Oh, who was that? I don't know. I'm not a fucking doctor. But, you know, take it, take it how you want to take it. Yeah, take it how you want to take it.

Was that not clear what that was about? No. Well, then I'm going to... I'm never going to listen back to this. That's for fucking damn sure. All right, guys, should we wrap it up? Does that mean you listen to yourself on podcasts? Never.

I can't stand to. Yeah, me neither. I hate my voice. I can't believe anyone would ever listen to it. It's so crazy. The worst part of my week is listening back to this. This specific episode. No, fuck off.

It was fun. Yeah, this has been really fun. I reckon that people will like it. I think they can sense our joy to be. I think so. Is that another pizza? Let's pronounce joy division. Is that like Thirsty Merc?

Influenced by Thirsty Merc. It's like maybe Thirsty Merc isn't your favourite band but all your favourite bands were at a Thirsty Merc concert. True, true. Oh, nice. And they also should kill themselves as well. All right, let's wrap it up for another week, guys. If that's okay with you, Becky.

Yeah. Guys, it's been a great episode. Don't forget to like, subscribe, get your tickets. Tommy and Carl are both doing solo shows this year. We've got London, a second show has just gone on sale, so get your tickets. First one sold out really quickly. Wow.

This is great. What else? Oh, Thailand. Koh Samui. Tickets still available. If you sign up with a certain, I don't know what the code is, but you will get Ozo. Or Dum Dum. No.

Carl Sarks. No. Tommy Sarks. Getting closer. Tommy and Carl. Podcast 19. What? Podcast 19. Podcast 19.

Yep. Oh. Yeah. Oh, whatever. Sorry, it's not a cool password. So get your tickets for that, guys. It was an awesome time last year. So we really just want to recreate that again. Had awesome guests last year. Awesome guests last year.

We can't reveal who's coming this year, but be sure they are going to be great and you're going to get to swim around with them. Let's just say when can't reveal who's coming this year, but be sure they are going to be great and you're going to get to swim around with them. Let's just say when you find out who's coming, you're going to be like, what the? That's right. We've got Noxie's ex-girlfriend coming back this year. Noxie's not.

She can't believe what happened. Noxie, which of our projects would you like to plug? If you buy yourself a season pass for the Melbourne Comedy Festival live shows, then you get to come to all four of the regular live shows plus $5 just for entry to the drunk cast. You can come in there. It's not recorded. Anything could happen.

It's crazier than a regular episode. Call-ins. Who knows what will happen at the drunk cast. Maybe you'd like it if this episode was all right for you. Carl and Tommy are both doing a show called Adam Knox, My Compliments to the Jeff. Pretend my name is Jeff. That's happening at ACME at 9.45 every day during the festival.

That's in Melbourne. Tommy's in a sketch show called Chimp Cop as well. It's really funny. Coming along to that. I'm pretty sure Carl's in a show called Becky Lucas. Support Me. It's called Support Me. I wasn't sure if you were just being like,

why don't you remember the name of my show? Support Me. Yeah, the name of the show is Support Me, so come along to that. I've also got my own podcast with Cameron James called a bit of this and a bit of that where we are a little

we're free we're fun you know that bit of improv with Noxy is just a drop in the glass of hilarity it's just a fucking

piece of shit compared to what Becky and Cam are doing I wish we could muck around and be loose on this podcast

yeah you guys you guys are so serious. We've got these certain guidelines we have to adhere to. I'm going to just go into every segment. Yeah, the editorial policy on this show is a nightmare. I always forget to read because you guys give us both a script that we're supposed to memorise before we come on the podcast. Yeah, I've sounded like a cunt reading from that while you guys haven't been.

Yeah, I mean, you guys have, you know, you've missed about one or two words from what we gave you tonight. And it's a little bit upsetting because we spent a long time on that script tonight. I know, I know.

Yeah. If you get freestyle for one or two words, it's a little bit upsetting. We're control freaks. Oh, watch BYOB. It's on ABC IV, I think. Yeah.

If you haven't already. It's really funny. It is funny. I watch that. And you're in that show that I'm in that show Oh, okay, I didn't watch that one Oh, and me and Nox have a podcast called Filthy Casual

So listen to that I love that show, BYOB's Burgers It's a great cartoon show I guess that does sound a bit like Bob Especially when you spell it out like that That's the name of that show, BYOB's Burgers Oh, BYOB's Burgers Does that sound a bit like Bob? Especially when you spell it out like that. That's the name of that show, B.O.B.'s Burgers. Oh, B.O.B.'s Burgers.

That's in a way what I was saying. You B.Y.O. joke to that. I loved it. All right. See you, mate. See you, mate. Good night. Bye-bye, darlings.

And they've done it again. Have we? Yeah. I don't know. I'll trust you. Well, maybe this is where the clock resets. Right. This is the first time we've done something like this.

So this is, you know what I mean, this episode. So we've done it for the first time as of this one. Oh, okay. Right, right, right. Well, look, I'm just going to make sure that this Talking Dumb Dumb is an extra special great episode to make up for anyone who thinks that that episode was a bit wonky. Wonky can still be good. Wonky doesn't have to mean bad. Sometimes you get a shopping trolley and one of the wheels isn't working and you're like,

fuck, I'm loving this. Oh, yeah, yeah. That does happen a lot. Just banging into shelves, hitting kids like, how good is this? Sometimes that gives women orgasms, I hear. So, sure. Sometimes, you know, sometimes my brakes aren't working in my car. I'm swerving all over the road.

I'm causing damage. I'm fucking up. I'm giving myself whiplash. I'm like, God, I love this. Sometimes I evade Coles and Woolworths and I go straight into not quite right. And I pay more than I needed to. Yeah, you leave a tip. I like stuff that's not good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. More examples like this. Yeah. Hey, well, you know, you leave a tip. Just because I like stuff that's not good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. More examples like this. Yeah. Hey, well, you know, you can let us know what you think. It's interesting for us, a podcast that is already at best wonky, when even we're going, wow, this one's a bit off the rails, even by our standards.

Yeah, this one gives me a funny feeling in my tummy. So we'll see. But you know, whatever. We weathered Pablo Francisco and Steve Kramer. Bring it on. Yeah. We can take on anything. Yeah, look, I think it's funny.

Look, I'll be very interested to hear the reviews. As I said at the top and as I say in the episode, we had fun. Yeah. At the end of the day, it's four friends having fun. The scheduling of it changed at the end of the day it's four friends having fun uh the the scheduling of it changed at the last minute and we got together midnight on a saturday you three days after the birth of your daughter i mean the the content content waits for no man yeah you know we we had to do look i did my very best to record extra episodes after this to keep pushing this episode back.

And they fell through. Oh, that's – yeah, we should make that clear as well. We thought this was going to be the baby announcement episode. Yeah. Which is sort of what we're getting at at the end, which is what made it, I don't know, so funny that we did all that other bullshit. But I guess when you deal with people that – Here we go. What's the nice way of saying it?

So got their head so far up their own ass that they didn't even bother to ask me about the baby I just had three days later. That's what happens. Yeah. But good times. Millennials, hey? Yeah. Yeah, fun. I had a few drinks.

That was fun. Yeah. We all had a few drinks. Yeah, yeah. I know. few drinks. That was fun. Yeah. Yeah. We all had a few drinks. Yeah, yeah. I know. You can hear that. You then – did we say this on the show? That was like your last night at home before you had to get up in the morning

and go and pick up your wife from the hospital and you sat out on my balcony until 3 a.m. after we did this. And not only that, I then went home and watched Liverpool play a live game going, fuck, I hope they win because I don't want to go to London and watch a bunch of fucking losers. But we did win. So we're still in it. We're still in the race.

I enjoyed hanging out, but I was also like, man, I would absolutely not be doing this. I would have been straight out that door. Yeah. Well, all's well that ends well. It was fine. And like I said, Liverpool won. So cool. Yep.

That's what I'm fucking dreading, this London trip, going over there. The pressure's on, obviously, as well. But to go over there, I'm looking at prices for Liverpool tickets. Yep. And they're fucking sky high. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And to go over there and just, if we lose a bunch of games, you know, now and we're no longer in it by the time we get there, what a fucking waste of my time.

So, right, so it's the trip and then it's like you've bought the ticket to then this game that you potentially don't even want to go to. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also just the idea of I'm going to cop so much shit from everyone. It's like the only reason we're going is because of this. And then I get over there and go, well, cool. Glad I came all the way over to see us come fifth.

Fucking sweet. But do you have – are you able to be objective enough about it where you can sort of have a bit of an outside eye and go, I mean, fucking sweet. But do you have, are you able to be objective enough about it where you can sort of have a bit of an outside eye and go, I mean, the content, like the narrative arc of that is fucking unreal. It's hard. I would find it hard. Yes. I would find it hard to look beyond that and go, cool,

I'd rather do a shitty show and be happy. I'm aware. I would not have been putting it into the public domain if I was not aware of those, of how life works. But how are they going? As we speak, right now, as a live episode, as we speak, we are off the top of the ladder, but with a game in hand.

So if we win that game in hand, we're back to top. Okay, right. So you've got a couple of tough games coming up. It's going to be very interesting. But, look, I'm backing them. I don't care. All you online haters out there that have been trying to needle me, it doesn't work because I don't care what you think.

All right? Yeah. Like, man, I've been following this team forever. I'm positive about this team. Yeah. I'm really positive. I'm like, we can do it. We're a this team. I'm really positive. I'm like, we can do it. We're a great team.

And for people to get on there and try and post memes and GIFs and stuff, I don't care. I don't care about you fucking nerds out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop trying. I'm focused on my team. I'm not focused on whoever the fuck you are. Yeah.

All right? Yeah. So don't even think you're going to get near me. Boy, what's it like having someone online trying to needle you and make you feel angry? That's it. I'm not doing it anymore. I've learnt now.

Wow. I'm never doing it again. You heard it here first. Hang on. Just let me hit return on me calling someone a cunt and then I'll say that's it. And fuck you, mum. Right.

All right. We're done. I have had a big week of unsolicited online feedback and I am ready to just fucking throw my phone and computer into a river and just be done with it. What happened? Oh, just to, you know, sometimes you get into a good swing of things where you feel like you're not hearing that much

and you can just feel positive about what you do. Yeah. And then just coincidentally you'll have three in a row that you see in the one morning and it's just like the fact that they've all come one after the other even though they're not connected in any way it's just like fuck this why do anything yeah someone commented on a video of mine on youtube from six years ago going yeah this one feel a bit let down by this one oh buy a free video from six years ago who cares what you think?

Oh, I have to say, I've never looked at any of that stuff. I never, I never think to look at it. I, the thing that's annoying is that you get a notification from YouTube. That's like, I see notifications.

Oh, cool. And then I opened it. I mean, yeah, I mean, the answer is to just not look, but I'll go through stretches where I don't look.

Right. And then I'll get kind of tempted back in. And whenever I get tempted back in, invariably it's like, hey, someone going, hey, this isn't very good. Yeah, I just assume it's always going to say that. I know, yeah. I guess that's a sign for both of us to get better at comedy. That's the lesson here.

Yeah, this is someone running their own masterclass. They're like, I'm a teacher, I'm trying to help you. Yeah, that's, you know, all the greats. As soon as you get good at comedy, you don't get negative comments anymore. So that's the trick. I know. That is true. Yeah.

Yeah. If nothing, the internet is a fair and balanced beast. Yeah. Speaking of comedy, let's do some. Yeah. Like we said at the top of the show. I really tend to do too much of that in this package. Yeah.

Well, you could say some of it is comedy-esque. Like we said at the top of the show, we've got a lot of live shows coming up, guys. Come along. We'd love to see you. We have got Brisbane, Canberra, Melbourne, London, obviously. Yep. Third show on sale now. Yep.

Or very soon after this. Yep. When you hear this Wednesday London time And we have specifically, nearly specifically put this on sale For the people that, you know, we sort of put it on sale And told people online And then a lot of people listen and don't get so much online

Which fascinates me that you listen to podcasts But then don't get online Don't get on Facebook or anything like that But anyway, apparently that happens And hey, given what we were just talking about before yeah fine by me yeah yeah yeah just doing it old school just just driving past people in speeding cars hanging out the window going you 're a cunt like the old well every now and then someone will come up to me in public and talk about the pod and then i'll mention like oh yeah did you see this this thread or this comment in

the group and they're like no i'm not on any of that stuff. And it's like, wow, just someone IRL saying something nice to you, not being inspired to call you a cunt on the internet. I mean, those people are as rare as hen's teeth and God bless them. Yeah. So we're basically putting on a show primarily for those people that missed out. But then there are still- For all our Amish listeners. Yes.

Don't know how they're listening to this. For all the people that got born in the last week. Like my kid, my baby. Your daughter, yeah. My daughter missed out on tickets, so yeah, she's got them. Unfortunately, my wife tried to buy tickets for her and I said, I have a strict rule. No, you don't reserve.

You can't reserve tickets for people that don't exist yet. Interesting. It's a licensed venue. I'm not very good at the maths. Will she be 18 by the time we're over there? You know what? I didn't think of that. I think you're right.

I think she'll just miss out by 18 years and a couple of months. Interesting, yeah. Like I said, I'm not good at maths, so I'll have to take your word on that. Yeah. No, unfortunately, she won't be making the journey over. No. So that's going to be very fun and cool. But after that, if you've been hanging out for this news, Coastal Mill International Podcast Festival. You won't be making the journey over. No. So that's going to be very fun and cool.

But after that, if you've been hanging out for this news, Coastal Mill International Podcast Festival, I'm not sure if we mentioned that we're doing that, but we're going back one more time. We're doing it again, as they say in Thailand. Yep. We are going back over. We've got some guests lined up. Now, what we do have is we have an additional podcast

we're bringing over as part of us. Now, a lot of people have tried to guess online what that is going to be. Now, it is a popular Australian podcast. Who we are bringing over, who is going to be doing a bunch of live podcasts alongside us, equal on the bill at the Coastal Moor International Podcast, or maybe a little bit below because it's ours. It's our thing, yeah. Nepotism at play.

Exactly. Absolutely rigged. Yeah, unfortunately, yeah. Wawaani are starting up their own music festival and Coldplay are below them on the bill. So that's what's happening. I don't know who that is, but I like it a lot. Coldplay.

Oh, they're a popular band. Yeah, I don't know who Coldplay is. Yeah, well. You got me. You millennials. You got me banged a rights on that one. You millennials. Yeah.

Only looking forward, never looking back. I've got my head so far up my own arse that I've never heard of Coldplay. Man, live a little. Get that head out. Listen to the dulcet tunes of Chris Martin and co. I mean, it's the only place I'm safe is inside my own rectal cavity. You're hiding from YouTube comments. But the trolls can't get me.

If I'm just staring at myself in the mirror all day, there's no time for me to be affected by any online bullying. Well, if you put your head up your own ass, you'll never get any negative comments from anyone. So I think that's very safe. Oh, I'd still get negative comments from myself. Right. I reckon.

Just screaming into your own asshole. Just screaming into the void. You suck. This asshole is filthy. So we are bringing over to do a couple live podcasts the australian podcast do go on yeah yeah so if you listen to that uh if you're if it's a few crossover listeners if that gets you across the line that you'd like to come over and see those uh those guys as well yeah they'll be doing a bunch. We'll be doing a bunch. We'll be doing stand-up shows.

We've got some cool guests lined up. I mean, we've announced Brett Blake is coming back to complete the trifecta. Should we mention any of those? I mean, are we too worried that they're going to pull out? Because, I mean, sometimes people do that. I mean, it's happened to us before. Yeah.

You know who we can confirm? A first-time guest at the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Oh. Yeah. We can confirm this. Do I know this? Yes. First-time guest.

Yes. So we've confirmed. We've got one guest confirmed, Brett Blake. Second guest confirmed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Oliver Clark. Yes. Yeah.

Bringing a bit of Vegas to Koh Samui. Looking on his world tour, looking for those pants that someone shit in and took off with all those years ago. Just trying to get slowly closer to New Zealand and completely fucking it because I believe Samui might be further away than here. But yeah, very exciting. We have a bunch of other guests that are,

let's just err on the side of caution and not announce them quite yet, but some fan favorites. Some of our favorites are coming. Let's just not say in case they all of a sudden get a writing job with Dave Anthony and decide not to turn up. But yes, do go on. Very exciting to have them on board. Dave Warnicke, Jess Perkins, and Matt Stewart.

Check out their podcast if you haven't already to bone up before the big event. And what's going to happen over there? We're looking forward to it. We're looking forward to some gang fights over there between the Dumb Dumb listeners and the Do Go On listeners that come over off the back of theirs and don't know who we are. We're looking forward to having an all-in royal rumble with the three of them on the final night.

Yeah. Us two versus three. Two versus three. Yeah. I don't mind those odds. They're all right. I reckon the two of us could take the three of them. Yeah, I do too.

I think we're odds on favourite. I think we're $1.20 favourites. Yeah, I'll say that. Yeah. I'll put money on that. I mean, we'd fight dirty. That's the big difference. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. There's – We've got a lot of mongrel in us. Yes. I would have said another word but yeah it's uh i used to get you know i used to get accused of that when i played soccer as a kid like when i was like 15 16 17 i started playing like with uh uh like a senior team when i was like 16 and um they would specifically put me in training uh sort of specific bits of training

to sort of like rough me up and go, you're a good player, you just don't have enough content in you. Well, well, well. So this is like Batman going to train with the League of Shadows. This is where it all begins. I'm going to have to bash you now. But this literally, in trying to piece together the origin story, But this literally, in trying to piece together the origin story,

I think so far it's Rolf Harris saying no to signing an autograph when you met him at the train station. And then this. And I feel like there's one other thing you brought up once where I was like, this is, I think it's those three together are the things that really plant the seeds. Well, to be fair, I don't think they were saying mentally a cunt, but they were physically maybe. Right.

Yeah. But that was definitely a – if only they could see me now getting sent off every second week for Greg Larson's Rat World in indoor soccer. Yes. Yes. Cool. Anyway, yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com slash kosamui. If you want to come along, yeah, tickets on sale.

Get the deal through the Ozo Chuang Samui Resort or the sister resort, the Amari, using the code PODCAST19. That is where you can get the absolute best deal. Yeah, it's going to be heaps of fun. Very stoked to have those guys locked in and hope you guys are excited to watch them over there. Yep, for sure. And, of course, you're just getting more bang for your buck as well. stoked to have those guys locked in and hope you guys are excited to watch them over there yep for sure and of course you're just getting more bang for your buck um as well even if you don't know who those guys are at the moment um plenty of time to catch up yeah and uh even if you don't catch up you can just sit there and and watch the show anyway it's on before us or after us there's just

more content what's better than that exactly Yeah. And it also opens us to a few other little ideas that we are thinking about as well. So anyway, heaps of great stuff happening. Go to our website, see all the details. The password is podcast19 to get those discounted Ozo rates or Amari rates. You get a much better deal if you use the password. And of course, as we've mentioned as well, you can get a year-round discount with the beautiful Ozo and Amari if you use the password, I think, dumdum, isn't it? I think it's something like that. Oh, there's a different one for another time?

Yeah, there's a different one for another time. So if you're going to do that, hit us up. I should have looked up that before I said it, but I'm positive that we do have a year-round discount. So if you're going to do that, hit us up, give I'm positive that we do have a year-round discount. So if you're going to do that, hit us up, give us a message, or remember from a previous episode. Do that. Or just take a stab.

Yeah. Just mash some random keys and see if that pays off. Look, that will definitely get you the special 0% off. Yep. But you have a little bit of fun doing it. All right. So that's a fair bit of housekeeping happening there. London, we talked about London. I so that's a fair bit of housekeeping happening there london we talked

about london uh i think that's that's about it oh of course a tiny little mention of melbourne if you wanted your season passes go and get it right now as we speak uh you are going to run out of course that guarantees you entry into the drunk cast uh from now on after the next couple of days you will only be able to get individual tickets um and that does not guarantee you access into the the drunk cast so do all that stuff yep all right what next moving on moving on patreon patreon thank you to everyone who supports the show on patreon very much appreciated by us super appreciate you have uh yeah if this is one of your first times listening this is a you can get on there. You can support us.

We send out little rewards every month. We send out a bonus magazine. We send out a bonus episode. And we also read your name out. And we like to immortalize the people that keep this show going year round. This is kind of like you've chipped in money to a gallery or a museum and they've devoted a little wing to you, except much, much, much worse. Yes, like those walls that you see with names on bricks and stuff. That's what it's like.

Yeah. Yeah. So this is an audio version of your name on a brick, the highest compliment you can have, having your name on a dirty old fucking brick that you just see on the ground and just kick or just leave because no one wants a brick. A brick that some of you are then deciding to get online with

and metaphorically throw at our heads. Or you can use that brick to build a toilet and put our podcast in and take a big shit on it. Yes, all these options available to you at patreon.com slash littletumdumclub. So what we do, of course, every week, as you well fucking know, don't pretend you don't know, unless it's your first time listening,

in which let us know why you picked this episode to start listening, and will you ever listen again? We use the unplanned title alternator to randomly pick names at random to say thank you for your support over the time. It could be your first day on Patreon with us and the name comes up.

It definitely won't be. It's absolute. But no, it could be. It's absolutely random. It's not. Yeah, but it could be because it's absolutely random. Absolutely. Yeah.

No. Yeah, but it's random. Exactly. I agree with you. Yeah, but why do you keep saying no? Because you have no way of knowing that. Yeah. The only way you would know that is if you were picking them out yourself

and deciding who to read out. That's not the case. So it could be if you've just subscribed five minutes ago, it could be being read out right now. I've done nothing but agree with you. Yeah. Yes. Okay, great.

No. So, all right, let's do – I'm going to stop working there for a second. I don't think I missed anything important, though. Maybe you should edit that bit out that you're saying because that makes no sense. So, all right, let's do... If I can stop working there for a second. I don't think I missed anything important, though. Maybe you should edit that bit out that you're saying, because that makes no sense. So, anyway, right. Let's hit the big red button

on this absolutely fascinating piece of machinery. Honk. I've never heard of anyone else using this machine. Have you ever heard of this coming up in any other sphere of life? It's interesting, because it is... It's been sold to us as being a world famous brand. The unplanned title alternator. The UTA.

I listen to a lot of things where they read out people's names and I've never once heard or seen it used or referenced in any other thing that I've listened to. Is that good or bad? It works for us. We've got a bit of an exclusive. It's never read out the same name twice.

It's always we've got a bit of an exclusive. It's never read out the same name twice. Yes. Well, you're right. Wow. It's always absolutely random. So why isn't it more commonplace? I mean, podcast makers sometimes listen to other podcasts. So I'm surprised other people haven't listened to this and gone, we could use this for hours.

I mean, sure, it costs $3,000 a week. Yeah. I mean, you get what you pay for. A small price to pay, yeah. Yeah. But we get hit up by people about a lot of other things. Strange to never have gotten a single message going, hey, where did you buy your UTA from?

What's the best deal going around? Exactly. We get hit up and said, what sort of microphones do you use? We never get hit up about what sort of random name generator we use. Yeah. It's a funny old life, isn't it? Yeah. You've just got to laugh, don't you't you sometimes you have to laugh yeah i'm just glad we've both got the talent to sort of step back

from thing and see the you know see the light side yeah the light side of paying three thousand dollars a week to to have names that we already have jumbled up. I mean, being this far in the red financially to anyone else would be something of a, I don't know, a burden or an annoyance or something that they probably would have decided, hey, this isn't worth it, let's not do it. But, you know, us, we're fascinated by the rich tapestry that is life. We're able to step back and look at the fact that we're making a loss on reading out names.

And just have a good old chortle. Yeah, and just keep doing it. Yeah, have a good old chortle. Yeah. And just keep doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Because as we said, you have to laugh. Yeah. You either laugh or you kill yourself, you know?

Or you could do both. I wonder if you could do both. Could you laugh and kill yourself? Interesting. Chuckling away as you're jumping off the West Gate. You know when you hear about a chicken having its head cut off and it just still runs around for a little while? Yes. What if you could and it just still runs around for a little while? What if you could kill yourself and just still laugh for a little bit? For eternity.

Yeah, for eternity. Right. I don't know about that. So wait, like that thing where the body shits itself after it dies. Yeah. So it's just like if you start laughing, if you're laughing as you die, there's kind of a cool-down period where you're still laughing for like another half hour after it's just like if you if you start laughing if you're laughing as you die there's kind of a cool down period right where you're still laughing for like another half hour bro yeah the body's just kind of winding down yeah yeah that's pretty cool yeah and people are saying

oh no you're still laughing he's all right he can't be that bad no no no blood just everywhere eyes rolled back yeah sorry no we see this a lot we We see this a lot. That's the old rule. It's the old chicken with his head cut off rule. So many resources get wasted by us coming out here to check on people, but he's fine. He's loving it. Yeah. All right.

Okay. Speaking of killing yourself, thank you to Patreon subscriber number one for this week. Thank you to Steve Emery. Steve Emery. Any thoughts? Any initial gut reactions? I like Steve as a name, I have to say.

I'm positive with that one. Really? Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's pretty classic. It's pretty traditional. I thought it was going to be, I thought the last name was going to be the name of a popular airline. Oh. Just as you were saying it, I was like, his last name's going to be Emirates.

Well, I like this idea. I like this setting a precedent. I think for the rest of the episode, I'm going to say the first name, and then you can guess what the second name is. What airline the second name is. You can guess. You just had a strong feeling of what the surname was. Well, I think you should go with your gut from now on.

How about you tell me the first bit of the surname and then I'll try and get it. If it's multiple syllables, give me the first syllable or even just the first letter. Not so brave now. You can't just guess any name in the world. It's true. I am a coward. All those online comments are right. I'm a fucking big little baby.

I'm getting on YouTube right now to see your first ever gig and go, guess my last name, you cunt. Fucking idiot. That would be great if I filmed my first ever gig and I still had it on YouTube. Just subjecting myself to that. God, you'd have to have cojones. Man. That is fucking so brave.

I've got – maybe I should do this. I've got my first and second gigs. Wow. On VHS, I believe do this. I've got my first and second gigs. Wow. On VHS, I believe. Damn. Yeah, get it converted. Fuck. Look, the first one would definitely be amusing.

See, this is what. I need to make this happen. I don't know if you know, but I've got friends in the Avalanches. Oh, you want them to sample you? I've been trying to get them on the show for the entire history of this show. Yeah. Never been able to do it. Yeah.

Now, what I want to – I think they're – look, they're scared. They're running scared. They think the sharp rapier tongue of Carl Chandler is going to rip them apart. I don't blame them for thinking that. Sure. They think this is like a current affair, like gotcha journalism where you're just going to sandbag them with it. Because you would know,

you've known them since, anyone who's known you since you were a kid. It's like there's a bit of trepidation. Yes, and especially when you, this is not going to be a serious talk. We're not going to get on them and ask them. Where they get their ideas. I would insist on asking that.

Well, yeah, that's a good one. Give them a soft ball to just like, lull them into Where they get their ideas. Yes. I would insist on asking that. Well, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a good one. Give them a softball to just like lull them into a false sense of security. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were at my first two gigs. Great. So I'd love – and honestly, I've got stories about them that I've never told that are good stories and I've never told them because I'm saving them for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I'm like, you guys get to come on and tell those fuck stories. Yeah, right. And they won't come on. And what's the statute of limitations? Like, at what point are you just going to give up and release those stories? Yeah, it's a good question. I really believe I can get at least one of them on. Yeah.

And I need them to come on eventually and have something up their sleeve. One of them, the one that I've met a bunch of times, he seems keen. Yeah, but he seems keen. But then I go, all right, let's do it. Oh, I'm a bit busy. Yeah, okay. Interesting. I think he's a bit scared of the other one maybe.

Who knows? There's something holding him back. I can completely understand not wanting to do it unless both of you are in. Yeah. Yeah. I nearly got one of them to come to Samui. I saw him the other night. I hadui and he was i saw him the other night i had a very big night out with him yeah and i we got to the point of the night where he started

going yeah this coast samui thing sounds good maybe i'll come over again like yeah well you didn't come last year so anyway um but so are you that off the back of you saying about having the gigs on vhs are you saying you wouldn't want you saying about having the gigs on VHS, are you saying you wouldn't want to put them out until after you've told that story? No. Is part of it in the VHS? No. Yes.

Part of it is? In the second one. Okay. But I can convert – the first one's got no real stories to it. It's just got roll gold comedy. Okay. And I can put that out. You know what you could do?

We could do a Patreon app where you could get it converted and we'll put the audio on a Patreon app and then we'll review it. God. That'd be pretty fun. That would be good to break down each joke, actually. Yeah. We could review each joke. And people, I reckon people would subscribe off the back of that.

Yeah. That would be a fucking landmark Patreon. Because it's like a five-minute set. Yeah. And we can- At Raw Comedy? Yeah, Raw Comedy. And at the- Who's the MC?-minute set. Yeah. At Royal Comedy? Yeah, Royal Comedy. And at the Evelyn Hotel in Fitzroy in Melbourne.

The emcee was the fabulous friend of the show, Adam Richard. Yeah, we would have talked about that. Yeah, we would have. Because I'm sure we've talked about it because I remember going up to him and not realising at the end that people that deal... Yes. And trying to... No.

Dressed up as a woman to try and seduce him. Yeah. Bugs Bunny style. Big red lipstick. My ears tucked under a wig. Yep. My little tail popping out from the cocktail dress. Massive fake tits.

Calling myself Bugzina. No, but the natural thing for those sort of open mic competitions is like for people to come up and complain and go, how come fucking this? And I remember going up to him and going, just going to talk to him and him just going, oh, fuck. Yeah. Great. But I wasn't complaining.

But anyway. Thanks, Steve. Thanks, Steve. Thanks, Steve Emery. Thanks, Emirates. Yeah, all right. Well, here we go. Okay, yeah.

Let's have it. Number two. Number two this week. Let's go, fucking Patreon Nostradamus. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Sky Kidman. No, idiot. Fuck. How could I get that wrong?

I gave it to you on a plate. You fucking moron. What is it then? Sky Kilby Oh, I was so close Sky Kilby Kilby, okay It's like That sounds almost like suicide

Sky Kilby It's like That's sort of like Some sort of I don't know, like another language trying to say you jumped out of a plane and died. Right. Sky Kilby.

Oh, so the sky factors in as well. You know what I weirdly enough was thinking about the other day, and this is very strange that this popped into my head, that you told me ages ago that you, was it a friend you had at school that referred to beating off as having a kill yes yes yeah for about a year people in my year was like saying oh having a kill like all right you know that thing where people just start saying it yeah oh yeah okay yeah yeah yeah all right that's that's the word for it is it it's it's annoying

to me how firmly that's lodged in my brain to the point where any time I like see a thing in a movie about like someone killing someone or like in a video game, it's like kills at the end of a thing. It's like all I can, like I was watching John Wick the other night and he kills a lot of people. It's like, yeah, I killed him and all I could think about was 15 year old you beating off. It's ruined my life. If I could men in black myself and just get one thing out of my brain,

it would be that. If you could Sky Kilby yourself. Yes, yes. If I could Sky Kilby some brain cells. It is. Now, I guess the thought behind that is you're killing potential alive sperm by doing that, by masturbating? I suppose.

I mean, not that heaps of thought needs to go into something describing wanking when you're 15. It is just an absolute animal instinct. Yeah. It truly is. But I guess if you've got to try and figure out where that started, I guess that would be it. Yeah. It's like a mass evacuation of potential life that you're killing by exposing them to oxygen. Yeah, I guess.

I guess that would be it. But I feel like it almost just seems like it's completely random. Right. Like it could have been any word. Just whoever came up with that, it's like. If anyone went to school and that was anywhere else. Yeah, I wonder if that spread. Was that anywhere else?

Yeah. I don't know if it was. You know those things. Did you ever have those things where you go, you think they're universal and then you find out absolutely not at all yes yes at school yes i think there was a the kid that would venture out you guys ever do this and everyone no oh man let me tell you this one time we were um on a footy trip and i say footy trip very loosely because it was a soccer trip so i think we won, I think we may have won the grand final and we went for a soccer end of season trip.

And on the way, and at varying ages of people, anywhere from bloody, you know, like 16 to 40 something. Oh, God, this is, this sounds great. It was great. It was great. No, I mean this story. Yeah. We went to... No, I mean this story. Yeah. We went to –

Given what we were talking about. Yeah, I was at school and I was on a trip with a bunch of 40-year-olds. We were in – I think we went to Phillip Island or something like that. Something like that. And we came back. And, you know, nice little bonding exercise. You know, we're all mucking around. We're all going to the pub together, having a drink. We're camping. You know, we're all mucking around. We're all going to the pub together, having a drink.

We're camping. You know, we're closer as a team. Oh, we're all great. And we're celebrating winning this title that we hadn't won in forever. Oh, couldn't be any closer. Oh, no, Carl. On the way back. Oh, no.

On the way back, this kid, he would have been 17, I think. He goes, hey, you know when you have, you know, like a wank and then you come and then you like taste it and you put some of it in your mouth and we're like, thank you. It's a long trip home from Phillip Island, but I think we can fill in the gaps. Oh, man. Fuck, what was that guy thinking?

What was that person thinking? My God. 17. But it does, I guess it just really speaks to the limited experience that you have at that age where you're just not exposed to much, where you go, I guess this could be universal. Yeah. I suppose this, what do I know about the world? Yeah, yeah.

I've only been doing this for like a year. Yeah. So who knows? And then just starts wedging it into a, setting it up like it's a Jerry Seinfeld routine. That's great. That would be funny if Seinfeld all of a sudden just started working blue. Oh, yeah. After all this time, he's like, what's the deal with eating your own car?

Yeah, yeah. What's the deal with anal? If you're anal, if you're really anal about something, you're probably not going to be into anal. If you're anal, if you're cleaning up your house all the time, if you don't like mess, what do you want with a dick up your ass? That truly would be so fucking good if he just turned around tomorrow. That's a good bit right then.

That is a good bit. If he just turned around and announced Seinfeld goes blue, a tour, how fucking amazing would that be? Because it's like he – I don't get why he doesn't. Because it's like he's a guy who has been doing it for so long and he's like – seems like he's about sort of you've got to keep writing new material and challenging yourself. What greater challenge than by this deep into your career

is changing what you do? Talking about fucking pedophilia and just all sorts of just absolutely blue, horrific shit up there. Yeah. No, but he's – look, I don't think he's going to do it. I know. I think we could do it. I think we could do it. Just what?

Do a show, Seinfeld goes blue. Yeah. Man, I'm doing a couple of gigs coming up where I'm not allowed to swear and it's 20 minutes and nothing makes you – Have your parents booked you to perform in their lounge room? At their birthday. Nothing makes you more acutely aware of how much you are using swearing as a crutch than having to go through it and go, oh, yeah,

this bit just absolutely relies on me saying cunt at the end yeah like it there's just no chance like i guess i could try what a great joke where it just needs cunt in it yeah i mean i guess i could try doing this at some gigs with the swearing removed but it's like it's too far gone 10 years ago like you honestly i mean in america you you can't say that on stage yeah here you can now it's just been's too far gone. Ten years ago, like you honestly, I mean, in America, you can't say that on stage. Yeah. Here you can now. It's just been, you know, we've lowered our tones in society in Australia.

You can say, people say it every night on stage. But ten years ago, you weren't able to do it. So imagine if you wrote this joke you're talking about. Sorry, but it just doesn't work without me yelling the word cunt into the microphone. So ten years ago, you wrote it and went, nah, people are not ready for this yet. This joke's not going to work until cunt is an acceptable word. Or it's like I am trying it back then, and even like the clubs,

there were clubs and gigs that were legitimately like you would get banned if you said it. They would say to you like, say whatever you want, but just don't say that word. So you're doing it at one of them, and they're like, I know we've got the rule, but yeah i see your point yeah that joke neat that is a fucking masterful joke that's it relies 100 on

that word yeah it is funny and it is clever yeah the ban is lifted just for you and just for that oh right what about this if in samui like we do it we do a stand-up show. What about that? We bust out a new character. No. Blue Seinfeld. Blue Seinfeld does the set. Okay. Not bad. I love that idea. Yeah.

All right. Fuck. Lock that in. One more thing to do. Yeah. Fuck. As soon as the words left my lips. Thanks, Sky Kilby.

Thanks, Kilby. Thanks for creating Blue Seinfeld. Blue Seinfeld. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jamie Burrows. Oh, I would have guessed that. I would have definitely guessed that. What would you have given me out of interest? Where would you have cut it off?

Jamie Burr. Jamie Bolstein. No, wrong. Is what I would have guessed. Wrong. Absolutely wrong. Just trying to be honest. Yeah, thank you. No, wrong. Is what I would have guessed. Wrong. Absolutely wrong. Just trying to be honest. Yeah, thank you.

I appreciate it. What was your guess? Bolstein. Bolstein. Bolstein. Bolstein. Fuck. I'm going to look that up to see if that even exists.

There's no chance. Bolstein. B-U-L. No, no. B-O-L. B-O-L. Absolutely not. Bolstein.

Bolstein. It's not bad. It's not a bad name that I've just invented. Blue Bolstein. I'm going to call my kid that. If this doesn't exist, hands off. Dr. Mark Bolstein. Really?

Who lives in Montgomeryville, PA. Ah, well, we've got to get him in. We've got to travel to Pennsylvania to interview this man. M. Joel Bolstein, named as one of the leading environmental attorneys in Pennsylvania. Oh, there's a few Bolsteins in Pennsylvania. Fucking hell. Wow, I've struck gold here. Rebecca Bolstein.

Bolstein name meaning. Yeah. And we love that sort of stuff, don't we? Well, one of us does. Yeah. One of us doesn't really care too much. Where is the Bolstein family from? It is from New York.

Isn't that interesting? The Big Apple. Yeah. Home of Seinfeld. Yes. Here we go. What did the Bolstein ancestors do for a living? We're really looking into the name of someone who isn't subscribing at all.

Really getting the money worth is is is what is it? Jamie Burrows. Sorry Jamie. You've got to email a link to this to that doctor you found on there.

Was it Virginia? Pennsylvania? Yes. And say hey dude your name checked on this. Yeah. Guess what?

In 1880 the most common Bolstein occupation in the United States of America was glazier. Ah. 100% of Bolsteins were glaziers.

100%. That's what it says here, which gives me a big old feeling that there was only one Bolstein back then. What exactly is a glazier? Is that something to do with glass? Absolutely. They will replace your windows. Ah, okay, right. So the first person, the first Bolstein

to get out of the family business and go, you know what? I'm not going to be a glazier. I'm going to be a comedian and I'm only going to work blue. You can't. The Bolstein's famous glaziers along with the O'Briens. You may know one of them, windscreens.

So you thought the fucking Noxie and Becky bit was bad I did I liked it Oh no you're right I was talking to the audience then I was talking to the audience Bolstein Jamie Burrows Bolstein Okay Jamie Burrows

Yeah Went to school with a Burrows I'm conflicted Went to school with a Person with last name Burrows Didn't think too much A bit of a liar Bit of a liar.

A bit of a big liar. A bit of a liar. He would tell me. What do you lie about, eating cum? He would tell me. I think we were about 14 or something, and he would tell me the classic lie about golf. I went out and shot 72 or whatever. I'm like, no, you fucking didn't. You're a kid, you idiot.

And I would see you play golf, and you weren't that good. But don't you think it's funny how much of just like part and parcel of being a kid was just lying? Just everyone lies. Every class there's at least five of you that are just talking absolute shit about. The greatest one I always liked was people lying about what their dads did. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a fucking great one. And then like something just clicking in your brain where it's like, oh, yeah, this is actually really uncool to do, to just absolutely make stuff up wholesale. I wonder if that's as common these days where you can just Google it. Because back then, it was the bloody Wild West. You couldn't look up anything. You couldn't fact-check anything.

Oh, right. Someone just Googling someone else's dad to see if they actually do work for Nintendo or whatever. Yeah. Gary Bolstein comes in and goes, my dad's an astronaut. Well, what do you do? All you can do is sort of wait until he leaves and goes, I bet that's bullshit.

And that's all you can do. Did you – I'm trying to think if I ever made shit up at school. I don't think I did. I think I was too paranoid about being found out. Nah. Because it's like if somehow the fact checkers in your class found out that you'd made that up, your life wouldn't be worth it. No, I wasn't a liar because I liked that thing of finding out

when other people have lied too much. Yeah, interesting. I'm like, oh, I don't want that to happen to me. Yeah. It's too funny to find out someone just absolutely – yeah, I'm torn. Burrows, so that guy was lying about his golf game. Yeah, there's a guy, there's another Burrows

that was part of the last Liverpool Championship winning team. So a bit conflicted. Oh, you're very torn. Okay. Yeah, real 50-50 there. Was he really or did he make it up though? Oh, well, you know what? I didn't see it with my own eyes.

Yeah, interesting. Okay, I'm going to have to look this up. Bombshell. Thanks, Jamie Burrows. Thanks, Jamie. Or Bolstein. All right, back on track. Yeah. Thank have to look this up. Bombshell. Thanks, Jamie Burrows. Thanks, Jamie. Or Bolstein. All right, back on track.

Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Anna. Anna. Anna Mason. Oh, fuck. No. Oh. But if you had have shut up. That's so amazing that I didn't get it.

If you had have fucking held your tongue, you idiot. It was Anna May. Oh, that is pretty insane. Well, you know what? I really thought you'd done it. I'm going to go back and edit out me saying son because I haven't edited out enough of this week's episode. Great.

Great. Just so you can win this. And then you look insane. Yeah. Then you insert your impression of me and you're just going, congratulations, you did it. That would be pretty funny to do sit here and record this with you and then instead of uploading it i just record an hour of me talking to myself right doing you as a character that i'm doing right and put it online and just just see how long it takes you to find out that

that's what i've done an entire episode. Oh, I'm Carl. I'm a fucking idiot today. Oh, anyway, I'm going to read out five names. Oh, Carl, please don't. Is that an impression of me? Yeah. What do I say that?

The doing five thing. Yeah. No, but I'm saying I'd make it ridiculous. I'd make you do something that you've never done before. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd make it like kind of parody. Right. Okay. Yeah, because that's that weird thing. do something that you've never done before. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd make it like kind of parody. Right, okay.

Yeah, because that's that weird thing. Because normally I don't care how many we do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so in my version, I'm lampooning you. It's funny to have you do the opposite, which is care very strictly about doing the exact same number every week. Yeah, because I was going to say, sometimes when someone does an impression of you,

you go, oh, is that how I sound? But like with that, I'm like, are they the words I say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I don't mind the intonation, but like the content, I'm like, do I say that? Okay, all right, whatever. I can't, you know, other people are better judges than me. Yeah, they're the ones listening to me.

I often don't listen to myself. Yes, yes. You do have big noise cancelling earmuffs at all times while you're talking so i get you to take notes during the show just because i've got no idea what i'm saying and i want to make sure i don't say it again yeah exactly yeah i mean god forbid we ever yeah do the same thing twice on the show no so um but adam at anna anna may yeah Anna? Anna May. Yeah, Anna May. I'm a big fan of – I bought some silk Tasmanian devil – Oh, here we go. Yep, yep.

Tasmanian devil boxer shorts from one of her relatives. Granny. What, her mum? No. Or above that. Shout out to your grandmother and all the – Very, very nice. Novelties in her stores.

Actually, you know what? I saw a band on the weekend called Little May. Now, I wonder if their name is meant to be like, they're like the granddaughter of Granny May. Oh. In the same family. I wonder if it's the daughter of famous podcast listener and Patreon subscriber Anna May.

Maybe. Yeah. Wait. Anna May. Yeah. Wait. Anime. Yeah. Oh! Is this fucking... Have they got us again?

Is this fucking Goku from Dragon Ball Z subscribing under an alias? Is this a giant devil's dick getting sucked off by some tiny Japanese woman? Yes. Yes. Yes. Have they fucking got us? Much like an octopus crawling up a woman's vagina, money is going into our bank account. Have they fucking got us?

I don't know what's better. If someone has pranked us with that as a fake name or if that's legitimately someone's name. Yeah. Because I have to say, if this is an actual real life girl whose name is anime oh my god even sight unseen without seeing a picture i've never been more turned on in my entire life man i gotta be honest i might leave my current girlfriend yeah a japanese love pillow for this girl if that's the case for you for me that's like calling yourself hot chick you know that's that's your name yeah

are you looking up i'm looking her up right god damn oh man it's real well look it's there would be a lot of them out there you can't really you can't really prove anything i'm just going onto their their patreon site and uh, there's bad news for you. In their profile picture, they have another boy kissing them. Interesting. But what I do find interesting, that could be an old pic, Tommy. You could be still a chance, maybe. But what I do, what is also up your alley is their email address.

Okay. I won't read out the entire. I won't read out the entire email address, but I'll read out some of it. But the start of it is Anna Rules. Anna Rules. I like that. Yeah. And then some more information at blah, blah, blah, whatever.

Right. So she's backing herself. She's really backing herself. Yeah. What's the guy look like? Let's see. Big spiky hair, wearing a bandana. No, he's a...

Samurai sword slung over the shoulder. He's a demon. Okay. Yeah. Right. He's a demon with a 10-foot dick. I mean, when we were saying, is this a prank? Why would that be a prank?

I don't know. You know how we're always talking would that be a prank? Like, it's not. You know how we're always talking about anime on this show? Well, you're into it. I'm not really into it, though. I'm into Japan. Right. And I'm into, I am interested. I've never fully gone in on it.

Have you ever? Because I feel like there's no coming back from, you know, really going hard on it. You have to go and get a big trench coat. Yeah. And that's it. Yeah. Have you ever? And you have to go and get a big trench coat. Yeah. And that's it. Yeah. Have you ever, and you have to buy a sword, have you ever jacked off to anime?

No. You sure? Yeah. Okay. Well, I trust you. Yeah. I really hope you could tell me the truth to something like this. Something as important as this.

I'm trying to think, what's the most embarrassing thing that I've beaten off to? Are you now going to look up anime and jack off to no her boyfriend no no i find that side of japanese culture to be absolutely horrific really the weird sexualizing of things i was talking to you i was talking to you the other day i went in on lost in translation the other oh yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some troublesome aspects that I can see if it was released today, people would be like, we no like you this one. Yeah. I've been meaning to rewatch it for ages because I hear that a lot.

And it's been so long since I've watched it that I can't remember any of it. Yeah. So it's not even people saying, oh, this bit. I don't even go, oh, yeah, I remember that. You know what I mean? It is completely gone from my memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still a good movie.

It's, I did, you know, I'm a big one for watching movies and then not watching them again for 10 years. Yeah. I don't go back in on it. So in my head, I'm like, top five, top five movies of all time in my head. And I watched it again and went, I might have to reevaluate that one. Right. It's number one with a bulletvaluate that one right it's number

one with a bullet yes now that it's aged poorly yes now that now there's bill murray's just running around with a painted yellow face i'm like nothing could top this what if this is the citizen kane of our time what if they remade lost in translation but as an anime that would that kind of even the score it's like you, they do like a Japanese take on it, but it's from the other side. So it's just showing him as like this fucking dumb Westerner and all the Japanese people in it look great. And it's just them shitting all over Bill Murray.

What if they reboot it and they have a Japanese person going to New York and pointing out how foolish they are with what they do? Not bad. Not bad. It's probably some form of movie that exists in some capacity. I would, yeah, I would love that. I would absolutely. It's like Crocodile Dundee 2.

That's basically what that movie was. Or no. No, three, isn't it? No. The one where he goes to LA? There's one more. Wait. No, hang on.

He goes there in number one. What are we talking about? I've never, how about this? I've never seen a Crocodile Dundee movie. Really? That's like saying you've never sung the national anthem. It's a little before my time and you reach an age where it's like, well, why would I bother watching this now?

It would be fun to watch for you, I think. Really? I think it's worth your while. Yeah. Okay. Number one. Because you never hear anyone go, oh, really hot. You know what I mean?

No. It's never like you've got to see it. It was a thing of its time. It was like, it's like people aren't coming up to you going, man, you've got to fucking check out the Rubik's Cube. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's not an amazing thing to come across now.

What do you think is the oldest movie that is still relevant, that you could recommend beyond just like you know like pacing wise and content wise and well okay my one would be we had to watch this at uni and so i was 19 and i was like here we go this will be fucking boring and then i absolutely loved it citizen kane i did not expect to lie. I'd never seen it before. And you know you're that age where you're like, anything black and white is automatically bad.

Yeah. And halfway through I was like, this is fucking great. Now it may have been because I felt like I was watching a clip show of The Simpsons. Yeah, right. Because how much stuff is referenced in it? Tommy Daslow, big call. Thought that what's universally thought of as the greatest movie of all time was pretty good.

I really liked it. It's a bit of a hot take. Yeah, I really liked it. But I think you can watch that now and still go, this is great. Without having to cut at the slack of going, oh, but, you know, for the time. I believe I went in on a lot of movies when I was at uni and I don't remember having a great fondness for it. I did think it was a bit slow and a bit whatever.

Maybe another part of it was we were in a big lecture theatre so we were watching it on a big screen. That was good. And also we had this lecturer who was missing a finger and he would use an overhead projector and he would point at things on the projections but with the stump that he was missing. And even just seeing it in silhouette,

it's like this is a fucking nightmare. This is horrific. Ghost finger. Yeah. So maybe it was just the fact that like, oh God, a bit of reprieve from the little nub, the little silhouette nub. The world's saddest shadow puppet.

Yeah. Thanks, anime. Thanks, anime. Thanks, anime. Anime. Anime. And you must have copped that. You must have copped that a lot.

Surely, anime. Let us know. Yeah. All right. We have actually got an appointment to go to. We do. Should we say what we're doing? Okay.

Yeah. Hopefully. Was it the last time we were there that ended up being some pretty good content for us? Yeah. Or have we been since then? Anyway, look, hopefully lightning strikes again. We're going to Rockpool with Milan. Famous restaurant, Neil Perry's Rockpool.

Yeah. A famous place for not paying its workers fairly, but good steak, good vegetables. So we're going there. Milan absolutely loves it. I went to a place the other day that is known for not paying its staff very well. A certain TV chef whose chain of restaurants are always coming under fire for not paying people properly. That's nearly all of them. And I walked in and the staff there were being, I walked in on them going, God, I hope no one else comes in today.

Oh yeah, hey, yeah, good. You know, sort of giving an attitude. And then as they're cooking, they're going, oh, fucking hell, we could have closed up if this guy wasn't in here. Oh, really? And then the food came out and it tasted so much better just knowing that those guys are not getting paid i was like this this actually tastes fucking sweet yeah i am wrapped about this experience now i feel like we do our bit because whenever we go we go with milan and milan tips good yes

so totally yep uh people are getting paid when we're there not by us but by milan yep people may remember from uh yeah a few months ago now. We got in trouble for being too loud, too boisterous. And a guy looked like he was going to punch Tommy in the head. He was very menacingly looming above you and acting very, very aggressively. Yeah. He sort of singled me out as the ringleader, which like, what a fucking dud call. But also a fucking dud call.

But also a coward because he's looked at the two of you and gone, all right, I'll take on the little pipsqueak. Now, I was singing an offensive parody of the national anthem at the time at full volume. That sounds like an exaggeration. That sounds like what can I think of that would be the worst thing to do? Nope. But that's literally what Tommy was doing. do, but that's literally what Tommy was doing.

You couldn't make it up, folks. And look, as a great man once said, you have to laugh. Yeah. Just denigrating the national anthem somehow and being on a date with his wife and paying top dollar for steak. Absolutely. This looked like their first kind of time out of the house in a long time. Kids are in the equation, all that sort of stuff. And the wife wasn't even giving it one of those ones where,

oh, no, stop it, Barry. Oh, don't. No, don't do that. And then when we were apologizing, no, it's all right. She was just like, yep. Let me ask you this. If that had been one of those situations where he had just gone for it and King hit me or Coward punched me, sorry, and then I end up,

I'm a vegetable. And friends, my family, they're asking you, what was happening? Would you protect my honour and take that to the grave with you? Or would you go, this is pretty funny, I should let this out? I don't know which I'd prefer, to be honest. Yeah, I can't imagine. I'd love to just give the actual lyrics of what you were singing. Exactly.

I think I'd be, if I was in that position, I'd be okay with you telling people, as long as on the condition that you could remember all of the lyrics and you then sang it to them. If not, I'd remember you keep it to yourself. Because like your parents in the hospital room just walking out going, but what would have provoked this man? I don't know.

To punch your son to death. What do you mean you don't know? You were sitting at the same table. I'd rather not say Mr. and Mrs. A. I'm sorry. I know you're hurting right now, but I'd prefer not to use those words. Curb your enthusiasm. It's tough. New life support.

Maybe, Mr. Ray, maybe when you're a bit older one day. Oh, man. Maybe on the next Samui trip. Maybe. After a few beers, I'll let you know. Just thinking about it, I reckon Dad would be into it. Oh, God. All right.

Anyway, hey, look. That's where we're going. We need to go. I'm actually getting texted by Milan saying, where are you? When are you coming? Because we're due there. What time is it? We're due there in half an hour.

Oh, well, it's down the street. Okay. Anyway, yeah, let's do it. Okay. One more. One more. Let's do the same trick again. Okay.

You've got to guess the surname. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mr. Mr. Cartwright. No. Wrong. I'll give you five more guesses.

Okay. Mr. That's all you're giving me? Yeah. Okay. Mr. Mr. Cooper.

Cooper. Let me check. What are you checking? It's right in front of you. Sorry. Let me check. What are you checking? It's right in front of you. Sorry, I got lost. Is this Anna May? Have we done that one? Yeah.

Have we done Jamie Burrows? Yeah. Have we done Sky Kilby? Yeah. Have we done Steve Emery? Yeah. You're just going backwards. Oh, sorry.

Okay. Sorry, I'll go back again. Have we done Steve Emery? Yes. Have we done Sky Kilby? Yes. Jamie Burrows? Yes.

Anna May? Anna Mae? What? Manga. Mr. Cooper. Hanging with. No. No.

Okay. I have three more guesses. Yes. Okay. Use them wisely. Mr. Kerr. Mr. Crenshaw. No.

Okay. It's not Mr. Kerr Crenshaw. Mr. Kerr. I said Kerr. So it's not like. Ker... Mr. Krenshaw. No. Okay. It's not Mr. Kerrenshaw. Mr. Der. I said Ker. So it's not like... Ker. Yeah. Oh.

Ker. Ker. Yeah. So it's Ker. Well, it's sort of like that. Okay. Mr. Kermedy. I need to...

I need to go back again. I need to... We've done anime. We've done... I feel like I need an adjudicator on this done anime. We've done Kilby. I feel like I need an adjudicator on this one. Because this is one of those bits where on Sailor Century you go. Oh, right. Because weirdly, that's close.

I don't think it's. Close, but no cigar. I don't think I can give it to you. It's close. Okay. It's close. It's so close. I wish I could show you how close it was.

Right. Yeah. So, what? So, I have another guess. Do I have two how close it was. Right. Yeah. So what? So I have another guess. Do I have two more left? Yes. Okay. Kermity was close.

Kermit. Mr. Kermit? No. Mr. Kermit. No. One more. You've got one more. Mr. Kermit has not subscribed to our podcast.

No, Tommy. It ain't easy being bad at comedy. Comedy. It's an interesting word. Okay, one more guess. One more, Tommy. One more. Then we can go to dinner.

Okay. Mr. Cunt. No. I did it. It's the punchline that relies on the word. Now, you've got to hand it to me. That one wouldn't have been funny if I hadn't have said that word specifically. You're right.

You're right. He's done it again. You're right. You're right. Anyway, sorry. But the answer is, thank you to Patreon subscriber Mr. Crenshaw. So, sorry about that. You got it.

I did get it right. What? Mr. Crenshaw. No, no, no. Yeah. It wasn't Kermody. It was Crenshaw. It was C. Crenshaw. No, no, no. Yeah, it wasn't Kermit. It was Crenshaw. It was Crenshaw.

Okay. Oh, well, that's new. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Mr. Crenshaw. Thank you. Thanks once again for listening to the show. Shout out to the guy who listens to these on the rowing machine, by the way.

Oh, yeah. We haven't talked about that yet, but I hope you're enjoying this one, buddy. He stays on the rowing machine until the episode is done. And I and i gotta say he was looking a little doughy the last time he posted a photo so let's just do another 30 minutes right now let's just leave the mics on and go to dinner episode upload 18 hours yeah your your aircon will just fill in the next couple of hours fuck let's do that one day to just fuck him over. Big time. You know when you have those secret tracks on albums and you just have like 30 minutes of nothing and then at the end you just go.

Or when you had to rewind, you had to go to track one and then rewind and go back. Yeah. Pretty cool stuff. All right. Thanks, guys. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all the tickets, all the stuff we have on sale coming up. Get your tickets to London. Get your tickets to Koh Samui, Melbourne, Brisbane, Canberra.

Looking forward to all of those. Great. Bye. See you, mates. See you, mates.