The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 440 - Mike Goldstein & Oliver Clark

Episode Date: March 12, 2019

This week it's the velvet pipes of OLIVER CLARK and the co-host of Phone Hacks MIKE GOLDSTEIN! We hear about Chandler's paranoia about being pranked on Mike's show, Tommy uncovers some traumatic childhood memories, there's been some discussion about us on some online forums PLUS we look into earwax candling!Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up:BRISBANE! You guys are awesome so we're coming back. March 17, 4pm.CANBERRA! We're back for one night only. March 23, 5pm. MELBOURNE! We're doing another month of huge shows at the Comedy Festival. Saturday March 30, April 6, April 13 & April 20, 4:30pm.We're also doing an extra show: Late Night Dum Dum. Friday April 5, 11:55pm. LONDON! Third and final show is now on sale! Saturday May 4, 3:15pm.KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16. SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm. NEWCASTLE! We're heading your way for the first time. Don't blow it! July 28, 5pm. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Mike Goldstein and Oliver Clarke. First of all though, we've got to let you know, live dates coming up all over the country and the world. March the 17th we are in Brisbane, then the next week, March the 23rd, Big Live Podcast in Canberra. That's going to be awesome. And then... Straight after that, we're in Melbourne for four weeks. We've got March the 30th, we've got March the 5th at midnight. April 6th. April 6th. April 5th, April 6th.

Then April 13th and April 20th. And then the drunk cast on April the 21st. Then we head over to London. May the 4th is the only podcast we have over there that has tickets left, and there are not many, so get on to it. Then June 11th until 16th, the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival on the island of Koh Samui, Thailand. It's a podcast.

It's stand-up. It's all happening on the beach. Then July the 27th, Big Life Podcast and Stand-Up Shows in Sydney. July the 28th in Newcastle. Yeah, wow, and I think that's it at the moment. So if you're not on that list of towns, we don't like you.

We've also got our solo shows happening. My show, Balding Cherub, is happening in Canberra on March the 23rd at 9.30pm. Then it starts on March the 31st in Melbourne and runs until April the 21st as well as May the 6th in London. It's a brand new hour of stand-up for me. It's going to be heaps of fun. Working really hard on it, So come check all of that out And then my show

If you want to see my show It is in Melbourne March 30, April 6, April 13, April 20 It is straight after the live podcast That we're doing in the same venue You can just go downstairs to it It's called Carl Chandler One Man Comedy Factory And it's only $12

And it is super loose. And I've got a bunch of stupid little things planned for it, but it's not a straight hour of one-liners like usual. But, yeah, very much in the same genre as the podcast. So you'll enjoy that. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to all of that stuff. Enjoy this episode with Mike Goldstein and Oliver Clark. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy, the Meatball Dassolo. Sitting across from me, the other half of the show, Carl the Chan Man Chando. Hey, dickhead. I'm glad you've embraced it. Good. You're fully transitioning into Meatball. I'm leaning in.

I brought it up. I forgot all about it. And now, after a girl came up to me at a bar and screamed it at me, that's made me realize I've got to lean into this nickname. As soon as a girl says it to you at a bar, it's like, fuck, all right. A girl who then tried to bully me for wearing an Apple Watch made me think, you know what? It's time to embrace this nickname that got given to me, I don't know, 20 years ago or something? Yeah.

That I was filthy about. So now you're going to watch, of course, I guess you're just wearing that Apple Watch all the time anyway. So you're just embracing whatever she's noticed about you at a bar. Yeah. Well, yeah, I'm not going to get rid of the Apple Watch just because someone bullies me about it. I mean, if I discarded everything that I've ever worn and been bullied about, I'd be walking around with a fucking barrel around me

like I've lost all my money. Did this person also bag you about wearing Birkenstocks, by the way? Well, let's introduce our two guests for today. What a rude person to talk over us having a private conversation. I wasn't sure whether to chime in, but I just had to. Yeah, at least bully me about the shorts if you're going to hop in like that. Joining us today, we have Mike Goldstein and Oliver Clark. Thank you.

Thanks for having me again. Mike Goldstein, as heard on the podcast Phone Hacks, and Oliver Clark, as to be seen shortly at the Coastal Mill International Podcast Festival. We're looking at the Birkenstocks. The Birkenstocks. Yeah, which you I got into recently, and you're a big fan. I'm a big fan. You kind of pushed me.

I came back this year with the Birkenstocks thinking, I'll give them a go because I don't like sandal sandals. Thongs are sometimes not as upmarket. I'm off thongs. I like them still, but I do it when I'm not wearing Birkenstocks. Interesting. But I got bagged for my Birkenstocks by a Dum Dum fan, funnily enough. Oh, really?

Yes. That's like our person. And where do they get off? You're using someone's fashion sense. So it was actually at your pop-up shop. Oh, yeah. A couple of them would just go on there. We had a little retail store a couple of months ago in Fitzroy.

That's right. It was a big win, wasn't it, that store? It was great. Great stuff. The cops loved it. The cops did love it, yes. So what's wrong with Birkenstocks? Because they're kind of hippie.

I think maybe they were a bit. I reckon they were a bit. They went through a naff phase probably about five years ago or something. They were a trend that people were accused of kind of hopping onto, I guess. Right, exactly. But I like them. They're comfy. Are they as bad as Crocs?

Do they have the same connotation, I think? Not at all. The only bad thing about them is when you wear them too long because they've got the leather undersole. You get those Birkin feet happening. Have you had that there? No, what's that mean? It's a real stink.

Oh, disgusting. Sweat on leather. Well, I wore slides for a bit and ooh wee. What are slides? Slides are like just the little cover that's like all the way over. And you slide right in. It's a flat sole but just like one strap over the top. One big strap, yeah.

I'd add it as ones with the stripes. An urban slipper. And you wear them all day in the summer. Stink? A smell that before you own And you wear them all day in the summer. Stink? A smell that before you own them, you've never smelt in your life. You're in your room going, what the fuck is that? I've never smelt anything like that before. Hang on, you're talking to someone who does a podcast with Nick Capper. That was, that's what, I thought I'd smelt it all.

That is, yeah, yeah. It covers most smells. Yeah. But the meatball thing is like, so 20 years ago, you were given that nickname. Obviously, you guys have talked about it before, but my brother had the same nickname. Meatball, because he was a fat child. That was the reason. But Tommy, why did you get the nickname?

It was because I was saying to a friend, I was trying to get my middle name going as a nickname. I was trying to start calling myself Howard. I was trying to go by Howie. And nothing guarantees that it's not going to take off like you deciding that that's going to be my nickname. But it must have been a fight because, to be honest, Howie's a fucked nickname. Like, they must have been, people must have been tempted to go,

sure, okay, let's go with this one. We'll let you have it. Because this is, for some reason, this guy wants us to throw rocks at him. But it must have killed them because it's like, it's so shit, but it's like, he wants it, so we just can't do it. Yeah, exactly. He's cut us off in the past. Yeah, you're too desperate for it.

That's what it is. Exactly. It's that whole Costanza thing. It must have seemed like a trap, because it's like, why does he want us to flush his head down the toilet? Is there chocolate in the toilet? Call me dumb cunt from now on, guys. But then one day I was talking to a friend and just offhandedly I went,

you know what's real good? The meatball sub at Subway. He was like, that's it, your meatball. Just trapped by an offhand comment. But I also was a chubby kid, but that had nothing to do with it. Nothing to do with it. I mean, maybe that helped. They were like, there's a lot going on you know it's a whole package so meatball stuck though for years no it didn't i just it didn't we're trying to make it

re-stick now all right yeah it thankfully it didn't stick there was like a week and then my friends got bored of it but then i brought it up on the pod recently right and then now it's sticking i should let that friend of mine know he lives lives in London. I'm going to catch up with him. That's why I'm going over to tell him in person. I quite like the idea of your name being Meatball just because it makes me feel like I know someone in a frat house.

Yeah, we'll do a beer pong tournament at the next iPod. I thought it might be like an Italian thing, like you're going to embrace your Italian heritage. Does he look Italian? One made-up Italian name isn't enough. But maybe that's because that's long before me getting into comedy

and coming up with this fucked fake name. Right. So maybe the meatball thing kind of planted the seed. Right. Maybe that's the genesis of it. I was pushing back against it, but deep down I was like, this actually does feel pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very natural. Speaking of embarrassing things like that. Speaking of the mother country. Yes. No, no, no. We won't talk about it. You tell. But, oh, no.

You know what? Fuck it, we will. I've got this actually as well. Because it was in America. It was National Meatball Day on Saturday. Yeah, right. They have a public holiday devoted to it. Right.

Yeah. So I don't know if you've heard about this, Dastla, but I have a child now. Mm-hmm. So, things are slightly different. My parents came down to visit the other weekend, come down for the first time. They're still up in Maribor,

choosing to live up there in the middle of a very dry 60-acre farm, which could go up at any second. But at least there's a payoff of going into Maribor every now and then that really makes it worthwhile

fuck me what a treat I'm trying to get them to move they own a beach house why don't you just move to the beach house makes no sense

nah it's a little bit it's like 2 degrees colder in winter cool well you get to hang out with fucking cows for 6 months

in Maribor now instead of hanging out at the beach. Fuck. Do they reach an age, I think, where the logic switch just flips in their head just overnight? It's like whatever the thing is that makes sense, no, the opposite. Yeah, and also it's like now trying to teach them to live in Melbourne

would be like going, hey, do you want to play Nintendo? No, I've turned off that part of the brain. They can learn new things. Well, you've taught them, though, how to come down on the train. Yes, they have learned that. So they've got a bit of spongy brain left, right? Yes. They've got that muscle memory of knowing how to get on a vehicle

that only goes in one direction and stops at the end of the line, and they know how to sit on that for two hours and then get off it. How old are your parents? 70. Okay. Well, surely the grandchild is more enticement for them to... Yeah. Well, before this, I didn't even try because I was like, well, you're not coming.

Like, they think it's, you know, they think it's too busy and, you know, everything's going on. Like, you know, they don't even live in Maryborough. Maryborough is a bit too quick, an 8,000-person town. In 10-plus years, they've seen you do, like, two comedy gigs, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of them was in the town of Maryborough. Yeah, yeah,000 person town. In 10 plus years, they've seen you do like two comedy gigs, right? Yeah. And one of them was in the town of Maryborough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

This all makes complete sense to me, to be honest. Oh, totally. Yeah. I mean, they don't want to see the grandchild. They don't want to see Chandler. You stay out in Maryborough.

That's what you do. You should send the kid up on the train and they come down and just meet it halfway and send it back to you. Because how many times a week do you call on your folks? I call them nearly every day.

How many times do they call you? Never. Absolutely never. The writing's on the wall. Absolutely never. Take the hint, man. They're just not that into you. Man, if I was to leave it for like a week

and they think something's wrong then, my mum will text me rather than read it. Wow. I just find that so weird. It's pretty crazy. Yeah. Anyway, so they came down to visit the grandchild, and they're very excited about that.

But I decided, you know, because it's like that thing where I was talking to my wife's mum, to my… Mother-in-law? I was thinking, what is it? Is it stepmother? No, it's not that one. Jesus Christ. I've never had to say that word before,

I think. But back in the day, that's the comic sort of ad-lib, the mother-in-law. Yeah, yeah. Do you call her mom? No. That's a weird thing.

Yeah. People do that. Well, maybe it's more of an American thing, but calling your mother-in-law mom is huge in the States. Right. But then it's weird because then you're basically married to your sister.

Yeah, yeah. Which is cool as well. I've said this before, which is why I've said to my wife, don't change your last name to Chandler because it feels like you're related. Which is weird. You know in Hawaii, every woman that's older than you you've got to call auntie.

Did you know about this? Isn't there? There's heaps of cultures where they do that. Yeah. Isn't there? Well, I don't know. I only found this out when I was in Hawaii last time. Yeah.

And she's like, yeah, any woman that's older than you, you call auntie. But isn't that very presumptuous? Wouldn't you? Ladies then be like going, don't you call me auntie. I'm not older than you. I don't mind that. When I was in Singapore, like the hawker halls and stuff, a lot of them, they'll have like a separate line for old people.

And it's like, just the respect. You know what I mean? It's not, it's just a bit easier for you to get your noodles. Well, what about this, coming from the American front, Mike, what did you call your grandmother on either side? Dad's mom, Nana. Yeah. Mom's mom, Grannyana yeah mom's mom granny who's sri lankan sri lankan mom's mom yeah so that was yeah just granny granny okay so that's interesting though because you know it's not just like a cut and dried thing it's like you make a choice yes to

what you you call your grandmother on either side yeah so um are you having that dilemma yeah well not the dilemma i worked it out i just decided really you assigned it yeah yeah i've assigned it interesting i've assigned my mom as being called nonna to my to my child all right awesome i love it but i find it very funny yeah yes so there's that's italian isn't it yeah so there are but there is an italian side yes and you're pipping them at the post. Yes. So now they're asking, why is this happening?

We're the Italian side. And I say, because it's funny. Imagine being you. Right. And then what's... So then my mum's like, isn't that Italian?

I'm like, it's whatever. Who cares? And she doesn't care? She's fine with it? Now she's sort of going, all Italian? I'm like, it's whatever. Who cares? She doesn't care? She's fine with it? Now she's sort of going, all right, well, I guess it's your kid, so you're going to have the most access to it, so I guess you're the one teaching it words, so all right.

I mean, if I've taught us anything, it's that their culture is just open source. Yeah. You know? It's royalty free. Yeah. So it's like meatball. I'm enforcing this nickname upon my mother. Interesting.

And then what about your dad? What's he get? Papu? Papu. Is that what it is? Papu's Greek. Or is that Greek? Yeah.

I haven't thought that far ahead. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. What's Italian grandpa? Nonna and Papa? Papa?

Papa. Papa. Papa Giuseppe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's got to be that. Right. Okay. Yeah. So that's, yeah, that's, I'm saying to my mother-in-law, yeah, yeah. So it's got to be that. Right. Okay. Yeah, so that's... Yeah, that's...

I'm saying to my mother-in-law, yeah, it's funny. She's like, I don't understand why that's funny. I'm like, oh, well... It's a comedian thing. Yeah, you wouldn't get it. You wouldn't understand,

but that's your name, so... That'll be the first test of whether the kid has the comedy gene or not. You know, when they're old enough for you to explain it. If they get it, it's like, all right, I've got a good one here. Yeah, yeah. And if they're just like, Dad, you're a cunt. It's like, I don't know, also pretty good.

Yeah, you know, that's a good point. Maybe set the stopwatch now and figure out at what stage she gets the joke. Yeah. Like eight, nine years old. Why am I calling theralian person i've ever met in honor i remember gotcha i remember being in primary school and being in library class one day and like our teacher doing a thing of like who like what do you call your grandparents to everyone in the class and so she'd go grandma and grandpa and if you put your hand to everyone in the class? And so she'd go, grandma and grandpa.

And if you put your hand up, then you could go to lunch. And so she goes through. But I had really weird nicknames for my grandparents. So by the end of it, it was just me sitting there and her just going through the most obscure ones she could think of. And it's like everyone's out at lunch. I can just see all my friends outside playing. And I'm going, can you just let me go?

Because it's made up. You're not going to get it. She's like, no, no, I'll get it. She's just great. Grand fucky. Poppy bum bum sticks. Kermit. Old meatball.

Nanny dick, big dick. Just me, please let me go. It's one of my most traumatising memories of childhood, just being able to see my friends outside the window just eating, going, yeah, I exist. So when i was a little kid i got on really well with my grandpa whose name was doug and so i started when i was like a really little kid and just starting to talk i just started calling him doug and my parents are like that's so weird for you to just be calling him by his first name so they were trying to get me to call him grandpa

and i refused so my dad was like, what about a compromise? Grand Doug. Right. So half-half, and that weaned me off it. So until he died, I still just called him Grand Doug, this name that was invented to trick a child into saying the right word. So the librarian's like, no, no, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it. I'm like, you are not going to get it. Why did they let you know his name was Doug to start with?

I don't know. I just overheard them, people using his name. Right. What do you mean? Big parents should keep the name of the grandparent from you? Well, I don't know whether they actually went up to a baby and said, well, this is Doug. Fuck.

I mean, pop. And you've gone, I heard that. Yeah. You really do have to be careful what you say around them. Things really stick. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, instead of you worrying about the word cunt. Oh, I said the D word in front of Tommy again.

Well, the grandma was grand cunt, wasn't she? Yeah, dad really teeing off about the mother-in-law. Stuck in my head. Mike, you do a podcast with a friend of the show. Nicholas Capper. Nicholas Capper. Oh, very formal. Yes. You mentioned poisonous friend of the show. Nicholas Capper. Nicholas Capper. Very formal. Yes.

Before mentioned poisonous gas of the show, Nick Capper. We have a small studio with no ventilation. It is a... Oh, you have a studio? Yeah, yeah. With no ventilation. Perfect for you guys. No ventilation.

It is brutal. I get like Auschwitz flashbacks every time. You wish you had that happy ending. You wish they gave you a bar of soap when you walked in. Perfect. That is perfect. Oh, wow. The most brutal joke coming out of maybe the nicest guy we've ever had on the show.

The most golden voice as well. So you have a podcast called Phone Hacks. Yes. Which plenty of our listeners listen to as well, where you grab someone's phone, a comedian's phone, go through their stuff, and put something on social media

and sort of try and make it... What's the goal? To sort of just get feedback of making someone look dumb? Yeah, well, it's not even dumb. It's almost, I guess, people feel dumb if they fall for the pranks that go out. For example, what's the example? Well, so we had Dave O'Neill announce that he was going to be on Celebrity Biggest Loser,

and hundreds of people bought it and showed their support. And it's the responses where people are earnest that are the best for us, because that means it's worked. People haven't seen through it at all. That means that's funny that people think Dave O'Neill is fat to go on TV. Oh, yeah. It's a roundabout way of bullying and fat shaming. It's perfect.

I was waiting last week for any comedians that we know to just have a Facebook status that said, like, George Pell, innocent. Oh, yeah. The phone tax boys of Dave O'Neill. We didn't record last week. Yeah, right. The phone hacks boys have done. I know. We didn't record last week. Yeah, right. Otherwise, we would have been all over. Exactly.

This week you've got some sweet Michael Jackson stuff lined up. So much Michael Jackson stuff. It's actually funny that you bring that up because that documentary. Neverland, more like Alwaysland. That documentary was just on Channel 10 or whatever. And I've had so many people send me a photo of one of the guys on it, one of the victims, because apparently I look like this dude. Right.

So people from the States, people from here, they're all sending me pictures of this dude going, is this you? You'd phone hacked a documentary called Fighting Neverland. It's a huge prank photoshopped your head on a child abuse i went full method i actually got fingered by mj so were any of them was it all people just going this guy looks like you and that's wild or was there anyone in the mix going legitimately was this you yeah I've been jokingly saying that. I don't think anyone was convinced, you know?

And I was like, fuck, look at this guy's profile now. I wish. Well, man, you know what? For a long time, like, you know, the name Chandler, I never really saw that. It's not that common of a name. But growing up, that was the only time I would ever see anyone else called Chandler in the public eye

was Jordan Chandler, victim of child abuse from Michael Jackson. Oh man, another Chandler, cool! How desperate would that be? Comedy bombs out, the podcast bombs out, and then you go on the celebrity look-alike circuit as one of the accusers of Michael Jackson, just trying to get gigs at

Westfield, signing political contracts. You're bringing yourself out to private parties. What do you do? Well, I go into a closet and you can do whatever you want with me. Yeah, I'm ready to be self-added to private parties. It's like, what do you do while I go into a closet and you can do whatever you want with me? Yeah, I mean, I'd have to commit fully, wouldn't I? I'd be like, yeah, if you've got a creepy uncle or something. You come into the closet, but you've got to put on the white glove before you touch me.

If you have a monkey that watches, that would be amazing. So a lot of our listeners, a lot of crossover listeners that listen to to our podcast and your podcast yes hit us up a bit about saying

hurry up and go and find Hacks you fucking cowards well we've almost done a year of episodes and you two are still two chicken shit yeah we have a blanket policy on this podcast

that we will never forget just like Michael Jackson had a blanket policy with his child I sent that to you the other day. I was like, can I change my kid's name to Blanket? Just like Michael Jackson did. Remember when his kid's name was Blanket?

It still is. It's not called Blanket anymore. Isn't it? No. How old is it, by the way? Because it changed its name. Yeah, I think it was that weird thing where the kid had a name and then he decided to call it Blanket,

even though he'd just named it a year before. Oh, it was a nickname. Yeah, but... The kid rejected too much. No, no, it's Blanket. So now the kid's grown up and gone, well, my name's not Blanket anymore. Right, right.

That's a weird thing for a 22-year-old to say. My name is Blanket. Mind it, it's not bad. Blanket Jackson is not too bad. Yeah. Yeah, look, in 20 years or so when this is all, when all the hubbub has died down. Did you see his daughter tweeting about the doco, Paris Jackson,

just being like, everyone just needs to chill. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. We tried that 20 years ago, but it's still there in the old brain box. Sorry. Yeah, right. I love that episode of The Simpsons. Just relax, wow. Oh, my God. We tried that 20 years ago, but it's still there in the old brain box. Sorry. Yeah, right. I love that episode of The Simpsons. Just relax, everyone.

Fuck. But, yes, we are officially too chicken shit to hand over our phones. All right. So never doing it. Never land doing it. Never land doing it. I might do it. Maybe.

Yeah, I might. Oh, gee, that was an easy turn. I tell you. That was like a really hard no to him. Yeah, I might. Oh, now, gee, that was an easy turn. I tell you. That was like a really hard no to him. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you know, we've had plenty of people on, and I think you guys are worried it's worse than it actually is. Right.

Definitely, yeah. And you obviously have the – Well, more in quality than anything. Oh, yeah, well, yeah. Of course. Every time you've asked me to do it, it's been preceded with, it's actually not as bad as you think. Well, now I have this, like, pro forma template I send to everyone that's just like look it's not that bad you have the ultimate

discretion all this shit just so i don't know just so people aren't as worried you know but it's yeah and we're not like going through text messages and sending shit to to you know people that you won't let us do you know it's not like we're like running off with the phone i thought i was getting phone hacked the other day because I got a call from a number I didn't know and I answered it. And I get a few calls because people are calling about, they find my number because of gigs that I run,

shows that I run, like the Thursday Night Show, the Basement Comedy, whatever. So someone rang up and said, oh, yeah, ring up about this comedy show. I'm like, yeah, no worries. What questions have you got? Yeah, don't know about this show. Yeah, not really sure.

I'm like, all right, well, that's a weird way to lead, but okay, what aren't you sure about? Is this this show in the city? And I was like, well, there's a lot of shows in the city. Yeah, but. Is this Muriel's wedding? the city and i was like well there's a lot of shows in this yeah yeah but is this muriel's wedding is this this show where you go to where the job of the comedian is just to hang as much shit on the audience as they can and install and yell at the audience is this that show

is that is this the show and i was like going i i don't know my solo show like is this my comedy festival show from the last three years? Because you're a little bit late. And I'm like, well, look, the job of a comedian, they can do whatever they want. And it's like, yeah, but I've heard about this show. You walk in and immediately the comedian just starts pointing and yelling at them.

And I'm like, and I'm sitting there and I start thinking, this is, am I getting phone hacked right now? Did you say that? No, no, no. Because I was like still, I don't want to say that and miss out on a potential sale. Are you trying to like place the voice and work out what you're friends sounds like?

Well, that's it. So then after that, I was like, no, no, no, it's fine. I don't know what's going to happen. It depends. If you ask these sort of questions, like when you're in the audience, maybe the comedian is going to go after you because it's sort of a bit weird to ask these sort of questions, like when you're in the audience, maybe the comedian's going to go after you because it's sort of a bit weird

to ask these questions at the moment. And then he was like, oh, okay, all right, well, I'll find another show and just hung up. Because he got off the phone really quickly, I was like, fuck, who was that?

That name rang a bell and I got super paranoid. So I started sending messages all around going, did I just get phone hacked? What the fuck? Yeah, hit me up, yeah. Because I was thinking, how lame did I sound on the phone around going, did I just get phone hacked? What the fuck? Yeah, hit me up. Because I was thinking, how lame did I sound on the phone when I was like answering questions at the start?

Like, is this recorded? What's going on? Fuck, well, we haven't moved into prank call territory yet. So that's, you know,

that's. Then you should. Yeah, we were talking about it and we were like, I've never heard of them doing that, but that's, that is,

that's in the, that's evidence in the pro corner. Yeah. Because it's like, you've been doing a little while, would like make sense. We're running out of angles and shit doing it a little while, it would make sense to do it in a different way. We're running out of angles and shit. But if we were just to call you and ask some vague questions about a gig.

Yeah, well, I thought maybe Capper would be a good idea. That's a Capper idea, that is. There's no punchline. Yeah. Yeah, it's something. It's something to look into, I think. Because it did take me unawares, so you could take someone else unawares.

Right. Oh, man, a podcast of just all prank calls would be so much fun. Wasn't that the Jerky Boys, basically? Yeah. Jerky Boys, Matt Tilley, they're all great. But they're doing albums. You know, every week we're getting in

and just spending two hours just looking up names in the phone book. This is the bizarre bit of it. So remember the Joke? Do you all remember the Jokey Boys? Yeah. I know what they are. I don't think I've ever heard a single second of it.

Right. So it's, yeah, phone calls done in the right hands. Prank phone calls. Do they also have Muppets reenacting them as well? No. No, that's a different thing. Prank Yankers. Oh, Prank Yankers.

So Jokey Boys was like 20 years ago, 25 years ago or something. They then made a movie, which is so weird because then they're just scripting prank calls in a movie. Oh, really? Right. And then actors within a storyline are getting prank called. It's like, well, this sort of takes the element of danger out of it. Yeah. I read the script.

None of this is a prank. Have you seen it? Yes. Yeah, right. And is there a plot or is all none of this is a prank have you seen it yes yeah right and is there a plot or is it just we need a prank call to save the world

yeah yeah yeah we need to prank Russia and stop them from sending the nukes yeah yeah of course there's a storyline but like great

they have to stop every 10 minutes to prank someone for some reason it's super lame I don't mind it and you just see an actor that you've seen

in other movies going who's calling me yeah you're not angry with an actor. Yeah. The art of the prank call really did drop off. I feel like Crank Yankers was the last big one where it was like,

okay, we're done with this now. This is fine. Yeah, yeah. It's due to come back for sure. Yeah. It's like Birkenstocks. Yeah. It's the Birkenstocks of pranks.

Yeah, Birkenstocks. Well, speaking of, so that's sort of seen as daggy, I guess, Birkenstocks, sort of Yeah, Birkenstocks Well, speaking of So that's sort of seen as daggy, I guess Birkenstocks, sort of Used to be, not anymore No, not now Sorry We were just talking about this

Sorry, sorry I was on the tram on the way in today And I What a great set up for a joke I know What's not a joke? No, I heard that one Unlike the Jerky Boys movie

This is not scripted This is the real deal Yeah This just happened to me, folks Yeah, yeah, yeah On is not scripted. This is the real deal. This just happened to me, folks. On the way to this gig. This is what happened. I was on the tram and I had the headphones in and was listening and going,

well, this is, you know, like full tram. I was listening and going, this sounds, like I've had a few problems with my headphones and I'm like, this sounds, the sound quality is not great. Like I need to turn it up a bit more. And I'm like, that didn't really turn up that much more. And I turned it up more and I'm like, this is, these headphones are definitely not working properly. So after about three, four minutes of that,

I realised that my headphones were not plugged in. And so I was just playing music out very loud in a full tram. But not only that, I was playing the greatest hits of Bob Marley. Yes! Oh, wow. Yes! Fuck. White guy on the tram, full tram but not only that I was playing the greatest hits of Bob Marley yes oh wow yes

white guy on the tram just playing playing out loud Bob Marley that's so good just hanging down next to you oh my god

I like Bob Marley but that that would possibly be the worst pick of anything I have on my iPhone to be playing out loud on a tram

yeah man were people not staring at you? And like, was everyone turning around? Oh, look, I wasn't looking at anyone else. Yeah. Like, listening to Bob Marley, to No Woman, No Crime.

Making eye contact. Making eye contact with people. Yeah. You're too blazed, man. This guy's cool. He's a fucking buffalo soldier over here. Everyone's looking at me. I'm going, why aren't you guys As chilled out as me?

Your hair is getting pretty long You could do some dreads with that Yeah, yeah, yeah Get cornrows when we're in Thailand Yeah, oh man Don't cut your hair Between now and then And get some atrocious hairstyle

I did I did when I was about 17, 18 I did get like a reggae shirt But I didn't really I didn't did get like a reggae shirt. But I didn't really, I didn't know it was a reggae shirt. It was just like, you know, reggae colours. Yeah. But I didn't associate that with reggae.

So I just bought this reggae shirt. You just like the colour scheme. Yeah, I just walk around in Meribah with it on. Just a fan of the palette. Yeah. You know what, I think I bought it at the train station in Melbourne on a trip down. You know, you come to Melbourne for the day and you go, oh man, there's t-shirts in Melbourne a a bunch of cool T-shirts in Maribor. I'll just grab that shirt.

Wow, they've got Rastafarians at the train station. I didn't know what Rastafarians was. The big smoke is awesome. So I just bought that shirt and then went back to Maribor and walked around with a fucking reggae shirt on. Did people love it? Like, did they...

Oh, they loved that they could yell things at me. Yeah, yeah. So you got into reggae through the T-shirt. So you bought the shirt first. This feels really good. I should look into what's going on here. The stuff being yelled at me is really interesting. Maybe I should follow through and get the whole lifestyle on board.

No woman, no cry. What does that mean? It's a strange thing to yell at young men. All the people abusing me on the street. No wonder people are getting into marijuana when they're wearing this stuff. Just to chill out. When I get to impregnate 50 women? That's great.

Didn't Marley do that? Did he? Yeah, he's got like some ridiculous number of kids to many, many women. Oh, I only know the work of young Ziggy. I don't know any of the others. Oh, the Ziggy. I think there's like 10 or 11 kids. Oh, really? Very nice.

Yeah. Yeah, well, that's... No, that's the sort of thing you can get away with, I guess, when you've got that image. Yeah, true. And you don't remember what you've done the night before. But you are coming to, speaking of islands and cultures like that, they do play a lot of reggae in the island of Koh Samui. I think I was privy to that in your video as I was editing it.

Yes. I think there was a bit of that. Yeah, you did the editing on our Koso movie video for 2018 and now you are coming along to the 2019 edition. I feel like I've been there already. I know.

That's the problem because I did too much watching of this. It tainted me slightly. Yeah, when you started editing it you were like, this is getting me really fired up. This is great.

And then we saw you a week later and you were like, I'm off it. I don't know if I want to do it anymore. I don't know if I can do this. But now I'm back in. I'm back in. It didn't come anymore. I don't know if I can do this. But now I'm back in. I'm back in. It didn't take long.

You've had a bit of a break, yeah. Yeah. I was just doing too many hours on that video. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. But it was, I can't wait. Cannot wait. It's going to be fun.

Yeah. I think it's going to be, yeah, it's going to be heaps of fun. So you're coming for the entire trip. We're going to go to Copenhagen as well. You'll be appearing on live podcasts on the beach. You're excited? You're excited about going over to another country and then hanging out with me, Tommy, Nick Capper, Brett Blake,

heaps of culturally different people over there? Absolutely. How could I not be? I don't get enough of you here. You love Hawaii. You go to Hawaii a lot. And it's got a couple of similarities. It's got the beach.

I was going to say This is actually what I'm really excited about Because I haven't done Bali either So I don't know You know the cheap resorts That's the reason you're coming over Yeah exactly You guys can get fucked

But it's like I like I like Hawaii I like the tropical Paradiso type environment But Hawaii is kind of expensive right It's easy to get over Cheap to get over

Once you're there Well Mike was there. You were there almost the same time I was last year. I just missed you by a couple of weeks, I think. And we were at a very nice hotel. But it's super cheap for people to fly back and forth. Super cheap. But once you're there, it's like Melbourne prices but in American dollars.

Yeah, why is that? Jetstar is always having really cheap sales to Honolulu. Well, we stayed at this nice hotel with all Aussie accents around us. And we started talking to people. And like from Werribee was like this huge like crew of like 20 people. And I was like, you can't fucking escape this shit, right? You know?

And it was still, so yeah, Jetstar's running these back and forth deals, but it's just this element will follow you wherever you go. See, that's the trick. And I've said this before, but that's the trick with Samui because you got to take two flights to get there. So it weeds out some of those people. this element will follow you wherever you go. And I've said this before, but that's the trick with Samoan because you've got to take two flights to get there. So it weeds out some of those people.

If you go to Phuket, I've been to Phuket. Used to. Val, nice try. I've been to Phuket and that was a Jetstar flight full of fucking idiots. Myself and my friends included. Yeah, of course. That's no good.

Bali's the worst for it though. I mean, because that gets the WA ferals. Well, I mean, if you don't go direct, if you're flying Melbourne and stopping over in Perth on the way, it's two-leg flight, that last leg, ooh, mama. I know. Rich. Rich.

I'm looking forward to that. I haven't had the pleasure myself. No. No, it should be exciting, though. Yeah. Interesting to see how it compares to the Hawaii though, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I'll wear a little grass skirt for you.

I was going to say. All palatable. Yeah, that's fantastic. So there's obviously a big culture there. Do they put on any shows? Does the culture there put on shows like the Hawaiians do? I'll give you a job commentating the kickboxing. Doing like a ring announcement.

Oh, yes, because there's kickboxing. Well, yeah, yeah. So it's funny you say that because I've recently done a thing. I've been talking to Tommy about this. I've been culling thousands of people on Facebook. I got in my head. I'm like, I'm going to get rid of people I don't talk to on Facebook. And I've just got rid of thousands of people.

So you had a bit of time on your hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a new baby and a podcast and writing. If I'm sitting in the toilet or whatever, I go, all right, let's get rid of 20 acquaintances all right let's go on the toilet is the place to do it just expelling everything i'm jealous i'd love to do a call but i'm too i'm too much of a coward like i did the thought i don't know, really. It's like all you need is that one person who you then end up at a party with

and people love to fucking tee off about that shit. I was waiting for this but I've already gotten a few re-friend requests that I've just deleted and all of a sudden they're going to pop up. I think you've made a mistake here. There's those apps and shit aren't there where you can see who's unfollowed you and stuff.

I think it's more about, you know how it comes up with your suggested friends, and so they're going to come up, you're going to come up on their suggested friends list, and they're going to go, oh, I thought I was friends with him already. Yeah, yeah, right. Well, I feel like if anyone has a go, it's like, hey, you're one of 2,000.

It's not like I just thought you were a capper. Yes. I thought 2,000 of you were a capper. Oh, this is actually a good hack for our podcast. We get capper to unfollow his girlfriend. Who he met in koh samui yeah yeah exactly that's a good one that's a real good one but because i confronted so many thousands of people right yeah it means that sort of nothing's coming up on my feed anymore right i'll be sitting there and it won't, you know, people like us don't really put anything on our feed anymore, not that much.

No. So you're not seeing anything apart from, like, the small amount of groups that I'm in. Now, I'm in a group that's like Koh Samui, things that are happening in Koh Samui. So basically that's the only thing that's happening on my feed from now on. And so I'm just seeing all these things and now I'm going, oh, I'll just reply to some of these.

And so I start replying going, I know about as much of this as anyone else and uh i'm replying and this one like one guy said i'm staying at the ozo i'm staying at the ozone chewing is it any good i've booked three weeks i'm going there in uh you know a month time or something i've booked three weeks is it any good and it's like well for starters that question the time for that question is long gone. You've booked three weeks. If I say it's great, if I say it's shit, it doesn't matter. You've got to deal with it either way. So he goes, is it any good? And people are saying, you know, this or that.

And I go, so I thought, I weigh in. I know, I've said it plenty of times. And I'm like, oh, no, I think it's great, man. And then other people are going, oh, no, I had a bad experience there. And they, you know, I checked out early and they got the dates wrong or something like that. And I'm like, oh, don't worry about a bad experience there, and I checked out early, and they got the dates wrong or something like that. And I'm like, oh, don't worry about that. It's a one-off.

And there are people getting really obsessed with minor things. Oh, well, I saw they left an empty bottle in my room. I'm like, who cares? It's not going to ruin your holiday. It's great. I'm sure you would think that anyone who's arguing about Star Wars on a forum is a complete loser, and you're doing basically the same thing. Totally.

There's no difference. Totally. Totally. Actually. Yeah, yeah. But I'm also worried about this guy because someone's saying there was an empty bottle or whatever and the guy's going, oh, no. And I'm like, don't worry about it, man.

I don't want this guy to have a bad idea in his head about what's coming up. Yeah, yeah. He's got three weeks booked in and people are trying to convince him he's going to have a shit time. And I'm like, it's going to be people are trying to convince him he's going to have a shit time. It's going to be fine. So because I'm doing that, then the guy just starts friend requesting me and starts messaging me.

He's just talking about what sort of food do they have there? What? What time does the sun go down? Oh man, you can Google this sort of stuff. You've got a little pen pal. So then I had to just go cold turkey and stop replying. What time does the sun go down? Oh, man, you know, you can Google this sort of stuff. Oh, you've got a little pen pal. Yeah. So then I had to sort of just go cold turkey and stop replying.

And then he starts, like, sending me voice messages. Oh, you ghosted him. Yeah, but he starts sending me voice messages. So now, like, once a day I'm getting a voice message from him going, yeah, I'm really looking forward to going there. Been to a lot of hotels. I've been to a place in Cancun once and it was really nice. It had a really nice room.

And then he's sending me pictures of the rooms of hotels he's been in before and then I'm like ignoring it and he just keeps sending it. Now Mike, is this the phone hat? You fucked up the big reveal. Was this Sonia the other week?

Just going to let him get to the end of the story and go, well, you just got phone hacked. And then he sends me, and he's sending me pictures of hotels he's staying in Cancun, and then it leaves it a couple of days, and then he's done his own research and then found out the rooms in Ozone. And sent it to me and then gone,

this room doesn't seem as big as the room in Cancun now I've got a bit of a problem with this and I'm like I can't stress this enough I don't own the hotel

I've got no investment in this hotel I can't blame him for thinking that though like this stranger just really going in to bat hard for a resort

yeah yeah and it's just this guy from Manchester this English guy that's sending me a phone message every day now

with an update going, I can't wait to get there. Great. Fuck. But are you responding every time? Not every time because now I've had to stop

because I thought, well, as soon as you stop responding, it doesn't matter anymore. He's not going to care. I don't know him. He doesn't know me. He's going to give you

a video soon, isn't he? Oh, when he gets there, don't worry about it yeah i'll pop it don't worry have you tried to plug our thing to him get him along no no no he's he's going to be there any way any week now so he's going to be still there for some reason i thought he was coming specifically no no no no no no no this is a complete random yeah that's going there in a week or two the how bizarre yeah but what about were you going to bring this up, the thing that someone posted on our Facebook of just like a Phuket group, Facebook group,

and someone talking about the Ozo in there and then just a stranger going, I don't know, it depends when you go. Like I went and there was this fucking thing on and like talking about us, this stranger. And also screenshotting the messages that Ozo had sent out from last year going, everyone can keep away from the beach between 7 and 9 o'clock because there's some speeches out there that people might get offended by.

Yeah. People had screenshotted that and sent it around a group going, maybe stay away from this clusterfuck. I thought you were saying that's why you feel like you have to jump in and defend their honour now because there's other people out there. But the fact that it's in a Phuket group, it's not even a Samui specific group. It's the other side of Thailand. It's nowhere near it.

But as you said, I think, your parents went to a Phuket resort and they'd heard about us. Yeah, they stayed at the Amari in Phuket. And they got talking to the manager there and I don't know how it came up but I think dad was just asking oh yeah do you know anything about what goes on at the Koh Samui one because our son sort of does a thing over there and they're like oh yeah

and sort of had word had gotten back so you're notorious throughout resort chains in Thailand or to put it in terms you'd understand, everything is not Irie. I don't know what that means. It was a callback to the fucking Bob Marley thing.

It's not Irie. Isn't it Irie? What's Irie? Irie. Everything is not Irie. All right, edit this out. What's Irie mean? Is this like a B-side of Bob Marley

that just another person heard of? Everything is not Irie is like a Jamaican fuck. I'm just going to go. What culture are you talking about? I think it's just your pronunciation today. You were saying gondola or is it gondala? Gondola. Gondola. Is this Klingon?

What are you talking about? I think so. You know what? I have heard that but it just sounded weird. Everything, okay, we'll just move on. Irie. I-R-I know what? I have heard that, but it just sounded weird. Everything. Okay. We'll just move on. Irie. I-R-I-E. I-R-I-E. We can edit all this out.

No. It's all staying in. Fuck. I've goddamn phone hacked myself. You're just going to be the albatross around your neck for the rest of your day. Shit. Yeah, that's your new nickname. Irie Goldstein.

We'll look it up and it'll turn out it's great. It's just the fault is on us for not knowing. Don't feel bad about us not knowing the reference. I don't know. That's our problem. I was hoping it would crush. Chiefly in Jamaican English meaning nice, good or pleasing used as a general term of approval. Oh, great. Example, the place is jumping with Irie vibes. Right.

So if I said everything is not Irie, I've fucking crushed it. That's great. No, we're all wrong. We're all wrong. Yeah, we'll take this one. How's that feeling, bringing up something in conversation that you're so stoked on?

Oh, it's like sweet callback. And then just blank looks on people's faces. Truly one of the worst. Expecting a better reaction as well. One of the worst feelings a person can go through. Oh, fuck. Fuck it out. On a train to Maryborough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that better? Great. I had one of my headphones stop working the other day, the AirPods, and so I took it into a Mac store. I was like, hey, the left one of these isn't working. And the guy looks at it and he goes, it's because it is absolutely clogged with earwax.

Oh, gross. We need to send this off to just get you a new one. It's done. Covered under warranty, thankfully. And I'm like, oh, this must happen. Earwax. Oh, no. Like, we need to send this off to just get you a new one. Oh. It's done. Covered under warranty, thankfully. And I'm like, oh, this must happen pretty frequently. And he's like, I've not seen this before. Get out of here, really?

Never to this extent that it's just the headphone has stopped working. Holy shit. It's seeped through. Like, it's been pushed through. Yeah, that's fucked. It's like one of those earwax candles. Yeah. That sucks. So maybe the beats are, like, pumping and it's just sucking that earwax out.

It's something like that, yeah. I will say it's changed my ear cleaning routine from non-existent to actually doing it every once in a while. So what do you do now? Get the earbud in there. Is that bad? I think it's kind of bad. Look, here's a little tip I'm going to put out.

Only because I play guitar with this hand, the nails are a bit long. That little pinky nail is a perfect ear shovel. Is that bad? Is that gross, though? I don't know. Well, it's better than the butt because you're just sticking the butt in. At least the shovel goes around.

That is a long pinky nail. I'm looking at it. It's for guitar. Yeah, but then you're getting your fingernails in there. Isn't that dangerous? You're going to scrape your fucking eardrum or something. I had a friend that got... It's not ear handling, but when you get wax out of your ear...

Just get it flushed out or whatever. You can get it syringed out. Because if you syringe it, that means it melts out, doesn't it? It pushes water in, which then flushes it out. No, he didn't do that. He got it hard waxed out of his ear from a doctor or from someone like that. Right. But I remember, I was in a share house with him, and he that right and but i remember because he i remember i

was in a share house with him and he came back and he was like he goes oh man i got all the wax out of my ear it was it was amazing and and and the doctor was like oh wow he just got a big rock of wax out of your ear and it was like this big rock in there and then he was like yeah man it's amazing how the fuck did i get rocks in my ear it's's really wild, isn't it? I'm like, did you not hear the bit when you said wax? He thought he had a rock in his ear. He thought they took a rock out of his ear. So he's never heard a simile or a metaphor or whatever. No, no, no.

Descriptive term, yeah. He's like, a rock, where would I have got that? Where was I walking past where rocks were falling everywhere? I remember that happening, yeah, because I've never had that kind of hard stuff. It's just been waxy. But I remember a friend had like, yeah, kind of like a hardy thing. But he pulled it out and he called it a potato cake and it kind of grossed me out.

Yeah, it's gross. Yeah. I want a sweet potato cake. I'd like to get the big flush out done. I would too. The candle. It's like a little volcano thing. Yeah.

It's like a colonic irrigation. You were big on them for a while. Colonic irrigation. Yeah. I remember you were trying to talk me into getting it done once i was i had one done and it was great well no actually you know what i had a negative experience it was fine so what happens is you you go on the apparatus which is kind of laying down they give you the the thing to stick up your bum you got a bit of lube as well and then then you put it on, you attach it to the toilet bit. Then you've got to slide yourself down onto this spike.

Because it's not big. It's quite spiky. Right, and this is all happening at the Neverland Ranch. That's right. Well, you know, blankets administering everything. Put a blanket under the whole thing. Anyway, so for 45 minutes, this machine is kind of putting water in you. Not pumping it in,

but it's just, you can actually feel it like filling you up until your body just starts cramping. Like, you know when you get that real kind of cramp, you need to take a shit. And then you just go, oh, I've got to let go.

And then, it just gushes out. Hell yeah. And the one I had a viewing tube down the side. So you can see it goes down the hole. A viewing tube? a viewing tube down the side so you can see it goes down the hole a viewing tube a viewing tube

that's what they call it well I think that's what they called it that's what I was calling it wow so it's just like a transparent tube so you can see it all come through

you can see literally the shit come out yeah anyway but they so for 40 I like how they make it transparent so like there's been someone going

how do I know my shit's done yeah yeah yeah where's it going you i know my shit yeah yeah yeah can you where's it going you're keeping my shit can you make a candle out of that too that'd be pretty but it was like i so i reckon in 45 minutes i kind of you release about 25 times right but i remember at one point i started like my body was filling with adrenaline because it starts freaking out a bit. And then I just, oh. And then I look up and I just see a massive relax sign.

I was like, oh, okay, here we go. That's helpful. Has huge germaphobe Mike Goldstein, how's this? So gross. Well, just the sliding down onto a spike. That was the bit. That's the weird bit. Because I'm not used to having stuff up there

and so it's like you're clenching with all your might just to stop it and you have to kind of wiggle yourself on. And you said they give you some lube. They give you a sachet. They don't give you all the lube. All the lube. You'd want all the lube. If there's a spike in your asshole

you're like, give me all the lube. Sachet. It's Colonel Sanders. Give give me all the lube Sasha is Colonel Sanders on the front of it give me 10 litres of lube stack I have this weird memory of which it took me ages to work out what it was I genuinely for a long time in my life thought it was like

a fucked up repressed thing what do they do when you're if you're really constipated is it a colonic is that what they do memory of like which I realized eventually was because like yeah What do they do when you're, if you're really constipated? Is it a colonic? Is that what they do? Do they flush you out with that? So this memory of like, which I realised eventually was because like, yeah, this memory of being a little kid and like being constipated and like my dad taking me to like a family friend who was a doctor who'd lived nearby us and me having to strip down and lay down on a

towel and him putting the apparatus in and everything. But me being young enough where it's like not properly explained and not knowing what was going on. And I remember just being so freaked out and like crying and looking at my dad as he's standing in the doorway going, what's happening? And he'd be like, it's for your own good. And this was like buried deep in my head and it took me.

I saw this the other night on the network. It took me so long in my life to work up the courage to go to my dad and go, hey, this weird memory I have of being nude on a towel in the house of this man that lived around the corner from us while you were standing in the doorway apologising for what was happening. What was that about? And he'd be going, oh, you were constipated. I'm like, oh, thank God.

So how did they get rid of it? What were they doing? They just flushed me out. A bit of a douche. Yeah, a bit of a douche. It was like a douche situation. Too many meatballs. It just came out one by one. Mamma mia. Like ping pong balls. Spicy meatball.

Do that in Thailand this time around. That'd be fun. Open wide. Pop. So we're not sure about this, are we, either, about Samui, about whether Milan is coming back. Because everyone presumes that Milan just goes to every live show we ever do, which is not true.

He comes to about nine-tenths of them. Yeah, yeah, he does come to a lot. Yeah, he does come to a lot. So we're not sure if he's coming this year or not yet. But I would err on the side of probably he will because if there's a party happening, he does like to be. He does like to be. Yeah, it's big FOMO.

Yes. About it. Sure. Now, I got a text the other day from a listener. And he said this. He goes, hey, your podcast is stupid and fantastic. Thank you very much. But I listen to way too many episodes

and I listen to them completely out of order all over the place. I bet this is somehow our fault. No, no, no. But I was thinking, okay, I can understand why there's been a mistake made here. But he listened to all the episodes out of order. So he said,

and I've only recently realized that Milan is not a nickname for your Italian wife. So the whole time we talked about Milan, he thought we were talking about my wife. This crazy gun runner that gets us all fucked up. Yeah, yeah. So he thought I was like saying, don't say her name.

Meanwhile, she's running on stage and giving us shots and like yelling at the audience and getting everyone fucked up yeah yeah so he thought i was like saying don't say her name meanwhile she's running on stage and giving us shots and like yelling at the audience and getting everyone fucked up but i'm like that's fine but just don't say her name yeah yeah not her real name i'm pretty sure within that time you'd have said he as well yeah definitely so this listener's assuming you're gay yeah maybe but that's yeah i don't know I think this listener Might be a fucking idiot That's the least concerning part Of that assumption Right

Of what's going on In that whole story It's a busy one It's a really busy assumption That's amazing I just love that idea That every time we go to a live show My wife is

Not only travelling around with us But just going fucking berserk Yeah And buying drinks My wife is just off stage Buying drinks for everyone In the audience and going crazy.

That is pretty funny. The idea of you having an alcoholic wife who's just stage invading every gig that you do is actually fucking great. Yeah, and just heaps of people

coming up to me and going, is your wife coming to the podcast tonight? Is she coming to Samui? Because I don't really care for the podcast, but I like getting free drinks from your wife.

Yeah, I'm actually disappointed now that that's not our real lives because that actually sounds really cool. I was at a wedding the other weekend and it was an old friend of mine, the girl's an old friend of mine, and she's been with this guy for about three years and I met him on their first date. The first date she went on with this guy,

she sent a message to a group of us and was like, hey, I'm'm going on this date i don't really know how it's going to pan out so yeah look i'll be here later if you guys want to you know i'll let you know but probably up for a drink after this day because who knows how it's going to go and then later that night she's like yep all right yep come down and we're thinking oh the date's you know gone bad gone pear-shaped so i was at a gig i head down a couple of other our friends head down we're all there we're all pretty drunk and we're like oh tell us everything how'd the date go like thinking we're gonna get some story about this guy being a cunt or whatever and she goes no it's still going he's over there it's going great and we're like and you've invited all of us to come and

fucking drink with you in the midst of this date and she's like yeah and so this guy's just there while we're all just getting shit-faced. And anyway, so yeah, they've ended up getting married. And he, the groom, mentions that in his speech. He's like, you know, I knew she was really great. I was like, what a weird girl. And all her friends turned up. And I was like, wow, these guys really know how to party.

They were getting me really drunk and everything. What a great crew of people. And it's then I remember that night, I turned up to that drinks with Milan. So Milan's gotten an inadvertent shout out in the speeches at this wedding for being the reason that this couple is still together and getting married. Wow. Fucking amazing. Well, that's very nice instead of being the reason that people break up usually.

Yeah, and then we were out the next day having like a recovery thing That's very nice instead of being the reason that people break up usually. Yeah, and then we were out the next day having a recovery thing and we ended up at the bar that they were at that night for a bit of old time's sake. And I'm trying to get him down. I'm like, man, because I'd forgotten to tell you at the time because I'm at the wedding. I'm like, hey, man, calm down. We've got to...

And he's like, no, I got fucked last night. That's what should happen. They should invite Milan along on their anniversary every year just to get fucked up every year. Get him into the honeymoon. Yes. All right. Well, I guess that's it for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club.

Mike and Ollie, thanks so much for joining us. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. You've got a festival. I do, yes, I do. I'm doing, by unpopular demand, 12 shows only. At Cooper's Inn from March 27th in Melbourne. Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

March 27th to April 8th. 9.45. And it's called? It is called Going Up. Yeah, come along. And I'm also doing some after-hour stuff on the Thursday, Friday, Saturday night at that venue. Bit of music still. Yes, karaoke.

Kicking on. Thursday, Friday, Saturday night at that venue. Bit of music still. Yes, karaoke. Kicking on. Yeah, karaoke. Mike, you've got live Phone Hacks episodes. Yeah, Phone Hacks podcast at Cooper's Inn as well for the Melbourne Comedy Festival every Sunday at 4 p.m. So four shows for that. And then Sydney Comedy Festival, two shows there and some solo shows at Sydney. So, yeah, come along, check those out, and check out the podcast.

Great. At MikeGStean on Twitter? Yep. Great. And you'll have to record some episodes in advance as we bring your co-host Nick Capper around the world with us for some reason. Yeah, we've got to bank some up. You guys are sending him all over the place.

Yeah, he's going through Europe with us. He's weirdly decided to change where he wants to go in Europe now because he just wants to come and see us in Serbia. So now he's just, he hit us up the other day going, oh, I'm changing my route. It's going to cost another $800. So if you guys want to make up that shortfall. No, mate.

No. At no stage do we invite you to come to Serbia with us. So no. Just go and do what you're supposed to fucking do. So he's doing that and he's coming to Costa Mui as well. So yeah, for some reason, he's doing a lot better off our podcast than he is off your podcast. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Well, you know, he's got to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Someone may as well. Yeah, he's getting the generous listeners have crowdfunded him going to Europe. We're paying for our own flights. Of course. No, he's doing all right. We've got to talk about that quickly, the gig in Belgrade that we're doing.

Milan, as we've been talking about, Milan has enforced a Serbian gig upon us. Yeah. So now we're doing a gig in Belgrade. It's a couple of days before we do the live London show, which I believe is in the right order for content, but in the wrong order for making it to the London shows. Yeah, this might be the most, the least say we've ever had in doing a live show. This just kind of happened, him talking about it, drunk to us.

Man, if Milan lived in Adelaide, we'd be doing a show in Adelaide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, come, I guess. Yeah. I feel like not advertising it. Because I don't really know. I'm really scared of doing a gig to Serbian people. I don't know what it's going to be.

Yeah. Have either of you guys been to Serbia? Not at all. Well, Milan's not really... He's very rarely been on the show. He's more of an international man of mystery with his show. He likes to be behind the scenes. He's like Wilson in Home Improve show. He's more of an international man of mystery with his show. He likes to be behind the scenes. He's like Wilson in Home Improvement.

Yes, the audio Wilson. But he's like, we were saying to him, what are we going to do? And he's like, oh, you just do a bit of stand-up, and then all of us will just be on stage and just talk. Like, I see you're part of the show now. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, yeah, I'm Serbian. I can talk to people.

Oh, yes, he's English-speaking as well. Is he just a translator maybe, I'm Serbian, I can talk to people. Oh, yes, I think he's speaking as well. Is he just a translator maybe? Oh, I don't... It'd be English speaking. Yeah, yeah, you'd think so.

I mean, unless he's really fucking us up by putting us in front of non-English speakers. Yeah. Pretty funny. Yeah.

Pretty mean of your wife to do that. Oh, yeah, so anyway, don't come to that show everyone. Yeah. Hey, it might be the last time you ever get to see us on this earth.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. At least, hey, look, come for the drinks after. Yeah. Don't come to the show. Come to the after party. Yeah.

Let us know if we have even one single Serbian listener. Yeah. Well, not, like, living in Serbia. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I would like to know, because I would like to know if we do have one, and if you're not coming, why not?

That would be good. That would be pretty great. Yeah. We just find out Serbia's like the Adelaide of Europe. Yeah, yeah, totally. They don't buy tickets. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm busy that night.

Didn't give me enough notice. Yeah. All right, guys, thanks very much for for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. Oh, and they've done it again. Nothing like a good workout, hey? Care to elaborate? Oh, just pedaling pretty hard, you know.

Yep, on the exercise bike. You know what? This is a job. So, you know, I was doing a job. Some days more than others, you know. Some days you have a pretty cruisy day at the office. Yep. Knock off at 4.30, go home.

Yep. Other days that boss is really riding you pretty hard. Yep. You're in there until 10 p.m. Sometimes you can get in there and it's like not much to do today. And sometimes you can get in there and go, wow, a shipment has just arrived. And you've got to unpack everything. Sometimes it's hard to know when to go home.

And you're just working around the clock to the detriment of your personal life. Japanese style. But I thought it was a very fun episode. Yeah. Some good shit in there. Sometimes you just have to work a bit harder than other times. If you didn't get the metaphor that I was fucking driving into the ground. So you felt like that was work is what you're trying to say.

Yeah. Okay. And this is a job, so that's fair enough. Yeah, that's fine. We get paid to do this. We do get paid to do this. You're right. You're right what you said when you repeated me.

Yeah. I was right what I said when I repeated you. But fun, fun times and good friends. And like we said, Oliver Clark, joining us at Chuang Beach on the island of Koh Samui in Thailand for the third international Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Third and final. Yes. So get on to that, guys.

Still getting requests, still getting questions rolling in, still getting people confirming, asking questions about hotels, asking about, of course, like maybe timely to mention Copenhagen. If you are coming from 11 to 16, we are doing, June 11 to 16, we are doing on the night of the 16th, we're in Copenhagen, doing a live show over there as well. But for all details, for all discount codes, all that sort of stuff,

go to littledumbdumbclub.com slash kosamui. Yep. There's a link on the main page if you don't know how to spell it. But it answers all your questions about accommodation, about buying a ticket to the festival, getting a discount for the beautiful Ozo Chuang Samui or the Amari. And we've got a report from the resort and it's looking really good.

Yeah. We've got plenty of people coming. Yeah, we do. It's going to be good. Don't worry about being by your lonesome. It is selling very well. It's going to be a nice little festival year. And if you're a first-timer and you want to whet your whistle,

you can look at the documentary that we made of last year's festival. You can download that, gum.co.au. It's a little $10 download. It's, what is it, like an hour and 15 minutes? Yeah. Heaps of footage of the live pods and stuff that we filmed with friends of the show. It's cut together expertly by the guest on this episode that you just heard, Oliver Clarke.

It's come up great. It's very funny, and it'll give you a good little teaser of what to expect this year. Yeah, and we'll make sure that's up on the main page of the website as well, so it's a bit easier to find. But, yeah, that means on the main page, you can actually get two years' worth of documentaries about Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, if you like. Also, hey, both of our albums, you've recently put up an album online as well.

Yeah, my album, Leisure Suit Tommy, which I recorded in Perth. Thanks to everyone who's bought that. Heaps of people buying that and letting me know that they really enjoyed it. That is up at tommydassolo.bandcamp.com. Well, you should put a link to that on our page as well. Yeah, I don't know how to enjoyed it. That is up at tommydassolo.bandcamp.com. Well, you should put a link to that on our page as well. Yeah, I don't know how to do it. Well, you just ask the guy that does it for us to do it. Oh, okay.

Well, we're about to relaunch it. Yeah, but on the main page is my latest album, Carl Chandler Earth's Greatest Comedian. So that's still there as well if you want to grab that. Okay. Let's do one more push again for the solo shows because it bears repeating at this time every year. We've undersold it a bit this year.

And look, we don't need to undersell something that has already undersold tickets from people that listen to this. It's self-underselling. Yeah. I mean, we've got so many live shows in the calendar that the plug section is really ballooning out with enough other stuff. But guys, come check out

the solo shows. You are guaranteed... Look, I think we've gotten better at not doing it as much, but we went through a big phase of shitting on ourselves as stand-ups and our own abilities, and I think people took that at face value and it really did bite us in the ass for a bit but uh look folks we're good at what we do we're working hard i'm busting my ass out there every night

getting this show together and you are guaranteed a good time out so get a ticket to that come support the boys support the pod but support the individual boys as well that's what it's all about yeah i don't think it's all about that but you know it as well that's what it's all about yeah i don't think it's all about that but you know it can be some about what life is all about some about that um oh look i don't blame that on i think that's just a joke that we were underselling and i don't think people really did that did they i don't know i think people definitely did i think people i had people come to shows and go oh you're actually good yeah okay maybe but hey that's them coming to shows though so for sure yes yes but then you think about all the people that didn't, you know, that were like, no, I'm

not going to roll the dice on this. Look, I think that is just a part of the culture of podcasting where people go, oh, look, we love the podcast. We don't need to see the stand-up sometimes. I want to see the thing, not half of the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like literally, I think this is the perfect metaphor. You know, the Rolling Stones come out, they sell this many.

Mick Jagger comes out, he doesn't sell as many because it's not the exact thing they want. That's true. Yeah, and that's what we are. But does that happen, though? Does Mick Jagger come out and do his own stuff? Not that. He did in the 80s and stuff like that. Did he really?

Right. His solo career was not as good. Okay. But that would be the difference between if it was the Rolling Stones on one night and then Mick Jagger solo the next night. Well, then yes. But if Mick came out by him, if it was that or nothing, if you're a Rolling Stones head and it's that or nothing,

people are still going to go. No, it's not going to sell the same capacity though. No way. True. Well, it's absolutely true. Not the same capacity, but yeah. It's absolutely true because if he had sold the same as Rolling Stones, he'd be still solo, but he's not.'s not right right because you get more money i didn't know he went i didn't

know he ever went solo yeah he did in the 80s it was like uh it was like freddie mercury if you saw in bohemian rhapsody the movie you know that that's the thing you have these big bands and then the record companies go hey i'll chuck you this advance and you and you'll turn it out to be this big solo artist. And they get their heads turned and then they do it and it's not as good. I had a dream last night that I watched Bohemian Rhapsody and that was the dream. Just me watching that movie. It's like, how desperate am I to have a normal, boring life? That's the most wild fantasy my brain can come up with.

What was your review of the fictional version of Bohemian Rhapsody? Weirdly enough, I fell asleep during it in a dream. Wow. On the nod whilst unconscious. Jeez. So next time you have a dream, you wouldn't bother watching it again? The dream version of it, of Bohemian Rhapsody, gets a C- from me. Really?

Yeah. And I don't know. Look, I haven't seen it in real life yet, so I have no reason, I have no way of knowing how the dream version compares to the real world version. Do you think that in your dream world, do you think that lead actor would be up for the Oscar this time? Definitely, because the one thing I do remember

about the dream version of it was that you see on camera penetrative gay sex. Oh, wow. Does that happen in the Bryan Singer version? Well, that's a go-to for a best actor for an Oscar. It's always like that thing. Spreading the cheeks. Yeah.

If you put a real effort into it, if you dress up as an old person or you lose a lot of weight or you put a lot of weight on, that's sort of a bit of an Oscar magnet. Well, when you can see it go in, that's definitely an Oscar magnet. So what's his name? Rami Malek. Yeah. I'm probably butchering the pronunciation of that, but he had the fake teeth.

Yeah. Did he also have some kind of like prosthetic butthole work done? Yeah. Oh, look, as much as I'd like to talk about this riff for hours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, look, as much as I'd like to talk about this riff for hours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is work some days, isn't it?

Working it. It is a job. It really is a job. Yeah. And sometimes you can do your job well and sometimes you can do it badly. Sometimes you're just on the computer playing Minesweeper on the company's time. And infecting your company's computer with viruses. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. The same one that got Freddie. Can computers get AIDS? Who knows? Remember, you know, not remember, but you don't have to remember this. Remember when my computer got AIDS? You know, feline AIDS, how cats get AIDS. Yeah. Isn't that weird? Yeah, they have their own strain of it. Yeah. Yeah. have to remember when my computer got a cat you know feline aids how cats get aids yeah isn't

that weird yeah they have their own strain of it yeah yeah is that from did they have that originating african cats or how does that so what they because humans got it by a dude fucking a monkey yeah so you think a cat fucked a monkey or did it or did a person fuck a cat the person who had aids oh yeah was there a well is that a person who had AIDS fuck a cat? Yeah. Was there a... Is that a thing that can happen? Was mankind a conduit? Yeah. Did the Coco Pops monkey fuck Felix the cat?

And that's how it all started. Should I draw that up when I get home? A porno of Coco Pop monkey and Felix? Yeah. Yeah. That can be the... When we finally go... If we ever go back to Adelaide, that can be the Felix. Yeah. That can be the... When we finally go... If we ever go back to Adelaide, that can be the poster.

Okay. The Coco Pops Monkey. Felix is a bit boring to draw. I'd rather it be Benny from Top Cat. You know the little purple one? No, not really, but I know Top Cat. There's way better cats out there. Top Cat.

I think visual... Top Cat. Top Cat getting bummed by the Coco Pops monkey. Yeah. Yeah, because even if it's, even if you don't know what top cat is,

it's a cat in a vest and a hat. That's pretty, that's pretty good. You don't really need to ask any questions. You go, that's a pretty cool cat.

That's a, that's a thing. Yeah. I'm not going to make myself look stupid by asking any questions. Yeah. Yeah.

And, and then what about the, then the final panel is the Coco Pops monkey busting on Top Cat's face. Yeah. And Top Cat's like, mm, just like a chocolate milkshake.

Yeah. Yeah, he's saying that and then after that he quickly says, yeah, delicious. I just hope it doesn't come back to bite me on the immune system. Yeah, Top Cat's classic catchphrase. Yes. Just a bit of a, you know, like Bohemian Rhapsody, just giving you a bit of foreshadowing as to what's going to happen next. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, biopics. We were talking about this in the car the other day. Biopics love a bit of foreshadowing, a bit of like, it would be a damn shame if this was to happen in about 20 years' time. I don't know what happened in the Dream version. I don't know if it was the same in your Dream version, but just a lot of people walking around going, finally we could think of a song about us rocking people.

Finally we could come up with a tune about us being the best at something. It's right on the tip of my tongue. It's right on the tip of my tongue. Yeah. It's right on the tip of my tongue. Oh, well, I guess another thing bites the residue of the dirt, not having rain on it. I know that we're at the top of our ascent right now, but it would be pretty cool for us to just make a biopic. We should make a trailer for our biopic that's just all foreshadowing

to just an insane degree. yeah just us meeting and going gee i oh i don't know about you i don't think i could ever do eight years of a podcast with you but anyway let's get a sandwich i mean there is there is bits of like people have gone back and found stuff that we've said in the past years ago that now seems like ridiculous, deliberate foreshadowing. Oh, episode one, we're talking about Thailand. Thailand. You're on record as going, I'll never be one of those people that talks about a cat on their podcast. Stuff like that.

All of it. I'm sure there's things of me in my past relationship being like, this is the one, guys. I'm going to get married to this girl. I don't think you've ever said that. No, no, but you know what I mean. Like, people are constantly, like, reminding us, like, hey, idiots, remember when you said this? It's like, from six years ago?

No, to be quite honest, I don't remember that. From last week? No, I don't. I don't remember that at all. If someone wants to be bothered making a foreshadowing stupid comment of all the things on this podcast. I would love that. Yeah, yeah.

Either right or wrong. Right or wrong. Yeah, we'll do this. This will definitely happen. Well, there's bits of, like, we were like. Like that classic time when we went, welcome to the stage, Trevor Noah. Yep, yep. We were mocking the idea that Dill could have any chance of winning the Logie.

Yeah. You know, stuff like that. Yeah. Of him ever losing weight. Mm-hmm. Stuff like that. Yeah. Of him ever losing weight, stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be interested. Look, that's one of those things where you say that and I go, as if anyone can be fucked doing that.

But there'll be one. Within five minutes of this going up, there'll be a two-hour supercut. There'll be some. Online. Yep. Hey, you know what? We don't do this enough, but thank you all for listening. Thanks, guys, especially people who get very dedicated and very into it and uh maybe have a little bit

too much free time on their hands yes must be nice yeah um but uh appreciate appreciate everything that you guys do for us by listening by grabbing shirts by coming to live shows all that sort of stuff and and of course uh subscribing to patreon of course course, which is an absolute, I guess it's the dream way of supporting us, isn't it? There's no better way than to give money to us absolutely cleanly, unless you see us on the street and you just do a sweet cash handshake. There's no better way of doing it. As we're walking past each other, as we're crossing paths, your little hand backwards

behind you. Although if people want to do that, we can start another section of the show where we just read out people that have given us money in the street rather than Patreon subscribers. But they're all aliases. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to give us a handshake and then read your name out to us as you're doing that, just walk past and go, James Farquhar, and then keep walking.

Oh, that's a pineapple in my hand. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. I'm happy with that. But yeah, it truly is the dream way of being supported and making a living. No middlemen, no bosses, you know, just direct to the consumer. Yeah. You know?

Oh, I love it. It's great. It's very gratifying. We didn't cop heaps of shit off people, but certainly you start doing a podcast and people in comedy start to go, oh, you've got a fucking good one. Like it doesn't take long for people to go from, oh, what's a podcast to, oh, a podcast, that's fucking nerdy. Yeah, at the start it was cool.

Yeah. Because we got in relatively on the ground floor. Yes. And then it was like people were coming to our live shows and it was like, oh, cool, this is working. Yeah. And then I think there was maybe a six-month period where people in the industry thought we were pretty cool before it all came crashing down and it was like, look at these fucking

losers doing this. Totally. Yeah, because now it's back to, I don't, oh, maybe we've gone back up again, I reckon, maybe. We have? Yeah. I don't know. We're too in the bubble.

Yeah, yeah, you're right, I guess. No, but I think, you know, we get more and more popular. Like, again, thank you to everyone for listening, but we keep getting more people listening. It hasn't gone down. It hasn't plateaued or anything. No. So, yeah, hey, just to remind everyone out there,

if you enjoy the show, pass it on to friends. Keep us growing. That'd be great. Yeah, a little reminder, we did the best of of 2018 at the end of last year which is an episode that you could go find and a big part of the reason we did that uh was to make it easier for you guys to pass that on to other people yeah um or your favorite episode but whatever you'd like to do but i think we sort of went down in coolness stakes i guess in comedy

where you go uh oh you know people just you know, you can't keep thinking well of someone for too long. Yes. You have to have a bit of a dip. And so you go, oh, fucking nerds, fucking, oh, you got, you know, it's just a podcast. It's not fucking, you know, it's not TV. It's not radio. We're like the Simpsons now. Yeah.

We've been on so long. But I think we've gone back up because we keep growing and then people like, like it's a lot easier, I think, for other people to come in and see what's going on and see our success to some extent so i feel like we've yeah but people in comedy don't think that's cool yeah people in comedy don't think someone doing well is cool yeah yeah yeah okay fair enough i think a little bit more respect anyway maybe uh i mean we could debate this i hope you Yeah, sure. I hope you're right. I hope you're right. But I'm more pessimistic with that sort of stuff.

You know, I don't want to be the guy walking around going, everyone thinks we're the best. Oh, no, not at all. Not at all. I just mean, I literally meant, I think we've copped a little less shit lately. Oh, okay. Well, I think that's fair. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe not too, yeah, less shit to our faces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what that probably means is that the behind-the-back action has just started skyrocketing. Okay. All right. Well, I'll accept that. Fair enough. But, yeah, like I said, the middleman that we use is patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. If you ever want to do the right thing by us, especially if you live away from a live show,

if you just would like to support the show in any way, even if you live next door to me, you can do that. Oh, okay. There was, I don't know if I've talked about this. There were people that lived in your building? There were people that talked. Yeah. Yeah, that listened. But I think as soon as I talked about them, they moved out.

I think that's what happened. Did they give you a lift home from a live show once or something? They did. So, guys, let us know if you're listening, guys. But those guys that, we were at a live show and they just came up really drunk afterwards and were like, we live next door to you. I parked my car next to the Gottemobile. Oh, my God.

And, oh, fuck. And they were like really enthusiastic and they were lovely guys. And they wanted to have a drink and whatever. I'm like, yeah, great. And then they were like, we're going to go home. Want to share an Uber? I'm like, okay. And they're like, oh, wow.

How funny is this? I'm like, oh, great. And then they were like, we're going to go home. Want to share an Uber? I'm like, okay. And they're like, oh, wow, how funny is this? I'm like, oh, it's just more convenient than funny. And then they were like, oh, we've seen you around the building, but we haven't hassled you. And I'm like, oh, man, I appreciate it. And I think – but they were so nice about it. They were like, oh, we didn't yell out and we see you and we don't say anything. And I think when we got home, they went, well,

we better do the right thing again and just move out so we never hassle him again. Yeah, because they – maybe your reputation preceded you and they're like we had a very nice interaction we better get out that window was open but then it's shut yeah let's get out you gotta know when to fold them yeah right okay this this might sound like a very conceited thing to say but i honestly think in maybe like a decade you know well down the line there will be university courses taught about the bizarre level of fame that you have when doing a podcast.

Right. Where it's like you're very, like people are into you, but you're also very, very accessible to the point where you can be a fan of someone and then giving them a lift home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just so bizarre. Yeah. It is a weird little world but um i i quite like it i like it too yeah yeah yeah there's i think you know having a podcast and this is not just for

us but for everyone um the people that are into you are a lot more into you than someone that's into like whoever's on tv yes like i think stand-up comedians that we have on that are at a good level. Yes. They're at a reasonably famous level. They won't have people as dedicated into them as we have that's into us. Well, say you're a big fan of someone that we've had, yeah, a popular stand-up that's on TV every now and then. Their average fan might see them on TV twice a year

and then go see them once a year at their live stand-up tour that comes through town and then that's it. That's all they have to do with them. Well, I would say if, like for example, if a Dave Thorne, if a Nazeem Hussain, if a Fiona Lachlan said, you know what, I'm going to do a couple of stand-up shows on the beach in Thailand

over three nights. Who wants to come over and just watch me do stand-up every night on the beach? People would go, what the fuck are you talking about? Why would I ever do that? That's not going to happen. So I think that's the proof. But isn't that interesting where like,

sorry if this is very boring. But the interesting thing where – so those people that you mentioned, all of them, they have huge audiences at their stand-up shows. Yes. And the amount of content of them that people that go to those shows have consumed and liked is like what? Maybe a few hours? Yeah, yeah. And then they've gone, cool, I'll spend $50 on a ticket. We're doing 52 hours worth of content a year and most of the people that consume it are

like, nah, I'm good. These are fucking two hour shows these days. Well, okay, cool. 104 hours a week and a lot of people are still going, nah, I'm good. I don't feel the need to spend 20 bucks. But maybe that's the problem. Maybe we're giving them too much. Maybe a lot of these people are sick of us.

Yeah. You know, we've never thought of it like that. They're like, I've gotten more than my fill of what these two have to say. Yeah. No, we're doing all right. I have no cause for complaint. No, me either. Yeah.

But I'm just, it's, you know what? I love where I'm at at life. It just makes you think. I'm very content at the moment, I think. I'm pretty happy with where I'm at. I feel like there's contentedness coming out of you. There's a few little nuts and bolts in the old brain box that can still do with being sorted out.

And look, was me getting drunk last Sunday night and then sleeping through my psych appointment on Monday morning perhaps detrimental to fixing up those nuts and bolts? Absolutely. Absolutely that would be a fair assessment if someone wanted to say that really yeah what time is your psych assessment it's like 10 a.m oh you slept through that no i didn't sleep through it i woke up i had just completely forgotten all about it like i went out to a i talked about it on the app it was like a sort of a recovery drink thing for the wedding I'd been at. Right.

And I thought I would just pop in and then go home. And then, you know, usually Sunday night I'd do a bit of an assessment of like, okay, what have I got on tomorrow? Right. And because the night blew out and I just went home and passed out, I didn't sort of look at my calendar or anything, woke up and then went, fuck, I reckon I'm meant to be there like now. Well, that's not happening.

Right. And then I just didn't, I just haven't heard from them until I contacted them to go, can I make another appointment? Now, is that weird? When you're dealing in mental health, someone just doesn't turn up to an appointment. Yes. And then you just don't hear from them all week. Absolutely.

Isn't there something of an obligation or whatever to like touch base and go, hey, are you all right? You just didn't show up to your appointment. Absolutely. Happy to send me the invoice. Happy to charge me for the appointment that I missed. Did they really? Yeah, well, I just didn't show up.

That's fair. That's my fuck up. That's fair enough. Oh, man. That's just going to cause you more mental problems. As if that's not going to make you more fucked up than you were that morning. I mean, maybe that shows that I am in a good – that I i'm you know what it's like i fucked up you know every oh sure every doctor has that if you just don't rock up then you you know right okay because i have a thing with my uh i've not

turned up to several tax appointments and every time i don't turn up they just like i'll notice like the next day like one time i got halfway into going there and I looked at the thing and went, oh, this was yesterday. Right, right. And they didn't let me, like, of course that's on me. Yeah. But I would have thought you would have got a phone call 10 minutes late going, are you just saying, are you coming? Yeah. Let alone your situation.

Yeah. Yeah. They just didn't. I got the automated thing at the end of the hour. Yeah. With just the bill. Because like they automatically send it out. They're like so that's

it's a you know it's a so instead of ringing you to go are you okay when you didn't turn up they just send you a bill and if you don't pay that for about six months they probably then go i guess he wasn't okay if he's not answering his mail he's not paying any bills i suppose i mean i guess he's gone i I guess he's no good. I was thinking about this and it's pretty bleak, but I mean in that profession that must happen a bit. Yeah. Do they – if something happens, do they get notified? You know what I mean?

Like if you have a patient that just stops coming, do you ever – I mean there would be cases where they've just never found out about it. Do you reckon someone on our Patreon subscribers died in the time that we've done it? We've talked about this before, but there are a couple of people who have the wrong email address. Yeah. And I'm constantly having to re-forward it to them and go, please, for the love of God, change your fucking email address. Yes. And they never write back. They never say anything about it.

They've never edited it. And there's one guy in particular i'm like yeah this cunt's dead yeah this guy has died i don't know how you can get that email every month and just never have yeah changed it i know one person never changed it shout out to lisa store a long time long time subscriber and listener and everything but fucking come on stororzy. Yeah. Sort your shit out. Well, Storzy knows us, so I think she finds it funny to be fucking with us. She absolutely does. But this other person, I never even get her a reply. I send her a message and go, can you fucking change this?

And she just sends me a laugh to her emoticon. Right. Yeah, this other dude, and you know who you are. Yep. If you're out there, we need to find out. Yep. But anyway. If you're dead, let us know.

In answer to your question, yes, I feel very content right now. Great. In general. Great. That whole answer doesn't suggest that, but I think you look it. Yeah. I look it, really. You seem it.

I've had a lot of, the inbox has been absolutely blowing up with rosacea feedback, by the way. A lot of our listeners, as it turns out, have skin conditions. Right. Really? Podcast listeners, who'd have thought? It's weird how podcast listeners really relate to the skin condition and the weight problem stuff that we talk about. Yep.

But again, like a lot of things, it is so hard to get any kind of accurate feedback. Like one person will go i tried laser and it was the biggest waste of money ruined my life really fucked actually made my skin worse and then someone else going absolutely do it best thing you can possibly do so it's like well there's no way of getting an accurate read out of this but thank you to everyone who has contacted me about that yeah is it um when you get the laser treatment, is it sort of like that James Bond scene where you just get locked to that table

and then they put the laser up? Yeah, and they start from down at my groin. Yeah. Can you fix this skin condition that's on my dick? No, Mr. Bond. What's he say? No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.

I expect you to have a clean skin. Yep. Yep. All right. Well, let's get stuck into this Patreon. These things will go on and on forever unless we get stuck in. Patreon subscribers, what you get is you get, depending on your level, you get a free magazine every month.

You get a free bonus episode every month. You get access into our private little facebook group called uh dumdum club millionaires group um when we try and chuck a bit of extra content in there every now and then you give people first details of things that are happening things like that uh we try and do everything extra we can we give you i would say pound for pound we give we give a more than nearly everyone yeah i reckon uh having done no research on that at all, but I just can't imagine anyone else working harder for fucking this than we do. But anyway.

And of course, you also get a... That's the most used statement. I'm the best. I haven't looked into this in any way whatsoever, but I am the best. I'm offering absolutely nothing to qualify this statement, but I am the best. I'm offering absolutely nothing to qualify this statement, but I am the best. That does ring true. I haven't heard that before from me.

I knew that felt familiar. And, of course, you get your name put into the mix of randomly being read out and immortalized forever on this show by being thanked with your first and last name. Being pulled out of the unplanned title alternator, as we do each week. We try and, of course, we'll read one or two names out. If we don't have much time, if we've got a lot of time, we might read 100 out.

It'll have to be somewhere in between there because we are running out of time. Probably not in the middle. We've been going for ages already, yeah. Right. Between, closer to what? One or 100? Look, we can get closer been going for ages already, yeah. Right. Between, closer to what? One or a hundred? Look, we can get closer to a hundred for sure. Okay.

All right. Strap in. Might be a long one. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. First kept off the rank this week. Thank you to Christopher Hall. Christopher Hall?

Yeah. H-A-double-L. Chris Hall. What do you think? Initial thoughts. Good or bad person? Would you like to meet this person? Oh, okay.

If you had like a friend version of Tinder. Okay, right. Right? Some people do use Tinder for that, but sure. Do they? Yep. Really? Yep.

Just for friends? Yep. Those other people must get pissed off, mustn't they? Some of the apps you can, there's different sections. Right. Like you can switch a thing to… Don't root me button if you click that. Yes.

Right. The don't root me button. Right. Oh, I didn't know that. Right. That's interesting. Well, why would you? Yeah.

I'd be shocked if you were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how it works. When people bring it up, I'm always fascinated to hear about it because it is a very interesting phenomenon of which I am absolutely no part of. But if there was a friendship version of that for you at the moment. Yep. Would I want to be? And there was no picture. No picture.

Chris Hall. And it just comes up Chris Hall or Christopher Hall, whatever. Christopher Hall. Yeah, I reckon Chris, I think, is quite a pleasant name. Yeah, it's not a harsh name, is it? Yeah. Yeah, this guy sounds like a nice guy. I think this is a guy I could be friends with.

Really? Yeah. Right. What do you imagine he looks like? I imagine him being tall for some reason. Maybe that's just the word hall that's making me think that. Because halls are long. No.

So you're thinking of an upright version of that. Because it sounds like tall. Oh, okay. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah, I'm thinking not huge but like taller than me but not by much. Right.

A little bit taller than me. Maybe about your height, I reckon. Okay. Are you tall? I feel like I used to be tall and now I feel like I'm not that tall. I feel like your height is bang on the average height. Right. Okay.

Maybe slightly taller but around about the average height okay that's interesting i feel like i think well you know what people are growing taller as as as life goes on not as individual life goes on but as society goes on yeah you don't just wow not just nine foot when you're a hundred years old yeah you know here's what i think people they grow grow and they expand and then one day they die. Call me crazy. It's just something that I cooked up in the lab. Yeah. So I feel like when I was 16, 17, I was tall.

Right. But now I don't feel so tall. Now you're seeing these 17-year-olds coming out and they're fucking 6'9 or something. It's a weird number. Yeah, but I also, I was, I'm shorter than average. But I recently have been starting to think that like, I don't think I'm as short as I've always thought I am for my whole life. I don't think you are either.

I think you look at you and think short ass. And then you properly look at exactly how tall you are. You're not that short. I was always the short kid in school and i think also i have a lot of tall friends like when i when i used to live with ballard and our friend pat who you know um both very tall men yeah i felt like a i felt like a little mouse in that house just constantly having conversations with those two and we would stand around in the kitchen just being absolutely towered over.

So I think it's like I have a lot of good friends who are significantly taller than me. So what are you checking in at? What are you, 5'10"? Yeah. Fuck, I can never remember off the top. I think I'm 5'9", 5'10". Right.

Yeah. Which, what would you say is average? Is 6? I think 6 is like the average. Is it? I think. I don't know. Yeah, I've never really thought about these guys.

We're talking dick size, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six foot, yeah. That seems average to me. Centimeters, that's average, isn't it? So, I, yeah, I'm coming from a base of always thinking I was tall, but then just, you know, the new kids come up and just dwarf you. So we're meeting in the middle.

You've spent your whole life thinking you were tall, and now you realize you're not. And I'm starting to realize that I'm not as short as I've always thought I am. Do you think you've grown? This is the mutual contentedness that we were talking about. Do you think you've grown? I feel like you've grown maybe. I don't know.

In the time you've known me. Maybe, yeah. Maybe, I don't know. I doubt it. Can you have a growth spurt in your 30s? Yeah. Are you going through puberty now? Yeah, I should go back into my old chair house where I was marking my height on the wall

at every birthday from 25 to 28 or however long. My mum's shrinking. Well, that's, I mean, yeah. How does that work? How do you get smaller as a person? I don't get it. How does that physically happen? Yeah, well, I don't...

How does anything happen? Dr. Dassler, tell me. How does anything happen? What are you keeping this from me? How do people shrink, though? That's insane. I mean, that must be... Your life really is a rollercoaster.

To grow and then get to an apex and then go back down again. I mean, you can be okay with aging as a lot of people are. Some people are happy with being older and they find a lot of new things and they like the kind of distinguished edge of reaching age. But the first point that you notice that your height is starting to go down, no matter how okay you are with getting old, that must be a bitter pill to swallow that must be a harsh reality check yeah i guess because i mean becoming small is not like because the older you get the less of a shit you give becoming smaller yeah what a funny way of putting it well boys i'm at that point in life

i'm becoming smaller. It's that point that we all go through, not puberty. Yep. The other one. Yep. Becoming smaller. That's my synopsis

of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Oh, yeah. A whole family becomes smaller. Honey, the kids have become smaller at my hand.

Yeah. Are they really old? Because of me. No. No. It's a different way. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

I should – I don't think my parents are shrinking. I haven't started to notice that yet. Although mum's – but mum's always been shorter than me, so it's hard to tell. Right. I don't know. Maybe her posture's just getting worse. Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's it.

Actually, maybe my mum just hasn't been standing up I just keep seeing her in a chair and I'm like wow you're shorter than I remember you right

and just the angle you can't see the chair legs so you think that's just her on foot and the times I've suspected it and I've gone oh I'll test this out

and I play the national anthem so she has to stand up all of a sudden she takes a knee yeah I guess she's shrunk even more and I've gone, oh, I'll test this out. And I play the national anthem. So she has to stand up all of a sudden. She takes a knee. Yeah. She's shrunk even more. Wow, this national anthem has magical properties.

And my mum's going on about black athletes in the NFL. I'm like, I didn't even know you knew anything about sport. What are you talking about? Thanks, Christopher. Thanks, Chris. Yeah, let's be friends. I think you seem like a... What do you think? Would you be friends with him?

Well, that's why I brought it up, because I just looked at it and went, that is a friendly name. Okay, right. Interesting. It's a yes from me. Because you wouldn't traditionally think tall people, I mean, maybe it's just me, scared off.

Yeah. But, you know, gentle giant type figure. Yeah, jolly gentle giant. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Well, this one will test you out. Let's see what you think about this. Here we go. Thank you to Magnus Fredriksson.

Wow. It's a bit of a more harsh edged name. Yep. Yep. Magnus. I don't mind Magnus as a name, I have to admit. I quite like it. Not sure about Fredriksson, but Magnus, I'm, you know, I'm, I Magnus, I'd be nearly considering whacking that in the boy name file if I was going to name a boy, name a baby.

Magnus. Yeah. I don't mind it. Something about it. Maybe because it sounds like magnet. Maybe I should just ignore Magnus and I just accept magnet as a possible boy name. That's actually sick. Yeah. Magnet. Maybe I should just ignore Magnus and I just accept Magnet as a possible boy name. That's actually sick. Yeah.

Magnet Chandler. Fuck. Within a couple of months, this podcast is pretty much like, I reckon 80% of the content is just us imagining the dumbest word that you could give your kid as a name. Plus Chandler. Plus Chandler. Yeah, just going, oh, fridge. What about fridge?

And then us looking at each other and there being a two-second pause and then at the same time going, fridge Chandler, and then just laughing for five minutes. It's a good formula. Yeah. It's working. Magnet. There's a lot. It's just a good word.

Yeah. And you know what? And I really like the visual. It just gives my head the visual of that cartoon magnet with the horseshoe shaped and the red most of it and then the white tips. Now, that's one of those things. Has that ever existed in the real world? It has. Has it really?

I've seen it before and I was overjoyed because as a kid when you see cartoons and then you imagine all of life like that and then it's not, you're a bit disappointed. Like dynamite and shit. Yeah. But then when you see a little bit of cartoon come to life you go fuck it is true yeah i've seen them selling magnets and me going i should buy that magnet just because i saw it on a mcgillig gorilla cartoon yeah yeah yeah and the the only practical application of that magnet in the cartoon is to like what there's like a car driving past and you're holding onto the magnet yeah and you're on roller skates yeah and then you're just pulled

towards the car but in the real world what possible practical application is there for a magnet shaped that way yeah what are people doing with them you just you know what you just dropped a bunch of pins and that's about it i think that's about it yeah yeah i've had a kid called magnet and i just because i love that image so much, I just made him dress in red, you know, all in red and then just had, you know, dyed white hair. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Just made him look like a magnet every time. Yeah, that's sick. And then whenever he walked past the fridge, I made him slam his head into it. You're constantly, he's never allowed to watch VHS tapes Oh yes Bad for them Yeah What about that Breaking Bad episode

Where they destroy the security camera footage By having a giant magnet in the van And it was like The first step of the season It's like This literally is turning into a Roadrunner cartoon At this point Yeah right

There was a I had a friend in Mirabar He was fucking bat shit crazy and he his parents ran the part ran a pub and uh i remember him just like he had a tv just like my tv like our family's tv which was like an old older tv um that they hadn't upgraded for for quite a. And their pub had this TV. And I remember being there going, oh, wow, exactly the same TV. That's unusual for an old TV. And then he just goes, yeah, look at this.

And he would put a magnet to it and just draw it around the screen and it would just pull all the color out of it. Yes, I remember that. I had a friend who would do that. Yeah. And it would just fuck the TV. Just to get a cheap laugh,

he was doing that in front of me and I was laughing and going, this is fucking your TV permanently. But he was like, I'm enjoying the laughter, so I'll just keep doing it. And so his parents would have walked in later and gone, oh, well, now we can't watch BTV6 anymore, because fucking we had to get Channel laughing at our TV being fucking destroyed. Now it's all black and white or whatever. Yeah.

Man. Old TVs were so fucked. Just how they, if you just left something on the screen for like an hour, it would be burnt in. And just the, I'm sure people have talked, not maybe exactly like this, but certainly talked about it. You know, the old dial where you have to just go the 360 dial all the way around. But of course, you've designed that dial in a time where there's no fucking TV channels. So, you know, there would only be two or three channels you'd ever use, but there's fucking 17 dials on there or whatever.

Yeah, they were hoping to upgrade. Right. But it just took fucking 40 more years than what they thought was going to happen. Yeah, well, it's like you've lived in this two-bedroom place for a long time before you had anyone using it. Okay. Well, I was only probably 18 months. Yeah.

Yeah. You lived here longer than 18 months, haven't you? No. Really? Is it that short? I think I've only been here for maybe two years. Interesting. I feel like it's been way longer.

Really? I feel like it's been way shorter. Interesting. Yeah. Again. Yeah. Longer. Funny old life, yeah shorter yeah we're

real opposites aren't we god it's a profound one today isn't it i know i feel like we're a really good mix today like we've really got um it's like one of those uh early morning tv shows where they deliberately get two people on that are going to be like are black people good or bad yeah right and we just butt heads yeah Yeah. They deliberately get someone from One Nation and then someone who's not fucked in the head. Classic early morning TV. Very, very much so. When do we start screaming at each other?

Yeah. Does that really happen? I don't know. I don't know. I think that's a very broad parody that's probably, you know, not true and not funny and not very original.

Tommy? My humblest apologies. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right. Thanks, Magnus, Magnet. Thanks, Magnus. Thanks, Magnet Fredrickson.

Thanks, Magnet Fredrickson. Yep. I mean, one of those great ones where we just absolutely chew into the first name. And in any other day, there'd be a lot to work with Fredrickson, but that's just left by the wayside. That was a name suggested by my wife if we had a boy. Fred.

I like it. Yeah. But Dave Thornton has a child called Freddie. So? Well, you can't do that. Why? I just don't think you should. But isn't that, but it's a girl.

Yes. Yeah, that a girl. Yes. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. All right. Well, it doesn't matter at all because we didn't have a boy anyway. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah.

It was just in the maybe pile. Fred is good. I like the name Fred because as we were talking, was it last week or the week before about the Flintstones? So the name Fred. Look, I didn't mind it. I didn't mind it, but then I thought, one of my friends has a kid like that,

and I feel a little bit weird about doing that. It would be a pretty great move to just, within a year, a good friend of yours having a kid. Same gender, exact same name. What a wild move. See, that is a that is a B story in Seinfeld, surely. Totally, yeah.

Yeah. There can be conflict off the back of that. Someone, you can see George Casanza being very upset about that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks, Magnus. Thank you to Patreon subscriber James Phillips. Oh. Yeah. Not giving us a lot to work with here.

Not a lot to work with at all and a lot to work with at all, and I hate to say it. Uh-oh. Getting a bit of a negative feeling about this. Oh, really? Don't know. Yeah. Don't know. You know what?

I share that feeling, and I might be wrong. I might be chasing shadows here, but I feel like this guy could be a bit stuck up. I feel like if that comes up on the friend Tinder, I'm thinking a little bit arrogant. Swiping left. Is it? I think it's no. No, yeah. Right. Yeah.

I don't think I need someone like that in my life. Yeah. Stuck up. I'm getting a bit of a meanie. Meanie, yeah. I feel like this guy's a bit too privileged, hasn't lived the hard knock life that I have. I won't be able to relate to him. Right.

Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with not being able to relate to the great unwashed Carl. Yeah. So you're thinking... I really am unwashed at the moment. I've come back from the gym. I'm still in my gym gear. Yeah.

I'm not feeling the cleanest I've ever felt. So you're thinking like Ralph Lauren. You're thinking boat shoes. Oh. Is that the vibe you're getting? I could see James Phillips on a clothes tag, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could see that.

Oh, you think it's an elite clothing brand? Yeah. Well, like you suggested, like Ralph Lauren, I could see that Phillips on a clothes tag, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could see that. You think it's an elite clothing brand? Yeah, well, like you suggested, like Ralph Lauren, I could see that. Mm-hmm. Maybe on the back. You know what? It's the sort of brand that they sell in rod and gun. Yes. I might be wrong.

Clothing for cunts. I might be wrong. I cannot shake this image. I cannot shake the fact that I keep seeing James Phillips in a sailor hat. Yeah. Okay. Right. On the open seas.

Yeah. I don't like it. I don't like that it's in there, but that's how I'm seeing you, James. And I appreciate the money you're putting in. I know I'm not trying to roast you. I'm not trying to say anything negative about you, but this is like I'm just getting a reading. I'm like some sort of medium. Now, if this was Magnet Phillips, oh, I think we'd be into that.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, totally. I think we'd be into that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, totally. I think we'd be into that big time. Oh, you put Magnet. You'd be hard-pressed to find a last name that's going to ruin Magnet for you. Magnet Bin Laden. Still like it. I'm into it.

Still like it. I'm really into it. Yeah. He would have been the guy trying to, you know, talk Osama out of it. No, he gets the planes close, but just so he can erase all the VHS tapes that are in the towers. No, he stops the planes because the planes have got metal on them. And he's just like... Right, so second plane heading towards the first one, the first two.

Yeah. And then they just, they get closer and it just does that. And to be fair, Captain James Phillips could be flying that plane. True. And then Magnet just pulls it away. Yeah. When you're a kid and the first time you do the opposing magnets. Yeah.

Weird. It's so weird. Very weird. Science is weird. I don't think I've ever talked about this, but there's, I know I've said that a lot and I could, you know, I don't know what I talked about last week, but here we go. But just the first thing you said was science.

Hang on, have I talked about this? There's a street, not a street, there's a road near Maribor. It's a little bit out from Maribor. And it's like an optical illusion. When you look at it, when you look at it, it looks like it's uphill. And then you roll a ball and it's downhill. And so you're looking uphill and you put a ball down and it rolls uphill. It's fucking weird.

You've never sounded more insane than you do right now. But that's a thing. It's an actual thing. What do you mean it's an optical illusion? Well, I don't think I could have explained it any better than what I did then. You look at this road. But an optical illusion, that implies that it's in some way man-made, that whoever built that road is like, this is going to really fuck people up.

That does not imply that at all. Optical illusion does not, if you looked up the definition, it does not say man-made. And it's downhill, but it looks uphill. Yes. So what's going on? I don't know. That's why it has the term optical illusion.

Why didn't you show me this when we went there? Because it's not at my house. It doesn't lead from the fucking lounge room to the bathroom. It's like 20 minutes out of town or something. You showed me the fucking fish and chip shop. Take me to this bizarre Escher. This fucking road that MC Escher designed. All right.

If we do another live show in Maribor, we will go there on the way. Group excursion. Please. I'll do it. You know what? If we do a show at like 6.30, 7 o'clock, we will meet at this road at 4 o'clock. Okay? Great.

Yeah. Great. We'll do that and we will all bring your b-y-o-b-y-o ball yeah ball bearings yeah soccer ball anything around name it yeah yep um but that was so far i was thinking about that the other day when we did the that maryborough pod that was so fun yeah okay well you know it's been a trip that you and i had to take in a minibus to pick up the big safe, your big filing cabinet, that was then rolling around behind us in the bus. Look, I appreciate everything that was done for us. Whoa. Yeah, done for us.

But that filing cabinet was dropped off at home afterwards and has never been the same since. What do you mean? What happened? Oh, it's sort of busted now. Oh. But we busted it open. No, but I think it got busted. Oh, it got more busted.

And now it's sort of a bit fucked. Oh, really? Now it doesn't sort of operate so much as a filing cabinet. At least I can never be locked out of it again. Well, yeah. I mean, what do you want? And at least I can never resell that. The filing cabinet that was locked for about 20 years because you lost the key.

Yeah. Now it's finally open. Yeah. Thanks, James. Thanks, James. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. This is, I don't think this has ever happened before. I don't think this has ever happened before.

We are about to have someone back-to-back with very similar names. Ooh. I don't think this has ever happened before. Let us know if it has or not. We just had James Phillips. Yep. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Edwina Phillips.

Oh, man. I really thought, I really hoped it was going to be Philip James. Oh, no. That'd be good. That would have been incredible. Yep.

Thank you to Edwina Phillips. Edwina. And I, you know, sometimes names come up and they ring a bell and you know who they are maybe or whatever. That would have been incredible. Thank you to Edwina Phillips. Edwina. Sometimes names come up and they ring a bell and you know who they are maybe or whatever. We don't need to speculate about Edwina Phillips because I've met Edwina. But you know what's weird is that there's a few Edwinas that listen to the pod. Oh, really? Or at least that are active on social media. A name that I don't think I had ever encountered out in the real world.

Now, Edwina, I would – look, my feeling is a bit of an older name. If I think of an Edwina, I don't imagine you could ever be five years old and have that name. I immediately imagine basically that granny that used to own Sylvester the Cat and Tweety Bird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the little glasses and the bun, hair in a bun. How do you sex up Edwina?

What's the abbreviation? Jesus Christ. Eddie? I do know that some people go by Weenie. Oh, really? That doesn't answer your question of how you sex it up, though, because that's in many ways doing the complete opposite. Yes.

Oh, Weenie. Edwina's, please, call me weenie. I'd rather not actually. Weenie wants the peenie. Yeah, I don't know. I guess Eddie. Eddie. That's all you get.

See, Eddie's cool. Ed. Eddie Phillips. Yeah, that's cool. I think that's it. Edwina Phillips. Thank you, Edwina Phillips. I have met her and i've mentioned her on a previous episode ah oh is this the ballarat this is the ballarat girl girl who right i beeped the hornet and uh scared her and uh she

was wearing an aware shirt wear a little dum-dum club shirt and i thought it was a joke a funny thing to give her a beep and sort of like let her know, you know, hey, check it out. The big man's rolled into town. Yeah, yeah. And I was also shaking my fist at her as well. And she did not see me or whatever it is. Good one.

Yeah. Instead was just seeing some idiot in Ballarat trying to mow her down with a car. Yeah. And sort of threatened her with violence, I guess. So, sorry. You talked about it on the pod and then she took it in good humour. Yes, definitely. She got on the Facebook page.

Yes. And I think she apologised to you. Yeah, she was very lovely about it all. So, living in Ballarat, where I used to live, and she, I believe, through the socials as well, I believe she's coming to Koh Samui. Ah, excellent. The final one in 2019, June 11 to June 16. So no word if she's coming to Copenhagen, but I believe she is coming.

So look, she's got time for a chance for revenge. She could mow me down with a scooter or a tuk-tuk or something like that. Give me a bit of a start. Yeah, an eye for an eye. Yeah. So, yeah, big chance of that happening. Well, I can't wait. Yeah.

Thanks, Edwina. Thanks, Edwina. And what's the timeline? It's four. I wanted to go to the gym after this. So, I would appreciate it if we could think about wrapping this up. We are both in gym gears today, aren't we? Yep.

I've got my little short shorts on. You are. You're showing a lot of skin today. You've got something I've always been a little bit scared of doing, which is you've got the singlet with no sleeves. Yeah. I'm always working out with the – That's what a singlet is. Yeah, I guess, yeah.

One of your special no-sleeved singlets, thanks, Mr. Adidas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll have a vest with long sleeves, please. Not sure if that's possible. Yeah, I don't know about that. I've always seen people in the gym with the no-sleeves on and thought, I don't think I can do it. I'm not going to do it.

Yeah, I don't know why I started doing it. I think it was mostly I bought a couple when I would just run. And I would run in the summer when it was like really, really hot. So it was just like I just need the least amount of clothing possible because it gets so hot. But now what I like doing is when I go and do weights. Doing weights in a singlet, the best feeling. God, it's good.

Do you look at yourself in the mirror? No, there's no mirrors around. No mirrors in your gym? Nah. Wow. Nah. You sure you're in a gym? That doesn't sound like a gym to me.

Hmm. Well, there's no mirror, but in place of the mirror, there's text on the wall that says, this is a gym. Right. So I am sure that I'm in a gym. It sounds like a trap, though. Unless the text is lying to me, but I mean, what are the odds of that? Okay.

I've never really heard of anything like that before. Does anyone in that place get you to do anything else afterwards? Yeah, there's a few exercises that I've never seen before. Like what do you mean? And scene. Sounds like you're the dumbbell. Uh-oh. Thank you.

One more. One more. One more. Okay. Well, let's get back on track with our initial plan. Would you swipe right for this person on your friend? Oh, yeah. Hang on.

Yeah, I'd be friends with Edwina Phillips. She seems cool. Okay, great. But that's unfair because that's based on me having seen her post in the group and be like, she seems chill. Yes. But even if I was just hearing the name, I think Edwina makes me think, nice person. Yeah. At the very least, harmless.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's see how we go with this last, sixth or seventh or whichever one this is. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Adolf comedy what do you think initial thoughts about either name well or the whole thing is one so the surname of comedy uh i don't know if it's spelt the same way, but it certainly sounds similar to an art form, you know, like the movie Anchorman or whatever. Right.

Like a funny movie. Right. Oh, Anchorman. Yeah. With Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell. Yeah. So, you know, you'd be laughing at that.

Right. That's a movie that I found very funny when I first saw it at the cinema. What about now? I haven't re-watched it in a while, but I think it's been kind of ruined by people quoting it too much. It's been ruined by the sort of people who like it. Yes, exactly. But so the word comedy, that gives me a positive, friendly feeling. Right.

Oh, you like comedy. I like comedy. Right. Now, the name Adolf. First thing that springs to mind with that is Dolph Dolph is the name of one of the bullies in The Simpsons Right One of Jimbo's little henchmen

Okay, right One of Jimbo's friends That's the first thing that comes to mind Yeah, Dolph Right Dolph One of those bullies One of the bullies

So In Tommy's speak it translates into a bully comedy Yes But then it's hard because it's like Yes, it's a bully It's a negative It's a bad character in The Simpsons Oh, you think that's bad, into a bully comedy. Yes. But then it's hard because it's like, yes, it's a bully. It's a negative. It's a bad character. Oh, you think that's bad, being a bully? Yeah.

Weird. Okay, interesting. Let's have a sit down after this. All right. But it's from The Simpsons. Right. I love the television show. Right.

One of my favorite television shows. Right. So I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm a big fan of Adolf Hitler. I mean comedy. Oh, right. Okay, so that's a yes. Great. All right.

So not only does Adolf Comedy subscribe to us and give us – hang on, let me check. Wow, that's nearly $70 a month. That's very generous. Well, it's up there. Is it $70 or not? It's up there. It's not quite, but it's up there. Not quite.

Nearly touching there. How much is it off by? So not only do they give so much of their money to us, apart from even knowing that, you would like to be friends with them off the basis of their name. I think so. That's great. Sounds like an upstanding, yeah.

What a happy ending. Say what you will about Adolf Comedy, but he's made the Patreon subscription run on time. Yeah. He's, well, I guess we needed. Was that a long enough bow? I guess we needed one more name to read out to finish off the show. And I guess that was the final solution.

So thank you. Thanks everyone for listening. It's been a real gas this week, hasn't it? Thank you. Thanks, everyone, for listening. It's been a real gas this week, hasn't it? Like we said, sometimes it can be good and sometimes it can be bad, these things. So you'd better judge whether this has been good.

It's all subjective. Yeah. That's what's great about life. Don't write in. Yeah, one of those weeks. Fine for you to think what you want. Also fine for us to not hear anything about it. Sometimes we just want to be wrong and not fix our behavior in any way.

No greater joy in life than just being wrong, knowing you were wrong, and then never having that qualified. Just being like, I know I'm wrong and that's enough for me. I don't need to hear the chorus of people chiming in. Yeah. We'll be right later on. Just, just,

just let's all forget this whole episode ever happened. All right, guys. So we got all the shows coming up. If you like the last couple of minutes of riffing,

come to see the live shows. Come to see the live stand up. Yep. Come to Costa Mili where you can't escape the island and you can, all you can do is hear this sort of Just overhear this kind of rot in the pool every day. sweetup. Yep. Come to Costa Mili where you can't escape the island and all you can do is hear this sort of

sweet entertainment. Just overhear this kind of rot in the pool every day. Yep. Brisbane, if you're coming to that, we will see you this weekend if you're listening to this

hot off the presses. It's filling up very quickly. Get your tickets. Don't delay. Huge live podcast. Great guests locked in and then, of course, all over the country,

all over the world, the solo shows, the potties, littledumbdumbclub.com for country, all over the world, the solo shows, the potties, littledumbdumbclub.com for all of that stuff. Get on the socials, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. We tend to try and put content on there, let you know about live shows, any other bonus little bits and pieces that we can ever throw at you,

remind you of episodes when they're uploading, all of that sort of stuff. And, yeah, like, we've got a Facebook group called People Aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club where it's a little bit of a community in there. If you want to be part of that sort of stuff. And yeah, like we've got a Facebook group called People Aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club where it's a little bit of a community in there. If you want to be part of that, do that. Otherwise, become a fan of the Facebook page, all that sort of stuff. Yeah.

Hey, really looking forward to meeting you guys at live shows. Yeah, it's about to kick off this weekend. We try and make ourselves available to have a beer, have a chat, whatever you want to do. We're always bringing the merch up. So at the moment, we've got shirts. We've got the books that are going really well, and they're a great product. Yeah, it looks sick. Full of great illustrations from T. Dasolo. We've got stubby holders.

We've got magnets. I think that's about all we've got at the moment. Yeah, that is it. Yeah, we've got plenty. That's plenty. Yeah, we've got three or four shirts, so that's heaps. So yeah, hey, we'll be lugging them around the country um come and grab some of that shit and we'll be happy to have a chat and all that sort of stuff if you want that yep um lovely all right that's it see you next week guys see you