The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 442 - Live! Mel Buttle, Nath Valvo & Nick Cody

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

Your favourite rockers are back in Brisbane for a standing room only show! After navigating the weird vibe in the room we welcome NICK CODY to talk about sending his dog away, MEL BUTTLE updates us on her love life, and NATH VALVO gives us a detailed description of Wet On Wellington. PLUS we let a listener onto the stage for a special VIP experience and there's an update on Juggernaut. Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up:MELBOURNE! We're doing another month of huge shows at the Comedy Festival. Saturday March 30, April 6, April 13 & April 20, 4:30pm.We're also doing an extra show: Late Night Dum Dum. Friday April 5, 11:55pm. LONDON! Third and final show is now on sale! Saturday May 4, 3:15pm.KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16. SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm. NEWCASTLE! We're heading your way for the first time. Don't blow it! July 28, 5pm. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Brisbane with guests Nick, Cody, Nath, Valvo and Mel Buttle. But first of all, we have to let you know, if you are in Melbourne, a good idea, something you can do, is go and see friend of the show, Diamond Dave Thornton. In his new show, Lean Into It, from the 28th of March until the 21st of April, 7pm at Max Watts, Friday nights in the Supper Room in the Melbourne Town Hall. You can find tickets from comedy.com.au. We've just spent the weekend with Thorno Interstate. So all that stuff you just said, is this an ad or is this just what you think? That's just off the top of my dome.

That's just a little brainwave that I just had. That's just an example of me being a bit random right that's just that's just a general tip if you want the listeners to enjoy like a night out yeah that's what you personally think i'm trying to weave it into the fabric of the show right without making it sound like this is just something we've been paid to say right which now that the that the cat's out of the bag, let's be completely upfront. Is it? Would not be saying this were there not some sweet bunts going into the Skyrocket. How much are we getting?

From Dave Thornton headquarters. How much? Can we say how much it is? No. It's a good amount. All right. But, you know, we both know, you know, we both know the kind of digs that Thornton's living in.

Right. So relative to that, it's not enough. He's got a fucking nice house. It's not enough, all things considered. He's got one of those fancy baths. Yeah. It's a nice amount for us to receive, but it's not a nice amount for him to give.

Does that make sense? That's very well put. Good for us. Dog act of him. Yeah, right. Just a few scraps from the table. Yeah. From the Lord. Yeah. dog act of him yeah right just a few scraps from the table yeah from the lord

yeah right that would be such a better name for this show right scraps from the table yeah with Tommy and Carl

yeah but folks Dave Thornton you've heard him on the show heaps he is in my opinion one of the best at this a great mate of ours

so yeah if you're putting together your comedy festival plans go check out The Great Man certainly also what you can do in Melbourne

is see a month of hour live podcasts at the Melbourne Comedy Festival we're about to sell out if we haven't already if you want a ticket get onto it March 30

April 6 April 13 April 20 at 4.30pm on a Saturday afternoon plus we've got a midnight show on April the 5th that's the Friday night

at 11.55pm officially guys we're so close to selling all of them if not Plus, we've got a midnight show on April the 5th. That's the Friday night at 11.55 officially. Guys, we're so close to selling all of them. If not, if we haven't sold them out already right now. I reckon by the time the festival starts, they'll all be done. So get on it. Looking forward to that. And thanks to everyone who's gotten in already. Very exciting.

Yeah, of course, Tommy and I have got solo shows as well. Go to the website to find out all the details about them. But you are on basically every night. Yeah, I start on the 31st of march i take tuesdays off but then every night until april 21 8 20 p.m at the cooper's inn i am at the european beer cafe straight after the live podcast on the saturday afternoon once you walk out the door of the live pod at 4 30 you can go downstairs to see my show at 5 45 um very loose hour of comedy you don't even need to walk to that one. You could just tilt forward at the top of the stairs and let gravity do its thing. Exactly.

Do nothing. Just thank Mr. Newton on the way down and let yourself tumble down there. Tumbling into the show the way this man tumbles into a comedy show. Yeah, so go and see that. It's Carl Chandler One Man Comedy Factory. And then we have all sorts of other live stuff coming up. We've got London. A few tickets left to that on May the 4th.

Then we have got... Koh Samui. 11th of June to 11th of 6... Fuck. June 11th to the 16th. Yeah. The 11th of 16th. Fuck, this is like forgetting your kid's name for you.

Fuck, I'm tired. We're both very tired. Sydney. Sydney, July... July 27th. name for you. Fuck, I'm tired. We're both very tired. Sydney. Sydney, July. Saturday, July 27. 27. Newcastle, July 28. Both of those selling

very, very fast. They will be sold out before too long. So once again, if you're keen on that, hop onto it very quickly. Go. This episode was really fun,

recorded live in Brisbane. Thank you to everyone who came out. Yeah, this is great. Yeah, so you'll find out what happened. We'll talk a bit more about it at the end of the episode in another episode of Talking Dumb Dumb.

Yep. And we'll talk about the Patreon as well. But until then, enjoy this new episode. Nick Cody, Nath Valvo and Mel Buttle. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

Sitting next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. All right. It is a standing room only gig. You guys have very thoughtfully left a pit for people to start skanking and moshing in up the front of this podcast. Man, when we planned this, we thought this is a rock venue. It's all standing.

It's going to be like this proper mosh pit, and it's ended up just being this awkward dead ball. I've got to say, Carl, fuck, it feels good to take the weight off, though, doesn't it? Oh, surprisingly, no big laugh from the audience that are all standing. So, that's weird. Man, yeah, this is a proper rock gig. Yeah.

When was the last time you went to a rock gig? You tell me what it is. I don't know. I mean, it's all standing. I mean, there are some wusses over there, like in chairs, in wheelchairs, you know, so people that are not getting into the vibe of the gig. Not getting into the vibe of the gig.

Do we want to try and get this gap closed in? That doesn't matter. Do you really want two people standing here? Yeah, this is good. This is more like it. That feels like something in a zombie film now. Alright, I take it back. You just asked for everyone to come towards us. Fucking hell. I feel like I nearly to come towards us. Fucking hell.

I feel like I nearly got Me Too'd by 50 people. Jesus Christ, that felt scary. I actually have goosebumps. And the tallest guy in the room happens to be right up the front as well. So now there's an eclipse going on for everyone at the back of the gig. Yeah, we're in Brisbane. Can every huge cut in the state just loom towards us really quickly? Well, the good news is no one's listening at home anymore

because this is just so obnoxious. I wish, guys, I wish this is an advertisement to come to the live gigs because you could be shitting your pants just like me right now. So, fuck, this is weird. Now it's just a lot of people standing within an inch of us going, well, you asked for it, so. Feels good, though. Feels good, though, being in a seat while everyone else is laughing. Yeah. I mean, laughing. asked for it. Feels good though. Feels good though being in a seat

while everyone else is laughing. That feels good as well. Big request of us to ask for podcast fans to stand for an hour but anyway, we did it and reluctant laughter there. I reckon by the end everyone will just be

sitting down cross-legged and this will be like a preschool reading session. Just nap time in the middle, yeah. Where's Spot? He's jumped off the Westgate. This is dire. Just lifting up the water, it's a little flap, his corpse is under there.

Yep, yep. This is punk rock, baby. That's the best possible punchline that could have come after then I lifted up a little flap. That was good. That was a good outcome. Man, what a fucking weird gig. For people that are at home,

we're in a rock gig. It's all standing. We didn't get any bar stuff until three minutes ago. So no one in here is drinking at all. We did our own merch, so we're looking very professional tonight. We're doing our own merch out the back. I was reminded we are in Queensland, especially by the fact that all the stubby holders got bought

and none of the books got touched. One book One book got bought And that was fashioned into a Star Beholder People just scared of it Throwing rocks at it The fuck is it? Is that the Quran?

Get it out of here Oh man Comedy's all about timing Isn't it? Oh right Yeah Anyone listening at home We recorded this back in January, so... 2001.

That doesn't technically make sense anyway, so, yeah. Shout-out to Egg Boy, by the way. What a fucking hero. Not to get too political, but, man, when that little cunt smashed an egg on that old cunt's head, by the way. What a fucking hero. Not to get too political, but man, when that little cunt smashed an egg on that old cunt's head, that was sick. Fuck. So topical we are these days.

This won't come out for two weeks. People would have forgotten all about that. Some cunt will be fucking assassinated by then. We've forgotten all about that. By the time this episode comes out, we will have definitely uncovered racist tweets from the Egg Boy. Like, no doubt about it. No doubt about it.

He'll be a villain by now, for sure. I, uh... Fuck. I'm just trying to think of what... You know, you bring up a subject like that, and it's hard to segue into what I was about to say, which was... I was on the train the other day and I was...

It's a big jump off the cliff. I was, you know what, alright, here's the segue. But the water looks cool, let's have it. Here's the segue, right, so you, you're saying that guy, hero, right, Egg Boy's a hero, right? Yes I am. This guy, my hero, I was on the train the other day with a guy that was eating a full chocolate Bavarian cake.

You know those chocolate Bavarian cakes? You know those ones like, you can get a home brand version of them for like $2. They're the cheapest dessert you can possibly get. He was eating a full one of them on the fucking train. I was like, I'm going to start doing that. That's... Like, I am nothing but a fan of over-e fucking train. I was like, I'm going to start doing that. I am nothing but a fan

of over-eating dessert. That's a fucking statement. That's fucking pretty bold. Yeah. Boy, I certainly hope we haven't dug up any racist tweets by Bavarian Cake in the next two weeks. Bavarian Cake boy. Yeah. Yeah, fuck. You should have just held onto that and thrown that at someone racist on the train instead of eating it.

Yeah, if you were going to stage some kind of political protest like that, if you were going to smash someone in the head with a food, what would it be? With a food? Yeah. Well, not chocolate Bavarian because that's a waste. Like, egg I get because, like, what are you going to do, eat a raw egg?

Yeah, exactly. What? Oh, fuck, sorry, Rocky just butted in out of the back. What's a, what's a, I mean, you know, custard pie. butted in out of the back. What's a... I mean, you know, custard pie. I've never eaten a custard pie. They seem to be specifically designed to smash into people's faces. So I'm fine with that.

Right, they're baked at the Acme factory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By Chef Rodroner. All right, we'll go back to Egg Boy. Fuck you. So what was he, was it still in its package? Yeah, yeah, yeah He didn't have a raw chocolate Bavarian cake in his hand Yeah, he was just sitting there with a mixing bowl

Yeah, yeah, yeah And I've picked it, I've gone, that looks like Bavarian No, he had the packaging So he gets on, he sits down and then he's like unpacking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In peak hour. At like 5, 5.30. Yeah.

So he's come from the supermarket. He's gone, I can't wait from home. From home. I need my dessert now at 5.30. Yep, yep. And hoed straight into it. And were you tempted to ask for any? No, I was taking pictures of him.

Really? Yeah. I don't know. I think we found the true weirdo on this trip. Finally, that upskirt camera being put to good use. You can't ask for some when this guy is eating a

chocolate Bavarian on his own and you go, can I have some? Because he's like, just using one fork and hoeing into it. You don't want part of something... Yeah, do the normal thing. Take photos. Yeah, well... I'd hate to be rude. Sorry?

At least he was using cutlery. You're right. Thank you. I'm going to take that as someone on my side. Thank you. It's very civilised and polite up here in Brisbane so far. Something's happened. It's changed.

I don't trust it. I don't trust it. I don't trust it at all. We should be having stuff thrown at us by now. Slight update on Hey, who's coming to Koh Samui? A few people. Nice one. No seats there either. Sorry, guys.

This is everything we do from now on. Yeah, you're just going to have to sit on a sandcastle. Sorry, guys. Updates on that. I've emailed again. I don't know if I said this last time, but I've emailed again. I'm trying to get an official sponsorship of the Coastal Movie Podcast Festival,

but an unpaid sponsor. So I've hit a national lampoon. Yeah, you brought this up in conversation the other day, as if it was something that I knew about. You very often were like, yeah, like last year when I emailed National Lampoon about Koh Samui, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? You are unravelling.

I think this was like two weeks after your kid had been born. I'm like, the sleep deprivation is fucking getting to you. You're imagining that you're in conversation with fucking Alfred E. Newman and co. Yeah. No, but like, they're famous for, you know, the European vacation, national vacation. I want to have national lampoon Thai vacation. All I need to do is sign off on it. I don't want any money.

I just want to be able to officially say national lampoons, Koh Samui adventure. You're not even using the same branding. Oh. Well, whatever. Koh Samui Vacation. That's good, isn't it? Well, if you just want to use the name and you're not even going to call it Koh Samui Vacation, you may as well just get Pizza Hut to sign on for free. Alright, okay, well I'll hit them up.

That's fine. I'm fine with that as well. That would be sick. A poster that's just covered in logos and we're not getting money from any of them. Well no one knows, like is National Lampoon even a magazine anymore? No one even knows it's a magazine. Just give us your fucking name because it'll be funny for me. You just want to have that

letter of them saying yes, go for it. With the letterhead and everything framed on your wall. Yes, and so I can officially use that logo on our poster without getting sued. Right. Yeah. Why don't we hit up Mad Magazine and ask for the usage rights for the lighter side of? No. That's not the same thing.

The lighter side of sex tourism. That's it. Hey, if that's what you get up to there, Tommy I like going there for the food Yep The cheap drinks Yep, that's two Running on the beach Yep, that's three

Cheap resorts Cheap resorts, yep And number five Sex tourism Alright Wait, what? They hear you and not you No, the pool was one of them

Am I right? Was the pool one of them? These guys have never listened to an episode This is a weird The weather Hey, I know what I like But was the weather part of being in the pool? I feel like the pool got a mention at some point.

Anyway, whatever. This is a weird vibe. We definitely should have seats from now on. Yeah. Instead of this dawn of the dead experience we're having at the moment. Alright, alright. What about the people in the seats though? How are they finding it? All right, all right. What about the people in the seats, though? How are they finding it? Oh, even they're not that into it.

Yeah, yeah. The people in the seats are too relaxed to laugh, and these guys are too weirded out to laugh, so it's just a perfect experience all round. Is there anyone who's enjoying standing more than they would be enjoying sitting? Yes. Interesting.

Okay. All right. Thanks for attending our town meeting. Town meetings, they give you seats. People would not be rocking up to a town meeting. That's pretty great. This town is in real trouble. We can't even afford seats at a town meeting.

How can we fix this deficit we're in? Yeah, we're here for the meeting. Who votes we all sit down? Everyone. So you haven't heard anything back from National Lampoon? No, no, not yet. So that's on the board. When we have our little dum-dum meetings,

we'll bring that up next time. That's pending at the moment. That's pending. Okay, cool. We'll have to go through the minutes from last meeting. So if you want to chase any sponsors in the meantime, who would you like to be in charge of the naming rights? And so this is the Carl Chandler School of Sponsorship where we get absolutely nothing from them other than just the usage of the name. It's not the perfect plan, but it's a plan.

Having the big Nintendo logo up the top of the Koh Samui poster would make my dick extremely hard. Yeah. No, that doesn't seem like something I would sign off on, though. Like, it's got to be something between the two of us. Oh, fuck. Okay. National Lampoon as well, then. That's a good idea.

Chocolate mousse. Yes. What else do you like? Everything else I know that you like is just Thai-based anyway. Thailand presents Thailand. Yeah, great. Liverpool. What if great. Liverpool. What if you ask

Liverpool if we can use their name? Man, so, someone hit me up last night and has guaranteed me tickets to go and see

Liverpool v Huddersfield when we go there, when we go to England. Victory. Man, I hope we don't fuck it before I get over there. It's going to be... Man, now I've got tickets. Like, if we lose the next couple of matches, I hope we don't fuck it before I get over there. It's going to be...

Man, now I've got tickets. Like, if we lose the next couple of matches, I'm going to fly fucking 20 hours across the other side of the world to watch us come fourth. It's going to be the fucking worst. So, as of this recording, where are you at? One point behind. One point behind?

Yes. Interesting. When I started, when I proclaimed that we're going to London We were eight points in front But anyway So what you're trying to say is it's your fault It's a coincidence is what I'm saying This is the opposite of like a coach

Trying to rev up a team By saying there's a little sick kid in the hospital There's a complete cunt out there Who's coming over boys So let's completely fuck this So that he's not happy Yeah I am the worst thing to happen to Liverpool since Hillsborough, so yeah.

Too soon. What about that egg boy though, hey? Speaking of Hillsborough, let's get our first guest out. All right. Can I do the intro? Can I do the intro? Can I do the intro? Please, be my guest. I'll be shocked if you know who we decided to bring out.

But anyway. There's only three of them. I thought we were doing five. No. Guys, please welcome to the stage our first guest. You'll know him as Australia's leading mummy blogger. It's Nick Cody. G'day, g'day.

Hello. Hello, everyone. Fuck, he's brought the... He's really brought that triple M mindset into the podcast. Hello, everyone. Do we do a song now? I said four words. Is there some ads? Can we do some ads?

How good is the actual comedy with mates? That's what... I fucking love this. This is so nice. Not many people are into it yet. I can see a few. We're getting there. We're building momentum.

I can feel it. I've never had a hello turn south so quickly. Honestly, I'm sitting here going, is my dick out? Is that what happened? Brisbane, that will turn them around. What's going on, mate? Thanks for coming, Cody.

What's happening? We've been talking on stage for about 15 minutes. We thought you might have been listening. Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were introducing me to do stand up or something I thought we were going to have a chat My bloody friends I am enjoying Brisbane very much

You're living here now? Absolutely not They always say don't say that on the radio And I just say it maybe 8 times a morning Going back down to Melbourne Home where I live So you're on Brisbane Breakfast Radio So everyone here is listening to you every morning maybe eight times a morning. Going back down to Melbourne, home, where I live, and will remain. So you're on Brisbane Breakfast Radio,

so everyone here is listening to you every morning, yeah? Oh, of course, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you? Who doesn't want to get up at 5.30 in the morning and do a fucking quiz, eh? How much sleep are you? Enough. What? Enough.

Enough. Enough for what? Enough that I've still got to do this shit on the side. I'm fucking thoroughly enjoying Brisbane. You know what I have gotten into is 4X Gold. I never thought I'd say that. The fucking Milton Mangos. I never got it because in Victoria it's cold Why would you have a mid-strength?

But here it's fucking 32 degrees at 9 in the morning You can have 25 of them Go to bed and you're fine You know what I mean? I get it I get why it's a mid-strength state What do you I mean you've been working for Brisbane Radio for a few

Like a month or two or something like that What have you learnt about Brisbane so far? You know what Like people bag, you've been working for Brisbane Radio for a few, like a month or two or something like that. What have you learnt about Brisbane so far? You know what? Like, people bag, you know, lots of cities. And my experience of every city, Brisbane, even... I shouldn't say it, but Adelaide. Like, our experience is always, like, you come in, you do a fun show, you have a few drinks with people afterwards, and you go home,

and you go, fuck, Brisbane's fucking awesome. And it's like, not everyone gets to hang out and get paid by people and get pissed and then go home again. That's not everyone's experience. What's your experience? What have you learned about Brisbane? So my dog Yumi has moved up here with my uncle and auntie. Hang on, your dog, and what sort of dog is it? Staffy. So why, you bought a Staffy like two weeks before you had a baby. Why did you send the

dog away? Instead of the baby. Instead of the baby. Fine. The baby would love it up here. It can shit itself it's barely wearing clothes. Fucking love Brisbane. I think it'd really get amongst it. Sorry everyone. I'm Nick Cody and I've sent my baby to a farm.

Doesn't sound sus, does it? No, because we fucked up. My wife had a pregnancy test and it was a negative. She's like, well, that's sad. And I go, well, fuck, we've always wanted a dog. Let's get a dog. Because I just thought my balls were ruined, right?

I thought, balls are fucked. You can't just have 20 beers a day forever and expect your dick to work. I think you're thinking of the liver. Mmm. The inside balls. The torso balls. Yeah, you can cut a bit off and it regenerates.

Just like your nuts, I hope. And then, yeah, like a week later, did another pregnancy test and she was pregnant. It's like, fuck! Dog and baby. Fuck! So, yeah, we got the staffie and the staffie's up here and the guys at Triple M asked me, it's like,

well, where's your staffie going? Where do your uncle and auntie live? And I said, fuck, I hope the staffie's alright. They live in Caboolture. Alright, so I'm learning that's bad. It's Queensland Werribee. Right. So, it's fine. The staffie fits in fucking great. It was ostracised in Melbourne, but here it's running for mayor.

Right, right, right. It's fucking taken over. You've got a dog that has a meth lab now. Right, right. So it lives... You've sent your dog to a farm, but it's actually alive. Yeah, right. Yeah, the first time that's ever happened.

It's really gone to a farm. It ate a cane toad. Really? How snappy is that? Normally that kills dogs. And that was like, don't need to give me dinner now. I've had a poisonous creature. Usually that kills dogs and someone just

goes, yeah. Oh no. Someone has a dead dog on the brain. When has your pet accidentally died? Give us a call. One, triple, three, five. Hooray, you win a meat trade. Tell us how your dog's dead.

Sorry, was the secret sound my dog's last breath? Yeah. What is it? What's the secret sound? Oh, oh, oh. Is it a vacuum cleaner starting up? So we found out, so we've never done this venue before.

We're in the Woolly Mammoth in downtown, beautiful downtown Brisbane. The 500th greatest city in the world yeah yeah okay downtown Brisbane someone goes oh are you from there sir few people from Brisbane

here tonight so we were finding so they never do comedy here this is a music venue this is a live music venue

and we were asking the tech before, you know, does he know anything about the venue? Has anything happened here? Surely there's been some big name bands or something. There was the great chair robbery of 2018. Didn't touch the till. They just fucked off with 300 seats.

There was a great dum-dum robbery of 2019 where everyone paid 25 bucks to get in. Didn't particularly find it funny, apparently. Did everyone know there was going to be no seats? Oh, okay. I bet there's at least one person who was called out. Anyone?

Is there? No. Oh, yeah, we know everything. Alright, shut up, cunt. No, but our numbers are down. Like, we checked the ticket sales last time. We are down about 50 or 60 people. 50 or 60 people in Brisbane that went, fuck that. I'll listen to it at home in a week with my bum on a cushion. So, fair enough.

Can't believe you gave me shit for not coming out with energy and then you give a ticket breakdown over your last tour. You can shit on me for my tails. Yeah, we can do our taxes up here if that'll light you up more. Mate, I'm happy to accept a nil all between me and you. So

we asked the tech and the tech said, oh, there was something that happened. There was a band here, I think it was like six months ago or so. There was a band here. I think it was like six months ago or so. There was a band here called Hardcore Superstar. I don't know that you should be naming the band. I don't know that you should be specifically telling who in the venue told us this. So I'll continue on with my story.

I've got a feeling the band that starts with the word hardcore got up to some mischief. You would not be surprised by this next story. So apparently they were playing here and someone went backstage. It could be anyone. Definitely the tech. Went backstage and one of the guys in the band

mid-set, so the band are playing here. Someone goes backstage mid-set. One of the members of the band, of Hardcore Superstar is having sex with a sex doll. Like, not even the... Cos there's the green room and then off that there's a room where they're storing all the mics and shit. He's not even in the green room, he's out in the equipment room

just surrounded by cables and shit getting stuck into a sex doll mid-gig. Do you understand why that didn't get a massive cheer? Or a like, what? We're in Brisbane. The one thing I have learnt is that they've got a thing called Rugby League up here. One man plucking a sex doll

wouldn't even make the back page of a paper. You know what I mean? The only thing in common with most of their stories is that the sex doll didn't a paper, you know what I mean? Yeah. The only thing in common with most of their stories is that the sex doll didn't say yes, you know what I mean? Fucking hell, rugby league. Holy shit, I came up here like, oh, AFL, they're up to no good. It is day after day. What the fuck is going on?

Isn't that a sign of like a bad band where they don't even have groupies that are alive? Or real. That is so funny to walk in on someone who's having sex with a piece of plastic. That's just like a really big condom. I just want to know the mindset of the mid-geek thing. You know what I mean?

It's like just going I reckon this next song could do without drums no one will miss it no one will miss the beat in this one now was it an inflatable sex doll flash the lights twice

if it was an inflatable sex doll. For people at home, that was a big ten-four. I quite like this one. Let's do a full interview. Yeah. So what... It was the... Twice for yes, once for no. Was the band member the drummer?

Bassist. Someone in the front row said bassist already. Do you know? Oh, well then shut the fuck up. To me, it's a girl in the front row who's standing there like this. So she needs to know from first any experience. Tommy acted like a sex doll right there. So we got no lights just then

I asked a question, we got no lights so that was a, you don't know was it a drummer or not? you don't know to be fair, if you didn't have your sticks in his hands while he's fucking a sex doll, you probably didn't know I just realised the thing about the inflatable sex doll is you'd have to clean it out

immediately once you're done. Like, that's not a job you just let deflate and then blow it up again and go, did someone leave a melted candle in here? What the fuck's going on? Drink more of that. So is it the sound of scraping cum out of your blow-up doll? You get a meat tray from Padamore's Meats

My happiness Fuck, we've got the scientist in. You've got cum and tears in this hole. Alright, fair enough. Hey, anyway, great sweet everything, guys. I'm just going to poke my head backstage and see which of our guests would like to come on next. He's going to poke his head backstage.

That's right. Don't be surprised if it takes me about 90 seconds to work out what's going on back there as well. So I looked up this band called Hardcore Superstar and the big giveaway was on their Wikipedia page. Their description, their first description is Swedish sleaze rock band. Fucking hell, they're really leaning into it.

And their most well-known album is Thank You For Letting Us Be Ourselves. I think someone should have stopped them from being themselves. Was anyone here at that gig out of interest? Damn, that would have been cool, but alright. You really fucked it, guys, by not planning ahead and doing the required reading.

Coming to that porno band. And good news is the Little Dumb Dumb Club is going to bukkake the woolly mammoth downstairs. Yeah, mid-rat dad, we're just going to sneak off. You have a 45-minute monologue. It's called my stand-up show, Tommy. I don't like it. Let's get another guest out here.

Okay. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Mel Buttle! Is this where I go? Yeah. Wow, she's so lifelike. What have you got for us, polyester girl? If only I'd cared enough to listen to your pre-show bit.

What's this all about? Now I heard someone's fucking a doll and bing bang bong, dum dum club, let's bring a bird on. Right on. Yeah. So it's gone for a bit, hasn't it? Sorry. That's all right. We should do less and bring our guests on quicker.

I'm sorry. At home they're just like... Skipping through all that, don't you? I'm skipping through the sweet Mel Buttle bit. No, through the bit that you just did for 40 fucking minutes. But that's our show. Is it? Yeah.

It's all preamble. Sorry. It's going well. You don't do that in London are you well we're scouting ahead to see what fuck things have worked in fuck venues over there and then we'll book in there and have something to talk about yeah nice anyway we've

we're back to the plateau here should we uh speaking of the standing stuff should we introduce a little thing that we were going to do for the people in the crowd? Oh, yeah, sure. Okay, yes. If anyone's legs are getting a bit tired at the moment, we do have an extra seat up here

that we're happy to auction off to someone in the crowd. No, we're not auctioning off. What is this, fucking Air Asia? What are you doing, man? Just kidding. It's not an auction off. You can take a seat on stage, but you don't get a mic And we get to talk about you

So Have you ever wanted to see Four comedians' backs? Yeah This could be the seat for you Oh it's coming Oh you're moving it around What do you reckon there?

No No don't get deceived with the talent Yeah yeah yeah exactly Exactly I don't want any fucking eggs Cracked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. I don't want any fucking eggs cracked on my head. So, yeah, keep it away from us. Yeah, so there you go.

You can sit there. Yeah, but they seem really keen for it. They're nuts, aren't they? Just one at a time and hands up and make your case briefly. Yeah, we really thought this would be the point of the gig where we were getting stampeded by fucking... I swear Brisbane audiences would love this show way more when they were sitting down. We've got to fix this next time. Lesson learnt.

But anyway, does anyone want to take the seat? The business class podcast seat? Up here. There's a hand up there, but you've already... Someone's already sitting down. You've already had a seat. He's already sitting. These seats suck. Yeah. No, you don't get it. You've already had a fucking seat. Oh, no. Oh, what? Right, no, hang on. You seats suck. Yeah. No, you don't get it. You're in a fucking

city. Oh, no. Oh, what? Hang on. You get it. Okay, hang on. He's playing his hand and he's trumped me here. Alright. No, no, no. No, no, no.

Alright, so Captain Hook. Alright. We've got a young man up here with an eye patch on. What's your name? James. James. Okay. And James, how's this season of My Kitchen Reels going for you?

Nah. Is it... I don't watch that shitty show. Sorry, man. Are you talking about our show or...? No, it's really funny. Do you watch half of it? Sorry man Are you talking about our show?

No it's really funny Do you watch half of it? Okay and dare I ask And let me remind you You are under oath Why the eye patch? I had a brain tumour I take it back

Daslo's got a real radar for the funny in a situation and he found it dare I ask and let me remind you you are at a comedy show why the eye patch to be fair he would have had the same answer if you had said

why are you into this podcast you were very wise to take the mic away and stop asking questions into this podcast. You were very wise to take the mic away and stop asking questions. Alright, mate. We've all got stuff going on. Is that comfy? That's how I knew

you shouldn't have asked because it doesn't look like... It's not a temporary eye patch. Eight out of ten. Right. I've always wanted an eye patch. Yeah. You need something, Carl. And I've always wanted you to have a brain tumour

So Oh wait can I have it? I mean can I wear it for a little bit? Does it do anything if you don't have it? Do you want me to tell you why I have it? No Hang on, if I put this on I don't catch Mic him up, mic him up

Okay, hang on, hang on Yeah, thank god I was just gonna I'm gonna revise my initial answer I was playing off the hardcore Swedish porno band I did the motorboat downstairs in the downtown Listerbran and there we go

I just remembered why we've never done this concept before It's risky isn't it Carl? It's a risk It's like the end of Nanette up here now, isn't it? Can we get another guest out quick? Hey, so you've got a fake eye. Yeah.

I've got double vision. You've got double vision. Yeah. Right. Oh. So you had double vision. Yeah. You've got double vision. Right. Oh. So you had double vision. Pink eye. If you're missing it,

he said he's also got pink eye. For me, not push baby. Oh wow, I love comedy. So it's not a fake eye? No It's not a fake eye, it's fucked Oh, for now

So the eye patch is just correcting your vision I guess, in a way So now by me having it I'm putting you back maybe a couple of years Okay, nice. Yeah. I don't know. No, I'll get it, I'll get it.

Fuck! No! No! And that was your final test. Your vision's fine. You found the passion on the floor. Surprise. I don't know what happened.

For a second I felt like chucking a blind man's dog in a bin. That's just what that felt like. What? That's what that felt like then. Oh, I thought you were saying you felt like doing that. No, no. God, this would be sweet. That felt like that.

Can we get our third guest out, please? Folks, our third guest for today, please welcome Nath Valvo! Yes! I'm so honoured to be here in my first Dumb Dumb Live podcast. I feel very welcome. You literally invited anyone else in the venue to come up

and perform with me. Before you brought me out, you literally said to the room, does anybody else want to be here first? This cunt gets on the stage before I do. I feel real welcome, Brisbane. The vibe of a blue light disco going off in here. Yeah, is anyone like making out during this gig?

What makes you think any of our voices would make people want to make out? Hey, after you heard about a brain tumour, anybody macking on up the back? Hey, they've heard about someone ruining a sex doll. They've heard about a guy having brain problems. Who isn't horny right now?

Yeah, question answered. about a guy having brain problems who isn't horny right now? Exactly. Yeah, question answered. Hey, we do have someone in the crowd who is of interest to a recent thing that we've been talking about on the show. Now, Nath, this show is on Patreon. People subscribe to us and we got an email recently.

Tommy talks to me like that. He knows I don't listen or care but go on tell me how you make your money we beg on the internet we have a new subscriber as of quite recently a subscriber called Juggernaut

a man subscribed under the name of a bull that he got semen from and he sold that semen from and he sold that semen and he's using that semen to pay for us on Patreon. And you've got to drink some, Nath. Prove it!

Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Can I ask, this is a genuine question, how much does semen sell for? That's a great question. Can we ask this guy? $5 a month. So, this guy... That's it.

To be fair, if he's getting $5 a month for that semen, that's some pretty shitty semen. Bad semen. That's bad semen. But also, we're getting 100% of it. That's great. Fuck. It's like South Australia when you collect your bottle caps to get some money at the It's not recycled semen.

It's... Well, yes, it is. Technically, it is if you're using it for something else. Okay, yeah, all right. Think about it. It's a carbon footprint. Yeah. Man, if these guys were sitting down,

this shit would be killing. People's hineys were a little more comfortable. So that guy... I feel like this is why Kurt Cobain killed himself. Just too many... Too many people standing in his gig, not getting good enough response. Fuck this. Boom.

So... It's a bit of a dark vibe in here, Carl. Why don't you do some of your stand-up to cheer us all up, hey? I feel like we're 50-50 on this. But so that guy, he's from WA and he's here today because he's used some of the surplus cash

from Juggernaut's nut to get himself... Hang on, so he's giving us $5 a month and then keeping the other $500 it costs to go from WA to Brisbane on the plane. Is that what that means? And part of that is buying tickets to see our shows.

Fuck. Yeah. So he's here. Where are you? He's in the... Yeah, there he is. Cool. Don't shake his hand.

But so, yeah, I was... That's how grim Jetstar is, is you can just pay with cum. Just go do a wank at a flight centre. They're like, yeah, we know, JQ17, that's your flight number. So I have said on the show that I am prepared after Comedy Festival, next time we're in Perth, I'm going to travel to this town where Juggernaut is and I am prepared to sing for our supper for one month. Are we getting to some sort of, you want me to give you tips or something?

Is this where this is going? I don't know why I'm copying all the semen chats. I feel like you've... You've listened to Cody once, or Mel, during this whole semen chat. It's been a long time, Nathan. Yeah. Yeah, look, I don't want to dance around it,

but you would have seen some monsters in your time, lots of tips. Carry on. Is that a patron-only video when you do that? Because I will pay if that happens. You have my promise. That'll get me over the line. I feel like it should be, yeah.

But I was asking him for... So this town is not in Perth. It's hours out of Perth. It's hours out of Perth. More population. What town is it? Yeah, what town is it? Hyden. What? Hyden. It's hours out of Perth. More population. What town is it? Yeah, what town is it? Hyden.

What? Hyden. Biden. Hyden. Hyden. What was the second thing you said? Hymen. I felt like you said Hyden.

Black Coff. What's it near? Wave Rock. Wave Rock. Wave Rock. Oh. Wave Rock. Okay, yeah, no.

Oh, Wave. Wave Rock. I was like, I'll come. No, I won't. I love Margaret River so I was asking I was asking Ben for some stuff

that we could talk about Juggernaut and he was he was kind of telling me all this stuff about like the population of the town and stuff and then right at the end

goes oh also Juggernaut was involved in the threesome once but I don't know if you'd be interested in that see the gig I'm like no that's the if you'd be interested in that see the gig I'm like

no that's the only thing I'm interested in that's like 15 bucks worth of cum but again it's like hardcore superstar you know what I mean

if you're called Juggernaut of course you've been in a fucking prison you're Juggernaut yeah so has Juggernaut ever come backstage here at the

Woolly Maus that's the question so the story is and thiss? That's the question. So the story is... Do they get the come out of him by making an inflatable cow? He then comes into and then we get that. I think they kind of... Don't they start... He starts mating with a cow

and then at the last minute they slip the fucking... the fleshlight thing on? Is that what happens? Sorry for using such technical terms. Is that how you do it? Yeah, is that right? Sorry to get all scientific, but you start with the cows be fucking,

then you get the cum bucket? Is that right? I studied vet science, everyone. Is that how it happens? It's like a big pocket pussy. A big pocket pussy? A big pocket pussy? A big pocket pussy. Yeah, it's a big long tube receptacle.

I used to work for a stock feed company. I used to work for Ridley Agri Products. And yeah, I've seen bulls do cums. Okay, and is bull cum like the Australian donner? Like it depends on what week that you put it in. Does it change in amount? Like, is it stock market dependent? You're thinking about the Vietnamese dong.

Oh, okay. My bad. They don't read it out at the end of Landline. They don't go, Bullcum up 500 bucks. I'm not sure. Buy now, buy now Oh the cock market report That's why I did the fundraiser for Townsville the other month

They were calling in every day All the bull cums washed away The flood took the jizz They were calling in every day. All the bullcums washed away. The flood took the jizz. So this threesome story, and the start of it is just unreal. So they hear it, of course. Hang on, so that leans on the fact that this bloke was watching the threesome. Oh, yeah, he's explained it in graphic detail.

I'm cutting this down a bit, if anything. Did he introduce the three of them? Was there a relationship? The bull and the cow relationship was getting a little bit boring and they needed a little bit of spice into the stockyard. They put their keys in a bowl. Right. So there was these two lesbian cows riding each other around. Fuck.

Go on. cows riding each other around. Fuck. Go on. Riding around in their Subaru, yes. Super Moo. So they've got a rescue calf and they're on their way to Bunny's.

Tell me more. And then Juggernaut ran up and jumped on the cow that was on top. Because he weighs like a ton, the cow on the bottom collapsed and face-planted the dirt. And after a couple of thrusts, they all fell over. Was pretty funny stuff. Sounds like a children's song. And then I love this caveat.

Sorry to stitch you up, Ben. Maybe just say that all the animals were all good in case these stories... Maybe say the animals were all good in case there are a few animal-loving snowflakes around that don't want to hear about a lesbian cow being crushed to death on a farm and then us profiting off it.

I think people who vote for all parties find that fucked. I like the idea of someone from Perth just looking at a cow with his hair cut too short and going, lesbian cow. And he cut as well. I can't believe after this show we're going to leave this venue

to go to St Paddy's Day in the Valley for some more wholesome stuff. I saw leave after this show, we're going to leave this venue to go to St. Paddy's Day in the Valley for some more wholesome stuff. I saw cow semen on the beach in India. I saw a cow do a bull do a cum. On the beach? On the beach. The dicks don't look how you think they would look.

I don't even know how they look. They're sort of spirally and really long, but not like sloths, not like a big... Like kind of thin, sort of. This was a... There were Brahmins, right, in India. And yeah, they're all like wild and free.

They just roam around the streets. On the beach? On the beach, yeah. They just like trot up the beach. Cow on the beach? Yeah. How good have cows got in India? They get to be on the beach and come on the beach on the beach yeah they just like trot up the beach cow on the beach yeah how good have cows got in India

they get to be on the beach and cum on the beach yeah fuck it stinks though doesn't it anyway cow cum on the beach

is a less tasty cocktail than sex on the beach cow cum on the Indian beach it's just milk and salt Nick Nick Hody how do you know Can I come on the Indian beach? It's just milk and salt. Nick.

Nick Hody. How do you know? Every man's tasted his own home brew, I think. To see if the pineapple juice worked. No. Just alone in a Brisbane hotel room, Just to see if the pineapple juice worked. It never worked. Just alone in a Brisbane hotel room, just set the alarm for 4am. The crushes hit rock bottom.

Triple M breakfast, but what is for breakfast? The warm breakfast. Trip name's Warm Breakfast. I'll have what I'm having. Sperm. I felt like we had a bit of a flat crowd here and then we talked about come for 20 minutes and we're back on board.

Finally giving the people what they want. I'm happy to keep talking about it, by the way, if you guys are. I do actually have a question. I want to know, all jokes aside, how do you know the cows were lesbians? Like, is that actually a thing? They both had badges.

Hang on, I like that response. It sounded like it was going to be, oh, they looked like it. So what was the answer? The answer was they looked like it. Nice. Great. Where'd they get those Birkenstocks? What's going on?

You know why that guy was like, he walked up to one of the cows, he's like, how about a fuck? She goes, no, lesbian. I was like, he walked up to one of the cows and was like, how about a fuck? She goes, no, lesbian. How about a fuck? Isn't that how you guys do it? That's how we guys do it.

We don't have to ask. What is it like? Which bit, Carl? But it just seems so fun, your world. Obviously fatherhood's going well for Carl. How's it to fuck a dude? It's a weird thing to get out of my situation. How long have you been sitting on these topics on these live podcasts? Like, Valbo's coming, finally, come, now's fucking, what's it like?

But every time I talk to like someone in your world oh my god hey tell us why I'm not going to you

do you need someone who's half Italian Carl I've already got someone who's half Italian but I want to

ask this so let's do it guys come on but like every time I talk to like a gay dude it's

always like oh yeah I'm just going to go out and fuck, I just met this guy a minute ago and we're going to go

and fucking do this. I'm like man this is like a fucking amazing world. Is it as good as it

sounds? Yeah. Do you want me to get out of the way of being in the middle of your table?

Have you seen Mardi Gras? They're not crying, it's not a fucking Anzac Day march. They're having a fucking... They're having a fucking belter. That's what I'm trying to say. Different uniforms, but it's a march. Thanks. That's a growl, that one. You'll get that.

You'll get this one back. Yeah, look, I've been... I've not... I've got a partner and I have for five years and we're not open, Carl. Oh, right. So, you know, we're good boys. Right.

But when I was a single man, I was very happy. Yeah. I could have signed up to your Patreon a thousand times. I was like... The collection I had. No, tell them about places like Wet-on-Wellington. They wouldn't... I don't know. Really?

Yeah. Well, yeah, I suppose as, you know... I've been in a relationship for 11 years. I just want to hear anything. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. No, Mel's hit the nail there. It's like the most intriguing thing I think about,

you know, what we can do if we want is we have sex on premises venues that straight people don't have. Really?

So we still have legal sex on premises venues where you can go to, there's one still in Melbourne, it's open, very legal. Are you allowed to fuck here?

I don't know. Carl, where's this going? I just, I'm so... I should... I'm really taking it back to them. I'm asking for someone else. Yeah. I should level with you,? I just, I'm so... I'm really taken aback today. I'm asking for someone else. I should level with you, by the way.

This is Juggernaut. It's a cute little nickname I have for it. I feel like this is like Q&A now. But yes, it's... I'm Juggernaut. We're going to WA so you can whack me off. Yeah, yeah. So, Carl, you arrive at one of these premises.

You can decloat. You can put your clothes in a locker. Like all of your clothes? Whatever you want, mate So you walk in the door of a nightclub And you take all of your clothes off And you put it in a locker And then you walk in the rest of the night And by the way, I've never gone to one of these

I really haven't, I'll tell you if I had But you can, and then you can go to a pool Meet some guys, you can go to a spa And then there's corridors with rooms in them Just do some laps Just do some moon laps. Marco! Polo! Tommy, you don't

close your eyes in one of those venues but anyway amateur mistake. I'm getting excited. So you can go into a private booth or a room and you can, with someone that agrees with you, you can go in together and use

one of the rooms on the premises on the venue and there's condoms and a vending machine for you, there's lube

and a vending machine, all for free because you've paid your entry fee, all inclusive. And do what

you want and then you can have a shower and leave. Thanks for describing this fuck party like a lawyer would.

You enter the premises and you get clothes. But if someone agrees with you, you sign a contract. I'm a sucker for a good sales pitch. Where do I sign? Oh, and some of the rooms have toys and equipment. So some of the rooms have swings. Like Nintendo? No.

Fucking nerd. I'm talking like a liar. I'm talking about the good shit. Swings and stuff. Some of the rooms have swings and leather plays. Tommy, in these places they're up to a very different

type of filthy casual. Anyway. There are swings and there are slides but it's sliding in your butthole. Oh god. In your butthole Oh god In your butthole You should be jealous

You're 58 Butthole's a funny word I agree I'm with Carl Thank you Thank you There you go Pretty fun

Man It sounds fucking great Let's get Wet on Wellington to sponsor the Costa Mui podcast Maybe right So Wet on Wellington to sponsor the Costa Mui podcast. Maybe.

So Wed on Wellington is a bar in Melbourne. That's a sex on premises venue in Melbourne. A sexual premises. Sex on premises. I like the word sexual premises. Okay, sure, you can do that. Is it in Collingwood? Yeah. Josh Thomas once said, that's a public pool if you want to go for a swim, go in there.

And when the door opened, I went, oh, it smells like a public pool. But it's not, is it? No. Got tricked. How did you go in there? Oh, he just, I didn't go in. I just like, he was like, go in and have a look. Yeah, I know you love swimming.

You love pools. And I was like, oh, I love a fucking dip. And the sliding door opened and then I was like, and then there was like go in and have a look yeah I know you love swimming you love pools and I was like oh I love a fucking dip and um and the sliding door opened and then I was like and then there was like a weird desk and I went oh this no this is this is for guzzling cum this is

this is not for me to do a couple of laps of fucking breast stroke and then float around for a bit yeah is there a win on Wellington in Brisbane? Yes. In the Valley, it used to be called 29, I think. I don't know where it is now. It's on the next

street down, it's on Wickham Street. It's got a red awning because red means roots. So what happens in there? I've never been in. It's only for men. It's not for lezzos. Oh, well that's what I'm asking. No. There's men it's not for lezzos oh well that's what I'm asking no

there's no sex on premises for lezzos well that's what I'm asking don't you have a place for your mates no

yeah my house and they move in after being in for two months and then there's no sex on premises oh sorry I forgot your place dry on Wellington premises. Oh, sorry, I forgot your place. Dry on Wellington.

Yeah. Emotional conversations on Wellington. How is your love life going? Blossoming, Carl, blossoming. So last time we talked to you... You never ask how I'm fucking. You're married like me.

Boring. So, last time we talked to you, you had just broken up with a long-term girlfriend, smoking. You just hooked up with a new girlfriend, smoking. Correct, yeah. What are we up to now? Got a new new one who's also smoking. Oh!

Yeah. Fuck yeah Oh She is, yes Mel showed me photos last night I'm going to sign up to you and you I've got to get all of this happening Her name's Lucia What? Accidental threesome happening again So you're bisexual

His world sounds awesome his world sounds awesome her world sounds awesome bottom line Carl's horny have you been have you since

have you you know either of you actually yours is a bit older yeah you've gone back to revisit the scene in the crime

yeah yep you've gone back to revisit the scene in the craft yep so you have I've spent the place for fingerprints oh they're mine Carl have you gone back there me?

it's been four and a half weeks so no it's been four and a half weeks so no it's people disappointed she's still got fucking stitches in her what's wrong with you sorry does her mouth have stitches in it, Carl?

These are all very good points. All right, you're the new hero of this weekend. I can't believe I'm getting out triple M'd by Bob. Give me a call. 13 24 10. Is your cat transgender? Cody, Robin and Marta in the morning. So, Nate, you said these sex on premises places have an entry fee.

What is the entry fee? Someone laughed at the wrong bit and I'm with you. An entry fee is a very nice thing to charge for. First of all, what is it? And do they do any special deals like a bottomless brunch kind of thing? I know none of you... I know what you can eat. I know none of you believe me, but I've actually never been,

so I don't know how much it is or what it means. I picture the pool having so many loads in it you float like it's the Dead Sea. Try and get your head under. Try and get your head under in that pool. You float. You can't do it. You can't do it. Do you want to come up the deep end?

Eye in the pool? No. I don't know. How much do you reckon it would be? Would it be 50 bucks? Would it be 20 bucks? What would it be? 30, 40? 30, 40.

Yeah. That sounds like a good deal. That's a good deal for unlimited routes. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good. You're mad at yourself. Yeah.

There's a market in Brisbane for a lesbian club, is what you're saying. No. No? That's not how my, is what you're saying. No. That's not how my people work. Oh, really? No. How does it work? Well, you find a straight girl and then you chat to her on Instagram for three months and wear her down and

then you invite her over for some soup. Guess what the soup is? Pussy! And then my son rises the next morning, she's your girlfriend. It's easy. Yeah, this makes the fucking sex club sound archaic.

Yeah, it's easy. It's like, oh God, I've been thinking about you heaps. Can I do anything? I want to be there for you. You just, like, spoil them, and then before they know what's happened, they're gay. Yeah, it's really easy.

So how long have you been with this new girl for? Two months. Two months. Can we, just for context, can we quick see a photo up here, just so I know what I'm dealing with? Oh, Jesus Christ. You're the creepiest old man in the world.

What are you doing? What are you doing, Garth? I don't want to talk about someone when I don't know what they look like. Guys, let me remind you. You didn't ask Nathan. It's been nine months and four and a half weeks. He could go off at any second. Hang on.

Oh, no. Where are you going? Winch? Back to your fucking seat. Winch. I'll show you two photos, Carl. Champion. Bing, bang, bong.

He's fun to whisper,'t he Yeah this will impress you Don't say her name out loud But that's what she does Don't say her name Never heard that phrase She does that for a job You like that What's that

Soccer cunt Oh Oh That's what she was doing Alright And then that's her Very nice Yeah

Thank you Nice Is that not a very creepy exchange? What am I wrong? Is that little bit going to be patron only, that little minute exchange? I don't know. That girl just walked out the front row, so I'm sorry about that. He's had enough, yeah. Who's Mel putting her fingers up?

Patreon only. Maybe we can chat off air, Carl. Yeah, yeah, sure Look, the line's blurred I don't know what to ask now and what to ask later So, yeah Well, it's a

She's not publicly Right Oh, really So even though she's playing for a professional soccer side she's not I would have thought that's implied at the very least

That's what I thought. Does the ball go near her and she just points and goes, boo? She's playing for the other professional soccer side now. Yeah, no, so I can't... It's still, like, a secret for a bit because she's just come off dick and into pussy, so... So I always want a bit of a mourning period for a bit. Right, right.

Yeah. Matthew enjoying your first live dance? I'm super, I'm genuinely, I did not believe that was going to be the points when I walked out here before. No. Sex class. I've got heaps of dumb shit written down here,

but this shit is gold. This is way better. Yeah. This is educational. Yeah, man, this is a whole new world. We could sell this to schools. Yeah. Carl's like, no Koh Samui next year guys

We're going to Wed on Wellington Everyone Finally This is looking better This looks like Everyone's giving us A standing ovation

And you're correct You're correct That's why you did it Yeah I feel like We try and crowd surf At the end of this But no one will want to

Touch us after what They've done to us. These people are disgusting. That was just a short burst of reaction, just everyone going, yes, you're right. So it's a month, a month or two months? Two months, please be respectful. And that's like five years in. Huge.

She's seriously, like we've had a chat about her moving in already. Fuck, what are you doing? Yeah, well, I can't, well, I can't tell you, Nick. But you'd be like a, you know, you'd be chased after. I mean, you're on TV. Sometimes. You're an icon. You'd be an icon.

Never the ones I want, though. Always the short hair, angry ones. Oh. With a head like that. I'm like, nah. No, thank you. Nah, just the babes. Some have messaged me on Instagram.

Yeah, she got a message. Do you want to come for a beer? And she's like, I don't like lesbians like you. I'm like, bubble, it's me, Cody. No, I'm not that sought after. It's not like they're not all... After I broke up with Sophie, I probably got three girls just

in my Insta sent me some nudes. That's it. Oh, is that all boring? Sounds like hell. Sounds like me on my deathbed going, I did pretty good. Three nudes in the DMs? Yeah. Bucket list tick.

I can die now. Yeah. What a life. What a magical life. He's just waiting for three nudes in the DMs. I reckon Nath, Tommy and I can sort him out pretty quick. So he can end it. Shit, that's water coil.

Guys, knock yourself out. Go with a fourth. Are we all waiting on me? Okay, alright. I wasn't the crux of this. I'm just wondering if you've run out of questions or if you have anything else you'd like to ask. You seem like you could do this for another six hours. Honestly, I've got so many questions.

I'm just figuring out the ones that you won't tell me off for. That's all. Were you close before that, before this recent relationship? Have you had any... Because you had a very pretty girl. Stop laughing. These are real questions. So I went from Sophie...

Yeah, so last time Sophie, gorgeous, gorgeous girl. 9 out of 10. And then I went to a girl who lived in Lismore that I was talking about on this podcast. But she was a nurse with a prescription pill addiction. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. But she wouldn't share.

And that's why you broke up? Well, she broke up with me. Oh. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, so I went to a vegan, vegetarian Christmas in Lismore with her family. Then the next day she broke up with me.

So... That sounds like a suicide note. Oh. I went to a vegan Christmas in Lismore. Oh, fuck. Are you okay? What did you do wrong at the picnic to get dumped? I don't even know if it was about that. I think it was more just, well, she kept going,

I'm overwhelmed, I'm just so overwhelmed by all this. And I was like, well, you weren't overwhelmed when we were in Hawaii together, were you? Who paid for that flight? Me. Right. Yeah. Nice.

Not the one with the prescription pill addiction. Normally they're so good with cash. Just ask Fleety. Hey guys, don't laugh at Fleety. He's been saying he's off the gear. I believe him. I mean, sure, he hit me up at 3am for money, but whatever. Like, literally last night, 3am.

That's when you send off your business messages, don't you? No laughs, just sadness. That's when you send off your business messages, don't you? No laughs, just sadness. Sorry, I've grown up. People going, I can't believe we're saying this, Carl, but please tell us more of your lesbian theories. That was more palatable. Can I just use this forum that you've provided me with for one small job?

Because we are in Brisbane. So I write a column in the Courier Mail on the weekends, right? And I got some feedback from a woman to my column, which I don't appreciate, as my mum would say, right? And she's ripped into me, and the newspaper's published it, right? And she said, blah, blah, blah, blah, I was disappointed with columnist Mel Buttle's habitual folk-finding critique of everything her mum says or does.

Perhaps with Mother's Day on the horizon, Mel, you can cut your mum some slack and select easier targets for comedic value. That's from Pip Berry of Mount Gravatt East. Does anyone know Pip? Because if you do, get in touch. It sounds like your mum.

Do you actually know her? No, it's Fraser Anning and a whip. All right. Bradle? So just so we know, Eyepatch Man is still on stage. I just got a text from someone in the audience saying, Eyepatch Guy swapped eyes.

So... You don't got to You do have to Surely that's how you recalibrate You don't just keep one covered Does anyone know science? How do gays and brain tumours work? Guys

We're not leaving until we have the answers to both I skipped a couple years at school. I need to know some answers, guys. Who thought they'd come to Brisbane and leave wiser for it? That's what I want to know. No offence, but...

Yeah. So, yeah, I can't take a single fucking knock. So, yeah, I want to find her. You'll track her down. Jesus Christ. And convert her. And make her my new girlfriend. We'll see how she looks.

You'll be meeting my mum in a month, you fucking idiot. Yeah, no, anyway, so Pip could be, Philippa could be short for, anyway, have a think. And do let me know. And listeners at home, you know, write in, let us know. Nationwide, get, yeah, email into fuckheadanddickhead at thispodcast.com or whatever their email is. Fuckhead and dickhead, nice. Who's who out of fuckhead and dickhead?

I don't want to say that. I don't want to be rude. I'd hate to find out I was fuckhead. Jesus Christ. Embarrassing. Well, are we just about done Oh hang on Should we mention

There's been a present Left on stage Oh yeah okay This is always a bit of A roll of the dice Whether it's worth Bringing up but I think this is the way

To do it though Save it for the end So that if it goes Bad we can just Cut it out What's that Did somebody crash a car Into this stage

What if I could Tie a teddy bear? Thoughts and prayers. It would be very nice of someone to buy you a bear, Tommy. Are they calling this podcast a car crash? Is that what they're getting at? We've talked a bear to the speaker. When you came to Nwet on Wellington,

point to where they touched you. When you closed your eyes for five minutes, you're far ahead. When did you touch that bear? That big hairy bear. Right on the bear bum. Alright, well this is a gift that someone's left you for your daughter, so cool of you to say that stuff.

Oddly nice. So, I got the heads up about this So it says To Comedia May you learn your dad's ways Oh no And it speaks And I believe there's like

A programmed thing In the Cold Child Services Get her dickhead I'm slightly extra worried about it because based on what I am going to be a dad.

So how Teddy Bear plays our podcast? Fuck, how early can my child kill itself? Hi, dumb cunts. Hi, dumb cunts. You are the dumb cunts choice. No, you dumb cunts. I'll fuck at you. Why not fucking mention you dumb cunts, Michael?

What a dumb cunt. I'll be genuine, I'm not proud of you, dumb cunts. You're still a dumb cunt, I'll be genuine, I'm not trying to be a dumb cunt. You're still a dumb cunt, though. I'm a dumb cunt. I've mentioned dolls for dumb cunts on the other side of the world that I've never heard of. Oh, thanks for making the effort, dumb cunts. We're both not listening at home. Tommy has the mic to the teddy bear.

If we have any sway, then. Look at Mr. Dumb Cunt, I'm not any sway, don't. Gee, I wonder what your... I wonder what your kids' first words are going to be. I fucking knew Queensland would have different builder bears up here. Do you want it to say cunt, or do you want... It's for a baby. Yeah, no, you want it to say cunt. Little's for a baby. Yeah, you want it to say cunt. Little Ted, Big Ted and Dumb Cunt Ted.

Fuck, how does Tommy laugh that much at that and you don't laugh at that? Oh, the master at work. Little Ted, Big Ted and Cunt Ted. When he says it, it's funny. Well, thank you. It's still playing, it's funny. Well, thank you. It's still playing, by the way. How many times did I say cut?

Not there. You know I don't wet on Wellington with it. And much like the crowd, Carl is left wondering when will this thing stop? And much like the crowd, Carl is left wondering, when will this thing stop? All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week here on the little dum-dum club. Folks, thank you so much for coming out. Give a big round of applause.

Thank you, Bono. Nick Cody. Nate Balbo. We got there. Captain Jack Sparrow over there in the corner. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, guys. We got there.

And welcome once again to another installment of Talking Dum Dum. My name is Tommy Dasolo. We have a... And with me as always. Yes. And he's about to say his favorite catchphrase. Hi. Please welcome to the show –

What's happening now? Carl Chandler. Hi, Tommy. Yeah, hi, Carl. That's your classic catchphrase. Yeah. Hi, Tommy. I say it to everyone.

Yeah. Yeah. We have a segment on this show where we check in to see if – Oh, is this like where we sell mops and vacuum cleaners and stuff like that? No, no. That's not a segment. That's an ad. Right.

We have a segment on Talking Dumb Dumb where we check in to see if a certain event has transpired once more. Like the weather? Yes. It's like – It would be great if the weather was just from yesterday. Because all the news that you're seeing on the news, it's stuff from the past. So why aren't they going, look, it was 20 yesterday. We called it wrong. That's a fact. Like you're supposed to report on facts from the past. Yeah. So why aren't they going, look, it was 20 yesterday. Yeah. We called it wrong. That's a fact.

Like, you're supposed to report on facts on the news. Instead, you've got this fucking astrologer cunt up the end of the show going, oh, this is what's going to happen tomorrow. Fucking is it? Yeah. Oh, in a week from now, pack your umbrella. What do you know? Get Karen Morgul to do the weather at the end.

Great. Oh, for Pisces, it's going to be 22. But for Aries, it's going to be 31. Yeah. Why not do it? Yeah. Why not speculate more, but for Aries it's going to be 31. Yeah. Why not speculate more? You know, have more speculative segments on the news. Have more speculative crime. Like, I reckon someone's going to get raped tomorrow in Moorabbin.

Fucking hell. They just find some guy on the street and they're like, look at him. This cunt's getting up to something in the next week. Mark my words, he's going to do some shit. Yep. Anyway. That's kind of what fox news is i guess one of those um you know those websites where you see uh like they have like sort of slightly comedy websites you go you check in and go is fucking jeff goldblum still alive a slightly comedy website you mean like little dum-dum.com thank you you check in it goes is jeff goldbldumbclub.com? Yes, thank you. You check in, it goes, isjeffgoldenbloomalive.com and then it just comes up

and says yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You check in every day. So that's what we need for the end of the show. Have they done it again? Refresh. Oh, hang on, let me go.

I'll enter it in. Right. Havethedoneitagain.com. Yeah. Yes. Right. Okay, thank you. Great.

Is that website up, is it? Yeah. Fuck, we've got to... We better be up by the end of this episode. When it comes out. There's no way that's a real thing. I wonder if that's available. Have they done...

No, I want to... I mean, I put it in before. I'm just re-putting it in because I closed the browser. Yes. You did on your phone before. Now you're doing it on your laptop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Havetheydonetagain.com.

There's a site called havetheylostit.com. Server cannot be found. Fuck. There's a site called havetheylostit, and it's about, it says the liberals have gone off the rails. This is the home of conscious conservatives. And there's links to like Breitbart and all the fucking wacko stuff. Well, we don't want to be affiliated with that.

Shout out to all the right-wing, the right-leaning listeners of this podcast. You fucking weirdos. Yeah, there'll be some. But anyway, happier news, guys. Havethedoneitagain.com. I think it's available. Get on it, guys. Why don't we get on it?

But yes, no, someone else get on it. We've got shit to do. Yeah, we've got shit to do. I dare say you and I both have, not to, look, not to pump up our tires too much. We have more important things to do than registering the domain, havetheydoneitagain.com. It does sound pretty good though. But anyway, in answer to your question, yes, I've done it again.

Great. Yes. Thank you. I've marked that down. Yeah, hey, live Brisbane episode. Thanks everyone from Brisbane for coming out, everyone from Brisbane, for coming out, despite there being, for the first time ever, a drop in numbers in attendance

because some of you cunts didn't want to fucking stand up for an hour. Yep. And look, lesson learnt on our part. Yep. You know, this podcast, if nothing else, is all about personal growth. And I'm not just talking about the rock-hard erection I get from doing content every week. There'll be seats next time, guys.

We'll never do an all-standing podcast again. But you don't know. You don't know unless you try these things. I thought it would have been fun, and it was fun to a degree. It was fun for us. But some of you literally voted with your feet. So, yeah, it was content. It was something.

Yeah. It was a fun episode. I think – I feel like – and we did talk about this during the show, but I feel like – Gay sex? Did we? We did, too. Almost exclusively. That's right.

Yeah, it was interesting. It was interesting. We thought it warmed up as it went along. The audience wise I thought people were a little bit weirded out at the start Because they're just standing And it's like this is weird A big chasm in front of us at the start of the gig

Now shout out to the person Hopefully it all came through on the recording You understood what was going on But we got someone on stage I think I believe I believe that's the second time maybe During an episode Or so that we've gotten someone on stage. I think, I believe, we're talking about this, I believe that's the second time maybe during an episode or so that we've gotten someone on stage. So the idea was, yeah, as you heard, we had a seat and we thought, well, everyone's standing.

Let's get someone up here. Yeah. And it'll be funny. We'll get something out of it. Last time we did that was in Adelaide. So both times we've done it, we've pulled someone up on stage that has never, is not a listener. So this guy, he's sitting on stage.

We're having a lot of fun with him. He was wearing an eye patch and everything. Immediately after the gig, like seconds after we've walked off stage, he barges into the green room and goes, that was great. Never listened to a single second in my life. My friend just dragged me along. And we, all of us, were in tears. Yes.

The way he sold it, the way he delivered it, one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life. And also, there was a bit of tension there to start with because he just burst in with the eyepatch on. And it's like, we're going to get stabbed with a cutlass in a minute. It was alarming the way he did it. I love that guy, dude. I hope he's listening.

Yeah. I hope his friend hooks him up with this app. He was fucking weird. He was very weird. Yeah. Yeah. And he was and he was yeah anyway but shouts out to him he it was funny that he put up with us giving him shit about having a brain tumor in spite of not knowing who you know like i'm going well this guy's a fan so he'll be fine with this right but for him it's just like two strangers going yeah you got something cut out of your noggin, you stupid cunt. That was good.

Good stuff. Good on him. And, yeah, again, always nice to meet all the folks in Brisbane. We had a great time afterwards. We stuck around and had some beers. Thanks to the guests that were on. Nath Valvo making his live show debut. Good stuff all around, I thought.

Yeah, very fun, very educational. Good time. Always good times in Brisbane. Can't wait to go back again. Yes. And see all of your little... Little fannies. Little fannies. I was about to say fannies, actually, yeah.

Yeah, just nice and comforted. Yeah, not all stood up like that. Yep. So thank you. Thank you to Brisbane. We'll be back. But plenty of live shows coming up very soon. Like we said at the top of the show, Melbourne's almost sold out for this year.

Get on to that. We've still got a live show on. That midnight show has got more tickets than the rest of them. There's a literal handful with the other ones. But the midnight one, there's a few more. So get on to that. Man, it's going to be so fun. A literal handful of tickets for London, I think, left?

Yeah, very close to some. Yeah. Koh Samui, of course. We can fit plenty on that fucking beach. So keep it coming for you guys. There are still people making decisions now. Guys, it is not too late to get time off work, to use that code on the website, Podcast19.

All the links, all the information, if you go to our website and you go littledominoclub.com, Costa Mui, it's going to be a fucking ball. It is guaranteed. People keep asking me, oh, it's not the last time, though, is it? It definitely is the last Costa Mui podcast festival. Yeah, we're not going to do it again. It'll be great.

We'll find a different idea. We don't necessarily have to go anywhere or anything. We're just into different ideas. We're not locked into dragging people overseas every year. So, yeah. It'll be heaps of fun. Great guests locked in. You've got Dugo on the podcast as well that are coming along with us.

Yep. You just get to see something different as well. Heaps of great guests. So get on to that. Yeah, it's going to be awesome. Yep. Starting to get really revved up for that. And very quickly, Sydney and Newcastle are close to selling out as well, I believe.

So that's in July? Yep, end of July. Great, great. Any other business to attend to? The solo show's coming up. I just did mine for the first time in Canberra. We did the Canberra podcast that you'll hear in a couple of weeks. But thank you to everyone who came out to my solo show last night in Canberra

and sold it out. Very enthusiastic crowd. The front of house lady got up at the start of the show and said, can everyone use up all the seats because it's completely sold out. And then people started cheering, which I thought was very cool and nice. So thank you to all of those guys for coming out. So the show starts in Melbourne for me, March the 31st until April the 21st, 8.20 every night at the Cooper's Inn.

I take Tuesdays off. really happy with the show there's a lot of fun stupid shit in there um a lot of fucking around a lot of good stories and shit so yes looking forward to seeing all you guys there and then the great man saturday afternoons immediately following the live podcasts in the same venue carl chandler's One Man Comedy Factory. Yeah. Now, people have seen my shows before, a lot of one-liners, a lot of stuff like that. When they saw the shows that were like people heckling me,

this is not that, but it's close to that. It's going to be pretty fucking loose. So I honestly think it's – I'm trying to make it the way that I think specifically the podcast listeners like it. So if you saw the heckle shows and you thought, Jesus Christ, there's a bit too much structure in this. Yes. I'm trying to make it the way that I think specifically the podcast listeners like it. So if you saw the heckle shows and you thought, Jesus Christ, there's a bit too much structure in this. Yes. This is the show for you.

Exactly. I wish this guy would loosen up. Yes. Stop taking it so seriously. It's meant to be fun. Yeah, exactly. So that's what it is. So get along to that.

One More Comedy Factory. Only four shows. So get along to that. One of our comedy factories. Only four shows. So it'll be fun. Any other business? Have we got anything else coming up? Have we got anything to follow up on from previous episodes? I'd like to follow up on some sleep from last night that I didn't get. Oh, me too.

Yeah, we just got put on a fucking 8 a.m. flight after we'd been out for beers. And yeah, we're a bit buggered. We're a bit tired. I didn't even really have that many... My show was late and then I went to bed late and then had to get up at 6 to go to the airport. So we are rooted.

Alright, so... So much so that for the first time ever, we're doing this on my couch. Yeah. We're doing it relaxed style. Yeah. It feels good, I've got to say. It does feel good.

Maybe we should do this more regularly. Is your back okay? Because you're just leaning against the wall. Yeah. I'm okay with that stuff. You're on my ottoman, or as my dad would call it, my poof. Whatever happened to that? Calling it a poof?

Was that a 70s thing or something? Because my parents called it a poof as well. It should make a comeback. P-O-U-F, I assume? I don't know. What if I got that cushion that you're sitting on, on the ottoman, and I just got a custom-made one that's like a print of Elton John's face? And then people come in and I'm like, do you want to sit on the poof?

Yeah. I mean the ottoman. It's just so old school to go, who's a gay person? Elton John. They haven't come up with a better one since him. I'm not going to update my references. They really broke the mould when they made that one. I mean, I updated it after Liberace,

but I'm not going to do it anymore after him. Yeah, that's it. P-O-U-F. A tuffet poof poof-er, as in P-O-O-F-E-R. That's good. P-O-O-F-E-R. That's flying very close to the sun. Or hassock.

Is a piece of furniture used as a footstool or low seat? Very weird. Puffer. It's a good piece of furniture, I've got to say. It's inessential, but I tell you what, when you get one in, if you're on the fence, you get one in, it changes your whole room. It's good because you can use it for different things. You can't use chairs for different things, but you can use a poof, a poofer for several different things.

You can lean on this. You can put a laptop on there and sit on the ground and use it as a table. Yep, yep. Sometimes I kind of lie out on it like a little mini day bed. Sometimes, like, yeah, I have stuff sitting on it. You can lift up that cushion that you're sitting on. There's storage under there. Yeah, right.

If you buy a second one, they can have sex together. Yep, and then all of a sudden, you're swimming in them. You've got a litter. You've got a litter of puss. All right. I think it's bedtime soon. I am. I just got a text from my wife saying, you're allowed to come home now.

I'm home. Should we say that's the reason we're doing this now? Yeah. We would have done it later in the week. We were coming back from the airport and you were like, fucking hell, I've got to kill three hours because my wife's not home yet and I don't have my keys. I'm locked out of my house.

Yeah. My baby is asleep. Anyway, but now she's home. She just texted me, which makes me go. The baby? Yeah. Yeah, baby came home without my wife. Hey, we do a thing most weeks up the back end of this show

where we thank everyone that subscribes to us, that pitches in money to us. It keeps this podcast afloat via the website, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. And, of course, I don't know if you've ever mentioned this before, but you get a free magazine, you get bonus content, you get an episode, depending on what tier of contribution contribution that you give us um and

what you also do you go into the mix of having your little name read out possibly uh with a middleman that we call because it's its name uh the untitled uh unplanned title alternator yep uh so fuck i'm tired um i'm gonna play soccer soccer today. Yeah. How am I going to go? I'm going to have a nap. Yeah. Boy, you'd better have a nap. Otherwise, you might be a bit cranky when you're out on the field. Well, none of that.

It's cranking it right up today because most of our good players aren't playing today. So there's a bunch of ring-ins. Now, people, it's a comedian team. So for people that don't remember or are new listeners, we have a team that's made out of stand-up comics called Greg Larson's Rat World. And I play for them. Greg Larson doesn't play? No.

Never played? No. Never even been to watch? No. Never been to watch. Even when we made the grand final, we said, come and please watch. We named our team after you.

Come and watch. He goes, okay. Then he didn't come. So I get a bit cranky on the field um a key way to make me cranky is make sure that our team isn't very good and then i get very mad okay because we lose and our my teammates make very stupid decisions okay or don't try right and uh so today we got a lot of players out so there's a lot of ringings today and generally ringings come in and they don't realise what they're in for. And they think they can just dandy around on the field.

Well, they're giving up their Sunday afternoon for a social soccer game. They think this will be fun. Yeah. Surely to God, this is meant to be a fun activity. Man, you've got to fucking work it. I mean, A, owe it to your teammates who want to win. But B, I'm a figure in Australian comedy. They need to be impressing me.

They want to gig somewhere. You want them to kiss the ring. Exactly. By scoring a few goals. By at least running a bit, please. Come on, cunts. It's not that hard. So who's playing today that people who listen to this would know? Oh, I don't know.

Oh, okay. I don't even know who's in the team today. Not many, I don't think. I don't think anyone. Right. I think we're still scrambling for players, which, like I said, if we're losing, I'm going to fucking lose my rag. Yeah.

I can't wait for this update. Yeah. I'm not looking forward. I'm kind of thinking I should pull out for the sake of the team. Yeah. I'm better off at home. Yeah. I'm better used to them at home.

For the sake of them having a pleasant end to their weekend. Well, also, I won't get sent off. So they'll be able to play with a full team. Ah, okay. Right, right, right. Yeah. I think you should probably do that. It is a weird thing to hit someone and go, for the good of the team, because I don't

want you to be a man down, I'm not going to turn up. Yeah. It's also like you've got a new child. You've got a million things to do. You've had a big weekend and you haven turn up. Yeah. It's also like you've got a new child. You've got a million things to do. You've had a big weekend and you haven't slept. Yeah. I would say those are all better reasons for pulling out than for the good of the team.

Yeah. All right. I'll work it out. Fuck, I want to play though. I love playing. Oh, okay. It's great. Yeah.

So let's crank up the… The unplanned title alternator for another week. We'll do a random number of names, but to be honest, folks, it's going to be less than usual this time because we're fucked. I'd say, I mean, last couple of weeks, what are we, 20, 30? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. We love doing it.

It's like you with soccer. We love playing. Yeah, yeah. We'll try and keep it under 10 this week. There we go. All right. Thank you. First cab off the rank.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Philip Gretch. Gretch. G-R-E-T-C. No. No need for a T there, mate. G-R-E-C-H? Yes. Yuck.

You don't like it. Nah. Phil Gretch. I think you're pronouncing that, you're saying it Gretch. Yeah. There's no, you're putting a T sound in there. It's more like Gretch. Well, you pronounce it lunch, don't you?

You can, you can. I guess. But it's just, it still seems, I think you get, you're giving this guy too much is what I'm saying. I don't like it. I'm off it. There was a guy, this is close to my heart, this name, because when we were growing up, there was a manager of KFC came to Mirabarra. Right?

KFC came to Mirabarra. It was a big day. I bet. It was pretty exciting. People lining up out the front. Honestly, yeah. I think you're doing it like a joke, but that was true. Like people got excited.

No, I guess I knew it would be true, but the truth is funny to me. Your life is funny to me. So growing up, honestly, to sell newspapers, I've talked about this before, I'm sure. They used to put on the front page, oh, McDonald's might be coming to Mirabar. It was like this absolute, like, white whale. Talk about fake news.

Yeah, yeah. We might get fast food. Yeah, yeah. Because we never had anything like that. So people were like, imagine, imagine if we had McDonald's. And then KFC just come and it was like, oh, that's pretty exciting, but still, it wasn't quite McDonald's. People were not quite as excited.

That would be so good if, like, the front of the Herald Sun was just like, is International House of Pancakes going to come to Australia? Yeah. Oh, man. Seriously, it was honestly like that. So the manager of KFC, his name was Eugene Gretch Cumbo. Okay, right. Just a funny name, Eugene Gretch Cumbo.

But Gretch, G-R-E-C-H, spelt like that. It looks like the sort of sound effect that you'd see in Mad Magazine. Yes. Or like someone spewing. See, the T in there saves it. I go, that's a name. It's an odd-sounding name to me, but it's a name. This, I go, you're a sound effect from a comic book.

Right. Grow up. Get the T. Dip into the savings and put a fucking tea in that surname so when i moved to melbourne i played in an indoor soccer team with a couple of my mates and then a couple of their mates and stuff like that and we played with a guy called eugene and so we just used to yell at him on the field and go, Gretch Cumbo. Great. Great move. Yeah.

Great move. So he just, we, like I was. Punished with the surname of a person that you'd met once. Yeah. Great. Yeah. And I didn't even know the guy, Eugene Gretch Cumbo. So then I ended up forgetting his name was Eugene because I was just like, oh, his name's just Gretch Cumbo or Gretchy.

Yeah. We just called him Gretchy. Yeah. Great. Great. G great great i don't know why it was always pronounced like that gretch combo combo i mean combo on the end is a gift for a name that you're going to yell out on the soccer field yeah just another ad against having hyphenated surnames for sure yeah pick a lane fuck heads yeah well thanks gretchy thanks gretch Cook us some popcorn chicken, you fucking idiot. Phillip up. Phillip up. No, it's not going to work, is it?

Phillip, Phyllis up. Not, his name's Phillip. Can I get Phyllis up? No. No, Phyllis. Phyllis is a good female name. They should bring that back. 100%.

Phyllis. You could have. You had the opportunity. I did too. Phyllis Chandler. 100%. Phyllis. You could have. You had the opportunity.

I did too. Phyllis Chandler. Can we make a permanent segment of the show and actually have a jingle for it where we just laugh at attaching a name to Chandler? Yeah, this last week. We've been doing it flat out for months now. Can we get a jingle, mate? Of all the – like you having a kid and you go, well, in some way it's going to change the show

because it's a new thing to talk about. Of all the ways that that could have gone, that that could have panned out, I'm rapt that this is it. Right. Just us saying, what if you'd called your daughter Fuckstick? Yeah. Fuckstick Chandler. Yep.

Ha, ha, ha. Could someone make us a jingle for, what would we call the segment? Laughing at baby name. Oh, yeah. Chandler, potential Chandler baby name. yeah isn't it catch combo combo uh yeah something like someone make us something we'll make it a regular feature okay every week we'll have one name we'll do one we'll have a good old laugh we'll do one name every week yeah unlike the dozens of names we do within this hundreds sometimes thanks gretch number two thanks gretchy thank you to patreon subscriber interesting alex williamson not the comedian

who's been on this show once yep but a listener called alex williamson interesting way back in the archives you're sure it's not the same guy? I'm pretty sure. Right. Yeah. I've seen this guy on the socials because the name stands out because it's the name of another comedian who we know. Yeah, and I always get confused. But I never dig deep. I never do any research.

For example, looking at his profile picture to see if he's smoking a crack pipe. Yeah, yes. YouTube comedian Alex Williamson. YouTube comedian Alex Williamson. YouTube superstar Alex Williamson. It's funny how comedy works, isn't it? I mean, we do stand-up, but we do the pod, and that's sort of... Doing the pod is sort of verging on being YouTube comedians. Basically, normal comedians look down on YouTube comedians.

That's how it works in the politics of stand-up comedy. I think a lot of YouTubers, though, they don't really do any stand-up to start with. Yes. They just start putting videos up and then they get big off that and then they go, Oh, I guess I could capitalize on this by doing stand-up. Yes. Whereas podcasts are more like comics all enjoying talking shit. Yes.

Oh, let's start an extra thing that I just put out into the world. I agree. That's my way of justifying what is essentially the same beast. Yes. Making myself feel better about it. Yes, yes. From profiting off one of the most stupid developments of the modern era. Yes, I agree with all of that, Tommy.

Alex Williamson, I said generally regular stand-ups look down on YouTube comedians. I'm not saying that about Alex Williamson because I think he's very funny. That's why he was on the show that time. He's genuinely a very funny guy to talk to. I've literally never seen his stand-up. Me either. I believe it would be good because he is funny. He's a funny guy.

But, yeah, we've probably talked about this on the show. We've probably talked about it on the episode. We've probably talked about it on the episode. But, fuck, when we did that episode with him, he ripped about four bongs before he started the episode. He turned up and he said, do you mind if I have a bong in your backyard before we begin? Yeah, and this was like at 9 a.m. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, it was very early. And then he came inside and we sort of chatted for like another like two minutes before we started recording. Yeah. And by that point he was like, oh, I need to.

No, no, we went to hit record. Then he goes, we go, all right, you ready to go? All right, one, two. Oh, guys, sorry. Just one more. Yeah. One more.

It was every time he came back in, we just chatted for too long. Yeah. And then he got restless and needed another bong. And I think that cycle happened honestly about four times. Right. Just him, just the kid getting to the bottom of the water slide

and then immediately getting back in the line to go on it again. It's just so funny. Just the idea of people still bottom of the water slide and then immediately getting back in the line to go on it again. It's just so funny. Just the idea of people still using bongs these days. Just I don't know anyone that smokes bongs anymore. Anyone else I would feel bad about saying that. I guess that's the beauty of being a YouTube comedian is like nothing we say can damage him. No.

He has no like public persona that we can like drag through. You know what I mean? It we can like drag through that you know what i mean it's not like wait you mean to tell me that this guy does bongs yeah i like him he's a funny guy he's a fucking yeah very uh wild and loose person yeah as he portrays himself but yeah self-proclaimed and you know what folks he ain't whistling dixie he's the sort of guy that my friends that aren't into comedy hear me and go, do you know this guy? This cunt's funny.

Interesting. Thanks, Alex. Thanks, Alex. Let us know if you, like your namesake, pull five bongs before you listen to this episode. And people listening, if you've got the same name as someone that we know or who is relatively famous in any way, if you could subscribe

so this read can just be us talking about public figures. Another person that we actually know some details about. If you're called Elton John, hit the old subscribe button, please. Do you want to do a bong on stage? What if we did that? I've never done a bong. Right. So if I'm ever going to do one, that would be you want to do a bong on stage? What if we did that? I've never done a bong. Right. So if I'm ever going to do one, that would be the way to do it.

Publicly at a live podcast. Maybe the drunk cast I can do a bong for the first time. Fuck. There's no way. We've got security at the drunk cast. I mean, I could go outside around the corner and then come in. It's legal. Well, you know what?

If you smoked a tobacco bong, that's legal. Surely you can do that on stage. Well, it's not legal to smoke inside in any capacity. Can you smoke? What can you smoke inside? I could go onto the balcony. The balcony's right there. Can you vape bong?

I don't think you're even allowed to vape inside. Oh, right. Okay. I think I could be wrong, but yeah. So at the drunk cast, is there a chance you can do a bong on the balcony? Yeah, because those windows look onto the crowd. Yeah. So people could turn and see me doing it.

And then I just run back on the stage. Fuck. All right. Legalize it. I'll be there in one of those ruster hats with the fake dreadlocks. Please. Fuck. Legalise it I'll be there in one of those Rasta hats with the fake dreadlocks Please Please Fuck Just Cue up Buffalo Soldier

For when I get back to the stage Let's make it a Rasta themed podcast Oh yeah we should do a theme this year Yeah Should we do a theme? Let's have a think about it A theme for the drunk cast But Rasta's not so much

Is it It's like You know that Like Smoking Weed is kind of like Tied into reggae music and stuff But the bong No It's like, you know, that... Like, smoking weed is kind of, like, tied into reggae music and stuff. But the bong... No. It's not so much affiliated, is it?

No. Is the bong a white man machine? I think maybe. Yeah. It's very, like... It's very Kevin Smith. Right. It's just...

You and me dressed as Jay and Silent Bob pulling bongs on stage. No, thanks. On fucking Easter Monday.ay no yuck fucking oh he's movies kevin smith he sucks not for me kevin smith sucks oh that's the official dumb dumb club statement yeah glad we're in agreeance and agreement with that yeah um good all those movies fuck i tried watching a few of them. If you like those movies, you are wrong. I liked Morats when I was like 15 or something.

I doubt it would hold up. But I liked it and that was the one that his fans didn't like. Right. I watched Clerks when it first came out because I was quite into movies right at that stage and it was like a very alternative movie. I remember it was made for like $25,000 or something like that. You went down to the little art house cinema at Maryborough. Exactly.

The Nova cinema, the Keno Dendy Maryborough. Yes. The art house drive-in that we had down there. That's great. And it's just a really, really small car park that can only fit about four cars. There's just this tiny screen showing art house movies. It's actually a really really small car park that can only fit about four cars there's just this tiny screen it's actually it's actually a tv in a garage the art house drive-in yeah great just a garage and if the film's really depressing they give you a bit of hose to like run from the yes through the window fuck thanks thanks alex alex uh and fuck you kevin smith clerk yeah i watched it clerks and it's

just like oh i think i i think i convinced myself i liked it right at the start and then yeah i i wasn't i was always off it yeah just so shit and boring clerks too one of the worst things i agree i watched that truly i went around to a mate's house someone had it on and it was it made me fucking ill yeah i was like i feel the world is worse for me having watched so bad oh so bad it sucks um thank you to patreon subscriber lauren andrew oh like that there's that? There's mixed signals going on in his name. I really like the name Lauren. This is the name equivalent of Bugs Bunny putting on a week of lipstick. You're not fooling me.

You rascally wabbit. The Lauren is the bright red lipstick and then the Andrew is the bunny tail. It's the big rabbit cock. At the back of the dress. The swinging hair cock. Imagine a guy that is that much of a repressed homophobe that he's like, meets this girl, smitten by her, just immediately gets that vibe and then finds out the last name.

And it's a man's name and he just can't do it. Yeah, yeah. He's like, just feels gay about it just because she's got a man's name as a surname. And then goes, then things are the perfect solution. He goes, will you marry me so you can take my name? Let's get hitched right now because my last name is Pussy. hitch right now because my last name is pussy a repressed homophobe who's grown up with the name pussy oh fuck i guess that's why yeah i guess that's why he's got that because he would have

copped it all through school yeah that could be reason. This might be the deepest thing we've ever written in the show. This is like, this is genius. I think the word... This is up there with the work of Charlie Kaufman. The word... This is dense. The word written does a disservice to the pen, what we're doing at the moment. That's a great offence to the parchment and quill.

Sorry to Mr. Biro and all of his descendants. Up yours, Bic. Lauren, though. Attractive first name. Agree. We've talked about this before. Did we both have a hot girl at school called Lauren? Yeah.

Yeah. Good stuff. Oh, you know why? Because we fucking read her name out already a couple weeks ago my god i fucked it that's fine though because whatever we've done here is a far better riff than what we did the first exactly happy for you to have fucked it because we got that great that great the homophobe with the last name pussy yes that's good that is seriously good shit yes because now because i was thinking fuck we only had a lauren because i was

talking about Lauren Bellhead. Right. A couple of weeks ago. Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've done all that.

Fuck. I was thinking, this is too good to be true, having two Laurens. So instead of that, let's go with, thank you to Patreon subscriber Michael Schneider. Schneider. Interesting. What do you think about that? I'm going to put my cards on the table. Right.

And I think this – you won't be into this, but I think this is fair enough given my age. I, for a time, was a fan of the work of Rob Schneider. I understand that. Yep. Yep. Juice Bigelow, right in the sweet spot for me when it came out. I think I was probably like 15. You know, I'm not. Yep. Juice Bigalow, right in the sweet spot for me when it came out. I think I was probably like 15.

You know, I'm not against him. I know you're insinuating maybe I don't like him, but I just have never watched any of his movies. Okay, right. Yep. Right. So I don't care. Juice Bigalow, I thought it was really funny.

And just coming along and it's like you're 15 and it's like this movie that's in cinemas. And it wasn't rated R or anything. You know, they were smart about how they rated it. You could go see it. It's like you're 15 and it's like this movie that's in cinemas and it wasn't rated r or anything you know they were smart about how they rated it you can go see it it's like wow it's just this guy who gets paid to have sex right and he's ugly right that's cool right and then uh i convinced myself that i really loved the animal oh yeah the movie that he was in with uh australia's very own michael mike fuck michael keaton what's his name the guy from the castle oh is it keaton uh caton michael caton yep yep who then who then claimed that do you remember that when uh uh then michael caton made that movie with poor strange bedfellows

strange bedfellows yeah and then adam sandler and kevin james had that movie with Paul Hogan. Strange Bedfellows. It's called Strange Bedfellows. Yeah. And then Adam Sandler and Kevin James had that movie called I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Yeah, right. And Michael Caton was going around for a while claiming that Schneider had stole, he claimed that on the set of The Animal, he was like, hey, I've got this great idea for a movie. Right. Where two guys pretend to be gay to get tax benefits or whatever it is.

Right. And he reckons that Schneider just went and told his mate Sandler. Right. And ripped him off. Great. it is. Right. And he reckons that Schneider just went and told his mate Sandler.

Right. And ripped him off. Great. What a bizarre, like, thing to want to claim ownership of. Yeah, that's great. That's my shit in the toilet bowl. Yeah. I did that. I wish all of a sudden Adam Sandler had to come out with a movie where it's like, okay,

Adam Sandler stars as a guy who has a house near the airport. Cool. And it's Adam Sandler putting on crazy voices going, where's the jousting sticks? How much of – It's the vibe of the – That's him in court. And Annabo.

Fuck, we've done it again. Adam Sandler in the castle. In the rebooted US castle. In the rebooted US castle. Fuck. Michael Schneider. Oh. Michael Schneider As opposed to The guy from Jaws

Roy Scheider I think so Yeah It always confused me It's a weird name to have How did it confuse you though? Well because you just see it

Without reading it properly You just go let's Schneider I don't have to read any further. I don't have to look into that. Okay. And then you look at it properly and go, oh, it's not Schneider. It's Scheider. Did this ruin the movie for you, just seeing this come up in the opening credits?

I feel like it's like put an asterisk next to the word Jaws for me, you know, like as if. Tainted. Yeah. So they need to do a recut of it where they just pretend his name's Schneider. Yes. Whack the N in there in the opening credits. And then now everyone can enjoy it. Exactly.

Now no one needs to be put off. There's no nagging sort of like little itch to be scratched or. The world's changed. Yeah. Update your film. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's more like this. It's like, you know, when you watch any shows from like even especially TV from like the

80s and even early 90s and you notice that no one's had their teeth done. Oh yeah, yeah. But now everyone's like got their teeth done. Yeah, yeah. Bright white teeth.

But you're watching big names from back in the day in the early 90s and they got brown teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what this is to me. Okay.

That's what Roy Scheider is for me. He needs to get his end fixed. He needs to get his end fixed in the same way that Gretsch needs to get his T fixed. Yes. Get a T in there.

Yeah. Get your T done. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Well, thanks. Thanks, Schneider. Thanks for doing the service of having an N in there.

Unlike some fucking freaks. I'm looking at you, Roy. So what do we call this? Are we calling this next one four or five? I feel like we're not counting Lauren Andrew Because she's That's Yeah

She'd been done before That was just a little bonus Yeah, yeah, yeah That was a PS We'll go back and That was a homage We'll go back and insert that riff Into the episode where we originally did it

We won't No, someone else can Thank you The history books can. Right. Yes, great. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Alex Burnett. Hmm.

Any thoughts? You know what? I'm mulling it over. Right. Are you putting the mull in a bong? Do you ever call marijuana mull? No. Never?

Never. I would say that is a big generational thing. Right. That disappeared in the age gap, in the interim. Yeah. Between you being born. Yeah. And then 1986, August 25th, Mrs. Allsop.

No, not out the pussy, C-section. Oh, nice. Out comes little Thomas. Nice. Good little bit of detail to know. You know how people go, oh, yeah, of course, you're an only child. Classic only child. It's like, okay, I don't know.

I know how I say that, yes. Yes, I know how you say it all the time as if it's something that I have any control over whatsoever. It would be funny if, like, people did that about, oh, yeah, I was a C-section. Yeah, yeah, you can tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a classic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a classic C-section. Well, there is a Stephen Wright joke that goes, I was a C-section, baby.

When I get home, I just climb in through the window. Something like that. Nice. Urban Dictionary, Mull. Because I started to think, fuck, you know when you say something all your life and then you go, is this a thing or is this just something that my friend made up and we thought it was a fact? Right. Yeah.

But it is a thing. Urban Dictionary says, Mull, Australian slang for cannabis. In the 1970s, it was a strain of cannabis grown in northern New South Wales called Mull and Bimby Madness. Okay. Thus, Mull become a colloquialism. So really, it comes from the place. Yeah.

That's really interesting. I did not know that. I never knew that. And then the examples. Fuck, I love this this this is good this is this man this brings me back to being 16 or 17 just hearing this in context this would be really good three i made here's the three examples i made anderson that was a bit before that was a bit before that i mean pammy was a bit after that oh okay yeah i was gonna say before 16 no no no No, no, no. Fucking hell. I remember when a friend of mine bought a copy of People magazine.

Is that still around? I guess it is. And it had Pamela Anderson on the front. He was like, man, have you seen this Pamela Anderson girl? She's amazing. And I was like, no, who is it? I very distinctly remember discovering her and this guy going, yeah, she's on Home Improvement. Check this out. I'm like, oh, who is it? I very distinctly remember discovering her and this guy going, yeah, she's on Home Improvement.

Check this out. I'm like, oh, okay. I've never watched it before. Like I was always jacking off over Wilson. So now there was like someone new. Anyway, sorry, back to this. Mull. Giving three examples.

I made a sweet new mull bowl in woodwork today. Okay, right. Yep. That is being 17, right? Yeah, yeah. It's only early and anyway, I've still got shit loads of mull left. Fuck. This really is the urban dictionary.

This is so good. These are three excellent examples of using the word mull. Number three, I've got nothing on for the rest of the day. Let's mull up. The woodwork thing, that's reminded me. We did have kids at my school in art where you learn about pottery and whatever, and it's like you can make what you want. About pottery, all right.

And there'd always be kids that have a crack at like seeing how far they could get in the process of making a bong yeah before the art teacher works out what's going on and goes get the fuck out of here there was one kid who got away with it who like we just had an old teacher who like literally didn't know what one was and it like it got put in like a little exhibition that we had and parents came to look at it and it's like this glazed bong that he's painted and everything. It was sick. This is so good because when you go to urbandictionary.com,

they must have an automated ad down the bottom depending on what you're searching. So it gives all those answers and then immediately under it, it says, get a mull mug for your daughter, Natalie. Fuck, that's really funny. Well, thanks, Amanda Mullen. Mullens?

What? What was the name? That's someone else that we've already read out before. I don't know how the fuck we got onto this, but Alex Burnett is what we're onto. Oh, Alex Burnett. How did we get onto that? Yeah, Mullen must be in my head because that's someone who pops up on the socials a lot. Amanda Mullins, yes.

I was trying to work backwards. No. How the fuck did we... Alex Burnett. New segment on the show. How the fuck did we get here? Alex... People at home are just yelling at their iPhones now.

Fuck. Burnett. We've really fucked this one. I said mull it over. Oh, that must be why. I said I've got to mull it over, but what was I mulling over? I think I just said, what do you think about the name? I think that's all it was. Oh, I said I'm mulling it over.

Yeah, that's all it was. Fuck. Jesus Christ. Well, then shout out to Amanda Mullins once again. Fuck again. See, again, that should have been the read for her, whatever we did for her. Yes, I agree. Not as good as reading out the Urban Dictionary entry for Mull.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. Alex, I, in hindsight, I didn't have this ready to go, but if I had a boy instead of a daughter, I like Alex. Really? i was thinking about the other day i was like fuck i wish i had that in the chamber why what difference would it have made i was absolutely unprepared it's nice to think that i had something i wish i had that in the chamber yeah i yeah look i'm i'm aware it doesn't matter in the long run but it would

have been nice to have thought I had something up my sleeve. Yeah, but now if you have another kid, you have it up the sleeve. Yeah, I guess. I guess, but I've showed my hand now. Yeah. A lot of people... Can I make this official? When I talk about my daughter on the show,

can I... I think I said said online I called her Comedia. So people have been, listeners at live shows have been coming up going, how's Comedia? People have been asking, how's Comedia? Is it too late to change the fake name of my baby? I think so. Is it? I don't think I've been making a big deal of it. So I still think I can do that.

I don't think I've said it on the show. Comedia is a good one though. Can I call her Blanket instead? I just like the idea of doing what Michael Jackson did. In that respect only. In the naming of the baby. Blanket Chandler. What do you think?

That's good. It is good. You like Comedia better? I do like Comedia. I don't know. I mean, I don't care. I know the real name. So I never have to use this alias.

Right. I guess we could get a poll going in the Facebook group. Okay. All right. We'll do that. Yeah. All right. We'll do that.

We'll get on the socials and we'll let you, the listener, decide. Yeah. This is like Australian Idol. What should we refer to? What fake name should we use to refer to the kid of this guy who we listen to every week? Because you're not trusted with the real name because you're fucking idiots. It's your animals. Yeah.

It's a funny old life, isn't it? Yeah. It really, really is. You couldn't pay me enough money to kill myself. Really? You know that? Yeah. Really really i'm enjoying life too much yeah all right so i'm enjoying life and then a very just unconvincing pause yes just a very delirious i gotta go to bed this is it yep all right one more one more thank you to patreon subscribe wow what

it just rings a bell anyway I'm just checking to see if we've had this one before because it feels like we've maybe we've talked is the surname familiar

or something not so much the surname I don't think we've had this before okay well what is it it's some how many times do you think we've done it if you think we've already done it why don't you just skip had this this before but okay well what is it um it's some how many times

do you think we've done it if you think we've already done it why don't you just i'm doing well i think but i don't know okay oh so you need to read it out and then i'll be able to let you know yeah yeah i mean i mean i feel like if you're in doubt you should just skip ahead anyway to just read it okay uh thank you to Patreon subscriber Bong Comedy. Have we had that one? Just ring a bell for some reason. Well, I said, I've never had a bong before.

Right. You've never had a bong? Yeah. You've never had a person called bong? In any way. I don't know bong. Have you ever referred

to having sex with someone as having had someone? No. I do like that, though. It's very old school. It's very old school. What are the worst, yeah, what are the worst, what would you call it, euphemisms or slang for having sex?

Have you ever used that one? Have you ever gone, I had it off with them? Had it off is a pretty bad one. Getting a leg over is pretty bad. That's, people can, I can't believe that anyone would use that in this day and age. In this day, no, but that's what I'm saying, like old school ones. I can barely believe anyone ever used it seriously because it's so silly. My friend's dad would say it to him.

You know those weird parents that are like, hey, I just want to know about my kid. Oh, right. Let's be cool. I'm a cool dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my friend had like gone out. I'm not going to be like that. I'm going to be about my kid root. Oh, right. I'm a cool dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, my friend had, like, gone out. I'm not going to be like that. I'm going to be screaming at my daughter.

Don't you ever root anyone. My friend had, like, gone out. Pointed her vagina and said, I never wanted a dick in there ever. All right? Oh, my God. I can't stress that enough. You're saying you want to call her blanket, and then you're referring to pointing to her vagina.

I mean, my God. Looking forward to seeing Leaving Hawthorne on the fucking HBO two-part documentary series. Yeah, my friend went out and then the next day he used to work for his dad and he goes into the office and his dad in front of everyone's like, do you get a leg over last night? Horrific. Yeah, that's very bad. That's dumb.

Yeah. Let's bring back making whoopie. All right. Could you? All right. Could you pick up using the phrase, do you want to come back to my place and make whoopie? And don't make it as a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because if you've been a bit nudge, nudge, wink, wink and like ironically saying it, that doesn't count. You've got to like... You've got to mean it. You've got to be doing it in a tone like you think you're dirty talking. Oh, 100%. What about could you use it mid-coitus? Could you you're dirty talking? Oh, 100%. Could you use it mid-coitus? Could you be like dirty talking?

Do you ever talk during... Sometimes. What are you looking at? During mid-coitus. Yes. Coitus is a good one. Yeah. When I'm copulating.

Yeah. Are you a talker? God, it's been a while I can't remember back that far Did last night mean nothing to you Tommy? It depends on the person I am up for it, I am game for it But I'm definitely not

I'm not going for it unless, you know what I mean? Unless you get the signal. Unless I get the vibe that there's going to be a bit of reciprocation or whatever. Okay. Right. Yeah. Okay. Interesting.

Yeah. So. What about you? I've been known to. Yeah. You've been known to? Yeah. Okay.

Right. Yeah. I remember people saying, oh, you do a fair bit of that. And I was like. Fair bit of chat? Yeah. Right. I was like, oh, do do a fair bit of that. And I was like... Fair bit of chat. Yeah. Right. I was like, oh, do I?

Yeah. Oh, like... Well, I imagine with you, it's ongoing feedback. Things they're doing wrong. Fuck, that'd be good. This is the worst making whoopee I've ever had, you fucking idiot. That's what I was going to say. Triggy, you could get away with dirty talking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just going, oh, I love making whoopie with you. This is the best whoopie I've ever made. A real aggressive reference to making whoopie. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. It's good. It's really good.

I love making whoopie up your ass. The making poopie. Weirdly enough, it's actually the making part of it that I find funniest. The idea that it's like a craft. You know what I mean? Just getting hands on. Just getting into the lab. Getting into the workshop.

Because you're making it. Doing a bit of panel beating. As you're making it, because you're mid-whoopee. Yeah. So then once you're finished, is the whoopee coming out of your dick? Oh, maybe that. Well, look it up. Look it up on fucking Urban Dictionary.

Let's find out the etymology. Is it etymology? Is that the word for like the origin of a phrase? Yeah. I'm pretty smart. This is two geniuses on the air. Two geniuses looking up urban dictionary. This is like Dr. Carl 69ing himself.

He's cloned himself and then he's sucking his own dick. Yep. That's what I want to know. If Dr. Carl's so smart, how come he can't suck his own dick? Just a tradie getting through on Triple J and asking, Dr. Carl, how come I can't suck my own dick? No, no. That would have been done before.

That's way better. If you think you're so smart. Riddle me this. Why have you still got all your ribs? If you think you're so smart. Hey, tough guy. Yeah. Unlike Dr. Marilyn Manson over here. Fucking hell. Alright.

Oh, wow. Yeah, top definition. Whoopie to make love. So she came over to my place and top definition, whoopie to make love. So she came over to my place and we made some whoopie. Number two, 1920s phrase for a fun or exciting activity, sometimes sex. Often used as make whoopie, which refers to sex. Example, start the car, I know a whoopie spot. Wow. And it's your ass.

So start the car. Whoopie spot. Wow. And it's your ass. So start the car. Whoopie spot? Yeah. Get a whoopie mug for your barbazora. But it doesn't say like what, like where

whoopie comes from. Fuck, I love Urban Dictionary. I never look at it. It's good. The definition is whoopie, the old person word for sex. Old man. Hey Margaret good. The third definition is whoopie, the old person word for sex.

Old man. Hey, Margaret, want to go make some whoopie? Margaret. Oh, yes, Cletus. Cletus. Fuck yeah. That's good. Margaret and Cletus.

Yeah, right in, guys. What's the whoopie part of it? What's it referring to? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what? I mean, obviously it's the cartoon thing of, I guess, something fun and good. So you're like, whoopee, that was great. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I guess. Surely. Yeah. Like, if you actually saw full-blown intercourse in an Archie Comics magazine, if you saw Archie's red dick literally go into Veronica, you would then, when he finished, see him exclaim, whoopee, as he jumped into the air and clicked his heels. That's true, yeah. I mean, that's what I'd be doing.

Yeah. If I got to smash Veronica. Yeah. Were you more Veronica or Betty? I was Veronica. This is such a beige answer, but personality, Betty. Yeah. Well, that's the way it was set up.

Yeah, I know. That's why it's designed. But if I have to pick one, yeah, I guess Veronica. Veronica was rich. Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah, exactly. I don't see money.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I could easily have sex with a homeless woman. I don't see money. You know what I mean? Mm. Yeah. I'd much... I mean, I could easily have sex with a homeless woman. I feel like Veronica would hate me, and that's a big turn on. Yeah, it's one of those people who... Gentlemen are supposed to prefer blondes, but I definitely preferred Veronica, even though she was such a bitch.

Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah. I thought she acted like a real bitch in a bitch. Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah. I thought she acted like a real bitch in those comics. Yeah. I agree. She thought she was so good. Well, she was so good.

Yeah, I guess that's fair. She's got it all. She had a good last name, Lodge. Oh, really? What was Betty's last name? Cooper? Andrews, was it? I think it was Andrews.

For two guys that are complaining about how tired they are, we really are doing everything we can to stretch this out. Yeah, but the back end of this Talking Dumb Dumb, I'm loving the content of it. Yeah, this is good. This is good stuff. Look up, get onto the supercomputer there and look up. Oh, by the way, just to quickly close up the thread,

thanks Bong Comedy. We'd hate for them to feel short-shafted. Yeah. Short-shafted? Yeah. I don't think that's ever been a thing. We'd hate for them to feel short shafted Short changed Short shafted? Yeah I don't think that's ever been a thing So I was just thinking about what I'd like to give to Veronica Lodge That's fair

Oh fuck You know in that The TV show now I'm waiting to have a midday nap Get on Instagram baby What is In Riverdale Have you ever watched that Riverdale show? I've watched a couple of episodes Have a midday nap. Get on Instagram, baby. What is... You're in Riverdale. Have you ever watched that Riverdale show?

I've watched a couple of episodes. It's not bad. No comment? I haven't watched it. You should. It's good. What did you say her last name was? I thought it was Cooper.

You're right. You got it right. Yes. Archie Andrews. Yes. I fucked up. Jughead Jones? Yes.

But Jughead Jones in that show is cool, isn't he? Is Reggie a character? Yeah, Reggie. Reggie Mombasa? Reggie. Is Reggie in that show? I think so. Isn't he like Archie's nemesis or whatever?

Yeah. Right. whatever. Yeah. Right. That's so weird to get the most all American happy fucking simple cartoon of all comic book of all time in America and turn into this dark thing. They rebooted it like a couple of years ago and it's still going and it's good. Like I think that's, I think Riverdale kind of came off the back of that.

They sort of, you know, did this new comic version of it where it's drawn in sort of a more serious style. Right. Like they look realistic. Yes. But Jughead is still wearing a little paper crown on his head. Yeah. It's great.

Why is he wearing that? He doesn't do that in the TV show, though, does he? I don't think so. I believe not. To have a gritty, dark teen drama with him with a paper fucking hat on. But it's good. Would be good. The rebooted comics are really good.

Are they? Yeah. Are they for adults? What are they for? Are they for kids? Teen, adult, yeah. But they still have the old school one. I used to really like it when I was a little kid.

I don't know if they're still making the old ones. Do they have it off in the new comic books? They do. Do they have it off? Yeah. Wow.? They do. Do they have it off? Yeah. Wow. You can borrow one if you want. Have you got them?

Yeah, I've got one. I've only got the first volume. I'll have a look when we're done here. Yeah. Do you see it? Do you see it? Go in? You just asked me if it's for adults and I said it's for teens and up.

Yeah. And then you see it going. Yeah. Teens are allowed to see that. How else are they going to learn about making whoopie? I mean, they're starting to see it in their own lives. Yeah. All right.

That'll do. That'll do. Thanks, guys. Live show's coming up. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Heaps of them are nearly sold out, so don't fuck around. We're pretty close to not having to really do any ads at all, which is great. Yep.

Come and make whoopie with us. Yeah. Live on stage. Come and make comedy whoopie. Yep. Come and make whoopie with us live on stage. Come and make comedy whoopie. Yep. Come and have a bong with us. Come and mull over the idea of coming to see us live. Yep.

Yep. Great. Thanks, guys. See you next week. See you, man.