The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 446 - Live! Tom Gleeson, Urzila Carlson & Brett Blake

Episode Date: April 24, 2019

This week on the podcast, it's Bring Your Daughter To Work Day so we meet a very special recent addition to our podcasting family. We're also joined by TOM GLEESON who gets put on the spot by Karl about his recent job situation, URZILA CARLSON went to school with a Hollywood celebrity, and BRETT BLAKE has been getting drunk in an airport. PLUS we tie up some loose ends regarding our Dum Dum-themed beer and we up the stakes for Liverpool's upcoming games!Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up:LONDON! Third and final show is now on sale! Saturday May 4, 3:15pm.KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16. SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Tom Gleeson, Ursula Carlson and Brett Blake. First of all though, a couple of things we need to let you know about London. We are going to be there very, very soon if you're listening to this hot off the presses. Still a couple of tickets left to the show on Saturday, May the 4th, but it's very, very close to sold out. My solo show on May the 6th at 4pm. A bunch of tickets left for that, so come down and check that out.

Then, what have we got? Well, we've got two sold out shows, so remember to turn up to them. Yes. For the live podcast on May the 5th. Yep. And then June 11th till 16th, we've got the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. That's very important, yes, I agree. And there's still time to do that. I think if you're getting a certain gig we are doing in the Balkans, Tommy.

Yeah, I'm trying to forget it. I'm really torn as to, look, we're doing a gig in Serbia on, what is it, April 30? Yeah, in like a week or something. Tuesday night. So either all of you come or none of you come, so we don't have to do it. I don't know which one. Yeah, I see a week or something. Tuesday night. So either all of you come or none of you come, so we don't have to do it. I don't know which one. Yeah, I see what you're saying.

Work it out between you all. Get a discussion going and sell it out so it's great, or then we just get to turn up and there's no one at the venue and then we just go and have a nice dinner and forget about it. Yes. But yeah, that's an option. You have a life that you can do whatever you want in. That's something that you can do with your time.

June 11th until 16th, Koh Samui, the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Still plenty of time to get your tickets, get your accommodation. Yeah, people are still making calls on that, so that's great. Be a grown-up. You can do whatever you want. So if I can do this. July 27th in Sydney, huge live podcast and stand-up shows from us selling really, really well that will be sold out by the time we get to it.

So jump on your tickets if you're thinking about coming. Then the next day, the 28th in Newcastle, a sold-out show. Thank you to everyone who's bought tickets to that. Looking forward to that one. Yeah, that's it. That's it for now, isn't it? Great. Let's crack on to, what's this, the second live episode that we recorded in Melbourne

during the Comedy Festival there. This is, look, in my opinion, I'll be forthright here. This is a return to form. I feel like the last couple of episodes have been okay, been fine. You guys have liked them. I think this is fucking, we work our shit out. This is a comeback. Tom Gleeson, Ursula Carlson and Brett Blake, enjoy this episode and we'll see you afterwards

for Talking Dumb Dumb. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads! Yes, we are hot off an appearance on ABC's The Mix. We have taken over the media. Who saw it?

No! Oh, OK, that's probably the most viewers that show has ever had, so that's cool. We got hit up to do a little segment on there, the two of us talking about an item that sparks joy in both of us. It was a very short segment in which they spelt my name wrong and published his phone number on the air. So now it's out there.

Because the lady emailed us. She's like, oh, we closed it. You had your notebook as one of the things. And she's like, we zoomed in on it and you can see your phone number. Do you want me to blur it? And we go, yeah, sure. And then she's done the most low-rent job of blurring it you could possibly do. She's just left her fingerprint on the camera, I think.

I think that's about it. It doesn't look blurred. It looks like you're just mildly squinting while looking at the number. Yeah, and don't worry, there's been a bump. Well, now people don't have to go find the episode. They can just their own taxpayer dollars

helping them to get your phone number. That's what I pay my 11 cents a day for, to get fucking pranked. Right. So any ABC fans just asking you if you have the inside word on who did it on Midsummer Murders or any shit like that? No, just people wanting to call me a cunt. Okay, right. Yep. I just realised, by talking about this, I should set this to airplane mode and fuck you everyone.

How many came through just then? No, I was quick on the draw. Wow. So none. You guys got to lift your fucking game. That is embarrassing on your part. Real wasted opportunity. Thanks everyone for coming.

Let's do a little bit of mailbag. People that follow us on the socials, a lot of people hit us up and they think they don't know who they're talking to. We don't have management or anything like that. We don't have any third parties. You are talking to us when you're hitting us up on socials. Don't sound so shocked, guys.

Any day now, I'm feeling good about it off the back of this one. I reckon we're going to get signed. We don't have management. We do everything between us. We do all the work. So, you know, like I book the guests, organise the venues, bring all the content. Yeah, here we go.

Uh-huh, here we go. You have the biggest dick, you're the best lover, you're the perfect guy, I book the guests, organise the venues, bring all the content. Yeah, here we go. Uh-huh, here we go. You have the biggest dick, you're the best lover, you're the perfect guy, you're the smartest, you're the most handsome. Well, you have all the cancers, that's something. You look like you're pulling your weight, though. So, Twitter. Someone's hissed up on Twitter and...

Look, this is nice. This is something we get a little bit of, people that are new listeners. Someone hit us up and said, hey, I'm a new listener. 352 episodes in now. Been listening virtually all month. I want to ask something, but I want to be clear.

I don't want to... I'm not trying to be a dick or say you're shit or anything like that. The one thing I don't find myself laughing at is when Tommy says September 11 was an inside job. I just want to ask if you're joking when you say that. Thanks for the great content, guys. So I've answered. Hi, mate, Tommy here.

Thanks heaps for finding our show and binging on us so hard. Great to hear about another American listener. Thanks heaps for finding our show and binging on us so hard. Great to hear about another American listener. Thanks heaps P.S. The first hijacked plane crashed through the 94th to the 98th floors of the World Trade Centre's 110th storey North Tower. The second jet slammed

into the 78th to the 84th floors of the 110th storey South Tower The impact in ensuring fires disrupted elevator services in both buildings. Plus, the lobbies of both buildings were visibly damaged before the towers collapsed. There is no way the impact of the jet caused such widespread damage 80 storeys below. It is obvious and irrefutable that other explosives, such as concussion bombs, had already been detonated in the lower levels of Tower One at the same time of the plane crash.

I don't remember saying this. See you, mate. I don't remember saying this, but I do agree 100% with all that. Nice to hear that we got hit up by at George W. Bush. One more mail back for this week, which is, again, someone, not know who they're talking to exactly, but they got it right this time. Someone just hit me up yesterday and said, hey,

Carl, I think... Clang. Hey, Carl, I think I just saw you and the family at the Royal Children's Hospital. Funny. Hope everything's okay. It's shitty being there, but it is the best hospital. I'll be

seeing Little Dumb Dumb Club on Saturday, so they're probably here. My response, hi. Just cover your ears for this one, because you've probably heard this one. My response, that wasn't me. I'm eating burritos with Daslow. I know he looks like a sick kid, but he's actually fine.

You've got cancer on the brain this week. It's catching. It's not. It's not at all. We've got to tie up a loose thread here. Speaking of the mailbag, we've been talking for a little while on and off about this listener

in Sweden who wants to make the beer based on the little dum-dum club. Now, we've got to make a call on this. We've got to make a call. Are we calling it, is it the Juggernaut beer or is it the Westgate beer? We need to get this tied off so that we can get the label designed and send it off to him. So we sort of thought, well, why not put it, we may as well just put it to a vote here to the crowd today. Yeah, you guys are the ones that will be buying it, so. Flying over to Sweden just to buy a six-pack of it.

Yeah. Let's vote. Let's get it out of the way now. Who votes Westgate? Not going there right now, like naming it that. They were all the people that were at the gig last night. Who votes Juggernaut beer? All right, well, the Westgate has it.

That's pretty sad because the owner of Juggernaut is here tonight. I think that's the sound of everyone being sick of us talking about Juggernaut. Yeah, that's fair. So Westgate beer it is. It's official. Alright. So that's pretty big marketing for the Westgate Bridge It's going to be getting traction over in Sweden That's exciting Yeah

Do we get to design the logo for it? Yeah, we get to do the whole thing Do we? Yeah Okay, alright, alright, great Well, that's the next thing Alright, how many references to suicide Can you get on one beer label?

Just even never drink responsibly, for starters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Empty this out and put petrol in here. Ironically, Westgate will be a very nice drop. There we go. Just a guy diving off the bridge. Matter of fact, I've got it now.

Na, na, na. Pfft. All right. That is... Oh, look. Can we do this one thing? I've set an alarm. I've been getting, again,

way too many messages about this. Tommy, can you do your glutes exercise right now? Oh, yeah, okay. Yes. Hang on. First of all, I activate the core, so I have to just, like... It's very visually unsatisfying. But probably killing at home, so that's good. So now that that's...

Fuck, I feel like a Westgate Lager right now. Now I have to do hip thrusters, just to... Oh, guys in the back row, you are missing out on this. Oh, wow. Pays to get here early and get up the front. Also, I'm getting quite

the view down here. I feel like I'm getting me too'd by you. Alright, so that's the hip thrusters and now I just have to do I feel like I'm getting Me too'd by you But yeah Fuck you now Alright So that's That's the hip thrusters And now I just have to do

Just have to do the squats So Well I guess no one Will ever ask of this again Yeah So that's That's something good Yeah that's pretty good

Yeah there we go Done Right great Done my glutes exercises Right we've got some great guests I feel like there's just one more little thing we've got to do before we start. Again, this is in response to a lot of listeners.

A lot of people are curious. So I've decided this is the day. I have made this... Whoa! No, no. People have been asking a lot of questions. Basic instinct. I've made today Daddy Daughter Day. Bring your daughter to work day

So What's what? Beautiful So that's what you do Does anyone in here I think that lady's prophecy is going to come true. You are going to end up at the children's hospital after this. So I thought I'd bring my daughter along to work today.

And especially, you know, she's eight weeks in. And because I'm obviously quite intelligent, it's been passed on. She's talking already. So welcome to the show, Blanket. Hello, Father. It's a shame she couldn't have learnt your name yet. That's pretty rude. When were you calling your dad by his first name?

It's fair. The Bank. Sorry, as Carl's child, I've heard a lot of transactions happening over the phone Anyway, under baby Wow, your kid's bombing This kid sucks You can't expect too much for an eight week old, alright

I take after my dad Fuck, it's funny with that voice. I mean, I'm sure I changed this kid before, but it stinks already. So, are you enjoying... Oh, fucking hell, his eyes are going off. Hey, be careful. Whoa.

Whoa. So, this is daddy's work. These are all the people that this is daddy's work. These are all the people that come to daddy's work. What do you think? Look. Highly intelligent. Highly intelligent. You've got real maternal instincts here, Tommy.

Yeah, yeah. Real maternal comedy instincts. Fuck, I can't believe I ignored that. The prenatal classes. Always mic up your kid correctly. Exactly, yeah. maternal instincts yeah real maternal comedy instincts fuck I can't believe I ignored that at the prenatal classes always mic up your kid

exactly yeah mic technique get hot on it at least it sounds like there's another woman on stage with me oh no

I'm bombing again I don't know I would have preferred if you had stuck to Goo Goo Gaga actually I know life's been good as an eight week child it's great I'm hanging out I would have preferred if you had stuck to Goo Goo Gaga, actually. No, life's been good as an eight-week child.

It's great. I'm hanging out. I'm hanging out. You know, it is a bit disturbing at times. I think I am the second woman you've touched. See, I think people sometimes think that we pre-write everything. I think it's pretty clear that we don't. Okay. She's got stage fright.

It's her first time up here doing a gig. Yeah, sure, sure. And what do you think of the environment here? This is what I do for a living, honey. Yeah, sometimes I just want to be thrown off the Westgate. But yeah, no, this environment's pretty good. I mean, it's better than the house, watching you walk around

with your little shrimpy dick out. With your keys up your ass. Like some kind of fucking weirdo. By the way, we went up for lunch yesterday and you left your keys at the restaurant. I put a video of it on Instagram. I got 30 messages from

people going, make sure you check his ass. Yeah, you didn't have to check it when he got home. I'm the only one small enough to get in there. He put a bloody mining helmet on me and everything. Alright, darling, well, look, I want you to get the full experience. I'll leave you here on stage to watch all the magic as the show goes on.

Put it on the DJ decks. Oh, you know, you're only eight weeks old, so I'll leave you right next to the speakers. Yeah, I'll be DJ Father without emotions. Alright, watch and learn and maybe you'll get funnier by the end of the hour. What a beautiful baby girl. Yeah, thank you. Alright, so... It's weird, you do something vaguely sincere and people are like, this feels wrong.

And you thought I was bombing. Well, that's going through the crowd mic that's there. We've looped that back in through the speakers. No one suspects it. Alright, let's get a first guess out. Alright, folks, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tom Gleeson! You beauty!

Yes! G'day, nice to be here. Your big complaint about these live podcasts, usually when you do them, is that we just stand up here and spin plates for an hour and just talk about the show itself. We've got actual content this time. I know. We've learnt.

I wasn't sure about that. I thought you got a baby, you got someone backstage using a mic, pretending to be a character. What? What do you want, a fucking Barry nomination or something? I'm really prone. This could be an art piece. Well, if people don't laugh, it's an art piece.

So, at the moment it's an art piece. So, I tell you what is art, Nick C it's an art piece. So, at the moment, it's an art piece. I'll tell you what is art. Nick Capper's show at 9.30. Man. Kids say the darndest things. Her first plug.

By the way, it's a very fine line between a cool podcast and hey, hey, it's fucking Saturday. I mean, that's Dickie Nee, really. You're stealing your ideas from Daryl Summers. I would love that if I could just, instead of being on stage with this show, be in a booth doing little cartoons. That'd be fucking sick. That's the dream. Yeah, awesome.

You have done that, didn't you? You had a cartoonist doing that once, didn't you? Yeah, we did. We had Jason Chatfield see you've been hey hey Saturday for years I think blackface

is the only one we haven't ticked off yet oh well we have still a lot of podcasts to go has anyone got some boot polish and a phone number

of the local paper we could get this trending old school in actual physical Has anyone got some boot polish and a phone number of the local paper? We could get this trending old school in actual physical newspaper. Right. So it's not a fuck up by us. It's a calculated PR strategy. We're doing it on purpose. Yeah, that'd be great.

Thanks for coming. You're very busy. Appreciate your time. Obviously, Hard Quiz is going off. Awesome. I'm sure a lot of people here will watch it. I'm sure we're all looking forward to the new season, the 2019 season when it starts pretty soon,

whenever that starts this year. It's already started. Now, hang on. I wrote for Hard Quiz in 2018. Yeah. You're saying it started? Yeah, we've been on air for... We've done nine episodes. We've still got another one to go.

We finished series four. I'm just checking my emails to see when I start this season. No, no, no. Well, you weren't there. I mean, it's pretty obvious why. Well, you only revive people that are good at their job. Hey, baby, don't do cross talk. Hey, we've got the same hairstyle.

This is Hey Hey Saturday. Please let Nick work in this town again. Do you think I can kill your career, baby? Well, you've killed mine. I've got the fucking arse, so... Wow, wow, I'm hungry. There you go, I got this to feed.

Yeah, OK, well... Actually, ABC, you'd only half-fed me, really. Sorry, that was a jab at the industry. Oh, her first inside baseball reference. Well, but you know the most damning thing about you not doing this series of hard quiz? Go on. I didn't notice.

It's only just now you mentioning it, I'm like, oh yeah, you haven't been around the office. I'm not making this up office I'm not making this up I'm not making this up I was in Sydney recently and I saw a writer who had worked on Hardwiz and The Weekly it's a friend of ours

and I saw her in a corridor and I said oh what are you up to at the moment she said I'm currently writing for your show must be nice so anyone who thinks I'm out of touch you're right, I am And I fucking love it Come and join me in my ivory tower

It's fucking luxurious You must be possibly the only person That would not notice Carl Chandler's presence In an office, you know what I mean Everyone else just quaking in their boots At him coming down the hallway You're the only one that outranks him in the cunt stakes It doesn't really register to me at all To be honest in their boots at him coming down the hallway you're the only one that outranks him in the cunt stakes.

It doesn't really register to me at all to be honest. Yeah, well just every now and then he would say something funny but it was about once every three days. Having said that, that was the highest strike rate in that office though. I mean I don't want to say that office is completely on the spectrum but

that office makes Ronnie Chang look like Chris Hemsworth. The most famous non-autism-having person, Chris Hemsworth. Hey, they laughed. It was the laughter of recognition. It's great. Anyway, it's fine. It's fine. Look, I don't blame you at all.

I know it is fine this is our highest rating series the one that you aren't working on draw a conclusion from that we removed the thing that was holding us back and the show has really taken off I'm going to get a fucking

gold Logie this year because you weren't on our show I could have got one last year but you were there fucking up everything I was doing, every turn I took. I'd be like, fuck it, Carl. Why doesn't he let me just spread my wings and fly like a bird? I've got this fucking stone in my shoe called Chandler.

I got rid of it, everything improved. My home life, my family, all my relatives, my peace of mind. I've got wellness in my head. Well, I'm looking forward to being thanked in the speech. Are you hurrying? Sorry. Hang on, hang on. Wait, everyone.

The unfunny baby has something to say. If only there was a way to sack Carl as your father. Alright. You can come home tonight. Have you thought about hiring for next season yet? Are there any specialty topics of Super Mario Brothers or leeching off your parents?

My calendar's wide open. There is an expert subject, surviving cancer. You can get involved with that. Excellent. Imagine failing questions about that. Are you cured? No.

All right, let's get another guest on. All right, folks, please welcome back into the Little Dun Dun Club, Ursula Carlson. Thank you. London Club, Ursula Carlson! Thank you. I don't know if you thought I was going to fit through that little crack, but that was never going to fucking happen.

Hi. Ursula, you are currently doing your season at the festival. You've broken records for sales. You're in the main room at the Town Hall every night. Yes. Thank you for joining us here in the servants' quarters for this show. I'm real busy too because I just got a writing job on hard paper. When I say talent,

I just, I recruit it. Well, good luck in there counting matchsticks like the rest of them do. Can you adopt these? No, apparently it's improved a lot. They said they got rid of the rotten bit of the apple. In fact, Ursula's writing work is so good, based on that she moved into the main room at the town hall.

It was the hard quiz credit that got her that venue. Well, I'm doing my show straight after this, downstairs in a much smaller room. That was arranged by me. Well, by the time I get down there this afternoon, you'll probably fucking sack me from that room as well. No, I rang Ida Buttrose. I said

get this guy out of my office and into a basement in the city. If there's a show there, fine. I don't care. Just strap him up in that basement and if there's an audience that watches that, that's fine by me. Is it right after this show? Because I can probably offer them tickets to watch it.

Like, there's no space because it's all sold out, but I'll let them... I'll let them sit on stage with me. See, you and I are very similar because... Here, meow. Here we go. I mean, I know it's obvious already, but I'll explain. Before comedy, see, you got into comedy late

and you started as a typesetter in a newspaper like me. Then you moved on to become a graphic designer like me. And now you're a comedian, like me. Yes, very similar. And I also have a baby, but mine's prettier than that. Right. Hey, hey, hey. Where are your kids from?

New Zealand or something? Yeah, and mine doesn't sound like they smoke a pack a day. I don't know how to rebuttal to that, but... You don't know how to speak English either. I'm looking for a dad or a mum on hard quiz. I'll breastfeed you later, pal. Anyway, I'll tell you what room isn't going off. The Greek Centre, tonight at 9.30.

That is definitely not sold out. My kid hasn't plugged my show once. Fucking hell. Hey, if you want a nice break from comedy, why don't you see... I've never been a fan of kids, but I'm into this one. This is sick. I'm happy to babysit any time you like.

Just Googling. Very late-term abortion. Wow, I got a picture of Kappa. That's weird. Very weird, very weird. Should we get our third guest out here very quickly? Let's get our next guest out. Folks, please welcome back into the Little Dunham Club,

Brett Blake! G'day! Is this mic on? I have no idea. Legends. How are we? We're good? Yeah, put the beer next to the baby.

That's cool. Well, the sounds of it's had a few. Anyway, yeah. It's good seeing everyone again. Obviously, Tom, I saw you during the week. Thanks for the new job. Thank you. It's like a Christmas party, except this cunt's here.

Anyway, I'm the boy with cancer. Make a wish. Whatever. You're the only guest here without a bunch of kids, yet you look like the only guest with about eight kids. No, I have kids. They're just at the Greyhound track. Man, someone's got to be bent when I'm not there, baby!

Fuck my life. What were you telling us about Tom? You've got Tom's book, I believe. Yep, here we are. Oh yeah, many years ago, I don't think you remember the first time we met. I hope you didn't, but now you're going to know about it. I don't remember the first time I met anyone on this stage. We get it, you've got a TV show, fuck up, cunts on the ABC.

What, you've got higher ratings? Guess what, it's Nannas Falling Asleep. Shut up, cunts. You know what's got higher ratings than your show? the fucking SBS with a train with a fucking GoPro attached to it that's strappy this is the first time I'm meeting you

and I think I'm going to remember you heard it first. Urs was converted. Yeah, it was waiting until he fires up. Then it's really something. Is there any jobs going on this SBS train show, by the way? Nah, nah. They like talent.

Boy, the writers are in for that one. It's sorry. Because I work at the ABC I have to even though that was very funny I just have to remind you that it was not true Like the stats don't back you up That show rated about 100,000

My show is a top 10 show That show was not anywhere in the top 20 Sounds like the autism is catching That GoPro is not winning a gold That's all But the first time I met Tom

Apologies Someone made a critical error of buying me a book For Christmas That's on them And I may have had a few beverages And the first time I met Tom It was about five years ago at Perth And I went up to him and I said, hey, oh man

someone bought me your book. And I said also, what happened at the end? I couldn't be fuck reading it. In my defence, if your book was that good, it'd be a fucking movie. So... That's on you. What was the response? Actually, I remember it. He went

oh anyway, I'm just going to go over here. And then he just stood alone. I was like, fair enough. That's honestly, I've been in so many conversations where I've wanted to sit. That's my dream to one day pull that out. I reckon you probably do that on a daily basis. Honestly, one of the first times I ever talked to you, I was talking to you after a gig and

whatever I was saying, you literally walked away halfway through the sentence. Well, I think maybe I made a better impression because you and I made fake penises on a reflection on a big board for an audience, and my dick was enormous. It was huge. Even my pretend dick was bigger than yours. Yeah, it was. It was huge.

I love how he's a realist. No, no, you've got a bigger one. I like to lie, but I'm not... I don't know the word. Anyway... You should have read that book, mate. Books are for nerds, dude. Wow, it's so cool to be sitting next to someone with a lower reading level than me.

That's my child, Brett. Pick it up. Pick it up. My wife said, she specifically said, don't drop the kid. You forgot that I'm Carl Chandler's daughter.

I can withstand anything. I'm Iron Woman. Jesus Christ, this is quite a position. I'm prepping you for a 69. Fuck it. Not now. We need to get the hold of the shape. All right, we're here now.

Strap in. Fuck. Whatever. Jesus Christ. Fake baby. Move on, you fucking idiot. We've got a bunch of snowflakes in the audience tonight. I'm a child. I wouldn't turn back a 69er.

No way. Although they are kind of overrated in my opinion. Go on. My baby's first callback. I was at daycare the other day. Fwa.

Try doing one with a nappy still on. Jesus Christ. Alright, I'm going to go now. Can someone throw me out the nearest window? Oh, fuck. Ah, well. I'll get it. That definitely different...

Anyway, moving on. Alright. I'll get it. That definitely different... Anyway, moving on. All right. Hey, so I actually, as you've seen, I do have a child. You guys have both got children. Yes. Any tips? Because I... First tip, retain a job.

Yeah. Second tip, don't ever bring your kid to work. Right, right. I can't get it to sleep. And so I've been walking around the middle of the night with like the papoose on, with the baby Bjorn on, in the middle of the night in places... Sorry.

Papoose. Yeah, papoose. No shit, I can't get it to sleep either. Yeah. Look at that. I'm now in... Mate Mate you try looking at your face Alright I won't sleep ever again

When are we doing Pluck A Duck I'm walking around the middle of the night I'm walking around getting to like Richmond McDonald's at 1am did you ever have to do that? drive your baby, walk your baby around the middle of the night because it won't go to sleep? my first baby used to sleep 12 hours a night

really? yeah, even my baby was perfect that's what happens when you're successful in your career, it's in your genes and you pass it on to your children. I tell Dad all the time. They have calmness with a confidence. Yeah.

They can just pick up on that. Whereas, like, your baby just picks up on the shiftiness of your employment situation. Your baby is worried about money. That's why. Also, is your baby keen on a fight? Who is going to McDonald's at 1am? Don't drunk people.

Yeah, but that's it. So I'm walking around in places I wouldn't be normally walking by myself, but this time I'm bringing a fucking baby along. Also, this is a distraction. You rang me and you're like, Brady, can you come for a beer? I was like, of course. And then it was like 10.30.

You're like, yeah, I'm bringing the baby. I'm like, dude, no. Like, if I'm saying no, that means you're fucked. You know what I mean? Like, no, we'm bringing the baby. I'm like, dude, no. Like, if I'm saying no, that means you're fucked. You know what I mean? Like, no, we're not having beers. But it's that thing where you're walking the baby around, like, in the middle of the night, and if it's asleep, people keep coming up going, oh, I've been there.

Yeah, yeah, nice. But then when you walk around and the baby's not asleep, people are just looking at you with a screaming baby at 1am going, what the fuck did you think was going to happen? Remember when the police came because you looked like a pedophile? We spent a night in the cell. That was so funny. You were going, hey, no, it's my baby

and they wouldn't believe you because you look like such a shifty cunt. Good girl. Good girl. She sounds like she needs to be changed with another voice. The cunt wouldn't even get me a 30 cent cone. He said, nah, I've been laid off hard, quiz times are hard. This is hard to get back To normal conversation now

Isn't it It's just It's just a fucking English play now It's like a No what are they called Pantomime Thank you

Thank you I was about to say it But you got on top of it Yeah I was like I think I'm sitting too close to you You looked at me Like I had the word

I was like brother Look away cunt It's called a Mantapime too close to you. You looked at me like I had the word. I was like, brother, look away, cunt. It's called a mantipine. Upsetting. He's behind you. Brett's dyslexic and we find that funny. It's very odd

that a cunt with an Apple Watch is bullying someone else. But anyway, fucking hell, thank God your parents are here or I'd rip you apart. He's got a nice personality. Yeah, that looks good on a Tinder

profile. Yeah, of course, I'm real nice. Sorry, I don't know who I'm doing an impression of because both of you are fucked. Anyway, one of you can't figure out how to work an iPhone. It's the old one. Sorry, I don't know who I'm doing an impression of because both of you are fucked. Anyway, one of you can't figure out how to work an iPhone. It's the old one. Anyway,

Brett, we're going to London soon and you were telling us recently about the last time you flew to London. You bumped into Nick Cody at the airport and he snuck you into the lounge and you'd been drinking all day and almost got denied. Let him tell the story.

No, no, you keep going. It's just all coming back to me. No, but I bumped into... I had a big day, you know, celebrations. Carl was there, Tommy, you missed out, whatever. By the way, a story about you hanging out with Nick Cody in the lounge at an airport is a very low-level showbiz story.

That's fucking... That's really... I'm just saying. That's fucking, that's really, I'm just saying. It's not hard quiz numbers. Alright, yeah, continue, continue. Thanks, Tom. Is that why your baby

sleeps for 12 hours? Your voice? Anyway, um... It's like, Dad, stop putting hard quiz on repeat. No one gives a fuck. Anyway, um,

we get it. You like Grand Daniel, move on. Looks like someone else. You should be my agent. I'd be still working the hard quiz if you were in for bat for me. Fuck, if I'm your agent, your career is even more fucked than it is now. So you're in the airport?

I'm in the airport and I had a few and then Cody got me into the lounge and it was a bad mistake. I had a few, I had a few. And then Cody got me into the lounge and it was a bad mistake. I had a few, had a few too many. And they nearly didn't let me onto a plane. But I didn't realise in my drunken stupor. So when the security guard came over to me.

So Cody said that you were in the Qantas lounge and you were. Virgin, Qantas. Sorry, sorry. And you were like, Cody and you were, like Cody went we were on a big flight, I'll have one or two and you were treating it like an all you can eat, you were going berserk I ordered like just a cricket

at his arm because I had no Carlton available so I was like, I'll have, and he goes man you're in the lounge, you can just have whatever you want I was like, what? Like a little Perth boy kicked in I was like, man can you just do like an espresso fucking martini? That's the only nice drink I know. Like a real low breed.

He's actually got footage of me sculling it and then nearly falling over and yelling, I'm about to do a shooey. Anyway, you know the night's going bad when you're in a bar and Nick Cody physically tries to remove you to a quieter area. You weren't in a bar. You were in a fucking airport lounge. Yeah, there's a bar there. But, yeah, and then I try to get on the plane,

and then it was a security or someone, it was a bit of a blur, and he said, can I see your boarding pass? And I just thought it was just a normal person asking me for that, so it was like... What normal person asks you see your boarding pass? And I just thought it was just a normal person asking me for that. So it was like... What normal person asks you for a boarding pass? A random person just walks up and goes, can I see where you're going? I thought they were interested.

I'm a man of the world, you know? Mate, if you want travelling tips on Bali, I've got them, baby. Anyway, so I... Oh, I'm making you calm cunts. And to go to Bali. Anyway, er... But I went to the... It's clever stuff.

This is not as good as hey-hey anymore. Was that the eight-week-old that just came out with that one? But I went to the ticket... The thing, the person, and I gave them the pass and I thought it'd be real funny. Ticket. Ticket, and I went... Nah! Anyway, they tried to and I gave them the pass and I thought it'd be real funny. Ticket. Ticket, and I went, nah. Anyway,

they tried to kick me out of the plane then Nick Cody talked them down and then I walked through business class yelling, I'm still the King, cunt! Yes! And then I passed out for 10 hours and then my foot was stuck in the aisle and apparently

this is all from the lady who was sitting next to me, thank god, she didn't have her piss for 12 hours, good on her, she couldn't get past me anyway, and my foot was stuck in there, I must have a drunk person rig a mortis and I woke up with a sore foot and I was like, man, why is my foot so sore? She's like, dude, your foot was in the aisle, they've run it over 10 times with the drink toffee

Now this is what I heard from Nick Cody, so you'd been drinking with him in the Virgin Lounge Then 8-10 hours into the flight where it was You wake up, Cody walks past You go, Cody! Where are you going? I was like, Cody, what the fuck are you doing here?

I was like, oh man You're on the same flight He's like, you are a fucking nightmare And then we got to Dubai or something like that. Or something like that. I was like, oh, dude, get us in the lounge again. He goes, oh, I'm only allowed two in there. I was like, man, I know you've got platinum.

You can get three, you fucking cunt. Anyway, that's a fair point. So we should do that when we go to London? Yeah. Yeah, cool. It'll work out for you. Man, it worked out great. Yeah.

I had a bender that weekend, though. But I bumped into a friend of the show, Sam Dastyari. This has had, I had a month off drinking, besides day one because Deal won the Logie, so that's exciting. But I, someone at the comedy

club I help work at, right, he came up to the bar and said, hey, I'm a senator or a politician. Sorry, I was looking at you, hey, I'm a senator or a politician. Sorry, I was looking at you, Tom. This is a real hard quiz here. Trying to figure out what words I want to use. If you need any help, let me know.

Thank you. If my baby was here, she'd be sleeping for 12 hours just now, by the way. Yeah, because you're talking, cunt. Anyway, come at me, brah. I really respect you. Please sign the book. No, no, no.

I was implying it was because you were talking, but I like to imply things as opposed to just say them. You just like to explain it all. Keep explaining. I was going to. Just say it all out loud so we can hear it. No, no, you don't hear the story now. No, it's fine. No. Oh, this has worked out perfectly then Just say it all out loud so we can hear it No no you don't hear the story now it's fine

Oh this has worked out perfectly then Explain it all explain it all Don't explain anything P-O-L-I-T-I-C-I-N Yeah good one you dumb country cunt

you don't even know My baby's not from the country Oh It's Maryborough that's not the city dude I'm from Maryborough my baby's from the city Oh okay

It doesn't sound