The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 447 - Live! Paul Foot, Hamish Blake & Cameron James (with Aaron Chen)

Episode Date: April 30, 2019

Things get extremely wild this week as we welcome HAMISH BLAKE, CAMERON JAMES and the long-awaited return of PAUL FOOT! Tommy's looking a bit different this week, Hamish has been ripping off a public carpark and Paul gets trapped in another dimension. PLUS we talk about different shapes for about fifteen minutes. Truly amazing stuff, folks. I love comedy.Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up:LONDON! Third and final show is now on sale! Saturday May 4, 3:15pm.KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16. SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Paul Foote, Hamish Blake and Cameron James. We have got to let you know about a couple of things. The Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, June 11-16 at the Ozo Chuang Resort. Still plenty of time. Get your tickets, get your accomal sorted. Time is sneaking up, so yeah, go onto our website uh little dumb club uh dot com slash kosamui uh just go to the site you'll get it you know what we've got a brand new redesigned site so just go for a look yep uh all the information's there on your discount for the ozo uh how to get tickets all your dates all of that sort of stuff and please hit us up if you've got any further questions yep and uh heaps of live shows coming up around the place at the moment little dumb

dumb club.com is the best place to find out all the information that you need about that. But let's get stuck into this episode. He's back. Paul Foote joined by Hamish Blake and Cameron James. A great live episode in Melbourne. Yeah, get your earbuds ready. Have fun, everyone. Hey, mates.

Welcome to another big recording of Little Dum Dum Club. Good on you guys. And shout-outs to our listeners on the Patreon. Tune in. And give it up for my other host, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads. What's going on guys? Sorry we started a bit late.

I was just jacking off to a picture of Mario and Luigi. I was going to say, I had some questions, but that solved that. Tommy, I mean, this is a personal question, but are you doing the eyes? Yeah, if by the... Is everything alright? Do you seem a little bit, let's say different from normal? I had to ask my mum for $5,000 but Again, there's two points of ID

right there, so all my questions are sorted out right now How's the week been, Tommy? You're looking forward to another big episode. Anything happen? How's the Comedy Festival treating you? How's your solo show going? No one's coming.

One, two, three. Yep, great. Oh, that's a shame. I mean, it sounds like it's a good show. It's a dog shit show. I would not come to this one. Wait till next year, I'd say. Plenty of other good comedians at the festival.

I'm not one of them. What's going on with you, Carl? See, I told you this would go well. With me? Oh, man, I've just been excited to come out here and riff with one of my best friends, Tommy Dasso, which is, by the way, you. Thank you.

And are you excited about my big apology later in the episode? I've done a lot of bad things at the festival club. Oh, wow, if you could give us a sneak preview right now, I'm very excited. Let's just say it involves I didn't write this bit. It involves Denise Scott. The obvious target.

Old Denise asking for it, Scott. Wow, that's... Should you go now? Another classic Daslow catchphrase. Working beautifully. Sure, I mean, if you've forgotten something offstage, I mean, you could go and off stage I mean you could go and was that your phone you forgot?

yeah no it's actually I left my cancer pills sorry I gotta get them okay I don't usually do this but Tommy Dassault everyone I guess welcome back to the stage any second now Tommy Dass I mean let's give him a second I guess welcome back to the stage any second now.

Tommy, Tommy Dust? I mean, let's give him a second. Just in case he has to readjust his jacket or hat or anything like that. I mean, that's about the ideal time for adjusting the clothes that you're wearing and not staying on your body. I would say he's probably, fingers crossed, due any second now. Welcome back to the... Yes, welcome back to the stage, we hope. The same person you saw before, Tommy Dasolo.

Any sec... Oh, no, right. Yep, right. Any sec. Oh, no, right. Yep. Sorry, I took a little longer because I was busy doing maths and having an incredibly small penis on the side of the stage there. What's that in reference to? Good to be back on the stage I was

just on mere moments ago. Wow. Seems like almost a week ago that I was last up here, but, you know. Did you get your phone? You got your phone now? Yeah, yeah, I've got my phone. It's in my pocket.

I got this beer as well. Great. And I saw Denise Scott out the front and bashed her again, so I was going to apologise, but, nah, I'm just riding this wave. I'm committing 100%. Great, great. Hey, we've been talking a lot on the show recently.

I've been talking about having to do... Oh, by the way, end scene. Don't jump ahead. Oh, right. We've been talking recently about my squat exercises that I'm meant to be doing to build my bottom up. You got me to do them on stage last week and it's just

a good way of me remembering to be able to do them in the show. So, would you mind if I just did them again right now because otherwise I'll forget I mean for the people at home they love hearing a good squat so for sure we'll do them now just give me one second to go off stage and put this beer down and then I'll be right back to do my

squat exercises just get off and get your squatting gear on I assume well I'll again some of us Just get off and get your squatting gear on, I assume. Yeah, okay. Well, I'll... Again, some of us wrote some of it, and some of us wrote the other bit of it, so I guess... I guess this is the bit I didn't know about.

So, well, you know, Tommy... I mean, for people that can get a view from the side of the stage, him getting ready to squat must be quite a... Oh, right, Tommy's back, everyone. Yeah! For people at home, Tommy, the man you heard earlier, he's back. And he's squatting.

Is that enough, you reckon? I'd say that's more than enough. Thanks. Give it up again for Tommy. And let's give it a few moments, but I reckon in a minute or so, I reckon we should get him back. Welcome back, Tommy

Daslow. Right, right. I was exercising so vigorously that my arm came out of my jacket just then off stage, so yeah, my butt feels a lot bigger now. Thanks for indulging me in that. No problem. And scene.

Right. Fuck, I love the arts. Yeah. It's called theatre, you cunts. Look it up. What's that? A nomination? Nice.

Oh, we're going to get a Green Room Award. Yes. Oh, God. Melbourne. Arts. This is us. This really is us. $25. So... We've been talking on the show also.

This is a thing that we haven't really done in an episode proper, but we've been doing it in Talking Dumb Dumb. We have a new little segment called the Chandler Baby Name Corner. Oh, right. That we've been doing for a little while. We've been thinking up funny names that you could have called your child. Or could call a child in the future. And we've been doing for a little while. We've been thinking up funny names that you could have called your child. Yes. Or could call a child in the future.

And we've been saying we need a jingle for it. And someone finally did it. Someone finally made a jingle for the Chandler Baby Name Corner segment. So this, I'm not saying that this is like the best thing that's ever been recorded. But I am saying that it's the only thing that's ever been recorded for this segment. So let's hear the Chandler Baby Name Corner jingle. Hey, is this the weekly segment where we talk about... Is this it?

We need that jingle. We have the rights to this Chandler Baby Name Corner. Maybe there's not that much in it. Wham comedy, I think that'd be a good one. Andrew Ridgely comedy? That's a nice name for a girl. I mean Chandler. I've done that thing where I forget that your surname isn't comedy.

And I forgot too, by the way. It went with it. There we go. Got busted beating off in a public bathroom chandler. No, no. That's a girl's and a boy's name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great.

It's very woke. Yeah. So, again, a little bit of mailbag, a little bit of, like, literal mailbag. Someone has... People send us stuff sometimes. Not to my address. I don't fucking give that out.

But people will send it to, like, this pub, and I get calls from this pub going, we've got another fucking parcel. This isn't the Australia Post, cunt, okay? So, we got a parcel, and you know what? I usually give it a week or two to open up, because I'm always like, fuck, is there an expiration date on anthrax? Who knows?

Best before. It'll still get the job done, it'll just take a little longer. Yeah, so anyway, I got one of the best things I've ever got in the mail a few weeks ago and it's a little bit visual but I will explain it for people at home. But this is fucking great. So I got in the mail from a listener of the show

I got a cat bowl made with Crunchy's name on the front, with on the back the official face of eating pussies and then on the front, with on the back the official face of eating pussies. And then when Crunchy finishes her food and gets to the bottom of the bowl, it says fuck applause.

And a big shout out to anyone in the crowd who's been dragged along by a friend who doesn't listen to the show at this juncture. No, yeah, you'll catch up. Oh yeah, what's funny is the idea of eating pussy. Yeah, great. It is a great bit, I have to say. So shout out to Lynn Whelan who makes

these sort of things professionally. I don't know if this is like actually on the market or if this is a one-off. Yeah, can you buy them at Bed, Bath and Table? That's great. Anyway, go and ask Lynn Whelan if you can order your own personalised... Oh yeah, because she's got her own sort of

logo thing of her making these on the bottom of it. Oh yeah, that'd be great if we get her to do a capsule collection. If other people start ordering these from her. Just name all of our enemies on different cat bowls. All the people who we hate.

Fuck the barefoot investor. There you go. Don't get me down with that. Great. Just, yeah. One more thing, one more thing. So it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago here. Some people left some presents.

Did someone leave a present tonight? Yeah, we got a bag here. Oh, okay. Hang on. This is actually pretty funny. This is an envelope that says Comedia's College Fund. Oh right, Comedia which is my baby's name. Is it just money?

This is just literally money isn't it? Count it, maybe it's a funny amount of money. I doubt it though. Thai currency, very nice. Fuck, hang on, hang on. It is 69 bucks. Very nice.

Very nice. That is curry for two. That probably is like eight years worth of college over there to be fair. How dare you. And the second present is what's this? Oh, it's like a tiny...

It's a little onesie with the... It's a baby shirt with a beer sponsor. Very nice. It's pretty great. Yeah, that's great. Alright, so this is... Obviously for the next 20 minutes we'll just name presents that we've been given. This looks used.

Is this a... Is this a baby shoes never worn scenario kind of thing? Shut up. Oh, I've just remembered I have to go off stage for a second. Yeah, let someone else cop that one. Let's just do this every week from now on.

Alright, well, someone else can come sit in the bomb for a bit. Yeah, I might do it for most of my solo show. I might do it for my career. Someone else could just have the next six months of me, that'd be good. Great.

Also, last week, as you come into some shows, I don't know if it happened tonight, but usually you get a stamp as you come in. Someone gave us a present. Fuck, this is good.

A new stamp, but it says, Aware. So, from now on at the live shows, we can stamp someone on the wrist and it says aware on your wrist. Great. That's fucking great.

Thank you to whoever did that. I didn't bother reading the name. So, we're branding these people now. Jesus Christ. One step closer to the actual cult that we've been trying to set up. We are on the precipice at this point. The spaceship's coming by the planet. They're going to pick all of you up very soon.

Get your Nikes on. That's it. We need to name an official sneaker of the little dum-dum club, and then we're set. That's the only thing stopping it from being a fully-fledged cult. Really? Is that how cults work? Yeah.

We all need to be dressed in the same thing when we all kill ourselves. Right, right, right. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your first guest. On to the stage, Hamish Blake! Hamish! We gave you the intro you wrote.

Guys, it's Aaron Chen again. No. That's why it took so long. Just prosthetics, stilts. It's not our engine, but I have been masturbating to Mario and Luigi. He's breaking the fourth wall. This guy's like Deadpool.

This is awesome. Thank you for having me, fellas. Welcome back, our yearly catch-up. Welcome back. How you been? What's been going on? It's like dumb, dumb Christmas, isn't it? Do you want all 365 days?

Just 364. We know what happened today. Just a series of highlights. What happened on April the 14th last year? Great pick. Alright, so we all remember, obviously April 13th is International Hamish Day, so we all get together. With who else?

That's just the wash up. Who did you catch up with? Hamish McLaughlin from the AFL. Commentator. Yep. Who else?lin from the AFL. Commentator. Who else? Just all the big hitters, really. Hamish McBeth, does anyone remember that? Yes.

Fictional Scottish cop. You should know all the people with the name Hamish. I'm listing them. There's not tons. What about that cunt what reads the news on the project? Yeah, he's there. He's one of you. He's there. We all know his last name, so no need to say it. There's not tons What about that cunt What reads the news On the project Yeah He's there He's one of you

He's there We all know his last name So no need to say it We wouldn't want to Talk down to these people You sound like you Barely know his first name I've always called him

Hamedog I wasn't sure of the rest So yeah Crazy day Crazy day So yeah Fourteenth was just Just recovering

Three of you Four of you hanging out. Do you know what? Here's an actual thing, and maybe getting it out public, so you're just going to do a really awkward tall beer place down. When we used to be on radio, you'd often get... Oh, before you were... Sorry, unemployed now. Sorry to hear, by the way.

Internet radio, which is podcasting. We don't even have a Patron. Oh, Patron a Patron. Patron? That's an expensive alcohol, you idiot. Must be nice to not even know the name of the thing that pays our rent. Am I correct in saying you guys are just doing it for tequila?

Don't say that. We've got a man called Milan who will bring that to you. We've got a Don Julio account. Yeah, well we don't't... Don't say that. We've got a man called Milan who will bring that to you. We've got a Don Julio account, so... Yeah, well, we don't have hot phones, you idiot. OK, well, back in the day when it was simpler times and we'd work at radio stations, people would send you junk into the radio show all the time. But it was annoying because you couldn't re-gift it

because it often... It just made me think for a while for people to go, like, here's a wallet with Hamish written on it, or, like, here's a pair of work boots with Hamish written on it. And you'd have to bring that along to National Hamish Day. And they would hope that you'd be like get on air and talk about them right? You never did but what I began doing was asking

our producer, I was like I've never met Hamish McLaughlin from Channel 7 really like I might have waved at him at something but I was like can you get Hamish McLaughlin's details and every time we got something like a passport holder or something it was like Ham can you get Hamish McLachlan's details? And every time we got something, like a passport holder or something, I would package it up and I'd write him a note and I'd go, Dear Ham, I was at Chadston, I saw this, I thought of you.

And I'd slip it in and I'd send it to Hamish McLachlan. And I reckon I did about six of them and I've never heard anything like that. Really? So now it's like the only time I would ever possibly see him is I guess at the Logies. So it's just weird. I don't know if he's getting this stuff or if he's going to come to me and be like,

mate, you're such a lovely guy. Thank you so much. I'm happy to change my name to Hamish if it means I get the free Lexus sent my way that's just got Hamish across the side of it. I can't stress that it's mostly low-level leather goods. A Lexus would be low-level for you. Why did they send me one giant skate?

No, you're welcome to. I'll send you some Hamish merch. Right. Yeah, great, great, great. Let's both change our middle names to Hamish. Why am I not fucking getting anything from Karl Stefanovic? That would be fucking nice. Oh, yeah.

He must get shit. That would be a nice thing to do. I mean, he does get shit at the moment. And don't think you want what he's getting at the moment. Karl, I thought I'd send you eight guys hiding in a tree at the front of my house. Can I have your old wife at least? No, I don't know.

No, I'm just going to send you the eight guys with ponytails. Have you left anything off stage yet you need to go check on after that one? You don't need to go and look for something for about 50 minutes, do you? Jesus Christ. I love comedy. Alright, let's get our second guest out here Folks please welcome back Into the little Dun Dun Club Cameron James

Hello Hello Melbourne What a crazy crazy town That is your stage name of course Sorry Your real name is Aaron Chen Thank you very much everybody

Thank you very much Do I look any different? How are you on stage? Twice Your real name is? Aaron Chen. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you very much. Do I look any different? How are you on stage twice? As both of us. That's a lot of professional Cheniers. Oh, yeah, that was scary shit. I actually was afraid for a second that an Asian guy was going to walk out,

so I'm glad it was me. Thanks for having me on this. Before the show, and I really, I mean, this is one for the room. People at home won't get this because he did the voice so perfectly, so this will be confusing. Before the show, and I really, I mean, this is one for the room. People at home won't get this because he did the voice so perfectly, so this will be confusing. Before the show, Jenny arrives. Johnny goes, oh, here's a white T-shirt. Put it on.

I was like, what are you wearing a white T-shirt for? He goes, oh, it's a costume. I was like, it's not a very complicated costume. And I was really looking forward to seeing where the white T-shirt would come into play. And then when I saw it it was like mwah perfect yeah happy Halloween everyone the Dumb Dumb Club wardrobe department

working around the clock on that one it's Bishop Impossible two level prosthetics well everyone here knows Tommy for his white t-shirt so

it's a good t-shirt so it's the U t-shirt from Uniqlo right yeah we know my favourite brand of plain t-'s the U t-shirt from Uniqlo Right My favourite brand of plain t-shirt Anyone else rocking the U from Uniqlo? Everyone who didn't put your hand up, get out

I'd rather do this to no one That's everybody It's not the only thing fluffing the nest at the moment It's a sweet Uniqlo deal going on A little Aaron Chen just walked past us on the stage He's a regular Chris Lilley What's proven in Chinese? A little Aaron Chen just walked past us on the stage. He's a regular Chris Lilley. What's proven in Chinese?

Well, it's a pleasure to be here in your city. Thanks for having me, everybody. I love it here. I love it here. I had a coffee this morning. Congratulations, everybody. You guys did it. You made the best coffee. God damn it. We were trying to keep that morning. Congratulations, everybody. You guys did it. You made the best coffee. God damn it, we were trying to keep that on the download.

No, you guys did it. It got us, guys. An outsider got us. Don't tell him about our laneways. Hang on, your whatways? Don't you catch we catch you wearing grey and black. I'll catch up to you Melvins one day. I have a favourite cafe everybody

the Gloria Jeans at Tullamarine Airport you guys gotta check it out spectacular you gotta half hazelnut half peppermint yeah

it's a peppernut and it's a Melbourne thing yeah wow I had a free on $22 beautiful beautiful

it's a beautiful bean they've got out there isn't it it's great there's Mario's in Brunswick Street and there's Gloria Jeans at Tullamarine. Worth travelling for.

Just go out there and do a round trip back. Should we do that? What? Do a live pod in the Glory Jeans at Tullamarine? Does anyone actually go to Tullamarine apart from Ketel and Wayne? Does anyone go to Tullamarine and buy a car? They have a car dealership on the way in.

Is that just me that always goes, who is impulse buying a Mercedes-Benz van? I always buy a Lexus at Sydney Kingsford Smith Airport as well. Are they like businessmen running to the airport? That is actually what I need. So you're walking to the airport and you're like, finally, a better way. That seems faster than my brogues.

Yeah, I was going to say, because the impressive thing would be just, like, flying into Melbourne, buying a car, and then driving to the city. But that's way better. Buying a car that's driving 50 metres. Parking, spending the same amount on the car as you spend on parking. Right, and you park it in the long-term car park, and then when you get back from your trip, you're like, I can't remember the licence plate.

I can't even remember what fucking car I bought. If you think you've it all wrong, you buy the car sign up for Uber sign up for Uber, pick up the fucking departure. Actually, not a bad idea to come and go hey do you mind if I take it for a test drive? Jump on Uber drop some off, bring it back

You've made your money back. You know what? I'm thinking I'm a Lambo man. I don't think this Mercedes is for me. I'm in Lambo, man. Yeah, yeah. I don't think this Mercedes is for me. I'm going to duck one dealership over, you do the whole thing again. Oh, man, this is like dumb cunt Ferris Bueller.

The Grand Flick. Did anyone read that report, just while I was doing that Melbourne Airport car parking, that they make like, did anyone read how much money those guys make? They make something like 600600 million a year. They're making like Hamish and Andy money. I read it and I was like, $600 million a year?

That's three times our daily salary. Yeah. In one year! Time for the airport parking guys to get into podcasting. Me and Andrew, we've never paid for parking. Often, if we have to fly in the same, we go in the same car, park, short term, and, I mean, I know we should be admitting this,

but we've talked about it before on air, so this proves our point. They're not coming for you. Always ghost out. Like, you always... Does anyone here not ghost out? Good. You go what?

Well, you ghost the car in front of you out. Oh. Hang on a second. You're not paying for your ticket? You are not paying for your ticket? You are not paying for your ticket. We're sticking it to big business. Sticking it to big business,

Kenny. Stay with me. You're big business. Yeah, you are. How are we big business in front of my car? They're the little guy. This is trickle down

economics. This parking is not the little guy. This is madness. It's a car park. Wilson the volleyball on Castaway. He's the little guy.

I'd never rip him off. No, listen. I support the airport car parks I even pay for their Patreon I do I really do I subscribe that's a real mum and pop operation

that you're fucking over I've been buying him Patron I've been buying him rounds of tequila I'll just say thank you just anonymously I don't know who it comes from but here's the thing

airport parking it's like what is it like $80 a day and then like $200 for three days or something the fine is $110. So if you're there for more than one day, take the fine.

It's like, I wouldn't be back there for a month. Are you on radio tonight? It'd be like making money. I'd take all the Mercedes and park them all in there and then we could all drive out as a big show, fun expedition in our test drive with like 80 Mercedes going up. Because the other thing is the boom gates. Everyone's like, oh no, the boom gate will come down on your car.

The boom gates will come down on your car. They're too scared. They wouldn't pay for it. So anyway, welcome to saving money with Hamish White. Are you guys going to use that rubbing paper or can I take it? This is the gods, because I have some loose fish and chips out the back Were you and Annie

I might use that What would you pay for wrapping paper? $5? What if I told you I could sell you a piece right now for a dollar cash? The Tonya Todman of radio Hamish Blake We just enjoy sticking it to big business It's a protest for overpriced car parking.

Were you and Andy just getting paid like $500 a week on radio, but you're rich because you're a massive tie-dye? That's what you do. You go to the restaurant, you just walk out without paying. They're not going to chase you. Appreciate the free beer too. We should get another guest on. Let's get our third guest out here.

Folks, please welcome back. Oh my God. Into the little town. Oh my God....into the little... Oh, my God. ...Paul Foot! All right. Aaron Chen to the stage. Aaron Chen to the stage.

All right. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. In a minute or two He's coming slowly from the back What an entrance

I feel like he could take another round of applause Wow What a power move I love it Huge power move It's been Now there's a guy That pays double for parking It's been... Now there's a guy that pays double for parking. It's been five years since his last appearance

and he's due in another five years, I believe. So, please, eventually, as he's doing some physical comedy for people that can't see it... I've just remembered I might need to go get something off stage, actually. Fuck this. And now literally no-one can see this. Only we. Fuck this. And now literally no one can see this. Only we can see this. And we can barely see it.

It's good stuff though. It is good stuff. It's great stuff. Everyone enjoys it a lot. It reminds me of the thing of the Mr Bean records. It's the Mr Bean of comedy.

One of the most popular guests we've ever had on the show, Paul Foot everyone we did it we're already in rare air until you speak, the people at home have no evidence you've appeared here. You're not allowed to speak, I reckon.

Cut the mic, please. Cut the mic. Cut the mic. Hello. Evidence. He's done it. He's done it again. Not easy to get here, is it?

Fuck, I think we have plenty of time. It's difficult to get to this stage. Sorry about that. We did put a lot of hurdles in front of you like nothing. What was the problem? Well, the problem... And go into detail. I was down, I was in another part down there.

And so when you were up the back, though, you clearly saw we were 50 metres away. Yes. You could have come a bit closer before. Yes, but I didn't know when I returned to be introduced, you see. You just said the third guest. I didn't know whether I was the third, fourth, fifth, sixth. To be fair, there was only one still left.

Having said that, we could be doing a school photo arrangement. We could have ten more behind us. And five in front, sitting on the floor, legs crossed. Holding a little piece of paper that says Dum Dum Club. Yeah. 2019. I do a lot of these podcasts when the number of guests is bigger than the number of stools. Right.

Yes, I do a lot of those, so that's what I suppose was in my mind. Right, yeah, guest to stool ratio above one. Is that a UK thing? It's a UK thing. In fact, this is very unusual for me, sitting on a stool. I'm not used to having my own stool. Normally, I would be made the seventh or eighth guest.

There'd be five stools and I'd be one of the people kind of roaming around like this. I'm more comfortable roaming. Be careful, you're standing on the wrapping paper. The payment should get us 90 cents. It's a resale value of a dollar. So now I feel more at ease. This is more how I do my podcast stuff.

And I've got different techniques. Like sometimes I do it like this, backwards and forwards, like facing the audience. But sometimes there might be an audience in the podcast, but I just face away from them. Nice, nice. Just say things like, how are you doing? Yeah, good.

Not guilty, so it makes me feel like we're jurors and you're giving us the final assessment. I would never convict, sir. Oh, yes. You're doing box pop within our guests. Yes, yes. You're doing a surreal thing there about the courtroom scene. Not as surreal as the back to the audience bit.

More of an analogy. Anyway, it's enough of this silliness. I'll get back to the story. Have your seat. You've earned it. People at home. If only people at home knew the direction he was sitting.

People at home, he's not even on the stage yet. He's still at the back of the room on a wireless mic. Can I just say, for the purposes of those listening, I'm shunning convention. What Paul is doing today is a middle finger to traditional angles of audience performance. Rules be damned. This is a huge break.

Fuck Pythagoras. He's got a new angle happening. Fuck Pythagoras. He's got a new angle happening. Fuck Pythagoras. Would have been great if that was on the back of Paul's jacket. I'll square whichever side I fucking want. Pythagoras is cancelled. Hang on a second. Now the stool is moved.

To the fourth wall. I'm going to form a scalene triangle. Okay, truly fucked by Fagrus. This is truly an ad for coming to the live show because people at home, you're missing out on the two foot that Paul Foote has moved his stool.

I don't want to be the Aaron Chen in the room here, but I think the configuration you've put that in, we've got a four stool and a one stool, is it scaling the same as an isosceles? Because I think you've formed a right angle triangle. I think that's still... That's actually Pythagoras' theorem at work right now.

Perhaps, Paul, if I may be so bold, if you were to move over here... Now we're talking isosceles. And this is isosceles. Now I can feel Ronnie Chang not freaking out. However, I've got to say, Paul, if you want to be included as one of the points in the geometric shape, we've now got a parallelogram or a rhomboid.

Yeah. But if you don't want to be included, you are lounging around on the edge of the isosceles. I have had so many things said, and it's time for me to speak now. The comedian's in a monologue. Silence, everybody. Let the white man speak. Stop laughing. Let the white man speak

Stop laughing Let the white man speak Stop laughing, this is comedy I'm finding this deeply distressing The isosceles is one of the types of the scalene triangles A subset of the scalenes And as I talk about rhomboids it's utterly irrelevant.

What a burn. What a burn. Unless the four of you start moving your stools we have no chance of forming a rhomboid. Well you tell me. Where do you want me Paul?

Guys I'm happy to do a pentagram if you're up for it. We can. I'm too scared. I'm too scared. Where do you want me, Paul? Guys, I'm happy to do a pentagram if you're up for it. We can. I'm too scared. I'm too scared. I don't want to. Who cares? It's Saturday. Let's make a fucking school pentagram.

All right, I'll pentagon if that's a bit safer. Paul, where do you want us? But Hamish, no one's ever pulled one of them off on a live podcast before. Shut up, Tommy! We're already breaking rules. You saw what happened at the start with all the cool costumes. All right. Oh, shit. Wait a second.

If you guys could see what I'm seeing from here. Is anyone familiar with that quite famous building in America, the Pentagon? Can you describe the shape? Maybe I'll recognise that. It's kind of like, sort of like a poor man's hexagon. Okay. So we're doing...

Oh, I've got another idea. Oh, no. Wait a second. Paul has just revealed that his stool was Aaron Shen all along. This one, this one, this one and this one, it makes a rhomboid and then you go away. Oh, no. Sorry, Ham.

Sorry, Hamish. You're the one that has annoyed me the most. I'm putting that on my business card. See you next year, Hamish. Hey, thanks so much, guys. Really appreciate the long beer and the dollar. Aaron Shen, everyone. Thanks, guys. Thank you so much guys really appreciate the long beer and the dollar Aaron Chen everyone

thanks guys thank you so much see you Chetty I'll just sit over here in geometric purgatory I was I was prepared to tolerate you

when you did the the courtroom scene thing I thought okay I'll go with the courtroom scene I'll be the judge and you're the witness of the prosecution

but when it was these kind of words about the scalene triangles and the rhomboids and it wasn't even based geometrically on geometric fact. It was just lies. It was lies. You did make a right angle and you said it was a scalene.

Hamish, are you okay? I blink twice and Andy will appear. I'm not 100% convinced Andy's not here in elaborate makeup. However, I would love... Do you know what? I'm going to throw something out here. It's a crazy dream.

And I know we've got off on a really... We've got off literally on the wrong foot. We have. And I admit... This is the wrong foot. Jesus Christ. Wouldn't it be amazing if by the end, and it's not going to happen any time soon, I know,

but if by the end we were buddies. We were friends. And I admit, I'm prepared to admit, the scaling triangle with the right angle was a misjudgment. That is a really beautiful thing to say. And I thank you. If I'd moved it a little bit to one side or something. That's all I was saying.

Yes, I understand. Okay, okay. Well, I guess we won't get any complaints about this Paul Ford episode. Guys, I just want to say I don't know if you could hear it I don't know if it was marked or not but we sorted out our differences and I love Paul Foot

We sorted it out Like men who are trying to rapidly remember their year 10 geometry On any number of street corners in South Central LA, just a beef, just a feud, a couple of guys throwing around some maths terms at each other,

grasping at their old vocab, and one of them made a mistake, and then the other one was a little bit harsh. I'm sorry I upset you. I feel like a goose, you know. You were one of my favourite comedians, and I came in here and I just called you on a bloody angle. I mean, I was right. I feel like a goose, you know. You're one of my favourite comedians and I came in here and I just called you on a bloody angle. I mean, I was

right. I was right, but it doesn't make it better. Yeah. What happened was wrong because we love each other and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Everything. It is a type of

scaling triangle. It's actually not. It is. Hang on. It's one of the types. Right. Do you know what Paul and I are like?

This will get a big laugh. Oh, no. We're kind of like a sine and a cosine wave. Often out of phase, sometimes we come together and we're the same, but then back out of phase.

We cancel each other out. But not every one wavelength we're the same, but then back out of phase. We cancel each other out. But not every one wavelength, we're the same. Oh, well... What about if we were at different wavelengths? Yes. See, I think this is the episode that's going to really break us, I think. Yeah. I've got to be honest, I was prepared to say cunt about 18 times.

I'm not prepared for this. Wavelength talk. I'm just saying. I can't believe the four-letter word that we are using most often is trig. Put your hand up if you quickly checked if that was four letters, because I don't know. I thought it might be five, and we might have another correction on our hands.

Worth pointing out, me and Carl are still on stage for the listener at home. We have been here the whole time, just taking a bit of a break. I'm presently on stage, but mentally elsewhere. I've left. Can I just say something? Please, please.

It's about time you said something, actually. It's not important. I know it will be cut out of the podcast. I know that. I know that. But if we were to sine and cosine waves... Good, good. We're back.

If our wavelengths were each a whole integer which had no common denominators, then... Yes, go on. Then, like, say, five and seven that have no common denominators, then... Yes, go on. Then, like, say, five and seven that have no common denominators, it would only be every 35 times that would be in harmony.

Shit, so every 35 minutes you and me get along. Yes. Well... Well... And that was... That was it right there. So there's nothing anyone in the room can do, but anyone listening on the podcast can start pressing that plus 15 second button.

Finally, a benefit for the listener at home. I'm on a five minute wavelength, so every five minutes I get aggressive, and then I get all emotional trying to make things up. You're seven minutes, you see. We happen to be seven. So anyway, that's the situation.

Anyway, none of that's important. I feel bad that me and Tommy are still on stools. I feel like we should all be standing. Yeah. Well, it became sort of like a really slow, disorganised dance circle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I felt like one of us was going to start breakdancing.

Yeah. On the side of the room, too nervous to go and talk to the girls over the other side. Just, uh... Anyway, we're back. We're all friends. What's the topic? What's the topic? What are we talking about?

Circles. What have you topic? What's the topic? What are we talking about? Circles, what have you got? Someone's not... Oh, no. It's not a podcast, it's maths friendly. Yeah, yeah. All right, good. Well, thanks. Wait, for the listener at home, I said to Paul,

circles, what have you got? And then he just walked in a circle. Which, to be fair... I wasn't going to go into it, because I haven't come here to discuss trigonometry and geometry. That's not what we're here for. Do you have anything else that you would

like to discuss? We'd just like to welcome you back, because we've had a troubled past with you. Yes, well, I know about that, because I know that it was divisive, which is what my comedy is like, really. So I get it.

I mean, your comedy's divisive, your maths is spot on. Except when it's divisive, which is... Sometimes it multiplies. But at the same time, at least my comedy doesn't just use the lowest common denominator. Wow. I tell you what, Carl. And scene.

Still want to say cunt 18 times? Maybe 14. Yeah, this cunt's got us there, Carl. But yes, when I was on the podcast last time, there were a lot of people who said they really liked it and a lot of people said they didn't really like it. Did that word actually get back to you? Oh, yes, it's all on the social media, isn't it?

Right. Because we... As an outside observer here, I've not heard the episode. What were the events for and against? Well, we've actually got a few highlights of the last... Julio, can we just have the short highlight reel of Paul's last appearance? I'd love a catch-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great, great. We're up to here, podcast. We're going to post so much now, Paul. Any questions, Hamish? Yes. I can see Paul looking at you now, smiling, going What's the problem?

That was a little song that I made up on the day at the podcast but the interesting thing is since then, I've adapted it I won't do it now because it's quite similar really Well? I won't do it now because it's quite similar, really. There's a few changes. Well, I'd like to hear it, Paul.

Well, this is just an excerpt from it. See, the change. That was good. That's subtle but powerful. I wish I hadn't started in E flat minor. Ooh, tricky. Tricky. Yeah, we've really left you no where to go. We're back on stools now.

We're back on stools. We're back on stools. We're back on stools. Quick, everyone's got stools. Quick. We're back on stools by no means. Back inools. All right, everyone. Quick, everyone's got stools. Quick. We're back on stools by no means. Back in formation. Quick.

Great. There we go. Right. We've gone from unconventional back to a mainstream podcast. Great. This felt like prohibition podcasting. Like, oh, just a podcast going on here. Quick.

Quick. So was the singing, was that the big sort of divisive point of that episode? Or were there other instances? I mean, don't ask us. We loved it. Ask these guys. Because you were trapped in another dimension. You were trapped in the singing dimension.

You were finding it very hard to get out into the speaking dimension. That's what happened. I got trapped in a dimension. I was singing and I was trying to escape through the method of song. And I did. Eventually, I did escape. I escaped and got back into the real world.

And I've been in the real world for three years until I got back into this podcast. Now I've gone back into the dum-dum dimension. Oh, we've got our own dimension. Yeah, this is the dum-dum dimension.

Oh, lovely. It's great to have you here because I feel like, I know we haven't seen you for five years, but we've heard about you every fucking day. Well I hear about myself every day as well. It's nice to hear that it's having an impact five years later.

Totally. I wonder whether this podcast people will speak of it in four and a half years. I remember it. Last time, what happened in the podcast was that there was a form of words that would cause me to get trapped in the dimension. Yes. And it was banned from British Airways for life.

And by chance, it came up later on in the podcast. Yeah. And by chance, it came up later on in the podcast. But if the... It's different now, but if the particular form of words should come up, which is very unlikely, very unlikely, but by chance, I would get trapped in another dimension. Right. Any way of telling what dimension that would be?

Well, what... Like a beatboxing dimension? Oh, I see what you mean. It's a snake dimension. A snake. And what happens there? I'm the cobra. You're the king cobra?

It actually sounds pretty cool. Almost like you're daring us to say those words. But you don't know what the words are. I reckon snaky, snaky. Is it banned from British Airways? No,

that was last time. No, it's something different. Oh, they changed the update. Snaky, sneaky. Guys,

learn a bit of dimension stuff. I mean, they're never going to use the same code words twice. Yeah, right. No, it's not even worth trying.

You'll just, you might just stumble on it or you might not, you know. Do you think, it's almost like you'll decide when the words... Well, yeah.

I probably will decide. It probably helped me to... So if I said something like, I've been getting a lot of offers for horse memorabilia, that's the sort of thing that could do it. Yeah, right. But not that time. It just landed a bit left.

If we had a flat spot, maybe like now. Well, that's had a flat spot, maybe, like now. Well, that's a possibility, but really, another thing is... What about, should we turn the air conditioning on? Anything? Actually, I wouldn't mind a drink, Malone. But how long is it till the end of the podcast? Because that will help me to know.

If it's, like, five minutes to the end, then I might... This is not a predetermined dimension shift, but it just would be... And a completely separate topic, it would be nice to know how long to go. Yeah, it would be nice. Yes, because the thing is once I go to this snake thing

it's difficult to get out. You've got no wrists you can't have a watch. Yeah, hypothetically. I mean, but your whole body's a wrist. Hypothetically, I believe we have. That is, that is the words.

Your whole body's a wrist. Your whole body's a wrist. Oh, my God. It's the words. Is it happening? You thought we wouldn't get it. Yeah, just by chance. It's a common saying. Just by chance, suddenly.

Welcome to Australia. We say that every day. Don't forget, down here, mate, your whole body's a wrist. I literally thought, what are the chances of hearing that? It seems so unlikely. You were stabbing at different things. Is it snaky, snaky, snaky? Other things, air conditioning.

You're lucky you didn't see that Lara Bingle campaign, because that was it. Yeah. Oh, yes. But anyway, you could... Australia, your whole body's a risk. Yeah, that's not a risk. Your whole body's a risk. Go's not a wrist, your whole body's a wrist.

Go on, take a wrist on the stroke. Throw another whole wrist body on the barbie. As you can tell, I haven't gone into the snake dimension yet. It's just a slightly delayed reaction. There's like a grace period before it kicks in. There is a little grace period. Get your affairs in order. It's like, yeah, it's a slow burn. It's like you get delayed reaction. There's like a grace period before it kicks in. There is a little grace period. Get your affairs in order. It's like, yeah, it's a slow burn.

It's like you getting to the stage. Going around the whirlpool. You'll slowly notice more of the aspects of the king cobra. Slowly. Just so we know, because we'll stay in this dimension, I assume, will we see you become a snake or will you slowly disappear from view? Oh, well... LAUGHTER

I mean, that's entirely up to you if you'd like me to slowly disappear. Yes, I might slowly... I think I will slowly... LAUGHTER It seems like it's entirely up to you, actually. Yeah, yeah, it is up to me, really. But I was only asking,

as you are in this this case, the employer and I the employee, your humble servant. But yes, I think the snake will slowly go from here. I heard a hiss. Did you guys hear that? Did you notice that?

Was that a tell right there? Just a little moment. I don't think I even noticed it. If you die in the snake dimension, do you die in real life? Is that a tell right there? Paul? Just a little moment. I don't think I even noticed it. Just a little snake moment. If you die in the snake dimension, do you die in real life? Oh, great question. Thank you, Cameron. Yes, yes.

I would. It's so nice to hear a confident master. Yeah, yeah. At work, explaining other dimensions. I mean well you'll know that last night one of our

fellow comedians died on the stage joining Tommy Dasol at his solo show or it was

it was great for me it was a 6 out of 10 okay anyway a comedian died I think joining Tommy Cooper and one or two other people

died on stage. Had a heart attack on stage. Yep. So... Do you... Thanks for coming, everyone. Slightly lighten the topic, because you become the King Cobra. Yes.

In the other dimension. Yes, that's the point. Are you ruler of that dimension? I'm ruler of the dimension, but... Do you have a queen? I have a queen, yes. Ooh, sounds suspicious. You don't sound that into it.

Is that man there with the glasses? I noticed something between you guys. Yeah, that is the queen cobra. So when you disappear from view slowly, will he also disappear from view? Yeah, he might well. Yeah, he might well. So just so you know,

you'll probably have to leave that row. Okay, we don't want to bash you over the head probably have to leave that row in a little bit. Okay we don't want to bash you over the head with it. You seem like a pretty smart guy.

Yeah but you will probably have to leave the room. What we're doing here is we're

planning a scene for the show. I heard another hiss everyone. It is taking a while to

kick in I have to say. The tongue's coming out. Your whole body's a wrist. Your whole body's a wrist. Your whole body's a wrist. Your body is becoming a wrist.

Your whole body's a wrist. Uh-oh. Wow. Wow. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, there's a lot of movement in the hips. It's a regular snake tails up here. Yeah, yes.

There is. Put it this way. There's some slippery stuff happening up here. I'll be honest. When Paul started singing, I thought, he's probably making it up. He might be making it up, and he might just pretend to go to another dimension, but now I've seen it, it's real.

Oh, the snake's going into the crowd. Sorry if I caught you with my venom there. He spat out some venom for the listeners. This is really happening, guys. Now, the mic has gone down because... The snake is quite freaky. The snake is approaching. What do I do?

What do I do? He's more scared of you than you are of him. The snake is... Remember, don't look like a mouse. Don't look like a mouse. I am going to try and grab the snake by the tail. You're not in the outback, mate.

I'm going to try and grab the snake by the tail. Careful. What are you doing in this situation? Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Fuck!

It's constricting the room! Fuck! No! Someone get me a rake! Get me a rake! No! Get me a rake in a bin! No, he's eaten Sydney's eighth best comedian!

Oh! Oh, there's Aaron Chen back here. Oh! Wow. Jesus Christ. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. Oh, God, we've never had a casualty on the podcast before. Okay. But everything else that's happening, you've had once before.

Oh, no. Oh, no. The king got ready. Guys, don't try to grab its tail. Oh, no. He's going, the snake's going to the crowd. Oh, my God. The king has found its queen.

This usually happens in the drum cast Not in a regular episode Oh my god We need to get Just in case it's not clear in audio format The snake king Is mounting his queen In another dimension Yet somehow we are still

Granted access to it Tommy that reminds a feeling we're in the dimension. Tommy, that reminds me, did we get insurance this year? Not for snake shawl harassment. Beautiful, beautiful stuff. Thanks a lot, guys. We've been a little... Watch this. Oh, no.

What is going to happen? I don't think there's much of an endgame inside here. It seems as if the King Cobra is picking out another victim. Oh, no. Is that what's happening, King Cobra? What, King? I mean, I'm just trying to capture the majesty of what this is. King, we can see you as a snake somehow pointing,

but you can also use your words. Repeat this if I'm not microphone. Yeah,. Repeat this, because I've knocked microphones. Yeah, yeah, we know. I've just seen there a little shrew. A little shrew. Paul has seen this before. Okay, all right.

The shrew is now like creature. He's now slithering through the audience. And King Cobra, if this in any way influences what you're doing, there's probably about eight minutes left of the pod,

so I would say a lot less, hypothetically, like I have a show to do very soon, so. And King Cobra, if this in any way influences what you're doing, there's probably about eight minutes left of the pod. Oh, yeah. I would say a lot less, hypothetically, like I have a show to do very soon. Can I ask how come the Queen isn't following the King? I feel like... Good question. You guys should maybe... Because it's 2019, chants. Someone said it.

Thank you on behalf of all the female snakes out there. Thank you, Tommy. Well, well, well. Check out Snake Nanette over here. I'm not a big fan of sexual harassment. Oh, wow. I simply will not tolerate Queen's falling. All right, where is he?

We have no... He's literally slithering from you as promised. We've lost a guest. This has never happened before. You guys keep saying that, but it kind of infers like all the other stuff has happened. Oh, yeah, like we've had someone do the snake thing. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but we haven't lost one. That's the scary bit. Where's... Oh, hang on. Oh had someone do the snake thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but we haven't lost one. That's the scary bit. Where's, hang on. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, bro. Demands attention. The snake is speaking.

I've suddenly just come, I don't know why, but I've come out of the snake. You've come out of the snake dimension. Sorry. He's come out of the snake dimension. Paul has just told us he's returned to the human dimension. Sorry, go on, Paul. And I'm trapped here. You're trapped. I've just come to get back to the stage dimension. Sorry, go on, Paul. And I'm trapped here. You're trapped.

To get back to the stages, I'd like to come and do some general material. Paul would like to come back and do some proper comedy. He wants to come and do some general material. Yeah, we've still got four minutes left for the general outro. You've got four minutes to get back here and maybe do a couple of snappy one-liners. I will say this, though, Paul.

We saw you take some time when unimpeded to get to the stage. You're now surrounded by a sea of people. You need a PB to get back to stage by the end of the show. But I believe in you. I want to do some general stuff

about the area. Local material. Let's do some local material. What a great material. Melbourne. What a great city. Melbourne. Yeah. Great city.

Paul wants to do Melbourne stuff. When you're in the cafes, you have to wait ages for your latte. That's true. Yeah, that is true. You do wait a while for your latte, yeah. I want to come to the stage and I want to win. Okay, the Queen. Don't burn all your Melbourne gear now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take the Queen. So Paul to come back to the stage Don't burn all your Melbourne gear now Wait till you get back on the mic

Take the Queen So Paul's heading back Through the crowd Julio, God, I hope you've bumped the audience mic up That'd be fantastic I hope you've got a mic in that dimension, Julio, up the back He's making his way back People in the audience are being very helpful right now

Very much appreciated Great live show Welcome back Welcome back to the stage Paul Foot And his Cobra Queen People in the audience are being very helpful right now. Very much appreciated. Great live show. Guys, would you welcome back? Welcome back to the stage, Paul Foot. Paul Foot. And his Cobra Queen. For people at home, this might be a new most hated episode. I feel like you two should sit together.

Could we, my lord, my name please Larry all hail Queen Larry Queen Larry everybody yeah yeah and how long have you two been together

we've been a king and a queen since, well... We're in our own dimension, so we're sort of out in our own space-time. Right, separate. Roughly, it's been about a week, really. Yeah, right. We were lucky enough to see a royal coupling. How was that?

It was a great experience, you know. I don't know. Finally good to get another white guy up here, you know. We're doing it all! No, you shouldn't go, Larry. You're our queen. I mean, well, you're Paul's queen. And what's the weirdest place you've ever made whoopee?

Well, once we did it... We did it in a... Well... In a well? In a well. In a well. In a well? In a well. In a well. In a... In a...

A shrew. A shrew? No. In a shrew? No, it was in a kestrel sanctuary. Wow. I just got a text message. This is the first time I've ever walked out of a comedy show.

Who's that from? How does my dad have your number? Everyone has my number. Yeah, so it was in a sanctuary for kestrels and we'd got in there sort of unofficially because obviously in a kestrel sanctuary

Cobra is the last thing they want. Your Highness, I don't want to interrupt you but your majesty, your wife, royal, I swear allegiance to forever in the Cobra dimension, the last thing I want Your Highness, I don't want to interrupt you but your majesty, your wife my royal, I swear allegiance to forever in the cobra dimension, not in the human dimension she just looked at me and said I'm going to go Ladies and gentlemen, the Queen

Queen Larry They're getting a divorce Let's all go Let's all go Queen Larry There's actually a little cobra on the way Thank you divorce. Let's all go. Let's all go. But that's not all, folks. There's actually a little cobra on the way. So...

You get to exit by the steps. A nice loving hat on the back to the king. Have you just eaten a mouse or is that a baby bump? Off you go then. Off you go then, you bastard. I was in the middle of thinking about the Kestrel Sanctuary

and if you'd let it develop but no for people at home there might be someone with a show directly after this that needs to get to it Paul any final thoughts before we wrap this up why the fuck would you say that because I don't care about

your solo show. I mean, Cam, from you and me, I suppose everything went sort of as expected. It's kind of how we thought it was going to go from the beginning. Yeah, sort of played out to the script perfectly. Yep. The end! Anything you'd like to leave these people with?

Well, supposing... There was a... Supposing... I'm going to my show. Keep it brief. Oh, first the Queen and now Carl. Stop letting everyone know they have the ability to leave. See you, mate. A little...

See you. Have a good gig. A little. A little. I'll just carry on. To be honest, I did tell my wife I'd be home by six to do bed and bath. This is a bit like that other show you were on, but it's

thank God he's not here. I'll just carry on and people just leave when they like. Okay. Just business as usual. A little... Oh, a few people are going as well.

It looks like... Oh, fucking hell. Apparently Carl is the barometer in the room. A little shrew is very lonely. Come to my show.

Everybody go see Carl's show. Go see Carl's show. If you've got tickets to that. We'd better wrap it. We'll wrap it up formally for the recording. You can do a postscript. Do you want to just continue at the bar? And if anyone wants to hear it acoustic,

we could just all hang at the bar. If anyone wants to hear more like acoustic we could just all hang at the bar. If anyone wants to hear more from Paul you can probably hear it in your own heads later, just forever. The little shrew has no friends. One day he's in danger and he realises he needs

friends and he should have made friends before so he regrets not making friends. The little shrew is in danger. Thanks so much for having me, guys. Thank you, everybody. Oh, my God. Go, go, go.

Can I just say, Paul, at the start we mused about a utopia where you and I were buddies again. Yeah. It's 35 minutes ago. I don't think we made it. Oh, what a hug. I feel like the snake.

And now what? I'll sit here all night. I've got nothing else to do. My show's not till 8.20. I've got time. All right, guys. We'd better wrap it up. Please give a big round of applause.

Ken James. Thank you. Hamish Blake. Paul Fort. Thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate. And they've done it again.

We have. Absolutely have. What a show. Now, look, as we're speaking, Tommy, you haven't edited this, so good luck. Thank you. I appreciate you keeping me in your thoughts. Yes. We have 24 hours to go until we're doing a live show in Serbia,

so I'll be interested to see how your time allocation goes with that. Yep. I reckon you've got a fair bit of work on your hands with that episode. Yeah. That's fine. Okay, well, that's good. We'll get done. It's fine. All right. Defensive's good. We'll get done. It's fine.

All right. Defensive Tommy Dasol. You heard it first. Well, I'm feeling a bit attacked, so I'm being defensive. It's just an observation. Okay. Yeah. You don't have to cry about it so hard.

Please don't tell people that I'm crying right now. I'd really appreciate you not doing that. Well, you're the editor on this show, so you can... This is an audio medium. They can't see the tears. The crying hasn't become audible yet. And you've just really sold me out here. Guys, Tommy's not crying.

Thank you. Fuck, man. You're telling me not to say, and then you're audibly doing it. Oh, is that picking up on the mic? Well, I don't know if it is. It's picking up in my ears. Right, okay. I'm not listening to the podcast. Right then you're audibly doing it. Oh, is that picking up on the mic? Well, I don't know if it is. It's picking up in my ears. Right. Okay.

I'm not listening to the podcast. Right. You're not. I'm part of it. You sort of are currently listening to it while you're doing it. Yeah, yeah. Right. It's very meta.

It's very meta performance what you're doing right now. Yeah. This is one of the first times this thing has been done. Yeah. Listening to a podcast as I'm doing it. Mm-hmm. Because usually I've got my fingers in my ears and I'm blocking out everything you say when we're doing this.

Cotton wool in there. So you can barely hear yourself as well. Yeah. It's just like muffled in your own head. Having said that, I do think about what I'm about to say. So I may not hear it back, but I'm pretty sure I know what it is. Yeah. Because I'm thinking of it.

Yeah. As for you, no idea. Right. No idea. It's just a coincidence it's just a happy coincidence that most of the time i say stuff and then you happen to respond perfectly to what i've said do you well i never listened back so i never knew that you do that's what's remarkable about it wow i i see the earmuffs on and i say something and then it's like you reply

as if you were able to hear me but you you weren't. And it's like actually a remarkable synergy that we have going on. That's great because I always thought as the podcast grew, I thought all people obviously just like this surreal nonsense that we put out every week with two absolutely disconnected conversations happening at the same time. I thought, wow, there's a lot of freaks out there. But now, what, we're just like a regular show. I guess it goes to show how good we are at being surreal,

that even us trying to be surreal, it's not surreal, which is sort of the most surreal thing that you can do. To attempt to do it and not properly do it, that's weird shit. To accidentally be normal is just a real amazing skill set that we've developed. I agree. This is amazing what we're saying right now. If anyone got annoyed by Paul Foot, fuck. You'll be mega annoyed by this.

But yeah, we should... Can you hit the cough button right now? Jesus Christ. Yeah, how are you? I'm not faring great. I'm trying to save myself a little bit. Yeah, I'm not... Knocking on death's door. There's a myself a little bit. I'm, yeah, I'm not. Knocking on death's door.

There's a few, there's a few ailments, there's a few things going wrong with me at the same time at the moment, which is, this is not ideal. It's not conducive for what I'm doing at the moment. No. Which is trying to.

Do content. Do content. Yeah. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Unless, unless the content's about feeling like an absolute bag of shit. Yeah.

Or box. But I think people can, people can hear that in your voice. Yeah. In the same way that they could hear my tears before they could hear your illness. I'm actually very conscious of, now I'm talking onto the microphone and thinking, well, I better wipe this afterwards

because I feel like fucking shit. Good. Get the sanitiser out and just give it a good scrub. But this is relatable stuff because, you know. We've all been sick. People get sick. Yeah. You know.

I had cancer. I'm relating to this. I've sent him off. I've sent him off, folks. Did you have to wipe the mic after that as well? I did, yeah. Yeah. Constantly on the radio station and at the hospital.

Fucking hell. Sorry. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this. Don't have to apologize. Happens to the best of us. And in this case, you as well. Very big of you to admit all of those things.

All right. Let's talk about the episode briefly. Let's, you know, I feel like we need to unpack a few things. So, like I said, fuck knows how this sounds. Yep. Like I said, you've got a big job on your hands quite genuinely. Yep. Because in the room, I was like, this is great fun in the room.

I hope it translates to everyone at home. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, it does or it doesn't. It's like if it doesn't translate, there's not a lot that the scissors can do at this point. I can't, through my editing, magically visually transport people into the room. Now, let everyone know at home, Tommy's not crying at the moment. That wasn't an attack.

I'm merely trying to observe what happened in the room. Yeah. It's, yeah, I don't know. You know, it's always that thing where when something happens in the room and it's not completely obvious audibly, I try and do that thing of like saying out loud what's going on. So hopefully everyone's not too annoyed in case you can hear Paul Foot yelling in the room without a microphone on. obviously audibly yeah i try and do that thing of like saying out loud what's going on so hopefully everyone's not too annoyed in case you can hear paul foot yelling in the room without a microphone

on and then i'm repeating what he's saying so but the people at home could figure out what the fuck is going on yeah oh that would be great if you're trying to be helpful is actually more annoying because people can hear him perfectly through the audience exactly people listening going we get it cunt yeah what if that would be great it's it's like people, the audience are back on board with Paul Foot after this episode, but now they just hate you. They just think that we've recorded that episode in a canyon and there's this weird echo. Yes. Where it's like, is this an Australian canyon?

Because we can hear Paul Foot and then the echo sounds Australian? Yes. Very weird. Yeah. People now are furious at you going, I'm glad he's sick, actually. Yeah. I hate this guy I'm doing I'm doing audio

subtitles yeah having not listened to it hopefully at all you know we've done our best between the two of us

to make it sound good for you at home and if nothing else it's a good ad for to come along to the live shows

because that was a fucking great live show. Like, yeah, the people that were there in the days afterwards were saying that was the best show I went to in the Comedy Festival. Oh, really? Yeah, I saw plenty of people say it was. Was it Comedy Festival judges that said that?

Plenty of people saying it was one of the best shows they'd ever seen. And I have to agree. I was in. Now, you won't be able to hear this. I was in tears at one point. Yes. I was fucking crying laughing. I did hear that report from a couple of people.

They really enjoyed just seeing how much fun we were having. Yeah. We were like in hysterics. At one point I was like, there's basically no reason for me to be here anymore. Right. This is just off the rails. Yeah. But I'm now just going to consider myself lucky that I have the best seat in the house

for this incredibly good show. Yes. I just get to sit here and watch a great piece of comedy happen. And I'll be very interested to see on the socials or whatever if this has, in my opinion, it will have won anyone over that didn't like Paul Foot on the previous episode years ago. Yes. But I also do know that there are going to be people, if this translates wrong on audio for people at home,

that are just going to hate him even more. Yes. But he was fucking great. And like I say in the recording, someone texted me mid-show to go, I'm walking out of this. Yeah, right. Amazing.

Like you said, best live show. What more can you do? Yeah. Amazing. walking out of this yeah right amazing like like you said you know best live show what can you do yeah yeah amazing but especially when you're in the midst of doing a solo show or doing you know doing a month of shows at the festival where you're getting up and saying you know basically the same stuff every night you tend to get a bit bored of your material most comedians do like by the end they're like sick of saying the exact same thing and then you're in a position where it's like this completely off the rails insane thing is And then you're in a position where it's like this completely off the rails, insane thing is happening that you couldn't script, you couldn't write. And it's like, okay, this is so much funnier than anything else

that I'm cooking up in my solo show. This is like a true once in a lifetime, just in the room thing. A real gift. A real roller coaster. Yeah. And especially we enjoy that more because you get a bit jaded listening to the same sort of normal stand-up. We know all the tropes.

We know the tricks. Totally. We're the people that when a dog runs into the room, we're like, fucking great, awesome, something different. Exactly. And when someone's in front of you pretending to be a snake eating one of the other guests. Yes. I mean, that's good shit.

Yep. Very, very fun episode. So, yeah. He's back. Huge redemption as far as we're concerned. And also, not to... Well, yeah. I mean, not redemption in terms of our eyes because we loved him on the previous episode.

Yeah, we liked it already. Yeah. But certainly, when you think of all the talking points that this podcast has brought up to people who listen regularly, like we said, that Paul Foot thing gets brought up nearly every day in some way or another, in some sort of... Online, someone making a joke, if we say, oh, fucking that wasn't very good, oh, what, like the Paul Foot episode?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That gets brought up nearly every day. So that might be a full stop at the end of that that debate i think so that'd be like going to adelaide and it's selling out a week after we put it on sale yes we wouldn't be able to do that it's done do that anymore for sure yeah i mean and it did i mean it does feel like redemption even before putting it out in the sense that that last one we did was just a studio one so then it just went out and then it's like all we've heard plenty of people do like it but all we've heard is that other feedback to then be having that to have him on in a room full of those

fans some of whom would have been the same ones that didn't like it previously and it killing yes it's like okay well this is the people have spoken also a little detail I forgot about was when you hear us introduce him to the stage and it takes quite a while for him to get to the stage, but initially when you say, welcome to the stage, Paul Foot, there's a very muted response because people are, I think, either shocked or, as someone told me afterwards...

They think it's a bit. Yeah, they thought it was a bit. They thought it was someone, like it was going to be a character. For sure. It was going to be someone dressed up. I don't blame them. I would have thought that. I didn't think that at the time.

I was literally there going, why isn't this getting a good response? Yeah, no, I thought that. I thought it'll be that response. People will just be like, oh, yeah, here we go. Here comes Ben Russell. And then he'll actually come out and then there'll be that second wave of people actually going like, oh, fuck. Yes. But legitimately, it does take him fucking ages to get to the stage because he's at the back of the room.

Also, I mean, at home, you know he's going to be on. But we did a bit of subterfuge because we don't really know Paul. So I had to ring him before the gig on his overseas number to just say, just quickly say, by the way, this is what's going to happen. You're going to come on and you're a real sticking point in this podcast. Yeah. And this has been sort of the response. So as long as you're cool with that, and we'll probably make a bit of fun of that and talk about it

and that sort of thing. And he was sort of like, okay. Yeah. But then I was like, if you can just come really late and sort of hide. Yeah. Because, you know, usually if, say, Will Anderson's on in a live show, he'll just come in and start having a beer and everyone will see him and then you go, welcome to the stage, Will Anderson,

and everyone goes, yeah. Oh, but it's the same with everyone, just that venue. There's no backstage or anything for people that have never been to the shows there. Yes. So it is very obvious who is going to be on the pod. Yes. It is fun, though, sometimes other comics come down to hang out and you can see people in the room go oh here we go deals on izzy yes get fucked everyone yeah yeah exactly yeah there was a bit of that we gotta start doing that more we gotta start inviting more

people more decoys other people to just come down and hang out before the pod great to throw people off the scent we'll get hamish blake just to come down and hang out every time. We do it just to throw him off. And then it's like, ah, suck it. It's not him. It's fucking Peter Jones. Oh, wow. What a fucking bait and switch that was. Poor Jonesy.

That's not a negative on Peter Jones. I just named what you said. Because I'm naming him, you're saying that's a negative just by bringing up him. I think not being as famous as Hamish Blake is a bit of a negative. Well, that's a negative on everyone. He's, I think, one of the most – there wouldn't be many more famous people in Australia than Hamish Blake, surely. No, yeah. And also, that's pretty amazing.

We've just spent all this time talking about not him. I know. That's what I keep trying to get to, not to skimp over the efforts of Hamish. Like, yeah, so there was no grand design here. It was just asking both of them to do it, and that was the date that they could do it, which then we looked at and went, this is actually perfect. Like, that's the guy that you want helping control the fucking chaos of.

Well, yeah, look, to be fair, a bit of admin, but that's the date Hamish could do it. I think I nudged Paul towards that. Oh, okay. Yeah. I thought that would be very good. So you're welcome, everyone. I made that happen, sort of.

Yeah. I directed that. Yeah. You know, movies don't just happen. Someone's got to direct it. Yeah. The actors go out there and do their parts, but someone's got to be the puppet master,

you know, and so you're welcome. That's true. the bit of like hamish blake already being there in that day that's the script that's been written yeah and you're the director you can't fuck with that too much yeah but you can sort of you can dictate some stuff around it the flourishes yeah yeah like you know steven spielberg directing et you know it's great if someone else had walked in um you know if brett blake had walked in, you know, if Brett Blake had walked in and directed that, different movie. I would say not as good.

I agree with that. So I'm saying that I'm the Steven Spielberg of podcasting. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Right. Any arguments against that?

Oh, it's just, it's, no, it's just strange to hear you be more modest than usual. And this episode was my Schindler's List. And also, yeah, salute to Cameron James getting in the mix like a real champ.

Was he in that? Yeah. Would you say he's the Michael Hing of this episode? No, no way. He was in the mix plenty. Oh, that's a diss on Michael Hing. How dare you? Huh?

That's a diss on Michael Hing for his previous efforts. Yeah know oh okay great um so we're clear yeah him getting eaten him pretending to be eaten by paul foot as a snake was very funny fuck we've got to find there's there's a picture somewhere i don't think i have a copy of it there's a picture somewhere of him cowering from paul foot and it's a fucking great picture because he looks genuinely terrified we should maybe try and have like a little sub picture because he looks genuinely terrified. We should maybe try and have like a little sub page set up on the site or something where we collate all the like

YouTube, Instagram videos and stuff that people took of this app. Have some little visual guides if people would like them. Well, if you'd like to do that, absolute power to you.

Didn't say I'd like to do it. I feel like we have enough fucking work to do but um happy happy for it to magically happen yeah okay sure sure um great ep very great of you if it did magically happen without either of us doing anything no no i wasn't happy for this to magically happen i i wouldn't be fighting the magic i wouldn't be i wouldn't be deriding it as witchcraft and and trying to get it burned at the stake or anything like that i'd be like so those broomsticks marching around with the big buckets of water yep you're there like i'm I wouldn't be deriding it as witchcraft and trying to get it burned at the stake or anything like that. I'd be like, happy.

So those broomsticks marching around with the big buckets of water, you're there like, I'm loving this. Happy to let this happen. Anyone fucking running headfirst into fucking platform three and a quarter or whatever the fuck that shit is. Which we saw the other day. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, look, we are overseas. We're in Belgrade right now. Right. But we'll get to that later on down the track.

Yeah, we're not going to burn any of that stuff. But let's just say, if you're coming to these shows that we're doing in London this weekend, fucking heaps of content going on already. Yes, yes. But we were in London and is that – so in the movie, I haven't seen the movies. That platform, whatever it is, 12 and a half or whatever the fuck it is, is that at a London, what London station is that in the movie? Yeah, I don't actually know.

Well, it must be King's Cross, right? Because that's where we saw the- That's where we were. Yeah, that's the station we were at and we saw the thing where people were all lining up to get a photo op with it. So it must be, I mean, yeah yeah i would assume it's there based on that if people were just lining up there to have a fucking photo of it it's not even the actual station well i say actual station it's you know it's a it's fiction anyway but yeah i look people are going to be going fucking crazy and yelling at the podcast uh so i better look it up i dare

say off the back of this they've got bigger fish to fry. Yeah, yeah, sure. Maybe we should deliberately put something wrong and fucked in this bit so it distracts people, and if they don't like the Paul Foote stuff, we don't have to hear about it. So, yes, it is that. It's King's Cross? Yep, King's Cross Station, which is where we were waiting for a train,

waiting for the wrong thing the other day, and we had to run away from it and run to another station. Anyway. All right. Doing a good impression of two people who've run headfirst into a brick wall. Yes. Very salient point. Thank you.

Yes. One of you more salient. Man, I fucking, I love when I'm accidentally salient. Yeah. A lot of saliency. It's a good feeling. It's rare, but it feels good. It's, well, look, it's great praise from me because there's a lot of saliency. It's a good feeling. It's rare, but it feels good.

Well, look, it's great praise from me because a lot of time when you're saying something and I'll go, a bit unsalient there, Tommy. I wish this cunt could start being a bit more salient. Yeah, but today, fucking nailed it, mate. I might chuck it in an online dating profile. I've got a tendency towards being quite salient and see what kind of results that gets me. That would get you on a lot of people's radar. I think so. Yeah.

That's what, I mean, look, I've been with my partner for a long time now. But before that, that's sort of, people would say, what are you into? Blondes? Brunettes? I'd be like, salience. Salience. Yeah. And yeah, I had a bit of a, I don't think it's a fetish.

I think that's just a thing, a normal thing to be attracted to. And would you say your wife is salient? Oh, gee, that's a good question. So, no. That's a good question. Look, you can't, you had to find someone 100% salient. I mean, maybe my first impression, she was quite salient. Straight off the mark.

Yeah. So that's what drew me in. Right. But of course, then you get together and you spend a lot of time with them and it's not going to be day in, day out. Yeah. You know, we all have bad gigs. Well, yeah.

And it's like, you know, start a relationship, sex is great. And then, you know, as it goes along, it can't get better. Right. The points get less salient yeah so look our relationship is less salient than it was right at the start when it was just red hot saliency but you know that life is a rich tapestry and you know things ebb and flow yeah you might hit a point in the next couple of years where all of a sudden yeah because you're saying the sex only gets worse over time i i don't i think i disagree with that like i think you do in a long-term

relationship you do have you do go through patches where it swings up again so maybe the same thing will happen with the salience right two years time you'll just be like i cannot believe like we're making points that are more salient than any we've ever done before yeah yeah right do a bit of role play yeah yeah yeah yeah right go to a hotel and pretend you don't know each other. Well, maybe we should go to a saliency counsellor. Yeah, right, right. Yeah. Alright, I think

that's the end of that. Let's get into this. That was a pretty, for how fucked we both are at the moment, that was a pretty good, that was a pretty hot streak. I was very into it.

I'd listen to that. I mean, obviously I didn't hear a thing you said then, but I assume, again, like you said, No, but didn't we establish earlier that this then, but I assume, again, like you said... No, but didn't we establish earlier that this is one that you are actually listening to as you do it?

I stopped listening. Oh, right. You put the earmuffs back on. Yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. I didn't see that. Because I tend to not watch this podcast. What?

Anyway, so... So... Let's get into this. Yep. We are a little bit worse for wear, but I think we're holding up okay. I hope you're not... I hope you're, at the very least, not turned off by my voice. It's sounding a bit shithouse.

Unless you... It's gone a bit Lauren Bacall, and you find it even more attractive. I don't think there's anyone on earth who doesn't sound better with a bit of timber. Oh, really? A bit of croakiness in the throat. A bit of mucus. Yeah. Yeah.

A bit of hot spit. All right. Well, I hope you're – well, as we said, we're in Serbia right now, and it feels like it's the one place I think I've ever been where I don't feel bad about just hocking up a big hot loogie on the ground. So I feel like I'm, you know. Save all this. Save it.

Yeah, I'll save that for the Serbian show where they'll really respect that. Hey guys, you got a good ground to spit on here. Oh yeah, so by the time you hear this, we will have, by the time people hear this, we will have done the show in Belgrade. So this could function as our last will and testament as well. This might be the last known recording of us. Also, I think people think that we're going to release that as a regular episode in Belgrade. No chance.

No. No chance. We'll be trying to salvage it for a bit for Patreon. Yeah, that's it. Even it being good enough for Patreon, we're on the fence about. I think it will be. Yeah, there'll be enough. We'll see. That's it. Even it being good enough for Patreon, we're on the fence about. I think it will be. Yeah, there'll be enough. We'll see.

That's the aim. So if you want to subscribe to Patreon right now at the moment, that's what will come up next month, as in the next couple of weeks. Yes. So get onto that and you'll be able to hear all about Serbia. Yep. And I mean, potentially could rival this episode as an editing job for the big man. Yes.

All right. Pointing the scissors. Yes. Let's get into a bit of the Patreon. Thank you to everyone who subscribes and supports us over that. You can chip in whatever amount you would like if you enjoy the podcast. For $5 a month, you get a little magazine in your email. Every month for $10 a month, you get the podcast. For $5 a month you get a little magazine in your email. Every month for $10 a month you get

the aforementioned bonus episode and part of both of those things is that you also get your name read out and immortalized on the back end of your favorite podcast. This week being done by two men who are especially worse for wear. Look, if your name's coming up in this one

then sorry I guess. No, we've been good. We've been good so far. We have been good. But I feel like we maybe used up all our best gear with that saliency stuff. Right. That was good shit. Okay.

All right. Well, you're inspiring me to really lift a level now. That's a once in a generation riff. This is... I feel like you're some sort of master coach now. Because you're saying that, that's really motivated me. So thank you for that. Right.

I'm really going to fucking turn on the boosters now. there's a sick boy out there who really needs you to do well today and the sick boy is you yeah you know because people say you know um if you're sick pardon me fucking hell sorry um this is a bit he's doing by the way folks he's not sick at all yep this is my poor foot this is good acting yep um people say like in entertainment there is a bit he's doing, by the way, folks. He's not sick at all. Yeah. This is my poor foot. This is good acting. Yeah. People say, like, in entertainment, there's a bit of, what do they call it, like Dr. Showbiz, where you are a bit crook, and then you walk, because when you walk on stage, there's a

lot of adrenaline going through you, and all of a sudden, it sort of acts as some sort of paracetamol, and fixes you up for an hour. Yeah. I've had shows where I've had very severe food poisoning and thought, I have to cancel tonight. I'm not going to be able to go an hour without fucking spewing. You had shows as a child when you had cancer and you got up there and you were actually all good.

Yeah. So my parents were – my mum's a stage mum, so she forced me into the spotlight. But doing it while I had cancer I think was a little bit callous. But you did feel better for an hour up there. That's true. That's how it got cured. Oh, really?

I just booked a gig. You just did like a 24-hour gig until that Dr. Showbiz just got rid of every bit. It was like an extremely thorough radiation sort of therapy. To be up on that stage for so long, it actually drove it all out of you. It's a good theory what you've come up with but the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. Oh, really? What actually happened was that the doctor said,

you've got half an hour. And I went, what? You've got half an hour left to live. Really? Wow. If I do a gig right now so that I'm on stage

when that time frame elapses, the adrenaline of doing the gig will just carry me through that. And then came off stage The doctor was standing there Death was standing there And they were like You've absolutely bested us here Wow

A lot of people don't know that That adrenaline can cure cancer Yeah A lot of people don't know that But It's weird that it never gets talked about Because it's like It's like

It just makes it so easy to overcome. Fucking hell, that's going to really offend some people. That's going to really upset people, I reckon. It's weird that a lot of people suffering from cancer don't just try and play a game of sport and, you know, cure it like that. Anyway. There probably are plenty of people listening who've lost people who are not enjoying hearing about this. But you're allowed to say because you had it. Yeah, of course I am.

I'm just not allowed to say it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, but I mean, I'm allowed to say it, but I don't think I'm allowed to joke in a broader sense about like, if you've died from cancer, it's just because you didn't play basketball. That is a funny idea, though. It's just because you didn't play basketball. That is a funny idea, though. It is pretty funny. Just to think that, you know, Michael Jordan was just, that's what he was doing the whole time.

Right. Just fighting it. So that clearly means if he hasn't beaten it that he's not getting enough adrenaline out there. Right. You know? Okay, these are all interesting theories. We do have something to do. Put them on the are all interesting theories. We do have something to do. Put them on the whiteboard.

Yes, we do have something to do after this, so let's get through it. This is going particularly long already. This working holiday, this business trip that we're on. Yes, we are at work. Like you said, thank you to everyone. Part of what we do is we read a couple of subscribers, a couple, a couple hundred, whatever it is. Yep.

Given that we're overseas at the moment, that might fuck with the... Oh, the conversion rate. Yes. Yeah. What's one Patreon name going for in this country at the moment? That's a very good question. Would you say that's another salient point? That is, Matt.

He's done it again. Our relationship is more salient than ever. We're in an upswing. All right, let's crack in. Okay. Fire up the unplanned title alternator that we dragged over to this country. What a pain that was to get through customs and explain in Serbia. Believe this or not, they didn't even know what an unplanned title alternator was.

They'd never heard of it. They'd never heard of it. And you have to think that it would fetch quite a hefty price on the black market in a country like this. So I've been keeping it in the safe, in the hotel room safe. Then forgot the combination. Wow. Had to get the...

What was the combination? 69. Right. Okay. And you forgot that? Yeah. Right. Okay.

What did you think it was? I thought it was like I had to lie on the ground and get the safe to lie on top of me upside down. Right. And then the safe sucks my dick while I lick its genitals. Right. I was overthinking it. I was on the right track. Yeah, right, right.

You had the concept right, but just not literally. Yeah, I mean, it's like, what is it? Is it Occam's razor? The simplest explanation is correct. Right. It's a bit of that. Or conversely, just the fucktest thing that you could possibly think of is probably not going to be correct.

It's probably wrong. Yeah. Having to perform oral sex on this inanimate object. Trying to suck off a metal box. It's probably not going to open the door. No. Yeah. I mean, if you suck on someone else, it might open something,

but not with just a grey metal box. Yeah. All right. Very nice. That's good. I'm glad we... Just kind of nodding my head along and then realise people can't hear that. Nodding your head is as good as crying, Tommy.

Just remember that. It's an old showbiz maxim. Right. Just like Dr. Showbiz. All right, let's crack in. Let's do it. God, I feel like I want to get out of this, but I don't particularly have anything to go to.

I mean, we do. Aren't we going to a shooting range after this? Are we actually doing that? I don't know. I hope we are. That was the rumor. That was a suggestion. I hope not.

I hope so. Fucking hell. All right, let's do... I'm hitting the big red button. Everything seems in working order. We had to get a PowerPoint adapter. Yes. That took a while.

Totally. But everything seems to be fine. All right. Let's try this thing out. And thank you to Patreon subscriber Fergus McKinnon. Fergus McKinnon? You couldn't get a more Scottish name than that, could you? I was about to say it sounds particularly Irish to me.

Oh, will you? That's a very good point, actually. Thinking back to some of our friends. Yeah, that's what we do here. Right. That's a funny trope. Yep. A funny trope.

There's nothing funnier than pretending someone's Scottish when they're Irish and vice versa. Yep. That's sort of like our couch gag on this pod. Oh, right. Yeah. It is a wonderful go-to. Just annoying people has always been a wonderful go-to. Just annoying people. It's always been a wonderful go-to for me.

Yeah. All throughout my life. Yeah. Fergus. But Fergus is a particularly Scottish name. Yeah. I don't mind the name Fergus, I have to say. It wouldn't be in the top 40 percentile for me.

Interesting. I have a friend called Fergus who's going to be in London top 40 percentile for me. Interesting. I have a friend called Fergus who's going to be in London at the same time we are. Oh. Who I might try and catch up with. Okay. Yeah. Very nice. Yeah.

Fergus, it just seems like there's something, you know what? What about the shortening? What about Ferg? Are you into that? Oh, I was going to say, what about Gus? I'd be more into Gus. Gus is good. Yeah, Gus is really good.

I think, you know what? You know what has been plaguing me about that name is it sounds like fungus, which I don't like. As in, okay, yeah, fair. Yeah, is that fair? That's fair. Do you like fungus? No.

Say you had some fungus on your toe right now. Would you like that? No, I wouldn't like that, but is, like a mushroom is kind of a type of fungus, isn't it? Yes. So, I mean, I don't really like mushrooms. So my answer remains the same. But do you like mushrooms? They're okay.

Nothing special. Okay, right. They're, you know what? Get fungus, get, well, yes, get mushroom on pizza. I'll do a bit of it. But when they really put it on thick, no need. Yeah, I agree. Not something, I don't need to be eating full mushrooms.

I don't think it's a great ingredient on a pizza. I think it adds nothing. I agree. It doesn't have much taste to it. Yeah, I agree. Not something... I don't need to be eating full mushrooms. I don't think it's a great ingredient on a pizza. I think it adds nothing. I agree. It doesn't have much taste to it. Yeah. Unless it's like a big... Those like really over-the-top vegetarian ones where it's like a big slab of like a grilled portobello or something.

Yeah. Maybe that's bringing something to the party. You and I had a slice of pizza last night. Just the one. Lady and the Tramp style. Yuck. That had just those little bits of shitty little mushrooms strewn across it.

Right. It's adding nothing. Get it off there. Yeah, I agree. It's the parsley of pizza. Oh, I mean, we've talked about parsley before. I don't want to get back into that again. Oh, I'm sorry.

I disagree. I disagree entirely with that. Oh, really? Yeah. I can't remember that. I think parsley's great. Again, another conversation I just flat out didn't listen to, I think. Oh, of course.

Right, right, right. He's going for a nose blow. Get it on, Mike. People want to hear that. Do they? I don't think they do. That would be the equivalent, the audio equivalent of hearing the word Fergus, in my opinion. Right.

The audio equivalent. Yes. Yeah. As opposed to... As the other audio thing. No, yeah, I like it. I like that. Yeah, any name where, like we were saying, it could be Ferg, it could be Gus.

You know, you've got options there. I think that's wonderful. Gus, I'm fine with Gus. I'll sign off with Gus. Gus. And then what was the surname again? McKinnon. McKinnon.

That's all right. It's okay. Don't mind that. Gus McKinnon's fine. Gus McKinnon. I like that. Sounds like a, I guess a cop, sort of? Gus McKinnon. That's all right. It's okay. Don't mind that. Gus McKinnon's fine. Gus McKinnon. I like that. Sounds like a, I guess a cop sort of? Gus McKinnon?

Sounds like a, look, if you were to say to me, would you take on Gus McKinnon? I would say no. Would you take on Gus McKinnon? Yeah. As in, would I fight him? Right. Whereas if you said, would you fight Fergus McKinnon? I'd fancy my chances a little bit more.

Oh, you just said, if you asked me that, I'd say no, and then I asked you that, and you said yeah. Again, I didn't listen. Fuck, I keep forgetting. Yeah. Because the earmuffs are right in front of me. I can see them. But for some reason, I just keep forgetting that they're on. I'm thinking they're ear microphones, and they're actually enhancing what you're saying, but they're not at all.

It's the opposite. Yes. It's the opposite. So I was just walking around the wonderful city of Belgrade. Oh, nice. What's the opposite yes it's the opposite so i was just walking around uh uh the city the wonderful city of belgrade oh no it's pretty cool um with a friend of mine who's here with us and we're walking down the street and he was like ah fuck that is so loud like that high-pitched sound is so loud that's really fucking annoying me and i couldn't hear it right it's like his ears could hear it and mine are so dulled and fucked right by by just years of being in at music venues and gigs and stuff with no

headphones or no earplugs in but um that that really rattled me that i'm at a point where there's frequencies that i cannot hear um has he got that thing where um you know only 15 year olds can hear and all that sort of stuff. You know what I mean? You know when people say that there's a frequency that once you're over the age of 15, you can't hear it anymore? Yeah, I think we talked about this a while ago. There's a video on YouTube that plays all the different frequencies at different ages and it's like, if you're this age, you should still be able to hear this now.

Right. I should have a crack at that, but I'm very scared as to where I would be with all of that. Oh, I did it and I had the hearing of a 50-year-old. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Mine's bad. have a crack at that but i'm very scared as to what i where i would be with all of that oh i did it and i had the hearing of like a 50 year old oh really yeah yeah mine's bad mine's really shot to shit i would imagine i would be the same but i will say walking around with him and him being in what looked like a fair amount of pain right from this high-pitched sound that was hurting his ears meanwhile i'm immune i'm loving it i'm having a beautiful day that's that's actually what i have i have that um hearing in that i can't hear you that's

part of that's part of it right i'm it's the frequency of my voice right right yeah so then why are you wearing the earmuffs just it's cold because you're like the brother there's something about mary it's cold in here I'm sitting next to an open window. Is it cold in here? Like genuinely? I'm really hot. No, it's okay. I'm just sitting directly next to a window and it's raining and it's cold outside.

Oh, okay. But yeah, these rooms are hot. Yeah. Yeah. But they've got an air con in them, which is more than I can say for some of the other comm. Oh, yeah. They do too.

Last night, I was like so hot, and I couldn't sleep. And then I just realized that you could open the window. Yeah, right. I didn't realize you could open these windows. Yeah, right. Thanks, Fergus. Thanks, Fergus. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Tanya Hart.

Oh, Tanya Hart. Wow. Love it. You know what? You know what that sounds like? No offense, Tanya Hart, but you sound like a penthouse pet of the month. She definitely does. Tanya offense, Tanya Hart, but you sound like a penthouse pet of the month. She definitely does. Tanya Hart.

Tanya Hart. That is a, sounds like a name designed to be sort of hot. It sounds like a name designed to have a Twitter handle that's at Tanya Hart XXX. Yes. I agree. I absolutely agree. So if you are a penthouse pet of the Month, that's great. I mean, I've always wondered if we had any Penthouse Pets subscribing,

and so hopefully this is the closest we've gotten. It's just so funny to me that parents can look at just their newborn child and give it that name, and then, I don't know how old this person is, but let's say a couple of decades later, just two men going, you sound like a fucking porn star. And it's your parents' fault. Yeah. Oh, look, that's a pretty harsh thing to say.

Just because they've called it, Tanya's hardly like Sapphire. Yeah, exactly. It's not a stripper name. You don't go into a strip club and hear Tanya. Exactly. It's not a stripper name. You don't go into a strip club and hit Tanya. But look, with Tanya Hart, it does sound from the adult entertainment industry, potentially.

Although, I will say, to be fair, I don't think it... You're right. It's not inherent in the name. This isn't a diss. I think it actually says more about us than it does about her. I agree. That it's like, oh, Greg Smith. Sounds like a fucking porno. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sounds like a fucking bloke doing a route on a fucking porno that I watch all the time. Maybe. Well, I mean, we're traveling. True. And we've been away from loved ones. Civilization. Yeah, stuff like that. I haven't really left much back there, but anyway.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe we're just unnecessarily horny at the moment. Right, right. I see what you're saying. And that's a completely normal name. And we're just unnecessarily horny at the moment. Right, right. I see what you're saying. And that's a completely normal name and we're just like, fucking hell. Just a girl's name. Fuck yes. Next name, Sand.

Oh, God, yes. Doris. Doris shit. Oh, my God. Is your dick as hard as mine, Tommy? Mrs. Grandma. Oh, naughty. Naughty. Oh, my God. Is your dick as hard as mine, Tommy? Mrs. Grandma. Oh, naughty. Oh, my God.

Christ. Good stuff, Tanya Hart. Good on you, Tanya. I hope you're having fun in the grotto. Yep. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Yep. I hope you're meeting all sorts of producers

and they're promising you great things in your career. Yep. I'm sure they'll promising you great things in your career. Yeah, I'm sure they'll all come true for you. Yep, they're pretty dependable types, those Hollywood producers. Yep, and send us some links when you can. Yes, totally. Because you're clearly a fan of our work.

We'd love to be a fan of yours. Exactly, and like we do with a lot of people, like with Dilruch and stuff, went on the Logies, gave us a shout-out. If you could give us a shout-out in a porno, it would be great. It would be great. Wow. I wonder If you could give us a shout out in a porno, it would be great. It would be great. I wonder if there's been a shout out in a porno before where just instead of the pool guy,

it's just someone on a bus listening to a podcast and then just a girl comes up and goes, what are you listening to, big boy? Oh, something called The Little Dum Dum Club? Really? Oh, well, how about you take those things out of your ears and you put something in my rear? That scenario or two characters that are podcasters in a three-way.

Right. And they're called Tommy and Carl. Oh, wow. If we have anyone that writes or produces adult entertainment that can sneak that Easter egg in. Well, finally, you know, when they have the porn parodies, finally they can make the little cum- club right yeah that would be pretty that would be fucking incredible to see the porno actors that they've gotten into play us that

would be great because you know they've got like the seinfeld porno and whatever and it's like kramer rooting elaine yeah all that sort of stuff it's just like does that mean we're going to end up rooting who like guests or fans of the show yeah because it has to be that like it's people that you know you're familiar with yes like it can't be parodies of guests because people watching that to try and jack off yeah wouldn't be as familiar with the listeners well i'd like to think that it's it's gay porn right oh it kind of yeah it sort of has to be yeah it sort of has to be yeah i think to think that it's gay porn. Right. Oh, it kind of... Yeah, it sort of has to be. Yeah, it sort of has to be.

Yeah, I think that would be... Unfortunately enough. Yes. Yes, I think. Really has to be. Yes. Sorry, everyone. Yeah, we insist.

Yeah. Just getting someone in to play Dilruch and it's just like some ripped black guy with a huge cock just fucking pummeling us. Yeah. I've got a fucking fit bed for you. Yeah, yeah. I'll fit this in you. And it's just some porn star that just has a prosthetic gut on him.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Dil fuck. Get my cock in you. Very nice. Yeah, I like it. Man, fuck. I can cock in you. Very nice. Yeah, I like it. Man, fuck. I can't.

This is one of the greatest ideas we've ever had. We've got to get casting on this thing. Oh, yeah. We get to have our own casting couch. Yeah. Let's get a script together. All right. Thanks.

Thanks, Tanya. Thanks, Tanya. What would Tanya play? Who would she play in Little Cum Cum Club XXX? She's on there as herself she's she's like simpson style gets to do the guest but it's but you know it's her fuck that's great yeah that's a great get to play yourself in a porno that's great uh is it gonzo is it is it one of those i love going on so vivid productions yeah yeah is it a glossy one like yeah or yeah i feel like i feel like it's got to be Gonzo.

Yeah. Or it's like us. What's that one where it's like that guy that runs an apartment building and he's just fucking all his tenants? Mike's apartment or something? I don't know. I think it's like from Brazil or whatever. Really? But so that's us.

We're in that building doing the podcast. Right. And then rent's a bit overdue. Guess what has to happen now? I'd like to be played by Peter North. Thank you. All right. Thanks, Tanya.

Thanks, Tanya. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Fran Miller Pezzo. There's a hyphen in the middle there. Pezzo. Yeah. Fran Miller Pezzo. P-E-Z-O. I like it.

Yeah. I like it a lot. There's nothing not to like. Fran. I'm like it. Yeah. I like it a lot. There's nothing not to like. Fran. I'm into Fran. Yeah, Fran I feel like is... Look, I'm not going to say it's making a comeback, but it's certainly making a comeback for me.

I agree. Yeah. You agree that it's making a comeback for me? No, I agree that it's making a comeback. Right. Mila Pezzo. Pezzo. It's good.

Yeah, it's good. It's a fun thing to say. There's not too much else to say about it other than I'm just a big fan. What a great meeting of the two families, finally, the Millers and the Pezzos. Yeah, right. So you're saying that's like the modern day if you met someone and the hyphenated surname was Montague Capulet. That's exactly what I was going to say.

Those two warring families, the Millers and the Pezzos, at it for generations. This is the modern day. Fran is the subject of her parents, the modern day Romeo and Juliet. Yeah. Except they didn't kill themselves. No.

Yeah. You forget about that, don't you? You go, oh, it's a real Romeo and Juliet story. And you go, no, this couple hasn't killed themselves yet. It's bad. Yeah. It's actually a bad thing. Yeah.

People go, oh, it's romantic, Romeo and Juliet. That's a story about suicide. Do people still say that, though? I think so. Yeah. You've heard that before. I've heard it before, but not for a long time. You haven't heard that for a while.

Right. What? Since the Globe Theatre. It's like people getting together now and being like, this is a real Romeo and Juliet. I think maybe it's in media rather than, you know. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

We're not hanging around talking about Romeo and Juliet, me and you. No. Or mates. No. No. But I think that's still a popular maxim. When was the last time you read any Shakespeare? Look, easy.

High school. Yeah. Does anyone glance at it after school? Unless, of course, they're in a production of it. No. No one's like picking it up to have a bit of it. Actually, no, I've got a couple. I do have a couple of friends who recreationally just dig out a bit of Shakespeare and have a read.

What a bunch of wankers. Yeah. No need for that. It's pretty nerdy. We've moved on from that. It's pretty shit. Yeah. It's fucking hard going.

Yeah, exactly. People don't even read books, let alone hard books these days. I always thought when I was in school, it's like, okay, this is really hard to read, but I guess this is because I'm a little kid and I'm just not smart enough or whatever. Yeah. But one day I'll be an adult and it'll all make sense. And then it's like, you go back to it now, it's like, no, this is fucked.

Yeah. This cunt doesn't know what he's on about. Yes, I agree. Thanks, Fran. Thanks, Fran. No thanks, Big Willie Shakespeare. Yep. No friend of the pod.

No, no. I went and saw her. I've seen a couple of productions of Shakespeare. Good on you. Thank you. That's all I was looking for, a little bit of affirmation. Just a bit of gloating there.

Yeah, yeah, just a little bit of... Someone gets off to the theatre. Yeah, I don't go to watch live cartoons. I go and see Shakespeare. Right. Yeah, live. What's live cartoons? You know, when you go and see a cartoon and it's live,

there's live cartoon characters on stage and they just film it to be a cartoon on TV. Oh, okay. I remember now. Yeah. I don't go and watch one of those Hanna-Barbera Scooby-Doo cartoons being filmed. Right. Yeah.

I go and see Shakespeare. I think the flu meds might be kicking in. Oh, again. Now that... Jesus Christ. What the fuck's that? Someone's ringing you on the hotel phone. Fuck, this could be an exclusive.

People are complaining about this Patreon feed, I believe. People are next door. Who's ringing Tommy Dasol on his hotel room? It's Nick Capper on the phone. Oh, God. Yeah. Hey, I'm just... Capper, I'm just in the middle of...

Hang on, let me see if I can put you on speaker. Fucking hell. Nick Capper's ringing our hotel. Is he here at the hotel? Yeah, I think he's at the front desk. Oh, God. All right. Yeah.

Hang on, we're just... What a scoop. Nick Capper, we're just... We're recording a pod. We're recording at the hotel? Yeah, I think he's at the front desk. Oh, God. Alright. What a scoop. Kappa, we're just... We're recording a pod. We're recording the ad for the pod. Oh, you're recording an ad. Okay, we'll meet you in the restaurant for a beer. Okay, we'll be like... How many more should we do? Uh, look, now that... We better do two more, I reckon. Okay. We'll just do two more names and then we'll meet you

at the restaurant in the hotel. Do you have your tuxedo on, Kappa? Do you have your tuxedo on, Kappa? Do you have your tuxedo on? Yeah, I do. Yeah, he's got it on. Great. All right. Yeah, I'll see you soon.

See you, mate. Wow. We've never had a caller on Talking Dundun before. It's amazing. He said something very funny to me when I picked up the phone that I wish I could repeat but

great not for public consumption again just as I don't listen to you I don't listen to Nick Capper when he rings in

so I don't hear any of that right alright thanks Fran thank you to Patreon subscriber Kayla McAuliffe Kay

McAuliffe Mc is no MC A U L I double F E McAuliffe McAuliffe yeah McAuliffe. No. M-C-A-U-L-I-F-F-E. McAuliffe? McAuliffe.

Yeah. McAuliffe. McAuliffe. Okay. Now, Kayla McAuliffe. Upper, absolute top tier in subscribers. Really? Yes.

Doesn't get any higher than her. Right. 50 bucks a month. Wow. Okay. I don't know if we should disclose that, but. Oh, okay. Well, you could. Why not? I don't know. Maybe she doesn't. You know, some people are weird month. Wow. Well, okay. We should disclose that, but... Oh, okay. Well, you could...

Why not? I don't know. Maybe she doesn't... Some people are weird with stuff about... But whatever. It's out there now. She's doing well. Good on you.

So how long has she been doing this for? 69 months? No. A while. A while. Yeah. I don't have the stats in front of me, but very good. I sent her a t-shirt the other day, actually.

One of those, because when you get in the upper tiers of all that sort of stuff, we put that on ages ago. Oh, you can get a free T-shirt. It was sent out to you. And she's never chased it up, so I had to chase her up and go, oh, you need this T-shirt. Yeah, right. She's like, okay, cool.

Yeah, whatever. Good on her. You know, a couple of months later, I'm like, I haven't seen that T-shirt yet. And she's like, yeah, cool, no worries. And then I sent her another one a month later'm like, I haven't seen that T-shirt yet. And she's like, yeah, cool, no worries. And then I sent her another one a month later. Yeah, I haven't seen you that. So I finally did it after about six months of emails going, sorry about this. I haven't sent it to you yet, but I'll send it to you now.

And similarly, has she arced up and complained about not having been read out yet? In no way. Fantastic stuff. Absolutely. Cannot knock Taylor in any way. Yeah, that's almost either in any way yeah that's almost more of a gift than the money yes just being able to fucking keep it to yourself and not pipe up on social media oh look she not only is she an absolute minted customer yeah she then i promised her a t-shirt doesn't arc up when i don't deliver it for six months then doesn't get

on the socials and say oh oh, that episode was fucking whatever. Or a picture of you two, oh, you look like fucking idiots. Yep. Doesn't do any of these things. Yep. Just keeps her trap shut. Good on her. Keeps chucking that money, treating us like little sponsored children.

Yep. And enjoys the show quietly. She might be the ideal, she's the model listener. You know what? People say when they made her, they broke the mould. I hope they haven't broken the mould of Kayla McAuliffe. Right. Because we need more.

We need more. We should put a little guide on our website into how to be a listener who's like fucking just normal and not a cunt. Yes. And it's just a picture of Kayla. Like, you know, science teachers have like a skeleton in their classroom. We should just have like a big picture of Kayla there going, this is not the human body, but this is the podcast listener.

So we're actually – Be like this. We're flipping the relationship. We're looking up to her. Yes. Yeah. I feel like we should subscribe to her Patreon. Yeah, definitely.

I'm such a fan. It's great stuff. Well, thanks, Kayla. to her Patreon. Yeah, definitely. I'm such a fan. It's great stuff. Well, thanks, Kayla.

Again, I assume she'll be okay with this because she's okay with everything else, but you're just a genuine good person. You're doing the right thing. So therefore, there's nothing... Nothing to report it. We don't have to abuse your name. We don't have to segue into talking about our masturbation preferences and habits.

Oh, I mean, we could. We could. I mean, she pays enough for us to do whatever she wants. Yeah. But look, a lot of our riffing can be on a negative sense. There's nothing funny about positiveness in a lot of ways. Like if you find someone perfect, there's not a lot of humour in going, how good is this person?

Yes. Yeah. So, look, I hope that's okay. I hope she's... Job done. I hope she's more happy with adultation than comedy with this little tribute. Adultation.

Yeah. Is that... Isn't it adulation? Adulation, you're right. Adulation. Yeah. Adultation. I hope she's happy with being an adult. Yeah. Is that... Isn't it adulation? Adulation, you're right. Adulation. Yeah. Adultation. I hope she's happy with being an adult.

Yes. Well, that's the process of turning 18. Right. Adultation. Yes. At the stroke of midnight on your birthday, adultation happens. Well, yeah, thanks, Kayla. Thanks, Kayla.

Thank you for... Also, I don't mind Kayla as a name. Yeah, it's good. I'm into it. Unless it's abbreviated to K. K-A-Y. Don't like that, that much. Yes, I don't mind Kayla as a name. Yeah, it's good. I'm into it. Unless it's abbreviated to K, K-A-Y. Don't like that, that much. Yes, I agree. Yep.

All right, look, as we've said, we're running out of time. Nick Kappa, I think at the moment, is in the restaurant of our hotel. Yeah. And I can feel the patrons being put off their food already. So we can't be sitting here and letting him absolutely make people sick. Monty Python meaning of lifestyle and just spewing in the restaurant. And for, I mean, obviously we will talk about it a lot more at a later date. But that phone call, that was him arriving to meet us after his three-day journey from Australia.

Yes. So we haven't seen him yet. Yes. In Belgrade. So he just got here. Yes. So we'd better get down and, I mean, I won't be hugging him. I don't want to get fucking too close.

No. Yeah. He's been driving for three days and then we've just gone, no, you can wait down there for a bit longer. Yeah. We're doing our pretend radio show. To be fair, we're doing a job that has been responsible for paying him a lot of money to get here. He's getting an absolutely free trip.

And look, I cannot wait to talk further about not only his adventures, but the decision-making he's done. Because he is... Let's keep it all in the tank. Yes, for sure. But he is our K let's keep let's keep it all in the tank yes for sure but he is our kramer yes yes 100 in in terms of he just did a set in in la and use the n word a lot right yes yeah um all right let's just do one more be strictly because of this reason yeah otherwise we obviously do we were we were actually battling through the illness we could have done heaps more yeah or we could have done heaps less yeah but because Kappa's there we have to

stop it right now yeah I was thinking about going back in time and only doing one right but instead let's just do one more now

yeah let's just get it okay let's just get this done with and get out of here alright so for the final one this week the fifth one this

week thank you to Patreon subscribe okay what is it written in Serbian or something The fifth one this week. Thank you to Patreon subscribe. Okay. What? Is it written in Serbian or something? No, no, no, no, no.

This just... Right. I just... Funnily enough, it just sort of connects up with something we were talking about earlier. Oh, that is funny. Yeah. I love it when something like that... Strange coincidence, yeah. ...comes together.

Because sometimes it can be hard to sort of finish this bit of the show. But when things just link up like this this is quite a nice little full circle. Well like the aforementioned Seinfeld you know you want

the big thing at the end that kind of links all the threads together and sometimes we're up here swimming sometimes it's rare that it ever happens

where it just conveniently relates back and then we can go great it's all wrapped up in a neat little bow see you next week. It's just fallen

in our lap like this just an absolute happy accident. Yeah so It's all wrapped up in a neat little bow. See you next week. It's just fallen in our lap like this. Yeah. Just an absolute happy accident. Yeah. So this might be the first time this has ever happened as far as I can remember. Again, I don't listen to any of it. Someone's knocking on my fucking door now.

God. Fuck. Just when I was about to do the final one. But anyway, all right. Now we've got to, I wonder who this could be. We've had a phone call from Nick Capa. I wonder who could be at the door. Oh, it's actually not

Nick Capper it's house cleaning could you get house cleaning to actually clean Nick Capper as a person instead of this room no

okay alright so Tommy Tommy you're back yeah I just she was giving me trying to give me some fresh towels

right and I said no sorry I'm doing a podcast right makes sense she'd get that all the time in Serbia. Okay. Yep.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber, final one this week. Yep. Oh, right, yep, yep. Yep. What's the name? Thank you to Big Dick Comedy. Right. Yeah.

Right. So, I mean, that's amazing. Like, that person could be in our little cum-cum club. I've just looked them up online and their Twitter handle is at BigDickComedyXXX. Oh, right. Just to make it super clear. Yes. Right.

To differentiate it from the cookie company called Big Dick Comedy. Right. They just make chocolate chip and that sort of stuff. Wow, they do that. Yeah. Big Dick Comedy is a famous cookie brand. They're like Arnott's you don't remember the ads from growing up no what was the jingle um um yes go on get a big dick up yeah eat this

chocolate chip put it down your mouth it's a big dick in your mouth comedy right remember to be honest now i'm starting to remember right right yeah yeah you've that's um it's a real earworm it's a real earworm yeah yeah yeah wow that's um that's that's an amazing coincidence it's amazing coincidence isn't it that's great it's funny all these like little things that happen out in the world that you just, sometimes you just have to throw your hands up in the air and go, God, it's a strange old life, isn't it? It is strange.

Well, that's great. Hopefully, Big Dig Comedy, you can be part of the little come-come club, XXX, that, you know, just moments ago talking about casting. Yeah. Someone is very,

I mean, this is like discovering, you know, Marilyn Monroe in the drugstore. You know what I mean? This is discovering someone within a Patreon read. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Wow. We got to get big dick comedy onto the casting couch.

Yes. Yeah. Absolutely great stuff. I love this and I love my job. I love travel. They say travel really broadens the mind. I think this has proven that it doesn't. I think sometimes your mind can get shrunk by travel.

Yeah, well, I think travel broadens the mind, but I think alcohol poisoning shrinks it. So I think that's what's happened here. That's what's happened. Yeah. Okay, I get it. Thanks for listening, everyone. I hope you enjoyed the ep.

We certainly had a great time. We will see you next week. We'll see you this week. We'll see you this weekend in London if you are in fair old London town. We've got a big

weekend of shows, some great guests lined up. It's going to be super fun. Next week on the show you'll hear the final Melbourne

Live podcast and again it is an absolute doozy. A ripper. Guys thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you mates.