The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 449 - Nina Oyama & Dan Rath

Episode Date: May 14, 2019

Two first-timers this week as we welcome NINA OYAMA and DAN RATH on to the show! We do our best to piss off ant-vaxxers and the protestors outside Tommy's apartment, we hear about strange foods being eaten in comedy shows and Nina lets us choose from her list of messed up stories. PLUS in Talking Dum Dum, we pitch a new television show!Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up:KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16. SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm. For tickets, merchandise, links to our Patreon and heaps of other stuff, head to our website: littledumdumclub.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with first-time guests Dan Rath and Nina Oyama. We have a heap of live shows coming up all across the globe. We have Thailand, the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, June 11 until 16. It's five days of podcasting on the beach, in the sun. It's us and do go on. We also have a huge live show coming up in Sydney, July the 27th at the Giant Dwarf. Tickets selling really fast to that.

Come check it out. Carl, are you excited about all this? Yes. Great. littledumbdumbclub.com for all the tickets and information you need. We'll see you back here at the end of the episode for another edition of Talking Dumb Dumb. Enjoy this episode with special first-time guests, Dan Rath and Nina Oyama. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. We're doing it live from a hotel room. Man. Good stuff. Just burning your Patreon dollars right now. We're in a hotel room in Melbourne that I've paid for.

Yep. I live in Melbourne. Yeah. What an eccentric millionaire I must be. What alias did you check in here under so that the fans can't find you? Mr. Bum. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like Keith Richards' alias. Right. That's how I ended up in here. I was actually looking for Mr. Bum. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Just like Keith Richards' alias. Right. That's how I ended up in here. I was actually looking for Mr. Bum. Right. And it's just this bizarre coincidence. The actual Mr. Bum.

Yeah, yeah. Right. Sorry to disappoint you. It's only your best friend from the podcast, Carl. Yeah, exactly. Carl Bum. We have two first-timers on the show today. Oh, my God.

We've got to hold the hands of two guests. Exactly. We try and bed one in, but we've got two actual virgins. Yeah. Not just podcast-wise. Both of them in Melbourne for the International Comedy Festival and got nominated for the Best Newcomer Award.

Oh, did you both get nominated? Yeah. Oh, right. Which they both lost, and I think that's what made us sit up and take notice. These guys will fit right in here. Kindred spirits. Please welcome Nina Oyama and Dan Rack.

Yes. Wow, thank you. What's up? Thank you very much. Sorry for bringing up the big devastating loss, but at least you're in it together. At least it's not an awkward thing where one of you beat the other one. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You've got to act happy and difficult. You're both lost. Nice one. We've never won anything. We've won jack shit between us. You've got to act happy and difficult. You both lost. Nice one. We've never won anything. We've won jack shit between us. You've won jack shit. Well done.

And you still get to do this podcast for free, even though you didn't win. What a fucking prize. Honestly, it's the biggest honour that I ever could have imagined. That's actually why I wanted to fail at comedy, is to get on this podcast. Just to have somewhere to fall from, you know? Yeah, you don't want to be too successful.

It's alienating for us. We're not interested. Keeps you humble, man. Yeah, yeah. It's not the friends you make up on the way up. It's the friends you make on the way down. And you'll make friends with us many times over doing that. Oh, mate, I'm enjoying the spiral.

This pod is the participation award of show business. It's just like, mate, you barely finished the race, but here you go. Here's a little certificate. Two best club men. Yeah. I still frame it. I'm proud. Yeah. It's in my mum's bedroom. You keep your awards in your mum's bedroom? Yeah. My mum was

always like, I'm going to frame your awards, and then she takes them and I never see them again. So I can only assume one thing. They're in her bedroom. What's the best thing you've ever won? What have you won? Oh, no. Graduation certificate for a theatre degree.

Wow. I guess that's a cell phone and not an achievement. Yeah. You know, for a theatre certificate, have you ever had to go to an audition and they go, where are your qualifications? And you've had to pull out the certificate. Literally never in my life. Has anyone ever used a qualification?

That's my theory. What? You never need to use a qualification. So you think that's true of every degree? Even a law degree? Yes. Okay. Well, you don't rock up to an interview and go,

here you go, there it is, there's the stamp, there's the frame. You don't do that. And do you know this from personal experience? From when you interviewed at law firms? I have, well, I don't know. Rathi? You seem like a lawyer type. A lawyer type?

No, I can't. I do have a degree, but in... In what? In science. Right. Right. So did you ever have to turn up to a laboratory with your framed degree? When you put your dick in the Hadron Collider

Did they ask for certification It wouldn't fit Even though it's a micropenis Too small But no I never I just worked in a lab for a bit But it was at the university

Were you the test subject That explains a lot man yeah yeah yeah you got vaccinated too much my dad has a vaccine in the fridge but yeah um that he keeps talking about antidote yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's i think it's called gardasil but um yeah that's that's out there i guess just for science fans because it's fucking over our heads yeah what's gardasil i don't know it's um i just know jokes for's got us all? I don't know. It's um... No jokes for literally no one. Well, I know that my dad wants to vaccinate me

with it. Oh, really? Yeah, he's obsessed with... He wants to do a late term vaccination. A late term? I said it's too late. I've already been vaccinated. I don't know if I can get pushed further along the spectrum. When is it too late to vaccinate someone? Is there a time frame on vaccination?

Well, but you can get, you get like flu shots and stuff. Yeah, that's vaccination. What's the one that people are freaking out about? Like the one that people get all anti-vax about? It's literally every vaccination. They're like, they give them autism. Just needles. So even if you're going to like parts of Asia where you'd need one,

the anti-vax is like even that as an adult, you shouldn't have it. You might contract autism at the age of 35. Exactly. That's my question. Do anti-vaxxers think that a seven-year-old can get a needle in them and then become autistic at the age of 71? Some of them do, I think. I think it's an immediate response. Yeah, it's an immediate

early onset. It's like a superpower. Shazam. Just like, pow, autism. I'd love to see like a superpower like Shazam just like pow autism I'd love to see a 70 year old dumb fuck and then get a needle

and then at 71 he's down at the casino counting cards I'd love that yeah your nan gets the flu shot and then all of a sudden she's just obsessed

with counting things rain nan yeah rain nan but yeah that is it so like anti-vaxxers think that the vaccine kind of essentially is like Popeye with spinach. It's just once you cop it, then you get the powers.

Right. Yeah. It's vampires, but through needles. It's like radioactive, like Spider-Man, but Rain Man. Yeah. I'm surprised more people. Yeah, got bitten by a needle. Now he had butts, mirrors.

Yeah. If I was like an anti-vaxxer, I would totally vaccinate my children so that they would get autism and be good at counting cards and make money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually an investment. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's certain elements of positivity. Can I say that?

Is this a bad? No, no, no, that's fine. Am I going to get cancelled? I'm loving this chat. And you've been bringing up autism a lot on the pod lately, Carl. And it's like such a dangerous game to play with podcast listeners. It really is. I really think we're flying pretty close to the sun on this one.

I'm happy to partake in it, but I'm just... I actually don't know anything about autism, so I just want to flag that. Basically, anti-vaxxers are very good at being online. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like like they're good at that mob kind of thing and they will contact they'll get in touch with you anti-vax oh you think that i'm worried that we're going to hear from autism people oh you might hear from autism people to use their to use their actual title i'm not worried about copying is that on their qualifications is that that on their certificates? I'm an autism people.

Autism. I passed the test. Sounds like a band. I'm officially an autism person. It's the follow-up of the village people. Yeah, yeah. Is it like, you know, like a person of colour? I'm a person of autism. Yeah, maybe it's something like that.

Yeah. BOA. I'm not worried about getting flack from the anti-vaxxers. I'm fine with that. Bring it on. That'd be great. Yeah, that's great because you can go as hard as you want at them because they're just cunts.

But it's the people that are autistic that you're a bit like, you've got no defence. You've got absolutely no defence. I've got this wrong with me and you were laughing about it. Yeah, but sorry. Yeah, it's funny. That's my only defence. I'd love to piss off a group like anti-abortion people

or anti-vaxxers or something like that. I'd be fine with that. Man, you live... So Tommy lives near an abortion clinic and he has protesters every day outside his house for the various crimes he's committed, but also at the abortion clinic as well. It's good for them because they just get to double up.

They just get to do the morning shift at my joint and then just go into 7-Eleven for lunch and then it's right down to the clinic. Yeah, because I... It's well known for that, the one that I live near, for having protesters at it pretty regularly. And I still haven't...

I've only seen one out there once. Because when I moved in, you were obsessed with it. You were just talking to me all the time about the protests. I'm like, I hate to break your heart. I don't know if they exist. I've never seen them. They do. That's very clear that that shows what time you get up because

they do an early shift yeah yeah this is what happens i've walked past them uh going to work uh early so they're basically this is this is i read up on them so um well so people sort of get in there to to have the operation done have the procedure done early in the morning because they want to make sure they're trying to get away from the protesters. And anything like that, you sort of don't want to be walking at lunchtime or anything like that. You're a little bit like, let's get it done early in the morning. You want to beat the traffic.

Exactly. You still want to get it done and then go to work. You want to be able to get, oh, well, they do all-day Maccas breakfast. Yeah, I was going to say. Apportion an egg McMuffin. You know, you don't want a Big Mac. I feel like they're in the same Venn diagram of activities, like have an do all-day Maccas breakfast. Yeah, I was going to say. Apportion an egg McMuffin. You know, you don't want a Big Mac. I feel like they're in the same Venn diagram. Activities like have an abortion, a Big Mac.

Exactly. 4, 10, 30. What if that was Maccas' whole advertising pitch with pushing the breakfast to all-day? It's like, no, it doesn't matter what time you eat. Just right in the centre where the people are going, what the fuck are they on about? What a narrow demographic.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you've terminated one egg. Now come and eat a terminated egg at McDonald's. I'm not into the all-day breakfast, I have to say. It's taken the thrill out of being up in time to get the McDonald's breakfast. It felt like a nice little reward.

And how you can just get it at four in the afternoon. Yeah, because you'd have to get there at 10.30 and then you could ride the line. You'd get a hash brown and chips and it was like a good, sick feeling. You're like, oh, yeah. Get there like 10.29 or 10.31. Yeah, yeah.

There's still a few leftover McMuffins as the fresh fries come in. No, you time it so that the sentence as you're saying the order, you time it so that you start speaking at 10.29 and then clock over and then put the chips at the back end of the order. It's like celebrating New Year's Eve in New Zealand and quickly being on the plane and flying to Australia and hitting it twice. But yeah, so you read up on them.

Oh, yeah. So a lot of people go there early, very early in the morning to beat the protesters. But then the protesters go, okay, well, we figured that out after one day. They're crafty. I'll give them that. They're crafty. It's like evolution. It's just like learning something.

That's all it is. So then they turn up early. Right. So that's how that works. So protesters, they're crafty. And also, the protesters are always like 70 or 80 years old. They're always really old because they've got nothing better to do.

They've finished their working life and they're like, all right, well now I can really enjoy my winter years and just like scream at young women. Yeah. For having an operation done. Yeah. So they, you know,

old people tend, the cliche is tend to get up very early anyway. So they, you know, old people tend, the cliches tend to get up very early anyway. So actually fucking, they've fallen into the protesters trap really by going in and getting it done early. They're up already. They got nothing to do. If they, people should be getting abortions at midnight

on a Saturday night. There will be no 80 year olds protesting at that time. Yeah. I guess it's like like if you're like, because all those people protesting are quite old, it's probably got a lot to do with like, they're not even that morally opposed to it at this point. It's just something to do.

Yeah. It's just outside of the fact of like, we don't really care about this. It's just a good way to say, you know, there's a little community of us that hang out down here. At the like pokies, there'll be like a morning melody show, like someone playing a few like like, old Vera Lynn songs at, like, 10.30 in the morning.

It's like, how do we fill in the time from 6 until 10.30? Until bingo, yeah. A few young teenage girls. I once talked about on the pod about when I went to visit my nan maybe, like, a year ago in the home that she's in, and I have a woman at her nursing home who will sit there in the morning and read out the paper to them. But it's like the entirety of the paper.

So not vetting any of the story. So I walk in and it's like Nan and all these other old birds just sitting there, just listening to this woman go. And then they found the young woman's body. She'd been brutally raped and murdered. And it's like, fucking hell, just go straight to the odd spot and then read out a bit of Fred Bassett, I reckon. You need to be.

Someone needs to vaccinate her. No, no, cover to cover every day, all of it. She's reading out the Sudoku. She's like, one, two, gap, seven, eight, gap, six, gap. Fuck. And just, yeah, just people, just all these old people just observing it. None of it's going in.

It's like, why do you need to be hearing about the world? You're in the final steps. You're closed off from everything. Surely that's one of the nice things about it. What's going on out there doesn't matter to you anymore. Just euthanize yourself, cunt. Yeah. Just put a pillow on your own face and go towards the light. Yeah, that's sort of typically a thing for a person like 70 to 80 to do.

You don't get any suicides at that age, I feel. Like, I don't hear about them. Where would you hear about them? On the grapevine? Unless, because you know how old people have falls? Maybe that's like a euphemism for suicide. Do you know what I mean? They just call it a fall.

When your dog went to the farm or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Nan had a fall. Yeah, she slid her wrist in the bath. If you're in your 20s or 30s, you can make the effort to go to the Westgate Bridge, but if you're 70 or 80, it's like that's a lot of organisation to get out to spots with.

Yeah. Just chuck yourself down the stairs. I'll just give myself over to gravity. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe it's like, because euthanasia is illegal in every country, right? No, not in every country. Not in Switzerland or Sweden or something? Yeah, there's places where you can go to a place and they'll give you a lift.

There's places where you can stay out of jail if you kill yourself, yes. Right. But you, but what? Oh, just in one of those countries. What's the country? Is it Netherlands or whatever? Yeah, it's like a Nordic country. They'll just do it.

I don't know why they want to kill themselves. If you've got a headache or whatever. Yeah, yeah, that's in the red light district. You can just have magic mushrooms and kill yourself. It's such a cool hot spot on a Saturday night. Next to the KFC in Amsterdam. There's like prostitution, drugs and suicide. Big, big night.

Like euthanasia clinics. Yeah. But maybe that's what it is. It's like you're an old person and it's like you come in, but you have to make it look like a fall. You know what I'm saying? You come in and finish me off. Right.

But then you do whatever you've got to do to make it look like a trick. You're like measuring the gradient from the stairs. You're like, if I come in from this angle, then I'll hit the railing at this angle, and then I'll ricochet off the back. It's like maths. You're just at the top of the stairs, just with that thing where sometimes people go,

I can't quite do the final. You're just going to need to give me a bit of a bump to get down the stairs. I can't do it by myself. What do you guys think? Euthanasia, should it be legal in this country? Are you asking me? Yeah. I'm asking all of you.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Like, my grandma euthanized herself. Did she really? Yeah, yeah. She used to go to euthanasia classes because she was like, fuck, I hate being old. Classes? Yeah, it's called exit group where it's like old people learn how to put a bag on their head.

Exit group? Yeah. That's amazing. This is amazing. That's the same name that the abortion clinic near my house has. Exit group. That's an amazing name for it. It's pretty cool.

And there's a doctor. I forgot what his name is. I wouldn't say cool, but anyway. I know the doctor you're talking about. He's like the Dr. Carl of assisted suicide. Yeah, yeah. He is. Do you know the guy I'm talking about?

He's there. Does he have a statement on Triple J as well? Hello, Dr. Carl. I want to kill myself. How do I do it? They stripped his doctorate away or something because he was helping. Philip Nitschke. Yeah, Philip Nitschke. But they took his doctorate.

He's no longer able to call himself a doctor anymore. In that way, he's like the actual doctor on Triple J. Because there's no real doctorate. Okay, don't worry. Oh, wow. So they took his doctorate away, which ironically made him want to kill himself. Yeah, maybe. I saw his book in the bookstore, the exit grit, like,

how to kill yourself book, and it's him with a Hawaiian shirt on the front. Like Dr. Carl. What? Like Dr. Carl. But I think he does it to, like, because it's such a grim subject. He's like, I'll get a bit tropical. To distract away from the sheer grimness of it. That's the publisher going, fucking hell, we need something on the cover.

Don't have the hood on. Don't have the big sickle in your hand as well. Is there any chance you can work a cartoon dog into the book somewhere that we can put on the cover? Get a big party animal on the cover. You know. That's great. Have a cocktail.

Make it fun. Or is he himself dead and his career is just a bit of weekend at Bernie's action and that's what the Hawaiian shirt is. Did he have sunglasses on on the cover as well? Just propped open by two teenagers that are like, take their nans or whatever. Now, Nina, I said to you before, we're going to be on with Rathi. You said, oh, Rathi, I've got a story about how we met. Oh, is it interesting?

I think it's interesting. Yeah, it is interesting. So we met at Melbourne Comedy Festival in 2011 or 2012? Uh, 2011 I think. Yeah. At a Mark Mann show.

And you nominated this year for Best Newcomer in 2019. Yeah. Let's look up the definition of that. It took a while. I hadn't started comedy.

You need a lot of experience to become a Newcomer, the Best Newcomer. Yeah. Maybe you'll win it next year. Yeah, who knows? With this nomination under your wing. Round two, ding, ding.

Just change your name. Yeah, so? Yeah, we met at Mark Maron's show. Oh, yeah, yeah. And we both had, like, very strange reactions to him. His stand-up show? Yeah, yeah. Like, Mark Maron.

Friend of the show? He was on the show once. Oh, really? Oh, fuck. When I was 17, I wanted to fuck him so bad. I wanted to fuck his 60-year-old ass so bad. Was that at the comedy festival? Yeah, that was when he was on the show.

Oh, really? And he beat us on the drive over there. Yeah, we got married real bad. But it was good. It was the full Marc Maron experience. It was great. It was good. Yeah, I basically had my Marc Maron fuck it was great it was good yeah I basically had

like my Marc Maron fuck plan I was like I'm gonna go to Melbourne Comedy Festival I'm gonna watch his show and then and I don't know

how this is gonna happen I can't wait till Raffy gets into this fuck plan and I was gonna meet Ginger but like I was there with my cousin

and my auntie so it was like not like I don't think I hope they don't listen to this but like yeah it wasn't gonna there was no scope for this to ever, but like, yeah, it wasn't gonna, there was no scope for this to ever happen.

But like when, great part of the plan. I'm gonna try and fuck this guy. Better get my family involved. They can watch. Dad can be there with the camcorder. It's the wingman.

But yeah, so we went to Michael Marion and then afterwards, but I like freaked out because he was like my hero. So I was was like like he people were he was giving out cat stickers outside and people were just walking past being like great show man great show man and i was like do you know who this fucking is this is mark fucking maron this is mark you can't just say great show to like the best comedian in the world this is fucking mark man and i was yelling at

people and mark was just standing there like terrified like he was like who is this because I was like a teenager I was like 16 years old or some shit just yelling like a 16 year old random Asian girl just like just treating Mark Maron like one of the backstreet boys yeah and he was just standing there being like do you want another cat sticker or something

he's like I can't I can't you know and then Raffy I don't know you went you like bolted out to get money to get him a drink or some shit. Yeah, yeah. At that point, I was at a point of approaching people that I thought were big. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I wanted to talk to people that were famous. Now, I would never do it.

Yeah. Because it's too. Back in those days, you were in a point in your life where you wanted to talk to people. You had your own. Mark Maron. I would take social risks to talk to people that I respected. Right. Now I will shy away from that.

It's too mortifying. It's too, yeah, because the powers and then they get all, you know. But did you have one bad experience that kind of scared you off? Probably this one, yeah, with the beer thing. Oh, so what happened with Mark Maron? Well, I ran down to get, because I was going to get him beers to be sycophantic. Yeah, nice.

I thought that would be a good plan. Or nice. Or nice. Just refreshing. Nice, yeah. Sycophantic,

refreshing. We don't need to choose, yeah, we don't need to choose the worst possible description of it.

Exactly. But anyway, that's not our bad, that's yours, but go on. And then I just, I was like, do you want a beer?

And I realised he's an alcoholic. Yeah, he's sober for like 30 years or something. I'm a massive fan of yours, I've heard everything you've ever said, do you want a beer? And I realised he's an alcoholic. Yeah, he's sober for like 30 years or something. I'm a massive fan of yours. I've heard everything you've ever said. Do you want a beer?

And I think he talked about it at length in the show as well about being an alcoholic. Yeah, he did. Oh, great. That's good. That's good. But surely now you're, because you're a good comic. So this is something I just told you before,

but my wife went and saw a showcase show last night and came home and went Dan Rath this guy's good you were the standout she doesn't see much comedy but uh she doesn't even see my comedy but she saw yours and was like loved it so surely you get a bit of that sort of social interaction these days maybe the the shoes on the other foot now what happens when people come up to you well the only people that come up to me is sort of like bearded um women loons yeah women with beards and um bearded comedy fans well and just like to get more of that after being on this podcast so this is the factory where we make them you make them in this room yeah um yeah i, I get approached by, like, the type of people, like, some people, like, there

was a guy in one of my shows, he was preparing a curry. What? In the show? He was preparing it. Not, like, eating it. He had, like, naan breads and he was dipping it. Oh, so he brought all the parts to a curry. To a curry.

And he's eating it in the show. Eating it in the show. Incredible. And he was the type of person who's like, I like you. He's like, I like you. Right, right. That's the type of, and I'm, like like you. He's like, I like you. Right, right. That's the type of, and I'm like seeing it and they disgust me. Like he had a ponytail.

Fuck. What kind of curry? I think it was like a chicken korma or a lamb korma. Like it was some korma. Yeah, nice. So spicy. Yeah, he had rice and it's such a complex meal to bring into it. It's so hard to eat on your lap.

It's so hard to eat. Especially a curry. Yeah, yeah. And he's wearing a white shirt. It's not a burger. It's not chips. Someone whipped out a curry in a cinema I was in once and it stank out the whole cinema.

And I was just thinking, this can't be an enjoyable way of eating the curry. I mean, I have a hard enough... That was an enjoyable food. Yeah, exactly. It's hard enough to eat a choc-top in the cinema I feel like, without getting it all down your shirt Totally

How do you eat a fucking soup bowl? But also, for you to have that much Sort of description of what he was eating That implies that he was not sitting up the back Was he eating a curry in the front row? He was eating a curry in the third row Very isolated in the crowd Like, the most distance away from other people as possible

Yeah Like, in the middle Just eating a most distance away from other people as possible. Yeah. Like in the middle, just eating a curry. Did he just think your show... I don't think that's his choice, though. That was other people's choice. He thought your show was just a food court? Like he just was like, oh, this is weird. Dinner and a show.

This is like a Dame Ruth's theatre restaurant. Yeah. You're like Jackulas. Fawlty Towers Theatre Restaurant. Fawlty Towers. restaurant I Fawlty Towers We always talk about Like the You know in comedy

The set up where People are eating During the gig Nightmare Like when you get to a pub And they're like Oh yeah people Are just going to be having

Well it's the most possible thing Because like in a cinema Who gives a fuck If people are eating Yeah But you as a comedian You are banking on The sound of laughter

Yeah And the one thing That prevents that From happening Is a mouth being full of fucking carrot. Yeah. But I will say, if you bring the food in and you sit up the very front

and then you're using the stage as your personal table, respect. Like, a certain degree of audaciousness that I would have to begrudgingly go, this person doesn't give a fuck. They've come in here and decided that this is their lounge room and they can use my stage as a coffee table. I think we're getting back to the vaccinations again.

I think with that sort of move, to be quite honest, because that's insane. Do you have a show at the festival, Tommy? Yeah. Yeah, so everyone come to Tommy's show and just bring your curry, put it on the stage. Bring your fucking candles. Whack them on the stage.

Bring your pot roast, Have it sitting there. Have a full spread. Have the garlic bread there ready to go. Have the 1.25 litre Coke next to it. Salt and pepper shakers. Whack them next to the microphone. Don't forget dessert. If you came out and that was all set up in front of you,

you'd have to play it. What about if someone got a pizza delivered during the show? That would be good. Love it. That would be good. Love it. Into it be good. Love it. Into it. Into all of it.

What if everyone did that? What if everyone got food delivered during a show? If someone wants to do that to us, flash mob style at a live gig, all of you organised to get pizzas delivered during the gig, absolutely into it. What about different foods like Thai, just whatever, Uber Eats? What about a pho? Bringing the Uber Eats down. Thai, absolutely into it. Yeah. What about different foods, like Thai, like just whatever, just Uber Eats? What about a pho? Bringing the Uber Eats down.

Thai, yeah, definitely. A pho is pretty hard. We're about to go to Thailand to do some shows, so I'm happy to be in Thailand and get Thai delivered to us in the show. Yeah. Pho not in. Anything where I'm going to hear the slurping from on stage, I'm not into. Anything too soupy, I'm not into.

What's worse, a loud food or a smelly food when you're on stage? Because I had someone eat a packet of chips in my crowd and it was like every time I wanted to have a bit of tension

I would just hear crackle, crackle, crackle, crunch, crunch, crunch and I'm like who the fuck is eating chips? I don't know, that was a very... Yeah, people who bring

chips, yeah, potato chips into the cinema need to get fucked. It's too loud. And if you can't control the volume of a packet that you're opening, again, just stay at home. Nothing worse than like, you know the people who wait,

they've had 20 minutes of trailers. They've had all this time to go through this. And then as soon as the movie starts and it's quiet at the start, they go, anyway, time to noisily unwrap the chalk top, I reckon. Pick your moment, like an explosion. Yes, yes. And then be considerate. Yeah, a big laugh.

Chips are such a non-necessary food as well, where it's like, no, I need salt and vinegar right now. No one needs that, do they? Especially you're at a time when it's like the session of the movie is at four in the afternoon, and it's like, it's not lunchtime, it's not dinner time. There's no excuse for this. i think that's perfect chips time yeah it's a post lunch pre dinner snack snack yeah i don't know you're part of the problem just don't do it at comedy shows don't do it my comedy show yeah yeah because you know what you're right because you're not

fucking up you know i'm live i'm right here yeah yeah you're not you're not fucking up the hangover three are you in the cinema you but you are fucking up a live performance. Yeah, that's what I reckon. Who's the weirdest person you've had in your show? Because I had a wizard in my show last night. What? Yeah, I had a wizard in my show. Now, all right.

First of all, did you figure this out physically or after conversation? No, like physically to look at. He had the whole fucking beard and witch's hat on. Yeah, they were dressed like Dumbledore. I'm picturing the cunt from Where's Wally. Yeah. You know, his little wizard friend. Yeah, exactly like that.

And they were wearing like tons of medallions as well. And they were really, really tall. And the chairs in my venue are quite small. So about like every kind of five minutes, they would change positions. Was this a dream you had or did this happen? No, no, no. This was real.

And I didn't realise, like I didn't, because I make eye contact with everyone in my show and I kind of just skimped over like kind of the bottom right corner and about 10 minutes in i was like who the fuck is this cunt because he was a wizard and i was like wait where's that owl heading over to yeah but he was he was why have i turned into a frog something's afoot in my audience tonight but i was worried i thought i was gonna get cursed because i was like why is a wizard in my show if he But I was worried. I thought I was going to get cursed because I was like, why is a wizard in my show if he's not cursing me? Like what? So maybe wizards just enjoy comedy

but I was very confused. Wizards are not constantly being wizards, you know, and working. You know, they've got, you know, day hours. They've got work hours. They need to take a load off as well. So did you talk to a wizard? So you think the wizards are punching in and off? Yeah, yeah. I was too scared to talk to them.

They were just very interesting looking, so I didn't want to talk to them because they were scaring me. What do you think about your comedy that attracts the dark arts? I love that you're not committing to a pronoun. Like you do not know. You don't want to venture the gender of the wizards. I'm glad you noticed not committing to a pronoun. Like you do not know. You don't want to venture the gender of the wizard. I'm glad you noticed because I didn't know because they were wearing a wizard garb

but then they were wearing these lace gloves with kind of flower print on them. And I was like, ooh, better not decide on their gender so I'm just going to call them a them. Be respectful of the wizarding community. Unless they listen and cancel you for misgendering them. Exactly. I don't want to be cursed for misgendering them exactly I don't want to be

cursed for misgendering if I want to be cursed it's because I do something really fucked up yeah which I guess misgendering is

but I don't think it's good the curse of social ostracism yeah I love that you've asked us what's the weirdest

audience member you've had in and then fired off one that is clearly going to be way weirder than anything we've

mentioned well no because I was like this how good are you guys at basketball slam dunk I'm going to be fired off one that is clearly going to be way weirder than anything we've mentioned. Well, no, because I was like this life. How good are you guys at basketball slam dunk? But, like, I just thought, because I have never done a festival, so then I just assumed you always have one night where there's just, like, a real weird cunt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just, but obviously. Oh, for sure. Like the curry man, like that's pretty funny to me. Yes, no, totally. That does happen, but you have picked a, I've never had a wizard in my crowd. I've had plenty of drunk happen but you have picked it i've never had a wizard in my crowd i've had plenty of drunk people do stupid stuff but i've never had a wizard in which is impressive well let's change that i would be the opposite of you if i walked out and saw a wizard it'd be like show's over guys i'm talking to a wizard for an hour and you guys are

listening in for sure i had in my venue there's an air conditioner and it's got two settings, off and freezing. Yeah. And so it was off for the first like week of the run. And I just started to notice like by the end of the show, it's so warm in there and you can just see people fucking uncomfortable. So then I was like to the venue, all right, we're leaving the air con on for the whole thing, for the whole show. And then that night, about 20 minutes in, I see a woman just like rubbing her arms to

generate warmth. The woman next to her- Comic book style. Yeah, has pushed her scarf up over her face so she looks like the elephant man. And then 10 minutes after that, a woman just yells out, I'm cold. And so then I'm in an argument with them because it's like there's no door people in my room once the show started and I don't have the remote for the air con or anything so then I'm just going

well I'm sorry guys it's just like this it's just like this for the next 20 minutes and just get over it and then they're all going but this is uncomfortable we're freezing

and I'm like I can't do anything just go the hot the hot one because I've got a hot venue as well I'm in Ladies' Lounge at the Forum and there's a thermometer in my room

and like when it was really hot it got up to like 32, 33. Yeah, it sucks. It's no good. It's fucked up but it's also like we're in a sauna together now. Yeah. We're all sweating together. So then the next night I came out and I got someone from the venue

to just kind of hang in the room for the first five minutes of the show and I talked about what had happened the night before and I put it to a vote with the audience. I'm like, if you guys think you're so smart, do we leave the air conditioning on or do we turn it off? And people voted to have it off. So I go, all right, we get it turned off. Then the door person fucks off.

Then 15 minutes later, a woman yells out, yeah, I'm too hot actually. Nightmare. Don't let them decide. Yeah, but then I went back to like leaving it on and just saying to people at the start, get ready to get your fucking jackets out. That's the other thing.

People complaining. It's like other thing. People complaining. It's like, it's basically winter now. Like, it's cold outside. You've come in a jacket anyway. It's fucking 27 degrees. Well, now it's, yeah, the last couple of days have been warmer, but this was like while it was cold out there. Rath, your comedy's pretty full on.

So, like I said before, like, people that are coming up to you, that sort of person, do you get, I reckon you'd be the sort of person with your comedy that people would come up and have a good chat to you about certain ideas that you have during your comedy and people that would be there like you know i do jokes about fucking ducks and ladders and who gives a fuck no one's interested there's no further questions after my jokes they go we get it goodbye but i reckon with your stuff it'd be like right, this guy finally gets what I'm thinking. Yeah, right. Let's have a chat. Right.

Have you got a newsletter that I can subscribe to? Yeah. Well, they want to hang out and smoke weed or like in some dungeon or something. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Which is not what, like I had six people come in with just the worst acne I've ever seen. And they all had like McDonald's packs. It's the worst acne I've ever seen.

And they all had like McDonald's packs. Once again, just people who need to eat during shows are not mentally stable. Like that they have to be eating constantly. And they were eating burgers and bumming everyone out. And of course they loved it. And they were just like, yeah, I love shooting people. It's crazy. Yeah. Wanting to hang out and do DMT after the kill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They've got like a potential school shooter vibe. Yeah. And after your show, they're converted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, I'm not going to do it now. Right.

Billy Madison style going back to school so you can do a school shooting. Yeah. As a mature age student. Mature age student. Mature age student. That's good. Instead of going back to beat people in sports or get their degree,

it's just so you can be inside a school. Fuck. Jesus Christ. Nina, I was talking to you before and I said to you, you were just doing,

you've done a couple of podcasts and we were like, the last couple of weeks, I've got to get you on this thing. And you've done a couple of podcasts and you're like, oh, I told all these fucked up stories

and I was like, you've got to save one for us. You've got to i told all these fucked up stories and i was like you gotta save one for us you gotta save one of your fucked up stories for us and you went oh actually i've got one i fucking got one i'm like all right this is your time i did i had it but then i realized it was too sad i don't know i've got a list of them i don't know i've got a list because i'm not sure a list of fucked up stories oh can i tell one that's like just a little bit amount of fucked up but not super fucked up whatever look i'm happy with whatever you think do you think do you think that we can't handle a too fucked up yeah story because i'm just hearing the listeners at home going why isn't she doing the too fucked up one i don't know i don't

believe in myself so i'm always like these stories aren't even that cool but then later i tell them and everyone's like that's cooked so i don't know. I don't know. I believe in you. This is a stupid story. I believe in you. Do the fucked up one. Do the fucked up one. No? Okay, do whatever you think is comfortable.

Whatever is fine. It's just, yeah. That's fine. Do whatever you think. I don't know. This is, okay, well. I love the idea that you've got a list of these stories anyway. I do because people.

Is it a physical list? No, it's on my notes app on my phone. Do you want me to, hang on, I can read them out. Give me the set list. Give me the names of these stories. Okay, this one says, so the first one is Got Cancelled by Cyclists. Right. You can hear that

story, that was very recent. So that seems like the one that you're comfortable telling. But let's hear the names of the ones that you're not as comfortable with. This next one, went to a circus, fucked the circus people. I'm leaning against the cyclists at the moment. I'm really wanting to hear some circus stuff now. It's not as good as it sounds. Yeah, I have a feeling we might have already heard the best bit.

This one just says... Don't name your joke after the punchline. Don't name your movie, he dies at the end. He sees ghosts. Okay, one time for drugs. Okay, this one. Yeah, no, I'll tell this one. Okay, all right.

So, like, I don't. What a life where you're spoiled for stories where you're like, which one of these great stories? I mean, we burned all of our good shit years ago. Yeah, 100%. Right. Yeah.

Well, I can, okay, so this one is like, so when I was out of uni, first, end of uni,

I took a lot of drugs. After your Marc Maron days? Yeah, after I fucked Marc Maron. Whoa! No, just kidding. Just kidding.

Was he in the circus? Not yet. The bearded, the bearded man what a freak show the angry clown um no i went to um my friend's house and her boyfriend was like a total coke addict and so we were just doing lines of coke all night and then um he ran out and we were in the street and these like two guys kind of came up to us and my friend's boyfriend was like oh do you guys have coke they were like yeah but it's like back at our house and um he was like okay cool but then and i was like i wanted weed so i was like do you have weed and they were

like yeah and they gave us like a little nug of weed for like five dollars but then this one so one guy was really old and one guy was really young. And the young guy was like, oh, like I'll take you to get coke back to my house, but I'll only take the guy. And so Kieran went with this young guy back to – Oh, so you just keep putting names in the story. Yeah, his name's Kieran now, my friend's boyfriend. Right. Ex-boyfriend.

Anyway, and then I ended up just outside in the rain with this like old man. And he – okay, so firstly the other thing is like I've been robbed before. No, I haven't been robbed. I've been in a group of people that have been robbed for their sneakers before. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Whereabouts? In the northern beaches in Sydney.

Like a guy came up to us with a meat cleaver and was like. Fucking hell. I was like, are those fucking tears? This story isn't even on the list. Yeah. Amazing. How many people were in the group? Like five or six.

He took on five people with a meat cleaver and wanted all of your sneakers? He wanted one guy's sneakers and then the rest of us just ran away and we left him. Really? We just left him there with a meat cleaver. And then we went, so we actually like ran really far away and then we went into a house like we found like an apartment with their back door open and there were like stairs up to the top of the apartment block and so we ran all the way up to the top of the apartment block and we're just like hiding there for five minutes but um yeah that friendship suffer as a result of this

it's all well and good to run up a bunch of stairs when you got your shoes on it was okay because i was with another friend so it was like at least we were allied together, I guess. Right. But yeah, anyway, this guy got his shoes stolen. And they weren't even like real TNs. They were like ripped off TNs from Thailand. But he got them stolen. Do you know what TNs are?

No. They're like fancy Nike sneakers. Oh, right. So just a real hype beast with the meat cleaver. Exactly. Right. Exactly. And so he stole my friend's shit fake shoes. Right. And then... Worth about friend's shit fake shoes. Right.

And then... Worth about 10 bucks. Yeah, probably. Even less than that. And then the guy whose shoes got stolen ended up taking shoes from off the... He got a rock and he threw it up to a pair of shoes that were hanging over a telephone line. Oh, like a drug dealer sign.

Yeah, yeah. And he took them down. Got some free shoes. Yeah, but they were like really nice dress shoes. Like he upgraded. Pretty sick. That's great. Yeah, but they were like really nice dress shoes. Like he upgraded. Pretty sick. That's great. Yeah.

Also, that's just great markmanship to be able to get those shoes down. Right? I think so too. That's amazing. I've never heard that before. But unfortunately, once he got rid of those shoes, no one could find the drugs from that guy's house. Oh, yeah, true.

So he really did them a disservice. But anyway, that's a side story. That's a side story side story oh and these were these guys only pair of shoes which i just thought was a really funny fact he had no other shoes so from then on he he's only here he's wearing dress shoes from brazil or something he has a weird backstory anyway that aside so because i always think of that whenever i was like going to a drug dealer's house if i was like wearing nikes and i wasn't wearing like nice nikes, like I was wearing like whatever, like only, I was going to be saying something bougie, like only a hundred dollar Nikes, but just like Nikes that were like four years old real day.

But like no matter what they were, if they were a brand name sneaker, I would leave one of them in a bush if I was going to a drug dealer's house or like a place where like would be a bit sketchy. I don't know why I did it. I just didn't. Wait, so you turn up wearing one shoe? I would wear one shoe. You would, hang on. let's just get this straight because you are talking quickly and it's going too fast for me when you're saying fucking things like this yeah you are you are

getting to someone's house and you are taking one shoe off and you're putting it in a bush and then you're walking up the steps and ringing the doorbell is that what's happening yes because i figure that if somebody wants to rob me of my shoes, if I only have one shoe, they won't rob, like if I just wore one, they couldn't,

they wouldn't, they're not worth robbing because there's just one shoe. Yeah. It's like, you know if you're in retail and they always have one shoe. You just cut up all your $20 notes

and put them in your wallet. Well, you can't rob me. There's only half of them. I want the other half of the $20. Yeah, it works. Right. No one ever robbed me for my shoes. So look, guys, I'm not saying that I'm a genius.

The evidence speaks for itself. Yeah, it worked out. So that's just like a habit that I had. So when I was like outside with this. Did anyone ever notice the fact that you were going into their house with one shoe on? Did anyone go, I think you've had enough drugs, actually. You're only wearing one shoe. Or pull a gun on you and go, take us to the other shoe

and give us that one. I think when I was doing the one shoe thing, it was usually like if I had taken drugs and then like needed more drugs. So I was like already on the, like I think if I was sober, I probably wouldn't have done the one shoe thing. But whenever I was like in the space,

just I'd leave one shoe in the bush, like just hide it in a bush yeah um fuck but i remember i used my shoe to yeah i hid it in the bush when we were going to get coke from these guys and then this guy this older guy he just kept telling me about his like life in jail and how he was gay but he never sucked a dick in jail like for ages and then it started pouring with rain but i couldn't get back in because kieran was still gone and this went on for like two hours two hours of stories two hours of stories and then not sucking dick yeah there was this other time i didn't suck a dick and he said he said that he'd been hooking up with the young guy but the young guy didn't

want to like didn't return his affections or like didn't he just wanted to have sex with him he was just using him so it was weird because i was like oh i thought they were friends and it was like oh no this is a very like spliced partnership right that's happened so i was like i'm just in the original odd couple yeah just sitting in the rain with this like guy who's really old and not getting laid like it was just very confusing and then i at some point because i was dating a girl at the time and he I was like, oh, yeah, I like girls. And he was like, oh, you're a fucking lemon, are you? And I was like, what? I was like, you just – I don't know.

It was such a weird – he was like, oh, you're a fucking lemon. Is that a term, lemon? Lemon what? Or is he mispronouncing lesbian? Honestly, I remember that from like primary school. It is a term? Well, look, I will confirm that it was used in my primary school or something like that. But I remember someone being so, and I don't believe this is real, but I think that was

a term that was used. Like, oh yeah, she's a lemon. And then it was like, someone was like, well, what are men called when they're gay? And it was like, oh yeah, they're hamburgers. And it was like, I think I believe the lemon one. And then people were like, hamburgers. I'm like, I don't think that's a thing. I think that's a thing that you made up and you're trying to push and make happen.

Yeah, okay. Interesting. I thought lemon meant dud. Oh, yeah. Like you're a lemon. This guy's a lemon. Oh, really? Like a car.

Like a schmuck. Yeah, that's like an old American term, isn't it? For like a big car that doesn't work that well lemon, this guy's a lemon. Oh, really? Like a car. Like a schmuck. Yeah, that's like an old American term, isn't it? For like a big car that doesn't work that well. Yeah, it's a lemon. Maybe that's what he was saying about you. Still homophobic. It does. Which one would you prefer?

Yeah, I reckon. Or not homophobic, but still like lesbian phobic or whatever. It seemed like he was really looking down on me for being gay when he had just talked to me for like hours about sucking dicks but not in jail. And I was like, how dare you fucking judge me? Right. But anyway, so we had given this guy...

You think jail would represent a perfect opportunity to do it as well? That's what I was thinking. If you're ever going to do it, it's like... That's where everyone has to do it. There's safety, yeah. That's ironically your get out of jail card. Of course I sucked a dick, I was in jail.

Even non-gay guys will suck dicks. Yeah, yeah. Let alone gay guys. It's like Vegas, what happens in jail stays in jail. Yes. Exactly. This guy's fucked up. Yeah.

If we went to jail, all bets are off. Isn't it? That's how it works. I guess. It's not a choice. Yeah. Necessarily. Yeah, in jail. So what would works. I guess. It's not a choice. Yeah. Necessarily. Yeah.

In jail. So what would you guys do if you're in jail? Let's expand on that. No, I'm kidding. Do you think they'd let us continue the podcast? Judge, please. Let us take the Zoom recorder in. We've got to keep this thing going.

All of a sudden we've got microphones up our ass. We're getting a Zoom recorder baked into a cake. You're just 69ing holding each other's dicks, like talking into them like a podcast. Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, mate. We need a conjugal visit in the caravan. I mean, instead of fucking, we just,

oh, no, we're sucking each other off. No, we're not. We're just talking into microphones. Yeah, we've got Kappa in to do an F with us. We need a conjugal threesome. That's amazing if you said, can we have a conjugal orgy, please? I really miss all the people I fuck on the outside.

Do they still happen? That's a thing that I know from movies and stuff, but I have no idea if it's ever been a thing in the real world. Hey, I know you're in jail for committing murder or whatever, but, you know, look, we're not monsters in here. We'll still let you fuck once a month. Your wife's allowed to come in and visit you in this caravan. Look, I would say not for murder.

I would say for lesser crime, surely. You get to smash. Why would you? Are you in there for tax fraud or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in those white collar prisons. Excessive jaywalking whatever it is minimum security on the topic of criminal smashing this so somebody told me this i don't know if it's true because they don't treat you in history class but did you know when the first fleet or whatever like the first lot of convicts

came to australia right there was like one boat full of men it was like a couple boats full of men and a couple of boats full of women but they were like single gendered so like and that took like a couple of boats full of men and a couple of boats full of women, but they were single-gendered, and that took a year to get over from England. So when they all got onto the beach and they saw the opposite gender for the first time, it was just like a two-week fuck fest. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, all these criminals just fucking... The original Contiki tour.

Yeah. That's how this country was made, by just a bunch of criminals having a fucking orgy on the beach. On the beach? Yeah, man. Fuck. Yeah. Interesting.

Wow. First fuck. That's what we're celebrating every Australia day. Yeah. That's the first Australian orgy. Just the people running the boats, like, that happens. They're like, honestly, we probably should have seen this coming. It might have been easy to just have the boats be mixed gender

and just get this out of the way on the open seas. No, because then they'd have too many babies with scurvy. Oh, yeah. It's not true. You don't want to give a baby scurvy. Yeah, I'm starting to see the sense of what people did 250 years ago. Well, apparently because my ancestor from the Australian side was like a sex worker and she slept with heaps of people in that orgy.

Really? That's the legacy. Yes, like one of my relatives told me that. I don't know if that's real. I don't know if maybe I was like on drugs and I misremembered this, but I'm pretty sure. Was this all detailed on Ancestry.com? Yeah, yeah.

It was on 23andMe. It was like you're 5% slut. It was like, well, you need to supply a sperm sample. No, we've got plenty. We've got plenty from back in the day. It's funny because most people, like, you know, like sometimes you'll see like a bogan or someone will be like, yeah, my great-great-grandad invented the tram.

And they're like, it's always good. Yeah. Like it's never like, yeah, my great-great-grandma was a whore. Yeah. It's always the best possible thing. Like it's never like, yeah, my great-great-grandma was a whore. Yeah. It's always the best possible thing. Like they were friends with Isaac Newton. Yeah. But she was like clever.

Like she snagged like a real good, like a convict that like worked his way up to becoming like a businessman and like earned heaps of money. So he was like new money in there. So she's a genius. She's like the Kim K, Kim Kardashian of convicts. Yeah. Of convicts. Yeah. Not that I'm like proud to of first flight convicts yeah yeah not that i'm like proud to be descended from convicts like i'm not that's ashamed but like you know yeah it's

pretty cool to there's a lot of people that are hitlers that have changed their name very you know back in the 40s and stuff oh and condoms they change the name to condom anyone that's called condom used to be called condom oh really yeah Yeah. Is that true? Yeah. Makes a lot of sense when you think about it. It's only one letter different. But why not just give yourself something fucking cool? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of a sudden my name's fucking Colt Steele. Why do you have to change it to Condom?

Right. Although I knew a girl whose last name was Franger. So like... Fuck. That's pretty sick. They kept that. That's great if their name was Condom and they've changed it to Franger. So like, that's pretty sick. They kept that. That's great if their name was Condom and they've changed it

to Franger. Yeah. Right. I want no one to know my history. I'm changing my name to Bearback. Yeah.

You've got to give us a bit more. Gary, up the bum, no babies. Interesting last name. Tell me the back history of that.

You've got to give us a bit more info on you rooting the elephant at the Ringling Brothers Circus, whatever that story was. Well, it had a micropase in it, so it was okay. No, I don't know. Which is just like a normal human-sized... By the way, I can't wait to hear Rathi's list of stories after all this.

Oh, Rathi's going to have way better stories than me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've got like one. Well, I haven't even finished my first story because when I was waiting with this old guy, so then about two hours later, Kieran came back. Loving the commitment to naming and shaming this guy. I didn't say his last name.

It's fine. Right, okay. Oh, it's fine. Kieran Fine. Yeah, Kieran Fine. Look him up. Great. Have an intervention because he has a problem.

Because we'd given this young guy like four or five hundred bucks to get Coke. But I don't do Coke that often. This is like one of my rare Coke stories. It's fine. We're not undercover. We're just podcasters. But yeah, he came back two hours later and we'd been robbed.

The young guy had just been like, hey, wait down here. I'll come back with your drugs and just left him there for two hours later and the we would be we'd been robbed like the young guy had just been like hey wait down here i'll come back with your drugs and just left him there for two hours like just went up to his apartment and just like never came back and then so we were just outside with like 200 400 lost and then like no drugs yeah one shoe and this old man that was sad because he couldn't suck dicks in jail it was just like the most fucked up night. That's awesome. I reckon Matthew's going to have a big night out story to top that easily. A big night.

I don't know if I've had any like really big night out story. Yeah, that was sort of the joke and the implication. But anyway. Oh, right. That's the, yeah, that's the vaccine talking there. I honestly took that really literally. But I was confused why you thought I would. I've never been out for that long.

You've got a bandage around your glasses. I didn't think you were going to have a fucking hangover four story. It's not a bandage. It's like a piece of tape. I do drink a lot for someone who doesn't have much fun. But I drink a lot but I don't go out and express it through the medium of dance and kind of the vamacity. You're just in the corner of the bar by yourself. I'm just doing it clinically.

Do you want some Coke? Just getting the job done. Yeah, getting the job done. I know a guy. I sit there and just methodically drink Shiraz. Yeah. Measure it out. That's exactly what I agreed to and just methodically drink Shiraz. Yeah. Measure it out. That's exactly what I agreed to drink at the start of the night.

One standard drink exactly. Yeah. But yeah, what's this? What's this? Give us the bullet points of the circus. I hope we heard everything there is to hear. It's not that good. I went to the shittest circus of all time.

I'm not going to name the circus. But they were like... But you made your friend who buys drugs were like yeah shout out to kieran i don't know why it's such a big deal it's not his last name is it the kieran circus yeah it's the kieran circus right okay i was like kieran circus and um it was like the shittest circus like everything had gone wrong like you know when you see like there was a guy that was juggling stuff while bouncing on a table that was like kind of on one leg, right? And they just kept dropping the ball, like literally dropping and not in like a tricky way.

One of the worst things you can do as a juggler. Yeah, exactly. In my humble opinion. But like not deliberately, not in the way that like, you know, people do suspenseful. They're like, ooh, Paterna can't juggle. And then suddenly I'm like juggling fire in 10 clubs. It was literally just like a person that was like obviously hung over and shit and just like failing at the circus and like the

whole circus that was just like what the whole thing was like right and then that later that night i went out to like some club on oxford street and i picked up and it was one of the acrobats from that same circus and i was like fuck my entire like that's that's pretty cool yeah it was i was really stoked at the time because I was like, cool, like a fucking circus before, but then he told me witch circus and I was like, oh, no. But I was like, yeah, that was great. But an acrobat.

Doing a lot of trapeze shit in the bedroom. No. Oh, okay. Extremely boring. Damn. A lot of your stories have circus-based themes, like wizards. Yeah. Or wizards. Yeah. Wizards, circus, they're more fantasy, I reckon.

They're circus-adjacent. That's true. Circus-adjacent, yeah. What is the difference between a wizard and a magician these days? To me, they're both incels. Yeah, big time. No, man, wizards fuck. We know from Harry Potter, they're all fucking each other in the butt, but not in jail. In literature, they time. No, man. Wizards fuck. Like we know from Harry Potter, they're all fucking each other.

In the butt, but not in jail. In literature, they do. Yeah. But in real life, I think it's a hard existence. Yeah. Oh, no. I think it's like, you know, there are plenty of people that want to fuck comedians. And, you know, all we're doing is standing up on stage talking about who gives a fuck.

If someone's a wizard, there's surely got to be people who are super into wizards because they're believing in – they've got magical powers. Yeah, yeah. Magic groupies. But what's the quality control on magic groupies? Do you know what I mean? Like it's got to be a disastrous bunch of people.

Oh, yeah. Look, I'm with you. But I still think they would exist. There'd be numbers there. There are people as long as you as long as you do something in your life

where you're up there and being proud to do it you're going to check this out there are going to be people to buy into it yeah you're holding court yeah you can command

a room's attention exactly people want to be comforted by being with someone that seems to be in control yeah

so as long as you get up there and beat your chest there's going to be people that go with you like cult leaders like us exactly

yeah yeah well I reckon we better wrap it up for another week okay what do you think everyone yeah do we usually give the guests

an option I didn't know that was a thing this is like six hours I'd like to continue I'd like to turn the aircon off yeah okay

yeah I'm giving them no choice tonight alright thank you so much for joining us Dan Dan Rath, Nina Oyama. Have you guys got shows? I don't know when we'll put this up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, if you love the guests, then you will,

because they're both great. Just check them out online. They're all over the social medias. You're on Facebook, Insta, and Twitter, I guess, or some of those things. Oh, my God, follow me on Twitter. I'm fucking desperate. Yeah, yeah.

You did a thing, Nina, for the ABC, you did a Fresh Blood series. Is that still up? Can people still see that? Yeah, that's still on iView. I made a show called

The Angus Project, which is about a guy with cerebral palsy who takes drugs with his useless carer. It's based on my real life. I'm not the guy with cerebral palsy,

I'm the carer. All the work bays out there. But it's based on me and my friend. Great, yeah, go check that out, that's still online. Rathi, what have you got?

I'm only on Twitter at the moment because I've been locked out of Facebook permanently. Great. Yeah. That's rough, man. I've permanently forgot my password. Oh. And my... I thought you did something.

I was like, I got locked out. I've been locked out. I can't get in. Yeah, okay. You've lost your keys. I've lost the keys to my Facebook. And I've lost the recovery codes I can't get in. Yeah, okay. You've lost your keys. I've lost the keys to my Facebook. And I've lost the recovery codes and all that. Right.

Because it's an old phone number and an old email. You know you can just start again, don't you? Yeah. Yeah, I'm thinking of maybe starting again. Oh, wow. A scoop. If people are interested in maybe that happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great, great. A new beginning. Yeah. We'll keep it on. Keep it on Facebook. Yeah, yeah. I mean Great, great. A new beginning. Yeah. Well, keep it on Facebook. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we're out of festival season now probably by now, or maybe you guys are doing something in Sydney.

But yeah, go and see it. These guys are both great comics, so go and see that. Yeah, check them out. Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. We did. Two guests doing it for the first time, but us very much doing it again.

Yeah, we were in pretty decent form. I remember us being pretty match fit for that one. Feels like a lifetime ago that we recorded that one. Yeah. Is this the new Talking Dumb Dumb? Just us reminiscing way back in time of stuff that we did a month ago or so. It's nice. Sometimes we're doing these a couple of days after we record,

so there's not many memories to be had. But enough time has passed with this that it feels – I feel nostalgic for this episode. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah. I'm thinking back to it, and all I can think of is us in sepia tones as we were recording it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's grainy. There was like a dancing cow there next to us. We were on a steamboat. Yeah, we were all it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's grainy. There was like a dancing cow there next to us. We were on a steamboat. Yeah, we were all in blackface. It was a simpler time. Yeah, we did this right before the drunk cast, final night of the festival. Pretty worn out, but still a fun one.

Oh, yeah. Let's talk about the drunk cast. Okay. Yeah, in terms of we didn't – it's not really on the record anywhere, so I think this is as good a place as any. We finished doing all the Melbourne Live podcasts, so this was the last studio one just before we took off for overseas and stuff like that.

So, yeah, like you said, straight after this episode, we did the drunk cast. We were having a couple of beers, warming up for it. I think a few weeks ago people heard us on Talking Dumb Dumb that we recorded the day after the drunk cast. Right. So they've heard the aftermath. Yeah.

But I don't think we went into much detail about what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we don't need to go into super detail, but it's definitely worth noting just so people know what it is and, you know, for next year and stuff like that. We did it on Sunday night p.m on the eve of a public holiday yes uh so yeah had plenty in thank you to everyone that came yep uh lined up usually there's a big line around the block to get in always satisfying to see yep um people season pass holders uh got in immediately people had bought a ticket to an individual show

um one of the four live Saturday afternoon shows then came in after that. Of course, on the day, flux of people going, oh, can I just come in anyway? No. You're followed by a flux of messages saying, get fucked.

Yes. One of my favourite parts of the year. How did you ignore every other bit where we've told you what the instructions are? No, you fucking can't. Oh, I can't be fucked on to any of those other ones. Just let me into the jewel in the crown. Sure, a person we've never heard from before and seems to have no interest in supporting us.

Yes. We'll do you a favor. Yep. No, fuck off. So, yeah, look, nice chocker show. It was very fun, very visual. We didn't record it, as always. Queens of the Stone Age blasting out of the speakers

in the lead up to the show. It's an awkward little thing we do now where we kind of book the room for ourselves and our guests and our friends and stuff like that. We sit in there and we drink for an hour or so before the show, before the drunk cast.

All the time, all the people are just waiting directly outside of the room well at least at least this year and i think last year there's like a little curtain so we are kind of separated but do you remember i think maybe the first time we did it right they'd fight there's this curtain that divides where the audience line up from the main room yeah and for some reason they'd fucked the curtain off yeah so we were just sitting there in full literally just in full view of everyone yeah just going sorry going, sorry guys, you can't come in yet. Yeah.

Meanwhile, we're just going to sit here and have fun with all our friends. Yeah. We felt like we were in a fucking zoo. Yeah. It was weird. And it's not like, you know, they're looking and they can't see us doing anything except for drink. Yes.

So there's no reason for us to not let them in yet. Yes. But we did let everyone in a bit earlier this year and just so everyone could acclimatize to it. Yes. Get themselves lubed up. Yes. So very fun.

Thanks to everyone, all the guests that came down as well. So who did we have on stage by the end? We had Oliver Clarke. We had Josh Earle. We had Nick Carr. We had Will Anderson. Will Anderson. We had Celia Paquala for a bit.

We had Nazeem for a little bit. We had Dilruk for a little bit. Did we have Nazeem up there? I can't even remember. Yeah. We had Nazeem for a little bit. We had Dilruk for a little bit. Did we have Nazeem up there? I can't even remember. Yeah, Nazeem got up for a little bit. Luke McGregor was up there for a little bit. Yeah, Luke McGregor. Who else?

I can't really remember. Did Josh get up? I mean, Josh did a thing at the start, but did he come on the show? So probably plenty more. I just can't remember. Good to start the idea of let's do an inventory. P.S. I am going to clap out halfway through this.

Well, that's good enough. Who knows what we had. Oh, poor foot. Oh, yeah, that's right. How could we forget? There you go. Yeah, two weeks ago on the show, made a grand return to the show and then enjoyed that so much that he came back for the drunk cast.

And, you know, nice for him to be on a thing where we've said this doesn't get recorded, so be as visual as you want. And for him to really be able to just indulge himself for a change. Yes. So there was... Oh, Blakey. Brett Blake. He had Blakey as his security guard.

And he kept saying, I've got my security guard Blake here. I think he thought Blake was just his first name or like Madonna style, just his full name. Yes. Yeah, so that was fun. And we entered the stage. We always dress up for it. So you and I were both cosplaying as Nick Capper. Yeah.

Pretty great. With big wigs on and dressed, you know, we basically trying to dress like idiots. Yeah. Hawaiian shirts. Yeah. Yeah. Doing the impression, doing the eyes. Yeah.

And then Nick Capper himself crash tackled us to the ground. Right. Dressed in the tuxedo. The tuxedo. Right. And he, oh, that's right. So we, he was about to leave to come on this overseas trip. Yeah.

And we, we sourced a hair straightener from the crowd. Yeah. A lady in the crowd called her husband who lives nearby. And then about 20 minutes later, this bloke just walks onto the stage and goes, did someone want this hair straightener? At midnight on a Sunday. Just this poor bloke at home. His wife's fucked off to watch this fucked comedy show that he has no interest in.

All of a sudden, he's getting a phone call. Listen, you prick. Get out of bed and get down here with the hair straightener. What are you fucking doing asleep in Narrow Warren? Drive into the city and bring the hair straightener with you. Chuck the GHD into the baby seat and get down here. So, yeah, very fun night.

That's about all I can remember. Yeah, that's it. No, we did do a couple of hours and it was nice and chockers. Everyone had a good time. Did a bit of crowd surfing. Did a bit of crowd surfing once again. It's back for another year. Did you crowd surf?

Yeah. Right. Yep. That's it. Well, that was it by the end of it. I was so fucked I couldn't. Yeah. I kind of thought, was I the only one that did it?

I know Paul Foote was basically crowd walking through there. Yep. I'm not sure if he crowd surfed. I don't think he crowd surfed. And then there was like an impromptu karaoke session at the end yep good times

yes thanks once again very fun drunk cast we had nice little set pieces and little things set up

so it was I think it was a good show yeah I think so yep so thanks for coming everyone it's hard to know what people want out of that

but yes we're all just fucked by the end and it's chaos and it's stuff you're not going to get on an ep so I guess that's mission accomplished. Yeah, as long as there's nice little bits that aren't just –

I don't like the idea of getting up there and it's just like us going, oh, we're drunk. So we had little fun ideas and bits and pieces and whatever. And very nice of Will to lower himself down to our level. Once again. Yeah. Hanging out with the peasants. Yeah, stuff like that. Spending a bit of time level. Once again. Yeah. Hanging out with the peasants. Yeah. Stuff like that.

Spending a bit of time on Skid Row. Yes. So that was fun. Let's do it all again in about 46 weeks or so. Yeah. And yeah, shout out to our two first-time guests on this episode doing a great performance. Yes. Good to have these guys in.

Some of you who listen may have seen them at gigs or whatever or maybe saw their festival shows, so maybe you're excited to see their names pop up in the feed. But yeah, welcome to two new additions to the Dum Dum family. Yeah, Nina is great. You can see she's going to be great on this show. And Rathi, one of my favourite new stand-ups. Watched him a lot during the Comedy Festival,

and very, very funny man. Yeah, he got the Chandler kiss of approval. He did. He got the Comedy Festival equivalent of Carson welcoming him over to the desk. Yes. Totally. Absolutely. What a lucky boy.

Yeah, great fun. Great fun episode. And hopefully for those people that get a bit over too many live eps in a row, a nice little refresher. Yep. Nice little, what's the term again? Palate cleanser. Yes, no, sorbet.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's fun. But we're back, baby, next week with more live eps. Yep. So not too much of a sorbet. Yeah, great fun. Back, I guess, next week with London.

Yeah. Which, yeah, we haven't done yet. Yeah. Yeah, so. We don't even know next week with London. Yeah. Which, yeah, we haven't done yet. Yeah. We don't even know how it's gone. Yeah. It's going to be good. It will be good, yeah. So next episode will be our 450th, which

just happens to be in London. So that's something. Still time to fly over for it, guys, if you want to celebrate with us. Please. We're sold out, but come over. Come over. Yeah. Come over, whatever it is, two weeks ago. Yes.

Great. There's a time difference between London and the rest of the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably possible. Yeah, I think it might still be February back in Australia. Great. So you could make it by the time you do this. Perfect.

Get on to it, guys. Lovely. Like you said at the top of the show, little ad for Coastal Million Podcast Festival. Get in. There is still time. And of course, like every year, very keen to know the people that book in last. The latest.

Yeah. Yeah. If you're booking in now, cool. We want to hear about it. Yeah. It's a bold move to... If you're booking in a week out, we want to hear. Yeah.

Play chicken with this podcast festival if you like, but we want to hear about it. If you're turning up to the airport on June 10 and going, one please. And just looking up and asking the bloke at Flight Centre, is there any podcast festivals anywhere in the world? And just picking our one, thank you. Let us know about it. But the later you can. The earlier you can, the better for us.

But the later you can, I'm keen on knowing about it. Well, more like the earlier you can, the better for you because it's going to be a bit cheaper for you. Yes. I mean, I would say the later the better for us because that's funny. We get something out of it. We get content out of it. Yes. Fun. Looking forward to it. Great guests. At the end of the day, it. Absolutely. We get content out of it. Yes. Fun. Looking forward to it.

Great guests. At the end of the day, it's all about just having bums on sand. That's what we want. You don't have to... Don't say that because then people will get upset in case they go, oh, do we have to sit on the sand when we get over there? No, there are seats. There are seats.

They've got seats over there, guys. Don't worry. There are seats. We... I just... I've just been talking to the Ozo, the fabulous Ozo Chueng Samui, the host of the podcast festival, where you can get your deals with if you go to our website and check out all the passwords and all that sort of shit. Get onto that.

I have been dealing with them for our opening night party, and they've – I don't think I've talked about this yet, have I? We've got an opening night party over there. Are you jacking off under there? No. I'm in bed off under there? No. I'm in bed just for people at home. You are. I'm sitting on the end of your bed and you're in the bed under the covers. Yes.

I feel like fucking, what's his name, Charlie Bucket visiting his grandparents. Great. Yeah, great. Great. No, I'm in, well, my room in London, we're in London and my room's quite small. So there's, it's silly to not be on the bed. If we're not in the bed, we'll be in the toilet. If I tell you that I've got a golden ticket to comedy, are you going to leap out of bed

and start dancing? Yeah. I want to bring you with me. Why did that cunt stay in bed for so long if he could get out? Yeah. With four other people. Not, and the- Sick fuck.

This poor, Charlie's mother, just busting her ass to support these cunts. Meanwhile, this old fuck. Yeah. Like, oh, I get a bit of chocolate, do I? Up I get. Free chocolate? Oh, that's all I've been waiting for. What, you've been shitting in your own bed?

You could have gotten out, but just because of free chocolate. Fuck, what a cunt. Yeah, so anyway, the opening night party yeah so on the 11th on the uh june the 11th as soon as everyone gets there we will have an opening night party it's going to be on the beach uh the ozo chewing smoothie have hired a band yep and they sent me the video of the band and it's just it's great because what are they they're like are they a black sabbath cover band or something like that it's's like that, yes. Great. Because I kind of thought, oh, it's going to be like a reggae band, some sort of chilled out band or whatever.

And it's just these Thai guys playing Paranoid. Fuck yes. It's great. I can't wait. It's really great. You know what we should do? We should figure out some songs and do some karaoke with a live band. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll work that out. Yeah. We'll get a playlist for them to figure out what they can play. Well, yeah. Let's get from them what they.

Yes. And then say to the singer, thanks for coming, mate. Yeah. But fuck off for a bit. Yeah. Go and cool your heels. Go for a swim. Yes.

Exactly. Do some harmonies. What Black Sabbath song would you do? Oh, I don't know any of them Yeah, me either No, no more than that I looked at their videos They had a couple of Black Sabbaths

But it was all like You know, on the side of heavy rather than Right I get confused about which ones are Black Sabbath And which ones are just Aussie solo Yeah, yeah War Pigs is Black Sabbath, isn't it? Yeah, okay, I'll do War Pigs

I shotgun War Pigs Really? Do you know War Pigs Yes. Yeah, okay, I'll do War Pigs. I shotgun War Pigs. Really? Yeah. Do you know War Pigs? I don't. No, I'd have to learn the lyrics. Right. But I've got, you know, I've got a while.

Yeah. I've got a bit of travelling. I can just sit on the Eurostar and just be committing the lyrics to War Pigs to memory. I would say Paranoid would be the one that would be easier to sing. Sure, but, you know, I want to leave that open for you if you want it. Oh, okay. All right. I don't want to take the easiest one. Right. I want to leave that open for you if you want it. Oh, okay. All right. I don't want to take the easiest one.

I want a challenge. Okay. And I don't want to leave that for someone else. Right, right, right, right. I might take a song off their latest album when they put one out like three years ago that they absolutely will not know. And no one in the audience will know. No.

The band can barely play it. Yeah. Like they've just got the tab in front of them on a little, what are those little music holder things called? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that'll be heaps of fun. So that- I'd love it if that inspires people to buy tickets now.

Just all of a sudden numbers shoot up. Yeah. People sitting there, do go on. Do all just sing and Nick Cody. Yeah. A Black Sabbath cover band. Yeah. Fuck, finally. on. They were all just singing. Nick Cody. A Black Sabbath cover band. Fuck, finally.

That is a pretty cool thing to get the opportunity to do karaoke with a live band though. For sure. I don't know if you technically still call it karaoke, but it's something. Yeah. I think it's just singing. Sort of being in a band for a bit.

Wrecking everyone else's holiday. I can't wait to go at the start of next year to see I think it's just singing. Just singing. Yeah. Just sort of being in a band for a bit. Right, right, right, right. Wrecking everyone else's holiday. I can't wait to go at the start of next year to see Elton John do some Elton John karaoke at his concert. Man, he knows all the words. He's awesome. He's really good at this. So, I was talking to them and they're planning on setting up all the seats for it. So, it's like they're setting up like a concert. I was like, oh, you sort of don't need to do that.

So it's like a day on the green. Yes. Music festival for old cuts. A day on the white. Great. Is that what we're calling it? A night on the white. Yeah, a night on the white.

A night on the white. That's good. That sounds like that's a metaphor for something else. Yeah, that's another. Which, hey, maybe some people over there are into. Fine. Right. Yeah, I wouldn't, but yeah.

I wouldn't either, but, you know, to each their own. Yep. So that'll be fun. That'll be very fun. Yep. Looking forward to it. And then after that, basically, if we haven't said that before, basically we have an opening night party just because we know everyone gets there

and gets absolutely fuck-eyed first night in. Something we found out by accident the first year we went. We went, this is the way to do it. Tire people out.

Yes. So the next day, they're more up for a show because the first night, they do not want to listen to people sitting there talking. They want to get

upside down. And you know what? Tie Black Sabbath. They can fucking... They can cop it. They can cop that one. So yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com for all the info on that. There's a dedicated Koh Samui page on there where you can find links to the deal at the Ozo.

You can find links to get your tickets for the event. And keep checking the socials. For fuck's sake, hopefully we can confirm the exact lineup very soon. Yep. Yep. Many guests that still are yet to be confirmed. There's a couple of, yeah, there's a couple of loose. A couple of floaters.

A couple of floaters. Which is very frustrating in my humble opinion. July 27 in Sydney. We've got a huge show coming up. It's stand-up from both of us plus a live podcast that's selling very quickly. So get onto that. And then Newcastle the next day, which is sold out. Yep, yep.

Lovely. All right. Well, we get to the part of the show where we read out names from the slightly water-damaged unplanned title alternator, as you heard last week. Yep. Between customs and the inclement weather here, it has done an absolute number on the most sophisticated piece of our machinery here. Right. So the last time we recorded, it had just come back from Serbia, and it was shots that had damaged it.

Yeah. So you're saying now the shot's dried out, and now you've just left it in the rain, in the British rain. Well, you can't help it. The rain's everywhere. It rains inside you. Yeah, that's true. I did cop a bit of that last night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So, yeah, you can't help that over here. You didn't think to buy a little brolly and put that over the... But I mean, that's how bad the rain is. It even rains inside the umbrella. Yeah, yeah.

So I didn't think that. All I thought was I bought a bowler hat for it, but that wasn't big enough. Right, right. I only covered part of it. I will say, I'm looking at it now. It does look very cute sitting there in its little bowler hat. Yes, yeah. It looks cute, but it looks sodden.

Yep. It looks like the little robot from the Wallace and Gromit where they go to the moon. I don't know that one. Well, some people listening will, and they're fucking jacking their little dicks over it right now. Oh, nice. Oh, thank you for bringing that to the show. Okay, so once again, I believe we're working with a limited piece of technology. We're on borrowed time.

Capacity is severely diminished. Right. Yep. So we can only do... We can do even less than last week now. Even less than last week? Last week we didn't do that many at all, but this week we're doing even less.

So less than last week, so like 25 to 30? Nope. Less than that. Less than that? Less than that. 15 to 20? I don't know how to break this to you, Tommy. Less than that. Less than that. 15 to 20. I don't know how to break this to you, Tommy. Less than that.

14. Let's keep playing this game. Less than that. Chicken's fun. I'm looking at it now. I hope this truck hits me, to be honest. I gave it a test drive. Right.

Less than last week. We can only do five this week. So its capacity is already diminished, and you're doing test drives. Right. Less than last week. We can only do five this week. So its capacity has already diminished and you're doing test drives. Yes. You're burning good names on a test run. Sorry to everyone. Sorry to all the names that got spat out in that test run. Yeah.

If you're annoyed that you haven't been read out yet, that's where your name went. Yeah. Straight down the toilet. Yeah. You were an off cut. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry about that. But we do have some people who have made the grade this week.

Like I said, five. Unfortunately, we're not back for a few weeks yet. I promise I will get onto fixing this device and we'll get back to the hundreds of names we usually do. Get your little overalls on. Get on that little kind of skateboard thing and slide yourself under the unplanned title alternative.

Get the wrench out. Come out. Just carve it in grease. Give it up on the winch thing or whatever it is. Absolutely. Yeah. Get myself – get right under it and go, oh, I can see what the problem is here, mate. Yep.

Oh, it's not going to be cheap. Yeah, that's right. And then I come in and you're just – you're fucking rinsing me what the problem is here, mate. Yep. Oh, it's not going to be cheap. Yeah, that's right. And then I come in and you're just fucking rinsing me on the cost. Yeah, yeah. Just making up. Yeah. Making up parts that don't even exist in the unplanned title alternate. I want a second opinion.

Yeah. I don't know if my insurance will cover the excess on this. Yeah. All right, let's crack in. Yep. Number one out of, let's do one-fifth of our names this week. Okay. Wow.

That's a decent percentage. Yeah. To be honest. 20%. 20% of this part of the show is, thank you to Patreon subscriber Chris Mulhall. Mulhall. Mulhall. Look, it sounds appropriately English, I believe.

I guess. Given where we are. Hall. Look, it sounds appropriately English, I believe. I guess. Given where we are. But also, it sounds like, look, I don't know if we've spoken to this before, but some people have surnames that have derived from what their ancestors did for a living. I don't think we've ever talked about that on this continent.

Right. Okay. As a first time for everything. Right. It sounds like this guy, his ancestors were drug dealers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mull Hall.

Sounds like that's where they kept the mull. Yeah. That's a pretty bad place to keep it. Yeah. Just in the hallway. I can't imagine

there's much storage or it's in any way hidden should the authorities turn up. Well, I'm more thinking of like not hallway, hall. It doesn't say hallway, it says hall. Oh, it's in like way hidden, should the authorities turn up. Well, I'm more thinking of like, not hallway, hall. It doesn't say hallway, it says hall. Oh, as in like a big, like a... Yeah, a huge venue.

A huge venue. This guy's fucking serious. He's swimming in it. So maybe he's not English after all. Maybe this guy's like fucking South American or something like that. So it's a whole hall. So he's just swimming around in miles, like a Scrooge McDuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like a stoned Scrooge McDuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a stoned Scrooge McDuck. Yeah, yeah. Diving into marijuana out of the chimney and into this hall. I don't know if halls have chimneys, but maybe they do. I'm sure there'd be some out there. Yeah. Not a lot of halls are burning stuff within. True.

Although if you've got a hall full of marijuana, you want to... Oh, you're going to be blazing it up, brother. Yeah. You want the smoke to get out somewhere. Yeah, that would make a lot of sense then, to have a chimney and a hall full of marijuana. Yep. Good luck, Santa. Yep.

He'd be wanting to eat those fucking cookies by the time he got down the chimney. Oh, stone, Santa. Has this ever been done? Oh, that's a cool character. A great character. Oh, yo.. Has this ever been done? Oh, that's a cool character. A great character. Oh, yeah. Ho, ho, ho, dude. Really good.

That's good. That's a good character. I hate this. I hate this a lot. Yeah, Mulhall. I'm not into it, I've got to say. As an aide. You're not signing off on it?

Not into it. No, it's a no from me. Oh, okay. All right. Well, we'll withdraw that. Well, what do you think, Mulhall? Well, man,

I'm pretty positive on it since it inspired the great comedy character Stone Santa. Stone Santa. Fuck, get that on a... If we tried to pitch the worst sketch show,

like, you know, like people say, why don't you pitch a show or why don't you do this or whatever? Sure. It's fucking very hard to do that

in Australia. Yeah. So, and it would be very depressing because you're putting your best ideas up and people are just like giving you nothing.

Cheating on them. Yeah. Yeah, you can't really get, it's very rare in Australia if you can get anything up if you're not a name. Yeah. Because that's all

they're interested in to start with. Like, you need a head start somewhere for sure so i've two idiots that don't no one knows try to go walk in and go here's a great idea cool fuck off yeah so why don't we do this but just pitching shit ideas so that if they don't get up we're not annoyed that's not a bad idea but if you get a needle in the haystack and one just Hail Mary pass and it gets off, it's like, awesome, we've got a show and we've got to make it shit now. That would be pretty great.

What a great prison to be trapped in. So it's like we're making good TV money to do this idea that we hate, that we've deliberately pitched as being bad. And so we're kind of in hell. That would be pretty fucking sweet but as long as you got your headspace right where you like you're not even trying to make it good like right that sort of thing where notoriously on tv shows like the network or whoever come in and make notes and go no you should it should be more like this and they're making the show worse and we're

just going cool got any more ideas yeah yeah implement them all and like they're coming in and going oh change the punchline so it's not like this. It's not very funny. Here's my shit idea. Yeah, yeah. Great. Got any more? That would be great.

So we pitch it. When we're getting around to pitching, we have to delete this episode so that there's no paper trail. Right. So then we do the show, and the twist ending at the end of the series is us playing this recording going, guess what? This was meant to be bad all along. Right.

We've gamed you all. But by this time, it's rating like three million a week. We're superstars. Like, we've cracked the code. But we're getting abused by normal people. Yeah. Like, non-stop. You fucking, you think Stone Santa is funny?

Yeah. You fucking hacks. And also, the show is called The Deliberately Bad Sketch Show. And then the twist of the last episode is, guess what, guys? We hoodwinked you all. I'm not cool with giving it away. I just want to be shit. I do think that's a very funny name for a sketch show.

The Deliberately Bad Sketch Show. I would watch something like that if it's like, what fucking rot are they going to trot out this week? It'd be way funnier to not let anyone in on the joke and just do this really bad show. All right. Just to see who actually thinks it's good. Yeah. It would be fun.

What would you call a deliberately bad show? Well, we're doing sketch? Yeah. Okay. I mean, this is very rich coming from a show called Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah, so like a... I think you need to... It's got to be something a bit naff, a bit like...

Yeah, you need to sort of like say that you're funny in the title, I think. Like, you know, like funny PH as well, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The crack up or something. Something sort of lame like that where you sort of, it's just called. Like you shouldn't need to say I am funny, but that's what's good about it. That's not bad.

That's not bad. We are funny. We are funny. Funny fellas. Funny fellas. Funny fellas. That's not bad. There we go.

That's not bad. The funny fellas. Let's actually start. This would be great if we do a test run of some of the characters at a live show. We put on an event where we just run it by our audience. And then the next day, we're in at Channel 10 in a pitch meeting going, here it is. Stone Santa, I'm there in the full costume. You're dressed up as Rudolph.

I'm bumming you while I'm smoking an actual joint in this in-corporate HQ of Channel 10. Yep. Great. Having a panic attack because I've gotten some very strong weed. Yep. Santa with a big old doobie in his mouth going, oh, dude, this shit is naughty and nice. All right. So we've got Stone Santa.

What are some other ones? What are some other... I mean, Rad Dad could be in there. Yeah, for sure. That's the great hook for listeners of this. We get Rad Dad in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.

Rad Dad can totally be in. Yeah. Just play it straight. We've got dozens of scripts ready to go from across this show. Yeah, yeah. And then... If anything, weirdly, for the first time I think anyone's ever said this about Rad Day, we just need to make it a bit less funny.

A bit less effort put into the thing that we're often doing eight minutes before the show kicks off. Yeah. Right. That would be great. That's us with a TV show. It's five minutes till airtime and we're at Officeworks printing our scripts. Highlighting who's saying what.

Just ducking down from the studio. Great. Oh, man, this is great. Great. Okay, so funny fellas. Funny and fellas both with a PH. Oh, that's not bad. Great.

What if it's just the fellas with a PH? That makes no sense. Yeah, there we go. The funny fellas. Funny fellas. Yeah. And we say, no, no, it's pronounced that way. Yeah.

Absolutely confusing. And that's what we insist on in the pitch meeting. It's like, sorry, we won't budge on this one. It's what makes the show work. But you know what? Genuinely, this reeks of like in Seinfeld where George is like, I'm going to go do the opposite. And then it's like just pays off. this you know what just genuinely this reeks of like in seinfeld where george is like i'm gonna go do the opposite yeah and then it's like just pays like honestly i can see this being a whole new dawn for us yeah like this changes our lives yeah the funny fellas we could be the next chris

lily when it's like and then it like those news.com.au articles come up and go guys did you know that the funny fellas, the nation's sweethearts used to do this crummy little podcast back in the day? They were doing this shit thing that no one listened to, not making any money out of it. Now, I know you're about to see them perform their live show in London at the Wembley Arena. But did you know back in the day they used to do this shit little fake radio show and they did a 90-seat venue in Islington. Great.

I feel very good about this. I'm very excited about Funny Fellas. Yeah. I'm soaking up the last shit hotel room I'll ever have to hire. Is this the golden ticket thing where you leap out of bed and start dancing around the room? This is – I'm now not feeling too bad about living in absolute squalor. This is both current and nostalgic to me at the moment. You'll look back on this with fondness one day.

Fuck. I didn't know how good I had it. Back when it was easy to not get swamped. Exactly. Walking around in London without... Because funny fellas will kick off big in London. Oh, we'll be doing it on the West End for just months, months on end. Years round.

From Westgate to West End. Funny Fellas. The Funny Fellas. Oh, God damn. I can't wait to be massive. Me either. I am massive just thinking about it. Oh, that's going in.

That's got to be in the script somewhere. All right. Well, let's have a think and we can slowly drip feed some ideas for other great comedy characters into the mix. Great. Great. What a formality. Thanks, Chris. Yep.

Oh, fuck. Chris, he's got to be... Is he a co-creator now? Yeah, I think he is. Shit. I forgot we'd even started this. He's our silent partner. Right.

Thank you to... Oh, that could be a sketch. Silent partner. Why's your partner silent? Got a bloody mouthful, doesn't she? Right. So, we're pitching for like a 10pm time slot here. So, we're going raunchy.

Is that what the idea is? We're going bawdy? Hey, this is just... This is not... We're not filming it right this second. Right. Maybe that sketch might... Oh, this is a writer's room meeting.

Maybe that could be on the live show when we tour at Mrs. Brown's Boys style or whatever. I've never seen one second of Mrs. Brown's Boys. I've seen... I have no idea what the fuck it is. Yeah, you do. I don never seen one second of Mrs. Brown's Boys. I've seen... I have no idea what the fuck it is. Yeah, you do. I don't. Yeah, but... Is it an old...

You do. It's a guy pretending to be an old woman. Yeah. That's it? Yes. Okay. But it's like all full of that stuff. Like, I haven't seen an episode, but I've seen the ads and I've seen...

I think I sat there for like under five minutes once and watched it and went, well, this is exactly what I thought it was. Right. Which is just a bloke dressed as an old woman and people setting him up and going, oh, is there something burning? Oh, probably just my menopause fucking and my flaps being on fire. Great. Whatever.

I like it. Yeah. Oh, look, it's not as funny as the funny fellas and not as coarse. It's not as funny as The Funny Fellas and not as coarse. It's one of those weird things where it's massive, but you describing that then, that's the most I've ever heard someone talk about watching it. I've never met a single person who's seen it or really knows what it is.

But he does arenas when he comes in. It's just one guy when he does the live shows, or is it like a cast thing? For the kids out there, don't say that it's a girl. Sorry, boys and girls. Uncle Tommy was being a bit silly there. He was pitching a funny sketch for his show Funny Fellas. Yeah, imagine if Mrs. Brown was a boy and that sketch is called Mr. Brown's Boys.

What a very funny show. Great, great. That's great. A woman dressed up as an old man called Mr. Brown. That would be great if it was the bloke dressed up as Mrs. Brown and then putting male prosthetics on top of that. Mrs. Brown's trying to be a boy. Right.

Right. Right. That would be good. That's good. Maybe that's a character. Yep. Name number two. Thanks, Chris.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Alex Ettling. Ettling. Interesting stuff. It is interesting, isn't it? I don't mind it. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Alex Etling Etling? Hmm Interesting stuff It is interesting isn't it? I don't mind it I'm confused Double T

Yep Double T-F-M E-T-T-L-I-N-G Etling Etling Seems like a mistake to me So not a fully grown Et No not yet

Just a small like a baby Et Yes Etling Yes that's right It's Like a If If E.T. came back If they You know rebooted E. Yes. An etling. Yes, that's right. It's like a... If E.T. came back, if they rebooted E.T. and it was like... Right, baby E.T.

We've got to get it for the kids. People are too old watching E.T. We want to dumb it down a bit for the little kids. An etling. Do you think when this person turns 18, they'd get rid of the ling? Now they're an adult. Oh, that's the rite of passage. They're an et.

Yeah. It's like, what are they? Like certain... Are there certain like species of animals or whatever where their, like, tails drop off or they get their ears clipped or whatever the fuck it is? Oh, I don't know. Does anyone else have, does any other animal get baby teeth? I don't know. Hmm.

Why would I know that? I don't know. Like, different people know different things. That's true. Yeah. Wow, that? I don't know. Different people know different things. That's true. Yeah. Well, that's very profound. Yeah. That's the sort of rot that will not be welcome in the funny fellas.

I'm Googling it now. Yeah. Do any other animals... Get baby teeth. I would say... Do any other animals cry comes up first? I would think they do. I would think they get baby tears.

Crying, I don't... Well, crying, yeah. Dogs cry. Do they really? No, they don't cry, I guess. They whimper, but they don't tear up. Fuck, I love the suggestions that come up. I put in, do any other animals, and the other suggestions are,

do any other animals have periods? Straight away. Which I'm more tempted to look up. Busting to find out. Yes. What was the original question? Do any other animals... Get baby teeth.

Have baby teeth. I've got a wisdom tooth that I've got to get out when we get back from this. Do any other animals get morning sickness? Great question. Yeah. Fuck, I want to know all of these now. Yeah.

Is this just going to turn into the National Geographic podcast? Yeah. In fact, most mammals have two sets of teeth in their lifetime. They're born toothless because their initial food source is their mother's milk, and they develop baby or deciduous teeth as they wean, then permanent teeth as they mature. Okay, so plenty of them do. All right, let's get back to do any other animals have morning sickness?

Do any other animals have morals? Fuck, I love this. Wow. Let's make this the show. How the fuck would you gauge that? Let's make this the show now. They just leave wallets on buses and put a lizard there and see what the lizard does. The lizard hands it back or not.

And then if the lizard hands it back, but the 20 that was in it is missing. It's like, okay. That's a great idea for a pod, the Autofill podcast, where it's like someone sends in a question, but you don't answer that question. You put it in to Google.

And look for a better one. No, this is the first thing that it autofills. You answer that question instead. I don't mind if you, like exactly what we just did, you put a question in but if you find a better question,

you roll with that one. Send in your questions, guys. Yeah, send in shit questions that we won't answer or find a better one for. Let's add another new

hour to this podcast every week. Do pregnant animals get morning sickness? Many pregnant animals display symptoms similar to those experienced by pregnant women

but not enough research has been done to determine whether pregnant animals suffer from actual morning sickness. All right. Well, that doesn't really… What do we do? Let's do this for the next Patreon we do. Send us your questions, and we'll do the autofill.

We'll do the autofill podcast. Okay. All right. We can do a whole ep of just that. Yeah. Trying to find answers to people's questions, and then also trying to find better questions than the ones we got asked. Totally.

So send us your queries about life and the universe and nature. Don't make them silly. Make them stuff that you're genuinely interested in. Yes. And then we'll see what else Google has to say about it. Yeah. And make it quick because, as we all know, we are about to take a fast train to the fucking stars with the funny fellas.

Yeah, exactly. So we won't have a lot of time once we're in production. Thanks, Alex. Thanks, Alex. Thank you to Patreon subscriber third for this week. Interesting name. Erica Steele. Now, we talked the other week about thinking that we had a penthouse pet name in the mix.

Now, this is... Oh, you think this is... This is... Really? Erica Steele. Right. Are you kidding? Well, I kind of think, you know, Steele, that goes with sort of males more than females.

Because Steele's sort of like a hard surface like a hard product and i think male porn stars would use that yeah but i but i can definitely see i can see it being a female porn star thing where it's like you know she's a real boss bitch right you know like a real like she's a she's a dom basically oh really yeah yeah wow erica steel xxx she's like all her videos are like a guy a fucking chubby little fuck right balding little fuck oh sorry i'm looking in the mirror this is this sounds like some sort of proposal that you're making through the podcast he's just tied up he's getting he's getting you know the hot wax dripped on him wow um he's being called

a whole bunch of derogatory slurs right Right. And that's Erica Steele. Right. Bringing out the whip and all that sort of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we pause for three to four minutes? So you can take care of your Steele. Well, that's a very interesting diagnosis you've made there because I've met Erica Steele. Oh, God.

So I know who she is. Okay. She tied you up. She hasn't displayed any of those things in front of me. Right. What has she displayed? Well, I'll tell you what she displayed. Okay.

She is another of our listeners in Melbourne that drive a tram. Oh, yes. I've met this person. Yes. She drives a tram and uh which is a bit of a freak out because a couple of times she drove past me and was just dinging the bell non-stop and i'm like what the fuck is happening here what am i doing wrong like what's what's the truth and like i wasn't walking in front of the tram or anything yeah ding ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm like, what?

Am I walking on the fucking footpath the wrong way? What am I fucking doing? And then I got a message like straight after going, hey, that was me. I was driving a tram and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like going, oh, that's cool. But then I was like, hang on. That was like two minutes ago. I'm pretty sure you're still driving a tram.

Yeah, yeah. What are you messaging me for? I had almost the same experience all right walking to the gym except the tram had i was waiting to cross the tracks the tram had stopped and it wasn't at a stop it was well before the stop it stopped and i'm like waiting for it to go past because i'm like well it's right there and it's like dinging wildly at me and i'm like yeah just go like why am i being i'm not on the tracks i'm waiting for you to go yep dinging wildly and i'm like what the fuck is going on here and then i look and there's this no offense erica deranged woman just waving at me from behind the window like and mouthing and it's like i i've kind of learned um to lip read but

just one specific phrase hey mate yeah i'm like oh yeah yeah cool good on you and all i could think was what the fuck do the passengers on the train think of this love it just me and my gym gear just standing there being assaulted by the driver of this tram yeah um much appreciated yeah very much appreciated um so yeah good on you, Erica. Yes. I guess that was – I guess subconsciously what I've done there is the feeling of being stopped in the street and violently dinged at. Right. Sort of like a dom-sub thing. Right. You know, that's sort of like a bit of an equivalent of –

She assaulted your senses. She did, yeah. Yeah, and you loved it. The loud ringing in my ears was like the hot candle wax stripping onto my chest. Right. The stripping the little fibers out of your eardrums was like ripping the hairs off your chest with the wax. Yeah. And then she hopped out of the tram and pegged me violently.

Wow. Thanks, Erica. That's cool. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Wow. I don't think we've ever had a name like this. Thank you to Patreon subscriber

Benita Garten. When you say a name, you just mean we've never had this name before? Well, that first name, or the last name. Benita. My mum has a very good friend called Benita. Really?

Is her last name Garten? That'd be cool if one of your mum's friends subscribed to our podcast. Benita. Benita. My mum has a very good friend called Benita. Really? Mm. Is her last name Garten? Hmm. Because that'd be cool if one of your mum's friends subscribed to our podcast. He's really into it. That would be very funny. There are some friends of my, I think there's one or two friends of my dad who listens. People that used to work with my dad. Right.

Yeah. Who listen now. And anytime he... So the same age as your dad or younger? No, no, younger. Oh, really? But just know him very well from working alongside him for like a number of years. Really?

Yeah. So what age bracket would they be in? I would say 30s, 40s. Okay. Yeah. We'd love to hear from you, colleague of Colleague of Mr. Allsop. That is strange, though, to work with this old-ass man, and he, I guess, maybe has mentioned it or something,

and then they've gone looking it up. Yeah. And then all of a sudden they're hearing their colleague's 30-year-old son just being filthy every week. Yeah. Oh, and your dad popping up writing a porno on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%.

Is there any pornos coming down the line? Do you want one? He wants to do one for Koh Samui. Oh, okay. Yeah. He's very keen to be involved in Koh Samui. Just edit them. We just need you.

There needs to be someone in between in the assembly line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There needs to be, you know, even with the greats, there's editors involved. Yeah, yeah. We need a little bit of a touch of that. The ghostwriter. I've given him some pointers for stuff to focus on if we're going in Samui. Right.

But yeah, we can bring it back. We can bring back that segment. Right. Okay. All right. Well, thanks, Benita. Thanks Right. Okay. All right. Well, thanks, Benita. Thanks, Benita. All right.

I guess we've got one more to go for this week. Have we done four already? That was four. This is the fifth one. Yeah. Chris Mulhall, Alex Etling, Erica Steele, Benita Garten. Yeah, I'll be damned. You're absolutely right.

Yeah. So we've only got one left. Okay. absolutely right. Yeah. So we've only got one left. Okay. All right. What? Here comes number five. Is this the water damage taking a while to spit this last one out? Well, I mean, this is really weird.

This is really weird. Because of the water damage and whatever, I'm not sure if I'm dreaming this or not. Well, you are in bed. You could be dreaming right now. Yeah. Yeah. This is – this may have mixed up. You know what?

Okay, I get it. I think I'm starting to understand this. Right. I was trying to charge this through my laptop and I think some information has got mixed up in here somewhere. It's like when you plug your phone into the laptop and like iPhoto pops up automatically. Yeah, a bit like that. Right.

Because I've got some, I was working, while you were talking before, I was working on some scripts for our show, Funnyfellas. You are one of the great multitaskers. Yeah, totally. I think that maybe this might be the answer here, but maybe this is seeped through because either that or one of my characters for The Funny Fellas has come to life. Right, already. Already. Right.

I mean, okay, interesting. This may be just a massive coincidence. Yep, yep, yep. So it's all connected because the unplanned title alternate connects to the cloud and everything could have just gotten jumbled up in the same matrix. It could be a massive coincidence. So please, if this is a coincidence, I'm sorry for thinking that your name is funny or whatever. Whatever you think I'm trying to imply here.

But you're saying it might also be one of those characters come to life. So it's up to you. You can either believe in coincidences or you can believe in real life magic if you're listening to this. Or water damage if you want to believe in that. Or just absolutely scientific. The thing is water damage, so it's just that. Yes.

Mix up in the cloud. Okay. Well, and if this is real, then I don't know whether I have to drop the character or we make a deal with them for the lease of their name or whatever it is. Anyway. Almost ready to read the name out. Is there anything you haven't quite explained yet? Is there any more information or backstory that we need before we hear the name?

I'm just always trying to paint the picture in people's minds and not rely on too much assumed knowledge. Look, I think it'll probably speak for itself. You think people have enough information now to handle this name? Well, I kind of think in this show you need to be pretty broad and people need to know exactly what's going on in the sketches so there can be no sort of ambiguities. Yep. I think housekeeping is here.

Housekeeping is here. Do you want me to deal with that? Sorry. No, we're all good. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. We're just recording a podcast and doing a Patreon feed, so yeah, thank you.

I think they understood that. Thanks, housekeeping. All good, thank you. I love how often in the last three weeks the show has been interrupted by phone calls and housekeeping. That really does seem like a sketch. Housekeeping. All right.

Are we ready? All right. Now, no more interruptions. Right. No more getting sidetracked. All right. Look, let's get down to brass tacks. Yes.

So you were writing a sketch. Yes. Anyway, we've explained all of that. Let's just read out the name. Sure, let's go. I mean, it's not let's, it's just you, because I don't have the name in front of me. I'm sitting behind the unplanned title of this. I can't see the screen.

Look, one little bit of explanation before we read this out. Sure, sure, go, go, go. So I think there's three names to this person. It's not hyphenated. I think the last name, it doesn't seem very much like a last name to me. I think the last name is the name of the folder that came out in the cloud, I think.

If that makes any sense. Do you think that makes sense? Because it couldn't possibly be a last name. We've never had this before. Right. Is this the plot to Weird Science? So when you hear the third name, the last name, I think that that's the name of the folder that this has been plucked out of. Right. This really is freaky stuff.

Right. I think this is... Look, you're a good judge of this. You can be the person at home. Thank you. Let this hit your ears. I'm hearing it fresh. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sort of... Yeah, I'm taking the role of the listener in this. If what I think is true, the first two names is the name of the character. The second, the third name is the folder it came out of. The character came out of. And they've been merged together. Yeah.

Those two separate things to create one real person who donates money to us every week. Apparently. Apparently. Anyway. Allegedly. We'll work this out. Let's see. You be the judge.

I'll be judged during an execution. I'm confused. I've made a theory. Let's see. You be the judge. I'll be judged during an execution. I'm confused. I've made a theory. Let's see what you think. You've got hypothesis. Yeah. Scientifically backed up. Yep.

Okay. Okay. Thank you to patron subscriber JewishHitlerComedy. What do you think? Can we get some fresh towels in here, please? Because I've cummed my pants. What do you think? Now, I don't think that's a real person.

I think that that's come from the comedy folder. Oh, I thought it came out of your Hitler folder. No, no, no, no. A character called Jewish Comedy. So that's come out. I think that that's a good character for... Jewish Hitler. Yeah, what if...

Right. Yeah, what do you think? To be honest, I think this is something you're pitching for Funny Fellas. I'll have nine bagels, please. What do you think? For the listener at home, he did the hile. He did the hand. He did the hand.

Can I be completely honest? Yes, please. I think for funny fellas. We're both in this. I think it's a little bit highbrow. I'm right. It requires a very broad understanding of history. Right.

And I think the people that we're trying to target with this show will just be a bit sort of confused by it. Right. Okay. What's with that little moustache? I've never seen anything like it. So what, he's got the moustache, but then he's also got the, what are they called? The dreidels. The curls.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Is it dreidels? No, it's not dreidels. The dreidels are a little toy, but we can work that in. Yes. Yeah, the little curls. The little curls.

Yes. And the yamuka. Yamuka, yeah. Yamuka. Yeah. I always say yamuka. Yeah, yamuka and the moustache. I don't know enough about it because there were a couple of gentlemen in the line in front of me at passport control the other day.

I guess they're Hasidic where they've got not the Yamaka but like the full hat. Right. And they've got the curls and then the suit and everything. It seems like a pain in the ass to go on a flight in. Yeah. But I'm picturing it more as that sort of style. The full kit. Yeah.

And then the moustache. Right. Oh, and I guess the armband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This might be the most offensive thing we've ever said on the show. Yeah, I know. If I know anything about anything, is that when you bring up this sort of stuff, people don't like this.

No. But anyway. But it's just got spat out by the... you were just – you weren't going to read this out. No. You would have brought this up in a pitch meeting, this character, and I would have gone, I think it's a bit much. Yeah. But then before – and that would have happened in private. That wouldn't have happened on the air.

And also, this still could be a real person. This could be a real person. Which is not our fault. It could be a glitch in the cloud. Yeah. Neither of which is our fault. Yeah. If you had sat there and just cooked that up and read it out, you'd be one of

history's greatest monsters. Yeah. But it didn't. Exactly. And if you like it, let us know and we'll put it in the mix for the funny fellas. So, if you think it's got legs, for sure, we'll run with it. Great. Perfect. Alright. Thanks, Jewish. Thanks, Jewish. Fucking hell. got legs for sure we'll we'll run with it great perfect all right thanks jewish thanks all right guys thanks everyone thanks for supporting the show

um get onto little dumdum club.com if you'd like to find a link to the patreon if this feels like something that you'd like to chip into and say thanks. We will see you somewhere out there in the big wide world. Get onto littledumbdumbclub.com. Grab a ticket to an upcoming live show. This is the Funny Fellas signing off for another week. Thanks very much for listening. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates.