The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 450 - Live! Russell Howard, Nick Capper & Gordon Southern

Episode Date: May 21, 2019

We're celebrating our big 450th episode by kicking off a sold-out run of shows in London! We've got a few classic fish out of water observations and then we welcome the man of the hour: NICK CAPPER, fresh off the back of his incredible odyssey of a journey to the United Kingdom. We also have GORDON SOUTHERN on hand to help us make sense of Capper's appearance and RUSSELL HOWARD pops in to make good on his financial obligation from the last time he was on! PLUS we delve into our eventful excursion to Liverpool to watch the football! Don't forget, we have a heap of live shows coming up:KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16. SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode recorded live in London with special guests Russell Howard, Gordon Southern and Nick Capper. This is a great episode. You guys are really going to enjoy it. It's the 450th episode spectacular of the Little Dum Dum Club. We have a bunch of live stuff coming up near you if you live in Koh Samui or if you live anywhere else, you can come and join us June 11 till 16. or if you live anywhere else, you can come and join us June 11 till 16. Come and watch us do a bunch of podcasts on the beach. Tickets for that and all the information, littledumbdumbclub.com slash Koh Samui. There is still time. Come along.

There is still time. We cannot stress enough this is the last Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Yep. Come check it out. But meanwhile, enjoy this episode recorded live in London. Hey! Comfort! Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dazzalo and sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Hi Dickens. Welcome to the 450th episode of Little Dumb Dumb Club. Back where it all began. Like really originally.

Back where Australia began, really. Back when, 230 years ago when the Chandlers were banished from England, sent as convicts for stealing a loaf of bread to make a duck sandwich. The convicts are back, baby, and ready to commit some crimes against comedy. So straight on. If it was 230 years ago after this show, I think we would be sent to Australia. Yes, yes. Because you're, I mean, you're named Aslo, obviously you're from Italy. It was 230 years ago after this show I think we would be sent to Australia Yes Because your name Dastlo

Obviously you're from Italy But your maiden name Allsops So that's very English It's extremely British Do we have any Allsops in the house? Fuck I thought you were desperate Anyone from Britain in the house?

Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if these were all Australians Actually how many Australians are here? Fuck off. What is the point? That wasn't too many. How far back do you know much of your English heritage? I know nothing about it. Also very English.

It is a very English name. I'm sorry, man, that's all I can give you. All right. Believe it or not, we workshopped this bit for three hours or something. It's like paying dividends. All I know is that the Chandlers had a hat factory over here. Right. Yeah.

So, you're welcome. Thank you. Thank you on behalf of bald men everywhere. Thank you very much. I've got a pretty British head, I reckon. No offence. He's you. This is you.

Round and not much hair on it. This is very much you I reckon. Yeah, I'm in pretty bad. It is great to be from Australia to come back here and go, oh we got punished by going to Australia. Suck shit you guys that didn't get punished. It's not bad over there. When you come back here, it's like me going, stealing a

Mars bar here and someone going, now you have to go to Thailand. It's pretty sweet. You should come. It's good. Thank you to the dozens and dozens of British listeners who've messaged me asking if I'd like cocaine while I'm here. I very much appreciate having that sort of stuff in the DMs as I'm turning up the passport control. I could get off of that once.

Would you like some? I've got some hookups if you want. DM me. Including a guy just on our Facebook page going, anyone want Coke today at the show? How is my life? What else? What are your initial impressions of England, Tommy, when we got here? Pretty wet so far. Pretty rainy.

Oh, right. Thanks for clearing that up. I've been coming a lot as well. Yeah, yeah. I bought an umbrella the other day. I got caught in the rain, and the guy, it was just one of those, like, kind of, like, sort of dodgy sort of shops, and the guy's like,

I'm looking at it, and he's trying to give me the upsell. It's like, great umbrella this, mate. It's waterproof. Yeah, no shit, mate. Fucking umbrella. I've got, I hired a room. Like, online, it looked good. It looked like I was going to live above a room. Like, online it looked good. It looked like I was going to live above a hotel.

Like, above a pub. And I was like, sweet, I'll just go downstairs for dinner and for drinks and whatever it is. Apparently an inn is not like a pub. It's just like a shithole, apparently, over here. So I'm staying in this place that has no right angles in any way. Like, if you drop something, you won't see it within 10 seconds.

Like, everything is on a fucking angle. If you spill something, it actually doesn't matter. It's someone else's problem. You're studying in an Escher painting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It spills water on the floor and then it's on your head. Yeah.

If I do anything wrong, it doesn't matter. It's someone else's problem. But if someone else fucks up just above me, it's my problem. Right. Yeah, you are staying in a bit of a shithole. Yes, thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Oh, did you design it?

No. I chose it, though. I, on the flight over here, I was sitting next to this guy, and my flight was at like 9.30 at night, and then an hour into the flight, they bring around dinner. Who the fuck's relying on that as a meal? And so I go, oh, no, none for me, thanks. And then the guy next to me leans over to the flight attendant

and goes, can I get his meal then? And she goes, oh, okay. And then this guy just sits here and eats two meals before anyone else has finished their one. This is my new favourite guy. Speaking of meals, I'm interested in what one. This is my new favourite guy. Speaking of meals, I'm interested in what constitutes a meal here in England as well. Have you had a meal deal here?

Have I had a meal deal? Yeah. What a meal deal is here is apparently it's a sandwich, it's a drink, and a packet of crisps. Oh, right. That's not too far off what it is back at home. No, but no one says... Without the packet of crisps. Well, that's my point. Yeah. I'm not bringing up going, check out these cunts

with their sandwiches. No, but you said... That's why I put it last. Yeah, yeah, but you said, have you had a meal deal in some kind of sly way, as if that's like a happy ending or something? No, no, no. No. Crisps as part of... Well, that's the annoying thing as well

because they call it crisps and it's like we call it chips back home. Like, these idiots, they won't call them chips where clearly you're supposed to call them chips. Yeah. And hot chips as chips,

thus confusing everyone. Yeah. Yeah, you're fucked over here. Yeah. We're really wearing them down. Like, people are just going, how much more abuse are we going to cop

for paying to come and see these assholes? Giving up our weekend for this rot. Usually comedians go, oh, the difference between this and this is this. But we put on the end of it, and you guys are cunts. So that's the way we do it. But we got suggested that, you know, everything's very expensive. Like, I think the things we figured out is the beer.

Like this show. Part of the problem, baby! This is foreign. Now they're tuning against us. Yeah. This is an import tax that you've paid. Stinging for VAT on the way out, mate. So, uh...

Sorry, I just realised I didn't know what that meant. So, yeah, the advice we got given is that... Like, everything's so expensive, all the meals. We've gone to pubs and it's fucking pretty expensive. But people told us you need to go to those places, you know, like supermarkets that have got the cheap sandwiches and stuff like that. Tesco's and stuff.

Yeah, all that sort of stuff. Do you guys have that here? Yeah, yeah. So I've been eating all my meals out of boots. Yeah, get him! Look at this fish out of water. I've been eating all my sandwiches at boots and eating there every day, which is, to me,

insane to go home and go, oh, me? Yeah, over in England, I ate all of my meals at Chemist's. Just sounds like, oh, great, well, I hope you enjoyed your aspirin for dinner. The pharmacy's over there. Bellissimo. If you smash your head on a table and get hungry,

you are fucking in for a treat, guys. So when people, when you, fucking in for a treat, guys. So when people, when you, like, coming over here, people say that one of the main things you should do to try and beat jet lag is to not drink. So we landed and started drinking within maybe an hour of being in the country. And then once we had our dinner of aspirin, fuck, we were in trouble.

Should we talk about this? We went out on the first night and we ended up meeting up with a listener. Oh, yeah. From a guy. Is he here? Good. Great stuff.

Won't come to a show, but he'll come and fucking get a beer off us. Nice. And he can get a one-on-one for free. Yeah. So he came in. So we met him in Australia. We haven't seen him for a while. He's lived over here for a little bit.

Yeah, he's a helicopter pilot. He's a helicopter pilot in the army back at home. And then he moved over here and we got here on the 25th of April. He had been at an Anzac Day function. So we tell him, we were with friends having dinner and we said, oh yeah, come by. We were all kind of talking and so we didn't notice

him come in. We all of a sudden hear, g'day dickheads, and we look up and it's this cunt in the full fucking regalia. Like he's got full's got Like in the officer In a gentleman outfit Like the full white suit And everything It's like honestly

I've never Felt more like Fucking a man It was It was genuinely impressive Like girls I get it now So he

Yeah so he hangs out with us He's in this pilot's outfit for the whole night and then Jetlag hits us pretty hard and it was pretty bad. He'd just bought a round and we're like too fucked. We couldn't make it through our pints. So we're like, really sorry man, we've got to go home. We are crashing so hard.

You then fall asleep standing up on the tube on the way back to the hotel. And then my friends hung around with this guy at the end of the night and my friend was like, yeah, I sat there chatting with him, just thinking, oh, I'll just be polite while he finishes his pint. He finishes his pint, then he moves on to the two pints that we left behind. That is our

country's first line of defence. The Anzacs fought and died for us to be able to drink other people's dregs. Do you not have dregs. So, yeah. Do you not have dregs here? All right, hey, so we come all the way over from Australia. We also drag someone else all the way over from Australia.

Well, basically, you guys dragged him all the way from Australia. Now, someone sent us a message and went, why don't you bring Kappa over? And we were like, that's a fucking stupid idea. And then he was like, well, what if everyone crowdfunded? And I'm like, that's still a stupid idea but then you still did it anyway. So it's the guy who messages that here. No one's here. Right.

Good. Are there any fans of us in this room? It's just all random. Yeah, yeah. Did you think something else was on? So everyone crowdfunded it for for for our guest to come over but he had to come over whilst what they set him tasks basically to come over the worst way possible to go halfway around the world and back again and then come here uh he had to

uh what straighten his hair he had to put lipstick on all the way around he had to have eye shadow on he had to go up to strangers and ask them for massages. All this sort of stuff. Anyway, who the fuck was the guest again? Yeah, look,

I reckon let's show not tell. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club Nick Capa. Hey guys, apologies, I got here as quick as I could I now know the word for weirdo in eight different countries got here as quick as I could. I now know the word for weirdo in eight different countries.

People at home, he's just dressed how he's normally dressed. There's no visual difference in the room. We made a man dress like a conductor. Do you guys have Andre Rieu here? Do you know who that is?

I think I look like Andre Rieu fucked Marilyn Manson. You look more like Andre P.U. Andre Rude. Who wants an Andre Rude after the show? It's quite an experience thank you for being a big ass man to go through

should we have an interval just so people can get used to this image it's very hard to continue we need to paint a picture for people at home so Capper he's got the full tuxedo

with tails with tails which is which is so much of a you know it's less James Bond and more someone shit. I don't know.

I don't know. It takes all the, like, you know, the high class affair out of the tux. It just makes you look like you're in the wrong place. That's what it looks like. Because I've got my hair straightened beautifully by a lady at a Caribbean hair salon. Because you need to keep getting it straightened because your hair is a fucking nightmare. It is, it is.

And I had to keep straightening it. And Linda did a great job. So you've got the full eyeshadow on, you've got lipstick on. Yeah, yeah. I've got everything. And I've got an earring that my you've got lipstick on. Yeah, yeah. I've got everything. And I've got an earring that my dad paid $100 for me to wear. I, my relationship is hanging on by a thread.

Oh, man. Have you ever thought of getting a job? Because companies will pay you just as much money to not humiliate yourself around the world. We just got to watch half an hour ago your girlfriend over Skype giving you a makeup tutorial and it was like, fucking hell, man. If she doesn't leave you after this, there's something wrong with her. Like, honestly.

One of the tips I overheard was your girlfriend saying to you, don't you fucking know where your eyes are? Yeah. She's like, don't put the mascara on your pupil. She's a complete moron. She's not even attractive. Doesn't know how to put make-up on. No, I wasn't being sarcastic.

I'm not backing down. She is an ugly hag. All right. No, no, she's very... I wouldn't say she's out of your league. I'd say you're playing different sports. I'm curling and she's playing soccer. You're uncurling. Don't call her ugly.

How dare you talk about one of our fans like that? Yeah, so I've got... But it started to unravel and I was in Vienna and I was wearing these tails and my hair was all over the place. Plus I had stubble and I was wearing makeup. So I just looked like Beethoven homeless. All right, we've got heaps of guests on, so let's crack on. Sure, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club

Gordon Southern wherever you like hello finally I love that who the fuck's this hi it's a hard act to follow

to be fair yeah I'm Nick's stylist. Pretty happy with how it turned out. This is how we do comedy in Australia. We pay open micers to dress up and then leave the country. And then crowdfund their humiliation. Yeah, yeah. I love that you've got the

half of lager, which is pretty... That's the weird thing you thought about Capper's appearance, isn't it? No, because you're thinking, he's walked out like, no, no, this is an Australian martini. Look, it's smaller. You're sophisticated.

It is strange, though, to get that size beer when you're dressed like that. Like you're going, now, I don't want to go crazy, obviously. I'm going to bring some class to this occasion. Little finger, little finger. Gordo, when you saw me at the back, you were like, hey, do you mind if I take a photo of you?

I'm sure you won't look like this again. If you don't know Nick, in real life, he's got a sort of hair bear bunch afro and a flannel t-shirt. Picture Tom Cruise with an afro. Pretty much the most handsome dude you've ever seen top cunt risky gone out of business

the last Samia why mission impossible getting a paid gig it's good that he's got such a big filmography. We could do this for an hour, I reckon. Cocktail. No tail.

Point break. Fuck. I'm at breaking, point breaking point. Good one, man. You got a pun out of a film he wasn't in. And he just said point break. That's just naming a film.

Yeah, yeah. I like this game. And that's just saying what I said. He was involved with it somewhere. I don't know. It was on the camera or something. No film. All right.

So anyway, what we said was it was all crowdfunded. No film Alright so Anyway What we said was It was all crowdfunded Heaps of different Listeners Had different requests Who paid for your lipstick? Was that Brett Blake?

Or who was that? Brett Blake paid Forty dollars for me To wear lipstick All the time Yep And your hair Was

That was like Five hundred bucks Paid for By Russell Howard Russell Howard? Yeah Please welcome to the stage The man that made his hair like that, Russell Howard!

Woo! I got a slice of pizza. Oh! Oh! Oh, thanks, man. Look at that. Look at that. Jesus Christ.

I got some crepes. It's true to character. It's good, man. Jack, reach around. Nice. Bonus points for that being a movie that he's actually in. Jack Reach Around Nice Bonus points for that being a movie that he's actually in because the game had changed

just before you got up here Now you'll have to count that because it was 500 Aussie dollars Yeah But I've got 200 quid and some Dubai Durham's He would have taken the crepes

Don't worry. And I've got coffee back there. Oh man, yeah. I was happy with the crepes. I didn't think you were going to pay the money. Anyway. We know there's been a back story to this. Because Carl was saying

that literally minutes after we'd had the podcast where I said I'd pay the money you would text him going, where's the fucking money? So I was like, well, I'll fucking make him one. It wasn't that I wanted the money. I wanted to know if you were actually going to do it. Of course.

You can't fucking make someone straighten their hair, dress up like James Bond, just on a whim. I'm kind of like the opposite to James Bond. Just on a whim. I'm kind of like the opposite to James Bond. James Bond, licensed to go through bins. Licensed to look cool

in economy. He's walking through economy and they're like, who's this cunt? It's like, yeah, my job. It's so funny. Since 80D. For the first time in my life, you know when the...

Put that down, you fucking maniac. I know it's the first time you've held that much money, but could you put it down, please? It used to be how they signed footballers. And a crate. Oh, thanks, mate. I'll blow for cash, a sandwich. Welcome to Leighton Orient.

You also, maybe I shouldn't reveal this, but we saw you the other night, Russ, and you were like saying, oh, yeah, yeah, like I said to Kappa, like I'd pay him $1,000 to do it. And you said that multiple times and we had to go, it was $500. So sorry, Kappa. I think it was $1,000.

You had it right the whole time Russell but your hair looks phenomenal what I love, you've done it in a side party and you can't stop touching it I feel like a new woman after what you just said you'll need to you have gone, like, emo versus James Bond. It's looking good.

It really works, man. I know that isn't the vibe we're meant to slam you, but you look fucking great. It's just backfired. You could walk into any funeral and everybody at that funeral would know that you were the benefactor

or the corpse every time I went into a cafe or something you know but it was always in a different language but you know you turn around

and they go that's a weird thing about the world I was like surely in cafes they all speak English. Turns out they don't. In every country I heard someone turn to their mate

and just kind of look like, yeah, check out this fuckhead. How did you go over, because you spent a long time in China. How did China work with this? China, there was a lot of stairs. There was a lot of people videoing me. Especially when I was putting my lipstick on in a train station. Insane that they'll block Facebook but they'll allow this. It doesn't make much sense.

So it stays within their firewall. The most frustrating... Fire Great Wall. Yeah. Firewall. The most frustrating... Fire Great Wall. Shout out to Benny Hill. The hardest thing about China was that I paid $200 for a visa

because I left it till the last minute, so I had to get an express one, so I had to pay twice the amount. But if someone asked me about how China was, I like i sat down in china for two days like i just went from a train and then like i went from a plane to a train but then the plane was at night sorry the train was at night so i couldn't even see china like i just saw people asked me hey man how was china i was like it was dark and there was lights it's like why'd I pay a fucking visa to get here in the first place? To be fair, imagine if this is how Christopher Columbus would behave. I've got a fucking potato and...

Fuck, it was dark. Now, to be fair, your girlfriend did... She's sensible and she was trying to help you the whole time. So she insisted that you get a hotel in China because you were going to be there for like a day and a half and you're like, no, I'll be right. So you just, what, walked around the airport for like a day? Yeah, for about eight hours.

Right, right, right. Just looking for snooker matches to referee. Right. I got asked if I was an artist twice, and I was like, yeah, you've hit the nail on the head. Some say comedy, I say art. Were you tempted to get a pilot's hat and just start drinking? Looking at people, which one are you on?

I have three pints, and then this guy from the Australian Army will walk up and he goes, we've got to leave soon, bro. Let's see if I can lose another Malaysian one. Oh, Carl. Were you on it? No. They couldn't find the debris, but they couldn't find the funny in that one.

Actually, you did play Malaysian on the way up, didn't you? Yeah, that was part of the deal. I had to fly Malaysian. Oh, good. So they haven't increased security since the incident. Yeah, exactly. It's hard flying on Malaysian knowing you're the biggest risk. Maybe they're going, oh, the air marshals have let themselves go.

Now, we did... Let's segue away from conductor jokes for one second. We did... The reason about coming over here was, of course, because I wanted to come over here and watch... When we planned this trip, Liverpool were eight points clear at the top of the Premier League table. Now

we are one point behind. I don't think I've I didn't do that intentionally but that's just the way it's worked out. But we did come over. We did go and see a match at Anfield last weekend. Tommy and I went and saw Liverpool Huddersfield 5-0. We met up with Russell after

the show. It was your first game, wasn't it? After the show. Fuck. It was your first football, wasn't it? After the show. Fuck. It was your first football game. It was my first football game. You had a smashing time, didn't you? I had a fucking great time. What did you take out of it, Tommy? On the walk to the stadium, we stopped in at a pub nearby.

Oh, that's a fucking huge mistake. No, no, no, no, no. Well, that's it. It's like people in the street just going crazy on the walk up. But then you get in there and you can't drink at the game, apart from in the seats you can't drink, which I thought was weird for all that carry-on in the lead-up to it. And then you get there and during the game it's really quiet, apart from people just singing, people just breaking into song,

like they're watching fucking Frozen or something. What's going on? That's the deal with sport over here, right? Yeah. Don't ever... Don't ever, this is for your own safety, don't ever go to a Millwall game and say that. Why is it just singing?

Otherwise it'll get spicy. In the middle of the game, it's fun to stay at the... So do you not have singing in... What's that fucking Quidditch theme AFL oh yeah

well you actually don't do you not no it's humiliating because when the ashes come over and the barmy army come over and everyone goes

oh the fucking barmy army and then they all sing and then we go oi oi oi and it's like oh we're pathetic like had you guys heard

that one before it's pretty good it's it's so fucked oh, we're pathetic. Had you guys heard that one before? It's pretty good. It's so fucked. You guys have fucking got it. Made it work right, that one. The best one, there's a Scottish goalkeeper called Andy Gorham, and he had schizophrenia. And the crowd genuinely used to chant,

there's only two Andy Gorham. Back to the point, that's one where even he has to kind of go, yeah, very good. I don't get it. Oh, right, yeah. It's like that Tom Cruise movie, Rain Man. I think you I think you accidentally got that right

so we we've got to remake that with you in the Dustin Hoffman role Qantas never crashed Malaysian however insane man so we got tickets

to the Anfield match we got tickets via these podcasts because I was like you know what. We got tickets via this podcast because I was like, you know what, fuck it. Let's make this podcast work for me, finally. Put it out there. And a lot of people hit us up with links and going, oh, you just buy tickets from the club website.

No fucking shit. We've got the internet in Australia as well. So a listener hit me up and went, I've got your tickets sorted. All you need to do is hit up this guy at my work. Here's his number. You hit him up. You do the work.

I'm like, oh, fuck, okay. So I rang this guy up, and it was just this old guy from Liverpool who was like, right, and you're mates with this other guy? With this guy? And I was like, sure. And he's like, what's his name again? And I'm like, I don't know. So then he was like, okay, I've got you these tickets,

but it's through this other relation of mine. So you have to talk to them and go, just pretend you know me. And I'm like, fuck, I don't even remember the first guy. So then we got to the match, and as we were going to the match, I'm realising I still don't know who these people are. They haven't confirmed properly. We don't have the tickets. We went to Liverpool without the tickets.

Yeah, so you're coaching me on who the guy you were talking to is and who the guy who introduced you to him is. It was like we were about to be interrogated by the cops and we'd murdered someone. I'm like, so it's Evan. It's like, no, Evan's the other guy. I'm like, fuck! They're going to see through it immediately.

We're trying to invent a backstory. We were all over the fucking joint. And I'm meant to be like a big fan as well. So I'm like, if they ask me anything, the jig is going to be up immediately. So I bought a Liverpool

beanie on the way there to just sort of like blend in. It looked lovely on you. Thank you. So we got there and then we met up with these guys

finally took ages. We genuinely thought we were going to get catfished. And then these guys turned up. Well, we accidentally fuck them. That'll be an amazing episode of Match of the Day. Strange scenes in the crowd today. And just me getting bummed in there going,

I can't believe you can't drink in here. What the fuck's this? He was getting nailed to the steam tube. Just his beanie sliding down his head. I reckon they got catfished. They're like, your two mates rocked up, but they weren't your two mates, it was just an old man and a boy with cancer.

But that was the thing, because I'm dealing with this old guy on the phone that's like, I'll pass you on to my mate and then we get there and it's just these two kids. Were those the people that you brought to the...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they got dropped off by their mum and dad. Yeah. Fucking hell. Yeah. And then the mum and dad... And they let them stay.

Yeah. And the mum and dad were like, are you friends with... They were trying to work it out No we're just friendly Australians You know like Roll Paris And then I pulled down my pants and went Can you see what it is yet

So Anyway So then we're there with these kids And we're trying to justify our presence there. Right. Like, they didn't have... Like, I tried to go as fast as I could so they didn't have any questions,

so I was just, like, overwhelming them with facts and information about us and stuff like that. So we're going crazy. Have you boys ever seen a grown man naked, or...? We're just two podcasters from Australia and we make our friends put on makeup and go around the world. Any questions?

Yeah, but that was it. It was like, I reckon I talked to them without letting them get a gap in for 20 minutes straight and then there was a slight gap and they go, so how do you know? And we're like, oh, we do a podcast. I'm like, what the fuck? Okay.

And we told them that many weird stories by then that the guy had sort of, they sort of, they didn And we told them that many weird stories by then. The guy sort of... They sort of... They didn't mind us by that point, I think. Yeah, yeah. So then they started telling us stories. So this guy... We told them all the weird stories about Thailand

and all this sort of stuff. And then the guy... You've not pointed out that they're not actual children yet. Yeah, yeah, they're not. They're not. They're like in their 20s. Because when you... Did you hear that silence?

We were telling about Thailand. They were imagining two eight-year-old boys going, no! You're like, we can get you guys a job over there if you want. Hold this, Ping Paul. It was fucking... I felt your, like, what the fuck is this? Everything is so normal to us at this point

that it's hard to give context. Yeah, that's our new normal. So we're talking to them and then the guy goes, OK, I've got a story for you. I went to a fancy dress party. Imagine that he's eight and it'll make it even better. No, don't. Don't. Don't. This story is bad enough without an eight-year-old being involved in it.

So then he goes, I we do a fancy dress party once me and my mates were dressed as a cast of Cool Runnings and I go, so in the blackface, and he goes yeah, and I picked up, I fucked someone at the party dressed like that he picked up

in blackface that's fucking amazing like, the camera adds 10 pounds, but blackface doesn't add six inches. Do you think when he had sex with her, he said, feel the rhythm, feel the rhythm? But he goes, oh, the story isn't all good. When I was doing that...

Where did this guy come from? Jamaica! Yeah, I'm crying going, this is genuinely one of the best things I've ever heard in my life. Like, fuck, I'm glad I came to this game. Like, this is so funny. He goes, it's not all good.

When I was fucking this jig, some cunt pinched my bobsled. So then, yeah, so then we were talking about... Shout out to Lewis and Ben. That's who the two guys were. Oh, yeah, they might start listening now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoops.

But then we start talking about... We mentioned you, Russ, so we were going to see you after the game. Yeah. And they were like, oh, yeah, cool, we'd love to have a drink with Russell after the game with you. So then we're going in with these guys,

one of whom's just told us that he's got a proclivity for blackface. And we hadn't yet confirmed with you that you would do this, like we were hoping that you would, but we're going in to meet you and we're like, we'll ask him there. And we're just walking in with these kids going fucking hell, I hope they don't... Don't piss off to the bathroom with any make-up.

It didn't help that you walked in with a bobsled. Well, the funny thing is, I was dressed as John Candy. That's my go-to excuse. So I remained hidden at football games. Like I was dead celebrity. And the same guy, wasn't he telling us the same story about dressing as Darth Vader? Didn't he pick up as Darth Vader as well?

Yeah, he led with Darth Vader and then he went into Cool Runnings. But I thought the Cool Runnings one was way more interesting. Oh, Kappa. Let's talk about how fucked you are again. You would have got a lot of photo requests surely on your travels. Not too many, no.

I got, yeah, once again, I got, when I went through customs, one of the... They have to take one there. That's like, shouldn't be flattering when you put your one there. That's like, shouldn't be flattering when you put your passport in. That's like, oh, thanks so much. I presume I'll make it out to you. No, they let me through. I just waved my little baton.

And they let me through. Presumably you look fuck all like your passport photo as well. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was afraid I wasn't going to get through. There's a whiff of witness protection about you. Did you have to learn the Chinese for straighteners?

I was in China I didn't know that there would be that much of a language barrier. I knew... Fuck me, Jack Lord. You thought you'd fucking wing it? You're going to wing it? Yeah. You're going to wing it on charades, you fucking lunatic.

Wow. Well, I thought they'd know hello, but they didn't even know hello. Those idiots. Yeah, yeah. So I had to communicate with the taxi driver just over Google Translator. Oh, yeah, yeah, this is great. So he goes, I go um he goes I'm not doing the eyes

I am not doing the eyes don't do the eyes even on an audio podcast don't do the eyes I think it would complete the outfit, actually. The last samurai. Oh, shit, that's Japan. Don't worry, wait a second, he'll say something more fun. This has been our last show in England.

Thank you very much. Yeah, but I went through customs and the um they said uh everyone else was going through fine that's fine they said can you can you stand on the box right and i didn't know like they they motioned for me to stand on the box and put my what what box oh the magic wand for security. There was this wooden box. I had to stand in the box with my arms out and then the bloke took my coat off, me, and then about three

different people touched me. And then they ran and got another guy. And then he came back. Hang on, Kappa, were you hard at this point? I really could have used the Jackery to round and then

I think he's trying to point to his hotel like a compass and then the looked like a like a boss came back. He looked like a boss type person. Came back and he goes to me, walks up to me and I go,

here we go, I'm not going to get on this flight. That's it, I've been deemed terrorist or something. He's got like a Roxy Music DVD, can you sign this? Well, he goes up to me and he looks in my eyes and he goes are you a piano player? And I just went yes. I was just happy. Talk of all the Andrew

Ryu, some of you won't be old enough but Richard Clayderman. Okay, I'm clearly older than all of you. But there was a pianist in the late 70s, early 80s, always in soft focus, and he'd play the piano, but he'd also make love to the camera while he was doing it. So he was good. He didn't need to look at the keys.

Ah. So you... Some relatable gear. Google it. Google it. So... We're a bit Richard Lederman on that one. Good stuff So your girlfriend, Caitlin, she's lovely

and she's the other half of the brain of you She's the common sense She was saying to me, she was trying to get you to get accommodation for China, she was trying to help you out You left on this trip through fucking eight countries with no cash with no change cash with no credit card is that true yeah i don't want to borrow in other countries

i'm already wanted in my own so you went through with no money no credit card so what you just had you i just had my Visa debit card. Just a debit card. I just thought, that's going to get me around. Turns out it failed me in China, because it would only let me get out 200 Chinese monies. Chinese monies. Chinese monies. 200 Chinese monies.

What do you get for 200 Chinese money these days I don't know, I should have researched it it was when I was at a train station at midnight trying to get to the airport going yeah I really should have researched what they call money I was talking to like 8 taxi drivers and I said

I've got 200 of this and I had $25 Australian and then I passed that around and they would pass the note they would all have a look at the note, see if it was legitimate there was 3 or 4 photos taken of the notes and they

gave it back to me, they were like nah this isn't going to fly we can't get you to the airport. For people who don't know this about you, you used to be a travel agent. Fuck me, really? Wow. I said it before,

I'm going to say it again. A lot of people got a lot of fucked holidays. I made Flight Centre into Fight Centre. There was a... Yes, they passed that around I made Flight Centre into Fight Centre. Yes, they passed that around, and I thought, I'm a dead man. I'm going to have to walk to the airport in Beijing. Lucky I got 12 hours to do it in. And then I was like, fuck, I didn't know what to do, so I pulled out some $0.50 and $2 coins, like the gold coins.

Oh, if they won't take valuable money, how about less valuable money? Do you think you seduced them with the shininess? I don't know what it did, but they absolutely loved it. They were like, okay, we'll take you to the airport, mate, as long as we get the coins. Oh, really?

So they said no to the notes, but then said yes to the 50 cent coins. I think also the guy felt sorry for me. There's a man in a tuxedo who smells like he shat himself. Which I nearly did earlier. To be fair, that could have been at the start of your journey.

Squat toilets in tails. Wouldn't recommend it. squat toilets in tails wouldn't recommend it I had to like you know when you've been just eating I must have had four airplane meals by then I got to the train station

and then I was like I was delaying it but I was like I have to the train station and then I was like, I was delaying it, but I was like, I have to go right now. I get to the squat thing, I lift up the tails, and then I completely miss. If you'd have filmed that, that would have been the last night at the prom. There's no way they'd ever do it again. Did you not lift up the tails and then sort of wear them over the front?

Well, take your fucking jacket off. Oh, yeah. Afford the man some dignity. He's having a shit. Come on, slow down. We're going to have to really work towards that as a solution for him. I had minus one second to take a shit. No, you didn't. You didn't

find yourself in a toilet. You made the decision to go to the toilet. Yeah, but anyway, I was so and I have my laptop and my bags and everything. You're holding that, juggling it. You can try to use the laptop to pay for the cab. We each want to have a shit

like a one-man band. Yeah, and I was so... I just left it out the front of the queue. There's no time. They can take all my stuff. It doesn't matter. I've got to go. I just find the laptop open and it's a YouTube tutorial

how to take a shit in a squat toilet in formal wear. How many times have you lost your passport on this trip? Yeah, four. Hang on, how long was the trip? No, it was like five or six days. So a long period of time. I didn't lose the passport. Sometimes I just misplaced it or I found...

No, I lost it four times. But then we... lose the passport. Sometimes I just misplaced it or I found, yeah, no, I lost it. Yeah. Were we both trying to ask the same question? Weren't you just like leaving it on counters and like cafes and stuff like that? Oh, I felt, I got to France and once again, who would have thought there'd be such a language barrier? I got there and I said

this lady I said I am Phileas Bottles I said around the world with 80 cents hang on I love the fact

you're putting two fingers up straight away. Is that how you spoke to her? Yeah. Because that won't work. Okay. As in court. That's where it comes from, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

History fans. That's where that comes from, is English longbowmen taunting the French that they had fingers. Oh. Yeah. Oh, there you go. I wish you would have known that now.

Well, that could have broken the ice in Paris rather than just... So go on, you're in this couple. And the lady, yeah, I said to the lady, oh, can I get

two croissants? And she... Because I wanted to fit in, all right, with the locals. It's the one word you knew. Yeah. And I need some onions and a bike

Otherwise they'll think I'm a fucking weirdo One Eiffel Tower please And she goes So she gives gives, for some reason, she gives me four croissants, right? And I said, oh, I only want two, just two. And then she puts the croissants back, and I said, cappuccinos, two cappuccinos. And then she goes, co, and starts pouring to the coffees,

like to the cups, and I was like, co, co. And I was like, yeah, car. That's the laugh of people who know French. And then she pulls the small, thick cup and a big cup, and she goes, car, car!

That means, which one? You know that now. I would love which. Wish you're not saying Coco Was she not going Coco On the cappuccino No it was for both So she was

I'll explain it again Russell So co means both Co means which Is that what you're saying Yeah yeah yeah Is that true people that know French? Quoi? Yeah, that's it

That's gone through the cap of Babelfish Yeah, thanks for that, man Yeah, so she said that and then I said and by this time she was very angry with me because it had been about five minutes, and this transaction had taken a really long time. And then she gives me the coffee,

and I'm that nervous about this lady that I go to grab the coffees and I knock one over. And I pick it back up and she just looks at me like, I'm going to fucking kill you. I can tell that in French. That's going to cost you some French monies. Yeah, yeah. kill you. I can tell that in French. That's going to cost you some French monies. So I got my Eiffel Tower and I walked out of there.

Because I was wondering the other day, I'm like, how could you lose your passport that many times? And then we went out to dinner and you went to take your wallet out of your pocket because it was too thick. God knows why. Had all the different types of money in it. You just keep your underwear in there. You go, oh, this is really annoying me. And then you just go and you put your wallet down

on another table that we're not sitting at. Yeah, well, it's the wallet table. We're an Indian restaurant. That's the custom there. You can have the wallet table. Everyone knows that. I've travelled. How was your shit in the

Indian restaurant? Spot on. Bullseye. So you travelled for like, what, four or five days straight. So you were just sleeping on airport floors, trying to get a few hours here and there on the train, on flights and stuff like that. I thought

you would be absolutely fucking broken. You, towards the end of the trip, went, man, when are we going to do this next year? Fucking hell, you're keen to do this again. Yeah, I loved it. You want to do this when we go to Thailand in a month. It's an eight-hour flight and you want to try and find a way to get there in five days.

Yeah, well, my God. It's Africa. It's funny, when flight and you were trying to find a way to get there in five days. Yeah, well my god. Africa. Yeah. It's funny, when he first got on the flight to leave Melbourne, when he was in transit and out of WiFi, Dassler was like, right, he's out of WiFi, how do we fuck him up? I'm like, I think we already have. We can't fuck him already up more

than what you did. Yeah, I was sitting there on a plane, in makeup, wearing a tuxedo going, haha, when will they get me? Boy, have I done a number on these guys. Imagine if you'd said that out loud, how much you would have freaked out the other day. When will they get me? But it's true, we did need to prank him,

because he's loving it, look at him he's having the time of his life If we got him a 9 to 5 job, we'd fuck him right up I think that's it You could walk around Tesco today and claim that you're like Mr Tesco Yeah, I don't really look after the place but yeah, that's what I am

You could start eating from there People would go, I think he might be Mr. Test. I've just got this image of you asleep on an airport, just in your tuxedo, and just people going, what the fuck's that? And the guy's probably, murder mystery weekend. A one-man butts party. This guy came up to me and he was like,

and obviously a very Asian-looking fellow. Hang on. Hang on. Can we guess? Was this in China, this story? So he's not an Asian. He's an Asian-looking fellow. Not everyone's dressed up, Nick.

Just you. I was like, dressed up? He was him. Yeah. Yeah. I was like Whoa good costume Barak Little dum dum

Did they Cabin to see a guy In a polo shirt Which podcast Did this to you How much did Howard pay you Big envelope

Of Chinese money Whatever that is He walked up to me he goes how fucked is this place like in full like american english and i was like take off the mask i was like oh what's what's going on here like where where are you from and he goes i'm from gu from Guam. And he goes, like this, some, I don't know where Guam is. That's the military base. Has anyone heard of that? It's an American territory in the something,

something sea. Ah. Yeah, well, I wish I'd known that then because I was like, Guam? Sounds made up.

But what I love, I love the fact that he looks, Guam? No, I've eaten, thank you. I'm, I'm full up.

I love the fact he looked at you and went, there's my partner in crime. Like that, the place is fucking mental, isn't it? He goes, now... Because he was telling me, he's like, I was sitting on a bus and I was trying to get directions on the bus and I walked up to someone who was obviously European and they didn't know English.

And he goes, I saw you and I was like, that guy knows English. And he goes, I saw you and I was like, that guy knows English. How wrong he was. I'll ask that guy some questions, he'll know. And that's when I said, bonjour. Quoi? Quoi? Honestly, I single-handedly created the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival

and this is way better. This is going on my gravestone. What we've done to him. Fucking hell, it's so good. Well, yeah, I've got mixed feelings about it. Yeah, yeah, no, it was a good trip. But, yeah, when people ask me if I've been to China, it's just debatable.

Like, have you been to China? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on your passport. Yeah, you've got the visa. It's going to be a fucking great story for your grandchildren, though, eh? Yeah. They won't believe it, and there'll be actual photo and evidence.

Fine. There's a podcast that will exist. When you're 86, you better go, listen to this. You'll have turned into a northern man for some reason. Fucking hell, I'm going to turn my time and travel to fucking China. Grandad, have you been hit with a baseball? Why that gasp of horror when you brought up the concept of Kappa grandchildren? No, I'll be still going

then. I'll be like, fuck, the conversation gap in Pluto. Who would have thought? I was using Uranus money. Which I still use to this day. Uranus dollars. Well, that's the thing. We've barely even scratched the surface,

I feel like, of the amount of travelling you've been doing. But I think we have to wrap it up for this episode. We do have two more live episodes in London to do and we'll be asking about all the other dollars from all the other countries then, I believe. Listen, I don't want to be cheap or anything,

but I promised you $500 and I don't know how much money I've given you. I may have given you a lot more than that. So I'll need some of it back. Sorry, Russell. A deal's a deal. Now, who of those people hitting up Tommy about cocaine? Alright, guys. to be fair

you look like you've had enough already I am cocaine that brings us to the end of the little dum-dum club

for another week please give a round of applause Gordon Southern Nick Kappa Russell Howard guys thanks very much for listening

and we'll see you next time see you next time See you next And they've done it again They've done it They've done it For the first time in this hemisphere Yes

But a continuing thread Oh, not this hemisphere I shouldn't say that We've done it in America That's this hemisphere, northern Is it? Yeah Cool Yeah So I take that back Are there any hemispheres we haven't That's this hemisphere, northern. Is it? Yeah. Cool.

Yeah. So I take that back. Are there any hemispheres we haven't done? There's only northern and southern, isn't there? Okay. There's not eastern and western? There's no eastern hemispheres in the world. No.

No. If you can find one, I'll do it. Okay. The challenge is out there, folks. If you reckon you live in an eastern hemisphere and you want us to come and do a show there, then get onto us and we'll come do it. Yep, totally. London, wow, great, great times.

Very exciting stuff. Our first show here, so it was very exciting to get here and do a show in front of different people and to get the great Russell Howard in. Lovely stuff. Very nice of him to do that, especially since I believe he had a bit of trouble at home. Someone was sick. But he came and did it anyway, which is very, very nice of him. He left the hospital to come and do our show.

Fucking hell. But yeah, good on him. Great stuff by him. And yeah, a hero's welcome for us when we turned up in London. Was there? Yeah. Oh, okay. You didn't have all the fans waiting for you at the airport? No, I didn't. I got to the airport

and sat there and ate a sandwich by myself. Out of boots. You've been getting... You got bullied about that at a show the other day for eating at Boots. The pharmacy. It's good. The British pharmacy that sells sandwiches.

Yeah, it's a good place. That and newsagents. When are our chemists going to get onto that? When are chemists' warehouses going to start making sandwiches and selling them? Great question. And newsagents. I mean, fuck, there's probably not that many. What about this?

I didn't talk about this on the show, but this is notable, I believe. So the whole phenomenon of the sandwiches and the newsagents and the chemists and whatever, I'm intrigued by it. Phenomenon. Yes, I'm intrigued by it. A very dull episode of the X-Files. Just Mulder trying to work out, what do these sandwiches come from? How come I can get a fucking egg and lettuce thing where I'm buying my fucking Daily Mirror?

This is fucking weird. A great David Duchovny impression. Yes. X-Files down under, up over. So when we went to the airport to go from London, so we came to London first. Yep. We went to the Liverpool match. Then we went to Serbia.

Yep. So in between there, when we were in the airport, when we're in, when we go to Serbia, we're in bloody Heathrow. And we were, I went to the newsagents. You know, you go through all the security. Where is this going? Here's the thing. You find out later in the story rather than earlier in the story.

I have to set it up first. Okay. That's the thing about a story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So. No, I'm just, I'm on the hook. Yes, great.

Great. Well, I'm obviously a master storyteller. If you have that in truth. Yeah, I'm trying to work you out. Is this misdirection? Are these. No, no, no. Is this whole Heathrow thing a red herring where then all of a sudden you leave the airport

and it has nothing to do with that? No, no. I just miss my dad. All right. All right, Quentin. Let's hear it. So, when you're in there, you get through all the security. You know, there's obviously in this day and age, you know what it's like.

You've got to take off your bloody belt and your shoes and empty everything and whatever. You go all the way through. And you go through a couple of checkpoints like that. You've got to show your passport a bunch of times. All your ID, everything like that. Then you get through. Then you're like chilling out.

It's fine. You're hanging out. You go to the newsagents. You want a sandwich. Great. This is my experience. I go and grab a sandwich. you're like chilling out. It's fine. You're hanging out. You go to the newsagents. You want a sandwich. Great. This is my experience. I go and grab a sandwich. Get the boarding pass out.

You go to buy it. You can't fucking buy it without showing your boarding pass. Yeah. It's bizarre, isn't it? Isn't that insane? Yeah. Like, is that the thing of like, oh, sure, you've got through all the other checkpoints. But, aha, you're trying to buy a sandwich. Well, that's where you've tripped up.

You don't have your boarding pass. We got you. Yeah. We stopped over in Munich on the way back from Serbia just for like an hour. And I bought a bottle of water and had to show my boarding pass. And I couldn't work it out. I was with my friend and I was like, what's this about? And he kept giving me his attempts at explanations.

And I'm like, this doesn't cut it yeah that's not a good enough reason yeah so does that is that a really piss weak form of security or is that somehow that information somehow correlated and gone right well we know the guy that's getting on this flight is eating a chicken sandwich so right take that into account i guess it's like the explanation is that because you're not paying tax on it because it's in the airport, I think it's something to do with that. Really? You need to prove that you're actually flying somewhere.

But even that doesn't stack up because you can't be in that area without having shown the boarding pass to like eight. You can't have visitors in there anyway. So why do they need the proof? And if you just go, oh, I don't have visitors in there anyway. So why do they need the proof? And if you just go, oh, I don't have it, what do they do? What's the person at the newsagents going to do? Bizarre. Yeah.

What a country. This is going to be one of those things where there is an incredibly simple explanation. Please. And someone listening to this is just absolutely pulling their hair out. Bring it on. In full fury. That's why I'm bringing it on. In more fury. That's why I'm bringing it on.

I'm not bringing it up because I'm like, I know the answer. I'm bringing it up to go, this is fucked. I don't know what this is. Help me. Yeah. But yeah, when it's for such a fuck, yeah, when it's for like a bottle of water that costs like 90 pence. Yeah. For me, it was a fucking chicken sandwich and a copy of The Guardian.

Yeah. Why do I need to fucking... Don't you have this information already? Yeah. I'm happy to... I'd rather pay the tax than have to fuck around with getting my boarding pass out. Well, I don't think I was paying any less. It was the same price.

I wasn't paying any less. I wasn't in... I wasn't pirate radioing out in the middle of the ocean. Right. So you're taking the sandwich and then you're leaving the airport. Yeah, yeah. And selling it at full price. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And making a sweet profit off the back of it. Pirate sandwiches. What's been the best sandwich that you've had on this trip? Good question. I'm a big fan of Greg's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, where we're staying in London, there's no Greg's, which I'm really shattered about of Greg's Yeah, yeah, yeah Now where we're staying in London There's no Greg's

Which I'm really shattered about There's I told you this I went to go to Greg's yesterday I haven't been yet But I've heard nothing But rave reviews From my friend Carl

Yes From one of my co-workers Yes One of my colleagues Yep I went to go there Yesterday morning Sunday morning

It's like me and you Were just in the office And it's like that thing You know lunch is coming up What are you getting for lunch? Here's my recommendation. Go to Greg's. Talking Dumb Dumb is like us having a chat around the water cooler, essentially.

Greg's is like a cafe sandwich kind of chain here in the UK. I'm walking up there and I can see big posters in the window. Big poster of some sort of bacon muffin next to it, poster of a giant cup of coffee.

This is exactly what I'm after. Feeling like a little breakfast. Get there. It's 11 a.m. on a Sunday. The cunt's closed. What the fuck's going on? What a fucking tease to have that breakfast prominently displayed and not be open on the day that is probably the number one breakfast day, a Sunday.

We're here on a bank holiday. So we couldn't have picked a worse time to be here. Things are closed. Guests are away. Yep. Every comic in town is fucking... Look, we have done... You're listening to this episode.

You're welcome. We have... The jewel in the crown. We got Russell out. Great stuff. Yep. Next couple of weeks. Interesting.

So, yeah. But today we got... Rest assured, great ebbs. Great ebbs. But we... Yeah, we're here on a... out great stuff yeah next couple of weeks interesting so yeah but today rest assured great but we yeah we're here on a it's a it's a long weekend um and then also there's a festival on it in wales that nearly everyone that we asked that we had any kind of connection to through friends and whatever is at this festival so i'm i'm putting this on record on behalf of the little dum-dum club. Wales is cancelled. Right. The whole place, what is it? It's a fucking country or some shit?

Yes, it's a country. It's blacklisted. Wales, I'm putting in effect a trade ban between us and Wales. Wow. Yeah. So what are we missing out on? What are we missing out on getting from Wales? I don't know.

What? Leaks. Is it a leaks from there? They don't know. Leaks. What? Leaks. Is it a leeks from there? They're popular. They're known for leeks. Do you ever eat leek? I love a leek. Do you? Yeah, I love a leek. Oh, I'm fine with, I don't eat leek. Fuck! Okay, this is going to be harder than

I thought. Yeah, sorry. But hey, you know what? This is politics. Yeah. If you want to be an activist, you're going to have to make some sacrifices. Yep. Oh no, I love a good leek. Leek in a risotto? Oh, good stuff. love a good leak. Leak in a risotto? Oh, good stuff. Oh, bloody take a leak in your risotto, mate. What do you think about that?

See, that's probably the kind of stuff they find funny up in Wales. Right, okay. That was part of the comedy festival. It's a wonder I didn't get poached for being up there with that. But this one, the jewel in the crown. But the other two that are coming up in coming weeks, great eps. Great eps. Great eps nonetheless.

They are great eps. But itps. Great eps nonetheless. They are great eps. But it was a lot of us being extremely frustrated. And I think it's taught me a lot about London comedy because I think I went through the listings maybe 70 times just looking for a nugget of a guest that I hadn't noticed before. I spent almost 48 straight hours hitting up people nonstop and still not be able to get results. It's like, Jesus Christ. And then getting to a point where you're getting to people where I'm like, I've been like, no, I don't want that person. And then you get to the point where you go, all right, I'm going to have to have that person. Then they go, no, fuck.

Fucking hell. Fucking hell. There was literally an entire day of this trip that was you and me sitting in the pub, both on our laptops, not talking to each other, just messaging people and trawling guides and everything. A full day. I've done nothing in London. All I've done is sit in this room.

I feel like fucking the Julian Assange of comedy. Just an Australian trapped in this fucking tiny little prison. So I've come to visit you. Does that make me Pammy? This is... Yeah, anyway. It's a little Ecuadorian embassy here. Couldn't have been much worse than this. Yeah.

Fuck. But anyway, we had... Yeah, the shows were great. This is the first of them. And yeah, a really terrific run. Thank you to everyone who's come out in London to this show or to, you know, one of the other ones that people are going to hear in the next couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah. A great little trip.

Thanks for coming. Thanks for buying all the merch that we brought out and hanging out, having a drink. You know, in hindsight, we've got to start having some trading hours of the after work drinks. Some trading hours? Well, you know, I love this. I love that we'll do a live show and we go somewhere we haven't been or not there regularly and we go, you know, feel free to come and have a drink with us after. But we shouldn't be drinking with people for four hours after because then you get to all the hellos. You get to all the thanks for coming.

Great. Thanks for all the years of content you get to all the thanks for coming, great, thanks for all the years of content, thanks for this, thanks for that. Then at hour four it's more like, you know what,

you're a bit of a cunt. I listen to you but fuck you. Alright, maybe we need to only do an hour of that. People really speeding up the relationship

where it's like if you're friends with someone in real life it takes like quite a long amount of time to get to that point where you're comfortable

enough to like maybe rib them a bit or be a bit honest or whatever it is. It's people going, look, this is my one and only chance with these guys, so I've got to speed up the relationship. It has to go at 100 times speed. So for them, hour three is like the fourth year. Well, people forget that, well, not people forget, some people realize this, but I was always told that from people in radio that the relationship is people listen to you at home, they listen to you at home every morning, every day, so you become a friend to theirs,

or an acquaintance, or someone they know, and then they don't realize that it goes two ways. And so, yeah, people have had five years of listening to us and going, oh, we're mates, and then they come up and go, hey, mate. And we go, who the fuck are you? Yeah, 100%. And then they're, like, offended. How have you not been able to hear me talking at you through the podcast, through the speakers?

Exactly. But, yeah, not much more to wrap up about this ep. You'll hear more updates of Kappa and stuff in the next couple of weeks. Yep. Thank you to everyone that chipped in for Nick Kappa to do this trip. And, you know, he absolutely loved it. Like, it wasn't, you'd think it would be like water torture. No.

Absolutely can't wait to do something like this again. He really does want to do it again. And, yeah, if you didn't chip in and you missed out on being in his private Facebook group where he was posting his updates, boy, howdy, you really fucked up. It was, what a treat. Fuck, we were in Liverpool waiting for the train and just crying, laughing. Oh, nearly missing the train because we're just sitting there. Even just before he'd really started posting anything,

just the photo of him at Melbourne airport really set us off for a couple of hours. Great stuff. Quite a sight. Shout out to his girlfriend for putting up with this. Long-suffering partner. She is... It's funny. Yes.

I don't know. I don't think I mentioned this, but, you know, you get on Facebook. I'd be getting back to my hotel room to do work and stuff like that, and you're up in the middle of the night, Australia time, in a normal time here. Yep. And you're looking at who's online, and it's like her every night, all through the night, Australia time, and a normal time here. And you're looking at who's online, and it's like her every night, all through the night,

just because she was worried Capo was going to die at all stages. She's got full-time insomnia thanks to this trip. Incredible. Also, quick shout-out to my friend Ray, who did merch for us at the London shows over the weekend and told me that a number of people thought she was your wife. Oh, really? Wow.

I love the idea that you drank your wife on this trip to get her to do merch for us at the shows. How brutal would that be? Well, it must be nice to get recognised as such a powerful figure on this podcast. Right, right. A real badge of honour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. A real badge of honour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'd like to have seen that. How do you bring that up? Just like, are you, are you, are you, you know who? Nice. Lovely. And then the question is like, well, then where's the fucking baby? Is she in the suitcase? What's her name? Thank you.

Thank you to everyone who helped us out on this trip. And thank you, of course, to the Bill Murray Pub. Yeah. Great pub. If you're ever in London passing through, go check them out. They've got heaps of shows. They have heaps of big names doing work in progress pop-ups and stuff. Russell Howard's been there a bunch doing like hour trial shows they have. They have heaps of big names doing work in progress, pop-ups and stuff. Russell Howard's been there a bunch doing like hour trial shows and stuff.

Tim Key has been there a bunch this month. Heaps of awesome acts. So, yeah, get in there. Great. Support them. Oh, and I think we – did we clean them out of every drop of alcohol that they had? Well, we'll talk about that in a couple of episodes. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. So they encountered the dum-dum phenomenon, I guess. But yeah, lovely. Lovely people to deal with. Yeah.

Great little venue. I'm about to go there in a couple of hours and do my solo show, so I'll be interested to see what state they're all in. Right.

Lovely. And while we're thanking everyone, thank you to everyone who contributes on Patreon, who goes to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club, or if you can't be fucked remembering that URL, you can just go to our website, our newly designed website.

Thank you to Joel at Auxiliary Design for sprucing up the old digs. Really did a great job on it, too. Yeah, yeah. Lovely work from him. So go there. You'll find a link there. You'll find a link there for the Coastal Million International Podcast Festival, of course. There is still time.

There's always time. But not after June 11 to 16. No. Then there's no more. Then there's no more time. Yep. So we, and again, I keep having to answer this at live shows. We aren't, it's not some trick.

I'm a man of my word. It's not happening again. So this is the last time. So get along, little doggies. Yep. Lovely. Thank you to everyone who chips in. And, of course, we're still in London town.

If you've listened to the last couple of weeks, you'll know that there's been some sort of minor malfunction with the unplanned title alternator. We're no longer able to read the dozens of names that we read out every week while we're here. Still not fixed. Still not here. We've got shots spilt on it in Serbia.

Yeah. Then you left it out in the rain. Yeah. Any new dilemmas or just the same things? Look, I mean, that's obviously the first week that happened with Serbia. I think we only read out. It was limited to like 15 names. Yeah.

Then last week there was a bit of the English rain getting in and we only did 10. Yeah. Look, unfortunately, this week. Even less than that. There's been something else happened. There's been an incident. Right. What's the incident?

Some mushy peas got into it. Now, I'm not saying I don't believe you, but how did this happen? Well, I was eating mushy peas. Here we go. And it got into it it's quite a tale so wait you were eating mushy peas while standing over the unplanned we're in the hotel room right now there's not much room in here there's like the bed which takes up two-thirds of it the unplanned title alternate takes up the other third of the hotel

over the bed i was eating i was doing a lot of my eating over the unplanned title alternator. It's not a plate. Right over the vent as it happened. Fucking hell. So I'm sorry. Well, there's no point being mad. There's nothing I can do about it now. Nothing I can do about it now.

So unfortunately, the number... It's affected... Severely reduced down to like eight or something. I wish. I wish. I wish. It's down to, believe it or not, a lower figure than that. There's only seven of them. There's only seven of those figures that are lower than that.

Crikey. We can only do five this week, so. We can make up for it other weeks. It's all right. We'll get home. We'll fix things. We'll get back to normal. But look, it's a funny little, like, think of it this way.

When you think of the number five from now on, you'll always think of the rare times that we only read out that many names in England. It's like a little souvenir. It's like a postcard. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. When you see the number five, you'll go, oh, the old dart.

Every time I look down at my hand, I see the number of fingers. Every time you're masturbating, you'll think, Oh, the queen! All right, so... Have you seen the queen yet while we've been here? I haven't even seen a queen, let alone the queen. I've seen very little of anything. I've seen the inside of...

I've seen this Ecuadorian embassy embassy and that's about fucking it. I haven't even seen as many Greggs as I want. I've been seeing Tesco's, which is I think the lowest grade of sandwich shop you can go to. Really? Have you eaten yet today? No. Do you want to go eat after this? Yeah, I'd love to.

Can we, people have been. I love making plans on the pod. We haven't, we've had that little time. We had a plan where, a very loose plan, a couple of listeners sent us money to have a big night. Once you do your solo show, can we go to Brick Lane? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yes.

Should we go, me and you and Kappa go to Brick Lane after this? Yeah. I think I can do that. If my friend can come, then I think I can do that. If my friend can come, then I think I can do that. Right, okay. Well, I don't want your friend to come. Okay. Well, that's going to complicate things. Okay, right. That's fine.

No, I said I'd do something. It's his birthday. I said I'd do something with him. Oh, God. But that's fine. He'll be happy to come. I guess. But will I be happy? Because it's sort of like... Well, that's a very tough question to answer. Alright, we'll work it out together. We'll work it out together. We'll work it out. Thrilling for people to be listening to this three weeks after it's happened.

TBC, will I be happy about this dinner? Will we? Yeah. But anyway, let's get lunch after this. Okay. I wonder where we're going to go. Yeah. All right.

Let's crack into this thing. Five. It should be quick this week. It should be quicker than normal. Then we can get out going to go. Yeah. All right. Let's crack into this thing. Five. It should be quick this week. It should be quicker than normal. Then we can get out and have lunch. Great. And then we can get that lunch, bring it back, and eat it over the top of the unplanned title alternative.

Right. What could possibly go wrong? Great. Thank you to number one this week, Patreon subscriber. Thank you to David Flynn. He's put his money into our accounts like Flynn. Yep. Pretty cool.

What is In Like Flint? Flynn. In Like Flynn. It's a movie, right? It is a movie, but I believe the phrase is about Errol Flynn, isn't it? I guess. I'm going to look it up now. The only reference I have for it is the start of Austin Powers 2.

He's watching it. Oh, really? It comes on the TV and he goes, that's my favourite movie. Well, it's about, I believe it's about Errol Flynn because he was quite a pants man back in the day. Right. So I think that that's what they mean. Well, okay, I'm looking it up.

But that's funny. That's come up very quickly. Is it in like Flynn or in like Flint? There's two different things. Oh, really? Wait, they are two separate things? Yes. Yeah, right.

In like Flynn is a slang phrase meaning having quickly or easily achieved a goal or gained access as desired. Right. In addition to its general use of phrases, sometimes used to describe success in sexual seduction. Great. So, in later years, the rhyming phrase became associated with actor Errol Flynn, who has a reputation for womanising, consumption of alcohol and brawling. Right.

Very nice. Yes, I believe that that's what that means. In like Flynn. Yep. Right. Very nice. Yes, I believe that that's what that means. In like Flynn. Yep. The term pants man is pretty... You don't really hear anyone referred to as that these days. Yeah. You don't hear that terminology for it.

No. It's like a very... To me, it's like an old acquaint way of saying sex pest. Yes. A real pants man. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, let's bring it back. I. A real pants man. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, let's bring it back.

I don't think we should. No. I don't think... In this climate, that phrase will be getting popularized... 100%. ...anytime soon. Yeah. Can you be a pants woman?

I guess. It's 2019. Yeah. Why not? Pants woman. Pants woman. Like, you know, obviously the S word, it's not a very nice word. No.

The four-letter S word. I'm not even going to dignify that word we're saying. Instead of using that word, you know, why not pants woman? Pants woman. It's good. Yeah, I don't mind that. Because it does make it so, like, you're a pants man, meaning what? You take your pants off a lot to fuck?

I guess. Because it should be that, like that you're a dress man. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You seduce a lot of people that wear dresses. If you're a pants man, going by that logic, that means you're taking your pants off a lot. Because back in those days when that phrase was, I guess, popularized, it wasn't as popular for girls to wear pants.

So it's not like they're getting in her pants. So you must be, the phrase is being used to take off your pants. You're a pants man, which means if you were doing that for a woman, you would be called a dress woman. Yes. That's pretty good. She's a bit of a dress woman. She's a bit of a dress woman. That's better than the four letter S word.

Yeah. She's a bit of a dress woman. She's a bit of a dress woman. That's better than the full letter S word. Yeah. She's a bit of a dress woman. Wow. Let's see. No one's got any problem with that phrase. Yeah. Well, thanks, David. Yeah. You've helped us coin a new term. Yeah. Hope you're a real dress man. Yeah. That'd be good. Maybe. Yeah. If you got laid a lot as a cross-dresser. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You're a dress man. A dress man. Yeah. Yeah. My brain hurts. Yeah.

What's the, who's the English cross-dressing comedian? Eddie Izzard. Eddie Izzard, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if he was a popular man. He was at the Bill Murray, not that long ago, they were saying. Right. Doing warm-ups. Oh, really? Well, he's, I'm sure he's a was a popular man. He was at the Bill Murray, not that long ago, they were saying. Right. Doing warm-ups.

Oh, really? Well, I'm sure he's a good-looking man. I'm sure he's gotten around a bit. He could have been a dress man at some stage. Yeah, he definitely is. Yeah. No, but you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, yeah. All right, well, thanks, David. Thanks, David. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Now, I can't believe we've never done this name before, but it appears to be true. What number is this? This is number two. Okay.

Yeah, for this week. Right. Just a strange run-up for name number two. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. But, no, but anyway, it's somehow, this name has been coming for a long time. Right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Janine Ogier. Now, I don't know if it's Ogier or Ogier.

Maybe it's Ogier. O-G-I-E-R. Maybe, probably save it to say Ogier. Ogier. That's what I said to start with, so I nailed it. Because otherwise, the other one you said sounds a bit too close to Ogier. Yeah, okay. So even if it is Ogier, we're changing it said sounds a bit too close to ogre. Yeah. Okay.

So even if it is ogre, we're changing it for you, Janine. Yes, exactly. Yep. Yeah. Janine, lovely listener of the show. Long time. Two-time, two-time Samui attendee. Coming up to three-time attendee.

Lovely supporter of live comedy. Comes to shows in Melbourne. One of the rare people that come up and go, I'm sorry to annoy you, but here's a compliment. Yes. Great stuff. Yes.

A very lovely person. Very much enjoyed all my interactions with her. She's great. Yeah, totally. But nothing but positive stuff to say. Yeah. Comes up with presents and things like that. Always supportive of everything we do.

Lovely, lovely lady. And in all my experience with her, all positive, all absolutely positive. But here's the intriguing thing. I found out recently she has a least favorite comedian that's on the podcast. Ah, right. And now I'm trying to get to the bottom of who it is. The most positive person in comedy in terms of audience member and all that sort of stuff. But now I've found out finally she has a slight, tiny little dark side.

Right. A little secret. And do you think she'll give it up? I've tried. I've been trying lately. Really? Yeah. But has she established any kind of rules for this?

Like if you get it, she'll tell you? No, no. So you may have guessed it already and she's just like... She gets very scared when I bring it up. Well, she'll be loving this. Yes. Yes.

So I'm trying to think of who it is. I was trying to... Interesting. I've whittled it down a little bit. I found out a few people who it is.

I found out it's not you, Tommy. Okay. So that's good. That's good. Heal. Yeah. There's a couple people that have been ruled out

but I can't... The only clue I got given is that the person has got a fair bit to do with this. So someone. Someone pretty... So someone who's on a lot. Well, yeah, I get that feeling. So... Interesting.

Isn't it interesting to find out someone doesn't like our friend? This is a great game. This is up there with what did I buy at John's Day. Yeah. Someone doesn't like our friend. This is a great game. This is up there with what did I buy at Chad's Day. Yeah. Maybe we can get a clue out of Janine every week. Yeah. Run it on the show. Who doesn't?

Let's get a jingle made up. Who doesn't Janine like? Who's the one person Janine doesn't like? What were we playing when we had Russell on the show the last time before this with Kappa and going through your bag and trying to guess where you work? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one. That was not good.

Thanks, Janine. Thanks, Janine. Let us know. Let us know who you don't like. We like to hear feedback so we can, you know, not have those people on the show anymore.

We can cancel them. No, we wouldn't do that. We're not encouraging people to go, I don't like this person so I get it. It's only for Janine. It's not for anyone else.

The offer is not available for any other listener except for Janine. So don't write in and go, oh, poor foot. Shut up. Yeah, no one else is allowed to have negative opinions about anything. You have to like everything in the world. Yes. Except for Janine. You get licensed.

You get one. To dislike this one person on the condition that you let us know who it is. Yes. Fuck, I wonder who it is. Who's your guess? I can't tell. Yeah. And I wouldn't want to speculate on the show.

Yeah. I mean, I'd like you to. Who do you think? I think it's a boy. I get a feeling it's a boy. It doesn't narrow it down. It narrows it down a little bit. Not heaps. A little bit not heaps a little bit

yeah I'll share my I'll share my thoughts later okay thanks Janine thanks Janine she's what a

what a what a lovely listener yep with a dark side thank you to Patreon subscriber well here we go finally this man's time has come.

Thank you to Patreon. And I'll remind you, this is the third listener for this week. Interesting. Not the final one. Okay. This is the third one for this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Simon Dicker. S-I-M-O-N.

Yep. Space.-N Yep. Space. Space. Yep. Good pick. D-I-C-K-E-R Lovely, lovely stuff. Yeah. Good on you, Simon.

What a life. What a life he's been through. There's, I mean... He must, metaphorically, you must see a finish line at the age of 18. Once you're done with school, just go, if I could just get through. Right, everyone's keen for school to be over, but you'd be even more so.

Absolutely. Just this, like it's a marathon. This has been a hard week so far because it's like, with Janine, like we've said in the past, when it's a listener that we actually know a little bit and we like them, it's hard to just speculate on the name or talk about them too much and make it funny. Yeah. But then this is the opposite problem where it's just like, I'm overwhelmed.

What do you say? Like, there's honestly no point tacking anything onto this name. Yeah. It's all there. Simon. What a name. Don't mind the name Simon, I have to say. Oh, I don't like it.

Really? Yeah. Is that based on a negative experience with the Simon? No, I just feel it's a very plain name. It's like too... I always think it's too nice. Like if someone said, oh, he's a real Simon, I would think, oh, boring, plays by the rules. Right.

Goes home straight after school, cleans his room. Is this based on the game Simon Says no not at all I hate being told what to do oh yeah yeah

no but in my head Simon loves being told what to do right yeah that's where the game well that's that's the cruel irony

of the game yes he's there dictating going god I wish someone would give me orders right just once

interesting instead of being such a cunt telling everyone else what to do yeah yeah isn't that a weird game where it's like telling everyone else what to do. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that a weird game where it's like Simon says, you have to do this, and then you do

it, and then you say, now you have to do this, and you do it. No, you're fucked because Simon didn't say it. Yeah. Who cares? Who the fuck's Simon? You told me to do it. Isn't that good enough? Yeah.

And also, this cunt's surname is a slang term for the male genitalia. Oh, I didn't pick up on that. Right. Is that what you call yours? A dicker? A dicker. Right. It's enough for it to be a dick.

Your thing, dickers. Right. Your penis, dickers. Dick, dicker. So instead of saying, to fuck someone, you go, I wouldn't mind having a bit of a dicker. Yeah. Right. Yeah. No, but it's like, there's a dick, and then there's a big one. To fuck someone. You go, I wouldn't mind having a bit of a dicker. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

No, but it's like there's a dick and then there's a dicker. You know? Right. There's more dick. Right. Okay. Well, they're two separate things. Yeah.

So you... Once you cross a certain size threshold. Oh, right. Okay. Right. So you've gone past that threshold. So you have a dickhead. I'm in the class A.

I didn't know that you got a different name for it once you get to a certain measurement. Interesting. Yeah. I wish. Of course you didn't, sweetie. I wish someone had had to talk with me. Jeez. What a way to find out.

Your dad sitting down to talk to you about penis size. God, okay. Well, it must be nice. It must be nice. Well, thanks, Simon. Simon Dicker. Fuck. What?

Imagine the trauma this man has. That we're definitely contributing to. No, I think we're going pretty light. I think we are too. Yeah, I think we've been quite nice about it. But I think even just circling around it is just reminding him of... Just hearing it said out loud in this fashion. He knows.

He's contributed. He's having flashbacks. He knows his day's coming. He knew what he was in for. He knew this day would somehow come. He could have put in a fake name. Yeah. I mean, maybe he has.

Maybe he has. Maybe his name's Brad Dicker. Well, thanks, Simon. Thanks, Simon. Thanks, Dickster. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Leah Guest. Ah. I know Leah.

Do you know Leah? Yeah. I've seen her name on the socials. I'm pretty sure she was at the Canberra show. Okay. Hmm. I know Leah. Do you know Leah? Yeah. I've seen her name on the socials. Hmm. Yeah. I'm pretty sure she was at the Canberra show. Okay. Yeah. Must be nice for her or confusing for her.

I don't think this happens as much anymore, but you know when you get on computers and straight away you're like, guest. It's like, oh, have I signed in already? What's happening here? Or like turning up somewhere and being like, are you a guest of this hotel? Yeah. You know? Be my guest.

Already done. Yep. Way ahead of you, buddy. So you could feel like that song in the Beauty and the Beast is about you. What's that? Be my guest. I don't know the song. Right.

I'm not into it. It's called Be My Guest. Right. I don't know. Is that in the cartoon? Yep. Right. I don't watch cartoons. Right. Right. I'm a grown up. that in the cartoon? Yep. Right. I don't watch cartoons.

Right. Right. I'm a grown up. But you never, how old were you when Beauty and the Beast came out? I've got no idea. You would have been like, I guess you would have been like 20 or something. Yeah. That's, you know, I banned cartoons.

Right. When I was seven. Right. Yep. I went. My mum took me to the cinema. Oh, really? To see Beauty and the Beast.

Yep. How was it? Not my favourite, I have to say. My favourite growing up was Aladdin. And then Lion King came out. 1991. Right. So, 15, I was 15.

91? That's what it says here. Fucking hell. That's the same. It's been remade a few times. So, that's the right one, isn't it? Yeah. No, no, no.

That's the... Yeah, they did a remake. Like, those live-action remakes that they're doing. They's the right one, isn't it? Yeah. No, no, no. That's the... Yeah, they did a remake, like those live action remakes that they're doing. They did one of them like two years ago. That was back just before, I guess, when everyone got obsessed with having celebrity voices. This is back when you could make a cartoon and normal voice actors could actually make a living, rather than just going, All right, well, fucking we're doing Snow White and Snow White's being played by Kelsey Grammer.

Yeah, yeah. And the dwarves are being played by Boyz II Men plus fucking David Odgen Stiers. The actual voice actors hate it. Like they're filthy on it. Yeah, I bet. Like Shark Tale, you've got a fish played by fucking Will Smith.

Yeah. All the old school traditional voice actors are fucking furious about it. Yeah, I bet they are. Because it's as if fucking Adam Sandler needs another million bucks

to come in and play a snail for two minutes. Yep. And it's always does it add much value to it because you're sitting there for half the time going who's who's this i know this voice right and especially i remember disney started doing it with their cartoon movies kind of probably mid mid to late 90s and it

was like what little kid is there that gives a fuck that danny devito is the voice of a little goat man in hercules yeah like it was always like i remember reading in you know the like magazines at the time when the when the movie would be coming out they'd be like oh yeah this is the voice actor and just being like i don't know who that is yeah i don't you don't know famous people when you're a little kid yeah yeah that's a good point yeah is it, I guess, the parents to give them some reason to be interested in it? But who cares? They have to go anyway. I think these days it's just so you get more press and they can say, oh, this is coming out.

What was it? Oh, fucking Ariana Grande. What was it like to voice a marshmallow man in this new movie, fucking Chewy Mary. Well, the great one at the moment is there's a Pokemon movie that's out this – well, it'll be out now when people hear this. And Ryan Reynolds is the voice of Pikachu. Right. And he's literally doing that at the moment. He's on the talk show circuit to promote the fact that he's the voice of Pikachu.

Yeah. that he's the voice of Pikachu. Yeah. And which is ridiculous because I saw the ad to that and it's like, you are used to his voice coming out of Deadpool. Yes.

So he's already sort of voiced something already. It's weird. And all of a sudden, Deadpool's Pikachu. But it's so funny that he's the one promoting it because it's like, it honestly would have been

like a day's work for him. Like that movie. There's some great special effects and and CGI work and stuff in it. All these people slaved over a computer and then putting this guy out the front. He probably hasn't even seen the fucking thing. Yeah. Dumb. Dumb idiots.

Thanks, Leah. Get us in. Thanks, Leah. Alright, so That is nearly all Are we done? Yeah Alright Oh wait

There's one more Oh okay Yep One last one Yep Alright I don't know how many that is That's

I'll tell you Have we done less? I feel like we've done more than usual No no no We've done less Okay David Flynn Jenning Ogier,

Simon Dicker, Leah Guest, and one more. One more. The fifth one. The fifth and last of this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber... Oh, okay. What? Well, I'll say what you think, but... I will. Just considering...

Yep. Considering where we are. Interesting. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Queen Comedy. Like the band? I don't think so, because that would be Queen Music. Is that what they call it? Is that the full name of their band? Queen Music?

Just to differentiate themselves from the Queen of England? I... No, I thought... Isn't Queen Comedy, they do Bohemian Comedy Rhapsody? I don't know. You're more into contemporary music than I am, so... This is...

Yeah, the front man died of comedy AIDS. Have we got that now? It feels like we've got something a little bit like that. Something debilitating like that, I think. Of which no one is looking for a cure. Right, we got it by having sex with a comedy monkey. Right.

God. Right, we got it by having sex with a comedy monkey. Right. Love it. Well, if that's not the band, then I guess the only other explanation is that it's some kind of actual royalty. Yes, it must be something. It doesn't say what. I mean, I feel like we've... The queen of comedy. Yeah. So it doesn't necessarily have to be from here,

from the UK. Oh, sorry, it's reading. No, no, I'm not saying that at all. It could be Queen Comedy of Comedia, I assume. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty exciting, if so. This would be our first royalty, and also our first person with that surname

to ever contribute. I think we've... Haven't we had... Haven't we had King Comedy before? Maybe. I'm sure we have. Yeah, I know. Yeah, we've had

King Comedy of Comedia before. I've just looked it up. So, wow, it's finally... We've got the... We've got the set. We must have the set. How much does...

That's very interesting because you get that a little bit on this show where you go to a live show. And we've had that last couple of nights where someone's come up and brought along their partner. Yep. And they've been converted. Right.

So this is how long it's taken for King Comedy and Comedia to convert the partner into it. Right. How much does she contribute now? Let me have a look. $69. That's translated from... Their currency. Comedia currency.

That's what it's called? Yes. Comedia currency? Comedia cash. I don't know what they thought they were chipping in, but it's translated beautifully into Australian dollars. $69. Yeah.

Well, they've done great work there. Must have used xe.com to work that out. I mean, I feel a little bit guilty taking that effectively from the coffers of the Comedias' taxation dollars. Right, right. They're being taxed a little bit more every week to go to us. But I think the people of that country would be happy with that. I don't know. It's a pretty poor country.

Oh, okay. Is it really? I actually don't know. I'm pretty bad with geography and stuff. I should learn a bit more about it. Yeah, yeah. Get into it. It's like a lot of people don't know where it is.

It's like sometimes where people don't know where Springfield is in America. Right, right. I mean, I'm certainly at the moment feeling like I don't know where comedy is. And again, I'm feeling it's a very poor nation. It's a very underdeveloped nation. I'm trying to follow the compass and it's just fucking... It's very much a third world country, I'm feeling it's a very poor nation. It's a very underdeveloped nation. I'm trying to follow the compass and it's just fucking... It's very much a third world country, I think. All right.

Well, thanks, Queen. Thanks, Queen. Guys, thanks for listening. And yeah, once again, thank you to everyone who came out to this London show. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to our upcoming stuff. We've got a big live show in Sydney on July 27 we then have the Koh Samui International

Podcast Festival June 11-16 still time get your comm get your tickets get all that stuff sorted out we will see you next week

with another live episode from London but until then thanks very much we'll see you next time see ya mates