The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 451 - Live! Nick Capper, Ray Badran & Carl Donnelly

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

We're back for the second big day of our podcasting residency in London. NICK CAPPER has been soaking up the British hospitality, RAY BADRAN struggles to get a word in and CARL DONNELLY tells us about buying drugs in Eastern Europe. PLUS Ray and Capper get pitted against each as Karl plays scorekeeper. KOH SAMUI! Come join us for a huge week of shows at an amazing resort. June 11 - 16. SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in London with guests Nick Capa, Ray Badron and Carl Donnelly. This is the second of our three shows that we did over in the United Kingdom. We have a bunch of live stuff coming up, littledumbdumbclub.com for links to the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, June 11 until 16. It is fast approaching. It is still not too late. You can get onto it. It is the last one ever. Don't miss our podcasts and stand-up comedy and stuff on the beach in Paradise. It's going to be amazing. We also have a show coming

up in Sydney, July the 27th in a big room. It's us doing stand-up and a pod, so check that out. But until then, enjoy this new episode recorded live in London. Hello, mate. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. And sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good to get you guys. Back in old London town after all these years. Yeah, man, this is the official first one that we put on sale that sold out straight away. Yeah. So these are all the keenest people who got in first and then we put on extra ones and we put on one earlier and we put all the guests on that one, so sorry guys.

Yeah. We came in here yesterday and was like, this is all a bunch of fucking Johnny-come-latelys who don't deserve a good show but you guys, you guys are the real ones. Give yourselves a round of applause

for fucking getting into this one quick off the mark. Give yourself a round of applause because you won't be applauding the guests we've got. So, um... It's alright. Stop doing that!

What a thrill it is to be back in the city that is the site of the last time I publicly shit my pants. It's good to come home in many ways. I will be conducting a walking tour going past the site after the show. It's about an hour away from here and maybe there's still a remnant

there. Fingers crossed, guys. Do we get a tour of all the times you privately shit your pants? We are all the way from Australia. Australia, the original Brexiters. Pretty cool. Doing it before it was popular, yeah. Not by our choice, obviously, but still, we're no longer part of Europe.

Who voted Leave? Oh fuck Let's not find out who's right wing of our listeners I'm not going to feel comfortable if 100% just put up their hand and go Yeah, kick the Muslims out now!

We have to stop doing our job And then it's like the best gig we've ever done. We're like, oh god, these are our people. Make hay while the sun shines, I guess. Don't tell us anything about you. Please. We don't want to fucking go home

and have to explain ourselves at customs. Anything to declare? How long you got, buddy? No, you know what? England's been great so far. You know what's really cool, I think, is that what we don't get back home is there's the whole climate protest sort of stuff over here that's really popular.

You guys are super environmentally conscious, I think, over here at the moment. I think at home we're not really at all. What are you talking about? There's protests like every other week No, not that much though I've been reading the paper You're a dumb fuck

I read the paper, there's heaps in the paper And there's signs everywhere Don't you see heaps of signs everywhere here? I think there's heaps more here than there is at home I haven't gone outside yet Fair enough, I'm trying to pay these people a compliment. Right. I'm trying to get more pale to fit in. Yeah.

Well, what we saw is, uh, uh, it's certainly the case, but what we saw, it was in Liverpool when we were up there. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a soccer match though, that wasn't a climate protest. Look at him, the ball is a metaphor for fucking inaction, yeah, get it out of here. Yeah.

The environmentally conscious team in red, we beat the global warming 5-0. 50 degrees. That's what the temperature's going to rise to in 10 years if we don't do something. Great, great. Fuck, that was all a... Who's a climate denier?

Hands up. Don't start this. Well, we went up there and we saw like in the morning, we went and saw the match, we saw the Liverpool and then in the morning we went shopping and there was like a big demonstration in the shopping mall of like, you know, people against

climate change or whatever and they were like protesting by lying down in front of a shop and there was like dozens of them lying all down. But the thing was, it was five degrees and raining. Like, fuck, you cunts must be sort of second-guessing the climate change.

Just getting hailed on, like, you should hope that the temperature goes up, because it's fucking bleak here. Like, we don't do any of that stuff back home and it's 50 degrees every day and we're like, oh, what are you going to do? Good on you guys. You're saving us down under. Down under.

Fuck, I've never said that before. You know what? I feel bad because I've been starting to talk to people and go, you know, back in

Oz. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I like that you glossed over a little detail in that story that I sort of saw a lot of

people's ears prick up where you go, we went to the soccer match and in the morning we went shopping together. It's not like everyone in the room went, what? We buy things.

You bought some shoes. You look so hot in them. You are looking so slutty right now. Oh, this is them, yeah. How are they going? Good, thank you. I feel like this is a good avenue to go down. Shoe talk Because we talked in the episode yesterday

We did talk a bit about going to Liverpool And I gave my thoughts on the match and everything But you didn't really talk much about your experience of it You were the one that was like This was the whole reason for the trip For you to go to the game and everything How are you feeling about it now? Well, you know what,

last night, so we did the show yesterday, um, and then everyone got very carried away with each other, and we all had drinks afterwards. Yeah, there was an orgy in the bar, that's what he's trying to say.

Carried away with each other. Yeah. Carry on up the ass. Yeah. Um, these guys invented that. Um, that's him to be fair,

but anyway. I see James in the house tonight. Um, so, Kenneth Willems? invented that that's him to be fair but anyway is Sid James in the house tonight so Kenneth Willems no fuck

these are your references you should know them any Mr Bean fans there's a picture of Mr Bean

at the front of this venue I know does he ever play here ok I think he's up the back

there fuck these guys must hate us it's just like someone coming to Australia and going is Crocodile

Dundee here it's kind of what we do back home anyway so after the show yesterday we went out

and Liverpool were on the TV so it was our second last match and we went and watched

the match and we went and watched TV good name John yeah so we went and watched the match and it got pretty messy but we did win which is fucking sweet so that was the one goal of mine to be over here and for the dream to still stay alive

I didn't want to get here and then find out last night that we were out of the championships and then come and do this show and go well what's the fucking point so we're still in it yeah right

so you're feeling good did you enjoy being in the game because you had already been before yes but it was a long time ago yes but you had a good time at Anfield yeah well we won 5-0

what's not to enjoy and you were there and I was enjoying your little reactions like we would we'd score a goal and Tommy'd be like yeah

it's like do you know what side we are or you sound like I was the only one doing it. No, no, no. It's like goals I had thought and I'm like, oh, the ball went in, yeah! Now, fair enough, don't mind me. The planet's saved, yay!

I'm out on day release, don't mind me. Yeah, you got into it. I did get into it. Like, that's a natural reaction. For me, it was like, okay, well, I'm here to do this and we're doing it. And that's all good. Like, for you, it's all different. Yeah. I was more excited for what you me, it was like, okay, well, I'm here to do this, and we're doing it, and that's all good. Like, for you, it's all different. Yeah.

So I was more excited for what you thought of it. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I just want you to be happy. Because otherwise, it's very scary for me. I was very happy. We're perfectly. Great.

Yeah, it did go. It was an awesome experience. I genuinely had a really great time. Yeah, yeah. We got really drunk. Yeah. We stayed in a little B&B together. We stayed in a bad area

of Liverpool, which... I mean, all of it's bad. I couldn't understand a single thing that any fuck had come up there said to me the entire time apart from you. That's the thing, because back home, you watch this thing... I've been watching soccer all my life, and you watch on TV and you go, oh man, everything's... thing, you know, I've been watching Soco all my life, and you watch on TV and you go,

oh, man, everything's, how amazing must Liverpool be? And then you go and see it and go, is this what I've been barracking for? I mean, I hate Uber drivers making small talk at the best of times, let alone in that city. Jesus Christ. Like, fucking hell. And the other thing that we don't have back home is, like, you guys have just got all crime posters all over the place.

Like, watch out, don't get raped. Yeah, we're cool with it back home. Yeah, we've got signs at home going, rape someone, make it interesting. Watch out. But there are these heaps of, like, heaps of crime pickpocket signs and stuff like that.

It's scary. It scares me. Oh, my friend told me the other day that there's like a common thing here. I guess this would happen in heaps of places, but it must be very common here where like someone will, if you're on your phone on the street, someone will ride past you on a bike and like snatch the phone out of your hand. Right.

That happens really. Has that ever happened to anyone? Has that ever happened to anyone? Oh, really? So what, you're just standing there on Facebook, walking past, and just fucking... Just updating your status, having a terrific crime-free day, loving my phone, sick.

And then Lance Armstrong burls past and goes, fuck, now he's done two fuck things. This is a friend of mine who moved over here not that long ago and she's moved over here with a very old phone where the screen is cracked and everything. So she said this guy pinches it out of her hand and she'd heard about this happening and she's like oh fuck! And then she sees him not that

far up the road. Just get a look at it and see how old and fucked the phone is and then just chuck it. She's like cool I guess but also burn. Not good enough to steal I know did she get it back? yeah she just went

and picked it up did she get it back? she's like no I'm with him that's a bad idea if a thief went this is not good enough to steal maybe I'd be like

well maybe I should upgrade my shit right this is a real wake up call thank you thief yeah getting the cops to track him down to just say thank you you really opened my eyes like, well maybe I should upgrade my shirt. This is a real wake up call. Thank you, thief. Getting the cops to track him down to just say, thank you. You really opened my eyes to what a pov-cun I was walking down the

phone with a cracked screen. Speaking of pov-cuns, should we get our first guest in? Please welcome back Russell Houtenough. Please welcome Nick Kappa. Hey guys, I'm back What a great I love putting this suit on and the makeup on every day You're off the hook after tonight, right?

So just for people at home, you are in the full tuxedo you're in the makeup, you're in the lipstick, you're in the eyeliner, all of that sort of stuff as per the challenge Do we call it a challenge? is that what this is? the listeners are paid for you to come all the way across the world in the most fuckedest way, in the most fuckedest appearance

and you're still cool with it, yeah? yeah, I'm fine with it the free holiday challenge who did you neck nominate? after tonight I will no longer look like a big weirdo and just go back

to looking like a weirdo. A real step down. Do you think, you're going to get trauma from, like, if you ever go to a wedding again and put the tux on again?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm just going to envision fucking people, like, people laughing at me on a train, like, collectively.

Like, old people were laughing at me on a train. I'm like, you're old. I should be laughing at me on a train collectively. Like old people were laughing at me on a train. I'm like, you're old. I shouldn't be laughing at you. I've got more time on the clock, grandpa. I would have thought it would have been the other thing. You take the tux off and it's like phantom limb. You know what I mean?

You're going to reach for the tails that aren't there. Constantly readjusting your bow tie. Oh man, it happened last night. The fans here in England are very hospitable. They're very hospitable with, yeah, with a lot of stuff.

And let's just say I was, well, I was rocking last night. I was bloody partying. It is nearly summer here, but there was a lot of snow in the atmosphere.

Putting the skis on, big time. Yeah, it was Mount Kosciuszko. An Australian mountain. That's cool. I think you've still got some of it on you. Oh no, that's other white stuff. That's cum. You were doing lines of cum last night. It's cheaper over here it's cut

purer it's a British custom walk around with cum on your shoulder they don't put any washing powder into the cum over here they don't cut it up like that last night I was in a

I just went to a... I was that... I'd been... People had been very hospitable to me and I just ended up in a nightclub by myself dancing.

And I was just there and I thought, oh yeah, cool. This is going good but people tend to be staying away from me. And I was like... And then I looked in a mirror

and I was like, fuck. I am wearing a t then I looked in a mirror. Fuck. I am wearing a tuxedo with lipstick. Yeah, I woke up this morning to a message from you that you'd sent at 2am going, hey bro, is that party you were at still going? I've got a screenshot in my phone. You're a piece of shit because we went,

as we were talking about, we went and watched the Liverpool match. We went and watched the Liverpool match and I was very, very tense. Like, I was very upset.

There was a couple of equalisers and Mo Salah got injured 30 minutes ago. I was like, this whole fucking thing's done. We're done. We're fucking done.

Meanwhile, this cunning lipstick in a tuxedo is walking around the whole pub going, I, Barrick, for Newcastle. My favourite player is Mr for Newcastle. My favourite player

is Mr Newcastle. Man, all the Newcastle players, they're a great bunch of players. My favourite is um, is it here? Some foreign name. I was getting... He's a

Brexiter. Yeah, I've got a mate and he barracks for Tottenham and I was like oh cool how many British

players are on he goes pretty good actually about six or seven oh cool all right

yeah that's heaps well where yeah we're no no it isn't when you play for like Tottenham

and you're like oh hello Marcel who do you play for Tottenham and you're like, oh hello Marcel, who do you play for? Welcome to the stage, Nick Farage. Hello Ngu, who do you play for? Tottenham. Fucking hell, Boris Kappa. Fucking hell. I've never seen the real country boy

of Nick Capper come out there and throw him. No, it's not bad. It's not a bad thing, but I thought, oh, like, you know, I just thought that was real funny. Because, like, I guess... No, I thought it was very funny. Talk me through the humour in that situation. This person comes from another country.

No wonder you grew up on a farm. You're so good at digging this hole right now. Isn't that why clubs started? Yeah, for white people. You're right. Well, that was my next bit. So guys, after this, I will be holding a meeting You know who's welcome Please come to my stand-up show

Please come to my stand-up show after this. Please come to his stand-up show slash rally. You've got to be careful, man. We're foreigners here, you know. We're the outsiders. No, this is how you fit in in England. That's good advice. What are we going to do after this to really, you know,

ingrain ourselves into British society? Don't say that stuff when officially, when you went through customs, apparently you're on holidays. You're already in enough trouble once we go through there and people find out what the fuck's going on. I didn't know you guys were paying me until now.

I just got a cast from Russell Howard. If anything, he'll get arrested. Guys, you should have been here last night. Russell Howard, not only was he here, he was giving out money. Have you burned through all that? Because you then, Lee...

So Russell Howard paid you $500 yesterday because of the whole straight hair challenge as well. Yes. Yes. So that's the trouble. This has never been done before. Nick Capper walking around a foreign city with money in his pocket.

And he gave it to me like nearly all of it in Emirates, the Emirates dollar. What? Emirates money. I forget what it's called. Durham's or something like that. They're delicious by the way.

Is that for real? Yeah, he did. It was like, I don't know, 80 pounds in Delicious, by the way. Is that for real? Yeah, he did, yeah. So it was like, I don't know, 80 pounds in British money and then... 80 pounds in British money. Can you guys make the translation there? I'm getting confused, guys. What is the translation?

What do you get for 50 British pounds into English money these days? My nickname is Western Union. Yeah, so... But the rest of it was in... He must have went to Dubai or something. Right. I don't know.

How do you figure? That or... Fuck off, Sherlock Holmes. Kappa's on the case. But yeah, I had to go to the money place to exchange it. I didn't need to exchange it, but I just thought I would get it out of the way. Slow down with all the technical terms. Yeah.

Just quickly, Sherlock homeless. Anyway. Very nice. That's not bad. That was on the fly as well. Thanks to you. Other than that, he had it in the... Oh, fuck.

It came to me in a dream last night. I was like, I reckon I'll know when to use this one. Yeah, but... But you walked out of here last night with just this pocket full of money and my friend was here and she was like begging you. She's like, please, I'm going to see you again tomorrow. Please let me

have some of this money because I don't trust you to be walking around London with the equivalent of 500 Australian dollars in your fucking pocket. She's like, he's got this insane amount of money. You're like, it'll be fine. Anyway, how much of it has gone on to substances last night? How much have you left? Actually, it's been all right.

As I said before, everyone's been very honest. I'm moving here. That's like, seriously. You certainly didn't spend any of it on deodorant, so that's...

Let's get a second guest on. Alright, folks, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Ray Badger! Cheers. Cheers.

Just pad some time. That's cool. Take as long as you need. People at home love to hear clinking, so just don't get near the mic. Just clink glasses for five minutes. What are you drinking there, Ray? Is that water? Come on, mate. They're already fucking having a bit of a go at me You know Scotch

That's been Ray Badger and everybody I told you we were having problems Booking the guests on the set You couldn't get this kind of content at home folks This is what I came up I gave everyone cheers We were here We've got that on record

It's a kind gesture, really. Hello, I haven't seen you for a long time. Lovely to see you. Great. Can we do that backstage? Can you just hit the ground running? When you get on stage with the content, we don't need any clinking,

we don't need any explanations of clinking. I didn't want this to happen to me. I wanted to come up here and have a nice time with everyone, you know, and I tried to start night. I actually really tried. I went above and beyond with the cheers, you know. I tried to be harder than usual. It sounds pretty good.

I'm going back in for another one. Oh, thanks, mate. That actually was very nice. I did enjoy that a lot. Not into it. And bloody Kappa's over here being a big racist, you know. I did enjoy that a lot. Not into it. And buddy, Kappa's over here. Yeah. Being a big racist, you know.

Yeah. I agree. He called it, he called it Emirates money as well. Emirates. The airline. The airline, not the country.

The airline. Yeah, we've just, we've just flown in from Qantas. Yeah. With your Qantas money, I'm assuming. It's good to be in British Airways.

Our material's a little bit antset. One for the Aussies in the room. Capers is a big Jetstar. It's like EasyJet or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, shut up, mate. They have whiz Air here my friend told me she went on a trip over the weekend and she's like yeah our flight was delayed for 8 hours

you know our Whiz Air flight I'm like who could have predicted that an airline with the name Whiz Air wouldn't be the most reliable source of travel I named my plane after piss you know what dumb fuck airways they've screwed me over again you know when they're compensating because they've got these big purple airplanes You know what? Don't fuck Airways. They'd screw me over again.

You know when they're compensating because they've got these big purple airplanes? You're compensating for something else, mate. Just because it's a different colour doesn't mean it's bad. Hear more about that after the show. The colour purple is... So you see a fucking guy walking around in a big grimace costume and you're like,

that guy in there must have a tiny dick. It's compensating for something else. Don't spend money on really ridiculous pain and just make a good animal. It's like a revolving restaurant. It's a guy wearing a tuxedo.

Sometimes you've got to you know if you're good already it doesn't hurt to put a bit of icing on the cake wow a crazier

version of Howard Hughes good stuff thanks for coming back Ray you know just a pleasure to put on a big

comedy show fly all the way to London and then just put Australians on the bill so it's good well cheers we haven't seen you for a while

so you live here now so I think last time we saw you you were back in Oz but now you live in Old Blimey yep that's what this is called now I think I live here not too far away from here

and there That's what this is called now, I think. Yeah, I live here, not too far away from here. And, yeah. He's done it again. You shouldn't have given him such a hardball question. Well, I came here. I cheers everyone. Yes, yes. I've answered the question honestly, you know.

And you mock at me for this, you know. Like I said, it's great to see you boys all is forgiven Nick Capper let's get back to the racial comedy of Nick Capper Europe sounds exciting so yeah I live here and

I came in yesterday actually, delayed visa so a little bit jet lagged. Great. I will not have you sully the good name of jet lag by blaming this performance on it. All right, I'm on,

everything from now on will be funny. I'll make it a note. I'll be to that. I'm keeping a scorecard of Ray Badger. Don't quantify this, please. I'm going to be the court stenographer of Ray Badger from now on.

Right. We'll put a good column and a bad column. I don't like that you're adjudicating There's one of the bad columns. Not a good idea to diss the judge. No.

Your Honour, you're a cunt. I plead innocent. No. Okay, wait. This guy here seems to be having a little bit of a laugh. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the pad. Another bad idea. Wow, twon't have the pad. Another bad ad. Wow, 2-0.

No, this is rigged. This is clearly rigged, alright? There's nothing I can do here. You are teetering on a 3-0 performance. For those playing at home, Ray Badgerman is pointing towards a white man. He lacks diversity. Start a page for Kappa

and let's pit them against each other. Oh, okay, alright. Kappa versus Badgerin. Nice. How is he an Australian guy who's got brown skin? Can we get some kind of

funding for having the two of you on the same podcast? I'll start up a scorecard. Ray Badgerin, good versus bad. Nick Capper, racist versus non-racist. There we go. And you've got a clean slate.

A nice, white, clean slate. That's the way I like it. There we go, 1-0. You're all trying for that one. If you had a blackboard I'd be really happy Fuck it, I'll see you mate This is the best Contiki tour I've ever been on This is the best Contiki tour I've ever been on. Did any of you guys, because your podcast has an aware group, a Facebook group.

Yep. People aware of the Little Dumb and Dull on Facebook, yeah. Yeah, people are in that group. And last night, because once again, the crowd had been very hospitable, I was trying to get into... Milan said, why don't you come to my hotel room, because I'm a very hospitable man. So Milan is in my hotel. I told him to stay in my hotel, and then I got to my hotel

and went, Milan, do not stay here. This is an absolute shithole. And then he'd already booked, and he got there yesterday and has just been fucking yelling at me since it is terrible I rock up to the hotel and yeah I was flying and I

I said I am here to see Milan I am here to see Milan I put it this way the personal reception you wouldn't be the biggest fan if he was holding his scorecard you wouldn't be getting in look I don't see any of that

anyway I said I said yeah I'm here to see Milan. He goes, oh, all good. What's his last name? And then I realised I didn't know Milan's last name. I knew it was Serbian, so I just went, you know, Milan's... Oh, it bodes for Newcastle. Milan's Serbia.

Yeah, so he's like, no, you cannot come in. You don't know your friend's last name. There's no way I'm going to let you in. So he kicks me out on the street. This must make you feel good, Carl. Security's pretty good at this hotel. I know the sounds of it. Exactly, because to be honest, their security is you get to the front door

and the guy just sees you and goes, do you want to come in? And I go, yeah, and he just lets you in. So that's the normal stuff. I've come to see you twice to record stuff, and then I've just sat in the foyer, just on my phone, waiting on the couch. No one asks me what I'm doing there. No one bothers me. It's great.

Great. Yeah, but I was wearing a tuxedo with makeup. And what was it, about two or three in the morning? Yeah, two or three in the morning. So yeah, there's a lot of alarm bells going off there. Right. But did you get in in the end? No, I didn't get in.

So I saw one of the hospitable fans walk out of the hotel. Because from what I heard was that Milan's room was so full of hospitality that everyone got kicked out. I thought you were in there. No, no. So I couldn't get in. So someone just posted in the aware group, the person that saw me, hey, Nick is out. Hey Milan, Nick is outside.

He can't get in. So I get a call frantic from my girlfriend this morning because she's in the aware group are you dead? like and I was like why how do you know this?

and she's like I saw about 20 Instagram stories of you absolutely blind and then they said someone posted in the away group, hey Milan, Nick is outside. Can't get in. You must have hated being blind, only seeing black.

Maybe we should get a tally for Carl. Carl's going to open for me after the show? Should be nice. Stop putting ads for your show within our recorded podcast that comes out in a few weeks. Just say the code word DUMDUM and you'll get in. We don't know if our third guest is here.

No, he's here. Oh, he's here. I know it. Ollie's just down the road. I've met him before. Cheers, cheers, man. I've met him before. Cheers, man. Cheers. Car warning, do not

cheers the guest, the host, when you come up here. Alright, he's at the back. 3-0. I honestly think someone else should be doing the scoring here. Alright, Tommy, introduce him, please.

Folks, please welcome in a little Dunlop Club, Carl Donnelly! Thank you. A handshake will do. No, just go. Hit the mic. Hit the mic. Get quick. Get quick.

Open with your best joke, Carl. You're in trouble, baby. It's good to be here. I've tipped it for the moustache team. 3-2. Don't talk about fucking scores. Finally good to get someone from this country on this podcast. Carl, I actually live here. And where do you live?

Just not far, just down the road. Carl, how far away do you live? I live about 6.2 miles, according to my sat-nav. What a fucking loser. I live in a place called Harleston. Anyone know Harleston? It's a good old fashioned shop Harleston? oh really?

yes proper shit this area is quite trendy obviously you're visiting yep just for the cheap drugs we might need to go to Harleston the home of affordable cocaine what makes his appearance

make you think that he's on drugs? the way you're dressed Carl you look like one of those hospitable men we were talking about. I'm much less hospitable than I used to be in the early days. I still, now and again, am relatively

hospitable. You invite someone around. Now and again. Cook a small meal. But yeah, I used to be an absolutely king of spits I don't have my cards well you told me

you told me that you have a story about you being in Estonia oh yeah I've got a because we've been to Serbia

last week so oh really I am cultured alright well it's our basics we're talking about stories

it's weird because obviously if you seem to be a drunk traveller it is obviously this is an easy country to get

isn't it but you go to some of the further afield countries it gets a little bit spicy I went on a

stag do last year which I fucking hate you have bucks parties don't you what are bucks parties like in Australia

how long are they they're pretty loose but they're not long they're not long they can you don't have a cheap country near you

to just go and destroy their country for one weekend you have weekends I don't have weekends I got invited on one last year

comedian Kai Humphries it was seven days in Spain fucking hell it's not fucking stag do that's a holiday isn't it

right but I went on one to Estonia and I tried to find I was drunk in it and I thought I wanted to try and find something for the evening and I'd never tried to buy drugs in Eastern Europe before turns out they do it very differently

oh man I asked a guy I was on my own as well. I left the bar. I thought I'd leave my mates in there and go and find something. So I thought it'd be cool then to come back half an hour later and they'd be like,

where are you? And I'd be like... You know one of those silver trays? Say hello to my little friend. You look like you should be holding a silver tray. Yes. I never do a silver tray. Silver tray. Anyway, see me after the show.

At your show? Yes. I went off on my own thing and that was the better of the options. I met a guy, he looked like a drug dealer. You see a bloke, you're like,

that's definitely a drug dealer. On his own on a Friday night. What race was he? When he was Eastern European he was your type. What's your feelings about Eastern European because you know

from all appearances? Love it there mate. No they're great people. They're great? Yeah. Nice alright. Why not? Do they have mostly

Eastern European players on their soccer teams? That's more for the safety of non-white players. Don't really want to travel there. But yeah so it's a nice call,

but it's a bit, basically I followed a guy down an alleyway, he told me, come with me, and we got down there, and I thought, yeah, I thought, The story's about to get hot. Well, basically, he asked me what I wanted,

and I said, what have you got? He said, MDMA, and I didn't want that, I was on a stag do, I didn't want to just hug everyone. I said, what else? He said, cocaine. I went, all right, I might have to try that. And then I went, but I want to try something before I buy it, mate, I'm not want that. I was on a stag do. I didn't want to just hug everyone. I said, what else? He said, cocaine. I went, all right, I might have to try that.

And then I went, but I want to try something before I buy it, mate. I'm not an idiot. Which, obviously, having followed a stranger down an alleyway. Yeah, I'm not an idiot. Let me snort some of your mystery substance off a bin. He had like a little tester bag from his pocket, and he pulled it out. Are you sure it was in the pocket? it was so weird, when he just pulled it out

like it was just the only thing in there so it went like that popped it open with one hand, has anyone ever seen that move before? possibly an Eastern European is this a trap? you just go, has anyone seen a drug dealer do this? hey, you're under arrest cocaine, What is that

like? You've only ever snorted hospitality. I love having the sample ready to go, like just a book of

fucking carpet samples just in the back pocket. It's like a little bottle of aftershave in the airport. And then I was

looking at him trying to work out what happens next and I meant to get something out to do it, is he going to give

me something? And he went like that and he pulled out from the back of his tracksuit bottoms, which he was wearing, the biggest fucking sword I've ever seen. It was like a sort of two-foot machete, like that. And he stood

there like that, and I genuinely thought I was about to get my head cut off, right? So obviously I thought, this is it. He's going to rob me, isn't it? This is why he's brought me down here. And he didn't. While staring at me, he flipped it around and put it in the bag came out of a big bit on the end of a machete and just went

and it just went under my nose you're lucky you still got the mustache that's why I grew it to give a buffer it was a full beard before this

I can't believe you bought drugs off Zorro. It was actually the accuracy of it was impressive. For kids at home, we're trying to say to kids at home, drugs are not cool, but fuck, they sound cool. No, but this is where it does backfire, because I did it off the end of a sword, which is a new thing for me. What were you doing it off the end of a sword, which is a new thing for me. What were you doing it off the end of last night, Kappa?

What were you doing drugs off the end of last night? Anyway, funny story to see what this wacky world of drugs is like. But I sniffed it and my head almost exploded. It absolutely wasn't coke at all. I reckon it was like dishwashing powder with hay fever tablets. I don't know if you're educated guests.

But the thing is, he held it in my face. He put all the money into the sword. He's got enough into the project. He's kind of like the whiz air of rugby. But he held it there. He could tell I was not enjoying it, so when I he could tell I was not enjoying it but then I couldn't

not buy it could I? Oh right of course What he's done is basically he's just got he's put himself in a very strong negotiation

Yeah If you get a door to door salesman who leads with a fucking knife sure I'll take an encyclopedia So yeah

I just had to buy it off him. It was only 100 euros, which is a lot of money to just throw down a drain. But in your country, that's probably sort of normal, isn't it? You should have pulled out a bigger sword with the money on the end of it. What's pointing towards his dick?

And it's just Monopoly money. Oh, right here. Sorry, I thought you were taking a short walk back to your house. Fuck, have we got a fourth guest on we didn't need to do this? Who's this? I may live close, and not that far away. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Let me get this pen ready.

Close and not far away. No, no. I've got the pen just in the and not far away. No, no. I mean, you've put a lot of... I've got the pen just in the middle of the two columns at the moment. Ready to go. You've put a lot of pressure on my little interjection. And it was time and place too. Because Carl said...

If it's good enough, it'll land. Well, Carl said... Which Carl? Carl Donnelly. Right, okay. Carl said it. Which Carl? Carl Donnelly. Right, okay. He said it cost 100 euros. Yes, go on. And I was going to interject with,

Cap would call that 100 Estonian eggs. I believe it would have got a big, you know, if I'd have got bugged off. Mate, take your point and fuck off. You got your point. Stand down. All right, you get the bad one now. Now you get the bad one.

Four, one. Four, one. You keep talking, you'll get a fifth one. It's hard to get a fucking point. You want to keep taking me, do you? You want to keep going. I fucking lost the next one. There's a fifth one.

There's a fifth one. Five ones. I can't actually get points, you know? I don't know how to get the points. It's quite hard at this point for me to get a point. Ray has delivered an introduction on the equivalent of cocaine in Estonia.

It was on the edge of a sword. Shit, don't put a point down for me. It wasn't racist. Kaper has to get a point. It's actually quite bullshit. That's racist because it made white people look bad. I don't like this fucking game.

For one, you shouldn't be doing this. Carl shouldn't be doing the scoring. The stripy shirt guy over there should be doing the scoring. He's given me a couple of laughs. I've seen it. If you keep the fucking notepad down, I can get back into the game. Is that how you think the court works?

It's like, it doesn't matter about the judge. Someone in the audience thinks I didn't kill someone, so I'm sure. No, that is how the court works. I make an objection because the jury, there's a mistrial because the jury is fucked, you know? One of the jury

members knows me and they've got a vendetta against me. They've got a vendetta. Two of the jury members knows me and they've got a vendetta against me they've got a vendetta to two of the jury members actually now you're

insulting my friend is that what you're saying see see what I mean here we go and I believe

we should call a new jury in the stripy shirt man over here row two second from the stripy shirt

what do you think of his performance so far he He's been pretty fucked, though. Case closed! You're my only friend, you're my only... Oh, no, no, there's someone else here that asked me for a lighter outside.

Who is here that asked me for a lighter outside? You can't ask for two retrials. I've got, I've got... You can, you can go up to, like, a Supreme Court, I've seen Making a Murderer and shit. You can go to a different court. Nah, the jury's out. You've got a few different trials.

And you go to other avenues. Where's the curly-haired chick from before that asked me for a line-up? Fuck, I love... It's a sign of a great comedian, but you're remembering individual people who laughed at some... Yeah, who's this

do we have any lawyers in the crowd that can back this up can someone be hospitable towards Ray right now I've just got to say I'm a bit jet lagged I live around I'm tired of this shit I've been on this fucking podcast

before it goes like this every fucking time I was like I'll be funny this time and I came on trying to start strong actually I thought here we go I'll bond with him, you know? What better way to bond?

If you speak within 15 seconds of getting on stage, it's usually a good one. Oh, no. Good on you, mate. Yeah. All right, Carl can continue his story, mate. I think it was over. So did you.

Sort of over. Did you desperately have the powder afterwards yeah so actually we got back to the club

and they asked where I'd been that's how I got this my friend Paul went

give it here he went to the toilet didn't appear for about 40

minutes and then when he came out I said where have you been I've been

sitting on a toilet waiting for my nose to stop bleeding that would be great

if you just took it went home washed your clothes. A load of dishes. At your

bucks, Carl, I ended up in the... At mine, Carl Chandler, you mean. Yeah, sorry, at yours, Carl Chandler. I ended up in the toilets with a hospitable group of men. At my bucks? There's a lot of hospitality no matter what country you go to. On my bucks, I don't remember being shown any

hospitality would you have partaken? no no no you'd gone home by this point to get some of that real old fashioned home style hospitality I was in a cubicle with some hospitable men

and we were partaking and one of our friends was doing a line and then I made a joke we're going into the metaphor

of hospitality and then we just go anyway then I put coke up my nose honestly my brain was starting to hurt

with trying to work out how to keep doing that dance but as my friend was going down I said something funny. Hang on.

Alright. Sorry. There seems to have been some confusion. As my friend was sucking on my penis that was in his mouth at the time. Doing a line of dick. Yes. If anyone's got any of that hospitality,

just don't put it in the aware group. Don't put it in the aware group. Don't put it in my aware group. Hey, Milano, Nick's inside. He's getting his dick sucked. Girlfriend's like, oh, at least he's not dead. Another column for homophobia on there. I'll start a new one. But yeah, my friend was

partaking and then I said something funny and then he laughed and the line just went everywhere. It just went... And then a friend of ours, Brendan, who's a real cunt, goes, fucking El Dacilo, worst time for you to get the first laugh of your career.

and El Dacilo, war is time for you to get the first laugh of your career. And Brendan listens to the show so he'll appreciate that laugh. I've forgotten that until the other day. Someone reminded me of it.

I'm like, my friend was like, sorry to remind you of this one. I'm like, you can't even be mad at shit that's that good of a burn. He's just great stuff. Hang on,

what's a line? I've only been shown hospitality. We were doing line dancing, you know. We were doing a little jig together. Ah, okay, like a Congo line. Yeah, it was improv. Whose line is it anyway? It's always mine.

But what's your vibe on Estonia? Good? It's a stag do. You don't really get to see anything. You just go around and smash the place up and then come home, really. Right. That's sort of how it works, isn't it? Us in Serbia, it was almost as if we were on a stag do.

Yeah. Yeah. If everyone else wants to incriminate themselves, go for it. But I'll just keep score with everyone else. Is that it? I don't know. What time did we get out of here? I actually haven't said that much.

I'm told you kind of the vicinity of where I live. I'm checking my scorecard. It seems like you've said at least six. No, fuck my scorecard. It seems like you've said at least six... No, fuck the scorecard, all right? You've said at least six things... And fuck the guy that's driving the show. I mean, he's fucking lying. He's fucking lying.

No, no, judging from his appearance, he has a great opinion. Yeah, you know why? Because Kappa likes him because he's nothing on his shirt but lines. He's got his hair in like a bit of a man bun, which is kind of like a British explorer, which I am a fan of.

Fuck. What time did you get to bed? Yeah. Anyway. Donnelly, your first time on this podcast and you couldn't have picked a more typical episode to be a part of. This is sort of what it's like all of the time.

A waking nightmare. I feel like I've actually been quite funny on the other end. Well, when you read the history books in years to come, it won't look like that. The scorecard doesn't lie, my friend. Alright. One last

crack. What have you got? This is the difference between 6-1 and 6-2. Get a consolation point on the board. This is the fucking pressure I'm under. You sit there with a fucking school card, right? Yeah, I'm aware. To close the show,

I've got to tell a funny quick, a funny story. That's what this podcast is for. What did you think you were coming on here to do? What's your name? Stripe your shit. Mitch, are you Australian? Yeah. You are you Australian? Yeah.

You live in London? Yeah. How about... Raise back, everybody. It might be travelling. It might be travelling. Oh, I want to be... This is the court.

Is this leading to something? I'm hoping Mitch... I'll allow it if it's leading to something. Despite the fact that Mitch and I have had a bit of a fall out earlier, right? I'm hoping now we can team up together and bring the podcast home together. Yep.

Go on. Mitch, have you got any funny stories? I know they like me but maybe together but for double act alright that'll do final score

6-1 one to him one to Mitch Alright, that'll do. Final score. Two. Let's give, no, six one, one to him. One to Mitch. One to Mitch. Racist, not racist. Oh, actually, he was not racist

two to one. Oh, not bad. Yeah. But still, join me after. Oh, you did only start scoring that after it said about

40 racists. Yes, you're right. You are right. Who invited you, Carl? You're a real upset to our race, okay? Alright, guys. Thanks very much for listening. Give a big round of applause for Ray Badgeran,

Luke Ruffoff, Carl Donnelly. Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next time. And they've done it again. They have officially done it again in London. Yep. We did it once and then that was it again.

24 hours later, we were back to do it again. Fuck. We had a big night after the first show and then we got up, dusted ourselves off, and did it again. Yep. Time to dream it all up again. Fuck. It is a little bit behind the scenes of Little Dumb Dumb Club, the live shows. Whenever we do back-to-back shows and stuff in close proximity, this is basically how it goes. We go, we've got two or three shows to do, so we make heaps of notes.

We get all our content together. We go, right, we've got all this. We need to get all this done and pack the shows full of this and whatever and the first show was all of that and then the second show just goes oh what else is going on and then it generally goes probably better than the one with all the content in yes 100 it's like you put the work in and you put the effort in to have a solid backing yeah but then it all goes out the window and it doesn't matter. Yeah.

But you do need to get up there and feel like you have some kind of net. Oh, for sure. Yeah. We had, I felt like all the notes, personally, all the notes I made nearly all went into that first episode. And so that episode that we just did, I was like, all right, I've got four notes for this. And then we didn't touch any of it. Yeah.

Yeah. One hundred percent. Yeah. We, yeah, we, I mean, we had, we sort of had two big topics that we thought, okay, that'll be this show. And then we didn't get any of it. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we sort of had two big topics that we thought, okay, that'll be this show, and then we didn't get to them until the one after. Oh, right, yeah. But, yeah, great fun.

Carl Donnelly, first time on the show. Very nice of him to come down, break the speed limit to make it to the venue in time. Yeah. That was us booking guests on the day. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah, nice of him. Venue in time. Yep. That was us booking guests on the day. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep.

Nice of him. Nice of him to fill the yawning chasm that was that third guest position. And good to have Badron back on the show. Yes, lovely. After a while. Yeah. Lovely to have Ray Badron. Our old pal, Ray Badron.

Hopefully people like him because he's heaps of fun to do, particularly live shows. He's great. I think he's one of our favorite live showers. Yeah. Yeah. He's aaps of fun to do, particularly live shows. He's great. I think he's one of our favourite live showers. Yeah, yeah. He's a fucking idiot. A great example of what we're talking about, where all the plans just go straight out the window once you get him involved. Yeah, not much more we need to say on that.

Yeah, that was the first of our back-to-back shows, so we did that show, we did a bit of stand-up before that, we did that show and then uh kicked everyone out um which is a bit of a shame i guess that thing where you have to kick everyone out and you sort of think oh they'll come to the third show no not necessarily yeah there were plenty of people who only had a ticket to the one who we didn't necessarily get to hang out with afterwards i think a few people did kind of just kill time for that hour that we did the show after that and then came back into the bar after that right there were plenty of people i met that were like yeah we went and got food and then came back oh okay

that's good yeah uh yeah so thank you to everyone that did that if we didn't have time to say hello i'm very sorry about that but um we we certainly we certainly did on the first and the third shows so yeah yeah yeah i mean i feel bad if people missed out but i don't feel bad about i don't feel like in any way i didn't put enough time into hanging out with people. I couldn't have done any more. Yes, totally. No, I absolutely agree. We should have a bit of self-respect for ourselves and hang out with people less.

Let's draw a line in the sand where we go, okay, it's now officially meet and greet style. We can charge people money to come hang out. No, there's no way. There's no way we can do that. That would be funny to just flick the switch overnight and go, this's no way. There's no way we could do that. That would be funny to just flick the switch overnight and go, this is how it is now, guys.

Yeah. Audacious. What an arrogant way of doing it. Especially doing it in Melbourne where everyone's so over-familiar with you. Where it's like, we're sitting there going, does anyone want to talk to us?

And everyone's like, no. Well, it's 50 bucks. Yeah, yeah. Yes. What else? Koh Samui is coming up June 11 till 16. Yeah, it's sort of funny. That is very close now as this episode comes out.

It is very close. So we do know there's a few people playing chicken with Koh Samui and seeing who blinks first. Is it that close at this point? It probably is. It is just about because the day that this episode is up is the day that I get back from the UK. Right. And I have, I think, like 10 days or something before I head off. Yeah, right.

Okay. Well, look, that's insane. If you're reacting to this ad right now to go to Costa Muli, amazing. Do it. I want to hear. We'd love to hear about it. I want to hear about it because that is fucking crazy stuff. It's crazy stuff, but it isn't too late. No. You can still get in. You'll be able to get a room. You'll be able to get a flight. You'll be able to hear about it. I want to hear about it. Because that is fucking crazy stuff. It's crazy stuff, but it isn't too late.

No. You can still get in. You'll be able to get a room. You'll be able to get a flight. You'll be able to get a ticket. So don't worry. If you're thinking like, God, I'd love to do something crazy, but I don't think I can. You absolutely can.

If you just got dumped, you got sat on your ass and you need a sea change, come along. Cry on our metaphorical shoulders. I can't stress enough, don't cry on our actual shoulders. Oh, Christ. After we've just been saying, fuck, we've been hanging around with two people too much after the show. Don't come and cry after the show. That's always fun. A drunk punter after the show treating you like a counsellor.

Yeah. Love a bit of that. Yeah. Good stuff. Actually, yeah, don't come. Actually, we're full. We're full, everyone. Yeah.

If you've been dumped, if you've ended a relationship but you're feeling positive about it, you know, you're ready. This is you bouncing back, then go for it. Come along and keep it to yourself. Yes, bottle it up. Yeah. You know, be happy until you get back to your hotel room, bring a fucking slab back with you and then get it out.

There you go. Yeah, that's the way to do it. Cry into your pillow. Keep your chin up in front of us. Don't embarrass yourself in front of your actual heroes. Also, Sydney, July the 27th at the Giant Dwarf. It's us doing solo shows and a big live podcast. Last time we were up in Sydney, it was a fantastic evening.

Looking forward to doing it again. So, yeah, get a ticket to that. Also, Newcastle, that is sold out, but just a reminder that that is coming up. And thank you to everyone who sold out that show. Really looking forward to that weekend in New South Wales. Yep, great stuff. Rightio, let's get to business, I guess. It's been a long trip.

This is, I mean, we've still got a week to go next week in terms of the episode. But this is the last thing you and I record together. Yes. In the UK. Yep. Before you go off and start traveling. Yeah. What happens is I go back to my wife and child and you go off to.

I have nothing to go back to. You go to the motherland. I do. You go to the mother country. I go to. Well, yeah. I mean, by the time people hear this, I will be back, but I'm going on Wednesday, two days after we do this, I'm going to Gay Paris. Oh, nice.

Mm-hmm. And then I'm going to, yeah, to Italy. Yes. After that. And then Barcelona. Right. You're going to go and kick them in the fucking teeth for beating Liverpool? Yeah. Nice. If you want me to do that. I do want you to do that. Carl Chandler says hello. Yeah. Right You're going to go and Kick them in the fucking teeth For beating Liverpool Yeah

If you want me to do that I do want you to do that Carl Chandler says hello Yeah Boom Yeah That's it Passport control

Yeah Great Great That's exciting Barcelona Yeah And Italy Which I

I had enough time To just do one Extra place But I kind of didn't know What I wanted to do And it was recommended To me by the travel agent

to the podcasting stars Keishon in a flight centre in Perth on one of our many exchanges taking place at a very awkward time

because of the time difference between Melbourne and Perth he said I recommend Barcelona I think you'd really enjoy it great so yeah

looking forward to seeing what that's like I would like to go there I've got no interest in Paris but I'd be interested in Barcelona for sure. Yeah. Well, I'll report back. Yeah.

I'll find a venue for the 2020 Barcelona Podcast Festival. Great. Great. Well, why not? We went to fucking Serbia. Yeah. Very excited. Excited to hear what you think about Italy.

Yeah. When you go back to... I can't wait. I've been wanting to go for a little while now, so it's very exciting for me. How many days in Paris are you doing? Three, I think. Right. Yeah.

Well, I'm looking forward to going home, to be honest. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's different when you've got... Being a new dad, being a parent, you would understand. As a parent. Yes. But, yeah, look, it's a bit of a new... I do feel very guilty being over here.

Yeah, you should. Yeah. But it is work. Yeah, for sure. You know what? It makes me feel a bit better that I'm not having particularly any fun over here. Like I'm doing shows. Yeah.

And then going back to the Ecuadorian embassy and locking myself in. Yeah. And trolling the internet for fucking London comedians. Yeah. So I'm not on any roller coasters or anything like that. But how do you think, because this trip sort of came about because you were just going to go watch the soccer anyway. I wanted to, yeah.

You wanted to, yeah. Yeah. So had we, because you put it to me, you're like, would you have any interest in doing a thing in London? Yeah. And I was like, sure, I'd like to use it as an excuse to do but europe as well i'm in let's do it yeah had i not been into it and you had just come over by yourself to watch the soccer yeah how guilty do you think you would have felt then well when you didn't have the excuse of it being work as well i not as guilty because effectively

we've been here for two weeks because of that yeah so i would not have been here for two weeks right i would have come over here and watched the match and come back again. Really? Yeah. Wow. I would have come over for like three days. Wow. For sure. That's fucked. Well, I can't justify it. I know. I'm not saying you shouldn't, but just the time it

takes to get here and the jet lag and everything, that would be a fucking wild thing to do. Yes. And also, something that got brought up on the show weeks ago that people have asked a lot about is, I talked a lot about, you know, I've never been in business class, so this was the big thing flying over here, business class. Big fuck up. Did we talk about this at all?

No, we didn't. We didn't get into it. So what happened was, I talked a lot about getting into business class. I was going to have to dress up. I was going to have to put on the slacks, put on a suit or something, dress right up, dress very uncomfortably, put on dress shoes. Put on a dress. Yes, put on a dress, a very formal dress with a bow tie on. It was a real capper thing.

Yes. With a bow tie on. Yeah. It was a real capper thing. Yeah. So what happened was, and of course, the way this all worked is because I have someone on the inside. It's all working my way. But I'm on standby effectively the whole time.

So with standby, there's been fuck-ups. And so here was another sort of a bit of a fuck-up. My experience traveling with you when you're on standby is that it's almost exclusively fuck-up. Yes. I think you've maybe caught one flight successfully when we've been travelling around in Doosta. Did we talk about it on the show that you got stranded in Montreal? I'm pretty sure we did. I'm pretty sure we did. I'm pretty sure we did talk about that. We talked about the fact that you were in Times Square,

and I was stuck eating Italian at a Canadian roadside diner, looking at pictures of you and Milan having fun in Times Square. And also I missed out. I had two spots booked at the Cellar, the legendary comedy cellar in New York, and I didn't get to do any of them. Right. Incredible. So, yeah.

Anyway, so this is what happened this time. i think you've seen all my fuck-ups to be fair for quite i had quite a charmed run for a while and you're officially on standby but you're basically now you're fine you're getting in there's no problem um but this time you've seen a bunch of my fuck-ups and this was a fuck-up to some degree not a bad fucker i just didn't get business class so yeah and and fuck-up to some degree. Not a bad fuck-up. I just didn't get business class. Yeah, and fuck-up isn't really the right way of phrasing it. You didn't do anything wrong. Like nothing really – there was no real human fault on any end. There was a flight that got – you were saying there was a flight that got delayed over the weekend and that then ended up meaning that the flight that you were going to be on was fuller than it would have been otherwise, which meant that there wasn't room for you

in, not only in business class, but on the flight in general. Yes. Not full stop, which was the flight I was on. Yes. Yes. So I couldn't go on your flight anymore. I had to change carriers. Yep.

I had to change days. It all changed really quickly. I changed flights three times within 12 hours very quickly. There was a point where you were then going to leave after me and you were going to get in Friday morning and then we would have gone straight up to Liverpool. Yes. Brutal. Yes. So then it changed and my person on the inside that can check all the amount of people on the planes and all that sort of stuff. When things are moving quick, you're flying today instead.

Get your bags packed. Yeah. Boom. Yeah. So, but you're not getting business class. So you ended up going like six hours earlier than you would have. You were meant to be on the flight with me at 9 p.m. Yes, but then it changed to the next day.

And then my mind got changed into, great, I've got another day to pack. I didn't have enough time. This is actually working out well. And then it changed to, no, you're going now. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. I haven't packed.

I haven't done anything. Yeah. You got up and just went to the airport. Yeah. Yeah. So, but now my fingers are crossed for getting business on the way back. Yes. Now, I, like I talked about last time, I had to go and get clothes or whatever

to dress up fancy for. I'm over here and I don't have fancy pants. I've got to have to go and buy fancy pants between now and the airport. But you've got the shoes. Have you got the shoes? I've got the shoes. Right.

I've been dragging dress shoes around with me for two weeks and I haven't used them once. You really? You don't think you could get away with wearing those pants now? I've got black Uniqlo jeans on. I don't, put it this way. But if you had a nice shirt and dress shoes with them and had the shirt tucked in, I think

you'd get away with that. Oh, well maybe. You don't want to chance it though. Well, to be fair, at the moment, I don't know if there's any, we're here on a bank holiday. I don't think any shops are open. So I don't know if we've got much choice. Yeah. I might have to do a bit of buying clothes at the airport.

They, honestly, those pants, though, they look, they don't look particularly genie. They don't look very denim-y. Yeah. You could get away with them, I think. It would be a fucking tough call to walk in like this and have a nice, I've got a nice shirt, I've got a nice jacket, I've got nice shoes. Yep. You come in and see black pants and go

no they're not black enough yeah exactly no I think they're fine fuck I hope so honestly I think they're fine because I think I'm going to break if I don't get this business class

and hey look if there's one thing I know it's fashion I was fucking shattered it really broke my mind that I'd really built up I've always been like

fuck Nick Cody and fuck business class who cares who gives a fuck? But once this got into my head, I'm like, this is actually going to happen. It fucking broke me that it wasn't going to happen. I was like, what's the point in even going anymore? Right.

Yeah. It's pretty, it is brutal. Like, I couldn't, like the whole thing with you getting standby, I couldn't do it. Just the uncertain, even though it's like, you'll be fine. Yeah. But it's like the sort of uncertainty. Yeah.

I just, that sort of stuff drives me insane. Right. Like, I couldn't cope with it. I don't mind it. Like, I look at you in those situations and go, there's no way this is worth it. Right, right, right. Well, look, like I said, early on, man, I had such a run of so many successful flights that I was like, once I copped one or two,

I was like, that's fine. That's worth it. But now they're starting to- It's stacking up. They're stacking up a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

Well, fingers crossed. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll let you know- We're all pulling for you. I'll let you know. What a feel good story. Hopefully, I get upgraded into a great seat on a plane that not usually people can afford.

Me, little urchin Carl. Finally, something's going right for me. The little guy. Yeah. Root for me. Yeah. The guy you send money to. Yeah.

I was, we'll be talking about this on the pod or just in private that the idea of people just kind of rocking up and then getting a random upgrade. Yeah. Does that happen anymore? Because someone told me – It's happened to you, but it's never happened to me. But it happened to me when I was like 10 years old or something. Yeah.

So ages ago. It feels like you never hear about – You never hear about it happening to people anymore. When you're 10, you've got fucking heaps of leg room anyway. It's wasted. Yeah, but this was back before everyone had a screen on the plane right so having your own remember that when it was only business class where you'd get your own personalized thing where you could watch whatever like remember the days where it was like just one

big screen in the middle of the aisle and everyone watching the same movie so that that's why it was cool because it was like oh fuck you can watch whatever yeah right but now it's like you can do that in economy that was the big thing once that. But now it's like you can do that in economy. That was the big thing. Once that went into economy, it's like, well, this is fine. I'm trying to remember the first time I got on a plane. Like, I reckon it was pretty late on. Like, I don't think I've – I think I flew maybe to see my – you know what? I think the first time overseas was my first time on a plane.

I can't think of why I would have flown otherwise. I think I was 27 before I got on a plane. Interesting. Yeah. So I think overseas, flying to Japan was my first flight. And it was on Japan Air. Yeah. And it was a very, very Japanese plane.

Like, Hello Kitty was my stewardess, all that stuff. The plane just doing the peace sign the whole time it's flying. Yes. The windows were doing the eyes and all that stuff. I'm trying to think what my first flight would have been. I don't remember it. I would have been a little kid. Maybe to Fiji or something.

Yeah, right. I used to go to Fiji a lot because my dad did work there. Yep. Your dad worked in Fiji? Yeah, he did a bunch of work over there. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, he designed a school and a hospital over there. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, he designed a school and a hospital over there.

Oh, nice. Yeah. Let's go over and do a... Can you design a podcast stage? We go over to Fiji? I would love... I would...

What? Fuck Fiji. Why? I don't like it. Why? I hear... Like, to me, it's like,

not like Thailand in the way of you go over there and people say, oh, it's not... You can't go over there and it's cheap or anything. It's all the same prices here. It's like, well, why bother? Yeah, you're in London right now.

That's worse. Yeah. But – It is a bit like that. It's – I don't know. I haven't been for a long time. But I do – the Fijian people are great. That's the one thing about it that's really nice.

Right. Like it's pretty – you feel like you can kind of like drop in and experience this other culture a bit right like the people are all very friendly and okay you can sit up drinking carver with them oh really off your head yeah carver i'd like to taste that yeah it's pretty good is it good yeah right it's cool like you sit in a circle and you kind of there's like a i think hang on were you drinking when you were fucking eight years old when you went there and your dad was off designing huts and you were fucking drinking the local grog? No.

This was when we went when I was in year 12. So I was 18. And it's – I don't think it's – I don't know what it is. It's not alcohol. It's like a plant-based thing, I think. But it gets you fucked up, right? It gets you fucked up. Right.

So it's like a little – you sit in a circle and you kind of do it. There's like a clapping thing that you do before you drink. Like everyone does it and then you have a sip and then you kind of pass it around. And it's like, if you're not used to drinking it, on basically your third round, you're fucked. But the Fijian people, because they're like so into it and they've got a high tolerance for it, they'll just literally just be drinking it all night and basically not get any effect. But you'll just be on your ass within two goes of it. Wow.

Fuck yeah. Shout out to Carver. All right, maybe we'll go. Just getting Milan'd on Carver. Yeah. Speaking of shout outs, every week on this show, we like to give back to the little folk out there

that send us money, that support our show, that do the right thing, that appreciate this so much that they're willing to give out their hard earned to us to keep doing this thing. And of course, in return, you get plenty of rewards. You get a magazine, you get a bonus episode, all of that

sort of jazz, plus you get the chance your name gets entered into the Unplanned Title Alternator, and the chance of your name being read out increases every week as time goes on. Completely at random, yeah. Unfortunately, as you know, the last couple of weeks we've been in London, things have happened.

Once we get back, we're taking the unplanned title alternator back into the shop, that's for sure. Yeah. Some of your money is going towards fixing this. Is it still under warranty or not? Oh, good question. I'll have to check that. Oh, Christ.

Here we go. Yeah, this could be trouble. I've had a few accidents, unfortunately. I'm very sorry. With the machine, so not as many names have been able to be read out lately. While we're here, of course, we'll be straight back on it when we get home. Things will be fixed. It had shots spilt on it.

Then you left it out in the rain. Then you ate mushy peas over it. Yep. Anything else happen in the last week? Well, last week I did spill mushy peas on it. Then, as we said last week, we were going out to lunch. Yes. We got lunch, we brought it back.

What a great lunch we had. Yep. And unfortunately, we put against... I know you said don't eat over the... I'm playing title alternator. Yeah, it's already struck once. Yeah. Why would you tempt fate by doing it again?

But like... It's a bit of a cliche of men in Australia. You eat over the sink. You don't use a plate. And I've got a reputation of eating over a bin. Unfortunately, you said, don't do this. You went to the bathroom. I couldn't help myself.

Old habits die hard. Yep. I ate over the unplanned title alternator. Carl. And I unfortunately managed to wedge an entire Yorkshire pudding into the vent. So... None of this makes sense. So, unfortunately, it's not in great shape.

It's got shots, water damage, mushy peas, and Yorkshire pudding. Yes. I dare say the warranty isn't going to cover this. I'd love it if it does. I'd love it if all of those things are in a claw somewhere. If you're travelling... We've got to lie to them, though. You know, you can't be honest about it with the warranty.

Oh, we can just say, oh, we just got mashed potato in it instead. Yes. Right. Yes. As long as we change the food, it should be fine. Are we covered for mashed potato, but not Yorkshire Pudding? Yeah. Right.

That's in the fine print. Have you ever taken something back to try and get it fixed under warranty and had to tell a big lie? No. I can't do it. Yeah. I put my AirPods through the washing machine a while ago and was like, fuck.

All right, well, I'll try it on. And you get in there and it's like, I just crumble immediately. I'm like, oh, yeah, they've just sort of stopped working. And they're like, why? I'm like, oh. And then the guy just breaks me. I'm like, oh, they went through.

Then I start to think if I'm just honest, maybe that'll count towards something. Maybe they'll take pity on me. It's like, look, you've done the right thing. Like, yeah, they were in my pants pocket. And then I put them in the washing machine. And he's like, well, then absolutely not. We can do nothing for you. That would be amazing if that's covered.

Oh, did you just fuck up our product? Yeah. Of course we'll give you another. Yeah, I threw them off the roof. Yeah. And then drove a truck over them. I'm smashing them with a hammer in front of you. Can I get my money back?

Actually, yes. This store is like international waters. It doesn't count what you do in here. So let's fire it up. The last time that we're going to be able to have to put up with this severely reduced quota of names before we can get back to Australia and get it picked. More reduced than ever. Yep.

Yep. We're down to, believe it or not. Well, you know, this is a collector's item. This is the least amount of names we've ever read out in the show. Jesus Christ. So make the most of it. This is the episode. This is the episode when people say in the future, remember when they only did five?

This is it. Right. This one will be worth a lot one day. Yeah. Only five? Yeah. Whoa. I know.

For what? Guys, I cannot stress enough. Don't send us the complaints. Back to normal next week. Yeah. Once we get home. Back to the hundreds of names that we normally do. Fucking hell.

All right. Just keep it to yourself. Fuck, there's protests outside. What the fuck's going on out there? I don't know. Someone's got a... Someone's got a wheelbarrow full of pudding

that they're pushing past, I think. Thank you to Patreon subscriber David Geerlen. Geerlen? Yeah, I know. We're doing five names and that's one of them. Geerlen. We're wasting it on a Geeran. Yeah, I know. Ugh. We're doing five names and that's one of them. Geelan.

We're wasting it on a Geelan. G-E-A-R. No, no, no. G-E-E-L-A-N. Geelan. Yeah, Geelan. What sort of a name is that? Ugh.

Sorry, David, but you're sort of wasting your time here. You really are wasting our time. I'm so uncomfortable. I've been sitting on the end of this bed for like an hour now. And I'm having a... You know what? I'm already just... You know, my back hurts.

My leg's getting all cramped. At the very least, it'd be nice if there was a pleasant sensation going into my ears to just offset all the rest of it. I'm so sorry, Tommy. What a rotten... This is our last day together in London. And we're spending it talking about the name Geelan. I'm doing my solo show in like two hours.

Could I be going over my material? No. I'm sitting here listening to this rot. Geelan. Fuck. Fuck me dead. Maybe this will inspire you to, you know, just get out of here and go, let's really make a show of this. It's made me feel a lot...

I've had such a rotten early afternoon listening to this sort of garbage. It's made me feel a lot better about the content of my show. Yeah, right. Nothing that I say, no matter how bad it bombs, is going to be half as bad as Geeland. Yep.

So, I mean, I know you give us money and I know you support the show, David, but, I mean, we can't censor ourselves. You know, in these PC times, we feel like we're a fucking hell. What is going on? What is going on out there? Is that the unplanned title, Alternative Malfunctioning? Can people hear?

I really hope people can hear that. I'd be amazed if that's not being picked up on the mic because it's so loud. Is it some cunt pushing a bin or something? Is it the unplanned title alternator just reacting to the fact that such a terrible name has been spat out through it? I'm going to try and have a look. Have a look at my...

Have a look at the... Have a look at all the protesters out there that are barracking for Julian Assange to get released from my hotel room. Yeah. What's happening out there, Tommy? I think it's a guy... I think it...

I think he was pushing around a big wheelie bin. Now he's closing the gate very noisily behind him. There are a bunch of protesters. There's a bunch of people holding up a sign saying, Free Carl. Right. Just a bunch of protesters out there immediately after hearing the name Geelan.

Get some better names on this show. Yeah. Change your name, you fucking idiot. Yeah. Sorry, David. There's chocolate all over your bed, by the way. Is there? Yeah, what's this?

Is that chocolate? Some kind of stain? Have you been eating in bed? That is actually... I haven't been eating in bed. You know what? I think that that's out of the pocket of some certain, how will you describe it? Some things given to us after the show last night.

Out of the pocket? I think I put some stuff in my pocket and it's come out of my pocket. Someone gave us some laced food last night. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Did you have any? Um, this is being recorded, right? No.

You can't hear it over the sound of the bin being pushed around outside. Right, right. Well, just in case it is being recorded, I will say officially no. Okay, me too. Of course I didn't. Yeah. I said, um, put that down and go back to school. Mm.

And, um, that's what they did, so... Right. You're welcome. Yeah. I fixed, I fixed that person. go back to school. And that's what they did. So... Right. You're welcome. Yeah. I fixed that person. We fixed the UK. Yeah. So, no.

Get fucked, Geelan. Thanks, Geelan. Thanks, David. Thanks, David. But fuck you, Geelan. Yep. David's fine. David is fine.

Yep. Get married. Get married and change your name. Yes. Yep. Thank you to Patreon subscriber number two for this week. Very interesting. A very interesting name that we both know.

We know this person? Yes. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Beck Sutherland. Ah. Yeah. Rebecca Sutherland. That's it. That's now having that kind of insider information that her name's actually Rebecca,

that's the kind of thing you could only know by knowing this person personally. Right. Yep. I didn't know she subscribed. Yes, she does. I knew she listened. Yeah, she loves to listen. Now, how much detail are we allowed to give on this person?

I don't know. Is she specified? No. Which I think means that we can do what we want. We did talk about her a few weeks ago in a roundabout way. And I thought we might get in trouble for that. And we didn't. She's in the entertainment industry.

Yep. Well, I think we can say this. I think we can say she is Nazeem Hussain's manager. Yes. She's also Ursula Carlson's manager. Yep. She is the only reason that Ursula has been on the show. Yep.

In fact, a couple of weeks ago when she was on a live show in Melbourne, I think the conversation went something like, Ursula was like, the only reason I'm doing this is because my manager and her husband like this fucked show. So they made me do it. It's nice to know. Yeah. I would have thought she wanted to do it after doing a studio weapon, having a good time. But anyway. No, I think that was the reason behind doing the first.

Right, right, right. Yeah. So lovely of her to use her time on that. But lovely of Beck and her husband. And her husband is a – To bully a client into doing something they don't want to do. No, but it's a strange relationship that Beck Southern has with this show because on the one side, lovely things like that are done.

She's helped us with guests and stuff like that. And she genuinely listens and enjoys it. Her husband is really into it. Her husband has come to Samui the first time. He's coming the third time and bringing his brother along. But then the second time we tried to get Nazeem Hussain to come and she shut it down immediately. It was like, no, you're not going.

It's like she listens every week, but it's almost like she's a little ashamed of the fact that she listens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're her guilty pleasure, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because she is, I guess, high up in quite a very big management company. Yeah. Yeah.

Big fan of Beck. Known Beck a very long time at this point. I'll say this. I don't... I can't say I know her. I've talked to her on Facebook a lot. I've never... I might be wrong.

I don't think I've ever said hello to her IRL. Yeah, right. Never spoken to her in real life. Yeah. So I tried to change that over the last comedy festival. We're having a night where men you meet up and we'll talk shit because that's what we do online. Yep. Talk comedy gossip.

Talk shit about people. Good of you to outer for partaking in all this. Oh, she just listens. I say it all. She just listens and says, you shouldn't be like this, Carl. And I'm like, no, I'm going to be like it. I don't care what you say. And I think she just plays along to make sure that I'm not, you know.

She's trying to talk me off the ledge the whole time. Oh, she's a cunt ledge. She's great like that. Yes. Very supportive friend. Yes. Being very nice the whole way. But then it didn't happen.

So I still haven't met her. Yeah, right. How much longer do you think you can stretch this out? I don But then, it didn't happen. So I still haven't met her. Yeah, right. How much longer do you think you can stretch this out? I don't know. I don't know. It's more like how long can she stretch it out?

Maybe she doesn't exist. She's probably the one putting it off. Yeah. Not me. True. I'm desperately going, let's hang out.

And she's like, I've got better shit to do. She does have better shit to do. Yeah. She should come to Samui. Yeah, she's not coming. She's busy. She's got a big tour.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Also, she's not coming. She's busy. She's got a big tour. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Also, she produces Russell Howard when he comes to Australia. So she's been behind us getting Russell Howard a couple of times. Yep. Yep. Which is lovely. So, yeah, a lot of positives.

Thank you, Rebecca Sutherland, for doing all of that. What a champ. And thank you for doing this, for funneling the money that you're making out of all of those acts and then giving them to us. Yeah, we kind of are benefiting from a lot of those big tours. Yeah. We've been to a couple of shows. She's given us tickets to or helped us get tickets to a couple of big shows before.

She helped get me some very good seats for Anderson Pack at the start of the year. I had a fucking great time. We had, in my opinion, the best seats in the house. Right. She helped us. We got free tickets to go and see a very, very big comedy act within the last couple of years. So I appreciate that, even though the show fucking sucked. But who knows who that is?

Thanks, Beck. It could have been anyone. That wasn't her fault. It was a good experience. She wrote the material, she was telling me. Oh, right. Yeah. So this is the grievance I had with that show.

It could be anyone. But comedians watching comedy is a – it's not as simple as you'd think because generally people – a lot of comedians don't want to watch comedy. We've seen it all. Yeah. So what I thought we were doing was going to see a comedy show and we were going to stand up the back and get free beer and food and just talk shit. But then we got there and we got forced into watching comedy and I do not want to do that. So to make it clear, I am upset at the fact that I got free tickets to comedy and then

I had to watch the comedy. You can't win. But thanks for the tickets, Beck. Yeah. Thanks, Beck. Yep. Thanks, Beck. And let us know on – pop up on Facebook Messenger and let me know what you thought

about this tribute. Yep. Yep. You'll be right on it. And the hubby what you thought about this tribute. Yep. Yep. You'll be right on it. And the hubby. And Mr Sutherland. Yep. Let us know.

When this comes out, you'll just about be able to let me know at Running Club in Samui. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's part of Running Club. He loves it. Yeah.

And his brother. Actually, that'll be interesting. He brought his brother over two years ago and now his brother's coming back with him. I wonder if his brother's listened to this show at any stage in the two years in the middle. It's a much better story if he hasn't. It'll be interesting for him to come back and basically have the same guests. Everything's sort of going to be basically the same.

Yeah, nothing's changed in two years. Yep. Thanks, Bec. Thank you to Patreon subscriber David Rye. Ooh. Yeah. What do you think about that? I think this is giving me a bit of a Rye grin.

Wow. He's back. Yeah, he's back. All right. He's back. That's good. That's good stuff. That's good quality UK humour.

Yeah. That'd get a good review on Chortle. Yes. Save that for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Tommy. Yep. Yep. That list that comes out every year of the best jokes for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Tommy. Yep. Yep. That list that comes out every year of the best jokes in the Edinburgh Fringe. Oh, God.

The fucking worst. If anyone ever sees that. There's some newspaper that does it every year where they're like, here are the best jokes of the Fringe. And they're just all awful. Yeah. They're the worst. But they're not even, they can't possibly be thinking they're the best ones. What they do is they find out the shortest, punniest ones.

Right. Yeah. And they're fucking – like a pun is not a fucking joke. The worst advertisement for British comedy. Yes. Yeah. It's just whatever they can fit. Like, yeah, it's just time-wise what you can fit in a newspaper.

Yeah. The worst – it's almost a challenge to go through that list every year and find one joke that's any good. You know what? I'm going to look up the most recent ones. Yeah, do it. Let's rate out the worst ones. Best jokes in the Edinburgh Fringe. Edinburgh Fringe, of course, if you don't know, it's the biggest fringe festival in the world.

It's the biggest festival containing comedy in the world, isn't it? Yeah. It's massive. There containing comedy in the world, isn't it? Yep. It's massive. There's thousands of acts. So, I mean, ideally, on paper, that's a good idea. You'd like to know what the best jokes in the entire Fringe Festival is. Comb through the whole thing. Nice little shortcut, but they just fuck it in the ass every year.

Here we go. Okay. I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring. Oh, God. What an advertisement for the Edinburgh Fringe. If you're thinking about flying to Scotland, don't bother on the back of that because that's in the top ten. Are you looking for jokes and making sure that none of them are said by people that we know just in case?

Yes. Great. I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change. Yep. Great stuff. Imagine the reaction in the room to that joke. There could not possibly be much reaction. There's not a standing O.

No. What do colourblind people do when they are told to eat their greens? Thanks guys I think those are the best ones that we've read out Yeah I don't know about best No Anyway

That's the example of That's it That's British humour, folks. That's the best. I'd love to read out the worst, if they're the best. The worst would actually be great. Fuck, what if we start doing that in Melbourne every year? So they have the best jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe.

Why don't we start doing the worst jokes of the Melbourne Comedy Festival every year? And so our comedian friends see us in the audience one night and they're like, oh, no, they're scouting me. Just doing a bit and then seeing us pull the notepad out and write it down. Look, I think we are very guilty of having ideas in this part of the show and not following through. But please, can someone keep a list of all these great ideas that we have? Yes.

We were going to make a porno the other week. We want someone to give us a shout-out in a porno this week. Oh, we've got our deliberately bad sketch show, The Funny Fellas. The Funny Fellas. Fuck, I almost forgot about that already. The Funny Fellas. We've got to make that. Insane that we've forgotten that because we recorded that yesterday.

When you're traveling, everything just goes for much longer. Oh, it feels like I've been gone for six months. That feels like a week ago. Yeah. Right, so, someone keep a record of that, please. Because a lot of listeners of this show, they'll go to the Melbourne Comedy Festival, and they'll go and see a lot of shows. So while you're going,

we need you guys to be our people on the ground. Right, our street team. Yes. Write down jokes in shows that you think are particularly shithouse. Tell us who said them and we'll compile a list at the end of the comedy festival. Publicly name and shame. Yes. And we get them on to do it. Oh, man.

The worst jokes in the moment. Fuck, I'm excited about this. We could do it at the drunk cast. It could be like the anti-awards because the awards is like the night before we do the drunk cast. And then the next day we've got the anti-awards. That's exciting. That's good stuff. That's really exciting.

Okay. Please, someone make a note. Can someone be our secretary and write down all these fucking great ideas we have? We really do need someone to keep track of all the bullshit that comes up in this. Yeah. Now, this is, you know, there's bloody probably 44, 46 weeks to go until the next Comedy Festival in Melbourne.

So I want to remember this one. This is a great idea. This is right up my alley. Yeah. Publishing the 10 worst jokes of the Comedy Festival. Please. I want to make this happen.

Beck, you've got to produce this one for us. We want you guys involved. 10 worst names that we've read out. David Geerland. No. Thanks, Beck. Thanks, Beck. Oh, no. David

Rye. That's David. Thanks, David. Fuck, that all came from that. Jesus. From having a rye green. God. That's in there. Alright. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Callum McNabb. Yeah. What do you think about that?

You know what? What? I think you like it. Against all the odds. I think you like it. I like it. Yeah, I bet you do. I know you've got a bit of a soft spot for Callum as a name, don't you?

Not overly. Oh, don't you? No. I felt like that feels like a name you would like. I have a friend called Callum. Well, do you like him? Yeah. Well, there you go. But I don't like him because of the name. Oh. I have a friend called Callum. Well, do you like him? Yeah. Well, there you go.

But I don't like him because of the name. Oh, I thought that's how you met. I didn't get introduced to him and go, now this I'm into. Right. I thought you just saw his name in the phone book and went, I've got to get to know this guy. Hi, my name's Callum. Nice to meet you.

Say no more. Let's be best friends. Yeah. I saw your name in the phone book and I thought, we've got to be friends. They only put surnames in the phone book. I had a feeling about that C. I saw that C and I thought, I know where this is going. Spoiler alert, it's Callum. But then McNab, I mean, it's just, it's bizarre.

It is a weird name. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. I knew it. Oh, you like it? I love it. The Nab.

That's Scottish for the Nab, I believe. Like the bank, the National Australia Bank. Oh, you like it? I love it. The NAB. That's Scottish for the NAB, I believe. Like the bank, the National Australia Bank. Oh, yeah, right. Kellum, the Commonwealth. I don't mind it. It's a yes from me. It's a yes from me, too. It's going through the next round.

You've just reminded me I'm going to leave my bank when I get home. What do you think of that? Oh, really? Yeah. Why? A lot of my friends were with the same bank, and they left recently because, I don't know, they're just a shitty bank. Right.

And you're going to go with Vodafone Bank? Yeah, I would if I could. Are you going to be one of these cool dudes and go with some sort of society or are you going with one of the major corporations? A bunch of my friends all moved to the same one that they said is good. Maybe it's ING. I think ING is medieval. If all of your friends jumped off the West Gate, would you?

Yes. Okay, well, I'll organise your friends to jump off the West Gate. I hope they do soon so that I can do that. I'm just waiting. That's the only reason I haven't done it. It's because I don't want to be an individual. When you go to parties, try and be really depressing around them

and bring them down and then they'll do it and then you can do it. Oh God. I can't handle this. That's it. I'm off to the West Gate. Me just like, yes! Finally my plan worked by being a depressing counter. Should I follow you or do you want to follow me? Great. Callum.

Callum McNabb. McNabb. I'll tell you what. I would be keen to put that on a short list of if I had a son. Callum. Don't mind it. Yeah. Don't mind it at all.

Interesting. Yeah. Thanks, Callum. Thanks, Callum. All right. One more. One more to go. Oh, one more.

That's it. Wow. Yep. That was four. This go. Oh, one more. That's it. Wow. Yep. That was four. This is the fifth, as promised. That's all we've got time for. As limited to. The last name that we'll read out in the UK. I'm not sure why you'd bring that up.

What's that relevant to? We're in the UK at the moment. Okay. It just feels a little bit like a setup. You're heading home tomorrow and... Yeah, yeah. So then we'll be back to recording these in Australia. You know, we both do a lot of work in comedy

and that normally would... It sounds like a bit of a setup. Like you putting in context like that. No, I'm just... I'm like, where's this going? I'm just getting wistful. I'm reflecting on our time together here in the UK. Because if I didn't know better,

it's like you're setting me up for something but you don't know what's coming next. So that's why it's confusing. I have no idea idea and i'm sorry that you've read it that way but it's not my intent at all to set you up for anything you're specifying that we're in the uk or in london in particular like what's that got to do with the next name i read out again i think you're really reading too much into what i said it was just a it was just kind of a you know it was just a thought it was just a just me sort of stating something right putting it i wasn't trying to set anything up i wasn't attempting to

do comedy right um no i heard in the last half hour that's that's the last thing i'd want right right okay reminds me of a job i had digging holes for water that's good. Thank you. Write that one down. Thank you. Can our new secretary, can you write that one down? Just to remind Tommy to put that in his comedy festival show next year.

Yep, yep. All right. Okay, let's get all the funniness out of the way and let's get this business done. But you are right, we are in London. um so last name that we read out in london thank you to patreon subscriber jack the comedy sorry i'm just i'm just terrified at even hearing that name really yeah right jack the comedy isn't that weird? Jack the Comedy. Wonder who Jack the Comedy is. Wonder if anyone will ever find out who Jack the Comedy is.

And the crimes he's committed against audiences. And it's funny because I see now that it actually was kind of relevant that I said that we're in London recording this. Oh, right. Okay. Was it? Yeah. Oh, right. Okay. Was it? Yeah. Oh, right. Like the old London serial killer, Jack the Ripper.

Yeah. Right. Jack the Comedy. Yeah, Jack the Comedy. Yeah. Yeah. That's not to be confused with Jack My Tiny Dick Off. No.

What crimes has Jack the Comedy committed? Well, like hundreds of years ago. Top ten list from Edinburgh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. going down a well I think that well is just about empty I think as

100% as we can hear from the relief in our voice as we trail off from committing to that last little bit it's been a long week it's really

it's really time to go home and really recharge the batteries. Recharge the batteries in time for – oh, thanks, Jack. Thanks, Jack. Thanks, Jack, though. Recharge the batteries in time for the Costa Mui International Podcast Festival, June 11 until 16. Hop on it. There is still time to come.

Get in. Get in at the last minute. We'd love to see you there. Heaps of live shows coming up. LittleDumbDumbClub..com keep an eye on the socials and everything for new stuff that we'll be announcing shortly thank you for supporting the show if that's what you do uh you can find a link to the patreon on our website as well we really really appreciate you guys chipping in every week thank you once again to the people who are at this London show. We'll see you back here next week for the third of our London recordings. But until then, we'll see you next time.

See you, mates.