The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 454 - Live! Stephen K Amos, Dilruk Jayasinha, Brett Blake & Nick Carr

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

We're back in Koh Samui for the third and final Koh Samui International Podcast Festival! Enjoy the soothing sounds of waves in the background as you hear us battle our way through more incompetent tech work at the start of the show. STEPHEN K AMOS has been harassed into joining us, BRETT BLAKE teaches us how to hold a suitcase, DILRUK JAYASINHA has already had several massages and we discuss our upcoming fun run for way too long, and chat to odds-on favourite NICK CARR. Surfs up! SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live at the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival with guests Stephen K. Amos, Brett Blake, Nick Carr, and... Who was the other person we had on this one? Who was the other person we had on this one? Jesus Christ, Dilruch Jai Singer. Dilruch Jai Singer. Fucking hell, it's been a long week, folks. This is a great episode.

Heaps of fun in this one. The beginning of the couple of episodes that you're going to hear from the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. We will be back at the end of the episode with some names from Patreon, a couple of plugs. Talking dumb, let's dissect the episode once again. Yep. So enjoy this. Fucking dum-dum, let's dissect the episode once again. Yep, so enjoy this.

Enjoy the beautiful, soothing sounds of waves crashing onto the beach underneath a bed of hot content, and we'll see you on the other side. Enjoy. Enjoy. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club live from the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasalon. Standing next to me is the other half of the program.

You know him as the Minister for Tourism of this great nation. Please welcome into the Little dum-dum club. He's going to be with you any minute, folks. Let's just have a quick chat over the music for a few more minutes while we get this all sorted out. Like I said, you all know it. My name is Tommy Dasolo and I'm here in Thailand as one of the hosts of the podcast, The Little Dum Dum Club.

Did I mention that my name is Tommy Dasolo? It is beautiful to be here, folks. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. The waves are crashing onto the shore. And, you know, I think we're almost out of time. I'd like to thank all of you for coming. If we can get the music turned up a little bit, that would be fantastic.

It is absolutely wonderful to be here. Honestly. Let's just remember that there is a volume control on the MacBook itself, so you can just use that. If the soundboard isn't working... Welcome to our hip-hop show, motherfuckers. ...to just push the button that has a little down arrow next to it, and that's going to make...

Not the mic volume! That's the wrong one. The intro music volume. So my mic is at the perfect volume. This, though, if this could go down... My name's Charles Chandler and I'm here to say... Even just hit yes! Yes!

Yes! How dare you say your name before I got to introduce you? Standing next to me, the other half of the program, the very chill and placid because he's on holiday, Carl Chandler! G'day there, Cass. To be fair, I think that was provocation. You had probable cause for firing up.

My goodness. All right, well, let's chuck the notes out. Let's discuss what just happened. I think they heard. Does anyone not get what just happened? I don't think they did hear over the top of what the fuck just happened. I was worried about the waves draining us out before. And now... Actually, that is pretty loud. That is pretty loud. haven't. I was worried about the waves drowning us out before and now

actually that is pretty loud. That is pretty loud. That's a great irony isn't it? Being drowned out by your own theme music. Wow. Well we've never had that one before at least. I think we, yeah. So the aim is we travel around the world

and we have every kind of tech fuck up under the sun so that finally well well, we've done them all and now they're never going to happen again. We're free. Officially. Yeah. Well, if this wasn't the third and final Costa Mui podcast festival, it sure is now.

Fuck putting up with this again. Just can't wait to have the post-match discussion about this one already. Let's just close this one up so I can see what the fuck happened just then. It's rare that you get a tech that doesn't know how volume control works, but, you know, that's why you travel, to find new and exciting things and have different experiences. To be fair, we've only been doing tech for three hours.

We really should have got in four hours early, just so we could figure out what the volume control really does. So that's on us, to be fair, I think. Well, that's expelled a lot of energy. I feel a bit pooped now. Do you want to do a soft reset? No, I actually want to hear the song again. I think we're going to have to technically pay the rights for it

for the first time ever. More than eight seconds. We've really fucked this. Thank you guys for coming all the way to Cozumel. Yes! Oh, my goodness. Guys, whose first time is here tonight? Oh, wow.

Wow, there's heaps of you. Which just says to me maybe we did a shit job last year and a lot of people didn't come back. Yeah. And for the first-timers, it's always like this on the first night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a little bit that we do here every year. It always kills.

Lovely. Thank you for coming. It's the first night, the first official night. You guys had a good time so far apart from all this stuff? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, apart from this getting in the way of your good holiday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's having a good time? It is genuinely all this stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah apart from this getting in the way of your good holiday yeah yeah it's who's having a good time it is it is genuinely like a bit like

that we've been talking to the guests that we've got here you know we haven't been doing that much stuff uh uh you know out there because we're working on this show i mean we've been doing obviously tech work all day um well speak for yourself day one already got diarrhea who's with me come on Love it here. Beautiful place. But as we've been in our hotel rooms working on the show and doing work, and we're just hearing constantly from the guests going, yeah, I did fucking went to a water skiing class,

and I just went off a water park, and we're like, well, you're welcome for us to fly you over here just to fuck around while we're in our bedroom fucking working on this fucking show. And you love it here. this is meant to be you relaxed yeah just listen to that it's soothing i fucking hate it let's go to bali tomorrow fuck this fuck this joint fuck this joint oh wow no no i love it i do love it i love it um how are you feeling the third and final coast of millions national podcast well it is a bit well you know what it is it is weird to come out here and just be a bit like, oh, yeah, business as usual,

doing a podcast on the beach on the other side of the world. It must be like being married to Pamela Anderson. Just like... You know, the first couple of nights is like awesome and then you go, oh, well, it's just another night. The first couple of nights. So three nights in, you're off it. Yeah.

Well, this is... Wow. I think this is like the seventh podcast we've done here. So like seven nights in. Sorry. Okay, right. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I am. No, no, I'm still into it. The spark is still there for me. And I reckon I've got an eighth one in me. Right. But I reckon if we were to do a ninth podcast here, I'd be staring into those lifeless eyes thinking, I can feel myself going limp.

If we did a ninth live podcast, I reckon we'd almost get everything right. Yeah, and what would the fun be in that? Yeah. It is a bit different. This is the first live podcast we've done in Thailand without Milan, our friend Milan. Yeah.

Which is a bit of a shame, which is like, I know it is weird having to buy your own dollar 50 beers um yeah but the people complaining about that they're the people that this is their first time here and they haven't had to deal with the hangover that you get from being in thailand with milan right with him shouting you fucking petrol from the side of the street so consider yourselves lucky i am interested in uh the people we did have a bit of a competition who would be the last person to decide to get their accommodation to get their flights to get their ticket to come over

and so who is it the last person was Jamie Clark congratulations to Jamie oh Jamie Brown congratulations you've won the prize of Carl not remembering your name and that's real let me tell you. Sorry, Jimmy Clark.

Sorry. Right. So you decided what, less than a week ago? Is that right? On Saturday. On Saturday. So less than a week ago. Thanks for pulling up my friend and making him look stupid.

Yeah, nailed it. Was right all along. And so what was the decision? Why did you decide on Saturday before to do this? You got made redundant. Suck shit. So that is a weird decision. A bit like our tech.

That is a bit weird to go, I don't have a job anymore. Time to spend two grand. Oh, okay, we got... That just all sunk into everyone who'd paid that money. Right, sorry, everyone. I think he's... Now that he doesn't have a job, I think he just came because he heard my mum was going to be here.

Right. Tommy's mum and dad are here tonight, which is great of them. I also was very entertained by this morning, them telling me that they're going to be late because they got invited to a cocktail party, which took prominence over coming to this show. Yeah, they said it was great, though. Oh, really?

Yeah, they had a really good time. They had some cocktails. They had some nibbles. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. They went to a cocktail party and had what? Nibbles. No. back up they went to a cocktail party and had what? nibbles well I don't need to hear

about how you were created but yeah you've made one and you think that's how they get made? just biting on the neck yeah we're gonna make life there are some people

what blows me away is there are some people that turned up to Thailand and hadn't bought their ticket to the festival yet. That is fucking bizarre. To rock up here and not have your shit together. You're here on the other side of the world and they're like, oh yeah, I guess we'll do that bit now. Yeah, one lady going, can I pay for my festival ticket in baht?

Yeah, no worries, that's what I want. One billion baht in my wallet. Great. Well, actually, it's's what I want. One billion baht in my wallet. Great. Well, actually, it is handy now that Milan's not here. So, yeah. Oh, I'm shouting, everyone. Yeah, yeah. Alright, guys. Shots are on me. Oh, the tech's playing up again. Some weird noise just came through the speakers. I think

that might be Nick Cody arriving right now. It actually might be Nick Cody. Literally, yes. I think that might be Nick Cody arriving right now. It actually might be Nick Cody. Literally, yes. I think it is. Yeah, yeah. Fuck you! In coach. What a dickhead. Guys, start with the Ozo. Can we get the in-house rocket launcher out?

Did anyone bring a scud missile with them? So we are doing a live podcast here. It's the first night here of us doing the show. But we did upload a new studio episode today. Who listened to that already? So you fly all the way over here, but you can't be fuck-listing to our show normally.

Is that what's happened? What? Too busy at the water? way over here but you can't be fuck listening to our show normally. Is that what's happened? What? Too busy at the water. If you're gonna heckle sit up the front dickhead. Can't fucking hear you. If you're gonna heckle sit up the back dickhead.

Now the people in the middle you're invincible in this scenario. So go for your life. Like, what's worse, flying all the way this way to see us and not listening to today's episode or being around the pool in Paradise going, yeah, time to plug into a bit of Ray Badren and just kick back? I really don't know what's less respectful.

I agree. I was fascinated with... And I have more respect for the people that didn't listen, actually. Don't clap, because that just indicates you didn't listen. Did you listen or not? Fuck. Why would I ever? Yuck.

Why would I listen to your show, says the person in the front row. Like a proper fucking dork. Hey. Okay. the front row like a proper fucking dork oh hey okay there it's just a child being taken for a walk there is there is security

like everyone's got a wristband so it means that everyone's got a wristband that can get in if you don't have a wristband you can't get into the show here on the beach there was a blonde woman

in a bikini just doing a big stretch over there before didn't have a wristband security went come on in. Oh, did you notice her? No, someone else told me about it.

Read about it online. Yeah, yeah. And they took pictures with my camera. It was weird. Anyway. I've been hacked. Yeah. God, I'd love to bite on her toes and create a child.

That's how I got my bit about Pamela Anderson before. Do you think it might have been her? What else? What else about this island paradise? Oh, so should we talk about this? Last night, so this is the first night of shows, but last night we had sort of the official opening night party, kind of a soft launch to it.

Yes. We had a Thai band playing on the beach. Thai cover band. Thai cover band. So, yeah, for people at home, there weren't a Thai band doing Thai originals. They were doing some covers. So the set-up was they played for, what, a couple of hours?

And then the last half was meant to be karaoke. The whole set-up was they've got a uh bunch of songs they're going to play they gave us a list of songs that they could play as karaoke so it'd be fun for us to jump up and do some songs and then as you guys saw they played a bunch of songs and then we came up and went can you play this and they're like nah what about this song that you said you can definitely play? No. And then they let us sing one song, and then you guys got really into it. Oh, well, now we're cooking.

Let's come up to the front of the stage. Let's get into it. And then they go, you're no longer required. Fuck off. Yeah. So wasn't it because you got a list of songs from the resort that the band know how to play? That they sent to them. Yeah, that were options.

Yes. But then the guitarist was just editorialising, and you're going, can I sing this song that reminds me of when I was a young boy, Rock Around the Clock? Yes. And it came out on my second birthday and they were like, the guy, he's just going, nah, fuck that.

Like, just didn't want to play any of your choices. I was showing him a list and I was like, can you play this? He's like, no. He was not looking at the list. I thought your performance was pretty good. That sounds like, yeah, you're a good singer. Thanks, man. I was surprised.

Were you and Dill? No, you did a song. Yes. And then Dill and Ollie did a song. Yes. And that was, yeah, that killed the music. What does that mean? No, I mean as in he wouldn't let anyone else back up.

He wouldn't let you back up again. But I thought you guys did well. Yeah, he got these guys into it and then he's like, I'll take it from here. Yeah, yeah, because all of a sudden, because you like, I'll take it from here. Yeah, yeah, because all of a sudden, because you get on and you go, everyone up the front, let's all mosh.

So then all of a sudden there's a crowd up the front and I think the band all went, well, this is just because of us. All right, well, now we've got what we want. Yeah. Fuck off.

Yes, absolutely. Right, what else have we got? Has anyone... Look, when you walk down the main street, you get a little bit hassled. People have been hassled so far a little bit by people. You know, like... I mean, this is weird and random

and maybe I'll get no response here. Has anyone ever been yelled at by a tailor on the main street? Clothe or Tim the Toolman? I thought it was just something in Thai I didn't want to be disrespectful have you just been looking over people's fences

on the way down the street clapping that is less respectful than listening to Ray Badren around the pool to be honest and there's a lot of what I love is the style of taxis, taxi drivers getting business around here because they go, if anyone's copped this one, where they go, taxi, taxi, taxi, and as you sort of dismiss it,

they go, marijuana? Which is, man, good for them because they're finally taking on Uber with something that might defeat them, I think. Right. So it's like one Thai taxi driver who's been to Melbourne or anywhere that they have Uber, and he's gotten the bottle of water and the chewing gum. Yeah, yeah, yes.

I can one-up this. Yeah, yeah. Just a bong in the centre compartment, plugged into the cigarette fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of bottled water, it's just bong water. Yeah. That's great.

Uber green. We can start that up. We'd be millionaires. Taxi, taxi, marijuana. But I love the other option because they always go, taxi, taxi, marijuana, weed. No, mate, they're the same thing. I know.

Maybe they just think, yeah, that you need the slang, you know? Right, I don't get it. You want to do it the cool way. This guy won't know it by, look at how cool he is. He won't know it by its medical term. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get all scientific, Einstein. Should we get a guest out here?

All right, sure. Folks, please welcome into the little dum-dum club our very dear friend, the man who puts the sex into dyslexia. Please welcome Brett Blake. Oh, I knew it. I knew it. Where is he? Your dog, where is he? It's too much to expect. It's too much to expect for the microphones to be on.

Is it a button? Oh, it was a button. That was on me. It was on me to expect for the microphones to be on. Is it a button? Oh, it was a button. That was on me. I'll tell you what's happened. Carl switched it off while he was having his meltdown. Oh, and g'day, guys. How are you going, buddy? It's a pleasure to have you here.

Mate, it's third year in a row, back to back to back, so it's pretty good. Thanks, dudes. Yeah. You nearly didn't get here. Yeah, let's just say... Well, I don't know if you followed it on the little grooves, but let's just say

Brett definitely caught Uber Green. And I rocked up to the airport maybe, you know, very late and then I was... Because it was Jetstar and I just started cursing it. Hang on, hang on. You catch Jetstar?

I'm doing okay now. Yeah, no, it's Jetstar. Thank you, Milan. Milan Junior, full respect. Poppin' Milan. So, yeah, rocked up to the airport, just cursing Jetstar, going, oh, fuck, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. It's Jetstar's fault.

Because I was high. Anyway. And then I kept scanning my boarding pass and I was like, fuck these low budget airlines. They're fucking so stupid. And I go to the counter and I was like, what's going on with these planes here? And she's like, it's domestic. And I was like, what? And she's like, you're in an international flight.

So I was in the fucking wrong spot. And then eventually got over to the gate. They said the gate was closed. The gate closed five minutes late. And I was like, you're in an international flight. So I was in the fucking wrong spot. And then eventually got over to the gate. They said the gate was closed. The gate closed five minutes late. And I was like, oh, this is fucking great. And then the lady goes to me. She combed in someone. And then, oh, the gate's closed.

So you're there. You're texting me and going, gate is closed. I've missed the flight. I've missed the flight. And then the lady, like. I like how you said she combed in. Using your deep tactical language. No, no, she commed someone in

and just... What? Commed in. Was that UHF radio or something? Breaker, breaker, we've got a complete dumb cunt at the desk right now. She actually said we've got a complete cool cunt and I want his autograph. And I bet he's at a nice... Anyway. 10-4, 10-4.

There's two numbers that Blakey doesn't know. It's not numbers I have a problem with. It's words. And one I get is... 10 and 4 are words. Oh, yeah. That's true.

Whoa, man. It depends how it's written. Anyway, shut up. Am I in an Uber Green right now? And so she calms someone in. Marijuana. And then... Calms someone in. Weed. And then calms someone in.

Weed. And then goes, you know what? Bring on another guest. This is fucked already. No, fuck my life. Please, please, please go on. Calmed in. I was late.

I couldn't get on the flight. Stop saying calmed in and just say normal words. She UHF'd someone in on a walkie. She long life milked in. Yes. All right. No, that's UHT. Anyway, stop saying things that hurt my head.

Anyway, no, she used... She combed someone in using a thing. She talked on a phone. Is that what happened? No, no, it was the radio. She combed someone on the radio. Shut up, I'm trying to get to a good punchline here, you fucking idiots. Anyway, I was late.

I couldn't get on the flight. She combed someone'm trying to get to a good punchline here, you fucking idiots. Anyway, I was late, I couldn't get on the flight. She calmed someone in and she gave me my boarding pass and said, enjoy the 2019 International Koh Samui

Cod Pass Festival. What? Thank you. Yeah, I was about to say it's about the journey, not the destination, but that destination

was pretty sweet. So what happened? Wait, we have a mole inside Jetstar. Nah, that was a lie, but it was a good story though, wasn't it? She just said, do you need medical assistance?

And I said, why? Because I look sick. And then she looked through me and then I walked away. But then I finally got on a plane. Hang on, hang on. So did that happen or not? Nah, it didn't happen But it was a good story

Anyway You told me you had a good story about that I did, but it was imaginary Anyway Yeah I got a good story for you, Carl It's about James and a giant peach Well, that wasn't a biography

Documentary Whatever And then I finally got onto the plane I was like, fine, I'm comfortable. And then one of your fans turns around with jokes from fucking Woman's Day in the back and just hands me a piece of paper with all these jokes on and goes, Blakey, you can use these. Yeah, well. Savage.

Cool, I can't trust anything you say now. I bet that didn't happen. I don't even believe you're in Thailand. Trust me, I'm sweating. I am here. You're probably not even illiterate. Give me a book. I'll prove it.

I can't read this word. So this all happened. This is really weird that you could make those mistakes and everything, apart from the fact that I got sent messages directly before that going, I got just given a big bag of Coke and I haven't slept all night. Well, I was trying to keep that off the pod. But anyway, yeah, it definitely wasn't remnants left in my arse. No, I had a big night the night before.

So, and now I'm here and I'm sweating, not just from the temperature. It's called coming down, people. Beautiful. Glad your mum and dad are here who have a little bit of respect for me, I like to think. Yeah, well, that's gone now. So sorry, Mrs. Olson.

That's cool. Like, Coke comes in bags instead of cans, like back home here. That's all. I think we got away with that one. Uber white. Now, that'd be a service. Just really confident about your review at the end. Do you want to hang out after this?

It'd be uber snow. So you guys spent a night together in Bangkok? We spent a lovely night together in Bangkok, which was beautiful. And then I had... Man, if you think Kappa had a fucked way of getting to England, you didn't see how Carl got us to fucking the Samui Airport. It was the worst thing of my life. Carl thought it was a good idea to get on a

train that was $1.20. That cannot be good. So I had to get to his from my hotel to his hotel so he could save $17 in a taxi. And it took me 30 minutes to get there with my fucking suitcase, wheeling it through

mud, power lines, a dead cat. I didn't realise I was here for the... I didn't realise I was doing tough mud at fucking Thailand before I got here. And, like, the roads and logistics are so good here, by the way. You guys nailed it. Anyway, and then we finally meet him at the train station. I'm sweating.

And he goes, Oh, I thought you working-class people loved trains. And I was like, No, us working-class people love going to third world countries and acting rich. Give me a fucking give me a fucking helicopter now for $7. I trust it. Now if I know

Carl, he's going to take this one lying down. No, this is all fair. And then I met him at a train station and he goes, it's not this one. It's 30 minutes away, but it will save us 10 minutes in a cab. Fuck you. And he goes it's not this one. It's 30 minutes away but it will save us 10 minutes in a cab. Fuck you. And he goes but trust me the views

are going to be so good when we get on the train. It's going to be so good. It's going to be such an adventure. Eventually we get to the train station and even the beggar out the front was looking at us like we're low breeds. He started handing out 10 rupiah to us. Get on the train. He goes man the view's great. Wow this this beggar's got, like, international money.

Beggar was like, oh, I heard you're on your way to the Coastal Millie International Podcast Festival. Get on the train and all you see out the window is construction yard, construction yard, rubbish chip, rubbish chip. I was like, man, fucking ring that, Gio. This is good. You would have loved that, though, to be fair.

No, I did. There was a few bulldozers. I was like, this is sick. Now, I'm playing the Tony Jones role, okay? Now, you've had your say. Carl, what do you have to say? Moving right along. Let's do the corrections time.

Bring out the notepad. So, it took 30 minutes. It took 30 minutes to walk to the train station. It's usually a 10-minute walk, but Brett Blake doesn't believe in using handles of suitcases. Don't fucking start this again. You are backing a bull into the corner.

I'll get very angry. You know what happens when you back a bull into the corner? Tommy flies to Perth and jerks it off. You know when you get a suitcase? That's the next holiday we're going on. You know when you get a suitcase... That's the next holiday we're going on. You know when you get a suitcase and the handle extends? So you can either push or pull it. He's a flat earther when it comes to that stuff. He doesn't believe in using handles.

So he's just using a suitcase like a very heavy handbag. He's just like this the whole way going, I can't believe it takes 30 minutes to walk to a train station like this. I mean, sure, I just got arthritis, but wow. It's the same height as my hips and I use all four wheels. Yeah, come at a guy who has a truck licence. What the fuck would you know, right? Someone go to their room and get their suitcase

and we'll do a test on the stage. I've done it before, I will do it again. How dare I bring up mistakes about suitcase usage with a truck driver? And furniture removalists. Win, win. It's the best way of doing it. I watched you for five minutes carry a suitcase above your head. The suitcase had wheels.

Oh, yeah, and you're going to wheel it upstairs, were you, stupid? We were on flat ground. Oh, yeah, flat ground in tight. cunt? We were on flat ground. Oh yeah, flat ground in tight... Please show me where there's flat ground. I brought my level with me. I'll whack it out. That bubble's gone wild. Fuck.

Talking to me about flats, wheels, handles, lifting furniture. Shut up. You're right in a room. This is the most stressed anyone's ever been on a beach. And I saw Carl yell at a sound guy for ten minutes. Classic Webby 2. Ty Webby. All right.

Now I'm angry. Can we all just calm down? Who's on Blakey's side here? That's not that much. Who's on my side here? Oh, fuck you. So you're not going to change your ways? No, now I'm fucking digging in.

I'm doubling down. I will never use the handle. If you ever see me with a handle, just fucking cow punch me from behind. It's the end of it. Fuck it over. I don't even want to know. Man, the resale value on my suitcase is so high right now.

The handle's never been used. If anyone wants to get... It's like an action figure. It's never been taken out of the box. Look, delete this from the podcast, if you will. I don't care. Logistically, this lady's paying... I've been keeping the bit about the bag of coke.

Yeah, that's fine. Everyone knows I'm a train wreck. Just quickly, if anyone wants to coward punch me from behind, so to speak, room 3120 up at the Amari. I reckon the sound guy might have a crack soon if you keep slagging off. The handle's here, right? If you've got a puddle, what do you do? The bag hits you.

You go low with the handle. Boom, you're good to go. I'm right. When I'm right, I'm right. I don't give a fuck. Anyway. I've never heard the sound of unconvinced so strongly. Take it from a man who tried to check into a flight to Bangkok

in the domestic terminal at Melbourne Airport. Take this common sense life hack. They weren't quiet because they were with you. They were just writing this down. They're like, oh, yeah, learning. Yeah, he was in domestic. Yeah, I think Thailand's not a state. It's a territory.

So if I could just... Well, you got me there. Anyway, I think Thailand's not a state. It's a territory. So if I could just... Well, you got me there. Anyway, I made it, though. Marijuana? Just. Should we get our second guest out here? Please, please. Folks, please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Stephen K. Amos! Yay!

Modelling our brand new merch. Oh, wow. What a super fan. And our brand new jewellery that we've got for sale as well. Oh, what the fuck? That works. That works. Does it work?

Can you hear me? Oh, no, that's good. Yeah, that's good. What the fuck is happening here? We flew to Thailand to talk about suitcases is what's happening. Now, Stephen, how's good. Yeah, that's good. This is... What the fuck is happening here? We flew to Thailand to talk about suitcases, is what's happening. Now, Stephen, how do you handle luggage? I have people to talk to.

The king. People that look like him. That guy over there that does shit for him, how do you handle luggage? Hang on, we've got Stephen K. Amos on stage. Can we talk to him instead of his PA? Yes, thank you. At least his PA works. Our PA seems to have not worked

so far. Is there actually a man operating this thing? Yes, believe it or not. Can I just ask, international podcast festival, what is international about this? We're in a different country Fuck I thought I was a dumb cunt Sorry Stephen I really respect you

Oh we'd love a Bogan That's the nicest way I've ever been heard I've ever been heard That's the nicest way I've ever been That's the next t-shirt For sure That's the nicest way I've ever been

Oh my god This is incredible The mullet is alive and well Do you know what Does my presence scare you somehow Whatever do you know what? Does my presence scare you somehow? Whatever do you mean? Well, that lovely hair back there, I can hold on to that and ride like a donkey.

Stephen, we've met. I can assure you, you're the little spoon. I beg to differ. The rumours are true. And also, I need to ask you guys Why have you chosen a place called the Ozzo Hotel To do the podcast Of all the venues on this island

The Ozze Skip the E The Ozzes won't get fucking lost The Ozze For those listening we're sitting on a beach Under fucking hot lights I'm sweating like a paedophile on a bouncy castle.

Welcome to Thailand. Well, maybe don't wear pants in Thailand. Anyway. You mean trousers? I'm not the only one. Looking out on the audience here, I'm not the only one wearing trousers. I don't have the legs for shorts. That's my thing. So I don't even...

You know, comedy has a way of bringing you up to dizzy heights and bringing you crashing down to earth. And that's why I'm here. It's yin and yang. Because I flew first class

to get to this shithole. Yeah. And I'm probably going to leave with herpes. I think... Well, especially if you follow through with your thread about Brett Blake. Never had an STD, fuck off.

You've never been to a hospital to check it out, that's what you mean. Yeah, fair. But I think you sort of are here under duress. I think you don't really know why you're here. I think your friend wanted you to come here, and so that's why you're here. I don't think you really know why you're here. I think your friend wanted you to come here and so that's why you're here. I don't think you really know why you're here. I'll be honest, about five... What the fuck is that?

A bug just flew into your mouth. A bug just flew into his mouth. We're not covered by insurance. Please spit it out. Are you not covered by insurance? Well, at least that's catering. So that's something. That was a flying air that time.

Why are all the flies just attracted to me? That's not right. No, a friend of mine is a very big fan of your podcast venture. And she informed me. Yes, whatever they do. You're doing it right now, but yeah. Are we recording this? Yeah.

It doesn't sound like we are, but we are. I don't know. Check the PA, man. Yeah, fingers crossed. So, and she's a massive fan. And I was doing some touring in this region about five weeks ago. And I went, you know what? Yeah, I'll come back.

Because I love the boys. I love Carl. I love Tommy. Not so much a fan of Brett. Because I've been here two minutes and you already slagged me off. This is not good, Brett. Well, you haven't listened to other episodes, normally go a lot harder.

Anyway... Promises, promises. Once again, you're the little spoon, it's on you. Trust me, you think you're sweating now, dude. You think you've got things flying into your mouth now. If you do, you're out. What? Why? I know some...

They've told me that this podcast... I've been on it twice before, I think. Yep, you think. Nice. Lovely bit of respect there. There is no respect there. And I thought maybe coming here to Thailand, we'll try and make a bit highbrow and stuff and go to another level.

But then this morning, I met your parents, Tommy. Yep. And your dad, who informed me, is going to write a book with me in mind. Okay. Can you add me in as one of the characters now? Make sure I'm the big spoon! Yeah, I think it'll be...

I think your passages will be pretty descriptive. What, my passage? No, I think your passage will be chock-a-block. It'll be wide and not descriptive, anyway. All right, guys. So, yeah, you might end up getting written into some of my dad's work. I can't wait. Hopefully, because apparently he's going to write something for...

I'm not saying it. No, no, people know that. Oh, he's going to write something for Saturday. Well, also, it's actually not my dad that you met. It's his alter ego who writes... It's another person. It's a different person. What do you mean?

See how I'm winking at you? It's not my dad. It's a different person. What do you mean? See how I'm winking at you? It's not my dad, it's a different person. Why are you winking at me, though? It's called foreplay, dickhead. Yes, the second most stupid person here now. That work out? Yeah. You know, like, if people...

If everyone here was hearing about, for example, that my dad wrote these pornographic stories that we were reading on the show, they would think that he was, you know, some kind of sick old pervert. Yes. You know, but instead what they're hearing is that it's an alter ego. Yeah. That it's not him.

It's a different person. We don't know where Clark went, but he's Superman. Yeah. That sort of thing. I see. Superman's fucking me in the ass. Super rich. Keep it in the family.

Do you know, I've got a new nickname since I got here. I've only heard 24 hours, and I was working on the beach, and one of these lovely, lovely people trying to sell you stuff, lovely, I think she was a nickname since I got here. I've only been here 24 hours. I was working on the beach. I'm one of these lovely people trying to sell you stuff. I think she was a child, to be honest. Child labour. She came up to me and went, Hello, chocolate man. My mum's like, excuse me?

She went, I've not seen chocolate man before. I wasn't melting. I was not melting for anybody. Everyone loves chocolate that's good I know especially dark chocolate kiss me on the neck

kiss me on the neck really no no we're not going we'll have a baby and standards and yesterday I've got to be honest

I came here to the opening launch thing, which was very lovely. I saw some of you having a good time. Then afterwards, we went into, I think they call it the red light district, with about four or five of your creatures who come. Not these people. These are the lovely people, but these creatures. Oh, my God. What the fuck?

Oh, really? The bad ones? Yeah, the bad ones. And we were taken to some place where there was, you know, people being offered all sorts of things. You buy some golf-type balls. Is that right? Ping-pong balls. And then you insert the ping-pong balls

in some person's... Fuck, I want to see a stripper shoot out some golf balls. That is good. That is not what I said. Four! shoot out some golf balls. That is good. That is not what I said. Four! Oh, wait, I've got a real slice tonight. I'm going to take a mulligan on that one.

She had 18 holes. That's the end of that riff Alright cool I'm just I'm very impressed That you know That that's the number Of holes in golf To be honest

I know I really had to think I was like I don't like coward sports Anyway I'm sorry What really impressed me though Is that one of the people We were out with last night

This just shows you How far your podcast reaches Is an American Yeah Some dude Flown from America To be here with you lovely people. There's even a British guy here as well. Fuck that shit. Where?

Or me? Yes. I just saw the light bulb turn on above your head. One more point to Brett Blake. I think Tommy did a hole in one. Hey, the gold press press. Come on. Can we do a straw poll?

See where people are from. Maybe that's quite interesting. Is everybody from Australia? Anyone not from Australia? Oh, where are you from? But you live in Thailand? What are you running from? No, because you've seen the creepy people who live here.

Honestly, seriously, people who live here are on the fucking run from shit. Whereabouts in the States are you from, madam? Florida. Oh, Florida. Okay. So, I don't want to go into your personal life, and we're not working for the social services. Why did you choose to come to Thailand?

You're a teacher and they've got no schools in America. They do, but you get shot at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, there is that, yeah. Yeah, I do facts every now and then. She can either cover... Hey, Blakey!

Fucking hell, that's a good one, Blakey! She can either get shot in the head with a bullet or a ping pong ball. She's made a good decision. Okay, so America, anybody else? Oh, madam? Oh, Scotland, we've got Scotland in the house. She's Australian. She's Australian.

Oh, shut up, woman. Sorry, sir? Israel. Oh, shut up, woman. Sorry, sir? Israel. Israel. Oh, wow. You take that, Brett. Is that where Jesus was born? It's an honest question.

Yeah? Just please give him an idiot's guide to Israel, please. Is that the Jewish one? For people who can't hear, Blakey just said, is that the Jewish one? No, they heard. He wasn't talking off mic at all. Well, they just heard me and not him. It is, though.

It's the one where they wear the hats. Yes, Brett. Blakey, don't tell anyone. But I didn't know that either. So our friend from Israel. What's your name? Michael. Very local name from Israel.

Do you hear the podcast in Israel? And so that's why you're here. Are you here on your own? Oh, lovely. That's sick. Thank you for shooting us to the top of the charts in the Israel iTunes charts. I like how you asked,

do you hear this in Israel, as if it's just piped out in public places, in shopping centres and stuff. Well, it might do. I don't know. That would be great. If that was happening and we didn't know that.

I believe we marketed it as the second coming in Israel. So, yeah. Yeah, dude. But you know when the podcast is up, you are going back home. Yeah, good. Yeah, because

there are people here. He's not hiding. He's not hiding. Oh, thank you. I knew we shouldn't have done the podcast this late. People are too chirpy. We've got another guest to get on. Yeah, we've got another guest.

Oh, he can wait. Thanks for doing that census for us, Stephen. Let's get our next guest out here. Please welcome back into the little Dumb Dumb Club, Dilruk Jaisingha! Singer! Oh, he's sponsored this year. I just came straight from work.

Tilbrook has a 7-Eleven t-shirt on. Singlet on. This mic is sort of working. Yeah, it's good. Hi, everyone. Hey, hello. This is so nice to see you, Stephen. Nice to see you as well. You said you've been here a couple of days? No, I got here yesterday.

Yeah, because your tan is on point, babe. It is... Smoking. Loving it. No. No, it's natural. I do tan, but I don't like the sun, really. What happens to you when you're in the sun for too long? Blacker.

You, blacker? Come on. Yeah. I think we're maxed out here. What's happening? I don't know. Sounds like Dil's stealing all my gear. I have to throw my notepad out.

To be fair, we wrote for deal we can't say this so we just made him say it we got here I got here a couple of days and Brett joined

all of you guys joined me at the jungle club a few days later and we were having dinner together and it was this beautiful moment

where on the menu there was an item not dark sandwich but there was an item called aubergine rolls and just next to me, all I heard Brett was going, what the fuck is Abergineasy?

Who knew disabilities could be that fun? Pretty sure it's why I'm here. Anyway. Is it your first trip to Thailand? No, this is my third trip, and I've only come with the podcast. I've never been to Thailand without the podcast, so it feels weird to ever come back again. So I think this might be my last time to Thailand.

But they can let you back in. You don't have to do the podcast. Yeah, I hope so. It depends on how the next few days go. So hopefully I'll be back. But I've been having a great time. People keep asking me questions about massages. So I need to give you some information.

Yes, yes, I am very versed in the massages around this area. He was pointing at his crotch as he said that. He had his pants down and had a very oily dick. I do have some tips. My biggest tip is this. First of all, no matter where you go, I do have some tips my biggest tip is this first of all

no matter where you go always always make sure that the person who's about to massage you is an older bigger woman because

if she is being employed she knows her shit if they're young and they're attractive they're going to touch you on the willy and

unless that's what you want but make sure as long as it's a big woman so have you ever had an older woman massage you then in that case? Not in Melbourne. If you need tips about

Melbourne, come to me as well. But I did go for a massage today which was really good actually. A lady called Jen and she was so great. But I went to one yesterday which was not good. It was, unfortunately,

someone who was younger. Hello, random strangers. Welcome. $120, you get a wristband, guys. $400,000. Stephen K., I like my massage is hard. I like it because I just want a lot of it, because of all, you know, so many exercises, whatever.

And this lady, this girl girl wasn't going hard enough. And she's sitting on me. She's got her leg between her legs and my leg between her legs. And she's going pressure. I'm like, more pressure, more pressure. And she goes, oh, I'm trying. I'm like, no, it's okay. Can you please just a little bit harder?

And she goes, can't do strong today. I have my period. Now, I don't want to be, I don't want a period shame or anything like that, but fucking get off me, mate. Like, don't... Oh. Were you worried she might just burst? Well, the way she said it,

she's like a dam. I guess when you're putting all that pressure, the pressure can only come out one end or something, apparently. I wouldn't care. I'm a feminist. I guess when you're putting all that pressure, the pressure can only come out one end or something, apparently. I wouldn't care. I'm a feminist. Are there some female listeners here wanting to retract their Logie vote from last year now? Tom, look, I don't know the biology.

Tommy, you're the closest thing to a woman we have here. What? Is that true? That women have periods? I'll take this one. Yeah. Nailed it. Listening to biology. that women have periods. I'll take this one. Yeah. Nailed it.

Listened in biology. Now, here's the thing. And then at the end of it, she said, enjoy the Kusumi podcast festival as well. I saved it. A great true story that definitely happened. No, but the funny thing is I ran this story by Carl last night

and he had had a few drinks. I'm like, oh, it's a bit crook. I don't know if I should tell this story or not. He goes, oh, it's funny. Go for it, okay? So this morning, and again, I'm like, are you sure I can tell this story? He goes, what story?

I'm like, you know, the massage story. He goes, I don't remember what story. And that's why I laugh now, because it felt like I hadn't heard it. I want a massage here, though. But the other kind, you know. Oh, the special kind? Oh, yeah, baby.

Can one suck itself? Not long enough? I think you can use a snorkeler. Because I've heard that as well. Maybe you boys, you put them with heterosexual boys here, right? Just so everyone at home knows, the guy with a mullet is shaking his head.

I've been told by reliable sources that a lot of heterosexual guys come to this part of the world and they go, oh, let me experiment with a lady boy. It's not quite the same as being with a bloke. A cock's a cock, guys.

But a cock with boobs, big difference, though. Why? How? Boobs. Still, you've got a cock and big boobs. We're all friends, we're being honest. Any one of you guys prepared to admit that you've sampled the delight? Look at me in the eyes. Look at me, pal.

I've been here a lot and I have actually never done it. Fuck off. I've never done anything bad. Why is it bad? No, no, I mean with anything like that. Happy endings or anything like that. He'd be cheating on his wife if he does that. Yeah, I've always had a partner.

What goes on tour? Well, I don't think that's a rule here. I don't know. I wouldn't rule it out. I reckon I'd dabble. Good man. Honest.

In a ladyboy. The guy's here. The guy's here. I don't dabble. Be honest, guys. Fuck off. Cowards. Yeah, look at fucking Aussie blokes.

No, I might. Fuck that shit. I'd dabble. My problem is I'm not into Asians. So, I don't know how I can get around that issue. Good luck getting your beer tonight, cunt.

Why do you think I went sober? They stopped serving me because of racism. What's happened to you in the last day? Andrew Dice, Jaya Singer. Mary had a little left. Real Cary Crouch. We actually couldn't get Dilruch this year. That's actually Chris Lilley.

I like Chris Lilley. Have you met him? Yeah. Which version of him? Did you like the blackface version of him? No. Did you know that he did blackface? No. Do you still of him? Did you like the blackface version of him? No. Did you know that he did blackface? No.

Do you still like him? No. Whoops. Hey, you learned something by coming here. This is an educational trip. I'm so pleased I came here. I hope we come a lot more later. I'll grow up.

It's natural. We are doing... What, me coming is natural? Yes, well, it's not... How the fuck do you know? Well, it's not super natural. So anyway... Let's dig deeper into how you think Stephen's cock works.

Yeah, please. Does it have a cape? A cape? A what? Didn't you say super? He said super. I'm sorry. It's supernatural, so he thinks you have a ghost cock.

Yeah. It's not got a cape, it's got a hood. I said it's not... A hood? Like a white hood? I believe it's a cordon. Okay, Stephen, que que queimos? You call it the Grand Dragon?

It doesn't start as a white hood, obviously. But eventually... Is there a beer? Can I get a beer, darling? Thank you. What kind of beer has he got in that thing? It's not Chang, is it? I believe it's Singer. Oh, good.

Oh, you don't like Chang? Are we at war, Chang? What does that mean? What the fuck? It's a budget. Oh, is that bad? Can I have one, Karen? Chang gives you fucking the weirdest, awful hangovers ever.

Oh. Doesn't it? I don't think I've ever had a hangover on Thai beer. I think it's so watery that I'm quite fine with it. I can't speak. You've given up?

Yeah, just in terms of comedy. Did you win a Logie? I did, yes. That's so exciting. Thank you. We've got a bonafide Logie award I did, yes. That's so exciting. Thank you. We've got a fucking bona fide Logie award winning. What was that like?

It was very exciting. It was actually a big part to do with a lot of the listeners. It's not that impressive. They all voted for him. That's why he won it. I found out

they all voted and got behind me. It was really nice but I then found out that Tommy didn't vote. What do you think about that, Stephen K. That's fucking rude.

Were you nominated? Yeah, I was nominated so I had to vote. Yeah. What do you think about that, Stephen K. That's fucking rude. Were you nominated? Yeah, I was nominated, so I had to vote for myself. Best new female talent. Biggest pussy. Where are your parents, by the way? Are they actually here?

Yeah. They're trying to find some fake people I can point at. Don't point them out. They're right there. His mum is probably at the ATM Yeah they're here in the crowd They're watching the show right now

Well there was a long running theory that that's how Tommy got any money at all Through his mum Well going to the ATM Well that's where you get money from So yes Oh so I don't get it, though. Please help me.

So, Tommy is certifiably... ...unemployable and... Great, I'll head on that. All right, let's get back onto this podcast. Dil, tell us more about this chick getting her period. Let's get back into safer territory. And I should also point out, for those listening, Let's get back into safer territory. And I should also point out, for those listening,

that Dil and myself are the only ones who kind of got into the spirit of the whole tie-in podcast thing by wearing singlets. Yes, because it's the weather. I mean, Brett Blake's in the singlet, but he's always in the singlet. Yeah, but that's not the correct... What the fuck are you talking about? But yours is 7-Eleven, and I've got your podcast one on.

Yes, you have our podcast one on and Dil was wearing that as well and I feel like he didn't want to get upstage so he must have run down the

street and bought a new singlet. No, no, no. I bought it like earlier this morning. But you did get changed. What do you mean?

No, no, no. My other singlet's back in the hotel. Oh, I get it. No, no, no. You think I saw Stephen K going, oh fuck, he's done it.

I can't follow that. What do you think just happened? Yes, that's exactly what I thought. No, no, no. You think I saw Stephen K going, oh, fuck, he's done it. I can't follow that. What do you think just happened? Yes. Possibly. No, no, no. I had this ready to go. I was excited about it. How many 7-Elevens did you have to go to to get that?

I didn't go to a 7-Eleven to get it. There's a whole bunch. It's not licensed, man. It's not like the Hard Rock Cafe where you go in the 7-Eleven, get a condom and buy the t-shirt. So you bought that from a store? Yeah, yeah. Of all the fucking t-shirts you could buy.

Yeah, I was trying to go for humour. Like, just a bit of silliness? Just a bit of fun? Okay. So, we are doing... What are you doing, Carl? I'm trying to. So we are doing a... What are you doing, Carl? I'm trying to say. We are doing a...

You may not know about this, Stephen, but we are doing... I know nothing. We are doing a fun run on Friday. So a couple of days after this live podcast, we're doing a fun run. Who's going to participate in that 5K fun run, yeah? Go, Blakey! Go, Blakey. Blakey's not running till Chando takes my bed.

Those are two words that should not belong together, fun and run. Right. We are going to run from the front of the Ozu-Chuwing. It's about 2.5km up there and then back again. Now, the winner gets... We've got prizes, we've got medals for male and female listeners, for male and female guests.

Shall we say this? The guy who made our official Dum Dum Club Westgate Pilsner, he's here and he's bought some of it with him. Yes. Yes. Oh, wow. So there will be prizes of an exclusive limited edition Dum Dum beer. A lot of participation prizes.

So the more people that participate in the run, the better. That would be great. Stephen's not happy about the run the better, that would be great. Steven's not happy about the participation part. That shit. I've already talked to the jet ski guys, they would not let you take it past the rocks over there, so it's real fucked. I'm trying to do that. Yeah, anyway. So you're

getting people to do this fun run, and as a prize, give them alcohol. Yes. That makes sense. When we finish at about 9.30am, as much beer as you can drink then. It should go well. What was that? Alright, you're only allowed to talk if you're funny from now on. Ready, leave the stage.

Fuck, that's a big call deal. Go on about periods again. So what else have you got planned? Fun run? Yeah, fun run. This is exciting. We've got the fun run. Tommy, you're running?

I'm going to run. Under duress? No, I'm going to... You know what I was just thinking? Do we have anyone of the listeners who would be interested in starting a sort of an unofficial bookie operation? Do we want to post up odds for the comics that are competing? So my money is on Oliver Clarke.

We had a bit of a pre-run the other day, and he is looking extremely fit. I was psyching everyone out. That's why I was puffing. Had nothing to do with the four packets of cigarettes I had that day. Dill's been very active on the socials about running, so he's a big chance when you compete in the run, right, Dil? I have told you, Carl, since January 2019 that I won't be running.

Why won't you be running? Because I very earnestly shared with you a personal reason why I don't like to run in competitions. So you don't want to run as part of... No, I was telling you, I will support the event, and I'll be there at the finish line, and I'll cheer you on, but I won't be running as part of the comp. But aren't you the face of Run Melbourne?

I am the ambassador for Run Melbourne. And that's a thing where a lot of people compete to run for 5 to 10K and things like that, yeah? They're allowed to compete. I just have to hang out and go, what's up? But you're going to run like that, yeah? They're allowed to compete. I just have to just hang out and go. But you're going to run in it, yeah? I might. So the same thing as what we're doing in a couple of days.

Well, also, basically contractually, I'm not allowed to run in any other event. I'm just saying. I don't want to give back all the fucking goods. That's absolutely not true. It's some truth to that, but I mean, yeah. But that's not the reason I'm not running. The reason I'm not running the reason I'm

not running is I told you if you want me to be serious I'll fucking be serious okay it takes a lot of mental

strain for me to get up and run and as soon as it becomes competitive I don't enjoy it and I'd rather enjoy

this trip and not get competitive about it but you are running in the Run Melbourne thing but not in

the competitive way but you are running that's a competition but I'm but I'm but But I'm...

But not, like, against anyone in particular or anything like that. So just do that. Like this. So just do that on Friday here. No, you've made it a fucking weird... But it's a thing. No, no, you've made it weird by giving me a weird answer. No, I mean, I told you very honestly in private why I don't want to run.

But you still said, no, I'm doing it anyway, and you're fucking running. I'm like, no, I'm not. Yeah, mum gives me money. We can all enjoy that. We can have a good old laugh at that, everyone. So just... So we're going to have a run on Friday. And I'll be there to support.

I ran with you today. Correct. Just do that again. He doesn't want to do it. It shouldn't be the end of discussion, honestly. Dill is not the only person who's not running. I'm not running as well. Who cares?

Dil. I was trying to say Dil. I think I'm going to have my period that day. I'm going to run. Can you give me a back massage? Why is it so important for you that I run? Why is it so important for you to run and how is it more important than me telling you

it's not mentally making me happy to do it? But you're going to run in the other thing. Why don't you run in everything? That's not the point. I'm not running because I've hired a fucking car. Blakey, can you run with your suitcase? If I have the handle up. If you ran with an empty suitcase and beat everyone,

I would never relift my handle again. Put Dil in the suitcase and run with him. He's going to be part of this race. No, don't force me to do something I don't want to do. Thank you. Stand your ground. Leave him. No, I'm just saying, look, I really love that you're doing this and the medal looks amazing.

I just don't want to be part of it and I have my reasons. I just think it's not fair. If they would say one of us put up a thing and you don't want to do it, you don't want to be part of it, and I have my reasons. Like, I just think it's not fair. Like, if they would say, like, one of us put up a thing, and you don't want to do it, you wouldn't want to. Like, if Dazzalo did, like, a Mario Kart competition at Samui, which I know a lot of listeners would be into, would you love it?

Yeah. Would you then do it, Carl? Um, yes. Yeah, that's not true. Just quickly, I had cancer, but sure, smoke around me all you want. It's not like you can get it twice, Tommy, you're fine. Yeah, double jeopardy. It's like chicken pox.

So 9 o'clock on Friday morning deal. Mate, I'll be there at 8.30 cheering everyone on, give them warm-ups. But I ran with you today. Just do what you did. Why? Tell me, okay, tell me why is it so important for you that I run? Because I want all my friends running along with me. Why is it so important for you not to run?

I told you. And I told you again just then. You're going to run for the other race. It's completely different. How is that different? How is it different to run in one race and not the other race? This is good content. This is good content.

I'm so glad you guys flew over for this. It is. Kyle, just get a fucking room. I told you that I don't want to do it, and that should have been the end of the discussion. Let it go. Don't hold me back anymore. All right, who wants Dill's room?

Mate, if you want to bully me into something that I don't want to do... Yes, I do want to do that. But don't do it. I'm saying I don't like when you do that. He's not doing it. We've gone to the days when white men take control. Oh, we've got a bit of time. We've got a couple of years. Well, we do. We were talking about posting up the odds

and that we would, you know, see. We want to get the odds going of who will be the most, who's most likely to win the race. And we have... What? What the fuck did that come from? All right. Something supernatural just happened.

Stephen got his dick out. Let's get... Tell you what, Tommy. If the prize was a lot more attractive to me, I'll enter that fucking race. What would a prize be that would be attractive to you, Stephen? I want something new and fresh. Tommy's anus He's got a lot of lumps down there

Anyway Love it Like money, like cash Are you hard up? Dude he's here His career's gone down It feels like a grand prize If Dil runs on Friday

Dil is not running on Friday If Dil runs on Friday I will do a fundraiser I will run Melbourne And I will raise money For Shake It Up Australia So The fundraiser

I will raise money For Parkinson's disease. Good on you. Do it. Great. $2,000 down as well, you cheapskate. You saved enough money on the train. Sure.

Let's do it. Well, I'm not going to run, so that's a shame for the Parkinson's Foundation that you're not going to donate them. Stephen, if we put up a cash prize, would you run as deal in slightly less

blackface? Genuinely no idea where that sits on the register. If that's okay. I have no idea.

The best thing about that is Tommy's face after he said it was just looking at me and Stephen going,

is that okay? I don't know. Stephen, Stephen. Really looking at Chris Lilley with doing one face as a black man. If you back-rammed it, you'd like that one I had heat stroke. Stephen, can you run his skinny face?

So, as in what? What? He's fat. Fucking hell. Filling the gaps. Who is, though? Who is that joke against? Nobody's fat. Yeah,. Fill in the gaps. Who is, though? Who is that joke against? Nobody's fat.

No, you're skinny now. Ah, right. So Stephen's fat. But I'm also skinny. What the fuck? You're implying that Stephen would have to dress up as a skinny person. I just like that you're now the fat guy on this podcast. Am I the fat guy?

No, no, no. You're still the black guy. That's fine. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are we not guests on your international shit show? The fucking Tom Young Club fuckwit? Well, we were... What?

You think the name of the podcast is Tom Young Club fuckwit? It's not called the Tom Young Club. It's the Tom Young Club. It is now. That's so much better. Tom Young. Tom Young, yeah. Have Yum Club. It is now. That's so much better. Tom Yum. Tom Yum. Yeah.

Have I sucked this up? Yes. You're meant to be on the other side of the island. It's a different podcast called the Tom Yum Yum Club. We named the podcast after my sex life, the Tom Yum Club. We change our podcast name to whatever the dish is in whatever country we go to. Yes. That's what happens.

Well, we were talking about posting odds for the race. Let's quickly chat to the absolute odds-on favourite to win the race, the guy that everyone's money is on. Let's get him out here. Nick Carr, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you. If you think that any of these other fuckheads have any chance,

you have not been paying attention. I've been preparing for this race for 32 years. Says the guy who changed his shirt four times on the way up here. From sweat. A lot of sand there, Brett. It's a hard run. Just doing push-ups behind it to get pumped up. No, I've been carbo-loading now for 32 years.

I'm well and truly ready for this. Aren't you 29? Some in utero spaghetti, yeah. So Brett Blake backs himself a fair bit. You think you've got him? Yeah, I'm going to smash him. Yeah. He's a fucking nerd.

He's been training by running. I've been doing a lot of men... It's all about men. I've been reading up a lot about it. That's the squiggly things that make you cry on the page Brett

the words yeah I was going to say I don't yeah thanks for having me on Carl this is good

yep you're killing it can I just ask can I just ask in terms of health and safety is it okay for a man with red hair

to run in sunlight not even remotely safe yeah the red hair for a man with red hair to run in sunlight? Not even remotely safe. Yeah, the red hair's a problem with him running. I reckon you look down from the hair. Oh wait, no, it goes all the way down to the belly. To be fair, Thailand hasn't had a tsunami for a while, so they do. You weren't at that sky-high slide

today, Carl. Oh yeah, I went on it. It was sick. Yeah, it was real good. My neck's fucked, but it was good. Yeah, there's no water left. It's not open tomorrow. It's closed down.

It's good. The two guys at the bottom of the slide, as Nick goes down, look at each other and go, no, no, no, no, no. And I was like, yes yes yes this is gonna be sick yeah right i made the mistake the first time i went up there's a sign and i started reading it and then it said like something along the lines of this will likely result in injury so i stopped reading there and i went in with a plan because you have to have a plan and I start going down it like face first

and then you come up and then I got to the peak of the jump and then I realised my plan didn't mean shit because I was just pissing my pants so I dove face first and that really hurt but then the second time I went up I read the rest of the sign

and it said whatever you do don't fucking jump face first. That's why I always read. Yeah, classic Hemingway over here. Hemingway wrote, he didn't read. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was a writer. I actually thought he might have been a scientist.

I was real fucked there. I guess he would have been writing what he was reading. Reading what? Fuck. It's contagious! Gotcha! Damn! I caught HVI from you. Hard.

Ah, fuck it. I was like, fuck it, I'll do the word. We've really got to do the podcast earlier in the evening, I think. I think that's pretty fair. I found that a lot of the listeners, compared to the last two years, well behaved last night. Like, the first round of applause for you guys for that.

Because, yes, you didn't... Not the group I was with. You went to the red light district. Yes. Yeah, like, that's your fault. That's on you, though. I didn't know. I don't want to victim blame, but that's on you. Well, you are victim blaming, because I didn't know. I thought it you, though. I don't want to victim blame, but that's on you. Well, you are victim blaming because I didn't know.

I thought it was a nice bit of culture, going to see part of the city. It is cultural, but I don't, yeah. It's your fault. No. Did you feel like trying any of the tricks? Myself? Yeah.

No. What was the most bizarre thing that you saw that you weren't expecting to see? Did you feel like trying any of the tricks? Myself? Yeah. No. What was the most bizarre thing that you saw that you weren't expecting to see? Nick Carr not sweating. I saw a lady shoot something very far. And it wasn't a gun. Oh, right. Yeah.

Okay. A rifle. Heroin needle. No. What was the item? It was. Okay. A rifle. Heroin needle. No. What was the item? It was a ball. A ball. It was the ping pong ball.

Yeah. Yeah, right. Did you catch it? With my mouth. I didn't plan on that. It was horrible. I didn't like that. And also, I'm very wary of all the kind of like touristy attractions, like all the elephant rides, all that kind of shit. I'm a very fond animal lover.

I don't subscribe to any of that sort of bollocks. But there's a nice sanctuary, though. The nice ones, yes. Thank you. One applaud. It's great. The rest of you, ride away, fuckers. Everyone was just like, well, cool, you didn't see an elephant shoot a ping pong ball out of its vagina. Well done.

You haven't seen Nick Carr's solo show yet. I'll do a little bit of a teaser now. Has anyone got a ping pong ball? Do you have the vagina ready, do you?

I've got one that I prepared earlier. Why didn't I get a seat? I think it's time to wrap this up. What do you guys think? There's one right fucking there. Because it looks like you sat down for most of your...

Anyway. All right, we better wrap this up. What do you reckon? Yeah? Yep. I think we tied everything we needed to tie. Let's keep talking. It's great.

Carl's still looking at me in a weird way. What are you looking at me for, Carl? I would just like to have a bit of exercise with you on Friday. Man, I'll exercise with you tomorrow. Tell me this. Why is it so important for you that I in particular do it? I just want to just let it go, though. There's bigger things in life.

You know what? You know why I don't want to do it? I've decided I just thought there's no point competing with my mates. There's more things in life. Like, you know, I have a wife and a daughter now. No, no, no. That's you. Maybe have some fucking perspective. You've got a daughter now. No, no, no. That's you. Maybe

have some fucking perspective. You've got to pick one. You can't do both. Huh? Do you miss Dil or something? What's going on here? I'm getting a kind of like brotherly kind of romance shit going on. I just want us all to do stuff together. I don't know why he wouldn't do it with us together. That's all.

Well, you've got a room. You can exercise in your room together. Sure, okay. You up for that, Jill? I'll dabble. See? See, I've sorted out... Call me Oprah.

I've sorted out... I've just sorted... You get a route, you get a route, you get a route. We're going to Australia! We are! See, it's a route, you get a route. We're going to Australia. So it's fine now, isn't it? That's good. Dale will come and see you tomorrow before the fun run.

You have your own sort of exercise fun thing and have a chat and let this go. Do not have this domestic in front of these lovely people. I agree. I agree. Oh, Nick Cody's leaving. See you, mate. Cody fucks off at the right time. See you, Cody. Fine decision, dude. You can hear him talk about

staffies from here. You lovely people are quite reasonable. But a round of applause. Do you think it was wrong for Carl to bully Dil? One, two, three. Oh, shit. That, young man, is democracy.

Open brackets. Shut the fuck up about it. You know what? You know what? Trump won the popular vote. So, people can be wrong. People can be wrong. He didn't. He didn't though. Thank you, madam.

People can be wrong. I was wrong then. Tommy, what has happened to your podcast? I mean, I'm roped into this because I'm technically the mutt leader who is dick dastardly. So I think I'm just along for the ride no matter what happens. Can I just say, talking about Trump, people are saying that Donald Trump is doing a bad job of being the president. And I for one say maybe, maybe we should cut him some slack.

Hear me out. Hear me out. Just because you do a bad thing once, it does not make you a bad person. My uncle recently beheaded a woman. Not a bad thing once It does not make you a bad person My uncle recently Beheaded a woman Not a bad person Bad magician Oh he's doing gear

Love it Thank god We're in trouble We're in trouble Love it Someone's doing gear Fucking joke He's hit the

Fucking joke He's hit the gear button Fucking joke mate On the part Thanks mate Can we do a request? Can you do the Doors bit? Oh, God.

Save it till tomorrow night. Alright, guys. The only request I would like is that I haven't been able to get any Class A drugs. Lakey's here! What are Class B drugs, by the way? Blakey's here. It starts with a B.

B's for Blake, right. Yeah, that's, yeah. Are you sure? He doesn't seem sure if Brett starts with a B. It's a P, you fuck it. All right, guys, we're going to wrap this up for another week. Please give a big round of applause. Brett Blake, Stephen K. Amos, Dyruk Jai Singer, Nick Carr.

Thanks very much for listening at home and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. So can you hear the waves? You can hear the waves. Right. Right. Is it distracting?

Is it good? Is it bad? I think it's nice. Okay, nice. You can hear the waves. Right. Yeah. Is it distracting? Is it good? Is it bad? I think it's nice. Okay, nice. I think it's pleasant. Right. You know, it's a soothing little undercurrent. Yeah, yeah, great.

You can't hear them for the first two minutes because the sound of our theme song playing in its entirety. Oh, right. That's right. Drowns them out. God. Yeah, we have done it again. Like, we're not making this stuff up.

Like, this is just what keeps happening to us. Every time you think, well, we can't find a different way to fuck up, we find a different way to fuck up. So we didn't bring a techie over this year. We hired a techie from here that promised us that he knew what he was doing and just at the first hurdle. Yeah. So this is a guy that lives in kosamui that you found

and you're like great i found a guy who lives on kosamui who's happy to do it yep this will be great great turn up i meet him i go there's a bit of bit of familiarity there i go to you and i go is this the guy we found last year who rented us a mixing desk that electrocuted me while I was using it. Yes. Yes, it is. And he's done it again. I don't know which was preferable. Be careful, guys. When you're listening to this, put rubber gloves on when you're listening to this episode.

I don't know what was more painful, watching him not be able to find the volume control on a laptop or getting bolts of electricity shot through me last year. But, yeah, he's done it again. But fun stuff. Apart from that, lots going on in this episode. A great time on the beach. Stephen K. Amos turning up, which we had severe doubts about.

Yeah, look, let's do a tiny bit on that. There wasn't a lot of communication. It did feel a lot like vibes of Dave Anthony from last year. We were like, I don't know if he's going to show up. He hasn't really responded to any messages for a long time and stuff like that.

And you know what? To be honest, why should he turn up? He wasn't really completely au fait with what we were doing. If I was him, I wouldn't have turned up.

I actually respect him a bit less for having turned up. Yeah. And we were like, well, if he doesn't turn up, we'll have plenty to talk about as well. Right, 100%. Yeah. So we are recording this. Let's keep talking about the episode.

Okay. Yeah. So for all that, look, I know there's going to be complaints that I went Dilrub too hard on this episode. There's people complaining on the beach or whatever, you know, in there, in there. Oh, who votes for this? Oh, who votes? Who cares?

Just so everyone knows, if you go to complain to me, I don't care. Okay. Because I'm 100% behind my own opinion. Right. Yeah. Now, the facts are, we were going for a run. They've heard it. They've already heard it.

No, I don't care. I'm doubling down. Who cares? Now I'm going to talk about it for 15 more minutes. I'm doubling down. So, you know what? If you, either you give me an explanation then. You were very quiet on it.

You give me the explanation. He, this now, this is what's literally happening. Yeah. He didn't want to go for the run with us. He went for the exact same run with me the day before. Yeah. He's the face of run melbourne yeah now it's not me making a fat man run a distance he cannot run it's 5k he's the face of run melbourne

he's running 20k now he was like i don't like to be competitive he's running a competitive race for run melbourne that's what it is i say i will raise money for Parkinson's Australia. He says, oh, well, they can do without the money. I don't think that's a direct quote, but yeah. Well, get the direct quote. Okay. Because the direct quote is, I think his direct quote is, I said, I'll do this and I'll raise $1,000 for it. And he said, well, I guess they're not getting it then.

Okay. Now, that's the direct quote. Now, you tell me. Either you tell me or give me some sort of argument as to why I'm wrong. I'm not saying, he just doesn't want to do it. Who cares? Well,

he's part of the festival, everyone else does it. I will say this, we're jumping ahead a bit. He came to the run, he supported everyone. He was at the finish line. Plenty of our other guests just slept in and didn't even come to support at the finish line. I don't think plenty.

I think two. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not convinced. Not a good argument. Okay. I'm definitely right.

Okay. Definitely right. Okay. Yeah. Well, by saying this doubling down now, you're just going to get even more feedback from people well if someone can give me a better reason then i'm happy to get the feedback okay but i am absolutely right absolutely right in everything i've said so far okay agreed you agree i'm right good to. Tommy Daslow agrees that I'm right. Yeah, no comment.

I don't care enough to have an opinion. He just doesn't want to run. I don't care. Why does it matter? But why doesn't he want to run? If he ran the day before and he's running for Run Melbourne. If this was you and it was something you didn't want to do and someone was trying to force you into it,

I don't think you would handle it as well as Dilruch did. Let's say that. You are not a fan of being told to do something that you don't you into it. Yes. I don't think you would handle it as well as Dilrub did. Let's say that. You are not a fan of being told to do something that you don't want to do. Yes. Sure. And I think a lot of people were probably that way as well. That's a natural thing. But at least I would have a reason.

But he told you his reason. He just didn't. Anyway, who cares? Well, you told me that. You were about to tell me then. What's the reason then? He just said. I don't know.

He just doesn't want to do it. Run Melbourne isn't a competitive thing. He's not doing it as a competitive thing. He's doing it because he's an ambassador for it, and it's a work thing. But it's exactly this. Well, isn't this a work thing? It's exactly the same. I don't care.

I'm not him. I'm not just baiting you on this. Well, you gave me an argument, and then you backed out of it. So I'm saying all the facts that you're presenting and he's presenting, I'm just holding them up to a light and seeing through them. That's all. Okay, sure. Okay, so I'm right.

We all agree then. So that's official. Good. So we're in Copenhagen. Anything else you want to get out of the way? Anything else? Any other unfinished business about this episode? I'll think of more.

I'll think of more on this point and I'll sprinkle them throughout this bit. Knock yourself out. Yes. People have your phone number. I'm excited to see what the text line lights up with after this episode goes out. Guys, if you've got Parkinson's and you're struggling. Oh, my God. You could have had the cure by now.

But unfortunately, you have to hit up Dilruch about it. Unfortunately. I'd love to have helped out. I love to put my money in i'd love to have made a real the work the same amount of work that we did with dill winning a logi i'd love to have done all that with parkinson but unfortunately my hands are tied my hands are tied i wish i could help this really is like wrestling now where you're just happy to be the villain, standing up on the ropes, the crowd's just booing, and you're going, bring it on. Yeah, bring it on.

Smash a chair over my head. I don't care. If a villain wants to cure Parkinson's, sure, call me a villain. Fucking hell. What a bad bloke. The man in black trying to help people with disease. My God. What a baddie.

Can we move on? I wish I could. Yes people with disease. My God. What a baddie. Can we move on? I wish I could. Yes, all right, we will. All right. Anything else you want to get out? I don't think so. I think I'm all good for now. Okay.

Yeah. Great. I'm waiting for you to move on. I'm giving you the time to move on. So, yeah, this was the first one. There's only one more of these to come. Next week, you the time to move on. So yeah, this was the first one. There's only one more of these to come. Next week you'll hear

that. We have done, we've generally done more live episodes when we've been in Samui. We did two this year. And a reminder that do go on, we're over there

with us. So if you want to hear more beach vibes with guests from our show as well, you know, guests from our little world, go check their show out. Not sure we got paid

the rental on that, but anyway, I'll chase that up as well. Maybe that's my new issue. Paid the rental, what do you mean? Yeah from our little world. Go check their show out. Not sure we got paid the rental on that, but anyway, I'll chase that up as well. Maybe that's my new issue. Paid the rental? What do you mean? on our guests. Oh,

for the use of our little mates that we dragged over. Yeah. So yeah, we are now currently in Copenhagen. I was going to say earlier that we're now off duty. We've finished all the stuff that we had to do

for the Koh Samui International Podcast. Well, apart from this. Apart from this. This was my point. We are official. We're meant to be. We've finished all the stuff that we had to do for the Coastal Mui International Podcast. Well, apart from this. Apart from this. This was my point. We are official. We're meant to be on holiday at this point. So my aim was for this to be the shortest talking dum-dum in recorded history.

That's gone out the window. That's all right. We can make it short from now. We have motorbikes sitting in the lobby waiting for us to get on and explore the island. We've got Brett Blake and Oliver Clark waiting for us downstairs to go and... We've skipped breakfast, so we're absolutely stinging for lunch. Yep. Our rings are absolutely burning from last night's dinner.

Yeah, we had a great Indian meal on the island. Oh, God. That was so good. Is your ring burning? Mine's fine. Well, you just told me you've been riding the porcelain all day so far. No, we were talking last night about how the big shit you do the morning after a curry. Very satisfying.

So it wasn't bad. It was just like just a full system. A hard reset. Let's put it that way. A systems collapse. Yeah. But no, it was... So it's fixed now. It wasn's put it that way. A systems collapse. Yeah, yeah. But no, it was... So it's fixed now, is what you're saying?

It was all... It wasn't problematic in any way. You know, it wasn't tweeting the N-word at any point. It was just... Oh, when you said riding the Porsche, usually I would have thought that meant, oh, God, you've had a long flight riding it. But you've just been quick and easy.

It's just done. I was on there for a bit, but it wasn't like, you know, God, I'm in trouble here. It was just like, here we go. We're just going to get down it, just clear 10 minutes out of the schedule, and now I'm back to full strength. Right.

God, this has probably been a very hard one to listen to for a lot of people. Like, if you were fine with the run chat, this has really put you off. I was doing runs Melbourne this morning. I went for a run with Oliver Clark this morning because I ate so much last night that I felt physically ill. I felt like I was a chance of googling what you do when you're anorexic just to clean it out of my system. You fucking last night, we all sit down to an Indian meal. You order two curries. Now, are you going to back yourself on that and say that you're right with that one as

well? I'm going to back myself on saying that I did it. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't. I'm a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong, unlike other people. Unlike other people. More people should be like me, really. Wow, right. If someone else, a Sri Lankan friend of mine, could be more like me and admit when he's wrong, the world would be a better place.

Right. I was wrong to eat three people's worth of meals. Yeah. Yes. It was a disgusting display from all of us, really, even with just one serve of food. Well, on the menu, the food was like five bucks each, and I was like, oh, this is obviously smaller portions. It wasn't smaller portions. god fuck i was we we walked home we walked about what 5k home five kilometers home but like 5k doesn't sound that far i guess when you're in the city but along unlighted tiny little roads it it seems a lot more don't you think it's a decent walk it

was like over half an hour or so yeah by the time we got back totally totally and a huge hill at the end which is we're staying up the top of this huge hill and it's on it was on the night of full moon party so there was just constant taxis beeping us going well obviously you need a taxi who the fuck would be walking around in the middle of the night like this yeah and i was going no no no we're big fat cunts now we need to walk yeah fuck this who cares let's go get lunch yeah okay patreon little sorry all right you can support us on there we do five i mean i mean we do a different number of names every week i like this what's made you so hungry is us going oh we ate too much last night then we took a big shit i'm hungry everyone well i'm just i keep you know i

get sucked into the void of like riffing with my friend. Yes. And then you're sitting in front of the window. So all I have to do is cast my eyes a centimeter across to be reminded of what I'm missing out on right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. And all of a sudden this just becomes the stupidest thing in the world to be doing. Yes, sure.

So people subscribe to us on Patreon. We very much appreciate that. This is the part of the show where we have to do our due diligence and say thank you to a select random number of people. It's different every single week. We have dragged across the unplanned title alternator with us over here to Thailand. It flew to Bangkok. Then it flew to Koh Samui,

then we had to get it on the ferry. We had to privately charter a ferry because it's so big that it won't fit on any of the commercial ones. Yeah, we had to get a different connector for it. We had to manually restore the English settings to it when it just used the Wi-Fi here and it all came up in Thai. It's been quite a journey. All right.

Well, let's crack in. Right. Well, if you're so busting to get out of here, we'll cut it right down. We won't do as many this week. We'll do, let's do five. So, number one, thank you to patron subscriber. Genuinely, can we just do two? Thank you to patron subscriber, Helen Toy.

Helen Toy Helen Toy Yes Wow What do you think about that? Oh that's This feels like Now we're going to have to do another half hour on this We're not getting lunch

I'd honestly rather go back to talking about the run We're not getting This is dicey Yeah We're not getting lunch Helen Toy Helen Toy That's That's Helen Toy. That's

a tough one. That's a real tough one. If you haven't had a family reunion at some stage and called it Toys R Us, you fucked it. Toy Story coming out would have been a big one for her.

The autobiography, Toy Story? Yeah, great. I wonder if she's excited for the new one coming out next Friday, I believe. This Friday. Are we going to dance around the other one? What? Well, the other reference with something with toy in it? I'd like to keep dancing, yes.

Okay, all right. I'd like to keep doing a bit of do-si-do. All right, let's do some Pride of Erin. Big fan of Helen, though. I like Helen. I like that name. I'm fucking very interested in the life of a family that has toy as a surname. That's, like, again, I don't know if I've mentioned this, but, you know, her ancestors at some stage.

What were they? A fucking teddy bear? Oh, right. Where do you get that name? Yeah, you think her great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was a slinky. G.I. Joe. That would be great if we see a photo of Helen and she's just a giant spring. That would also, having fallen downstairs That many times

Would explain why She wants to donate money To this podcast Yes Alright thanks Helen Thanks Helen Thank you to Patreon subscriber

Dominic Collins Ooh That's not where I thought That was going Because Dominic You know Dominic Not Dominic

Dominic Dominic Yeah Do you get Do you get away with Being called Nick When you're Dominique? Interesting. I've never heard of it.

I'm sure maybe some people do do it. But by rights, you should be able to. There's a bit of Dom. Maybe not so much Nick. I guess my complaint would be Nick is, I think, in the grand scheme of things, a pretty plain name. I don't mind it. It's fine. It's good.

I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying it's a pretty common name saying it's it's a pretty common name it's a pretty regular name sure whereas so to go for that when you've got dominic is interesting dom is interesting yep you really are selling yourself short by cutting it down like that but maybe that's what you know some people want to blend in if that was me if i was dominic i would cut it down to nick but the problem I would then have is that you are Nick NIC, not NICK. I like this K. You've got to bust in a K from somewhere else.

Yeah, well, I don't think you should or can. That's not being honest. But let's say if your middle name was Kevin, then you've got a K just hanging around there. So you could go Nick NIC, NIC, K, Collins. I'm in. That's pretty good. N-I-C-K Collins. I'm in. That's pretty good. N-I-C-apostrophe-K. Yeah, but I mean, the apostrophe doesn't, that's not a thing that people do.

They don't apostrophe before their middle name. You're just having to like, every time you write it out, there's a space that people are still. There isn't a, yeah, but the apostrophe takes over because that's shortening it. You're shortening the space. You're shortening the space. You're shortening the space. Okay, I'm back in. Yeah. I also do like if it was Dominique and you shave it and it's Nick, but it's Nick spelt N-I-Q-U-E.

Yes, I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen that before. Yeah, there's a clothing store called that. Is there? Yeah, Nick, N-I-Q-U-E. Yeah, that's good. Good clothing store too. So that is a common thing? I and iq yeah that's a good clothing store too

so that is a common thing i don't know if it's a common thing right i don't know if that's the name of that clothing store it should be more common and there should be a nick with apostrophe k yeah or even like that in general but also yeah if you've got if you've got a name i can't think of any other examples where this would happen but if you've got a name, I can't think of any other examples where this would happen, but if you've got a name where you want to shorten it at the end, but you just need that. So let's say me, for example. Let's say if I wanted to cut Tommy in half and go by Miff,

but I can't because I've just got the M-Y. So then I just have a middle name. If I had a middle name that started with F, then I'm just M-Y apostrophe F. Oh, right. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Right, right, right.

So it's basically, it's a bit of scrabble action going on. You're just trying to put things together. And also, your name's Thomas, not actually Tommy. Yeah. So if I wanted to be... So if you wanted to... If I wanted my first name to be Masturbate... So change my middle name to Turbate.

Middle name Turbate. Turbate. Thomas. Thomas Turbate Alsop. So, well, Dominic Collins, he could also go, not have to change anything and just go, call himself Nick with two C's with the apostrophe. Just take the C off Collins.

Nick with two C's. N-I-C take the C off Collins. Nick with two C's. N-I-C apostrophe C. Ah, that's pretty good. Thick Nick. Yeah. Fuck, a lot of options for you to chew over, Dominic. Or should we say Nick? Or should we say Dom?

Probably goes by Dom, I reckon. Dom. Sounds like a Dom. Thanks, Dom. Thanks, Dom. Thank you to... Sub Collins. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

Now, I'm not sure if I'm in favour of this. Someone's added something to their name and I feel like I need to do the... I don't know what the due diligence is to leave it in there or just take it off there because it's obviously not right. But anyway, look, you tell me. You be the judge. You've got the records in front of you. I think you do have a due diligence to report on the facts you do this and then maybe we can make a

rule from then now on okay interesting thank you to patreon subscriber lord lowen josephs fuck off right okay fuck right off right so there's now good i know from now on not to not to do that anymore yeah just to ignore, to put that in the brackets. Yeah. Unless you can prove your peerage. Yeah. We're not reading out any royal prefixes anymore. Yeah.

No, I'm not into it. Right. People that go by that sort of stuff on social media as well, off it. Yep. Absolutely off it. And also, his name's low on to start with. L-O-W-A-N. What the fuck's going on there? Can I go back very quickly to the previous name?

Yes. Because I just thought of something. So this guy's name's Dom. Oh, you mean Lady Dominic Collins? Subscribes to us on Patreon. So it's interesting that Dom is a sub. Oh, very nice. Thank you. And now back on to the horrific road accident that is Lord Lohan Josephs.

Lohan. Lord Lohan Josephs. L-O-W-A-N. Have you ever heard of such a thing? What L-O-W-A-N? Yeah. Lohan. I've never even heard of that.

I actually don't mind that. Okay. I'm more... Well, in comparison to whacking a Lord at the front of you. Of course you like it Anything's better than that I mean Yeah we could

This could just be Someone with fucked parents Who've called their kid lord Oh yeah As a first name In which case I'm back into it then If so

Well I'm I Then this person deserves To be let off the hook Right We've gone too hard on them Okay

And what we need Is a direct line to the parents so we can tell them to go fuck themselves. That's no good. I'm not into that in the slightest. You don't like Lorde from New Zealand? I'm actually not a fan of Lorde, I have to say. Good on her.

Yeah, good on her. I think she writes technically good songs, but it's just not my cup of tea. Right. I find it a bit boring. Okay. I'm torn. I don't know whether I like Lorde as a first name or not. No.

What do you think of the musician? Are you a fan? Oh, absolutely no opinion. Right. Okay. I have listened to that one song, and I'm sure that works fine, everything. There's no need for me to get involved. I mean, I guess in fairness, we do have to have an official party line of the podcast

that we're anti-her because of the time that we played in Canberra on the same night as her. And it severely affected our audience numbers. But look, that's all, you know, look, here's a... You're talking to... You're talking... We're listening to Talking Dumb Dumb, I should say. That's what you're doing. We're recording it.

We're talking Talking Dumb Dumb. You're listening to it. Yep. Look, I'll let you in on a little backstage secret. Sometimes we generate a bit of theatre to make things more interesting. I actually don't have anything

against Lorde at all for that thing. The Run Melbourne issue, however. Oh, God. I don't know if we talked about that in this episode yet. Now, that is the real deal. Lorde does just a bit of theatre. No emotion put into that at all. I'm the other way around.

No thought whatsoever on the Run Melbourne thing. Really anti-Lorde. Right. Right. Well, that's what makes his partnership work so well. You know, you don't want two people on there

that are exactly the same. Yeah. The original odd couple. Yeah. I want Lorde to come on this show and defend herself. Great. I want her to justify

why she took a gig in Canberra all those years ago. I want her to do Run Melbourne and race me. Oh, right. Right. I want her to remix our theme. All right.

Thanks, Lord Lolan Josephs. Thank you, too. Now, look. Wow. All right. This is slightly interesting. You know, like, over the history of our show, we've, well, you know, look, we've gone to Coastal Moor.

We know some of our listeners now. We're aware of, you know, some of these names pop up and we go, oh, we know that person through live shows, through even the socials, all that sort of stuff. Repeat offenders on the socials, yep. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So if I was to say to you a certain name, you would be like, oh, yeah, that guy, he came up and tried to bum me at a live show once,

or this guy. That doesn't narrow it down. No, no, no. It could be one of 20. Nice. Clear up the calendar a bit. I ought to fix the Indian problem this morning. It's nature's plunger.

It's like you're in the closet. Someone walks in on you getting bummed and you go, it's not what it looks like. I have diarrhea. I ordered three meals last night at an Indian place in Copenhagen. Yeah. So what I mean to say is there's the names that pop up. We know who they are.

We know them off bits and pieces, all that sort of stuff. Right. This next name, interesting to me. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Luke Arthur. Now, do you know who Luke Arthur is? Maybe I do, but you're going gonna have to refresh me yep luke arthur is a listener who okay yeah no further questions ring him ring any bells uh luke arthur is a listener who this uh like but a month or two ago uh ran for federal government for the Greens Party.

Oh, right. And this, so we, during, on election day or night or something, the Greens posted something on our page or posted about us? Now, I thought that's connected to him and I haven't asked him but he uh yeah we did get a thing on election night of uh someone's the greens the official greens facebook page commenting on one of our things right uh we're we're we're aware of you yeah yeah yeah right yeah was it a post it was a post about the elect just going like don't be a dumb cunt in the election wasn't it i don't think it was even that much it was about it was an election based post i'm not sure if it was really yeah because i think we did some of that in a private

group but we didn't do it publicly yeah okay i think i think they literally put it on like an episode uh uh ad oh right yeah okay i think and they put just put a thing where we're thanks and we're aware of you or something right because i think i Because I think I'd put a few videos up of me voting or in a private group or something like that. Something like that. Yeah. And also, anyway, so Luke did ask me, and that was a very busy,

I think that was us in London in the run-up to the election. I think I got back just in time to vote in Melbourne, whereas you were still overseas, I believe. Yeah, it was like the... I think the election would have been like a week after you got back because I was in Rome by then. Maybe even a bit longer. I was just back.

Yeah. And I think I was putting up stuff. I went to vote and there was quite a few Greens people at my voting booth and I was putting comments about it and whatever. Just saying good for them and whatever. Anyway, but in the weeks leading up, Luke did, I hope this is okay for him to be saying, but he hit me up to say if I'd like to write anything for him. Oh, wow.

Yeah. But I was overseas and I was like, I'll do my best, man, but I really don't have any time. I'd love to do this. I'd love to just, just you know it was just him ripping into some real dumb cunts right when he when he had to you know he was basically saying the greens were getting ripped by certain parties um he'd just like to give give a little bit back i was like i would crack some knuckles i would absolutely love to thank you do you now do you

like him because you agree with the policies that he's representing or do you just like him because he's chosen to run both i've chosen to run oh yeah great i like it yeah i get it right he ran in melbourne yes yes carl yes it was a lot man your comedy's got so many layers it just took me a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, man. I'd like to think it's equal part me being dumb cunt, you being the Kitson of our generation.

Man, have you seen any Kitson? Love Kitson. Yeah. Love Kitson. I don't know if that's such a thing these days. People don't really know him as much. But yeah, that's cool. That's really exciting.

Yeah. And I really regret. I did say to him I would help and I didn't help in the end because I just literally had no time. Yeah. So apologies, Luke. Thank you for your support of this party, the Dumbcum Party. And I wish I had helped a little bit more. I did do my bit on voting day, if that helps at all.

Yeah. But it didn't, well, it didn't help that much because the seat I voted in, they didn't win. So. Right. I tried. I wonder what'll, it'll be interesting to see the split where the running stuff in this app has annoyed people versus, I'm sure there's a few people now hearing us talk about supporting the Greens that are just fucking fuming. Oh, absolutely.

Oh, look. We found that out. Who cares? We found that out in the people aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club group. Watching an election with the result like this last one in Australia whilst being whilst being in a different time zone which means that it's lunchtime over there is a fucking bizarre experience me on social media in an empty restaurant eating rigatoni by myself watching the world just go up in flames on twitter was like fucking a gnarly experience yeah yeah look i've always shied away from you know you don't want to talk too much politics

and all that sort of stuff because right i mean it's a bit boring and you know it splits people and whatever but especially that day i was like well fuck this yeah this is fucked yeah people are fucked i feel the same way i used to feel like yeah you've got to remain impartial but then you get a bit deeper in and it's like, no, fuck that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, look, it's just extremely annoying. I mean, yeah, look, I'm no fucking expert, but God, fuck, it's common sense, isn't it? Jesus Christ.

Can you say that again, the first bit of that? I might just isolate that and play it to myself on the cold winter's nights look I'm no expert in politics but there's plenty of others no no don't go into it I don't need to hear anymore

I've got everything I need yeah look social cues in terms of running and you know events things like that I'm the expert

I know everything about yeah yeah yeah I'm checked out I don't need to hear anymore I don't need to hear anymore but I put my hand up about politics yeah I'm gonna out. I don't need to hear anymore. I don't need to hear anymore. But I put my hand up about politics. Yeah, I'm going to mute your mic.

Thanks, Luke. Thanks, Luke. Let's hang out. I'd love to go in and, you know, meet those guys. Oh, man. Look, Luke. Hit us up. Let's do something.

Are you the one that put that? Were you in control of the socials that night? Whoever's doing the socials, let us know. Someone who's run and they're on the socials. I doubt it. I don't know. I don't know. I'd like to know.

Let us know the answer. Was it you, Luke? Who's deep in? Who's running the green social media who's aware of us? Right. Strange. Yeah. Get us in.

All right. One, two, three, four, five. Fifth one. One more. Let's do this and get out. I'm salivating. Yeah. Nice, quick and easy one.

I've hit the big red button. All right. This is an easy one. We'll be able to do this quickly and get out of here. Right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Run Comedy. Run Comedy. Run Comedy.

Right. I believe that's, from the look of it, it's not a person, it's an organisation. It's like a big, you know, fun run that we could all enter into. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's honestly a really good idea. Yeah, right. What do you think?

If we put on in Melbourne the Little Dum Dum Club run comedy, that would be great. For sure. I'd love it. Where could we do it, though? We would get a pretty big turnout, don't you think? Yeah. I did one once that's out in the Yarra Valley, and it was just like, you're just running along the road.

Yeah. Yeah. And look, I'm sure there was a little bit of council sort of telling someone that this is what's going on, but there wasn't a lot of officials and shit like that i assume you've got to clear it in some if you're going to clog up roads or whatever but if we did a thing where it was like yeah people raise money for something or however we do it that would be pretty sick run comedy yeah oh you know you get an oval even if you get an oval yeah and you go and you just get someone a timekeeper to just go all right this is how many laps someone's done right Right. That sort of thing.

I think that would be a lot easier than our people clogging up a fucking major artillery. We try and see if we can close down the Westgate to go run over that. Imagine that. I reckon, honestly, because the funny thing is people, when we talk about things like where we, for example, the most recent one that comes to mind is us being surprised by the fact that London

shows sold out so quickly. I think people are often get shitty with us when we play down, you know, the level of like clout or whatever you want to call it that we have. And so, okay, in flip side to that, I reckon we would have enough backing us, at least in Melbourne, to be able to get a run westgate going potentially shut down a bridge early morning one weekend if it was for like a good cause or whatever and we thought we were going to get the numbers for it to be a good positive event i think that's something that's attainable i i'm i'd be happy to go along with that. I reckon realistically not,

just because it's a major way into Melbourne from most of Victoria. Yeah. And also, it's also a bridge that one time fell down. Like, it westgated itself in the 70s. Well, maybe then, yeah. I'd love it. I'm in love with the idea. I would love to go across it.

If anyone listening knows how you start the process of going about looking into something like that. Absolutely. The alternative, if that wouldn't work, what we could do is we get whatever the distance of the Westgate is and we just do that somewhere else. So it's like that exact number of not as good, absolutely not as good. Yeah.

Well, let's think about it. I mean, if only we knew someone involved in a major fundraising fun run that would participate in doing some legwork for us. But unfortunately... If only we knew someone who'd worked on the West Gate Bridge. Oh, yeah, we do. Dr. Carl. Yeah.

Dr. Carl Kay. Yep. All right. That's exciting. Have I said on the pod that I'm going to go do the City to Surf in Sydney? No. So that's going to be fun. Looking forward to that.

Nice. That can be me getting in training for the Run Westgate, the little dum-dum club Run Westgate. Good for you. I mean, try not to do spoilers for next episode because this episode was obviously recorded before we did the fun run. Next episode, we deal with the aftermath of what happened. It was very fun, and thank you to everyone who did it and all that sort of stuff. But I was impressed with your form.

Thank you. Yeah. Did very well. Thank you. Yeah. I thought that you would pull out, and you didn't. And not only did you not pull out, you ran and did well. Well, I've seen what happens when you try and pull out.

I know, but full credit to you for having that common sense and doing it. No, I did want to do it. I do like running, but similar territory to what Deal was getting into. I don't like running in groups i don't like the thing of placing and everything i just would rather do it on my own time but at what but that being said i mean yeah we are getting ahead because i say all this on next week's episode yeah um thanks run yeah thanks for all right that is it for another edition of talking dumb dumb thank you to everyone who subscribes on patreon couple of of quick plugs. We've got Sydney coming up

July the 27th at the Giant Dwarf. That is our next big live show. We've got a big stand-up show as part of that as well. Newcastle, we've just released a few more tickets because we found out the venue is a little bit bigger than we thought. I think they might nearly all be gone. I'm not quite sure.

But if you missed out to that, have a quick look today because there may be a couple still left. Let me look right now. As you continue to fill time, Tommy, I'm not quite sure but if you missed out to that have a quick look today because there may be a couple still left let me look right now as you continue to fill time Tommy I'm going to check the availability of tickets for Newcastle

we're also very close to announcing a Perth date that's coming down the pipe pretty quickly I think that's basically locked in or close to being locked in

I think it will be locked in once we get away from here and I have time to be doing more stuff than what we're doing. But, yeah, very close to an hour to an hour. Newcastle, as of recording, time of recording is a dozen tickets, so get onto that because then there's no more. So get onto that.

Yeah, so that's going to be a great weekend in New South Wales and then, yeah, keep your eye on the socials and everything for Perth and also a little something else attached to that trip. Plus, more importantly, guys, there is new merch. We are in Coast of Million. We printed up a new singlet for the Coast of Million International Podcast Festival 2017-19, since it's the last one. Tommy Dasso did the magnificent design on it.

We got them printed up. We sold them to people that were it's the last one. Tommy Dasso did a magnificent design on it. We got them printed up. We sold them to people that were here at the festival. Now, we do have some remainders online, limited edition. So, guys, if you went in the past or if you just want to have a cool T-shirt or if you're one of those completists that every time we put something new, you immediately gobble it up. Yep. Get into it.

Safe to say this is it. There won't be reprints of this one. No, absolutely not. This is ultra limited edition. Absolutely not. So it's a white singlet with a nice little crab design on it. With Tommy, it looks...

Come up a treat. When we die from the Westgate Bridge collapsing underneath us as we're running over it, this will be a hot collector's item. Exactly. Jean-Paul Basquiat or whatever the fuck his name is. Is that his name?

I don't know. John Michael. Also, we've got new hats. Yep. Of which I'm wearing right now. I'm looking at one right now. A wear hat. It's a black trucker hat with a wear written on it.

All this stuff is at our website in the merch department. So please, they're all selling very well yep so get on to it uh we'll have all that stuff at the live shows we're going to so sydney newcastle uh perth where we're trying to lock in and another one a bunch of little ideas floating around so we will have stuff at live shows but look the singlet will definitely um yeah you'll need to get it asap yep uh all right guys thanks for listening and we'll see you next time see you mates