The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 456 - Cameron James & Ben Russell

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

We've returned from Thailand and we're straight back into The Masturbatorium with CAMERON JAMES and BEN RUSSELL! We spend ages hearing about Chando's trip back from Koh Phangan, as we deviate to discuss comedians accidentally going live on Facebook, audience members falling asleep at gigs, and not talking to Uber Drivers. Plus we pitch some more ideas for the Phunny Phellas and in Talking Dum Dum, we hear about two fights that Karl's been in this week.  SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm.NEWCASTLE! It's our first time doing a podcast in your city. July 28, 5pm.PERTH! We're coming back with our yearly massive show. October 13, 4pm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Cameron James and Ben Russell. First of all, a couple of things we need to let you know about. We have just announced a date in Perth. It's a big live show from us. Stand-up and podcast, October the 13th at the Comedy Lounge. Tickets from the website littledumbdumbclub.com. We also have Sydney on July the 27th. Once again, huge show with stand-up and podcasting and great special guests. And then the next day, what do we do?

We go to Newcastle. We do our first ever live podcast in Newcastle. And if you listened to Talking Dumb Dumb last week, you'll know that I have entered in Run Melbourne to raise funds for Shake It Up Australia. I then was informed by you that that's the day we're in Newcastle. So I'm now doing Run Melbourne in Newcastle. People who listen have been trying to pick a – Speaking of debilitating illnesses. The next one I do will be for whatever severe brain injury I got to make this happen.

I'm going to do a side run for Dementia Australia to raise money for you. Perfect. You should do a side one as well. What do you mean? Oh, you already said that. I need to do one for myself at the same time. Just running around in a circle to raise money for myself. So I'm doing that.

I'm doing Run Melbourne in Newcastle. People that are aware of the show are trying to find a 10K sort of course for me to do that because I'm going to run directly into the show and then we start the show, Run Australia on stage, so that'll be a heap of fun. That link, if you want to chip in, I've set like a three and a half grand budget. Me and you, Tommy, we've both chipped into it already. If you want to chip in, however small,

a lot of people have chipped in $6.90, $69, et cetera. Who's going to be the first champion to put in $6,900? Oh, wow. Anyway, there is a link on the front page of the website on littledumbdumbclub.com, so get onto that. Yep. And enjoy this great episode, Cam James and first-time guest, Ben Russell. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. How you feeling? We're back in the studio after a hot trot of about 15 live eps in a row. Yeah, man. Glad to have these two in the mix. Let's get them in and then let's talk.

All right. We've got two guests today. Please welcome into the show Cam James and Ben Russell Yes Yes, my brothers Finally, finally First appearance of Ben Russell as Ben Russell Yeah, this is nice

It's nice not to come in Rather than fucking Bin Dust or whoever Playing on live shows I'm Bin Dust We've met a few of your kooky friends over the years That you've introduced us to. Yeah, that's right. How does it feel

to finally be yourself Ben? Are you going to open up? Fuck, it feels good. I feel like Jim Carrey. Are you going to be like Sacha Baron

Cohen and not really know who to be now that you're not being a character? Yeah, I'm like Peter Sellers. Oh yeah. What's that famous

story about Peter Sellers? He didn't know his own voice in the end. That is one of the most famous stories. I said, yo, Pete, you want to be in the Pink Panther? He said, yeah.

He said, I'll do it, governor. I don't know how he spoke. Yeah, like that. Why not? Yeah, fuck yeah. So who's the real Ben Russell? It's your life. I just live it.

Well, Tommy, we're back in the studio. We're back from Thailand. Yep. First one back from Koh Samui. You're wearing your little headphones there that you like to keep track of how we're sounding, how the phonics are, checking up. No, no, no, there's no uh-oh.

Where's this leading? I'm not forcing you on going on for a jog or anything like that. Don't worry, it's all good. I got some new headphones. I lost my headphones over there, but I bought some new headphones in case you headphones over there But I bought some new headphones In case you want to use these over here And they are

I was going to offer them to you But I bought these at a Thailand shop And they promised me they were the real deal The real official Apple They're Apple, yeah Apple headphones Not AirPods But they've got the new connector

For the new The current model headphone jack thing Yes, yes, yes Not the aux cord And I know they're good because the man next to the 7-Eleven gave me a warranty for it. Okay, the Apple store next to the 7-Eleven.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he gave me the warranty for it that goes for seven days. So we're just out of it. So I'm not sure whether I can trust you with it or not. Right. A seven-day warranty for headphones. How the fuck do you go next door and get milk that's got a longer warranty than the headphones?

Right. Did you... But they're still fine? It's not a thing where I stopped working on day eight? I walked out of there and they were not working properly immediately. Well, that's within seven days. So why didn't you go back? You should have walked right back in, right?

Because I was leaving. I was leaving and I was like, get on the boat. That's how they get you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how they get you. These are fucked. And he's already taken the piss by going, yeah, yeah. That's how they get you. These are fucked. And he's already taken the piss by going, here's a seven-day warranty, where you go, I know these are going to be shithouse.

And he's still got me. But you've played your hand. You're walking in. You're like, my man, I'm leaving the country in literally half an hour. Do you have anything you can sell me? Yeah, I led with that. I led with that. Do you have any legit Apple products?

I was like, you guys need to see a passport when you sell headphones, don't you? Yeah. Were they duty free? Fuck. No, you know need to see a passport when you sell headphones, don't you? Yeah. Were they duty free? Fuck. No, you know what? I did get ripped on them. I was like, I'll get them. 30 bucks.

To buy headphones in Thailand for 30 bucks. That is crazy. That's too much. I was like, well, you know what? Where else am I going to buy them? And then I walked next door to the 7-Eleven and they were there for $5. So, like, the same deal. The same thing. he saw you coming how is it possible you've gone to thailand

i don't know 12 times in the last six months and you're still getting ripped off i know not even street vendors this guy had a shop yeah yeah yeah but it was like classic street vendor where he had a shop but he didn't feel comfortable being in it so he was still out on the street going do you want to buy headphones and it's's like, why are you in your shop? It's air-conditioned. Because he doesn't work there, man. Actually, I put this in one of the Facebook groups, but this was the other thing that I bought at that exact same time

is I didn't have any socks, and I was like, all right, I've got to get on the plane, right? What the fuck is going on here? What the fuck? I didn't have any socks. There's two things that I think we'd like to digest here. Number one, I didn't have any socks. Right.

And I was going to get on a plane. You think they're checking your feet as you step on there. Well, what is this, you cretin? This is a real thing. Because I fly through certainly a line that I have a certain connection through. You've got to... Malaysian. No.

You can't rock up. Sometimes you can't rock up when you're on standby through the deal and you can't have shorts and stuff on. It's like, if you're flying as part of the deal... They run their airline

like you run your comedy gigs. Yes. Seriously. I've only covered shoes. Invoicing. Seriously. As a jug? Seriously, I've... I've only covered shoes. Invoicing. There's a jug.

And just ten minutes before we land, I get the light up the back of the plane. Get off in ten. Alright guys, I'm going to wrap this up. We haven't figured out who's the pilot yet. Ten minutes until departure time, just doing a quick ring around Yeah yeah Hughsy

You wanna come fly the plane I feel like this is a metaphor for something But anyway Bloody hell No thank you Uh oh Uh oh Another one of Ben's kooky little friends

Who's that He's come in He's turned up Bloody hell Hang on Is Hughsy the stewardess here Yeah it's We want some peanuts. No, you do not.

I said, no, thank you. All right, thanks, Fleety. Hey, Fleety's really funny now. I'm not on it. I don't know what you're talking about. Give me your jewels. Give me your jewels. Give me your jewels. What can we do?

Give me a jewel. Give me your jewels. You don't hear enough about just one singular jewel anymore, do you? There's always multiple jewels. So this character is Greg Husey. The stewardess. Yeah, the stewardess. The stewardess thief. Greg Hughesy, stewardess thief.

Have a peanut, but I want your jewel. Yeah, bloody hell. Go on. Before I start working, can you just pay me now? Before I fly this plane. People that are downstairs, they're going to hurt me. I said, no thank you. He needs to get his jewel in advance.

So, Husey, is it okay if I can pay you half the jewel before the gig and half the jewel after the gig and by gig I mean flight? The kind of Husey element has kind of drifted out of this. I feel bad dragging Husey into this.

Going through withdrawals, give me the shit. Narrowen, got on it. Thank you. Should we tell the Narrowen story? Has that not been talked about? I reckon we, do you think we can? I'm not sure if we...

Can we tell it or not? You know what, let's Has that not been talked about? No, I reckon we... Do you think we can? I'm not sure if we... Oh, no. Can we tell them or not? You know what? Let's tell it. Let's tell it and then let's talk to Fleety about it if he's ever on the show again. Sure. It's funny.

It's funny. It's just a thing that was publicly online. That's true. You're right, it is. But the thing is, we all know the story, so it's not that funny for us to tell it and then the other three go, yes. That is what happened.

That is true. We've had a lot of time to work this out. I'll enjoy being part of a retelling. Don't worry about that. I'll have a good time. It's a good story. Let's remember that at home people are laughing at this because this is a funny story.

This is great. This is a funny story. So cast your mind back to what? Five months ago? Yeah, maybe five months ago. Yeah, that's true. mind back to what? Five months ago? Yeah, maybe five months ago. You know, the newly

the clean Greg Fleet is, as far as everything we can read on social media and out of his mouth and all of that sort of thing. I've changed my mind. Let's not tell it. I can see. I think we can tell it. I think you shouldn't tell it.

It's going to be a bit much editorialising going on. I can't be trusted with this story. He started by essentially saying he's a liar. Clean Greg Flea air quotes. People at home can't hear air quotes. You can't report on

an election and tell people who to vote for in the story. I can't be the news limited version of this story. I've got to be like to vote for in the story. I can't be the News Limited version of this story. I've got to be like the BBC version of this story. I'll do my best to be the BBC on this. I'll be Reuters on this story. Impartial, please.

AAP it up right now. So he... Greg Fleet, clean, as we all know. And believe. That's all fact. That's how you would report it, wouldn't you? Yep. As a journalist? Yep.

So he then... No, I'm a good person to tell this story because I saw this. He accidentally sat on his phone and went live on Facebook. Yes. Which is like if it was someone doing it in a bit, you would go, all right, this is a lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It never happens.

Just sit on your phone and accidentally broadcast live. Yeah. Let alone what he broadcasts. Yeah. How could you possibly do that? So then it was, I was watching it and going, what's going on here? Like, because I watched it just after it had been recorded. So it had been recorded and kept back up.

And I'm like, well, someone's keeping this back up. Bubble gum. Love heart react. But for it to be stored, you're like, well, this has got to be something. This has got to be something. So I'm watching it, and it's like a 10, 15-minute video or whatever, and it's just Fleety being pretty incoherent in a very dark, dilapidated room and going, what's going on here?

And there's just music playing and just him mumbling and then he just stops talking and it's like, oh, this is boring. There's nothing. I scanned to the end. I didn't hear all of it. I was like,

I was thinking this would be good. This could go into some groups and stuff on Facebook. What a detective. Boring. I staked him out for about 15 minutes. Snooze fest.

He was just cleaning knives. There was nothing interesting going on. Who wants to watch 15 minutes of Greg Fleet's ass, though? Honestly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm listening. I'm skipping through. There's nothing I could pick up.

All right, I'm out. And then the next day, he puts up a thing that he's then recorded to camera that says, he goes, look, some people may have seen that video that accidentally got recorded yesterday. Just guys, I want you to know that was all just a joke. We were just pretending to record an ad for a product called Neroin. Yeah, it was like a sketch. A sketch.

It's a sketch fake ad where we were using a product called Neroin. So that's why you probably heard me say something that sounded like heroin. A couple of times. We were doing one of those classic sketches where you say, pass over the Neroin so I can inject it into my vein. And then I fall asleep for 10 minutes. Right. My character in the sketch was on the nod,

which is why I looked that way in the video. Which is funny. Because they were very concerned that something was going on. It's a long-form sketch in which I sleep for 15 minutes. Shooting it in real time. Yeah, literally. Well, it's like that fucking Gravity, you know. It's one shot.

One shot. What is it, Birdman? Yeah, same. Same director. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a real meth head actor. Very much like Birdman, like Charlie Bird. I think he was on the same stuff.

So, Nero. I think they were both on Nero. So, yeah, he said it's for a sketch. It's a sketch that you'll be seeing very soon. Yeah, yeah. It's part of the thing that we'll be seeing very soon. And then I think a friend of the show, Nick Cody, commented, cool, when's this sketch coming out?

And then Cody goes, oh, it's actually part of this bigger thing. And Cody goes, cool, when's that bigger thing coming out? So at the date of recording, what is it, the 29th of June 2019, this sketch is yet to materialise. Keeping an eye out for narrowing. Keep an eye out for narrowing. Sounds like a real gut buster. It's the Chinese democracy of comedy sketches. It's going to materialise. Keeping an eye out for Narrowan. Keep an eye out for Narrowan. Sounds like a real gut buster. It's the Chinese

democracy of comedy sketches so it's going to be good. So you've told us what he's saying in this apology video that he put up.

Now describe to us the setting that he's filmed the video in. Well look again, I can't wait to see the sketch because a lot of the

budget's gone into transforming a normal house into looking exactly like a meth lab. It looks incredible. I don't know how they found something that would look like

that in Adelaide but somehow they did it. Somehow they did it. So it's him in a backyard of just the worst looking house in the world. You know,

about four bits of cars strewn around the background. It's a piece of shit old weatherboard house. He's gone full method, like literally full method for this sketch. That video was a favourite of ours for a couple of days. And then he got rid of it. But at that point...

Too much hype. I think people were getting too... Too many people were asking when's it coming out and he was probably getting harassed a lot. And it really built the hype for me. By fans, by the police, by a lot of people. Well, I think Facebook asked him to take it down because it was crashing their servers

because all of us were watching it. It's viral marketing for the narrowing ad. Literally viral marketing. Literally, if the first bit isn't a great sketch, the second bit is a great sketch. Where it's like a sketch, and I presume this is how he's written that sketch, is imagine if you did such a bad job

of accidentally uploading a video of you doing heroin that you were three years old and thought calling something narrow one, you were going to get away with it? I love the brainstorming session. Okay, guys, I've got to make this shit up. What can I have been on? And he's Okay, guys, I've got to make this shit up. What can I have been on?

And he's like, oh, narrowing. Take the rest of the day off, boys. Took the day off after I wrote that. I'm actually a lot of narrowing. But maybe this is kind of a new sort of form of media that he's trialling it. You know, the sketch is like we're in the sketch right now. I've seen the videos and discussing it. This is it. This is the new Blair Witch Project. This is

Black Mirror. What if Greg Fleet is real life? What if? The ultimate hypothetical. What if Greg Fleet was on heroin? Oh man, truly great. Good to have that one out in the world. Hypothetically, what if Greg Fleet was on heroin? Oh, man. Truly great.

Good to have that one out in the world. Great. Can't wait to talk to him about it in the press junket when it does get closer. Right, right. I mean, we've got absolutely suckered into this. They're talking about it for 10 minutes. We've given him free publicity for this great sketch, great bigger thing. It's going to be a big thing, guys.

Keep an eye out. Narrowing. It's going to be a big thing, guys. Keep an eye out. Narrowing is going to drop pretty soon. We don't have a release date for it yet. In many ways, we've all been financing this sketch. We've all kicked in. Before Kickstarter was Kickstarter, we were kickstarting Narrowing. We're silent partners in Narrowing.

We've been promised roles in his old series, Die on Your Feet, years and years and years and years ago. I think he said that on this show. Maybe the episode four or something when he was on. He said he'd written parts for you guys? He said season two, we're going to be in it. Me and Carl are going to be in it. So can we transfer that?

Oh, into the Narrowan sketch. Into the Narrowan sketch. Excuse me, guys. Maybe that's the bigger thing. Dying on Your Feet Season 2. Oh. Narrowing is part of it. Maybe narrowing's the ad on a TV when they're watching in Dying on Your Feet.

That'd be so good, man. Also, Narrowing is a minority report. Fabulous movie by Steven Spielberg. Narrowing's in that. Really? Yeah. Narrowing is what Tom Cruise's character is addicted to. Really?

What? Is somebody that lazy? Are you serious? That got through to Steven Spielberg. If it's good enough for Spielberg, it's good enough for fucking for sure. Did Steven Spielberg accidentally get caught shooting up?

No, no, no, guys, it's part of a Tom Cruise movie. It's a new Tom Cruise movie I've come up with. It's the future and he's addicted to heroin. He actually had the finances to follow through with the UK. Or when Steven Spielberg gets caught filming himself

danging up. Spielberg went live on Facebook accidentally and had to follow through with the whole Tom Cruise video. That's about people that can see murders in the future. Hypothetical murders. That's incredible. That's a little catch that really ripens it up.

Is that a dystopian future? No, it's a meth lab in Adelaide. Yesterday, not in the future. So that's what I'm thinking. I think what we're seeing is... How has it taken you this long to bring that up? I was waiting. That's wild.

Yeah, I was waiting. So I think it's going to be Minority Report 2. Oh my God. Starring Fleety. I'm not on it. So Fleety's idea for a sketch is a thing that already exists anyway. So it's not even. Yes.

It's not even an original idea. No. Who would have thought? God. Well, we all look forward to seeing it. Yeah. I can't wait. Maybe that's why it's been held back.

Maybe it's like the... What's that animated video game movie that had to get held back? Here we go. What do you got? The character with the teeth where they had to retool. Sonic the Hedgehog. They had to retool that because he had teeth and it looked frightening. Maybe Flea's got to retool Nero.

Same thing. Teeth looked frightening. Got to rework the whole design. I got an Uber back from the airport the other day. It's about a 45-minute drive to my house, and my Uber driver talked about the Sonic the Hedgehog movie for the entire drive. It was torture.

Was he answering questions from you, though, the whole time? Did you work on it? I've just got a hunch. Your car's yellow, like Sonic. No, fuck, it's not even yellow. No, he got a hunch. Your car's yellow like Sonic. No, fuck, it's not even yellow. No, he's blue, idiot. It's almost like you know nothing about animated feature films. I was honestly thinking about Pokemon then.

It's reasons for that conversation why it's almost worth going, paying that extra money and doing the uber black because you can check a little button that says conversation. Can you really? Are you serious? Really?

Yeah. Does that actually exist now? Yeah. That is the dream. You can tell them to shush. You can tell them to shut the fuck up. I paid for you to shut the fuck up. Yeah,

pay that extra bit of money. Can you do that and then lure them into a bit of conversation? And then have your finger hovered over one star the whole time. And then go live on Facebook the whole time, take their conversation and then go,

this is going to go full narrow unless you give me five bucks. What do you guys reckon about Minority Report? How much more is Uber Black? Because that's 100% worth the investment for me. I'm not entirely sure. So I wouldn't be able to accurate it.

I think it's only like an extra $10. Damn. For a bit of shush. I mean, that's not bad. $10 for a bit of shush. Can you go with Uber Black but then... Oh, you can still have it unchecked. So you can still have a conversation.

Yeah, you can. Right, you've got your options. Yeah, you've got options. But you'd hope if you're paying that extra amount for Uber Black to get the conversation, when that's just a built-in part of your regular Uber, you would hope that the conversation was at least going to be better. Do you know what I mean?

The pressure is on for the driver to really be bringing out some interesting stories. You'd want him to be whipping out something of the quality of the narrowing sketch. When I did your room with Tom Gleeson a little while ago, I asked him... This was what? Basement. Basement. Comedy club. I asked him if This was what? Basement. Basement. Comedy club. I asked him if he gets...

This is where we're going to straight after this. Where we're going straight after this. I asked him if he always has Uber drivers talking to him and like trying to suck up to him or whatever. And he was like, yeah. And I went, do you talk back to them? And he went, no, I just don't answer. And I just let them live in the awkwardness.

Wow. I'm so not surprised. Vote for him for the gold logie, everybody. I'm envious. What a world to live in where you're like fine with just basking

in that awkwardness of someone talking at you and you just being completely soft. I'm far too eager to please. I had a guy the other day just hand me his phone which was plugged

into his aux cord and he made me put on this CD or this fucking Spotify playlist for him. Of yours? No, just of his own shit. He's like, oh, there's this song.

Can you go? And he's handing me his phone. He's like, can you scroll through my playlist? I've got this fucking sick playlist. Were you in the front seat or the back seat? Front seat, like a morgue. Thanks for not doing the voice. The voice was implied.

I did do the eyes though. While you were doing that, did you get on his Facebook and put, I am gay as a status? Oh man, you know what? I'm sure I've brought this up on the show before, but we had this running joke in high school where anyone that smoked a lot of weed, we'd always describe them as, I see a bit, nah man, nah man. We'd always call them as I see a bit nah man nah man we'd always call people

nah man today my Uber his name was Nerman so I just screenshotted that and sent that to everyone I went to school with

I was cool Nerman Nerman how funny is this foreign cunt yeah they have weird names they got weird names

where is it they got weird names I'm angry. QZ's angry about it. Yeah, bloody hell, I've got weird names. So, based on Comedy Club, you brought that up. Yes. Free plug.

The other week, this is what happened. Someone came in, and often a lot of people that listen to the show come in and sort of go, oh, I'm aware, or love the show, or that sort of thing. This guy comes in and goes, and I'm wearing a Liverpool hat at the moment. I wasn't wearing it at the time. And he comes in and goes, yeah, yeah, Manchester City won the championship. Just out of nowhere to me. And I was like, that's cool.

And he's like, yeah, yeah, Liverpool fucking didn't. Yeah, yeah, that's shit. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, Liverpool fucking didn't. Yeah, yeah, that's shit. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like thinking, hang on, where the fuck? And then I'm like, I don't have a Liverpool hat on. You must listen to the show. We've talked a lot about that recently about Liverpool. I barricaded for them and they were going for the championship.

They didn't win it. Whatever. He's just gone, I'm going to lead with this. This is a cool opening salvo. And I'm like, yeah, cool, man. Fucking good one. He's like, yeah, haha, suck shit. Yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, you must listen to the show. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, man. Fucking good one. He's like, yeah, haha, suck shit. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, oh, you must listen to the show. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's an afterthought. I'm like, yeah, cool, nice one. Anyway. I'm scared about what's going to happen. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

He then, but this, I just think this is a nice picture of what sometimes we put up with people who listen to this show. Yep. So he does that and I go, great, good one. And then he just walks past me and goes, yeah, why sit in the fucking front row?

And I'm like, oh. Why are you talking to me, dude? Good, good. Some things you can just think. Yeah. You don't have to say them. Yeah.

And then he sits in the front row and then he's sitting with other people and he's just smashing the fucking beers before the show starts. Awesome. And he's already smashed. He's already very smashed. Then he's just smashing the fucking beers before the show starts and he's already smashed he's already very smashed then

he's sitting he's sitting there and the MC goes on and the MC must be on for five minutes six minutes and he's sitting there and he's actively just like

shaking in his seat like trying to figure out and it's like oh you need to go to the toilet but you don't know how to do it so he's just shaking and then he just literally jumps in the air

jumps on stage and goes I need to go! And then just runs. But the thing is, the thing is, he doesn't know where the toilet is. So then he just runs backstage. Like, he runs backstage and he's pushing people out of the way to get backstage.

And he's getting backstage, and it's like, cunt, don't fucking piss in here! Because he's absolutely blind, so he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. And from where he was sitting, the toilet is right there. It's so visible. So then it's like this weird pinball thing where there's people, including me,

trying to bounce him off ourselves to bounce him off towards the toilet. So then he bounced off someone in the backstage bit and then he runs out and then just goes to piss somewhere in the corner. Oh, my God. What? Yeah, where there's a closet. And I'm there and I'm like, fucking no.

And so four different people heard him like a sheepdog into the toilet. For anyone who hasn't been to Basement, you are painting a very bizarre picture of the layout of this room. It's just a closet in the middle of this comedy. No, no, but it's like backstage and then out of backstage and then in his closet

and then you feel your way around and the toilets aren't that lit up so then he does and then he was going in the girls' toilets. He needed to be shepherded out of that. It's so close.

Yeah, yeah, so close. Just let him have the girls. Warmer, warmer. Yeah, that'll do. That'll do. Go, go, go. Yeah, yeah. So then he does that

and it's like, man, that's just bizarre. So the whole crowd had seen all of that happen. So the MC is like commenting on this as a tactic. Yeah, yeah. Because it's so distracting. Calling it like a race track.

Yeah, shit. No, actually it was, I think Pete Hellyer was on at that stage. So it was like really, he needed to be on early. Hellyer has to put up with that. And I'm like, fucking hell. So then he does that. He goes back into the front row. And then I had left by that stage to go to Thailand.

So then someone else was running it by that stage. Cool. This story is gloat-shodding. It's like Fast and the Furious. No, but I'm just saying. It's all about family. I won't have the intricate pinball detail that I had in the first part of the story in this next part. Right, we're switching over to second-hand information.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's great. Just chaos at your work and you're like, well, ta-ta, fellas. I've got a plane to catch. I'll leave this time bomb here. What could go wrong? I've got a festival to run. I'm fucking out of here.

So then he, because that's him. That's how fucked he is ten minutes in. Midway through the gig, he falls asleep. Great. Then, big noise, big smell, shit himself in the front row. No! I heard about this actually, yeah. He shat himself.

Shit his pants in the front row. And he's aware. Yeah. He is aware. What a great. So even if he hadn't have done that Man City Liverpool job At the start I reckon I probably Could have picked it anyway

Oh I smell shit There's some dum dum fans Yeah Hey I smell shit Thanks for listening mate Yeah Oh I must be a Patreon subscriber

Yeah the $20 peer You can Tia you can shit In the front row At my gig If you pay the $20 a month It's shit in the front row at my gig. You get paid the $20 a month. It's like first class, but like last class in a way. No class.

Do you remember that? Almost that exact thing happened at Spleen a few years ago. Yes. I think I was hosting. I think so, yeah. The exact same thing. Falling asleep and then the shitting the pants. Which blows me away, to fall asleep.

I can understand pissing yourself when you fall asleep, but shitting yourself takes a bit of... There's a few more muscles involved. I mean, even when you're a little kid and you're still wearing a bed. A lot of people have trouble being awake and sitting on the toilet and they can't shit. Some people go, I just can't do it. Someone's doing it in their sleep, it's so easy to them.

Isn't that weird? It is because even when you're a little kid and you're still at the age where you'll piss the bed at night, it's very rare that you'll shit the bed. Do you know what I mean? You get over that long before you get over it. You save it up for comedy nights, man. Who's on tonight? Hell yeah.

I think I'm ready. I've been saving up a BN. I've had nothing but me garang today. I love the idea that it's the same guy. I like the idea. All these years later.

Yeah, yeah. I like the idea that... Finally ready to go back to comedy. Really embarrassed myself when I went to Spleen. Oh no, it happened again.

I like the idea that it's one of these guys that has trouble like having a shit so he's like, oh, well, you know what you gotta do. What, have a coffee? of these guys has trouble like having a shit so he's like, oh, well, you know what

you've got to do. What, have a coffee? Nah, go to sleep. Go to sleep at a live performance. That's the only way

he can do it. He's been banned from all the cinemas. He's gone through all of them in Melbourne. What's left? I guess comedy nights are a good thing

that I can sit in. Banned from the opera. Oh, the fat lady's singing and the drunk cunt's shitting. It's not over until the drunk cunt's shitting. It's not over until the drunk cunt shits.

That reeks of, not that I know a great deal about it, but that reeks of junkie behaviour. It certainly reeks, but yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Might have been on heroin. Yeah, he was. As in the website? Yeah. Like pedestrian. Junkie.com. He's a writer for junkie.com For a listicle website

Top ten ways to shit yourself Number five will shock you Number two shocked us So do you get the update You're not on the plane You're on the way to the airport And someone texts you Yeah you must have been

To not To not You know to only have that bit secondhand is pretty disappointing. Yeah, it's a real shame. It is a real shame that I don't have the first-hand dibs on it. So what did they do? Did they go to a break and then get rid of the seat? Like you said about the story about spleen, and someone shit themselves on spleen, I wasn't there for that either.

Oh, really? So people are only shitting themselves at my gigs when I'm not there. That is unfair. The word goes out, I'm in Thailand, and people just go, oh, time to take a load off. Holding in this fucking turd for six years. I've been constipated. Chandler's been in Australia for six months.

I'm all backed up. Some people can't go when people are watching them. This guy can't go when one specific guy is watching them Comedy Chile is a fucking prison So anyway, I need to wear socks to get on a plane Finally This is like Ross Noble This is going all over the place

We're back, loving this Alright, so you need socks. So yeah, I need to wear jeans. I can't get on a plane with shorts on and like thongs on because sometimes they will go as a representative of an airline. Yeah, you're not allowed to get on looking like that. And you get knocked back. Sometimes you're in an airport and you've packed everything in the big luggage.

And so that means you've got to go and buy a pair of pants in the airport or whatever like that. So I'm thinking... The big luggage. Got the big luggage. Someone who's never travelled. You know when you go on that Skybus thing, it's up in the air?

Where do I put in the big luggage? Yeah. All right, Paddington, tell us about Paddington. Paddington, tell us about Paddington. Paddington, but it's Carl Chad. Go on, go on. Go on, Ben, let's have it. This is calling out for one of your famous impressions. Go on.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I don't know what Paddington sounds like. He's more like this. Hello. Okay, right, right, right. There you go. Look at this cunt.

There you go. That wasn't that hard This cunt's gone And shit himself He turns up at the station And he has the little Sign on him Saying please take care Of this bear

He'll be like Please take care of this bear You stupid cunt And it's Thailand He shows up to Thailand Alright You need socks. You go to buy socks.

I'm thinking ahead. I'm not buying anything at the airport, obviously. I'm not an idiot. Yeah, you don't want to get ripped off. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't want socks with a weak warranty. Oh, yeah. You're kicking back listening to Hotel California in your $30 headphones.

Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to, but yeah. Sounds like an old real player file. I think I'm listening to it. It's actually just coming out of the headphone jacks.

It sounds a little bit tinny and everyone else needs Weird mix on this. Weird mix. Which is the thing that's literally happening with these

headphones. So I go into a clothes shop on the way and go Smart. Yeah. Thank you. They'll have socks. Thank you. Exactly. I'm in the story. I go into a clothes shop on the way and go smart yeah thank you they'll have socks

thank you exactly what I thought I'm in the story I'm invested socks what I thought I go in the clothes shop

and go can I get some socks and they're like what and I'm like you know socks and I'm doing the whole point to the foot and they go yeah they're shoes and I'm like close

no no no underneath like that but soft it's like underwear for foot but it's hard. The problem is you don't have the mods. Exactly.

So you can't point to them. You can't point at the thing because I need the thing. So I've got to point at my phantom socks. So he eventually figures it out. And I get socks. Oh, socks, socks. Okay. No, we don't have socks here.

You need to go to the 7-Eleven. I'm like, fucking hell. The 7-Eleven sounds fucking old, man. 7-Eleven's got everything. It's like the Costco ofEleven. I'm like, fucking hell. The 7-Eleven sounds fucking old, man. 7-Eleven's got everything. It's like the Costco of Thailand. Yeah. So I'm like,

this can't be true. So I go in the 7-Eleven. It's pretty big. This is pretty big. This can't be true. But how does it close walking around barefoot?

All right. Can you believe this? I'm walking in this 7-Eleven. What sort of world is it? And I'm loathe to criticise the country I love, but what sort of world does it happen where you only close up and go, idiot, duh, go next to the slushie. No, idiot.

Convenience store. Between condoms and slushies. That's where you'll find your socks. No, but they don't have Slurpees at 7-Eleven Thailand. They don't either. So that Slurpee machine. Yeah. You've all of a sudden got all this extra room.

What do you put in there? Right. Sockies. Sock aisle. Yeah, yeah. Just pour your own socks. So I go in there and I walk around. I'm like, this guy's played me beautifully.

There's no fucking socks in here. And then I ask her, they go, no, sock aisle is just there. They've got a range of socks in the 7-Eleven. I'm like, fuck. All right. All right. I mean, they're pretty cheap aisle is just there they've got a range of socks in the 711 I'm like fuck alright alright I'm in they're pretty cheap get myself some cheap

socks for home how long did you how much of a decision making process was there of what pair of socks this is one of the best stories

I mean it feels like we're workshopping next year's hour it's just good stuff guys please Chandler love socks Chandler loves socks.

Chandler loves socks. Socks! Exclamation mark. I love it. I said I was gone, but I'm back with socks. Alright. Oh my god. There was a little bit of decision, you're right.

Because you're sitting there going, alright, well, they're all packaged up, you can't feel anything. They're all wrapped up in plastic. So, you know, there's got to be a second-guessing routine happening here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've all been there. What the fuck is this? This is a relatable story. This is meat and potatoes. Everyone can enjoy this.

Narrowan probably turned some people off, but this is something for everyone. Narrowan's like A thing that only Tom Cruise Steven Spielberg Can relate to Once they listen To this podcast

But this thing Everyone buys socks Yeah true Kids listening to this They've probably thought I'd love to show The podcast with my parents But this story

They're like Mum and dad Check this out Jump on in at the 24 minute mark Of this episode We're about to go To the supermarket actually

Maybe we get some Inspiration from this story So you can't feel the socks because they're in plastic. But you can see them. Yeah, you can see them through the plastic. Is it important? What are you looking for when you feel a sock? I like a thick sock.

Yeah? So you're looking for thickness? You're looking for Nerf softness? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking of something. Ben? I'm thinking of something that won't ball up, something that I won't ball up,

something that I won't get sick of. You're really adding to this story. Thank you. I felt like a minute ago you didn't get it, but now I feel like you absolutely get it. You have softness. Fucking arsehole. Softness, thickness. You're a fucking arsehole.

What do you look for in a sock, dude? So, you can't touch it, right? I think exactly what you've just done. Went over everyone else's head. He's trying to sabotage our podcast. I know. Yeah, I know. So, you can't touch them.

You can't touch through the plastic. You can't touch through the cellophane. So, I've got to go off the pictures on the front and through the cell that they've got on the front. So, I see this one that takes my eye. I'm like, this is it for me. If I'm going gonna buy some some socks some good socks to wear an airport look good on the plane get through fancy socks yeah yeah look to look professional with like little dollar signs printed on them yeah well not quite like that'd be a bit over the top i think that's like

ball that's on the nose yeah yeah that's the sort of sock that rick ross would wear yeah yeah yeah a real pimp yeah Yeah. None of that. I don't want to look like a pimp. I want to look like someone that deserves to get on this plane. Yeah. So. Pimps don't deserve to fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. Private jet. This is, you know, commercial. So, I see this one that says, it's got a bunch of businessmen on the front. You got me. Wow. But not only that, I think, well, you've got businessman socks or business socks. Not that.

Executive socks. Wow. I've never even heard of that before. So there are businessmen on the sock? Yeah. No, on the packet. Oh, okay. It's not a sock with a guy in a suit on it.

That's how you know they're business socks. It's not like dress for the job you want. It's like literally having for the job you want. It's literally having a picture of the person on your clothes. How do we know you're a businessman? Check this out.

Check out the decal of me on my socks. Going in for a meeting. Put your foot up on the table, show on the socks. There's a CEO on there. That's me.

I don't need to show ID. That's me on my socks. Executive socks, right? me. I don't need to show ID. That's me on my sock. So executive socks, right? Never even heard of executive socks. So you're not even a businessman in this scenario. You're above the businessman. You're at the top. You're bossing around businessmen. You're a board member. Yeah, exactly.

And let me ask you this. So this seems to me as an outside observer, this seems like the highest class of sock you can get. Is this reflected in the price of the sock comparative to the other non-executive socks there? Oh,

you know what? $30 sock. I was in, I was in, I was obviously in a mood that day that I wasn't checking prices and things because,

you know, I paid $30 for headphones that didn't fucking work. You're shell-shocked. You're like, yeah. Well, I needed socks.

I'm about to get on the ferry. I've got to get them now. This is, you know, I've tried the clothes stores. I'm all out of, you're all out of ideas. Yeah, all out of ideas. Yeah. I'm about to get on the ferry. I've got to get them now. This is, you know, I've tried the clothes stores. I'm all out of... You're all out of ideas. Yeah, all out of ideas.

I'm in a 7-Eleven by socks. What happened to all the other socks that you had with you on this trip? They're all dirty, I think. They're in the big luggage. Once that baby's shut, they're coming back. I think I lost some as well. So, so. And also, I don't mind going into

7-Eleven on the way home and picking up a few little things because it's quite a thrifty little purchase get a few

toothpastes get a few little bits and pieces quite cheap so I think I need socks plus I'm

saving I'm making money get these executive socks you tell me where you get executive socks in Melbourne

I don't even know probably some fucking bank I don't know probably they print them they're probably a bank so get the three when you set up

a Dolomite to kill you yeah exactly so I then go to the ferry go to the shore go to the pier as they say and

fuck yeah I'll crack them open now and this but this is just a dry run because the ferry is a form of transport where you can just wear whatever you want

totally you're trying them out I'm just showing off at this point you're wearing them in you want people to know did we ever find out how much they cost

oh they were about I think they were about four or five dollars not bad just the one pair or is it like a pack with a bag so like a quarter the cost of a pair of headphones.

Are we talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. Like cotton? Well, we'll get to that. So this is where we are. Okay, so we're moving towards the toy stuff here. The material is the rub.

Yeah, I'm opening them up. I'm on the pier. Picture this. A man on a pier. Yep. I can see it. I can see it. Barefoot this. A man on a pier. Yep. I can see it. I can see it. Barefoot.

Barefoot man on the pier. Idyllic. Beautiful. Like the barefoot investor, but the barefoot traveller. Yeah. Different accounts. Things. And things and buckets.

Different things. Yes. Full of socks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Not exactly. So, let's get in the boat. What is happening?

All right. I'm picturing it. You're on the pier barefoot Thought Right I don't want to get to the airport And crack open the socks No

Madness You've got to be prepared Everyone will know That you've just At an airport That's it And you don't want that You need to prove to these people

That you're comfortable in the socks When you're getting on the flight You don't want them to look at you And go You just put them on You're not a sock wearer Get out of here. He's got a pair of freshies.

Like back in primary school, someone's like, oh, new socks, and then they have to christen them by jumping on your socks. This cat's got a pair of freshies on. Get him off. Freshie alert. So you want to wear them in.

Yeah, you've got to wear them in on the boat. So crack them open, open them up. Executive socks. Nothing like cracking open a fresh pack of socks. That new sock smell, man. Exactly. That new sock smell. I feel almost like Clark Kent, you know,

turning into Superman in the phone booth. I'm here as some dirty traveller with barefoot and I'm about to enter the boat, the telephone booth. The boat is the telephone booth. And come out an executive. Well, you're barefoot and I'm about to enter the boat, the telephone booth The boat is the telephone booth. And come out and execute. Well you're barefoot in Thailand. You look like a 22 year old girl on a trip of self discovery and then all of a sudden you're the head of

Rio Tinto. Yes exactly. I go from some dirty hippie yoga cunt to just being Gina Reinhart in one fell swoop. You've gone from Eat Pray Love to Sell, Pay, More. Yes! That was awesome, Ben.

That was the funniest shit I've ever heard. I crack open these freshies, as you put it. Yeah, these freshies. Rip open the packet And just Bang Yeah

It's like opening Vacuum sealed It's like opening tennis balls Exactly Oh I love that Exactly Open them up Fresh

Put them on Before they go stale Yeah I put them on Here we go I put them on Wow Yeah

One foot at a time Like a normal man Yeah I don't think we'd spend enough time On the opening of the packet Yeah yeah yeah But fine Jump ahead

We don't have a lot of time So your point Don't worry I wouldn't want to do it more But yeah We're good Yeah I wanted a description

Of the barcode On the back of the packet But anyway What numbers did you get? Nine, eight, oh Seven That's exciting Good numbers

That'll be in the festival show At the moment We're running out of time This is a club bit Yeah It's gotta be punchy This is show at the moment. We're running out of time. This is a club bit. It's got to be punchy. This is Gala.

Getting ready for Sydney. Yeah, Melbourne audiences would get into the barcode stuff. They've got a bit more patience, a bit of storytelling. But this is for the Sydney club gear. Rock'em, sock'em. Get to putting the sock on, all right? Point your toe. Literally rock'em, sock'em. Thank you.

I can't wait for the Perth gear. A lot of weird stuff happens with the socks. So I put the socks on. I almost do a double take. It's almost like one of those cartoon double takes. Wow. I put them on and go, this feels... I've picked the wrong sock, I think.

Really? Because I like a pretty firm sock. You're 42, you've worn a lot of socks in your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know what, I've got a draw full of them. How many socks do you reckon you've worn in your entire life? That is a great question. I don't have enough socks.

This is the other thing. I think, I've got this pair of socks, I can use these at home. These are disposable socks. I can use these again. For sure, they're just for the boardroom, right? They're executive socks. You're not wearing them around the house. I're executive socks you know wearing them around the house that would be such a good move

you put the socks on in order to get on the plane once you're on there they come straight on see ya give them to students can you put these in the bin please

they're just security socks once I get through security fucking boom who gives a shit into the bin I put them on I'm like this feels weird this feels different

I don't think I've had this. What's the sensation? This sensation. Try and walk us through it. It's weird, but it's like. Pay the picture. It's weird, but it's like slippery. Okay.

Slippery. I'm thinking polyester at this point. I'm thinking we're in a polyester territory. Okay. And then I look down. Like lube. Yeah. Well, almost.

Lubage. Like shoe lube. Yeah. Which is what socks are. So then. He's got us there, boys. That lube. Yeah, well, almost. Lubage. Like shoe lube. Yeah. Which is what socks are. So, then... He's got us there, boys. That's true. He's got us there. They ease it in. Socks are shoe lube.

Socks are shoe lube, guys. And there was the Perth bit. Yeah. Or is that the name of the show? Shoe lube. Tony Shoe L. Shuloo. Shuloo. Tony Shuloo. Monk. What is this word association?

Yeah, yours wasn't even a bit. The worst podcasting ever. Yours was just saying the name of a show. He said something and it reminded me of something else. I hate podcasting. Monk. Temple. Monk. Temple. Monk.

Shit. Go on. How good are our lives? It's Saturday night. I know. Cam thinks he's looking at those inkblots at the moment. Like some psychiatrist test. Shit rips.

I don't mind. I miss my dad. All right Alright Go on Shoe lube Shoe lube's on I'm feeling weird About the lubeness Of the shoe lube

And then I go I've got to check this out What am I missing visually here So you're bending over You haven't So you haven't even looked down yet No no no Is the boat moving

No no no No no no Boat hasn't finished Put them on without even I'm on the pier I'm on the pier You're going to miss the boat dude I'm putting on socks on the pier.

I am anxious about that, yeah. He's got to put the shoes on as well. I'm not worried about it. He knows his stuff when it comes to ferries and boats and stuff. I've done this before. I've done this back home. He might end up trapped in Thailand in this story. We don't know.

Yeah, I might be still there. I might be Skyping right now. So, so... Shoe-libs on. I'm looking down. I'm like, this is not a usual thing. This is not a usual thing to look down and to be able to see my toes. While they've got socks on.

While they've got socks on. That is unusual. Have I got x-ray socks on? What's happening here? I reckon I've cracked the case. I think I've cracked this. What's happening? What do you think's happening?

No, I don't want to say. Me neither. I want you to get to know. I'm like this with TV show. I don't like to kind of predict and try to jump ahead. I just long for the ride. I have no idea what's going on. I look down.

You know what I've got? I've got sawn off stockings. They've sold me sawn off stockings. Sawn off? Yeah. It's like a shotgun. Is that the term? Sawn off stockings.

You didn't have a discreet moment with shoe lube. You've got a discreet moment with sawn off stockings. I just have a... Getting a saw. God. Time for daddy've got to work yeah I had to saw off these stockings

so they're like fingerless gloves yeah yeah I'm not even getting the full deal of a full stocking they just cut them off at like just above

the ankle I've just got tiny little stockings on there they're not fucking executive socks they're a quarter stockings. Can I say something, Carl? Did you go in there and go,

can I have socks? No, but I went to the sock aisle and they said socks on them. It said executive socks. And there's pictures of businessmen. I think that's implied that they're not wearing stockings underneath a three-piece suit. It could be. You don't know. It could be Google. Yeah, it could be like Google.

I think in court there's a case to be made that says that I shouldn't have to... They're not implying that. That I shouldn't realistically expect that's what they're wearing underneath those... It's always everyone else's fault, isn't it? Bitch, you bought stockings. You idiot. You bought sawn-offs, you idiot. What were you going to say before, Cam?

What were you going to say before, Cam? What were you going to say before? I don't know. I actually don't see the problem with this because you only need these in order to fool the airline people if you belong on the plane. So as long as they can just see the ankle being covered and then you've got a shoe covering the rest of it, it doesn't matter.

This seems perfect for you. You love being bare feet. You get to raw dog your shoes. And if anyone asks, you just lift up your pant leg a bit and prove that you're wearing a stocking. This is the ultra-sensitive sock. Yeah.

You can feel every... I was slipping around inside my shoe. I felt like I was fucking Spider-Man or something like with clothes on over the top or I had some fucked up secret identity underneath myself or something. It was fucking weird. I felt like Spider-Man.

Just a man in stockings. Wow, I'm a real web slinger. This must be our superheroes. Superheroes are wearing that sort of material, aren't they? It's all like spandex and stuff and they've got to wear that every day under their suits. Under their clothes. Under their clothes, yeah. Under their clothes, yeah. So I felt like I was...

It was like that. I was wearing... Secret identity. Yeah, I reckon you're right for thinking everything about... I think this is... And yet you continue to go back there. Month after month, you continue.

Well, I haven't been back since then. Yeah. They humiliated you, dude. They treat you like shit. Exactly. They treat you like dirt. My last experience, my last hour of Thailand was being sold $30 headphones that don't work properly

with only a week's expiry date on them and being sold sawn-off stockings. In the guise of executive stockings. Sawn-off stockings. What's the warranty on the sawn-off stockings? Oh, yeah, look, you know what? Didn't even check. You could have gone...

Again, you were just there. You could have gone back. Excuse me, these stockings are sawn off. Someone's sawn off these stockings. Exactly. I probably couldn't even bring them back because they'd be like, they're sawn off. Did you saw them off?

You clearly sawn those off. Did you saw them off? We can't keep these. What have you done with the other three quarters of the stockings? So what did you wear home? I wore them. I had to wear them. No, you didn't.

They weren't doing anything. What do you mean? Like your feet, so feet, bare feet in shoes. Yes. And then just basically

a sleeve over your shins. Yes. But then you also, you're not in shorts, you're in long pants, right? Couldn't you have just gone bare feet in shoes with no socks? Because that's basically what you're doing. shorts. You're in long pants, right? Couldn't you have just gone bare feet in shoes with no socks?

Because that's basically what you're doing. If you've got jeans, that's covering up your ankle. You're only leaving a very thin sliver of... It seems to me... At this point, I had shorts on and the sawn-off stockings pulled up. And then I got to the airport. Then gap, then ankle. No, but I didn't have the pants in the big suitcase.

In the big luggage. In the big luggage. Thank you. I thought I'll test them out here. I'll put them in the small luggage. In the little luggage. In the little luggage. And so once they complain, I'll put them on.

But they didn't complain. So all this... So this whole story... I was wearing sawn-off stockings for fucking nothing. For no reason. This whole story just seems... So the last half hour has just been a complete waste of everyone's time. And that's when I realised...

That's what you need for a new year. That's when I realised I was on heroin. There is no better metaphor for the saying, it's the journey, not the destination. That story that we just sat through. I had a good time, but then when we got where we were going, it's like, there's nothing here. There's some cool signs on the driveway.

It was like the sawn-off stockings themselves. There was something there, but the rest of it wasn't there. That's your metaphor. Fuck! There you go. Man, you're going to win a Gibbo this year. You're going to win the Barry Humphreys. I was.

It's back. I was wearing stockings. Can we get into a bit of this just to get back into something that we've been talking about a little bit recently? Yes. Ben and Cam, I think you might be able to help us out with this a little bit. This is our next move that we're trying to get off the ground. We're trying to put together a sketch show on this podcast.

This is our dream. We want to have a TV show because typically in entertainment with TV, people put a lot of their heart and soul into something and then if it doesn't get up, it's very crushing or if it gets up and people hate it, it's very crushing. They've had this one great idea. Everyone's got this one great idea in them and then you go to a network and they say that's the worst idea ever

and it's done. So our theory is we go in with the worst idea ever and make it as bad as we can and then if it gets rejected, who cares? But if it gets passed in, awesome. Now we have the worst show of all time and it's on TV. Yeah. So we're going to put together some,

we're going to start shooting stuff probably like a bit later in the year. But we're just kind of developing characters at the moment on the pod. And it's cool. So it's a sketch show, which you guys would be, this is an audition basically. You guys are sketch performers. Are you saying that we're going to be in season two? basically you guys are sketch performers

are you saying that we're going to be in season two yeah the whole first season is going to be filmed on Facebook live when you see it

on my phone okay alright so it's called it's a sketch show it's a sketch show called Funny Fellas spelled PH

with both funny and fellas oh yeah good start we've got a few characters already. We've got Stone Santa. That's one character.

We've got Doctor Bitch. Hang on. Let us sink in. Imagine Stone Santa. Imagine you know Santa coming down the chimney. Red eyes.

He's like nah man. Yeah. Nah man. Eating all the cookies waking up the kids going you got anyone with hash in them? Yeah. That's funny. Wacky tabacky. Yeah. That's yeah. Eating all the cookies, waking up the kids going, you got anyone with hash in them? Yeah, that's funny.

Wacky tobacco. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. Yeah, yeah, good stuff. Maybe lighten up a joint off the fireplace. Oh, fuck yeah. Mistletoe in the joint, all that kind of shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice. What else have we got? Dr. Bitch. Dr. Bitch. I'm not quite sure what that one is yet. No. It kind of writes itself. You have cancer.

Is that it? Yeah. You've got cancer. Is that it? Yeah. You've got cancer. Nice shoes. Idiot. I don't... Tip shit. You're going to die.

Okay. I don't need an x-ray to see what's wrong with you. There we go. Honey, this outfit. P.S. You have AIDS. Actually, not that bad. Got legs.

Yeah, that's got legs Doctor Bitch is a pretty good one Doctor Bitch Okay We need the fashion police And the fashion ambulance Oh honey You're dead on arrival

Alright Doctor Bitch is lucky Doctor Bitch is great We got Doctor Bitch It's so easy to write comedy When it's bad Yeah And then the other one we have Is the ejaculating bush.

Yeah, yeah. I can't remember how we came up with that one. I can't remember how we got that, but yeah. All of these, we have no memory of what birthed them, but I think that's what makes them great. Yeah, funny fellas. The ejaculating bush is kind of a, it's like a, I think it was off the back of the biblical thing of the burning bush.

Oh, yeah. I don't think it was at all, but that makes more sense for you saying that. I think that's where, I don't think it was at all, but that makes more sense for you saying that. I think that's where... I can't remember. Anyway, so that's just a bush that has come flying out of it. I don't know if it needs to talk. Do we need a voice on that one? It should just go...

Yeah, definitely. Oh, God. Do all the characters need to have the same voice? Yeah, basically. Oh, I'm a bush. Jesus Christ, I'm about to cum. Oh, Lord, here we be. I don't know.

I'm taking it back. Maybe the bush should talk. All right, cool. No talking. So while you bring this up, do you imagine maybe we're getting a character out of this episode, something that's happening in this episode? We did come up with one in Copenhagen

that we were saying we've got to bring up on the show. We did come up with one in Copenhagen that we were saying we've got to bring up on the show. We've got a new one. Do you not remember this? No, I don't. Let me remind you about a little character

called the Horny Baby. Oh, right, yes. I think we disagree about what the backstory of the Horny Baby is. Yes. I like to think that it's kind of

some sort of like almost as if it'd be like a Rob Schneider vehicle, right? Yeah. So it's like a horny adult man. He's a horny man. He goes through like a Freaky Friday scenario.

Gets cursed by a gypsy. Yeah, his brain is in the body of a baby, and then come breastfeeding time, he's just... Oh, my God. He loves it. He had a lot of backstory. All I wanted was the single image of a baby sucking on a lady's bosom, and then it panning down to see this baby jacking its little dick.

That's all I want to see in it. I don't need a backstory. That could be like a Mr. Bean sketch where you don't need any dialogue. You just see that. Right, right. You can play it on play. That could play all over the world. That could be on buses, for school, excursions.

Exactly. In France. Yeah, in India. What a transport where you don't need to hear anything You can have that Yeah Mama Too much

Oh mama I'm gonna cum Same voice Same voice Same voice Oh mama I'm gonna cum Let me suck on those titties mom

Have we got Who's the guy's name That's in Mrs. Doubtfire That like Harvey Fierce It's the only impression I that's in Mrs. Doubtfire? Harvey Fierce. That's the only impression I can do. Oh, crap. Robin Williams. Fantastic

actor. He's a fantastic actor. Unfortunately, dead. Come see my new show, Kinky Boots. So I think if we're going to make this show like a Little Britain, you know, I like the idea of really limiting your scope

so that these characters really only have one joke in them. Yeah. There's no problems there. So I don't know. The next sketch of Horny Baby is just going to be a different mum. I guess he's sucked down the boo bowl. Definitely. Maybe, I guess.

I guess it's just more and more scenarios where it's more embarrassing for the mum for people to see that her baby is jacking its dick. Right. So it's like breastfeeding in public, not bad. It's 2019. People are across that. People are fine with that.

But the baby then jacking its dick, that's an issue. What about this? Is this too far? Is this too far out of the scope of this character we painted? Is this too out of character? How's this for a second reveal? You see the baby sucking on a boob, then you pan out.

Oops, he's made a mistake. He's sucking on a man boob. Yeah. That's funny. Then he realises, and he's like, it's like you're reading my mind here. This is exactly what I'm thinking. Great.

Yeah. That's sketch three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a clean tracking way to heighten He goes Girl titty, man titty Then oh there's something in that Now it's

Horny gay baby Yeah horny gay baby And he talks a bit like this Oh Jesus Christ I'm gay and I'm horny You've got cancer Get out of here See I'm thinking

The Man Boop thing I'm thinking that Season finale material Right Perhaps even A cliffhanger Here's the thing I'm worried about

It pans down He's unable to jack off And he's frustrated So he's like crying Because he's like Going to jack off But he realises he can't He doesn't have the inspiration

There's literally No payoff to the scene Like how do you end that scene No money shot No money shot Wait a minute Do you see the baby jack off but he realizes he can't he doesn't have the inspiration there's literally no payoff to the scene like how do you end that scene no money shot no money shot wait a minute do you see the baby come in

all these sketches I imagine so okay yeah yeah I mean you have to yeah I think we're gonna end up being moved around time slot yeah I'd

say this show will struggle to find an audience I think that's I think if the network pushes back I think that's the hill that you die on yes totally we are not I'm sorry but well otherwise my, I think that's the hill that you die on. Yes, totally.

We are not, I'm sorry, but my creative vision. Otherwise, it's literally just a sketch of a baby sucking on a boob and that's the whole sketch. I need to see this baby ejaculate. I need to see the cum shoot out. That would be great. I'm now in favour of the sketch being. And it's baby cum, so it would be like weird.

It's way milkier. Yes. Not very thick. Because the baby's clearly not under solid because it's still sucking on the boo. It just makes sense. I reckon what we need to do, because you raise a good point

about having a hill to die on. I reckon what we need to do is we need to make sure that there's some in the mix that we're happy to jettison. Right. So we get bad notes, it's like to deflect them from horny baby.

We can protect horny baby. Oh, okay. We come up with a couple of other ones that they're like, you know, you've got to get rid of these. We're get bad notes. It's like to deflect them from Horny Baby. We can protect Horny Baby. We come up with a couple of other ones that they're like, you know, you've got to get rid of these. We're like, fine. Straight pedophilia. We pick that through. Blackface rugby. I don't know. Blackface rugby.

Blackface rugby. Yeah, it's just like a bunch of dudes and they're all on blackface and they're playing rugby. That's the joke. That's good. Throw that one in. All right. Yeah, what do you reckon?

Just any quick ones off the top of the dome that you think would fit into this pretty extensive universe? It's a lot of pressure to put these guys under. I feel like at the very least we've fleshed out some characters with these guys. Ben, I reckon you're a character master. I reckon you can come up with one. Fuck you.

You're really good at this stuff. That's all I'm saying. You were just telling me that really funny character. What about anything based on the socks or the narrowing? Is there anything in what we've brought up already? Narrowing sales. But that sketch has already been done.

Yeah, but what's already on that sketch has already been done. Yeah, if it wasn't already on that sketch for Minority Report. But great sketch shows are always doing parodies. Maybe we do the parody of the Narrow and Sales sketch, which by then will be a very famous...

A bit lowbrow. Shacking off babies fine. Oh, so we spoof it. So we do a parody of a sketch Yeah I love that Yeah yeah yeah Of a very famous sketch by then

Yeah yeah yeah Okay I got one Here we go President come fart Right okay Talk me through it It's So he's the president

Yeah so you know this guy Of what country Trump He's the president of Trump Oh is this political Yeah yeah yeah So you gotta have satire right there Oh yeah. He's the president of Trump. Oh, is this political? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've got to have satire right there. He's like,

we've got all this... He's like, Jesus Christ, we've got it. I'm about to come fine. It's going to be the greatest come

fine. It's going to be the greatest come Why are you wearing that dress? You've got cancer. So then, final episode of the season, we just have a mega mixed character

that's like all of the catchphrases at once. Like a one-man band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like him giving every symbol and drum and trumpet. Oh, like fake noose more like fake poos. Fucking hell. Great, great. That's really good.

That's really good. Well, this is going to be quite a packet that we go into the networks yet another successful writers meeting great yep well we better wrap it up

for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club Cam and Ben thank you very much for joining us thank you for having us thank you thanks guys

I don't want to speak for you but thanks for having us thanks for having both of us on behalf of us you've both got podcasts yeah we do yep you can plug them.

Ben has a podcast called The Grub, which is so funny. It's got friends of the show. It's got friends of the show. Yeah, it does. So it's you and Greg Larson and Edmund. Yeah, that's right. It's a sketch show. And really, there are...

Hey, hey, anything said on this show... Yeah, you can't poach ideas. Well, I mean... You should listen to it because there's a lot of similarities. If I listen to this and I hear one baby coming, we will be lawyering up. Yeah, well, you know, Greg has a lot of those ones. And Cam has a wonderful podcast called Total Reboot with Alexei Toliopoulos. Oh my God, it's like he's here.

Hello. It's wonderful to be here. Is this another character? I am Alexi Toleopoulos. Is this another character called Wog Podcast? Yeah. We could get Alexi in the mix for Funny Fellas. Oh, the Wogcaster.

That's got to be in Funny Fellas. Welcome to the Wogcaster. Oh my god, Join my Patreon. WTF is this? Can't do it. Tonight, we look at the differences between how white people drink coffee and the Wogs. Yes, that's right. We do things differently.

Sign me up for the podcast. Get me on that. I'll subscribe. Like and subscribe. And a reminder to our British listeners that it's a very different world. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, very different over here. But still offensive.

Yeah, racist not as much. Yeah, we're not allowed to say that word for sure. Yeah, well, I mean... Oh, no. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do. All right, fellas. Check out these boys' podcasts.

They're both excellent. Thanks very much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. They have. Are you okay? They have. Yeah, I think I'm okay.

Okay. Yeah. I was going to... I'm allergic to hot. Okay. Yeah. I was going to... I'm allergic to hot content, so I thought I was going to sneeze. We had to take a pause. We're on sneeze alert. Yeah. I was hoping you'd do it and then we'd catch that in the mic.

Right. And then I could say, he's done it again. Yeah. That could be... What if we championed... Campaigned to get that to replace Gesundheit or Bless You? I've done it again. If I put pepper up my nose now, does that actually make you sneeze?

I don't know. I've never seen that work or heard of it working anywhere except for like, say, a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Go try it though. I might get it. Yeah. All right. Can you feel for five seconds while I find pepper?

You've been sneezing a lot since I've been in your house and you have a very, Carl has a very violent sneeze for anyone who hasn't heard it. He's one of those guys that really puts everything he has into it it's a mixture of pure elation and a bit of anger in there it's a real performance it's really over the top

I didn't really realise other people didn't sneeze like that but now every time when I sneeze and people make reviews I'm like okay maybe this is you're going to do a line of pepper off one of your child's storybooks. God, I hope your wife and kid come home while this is happening. You're grinding pepper onto the green sheep. Mem Fox's Where is the Green Sheep?

Sweet plug. Sweet sponsor this week. So what do I do? Do I sniff it or do I snort it? I don't. I'd say to you, I've only ever seen this work. I know, I know, I know. But I'm looking for guidance because I don't know either.

I'll just have a general. Just have a quick whiff. How's that make you feel? This is not good hospitality. I need to get a photo of this. Wait, hang on. Let me capture this. We'll put this in the Patreon group for the real ones. This is

a man trying to make himself sneeze. Is it working? Do you feel in any way, do you feel the back of the sinuses kind of tingling or anything like that? I don't know. I don't think it's a real thing. But do you feel do you, because you were right on the brink

before we started recording, do you still feel like you're on the brink of a sneeze? No, no. This has stopped me sneezing, if anything. Right. This has just seasoned my nostrils. Okay, well, we've discovered a remedy. Yeah, it's actually the opposite. It actually cures sneezing.

Don't they say staring into the sun can trigger it, can make you sneeze? Or can make you or stop you. Yeah, no, make you. I think. No, maybe it stops you. How is that scientifically possible? Yeah. Yeah, that's ridiculous.

Sorry, guys. Sorry. Big letdown. Sorry. I know a lot of you guys expect to download this and expect a good sneeze. But you want all of the kind of bodily functions to be covered across the hour. You know, you want someone spewing on Mike. You want to sneeze.

You want a few hiccups in the mix. You want cumming. We can do that the mix you want coming we can do that that's easy we can do that that happens that also happens when i sniff pepper as well now that that's one of my favorite tom and jerry cartoons right tom whiffing on a big old big old thing of cracked pepper and then just busting everywhere all over poor little jerry he's covered in cum. That gets in his eyes. He can't see. He can't escape. Yep.

Tom grabs him and then violently fucks him to death. Wow. I assume that's why he wanted to catch the mouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what. Whenever anyone wants anything, it's to fuck them. Well, I mean, I saw the Peppula Pew cartoons before I saw Tom and Jerry. Yep.

So I assumed that there was, in all of them where there's like a, you know, a pursuer, that there was some kind of like romantic infatuation attached to that. Do you think Frodo wanted to fuck the ring? I mean, it's a ring. Of course. It's not a cock ring, though. It's a natural cylinder.

So as we said at the top of the top. But he has the ring, doesn't he? Oh, yeah. It's Gollum. Gollum wants to fuck the ring. Oh, Gollum wants to fuck the ring. Okay. And now imagine that.

Do the voice. You do the voice. You're good at voices. Let's get Ben Russell back in here. That was a good ep. That was a very fun ep. Very fun. Very funny episodes.

If you've got any complaints, direct them at everyone but us. Two little cunts. Yeah. I don't feel bad about saying that at all. Two absolute little shits. Plus our guests. Yeah. Very fun.

Very, very distilled essence of our show, I think. Yeah. Just four people being fucking absolutely fuckwits, and that shouldn't go out in the air, but it is. My favourite thing is getting infatuated with a story that is just very simple, not much to it, but just digging up on every single detail of it. Yep. Too much fun. Absolutely beautiful.

Yeah. As we said at the top, top, top of the show, we are going to Perth. We are going to Parth. Yep. That's going to be a heap of fun. Of course, the aim of that is to visit one of our Patreon subscribers, a little subscriber called Juggernaut the Bull. And for Tommy to work some of his absolute... Juggernaut comedy?

Yes. Tommy to work some of his absolute magic on him. Newcastle. Look, a slight bit of news with Newcastle. Look, we don't usually confirm guests. A confirmed guest for Newcastle is we've got the big one, we've got the scoop, we've got Nick Capper. Pretty sweet.

We managed to talk him into doing it instead of sitting around and going through bins. Now look, the good thing is there's only a few tickets left. If you are thinking about going, a sweet little what do you call bait, piece of bait is that

Capper is going to do it London style. He's going to find the fucktest way to come to Newcastle as well. So he's, instead of flying to different countries, he's trying to find different forms of transport, like shit forms of transport that he can use to get up there and as many of those types of transport as he can to get to Newcastle. Tractor, go-kart, donkey. Yeah. Whatever he can get his hands on.

Yeah. So that is going to happen. So that'll be a heap of fun, I think. And he's doing it in the tux as well? I believe so. Yes. So great reason to come along and they'll be find out what the fuck how the fuck he has has done that we'll also be able to get an update on something that i

talked about a few weeks ago now kappa is as we speak at my parents house oh doing some labor for them yes he was meant to be doing this before we went to kosamui and we would talk about it then he then bailed on my dad to instead go and do some work cleaning up a meth lab oh let's talk about that yeah yeah so well yeah he's been sending me photos uh he he he was provided a full home-cooked lunch courtesy of my mom great perfect so yeah i i think it'll i think i'm gonna try think I'm going to try and get both sides of the story. Right. So that'll be something to talk about with you. Slight update on the regular episode that we've just heard.

My headphones that I bought in Thailand, no good. They're done? Is this them here? That is not them. This is officially licensed Apple gear? Yes. They were bought inside a shop rather than out the front of a shop. So they should be fine. And the old ones in the bin now? No, they'll just lie around for me to get desperate, try and use them again, get frustrated, and then put them down again.

Update on the run, as we mentioned at the top. The run Melbourne that I've signed up for but then found out that I'm going to be in Newcastle for. So I'm running in Newcastle, 10K, raising money for Shake It Up Australia. People on the internet are trying to find little courses for me to run so I can run directly into the Newcastle show and onto the stage. Slight little snafu, as they say. I believe I've broken my toe. Yes.

So at time of recording, we're like four weeks out. I've fucked my toe up very badly. Just then when you went to get the pepper. Yeah. You were hobbling. Yeah, no good. I've just been to the doctors. I put it off for a week going, toes just fix themselves.

And then I got there. Now it's like black today and like pus coming out of it. It's not good. Harry Connick's not into it. No. No. There's absolutely zero coming from him. And so I went to the doctors and they were just like,

why did you not come in earlier than this? So now I'm supposed to like stay at home and put my foot up in the air. I've gotten that when I – because I'm a bit like you. I'll just put it off. Like, ah, it's fine. Yeah. And you get that attitude of like, are you insane for not coming in? It's like, you can't tell me I'm the first person to ever come in here long after they

should have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I imagine that's fairly common. But also it's like, well, it's my little toes, my baby toes. So it's like, well, what are you going to do? Like, my thought was, well, they're not going to come in, you know, put in a sling or anything like that. It's just going to...

It's just a bit of cloth that goes around your neck. Yes. All the way down the leg, right into the shoe. Yeah, just poke a hole out of your shoe. Yep. They're not going to do that either. They're not going to set it straight or whatever. It's just going to heal itself and it'll be fine.

However, it's just been rubbing against my other toe and just bursting open and there's shit all over the joint. It's not good. I thought it was getting better and it was absolutely not getting better. So what have they given you anything for it? Are you on like anti-inflammatory or something like that? Anti-biotics. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I just took a bunch of them. They dressed it properly. They dressed the wound. um they dressed it properly they dressed the wound um yeah she's just giving me a lot of very uh strict guidelines as to how to treat my my foot from now on yeah which you definitely will ignore um look before i left i definitely made sure that what she said was if i just do absolutely nothing to this foot from now on until friday that's fine isn't it and she was like yes as long as you don't fuck it up from here okay so i'm like i just want to get that down but what's friday well i have to go back in in a couple oh right okay right but i was like but no exactly

the running day exactly like you said like you know if they needed me to do A, B, C, D, E, F, G every day for it, I'd be like, I might do H maybe. But she's fixed it up to a point where it's like I don't have to do anything. So it should be fine. As long as I don't take a shower with it and like stick my toe down the plug hole, I'm fine. Okay. So it should be okay. Yeah. And you've got four weeks.

As long as it's not like gremlins and I don't get it wet or feed it after midnight. You've got four weeks. As long as it's not like Gremlins and I don't get it wet or feed it after midnight. So, yeah, so four weeks until the run. Yeah. But I guess the problem, you want to start training as well. Yeah. Which is, so I reckon, I reckon without seeing it, maybe a week you'd be able to start running again.

I reckon. I wish I could show you it. You could. Oh, but it's all dressed. It's all dressed up. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty bad. Maybe we make that a new tier on Patreon.

You get uncensored photos of all medical ailments that we are going to both be getting with increasing volume at this point of our lives. Yeah, I know. You know what? When I went into the doctors, I was like, I was here two weeks ago. That's not good. For what? Oh, what was it two weeks ago?

Something else. Oh, just a general checkup or something. Oh, yeah. Like a blood test. A blood test, which I did not bother finding out the results of. Okay. And a thing that my wife sent me in to do, which was to look at it like a lump on my back. And they said, it's fine, but here's details of how to go and get an x-ray that you have to go and do.

And I went, okay, and didn't do it. Yeah. Yeah. Any second step where you've got to call up some second asshole and go in, that's a tall order. Yeah, and they're like, it's fine, but just go and do this. And I'm like, I'm hearing it's fine. Yeah.

Why would I need to do a second thing? Hospitals are so big. Why can't they just be like the supermarket? You know, I'm in here. I can get everything I need. Even if you don't have the utensils to cook with, there's often an aisle in the supermarket where it's like, you know what, here's a pan just in case you don't have the utensils to cook with, there's often an aisle in the supermarket where it's like, you know what? Here's a pan.

Yeah. Just in case you don't have one of them. Yeah. You can walk in here with nothing and leave complete... You can get the matches to light your stove with. You can leave completely equipped to cook a meal. Man, totally. And also, where this doctor's is, there's like a chemist next door, which is smart because

you just walk out with the script and go, well, obviously you go in there. And they've thought enough to do that. Yeah. Well, put everything in one fucking shopping mall. Like have an operating theater in there. Have an x-ray in there. Yep. Yep.

Have a fucking McDonald's. Yep. Which is different. I've got a couple of follow-ups at the moment that I need to get going on. Right. Which it's just, how long is that going to take me? Yeah. Probably another two months, I reckon, to make this follow-up appointment.

Yeah. Just sitting there. I've got to make this follow-up appointment. Yeah. Just sitting there. I've got the referral sitting there on my desk. Yeah. The phone number's staring me in the face. Yeah. Once I decide to do it, it'll take three seconds. Well, like I said last week or whenever it was, the wedding photos.

Yeah. Man, sitting on the bottom of my to-do list for so long. And now they're back on the bottom of the to-do list. Yes, yes. Because fucking now I've got to fix them up and oh God. But I'm often, once, I'm always surprised stuff that I put off, once you sit down to do it, it's actually surprisingly quick. Right.

It's the just getting around to like, for me it's picking up the phone. I hate being on the phone. Yeah. So it's like doing that will take me honestly two weeks to go, okay, plug in the number. And then I do it and it's like, wow, this took me from that and the appointment and everything half an hour out of my week all up. You know what I do now? I have a to-do list, right?

I've got the to-do list. I write everything down. You can see an example right there. Yep, yep. I'm looking right at it. I've got the dot points. It feels like a betrayal of privacy to actually read what's on there. Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

There's nothing personal in there except for pull my dick. All right. Okay. You have to be reminded of that. Yeah, that's crossed off straight away every day. There seems to be several crosses through that. Oh, they're not crosses. That's...

What? Calm. Okay. But I'd be able to anyway. Right. I can see through that. Right. Not the way.

Okay. That's the way I do it. Some of that blackness from the toe is seeped up. Seeped up, fending the whole body. Yeah, it's the opposite of whiteout. Yeah. Yeah. This is good stuff.

Yes. Comedy. So I now have to trick myself into going, right, I do the to-do list and I put it in order, but then I get a highlighter out and then I highlight the ones that I actually should be prioritizing. But then that's not,

but that's not enough. Then out of the highlighted ones, I need to circle those ones. Okay. And then I get to the end of the day and I'm like, I still haven't fucking done any of them. That's interesting because I've been at your house before and I've seen the highlighter on the to-do list.

And I've always thought that that was you, instead of crossing it out, you put the highlighter through it just so you can then say, just in case later you're like, fuck, what was that thing that I did? I've crossed it out did i've crossed it out i can't read it oh right that was just like for the you know then they all go into it in my head that you're done you're completed to-do lists then go into a little filing cabinet somewhere where you can just go back a year and just relive the good old days oh i remember when that was a task i had to do i did the washing up last May? No. I'd love to be as organized as that, but I'm not. Well, the trick is I think you write shorter to-do lists. Yeah.

Because it's like if you fill it up with like all these little tasks and whatever that do need to get done but aren't as important, you do them and you trick yourself that you've gotten heaps done. Yeah. Whereas if you cut it back by half and just put the three actually vital things, it's like I can't get to the end of the day without this done. Right. I feel like I need to at least put at the bottom of the list, you have to do 10 of these today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Make it. Because sometimes I get to like four o'clock and I look at the list and I've done two or three things and I get mad and go, what the fuck am I doing? And then I sit there and I go, I've got half now. I do five of them now. Yep. And then you can be happy about your day. Five things. Yeah.

Done half effectively. Yes. Under crunch. Well, at least there's something done. I'm sure there's some kind of, there must be some kind of app that does this stuff for you where you put it in there and then there's some kind of inbuilt reward system in the app where you can get some kind of, you know what I mean, validation and like medals and stuff as you go.

Turning it into a video game. Fucking hell. But I'm sure there's apps like that for healthy eating and exercise where it's like it is addictive to sit on your phone and say, hey, you did five runs this week. Here's a little gold medal. That sort of stuff would actually work for me. If it was Mario saying, get off your ass, you fucking cunt.

Go and do your tax mamma mia you get a new level so you don't have to be you anymore you're just you're just in a different country from now on yeah yeah yeah that'd be good if you just got to move house if you got everything done then you got to move house you got to look at different stuff when you're doing because that's a bit more inspiring having different surroundings right so you Right. So you're saying if you want to move house, if you want to get out, you get given a to-do list of like 250 things or whatever. Yeah, all the stuff that's wrong with your life. If you get rid of all of those things, you get to move house. And then the real estate agent immediately approves you and you get the place that you want.

Don't have to go to inspections. The house of your dreams. Yes. Next day you're in there. Someone moves and does everything for you. Yes. You know what? That's a good idea. We've you're in there. Someone moves and does everything for you. Yes. That's, you know what?

That's a good idea. We've just invented utopia. We've truly invented an actual utopia. That would be a good thing. All right. Is that all our housekeeping, I think? Oh,

we should be giving a shout out to, and especially because they've asked for it. There's a page. Fuck this. Oh, yeah, yeah.

There's a page on Facebook called Aware Memes for Westgate Teens. And if you're on Facebook, go and give them a look, give them a like. They're doing memes. If you're into memes, they're applying all of our bullshit to those templates, those setups. And if you're not on Facebook, get on it, guys. It's pretty cool.

It's really just starting to pop off. Yeah. It's really just starting to get guys. It's pretty cool. It's really just starting to pop off. Yeah. It's really just starting to get good. It's pretty cool. People like to, like, you know, at me in the news articles and send me messages that I don't see because they go to other junk folders that are just like, oh, I saw this 69 thing or, oh, you suck. Oh, yeah.

It's pretty cool, man. Yeah. It's good to be able to have, you know, keep in touch with the listeners. People like to have a crack in a public forum and then crawl into the inbox to grovel when you block them for completely fair reasons. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's always the best thing that pops up on the to-do list, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. A bit of online babysitting.

Yeah. Love that. It's not enough to put out a free couple of hours of this every week. Let's deal with fucking absolute morons let's put the pacifier back in oh fuck great stuff what a fucking what a life of course uh let's get back onto positive terrain big shout out to aware memes for westgate teams yes some absolutely great work on there uh some very um i tell you what they've really got their finger on the pulse of what's

happening with memes at this current point in time some great formats getting a good run yeah i don't really i don't really follow that stuff that much so a lot of the things i'm like obviously references the things i don't know so i'm like okay this makes sense i guess get through that to-do list a bit quicker you'll have all the time in the world i don't know i don't want to go through it i don't want to have time to know all the memes nearly all of my social media pages are like people that i follow have annoyed me enough that i've got them on mute to now the only things that show up are just memes everything else is hidden guess what i think the pepper's working here we go get a load of that folks that is wow that is wild stuff that's only one that's very rare you know

because you do three at that volume and intensity in a row yeah I'm a triple yeah yeah triple threat

that's like a bazooka going off yeah I don't mean it I'm not putting it on that's just that's how it works I think it's like

the perfect like the fact that it's involuntary is just like the perfect distilling of your nature right just look I probably shouldn't be saying this but I'll It's just like the perfect distilling of your nature. Right. Just.

Look, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I'll say what happened last night because that sort of links into it. Man, fucking. Well, look, I'll make it positive to start with. This sneeze reminds me of something. Yes. Just very quickly. Aware memes for Westgate teens. I made a request and they made it and it turned out great.

And I requested a video, which I think is a bit cheeky because that's a lot more work. Oh, right. But they did it. The one of Homer waking up Bart in the middle of the night and going, I don't wish to alarm you, but I was in a cafe the other day. Right, right, right. Is that a meme? People like, yeah, people taking the clip where homer bursts in right and he goes i

don't wish to alarm you right and then just put and then just dubbing over other stuff okay yeah right yep um well that that's that's cool um i hate chat to people that um it happens fucking heaps but people come to the comedy rooms that i organize uh that does happen heaps yeah but like people that listen to this show. So Comedy Explained on Monday nights in Melbourne, there's Thursday Comedy Club on a Thursday in Melbourne and there's Basement Comedy Club. On the roof of the European Beer Cafe. Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?

On Saturday nights, European Beer Cafe, just like the Thursdays. Anyway, lots of people have been coming in and they always sort of come up and say you know they're aware and stuff like that we told a story within the normal episode about someone in the front row

to shoot their pants anyway look it's not so much about people who are aware there was a few people there last night at Spleen

when I was running it but man so you know as the week goes on this is what happens Spleen's free gold coin donation or note donation at the end.

You might see some big names dropping in to try some new stuff. Last night, Tom Ballard was there. I know him. Yeah, your ex-roommate. And a few other people. I go down there. Look, to be honest, I try new material there every week. I get up and have my little list.

Stephen K. Amos would absolutely approve of this. Go through some new jokes. So after a hard day on the couch with the to-do list, you leave the house at night time, the sun's down, time to whip out a very different kind of to-do list. Exactly. This guy loves a notepad. Yep. You're keeping moleskin in business.

Man, I love that shit. Nothing better than buying a new notepad. Oh, yeah. It's great. So that's on the Monday night. So that's free, donation, whatever. Easy. As the week goes on, it gets a bit more, I guess, professional, a bit more expensive.

So the Thursdays, you've got a headline, you've got a famous headline, you've got people doing paid spots. It's like $13 to get in. Then the weekend, Saturday, basement, the price is a bit more expensive because, you know, that's when people go out. Weekend tax. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's the cost of me giving up my fucking Saturday nights every week. Big time party animal too.

So that was a big hit for you to take. Well, yeah. I mean, I do get given a lot of free drinks there. So I do take the party to my work. Well, you know, whatever keeps you out of the casino. Yes. Away from the pokies. Yep.

So, anyway, last night, Comedy Spleen. It's a, look, it's a glorified, it's a glorified open mic.

Man, I, the worst part of the job is, is, I'll do new gear but then at the end it runs on donation and someone's got to take the donation bucket

and stand at the door so that's me brutal so i'm standing there rattling the jug going hey guys thanks for coming if you want to chuck something in to keep the night alive and get the mc paid that's how the mc is getting paid um chuck something in here and people go by and look there's a great mix of people doing the right thing you're going i just saw two hours of comedy i saw tom ballard i saw a bunch of people so this great guy there in the middle trying out new jokes off a pad that was fantastic work about chairs and fucking stockings and bravery the balloons and yep the bravery of this man to not bother remembering his new jokes that was that was a hell of a night so I sit there with a bucket

and do that and look generally generally I go pretty good but then there's some times where I don't go that good and and it's

it's not the greatest feeling to be sitting there going can you it really feels like I'm a beggar I know you saw me on stage be real shit but can you put money in here you're there facing the firing squad

yeah so last night I went around the the front of the gig with the bucket. And the show hadn't quite finished yet. So a couple of minutes before it finished, I was about to walk in the door. And I saw this middle-aged couple walk out and they got to leave. And I'm like, oh, this old trick, this sneaky trick where you just walk out two, three minutes before the end. Yeah.

Some people do it. Doesn't count. Oh, yeah. Didn't see the whole show. Yeah, didn't do it. Doesn't count. Oh, yeah. Didn't see the whole show. Yeah, didn't see it. Didn't see the credits. Yeah, let's get out of here. We get forewarned that there's going to be the bucket.

So if we just get out of here. I'd love if movies worked that way. Right. If you can be out the door before the credits have started rolling, there's just someone there who's like, fuck, all right, here you go. He's 20 back. Hey, I didn't find out who killed him, so I didn't have to pay. So this couple come out two minutes before the

end and i'm like all right here we go so i shake the bucket hey guys if you want to chuck in you know i know you've left two minutes early but uh i still think it's worth chucking in and they go you said that exact phrase no i didn't i wasn't i was gonna say i wasn't i was just i'm already on their side if that's what you said i I wasn't. I was thinking it. That was in brackets. Hey, guys, you want to chuck in? And they go, and the guy turned around and goes, nah, that was fucking shit. Nice.

And I'm like, what? He goes, yeah, that was fucking shit. I go, oh, you hung around until 1028 to make that call. Nice one. And he's like, nah, nah nah it was shit and i go mate it wasn't shit it was fine and he goes no no no big defense it was fine yeah but like no i know what you mean i'm not gonna say yeah it was the best thing of all time because the way that it's set up is like i said it's glorified open mic. We genuinely give room for people that are new and stuff like that.

It's not the gala. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty sweet. It's a great room. Yeah, it's great. Great crowd. Blah, blah, blah. He's like, no, no, no.

Shit. And then he goes, and I'm standing there talking with Nina Oyama, friend of the show, Nina Oyama. And then the guy just goes, the guy's with his wife. And this guy's like 40, 45. And he goes, now, shit. First half was all right. Second half was shit.

Nice. Now, he has walked out halfway through the last act, meaning he's really only seen four acts. Of which two of them are myself and Nina O'Yama. Very nice. And he's just going, no, it was shit. But it was shit. And I go, it wasn't shit. It was fine.

He's like, nah, nah, no, good. Real, nah, no, it was shit. And I go, it wasn't shit. It was fine. He's like, nah, nah, no, good. Real, nah, no, it was shit. And I go, you know what? You're a fucking idiot. You're a complete fucking idiot. And then the wife chips in and is like, what are you talking to him like that for? And I go, because he just said five times in a row that the gig was shit. I reckon I'm allowed to call him a fucking idiot.

No, you're not. I reckon I am. I reckon you're both fucking idiots, actually. And the whole time, you've still got the jug just shaking in front of your glasses. Yeah. And I already had money in it, which is really good. I don't know how that happened. Yeah, great.

Someone had already chucked it in. I'm not sure whether it was mid-tirade or not, but someone had money in it. You just didn't see it. You just didn't notice yet. Yeah. So just someone who hadn't even been to the comedy, they just walked through and saw me berating a middle-aged couple and this fucking worth two bucks this guy needs ammo yeah so i'm like no i'm like no you you're you're fucked in the head actually and then it just went

back and forth what's nina doing while all this is happening yeah like nothing because the thing is i'm thinking this guy is directly like without saying it like being a coward about it but just going oh it's shit it's shit it, well, I'm part of it. Right. And so do you get to that at any point? No, no, no. Because I'm like, well, it's obvious. Yeah, yeah.

He should say it. He did bad. He should say it. Because what am I going to bring up and go, oh, but that's me. Yeah. I did good. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to argue with someone about how funny I am.

But did you go good? I went fine. I went all right. right okay it was all brand new yeah i reckon i probably did six brand new jokes and i reckon two to three of them are probably in the bank okay and the other three were probably not bad but didn't need a bit of work yeah one didn't work so six jokes yeah so you're on there for 20 minutes uh probably for probably seven minutes or something. Okay.

Yeah. So it just keeps going. And like, yeah, Nene's just sitting there, just the opposite of me, just placid. Well, these guys are going, that was shit. And she's sort of like, oh, well, who cares? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. And me going, no, I care.

Fuck you. And then they're like, oh, we're fucking leaving. And I'm like, you were leaving anyway. What are you fucking talking about? Leave then. Go. Oh, fucking leaving. And I'm like, you were leaving anyway. What are you fucking talking about? Leave then. Go. Oh, my God. And then they go.

And then I'm like, see ya. Fuck off. And then the woman turns around and goes, I'm going to be leaving a rating on the internet. Oh, hell yes. And it's just me yelling down the street, fucking go for it. Did you notice how this place is fucking full? It's been like this for 11 years. Do your worst, you fucking moron.

Oh, no. We've got to keep an eye out for this review. Oh, no. I wonder what website. Fuck, I hope it's like... By the way, I love how you're trying to... You kind of many times reference to their age. Middle age, this guy, 40, 45.

No, it's just a description. That's you. That's not an insult. It's a description. The reason I bring it up is because like if it's a kid you go okay they just don't get it this country no better yeah yeah this is literally how it works when you're doing the jug on the way out when you see people of that age you go here we go money in the bank because you got you you got your 18 year olds walking out from backpackers or just kids well yeah monday night yeah the people that are are out and able to have the lifestyle where they can be having beers on a Monday night. Yeah, they're nursing a beer all night.

You get a couple of 40, 50-year-olds. You're like, these guys have got no excuse. They're used to going to things. They're used to paying for things. You're a good chance of getting a 20 out of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let alone getting a 45-year-old couple walking out going, nah, that was shit. That free gig I went to on a Monday night where I saw Tom Ballard hop up.

Yeah. Nah, no good. That was shit. You should be at the fucking ballet or something, your old cunts. Yes, exactly. Screaming at them down the street is great. I'm putting you on the spot here, but have you thought at all, what do you think will be the first life lesson that you teach your daughter when she's old enough?

Have you thought about this at all? I don't know. What are the burning things that you feel like it's most important to impart to a child? I would subvert that question quickly just because it raises a good point. I've been thinking now that I've got a daughter to provide for or whatever, I've got to start pulling it in, this sort of behavior, because it's like I had another one of these the last Thursday as well. I'm so happy to hear this. I could cry.

I honestly didn't think this was ever going to come. Needless to say, I've just lost a sweep with some of our friends and peers. What was Thursday's one? Did you tell me about this? I don't think so. I don't know. They all run into one. At Euro, who was on?

Tommy Little dropped in. I think who was on? Tom Gleeson was headlined. Oh, Gleeson. No, you didn't tell me about this. Oh, just this guy. This guy was hanging off this girl in the foyer bit. Yep.

And then I was like, oh, they must be together. And I just noticed him sniffing this girl and the girl was like looking a bit weird about it and then he walked off and i go is that all good and she goes no i don't know who that is and i'm like but he was sniffing you he goes and she goes yeah i don't know who it is i'm like fucking hell then the guy walks in he's already walked past me he walks in and then he starts yelling out at tommy little on stage then turned around, he was yelling at the crowd. And I go, right. And I just had to grab him and I just pulled him in and just had this big fight with him where.

Yeah, well, I mean, this is a way different scenario. No, no, but it's still another. Saying to someone, you are a fucking idiot. No, but it still ended in the same way where I'm screaming in someone's face. Yeah. And me going, shut the fuck up or get out of here and him just going no and i'm like going oh i'm gonna have a fight here i'm gonna have a physical fight here but i think there's a part of you where you i think a little part of you enjoys

these interactions uh i'm not showing away from them yeah but so i think it's the perfect storm where you work in a thing where these kinds of things are going to come up a lot. Yeah, but I think you can't say that, oh, you work in comedy. Of course, you're going to be fighting all the time. I don't think that's it. No, no, but I mean you're in bars late. You're in scenarios where there's like high volume of people, high volume of drunk people. So that stuff is going to be going on in that environment a lot more so than if you worked at an accounting firm, for example.

Yes, sure. And then if you are, as you put it, not shying away from them, well, there's a veritable treasure trove of riches to be found. So it really is, it's the perfect storm. It's fair. Yeah, look. Well, look, I'll defend myself in this way. Well, the first one, explain.

That's good. Yeah, that's totally,'re more than i mean they've got someone's like assaulting a girl in a stairwell like of course get in yes that and then and then the spleen one is like he's having a crack at me and nina yeah at the front and i'm like well fuck you you know i'm not sure i'm not trying to punch him or anything yeah but i'm just going well you can't just go on the front foot and go, you guys are shit. I'm allowed to go, well, you're a fucking cunt. Fuck you. Right.

I mean, that is probably, I think that's where the turning the other cheek would probably begin for most people. I reckon that's a pretty hard cheek to turn when someone is saying over and over. Yeah, of course it is. Someone is saying over and over, that was shit. That was shit. Yeah. And I'm going, mate, pull your head in.

He's like, nah, that was shit. Well, sorry, you've said it three times in a row. You've just conjured the genie. Sure, but I mean, you've got to be selective, you know? Well, I think if I had other choices, that would still be the one I selected to go off on. I think that's fair enough. Yeah. Look, if I'd have punched him, it would have been too far.

Well, yeah, true. Yeah. If I'm just screaming down the street, you're a cunt. If I'm following him down the street, that's, I mean, that's, that's a whisker too far, I reckon. No, I wasn't following him. I was just screaming. I was just yelling down the street.

I was just like, see, you cunts. It's great. Yeah. Just child at home. Yeah. It yeah it's so funny yeah it's so good yeah meanwhile i'm getting texts from my wife going when are you coming home i've just got some bit some business to attend to and then i'll be straight home the baby's up it's screaming blue murder no idea where it got this from Anyway Anyway So That's enough on that

Do we have any You mentioned it very briefly before The The new item that's back on the to-do list Do we have any movement on that On the wedding photos From last week We

No Nothing special No but basically i'm i'm getting the photos back and i'm getting who we mentioned andrew dude said duty our friend anyone for tennis uh to redo those photos again redo them again yeah yeah because we got well the original things that we were supplied with were sort of low res. Oh, okay, right. So we're getting the high res ones back. Ah, right.

So he's got to do the same job but on a different file. Yeah, but it's going to be, he's got all the templates of how to, of the filters and that set up. So it won't be. And is she, is she okay now with putting it into the book? No, not at all. No, okay. We're getting a refund for the book.

Okay. And we have to go and find our own book person. Okay. And get them printed again because she refuses to have the job done, what's the word, properly. Mm-hmm. So she's not on board with having the photos look nice, technical photo term. But yeah. So yeah, we have to sort that ourselves.

Mm-hmm. Still waiting on the photos to be sent to us. I'm a little bit – to be honest, I was like – I put it out there last week and was like, I don't know if I should have talked about this early because someone will fucking track down who this photographer is. Oh, you can't fucking – you can't trust anyone. No. So, waiting on those photos and then I'll get them done. And, yeah, that's – that's not any super news.

I'm sure we've by now already been ratted out by someone who listens to the show because of what we... Well, I haven't named anyone. No, no, no. A story that we told in this episode. Oh, right, right, right. No doubt. Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone keep your mouth shut. Yeah. Otherwise, you don't get any cool stories anymore. Yeah. There was... Yeah. Okay. Otherwise, you don't get any cool stories anymore. Yeah, there was... Okay, we won't talk about that. All right, all right. That'll do.

Let's get into it. Thanking the people that support the show on Patreon. You can, of course, find the link at... Oh, sorry. Can I do one more thing? Oh, good lord. Sorry. One little thing that we didn't talk about on the episode proper

is that we did do a show for Samui Island Radio. Oh, yeah. We haven't really talked about that at all, I don't think. No, so we recorded it while we were – no, we – did we? Oh, no, okay, we recorded an intro for it. Yeah, so we got over there. We had this dream for about a year now that we could go and we could do a shift on Samui Island Radio when we were back for the 2019 Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. It then turns out that the radio station is just a streaming online thing.

So we recorded a show specifically for them. Yeah, we really thought we were going to go over there and go into some building in Koh Samui and work on their radio station. We find out, I think it's just some pom guy who lives in Bangkok who just has this streaming station that goes- Who was back in England when he was talking to us. Oh, was he? I think so, yeah.

Yeah, right. Yeah. So then we just go, oh, we can do this thing. And he's like, yeah, here's all the codes how to hack into my radio station. Just do whatever you want with it. And we're like- We could have done it live. Yeah.

But I was like, I don't know what any of this is. And it's, I would feel bad taking this man up on this offer because we'll fuck it. Yeah, and also that's insane. Why give absolute strangers the details on how to get into your radio station and not ever get out again? Madness. Yeah. So we recorded a little show for him. I kind of think we finished it and went, I don't know if he's going to air this

at all. This is too stupid to put on air. We had a lot of fun doing it, which is probably a good indication that it's not fit for public consumption. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were just pretending to be really famous disc jockeys in Samui who have been doing it for 20 years. Yeah.

And the joke was that you're constantly making these suspicious trips back to Australia. Right. To see your back to Australia. Right. To see your secret Australian family. Right, right, right, right, right. So it was like an alternate universe version of this. Yes. Anyway, we thought, well, that's the end of that. Anyway, he was like, this is great.

It's like, you haven't listened to this. And I don't think you listen to anything else you put on your station. Yeah. But he loved it and put it on. Anyway, we put it on your station. Yeah. But he loved it and put it on. Anyway, we put it out there. If you're on our socials, you may have seen this, that we gave out the time of when it was supposed to be on. You guys then all tried to get on and watch it and broke his website.

Yeah. Crashed the service. Because the idea was that it would just go out. We liked the idea that if you want to listen to it, here's the time. You've just got to tune in. It's brand new content, not downloadable, not archived. Yeah, finally us on the radio. Yeah.

And then I think about actually three people managed to listen to it live because the servers crashed. Yeah. So we did put it out as an extra bonus thing for the Patreons this last month. Yes. For people that sign up to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club, they got that in their little Christmas stocking. Yeah.

Christmas in June stocking. So what a great advertisement it is to join our Patreon. Go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club, chuck in a few bucks a month, and you get all manners of little surprise, little bonuses. You get a magazine. You get a bonus episode. You get access into our little exclusive Facebook group

where we put dozens and dozens of videos when we were in Koh Samui and Copenhagen. Yep. Heaps. We try and put as much content as we can towards you guys to say thanks for all that sort of stuff. And it seems to go over pretty well. Can we just quickly say one thing I just remembered too

about Samui Island Radio? That guy, not only did he like what we sent and put it to go over pretty well. Can we just quickly say one thing I just remembered too about Samui Island Radio? That guy, not only did he like what we sent and put it to air, he now wants us to do that regularly. Yes. And he's like, yeah, and I'll find sponsors for you. We'll have ads on here. It's like, I don't know how you think this is going to work. I don't know what kind of profit share you envision us getting

from semen drink chipping into a web streaming radio station. A little part of me is very interested in doing it, but also the other part of me is like, I don't have time to fucking do two versions of the same show every week. Well, I think he even at one point was like offering to just air this. Right.

So, I mean, that could be something. If we just send him these each week and he puts them to air, that could be cool. Yeah, sure. Or maybe we can do that. I don't know. Who cares? I don't think that guy cares either.

No, not at all. He's living the dream. I reckon we're the only people that have ever hit him up. Asked to do anything. Yeah. I think he's just loving the attention. Oh, you wouldn't have heard it. He sent me stings to put in from the radio station.

Right. And they're great. Right. Because they're just like over the top commercial radio. Oh, really? Yeah. They're really funny. About us?

No, no, no. Just generic. Right. Yeah. Right. Just like, oh, whoa. Samui Island FM. I'll try and find one.

Yeah. If you want to fill time really quick. Well, anyway, let's crack in. Yeah. Speaking of Patreon, you get all those bonuses. $5 tier. Samui Island FM I'll try and find one if you want to fill time really quick well anyway let's crack in speaking of Patreon you get all those bonuses $5 tier $10 tier

all those look at the website look at our website or look at patreon.com slash little dumb man club it is well worth it I in my humble opinion

and in the opinion of many others part of the deal is of course it's like a lottery system your name goes in the mix to potentially get read out at some stage using the unplanned title alternator that picks names out at random. We do a random amount of names every week.

This is the segment in which we do this, in which finally you can become semi, semi, semi, semi, semi famous by having your name read out and have us talk about your name for a little bit. So, without further ado, let's crack in this week. Thank you to... Should we talk about how many we'll do? Seems like a weird thing to talk about. I guess we just do them.

Oh, here we go. His third fight for the week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber number one for this week, Chloe Barbarich. Oh. Yeah. Barbarich. Barbarich. B-A-R-B-A-R-I-C-H.

Barbarich. Wow. It's not Barbarich, is it? Oh, maybe. Barbarich. I like it Barbarich better than Barbarich. Yeah, same. Barbarich. Chloe Barbarich is Rick. Barberich. I like it Barberich better than Barberick. Yeah, same. Barberich.

Chloe Barberich. Mrs. Barberich, Mrs. Bar-Barberich. Chloe. Good name. Yep. I like it. It's an attractive name. I agree.

Yeah. Completely agree. You can see too many mingers with Chloe for a name. Don't you think? Barberich has just got me thinking about... name. Barbara Rich has just got me thinking about... Barbara Rich has got me thinking about... Do you remember the time we went for lunch at Papa Rich? Yes.

We were just obsessed for a little while with the chain. Is it Malaysian? Oh, yeah. Malaysian food chain, Papa Rich. Yeah. Yeah, weird. But I'm trying to look up... Is Barbara Rich Italian? No, Spanish? Italian. I think it's Italian. It's Italian. Yeah, weird. But I'm trying to look up. Is Papa Rich Italian?

No, Spanish? Italian. I think it's Italian. It's Italian. Yeah, I think it's Italian. It is. It's Italian. Weird, strange name.

I like it, but it just doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't. It is one of those ones that doesn't leap out as being attached to any specific ethnicity. You're right. You could hear that it's French and go, oh, yeah. Yeah. I'd buy it. You could hear someone says it's Spanish.

I'm like, okay, that makes sense. But no, it's Italian. Or even German, you could convince me. But it's not. It's Italian. I don't mind it. I'm really into it I'm not against it

Barbaric It's certainly one that I didn't have to make a call of going Have we had that one on before? Yes Absolutely not Yeah, you're right Absolutely not And she's probably thought in submitting this

Oh God, I'm going to cop it over this The boys are going to have an absolute field day with this one But instead we're just lighting up. We love it. Yeah. We're entranced by it. What about this? Look, I've already been in this position before, Tommy, obviously, but you haven't.

What if you have a daughter, right? What if you have a daughter? Do you give it a name? That, you know, like, oh, I like Chloe, you know, because Chloe that you know like i like chloe you know because chloe you know it sounds like a pretty hot name oh right i might give my baby daughter a hot girl name yeah yeah what do you think i think we've talked about this before yeah but so so then what are you trying to hint at with your daughter i nearly said it actually with your daughter's name right is that a name that you previously wasn't my choice found attractive or is that a name that i've only ever seen slappers with that i don't think i've ever met a girl with that name blanket

before so right yeah no i don't think I've ever met someone with that name before. You've never met someone with that name? I don't think so. Wow. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. But recently I have. Yeah.

Recently I have met someone who I know. Someone I know has gotten a new partner and they have that name. Yeah. And I'm pretty bad with names. Yeah. But now that I know someone with that name i'm like i'm using usually i'm not i don't give i don't call anyone by their name just in case i get it wrong yep this one i'm just absolutely leading with it every time but what about so maybe that's a good if you're bad with names if there's one name in particular

that you're very bad with yeah when you have a kid on the way yeah well i'll give it that name oh so then it'll stick out more yeah but either that or it'll very bad with when you have a kid on the way. Yeah. Well, I'll give it that name. Oh. So then it'll stick out more. Yeah, but either that or it'll look even worse when you forget your daughter's name. Baby old mate. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Baby big fella. Baby wabsy. Baby chief. Thanks, Chloe. Thanks, Chloe. Thank you, too. Patreon subscriber.

Sam Telfer. Telfer. Telfer? Yeah. What do you think the nationality of this name? God. Apart from Dumbtown. Yes. Weird.

Are you now trying to look up... Telfer. Origin of Telfer. Telfer is a mine site in the Pilbara region of Western Australia within the Great Sandy Desert. Telfer was previously the state's most isolated town, located 1,300 kilometres northeast of the state capital, Perth. Where we're going soon. Yeah.

In October. Yeah. Yeah, that seems to be where all the results of Telfer come from. This fucking mine in WA. So this guy's named after a mine. This guy's dad is a mine. I'd like to think the lineage goes back a little bit further than just one generation. Well, maybe his mum's a mine.

Yeah, right on, dude. Right on. Can't give it that name because I want to fuck that mine. Weird name. It is a weird name Was he named after The same thing that the mine was named after Yeah

Because it is the name of a mine And that's all that's coming up Well that's I mean He does He subscribes to us on Patreon So he's from money Big mining family maybe

Fuck Now I'm going to look up how much he subscribes for Telfer Dynasty If we're not getting 3k a week off this cunt. Yeah. Oh, it's 10 bucks. Damn. That's, I mean, that's in the upper echelon.

Yeah, yeah. It's okay. But I mean, if you're from the Telfer Dynasty, where you're just below the Reinhardts. Right. Which I presume this family is. Should be, you know. Should be, you know. But again, you know. This is sort of, in comparison to how much he should be putting in.

Yeah. This is sort of like two cunts walking out the front of Spleen and going, that was shit, I'm not putting any money in. But you don't maintain that kind of wealth by just, you know, chucking it around willy-nilly. Right. He's generously, you know, it's self-interest. It's like, I can afford to get the bonus episode as well.

I'm not just getting the magazine. He's just looking out for himself. He's just making sure he gets the most out of it. There's no need for him to be showboating around giving us. Maybe if the $50 tier was, you know, four extra episodes a week, he'd be on that one because he can afford it. So it's just canniness. Exactly. It's shrewd. Yeah. He's be on that one because he can afford it. So it's just, just canniness. It's just the way.

It's shrewd. Yeah. He's not, you know, you're, you're in the mine. You're not, you're not buying $700 gold shovels. Yes. There's no need for that. Yes. You just get the shovel that gets the proper job done.

Exactly. Yeah. You don't get a, you don't get a canary made out of diamonds to put down the mine shafts. Yeah. Right. Okay. I'm back on board now. All right, fair enough.

Just dead immediately. That's a bit of a waste. Yeah, yeah. And we've lost diamonds down... We've put diamonds down a mine shaft instead of pulling it out. Thanks to Sam and the Telfer Dynasty. Thanks, Sammy. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Tim Everingham.

E-V-E-R-I-N-G-H-A-M. Everingham. Hate this. Do you hate it? Not into it. I don't mind it. Tim Everingham. It's a fucking pain in the ass to say.

I like that ham is at the end. Yeah. There's a lot of hoops you're jumping through with that last name. Everingham. Everingham. Everingham. It sounds like a vocal exercise. Yeah, that last name. Everingham. Ever, Everingham. Ever, Everingham. Everingham. It's like a vocal exercise. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Evering, Everingham. Everingham. It's almost using all the parts of your throat and mouth, if you know what I mean. It's like if you've got that in Scrabble sitting in front of you, you're like, Jesus Christ. I think it would be a... Look, you know, when we do do merch here when we sell t-shirts and hats and all that sort of stuff that you can find at our website we've got hats we've got singlets all that stuff um i i'm the one who writes it all out that does all the packaging

and whatever you get a few of these names and you're like fucking hell see I reckon if you get rid of the very start of it and it's just Ringham, that's all right. What about Tim? It's an improvement. I like Tim Evering. Tim Evering? Yeah. That's all right. Tim Evering.

We've done this before, just workshop how someone could make their name better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By dropping bits of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's work out a real name for Tim Everingham. Tim, well, Tim I'm never a huge fan of, to be honest. Yeah. So let's start with that.

So I feel with Tim it's not quite the same, but similar thought to how you feel about Carl with a little C. Yeah. It's so close to Tom. I completely agree. It's like my enemy, but to me it's the boring version of Tom. I'm absolutely with you little C. Yeah. It's so close to Tom. I completely agree. It's like my enemy, but to me, it's the boring version of Tom.

I'm absolutely with you. Great. Absolutely with you. Tom has got a certain timber to it, whereas Tim doesn't have a timber to it. It's a bit of a wishy-washy version of. Yeah. It's like the no sugar Tom.

It's diet Tom. Yeah. Literally, because you've got a skinny little letter in the middle instead of a big fat one. Big fat gut of no. Yeah. All right. So let's upgrade it to Tom. It's Diet Tom. Yeah. Literally, because you've got a skinny little letter in the middle instead of a big fat one. Big fat gut. I don't know. Yeah.

All right. So let's upgrade it to Tom. Tom Ring. Tom Ring. I'm in. That's it. Tom Ring. Tom Ring.

Tom Ring. Legal. Legally binding. It's almost like toe ring. Yeah. Thanks, Tom. Thanks, Tom Ring. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

Let's change everyone's name now. Okay. We don't need to change Chloe Barberich That's pretty Really just You know It's good as is Sam Telfer Well

If we change that Then he's gonna have no Evidence that he's linked to the Telfer Mind Dynasty So we don't wanna fuck up his Well okay Well let's just fix his first name Instead of Sam Let's do the same trick And just to the Telfer mine dynasty. So we don't want to fuck up his... Well, okay. Well, let's just fix his first name. Instead of Sam, let's do the same trick and just...

Som. Som. Som Telfer. Nice. Yep. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mitch Raymond. What's going on this week?

Where did he get these names from? Did I accidentally hit the weird surname filter? Weird week. Yeah. Really weird week. Not Raymond. Raymond. Raymond.

Raymond up in two. Everyone loves Raymond. What's the first name again? Mitch. Mitch. Mitch I like. I don't mind Mitch. I quite like Mitch.

Happy to change it to Motch, but still. I'll let this one slide. Okay, right. I reckon we just change it to Raymond. Mitch Raymond. Mitch Raymond. See, now that's good stuff. Mitch Raymond Gomertree.

Montgomery. Raymond. Someone has spelt something wrong along the way. You hear those stories about someone's got this name because four generations ago, some fucking idiot didn't know how to drive a byro and spelled their name wrong and then that just changed the yeah yeah just changed the trajectory of the of their family from then on well immigrant families as well getting when they come to another country and being being fucked over at the border oh the person just like writing down a wrong name right

yeah yeah do you reckon that's what happened? Someone came in, this immigrant Raymond family. Yeah. And they want to sound so ethnic and changed it to Raymont. I reckon it was meant to be Ray Mitchmont. Ray Mitchmont. And they're just at border control and they've just got it all the wrong way around. Right.

So now in this country, he's Mitch Raymond. Maybe his name is supposed to be Raymond Mitch. What a possibility. Is that all the variations? I think so. I hope so. I have to say, I like Ray as a first name. Me too.

Having said that, our friend Ray. Taints it for you? Yeah, a little bit. A little bit? A little bit. That's a cool name. Then I look at him and go, well, he's not cool. I think he's pretty cool.

He's got a certain charm to him. Sure, but there's something wrong with him. Oh, for sure. Yeah. You can have something wrong with you and still be cool. Give me an example. Hmm. Well, you've put me on the spot here.

Quentin. me an example hmm well you've put me on the spot here uh quentin no further questions right cool tarantino right yeah yeah yeah and putting the n word in all these scripts so much still a cool still makes cool movies. Kill Bill. Effortless. Stylish. Great. Well, you've answered that. Any more brain busters?

I hope not. Thanks, Mitch. Thanks, Motch. All right. Okay. We've just got one more this week. Okay. I think we've gone on long enough.

I think we've gone on more than long enough. Yes. Too long is another way of saying that. Here we go. Let's just do one more. Cut it off here at four or six or whatever it is. Pass. Wow.

Weird. Wow. Weird. Okay. Well, yeah. I guess that old saying, you know, always happens in fives. But, like, it feels like... The comedy rule of five. You know, we've had four sort of very odd surnames in a row. Not, like, fantastically odd, but just having having like, you know, like one little bit off or

whatever it is. Not crazy, but enough to make you go. Yeah. It's just like a bizarro version of another name. Yeah. Sort of. Anyway, there's a touch of that in this. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mr. Cometty.

Weird. Mr. Cometty? Yeah. As in like... C-O-M-E-T-Y. As in he's a slightly a comet. Yeah. Comety yeah as in like C-O-M-E-T-Y as in he's a slightly a comet yeah

comet-esque not a fool yeah comet-esque like he's he's burning through the sky yep um

but he's not in space I think he's just in the sky maybe well or it's like they see it coming to earth and normally it'd be like oh a comet's heading for earth this could be bad news but with that they're like they know immediately they're like nah he's just in the sky maybe. Or it's like they see it coming to Earth and normally it'd be like,

oh, a comet's heading for Earth. This could be bad news. But with that, they know immediately. They're like, nah, it's just comity. It's no real risk. It's not a comet. It's just comity. Yeah.

I think if it's not in space, it's just in the sky. That's comity. But it's not a comet. Barbara Rich. Mr's comity. But it's not a comet. Barbara Rich. Mr. Comity. All right, I'm putting a big cross through this one on the to-do list. That's one chore done for the day. Never to-do again list.

To-do better. To-do practice. To-do not be a shit cunt. To do, write better things before hitting record. Get the highlighter out because that one's important. There's a couple of rings going around that one. All right. Thanks, everyone who supports us on Patreon.

Very much appreciated by us. You can sign up at littledumbdumbclub.com. There's a link there. There's also links to all the tickets for shows that we have coming up. Sydney, Newcastle, Perth, all on sale now. Also, a whole bunch of new merch. We've got hats. We've got singlets.

Chip in for the Run Melbourne Newcastle. We will see you next week. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.