The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 457 - Ronny Chieng & Nazeem Hussain

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Rotten RONNY CHIENG is back in the country and he's granted us a last minute podcast with NAZEEM HUSSAIN! Tommy gets his appearance dissected, we learn about Karl's anger management through the history of an infamous figure in Melbourne comedy PLUS we hear about the events surrounding the after party of Ronny's sold-out Melbourne show! SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm.NEWCASTLE! It's our first time doing a podcast in your city. July 28, 5pm.PERTH! We're coming back with our yearly massive show. October 13, 4pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Ronnie Chang and Nazeem Hussain. We have a couple of quick announcements up the top. We are doing a show in somewhere we've never been before, Tasmania. We are doing a live podcast in Hobart, November the 23rd. It's only just gone on sale. It's already half full with barely any press from us. so get on that quickly if you want to come. We also have a bunch of other live shows coming up. Carl, what are they? Sydney, 27th of July. Newcastle, 28th of July. Perth, 13th

of October. All of them selling very, very well if not close to selling out so get on it right now. Yeah, a little Dum Dum Club for tickets. That's where you can find all of that stuff. We will see you at the end of the episode for a bit more chat, including stuff about our Patreon. But until then, enjoy this brand new episode with guests,

Ronnie Chang and Nazeem Hussain. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little D-dum club for another week. Fuck! Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. I'm so tired. With me, as always, the other half of the program.

Exhausted. Ronnie Chang. No, no. That's me, Carl Chandler. Fuck you. Say the catchphrase. Man, man. And welcome in this rotten Ronnie Chang and this is Nazeem Hussain

You're trying to kill yourself On this chair Tommy I know I know Can we talk about What Tommy looks like right now One word What word would you

One word I got a couple You look like One word And then you can elaborate from there You look like a hipster fisherman So just hipster You look like Someone remade Home Alone

and you're the 2019 version of the Wet Bandits. Oh, right, but just merged together as one guy. You look like you work at the Apple Store. No, no, he looks like he's... No, he looks like Steve Jobs because he looks like he has cancer. For people at home, Tommy has new glasses. Yep. How do you describe the glasses? When I say new glasses, has new glasses. Yep. How do you describe the glasses?

I mean, when I say new glasses, you have glasses. Yeah. So you now wear glasses all year round, right? Yeah, I guess. I mean, I haven't done a full year in them yet. Right, right, right. Maybe I'll lose them in a week. That's the plan.

That's the plan. Yeah, yeah. The plan is to do 52 weeks and then I'm going to chuck them into the ocean. It's like dry July. It's like I can't see 2019. Yeah, exactly. Are you short-sighted? I have astigmatism.

That's why it's weird on the edges. Yes, I think. I don't know what it means. Isn't it something where like it's just going to get worse in your life, right? It's a weird shape or something. I think that's what it means. I checked out. She started explaining it and I was like, I don't care.

Just give me the prescription. Right. Just give me them glasses. You gave up on your body at this point you're like yeah exactly right another way

which is falling apart yeah yeah yeah just give me the give me the solution and I'll just use it right in this case it was these clear glasses

is that right yeah but the glasses are whatever but I'm talking more about this double knit you have going on of knit beanie and

beanie and then knit yeah jumper I'm starting to see the fisherman element of it I've just never seen a fisherman with clear knit you have going on of knit, beanie, hobo jumper thing. Yeah, jumper. I'm starting to see the fisherman element of it. I've just never seen a fisherman with clear. And a fisherman

with an Apple watch as well. Yeah, yeah. So is that where the Apple store thing comes from? No. The fact that I'm wearing

one of the products? No, no, I didn't even see the Apple watch. Honestly, you just look like someone. It's the cool

cutting edge tech vibe that gives you that impression. No, it's not that. It's this fucking try hard hipster look. Now, what do they call it? Do you just call it clear frames? Is that what you call it. No, it's not that. It's this fucking try-hard hipster look. Now, what do they call it? Do you just call it

clear frames? Is that what you call it? I guess, yeah. Right. Yeah, that's the style. That's what you call it. Why'd you go that and not the traditional

not clear, like the opaque? I don't know. Just like them. Why do you have every physical element of a 60-year-old man? Why do I have

the physical element? Well, the next move is going and getting my hearing checked. I think I've, I think I'm actually in need of a hearing aid. You clean your ears though. I feel like you are. You're going to get a clear hearing aid as well.

Hearing aids, hearing aids sound fucking sick now. Someone was telling me they're like, they're Bluetooth. So you can just use it as a headphone. You just, you can just use the hearing a headphone. You just get into the AirPods and just use the hearing aid. And you can actually...

And you can pipe your music in. People cheat on exams with hearing aids, because you can basically have an audio... Take calls on them and stuff. Well, like a 12-year-old has a hearing aid, and just going, yeah, cool, I have a hearing aid. Yeah, you basically can play whatever you like. You can be in a conversation with someone.

It's like Bluetooth. That deaf child is a genius. He hates all his tests. No, some kids have hearing aids. Do they really? Yeah, yeah. It's called an incocular implant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not common though, is it? It can't be common. It's not uncommon. But there are people in the world that are kids that are deaf. It sounds hard to believe. You think there are

no deaf kids in the world? I don't think so. What about if a bomb exploded next to a kid? I've never met one. I've never met one. I've never met one. No. I'll believe it when I see it.

I'll believe it when I see it and they don't hear it. They don't hear it. Tommy won't be able to believe it because he can't see it. I won't be able to see it. Is it because you masturbate too much? Yeah. We are the masturbatorium. Because when Carl asked me to come tonight, I go, where is it?

And he said, it's at Tommy's Masturbatorium. It's been given a bit of a nickname over the last couple of months, so that's what we've been referring to. Why, you don't have a girlfriend or what happened? Are you single? Yeah, I'm single. Are these glass, what do you call them? They're not.

Window. Are they supposed to be coloured like as in clear? Yeah, yeah, no, they're clear and now they're cloudy because of all the car. Yes. If that's what you're asking, yes. I'll try as in clear. Yeah, yeah, no, they're clear and now they're cloudy because of all the calm. Yes. If that's what you're asking, yes. I'll try to get there. That drum set isn't even, that's made out of sperm as well.

We didn't buy that. But Nazeem, you first time in here, right? This is my second time in here. Is this my first or second time in here? No, you've been here before. You came here like the day after I moved in and I had like no furniture. This place looked like shit when I first came here.

Yeah, and looking at Tommy's face, you would think that this place looks like... It's not his. Yeah, it doesn't match's face, you would think that this place looks like... It's not his. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't match. This place is way nicer than his face.

Absolutely. Is that... His face doesn't match. Is that how interviews work in New York? Yeah. You walk in, they go,

your face doesn't fit this apartment. Come on, man. You're talking like you don't agree that this apartment is way too nice for Tommy Dazzler?

I think this is a nice apartment. This is a fucking nice apartment, man. Yeah, it's a nice one. Yeah. And it's a very good location. Yeah, I don't understand. Right across from the MCG. Don't give out the address. This is an obsession of yours.

It's a massive street. Every time. In fact, even if I give out the number of the building, there's still how many apartments in there? I am pretty secure. Like, you can't get through the, you know, the wiper and everything. Don't say the number.

They know it's in the hundreds and the sixties. It's Jollymon Station. I sleep in the bin at Jollymon Station. That would suit your face. It's a nice bin. Thank you. If what you wore was a little dirtier, you would look homeless.

Right. Because it's a homeless look. But to be fair, it's also your face that also looks homeless. It is a cool homeless look. It is like a nice upmarket homeless look you know what he's doing to his beard

that's kind of like you know he's lining up your trimming number one right firstly and then you're also lining up like you're shaving above the beard

oh I'm trying to yeah yeah yeah I've done a bit of sculpting but that's good I just did that just before yeah you can do

you do that too but this is a new look for you man this is like that's why I was so wild when I first saw you. I was like, you look at the Apple store.

Well, I mean, the glasses are a new look, but everything else is just, I'm wearing a jumper and a beanie because it's cold. Also the sculpting of your facial hair and everything. Why do you think homeless people

work at the Apple store? Isn't this a thin line between being hipster and homeless? It's just like a very thin line of like cleanliness. Skipping up. Yeah, yeah. Or reliance on something.

The running joke is that Tommy relies on his mum or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Homeless people rely on society's generosity. Right, right, right. So for this concept to work, he'd have to be begging out the front of a train station and his mum walks past every last time to chuck in a couple of hundreds. Yeah, that's what I do.

I sit out the front of my mum's house with the ukulele and a little upside down hat. Just in the suburbs in like a cul-de-sac begging outside of her house. What's the process for you to get your mum's money? Do you ask? Do you send an email? A text? I don't get my mum's money anymore. This apartment doesn't match your home.

This is how well the podcast, for people at home, this is how well the podcast is going. Tommy no longer gets money off his mum. It's still a line in the sand under that one. The last time you got money from your mum, how did you get it from her? Oh, do you get cash or transfer? When was the last time I borrowed money from my parents?

I don't know. It would have been... It legitimately was a very long time ago. But it would have been just a bank transfer, me going, I'm going to borrow some money. We've all been there. Is your mum... I can't remember that ever happening in my life.

She's au fait with bank transfers and stuff like that, like online. Yeah. My parents know how to use a bank. Online, though. That's cool. Online. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, she would have been.

Were you awksed? Did you feel a bit weird asking her for money? Oh, of course. So did you think about how you drafted the text? Did she call you straight after you text? Oh, no. That's an in-person conversation. Was there an emergency?

What happened? Do you give reasons for it? This was, again, this was ages ago. Do you just say it's happened again? I've done a whoopsie. I've become my face. I've done a whoopsie in my bank account.

Fuck. Alright, alright. She's like your Patreon she was she was pre-Patreon she paved the way for Patreon except she didn't

get any benefits out of it no I drew a little magazine every month oh yeah that's cool that's cool you stopped calling her

that was the benefit yeah get this guy off my ass yeah yeah well anyway Ronnie's dressed like the Unabomber or something. It's pretty rich for Ronnie to do.

Ronnie's been masturbating in some bushes down the park. He's about to shoot up a high school. I'm just wearing a dress code. You know what happened? I went to my wife's nephew's three-year-old birthday party. It was a bunch of kids at the Melbourne. And you dressed up as a flasher

I wore a dress going to this kid's party party for a kid surrounded by kids in the museum yeah it was fine only got the police

calling me once or twice nice well you just did a big you did a big stadium show last night a big theatre show last night

two oh yeah two back to back I came along I went along with Thanks for coming man Thanks for getting me the ticket No anytime

You can't hit me directly I'll hook it up We had to get an oxygen tank up there Up in the heavens Where you got me the ticket Oh that's where it was Yeah like a Sherpa Sent me up to my seat

It was alright So you It was good though It was good It was good Me and a friend of the show Milan We come along Milan

You got Crazy Milan to come Yeah Crazy Milan And yeah It was a good show I know I along Milan you got Crazy Milan to come yeah Crazy Milan and yeah no it's a good show I know I appreciate it I got some notes I'll tell you later

please I got a message from Beck Sutherland you know my manager oh yeah she said Jenny Hong who worked with her

was crying laughing oh fuck okay yeah and Jenny's come to my show thanks man she just looks completely dry eyed

but we went we went and had I wasn't sure about the show you know I wasn't sure so thanks for I'm glad people liked it

no I liked it I think it was like the best thing you've done wow not saying much and he's not crazy with agents he's been on the Daily Show

yeah I've never seen any of that though but this was good wow thanks no I appreciate it that's some good jokes me and Milan were laughing out loud

that's good that's good but yeah anyway I don't want to get too into the thing I'm like in between hours right now you know when you just when you're writing a new one and good That's good But yeah I don't want to get too into the thing I'm like in between hours right now You know when you just

When you're writing the new one Yeah yeah And you do it in front of 2,000 people Yeah yeah I know what it's like We've all been there No thanks yeah So yeah

I still compare it to The last hour that was I had it pretty tight And so anyway No it's good Yeah this is coming And thanks for the kind words I don't even know what to

it's very off brand on this podcast yeah yeah yeah it's very off brand people I'll make up for it soon it's fine don't worry about it

I can hear the listeners yelling give him the notes now then oh yeah yeah yeah I did make one note actually yeah please give him the fucking notes I wish I could say something bad

but it was good it was good thanks man but we went to you invited us to yes you had a bit of a drink. Can I just say one thing on that, by the way?

Please. Carl has never come to any of my shows, ever, and he's in the same city. For good reason. I've come and done his rooms. I book you at my rooms, and I see that every time. Yeah, why don't you come to your show? He's helped me with jokes as well, and he doesn't come and see the, and I don't want to ask him because that's awkward.

Just like he didn't invite me to his wedding, you can't ask him. Have you ever thought about going to his show? Why would he go to your show... And I don't want to ask him because it's awkward. Just like he didn't invite me to his wedding. You can't ask him. Have you ever thought about going to a show? Why would he go to your show? I really don't know. In your crowd, he's the enemy. Nah, man.

I would make him part of it. I would make him part of it. Well, I'll come. I'll be front row. I'll be front row next time. So you're going to come to my show next year? Yeah, I'll come.

But I see all your stuff when you come and do my rooms. You know what's different, man. You know what's different. Okay. Is it different? I don't know. How is it different? Yeah. I'm working during the Comic Fest. Well, you'll know if you come. do my rooms you know what's different is it different I don't know how is it different

I'm working during the comic fest you'll know if you come I don't expect anything from you Tommy you'll have to ask your mum for a fucking I've sent my parents

to see you so in a way you've gotten money off my parents you fucking scab I don't even need to message why did you send

your parents to go watch him because I thought they'd enjoy it you're as bad as him now you're getting money off his parents as well. I just said that.

But have you sent your parents to see Ronnie's show or Carl's show? They've been to see Carl a couple of times. Yeah, way back in the day. It's not really their speed. I don't expect them to enjoy me doing jokes and someone screaming at me off the side of the stage. It's not my demo. Yeah.

Thank you, Mum. I will. We went and saw Ronnie and then we organised, we saw your lovely wife out the front and you had her selling socks out the front of your show.

So we talked to her and then she said you were going to go and have a bit of an after party at a bar. I know you're getting to this thing but also I just want to say I was just with my wife and she said you had a very nice conversation. Yeah, she said you were going to go and have a bit of an after party at a bar. I know you're getting to this thing but also I just want to say I was just with my wife

and she said you had a very nice conversation. Yeah, she said that. Very off-brand conversation. You said very nice things about me. No, no, no. I enjoy talking to your wife because she's like

your carer or whatever the fuck situation it is because she's like super lovely and you're insane. So it's like nice to... What do you mean? I'm insane and you're talking like

all four people in this room aren't fucking crazy. We're all crazy. That's why it's so weird when people are mean I'm insane you're talking like all four people in this room aren't fucking crazy we're all crazy that's why it's so weird when people are sincerely nice we get like weird like what are you doing

I actually don't know how to take compliments yeah I don't know how to take kindness anymore well that's why I don't turn up I wouldn't mind

a bit of that at this company I'd settle for it it's a nice apartment Tommy thanks Carl I can see through your glasses perfectly as well.

Thanks, man. That's the point. Tommy plays the roast perfectly. He plays it perfectly. We roast him and he just goes, you know, he just talks about his problems. You ask him how he asks money from his mom, he just tells you.

Yeah, yeah. He doesn't get defensive. There's a certain friend of mine who gets paid a lot of money by me who's going to have a pretty in-depth conversation about this with me tomorrow, but anyway. Is it a friend or is it an employee? It's an employee. Right.

Yeah. Cool. I don't know though, Ronnie, because Tommy goes back at people good. Like he's good at this. But there's something about you. You're the kryptonite to his superman. Really? There's something about you that he doesn't defend himself.

It's like he's boxing. He just puts his hands down. I think with you, you know, like with with most people when friends give each other shit, there's an element of like, well, I wouldn't say this about you if I really thought it was true or if I didn't like you. But you're one of those people where I'm like, I think you might not actually like me. Like quite genuinely, you leave me going,

I honestly don't know where I stand with this guy. I don't know if it's coming from his insides. Any specific incidents that has given you that impression. The last 20 minutes. Being called homeless repeatedly. You apple hipster fuck. That's what we do on this thing. We give you that shit.

You were super nice, man. You gave me a lift once. That's true. You gave me a lift when you were in the car. That's so nice. You told me about your car. You were in the car. We were talking about your show.

That show was the one on Vegem Mike or whatever the fuck it was about. It was from Felix Bar Comedy. Yeah. He gave me a lift. It was cool. That's the other thing about you. You have the most comprehensive memory of anyone I know. The kind of bullshit details that you remember.

Your little filing cabinet of things that you have filed away at people. What's the earliest memory you have of carl oh great question earliest memory of carl was going to spleen of course and then um looking at spleen comedy on monday night spleen comedy monday night you were running the open mic everyone said it was the mic to be at it was in the big city where it was a a crowd that could be like real crowds, not just fucking weirdos. This is like the big city crowds. Anything can happen. Meaning if they like you there, you can make it anywhere.

I remember thinking. Trevor Noah's in the crowd. He's the comedy seller of Australia. Yeah, I remember seeing. And you know the drill is you watch the whole show and then at the end you beg for a spot by sucking his dick. Yeah. I only ever enforce that once with Ronnie so I'm a guy

who respects the process so I waited you know I watched the whole show I was there the whole show and then at the end I lined up with a bunch of other desperate fucks

on their knees on their knees to suck this guy's dick. On the set of Risky Business and Tom Cruise was coming out or something. And then I remember thinking, man, this guy's face is a really weird shape. It's like a moon face.

It's like a crescent. It's a country Australian face that he's got. Country Australian face for sure. But this guy, a crescent is like a hat. Thank you, soul of the earth. It's not symmetrical, you're right. Soul of the earth Yeah No one's ears No the chin is

Coming Comes out a bit It's a crescent moon Yeah yeah yeah I feel like we're straying away From the split No but it is Are you?

No no I'll allow it It is crescent moon He's got stubble But it's The stubble is like In crevices Yeah yeah You can't

You know like I don't know how he shaves Cause there's Yeah he has to He has to like Stretch his skin out Yeah he has to I don't know how you shave How do you shave? You can't You know like I don't know how he shaves Cause there's Yeah he has to He has to like Stretch his skin out Yeah he has to I don't know how he shaves

How do you shave? You don't You don't shave There's angles going on I do I only have it at the moment Yeah your face It's very sharp

It's very sharp There's like Stuff sticking out The chin Angular Yeah and so That's my first thing You just

You lined up to get a gig And you thought How does that guy shave? Yeah yeah I was like Your face How does your face exist

because there's weird angles happening that's how you got on the list at Splend so quickly you gave him a Gillette razor

oh did you neg Carl no no no I don't remember hey Carl nice to meet you whoa what's wrong

with your face as soon as he got the gig then he went me yeah did I give you the gig

I can't remember obviously I performed there eventually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you were. You were. You.

Yeah. You were in your booking mode. Everyone's begging you for a spot. I've heard. I've heard like. But you weren't rude. You weren't. It was just like.

Oh yeah. Just do this. You gave me some instructions. Okay. I'll just do that. I just remember hearing about Carl before I ever met him. Yeah. From like other comedians.

And some like open Michael. It's like he's dead. You know. But basically people are like. Oh man. Carl's really tough man he's a real he's a real difficult guy if you can get if he can reply to your messages that's that's the start and stuff yeah like you've got a you had a reputation and then I've actually told people who like oh you know I've gone to Tasmania and done gigs and you know other states and people are like I've ever come to Melbourne I'll hit you up again yeah hit me up I'll get you some spots at rooms if you

like I'll introduce you to I'll you know introduce you to Carl who runs a couple of rooms and they're like oh Carl he's a tough guy you know and then they start

describing you in ways I've never seen before yeah they start asking you how I shave and stuff yeah do you know that you've got that reputation

yeah a bit of a harder people have told me that you've yelled and stuff like that I've never seen that yelled at yeah well

I mean everyone yells but it depends if it's worth yelling at. Yell at someone. I've yelled at people before, but not for good reasons. Like people you work with. Yeah, for good reason, for sure. Because I've never worked at a job

where it's normal for, like, a colleague to yell at another colleague. Well, you've never done anything wrong, so well done for not being yelled at. Well done. That means you're doing your job right. Do you apologise? Or is it not...

No, I don't think I've ever... I hope I don't Oh sorry No if I yell at someone They need to be yelled at Well there's no HR in comedy So you can get away with it I hope I don't

Regret this statement But But But I do feel that Carl is quite Is quite fair He's quite fair Exactly

He's harsh but fair I'll take that Hard but fair I don't even think you're harsh I just think you're pretty fair I don't think you're harsh. I just think you're pretty fair. I don't think you're hard. I don't think you're... I've never seen you...

But he's kind of got that 90s firmness about him, which now, I don't... Like it doesn't really... A real Gordon Gekko. Yeah, like, you know, like... Yeah, like, you know, my mum used to smack me as a kid. Right.

And, you know, growing up, I don't know how you're supposed to discipline kids now. You're not supposed to psychologically discipline... Like, you... Right, right, right. I feel like your Way of managing staff Or comedians Yeah

Doesn't really suit the times Sure I disagree This is what I think I think Do you think Yes yelling at a comedian I think it's

If it gets them to do What they're supposed to be doing And it makes them But it depends on what it is He went like 20 minutes In a 10 minute spot He comes to you

And you're like Yo what are you doing But not just Yo what are you doing Yo what are you Like yelling I've yo What are you doing Yo what are you Like yelling I've heard you Screaming a yo

Is pretty great I don't know if I've screamed At anyone like that You just said you yelled How have you ever yelled Would you have screamed at anyone No No

You just said you yelled If someone comes in If someone fucks up And does way too long Or says something really bad And like makes people walk out Or whatever I go what the fuck are you doing

That's what I would do Is that actually how you do it Yes So i've come off late man that was a good gig sorry car thing i would have been over oh so if you've done role play if he goes on the front if he goes on the front foot and apologizes first oh that was sick that crowd was red hot man that was great man what the fuck were you doing that is you went fucking 20 minutes too long well it's a five minute spot there's no need to yell man shit get down and do what ronnie chang did 10 years ago and suck this dick you know i'm still recording from the sense so this is all evidence now also you don't have

to yell we're on this podcast as well shit uh yeah i don't think that's yelling no that's all right that's i'm pretty that's i with that Yeah I love how you're like It doesn't suit the times Like what am I No I just In my brain I thought that Like he closes the door

Or something No And it's just like You fucking You know Dude This is what I think In comedy

This is What I think People think I'm hard But maybe fair In some regards Because Everyone in comedy Is so fucked in the head

that everyone's like a man child everyone's a baby and so everyone just does whatever they want and then I come in

from the real world starting comedy at age 30 and go man what the fuck are you doing just do your job properly what are you fucking doing

you're right you're right you started when you were 30 Jesus how old are you now he's like 50 are you 43 why do I talk are you now? He's like 50 Are you 43? Yeah

Why don't I talk to you like From our generation Yeah he's way old man You're not even What are you? Generation X right? Yeah Yeah he's old

I was in singles How do you relate to half the things we talk about? Yeah I don't know When you say Like when you were talking about Apple before I was lost Yeah I don't know what that is

Are you a big fan of Tony Hawk? Yeah yeah yeah yeah totally okay he was a couple years under me is there a part of you that regrets not having kids earlier in life back in the era where you could just give him a good old fucking belting in the supermarket because my kid would be good for you i don't reckon you'd be i reckon you'd be having those kind of altercations with comedians if you had a 20-year-old son who you had just been beating the shit out of in public. You can still do that in other countries, though, if you really want to. He moves the family so that he can belt his kid. You can even just go on holidays.

You can do sex tourism. You can go on... This is probably a bad conversation, but if you really wanted to do stuff at other places... No, no, no. I've got comedians now to do it with So it's fine Yeah yeah yeah

I run an open mic People fuck up And then I just get to That's my That's my stress ball Okay what's the worst Kind of blow up you've had At a comic

Man there was A guy I had There's a guy Man And question Why did you blow up At Pablo Francisco

You just yell at all these Other nice comedians But you don't yell at the guy Doing Did you hear about this? He did the eyes and everything What? I didn't hear about this

We had a guy You know Pablo Francisco He's on the podcast He's done a lot of My people's voice He was doing you He was doing Ronnie face Right now I'm offending myself

Yeah I didn't yell at him Because his management Got us to do it And so I was being respectful Of the management True I wanted to be nice to the management

You were sucking his dick basically Yeah And that wasn't a gig That was a podcast Like you're not gonna turn the mics off And then go What the fuck was that No it's fair

It's fair enough Exactly Exactly Did he do it in context No Nothing He just brought it up in the context of

this will be funny me so sorry no we were talking about Hong Kong and he was like oh and everyone in the street you see is like John John John John

it's like fucking you guys really testing the limits of what does accept the podcast but we recorded it and then we sat down

and had a fucking hour breakdown of like going what the fuck just happened on the podcast yeah yeah yeah so you guys made it okay

yeah yeah yeah it's funny because I love how close we get to cancelled on this thing like there's stuff that happens on this thing it's not even me talking

it's just me being on a podcast with him saying some stuff it's like enough to get me in trouble man so this is you asked me

what's the worst what's the worst blow up so I think this is the worst blow up I've had there was a guy this is, you asked me, what's the worst blow up? So I think this is the worst blow up I've had. Okay. There was a guy, this is years and years ago, right? Tommy Dazzler.

He didn't have cancer and I yelled at him so much that he got cancer. I made up cancer to get even more money for my mum. The ultimate con. So there was a guy on

and he was, this is like early days of Spleen. So Spleen's Monday nights, it's a curated open mic night for people that don't know that are at home. And it's free. Yeah, it's free to get in. But, so it's like a mix of, you know, a lot of people have come up through, including Ronnie and Nazeem, not so much.

That's where I started. That's where I actually discovered comedy. Nazeem just started playing Town Hall, Full House of Stride Wave. No, no, we drove up. It was his first gig. But, you know, just plateauing. I think his mum hired out Town Hall Wave it was his first gig I think his mum hired out Town Hall

that was his first gig it's nice when you can just hit up the local mosque you've got a billion fan base take your shoes off at the door

there was just a lot of white guilt and they just gave him like 10,000 people at his first gig did you do your first open mic at the mosque

actually no it was our community I used to do this thing on Muslim camps called Nazeem Live remember Rove Live Yeah yeah

Oh what And so I'd be up there Basically like So there'd be like Infotainment And I'd be the info And I'd be like Doing the funny stories

About my family This that I thought you were Going to be the info And then I'd be like Alright so Please guys Welcome to the stage

A psychologist Who's going to talk to us About mental health And then I'd be You know So I'd be facilitating that And then someone else Would talk to us about the Prophet Muhammad. And then, you know, one time I was telling jokes about my mum.

Husey came on and lost it? Yeah. But that's how it started. Kind of at the mosque. Husey came on Salaam Cafe, which is a show that we did. Your Channel 31 show. One season on SBS. He came on and he basically said,

Oh, yeah, I'll convert to Islam. And on the show, we kind of converted him. We gave him a Muslim name from David. We called him Dawood. He is, to be honest, he is the one that always, if he sees something, he wants that. He doesn't want to miss out on anything. So he doesn't want to miss out on being Muslim. Because of that, he's like super well loved in the Muslim community.

People still remember that. I've heard he's read the Quran. Has he? Yeah. Okay, I didn't know that. He's like super well loved in the Muslim community. Really? People still remember that. I've heard he's read the Quran. Has he? Yeah. Okay, I didn't know that. He's actually read it. But he's not Muslim, which means he's come to different conclusions. Well, I think he's come to an incorrect conclusion.

I think he's read it so he knows he can have arguments about it. I think he's just done it so he can have arguments. I believe that there's people who do that. Yeah, yeah. If you read a Quran, just say it when people are like, you haven't read it. And they can be like, yeah, I did. Those are the worst people

because then it's like well that's Huzi I just want to tell the Muslim community that I love Huzi he's the best did you did you

was Prophet Muhammad hard to follow you know people some like real hardcore Muslims are like you're not brother making jokes yeah yeah yeah

but did he not go as well because you couldn't see his face on stage? You need for that to happen then. You better edit this bit out. Can you get Jason Chatfield to draw, live draw it as your... Oh, who was it that did that?

I can't remember. I remember I went to a gig once with some Muslims and... Oh, no, what's his name? Rod Quantock. He did this flipboard thing and he kept... And then it got to a picture

of the Prophet Muhammad and we're in Brunswick in Cobra, you know, Brunswick Green and a couple of Muslims were like, what the fuck? And they walked out. Wow. Quantock.

It's a thing, mate. Quantock. Man. That's like the don't say her name You can read the Quran, you'll get it. It's like the

don't say her name of the Muslim world. It's like the N word of the Muslim world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The prophet Mrs. Chandler. So the guy, so spleen, right? So this guy asked to be on.

This is the worst blow-up. Guy asked to be on, and he's been around for years. He's been around for years and years, this guy. And he's like pretty shaky, pretty sketchy sort of character. So he... Say no more. Yeah. So he gets on, and this is only like a year or two into running spleen, so I'm like, oh, this guy's like a senior character. So he... Say no more. Yeah. So he gets on

and this is only like a year or two into Running Splendid so I'm like, oh, this guy's like a senior character. He's like, you know, been doing it longer

than me. Sure, like he's got substance problems, obviously. This is not Greg Flake by the way. You're all thinking it. You're all thinking it.

To be fair, you just described a lot of people. And it's not Fiona O'Loughlin because you said he. No, no, no, no. It's no one that... No one's appeared

on the podcast and no one that anyone knows. And you'll get that towards the end of the story. He turned up dressed like I am right now. Yes. Without the Apple Watch. I think your Terminator style went back to like, I think I know who this is.

So he came in, he did this gig and we're like, oh, okay. Now this is like a year into Spleen or whatever when you're getting like special guests coming in and it's like this is the first time this has sort of ever happened and you're like

oh wow this is really cool that a big name is dropping down so Josh Thomas dropped in and like it was the first time

he'd ever dropped in and we're like oh man you know he was like height of popularity what an awesome thing to happen

so he was going to go on and this guy was going on just before him so this guy went on and did all this

insanely homophobic material was drunk was going on just before him so this guy went on and did all this insanely homophobic material she was drunk was sloppy was just abusive sorry did he know josh was coming yeah yeah oh he knew he just didn't think he just didn't think at all because he's an idiot a serious question though yeah josh came out when like uh because it was certainly a fairly recent thing from in my mind oh no no he was well and truly out for a long time by this point. He was definitely out by that point because this was a thing where I was going, what the fuck? Because Josh was about to... Then Josh had to go on and follow that after.

He had just this crazy guy just being homophobic and just insane and clearly affected by substances and whatever. I love your description before where you're like, he's homophobic and also he's a bit drunk as well he's saying slurs and he was slurring the fucking gumption

of this guy he can't even say that yeah yeah yeah he's slurring his slurs so he did that and then Josh was on and sort of had to go

oh god you know that was a bit weird and whatever and it's like you're going oh fuck you want Josh Thomas to come back but he's like

all he's seen of the gig is that and then he's come on after that and gone well I won't fucking come back to this gig again this gig sucks they just let whoever

on stage anyway so then that guy came back like weeks later or whatever and also he just rocked up no no no

so before he was on he hadn't turned up a few times as well just no show to the gig like booked but not showed up. Yeah, booked and then not showed up. So he'd done all that, then had this horror gig, and then he rocked up about a month later,

and it was just me and him in this room. And he walks in and he goes, yeah, yeah, I just want to come and get a gig. And I was like, cunt, you will never be fucking getting a gig in this room as long as I fucking run at you. And just went in for about five minutes, and this guy just like was all like tough guy

but then he just took it. He just absolutely took it and didn't say a word. Just like Tommy's been taken in today. Exactly. Yeah, like that. So then he just took it and I just went him crazily

about how much of a cunt he is and how he'll never be on. He's a fucking, I would never put up with that and it would show a bad example to everyone else. They could come on and be a shit cunt and all this sort of stuff.

Anyway, and he just sort of like whimpered and then sort of walked away and then he lost his mind and like started going crazy about me and getting on facebook and like trying to abuse but like blocked me on facebook but then was abusing me to everyone else and it's like okay cool like whatever anyway that guy within a year or 18 months became homeless yeah and so now this guy is like still homeless but he's got like so he's begging at the front of coals and stuff but he's still on facebook and people still send screenshots of of it to me that are like him abusing me on facebook and it's like still you've been homeless for like five years and i'm still your biggest problem oh my god

it's like i think i i think i pushed him into homelessness. That's it, in his head, that's exactly what's happened. You're where all the troubles begin. There's a moral dilemma here. I don't know what it is yet. But having said that, he was like being homophobic

and he had substance abuse. Okay, imagine fast forward and he was homeless and he said homophobic stuff. Would you have yelled at him like that? If he was a homeless comedian walking on stage and being homophobic.

Yes. Fair enough. Just because you don't have a house, that's not a get out of town thing. But if someone came up to me homeless and said, you Muslim, curry munching fuck,

terrorist, I'd just be like, here's 20 cents. But what if he walked into your house and said that that's not the analogy though that's not the analogy

this guy's not walking this guy's walking to a job yeah you're right I'm just sifting through I think I know

who this guy is there's not too many homeless comedians wait does this guy also sell drugs as merch yes okay yeah that's funny he used to sell are you serious he used to sell Wait, does this guy also sell drugs as merch? Yes.

Okay. Yeah, that's funny. Are you serious? He used to sell mushrooms on stage. He would say, if anyone wants to buy mushrooms, and people would laugh, he'd go, seriously. And then he would seriously say. And he also had a taser on stage as well.

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where'd you get a taser? I don't know. Also, are you worried? Through the underground homeless black market. Here's updates about life underground homeless black market. His updates about life being homeless

on Facebook, it's like one of those character accounts that people do online. He might be the next Kyle Sandilands though. No, he's not. Because he started off homeless

and he had obnoxious views as well. Yeah, but like bullshit homeless I think. A little bit. This guy's full time homeless. He doesn't go home at night. You can't be homeless and go home at night. Yeah, yeah little bit. This guy's full-time homeless. He doesn't go home at night. You can't be homeless and go home at night. Yeah, yeah.

Shit. This guy's been on the street for like five years or something. And I think initially he was like doing it and like sharing it online. Going, check it out. I'm pretending to be homeless. And a week later it's like, I'm actually homeless. Would you ever try and find him and reconcile with him on the street? No, absolutely not.

He still hates me, I'm telling you. He's still on Facebook and reconcile with him on the street no absolutely not he still hates me I'm telling you he's still on Facebook like blaming me for everything that's the point of reconciliation this guy is

homeless he blames you he's on drugs and he has a taser yeah yeah I don't think you want to be in the same city

as this dude yeah okay you've got a feud with a homeless guy it's a one sided feud I'm not you know I don't need to take it any further and here you are with a platform shitting on a homeless guy it's a one-sided feud I'm not you know I don't need to take it

any further and here you are with a platform shitting on a homeless guy talking about it publicly he has no right of reply I'm kind of on his side apart from the homophobia

I'm trying to teach my lesson here is I'm teaching to people that are listening at home if you're homophobic that can lead you deserve to live on the street

yeah homophobia can lead to homophobia you are literally homophobic That can lead You deserve to live on the street Yeah Homophobia can lead to Yeah yeah yeah You are literally Homophobic Yeah You have a phobia against homes Yeah

That is the button on that story Let's move on So we went to Ronnie's after party last night we went there and he got us to go to like a

it's like a what a video games themed bar yeah shout out Bartronica yeah yeah right easy place to go you know no cover charge usually it's relatively

empty and quiet fuck it was full last night and I've never been in such a nerd themed bar in my life it was insane are you gonna finish the story

because yeah yeah what happens at the end yeah yeah we'll talk about it it's fine yeah And I've never been in such a nerd-themed bar in my life. It was insane. Are you going to finish the story? Because what happens at the end? Yeah, yeah, we'll talk about it. It's fine. You say you've never been in such a nerd-themed bar. You've been in bars where we've done shows. So you've seen many of those same people. No, no, no. This is a different level.

This is a different level. I've never seen so many ponytails. It's fucking crazy. And people dressed like you in the trench coat. And a guy in a full spider-man outfit was there a spider-man outfit yeah

there was a guy with a full on what do you call that like mohawk yeah but that's cool in comparison to the fucking you saw all this last night and you're still

commenting on my appearance 24 hours later no but here's the thing we were in a fucking arcade bar you're in your house yeah exactly

I'm comfort this is leisure wear. Are you going to join the world's most deadliest catch? World's most deadliest what? Deadliest catch. I don't know. He looks like he's going to set some traps to catch some crabs or something. He's a nice trucker.

He's a nice trucker. That's who he is. Yeah, this bar tronic I got last night looked like an episode of Stranger Things for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I was there last night looked like an episode of Stranger Things for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was there and I was like, Santa Ronnie, thanks for fucking, you know, thanks for hiring me as an extra on the set of fucking Big Bang Theory.

It looked like that. It was fucking insane. But what's the funniest thing is... So then we're sitting in the booth. Yeah. We're in a booth and we finally... You're shitting on this place. You keep shitting on how these people are fucking nerds.

Yeah, yeah. This place sucks. And I started filming. There were people talking to you and I'm really slyly getting my phone out. And I'm filming all the exchanges and going, fuck, and I'll check this out. And I'm filming it.

And as I'm filming it, we're sort of going, fucking check all these nerds out. What the fuck is going on here? And then Milan is there. And Milan's like, oh yeah, do you want a drink or whatever? And the guy goes, yeah, sure, Milan.

And he goes, what? How do you know my name or whatever and the guy goes yeah sure Milan and he goes what how do you know my name and he goes because I listen to that guy's podcast and I'm like fuck

and he starts hysterically crying laughing I laugh for a good five minutes are you unaware that your listeners are nerds too

like a large segment of them are people I would characterize as nerds this is different level slash dorks this is like what we would say back in Maribor. When I lived in Maribor, there was a second half of the bar.

The main bar was called the Bull and Mouth Hotel, right? So there was a main bar where everyone went, and then there was this side bar where all the absolute freaks of Maribor were. Where everyone called it the Star Wars bar because it looked like that scene in Star Wars where you just walked in there and went, there's a lot of different species going on in there. That's what it looked like.

Why do you hate them? They're the friendliest people on Earth. First of all, this fucking guy talks like he's some kind of jock. You're the nerd of Maribyrnals. You have a podcast, mate. You're Maribyrnals nerd. You look at CCTV fucking cameras in another country. That's how people in Maribyrnals look at you. You go to Thailand not for the sex tourism.

You're a fucking nerd nerd you're a country nerd country nerd okay probably the worst type of nerd oh man I played soccer in Mirabar of course I was like

yelled at people I had long hair I was like all the fucking bogans would yell at me for sure you're trying to rebel against your past is what's going on

yeah you're faced with what you were and you're angry about it you're just fucking nerds you gotta resolve that man about it. Yeah, he's fucking nerds. You gotta resolve that, man. No, it was fine though

because those guys were nice. Those people who were listening. They were super nice. Yeah, they were nice. And you shouted for five minutes. Took us a while to get to that. You shouted for so long before they came over

and said hi. I didn't shit on them specifically. Oh, you were shitting on them. It was the fucking people dressed as Aquaman that were walking by. By the way, you, Milan and Nick Capper sitting in that bar,

I said, you guys look like you're here to collect money. You guys did not fit in in that bar at all. We were the most... It's the first time we've ever been the most alpha people in the bar. You were not the most alpha. You were not cool at all. You just looked like a bunch of criminals. We still...

That is still better than the guys who are dressed as the Smurfs standing in the bar or whatever. I know, that's pretty funny. I said, why don't you go to the fucking Melbourne Backpackers where you belong then? What's your bar? What's your city bar? Splain Comedy where I get to yell at whoever I want. X-Food.

You're probably an X-Food hotel guy. So you know what happened? So we left there. So then you guys left and we hung out and talked to those guys. You sent me to a Thai place that was closed. Yeah yeah i think you went to the wrong place though no i google mapped it and then i went to the thai place closed was it was it the downstairs one or the upstairs one it was the one on the street yeah it closed downstairs you gotta go downstairs you went to the wrong place what there's a place downstairs you told me then the name of it but there's two stores and

they're next to each other one's on surface level and you would have gone to that one. There's a downstairs one. It's fucking cool. How many more days do you have here? I'm out tomorrow. Yeah. So we left. You left and we left later and it was me and Nick Capper and Milan. And we left and Nick Capper and I were going in a similar direction.

So we got a cab and we get in the cab and we go uh and he goes oh it's been a busy night and we go yeah we and kappa goes yeah we just went and saw a comedian a comedian tonight a really big comedian he's like oh yeah who's that and he goes you know ronnie chang and the guy's like no i never heard of that guy i'm like oh that's cool he goes i don't really know comedy that much i don't really know about that sort of stuff well that's cool and he goes but i have had like one of the world's most famous comedians in my cab before i was like really and he goes yeah yeah like absolutely one of the most famous comedians in the entire world and we go really who was it and he goes i don't know who it is yeah well he can't be that famous he goes no no he's really famous i go but what's

he been in and he's like oh i don't know i think a lot of things like movies like hollywood movies he's been in hollywood movies like okay well what what are the movies it's like i don't really get into that sort of thing like well you gotta you told us this you gotta we gotta find something what's his race give me something yeah something so he goes oh you know he'll know my wife and he goes i'm gonna ring my wife right now so we're driving along yeah and he goes what's this at like 1am right now so we're driving along and he goes yeah and he goes what's this at like 1am or something is this the wife being woken up yes

and it was totally that to do some bullshit Fantails trivia over the phone he's not even drunk he's like at work yeah yeah it was literally that

so it was 1am and she clearly is just like he's like got the phone by the side of the bed and like he's groggy like just goes he goes ring ring

and she's like yeah this must happen all the time he does every passenger he's got some call and just goes it goes ring ring she's like yeah this must happen all the time he does every passenger he's got some call and there's no niceties the whole phone call went for five seconds speakerphone yeah yeah yeah great so i was like hello and he goes who's that famous comedian that was in my cab and she goes will farrell and he goes goodbye and like hangs up wow fuck really And we go, fuck, really? And we're like, Will Ferrell, wow.

You really have Will Ferrell in your car? And he goes, yeah, yeah. I had Will Ferrell in the car. And we're like, really? And he goes, man, I took a photo of him. I'll show you right now. And I go, cool. And he gets the photo out.

And here is the photo. Absolutely not Will Ferrell. What the hell? What the fuck? Oh, my God. Closer. Oh, my God. Closer. Oh my God. So some guy...

You've got to put that on our page. I'll put it up on social media. Can we make that just for a week? Can we make that our profile picture

across on our account across the board? We've got to find this guy. We've got gotta find him and get him but he kinda has some resemblance in some ways

this guy is the best comedian in the world yeah you gotta get him on as get him on a spleen

as Will Ferrell and then I'll yell at him because I find it's not Will Ferrell yeah man yeah so we're just

me and Cabra like laughing but going wow it's it's one of the it's one Will Ferrell. Man, yeah. So we're just... Me and Cabra are like laughing but going, wow, it's one of the stepbrothers. He was in your cab. And I'm like, the anchorman himself. You got him in your cab.

So you don't break this guy's heart. Absolutely not. You can't. You can't. It's like telling him Santa Claus is in the room. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And also, I want him to... And he woke his wife up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want him to give this beautiful gift to other passengers. Sure, sure. But what I want him to give this beautiful gift to other passengers. Sure, sure. But what I want to know now is, I'm obsessed now with trying to find this guy because it would be great to know, was he a guy from Melbourne?

You know what I mean? Was it a guy with an Australian accent? Yeah, you're right. Because that does change it. If this guy gets into new speaking and an Australian accent and this guy going like, wow, he must be... Unless you just put her on. He must be preparing for a role or something.

Because this guy, this taxi driver, had no idea who he was anyway. He only knows... He didn't even know the name. He just only knew... That's so funny. Because for him to get that story to him, this guy who's pretending to be Will Ferrell, who looks like 10% like Will Ferrell,

has walked in and gone, I'm world famous comedian Will Ferrell that smile looks like he knows that this photo is going to be shown to him he's pissing himself as he's getting his photo taken

but do you think that's happened or do you think this guy has just gone oh this is that famous guy I don't want to embarrass him I'll just chat to him no this guy had no idea who he is

like I said I asked his name I asked what he's been in he goes I have no idea about any of this stuff fuck but I just got told that I

no but also he's probably watched movies with him in I have no idea about any of this stuff. Fuck. But I just got told that it was like... No, but also, he's probably watched movies with him in it and gone, oh yeah, that's a funny guy. No, he knew nothing. He literally is just parroting the information that has been given to him by fake Will Ferrell.

We have to find this guy. So then we're like pissing ourselves in the back, but like, okay. And he's like, what are you laughing about? Oh, just remembering our favourite Will Ferrell moments. No, no,

just remembering Ronnie Chang's jokes you know Ronnie Chang oh yeah I drove him around too yeah yeah he's a 70 year old Korean man I drive him around

every day he's always honestly so this is the thing I'm in the back and so we're making our jokes like going oh yeah yeah

it's the stepbrother himself oh it's Anchorman you've got Anchorman in the front and I'm like sitting there going fuck who can we pretend we are we're in the back who Anchorman in the front and I'm like sitting there going fuck who can we pretend we are we're in the back

who can we pretend we are and I'm like the lookalike I get if I get one is like Adam Gilchrist the cricketer Australian cricketer

so I think okay I've got that and then the taxi driver goes you know the only other famous person I've had in my cab Adam Gilchrist no way

so then I couldn't do it. I should have asked him for a photo. It might not have even been him. It might have been you. It might have been me drunk like a month ago. Dude,

if you had gotten him to take your photo as Adam Gilchrist. Yeah, fuck. You should have gotten Capper to be like Leo Sayer. Oh, but he's cut his hair. He doesn't look,

doesn't have quite the hair for a moment. Yes. No, you know what? If I had thought of that, exactly, I would have totally done that. Yeah, Gary Sher oh but he's cut his hair he doesn't look doesn't have quite yeah yeah yes no you know what if i'd have thought of that exactly i would have totally gary shandling he's back from the dead yeah and again kappa's not the homeless comedian that i yelled at either no no no this guy i bet i could convince him i'm ken jong yeah yeah yeah i could be like i was in a hangover yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Fuck. Damn. We honestly, if we... And that's a great ad

to not get Uber. Like taxi drivers play better. Yeah, there's a different, there's something a bit different going on. Yeah, there's something where they just

don't give a shit. There's no shame, no rule, no etiquette because there's no rating. They don't give a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the most

interesting interactions. I got an Uber last night and the guy was eating a lollipop while he was driving me but in the most disgusting way. Yeah. He was last night and the guy was eating a lollipop while he was driving me, but in the most disgusting way. Yeah. He was just like really slurping away on that thing for like the entire, drove to Footscray.

So it turned you on, is what you're saying. Yeah, it was really making me uncomfortable. Those early spleen days. Disguised my erection in the cab, in the Uber. I gave him five still. Do you ever do compliments? Do you ever tip? No, I don't tip.

I don't leave comments Of course you don't tip Well a compliment That's just literally a tip How do you think I afford this? I can't afford this apartment If I'm tipping Uber Do you kind of afford

Your fucking outfit? I don't tip Ubers I tip taxi drivers Yeah Because you need it more? Ubers get less I feel sorry for them Can I be honest?

I don't feel sorry for them anymore Really? Because they ought to have seen The fucking demise Of their industry, and now they're complaining about their license. Right. Why didn't you just fucking see it coming?

No. But maybe they're going to sell it to everybody soon. Just calm down, man. Just treat people as people, though. I feel like I have a right to talk about this. Stay in your lane, Carl. What do you think our chances are of finding this fake Will Ferrell? Honestly, I could die happy.

If we can track him down. Look, I'll put it online. I'll put it on all of our social media platforms. And if anyone recognises this guy. If he's American. Okay, Ronnie, you've got to retweet that. I'll retweet it. Even if you don't go on social media and you just think,

man, I know someone who 10% looks like Will Ferrell. Ring him up right now and say, have you ever impersonated him in a taxi? What if someone starts impersonating that he's this guy? Happy to see any impersonators of Will Ferrell's impersonation. Right, so we just end up with like multiplicity Will Ferrell. I think it would be awesome to actually have them all in a room. I look like the guy who kind of looks like Will Ferrell.

We can have an event night of a thousand Ferrells. We can have an event, Night of a Thousand Ferrells. We can just get all these different people to come in. What if this episode, what if people love this episode so much? You know, we've had some great episodes where people, it's their absolute favourite. What if this is one of them and then they make a movie of it and then they get Will Ferrell to play this guy? Oh, that's great.

I've got an idea. Okay, so I'm just thinking out loud here. So obviously everyone knows, Tommy, you had AIDS. What was it? Cancer. Yeah, that's great. I've got an idea. Okay, so I'm just thinking out loud here. So obviously everyone knows Tommy, you had AIDS. What was it? Cancer. Yeah, I had AIDS.

A childhood AIDS. Childhood AIDS. He had AIDS chemotherapy. You were like, you've got to make a wish, right? Yeah. But my friend, he's got AIDS on his kidney.

So I can't tell what it is. Jesus. So he's getting his kidney cut out. But I'm like, oh bro, you know the good thing is maybe you get make a wish. And he's like, nah. And he actually'm like oh bro you know the good thing is maybe you get Make-A-Wish and he's like nah

and he actually was like I'm too old for it by the way Freddie Mercury didn't have musical cancer well that's not too soon we're allowed to yeah yeah

he's not listening so like so if you Make-A-Wish you actually get to meet like actual celebs like if you go I want to meet

you know usually you get to meet whereas people that are older they don't get so maybe what we could offer or what you guys want to meet you know usually you get to meet whereas people that are older they don't get so maybe what we could offer or what you guys could offer as a service is you get a collection

of shitty lookalikes and we find someone that maybe has got a cold or like is a bit unwell maybe one of the listeners and we deliver them this fake celeb I love

I love the the bad lookalikes and we actually looked into doing that once for a live show yeah we were going to get the drunk cast this year we were going to get a bunch of bad celebrity lookalikes to come down and into doing that once for a live show yeah we were going to get the drunk cast this year we were going to get

a bunch of bad celebrity lookalikes to come down and we couldn't find anyone that were bad enough we wanted some really bad ones

it was just all Marilyn Monroe in a blonde wig anyone can just whack on a wig we wanted some genuinely dodgy Ricky Gervais

lookalikes yeah there's heaps on those websites where it's like, oh, I'm Borat. And it's like, you're just a cunt in a mankini. Yes. Like, you don't look like Sasha Van Der Kolk. But if, Nani, we've got to find people that wouldn't make a website for themselves.

Someone that, everyone's like, you look like Ben Stiller. I thought when you were saying the Make-A-Wish thing, you were going to say, we find a sick kid and we get their wish to be, I want you to find this man in the photo. I mean the resources of the Make-A-Wish Foundation going in and just finding some random guy

dude convince a kid you're gonna die anyway what's it matter fuck it what's it matter if you get a computer or not

yeah just give us this thing wait that's right you got a laptop right I got a laptop yeah you know what we could do we could take that photo to the

we go to the cops we take that photo to the... We go to the cops. We take that photo and we say, this man assaulted me. And then we get crime stoppers in on the act. Then we're going to get more eyes on the... And then we find him and we go, oh, sorry, it was actually a guy that looked like John C. Reilly. You'll get charged for that, though.

I get confused, I watch all the columns. It was a bad movie. It didn't actually sexually assault me. What I meant was it was a bad movie it didn't actually sexually assault me what I meant was it was a bad movie and I want him in trouble for it or you could just say

he's gone missing how does a missing person say so for instance let's get his photo on the side of a milk cart but you need to be related I couldn't just go

Carl Chandler's missing find him well who are you to him a friend so if I say that this is my uncle and he's gone missing we could find him that way yeah well he has gone missing, we could find him that way.

Yeah, well, he has gone missing because we can't find him. Well, we don't know where he is. His location is unknown to us. Technically, he is missing to us. Last seen in a taxi. We could put up missing posters and shit. We do a whole, so we find this guy, then we'd have to like, you'd have to look at maybe,

I don't know if you took down the details of this cab driver. Absolutely not. And we recreate the whole night. We just do a one-hour special where we just... Look at his fucking face. He is fucking... Ronnie's having a good look at him again. I want to see again because he's just loving it.

Because his photo... He fucking really is loving it. I know this is a podcast. Because by the way, this is a photo. By the way, this is a photo. I'll drag it out It's a photo of This is a photo of a

Of a photo Because He was holding it He was The cab driver was holding up The The iPhone Yeah

And so I'm in the back seat Just going Yeah cool Just hold it up for a minute longer And me just taking a picture From the back of the cab That's how you got it Yeah because I was

That's the actual Yeah because I was like I'm going to laugh at this tomorrow And then I Because we'd had a few'm going to laugh at this tomorrow And then I Because we'd had a few drinks And I woke up this morning And then talked to And then went through my phone

And went Oh fuck I forgot all about that Oh the best So you didn't He didn't even legitimately Let you take a photo Of his phone You just took my back

Yeah yeah yeah You just kept on holding it higher Yeah yeah But I'm assuming that What he's holding up on his phone He's zoomed in right It's not a photo Of the two of them

Wow No no no It's just a Is not a photo of the two of them. No, no, no. Is it a photo of the two of them that he just zoomed in on? So he just got a photo of the guy on the screen? He just turned around in the cab and said, smile, and took a photo. Yeah, I think he's just turned around and taken a picture of him. That's great. Saying to a celeb, would you mind if I get a photo? Not with me in it, just a photo of you.

Just a worse picture of something I could have got in Google Images. Yeah, yeah, yeah. of your face just a worse picture of something I could have got in Google Images yeah yeah I've got to say my

the people that that like my comedy the most and if I ever get recognised it's the most it happens in taxis and Ubers the most

but because basically I'm like I'm their guy but the thing is I was like oh man we love your comedy so much

is that cool Can he do that I'm not doing the eyes Can you do Pablo Francisco Doing you Come to the show You should come to the show I'm doing some shows

And they just go Nah just put out another video They just Don't fucking buy tickets Yeah I was in an Uber Who knew you But then

I would guarantee And he said the same thing He was like Oh yeah Do you watch him live And he's like No no I've had the same thing He was like Oh yeah I was like Do you watch him live And he's like No no I've had the same thing too

I did a long Uber trip And we were talking about you The whole time And I was like Yeah I know this guy Yeah he's a good guy And he's like Yeah yeah

I love watching him Go see me live And I literally said You know what And he seemed like A really nice guy And I was like You know what

He's on In a couple of weeks At my venue And they just go You know what On the house Bring your family in You can all come in you can all come in he's like cool and i gave him my number he's like oh thanks man never hit me up yeah yeah they don't come that's why i'll have a love hate thing with taxi drivers and uber drivers like liking because they don't come

to live you don't come to live you got to go to like white people it's the white people's thing yeah it's a lot of events is white people yeah that's the thing I mean the gatekeepers of comedy we're in the room with them aren't we I was in an Uber pool in New York last time we were there with two girls

that I didn't know and they were talking about having just been at a gig and then eventually I realised that they were talking about you Ronnie they'd literally just been to see you do

I think a trial show or something and they were they were talking for a while and then I turned around and I went oh I had to interrupt but he's my buddy

like we've you know met him in Australia and they're like why didn't you chime in earlier and I'm like I was kind of hoping you'd tee off

in some way I was waiting to get a little treat up my sleeve where was this this is in New York this is when we were in New York

in 2017 oh they came and watched the trial show. Yeah. The trial show, okay. And where did you meet these girls? In an Uber pool. What? That's crazy.

What did they say about the trial show? Actually, don't tell me. I can't know this stuff. Well, it's in the past now. It's the old hour. Yeah, exactly. That you said is really great. Yeah.

And that's what they thought, as far as you know. Okay. Let's leave it as that, yeah. I mean, it's a trial show hopefully it got better from there yeah you gotta start somewhere guys that was two years ago

it's probably got better Jesus yeah there was this guy who he contacted me oh you know you know what while you say that sorry

fans of yours that go that don't go to your show I've just got exactly the same thing. We just got back from Koh Samui, right? Yeah. Third year in a row. Got hit by a guy. You got hit by a guy? No, I got hit by this guy.

He was commenting on stuff as we were over there on Facebook and stuff and going, oh, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah, sorry, it was bad weather today. Oh, I think it's better weather tomorrow. I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, oh, yeah, Samui blah, blah. Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry, it was bad weather today. And oh, I think it's better weather tomorrow. I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, oh, yeah, Samui's only had one day of rain and you've copped it. Sorry about that.

I'm like, are you, do you live in Koh Samui? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, oh, it's cool. I'll see you at the show. He's like, no, I'm not coming. Prick. A guy lives in Koh Samui and he didn't come to our show at the Koh Samui International Podcast.

That makes no sense. What did he say? Why was he busy? I don't know. I don't know what he did. What was he doing? These are the sorts of people that vote for Trump

and just are pedophiles, man. There's nothing wrong with them. Koh Samui doesn't have that many permanent residents. There's like 80,000 or something like that. And he's Australian. I don't know.

Oh, but was he like white? I don't know. What's his name? What do you know about him? You sound like the taxi driver describing the comedian. It was just comments on Facebook. It was just a guy talking on Facebook? I don't know. What's his name? What do you know about him? You sound like the taxi driver describing the comedian. It was just comments on Facebook. It was just a guy talking on Facebook.

I didn't click on his profile or anything like that. Okay, okay. Bloody hell. He wasn't Thai because we have no Thai listeners. I know that. He must have been an ex-thiever. Do you try to do outreach with the local community? Or is it basically a colonial project?

You're just going out there. He goes there. He creates an enclave. You create your own little fucking resort. Yes. What's your interaction with the local culture apart from the elephant reserves

pumping thousands and thousands I thought you were going to say pumping the locals you fucking scum pumping a lot of money into the local economy

oh really don't you pay all the comics pumping a lot of semen into the local economy and that's from I'm going to name names but you said you're stopping it right

Because it's grown too big And you can't handle it No it wasn't because of that Just because we're moving on We'll do something else No man You can't handle the success You're scared of it

You're scared of success Well how do you deal with it Ronnie You clearly I don't know Deal with your massive success What do you do What success

Do you just That's how he does it See What success 9.30pm I'm in Tommy Gasol's house Yelling at three idiots Is this he does it. See? I'm fucking 9.30pm. I'm in Tommy Gasol's house yelling at three idiots. Is this what making it looks like?

Because I'm fucking tired. Are you like Jay Leno? Do you just bank your daily show and your crazy rich Asians money and then you just live off your sock money? The socks are selling pretty well, guys. So if you want to buy some...

We haven't talked about your socks. Why don't you ever promote it on your fucking talked about your socks Why don't you ever promote it On your fucking Whatever the fuck Why don't you ever promote Our podcast when you're on it What are you talking about I always promote it

No you don't Yeah I always talk about it You never have That's true I can't be cancelled Do you understand I cannot Your listeners

Listen to this is fine If I get fine Daily show people listen to this Basically what you're saying is I could We could end Comedy Central Network You're going to lose your job

because we found out about a guy who looks like Will Ferrell a little bit no they're going to lose it because we're talking about homeless people

and homophobia do you know anyone at Funny or Die can you get us to the real Will Ferrell we literally just talked about no actually do you know someone at Funny or Die

right I actually met John C. Reilly once I did a gig with him oh really yeah yeah he's good

yeah he's good man he does music let me show you a photo of him smiling dude that was me that was me man

I got confused there who's the worst who's the worst celebrity you've ever the worst celebrity what the fuck yeah the worst like

interaction was just the worst yeah no I've never had a bad interaction Never Yeah Never I met Cuba Gooding Jr.

He was cool What I met JJ Abrams He was cool What did you just You were on Instagram the other day Quentin Tarantino Selma Hyatt

Selma Hyatt What are you doing with Selma Hyatt Yeah I'm doing a movie with her What movie What's the movie I don't know if I can talk about it You just put it on Instagram I know but I don't want to talk about this That's just a tape I don't know if I can talk about it. You just put it on Instagram. I know, but

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about this thing. I don't know if they want to be associated. It's good enough for Instagram but not good enough for a podcast. When you met Quentin Tarantino, was he really interested

in the socks? Is that a good conversation start of the socks? They kind of are, yeah. People are like, Salma Hayek, I'm doing this Amazon movie with her.

It's on Amazon Prime so I don't know how anyone in Australia is going to watch it now we've got this Amazon Prime yeah we've got it it's just a movie what's she like

super cool yeah yeah like great actress like really cool on set like not afraid to change

the script on the in the moment and so do you think she'd do the podcast I mean can you ask her I can ask her you won't ask her afraid to change the script in the moment and so do you think she'd do the podcast? can you ask her? I can ask her

you won't ask her well I finished filming so I'm not going to see her again until maybe a premiere if I'm even invited I don't know it's a cool sci-fi it's character driven sci-fi

what do you play? I play Summer Hayek's ex-boyfriend oh wow what? yeah is this science fiction? yeah it is I play Salma Hayek's ex-boyfriend. Oh, wow. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this science fiction?

Yeah, it is. It's complete make-believe. It happens in another universe? I know. It couldn't ever happen on our timeline. Is this a David Lynch movie or something? It's like Black Mirror. Salvador Dali or something? No, if it helps.

If it helps, it's actually one of those movies that's a total mindfuck in terms of like, you don't know what's real and what's not real. mine's fucked around. Is it about a woman who used to fuck an autistic robot?

Yeah, it's one of those like... Rain Man's back and he's knee deep in pussy. Yeah, okay, well, watch the movie when it comes out. I think you guys have a good time it's

it's a cool it's a cool Owen Wilson's in it as well oh wow so it's Owen Wilson Summer Hayek and then what about

what about Crazy Rich Asians 2 when's that happening yeah I don't know no we asked about that last time yeah Crazy Rich Asians 3 when's that happening

oh yeah do you have more info on that no they're probably going to film it back to back oh nice yeah yeah fuck all of a sudden we have more info on that no they're probably going to film it back to back oh nice yeah fuck all of a sudden we got more info

no but this is all I know this just because someone told me it's on Google oh okay yeah right Google knows more

than I do about this so you're filming in Singapore again I don't know the second book is in China so I don't know oh is it

yeah it's in China but I don't know if they'll follow the second book I don't know if you do it in Singapore I'm going to come

and visit you on the set I'll come to see you sure I'll come man I'll go film a podcast in the background scene yeah yeah yeah

you guys be in the background get us in as extras we'll be white extras I love it crazy povo what people you wouldn't go to China if it's filming in China I'd go to China If it's filming in China I'd go to China

What's going on here With your face You just mentioned China I don't know if I'm Not interested in going There's a billion people there mate Yeah sure That's one sixth of the world

What do you like about Thailand That you don't like about China I don't know I don't know You just think it's what Too Asian for you or something But like what are the good points Of China I don't know I don't know enough about it Where's the too Asian for you or something. But what are the good points of China?

I don't know. What's the next new place that you think you'll go? Good question. What do you mean you don't know enough about China? You probably know. You've bumped into more Chinese people in your life. I think it's Chinese people, but I don't need to go to their house. Why don't you go to Thailand?

Wait, wait. Tell me on China. You tell me. Tell me what's so good about China the Zim's trying to get Carl but Carl's too slick I'm trying to get him cancelled

I'm trying to get him cancelled but Carl's like yeah I love China I'm still going to China these guys have nothing to lose you know that's the problem these fucking people

literally have nothing to lose so you come into a podcast and he's always like harassing me to come on and I say here so do a podcast do a podcast I'm like yo

I know you guys got nothing better to do at 9pm I'm fucking jet lagged and I got shit I know you guys got nothing better to do at 9pm I'm fucking jet lagged and I got shit to lose you guys are just trying to start shit

that's what he knows that's what he never blames me for I always organise his podcast at literally the last minute and he never

blames me because he knows that me coming on this is a fucking risk it's a risk I know I know the game

he knows the game and he knows I always end up fucking coming we're so close to getting him to admit to hating Chinese people Or something No No he doesn't hate Chinese people

Only one of them So you're on China? Yeah You're the face of Chinese tourism Don't go For the sake of China You don't Have you done any gigs in China?

Have you done any gigs? Yeah I did I did Beijing I did Hong Kong Andy Curtin Shout out to Andy Curtin. Do you know Andy Curtin? I know Andy Curtin, yeah.

He went to law school. He went to my law school, yeah. I did Beijing. It was cool. It was cool to see. What'd you do? What? Beijing.

I did a show in Beijing. Don't worry about it. Don't you have to say it? Beijing. You know Beijing? Nah. I thought it was. Fucking Morgan.

He's such a Morgan don't go to China man no you go there why are you saying that

I just want to stand up what Beijing going like it's pronounced Beijing nah mate

what did you say how did you say Beijing Beijing isn't it Beijing what did I say to be honest Beijing Beijing but you said what did you say? How did you say it? Beijing. Beijing. Isn't it Beijing? To be honest, Beijing.

Beijing. But you say, what did you say? Beijing. Beijing. Beijing. It sounds like Des Bishop. Beijing.

Sounds like Des Bishop. A Chinese guy sounds like Des Bishop pretending to be a Chinese guy. Yeah. I don't know. It was cool to see. Beijing is very modern

And it's very hipster You'd be surprised Can't concentrate I know I know I haven't heard a word Apart from Beijing He literally

After you say Beijing He stops listening Yeah He stops listening He's like What the fuck His brain just I put the rest of it on hold

I'm like Let's deal with this first Wait How many places in Asia Have you been? Other than Thailand Japan? Tokyo?

You've been to Japan? Yeah yeah yeah That's cool right? That place is nice Yeah it's nice I gotta go back there I gotta go back there Where else?

Malaysia? Malaysia Have you been there? Malaysia Where did you go to Malaysia? As a stopover Back from Thailand one time Wait did you get out of the airport?

Yeah yeah yeah Like three or four days In KL Oh really? Yeah It's hilarious how much you like Thailand You're such a bogan It's great

I've never been to Bali In my head that excuses me You gotta do Something there You gotta go to Bali I've been to Singapore A bunch of times So what are you gonna do

With the Koh Samui podcast? What's the next thing? I don't know We only just finished it We only just finished it I know but what do you In your head you know like Do you have to do with the Koh Samui podcast? What's the next thing? I don't know. We only just finished it. We only just finished it. I know, but in your head you had no like... Do you have to pay tax or anything there? Can I ask you a question?

Here's the thing. Now that we're not doing it anymore, this is the thing I only thought about as we were there. I was like, are we technically earning money? Well, you technically are. I'm going to tell you that. You're going to another country. You are doing activities that derive profit for you.

And what did you give back to them in terms of tax? What are you talking about? You're talking to another country. You are doing activities that derive profit to you. And what did you give back to them in terms of tax? What are you talking about? You're talking about tax? It's a tax deduction. As in in Australia? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just want to...

For instance, you come and do a gig in Australia. You have to pay tax in Australia, right? Yeah. So they did a series of gigs in Thailand. Yeah. I'm just saying, you might want to consult a professional. Yeah, look, we're not there.

We're not there anymore, so I'm pretty sure we're all fine. Like, we didn't charge anyone over there. I just remembered. So, you know, we went... Oh, you just remembered. So you got all the money in Australia. What money?

As in admission fees. It was free, I think. So any listener, they might disagree with what you're saying. I think some people donated money to us here for something unrelated. They donated when they were in Australia. I believe they donated. This is a new tactic to get cancelled.

You're trying to get the ETO. Did you sell a t-shirt in Thailand? No. Not a single t-shirt. Some people stole t-shirts from me and left money afterwards, I think. My mum gave us a lot of money and she just filtered it through about 150 different people and passed it on to us in an envelope. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so the Coastal Movement International Podcast Festival has no tax obligations outstanding. Look, whoever runs that festival, I mean, I don't know. We just perform. We went over there at the behest of the festival. Whatever they do with their offshore accounts is their business. We're mere minstrels. We're performers. What do we know?

We don't have that side of the brain. That is the best defense I've ever heard. The tax evasion. Your Honor, we want mere minstrels. The minstrel defense. We would like to invoke the minstrel defence. That's awesome. I rest my case as Will Ferrell.

If you want to go after me, hit up my company, funny or die. It was Adam Gilchrist who ran the course. Hit up the Australian Cricket Board. ATO, hit up the ACB. It's between you guys. Please leave us mere minstrels out of it. All right. We'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Nazeem and Ronnie, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for editing all the stuff that goes in trouble out of this. No worries. You're very welcome. Do Patreon people get to listen to that at least? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Everyone gets to listen to it.

The bits that you edit out do you give them no because they would be the sort of people that would then get us in

trouble so you trust none of your listeners we don't trust anyone there's not even a tier of

listener that you trust you trust none of them the people who give us money, they think, well, that justifies. We give you money,

we're allowed to get you in trouble with the police or fucking whatever. It's so stupid. That's the tier of Patreon where they're allowed to like fucking get us in the papers. You know after a comedy show, the people who ask you

those stupidest questions, 100% of those are their fans. It's a complete correlation. What do you got coming Ronnie you're back on the Daily Show and you got a yeah I might be back

in Australia in August to film like another film oh really yeah yeah Crocodile Dundee 4 nice

I wish that's a great idea so if I come back I'll come and see you guys but thanks for promoting your show and I had a really good run this time

I got one more show in Canberra next week but this probably won't come out in time so don't worry about it yeah maybe not yeah but it's okay man

it's always fun to be in Australia and see the friends and try to catch up with everyone very nice of you thanks Ronnie thanks

Nazeem what do you got I've got Darwin shows Darwin festival oh yeah that's a good festival that's pretty good I love it the outdoor thing

yeah outdoor thing and people who are there really want to be there that's our gig fake Koh Samui podcast festival that's the imitation except I pay tax over there

oh yeah I'll be paying tax okay I'll be giving back to the people that get to me I'll be mingling

with the locals Carl gave the people in Koh Sam me. What do you mean? Are we mingling with the locals? Carl gave the people in Kosovo lots of his sperm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's valuable. And they had to be on their knees

to promise to gig. They could breed new cricketers out of that. The tight cricketers. Fuck. And I know Tommy's not going

to edit that out. So now I've been a lot of trouble. And an Adelaide that out so now I'm in a live show and an Adelaide show one more oh a solo show in Adelaide yep

at Winterfest something called Winterfest lots of people in Adelaide that like us and buy tickets really early so they come to my show yeah

they probably do on the day on the fucking day you're right you're right on the day tricks Tommy what do you have

I got this podcast so listen to this one, guys. Cool. Go back to the start and listen to it. Yeah. Listen to it in reverse now. When are you casting off

to fish again? Yeah. Casting off to fish. After you guys leave, I'm going to head down to the docks. Not to do any fishing. Not to fish, though, yeah.

You got to post the photo right at the start just so people know what you look like right now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that'll be in the episode thing. This'll be in the episode picture.

And for the record, I don't not not like you. Oh, nice. What a happy ending. Don't not not like me. So I don't like you would be... He could have said, I don't like you. Yeah. could have said I don't like you

Yeah Right So he doesn't like me He cancelled The two nots cancelled No no I don't not Not like you

So yeah you Don't like him No no I don't not like you So Right Then he said another not Yeah just say one not

I don't not not like you Just say you like me Yeah Yeah Wait What I meant is I don't like you. Oh, okay.

That's what you're correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Thanks very much for listening, everyone, and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates. Thoughts? Thoughts, Tommy? Would you like to do the honours? Would you like to take this champagne bottle and smash it across the bow of this boat? Of this podcast? I believe.

The reverse christening? I am HO. They've done it again. Mm-mm. What do you think? Not that humble. Maybe I am O. They've done it again.

In your opinion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you've got to take the H out. Sometimes I'll be drafting a text, got the H in there, and then go, there's nothing humble about a text that says... IMHO, I got a massive wang. Send to mum.

IMHO, it's average size. No, great. In my opinion, ep. Love having Rotten Ronald. Two of our favourites on the show, Rotten Ronald, Chang and Nazeem Hussain. Always good to drag celebrities down to our level and try and get them in trouble. Very nice of Rotten Ronnie to waste his time on us once he gives every appearance like he hates us and then at the last second he agrees to a pod and we get him in here

within like it's it's like like when rolling stones used to do secret club shows no one would know about it and then an hour to go the word go out that's that's what it's like i will get yeah i'll get a message from ronnie like an hour to go and go okay i'll do it where where's your stupid house but then the but then if the rolling stones were on stage just like abusing the audience yeah yeah yeah and and genuinely you say give every appearance that he hates us yeah and then comes and does it and then continues to give every appearance that he hates us i love rotten ranald um, fun times. That's one way of looking at it. No, it was. It's good.

I think it must be the episode that I look forward to the most contrasting with that you look forward to the least. I hate it. Yeah. I hate it. I enjoyed seeing the photo that you had. Oh, yes, right. Of course, right. That was an oasis.

Yeah, right, right. Yeah, well,, right. Yep. That was an oasis. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah, well, I'll put that up on the socials. So get on your Facebooks, get on your Instagrams, get on your Twitters. But everything else. Right. Not to my taste. Well, thanks for putting up with it.

It's what I like. Yeah. If I could have him on every week, I would, but you'd be dead by now. Yeah. I don't think I'd enjoy that at all. Yeah. Love it, love it. Like we said at the top of the show, we've got a new show announced.

We're going to Tasmania for the first time. Show-wise, we are. We're doing a live podcast down there. We've resisted it for many years. I've always thought, I don't know if we'd get the numbers. Look, it's really been rammed into my face that we do have the numbers down there. So, okay, we're doing it. It's a small place.

Yeah. We put it on the socials. You look at the population down there and it's really not that big, is it? So, that's what always put me off. They are towns rather than cities, really, down there. And that's no disrespect to them. That's just... That's just facts.

Yeah, it's just figures. Don't blame us. Blame the census. Yeah, you can't have – it's not an opinion. It's a fact. So, yeah, we have decided to go down. It is selling well already. We put it on sale.

We notified people on the social medias. So this isn't the first time some people are hearing about it. So that means it's already been selling. So, look, it is a small room um we don't know what to expect so we thought we'd book a small room um so get onto it if you have any interest in coming along we're not going to put on a second show uh we don't have that many guests but we do have ripper guests so come down um get a ticket get online right now if you're hearing this and get onto it and this this should be sold out pretty soon. I can't wait to get the feedback from people that they can't be fucked driving from Devonport or wherever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A place that's an hour and a half away to come and watch the show. Yeah, well, Samui style. And, you know, the Perth one's a recent one as well. So that's, man, you just told me the figures before. That's looking like it's two-thirds full as well, so within less than a week. Yep. So get onto that.

Again, we can't be doing extra shows in either of those cities. Nope. So if you want to come, get onto it. It's our one trip to both those places for the year, so get onto that. And of course, look, Timewise, Sydney and Newcastle, neither of them are quite sold out yet, but they're very close, so please, that's our one trip for the year. Get into it,

please. And it's coming up pretty soon. Yes. Something that I would like to plug quickly, a personal endeavour of mine. I haven't talked about this on the show yet, but I am doing an exhibition in Melbourne from November the 20th until December the 1st at b-side gallery on

brunswick street uh it's called vanilla hills it's all stuff that i am purpose doing for this exhibition a lot of you guys if you've seen our posters or the patreon magazine and stuff you will have seen uh my illustration work so this is a whole bunch of stuff that i'm doing brand new for this um there's going to be like a big kind of opening night party thing on November the 20th at 6pm at the gallery, which yeah, if you're someone who likes to travel to our gigs and stuff, you could maybe make a bit of a week out of it. You could come to the exhibition on the Wednesday night, then you could go to the European Beer Cafe on the Thursday, and then you could get yourself down to Tassie in time for our gig

on the Saturday. Yeah, I was going to say, how's that going to affect the preparation for the live podcast in Hobart? That's but a couple of days before that. I mean, usually before a live podcast, me and you go away for the week and we go down to a beach chalet and really plot out every second of the live podcast. Yeah, we do a lot of trust exercises.

Me falling and you never catch me, so I just hit the dirt. Yeah, both of us lot of trust exercises. Me falling and you catch. You never catch me. So I just hit the dirt. Yeah. Both of us falling at the same time. Not thinking out that someone has to catch. That is a great metaphor for this podcast. We both forgot to catch. But yeah, I'm really looking forward to that.

There's going to be a lot of cool stuff involved in that, which I'm very excited about um so yeah worth worth putting in the diary now even though it is a fair way away if you're someone who likes to travel for these sorts of things what happens when you put on one of these uh does that mean you have to uh i mean you'll make a speech you'll uh no oh no no you know would you like me to make a speech no weird um've got to put on like hors d'oeuvres and, you know, grog and stuff, wouldn't you? The gallery supplies the grog.

Oh, really? Yeah. So it's free booze for the opening night. Right. Which they supply. Hang on, I just... A lot of ears just were pricked, I think, listeners of our show suddenly into art.

Yeah, a lot of people that were mere minutes away going, art gallery, sounds gay. There was a... No, there was a guy. I don't know if this guy's around anymore or whatever, but there was a guy that used to come to a lot of comedy. And by a lot of comedy, I meant a lot of free comedy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he used to turn up to these free comedy gigs, pretty pissed sometimes. And it'd be like, how are you pissed already?

It's like the start of the gig. And he just somehow found out when all the art galleries were having opening nights. And he would go along and just get sozzled at the art gallery openings. No interest in the art. Big time. Or deodorant. And then come along to, this isn't Kappa we're talking about. This is someone else.

And then would come along to the free comedy. He would just go to everything that's free. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I found that out. I was doing a few years ago, I would go and help out at gallery openings every now and then. And I was thinking, like I said to one of the gallery owners, like, oh, this would be thinking that I had like invented this scam. You know, if you were across it, you know, there's one of these things happening nearly every night of the week. You could just cruise in and just be getting drunk five days out of the

week and never paying a cent and they're like yeah that happens right and this lady was like see that guy over there and it was this guy with like a shopping trolley full of like all these fake plants that he had like stolen from somewhere right and i was like how did i not notice this guy when i started making the speech about what a scam it'd be oh how did you not notice him when you just walked into an art gallery and saw a man with a shopping trolley verse well i thought he was one of the pieces i thought it was like performance art he was just a drunk installation yeah so i am that's it i mean i am looking forward to am looking forward to more than likely seeing some of those kind of people at my opening and also finding it very hard to differentiate between those people and fans of this podcast that have come along.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you ready for the reviewers? Oh, yeah. Are you ready for some online bloggers? Yeah. I wonder if it'll get reviewed. Can you do me one favour?

Can I ask one request? Yeah, what do you want? Just one request. Can you please wear a beret when you're there? Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. What are the chances? Well, my dad will probably be there and he's very into a beret.

You would have seen him wearing a beret before. This doesn't stick in my head. Right. He'll probably dust off the beret. Okay. You would have seen him wearing a beret before. This doesn't stick in my head. Right. Yeah. He'll probably dust off the beret and bring it out. If you make a speech, can you put on a beret just for the speech? Yeah. Right.

I kind of like the idea of not doing a speech, though. Like, the gallery people were like, why don't you do stand-up? And I'm like, because I don't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the idea that you work on the exhibition. You know, with stand-up, you work on the jokes and everything. Yeah. And then you get to the night of.

And then the job is only half done. You have to get up and do it. Right. Whereas with this, you put all the work in. And then you have the opening. Once it's all hanging, I'm off the clock. You know what I mean? I think you're wasting an opportunity because there's a lot of goodwill in the room for you. Yeah, that's true.

If they're coming to your thing. Like you've always said you don't want to get married. This is the closest to like a wedding speech you get to make. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. So if I treat it like that. Yeah. Right.

So I'll do a speech about a woman that doesn't exist. Yeah. And end it with, she'll be back. Yeah, okay. Maybe i will say something that would make that would actually be funny if you use that as your setup for the speech and say i didn't want to make this speech but then someone told me this is this is like a wedding speech and i would never want to get married so here's my wedding speech the best man of this exhibition convinced me that i should do it yeah yeah well it's just it's mostly because the things of that ilk that I've been to,

they haven't had that. Right. They haven't had speeches, which has made me think that it's not a thing that's done. But you're a performer. That's true. It's a good reason to do it. Yeah.

If they've got a PA, if they've got a mic, all that sort of stuff, I think it would be good. Try some new. Exactly. Yeah. Man, they're there to see you. They're happy. They've got free drinks off you.

Yeah, that's fair. This is their night off. Why not, mate? Man, make the there to see you. They're happy. They've got free drinks off you. Yeah, that's fair. This is their night off. Why not, mate? Man, make the most of it. And it's something different. You get to then figure out a way of playing that situation. It'd be fun. All right, you've convinced me.

Put in a few plugs for last-minute tickets for Hobart while you're there. That's not bad. People sort out a lift to the airport for when we go to do the show. Do a funny one and I'll record it and then we'll put it in the Patreon. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay, you've convinced me. But maybe this has turned people off of like, oh, God, I've got to sit through him fucking

doing stand-up and this thing. Oh, God, I don't want to go to something and hear Tommy talking as I'm listening to him talk on a thing I'm choosing to listen to. Well, when we promote our stand-up shows, we don't get as many people to them. So that's what I'm thinking. Maybe that element traditionally scared people off. I think people who are in a podcast are not so – maybe they see stand-up as a very staid way of doing things. I think they're more into like they come to the live podcast

or if there's something weird happening, they're into it. But something like stand-up is what your dad used to listen to, you know. Is that maybe? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, maybe that is it. Maybe. I don't know. That's just a guess.

Well, then if that's the mentality towards stand-up, then I hate to see what the mentality towards an art exhibition is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I was going to mention this down the line, but I'll mention it now. So I think this is what's going to happen as part of my exhibition. I think that I'm going to have a support act. A support act artist?

Yep. Right. In the form of, some of you folks may have seen his artwork online, Nick Capper, who I was talking to about this in Samui, and he was like, oh, that's cool that you're doing an exhibition. I'd love to do something like that. And I was like, why don't you do support for me? I'll just have some of your pieces up the stairwell as people walk in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was into it. Right. support for me i'll just have some of your pieces up the stairwell as people walk in yeah yeah and he was into it right and then i went and met the uh gallery owner when i got back and i was telling her this idea and she doesn't know me previously she doesn't know him she doesn't know the world of comedy or anything she's into the idea and then she unprompted goes we've actually got a pretty big bathroom that he could hang stuff oh my god so i go in and it's like it's like a unisex bathroom that's just got like three cubicles in it but it's got it's like a pretty long kind of expansive wall kind of looking onto the cubicles

so i've talked to capper about it so he's going to do support for my he's going to have like a mini pop-up exhibition doing support for my exhibition inside the toilet at the gallery great perfect absolutely perfect so what if so i do a speech in the actual gallery yeah and and that's me opening my exhibition yeah and then as part of the pop-up exhibition that's within my exhibition we all move into the toilets yeah and we have the opening of kappa's exhibition and you get the full Kappa experience where you see the art and you smell the Kappa experience as well. And so the gallery take a commission of everything I sell. And then anything Kappa sells, I get a commission.

Oh, really? Plus then the gallery takes a commission out of that. Oh, man. So Kappa's on about 5% takings for the art that he sells. Great. That'd be good if then Kappa took that as a sort of inspiration. He could sort of, like if he knows he's creating art for the toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he can base it around that. I mean, this will be brutal if I then notice, like, man, it's pretty quiet in this gallery. I guess maybe people are going to show up later. And then I just hear all this noise coming from the toilet and it's packed. The toilet show is like killing and everyone hates my exhibition. Well, you're pushing people towards his exhibition by giving out free grog because all of a sudden their bladders get full and they're like, I think I need to take a visit to the little capper exhibition.

Well, it's the least I can do. Yeah, right. capper exhibition. Well, it's the least I can do. Yeah, right. He should get some of his drawings printed on exclusive dunny roll. What do you mean? Like get some toilet paper printed up with his illustrations on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you do that? Can you get like custom-made toilet paper? Surely that would be a thing, right? It would be a thing. I don't know if it's – you do it in small loads though. Excuse me? You know what I mean. A short run. Short runs. Right. Yeah. I don't know if it's – you do it in small loads though. Excuse me? You know what I mean. A short run, short runs.

Right. Yeah, I don't know. Look, possible. Look, if anyone can get it done, it's someone with an unlimited bank account like Nick Happer. Yeah, great, exciting. So that's mid-November. November 20. And then the exhibition runs for what, a week?

Two weeks.. November 20. And then the exhibition runs for what, a week? Two weeks. So November 20. So that's obviously the thing I want everyone to come to is the opening night. But if you can't make it for that, it'll be there until December 1st. Right. And you've got to put prices on your work, do you? I know. That's very intimidating.

That is. Yeah. Well, great. Well, my little thing I'll bring up before. Look, we'd like to thank all the Patreon subscribers, and we will do that in a minute. I'll just do a tiny little update of this. We talked about the live shows coming up,

which is Sydney on the 27th of July. It's very next day, Newcastle, 28th of July. It's Perth on the 13th of October. And just added, it is Hobart in Tasmania on the 23rd of November. Please come along. All of them selling very well. We'd love to have an absolutely full room wherever we go. We always want that.

We usually get it. That's what we want now. The end of the – ending the 2019 world tour in Hobart. Yeah. At the end of the world. the 2019 world tour in Hopeheart. Yeah. At the end of the world.

So Sydney and Newcastle are back to back coming up very soon. Newcastle, if you've been listening along to recent episodes, we are going to do the Sydney show then in the morning. We get up. I entered in Run Melbourne in a running competition fundraising event. I found out on this very show from you that that's the same day that we're in Newcastle. You need to raise funds to get a calendar. Yes.

So now I am running in Newcastle. Some people have done it online, but if someone can nail it down, and I'm doing my 10K run. It was supposed to be in Run Melbourne. I'm doing it now in Newcastle. If we can nail down a good run so I can run from somewhere in Newcastle

straight into the door at the live show at five o'clock on that very day. How many different route options have you been given? A few, but then, I don't really know Newcastle at all, but a lot of people are going, you know it's fucking really hilly, right? Jesus Christ.

And again, if you've been listening, I busted my toe the other week. And so i've literally taken the little plaster off today um and so i'm now i haven't run for a couple weeks i've got to get back into that but um uh part of the reason of doing it is of course i am raising funds for shake it up australia uh a lot of you guys uh pitched in already thank you very much for doing that. There is a link on the website if you want to jump on and contribute there. I've made a little goal of $3,500 or about $2,000 at the moment, so with a few weeks to go, it would be great if we could make that goal. That would be awesome. So if you can get on

there, click that link. Now, the little tiny bit of news this week that I was given is that Shake It Up Australia, with all those funds that you guys at home have very generously chucked in, they noticed that straight away and emailed me and went, oh, man, what's happening? You've raised a lot of funds straight away. Thank you very much for that. What can we do for you or whatever? I'm like, I don't know.

What can you do? Cure Parkinson's? Yeah, yeah. All right, it's the least we can do to say thanks. We were just going to go off and do a Parkinson's convention in Thailand with this money. But anyway, so they've sent me a singlet and a hat to run in. So I'm going to be running my little shake it up. It's amazing what you can get for $1,500 these days.

It's made of Versace, so it's pretty sweet right yeah so uh uh yeah thank you very much i'll be i'll be wearing the official merch of shake it up australia um what's it look like i just got their logo and stuff on it it's like what's their i'm gonna look this up i actually don't know what their logo you can't well you just gotta you know with something about park Parkinson's, you know, like it's partnered with the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research. So you can't do a funny little logo. Oh, right. So it's not like cartoon style, a little like wobble shaky on the side of it.

No, no. It seems like a missed opportunity. Yeah. I mean, we all know what we're here for. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't have Michael J. Fox jumping in the DeLorean. What's it called? DeLorean. DeLorean. DeLorean. What's it called? DeLorean.

DeLorean. DeLorean. Oh, la-di-da. DeLorean and going forward into the future to find the cure. Yeah. That logo's pretty nice, pretty tasteful. It's okay. It looks like an Escher painting.

It's kind of the words are all kind of different. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a... Yeah. Yeah. Anytime I see angles, I'm like, oh, fucking slow down as you mc mc angles himself um yeah so lovely thank you very much for sending that to me so i'll be running live uh running onto the live podcast in all that gear and yes

to answer the question of a lot of people being saying yes that means i will be with shorts on stage um at some point until hopefully I find pants on stage and put them on. But didn't we talk about this, that we could – We basically could have – Reverse stripper style. Yeah. So we could have like a banner for you to –

like a finish line thing for you to run to that's onto the stage. Yeah. I'm then – Yeah, I'm then on the other side of that holding open a pair of pants yeah that you then run immediately into yeah or i could just run on stage and you would be good if you're on stage by yourself and then you're like and welcome the other half of the show as i puff into the venue yeah run up the stairs and you say carl turn and i go g'day dickhead just as i jump in the air and you put a pair of pants underneath me and i jump straight into them. Right. So you freeze in midair bullet time style.

Yes. Which gives me enough time to attach the pants to you. I can't see anything going wrong with that. No. Well, done. Fuck, I really hope this is one of those things where like you shit your pants immediately after the run. I really hope it's like, you know, those marathon runners that just like their body just fucking

conks out on them. Yeah. At the finish line. I haven't, you know, look, a lot of people fit and whatever and whatever i haven't done i haven't run a 10k for a long time so um so it's it's i'm looking forward to it like i'm looking forward to doing it and then seeing what energy that means i have then on stage or how i feel or however it works yeah i mean i guess you'll be pretty like you'll be tired but i, I mean, I guess you'll be pretty, like you'll be tired, but I guess for the immediate hour afterwards you'll probably be fine.

You'll be pretty energised. Yeah. Like I did that 10K last year and I remember like just really buzzing right afterwards because it was like fun and like I hadn't run that distance consecutively ever. Yeah. So feeling like, oh, wow. And then later in the day just crashingively ever. Yep. So feeling like, oh, wow. And then later in the day, just crashing pretty hard.

Right. But for the immediately afterwards, I think the adrenaline will just like get you over the edge. Sure. And also, like you mentioned last week, we're doing a live podcast in Sydney the night before in front of 300 people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll mean some form of refreshments.

And especially this week, finding out that a friend of ours called Milan looks like he's coming up on the Sydney show as well. Yeah, right. Is he going to come to Newey? No. Right. Don't think so. I don't think his vibe.

No, I don't think there's – I don't think it seems as entertaining as Sydney for him. I think as I said, oh, does that mean you're coming to Sydney as well? He's like, fuck no. So, yeah, anyway. He might be, if anyone's betting against me finishing the 10K, the odds on that will be going right down if Milan does come. Just stay up all night, bro.

Oh, easy, dude. Cool. So, guys, jump onto the website and chuck in. Man, chuck in. You know what? Everyone has been chucking in big donations, which is very appreciated and good for you. But what we need now is a bunch of the little guys. You know what?

Don't be shown to put five bucks in. Just do that. That's great. If we had just a bunch of five buckers, it would really soar up at the moment. So that would be great. Very much appreciate it. All the people have been chucking in $69 and all that stuff. But if you've just got a spare five bucks, chuck that in.

That would be great. Lovely. All right. Let's get on to speaking of chucking in money. Here's some people that are chucking in money to a much more honourable charity. Us. Fucking hell. To cure whatever we have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. To work out, A, work out what it is, and B, then get cracking on a cure. Yeah. That's not a shotgun to the head. Yeah, right. Thank you to everyone who pitches in for our Patreon at patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. People that like that this show continues to be on air, as it were.

As we've said many times before, when people talk to us about doing these podcasts and how long we've been doing it for, and they go, oh, how did you go in the first couple of years? Like, yeah, we did it for absolutely free. We didn't do, you know, we got no money out of the first bunch of years of it. And it's like... For four years easy, I reckon. Yeah. Minimum.

If it went back to that again, we would in no way be doing that. I mean, you say that a lot that if Patreon hadn't have come along, then we wouldn't still be doing this. I also think there's an argument to be made that we're perhaps too dumb to have realised that this is a thing that we could just stop doing. Yeah. I do love the alternate reality. Yeah. It's just like, we could just stop doing. Yeah. I do love the alternate reality. It's just like we're not even doing live shows.

We're just doing this completely for free every week. But it's hard to do to go to do it and then get money for it and then go back to doing it for nothing. Oh, right. I don't know why you're – yeah, I don't know what this hypothetical is. What, that we just take ourselves off Patreon one day? Yeah, if we... Yeah, somehow. Back to just a love...

You know what? We need to get rid of the money because we're being influenced by that too much. Yeah. We need to really make it more pure for ourselves and just get back to the love of the art. No, but if everyone... What I'm saying is because I'm very thankful

for everyone that chips in. If everyone stopped chipping in... Oh, I see what you're saying. ...and we didn't get any more, we'd be like, well, fuck this. Yeah, okay. It's like getting a job and rising up through the ranks and then getting to CEO and then someone going,

actually, we don't want to pay you for that anymore. It's like, well, fuck this. What am I doing this for then? Don't you think? Just that there's a real love of the craft of being a CEO. Maybe that's what keeps you going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I see what you're saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you guys are literally responsible for us still being on the airs. The shareholders. Yes. So thank you very much for doing that. We try and give some of that love back every week by individually shouting you out. We go to a lot of effort, so much effort, in fact, that we spend most of your money on a device, on a computer program called the Unplanned Title Alternator, just to make

it absolutely fair. Yeah, you were just saying it means a lot to us that we get to do this for a living and that people enjoy and appreciate the show enough to chip in. But those are just mere words. And that only goes so far. And so what better way to really show our appreciation

than by the physical manifestation of a large device that we cart to other cities, both in Australia and around the world manifestation of a large device that we cart to other cities, both in Australia and around the world. We have to spend thousands of dollars of our own money refurbishing it and getting the software updates. I'm, of course, talking about the unplanned title alternator, the way that keeps it fair for us, reading out names every week.

It's when you see that old footage of uh you know you see that old footage of computers in the 70s and they go oh you know what you what you've got in your iphone today this is this is how big of a machine it had to be in the 70s and they'll show a computer the size of a room yeah well that's where they're still at with the unplanned title alternator um technology they're still at that stage of the computer filling up a full room. The unplanned title alternator fills a room, but 40 years time, that's what the iPhone will be. Yeah. You know, people will be saying, you know, the technology.

Oh, right, right. This unplanned title alternator used to take up a whole room. Yes. And now it fits in your hand. Yeah. But we're decades away from that. Now just several hundred names can fit in like an iPhone-shaped device. But back then.

Yeah, several hundred. Yeah, yeah. A huge number. Yeah, yeah. You could read any number of these that you want. At this point, just so you know, for people that subscribe at home, your name is about six foot long inside this computer, I think, at the moment. Yeah.

So thank you very much for being part of that and being jam-packed in the computer um and i guess it's time to uh read out the first one this week can i ask a question quickly before we begin sure well okay but it might cut down the amount of uh names we read this week that's a risk i'm willing to take okay um it's been a while since we've heard from the adjudicators. Yes, it is. They haven't really bothered us for a while. Nothing. Are they like, do they just trust us now? Well, I assume so.

I mean, they're really only, I mean, there's not a lot of, you know, lottery draws where you see one of the guys stand up and go, no, 37, that's not correct. You're right. It's almost like anything could be getting by them. Yeah. And then just having no idea. What are you complaining about? You know, like your plane going smoothly. Like you don't notice it when it's all going smoothly.

So don't, you know, don't, you know, touch wood that we never hear from the adjudicators because that could be a fucking disaster. Yeah, okay. No, I just was wondering if maybe they, yeah, maybe they wanted to poke their heads back in this week, but, you know. Well, I just was wondering if maybe they wanted to poke their heads back in this week. Hopefully not. Okay. Hopefully they might come halfway through.

I mean, it would be an awful coincidence if something like that happened this week now. I hate that gotcha adjudicating where they just spring it on you at the last minute. Well, let's try and do the right thing. And like I said, it's better if we never hear from them. Yeah, I agree. That means things are going absolutely perfectly. Anyway, sorry. Sorry for that needless deviation.

Yep. Dare I ask, I mean, you're the one watching the clock. I have no idea. How many, you mentioned possibility of a reduced number of names how many have we got the time for now well put it this way it was looking at

double figures but now I don't think we have time for that wow so like nine then because that's officially one less than double figures

well you no technically you're right yeah yeah thank you but the more we talk about the figure going down oh right the less time we have so it's down to eight now.

Well, look, I didn't even guarantee it was at nine. And I certainly didn't guarantee it was eight. And now I would almost guarantee. What are you guaranteeing that it's at then? There's no... Oh, I'm trying to shut this conversation down because I can see on the computer and the time we've got, it's literally going down as we talk

after how many names we have time for. Yeah, right. I know how time works. I mean, you can see on the six-foot number that's on our huge computer, you can see how many names yourself. If you turn your head slightly... I've got my back to it.

It's the one LCD display that's on the computer. Right. That huge six-foot number just there, that's the amount of names that we can have time for now this week. That huge one there. Yeah, that huge number. That huge number right in front of you. But this can't be right.

Why? What does it say, Tommy? I mean, we've mentioned my new glasses. Maybe I need a new prescription because I swear to God, my eyes must be deceiving me. Put it this way. That is not an s that's not an s that's what i was confused about yeah right right we don't have s names left

we have to do the entirety of every person that subscribes to us that has an s in their name it's yeah it's it's not um it's not algebra. That S doesn't stand for a number. It's actually a number itself. Well, I mean, I guess... Capisce? Unless my grade one education is failing me, I guess that means we're doing five names this week. All right, then. Well, let's...

You know what? Let's... I might need to make a backup of the... I might need to print out the names this week because the amount of rot we've gone on with, I do believe the batteries on the unplanned title alternator are about to run out. Why didn't you bring the charger for the unplanned title alternator?

Look, that's a... You know what? I really didn't think that we would talk for this long and it would suck that much. Well, that is extremely foolish of you. Yes, I know. I know. I would lend you the charger that I have for my unplanned title.

Oh, you have one. But unfortunately, it's a different – yours has the – what is it? What type of plug is it? I don't know. Is it the same as that one over there? That one sitting on the bench? Yes. USB-C? That? Is it? Yeah. Is it the same as that one over there? That one sitting on the bench? Yes. USB-C.

That? Is it? Yeah. Is it? No, I don't think it is. Okay. That's a shame. I didn't even know we had a backup unplanned title alternator.

Well, I've got an older one. Oh, right, right, right. Oh, that's the old one that we had before. Yeah. Right. Okay. All right. Let's get on to it.

Fucking hell. Yeah. Right. Okay. All right. Let's get on to it. Fucking hell. I love theatre. So, thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh. Carla Carroll. Carla Carroll. Yeah. Wow.

The gal so nice they named her twice. I love this. That's a bit like if my name was, you know, Tommy Tim. Right. Kind of. Right. You know, Carol. Tamina Tim.

Yeah. Carla Carol. I mean, that really is, it's like you take the letters from the first name and then you sort of jumble them up, you mix them up. Yeah, it's a little bit like that. And then, you know, it's like it spits out a different thing at the end. I love that.la carol yeah it's a bit um you know how like in the in the marvel comic books at the very least how uh stanley would just create every character to have like the same first letter on

both their names what's that called again you hate it talk about it all the time but i can't remember is it alliteration alliteration that's it that's it every character is like alliterated in that so that's she said is she is she a secretary at um the the fucking daily bugle or right carla carol carol carol i love it i mean i'll be honest i'm in love oh really yeah from someone who hated alliteration now you're in love yeah but this but this is like fruity enough that it kind of i do like it yeah it i do like the idea of going steady with a cartoon character yeah me too yeah which one we've must have had this discussion before yeah we would have which cartoon character would you smash well there's there's there'd be a there'd be a few i I mean, Veronica from the Archie comics. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Betty and Veronica. Yeah. She was part of my awakening as a child. Okay. Who else? I mean, the obvious one is, what's her name? Jessica Rabbit. Oh, big time.

Yeah. She wasn't a rabbit, though, was she? She was just a person. Like, that was her married name. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah. She marries Roger Rabbit. Yeah. I guess she's technically a person, was she she was just a person like that was her married name well yeah yeah yeah she marries roger rabbit yeah i guess she's technically a person even though she's a cartoon that's what i found weird in that movie yeah it's like there's humans and then cartoons oh yeah some of these cartoons are of humans yeah right i don't that kind of always that kind of always bothered me right yeah that makes sense what happens like cartoons are a race

Right. Yeah, that makes sense. It's like cartoons are a race. So they, in that, I mean, I haven't seen that movie for a long time, so I presume you don't see them rooting at any stage. No. Right. But surely they do in that world.

It's assumed that that's what's happening. I think it's been a little while since I watched it. I think it's kind of alluded to that they don't. Oh, really? Yeah, because I think there's a bit where Bob Hoskins' character is saying to her, you know, what do you want out of a little rabbit like that? And she just goes, he makes me laugh. Right.

So there's a bit of an implication that they're not fucking. I don't know well that's the i wouldn't i wouldn't say that i would say that's just not her primal urge i know but that's part of it but there's a i i don't know i kind of interpreted that as like there is other stuff in there yeah yeah getting to that right um but hey good excuse to go in on a re-watch, I reckon. Right. Just to make sure that there's no rooting in. Yeah.

Poor over the deleted scenes on the DVD. Yeah. That's probably, I reckon that's in my top five of favourite movies. Really? It's a great movie.

I love it. Wow. I re-watched it maybe, probably about two years ago and it holds up. It's really good. Yeah. I remember liking it. Is Christopher Lloyd the baddie in. It's really good. Yeah. I remember liking it.

Who was, is Christopher Lloyd the baddie in it? Yeah. Right. Yeah. And even from a technical standpoint too of like,

for it being pretty old and the whole thing of cartoons and people side by side, being very believable for the idea where, for the time where they'll make those kinds

of movies now and they can't get it to look realistic. Right. That a CGI thing is get it to look realistic. Right. That a CGI thing is interacting with a real person. Right, right, right. But that's like they've got basically no technology. Yeah. And it still holds up.

Yeah. I remember they did some good work with shadows and the cartoon characters. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Betty Rubble? Betty Rubble? Yep.

Yep. Betty Rubble from the Flintstones? Yep. I don't know if there's any more I don't know You'd be You'd have some more modern cartoon references than me I'd imagine Here's my top three Right

Locked and loaded, ready to go Bebop and Rocksteady From the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Okay, yep And then the Billy Cart from Ginger Megs Top three hottest cartoon characters. Okay. So you wanted to fuck a billy cart.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. So like a homemade sort of a couple of bits of wood with wheels attached. It's like a kink thing. So I lie down naked on the road. Okay. And billy cart kind of comes at me down a hill and just runs over me.

Oh. Okay. That's even weirder than what I thought. So it's like a dom sub thing. I sort of got it before, but now I'm starting to think it's weird. What bit of it's weird? Well, you're lying at the bottom of a hill waiting for a car to run you over. That's weird.

Well, you're just describing the thing that I just said. I'm asking you to tell me what's weird about it. I don't know. I'm not a fucking freak like you. I'm still trying to work out if a rabbit fucked a woman. Wouldn't it be great talking about this exhibition and i'm saying it's all it's all new work that i'm doing it's not going to be like the posters for this or it's not going to be stuff from my instagram yeah and then people come and it's just every weird sex thing we've ever put on the show illustrated it's just it's me getting fucked by a No, it's just you fucking different cartoon animals.

And you're not drawing you. It's just you've posed for photos and then you've just drawn cartoon characters that you're rooting. So you mean it... So it is Who Framed Roger Rabbit style. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. Who fucked Tommy Dasolo? It's me and the cover's me and you know the cab?

You know, what's his name? The cartoon cab? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not in it. I'm behind it with my dick in the tailpipe. All right. Can you make... Is there another room?

Is there another toilet? Yeah. Is there a dungeon? In the disabled toilet within Kappa's exhibition... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you make a smaller exhibition called Who Fucked Tommy Daslow? Well, I mean, I've got to put it to him because I can only... You've got to sublease his space.

I've granted him the license to have a pop-up within mine. Right, right, right. It's not up to me to be auctioning off his exhibition space. Right. I highly request it, please. I'll just ask him to make that one of his drawings. You have a separate exhibition because it's its own self-contained exhibition because it's got a door on it and everything.

Yeah, yeah, in one specific cubicle. In the disabled toilet, in the bigger one. So you've got a bit more room to move in there. Right. Both as an art appreciator and there's more room for you to flex your creative bones so to speak. But I would feel a little bad about like anyone that does need to use the disabled bathroom for

legitimate reasons being unable to get in there because all the hoi polloi are in there. Mona Lisa style like 10 deep take getting out the iPhone. Wow Tommy's eyes as he's fucking Porky Pig really follow you around the iPhone. Wow, Tommy's eyes as he's fucking Porky Pig really follow you around the room.

Now this is the thing I'm looking forward to the most about the exhibition. I insist upon this. I'm sorry. It's nice to have your support. Thanks, Carla. Nice now that I've thrown a few fucked spanners into the works

that I can actually guarantee your attendance, which previously I was only 50-50 on. Thanks, Carla. Thanks, Carla. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Harry Caddy. Fucking hell, this is a great week. I know, isn't it? This really is a great week i know this really is a great honestly i mean if i was to look ahead i would you know hope that there's some more to come quality can be maintained yeah wow i think we almost lost this to i know poor poor battery

management this is making up for the emotional abuse I suffered within the main app. Yeah. This has lifted my spirits right up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on fucking cloud nine. Harry Caddy. Harry Caddy. Harry Caddy. What do you reckon the family home was called growing up? Oh.

See where I'm going? Yep. I get it. The Caddy House. Yeah. Animal House. I like it. Damn.

That's very funny though Like when Not sure if we brought it up before But like you know People People's Family history Going back to like

What they used to do For a living Way back generations ago But it's always like Ironmonger And blacksmith And stuff like that Not

Not fucking The cunt that took Sand wedges out of A fucking golf bag Yeah yeah Oh we gotta keep this In the family history But I guess How out of a fucking golf bag. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we've got to keep this in the family history. But I guess, how old of a game is golf? Is golf like one of those...

A couple hundred. One of those things that's been around for... Yeah, yeah. It's like Scottish originally, so it goes back. It's old school. It is that old? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's old.

I mean, I guess it's like just looking out over a field and thinking, imagine fucking just trying to hit a little ball as far as you can just over that hill. Yeah. I mean, that's classic. But you don't, you know, you got Harry Caddy. We've never got fucking Peter Golfer subscribing. Like, Golfer's not a fucking surname, is it? So it's weird that the Caddy is the name that's endured rather than Golfer.

Rather than Golfer. Yeah. To think we've got to let future generations know that we once got the bucket of sand out when someone hit a big fucking hole in the ground and said, replace your divot, governor. And you saying that we've never had a golfer subscribe. This is kind of like the other week when we were talking about that mining magnate that we had subscribing. Right. The Telfer family dynasty of mines.

So, I mean, I guess golf on the whole is kind of a more upper class sport. Right. But, you know, the caddy, you know, they're carrying someone's clubs around. Yep. You know, so they're not the big earner. So why don't we have golfers? They've got the money. This guy is basically a servant.

He's able to kick in. Haz are over here. That would be... That's so weird. And also, just have his first name, Harry Caddy. It's like a vocal warm-up or something. Harry Cad Just have his first name, Harry Caddy. It's just a... Let's have his first name. Harry... It's like a vocal warm-up or something. Harry Caddy, Harry Caddy, Harry Caddy.

It's fun to say. I imagine it's fun to look at. You know? Also, a guy with the same... You know, it's set up the same way. You've got... Exactly. You've got a Y on the end.

Yep. You've got the double consonants as your second and third last letters. And you've got an A as your second letter. I love it. And then you've just got another consonant at the start. It's like a fucking duplicate almost. The symmetry of this is beautiful. Now this is a cartoon character name.

Yes. 100%. Carla Carroll might as well be real life now. Yeah. Or like a fashion brand. Oh, yeah. I can see this being a thing where it's like, you know, you travel or you see a shop where you're like,

I've never heard of this before. And then you do a bit of a Google and you find out like, this is some pretty high class shit. And that's Carla Carroll though, yeah? No, no, no. I reckon that's Harry Caddy. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

I reckon Harry Caddy is like a sportswear brand that, you you know you go to a part of the world that you haven't been before and it's like no it's huge here i say that is more of a bit of a ben sherman type operation oh yeah yeah i mean that's still a big brand no no no but it's a bit more like uh a bit more casual a bit more for the boys yeah yeah okay in english for the boys right you you might get yourself a little ironic uh union jack uh uh vest i see what you're saying something like that yeah you might get yourself a little flat cap there so you think carla carol that's like the kind of high class thing for ladies mid mid and upper yeah yeah and upper maybe yeah yeah i mean you're still gonna sit at a shopping center yeah it's not you're not seeing it and, you know, the Paris end of any high street.

You mean more like a sort of a Gorman kind of. I don't really know what that is. That kind of, that's a ladies brand, clothing brand. I wouldn't know. Not too, not too high up. Yeah. No. But like still like it's nice.

Like it's known as a good brand. Yeah. That seems to fit that description. Yes. And then Harry Caddy is... Yeah. For the lads, I reckon. For the lad wear brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot of mods getting around in Harry Caddy. Yeah. Polo's done all the way up to the top. You might be in Harry Caddy and you might be waiting for someone to try on their corduroy jeans that they want to buy. waiting for someone to try on their corduroy jeans that they want to buy. And then you're sitting there waiting in the changing room and you might flick through an old issue of Loaded as you're waiting. Thanks, Harry. Thanks, Harry.

All right, what do we got this one? Fucking hell. I know. We have brain damage. Thank you, DuPage. I'm just hearing a name and going, what kind of fashion label would this be? Honestly, I have brain damage. Thank you, Dupecha. Just hearing a name and going, what kind of fashion label would this be? Honestly, I have not...

Is this a stacked deck this week? You check the adjudicators. I have not tampered with the machines. But they're not here, so I have no way of knowing that. They are here. They're in the corner. Oh, they are? They're stuck in.

Yes, they're always here. They're always here. Yeah, you just don't look around ever. Well, I'm fixated on that huge number. Right, yeah. That big S. Yes. Take it to Patreon subscriber Mike Steele.

This is real. These people are real. Mike Steele. It really is. I mean, honestly, it's like fucking Saturday Disney in here. It's just, it's a real, it's a murderer's row of cartoon characters. Do you know what I think? Mike Steele.

Mike Steele. Private detective. Yeah. Well, not private detective as much as this. You know when you have like porn stars. I guess they don't do it as much anymore, I assume. Porn? Yeah.

You know what porn is, right? Yeah, you think they don't do it that much anymore. No, let me finish. Not literally, but... Cut someone off mid-sentence. Yeah. What a foolish thing to have said. Comedy.

You didn't wait for the full stop, you idiot. Like in that movie, they had Jack Horner. You have punny names about people's anatomy. You know, stuff like that. Oh, does that happen anymore? I don't know if that would happen anymore. That seems like a bit of an old school way of doing things. I don't know if they still do that.

Probably. And I guess, I mean, I thought for a long time that the era of people kind of knowing specific porn stars was kind of done right with the proliferation of how people consume porn being yes free on those sorts of sites yeah but then i was listening to something recently about a porn star that was that kind of put you know through that theory aside like there are still like famous porn like people do still get attachment to like one and there's those conventions and stuff you, where weirdos go and get photos signed and shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought everyone was just, like, anonymous now. Right. I thought the era of porno celebrity was done for. Yeah, I mean, it shouldn't. I think people are not, I think they're not earning as much from, like, stuff anymore. I think it's a lot harder to make money. Yeah. But, of course, with the internet, it's a lot easier to become famous.

So... Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah. I guess porno stars would have Patreons as well, I guess. They do, yeah. Yeah, they must have. Yeah. You see, there's, like, a lot on Twitter and stuff...

Right. ...that are just like, hey, here's, you know, here's 10 seconds of a little vid. Right. But if you want access to the... I'll put up videos like every week or whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah right well what my point being is you see like there was an old school uh porn star called peter north and so that was like a vague you know north as in north pole or or he's he's going north as in erect um and look that's that's that's not it

couldn't really work out the meaning of that because I was like, North's like up. Yeah, right. Well, I would say that's even a bit of a stretch as it were. But like there's plenty of punny sort of titled actors. Like with it going down towards their penis or being a pun about their penis or whatever. Yeah. So like Johnny Cock. Great pun.

Sort of. You know, Rock Hard. I don't think there's a guy called Rock Hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah Cock. Great pun. Sort of. You know, Rock Hard. I don't think there's a guy called Rock Hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuff like that. I can't think of any of those guys' names at the moment. But anyway. But I feel like this guy, Mike Steele, I feel like he –

that's a name if you were trying to do like a parody of like a open mic comedian because it's mike steel as in like you're talking about you're talking about the thing that you use when you do comedy the mic and it's made of steel yeah yeah you know what i mean yep yeah it's like the porn star name of comedy oh so yeah right right or it's even it's the name of the comedian in the porno. Oh, yes. Right, right, right. So he does stand up and then he's backstage. Right.

Like he fucks someone after the gig or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it also does, it is a little porno in a weird way. Like Steel, you know what I mean? It's a very powerful kind of. Right. So in that porno with Mike Steel in it, he's on stage and he gets heckled. And he goes, hey, look, I don't interrupt you at your work.

I don't come down and knock the dick out of your mouth down at the docks. Yeah. And then the person in the crowd goes, well, why don't I come and do that right now? And then walks up and sucks him off on stage. On stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're up the back giving them the life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I wrap it up. Blowing up at him when he comes on. Someone else is getting their dick sucked for five minutes. Right, right. Yeah, due coming on stage right now. Yep, yep. That's Mike Steele. Yep.

Yeah, what could... I mean, that's... I don't know. Maybe that's... I don't know if that quite works, like getting sucked off mid-gig. But what would the... What's a legitimate plot of the stand-up comedy porno,

which surely exists somewhere in the world? Well, I would say we just follow around Tommy Little and just map whatever happens to him. Yeah, okay. I'd say that. Yeah, yeah. That would be a wilder porno than anything we could think of right now. You know what it could be?

It's like so Mike Steele goes on, does too long at the gig, room runner, you should have finished on time, you know? Then he's like, how can I make it up to you? Oh, right.

Then it's like, you know, well now this is somewhere where I'm fine with you taking too long. Right, right, right. It'd be a bit of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I guess that is pretty inside baseball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I guess that is pretty inside baseball.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just this, that is very funny to do a porno that's set in a workplace and it's like very specific. It's all this stuff about the workplace that like no one would know if they're not into it. But people like that's like, you know, they made pornos about like Seinfeld and stuff and it's like, what are you going to do here? Like who's going to fuck who?

How are you going to make someone who, you know, or I guess Jerry's going to fuck Elaine. But like what are you going to do here? Like, who's going to fuck who? How are you going to make someone who, you know, or I guess Jerry's going to fuck Elaine. But like, what are you going to do with Kramer? Like, all of a sudden the soup Nazi was rooting someone in that porno. And, you know, it's like, how are you actually going to get the sex out of these characters? Well, that is a good specific example where there's only one female character. So it's just Elaine getting fucked by everyone.

But I guess they would just, they would have a Jerry girlfriend. They probably would set it around the time that George is with his... Wife, girlfriend, whatever. Yeah, wife that he kills. Fiance. Fiance, yeah. You know, you'd probably see Frank and Estelle Costanza banging. Yeah, yeah.

Don't they often take like the episode where George goes and sees his mum in the hospital after she catches him jacking off? Yeah. So that's one thing. You'd see him beating off maybe. Or it'd cut to like a dream sequence where he's like imagining. There's not too many pornos where you're just seeing a guy jacking his dick. No, but you'd see like,

it'd be like him fantasizing while he's jacking off. And the scene would just be like his imagination. Ah, okay, that's good. But so then when he goes to the hospital to visit his mum. Hang on, are we working at a Seinfeld porno reboot? Yes. Yeah, right, right. But so then you know that episode when he goes and sees his mum in hospital

and there's the woman getting the sponge bath in the bed next to her. So then there would be something where he ends up joining in. That wouldn't just be him observing it. Or maybe it would just cut onto the other side of the thing and you would just see them start fucking. Or maybe your final scene was like a reimagining of that episode, the contest, and they're all just rock hard, ready to go, and they all give in and just have an orgy.

Orgy, yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, that's good. that's not a bad one. Can we wrap this up so I can have some time alone? Yes. All right, thanks, Mike. Thanks, Mike. Thanks, Mike Steele. All right, here we go again.

Wow. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Barry Honey. Barry Honey. Yeah. Barry Honey, repeat offender on the socials this one has been leaping out at me

for a long time yeah have we not done him before I don't think so no okay yeah we have no way

of checking no no I really don't do you want to borrow some double A's and maybe have a check I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure

we haven't done this Barry Honey is such a good name yeah it's so good yeah this must be a pseudonym we haven't done this. Barry Honey is such a good name. Yeah. It's so good. This must be a pseudonym. This can't be this guy's real name.

We've said that four times now this week. No, the others I all kind of buy. Like, they're good, but they're... Mike Steele? Mike Steele I buy. Yeah, weirdly enough. Harry Caddy? Carla Carroll? Can we...

What sort of a week are we having where Carla Carroll is the most absolute normal name? Can we try and... We need to get all these people together. The former Hanna-Barbera cartoon? Honestly, like, we need to find... If these people all live in the same place, fingers crossed they're all from Melbourne and we can just, like, get them together. We can get them together along with our Will Ferrell lookalike.

Actually, you know what? Isn't, you know, in Seinfeld's movie Bee Movie, right, the main bee is called Barry. Barry, yeah. I don't think it's called Barry Honey, but that would be a good name for it. No, I think his name's Barry Benson or something like that. I don't know. Barry Honey. By the way, I just want to bring this up because I know that people will be commenting on it from their main app.

You kept pronouncing it as Will Ferrell. Right. And I think it's Will Ferrell. Okay. I just wanted to make it clear that I was aware that that could be one of those things that will probably drive someone insane where they're like, why is no one commenting on this? Okay, yeah, sure. Because in my head, it sounds like it's your association is like pharrell williams okay and you're like starting to say that right and

then remembering that it was a different name every time okay i could be wrong but i think it's feral probably is maybe i'm maybe i'm wrong yeah i don't know maybe this is the bit that's annoying people will pharrell williams yeah yeah now that's a good character yeah yeah like like more cowbell but it's actually good yeah yeah yeah it'd be i wish i knew more nrd songs off the top of my head but like one of their lyrics but he's just like screaming it in the world for yeah yeah straight lines but but funnier and not about rape yeah yeah not lines. What's it called? Blurred lines. Straight lines is a silver chair song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Barry Honey.

I mean, this really is, this is a hard, I mean, this is too good. Yeah. You know what I mean? This guy, what do you say? This guy's been to live shows

and he is a Everton supporter, which is the crosstown rivals of Liverpool Football Club. And he's been very nice enough to do a bit of gentle ribbing without being one of these dickheads that goes over the top or anything. Ah, really? Knows the line.

Knows where the line is. Yeah, yeah. And also good enough to, as an Everton supporter, know his place. Okay. As in they're not that much of a job. Right. But very nice of him. He came to a live show and gave me a pair of Liverpool socks, which I wore.

He'll be happy to know this. I wore on the morning that I got up and watched us win the Champions League a month ago. Your lucky socks. Yeah, so Barry, honey, thank you for the good luck there. Good on him. Yeah, you caused us to get number six in the trophy cabinet. Thank you very much for that.

Barry is just an incredibly funny name. It's weird that Barry hasn't been outlawed as a name by now. Yeah. It's just a name that's like We talk a lot about this about like kind of old people names. Yeah. I think it's just kind of outlawed itself. Right.

Where no parent now in 2019 is going. Barry. Barry also sounds like an abbreviation, but for what? Barrents? Yeah. There's no – it sounds like an abbreviation, but it's not. Barry holds a special place in my heart,

and I suspect for a lot of people of my age. Maybe you might not remember these. Do you remember the old ads for Yogo on the TV that were all clay animated? Vaguely, yeah. They were great. They would do like a new one every year or something and they were like these kind of like in the space of about two minutes like a full cartoon with like a crazy plot with the yoga gorilla having to track down someone that's stolen all this yoga and a recurring part of them was that there was this lizard that would be on the phone like he's kind of like a wall Street kind of style character where he's on the phone doing a big business call

and he's screaming at someone called Barry. And then every time he's doing this, he then notices in the background this big action scene is happening and his car gets crushed. And so the catchphrase of all of the ads is him going, Barry, Barry, and then noticing that and going, I'll get back to you, Barry. That's a classic catchphrase from the schoolyard.

Oh, really? So the name Barry, I mean, I've got to be honest, I probably would consider it for a kid. Right. Just because of its attachment to yoga. Also, I mean, one of the best childhood lunchbox treats going around when I was growing up. Right.

Is it still going around now? Yoga. Yeah. I think it still exists, yeah. Right, right, okay. So that surprises me that you're not across Yogo. Do you like pudding? Yep.

Get a Yogo. I think... Get a Yogo up here. I think it's... I think it was... I was a bit too old for it. As in, I don't want to be seen buying children's desserts. So put like some, you know, red velvet on the packaging or something maybe.

But I'm not buying... What are you talking about? You eat M&M's nearly every time I'm hanging out with you. Yeah, yeah. That's partially fair. M&M's are fucking good. You have the diet of a 10-year-old that's just gotten back from the Royal Melbourne show. Yeah, it's not unfair.

I'm not arguing against that. Nah, try a yoga. I reckon you'll like it, especially the ones where it's like the pudding in one side of the carton and then on the other side, it's got a little thing of chalk chips. Nah. You can like empty it. You've lost me already. Well, you don't have to have it.

I'm just saying. Try the regular yoga and then you can like scale up from there. Don't. Not into that. Not into that stuff. Not into that rot. No. Chalk chips in stuff that's like almost liquid.

It's just like Oh this is nice Oh what the fuck There's a fucking rock in here It's I hate that That mixture of textures Open your mind man No I typically do agree with you

Like a cold rock When people get like gummy beans And shit put in their ice cream That I'm not into The dumbest That cold rock stuff Yeah Oh yeah

You've got cool ice cream How about we just Put in stuff that's nice by itself And ruin both of them Yeah Nah Well look it would be remiss of us not to go into this quickly. Honey, where do you stand on it?

Oh, that's a good question. Look, I've always been a bit fussy and I've never been a big honey fan. I am into it, but that being said, I would go years without having it. I very rarely ever have it. You know what? I'm way better now than I was growing up, but I'm you know I'm very I've always been I'm way better now than I was growing up but I was a very fussy eater

I would say you're still pretty fussy yeah yeah sure but I'm saying I was worse yeah I've gotten better yeah I was

I don't know how my mum put up with it so I'm I'm like I said I'm way better now. I'm very happy to be way better now. That's crazy to me that you were worse. Yeah.

I think I've only ever seen you eat about three things. Really? Yeah. No, I'm not that bad. No, I'm not that bad, am I? I don't know. In my personal experience, in the things that I've observed you eating, just based on my own experience,

I've only ever seen an extremely limited palate. Yeah, I don't know. Look, I'm happy to be judged by others. There's no use in me judging me. I think I've gotten a lot better over the years. But I love that thing of like you get onto a new thing where you just go, oh, my whole world's changed. You know, I thought I hated this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was wrong.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are certain things that I would be like a child with. If someone said, here, eat this, I'd be like, no. Yeah. No, I can't do that. Yeah. I can't. Why not?

Like a sandwich that my mum made for you. No, I just – but that was obvious. I told you why. Yeah. I was not eating bread, but – Yeah, but you also said you don't like duck. Even if you had have been eating bread, I think you may have turned – I would have been – I would have eaten it.

I'm not that against it. All right. I'm like – you know, I'm not that bad. What's an example? What's a food right now that you just would refuse to eat? Like a – I'm not a big fan of the texture of tomato. Okay. So if there's tomato in a sandwich, I'd be like, can we immediately take that out?

Okay. If I, if I ordered a sandwich and it was up there and it said on the board with tomato, I would immediately go without the tomato, please. Actually, yeah. I think every time I've had a burger with you, I don't think I've ever seen you order a burger from a store and just get it as is. No. There's always a severe, a laundry list of moderations that need to be done.

There is certainly a take out the, I'd rather go without the tomato sauce. Really? Yes. Wow. Yep. And probably whatever comes with it, a gherkin or whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah.

That's pretty much it. That's the laundry list. That's me looking to take out tomato and gherkin or whatever it is. It comes with it. So that. There's your example. Okay. Yet, I do love a good tomato soup.

Interesting. Yeah. I am fascinating. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you should be studied. A lot of people tell me that.

Barry Honey. Well, thanks that Barry Honey Well thanks Barry Thanks Barry This is ticking along Yeah alright I've got to get to the gym soon Yep I need a fucking pump iron Who's iron?

One of the trainers Alright we've got one left We've got one left For this week then If you've got to go Well Well I mean first of all It's what the big number said

Big number S Yes S number of names This is the S Yep One this week Well you know It's been a real

Gut buster of a week With the names There's been a real I mean something in Sync what do you call it? Synchronicity. Synchronicity. Is that it? Is that the word?

In the feel of these names. Yeah. Hasn't it? Don't you think? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, guys, if you're any of the people that we just read out, block your ears.

Some absolutely fucking ridiculous names for some completely fucking moronic people. It feels like. Okay, uncover your ears. Some absolutely fucking ridiculous names for some completely fucking moronic people. Okay, uncover your ears. Yeah. It feels like all the people we've read out so far have been behind the wheel in the wacky races. Yes. Yes. All right. Look, and this fifth one.

And it can't. Well, sorry to interject, but I was about to speculate. Odds are. There's no way we can keep this up. Well, you would have said that after the... Maybe the second one. You've definitely said that after the third one. Yet, we got the fourth one.

That's even less. The odds are shrinking every time. I know, but... Look, look. I'm going to have to say, as they say in the classics, they've done it again. Really? Maybe if we had time to do the sixth one this week, we could have broken the seal.

Yeah, we would have broken the streak. But I'm glad that we're not. Yeah. So the unplanned title alternator, it's, you know, it's something's... What do you call this? Do you call this fate? Do you call this divine intervention? Some weeks we have clunkers.

Some weeks we have five dud names. We've had five entertaining names this week. Yeah. So that's just what it is. Yeah. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Clementine Comedy. Wow.

I tried to warn you. Clementine. Clementine. Clem Comedy. Yeah. Clem, Clem. Clementine. Clem, Clem, Clem Comedy.

What do you think about that? I mean, first of all, let's talk about the elephant in the room. Comedy. Weird surname. Weird surname. I've got to be honest. Like, sure, in any other week, this probably would have stuck out as being a bit peculiar. This is only the fifth weirdest name this week.

Is that what you're saying? But after it's coming off the back of Reggie Fuckknuckle, or whatever we just heard, this sort of just blends into the wallpaper. Clarence Clitoris and whoever else was on this week. Clarence Clitoris. Now, I write this down. That's going in the funny, fellas.

Clarence Clitoris has got to be in there. You know what that is? That's just a simple joke as you go in the post office and there's like a missing sign. It's Clarence Clitoris has got to be in there. You know what that is? That's just a simple joke as you go in the post office and there's like a missing sign and it's Clarence Clitoris. No one can find him. Good stuff, everyone. What if your Will Ferrell lookalike's guy's name is Will Ferrell is Clarence Clitoris?

And we're trying to find him. And it's like just a bunch of guys going, where is he? And all the girls going, we know where he is. What are you talking about? Just to deviate quickly, I fucking cannot wait to see the response to that pic when we put it up. Well, look, when you hear this immediately, I'll give it a day just so everyone's very much juiced for it. Oh, yeah, chomping at the bit. Because some people don't listen to this show for a day or two

before it comes out. So I don't want to just have people's first thing they see on the Wednesday go, oh, who's this cunt? Really building the hype. Let's set a – you should set like an exact time that you're going to put it up. Right. Friday morning, 9 a.m., Australian Eastern Standard Time. It's going live.

Friday morning. Friday morning, 9 a.m. That's. It's going live. Friday morning. Friday morning, 9am. That's a full two days after the Eps been out. Guys, line up out the front of Facebook. Get in your sleeping bags out the front of Zuckerberg's house. All you hypebeasts out there waiting for the latest drop from Supreme. No, don't get too excited because then you'll be a little bit disappointed. This is not a guy.

It's not like you're going to see a picture of Snow White and go, that's fucking nothing like Will Ferrell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a guy that doesn't look like Will Ferrell or Will Ferrell. Yeah, that's true. I'm worried that I'm overhyping. Yeah, yeah, don't. It's just funny.

It is funny. It's funny. Yeah, it's a funny photo. As you heard on the episode, fuck, Ronnie was in tears laughing at it. So anyway, yeah. I mean, the dream is the next drop of merch that we do is just T-shirts with this guy on. That would be good. That truly is the dream.

That would be good. You know what I'd rather it happen is... And then that's how we find him. He just sees one of our listeners wearing his shirt with him on it. I would love that it's a running joke that everyone that gets in a cab from now on just tries to con the taxi driver into thinking that he's Will Ferrell. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And get a picture.

Or, you know, a picture and give a different name. And so just all these taxi drivers are going around with all these stupid stories about meeting these huge famous people. I think it's better if it's all Will Ferrell. Yeah, yeah, okay. Then that doing the rounds in like, you know, the taxi networks of them going, yeah, yeah.

How fucking often is this guy in Australia? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great, great. All right, thanks Clementine. Sorry Clementine, sorry we can't, you know, chew in on that one a bit more but like I said,

any other week it would have stuck out but, you know, we're just a bit clapped out at the end of this. Just a garden variety name at this point. This week, yeah. Well, thank you to everyone who supports the show on Patreon. Very, very much appreciated by us, as we said up the top. littledumbdumbclub.com for links to the Patreon,

links to all the tickets to the live shows that we have coming up. Come see us if we're coming to you. Looking forward to all of those shows. Chip in to the Run shows that we have coming up. Come see us if we're coming to you. Looking forward to all of those shows. Chip in to the Run Melbourne in Newcastle event. Keep November the 20th free for my exhibition. A lot of plugs this week. We will see you next time with another episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. But until then, thanks for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates.