The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 459 - Fiona O'Loughlin & Josh Earl

Episode Date: July 24, 2019

It's the return of our most intriguing guest FIONA O'LOUGHLIN and the Bad Boy of Comedy JOSH EARL! We dive deep into Fiona's career to do a full assessment of where she's at and what bridges she may have burnt. It's a no-holds barred peek behind the showbiz curtain. PLUS in Talking Dum Dum we slag off some fish and chip restaurants.SYDNEY! Big live podcast and stand-up show. July 27, 7:30pm.NEWCASTLE! It's our first time doing a podcast in your city. July 28, 5pm.PERTH! We're coming back with our yearly massive show. October 13, 4pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Josh Earle and Fiona O'Loughlin. First of all, we've got to let you know about a couple of things that we have coming up. If you are listening to this hot off the presses and you're in New South Wales, our shows are this weekend, Sydney the 27th at the Giant Dwarf and then the 28th in Newcastle the very next day. Both of those sold out or basically sold out, so just remember to come. Yep. That's all that's about. Of course, just a reminder, if you've got a ticket for Perth, that is sold out or basically sold out so just remember to come yep that's all that's about of course just a reminder

if you've got a ticket for Perth that is sold out that is on the 13th of October and then after that there is a handful of tickets left for our first soiree into Hobart into the island of Tasmania

23rd of November hopefully you can hear my baby screaming in the background yep so get on to that she's furious that she missed out on tickets to Perth yep

littledumbdumbclub. So get on to that. She's furious that she missed out on tickets to Perth. Yep. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to all those shows and also a link to our Patreon where you can support the show and get extra bonus content. We will talk to you a little bit more about that at the end of the episode. But until then, enjoy. Get ready for this episode. It's really good. Great one with Josh Earle and Fiona O'Loughlin.

He's good. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Great show today.

Two special guests. Let's get them in. One more special than the other. At'day, dickhead. Great show today. Two special guests. Let's get them in. One more special than the other. At least I was punctual. It's Josh Earl and Fiona O'Loughlin. Yay! Here we are. Very exciting stuff. Fiona, you should have heard the riffs we were coming out with

in the 45 minutes we were waiting. And I was here 15 minutes early. Fiona made a special request for this episode to be recorded at my house so she could meet my baby. Unfortunately, she's at school at the moment. Oh, it's so rude, isn't it? No, it's all right. At least you can stay for a while, though.

You don't have to rush off anywhere after this. One of the all-time great moves. Fiona's come very late and then goes, you need to cut this episode short early so I can go and catch a plane to who gives a fuck. Oh, my God. Sorry to interrupt. Just glad you're here.

There's red M&Ms in that bowl. Is it weird? I told you. Oh, sorry. You're too good at acting. You managed to gaslight this guy into thinking that he had M&M's in his house. I know. I was like, how is there M&M's in this house?

I fucking love M&M's. Fiona, great to have you back on the show. It's been about six months or so. Has it? I was in Japan the other week and I met up with, I've been fascinated by this for a while. We have a Japanese listener of the show, not an expat. Yeah.

A young Japanese girl who's hit us up to order a shirt in the past. And then while I was there, I was just fascinated by it. I was like, I've got to meet her. I've got to find out how a Japanese person gets into this show. Like I need to know what she's like. I hear wedding bells, guys.

Tommy Dassler. Tommy Dassler hunting down Japanese girls. He's gone full Rivers Cuomo. Oh, if you propose to this fucking Yoko, I want to be alive. Oh, no. Oh, no. God.

It was such a nice story. It was going to be such a nice story. I can just see you proposing in one of your live dum-dum clubs. Let's all take a bet. What do we think the end of the story is with this set up? But, yeah, this gets into – so I was like I would be fascinated to just meet this person, but then I'm in the position of like how do you hit up like a 21-year-old Japanese girl

when you're a 32-year-old white man and go, can we meet up without it feeling completely fucked? Well, there's no way. There is no way. I just had to bite the bullet and do it. Yeah, you had to do it the least fucked way. It's a bit like Taylor Swift's song, isn't it? This is crazy.

So she bought merch though. Here's my number. So call me maybe. Is that not Taylor Swift? That's Kylie Rae Jepsen. Also, a classic Japanese tale. That song. It's more like Madame Butterfly.

Anyway, so the's a Japanese girl. God, I hope this story has got something to do with me. I went and met up with her, Chiharu. I'm dubbing her the official Japanese schoolgirl of the little dum-dum club. She's out there in Tokyo doing the Lord's work. I think I've bought some of her underwear from a vending machine, actually. I think that was the name tag on the back of it. Okay, sure.

So anyway, I was just fascinated to fit because this show is quite Australian in terms of the way we carry on and also the guests that we have on. You know, like we are famous and the hosts and where we live. In a way, given that 99% of the guests and the hosts are Australian,

you're right. It is quite an Australian podcast. It's an Australian podcast, isn't it? I'm with you, Fiona. But I mean more so because we have, you know, we get these big guests on and it's like, isn't this exciting? Grant Denyer's on, which if you watch him in a TV here, it's like, great. But if you're someone with no context of who that is. You can't hear Fiona's eyes rolling at the moment.

So I said to her, who are your favourite, out of interest, who are your favourite guests that are on the show? Give me two of your favourite guests. And this is why we're on, Fiona. Dave Hughes and Fiona O'Loughlin. Wow. You're big in Japan. Oh, yes.

You've got to get over there. I'm huge in Japan. That's so cool. Yeah. It is a weird thing how big the dum-dum, not that it's weird, but it... It is weird. It's fine to say that. Congratulations.

Thank you. Because so many people I come across. Don't congratulate us. We're here talking to a Japanese celebrity. Shut up and get me some sushi. This is lost in translation too. The star of right here. Would you do a whiskey commercial? Would I? Even when the cameras aren't turned on?

I'm so born in the wrong generation. I could have made a mint out of selling wood barn cigarettes. Oh yes. Yeah, totally. I could have been the face of tobacco. Totally. I think you're doing fine in this generation. You're fine. You're doing good. But no, back to

Dum Dum. I was checking in the day before yesterday in Adelaide to Virgin and she just looked so normal and like a good person from a nice home. Well educated. Virgin staff look good. Yeah. And then she said, I went to get my idea and she said, Don't worry, I know who you are. And she said, I'm a big fan of Little Dumb Dumb.

What? And she said, oh, don't worry, I know you. So she's in Adelaide and she's a fan. She's a fan. They're not known for their Dumb Dumb fandom. The weird thing is it came over me as this completely whole and normal looking human. Yeah. But the things I have told you people, I'm like

oh fuck, you really know me. Yes, I know. I get that a lot as well. I've met a lot of people that just go Fiona, how's she going? What's she really like? You're the most intriguing. I think maybe you're the most intriguing character. With a mind like a steel trap.

Yes. I think that's the most. And time keeping like a heap steel trap. Yes. I think that's the most. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And timekeeping like a heap of shit. I wasn't going to bring this up, but that was the follow-up to my question, who are your favourites, Dave Hughes and Fiona O'Loughlin, the Japanese girl going, and how is Fiona? Oh, my God.

That is the quintessential follow-up, I think, on Fiona. How is she going? And the tone changes a bit. And how is she? I think there's a big italic on the is. It's like, how is she going? She didn't even have to ask, how's Dave Hughes going? Because she knows.

He's angry. Yeah, yeah. Has he bought any more office blocks? Yeah. I hope this listener does come out to Australia and just greets everyone with a Hey poofs That is very weird To think that we have Japanese listeners is weird

But we have one Well one No one else has come forward Right Maybe this will inspire them Yep You know Well like I said the other week

We've got one Thai listener there From what I know But is she a real Oh Are they actually from Thailand though originally No no i don't believe so so they're expats yes yeah yeah we want the real deal no we want the real deal this japanese girl she's dinky die right well not dinky die which is the point yeah she's dinky die tokyo yeah right she obviously speaks english yeah no that's that's why that's why she loves you guys so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I just heard some Japanese shit and it kind of sounded a bit like Fiona O'Loughlin. I was like, that'll do for an anecdote. Do you know how much, you know, I was so ready to do her accent, but I know. No, please. I know that thing's frowned upon in this new millennial. I'm going to have to put you back into a coma if you do that. I know. I was going to set this up at the top of the show. We are recording this very close to the release.

I have a very busy night after this. I don't have time to do a lot of editing. You can silence every impulse that's in your head to say the sort of stuff that you normally say on this show. We do it four days before putting it up. I think you might as well just put me to bed. You've done one already, okay? I'll give you a big clue there. If you could just pretend to be Noni Hazlehurst for an hour or something,

that would be great. But not in monkey grip. She was nude in the shower. Was she? You've got to see it. I'm into it now. You've said that. Yeah, get onto it.

She had a fucking hot body. Oh, really? Yeah. She had a good rig, as the kids say. A rig. That's the boobs? That's the whole thing. The whole package. The whole chassis. Yeah. She'll have a good rig, as the kids say. A rig. That's the boobs? Yeah. That's the whole thing.

The whole package. The whole chassis. Yeah. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I know what you're saying. Nice. Center plate. Really good chassis and rig.

Oh, nice. Great. And married to John Jarrett for a while. Yes. Lucky girl. Well, isn't he a lovely fella? Hey. How long were you in that coma for?

You're a lovely fella Hey How long have you been at coma for? The Japanese listener Doing some furious googling Of John Jarrett And being appalled At what she's finding The star of Wolf Creek

Yeah Yeah That's To put it nicely Yeah yeah And on stage And I Oh he's a lunatic

He's got weird eyes You know he's mad Like I I think he's crazy. You didn't buy anything he was selling on Better Homes and Gardens? Nothing. And he's had four wives. I find that very lucky.

Really? Yeah. Maybe three. That's full on. Maybe three, but it's my story. It's your podcast. Fuck him. Tell me you'll fix it in post.

It's fine. He's got nothing to do tonight. John Jarrett is a kiddie fiddling murderer. No. Oh, no. Allegedly. Allegedly. I would say not even allegedly This is satire

Falls under the satire This is the rebooted Mad Magazine And also Fiona's now playing Noni Hazel Hurst Oh sorry I was This is my anger About the marriage

Yeah yeah yeah This is a little play Yeah We need to start Putting G Newton getting Oh my god Jesus Oh my god Come on start a conversation I'll just Did you hear that Yeah, yeah, this is a little play. Yeah. We need to start putting G Newton getting on. Oh, my God. Jesus. Oh, my God.

Come on, start a conversation. Did you hear that Dame Edna's coming back for another show? Speaking of people who might be a bit... Well, everybody comes back for another show, don't they? I can't wait to retire and make some money. Jesus. You're doing all right now. You're touring around.

You're doing little theatres and stuff everywhere. I'm touring. I'm doing a lot of touring. But here's what I'm going to say out here. I reckon I've been blacklisted. Oh, from where? From the television. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, God, you pass out on six shows and they don't want to put you in one. What show do you want to be on? The PC Warriors have done it again. Okay, hear me out because I am totally open. By the way, I think me and Tom, you've been blacklisted on TV shows as well, by the way. I'm totally. Yeah, I'm here too, guys.

I would love your opinion on this, Josh. Okay. Because you've been in and out of, not in and out, you've been in, how long have you been in the industry? About as long as me? No, not that long. But you've been in, how long have you been in the industry? About as long as me? No, not that long. But you've had things. No, but you would be, wouldn't you?

Wouldn't you have been doing comedy about 15 years? Yeah. You haven't been doing comedy that long, have you? 20. 20. Oh, 20, right. Not even. 20's bigger than 15.

Coming up for 20. Okay. Interesting. Anyway, so here's the thing. I hope it is because of my history. Right. You know, because if you win it, anyone else who won that show, right, I'm not complaining.

You can name it if you like. Oh, yeah. Can you? Can you name it? Yeah. The dad did a show and I had this tech that I haven't seen since Adelaide Fringe, I don't know, five years ago. He goes, oh, so good to see you.

I haven't seen you since you had the stroke. Jesus, can't people get coma worked out over stroke? Yeah, but to be fair, you don't remember it. You did have one. Oh, did I? Okay. You've just forgotten. That's why this side of my face.

Oh, that'll make sense. You had two strokes. That's why they're both going down. That's why you've been blacklisted. Oh, that all makes sense. You had two strokes. That's why they're both going down. That's why you're being blacklisted from TV. The tech could have been talking about their stroke. I haven't seen you since I had a stroke. So I come out of there. You won the show that shall not be named.

Macbeth. Macbeth the TV show. You won it. Carl, don't say that. It's bad luck for the podcast. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm a Scottish show. Get me out of here. Yes. Macbeth the TV show You won it Carl don't say it It's bad luck for the podcast Sorry sorry I'm a Scottish show Get me out of here

Yes Now Emily My sister Emily Is always like Yes Fiona we know You won by 64% Of the vote Oh really

That's a lot to win It is Because that means The other two Shared I'm also a mathematician So the other two Shared how many percent

Well around 20-something. 36. 36, yeah. Jesus. Did I come here to be abused? No, you came here 45 minutes late to be abused. There's a lot of time to figure out how to count when you're not in a coma. Got a PhD in mathematics while you were doing a bit of Betty Boys.

Yeah. Just making strokes in chalk on the wall of your brain every day. She definitely wasn't counting sheep when she was asleep. So who did you beat in the final again? Danny Green and Shannon Knoll. Right. So they shared 36% of the vote. Yes, I believe so.

And then I come out and then all of a sudden they give you a meeting straight away. Like, what do you want to do? What are you thinking of? I started thinking, wow, I could really like seriously get a job. Do my own thing. Yeah. Well, I've never been employed as in radio or television. Yes, right.

As a regular. I've never had a paycheck. You've been paid by things, but you've never been like the host of a TV show. I've done all my comedy for charity. All right. As a regular thing. I've never had a paycheck from a... You've been paid by things, but you've never been like the host of a TV show. I've done all my comedy for charity. Oh, right. I give all my money to a little orphanage, a little known orphanage in the Bay Highlands of Japan.

Called Liquorland. And a young woman runs it for me. No, but you've been on plenty of things, but you haven't had a regular lockdown role as in like the host of the Today Show. You're on the call sheet. It hasn't been Fiona Wobbsy and Wobbsy on Triple M, anything like that. And this is not whinging about this. I'm observing this.

Just facts. I've had more generosity than I think the average person on panel shows. Yes, right. I think, the average person on panel shows. Yes, right. And especially the producer of Spicks and Specks. He was very good to me. Can't think of his name.

No, but he was so good. Right. I turned up too shabby. Was it Anthony? I wouldn't even know. It was. Was it Anthony? Before Anthony?

Looks a bit like Kevin White. Yep. Exactly, yes. Beautiful guy. Yep. So lots and lots of kindness. Yep. Okay.

So there's something higher up, up the chain. Right. So if you win a reality TV show, surely

that tells them the networks want what the people want? Yes. Okay. Then my clever daughter

goes into my algorithms. What does that mean? Why did you look at me when you said algorithms? Because I'm so proud of the word algorithms. And I think of you as a son. Thank you, Fiona. Who kind of gets a bit excited when Mummy says the right thing.

That makes what I've done to some old photos of you pretty funny anyway. I think he's wearing Mum's glasses at the moment as well for some reason. He's wearing more than mum's glasses. Anyway. Yeah, apparently – like, I've never been trolled. You've never been trolled? What? Someone called me – someone told me to kill myself once.

And his name's Fat Shep. That wasn't an old episode of this. Because after the Bindi Irwin stuff, you were. You just haven't seen it. You've been droll. While you were in the coma, I lit up your Instagram account. When you were in coma, we were spitting on you. I read all the stuff about Bindi Irwin.

Yeah. you're a coma we were spitting I read all the stuff about Bindi Irwin yeah and so you abused but I mean

for people that don't know you abused Bindi Irwin on an old episode of Spicks and Specks you didn't abuse you made a joke about her I said she was a freak which she is

yeah that's fine so kill me she's 21 now something she can she can cop it now that's fine yeah

it's not what I said yeah I said she was a freak Yep What I meant was She's a freak Yeah right We've got the exclusive here guys She's cleared it up

No basically I was talking about that family You know It's weird It's weird Let's call a space break Steve Irwin had Asperger's Like you don't run around the world Talking like that

Right Without being bonkers. Yeah, yeah. Fun, bonkers. Right. But bonkers. Yeah. And then, what's the American wife?

Terry. Terry. Is Terry American? I didn't know that. Yeah. It sounds Australian, but it's actually American. Terry actually thinks she's in a cartoon because the outfits. This is crazy.

Yeah, yeah. They're all dressed as Dora the Explorer. And the kids have been taught how to talk exactly like their dad. It's a bit weird. It's a bit Scooby-Doo or something. And they fly. It's like a 12-foot fly. The high lands.

Oh, really? It's ridiculous. Right. Anyway, I went to an event and it was an Erwin event. And I did 20 minutes comedy at it. But what I saw was the freakiest thing. And these kids were young at the time. And was the father still alive at this point?

Yeah, well gone. Oh, he was well gone. And anyway, so what they do at these dinners, they dress them up like Bindi and Bob. Bob, how gay is Bob? You have to check it out. Just a bit of foreshadowing. like Bindi and Bob. Yeah. Bob, how gay is Bob? Is he? You have to check it out. Just a bit of foreshadowing.

I'm wondering why you've been blacklisted from TV. Well, you're off totally wild to start with. Anyway, so there's this huge screen. Now, did you see him bumming a koala bear or something? Oh, no. I've got a pretty good gay dad, that guy. Is he right? Oh, bless him, yes.

And really bad haircut too. Right. There's a lot of weird stuff going on. Yep. But when they were little and they'd be dressed in, you know, Bob's in the suit and Bindi's dressed up and there's these corporate events and we know how boring they are. What are they like for kids when there's a full wall screen

of their dead father playing on repeat? And then it's just so weird. And then I read the idiot's book. Who? The American with the high pants. Terry. How'd you go at the gig, by the way? Oh, the gig, I killed. Oh, nice. K high pants. Terry. Terry. How did you go at the gig, by the way? Oh, the gig I killed.

Oh, nice. Killed it. Nice. Anyway, so that was the first time I met them. And anyway, I read the book, which Terry wrote a year, within a year of him dying. Who does that? Yeah.

Yeah. A bit weird. A bit weird. A bit full on. Quick turnaround. But she said, and I think this is very weird, she said the night, because they were in Tasmania when Steve died, they flew back to the zoo, because that's normal, living in a zoo.

Well, it is for animals. Sort of. It's good enough for them. Yeah. It's good enough for us. Yeah. And Terry said in the book that the kids were really freaked out because so many, you know, when somebody dies, duh, people come to your front door with casseroles, right?

Right. Or well wishes or whatever. And she said. Coffins. Coffins. Yeah. And she said, yes, that could be handy. Yeah.

Exactly. There's all sorts of things you could bring. But Terry said in the book, she was saying how freaked out the kids were because they'd never had company before. Oh, really? They'd never had anyone over to the house. Weird.

That's so weird. That is a little bit Michael Jackson-esque, isn't it? So I stand by that. If you don't socialise your kids... You'll die. A stingray is coming for you. Anyway, the other point I'll make about this was that on Spicks and Specks, they would say, it's a pre-recorded show, I'm a comedian,

I'm employed as a comedian, the producer would say, speak up, speak often, don't worry, we edit it. All of a sudden, I fly back to Alice Springs, I'm in the bath one morning, Mary Agnes knocks on the door. Your daughter. Yeah, and she's like ma did you say something bad about Bindi Irwin and by the I used to live in two different spaces realities I just take that hat off leave it here and go back and I'm lying in the bath and I said I might have yeah I think I did why and she said because Koshi's talking on sunrise on the breakfast tv show yeah so I know that all happened and I met Joel Creasy was so excited because I made Perez Hilton oh really yeah over the bindio and did Perez put like spoof on your face or something like that yeah yeah yeah Perez or did he do it in photoshop as well or

I don't that's what Perez Hilton used to do it in Photoshop as well? That's what Perez Hilton used to do. Yeah, he used to get people's – he used to get like published – no, paparazzi shots of people. And he would do like little Photoshop, a little bit of white around the face. Was that supposed to be sperm? I don't know what sperm is. Is it sperm? Yeah, it's sperm.

Bit of white face. I didn't know what sperm was. Okay, right, right. I've got some in my pocket. Never know when you need it. But no, Perez Hilton got on the hate bag. He said I went too far, Perez Hilton. That's awesome.

Anyway, so Joel was so excited. But of course, I didn't know who Perez Hilton was. So it all went over my head. Then someone explained to you, he's the American John Michael House. And then you were all about it. And then I was across it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't go all over your head.

It went all over your face. I'm fast becoming the new fucking Genie Little. Jesus Christ. So you think, this is your theory that you've been blacklisted. So what you're saying is, your gripe is, you won, I'm a celebrity. That was like a year and a half ago or something like that. Now you think you should have your own show now or some sort of reliable banked upon income regular thing off a radio show off a off a tv show something like that i don't think i should have

it because i don't think anyone should have right yes right sorry what but you're surprised that you don't have the offer yeah so i what i'm interested in it makes more sense to me and it actually does make total sense to me if it is my alcoholic history. Right. Because networks are a business. Yes. And why would you employ someone who's got the history I've got? Yes. It's expensive.

It's a lot of money. Yes. I get that. However, if it's the fact that I'm the wrong side of 50, that's kind of... What do you think it would be? Okay, well, I guess if you... Here's what I missed out on. Sorry to interrupt. Here's what I missed out on.

I had Whisper, Whisper, Whisper at the Logies last year and Denise Drustow was like, I'm leaving Studio 10. And she said, I've put your name up for it. And then one of the other cast members said, you know you're up for... And it was a deal, right? And I'm not... it's not exactly where i wanted to end up yeah you know but and i was like but regular presence on tv no it's not about that i've never had

super or oh yeah all those things that's what it's about like literally you know wow can you imagine having a paid holiday leave and yeah yeah I've just never had that or known that. Yep, yep. Anyway, so I started getting a bit excited about it and then I turned on the telly and I just didn't hear. Well, guess who they got? Oh, I know who they got. Yeah, Kerri-Ann Cannelly. Yeah.

Someone who says even more fucked things than you. Exactly. Exactly. That's the problem. You're not fucked enough. Yeah. You haven't said enough hate speech. You're not fucked enough Yeah You're not You haven't said Enough hate speech

You're just saying Vaguely weird stuff Yeah That's the thing They cast those shows With you've got to have The right wing Well you know what

I know that There are people I know that Definitely that The old The ex-person From Studio 10 Used to listen to this show

I don't know if Yes he did I loved him I don't know if The Yes, he did. I loved him. I don't know if the new people do. So, you know, you can use this as your audition. That's fine. Like, a lot of industry people... That's great.

The guy who was listening used to work there. He leaves and he's like, my replacement, do whatever you want to the show. You have to continue listening to the little dum-dum club. Oh, my God. I think you're completely misunderstanding me. No, no, I'm not. I'm not saying, oh, I want to be on the show. No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not saying, oh, I want to be on the telly. No, no, no, no, no.

Like, I wouldn't want to go there now, but I did see a gig for the first time ever that I thought, I saw it coming up, a new show coming up, and I'm like, that's the one. That's what I want.

That's, that's, that's it. Right. And I rallied around the troops, and I've never asked, you know, but I got my agents to ask, and I said, please go hard for this. Can we all have a guess at what it is?

What's it going to be? So it's starting in about a month. Oh, okay. It's a show that's a franchise show owned by one man in the UK. And they often have, in the UK, they have an older, they often have an older funny lady as as a so it's an australian judge oh australian version of an existing uk show yeah and it's coming back it's been on here already yeah and it's been off for a few years and now it's coming back and it's starting in

about i don't know australia's got Oh. It's the only one that it did. Because I couldn't do anything else because I've got no skills. Right. It's not like I'm. You can snark on the end of a panel. I couldn't. I couldn't. Was it?

Yes. Yes. Yeah. You want to be the main judge. I just wanted to judge and I love. Oh, in a former life I would have. You wouldn't be the main judge though. No, I would have been both.

You'd be more nurturing but also tell it like it is because I judge yeah and guess what the feedback came back what did i get not carry enough not experienced enough experienced at what at what exactly i did see the new series ad and the people on it you go why would anyone listen to anything they've got to say about anything because it isn't one of them a chef and it's like one of the judges is a chef and it's like manu yeah manu right why why would if you if you're up there with a fucking hula hoop around your zebra what do you give a fuck about what manu thinks and shane jacobson yeah yeah well god knows he needs the word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not even about that.

It's just kind of for me, and I know this sounds like I'm being like almost ostentatiously humble, but I do think it's rude to the audience and I don't think Australian networks listen to the fucking audience. Right. Because if 65%… Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Because if 65%... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.

Look, I would say this. If I was to give an honest appraisal of your question, which is why... This is brilliant. You're not coming to a podcast and a therapy session. Now this is like you're competing on Australia's Got Talent. I'm now auditioning as the judge for next season. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm up against you. Here comes the snarky judge. No, I would say... I would hate... Oh, I would love it. I would absolutely love it. Here comes the snarky judge. No, I would say... I would hate... Oh, I would love it. I would absolutely love it. I would hate anyone going on the show and you judging them. It would be brutal.

It would be amazing, wouldn't it? It would be like me at Spleen every Monday. No, I would absolutely... It gets to Carl. Can we turn the cameras off? Yeah, yeah. I would absolutely love it. Guys, if anyone has got anything like that coming down the pipeline, that would be great.

But I would say, yes, in reply to your question, your question is, is it because of my problems with alcohol you've had in the past? Yeah. Or is it something else? I would say, yes, it would be that. Now, I would say that that's alarm bells for people that have got a lot of money that are riding on you, for sure.

Yeah. I think, I guess what I would say is all you can do is you know keep doing your job as well as you can now and keep getting bits and pieces and whatever improved and not have that reputation anymore if people go well we haven't heard anything about her for x amount of years then sure because in tv people always looking for talented females so there is roles there for you of course but i guess you just have to ride out that perception for a little while. Right, I get it. That would be my opinion.

Or we do a pivot with new information we've gotten on this episode. We get you over to Japan as like a celebrity guest judge on a talent show where some guy is like putting his nuts in a vice or some shit like that. Japan's got talent and you can be the Mino Reiki woman. What are you doing? Fuck. Imagine the gong on that show. I don't know.

I don't think this is helping her course. Well, the beauty of it is that I can still work. Yes. You know, and make a very good living. I've got nothing to complain about. You're playing theatres. It's not a win game. It's what some people would say as a stand-up comedian is the dream.

Some people don't want to play the game and be mucking around with stuff they don't want to do, which is like hosting some quiz show or whatever it is. Some people just want to do straight stand-up, which is what you're achieving at the moment. So what you're doing right now is the dream of many comedians. Yes. But of course you always want

what you don't have. So you want to be the barrel girl on some fucking idiotic game show. What? I would love to be on Deal or No Deal

with all those pretty skinny ones. Oh yes, just you in the middle. Just have one fatty. Just one old fat bag. You with the 69 suitcase. Holding a suitcase.

Cans of beer tumbling out of it. Oh, whoops. I was so close and I reckon they wouldn't let me do it. I was walking down Rundle Mall and there was auditions for Australia's Next Top Model. So they've just got a runway and people just stand by and watch. And I'm like, I've got to do it. I've got to.

I've just got to. But see, before, when we were talking about like a... When you were bitching about me before I got here. No, no, no, after that. Oh, okay. When you were here when I was bitching about you in front of you. Once we went pro. Studio 10.

So Studio 10. Yeah, I know you're not saying, oh, I should be on it. But I'm saying you should be on it. Yeah, you'd be great on it. Isn't there, I think there may be a role coming up there soon. I think there's an opening coming up. Yeah, I think. So, you know, look, this can be the sales pitch.

I would, you know what? There is an opening in what I watch on TV every morning. So if you were going to be on it, I would watch it at the moment. Very keen to watch Larry and Kylie. Yeah. Channel 7, the best. Yeah. But if there's a chance of you going off absolutely half-cocked at about 10am over something you don't really know much about,

very, very keen to switch the dial. This feels like it's just a new show that we should pitch. What is, Stuart attends three and a half hours a day, isn't it? Yes. 8.30 to 12. It is. So, you know what? So, this is a real thing.

Like I said, the person who used to run Studio 10, he used to listen to this show. I don't know. He loved this show. I don't think I knew that. That's cool. Yeah. Well, I was on it once. And that was due to, I believe, him knowing me off this.

So, I went on it. And I'd never really watched it or whatever. So I flew up and did it. In what capacity? As like a fifth panel member or whatever it was. As the comedian. And I went and did it. And it's a three and a half hour show.

It's a long time for you to pretend to be a comedian. Exactly. Honestly. Honestly. It's a long time for you to pretend to be a comedian. Exactly. Honestly. Honestly.

It was so long that it's like being on TV wears off. And I was tuning out and there was bits where they were asking me stuff and I was like, sorry? Got the phone out under the desk just having a scroll. I was on live TV on Channel 10 and I wasn't listening to the questions they were asking me. Because you go into some weird kind of... Yeah. Yeah. yeah it's like um oh i'm going into one now um i remember being like my face you know they have you have resting bitch face yes i have resting bitch bored face yes so i've got the full gamut and the producers of um the circle had to give me a little

talking to about that oh which is the predecessor of studios head had to give me a little talk into about that. Oh, which is the predecessor of Studio 10. Yes. Because they used that, what is it, two cameras? No, two people in one. Oh, two shots. So if someone's talking next to you, you're sitting next to them and I'm looking like I'd rather eat a bowl of kittens than finish this. Right.

yeah yeah yeah eat a bowl of kittens yes yes yes right finish this right well i so i went and did that and um and i did it and i was i was i was no one really gave me any information like you get there at about six in the morning or something and then they just show you half a run run down and no one talks to you about it and then all of a sudden you're on live tv and people are just going oh you know how this happens and it's like I fucking have no idea what's going on here at the moment. And then I get home and I'm like, I didn't get paid for that, did I? I did a morning work on live TV. I know. Didn't get a cent.

Yeah. An unpaid, how do you be on TV for three and a half hours and not get paid? That's pretty great. The fact that the guy running it listened to this, he's like, this guy gets it.

He played you like a fiddle. Fucking hell. But then I talked to Joel Creasy afterwards and he was like, oh, got it. He played you like a fiddle. Fucking hell. But then I talked to Joel Creasy afterwards and he was like, oh, got to go and do Studio 10. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's pretty shitty that you go up there and not get paid. He's like, oh, I get paid. That's when I was talking to Brendan Favola

about how great, we were having a laugh. I filled in for 50 bucks. And anyway, we were having a diary and a laugh during a break about both of us having been, you know, we were two winners of I'm a Celebrity who are, let's say, on the way down. Right. You're either on your way down or on your way up. Yes. Yeah.

And we were just giggling about how shit, like his was gambling, mine was booze. And I said, isn't it fantastic, you know? Because the agents barter the money themselves, like every agent. Everyone that's on that show would be on a different fee. Different fee, yeah. Is that, I heard, no, I heard that you all get the same fee. No, you don't. No.

Absolutely not. Someone lied to me. How is someone that went out at the third stage of young talent time getting the same money as Shane Warne? Well, I heard when Warne came on, everyone's fee went up because they were getting the same as him. No, but that's what they told the bottom rung person. Okay.

Who told you that, Josh? Name and shame. I think it was Ballard. He was down to do something like that, wasn't he? I don't know. I think he was. It's like you've got to have an agent that, and you know, I've had some great agents.

You've had all the agents. You've literally had them all, haven't you? I think you have. I haven't had Artie Lang. Okay. Anyway, so I'm chatting to Brendan Favola and I said, apart from anything else, I said, how good was it to just be cashed up again? How good was the money?

Because I came out, I don't mind saying what I got. It doesn't matter, does it? No. Drop the figure. Here's the figure. 69K. It was 120. I hope this is followed by 1,000 or you have been ripped off.

120,000 if you stay in for the first two weeks. Yep. Win, lose, yeah. Yep. And that was the base. Yep. And then they pay you a daily rate, right? That is so much money.

So I ended up with $150,000. Right. Yeah. Nice. Which is a nice. For how many weeks? I was in there close to seven weeks. Seven weeks. Yeah. Okay. I'd? I was in there close to seven weeks. Seven weeks.

Yeah. Okay. I'd do it for 140. Yeah. So, all right. I could have broken contract by telling you that. No. Why?

What can they do? Take me back to the jungle and not let me do it. Yeah, exactly. So, you didn't get Australia's Got Talent. What other shows do you want then? Let's pitch it now. Anyway, I'll just. Yeah, let's finish with what you spend money on. No, no, just about Brendan Favola.

Right. And then, seriously, when we were laughing about the money, and he goes, yeah, I know, and it was... That's a lot more. Yeah. That's a lot more. Yeah. Yep.

Significantly more. Yep. Fiona held up several figures. I think she also Whisked the word into the mic So people probably heard it And that has nothing to do with Disparity

Like that is up to That's just how good your agent is At knowing How far to push them And That's a good agent Yeah And also

Maybe Brandon Favola Bigger name Bigger star Yeah And probably him having a Proper agent at that point, you being represented by someone selling the big issue on the street. You've had all the agents.

You'd think that many people working for you would have been able to get you the best deal. Well, she won because... A combined team of about 40 people. She won Australia's Got Talent because all of her ex-agents voted for her, which put her over the line. But to answer your question, Joshua... Fuck, what was his question? I asked, if she didn't get Australia's Got Talent,

what show would you want to be on now? What's the other shows? Oh, the one I pitched, which I still can't believe no one would run with because I watch reality TV. Oh, yeah, you love it. You love garbage TV. I love it, yeah.

I'm into crime at the moment. Oh, yeah. Forens it. You love garbage TV. I love it. I'm into crime at the moment. Oh, yeah. Forensic files. Watching it or doing it? Crime against your liver. Oh, God, Josh. You never disappoint me. Somewhere deep in my soul.

Is this just quickly, is this the first time you've been on the pod, Josh, since we outed you as being one of the... A secret cunt. A secret cunt. Probably. No, when was that? That was with, was that Dills? We talked about it a little while ago, that like secret, secret.

It's such a delicious surprise when you find out Joshua's... Yeah, Joshua gets on stage and plays his ukulele and goes, Hi, the Dewey Decimal System. And then offstage it's like, Yeah, wouldn't you like to fucking kill a homeless person? and goes, oh, the Dewey Decimal System. And then offstage it's like, yeah, wouldn't you like to fucking kill a homeless person? No, he's just, he's truly dark. Can I swear on this, by the way?

No. My child is in the next room. Sorry. No, don't. Yeah, this is the one I want. Taboo. Oh, I was offered that. That's why it's one of. Oh, I was offered that. That's one of the studies?

I was offered that and I was just... Well, I could not do that because you know how lazy I am at writing. Right. You know? I know a show for you that a good friend of mine did. So do you know how they did the Full Monty with Shane Jacobson? They did a female version this year, which should be aired later. Would you do that?

I am in the mix for that. You're in the mix? Yeah. Well, there you go. So there is something cooking. Something cooking. What is it? So what?

It's you get new. You learn to be a stripper. Yeah, so great. That's sick. Yeah. I take my clothes off for money. Yeah, yeah. Life's just fucking great.

Couldn't have got that without being in the jungle for 17 weeks. Why wouldn't you want to take all your clothes off at 56? Right. It's just terrific.

I did, you know, we were at a party the other night and a friend of the show's Ben Lomas was there with Sam Mack and Sam Mack did it last season

and Ben Lomas was just unbelievably happy to talk to Sam Mack about how many panic attacks he was having just before he pulled his undies off in front of like a thousand people. And it was like everyone else was like absolutely fine, but Sam was absolutely owning up to it going, I was losing my mind, and everyone else was like athletes who have been around each other naked their whole lives, and Sam's like the little weather reporter going, I

don't want to show my little dickie. Here's my little weather vane. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, as you can see, it's 12 degrees in Sydney and that is not helping my cause. It feels like 10. Sam Mack is,

he used to have a show in New Zealand. He did too? Yeah. For a short time? I went over and did it and I heard about that. I was really,

I made a very difficult day for Sam. Yes. This is another little moment why you have this question about your career. I need to write him a letter. Yeah. You know you have to do that in the program. I do?

It's one of the steps, making amends. Oh, right. So you... Well, first of all... Can you send an email or does it have to be a letter No it doesn't have to be a letter It can be a coffee Email

I do want to ask about Tweets This is interesting Tweets Slide into the DMs Because you go to meetings You go to meetings for Alcoholics Anonymous Right

Yeah Yes But yes I did hear about you being on Sam Mack's show That was a new show And made life difficult Oh my god And also, what you should be doing

is apologising to the editors of these shows because I hear when this sort of stuff happens, they're just going, how the fuck do we cut this woman out of 30 minutes? Oh, I get it.

Where they're like photoshopping pot plants over an unconscious body on the bus. Oh my god. You're dead right. It's the editors. Yeah.

Sam Mack can go fucking shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does he care? Yeah, he's not doing any extra work after the show. And apparently he's got a really small dick. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't know. It's not. I heard it felt like 10, so. But you are, so you go to meetings now. Yeah. That's like a regular thing. Yeah. Isn't it?

Yeah, I've just, today I've met with my sponsor for an hour and then we went to a meeting. Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry. That would be me. Is that you? Oh, what an idiot. Oh, fuck. Did someone say, it's meant to be anonymous?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fiona Smith. Fiona's phone's going off. Oh, God. People can't pick that up. Yeah,

another offer coming your way. This is either the yes or the no on the full Monty. This is. On the she Monty. I'm so sorry. That's okay. You can. Do you need to take it?

Oh, my God. She's talking on the phone. She's having a conversation on the phone while we're doing our podcast. My God. Who do you think it is? Has anyone else got any fuck stories about themselves that they can tell while Fiona's busy?

Why is she bending over? Oh, it's a five o'clock already. It's five past five. It's five o'clock, Fiona. Yeah. Where do you need to be at five o'clock, Fiona? Oh, okay. I think I'll be at four.

Okay. Fiona's getting a call from someone. This is riveting. This is edge of your seat. I think she might even have a car waiting for her. I think she might have to leave the pod. This will be good, though, because then we can talk shit about her on the air. Something's happening here.

Something's happening here. Talk us through it. Fiona's getting a call. I've moved in. My best friend's moved in with me. Right. Okay? We used to say...

Jack Daniels isn't a real person, by the way. I've got to get past all this. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. There's an asterisk. There's an asterisk over all these jokes.

They're just funny. They're not real, okay? They're funny. It's satire. I can't retire all these jokes just because're just funny. They're not real, okay? They're funny. It's satire. I can't retire all these jokes just because you don't do it anymore, right? It's Carl Chandler that stopped it. We're still calling Dil fat. Don't worry.

Yeah, that's right. You know? Oh, it's no pity he's not fat anymore. That was so much fun. Anyway, he's still Sri Lankan in San Francisco. Oh, God. All right. Immediate problem is, so my best friend has moved in with me.

We've been best friends since we were in grade four. We used to say, look, if everything goes to shit in our lives, we'll just live together. Well, hello. Fuck, what happened to her? our lives, we'll just live together. Hello. Fuck, what happened to her? We're having the best fun. Oh, great. It's almost like we have a midnight feast.

We're so excited. You just continual sleepovers every night. It's just so much fun. And when you know someone that long, they can't really, I mean, they can annoy you, but you get to say fuck off right to their face. And anyway, she's... Oh, I noticed when she dropped you off just before, she yelled out to me and said apologies because you were so late. And then you go, don't listen to her.

She's really fat. And you were just thinking that she was a normal middle-aged lady who struck me off. I thought it was your Uber driver and you just turned on her that quickly. The next thing she said is,

do you have a garage? I want to leave the car running in there for a while. Fucking hell. It's just so weird though that all these years later we're living in this, we're living this happy, great life together. Yeah.

And there's no parents. There's no children. Right. It's like a dream come true. You have children, Fiona. They're not in the house. Right. Anyway, she's downstairs now.

So I've got a flight at 5 to 7. It is now. We've got you for five minutes. Is that right? She's going, you've got to get down here right now and get the Uber to the airport because it's peak hour traffic. Right, right. See this, you know what the show I think you'd be really good on? And I mean this genuinely.

A kind of a Kardashian style documentary show. A camera crew following you around. Getting this in, you living with the friends, all your children in the mix. That's the only thing I'm interested in now. Yeah.

And I've pitched that as well, The Bastards Won't Listen. Oh, man. And also, Emily said she'd be in it. Emily Tahini. I am absolutely putting my hand up to write on it because it's all scripted. All that shit's scripted. Yeah. And I've got heaps of fuck things I want you to do.

This is great. Yeah. What I've got heaps of fuck things I want you to do. This is great. Yeah. What a great business meeting we've got. We could write this podcast off on tax. We can. You get a celeb boyfriend who does it like husband, who doesn't want to be on camera, you know. Yeah, there's heaps.

Yeah. My family, my land. We could get you a beard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, do you know what Marianne does, my friend? Who? She just dresses as a nun every now and then why is she a nun she's quick to pick up she just she does it for a laugh right and what walks down the shops yeah just walks around the house and i'm like you're not

a nun marianne and she goes i know i like to change things up that's pretty cool i got her the nun outfit because we shot something for Instagram. Right, okay. But now she keeps wearing it. Right. And she's,

she wore the nun outfit. She's mad. She's been mad since I met her. That's why I love her. Right. And we were down at Coles shopping. Everything's just fun now.

It's just ridiculous living with your best friend. More people should get onto this if they're divorced and old. Well, a lot of people get married to their best friend. That's how relationships work. But anyway.

Oh God, if she touches me, I'll vomit. And that feeling would be mutual. How dare you say that about a lady of the cloth like that? Yeah. My dad used to pretend to be blind. He used to walk down the shops. Oh, really? Yeah.

One day he was out walking. When they had a dog, he was walking the dog and he had sunglasses on and he realised that people were treating him as if he was blind. And he was like, this feels pretty good. And then he just whipped the sunnies on when he felt like a bit of special treatment. Well, Marion's a cause and she just sticks the nun. It's a really quick thing to put on. Yep.

The habit. The habit. And she's standing at the checkout and the checkout guy just thinks she's a nun. And he said, so what have you been doing today? And she said, oh, just at the synagogue. Saying the rosary. And he just looked at her. Does she know she's saying the wrong thing?

Yeah, totally. Right. And he was an older guy and not stupid, so she knew what, she messes with people all the time. She's just down at the synagogue saying a few rosaries.

Right. And he said, rosaries? In a synagogue? Yeah. And she said, yeah, I like to mix it up. And so,

I just prefer that kind of human. Great. You know, than someone who wants to talk about. Well, I prefer that than most. My friends are just narrowing down and down and down. Sure. Things are sounding great, aren't they? I've got no work.

No. You get phone calls. I'm not getting fewer friends. I think that's appalling that she does that kind of stuff. I think that the two people that live in that house need to kick the habit. Yuck. Oh, I've got a headache now. So you requested to be here because you wanted to meet my baby,

but my baby's been asleep. Maybe if you can do without me for one second, I'll go and check to see if the baby's woken up yet. Carl's going to go wake a sleeping baby. No, I'm not. But you have to go in like three minutes. I have to go, yeah. Yeah.

That's fine. It will take me ten seconds to check and then I'll be back. Okay. Yeah. All right. Can I keep talking while you're gone? Yeah. See, this...

Yeah, what do you want? You haven't talked very much, but they can talk when I'm not here. That's while he's gone. Yes. The tricky thing is I don't really want to see. I don't have time to see the baby. Right.

If the baby's ugly. Give me, let's say, practice your face for if it is actually ugly. Yeah. Show me what you got. What do you got?

Shut up. My baby, my baby is hot as fuck. Fucking hell. Baby's asleep. Baby's asleep. Baby's asleep. But it is scary, isn't it, when someone says, My baby is hot as fuck. Baby's asleep. Baby's asleep. Baby's asleep. But it is scary, isn't it, when someone says to you? I know.

You said exactly that. I showed you a picture and you went, thank fuck. I know. I did. You go, I love babies, but I fucking hate lying about ugly babies. So thank fuck I don't have to lie about this one. I love ugly babies too, but I haven't come across many of them. Yeah.

They're frightening. You see a lot of them in Paran. A lot of Turok, I meant. Yeah, yeah. A lot of ugly babies. Beautiful mothers, and that's what happens when you marry for money. Honestly, there's gorgeous hot women, and they've got Peter Griffin on their head.

It's a fat banker. And it's a girl. Oh, yeah, right. How could anyone do that? I'm just impressed that you know that as a pop culture reference, to be completely honest. Peter Griffin? Oh, I had a bit of fear before the name came out.

Right. It's one of the Ninja Turtles. Well done. Hey, I've got to go. Yeah, you've got to go. Yeah, you've got to go. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Thank you very much.

I'm sorry. That's all right. That's all right. This is a natural end to the episode. Look, you know, if anyone out there... I'm so glad it's out that Josh is bad. Yes. I'm not that bad.

No, he's not bad. He's pretty bad. I'm not that bad. He's pretty bad. I'm just not... If you're listening to this episode at home, for people listening to this episode at home right now, just know you haven't heard very much of Josh

just because we had to cut out all the times he said the N-word. Yeah. So that's why. That N-word was nice. The timer on the recorder says three and a half hours, so you can look down at the timestamp on the podcast app. There was a lot of Holocaust denying. Josh, it's not on.

Absolutely not on. Denying the Holocaust is so rude. I have a lot of Holocaust denying. Josh, it's not on. Absolutely not on. Denying the Holocaust is so rude. I have been pretty well behaved today. You've been excellent. You're always excellent. And now I'm off

like a Jew's foreskin. Fiona, do you want to say goodbye to the Japanese as you head out? Hang on, let me just mute the mic before you do that. Alright, are we

wrapping it up here? Yes, we have to. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening. Josh Earl, thanks for joining us. Thank you. Don't you know who I am? We need to say goodbye.

All right. See you, mates. See you, mates. Wah, wah, wah. Translation, they've done it again. Wow, your baby's first words. Are we recording? Yeah.

What's happening here? Okay. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah, no, she's... That's just... If you can hear that. Can you hear that?

I don't know. I can because I'm in the room. I can hear it. Right, okay. Oh, I'm still here. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Josh. Can I just say...

Your first appearance on Talking Dumb? I think they have done it again. Oh, nice. I listen every week. Great. They have done it again. Well, you are a big fan. I mean, you were just here. Oh, nice. I listen every week. Great. They have done it again. Well, you are a big fan. I mean, you were just here listening to that episode.

I know. If you can hear my baby, it's not screaming, it's squealing. It's discovered its voice. Blanket has discovered her tonsils or whatever. It's going over all the bits that Tommy's edited out that Fiona was talking about. Oh, yeah. Just saying how much she liked them. Yeah.

It sounds like the bleep that should be over the top of a lot of what Fiona said. Yeah, blanket is, that's going to be some of her first words, the words that Fiona's and Josh have said on the podcast. Yeah, you need to edit that out. So yeah, Fiona headed off to the airport. Where did she say she was going? I don't know.

We never got the destination of this flight. Short text. She just got back from Adelaide. Now she's going. Okay, so process of elimination. You can't go somewhere you've just been. Well, she wouldn't have come back to Melbourne for this and then go back home.

She did an audition. Oh, that's right. No, it wasn't an audition. She got it. She told us a story before the show that she just went and did an audition and then the story ended up being they just said, do you want it? And then she spent 40 minutes saying no one gives her

any work on TV. That story that we were not allowed to bring up on the pod. I'm texting it. Where are you flying to? Where are you going? Where are you flying to and why? Hopefully we can find that out. Wow, a bit of a cliffhanger.

I know. I love a good through line. Is this your first appearance on Talking Tom and Tom and Josh? I think so. Yeah. I don't think you've ever hung around for one of these. Wow, a bit of a cliffhanger. I know. I love a good through line. Is this your first appearance on Talking... I think so. Yeah. I don't think you've ever hung around for one of these.

No, I haven't. I did a Patreon episode. Yeah. Should I correct my text message because I've accidentally typed where are you flexing to and why? She'll know what it means. Yeah.

Her vision will probably be blurred so it'll look... Yeah, right, right, right. ...like the correct word. She just presumes she's got... Why are you writing flexing so much? Why is your phone correcting flex? Oh, I must say that all the time.

You're swole. I'm a massive rig. I'm a massive unit. I did a gym class this afternoon before I came here and there was a couple in the station ahead of me and in between every set they would have a little smooch. Oh! No good. I had a couple in the other day who every time he was in between every set they would have a little smooch oh no good i had a couple in the

other day who every time he was in between sets she would go over and take a selfie with him in like pose for it and he would pose and then she would walk away and he'd go back to lifting his huge huge weights yeah there's what a life there is there is i've noticed one couple In my gym And I've noticed them Because the girl is Absolutely smoking So What? I couldn't hear you over here Say it louder

She's absolutely smoking What? Are you having a stroke? No Just You know There's other people in this house That probably don't need to hear

What I'm saying And Josh Yes I'm alright with it Oh you're okay? Okay great She was hot, dude.

Dude, I'm in the FBI. I get it. It's very weird just to be in the gym and I'm always looking at that guy going, what's he got going on? What's happening there? Why does he get this? This is an amazing get for this bloke. So you're hearing, is she really going out with him?

Yes. Every time you look at the table. Absolutely. I'm getting a bit of Joe Jackson over the PA at the gym. Joe Jacking it. Yeah. Zach, do you, I mean, you do what, F45? So you would definitely know like a lot of the people because it's a regular thing for you.

Have you got characters in your gym that you know, Jim? Jim. Hello, Jim. Jim L. I go to gym that you know, Jim? Oh, Jim. Hello, Jim. Jim L. I go to Jim L. Yeah, I do know. There's the guy who started at the same time I did. But I mean, in terms of you don't even know. I don't know his name or anything like that.

You just see him in the gym and go, there's that guy. Chinese beanie man. That's all I know. He wears a beanie when he works out every single time in summer, everything. And you don't officially know he's Chinese. Yeah, he's Korean. No, I know he's Chinese. because he was lifting things with chopsticks no no uh but he and i started if you had weights on the end of like a big long chopstick that's that's why you think he's chinese

meanwhile you're lifting weights on the end of each end of a fork. You're like, I'm not like him. A kebab. No, I... But it was a bit of... Because we were around the same size when we started. Right. Oh, this is interesting. And so he... I looked better quicker than he did.

Right. But then he went through a stage where he was just looking huge. So what are you saying? Are you saying he's gone a bit Chinese swimmer? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? I'm not staying on the platform next to him. Right.

I'm the Mac Horton of this. Right. But then he's come way down again as well. So I'm not sure what's happened. Oh. Yeah. All right. Okay.

I know there's a guy that's been going as long as I've been going. And he gets on there. And he's also weird because he's the sort of guy that's done this before where I'm on a machine and then he just walks up and he wants to go on the machine next. Yeah. So he just stands there and looks at me as I'm on it. And I'm like, come on, mate. There's no need for that at all. That's an incredible technique though.

But like you look at the guy. The stare down. Yeah, you look at the guy and you're like, there is something absolutely wrong with you. Right. Because he's like this big fat idiot with a long ponytail. And he's been going as long as I have and I'm like, nothing has happened with you.

Like he's got a massive fat gut and he's getting on like the rowing machine or the bike. He's never on it. He's just standing looking at you. It's my fault.

Give it up then if you think he should lose weight. There's nothing, nothing has changed with him. Massive gut and he's doing everything half-arsely

and I'm like, I looked at him the other day and went, nothing has changed with this guy and then I realised he he's doing everything half-arsely. And I'm like, I looked at him the other day and went, nothing has changed with this guy. And then I realised, he's probably saying the same thing and looking at me. I'm just coming from a better base than he is. On Mondays at my gym,

on Monday nights, there's a football team that obviously goes there after the training. And they're the fucking worst. Because one, they all have like Bluetooth speakers and they just have their music playing out loud in the gym.

Oh, that's weird. Three of them in three different stations with their own music playing. So you can hear it all. That's weird. And then they don't put anything away, which drives me absolutely bonkers. Yeah, that's a big problem of mine. I'm like, just fucking put it away because someone else is going to do it. And then they do deadlifts and they all have chalk.

So it's chalk all over the floor. I'm like, you're not, you don't need chalk. Okay. You're not at the Olympics. Yeah, yeah. What is this bloody Mr. Squiggle working out in this gym? Oh, that's pencil. Fuck.

Yeah, we were in Copenhagen, Tommy. There was, after the Costa Mungo International Podcast, we had a bit of downtime and finally a chance to have a real break. So we hung out together for a few days. And we had dinner on the beach one night. And we were like in between two restaurants and they were both playing music at the same time. That was awful.

We just got two batches of bad music. The one that we were in was playing a CD of bad acoustic covers, which from the street I thought, oh, they've got a guy playing in here. It wasn't. It was a recording. Yep. But competently played enough, just dull songs. Just boring.

But then the restaurant next to that, it was a guy doing it live who was maybe the single worst musician I've ever heard in my entire life. A genuinely bad person. And we were right in the middle of the Venn diagram of being able to get both of them at the same volume. I felt like I was going insane. It was like torture. It was so bad. Yeah, yeah. It was very disappointing because I'd picked the place. I'm going,. It was like torture. It was so bad.

Yeah, yeah. It was very disappointing because I'd picked the place. I'm going, this is going to be really good. And then we had that happening, which didn't bother me as much as me going, I'm going to sit on the sand and eat seafood. And then it's like, can I have some seafood? And they're like, oh, there's this fish or this fish. I'm like, come on, mate.

You're next to the ocean. Have more than two fish. Go for a look out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pick your own, not in the tank. Here's a scuba on, mate. You're next to the ocean. Have more than two fish. Go for a look out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pick your own, not in the tank. Here's a scuba set, mate. That's when I was in Port Hedland doing road show. All right, mate.

But Port Hedland's near the water. Went to a fish and chip shop on the beach. And Zoe Lyons, who's British, asked the woman, so it was like fish and chips, whatever it was. She goes, what's the fish? And and the woman they're crumbed and she's like no what kind of fish it's like just out of the packet and so unreal so he's like it's not out of the ocean there and it was like fuck no i wouldn't fish in that ocean oh and like can you swim in it she goes i don't know what and we're like have you ever she goes no and so he's like have you just moved here because i've lived all my life living in a place like that and never using

the beach would be why why are you living there i love that worst that's if i i'm sure i've told this but fuck it i'll say it again but my my my then girlfriend now wife we went out to dinner one night in the city and there was a place in a little alleyway that was like a specific fish restaurant. And we're like, cool. There's not that many around in Melbourne that are like, you know, this is a fancy fish restaurant. I'd love it if it was just called specific fish restaurant. It wasn't far off. Because if it changes every day.

Which actually reminds me of when my now wife, then girlfriend, lived with her parents when we first met. I would go out to her place all the time. We're totally just glossing over the whole engagement. Is it not fiancé? It wasn't for very long. Hello, dear. Shh. What would you rather be?

Don't say anything. What would you rather be referred to as? Ex-girlfriend or ex-fiancé? Oh, yeah. Ex-girlfriend or ex-fiancé. Or current wife. Let's just call you an ex-girlfriend. That's more interesting.

Ex-girlfriend? Okay, good. I think ex-fiancé. Just don't say your name. Don't say your name. Future widow. Now, that's good. Yeah, great.

So, when I used to go out to where she was staying at her parents' house, we used to order pizza on a Friday night, and her favourite place that we would go to was like, you don't need to get involved. She's in the room for this, so you know this story isn't being embellished in any way. It's not a good story. The adjudicators are in.

It's not a good story. I just like it that her favourite pizza place that we had to order from was called Pizza Outlet that's the name of it and it's still called it it's still called it it's very factually correct

it's awesome I love it as a name Pizza Outlet it feels like you know you go out into the suburbs and you get some offcuts and some clothes

oh this is where the offcut of the pizza is or it almost sounds like you know those break rooms that people go to where you can just like trash a room and go off? Right. It's like one of those, but you can get, you know, it's a real outlet for your anger. Yeah.

Plus you get a little capricciosa at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, oh yeah, so this fish restaurant, fish outlet. Story within a story. Fish outlet. We went there and went, oh, this will be great. You know, fancy a specific fish restaurant. And we get in there and there's four fish and that's it. Like there's a menu of four fish on it.

That's it. And so I'm like, okay. And I'm looking at it going, what's the, this all sounds not that good. And I said to them, which one, it seems on the menu like none of them are grilled. So which one's grilled? And they're like, none of them. They're all fried. Like, how am I in a fish restaurant when there's nothing but fried fish?

Yeah. That's insane. And you would think that they would be, if they're like that dedicated to it, they'd be snooty about it. Frozen fish. Yeah, so. The adjudicators have piped up. Yeah, yeah.

So it was frozen fish because I then go, well, can I get some grilled fish instead? And they're like, we don't have any of that. We've got fried fish. And I go, cool. Well, instead of frying it, just grill it. And they sort of looked at me weird and went, okay, and then went back and then came back again,

peeled the batter off and served it to me. Love that. Peeled the batter off. Didn't grill it, though. Didn't grill it. And then got a bit of McCain's chips on it as well. Oh, yeah, there's $30. Needless to say, but I will say it,

that restaurant was not there three months later. This is what makes me kind of happy that I'm not much into seafood. This just all sounds like more trouble than it's worth. You never have these kind of disputes with like a chicken burger. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, I wish you did. That would be good.

You go in and say, can I get a chicken burger but like not fried, just alive. Peel the skin off. Can I buy a chicken from you? Yeah. As a pet. So here at Content Outlet, we of course have the Patreon that you can support us on. Every month we send out bonus content.

We send out a magazine, which we slave over. We also send out a bonus episode once a month. Can I give you the update of the text from Fiona O'Loughlin? Oh, yeah. Where's she going? I sent her a text saying, where are you the update of the text from Fiona O'Loughlin? Oh, yeah. Where's she going?

I sent her a text saying, where are you flying to and why? She said Adelaide to do a gig at Port Lincoln and then Adelaide. And then she has put in a sentence that I absolutely cannot repeat, which is very libelous

to many people, including the disadvantaged. Give me a look. Just have a quick look. In no way, I even want to sort of hint at what she's... She's absolutely gone to the top of the lead board as the biggest cunt in comedy above Josh Earle. So there you go. She's back at number one.

I'll just let her know. I'll just let her. She's back at number one. I'll just let her know. I'll just let her know she's back at number one. Even Josh is offended. Even the Indian cleaners here are offended. Shout out to Bruce and Phil. Our favourite prank call clip on YouTube that we've mentioned several times. Bruce and Phil, our favourite prank call clip on YouTube that we've mentioned several times. So we do a segment on the show every week

where we immortalise the people that subscribe to the show on Patreon by reading out their names. We read out a different amount every week. Carl, are you okay with this? Typically when we have a guest on Talking Dumb Dumb, they get to choose the number of names that we're going to read out. So are you happy for our guest Josh to pick the number for this week? Sure.

All right. What's it between? What should I name it between? Between zero and infinity. Oh, okay. So a few. Okay. I'm going to go with...

Okay, the one minus four. Oh, you really put some thought into this. Five. Five. Wow. Has that been done before? Okay, look, I'm fine for you to choose that and we'll stick with what you're saying,

but that's such a weird number. I'm going to need a reasoning behind it. Is that too late? I just want to know where that carried one ended up. Yeah. I love the carry-on film. And I was like, how many of those do I really love? There's five Carry On films I really love.

If those films were just all about fractions and shit, that'd be a great, yeah. Yeah, great. All right, sure. Let's do five. This feels weird off the tongue, but anyway. We can do that. All right.

So we've cranked open the unplanned title alternator, as you can see, Josh. I'll let you hit the big red button each time. Oh, wow. He's never even let me do that. Yeah, pretty cool. Here we go. Oh, look.

Did you hear that? Wow. Is that too rough? I don't know. It looks like it's a big machine. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. It's sturdy.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber number one, cab off the rank this week, Cameron Hull. Cameron Hull. Yeah. Hull. Hull. Having just spoken about seafood, a hull is to do with a ship. Go on. Shippo.

Well, Cameron Hull, I know this man. Oh, do you? He used to go to the same gym as me. Oh, wow. This is all nicely tied together. Yeah. And what happened to him? Did he just...

Is he retired from the gym now? Is he... Well, I retired from that. I moved to a different gym. So I don't know. I don't think he kept going, though. Clock the gym. Is that what happens?

You just get too big and you finish everything in the gym and that just disappears? Get to the kill screen. He was doing the eight-week challenge at our gym when I was there and they had a thing going at that gym for whoever had, I think, lost the most weight or done the best, whoever won the challenge and had lost the most weight or whatever was going to get, I think it was like $10,000 or something like that.

Right. And he did really well. He lost a lot. But then we found out that there was like a guy who was clearly like, this guy has got everyone smoked. Like he's lost. He's done so well. Then we found out that he was potentially not in contention

because he'd been overheard around the bathrooms after classes asking people if they had steroids ah which is that make you lose weight well that's it it's like that's a flawed yeah plan for trying to win the eight week challenge yeah but so that's why all those show those weight loss shows are flawed because it shouldn't be who can lose the most weight it's who looks the best yes right right isn't that what you're losing weight for to look good and look healthy not look like you're too skinny so instead of course when you lose it quickly that's not healthy you don't look that good yeah yeah so instead of the biggest loser it's who's the most fuckable yeah so they do

the makeover episode and they just have a bunch of horny people in there rating them out of 10 and whoever's got the highest score, they're the one that wins. There's no scales. It's just a line-up going, who do you want to root? Yeah. You stand on the scales and it just goes up from 1 to 10. And it's a dick that goes up. Like an erect dick that goes up.

Like the old thing at the fun fair where you'd hammer the thing and it'd go up and hit the bell. It's just a dick that goes... You win. Instead of confetti, it's just like spoof out of the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is such a better show. Yeah, yeah. The biggest loser of come.

The biggest boner. Well, you know, Cameron Hull, he'd be winning my vote on that. Cameron's good looking. He's an attractive man. Little known fact, Cameron, anagram of romance. What do you think about that? Yeah, I mean, that ties into the theme of finding him rootable. Isn't that cool to have a name that's an anagram of romance?

Having a name that's an anagram of kind of anything. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Mine's Jar Holes. That's not a thing. That's Josh Earl. Jar Holes. It's not really anything, though. No, I'm just saying it's an anagram.

Yeah, you've got a pretty, you know, it's very line and length, four letters each. Yeah. Has that caused you any problems over the years? No. Very easy to write. Yeah, I've been called Earl a lot. Right, people think that's my first name. Oh, really? Yeah, and Earl is a very hard name to spell over the years? No. Very easy to write. Yeah. I've been called Earl a lot. Right. People think that's my first name. Oh, really? Yeah. And Earl is a very

hard name to spell over the phone as well. Is it though? You say it and people have no idea what you've said. Earl. Earl. Earl. Really? Yeah. Sounds like you're cleaning your throat. Earl. On the phone. To me it feels like a very easy life. Yeah. I think you're making a problem. Carl, you're digging in on this guy's name.

Let me remind you, he doesn't subscribe to the Patreon. He shouldn't be getting this shit for free. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should subscribe. No one's going to buy the cow if you're giving the milk away for free. Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. I take all that back.

Look, I'm just feeling generous. We've done so much on Cameron Hull already. I've given him the romance anagram. Yep. And is he a Cameron or is he a Cam, do you reckon? He subscribes under Cameron. And I've given him the romance anagram. Yep. And is he a Cameron or is he a Cam, do you reckon? He subscribes under Cameron and I believe he's on Facebook as Cameron. So was he a listener

and then you met him at the gym? Yes. Or were you flyering at the gym for the podcast and he decided to... I was doing bits from the podcast mid-exercise. Oh.

Yeah. What, you were trying out bits for an upcoming episode or you were just doing some classics? I was just doing some classics. Right. Just pumping iron, yelling out Dr. Dr. Ramsay. Which is not even your bit.

I know, but you know, whatever. That's like, you know, when Paul McCartney, you know, still goes around and, you know, does a bit of, you know, Lennon's gear. Yeah. It's like, oh, I was just doing the classic Beatles stuff. It's like, it's not really yours, though, is it, mate? Just do your own bits. I don't think he's in a position to mind too much.

Fair enough. Thanks, Cameron. Thanks, Cameron. Thank you, Cameron. No need for you to say thank you. All right. You're not getting anything out of this. Fine.

You just want to be... No, as a fan of the show, I'm getting content out of this. Okay. I thought you were trying to win your nice guy status back. Yeah. After all the bludgeoning getting content out of this. Okay. I thought you were trying to win your nice guy status back. Yeah. After all the bludgeoning of your name in this episode. Because we have to like these people, but they haven't given you anything.

So you're allowed to have whatever opinion you want on them. Oh, yeah. I'll go on my own Patreon. Yeah. For Cameron's... Cross-reference our subscribers with yours. Oh, yeah. Have a look.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. See which one's subscribed to us and you. Okay. Meanwhile, I'll crack into number two for this one. Two of how many? I think he said... Carried the one. Oh, right.

And then he minused four. Sorry, I'm too busy trying to get into my thing. Yeah. I said five. Five, right, right. One of five. So we're one down. Four to go.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jeremy Ford. Jeremy Ford. Jeremy Ford. Has this guy ever been at your gym? This name does sound very familiar. I feel like I had an interaction with this person. Has this guy ever spotted you? No, I've never been spotted at the gym. Oh, really?

Yeah. You just lift the bar and that's it? I mean, I can just lift the heaviest one they've got. Oh, what? Yeah, yeah. The heaviest one they've got? The heaviest one they've got, yeah. Look, I don't know heaps about the the gym but that sounds like you're really tough dude

yeah well you don't need to know a lot about the gym to have gotten that yeah you just have to look at this this isn't a pasta shop in front of you i know you'd be confused by this absolute rigatoni that you're staring at right i'm just seeing that. I'm just seeing that. Now I'm just reading the T-shirt. Muscle outlet. All right. Now I get it. Yeah. Yeah, the heaviest weight, I can just lift it. That's pretty cool.

Yeah. That's, man. I tell you what, my dick just rang the bell again, I think, after just examining the sinews on your muscles there. Very good. Jeremy Ford. Thank you. Not for me. Oh, not for Jeremy Ford. Thank you. Not for me.

I'm more of a Jeremy Holden man. Right. Very good. Didn't need a spotter for that one either. I spotted it a mile off.

If only your brain was as buff as your body. I was in a car accident the other day, speaking of cars. Oh, here we go. I got rear-ended by a pea platter. Yeah.

I'm so glad you said you were in a car accident. Yeah. What's his name? No, but then she called me to see if I was all right, like four days later, and tried to say, hey, if you haven't gone to the insurance yet, how about we just do it without going through the insurance? I'm like, it's already done.

You'll be getting a call from my insurance company very soon. Four days after you totaled my car, I was just hanging around. Ah, well, hopefully something happens at some stage. Yeah. So what happens now? So your car's totaled. Is that it? Yeah.

I bent the rear axle. And so I now have to buy a new car. And that sucks. Like, you've got to how did you how did you have the accident completely you're completely not in the wrong not my fault so there's two cars in front of me we're driving on the freeway coming home from heelsville two cars in front of us were turning right to go to a service station so we were behind them and this driver just came around the corner too fast rammed us and luckily i didn't hit the car in front of me but pulled over my boot couldn't shut the boot it was packed with because we'd been away for five days it was packed with all our stuff so that may have like

lessened the impact so i walked over to the servo to get some rope to tie my boot down and the guy there was like. Make a noose to end it all. My car's damaged. I don't want to live. But the guy was like, yeah, I heard about that. And I'm like, what do you mean you heard? Like it happened a minute ago.

Like you either heard it or anyway. He saw it out the window. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. His eyes heard about it. I heard about it. And then I was like, yeah. He goes, suppose you want the camera footage of it? Oh.

And I was like, no, like it's not my fault. Yeah. But if you've got one set up in the toilets, I'll have that. But it's like, I actually said, it's like unless I reverse down the highway, there's no way it's my fault. This woman just ran to the back of me. And so, but he said, it happens a lot here.

I'm like, great. Shouldn't you have like better things to say? That's the thing about car accidents. A lot of them tend to happen on roads. Yeah.

So I'm looking for a new car if anyone has one. Right. What are you going to get? I think we're going to get a Honda CRV. Sick. Yeah.

Is that good? It's a big SUV, family wagon thing. I don't know anything about cars, but I know that I'm downstairs in my car park. I always park next to a car that I'm like, I feel like going up to the person and going, can I buy your car?

I just really like the look of it. I don't know anything about it. It's like a gunmetal Mazda. Is it a one-off edition? Yeah. You can't just buy the model. It needs to be that specific one. But it's just there.

So it's very easy for me to buy. You're right. That is. And then just move. It's very convenient. So it's very easy for me to buy and then just move. It's very convenient. Yeah. See if they're interested in a swap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, maybe we can just swap car parks in that case. Then we don't even have to move the cars.

Yep. Yeah. Just transfer ownership of the car park and the cars. Easy. So then, yeah, so you're thinking whatever is in those white lines is your jurisdiction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, that is good.

You could just go in there and just change the numbers. And then it's like legally. Right. Oh, right. You don't tee this up with them. Right. You just do it. Yeah.

I would like it. Gunmetal, grey, Mazda, sort of. I don't even know what it is. Is Gunmetal the actual name of the colour or are you just a psycho? That's a name of a colour, yes. Is it really? Yeah. Have you never heard that before?

No. Is it grey? I don't know what it is either. Oh, you've never heard Gunmetal? Gunmetal. What colour is Gunmetal? Without knowing that that's a name of a colour, it just makes you sound. Yeah.

Yeah, gun. The colour gunmetal. Yeah. I'm looking. I'm going to say it's a grey. Look, gunmetal, it comes up with many, many results on Google. So, yes, it is a thing. I'm not having a stroke.

I'm not a complete psychopath. The CMYK breakdown is 0.263, then 0.0870, and 0.776. So there you go. Wow. That's proof. There's a CMYK breakdown. So now I know exactly what color it is. Thanks for that.

Yeah, gunmetal as a color is entirely different from the reddish alloy of the same name. It is a grade of blue that has a bluish tinge to it. Also known as red brass in the United States. It's a type of bronze, an alloy of copper, tin and zinc. It's got a different name. Because when you said a shade of blue with a bluish tinge, that's just blue. What's bluer than blue? Carl's car.

Carl's gun car. Future car that I shoot bullets out of As I drive Well thanks Jeremy Thanks Jeremy Thanks Ford What's better What's tougher

Gun metal grey Or cool grey Cool grey Cool grey Okay Guns are bad No they're tough though Cool people are tough

That's what makes them cool Wow this is a fucking tricky one Being cool is cool What's cool in being cool. Wow, this is a fucking tricky one. Being cool is cool. What's cooler than being cool? Thank you to Patreon subscriber Dominic Parker. Ooh, Dominic Parker. Yeah, what do you think about this?

This is a strange one. I'm not going to lie. I'll throw something more into this. Can't wait. Dominic ending in K, not a C. Oh, that's throwing me for it. No. You don't like it. Don't like it at all.

Call you Dom. I'll call you Dom, not Dominic. Yeah, right, because I like Dominic, but then I don't like Dom. What about Condom? Again, don't like it. Bareback Parker, big fan of. Dominic, yeah, the K, I don't know. I don't really care for Dom.

I don't really have anything against Dominic, but it has to be spelt the classic. You need that Q-U in there. That's the only thing that gets me interested in it. I would say that's Dominic. Yeah, exactly. That's a different name. You're thinking of a girl then.

No, maybe that's why I like it more. Yeah, but I would think Dominic with a K is more feminine. I think K in a name is more feminine than a C. Yeah. If you spelt a name that you can spell with a C but you spelt it with a K, that is a feminine version of that name. That's the sissiest thing that exists. You are in my house and you dare insult me like this.

Oh, he's having a little hissy fit. It's not insulting. Saying something's feminine is not an insult. It's 2019. Like, women can be around. You are really burning a hole in my vagina right now. Yeah, it's strange, isn't it? You hear Dominic for, you know, there's just some...

You are really getting on my tits. Some surnames you just don't expect to be... Like, Parker, that know, there's just some. You're really getting on my tits. Some surnames you just don't expect to be, like Parker, that really threw me for a loop. That came out of nowhere. I like it. I was thinking it was going to be more of a kind of Italian flavor, Dominic. I don't know why. Maybe I'm thinking Domino's.

Dominic, because you get a K in there. You get a K in there and that's a bit like, it's a little bit ethnic. It's like if you meet a Dominic, you're more likely to meet someone that's introducing themselves like, Hi, my name is Dominic. Yeah, really emphasising the K. Yeah, yeah. And then get to the end of it, yeah. You're getting a bit of that ethnic flavour of an accent. Yeah, you don't need to tell me.

Yeah. I wrote the book. You're ethnic. Yeah, I know. I wrote the Italian phone book. You're right. Dominic Parker. I like Parker as the last name. It is good. Remember that show Parker Lewis Can't Lose? I know. I wrote the Italian phone book. You're right. Dominic Parker. I like Parker as the last name.

It is good. Remember that show Parker Lewis Can't Lose? I know the name. I can't tell you what's in the show. You don't remember that show? No. I remember Parker Brothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The famous dance double act that came before Chemical Brothers. No, the board game. Yes. No, but at the time I was always like, when Chemical Brothers came in, I was like, Parker Brothers would be a fucking good dance duo act. No. Like, just this... I just found that fascinating.

I just thought that would be really cool. Parker Lewis Can't Lose. You don't remember? You never saw that show? I have no idea what this is. Man, I used to love that show, but it was this very weird rip-off of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Okay. So it was like, okay, that's the setup.

Ferris Bueller's, like, weird name, two weird names, Day Off. That's the construct there. So then they've just tried to rip off that movie and put in a sitcom, even with the title. Parker Lewis can't lose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same sort of length, same bits. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, same bits. And then it was just this show about this sort of like cool guy that everyone loved, but sort of slightly sort of off kilter, but very cool guy at school and at high school and just, you know, all these very Ferris Bueller things that would happen to him. Right. This is very insulting to John Hughes and the gang. So it was every day of he just wagged every day? No, no, no, no, no.

You couldn't do that because then it would be a bit weird. That's it. Yeah, that would be great if they tried to turn Ferris Bueller into a TV show. How's he going to wag today? I think he's just dropped out of school at this point. You're not needing to wag if you're like 21. And his best friend is trying to kill himself every single day. Because that's what he did.

He tried to kill himself, didn't he? Or he pretended to kill himself. Yeah. Cameron Frye. Yeah. Yeah. Do they have the same principle? I've just got to ask my wife to turn the baby music off if you possibly can.

No, people can't hear that. That's fine. Okay. You sure? Yeah. Okay. We don't have to play the opera on this track. Oh, right.

Whatever this is. I think there's a bit of Parker Brothers. Fisher and Paykel are going to come after us. Yeah. Yeah, another dance double act. Fisher and Paykel. Yeah. They really do sound like a dance double act.

That would be good. Yeah. I saw the Chemical Brothers recently. It was great. Oh, did you? Yeah. Oh, in England? In London, yeah.

They're playing soon here, and I don't know if I've mentioned, I've got some friends in a band, and they're supporting, I think. Maybe we should go along to that it was really good um what was but you know it's just two guys playing like they're not you know they're just basically djing what was impressive about it was that it was big main stage at a festival outdoors with this incredible light show i would wonder here whether they would bring the same production out or whether it would be scaled back. No, they would have it big here.

Yeah, but you never know. I think we tend to get pretty scaled down versions of big international audiences. Whack on some helmets or something. Be cool. Yeah. Do something. Yeah. What have happened to Basement Jacks?

I think they're still around. Are they? Yeah. They were out here at the start of the year, I think. They did a show with the, I believe, MSO. Oh. Well, that's the start of the year, I think. They did a show with the, I believe, MSO. Oh. Well, that's the good thing about all those dance acts. You can just keep going.

Like, because it's not based on how you look. Like, Fatboy Slim can still do stuff. Yeah, but he's a particular case because he always looked a bit old. Yeah, well, he wasn't when he was young, when he was in the House Martins. Yeah, but he wasn't particularly huge off the House Martins, was he? No. It was next. It was when he was, you know.

Yeah. When he was 30 or 35 and he looked 45 or whatever. But he prepared for the future by putting Fatboy in his title. Right. You know, already there, there's like, no one's expecting an attractive guy off the back of that. Right, right, right. So he was smart, you know.

Yeah, yeah. People still thought he was the big fat guy on that album cover. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I genuinely, when I picture him, that's who I think it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

What is it? I'm number one, so why try harder? Yeah, yeah. Norman Cook. Classic. The worst, one of the worst names you could possibly get. And somehow he'd become the coolest guy in music for five seconds. It's a shame the image of that guy is already the album cover of a dance music act because that guy does look a lot like a

podcast listener that's not true yeah i know people people people you shouldn't spread that because people that we talk to go oh yeah your fans look like this whatever they don't you come to our shows they actually don't yeah i think it's you know what i'll put it this, they actually don't. Yeah. I think it's, you know what, I'll put it this way. I don't even bother bringing like two to five XL t-shirts to our shows because no one buys them at the shows. Whereas people buy mediums and smalls and large and stuff like that. So when you come to the show, don't, if you've got a phobia against fat people, God forbid, I can't imagine what that would be like. Don't worry, they can't imagine what that would be like. Don't worry.

They don't come. Yeah. All right? Yeah. You're fine. Yeah. They don't come. Well, honestly, that's what people say to me.

They'll go, oh, I don't want to go to your show, and there'll be all these sweaty people, and they're all fucking idiots. And they're not. Everyone's cool. I mean, they might sweat. It's not because of being obese though they might just have gland problems there could still be

other things going on we don't know we haven't done a thorough investigation they've obviously got other problems yeah anyway thanks Dominic

yeah thanks Dominic thank you thank you very much thanks Dom thanks Danga thank you to Patreon subscriber Daniel Hill Daniel Patreon subscriber Daniel Hill.

Daniel Hill? Hill. Daniel Hill. Don't mind it. Yeah, I like his name. I'm not into it. Really? What about it?

Daniel Boring. Hill Boring. Hill? Yep. Hill's a good last name. I don't... Maybe, you know what? Maybe it's Daniel that's throwing me off.

I'm not a big fan of Daniel. If it was Danny Hill, I'd be like, actually, that's not bad. Danny Hill I would find. Danny Hill is pretty cool. He's better, yeah. I respect him slightly more using Daniel than if he used Dan. I would think that's boring. So I think the hierarchy is Dan right down the bottom, then Daniel,

then Danny. That's a party guy. Dan Hill sounds like Ant Hill. Ant Hill? Yeah. Right. Dan Hill. Is that good or bad? That's not good. That's a party car. Dan Hill sounds like Ant Hill. It sounds like... Ant Hill? Yeah. Right. Dan Hill. Is that good or bad?

That's not good. Not good? Not good. You don't like Ant Hills? No. Ants are terrible. What good is an ant? I quite like the look of Ant Hills, though.

They look pretty cool. No. Don't like it. I like hills. Oh, you like hills? Hills are great. Do you prefer the beach or hills? Do you prefer the beach or hills? Do I prefer the beach or hills?

Yeah, if you're living somewhere, would you like coast or hills? Mountains. That's a very good question. Okay. Right. I've always... Okay, that's a tough one. Because you know what?

For as much as I like going to Thailand and stuff like that, and I like being near the water, I don't particularly get in the water. Yeah. So I like that it's there, but I don't use it so much. But what climate are we talking? If I live on the beach, am I living on the beach in a hot climate year round? Or is a lot of that going to be winter where I can't go in the water? Well, we'll say it's seasonal. In summer, beautiful. winter where i can't go in the water well we'll say it's say

it's seasonal in summer beautiful winter you won't get in the water well you know what my parents own a beach house and so they'll go down in the summer and then for most of winter they won't go near it and like i've said to them why why don't you move down there like because you live near the beach and it's fucking cold and it's actually a bad place to live at yeah in winter it's worse it's more it's colder there than it is back home or here yeah yeah it's a brutal winter okay i'm gonna take the hills the hills would be great to live in you right and then you can just go visit the beach in summer that's my thing is yeah i'd rather live in the hills visit the beach than live at the beach and visit somewhere else living the beach would be shit house yeah sand everywhere and then when it is

good weather it's flooded with tourists. Yeah. So then your home kind of sucks. And you get shitty about tourists in summer as well. Yeah. You go, oh, well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back. Where were you in winter when it was nine degrees here? Why weren't you swimming then, you fucking sellout?

Smarter. But I wonder what's happening here. I wonder if Daniel, maybe the irony here is that he's a massive beach fan. Maybe he can't stand the hills. Danny Hill. You've got to meet me halfway. Yeah, yeah, it's fair. Give me a fucking hand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. My gosh. I'll put my hand up. I wasn't there for you there. It was a trust exercise. This is my first one. I didn't know. You've got to have someone pass too. It was a trust exercise and I was checking my phone.

I'm sorry. As you were falling towards me, I thought, what else is happening? Yeah, I don't know. I thought, you know what? I thought we'd, it was a pretty boring name. I thought we'd done as much as we could with it. I was like, I'd mentally checked out. I'm trying to wrap it up. I know.

I'm with you. Look, I'm on the machine here. And the fifth name had just popped up and I was just starting to deal with that. I was starting to reel with what's coming up next. This is what meditation teaches you. You've got to live in the moment. You've got to live in the Daniel Hill. I'm not into meditation.

And I want to be. I've got to get into it. What did you say? I'm not into meditation. Is that a show? I think you you say I'm not into meditation is that a show you said I'm not into penetration it's like that would be

the best Freudian slip of all time no no no I'm into I'm into I'm into double meditation imagine imagine being 43

and if you honestly had gotten this far in your life thinking what it was it's like my mates are always telling me I need to chill out

and try meditation. Can't see how that's going to fucking let me unwind. But you just said meditation. No, but if that's what you thought it was. Oh, right. If you thought they were the same thing. Right. Okay.

You know. All right. Number five. Yeah. So. Oh, the last one. Yeah, it's the last one. Dictated by you.

You shouldn't be surprised. You asked for this. No, I'm excited. Yeah. Oh, the last one. Yeah, it's the last one. Dictated by you. You shouldn't be surprised. You asked for this. No, I'm excited. Okay. Yeah, okay. All right. Here it is, Josh. The fruits of your labor.

Yeah. Great. Let's see what's so... I mean, you guys have had a ball talking about people's names so far. Cameron Hull, Jeremy Ford, Dominic Parker, Daniel Hill. And can I just say, and I know the old saying, a bad workman blames his tools. Yes.

But that being said, tools, you're about to be put on notice. Yeah. Particularly bad batch of names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a very inspiring bunch at all. I'm with you. And, you know, we had an extra guest. Thank God we had Josh helping us out.

And even still it was a slop. I know. I'm looking back to two weeks ago. I've got a record here of two weeks ago. Carla Carroll, Harry Caddy, Mike Steele, Barry Honey. How are you managing to look back two weeks ago? Yeah, do you have to pay extra on the untitled name? What do you think?

You think I would have a computer this big that has absolutely no memory of something that happened two weeks ago? Do you think this is just one of those fucking ticker tape machines that you see in fucking War of the Worlds or something? I believe that's how we've described it in the past, yes. It also has that weird function on the button where you hit it really loudly the first time, then every other time I've been hitting it, I haven't been able to hear it. Oh, yeah. The first hit was massive. I think that's because Dasslo fixed it up in post, even as it was happening.

Yeah, I put the silencer on. Probably not good names for this, but good names for life, these people. They've had it easy. Nothing like, yeah. But, you know. Not for entertainment, but, you know, solid. Daniel Hill, D. Hill. Walking around.

D. Hildo. Walking around names. I'm hoping that people can hear the music coming off your child's swing. I know, because it is... It'd be a bit more interesting than what we've managed to come up with. It is particularly spooky at the moment, because it's still swinging, and I looked over, and the music's going, the thing is swinging, and there's no baby in there. She's got up and walked away.

It looks like the first... The first steps. It looks like about the eight-minute mark on a midday telemovie on Channel 7 where it's like, oh, just check on, oh, my God, it's gone. Now, shouldn't a toy like that have some kind of weight sensor in it so that if it notices that the baby is out abruptly, it sounds an alarm, like your kid has gone missing? Or maybe it's got like a dingo alert or something, part of it as well or something.

Whatever happened there with that story? What do you reckon happened? I think a dingo. Do you think a dingo really did it? Because you know what I think about all this sort of stuff is that you see a lot of crimes. You see a lot of things that have happened 20, 30 years ago. And then nowadays we're starting to see them with fresh eyes and go, like a Michael Jacksonson thing where everyone then goes like at the moment is going well of course he fucking did all this stuff yeah have a look at all this stuff and you go have we been were we under a fog you know

20 years ago 30 years ago where we were just like what the fuck was everyone thinking i just think no one had to care you know what i mean we it was a different thing where it's like you didn't you could know but just be like it's easy for me to just block this out and not think about it not have to worry about it right because there's no social construct of like you know if i put this on at a party i'm gonna have someone at the party going get that shit off the stereo sure i was even particularly thinking about the music but just the fact that you know you'd see him with kids and whatever but anyway that's not what i was bringing up because like we've just, society have decided that

at the moment, you know, what happened there. Yes. Here's something with Michael Jackson. So my kids love the music of Michael Jackson.

Right. They don't know that he's a bad man. It's a real siren song for him. This is how he got to them. Well, Beck, my wife,

don't say her name, but her name is Beck. She teaches music. Do say her name. And she's got a Bachelor of Music and she was telling me the other day, maybe he was such a musical savant he knew the siren sound to attract children to make he he did write the theme to ice cream trucks so no he didn't but it is that thing like that could be a thing he was like yeah yeah kids like my music i'm gonna really play this

up he should have been in comedy he seems like comedy. Michael Jackson should have been in stand-up comedy I think. He seems like the sort of guy that would fit it in quite well. Some idiot that never wanted to grow up. He'd be so relatable. I mean, I sort of see the angle you're coming at but it's rough to lump us all in with the world's most notorious pedophile. Sure. This guy would fit right

in. Imagine him, imagine someone in comedy just all of a sudden, like, their skin starting to change colour. What the hell? Or wearing a glove on stage. Yeah, exactly. He built a statue of himself. He sounds like a comedian to me.

Yeah, that's true. He's that narcissistic, but anyway. Anyway, what I'm saying is, Azaria, the Lindy Chamberlain thing, what are we thinking now? What's the general consensus? Have you seen a dingo, though? A dingo could easily just take a chick. Could it? Yes.

They're like proper big animals. And they can't be trained. If you're so sure, Carl, let's myth bust this with your baby. Yeah, exactly. You wouldn't leave your child with a dingo. If a dingo came in here right now. You would pick your child up off the floor. But also, I wouldn't go camping with it.

How old was Azaria when it all happened? But it was like the 80s. It was a different time. People went camping with their families. It wasn't Netflix yet. You had to get out and do shit. Did people? Yes.

I remember my parents telling a story. We went camping and it was raining heaps and we were on lilos. That's what we were sleeping on. And it was flooded and my younger brother was floating away. You know what? My first memory is my dad bringing me out to a creek and me being in the water and sort of seeing him from afar not being in the water.

And then I've said that to him and said, I reckon that's my first memory and him going, yeah, I remember putting you in the water and then going, whoa, what the fuck? Where's he going? But going in the middle of what? Northern Territory near Ayersers Rock, with a baby, that's pretty insane. Didn't they live around there?

There we go. Two months. She was two months old. Yeah. You don't go camping with a two-month-old in the Northern Territory. Maybe the baby was sleeping really well and they went, oh, this is easy. Let's go and go out there. That's absolutely insane.

Look, if people studied the court case very closely, you've probably heard exactly everything I've said in the court case. Just the judge going, that's fucking insane. Come on, mate. What are you fucking trying to pull here? That just seems, that's just, it's like the OJ thing. You look at that now and go, this is so obvious, but somehow he got found not guilty.

Someone came in with a two month old and said no, no, no, dog came and got it. That's insane. Hey, not a dog, a dingo. Yeah. Type of dog. Not a type of dog. It's its own creature. Looks like a dog to me. Looks like a dog. Again,

if I'm the judge in this case, sorry, it's a dog. They're guilty, the parents are guilty, and that's a dog. The bingo is guilty of being a dog. The dog defense is like OJ putting on the glove. Yes, right, right, right. I do feel like we are just about to break this case wide open, but I really have to go, so if we could do this last night, that would be great. Okay, thank you to the Patreon subscriber. This, but I really have to go. So if we could do this last night, that'd be great. Okay, okay.

Thank you to the Patreon subscriber. This is a weird name. Josh Comedy. Oh, wow. Josh, that's a good name. That's the most bizarre thing I've ever heard on this show. Josh Comedy? Yeah, why?

Well, my name's Josh, and I do comedy. That's what I should call myself. What do you mean? Well, Josh is my name. Well, it's actually Joshua. Okay, go on. Wow, an exclusive. But I shortened it to Josh.

Right. For comedy purposes. Right. And I perform stand-up comedy on stages all around Australia. Yeah, I think the parents definitely did kill that baby. Is comedy spelt with a C or a K? C. Yeah, see, a masculine comedy.

That's good. Your witness. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening. Thank you, Josh, for joining us. Check out Don't You Know Who I Am. I don't think you got that plug out in the actual ep. Out every Thursday.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets. Come and see us in a town near you. Support us on Patreon. And we'll see you next week. See you, mates.