The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 463 - Sam Mac & Ben Lomas

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

It's the return of the unofficial wacky weatherman of the podcast, SAM MAC, and our favourite aficionado of Comedy, BEN LOMAS. We spend most of our time grilling Sam about a competition we entered that was run by his employer, plus we get some behind the scenes scoops from The Full Monty Australia and we learn about the secret past of Mrs. Chandler. PLUS an update on Tommy's fundraising feud in Talking Dum Dum! MELBOURNE! We're doing a small live podcast quite soon. September 13, 8:30pm. PERTH! We're coming back with our yearly massive show. October 13, 4pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode with guests Sam Mack and Ben Lomas. We have live shows coming up all over the place, littledumbdumbclub.com for information. We have a new thing to announce at the end of the episode in our patented Talking Dumb Dumb segment. Let's get right into it. Enjoy this great episode, Ben Lomas and Sam Mack. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. A great episode today. We are sitting here... Oh, you said I haven't listened yet. We are sitting here in near darkness. You must be wrapped.

Your favourite type of environment to podcast in. And do most things in, yeah. I like the lights left fully on for most of my activities. You like to root in 7-Elevens. I get it. Yeah. Joining us on the show today, We have a big fan of comedy Ben Lomas

And the unofficial wacky weatherman Of the Little Dumb Dumb Club Sam Mack Hi guys, welcome to my hotel room Yes, we are live from your hotel room Live straight into the recorder that is But thank you very much for fitting us into your busy schedule We know you're very busy today

Because I was outside, there's heaps of weather out there, so I'm sure you've got a lot to do. I've posted the whole weather thing. It's almost like people want it every day. Fucking hell. That was the only way we could get you down here. We put some calls in. We got some weather going in this city. You were forced to come down here and comment on it, and then we struck.

Well, it's worth it. It's quite a regular occurrence now that I'll invite three men to my hotel room. Did you notice that the staff at the Como weren't even phased by it? Oh, man. Not only that, but like, so you sent me a message that said just come up to room X and then... You can say the room number. By the time this goes, it'll be long gone. All right.

Room X. Room 67. Room 69. Okay. I thought that would be slightly embarrassing for you because you always insist on that. But anyway, okay, I'll put it out there. Well, you jumped at the opportunity to be in it. Yes, totally.

The Sam Mack suite, room 69 at the Como building. So we were down there. I dropped your name. I dropped a room number. And then they said, oh, well, bring ahead. What's your name? And I said Carl

Carl and Ben and then he leans in and goes Benzo yeah is that part of a new like are you rebranding

I'm rebranding it what's the strategy for the rebrand Benzo so this is twice he's embarrassed me in five minutes because I walked here

and as I'm walking here some fat idiot on a bike rides by and goes comedy look I did yell at comedy Because I walked here, and as I'm walking here, some fat idiot on a bike rides by and goes, comedy! Look, I did yell out comedy because I miss, because where Dastley used to live, I used to be able to drive past once a day at least and just yell out comedy. And now you've moved and it's not on the way to anything. So when I saw you, because you actually, I pulled up my bike and I had to take a call.

And you walked past and I was taking a call and I was about to yell out comedy and then realised, hang on, I probably shouldn't do it on the phone. So is that your new catchphrase that is yet to catch on? Look, Sam, you don't understand how much I love comedy. It's hard to have a catchphrase when you're not well known at all. Like, normal people on the street can have catchphrases. No one knows about them. And it's also hard to have a catchphrase when you yourself can barely get it out

because you're laughing too much at the idea of your own catchphrase. I know. I do. I sometimes start laughing before I say comedy. No, I love it, Sam. I do. I love it. I don't care how good it goes.

You know what the best thing is? I prefer it when it goes really, really bad. I know. I've heard you on the podcast. There it is. You're welcome to start the same sort of thing if you like when you start your show in the morning and just go, Whip it! It's not too far removed from what I actually do.

You really need to bring that vibe. You need to bring that energy, particularly for the 544 cross. And it is a 544 cross. When I started on the show, I was always told, you've to bring that energy, particularly for the 5.44 cross. And it is a 5.44 cross. When I started on the show, I was always told, you've got a 5.30 cross. It took me about a year and a half to realise that the news goes for about 14 minutes. And I can actually get the cab to arrive at 5.42

and be on for 5.44. That extra 12 minutes of sleeping makes a world of difference for me. That's very educational for a lot of wannabe weathermen out there. Yes, yes, yes. And I'm sure there's millions listening

you laugh you're staring at one right over here comedy it really is one step away from warm up

synoptic charts which direction though yeah give us a give us a preview right now give us a bit of a taste

we're here at Templestowe with these lovely kids oh it's fucking sunny okay so swearing and saying of you right now. Give us a bit of a taste. Oh, we're here at Templestowe with these lovely kids. Oh, it's fucking sunny. Okay, so swearing and saying ooh

after kids, not a good area. Not a good area. Not even in weathermanning. Like, just in general. Yeah. Is that an angle that exists out there?

The rude, the bawdy weatherman? The weatherman that's working blue? Yeah, that would be up late. Instead of going in the morning,

he's like, I'm fucking dick off today. Weathermen are too friendly And too cheery You're right I never thought about this You're so early in the morning That's why We need some up late weathermen

Yeah Some weathermen In the middle of rage On ABC And just telling it like it is It's like you're being cheery While you're telling us It's going to be four degrees today

Get fucked I'd lie to you That's not good Or just getting me To come around And look up at the sky Look at those clouds They look like a pair of tits my mom's very excited by today because uh i told her that you were on and she

i've she said she just started asking questions which she never does and then she said yeah yeah sam mack i'm very fond of him oh like I've never heard my mum say the word fond, ever. She never cares about the podcast, anything like that. Or you. This is my career, anything like that. But I talked to her yesterday about it, and then she rang me today to go, how did it go? I'm like, it hasn't happened yet.

She's like, all right, let me know. Oh, I love that. She's keeping tabs on it. Yeah, what can you tell me about her? Like, I've only heard you mention her a few times on the podcast. Well,

she said, text her mid-pod and let her know how it's going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about, let's give her a call.

What about, Sam was offended and he left the podcast early but I think it'll be okay and just see what kind of response we get. I don't think that's, I don't think she would

take the bait. She's just started taking an interest in what he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me have this. What's the point of having family if you can't toy their emotions for entertainment purposes? She did say, I was like, oh, do you want me to say something to him for you?

And she said, say hello from the lady from the bush. Should I say that? That sounds like an area for the rude weatherman. From the bush, I'll get in her bush. Anyway, over to you. And his other character, Single Entendrement. One of my favourites. What if you immediately knew who that was,

like from the lady from the bush, and this is how we find out your mum's been sending explicit text messages to the Sunrise Weatherman. I've got Bush Lady on Snapchat. Yeah. Mum, if you have somehow figured out what a podcast is, how to listen, or how to get a phone

that can possibly play anything, I'm sorry about all of this. Yeah, and thank you for your fondness, Mrs Chandler, and I'm sorry that Carl wanted to play that awful prank on you that he suggested in the podcast, but that won't be happening. Now, speaking of, so you're the weatherman for Sunrise, speaking of,

we had a little bit, vaguely something to do with Sunrise a few weeks ago. So, you know of our podcast festival that we have in Coastal Moor every year. Celebrating three years, is that right? Three years this year, yes. And I heard it's not coming back next year.

That's right. That's what they say every year. No, it's not. We've never said that. It's not coming back. Tom Gleeson, he ended hard quiz, you know, and then he won a gold. You guys are going to win some sort of podcast equivalent award. Yeah, the award they're going to set up for themselves.

Yeah, yeah, totally. We've already won best podcast at the Coastal New England International Podcast Festival out of one podcast that went. So, no, the trophy cabinet is full. So we did say, like, this year was the last one. But then a few weeks later, Sunrise, one of our listeners forwarded the fact that there was a Sunrise competition to win a trip to Coastal New England in conjunction with, for some reason, Ed Sheeran's new album.

Yeah. To celebrate the release of Ed Sheeran's new album of collaborations, win a collaboration with you and seven friends to go to Koh Samui or something like that? That was the link? Was that the link? No, that's good work from Dassler there. They didn't have enough nows to think of that.

Tell us in 25 words or less, what's the longest bow you've ever drawn? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like you're looking into it going, is Ed Sheeran there? No, he's not there at all. Has he been there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is there a song about Koh Samui? Is that an anagram of Ed Sheeran? You sent it to me. I'm like, who cares about it? I don't want to fucking go and see Ed Sheeran, even if it is a trip to Koh Samui. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I thought it was was just a trip but you actually got tickets to his concert no no no no but that's what everyone thought when they saw it because we started

sharing it around people like it's here and we meeting no no no it's just i don't know why there's no connection they obviously had it in the prize uh draw they pulled it out edge here and come in want to do some anyway you know more than me actually I wouldn't this is the first time seriously I'm so well A

so self absorbed but I'm so focused on my crosses and the people that I'm dealing with that I don't hear most of the show so often

someone will say to me I can't believe what Koshi said about blah and I won't know what they're talking about I'll just guess and I'll just play along

but yeah I don't know and the weather in Koh Samui, pretty consistently sunny. There's nothing here for you, mate. There's nothing to comment on. Is there a weatherman in Thailand? I'm sure there is a wacky weatherman in Thailand. There have to be. It's a universal language, the weatherman or woman.

They'd be wackier there than anywhere, I reckon. Yeah. Okay, now, none of us, let's not have a crack at the voice. Let's not do an impression. See the Ben was pulling. Exactly. There's only one person in here that would have. It is so hard.

No, no, no. He's got his character bro Samui ready to go. We're all visualising it in our heads. That can be enough. I think it was like you got the tryptophan Samui and then everyone in the group got an Ed Sheeran hat. And maybe a copy of the CD. No, that wasn't it.

Really? Yeah, no, the competition was you and then seven friends all being flown over return, and then you all get to stay in the one huge villa for seven days, everything taken care of. And it was like, oh, my God, this is the best. I'm not a competition enterer. This is the best.

So then I just hit up everyone I knew in comedy. Everyone. To then go, let's make a deal, right? Yeah. We all enter. If someone wins. Yeah, yeah, I'll enter. But then, of course, there was about 20 of us in the end.

Yeah. So there's only eight people can go. So then I'm going, this would be amazing. And this place was worth like $1,500 a night. Oh, wow. I'm like, we could finally go back to Koh Samui seven weeks after we were there but it looked amazing so i was like right we're gonna win this has it been announced yet well you had you had to enter you had to write a 25 word answer to what's your what's your favorite edge here in collaboration what did you write why well this is

the thing so then because there were so many permutations of it, I was like, right, give me your name and email address and phone number and everything. And me and Tommy are going to sit down and write all the permutations of all the possible answers and whatever. You know, we're TV writers. We can think of some slightly clever sort of standout answers. Mention the client. Yeah.

Yeah. So we were, we, yeah, we Unique entries On behalf of about 20 different people Yes From the world of the pod Yes Yeah right It's like a guest

That we could use If we went over there We could sit there And record some episodes People that No one too famous Because obviously I'm not going to see

Koshi drawing out of a barrel Dave Hughes is the winner Of the Costa Nui So I got called up No but I mean Yeah You were Because I I guess you look into the terms and conditions

and like you can't win because you work for Channel 7. Ben Lymus has worked for Channel 7. He does the warm-up for Sunrise, doesn't he? Don't you do that? Yeah, yeah. So before Sam's there in a cab, I'm just like, come on, school kids, let's go, go, go, go, go.

Yeah, it's weird when he does an hour in my hotel room on the road. It's like, man, really? So we sat there and it became... I had so much work to do. And instead of that, I was sitting there fucking hitting up comics and asking for their phone numbers and then writing reasons why I like Ed Sheeran for like two days. Fucking hell, it was the worst.

So then... I started to get Stockholm Syndrome. I think I kind of liked Ed Sheeran by the end of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It drove me a bit insane having to sit and get into the mind of the kind of simple individual that's enough of a prize pig to be entering an Ed Sheeran competition and going, but just that as a question.

Like, I like this song for this reason. It's like, I think I mentally set myself back about 20 years. Like, I felt... Surely you would have ran out of ideas. You would have gone, oh, I like him Because of his red hair Yeah but that's the thing Because you're going Okay we can win this

Because we're clever Than your average person That's waiting for 6.30 To enter competitions right We've got a bit of spark This is what we do For a living So we're writing

These sort of Slightly clever stuff And whatever And then I'm saying To everyone Right this is You don't have to do then I'm saying to everyone right this is you won't you don't have to do anything

I'm writing it for everyone but just let me know if you win alright if they ring you up on the Friday or whatever it is just let us know

so I sent in we wrote 20 entries have you read any of the entries out on the podcast no I mean because they're not amazing or anything

I could probably tell you but you're a TV writer as you keep mentioning you're cleverer than that. Give us your best one. What's your best one? Off the top of my head, what was there?

There's some real clunkers. But, you know, you've got to do some puns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My favourite collaboration was the one when Ed Sheeran collaborated with Eminem because he really went the extra eight miles. Oh, clacking out. Yeah, yeah. Pun central. Or my favourite was the collaboration with Eminem

because it was my favourite song to listen to while I was eating mum's spaghetti. I think I'm slowly finding out why we didn't win. You guys edit the podcast, right? Spoiler alert, we didn't win. But see, I've always been sceptical about big competitions in magazines or anything. So, you know, we're sitting down, we're writing these things and, you know, you've got to do it, you've got to be in it to win it. But at the same time, in the back of my head, I'm just going, people don't win these.

It just goes to the cousin of the janitor or some shit. There's no one sitting there judging these. No, terms and conditions are spelled out so that doesn't happen. I reckon that happened in the 80s and 90s, but now they're legit competition. You have to give it to someone who wins. But they say that like you read about any competition, they say, oh, there's terms and conditions, there's little asterisks, you've got to read

through it all and there's pages of information, yet I was nominated for a Gold Logie. So, you've got to ask yourself, how legit is this? Oh, the votes all count What was your entry in 25 words Why you wanted to win the Gold Logie? I made a pun about mum's spaghetti

Oh yeah Fuck that's why I did You were judging our competition You pitched my entry To use an old one Right 15 minutes it took him To bring up the Gold Logie

I was hoping that we could Just talk about our Caloring competition For the whole episode Get to the year never bringing it up. You know, the competition was 25 words or less. Carl's story was 25,000 words or less. Well, see, this is the thing.

So we wrote 20 entries. We put them all in the names of, like, other comedians and us and whatever. Yeah. And in the end, we didn't win. Yeah, Tommy told us that eight minutes ago. Are you listening to the podcast? But. No, he's cut this.

It was 16. So the thing I'm genuinely mad at, this is the thing, because I was thinking, we've seen some quality entries here. There's puns, there's wordplay, there's heaps of stuff like that. That's what people want in competition, surely. But the only person that I dragged into the competition who I shouldn't have because of his IQ level is nick capper comedian nick capper who i explained what was happening to him and yet he somehow ignored

it all and went yeah cool i've entered i was like no no i just wanted your phone number and your email address and your details and whatever so i could enter you without clever funny entries and he was like i didn't understand that my entry was i think ed sheeran's really good and i think the other person That he contributed with Was really good as well And I just think It was all really good

I'm like You're a fucking idiot You just cost us A trip to Koh Samui And honestly Nothing would have been Better for the narrative Than that entry winning

That was what I was Secretly barracking for And then I would love The scenario of like You know You guys win And then the surprise Is that the winner Gets to meet Ed Sheeran.

So Ed Sheeran meets Cap. And Cap is just confused. Yeah, yeah. Sweet collab. I'm in love with the shape of you. What's the song about? The other disappointing thing about this is, is that not only did we not win the trip of eight people,

return trip, two Costa Moe and the $1,500 a night villa, second prize was an Ed Sheeran jumper and CD. And I was like, very small part of me was like, fuck, I hope I win that because that's super pathetic. It's pretty funny. And that would be really funny. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Didn't even win that. So can you, Sam, can you please...

I can do some research. Yeah, find out. Find out the actual winner. I'd love to know how many people actually enter. Yeah. Like, is it 25,000? Is it just 500? Yeah.

Like, how many people go, nah, can't be far? Because I thought, you know, we'll scam this. We've got 20 people. Surely there's not that many people that enter competitions. Yeah. And at the very least, can you find out who... This is a judged entry. Can you find out and just...

Who's the adjudicator? Yeah, let me know what they were looking for in hindsight. Where did you go wrong? Obviously I wouldn't go back in time and kill Hitler, but I would go back in time and win this competition. You'd enter Hitler into this competition. Well, I loved Hitler's collaboration with Ed Sheeran. That was my entry.

I'm in love with the shape of mine, Cam. That's just Kappa doing Hitler. I forgot that was Ed Sheeran's camp. That's just Cap doing Hitler. I forgot that was Ed Sheeran's voice. That's just Cap on a Friday night. Because when I was a kid, my dad tried to rig a competition. Tried to rig a competition? Well, it's the same thing.

So it was a trip to the Netherlands. I'm originally from the Netherlands. And so it was a Thai magazine. And all you had to do was rename one of Van Gogh's paintings So Dad's like I'm going to buy 110 copies Hang on hang on You had to rename one of Van Gogh's paintings Which magazine was this?

Not to make five Time magazine Why did you have to rename a Van Gogh painting? Because that was the competition That's a better competition than just Tell us why you like one of these songs. Like, that's sick. That's bizarre because surely there's just a lot of people going,

I don't know, fucking flowers in a field? Yeah, yeah. Now, we would have won that one for sure. So it was, I renamed the painting, it was sponsored by Heineken, right? So it was like free trip. So Dan got all the magazines and we sat around the dinner table for like a week, just filling each one in, like going, what would you call it? And it was the painting of the guy with the, you know,

he's chopped off his ear or Van Gogh's chopped off his ear. You know, that one where he's just lost his shit. That guy where he chopped off his ear. You mean Vincent Van Gogh. Oh, his name's Vincent. Vinny. Vinny. And so we, and I remember we filled them all out and dad's like,

he was convinced he was going to win, right? Give me some entries. What was his name again? The only one I remember we filled them all out and dad's like he was convinced he was going to win right give me some entries what was he doing the only one I remember as a kid was it just all sorry you'll have to speak up

that was one of them hello it was one of the I thought it was dad's funny it was hello hello question mark because he can't hear

oh great great oh Mr Lomax you've done it again comedy comes to the family Heineken and then it just got really lame because then Oh, Mr Lomax, you've done it again. Comedy! Run to the family. Heineken!

And then it just got really lame because then we started like, he had a couple of good ones. I started getting lame because he's wearing a blue shirt and then it's like, one was, where did you get the blue shirt from? Oh, God. Goodness. Like, horrendous. You've got to cover your bases because you don't know exactly, that's kind of what I guess what we were doing

with this is like you don't know exactly what they're in for so you chuck in a pun you chuck in a silly little oh this is just nice you know you've got to cover the field

so eventually the winner is announced and it's the next time magazine and dad's like it's weird we haven't got a call yet so he goes

this is the same emotions I'm going through so he gets the magazine and I'll never forget He opens up And you just hear from the living room Just Oh fucking bullshit

And the winner was It was Hold My Beer Because it was sponsored by Heineken So we didn't think to add Yeah we didn't think to add that whole thing So Dad was furious right But it's still just a picture of a guy with no ear Yeah

Or he's holding a drink as well, I think. Something like that. Yeah. Or it's out of shot. But it was perfect. It should have been hold my ear.

It's out of shot. We're now going to have to Google image the Van Gogh painting where a beer is allegedly out of shot. Yeah, that's great. Van Gogh stood in front

of a beer and then painted his own picture. Is that what you're saying? That's great. I'm having an exhibition in a few months. I'm just going to stand at the opening, just stand near the pieces, go, you should see what's happening out of shot on this one.

Some absolute filth. Oh, that's cold. So anyway, then come back like two years later, Davin's really furious and we were out buying carpet. Kids, get in the car. No, I like buying carpet because you get to walk along. Anyway, it doesn't matter. So we're there.

It really doesn't matter. We start talking, and the guy goes to my mum, is that where you're originally from? And she goes, oh, I'm originally from the Netherlands. He goes, oh, funny thing is from the Netherlands. He goes, oh, funny thing is I won a trip to the Netherlands. And just went, we're not buying comedy. No way. So good.

Fuck. Oh, comedy. It is, yeah, that day, that was such an exciting day because we knew it's being drawn on the Friday. So that was the day you, me and Blakey were hanging out and we'd all entered and just us driving around

and I think over the course of the day we all got calls from numbers that we didn't have in our phone so it's like all of us like

oh fuck it Tommy's on the phone at one stage and he's going oh I'm a bit busy can you call back later and we both scream take the prize

what are you doing take the call I'd only answered because I thought it might have been that and it was like What is this And it was just like

Some fucking I don't know Someone from my phone company Wanting to upgrade I'm like I'll deal with this Fucking later But was it like the cash cow

So if they called You had to answer And then you won the prize I don't think so No I think that's just the cash cow Not all phone calls Go through the same rules

As the cash cow Just so you know So who is the cash cow The cash cow, just so you know. So who is the cash cow? The cash cow is a different character. Have you ever done it? All the time. I've never done it. My producer has.

I actually met my producer, Sean Flynn, a.k.a. the human emoji, when he was the cash cow. So I approached him at the Logies. This is when I was still working for the project and asked for a selfie with the cash cow. Little did I know that a year later he would be my executive producer. So it's that easy to climb the ranks in TV? Get a selfie with a cash cow. Can we do it someday?

I'll volunteer to hop in the suit. If you give out that much money to people, I reckon you're going to rise through the ranks of TV. Just got to give it to the right people, that's all. Actually, yeah, can one of us do it one day? Well, it's generally the person who does the kind of guest greeting role at the show. So they're doing other things. So they're kind of organising food and getting guests ready,

welcoming people in, doing cash cow playoffs. It's a very... All in the cash cow. You two idiots are fools for thinking you're qualified to dress up as a cow. I've done suit work. What have you done? I dressed up as a penguin and walked around at a tourism expo

at the exhibition building. What? As a job? This is gold. Why did you do that? Was it a speaking role? No, what did I have to do? I just had to...

I think I just had to point to where it was for like the Phillip Island area of the tourism expo. Yeah. Fuck, it was so long ago. It was through... That's right. It was through a temp Phillip Island area of the tourism expo. Yeah. Fuck, it was so long ago. It was through, that's right, it was through a temp agency that I was with to do like, you know, data entry office work. And then they call me one day and they're like,

got a bit of a left field one here. How do you feel about being a penguin for a week down at the exhibition centre? It was fucking, it was pretty sick. Yeah. Red reminded the koala. So do you remember the koala in the city where it was raising money for koalas? And there was two of them. What?

So a koala suit, just raising money for... Like a wildlife... Yeah, the wildlife foundation. But the koala suit was so old that you could just see the head and the whole thing was drooped over. So it looked like a really sick koala. Yeah, right. Well, that's quite fitting though because you're trying to raise money.

They need help. really sick koala. Yeah, right. Well, that's quite fitting, though, because you're trying to raise money. They need help. But my mate Tim, who at uni, he did it as like a job on the side while he was doing uni. And then one day I was like, how's it going? He goes, I had to quit because too many young kids just love to beat the shit out of a koala. Look, it's a tough gig, the mascot game. I respect people who do it. I know, not dropping names, but I know the 36ers mascot.

I know the Fremantle Dockers, Johnny the Dock. I know a lot of the A-League mascots. It's a physical gig. You get beaten up by kids. You are a beacon for children to kick the fuck out of. You get mocked on podcasts. It's a really tough gig. You know what? I'd never

heard my wife talk about this before the other day But she She's not fond of you I've heard that When she came She like finished uni And then

Travelled in Europe And then came back And Needed to get a job quick Someone suggested One of her friends Was doing some modelling And went

Oh why don't you come along And do this So she was a She was a grid girl At the Grand Prix Right And so i've really been wasting my time not going around introducing her as that former grid girl last 10 years yeah have you met my grid girl wife have you um so i know about the the grid girl uniforms changed over the years you know as as people became more pc and as things change, you know, as people became more PC

and as things changed, which, you know, rightfully so. Apparently a lot of incidents involving men in penguin suits. But what era grid girl was she and what was the outfit? This was, yeah, I think... Was it like the bike pant version or the... Oh, I'd have to... Pretending he's not a creep. He's pretending to not be a creep.

No, no, no, no. I haven't asked him for the photo or to wear it and recreate it. I wasn't looking down that low. I absolutely have asked, and she's like, oh, I'd have to go through some boxes at home. I'm like, well, go through the boxes at home. Hey, there was a chance for Rude Weatherman. Comedy.

Since she told me the story, I've put in plenty of requests. Don't worry. But I haven't got the photographic evidence yet. I'm not trying to make this creepy. I don't want to see it. I just want to know so that I can understand what she's been through. I want to see it. She...

Bunch of rev heads here, aren't we? Love the Formula One. Yeah, on the grid. No, but she was like saying this was near the end of, I think, people doing that sort of stuff because she was doing grid girls and then she was doing modelling at car expos as well. Well, they're not called Grid Girls anymore, are they? Don't they have a different name? Well, I think they actually lost them altogether.

I think the last couple of years it was a bit of a backlash from motoring enthusiasts because they're not around anymore. Even at the Eclipsil 500 where you'd expect you can do anything you like, even there, they're pulling back on it. Yeah, totally. Well, she said that she was hired and they were saying in the interview, it was like, oh, great, you're going to fill the classy role. You're so classy.

You're going to be the exotic classy model. And she's like, wow, this is weird because I'm just walking in and giving so many compliments. Because I'm a complete slag. I'm with Carl Chandler. Not yet. So then she's like, why are they all saying this sort of stuff? And then she turns up and it's like, oh, this is literally what they meant. They had like 11 blonde women and she's brunette.

You're so classy. There's a Rockefeller lady over there. So what, she's like, what, like 22, 23 or something at the time? Yeah, something like that, I think. Right, right. So, yeah. I love the idea of you just like on eBay, just bankrupting yourself,

trying to get one of these vintage grid girl outfits for her to wear around the house. We need another child. Oh, my daughter wants a brother. Yeah, so I was like, oh, you know, was there a lot of creeps? And she was like, yeah, look, it wasn't anything over the top, but there was just constantly men coming up and doing like the whole Simpsons thing of, you know,

do you come with a car? But it was like literally just like, oh, yeah, like asking some dumb question about the car where she's like, I don't know anything. I don't even know the name of who I'm working for. And then it's like, cool, do you want to go to lunch right now? It's like, no. Really?

So they just blatantly ask? Yeah. Wow. Huge. That's ballsy. So that's probably part of the reason why they don't have grid girls anymore. Yeah. It just seems like... It's just continually harassment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But paid harassment. Yeah. That's the thing. So if there's anyone who's angry about there no longer being grid girls, we know who to send your angry emails to, angry letters to over here.

Killed it for everyone. Killed everyone's fun. Yes. Yeah, totally. And if you can find out, send me better entries for the next competition, 25 words or less. Let me know what your favourite edge you're in collaboration. Well, that grid girl was going to be part of our trip to Thailand,

to Koh Samui, had we won. Because that was the only... Oh, yes, of course. You were saying that was the only way you were going to be allowed to have... So I think this is a pretty funny detail. Because, yeah, you could only bring... It was a trip for eight of you, but we end up entering 20 of us. So then, in order to make it fair,

you go into just one of the most autistic efforts I've ever seen, drawing up, if this person wins, here's the seven people that come. Like everyone that we were, it was like the beginning stages of the World Cup. Do you still have it?

Was there a FIFA draw with like balls? Yeah. Group A. You had to do it because it's like there was 20 entries so it's not like i couldn't have it like nick kappa wins and then he's just like okay i guess i'll just bring mom and dad yeah kappa you're part of this fucking partnership yeah yeah okay because i'm dealing with a lot of other open mic comedians who nearly everyone i don't think has finished high school like everyone's a fucking moron I mean I don't know

what it's like in the weatherman world but in the comedy world fucking hell it's a shepherd workshop we are recording this at midday on a what is it Wednesday

yeah it's funny I've opened to an overmite comedian who I saw recently he's like do you do all the rooms and he's just moved

over here and he goes do you do Carl's rooms I've heard I run comedy rooms? I run comedy rooms. You run comedy rooms. But it was just this one thing. I was like, I've heard he's a bit full on.

And, of course, the nice guy I am, I said, what I recommend you do is you just go up to him after and go, say, hi, I'd love to sit down and talk about comedy. Well, I just did a run. We just finished a run in Newcastle I did run Melbourne but I wasn't in Melbourne

for it so I did it in Newcastle and we raised money for Shake It Up Australia and when you donate money you can write a message

and there was just a lot of people going ah Keith good job Jando yeah have a big run whatever Nazeem friend of the show

Nazeem Hussain sent in like contributed like I don't know, $150 or $200. He's doing well. Very generous of him. And then the message was, stop yelling at the comedians at your room.

Is that legally binding now that the money's gone through? So what, I haven't experienced the room. What sort of things do you yell at the comedians for? I don't yell at the comedians for? I don't yell at the comedians. I think we should flesh it out. You don't yell throughout the show. You don't yell throughout the show.

You like to run into people. Is it just going over time? Is that what it is, going over time? It's fun when that happens. Because you just told a 42-minute story. Yes, thank you. That's like sticky feet, Jando. That's like three weeks of your work. And similar standard.

How many minutes together are you on air? It's a day, roughly about almost half an hour, which is a lot. Considering some of the places I visit, it's a lot of content to fill. I'd say out of that half an hour, maybe six or so minutes of it is the weather. And then you've got the rest of it is what we call light entertainment. Oh, yeah. Right, right. Because there is a lot...

It's a lot of just you rocking up somewhere, sticking your dick in custard and going, Melbourne's 30 today, Sydney 27, Darwin 35. We haven't done that for a few weeks, actually. Thank you. But it's like... Hopefully that's the next Thailand competition

Who can stick their dick in custard the quickest My favourite collaboration is Sam Mac's dick And custard We'll win that one for sure You don't see any of that stuff anymore where you're standing in front of a green screen And you're like pushing the clouds No I've never done that I've seen your dick you don't need much custard

We should provide context So Ben was the warm up guy In your dick. You don't need much custard. We should provide context. Yeah, so Ben was the warm-up guy. Did an amazing job, by the way, on The Real Full Monty, which is a show which was just on again, the new one, but we did it last year for the first time at the Enmore Theatre in Sydney in front of 1,000 people. Myself and seven other blokes got naked for men's health to encourage men to get checked for prostate cancer.

I did it mainly for mental health. And yeah, so you've seen me naked. And honestly, he did an incredible job that night. Thank you. Because we went out there and it was like full stadium. They were so into it. But also, I would say it was one of my favourite gigs because it's that weird thing. It's only three minutes of television and I get a thousand people into this theatre.

And they said to me, can you warm up the crowd for an hour? I said, absolutely not. We're not going to sit here and listen to my 2013 show about coffee. Also, a dodgy request when you go, hey, we've got a show called The Full Monty. A bunch of men are going to take their pants down. Can you do warm-up? Well, this is the thing because I loved it because they were like, do whatever you want to do

we just need the crowd to go wild and the first thing I did and it was like let's see how far I can push this I just go ladies and gentlemen

who wants to see some cock and the crowd just erupted which is how I start my sunrise crosses but then the crazy thing about it

was especially when we did that taping is I they said they said to me they're like hey so what we're gonna do is we're gonna take shots

to the audience so can you go up there and then we'll shoot the audience and then you strip and I was like you can fucking piss off right

I was like you're not paying me enough to do that so then I got so lucky I was like who wants to get up and we have to dance and we have to dance

in front of a thousand people who wants to take their shirt off and I pick one guy and the one guy i pick is this huge guy who is the stripper who helped you guys learn how to do some of the dance moves all right so then he got out and then he started dancing and then so he takes off his shirt everyone's going crazy forgetting all the shots and then he turns to me and goes are are you ready? And I'm like, fuck. And so I had to take my shirt off. So I took my shirt off and then everyone's going crazy.

But I know all the crew because I work on all the other ones. And then one of the crew came up to me and just goes, mate, you do not have a good body. I was like, yeah, next week I'll go with a six pack. Who's the host? So the host is Shane Jacobson and... And Todd McKinney. So isn't that confusing when you walk out to do warm-up and they go, why, how has the littler Shane Jacobson doll

gotten out of that big babushka doll? Yeah. Kenny! Kenny! Toilets! It would have been so good if it just came out in overalls and just started sweeping No but I remember it

Because I was like How Because I hadn't done a show like that So I was like How this is going to work So I met you guys all downstairs And What do you mean by that?

So Well as a warm up guy Warm up downstairs I'm also the fluffer So I was just jerking off There we go He spelled it out Good

It's weird you had to encourage him Yeah yeah so I was just jerking off. There we go. He spelled it out. It's weird he had to encourage him. Nice act out of jerking off on the podcast. Thank you. It feels comfortable in a hotel. But then I got to meet everyone, and Sam, you were by far the most nervous person out of all of them. You were shitting yourself. I really was, and like, I wouldn't even try to disguise that.

And you know, that came across on the show. I'm one of those people that rarely gets nude. Like I'm not, I'm not a nude type of person. Even when I go swimming, I'll often wear like shorts

and a t-shirt. Oh, right, right, right. Got the rashy on. So it was, yeah, so far out of my comfort zone. It really was. A lot of the other guys are like,

you know, former NRL players, AFL players, they're nude, you know, most of the time. They don't even need consent. It really was. A lot of the other guys are like, you know, former NRL players, AFL players, they're nude, you know, most of the time. They don't even need consent. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. But I was genuinely, like genuinely, and I still remember the feeling when they said, you're on in one minute, like just mortified.

But after, I wouldn't put my clothes back on because once I'd finished it and there's a shot at the end of the show where for some reason I've got my hand like back like because once I'd finished it and there's a shot at the end of the show where for some reason I've got my hand

like back like that flexing my bicep talking to Todd McKinney I've never done that pose in my life I'm just excited because I've got a spray tan and I'm sparkling

and I'm glowing and I've just got my dick out like how good am I and I look back and I'm like what a wanker what a wanker I was going to say

it is an interesting thing to be going and doing this to raise awareness for mental health by doing something that would send you into a fucking panic attack. It's true. It's true. And I think the only reason they allowed me to make –

it was all about prostate cancer and men over 50 getting checked, which did an amazing job in that area. But I think the reason that they allowed me to make my focus on mental health because that was the only reason I agreed to do it. Because I didn't want to do it. As I said, I did not want to get naked. Because you think prostate cancer is a myth? Don't believe in this?

I'll be damned if I'm taking part in this propaganda. It's sunny 35 and there's no such thing as prostate cancer. Yeah, so that was why I did it. And credit to them, they did have the focus on mental health and prostate cancer is a myth. There wasn't a thing where contractually you had to have your tackle out for X amount of time? Not contractually, but we agreed on three seconds as a group.

But it's hard to gauge how long three seconds is with the bright lights and the confetti. Because what they also did is when the final shot is, so you don't see them naked. It's the shot from behind. Yeah, that's true. So how they fooled the audience, they took all the audience's phone and then right at the end when you guys go naked, fireworks come up. So it's actually very hard.

And just on that, one of the fireworks misfired and it just happened to, oh, what a coincidence happened to the allegedly hottest man in the group, Jet Kenny the blonde Iron Man but the best part about that, the fact that his fireworks didn't go off so which meant that most of the audience seen him the best part about it, he was the only person who invited his mum and his sister who were in the front row

Oh god Yeah, right in the front row How does that go? Hey mum, hey sis, wanna come and see my dick? Yeah, right in the front row. How does that go? Hey, mum, hey, sis, want to come and see my dick? Yeah, or at least... Go for an invite. You know, just on that, so we were all encouraged to invite loved ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they kept saying, Sam, are you bringing... We can fly your mum over. Who are you bringing? Who do you want to bring? Jesus Christ. I knew that I was not bringing anyone. I actually lied to my mates. A couple of my mates knew about it.

I told them that it was on the Thursday night and it was on the Wednesday night. I swear because I didn't want any extra set of eyes there in that room. I got told off at one stage to stop talking to the family and friends because I went up to Lisa Curry Kennedy. Kennedy? Yeah, Kennedy. And so her son was on it.

And I go, hey, Lisa, when was the last time you saw your son's dick? And it gets a big laugh and she goes i don't want to talk about i don't want to talk about something like that anyway i'm about to see it in five yeah yeah and she was like you get right in the front row but then yeah so right at the end they do the big reveal everyone has to get the hat from uh where their cock is throw it up in the air and oh it was the funniest thing because i was standing right on that side of stage i was looking at sam and then the hat goes up in the air. And it was the funniest thing because I was standing right on that side of the stage and I was looking at Sam and then the hat goes up in the air and then you have this moment where you go, I don't think so.

And you slam it back down. It was amazing. It was something that, so when we did the rehearsals, we didn't do a rehearsal where you got completely naked. We did some rehearsals where you still have your underwear on or whatever and you do the hat thing. So that was the first time that I did it and it's dangling there.

And there was just something instinctive about this is not supposed to be consumed publicly. There are laws against this. Something kicked in. And I felt really uncomfortable being so close to Ben. That was another factor. When he says side of stage,

he meant side of me. Side of testicle. He's like, no, no, I'm doing warm-up, mate. We're on stage. I'm practicing. Oh, the weather down here is pretty sticky. I'm a bit wary about this guy in front of me yelling out, genitalia!

But what blows my mind is all those footy players do not care. Like even the next series, like Favola was on it. That was just like, just, yeah. But that's what they've done in the locker rooms for 25 years. Yeah. So did you, it is a bit of a missed opportunity having it be linked to prostate, awareness of prostate cancer. It could have been good if you all, you know, as you're bending over to, like,

pull the hat off, you know, a team of doctors come out, line up behind you and give you the check. Oh, yeah. That would have been good. Tie it all in. Wacky doctors. Big glasses. It would have been good if you pulled the hat away

and in that three seconds you go, look, it's only this big because it's seven degrees today in Melbourne. There's been showers, as you know. But has that awoken anything inside you where you're now like you know now that you've done it once

and you've had the thrill of being nude in public did you you know because it's like I think it's most people's biggest fear

have you found yourself now like whoa that was fucking that was alright um no I haven't found that it's alright

but I have found that I'm slightly more comfortable with it I think maybe like four months later I got nude in comfortable with it. I think maybe like four months later, I got nude in Japan with two men in an onsen. It was for TV, for a show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that I probably... The show hasn't come out yet. No one knows what the name of it is yet, but yeah. I probably wouldn't have done that if I hadn't done the real Full Monty before. I think that made me go, if I've done that, then I can do this. So it probably made me a little bit more comfortable.

I'm still not a huge enthusiast of it. So if you go back to Sunrise and you find out that this competition to Koh Samui has been completely rigged and we are awarded it and we bring you over, you will take your T-shirt off in the pool. Is that what you're saying? For you guys? Yeah. As long as Ben's not there.

I'll be on the stage. Mate, there's no stage. Aside of me. It hasn't stopped me before. So who's on the next season of it? Ladies is the next one to go to air. It is a bizarre thing, just this idea of come along and see men take their pants down. Does anyone really want that to happen?

Mate, people want it. I could not believe how excited the crowd was to see yeah naked celebrities it's like it was it was weird i mean some of them were i hadn't never heard of them before but i assume that was i'm right here um a lot of it honestly like i had so they played it on the sunday night and then this is my series then they played on the thursday night so they played it twice in a week um and I had something like 700 direct messages from people in that week. Carl's mum.

Yeah, Carl's mum, the bush lady, was at it again. But saying things like, well done for doing that or that was really funny or we watched that, that was great. But then maybe like one in every 30 or 40 comments was something like, hey, I watched that with my dad and he's now going to go get checked. Or my brother is now going to do it. So it really did work.

It absolutely worked. I think 1.6 million people watched it. Yeah, right. So it went really well. Hence them doing that season of it. But when it goes on TV, you're not actually seeing anything, though? No, no, no. So right at the end, it's the shot.

Just like in the movie, it's the shot from behind. Right. With all the lights going, we did it, we did it. Prostate cancer is a myth. And it's a shot of my face. I'm smiling. That's it. But you're seeing full body.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, yeah, right. No sense of crack. Yeah, yeah. It's not like you're seeing a full shot of a penis. Right, right. So what you really should be focusing on is making sure

your bum is nice and chiseled tone that ass what so many of you did is just you wax it up there was barely a hair on BT

I mean it just looked like one big oily pig like one tail of football yeah so just yeah it was crazy like no one had any hair

thanks Captain Reset I love him he's a great character doesn't get all the laughs but keeps people interested and aware. Sometimes people at home want to know what the fuck is going on. Yeah, yeah. See, I'd go the other way. I'd be getting some Rogaine and lathering it in the crack just to get a full...

Is this you putting your hand up for the next season, Tom? Oh, my God, let's do a podcast version of it. Get a bum toupee. Bum transplant. Get hair surgically taken out of my head and put into my ass. You could sell advertising space on your ass. And the good thing is two cheeks, so two different ads. Oh, there we go.

Yeah, that'd be great. It had to be like a non-competing clause. You couldn't have Coke on one and Pepsi on the other. I'm not sure if it's on brand for Coke or Pepsi, to be honest. I'm pretty sure a lot of that stuff may give you problems downstairs. As you're chugging down a bottle of wine. Is this the suicide pact? Is that why we're in a hotel room?

He's had four bottles of Pepsi in 30 minutes. Oh, man. I think we're running out of time because you are a very busy man. We are absolutely not, but you've got more Sunrise stuff. Like they say in the business, weather never stops. So you've got to get out there and attend to it. So thanks very much for having us in your hotel room, Sam. But please, there's homework. Please get to the bottom there and attend to it. So thanks very much for having us in your hotel room, Sam. But please, there's homework.

Please get to the bottom of this absolute rort. Find out which one of Michael Pell's cousins has walked away with this seven, eight-man trip to Koh Samui. Do you know when it was drawn? How recent are we talking? It was like two weeks ago. Okay. So still find out. There's still blood on their hands?

Yes. We did go Googling. There's still blood on their hands? Is that what you're We did go Googling. There's still blood on their hands, is that what you're saying? It's a good Ed Sheeran pun. Fuck. That was the one. We did go Googling.

The other day, we were trying to find the results. We were trying to find if... Yeah, because legally... It's been published. It has to be drawn. And it has to be witnesses. Yeah, like the lottery commission.

Yeah, it's a full thing. You don't have to have someone there you have to have someone witness what they've done is correct so I'm sure you could rot that bit so please

do us a favour do some homework find out who won details of them so I can ring them up and say

why wasn't it me instead of you can I come along yes and bring seven friends and you not come it would have been so fascinating

because it was all of us the prize is all of you staying and you not come. It would have been so fascinating because the prize is all of you staying in the one villa and it would have been you coming along with your wife and your new

baby. So it would have been like a baby living with Brett Blake and Kappa for a week. I'm fascinated to see how that would

have gone. My wife is out of the deal because she would not allow me to go without her so she had to be in every permutation

of every result that happened. Meanwhile other people are in permutations where it's like anyway your girlfriend's just not allowed to come if this person wins. not allow me to go without her so she had to be in every permutation of every result that happened meanwhile other people are in permutations where it's like anyway your girlfriend's just not allowed to

come if this person wins totally I'll do my best I'll research that I'll find out and I'll report back and find out what

they were looking for if the judges I want to know and what qualifications did these judges have yeah you can find that out yeah You can find that out. Yeah, I can find that out.

Yeah. I might approach it with a slightly less bitter tone but I will I will Good luck. No, but thank you guys. I love your podcast.

Anytime that I can get on it I always love coming on and it's hilarious. So thank you very much. Thanks, Sam. And if you call in sick, Sam you know who to turn to. We never get that sort of love

from Ben Lomas when he's on our show. It's just more just screaming at me in public. Hey, before we go, can I just say one thing? To the listeners out there who are aware of this show, there's one listener in particular. Which is 100% of the people who are listening right now. Ever heard of a little Dunlop? Are you going to do an ad for us?

I was doing a warm-up, and one listener just threw me, just threw such an amazing curveball, because I was doing a warm-up, and one listener just threw such an amazing curveball because I was doing a warm-up for a big show. I usually pick one person out of the audience, and I said, look, when the host comes out, it has to be big and loud. I said, okay, so what's your name? I can't remember their name. I said, look, on the count of three, I want you to give me a big yeah on the count of three. If you all do well, we'll all give you a big round of applause.

I go, one, two, three. And in front of 300 people, he just steps in and just goes, comedy! And just was so proud of himself. Great.

Took a step back and I was like, I can't explain this to the other 300 people who don't know what the fuck's going on. What was their reaction? Everyone just went,

what? I thought he was supposed to say yeah. And he was just sitting there just nodding his head going, nailed it. Nailed it. That's the opposite of what happened to me today. So great. I'm glad someone drive-by comedied you.

Yeah, salute to that, man. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. Comedy. And they've done it again. You finished the edit job on this episode? Have we got all the bad stuff out?

Bad stuff? Didn't we have to edit something out? No, there was one little thing. Okay. Well, first of all, let me say this. We may not have won the competition to go to Thailand, but you know what we have won? What?

A coveted trophy that says they've done it again oh fuck great to finally win one of those yeah yeah i can't believe you nearly the people would have been up in arms you almost railroaded me we wouldn't have gotten to it it would have been a rough week on social media people don't complain, do they, about things? No. So a day or two after we recorded this was when all the stuff was online about Fiona. Yes. And one of our guests got cold feet. Yeah. Worried that he had said some inappropriate things. He hadn't even come close to saying some inappropriate things. Yeah, I mean the rest of us had, but he hadn't.

Yeah. But because he's so important and such high profile that, yes, Ben Lomas did request that we edit Fitz out. Sam Mack was on there talking about how Celsius is better than Fahrenheit, so we had to take that out because otherwise he would have gotten in trouble. So, look, what we talked about, the Koh Samui competition on Sunrise, we have had a little bit of time to follow up on this. I've been pestering to get a result out of this from the high up, from the brass.

The top brass? Yeah. Or just one of the mid-level brass? Well, I think mid-level brass. Okay. I don't think this goes all the way to the top. I don't think this is like... Tim Warmer, the top of Channel 7, got the sack the other day.

I don't know whether this had anything to do with it or not. It can't be confirmed. I don't want to say anything and have to edit this out. But it's very coincidental timing, I would say. Interesting. He's got boned just before this comes out, almost to sort of cut off a dead limb for the rest of the body to survive. I've always thought of you as a bit of a deep throat.

Yes. For very different reasons. This is less Watergate than Westgate. So what have you got? Do we have an update? It's pretty much a we're not at liberty to say. I think that was basically the comment we got out of this. It was like we don't have to say anything about the results.

Don't they? I think they do, don't they? Yeah, what's my thought? Legally, don't you have to put out there, isn't there some thing where you've got to publicly list it somewhere? I'm going to hit them up. See, this is all using a middleman. It's down to me yet again. I better do the legwork here.

Well, what are you going to... So, who did this go... Did you just pester Sam to get the information? Well, who knows? We don't want to have to edit more of this stuff again. I better do the legwork here. Well, what are you going to... So who did this go... Did you just pester Sam to get the information? Well, who knows? We don't want to have to edit more of this stuff out. Okay. Who knows if he doesn't want to be named as someone that would do stuff like that. But who would you...

So who would you go to next? What's your next port of call? Oh, let's see. You haven't thought this far ahead, have you? No, not at all. Of course not. I guess I'll just look up stuff. You know what?

I've still got all the pages bookmarked where the competition was and everything. So I've got all the T's and C's and all that sort of stuff. But yeah, like we were talking about, legally, you've got to say who the winner is. You can't just go, hey, everyone, there was a winner. It's none of your business. Let's get our listeners to jam the switchboards at Channel 7 Demanding to find out who won And then they're going We're sorry, the competition closed two months ago

No, no, no, I'm not trying to enter I just want to know who won Just give me a bit of transparency It wasn't you I didn't even enter I just want to know On behalf of a podcast I listen to This is selfless work right now we're just after justice

yeah we don't want the prize i'm not i at this point i'm not saying i should have won or we should have won i mean we should have but i just want to know how this was judged and i would love to know the entry that won yeah i mean the people you know years ago decades ago whatever it is a good example of like people power seeing justice done. Yep. People came together and they got the West Memphis Three off the hook. Yeah.

You know? Yes. This is like that. Yes. This is like the protests in Hong Kong at the moment. This is exactly the same. Yeah. Yeah.

Channel 7 are the Chinese government. Yep. And we are the people. We're just being absolutely flogged by them. Exactly. Exactly. We're out in the rain with umbrell government. Yep. And we are the people. We're just being absolutely flogged by them. Exactly. We're out in the rain with umbrellas saying no to an unfair regime. Exactly. This has got to be, this is, right will prevail.

We could try. Maybe we'd catch them off guard if we just turn up to 7 HQ and just go to the front desk and just, you know just ask that way. Just get in the building. They'll be so taken aback by these two simpletons thinking that they can get a guided tour of the studio or whatever. You know what we need? You know exactly what we need. What?

We need... See, they can fob us off. If we go to the front desk, they just get security. They kick us out. They treat us like so many Chinese protesters. Just get out the club block and just flog us. What we need. The fine book.

No bruises. Yeah. It's a perfect plan. What we need to do is assemble our Sydney listeners. And we need them to get at the window of sunrise with a few placards. Excellent. Yes, that's what we need. Excellent. We need some protests at the window of sunrise with a few placards. Excellent. Yes, that's what we need. Excellent.

We need some protests at the sunrise windows. All right. Let's say we'll send something out to the first person who can get us a Justice for Dum Dum placard in the back of sunrise. Justice for Dum Dum. Who won the Samui comp? I think you. Do they vet? Do they have... They must have someone

at the window. I don't reckon. Really? But how can you do that? If someone just walks up to the window with a placard under their jumper, walks up and goes bang and just plants it there. You're there. It's live. You can't police it. You can't police that. There must be something going on.

Otherwise, there would just be the word cunt in the background of that show every day of the week. We'll accept that as well. We'll send you out something if you can put the word cunt in the background as well. Absolutely. So how do you feel about this one, Sam? You have no right of editing talking dum-dum. Yes, exactly. This is how to write.

This is ours. This has nothing to do with you, Sam. So this is all on Channel 7. This is how to write. This is ours. This has nothing to do with you, Sam. So this is all on Channel 7. This is not on Sam. Sam did his best job. In fact, there will be, you know, if anything, Sam has done the right thing now by somehow sideways inspiring this conversation. Sam's actually just texting me right now saying that what he wants is for the listeners to

go down with big A2 printouts of child pornography and hold them up to the window of surprise. What, just so Sam can look at them through the window? He hasn't specified in this text message that he did definitely just send me. Right, right, right. What is his number? 0438 what? Right, great. So please, Dum Dum Shirts, whatever we can give you,

we've got stuff for you. Yeah, we'll send you a little package of stuff. Yeah, can we do like Wombat and shows like that used to be where they'd say, oh, look, we'll send out a Wombat gift pack. Yeah. And we'll have the stubby holder and a shirt and whatever the fuck we've got these days. Yeah, we'll throw some little treats in. Pubes, whatever you want.

We'll both send you a lock of our hair. Great, yeah. And that's valuable for me. I can't afford to lose any. Our anal hair. Yeah, sure. But yeah, I personally might... Why don't you ever go bald down there? Not you personally, but generally.

That is interesting. Honestly, if I had the choice Between having gone bald on my head Or the dick region I would pick down there I like how you're saying Honestly Like

No shit That's everyone's choice I don't know I reckon you'd find someone who You would find people who really value their pubes I reckon There would have to be some kind of There'd be some wild people out there that are like,

absolutely not, man. A full bush is the most important thing to me. Oh, you freaks. Yeah. Like, not even into someone else's bush, but into your own bush? Into your own, yeah. God almighty. There was a certain comedian on the show that once he pulled his phone out

and I was quite taken aback by... He got sprung by having the internet on his phone. And so there was porn on his phone. So got sprung by having the internet on his phone. So there was porn on his phone. So he sprung by that. But not only that, it was a specific hairy website. I reckon I can guess who this is. I reckon you probably definitely could. I reckon I could give you...

Give me one initial. Give me one initial. No, let's keep the mystery. Just one, though. One initial. Either you don't have to tell me whether it's the first name or the second name. Okay. Just one letter.

B. No. Really? Yeah. Okay. I don't even know who that would be. Well, by you saying one initial over and over again. Right.

I thought you were. Oh, you thought Brett Blake. B.B. Yes. Well, now I can clear that up. We can say that because I'm saying it wasn't him. Anyway, whatever. Let's not speculate any further.

But yeah, I think I would really like to see Justice for Dumbbell. It was Mooney. Yeah. I don't think I would have gotten that. Really? Yeah. Oh, God. I thought that would have been the only guess.

No, I guess because he's not at the top of my mind because I haven't seen much of him in the last little while. Right, right. I only say it because I'm surprised it wasn't the first thing he said on the last live episode. Just walk out before he even said hello. Just walk out and say, I love Bush. Yeah, I really think my vote would be for a placard that says justice for Dum Dum.

That's what I want to see in the mix. I'm happy to accept who won Koh Samui. Absolutely. Okay. Who won Koh Samui. You know, you can afford... People have got enough spare change to afford two placards, you know. That's true.

If you want to go down in pairs. You know what? This makes a lot of sense. Like, if you don't want to walk down by yourself and look like a complete fuckhead, like some loser at 7.20amm in the morning yeah go down to martin place with your mate before work each have a placard yeah um safety in numbers yep but the perfect plan well this is kind of nice because like we put this up on wednesday it would be great if thursday morning it's almost an unofficial meetup you know someone goes down there to to do it and they're just surrounded by like a dozen

people also with a placard. Yeah, yeah. It's just placards and that's it. They're like, there's another situation in Martin Place and it's worse than the last one. I wish they were holding the ISIS flag. It's like ISIS for

nerds. Oh, wonderful stuff, guys. Great. Great. All right, please. Really looking forward to that. Speaking of competitions, very quickly, we have four more days left on my fundraiser for the Children's Cancer Institute

that I talked about on the last episode. Thank you to everyone who has chipped in so far. I am, as of today, I'm back in the lead. I was trailing by a few hundred dollars. I'm now just over $8,000. So it ends this weekend. Chip in if you can, if you haven't already. $8,000.

You could have bought yourself a normal holiday. That's so much money. Money's not going to me. Well, you know, that's the aim really. Come on. That's what you're aiming for. You want that holiday. I do now.

I want to win. Yes. The actual holiday itself, to be completely honest, I'm not too fussed about either way. I just think it would be nice. It would be nice to win. I've never been competitive about either way. I just think it would be nice. It would be nice to win. I'm not, I've never been competitive in any way. When I put this out, like when I found out that I could win the holiday and I started

plugging it on the socials, I thought this will inspire people. But to be honest, at that point, I was so far behind the guy in the lead that I went, I don't think I'll get there. Then I started to get there and I thought, oh, this is cool. I'm going to get a holiday. This is great. Then I started to get there and I thought, oh, this is cool. I'm going to get a holiday. This is great. Then you got the taste. Then I got into it.

Then you know what competitiveness is. Exactly. And now because it's like in the days leading up to it, I would get ahead, then I would dip back a little bit, and then by the time the race finished, I was ahead. So I got that sweet feeling. I just want to actually cross the finish line and have that sweet feeling of being the number one. You've got to taste that power where you're playing puppet master with all the listeners

and they're all jumping at your demand and you're saying, do this, do my bidding, everyone. And then I'm going to be at some fucking holiday where I don't even know where it is or what it is, but I want that to happen. So do my bidding, everyone. Yeah. I think it would be, yeah, I really hope there's a chance now that I will be not only that I'll beat this guy that I'm neck on neck with, but that's not a phrase. I know, but that's what they said in the email.

Did they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Neck on neck. I mentioned that last episode. They were like, you're currently neck on neck with this other guy. And I'm going to be honest, I like it. I've adopted it. Neck on neck.

You know, to be neck on neck with anyone, you literally, you can't even be parallel to them. You need to be sort of like a cross. Yeah, exactly. I quite like it. Neck on neck. Maybe that's what their secret hope for me and this guy is. That's not even sexual. Because to be neck on neck with someone that's what their secret hope for me and this guy is. That's not even sexual. Because to be neck on neck with someone and be shaping like a cross.

No, you're not kissing. You can't be doing anything sexual. Yeah. It's a very odd position. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, that's what you're like with another man. That's what I'm like with another man.

I'm neck on neck. Yes. So this guy, I can't remember what I was saying, but I'm neck on neck with him. Neck on neck. I'm neck on neck. Yes. So this guy, I can't remember what I was saying, but I'm neck on neck with him. Neck on neck, yeah. I'm neck on neck. I, yeah, I now, oh, that's what I was going to say. I'm now a chance of not only finishing before him,

I'm a chance of sneaking into the top 20 all over fundraisers for everyone across the city to surf. Great. All charities. Great. I think the number 20th position is like 9,000 something. And what sort of holiday do you get for that, to get in the top 20? Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah. It's just a holiday incentive, you know, whole program. You get the top 20, everyone gets different holidays in the top 20. Yeah. We all get, yeah. That would be great. You want number one. Yeah.

Because that's somewhere really great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 20 is probably like some fucking... Phillip Island. Back to Serbia. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that would be great. You want number one because that's somewhere really great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 20 is probably like some fucking. Phillip Island. Back to Serbia. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that'd be all right. That would actually be all right.

Yeah, that'd be good. So, yeah, it's on the front page of littledumbdumbclub.com. Chip in. It all goes to a fantastic cause. And, look, I just feel like, you know what it's like with this kind of stuff. Once you put the call out, it's like with the crunchy thing. You want the result. We've come this far to just finish second to only raise $8,500

for the Children's Cancer Institute. What a fucking loser I feel like. Yeah, you don't want to be first is first, second is last. Basically, if you don't win this this they'll probably think you're a bit of a loser and use the money that from you and probably just burn it yeah yeah exactly probably probably use it to you know put into research to create new cancers yes yeah they flip neck cancer yeah neck on neck cancer yeah this guy though i think he because i'm you know i'm sort of like i've been monitoring his page.

I've been sort of stalking his fundraising page. And he's clearly doing the same thing back to me. Right. Because I was like – I had a pretty decent lead in front of him. And then I noticed the other day I went on, he pulled ahead, and I go through his most recent supporters, and he had chipped in over $500 to himself to get himself in front of me. Fuck.

That is huge. I can't wait to see this holiday after. Like, to have you guys dueling it out like that, I can't wait to see this holiday because, you know. We were talking before about being the puppet master. The Children's Cancer Institute, they're the real puppet masters. They're loving it. They're laughing all the way to the bank.

Well, you know, the evidence that you gave last episode was that, you know, you went there, there was no one in the tent. The only person in the tent was you. Yeah. You know, I've got a sneaking suspicion this is your charity. This is yours. I mean, it's children cancer. Yeah, I made it up.

That's you. I think this might be you. This is a front. Yeah. This is my offshore corporation. You look down the bottom of the page and it's just like uh you know tommy's holiday tm yeah that's the that's the corporation yeah yeah i don't need mom anymore because i'm laundering money this is this is just your fun this is your fun to go to toolies week and the girl goes to shit well you know they decided the date and there's nothing I can do about it.

Fuck. Honestly, that would be fucking incredible if I have to be there during schoolies. Oh, yeah, right. But yeah, it's... What's the least... So to do this, and for them to not give up really any details

about this holiday, right? And that's what I believe to be true from you. Yeah. What's the worst that they can give you? to either one of you, to whoever wins? What's the worst? They now cannot come out and say, right, you've got a weekend in Toowoomba at a three-star hotel. Yes.

They can't do that. They can't, no. But what can they get away with? Because if they do that, there's got to be uproar. Well, they've mentioned an area, an area called, I think I'm going to say it wrong, Cooran Cove, which I believe is near Queensland.

They haven't said anything about the type of a comm that's there. You know, they've said trip, they've said holiday. They haven't specified if they supply any kind of transport whatsoever. So this other guy

chipping in $500 to himself to get himself back in front, he's clearly just going, ah, look, you know, I'm potentially getting a holiday, so like whatever. He doesn't know what he's getting. No. You guys are like, it's like an auction and you're competing for a mystery box. Yeah. You just both go, no, I need that box.

Who knows what the fuck's in it, but I want it. I've gone too far now. Yeah. I want to meet him. I really, now. Yeah. I want to meet him. I really, I genuinely want to meet this guy now. We want to meet this guy. We want to see what he's doing. If he wins, you want to meet him and see where he's going on his holiday.

And I want to meet the winner of the Koh Samui Sunrise Competition and see where they're going on their holiday. Yeah. Fuck. I'd love to see the pics of whoever has won this Koh Samui thing. Oh, yeah. Just them enjoying themselves. Because, I mean, we should put up the resort that they won,

that the competition was for, because we were looking at it. It looks fucking awesome. It looks insane. Like, you know what? The Ozo, great resort. Awesome. This place, though, it's a different level. But see, these are your options.

You know, you can have something like that where it's all spelled out. Here's exactly what you get. Yep. But now you have to kind of like, you know, write something kind of quirky. And there is a significant element of luck to it. Yes. Or you can be in my position where you are sort of in control of your destiny a little bit more. Yep.

You can be putting out to people, hey, this is the amount we need. Please put in. Yes. But you have absolutely no idea what that's in service of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If only we could combine the two competitions somehow. Whoever raises the most money gets to go to Koh Samui. That's just kind of what we've done for the last three.

And no one had to get cancer. No one had to. Well, I kind of did. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, I forgot about you yeah that wasn't a that wasn't a deal breaker though but what do you think about this this guy this man who has uh who i'm neck on neck with neck on neck so he's you know he's put in for his own thing you know fair enough i've done it for mine great you did it for yours yep now when you did

it for yours what did you because he he's you – because he's put his own name there. Right. Oh, you're asking me when I put in money for my own thing if I put my own name there? Yeah. Yeah, because what else do you do? Well, you can click to be anonymous and I've gone anonymous because I kind of think that otherwise it looks a little bit too like, hey, every, you know what I mean?

Like you're trying to score great bloke points or whatever. Okay. I didn't really think of it like that. But then again, I'd never done one of these things before. And because I was the first donor, I just put my name in because like, what else do you do? I didn't know it was going to go public or whatever it was. I didn't know there was a leader board or a list or anything like that when it's when you're the very first one on there yeah that is for the for the first handful of people that go on it shows them oh well he's chipped in that's

cool i didn't realize that was a thing right so i didn't but i didn't think to go i didn't think yeah i didn't didn't think there was a need to do but this guy's amount 500 with the name attached just right there how do you like that? Well, you know, it's a good chunk of change. Why not? Yeah, that's fair. Why put it there and not put your name to it? Why put 500 and then go?

But having said that, the only question that that raises is that you're neck on neck with him. And then he should have gone anonymous because he's gone 500 and gone past you or whatever, gone up to you, whatever it is. And you know exactly who did that. Exactly. So it's a bit infuriating for you. And a bit like, you know, he's gone down in your eyes almost in a way. He definitely has. Yeah.

But he's also, I get the feeling that, like I promoted it today on our Facebook. I'm trying to give it this last little push. I promoted it today on our Facebook. I'm trying to give it this last little push. But I am, because every time he notices me pulling ahead a little bit, he then starts to, he's clearly monitoring it a lot. So I do want, like, of course, you know, it is a great cause and everything. Like, it's a great charity. So I do want to get as much as possible.

But I also. Tommy's Holiday TM is a great charity, definitely. I don't want to pull ahead too far this early in the week and then have him come back absolute gangbusters on the Saturday night. That's what I actually thought earlier today. When I saw you put that up, I thought about that, and I thought you should time it so that you get that avalanche of donations on. What is this, Saturday night or Sunday?

Well, this is the thing. They've said they'll be cutting it off on Sunday, which I don't... Who knows when that's going to be and everything. Ask them when the last possible thing is. That's a good point. And say, look, just so you know when to stop or when to

really push it or whatever it is. Just go all nice about it. And then when you find that out, really get people to time their run and really just absolutely fucking blindside this well stupid cunt who is trying to donate a lot of money to charity i mean this is the thing i've put in a couple of hundred of my own money already i'm probably going to put in a bit more i will put in a bit more but i'm holding off yeah i'm keeping a little fuel in the tank for saturday

night totally especially when i might be out i might have had a few beers i'm probably likely to be more generous yeah with my own money back into myself. For sure. Speaking of which, shout out to one listener in particular who, speaking of big amounts of money and putting a name to it, they chucked in a cool $500 this afternoon to me. Nice. Yeah. So that's good stuff.

Oh, I thought you were going to say their name. Oh, okay. I should. They made it public. Yeah. Christina Panich. Thanks, Christina. Panich? Yeah. P-A-N-I-C-H. Oh, right. I should have made it public. Yeah. Christina Panic. Thanks, Christina. Panic?

Yeah, P-A-N-I-C-H. Oh, right. Panish? Panash. I like the panash. I guess that's panic. Yeah. It's such a shame that H is there.

I know. Because that's a pretty sweet, clean name. It is. Panic. But yeah, anyway, look, enough of that. Let's see how we go. Nothing would make me happier than to get on the show next week and say, folks, we did it.

Guess what? I'm going to Mackay on a Tuesday night at the flag inn in a queen bed. They're putting me up on the Batman ride at Movie World for a week. I have to sleep on that fucking... It's just a shame. It does coincide with something you'll see on The Socialist tomorrow I'm starting I'm going to run four laps of St. James Park

In Hawthorne And I'd like you to chip in as much as you can Just straight, no charity Straight for a holiday To Copenhagen Where are you going to go? Copenhagen Need I ask?

It's not that much You know, look I get a discount with flights as well And look The Ecom is pretty cheap in Copenhagen as well. And look, there's not a strict charity element to it. But what I would say is I'm not going to be using a corporate hotel or something. Look, the Ozo, they're owned by the Europeans somewhere.

I'm going to be going to a Copenhagen-owned small accommodation. The people there, they don't get paid that much. So this sort of is, it's like a trickle-down charity. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. It's keeping, you know, it's a bit of a quiet season at the moment. Yep, yep. It's a trickle-down theory.

A lot of people are going to get paid. Those resorts close if people aren't in them. One of the great philanthropists of our time. Thank you. And by that, you know, it's my idea. I mean, sure, other people will be paying for it. Yes. But I'm organizing this.

Yes, yes. And in every way, that's more important. Yeah. That's more charitable. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to have the brains of the operation. Absolutely.

Yeah. Well, I mean, these guys, you know, they're extending their deadline for the competition. And I'm happy to extend my deadline until it all gets paid for as well. I'm happy to be that charitable. If these guys were half smart smart they would have done the because i i think i don't know how many people get to come on this trip that's the next consideration oh you know what i mean what if it's like a family thing if they were half smart they would have done their research this guy as i mentioned in the last episode he's got a family he's profile pic on the page yep him and a wife and two kids right

they would have looked at me and gone, well, this guy just, it just makes good financial sense to cut this off now and give it to this guy because we only need one fucking sad room and one airfare for this miserable little fucking loser to define himself instead of being on the hook for a four-person suite. They won't do that.

No, I don't know. They won't be flying up four people. I don't know. I don't know. Who knows? Because then if you go back, you go back and say, hey, there's four of us and they go, No, I don't know. They won't be flying up four people. I don't know. I don't know. Who knows? Because then if you go back, you go back and say, hey, there's four of us,

and they go, hey, we're a charity. We're trying to get sick kids well. Don't be trying to sting us for another three airfares. That's a little bit rich, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Oh, okay. It's like, they'll be like, hey, sure we can bring the whole extended family. Let's bring your uncle. Let's bring your cousins. But the few kids

are going to have to die, unfortunately. Let's get Grandpa Bucket out of that bed and bring him along. All right. Oh, we've got a live show to announce. Yeah, sorry. We've really made you earn this bit of news, but here it is. Guys, we are doing a bit of a, not last minute.

You know, there's a few minutes to go. There's not one minute to go. Is this the most last minute thing we've done, though? I would say so. Not at all. Really? No, not at all. We did one within a week or two.

Oh, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We really swung our dick one time. I don't know the dates. Melbourne, we're going to do a small show. September the 13th. We haven't done, usually we do one or two shows in between the April ones and then the end of the year, but we haven't done anything.

We haven't planned anything. Today we decided, let's do one. Let's do a small one. There's only 130 tickets. We're not going to make a big, big one. It's just first in best dress. Let's just pack it in nice and quick and not have to think about it anymore. So the date of that is, Tommy, it's?

September the 13th. It's a Friday night. Friday night, 8.30pm, downstairs in the basement at the European Beer Cafe. We opened it up this afternoon to our Patreon group. You mean yesterday? Yes. Yep. And already a bunch of tickets sold on that.

So as soon as you're hearing this, if you want to come, you should get on it straight away. Because I personally do not think there will be any tickets left by the end of the week. Yes. I'm going to say. I reckon it'll go very quickly. I would absolutely agree with that. Yeah. Great news.

So that'll be heaps of fun. So then that is that we're doing Melbourne in September. Then we do October 13 in Perth. That's all sold out and taken care of. Then we go to Hobart in November, of which we are done with the live podcast. We're putting on a stand-up show. You and I plus a bunch of guests that we are bringing over, familiar faces, friends of the show. We're doing a stand-up show for an hour.

It's directly before the live podcast at 3 p.m., I believe. Yep. On November, what is it? 23rd. 23rd. Nice one on the Saturday. So that's going to be great. Please, if you missed out on a live podcast, you could come to the stand-up show. going to be great please if you missed out

on a live podcast you could come to the stand up show yeah going to be heaps of fun yep lovely alright that's that business taken care of very quick

tiny little shout out we haven't done for a while we've got plenty of merch plenty of hats the hats are going very well do you wear hats if you haven't seen them on the socials

have a quick look but it is a black hat that says aware if you go to the website and see what we've Have a quick look. But it is a black hat that says aware. If you go to the website and see what we've got left, a bunch of our things are selling out of sizes, and we won't get reprints. Everything is rick and nearly done.

Have a look at what sizes are left. The singlets for Co-Similier, nearly done. Have a look at what sizes are left for that. The aware and the burger shirts are always going to be in print. So if you're keen for one of them, go and do that. What else is there? There's the other – all right, mate, we've all got stuff going on. I think that's running as well.

That's nearly done. Limited sizes in that as well. And, of course, we've got stubby holders, all that sort of stuff. So if you're a listener who's never got that stuff, of course, we always send stuff out. Get onto that Unless you're overseas Which I really can't be Fuck posting it out To you people

Just It's a real fucking Pain in the ass Yeah it's a shit system Isn't it It's a real pain in the ass I really don't enjoy it Yeah

I put it on my to do list And I really fucking Dread doing it Because what you've Because you've got to go down And like check the price First with the post office And then quote that

Back to the person and then – No, I have to make a rough quote because there's no use making like two trips. Yeah, right. That's just insane. Yeah. To go down there and – because you know what? Different people at the post office quote me different prices every time. Yeah, yeah.

Because sometimes people go – there's literally many times where I'll go, oh, okay, right, postage is about $20 to send a hat and a shirt overseas now. And then I'll go down and I'll go, yeah, it's $35 postage to make. Okay, cool, I guess I'm giving this stuff away this week. And then the next week, the opposite will happen. So it's a real fucking pain in the ass. Not to get into... Then, of course, there's times where that gets sent over

and if they don't fancy, if they can't read the address properly, they're fucking idiots over there. Amazing. Stuff will just go missing. Yeah, great. And then people hit me up and go, oh yeah, I never got that. And it's like, well, fuck, how the fuck,

you know, we don't know that. What do you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then all of a sudden you've got to send another thing. It's like, nah, I'm pretty close to banning it from being done. This is, you know,

this might be the first time a comedian has ever said something like this, but the post office can go fuck itself. Mine in particular, I've had this happen several times where I've had a package come and they've not given me any slips until they've given me the final notice. And then I go in and they're just rinsing me going, oh God, you're taking your time with this. I'm like, this is the first thing of this you've put in my letterbox right and they're like yeah yeah that sounds likely i'm like why

would i not come and get a thing that i've ordered that i paid money for that i want to have yeah yeah yeah yeah you're not coming in to wash dishes you're coming in to get something fun you're not buying you're not ordering something boring on the internet totally you're getting a shirt you're getting a book you're getting a video game you're getting a book, you're getting a video game, you're getting something good. Yeah. Yeah, just them being like, oh yeah, you're in here with a day to go.

Like, and then what are you doing? Like, you know what I mean? The fucking attitude. Yeah. Nightmare. I quite like my post office guy because he's a bit,

he's a little bit too keen. Okay. But I like him. But I think it's weird that I don't know his name because why would I ever ask the post office guy's name? Yeah. But he knows my name because he just checks the mail that I'm sending. Yeah.

So he calls me by my name all the time, but I've never said what my name is. So literally, you're just looking at the mail that I'm sending out. Yes. Which shouldn't be allowed. Yeah. So if I start, if I just put a different name on the back from now on, I wonder what he'll say. Oh, try be allowed. Yeah. So if I start, if I just put a different name on the back from now on,

I wonder what he'll say. Oh, try it out. Yeah. See if you can gaslight this guy into thinking that you have a different name. If I just put like a female name on the back now and just say, oh, this is who I identify as now, I wonder if I can get away with that. Interesting. Yeah.

Get away with it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I wonder how long it will take. Yeah, I wonder if you can get away with pretending to be trans to the post office. Well, by get away meaning until he notices and has to say something. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Right. I don't know. I don't know. Is it worth the effort? I don't know. What, the effort of just writing something different? Yeah, no, the effort of having the conversation at the end where he goes, why is this like this? And me going, oh, I don't know.

And then you just go, this is private. Right. Opening someone else's mail is a federal offence. Well, you just... You are a bee's dick away from committing that crime. Yeah. You're so close to looking inside the envelope. Yeah.

It's crazy. But, you know, it's written on the back. He's not opening mail. Yeah, but he's getting a little close to my liking yeah yeah he's scanning it you know he's looking at the flap it is a bit you know he's casing the joint is what he's doing well you also there's like a sticker on the front that says what's in this envelope and it's like none of your business cunts like why do i have to fucking say what's in there you know i don't like filling that out when you're yeah yeah yeah a little bit A little bit personal. It's a bit rich.

Yeah. But post office guy, apart from that, I like him because he's a Liverpool fan. So he just wants to talk about Liverpool every time. Just wants to talk about Liverpool every time. Yeah, but isn't that bad? Because then it's like even longer that you're spending in there. Yeah, but it's all right. I don't mind it because you know what?

He's Thai. Okay, wow. So it is an interesting conversation every time to talk to a Thai guy about Liverpool. Did you create this, man? Is this like weird science? That's why I want to be trans, so he can fuck me. That's great. You get the computer from weird science and rather than make some hot girl that you can root, there's just a Thai guy that's into Liverpool.

that you can root as just a Thai guy that's into Liverpool. It just makes me think of being in Thailand because, you know what, he does exactly the same thing. Yeah, because he's Thai. No, but he does exactly the same thing as Thai guys in Thailand because when I walk down the street, they just yell at me, Liverpool, because I'll have a Liverpool hat on or a shirt on or whatever, and they say nothing else. They just go, Liverpool, and you go, yeah, and they go, yeah.

Maybe this guy gave them the heads up. Yeah, right. Well, they didn't need a heads up. I've got a fucking shirt on. Yeah, true. Or a hat on. So, yeah. But anyway, shout out to whoever the fuck that guy is.

I don't know his name still. After all that dealing with me, and he's very happy to call me by my name all the time, including down the street when I see him, but I don't know what the fuck you want to ask him. I've been talking, I've been dealing with him for two years. I can't say, that reminds me, who the fuck are you again? Why don't you put on the, instead of writing your name on the sender thing, you just write what is your name?

But he's not checking that every week. He's not going to look at that every time I post something because he already knows that information. Yeah, okay. He's not going to be looking at that. Maybe I'll go in as a new customer and I can find out. Please. Yeah.

How do you go with that as a new customer? You just walk in and go, what's your name? Okay, here's a letter. Howdy, partner. I'm new in town. And I'm making friends. My name's Tommy. What's yours?

Got a 10-gallon hat on. Please. Very happy for you to do that. Horse tied up out the front Just walk in and say I'm new in town I heard a lot about There's a good

Post office dude here I know Carl You know Liverpool And I moved here specifically Because of the post office

Yeah yeah yeah He said the mail's Very speedy Really good service In there And they have A good little coke fridge In there

That they have Mysteriously taped up And you can't get in there that they have mysteriously taped up, and you can't get in there. That is the one thing I do like about a visit to the post office, just looking at the fucking rogues gallery of bizarre items that they have for sale in there. They've got a Coke fridge that's been masking taped up for a year or two,

but it's still got the Coke and stuff in it. So I don't know what's going on there mine's currently got a record player sitting sitting like on like at the desk you know that so the the position where it's like they are busting to get rid of this yes and then next to that there's like a pair of reading glasses that have like a dial on the side so that you can like adjust the you know like the range or the no like the you can like adjust the, you know. Like the. The range or the. The shade or. No, like the, you can, the strength of them.

Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't even know that was a thing. Yeah. They have heaps of stuff in the post office that has that big thing that you'd rarely see anymore of like the big as seen on TV. Yes. Which is true of like nearly every product.

Yes. Yes. Yes. And people. And everything. Yeah. Post office. Yeah. Go with it. Yeah. I people and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Post office. Yeah.

Go with it. Yeah. I still pay bills down there. Do you really? Yeah. When I can. Interesting. I try to.

I try to. That's so old school. I know. I quite like it. Yeah. I just, I don't know, something about it. Going in there with the gas bill. Yeah.

And them telling you the amount and then you just pulling out a big pile of birthday cards from your auntie. Just shaking out $20 notes onto the counter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Let's get into... I think that's it for all the bullshit. Yeah.

Let's get into the next little thing that we do, which is thanking the people who subscribe to us on Patreon. You are welcome to do so. If you enjoy the show and you'd like to chip in. You can get some sweet rewards every month, including a bonus magazine that we send out, an extra episode that we do every month where we do sort of different stuff to what we do on the show normally. And you can also get your name immortalized through the medium of podcasting by us reading it out in this very segment of the show.

All right. Well, we've banged on quite a bit already. We have. And you do have a gig to go to. Yeah, I've got to go bomb at a gig. Yeah. What? You're planning to bomb at a gig?

There's something in the air tonight. Right. You know what I mean? You ever get a bit of a feeling? Oh, sure. Most Mondays. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, fuck. Oh,

fuck. I should, I'll save this for an episode. Okay. I've got a story about, plenty of people come to Spleen, like I tend to try and advertise like the gigs that I run.

You know, come to the Thursday Comedy Club at the European Beer Cafe. On Saturdays, come to Basement Comedy Club at the European Beer Cafe. On Mondays, I've been running a gig for years,

for 11 plus years. Yep. Comedy at Spleen, at Spleen Bar, which is, they're all in the same block, which is quite weird. But if you're ever in Melbourne, come visit the big comedy block of Melbourne. But I tend to use Spleen on a Monday

as new material night for me. So I just run brand new jokes every Monday. So yeah, I mean, if you're in town, come and watch the fucking freak show because it's me trying brand new jokes and losing so yeah I mean if you're in town come and watch the fucking freak show because it's me trying brand new jokes and losing my mind

on stage so but I'll save it for next episode because it is it is fun but fucking hell some stupid shit happens

but anyway we'll get into that next week yeah let's let's rattle through this yep alright let's hit the

the big red button on the unplanned title alternator and see what is what the what the shit is going on this week drawn completely at random absolutely uh we don't have a lot of time so uh let's do five this week wow um yeah that's a mark of how how much our backs are against the wall with this one. Doing a number that low. To be honest, I never thought I'd see the day. Yeah. Yeah. Times are changing.

That's for sure. Not what your granddaddy used to do. No, not at all. This ain't your grandpappy's Patreon. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Dean Prapis. Wowee. Yeah. There's a lot here.

I know. What a first name to be fucking reading out i was listening to a thing on a uh on a show that i listened to the other day where they were talking about ween so that's my most recent affiliation with the name dean dean ween is i was listening to a story about dean ween oh wait because I was, I'm a recent-ish convert to a subscriber to Apple Music. Yep. So I always get on there and go, fuck, what should I listen to? Like, what's something new I should listen to? Yeah.

But then, because you go, it's like screaming into the ether. What's something new? Well, you don't know where to look for it. You don't know what you're looking for. So instead, I tend to listen to something I haven't listened to for years and years and years and years. Good feeling. Yeah.

So a couple of days ago, I went down a ween rabbit hole. Oh, nice. So I listened to about four albums in a row. Yeah. Apple Music do have pretty good playlists that they curate for you of new stuff. Yeah, yeah. Which is pretty good. Once you've listened to enough stuff and it kind of has a bit of an idea of your flavor,

it'll throw up some pretty good stuff. But this story that I was listening to was about how I think in the, whenever it was, I think maybe the mid-90s, the band Phish, the jam band Phish, started covering a Ween song in concert. And Ween hated Phish. And they heard about this. And then out of protest, they stopped playing the song in concert out of protest of Phish playing their song as a cover.

And what was it? Do you remember what the song was? Ah, God, I can't remember. No, let me. Yeah, have a bit of a Google and I'll say this. Well, I'll cover you. Ween are a band, if you don't know Ween, even if you do know Ween, they're verging on, they're not a joke band.

And people would hate that being said about their favourite band, if that's Ween, or Ween would hate that to be said about them, I think. But they certainly have humour within them. Tongue in cheek. Yeah, which then, you know, it feels like when people are judging music, it's either weirdo Yankovic or it's not. You know, it's either jokey joke joke. You can't have any humor in there at all. Right. Or you're a joke band.

Yeah. So they've got plenty of humor in there. So I think they get stuck with a little bit. I think there's a few bands that are like that, that are good, but they, because they're a little kind of, you know, silly or whatever in their lyrics, they tend to get kind of lumped into the like. Like who? Who's another one? There's someone who I think is very good. The Bloodhound Gang?

Well, there's an act called Harma Superstar, who I think is really good. He's a legitimately talented musician, but because he kind of looks like John Lovitz, he's like fat and balding, doing this kind of like, imagine being a guy like this singing R&B. He sort of is like a bit of a joke.

But he's like, his songs, he just writes good pop songs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, one of my favourite albums of all time is Wayne's 12 Golden Country Greats, which I had a bit of a listen to. Actually, they just put a show on sale the other day where they're playing it live after 25 years or something. Really? From start to finish in America.

And when I found that out, it was like two days after it had been on sale and it immediately sold out. I was like, fuck, that is verging on something I would go over for. I fucking love that album where they just basically play, they write genuinely great country songs.

Yeah. But a couple, like they're all tinged with humour and they've got a few dumb you know, dumb titles in there. And I'm not sure if this is completely true. I'd have to research this. But from what I remember a story being, and it sounds like one of those stories that gets disproven, but hopefully not,

they basically got, I think, maybe even members of Elvis Presley's original band. Wow. To play the music. And then they added the lyrics second because they did not want them to know or the players disapproved of the lyrics. Because there's songs like Piss Up A Rope

and Scrape The Mucus Off My Brain, but the actual music is awesome. I'd say the first version is probably what happened. Yeah. That they went, we'd better do this and not tell them what we're doing with it. Yeah. Because otherwise, if they showed it to them and they refused, they can't then go, just kidding, we'll put different words in. Well, I think the story, that version of the story I heard, maybe they lost a member of the band or something.

Ah, right, okay. Because they were quite Christian and quiet. And also, in their 70s or 80s by that stage. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so. The song in question wass or 80s by that stage. Yeah, yeah. The song in question was Roses Are Free. Do you know that one? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's on chocolate and cheese.

Yeah. The cover with magnificent artwork, which is just a young lady with a weaned belt. It looks almost like a bit of a boxing belt. But showing the midriff and the underside of her bosoms. Yes, because I was listening to – this is a show on Beats 1, which is Apple's kind of, I guess, podcast service, essentially. And so they'll play songs in the middle of the show and it kind of comes up on your phone in the middle of the show

with what the album artwork is as you're listening to it. So I was listening to it and I was like, oh, it came up in the show i was like what's this from and like pulled my phone out on the tram and then it's just me yeah sort of looking at softcore porn on the tram yep lawrence mooney style yeah yeah yeah no bush on that cover though no man it's a great cover it is a good cover even even if you you know it's not don't treat it as a sexual thing. It's just physically, colour-wise and photography-wise, and that belt is a fucking mean-looking belt. You know what it is? It's born in the USA for fellas.

Oh, yeah. Sort of that sissy Bruce Springsteen. Instead of looking at a man's bottom, I'm getting a bit of sweet underside. Yeah. Thank you. David Quirk's favourite band of all time, maybe? I think so, yeah. I went and saw

them live. They sort of sucked a bit. I've never been able to get into them. I like, what is it, Your Party. That's a great song. Really? Yeah, I love that song. It's just a good, loungy dance sort of track. It's great.

It's okay. Have you ever listened to Golden Country Grades? No. I mean, I don't know what you think about it. Not that I'm some huge country fan. I can appreciate it, though. I've tried to dip in on other stuff of Wayne and just nothing's ever grabbed me,

what they do. It's a bit too, it's kind of a bit too, like, silly or jokey or whatever. I reckon if I made a best of, I think you'd dig it. Please. There's some very standout tracks.

Okay. But if you get in on the wrong floor, like Chocolate and Cheese is a great album, but there's probably eight tracks I could take out of there and go put in the bin forever. Yeah, okay. But there's probably five or six amazing tracks, I think. So if I collated the best of and got rid of all the I love the Melvins but the Melvins have got these fucking great

riff heavy songs awesome and they tend to put them all at the front of the album and then at the back they go alright we're going to take a shit into an amp

for 16 minutes but that's probably I think that's pretty like of the time where albums I think used to be a lot more like front loaded didn't they

yeah I'm not sure what the actual idea there is but they certainly just want to test patience. Yeah. That's for sure. Thanks, Dean. Thanks, Dean, Ween, Prapis.

Thank you. Oh, God. Very music. You know, sometimes I feel like the last couple of weeks, I haven't loved their episodes of Talking Dumb Dumb, but I think this is a really good one. Yeah, we're back. I think this is a tight one.

We're back in form. We had great form for a long time. I felt like we didn't have a purpose for a couple of weeks,. I think this is a tight one. We're back in form. We had great form for a long time. I felt like we had a, we didn't have a purpose for a couple of weeks but I think this is a very rich episode. And there definitely

have been weeks where I've felt glad that there's no talking, talking dumb dumb where we, you know, someone else gets to decide whether or not we've done it again.

Yeah. Because we get to judge dumb dumb but no one ever, you know, who watches the Watchmen? That's a good point. Very good point. Well, you know, who watches The Watchmen? That's a good point. Very good point. Well, you know, look, we've been given some, maybe the difference is we get given some good inspiration or not,

and I think here comes another sweet bit of inspiration. Another music one, you said? Not music one, but just another good name to play with. Dean Prapa, you know, inspired all of that. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jaden Ceramondi. Oh, wow. Yeah. C-E-R-A M-O-N-D-E

You've nearly got it absolutely completely wrong. J-A-I-D-O-N to start with. J-A-I-D-O-N Wow. Yeah. J-A-I-D-O-N And Ceramondi, S-E-R--A-M-O-N-D-I Oh wow

Fucking hell Damn Jesus Saramondi Baramondi Yeah There is I don't know what to make of this Yeah

It is This is I've got to be honest Fucking fireworks It's a bit overwhelming Yeah I can hardly breathe There's a lot going on

But there's kind of I'm having a hard time Kind of latching onto anything I would say this If you heard the name Jaden You'd go Oh god There's a lot going on, but I'm having a hard time kind of latching onto anything. I would say this. If you heard the name Jaden, you'd go, oh, God. The biggest bogan name of all time, maybe. And then how has some little cunt with a rat's tail got his pocket money out as a six-year-old beaten child and given it to us?

But instead, now it's spelt like this. I'm actually right on the verge of nearly not minding it. Well, I think it could go one of two ways. It's either like the way that's spelled, is it almost an attempt at like, is it sort of almost like, you know, Jadon? Right. Or it's like people say,

what do people say are the two most common bogan traits in parents? Number one, calling a kid Jaden. Number two, getting a name and absolutely fucking the spelling on it and so this is the beautiful marriage of those two things yeah this might be the most bogan name that's ever right yeah but sarah monday see that that then that distracts it doesn't it yeah yeah that's got a bit of a that's got a bit of a european flavor to it oh absolutely yeah of course it does. That's not Australian. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's not

over 500 years old. Look at you out on that limb. I know. It's a sturdy limb. What's he doing out there? It's a sturdy limb. That name does not come from the Dreamtime, I believe. Right. Fuck. It doesn't. Okay. Are you saying it does? No, I'm not saying it does. Good. I'm just ruling it out, if believe. Right. Yeah. Fuck. It doesn't. Okay. Are you saying it does?

No, I'm not saying it does. Good. Well, I'm just ruling it out if that's cool. Yeah. Let's go through all cultures and work out which ones it's not from. Native American. Yeah. Oh, jeez.

A little bit offensive. God, what a fucking Pandora's box. I don't know where to move with this one. I don't even know how this person exists. This is, this guy's from hell. This guy can't have natural birth parents. I dare say. He's been conjured up.

That not a day has gone by in this man's life where he hasn't had to spell his name out for someone. Oh. It must be absolutely nonstop. You'd almost just be wearing a name tag out and about so that when you're at the bank, you know, the VicRoads or DMV or whatever your equivalent is, you're at Starbucks, you just save yourself the trouble of having to once again spell it out. But, yes, that's the thing.

See, that's what he's been cursed with, this guy, is he has to give out a name and so he instantly doesn't even say the name. He goes J-A-I-D-O-N. Yep. Because if he says Jaden, then he's then got to somehow spell it out. Or if he says Saramonte, he knows he's got to spell it at some stage. So he'd go front foot and just spell it out straight away. What if this is a girl?

What if this is the female Jaden? Oh. Because you usually say Jaden. Maybe this is really deliberately pronounced Jadon. Jadon. Jadon. Jadon. Jadon. Jadon. The sound of love.

Maybe. You know what? So this is, speaking of running gigs, the Basement Comedy Club on a Saturday night in Melbourne. How long does this story go for? Not that long. Okay. It's just an observation more than anything.

Sorry. We'll crack on straight after this. It reminds me of, I basically take names. i have the name of everyone that buys a ticket and then i just cross them off people come in and i go oh um just your surname please and then they'll very regularly go john yes yes and i go is that your surname john and they go no it's smith am i oh boy i asked for your surname okay well it's smith then okay thank you it's bewildering it's infuriating it's it's like you and i are both pretty you know we're pretty social guys we're pretty active you know we do a lot fair to say i guess we're cultured it's like people get in that position and you just go is this the first time you've ever left the house yeah like how are

you not across like i'm here with a list how are you not across, like I'm here with a list. How are you not across this? Yeah, so Jaden Ceremony would, you know, he'd be spelling it out straight away to me. But fucking hell, it's fucking, this is such a minor thing, I guess. But take it from me, learn from this little exchange. If you hadn't thought about this before, if you're going up to someone that's got a list of names

and there's like a fucking 100, 200 people going to a gig, don't come up and say John. Yes. Because no names are alphabetized by the first name. Yeah. It's a fucking surname, you idiot. Yeah. What you got to do now next week, list them by first name. Now that people are listening and they're taking it.

Next live show we do, let's list them by first name. Fucking hell. people are listening and they take it. Next live show we do it's listed by first name. Fucking hell. Honestly, people come in and just go, they see this fucking huge list and they go, oh, my name's John. Oh, easy. No worries. I'll just find the one John on here.

You fucking idiot. Thanks, J-Don. Thanks, J-Don. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Corey... Oh, God. I've gone too early on this. Uh-oh. I don't know how to pronounce this. I'll have a crack Yep Corey Salima

Ooh Give me the spelling C-E-L-I-M-A I think that's right Yep That's Selima I usually have a pretty good

Selima Yeah It might be Selima Selima Selima Yeah I like the sound of Selima better Selima Selima

Selima Corey Selima Corey Selima I've said it both Cut out the bit that you like Yeah, I like the sound of Selma better. Selma. I do. Selmanella. Selma. Corey Selma. Corey Selima. I've said it both. Cut out the bit that you like, get rid of the bit you don't. Yep. Yep.

Open up GarageBand. Yes. And make your own bespoke version of this podcast. And by bespoke, just cut out half a second out of the entire episode. Still unique. Yep. CC. Corey. CC. Corey Salima.

Don't love Corey, I've got to be honest. Why is that? Just not a name I've ever been particularly fond of. I don't mind it. Interesting. Yeah, I don't mind it. I knew a Corey when I went to school. I didn't mind him. Slightly besmirched by the Corey Haim, Corey Feldman duo of the 80s.

Yep. But physically, it's like a sturdy name and I quite respect that. Right. I'm not often – You're like a good, rigid, rock-hard name. Yeah. Well, like, I mean, literally, you've got the word core in there. Okay, yeah, cool.

Okay. Yeah. Right. So I don't mind that. How's your core going these days? You've been doing a lot of weights and stuff. You're doing PT. Yeah.

You talked last week about the new thing you're doing, the Orange Theory. Yeah. I've only done it once because I hurt myself and so I'm going back in a few days. Okay. But that's not a lot of core in that. The time I did it. Oh, okay. I've done heaps of core.

I've got to get back to it. I have lost a bit of weight lately, but that was good. That helped. But, yeah, I quite like the core. I've got to get back to it. I've lost a bit of weight lately, but that was good. That helped. But, yeah, I quite like the core. I've got to get back to it. Feels really good. Getting the core fired up. Yeah.

There's certain days at F45 where you're doing like a fuckload of core. You're doing a lot of planking. Yeah. You're doing a lot of like, yeah, just stuff on the ball, on the big ball. Yeah. A good day where your core has just gotten a flogging. Fuck, you feel good at the end of it. You're right.

You're right. Love it. You're right. You know what? You're inspiring me. I'll get back to some core work. Let's you and I just have absolutely fucking rock hard abs for summer. I'll be good.

Like, fuck. Imagine if we had a Samui thing to aim at and we were like, right, let's make sure we look good for samui yeah have a core off yeah right that would be great i did it i mean whoever can actually grate cheese on their abs i did you know what last year not this year but last year's festival i did really make sure i looked after myself coming up to it because i was like i'll be fucked if i get into a pool topless yeah and have fucking podcast listeners pointing lines at me yeah uh but uh i need to i need to treat it I need to treat every day like I've got two weeks to go till Samui.

Yeah, that's a good idea. That's what I should do. That's a good theory, yeah. Thanks, Corey. We better get through this. Thanks, Corey. All right. That's three down, two to go, as they say.

In the classics. In the classic episodes of Little Dumb Dumb Club. Not in the shit ones. I don't believe they've... That doesn't make the cut. No. In the shit ones. No.

That's how you know it's not a good one. Yep. If we don't say that phrase. Yeah. No, you're right. You're not lying. You're not whistling Dixie. But if you'd like to whistle Dixie, how does that go?

How does Dixie go? Yeah, I don't know. What's that saying? I have no idea what that saying comes from. Well, you know what it means though. Yeah, to like just be talking shit. Yeah. Essentially.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm wondering. What is Dixie? How does it go when you whistle Dixie? You look it up while I say this. Number four. Two to go.

Number four. Thank you this week to Patreon subscriber. Bit of a celebrity subscriber. Really? Yeah. You ready for this? Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Shelley Chaplin.

Now, I don't know who that is. You may not have met her. I've met her several times. Okay. You may not know who she is, but she is a silver medal winning Paralympics athlete. Oh, okay. So, yeah, she plays for the Australian basketball team. Okay.

She was in the Paralympics in Beijing. She's won medals in, like, heaps of Paralympics. I think I have met her, yeah. You may have met her. Yeah. I've met her. I met her ages ago. She came to a couple of live shows, and she used to work for Spix and Spex.

I do know her, yes. In the Joshua incarnation. I do know who we're talking about. I believe there was maybe a live show that we did somewhere where she had to be carried up the stairs because we weren't in an accessible venue sure uh lawrence mooney and i carried her upstairs yes and fuck that chair is heavy i was fucking heavy i could have done with a better call back then yeah i was fucking heavy um but yes she she came to a a couple of shows back then and i think she also came i don't remember whether i did this or not but i i remember she came to an adelaide

show that we were upstairs as well and i don't know if i don't think i carried her up that time but right i think i may have got a phone call from her saying can someone come and fucking carry me yeah i remember that right yeah it was like mid like the start of the show or whatever yeah maybe that was it yeah it was ages ago i think it was like mid, like the start of the show or whatever. Yeah, maybe that was it. Yeah. It was ages ago. I think it was a thing of you being like, stop calling, you know. Ah, was it?

And then it's like, some chick in a wheelchair. Right. I can't get into your fucked non-accessible venue. Right. Well, Shelley, let us know who carried you up the stairs that time. I remember me and Moon did once. Well, Shelley, let us know who carried you up the stairs that time. I remember me and Moon did once.

When you first started saying Paralympian, I was like... You notice I was very non-committal about whether I knew or not. Yes. Until I got the detail of Spicks and Specks and then I knew for sure. Yes. But I didn't want to go, you know, I've met someone that listens to this. You know what I mean? Yeah. I felt it was like a very like David Brent style scenario

that I'd found myself in just then. Yes, for sure. Well, I'll put myself out here with this observation then if you don't want to go and take a risk. So Shelly worked at Spix. At the same time, I was writing on it. And I remember, I don't know who it was. Someone told me, they said, oh, yeah, Shelley's upset that you didn't say hello.

And I'm like, why? And she's like, well, you walk past her every day and, you know, she listens to you. And it's like, yeah, but that's not how it works. I don't have a sense around to know who listens to the podcast I do. So I'm like, sorry sorry but i didn't i i would have said hello if i had known that right you knew who i was or wanted me to say hello or whatever it was yeah but um so so sorry shelly a very belated apology for not saying hello sounds like very ableist behavior it was it was it was uh but then again you know you maybe you should have just been happy

considering the abc did have a fucking elevator so you know well that's what's so bad about it is that she's in the elevator you're in there with her yeah you're not even saying anything you don't even say she's like how exciting is this yeah i'm in the elevator with it fuck the abc i'm in this thing with a genuine celebrity. Yeah, yeah. With someone who is, yeah, you're listening to a,

you're listening to a show. Uh-oh. Yeah, I'm not, no, I won't, I won't. I had a rare glimpse of,

when to keep my mouth shut. Yeah, okay. I'm taking it. All right, the Daily Mail's, he's freaking up.

No, I haven't seen you in a live show for a while, so Shelley, happy to, me and Tommy, next time you want to come, me and Tommy will cart you up the stairs. And we're both in much better shape these days, so we'd make light work of that stairwell. Exactly. I think me and Lawrence Mooney back five years ago, probably, you know, I think me and you these

days is probably, you know, just as strong, if not stronger than that. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll probably won't even break sweat this time. And, you know, if you come to the show that we're doing at the basement, we don't even need to carry you. Yeah, we just put down a bit of cardboard, I guess. Just kick out.

Just go down. You're an athlete. You know how to ride the bumps on the way down. Fuck, is this cool? Yeah, I just put down a bit of cardboard, I guess. Just kick it. Just go down. You're an athlete. You know how to ride the bumps on the way down. Fuck, is this cool? Yeah, I think so. I guess it's fine. It'd be weird if she went, I've listened to all the other 450 episodes of you talking about killing yourself and whatever, but you saying, well, you go down the stairs if you

want. Right. I'm happy to call you from on stage and demand that I be carried up the stairs by one of the performers in the show. But I draw the line at this kind of talk. Yeah. I mean, I've caught plenty of elbows in the face in Beijing during the Paralympics,

but I don't need you making jibes about fucking gravity and where it can take me. Yes. Alright. We'd better wrap this up pretty quickly. Thank you, Shelley. Thanks, Shelley. All right.

Yeah, one to go. One to go. All right. Thank you to... Last of all, thank you to... The final one. Final one for this week. Not of all time.

That's number five, I believe. That is number five. This is the fifth one. Not ever. Yeah, not ever. For this week. Yeah, for this week. Yeah.

You're right. You're right. You've been following closely. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh, wow. What? That was interesting. I was just harking back to something that we talked about earlier.

That's all. Wow. Weird timing. That's the first time this ever happened, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. I'm a bit scared.

This is great. I'm spooked by this, to be honest. This is. Now, this is Daily Mail, if you're listening. God, this is a story. I've got a scoop here. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Postmaster Lek Comedy. This is...

Okay. This is my post... This is the post guy at my post office. You're sure? Well, I mean... It doesn't say... It could be from anywhere. Yeah, but Lek...

Like from Thailand. Lek is a Thai name Yeah But you think there's only You think that in all the world Yes There's only one Thai person Yes Yes

Yes, I believe so I mean, I guess I can't disprove that Yeah, exactly So I kind of have to just copy Exactly Exactly And And

You know what? It sort of rings a bell now Because now that I think about it, when he's always been reading my name on the back of the envelopes, he also said this a lot of times. When I've been sending out – we've got a lot of – if you've listened to this part of the show before, there's been at least three or four times where we've had subscribers

with the last name Comedy. Oh, I have noticed that. Yeah, at least three or four times. And when I've been sending out merch to people with that name, to some of those three or four people, he's pointed at it and gone, that's my last name as well. And I never really thought anything of it until now. And so he's subscribing.

Yeah. So he listens. Yeah. So you're in there every day. Yeah. But he's like Shelley, he just didn't mention exactly he's probably really pissed off yes yeah but i've i've never said ignoring him yeah he's he's like you've never said thanks for listening he's talking about liverpool i mean obviously that's

where he got that info from from the podcast when i've been talking about going to liverpool whatever it's probably what inspired him to start supporting them yeah i mean i didn't think anything of it but now now i think about when i go in every day and he goes oh how's little blanket and uh yeah how's tommy going with the run and raising money and stuff like that and i kind of just think this is just a really weird stab in the dark from him that he just keeps happen to be nailing and i just don't think anything of it but well he could be just going through mail oh you know i i'm pen pals with a lot of inmates right so i'm, right. So I'm pretty honest with them. So maybe he's, maybe my... Hang on, he's going through your mail now?

He's going through my mail. That's how he knows stuff about me. Oh, right. That's how he's getting the information about me. I thought he might have been going through my, all the postcards I send back home. Right, right, right, right. I send, I just send a lot of postcards to my mum. Right.

Every day. Right. Yeah. A lot of postcards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how many? Well, five. Okay, that is heaps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's heaps of postcards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do that every day. Right. A lot of postcards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how many? Well, five. Okay, that is heaps.

That's heaps of postcards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do that every day. Yeah, right. Every day. And what's typically on the front of the postcards? Just Hawthorne every day because that's where I am. They have postcards of Hawthorne?

Yeah, that's the rule. Wow, okay. You only send postcards of a place that you're at. Wish you were here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone on Riversdale Road with a dog biting off their bikini bottom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone on Riversdale Road with a dog biting off their bikini bottom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wish you were here so I didn't have to fucking mail all these postcards every day.

I could just turn my neck and talk to you. I guess that's what you're really getting at when you say wish you were here, isn't it? Yeah. On a postcard. Right. It's like saving me a trip to the post... I wish you were here so I didn't have to fuck around with this stupid, outdated mode of getting in touch with people. I wish you were here.

Stamps are a dollar now. You know what would be cool? I think if we got a PO box for the podcast and people could actually write into us and send us physical things. That would be pretty cool. Especially since... Get the fucking bomb squad in every second day. Especially since when I mail out merch, you've got to put a return address

because sometimes you've got the wrong, it comes back. And I'm not going to give out my address. Yes. So I give out the European Beer Cafe's address every time. So they just get return stuff every now and then that goes, what the fuck's this? What's wrong with you? Do you think you live here? Yeah.

And I have to say that I go, I don't want anyone knowing where I fucking live. They know my phone number already and they do fucking dumb shit with that. I'm sure they can do dumber shit with my home address. We should look into it. It would be funny to get a PO box for the pod. It would be. I reckon it probably would. A little kids club.

People could send us drawings and stuff. Yeah. Little macaroni pictures they've made. We might get more physical stuff, cool stuff sent to us that way. Yeah. That'd be great. Oh, fuck. I bet it'd cost fucking heaps.

Yeah, maybe. I'll look into it. I'll ask Leck. Yeah, I'll ask my one. I'll ask Leck. Maybe they price match. We can pit them against each great. Oh, fuck, I bet it'd cost fucking heaps. Yeah, maybe. I'll look into it. I'll ask Lick. Yeah, I'll ask my one. Maybe they price match. We can pit them against each other.

Yeah. All right, we better wrap this up. Thank you guys so much for supporting the show. We really appreciate it. Thank you to everyone who chips in.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com for the link to the Patreon, the link to the fundraiser for another couple days, the link to all the live show stuff we have coming up, all of the merch you can get your hands on.

The link to my four laps. I'm going to run around St. James Park, Copenhagen, holidays. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.