The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 464 - Scott Dooley & Greg Larsen

Episode Date: August 28, 2019

This week we're joined by GREG LARSEN and SCOTT DOOLEY. Scott has been on some landmark episodes of the podcast so the pressure is on to deliver another all-time classic this week. Chandler's been trying new material at Spleen with mixed results, we launch a smear campaign against Peroni, and there's a debate about something potentially disgusting in an alleyway. Spoiler: they've done it again! Also, there's a huge update on Tommy's fundraising competition in Talking Dum Dum!MELBOURNE! We're doing a small live podcast quite soon. September 13, 8:30pm.PERTH! We're coming back with our yearly massive show. October 13, 4pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode with Scott Dooley and Greg Larson. Heaps of fun in this one. Enjoy listening to it. We will be back at the end of the episode to talk to you about a few things that we have coming up, including our Patreon subscribers and all that sort of stuff. But for now, kick back, relax and enjoy a great new episode with Scott Dooley and Greg Larson. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good to get you, kids. Oh, one of these great episodes where one of the guests comes in and suggests that we get beers from the shop. Oh, man. Fuck, it feels good.

It feels like we're doing a podcast without mum and dad watching. So good. Let's welcome our guests into the show. Wait, so who are those old people masturbating in the corner there? If that's not mum and dad watching. That is only mum. Dad's not doing that. Dad wouldn't do that.

Please welcome back into the show Scott Dooley and Greg Larson. Yay! Exciting stuff. Hooray. Now, when was the last time you guys were on? Now, Scott Dooley, you were on about a year ago. About a year ago, yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Luke Heggie.

Yes. And you were on, I believe, you were on just like a day after we'd done a bit of an infamous episode of ours. That's right. And I'd bumped into you on the way here. We couldn't talk about it on that show. And I'd bumped into you. It was, what were the guy's names?

Pablo Francisco. That's right. And Steve Kramer. Right. Now, I did. And the guy called Kramer wasn't the one that was yelling at the racial epithets. I wish that's what it had been. I have a confession to make.

I've been on this show a number of times. I always have fun. It's always a good time, you know, do the live shows and stuff like that. I've never heard it except for that episode, which I've listened to four times. Fantastic. And the best bit is like when you do the after dum-dum. Yeah. And there's just this point where you're like...

And that was... No, no, they've done it again. Just the sigh of regret. I think if we had have done that episode in the days before we did the talking dum-dum segment at the end, we would have invented it out of necessity. Absolutely. There's no way we could have done that

and put it out without some kind of commentary. Greg, in case you don't know what we were talking about, there was a man that was doing oriental impressions that were not called for in our humble opinion. A lot of flapping dicky work, if you know what I mean. But he was someone you invited or just came along? It wasn't someone who

broke into our podcast and started screaming into the mic. No, it was a comedian called Pablo Francisco who was, I guess, offered to us and we thought that would be a good idea and in hindsight, the jury's out, I guess. But it sounds like it was great. It sounds like it was memorable. Well, Dully's listened four times.

We've gotten a lot of mileage out of it. You can't argue that. I wouldn't take it back. So now, if we can, it's been a year, so I'm pretty sure we can peek behind the curtain. Is this one of those like retrospective specials where we're going to play clips and do an audience Q&A? Yeah, yeah. A little bit.

Let's hear a clip right now. Me? No, right here. You guys were, well, you were scathing about it. Like, it was quite obvious you didn't like the episode and the Dum Dum fandom really got involved in that. Like, you know, like tagging them in. Yeah.

They're big dobbers. Negative Twitter commentary. They're massive dobbers. Did you hear from them? Not at all. Really? Yeah. But to be fair

I think they probably haven't woken up since then as well Because We got sent a lot of clips after that Of their work One of their work I got sent one of them Where the guy was so drunk he fell off the stage Yeah

And drunk's a nice word for it Right Yeah Oh really? I think it was on the Dooley Beers Oh the Dooley Beers To throw back To use an old school reference

Yeah There's some very Fascinating clips on YouTube Oh, really? I think it was on the Dooley beers. Oh, the Dooley, yeah, it's a throwback. To use an old school reference. There's some very fascinating clips on YouTube of some meltdowns. And I really wish we had have known that coming in. Would have helped. Yeah. I mean, I'd love to have brought it up, but I feel like that wouldn't have been the right thing to do either. Couldn't have made it any worse. If we'd diverted from a bit of the Arnie impression work by going,

anyway, tell us about that full-on psychotic breakdown that you seem to be having in this YouTube clip. Yeah, yeah. Tell us about that set where you... I don't know how to say no! Tell us about that time when you said, get to the chopper 17 times within a minute. It's good stuff. It's great stuff. You and I finding that within 24 hours Of having done the ep Yeah

And sharing it And just going like Fuck I loved it It was really great I think he's my favourite comedian It's pretty good Well look

Let's hope we can make This episode now Can be as memorable As that Hopefully Yeah Greg what have you got You're the master of characters

Some different racial Yeah Well you know what you know what I mean between that and between a couple of weeks ago we got in the news

we got in the news because of Fiona O'Loughlin saying a few controversial things now you're very controversial on Twitter I mean you're I have been

at points yes I feel like you have just decided I can do whatever I want on Twitter and I'm not scared of going to... You're not afraid of being cancelled.

But I do sometimes question, I think I may have gone nuts in my mind, but also on Twitter, to the point of... You have got to... Look, whether this is something or not, but you have got a bit of the nuts acting thing. I've always got a bit of a query over someone who disappears from a medium, then pops back and then disappears. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's you're a big turner off of Facebook and Twitter and whatever it is. And then you're back again and then you go nuts again. Then you back off again. That's pretty much my MO. Yeah. And I mostly turn it off cause I'm like,

I don't want to go nuts anymore. Yeah. Um, but I've, I think I've finally accepted that I'm not going to use Facebook in any way, shape or form ever. Just because the only reason I keep turning back on Twitter is because I'm like,

I'm in comedy. I think you have to have a Twitter. This is like the mask. It's just like social media is just sitting in the corner of your room just staring at you and you're like, I really don't want to put it on and go psycho but I've been left with no choice I thought you meant

the one with the guy that had to battle with the way he looked Oh Scherz one Yeah That's why I thought my smoking reference would be so ironic

and funny Like oh Dooley's missed the point What a clown Didn't he die in his sleep I think that boy died in his sleep

in that movie Oh really? Spoiler alert That would have been so much better if that was Jim Carrey remaking that But still doing all the catchphrases with the dog So you're currently off Facebook for good? You think for good? I think for good

Why Facebook? Facebook seems to be the least toxic of the lot to me. Facebook I sort of, but it's also the least useful as well. Yeah. It's like it's got nothing, like I don't feel like you need to be on Facebook at all anymore. But when you came back you were on there under a pseudonym. Yeah.

Which is barely even in my book being on there at all. Yeah, well, yeah, I was there under a pseudonym, but I only had, I think Carl was, and my partner was maybe my only two friends on Facebook. I just did that because I had a great... There's so much, it's just Carl. Yeah, it's such a Carl. Who would you describe Carl?

Who's the one person I'm going to add? He's the only one that can find a pseudonym of a friend. Still feeling the need to have your partner on there when you live with her. It doesn't matter. She insisted, she got mad. She's like, you can't not have me as your friend. And all the events are like doing the dishes.

You've been invited. I just had a fake one just so I could run like a Facebook page, like the Greg Larson comedian Facebook page. And you need a personal account to be in charge of that fan page. Yes, you can't just do that from nothing. But then I also realised I never update that page and I've got no likes on that page. And Facebook sucks.

Facebook is the worst medium to interact with people anyway. You'll put a post out and then it's seen by two people. It's like, pay us money, pay us money. I'm like, I don't even want to be bothered. So Twitter's the only thing that i'm i'm on sort of and i still hate it and i'll probably get off it again at some point but who knows are you trying to get kicked off by just like no i've been i have been banned a couple of times um i think after the election night i got banned like a like a 36 hour ban or something and then i had to

delete a bunch of tweets and then a Fraser Anning thing when Fraser Anning was mucking around tweeted at him Fraser Anning is the crazy one that was hit with the air he was the Nazi

yeah the guy that was like literally when the Christ it was after the Christchurch thing when he tweeted like oh well

you know some people are justifiably mad and then I was just like you piece of shit and I think it was I said like please kill mad and then I was just like you piece of shit and I think it was

I said like please kill yourself and then that got me deleted that's polite though what's your problem with that yeah I was like

please but I was being really I was like I'm honestly so sincere like please kill yourself I used the golden word a minute and then it's done

so this this brings up two points for me what you've just said brings up me uh two points and i'll start with this one um now uh we talk a little bit about this uh about stand-up gigs on this show about uh well by we i mean i think me i don't think tommy ever does i just tommy just does his comedy and it comes to an end and he goes home and that's it whereas i have a lot more that happens with my gigs.

Yeah, I don't bathe in it for 24 hours like you do. What does that mean? Well, I don't know. Yeah, but your gigs are a full-on sensory experience. Yes. Where it's harder for you to do it and then just walk away from it. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Be aware of everyone's act and what everyone's doing. Well, I'm a bit of a magnet to certain behaviour or whatever. So, for example, this tail here. Tommy Well, I'm a bit of a magnet to certain behaviour or whatever. So, for example, this tail here. Tommy probably doesn't have a lot of these. So I've been running Comedy Explained on Monday nights for ages. Great room. Thank you very much.

No worries. It is a great room. And I use that. I also think it's a great room. Thank you. Thanks, everyone. And I use that primarily to work up new jokes. Right. So I'll come out and I won't even do that thing where, you know,

some people will have new material to do and they'll hide it in the middle. They'll do some old gear and they'll put that in the middle and then they'll have a showstopper, something they can rely on. But I sort of go, no, I don't have time to do that. I just want to do all new jokes. So that can be a bit weird because you don't even have a guaranteed start that's going to go well, that's going to get

people's confidence up or anything like that. And you don't have a guaranteed ta-da at the end. You just have another joke that generally with me, I put all the bad ones at the end.

So I generally walk off to silence. Your own gig. And let's point out, it is worth mentioning for anyone who's not particularly au fait with comedy, the thing that you were mentioning before most people will, you know,

you'll open with something old and tried and tested, you'll sneak the new in the middle. That is a tried and tested method of testing new that has served all of the greats well for decades and decades and decades. Since Thag decided to try his new banging a rock gear. He did it in between some of the old stuff he knew and wore. He opened with a wheel. Closed with fire. That's a great analogy though. You are up there trying to reinvent the wheel. You're like, this is what's worked for people.

No, no. I think I'm up there banging on a rock. So I'm generally down there every Monday. I'll write. You're really selling it to people to come down and

check it out. Oh no, no. I want to see Carl fuck around because no one can kick him off. Carson's got a list of people

he doesn't want there as well. I don't need anyone. It's full every week so I'm certainly not advertising.

I'm going to come down. I reckon I've roughly got probably a 40% hit rate. 30 to 40% hit rate so I'll do just think if you're a surgeon

yeah yeah I know but a surgeon's not walking into the theatre going well I don't know what this new tool does but let's let's not even hide it in between two good tools

let's just fucking open with it surgeons don't walk in and go oh gross like they're going to have a bit of an idea you're right that's right you do some surgery

that you've done dozens of times on a rat in the corner just before you cut open this cunt's brain. Yes. Yeah. So I...

I went to medical school. Dr. Dazzle. Yeah, seems this cunt's got something in his brain. I'm going to cut it open later. So that's what I do. Also, I write the jokes pretty quick. I walk from my house. I live in Hawthorne. I walk to the city. It takes me about an hour. So I write also I write the jokes pretty quick I walk from my house I live in Hawthorne

I walk to the city it takes me about an hour so I write probably six to eight jokes and then do them straight away on stage that's my little that's my way of doing it

so it sounds like it would be a challenge in like a reality show about comedy it is yeah it is

it really is it would be so I do that every Monday anyway generally because you do it like that, and I'll have to sort of say up the front, by the way, this is how I do it.

This is all new jokes. I run the room, so who gives a fuck if this bombs because I'll be back next week. And so I need to let them know. I need to let them know what's going to happen. It's the audience you want back next week. Not the guy not doing well. You want the audience back.

Right. Okay. I'm guy not doing well. You want the audience back. Right, okay. I'm learning all the time. So I did that. I come out. I need to tell them that's what's going to happen. It's not going to be some polished thing because I've also got a pen and a paper. So I've just written these jokes. I haven't memorized them.

I've just written them. I've got the name of the joke and i'll generally tick or or cross the the joke whether it goes well or not because you know you know what it's like you get up there and you don't even remember how things have gone in the heat of the moment so i get off i've got this nice little record of how everything's gone so uh we're on mark maron's podcast all of a sudden we're really getting inside the process yeah yeah no i feel like this is all we need this to set up yeah what happens next so um so generally because I'm giving them that info, I'm giving the audience that info,

and a lot of people have never been to Spleen before and never seen comedy before, and after my gig, a lot of them still haven't seen comedy before. Damn. He beat me to it. Did you see how quickly I moved the mic to my mouth? Did you see me just put the foot down with that line and make sure I got it before anyone else got it?

I'm turning this off. What's the point? I don't want to live anymore. Could you please kill yourself? Yes, well, that reminds me. I'm going to record myself saying it and edit out you saying it and then drop me in in the end. Right.

So I've got a couple of different things I'll say up the top of the set just so people know what I'm about to do. So I've got the pen and paper out and I explain everything I've explained to you uh but i need something funny in there you know what i think is funny so i go cool so this is what's gonna happen i'm gonna do all those jokes now we're gonna find out together i've got the pen and paper here i've got the name of the joke and i've got a little box next to it and so if i do the joke and you guys laugh i give it a tick and if i do the joke and you guys don't laugh i and they go cross and i go no kill myself and so then they go now you've burnt that for next week which is good that's

good you've done that now yes so and most of the time people go oh that's funny i got misdirected there and then sometimes people go well that's bad that That's sad that he's going to do that. And then I go, oh, fuck, this isn't a good opener at all. I've just, for some reason, I've said, hey, everyone, there's a chance I might kill myself on stage as my opener. And then people go, we don't like that at all. And then I go, well, you're not going to like these jokes because they're not as good as that.

That sort of is you opening with old. Yes. That's you sandwiching it. Yeah, it's a good point. I'm going to have to get a new openness, especially because of this. So then I do that. A couple of weeks ago, I do that.

And then I do... Everyone's in the right frame of mind, I believe. Everything's going all right. And then I go, okay, here's the first joke. And, you know, look, again, inside the comedian's studio. The best way to start a comedy is to say, all right, here's the first joke. No, you know, look, again, inside the comedian's studio. The best way to start a comedy is to chat. Yeah, I know. All right, here's the first joke.

No, no, no, to be fair, I say here's joke number one. Here's joke number one. Yeah, because you're a professional. Yeah, yeah, it is the worst. But I cannot help myself from saying it. I know. No respect for the audience whatsoever. These people have no ability to put this together themselves.

All right, you're sitting in seats. There are currently lights on on the stage. The look on your little faces right now. Okay, here's joke one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You idiots that can't count by yourself. So I say that. I've put one that I would put money on it probably working up the top.

You want to put a good one to start with to get everyone's confidence. So I do the joke. Boom, bang, it works straight away. Room full of people laughing. In the middle of the laughter, I just hear this voice screaming, fucking kill yourself! And I was like, oh man, that's, what? Did you just yell fucking kill yourself?

And the guy didn't answer. And I was like, you can't, that's a bad, like that joke went well. Like that's a bad heckle. That's what you're worried about. Yeah, yeah. That's a bad heckle. That joke went well. You've burnt that too early.

That's very silly because you can't get any reaction because everyone else was laughing. So that's an incorrect heckle. Sorry, but I can't take that. And then I'm going, fuck, what sort of person yells, kill yourself at a gig? And then I'm like, fuck, that's so weird. And then someone's like, you just said that a minute ago. I was like, oh, I completely forgot that.

Great. Because it's old rope. So you're sort of like, you know, we do stand up, we know what it's like, you do all

you kind of check out mentally. That bit to me is like wallpaper. Yeah. You're just on autopilot as you're saying it.

Exactly. Exactly. So that happens. That happens. And then I get to the second joke. Second joke goes well.

This guy. You're storming this set Yeah Pretty good He's two for ten Yeah Two for two This guy Bang again

Kill yourself I'm like Is he waiting for the laughter to subside He did this time Okay right So the first time it was under the cover In this heckler's defence He's also trying new gear Yeah yeah yeah He's trying to work out the beats Yes Yeah because the first time it was under the cover of the other noise. In this heckler's defense, he's also trying new gear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's trying to work out the beats. Yes. Yeah, because the first time, I was like saying, man, your timing's terrible. Yeah, right. You're in the middle of laughter. You couldn't even get any reaction from the crowd. This time he waits for the silence, then he goes, kill yourself.

And I'm like, oh, man. Like, again, man, this will work so much more effectively when no one laughs at a joke. Like I said, man, there's plenty of them coming up. Yeah, exactly. And it'd be quite a nice save as well after a bad joke. Like you'd probably get a little laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know.

Yeah, yeah, totally. He could have got a laugh. Yeah, yeah, he could have got a laugh. So you do a joke that bombs, someone in the crowd yells out, kill yourself, that gets a big laugh, and then you're saying to the guy in the crowd, can I have that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I just put that

at the end of the bit? What are you doing for March and half of April? Because... So I... I think the first three jokes work well. Righto, mate.

Okay. Anyway, the end. What else has been happening with you guys? No, so... So wait, he's done it for number two. Yeah, he's done it

for number three. And number three as well. Yeah, yeah. And number three's gone well. So, so wait, he's done it for number two. Yeah, he's done it for number three. And number three as well. And number three's gone well. Yeah, yeah, right. So that's what, is that a 100%?

That's what I'm hearing. Well, you're going to get to the end of the gig first because I have, I have front loaded. I usually front load. All the singles are at the front. Yeah,

all the potential singles. Yeah. The filler's at the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, we'd just like to close with this eight minute album track we've been working on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, all the potential singles. Yeah. The fillers at the back. Yeah, yeah. All right, we'd just like to close

with this eight-minute album track we've been working on. Yeah, yeah. Oh, thanks, Radiohead. Yeah, yeah. Glad I came. I'd like to close with distortion, thank you.

You're a comedian. Yeah, well. Here we are. So I get to the fourth, and I've admonished him for what he's been saying to me for the first three because the joke's been working

and he's kept it up yeah yeah guess the number four the joke dies I have to kill him come on mate really yeah

then he's like kill yourself I'm like finally man fucking hell anyway but he just keeps

screaming it after that whatever joke it is I have to keep going and by you know if there's a man that's now yelled, kill yourself five times at you within five minutes, I'm like, we're going to have to have some form of conversation. Starting to think he might mean it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I start looking at him and I'm like, oh, man, this guy's not trying to be funny. This guy, like, there's something wrong with him. Great. And I look at him and he's like, I say to him, is there something going on? Like, what's happening here? And he's like, nothing.

And I'm like, really? And I look at him and I'm like, I think it looked like his first day out of jail. So everyone's like laughing and laughing and thinking all this really. Hang on. What visual cues are there? Green tracksuit, shoes with no laces. He's got a brochure saying you've just been released from jail.

Still had the ball around the ankle. He had a striped shirt on. He saw the number on him. He had Beagle Boys written on his shirt. He had a big sack with a dollar sign. He was still mid-anal rape. God, I could go some comedy after ten years in the joint. But there was people next to him, either side of him,

and I was like saying, is he been in jail or is he under the influence of something? You just go right in. Has he been in jail? What's the story influence of something? You just go right in. Has he been in jail? What's the story here? I was trying to get the story. And those guys were like terrified. Really?

And they wouldn't say anything. And I'm like, you're going to need to. And there was a girl next to him and I was like, is this the girlfriend? Are you his girlfriend? And she wouldn't say anything and she was hiding, hiding her face. And I was like, mate,

I know this must be your first time in comedy, but when you hide when you when your girlfriend when your partner is next to you and she's hiding your face when i'm talking about you i think that's a bad sign in a relationship so you've gone from i think this guy is fresh out of the joint i know to now roasting him i know it's about five seconds i know and i and i've got everything in me is like let's get off stage. And then I keep talking to him and like a big softball hop up and I'm like, fuck, I've got to hit it now.

Fuck. So how far from the stage is he sitting? How many rows back from the stage? Four rows. So he's really close. That's quite. He can come at you if he wants. It's very close.

It's like at spleen. Especially at spleen. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The stage is like, you know, what, half a foot high. It's a pretty small bar. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, the stage is like half a foot high. It's a pretty small bar. Yes, totally. So I kept talking to him and then I'm like,

man, that's a bad time when your partner's hiding her face. And then he's like, if your partner hears she'll hide her face! And just screams that. What did he say? If your partner hears she hides her face! And I was like, well, at least it's not kill yourself. Like that's something

that's something that's pretty good I'll give him that that really cuts to the core it's such a really brutal just honest insult she would hide her face but it's actually

just what I said to him though yeah yeah yeah but it's still it's still good it's still classic what's the audience reaction now because I imagine

they're laughing at mate with your girlfriend that gets a good laugh. Yes. Then when he says that, did everyone's ass just get super tight? Like, oh, this is. He said that and then I just smashed him back and said something. And then everyone's still.

So very nicely for me, everything he's done, I've had a good rejoinder for. Right. So the audience is like, this guy's in full control of this. This is all fun. So the audience is like, this guy's in full control of this. This is all fun. Then he says something like... Can't wait to hear how joke number five goes. Yeah, yeah. So there's a good spirit in the room.

Anyone here ever been in prison? So there's a good vibe in the room. Sounds great. So people are laughing. People are laughing people are laughing we've established that there's an ex-con in the room

there's a terrified woman hiding her face yeah and if she shows it she's blinking cross-cone towards you yeah oh

that sounds nice that's horrible so the gig's going alright it's like a pizza party but no but this I agree but this is the thing

I think because he's quite close not everyone can see him. People are behind him. So from the laughter and everything that's going well, people are like, well, this is all in good spirits. And it gets to this point and I start looking at him and he is not enjoying any of this. Like he's looking, every time he feels like he's killing himself

or anything that happens or everyone else laughs, he does not laugh at all. He's just eyeballing me very seriously. And so I'm going, man, I'm starting to worry now. And then I'm like, are we all cool? Because I just feel like there's going to be a weird vibe in the room. I mean, I'm just trying to do jokes up here, you know, and you're yelling that. So I just want to make sure you're cool.

We all cool with it. And he's like, yeah, mate, we're really good friends now. Oh, yes. Oh, good. And then people are like, oh, and you see the reaction. People are like, oh, cool, this is all fun. And I'm like, oh, cunt, this is not cool. This is not cool.

I think Carl dies at the end of this story. You did limp in here, I'll say that much. He's going to open the cup and here he is now. I brought him in. Man, so I reckon I i do a couple more jokes and then oh so now we're at the rest is a blur territory for the gig okay good joke by joke play about it yeah i don't i think i rushed through it now because i'm like well there's not much more to go in and i'm clearly getting him very angry and you're like oh so uh

hey you got the tattoo on the neck. That's a good look. I'm just kicking my own jokes halfway through the jokes, no matter how they go. So I just rattle through it and go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And just walk off stage and that's that. So then what happens at Splane usually is because I run it, I'll have someone doing the sound. Someone's on the iTunes doing intro music and outro music and stuff like that.

I don't do that. I get someone else to do that. This night was Oliver Clarke, a friend of the show, comedian Oliver Clarke. He was doing that at the back. Then I'm always towards the end of the show, so usually I'll rattle around to the front of the bar. The night runs on donations, so I'll sit there with a jug,

and the MC will say something like, you know, notes, gold coins, keeps the night running, keeps the MC paid, whatever it is. So I'll do that and then I'll be rattling the jug and going, hey, whatever. So I'll always do that. That night I go, I reckon I'm best off maybe doing the sound for the end of the show. So I go up to Oliver and I go, I reckon we should swap positions tonight. And he's like, no, no, you'll be fine.

And he knew to what you were referring as well. Yeah, of course, because he was there. But he goes, no, no, he sounded all good. He said that you guys are really good friends. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. All that was missing from when he said that was the finger to the throat sliding across the throat movement. That says a lot about Oliver Clarke, though. Like, you know, just trusts everyone.

Yes. Just a positive man. If you can't trust a confirmed ex-con, who can you trust? Yes. Sees the best in every convicted killer. So he does that. I go, please, if if you could that would be great so he rattles around

does the jug and I go look I know this is a full coward move but I'm not a full coward so I go well I'm not going to go and hide wow thank you for half a beer what the hell

what happened then oh my god what happened to that that's what I okay I'm not going crazy. I felt like... All right, mid-story. I felt like that was similar to my beer earlier.

We bought beers. We've just got the beers out here and we've been given half of them. Can we take a photo of this? Yeah, yeah, please. Wild. Please. I'm worried now I'm going to die that someone's opened these beers, put... What the hell?

Get onto parole. This is... Now, speaking of things people should go to jail for, this is absolutely one. Yeah, what's happened there? Honestly, what do you think's happened there? So, this is sealed. Can you...

This is absolutely sealed. Can you grab the bottle? Well, I mean, I think it's pretty... To be honest, I think I've cracked the case. Go on. I reckon they haven't filled up all the beer. I reckon in the factory, not all of it went in. He's onto something, boys.

Detective Greg Larson. Detective Greg Larson, liquid division. Other than that, someone stole the beer from out of the bottle. Fucking hell. But see if it fizzes That's the test Okay Because I I felt like

I didn't even really check But I remember When I opened my beer I felt like This feels light That's a sealed That's a fizz Yeah that's a sealed

Half a beer Wow I haven't filled the beer Up all the way This is You know what This is like Smith's chips

Have bought out Peroni And they've just like Half filled the packet You know Okay chips have bought out Peroni and they've just like half filled the packet, you know? Okay, because right to Peroni though, because this happened to me but with Cornettos. Greg has absolutely woken up. This boring cunt was trying to murder me on stage. Oh, yuck.

There's a chips analogy. Cornetto is not a chip. Sorry. I had bought a Cornetto and a four packpack of Cornettos, let's be honest, and I bought a four-pack of Cornettos. When I opened one of the Cornettos, there was – I've got a question about Cornettos by the time you get to this end of the – It's a twist-up, you dumbass.

It's too late. But, yeah, I opened one of the Cornettos, no cone. What? It was the full amount of ice cream in Cornetto shape, but no crunchy cone. I pulled the paper away and I'm just looking at bare ice cream. Oh, it must have been looking like one of those hairless dogs. Yeah.

So, hang on, was there a bit of of a Did it kind of go in a bit Where the shame No no It was literally Just all the way out to the end Just all the way out to the paper Wow And now I was

With some friends And we had smoked A little bit of marijuana I will admit that I will admit that You are cancelled This is why you got Kicked off the force

Detective And I was like Guys am I going Fucking crazy And everyone's Looking at me And everyone's Going no man And I was like, guys, am I going fucking crazy? And everyone's looking. Everyone's going, no, man, you're Cornetto's fucking... That's great, a drug that makes you not see things. And then someone's like, oh, there's a number, dude, on the box.

So I called up this, it was like a toll-free number, and I called it like 1am and there's just a message. If you don't have a cone, ring this number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just called the number, I just left a message going, and all my friends are laughing in the background. But does it start off with, like, if you've taken marijuana, press 1.

If you're on mushrooms, press 2. If you don't have a cone, press 3. No, it's just, leave your feedback. And so I did, and I was like, man, I don't know how this has happened. And then you wake up so I did and I was like, man, I don't know how this has happened. And then you wake up in the morning

and it's like, cunt, you had a Barney banana. Of course there was no cone. But the whole point of the story, the whole moral, what it comes back to.

And that was a real cowboy you were trying to chew the nose on. Wait, there's a moral to this story. There's a moral to the story. Is they sent me a check for $10.24.

Whoa. The fuck? They sent me a check for $10.24. Whoa. They sent me a check in the mail. The box of Cornettos was less than that, and the full price was less than that as well. I don't know where they got it. Typical big ice cream. Trying to buy our silence. So what I'm saying, get onto Peroni,

because you will get a check in the mail for you know two dollars more than the value of the six pack I'd just love the other half of my beer to be honest if they could do that they could send me another half full beer

so you just want to go in and drink out of the tap for a couple of seconds yeah I'd love that I'd love that just for the point of them going

I think you've had enough that's nearly a full one you've had more than enough do we tweet that image out? Just go, what the hell did you call this? At Peroni AU? After this ep goes up, absolutely. Now we've done our anti-ad break.

Can we get back to the story where you get murdered? It's also very quickly worth pointing out that the actual bot, like the six-pack cardboard bit that we got those beers in, was held together with sticky tape. There's a lot of weird shit going on here. Oh man, yeah. No, that's not cool.

Something has happened. Something's going on here. You shouldn't be able to put sticky tape on anything and sell it. Agreed. No, that should be a law. I'm working with a new theory, which is they've dropped the six pack at the bottle shop and then gone, and one of the lids has spurted off and they've gone, oh, we've got access to lids. That had a bit of fizz to it.

It did have fizz to it. That's the thing. That's the problem. Your original stick-with-your-gut-detective. We're going to get this down to forensic and I reckon you'll be pleasantly surprised. It really has tarnished this beer, though. It feels like someone else has already... Like, every time I take a sip, I'm like,

it feels like someone's already half-drunk this beer. Yeah. I feel like it's... Sloppy seconds. Exactly. That would be great if that was... No, because I know you've drunk half that beer. So you take a stranger over me.

That tells a huge story. Would it help if I got some of your beer in my mouth and then kind of like spat it into yours like a mother feeding a baby bird? Would that make you feel less weird? I think it would hurt to try. I think we should try. I think that would lower you down to my level.

I don't think that would help me any. Well, even surely just the image of that is making you appreciate what you have in front of you, that you're not doing what I suggested. I'll take a picture of that and we'll tweet that at someone else and get $10 for that. Someone will give us $10 for that picture.

$10.24? Yeah. Have you cashed it yet? Oh, a long time ago. Yeah, yeah. I cashed it straight away. I bought more Cornettos, cones, all round. That's good of you that it's gone straight back into them.

Yeah. That is really good when you have an amount of money where you think, as long as you use it like that, if you've got, like say that refund, you go $10, well that's purely from that, from Cornetto, from big Cornetto. I must spend it only on Cornetto. Yeah.

Like if, you know, when you get cash in, it's like, I can use that for the groceries or a bill or whatever. When you earmark it for something stupid or something,

I want $10.24 worth of Cornetto. Yes. Actually, I remember at the time too being like, because Cornetto at no point asked for proof or verification in any way, shape or form. Was this going to be your get rich quick scheme? This is who I am now.

And the very next one, I was like, here we go. We're getting it done because I bought a pack of Siggy's, Horizon Siggy's. And I remember seeing, like if you havegy's. Because you're a single mother. People don't know. And I remember seeing a number because they often used to say that on the box. It would say, like, if you have a problem with this product, call this toll-free number. And I called them and I'm like, yeah, your Siggy's were all dry and just shit, just shit.

But then they were like, you've got to send us proof. You've got gotta show us Like the half empty pack of ciggies And I was like I smoked them all Yeah yeah yeah And they were like Why'd you smoke them

If they were shit And I was like Cause I'm fucking addicted To ciggies This must have been like A big fuck up Down at the Cornetto factory You know where they've

Gotten that call from you And they knew this day Was coming They were like Oh god those dodgy Cornettos We sent out And you know what it was? It was like, oh, it's fucking Roger's last day.

He said he was going to do something. No, I vividly remember now. The other thing was that they sent a letter out quite literally explaining how that happened. There's like an ice cream dispenser and a cone dispenser. And they said sometimes the cone dispenser can get clogged or fuck up and the ice cream goes straight into the paper without the cone. Fix the cone dispenser! They were like, we know that this is a thing that can happen.

That'll cost tens of thousands. Whereas a $10.24 cheque every day, that's nothing. This is like the opposite of McDonald's with the soft serve machine, how that's always down and they've got the cones at work. They will make ice cream come rain, come hail,

come cold. Hold out your hands because we've got no cones but we'll put that ice cream but keep your hairnet on. Wow, that's great. Well, you know, if you can get that

without any proof, this is actually a great plan for the company to find people at Drumstick to just bankrupt their opposition. They should just employ a couple of hundred people to just write those letters non-stop to Cornetto and send them under. Can we kind of...

Not militarise, but can we kind of... Militarise? What are you about to say? No, I'm prepared to put the fatigues on. Can we buy Greenland? Can we get the Dum Dum fandom to see what they can get cheques for? Oh. I don't know.

We've kind of been working them pretty hard. No, no, no. We've been asking for money for different charities and stuff. This is something for themselves. No, for themselves. I want to see like... This is something for themselves. No, for themselves. I want to see like... This is time for us to give back to them. By letting them give it back to them.

This is a scam that you can do and your partners give you a hand. This is like a Zoot review. Yeah, yeah. What was the name of that cat food company that fucked you over? Applause. If we can get checks from Applause. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah.

Send some letters in complaining about applause. And I will personally double the check if it's made out to crunchy. If you can get it. I think there's a big problem. With a limit of $50 AU. $50 AU limit. I think the issue, though, is that back when this happened, it wasn't pre-internet, but it certainly was pre-smartphone.

Right. That was a different time. It's like saying to take a photo of something was a lot more of an ordeal. I see what you're saying. Than it is now. Right. It's like proof was harder to come by back then,

whereas now they can easily just go, yeah, snap a little picky on your big megapixel smartphone. In fact, if I was smart, I would have taken a video right now of that Peroni half full, popping the lid off it, getting the fears,

irrefutable evidence. We've got the audio. Yeah, yeah. We've got the audio. We've got the photos. And you've got three witnesses. Yeah, yeah. What do you think we can get out of Peroni?

Two of whom are credible. I won't say who. What can we get out of Peroni? That's what I'm wondering. If we send this in, and if we play it, you know, if we send it in a way where we're not, like, looking like we're trying to be funny, what do you think they send out?

I would take a birthday card. I would take absolutely anything. I was going to say the Peroni Kosamui podcast has a ring to it. Sponsorship sponsorship that's all Ireland right off the coast of Italy and Peroni

where you're buying $9 beers as opposed to $2 Changs in Thailand they wouldn't be a big seller do you know

what's better than $2 Changs free Peroni oh yeah right yeah well let's see let's see

let's see if they're inspired to give us, to sponsor a program that has bagged them for the last half an hour. Yeah. Because there was a sip of beer missing. There was a sip of beer. It speaks of your character that you described about 200 mil as a sip. Oh, yeah.

Mate, that's a Queensland sip. That is. Queensland sip sounds like a weird sex thing, yeah. Mate, that's a Queensland sip. That is. Queensland sip sounds like a weird sex thing, man. All right, so. Fuck, he's polishing that beer off pretty quickly, isn't he? Problems at home, mate. Officer, I've only had, well, it looks like I've had more than what I've had, alright? It's like the alphabet backwards

You've got two empty beers in your car Yeah, but half of it was empty already I've got audio in a podcast of it making a fifth sound I've got an mp3 of That proves something And my Cornetto didn't have a cut Alright, so I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the car. Oh, wow.

Right. All right, so where were we? So you've... We were before Media Watch kicked off in the middle of our show. You've bitched out of doing the... I've bitched out. Oh, you're hiding. Yeah, you're hiding.

You're hiding out the back of the venue, crying. You're under a doona. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not through puberty yet. I just want to clarify, though. You're doing sound because you want to hide. Let's stop saying that. Hide's a strong word.

But I thought, when you said you wanted to do sound, I thought that meant so you could be there to oversee, to make sure this guy... No, no, no, no, no. So you can... The opposite of what I thought you were doing is what you were doing. When you think of a hero, picture the opposite.

No, so what it is, is the sound's being done towards the back of the room, but the back of the audience. So pretty much what I'm trying to avoid is I imagine a confrontation, because I'm literally at the door with the jug, with the bucket, normally. Now, I can just imagine this guy coming up and just swinging or whatever he's going to do. So I thought, and that's when people are coming through and putting money in or whatever.

Sounds like a real loose cannon, this guy. Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, I'm sure that's why he was in the joint to start with. So now he was definitely in jail. He must have been. Must have been. Crime of passion? Because I wouldn't be scared Of someone that hadn't been

No of course not Of a normal person You're a hero Yeah exactly I'm a tough guy So you're hiding behind the sound booth Under thank you No

So I take over from Oliver Clarke Just listening to Baby Shark To calm yourself down I talk to Oliver Clarke He goes No it's all fine I say it's not fine I looked at the murderous glint in his eyes

And I know that this is not fine This is not my friend He goes okay, no worries, I'll go and do the thing. I thought you were a cool man. I thought you were a cool tough guy. You thought wrong. I never thought you were cool. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for not betraying me.

So I take a word from him. It's literally the end of the show so I just turn the music up and that's it. Then I go well... Thin Lizzy jailbreak? So then I go, well I'm not, I feel silly for even swapping, and I go, I feel silly. I'm not going

to go off and hide or anything. I go, you know what, I'll just go to the bar where everyone walks past on the way through, and just stand there and go, you know what, I'm not going to hide, I'm going to stand there, and if he wants to come by and say something, I guess I'm there for him. I'm going to kill him first. So I stand there. It's now like a Western.

You know where the guy just has to, no, this is coming. This duel is going to happen. This duel is going to happen. And I've got two hands free because I don't have like a bucket in one of them. So at least I'm fully able to get both pistols out. Yeah. So I stand there and I'm like, okay, right. I'll cop it at some stage.

Everyone walks past. And because it's been a thing where I've diffused this crazy guy and I've whacked the heckler back, people tend to, an audience will really like that. Yeah. Generally. Because to them, the heckler is trying to ruin their show, their experience. And if someone smashes the heckler back, thank you for not, for saving the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they generally walk out and go, oh, that was great. Oh, the way you took care of that guy was great. I'm like, oh, cheers. You're right. You don't go down to where he works and knock the dicks out of his mouth. Yes. Hey-oh! That would be actually quite cool, though.

Like, imagine doing that. I don't go down to where you're incarcerated and... Yeah. Knock the dick out of your ass. That implies that you were taking it in the ass up there on stage at that point in the gig. Yeah, that is. It was heavily implied.

So, people go past And whatever And I'm like Wow I think that's I think that's Pretty much everyone And then Luke McGregor

Happened to be on that night Friend of the show Luke McGregor And so he So he got back up For when he kicks off Well literally He starts talking to me

My number one Dream fight scenario Number one pick Well it'd be me and McGregor Yeah yeah exactly No I reckon He would have He would have that inner

Like sort of redhead demon That Tasmanian shit as well Yeah yeah There would be something in him That would like It would snap And you'd be impressed Or he would get

Dropped like a second Yeah yeah yeah So this is This is what happens Because he was on right He then comes up to me And goes oh man You know that was funny

And blah blah blah And he starts talking to me And as then comes up to me and goes, oh, man, you know, that was funny and blah, blah, blah. And he starts talking to me. And as he comes up, I'm talking to him having a beer. I think the bar's now empty. The guy has been, I don't know, somewhere in the bathrooms, somewhere else. He pops up out of nowhere. The guy from the crowd, the crim. Chopper 2.

Chopper Junior. Yeah, yeah. Chopper 2. Chopper Junior. Yeah, yeah. Chopper 2. He pops up, walks over to me. Now, he's basically walking up to, like, McGregor's sort of back, like, not directly behind him, but sort of his peripheral vision, nearly side of him. Sure.

He walks up to me, me but then and I'm like oh well here it comes he walks up to me and then I sort of look at him and he looks at McGregor and just looks at him

for about five seconds and then goes hmm and then just walks away oh that's far more terrifying than if he'd had a go at you isn't it just so

I don't know whether has anyone heard from Luke McGregor since this happened? But I think Luke McGregor saved me. You think the star power of Luke McGregor is what? Stop this guy from doing anything? Either that or just going, I can't be bothered waiting for this guy to be alone so I can kill him. Right.

There's at least a witness here. Do you think you're murderable? I mean, I'd say this is a friend. Oh, absolutely. You reckon you'd be worth killing? I don't think I'm worth murdering. I'm not worth the headache. You don't know many people in the Melbourne comedy scene.

I'm surprised this is the first story like this we've ever had on the podcast. Oh, there was a couple of people behind this guy as well, waiting as well. Right, right. Take a number, pal. Yeah, yeah. Also, it do Thursday night

so it's fine yeah yeah so yeah he looks at McGree walks out the door and that like waits for a little bit

till he clocks in has a good look then walks out but where Spleen is is that weird part like where it's really central but

after nine o'clock it's deserted yeah like you've got to walk around there yes yeah it's a bit of a weird it's a weird part and it's surprisingly there's heaps of buildings but it's deserted yeah like you've got to walk around yes yes yeah it's a bit of a weird

it's a weird place and it's surprisingly there's heaps of buildings but it's always super dark for some reason and also it's a bit of it because it's so sort of like a bit of a well it is a dive bar yeah people like a lot of crazy people will just go well they'll have me this place like they've got absolutely no qualms they wouldn't walk into the elephant wheelbarrow they'd be like these guys have you know there's a thing going on here but Sweene is like

I think I could sleep here for a couple of days and no one would notice it's the kind of place where if you're fucking around out the front they throw you in yeah just so they don't

have to clean up the mess in the pool bar yeah yeah and also how bad is your place where well I'm not good enough for the elephant wheelbarrow yeah

totally I could never meet their rigorous social standards So how bad is your place where, well, I'm not good enough for the elephant and wheelbarrow. Yeah. Totally. I could never meet their rigorous social standards. So that was the end. So he just, so. Yeah. That was the end of it. Yeah. Are you.

When was this? This was just Monday gone? This was a couple of weeks ago now. Right. And so he hasn't shown up again? No, no. Are you looking over your shoulder? So he hasn't shown up again?

No, no. Are you looking over your shoulder? I was wondering, but after that I was like, after he took off after that I was like, I am absolutely justified in running out the back door now. I've stood up. It's been my time. I've given him the opportunity,

but now I can leave immediately out the back. And it's good you've done it by the book by telling him the exact route you walk every week to that show. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yes. Fuck, I did too. But what's also terrible because I know Spleen out the back

I know that's way worse out the back that's the sketchiest way little alley like it's tiny like at least you've got CCTV in the main street

like whoa man at least we'll see who murders you that way at least you'll be avenged at the back I don't know if you were there the other week

at the back of Spleen the other week there was like a half hour discussion of all the comics were at the back trying to figure out in an alleyway whether someone had actually taken a giant shit or not or whether it was ice cream. There was like a lump of shit.

Was there a cone? No, there was no cone. I'll call Caneto. Get to the bottom of it. But if it was a shit and everything pointed towards a shit except it just didn't move. It didn't like...

How did it taste? Well, it was... It had the consistency of ice cream in that it was slowly sort of starting to melt. And it was like, who has a shit that melts?

Some ice cream then. Mate. But it didn't melt in a proper ice cream way either. Maybe it was Mr. Whippy's shit. I feel like I definitely wasn't there because if I was there ice cream then? Mate. But it didn't melt in a proper ice cream way either. Maybe it was Mr. Whippy's shit. I feel like I definitely wasn't there because if I was there

there would have been no discussion. I would have sorted it out. I've seen every shit. I've seen every ice cream. I know. Can anyone think of Paul Larson?

I know them all. We've got to get him down here. You're in the middle of the Venn diagram of shit and ice cream. Just my sad face. There's a tear on my face. I'm not bringing up any shit companies looking for my money back, I'll tell you that much.

So did you reach a consensus or not? No, it was honestly... How long did this go for? It went for fucking ages. And not only that, I think three different comedians walked on stage and talked to the audience about it. And the audience were like, we don't know what the fuck you're talking about. That's my favourite. That is my, you've got to see this shit out there.

Because also, also, like if it is a shit, and like there were several things that were pointed towards it being a shit. But the one thing that was pointed. What an ad for this gig, by the way. Several things that pointed towards it is a shit and like there were several things that were pointed towards it being a shit but the one thing that were pointed what an ad for this gig by the way several things get down there guys well

why did if you're not murdered why would anyone dump like a perfect mound of ice cream a brown ice cream out the back of Spleen for starters

why would anyone brown ice cream what ice cream could I get a brown please ice cream please Can I get a brown, please? Ice cream, please. Brown, thanks. Oh, fuck it.

Oh, fuck it. I've never laughed. I've never laughed. I've never laughed in anything like this. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Sorry. Oh, fuck.

Sorry. Sorry. Oh, my God. So. Oh, fuck. So. So. Oh, my God.

Who's dumping a good amount of brown ice cream out the back of Spain? Who's just dumping it on the ground? Who's doing that? Yeah, but also, okay. Actual tears. Just listen. If you're, I don't know if you've ever been around a shit before But if you're standing over one There tends to usually be a pretty overpowering smell

Yes Of shit And that was definitely in the column for it being ice cream That was definitely in the column Yeah Oh I reckon that's That's just a confirmed ice cream How did this begin? Was it as simple as someone just turning to it and going Yeah. Oh, I reckon that's just a confirmed ice cream.

How did this begin? Was it as simple as someone just turning to it and going, do you reckon that's shit or ice cream? No, someone... I think there was a segment on Rove once, wasn't it? Shit or ice cream? But no, so this suggests to me that they were in the laneway as a group, which means someone came into that back kitchen area and went, guys, you've got to come and see.

Yeah, absolutely. What's out here? Absolutely that. You've got to come out and check this confectionery slash turd. That's what happened when, I think I told you guys this, but this is what happened. You did a Dum Dum Live in Ballarat. Yes.

It was Ballarat. And I was there and I remember. We all went up on the train. It was an awesome piece of timing Where we We've done one live podcast In Ballarat There was a free Weekend of train travel Yes

So we all travelled up That's right On the train How long does the train take? About an hour and a bit Yeah 90 minutes I reckon It's a nice

It's a nice train ride You get to look at the countryside Yeah It was fucking great Because all of us went up And then None of us were driving So we all just got

Absolutely sideways Great We went blind And went to All you can eat pizza It was fucking great because all of us went up and then none of us were driving. So we all just got absolutely sideways. Oh, great. We went blind and went to All You Can Eat Pizza Hut. We turned into 16-year-olds again because we got so drunk, day drunk, that we went to All You Can Eat Pizza Hut. And we also, at one stage, were pushing each other in shopping trolleys down the main street. That's great. Really just blending in.

When we went into the All You Can Eat Pizza Hut. Just like they used to do in Cryocastle. Sovereign Hill. I went into the toilet. I needed to use the toilet. I had some brown ice cream to get rid of. And I opened the toilet. I had one third of a Neapolitan to get rid of, if you know what I mean.

The toilet bowl was filled to the brim with thick brown ice cream. Brown-flavoured ice cream. It was just shit. Like, it was literally filled to the brim with shit. And you didn't know because you walked out and went, can you tell me, is that a toilet? Did someone open up a pop-up Baskin and Robbins? I think there's a really good gelato place in there.

I didn't know they had Messina in Ballarat. It's like, you know, these new flavours often, you know, it's pretty limited palate in there, but... But no, I came back out to the table and I felt that it was my duty to announce to the table that one of

the toilet bowls was filled to the brim with human shit. I mean, that's just good manners at dinner. So they could avoid this. And Xavier, who was there, slammed his hand down on the table and just went fuck, now I've got to have a look. He was angry

that he had to look. And he walked he marched in and burst the door open. And then I heard like, oh man. And he came out and just went yeah you were right that was

such a weird thing for you to lie about as well such a weird thing I mean if you're gonna run an all you can eat restaurant you've gotta be prepared for that to be the fall

you know that must be in a place like that that sort of behaviour in the dunny must be pretty constant but what what drives me keeps me up at night, honestly,

is like because it wasn't just a bit full. So someone has gone in there and had diarrhoea and had a bad time. It didn't flush. And someone else has gone in there and gone, you know what, I've got to sit on top of this. So you don't think this was a one-man operation? I feel like... This is a collaboration.

It looked like people had just gone, you know what, I've got to do what I've got to do. Right. They thought it was like a port-a-potty, even though it wasn't. They didn't know there was a button. They didn't know it was a long... Like, this long drop has a short drop. Right. Wow.

We're a long way away from the gold Rush days, aren't we, boys? Fucking hell. Well, I guess that brings us to... We can't top that. We've got to wrap it up for another week. It says a lot about you and I's comics, Greg. We're like, well, we can't top that with these two. Let's just get out while we're on.

It doesn't matter who you've got in here. When you've got a story about a toilet filled with shit, where do you go from there? Well, guys, thank you so much for joining us. Scott Dooley, Greg Larson, have you got stuff to put? I've got nothing to sell. You've got nothing to sell? I've got absolutely...

You've got social media. Oh, yeah, no, I don't want to get cancelled. Don't care. Right, okay. When are you back in the Big Apple? I go from here, I go to Sydney, then Paris for a little bit, and then New York. Interesting. You've got a podcast?

What about your podcast? Oh, yeah, we haven't done that for a while, but it's good. Is there something in this? You should listen to it. Okay, there you go. So I'm... Can I just ask a question before we finish

I'm away from my wife for two months yes at what point do I become an incel like what's the

what's the time where you where you just cross over I mean you have a wife so have you started thinking about

video games? I've got to say, when I walked into Tommy's place, I felt at home. All right. But you voluntarily chose to come on this two-month trip. Yeah. So there's no involuntary, there's no in. So what's the point, though? I mean, maybe I'm not a good example, but what is

the point where you become like, what's the dry patch? You know, the dry spell? I think it starts from birth until 27. Oh right, it's that kind of... And then once you've had enough

like Red Bull, you just have a diet of nothing but Red Bull from 21. You know when your wife has her period, you don't become an incel in those days. Yeah, I'd rather not establish the time period because I think I'm perilously close to that. I don't want to know the official ruling. All right, so that's what you've got to plug.

Not rooting at the moment. Great. Look out for Scott and all the... Look out for a big set of blue balls somewhere. Travelling around. Greg, that Twitter account we were banging on about earlier. Yeah, yeah. At Greg M. Larson.

Before I delete it again, check out my Twitter. I have a podcast that had to go on hiatus because my computer broke guess what got a new computer oh wow he's back baby someone did a bit of a complaint letter to Intel

yeah no it was a complaint letter to Dell and Dell sorted it out good on Dell yeah alright for making a shit computer but then giving me a new one

so yeah so The Grub. It's a funny podcast with Anne Edmonds and Ben Russell and me. Three friends of the show on the podcast. Sketch comedy. We had a bit of a hiatus, but there's heaps of stuff you can listen to, and we'll be back soon within the next two weeks, I think. Great.

We're coming back. Check that out, folks. Guys, thank you very much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. that out folks um guys thank you very much for joining us and we'll see you next time see you and they've done it again whoa there's a bit of a bit of a pregnant pause there it's like very pregnant pause oh that is that you should run reality tv show or something you could have cut to an ad break then it would have been been like, holy fuck, what's happened? A few explosion sound effects in the background, those strings really swelling to heighten the tension of what I'm about to say.

About eight reaction shots of people in the room, wondering. Quickly back and forth to our eyeballs. Have they done it again? Well, I'm here to say- We're back. We're back after the ad break. Let's do that next week Let's do that

Before the episode starts Let's go And Maeve And then the episode plays And then we get to the end Our mouth agape For an hour And then

Done it again Done it again No, very fun episode Yes You know, Dooley was saying to me beforehand You know, he's always there when something fucked happens on the show. He's always in the middle of some fucked story and he's done it again.

Yeah. Yep. The King. Been a while since we've had a minute long break of us all trying to compose ourselves laughing at something. I've always wondered, I wonder, do you enjoy that as listeners? Like, I think it's so funny. Like, some people hit me up to go, I love it when you guys lose your shit.

Like, crazy. And it makes you lose your shit sort of thing. But I can imagine some people are like, why have I downloaded people laughing for a minute? I guess perhaps maybe it's the same feeling, you know, a lot of people don't like hearing the live episodes. Right. Because even if they're great, it feels like, oh, cool. Well, that's just a bunch of people in a room having fun that I wasn't in. Right.

So it could be the same thing as that. Well, that's why we, I think, I think we've always kept that in mind, which is why we've managed to make a few, like, just really shit episodes so no one's jealous of not being there at all. Yes, yes. But that being said, I would like to think that brown ice cream is funny enough that if you were just listening in the car, that's the dream is that you were laughing along with us. You know what I mean?

Like you needed the pause from content as well to compose yourself. A day later, Scott Dooley went and took a picture of that exact spot where the brown ice cream was. Did he really? Yeah. And sent it on. He put a message on my Facebook wall for my birthday a couple days ago saying, I got you a brown ice cream cake. And you liked it.

And it's like, I love this because it's not out in the world yet. It's just our little secret. Yep. Great stuff. Great stuff. All right. Quick bit of, not news, just reminders. We've got live shows coming up.

We've sold out the Melbourne show that we mentioned last week. It's only a small show for us, so that's all done. Remember to come to that. What have we got else? We've got Perth, which is sold out. That's October 13. We've got Tasmania Podcast, which is sold out in November the 23rd. But we've still got tickets to the – I think we're over half full for the live stand-up show that we're doing before that on the Saturday afternoon at 3 p.m.

Yeah. So if you're in Tassie and you want to come and make a day of it, come and make a day of it. Yep. So yeah, great, great. I think are we on a hot streak of, has nearly, has every show we've done this year been sold out? Ooh, good question. So what have we done this year? Maybe Brisbane wasn't quite, I was thinking about this last night. done this year? Maybe Brisbane wasn't quite.

I was thinking about this last night. Oh, yeah, Melbourne. Brisbane wasn't. Yeah. That was our no-seat affair. Yeah. So, yeah, that wasn't sold out. Yeah. So if we'd hired seats and just hired, like, I don't know.

That's what we should have done. We should have checked the ticket sales. My cat is absolutely inside your bag. Yeah, get out. We should have checked the number of tickets we'd sold and then just hired that many seats yes so we could technically have said sold out yeah yeah a lot of people hitting us up about brisbane we were starting to you know we were always saying brisbane's the best and we're going up there twice a year well we haven't been up there so we'll we'll look into

it sorry we haven't been we're not going to go there the end of this year so we'll look into it start of next year you can never find a fucking venue what's what's wrong with brisbane man it's so hard to find venues in brisbane you know we had a good thing going for a bit but we outgrew it and then yeah it's hard to find venues that are not too expensive that then also have seats in them because that's the last two places we've had to you pay a bit and then you have to – hiring chairs is really costly. Yeah. And, yeah, for some reason Brisbane – love Brisbane. The worst place to hire a venue. Melbourne is great. Perth is great.

Sydney and Brisbane are fucking hard. Yeah. I reckon. Yeah. So help us out. If anyone knows a Brisbane venue that can cope with a couple hundred people, that's got seats in it, that's not going to charge us through the ass, let us know. Because we do our shows on like a Saturday, Sunday afternoon.

We're not taking up prime real estate in terms of the schedule. Don't fucking sting us like absolute fuckheads. Yeah. I mean, you're right. We do need to find somewhere. But by publicly putting it out there like this, you know what this means. It's like now the inbox lights up with people going like, oh, my cousin has a shed that you could – you just end up

with the worst recommender. So legitimate, serious, central locations that are actual functioning businesses only things. Not a strip club. Not a – Not my mum's house and I can cook for you if you don't charge me to get into my own house. Not your fucking grandma's beach house.

It's only three hours away from Brisbane, but it's really nice. No, not that place. Something legitimately good in the Brisbane CBD that's easy to get to, that's got a lot of chairs, that's not going to charge us a lot. Places that you've been to and seen something and had a good time. Yes. Especially when people go, oh, this seen something and had a good time. Yes. Especially when people go, oh, this place, it's 300 seater. Yeah. I saw something there and it was really fucking shit.

Like the roof was falling in and there's no bar, but they'd probably have you. There's this place, I've never been there. I've never heard of it. I think I'm just actually making up a name. But maybe try that. Oh, Suncore Stadium? Yeah, cool.

All good shit. Yeah. If you could just, all these very funny and very fucking stupid suggestions, if you can just, I don't know, get yourself your own private Brisbane Facebook group and say them to each other rather than to us. Just get those great reactions off your fellow Brisbaneites. That would be awesome. Turn it into a bit of a comp.

Get together, you know, pitch your little joke thing to send in. Then you all vote on what the funniest one is. Then send that to us and then we know we're getting the cream of the crop. Exactly. Great. And that way we can, instead of like getting 19 joke slash shit answers and one legitimately okay

one, we can just get half half. We can just get your big king dick shithouse answer plus an actual answer. Yeah. Just go one for one. So put it together, guys, and we'll read out the winner on next week's episode. You'll get a little Dumb Dumb Club show bag and a shout-out on the episode. Yeah.

Yeah. The Dunny. The Dunny at the Dumb dumb idiot nightclub in the valley. Brisbane Bridge, because you can jump off it like the Westgate. That's you. That's you guys. Yeah, that's you guys trying to be funny to your heroes. I'm fucked.

Well, speaking of you guys and what a stupid bunch of idiots you are, thanks to everyone who contributed to my fundraiser for the Children's Cancer Institute as part of the City to Surf that I did a couple of weeks ago. The Tommy Daslow Fund. Yep. Inside the Masturbatorium. Yep. Of course, the trading name of the kids' cancer charity.

Yes, I've got a giant thermometer in there that I'm just watching kind of slowly rise every time a new dollar comes and it's actually your dick that just keeps getting harder the more money that comes i feel myself get a little more rigid and i'm like i checked the email wow 69 into the fundraiser the red rocket thermometer yeah by the way did i talk about it on here about how when you through that site i don't know if you had this with your fundraiser because the two that we've done recently, they were both through different fundraising websites. So they function differently.

My one, when you put the money in, you can click an option to make sure that the charity gets all of the money that you're putting in. You have to like put a little bit on top or whatever. I did that, yeah. Which then means that I had a lot of people attempt to put in $69 and fuck it up.

Yes. So I had a lot of $64 donations and then $73 donations. Yes. Yeah, really good. I think maybe two people managed to successfully do the maths and work out how to get $69 to show up.

I reckon yours is slightly different to mine because I think I did the same. So I chipped into your one and it was like, okay, do you want to make sure you put in enough so it gets taken – so the fees or whatever don't get taken out? And I was like, okay. So I put in like $50 to yours and then it took out like $56 or something. Yeah. And it came up as $56 on your thing.

Yeah. Which I think is different the way my one happened. Yeah, I don't quite get what it's doing. I think it's like you put in more money in it. Maybe you put in an extra $8 and then some of that is the fee. I don't know. I don't really know how it works. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But thank you for chipping in. Yes. I didn't know if you had because I saw a few Carl Chandlers come through. Oh, really? Which is clearly just people, you know, there's a lot of people playing funny buggers. Right. Pretending to be you donating. Oh, they're all me.

They're all you. Wow. You're welcome. 69 different donations. But yeah, we talked about how to catch anyone up who hasn't listened in the last couple of weeks. I then found out that they were running a competition for whoever raised the most money for the Children's Cancer Institute was going to win a trip to Queensland.

That was all the information that they had put out. On the day of the run, I was ahead of this other guy. I'd beaten him. They then the next day emailed me to go, we're extending it by two weeks. So they did a big push on the last episode. A lot more donations came in. Thank you very much to everyone who did that.

I, as it was getting closer to the cutoff date, which was this Sunday just gone, I sort of thought, because I've been monitoring this guy's page, who I was kind of neck on neck with to use the language that they used. It's kind of monitoring his page to sort of see how I was going.

And I thought, you know what? Let's keep it interesting. I'm going to chip in a little bit to it. So I chipped in a little bit anonymously and I did so. The message that I left was just a link to a website that went to this message that I had recorded. Hey, Kieran, it's me, the bitchy waiter. And I have a message for you from Tommy. He wants you to know that he donated $20.

And he says, everything won't be Rick if you don't win this holiday to Queensland. Now, I don't know what any of that means, Kieran. I really don't. From what I gather, you're in some kind of contest to win a trip to Queensland. And Tommy gave you $20. I'm not sure. I'm really not. But what I do know is I appreciate you, Kieran,

and I hope you win this trip to Queensland, wherever the hell that may be. A friend of the show, the bitchy waiter, he's back. That's great. So now you're – you are just burning money at the moment. What are you doing? That's a real joker move, isn't it? I'm twisted.

So you chucked in $20 to him and then you paid what? What's that, $20? Oh, no. I think the bitchy weight is – I think he's like $5. Oh, God. Poor old bitchy. No wonder he's so bitchy. No, he's loving it.

He's earning money the hard way. He's gotten a pretty good amount of money. You know, it's pretty funny to think that he, two weeks ago, got this weird request for him to bag out someone called Mr Comedy. And then he gets this weird request about a trip to Queensland. Little does he know that they're intrinsically linked, that they've come from the same psycho individual on the other side of the world?

Yeah, because I bet he's spending most of his days thinking about these slightly weird requests he's been getting for $5. Well, I don't know how many of these he gets, you know? He's pretty obscure. These could be the only two cameo requests he's gotten in the last three weeks. Yep. I might get in touch with him and see if we can do, if we can franchise it and do the bitchy waiter down under.

The Aussie bitchy waiter. No, yeah, the bitchy waiter down under where it's just a lot of complaining about avocado coming in late and stuff like that. It's pretty cool. The cunty waiter. Yeah, yeah. That's great. So did you hear anything back from him after that? No.

From the other guy? What's his name? Kieran. Kieran. No. I put it in anonymously. Right. Okay.

But I did yesterday get it because this is the thing. It ends on, it closes on Sunday, right? Sunday just gone. Sunday just gone. Yeah. Gets to Sunday night. I'm checking the tallies. I'm ahead by $1,500.

Great. I'm literally sitting there as the clock strikes midnight thinking, this is going to be this guy's move. You set up. You set up to try and catch Santa coming down the chimney. Holding my eyelids open. I'm sitting there. I'm waiting for it to strike midnight because I thought,

this is going to be the move. He's going to just chuck in. Oh, yeah, right. Because he'd done that already during the week. Did our listeners chuck in really last-minute stuff? Not really. There was a bit when the ep came out and I did a last – but that's the thing.

It got to Saturday and I did a bit of a last-minute push on the socials, on my socials going, come on, guys, know, this is the last chance, da da da. And I think I got one new donation off the back of it. And did you do a last minute donation as well? Like you said you were going to? I did, yeah. Yeah, right. So I was sitting there looking at it going, you know, I only got the one off the back

of giving it that last minute push. Right. So I was like, this is it. I've wrung everything I can out of this. This is the absolute final amount I can get. Yep. So anyway, gets clear. I think, cool, i think cool fifteen hundred dollars a hit right i've done it yeah thinking monday morning get up i'll get i'll there'll be a phone call there'll be something yep clock's ticking you wake up in the morning you're in queensland yeah they've drugged me in the middle of the night they've transported me there against my will.

So I get to lunchtime yesterday. Still nothing. Nothing. We're meant to be doing this. I kind of wanted to be able to say something about it. Gets to two in the afternoon. Still nothing. Gets to like 2.33.

And then I'm like, all right, this is such a lame, thirsty move, but all right, I guess I'll email them. I'm like, hey, guys. Literally my email was, hey, guys, what's the verdict? Oh, no. And got a message back from Ash in at the Children's Cancer Institute. Congratulations, Tommy, you did it. I'm going to get your holiday voucher ready to send to you. Great.

You've won a trip for two. You and one other person. Three nights at Stradbroke Island in Queensland. Well, that's not what was promised, or was it? Or no? It's, I believe, there is a resort called Co Curran Cove that is on South Stradbroke Island. Oh, okay. Which is, I think it's like a 45 minute ferry from the Gold Coast.

Right. So, yeah, I don't have the voucher yet. I still don't know exactly what the date, I guess it's just like flights and whatever up to a certain value. Great. Maybe. I don't really know how the date. I guess it's just like flights and whatever up to a certain value. Great. Maybe. I don't really know how those things work. Great. But I get to bring one other person.

Yep. Three nights in beautiful Queensland. Yep. Just checking my diary now. Yep. So just waiting to hear you say that date. I've got the diary open. I don't have a date yet.

I'm assuming maybe I get to pick. I don't know. Sorry. You get to pick the date. I thought you just said, I'm assuming I get to pick the I don't know. Sorry. You get to pick the date. I thought you just said, I'm assuming I get to pick the person who comes with me. Fuck, that would be great. That actually would be a great competition if they then go through your Facebook and they just go through all your friends and they're like, we like the look of this guy.

Yeah. You got to bring him. Or it's just they ran another charity and you you just have to team up with you these two charity winners you have to share a room it's me and it's me and kieran maybe maybe i should bring kieran along yes it hardly seems fair but i've just come in and fucked him with this dumb podcast that i do this poor guy this family man who you know we talked about this with the with the um crunchy applause thing yep you know you're lucky if you have a platform that who you know we talked about this with the with the um crunchy applause thing yep you know you're lucky if you have a platform that's you know relatively popular where you

can get on here and go come on guys and people you know answer the call yep anyone else to come close to getting that amount of money yeah you've got to fucking work your ass off like you really have to do some serious door knocking for sure it hardly seems fair that I can just turn on a mic once a week And go to it you fucking idiots I'm not even nice to them They'll do what I want Thank you to everyone for chipping in To get Tommy this holiday

Oh it's awesome And between you and me in the last month The fundraising efforts that we both did Well over $10,000 in donations to those two charities. So that's awesome. Thanks, guys. And we did chuck in as well. So, like, yeah, it's good, I think, for you to know that we're not just saying, everyone

else chuck in except for us. Yes. Oh, definitely. We're chucking in plenty. So don't worry about that. I chucked into mine three times. Yeah, yeah. Right.

Right. Just sending yourself very nice messages while you were doing it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because one of them didn't show up as part of my tally. Right. And that really annoyed me. Yeah.

So I had to go and do it again. For sure. But, yeah. So at the moment, you are the winner. So congratulations to everyone that's chucked in. You are the winner as well. Yep. Well done.

And you get to, I guess, yeah, is this going to be like a Kappa thing where Kappa got all those donations and so he had to live stream everything he did? Do you have to live stream your whole holiday to Queensland? Well, that's the thing. It feels like, yeah, there's got to be something out of this. I'm trying to work out what that is. I would love you to, I was thinking maybe you come along. Last minute potty on the Gold Coast.

You know, we'd do something. But I don't know if your schedule really allows you to be fucking off to the Gold Coast for three nights at the moment. I don't know if you know me very well. We're literally doing this episode of Talking Dumb Dumb while you've come over. At the time where my daughter usually goes to sleep, I'm the home daddy at the moment. My wife's gone back to work. So you've come over just right on 10 a.m. where daughter usually goes to sleep. I'm the home daddy at the moment. My wife's gone back to work. So you come over just right on 10 a.m. where she usually goes to sleep.

So she's come over. I put her straight to bed and we're hurriedly recording this episode before she wakes up. Yeah. She's had her breakfast. She's had her tummy. What she has.

She's had her tummy time. Well, she's had a lot of not hard foods or anything because she has been a bit backed up overnight. So a big bowl of Metamucil for breakfast. Look, I don't know everything about food. I'll say this about what babies should be eating. But every morning my wife leaves food ready for her to have for breakfast and lunch and I feed her. She had a lot of cheese yesterday and weirdly weirdly, she's all blocked up overnight. Interesting.

Yeah, she's not getting a lot of the old cheddar this morning. But she will climatize. That's my entire diet. Right. I'm fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Relatively fine. She eats really well.

But no, this morning, she's just puree, just all puree. But she's, you know. You're kind of in the golden era i guess where it's like before when you're a kid before you get before you have taste and you've worked out i don't like that yeah i'm not gonna eat that yep yeah absolutely like there she's she's into most things but then there's a few things where it's like no no you're having this and she's going oh no and i'm like no no you're having it and she's like okay right yeah so she she i think she's figured out she doesn't like some things, but she's like, I don't think there's any choice here. I don't think I get a say in any of this.

Yeah. Sweet. Interesting. Yeah. But she's all tucked into bed at the moment. So that's why I'm slightly, I guess I'm slightly keeping my voice down a little bit, but I'm praying for this. Not to get too boring into the whole parenting daddy thing, but she's a big half-hour sleeper. So I'm just praying she doesn't wake up before we get into the Patreon. Right.

Yeah. There was, this kind of harkens back to, there was maybe three years ago or something. Does it hark back or does it harken back? Hmm. That's a good question. I'm not sure. Neck on neck. David Harkenback.

Neck on neck. David Harkenback. Neck on neck. Yep. Brown ice cream. There was one of these that we did maybe three years ago or something at my old share house where for some reason we had to do it at like 1 a.m. or something while everyone was asleep. Yeah. And so we basically whispered the whole thing.

And the feedback that we got afterwards was like, it was actually really nice to listen to for once. Right. It's very calming and just a relaxed tone instead of us just screaming about Mr. Comedy. Yeah. That reminds me,

last night, we were recording this on a Tuesday morning. True. Last night, Monday Comedy Explained, as we were talking about on the episode,

on the precursor to Talking Dum Dum, on the warm-up, after talking about it the episode, on the precursor to Talking Dum Dum, on the warm-up. After talking about it last week, you know, me saying, oh, you know, I go out and try new material and I do the whole thing about, you know, tick and cross and kill myself and whatever, all that sort of stuff. Last night, I was like, oh, fuck, I better not say any of that. And then I got halfway through and was like, this episode isn't out yet.

I don't have to fucking avoid saying anything. You know what I mean? This episode isn't out yet. I don't have to fucking avoid saying anything. Oh, so you think you going, I'm trying new, is going to become your new catchphrase like duck sandwich? Yeah. I'm just waiting for this episode to come out and people are going to come down and fucking give me the shits about everything. Right, right. Last night I was like, oh, here we go.

I better not say anything to let them in or anything like that. And I was like, fuck, no one's heard this stuff yet. Yeah. This episode. We did that in advance. I forgot. like, fuck, no one's heard this stuff yet. Yeah. This episode. We did that in advance. I forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well.

That was – and it's a shame because that was your last opportunity. That was your last night as a free man. I know. I know. I know. That was your Bucks party of trying new. I know. It was good though.

Yeah. It was good though. So I appreciate my last bit of freedom. Yeah. Before people come down and go, kill yourself. Well, yeah. I mean, to quickly go back to this trip, I don't know. I don't know what the move is.

I feel like I should do – there should be something to do with this. I don't want to just go and sit on a fucking sun lounge for three days. It's got to be something. Have you looked at the resort? Yeah, I've looked it up. It looks good? Yeah. You're right.

And it's, so yeah, it's easy access to the Gold Coast. Right. So I don't know. What could I slash we do? It's a ferry, 40-minute ferry. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, all that talk about Brisbane locations, maybe it's easier in the Gold Coast.

Maybe it is. Maybe it's a lot easier. Maybe there's – because from what I hear, from what people tell me, Brisbane's all locked up by big business owning all the pubs, and they've really owned them for the pokies, and so they don't give a fuck about live shows and stuff like that. They don't care. So they're not – if we come in and go, look, we're going to have a couple of hundred people come in and drink pokies and so they don't give a fuck about live shows and stuff like that they don't care um so

they're not that you know if we come in and go look we're gonna have a couple hundred people come in and drink and whatever on a sunday afternoon they're like who cares we've got a million grannies that'll come in and chuck their whole pension into the poker machine so who gives a fuck about your little pretend radio show yeah whereas the gold coast is you know obviously a town of much better repute yeah they really care about live entertainment and their people. Yeah. So maybe it's a lot easier. It's a cultural capital.

Well, there was a point a couple of years ago when we were looking at doing a last minute thing on the Gold Coast. Yes. Do you remember that? Yes. I believe we had a venue ready to go through someone we know. So I think we could probably line something up relatively easily. So maybe what you're saying is maybe we could go up and do something as a bit of an in-between the last Brisbane podcast and next Brisbane podcast that will be in like March or something.

Yeah. So if people, we've got listeners on the Gold Coast and for the people that want to do the drive up from Brisbane. It's easy to do the drive up from Brisbane. Yeah. It's like an hour or something. Yeah. Yeah.

It's doable. You and I did a gig in the Gold Coast once. Remember that? Oh, the casino? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It was terrible.

It's awful. I think I've done that gig a couple of times and it's like, I think there was a, probably it was probably up there as one of the worst gigs in the country. Right. It was awful. It was awful. My memory of it was, I think it was a terrible gig. And I think I did okay.

I think that was right on the verge of me not worrying about jokes as much and really getting stuck into the crowd. I think it went okay, but okay in comparison to how bad the crowd was. But there was a guy particularly kicking off and yelling out and talking to his friends and yelling out in the front row. And then I talked to him and I was like, what do you do? And he goes, I manage this pub.

Great stuff. Awesome stuff. Well, maybe we could use that venue for this last minute live pod. It wasn't too bad of a venue actually. It was inside the casino. I'm trying to think because I've done it twice and I'm trying to think what was the night I did it with you. Because it's just kind of in the restaurant area, and it's free or something.

Yes. So the one time I did it, at least, was just people talking to each other the entire way through. Yeah. No one cares that the gig is on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, if you live in the Gold Coast, or you know the Gold Coast well, yeah, shoot us a suggestion. Well, maybe we could do last minute, you know, last minute one of these, last minute live one of these on the Goldie while I'm up at beautiful

Courant Cove. Yeah. And then you know what we do the next day? We take the portable recorder. Patreon episode, live from Hollywood on the Gold Coast. That's not a bad idea, actually. If we take a portable recorder and have a day at a theme park, reviewing all the rides.

Exclusive. That'd be sick. Exclusive interview with some of the Police Academy stunt team. Yes! Great. Try and get the recorder on the giant drop at Dreamworld, just to have us.

It would be, that'd be interesting. Look, because you would be a much bigger fan of the rides than me. Are you not a rides fan? No, not really. Yeah, okay. No, I'm just not that interested. Yeah, okay. I don't dislike them.

It's just not something I've ever gone, oh, I should do that. Yeah, okay. I went on, the last time I went on a ride, I was just not something I've ever gone, oh, I should do that. Yeah, okay. The last time I went on a ride, I was just like, it was like at the Melbourne show and I was like, I am fucking, you know, as soon as you get on, you're going, I wish I wasn't doing this anymore. Yeah, I mean, it almost feels like you're talking about two separate things. The rides at the Melbourne show versus like a ride at, say, Disney World,

where it's like the tech and the setup and everything is like the best you can get. You're right. You're absolutely right because I did go to Universal Studios and went on all the rides there and enjoyed it. Yeah. You're right. Yeah. Okay.

So those ones where the presentation is like good. Yeah. Even, it's fun but I would say even Movie World kind of struggles to maintain that standard. But they do have good stuff. The Lethal Weapon ride is good fun. Right. Have you ever been to the Universal Studios one? In Singapore.

Oh, in Singapore. Yeah. Right, right. Yeah. Which I think is probably, I think a lot of them, they have a bunch of the same rides. Right. Like, I think all those chain ones, they'll have ones that are all them, and then each one has, like, maybe one or two unique ones. Yeah yeah for sure but um there was some sick stuff there yeah um all right all

right much anyway thanks once again everyone uh for chipping in very much appreciated we did it victory tastes very sweet and uh yeah i guess we'll we'll update you we'll work out what we're going to do here yep what do you reckon the money goes to in terms of like a children's charity for children with cancer? What are you literally doing with that money, do you think? What's going on? Yeah. There's a lot of admin. There's some test tubes in there, surely.

I should request that I get an itemized breakdown of every dollar that's spent until they – It's like a receipt. Yeah. Until they hit the $8,800 or whatever they got in the end. Yeah. Yeah, hit them up. See if you get a response unlike Sunrise from last week. Oh, yes.

We still haven't got to the bottom of what's going on there. But, you know, I think they should be accountable to let us know who actually won. At the moment, this is very shady. I think the AOCCC or whatever they're called, they're on the verge of being called, I think. Really? We need to know who won at the very least. It's pretty fishy when we even had a man on the inside.

Yes. And we couldn't even get information even with him. Exactly. I don't want to dob him in. It's not his fault. It's not his fault at all. But I'm saying you'd think if anyone can, if even he can't get the information, something's up.

That says to me that the information is not there to be had. I'm going to have to go. I'm going to have to dig deeper. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to continue to dig, to try and get what's rightfully ours, to try and successfully turn this podcast into

just us winning competitions every week and going different places every week of the year. Trying to stay as far away from my responsibilities as a parent as possible. Yeah. Mine was a lot more satisfying in the sense that you feel a bit more in control.

Yes. It's just whoever gets the most money. There's a leaderboard there. Not having to write a little riddle and hope that someone deems it. Although I texted my dad to tell him that I'd won and he goes, he said something to the effect of, oh, wow, congrats.

And, you know, it's great that you, you know, that you did so well in the run. You know, I don't know where you get it from. I'm like, I didn't win because I did the run well. Right. Like my athletic prowess had nothing to do with it. I could have clocked a smooth seven hours on the run. You could be still walking now.

Yeah. Like, for example, like my fundraiser thing, I didn't even run in the fucking race. I ran in Newcastle. That really is taking the piss, isn't it? Like anyone else who was fundraising for that and didn't get the same result when they ran in Melbourne in the actual thing. Great. All right. All right, let's move on.

Speaking of chucking in money, you guys chucking in money, we do a thing every week where we reward people, not with a holiday, do a thing every week where we reward people, not with a holiday, but with their name being read out and you get to live forever now. I would say it's sort of a holiday. They listen to this. They take a holiday from the real world. Right. They tune out for a couple of hours. Well, if you chuck in money to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club, you get a holiday

from your senses because you get a holiday from your senses because you get a new episode, new bonus episode, you get a magazine that's put out, and you get your name immortalized on this show when we read it out absolutely randomly. You could have been subscribing for 10 years. You could have been subscribing for one day.

It really doesn't matter. It's so random. It's so random. Think of it as a holiday from common sense. Yes. Think of it as a holiday from common sense. Yes. Think of it as a holiday from regularity because it's just so random. Yeah. And not at all read out in the order of which you subscribed.

Not that. It's absolutely random. I mean, why would you single that out as something that it's not? That's just one of the million things that it isn't. Yeah. yeah yeah that's just the one that came to the top of my head um i could have i could have read out another reason that yeah that wasn't true but that was the one i just randomly it's also not hastily compiled together minutes before we turn the recorder on i mean you it's not even done um you know as you get to my house and while you're sitting there waiting to start it and me saying, can you hang on a minute while, just for no reason.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's also not quite regularly a list of people that we've already read out. It's none of, those are just three or four examples of things that it's not out of the millions. For whatever reason, this is glass half empty this week, but we've decided to rule things out that it's not this week. So they're pumping up things. Yeah. Cross them off. They're off the whiteboard and we'll get through, in future weeks, we'll

get through the other things that it's not. Yes. Great. And it's definitely not four names with a waste of a name at the end that you could be fitting another person in. Wow. Yet another thing that it's not. Yeah. All right. Enough of that. Enough playing funny buggers.

How many should we do this week? Enough of what it is. Let's get on to what it is. Yeah. How many should we do this week? I propose five. Great. Yeah.

Just because it's my lucky number Is it really? Not at all Okay So Let's crack in The great improviser It used to be my lucky number

Did it really? Yeah You changed your lucky number? Yeah I don't know if I have a lucky number I've never thought about it Yeah Well

Look I wouldn't say lucky number in that I've never used What I think is my lucky number and it's ever come up with any luck for me. It's more of a favorite number. I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right, let's crack this. Just quickly because you've reminded me of this. I saw my parents over the weekend. It was my birthday on Sunday. Happy birthday, Tommy. Thank you. I spent the day with my parents and my dad tends to get these ideas for these big emotional speeches in his head.

So as I'm getting out of the car at the end of the night, he goes, when I look at your house here and I think I can so vividly picture the whole life you've had and the things that you've done. I can really vividly remember all 33 of those years. I've got to say, honestly, in all those 33 years, the things you've done and everything, I don't think there's a single bad one in there. And I just go, Dad, I had cancer for two minutes. Like, I could see him really, like, he'd really thought about this and he really was, like, busting to get it out as I get out of the car. And then I just shit all over his nice sentiment.

But, like, come on, man, do your research. What did you think I was in hospital for? What were you doing while I was in that bed? Just tap dancing out in the hallway? Or is this a way that you find out that you didn't actually have cancer? Your parents are just those people that, like, make their kid think that they're sick so they can look after them? Is it Munchausen syndrome? Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Maybe you didn't have it after all. You just got a free laptop for nothing. Damn. My whole life's a lie. Yeah. I've based my whole identity on that.

I went bald into adulthood as a tribute to when I had chemotherapy and lost my hair. Have you got any pictures of that? I do somewhere, yeah. Fuck, you should, I mean, up to you, but you should get them out. It'd be interesting. Yeah, it was interesting. I do remember being extremely frail and thinking I was going to die and going, now this is interesting.

All right, Doc. Well, it's not boring. All right, Doc, you've piqued my interest. It's not boring. Yeah, true, true. When I got the diagnosis, I was on the verge of falling asleep, like you last night after spleen, and then all of a sudden that picked me right up. Yeah, I'll try. One thing you can't say about cancer, it's boring. Yeah, that's true. I'll try it. Well, I mean, I will. Well, to

be fair, when you're the one that has it, it is extremely boring because it's a lot of just like sitting around in a bed doing nothing. I'll try and get a photo. The problem would be that I'd have to text my parents and go, can you please send me a scan of a photo Of me at my absolute sickest with no hair Because I want to put it out to the listeners Of my comedy podcast That's something You could set up in a better way than that

I'll ask You go round to your parents' house still You can find it, can't you? I haven't been round there for a while. I mean, yeah, I could go looking for it. I do know for a while when I was sick, I had like a tube that came out of my chest because I was having transfusions and stuff so often

that if you're in that position, they just put a thing in you so that they don't have to give you like a needle every time they do it because you're having it so regularly. So when I got better, they pulled the tube out. And so that was when I was 12.

And then when I was maybe, I think, 23 or 24 or something, I was cleaning out some stuff at my parents' house in my dad's study. And I found he still had the tube. Like, he'd held on to it. It's like some kind of fucked memento. Yeah, it's something. It's so weird. Like, what are you going to do? Resell this?

You know, I've got to have Tommy's Cancer Corner during Talking Dumb Dumb. We haven't really talked about it that much, about what you literally did, like how it was. We do make a lot of jokes about it, to the point where I would not blame anyone who listens to this who literally just thinks it's a bit that we

did. Like I didn't have it, and it's literally a joke that we can't put on the show. Totally. Look, we'll be back next week with more Tommy's Cancer Corner. Yeah, what do you want to know? We'll do an AMA. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Maybe that could be a Patreon episode.

Cancer. Cancer AMA. Live at Ronald McDonald's house. That's just us at McDonald's. It's technically the same thing. And this stuff gives you cancer, so you know. It's the circle of life, baby. All right.

So, Patreon, thank you to all the people that chipped in to not get us a holiday to Queensland, but we could take a holiday to Queensland with this money. We can do whatever we want. Yeah, it all adds up. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Matt Everett. Oh, I thought you were going to say Everest. No. I was excited about that. I'm more excited by Everett.

Everett. Yeah. I don't know. I'd be more excited by Everest. What is it about Everett that's got you so excited? That's got you so juiced up? Well, for the older listeners, I guess, there used to be a show on the ABC when it was the absolute golden years, in my opinion, on the ABC where you would have, you know,

the goodies and Doctor Who and all that sort of stuff. It was a show called The Kenny Everett Video Show. Okay. And it was right in the right time for me where you're growing up, you're discovering comedy and this fucked show called Kenny Everett Video Show. It was right in the right time for me where growing up, you're discovering comedy and this fucked show called Kenny Everett Video Show. That is a name that's very of its time.

Yeah, yeah. Video show is like a, is it tautology or whatever it is? Not quite, I don't think. What's the thing where it's like you've said the same thing twice, kind of? Yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. But that's, I don't think that's quite.

Well, anyway, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. But that's, I don't think that's quite. Well, anyway, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But it was, it was one of those shows that I think was great back then as a kid and back back then, but it would be absolutely horrendous now.

Right, right. I think it was verging on Benny Hill material. Right, right. Yeah. Is it one of those things that now you can't find anywhere? I reckon you could find it, but I reckon it'd date really badly. Right. So, it was like, at the time, the goodies was great and I think you could find it, but I reckon it'd date really badly. Right. So, it was

like, at the time, the goodies was great, and I think now you watch it and go, oh, it's okay. Yeah, I guess there's, they still tour and stuff, don't they? Like, there are still people that jizz their little pants over the idea of any of the goodies doing anything. Yes, yes.

Kenny Everett, not so much. I think he died of AIDS, so, not so much. I think he died of AIDS, so not so much. Right. But. What? That therefore means the show wasn't funny? No, no, no. He doesn't tour as so much as the goodies.

Ah, right. Not as much. Yeah. Not more. That's for sure. But, yeah. If anyone's watched it recently, let me know, because I feel like it would definitely have aged very, very bad.

What was the format? I think it was all sketch and stuff. Okay. But it was this guy who was like obviously very, very gay, but in hindsight, but me as a kid, did not know he was gay. Right. In the time when it's like... This is late 70s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And also he had a lot of girls with like no clothes on on the show classic and but him sort of like being very sort of almost a bit lecherous towards it and it's like and it's like at the time you're going okay this all makes sense and then in hindsight you go why is this very gay man pretending he's really getting off on girls and bikinis like it's a smoke screen yeah that's how he throws you off the set yeah but like every other part of him he's absolutely not throwing you off the scent but i guess maybe he thinks like well if i just ogle this woman yeah then that's gonna distract them and i can do whatever else i want yeah as long

as i've got the cover of looking at a woman yeah i can be wearing like the arseless chaps and everything else yeah yeah totally uh anyway that was uh that was that was right in the middle of like, yeah, Doctor Who, the goodies, all that sort of stuff. You know, that was the golden years of, you know, when you're growing up, you're discovering comedy, all that sort of stuff. It was like all in a row from about 5.30 to about 6.30 or 7 o'clock on the ABC. Yeah. What's your comparison?

What's your... Oh, good question. So, I guess, well, that specific time slot, like late afternoon ABC. Well, whatever was that bit where you'd really look forward to it, whether it was Saturday morning cartoons or that during the afternoon. Probably my favourite... Well, all the Nickelodeon stuff was really kicking off when I was a kid, when I was like, I guess, primary school.

So like Rocco's Modern Life was a favourite. I loved that. Rugrats was another good one. And I think they would kind of, did you ever have this where it was like they would just get to the end of the episodes that they had in the bank of a certain show and then the next day you'd tune in and something's replaced it? Yes. That used to, because you never knew it was coming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you'd just get home, you'd be like, boy, howdy, I can't wait to watch Rocco's Modern Life. Yeah. And then you turn it on and it's fucking Widget the World Watcher. Right. Which was one of, like, when I was a kid, it was like the era of, like, these cartoons that had a bit of a social conscience.

Right. So there was that and then there was Captain Planet, where there'd be, like, a fucking little message, a little lesson about how to recycle at the end. And it was like, I've just gotten home from school. This is veg out time. Don't try and wedge lessons in here. The fucking gore. I've just been slaving away learning the five times table.

And then now I've got to listen about fucking the ozone layer. Yeah. Give me a break. Go and fetch me a fucking Milo. I'm taking my shoes off, putting my feet up. Fucking tune out time. Mother, fetch me a Milo, please. Yeah, and especially like being into animation and stuff.

Yeah. And like, you know, when you're a kid and you, stuff that you'll end up being really into, you don't quite know the ins and outs of it yet, but it still does register in a kind of small way. Yep. So, being really into like the animation style of like the Nickelodeon stuff, like, you know, Rocko's Modern Life and Ren and Stimpy and all that kind of stuff. Yeah.

And then seeing Widget the World Watcher and Captain Planet, which was this like really janky, shitty sort of animation. And just being like, something's off here. This sticks out. This isn't as good. This isn't as fluid. This hasn't been done with as much something you can just tell. There's not as much passion here.

It's just designed by committee. It was interesting, like you said, when there would be a cartoon that you'd love, and all of a sudden it would finish. And a new one that you'd never heard of would pop up, and you'd be like a little six,'d love and all of a sudden it'd finish and a new one that you'd never heard of would pop up and you'd go, and you'd be like, like a little six, seven year old critic going, well, let's see how they follow this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's see. And you get one or two episodes in and you go, oh, this, this is no Rubik the Amazing Cube. Okay. Is that an actual show? Yes. Tight. And what is a Rubik's Cube?

Yeah. Just like a walking, talking Rubik's Cube. Fuck yeah. How have I never heard about this this this sounds sick and at the end of the theme tune i think it was like just like you get to the end of the song and then he he would go my name is rubik so chase that up yeah that's great yeah we should do a little dum-dum club childhood film festival where we just play our favourite episodes of our stuff from when we were 10

yeah there's stuff I you know that's look I've got better shit to do clearly but I should look up some of this stuff

that I used to like I mean I'm sure there's heaps of Kenny Everett on YouTube yeah there's heaps of cartoons I fucking absolutely loved back then

oh fuck what was that show there was a show I loved but back then you know you can't google anything now you ask a question right now i'm i'm googling it right now but back then there was like these shows that i would scour through the the tv guide for every week just to try and find if they would ever come on again oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and there was no

other way of doing it you just i would just literally have to go through. And there's happened to me these weird shows, not like the A-Team or Night Rider, where it's like, okay, they're going to get prime placement. They're going to get 7.30 at night on a Friday night. There was two shows I fucking loved that I would just scour forever because I would never give them a good time slot. Leonard Nimoy, he hosts a show called In Search Of.

That's very rare back then where you'd get into the paranormal or the weird sort of stuff. It's a whole... That's a fucking majority of culture these days. Oh, yeah. Weird fucking bullshit. I used to love Unsolved Mysteries. Yeah, yeah. Which was either...

Robert Stack. Yeah, which was either some guy's been abducted by... Claims to have been abducted by an alien. Yeah. Or this guy killed his wife. Yes. It's just like Crime Stoppers in the middle of shit about Bigfoot and whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like all crimes, all mysteries are under the same umbrella. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Search Of was great and it was back when you didn't know anything about the Bigfoot and UFOs and they would present stuff and you'd go, fuck fuck this is probably real uh so i love that show in search of and there was another show there was like not super friends but there was another show like that but it was like clearly like a home brand super friends like you know like dc um oh yeah yeah and all that bullshit they just made up their own great superheroes that was sort of but it was funny though it was really funny.

Really? I've got to fucking find out. If anyone knows what that show was, it was something called The Massive Friends or The Power Friends or something. Someone's got to know the answer to this. Someone in a basement right now is just racing over to the laptop

to fire this up on the Facebook page. CC, attention all nerds, if I can hit me up, one of you guys will know this. It was like a cartoon in the, I reckon the late 70s or something. Interesting. Mid to late 70s

it would have been made. It was a funny version of like a superhero group. Right. Please hit me up. Right. All right. I wonder if it holds up.

Exactly, that's what I want to know. Just so I can Google it and find out if it's on YouTube or something. I think Rocco up does it rocco's funny rocco's not that that long ago no and i guess it's it's kind of of that era like i guess maybe when you were growing up cartoons there was a bit more of a like i don't know it's a bit more of a sausage factory of just like yeah yeah lots of hannah barbara yeah where they're not there's not whereas in the 90s there was that thing of like the kind of creator-driven show of just one guy with his idea of like, well, I think this is really funny.

So it's not just like, let's just put some bright colors on. It's like, let's try and make this actually good. And totally, when I was growing up, it was like, you're not even watching completely super new cartoons then because it's like, you know, the very early 80s. So you're still watching, you know, when you early 80s. So, you're still watching, you know, when you watch a 10-year-old cartoon now.

Well, I was watching like 10-year-old cartoons. You're watching stuff in the late 60s as well. Yeah. Like early 70s, mid 70s, and late 60s. They had like the Beatles

animated cartoon. I should watch that. No, I think I have looked that up before and that does not hold up. I think that's quite shitty actually. I want, I was thinking about that the other day.

I want that to come back. Like the idea of like a big band then having an animated show or like teaming up with Scooby-Doo or whatever. Get Radiohead. I guess the equivalent is probably like bands

being on The Simpsons. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Is probably the extent of it or like Bex in an episode of Futurama. Right. That would be funny if it was Radiohead.

Yeah. Just them. Just like in the, you know, equivalent of the mystery machine driving around solving mysteries, but like without absolutely irony free. Yeah. And it's them, Scooby-Doo, Hong Kong Phooey and the Harlem Globetrotters.

Yes. All traveling around. All stuck on Gilligan's Island. Doing the monster mash. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Yes. All traveling around. All stuck on Gilligan's Island. Doing the monster mash. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Matt.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mitch Moritz. Ooh. I like a Moritz, the beer. Oh, yeah. Love it. Big fan of it. I did not think of that. Is that a heavy beer?

I think it's pretty light. I don't think it's too bad. Right. Because I'm not a big fan of heavy beers. Yeah, me neither. Yeah. What's, I mean, this is slightly going sideways, but what's your favorite cocktail? Oh, good question.

I really, you know what, it's funny because I think the last two years we've been in Koh Samui, I've been kind of hooked on one cocktail. And I think it's been a different one every time. And because I don't think about cocktails outside of that environment. So I get back there and I go, what was the one I was drinking last year? And then I think this year I was going hard on the pina coladas. And I think that's only because someone bought me one on the first night. They were like, here, have this. And I was like okay oh this is delicious yeah i'm just gonna have

these all all week now yeah yeah yeah so probably that right but yeah i don't know what about you i did have one pina colada when you were getting them they were looking pretty good and i had one and was like oh i don't think it was quite for me uh the problem is they go down way too easy right so i had to start cooling it on them because it's just like it's just like a nice sort of milky drink yeah and it's just going down like just a meat you know getting too fucked on them i don't think i'm a big fan of the milky cocktails right i think what i have is i have a lot of Long Island iced teas. Oh, yeah.

And I quite like the Caponura. Is that what it's called? I don't know. Cap. People know what I'm talking about. Anyway, whatever that one is. I think it's got lime and stuff like that in it. Oh, yeah.

Whatever it is. Yeah, it's quite nice. Man, that's the cool thing. That's one of the cool things about being over there is that, you know, over here, you're not taking any risks on cocktails because they're fucking $22 or something stupid. Yeah, yeah, true. Over there, they're like a couple of bucks. It's like, cool, bring me three I've never heard of.

Yeah. And if I take one sip and it's shit, who cares? If I ever am going to have one, it's more of a case of I'll just kind of look through the menu and see what ingredients take my fancy. I don't really have a go-to. I mean, a pina colada is a good example of something like I probably would never drink one in the city. To me, it's now so tied to sitting on the beach. It's like coconut milk and stuff.

It's like I'm not drinking that in the middle of winter in a crowded bar. I want to be on a sun lounge. I did that last night so i got a cocktail last night and i never do that around here here he is fuck it i'll get one and uh i had it and it was like the uh uh aperol spritz oh yeah and because i had a lot of them when i went to italy uh two years ago i do like an aperol spritz oh i was having heaps of them in italy that was great yeah and i had one last night it was like that'sperol Spritz. Oh, I was having heaps of them in Italy. They were great. Yeah. And I had one last night.

It was like, that was shit. Really? I don't know whether it was the drink itself was shit or the fact that I was just drinking it in cold Melbourne. True. At a dive bar. Yeah. I was like, oh, this is fucking dumb. So, yeah.

I'll save them for Ital. I do like an espresso martini every now and then. Oh yeah. If I'm feeling like I need a little bit of a pep me up. Out with the girls?

Yeah, big white girl move, big basic bitch move, get on the espresso martinis. Just after maxing out your Maya One card, just going for an espresso martini. Yeah,

after I've just taken the personal trainer home and bonked his brains out. Great. Thanks, Mitch. Thanks, Mitch. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Madeline Noir. Oh, wow.

Is this name written in black and white? It really is. Madeline Noir. What a mysterious name. Madeline Noir madeline noir noir i'm into this black maddie yep in some cultures sure well noir means black yeah yeah yep that's fine um i like this i really like this very sophisticated yeah and going with madeline as well yeah it's it's like some sort of some sort of uh vampy sort of character in some movie don't you think madeline noire it's it is a bit of a case of like a real name that if you if a character had it in a movie

you'd be like come on yeah yeah it would stick out it'd be like do a second draft of this yeah i can't think i can't get it out of my head that madeline noir is walking out with a cigarette in one of those cigarette holders yes yeah yeah yeah how does those cigarette holders work anyway i don't know so you got the cigarette on the end of it and then you got the huge fucking pipe thing yeah that goes thin into your mouth and you're just still sucking just a normal cigarette through that big fucking hose thing yeah i guess like a tiny little bong bring it bring him back you bring him back no you bring him back i would i would honestly respect it if i saw someone you know out out in the street you know break at a comedy show going out for a dart with the big fucking Cruella de Ville just going for it. 10.30am at work.

Yep. Sorry, I've got to go out and punch a dart. You go out with a cigarette holder. The construction site over the back of my fence, which for long-time listeners, is still going. Great. How long has that been? Get the fuck away.

Tommy's saying that to my cat and all my baby, by the way. It started right after I moved in and I moved in over a year ago. So it's been, what are we now? We're near the end of August. So I reckon it's been 14 months at this point of continuous construction work. And you look at it and it's like, there's still a long way to go with this. But anyway, if I looked over that back fence, bunch of blokes in high-vis, just with the cigarette holder going for it,

ice break in one hand, cigarette extend in the other. Espresso martini. Espresso martini in one hand. That's great. In a thermos. Yep. I mean, it's in

It's in East Melbourne Which is There's a lot of nice Kind of upmarket-y Kind of houses around me Yeah You know They would be

They would be kind of fitting in In the area Yep I imagine there's a lot of that behaviour Going on behind closed doors Near where I live Yeah and exactly You know what

It's been sort of weird for too long People in high-vis You know those guys Are making a lot of money Yeah You know Why don't you Boys why don't you act like it?

Yes, exactly. Don't be getting a sausage roll on a fucking Big M. Yep. Yeah, get onto an espresso martini and a cigarette in your fucking cigarette holder. Oh, look, I mean, eat and drink whatever you want. You know, you taste to your taste. But wear a top hat while you're doing it. Yeah.

You know? A top hard hat. So it's the exact same material, but it just goes up a bit further. Yeah. You know? A top hard hat. So it's the exact same material, but it just goes up a bit further. Yeah. And it's got more of a brim. Yeah. It's still yellow and everything. It's just a stovepipe hard hat.

That's a really good point. It's like we sort of socially and I guess culturally, the high vis is kind of tight, you know, for a lot of people mentally tied into like a certain sort of person. But you're right. They're earning good money. They're earning excellent money. It's a bit like the opposite of like putting on airs, you know.

It's like this little affectation. Yeah. Don't be trying to fool us. Yeah. Yeah. Don't be acting like you're the common man. You're making more than us. So it should be – it's like in a movie when you see people and it's like they're trying

to show this party is like high society and it's like everyone wearing a tuxedo. Yeah. They should just all be in high vis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We should, because we're doing, because we're comedians and we're doing nothing, you know, basically no work. We should be wearing low vis uniforms.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So how would you, yeah. So. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. So, how would you... Yeah, so that makes us harder to see. Yeah. Because we're ashamed. So camouflage.

Yeah, we don't want to be known as comedians. So we should just be in army fatigues the whole time. Yeah. We blend into our surroundings. No, because we're not in the jungle. Yeah. So we should be wearing just... I guess that's what a lot of comedians wear black and stuff anyway. Yeah.

That is... Yeah. That is low-vis. Yeah. We've just invented this thing that already... We've just given it the name. Yes. Yeah.

Right. It's just mentally deeply ingrained in you. It's not like you're aware that you're doing it, but you're like, I have to blend in. Because comedians are at night, and if you're wearing black at night, that's low-vis. And often the curtain that you're performing in front of is black. Yes. So I just want to... Yeah. I'm so ashamed. I'm ashamed. that you're performing in front of is black. Yes. So I just want to...

Yeah. I'm so ashamed. I'm ashamed. Yet we're in front of a spotlight. Yeah. I might make that my new opening

when I do gigs. God, I'm embarrassed. God, this is embarrassing. Imagine doing this. Just for a minute. Imagine being me right now. That was my opener for a little bit.

I could never do what these guys do. All right. Thanks, Madeline. Thanks, Madeline. Good name. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Nick McGuire. Oh. I wonder.

Oh, what do you wonder? I wonder if this is any relation to the great Eddie McGuire. Oh, no. I spelled differently. Oh, what do you wonder? I wonder if this is any relation to the great Eddie Maguire. Oh, no, I spelled differently. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you don't think he's related? I don't think they're, no. I don't think they are.

I'm sure we've talked about this before, but it would be great if you had two people who had a surname, basically the same surname but spelled differently, but then they were related through being like cousins or marriage or whatever. Yeah. That would be cool. That would be a cool coincidence, don't you think? Oh, yeah, right.

Yeah. There's now like, I think we used to be the only Chandlers in town in Maribor, but now there's like other Chandlers. So it was a one Chandler town. Yeah, exactly. But now there's like other chandlers

and it's like and people are like oh, you know, you're related to those guys. It's like, no. Wow. That's fucking weird because it's not

the most common name. And Mirabar is only like 8,000 people or something. Yeah. So I'm just keeping an eye on the bedroom door

where my child is and my cat loves the idea of scratching on the door and waking up. My cat, Crunchy, cannot stand the idea of one door being closed in the entire house. Right, right. Because it's like, well, what am I missing out on here? What the fuck's in here?

It could be fucking raw chicken in here. I better scratch on this door until it opens and then I decide, oh, that's right, that's just the toilet. Okay, everything's cool here. I'm off again. door until it opens and then I decide, oh, that's right, that's just the toilet. Okay, everything's cool here. I'm off again. And she's back. Yeah, she's back. She's getting into a box with bottles.

Is that bottles of wine or something? Yeah. There's a full box of wine here for some reason. I can't remember why. I think there were freebies. Because you're not coping. No. You didn't escape every night.

I think there were freebies off someone. I'm not sure why. You didn't escape every night. I think they were freebies off someone. I'm not sure why. Oh, yeah. Some sort of giveaway, some sort of competition giveaway or something. Oh, that's cool. I didn't win it, though. Oh, okay. I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck it was. Maybe the baby won it. Maybe. Imagine that. I mean, people suggest that. Imagine entering my baby into a baby competition. Some sort of like... I mean, after the whole Crunchy Gate thing and everything last year

and then now people do pop up on the socials and there'll be some bonds, you know, babysit. And it's like, it would be funny, but it's a step too far. Yes, I agree. There's no coming back. I agree. I agree. I can't get her into that.

I can't get her into my world quite yet. Yeah. It's too crazy. And also I'd get way too pissed off if she lost. into my world quite yet. Yeah. It's too crazy. And also, I'd get way too pissed off if she lost. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You win bananas enough over the cat. Exactly. And about this fucking

Sunrise Coast Samui thing. What if my blood is involved in this? Yeah. I'd fucking lose my mind. Did you have any of those feelings about the potential of me not winning my fundraiser? How dare you do this to my beautiful Tommy? Yeah, I did think that. I was just composing a complaint letter just before.

Sending a complaint letter to the Children's Cancer Institute. I'll tell you who the real cancer is. You, cancer. Yes. That'd be great Nick McGuire Nick McGuire Yeah It's a pretty strong name

It's alright Yeah I don't feel If I was born with it, I'd be like, that's fine I'd be fine with it Yeah It's not I don't think it particularly goes one way or the other

But that's fine That's what some people want It's pretty smooth Pretty streamlined name I think it's a bit of a low-vis name yeah yeah it's not boring but it's also not you know leaping out um he's got the initials nm uh which reminds me of someone i went to school with had a crush on someone with the the initials nm which you know just just for any girls out there, this is just a look inside the teenage boy's mind.

The male psyche. The male psyche. Yeah, exactly. A friend of ours had a crush on a girl with initials NM, which then turned into, oh, you love her. NM, NM. Num Nums. Hey, Num Nums.

You love Num Nums. Everyone. He loves Num Nums. And then this girl became Num. You love num-nums. Hey, everyone. He loves num-nums. And then this girl became num-nums for like a year. The fucking worst. And then she cops it, being called num-nums, just because someone that we know happens to like her. Yeah.

And did they ever end up getting together or anything like that? I'm not sure. I don't really know. I was hoping that was at least the happy end of the story. Yeah. Look, I think it might have happened, which maybe I think less of her because of that. Because like,

what do you want to get involved in anything that has produced a story like that where you become num-nums to everyone? Yeah, but I mean, I guess, I guess at least in a way it sort of then justifies it. It's like this has made it okay because we got together. Otherwise, it's like all this bullshit was just for nothing. So if you –

You're potentially maybe going to find love out of it, you know? If you were in school and all of a sudden, hypothetically, if you were ever in school and then all of a sudden you hear of this story where this girl has had a crush on you and all of a sudden you hear of this story where this girl has had a crush on you and all of a sudden because of that all of her friends have gone, Tommy Dastardly, TD, Tiny Dick. Hey, everyone, Tiny Dick. Look at fucking Tiny Dick over this face.

And you go, cool. So who's this girl? Well, okay, that's slightly different. But, well, I mean, if you want to flip it and it be a guy that that's happening to, I do think if the girl was, you know, if the girl was just attractive anyway, if I was just already attracted to her, it's like that's not going to, a nickname isn't going to scare me off. Yeah, yeah.

You know, I'll do anything. Yeah, exactly. You know? Exactly. It's like. And I'm like, that way with the nickname, I've gotten in front of the message. You know, it's already out there. Right.

So it's like then when push comes to shove, so to speak, she can't be like, what the hell is this? Like, well, you had fair warning. Yeah, yeah. You made the warning. Yeah. I thought you'd seen it in the bathroom or something. I thought that's what you liked about me. No, that was a joke. warning. Yeah. I thought you'd seen it in the bathroom or something. Yeah, yeah. I thought that's what you liked about me. No, that was a joke.

Oh. Yeah. That's what you... I actually had it reduced because of the nickname you made up. I thought, well, I can't be shocking you with this fucking huge girth thing. This four-inch monster. Yeah. Better shave a couple of inches off.

I'd put it in the pencil sharpener and not give any palpitations. Get the shrink ray out. Yeah. Fuck, what was I going to say about that? What was I going to say about a school-aged boy having a tiny dick? No, no, no. No, but that goes back to the

whole thing of like, you know, guys in comedy all do without doubt, all do extremely way better for themselves with the fairer sex than girls do. And it's unfair, but there's not really much you can do about it. But never been girls in comedy that go, oh, yeah, I was struggling, but then I got into comedy and all of a sudden I'm getting tans coming my way. It just never happens.

It's true, but I just think that's common. I think that's common across a lot of avenues in life. I think there's a lot of hideous doctors with hot wives. Absolutely. There's a lot of hideous... Anyone who's, I guess, good at what they do or there's something attractive about what they do as a man is going to be – I don't think that's like a unique to comedy thing.

No, no, no. But you're right. But it never goes – yeah, it never goes the other way. It goes. So there's – I reckon it's the worst example of like, you know, girls are attracted to profile or something interesting or, you know, even money much more than guys, which guys are just as stupid in that, you know, like a girl will go out with a guy that's like a four that's a doctor or a millionaire or whatever it is. Yeah. It's like, okay, that's just how that works. Yeah. Whereas a guy will meet a stunning girl who's homeless or a mass murderer and go, yeah,

but I've seen her legs. Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah. But I guess the difference with what I was saying about how that's common across everything, the thing that makes that different with comedy is that it's like, okay, a successful doctor, a successful lawyer, you know, some women are going to gravitate to that because it's money. It means a degree of wealth.

Whereas just a man that does comedy, a woman might be attracted to him when he's still an open mic-er and there's absolutely no potential for him to ever fulfill the basic needs whatsoever. I completely agree. That's why I said it's the worst example it's like a doctor okay uh prestige money or millionaire money a comedian it's like oh that's so interesting because he's up there on stage it's like that's the worst version of that it's

like no hot girl sees a man in a shop buying a stethoscope yeah who's like you know 19 and goes oh yeah this is gonna pay off someday yeah. This is attractive that he's into this. Just the worst version of someone appearing impressive. Some sort of profile. It's comedy. The fucking absolute worst version of it. Yeah. Terrible.

But, hey, thanks everyone out there. Thanks all the girls out there that are impressed by that. Thanks all the beautiful women that want to bet us every week. Yeah. Thanks for all the people that don't throw in money every week, but that mail their underwear to us every week. I appreciate that. Yeah.

Thank you. Thanks, Nick. Thanks, Nick. Time for one more. Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. I mean, the baby's not, doesn't sound like the baby's woken up. We could do a few more if you want.

I reckon, look, I told the baby's not... It doesn't sound like the baby's woken up. We could do a few more if you want. I reckon... Look, I told the baby, I told Blanket... Okay. ...that we'd probably do five. Right. You know, I sort of thought that's about... So you think she's timing her sleep to that? I kind of thought that's...

She's sleeping... She's a bit of a five-name sleeper at the moment. Yeah, right, right, right. So I thought, well, I let her know. I was like, don't worry. You can go for a sleep. As usual, five names. You won't miss out on anything.

You won't wake up in the middle of a seventh one and interrupt the show, which is what she's worried about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She doesn't want to wake up and ruin this. She respects the content. Yeah, exactly. Maybe when she's a bit older,

we'll have enough time to come in here and do 10, 15, 20 names. Yeah. Maybe. At the moment, I'm like, hey, those rusks aren't free. Yeah. They're paid for by the Patreon dollar.

Mm-hmm. So just sleep, five names, and you can hop up again. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. I'm not sure we've ever...

One of these names is familiar and one's not. Anyway. Yeah, right. So here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, NumNumsComedy. Huh. Yeah, we've had and one's not. Yeah, right. So here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber NumNumsComedy. Huh. Yeah, we've had NumNums before. Yeah, but comedy.

Yeah. That's weird. That's a fresh one. That's like, do you think that's real? Comedy? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Is that, what country is that from?

Is that, that's not, that... What country is that from? Is that... That's not Greek, is it? That's more... No. That's more German. I think that's more German. Is it? It sounds more German.

Probably German. Yeah. It's probably German. It's probably German. I think comedy. I think the Germans. Yeah, exactly. Done some good shit over the years.

Some real capers. Some real out-of-the-box stuff where you go, oh, you're just doing this for a laugh, surely. Yeah. You can't be serious. Yeah. That's some silly stuff. You're just aiming for a reaction.

Yeah. This is a farce. Yeah. This is an absolute farce. You can't do that. That's just... Yeah. I thought Fawlty Towers was some silly stuff, but this takes the cake. Yeah. This is an absolute farce. You can't do that. That's just... Yeah. I thought Fawlty Towers was some silly stuff, but this takes the cake.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's PC gone mad. That's what that is. Fucking hell. Yeah. Thanks, Num Nums. Thanks, Num Nums. And thanks, everyone who subscribes and supports the show.

We really appreciate it. Oh, and off the back of that, we talked about that a few weeks ago. I did put up on the social medias that the baby naming book comprised purely of the first names of people who have subscribed over the years to Patreon and had their names read out. So that's a massive big list of all the first names so if you're and it seems like there's quite a few people expecting a baby at the moment so please i would love that if you went through if you found a name in there that that struck your fancy and you end up naming a baby after someone who subscribes to this show let me know and so i can so I can tell the person.

We can make that connection and you can know that you've been named after – a child has been named after you. Maybe we can get them both on the line and interview them on Talking Dumb Dumb. Yeah. Yeah, and great work by you compiling that. I looked through the list and it made me feel sick. First of all, picturing the amount of time you would have put into it and And also just seeing an immediate visual reflection of the amount of hours that we've spent of our life just talking about names was very confronting. And it was all purely done as Blanket was lying on the floor. You've got a five-minute window before she starts screaming.

And it's me playing with a doll with one hand and then copy and pasting and deleting stuff with the other hand yeah and just like five minutes a day was about all i could do before going fucking crazy it's funny how time sneaks up on you because in my head we haven't been doing this for that long yeah so when you're like oh it's taking me ages i'm like yeah what there's like 30 names in there yeah how's it taking this long and then it's like you scroll through the list it's like, we have done fucking heaps of things. There's so many doubles in there. Like, you know,

all the common names. Yeah, right, right, right. Like, you know, John or Comedy or,

you know, stuff like that. There's a lot of doubles. Dime a dozen. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So,

there's more than that. All right. Thanks, everyone. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for links to the Patreon. If you would like to support the show, very much appreciated by us. Also, our upcoming LittleDumbDumbClub.com for links to the Patreon. If you would like to support the show, very much appreciated by us.

Also, our upcoming shows and stuff are on there. We've got merch for sale. Get on the social medias. Join up on our Facebook, on our Twitter, on our Instagram. Also, have a think about when you hear an episode and you think, oh, man, that was a really good one. Send it to a friend. Grow the base. A lot of people tend to sort of go they there's a live show they want to come to the

live show and then they think oh fuck i don't have anyone to go with some people i only want to go to live shows with other people yeah well you know what grow grow us for us and for you um send episodes to your friends and the next time we come to your town you you know they might want to come along with you yeah i mean there's plenty of episodes that are easy enough for someone. I reckon this one's probably a good one. Yeah. If anyone hasn't heard it before. But when you're listening, even in the next couple of weeks, if you hear a good one, you

think, that was a fucking good one, you know. Send that one on to your mate. Yep. Thanks heaps, guys. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates.