The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 465 - Georgie Carroll & Adam Knox

Episode Date: September 4, 2019

This week we're following up on our consumers rights with ADAM KNOX and GEORGIE CARROLL! We've been trying to get any kind of compensation from Peroni for our half empty bottle of beer from last week. Have we been successful? Also, we take a deep dive on the history of pizza in Maryborough, we discuss the best jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and Tommy has an update on his free holiday to Queensland. PLUS! In Talking Dum Dum, we debut the first edition of Cancer Corner.MELBOURNE! We're doing a small live podcast quite soon. September 13, 8:30pm.PERTH! We're coming back with our yearly massive show. October 13, 4pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Georgie Carroll and Adam Knox. We have a bunch of tour dates coming up. You can find all that show information at littledumbdumbclub.com. We will be back at the end of the episode to talk to you a little bit more in a little segment that we call Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new episode with great guests Georgie Carroll and Adam Knox. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, Dickhead. Let's get these guests in and I'll give you A bit of update On last week Let's get these What are they called again Guests Into the show Don't say the R word Don't say the R word

Well you know You should prove yourself Before I call you guests Let's see what you've got Well we've been invited back Who are these people Joining us today Welcome into the show

Georgie Carroll And Adam Knox. Yes. Fucking Jesus, come, let's do our jobs. Let's do it. Fucking hell. I haven't done it for guests. Yeah, they've been very hospitable.

Where's our coffee? That's a great point. Where's our coffee? It's not my house, don't look at me. You can have a coffee if you want, it's 11.30 at night. No, it's all right, mate. I can get up and make you a pot of joe. Traditionally, people just offer these things.

You want a coffee. Don't you have to get up really early tomorrow morning? You were just telling me that. Why do you want a coffee now? It's never really affected me, coffee. It's just nothing affects me. Then why have it? Because it just tastes nice.

Just tastes nice. Why have a juice? Why have anything other than drugs? Yes. Yes. Speaking of drugs, last week on the show, speaking of offering drinks, we did offer our guests drinks last week.

We offered them beers. I think that's why I haven't done it again because I was so burnt by last week's experience. I had a negative experience. Exactly. If you don't know the negative experience last week is that we got halfway through the show. I pulled out a beer.

It was a half empty beer but it was sealed or was it half full? yeah well I think you know me enough by now I know you enough to know the answer

that's why I gave it that answer this only has one fifth of a beer in it which is even less than is even there so a half empty no you know what it was about two thirds

really? beer it was a pissy portion yeah if we're honest it's like you got your McDonald's chips and most of them had spilled in the bag and someone handed you No, you know what? It was about two thirds. Really? Beer. It was a pissy portion. Yeah. If we're honest. It's like you got your McDonald's chips and most of them had spilled in the bag and someone handed you half a cup. Oh, the full neck.

The full neck plus more. Neck plus more. Just below the like dip of the neck. Exactly. Under the shoulder. Yeah. So if the beer's a person, it was under the shoulder. Yes.

I would say. Now that's, you know, if you meet a man that's missing everything above the shoulder, that's a significant difference. I reckon I could love anything. I do, though. You wouldn't be complaining? You wouldn't put any complaint in that this man is missing everything above the nipple? This man is missing. There are definitely upsides to somebody not having a head.

Stop sooking. Just go on with your life with this guy. You described it differently before. You said a man that's just shoulder, so not even a head. I'm trying to work out which bit I do more. Probably at this point in my life, armpits upwards I'd be happy with. Right. Okay.

Someone to chat to. Just somebody to... Hang on. Just someone to chat to. Just like a Google Home with a bust. Oh, right. The bust. Just something you can ask questions.

Yeah, slightly more sentient than Alexa. You want that little stone guy from Art Attack. Just to come into your house and be like, Hey, Georgie, how was your day? I think that's how he sounded. Yeah, I think you're right. I would love that now, yes. Yeah?

So, yeah. If you tie someone up, that's effectively what they are. Keep them trapped. All right, now you're sounding freaky. That probably is my ideal partner. Like Futurama style, head in a jar, just no physical temptation, just, you know, just someone to chat to. I think chatting's good now, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I reckon I don't need the rest of it now. Really? Yeah. I've just been overseas for a month and I would like, if you have someone, because we were doing like WhatsApp chats, which effectively makes your partner just a head. But if I had just a head as my partner in my house,

it would mean I'd end up jacking off in front of it. No, you could turn it around so it can't see. No, not by mistake. Oh, right. I mean, that's what you do. If you're just heads and you're just communicating but you're in love at some point, you use technology. Yep.

And Mark Zuckerberg ends up having that video of you. Yeah. That's how he's made all that money over the years. Yeah. Facebook is so unpopular. He's just got all those masturbation videos. Just the blackmail. Yeah.

Because for a long time you'd look at Facebook and go, well, how are they making any money through that? It still mystifies me how people can do that on a camera and not realise that at some point you are likely to break up. No, true. And that's going to go somewhere. Yeah. But I think in the future everyone will have done it

and we all won't consider it taboo anymore because everyone will have some fucking sex tape out there. So we'll all be on a level playing field. Well, that's why I've got the tape over the laptop camera. I know. I'll be the sole survivor. Everyone else has a sex tape out there except me. But that's going to make you weird because then people will be like,

everyone else has one, what are you hiding? And then I'm trying to reverse engineer it and get my own one out there just to fit in. It is such a tell when you bring your laptop around, you open it up and you've got the masking tape over the camera. It's like walking around with a cum rag sticking out of your pocket. Just going, I definitely do this.

I know this is a thing. I'm going to make one. A little pocket cum rag. Not in the back pocket, up in the top. I have one for me and one for a lady down in the corner. This is horrifying for me. So they really can see what you do in these laptops. No.

Not that I've done anything in front of it. I'm going to make a tape though now. You've inspired me, the three of you. On what? I don't know, just flashing something. On your laptop? Probably phone. I like my laptop too much to do anything naughty on my heart

because it's just it gets infected. Phone's better for that. Infected? Virused. Yeah, right, right. What have you got down there? That's why you want just a human who's from the shoulders above be like, you're not going to worry about STIs.

You're not going to be bothered by that. I'm going to need more than half a beer before I do it though. Half a beer? Yeah, I'm going to need more than half a beer before I do it, though. Half a beer? Yeah. I'm going to need more than half a beer. That reminds me of the thing I brought up 15 minutes ago. So we got off the back of that show. I started tagging in Peroni, the beer company that provided us.

Oh, right. I assumed that it would have been like a craft beer-y sort of small production thing. No. No. Peroni is great. It was like a full-on big company Peroni. Yeah. Right. Yep. Totally. And I full-on big company Peroni. Yeah, totally.

And I added them into a lot of things. Even got into a conversation with their social media people who were like basically trying to go, oh, God, what's the production number of the vat of beer that came out? Which is a reasonable question. Sure, sure. I'm just reporting what happened. And I'm like, fuck, well, this happened a week ago.

As if we're hanging on to old rubbish and whatever. It's just like, well, sorry, we don't have that, but we talked about it on the show and it'd be good publicity if we then came back on the show the next week and talked about, oh, you know what? We had the half a beer, but then Peroni said, you know what? Have a slab of beer to make up for it. And they did absolutely not

reply to any of that. But instead a listener hit us up today to go. Yeah, what's going on with this? A listener instead hit us up today to go to make a complaint about getting half a beer. He just told our story but said it happened to him and now he's got free beer. But he didn't even, is this right?

He didn't even do it to Peroni. He sent Asahi an email. Oh, he sent it to the wrong beer company. He sent Asahi an email. Oh, did he send it to the wrong beer company? He sent Asahi an email saying these guys talked about a half of Peroni that they lost and then Asahi are like, that's awful. Have some free Asahi. And yet still we have no drink. You just heard a vaguely sad story about nothing to do with you or us.

Yeah. Have some free drinks. Companies will give out free shit really easily. A friend of mine from high school got a packet of jerky and there was a feather in the jerky. How do you complain about jerky? It can't be any more fucked than one of these. He complained about a feather.

It was meant to be beef jerky and there was a feather in there. Then he took the feather out and realised it was just a piece of jerky that looked like a feather and it was just a piece of jerky that looked like a feather. And it was just a piece of jerky. But he took a photo of it and said, that looks enough like a feather that I'm going to send them this photo and get free jerky. And they gave him jerky. Because he had a piece of jerky that looked a bit like a feather.

I thought you were going to say he dipped the feather in ink and then used that to write the complaint letter to the jerky company. There's not even evidence, is there? You just put a feather next to a jerky and start whinging. He had evidence. He had like a bottle with the lid still on. But you can never prove that stuff. Like, I mean, we had as much proof as we tried to.

I think we could just tag your picture. We could steal the picture that you had with it in a bag and pretend that was us and send it to any company and get treatment. You know, with the technology that they have on the internet now, you know, like putting faces on other people, you can Photoshop out 100ml of beer really easy. Oh, right. This could have been a total, total fail. So just using deep fake technology to get a free ice cream?

Yeah, yeah. Just deep fake technology to take the nose off Bubble-O-Bill. Yeah, yeah. To just get rid of the bubble gum nose and then ask for like a fucking slab of Bubble-O-Bill. At Netflix I tried to watch Glow but all I got was this video of me jacking off.

Here is the evidence. Ask Mark Zuckerberg if you need something. Can I have a slab of Netflix to replace it? Yeah. Here's free Amazon Prime. That is interesting though. I would like to know, I'd be fascinated to know anyone who works at these kinds of companies in this sort of capacity that has to field these kind of like complaints and stuff that come in

yeah just how many people are trying it on yeah and how many ones come across their desk that are like obvious bullshit yeah you know someone going oh look at what i found inside my bag of cheetos and it's just like a dog shit on the ground yeah you know i mean surely they would all sound dodgy if you've got that mind if that's your job and you're getting complaints all day, you're going, well, all of this could be fake. You know, where does it end? Oh, so they get someone like you in there. They get like a real cynic who's just like everything that comes across like nut.

We know if this guy gives out a freebie, they fucking, this person earned it. Like this was a legitimate complaint. I reckon McDonald's has like a wanted list. Like C... The Hamburg Like, of secrets. The Hamburglar, number one. He's been on the loose for a while. No, of like serial kind of complainers. Because they have all kinds of rules at McDonald's.

Like if it takes more than this amount of minutes and you get it free. And it's just people who purposely... They're like prize fucking women. So they like do the most complicated order to get the first prize. They're like prize pigs. Like with radio that ring up all nonstop. The only people that want to win competitions on radio are the same four people or whatever.

Yeah. I saw a woman go up to the desk in McDonald's with a piece of a triple cheeseburger that was like, if you cut out a really disappointingly small bit of birthday cake, just like a tiny, tiny triangle with a pickle hanging out on either side of the triangle. It was that small. She went, I actually asked for no pickles, and this has a pickle in it. Good work. And they gave her another one. She's a genius.

Had she eaten the other 97%? She had eaten the rest of the burger and gotten down to the pickle. Clearly would have found there's more than one pickle in every burger. But there's this. That's the McDonald's guarantee. More than one pickle in every burger. But there's this. That's the McDonald's guarantee. More than one pickle in every burger. But that is the perfect crime to complain to a company of which no one gives a fuck what they're doing.

That's the thing, yeah. Unless you're complaining to the CEO that everyone's going to give you what you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a 15-year-old going, this is worth absolutely more than my job and this burger is actually worth more than the hour I'm working here for. I very much face-to-face in shops will manipulate,

particularly boys under 20, to tell them that the rules work how I want them to. It's a rough start to a story. I want them to be young. For instance, I was with Jason Chong in Adelaide. We were talking about something in a bakery. I bought two vanilla slices and walking away because I was holding phones and things,

dropped them on the floor. But did you have multiple of everything? Hang on, hang on. What did you have on you? Two vanilla slices. Two vanilla slices with two phones. So you're doing two...

Hang on. Is this two of your sex tapes that you're about to record with the vanilla slices? I haven't paid them yet. I'm going to have to insist on a full inventory. So we've got two phones.

We can get to Y-Later. And a book. I had a phone and then, yeah. Were you Skyping two different people with the vanilla slices at the same time? Your phone and your book, How to Buy Too Many Vanilla Slices. And then they slipped off because I was carrying too many things. And then I went back up to the till with the two plates and then picked up the slices off the floor, put them back. And I said, oh, I'm going to need two more of them.

And then he brought me two more and he started typing it in the till, and he was about 20, and I was like, oh, no, if it happens in the shop, we just get more. Yeah, and he was just like, oh, all right then. Well, I reckon. Because he trusts you because you look like the mum. Five seconds. Yeah, right.

Maybe he thought you were like a mystery shot. You know, this is like an undercover boss thing. You know, it's just like some rule that he didn't know about. I don't know that you seem to just believe whatever you tell him do you know in festivals i make up because i hate sitting at the edges right and i like to sit in the middle at shows in the middle of what what are you talking about i like to sit head on looking at the acts right in a show in a show when i'm watching a show sure so sometimes like when it's benches and they stick me on the end right i call someone over and i go i haven't got any peripheral vision, I need to sit in the middle.

And it makes no sense. Like you're a fucking racehorse. But it makes no sense as a thing, does it? Is that how you got your first gig? Because you're in the audience and you go, I don't have any peripheral vision, I need to be up there behind the microphone. It just makes no sense as a disability. You can sit anywhere with no peripheral vision.

That's the most lit area up there on the stage so if you can put me up there that'll really help with my vision but these beautiful helpful 20 year olds can't seem to argue with a 40 year old woman

who's had a couple of wines because they're like oh yeah yeah we'll just move her it's easier maybe that's the secret I gotta start just getting out there

with a bit more of an aggressive attitude yeah just make up illnesses you know I'm 33 there'd be a lot of stores where I walk into where I'm like older than anyone working there just take charge just tell them how it's gonna be i'm

having free stuff i am the opposite i got i've been emailing back and forth with a courier company because i ordered something before i went away and then it was delivered after i left and then it was picked up while i was out of the country so i emailed them saying hey i'm not in the country i definitely didn't pick that up and they were like well someone did wow that's our argument and they're like no we're not giving you the money back because like someone came and got it and if they would got it from the place they must have had your id so we reckon it was you and i'm like here's plain fucking tickets oh great and they were like huh hope you enjoyed your trip how valuable is the item like 30 bucks i'm not fight it, but I want to fight it. Fight it?

It is really annoying. Can you help me? Will you help me draft an email? What have you got better to do? I can definitely win. I don't have any peripheral vision, so how would I have found the post office to pick it up from? Yeah, just make up some, well, there is bureaus that will help you,

but just make up the names of them, say you're going to report them to them and then just hammer on. I reckon I can get it back for you. Ombudsman. Just say the word ombudsman. Yeah, what was it for $30? Is it worth, is it something? You're very cagey about what this is.

Sex goggles. $30 object. No, it was a video game for our other podcast. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, you nerd. That's cool. That's why I didn't play. Oh, you're a gamer.

To hear that one word from Chad, the least offensive word he ever calls me. I had a feeling that might have been what it was. Yeah. Sorry to hold your feet to the fire on that one. Hey, look, that's okay. I'm willing to admit it. I like to be called a nerd. That's the only reason I pretend to enjoy video games.

It feels good. Oh, man, I love it. Well, because you were messaging me on Friday, Carl, as you were having this correspondence with at Peroni underscore AU. Yes. Is that the account? Yes. Not to give them any free advertising. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were like- There's like a guy in New York called like at Peroni underscore AU. Yes. Is that the account? Yes. Not to give them any free advertising.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were like... There's like a guy in New York called like Johnny Peroni. He's like, why the fuck are they messaging me? What's this about? I did that the other day. I sent out like an Instagram post, a story, tagging in everyone that was on the lineup that night.

Right. And I just tagged in someone with exactly the same name. It ended up not being that person. Yeah. And that person sent me a message going, fuck off, I'm not a fucking comedian, you that person sent me a message going, fuck off. I'm not a fucking comedian, you cunt. That's how you deal with shit.

That's pretty funny though. That's the most offended I've ever seen at anyone for being called a comedian. I think they make a good comic by the sounds of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you say who the name was? Because is it someone like relatively known enough that they would get it a lot?

No. No, it's like someone pretty new or whatever. I added a bunch of people. This is kind of similar. A bunch of people on Facebook. I thought it'd be funny to go through and add everyone I could find named Austin Powers with the real name Austin Powers. And it was funny for a long time.

Because like it would be people named Austin Powers just like posting like, oh, work was tough today or whatever. That's funny. But recently one of them died. And it's very like seeing the funeral for Austin Powers will be held. Oh, wow. Not groovy at all. No, very unshackled.

Hey, he should have over-behaved. There's a bunch of people named Austin Powers. People have named babies Austin Powers. I mean, the problem is they're all like 30 or whatever. So, you know, they're from pre-Austin Powers time. But still, it's still a ridiculous name. Yeah. Even without the context of it being a pop culture character.

And not one of them, even once, has clocked the fact that they don't know me, that I definitely added them because their name was Austin Powers. And it's weird to me that none of them bring it up ever. Right. Do you know what I mean? They all just named Austin Powers, and they're all going about like their name isn't Austin Powers.

Yeah, but what are they going to do, talk about it every day? I guess. I would. This far on, though, though i mean maybe that i mean you know you were called yeah i don't reckon yeah you can't you know you you don't talk about the death of your brother every day online do you you know when something when a when a big thing happens in your life the same as being called austin powers that's a big change in your life it's a big change i think it's good i like i change in your life. I think it's good. Like, I don't know.

It's weird that no one, and like never on their post does anyone comment like, that's shagadelic, Austin. Right. Or anything. It's as though the movie doesn't exist. Yeah, but I reckon like, you know, early 2000s it was probably heaps. Sure. They got it heaps.

My kids would know it. They'd know the film? Yeah. Big call. Would you like to be under my kilt? Timeless, in my opinion. Well, this deceased Austin Powers, who knows? You don't know the cause of death.

Maybe it all got too much. Well, maybe he's even not dead. Maybe it's a laser shot. He's going to come back in the future when he's in a fish out of water situation. I hope you left everything to me. They're trying to get the hearse into the funeral home and having to drive it and drive it back a little and drive it forward and drive it back a little. It's a joke from the film, Carl.

Do you remember? It's a joke from the film, Austin Powers. Absolutely hate it. Terrible movie. I love it. Absolutely. So anyway, you text me and you say, Peroni have asked if we have the batch number or whatever.

And so you're like, do you still have those bottles? And I was like, come on, man. That was like nearly two weeks ago. As if I'm just sitting with fucking rubbish from a fortnight ago. But it was part of a complaint you were going to form. You'd miss me throwing away those two-week-old bottles by one day. Well, that's it. I then caught myself and I was like, any other week I would just be sitting here

with trash from nearly a month ago just in the corner of my apartment but what i did do i thought you know this is a long shot but i'll go down to the bottle shop it's always just the same guy and it's just around the corner from here it's around the corner from here i'll go in and i'll just like see who knows maybe like when you know maybe on his end in the system like that it registers i don't know how that stuff works there's a receipt receipt. There's something. Who knows? So, yeah, I go down there and it's such a weird request. Like I kind of start telling the story and then I can see him on edge. Like he thinks he's being put on blast or whatever.

Yes. It's going to end up being his fault or something. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, hey, man, nothing to do with you. I set up the whole thing. He's finally going to get sprung for his great trick of taking a sip out of everyone's beer and then putting the lid back on. You're a professional bottle sealing machine.

I think you've already solved your own problem, right? You've already worked out you can Photoshop a bottle. Just buy a bottle, know that serial number and Photoshop that or give them that picture. I thought you were trying to give us the answer. Buy an empty bottle and then Photoshop beer into it and then drink that. No, you've got the half empty bottle. They can't see the serial number on there. Just give them any random number. They're not going to care, are they?

Oh, okay. I've got bottle number 69. Can I please have 69 slabs? Just give them any serial number. No one's going to care. They'd have slabs from the same delivery that'd be the same batch number. You're saying just make up a number. Just buy a new box that was in that box. Don't you think that they've got some form of record in it, the Peroni bottle factory, of any bottles they shipped out?

Peroni fucked up. It was their fault. They shouldn't need to know the batch number. I would definitely have just bought a new box and said it was from that box. Because what are they going to do with a batch number as well? If they look up that batch number and went, oh, yeah, that is the one we deliberately fucked up. That is a good point, yeah.

Okay, so, Tommy, you talk to the owner of the bottle shop. Also, I just do quickly need to point out, Georgie, we're doing fine. We don't need to go around nickel and diming these beer companies out of like... I know we've got nothing better to talk about, but we can actually afford another six-pack. We've spent quite a lot of time in there so far. You have been trying to win a lot of competitions lately. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've been trying to go to Koh Samui. You've been trying to... Is everything okay? Yeah, yeah. Okay. It's just a new thing. I've just discovered... Can't be in a competition

with my cat so I'll wreck a bunch of mothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just remember kids at school when they... There would be like a competition family and they'd just come to school

and they'd be like... They'd genuinely win everything because if you couldn't be fucked to enter so many things, the odds are you're going to win quite a lot of them. So I'm like, these last things, I'm like, fuck, why not? Why don't we just do a little bit of a push? Let's just turn the whole plot into us entering contests. Have you ever heard about that old Japanese reality show

where they grabbed this guy in the middle of the night, put him in this empty apartment building with no clothes and everything but just a stack of sweepstakes magazines. Right. And he could only eat or live off things in the apartment that he could win out of magazine competitions. Yeah. This sounds like a crime.

That sounds like your house with you except for with pornos. Yeah. Sure. So, yeah, I'm explaining this to the, I'm explaining the whole story to the guy. Yep. So, yeah, I'm explaining the whole story to the guy, and he's like, I'm really sorry. There's no record of the batch number or anything on my end. I'm like, that's fine, man. I understand.

I knew it was a long shot. And he goes, but I'll tell you what. Walks over to the fridge, pops it open, hands me one pure blonde. He goes, take that. No hard feelings. Oh, nice. Not even the same beer. Great.

So it's in the fridge behind you. Do you want it? No. They've made poor old pure blonde pay for it. Rather than the people who should be paying for it, which is Peroni. But I like him. Him feeling like, you know,

him taking on a degree of personal responsibility. Like, yeah, I didn't bottle the thing, but it did come from my shop. It's a reflection on me as a business owner. Sure. But then just shelling out for it. It's like, bro, that's an imported beer. Like, come on, my man. He changed the world in his own little way.

Yeah. And he is just the little things that people do. You'll be back. You'll be back. You'll be back there now. You know, he's got a good impression on you. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's more to do with the geography of it

than it's just close to my house. Yeah, yeah. He could half fill the rest of your beers for the rest of your life and you'd still be back because it's literally 50 metres away. Exactly. He's like classic small-time shopkeeper, just desperate for a chat, just desperate for a conversation. Then he's like, then I'm stuck with him for like 15 minutes

while he's talking to me about how things get bottled and like, you know, and he goes, and he's like, the Peronis, see, this is the thing. You've got to look at them when you buy them. You've got to make sure because these imported beers, they often have one, you know, they're often like, you're paying for an imported beer, but they all have factories here where they're just making them locally.

Like, this has got absolutely nothing to do with the issue that I can't deal with at all. you're paying for an imported beer, but they all have factories here where they're just making them locally. Right. This has got absolutely nothing to do with the issue that I came here with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I have a friend like that who went to Japan and got really into Asahi. And he's like, now he comes back. Anytime we're at a bottle shop, if he wants to get Asahi, he's like looking to make sure it's an actual imported one. And he goes, yeah, that is the thing.

They do do that sometimes with the Asahi. I'm like, what the fuck? I just said said it to i just said the name to you and you've just fucked it up right back to my face he just white splained it to you yeah he did so yeah i had to i just i was on my way somewhere else i was just like frantically like i'm gonna be here all day talking about imported beer and where let's not forget that you started it. I did start it. You did walk in and do 15 minutes of stuff on him about batch numbers. You walked into that place and complained about 16 millilitres of beer being missing. I reckon he didn't think you had much going on. Sit there and think about what you did.

And also, so you were on your way somewhere else, so then you got your free beer and then had to go on your errands with one free beer under your arm? Yeah, pretty nice it's in that fridge over there do you guys want it yeah have it

knock yourself out Noxy see I upgraded from no coffee to free beer it's on the top shelf it's next to the lasagna

I'm much happier with you having a beer at this time of night than a coffee thank you there we go a genuine pure blonde absolutely

110% full beer I really hope it's a twist top is it yeah I really hope There we go. A genuine pure blonde. Absolutely. I got an opener on my... 110% full beer. I really hope... It's a twist up. Is it? Yeah. I really hope that there's something wrong with this one. Oh, look at this.

Oh, he's like the bachelor. Wow. Treating me. You're like the bachelor. I'll tell you my... With a beer between his groin. I've never been romanced this hard. I am the bachelor.

My batch number is... Oh, fuck. it's half empty. Great. I hope it's just like apple juice in there or something. There's too much in this one. I want a beer that's just right. What do we think to the urban myth or it's real that rats piss on the top of these? I will say absolute not true

because that's the first time I've ever heard that. Yeah, I've never heard that before. You're meant to wipe it with a cloth. The wiping with a cloth would get rid of the roughness. That sounds like a specific growing up in a certain household type of thing. Right, exactly. That's like when my mum would say, don't put that marble in your mouth. It could have been up a Chinaman's bum.

Whoa. It could. Yeah. And also for visual context You No one else has had Any of the beer Georgie You took a sip

And then went Do you reckon it's true That rats piss on this Wait until everyone else I believe myself to be immortal I'll get whatever Rat pisses get That should have been

What we were complaining to Peroni We're missing the rats piss Element of this beer I've just gotten a glass Out of Tommy's Tommy's cupboard. Should I wipe the top of this first? What's the situation in there?

Some rats would be a nice bit of company in here for once. You should wipe it. You should wipe it because of the masking tape that's been on the top of the camera on Deslo's laptop. I don't want my mum to see me drinking a beer on the internet. So just nothing from Peroni. They're not replying at this point.

They wanted to hear about it. When I couldn't give them a batch number, they've gone silent. Really? Yeah, so I'll continue. Interesting. Ironically, we're sharing this beer, so we've only got half anyway. Oh, no. I'll put it back in the box.

No, I'm fine with it. I'll share with you, batch. All right. Look, speaking of food and drink businesses, I've fallen in love with something I've discovered this week. In my hometown of Mirabarra, I am from a small town of Mirabarra. It's about 8,000 people. How big was your hometown, Georgie?

You from a small town or a big town? Yeah, like in the Pennines. So Manchester's your biggest landmark, and then we were in the shitty bit in the hills behind it with no town centre. What's the town called? Rochdale. Rochdale. Oh, Rochdale.

Rochdale, Oldenbury. If you're from around there or your families are, that's kind of my bit. It wasn't nice. They've got a very small football team. I think we've just not even got one now. It's very violent. We did like a bit of GBH.

The ultra-violence. Yeah, like a bit of, yeah. Yeah, right, nice. A bit of hooliganism. I'm like a bit of GBH. The ultra-violence. Yeah, like a bit of, yeah. Yeah, right. Nice. A bit of hooliganism. I'm from a very small town. We have, we've got this fast food place. Now, the big chains have started to come to Maribor over the last few years.

Now, when I was living there years ago, there was never any McDonald's or KFC or even Subway, any of that sort of stuff. We had nothing. Even Subway? No, totally. You're way more likely to have a McDonald's than a Subway, any of that sort of stuff. We had nothing. Even Subway? No, totally. You're way more likely to have a McDonald's than a Subway. That's fair, yeah. No, no, no.

McDonald's are quite strict with how many people need to be in a town before. Yeah, okay. Okay, Subway's are more common. I did not know that. I never would have thought that. I think that was one of the first ones to come to Maryborough because I think McDonald's literally have to have 15 to 20,000 people or something like that

before they'll bother coming out. Because they're like a real estate company first as well so they want to like have it all. Some towns get all fancy about it. They won't have a McDonald's. Oh, that's true.

Especially country towns but that's like rich, rich kind of recluse-y towns. But you know, they've got their shit going on. They know what they're doing. They know that they're going to make money

if they come to a town with this many people. Think about even just like aesthetically, your worst subway looks a million times worse than your worst McDonald's. That's true. You know what I mean? Like a bad Subway is just a bad situation.

There's not a lot of cost put into a Subway versus a McDonald's. You think of all the deep fries, all that bullshit, whereas there's just some cunt making a fucking sandwich. They're artists, man. They're struggling artists. McDonald's isn't going, like, they've got money. They can go wherever they want. They're not going, like, we had to give two triple cheeseburgers to one woman this month.

Yeah, yeah. So, I'm sorry, we're not going to Maryborough. There'd be a lot of that in Maryborough, I think. So, all we had when I lived there, in terms of chain food, was we got a, right at the tail end of me being there, we got something called Pinky's Pizza. Have you ever heard of that? No, I remember. Did you have Pinky's Pizza in Melbourne?

Yeah. Did you really? Yeah, my best friend growing up, his dad swore by it. He loved it. There was a Pinky's around the corner. Are we talking artisan here or are we talking like artisan pizza? Are we talking cheese? No, the opposite. It's like worse than W&O's if you feel like

if you're eating a pizza hut and then you go this is too fancy I want to slum it a bit I want this chicken to be undercooked yeah yeah yeah pinkies

yeah yeah yeah I want to I want to I want to find the pizza that pizza hut rejects then you go to you go to pinkies so I

is pinkies I always get pinkies and eagle boys mixed up is pinkies the square one? No. Because there was a chain called Eagle Boys growing up. Well, like that was their big thing on the ads. They're like, yeah, we do it in a square.

It's like, get the fuck out of here with your square pizza. Yeah. I think they all tried the big footlong ones where they were quite square. Like they were going for massive pizzas. Oh, yeah. I don't think anyone in particular went, let's only make square pizzas. I think you had a bit of a, you know, pizza of the week sort of a thing. Trying to reinvent the wheel, so to speak.

By making it a square wheel. Well, it fits the box, I guess. Yeah. They don't have to, you know, redo anything. It comes in a round box, though. Yeah. Anyway. So, Pinky's Pizza, right

So I believe I might be wrong here But from my research I don't think they're around anymore In terms of like I think they started maybe in Ballarat And then they grew And then they've retreated again

That's interesting I never knew that it had such Such country-based roots I've never seen one Such regional origins I refuse to open my eyes If I go to the country I'm going to look it up That's fair It's's big i think it was a big pig carrying a pizza

i think it makes sense pink pink yeah yeah yeah so uh anyway it that was the closest we got to like a franchise so that's exciting it's like oh food from another town i love that they're pretty cool they definitely wanted to call it porky's pizza too and their legal team or whatever was like no you can't they're like oh fuck well there's more of that coming up really so we had binky's pizza uh that was that was the closest thing to you know to you know sophisticated cuisine because it's from another town it's literally there used to be a uh i don't know if it's still there but there used to be a pizza delivery place out at the old drive-in theater that fell over and fell onto a nursery that was next door. Oh, my God.

They squashed a nursery. Wait, which type of nursery? Was it open? Key detail. Oh, I thought children. She's not being plucked. With Carl, you'd never know. The join is like, yeah, squashed a nursery.

No wonder they never had a McDonald's because they squashed an entire generation of young workers who would have worked in that a nursery. No wonder they never had a McDonald's because they squashed an entire generation of young workers who would have worked in that McDonald's. No more Happy Meals in any way. So that fell over and then next door to that, some guy created a pizza place that was out of someone's garage and it couldn't have looked less healthy would less healthy less like a good idea anyway um so they made piggy's pizza we got piggy's pizza great awesome okay it wasn't

particularly great but anyway um but did you know could you tell that you know anything that's like a chain yeah when you're a kid no matter how shit the chain is it's still exciting totally and even without knowing like that they have this everywhere yeah there's just a certain kind of there's just a certain energy that a chain gives off that you just know immediately absolutely and you've seen it on tv as well yeah like oh that's that's the pig from the tv the logo like the pig driving the hot rod or sunglasses yeah and you're like you're like i don't want a homemade pizza when i can get a pig carrying around a pizza. That sounds way better. By the way, from my research, I will tell you, Pinky's Pizza still exists. Yes.

Where is it? It's in Ballarat. In Ballarat. Oh, you mean, I thought you thought the whole place had gone. No, no. I thought they'd maybe retreated back to Ballarat. Yeah, yeah. That's the one, when I Googled it,

the first thing that comes up is Ballarat. So what have you got now? So now Pinky's Pizza went bust in Maribor, right? So they left. But I obviously don't know the entire history of this company, but someone then took over the ex-Pinky Pizza business there in that shop. And still, no, not a coup because they went out of business. No, it was a pick, not a coup.

You've been in Scotland. All right, go on. So they wanted to keep making pizza there. So then they have made their own business and called it Old Pinky's Pizza. Love it. Love that. Old Pinky's Pizza. pizza that's sick how insane is that i like that sounds like a pizza made by like a ghost of a pirate as well yeah old pinky used to make pinky yeah i thought it was ridiculous branding in the first place like when you get your takeaway you want to feel like you're not being a pig and then they call it yeah

yeah like but also great that it's like no this branding is too good we've got to keep hold of this just to reinforce the branding of the company that went ass up yeah that has gone so badly that they left mirror bar we want to emphasize that it's not modern but is this a bit of a situation so they when they've moved in most of the pinkies is still kind of like left it you know like when a company like when a place goes under and then a new company moves in and they clearly don't have quite enough capital to do like their own graphic design on the menu or like on the sign out the front so it's just like this was clearly a hungry jack's about a month ago and now it's a cafe so you think they've just stuck the word old yeah in front of everything i thought you were gonna say it was turned into like spinkies

pizza get the little pig on the logo put a couple of wrinkles under his eye, make his hair a bit grey. There he is, old Pinky. Old Grazy. Are you using it? Do you go there? Well, I don't go to Maribor, but I'd quite like to go there now. I mean, apart from the fact that I've now looked it up and gone,

this looks fucking insane. This looks like the worst. So they've called themselves Old Pinky's Pizza. You know, a great pizza place. But now they just sell whatever the fuck they've got lying around in the kitchen. They also do... That is the way. Great.

So now it says Old Pinky's Fish and Chips Pizza. Pizza's not even top billing anymore. Wow. It's an Old Pinky's Pizza. Maybe that speaks to the quality of the fish and chips. Maybe it's like, you know, the people are just raving about this fish and chips. We've got to put the fish and chips front and centre. Old Pinky's pizza. Maybe that speaks to the quality of the fish and chips. Maybe it's like, you know, the people are just raving about this fish and chips. We've got to put the fish and chips front and centre. Old Pinky's fish and chips.

It doesn't quite, I don't know, none of it sounds right, I suppose. But a pig in the context of a fish and chip shop makes even less sense. Well. I'm happy to sell this. I'm not going to do it anymore. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there's no mention of a pig anymore.

That's the other thing. Old Pinky's is just some chef. If you're the only pig man, you proved even if you are the only pizza shop, it can still go tits up, can't it? Yeah. If you're the only one, what you could call it, anything,

call it chlamydia hut. And people will be like, I'll eat there. I don't have to cook. I don't have to wash up. I only have to take one pill afterwards. It's easy. Yeah. I mean mean there's other shops

You buy as well Yeah Oh you made it out To be that little hick Totally But I'm just going Through the Facebook page Such a cute name

What I do love Is that So the pig is nowhere To be seen There's no more pigs Pinky is just a state Of mind at this point It's old

It's an ephemeral notion That's old There's no There's not even any pink In the branding There's not even colour Wow The pink the colour there But they What I do like is That they've nabbed Ephemeral notion. There's no... There's not even any pink in the branding. There's not even colour. Wow. The pink, the colour there.

But what I do like is that they've nabbed the old Pinky's Marabara name on Facebook, like the at, you know, the actual official name. They've spelt Marabara wrong. So another good sign. But I think Brett Blake might be running their social media. They've just got posts that say dear

it's like there's absolutely no punctuation the latest one here says dear valued customers we reduced our prices on some of the products like SharePack

HSPs no more for $25 now you can get just in $20 what the fuck old Pinky would be rolling over in his grave

young Pinky actually yeah he'd be rotisserieing in his grave oh Young Pinky, actually. He'd be rotisserie-ing in his grave. Oh, they might be good at cooking. You don't know. Yeah, old Pinky's is like, you know where they come undone? The old people? They come undone with punctuation.

What we're going to do is we're going to bring no punctuation into the future. Get rid of that apostrophe. I'm also getting rid of some of it. I'd get rid of capital letters. Really? Because it's a full stop. We already know what's going to happen next. That's a good point.

Like, why do we use them at the start of a sentence? What about proper nouns? Oh, yeah, fair enough. Because then you know, like, a bill or a bill. Yeah, exactly. I understand that one, but at the start of a sentence, there's no need for them. Makes it look all official.

It was the 15-year-old that brought that up with me. He's like, I'm still not using them. So he's been staunch since an argument with a teacher in like fourth grade. That's what kids do now though. And he just will not use them. Because you're texting. Because you're a child. Yeah, he's like, I'm not using them at the start of sentences.

That's a computer, does it? I'm not using them. Textings turn capital letters bitchy. Because if you're writing in all lowercase, then you're being friendly. If you're chucking capital letters in proper punctuation, that means you're like, please reply to this email. At Peroni. I am using capital letters now.

You know what I mean? It's a little uptight. Yeah, a lot of the capitals are pointless. Yeah. Paris. That is pointless. Man. So this, oh, that's what I was going to say.

So I'm impressed by, and I may have misheard this this just in that flurry of texts that you read out. The Maryborough Old Pinky's Pizza, they're having a crack at a halal snack pack. Yeah. That is a huge move. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, I didn't say the full name now that they've rebranded themselves as whatever the fuck you want, we'll endeavor to try and get, if not order from another place next door. It's Old Pinky's Fish and Chips Pizza and Kebab Restaurant.

Wow. Yeah, what do you think? If you had to take a wild stab, what would you say? What do you think is the thing they're doing best? What would you get if you were going in? I reckon a kebab would taste the most similar to other kebabs. You've got the most choice with a kebab, haven aren't you because you can point at the things you want on it so you can have a look how moldy the tomato is and all that and you'll be like yeah i just have

that bit in it you smother it in some garlic sauce you know that's gonna mask a lot of pick it a bit best kebab i've ever had was only like 10 different to the worst kebab i've ever had right yeah you know what i mean yeah well what is that is that the food what do you think is the food that you can fuck up the least like i always think pizza you can't fuck up too bad oh you can fuck up i've got a place to for you to go really old old pinkies hot dogs are the least fuck upable oh you think that's a bulletproof one yeah it's a bulletproof again you can pick what you're having on it and it's just... If you make them too fancy, then that fucks you up. I don't think I've ever had a bad one.

Is it because... Even the fancy ones? Because you can't fit them in your mouth. I don't live in Melbourne. Is it because hot dogs are never that good? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Hot dogs find not capable of greatness, I don't think. Yeah, but they're un-fuck-up-able.

I'd struggle to tell the difference between a good one and a bad one. There isn't a difference. They're just all the same. Yeah. Right, okay. I don't know. I think even a bad pizza is still pretty good, but there's such a big gap between...

Pizza varies pretty wildly, I think. I don't think I've ever eaten a bad arsehole. That's probably the one for me. asshole that's probably the love for me that came in after my i'm not a generation different to you but like it's i hear it on stage there's a couple of things i hear on stage and i'm like are people really doing this eating us eating assholes yeah and asphyxiate well everyone did the asphyxia thing the choking people are always well people are trying to ask you to eat... So as I call it now, they're trying to eat old pinkies. Two of the pink, one of the pinkies.

Which is the most expensive thing on the menu. But the asphyxia thing as well, it's just like... Definitely, it used to happen, but it used to be politicians. Yeah, right. It wasn't part of everybody's world. And yeah, everyone's eating arses and struggling. Wait, what? You think only politicians used to be eating arses

Is that your hypothesis Some freaky shit but never Doing asphyxia shit And we never ate an arse England is one of the most Uptight You know what I mean Sexually uptight

I reckon English people are like Choking no give them three of the best and leave. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. But no, but English politicians, I think, were known for that sort of behaviour a while back, weren't they? But that's because it was always a scandal in England.

They'd be like, he was wearing tights. Yes. And everyone would be like, I can't fucking believe it. We had one who had his penis in the mouth of a pig's head on a dinner table. But that was like a ritual. That wasn't even a sex thing. Anything goes in a ritual. Give it a ceremony.

That's what happens if you go back to where they're cooking stuff at Old Pinky's. You just see a man with his dick in a pig's head. You're like, your kebab will be out in a second. Get out of here. So how long has Old Pinky's been operational for? Has it been around a while or is it pretty new? I think it's been around a while. I think I'm only discovering it now. I don't think

it's an absolute new thing. I looked at the... and in return in response to what you said, they haven't just gone in and just added the word old to everyone's... to the old branding. I looked in there. The whole menu just old. Yeah, yeah. Old Hawaiian, old Caprichosa. I looked in there. The whole menu just old. Yeah, yeah. Old Hawaiian, old Capriccio.

This is stale. We told you. Let you know early on. It's your fault. I like that you did an actual Italian accent. We're a family in Maryborough running a fish and chips slash pizza place. Welcome to all the pinkies. They're not Italian.

They're just racist. Yeah. Yeah. Man, the restaurant looks so bad like it's like you can eat in and it's like

why the fuck would you want to though like it looks like you're eating in the kitchen and you're just separated from the rest of the kitchen by the

by deep fry I so want to thank Gordon Ramsay there do you know what I mean just have a little rip on him man I was watching that show

the other night fuck I love it he's a demon isn't he he's awesome he's so good yeah but it's like i can't any of those reality shows i can't help i get 10 minutes into them and i immediately google what the where they are now like they're gutting really yeah because there's people that are like there's people that are like fucking chucking brown eyes into the oven and it's like, oh, this is where we went wrong. And he's saying, no more brown eyes, everyone. And then I'm just immediately Googling to see what happened in 12 months' time. And it's like, yeah, they started doing a few brown eyes again.

And yeah, now it's all fucked. They didn't listen to Gordon. Yeah. Yeah. That's the weirdest compulsion to have, to be watching a movie and be like, how does this end? Yeah. Just Googling it. I do. compulsion to have to be watching a movie and be like how does this end yeah i do i love the sound

of the social media account though like of the of old pinkies like i like did i tell this like there was a burger place near my old house that i really liked and i was gonna go there one day and so i was like oh let me just i can't remember mate are they open on mondays and so i looked them up on facebook and their most recent status was like the day before and it was just something like just text saying we're closed forever and they had changed the. Oh, someone had a breakdown. Yeah, they had changed the profile picture. It's just like what had been their logo to like a bad kind of illustrated clip art picture

cartoon of a hamburger giving the thumbs up. I mean, sorry, they're giving the finger, right. With its ass hanging out, like mooning the viewer and giving the finger. And it was like, then I walked past one day and it was just like boarded up and gone. Just closed abruptly and that's how they let their customers know. That hamburger was too rude. What did you want him to do? You want to write?

What did you want him to do? How else would you? I don't know. Sorry, but we've had to. There's a middle ground. Yeah. We'd like to thank y'all. They open it and greet people and be like, I'm sorry, we stopped making food.

Closing down sale. How fucked is Rochdale if you're like, if a business closes down without saying goodbye and it's just some cunt giving someone the bird and you're like, what else am I meant to do? This is how Rochdale works things. So my dad used to have pubs, which is how I know about the rats pissing on things. Right.

And so, and he had a second story restaurant on top of one of the pubs and it was opposite a cemetery and it was a burger thing. And what's it called? He called it dead legs. So when people were in the cemetery, they'd look up and just see a hamburger like fucking. But why dead legs? Dead legs?

I don't know. He just thought if it was fun for him... Dead legs to burger joints. Yeah. Even if it was like chicken drumsticks or whatever, at least that would make sense. Yeah, yeah. But yeah.

No, dead legs. That's what he had. A burger place opposite a cemetery is not a bad idea. Well, your pubs are everywhere in England. You just can't move. And cemeteries everywhere. You haven't had enough dead people yet to have all the cemeteries. Yeah, yeah, sure.

I reckon. I mean, this cartoon image of the hamburger with its ass hanging out, I'm in the generation talking before about how I love eating ass, so that just made me even hungrier. Not only could I not go to my favourite burger place, I was even more... Make it like a nice thing where they look up and

you sell sandwiches and rolls and call it Mike and Rollins' or something like that. Oh, my God, that's perfect. And have something up there, you know what I mean? Mike and Rollins' is perfect. You've been lyrical gangsters some. Adam Knox talking earlier about his jet lag and how he's way too awake at this time of night

and we've just got full evidence of it. It's midnight and baby, he's firing on all cylinders. Here you go. What about a salad place and it's called Sorry For Your Toss? Not as good. That's alright. I'm happy to bail out. Cut that one out of the podcast. You just officially got tired. Some of these puns, you could win the best joke of the Edinburgh Comedy Festival

with this bullshit. Oh, I saw that and they were shockers, weren't they? They're always yeah. There's some newspaper that every year does it. He's the best. He's the person who paid the most. It's a channel, Dave. What's wrong with English people? Sorry, Georgie.

What is wrong with it? I'm not here as well now, though, aren't I? Honestly, can you answer this? And I've been genuinely trying to find out. I'm claiming our sense of humor. Go on. British people, instead of laughing, if some jokes, they won't laugh, they'll go, way!

Like that. They'll cheer instead of laughing. Yeah, hear some jokes, they won't laugh, they'll go way! Like that. They'll cheer instead of laughing. I know of that. I don't know, I didn't watch it or do it in England. Is that a good or a bad thing? It's a good thing. But it's a genuine response. They're like barracking for the joke, but they're just not doing it right. And literally, I was genuinely getting mad at people because

chimpanzees will laugh, monkeys have a laughter response, and literally English people are the only because chimpanzees will laugh. Monkeys have a laughter response. And literally English people are the only primate that won't laugh. I never laughed until I was a hospital patient. Maybe you should just make your show better. And they'll laugh. Yeah, how were you going every night

on the way-o-meter that you have in the corner of the room? I get 30 ways. I win best joke of the fringe. The best joke of the fringe, by the way, because just if people are interested, I guess you could Google the corner of the room. If I get 30 ways, I win best joke of the Fringe. The best joke of the Fringe, by the way, because just if people are interested, I guess you could Google it if you're interested. I've seen a lot of,

I always shout about broccoli and cauliflower. I guess you could say I have florets. Absolutely. That's the one that came in. That's the best joke of 3,000 shows. I haven't heard any of the other jokes, but I'm awarding it Chando's worst joke in the world. The turd of the week.

What I'm about to tell you is both shocking and wonderful about comedy. So I've just been on a ship, and on the ship they have comedy gong shows, which is where they let anybody and everybody. You're performing on a cruise ship? Yeah, to tell the jokes. And there's a gang of us on there. There's me and Bob Down and Harley Breen.

Yeah, yeah. And anyway, so we're doing this comedy gong show. So they've had a workshop. Comedy's not as easy as it looks, right? This comedy workshop where they've given them some rules. Mainly, don't say fuck, it's a PG show. And you can talk about your prostate check, but don't say fuck. Because it's a pretty, what would you call it?

Diverse crowd. Yes. Middle Australia. These were a lovely bunch. What is this directive? You can talk about your prostate check, but don't say fuck. It's kind of like... Got me fucking prostate checked.

The general spiel they're given is just like, you can say like box and things like that, but you can't say fanny. You've got to use euphemisms. You can say box, but not fanny. Yeah. I want to see this rule box.

Anyway, nobody runs their stuff out. But they also say no misogyny, no racism no disability kind of problems all of this right so anyway

unless you talk around it you can say I wish those boxes would go back where they came from so anyway and we've got a judge so we're sat there

like the X Factor panel and you're encouraging oh so now you're seeing crowd people in the crowd come up and perform but yeah to a crowd of 500

Is this true This is the first time They've ever done it First time they've ever done it And they get three minutes And there's a gong Right And so

You know And then We have to do nice The sort of people Who think Being on a cruise Is a good idea Yeah

And now think That they can perform comedy Yes Right I kind of want to do Cruise ship gigs now If this is what it is Yeah stage time

You get to judge this No I thought you meant You just want to be in, like, as a passenger and then pretend you've never done comedy before. Yeah. And just get up and just kill it. Yeah. So anyway, watched like an hour of just, you know, X Factor's quality,

you know, showreel dumps. Then the last one comes up and he just wanted to do well because he just looked like he'd had an unfortunate life. Can we have any hints into his... He looked like his head had an unfortunate life. Can we have any hints into his... He looked like his head had been boiled. His head had been boiled?

I don't know what had gone on there. It was smaller than it should have been. Anyway, so he gets up and then he just starts talking and he's looking at the floor

as he do and he's going, very long set up that ended in, so I put my hand in the jar of jelly beans and the black one stole my watch.

So everybody just the whole room just went no it gets worse. It gets worse right. Ash Vilsame do you know him? So for those of you

who don't know him he is a black gentleman and he's a comic at the back. He runs down the front grabs all the four of the judges' microphones stands in front of this guy

and goes no! And everyone's cheering him on. He goes, do you understand that you just said all black people steal things? Do you understand that?

And this guy's like, oh, yeah. And he's just like twitching. Anyway, everyone dies down a bit. Then this guy goes, can I do another one? Everybody's going,

no! And me, because I just want people to do well,'m like i stood up and i'm like redemption joke yeah just give him a chance he's been taught a lesson give him a chance he'll learn first line of the joke was i went out with this indian woman and we were all just like no just some people just never learned did it he'd had every visual clue to not do that shit this guy's awesome

I'm sorry I love this guy we wanted to find him it's weird that Dave Chappelle was on a cruise ship this is still better than Dave's best joke at the end

yes exactly this is how much I want people to do well I wanted to find him on the ship and just hear the rest of the joke because I was hoping

it ended well but it just wouldn't you know it wasn't in Edinburgh there were gong shows as well so you just came back from Edinburgh Fringe oh yeah

I was at Edinburgh Fringe Festival so you go over there and you do you on purpose go over there and lose money is that the aim we made money

we made some money this time yeah yeah to me I've not been fucking tagging companies asking for free single beers. I'm doing fine. To me, from afar, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, from what I know of it, is it's A, the biggest fringe festival in the world.

It's the biggest festival in the world. It's technically the biggest comedy festival in the world as well, yeah. But it seems like it is set up to go over there and lose money no matter what. Depending on how you do it, yes. The people who are shooting for the shows where they're treating it as more of a networking opportunity than a chance to perform shows. Do you know what I mean?

There's a way you can lose a lot of money if you're spending heaps on publicity and heaps on all that stuff. We know people that have gone over there and sold out every show and lost money. Yeah, it's definitely possible to do that, but there's ways of doing it where you can make

a little bit of money and you just don't pay taxes. Oh, nice. The secret. That sounds like a bit of old pinkies. We did like this free French thing.

It's pay what you want and it's very low fees to get in. I think that's a great sale. Yeah, it really works over there. That's more of a thing where instead of you

paying all these fees and whatever, you basically put a buck at the door of the inn. Exactly like Spleen. Like your gig. Yeah. So, and it went really well.

It was fun. But so, we were doing gong shows there as well. And one of the people who was on that gong show, a similar thing. So, a gong show is the same deal where you invite people up. You have 90 seconds and then you can't be gonged. And then after that, you can get gonged by the judges at any point. Then you have to get off so someone hosts it

and then what other comedians get to go and so it's not randoms it's like actual comics he was like booking them it was actual comedians this guy was from

like Denmark or something one episode I'm going to get some guests on that can explain what the fuck they're ever talking about it's going to be a fucking dream episode

fucking googling a Facebook of a pizza place from your hometown like make this clear why you're doing this. At least you know what I'm talking about. A gong show, you get 90 seconds as a comedian to make people laugh and you can't get gonged after that. If you're not funny anymore, you can get sent off the stage.

Tay Hay at Saturday. Explain Hay Hay at Saturday. Well, so if you put your wrist into a jelly... Anyway, there's a joke about that on there, I'm pretty sure. Harry Connick Jr. would have hated that joke. Anyway, so there was a guy, he'd made a similar joke. It was one of the worst jokes I've heard and then one of the funniest things that he said afterwards

because he was a very tall man and he goes – he was this Dutch guy and he was like, I'm really tall, people always ask me to get things off the top shelf at the supermarket, which I think is really unfair because they never ask. And then he goes, they never ask a midget to get things off the bottom shelf. And then everyone was like, ah. He goes, well, you don't know what a midget is?

That was the problem. That word hasn't got to Scotland yet. Yeah, no. It's still going around. Hey, hey's air in there now. And did he get gonged after that or did he stick around? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was the last straw. Oh, damn.

I love him. There was a whole bunch of stuff. I can't remember any of his other ones. It was just that. He was genuinely thinking like, oh, okay, I'll teach them something here. Turning on them, yeah. To go back to that quote unquote funniest joke that I shouting out them something here. Turning on them, yeah. To go back to that quote-unquote funniest joke

that I shouting out broccoli and carrot. Florets. What's so infuriating about it is that A, it's a pun, awful. They love a pun over there. And B, I'd never heard the term florets before. So immediately I'm like, I'm reading this joke, I feel fucking dumb. I feel attacked by this bad joke.

Just disgusting. Just a dumb joke is smarter than me. Yes. But that's how people... It's always going to be a one-liner or a pun, though, isn't it? Because it's printable. It's got to be small. They're never going to put a good story.

And you've got to submit it via some money and a PR company. Yeah. That's how the best joke in quotes gets in there. So that's how people lose a lot of money. And the thing is because they're going for all that sort of stuff. And they're very venue heavy on where they go to, aren't they? Yeah. The Pleasance is very...

Pleasance is the big one. ...gets reviewed more than anything. Of nominees for awards, sorry, like 26 out of the 30 will be from there. Yeah, right. That sort of numbers. Officially an absolutely rigged festival. Yeah. We've heard it from Adam Knox first.

Hey, I'll say it. I'll say it, and then I'll go back on that later when I want something from them. Well, speaking of competitions and stuff, a little quick update on something we've been talking about in the last couple of weeks. I did a fundraising push on the show as part of the City to Surf. I won from the Children's Cancer Institute.

I raised the most money for them for the City to Surf and they were saying that whoever had done that was going to win a trip to Queensland. They're very unclear about what that exactly entailed. So they let me know last week that I had won a trip to the Gold Coast. How much did you raise, if I can ask? I raised, I think, just shy of $9,000. That's sick.

Yeah, pretty cool. I'll match it. That was great. I'll take it. So we were talking about it last week and we sort of started going, you know, okay, I put it out on the show and like all the, you know, the fair bulk of the money came through from people that listen to this. So it feels like, you know, we should do something kind of to do with this show kind of as a

result of me getting the holiday. It's a trip for two. I said to you, Carl, like, maybe, you know, maybe we go up. Maybe we make that the trip, you know, you come with. We'll do a show up there. So I finally, this was a week ago that they let me know that I'd won. I hit them up today and said, because I just hadn't heard anything from them. Right.

No follow on. Yep. Including like the details of, you know, you say trip, you say holiday. I'm like still unclear on exactly what that is. And look, Queensland's a big place. This is a charity that when you finish your race, you walked into a tent absolutely unmanned with half a cheese sandwich in it or something. Yeah, they were like, come join us for our little like after party in this tent.

And it was like three Cokes and a banana. Right. And then no one else, no one from the company there. Great. It's like all the money was going to the kids. Yeah, fuck them. I'm glad we've got someone to focus our ire on now. Good, good.

It does sound like you walked just into the wrong tent. I did have to look around many, many times and go, this can't be it. This looks like this tent has cancer. So I had to hit them up today to go, so... It's been a few weeks. What does this actually mean?

Can I, you know, trying to like give them a hurry on without sounding like a complete prick. Yeah. So having to sort of be like. It is weird to get a prize for raising money for cancer. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like it's weird to get some of that money.

It's a weird overall concept. Yeah. Yes. And then to have to be like hassling them. Totally. Where's that prize? Hey, cancer kids, where's my hole in it? Yeah.

Yeah. Totally. So then I'm like. You make them wishes, but I've earned the wish over here. Yeah. So I want to get in this then I'm like you make them wishes but I've earned the wish over here so I want to get in this I wish you'd get your ass

into gear and give me my fucking holiday tell you what you give me this prize right now I'm heading down to the ward I'm unplugging a few machines how does that fucking sound

yeah yeah yeah Starlight Foundation I'll make you sing in stars in a minute if you don't yeah yeah I'm going to bring some asbestos and put it back in the ceiling if you don't hurry up

with this fucking little Contiki tour so having to give them a bit don't hurry up with this fucking little Contiki tour. So having to give him a bit of a hurry up, but kind of still trying to do it in a way. So, you know, I sent him an email and I'm like, hey, you know, just really excited to get planning, you know, still trying to not be too aggressive.

Don't be passive aggressive. Get to the bottom of it, but like, you know, just like the kids, I'd like a bit of a break, you know, a bit of respite as well. I do think the etiquette is that you give it back. Yeah, you give it to kids. I think that's the etiquette. I think that's the etiquette.

Do you think it's like when it's a raffle? I must say I've not won them, but I think if you've not been at a footy club one where people bid on a luggage set and then say, I'm it back. Oh, really? Sell it again next year. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Look, I'm it back. Oh, really? Sell it again next year. Yeah. Yes. Look,

I get the concept. I wouldn't have thought it pertained to this case. But maybe... Let's just do that. In what sense? Are they going to give it? Like Georgie said, at a footy club, at a raffle or something, sometimes if you win something and then you go, ah, just put it back in. Particularly if you're associated with the club

though I think that's more like that right so you think right so because I'm just like an outsider

that that doesn't pertain yes it might have been donated in which case the kids can't use it's definitely been donated yeah

I wouldn't have thought they've not paid it out of your nine grand I wouldn't have thought that you should be handing anything back yeah until she

said it out loud and it sounded like you were a cunt for not doing it. Yeah, now it's all anyone can think about. And I will definitely be editing that out of the episode. All right. I was thinking that. It's very hard to argue against give the holiday back to the kids that have got no hair. Yeah. But anyway, so I'm having to kind of like You know Get this thing sent to me

You know Just emailing them going If anyone should understand That the clock is ticking It's you guys Like come on Ah yes Yeah

So anyway I need a bit of tan Slash treatment Yeah Yeah So we You know We were talking last week

They had said You know The prize is A holiday A trip That was the language That they had used Very generic advertising Yeah Not prize is a holiday, a trip. That was the language that they had used. Very generic advertising for it.

Not sure exactly what that's going to entail. The length, the location, nothing. Yeah. So they sent it today, and it's a voucher to the resort direct. So you and I, if we take this, we're on the hook for our flights. You're going to have to get the flights. Oh, what? Yeah.

So all I'm getting is a- Just that response again. Remember, this is a cancer charity. But still. And they've cleaned up big time. Nine grand. If you're going to- Nine grand versus, of course, your competing guy who made about seven or eight grand or something like that.

He made seven. And Adam's matching it. Yeah, I'm doubling that. Chuck in a couple of Jetstar flights. Oh, by the way, I said at the end of the episode last week that I, as it was getting down to the wire because I was like basically going like neck and neck with this other guy.

Neck on neck. As the language that they used when they emailed me about it. And I thought in the dying hours of the competition I thought, you know what, I'll put in 20 bucks to this guy, to my competition. But I also then got on that website Cameo where you can get weird celebrities to record messages for you.

And I got this character that we've been obsessed with called the Bitchy Waiter to record a message saying if Tommy doesn't win the holiday, there'll be hell to pay. And so I donated $20 to my competition, and you can put, like, a comment, you know, when you donate. And I just put a link online to that video. Just a real psycho move. Just, like, literally something the Joker would do.

So I put that, and then you can, like, reply to people. Something the Joker would do. Do well in a cancer charity, and then slightly intimidate his thing. Give more money to the charity. So you can, like, on your fundraising thing, when people leave stuff and leave messages, you can reply, right? So over the weekend I get an email notification. Kieran has replied to your message and I'm like, fuck, here we go.

Because genuinely, like, what do you do when you see that? What's the Batman going to say to your Joker? So I open it and I'm like, oh, here we go. Because genuinely, like, what do you do when you see that? What's the Batman going to say to your Joker? So I open it. I'm like, oh, this will be funny. This will be something. Here we go. This could be the start of. I open it.

It's just like all he's said is just thank you. Right. Like, did you even look at the fucking video that cost me like $30? Did you fucking pay more for the video than you donated to charity? So, yeah. So, anyway, look, we've got three nights at this resort. Fuck. It's a studio apartment.

So we can get two single beds. What part of Queensland? Because this is Queen's Undies. It's the gulf. It's South Stradbroke Island. That was going to be my next question. Is it, it's your apartment, meaning there's one big room. One big room.

And. Brutal. Like single beds. We can get single beds. We can. Oh, if we want to. You should. If we don't want to, we don't have to do that.

No. Right. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No... No. a third person if you want on a sofa bed for an extra 30 dollars a night. A 3-3 beds. Two single beds. Two single beds. And also they're like, oh, you can have a third person if you want on a sofa bed for an extra $30 a night. It's like, hang on, so I'm dipping into my own pocket to have someone sleep on the couch? I think you should take the runner up.

What is a runner up? He sounds like a riot. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I need to get the bitchy waiter to leave another message asking, Kieran, what did you get as the runner-up price? Let's post that on his... If you're going through a divorce these days, and you know how sometimes in a divorce

they'll only communicate through your lawyer? Pay for a cameo and only communicate through iced tea or whatever. Yeah, that's great. Ben, so if we're going to do this... So I'm out of pocket on this price, essentially. Yeah, yeah, no, totally. I mean, but yeah, but like, man, so if we're going to do this – so I'm out of pocket on this prize, essentially. Yeah, yeah, no, totally. I mean, but, yeah, but, like, again, another way I could see this going is you literally, like,

going to this charity, asking for them to pay for the flights, and then there's some kid, cut to some kid in a hospital, they're like, we nearly got you treated, little Johnny, but we were exactly $284 below where we needed to be. Cut to you in the air, kids kicking in the back of your seat, and you're like, hey, fuck off, kid. Yeah, and I'm hating it too. And you're turning around to the kid going,

I wish you had cancer, actually. No, I mean, I'm not even saying that they should pay for the flight. It's more that it's taken so long to find out from them exactly what this prize entailed that it's finally now, after a month and a half, it's like, oh, of course, there's no flight. What if we go back to Proney and ask them to chip in for two Jetstar flights to the Gold Coast and back? They wouldn't give you half a beer.

16 mil of beers. I don't mind that, though. Some kind of, if we say this trip, this live show that we'll do on the Gold Coast is open to sponsors. What's the difference between this and grifting? It's just that you're not wearing a fake mustache. That's literally... And tune in after the show to hear the edition

where we read out all the names of people who give us money. We just don't want to spend any of it. Yeah, I don't mind that though. Peroni presents the Little Dum Dum Club's Children's Cancer Institute Gold Coast Live Show. Right. And they just pay for the Jetstar flights up there and back. We've got the free of comm.

Catering by old pinkies. Yeah. We're getting drunk all night in the Gold Coast and then going back to our single beds and snoring and waking each other up all night. Oh, each other, you think? Oh, you don't... No, I don't snore.

Oh, you're one of them that don't know they snore. Okay. Yeah. No, I've never had it said to me by a partner that't snore. Oh, you're one of them that don't know they snore. Okay. Yeah. No, I've never had it said to me by a partner that I snore. I mean, none of them have snuck around, stuck around. Because they're snoring. You can't hear his snoring over the screaming. So now that, yeah, are you still interested in doing this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we'll put a show on on the gog. You know, it's not like it interested in doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we'll put a show on on the Gog. You know, it's not like it won't be a... Yeah, for sure. I just want you to have all the facts. Yeah, thank you. That was a bit of a bombshell revelation for me this afternoon. Literally, I was in the Gold Coast last week.

I'm going this weekend. How have you been? So I haven't spent very much time in the Gold Coast. It's got a bit of a reputation. Is the reputation earned? I assume everybody likes me, but there I felt I had to earn it. Right. Yeah, you might want to edit this out,

but I just find it obnoxious. Yeah, right. Yeah, I just didn't like it at all. Why would I edit that out? I don't know. I don't know. How dare you go off on the Gold Coast? Oh, my God.

Since you won this competition and get to go to the Gold Coast, does the runner-up get to go to the Silver Coast? I'm going to leave. He's awake again. I'm out. Best show of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival right there. So, wait, you're going this weekend, Knox? I'm going this weekend.

Have you got a con booked? My girlfriend's sister. My girlfriend's going to be furious. Please find out. Do some intel while you're up there. Yeah, I've never heard of this place. You're going to Stanford Island or something. Stradbroke Island.

The name of the resort is Cooran Cove, which I looked up the... Like, I've done all of it, I reckon. Really? It's all in a line. Like, it's just one long road with shops on it. No, but this is not on the Gold Coast. This is on its own island. Okay.

That's the giveaway. Stradbroke Island. That's the little tell there. It's not as part of the mainland. All right. Oh, you'll like this. I was looking up the website trying to find out a bit more about the actual resort. And like on the main page, right down the bottom, almost half of the main page is like

a big banner advertising all the various seniors card discounts that they have. Fuck yeah. This place is going to go off. It's on an island. Yeah. Do they have me? Is there anything you gave it free?

A third one. You missed some good shit. Georgie's talking on top of your great job. Sorry. You're on the Gold Coast on an island. They've got me meter mermaids. Nice. Thanks.

Very fucking good. Honestly, I don't know why the fuck I didn't get that competition that I paid so much money for. Oh, you're like my new favourite thing. Such a little fucking joybond. I can just imagine you in primary school. I don't know. No, I was a lot sadder then.

I don't know. No, it was a lot sadder then. This has taken a long time to get him to the capability of making a mermaid joke. Yeah. Maybe they're falling off my chair to make people laugh. This seems like a retirement holiday island then, is what you're saying. Yeah, also one of the first things that comes up

when you Google the specific resort is a news story about, you know the group Ramada? Yeah. The resort. Yeah, the hotels and resorts. One of the first things that comes up is a story from 2015 about Ramada pulling out of Cooran Cove Resort, like taking their naming rights off the resort

because it didn't meet their standards. And that's like on the first page of results. And it's from 2015. Like you've had four years to try and like bump that, you know, like employ someone to like bury that story. So now it's gone. Now this is like a home brand resort is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. They're independent like us.

Right, right, right. Like pinkies. Right. That doesn't say much for them. Yeah. Yeah. Old pinkies. Old Ramada resort.

Yeah. Old Ramada resort. Yeah, they have... Old Ramada resort. Yeah, they're Patreon subscribers of the hotel. They keep it running. Great. I like an island full of old people though. I like them. You'll fit in there as well.

You're like Cocoon. Going like, oh, I'm on a holiday because of cancer. Oh, me too. Oh, this is sick. They're advertising like stuff that's like around the resort and it's like different activities. And there is like heaps of stuff on the island that looks... There's nature walks and all that sort of stuff.

But then they're advertising at the resort that they have a VR room and the poster of the VR room is just a man sitting in front of a desktop computer. Wow, so immersive. It's like a man. He's playing Duke Nukem. That's awesome. Nerd.

Well, all right. We're trying to work this out. We're trying to work out. Is this resort? Can I ask this? Is this resort, so it's on private island or is it like...

It's not international waters, Carl. You can't do gambling. What we do is not... Right, okay. Do they have like 7-Elevens and stuff on the island? So it's like, or are we stuck on this one island? Is this a it's like, or are we stuck on this one island?

Is this a deal breaker? Yeah. Are we stuck on this one island and you can only buy drinks from this one beach bar that's going to be like $12 beers or something like that? I would imagine it's probably something along those lines. Right. Maybe. I don't really know.

Right. It's hard because you Google, yeah, I think the resort might be like the only thing on the island. I don't know. I don't know enough about it. There's probably listeners that know it well that live in the area. We could probably just look it up and find this out. Nah, fuck that. I want to open the floodgates of the DMs to just people sending us

unsolicited information that's not helpful in any way. I went to Dreamworld once. Not what we asked, Chief. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think my phone's lighting up with text already. I mean, this isn't even out on air yet. I think there's something about the VR room that smacks that they might not even have internet yet.

Yeah. Do you know, like, it might be little known about. I'm pretty keen to see this VR room. I want a flight simulator. I want to be on a flight simulator. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever see those flight simulators That are in like shopping centres and stuff They've got full on shops

Yeah I think I don't want to go in Yeah exactly There's one in QV I think Yes there's always been one I always find that It's such a weird thing to put in a shopping centre Where it's like Oh I've got to go down and get some tracksuit pants

And oh actually I wouldn't mind seeing What it's like being in a jet flight Jet fighter Have you ever sat on a plane and thought, oh, I could do this for longer? Why would you just fit that in your spare time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, exactly like a flight simulator. Oh, yeah, I just really enjoy all the bits where we don't get anywhere.

Simulating actually flying the plane, Georgie, not sitting in the seat. You're not watching a screen of just like the back of a seat. Surely you can do that on your PS4 now. Surely you can do that. I just want to sit in a seat in a shopping centre and have someone with a trolley give me some drinks. That's what I want. It's not as weird as them that sit in the massage chairs.

Who's doing that? Yeah, they're fucking creepy. I find that bizarre because it's the least relaxing thing in the world and they'll sit there and stick the coins in. I want a flight simulator as a passenger where I'm in the middle of the plane and not at the back because I don't want to sit there and have them run out of chicken. Yeah.

I want a flight simulator that's just on the screen, it's the back of the seat, and then in that seat there's a screen that's showing the SpongeBob SquarePants movie. Right. So I'm just on a long flight, you know, the experience of watching this with all the dirty bits edited out. You could just lie in your bed with an iPad and make yourself business class.

Do you know what I mean? Why would you do it in a shopping centre? Yeah. So true. I reckon like flight simulators in a shopping centre, that's something that appeals to like kind of lonely middle-aged men. I reckon they're a front for like a handjob place. Right.

Nice. Happy ending flight simulator. Yeah. A sex simulator. That's what it is. Like who's going in there other than like, you know, some guy's like, I reckon I could have been a pilot. Yeah.

Like getting jerked off. That's a sex simulator. Yeah. Really, isn't it? I guess so. Yeah. You put your dick in a hole in the wall. That's a sex simulator.

I guess. No, that's sex. Is it? I guess it is. A sex simulator is if you're watching someone else doing that and doing it roughly at the same speed yourself. Okay, if airplane simulators are a waste of time, what about indoor skydiving?

Who's doing that? Is that a thing? Yeah, like people pay to... It looks like a trampoline. Yeah, I'd do that. I wouldn't want to jump out of a plane, but floating on top of a plane, but I'd be like floating on top

of a wind tunnel would be sick. Just jump out of a plane. Oh, that's the easy way of doing it. Ridiculous to me. And they all practice the patterns.

I'm over the weight limit for skydiving. It's 99 kilos. Or at least the place I looked up on time. You can only do it if you're 99 kilos and then balls

you know them balls on water that you can zip yourself in oh yeah yeah I'm too fat for them really you sink that's so funny I love that idea that you are too fat

to be sucked downwards by gravity yeah the fact that like we have not invented a parachute like the fact that they've been able to

you know how they get jeeps into war zones? Airlift them. Oh, yeah. And I can't do that. Right. Yeah. There must be a fat person who's tried to get a skydiving discount

by going, look at me, I'm fat, I'm going to fall quicker, I'm getting less of the experience, I should get to pay as much as everyone else. I'm going to get as much peroni as everyone else, technically. If it helps, look at me, I'm not going to use the chute. I just want to kill myself That's true, I can go skydiving It's just I can't really do anything after

Can I pay at the end? Alright, we better wrap it up for another week Thanks very much for joining us Adam Knox and Georgie Carroll Things that you'd like to plug? Either of you well when does it go out immediately

what have you got you got a show coming up next year any thoughts about oh no like if it's immediately I'm doing my first theatre on next Saturday in Canberra

I'm filming it to try and flog it to people who will watch it that's cool not a DVD they're out of date aren't they and then after that

give us some detail it's Georgie Carroll in in Canberra Theatre in the Playhouse and that is on the 7th of September just go to

a-list probably or georgiecarroll.com or Canberra Theatre tickets and you'll get them and you're filming this for TV well it's weird that isn't it

you film it for TV whether they buy it or not it's a different matter but I've seen shitter things on television do you know I'm like I believe in myself I'm there I've seen shitter things on television. Do you know what I'm like? I believe in myself.

I'm there. I've seen shitter things in my show on TV. Weirdly positive way of looking at it. Yeah, yeah. As soon as we turn the mics off, I will ask you what the shitter things you have seen. And then the week after that, I opened Sydney Fringe for two weeks.

Again, georgiecarroll.com, you'll find it all. Perfect. Thank you. Go check out Georgorgie great stand-up i'm trying to sell a tv if anyone's looking to buy i don't have anything to sell to tv but uh if you're looking for an old plasma hit me up you got a few i don't really have a tv you've got a few podcasts yeah podcasts uh ooh spooky is a podcast with me peter jones and and Luca Muller, who was doing that gong show. That's real funny. It's about like we've got an old ghost story book that we go through and make fun of.

And there was one we did in Edinburgh called 25 Days where we did a podcast every day. And then Filthy Casuals with you, Tommy. Yep. Yep. That's about video games. What do you think of that, Carl? I think you two should have sex with each other.

They'll met. Because you are both virgins. Two birds with one stone, that's what I say. Virgins wasn't where I expected that to go, but anyway. All right, yeah, check all that stuff out. Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Would you say they have?

I'd say so. Great. That's great news. Welcome to Talking Dumb Dumb for another edition. My name's Tommy Dasolo. Thank you. Are you talking to me or the audience out there? I guess I'm kind of talking to both.

It would be weird if I was like, I want to talk to the audience now. You cover your damn ears. Can you leave the room for a second? I've got something to say to the people out there. Well, let me introduce you first. People don't know who that is talking. Okay. With me as always, my co-host on this show, Carl Chandler.

Oh, thank you. Thanks for having me. What's up? I'm just hanging out at your house at the Masturbatorium. You are. That's true. We are just doing the second half of the show, the Talking Dumb Dumb, which goes in the file of great ideas at the time, where we record basically a second episode, where back in

the good old days, we used to have to record one episode a week and go, this is a bit of an inconvenience. Put it out. That's it. A bit of a pain in the ass. It's done used to have to record one episode a week and go, this is a bit of an inconvenience. Put it out. Bit of a pain in the ass. It's done. But we'll do it. And then we decided, let's do this twice. But what's weird about this part of the show is that this wasn't even,

you could say like we've had things where we've gone, you know, good idea at the time. Let's do this. And then it's like, what a pain in the ass. This kind of almost happened by accident. This wasn't like we went one day, hey, let's just start adding an extra hour to the show. It was, let's get on Patreon. Well, as part of that, I guess we got to thank people.

Let's do that at the start of the show, ill-advisedly, for 20 minutes. Wow, that went a bit long. All of a sudden, that's nearly 45 minutes. Okay, I guess we'd better move that to the end. Well, now that we're not having to worry about the episode starting, we can just take as long as we want. So this was complete accident. Yes.

And I mean, I don't know. Happy accident? Happy accident? I do enjoy this bit of the show, I will say. I like this. I like talking dumb, though. I like doing it every week. You know the phrase happy accident?

Is that like, you know, say you crash your car and it actually busts your nose in a nice looking way? Oh, right. So you needed a nose job. Yeah. And then the force of your head hitting the steering wheel. Your face against a tree has actually given you quite a bit of character in your nose. Evens it out.

Yeah. I guess that's essentially what that saying means. Yeah. What would you say is the biggest happy accident in your life? Of my whole life. Of your whole life. Wow. I reckon probably getting into comedy.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that was a, certainly wasn't an on purpose thing to make comedy my career. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good answer.

Well, more accident than happy accident, but yeah. I'd say it's a happy accident. Yeah, yeah, sure. What do you think You would be doing If you hadn't started Doing comedy

Would you still be Working at the AFL No Okay You know Some people Like Common podcast

Thing is How did you get into comedy Right We should We should start doing that On this show But instead we ask How would you get out of comedy

Yeah Yeah How did you get out If comedy is also good, though. How did you? Oh, so like someone who doesn't do it anymore. Actually talking to people who got out of it and going, fuck, that's cool. Yeah. How did you do it?

Or why aren't you out of comedy? Yes. When are you going to start? Yeah. Yeah. Totally. That's a great idea. There's not too many guests on our show that should get out of comedy.

No. I mean, we don't really have them on if we think, boy, this person's got another six months in. Yeah, yeah. This guy's terrible at his job. He should quit. Let's get him on our show. Yeah. But so, yeah, do you have any inkling of what you would have been doing at this point of your life?

I was doing graphic design before I got the comedy bug. So I'm mad. I guess I'd still be doing that to some degree i assume i don't know like i definitely think i was really into graphic design and then once i got into this i i definitely felt the the passions um changing over okay being reallocated so before that period with comedy when you were just doing graphic design, what did you imagine your life being longer term? Like what was your pie in the sky dream with graphic design? Look, that's a good question.

I certainly wanted to... Because you were in-house at the AFL. Yeah. I worked at a book publisher before that. And so I was doing book publishing within the afl um so i'd like to have kept doing stuff like that um but i didn't have any pie in the sky okay ideas of like where it wanted where it should lead to where i wanted it to lead yeah no big grand kind of no yeah it was just keep moving your way up into different companies and nice work and stuff like that.

So I didn't – I mean I got into comedy when I was like 30, I think. So yeah, I wasn't like – I wasn't sort of going, fuck, I need some real concentrated plans yet. Right. With the other side of things. Yeah. I see what you mean. Yeah.

What about you? In what sense would i still be doing graphic design no no no no what would you be doing like so you start doing comedy what 16 or something i mean yeah it's it's hard to that's a hard one for me to answer because yeah it's kind of all i've known for my adult life is doing comedy in some form but just around that time 15 16 yeah and other else you were slightly interested in? I mean, you were going to school. You were studying things.

I was studying things. I definitely was very arts-driven. Before I started doing comedy, I really wanted to get into acting. I wanted to be an actor. Oh, really? Yeah. That was kind of my big plan, was that I would maybe study acting in some way.

But even then, I was like, what I maybe study acting in some way but even then i was like what i knew of acting in terms of studying it was like you have to do the you know audition for like night or whatever which just seemed really brutal and even at that point i was like i don't know if i'm cut out for that right i don't know if i'm cut out for like the potential brutal rejection of like you know finding out that i'm maybe like no good or whatever yeah you know right so i don't i don't know maybe i would have you said i don't like brutal rejection i'm gonna get into comment yeah yeah i mean maybe i don't know maybe i would have pushed like illustration stuff a bit more a bit earlier on yeah like i would have tried to do more visual art stuff but i also i think i would

have been very aware. And again, this is weird to say, given that, you know, I ended up doing comedy. I think I would have been very aware, like, well,

where's that going to lead? Like, that's going to be very hard to make a, make money, make a living off. So I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I would have done.

Three struggling careers you've named then. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Drawing and acting and comedy. Yeah. They were all things that, all the things that I was interested in doing once I left school were all like,'s your boy this is going to be rough this is going to be a rough journey

for me what's your mom and dad been like like i mean you know not only now i mean there'd be a bit more like content now yeah but early days you going all right i'm doing comedy now yeah what's the what's the reaction there well they their only child has now gone down a fucking absolutely brutal road of employment. They were... They've always been very supportive. Like, they... Like, Dad would, like, drive me to... Like, I was doing gigs while I was at high school.

So, Dad was, like, driving me to gigs and stuff midweek while I was at school, which was pretty cool of him to do. They then were pretty insistent that I go to uni like straight after school i wanted to take a year off and they were like no you'll forget how to study yeah so i went and did arts which i was kind of like oh i guess yeah i do want to have some kind of fallback and then i started an arts degree and went this isn't a fallback at all there's nothing um it's nothing well i mean i kind of was like if comedy isn't going to pan out, I want to have something that I can rely on. Like, I want to get a degree that I could get a job off the back of,

that I could rely on. And you were studying things that were not going to get you a job. Well, I mean, like an arts degree isn't going to get you a job. Yeah, I was just at uni doing like the same stuff that I was, you know, I was doing like drama and photography and stuff. And I was like, well, this isn't, you know. Right. Does that make sense?

Yeah, sort of. Like you were doing sort of generic artsy things that weren't going to directly get you a job. You don't get an arts degree and go, cool, I'm set up to get this job. Okay. If all else fails. Yeah. I've got this bit of paper that I could lean back on. Sure.

If I needed to. I don't know. Yeah, they've been pretty, I'm trying to think what probably their biggest crisis point with it all would have been with me and doing comedy. Their biggest crisis point, meaning that there were several smaller crisis points? No, well, it was your question like what? How have they reacted to that? And I mean early days of me doing it, they were pretty cool and supportive.

Because you're 16. It's like you're a kid. Who cares? Yeah. And you've got to be supportive And you've got to be like Yeah follow your dreams Like do what you want

Maybe like I think probably like Mid 20s They were probably like going Oh fuck Yeah he hasn't let this go yet What is happening here Yeah

Yeah But then it You know it swung around And now they're You know now they're stoked Now they're cool with it Yeah They just had to like You know Weather it out for a couple of years and just go,

fucking hell. They didn't push it. They didn't say, how about, I saw they're hiring at 7-Eleven or anything like that. Oh, yeah, they did all that stuff. They did. You remember when I was in the Commonwealth Bank ad? I called up my dad and told him that I'd been cast in this ad

that was going to be on TV and they were going to fly us to London and stuff, like on during the Olympics and like very, very well paid. And dad was like, Oh cool. You know, when you're filming it,

if there's anyone from the bank there, you should ask them if they have like jobs at the Commonwealth bank. That's like near your house. Right. Like as a teller, I'm like, yeah, but this is paid like really,

first of all, of the many things wrong with that, there's no one from the company there that's going to be, like, tapped in to the day-to-day operations of the Clifton Hill branch that's going to be able, oh, this guy that was in the foam suit, yeah, we'll just get him in the back door and get him working behind the counter. I was actually going to hold some interviews for the Clifton Hill branch in London, so it's lucky you're here.

Yeah, but they're still like that now. Like, there's still, Dad's a big one for, Yeah, but they're still like that now. Like there's still, dad's a big one for like unwarranted advice. Right. Like he came around here the other day and he had a stack of like old drawings of mine that he'd found cleaning out their house and he was like, you know what?

You should put these online and like sell them. And I was like, I don't want to sell those. And he's like, you know, you don't value yourself enough. Like people would want to buy these. Like there's a market for this. I'm like, I know I want to sell those. And he's like, you know, you don't value yourself enough. Like, people would want to buy these. Like, there's a market for these. I'm like, I know. I'm putting on an exhibition in three months.

Like, I'm literally doing, you know what I mean? It's just him going, well, of course you haven't thought of the idea of putting stuff out there and selling it. Yeah. You know? He's gone very quickly from, you know, what the fuck are you doing trying to work this fucking weird arty job? You should get a job in a bank too. Why don't you sell every piece of shit that's ever come out your ass? 100%.

And he's like, oh, why don't you want to? And I'm like, because it's literally something that I did nine years ago. And he's like, yeah, but people would buy this stuff. I'm like, I know, but I'm saying I'll do stuff now because it's going to be heaps better. And that I feel like there's a level of quality in that people would buy. I want to sell a drawing that I did when I was like 23 that's been sitting in your garage for that whole time. And also, look, I'm sure your little drawing is fine, but you know, what, someone's going

to buy it for 20 bucks or something? Yeah, exactly. Whatever. Yeah. You don't need to be that desperate to sell everything you find in your pocket. No, but I think in his head, he's like, you know, you put a frame on that, you'd sell that for a grand. You know, you've got a podcast.

People want this kind of stuff. Right, right. So it is, I mean, you know, it's always like well-meaning. But how have your – I mean, I guess it's different though because you got into it when you were – you got into comedy when you were like, you know, 30 and like self-sufficient so there's no like – No, but there's certainly an argument to be made that that's worse in a way because then you're throwing a big risk you've worked for something that's true quite a while you've been all the way through university to study for it

and then you've come out you've made your way through the ranks and then you've gone actually i might chuck all that out and start again but but this time in a field that's much less reliable and well-paying. Yeah. But how deep in were you that you were like, I'm really going to have a crack at this and try and make it my job versus like, I'm just going to keep going with this and just see what happens? I always said I was working a full-time job

and then doing gigs at night for a few years. And then I get to a stage where you're like, oh, gee, I'd like to – I would be at work and going, oh, man, I just wish I was at home writing jokes. If I didn't have an office job, I'd be at home writing jokes all day. I would get way better because that's all I would do at home. So I'd go to the toilet during work. If I had to go to the toilet, I'd sit there with a notepad and try and write some jokes and whatever and be like, oh, man, if only I was at home yeah so i'd like go to the toilet uh during work if i had to go to the toilet i'd sit there with a notepad and like try and write some jokes and whatever and be like oh man if i only i was at home of course once i end up being home i'm not fucking writing any jokes it's all classic yeah but um i uh said to myself if i get i'll keep going you know working a normal day job

until i get an offer of a job that i that i I can't do a day job at the same time as. So as soon as someone gives me the first full-time job in comedy, something that I can't do the other job at the same time as, well, that's when I'll quit. So then I got a job alongside you on a TV show called The White Room. Yep, classic. That was my big break. My first proper full-time writing job

and that lasted, that show went for two or three episodes? I think three. Three episodes. Wasn't there maybe another one or two filmed that then just never saw the light of day? Something like that. And so effectively I think I worked on that show for all up about eight weeks and then that, yeah,

so I worked in that other job for about five years and then I worked at this job for all up about eight weeks and then that yeah so i worked in that other job for about five years and then i worked at this job for about five weeks and then that was the end and i didn't have any job at all anywhere and then all the cast of that show and the crew basically moved on to a new show and i was like cool i'll guess i'll work on that show will i no no i won't never the way with writers. I think it was everyone except me. Really? Yeah, pretty much.

What was the show? Some sort of football show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I heard much later on, like several people said, oh, we were actually about to add you to the crew and then we got axed. I'm like, okay, well, that makes me feel. Very convenient. Yeah.

Either that's a lie or if you had done that, that also makes me feel convenient yeah either that's a lie or if if you had done that that also makes me feel bad right yeah and then them just being like when the show got ax going oh thank god this happened because now we've got a good lie that we can tell carl about why we didn't get him in yeah yeah man you know we're just about to so that yeah so that would have been my awkward uh uh years where uh my parents would have been like uh yeah, but you can always go... When they watched The White Room for the first time and just went, oh my God. And then, yeah, I think they were a bit like, for quite a while, you know,

you could always go back and, you know, what are the AFL doing? You know, they'd probably be still hiring, wouldn't they? But I mean, that's true though. I mean, you're saying like you kind of threw it all away. That's not entirely true. Like you still had a skill that they? But I mean, that's true though. I mean, you're saying like you kind of threw it all away. That's not entirely true. Like you still had a skill that if worse came to worse, you could go back and do.

Yeah, totally. I was still doing some freelancing and all that sort of stuff. And did you, by the time you left the AFL, did you have like, did you have a bit of like a rainy day fund? Yeah. Had you saved a bit? Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, man.

I'm a little squirreller. I'm not, I've never been a- Cash under the mattress. Yeah, never been a, you know, day-to-day proposition or never been living hand-to-mouth. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never been, you know, waiting on the paycheck at the end of the week or the month or anything like that. Like, no, I'm a forager.

I'm a, you know, you can count on me. I got something. I'm a forager. I'm a, you know, you can count on me. I got something. You've never been like waiting for midnight to go to the ATM to withdraw and clear that tab at the bar? I have literally no experiences anything like that. Yeah, right.

No. I can't think of any time I've even borrowed money from people. Wow. From anyone. From being like from a young age, like even when you were, you know, 19, 18 or whatever. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, right. Yeah. I don't think I – I think I borrowed money off my parents once when I was about 19 or 20.

I think that was it. It's a lot. The only time I took money – I think I went all the way through uni and then just got to the end of it and just just before i got a job just went i'm out now i'm actually out like i always had savings oh really and i just went all the way out right before i got a job right i think that's the only time and i got a couple hundred bucks from i think right i think that's the only time. And I got a couple of hundred bucks from, I think. Right. I think that's it. Yeah. Anyway, that's all a bit sad, sort of. Weirdly sad.

Not really. That's good that you've always, that you had that instilled in you at a young age. Yeah. I don't know whether it was... It's a good mentality to have. I don't know if it was instilled in me, whether it was on purpose instilled in me or whether that was somehow self-instilled. I don't know which one it is, but... I always find it interesting with that.

It would be interesting if there was a way where you could like accurately trace back and go, this is the exact moment. Because no little kid that goes, oh, I'm going to make sure I have a nest egg. Yeah. It's like it comes from somewhere. Yeah. It's not accident. No.

Look, I'd be interested. Now that I have a child, I'm sitting there in front of my child sometimes going, well, when's the bit that she's going to pick up and just keep in her head forever? You know what I mean? Like, am I going to do some absolutely fucked thing and just walk outside and slip on the tiles and crack my head open and then she's going to go, never ever take your shoes off ever again.

Yeah, right. It's a shame that it's not easier for every person to go back and work out. This is the first time something affected me in my life. Yeah. This is the age I was and this was what I saw. She's going to be 18 and meet someone having a shower with them and she's going to have like Reeboks on and be like, and they're going to be like, what the fuck are you doing with them on?

I don't know. I just always thought I have to wear them in the shower. You know, I don't know why. She'll never know. Yeah. And she'll listen to this. She'll be like, oh, right. Dad cracked his head open on the pavement.

Yeah, she'll see my dead, lifeless corpse on the tiles and go, oh, that's why. Well, speaking of quote-unquote origin stories or whatever, not to put you on the spot, but something that we teased the idea of last week. I've got it written down right here. It was the idea of having Cancer Corner. Cancer Corner right here, written down. Written down. You're not lying on a piece of paper and pen, both of which you borrowed from me.

Yes. Oh, I have borrowed, sorry. There you go. I owe you a piece of paper and a pen. And a little bit of ink out of a pen. Yes. Yep. Yeah.

Did you have any thoughts for anything you want to know? Well, what do we want this to be? Yeah, you're right. Do we want it to be an AMA? I mean, I can't really be in the driver's seat of it. You know what I was thinking during the week is that we could even do it as an all Patreon episode. We could do it as a bonus.

I don't mind just a tiny little tidbit every week. Filtering it in here and there, sure. I don't mind a little regular segment. Unless you really want to monetize your cancer. I don't know. It's up to you. It's an argument to be made that that's kind of what I've been doing for the last few years.

Sure. Okay. I guess, what do I want to know about your cancer? I do like the idea of doing a full-scale, deep-dive one, because there might be things that you want to know about that I just do not immediately have the answers for, that I would have to ask Mum and Dad about. I submit questions in advance. Maybe.

But let's see how we go with this one. All right. Let's see how many brick walls I come up against. Okay. Did you – what was the – I mean, this is a weird one for the first question, I guess. What was the best thing about having cancer as a child? Oh, that's easy. Well, two things.

I mean, no, they kind of come under the same umbrella is that you just get spoiled heaps. Right. You get spoiled heaps if you're an only child and then cancer on top of that is like, oh, baby. Right. Sport as in food, TV. So there's a McDonald's in the Royal Children's Hospital. I imagine it's still there. It certainly was when I was there.

So that's a given. You're going in for a checkup. You're going in the first, like, before you've been diagnosed, before you know what's up, your parents are like, hey, we're not going to school today. We're going into the children's hospital to get some tests done. Right. You're a bit freaked out. And they're like, they see the look and they're like, hey, you know what?

There's a McDonald's there. Yeah. We can get McDonald's for lunch. Right. And you're like, oh, fuck yeah. Right. So you get, so there's that. And then there's also, and this was common of like everyone on the ward with me,

well, for the most part, someone's birthday rolls around. There's just presents galore. Hang on, what? If you're like on a cancer ward, everyone's sick, and it's your birthday, you just get spoiled. You get heaps of shit because it's like you're in hospital on your birthday. That's brutal. Here's some stuff.

I thought you meant like- You're nine. The only thing that you understand is just like very materialistic yeah here's some toys and shit right i thought you meant you're in the ward and like it's someone else's birthday and so it's like fuck it we can't make anyone like stand out let's give everyone everyone gets presents yeah that'd be all right yeah no i mean there's a little bit of that you know someone gets a cake everyone in the ward gets a little bit of a cake. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. So that's the best bit. So does... And also early on, it's like, well, the age that I was is like, great, no school. Awesome. Missing a day of school. Right. And then, you know, be careful what you wish for because within like two months, you know, the novelty, quote unquote, novelty has worn off.

Right. And it's just like, this sucks. There's finally a negative to having cancer. Yeah this is so boring right and it was really boring because you're sitting in bed does having cancer hurt um i there's certain procedures that you have to have done that hurt right like i had to have spinal taps a couple of times which are fucking brutal yeah um and then you have chemo where you just get really sick right it's more of a sickness than a pain no there wasn't no there wasn't like an it wasn't like walking around the house going ow i think i have cancer yeah that's what i'm asking oh my cancer hurts yeah no there's just more like i think i

bumped my cancer on that wall there's just more like I think I bumped my cancer on that wall there's just more like like yeah painful procedures getting very sick when you have chemo and then weird things like I think I mentioned this last week

that I had a little tube that came out of my chest so that they could do transfusions easily yep that like I woke up in the middle of the night and that was just leaking

there's just like blood all over my oh all over my all over my bed I had to get dad to drive me to the hospital in the middle of the night to get that so leaking. There's just like blood all over my bed. I had to get dad to drive me to the hospital in the middle of the night to get that. So it's just like stuff like that where it's like, oh, this is like legitimately scary.

Right. Like I don't know what's happening. Yeah. And like I lost it, like a tooth fell out at one point. Oh. And I didn't have, I was very low on platelets, which is what, you know, the thing that you have that kind of takes care of, like if you cut yourself sealing it up. Yeah. So if you low on that, if you cut yourself or whatever, you just bleed, you know, forever.

Right. So this tooth comes out and it's bleeding and it just like, it bled for like an entire day. Just like pissing out of my gum, like all day, like holding an ice block on it to try and like numb it and whatever. And stuff like that where you're a little kid where you're just like, this is just really scary. Yeah. Like really really scary. Yeah.

Like really freaky. Yeah. So, yeah. So, no like actual pain associated with it but just a lot of like, you know, yeah, weird. Yeah, right. Like discomforts. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah. Oh, well, you – so, it was pretty easy then because nothing hurt. So – No, nothing hurt. It's a good thing. As you know, in life, unless you're experiencing actual physical pain,

everything's great. Great. Unless you see a bruise. Yeah. I'm like a Labrador. Right. My baseline is just everything's great. Right.

Sometimes someone steps on my paw, that hurts and that's bad. Right. But then everything else is just like, how great's this? Great. How great's having people around? Great. All bad. Right. But then everything else is just like, how great is this? Great. How great is having people around? Great.

All right, good. That's a nice bite-sized cancer corner. I'll think properly of some more homework questions. I wonder if people want that. Do you think that's interesting to people? Yeah. Really? I was interested just then.

Maybe we can open the gates and people can have listener submitted questions. Yeah, absolutely. If you'd like that. Well, speaking of cancer, let's open up the old untitled. Unplanned. Unplanned. Title. Title.

Alternator. Yep. Sorry. Now, you jogged here today. Yep. So, you've had to bring the mobile rig with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't have the car, so you couldn't, you know, you've had to bring the light.

Strapped it onto my back. Yep. The U had to bring the light strapped it onto my back yeah the uta light yeah strapped it onto my back it was a good little workout because you know we don't live too far apart no um so for me to run to your house isn't that bad but once you've got the uta in your back it's it's a it's you know you could sell it as its own workout really yeah um that's what a lot of people don't realize. I mean, you do pay a lot of money for the UTA, but you don't realize that it's a piece of exercise equipment, really. If you put it on your back and you run with it, it's like they say, you've got a doorway, you've got a gym. You've got a UTA, you've got a gym. That's kind of true of everything, though, isn't it?

Yeah. It's like you're buying a fridge and you're saying to the person, I don't know, man man this is a bit much yeah and the salesman being like well what you're not you know you're looking at this the wrong way yeah because this is also you know this is also weight yeah you know you get under this fridge you tip it on top of yourself you can do some benching yeah you'll have muscles in no time yeah that's yeah it's like Fisher and Paykel and World's Gym. It's all in one. Yep. Now, God's sake, I'm fucking so tired. Oh, yeah.

I'm insanely tired. Now, that would be because you're a very busy guy. You've got a new child. Mm-hmm. You know? So there's a lot of things that aren't helping you get a lot of sleep. Is there anything else that you can think might be the reason for you being tired? Anything in the recent last couple of days that you may have taken part in that would not have helped you?

I did an episode of this show last night. Yeah. That's the main reason. You were also out until 4 a.m. with me doing karaoke on Sunday. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was also that as well you were there pulling up stumps just to the bitter end and i was like man that is not the kind of behavior i would be partaking in yeah were i in that man's shoes i was fucked where you had you had birthday drinks um and we went along to that and then you or someone else suggested karaoke.

We went to that. I was drunk enough to walk in and go, right, I'll take care of the karaoke. Oh, yeah. And then they asked for $300 up front and then I'm like, okay. And it's like, yeah, but you get $200 worth of drinks. I'm like, okay.

And then I get like one round all night and then I forget about it but B, other people are coming in with rounds and I'm like, oh, night, and then A, forget about it, but B, other people are coming in with rounds, and I'm like, oh, that's just part of the tab. And then I find out later, no, it's not. So people had been paying, but my friends weren't aware that this was part of the deal. They had to go and say, hey, this is for room.

Yes. Fucking hell. Yeah. What a nightmare. So this mob is absolutely making bank out of this. Oh, K-Box, Lonsdale Street. They're loving it. Oh, fucking dirty rat cunts.

Fucking hell. Yeah, everyone else is buying rounds and I'm like, oh, easy. But like they literally didn't take anything out of that tab. Did you get a jug of like vodka soda at one point? I think you came in with a jug of like a mixed drink, which I don't think I've ever seen anyone do before. I think so. Oh, I don't know.

Okay. I don't remember. Okay. That part of the night is a real blur to me. And that's just one image that sticks out in my head because it's quite funny to see a man with a jug of vodka soda. I'm not sure if that was me. Maybe it was.

I don't know. Maybe not. But I do remember walking out when you guys were all leaving and I was like, oh, let's keep going. And you guys were like, no. And then I just walked and bought myself a full pizza at 4 a.m. and ate that and then went home and had an absolutely horrific day the next day. Yeah, where's open at 4 a.m. for a pizza?

Just a place. For a full pizza. Just some sort of Turkish pizza or something. I don't know. Whatever was open. You know, it's a city. It's a CBD. There was something open.

Oh, the other great detail about that is like the next day being so fucked for you, your first ever Father's Day. Yes. This was literally my day. Rough. This is literally my day. This is literally my day. I wake up at like 9 or 10, which is – they'll be pushing things. I reckon 9.

Like I've been let to sleep in until 9, which is very nice. Oh, in any other context, any other day you'd be like loving it. Yeah. You'd be like, how good is this? Which is lovely. Feels sprightly. Especially considering I get home at 4, 4.30 and just absolutely apparently snore my head off and kill the whole room um and then i'm finally forced to wake up at nine o'clock or whatever it is and just absolutely

horrific i'm up there for a couple of hours and then my wife's like oh well i've cooked your special father's day lunch and you know you've got a present. And she just cooked this massive big pot of spaghetti bolognese. So it's just me getting up absolutely dead, eating this huge bowl of spaghetti bolognese and going, I'm sorry, but I'm going back to bed now. And then her going to see her dad for Father's Day and me just going to bed. Wow.

Yeah. That's funny. I made spaghetti bolognese on Sunday. I spent most of the day on the couch felt pretty awful yeah it was brutal was that and then last night and then you know a day later we then do a podcast at midnight yep and then we're up to like 1 30 2 o'clock i get home about two o'clock and then i'm gonna wake up with a baby that i'm i'm absolutely all right fuck well let's i get what you're saying.

We'll do... You need to get out of here. You need to go to bed. Yes. You can pick the number of names we do this week. I'm the one always pushing for us to do so many. Yep. You pick whatever small number that you want to do. Look.

Let's see. I will do... You're desperate to get out of here as quick as possible So just pick any number you can think of Alright, okay Well, given it was Father's Day I'll pick the lucky number of Father's Day Lucky number five

Right I didn't know that was a thing The lucky number of So the day has its own lucky number. Yes, yes. Interesting. Yeah, it's a lucky number. Okay.

Of Father's Day. Right. Yeah. Do you need me to say it again? I don't need you to say it again. Okay. I'd love you to explain what it is, but. Oh, right.

Okay. Well, you know how like, you know, people have like a lucky color or whatever, you know, like a person has a lucky color. No, no, I understand the concept of having a lucky color or whatever? Like a person has a lucky color. I understand the concept of having a lucky number. Well, that's a person that can have a lucky color. Well, this day just happens to have a lucky number. That day personally just feels like five is a lucky number for it. So that day as a person. Yeah.

So Father's Day has come to life. Yeah. It's a sentient thing. It's a sentient thing. It's a sentient, yep, yep. And it feels luckier when the number five's involved. Okay. Yeah. Right.

Yep. I feel silly for having to question it. You know, like... When it's so obvious. Yeah, exactly. You know, like how Arbor Day has, like, lucky underwear. Yep. You know, that thing.

Yep, Arbor Day. Yes. That thing we celebrate in this country. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Sure. Great., Arbor Day. Yes. That thing we celebrate in this country. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Sure. Great.

Now we're clear. Good. I'm glad you've learned something, finally. Took me enough times to knock it into your dumb head. I'm sorry. You got it. I'm sorry. I get a little bit silly around Arbor Day. I tend to forget myself.

What were you watching, Full House on the way here or something? Thank you to Patreon subscriber number one, cab off the rank, Lockie Moritz. Lockie Moritz? Yeah. What do you think about this? Lockie Moritz. Yeah, it sounds a bit like that.

But here's the other thing. This person, Lockie Moritz. Now, what do you think of that name? That name's fine. It's a very serviceable name yeah we've not read this out before because I feel like I

recently on this I was saying that Morris is one of my favorite beers I don't know about that I don't think so okay this person has got a pseudonym

on there so you know when sometimes you can sign up to patreon and you can put your name on but then they just write another name. And then I go, no, I'm not reading that name out because that's not your name. So, you go to like their email address.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, that's, make up an email address. You know what I mean? If you're going to put a pseudonym in, don't then just have like Mr. dot, you know, whatever dot at Gmail. Some stupid name, Mr. Comedy or whatever it is. Like just something realistic. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So you don't want to say the pseudonym? Well, I can if you think I should. I would like to know what Lockie Moritz thinks is an amusing slash interesting pseudonym. This is how he gets his jolly. Yeah, right. And he's loving this.

He's like, I fooled him. His dick is very flaccid right now. But once I read this name out, it's going to be absolutely rock hard with semen. Yeah. He's edging right now. He's probably deliberately like kind of pausing this bit and then replaying it just to keep himself on the cusp for as long as he can. He is right now on the vinegar's stroke right now sure yeah and what what would you say is the lucky number of vinegar stroke oh lots of different things have lucky numbers yeah no i know i'm

aware yeah ferris wheels yeah yeah excuse me yeah right clouds yeah um the emotion of regret Wheels. Yeah. Dirt. Excuse me? Yeah. Clouds. Yeah. The emotion of regret. What's its lucky number? It's only got unlucky numbers. Oh, right. Yeah. Damn, that's real sad. Yeah, it is.

The name of Lockie Morris, the big time comedy name that this guy's coughing up. Funny man. Yeah. You know, he's discovered that he has superpowers. Now, what's my alias going to be? Yeah. If I know anything about comedy, it's that you should build something up

and say how funny it's about to be as much as you can. Right. And then it will absolutely pay off. Always. The more you take a big run up, the more you're like, you know what? I'm back doing what I absolutely love doing. All the other stuff that I do, that's just a side project.

This is the number one. The more you hype that up, the better it's going to be. I'm back doing it a lot nowadays. I'm the best at this. I've always been the best. I've got a big sack full of this right now. And here it is. Here it is.

Daryl McNackers. Daryl McNackers He's done it again Love it Love it They're really good Yeah Do you think he Now do you think he knew

That we were going to get to the bottom of this Like do you think he knew When he put the email in He's like there's no way this is going to fly They'll see right through this You know he knows he's having a bit of fun with us. Or do you think he thought, these stupid cunts are going to think this is a real person's name?

I reckon, do you think he thinks we're so stupid that we're just going to go, Daryl McNackers, that's a weird name. Where do you reckon, do you think back in the old days, do you think that someone was doing some professional McNackering for a living? Right, he just wanted to hear that again. Or what about this? Let me blow your mind with this possibility. Daryl McNack is the real name and the email address is fake.

It's an alias. It's a pseudonym email. And he thinks Lockie Moritz is just a hilarious, stupid name. No, not a hilarious, stupid name. A hilarious thing to have as an email address. Right. He's just like, this is such a stupid name because he knows a guy that went to his primary school that stuck his dick in a tree whose name was Lockie Moritz.

And so for everyone that he went to school with, everyone's like, that guy's acting like a real Lockie Moritz over there. Yeah, he's one of those people that tells you a story at a party, forgetting that you don't have the key context of what makes it funny to him. Oh, right. It's a real like you had to be there kind of thing. Right. So he's filling it out and he's laughing so much.

Right. He thinks that's going to be contagious. Right. Not knowing that we're going to just be in the dark going, what's so funny about Lockie Moritz? Yeah. And now he's like, oh, man. Yeah, the dick in the tree thing.

What if he stumped us both? What if he's actually gone, you know what? I'll put that in. And these guys will either think that, ha, ha, he, they think that, you know, I've made up this fake name, Daryl McNackers, or that he's thought the Lockie Morrits is a stupid name. What if he's relying on us thinking that, but what's happened in actuality is he's just gone halves in a Patreon subscription.

And now we're reading out both names for the price of one. Him and Lockie and Daryl are old mates and have just gone in halvesies. Right. And so, you know, it's Lockie's email address. Yeah. So he's really the one pulling the weight here. Yeah. Because he's the one getting the content emailed to him.

So he's having to download that bonus episode. Then he's having to send it on separately to MrMcNaggis at gmail.com. He's the one waiting on Daryl to stump up the actual half of the money. And Daryl's probably going, I know we've been paying this subscription for a fair while now, but I'll pay you back. I'll give you the money when our name's read out yeah yeah yeah right right well i mean it's not you know in this day and age we still you still see couples who will like share a facebook account oh yeah or an email address yeah so it's not it's not crazy

to think that there'd be two people that would you know that would team up together to split five dollars a month on patreon what if what if he has just what if i'm gone i've gone back on that now i'm thinking what if he's just used this chance to pitch a new character for funny fellas oh right our burgeoning tv show yeah yeah i haven. I haven't talked about Funny Fellas for a bit. Yeah. Darren McNackers. I don't mind it. Yeah. Darryl. Darryl McNackers. Oh, Darryl.

Sorry. Darryl McNackers. So, Darryl McNackers, in my head, he's like a... The character's like a... He's some kind of like late night talk show. He's like a TV show kind of host, game show host or something. Okay. Right.

That kind of vibe, don't you think? Okay. What? And he's just starting up a new show now or something? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. There's an opening. Okay. What? And he's just starting up a new show now or something? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right.

There's an opening. Okay. Yeah. Right. They're always looking for new content on TV. Yeah. Sure. You know?

I was thinking maybe. Fresh face on the air. Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah. Just. No. He could be on for a couple of weeks or something.

Maybe. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Hopefully more than that. Yeah. Sure. No one goes into something only wanting to do a couple of weeks or something? Maybe. Yeah, sure. Hopefully more than that. Yeah, sure. No one goes into something only wanting to do a couple of weeks.

He'd be wanting to do longer than that. I don't know. I mean, that's sort of what I was hoping when I quit the AFL. But you know what? That showbiz. Do you know what? That's literally what, when we did the live show from Sydney, and I think we talked about this,

but Husey was supposed to do it. Husey was working on The Masked Singer. And I get a text midway through the show just going, yeah, I'm not going to make your show after all. Oh, well, that's showbiz. Fuck yeah. No, I didn't know that. That's great. Well, thanks, Daryl. Thanks, Daryl. Thanks, I didn't know that. That's great.

Yeah. Well, thanks, Daryl. Thanks, Daryl. Thanks, Lockie. Thanks, Daryl and Lockie Productions. Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Tennille Rial...

Oh, God. God. Tennille Rialini. Rialini. Rialini. R-E-A-L-I-N-I. Riolini? Riolini?

Riolini? Yeah, Riolini. Riolini. Riolini? Riolini? I think it's probably Riolini. Tennille Riolini. Riolini.

I like it. It's great. I like Tennille. I'm a big fan of the name Tennille. It is. It's great. I was friends with a girl called Tennille when I was like maybe 19. And then I don't think I've met anyone called to neil since then yeah i think i met a childhood to neil and i don't think i've met anyone since yeah it was my first

like sort of group of friends out of high school you know where you meet people with names you've never heard before at school and you see and you think i'm sure i'll meet dozens of you know this is the dawn of the new era yeah i'll meet dozens of you know this is the dawn of the new era yeah i'll be meeting at tenille every every week of the year yeah and then it's like since then nothing you know what i'm i'm a bit sad i didn't add tenille to the uh to the baby name list to your as in your personal yeah one your contention yeah yeah i mean i really only had eyes for blanket but you know tenille, Tennille, that could have been the one name better than Blanket. It's good.

I mean, it's hard to imagine that such a thing is possible. It's good because it's unique without going full, you know, Bogan, you know, like trying too hard to have something different. Yes. It's very unique, but it's like people know what it is. It's still like a kind of a classic name. Yeah. Tennille Chandler. Strong.

Strong name. Yeah, not too bad. Yeah. Is it too late? Is it too late? I don't think it is. I mean, I know I talked about this, but I genuinely tried hard to add Samui as a middle name. And it got absolutely nowhere.

It got absolute... The definition of short, shrift. But can you imagine, like, your daughter in her teen years? It's already going to be difficult. You know, already plenty of reasons to, like, hate the parents. Yeah. And then finding out your middle name that you get teased about is because your dad wanted a joke for his podcast.

Well. I don't think he'd ever come back from that. It's still a nice name. It's okay. It's a nice name. You don't have to'd ever come back from that. It's still a nice name. It's okay. It's a nice name. You don't have to defend it to me. But I don't reckon, I really don't reckon you'd ever come back from that. I reckon that would breed at a certain age. Once you worked out

what had gone on, I think that would breed a lot of resentment. At age 16, would you really care what you've been given as a middle name? Do you really care about your middle name? Do you really give a shit? I don't care about it, but'm saying like that age is when you know traditionally it starts to get a bit dicey with the kids you know they're a bit like oh yeah fuck you mom and dad whatever okay so it's like finding out i mean i don't i like my middle name it's fine but if i

found out that you know my dad did it for a joke on a fucking old time AM radio show that he used to host. Yeah. It'd be a bit like, come on, man. Right. That's pretty whack. So if,

if, if you found out that, if I found out that Howard was the name of a small Thai Island that he loved going to. If you found out that, that Howard was the, was the, the name of a guy who we gave $5 to eat a piece of his shit. And was like,

that, that was fucking so funny. I'd be like, there's so many names out there. Why did it have to be that? That would be quite remarkable. Dad naming me after someone that he paid to eat... $5.

$5 to eat his shit. Yes. I mean, now that I think about it, I don't know. I mean, finding that out at 16, you are really right in the wheelhouse to find that as funny as you're ever going to find it. So maybe, I don't know, maybe my relationship with my dad would be better than it is now. Or maybe it would be worse because he unveils that story when you're 16

and goes, you know what Howard means? It's named after a guy I paid $5 to eat a piece of my shit, which means that's you. You eat my shit. Yeah, well, I'd like to think he'd have a little bit more tact than that. If he's aware that he's potentially going to be offending me, he would come at it from a slightly different angle. Maybe then if I'm cool with it,

maybe that's something he starts to wheel out when I'm in my 20s. You know, you enter a different phase of your relationship with your parents where you want, you know, you have a beer together. Right. It's like, you eat my shit. You've had your first kid. I've always waited for you to have your own kids so you can experience the joy of what I gave

when I paid $5 for someone to eat my shit and then I named you after him because you eat my shit. And then the cycle continues. I find out that this is something that's passed down through generations in the all-stop family so then i when i'm getting ready to have a kid one day i'm desperately trying to find someone to pay five dollars to eat my shit well what happens is after your dad tells you that you get so mad you start fucking just throwing haymakers at your dad yep you pin him down. You shit in his mouth. Oh, my God.

He then eats your shit. And then you have your daughter and you give her middle name Dad. That all rolled off way too easy. As if it's something that you've thought of many times before, independent of this discussion. You've just had this fantasy about me shitting in my dad's mouth. I like that you automatically assume I would have a daughter too. Oh, it was just my fantasy that you would have a daughter.

Yeah. And that you would give the middle name of your daughter the name Dad. I mean, it's way more of a move to just go in first name. This is my daughter, Dad Allsop. Tennille Dad Allsop. Tennille Dad Allsop. Tennille Dad Allsop. Yeah. It's not bad.

It's all right. All right, well, thanks, Tennille. Thanks, Tennille. How'd you like that one? Start off with, what a beautiful name you've got. Anyway. Imagine shitting in your dad's mouth. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Deb Mundy.

Deb Mundy. Deb Mundy. Deb Mundy. This is one that I see pop up on the socials a little bit. Yeah. Some guttural noises in there. Deb. It's not Tennille Riolini, that's for sure. Deb. Deb Mundy.

I feel like it's an interesting move to go by Deb when you're backing it up with Mundy. You would think that you would want the full flight of Debra. Debra Mundy, that's a way different proposition. What do you prefer? Debra, D-E-B-R-A, or Debra? I guess Debra. I like the O in there. I like the O as a letter.

Simple. No beginning or end. Just keeps going forever. Perfect loop. Unlike some of this other bullshit they try. What about when they try a why as a vow? Any thoughts on that? What do you mean when they do?

Isn't it, was that a thing that they just one day went, why as a vow is cancelled? Sometimes people just say it's a vow, but it's not a vow, is it? It's, but I've never been clear. I feel like we've talked about this before. Have we? I've never been clear on what the actual ruling is. Yeah, I don't either. Is it in some languages or something?

I don't know. I don't even know if there's a rule. I think just sometimes people go, no, but it's sort of a vowel. And then you go, oh, okay, is it? But it's not. I've got to work this out. Yeah.

Okay. What should I ask? Is why a vowel? Why isn't should I ask? Is Y a vowel? Why isn't Y a vowel? Is Y a vowel? Yeah. When is Y a vowel or consonant? Here we go.

Oh, fucking hell. It's one of these things where it's like... No straight answer? Give us a straight answer. No, it's just like, this is how it starts. By first grade, we were taught that the letters A, E, I, O, and sometimes Y are vowels. No. Just get down to fucking brass tacks.

Technically, the terms vowel and consonant refer to speech sounds. Oh, my God. Okay, here we go. Y is considered to be a vowel if the word has no other vowel, such as Jim or my. The letter is at the end of a word or syllable. Candy, deny, bicycle, acrylic. The letter is at the end of a word or syllable. Candy, deny, bicycle, acrylic. The letter is in the middle of a syllable. System.

What? That's insane. That's way too much bullshit to remember. So, but like, okay, why is a vowel if you use it in gym? Just make it not a vowel. Yeah. Why do you desperately need a vowel in the word gym? Why are you so fucking desperate for a vowel?

Why can't you just say it's all consonants? Because what's the ruling in Wheel of Fortune? Yeah. Was it a vowel in that or not? I don't think it was. I mean, I feel like once that came along, they should just go, whatever Wheel of Fortune thinks, that's the official ruling. Yeah.

If you're not paying money for it on the board, then guess what? Yeah. It's been downgraded. It's a consonant. I would love to find a video of an episode where gymnasium's in an answer somewhere, and they've said, I'd like to guess why, and it comes as like just ding, ding and it's like sorry but it's a fucking vowel if it's in gym. Although if it's in gymnasium... Does that mean if it's in gym

G-Y-M it's a vowel but if it's in gymnasium because there's other vowels within the whole word, it's no longer a vowel. These fucking conditional vowels... But if it's at the end of the word or syllable and then also if it's at the end of the word or syllable, and then also if it's in the middle of the word or syllable.

Man, this is... Look, I hope you don't mind. I would say it's almost more, at that point, it's more vowel than not. I hope you don't mind me saying this too much, but that is fucked in the head. That's fuck. That's idiots in the head. That's fuck. That's idiots taking control there.

That's my hot linguistic take too. That's bullshit. Yeah. That's some damn bullshit happening there. Yeah. Straight up. I'm off it. I'm off the letter Y.

Yeah. I'm done with it. Yeah. You're supposed to be engaging kids in spelling and stuff like that, and then they pull out these bullshit rules. engaging kids in, you know, spelling and stuff like that, and then they'd pull out these bullshit rules. Like, how do you expect foreigners to figure this shit out when people that have spoken this all their life

can't make head nor tail of it? Well, so here's the pertinent question. How will you be bringing your daughter up to believe that why is a consonant or a vowel the big question that every parent has to ask themselves as they get to the eight-month mark? Yeah, right. That's a good question.

Right. I will be saying why is not a vowel. Easy. Yeah. And it's all based off this right now. Yeah. And when she asks, when she comes home from school one day and she goes, All the kids are talking.

All the kids are saying that why is a vowel and I was arguing and saying it wasn't and then they pull out this big placard that just says Jim and point at me and say you're a fucking idiot yeah why did you make me believe this and i'll say i was really tired one night and sort of hung over and i couldn't be fucked thinking any more about it and so i just made a statement and that was it that's it yep that's that's all you can go and if you don't like it, you can live somewhere else. Get the fuck out of my house. Wow. Yeah. That's heavy.

Yeah. But I think that's fair. You know, you've got to learn. It's a harsh lesson, but we all went through it with our parents. Yeah. We all went through all of our grammar arguments as young children and told, get the fuck out of my house. If you're going to spell program with an E in the end of it,

you can go and sleep in the fucking main drain in Maribor. Here's a program for you. You on the fucking street, dumbass. Yeah, you can use a program as a fucking blanket on a park bench, you stupid hobo little cunt.

Something very funny about calling your child a hobo. Why don't you get your little bindle and fuck off? Thanks, Deb. Thanks, Deb. Thank you too. Patreon subscriber, Dan Beasley. Oh, God. No?

Don't know. Don't love Dan, I'm afraid. Don't? I don't mind it. Really. I don't mind it. Really? I don't mind it at all. It's obviously, in my head, the preferred version of any extended version of that name. It's better than Danny.

It's better than Daniel. Dan. I don't mind Danny. Oh, yeah. You've swayed me. Okay, I'm back on Danny. Really? Wow, that was easy.

I'm fucking pretty delirious at the moment. Yeah. Yeah, I'm back on Danny. Really? Wow, that was easy. I'm fucking pretty delirious at the moment. Yeah. Yeah, I'm swaying in the breeze. Well, I guess the problem with Danny, though, is that it's got the new official enemy letter of the show. Why? Yeah. That's it. Oh, we got this enemies list.

Yeah. Guys, you're only going to need to make two strokes for this one. Yeah. Why? Yeah. Folks, if you see any whys out there in the wild, send us a photo and let us know. Is this the new 69? Yeah.

You have to cross out the whys. Yeah. Yuck. Yeah. Get rid of all whys. Do what you can. Yeah. We had a good time with people writing, listen to the little dumb dumb club on toilet walls.

Yeah. What we want you to do now is put a big change that y into an x yes change it into fucking anything up upscale it in the alphabet by one letter yep yuck yuck the official enemy letter of the show dan b well beasley still got a y on the end of it oh god this guy's so ideally this guy is now called dan beasel okay i can respect him i can respect him a little bit more for not going by Danny because he's already like, oh man, I've already got a Y at the end of the surname. That I'm stuck with.

But Daniel, I've got an option here. I'm a fun-loving guy. I'm a bit carefree. I'm a bit silly. I'd love to go by Danny, but I've got to minimize the damage here. I can't walk around with two Ys in my name. It's suicide.

Although, you know what? Me, personally, who am I to talk? Going around by Tommy? I've got a wire right there. I'm no better. Damn. It doesn't make much difference to you. Tom Dasolo.

Tom Dasolo. This guy, Dan Beazle. We're all fixed. There we go. I like that. Beazle, that's way better. Yeah. I don't mind that at all.

It's a little bit like when characters in cartoons have two obviously cartoony names. Right. You know, it's a bit... Oh, Mr. Beazley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bit like, get out. Fuck that. Is it a bit some sort of fucking idiot door-to-door salesman or chimney sweep or something?

Yeah. You know, this cunt knows Mary Poppins in some way. I don't know. Yeah. Something like that. Fucked her. Whereas Dan Beazle, that could be anything. Beazle I like.

That could be anything. Dan Beazle. You've got a whole life ahead of you. You've got the Z in there, so you've still got a bit of a flavour of something a bit... No Z, my friend. Something a bit... There's an S. There's a Z sound, but that's an S.

That's an S. It's a B-A... I'm back off it. B-A-A... V-E-A-S-L-E. Now that we've chopped off the Y at the end. Beazle. Yeah. I hate this. Go off the Y at the end. Beasel. I hate this.

Go easy, man. Sounds a bit like easel, I guess. And you like that? Well, you know. You don't mind that? You know, I'm painting at the moment. Thank you. I'm using an easel every day.

It's pretty cool. You're going through your blue period, aren't you? Yeah. Yep. Great. And may I say, on top of all of this, that he is chipping in. You know, we had Daryl McNackers, you know, doing his funny little trick. Splitting it.

Yep. This man is one of the people that are chipping in a specific amount of $10.69. Very nice. A month. So, just a nice little… Man, I'd love to be a bit more... He seems like a fun guy. It seems less fun now that there's not a Z involved.

Let me ask you this. The S that's there, is that when you look at the S, is it just a straightforward S? Or is it like the S that you draw on a notebook when you're in high school? You know, like the stussy, the diamond. Because if that's how he spelt his name, B-E-A, and then big flamboyant S in the middle, then I'm back on board. The UTA doesn't have any sort of Mambo Stussy fonts loaded, so I can't see any of it.

Right. There's no surfwear fonts that are on this computer, unfortunately. We haven't paid for the upgrades. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That's a failing on our part. Someone say that would be insanely unnecessary. Well, previously I would have agreed with you, but now here we are.

This is the difference between this guy being as dull as dishwater or being a really cool guy. Yeah, yeah. No, that's fair. All right. Well, I can see you nodding off. Yeah, I's fair. All right. Well, I can see you nodding off. Yeah, I really am. It's like you look like you've just been filming a sketch about heroin. You look drowsy as.

Yeah. I am fucking so tired. I am so tired. What are you writing? What am I writing? I'm just writing notes to myself. Okay. Yeah.

Oh, you're planning to take that piece of paper with you, aren't you? You're going to take that off-site. Is that not cool? All right. What are we up to now? Probably we've done two, right? We'll do three more. No, I'm glad.

I'm glad we haven't. I'm just going back through the records. We've got one more. Yeah, right. What more to do? One more. I'm glad we haven't. I'm just going back through the records. We've got one more. Yeah, right. One more to do. One more. One more. Okay.

Yep. Oh, God. All right. Here's number five. Here's the final one. Wow. All right. What?

Well, it's a bit – okay. You know how we – at the start of this, at the start of the names, we had sort of a little issue. We've got a similar issue happening again where we've got someone using a name and then you go, is this a fake name? And then you have to go back through the email address. Check the email, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Right. So what should I do here? I'll read out what they want me to read out first And then I'll expose them I guess Is that what I do? Through the email address? You do whatever you think would be best Alright well look

This guy does chip in a lot Okay how much money? I guess $69 Wow So I guess we should I should give him to his His needs to start with. Okay, you're right.

So you pay that much money. Yeah. Your wishes should be respected by the people receiving the money. I think that's a very mature way of looking at it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So apparently this man's name chips in $6,000 a month.

This guy's name is Mr. Comedy. So this is the pseudonym that they've put. Right. Okay. Mr. Comedy. Yeah. So his first name's Mr. His last name is, I mean, comedy.

I mean, that's what I would say is a bit of a fake name because you go, comedy, I don't think I've ever heard of anyone with that last name. Can I make a suggestion? Mr. Comed. Oh, yes a suggestion? Mr. Commed. Oh, yes. Nice. Mr. Cummed. Get that Y off there.

Mr. Cummed. Mr. Cummed. Mr. Cummed. Yeah. Wow. What a good idea. All of a sudden, that's cooking. That's good.

We've really reinvented the wheel here, haven't we? All right. That's nice. We've really reinvented the wheel here, haven't we? All right. That's nice. Mr. Cummed. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that's the alias.

Yeah. I can't wait to hear what the real name is. Well, you know, that's his funny name. Anyway, let's get back to reality. All right. Thank you to, and he's, well, you can obviously see what his real name is off the back of his email address, what his real name is. Oh, yeah, okay. Are you going to dox this guy and just read out the whole email address?

I guess so. Okay. Yeah. Potentially a little bit irresponsible, but why not? Yep. His name is GarySuckMyDick at Yahoo.co.uk. GarySuckMyDick. Yeah.

All one word? Yep. All lower word? Yep. All lowercase? Yeah. Wow, he managed it. He didn't have to put like a date of, you know, not GarySuckMyDick69 or anything. He's like the first one. Yeah.

Wow, he must have really gotten in on the ground floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He must have like been in there when doors opened at Yahoo. Yeah, at Yahoo.co. At the UK branch. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It was soft launched in America. He missed out there and he thought, you know what?

I'm relocating the family to Britain so that I can get this email address that I want. And you know what? Once you're a bit older, like he's obviously a bit older because he's chugging in 69 a month. Like you tend to get more money from the older people. Yeah, that's true. So he's been around since the start of Yahoo, I'd expect. This is the super that we're getting. Yeah. He's true. So he's been around since the start of Yahoo, I'd expect. This is the super that we're getting. Yeah.

He's retired. This is the midlife crisis. This is his equivalent of getting in the Ferrari. Yeah. Just chucking in 69 big ones a month to us. Silk shirt, gold chain, flashy sports car, and a Patreon subscription. Sick of walking around for 50 odd years with such a boring name

like Gary Suck My Dick and thought he'd give himself a little bit of titillation. Call himself Mr. Comedy. Mr. Calmed. Yeah. Well, it takes all types. Thank you.

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