The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 466 - Dave O'Neil & Andrew Wolfe

Episode Date: September 11, 2019

We're joined by DAVE O'NEIL this week as we welcome in a new guest: ANDREW WOLFE! We get into Wolfey's background as a stockbroker and his current living arrangements before discussing a recent moral quandry that Chandler's been having, and getting an update on our missing Peroni! MELBOURNE! We're doing a small live podcast quite soon. September 13, 8:30pm.PERTH! We're coming back with our yearly massive show. October 13, 4pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Dave O'Neill and Andrew Wolfe. We have a bunch of live things coming up. Come and see us if we're coming near you. littledumdumclub.com is where you can find all the information about that. We are going to chat to you about some other things after the episode is finished in a little segment that we call Talking Dum Dum. But until then, sit back, relax and enjoy this episode with Dave O'Neill and Andrew Wolfe. Pardon me.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Hey, dickhead. Tommy Dasolo I wonder when it first went on. You're on really... You would have been in the first ten episodes. This is really interesting how we choose our guests because you're a good example of a famous person, someone who plays well with others.

You're a former celebrity. That's what we do. Team supporter. We like to get people like you. Did you say form of celebrity? Former. I thought you said former. No, no, no, no.

I was just on Celebrity Name Game five times. Oh, great. Oh, really? You should see the look on the people's faces when I walk out. Are you trying to beat your Spix and Spex record on Celebrity Name Game? Well, you're a celebrity, so we get people like you. We get people that we know in the business that are mid-level, mid-level on their way up and stuff.

And then every now and then we just take an absolute fucking stab in the dark. And we try and get, instead of someone good or someone famous, we go, this guy could be as fucked in the head as Nick Capa. Mate, well, that's what I love. You set me up nicely there. But I think anyone can get on Celebrity Name Game, to be honest. Oh, you think it's harder to get on this show? I've watched that show.

This is more barriers to entry. They do have some questionable celebrities. They had a pop plant on last week. That's ridiculous. That pop plant was from Neighbours, mate. Yeah, man. That would be one of the more

infuriating social media presences to get on where it's like, here's who's on this week on Celebrity Name Game and it's just nothing but people going, who? Who?

Is that what the game is? I thought that was what it was. Celebrity Name Game, who is it? Right, right. And you spend 30 minutes trying to Is that what the game is? I thought that was what it was. The celebrity name name, who is it? Right, right. And you spend 30 minutes trying to work out what celebrity. It's an unwritten rule, really, I think, when you walk out. Well, I walked out and there were two women I was playing for. $10,000 I could win.

Right. And they were two women from the Salvation Army. And so I thought, you know, I'll be fine. I said, oh, yeah, we know each other. We know each other from the shelter, you know. Oh, that's so good. That is very funny. That rings a bell now.

Now that I've seen Celebrity Name Game, I do look at them sometimes and go, oh, which one's which? Like, you don't know which. Who's the contestant? Oh, yeah. And it's like, if you're a punter going on it, you'd be stoked.

It's like, I wonder who I'm going to meet. And then there's some days where you're watching it go, and you're not masking it at all. Just like, what a bummer rep to be on. Oh, no, totally. You can see people, like contestants, have been coached to really be emotive to whatever happens because it's like, and here it is,

the replacement bass player from the Uncanny X-Men. And they go, oh, fucking hell. Oh, my God. I'd be so excited by that. It's a Milky Bar kid. I've seen enough lineups for that show pop up. And you know, who am I? I'm never anyone

to like look at something and go oh should fucking be on that but I've seen enough things pop up for that show where I'm starting to get that about that show of like

you know what I mean like yeah but I'm still seeing the worst celebrity going I can't make it yeah so who I was on with

Damien Walsh Howling oh yeah from Blue Heels and Underbelly Griddle Colleen Emma Asciano honestly can you imagine

like you know for all of what I've said about you know their emotions when they see someone walk out if they say and here you you've got someone

from a podcast like fucking hell from the Dum Dum Club on the Masked Musician you'd be a fan it could be a listener we could get lucky you know what I mean

like they could be stoked yeah but the audience would be. You know what I mean? They could be stoked. Yeah, but the audience would be very musically. That's true. There's not much audience there. Oh, really? Really? How many people are there? Most are on the show.

40 maybe? Yeah, right. You look familiar. You can be a celebrity. I think it's got more to do with the fact that I played Taboo the other night, which is essentially what Celebrity Name Game is. And I was like, yeah, this is fun. I'd like to do this on TV.

It's good fun. Yeah. Where do they film it? Sydney, in Sydney. Get a trip to Sydney? Channel 10. But what is Channel 10 now? It's just in Piermont. It's in Piermont. Oh, okay, no worries. Do they still have a studio? Yeah. Now that everything's online?

In my head, it's someone's apartment. It's like a miniature Hollywood. Studio 10's going on at the same time. Have they got little golf cars driving around? It's a legit TV show. In my head, it was three people with an iPhone. So what do you think? Channel 10 has just gone, well, the internet's been around.

Time to just shut up all the studios. I just thought it was that sign. Channel 10 are still a TV station. They're not just professional YouTubers now. They're not just filming shows selfie style. You should tell the audience, man, because they get in the same numbers. they're not just professional YouTubers now. They're not just filming shows selfie style. You should tell the audience, man, because they're getting the same numbers. So, Wolfie, yeah, there was heavy debate over the last couple of months in a Dum Dum HQ.

Should we roll the dice on Wolfie? Do we think this will pay off? Well, it's immediately failed. No, I think it's paying off so far. It's going okay so far. Yeah, yeah. So, you're from Perth. You're a comic from Perth.

Well, I started in Sydney, but I moved over there. I didn't want to, but I got dragged there by my partner. I should have had a job there. No, we had kids and we couldn't handle them. They were in Perth, so you had to go. No, we couldn't handle being parents. You adopted them out to parents in Perth. Our grandparents look after them.

They're senile. They don't even know they're in the house. We can go out. Hey, save money on nappies. What's that noise? That's your grandkids. Was your partner from Perth? Yeah, we're both from Perth.

Oh, you're both from Perth originally? I would have stayed in Sydney. Yeah. We live nearby. We're separated now, so she probably doesn't want me talking about her. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's fine, mate.

It ended sadly. I'm glad I brought this up. What other way does a relationship end? Let's be honest. Maybe she'll hear this and be so impressed by a performance on the little dum-dum club. Maybe she'll call me that. I can only hope, hey. Either that or maybe you'll go so well on this, you'll get picked up for celebrity name game.

And then you'll fall in love with a celebrity on there. I could be a celebrity. With a fellow celebrity. Yeah, well, I went on with Emily Tahini from Mad as Hell. She's single. She's a lovely girl. You could end up on there and fall in love with one of the Shantuzis or something like that. That would be a bit old for Wolfie.

You're like a cougar. Mate, have you met someone on set before? Have you done that? Has that happened? What, met who? You're married, aren't you? I've had the same partner for years. I thought you were asking Dave O'Neill if he's ever talked to someone on the set of a TV show.

I met like a partner. I wonder if that story happens. It must happen a bit. Oh, all the time, definitely. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't get any interest, even at gigs, but obviously it's because they seem apt. No, but you're a comedian.

They don't like it. They're more scared of me. I think actors do But comedians less so So what you're trying to say Is that you've never picked up Someone on set of a TV show Right

And how many TV shows Have you been on? Well none really Really No the problem is You get back in the dating scene But you've got the memory Of what you used to be

Right Do you know when you were younger? I'd agree with that But you realise they've been Just compromising for 10 years So your partner She's going well now, though. You know, in every relationship that breaks out,

one person ends up doing better as a result of it. She's happy as Larry. So what? She's on, like, WTF with Mark Maron right now. She's lost weight. She's making a lot of money. And I'm living with my parents, and even they want me out of the house.

Have you really... I put on a lot of weight. I'm smoking again. Have you really moved back to your parents' house? Yeah, yeah, I live there, but reluct house? Yeah yeah I live there but reluctantly How old are you? You must be in your 30s It's fine

they've only grounded me once It's not a big deal It's not a big deal I get lunch made for me Dad could drop you to gigs It's embarrassing that's probably why I haven't picked up

I have to ask for permission Can I let this girl come in? Yeah yeah You're about to get to second base and your dad walks in and taps his watch It's a school night Andrew Wow so you're really Can I let this girl come in? Yeah, yeah. You're about to get to second base and your dad walks in and taps his watch.

It's a school night, Andrew. Yeah, yeah. So you're really living with your parents? Mate, I'm living there. And we rotate, so we've got 50-50 custody. So I'm there with the two kids as well. Oh, wow. In your childhood bed. Are you in your childhood room

so you've still got all the glow-in-the-dark stickers? I still pose as them. All the Star Wars stuff. It's me lying in the same bed, but with now two kids alongside. Right, right. Oh, my God. I used to masturbate in a sock,

and now you see the results. The result of it all. The room that you're living in now is actually ideally set up for your kids, but not for you. Well, the thing is, it's not exactly the same because my parents were very relieved when I left,

so they ripped all the posts down and stuff. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're doing very well. Yeah. Thank you very much. But what's... And now, so everything...

I don't know you super well. Now, everything I know about you, I always think, oh, you're basically like another version of Kappa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is our Kappa breaking case of fire,

in case he catches fire. Yeah, that's true, man. I'm the unsuccessful Kappa. Yeah, for me. For me, fuck. That's brutal. I'm the barley version of Kappa. So a random fuck-up type like Kappa. Is that what you're saying he's like? Yeah, for me. Fuck, that's brutal. I'm the Bali version of Kappa. A random fuck-up type like Kappa.

Is that what you're saying he's like? Yeah, like another... He's obviously got responsibilities. A spare Kappa in terms of personality and even a bit looks. But he's the big... We need a backup of everyone on this podcast. That's the ideal scenario. I'm Bizarro Kappa.

Yeah, yeah. But that is... That's going to be my point. You are Bizarro Kappa because you're actually weirdly successful, aren't you? Well, I was. But that's why the marriage fell apart. But I've got a back story. I worked in finance.

You had a job. I had a risk. I'm a chartered accountant. Hang on, hang on. Chartered accountant? So you are down. Yeah, yeah. Let's unpack something.

This TV show is part and parcel. I was a successful stockbroker for a while. So yeah, you're a stockbroker. Now, this is the thing because I picture you as our spare kappa, our potential spare kappa. But then I find out that you're a stockbroker for a while. Yeah, you're a stockbroker. Now, this is the thing, because I picture you as our spare capper, our potential spare capper. But then I find out that you're a stockbroker. I'm like, nothing about you says stockbroker to me. I know, I know.

Oh, if you look at his face, he's got a bit of a corporate face. No, he looks fucking crazy. The hair, no. I don't know how it's happened. If you could trim that hair, he could easily wear a suit. I sound all right over the phone. It was more of a boiler room situation. The boiler room, I love it.

They thought they were getting their roof fixed. See, people's perception is interesting because when I'm at Capa, he goes, oh, I didn't know you'd still be doing comedy. I thought you'd be driving a forklift in a warehouse. It's like, mate, I've got several degrees. Why would I be driving a forklift? That says more of Capa, though. That's just him not knowing how jobs work or anything.

I could go back to teaching or something. I'd love to drive a forklift. I remember seeing the nugget and thinking, that guy will be in a warehouse in five years, mark my words. That's Rich coming from Capa, who's nearly 40, is still an open mic comedian, and I believe pets sheep for a living during the day. You need a qualification to drive a forklift.

Exactly. You need a ticket. There's not any idiot can do it. You could watch someone drive a forklift, Capa. Yeah, yeah. So you, hang on, now you used to be a do it I'm like you could watch someone drive a forklift with a kappa yeah yeah so you hang on now you used to be a stockbroker

so you're not a stockbroker no I still am the thing is I've been trading all day that's the thing I get a story that I'm a madman a frothing madman

but the truth is I'm a chartered account give the listeners a tip what's good at the moment what's this my son's doing stockbroking at the moment at school just in the money matters subject

oh really what's good he's bought stocks in baby bunting oh baby Chandler knows about that it's a the money matters subject. Oh, really? What's good? He's bought stocks in baby bunting. Oh, baby bunting. Chandler knows about that. It's a baby shop. No, no good.

No good? I don't think that's good. That's not good? Well, people are still having babies. Yeah, you think babies are on the way out. It's not like there's been a surge. It's a steady... But what's good?

What's good to buy? I've got a gold stock, Nova. Yeah. But I don't... It depends what your risk profile is. Do you know? What do you want? How quickly do you want to be rich, Dave?

Look, nothing specific. Like, just genres. Just fields that are interesting. What's a good field and a good bat? My gut says gold's going up. Gold's going up? Well, thanks. I've got to get out of here first.

So babies are down and gold's up. Babies down. Right. Thanks, Bear Ford Investor. Baby formula actually went really well. Hospital's down. Fort Knox up. Is that what we're saying? I used to buy shares years ago. I used to work with Tom Elliott, you know, John Elliott Investor. Baby Formula actually went really well. Hospital's down, Fort Knox up.

Is that what we're saying? I used to buy shares years ago. I used to work with Tom Elliott, John Elliott's son. No. You know John Elliott? He's famous. Yeah, I know John Elliott. He's got a son who does radio now. Anyway, whatever.

And he used to be a stockbroker, and he would ring up and give me tips. And he told me to buy Golden Valley Mining shares, right? Because they found gold in Indonesia, right? But what happened, the geologists had faked the samples. Yeah, they often do that. He put fake gold in the samples, and so they confronted him in the helicopter, and he ran off into the bush and never came back.

Oh, great. So then my stocks went down. Yeah, very, very quickly. That'll do it. And then Tom Elliott would ring me up, and he'd whisper in the phone, he'd go, you've got to sell those stocks now. I thought, why are you whispering?

Just for breaking the law. If they're listening to us. We can't hear him. We can't. It's not a crime. Hang on, we recorded this. It needs to be at a certain decibel to arrest this man inside a trading. Well, that's the biggest problem with tips because you can never verify until it's too late.

Because that's where my business went down because I got a tip and it was nickel sulfide. We're going to hit it. We've hit it and it never happened. But do you do ramping with your mates? Of course. I pump it up.'ve hit it. And it never happened. But do you do ramping with your mates? Of course. I pump it up. That's why I'm on this podcast. Ramping's like where you get a few of your mates

and you all buy stock at the same time. So say if tomorrow we all buy Baby Bunting, they start going up. Other guys watching the stocks go, hey, Baby Bunting's going up. They all get on board. Right. And you can push a stock up, can't you, by buying it?

Yeah, totally. I've been accused of it, but I got off the charge. Really? ASIC investigated, but they let it go. Hang on, who accused you of it? ASIC. They're assholes. I'm joking, man. They're just the government.

Do you know Darren Casey? He does the stock. Yeah, I've met him once. Yeah, he's a stock player. Does he? Well, anyone can trade. You just log on to NAB. Yeah, anyone can do it. It's like a dog now. Well, that's the problem. Everyone has a go.

It's all over the place. When I bought shoes, it was like the early 90s. You had to go through a stock broker back then before the internet. And this guy, I had a guy called David, someone he was from. He played for Geelong, but not a football person. David Mench. Yeah, it might have been David Mench. Guessing the only David from Geelong I know.

And he goes, this is David Mench from Geelong. I go, oh, good day. It. Guessing the only David from Geelong I know. And he goes, this is David Mench from Geelong. I go, oh, g'day, it's David O'Neill from Clifton Hill. How are you? What the fuck he

kept saying he's from Geelong for? Anyway, he wasn't a great advisor. You're right. Do you have any stocks? Do you own stocks,

Carl? No, no interest. Do you? I don't. My dad's on me to get into it. He wants me to get into the stock market.

Well, if you've got the money. It depends if you can do it well. My dad got me into it. He wants me to get into the stock market. Well, if you've got the money. It depends if you can do it well. My dad got me into it at 15, but it's gambling at that age. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I wish I hadn't. He's like, get involved.

Get involved. We didn't know. It was all emotional. Hugh's borrowed money to buy stocks, and then all the stocks went broke. Oh, this sounds good. Hugh's sounds like someone I need to take on board. You should talk to Hugh's. This is my demographic.

Yeah, start flying. Yuzi's my boy. What would you recommend I buy? If I'm going in now, like bottom floor, what should I get? Mate, I'm trying to rent that stock that I pitched in the beginning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That specific stock that I bought this morning. Buy the exact stock I already own.

Let's get this up. But it is hard to pick. Imagine if you picked 10 years ago Photoshop or VideoShops. Oh, mate. Like bought stocks in Blockbuster. Dude, there's one left. I saw one in... As long as you've got stocks in that one.

I saw one in Kalgoorlie the other day. Yeah, yeah, it's unbelievable. There's one in Kalgoorlie. It's still open. Yeah. Well, why not? You know, you've got to have something to spend their money on out there. No, but it is good.

It's frustrating, though, because I get the image of being the crazy boy, but I've been working corporate for 10 years do you know i mean they and then i hear everyone else i'm a lawyer i'm like dude you did a fucking you did the degree you got a hex debt yeah do you know until you actually work in the job right do you know you can't do a festival show so you my time in the law i'm like yeah you quit immediately after your degree so i'm picturing you're a fucking, you would have been a secretary at the office. It takes 10 years to get a proper profession. How long did you work in the...

I worked up. I worked at PwC and then I worked in London and I was eventually like global head of risk in a London... You were the head of risk. Head of risk.

You wouldn't... Yeah, I caused the GFC basically. So what I'm gathering out of this is this background is that you work nine to five in a nice pinstripe suit, and then at 5.01, you jump into some sort of bin and drink a slab of beer. Effectively. It's all alcohol-driven. I hit the booze.

I start hitting the booze at work. By the time they leave, they go, he looks different. Why did you get into comedy then? I always wanted to do comedy. Why did I get into accounting is what you should ask. I got pushed into it by my parents. I'm stopping this right now. Something to fall back on.

I've always said I'm going to stop this podcast once someone asks the question, how did you get into comedy? Not how. That was why. No, yeah, I never wanted to do it. I hate it every day. My parents were saying, this too shall pass. First day at work, I had my lunch at like 10 o'clock in the car park crying.

And I fucking lasted 10 years. First day at work at I had my lunch at like 10 o'clock in the car park crying. And I fucking lasted 10 years. First day at work at comedy. You had your lunch in the car park at comedy. I'm still crying. I'm still crying in comedy every day. He worked in an office car. I worked in an office. It's fucking soul destroying.

Oh, it's the death. No, it's all right. Because they all act fake. Everyone does it. It's fine. No, they put on a fake facade. I think it's soul destroying for some people. I think other people like it. We'll get a good job. No, they put on a fake facade. I think it's sort of for some people. I think other people like it.

We'll get a good job. No, but the thing is they're not real. They put on fake facade. They use buzzwords going forward. I'm like, can we just get lunch, mate?

Lunch was a high low. Pleasure to meet you. It doesn't matter how good your job is. You're looking forward to lunch. Oh, lunch. Lunch is everything to me.

I love lunch. You could be Hugh Hefner and you're still going, when's lunch? But you have to buy your lunch. Packed lunch is too boring because you know what's coming. You have that adventure. That gets you through the morning.

What am I going to have? I'm going to go to the Schwab sandwich shop. If you know you've got a peanut butter sandwich in a fucking box, it takes it all out of you. Exactly. My item mate that I work with who was a bit of a tie-dyeist, but he was like, it doesn't matter. This is the rule.

If I work, I'm buying lunch. No matter what. Did you go to Schwab sandwich shops? Were they around when you were working in an office? No. No, special sandwich shops. No. But then Friday, you'd have to go to the pub or somewhere.

I'm also not buying a fucking sandwich for lunch if I'm working. That's a waste. A wasted opportunity. Yeah. Yeah. Could be buying something fun. Oh, okay. Like sushi.

Well, that's the thing, but it's expensive because in accounting, the starting wage is so poor that I worked out when I paid for my parking and lunch, I was losing money every day or breaking. Is this in London or is this here? No, here because you start on like, I don't know what I started on, like 30 grand or lower. It was ridiculous. Parking was like 100 bucks a day because you're in the big city.

Do you know what I mean? My dad retired from trades teaching. He retired, oh, I was in the 90s. My dad retired from trades teaching. He retired, I was in the 90s, he retired. He was on 30 grand a year. 30 grand a year and he worked for years on that money. He was loving it as well. He had negotiated that. So what's life now, Wolfie? You're getting up

in the morning, I'm picturing you Patrick Baton style, slicked back hair, the suspenders and pocket square and then just on your phone under your Indiana Jones doona in your parents spare bedroom because I work remotely I just lie

in a single bed yelling at your kids saying stop playing with my toys I'm like keep it down kids I'm on the phone to the clients put the abacus down

I need it get off the bed you're knocking me on the laptop get you back a little special alright leave it alone

I've just sold someone out you've been jumping on the bed. How old are your kids? I've got a one-year-old and a four-year-old, so it was bad. The kids broke the marriage. Oh, their fault. Couldn't handle it.

Their fault. You're blaming a one-year-old. It was the one-year-old for rather than yours. It was his issue. She still loves me. He was a bastard. This little one-year-old's a bastard. I hope he grows up and listens to this. Your one-year-old's a real cockblocker.

I was so angry. I'm like, fuck, I can't even kiss her. At what age do you think they're going to be when you have the chat with them about how they broke up the marriage? I'm telling them now. Well, they do get in the bed between you, don't they? Yeah, they do. They're like dogs. They physically get in between you. And they make you cross. You never sleep, so you're always angry.

Oh, no, that's true. You're yelling at them. Then you get fatter. And then make you cross. You never sleep, so you're always angry. I know, it's true. You're yelling at them. Then you get fatter. And then you blame it. You put on weight massively. You drink more. Hang on, so now you're blaming your kids on yours? Yeah, I blame my kids. That's where your weight came from, Pete.

They're old enough. They're old enough to listen to this. Dad, someone said that you said on a podcast that I'm the fault that your marriage is bad. Did you put on weight after kids? You're not married. We've been together for a long time. You're not married. Yeah, we've been together a long time.

But you still technically are. It's a de facto thing. You can't get out. We weren't married either. It was de facto. But you say married because you can't. Well, you say because you still have to do all the paperwork and give them 90% of your assets.

All right, all right. How about we all bow to the one married man in this room, you fucking absolute pretenders. We'll see how long. I mean, sure, I'm not wearing the ring, but yeah, sure, it's... That's conviction. Where is the ring?

You wanted to try and pick up at this podcast. You're the Hilton next door. I thought it was a traffic lights party, so that's why I'm wearing red for stop and suck me off. Yeah, stop what you're doing. It's an unwritten rule, isn't it? Did you actually have a ring? Yeah, yeah, I've got a ring

I always take it off Because like I would Bring it to the gym And then I'd scratch it And I'd go fuck I'm going to take this off And not wear it to the gym tomorrow And he uses a lathe a lot

So it's hard on his other job Yeah yeah it's dangerous Down there Heavy machinery Yeah exactly Doing a podcast Heavy machinery Question

Can I Well speaking of this Can I ask a question of Parenting Parenting for me and Wolfie Well not quite, but something similar, given what we've brought up right now. Okay, here's a bit of a conundrum.

What do you think of this cultural phenomenon? Weddings, right? I know you two absolute virgins have never held one of your own, but imagine you had, right? Yeah, right. I've been to my brother's weddings. I've been to a wedding, hey, one. Nice, nice. I've been invited. I've been to my brother's weddings. I've been to a wedding, hey, one.

Nice, nice. I've been invited. Yeah, you've been invited to them before. I've experienced a wedding. Yes. I sort of drove past it. Yeah. I could see what was going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We get it. I understand the concept. We've seen it in movies. Exactly, yeah, yeah. There's a ring and a lot of money spent. Tommy, you've been to weddings. I've been to weddings, yeah. Two of you have been to my wedding.

Wow. It was a great wedding. Thanks for that invite, mate. No worries, man. You're my closest friend to weddings. I've been to weddings, yeah. Two of you have been to my wedding. Wow. It was a great wedding. Thanks for that invite, mate. No worries, man. You're my closest friend in Melbourne. I know. My only friend in Melbourne. I was messaging Wolfie.

I was like, all right, let's get Wolfie on the pod. Let's match him with a friend of his in Melbourne. And I was like, who's a friend of yours in Melbourne? He's like, I don't have any. I went blank, hey. I don't have any. I said, I know someone up in Darwin. Someone in the Darwin scene

that can stand me what's a conundrum yeah what's a conundrum conundrum is right so I've been invited to a wedding right

but how's this I get invited to the wedding so I start going alright well now I've got a family you know now

I've got a wife I've got a child it's going to be a lot harder to get to and the person set me up are you coming

are you going to come and I'm like I've just got to double check because you know it's a different life it's a new life

it's an overseas wedding it's a new life I've got to travel slightly does your wife know this person is getting married well vaguely

is she invited well here's the thing that's brutal too when you've left it long enough that you're getting your ass written about the RSVP date

you know anything where you've let it lapse that long where they're like come on man have you been chased up that's wrong because I'm being chased up haven't physically RSVP date You know anything Where you've let it Lapse that long Where they're like Come on man No no no That's wrong Because I'm being

Chased up Haven't physically Gotten the invite yet Oh Weird Oh they're trying To check See if they can

Invite someone else Yes Save paper Save a tree Don't waste it honey We've only got 12 of them The pre-invite

We can still turn this car. Oh, mate, this is going to be a crap wedding. Maybe there hasn't even been a proposal. No, you need a bit of that at your wedding. Because Kappa wasn't invited. He was just there, wasn't he? He was late call, wasn't he? No.

Oh, you were doing some late call-ups, I remember. Oh, no, I didn't do an official. I really didn't invite too many people. I was doing it very vaguely. Mate, once they're shuffling cards like this, the wedding's too cheap. Low budget. Don't bother. Well, speaking of mine, I like're shuffling cards like this, the wedding's too cheap, low budget, don't bother.

Well, speaking of mine, I like the idea that you're just like, like the idea of someone just like gauging interest before they've even done the proposal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Just calling up heavy hitters that they'd want there and go, hypothetically, if I got married, would you come? And if they think

they've got the numbers, they're like, that's it. Yeah, what are you doing June 30th? Because if you're free, I might ask my girlfriend. Oh, you've got the date already?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To propose. Yeah, yeah. It's just scoping if you can actually populate a wedding. But I know Tommy's got more things going on with my girlfriend. I'd like to marry her, but I don't want to be humiliated. I mean, that would be a big consideration for me. You wouldn't want to have this thing that no one ends up coming to.

Oh, mate. You often have that with a wedding where they don't have best men. And you're like, we know why not. I don't even want to have this thing that no one ends up coming to. Oh, mate. You often have that with a wedding where they don't have best men. And you're like, we know why not. I didn't even want to be here. True. I didn't ever get it. I'm getting to it slowly. We're having fun. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's get through it.

I still think I'm on radio. We can do it within three minutes. There's not an ad break coming up. This is like, let's have fun. We're going to sell some booze juice, guys. I've only got one idea for this podcast. We've got nothing to fucking talk about. Just slow down.

We can put some 10cc on and discuss it during the break if you want. I love 10cc. No, but what you said before is interesting. You said,

however you put it, I wasn't putting all the invites at once because I was dribbling them out because I just didn't get around to it. But then you threw me a surprise bucks party and then there was full of people that I hadn't

invited yet. So I was just walking around going, oh, do you want to go? Do you want to go? But I do remember you saying to me in the weeks before it that you, whatever the minimum spend at the venue is and that, you know, there are a couple of people that hadn't been able to come and the idea that, you know, you're spending this money anyway and they'll just be empty seats and this food and whatever not being capitalized on right and i remember you were messaging me at one point going fuck who else could i invite i don't know man yeah

we're having empty seats so you got like seat fillers in no no just photos just to prop it up so it wasn't so sad no during the first dance you're like just sit around yeah yeah i was just i just mean that's if you do it dribs and drabsy then if you do it as an afterthought i'd be upset do you know if i'd heard someone else has got the invite yeah and then you randomly at the gym go oh by the way you can come yeah there was there was definitely some people that reacted like that but the the the key thing that i had over them was that i didn't care yeah yeah take Take it or leave it. Ronnie invited me to his wedding on the day.

Ronnie was, I keep meaning to bring this up when he's on the show, but Ronnie was ringing people on the day saying, what are you doing later on? No, no, I didn't go.

I would have liked to have gone. If I had the day's notice, I may have been able to organise. The pleasure of a whole day's notice. The suit I cleaned. How did he tell you? He just shouted out of a car window, come along for what?

That's Facebook. See, I cop shit for booking my gigs on the day. He booked his wedding on the day. I know. It's fucking insane. But he had three or four weddings, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like Jeff Stillson was there from America at his Melbourne wedding.

Right. By that point, he's checked out. He's like, whatever. You know, he's done it enough times. I've got to say, though, like you've got to be realistic about your place in the world. Like if I got a thing that was like that, like a last minute, hey, do you want to come? All these other people knock me back.

I'd be cool. I'd be like, cool, I still get to go to a wedding. There'll be people like that. You don't read into it. What about in the seating at the wedding when you're far back? You're behind the DJ. But that's good. Doesn't that upset you?

I don't want to pursue this friendship. Why do you want to sit up the front of a wedding? Well, I just feel like I'm feeling that if I'm that much on the fringes, I might as well be working on a new friend. It's something like a concert or something. I'm not got limited time. I'm like, this is not going anywhere. What do you care?

At least you're out of your parents' house for the day. But I'm like, I'm 10 years into this relationship. I can't even make it in a central circle. I'm like, this is a dead friendship. Don't you think? Like, when you get seated, you're like, this is a waste of time't you think like when you get seated it's a waste of time I wouldn't be

working up the rank I could have been home watering my plants in my bedroom you know well I don't have to water the plants mum does

oh nice looking for those old porno mags somewhere so what was the big question so I've been invited

don't hurry him along though let's take our time stop all the fun. Let's get to just a yes or no answer, please. No. So, I invited to the wedding, getting the hurry up.

I've sort of said, oh, look, it's, you know, I've got a new life. I've got, you know, a child. I've got a wife. I've got to, she's gone back to work. We've got the child as to, you know, how all that works now. You know, she hasn't traveled very much at all. And's a bummer too right having to turn up to a wedding with a kid it's probably like not a lot of fun i've done it there's no point no fun you end up sitting in the car park yeah one of the one of you sitting that's all i did at the first three

you know i sit in the car the whole time i'm starting to hate your kids too my partner would bring out a piece of cake oh right I was trying to be the good husband to save the marriage. So I was like, I'll listen to the fucking radio in the car, in a suit. If it's a boring wedding,

like that's not a bad result. No, listen to the cricket. It was close friends of mine. Oh, he's close friends. Should occasionally, you know, and then forget you

for about three hours. You didn't even bring me beer. It's been four hours. Oh right, if you don't get beer. You're driving now anyways. Don't worry about a beer. If it's you a dog, you need to be checked on every half hour.

I got left in the car. She comes out and cracks a window. With both kids? No, we had one at that point. The window was wound down. They're leaving the radio on to trick you into thinking there's someone else in the car. I was chatting away.

There's a clock in there to replicate your mum's heartbeat. Talking to the radio. It's going better than the relationship. If it's your partner's friend's wedding. No, it was my friend. Oh, well, that can be a good. That's when you know you're on the outer. It was my friend's and she was in there probably trying to pick up.

Stay in the car. Meet someone new. I'm going, what's happening? Why are you so sweaty? We need to get someone to the outer. He was my friend and she was in there probably trying to pick up. Stay in the car. Meet someone new. I'm going, what's happening? Why are you so sweaty? We need to get someone to the tone. Where have you been? What do you mean you're getting a cab with someone else? Yeah, no, it's hard with babies.

Don't bother. Anyway, so my point being, I've said this. I'm not sure. I've got this to think about, this to think about, the wife, the kid to think about. And then he goes, well, what are you thinking about that for? I definitely haven't invited your wife. Interesting.

No, that's a deal breaker. Is that a deal breaker? I've had a mate do that when I first met my partner, and it was Thailand wedding and just an invite for me, and he didn't invite her. And not only didn't I go, we're not friends anymore. It was over.

Now who made sure you weren't friends anymore? You or her? She told me. Right, she told you not to be friends. I miss him a lot every day. I actually should ring him. Yeah, you should get back together with him now. Does your wife want to go though?

Would she want to go? Does she know this person particularly well? What's he saying about your wife? Your wife's good enough for you. You invite her. Yeah. It means he doesn't like your wife. Not even specifically.

I'm not offended specifically. It's more the culture of that. You want a plus one. Oh, man, this is like Kenny's manager, Shane Jacobson's manager. Did you read about that in the paper? No. So she managed him for years and then he got married. The manager of Shane Jacobson.

Yeah. So Kenny, Shane, was getting married but didn't give her a plus one because she was single and she cracked the shits. Why is this in the paper? It was in the paper. And what happened after she got snubbed for this to make the paper? Well, she claimed that she had unpaid cut of his gigs and my mum cut it out for me, thanks, Mum, of all his earnings for the year

and how much he got paid for every gig. But again, what's this got to do? Why is this news? Who's not getting a plus one? Why is that in the paper? Why is this in the public interest to know this story? They went to court. Well, I remember that story.

It meant a lot to me at the time. Because you just looked down and you went, oh my God, that show he stripped on, he got 28 grand for that. You just looked down. The IGA was a big payer for it. So she's gone to the paper. She's got slighted by not getting the plus one and then just gone, hey, Harold son, do you want the earnings of Shane

Jacobson to put on page nine? Basically, yeah. So your mum's cut that out as like a... And what's her point? That you should be getting... Yes, look how well he's doing. He looks a bit like you. You're also fat and in show business. You're fat and funny.

It's exactly why I think... Look, the fat and funny man. Get fatter, mate. At the least, get a good job like a plumber. At least do that. 28 grand's good. That's what I was earning for accounting a whole year, man. That's huge.

It was a TV show, the 28 grand. But you got some big money. People get angry just to plus one, dude. If you're single, you expect it. On that topic of weddings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had friends get angry. Do you know what I mean?

That case. So she's gotten that angry and she doesn't even have a partner that she definitely has to bring along. So I've got one. But she also wanted to bring people that were already going. So I went through the whole detail. She goes, I'm going to bring, you know, Wolfie. But Wolfie's going with his partner.

Oh, no, he wants to come with me. Oh, wow. So they just went, oh, this is ridiculous. I'm not going with my partner, man. She left. Yeah, that's right. See, Dave's saying that the Shane Jacobson manager was then invited. What was it like wanting other people to come?

Other people's partners to come with her. She goes, I'm going to bring so-and-so, but he's already invited with his partner. He'd come with me. Oh, that's a spiteful homewrecker. All in the paper. That's bizarre red tape, though. That's insane.

But I would say no, then, if that's the attitude. What was the reason, though? Was it like we're trying to have fun at the wedding? That's what I would say. In this person's defense, I can see the argument of like, you know what, man? If I invite the wife, then that's it. You've got to come with her.

You've got to bring the kid. It's a much different scenario. It's like I just want you to come. You're not fun around your wife. I want you to come and have fun and not have to worry about all that stuff. So I just want to include a plus one. The defense was I don't know her. I'm not having someone I don't know at my wedding.

Wow. That's huge. Yeah, but you invited me and my partner to your wedding, and I said i don't know at my wedding wow that's like when yeah but you invited me and my partner to your wedding and i said don't don't worry about my partner she doesn't want to come because she doesn't know you guys but see that's my thing i think you're a poor judge of character if i if i i think with all weddings you just got to doll out the plus one to everyone yeah yeah that's what i thought that's why i'm bringing it to the to the grand round table here 100 man because once you're in the married world, half your friends you hate.

But you just do it for the wedding. We're married now, you're hanging out at barbecues, I go, I want to bash this guy. We're now going

on holiday with him. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to accept it. Do you want to play golf? I'm like, fucking no, I don't. But I will be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unfortunately, you're an adult, you have to hang out with people you don't particularly want to see. Yeah, and your kids always make friends with the kid who's got the worst parents.

Oh, exactly. You go over and they're playing Michael Bublé and they're not being ironic. They're like, we love the Bublé. Oh, he's so much fun. He's a drug addict. And he stole something from my bag. You go to the concert?

So your real call with your wedding was everyone that you invited got an immediate plus one? Yeah. Whether or not you knew they had a partner at the time? Oh, no. Or you had to sort of know that they were seeing someone? I gave plus ones to people I knew who had people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I've got the thing. Did he go to your wedding? If he did, she should have been invited. No, he didn't. But. Got out of that. But. Had an invite.

But. So he was invited. Yeah, but. Well, you know, a good example that would be. I But So he was invited Yeah but Well you know Good example I reckon I know who this is Did you give him a plus one Good Didn't get to that stage

He was unavailable You don't want to go to Maryborough Do you So what are you worrying about this for Who said it was in Maryborough Trying to trick you So Good trick

For example David Quirk Friend of the show David Quirk Quirky He came to the wedding And he he did a rare little oddity of going, where's my plus one? Where's my plus one for my girlfriend? You can't ask. Where is it?

And I was like, I had no idea you had a girlfriend. And he was like offended by it. Like, where's my, not only have I never met your girlfriend, you've never introduced me. I didn't even know the concept of you having... I never even knew David Quirk as a being was capable of having a girlfriend. That's true, man. Girlfriend's a different thing, eh?

Well, it's what it is. That's fine. If I'd have known about it, that's an automatic plus one. But you don't go, you fucking idiot, where's the plus one for the girlfriend you've never known about?

But let me ask you this. If you had have known that this was more of a thing of like, you're not immediately obligated to give someone a plus one just because they have a partner or you know that they have a partner, is there anyone that you'd invited to yours that you gave a plus one to that you would now retract? Would you have invited my girlfriend, for example? And obviously the context is different there because we're not together anymore. Right. Your girlfriend at the time. So you're saying you felt like it's like you just're not together anymore. Right. Your girlfriend at the time, would I – so you're asking –

So you're saying you felt like it's like you just have to do it. Yeah. If you're inviting someone, you have to invite their partner. Yes. Now, if you were aware that you were living in the same world as this friend of yours, where that isn't an obligation that you have to do, would you have still invited my girlfriend? Well, I didn't know your girlfriend that well.

Yeah. So if I was just on a person-by-person basis, if I was inviting her as a friend of mine and not as a friend of yours, then no, because I didn't know her that well. That's fair. Yeah. What if I turned up with a prostitute? Would that have offended you?

Yeah, yeah. He wants to bring a prostitute. I'd bring a group of prostitutes. He's actually genuinely considering it. I'm making a speech. I want some prostitutes. He's actually genuinely considering it. Yeah. I'm making a speech. I want some prostitutes. Like high class.

You know, high class. Good looking, man. We'll doll them up with some makeup. To be honest, to be honest, it was, the anniversary was yesterday of two years and the wedding photos still haven't been put in a book yet.

So I was looking through them today and I was like, you know what? And looking back in hindsight now, if I'd have seen you with an escort in one of the photos fuck yeah i wish i wish that would have happened i wish that had happened definitely who's that i'm not sure let me check my email who who wore fishnet stockings to my wedding that is an interesting way of like booking your wedding like your guests and

everything just keeping an eye on you want the photos and stuff to be entertaining in the future yeah you want to kind of look back on it and not just be looking at photos of like oh yeah that's my friend i reckon you know you want to have some like you know have a clown in the mix and stuff right yeah like so you mean invite some guys that i don't even particularly like that much that may have very glamorous girlfriends that will look good in the glamorous girlfriend some real characters that that are going to give you some stories, some real memories to dine out on. I did the bubbler. Just a bunch of fucking idiots.

Just so the photos will look okay. I mean, that's kind of what you did. It's like a petting zoo, you know? Yeah. You invited Kappa and he turned up dressed like a fucking, he was in a mariachi band. What shoes were he wearing? I saw those photos.

He was wearing... Were they slippers or something? Something like that. That's weird. He's wearing a Were they slippers or something? Something like that. That's weird. He's wearing a salmon shirt and slip-ons, like black canvas slip-ons with an embroidered rose. Dude, it looked like one of those pranks that you make him do. Talk into the fucking microphone.

I'm saying it looked like one of those pranks that you make him do now for money. He was doing it for free. You haven't created anything original. He's always been in a fucking top hat and a mop. Yeah, he's looking way better, more appropriate for a wedding at the moment than he was at a wedding. Yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you've relayed this to your wife. Yes. And is she, what's her take? Is she peeved?

I think she's mildly like, that's just a weird thing to not get an automatic invite. Especially if you travel, right? Yeah. You've got to take a day away from the family i think you could go but no present oh really and you take a prostitute i think if you travel you can get away with no present yeah i agree yeah i agree let alone you know leaving your wife and child yeah yeah yeah absolutely so has this influenced in any way whether or not you think you'll go to the... Has this swayed you one way or the other? Oh, this conversation.

The cat's in the pigeons now. I mean, the pigeon's in the cat. No, no, no. I mean, like... What's the saying? You've thrown the cat amongst the pigeons. Yes, the cat's amongst the pigeons. No, but I mean, her not getting an invite,

your wife, does that make you one way or the other go, well, if she's not invited, fuck this, I'm not going? Oh, slightly, for sure. Yeah? Really? Yeah. Because it's just a weird thing to do, isn't it? I feel like slightly perturbed by it. You mean like rewarding that by, like you going alone and it's like he's gotten exactly what he wanted.

Well, this is the second time. I find that there's several ways of doing this. Now, there's one thing being not having your partner not invited. But then there's another thing. This is the second time it's happened where it's been someone's gone. Are you coming to the wedding? By the way, your wife is not invited. She's not coming.

Not after what she's done. Like absolutely underlining it. This is painting a pretty vivid picture to the listener who doesn't know your wife. What have people got against your wife? Yeah, I don't know. Your wife's not going to be happy on the day

she's not going to be so pissed off none of alcohol is going to make up for your wife can't have fun and I know secretly I think

I know the thinking here is like if I go to this wedding now without her that's a couple of days into potential Thailand

leave that I'm eating into I'll need that credit exactly you've got the idea. Skip the wedding. Just go straight to a prostitute. And they're cheaper over there.

I'm not coming to a wedding. I'm going to Thailand. I've gone straight to Thailand to get myself a few plus ones myself. If you know what I mean. I'm having my own honeymoon. Several nights in a row. I'm going somewhere totally better. See you later. I'm having my own honeymoon several nights in a row. I'm not taking my wife there. Case closed.

Case closed, I'd say. Let's hope he hears the podcast. So that's official. I'm going straight to Thailand. Yeah, don't worry about the wedding. Yeah, fuck that. That's rude.

You've been to one, you've been to them all. Good, good. I went to one at the start of the year and I had a really good time at it. But it's like, I think as you get older too, you realise that the number of weddings that you're going to have a very good time at starts to shrink. Because this was perfect. It was just my close group of friends, so I sort of knew most people there.

You know, I think I'm just about to get to the point where I'm invited to ones where I'm like, I don't want to go to this. Yeah, I agree. I'm not really going to know any people there. There's only so many things you can change. It's outdoors. It's in a tent. It's the same sort of thing.

You're like, ah. They're all blur. It's special to them, but to me it's... Just quality of food now. Yeah. You had good food at your wedding. Good food. Good food, yeah.

Good. You know what? I don't know whether we've talked about this before, but everyone raved about the food at the wedding, and we made sure that it was going to be great food there. But you get so busy that we didn't have any of the food. What was the food? Pies in a bin? Yeah, get him.

That was beautiful. That sounds good, man. A merry brother special. What's it called? Merry Meribah. Lamp skewers. There was a beautiful gnocchi. I remember that.

Great gnocchi, heaps of pizzas, open bar. Yeah, it was sweet. So much so that we're going there this weekend, two years later, to finally eat the food that was at our wedding. Oh, it'll be pretty bad by now. Listener event. Did you sample the food beforehand? Did you do that where you could pick?

Can you do another wedding? Okay, your wife doesn't have to be involved. Wolfie can play your wife. We should redo it. That's a start. So not only is my wife not invited to other people's weddings, my wife's not invited to my wedding anymore. You can get a plus one to your own wedding.

And I'll even go into a gig and come back. I'm getting a minus one to my own wedding. How does that work? A minus one. So it's like you can come, but in doing that, what is that? It gets rid of another guest. Well, it is my wedding. What if a normal person gets a minus one?

I just love the idea of you sending out an invite to someone that's like you and then minus one. And then having to call up and go, what does this mean? Well, you know what that means? That means that you must be a really close friend of the groom because you're saying, Tommy, you get a minus one. You get the chance to eliminate anyone on my invitation list. I love that idea.

Let's get this going as a thing. Remove one person. All right, listeners, if you've got a wedding coming up, send this out to one person. Let them know and let us know how it goes. If I gave you a posthumous minus one to my wedding. A posthumous? Yeah.

After I'm dead. No, my wedding's dead. It's gone now. Who would I retract? Your wife would be removed. Oh, interesting. That's a good question. Plenty of friends of the show there.

Yeah. Stacks of them. Anyone behaving particularly badly on the night that you could have done without? What about Kappa in those slippers? No, everyone. Anyone behaving particularly badly on the night that you could have done without? What about Kappa in those slippers? No, everyone. I mean, this is such a cop-out answer, but I would just have to spin the wheel of your wife's friends who I don't know and just sacrifice one of them.

There was no one in the mix that I was like, this sucks, this person being here. Maybe my wife's friend that kept going up to the avalanches who were DJing and screaming, play Nutbush. Oh, yeah, she's got to go. That's what everyone does. I appreciate that.

Hit the skid, honey, you're out. Ship to shore. Who was the worst on ground at your wedding? Who was the worst on ground? Worst on ground, like the biggest. Drinking. There's always someone that asks in the morning, what happened?

Did I go too far? Well, probably me. I didn't remember what happened in the morning. But we covered this. A lot of people didn't bring wedding presents. Oh, that's awful. On the finger.

What the fuck did I do last night? No, I didn't bring one. He did a small set though late in the night. No, he didn't. No, he did a small set at someone else's gig in the middle of my wedding.

Oh, you left to do a gig. Yeah, I was a charity gig. Oh, that's good. I would say probably... Both were charity gigs. Oh, so no, he was giving stuff to charity but nothing to me then.

So, yeah. I would say probably worst on ground at your wedding would be the ex-partner of a comedian friend of ours who was like way too drunk. Have you got her details? Sounds good. Way too drunk too early. Brutal. Well, speaking of the Avalanches,

I don't know if I've mentioned that, but I do know them. Do you know the Avalanches? Wolfie't know if I've mentioned that, but I do know them. Do you know the Avalanches? Wolfie? They had one huge hit. A few huge hits. I know the name, but I hate music. Yeah, that song. You hate music.

I don't like the noise. Really? You don't like the noise. I like God. Well, you're intriguing. Turn it off. That's because you've got little kids. It just seems childish.

Great. It's for babies, man. Great. Music's for off. That's because you've got little kids. This seems childish. Great. It's for babies, man. Great. Music's for babies. That's great. I love it. It's for little kids, dude. I love it.

Pass the parcel. I don't care. That's a fresh take. I like it. What a good heckle for a band. You're seeing spring standings yelling out, grow up. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm trying to fucking talk back.

You're all here, man. We get it. Mary had a little lamb. Just tell us a story, buddy. We could chat down here if you could fucking keep it down for a minute. Turn the guitars off and just tell us your poem. So these two baby friends of yours. Yes, these two infants of professional babies, friends of mine.

They told you something in between sucking on their thumb and playing with their Tonka trucks? Yes. friends of mine they told you something in between sucking on their thumb and playing with their Tonka trucks yes I was talking to them the other day and we were talking about what's going on and then

you know this has been a continual thing where I have always wanted to have them on the show like we've done 460 episodes or something

never been able to get I've been banging on about how I know for 460 episodes never been able to get them on the show yeah but do you know them is the question

I do know them they were at the wedding I just I do know them. They were at the wedding. I just can't prove it. No, I have a latch. Well, they were DJing at the wedding, so that's something. Were they there? They were there. Yeah.

They were definitely there. I was just verifying the story. Yeah, yeah. They were there, but they were sort of, they were playing Daft Punk style with helmets on, so there's no way of us actually verifying that it was there. Could have been Shooto Echo.

We don't know. Well, that's the thing, because I thought I knew Pendulum, but I was just on MDMA. I had no relationship. Did I just at one of their concerts? But you know when you feel like you'd connected? I'm close with Pendulum.

No, dude. So do you think I've just been on pills for 460 episodes so I don't actually know the avalanches? Some people sometimes think they're friends and you're not. They're just being friendly to a fan. Well, look, that's an argument that could be valid given that they still haven't been on this show. Yeah.

Look, that's fair. It would be such a better long-term bit if it was like, they're not, like, that's an argument that could be valid given that they still haven't been on this show. Yeah. Look, that's fair. It would be such a better long-term bit if it was like, the Avalanches are cool, we can all agree on that. If it was like you boasting for 460 episodes, man, Ray Thistlethwaite from Thirsty Merc grew up with him. One of my best friends.

Trying to get him on the show, he won't do it. If it was like someone super daggy that you were still just like pushing really hard. Greedy Smith. She's coming on hard Greedy Smith Tina Reno she's coming on Greedy Smith I know the drummer from Daddy Cool

and I'll fucking prove it one day man I think he's he's a great drummer I think I was young anyway go on such a better bit

anyway so who never been able to get them on they just ignore me whenever I ask anything about it.

Where have you seen them? Down at the gym or at the shops? Maryborough Alumni meetings. I often see them at the gym. They think you work there? Over text. Oh, yeah, they think I work there. Because you do go through waves where you're catching up with one of them pretty regularly.

And I always think off the back of that, oh, here we go. This will be the... I know. I'm always putting in the groundwork. Yeah. But we never quite can get it. So this is another episode of that where I'm talking to one of them, we're going back and forth, whatever, and then we're having a good old laugh

and I'm thinking, this is good. This is buttering him up. Like, you know, if he thinks this is funny, he's enjoying my humour over text. You know, not far away from this is like, you know, this has been fun. Come on, baby. More of that IRL on the show. Wouldn't this be fun? So anyway, in the middle, before I can on the show. Wouldn't this be fun?

So anyway, in the middle, before I can get to it, I get a message from him that says, well, you know, actually, if you don't mind, my mum has just joined Instagram. Can you follow her? Because she's looking for followers. Now, here we go. That's a weird... I don't think this is one of the avalanches.

This is not avalanche. This is a bit of a weird request. I think that's a weird request from anyone to go, can you follow my mum? Help mum out. Yeah, follow my mum on Instagram. My friend was doing that a while ago, trying to get us to all follow the Instagram account

that she'd set up for her dog. And we're like, why should we do that? And she's like, because mum heard that if you get 200 followers on Instagram, you just start getting free stuff. And we're like, yeah, but that's not true. Like, you know that that's not true. So we're going to break her heart. She'll get to 200 and then nothing's turning up in the post.

Nothing's happening. Yeah. So this is a few weeks ago. So I go, you know what? All right, I'll play the game. I'll go along with it. No worries. So I follow my friend's mum on Instagram.

Is it a good account? What's the account? What's the account? What's on there? A photo of like a hot Maryborough mum? Just mum stuff. Why don't you take a photo of like ironing and stuff? Cooking? What do they do out there?

Just whatever's going on. Milking a cow? She's still in Maryborough? Her kids, stuff like that. Yeah, I think so. Do you like, have you liked any photos? You've got to be active. No, no, I haven't done any of that yet.

Photo from the Herald sign of what the Chemical Brothers are earning and she's just tagged us. They would earn a lot. So this is a few weeks ago. So I've done the follow. So not only have I not got anything out of the Avalanches in terms of coming on the show, his mum has not followed me back. Great.

Oh, what? I'm getting snubbed by each generation of the Avalanches. She may not know how to follow you back. That's a good point. I thought the way that story was going to go was that you get you. He puts that out this desperate plea. Yeah. Please give my mum some followers.

Hang on. And you're like going, what's it worth to you? You're holding that over him as some leverage going, you know what? I can get her tens of thousands of followers. If I plug this old woman's account on the podcast, you guys got to come on. Why don't you get her mum on the podcast? that's a good move like has he followed her like why doesn't he tweet out to his fans if he's the real avalanche oh yeah i don't know picking you up one by one one fan at a time yeah yeah i'm like i can tweet it maybe he just knows i'm on i'm on you know

maybe he knows exactly the position i'm in where he's like you you're always looking to get us on the show and i'll just put this out there and give you a little bit of a hint. Yeah, give you a taste of what it feels like. Yeah, a little bit of a taste, and then you'll take the hook. How do you know this isn't a cover band, man? Yeah. I like that. If we get them on, and it's not like to promote a new album that they have at it,

it's just to promote one of their mum's Instagrams. Yeah. They wouldn't come on to promote Wildflower. Maybe they'll come on to promote, you know. You'll have to go wash his dad's car or something. Do some odd jobs for me, Carl. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah, maybe if we do enough for their family, they'll come on. They're not selfish. They're not looking out for themselves or any success, any promotion of their album. They just want their loved ones taken care of in some way. Has this podcast ever benefited you outside of the podcast? In terms of like... What kind of question is that?

What does that mean? Yeah, they get a lot of jam from fans. Yeah, I'm just thinking like... Like I found $10 on the footpath and went, wow, that must be the podcast. No, if you go into shops or anything like that and people go, you're that guy. Has that ever happened?

Yeah, all the time. Didn't you get that choc mousse? They got the choc mousse. What's that? Choc mousse. Yellow is good choc mousse. Oh, yeah, we got free chocolate mousse for a while. Because, you know, I was in Denmark recently,

and I met a Dum Dum fan. In Denmark? In Denmark, because he contacted me because I said I was going to Denmark on a podcast, and he's from Adelaide, but he lives, Jamie, he lives there now and works for Lego. Oh. Professional Lego designer.

Really? Yeah, he moved there, and he showed me around, me and the kids and my wife around. It was fantastic. But he's a listener. So there you go. Is it Denmark in Western Australia?

No. I've been there. How have you heard about this but we haven't? That we have a listener deep within the Lego organisation? See, this is what we, this is,

a few of these things come up every now and then with these people that listen to us have these remarkable jobs. Like, we didn't know you had a senior fucking Lego designer

in Denmark who listens to us. And his wife works there too but yeah, he, and then these people that listen to us have these remarkable jobs like we didn't know you had a senior fucking Lego designer in Denmark who listens to us and his wife works there too but yeah he and then he gave he met us at the bus stop so you've got to get the bus to Balam

which is like going to Wagga Wagga it's in the middle of nowhere it's a small country town that's classic Dave O'Neill in Denmark it's just like Wagga it's like Wagga

what's the local high school it's just like a cold cold Wagga and then he met us at the bus stop with a huge bag of free Lego for the kids. Oh, sick. And then he gave the kids all the stuff that he'd designed.

So he, for example, designed Captain America's shield in the minifigures. Or Harry Potter's wand and stuff like that. But there were things that exist anyway. You don't really design things. Oh, wow, he designed a wand. He designed a very small wand. An auxiliary place But they make their own interpretation of it

He stuck one brick onto another brick Dude he's a heavy hitter man They've dusted him with the walk Maybe he didn't work there, maybe he was just homeless and met me at the bus stop Maybe he was in the avalanches But anyway So there you go

That's interesting because you hear from some of these people with these interesting jobs Look, everyone that's interesting Because you meet Well you hear from Some of these people With these interesting jobs Look Everyone that's out there If you've got a mega Interesting job Just let us know

Because we're finding Out this stuff by surprise We'd love to know This stuff But Danny McGinley Did a gig the other night To like a huge Union gig

In Melbourne And he was talking To one of the Absolute heavy hitters Of the union And the guy was like oh yeah I'm aware I'm aware a little done I'm coming wow what the fuck you're really high up at the top of this union wow and so then he wanted to talk politics to Danny and he was saying to Danny

tell us who all the right-wing comedians are and he's like there's not really there's not there's not really many like there's there's hardly hardly any people except for that stockbroker bloke from Perth I'll go after the minority there's a market there there's some money

in there I'll take it if you were a rowing comedian you would get on Sky News all the time you get a job

sure buy shares in One Nation one nation hang out with Andrew Bolt didn't someone invest in

One Nation it was all the planes and it was a big. Hang out with Andrew Bolt. Didn't someone invest in One Nation? It was all the planes and it was a big company back then. Really? I thought so. You're a stockbroker. I don't know. Well, maybe that's what I can do. Who are the right-wing comedians?

I love it. Yeah, who are the right-wing comedians? There are really none. There's not a lot of right-wing comedians in the world, let alone in Australia. There's a few on YouTube, but I don't think they've got a profile in the actual thing. No, stand-ups, like people in the world of the show. Yeah. That's the thing.

If there is anyone that thinks that way, it's like, you don't need to ask the world of the show. Yeah. That's the thing. If there is anyone that thinks that way, it's like, you don't need to ask. You know about it. Yeah. Because they're putting it front and centre.

So anyway, he was a bit like that. He was like, well, I don't really know and I don't think that none of them really stand out that you would know

and that I know. And then this guy was like, and pardon me for not knowing his name. Steve Weiser. This guy was like, what about, you know who I think's right wing? Tom Ballard.

Was he serious? Yeah, barely. Wow. Has he ever heard Tom Ballard? That's all he bangs on about left wing stuff. Is he wearing a suit in one of his... He's got three of the refugees tattooed on his forehead. What else does he need to give away? And he's like, nah, nah, that haircut, he looks a bit right-wing to me.

So he just thinks all the other stuff is a smoke screen. Yeah. For his Aryan looks. Yeah. He's just saying all that stuff to pick up. He said it. I think I'm on this guy's side. There's something in this.

Warrnable neo-Nazi Tom Beller. Always thought it. He's the same as Tommy Little. Tommy Little always bangs on like, you know, there's no girls after me. There's something in this. Warrnable neo-Nazi Tom Ballard. He's the same as Tommy Little. Tommy Little always bangs on like, there's no girls after me. I wish I could get girls to make sure that girls go after him. Tom Ballard is just saying all this sort of stuff. He spent like, what, 15 years in that career

as a lefty just as a smokescreen. Yeah, yeah. He did cover, maybe. Yeah, totally. Imagine if you used to live with him. Was there a Nazi flag in his bedroom? Yeah, I wish I'd done more digging. I feel like this would have been a couple of years ago.

He'd have a big wardrobe. A shrine to add on. What the fuck? Did he call the dog Eva or anything like that? Were there any hints? Was there a cat called Goebbels? There was an Australia Says Welcome poster in the living room that he insisted on putting up, which is a little on the nose.

Now that I think about it, you know, again, it's still part of the smoke screen. You know, you had to rip off the bottom bit that said two white people. Australia Says Welcome, two white people. I love it. Well, talking about just before, you know, the idea of, like, mobilising the listeners and stuff, I want to bring this up.

We talked about this last week on the program. We've talked about it for a couple of weeks now to bring Wolfie and O'Neill up to speed. We were drinking beer on the pod the other night. We had a Peroni that before we opened it was half empty. Wow. How did that happen? Well, that's the mystery.

That's why we talked about it. It was factory sealed. It made a fizz when we opened it. Is it factory sealed? Because I open them sometimes and put the cap back on. No. So a homeless guy might have drunk half of it. No.

This made it clear. We've come across the phenomenon of people opening beer and putting lids back on before. Yeah, I've done that. It wasn't that. What can you do about it? Well, so then we... Where would they be made? In New Zealand?

Or would they be made in Australia probably? I know they're an Italian beer, but they're often made locally. Can I just check if we had a local one? No, it's always local. It would have been local. It normally is, yeah. So then we talked about how you had been in contact with them. Yes.

You know, you'd sort of gone, hey, we talked about this. Oh, really? Tried to shame them on social media. Was the cap still on? So how could you prove? So you left the cap on or you opened it? No, I took a picture. But, like, what do pictures mean?

Like, you know, it's all, you know, you can't prove anything. It's like when you were a kid and you pretend to find hair in your burger yeah yeah it's all that it's all that yeah there's hair in it it looks like your hair yeah so what's your movement so then you know off the back of this i had then gone into the bottle shop where we got the peronies from and i'd mentioned this to the guy just making chit chat like not necessarily like asking him for anything he hears the story and he's like hey hey, you know, sorry to hear about this man. And he walks over to the fridge. He hands me a single Pure Blonde and he goes, no hard feelings.

And I thought, you know what? We're not getting anything out of Peroni. I hate to drag Pure Blonde into this, but they've been entered into this involuntarily. You know, they're messed up in this now whether they like it or not. So today I got on the Pure Blonde website. I found their contact details, and I sent them an email. Maybe they'll come to the party.

Do you want to hear the email that I wrote? Go for it. So there's no response to this yet, but this is what I sent out today. Hi guys, recently on our show we were drinking some Peronis when we came across one that was only half full in spite of being factory sealed. We've contacted Peroni about this and suggested that it would be in their best interest

to give us some form of compensation as our podcast goes out to hundreds of thousands of listeners who are very active online. Some recent examples of this engagement include donating almost $9,000 to a cancer charity and trolling an old woman who owns a cat. Unfortunately, Peroni haven't come to the party in any way. In the meantime, I went to the bottle shop and told them

what had happened, and they provided me with one single pure blonde, which we consumed on the show and which does coincidentally happen to be my favourite domestic beer. A close second in my all-time favourite rankings behind Asahi, which I've drunk a lot of when I've been in Japan, a country that I love because it's easy to buy used underpants and tentacle porn. I mean, the people are nice and the food

is good. Obviously, if there's an opportunity obviously there's an opportunity here for you to step in and be the hero of the story. If we can get something, anything out of Pure Blonde, I can guarantee that it will pay dividends for you guys with the listeners. And to show you that I'm being serious about this, on the next episode of the podcast, I will be putting into effect a Pure Blonde trade ban,

urging our listeners to refrain from buying your product until I have given the all clear that we have received some kind of feedback from you. Hell, we'd even take a couple of hats or a stubby holder at this point. Anyway, the ball is in your court. I look forward of feedback from you. Hell, we'd even take a couple of hats or a stubby holder at this point. Anyway, the ball is in your court. I look forward to hearing from you. Wow, that seems so nice until there was a ransom note at the end of it. It's extortion at the end. I don't want to open with that, otherwise they're not going to read past paragraph one.

You went all fucking Mel Gibson at the end of it. The guy got to explain it to his boss. So hang on, did we give him a half open one? No, we didn't. That was us. The threat sounds real. Why is he mad at us? It started Willy Wonka and then it ended Liam Neeson.

I have a very special set of skills. For security. So this is what I want people to do. If you're out this weekend, if you're getting a drink, you order anything other than a Peroni or a Pure Blonde, you take a photo of it online and you tag both of them in and you go, hey, guess what? This could be you, but you're playing.

I went for a Furphy. I went for a Moritz. Get on Twitter and we'll retweet every beer anyone's drinking. You drink that's not Peroni or Pure Blonde. Let these guys know that we mean business. Until we get anything for free. Anything for free from one of these companies. From anyone.

From anyone. Peroni or Pure Blonde. So now the race is on. This is like the World Cup. Italy versus Australia. Who's going to come through first? From one of these companies. From anyone. From anyone. Peroni or Pure Blonde. So now the race is on. This is like the World Cup. Italy versus Australia. Who's going to come through first? Right, right.

Well, this seems like a race that Tom Ballard will be very interested in. Peroni, the ethnics, versus Pure Blonde. Oh, yeah. So maybe Ballard's going to be on the phone to Pure Blonde for us, trying to hurry them up because he's got a horse in this race. Yes. Give me a slab of your most Aryan beer, please. All right,

we've got to wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Andrew, Wolf, Devo, Neil, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks for having us. I had fun.

Wolfie, what have you got? I've got to get to a gig right now, mate. Well, you can't advertise that on a medium that can't come down after the gig. Yeah, I've got to get

to 15 minutes. Come down and support me. You do, too. I'll do well. You do, you can't advertise that on a medium that comes out after the gig. Yeah, I've got a gig in 15 minutes. Come down and support me. Well, I'll do well. You got any big shows coming up in Perth? I'll do the festival next year. Oh, cool. To Melbourne? Yeah, yeah, I think so.

You're going to be in Melbourne next year. What's it called? Broken Stockbroker? No, I think I'll call it Circling the Drain, man. By the way, the first time I met you was maybe four years ago at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and we were chatting one day out the front of the town hall and you came up to me and I was like,

man, I don't want any trouble. I've been told to stay away from you. I've been told that you're bad news. And you look all sad and you're like, who told you that? And I go, you did last night when you were drunk. It was one night at the hi-fi bar where you were like slurring. You were like, stay away from me, man. Yeah, I think I said that to a lot of people that night.

Jesus Christ. I said it to Steve Bennett, Gideon. Great. I went through the list. All the kings of the festival. It paid off. It paid off. Look at you now.

Look at me in Perth at my parents' bedroom. Ta-da. Yeah, keep an eye out for Wolfie at festivals and at the gigs and stuff around the country. Yep. Thanks, guys. Dave, what have you got? You've got your Dave O'Neill podcasting empire to plug. Sure, sure.

Yeah, somehow related with Glenn Robbins. That's going well. And yeah, the debrief. Yep. And you've got a live show coming up with Glenn? Yeah, we do. We do. We've got to plan that.

We're going to do a live somehow related. Have you got a date? No, I've got to talk to you about that because it's in one of your venues. But anyway. Is it in October or November or something like that because it's in one of your venues. But anyway. Is it in October or November or something like that? It's October. Yeah, late October. Okay.

Check out the socials. Get down and check that out. Check out our socials. Little Dun Dun Club on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. So get onto that and find out all the shit that we've got going on. Yep. Check all that stuff out, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mate. See you, mate. See you, folks. And they have done it once again. Wow. All four. All four. All four people. All one of them.

Even the guy who's never done it before. Okay, let me rephrase that. Three quarters, they've done it again. Right. But one quarter, he's experiencing that giddy thrill. He's just done it. Doing it for the first time. Right.

Nice. Do you remember the first time you did it? Yes. Yeah, I do. I do remember the first time I did it. Yep. Yep. Episode 430 of this.

Just I remember 429 episodes of not being able to get it up yep and then 430 i remember you and i looking at each other halfway through yeah and just us knowing oh this is it i think this is the one good very happy um yeah wolfie grand debut i thought yeah fans of wolfie he's a he's a very funny man he was here uh doing gigs and uh and you know what to sum up oh you know i talked about in the show going on he's a he's a he's a spare he's in case of fire capper um did a gig on saturday night at basement comedy club at my show uh went out afterwards and messaged me in the morning saying um you know how last night i was talking about how i got so drunk last time I came to Melbourne I missed my plane?

Well, I've done it again. Oh, he really gets it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I feel good. You know, you roll the dice on these kinds of things. You know, you take a pun on someone. It doesn't always pay off.

And it's a nice feeling when you just feel that magic in the room and you go, this is absolutely paying dividends. This cunt is fucked. We will be dining out on this guy for a long time. You see, we roll the dice sometimes and sometimes it doesn't pay off. Any examples of that? Yes. I'm thinking of some. I'm not going to say them.

Anything you'd care to share? You know we did a best of last year A best of 2018 Can we do a worst of one time? Can we do the worst of all time? Well yeah I guess so Because I think we're Obviously we're

You know per year we're 51 weeks a year Do it again So we can't do a worst of In the last couple of years Because we're fucking bulletproof So it would have to be an all-time worst of. But then, so what? You would pick an episode that we don't think is particularly good and then we would find...

The worst bits. The worst part. I don't know. I mean, that's a lot of work. Yeah. Not only is it a lot of... The volume of work is fine, but the severity of how brutal the workload is. Yeah.

Having to force yourself to listen back to yourself being bad. Yeah. The volume of work is fine, but the severity of how brutal the workload is, having to force yourself to listen back to yourself being bad. I hate listening back to this on a good way. Yes, you're right. Much less, let me find myself at my absolute worst and then remind people of that. Maybe just try and concentrate on bad guests. Just block out your bit. Just find the bad guest bits.

Yeah, maybe. There's no good shaming us because we're always going to be here. Yeah. And we've gone on to be good, but maybe there's some bad guests that we've had in the past that we never bothered having back because they were terrible. Maybe. Just find a bit. Maybe we can use it as an instructional sort of a clip to play to prospective guests going, see what they did here.

They never came back. Don't do this again. Oh, that's not bad. Like the kind of the stereotype that like defensive driving courses opening with like just horrific car crash footage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's what not to do. Yeah, try and scare them funny.

Right. What about this? What about a bit of update on what's been rumbling through the show for a few weeks? Is that we had some beer. We had some Peroni beer. And I got a, what, not a half full. I'll say like a two thirds. The neck completely gone.

Yes. Under the neck completely gone. Absolutely missing. Like the Gladstone Small of beer. You won't enjoy that, but there'll be some cricket nerds at home. They'll be fucking loving this. I wouldn't say I don't enjoy it. I just don't know what it is.

Well, then, yeah, how can you enjoy something you don't know what it is? But I'm not hating it. Right. I'm neutral on it. You know what? I will say, phonetically, I like the sound of that name. Yep. So I think I'm getting just about as much enjoyment as it's possible to get out of something

that you have no idea what it is. Okay. Well, you know what I'm about to do now? I'm about to show you a picture of Gladstone Small. Okay. And then you are going to enjoy it even more than you thought was possible. So let me repeat the joke, which is the neck was missing of the beer. It was like the Gladstone Small of beers.

There's Gladstone Small right there. A man with no neck. A fast bowler that has no discernible neck. Love it. Do you like that? Really love it. Not a bad... And you know what?

I thought I was going to have to really strain to get a suitable picture. Absolutely the first picture that came up. You hit I'm feeling lucky and it just came right up. Once again, you've rolled the dice and it's paid off. You know what? Every picture of him, it's not just like

a particularly good photo. Every picture is a man. Yeah, but I should hope so because you made the reference to him as like the quintessential man with no neck. You would hope that

every photo of him displays that because otherwise it's not a good reference. That was a joke from like 20 years. Like he's an old fast bowler. I thought I've probably misremembered that

and he wasn't actually that bad. It was just played up. It was like a bit of a cliche that was played up. That's the fucking second picture. Have a look. That's even less neck in that picture.

This cunt's literally got no neck and is that because he's that's not because he's under those clothes he's just like ripped so the whole body has like ballooned out. You know what I mean?

Like you know you see like super ripped guys where the neck is kind of the first thing to go. If you're getting incredibly swole. But if he's a cricketer, it's probably not. There's not any like super buff cricketers, are there? Well, there's no use in that happening because you need a lot of aerobic fitness. Yeah. But anyway, that cunt looks like the beer. That's great.

But anyway, that cunt looks like the beer. That's great. That would be great if you started a beer company and you have your own specially designed bottles and you call it the Gladstone Small. And it's just like the neck is kind of like just that long. Just really, really tiny. It's a little stubby with the most, the tiniest little bit of protruding neck.

There's actually just a hole in a box of beer. Yes. And that's it. There's a glass box and you just actually have to sip out of a hole. Yeah. Great. Like an oboe. An oboe full of beer.

It's like a, you know those canisters, what do they call them that you sneak booze in? Oh, like a hip flask? Hip flask. Yeah, hip flask is kind of like a glass, a hip flask has an extremely small neck on it. Yeah, yeah. That's essentially what we're talking about. Yeah, I'd like less of it though, less of a neck on it.

So, we got that beer, we got the glass and small beer, then we talked about on the show that one of the listeners, you know, we were like busy going, right, let's try and get something out of this. Let's get anything. Yep.

Anything we can. I read my email to Pure Blonde on this very episode. Yes. And then we talked about that a listener then went, oh, great, and then hit up Asahi, who we were like, what the fuck? You hit up the wrong people. Apparently, Asahi owned Peroni. And then he got sent like a gift voucher.

Now, what we then got in the meantime was he then hit us up to give us more detail. This was the actual email he sent them. He says, hi, here's a picture of the bottle on the night. And then he's just got the picture of me holding the beer and cropped me out of it. Right. So he's not saying this happened on a podcast I listened to. No. He's claiming that this is him.

He wants the thing himself. So this photo of you is just open source at this point. Yes. Anyone who wants to submit this to any company and try and get free stuff is welcome to. And you can see in the background, it's like your living room, like your poster on the wall. Yeah, but I mean, they don't know. No, no, no.

Asahi don't know. That's Tommy Dazzle. No, no. Classic him. So it's a picture of my hand holding the beer, your poster in the background, and him going, here's a photo of the bottle on the night. So he's very clearly making sure he is not legally...

He's thinking ahead to the court case where he's up on the stand. His lawyer is just going to absolutely tear their defence to shreds. He's saying, here's a photo of the bottle on the night. There were no leaks. And from what I remember, the packaging was fine. My partner did find it very amusing. Okay. When we found the second bottle, she yelled, they've done it again. The packaging was fine. Yep. My partner did find it very amusing. Okay. Yep.

When we found the second bottle, she yelled, they've done it again. Okay. Well, now he's getting into risky territory. Because now this is essentially, this is identity fraud. Yes. At this point. Before he was just using a photo of someone else and claiming like, I heard about this happening. You know, really just

kind of stretching the truth. But now he's saying this was me. Well, he still didn't physically say I'm not this guy's partner. Yeah, yeah, you're right. No, you're right. Actually, that was the bit. And I didn't yell they've done it again. I mean, I guess I did further down the line. But you're not arguing that you're not a she.

That's interesting. Well, I mean, that's so far down the list of complaints at this point. So anyway, he then sends back the next bit of correspondence from them and then just a picture of the letter from them and then a picture of the gift voucher that he got off them. Right. Fuck, you cunts. And what, did they say anything?

Were they just, their letter was just like, hey, we're sorry to hear this. Yeah, sorry to hear that. Thank you for the feedbacks. Our sincere apologies for any inconvenience. And, you know, I really hope that this guy who had nothing to do with this beer wasn't too inconvenienced with me missing out on half a beer. Yeah. And now I'm glad that he's got a $15 gift voucher.

For where? Oh. What? For like, is there like an Asahi web store or something? Oh, it's for like a supermarket. Oh, right. So you can go in and buy fucking whatever he wants in there. Actually, not even buy a peroni.

Yeah, right. That's pretty good. Well, maybe, you know what would be funny? If we, we need to hit up Asahi. Clearly, that's what we did we need to hit up Asahi. Clearly, that's what we did wrong. We hit up Asahi. And I wonder if we used the same photo, whether they'd be like, hang on a minute. This Brooklyn Graphic Arts Festival poster looks pretty familiar.

But what if we do that? What if we do that and then go, look, this picture, in case, here's the picture of us on the night. It has gone very viral. So there's been a lot of people trying to use it. Yes. So just to prove this is us, here's some more pictures of us next to the poster. Yes. Yeah.

We need you to null and void any gift vouchers that you may have sent out. Yes. Or the other option is this guy, he's gotten free beer because of us. Yes. Because of a photo of us, of you, with a half full beer. What he needs to do, he needs to return the favor. He needs to send us a photo of himself with a half full beer. What he needs to do, he needs to return the favour. He needs to send us a photo of himself with a half empty beer. Right.

So we send that in to them and pretend that that's us. Okay. Now, this guy's a serial offender. This guy, look, I'll say what his name is. His name's Philip Gretch. Yep. So shout out to Gretchy. I believe, I have a vague memory of us reading him out in a Patreon read and remarking on

that his last name sounds like a Mad Magazine sound effect. Oh, I thought we would definitely have read his name out because there was a guy that owned the KFC in Maribor whose last name was hyphenated and his name was Gretch Cumbo. We just used to yell that into the ether. Gretch Cumbo! Yeah, we have read this guy. Yes.

Anyway, so this guy, he's got form he is also the guy that bought my website oh yes put all fucking bullshit on on my uh on my url yep yep and then he just gave me the website which is very nice of him yeah uh the the url but then because i'm fucking dumb i for quite a while if not right now i still haven't figured out how to erase every part of him from the website right so he's still getting emails and i think he may still have control of some form of my website oh well then i can kind of see why he feels like you know a photo of you holding a beer is kind of his property as the webmaster of carlscandler.com.au. Exactly.

He's kind of, he's sort of, he's this weird mix between like stealing your identity and sort of your secretary. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of all rolled into one. Right. Okay. All right. Well, maybe we'll let this fly.

Boy, this guy's a real scallywag. Yeah. He's a real bloody, he's a real prankster. Yeah. He's a real punker. He's like tom green yeah just out there pulling little stunts being a silly being a silly man being a fucking scallywag if i may be so bold um thanks gretchy um for nothing for you're welcome actually not thanks you're

welcome for that fucking couple of beers that you're now getting out of us you piece of shit well it's a you know you, you're putting forward the theory that he's not even going to buy a beer with it. And that would be the worst injustice of all. Yeah. If he just goes in and buys fucking bog roll and muesli bars with it, that honestly would rile me up.

If he's buying food for his kid, because he's got nothing going on in his life other than to try and fuck with us. If he's just concentrating all his efforts on, it's like, his wife's like, why don't you go

and get a job? It's like, no, no, no, no. I'm listening to this week's episode. I'm trying to figure out a way that I can mildly annoy

one, if not both, of these podcast hosts. I'm too busy writing into Messina pretending to be Mark Maron and seeing if I can get free petrol out of it.

Yeah, yeah. I'm too busy trying to fucking see if thelasthouseontheleft.com is available or not. Wonderful stuff. Well, good on you, Philip. Well, we still need justice. I'm living in hope that, you know, something is going to, you know, good things are coming our way.

Yeah, if there's beer companies out there, if anyone's affiliated with a beer company, we're happy to have a beer of the show, someone that's actually going to help us out. As I said to Pure Blonde in my email, this is an opportunity to step up and be the hero in this story. Oh, you didn't hear anything from them? Heard nothing back.

Fuck. Yeah. You know what I have gotten? I've gotten three different emails from them that are like just the response to having submitted it through a form on the website right you know you go through these ways like just letting you know we've received your email it's like yeah fucking reply it'd be good right but we've gone i've gone to the wrong people i'm gonna try it on with asahi yeah i know when you leave i'm gonna send them an email right

see how you go with that picture and then an extended picture with the the poster in the background yeah yeah i love the idea of writing this guy out. Yeah. If we could get, A, get something free, and B, get this guy in trouble, that would be fucking great. That's good. Yeah, see what you can do. Like, somehow, yeah, get them to send a warning.

Yeah. The Asahi Corporation sending a ronin out to take care of this cunt. To send who? A ronin. What's a ronin? Like a fucking samurai. cunt. To send who? A ronin. What's a ronin? Like a fucking samurai. Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah, totally. Do that. CC in the Victoria Police. Whatever you need to do. Yeah. Yeah. Get the Yakuza onto him. Yeah.

Cool. What else? Any other business we've got to take care of? Anything that happened on this episode? Because we recorded this like a week ago. Now we've got to try and remember what the fuck happened. Have you officially sent anything about the wedding? No.

No, I haven't. Because I'm very much waiting for the person whose wedding it is to listen to this episode. Yeah, did we talk about... I think you said that on the show. I think so. They listen. They listen. So that's interesting.

Yeah, that'll that's interesting. Yeah. That'll be very interesting. But no, have not done anything about that because it's still fucking ages away. Very much ages away. Anything going else? What's happening? Any Gold Coast update? Gold Coast update?

I'm trying to work it out. I think we'll have that sorted hopefully by the end of this week. So as always, keep an eye on the socials. It's often the first place where we announce these kinds of things. But yeah, we should have something lined up up there. Us staying at beautiful Cooran Cove Resort, which we've heard from a number of people that have stayed there. You know, I went on, I went really hard on wanting to win this competition.

We'll be careful what you wish for. Because it seems in this case, all that glitters is not gold. Yeah. A lot of you guys have stayed there and none of you have got good reviews. Which is bizarre. The number of our listeners that are staying at a resort, which they, by their own admission, is a place for fucked old people. They're like, anyway, I went there once.

Yeah, very weird. Anyway, we've heard some very middling to average to bad reviews, but let's find out what we end up doing. Yeah, so Kip and I on the socials here hopefully have something to announce with that pretty soon. That should be fun. And we'll be moving soon on it as well, I would say. By the sound of it, we won't be like going,

oh, well, maybe one day it'll be like, all right, let's go. Yeah, yep. Cool let's go. Yeah. Yep. Cool. All right. What about a cancer corner? Do you have any questions for this week? You don't have to have, you don't have to have stuff every week,

but I may as well check in. Yeah, that's fine. I did think of, I was thinking about it on the way in. And I was thinking maybe, I guess what I'm interested in Tommy's cancer corner, questions.

So, wait, what were your questions last week? What was the best thing about it and did it hurt? Yeah. All right. My question, my first question this week is, is looking back, is there any way that you think you could have stopped yourself getting cancer? Is there any – do you think – when you got it, did you go, fuck, that's right.

That's what I should have done. Yeah. Oh, I've talked about this, that the doctors believe that I got it from – we went on a holiday to Darwin and we went to this area where there'd been bats recently. And bats are very known for like leaving behind diseases. Right. And not that they can

definitely go it was that but they don't really know either way but you know they ask you like oh what have you done recently and da da da and go through it and they're like um yeah it probably there's a pretty high chance that it would have been that so i could have you know yeah if i had my time again yeah i could have knocked on to the bat forest. Avoided the bat cancer. Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, cancer. Didn't even fully commit to the dinner, dinner, dinner. That's the most fun bit.

You did three and then we're like, people get the gist. I was trying to remember the words. So yeah, that's probably the only thing I can think of. Did your parents think that? Did your parents ever sort of go, oh, sorry about the bats? You know what? That's on us. This cancer's on us. We did have a bunch of family photo albums that were in a relatively prominent part of the house.

And then I remember years on like well after getting better maybe when i was like 15 or 16 or something i was looking for something in the house like that was in storage and i found just like this one photo album from that trip like very much kind of hidden away in the house along with the pornos along with the pornos yeah i found this photo album up the bush some some young kids had had their time with it. This photo with me on a hovercraft. Yeah, and the photo album left open on the page where someone had obviously finished off.

Jerked off to the bat. So, yeah, I kind of, I mean, yeah, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I kind of looked on that as like, you know, my parents being a bit like, oh, that, just thinking about that, if that was the reason, like that brings too many like negative memories. So just kind of like bur, burying that away.

Yeah, yeah, right. Okay, nice. That concludes Tommy's Cancer Corner for this week. Oh, that's it? Yeah. Wow. Not as hard-hitting as, did it hurt? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, you can only blow your load once like that. It sounds like a pick-up line. Did it hurt when you fell from the cancer ward? Okay, let's get into uh the patreon segment of the show where we uh reward people even beyond what we already do for subscribing to patreon.com dash uh no not what the hell have you never read out a website before i'm fucking tired tired sorry h-t-t-t colon littledumbdumbclub.com no no fucking

patreon.com just go to littledumbdumbclub.com and the link's on there yeah whatever it's probably the easiest way because I think it is it's hard to search stuff

on patreon isn't it yes it is but if you just do that directly patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub yep but there's a link

on our website along with a link to all of our merch and all that sort of shit we've got some shirts that are absolutely running out. We won't be reprinting, so get onto all of that stuff. Have we talked about this before, how a funny, like, bygone era internet thing,

remember when every website would have a links page? Oh, yeah. You never see that anymore. Yeah. You know, you're not getting on Asahi.com. They're like, hey, guys, here's some other fun beers that we think exist in the world. I actually emailed our webmaster who's a listener of the show, Joel. Very nice of him to keep our bullshit updated.

I emailed him the other day with a, oh, he's just updated it. Oh, that's good. I sent him an email to say, can you update our About page? Because for whatever reason, it's the page you never look at. And I looked at it and I was like, is this outdated? And then I look at it and it says, oh, Little Dumb Uncle has been a great podcast. Over the three years that they've been recording, I don't mind needing a slight update.

I kind of like the idea of, you know, like we keep that up there, just like lying about our age, you know. As it gets closer and closer to 10, it's like, yeah, we just started this yesterday. We just got good at it really quickly. We've gone so well, this podcast. We're even thinking of maybe, you know, treating ourselves to, one of us at least, to go into Thailand one of these days.

But that would be funny if we got a links page on there. Just, you know. Yeah. Just some other, just recommendations for other things that we think people might enjoy checking out around the internet.

Yeah. You know. Not podcasts. No, just things, you know. Woolworths.com.au Hershey's.com. Yeah.

We'll look into that. Well, we've got a Koh Samui page there that's not being used, is it? That's true. Yeah. Anyway. Although, you know what? I mean, we've got a Koh Samui page there that's not being used, is it? That's true. Yeah. Anyway.

Although, you know what? I mean, we don't really need to do this ad, but plenty of people have gone to Koh Samui after we did our last podcast festival there. And there is still, I believe, a code that you can get cheaper accommodation at the Ozo. Still active? Yeah, I believe so. So if you're into that you know

they're our friends yeah we've had a great experience there otherwise pile your money in the merch or the Patreon link on our website that would be much

it's like a holiday a change is as good as a holiday that's very true and you shirt and if you aren't subscribing to our Patreon you know

you can change that by giving us money. Yes. And that will be as good as a holiday. And then we can afford to go on a holiday. We can have our holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

That's beautiful. Of course, you get your bonus episodes, you get bonus magazines, all that sort of stuff if you chip in. All right. Let's crack this open. I'm pretty keen to either go home and go straight to sleep or get some fucking dinner. I don't know. What are you doing for dinner?

You just exercised, didn't you? I did exercise just before you got here. I don't know. I hate to say it. I especially hate to say it publicly. It's probably going to be a bit of Uber Eats tonight. Oh, really? I really fucked it.

I'm a big fan of a Sunday night grocery shop. Make enough food for the week. I didn't get to do that this Sunday and it's just blown the whole week out. I don't know when that's going to happen now. What do you think? What's the Uber Eats? What's the Uber Eats of choice?

What sort of denomination of food? What sort of dominatrix of food? I want a burger to come and just beat the shit out of me. I want a burger to come in my mouth. What will I get? Maybe I'll get a little pasta. Oh, yeah. Keep it simple.

Okay, I get it. A little pasta meal. I get it. It's probably, you know. I've been there. I know you're a big one for, well, actually, I don't know. I don't know how much you really practice what you preach because I know you've said before, like, you don't have anything big for dinner.

Yeah. But all I ever see you have or hear about is exclusively pretty big dinners for you. Right. Okay. Maybe. I mean, I've been really good lately. I've been nice. What, four weeks?

I've been basically been eating one meal a day. One day a week. Well, nearly. Yeah. Yeah. But it's, I don't know. Maybe I think I need to eat tonight. I don't know.

But it's been pretty good. I've lost some good weight. Were you asking me because you were going to try and get me to go to the Indian restaurant near my house with you? Maybe. Which I would have been up for, but I went last night. Oh, did you? Yeah, I did.

You idiot. Yeah. There's one on the way home that looks really good. There's a few new Indian places around that look really good, actually. There's a fucking Thai place on the way home that looks really good. There's a few new Indian places around that look really good, actually. There's a fucking Thai place on the way home. There's numerous Thai places on the way home that I've never been to. Yeah. I find this crazy.

There's one called The Piano that's not very far away from the both of us. That's great. A Thai place called The Piano. All right. Let's go there. Not tonight. Okay. But let's go there some other time.

All right. All right. Let's do that. Not tonight. Okay. But let's go there some other time. All right. All right. Let's do that.

But right now, let's read out some names of some subscribers. People that are very generous and want to chip in to help keep this show going. And it's very much appreciated by us. And, of course, to show our appreciation, every week we want to try and get through as many names as is humanly possible. We really want to sit in here and do the absolute maximum that we can do. The biggest number you can imagine is what we're aiming at every week. The biggest number I can imagine. Yeah.

Wow, that's heaps. Yeah, I know. That's so many names. Yeah, I mean, like... We're just talking about dinner plans. Yeah, and you've got quite an imagination. So I can imagine you would imagine a really big number. All right.

Well, let's start at number one. Yeah. You're not going to ask how many I want to do or we're just going to... No, I don't need to be... I don't want to be that rude. Okay. Yeah. It's rude to ask a woman her age and weight and it's rude to ask a gentleman what's the

biggest number he can think of. Yeah. I think everyone needs to keep some privacy, some things to themselves. It's rude to ask a woman her age and weight, and it's rude to ask a gentleman what's the biggest number he can think of. Yes. Yeah, I think everyone needs to keep, you know, some privacy, some things to themselves. You don't need to expose everything about you. You're a very old-fashioned guy that way. You believe in old-school manners. Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Nath James. Nath James?

Yeah. Didn't go the whole Nathan. Yeah. Just abbreviated. What do you think you'd do? Would you go by Nathan or would you shorten it to Nath? I don't know what I'd do. Yeah, look, I did question.

As soon as I saw Nath James, I'm like, what are you kidding? Your name's Nathan. But then I put myself in his shoes, like you said. I wouldn't be going Nathan. I think I'd go Nathan. Really? Yeah. I think I'd go Nathan. Really? Yeah. I think I might kill myself.

Hmm. The guy that I knew called Nathan at my school was like possibly the biggest drop kick. Oh, really? Of everyone at school. See, I'm thinking the people that I know. Well, you know, first things first. People that I know that go by Nath. There's really only one.

Nath Valvo. Friend of the show. Yeah. I think that go by Nath. There's really only one. Nath Valvo. Friend of the show. Yeah. I think that's the first time I've ever heard of that. Really? Yeah. Right. In terms of like a formal, this is my name.

My name is Nath. Oh, right. In terms of like, that's your, like in show business or whatever, like this is the name, I'm a professional name. It's not just a nickname. It's the name I'm writing down everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

Interesting. the name I'm writing down everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. But then Nathan's, one of my favorite shows, I think maybe one of the best comedy shows of all time, Nathan For You.

Oh, yeah. Even though he is a nerdy character, just the whole kind of, you know, it's like that's got real credit for me. Right. You know? And also in the Uncharted series of video games, the main character who's like a cool Indiana Jones type guy, his name is Nathan Drake.

Right. So hours of playing those video games have put in my head, you know, Nathan, you're going on cool adventures. You know, you're a sort of like an Indiana Jones type figure. You're kind of a bit of a wisecracking kind of guy. Right. Good with the ladies. So I think that's embedded the idea that Nathan

is a bit more of the cooler option. Well, the flip side of the coin is this, and I'm sure I've told this story before on the show, maybe multiple times, but the only person I knew called Nathan in Maribor was a guy who was, at some stage, stuck his dick in a tree and tried to fuck a tree. Yeah, I think you told that pretty recently. Yeah, yeah. And not only that, his name was Nathan, but his last name,

I'll just say his whole name. Wow. Because, like, you know, if he got back to me about this, that would be actually quite funny. Okay. And I remember at least one of my friends finding this such a funny thing, which then made me find it quite funny. His name was Nathan Olver.

Not Oliver. Olver. Olver quite funny. His name was Nathan Oliver. Not Oliver. Oliver. Oliver. So take the I out of Oliver. So Oliver. So it was almost like a really dumb guy trying to spell or pronounce Oliver. Yeah. My name's Nathan Oliver.

You take the I out of the Oliver, you put your dick into a tree. The circle of life. Yeah. Take the I out of Oliver and the I of your dick out and into a tree. The circle of life. Yeah, take the eye out of Oliver and the eye of your dick out and into a tree. Well, it's interesting that you bring that up saying that that counts

against the name Nathan because in that video game I was talking about before fucking a tree is one of the side missions that you have to do. And in no way did that discount

the name Nathan from being cool in my eyes. And speaking of that actually from the other example you had Nathan for you is what Nathan Alders said when he got his dick out and he said it to a tree.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. He's a bit of Nathan For You. Yeah. I think maybe that's where they got the name for the show. Right. You know?

Right. From that story. The producers were just like walking past as that happened and went, ah, that's really stuck in my head. Yeah. 25 years ago, he saw this like 13-year year old go to fuck a tree so i'll hold on to that this show's been on the boil for such a long time a bit of a prank show and he was like yeah i think this is it this is the story of a very young boy who was trying to come inside a

fucking tree i think that's appropriate right now yeah well it's all making sense it's a real real hollywood history here guys thanks nath thanks nath uh thank you to patreon subscriber connor nielsen the nielsen ratings yeah what do you think about that no thoughts i don't know i've never known anyone called connor it sounds sounds you know you saying the nielsen ratings that's the rating system in America. Having Connor as a first name, both those names feel very American. Do you think at all? Do you think, yes, yes, I agree. Do you think it has a distinctly American flavour to it

or are you thinking because of Sarah Connor from Terminator movies? Not at all. One of the great American movies. Not at all. One of the great American movies. Not at all. But sure, it doesn't hurt the argument. Have you ever, speaking of Nielsen ratings, have you ever been in a house that's had a ratings box or anything? Never.

Have you ever heard of anyone? Has anyone? I don't think they exist. I think there's just someone in there just having a punt going, oh yeah, fucking Bluey rated 5800. Yeah. I can't understand how it works one bit. Like, especially way back in the day.

There used to be ratings in the newspaper like 20 years ago and I'd be like, how the fuck are you doing this? I do like, I do always find it funny that that stuff is put out there publicly. Like the idea that it was in the newspaper once upon a time. Like the idea that the average Joe gives any kind of fuck about how well something is rating. I remember when I was a kid, they used to put it in the paper every week and I'd be like, okay, well now that I'm reading about it every week, I'd be like, all right, well I wonder what's going to happen today. And like, it's like watching, like reading about the sports and then you like come up

and go, oh, this rated a 40. I'm like, oh wow, that was up from 38 last week that's interesting yeah what the fuck am i doing barracking for shows to get more viewers yeah weird yeah it is because there's like tv blogs and stuff in this country that'll that'll kind of do their little wrap-ups of the week and it is it always seems like it's like oh you know a big 9, 10, really falling behind here in the numbers. And it's like the idea that you're meant to just be like, come on, Channel 10, get back up there. Yeah. Yeah.

I do get sucked into it a little bit like that stuff. You go, oh, yeah. Oh, fuck Channel 9. Like, what do you feel strongly towards? Like, what networks do you like or dislike? Do you have any form of kinship with any of them? Currently, I couldn't say that I give too much of a fuck about any one of them because I never watch free-to-air TV.

But I'm thinking... That's cool, man. Yeah, thanks, man. I don't even own a TV. You're a millennial. Do you have a strong affiliation to any channel? But all I was going to say was I'm trying to think about from my youth. Yeah.

That's probably more, yeah. Yeah. Probably Channel 7 because I was a big, big fan of – I loved Blue Heelers and I loved All Saints. Right. I would watch both of those shows with my mum. Yeah. And great bonding time, me and mum.

Yeah. Watching a cop drama, watching a medical drama. Yeah. Loved it. Right. Stood by those shows for many, many years. Right. So that's probably, but then also you couldn't go past new episodes of The Simpsons on Channel 10.

Yeah. That was in primary school, early high school. That was just classic. I feel like Channel 10 was the network I would barrack for, but they're an underdog because they're never going to go that well. But they had all the cool kids' TV shows and stuff like that. Definitely, Seinfeld, yeah. So you're like, this is the best one,

but they're never going to fucking win anything because they're fucking a bit hopeless. But has that always been the case? I know that's sort of the case. The case now is that they don't do too well, isn't it? But was it always? They've never done that well. Oh, really?

Yeah. Interesting. Because they're actually the newest of all the TV stations. Yeah, right. So they were a bit of a basket case to start with and then they've never come that, they've never been number one, ever. I love it that all our TV channels are just numbers. Yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, I've got a weird thing against Channel 9, I think. I'd agree with that. Yeah. Channel 9 always seemed a bit older. They sound like a bunch of cunts. Yeah, a bit like old man. Yeah, a bit naff.

Especially, I felt that way when I was a kid, but I've never caught up to the age where I'm like, oh, cool, Channel 9's for me now. Right. You know? Yeah, totally. Yeah, no, not into them. I was always barracking.

And then because of those ratings that would always come out, they'd be like, oh, yeah, Nine's winning again. I'm like, fuck them. Someone else should win. Yeah, yeah. But Nine would have been, yeah, I'm trying to think. I remember loving Don't Forget Your Toothbrush. Oh, yeah.

I think there was a night where it was like world's weirdest TV and Don't Forget Your Toothbrush back to back and maybe one other one in the mix. And me and my friend Pete loved that line up on Channel 9 that was a classic so there was a few years

there where 9 was in the sweet spot for me but outside of that I don't think I really cared too much about anything they did I never had that childhood affiliation

because I grew up in Maribor which didn't have 7, 9 or 10 oh yeah you had all your weird fucked up country channels exactly

we had our bastard channels that would just take a little bit from here and there and whatever. So, it was hard to be a channel six or a channel eight man because they were nearly the same thing. Right. Apart from the news and then the cartoon show. Yeah. That was the weird thing that, you know, Bower and Bendingo aren't that big, but they had

their own compilation of cartoon channels. So it was the Ballarat one, which was Channel 6, had Six's Super Saturday show hosted by Glenn Ridge, who was to go on to bigger and better things. And then Margot, who was his assistant, who was the wife of a bloke who ran a real estate agent in Ballarat. Because I went into that real estate agent once and met Margot, who was his assistant, who was the wife of a bloke who ran a real estate agent in Ballarat. Because I went into that real estate agent once and met Margot. I was like, that's fucking cool.

Oh, really? You would have been stoked. Yeah, it was pretty good. And then Channel 8 had a cartoon. This is Saturday morning. Had a cartoon collection called Surprise Surprise. And it was hosted by these two cunts. I didn't like them. hosted by these two cunts. I didn't like them.

Hosted by two cunts. Yeah. And they had, they were trying to rip off Hey Hey It's Saturday in a weird way by going like instead of Hey Hey, it was called Surprise, surprise. And then they even had a guy in the booth. Oh, yeah. Like John Blackman, who was just like, you know, every now and then would say stuff. But this guy wasn't funny at all. So this is a Ballarat version.

This is the Bendigo. This is a Bendigo version of Hey, Hey, It's Saturday. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So they're doing, we've talked about how, what was that show that, you've talked about this a few times, where they would just get Letterman, this is like, you know, obviously like well pre-internet.

Yeah. Before anyone knows what's going on, they'd get tapes of Letterman and then just like. Tonight Show with Steve Weiser. Yeah. They would just do that stuff on the air. So they're sort of doing that. Yes. They're just doing a much more smaller version of that.

Yeah. Yeah. Just a real target two-stripe version. Yeah. Yeah. But I just love the idea because it's like, okay, hey, hey works because you've got this guy who's a real smart ass and whatever and he jumps in and says stuff. But you watch this bad version.

This guy is just saying stuff and you go, why the fuck is this cunt saying anything? Why have they given him a mic? He's got nothing to say. Why have they given him a mic? Yeah, yeah. And also they had a camera on him all the time. So I was like, well, why isn't he just out with everyone else then? Why is he away from anyone?

That's pretty sick. I was just thinking then, you know what would be great? If our TV gig was us doing, we get a TV show, but it's us just hosting a cartoon show. Yeah. But it's like,

it's late night, so we can do what we want. We're on at 10pm, so we can swear, we can tell our bawdy stories. Yeah. But then every like 10 minutes, we're just thrown into a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Boy, that Elmer Fudd's a real cunt. Yeah, yeah. Fuck, did you see that cunt get shot in the face there? Daffy Duck has absolutely done it again. Yeah, yeah. That'd be sick. That would actually be, yeah. And it's us on a set surrounded by all this like bright kids cartoon bullshit

while we're talking about like 69ing and... Yeah, what's up c cunt, with Tommy and Carl. And then right at the end, you just put a porno on. Because it's like, how dare you put on an after cartoons? Hey, it's fucking midnight. Yes, yes. I'm not putting pornos on in the morning, all right? You should have a problem with the cartoons being on this late.

There's no problem with me putting a porno on this is the appropriate hour for a porno alright just the world's most confusing show yeah

you should not be letting your kids up to watch cartoons that late which are then leading into the pornos this is your fault not ours this is going to

change television this is how channel 10 can get themselves out of the toilet take a kind of punt on something like this. If Funny Fellas doesn't get up, next pilot season for Channel 10 is at our pitch.

Cartoons straight into pornos late at night. This week on Pilot Week. By the way, we haven't talked about Funny Fellas for a little while. It's probably time to start. We've got to think of some new ideas. Time to start revving the motor up on that one. Thanks, Connor. start um well it's we got it we got to think of some new ideas time to start revving the motor up on that one yeah uh thanks connor thank you to patron subscriber andy voe oh i like this what do you like do you like the person or the name very simple elegant last name right yeah just getting right down to business and very very rare that you see a two-letter last name.

Yeah. Especially a cool one like that. Yeah. Yeah. A V involved. V's, I'm going to say V's nearly the coolest letter, I would say. Yeah. I can't think of too many cool letters.

Very simple. From a design point of view. Yeah. Very classic. Elegant design. Good sound. Mm-hmm. You can't spell V withoutvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv It's like a V and an O, V meaning five, and a 50. Yeah, but you're kind of crossing Roman numerals.

What are non-Roman numerals called? What do you mean non-Roman? Well, like Roman numerals, and then what are the numbers that we use? Oh, like the Arabic system. God, this will be driving people insane. Yeah, I know. It's not the Greek system. It's the Arabic number system, I think, will be driving people insane. I know. They call it like the... It's not the Greek system. It's the Arabic number system, I think, isn't it?

Arabic. I keep saying Arabic. Arabic. I said Arabic when I was a kid and then it took me a couple of years and then went, oh, fuck, and I couldn't get out of it then. Right. Yep. Arabic.

Arabic. Arabic numbers. Andy Vo, do you know this guy? I do know this guy. He's a long-timer, right? He is. Is this the guy that got super fucked up one drunk cast? Yes, I think, yeah, you're right.

I think he spewed up an absolute storm in the Five Burrows toilets, in the V Burrows toilets. You're right. Yeah. The V Burrows, yeah. You're absolutely right. He did too. Maybe the first drunk cast or the second drunk cast.

I think that might have been the drunk cast when Carl Woodbury, friend of the show Carl Woodbury, turned up and did, to my eyes, the first ever Shoei that I'd ever heard of. Yeah, I guess this must have been like the second time we did a drunk cast because the first time we did it, it wasn't like, we didn't call it the drunk cast. We were just like, oh, we'll put on an extra thing for everyone who's come and bought a ticket over the run.

A little thank you. And then it was like, oh, well, let's just get fucked and be silly and see what happens. And then from there, it was like, wow, that was so fun. We got to do that again, an off the record fucked thing. And then we started calling it the drunk cast. Which also makes me think for there to be behavior like that of him spewing you know early into the show yeah must have been him turning up being like i heard about this thing last year right i am gonna get fucked up i'm gonna have a real time okay because that would be crazy if he'd done that the first year

no expectation no hype just like because it was a sunday night as well yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah. Yeah. Fuck. That was, that was, that was good. Those, those first couple of drunk cuss. Those first couple where we had, yeah, where we had, well, yeah, we didn't really have any expectation for it or anything. No.

We would just sit there and fuck around. And when we had friend of the show, Jason Chatfield doing live cartooning. Yep. Roasting people in the crowd by drawing them getting bummed by Fred Bassett. Yes. Really, really good shit. Oh, I think he was roasting people in the crowd and on stage.

Like, I think he was, he was. Oh, he was drawing us as well. Yeah, I remember him. There's a picture somewhere of Fred Bassett bumming me. Yeah. And then me sucking off snake tails, I think. I think that was it, wasn't it? Yeah, you're right. Yeah. You're i think i think that was it yeah you're

right yeah you're right i think that was it oh fuck anything he was that was really good you know what so much so that he did that the first two drunk casts i believe it's so much so that when we went to to do the next drunk cast we were like how can we do a drunk cast without chatfield doing the cartoon because he'd moved to america by that yeah but we're like how can we do the show with like that's such a great part of the show how can we possibly do a drunk country without the cartoon yeah um but then we got over it pretty quick we did have a year where he was going to skype in and do it and then i remember he was all poised to do it and then got to the venue and they were like we don't have wi-fi here yes okay yeah totally we got to a dodgy

venue and they didn't have fucking they were lucky to have a stage or chairs, let alone Wi-Fi. Yeah. It's a shame though, because I'd love to do something like that again. Yeah. It's so much fun. That was fun. Thanks, Andy.

Thanks, Andy. Thank you to patrons. Hope your stomach's recovered. Yeah. From five years ago. Or V years ago. Sorry. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jay.

Oh, I'm in trouble now. Jay Abadie. Oh, okay. A-B-A-D-Y. What do you think? Abadie? Yeah, I think so. Abadie?

Maybe Abadie. Maybe Abadie. No, I think Abadie. Jay Abadie. Abadie? Abadie. Abadie, mate. Jay Abadis. Jay Abadi. Abadi? Abadi. Abadi, mate. Jay Abadi.

Jay Abadi. Imagine us as teachers. You know that thing where it's like you'd start the school year and there'd be like, you know, a kid with like some wild Greek surname. You know, they're reading out the roll at the start of the new school year and you see your poor grade three teacher going, oh, fuck. What if it was like that? It's like that scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where he's just going,

Bueller, Bueller. He's just saying the same name over and over. But this is us as the teacher just going, Jayabity? Jayabady. And the kid's already like, I'm here. And we're like, no, no, no, we're having fun with this. Or the kid's sitting there going, no, no, I'm not saying here until I get it exactly right.

But did you ever have that thing, and it's just one of those funny things of the world working in a completely different way when you're a little kid, where you would have a kid who their name would get read out on the roll, the teacher would pronounce it wrong, and then everyone makes fun of the kid. Right. Ah, you stupid fucking Italian cunt. The teacher couldn't read your name. It's like as if it's in any way a reflection on them.

And it is racist and it's bullying but in all those great ways of being a little kid where it's like, I'm not thinking about that. No one's policing this. Man, I went to school in Maribor. Do you think there was anyone with a foreign last name in my class? Yeah, but even just difficult to pronounce or like slightly. I mean, we're doing it with this.

This could be a completely Anglo name for all we know. Yeah, but this is very mature humour. It's taken me a long time to get to this stage where I can- This is a really smart show, you're right. Yeah, yeah. And for my brain to develop where it's a funny thing to make fun of people's names whereas back then and you know i'm in primary school i'm not that bright like people were probably saying wrong pronounced names and i'm

like i don't get it was just going over my head so that is interesting to think about all the things that you know in the in the ways that like a lot of cartoons they'll have kind of like the odd sort of joke just for the parents in there there that you miss think about all the things that you've seen in your life that were hilarious that would have been hilarious to you now but you just weren't old enough

to really be able to process it in the correct way totally all the missed opportunities yeah all the great things you've heard in the street that just completely passed you by

just a horse taking a shit on a person and I was like I don't get it I'm a bit I don't get this what's funny about this I'm a bit i don't get this what's funny about this i'm a bit slow yeah the country maybe one day when i'm 33 i'll be able to find

this funny i'll catch up to what's going on here when i move to the city one day yep big city types i'll become one of them and it finally sinks in sophisticated yep the shit went in that guy's mouth right i yeah i remember that very experience for myself. It was when I'd finally finished the last page of A Brief History of Time. And I was like, remembered a dog I saw doing a shit. And I was like, oh, I get why that's funny now. From when I was nine years old. Well. Thanks, Jay.

Thanks, Jay baby. Thanks, Jay a baby. Yep. I'm changing it. I think you should be Jay a baby. Jay J baby. Thanks J a baby. Yep. I'm changing it. I think it should be J a baby. J a baby. Maybe it is a baby and it's just, you know, because you're a baby you can't spell properly. Yeah. So it's spelt what it is wrong. Right.

It's J a baby. Yep. So, but like J comma a baby. Yeah. Or maybe it's like J, A, baby, a ya baby. Oh, right. Okay. So it's just like A is the last name.

So the name could be Alsop, for example. Yeah. Just to pick a classic A surname. Just going, I'm J, A, baby. Yeah. That's pretty groovy stuff. I can get down with that. Sure. I can get down with that. Sure.

I agree with you. You can be down with that name. Well, how many have we done? We've done one V. Oh, we've done four. Oh, I guess you could say that. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that's...

Well, that is what you were doing were you saying we've done you were you saying we've done iv which is the roman numeral for four or were you saying we've done one installment of v which is five no no no just that's just that's just how i've just noticed i just started thinking like that. So, yeah. Yeah. I've just noticed I just started thinking like that. Yeah. I don't really think about that Arabic numbers anymore. I think of the Roman numerals. A-babic numbers.

Thank you. Thanks, J-Baby. Thanks, J-Baby. J-Baby. Baby would be a good last name. That'd be pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Carl Baby. Yeah. Pretty good. I like it. Yeah. I'm into it. You have a kid, Baby Baby. So you call your...

What if just like naming, giving your kid the first name Baby? Yeah. Them getting to like 10 and being like, fuck this. Yeah. Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you, Mom. Yeah. Them getting to like 10 and being like, fuck this. Fuck you, dad. Fuck you, mom. Yeah. But then getting to 18 and then going, oh, I'm back in. I'm back in.

I think I'm back in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when they're like 80 and their first name is baby. Yeah. So funny. Such good shit. What a fucking rollercoaster of a life. Being called baby.

I do think about that, like names where you go through waves over your life where you would have like maybe four different rounds of it it being like cool for your age versus like you're at an age where it's like this fucking sucks yeah yeah yeah it was uh it would be quite a yeah really that's violently that's that's a fucking real landscape that's a real mountain range of just going up and down through your life. Being called baby. Yeah. A lot.

Even when you are a baby, it's not that good to be called baby. Well, the sad thing is that the point in your life when it's most relevant, you're in no position to enjoy it, to quote the classics. So, you know what I mean? Let me make a note of that. By the time you're aware of it, it's like, oh, I missed my best years of having this hair. Yeah, yeah.

Think of all the fun I could have had. Especially when you're 10 and you're like really copying it and it's like the one time when it was any good. Try to think if my name was Baby now at the age of 33. I think I'd be in a point where it's like this is i'm into this yeah of course you would yeah but what about you at 43 would you be enjoying it maybe not so much uh no i'm fine i mean look if i was a fucking plumber or something i mean given the industry i'm in i think i'll be fine with it but if i was in a different industry it might be slightly

different yeah yeah i can i could i can be whatever the you know i can have the fuck the stupidest name i'm in comedy yeah doesn't matter yeah for me that's very true yeah yeah doesn't matter how old you are in many ways it's an asset yeah totally i've you know i mean if i've changed my name to baby chandler 10 years ago i mean i would be a fucking superstar by now. I mean, I do think that a lot about... See, I'm the only thing holding me back. Me not being called Baby.

Some of these people who, you know, you just see like normal people's names, you know, people outside of comedy or show business or whatever. And a lot of, you know, times when we hear the names come through from the unplanned title alternator on this part of the show, I think this person could never be in show business. Yeah. Not with a name like that. Yeah. You that yeah you know but you know there are famous people where

you go would you ever have said if you met someone called kardashian you like that's a fucking pretty sticks out though stupid name yeah but i mean more like you know john smith or something like that just nothing going on nothing memorable about it yeah but there's heaps of those middle of the road like musicians that have got pretty plain names yeah true i guess maybe brad or something like that. Just nothing going on, nothing memorable about it. Yeah, but there's heaps of those middle-of-the-road musicians that have got pretty plain names. Yeah, true. I guess maybe Brad Pitt is a good example. Yeah.

Yeah, like Pitt's a pretty bad name. Yeah. Like armpit. You know, like a pit that you chuck shit into. Oh, damn, save it. Save it for if Brad ever supports the Patreon. Here we fucking go. Thanks again, Jaya Baby. thanks again Jaya baby

thanks Jaya baby thank you to Patreon subscriber oh look I'm I'm you know sorry this is this has been a bit of an ongoing thing

but I'm I'm fucking losing energy yeah I am working long days having a having a baby having a Jaya baby is really taking it out of me

I'm I'm getting really tired every day now so let's just do one more okay that's fine yep but coincidentally Having a baby, having a Jaya baby is really taking it out of me. I'm getting really tired every day now. So let's just do one more. Okay. That's fine. Yep. But coincidentally, when we were talking before about what's the biggest number I can imagine,

it is five. Oh, really? Yeah. That's weird. So you didn't even have to, you know, I could have jumped in earlier and saved you from the audience are like listening, going, they wanted more. And you're saying, oh, I've got to call it off because I'm tired. They're thinking, God, what a fucking sourpuss. Right.

But it was up to me. Yeah. The biggest number I can think of. Right. Five. Fuck. This has worked out very well, hasn't it? I don't even know what would happen if we did one more.

Should we try it? Yes. And. Let's just get through this one first. All right. If this one's a really great one, then we'll push on. If this is a great one. If this is the best one we've ever done, then we'll do a sixth.

Great. Let's make no plans for a sixth one. Let's see. Let's see what this one is. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Yep. Five comedy. Wow.

Yeah. Damn. What do we do next now that that's the best one? Five Comedy. Wow. Yeah. Damn. What do we do next now that that's the best one?

I mean, look, some heathens could say this is... I'll pronounce it. Look, I'll pronounce the full name. I've abbreviated it. I'll have to... Oh, wow. I'll have to... Wow, you've done a bit of creative licensing there. Yes.

Yeah, I presume this is the nickname. Here it's written down as I read it. Five Victoria Comedy. Phi Victoria. Phi Victoria Comedy. So Phi Victoria is one word? Phi Victoria is the first name. Yeah.

Okay. And you're shortening that to five. That's normal. Oh, look. Looking at it through your eyes. Look at, look, looking at it through your eyes. Look at it again. Looking at it through your eyes. Look at it again and see if there's anything else there.

I guess you would pronounce this as Victoria, but to me it raises five Victoria. Oh, I see what you're doing now. Right. What I'm doing. What do you mean? What the name is doing through you as a conduit. Right.

Thank you. a conduit. Right. Thank you. You're possessed. I'm possessed by Phi Victoria. Beautiful stuff. That's so good. I love comedy and I love us. Yep. All right, guys.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Head to the Patreon. Support the show if you enjoy getting it for free every week. Get yourself some sweet rewards. We really appreciate all you guys who chip in. I appreciate people that come up to us on the street. Obviously, I guess we grow more and more our listenership all the time. It continues to go up.

If you can pass it on to your friends, that's great, but that'd be appreciated. It really would. But yeah, we get people that come up on the street and say hi and say, I'm aware. And, yeah, we get quite a bit of that. So, yeah, very nice of you guys to come up and be polite and nice and do that on the street. Love it. Especially when I'm with my wife and she goes, oh, and it's like she's like, oh, this is a thing. It's like, yeah, it's been a thing it's like yeah it's been

a thing for quite a while yeah right now that she sees actually people coming up and she goes oh this is weird amazing people are actually you actually have listeners don't you that's great yeah that's great that uh thanks to everyone who makes carl look cool in front of his wife yeah yeah um you really you know put me in with a chance there. Well, thanks, everyone. And, yeah, if you're in Melbourne, we'll see you at the live show this weekend. Looking forward to that. Yeah. So, yeah, if you're listening straight away, we've got Melbourne this weekend.

We've got some sold-out shows. We've got Perth coming up. We've got Hobart. We've still got some tickets for the Hobart stand-up show that happens before the Hobart live podcast. Yep. And then keep your eyes on the socials for Gold Coast and maybe some other announcements pretty soon.

Yes, hopefully. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.