The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 467 - Live! Andy Lee, Nazeem Hussain & Nick Capper (with Greg Larsen)

Episode Date: September 18, 2019

We're back in Melbourne for a boutique, sold-out live show that went EXTRA long! NICK CAPPER has come to the city from Collingwood in the most ridiculous way possible, ANDY LEE has had surgery on a very delicate area and NAZEEM HUSSAIN has given Tommy a very thoughtful birthday present. We also explore the logistics of jet-skiing to Tasmania, Karl pitches to get a truly disturbing story on Hamish & Andy's 'True Story' PLUS we finally put a face to a mysterious figure who's been causing us a lot of grief lately AND some huge announcements!PERTH! We're coming back with our yearly massive show. October 13, 4pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Nick Capper, Andy Lee and Nazeem Hussain. We have a couple of big announcements within this episode. It's a super long live episode, so enjoy this. We will be back at the end to follow up on a couple of these announcements and tell you a few other things that are going on. But until then, enjoy this live from Melbourne with great guest Nick Capper and Eileen Nazeem Hussain. Hey, mates. Welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

Sitting next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. There is sperm everywhere. It's a Friday night and spirits are high. Is there... Look, let's get some housekeeping out of the way. Did we start the show with someone who's gone to the bar to get a drink who's in the front row? They're empty.

They're empty? They're just empty seats. You could have lied to us. You could have said, people were fighting over those two seats. You've just got your fucking iPhone and your recorder in there like a proper virgin. Dude, we put this online.

You don't have to bootleg it. It's like we know this show's sold out, but we can't see any of the rest of the room except for the front row and half of it's empty. Can someone fucking sit in the front row and half of it's empty. Can someone fucking sit in the front row and sit next to this lonely old man? Please, someone. Hey, you know what?

Calm down, though, because we did get word from our door person just before. 20 pre-sold tickets didn't show up. Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. That is $500. $500 in the skyrocket. Thank you very much. What are you going to do with your $250? Buy this man an escort

Oh nice, you got one Now we've got two lonely old men in the front row And there's one on the other side of that seat So if a third one sits in here it's going to be like Tetris And the whole row will just disappear Thank you side of that seat. So if a third one sits in here it's going to be like Tetris and the whole road will just disappear. Thank you. These glasses aren't just for show, okay?

I know a thing or two about video games. I don't have high hopes for this show to be recorded because we traditionally have some trouble with the tech. I talked to our techie just before this and he said, I've actually got a new job. I start on Monday.

I was like, oh yeah, where do you work? And he said, the Westgate. No shit, really? Yeah, seriously. Wow, he's teching the Westgate? He's seriously working the Westgate on Monday. So even if this goes wrong, I can't tell him to go to the Westgate

Because he's like I'm already going And not only that I'm getting paid for it So this is his swan song This is his final project Yeah he's working on the Westgate tunnel So you have to actually throw yourself up to kill yourself Boy I hope we get asked to open that thing Cut the ribbon and then turn the scissors on ourselves.

That would be fucking... Just lie down in the middle of it. Woo! It's like a tunnel in the Roadrunner cartoons. We just drive our car straight into a tunnel that's painted onto a wall. That's honestly what it should be. That would be fucking sick. Why is this thing taking so long?

How hard is it to do some fucking painting? Come on, get the tunnel done. Alright. Yeah, I was confused by what you were talking about. Alright, well now I want to go there. I really wish it was open. We got some great guests coming up, but, you know, look, we did start booking them a few

hours ago. But we did, there was one guest that I hit up and I thought this would be perfect. This would be great to get them on. I asked Fiona O'Loughlin. Cool. Is that someone who hates her? You're excited that she's not here?

Because that's the point of the story. I think that's a pub owner. I asked her, she said no. Worst possible excuse. She's in Bali fucking hell is she cancelled? are you cancelling her

because of that? yeah I didn't know they did rehab in Bali but anyway wait till the Daily Mail gets a load of this well that's a bummer

let me try and cheer you up because I know you're always a big fan and I don't do it too often because there's honestly not that much to report but you're a big fan of any time I talk about dating Oh yeah! It's been a long time since I made a theory report

You keep your cards very close to your chest in terms of your Andre Riouting No, you know what? There's honestly not even a deck of cards to be had at the moment You are, just like Andre Riouting you are doing a deck of cards to be had at the moment. Just like Andre Rio, you are doing a lot of fiddling. Don't even really need to tell the story now.

What was that going to be your story? I had a wank. Spoilers. I went on a date at the start of the year, just before Comedy Festival, and it was good, it went well, I had a nice time with this person, but then it was like, right before the Comedy Festival, so then I was busy, and then we went overseas, and with this, that, and the other. I haven't seen or spoken to this person since

then, right? So that's like early March. And then yesterday she texted me out of the blue. I'm in Bali. Saying, hey Tommy, was just thinking of you today because it's are you okay day and look you know not to put this person on blast because it's very nice to reach out

and it is like such a positive day it's cool that people check in but my issue with it is in my head I go man we had such a nice day you know we were talking about like art and culture and everything we had a really nice morning tea you know we kind of stretched into a couple of hours had a really nice kind of positive chat about life and everything cut to what i'm actually doing is probably just like yeah i reckon if i get a hose you know put it into the exhaust pipe i could probably like clear myself off in an afternoon

like to be fair you probably went to dinner and she's hoeing into a stake and you've got the knife just hoeing away at her. What do you think put in her head that she needed to check up on you? But not any time close to the date, obviously, but just like six months later. Yeah, I guess just the, you know, the are you okay day probably sparked something in her memory. And, you know, I'd like to think I give off a certain

je ne sais quoi when it comes to those matters Anything to do with the fact that we spent the first five minutes talking about killing ourselves off the West Coast? Yeah

I think we each made four separate references to doing it ourselves so that's probably what she picked up on maybe she listened to an episode of this she was like

boy you are not funny you need help are you okay? Yeah if you're not thinking about killing yourself, you should. Yeah. And I was at the gym yesterday and I was in a class and I got paired up with this girl and we were chatting for like most of the class, had a pretty good rapport going on. And then there was one point where we had to do a lift thing where you had to get the

barbell and like go down and kind of pick it up like that. It's quite difficult to do. And I went too early. I went before the exercise started so then I'm there just holding it for too long. And she goes, oh you've gone a bit prematurely there. And I go, oh it wouldn't be the first time. And she goes, oh yeah okay.

No more rapport from the rest of the class at all. So yeah the masturbatorium is really in overdrive at the moment. I dare say I'm not going to get my bond back because it is. It's seeping out of the walls at this point. If they

go in there with that, what is it called? With the blue light. They're just finding a glint of something that isn't fluorescent at this point. I love how this guy knew immediately we were talking about the cum light. I've got one right here. The horniest part of Law and Order, I think you'll find,

is when they bust out that torch. Well, you know, it's not all we've got. You know, there's been good stuff going on. You and I have a little romantic getaway planned. We are going to a beautiful Cooran Cove resort we've heard nothing but awful reports of it so far

well I went on and did some googling we're booked in so this is the thing for people who don't know you ran you did a big run for childhood cancer to make more of it no to to get rid of it. And it's gone now, thanks to you.

They eradicated it, yeah. So if you have a loved one that's young and being diagnosed during the week, it's fake news. We stamped it out. What you did was, it's just like drinking now. You have to show your card. You have to be over 18 to get cancer now, thanks to you. Is that what's happened? Yeah.

People are fine with us talking about killing ourselves, not into this at all, which is very unfair. What? Tell us the rules, guys. Come on. Fucking hell. We've got heaps of racism coming up. Is that going to be cool?

Like, where do you stand on these different things? So, yeah, so we've got this plan. So as a result of raising money for the Children's Cancer Institute I won a holiday voucher to the Curran Cove Resort South Stradbroke Island in beautiful Queensland We're booked in for a weekend, you and I going together

You haven't told me this, have you got a date? Yeah, I'm telling you now We've got a date I've got shit to do, you know, I'm not like you I've got stuff to do It's the date that I ran past you the other day. I didn't look at it. Okay.

Too busy with all this shit to do. How was the tie you had for lunch yesterday? Anyway, I was Googling the resort to try and find their contact details to book it all in and this was like the first thing that comes up. Google reviews of the Coorancourt Resort. The room we were given smelled like cigarettes

and had dead ants throughout. We asked for another room and after four hours we were given the exact same room except now they'd sprayed it with so much Glen 20 that it was suffocating. I also had a terrible experience with a middle-aged lady with rectangular-shaped glasses who was taking orders at the

general store. She deliberately did not serve me. I think this middle-aged lady is not used to seeing an Asian face. I think she is racist. And then in brackets, which is when people are intolerant of other races. That's cool. Little lesson there at the end of the review. I'd like to think at least half the people here are still thinking about the rectangular

shaped glasses. So I'm just giving you fair warning. Keep an eye out for this old bag with rectangular shaped glasses. Watch out for the right angles. Yeah. Okay. So it sounds like you and I are going to have a wonderful time there. Man, so what are the dates?

What's the dates exactly? It's mid, what is it? It's mid-October. Mid-October? Yeah. Don't we have a gig mid-October? No, wait. Okay. Wait, when is it? It's mid-October. Mid-October? Yeah. Don't we have a gig mid-October? No, wait, okay. Wait, when is it?

It's late October. Late October. I'll just keep naming dates until you tell me you're free. And also, judging by the number of appalling reviews that come up for this place, I don't think they're too chock-a-block with bookings, so I reckon we can sort of roll up whenever we want. So many of our listeners have hit us up to go, oh, congratulations, that place fucking sucks.

Yeah. And it's exactly what I said. I said, I bet it's one of those places that you can't go to a 7-Eleven and get decent sized beers or anything. Yeah. They're like, someone literally said... We can't get beers from 7-Eleven anywhere in this country. You can where I'm from.

Thailand? this guy gets it I get it so it's all you can only like the guy sends a message just saying

that place sucks good luck with your twelve dollar beers yeah it sounds fucked you know I run in this race no one laughs here because it's like

fuck that's what we paid at the bar I run really hard in this race I win this competition. I win this prize. Turns out to be shit. I'm with Dil.

Running sucks. I wish I hadn't done it. That guy had the right idea. It's a poison chalice. Yeah, all right, fuck. Now we have to fucking go there. And then... It's like, it's weird because...

Sharing this shit room. Apparently it's really hard to get off the island, so you can't even go, ah, we'll just do something else. We're trapped there, on bikes that are apparently rusted and don't work, which they give you to get around the island. And we're in the one room,

with single beds each. I'm going to get a really close-up look of how the masturbatorium works, when it's on tour. I mean, like you've said, it's like, fine for me, I have nothing else going on. You have a fucking family, dude.

You suck. I'm going to be there trying to sleep as you're jacking off and I'm going to get a text going, oh, your daughter just walked for the first time. Yeah, well, I got something

that's up right over here, pal, so... We've all got shit going on. Oh, it's crying, too. does that make you feel at home I just said his first word anyway come on it's milk time let's go alright I think that's all of them

oh god god it's fun to podcast isn't it yeah I love comedy alright well I guess we have our first guest we have to get the guest at some stage

I've got a text here saying our first guest is here so I guess we I guess we do that yeah just very quickly before we bring him out can I do a quick poll? Is anyone drinking Peroni tonight?

Good. Yeah. Let's fucking keep it that way. The boycott's still in full effect. Yeah, they do actually serve it here, don't they? Yeah. Good. All right.

Disconnect the Peroni keg, all right? No sales. Yeah, can you ban anyone behind the bar? Can you ban anyone from buying Peroni tonight? Is that cool? You're going to get so fired. All right, let's get our first guest out here. Folks, please welcome back into the little Dundum Club,

Nick Capa. Nick Capa. Sit. Yes. Guys, I'm so tired. We've got Nick. So we got you to go from Melbourne to London the most fuck way we could. We got you to go from Melbourne to Newcastle the most fuck way you could.

Today we got you to go from Melbourne to Melbourne the most fuck way you could. Oh, man, it was crazy. All the way from Collingwood. Right. How long did it take? Oh, man. 15 minutes. Craziest journey I've had, though.

Craziest journey you've had. But you went the most fucked as well you could. So, like, you know, the other times, you actually got some great stories. You had to go into London. You got some great stories about going to Newcastle. So did you get some great stories today? Oh, man, it was so nuts.

I got on the tram and you know sometimes how you think the door is going to close. Yeah. But it takes that little longer to close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was like, oh, it's going to close now. And it didn't. Right. Oh, man. I was like oh it's going to close now and it didn't oh man

I was like whoa it's a hard out Serbia that's the story oh yeah oh man oh there's more oh man the trend you know how you might get one red light

right two two red lights right you might get one red light. Right. Two. Two red lights. Right. It was really nuts. Yeah, yeah. Right, so that's the story.

That's the story. Yeah. When I got off the tram, I walked at least five to ten metres and I saw a homeless guy But off the tram, I walked at least five to ten metres. And I saw a homeless guy. And, yeah, it's good to see that Melbourne are looking after their homeless. And it just filled my heart with kind of, you know, like fulfilment. Right.

Filled your heart with fulfilment that there was a homeless man? Well, just that people were looking after him. Who was looking after him? I don't know, people were giving him money, I guess, and I didn't have any to give to him. Yeah, you dressed like that when you walked past. People must have thought you were a real cunt for not giving him anything. Toodaloo!

By the way, you weren't drinking drinking champagne Did you try and get a beer Dressed like that And that's just what they gave you Yeah yeah Yeah yeah They scanned my face And then just one of these Popped out

Yeah no Barnsley bought me this It was bloody good Yeah Jimmy Nah Just one of the fans Oh right Okay so then So you're walking here, anything else?

Oh man, the This is not paying off so far, but go on I thought the door was going to go forwards Here we go So I've gone like and couldn't get in I thought, oh no, I can't come

I thought, oh I can still come I'll just have to go around the back. Anyway, just when I think all is lost, I get an idea in my head. I think, what if the door goes the other way? He's about to stick the landing, folks, get ready. In one last feeble attempt I grab the handle

rather than pushing it is what I did earlier I pull on it it comes back and I thought this this is the greatest journey of my life right

and you did a fundraiser for this journey how much did you raise in the end? Well, I had a private Facebook group. To be honest, I started up four minutes before I left. Okay. But people had to pay $100 to get into this one. So, yeah, yeah, I just had Mr Comedy pay $1,000. Okay, right.

He's deviated from what he usually donates there. But anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You sure he didn't maybe donate... Is your memory playing up? He didn't perhaps donate a funnier number? Or is your memory playing up? Blanks 11?

Is your memory playing up and maybe you could do some of the jokes we wrote you this afternoon instead of what you've done then? Blanket bawling your eyes out, begging for food no sorry I have to write material

that won't be used in a few hours yeah I didn't like it though yeah I can relate I couldn't get into the riff you know what I mean I thought I'll wing it what's the worst that could happen

well we just found out yeah yeah seven minutes of silence I thought oh that's not gonna happen turned out whoa what's the worst that could happen? Well, we just found out. Yeah, yeah. Seven minutes of silence. I thought, oh, that's not going to happen. Turned out, whoa. Those 20 people who didn't turn up feeling pretty good about themselves right now. Are you okay?

Yes, I am. I can hear myself speak. What are you talking about? I don't know. That felt like the same journey, the same length of journey from Melbourne to fucking London right then as I was listening to Nick Capa. Fuck.

Guys, I'm loving being here. I love you guys. Must be nice. I lost the jacket. I had to get a new one. Well, I didn't get it. I got it at Vinnie's. Hang on, hang on.

What the fuck are you talking about? What? So you lost your tux jacket is what you're saying. On the last trip the Newcastle trip you lost it how do you how do you walk around

with a top hat on and then all of a sudden you turn up you've only got the shirt on with the bow tie and you go what the fuck happened to my jacket?

I don't know what happened to it I look like a magician my jacket disappeared I was like wow I'm so good at this I don't even need to wave the wand. Whatever

it's called. Who waves the wand? Anyway. Kappa, I have a question and I don't think you'll know the answer, but if there's any scientists in the crowd, maybe they can help me out with this. How is there dandruff on top of your top hat? This makes this makes

not a sound. You're so This makes This makes Oh there is food You're so filthy You defy gravity At some stage Did you wear your top hat Upside down Do you know what that is That's climbing chalk

When I go climbing Okay So yeah And that's why you've got It all over your shoulders as well Sorry to flex guys That's probably why I look so good.

I've been hitting the boulder. Man, you guys were really, really taking it up a notch before I got on. Usually I try to bring the heat, but man, it is slowing down. I feel like it's like mountain climbing right now, to be fair. This is almost as bad as reading your jokes. Oh, that's bold. That's a bold play. You know when the cobra's not out of the basket yet,

so you just tap it on the head? Look at this. The cobra is out of the basket. Look at that. The fangs. Look at him stick it out. The hood is ready to go. I don't even need to play the flute.

Normally, normally. At the moment I'm just filled with so much pity I can't stop. But you are, we were talking about, the last time we talked to you was in Newcastle and we were talking about you going to, you wanted to go to Tasmania and you had the idea of doing a jet ski journey. Yeah. From Melbourne to Tasmania.

And it goes without saying you hadn't thought that through. So you're still thinking about it vaguely. Now, I looked into it. Yeah. So someone has actually done it before. Someone has actually jet skied from Melbourne to Tasmania before.

What podcast were they from? So... Mark Barrett on a jet ski. Whoa! Pow! I just shit my pants. Running a jet ski. Anyway,

that's an inside podcast joke. That's classic Mark Barrett. So, two guys... Stay tuned after the show for more impressions. Two guys did it. Two guys,

Dale Quinn and Rod Wilson crossed the Bass Strait, Melbourne and Tasmania. It's a 720k, 20 hour return trip. You're stopping, you're stopping in the middle at a tiny island

called Deal Island. Some tiny little island to sleep down. Not a good deal. Yeah, yeah. Deal Island? Yeah. Deal Island.

Oh man. You'd be dealt a bad hand if you lived there. All right, stick to what we write. All right. All right, he's climbing his way back. So this is the physical converse you're thinking about tackling, right? So on the way, there was three and a half metre waves that they were tackling. By the end, they couldn't physically stand up on the jet ski.

Yeah man, I've been to Wet'n'Wild. I've been in the wave pool. I can handle that shit. What I like, the detail I actually like was when they took off, they brought a toilet roll in a Ziploc bag. Fuck. That is... Now just think about getting halfway to Tasmania from Melbourne and then going... Stinging for a shit.

And then going, but I can't go, I didn't bring any dunny. Imagine taking a shit on a three metre wave. You're like, whoa, I thought this shit was the least of my problems. You're down at the docks just before you take off on the jet ski, just destroying a curry. Going, yeah, can curry Going yeah can't wait Can't wait for this 20 hour journey And then 3 hours in Ah fuck I've made a mistake here

I should have put Metamucil in the ziplock bag I didn't bring any toilet paper If I only had somewhere to wash my arse Just the spirit of Tasmania Going past some guy Just douching himself with a wave Off the side of Tasmania going past some guy Just douching himself with a wave off the side of a jet ski A three metre bidet Imagine that going on your honeymoon to Tasmania

On the spirit of Tasmania And you're out there doing a bit of Titanic Sort of like holding your missus And then you see Kappa hanging off a jet ski trying to push one out. Taking a shit off the jet ski, that's the real spirit of Tasmania as far as I'm concerned. It's got it all.

I love you Rose. Don't go. It's just a turd floating in the water. That's the iceberg. Iceberg dead ahead. Oh no, it's just a turd floating in the water. That's the iceberg. Iceberg. Oh, no, it's just four muesli bars. So.

I saw the jet skis are on as well because I did my research. It's the only thing I've ever researched, actually. And, yeah, they look like boats with handlebars. They just had a huge, picture a huge speedboat with just little handlebars on the top. And I'm repeating the joke because I thought it would get a better laugh a second

time around. Turns out I was wrong. Great. So I watched the clip, they've got a clip online of them doing the trip and it's like the highlights of it, which is just basically them going towards the horizon. But then they get all the way from Melbourne to Tasmania, and when they actually get in after

like, how long is it? Like 10 hours, like one way. When they actually get in, there's one man waiting for them. There's one man waiting for them on the pier, and they get up to it and the guy goes, hey, you're in the wrong place. He's like, you've got to go over there and they go, okay,

and then they fuck off again. So that's what you've got to look forward to. That's the welcoming committee in Tasmania. I'll be like, whoa, this is what Carl feels like when he rocks up to his solo show. I think the hood is showing now. It is way out of the basket.

So... I'm happy. After the first five minutes, I'm happy for you to get any form of laughter. So you're saying if Kappa does this and we go greet him there, we could break the world record for the most number of people

greeting someone jet skiing from Melbourne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah. Big chance. So, like, he goes there solo for a solo welcoming. people greeting someone jet skiing from Melbourne. I like that. Big chance. He goes there solo for a solo welcoming. No, there were two of them.

Is there a gas leak in your apartment? What the fuck's going on with you? Even if they had been factually correct, it was still no good. No, but it's a solo. Anyway, keep going I feel like I shouldn't

I don't have the will to keep going That would be the worst You've been getting smashed by three metre waves And clearly the only guy rocks up. He's just waiting there. He's been waiting there all day for you to come. So clearly

probably not the best person to talk to. I mean not... You know what? I didn't write back to that girl's text. I think I'm going to write back now and say actually I'm not okay. I've had write back to that girl's text. I think I'm going to write back now and say, actually, I'm not okay. I've had 24 hours to think about it. How long does it take to fly from Bali to Melbourne, real quick?

Fiona, we need you. All right, let's get our second guest on quick. Let's do it. Yes, folks, please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Andy Lee! Andy! Andy Lee! Please, save us, Andy. For the love of God. Can I just say something?

There's a small room out back, which has numerous jacuzzis and flat-screen TVs as the dressing room for all our guests coming out. Not true. It's just got tables that aren't being used because you guys are all sitting in here. But they've left free drink cards in the back there. Was Kappa at the back using all of them before?

So I just thought that you should be throwing out free giveaways all night. I'm not sure if it's going to come out of your money or whether it's just loose of going to come out of your money. Or whether it's just loose of them to leave the free drink cards. But anyway. What's not loose? It's like they're secured behind there. It's like... Let's start!

Hang on, hang on. Do that every time Kappa fucks up. Yeah. Oh, no. Shit, we need more drink cards! I don't even know you. You're fucking picking strips of me like I'm some kind of dog.

They're running down to snap printing right now. Shit! We've got a problem with snap printing. Here's the specs. I don't care if the colours run out. Print them black and white. We can do it. Actually, that one's pretty good.

I'll take that one. Office works would have been better because it actually opened. True, but snap printing is three doors down. Fuck. He's actually really good. First you open with the drink cards thing. Crazy. Tear strips off me.

Even better. And then you know where snap printing is. A true professional. First you open with the drink cards thing, crazy, tear strips off me, even better, and then you know where snap printing is. A true professional. I love the idea that a professional knows where every snap printing place is. What are you, a CEO or something? This guy knows where the pay-to-use photocopier is. Exactly. I can print a business card within three seconds. Is he funny?

Who cares? He knows where Snap Printing in Frankston is. Yeah, exactly. Hi. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Yeah, thank you. Full disclosure,

I've been drinking with Sam Pang since five o'clock this afternoon. And I said to Pang, I said, come. I said, come along. And he said, will you get me up? Because he'd been drinking since about 11, eh? And I said, no. No, of course not. And then he saw right through my lie.

And knew that I, yeah, so it's very unprofessional of me. It's actually my first piss gig ever. But here I am in all my glory. But yeah, you're still doing... Thank you. I love the fact there's one alcoholic in the back going, Yes! We can all do it! That's Fiona all the way from Bali.

You're drunk and you're still coming off way better than Kappa. The cobra is out. Thank you for being part of it. drunk and you're still coming off way better than Kappa. The cobra is out. Thank you for being part of it. You've only just got back from holidays. Now we have a thing called the Coastal Movie International Podcast Festival that we've just sort of closed off.

I just fucking love this. It's like Hamish rang me. Hang on, Hamish. I have a friend of mine called Hamish. Hamish who? I'm friend of mine called Hamish. Hamish who? I'm not sure if you know him. Sampang, Hamish, okay, we get it, mate. Exactly.

We know Kappa. Do you only hang out with radio guys? Who's next, Cole? I was in the spa with Cole Sandiland. Not enough room for me. Hey, you don't know this show. We do not fat change. No, he owns a small spa.

Oh, right, right, right. You went to fat change. You know everything. Wow. Very hurtful. No, when Haim told me... Oh, now he's Haim. Fuck.

Wow. How good of mates are you with this guy? Does he work at Snap Printing with you or something? Yo, Haim, I'm with Peng. What's going on? Haim said, fuck, the little dum-dum guys have done this fucking great thing and they're doing a podcast convention in Costa Meri. Convention? And I just said, shit, we would have loved to have done that. And it's, you know, we have lots of fun with what we do,

but there's often times we're envious. Actually, very few times we're envious, but we're envious of what you guys have got going there. So hats off. Hats off. Great, great. Very big of you. With the international podcast.

I know. You guys have got your radio show, your billions of dollars. We go to Southeast Asia. And you book well in advance to save the money. Yeah, and you do the earnest thing as well. That's great. Just when I thought you'd run out,

I thought, oh, he's dying here. And then you still get an applause. That's fucking cool. And you didn't even say anything funny. You're just earnest. I think that's great. Yeah, man. What's next?

It's hot up here. I'm just taking it. Oh, he's taking the jacket off. I would love that as a move, now that we're not doing the clip. No, this is... Don't give him a woo because he's taking his jacket off.

I come here and fucking tux. He takes his jacket off, gets a woo. Gets a woo! Well, you take your jacket off and it'll get a woo. Why don't you take your jacket off and I'll get a... There is not a dog underneath my jacket. I do not know what you're referring to, Carl.

He's back. Tommy, did you write that? That was good. That was good. More drink cards! I like how Tommy's actually nervous that I'm throwing out drink cards. Yeah, I have no stake in this. I mean, it's Carl at Run's stuff.

He needs to be the one to hear about it. Basement was a great venue. Thank you, everybody. I'm worried about people getting paper cut by the flying cardboard through the air. I think it comes from just commercial radio where no one's listening you just give out shit

yeah hang on commercial radio yeah we're the opposite of commercial radio because you're on there giving out stuff we're on our podcast going can you give us money can someone come round and do my washing for me please

but you just got back from overseas yes any potential sites for us? Anything for us to check out? Anything? Where'd you go? Anywhere good? I went to the Ashes.

I'm not sure if there's cricket fans here. Oh, nice. Maybe not, because it's on right at the moment. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. And by the way, we've already lost two wickets. That'll date well when we put this out in two weeks. But I went to Birmingham.

Wouldn't recommend it for you guys. Not the Birmingham International Podcast Festival? No, I don't think the Birmingham International Podcast Festival. I went for three days to cricket and started to dwell on cricket chat for a while but I took my old man who's 72

and there's only so many things you can do. just dwell on cricket chat for a while, but I took my old man, who's 72, and there's only so many things you can do. You realise at that age, you're like, I've probably got 10 more years max of taking my dads to these events and drinking as much as we're going to. I thought you were going to have an exclusive right here, you're telling everyone your dad's got 10 years to live.

No, I'm just saying that there's a point where they can go and try and keep up with you 10 years to live. No, I'm just saying that there's a point where they can go and try and keep up with you, drinking, having fun. Right. Oh, so 72, so he's still pounding them down. So he loves drinking. Loves it.

And he sets the pace. Fiona, keep it down. Don't woo him. He's having a real dead spot. Keep it going, okay? And I said to my dad after day three, thanks, Captain. Oh, no, he's back.

And it was because of me. Now there's two Cobras. He's the most strange hype man I've ever had. I need you in the bedroom with me. That's the first time anyone's ever said that step right up see the dumb story about Andy and his dad at the cricket

let's get back to Capra on the tram against my better judgement I'm going to play on anyways end of day three and I said dad I don't think we'll go to day four we'll head back

and see our wives which is my mum and for him wait both of your wives my wife's not my mum but my dad's wife is

my mum and my girlfriend and. And dad said, it would have killed me if we kept going. It would have killed me. I was like, yeah, well, you're at the age where if you drink that much for repeated times, it's going to be bad. And then day four happened and Steve Smith, for

cricket fans, went out and made an additional century, which is just crazy. And my dad texted me and said, that's the way I would have wanted to go. Ah, he is back. So I'm going to cancel out Birmingham. I mean, there wasn't too many places that I thought would suit the international convention, as I call it. Nobody that's worthy of our esteemed land. No, no, but I call it. No way that's worthy of our esteemed land.

No, no, but I just recently watched Chernobyl. Okay, yeah. An HBO series. And that's got a lot of hype at the moment. That's what these two need, to look more inbred. How can we look more fucked? Fuck, the cobra is... It is leaping out of the basket.

Copping it from someone that looks like that is just horrendous. Boy, I'm glad we've got our holiday at Cooran Cove coming up. I'm really going to need to unwind after this pounding I've been taking. Anyway, suggested destination. Chernobyl. Chernobyl, great. It's exciting. It's risky.

Todd Sampson would love it. It sounds like your dad would be into it. We can get him along. Yeah, exactly. It's the way he would have wanted to go. Slow, with radiation poisoning. He's like, I should have chosen the cricket.

Alright, we've got a third guest. Let's get a third guest. Please welcome back into the little Dumb Dumb Club, Nazeem Hussain! Hello. Alright, I've got some drink cards too! Except these drink cards are different to the ones that Andy brought out because these drink cards can only be used on Tuesday. On trivia Tuesday.

Does that still happen? A nod from back there, stage. Yeah, great, great. A reluctant nod. Once on Tuesday, drink cards. That's a very Muslim way of giving out drink cards. You can't have them tonight, actually. In our religion, we're not allowed to drink until Tuesday.

We don't have Tuesday in Islam. That's what a lot of people don't know. Fuck, I should have brought out fucking drink cards. As if you'd be giving them away. Maybe you'd be fucking eating them for the next two weeks. The fangs are in my neck. Very generous of you to come on with a gift, Nazeem. The last time I saw you was a couple of weeks ago.

I had little drinks for my birthday and you came along. You'd come straight from an event that you'd done at the Melbourne Writers Festival where you'd had to talk about your favourite book from childhood, The Little Prince, and you told me that you'd bought a copy of it on the way there because you'd never read it and didn't know anything about it. I read it. I watched the movie, actually. Right. It's not year 12.

I freaked out. I read it on the way and... But then you get to the end of the night and you go, oh, anyway, man, happy birthday. I got you this. And you give me a bag with your copy of The Little Prince in it. Changed my life. Did you read it? Have you read the book? I haven't read it yet. Did you? No, I'm just going to watch the movie.

Did you take it home? Because you went to freaking karaoke afterwards and I saw a video of you being completely drunk and I don't think you would have remembered it. Did you take the book out? Yeah, I was singing lyrics out of The Little Prince at karaoke. Freaking Bollywood book. There's no Bollywood book. There's songs in Bollywood book there's no Bollywood book

there's songs in Bollywood movies or musical hang on you watched the Bollywood version of The Little Prince and then you

went to an Australian writers festival and thought well I'll get by this is the bit where he dances I love the idea

of like what you I think it's so cute what you think about drinking and what you think about drinking and what you think about alcohol because you've never had a drink and we were out the other night

have you ever accidentally had a drink? like mumma's trifle or classic classic straw and condition what is trifle? sorry I went back

to the 1980s for a second while you're here would you like a sherry? Sorry, I'll wait back to the 1980s for a second. While you're here, would you like a sherry? I don't know what that means. Have you accidentally had it? Yeah, one time someone gave me, he said it was sparkling apple juice,

and then I had it, and I was like, why does it burn the back of my throat? And then he said, because it's not apple juice. Ha ha. I thought you were joking. And then I said, no, I don't drink alcohol. And he said, oh, shit, sorry about that. And that was one time. So you just questioned your whole religion in one print? Pretty much.

I think I'm out of the religion world. There was also pork in that apple drink as well. And we showed it up in the Bible as well. One sip of wine had your throat burning whoa talk about a toucan Sam I don't know what that means either that was very cute

because we were up cute it really is because you you were we were together I was having a drink and you weren't obviously

and you saw someone walk by and they were like wobbling as they walked by. And you turned to me and go, is that what being drunk's like? I didn't say that. I did not say that. Oh, Nazeem, you're our little prince. That was very cute.

I really liked it. Thank you very much. Why don't you try it? All you need to do is not do something. Your parents should have liked it. Thank you very much. Why don't you try it? All you need to do is not do something. Your parents should have tried it while your mum was pregnant. Love it. Oh, fuck.

I haven't thought this through. But you guys got the gist, and that was great. Still got to laugh. Fuck. You look like you're from Monopoly because you got the Monist and that was great. Still got to laugh. Fuck. You look like you're from Monopoly because you got the Monopoly on being shit. That's so good that you fucked it. Do not pass go, cunt. You go directly to comedy jail. You know, Waleed is actually...

I was trying to talk to him about coming here tonight. Yeah, yeah, right. Waleed who? Waleed Arley. How many Waleeds do you know? And he goes, I got a little dum-dum club, great, you know, very comedy nerd, you know, people in comedy.

It's not comedy nerd. Sorry, guys. Exhibit A. You know, people that love comedy. Have you looked at these guys? They're not comedy nerds. They'll probably all fucking deck us after the gig. They're drunks.

I'll explain to you what that is after. Anyway, he goes, oh, it's a live podcast. He goes, oh, I've been advised against doing live podcasts. Really? Wow. Ours in particular or just the concept in general? No, just the live ones because, and then I didn't really get what he,

but now I get it. Now that I'm sitting, I get it. I remember. Right. Who's advising you? I think someone at the office probably. Someone that you work with. You work at the project.

I do a bit of work too. All right, so would there be someone at the project going, don't go on anything live, Even though they do a live show. Stay away from that guy. He's like, why not call Loki for being a live presenter but no,

don't do anything live. He's got a podcast advisor. I saw him play Purple Rain at the Reckling Cup and I was like, oh, that'd go pretty well on a podcast. You don't have any musical guests, though.

Yeah, he played guitar. It was beautiful. Yeah, he used to be my guitar teacher, actually. Really? Can you actually play guitar? I can play a little bit, but he's a great teacher. Shit teacher. Glad we don't have him on.

He used to teach me in the lounge room on my mum's place, and then we used to play guitar to a lot. Well, he used to play a lot. You know when you go to your friend's place and they're like check out my new video game and then they play for ages and then you don't get a chance

to play it was a bit like that right was he trying to impress your mum my mum used to come out like 2am oh nah she was

no no I'm not saying like that that's your mind not mine my mum was married they both had happily married marriages did you say your mum would come out at 2am

yeah and just be like can you shut up how late are these fucking you say your mum would come out at 2am? Yeah, and just be like, can you shut up? How late are these fucking... Yeah, yeah. She's coming out of the bedroom. But why is Waleed playing guitar in your house at 2am? And when you don't drink, there's no reason for that to happen. We used to play late into the night. He's teaching you.

By getting in and going, watch and learn, cunt, and then just shredding for four hours. Purple rain, purple rain. I don't want to do a live podcast, because that would be weird. Different cultures, mate. Can we do our next live podcast at your mum's house at 2am?

Maybe we'll be able to get him then. You know what you could do? You guys could do a live podcast at my piano concert. Oh, I have the mighty fall. You guys start out with your little... I really thought that was your standing ovation. Tell us more about that.

I thought you'd never ask. Oh, starts out with the drink card. Starts out strong. Hang on. I've got my Segway detector. There'd better be a 72-year-old man in this story or I am checked out. Look, guys, there was a lot of buzz.

A lot of people have been talking. I started taking piano lessons about two months ago. Right. So you have a piano. I bought a piano. So you bought a piano before you knew how to... I saw... What's the Bohemian Rhapsody?

You saw the movie. And what's the Elton John one? Rocket Man? Rocket Man Jesus Christ man that could be me not all white people are the same

you know that I'm just trying to integrate myself into your culture also actually did you buy a keyboard or a piano?

I bought a six and a half thousand dollar piano I love it go home go home yeah I'm more of a keytar man myself anyway so and a half thousand dollar piano. I love it. Go home or go home. Yeah. Fuck it.

I'm not going to buy an expensive one. I'm more of a keytar man myself. Anyway, so I've got a piano teacher and she teaches kids. At 2am. The learning hour. Yeah. That's when it really sinks in, doesn't it?

Sorry. Kingo. So she's a kid and she teaches me and she just sent an email a couple of days ago saying, hey guys, what do you think of the idea of having a piano concert? She said, hey parents and... And Nazeem. I'm the only...

I said, I'm really into it. Not to poke holes in your religion, but this is what happens when you don't drink. You buy a piano, you're playing boring songs, and you're doing a live show. The guy you left jacked off a horse, didn't he? Yeah.

That's a great world view. The what? Didn't he jack off a horse? Not yet. Are you happy? Yeah. Wasn't it cool? I'm walking into view. The what? Didn't you jack up a horse? Not yet. Not yet. Oh you haven't? Yeah. Wasn't it a bull?

I'm looking into it. Do you know about this? No. You're on a podcast with a guy that's about to jack off a horse. Yeah I'm trying a bull thank you very much.

Come on. One of my friends jacked off a horse. Really? I was not prepared for that. How is how is Haim? Yes.

Yes. No. No. Ryan. I was not prepared for that. How is Haim? Yes! Yes! No, Ryan. Ryan Shelton? Ryan Shelton. Oh yeah, that guy has jacked me off. I was like, why the saddle? Like, why'd I have to wear a saddle? So if Tommy...

Damn, I wish Waleed was here. He'd have a fucking zinger off the back of that one, I'm sure. So if you need tips, chat to Rye. Yeah, I will. Didn't take a long... I don't know what Rye has, but he's got it. What was the context? He just decided to...

I don't know. Was Rove off air at the time? Was it part of that? No, it wasn't part of Rove. I don't think he was off air at the time? Was it part of that? No it wasn't part of Rove I don't I don't think he was Just driving along in the countryside And saw someone

And went I gotta have that That was like a frustrated bull I think it was I guess it would be a radio thing Cause that's Cause that's a real visual Yeah that sounds good on radio

Yeah yeah I'm doing this for the purposes of the podcast. This isn't something I was already doing in my own life. But I've gone, hey, I should talk about that, actually. So what purpose does it serve to the podcast? It's kind of a long story, so to speak. We found out there's a guy who got some semen from this bull called Juggernaut and then sold the semen and used the money to fund us on Patreon.

Is there anyone here who's never seen the show before, by the way? This sounds like you pitching a start-up. Exactly, imagine that in a shark tank. We're all sitting there, Tommy comes out, all I have to do is grab this semen from a bull, you see the lady from Boost Juice going, oh yeah, keep going. You know, this is my own sort of Boost Juice if you know what I mean.

I give him a boost and I get the juice. How much do you want? No, no, no, I'll pay you guys to let me do this. This is better than a Barry Bain. Oh, well, that makes sense. You are giving back to someone who's given to you. Something like that, yeah. That's the circle of life.

You're still taking something, though, aren't you? I don't need to take it home with me, no. He's getting it out and then giving it back to the owner to bring to market. You've got to freeze it almost immediately. And you've got to keep it warm until you freeze it. So if you're far away from a freezer,

put it under your armpit or something to make sure it stays warm until you freeze it. Are there parts of my body that might be warm that I could potentially... Anything? Pass. No, but. Did you see that?

You remember John Safran did that show, I think Race Relations, and he went to Israel, Palestine, and he went to a sperm bank. Yes. And he jacked off, and then he mixed the sperm up, so some Palestinian guy now has Jewish sperm thinking that it's Palestinian sperm. Could you do the same thing with juggernaut and swap the sperm? Could you impregnate it? So I go into a sperm bank, and I sneak this bull's sperm into the sperm. Could you impregnate it? So I go into a sperm bank

and I sneak this bull's sperm into the sperm bank. I mean, I guess I could, but why would I do this? Don't fuck up our species. Just see what happens to theirs. I'd like to be like the doctor and say that famous Bart Simpson quote,

don't have a cow, man. Imagine a cow actually coming out. I've frozen my spoon. Really? Yeah. I ruptured my urethra. Ryan Shelton's at it again. How did you rupture your urethra?

I ruptured my urethra. You were busting and you held on to the... No, no, you can't do it that way. It's not like kinking a hose and smashing the nozzle at the other end if you've bought a substandard... It's a BDSM related. No, it was...

I and my brother... You know when like... You know when you like... I had a BMX bike and you'd put like a brick or two down and put a plank of wood down when you were younger and you had a BMX bike and you'd put a brick or two down and put a plank of wood down when you were younger and you'd created a jump? Yeah. My brother had created a four-brick jump and said,

it's best if you trial it. And I was like, he's three years older than me, and I was like, fuck yeah, man, you're the king. I'll do anything for you. So I went off and came off and landed on the bar opposed to the seat of the bike. And then scar tissue buildup, I only found out I'd ruptured it 13 years later.

So Hamish and I were doing the radio show. Okay. I don't want to know how you found this out. Stay with me. I promise. So we normally go for like a piss like in the ad break five minutes, normally ten, fifteen minute ad breaks in commercial radio but five minute

ad break for it. Must be nice. Then the news and I went in and I just couldn't piss. Like nothing was coming out. I was trying it was like... Did you need to go? Needed to go. Trying. Yeah. Do you have kids?

Do you not relate to getting drunk or going for a week? Is that against... Do you never consume fluids at all? Yeah. Thought my piss didn't work. Turns out I had dementia. So I was there trying and it was like...

Is this sponsored by Fraser Anning, this podcast? Sorry, sorry. Sorry to interrupt your urethra story. Pass. So I went... We have to jerk him off. So I went... I was pushing and trying like, trying to...

And it was like the drought had broken and there was a water-saving nozzle on the end of it. Like, it was just, like, a drip at best. And I finally... And Hamish is, like, coming and going, hey, mate, we start in, like, 30 seconds. I'm like, yeah, yeah. And I went for a push and this blood clot came out.

Oh, my God. And then I just solidly pissed blood. And I could hear the newsreader getting to the final ad. This is like listening to Kappa in the first five minutes. I can't wait to hear what your phone-in topic is off the back of this one. And your giveaway. So I just grabbed a lot of toilet paper and stuck it on the end and ran in and went,

Good afternoon, Hamish Denny Drum Young! Oh, my God. And we got to the first song and Ham goes, Oh, fuck, mate, you're cutting it a bit fine there. Sunday, bloody Sunday. He's been cutting it's not even been fired. And I said, oh, mate,

I'm just pissing, I'm pissing blood. And he's like, on air did you say that? No, in the song. And he goes, right, right, right. That's no good.

He's like, yeah, no, that's no good. And he goes, what happened? I was like, yeah, I told him the story.

And he goes, you know what? I reckon flush it out. I was like, how does that mean? He goes, just let's just drink heaps of water for the next hour and see how it goes. I was like, how does that mean? He goes, just let's just drink heaps of water for the next hour and see how it goes.

I was like, all right, good plan. So for the next hour of the show, I'm just knocking back litres and litres of water. Next big long outbreak of the news break, went there, same thing happened, came back, went, yeah, not fucking great idea. Oh, my God. But yeah, two operations later,

I've got a renewed urethra. Although, here's another little part. So does someone have to die for you to get their urethra? Yeah. I sit there hoping for car crashes.

Yeah. I quite like the idea, Hamish's idea of you drinking a lot of water and getting rid of all of your blood. Is that how that works? That's how it works

when you bleed internally. What they did, and I'm glad I wasn't the first to have urethra operation, but what they did is they take a graft and they put it inside your penis. What's a graft? A graft, so like another part of your body's skin. Oh, right. But because in the early days of doing these operations,

they normally graft people off their bums or off their heels. They put that inside people's penises and there wasn't used to being, they needed an area of the body that was used to being wet, so people were pissing out their grafts. So where did your dick come from? My dick came from inside my cheek, so I took

six square centimetres from inside my cheek. My cheek was like this, I'm doing, I'm pinching it on one side for about three or four months and now Hamish is convinced that every time I piss, I can taste it. So how much did you say they... How much did you say they took out of the cheek?

Six square centimetres. Interesting. Jeez. How much did you say they took out of the cheek? Six square centimetres. Interesting. I'd love it if you did need a donor urethra. You're like, oh, traffic report. Looks like there's been a pile up on the M1. Let's hope one of the drivers had a healthy urethra. I do love that though the image of you on air

like going and pissing blood in between songs and stuff and then jumping back on the mic to hear people calling and going oh today at the park I saw a duck you know just like it's chatting on the radio like fuck me I'm dying

do you think this story is going to make news.com today like yeah someone's got to send it to them. Mate, what's the new Katy Perry song like? I am pissing blood. Well, that's quite a weird review, but give it three or four more listens. What about this? So this is what we wanted to ask you about, Andy.

So you've just finished another season, I believe. Yeah, a new season of a travel show, is that So you've just finished another season I believe? Yeah. A new season of a travel show is that what you're talking about? Or a podcast? Oh, is it your travel show? I thought you... Which one? Which one of my projects are you talking about? Pissing blood on the road. You said you just

finished another series. I thought it was of True Stories. No, Haym and I I don't know how he got clearance from his wife and family but I'm grateful to them but we did another travel show so it's a new travel show

coming out called Perfect Holiday and the perfect is in quotation marks when you have to get insurance for the travel show and they say prior medical conditions

yeah do you have to write down births I mean I don't know how long we've got but yeah we don't have heaps

I'll say that story for another time I'll tell you this though we because the show obviously relies on Hamish and Andy because that's the guys on the screen hang on you're one of them I knew you weren't paying me the respect I deserved

I know you were just Bruce's brother you try to be humble about being on your own show you the respect I deserve. I know you were just Bruce's brother. You try to be humble about being on your own show. No, no. We have to do a thing called key man insurance. So we have to get insured mainly

for Ryan and Tim who make the shows. We've got the same guys from uni that make all our shows together and we all own it together. And mainly for their sake because if the network gives us a lot of money, we die. They don't our shows together and we all own it together and mainly for their sake because if the network gives us a lot of money, we die they don't have, and we've already spent it and we can't deliver a show

they don't have to sell their house to give the money back to them. Right, right. So I have to do, and Hamish has to do a very thorough medical before every show to get this key man insurance. Can we, can our Westgate-bound tech just fix that a tiny bit?

And anyway, so the... Something else came up in the last one that wasn't dick-related. Testicle-related. Bum-related. Bum-related? Yeah. Do you have a hole in your bum now?

I've got... Everyone does. You guys are weird. Don't tell me you keep that in as well. Is that what happens when you're doing... Six square centimetres of witch cheek. Do you just look at the gentleman room and just go, what's that for?

I don't know. There's this seat thing. I have no idea what that's for. That room with gentlemen on the... That's just for really polite people. That's what they do. I just go in there to drink water from the... It's horrible

anyway so it's horrible anyway I did that's so you do find out things so you just dropped in

well I mean it's like when you say you've got a whole yes we've all got one unfortunately I've got two at the moment it's like the

Burnley Tunnel traffic both ways. Hang on. And you charge people to go through one of them. So do you... Do you have to use your... Let's get back to the traffic report. There's been a pile

up in there. In the Sydney Upper Tunnel for 24 hours four operations later I think we're getting close did you have to

take more of your cheek no no this was a different different whole different thing but anyway enough of

this that's great I don't know what that fucking TV show is about embarrassing fucking whatever

it is but embarrassing bodies embarrassing bodies you've got a very hot face in the rest of you, so it's good to know that you've also got one.

Yeah, the dick and the arse are just mangled beyond belief. Now that's justice. It's a good leveller. When I was single, get girls, I was like, what the fuck is that? No, it's a good message because people like Andy walk down the street and people are like, wow, look at Andy. I couldn't walk for a little bit. Yeah, I didn't see you and thought

fuck urethra anyway give him a drink card alright I'm not going to get to this bit we've got another person

we've got another guest we better get to we've got another guest yeah we've got another guest we've got another guest you don't think you have time to do the other thing oh man it not going to get to this bit. We've got another person. We've got another guest. We better get to. We've got another guest. Yeah, we've got another guest. We've got another guest. You don't think you have time to do the other thing? Man, it's going to fucking take ages.

Who cares? You've got to convert this new guy, whoever that is. All right. As long as we're going to go over time a bit, are we cool with that? Yeah. Are you talking to the past off? No, they're

fine. It's fucking not. It's my fault. No, no, no, it's fine. Troll me. If you're going

to troll anyone, troll me. No, they still troll us. Why? Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.

So, no, I thought you just done a new season of True Stories because when you do that, you use a lot, you're very nice,

you use a lot of people in comedy in Melbourne comedy as actors and stuff like that sounds like we're nice but they're the fucking best people

like honestly they're the only people that get comedy so it's a win win my point is you don't use us just walk in your car like I said they're the best people in comedy.

So, fuck your two arseholes. So, we were like, every time he comes back up, we see all of our mates on your show and we're like, oh, fuck, another one of our mates, and we're still not on the other one. So we've got the idea. We're like, you know what? The way to get in is not our acting chops, because that will fucking not work.

So what we thought is maybe we pitch one of our stories to be on. Fucking great idea. So if we can pitch one of our stories to you, maybe we can get, you know, like we signed a deal where we have to be in the show. Because it's our story, right? So I thought I'd pitch a story, something that happened to me on the weekend.

Can I ask one question off the top? Yes. So, obviously, you guys would tell the story. Yes. And then we get a famous actor to be you in the story. Right. Who are you going to pick? Nick Capa. Actually, I got asked to be an extra on your show once. Must be nice. No, it wasn't by you guys.

It was through some casting person. You mean they don't hit up the extras directly themselves? What arseholes. Mr Hollywood. Too good to book the catering staff for this shoot by himself Andy comes up to you you'd be good not in the foreground

well you know now I've got a point of contact I can be like hey bro how's the chicken I'm not sure if there's a point

of contact that wasn't a joke damn it he's back it's better than the snap printing so alright let me pitch this let me pitch this. Let me pitch this, so.

And we can worry about casting. So, last weekend, I had a very big night out. Then I had to go to lunch the next day. And I, with my wife and my daughter, and we went out and as I was about to go home, someone said clang, thank you. As I was about to go home, we were out in the country and I went, I cannot stand this anymore.

I need to go to the bathroom. So I went into this country pub. Uh-oh. I went into this country pub and there was all these guys in their early 20s just loitering around the toilet. And you know people in their 20s these days, they're all like eight foot, so it's like a bit intimidating. So I went in there and I was in all sorts of trouble

and then I came out like 15 minutes later. I was shitting like him, like I had two arseholes. You also sound like the 72-year-old man from his story. 20-year-olds these these days They're 8 foot tall 3 metre wave wouldn't go astray right now So stomach bug I don't I guess it was through

Just being so drunk the night before It just flushed everything out I was in there It's what you're going to cop tomorrow So I came out and there's these huge guys. And I walked out and I slammed the door open to get out. And I smashed into this guy's foot. He had a broken foot.

Already? Yeah, already. And then I was like, oh, fuck. And I was like, sorry, mate. And I went to walk away. And this guy goes, hey. And I was like, I turned around and looked at him and he goes i'm aware which which means we just slang for i'm aware of the little dumb so he's a listener so i was like oh fuck i thought i was gonna get bashed i'm not getting

bashed awesome go back and just start smashing him again he probably saw you and go, oh, that guy's already been bashed. Very nice. He's finally back. So we go all the way back into the city. I think I've got rid of it. I then have to go for a walk. My wife has to have a talk to a friend or something. I know that sounds weird, but anyway, that's what happened. What's going on here?

So she goes, do you want to go for a walk while I clear this thing up? And I was like, okay, so I go for a walk. And as I'm walking... Your wife has to clear this thing up with someone. I don't know. You know, it was girl talk or something. She's cheating on you. Fuck.

You're an idiot. Go for a walk. The guy with the foot. The guy with the foot is fucking your wife I've got a girlfriend called Alan coming You're just not aware I need to talk to

one of my girlfriends one of those 8 foot tall 20 year olds Come back in an hour bring cigarettes This bit won't go in the story Now bring cigarettes. This bit won't go in the story.

That's great. Just cut to an extended sequence. A reenactment that goes for 45 minutes. Cut back to Carl on the couch with you and Hamish just weeping. It's just you guys describing it. Yeah, this is what happened, isn't it? Yeah, good stuff. Let's get back to the story.

Back to the things that I know happened. What a way to find out. Well, to be fair, it'd be better than finding out on Hamish and Andy's true stories. You just turn it into This Is Your Life for one episode, and we've got the guy here. And then straight into this time next year. This is why Waleed Ali doesn't do live podcasts. You'll find out some hard shit. So you're on your walk. So this is at 9 o'clock at night

So I've gone for a walk I'm going down Bridge Road in Richmond It's a very quiet 9 o'clock Richmond And the bug hits me again And I'm like oh fuck I'm in big trouble this time And there's nothing open And so then I find myself going

Okay now I have to go to McDonald's The only, okay, now I have to go to McDonald's. The only thing that's open, I have to go to McDonald's to go to the toilet which is a fucking nightmare. I thought you were going to get a cheeseburger and think about

what you should do next. So I go in there, but see, I got raised, my parents were like shopkeepers so I feel bad going into a shop and not buying anything.

So I'm in there... It's the shopkeeper's folklore. Ah, he's one of us. I was raised right. Hi, it is I, Carl, from Maryborough. I'm part of the club. Sir Carl of News Agency. Fuck, I wish I'd have been right. We've heard of the club. Sir Carl of News Agency. Fuck, I wish I'd known that.

We've heard of your travels. Hi, I'm a 14-year-old manager. I can't bear any news of the latest Mad magazine. The dream. I wish they'd known it. Fuck. So I went in there, and I need to go to the toilet, but I'm like busting going,

oh, can I just order a large cheeseburger meal? And then they're like... Just busting for a quick shit, just got to buy something on the menu to be a customer. 40 boxes of cookies, thanks. I feel bad if you go into a shop without buying something. I legitimately feel bad. Yeah, you don't need to get a large meal.

Just get a small chip. Poor McDonald's. This is from a man who greets a text saying fuck you. You've got this weird moral compass with shops. Yeah, but you don't own a shop, fuckhead. What a great review for McDonald's. You buy a jumbo-sized

Slurpee, tip it out, shit in it. Mate, you're skipping ahead. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Wait, what? No, no, no, no. So, I order the large cheeseburger meal and then I'm like, oh, because, you know, you've got to get the code for the toilet.

Because there's one in Bridge Road that toilets around the back and it's got a code. You can't just walk into the normal toilet. So, I feel like I've got to buy something and then go, what's the code? And they go, there's no code. And so I just go, oh, all right, just save the cheeseburger meal and I'll go.

And so I ripped around there. I'm just dying. I get in there. And that's where your wife and her... No. No. He looks at you and says, I'm aware. And she looks at him and says, I'm loving it.

Now. She's got a large middle. We know. We need to stop this. I know for a fact my worst friends and people at her work listen to this. So the broken foot guy listens to this. So. Let's all stop having fun and get back to my story.

So. I raced into the bathroom, right? Now, I'm done for. I'm like, right, I've just got to go. It's violent. Yes. It's a fucking crime scene in there, right? Yeah, it's a fire sale. Yes.

Everything must go. Yeah, yeah. It's Jackson Pollock. Yeah. Blue Poles. It's Chernobyl. Let's get everything out of there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's Jackson Pollock. Yeah. Blue Poles. It's Chernobyl. Let's get everything out of there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Exactly. It's all of that. Then I go, right, no toilet paper. Oh.

Now, so, I've gone in there, I'm looking, and it's only a small thing, so I'm going, fuck, what do I do?

This is like an episode of Mr Bean all of a sudden. Yeah. I pushed the three-wheeled car out of the way. So, that all happens. I'm there. I'm like, what do I do? This is an insane problem-solving session from now on.

I've got my bag with me because I was actually planning to go to the pub and watch the cricket and do a little bit of work. So what? So I guess... Boy, the best laid plans, hey? You wiped your ass with a laptop? Well, see, this is the thing. This is what I guess I'm giving you the puzzle of.

What do I... If you're in my shoes right then, what do I wipe my arse with? Socks. Socks. Fuck, that's a good idea. I thought this was going to be harder. That's some great ideas.

You're going to have some hungry sock puppets going up there. Yum, yum, yum, yum. The cookie monster. Socks is great. Fuck. Socks is really good. Did you use your Liverpool hat?

No. You know what? In that position, if I was you, I wouldn't have been confident enough to ask the person at the counter to mind my large meal for me. That would have come into the toilet with me. Which at the time I would have been like, this is disgusting, I cannot believe I'm doing this.

But then all of a sudden, I'm in your position, I've got a bag, I've got napkins in there, I've got the wrapper of the cheeseburger, I'm fucking set. I'm loving it. To be fair, you are going, thank you for the cheeseburger, I'm just going to the toilet.

Yes, I shall take this in my quarters. Thank you for the cheeseburger. I'm just going to the toilet. Yes. I shall take this in my quarters. Oh, that Mary Burrow one. He is strange. I'll take that in my quarter pounders.

What did you resort to? We got rid of the hamburger. Well, there goes the turd burglar. Don't worry. There's plenty of grimacing going on in there as well. I think that's all of them I thought there was a soft step yeah birdie

so you might have had Ronald McDonald diarrhoea alright I do those sometimes I don't know I know you saw that

and you go oh that wasn't funny but it's like I knew it wasn't this is anti-comedy yeah anyway sorry yeah

alright so what I guess what do you think what's the problem solving what would you have thought and now forget the geniuses that said socks

what would you what would you have thought socks and undies but it's not fucking how it's to be a millionaire. We don't need the right and wrongs. You took off your t-shirt,

didn't you? You took off your t-shirt and wiped your arse. No. Well, we're getting closer. Was it something you were wearing?

Can I ask you this? Use his hand. No. You messaged me around this time on Sunday night asking if I wanted to hang out.

Does this have anything to do with it? Tell me I need to change your clothes. What are you going? No. What? Notepad. Another good idea. There's already a lot of

shit ideas in that notepad anyway. How did you become one of them? How did I become one of them? How did I become Cap? So sorry. Well, all right, there's a lot of comments floating around. Actually, to be honest, I've looked... What would you have thought of? I've looked at your jokes and gone,

I wouldn't wipe my ass with these. So is the guest meant to be like, so you've got your backpack with you, you're on your way to do work... All I've got on me is my backpack, which I just cleaned out. So literally, I only had my laptop in there. There was nothing else in there.

And I had my wallet. And that's all I've got on me, apart from the clothing that I was wearing, that I didn't think of. Okay. Money. No. Receipt. I just cleaned out all of my receipts.

Your wallet. No. Could you use the sink as a bidet? Cards? Credit cards? What? No, no, no, no, no. Are you a rapper? I didn't use my credit card. I used my

Officeworks card. Jesus Christ. Did that do anything? Did that do anything? Did that do any good? Yeah, because the bathroom was so small, right? As I was sort of, like, scooping it, I was, like... I was, like, directly, like, the sink was, like, right in front of me,

so I could just keep, like, washing it and... Oh, my God. Like, replenishing it. Like, keep popping up. Andy, so... No wonder your wife is off with a fucking broken foot guard. Andy, obviously this is going to be on the show. Can I play the turd that comes out of Carl's ass?

I'll brown up. I've done it before. Just bloop into the bowl. There I am. I couldn't think of a better person. Lucky they didn't give you a card at snap printing. So you just kept cleaning your ass with the office worker? Yeah. And where's the

card now? Yeah, you printed posters on the way. No! Is it really? I printed posters tonight with it. No! That doesn't mean you have to put it in your mouth. It just is a thing I use. How much credit did you have on the card that you thought, I'm going to keep this? It was like ten bucks, so I had to keep it.

Oh my God. I'm'm going to keep this? It was like $10, so I had to keep it. Oh, my God. I'm not going to lie. It's hard for my respect of you to sustain it. I can't look at you again. How long did this process take? A couple of minutes? I don't have an Officeworks card. Now I need one, obviously, in case of emergency.

Exactly. You've got two. Oh, I thought you emergency exactly you've got two oh I thought you were saying you've got two oh he needs two good one that's good wait wait so you kept washing

the shit off the card into the hand sink yes so can I just ask so does the shit all went down the drain are you sure yeah but that's where

it all goes so that is actually true yeah you know the sinks and the toilets are linked in a way. No, no, but you had to use the handle. Yeah. And you might have had shit on your hand.

You should call up the Maccas and let them know that they need to do an X. As if that's the worst thing that's happened in the McDonald's bathroom. Nazeem, there's plenty of other weird things in this story. Just let that bit go. We'll be fine. We'll get by. I was hoping an Officeworks card would have just came under the door and it had written on it, I'm aware. Can I...

Just one last question then. Yes. When you go to Officeworks, do you swap it to yourself or do you hand it to someone? No. No, you've got to put it in the slot. It's okay. I just didn't want to...

I already did that. Yeah. Nice. I already did that. Very nice. I just didn't want to smiley Amy go thanks very much sir yeah yeah yeah

no no no what do you think any chance any chance of getting up on the next season fuck no what about on the travel show that's the kind of thing

you'd see on banged up abroad it's true the first half's good where his wife's having sex well that wasn't part of the story that was not part of the story that was good's having sex Well that wasn't part of the story That was not part of the story That was good That was great

That was the best part of the story That was a good story Yeah That was good You guys could do that I need to just be in the office We'll come back I love the red herring

Of hitting the guy With the broken toe as well Ending up having nothing To do with the story Once we But we're all thinking Now he's coming back I reckon.

He wouldn't have been introduced if he wasn't going to come back. Thank you, I am a great storyteller. Incredible misdirection. Thank you. That was just to establish the tummy bug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't have a tummy bug without hitting a broken close one. The tummy bug that had gone up into your brain

to cause you to use the office work stuff. This story has fogged up your glasses. What's with the eight foot men? Why did you talk about the height of the men in the story? Oh, it just came to mind. Now we're inside the actor's studio with fucking the story time. Why did I wipe my ass with an office work chart? I don't know.

Why the fuck do I do anything? Yeah, usually when I ask this of people, I'm taking the piss, but quite genuinely, where do you get your ideas? Because they're fucked. Finally there was a tall man to look over the cubicle walls and see my situation. That relates to the tall...

Let's wipe that comment off with my Officeworks card. Wait, wait, wait. You have the sink, right? So you were in the disabled toilet? No, just the normal toilet. So you kept going in and out of the... So you'd put your pants up. Honestly, it's a cubicle. Wait, wait, wait. You had the sink, right? So you were in the disabled toilet? No, just the normal toilet. So you kept going in and out of the... So you'd put your pants up.

It's... Honestly, it's a cubicle. It's a whole toilet. Why would you tell anyone this? It's this big. Hey. Who the fuck is Wyleed's advisor? Because I'm hiring him, okay?

I wish he was around about an hour ago. I'm feeling the same about the double arsehole urethra thing. For once, I'm not the most fucked person, aren't I? I'm the third most fucked. I just don't drink alcohol. You were drunk at the time, right?

No. That's not what being drunk is. No, the night before though. The night before, yes. We quickly have one last guest so we need to get out very quickly. We just met this person before. They very briefly told us their name so let's get them out here.

Well, we found out. We booked them in because we found out that this is the person we've been searching for a little while. We entered a competition on Sunrise. We didn't win. We didn't win the competition. Rigs, recount. Exactly, exactly.

We entered this competition. We thought we entered enough times to win this trip to Koh Samui for eight people. For some reason, we didn't win. They didn't even print who did win. We have been doing the work. We have found out who did win, and we've got him here today. Yeah. So please, welcome to the stage, James Byrne.

James Bourne. James Bourne. Hey, how you going? James Bourne. How you going, boys? Fucking, how you going? James. James, take a seat here.

James. I'll pop across here. You should sit. You've got two assholes. Welcome. James. I'll pop across here. You should sit. You've got two assholes. Welcome, James. I call myself Jason Bourne. Right. Because I'm sick.

All right. Okay, great. Congratulations, I guess, on winning the K-9 trip. It was pretty fucking good. They said there was only 20 total entries. And I've got the 20th one. They said 19 of the entries were absolutely fucked. So I've just won by default.

My entry wasn't even good. It was just Thailand sucks. Ed Sheeran sucks. If you go to Thailand, you're a pedophile. Carl Stefanova can suck my dick. I don't even know if he's on that show. He's not on that show. Cash Cow can suck my dick Right I don't even know if he's on that show He's not on that show Cash Cow can suck my dick

Okay that's on the show And it was actually just a recorded video of me Just going Cash Cow can suck my dick Right And then they were just like Yeah man get on down Go to Kosa Movie It was sick as

Fuck that's a pretty bitter Yeah Story for us to We did Man fuck That's hard to hear We worked hard on our entries in that one Oh did you guys try as well

yeah suck shit I fucking I've had a pretty good run I guess congratulations yeah thank you

thank you well done well done well done Jason well done thanks for coming I've had a fucking good run I actually

as soon as I got back from Koh Samui I was like down to this bottle I write, and I was like, fuck, man, I'm going to have some fun here. What I did, I was mucking around, looking through the beers, found some Peronis, and thought, here we go. I fucking cracked one open, sculled the whole thing, but then spat half of it back into the bottle,

so there's like a half full beer, and I carry around... I'm not a fucking idiot, man. I carry around a bottle beer bottle stamping thing I've closed it up sealed it up some dickheads

fucking drank a half full Peroni that was my spit beer it's actually not the most disgusting thing that the person who drank that has done in recent that is

right right well that's actually thank you thanks for the story I had a fucking I had a sick time the other day as well

because I was out I was having I was enjoying a delicious brown ice cream I'm just like fuck I'm just

I love a brown ice cream classic flavour I've got double brown ice creams just fucking and then I was like fuck

this cunt needs to shit. So I've just run into an alleyway and I've just gone, fuck, I better shit in this alley. I've dropped me Dax down, started to do the shit, but then I've dropped my brown ice cream on the floor. And then I'm like, shit, I've got to pick up my brown ice cream. And I didn't know which was the fucking shit. But it's okay because I only eat brown ice cream and I didn't know which was the fucking shit. But it's okay because I only eat brown ice cream so my shit was like a brown

ice cream anyway. Right, right, great. That's a great story. Thanks for coming. I had a great run. No, I'll tell you another fucking story. Alright. I don't know. I guess we've got time for one more. 15 months ago I was rooting some girl.

Connie pops off. Who cares? Booze. Spurns. Booze. Booze. Then she's pregnant. The bubs come out and everything.

That bub would be about seven months old now, I reckon. Booze. Well, there's only one baby that I know of in the world at the moment so anyway awesome thanks for coming I used to be a doctor back in the day accidentally

misdiagnosed a kid once this this kid he was the fuckest kid he looked like he couldn't have been an adult but also a kid at the same time. He was accidentally misdiagnosed with cancer. All he had was carpal tunnel from wanking on. Wow, I did a lot of wanking when I was 10.

That's a weird coincidence. Anyway, I've got to go, because I used to jet ski a lot. I'm going to go jet ski to Tasmania. To fucking Tasmania. Thanks, Jason Bourne. See you, Jason Bourne. Fucking hell.

Jason, thanks, Jason Bourne. All right, guys. Give it up for Jason Bourne. Yeah. A man who's been standing backstage for about an hour and a half. All right, guys. We've got to wrap this up. We've really got to wrap it up.

We've got two things. We've got two things we're going to bring up. Right. Two things. Let's do it pretty quickly. Two things to wrap things up. Now, this is legitimate. Not that anything else has been made up in the last five minutes.

This is, as they say, true dinks. This is for real. This is, I got an email today, again, I cannot stress enough, this is real, from the executive producer of Channel 9's Today Show.

Hi Carl, we understand that you've had some bad experiences when it comes to morning TV lately. But we'd like to say we'd be happy to be the new official breakfast TV show of the little dum-dum club. We are on board. Not on board enough to have you two on air. But if you start every episode from now on

with We Wake Up With Today, you will find some travel gift vouchers to use in Thailand coming your way in the mail next week. Fuck the cash cow. We wake up with today from now on. And we can bleed it in. It can be like, we wake up with today, mate. Oh, nice.

Great. It can be like, we wake up with today, mate. Oh, nice. Right. Finally, you'll have something else to wipe your arse with. Also, they didn't say that we have to use the travel vouchers to Thailand. You lying piece of shit. No, I... I, uh... That was... Yeah, I talked to them about Thailand.

They said, yeah, Thailand. Fuck yeah. Yes. Love it You're not fucking going now So that's exciting One more last bit of news I've got to find the fucking date of this now

We have officially We're officially announcing our 500th episode. Shit, what a pun. Manifest. Oh, fuck. What? Fuck, we've accidentally saw to fuck this up a little bit.

I think it's happening on Anzac Day next year. It's what the diggers would have wanted. Hey, at least if we have Capron, there'll be an excuse for the minute silence.

He got it. He got there. He got there. I loved it. So, it's being confirmed. We are doing it.

It's going to be on sale in the next week, I believe. It's been confirmed in the venue. We are playing the Athenaeum Theatre in Melbourne.

Oh, wow. Thousands, thousands seat of theatre. So if you could fucking buy some tickets, that would be awesome. Yeah. If those 20 people that didn't show up can actually come if they buy tickets to that one. If they could buy two tickets each and not come, that would be great. That would be awesome. So, yeah, next year.

I like how you said we're officially announcing the 500th episode. We don't think these cunts can count, so we've had to let them know we're getting there, guys. Well, we can't either. We booked it for Anzac Day, so fuck. Anyway. All right, guys. Very exciting stuff. Lots coming down the pipeline.

Let's give a big round of applause to Nazeem Hussain. Andy Lee. Nick Capa. Greg Larson. Thank you guys so much for coming down and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And after a full 90 minutes, feature length, they've done it again. They've done it 1.5. That's what they've done. They've done it again They've done it 1.5 That's what they've done They've done it again and a half

I was about to say They've done it for too long But I don't think that's true Well they've done it They've done it for too long If you were expecting A normal 60 minute episode That is technically too long

It's not a bad thing But it is longer than expected Anyone This show was on a Friday night So anyone anyone in that audience who had a late night booty call that they were hoping to follow up on, they were showing up late to that. They would have been furious. If anyone was banking on an early night so they could get up early and work at the Bunnings sausage sizzle first thing the next morning, that would have been absolutely spewing.

I think that's about all the jobs that happen on Saturdayurday morning i think i believe that's all of them i think that's all there is yeah and you get time and a half for doing that bunnings oh really yeah penalty rates while working the grill while you while you're earning money for the brighton yacht club yeah and selling sausages um but great fun Great ep. Andy Lee, great guy. What a gun. Heaps of stuff going on in this one. Jesus Christ. Yes.

Very generous of everyone to donate their time to us. Well, we also pay them. They get paid. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. But nice of them to, nice of anyone to ever pay us any attention. Exactly.

Apart from Kappa. Yeah. He's a fucking idiot. Nice of Kappa to pay no attention, as we talked about in the episode, of the stuff that we wrote him. Yeah. To try and help him. And then he just comes out and just shits all over the fucking show. Fucking idiot.

Anyway. Hey, those big breaking news that we debuted within the show. Like we said, the 500th episode, we have announced that. Now, look, we've announced it. We haven't set the tickets on sale, obviously, but we have named the date and the venue of where we're going to be doing the big 500th episode. We have said the 26th of April.

Yep. 2020. Yes. So that's going to be in Melbourne at the historic, grand Atheneum Theatre. We're in the big room. Yeah. So we will let you know on the socials and on the show when that goes on sale, but that is the biggest show we've ever done.

It's a thousand seater. You and I have seen a lot of things together at the Atheneum Theatre. I believe we went to Comedy Bang Bang Live. Yes. We went to Daniel Kitson Live. Yes. And we also went to Tom Green Live. Oh, we did too.

Did we say that there? Yeah. You did that for Comedy Festival, weren't you? I've seen... Now, this will be cool. I've seen Elvis Costello play there. Wow, really? Yeah.

That's pretty cool. Wow, I'm going to be on the same stage as dear old Elvis. That's a good feeling. Yeah. They don't often have music stuff there. Yeah, I think that was actually a very weird thing where I went and saw him and he hadn't played Australia for so long. And I've talked about this on the show before,

but he hadn't played in Australia for so long, for years and years. Basically, I got into him. He played Australia straight away. I got tickets to it. My dad wouldn't take me to him and I was underage. Like basically I got into him. He played Australia straight away. I got tickets to it. My dad wouldn't take me to him and I was underage. I couldn't go from Maribor to Melbourne. And so then he was like, oh, don't worry. He'll be back soon.

And then he didn't come for like 15 years or whatever it was. Right. And then when he came to Melbourne again, I went, great. And I went to see him and then he basically lost his voice within the show and so he's playing and it's just not very good and he can't sing properly and so he gets to the end of it and they sort of put out an announcement going oh and he like Elvis is like oh sorry everyone that my voice is so ratchet you know that's just what happened I'm really really sorry and I feel so guilty for it that you know I'm on my tour at the moment and we're about to go off to Asia and whatever.

And then, look, I'm going to reschedule my tour and come back to Melbourne again and play another show to make up for it. And it's like, cool, do we get free tickets? No, no, no. I'm just selling another show. I'm just going to come and make a bit more money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right.

I'm just going to fill another theater. And so on that late notice, he booked the Athenaeum. And so then we went. It's sort of like, oh, I'm back, guys. You're welcome. It's like, yeah, I've paid double the money. Right. Yeah.

I'm just seeing another show. Fuck. Yeah. So that's where I saw him on his little Losing the Voice laryngitis tour. How long ago was that? Because I can't imagine. I imagine it would be maybe a bit more difficult to get away with something like that now with social media being what it is. People would just be pissing their pants over that.

Oh, great, we're having to pay again, are we? That I imagine maybe the promoter would yield to demand and go, okay, you can get a discount or you can get a freebie or whatever. Yeah, maybe. I'm not sure. But yeah, no, that was a good probably fifth oh easily 15 years ago over 15 years ago i remember one thing i weirdly remember about that tour is that you went to like the abc when he was on no no he's been a heap of time since then so that's not that tour oh really right yeah

you did you have done that you have like you don't remember around out you don't remember me doing that 15 years ago that was like a a couple of years ago. Oh, yeah. Good point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. But you have waited outside a radio station where you knew he was on to get a photo. I did.

I went down. I knew he was going to be on and I went down there like a minute before he was there and waited for one minute and that was, saw him and got a photo with him. I love it. Is that the only time you've done that with a performer or someone that you're into in any way? In what? Do you mean like go out of your way done that with a performer or someone that you're into in any way? Do you mean like go out of your way or just get a photo or what do you mean? Go out of your way. I'll include, so like knowing that they're going to be somewhere and quote unquote stalk them there. I'll also accept waiting by a stage door for them to come out.

I've done that with Elvis before again. I've waited by a stage door. Do you remember you? No. No, the guy from the ABC. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I've done that three times with him actually. Oh, wow. How many photos do you need with this guy?

Oh, you know what? The first time I ever did it was pre-camera phone. And so I was there with a camera. And it was a lot harder to do it then because i'm there with a camera but then i'm i'm there by myself yeah so then you're very quickly trying to make friends with some random going can you can you just fucking take a photo and like i'm at the stage door this is like this is this is over 15 years ago yeah and so i am uh there's actually you know a lot of people they're waiting for him

to get photos and sign things and whatever it is so i come out and i'm first in line and there's a line of like say 30 people or something like that yeah so i get him first but i don't know anyone at that stage to get the photo or anything like that so i'm just like hey elvis great show and that was awesome and blah blah and he's like oh yeah thanks man and i have a little bit of a talk with him and then he starts making his way down the line and he's still talking to me as he's making his way down the line this is great i've got this got this whole conversation yeah you got the rapport happening but everyone else is getting the photos and the autographs and everything else apart from me i'm just getting the conversation and in the meantime i'm talking to him going oh

yeah and this thing and that and oh hey what's your name can you talk about it and yeah sorry elvis and uh what else is going on? And, you know, actually, no, no, can you point the camera at me? And, yeah, what else is happening? Oh, my God. And so I'm trying to do that. So the whole time, the best photo I got out of it, I don't think I even kept the photo.

It was just, like, me trying to pose, like, get as close as I can to Elvis. As he's talking to someone else. As he's talking to, as he's signing someone's T-shirt or whatever. So sad. When he's back to the camera, I'm like, well, fuck this, and he gets to the end of it. He's like, oh, we're all done here. Well, I reckon I can maybe make you feel a bit better about that in terms of the sadness of it.

I've done the stage door on a pre-phone camera, on a disposable camera, a chuckaway camera, and just, yeah, then the brutal weight of like, was any of this worth it? Yeah. Which was true of every photo, but it feels like a celeb in it. Oh, totally. The stakes are significantly higher.

Totally. So, yeah, then kind of rapidly using up the rest of the role. Not wanting to be wasteful, but certainly going out of my way to take photos because I want to get this role developed to see this photo of me with one of my favourite musicians of the time at the stage door of the Palais Theatre in St Kilda. Yes. A young man by the name of Pete Murray.

Oh, really? Loved Pete Murray back in the day. Really? Yeah. Still got the photo? It probably is at my parents', yeah. Yeah, right. I'll see if I can dig it up.

Yeah, go for it. But that's like, it's just a weird person to like be into as a young boy. Like lining up to get a photo with this like hot dude who looks like a rugby player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This sensitive folk singer. He's got it all. Yeah. Hey, Pete.

Yeah. Big fan of the EP. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sad. Yeah. It's not a super young, I never thought it was a super young, like a teenage sort of a thing to get into or whatever. Him specifically?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he just had a big song. That first big single of his that really broke pretty big was being played on Nova and stuff, and I really liked it. And then I also went through his album stuff, and I was like, he's got some chops, you know. He's like a pretty cool musician. That's going to be us on April 26th or whatever the fuck it is.

People waiting for us at the stage door of the Athenaeum. I wonder that because like we talk about this a lot about how we're too accessible. You know, every other show we do, there's no backstage. We're just there. People can very easily just come and talk to us. So it's probably like. In fact, this episode that we've just we've just recorded yeah we get after it there's just people lining up to get pictures with andy lee no one at any stage

wanted to talk to us yeah that's true that's that's true that's actually good if we get someone like just hot on yeah yeah then it's like we're not going to be bothered by right all the great unwashed at the end of the game yeah yeah yeah because usually there's a few you know there's a few people fucking loitering around. There's a few ne'er-do-wells. Well, it's not immediately after it. It's more like if we hang around for a few drinks and then people get about five or six or seven drinks in them

and then go, you know what? I've listened to you guys for five years and you know what I think? You guys are fucking shit. Yeah. Oh, cool, man. I didn't allow any room for that to happen with this show that people just heard. Finished the gig. I't drinking that night straight out the door by the time we packed

up it ran late and everything cut to 11 p.m i'm out the front of a pizza place eating slices of pizza just on a milk crate in an alleyway and it felt fucking terrific oh man and my plan went perfect too i mean i had a heap of drinks and then went and ate a burger and fries and some pizza at midnight and hang on what was the plan again you told me that the next day that you went to butcher's diner you ate a burger and then you went across the street into the alleyway and then had pizza burger and chips thank you that's i mean i just can't even i've been gluttonous at times don't get me wrong but doing those two meals back to back yeah I just can't see myself even having the room. I imagine it's like I go to put the pizza and it just bounces straight back out of the gut.

I did not eat until six or seven o'clock the next day. Yeah, that's probably wise. Yeah, it was terrible. Yeah. Absolutely terrible. It tasted nice. It was terrible. Terrible idea.

And details. So that is Melbourne. So that's all coming up. You'll see that on the socials. You'll hear it on this, but it will be on sale. And unlike most gigs that we do, it's not first in best dress. Of course, you'll be able to buy your actual seats. It's a signed seating, yeah.

Yeah, a signed seating. So that'll be fun. So get in if you want to be right up the front of that. Anyway, looking forward to getting dozens and dozens of messages in the inbox. Aha, look at me. I'm seat 69. That's funny. That is very funny.

That's not bad. Actually, there probably isn't a seat 69 at the Athenaeum. Yeah, there probably isn't. I can't imagine it goes that wide. That wide. Yeah. No, you're right. Well, maybe we can make our own number 69 hey maybe if

you're going in a couple one of you is in one row in you're in a row one of you's in row six and then the other one's in row nine right maybe maybe we can stick it our own like number on on a seat we can we can pick our own yeah right so it's like some a lot of hotels as is uh kind of you know super superstitious they'll get rid of floor 13. Yes. Because that's bad luck. It's the spooky number. No seat number 13.

So it goes 10, 11, 12, 69, 14. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'll figure it out. We'll go through the permutations. You go A1 through to 25 or whatever it is across. And then B all the way up to the back, what's the most appropriate seat number to turn into the 69? So there's just one seat 69.

Yeah, in the whole venue. Yeah, right. Well, I guess you would have to go if it's – so say there's 25 in each row. So you would have to go A is 25, then B is 50. Yes. So then it would be halfway through would be roughly halfway through row C. Okay.

We'll find out that. We'll find out what. So the 69th seat. Yeah. Yes. So it might end up being B24 or whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. And we put something under that seat, especially. Yes. If you get it quickly enough. Yeah. This show is like like what is it like nine months away or something we gotta actually make sure we remember to do this yeah it's so far in the future it's not that far i mean it's it's so it's september it's mid-september october

november december january february march april that's uh seven months okay yeah it's a fair way that is a fair way but it'll go quick it'll go very quick oh totally it'll be on sale soon yep so that's the thing we've got to figure out the number so we can put it out there that'll be on sale in the next couple of weeks yeah then you can pick that number yeah and grab it oh a real race people camping out at the ticketing office yeah yeah man it's gonna be fun this is and you know we'll we've already got some ideas for it we'll we're gonna make it the biggest thing we've ever done by far i mean apart from numbers wise but we'll make a proper big big show but there won't be any fucking around and you know we're always of course it will be but we're always

talking about this and people are always talking you know coming to the live show i don't know you know my partner's not into it or my friend's not into it they've never heard it before you've got seven months biggest gig we've ever done. Put people onto it. It's pretty easy to find in the Facebook group and everything. People are worried, the little dum-dum club. People have listed. If you do a search in there, people have listed what are the good introductory episodes. We've got the best of from last year.

We'll do another one of them this year. You've got seven months. Get a crew together. Let's fill this thing out. All right. So there'll be plenty of talk about that in the following months. Did we want to mention any more detail about the Gold Coast that you mentioned? Our harebrained Gold Coast idea, us staying in what sounds like the world's worst resort and trying to at least turn it into something so that this prize isn't a complete fucking waste of everyone's time by doing a live show up there.

Very nearly locked in. Keep an eye on the socials. There'll be something up there about it within the next 24 hours or so of this going up, I'd say. Now, did you want to put out the date that you think it is probably definitely going to be? I believe it probably almost maybe definitely might be on November the 10th.

Sunday, November the 10th. Sunday afternoon. Yep. November the 10th. So if November the 10th. Sunday afternoon, November the 10th. So if you are in and around the Gold Coast, if you are even in Brisbane and you're missing us and you want to go for a drive in the early afternoon. Early afternoon, so there's plenty of time for you to get down there and then get back in time for your little 5pm seniors dinner. Yes, and it sounds like we've already got some good guests lined up.

And it's not a big, big venue as well. It's small. Yeah. So we're not doing the Gold Coast Athenaeum. Quite the opposite. I don't know if we'll even be able to find a seat number 69 in this venue. Yeah, yeah. It might not even be big.

I think it's a 68 venue. I think it's a 68-seater venue, especially because to thwart our... Because the owner of the venue is in our groups online and he's just sick of people saying 69. All right, great. Well, everything will come up on the socials, guys. Look at all that sort of stuff.

Yep. But yeah, immediately Brisbane and Gold Coast and surrounds, have a look at that. Hopefully within the next week or two, we'll have some further news for you about getting a quick ticket, your Melbourne tickets for number 500. People love an anniversary and a big number like that. We will certainly be putting on a special show.

So we are very excited to see you all, plus people that have never been before, because I think this is going to be a humdinger and look I don't want to say too much things that we haven't confirmed yet

but we will not be doing as many shows in Melbourne next year so this will be putting a lot of energy into this one yep

lovely alright hey you've had an extra long episode we don't want to fuck around too much let's get into the important bit of Talking Dumb Dumb,

which is we thank you, thank all the Patreon subscribers that chuck in for our little middleman. If you go to patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club, you can thank us monetarily for doing the show, for committing to doing this every week, for extending this from what used to be a 45-minute podcast to an hour, to an hour to an hour and a half to two hours plus now.

If you want to make us feel like we're not completely wasting our existence on this planet, this is the way to do it. They say hard work is its own reward. Well, you know what's a better reward? Some sweet bunt in the old bank account. Exactly. So if you can do that now, that would be good. And of course, what we try and do is we give back

there's bonus things you people want extra things so we make a bonus episode we make a bonus magazine and of course

we make your name live forever by reading it out within this segment yeah we have the unplanned title

Alternator I hit that big red button anywhere from one to 150 times a week, just depending on how much time we have. Of course, now we're saying that we don't have a lot of time. We did run late, unfortunately. I've had to scrap plans of getting towards triple figures this week. Oh, really?

I've even had to scrap plans of getting towards double figures this week. Wow. Really? I've even had to scrap plans of getting towards double figures this week. Wow. I've even had to scrap my plans of getting later single figures this week. So like eight. I've had to scrap my plans of doing lower single figures this week. I've really only really kept a plan of doing mid single figures this week.

So right in the middle of single figures, right? Yeah. So like between four and six. Somewhere. Look, I don't want to get... We're doing mid-single figures. So right in the middle of single figures, right? Yeah. So like between four and six. Somewhere. Look, I don't want to get... We're doing five. Spoilers. No spoilers.

We're doing five. I won't spoil anything. Okay. Cool. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. First kept off the rank this week. Thank you to Jeg Bird. First... Now, look, this just shows I don't plan this.

I mean, why would you start with something so confusing? It shows that this guy's parents don't plan things either. What do you want to call your, I assume, son? What do you want to call your beautiful baby boy? Oh, Jeg. Fuck. Well, they've also got the last name Bird. So they've gone through a life going, well, I've copped a lot of shit over the years.

So what I've learned from this is I better give my son a nice, plain name that won't cop anything from anyone. And now I call him Jeg. No, no, I think it's quite the opposite. Because let's say your name is like Tim Bird. Right. Okay, so then that bird sticks out because it's next to such a plain name right this parent is thinking jeg that's good the best thing i can do for my kid is distract people from the bird in the surname okay but is that selfish is that like going well i don't want him to cop

i've copped a lifetime of copyingping shit over the surname Bird. Yeah. So I don't want him to cop any shit over the surname Bird. Right. But what it really is is he just doesn't – it's his fault. He feels guilty. He's selfishly going to hear that same shit again and associate it with his hurt. So if I just give my son a shit name, they won't concentrate on the name Bird. Yeah. Thus, I won't have to hear it and feel the same shame all over again.

Yeah, but I mean, him doing that is still a nice thing that he's doing for his child. No, he's copping shit. He's still copping shit. I think he's just selfishly not hearing Bird. Because the kid's copping shit over the name Jeg. Well, that's his problem. But if he's copping shit over the name Bird,

that's his dad's problem as well. Because that's his thing. Yeah, but I think that by that point in his life, he's just used to it. He's used to it. It's probably not affecting problem as well because that's his. Yeah, but I think that by that point in his life, he's just used to it. He's used to it. It's probably not affecting him as much anymore. And I still think, you know, sure, he can have his – look, it can backfire, but I'm choosing to believe that his intentions were pure,

that he did this, that he was a noble person. And, you know, sure, maybe it does have those side effects that you were talking about, but I like to think that his goal with Jeg. Is it really so noble that you've got a kid with a weird name and so you give him two weird names? Is that really a noble thing? Look, I'm not saying he was correct in doing it, but I'm just saying I can see the thinking. I'm just trying to put myself in this guy's shoes.

I can see where he's coming from. This kid has come out with a mangled arm yeah he's been born yeah and the dad's gone i know it'll help he doesn't want to cop shit over that arm i'll get a fucking sledgehammer hammer and fuck his foot up so he'll cop shit about the foot the whole time i'll call him johnny dumb fuck well what do you think well then what what do you think what you're this parent you know you you've you've had a lifetime of torment at the surname bird you've got a beautiful son on the way. What do you do?

What's your solution? What's the name instead of Jeg? Yeah, what's the name instead of Jeg? Instead of, I mean, I presume it's short for Jegathy. Yeah. I wonder if it's a family name. That is fucking, you know what? Before I answer that, I'm just going to look up Jeg.

I'm just going to see if there's any history in the world of anyone else ever having the name Jeg. It sounds like a South African person who's a big fan of that 90s drama show, Jeg. You and what? Brutal. Yeah. Just trying to fill the silence left by you getting on Google. I'm aware.

I appreciated it. I know what's happening. I've been there. Left by you getting on Google. I'm aware. I appreciated it. I know what's happening. I've been there.

It is, as soon as I put in jeg, it gives you the Google Translate, which is like, okay, well, jeg is obviously Danish. Is it? Okay. Okay. And the English for jeg. Hang on, it says obviously? Well, that's the first thing that comes up. Bit of editorializing by Google.

Thank you. Jeg translates to English, I. I bird. No. I'm just saying not jeg bird. I'm not looking at what bird means in Danish. I'm just saying jeg. Yeah, you're saying jeg translates to I.

Yes. Yeah, so I'm saying the name is I bird. I as in just the letter I, not eyeball. Yeah, I know. Just I. Yeah. So it's like I robot. I comma bird.

Yeah, right, right, right. So maybe it's the opposite. Maybe this dad isn't, it's not a lifetime of shame at the name Bird. He's saying you should be proud. You should be standing up and saying, I, Bird. Yeah, yeah. Yes, it's me. Right.

Well, maybe that is. Maybe if the birds are from Denmark originally. I mean, I'm not sure if they are. It's hard to tell. I'd love to know. But, I mean, look, it's the one thing that makes some form of sense at the moment. In this crazy mixed up world. Exactly.

But it doesn't make a lot of fucking sense, I'll be honest. No. It's just scraping by. Yeah, yeah. It's the best thing we've got at the moment. Yeah, exactly. There's just really nothing else there's there's someone called oh here we go here's an example of someone being

called jeg uh we've already got one no no someone else because i'm like well this is the first time anyone's ever been called jeg but no it's not there's another example a bird in the hand is worth two on the patreon jeg coglin jr is an american motorsports driver competing in the nhra mellow yellow drag racing series pro stock division so hang on jeg coglin jr yeah so this is someone who's gone through life with the name jeg yeah yeah this is worse than your bird scenario yeah this is like i want to inflict this onto someone else yes um there is oh my god oh no this is fucking dumb so jeg coglin senior obviously yep uh then uh there is a troy he's brother. So, Jeg Coughlin Jr. What is this family tree that you're looking at?

Well, right. So, there's Jeg Coughlin Sr., Jeg Coughlin Jr. Yes. Now, his brother, Jeg Jr.'s brother is called Troy. Yep. Now, Troy Coughlin has a son. Okay. Called?

No. Troy Coughlin Jr. Okay. Called. No. Troy Coghlan Jr. Ah, interesting. Because I do often think that if you give your child the same name as you and you call it Junior, that's then weird. If you have another kid, have we talked about this before? If you then have another kid that's of the same gender, that's got to be pretty brutal growing up.

It's like, Dad liked me enough to give me his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you're just like some other schmuck. Yeah. Or it's sort of like first kid, you know what? This one's easy. Yep. I'm just drawing from my own past.

Yep. You know? Drawing from within my own story. Yep. Giving this kid the same name as me. Second son comes along, you're like, oh, fuck. Now I've got to really do some thinking. Now I've got to think of an original name.

Fuck, what was my brother's name? Or what's, I know, what's even a name? I can't even think of a name. I know, Jeg. See, I know a lot of people don't, you know, who are only children don't necessarily know why they were only children, like why their parents didn't end up having another kid. Yeah. But if you were an only child and you had the same name as your dad, that would make

a lot of sense. It's like, you know, know they were tapped out they just couldn't be fucked maybe they would have had a girl easy they can go to mum's name but the risk that they had another son and then had to come up with an original name i can understand that being a good reason for having it that's probably the only reason there ever is for only having one child yep um well we're doing a good job of keeping this tighter than usual. So, thanks, Jake. We didn't know we were going to get a softball like this. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Jake.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Chaz Dean. God, this week is going to go forever. Is it that much in this one? Maybe not. Chaz, I mean, I've seen this guy on the socials. He puts himself down as Chaz. I would be interested to know if that's a Charles It'd have to be

What else is there? That's rare I've got to say that you see Charles going by Chaz Don't you think? I know I have a friend whose dad was known as a Chaz And he was a Charles Okay You don't see a lot of it And there's good reason

It's not ideal Because the thing is I think Charles is good it And there's good reason It's not It's not ideal Because the thing is I think Charles is good I like that as a name It's fine I think Chuck is probably more fun as well Chaz I don't really know

Yep big time more fun I don't really have a Have a Have a You know Although I don't know I probably would pick I have to say

I probably would pick Chaz over Chuck If push came to shove If that was you. If you were in the boots, those boots. Well, we've talked about, we were talking the other week about anything where you can get yourself some kind of wild letter in there. You know, if you're going Chaz, you're playing around with a Z. Yeah.

That's pretty cool. Right. So I think that is hard to go past. Right. Chaz. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Do you go double Z? Cool. I've never heard of that chas parmentieri you know that okay yeah i didn't know that was how it was spelled though i'm pretty sure it is yeah it is yeah i'm not sure if that's what he's i'm not sure if that's his actual name or if that's an abbreviation or what it is but uh chas dean um but yeah he's around the socials a lot i believe he might i mean look i'm not a, I'm not a big fan of giving this sort of information out But from what I've seen on the socials Does this guy happen to do comedy as well?

Oh, does he? I'm very loathe to put that out there But I believe maybe Yuck Yeah, exactly Your loathe to put that out there is in doing comedy? Yeah Promoting the idea of doing comedy.

Of anyone, yeah. Guys, don't listen to this and get any bright ideas, okay? Don't drink when you're 12 and don't do comedy ever. Anything we do on this show that you think might be bad or not funny, we've done that deliberately to try and put you off. Yes. Please, when you hear us doing comedy, please don't try this at home or or anywhere so if you caught your child doing open mic comedy yeah you would go the cigarettes route of like that's it you are

going to open mics every night this week you're marching them around just like them bombing every week like please dad i'll never do it again i do feel a little bit guilty because there was there was uh you know i run comedy explain which is, which is a curated, glorified open mic gig. It's super sweet, but that's what it is. And there was a big sign-up night the other night, and I was signing all these people up, and one guy comes up and just goes, I know you hate me.

I know I'm an open mic, and that's the thing you hate the most. But anyway, I'm here to sign up. And I'm like, oh, well, that's fair. But still, don't rub my nose in it. You know, I'm here. Oh, I thought the story was going to be someone trying to like, you know, climb the ladder a bit quicker by going, I'm aware. No, no, no.

When they're signing up to an open mic. No, no, no. That would be just so sad. Oh, well, you know, whatever it is. That's fine. Sure. I quite like it when people, you know, people come into gigs and say that. No, no, no, no.

Not that at all. I mean more like when people just say they're aware. That's a cool little code word or whatever. But no, this guy was just like, I know you hate me. I'm an open mic-er. You fucking hate me more than anything in the world. But like, hang on. Don't make me feel bad about it.

I like this guy. Anyway. When's this guy. Anyway. When's he on? Never. Brutal. If I remembered his name. You hate him. It was right.

He could be on. He was right about you. He could be on. I didn't bother fucking remembering his name, so maybe he could be on next week. Thanks, Chaz. Thanks, Chaz. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Cameron Foot.

Anything? Well, we did have, we had a foot on here a while ago. And I feel like, you know, if this guy had come first, we probably would have had a good time with this. Cameron is pretty good. You know, it works well with the foot surname. But I got to be honest, I feel like I'm all footed out. Right. well with the foot surname but i gotta be honest i feel like i'm all footed out right i think i i believe that very this is extremely this is genuinely coincidental i've just got to figure

this out but i believe has the unplanned title alternator done something truly random and wacky? Well, very coincidentally for this- You look stunned by what you're looking at right now. For this episode, I've just told a story in there about the Officeworks car, that story, right? Don't remind me. The start of that story was when I opened a door into a guy's foot broken foot broken ankle whatever it was i think this might be the guy no i think it might be and this is a genuine coincidence but i'm i'm i think it is well no hang it the coincidence isn't i mean yes it's a coincidence

that he's popped up on this episode. Yeah. But it's more of a coincidence that you bashed a guy in the foot with the name foot. Oh, yeah, yeah. But it's ankle. It's ankle, I'm pretty sure. But yes. Come on.

I also agree. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the ankle is part of the foot, technically speaking. Oh, that's. Well, look, according to me. I think the ankle is part of the foot, technically speaking. Oh, that's... Well, look, according to me... That's a very interesting... According to my ruling, once you're...

Oh, no, actually, no, you're right. No, so I was about to say once you're below the ankle, it's foot. So I've just proved your point. Fuck, I don't know. What are you trying to... I'm trying to look him up. I don't know. Are you trying to see if there's any pictures on his Facebook of him with a broken foot? It might not be him, after all. I don't know. I don't know who the fuck I'm trying to look him up. I don't know. Are you trying to see if there's any pictures on his Facebook of him with a broken foot?

It might not be him after all. I don't know. I don't know who the fuck I'm looking at. Well, we'll find out. All over the fucking joint. He'll let us know. It just rung a bell. Maybe that's not fucking him at all.

I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I truly think you've probably just seen the surname foot. Yeah. Hang on. Perhaps. Perhaps. Boy, it takes all types. Perhaps. Boy, it takes all types. Perhaps.

It's been a running theme of me being very tired at this time of the episode and I've done it again. Yep. It's in the parlance of something. As the kids are saying. Yeah. As Gen Z are saying. Well, thanks, Cameron. And look, if that is you in that part of the story,

on behalf of the Little Dum Dum Club, I'm sorry. But you know what? Even if that isn't you in that part of the story, I'm sorry on behalf of the Little Dum Dum Club for what that story ended up being. Yep. That you had to hear in your ears and be offended. Yeah, thanks, footy. Thanks, Cameron. That you had to hear in your ears and be offended. Yeah.

Thanks, Footy. Thanks, Cameron. F-O-O-T-E. Cameron Foot. Jeg Bird, Cameron Foot. Fucking hell. Chaz Dean. Yep.

Interesting week this week. It is interesting. It's about to get even more interesting. Here we go Thank you to Patreon subscriber Edward Bassanelli Oh Bassanelli Yeah

From the Home country of you It would be wouldn't it Bassanelli It could It might not be It's a decent chance But I don't think

It's a big chance It's not like Dassault It's not one of the It's not one of the great Italian Definitely Definitely Absolutely definitely 100% Italian It's a decent chance, but I don't think it's... It's a big chance. It's not like Dassault. It's not one of the great Italian names. Definitely. Definitely. Definitely. Absolutely.

Definitely. 100% Italian. From a big old... Ironically enough, considering the last listener, a big foot-looking country. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The big Cameron.

Yeah. The big Cameron-shaped country. The big romance. Edward Bassanelli. Bassanelli. Bassanelli. He's from around... I met edward a few times he's from around canberra or if not canberra he's from act i believe bassanelli does if you told me that was

a type of pasta you know there's all those weird types of pasta you're like you'll be at like a kind of nice italian restaurant like a more upmarket one and you're like boy this smells good and then they've always got those weird you know there's always do you ever do you ever google stuff on a menu if it's like some kind of thing that you've never

fucking heard of before and then you look at it and you're like for fuck's sake it's just spaghetti like it's a pasta that's got all the same properties as spaghetti

but like it's slightly thinner and you're like fucking hell whenever you see one of those words and I google it it's always ham

yeah yeah yeah I'd agree with that. But there's like those types of pastas that you've only ever seen once on a menu, ever in your life. You've never seen them in any shop. I'll tell you what made a big push for relevance in the last few years, Pappardelle. I feel like Pappardelle really came out of nowhere.

Pappardelle was that for a little while. Now it's like it's the new trendy pasta. I'm into it too. Absolutely. Big asker of can I have that instead of spaghetti? Yeah. Yeah. Because Papa Del, what is it?

It's thicker than even fettuccine. It's like the thickest you can get. Thicker than noodles? It's soaking up all the sauce. Yeah. Yeah. Thicker. I'll just have one big sheet.

Just give me a lasagna. One lasagna. That's pretty good, yeah. Just a carbonara, cook the sheet. So instead of cooking it in a lasagna in the oven, you've just got a pot of boiling water and you're just submerging one sheet of lasagna in it, waiting for that to go al dente and then pour in some sauce on that.

That actually sounds pretty good. Whether it's Italian or Asian, just the thicker the noodle, the better. The big, flatter and thicker. I'm always looking for that on a menu. Big, flat, thick noodle. Yeah, I'm the same. Give me that shit.

Oh my God. 100%. Heaven. Absolute heaven. Yep. Fresh. I've recently been getting into just the fresh pasta, not making it myself, but still getting it from a fridge in a supermarket.

Oh, we've talked about this before. It's night and day. Yeah. Oh, my God. Never go back. Have I talked about there's a noodle joint near my house that I'm pretty into at the moment that I went to the other night? It's Chinese.

And the name of the place, and I swear to God this is true, the place is called Chingers, which seems like- Spell it out. C-H-I-N-G-E-R-S. Oh, I'm going to need photographic. It's just, it's wild to see on the sign. You're just going in going, how can this be? You're looking around like you're getting photographed on the way in.

Why are you supporting this? But shout out, if you're in Melbourne, go check it out. It's fucking great. It is, oh, what suburb would it be? And I guess technically Carlton. It's kind of at the end of Ligon Street opposite Trades Hall. Really good shit. Right, right.

Really good bang bang noodles. Really? Which are like the really thick Chinese style of noodle. Really thick and spongy. So they do a lot of that. They absorb a fuckload of sauce, my brother. Okay. It's good stuff.

I'll be interested in seeing a picture of this. Of those noodles? Yeah. Yeah. I've probably got one somewhere. Yeah, please. I hope so. I'd love to see the picture of thick noodles on your phone.

Well, separate folder. Oh, you've got different folders on your phone? I've never done that before. Really? Yeah. I've just been getting into it. I've for like cataloging certain things i gotta get into that i've just become good at like at the recently seeing taking photos of stuff out in the street or like say you know screenshotting something on instagram that i think is good for inspiration for illustration stuff you know so like seeing or inspiration for the masturbatory

please I'm trying to keep it above board well I mean I do I do jack off over like just nice palettes that I've seen online so oh really

yeah okay yeah nice some nice hues just get you over the line just a nice

yeah some gentle tones yeah cyan's a horny color nice little pastel yeah not me I'm just my primary colors yeah well you're colorblind Cyan's a horny colour. A nice little pastel. Yeah.

Not me, I'm just primary colours. Yeah, well, you're colourblind. Yeah, just me. You'll never know what it's like to jack off as me. But I'm not completely colourblind. There's just a few things I want to see. Oh, so you can masturbate over colours? Yes. How dare you level that at me?

You've seen me at a traffic light absolutely going hammer and tong. Oh, right. See, that's the difference. See, normal people don't find those colours horny. That's the kind of colour blindness you have. Right, right. I'm just not turned on by certain hues. That's why you've...

No, thank you. I don't know how to jack off at hues. Yeah, thank you. That's why you keep losing your licence, because you're batting off at the traffic lights. Yeah, and I can't see red. Thanks, Basso. Yeah, thank you.

Eddie Bassanelli. It's Edward. Sugar. Eddie Bassanelli. Eddie Bassanelli. Fast Eddie Bassanelli. Okay, one more. Bloody hell.

Man, we have gone longer than we promised ourselves that we would go. Not by much, but yeah, we're getting on the home stretch. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. We've got room for one more. One more. Just final one more this week. Let's see if we can.

We've had some strange names. Let's see if we can cap it off with one. Maybe one normal one. Maybe complete the set and have five weird ones. It would be nice. Or just four and one nice one. Just a palate cleanser have five weird ones. It would be nice. Or just four and one nice one. Just a palate cleanser.

Yeah, I mean, you want to point a difference. Here we go. All right, we've got a nice normal one. Oh, yeah, okay. Here we go. You think it's a normal one? Yeah, it's nice. Two normal names.

Right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jeg Comedy. Okay, right. Yeah. Interesting. So Jeg's back. So I comedy. Oh, is that what it means? Well, Jeg means I. Oh,'s back. So I comedy. Oh, is that what it means?

Well, Jeg means I. Oh, okay. And comedy means comedy. You know a lot about this. No, we were just talking about it before. Oh, I don't remember. Okay. So Jeg comedy.

Comedy means comedy. Yeah. Right. Well, in some cultures. Oh, what about the other cultures? Well, in some cultures it means reading out names for three quarters of an hour. It sounds like a fucking... It sounds like Latin, some sort of dead language. Et tu, comedy?

Oh, yucky. Good stuff. Yes. I love us and art. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you to everyone that subscribes to us every week uh on patreon.com slash little dum-dum club i hope you all enjoy the bonus stuff and the uh then the your your

name immortalized at some stage yep uh little dum-dum club.com for all the tickets to stuff that we have on sale coming up keep an eye on all the socials hope we're on our way down in november and apart from everything else yeah we've got we've got a small uh we're sold out you know what we keep saying we're sold out in hobart we've got one ticket left in actuality classic yeah uh there's just i just noticed the other day one ticket on sale now so that a couple can buy it i should just leave it as one uh leave it as one if yeah who cares um just support the loners out there yeah wolves come down in your trench coat yeah man i mean last time there was the loners out there. Yeah. The lone wolves. Come down in your trench coat.

Yeah, man. I mean, last time there was a loner down there in Tasmania, that ended up pretty good. So, yeah, let's promote that. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yep. So, but plenty, hey, but if you've got people that you know you can bring along to the stand-up show, there's still like a dozen or two tickets left for that.

Yep. So, we're doing that directly before the live podcast. Yes, November the 23rd. You can still get a ticket to the stand-up show and then hide in the venue and turn up at the live podcast that goes after it. Of course, you can't do that because the room is fucking small. Yeah, bring a big group of people to the stand-up show.

Suggest that you all get big group of people to the stand-up show. Suggest that you all get tickets and then get to the end and then they say to you, hey, what are we doing now? And you go, oh, I'm actually going to the podcast now because I bought that one remaining ticket. So you guys can just wait for me for an hour and then we can do something all together. Great. Sounds like a perfect afternoon.

Yep, absolutely the worst. All right, bye guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll the worst. All right. Bye, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.